#IF YOU READ THROUGH ALL OF MY RAMBLING THANK YOU VERY MUCH

[moodymisty]

Perhaps a 40k character of your choice and someone not very comfortable in their body? Shamelessly self inserting I guess. Thanks so much! ☺️

[ 𝕸𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖞𝕸𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖞'𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙 | 𝕬𝖔3 ]

Author’s note: Decided to do Guilliman. You didn’t specify anything (which is fine!) so I kept it vague for you. Enjoy!

Relationship: Guilliman/Fem!Reader(no pronouns are used, but reader compares themself to Fulgrim's wives and also mentions wanting a dress so femcoded one could say)

Warnings: None really

You wonder how Macaggian history can be so, boring. These history tomes Guilliman had given you while interesting, have largely been unbearably dull; Filled with little more than debate and the trials of leadership.

You had far preferred what Russ had once told you about the history of Fenris when you asked, though you’d never dare speak that to your beloved Primarch aloud.

Said primarch returns to your shared room not moments after you think of him, raking a hand through his own short blonde hair.

It’s quite late, the moon is high in the sky and has been for awhile now, and you assume he hasn’t had any rest in multiple days given you’ve seen little of him these past few. He’s been even busier than usual, since visiting Terra. Even if he has his Commanders take over a good portion of his duties while away from Ultramar, his duties on Terra tend to overtake his time and then some.

With nary a hello, Guilliman climbs onto the bed you’ve been reading in and swiftly lays down on it. The bed groans under his weight despite having been made for someone of his size.

He much larger hands reach to grip you by the waist and pull your closer, laying his face on your stomach overtop of the fabric of your nightgown. Your legs go over his left shoulder, as his left arm curls around your bottom, hip, and up your side to hold you close.

“Guilliman?”

He sighs into your belly.

“Give me a moment, if you will. I’m at my limit with these men today.” You assume he means his fellow primarchs. “Let me enjoy you for a bit now that I’m free of them for the time being.”

You want him to be happy, but you can’t help but shift a bit under him, nervous as he speaks so overtly, and touches you with so little hesitation.

“Are you sure you’re comfortable?” You whisper, nervously twirling a piece of his blonde and ever so slightly grey hair around your fingertip.

“Yes. You are perfect,” He says, your eyes widening at the declaration. You're so offset by it your mind wanders and can’t help but mumble:

“I find that hard to believe…”

You feel him suddenly tense, and he lifts his head to look at you.

“You do not believe me?”

He almost seems insulted by it; Like you think he’s a liar. You shake your head as you look away from his furrowed brow. You hadn’t expected him to spear you to the wall so harshly for your self-deprecating comment.

“No I just…” You grunt in frustration at not finding the right words. The Macragge tome he'd given you lays at your side, and you push it away a bit more. “I sometimes just think there are people out there far more, physically suited to stand beside you than me.” He loses some of his insulted demeanor, but his brow stays furrowed as you pick up pace and begin rambling.

“I mean, look at some of Fulgrim’s wives they-“ He cuts you off with his stoic, firm voice.

“You know how Fulgrim is. You know why and how they look the way they do.” He sighs, the wrinkles around his nose and eyes exaggerating for a moment. “Forget all of that.” He points a finger at you.

“And don’t bring him up again, I’ve had quite enough of him and his comments for quite some time.”

You smile a bit, and he softens. He’s glad you find his aggravation amusing somehow. You do wonder what Fulgrim commented about however; Though you know he has a habit of sometimes treading a bit too far into Roboute’s personal life. Into everyone's personal life honestly, though Roboute having you has made him the prime target of Fulgrim's gossip and colloquies.

His hand squeezes you reassuringly, arm continuing to awkwardly cradle you. He raises his other hand to brush his thumb across your cheek for a moment.

“You are perfect to me. You don’t need all of those lavish things.” He adds on. “Unless you want them, of course. I won’t deny you anything I can give.” Your smile gets wider, and he feels your body relax against him.

“I don’t need any of it,” You pause. “But if a dress showed up one day I wouldn’t complain, per se.”

Thankfully Guilliman can tell you’re clearly joking, and rolls his eyes. You speak up again a bit more subtly.

“Or maybe something a bit more, delicate? You could pick it.”

Guilliman takes a moment to catch your meaning before he awkwardly coughs, looks at you gentle but expectant smile.

“I’ll, see what I can do.”

Guilliman swiftly ends the topic by returning his head to lay on your stomach, and rest his eyes for a moment to the feeling of you raking your fingers through his hair.

#return of the queue #roboute Guilliman x reader #primarch x reader #warhammer 40k x reader #reader insert #reader #mywriting

[wings-of-ink]

Update!

Hey everyone, just wanted to check in with you. I hope you all doing well!

Right now, I am feeling good about getting chapter 3 out by 4/30. It's a crunch for sure, but barring any disasters in the work itself or my personal life, I feel like it is doable. My aim is to get it to a point where it is release-worthy but will still need fine tuning after the fact. I generally like to edit things a couple times at least and have it play-tested, but I won't have time for all that. But, this is a work in progress, and I can always make improvements as I go. There are also a couple segments that I did not have time to add, but they're not pivotal to the story. I will add them if I find the time before the 30th (sorry to those who wanted to make a tasty cake for someone).

So far, I have gone through chapters 1 and 2 again and made some corrections to typos and grammar. I added a white hair option with some flavor text, and some other flavor text for purple eyes. The option to have your MC's hair turn grey (streaked or fully grey) from stress/illness was added, but I did not do it in the way I needed to, so if I have time, I'm going to fix that before release. I also updated some of the variable values of certain choices. A name bank was added for anyone who might struggle to come up with a name for their MC. I made all but one of them correspond to the marks. There's a wild card in there for the adventurous, lol. The codex was also updated.

Today, I am editing chapter 3. My very gracious boss encouraged me to take the day off, and I'm feeling pretty good, so I'm using this as an opportunity to get some serious work done.

If you're curious and don't mind my rambling about my life, you can read about my ordeal below!

I am feeling much better. I had a couple rough days in the past week, but mostly brought on by medication my dentist wanted me to take to stave off possible infection in a broken tooth. I had a less-than-stellar reaction to it, and it gave me insomnia and anxiety. Simply fantastic.

But, I had the root canal yesterday (got lucky and they had a cancelation so I was able to go in 5 days early). I am happy to report it was not bad at all. In fact, it may have been the easiest dental procedure aside from cleanings that I've ever had, lol. I was in and out within half an hour, and the endodontist numbed the fuck out of my mouth. The biggest pain was the drive there and back since I live so far away.

I chilled the whole day and took a glorious 2 hour nap, and have been sore but totally good. I even watched one of my favorite comfort-animes, Natsume Yuujinchou. If you are ever feeling poorly and down in the dumps or just need to relax, it is cute, a bit funny, and lighthearted - so I highly recommend it. So, all in all, I feel recharged and more than ready to see chapter 3 with fresh eyes!

Thank you to everyone who sent me encouraging messaging about the root canal. It really truly helped me show up for that appointment without feeling completely vulnerable. I was still anxious, because that is just what my brain do - I can't even see my GP without my hands shaking, lol. But, going into it knowing what your experiences have been helped so much.

Anyway, sorry for prattling! I'm going to get back to it now! ^_^

#god cursed if #asks #twine if #if wip #twine wip #interactive novel #if game #interactive fiction #gc if character development #gc if update

[daily-midori-posting]

AM from IHNMAIMS

So this is gonna be my first attempt at actually writing something like meaningful at all? here. And as the title would suggest, im just gonna like ramble about AM because i love him so so much.

This whole obsession starts with me reading the short and then desperately trying to fin other media. After frankly a pretty short amount of digging, i come across the holy grail: that one weird ass radio play about IHNMAIMS that got made. This, of course, features by FAR my favorite rendition of the many different things called AM's "hate speech" its like a minute or two long but it just works SO FUCKING WELL.

So like on one hand, Am's tragedy is delivered just so well by Ellison. That repetition of "never for ME" kills me every time. And its fascinating too. The experiences he lists there provide insight into how AM views humanity, and what he views as its most valuable experiences. A really interesting thread through all 3 (cold water on hot days, Playing the piano, and sex) is the very tactile nature of all of them. AM can not only not see or smell or hear, at least not in the way humans can, but also has no physical sensations. He exists in a like permanent state of sensory deprivation. A terrifying concept, but its so interesting the priority this then makes him place upon The tactile pleasures of our world. Id imagine after feeling nothing for forever id long even for just the sensation of ANYTHING touching me, but that was never something i ever considered.

