#IT'S BEEN 20 YEARS 20 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS BUT WE'RE FINALLY ON OUR WAY FUCK YES
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why is it so much worse knowing how many people out there want me (& everyone in this body) dead cause we don't feel empathy than knowing about the ones who want the same cause we're trans
#i mean i guess it's cause we live in a bubble where most people we know are trans#n the whole 'empathy makes us human' thing is a rly popular opinion in the more progressive circles#i guess it's. just another item in the long list of traits that might make us subhuman to others#we don't even have it as bad as people w/ like aspd n stuff. it's a lot easier to hide for us#usually will come off as social awkwardness instead#but every time there's a video going around the mainstream sm where someone w/ low/no empathy talks about how their mind works#the majority of the comments are just so. dehumanizing. like we're some rabid animals that need to be put down for public safety#n i guess causw it's so inherently linked to whatever it is about our wiring that makes us so. different from almost everyone else.#why we can't seem to connect w/ people n why we feel so fucking isolated all the time#like we just came out wrong n there's no fixing it#& the way we've lately come to understand more how much dmg our mother prevented w/ her parenting#but also how much of it that stuck coulda been prevented if she'd had the tools & safe environment#i don't even mean like. the trauma shit. but the things that needed to be noticed n steered into a different direction when we were small#instead of us wreaking havoc up to our late teens when we finally connected some dots that most people have connected from birth#though i think most of the usual ways of correcting it are more or less abusive. there's ones that aren't but idk how accessible that info#woulda been 20+ years ago#anyway it just really sucks how our fb feed tries to give us some light informative vids on people w/ similar experiences in some areas#n the comments are 80% ppl throwing around diagnoses they don't understand#n holding us responsible for everything their shitty abusive ex/parent/boss did#n literally sayin shit like 'people like this are better off dead'#not very good for my mental health#even though i don't give much more value to those people than they put on ones like me#spdrvent
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i've been thinking about the whole "friction in his jeans" thing a lot lately, and while it is certainly one of the more iconic instances of the lyric in the CD booklet being different from the actual song, it is far from the only one. on top of that, there are quite a few lyrics that play with double meanings that only become clear when they're written out.
so, i present a collection of every lyric in the fob CD booklets that differ from the final version, punctuation and double meanings that aren't noticeable unless the song is written out, and any other interesting details i find in the process, or a really long post of me cornplating about fob:
disclaimer that if the difference is small enough/doesn't change the meaning of the line i won't include it because that would take me years (for example, the book says "light that smoke for giving up on me" and patrick says "yeah, one for giving up on me" but literally who cares that changes nothing. everything i include here is relevant, i think)
follow-up disclaimer that there are a bunch of fucking typos in every single one of these books because these boys never proofread anything but unless i think it's significant in some way i probably will skip it
TAKE THIS TO YOUR GRAVE:
tell that mick:
"I hope you choke on those words, that kiss, that bottle - I confess / now ash yourself out on the insides, when I said I loved you I swear I lied"
grand theft autumn:
"someday i'll appreciate in value, get off my ass and call you... but for the meantime i'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with my clothes on at 4:00 in the afternoon"
saturday:
"pete and i said goodbye to astoria with promise and precision and mess of youthful innocence"
(most of these are just silly but this one fucking hurts)
sending postcards:
"fake it like you matter - cause that's the biggest secret you have to keep"
chicago is so two years ago:
"that means that I believed every single lie you said (and learned from the best)"
"cause every pain of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pains i went through to avoid you / and every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention i still hate you" (pain of glass instead of pane of glass - i think this is supposed to be a parallel. that or pete just misspelled pane)
patron saint:
"I'm holding out and I'm holding on to every letter and every grudge"
*flashes forward 20 years to hmlag*
anyway
FROM UNDER THE CORK TREE:
our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued:
"we're good friends only when you're on your knees"
sugar:
the icon, the legend
"don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet wishing to be the friction in his jeans" 🎉🏳️🌈
dark alley:
"joke me something awful just like kisses on the necks of 'just friends'"
"I'm hopelessly hopeful that you're just hopeless enough"
champagne for my real friends, real pain for my shrimp friends:
"you steer away in a rearview mirror, make my head swim"
i slept with someone in fob:
"someone old, no one new / always borrowed, always you"
THIS ONE!! THIS FUCKING ONE [CAR CRASH] [SIRENS]
ahem. anyway
sixteen candles:
"i confess, i'm just messed up / dropping 'i'm sorrys' like you're still around"
XO:
"to hands"
(that's it. no "between legs, and whatever it takes" just hands. just fuckin. to hands)
"to hotel stares/stairs" (wordplay!! to clarify it literally says "stares/stairs" in the book)
"choose awe or sympathy"
also in the last verse it says 'to the "love"' with the quotes which is just kinda funny
INFINITY ON HIGH:
this ain't a scene:
"crashing not like hips or hearts"
i'm like a lawyer:
"i only keep myself this sick in the head cause i know how the words get you (off)"
"collect the bad habits that you couldn't bare to keep" (idk this one might just be a typo)
hum hallelujah:
similarly, this might also be a typo, but "versus" is spelled "verses"
(after) life:
ok. ok. hear me out. this is the cornplatiest i have ever been. but on genius it says "death's in a double bed"
and on the lyric book it says "deaths in a double bed"
that changes everything!!! (not really, i know) it's not death as a concept or figure or whatever it's deaths. as in multiple people dying. aaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaughhhhhhhhhhh
moving on
carpal tunnel:
"we take the sip from life's lush lips"
the line "we might've started singing just a little soon" isn't listed, it's just the goodbye line twice
"but i'm just tired yawns for fawns"
you're crashing:
"the cause, the kid, the charm, and the curse"
ginasfs:
"lips pressed this close to mine"
"but the prince of this failing empire knows" (hhhnnnggggggghhh)
"i've already given up on myself once but the third time is the charm" that's not how numbers work pete <3
"just kind of figured on not figuring myself out"
FOLIE A DEUX:
folie a deux doesn't have a lyric book. just portraits of the boys with empty white pages that have their names written on them. my poor beautiful masterpiece
BELIEVERS NEVER DIE VOL. 1:
fnowae:
not a lyric but for some reason the whole fuckin song is in quotes
SAVE ROCK AND ROLL:
the phoenix:
another punctuation thing but instead of "hope to die" it's "hope-to-dies"
"you're wearing our vintage misery"
alone together:
"my heart is like a stallion, they love it more when it's broke in" instead of "broken" (i love double meanings!! i love wordplay!! i love pete wentz!!)
where did the party go:
"i will appear to you if you make yourself shake fast enough"
the mighty fall:
the lyric book straight up doesn't have big sean's part 💔
rat a tat:
at the end there's this "talk less / mean more / let's be electric / like we were before" that i have literally never heard so i'm assuming it's a neat little cut lyric
save rock and roll:
"i will save the songs / the songs we're singing"
AMERICAN BEAUTY / AMERICAN PSYCHO:
irresistible:
"coming in announced" this one. this one's just a typo. come on boys it's been 12 years at this point read the books more than once
"i just dragged my nails on the tile / i just follow your scent" ?? idk
"this will not be a battle"
ab/ap:
for some fucking reason it just says "she's an american beauty" three times at the start of the song 😭
"and as we're drifting off to sleep" isn't in there, it just says "and all those dirty thoughts of me, they were never yours to keep"
the kids aren't alright:
indulge me once more, reader. i am cornplating again
instead of "former heroes who quit too late and just wanna fill up their trophy case again" it's "wanted to" do you understand why that makes me insane
also they have it as "will put your curse in reverse" instead of "we" which could be a typo but could also be a neat little change
uma thurman:
"you cut me deep like uma thurman"
jet pack blues:
"i'm the kind that can turn june to september / the last one that you'll ever remember"
"between these two white highway signs"
immortals:
"i try to picture you without me but i can't"
M A N I A:
hold me tight or don't:
the line "i'm pretty sure that this isn't how our story ends" isn't included
wilson:
"i know it's just a number but to me you're the 8th wonder"
sunshine riptide:
they didn't include any of burna boy's lines 😒
SO MUCH (FOR) STARDUST:
smfs doesn't have any lyric changes that i noticed, just the usual typos.
update: future emma here, upon further contemplation I have decided to add the line "I'd never go, I just want to be invited" since the first verse definitely says "I'll" (thank you sugarweregoinin and foliejpg for inspiring this revelation)
and there we have it! if you're insane patient enough to have made it until the end, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! if there are any i missed/any in CDs that i don't have please let me know i find these so fascinating (if you couldn't tell). i just love getting glimpses into their writing process and seeing how the songs we know and love evolve before they get to us. i might also do a post about how spotify/genius gets a bunch of their lyrics wrong because it pisses me off but this is all for now, good day/night!
#fall out boy#fob#i can't believe i spent four hours on this#take this to your grave#from under the cork tree#infinity on high#folie a deux#save rock and roll#american beauty/american psycho#mania#so much (for) stardust#patrick stump#pete wentz#joe trohman#andy hurley
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Katherine
Back then. "You make me sick" said Katherine. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
I squirmed and looked down at the table. I pushed my used napkin back and forth. I wanted to die. "I can't help it."
"It's hard enough that everyone wants me to *lose* weight! And now... this? Do you have any idea what that's like?!" she shouted. Her mascara was starting to run. She folded her arms as if she wanted to shrink into the booth.
"But you're beautiful, and I am telling you that I think so!"
"No! You can't find *this* attractive!" she said, gesturing over her body with her hands for emphasis. "I just... can't!"
But even as I sat there watching her slip away from me, puffy eyes, mascara running, tears soaking her shirt, I considered her the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Such a beautiful face, such lovely skin, such luscious hair, such pretty eyes. She was perfect in so many ways. And yet she couldn't overlook the one flaw that everyone attributed to her, that I had told her wasn't even a flaw to me, that genuinely made her even more attractive and worthy to me. And I was going to lose her for it. Why did I ever have to bring it up?
"You're wrong" I said. "You're perfect to me."
She looked back at me and her face contorted in anger. "I don't want to be perfect to you!" she shouted. "I just want to be perfect... period!"
I said nothing. We just glared at each other.
"I'm going to lose the weight" she said finally.
"Fine" I said. "You'll still be beautiful." I honestly believed that she would be.
"Yeah right!" she said. "So go find yourself an actual fat chick!"
"I guess I will" I said. "Because you have some real fucking issues."
"I have issues?! You're the one who LIKES FUCKING FAT CHICKS!" she shouted. The whole restaurant went quiet. Everyone was looking at us, the teenage couple having a fight.
"I'm going now" I said, summoning up my dignity. I got up, took a 20 dollar bill from my wallet, and put it down on the table. "To find myself an actual fat chick, without all the issues" I said cruelly. "Goodbye."
I started walking away. "No" she said. "Wait Bry! Bryan, wait!" she cried after me. But I was out the door. I kept my back turned so she wouldn't see that I was crying too.
---
Present day. I am successful and married with two children with my wife Alyssa.
Alyssa is my best friend. We met at a sales seminar back in our mid-twenties. She was a chubby blonde with a sweet smile and a sunny disposition. We hit it off instantly and have got along famously since. We have pretty much all the same interests. We have a loving, trusting relationship.
A few years ago, Alyssa discovered running. It's gone great for her, and she's slimmed down considerably since. I love her and support her and am happy that she feels better about herself and is healthier. I hope she lives long and we raise our kids and grandkids and die in the old folks' home together.
But our sex life has suffered. We've gone from having sex three or more times a week to once every week or two. We're busy parents so it's difficult already. Things just aren't what they used to be for us.
There is an urge growing inside me to stray. It's everywhere I go, in crowds of people, my eye is drawn to attractive women and their bodies. Searching for opportunities that I can't act on. Fantasizing about what it would be like.
Alyssa and I talked about it, years ago, about having an open relationship. On one hand, she said of course we shouldn't expect to have sex with the same person for the rest of our lives. On the other hand, she was crying. We never talked about it since. It's too painful to think of.
I'm on a trip back to my hometown for work. I haven't been back since high school. I ring up some of my old buddies and we get together for beers. We get right hammered and the conversation turns from our careers and our families to our past conquests.
"Hey" says Mark. "What was the name of that chick you were dating in Grade 11?"
"Which one?" I reply. "There were a couple."
"The chubby one. With the pretty eyes" said Mark, drunkenly. "The one who broke up with you."
My heart sinks. It's painful for me to remember. "Kat" I reply.