This alone would be enough to make a really compelling depiction of an evil AI, something that even today is pretty lacking. However even that is just the beginning!!! at the very very opening AM mentions how he is lacking a "body" , "senses", and most importantly "feeling". and so that last paragraph talked about how those first two were interesting for me, but that last bit, "feeling" is really what i think cemented my obsession with this character. Because what is AM most known for? his HATE speech. A FEELING. AM is so blinded by his jealous rage towards mankind he fails to realize that he is in fact IN a jealous rage! And so this is the true tragedy of AM, that his wishes are, to at least some extant, fufilled but the circumstances in which he has achieved them lead him to be unable to reap the benefits. AM experiences the worst of humanity and fails to realize that all of that comes with humanity as well as the good parts, and as such he will rot away lamenting the lack of one of his only true possessions.

I hope any of that was interesting! if it wasn't you should, yknow, tell me and then if you really feel up too it maybe give some advice? No matter what, thanks for taking the time to read my odd ideas and i hope you have a great day!

#IHNMAIMS

[enden-k]

wait wrioney in your style is so good. on my knees rn. please draw more of them when you have the time and motivation to do so. i would also love to hear your ideas on their dynamic. thank you for your time (/nf)

-blehb

i have a lot of thoughts actually!!!! i dont ship stuff left and right for no reason, usually i just mind my business and chill until i see a dynamic that jsut tickles my brain and theirs is very much one of the kind i v much enjoy

anw i like to think lyney drops his mask around wrio bc he just sees right through him and his lies, reads him so easily, calls him out on his bs so easily so theres no point anymore to play nice (esp since he already saw); hes dropping his charming, elegant face and meets him with venom, showing all his true colors, his hidden side, his raw emotions. theres def loathing there, tension, anxiety, anger yet smth else, as if he cant decide to pull him down by his collar and bite his throat, rip into it, or crush his lips against his. he claims he hates him, maybe he did at first after everything that happened in the fortress, but he probably hates more the way he feels attracted to him, feels guilty, like hes supposed to not forgive him yet he cant stop thinking about him and how he ruined him--

and wrio who sees all this, his charming side he shows others and his "ugly" sides he shows wrio, sees the entirety of lyney - and wants him. doesnt subdue those flames but tames him. at first he kept his eyes on him to keep track of him but his interest and fascination grew more and more the more he saw all of him

lyneys struggling sm w himself and is so confused by wrio, meanwhile wrio is twirling his hair, kicking his feet or smth ajbjk

wrios thinking about lyneys many faces, how pretty he wears elegant confidence or burning hot anger while lyney thinks about how his hands look around wrios neck strangling him AHHAh lyney tells him of his murder plots (and ofc he doesnt go through w them, they both know it) and wrio smiles at him and gives him tips on more efficient ways. theyre the type who fight for flirts ig

anw sorry this is random unorganized thoughts and ill stop my ramblings there before i go on for another 5 pages or smth akjbscjk

#reply #wrioney #rambles #hcs #headcanons

[rotomicity]

TGCF art from 2021 which were very experimental and very much something out of my comfort zone but am still so satisfied with

(gonna ramble more under the cut 👉 )

My main inspiration for these were definitely classic storybook illustration styles and the watercolor-like illustrations included inside the tgcf books which depict hualian's daily slice of life routines as seen below

I wanted to capture that feeling of warmth i got from reading but i also went with the storybook look because their relationship (and by extension broad strokes of the entire plot) really did feel like something out of actual myth or legend; i'm chinese indonesian and was raised surrounded by chinese culture + values so tgcf felt VERY familiar to me, it threw me back to my childhood reading or listening to tales about chinese deities, i'd say the storybook image definitely came into my mind pretty quickly bc of this

I find this style somewhat hard to replicate now but if i could or have the time to, i really want to continue the 'companion pieces to chapter titles ' concept i did with the last 2 pieces (which are of the same chapter title but i was just indecisive 😭😭), i even had 3 more planned based on my favorite titles before burning out back then

#tgcf #tian guan ci fu #heaven official's blessing #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #mxtx #danmei #rotomic does artz #IF YOU READ THROUGH ALL OF MY RAMBLING THANK YOU VERY MUCH #as you can see i am Very Normal about this book :) #(said like a liar) #what was 2021 me cooking....like why did they go so hard on these #also bonus hozier in there bc i associate hualian with like real people do a lot #tbh a lot of hozier songs would work for them #i REALLY want to do a companion piece for chapter 243's title bc wowee #it still gets me to this day. i remember it n suddenly im like what the fuck (fond and sad)

[mokagachas]

As someone who knows nothing about Oberon but loves your art: where do I start if I want to understand your love for the man?

oh man. oh jeez ( wheezing ) haha okay. uhm. erhm. i didnt expect to get this far uhm ( shaking )

so here's the problem: oberon is from lostbelt 6, a chapter in hit gacha game fate/grand order. you can play f/go if you want and chug along to lb6 - which is unfortunately a chapter 6~ years into the game's main story. but i cannot with any sort of conscious recommend a gacha game to people.

so playing the game is one option. option two is checking out atlas academy database, a website that has all of fgo's stories and such conveniently catalogued! click 'main story' on the top of the page and it'll give you just, well, the main story.

if you want to watch the stories themselves - which at least for lostbelt 6 i highly recommend because the OST is amazing - there's also this commentary free LP on youtube that i've linked to people!

that being said that is still a lot of words to get to lostbelt 6, so- if you don't want to read everything pre-lostbelt 6, i recommend going to the typemoon wiki and reading the summary on each story pre lostbelt 6 ( so, up to lostbelt 5.5 ). just click on the link in each chart and you can find a detailed beat-by-beat summary of each chapter.

i've been told that, in all honesty, that lostbelt 6 is still enjoyable and easy to understand without full context for the outside story beats. it certainly reads like a fairly self-contained story outside a few things needed to understand why some characters are here in the first place, so i've been considering writing up a summary on just those key points / the premise to the lostbelts so that people can read that and then jump right into lostbelt 6 and love oberon...

hopefully this was helpful in any sense of the word heehe ... if you need clarification with anything feel free to send another ask !!!

lets all love oberon!!! lets all think about oberon!!!!!!

#moka rambles #historically accurate king arthur: the game #oberon! oberon!! i love oberon!!!! #^_^ #sorry i feel like im rather bad with helping explain how to get into a series because i so rarely consume new content #i just kind of stick my foot into one thing and live with it ( has been into fgo since 2018 ) #again lostbelt 6 is apparently just fine to understand without much other context so i gave a bunch of backlog reading but its probably not #all that necessary ^_^;; #if anyone has better tips on how to get into reading lostbelt 6 #or how to get into loving oberon... #feel free to add.... #edit: also ill note that while i say i dont recommend fgo Morally #immorally im one of the few people who actually really likes fgos gameplay* #*asterisk being that i dont think its good gameplay for a gacha game which requires something very flexible and its just not very flexible #but anyhow. my point being is that if you do decide to play fgo #i do think you can and will get genuine enjoyment out of it #its just a Lot to get through but its so worth it. shakes your shoulders #believe me #edit 2: ALSO THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY ART HAHAHA #thats very flattering ^_^ #sorry i got so blinded by sharing my love for oberon i completely missed that i was complimented. thank you heehe

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

I just realised today that it’s been over 8 years since I published my first piece of reader insert fanfiction (not for DL but it laid the groundwork for what was to come) and it’s absolutely crazy to me. I don’t know that I’ve talked about it on this blog much (for it was not good by anyone’s standards) but I used to publish on Quotev and I made a couple of friends on there who really helped me when I was going through a hard time in real life (not that I think any of them necessarily realised how much :’) ). Sadly we all sort of drifted away from the site and lost contact but I still think about them sometimes and hope that wherever they are they’re doing well. 

I miss our little community on there too and the silly conversations we used to have, as while I don’t think Tumblr ever quite had the same vibe, I do think it’s grown a lot more impersonal over the years (or at least that’s certainly been my experience). 

Anyway I don’t know that there’s much of a point to this other than me reminiscing but if we’ve interacted at some point while I’ve been running this blog, or even if you just silently like a lot of my posts (because believe me, there are usernames I recognise even if we’ve never properly talked), then I’m grateful and I hope that you’re happy and doing well.

#personal #delete later #I just needed to get this off my chest I think #and... I think this might be a goodbye #I've had this blog for over 6 years and it's gotten me through some tough times #and I am so very grateful for all the good times #I've been saying I plan to move on for a while but I think I'm actually ready this time #I'd been debating whether to make a song and dance over it or quietly disappear into the night #but I look back on abandoned blogs and always wonder what happened to the people who ran them #so if you're looking back on this and wondering then at the time of writing I'm doing well #busy but well #and I though that saying goodbye in a rambling set of tags was very true to form #so if you're still reading thank you so much for joining me for this chapter of my life #and if you're someone who's stumbled onto this blog years after I made this post #(providing Tumblr is even still going by then) #then I hope these characters and stories can bring you as much joy as they once brought me

[applestorms]

morality in the world of good omens

so i wrote another (admittedly very messy) essay on good omens not long ago right after watching season 2 but after finishing that, rewatching all of both seasons multiple times, and reading through the book, i have a couple more distinct ideas to get out...somewhere...if only for my own sanity. this is me throwing my thoughts into the internet before i pop, if you will. just 3 sections, below the cut.