"Yeah, her" says Mark. "Pretty face. Too bad she was so chubby."
"Broke my heart" I say.
"You should call her up" says Mark.
"No way!" I say.
"Yeah way!" he says. "Wait, I can find her on Facebook."
Facebook. Shit, I thought. It's impossible to just forget someone and leave them behind anymore in this day and age.
Mark plays around with his phone. "Aha!" he said. "Found her! See, pretty face."
He shows me the phone screen. My heart drops on seeing Kat again. The photo is old, she is young and beautiful and as I remember her.
"She doesn't want to hear from me" I say.
"Don't be a pussy" says Mark. "Here, I'm going to message her for you."
"No!" I say, and I reach for the phone but Mark turns away and taps at his screen. I hesitate. A part of me wants to go with the flow.
"There!" he says. He shows me the message he sent with the friend request.
"Oh God, Mark. I'm married, don't you know?"
"Yeah, to a woman 1000 miles away" he responds.
Mark taps away at his phone some more. We order another round of beers. The bar is starting to empty out.
"Oh shit!" says Mark. "She replied!"
"Why do you gotta do this" I ask him, taking his phone. The reply is short and includes her new phone number. I pull out my phone and start texting her.
"Kat?"
"Its been a while"
My judgement is impaired and my inhibitions are gone. Over text, we pick up on the page we left off on.
---
One hour later, I take an Uber to Kats apartment. My nervousness is palpable. Every minute I am in the car feels unbearable. Every step up to her apartment feels like an undertaking.
I reach the door. I take a few minutes to gather up my courage, and then I knock. I hear her footsteps, then the latch of the door. Over a decade later and she could have become anything, and I am about to find out in moments. The door opens.
Kat is just as beautiful. And she's become massive.
"Kat..." I stutter, still drunk.
"Hello, Bry" she replies. I gawk at her for a moment. "Surprise!" she says, sardonically, "I got fat!"
"You're just as beautiful as I remember" I say. "More beautiful."
"Shut up and come inside" she says. "You're drunk."
I step inside. Her apartment is small but clean, with no sign of any cats. She leads me to the living room and sits me down with a tender touch on the shoulder. "Sit down" she says, "I'll make you some coffee."
She leaves to the kitchen and I watch her go. I am floored by the sheer size of her. She catches me watching over her should and my face flushes. I sit there and try to compose myself for the next few minutes. When she comes back with the coffee, I smile at her, but she doesn't return it. She pours the coffee without looking at me and sits down next to me. As she sits down, the couch creaks and the floor groans and the fat of her hip expands towards me, leaving very little space between us. She crosses her arms and seems to want to shrink into the couch.
"Thanks for the coffee" I say.
"Why are you here?" she asks.
"I'm meeting a client in town" I respond.
"I don't even know what you do" she says. "No, I mean, why are you *here*?" Meaning in her apartment with her.
"I wanted to reconnect" I say.
"Reconnect?" she says.
"Yeah" I reply. "Why did you invite me here?"
"I don't know" she says, twirling her hair. It's a gesture of vulnerability that I wouldn't have recognized from her when we were younger. She was so confident back then, so insecure at the same time. Putting up a façade all the time. She has changed over the years.
She looks at my ring. "I see you're married."
"I see you're not married" I replied.
"Well, shouldn't surprise anyone." she says. Meaning her body. There is an awkward silence and we say no more on the subject of marriages.
"Why did you break up with me?" I ask.
"Break up with you? Why did you break up with me?" she replies.
"You told me I disgusted you" I reply.
"Well I wonder why?" she says. "You told me I would be more attractive if I gained weight."
"No" I say. "Not exactly."
"Yes!" she says. "I said I was worried about gaining weight, and you said, 'Don't worry' because I will only be even more attractive."
"Okay" I say, "What's wrong with that?"
"I had body image issues!" she says. "It messed me up."
"I didn't know that" I say.
"Yeah!" she says. "It took me a while. But I'm over it."
I sip my coffee for a while. She waddles over the to kitchen and returned with a baking dish full of brownie. She picks out a square and started eating it, spilling crumbs down her shirt and between her breasts.
"I eat when I'm upset" she says.
"So do I" I say, stupidly. She gives a mirthful laugh at this.
"Can I ask you a question?" I ask.
"Sure" she says.
"Did you love me?" I reply.
"Love you?" she replies. "Love you?" as if it is a joke. "Look at me, Bry. I am disgusting. I absolutely ruined myself because of you."
"Wait, are you actually laying that on me?" I reply.
"Bry" she says. "Look at me. Look at me. No seriously, look at me." I look down at her enormous curves, she is exploding with soft fat. "You told me you like fat chicks. You told me you find this attractive."
"I do" I said.
"Then what don't you get?" she huffs, exasperated.
"What do you mean?"
"Yes, Bry. I loved you. I fucking loved you! Don't you get that?!" Kat burst into tears. She grabs for a box of Kleenex on the table but it is empty. At this, she cries harder.
I reach out and stroke her arm to comfort her. She doesn't react. "Do you want me to get you some Kleenex?" I ask.
"No, Bry. You know what you can do for me?"
"What's that?"
She picks up and offers me the dish of brownies and I take it, confused. There are still several left. Then she grabs my thigh and leans in close to me and says "I want you to shove those brownies in my fucking face."
I nearly pull away but I hesitate for just a moment. It's enough. She works her hand over and grabs my cock, already hard, and starts massaging it through my pants. I take a brownie and stuff it into her open mouth and she chews away, sobbing. I reach over and grab a roll and start feeling around her body. Everywhere I go there are soft crevices to explore.
I feed her the rest of the brownies as I rub her tummy and tell her what a disgusting fat pig she has become. She is crying at the same time and tells me how much she hates me. When she is done, I make her get down on her hands and knees and lick the dish clean. I get behind her and pull down her pants and start to finger fuck her. She moans loudly.
She turns over onto her back and pulls me down on the floor with her. We kiss passionately and she takes my hand and places it somewhere in the softness of her underbelly and jiggles it. "Jiggle me, Bry" she says. "Jiggle my fat fucking belly."
"You fucking whale" I say. "You're fucking huge."
"Am I bigger than your wife?" she asks.
"You're way fucking fatter than her. You're like, three times her size."
"Am I the biggest woman you've ever been with?" she asks.
"You will be" I say. "By far."
"You did this to me" she says. "You made me ruin myself. Do you like it?"
"Yeah" I said. "I want you to be my disgusting fuckpig."
"Good" she says, "You break it, you bought it", and reaches down for my cock.
We fumble around for a bit and try with different positions to get me in. In the end, she has to lift up her belly and I have to mount her at an angle and she pulls me in.
Her fat pussy is tight and I struggle not to come instantly. I grab at her belly, her breasts, her pillows of upper arm fat, the softness of her chin, whatever I can. She jiggles like a waterbed.
I manage to restrain myself, and she comes first. "Oh, Bry!" she says. "Oh, Bry! Fuck me! FUCK ME!" She squirts all over my dick. "Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck HOLY FUCK!" she screams.
"Holy fuck" I say.
"Did I squirt?" she asks.
"Yes" I say.
"Holy fuck" she says. "Did you come?"
"No" I reply.
"Okay" she says. "Here." She pushes me and I pull out and roll off of her and onto the floor. She struggles and rolls over onto her hands and knees, then turns herself around and straddles me and backs her enormous ass up until my face is engulfed. I struggle to ask "What...?" but I am muffled between the fat of her thighs. I lick and taste the sweetness of her cum.
She lowers herself down and I can feel her two huge globes of breast fat spread out over my lap on either side of my dick. Her belly engulfs my torso, spreading out over my sides. She takes me up in her mouth and goes to work.
I come quickly, within only a minute or two, and she moans and sucks greedily and swallows. "Mmmmm" she says, "your cum tastes good." She collapses forward onto me, freeing my face from between the fat of her legs. She is breathing heavily. I can breath again, but it is laborious beneath her weight. We lay there for a while.
"Kat?" I ask.
"Yeah?"
"How much do you weigh?"
"Bry" she says back. "I don't want to talk dirty anymore now."
"OK" I reply.
"Bry?" she asks. "Can we cuddle?"
I help her to her feet and she leads me over to her bedroom and she flops down on her back on the sheets and I plop down on top of her. We lay there like that, holding each other without saying anything. There is music playing quietly from a CD player on her dresser. We stay there and listen for a while until the songs start repeating. I am calm and breathing slowly but somehow too excited to fall asleep.
"Bry?" she asks, after a long time. "Do you still love me?"
I don't respond for a while. I think about Alyssa and the connection we share. I think about my kids with no small amount of guilt. I reflect back on my relationship with Kat in high school and the difference I have been searching for in every relationship since. I am sober enough now to know the answer confidently. "Yes."
"I still love you too" she says.
We kiss and make out and she climbs on top of me and inserts me and wraps her arms around me and we make love like that, her on top smothering me with her softness, pulling me deeper inside her amidst her thigh and pubic fat with each thrust of her hips. I explore and caress and jiggle and worship all of her soft parts, which is to say every part of her body.
"Oh, Kat" I say. "You're a goddess. A fucking sex goddess."
"I'm your sex goddess" she says. "These curves are for you."
"You're beautiful" I say. "Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful."
She just moans in response. She gets off me and I sidle up next to her and spoon her and she parts her legs and pulls me in, with some considerable difficulty due to her enormous ass between us pushing me away from her. We barely achieve penetration, but it is worth it. We climax together. "Oh fuck oh fuck OH FUCK!" she screams, and I feel her hot cum well up in my crotch.
It takes us both a while to catch our breath. There is another long moment of holding each other. But this time, it feels different.
Kat turns around and faces me and her face is full of sadness and dread. "Bry" she says. "I don't want you to leave me again."
"I don't want to leave" I say. "But I have to."
"Bry, don't go. Please." she says. "I'll do anything."
"I have to" I reply.
"No you don't" she says. "Leave your other life behind. You can stay right here with me and love me and feed me until I'm the size of the fridge."
"Kat" I reply, "you don't know what you're saying."
"The size of the fridge, Bry" she says. "We can have sex like this every day, only it will just keep getting better."
"Kat, stop."
"100 more pounds. 200 more. 300 more. Whatever you want."
"Kat, please stop."
"Don't you get it, Bry? It's because of you! There is nothing I want more than to keep wrecking myself, just for your pleasure. It's all I have."
"Kat, you'll eat yourself into the grave."
"Oh fuck yeah" she says, and she reaches down around her belly and starts touching herself. "Oh fuck yeah, say it again."
"You'll eat yourself into the grave." I repeat. "Is this what you want?"
She is fingering herself intensely and grabs me tightly by the bicep. "Fuck yeah" she says, "I want to eat until I fucking explode."
"You won't explode," I say, "you'll have a heart attack."
"Fuck. Yes" she says, jiggling and quaking with exertion. She is struggling to keep fingering herself so violently and so I reach down and help her.
"Is this what you want?" I ask as I work with my fingers to get her off. "To be a fat fucking blob? To die young?"
"Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. YES!" she screams. She contorts and adducts her thighs together and my hand is trapped in soft fat for a moment as she comes. She jerks and quakes as she comes down from the orgasm. "Oh, Bry..."
I am up and putting my clothes on. "I'm leaving" I say.
"Bry, wait" she moans, but I leave her there, a soft quaking orgasmic mound of fat on the bed.
#female feedee#getting fatter#stories#weight gain#fat kink#fantasy#fiction#feedist#ssbbw feedee#death feederism#death feedist
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Abuse is Abuse. Stop blaming the victims and glorifying the abusers!
This needs to be said for such a long time. All across media we see abuse glorified, its victims blamed, and the abusers getting a slap on the wrist more often than not. Especially in recent times. Buckle up because we're in for a ride.
Right off the bat, I have an inkling of what I'm talking about. I suffered from mental and emotional abuse for my entire childhood and teen years. My early 20s were full of strife as I tried to cope with that realized trauma and the fucking shit storm that became our world. So, from an abuse victim and an individual who suffers terrible anxiety and depression, I want to touch on these characters and our perceptions of them.
Pink Diamond
The biggest one I want to address is Pink Diamond. Yes, Pink Diamond/ Rose Quartz. This will always be my personal sore sport because Pink was a victim. She was a child in mindset and actions among the other Diamonds. She was raised by them and thus absorbed all their ways. She was treated more like a jester to entertain the other diamonds and locked away when she wreaked havoc, possibly even bubbled for times. She wasn't treated like the other Diamonds, like what she was supposed to be. She was less than that and powerless to be herself. She had to go through with what they said and didn't have her own autonomy in that degree. She had to fit into a mold that she wasn't meant to fit into.
And honestly, Pink is the strongest of all the victims I'll be touching on. The hardest thing isn't acknowledging the abuse or seeking help, it's breaking free. I haven't even done that part, not fully. But Pink did. She rebelled. She fought against the other Diamonds for what she wanted and believed in. She saw the truth and took a stand. She grew. She changed. She moved on. Despite being a gem, she was the most human of all the cast. And yet we ignore everything because of the decisions she made that impacted everyone around her.
All her followers were corrupted. Pearl was sworn to silence because of a simple order. Steven had to deal with her baggage. And, I'll be fair, it's ass, but not entirely her fault. In life, we can't say what will happen. We often need to roll with the punches and work with what we know at the time. Pink didn't know how the Diamonds would react to her "shattering" because while they claimed to "love" her, what reason would she have to believe it? For Pearl and Steven for that matter, Rose thought the Diamonds were done with Earth. She thought she was free. She never intended Steven to have to deal with her baggage since she thought it was all done and over with. In all of FIVE THOUSAND YEARS, the Diamonds never came for them. She likely thought they were all safe and could live peacefully. They'd never have to look back. She'd never have to look back. Her past wouldn't hold her back. She could finally be free to be herself.
I truly find it appalling that she is damned for this. She broke free. She made mistakes but took a stand. She fought for her own freedom. She didn't have to have her past hold her back anymore, but she's the villain. It's her fault for everything. She should have just been a good little Diamond and stayed fucking put, right? Who cares what she did as Rose Quartz was for the good when Pink Diamond was the incarnate of evil, right? The one thing that I will give a little flack on is Spinel. That was upsetting and she did act rashly telling Spinel to stay when she could have brought Spinel with her, but I understand why she didn't since she wanted to be taken seriously at the time.
Pink deserved so much more than what she got. Pink was a victim, but in the end, they made her out to be the monster.
Miraculous
I want to cover Miraculous as a whole as there are many different types of abuse that go on within this show that are typically swept under the rug unless it comes to truly "irredeemable" characters. So, let's start this:
The Bourgeois Family: This is such a messy ass family. Chloe is outright blamed for the abuse that she suffers from having shitty ass fucking parents. Audrey we know is no saint. She is literally the girlboss businesswoman that ain't got time for her family. Andre is slightly better, but still instilled negative morals in Chloe and while recognizing it in himself, failed to see what he did to Chloe as his fault. Instead, Chloe is seen as the problem to everything. That she just picked up on those habits and sought to make people miserable as a result. Chloe is a victim, but also an abuser. She projects how she's treated onto others as a coping mechanism and a catharsis. Zoe might be a victim because who knows exactly what Audrey did, but she does seem rather well adjusted, so I don't know. Clarity on Zoe: I don't think she's an abuser, I moreso touched on her being abused having lived with Audrey, but it throws me off as she's very well adjusted, so it makes me think that her father was a good one or, just as likely, Audrey had very little involvement in Zoe's upbringing.
The Fathom Family: This is... interesting. So, we see how Felix saw Colt and that yes, Colt abused Felix. That was addressed, though Amelie does enable Felix a little and was a little blind to the horrible acts that Felix had committed. So, no big thing on the Fathoms, but it's still there, but was acknowledged.
The Agreste Family: Holy fuck, someone call CPS, because this boy needs to get out of there. Gabriel very obviously hits every single key points of an abuser. Nathalie does enable the abuse a little in the start, but at the same time, she kinda needs a job. And the money must be good enough and add to boot she can live there too. I also don't appreciate how there are times where Adrien reacts in a way you'd expect a victim of abuse to react, but gets damned for it. Like in the New York special when he fucks up and Ladybug yells at him, he would give up his Miraculous because he feels like absolute shit and horrible for failing. Or agreeing with his father that he should have never gone there? These are all symptoms of abuse and yet he's damned for those moments. He is a fucking victim like Chloe.
The Tsurugi Family: Can someone say, helicopter parent? Now, this in of itself is a kinda thing? I believe? I know it's something of stereotype that Asian parents can be overbearing and overprotective. Kinda like Ming from Turning Red, which was pulled from the director's own experiences growing up. So, this is a little hard to judge. It is still abuse no matter how you paint it, but again, I don't feel like I'm the best person to talk about it. So, I'm going to leave this one here.
Marinette: I hate to add fuel to the fire, but here we go. Marinette is a stalking. Stalking. Is. Abuse! I don't care how much the show paints it as a joke, it isn't. A lot of us know this, but I want to stress that stalking is a form of abuse. And it's honestly terrifying that Adrien falls in love with his Yandere (she is, fight me) stalker. I get that she was a victim of bullying, but like, we get one episode on this trauma because of Kim (more thanks to Chloe) but how is the result stalking? I get wanting to know everything about a person before really considering them as a partner, but how does that equal stalking? It's just deeply unsettling and I cannot personally justify shipping Adrienette due to this.
Chloe: I have to fair, Chloe, despite being a victim, is also an abuser. Bullying is never right. And in that same episode we see Marinette's trauma, we see the hell that Chloe put Marinette through. I don't fucking care what baggage you carry, that shit ain't right in any sense. I was honestly appalled by how far Chloe went to isolate, alienate, and torture Marinette. Like, holy fuck, how is Marinette not more of a mess? Like Marinette, a victim can become an abuser.
The only one in Miraculous that gets something of a punishment is Chloe, which is upsetting. Marinette gets the boy she's been stalking. Felix and Andre get a half-assed redemption. Audrey and Tomoe don't change. Zoe exists. Gabriel gets his wish and rewrites reality. Nathalie is Nathalie.
Elsa
Say what you want, but Elsa was a victim of abuse. She locked away, told to hide her powers, to constantly: conceal, don't feel, don't let it show. She suffered from terrible anxiety and depression due to her powers and the danger they possessed. I mean, she did almost accidentally kill her sister when they were kids.
Say what you will about material made outside the movie, but I did read the Dangerous Secrets book that goes into Elsa's parents backstory. We do get to see them struggle to keep her powers a secret from the town since tensions were still high and the people didn't trust magic. And having the heir to the throne born with magic is very dangerous. It touches on their struggle to raise Elsa, keep her secret, and how it nearly tore the family apart. They searched for years for answers to help their daughter while Agnarr raised her how he was.
This I can find a little excusable. There is no manual to raise children. We kinda have to pull from our own experiences of what to do and not do. Agnarr lost his father at a young age and was king at a young age. He carried his father's mantra of "conceal, don't feel, don't let it show" with him and it genuinely helped him where it damned Elsa.
To that degree, I can forgive Agnarr and Iduna seeing their side of things. They genuinely tried, had no fucking clue what they were doing, and were put between a rock and a hard place. However, the means don't justify the ends and Elsa was damned for the type of abuse she suffered.
So, it really is no wonder why Elsa's first instinct is to run. It's to hide away. To isolate herself as she always had been. She's safer, and everyone else for that matter, if she's kept far away from them. It's why Let it Go is such a cathartic song. She is free (though still chained). She doesn't have to worry about them (not knowing what she did.) She is queen of her own kingdom (even if she abandoned her old one). She was free, but to a point. Her arc doesn't come to some completion until the second movie with Show Yourself. The line "You're the one you've been waiting for," is absolutely true and heartbreaking. That was the moment that Elsa was finally free.
Cinderella
Last one and one of the biggest ones. This irks me a lot. Especially the Disney one. Cinderella was abused for years, humiliated, and isolated. Forced to be a maid in her own household. And yet she's to blame? I'm sorry, how?
How was any of that her fault? She was trapped in a terrible situation with no where to go. Don't forget, she was a child when that happened so there are years of conditioning and abuse. Even through it all, Cinderella was kind, loving, and bold. She never gave up until the moment she could have a dream come true, to go to the ball, only to have it destroyed by her stepfamily.
And, what? We blame her for not saving herself and neededing a man to do it? First of all, you're giving that bitch boy too much credit. He provided an escape, but he didn't save her. In all honesty, you should be giving credit to the mice and birds. They really saved Cinderella, who then saved herself when she presented her other slipper. And so what if she needed help? Breaking free from an abuser is the hardest thing to do and I've met only a handful of people that freed themselves. A lot of people usually need help. So, fuck off she should have saved herself. Fuck off she should have been strong enough to break free. Abuse is abuse. And when you suffer that shit from fucking childhood, that is deeply ingrained in your subconscious. You are fucked for life. And if you weren't, here's a cookie.
Abuse is abuse. We offer redemption to the abusers, but condemn the abused in the process. We need to break this cycle and it starts with us. Writers and artists, it's our job to break these cycles. To create pieces that are true expressions of our experiences and the truths behind them. Adding a touch of reality that the older generation are trying to blind us and gaslight us for. It starts with all of us.
This has been a L0tus talk. Have a lovely day.
#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir#steven universe#pink diamond#pink#miraculous marinette#miraculous felix#miraculous chloe bourgeois#cinderella#elsa#queen elsa#frozen#disney#abuse is abuse#stop glorifying abuse#let's talk#mlb chloe#miraculous chloe#chloe bourgeois#mlb marinette#marinette dupain cheng#felix graham de vanily#felix fathom#mlb gabriel#tomoe tsurugi#kagami tsuguri#miraculous zoe#ml critical#su critical
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Law & Love Chapter 20
A/N: Well, guys.....looks like this is the end. NOT!! HAHA I know last time I said there was only one more chapter to this but my muse woke up and after talking over some ideas with my beta @kazsrm67, there are about 3-5 more chapters of this now.
THEN:
Beau gently lays it out for her. How Emily was invited back up to Montana to help with Sunny Day Excursions, how he wants to be honest and truthful with her.
"I've come to realize that I'm not happy here anymore, Car. I miss the mountains and the fresh air."
"You're going back for her, aren't you?" Carla says, sitting back in her chair, crossing her arms and glaring at him.
NOW:
"It's not like that," Beau objects as he stares at the woman in front of him. "I told you, Em got that letter and it just made me realize, I miss it up there."
"Beau, babe," Carla stands up and walks around the desk. "Can I be honest with you?"
"Of course."
"I've been selfish-" she begins. "-and weak."
Beau watches his ex-wife in perplexity. ‘What is she talking about?’ he thinks and opens his mouth to voice the words, but Carla holds up her hand, silencing him.
“Listen Beau, when I asked you to come back home-” she sighs before continuing. "-I wasn’t completely honest. After Avery’s death, I was afraid to be alone. I haven’t been alone since….well, ever. We got together in our freshman year of college, married a year after graduation; had Em and then after our divorce I met Avery and in a whirlwind got remarried. And then I found myself being a widow with an ex. So I took the coward’s way out. I asked you to try again.
“I knew you had moved on. I met Y/N, remember. Hell, yall were living together for fuck’s sake! I saw that and it reminded me of us when we first got together."
Beau sits there unmoving, flabbergasted over Carla's admission. He keeps his eyes on her as she begins pacing back and forth, between his spot and her desk.
"I realized that I was about to come back to Texas, alone, as a widow and I was scared. I haven't been a single woman since before college and I was terrified of what that meant."
Beau's heart breaks at her confession. It's true though. From the moment they met in the financial aid line their freshman year of college, he and Carla had been inseparable, spending every free minute with one another. It was love at first sight for both of them and even back then he thought he'd spend the rest of his life with her.
They'd graduated college and had both entered the workforce with promising careers before taking that next big step of getting married. The first few years were bliss and they felt indestructible. Even with the unexpected arrival of Emily, they were invincible but by the time Em turned 5, that armor had been chipped and by their daughter's tenth birthday, their relationship was nothing but a shell.
And then Beau received the final blow when he was served with divorce papers; Carla had filed for divorce, claiming irreconcilable differences. The difference was she had become captivated by a friend of a friend of an acquaintance, Avery McCallister. And less than a year after the divorce papers were signed, Carla was no longer an Arlen.
"So," he finally spoke. "Once again, you duped me? You pretended to still feel something for me to make me do your bidding. Did you ever love me, Carla?"
Standing up, Beau towers over the brunette, his chest heaving. "I'm just a pawn in your game of life huh? Well, guess what. I'm done. It's over. We're over. Emily and I are headed to Helena soon, and after her stint as camp staff is finished she can come back to you, if she wants. But I will not be returning. This is goodbye, Carla."