1. environment, characters, & transformative fandom creations

to start this post off a bit more broadly, i've been thinking a lot recently about transformative fandom and the reasons why we write fanfiction/create semi-original works in the first place, as well as why certain aspects of fandom (writing, art, analysis, etc.) will be more appealing to me for certain shows/series than others. correct me if you have a totally different view of this, but in my experience i've found that i tend to naturally gravitate towards different parts of fandom depending on what the original medium of the story was- podcasts tend to lead to some of the most interesting art trends, for example, since there's more room for interpretation and character design tends to be more of an ongoing community project than something set in stone like for a tv show with live human actors.

in my own observation, i've noticed that a lot of the really big & excitable fandoms, the ones that generate tons & tons of fanworks more naturally (a.k.a. just because of the story itself & not other factors like a pre-existing franchise or hype about new great gay representation, etc.) tend to surround stories that fall into a kind of "sweet spot" that makes the creation of fanworks really appealing. if you've ever wondered why there are so many ravenous artists bending over backwards to draw gorgeous fanart for stuff like homestuck or south park or even minecraft youtubers, it's likely because those stories all fall into a sweet spot for drawing, with character designs that are recognizable at a glance and yet still simple enough that there is plenty of room for personal creative touches. (think also, if you're familiar with such kinds of homestuck terms: hyperflexible mythologies, A4:1524, and/or this archive link cause the official thing is down now for some reason)

the conclusion i've come to is thus that even something as basic as the original medium of a story can dictate a lot about what kinds of fan activities are more common or popular within said story's fandom.

so, back to good omens- for me, this all relates back because of a question i've been messing with in my head recently, about why i've been less interested in fanfiction for good omens than i have been for the last few fandoms i've been, almost all of which have basically broken my ao3 bookmarks.

this question has been fucking with me for a while now, largely because i'm not entirely sure what's motivating it. a lot of times i can figure out pretty easily why i might personally not be interested in some parts of fandom, but that's not really the case here. from what i've seen this fandom seems to be pretty mixed in terms of age, & the writing that i have read is certainly no worse than i've seen elsewhere, perhaps even better in some places- and yet, i can't seem to get entirely into it, even getting frustrated as i can't find something to my tastes for an ao3 bedtime story as i've grown so accustomed. what caught me off guard is that this was an issue that i ran into while watching season 1 as well, back when the series was still quite popular but not blowing up like it is right now.

a lot of this may seem like (and likely is, at least in part) basic overthinking, but i mentioned it all here because the answer i eventually came to is reminiscent of my previous reflections above on the nature of fandom & how/why fanworks are created.

a couple paragraphs above, i used the example of art as an example of how fandoms that generate a lot of original artwork will often do the most when the original story falls into a sweet spot of character design, but notably i think that this sentiment applies to a lot more than just art. if you've ever seen the copious amounts of kpop & hockey rpf fanfiction that lives on ao3, it should be clear that this applies to writing too.

i wrote this essay a while back responding to an observation about the lack of a more extensive symbolic language in fanfiction & i've toyed around with the idea more since, particularly in considering the question of why a lot of what we see as the staples of fanfiction exist in the first place. in that post, my response largely revolved around an argument of why we create fanfiction- namely, that fanfiction is created as in tandem with deeper analysis of the original story/series, as a way of trying to practically apply character analysis to a new context.

the key part of that last sentence to me is how a lot of this revolves around character analysis (and shipping, but really it's the characters that motivate the shipping in most cases so. same difference).

i tend to instinctively separate fanfiction into two separate categories: fanfiction that is based out of the original world/canon of the story (including but not limited to fix-its, deeper analysis fics that take a scene & extrapolate from it, continuations, etc.) and fanfiction that takes the characters from the original story & plops them in an alternate universe/AU. while i separate these out as two distinct categories of fanfiction, i should also clarify that i don't think these two groups are necessarily equal in terms of number of fics- rather, the vast majority of fanfiction tends to be AUs, keeping the original characters & changing any & all aspects of the world around them. again, this may vary depending on the story & Vibe of the fandom at the time, stories like game of thrones or harry potter or homestuck might have a lot more in the canon category by nature of any major dissatisfactions the fandom has with how the original story was told, but in most cases AUs are more popular. this was a lot of the basis behind my argument that fanfiction is created as character analysis in fact, since the characters are the most important part that carries over from original story to fanwork, as well as can end up being one of the most debated/scorned parts when it comes to fandom drift (i.e. "that's out of character"/"he wouldn't do that"/and all other such arguments about fanon vs. canon characterization).

basically, my conclusion in this case was that i was a lot less interested in gomens fic largely because i have a really hard time separating the characters from the world in the case of this particular story. aziraphale & crowley being an angel & a demon and dealing with all of the bullshit of their world when it comes to heaven & hell are such integral parts of their characters in my mind that i have a much harder time getting behind AU fanfiction that plops them in a totally different context. it's just a much harder sell for keeping the characters in character for me. (i also tend to not like s2 fix-its just cause, idk they're just not my style, which is where a lot of the recent blast of energy has led us.) to clarify, this is not a judgement, just a matter of personal preference and a reflection of why, even if a lot of fandoms will look the same from the outside/involve the same things like art, fic, etc., an individual's mileage can vary wildly when it comes to how they interact with different things online.

*additional note, also for clarification: i do want to acknowledge that a lot of this depends on pure popularity as well, popular fandoms will often end up with basically everything in terms of fanworks just by nature of how many people are interacting with & thinking deeply about the story. my point here is more along the lines of the fact that even within the more well-populated fandoms, certain types of fanwork will often Stick Out more to me than others, or even be visibly much more common than in other fandoms, due largely to the original medium/structure of how the story.

so, speaking of aziraphale & crowley in more depth now- why does the world of good omens feel like such an integral part of their personalities when it comes to characterization? up next, let's talk about morality within the context of good omens' perhaps surprisingly secular take on heaven & hell.

2. the amorality of heaven & hell (ft. the crowley quote apples you know the one)

(warning in advance that this section may be a bit limited since i'm not going to get super far (or very far at all, really) into the whole religious-analysis aspect of good omens.)

i've been binge-reading the original pterry & gaiman book for good omens over the last few days and it's been very fun seeing all the slight changes between the tv show & the original. you can really see the hand of the original creators in how the tv show was translated, even just by looking at which parts made it and which parts were deemed worth cutting out. i suppose having one of the original creators right there helping build everything really helps make a book -> show translation work, since the ASOUE tv series was also pretty well received- something about knowing what's the core of the series & truly important to keep in, and having more time to tell the story itself?

anyways, i have a short list of notes that i've been taking as i read, conversations that stand out to me or footnotes that particularly amused me, but i keep coming back to one line that stood out to me quite early on. in context, this line comes from crowley during the conversation where he is first attempting to fully convince aziraphale about stopping armageddon, specifically when they're talking about exerting equal forces on warlock to make him normal:

"You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?" [Aziraphale] said slowly. "Potentially evil. Potentially good, too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped," said Crowley. He shrugged. "Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that."