With that he turns and walks toward the door. As his hand wears around the knob, Carla defends herself.
"I do love you Beauford! You were my one true love for almost my whole twenties. But I let outside factors cloud my judgment. I am truly sorry, honey. I moved on but I guess I didn't expect you to. I'm sorry. "
"I'm sorry too," Beau replies before turning around and looking at his ex-wife. "I'm sorry for not being enough. I'm sorry that I let you down. But I will not apologize for continuing my life. And if she'll have me back, I plan to continue living my life in Montana with Y/N."
He gives a small smile toward Carla and turns the knob and walks out of her office, passing by the receptionist desk and to the elevator.
On the way to the bottom floor, Beau closes his eyes and pinches his nose. 'God, please don't have let me have fucked it up with Y/N. I'll beg if she wants!' he thinks to himself.
Beau: Hey Y/N. It's Beau. Looks like I'm going to be coming back to Helena. Could we meet up and talk about some things?
Beau wasn't expecting his phone to ring so when it did, he almost dropped the device in the floor.
"Y/N?"
"It's me," she answers and her voice washes over him like a warm breeze. God, how he missed her!
"How you been, sweetheart?"
Beau closes his eyes and just basks in the cadence of her voice until she says something that causes him to pause. His eyes shoot open. What did she mean by that?!
"Wait, what do you mean taking me back?! Don't you still live there? Please don't tell me you've moved back East," he begs.
She laughs and it brings a smile to his lips and he breathes easier. She explains that she still lives in Helena but isn't there and once again, Beau holds his breath. Had she already met someone and is off visiting her new man? Oh god, please don't let that be it!
"Ohhh," Beau breathes out before asking "where are you?"
As soon as her answer hits his ears, he smiles. She is so close. But why is she in Texas? What brought her to the Lonestar State?
@spnbaby-67 @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogarukee @supraveng @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @deanwithscissors @raisinggray @fanfic-n-tabulous @hobby27 @stoneyggirl @purpleeclipseeggsland @kmc1989 @deans-spinster-witch @yvonneeeeeeee @tmb510 @globetrotter28
#law & love#beau arlen#cordell walker#big sky#walker#texas ranger#y/n#beau x y/n#walker x y/n#not spn
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I finally fucken read the scanlations of the chapter and imma be real with yall, Tabata fumbled this immensely.
Allow me to explain.
All things considered, Jack's "death"* feels incredibly bland, not just how it's handled but also how it affects his character and the overall theme Black Clover has.
*(Tabata has a trend of coping out deaths, so I'm hoping this is a red herring to sort of divert our attention from probably the fact that Yuno's spell won't hold on forever, so we're, ironically, on a race against time. This also may be a sort of Fuegoleon situation, considering we haven't seen the Earth Spirit/Gnome yet, so considering Jack's blade magic is a sort of "final" earth form (earth>> ore>> metal>> weapon>> blade) but maybe that's just me on copium. We Shall See)
With his character, the death feels kinda bland and showy. Tabata's main good ability in writing characters is by putting a different spin on them or flipping the tropes. In Jack's case, he's supposedly the bloodthirsty battle maniac trope, with his complicated and restrictive home life actually being a reason for his carefree battle attitude. The PROBLEM here is that Tabata put too little time in his development/roster, not really enough of his own thoughts, and the last slash ends up being less of a "I choose how I will die, and I'll die swinging" and more of "all I can think about is slashing and that's what I'll do dying", which completely fucks up the whole character.
Jack is, as we know it, the ONLY Clover born commoner captain. Everyone else is either nobility or immigrants with ridiculous magic (Yami may have been technically considered nobility but his foreign status is more important to his character, we have so little info on Dorothy's life I'm not even gonna speculate). By all sense and means, Jack was likely the only captain who even accepted commoners and peasants with average skills. One could argue he was probably the first commoner captain, considering Zara was the first peasant magic knight, only about 20+ years ago.
This, coupled with Jack's very vague character writing, shows that Tabata didn't really know HOW to write him in an interesting/meaningful way. So he essentially kills him off because he doesn't know what to do with him.
This falls back into how the death itself is contradictory to the themes BC has. The theme Black Clover has, by essence, is that "peasants/those weren't born lucky or talented can strive to reach great, if not greater, heights as those above them using hard work and determination" as well as "the class system affects everything, and by being inherently bigoted, it infects every other system in regards to it". The problem here is with Tabata's writing falling into "tell not show" categories (whether its because of page limits, editor influence or other things), by trying to show both themes at the same time, he ends up punishing the underdogs MORE than those who are inherently privileged (nobles with lots of mana), if not actively rewarding them.
This could be attributed to either how much time Tabata spends on other characters vs those he ignores or how very few of the cast with ACTIVE roles in the story belong to the middle/lower class.
For example, Yuno's abilities and powerups in Spade arc and this current one FEEL like asspulls, mostly because despite being one of the main trio, we're not given a lot of time to SEE how he gets it/develops it. If we had previously seen a montage of him training to develop his skills in the 3 day period before the raids and the 3 days before Lucius comes knocking or even the 1.5 YEAR TIMESKIP, a LOT of the complaints about it being an asspull would be null because we'd actually see the work being put into it.
The opposite can be said for Jack. Jack falls into essentially the same category as Asta and Magna - people of lower classes that have to work harder than those above them to reach the same heights, but by putting more effort into it, the underdog status triumphs over the naturally gifted.
This could be seen all the way back in Spade arc, with Jack developing skills mid battle to face off/stall Dante, then being the one to silently kill him off to not sour the victory Magna got. Its GOOD that it was Jack who assisted in the kill because he was of the lower class like Magna and Zora and Asta. In addition, keeping silent about it doesn't sour the victory either because Jack likely knows the feeling of having hard earned kills being stolen.
Even the contribution against Lucifero is, even if minor, still valued because he's not the only one who got beat up, ALL of the captains got smacked up to show the threat Lucifero was.
The problem in character writing falls in this recent chapter, with Jack being the first fatality.
One could say that Lucius is being inherently bigoted in his own way - he's born of a noble lineage, all of the paladins are of nobility as well and its implied that the legless angels, who were described as "rebels" were actually peasants. Its a good choice, considering that Lucius is supposed to be the almost last antagonist, so he essentially HAS to show that he's a bit of a racist to uphold the themes of the story. He's both the Puritan and Calvinist wave in Christianity, while also claiming that those born with less mana are inherently more weak and should be erased and "rebuilt" to have the same amount of magic as everyone.
The problem in it is that not only does it undermine a lot of the peasants/commoners who actively got merit through hard work, it's also giving eugenics and the Christian idea that you "deserve" flaws that you were born with/can't control and thus further pushing classist/racist ideology. Lucius is still commiting genocide against the lower class and still is falling into the idea that "once everyone has the same amount of large mana, there will be no wars :)", indirectly blaming the lower class for disparities done by the upper class.
However, with his attack on Clover by fighting against those struggling to still live, would clash with the peasant/commoner ideology that no amount of effort gone into bettering yourself is wasted. All effort to become better is still valuable and Clover Kingdom fighting against the sentries/paladins/Lucius would SHOW that.
The problem is that Jack dying is not helping the idea or the narrative. Even the final slash only so much as leaves a massive canyon in the ground and kills off maybe 2 or 3 sentries, while Morgan is "miraculously" still without a scratch. Its equal parts infuriating and makes Jack's death feel for naught. Even the final regret of not being able to slash Yami only makes him fall more into a 2 dimensional character trope. It ends up with Tabata actively punishing the underdogs and trying to get rid of the characters who he's SUPPOSED to be able to write, as per the story.
Unless the final massive slash somehow does something to either turn the tides/bring Asta home/hell, even just getting him a spirit/demon contract, it falls flat for the narrative and doesn't progress his character.
So far there's no ACTIVE show that Jack is completely dead and done for outside of a forth of his grimoire already disappearing, so maybe there's still some last minute death save for him. I hope, because otherwise, Justice 4 Jack.
#black clover#black clover manga#black clover spoilers#jack the ripper#black clover jack#jack black clover#as you can see im passionate about beloved stickman surviving#cmon tabata let our trans commoner hustle king live
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I saw some people saying Tottenham fans need to calm down considering they are literally still 5th and above liverpool and chelsea. Thoughts?
I mean sure there's the perspective that every team needs cause spurs are still in the prem and we're not say Southampton who are fighting for their lives, but I also don't think spurs fans are wrong to be pissed off right now. it's been building for years and years and i think everyone is finally just at the end of their tether. It's not like spurs are 5th and performing well, we're not playing like a team that should be anywhere above mid-table at best.
It's not a case of "conte bad" or "blame enic" it's everyone together making it such a calamitous shitshow.
The manager is non-committal to his future, won't adapt his tactics to suit the side he has, doesn't seem to want to do any coaching, refuses to switch up his team selection unless apparently players are (unnecessarily) BOOED off the pitch, and for some reason came to spurs and expected 100 of the world's best ready-made title winning players to come into the club when we were never going to provide that.
Our players are playing appallingly, our squad is thinner than a bald man's last remaining strand of hair, they go into the med room and never return, and there's the slight possibility we're headed for ANOTHER case of our players stopping playing for our manager.
The whole ownership of the club is a joke and is ruining the good parts of its legacy, we're never going to have the kinds of spending sprees of other top 6 sides but the lack of ambition continually displayed when it comes to player recruitment AND creating a thriving and useful academy is becoming negligible especially for the latter. we are not massively massively wealthy but we are spending like we are a lot poorer than we are. we don't back our managers, we don't know how to change and transition our squads at the right time and for a man that tries to save and obtain every penny possible the way levy refuses to sell players on before their price plummets to 50p and a freddo is crazy to me. and it's not only this lack of ambition that's killing us but the club has no idea whether it wants to be a microwavable ready meal short term winning machine (hence conte) or if it wants to be the english BVB with a focus on young talent and some experienced players to balance the side out. there's no rhyme or reason to who we buy or why we buy them. we spent all of last summer chasing djed's signature and beat out clubs like dortmund who are literally KNOWN for making young talent into stars and have given him about 20 minutes of game time all season in all competitions. we say our focus is on young talent and we always want to bring in a young player and develop them but spurs have ruined the careers of their own young talents and they're still fucking doing it now!
The whole club from the players to the manager to the recruitment staff to the academy to the owners are aimlessly wandering without any real purpose or direction or end goal, hell I'm not even sure "win a trophy" can be considered some people's objectives. as beautiful as the new stadium and training facilities are they mean nothing to fans if that's the biggest show of ambition they're going to get as if that's supposed to be their trophy from everyone involved's time at the club. at the end of the day juande fucking ramos is STILL the only manager in my lifetime to win a trophy with spurs. how can anyone defend that?
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Semi-final votes and comments, now in finals order! First, the scores I gave them, with a reminder that these can and absolutely do change between semi and final.
10/12: Australia
8/12: Norway, Portugal, Moldova, Finland, Slovenia, Albania, Austria
7/12: Serbia, Sweden, Czechia, Belgium, Lithuania, Poland, Armenia
6/12: Israel, Cyprus
5/12: Croatia
4/12: Switzerland, Estonia
No numerical score for the auto qualifiers.
And, my initial comments!
Austria: Okay, this one is making me grin and is also pretty catchy. 8/12 just for doing something genuinely different!
Portugal: Oh shit this is fun. Energetic torch song in Portuguese with a red dress I'm pretty sure the singer nicked from Conchita Wurst (complementary). I'm into it! 8/12
Switzerland: Oh no, a Heavy Topic Song™. Listen I respect it but is it really Eurovision? 4/12
Poland: I feel like I'm watching an aerobics video from the 90s. Produced in Spain. Which is odd, since they're Polish. On the other hand, I am jiggling my leg! Maybe it's Second Semi Final Syndrome's lower standards? 7/12
Serbia: Staging is really strong this year! Oh we're straight video game now. Wasn't sure at first but it's definitely growing on me! 7/12
France: I'm giving them nul points based solely on being a Mr Bean enjoyer. Okay no it's not bad. Ballady vibes but could be a banger.
Cyprus: Australia's back-up entry! He came 7th in the selection show last year (Voyager came second). …yeah no dull. Oh well. 6/12
Spain: Yeah I'm gonna have to wait to see the whole thing, but looks interesting. Maybe not my thing, but interesting!
Sweden: Loreen is back, too! I do wonder about this, previous winners returning tends not to play out great unless you're Johnny Logan. …It is a bit panini press, yeah XD Yeah honestly I'm not feeling this, definitely not as much as Euphoria, which I goddamn adored. It's still really solid, it's just lacking something? I suspect it'll win XD;; 7/12
Albania: Oh there's the drama. Not in English, rad costumes! 8/12
Italy: Eh, doesn't really do much for me.
Estonia: Nifty a cure for the fact that I've been awake for nearly two hours and it's only 5:20 AM. *faceplants on the keyboard 4/12
Finland: “When your sleeves say Met Gala but your chest says Vicks VaporRub.” The fan favourite! You go dude bust out of that box. I'm not actually 100% sold on it musically, but the presentation is top notch. Oh hey I really dig that last bit, actually! Rainbows! 8/12
Czechia: Oh these visuals slap. Not 100% sold on the song itself but the presentation is really cool. 7/12
Australia: Yeah here we go! Honestly so glad we're closing the show. Very synthwavey vibes but like, synthwave goes rock. And our old friend, the wind machine! And a keytar! Fuck yeah that's a closer! 10/12
Belgium: God this gets points just for not making me fall asleep. The Ballroom vibe is fun as hell too. 7/12
Armenia: Oh god this is so slow. Armenia, it's 5:13 AM, it's too early for a slow song. There we go, picked up! Yeah, aside from the slow start, this works. 7/12
Moldova: Welcome back, Pasha! I did love Lăutar. Oh shit this is fun as hell, really digging the staging and costuming, it's got some fun folky elements but amped up. 8/12
Ukraine: It's kind of giving 90s boy band, alas.
Norway: Oh this is a strong start! Costuming is dramatic, it's got energy, I dig it! Oof, that high note didn't quite hit, though. 8/12
Germany: ‘Blood and Glitter' is a hell of a title. They look like they're gonna be fun as hell!
Lithuania: Slow start, but some big vocals to save it a bit. I'm sorry I'm so tired. 6/12
Israel: It feels listenable but in the most generic way possible? Like, “Okay, start with interesting visuals, put some soaring vocals in, now do a rap bit, now do a dance, now end with pyros!” Like objectively I'm not sure there's anything wrong with it but it just feels… generic!! 6/12
Slovenia: Points for not English + I kinda want the lead singer's shirt + it's funky + band! With instruments! It's certainly no Maneskin, but yeah, definitely favourite of the night so far! 8/12
Croatia: Myf (Australian commentator) just described them as bonkers so I am eagerly awaiting this. …It is indeed bonkers! Not sure about the weird military-esque vibe but it's also giving somewhat cheerleader? Okay this is basically nigh unlistenable but it does get Bonkers Points™. 5/12
United Kingdom: It's certainly not bad! It's just very… more of the same, I guess?
So starting out with a really fun one, Australia and Finland have not-great places in the very middle of the pack, and we're ending with something very… samey. Well, we'll see how it goes!
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What's up with uni????? What did those fucķers do????? Dont let them get you down boo you're worth far more
girlllll
okay now that the story's over i can talk about what happed. the stress i was under oh my god... i thought it was all over....
so basically the way it works in my uni is that you have 2 tries to pass an exam. if you don't pass the first time, you retake in august. passing grade is 4/6 and you need a 4 in every subject to pass the year. and if you take the exam twice and still get less than 4, you're kicked out.
so i was in my final year of mathematics and i had 2 exams to retake in august. probability and functional analysis. both of which were super hard, i studied my ass off lemme tell you.
and it was very stressful because again, if you don't pass on the 2nd try you get kicked out. and in my case that meant 4 years down the drain.
so i passed probability. and the functional analysis grade took a very long time for some reason. side note: we don't get notified when we get our grades. you have to go on the student portal and refresh the page everyday basically. they update the portal like twice a week i think and every time it's updated there's a countdown. so sometimes you go on the portal and it says "your results will be available at 16:34" for example. so you have to wait. and when it's updated it doesn't mean that there are new results. it's just an update and maybe you haven't received anything.
so after the functional analysis exam i like refresh the student portal every day. and every time it's nothing. a week goes by, two weeks go by. im like wtf where's my grade. we were only 4 people to retake it so what was taking them that long ?????
friday comes around and im like okay, they're gonna publish the results today, right ??? because monday it's the start of the school year. so we're gonna get results before the new year starts, right...? right.. ??????
so i refresh the portal and there's nothing and at like 8pm there's a message like "your results will be available at 20:45". so im like shit here we go. my heart starts pounding, im like this is it. it's the only exam i have left to complete my bachelors. 20:45 comes, i refresh the page and still! no results!
so im like fuck looks like im gonna receive my grade the day school starts basically. and idk what to do. because like... do i start my master's? do i not? what's going on? where do i go?
so i go to like the first class of my master's program, i go on my phone every five minutes to see if the portal has been updated. and still nothing!
at 4pm i finally see that there's a countdown. so like my whole body's shaking. im like this is it.
i open and....... 3.5 !!!!!!!!!!!!
and im like fuck. what do i do.
it was my 2nd try and i failed. that's it. four years of my life down the drain. so that means that im gonna have to restart a bachelor's degree again. or just abandon higher education all together. for one fucking subject. and half a point.
so im like devastated.
i go to the student counselor and cry like my life is over. and he tries to console me and tells me that when i get the elimination letter, i can try to ask them to take me back. because come on, like this is ridiculous. i have 174 credits out of 180. and a 3.5 is almost a pass. so the counselor told me that i should write a letter to the dean and like maybe even get a doctor's note from my therapist or something. literally anything that could help my case.
and then! he mentioned that i can consult the exam! because who knows, maybe the TA missed something during the correction. and for half a point there's a possibility, right?
so i go see the TA. and uhhh.... yeah. that was the case. he couldn't read my handwriting and missed a bunch of points. so in the end, yeah, he corrected his correction and i got a 4.
all this stress!!!!!!!!! like guys. im ajkdsahioe likeeee brooo .,,,,,,,..,,...
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Write me your last words (duck and hawk)
Hawk.
I couldn't figure out the right way to do this, but given that we're not exactly the kind of brothers who... talk, to each other, I guess this'll suffice. I'm sorry. I was a shitty, attention seeking little brother and I know that... left you in the lurch. I'm sorry that I was both the one brother you really... got on with, and also the one who spent most of his time fighting with you. I'm sorry that I'm the reason you wound up stuck here. Maybe it would have been better if we meant it, all those times we said we hated each other. that we wouldn't give a shit if the other one keeled over and died.
I never meant it, at least. You're my brother. And despite it all, I love ya. I've got a fucking porcelain tooth and it's your fault, but I still look at the four wheeler in my garage and remember how much fun we'd been having before I fell out of that desk chair and mulched my face. before you came running to the scene of the crash and begged me 'please ducky don't tell mama!' while trying to bribe me with your allowance for the week. I did tell mom though. Not because I wanted you in trouble, but because I needed a dentist's intervention to pick the shards of my teeth out of my lip, and a doctor to get the chunks of my glasses out of my face. You were a lot nicer to me, the week after, but we still avoided each other. We only got along when we were getting up to trouble. Maybe that's how we were always just. supposed to be.
I'm sorry. I know I was annoying. That you got a degree in medicine around the time I had my first child and that pushed your achievements to the side. That I was some war hero that mom bragged about and you were a doctor who moved away. I'm sorry we ever felt like we were in competition. You're smart. Way smarter than I could have ever hoped to be. Because you're reading this. And I'm dead. I don't know how, maybe I finally just stopped getting lucky. Maybe it was my own stupid fault... No matter what it was, don't hold this against me- I'm really sorry I told on you, after all.
I don't want to ask you to take the kids in. Wren's grown and I know she'd take good care of her brother. But keep them away from Ma. I spent 20 years raising them the exact opposite of the way we were brought up so maybe when they're old and shitty like me and you they'll at least be able to have dinner without getting into a fistfight in the yard.
I didn't like fighting with you. I guess that's stupid to admit, that's... our whole thing, right? But- it's the only thing you would do with me for ages. How many times did I ask you to come out hunting or fishing or just for lunch and you were busy? At least if I pissed you off, we were hanging out. At least if I let you win sometimes, I didn't feel like I'd taken everything from you. You remember when we were teenagers and I tried to talk you into taking a roadtrip with me? I made a tape and everything, and then I totaled the sedan. I guess I've spent most of my life fucking up and making you hate me. I guess I don't blame you.
I'm sorry I hit you with the stock of my gun when you came home. I should have known the only reason you'd come back was because you were worried about me. I got us both stuck here.
When you and Matt get hitched, save me a seat at the table. Pretend I made some stupid speech about when we were kids how I knew you were a hopeless gay just like me. And when you remember you hate me, find some way to make it productive, because I'm not around to beat to shit anymore.
Despite it all, I love you, Hawthorne.
Ducky.
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Things about College Students for Writing
this is for all those college au's! I'm an american student going to a private college and ik some writers like to write college au's even if they don't go to college so yeah!
the carton milk during breakfast is not good. actually worse than the milk my high school had. the milk just sits out in a tray with ice, bought it once. consistency of slime. tuition is 50k ffs
I live in one of the older dorms, the paint is peeling, there was a dead cockroach, windows that face walls, microwave and mini fridge, a desk, tiny closet, and a bed for like 6k
as a freshman, I had to attend a bunch of mandatory meetings at the beginning of the year that basically amounted to "you're in college now" inspirational speech
I live in a dorm that is mainly freshman and we have occasional one on one meetings (like 5-15 min) with our ra to talk about how we're adjusting or doing socially, emotionally, and academically
the walls are thin
ppl play music really loud in the bathroom, my room is directly in front of the bathroom so I can hear it. all of it.
good news, I don't have to listen to ppl fucking bc my school is religiously affiliated and the dorms have sex-segragation either by building or by floor
bad news, the not listening to ppl fucking is out of sheer luck bc looking at the social media, ppl are horny af
the professors so far have been way better at acknowledging and validating mental health issues than high school
comedy improv shows late at night on Fridays that hilariously contrast with the whole "religiously affiliated private school" image
more than once saying "we don't tell my therapist about this" while staying up late doing dumb shit (like binging an anime on a school night or completing a jigsaw) or having a meal they wouldn't approve of
making friends is hard
why is the ac so shitty
as always, clear difference between the stem buildings and the humanities buildings. the art building is literally outside in the open, science building has a bunch of glass rooms and an elevator??
the art students will not forget about the Incident, involving a homeless man who tried to live in the art department bathroom
Not accessible at all for wheelchair users or the physically impaired. So many stairs. You can call for a golf cart escort to class but it still takes a hit second
Lots of events happen both during and after class during the school week, but there's always hardly any worthwhile weekend events
there's a leaky roof in one of the art rooms
certain food places are supposed to be open at certain times, but they aren't (especially if they're supposed to be open at like 7am, like they are never open that early even though they're supposed to be)
generally reliable opening and closing times list of the main food places are available, but you have to hunt them down and find them on campus because the info is not available online
the info online about when the bookstore opens or closes is wrong
food trucks on the opposite side of campus near the science and art buildings for hungry students after class
no parking spaces, ever, and there's like 2k students and not all of them have a car
professors playing uncensored music
the amount of dogs I see on walks, they're so happy
bunch of cats on campus that just roam around, used to be feral and were spayed/neutered. students love them
therapy dog that students also love
weird realization that some freshman are already like 20 and some peeps in beginner/intro classes are sophomores or juniors too
laundry room is usually full unless it's past 6 pm or before 10am
have to do dishes in the bathroom sink
no kitchen in the dorm rooms (some have a kitchen sink in the lobby but that's it) unless it's an apartment style dorm
$12 for a dozen eggs on campus
can't graduate early because scholarship stipulates four years there
it's easier to stay up late than it is to get up early
p much no dress code on campus unless the class requires a specific type of dress
finals week is called dead week, you can and will get fined for being too loud late at night and early in the morning. everyone is studying or working.
#writing prompts#prompt list#story prompts#totally not forgetting to schedule prompts#totally a late night prompt#totally not forgetting bc i keep getting distracted by fics#yo but like i am reading yet another secret identity/mistaken identity/identity reveal fic an#they're idiots but they're loveable idiots
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dr. kristophine complains ad nauseam about the financial realities of clinical practice in the US medical system under late-stage capitalism
All this bullshit with work is such an ADULT problem. God, I miss when my problems were less complicated. "We should have a 10% pay rate differential for less desirable shifts, such as evenings and weekends, and this should apply to Advance Practice Clinicians (Physician Assistant/Associates as well as Nurse Practitioners) in addition to physicians (MD/DO), and the organization has already acknowledged the need to incentivize these shifts by providing a pay differential for MAs for these same shifts." Shouldn't even be a question. It's gonna cost the clinic 80 bucks a week for the evening shifts and another 80 bucks for the Saturday shifts, and they'll make more than enough to cover that, they just don't like it because nobody's pushed back who had the level of institutional heft that I do as an MD.