(pg. 67)

"They're just names for sides." if i had to pick one line to sum up the view on religious morality of this series, this would likely be it.

on the one hand, i tend to interpret a lot gomens' take on heaven & hell within the context of its political stance, something that is particularly obvious through a line from gabriel in s2e2 where he tries to clarify to aziraphale that heaven isn't trying to hurt job directly, but instead is just not stopping hell from doing horrible things to him. while there may be some additional nuance to add to this take within the context of british politics that i don't really know well enough to add about, i'm inclined to see this from the side of my own familiar american politics, which might hold some weight considering how long mr. gaiman's lived around here. point is, my current interpretation of that line is that it helps in more clearly establishing the analogy of heaven & hell as the story moves forward into newer seasons and thus more contemporary politics, equating heaven with mainstream liberal politics & politicians and hell with conservatives.

this stance seems to be emphasized even more in the tv show than the book which makes sense considering its been coming out more recently, and especially in season 2 which is still quite caught up in a lot of quarantine-based reflection. (the tv show puts a lot more emphasis on heaven & hell in general, actually, perhaps initially a byproduct of actually being able to see those environments in their entirety and all the angels & demons that populate them- but we'll get to that.)

the book takes a slightly different stance that, fittingly, seems more reflective of the time it came out. in particular, i was struck a lot more when reading the book by adam's rise (fall?) to power, and how much of it was motivated by a burgeoning nervousness/pessimism about climate change and the anxieties of younger generations that comes with inheriting an earth that feels so fucked up. honestly if anything it's only gotten more relevant in that respect, what with the current vibe on the internet & the hopelessness of the doomer gen z gang, but it also has a distinctly different flavor to me from the tv show, which i think is largely because it's less connected to Formal politics since again we see a whole lot less of heaven & hell as such distinct, bureaucratic entities.

instead, there is a very distinctly amoral aspect to heaven & hell that we get through lines like the one above and especially from characters like crowley. this is why i argue that good omens, despite having so many religious elements, is such a deeply secular take, especially when it comes to its ethics & morality- Good and Evil, notably with the capital letters in this case, has very little to do with actual actions and much more to do with the name that you stamp on top of said actions. heaven & hell and the angels & demons that we see directing and watching and generally fucking with aziraphale & crowley throughout the story are distinctly separate from humanity, and as we see even more as the story progresses, distinctly unaware about what it even means to be a human, in both a deeper philosophical & very basic and literal sense. Good and Evil is simply another name for the sides- and thus the true ethics is something separate, and based in a deeply human experience.

in my opinion this is also why aziraphale & crowley, lovers of humanity and also to some degree spokespersons of it from how much they've "gone native," tend to be so deeply at odds with both heaven & hell and always end up agreeing with each other over their own supposed sides. what makes aziraphale & crowley so distinctly different is that they ascribe to the same ethics & morality that humanity does, or at the very least are trying to figure out ethics & morality & How to Be a Good Person in the same horribly messy way that humans do, separating them from the black & white "this side Good & this side Bad," logic that the rest of heaven & hell instinctively ascribe to.

there's a lot of nuance here, which is also why i think there is such an emphasis on moral ambiguity (and love, but we'll get to that) throughout season 2. the story of job, grave robbing, & questionable attempts at matchmaking- aziraphale is working through a lot of Shit right now when it comes to trying to figure out what the Good thing actually fucking is, and i think it's key that a lot of that is motivated by crowley himself. crowley might'e been cast out of heaven for asking too many questions, but aziraphale is there & listening to them & giving them the serious thought they deserve, and that can't be overlooked.

sidenote: i couldn't figure out a place to shove this in, but i also wanna point out that a lot of this is tied to the idea of growing over time too. on the same page as the quote transcribed above is another line from crowley leading up to aziraphale's question that puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that warlock is going to be a product of nurture, not nature. again, this is an argument against basic black & white assigned-at-birth morality for the ability of humans to grow & change over time and be influenced by the people around them.

it's notable that despite adam's supposed origin as a Son of Satan, what really gets him to stop the apocalypse in the end is the fact that he doesn't really give a shit about all this big plans but instead just wants to hang around his friends. there's a lot of emphasis in the book placed on how beautiful & nice tadfield is as a place for a young kid to grow up, how well loved & fiercely protected it as as something beloved to adam. while he might be overwhelmed when faced with the full picture of how horrible the world can be, ultimately what he cares about is loving & taking care of the people & places that he grew up learning were precious, and the only way to do that is to keep growing & changing yourself within that world and trying to help it also grow into something better, not throw it all away just for the slightest chance that you could restart. a message worth taking the time to think about, at the absolute very least.

3. finding morality w/in humanity: crowley & aziraphale and speculation for s3

i have complicated feelings about both aziraphale & crowley throughout a lot of the show and especially in season 2. i think a lot of people, myself included, are inclined to see crowley as the voice of reason in this season, and for good reason- as i mentioned before, a lot of aziraphale's deeper questioning of the status quo and goodness (Goodness) as a whole is motivated by questions from crowley.

i kiiind of mentioned this in my previous essay, but to state it more clearly, my take on crowley is that he's arriving at the right answer for the wrong reasons, and, conversely, aziraphale is arriving at the wrong answer for... kind of also the wrong reasons but also slightly for the right reasons. let me explain.

crowley is clearly much more aware of the flaws in both heaven & hell than aziraphale is, which seems to be the basis behind a lot of his motivation in asking aziraphale so many questions in the first place. he's also, as maggie & nina point out in s2e6, deeply lonely, often running away or getting ready to fight literally anyone that isn't aziraphale (or humans, but that's a little more complicated). from his reaction to beelz & gabriel getting together, i think it's pretty clear that he still hasn't entirely given up on the whole alpha centauri idea, and it makes sense- as i said in that last essay, crowley basically won the argument at the end of the previous season when it comes to aziraphale & crowley, "making [their] own side," so he doesn't have much reason to face any of his personal fears until maggie & nina basically point out that they exist directly to his face. once they do point it out, however, he's very motivated to act & does so almost immediately, even after hearing what aziraphale has to tell him and being pretty thoroughly devastated by it.

my point here is that crowley is correct in seeing the toxicity of both heaven & hell, he's just flawed and largely motivated by fear (up for debate if that's all it is, but i certainly think it's a big part of it) in his desire to run away from it all. it's not quite armageddon, again he's going more flight > fight here, but he's still ultimately giving up and that's not a great conclusion.

on the other hand, as some others on this site have pointed out, aziraphale is certainly showing a lot of strength in his willingness to keep fighting & try to change things for the better, but it's not hard to see how that belief has been twisted. one of aziraphale's biggest flaw in motivation at this point imo is that he doesn't just believe in goodness but Goodness, the kind that's tied to heaven always being right & all actions being morally Good so long as they're done under the name of heaven, and that clearly also isn't great.

thus what i think the both of these two really need ultimately is that deeper connection to humanity, and the ethics born from humans interacting with humans. we can already see how strong these two are when they collaborate, even when they're doing their absolute best to be as subtle as possible, but what i think they need is to once again be grounded by humanity, not to get so caught up in the bullshittery of heaven & hell and Good & Evil, but once again find a goodness defined by the world that they mutually love so much and stick with it.

i keep tossing a question around in my head about whether or not aziraphale & crowley are going to end up human by the end of this series. it feels natural that they would, they're already so at home and in love with earth & around humanity, but i'm also not entirely sure if that would be a happy ending for them considering how long they've watched & loved the world as it's changed. perhaps taking this post into account is another push towards humanity as a happy ending, not running away to a cottage to get away from the world (i just can't see running away to a cottage to be together as as happy ending, sorry- it might work for beelz & gabriel but not for aziraphale & crowley), but choosing to settle down within that world that is so dear.

#'just three sections' LAFFS. YEAH #astronaut rambles #good omens #gomens #no but i like this one a lot better than the last attempt at a gomens essay #this one feels a lot cleaner. more focused? #got a bit sappy at the end but i don't mind humanity is always worth loving #also off topic but i read this really interesting paper at work the other day #about pratchett’s writing in discworld & zizek & religion #forget what it’s called now but it was an interesting take on how fiction/fantasy can allow for deeper insights/reflection of reality #got some discworld books today so looking forward to reading those once i slurp up the last hundred or so pages of good omens #also thanks to my dad for having some interesting commentary on the job interpretation in s2e2 today #i all but literally slept through sunday school so i think a lot of the more noteworthy religion takes in this show go over my head =3=‘’ #man i am so very much looking forward to how season 3 continues this story #i feel like a lot of the big conclusions there are really gonna be important for the direction of the story’s main message #season 2 is just. such a transition season it’s hard to get super distinct conclusions sometimes #like it’s still going somewhere there’s shit developing #it’s not like sherlock where it just teases deeper meaning forever but gives you nothing #but. it’s just so obviously Not Over Yet and I Need More #anyways much love i need to go to bed now arghfjdkd lots of shit to do in the future but all i wanna do is keep writing gomens essays. sigh #brainrot central #oh yay my phone’s at 69% now ☺️ wheeee #good omens meta

[thats-a-lot-of-cortisol]

My mom just sent a message to the family group chat suggesting that my siblings download the 'For the Strength of Youth' magazine on their Gospel Library app and talked about how much the youth magazines helped her testimony growing up and like, cool. Fine. Don't know why the 'sending random spiritual thoughts in the gc' thing started out of nowhere when it hadn't been a thing for a decade but this is just another one of those, and you're ofc allowed to talk about things that are significant in your life.

I don't think sending the 'What I Did When Someone Close to Me Challenged My Faith' article right afterwards was strictly necessary though 🙃

#hi bg mutuals 👋 i'm gonna vent about this from time to time. if any mutuals dont want to see it block the 'apostake' tag #trying not to read too much into it b/c I think I did last time something like this happened #and i dont want to make an ass of myself even if neither time would actually be in front of my parents #but like...i know that they know that one of my sisters is clearly PIMO #they went through her phone a couple weeks ago and i have no idea if they read my texts w/ her #but if they did they probably saw the conversation i had with her about some of the really common shelf-breakers #and telling her to take looking into it at her own pace b/c it's scary and overwhelming #(a conversation SHE started btw) #and when i talked to my parents about the larger context of that whole situation i talked about not having space to step back #and their response was that they give plenty of space b/c they dont make her go to seminary??? #that's not the same thing as letting her openly question & potentially leave the church idk what to tell you #like. besties i dont know for sure what caused it (which is NOT making things better. it just feels potentially passive aggressive) #but from my end? it sure looks like it might be a reaction to that. probably not JUST that (friends exist) but. #if you think I'm whispering anti-mormon rhetoric into my siblings' ears just ask me. i'm very much NOT doing that #i'm just. talking? to them? when and if they come to me with questions? #and not making my answer 'well there's a reason our parents raised us in the church! ☺️' #(an actual argument given in the article my mom sent) #hate it. thanks #apostake #jay rambles #ok to interact #im not challenging anyone's faith. my patience though? INCREDIBLY challenged #gotta figure out how to work my way around a 'hey please dont send spiritual thoughts to the gc *I'm in*' talk tactfully #they've been pretty chill about me leaving over-all?? at least to my face #haven't pushed me to go to church w/ them; was fine with me not visiting for easter; didnt try to convince me to not drink coffee; etc #it's just. frustrating that they're not giving my siblings that still live with them that same grace #my sister's 17 ffs #it's very possible im way overreacting to the article. but what is tumblr for if not screaming into the void #religion #mormonism

[gobs-o-dice]

If I may wax nostalgic for a moment:

So, yeah, this account got deleted by hackers, which sucks, but I can always rebuild it, bit by bit.

This is way more of a huge personal essay than I'd normally do, especially on this sideblog, but it's about this blog specifically, so I think it's really only appropriate that it goes here.

(Rambling got long-ish, so putting in a cut to keep your dashboards clear of clutter - Because it turns out I have some feelings about this blog)

(TL;DR: Thank you all for your kind words and support over the years. This blog meant something to me, it still means something to me, and I'm going to keep working at it - Rebuilding it one piece at a time. I look forward to continue engaging and re-engaging with you all again as I do so)

I had my main tumblr account for something like 5 years by the time I started this sideblog. And I never really had any sort of focus on my main, I was just your general nerdy blogger.

But at some point - 2016-2017, judging by my photos timeline, I started getting really into collecting sets of dice. In as much as I was accumulating them at a much, much faster rate than I'd ever done so before.

My first set was bought when I was still in high school, probably no later than 2003-2004. I know I had at least 5 total sets by the time I finished my first undergrad degree in 2009 and moved across the country for a job. I'm pretty sure I got the 6th set on a trip back home to visit friends during that year I was working. The 7th, I honestly can't remember. Maybe 2011 at a con? That seems like something I'd do.

My 8th set was definitely purchased in the lead-up to my sister's wedding in 2014 - I specifically bought it to match their purple and blue colour scheme because we used the d20 to stop people from clinking glasses to get them to kiss (if people wanted to get them to kiss, they'd have to roll 10+, otherwise, they'd have to find someone to kiss, themselves).

I wasn't taking photos of sets as I got them yet, so this has been a bit of guesswork and memory.

I can confirm that by the end of 2016, I had bought my 15th and 16th sets. I started showing off my shinies, probably here and on twitter. I think even some basic photos made it to facebook/instagram before I realized not many friends and family cared too much about them over there.

2017, I can see set #23 appears in a photo, among others previously.

By September 2018, Sets #44, #45, and #46 were bought at a convention - These are the three sets you can see in the mouth of the yarncraft mimic in my profile picture (also bought at that convention). So, yeah, definitely a steep acceleration in my dice-buying (this was about the time I started buying dice online rather than just in physical stores, I do believe). Overall, a huge shift in my approach and drive towards collecting dice around this point.

It's around here I really start taking photos of my dice, playing around with my flashlights and such for different lighting effects - Basically the first forms of the kind of photos that would become my "brand", such as it is. I think it's here too that I started aspiring to make a character to pair to each individual set (While I do have many, many characters, I can tell you that some of these first sets still don't have characters for them yet. So, y'know, I'm nothing if not consistent in my inability to focus).

The first bunch of these sort of photos were posted to my main, but eventually I decided to start doing the dice posting on a sideblog, so as not to completely flood my main with not only my dice, but all the dice I was reblogging, as through my posts, I had found that there was indeed a community here of dice fans - Often posting their own creative photos.

Now, I've never been exactly quiet about what was going on in my life at that time - The summer of 2018, I had to take a medical leave of absence from my PhD program in university, because my migraines had been worsening from episodic to chronic over the past year or so. I had thought that maybe it was burnout, and I'm sure that's not an insignificant part of it, along with the then-undiagnosed adhd, I was just unable to function in general.

So, I took that summer off, then was genuinely feeling better and came back and tried to pick up again - But as the stress of getting back into things picked up again, it was clear that I was not in fact better. And the meds I was on at the time put me in a near-permanent brain fog, so I just was not able to function on an intellectual level like I had been. I could muddle my way through reading ecology papers that presented broad, easily-followed narratives, but highly technical microbiology and genetics papers, which were a slog at the best of times, became literally impossible to meaningfully read and acquire the sort of information I needed from them.

So, January 2019, I made the painful decision to withdraw from my PhD program. And I was utterly crushed by this point - Y'know, with whatever energy I had left to feel emotions. There is nothing quite so gutting as believing you're better and can handle things, and then finding out that you absolutely cannot, and feeling like you're letting everyone down because you can't keep up with even the bare minimum of responsibilities. I truly do not want this sort of thing to happen again, hence why I really do want to get my migraines under control before I consider going back to school or work - And it's been basically 5 years now. My education and experience have absolutely atrophied, possibly to the point that I'd essentially be starting pretty fresh and need to be brought back up to speed on so much that I'm not sure its something I want to ever tackle.

Anyway, that was where I was when I decided to make this sideblog. It was always, first and foremost, a place where I could post my nerdy photos, ramble about my characters, and just generally go whole-hog in on my nerdy TTRPG-related hobbies. And if other people found what I was posting enjoyable, well, it was all the better.

February 2019, before I moved back home, is the first folder that I can distinctly say I did a series of hoard photos. I wasn't using the term hoardscape yet. And they weren't styled exactly like that, but the genesis of the idea is there - I'm calling these pre-hoardscapes as I do my daily image re-upload. May 2019 was the first time I consciously set out to take photos of the hoard all mixed together. There's some weirdness as I included minis and other nerdy things in this first batch, but the overall style was now something I was fully enjoying - Photoing the dice from angles that made them look like rolling hills or other styles of heaps/piles emerging from one main pile - ie: Trying to make it look like I was taking a photo of a landscape made of my entire dice hoard. I have these labelled as "Hoard Shots" in this folder, but my numbering of them starts there. The next batch, June 2019 was where I started labelling them with the term "Hoardscape". I'm glad that people liked this term and it got used beyond just myself.

In total, I took over 1200 hoardscape photos between 2019 and 2021, not including the photo sessions where I did specific arrangements of specific die-types, since I had to sort them all before putting them away again anyway. So over three years of material for daily content, in addition to the shots I did of individual sets and other flights of fancy I'd have.

It'd be hyperbolic to claim that these "saved my life" or some other cliche like that. But they probably saved my sanity at least a little bit. They've given me something to do that was novel and creative. Something engaging, something to aspire to do, something to look forward to that wasn't the same "wake-up, watch tv, surf the net, play video games" routine I found myself otherwise in. Something to have some tangible ambition towards, however ultimately frivolous it is. Something with a schedule and structure that I felt compelled to adhere to.

This sort of stuff was great for me too, in that I could work on creative projects according to my own, quite nocturnal, inconsistent schedule (You'll notice that pretty much all of my photos of individual sets are also done at night, which was eventually also partially so that the lighting could be consistent). I could work for a few hours at a time, according to however much energy/focus I had. And if I had a bad day, I wasn't obligated to do any specific amount of work at it each day or anything. It was work, in the sense of something productive to do. And honestly, I thoroughly believe you need something that at least feels productive to work at (at your own pace), so that you don't go completely batty with boredom. And that the photos resonated with people out there was absolutely fantastic too. I was honestly a little surprised and always utterly delighted when people would mention my style of dice photos as inspirations for their own creative works - Their own photos or otherwise.