This is what I mean by nickel and diming us to death: I make 92 dollars an hour (although since I'm salaried, that's just flat-out not even close to true because I work WAY more hours than the "32 clinical hours" that's considered a full-time workweek because they KNOW I'm working at LEAST another 8 hours of non-patient-contact time on paperwork and frankly it's usually a LOT more), and in an hour if I see two 15-minute visits and one 30-minute visit, depending on what services I provide, how I document, and how I put in the diagnostic and billing codes, the clinic could easily be making 300-400 dollars. Now, they also have to pay my MA, which is going to run them another 20 bucks an hour (because we're underpaying our MAs), staff the front desks, staff the billing department (who! fun fact! once threatened to send ME, A PHYSICIAN EMPLOYED AT THEIR OWN CLINIC, TO COLLECTIONS, after I had SPECIFICALLY ASKED HOW TO PAY THE CHARGES I ACCEPTED WHILE I DISPUTED THE OTHERS WITH MY INSURANCE COMPANY), staff administration (I guess they do stuff...), pay for the building, keep the lights on, buy medical supplies, pay for Janitorial, etc. So this is a LONG way from pure profit. But I am worth a SHIT TON of money to them. If I don't see patients, they can't collect. I'm one of 10 physicians at the clinic currently, if I have the math right, and since I've teamed up with 2 other docs who have been asked to work evening and Saturday shifts without differential compensation, that means 30% of us are now pushing for something that will cost admin very little comparatively and greatly increase satisfaction. (This is also why residents need to understand how much power they hold in their final year, when they're looking at being recruited--you can change a clinic's approach to recruiting. Not kidding. Ask them about what they're doing for racial justice, or LGBTQIA+ rights, and you can make them care, because you are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars a year to them if they can recruit you and you stay. I probably see around 4,000 patient visits a year. Most will "cost" over a hundred bucks, whether it's the patient or the insurance company covering it. Do that math.)
I still think they're being SUPER short-sighted by not working harder to improve staff satisfaction among the APCs, because APCs have lower salaries than physicians and make damn near as much for the clinic, soooooo they need to get their heads out of their assess and MAKE NICE, because there's legislation pending that would make insurance companies cough up as much for APC visits as MD/DO visits. But admin did NOT like this advice from me.
Anyway, I've ruined my whole weekend stewing about the VERY nasty and emotional response from our CMO, and the fact that we have a contract negotiation meeting coming up Tuesday night, and the part where I really, really don't want to have to change jobs because I LIKE my peers and I LIKE my patients and I have a vested financial interest (my loan repayment program right now is contingent on this employment and ALSO I don't want to have to pay back my recruitment bonus), but also, if they try to fuck me over because I asked for 20 bucks a night extra when I work the late shift, they can kiss my ass, I can and will go work for our competitor.
Having power ALSO means having RESPONSIBILITY? What kind of bullshit--
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I block anyone who is a huge fan!
I assume we're on about my Penis Sangria post.
I don't mind people who are fans. I respect the right to have bad taste. I don't think PC is all that actively that harmful it's just kind of annoying that everyone likes it when It's not good imo. There's a bit of a few race problems but it's biggest sin is being a soap opera with bad writing and no ending. No shade to anyone who likes it. And no real shade to Lottie either. I have to respect the right to bad taste I willingly listen to Krunkaholic by Ohemgee of sound and sober mind and body.
That said, what I've heard from people that I have seen talking about it is Phucking Incredible.
Like I'll admit I know very little about the plot but I know the broad strokes. If a guy dumped me by lying to his wife about me coming onto him nonconsensually when our kiss was very much a two way street, I'm over his ass, he's not the man I thought he was, and I may cry or be angry for a couple of days and have a little bit of a depression robe moment, but it would not last long. That man is trash and I'm moving on. And then 20 years later he shows up at my apartment and beats my boyfriend(?) to a pulp, That's murder attempt number one from me, even if my boyfriend(?) is the human equivalent of a used condom. Sir you do not get to defend my honor after lying about me like that and then not making it up to me. That's where I'm tapping out. That's when I've had enough. Jack is getting dumped unceremoniously and Stede is dying and I'm fleeing to foreign shores and changing my name to avoid catching that murder charge. If I don't have the money to do that, ya boi is going to jail because someone needs to keep his ass in check.
Then we somehow get together and I paint a whole creampie ass on a wall in the middle of new york to try to hint that I would like you to fuck me and when we finally get around to it you fall asleep and keep me waiting for an hour? and it's been 20 years? Sorry, boo, you're not waking up. You can lose your gay virginity to satan in hell.
I just think Ned could benefit from a little bit of a reputation era. Lottie, if you're reading this I'm sorry but also not trying to be mean or bully you I'm making suggestions, ok. I genuinely think your fic could benefit from a plot twist Kraken Era that takes Steve out if he's gonna keep fucking up like this. Just so long as you portray Ed as justified and not overly violent with it it should be fine.
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Chapter 20. The Return Of The Cowboys From Hell
Arlington Texas, April 28 2002
"Holy shit babe, this is fuckin' awesome," Tommy says as we pull up to the iron cast gate to Vinny's house - ok more like mansion - to go over the details of the contract.
I had never been to Vinny's house before and man, it was insanely gorgeous and massive, almost twice the size of Tommy's house. The gate opens and the cab takes us up to the entrance, I pay the cab and we step out and we make our way up the steps of the cement porch to the front door. I stand at the front door, with my messenger bag slung over my shoulder, my curls down as usual and past my shoulders wearing low rise ripped jeans, my black and white Chuck Taylors that match Tommy's so well, and plain black fitted tank top. I catch the reflection of myself in the window and fix my curls, then look back at Tommy as he gives me a strange look.
"What?" I giggle.
"You alright?" He chuckles offering his charming smile wearing his usual ripped jeans and a white fitted tank top showing off his incredible tattoos with his necklaces laying perfectly against his chest.
"Yea, just... I'm fine," I giggle and then sigh, and ring the doorbell. A few minutes go by and as I wait for the door to open I could feel some reminisce of my nerves creeping up. Why does it always seem like forever when you're waiting for someone to open a door. Then I hear someone unlock the door and once it opens, I see Dime standing there in front of me, his curls everywhere, his beard now colored red and wearing a Kiss band shirt and ripped baggy jean shorts.
"Well, if it isn't sweet little Andi standin' at my brother's door," Dime says in that deep southern drawl of his.
"No, she actually ran the other way, you want me to get her?" I joke and Dime and Tommy laugh.
"Get over here," Dime laughs and grabs me, wrapping his arms around me in a huge hug. I felt so small as he held me swaying back and forth.
"Um, I'm sure you already know but, I brought Tommy too," I say when I pull away from him.
"Well hell yea... good to fuckin' see ya," Dime smiles at him.
"Fuck yea dude! Good to see you too," Tommy smiles and they grab each other in a brotherly hug.
"Well fuck, get the fuck in here guys," Dime says as he pulls away from Tommy patting him on the back. We step inside the foyer with gorgeous 20 foot ceilings, with incredible Texan decor as Dime walks away to the bar that is off to the side of the foyer.
"You have a bar right in the entranceway? What?" I giggle.
"Uh huh, well it's Vinny's house so yea he makes sure the place is stocked for whatever you need. We're kinda both like that," He says as he whips out a huge bottle of Crown. As soon as that bottle came out I knew what was in store.
I just can't remember if I ate anything yet this morning. Oh wait, yes I did.
He makes us some drinks as Tommy lights up a cigarette, then hands them to us and leads us down towards the back of the house and I take a sip feeling that sweet burn of that delicious whiskey. We finally end up at a door and when he leads us inside, it was gorgeous studio, with a control booth, recording room the whole bit on one side, then on the other side was like a lounge type of setting with large comfy couches, a bar against one wall and a small little stage with Vinny's Drums set up and a couple of Marshall stacks set up on either side.
Oh I should mention, there were a ton of people here too. There was Rita of course, Dime's girlfriend, a few other girls, probably for Vinny, Zakk Wylde, Dime's partner in crime and best friend who I met years ago on the Pantera tour and had become close with just like Dime, Sully Erna from Godsmack, who I have yet to meet, Max Cavelera from Sepultura and I thought I might faint considering how much I fucking love him - them -but I had to play it cool of course.
Dime introduces us to everyone, with Tommy recognizing Sully and they end up talking and catching up. They had apparently met years ago on the ozzfest tour when Tommy was doing Methods of Mayhem.
'Alright sweetie, I guess we need to get that dang business shit outta the way," Dime says.
"Yea," I giggle. He then gestures to a smaller room off of the lounge as Vinny appears behind me greeting me sweetly and saying something about meeting in the smaller room as well.
"I'll be right back," I say, setting my drink down and turning to Tommy, touching his arm.
"Ok baby," He says so sweetly and leans down to give me a quick kiss on my lips. Once I pull away, he reaches for my hand giving it a gentle squeeze and I make my way into the small side room.
*****
"Alright sweetie, what d'ya got for us," Vinny asks as we sit down at the round table in the room with Dime sitting on my right and Vinny on my left, Patrick Lachman their vocalist, on the opposite side of Dime, and across from him was their bassist Bob Zilla.
"Well, I have a contract here ready to go, it just basically outlines everything from what my role is, stipulations and all that and... well here...you guys can see for yourself," I say and reach into my bag and pull out 4 copies handing one to each of them. "I uh, just put it under each of your names cause you said you hadn't decided on a band name yet,"
"Yea, we're uh still working on that shit, we just wanted to get set up with a manager before anything else," Vinny says.
"If there's anything in there that you want to add or take out - ?"
"No it looks pretty fuckin' good to me, but you're payment... that's all you're asking?" Dime says looking at the contract and then back at me.
"Uh well, that's my normal rate of percentage I usually charge so...," I say. I've never done any more than 10% since I do ok on that rate.
Dime then takes the pen, writes something down and slides it to Vinny. Then Vinny looks it over and nods and I was so confused at what they were doing. Vinny slides it back and then Dime shows me what he wrote down.
"No... no I couldn't do that, that's too much," I say seeing that he wrote down 30%
"Andi, this is why we asked you, you deserve it. So that's what you're gettin' " Dime says.
"No, I can't" I say feeling guilty and so flattered at the same time that they think so.
"Yes you can, and you are. Here..." Dime says correcting the percentage and initializing it. "Now it's official,"
"Fuck... I hate you," I giggle and Dime smiles at me.
"I hate you too sweetie," He smirks. Everyone signs the papers, correcting the percentage and initializing it, then taking their copies and passing the originals back to me.
"Alright, let's fuckin drink" Dime claps his hands together and everyone stands up and we all shake hands and I follow Vinny out of the room with Dime behind me.
****
Once out of the room, I immediately headed towards my drink once we had all come back into the lounge, taking a sip and setting my bag aside as Tommy came up to me.
"How did it go, baby?" He asks so sweetly, taking a drag of his cigarette.
"Fucking so... so awesome," I say taking another sip. "They're making me take 30," I add still in disbelief.
"What do you mean?" Tommy says confused.
"My percentage... like, I always do no more than 10 percent, just cause that's all I really need," I say.
I've never been a greedy person and I never needed a lot of money. I've always been fair and reasonable with my work and how everything is distributed.
"10 percent? jeezus babe that's so little," Tommy says, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
"Not really, I mean I think it's fair," I say looking up at him.
"Babe you are worth way more than 10 percent, I'm surprised you don't start it at 30 as the minimum," Tommy says.
"Yea but it's not just me, there's also up front advances to be paid back, touring costs, y'know?" I say, taking another sip.
"Yea but baby, you are fuckin' worth more than 10 percent. Like, what was my contract with you?" Tommy asks.
"You didn't even look did you?" I giggle looking back up at him.
"Pffft... yea, yea I did I just don't remember," He smirks.
"Uh huh, man I shoulda taken you for 60 seeing as you didn't even look when you signed it," I joke as he moves closer to me taking another drag of his cigarette and exhaling a cloud of smoke.