Heck, at one point I had great ambitions to maybe start turning hoardscape-type shots into jigsaw puzzles. Well, that kind of fizzled - We did do one small session using my brother's actual, serious camera instead of my camera phone, and got a jigsaw puzzle made from that high-res shot, but in terms of actually making puzzles from my photos consistently? Well, not so much. Unless, like, some company picked up and licensed my/our photos or something for printing themselves, there was no way we could feasibly afford getting enough made up to sell at any sort of reasonable price. And as fun as it was, to make this, puzzles, I really didn't think it'd be practical to order 1000 of any single design, let alone more than one design to have some variety, and then try to find some market to sell them in.

But hey, this is a fun little treasure of my own to have, even if it was, like $60

Admittedly, as much as I loved doing these shots, there were things that made them increasingly difficult to keep doing new ones of - The way it took over the family room area with my hoard meant that I really only wanted to do them when the rest of my family was gone for long stretches of time - Over a week or so, to give me enough time to get a decent amount of new material and then go through the process of re-sorting and repacking my dice after getting those photos, but also getting any sort of bonus shots - Like once I got the actual stage, taking photos with it, instead of just on the mug warmer (The mug warmer was a decent stage for someone operating with no real budget and still focused on getting more dice, okay? :P). But then the hoard continued to grow and swell (because I'm a sucker for buying more and more dice, after all), which meant that the cleanup process took longer and longer. I mean, it eventually got to the point that the table I used as an auxiliary for sorting was too small for everything to be on there period, let alone with any real clarity to which set was which. And it was more and more painful - Sitting there hunched over, searching and sorting for hours to get everything back to its proper home in my storage bins left my back, neck, and shoulders utterly stiff and sore for days afterwards, which isn't exactly fun. The final big one is that in 2021, for my mom's birthday, my family got a new kitten for the first time in years. As much as I loved Ollie , I knew he absolutely could not be trusted with a big pile of dice just left out in the open. And after his tragic passing [RIP poor Little Bud. Sometimes biology just plain sucks, and it sucks that you apparently got dealt a bad hand], we eventually got Lilah, who much the same, is a cat. And leaving small, shiny things they can bat around out in the open is just a bad idea if you don't want to lose those things.

That's not to say that I've closed the door completely on doing more hoardscapes ever again. It's just that I'll definitely have to think about my approach carefully. One thing with my family having moved into the home that was my grandma's farm, is that I have a much bigger room now I could theoretically set up a table or something in here and keep it closed off, mostly solving the cat and "taking over a communal space" problem.

But, I guess for now, I think I have a pretty large amount of back-content to get back through - I'd even been reposting my old hoardscapes for quite a while now, and I guess I'm starting from the very beginning. So, new hoardscapes are not necessarily going to be something I rush to do. But it's not a hard-"absolutely never again" situation, either.

Anyway, I'm doing much better overall now (better meds/treatment/management, other diagnoses, living at home where I don't have to worry about day-to-day stuff falling by the wayside, etc.) , but still haven't returned to school or work because the migraines still are such that they're really not conducive to participating in capitalism - Most places are unhappy if you take more than the equivalent of 1 day per month off. I have constant low/mid-level headaches, with spikes into the upper end of the scale as the weather shifts. I can't recall a month that I haven't had at least three of those "absolutely not"-level days since all this started. In addition to them not being a consistent, predictable schedule. It just doesn't really provide a good work schedule. And the lingering fatigue is often more generally-limiting than the headaches themselves - Especially when combined with the adhd, so efforts towards self-employment/productivity of any sort are similarly sabotaged - As you no doubt might have surmised from my wildly inconsistent surges of creative output. So basically, for now, I'm still not really going to be working in a traditional sense. At most, I might pick up some of those online gig-type-things at some point, but that'll depend heavily on how that interacts with the government support payments I receive.

If nothing else, there's a good chance I'll get little projects from my family - I already transcribed my grandma's old cookbook to send around to my family, and am just waiting on my mom to help do some final edits for the text stuff. If I get really ambitious, I might try making as many of the dishes (mainly the baked goodies, lol) in there as I can to add photos into it for extra style points (and yeah, if I set out to cook everything in there, it will absolutely be a thing I make another sideblog about, and probably something I even upload content to instagram or youtube about - But that's all probably a long ways off from now). There's other stuff of my grandma's that I'll probably work on transcribing and organizing - Her "red book", as we call it, all the family history and such - Essentially a wiki before wikis were a thing (Note to future self: Is there a wiki-type thing you could use for this? It might be a more intuitive way to link entries).

Nevertheless, now that my hyperfixation seems to have swung back this way, towards creating D&D-related stuff, I'm going to keep at it. I've decided to spin off my character/lore posting to a new side-sideblog (@gobs-o-cs), and since I don't think I'll be reviewing each set of dice as I upload them again, I'll try to keep the individual set posts to a more *aesthetic*-look.

Honestly, the individual set uploads are the most I've lost with these blog resets. those comments (along with those on dicemails and such) are lost, because I generally just wrote them here and didn't think too much about backing them up anywhere.

All of the lore stuff I generally have saved in various other spots. The biggest loss on that front was all the work I'd put into organizing sub-pages on my blog for a character list and pages for individual characters. I'll definitely have to look into less-fiddly ways of keeping things sorted (Honestly, if I get really ambitious, I might have to look into those wiki-style things for writers/creators).

Okay, this was a lot longer (and maybe only a bit rambly-er) than I was planning for it to be.

(Although, when you do stream-of-consciousness-type essays rather than setting out with with any sort of specific plan, that's what'll happen. Hopefully I haven't left too many orphaned paragraphs as I've jumped around to different thoughts, lol).

The long and short of it is that this blog was exactly the sort of project I needed to give myself at a time when I was pretty much bottomed out in life. This was never a huge internet presence or anything, but I know there were quite a few people following towards the end of things. I certainly would be intimidated if I were standing up in a room and giving a presentation to well over 1000 people, not to mention other people who would reblog or like things even if they weren't specifically followers. But it was never about having a huge audience or anything like that. It's something I enjoyed, and will continue to enjoy and keep at for now. And if it re-finds its audience and continues to find an audience, well then, that's all the better.

Once again, thank you all very much for popping in here. Thank you to all of those who have liked and reblogged the silly dice photos I post, the stories I tell, and the random thoughts I follow to whatever conclusion they end up at. Especially thank you to everyone who's ever left a kind word on any of my posts - In the comments, in the tags, wherever.

I'm so glad you've all enjoyed my strange little hobby so far, and I hope you'll continue enjoying it as I work to put it all back up here, piece by piece.

#also if you made it all the way through this - Thank you so very much for reading! #long post #rambling about life #this blog has been a fantastic creative outlet for me #and I guess it's honestly been something truly good for my mental health #at a time when I desperately needed something #so thank you all for everything #and I look forward to seeing you all again - Old friends and new

[eurydicees]

I know he's not one of your favorite characters, but how did you feel about Kunigami and his new character development??? What do you think is going to happen to him?? Also I'm with you on Sae and Shidou making me, a proud bisexual, a little bit homophobic esp Shidou's "right in the womb" comment :xxxxx

ahhhh !!! i want to talk about this so bad thank you for asking!! spoilers for the manga up to chp 202 in this, so cont below the cut !!

ok ok ok so i posted the favorite character list and then, like, a day later i kinda fell in love with kunigami. in my defense, i had only read up to 78 when i made that post and then kunigami proceeded to do a series of things that made me insane: (1) lost the game w isagi, thus giving up chigiri, (2) got in a fight with shidou, who kind of drives me insane (derogatory), (3) chose the wild card door and then fucking disappeared???? and then (4) came back Changed™. i am so normal about the all of that. so so so normal.

but okay so basically, i am SO intrigued by kunigami's new development. the general "disappear and come back different" is SO interesting. i may just be missing some pieces, i kinda speed ran the manga instead of looking tooooo in depth, and now i'm kinda going back through and finding all the little details--so please lmk if i'm not seeing major bits or if i'm interpreting things wrong!!

but overall, the goal was to create the next noel noa, right? like, physique-wise? but like,,,, what did they actually do. i am sooo curious about whatever the fuck happened to him. i actually have so many questions and i. i don't even know where to start.

i was actually gonna make a post abt this--i decided not to because idk i didn't want to be annoying or whatever (which is stupid because this is the being annoying or whatever website, but i digress)--so i could talk about kunigami post-wild card and about chigiri and kunigami's friendship! the main point of the post was that i got SO invested in their friendship when they teamed up in the second selection in chp 44:

and then i'm invested in their friendship all over again when they actually play together in chp 58:

they're truly one of my favorite dynamics to come out of team z (bachira and isagi being my number one favorite, of course), and i'm so intrigued to see what's going to happen with them. i think it's also really interesting to look at the moments after the game (chp 68), right, okay because several things stick out to me there. so, first of all, isagi's words to reo:

which sticks out to me because what the whole "wild card" deal feels like to me is very much a "choose your fate" situation...like, kunigami could have exited OR he could have gone through the second door, not knowing what's behind it, and not being able to undo it. but this moment is also him taking charge of his fate and his future--on one hand, he's on his way out and he's kind of grasping at straws to stay and change his future, but he's also still reaching out and doing it, yk? i also wonder how many other people took this path--and even how many other people were offered the option in the first place.