"Baby you could've taken me for 100 percent - a million percent and I still would've signed," Tommy smirks and I laugh as he leans down placing his lips on mine.
*****
"Ok, little Andi, get over here," Dime says, patting the black leather barstool, his booming deep Texan accent coming through.
"Little? Why is everyone saying that?" I laugh.
It was later into the evening and we all had been drinking, laughing and having a good time. Tommy was over hanging out with Vinny and Zakk being his life of the party self, laughing, making people laugh and I loved every second of it. I was on the other side of the room hanging out with Rita when Dime called me over to the bar. I walk over to him with a sweet smile and hop myself up on the stool as Rita follows and sits down on the other side of Dime.
"So, what the fuck has been going on with you?" Dime says pouring a shot of Crown into a shot glass and passing it over to me. He holds up his glass and I clink mine to his, and we down them together.
"Ha ha well...you know me. Work, work and more work," I say and he laughs.
"You know that's not what I'm talkin' about," Dime says, pouring me another shot and I giggle.
"Um, I'm getting married," I say.
"I see that," Dime says, glancing down at my hand with Tommy's ring on my finger. "You happy?" He adds.
"I am so, so fucking... so happy," I say with the biggest smile spreading across my face.
"Who woulda thought, Andi would fall for Tommy Lee," He shakes his head.
"I know right?" I say with a laugh. "No, but like, I'm so, soooo fucking in love with him,"
"Who me?" Tommy says right behind me which makes me jump and everyone laughs.
"Jeezus christ, you - don't do that," I say looking behind me and up at Tommy as he laughs, then leans down and places his lips to my neck becoming playful and tickling me.
"Stop!" I laugh with a yelp playfully pushing him away from me and he grabs the stool right beside me and sits down. "Can I take back what I said?" I joke and Dime and Rita laugh.
"Hey, you fuckin' love it," Tommy says leaning into me placing his palm on my cheek and pressing his lips to my temple loudly kissing me. Then Dime pours a shot for Tommy and slides the glass over to him.
"Oh fuck yea! Thanks dude," Tommy says excitedly.
"Of course man," Dime says and he raises his glass and Tommy clinks his and they both down their drinks.
"So what happened man? I heard you left Motley and you're doing a solo thing now?" Dime asks.
"Yea, yea I uh, left Motley a while back now, and did Methods of Mayhem for a bit, did Ozzfest of course - yea you guys were there too - " Tommy chuckles with a smile as Dime nods and holds out his fist and they do that brotherly fist bump. "And uh, yea... came home after that and shut myself off from the world basically and just wrote man. And like the stuff I was coming up with wasn't really Methods anyways so, I just let it take me wherever,"
"I thought you were doing like, some DJ stuff too?" Rita asks.
"Yea, yea I do a bit of that on the side, fuckin' love doing that shit too," Tommy says downing his shot and Dime pours him another one.
"I can't imagine you getting into that stuff," Rita says, gesturing to me.
"Me? Well I mean, I like the stuff he does, I'm open to it. I'm not always dark and brooding am I?" I ask and they all glance back and forth between each other.
"No, not at all baby" Tommy says, rolling his eyes and making a face.
"Fuck you," I giggle and playfully smack his chest and everyone laughs.
"Dude you have no idea how excited she was when she found out you asked her to like, work with you guys," Tommy says as he sets the shot glass down.
"Oh trust me, I can imagine. I remember when we first met backstage at one of our shows... she was so shy and such a sweetheart - "
"Who, me?" I say with a laugh.
"Yea, you. You were so quiet until I asked you if you liked the show and then you just lit right up. It was awesome" Dime Smiles.
"I was so young though and like... yea..." I trail off thinking about how just so young I was and trying not to fan girl as much as I did over him but I couldn't help it. I loved Pantera - correction, still love Pantera so fucking much.
"Well we were fuckin' so happy you said yes, cause I can't think of anyone better that would take care of our shit like you did durin' that tour back in what? '94?" Dime says.
"Are you kidding me? You guys drove me insane. I don't know who was worse, Phil or you," I say as Dime pours me another shot.
"Me," Dime smiles and pours another shot for Tommy, then one for himself.
"Oh yea, cause you'd always get on my case for like, not liking Kiss," I giggle.
"What?" Tommy says. "You never told me that,"
"Well I don't like, hate them, they're fine..."
"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Tommy looks at me.
"I said the exact same thing," Dime says.
"Babe, that Alive record was the first record that like, really blew my mind when I was like 13 or somethin'" Tommy explains.
"Fuckin' same dude" Dime chimes in.
"I thought you said your first record was an Osmond Brothers record?" I say with a smirk. Tommy looks at me like I just spilled a secret that he never wanted to ever get out.
"Uh, well yes but like, we don't need to talk about that," He says.
"Why not?" I giggle and Dime laughs.
"I didn't have like, an older brother or somethin' like most kids back then to like introduce me to shit like Sabbath or Deep Purple alright... I was 12 ok ? I had to find shit on my own," Tommy chuckles.
"I was 12 when I discovered Sabbath and I'm an only child," I point out with a smirk and Tommy just smirks right back at me .
"Says the girl who hates Kiss," Tommy chuckles.
"Hey I didn't say I hated them, I said they were ok... fine even," I say defending myself.
"Now you're the one that's crazy, They're ok? Fine? Fuck, when we toured with them that was just like... a definite like, what the fuck moment. Like they were larger than life itself,"
"Oh fuck yea dude," Dime chimes in pouring us each another shot.
"-but then Gene kicked us off the tour. Fuck, that was crazy,"
"Gene fired you guys? Wait what?" I ask and I down the shot, feeling that amazing sweet burn.
"Yea, we were just soooo fucked, drugs, partying so fuckin' much y'know. We only did a couple of shows and he like fired us cause Nikki and I were just too fucked. I don't remember a lot from those days but I remember that," Tommy laughs.
"You've been sober for a while though, right?" Rita asks.
"Oh yea, like I haven't touched drugs since I uh, was in jail - like in '98. I still have a few drinks of course..." Tommy chuckles, raising his shot glass. "... but as for anything else, not anymore,"
"Fuck, it's like no matter where I go, I'm always gonna be outnumbered regarding the whole Kiss thing," I say with a chuckle.
"Well, as I remember, I never understood why you blasted some ehem, Motley, when you were like by yourself on the bus, but then didn't like Kiss. Like what's the logic there?" Dime says and I look at him wide eyed realizing he spilled my secret that I never told Tommy.
"Wait, what was that?" Tommy smirks after he downs his shot that Dime had poured.
"I hate you," I joke through clenched teeth looking right at Dime and he just smirks and gives me a wink.
"Yea little Andi here fuckin' would always play your Shout record thinking no one heard her but we all could hear it," Dime chuckles and I wanted to reach across the bar and smack him - in a sisterly playful way of course.
"Babe?" Tommy chuckles and I was afraid to look at him but as I glance back, I see that charming smile and a flattered humble expression spreads across his face.
"Ok, when I was like 14 I um, got your Shout At The Devil record. It was like one of the first records that like, ever bought with my own money. I played it so much and so loud my mom would scream at me to turn it off. So like yea, I loved that record. Now can I crawl into a hole and die?" I say then down my shot that Dime poured and Tommy laughs, then grabs my face with his palms and places his lips on mine, lingers for a few moments then moves to my earlobe and says
"You are so fuckin' sexy when you're embarassed," His voice low and husky.
"Shut up," I giggle and Tommy laughs as Dime pours us another round, then one for himself.
"Jeezus are you tryin' to get me drunk here?" I ask with a laugh.
"Um, have we met? You know this is what we do sweetie," Dime chuckles with a smirk.
"I know, but - "
"But what? You wanna quit?" Dime raises his eyebrow.
"I'm Irish, we don't quit until the whiskey's gone," I say with a sly smirk and Tommy laughs.
"Oh hell yea baby!" Tommy laughs with a clap of his hands and I down the shot and set the glass on the bar.
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The Jonicles - Entry 20
It is currently the 31st of July, 2022 at 2:49 pm. Yesterday night, I went to go see an awesome school play that a friend of mine was in, and it's based off a movie about a shoe salesman taking his uncle on a trip to Monte Carlo for $6 million. It was a great time! It is also day #73 of my Jon Arbuckle hyperfixation.
Wow, my 20th entry in this series! That's... pretty impressive! But it's pretty shocking that there's only 20 so far, it really feels like there's been a whole lot more considering we're almost halfway to day fuckin' 80, Jesus! But it's exciting, and it's right in time for quite a special topic (i swear i say that in every other entry)...
You see that strip I have displayed up there? It may looks unremarkable to you; it's just a regular old Garfield strip. You may recognise the time it was published, and you may even have some memories associated with this strip, whether you grew up reading it in Garfield comic books or have simply seen it before. And those observations are all fine and dandy, but there's something else about this strip that I want you to focus on. Got an idea?
It's about the man. Not Jon, but the man standing right beside him. That unfamiliar yet also familiar looking man who can be seen petting Garfield incorrectly. He kind of looks like a member of The Beatles, but he also kind of looks like... someone else. Someone that I've definitely seen before many times... But this person is different, way different.
That person, fellow reader, is known simply as Frank, and this strip, published on the 23rd of January, 1980, is his first and only* debut in the Garfield canon. He looks pretty unremarkable, right? Just a normal one-off character created specifically for a punchline that would never been seen again.
Or, at least, that's what he'd like you to think, for I have a theory, a very dark theory that this man is the culprit. The culprit of what, you ask? This man is the one who KIDNAPPED Lyman and caused his tragic disappearance, FRAMING Jon by controlling the media to say that it was HIM who had Lyman locked in his basement and getting away with it! It was all him, I tell you! HIM!!
So you're probably thinking "That's fucking insane, Jeremy, what the fuck". Some of you may even have your finger hovering threateningly over the call button for the Funny Farm. But hear me out! I have some reasons for why I think Frank is at least suspicious at best, and a cold-hearted kidnapper at worst! But before I get straight to the crazy bits, let's at least start by providing more context, yeah?
Lyman, God bless his soul, has been missing for 30 or so years, his last regular appearance being in 1983 before he stopped appearing in person altogether in 1998, only seeming to exist in the memory of the ones who were compassionate and worried enough to remember our fallen hero, lingering solemnly in the fog of our brains like a troubled ghost. From then, he's been mentioned from time to time by Davis, one time even providing funny reasons for Lyman's disappearance. Keep this list of reasons in mind, we're going to need them later.
For years, Lyman was completely absent, as if he never existed in the first place, and slowly over the years, more people started to notice, and more people began to ask why, with the worst of them possibly being Jon himself, as without Lyman, Jon's descent into mental instability became more and more apparent. Then, on the 14th of September 2012, after years and years after our beloved mustached fellow slipped away from between the panels of the strip, we got an answer, and it was called 'Long Lost Lyman', a four part special episode of 'The Garfield Show'.
You've probably seen the episode by now. Jon watches a show about this cryptid called the Zabadu, he and Odie reminise about Lyman, then they go on a search for him and eventually find the bloke. So problem solved, right? We finally got the answer we've all been waiting for. Lyman is perfectly fine and dandy, he's just been lovingly cosplaying as a creature on some place in my home country for years, and we finally got to see our boy again... right?
There's a theory many Garfield fans have about this episode, and it's that the Lyman seen in this episode of The Garfield Show... isn't actually Lyman. And listen! The two of them look COMPLETELY different! I went onna tangent about this in Entry 17, but I SWEAR, that man isn't Lyman! And the most telling thing is the eye shape. There's no way in Hell that you can fool me into thinking that this "Lyman" fellow is the man we knew and still love to this very day, no! You cannot convince me! That man is a FAKE, a PHONEY, an IMPOSTOR! That's not Lyman, that's... That's Liquid Lyman!
What does any of this have to do with Frank? Well, probably nothing, but I have my suspicions...
We all know Lyman disappeared in the early 80s, and guess who decides to show up three whole years before Lyman stopped showing up? Frank. And there's something about him that, you could say, "rubs me the wrong way". Look at how similar he looks to Lyman! If you took away Lyman's facial hair, he would look pretty darn close to ol' Franky here, wouldn't he? Frank looks so similar to Lyman, in fact, that when I remembered reading this strip as a child, I had completely forgotten about Frank and replaced him with Lyman in my head. And maybe you could chalk that up to a simple misremembering, but that really says a lot about Frank's similarities to Lyman, doesn't it? Almost as if he was trying to... replace him?