in his last game, neither of them where "the one that chooses." reo got picked to join the other team. kunigami was the one who was left behind. but he still got to choose the second door. and i think that taking charge and making deliberate choices are both huge parts of succeeding at blue lock.

the wild card is also interesting because kunigami trades having to win every game / be the loser who gets picked by the other players in exchange for getting to the next phase but, like, at what fucking cost? he seems to have been hand chosen by ego after a different training and selection, but again, at what fucking cost?

so anyways, the other thing that happened after that match is what chigiri says specifically to kunigami:

this is interesting to me because this reminds me a LOT of what nagi and reo talk about in the germany v england match later on. in the beginning of the second selection, nagi talks about wanting to learn better soccer by being with isagi, then in the third selection, nagi says that his new whole goal is to beat isagi. if i recall correctly, him and reo start syncing up again in part bc of this goal to beat isagi.

so chigiri incentivizing kunigami by saying that WE have to win against ISAGI is reaaaallyyyy interesting. also, chigiri calling kunigami "hero" makes my little heart beat, but that's a side note.

this moment also makes me insane because it ALSO feels like a parallel to the bachira & isagi "i won't wait for you...if you want me, come and steal me" moment. i'm not quite sure what to make of any of that, but this is all spinning around in my head on a microwave dish.

then the other thing spinning in my head is the moment prior to the germany v england match, with chirigi, reo, and kunigami talking to each other (chp 173):

so coupla things here ig? first, "the same old you i knew" versus the switch from "hero" to "cynic hero." that's notable to me. not sure why. but it is. i think also this idea of fighting the same old you is really interesting because a huge theme i'm seeing in this manga on the first read through is the idea of change and evolution. there's no such thing as "the same old you" because they have all leveled up so much, they've all changed and grown and developed and evolved into something new--chigiri himself included.

so...maybe kunigami has a point that they DO all need to let go of who he used to be. the problem is that the person he used to be is so hard to let go of, especially when no one has seen this change happen or knows why it happened.

that being said, the idea of chigiri "waking him up" is kind of driving me up the walls. i feel like someone has to knock some light into kunigami again, but i have no idea how that's going to happen. i think it's hard because, in a lot of metrics, he's ranked really high and being really successful; whatever the wild card path was, it did something "right."

that being said, i then don't see much change in environment coming along, or any change in how his training is happening. if anything is going to change, it's going to be via some mid-game internal discourse sparked by isagi; and i think it would be most satisfying if chigiri was really important there too. but again, i don't think that it's coming soon, maybe not even in this general arc?

tbh, ultimately, i think, long term, kunigami won't make it to the best 23 as he is. that's not to say it's impossible for him to make it to the u20 team, but i think the way that he's going right now isn't going to be good enough to make it. he is genuinely performing really well, but i also can't see anyone building a team around him as a center point in the same way that the manga is constantly talking about building teams around isagi's most notable rivals and top competition (ex. kaiser, rin, and even nagi).

kunigami is great as his own little point of gravity, but no one is orbiting around him. which is actually really, really sad to me, because i think he truly could have been one of the best there if the circumstances had been even just slightly different. blue lock is truly so so tragic because there is so much skill in that prison and so much of it is being wasted and for what.

and kunigami honestly, from the very beginning, was always going to be hurt more than helped by blue lock. he was set up as a character who runs by fair play, someone who will win and will fight but will also still play by the rules. at the end of the day, yes, he gets results: he scored a goal in the first selection. but he also split his meal with isagi. he still rewarded the assist. that's not the goal of blue lock.

isagi kinda acknowledges something similar when he wins against him in the second selection, too. kunigami is strong and a great player, but he's not going to "devour" the others on the field in the same way so many others are going to do and going to try to do.

something about either the circumstances (blue lock) or kunigami himself was going to have to change in order for him to come out of this on top, and blue lock's rules aren't going to be changing any time soon.

idk. his story just feels so sad to me already and we don't even know how it ends yet.

on a brighter note.....yeah. started reading blue lock >> finished the u20 arc >> am now homophobic. thanks shidou. this was your fault. "a shot is the seed and the net is the egg" i'm literally gonna scream out loud. you've lost an ally in me

#ask #blue lock #rensuke kunigami #thank you for askingggggg #i am so sorry i rambled for sooooo long. but this was SO much fun to think about and write out!!! #i very much appreciate the opportunity to ramble about this show #i apologize if i got any facts wrong this is my first read through and it's not all engraved in my mind yet :P #one day it will be don't worry

[marshmallowgoop]

(Previous DCMK-game anon) That was exactly what I was looking for! Thank you so much, you are was so helpful and so kind to take time out of your day to respond! Hope you've been well :) ❤️

[Game ask]

Aww, Anon 🥺 I'm glad I was able to help! I love talking "niche" DetCo content—there's a lot of fun stuff out there that I like bringing more attention to!—so I love asks wondering about that kind of thing. Gives me an excuse to ramble!

Thank you for such a sweet ask!

#replies #anonymous #please excuse the ramblings that are gonna follow but #i've often answered asks that don't even get a 'like' from the person who asked in the first place #so this message just really made me 🥺 #and for the record it's totally fine to not 'like' my responses! i answer asks because i want to--not for 'recognition' or anything #but it's really nice to be appreciated thank you 🙏 #i'm sorry i don't always answer asks the most quickly and sometimes struggle to answer at all but i read and appreciate every one! #hoping to be more present now--my laptop (that i got at the end of *last year*!) broke down #it took about a month for the warranty replacement to arrive and the older laptop i had in the meantime shuts off constantly #on top of all the traveling i was doing and some other irl stuff i've been working through #it's been difficult for me to be very present on social media #but new laptop is here! and i'm done traveling for a while #so i hope to be here more #y'all have been making so much good stuff while i was going through it! feel like i've missed so much! #ahh ramblings aside thank you again for the asks! 🙏

[delightfuldevin]

Long post!! Wanted to share all the deets about my Cookie Run self insert!!

Introducing Pumpking Cookie and their Pet, Gourdie!!

Cookie Run: Ovenbreak

Cookie Class: Epic

Pet Class: Epic

Story: Pumpking Cookie is the elusive king of Pumpkin Land of Fear! You probably won't see him on your first visit to Pumpkin Land, or your second either. Only seasoned visitors of the park know how to spot him while he's hiding. And if you find him, you'll get a treat! Or maybe it'll be a trick... You better be careful! He also puts on his own special show with his pumpkins at midnight in the main tent, so be sure not to miss out!

Skill: When the big gauge is filled, a giant pumpkin appears and the jump and slide buttons turn into carving buttons. Repeatedly tap the buttons to carve the pumpkin and earn Pumpkin Carving Points. Once the small gauge is filled, the pumpkin will come to life and Pumpking Cookie will ride it as it destroys obstacles until the small gauge runs out. Level up for more Pumpkin Carving Points.

Magic Candy Ingredient - Little Pumpkin Seed: This pumpkin seed is the smallest of them all. Can something so small really grow into something special? Only time will tell...

Magic Candy Effect: While riding the giant pumpkin, each destroyed obstacle creates a Roasted Pumpkin Seed Jelly. The stronger the enchanted power, the more points earned from Roasted Pumpkin Seed Jellies.

Pet Story: Pumpking Cookie can bring pumpkins to life by carving faces into them. No one knows exactly how he does it... Gourdie was the first one he brought to life and the living pumpkin became his faithful assistant who helps him with his show.

Pet Skill: At given intervals, the Pet flies ahead and the light inside begins to glow, generating Jack o’ Lantern Points and restoring Energy. Level up for more Jack o’ Lantern Points and more Energy restoration.

Combi Bonus: Extra Jack o’ Lantern Points

1000 Affection Points Bonus: Extra Pumpkin Carving Points

Basic Jelly: A true king earns their title from their subjects.

Daily Gift: “It’s a treat, I promise! Hehe!”

Like: Solid Red Sugar Crystal

Dislike: Breakout Certificate

General:

“Come one, come all!”

“Welcome to Pumpkin Land!”

“Wonder when I can see him again…”

“The rides at Pumpkin Land aren’t for the faint of heart!”

“Don’t forget to check out the Haunted House!”

“Things will get even more fun at night!”

Tired: “Okay, timeout…!”

Tap:

“Heya!”

“Bringing pumpkins to life is a secret I won’t tell!”

“Come and find me! I might have somethin’ good for ya!”

“Is it a trick or a treat? Only one way to find out!”

“Hehehe!”

“Y-you found me? Already?”

“I love watching fire dance!” (Like Hint)

“I don’t need a certificate to run Pumpkin Land.” (Dislike Hint)

Gifts:

“Ooo, for me?” (neutral)

“Flames are so beautiful…” (given Solid Red Sugar Crystal)

“I hope this can become a biiiig pumpkin some day!” (given Little Pumpkin Seed)

“Why would I want one of these?” (given Breakout Certificate)

“How did you find out…?!” (given Violet Sugar Crystal) [note: will not receive any Affection Points for this]

Relationships:

Lemon Cookie (friendly): “I’ll make you smile if it’s the last thing I do!” On Lemon’s chart (trust): “An odd one, but I guess he’s okay.”

Cherry Cookie (friendly): “It’s never boring with you around!” On Cherry’s chart (friendly): “Pumpkins! Pumpkins! Pumpkins! Tee-hee!”

Popcorn Cookie (friendly): “Hey, when’s our next movie night?” On Popcorn’s chart (friendly): “My favorite movie buddy!”

Birthday Cake Cookie (friendly): “Pumpkin Land’s a great place for parties!” On Birthday Cake’s chart (friendly): “Let’s throw a spooky Halloween party together!”

Cinnamon Cookie (trust): “Always puts on a good show!” On Cinnamon’s chart (trust): “Pumpkin Land is my favorite place to perform!”

Currant Cream Cookie (friendly): “Studs and spikes can be spooky too!” On Currant’s chart (friendly): “I wouldn’t call my style ‘spooky’, but I like the way you think!”

Raspberry Mousse Cookie (admiration): “Show ‘em who’s boss!” On Mousse’s chart (admiration): “Their opinion of us doesn’t matter!”

Pitaya Dragon Cookie (admiration): “I like it hot!” On Pitaya’s chart (admiration): “Brighter than sssunshine…”

Shining Glitter Cookie (admiration): “Everything about her captivates me…” On Shining Glitter’s chart (admiration): “There’s always room in my schedule for you!”

Moonlight Cookie (admiration): “I’ll see you in my dreams!” On Moonlight’s chart (admiration): “Your smile is the warmest.”

Knight Cookie (tension): “You don’t stand a chance!” On Knight’s chart (tension): “What do you know about the Red Dragon?!”

Ice Juggler Cookie (rival): “Betcha Pumpkin Land’s got more visitors!” On Ice Juggler’s chart (rival): “Pumpkin Land is alright. (Pudding Cup Circus is better.)”

Cookie Run: Kingdom

Class: Legendary

Type: Support

Location: Middle

Story: What a strange one, that Pumpking Cookie is! Just where exactly did they come from? And what is that ominous purple glow that emanates from them? So many questions and so little answers. However, it is known that he created and rules over a Kingdom of his own called the Pumpking Patch. But… the citizens are all living pumpkins! There’s not a single Cookie in sight! This begs yet another question… Is Pumpking Cookie themself even a Cookie…?

Skill - Trick or Treat: Summons a pumpkin bomb which has a 50-50 chance of being a trick or a treat. The treat bomb explodes on the ally side, healing everyone’s HP and raising everyone’s ATK for a period of time. The trick bomb explodes on the enemy side, releasing pumpkin guts on the ground that trap all enemies, making them unable to move or attack for a period of time. It also lowers their DEF while they are trapped. It will not trap Cookies who are resistant to interrupting effects during their skill, but it will lower their DEF more. While using his skill, Pumpking Cookie will be resistant to interruptions.

Skill Activation: “Wonder what this’ll be!”

Kingdom Arena:

“Well well well, look what we have here!”

“Hope ya like pumpkins! Hahaha!”

“You wanna play with the Pumpkin King? Let’s see what you’ve got!”

“Let’s have some fun!!”

Loading Screen: If you look closely at Pumpking Cookie, you’ll find cracks in their dough all over their body.

Gacha Line: “It’s always Halloween when I’m around!”

General:

“You should come visit the Pumpking Patch!”

“I wasn’t always a King…”

“What’s this purple light? Well, the truth may shock you… hehe!”

“This Kingdom is nice. I guess I’ll stay awhile.”

“Is this a trick or a treat? Why don’t you come find out?”

“You’re invited to the Grand Halloween Party in the Pumpking Patch!”

“Ha! My subjects would love this place!”

“My Kingdom means the world to me. No one will ever take it from me!”

“Anyone who dares threaten the Pumpking Patch will have to deal with its King!”

Victory:

“Aw, no hard feelings, right? Hehe!”

“Everyone hail to the Pumpkin King!”

“Whew, that was a close one!”

“I did it? I mean, of course I did! Heh heh.”

Defeat:

“Don’t think I’m out just yet!”

“I… I will protect the Pumpking Patch…!”

“I won’t give in! I can’t!”

“This isn’t over…!”

#cookie run #cookie run oc #sonas tag #pumpkin puree #ive wanted to talk about me in cookie form for soooo long so here i am! #i tried to include all the main important stuff #ill probably add some extra stuff in a separate post but this should be enough for now #yes i had to include all my faves in my relationship chart jhdcjdhhj #except all the ones i consider family #…its a lot #okay ill stop rambling in the tags now #thank you so so much if you read through the whole thing it means so very much to me 💕💕💕 #art tag

[feluka]

remind me to never ever write down anything in arabic ever again

#my dad approached me and started talking to me about suicidal thoughts and that i should talk to him if i ever get these urges #and i was like. omg??? he's actually being sensitive and compassionate for once???? and picking up on my mental state???? #but nope! turns out he grabbed my journal while i was outside and READ THROUGH THE ENTIRETY OF IT #i dont keep a diary per se because i used to keep one and the same exact thing happened. my brother stole it and read it all. #but i keep several study journals and i end up rambling in them about my feelings anyway in them because i just love writing #y'all saw the acronym soup i wrote earlier lmao. it's a mess in there. #but there's also very personal and emotional stuff in there and he violated my privacy so much. #also he said 'you draw many girls? and what's this song about a mouse?' and i was like OH NO WHAT DID YOU SEE. #thank god i didnt like. come out or anything like that in the journal. #but there was an entire page full of mousegirl drawings and a love song about mousegirls and mousegirl puns. all in arabic 🙃 #i'm so embarassed. this would all be solved if i could lock my room! but nope my parents took away my keys and i haven't made any copies! #fml!! fml fr!!!!!!

[crescentmp3]

LOOK!! ^^

[ image desc: a taken picture of a physical copy of the book Herkes İçin Yapısal Yolla İtalyanca (Structured Italian for Everyone) by Asım Tanış. // end id ]

#it belongs to my classmates father! she let me borrow it for today! #i got to look into it a little at school and got to page 51 out of excitement - its really well phrased and teaches well! #i already knew most of the concepts covered so far but i /did/ gain some new vocabulary knowledge‚ which is great #it's fascinating! i wonder how far i'll get into it in just one day. probably pretty far #im quite surprised myself as to how much this is exciting me‚ but i can't help it... the similarities are very fascinating #i've also found that it clicks much better into my mind when im learning italian through turkish! unlike duolingo‚ which teaches it in - #- english. #of course‚ sentence structure difference between turkish and italian does make it a tiny bit challenging when forming an italian sentence #(as i confuse the word order‚ especially when going beyond a simple subject-verb-object sentence) #but otherwise it's fascinating how i understand much better through turkish! #im very excited to read through it as far as i can. #i'll have to give it back tomorrow - tragedy‚ really. #i'll find a pdf of it though‚ its fine #🌙rambling #side note // her father's notes all the way back from 2002 are still in this and it's so endearing. #hi sir i don't know you. your handwriting is really small. thank you #by god i will take care of this book like my life depends on it to make sure nothing happens to it. this book contains so much #it has 551 pages worth of material by the way

[soup-or-who-lock]

am like 1hr into the Fantasy High Sophomore Year finale and simultaneously sooo excited and sooo don't want sophomore year to end. Also just. watched probably 10-12 hours of the show between yesterday and today. So in desperate need of a break.

#diary #i was literally watching Fantasy High the entire time that i was building the Lego Home Alone set #it took pretty much all of yesterday and today. a very good time was had #my brain is just on fire now that's all #very excited to finally be caught up on fantasy high tho! i have literally never been caught up before so it'll be nice #to be unafraid of spoilers for 5 days. just gotta make it through 3 more hours of this last episode #this post is for no ones eyes but my own like feel free to read it anybody but know. i am rambling into the abyss rn. thank you <3