Oh yeah. I'm going there. Frank, you are mighty suspicious. Why else would you just casually show up unannounced and just happen to also be Jon's friend? You know that spot was already filled, yet you waltz into Jon's living space with your suspiciously Lyman-looking haircut. But you made one mistake, and that was laying your hand on Garfield in the first place. You made one crucial mistake that not even Lyman could make: petting Garfield incorrectly. And that brings me into my next point!
I have a sneaking suspicion that Garfield had a sneaking suspicion about Frank's sneaking suspiciousness! You see, the punchline Garfield lays on the strip, that last yuk Davis often relies on to get a chuckle of out of a reader, is a message. Frank not only pet Garfield wrong (choosing to stroke Garfield near the tail, a place of discomfort and irritation for many cats), but there was something so undeniably wrong about him that Garfield felt endangered. Cats typically will only attack people like that if they feel incredibly threatened, endangered or afraid, and compared to how Garfield beats up Jon, only really giving him a slap or a couple of scratches, Garfield REALLY fucked Frank up, proving that Garfield felt really threatened by Frank's presence. So, "Some people rub me the wrong way" could be seen as a... zeugma? Do I have the right word? Wait, is it a zeugma or a pun? Probably actually a pun... Or maybe it's neither of those and I have no idea what I'm talking about and you should ignore me. But regardless! Garfield's statement has two meanings, and he knows something's up with Frank. And right he is. All you'd have to do is to look into Frank's eyes to get the answer.
No, seriously. Look at Frank's eyes in the last panel! They're completely different! Do you see how they have a bulging circular shape like Jon's? How they have white bits? Something funny's going on, and it's with Frank's eyes, man. And I'm ruling out the possibility of Frank's suddenly changed eyes is simply an expression of pain or suprise, look at the second panel. That is the expression characters with dotted eyes make when they are shocked, and just look at Lyman or Irma, they do it too! Oh yeah, Frank does do this, but that doesn't explain how the biology and shape of his eyes completely shifted and transformed! Garfield must've fucked Frank up good to do THAT amount of damage that Frank's eyes changed completely! Eyes don't just... do that! Which means that Frank was either scratched up so badly by Garfield that his eye shape changed, or Frank was wearing a disguise!
I mean, there is a butler in the August 20th 1981 strip who looks suspiciously very, very close to Frank, say for the hair being slightly different. In fact, this bit of info is even referenced on the Garfield wiki in a list of minor characters, Frank being one of them! And considering the eerie, borderline inhuman anomaly that is Frank's eyes suddenly shifting, I'm willing to bet that the butler is actually Frank, and that he has been stalking Jon and Garfield on their way to this random unnamed vacation spot. I bet he doesn't even work there officially, he just showed up one day to get back at Jon by poisoning that burger he's eating. Scum.
So... With all that said, you're probably still wondering what all of this shit has to do with Lyman being kidnapped. Well, remember when I mentioned that Jim Davis provided comedic reasons as to why Lyman disappeared from the strip? Well, this has a lot of importance, because the very last one mentioned is, and I quote, "Don't look in Jon's basment!". This is quite a popular line that a lot of fans like to attribute to Jon kidnapping Lyman and trapping him in his basement, and while Jon indeed does have a basement (he even tripped down its stairs once in a strip), Jon wasn't the one who trapped poor ol' Lyman down there! No, Jon would never! Jon may be a little off the deep end when it comes to his mental state, and Jon does indeed have a kill count from when he ran over that mime, but Jon going as far as to kidnap his own best friend and keep him trapped in his basement? Absurd! In fact, I'd like to briefly talk about another piece of Garfield media that many have cited when it comes to the topic of Lyman, and that's a flash game called Garfield's Spooky Scavenger Hunt.
In this game, you play as Garfield to retrieve donuts from a spooky mansion for a prize. Right outside the mansion, you can find poor Jon shivering outside in the cold, and he looks to be in a near catatonic state. He's sitting in the fetal positon, and his face is one of both fear and absolute shock. His eyes are wide, unblinking and almost listless, and you can tell the poor guy has seen some shit. And what shit has Jon seen? Why, he saw his own best friend Lyman trapped inside the basment, of course! When you interact with Jon, he'll give you some tips, including the fact that Lyman likes muffins. From there, it can be inferred that Jon was terrified out of the mansion and sits outside, afraid of what lies beneath... And what lies beneath is FRANK! And you know why!? Because Lyman can be found in several different states thoughtout the game! Alive, held captive, and then DEAD, his decapitated head stuffed in an oven! And ON TOP of that, I'd go as far as to say that this game secretly hides the story of Lyman's dissappearance caused by FRANK HIMSELF! First, Frank kidnapped Lyman and took him to a spooky scary mansion, luring him in with his.... manipulation and DRUGGING him, starving him and cooking him! The man's a cannibal! The man's a FREAK!
But how did he escape detection! Well my friend, Frank, in a twist of pure backstabbery, went and FRAMED poor innocent Jon Arbuckle! Frank was still in that mansion, which is why Lyman ended up dead so quickly and why Jon was so scared of going in there, because he was afraid of FRANK!!!! FURHTHER MORE! Frank got that misinformation out to Jim Davis himself and spread the lies and anti-Jon propaganda, then fled to Australia to become the Zabadu to cover up Lyman's disappearance! It- It all makes sense!! Too much sense!! And there is no reason I should have my doubts, I mean- I mean- HOW do you explain Lyman's eyes??? in the cartoon????? That's not Lyman!!!! How would that ever be Lyman!?!?!? But unluckily for Frank, people found out about the Zabadu, and when Jon finally found """Lyman""", Frank had to act like him in order to FOOL poor Jon, poor manipulatable Jon, and we've never seen the bloke since. Even now, Frank could be planning his evil scummy plans to KILL Jon and finally obtain Odie and Garfield!! I'm onto something, I KNOW I'm onto something! Frank, Frank, I know what you did, and I won't let this information go to waste. Frank, you are a monster, a freak, a cannibal and a murderer. You will face retribution for your actions eventually, and Lyman will finally see the light...
Alright, alright, that's enough. All stupid corny jokes aside, I really do find Frank quite suspicious. The way his appearances have always been quite mysterious to me, his eye shifting thing, and how Liquid Lyman exists are all very suspicous, but because of a lack of evidence, it's inconclusive. But who knows, maybe Frank did do it, and maybe Davis is sitting shaking his fist at his desk yelling "Darn! I thought he'd never find it out!", but that seems pretty unlikely. I think we all just miss Lyman that we come up with all these crazy stories as to where he went, and really, we all just want closure.
Feel free to adopt this silly Frankspiracy theory of mine. I like thinking about it just because of how silly it is and how weird Frank seems. I've got my eyes on you, Frank...
Last edited at 5:48 pm. Still don't know what a zeu-whatsit it.
Local idiot goes insane over fictional character, creates new conspiracy theory and ends up in an asylum
Cheers,
Your Local Jonnoisseur
Posted on the 31st of July, 2022 at 6:06 pm.
#jonicles 20#went crazy oops#frank is mad sus though#i got my eyes on you FRANK#gosh#and no it wasnt a pun either
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Q: Hank how does a typical American useless purple pilled idiot act during an election year in which there's a strong change the country could go read
A: They make a lot of huffing and puffing about how the candidates for the Democrats aren't good the Democrats did this to themselves freedom is on the line and a big show of trying to show themselves to be independent thinkers, which is how you know they actually aren't thinking at all, because 100 million bored housewives are doing the exact same thing as them
but yes always with this sort of paranoid and anxious display that omg they aren't some tool
meanwhile they precisely are the Most Obviously a Tool in the whole toolshed -- in very good company, company of 100 million other useless idiots squawking like chickens to the slaughter
and what do the capitalists who control our government precisely want to produce and what precisely did they produce?
these 100 million chickens of course
Elon is using twitter to produce more of them
this is constantly the squawking, the paranoid fear of the 'deep state' that Elon is putting up there
Q: Yes hank, we know, we get it, we're idiots who took the purple pill while you took the green pill, do you have to rub it in
A: yes i do have to rub it in because i don't like being in a nation of weak cucks. that's exactly right, and being purple pilled idiots this squawking is exactly how you show you're typical and a chicken
Q: so how do the democrats ever win any elections then with these dumb clucks acting like that
A: Oh cuz they won't act like that after a republican has been in charge for 4 or 8 years. then they'll finally see what they are for a brief moment and clucking stupidly and squabbling for the other side of the football field, they'll weakly phone in a vote no matter HOW SHITTY the candidate is -- which is how biden got elected
does that makes sense? These people are the weakest link of america -- just like family guy said, undecided voters are the biggest idiots in America -- and i think that also goes for sort of weak ass noncommittal equivocating 'CLUCK CLUCK SQUAWK ELON HAS FEARS SQAUAWK PROTECT THE CAPITALISTS LIKE A USEFUL IDOIT CLUCK CLUCK CLUCK A NICE BALANCE OF RED AND BLUE SQUAWK SO THE AMERICAN CAPITALIST CAN DOMINATE FOREVER FOR MARKETS DO BEST WHEN PEOPLE DONT FEEL STRONGLY ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SQUAWK AND WHEN THEY CLUCK AND CONFUSE THE SITUATION INTO BLUBBERY FROTHY APATHY SQUAWK LIKE AMERICA IS
Q: So in simple terms Hank we're all stupid Americans and will never learn -- we didn't learn when you were explaining this 20 years ago and never will and the supply of purple pilled chickens is endless juST KISS HANK KEEP IT SIMPLE FOR STUPIDS
k
If the President is Republican, especially after 8 years: the dumb clucks will shut the fuck up about their anxiety about the Democrats and the anxietiy about everyone being under Democratic control and the FEAR OF A BLACK PLANET and vote for one and then they'll just sort of meekly be like wow we have to really get it done just anybody please please to get that Republican out of office
If the President is Democrat, especially after 8 years: the dumb clucks will really frantically squawk about how omg the democrats would have it forever the deep state omg we're so cluck cluck scared our freedom cluck cluck show we're free we're free chickens in this henhouse god cluck it cluck cluck clucuk and will basically toss the vote -- they will either stay home and not vote, or silently vote blue after voicing their paranoid fears and concerns which will be enough to make it Republican
this is how it always goes and why American capitalists dance with glee and why inequality shoots up -- for noncomittal to either political party is best for the billionaires and wall street, which is why they promoted this, cucked everyone and cluck cluck cluck away
i have zero respect for chickens
if i were to have sex with a chicken that would be disgusting and i am fundamentally not sexually attracted to purple people, the 'biggest idiots in America' per Family Guy and absolutely cowards
Q: hank still too complicated we're dumb americas
A: k
IF THE CURRENT PRESIDENT IS BLUE -- CLUCK CLUCK FEAR BLUE PRESIDENT AGAIN = RED PRESIDENT!
IF THE CURRENT PRESIDENT IS RED -- CLUCK CLUCK ITS BEEN HELL FOREVER WE'LL TAKE ANYONE VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! HES OUR GUY = RED PRESIDENT!
this is how the american chicken operates, kids
and now you know how stupid and what a dumb cluck -- for i reiterate, this is precisely the situation the American capitalist and Wall Street deliberately attempt to induce -- what a dumb
purple-pilled
hopelessly blind
stupid
and
ignorant
and
childish
cuck
the American purple-pilled purple people eater brick in the wall of the machine
truly fucking is
is it tragic? is it comic? i'm not sure
i just know it is
CUCKED
and that these people are
COWARDS ABSOLUTE COWARDS WITH NO STRONG CONVICTION ABSOLUTE PUFFERS JUST LOOKING FLOAT IN THE OCEAN AND MAYBE BE EASILY SNATCHED ON UP WHEN THE CAPITALIST DEMANDS SOME FRESH MEAT TO MAN THE MACHINE
Babycuck, Babybro, and Babydad are all useful idiots for the machine
Babybruce has the conviction of a true red person tho
Almost I can respect Babybruce more for at least having the willpower to be a red rooster trying to henpeck everyone else to death from the right instead of the standard issue dumb cluck
i mean that's the best shot at manhoot Babybruce knows how to do
awww
i mean at least he's trying to be a man, the others don't even try
i guess the fact that Babybruce tries is why he was prob the most sexual appealing
he gave it the ole college try but as an idiot American, never got further than angry red rooster to distinguish himself from the rest of the dumb clucks who yearn to be stuck in the henhouse INFINITELY
i don't yearn for that
quite the opposite
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