#LITERALLY WHYYYYY DID YOU RECORD THIS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dinitride-art · 9 months

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Au fics that i think are neat and that i want to compile into a list because im trying to figure out how to comment on a chapter of a fic but i need time to sort out my thoughts (usually for fic recs i try to rec fics with less kudos/engagement because reasons but im just gonna throw everything in this list. probably multiple fics by the same author in the same universe because thats the one im trying to sort out my thoughts on.)

the strawberries are dying by eggowlss - historical fiction and very interesting character relationships and also character exploration within the time period. I really like this one because the pacing and tone are very gentle. There’s a srt of ebb and flow to the story that makes both the time period and the characters really fit into it. idk how to describe it i just like it a lot.

in the quiet of the night (acswy ao3 series) - they’re putting those characters in situations. It’s a very good time. 10/10 do recommend. If you haven't heard of this one though, it’s basically a modern au where everyone works at a summer camp and Mike and Will cause problems for themselves, each other, and usually everyone else around them.

si vis amari, ama by perexcri - demons and angels and heaven and hell and its honestly just one hell of a story. like ive got vivid images in my head of scenes i imagined when reading this.

you start to kiss (and the record skips) by eclipseadventure - this is a band au with a side of a secret relationship and im a sucker for secret relationships. a bit of drama/high stakes in here too which is always pretty fun.

End Racism on the OTW! - you and me and the horrible teenaged ghost who keeps eviscerating himself in our apartment makes three by TheWrongKindOfPC - i am also a sucker for buzzfeed unsolved aus. buzzfeed unsolved, hauntings, ghosts, yknow the fun stuff.

into the daylight by andiwriteordie - THIS IS NOT THE FIRST ONE, it’s just the first one that came up in my bookmarks. anyways, this is the second fic in a fantasy au series. The worldbuilding is really cool and there’s magic and history and politics and i like it a lot. the most recent chapter is spinning around in my mind.

the heartbreak prince by andiwriteordie - THIS IS THE FIRST ONE.

beneath these boughs, my devotion blooms by perexcri - this is the fic that nearly killed me. i literally cant summarize it because im still recovering from what happened to me when i read it. Did i read it in april? Maybe. Listen, it had me asking questions about things i had never considered before. its 11k but im pretty sure it took me a good few hours to read because it made me think about it so much. again, ive got a bunch of visuals running through my head. its just... so much.

sweetheart, you're so cruel by perexcri - Mike’s in a band, Will’s a music snob, they’re both contemplating their life choices. very fun, very interesting, also made me think about some things.

keep it hush by wiseatom - theres an amusement park and the horrors of customer service. and some other stuff but basically its pretty bright (the visuals of the fic in my head are bright- like sun glinting off metal- and idk how else to describe it)

the start of an age by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - this ones funny and serious at times and its got Max in it. fantasy au with prince will and knight mike and a secret relationship and a small scheme between three parties that involves a fake (ish) marriage.

superhero therapy by silverluminoqity - spiderman au with a side of trauma and healing? it’s complicated theres stuff happening, i had a good time reading it.

you've got this spell on me by andiwriteordie - this one was really fun. basically its a fantasy au theres magic and mike gets himself hit with a spell that makes him fall in love with will and will freaks out about it for a while.

Daydream by disaster_energy - i really really liked this fic. its a fantasy au and its got gods and stuff and will gets chosen by the moon goddess because hes Will and everyone is like... woah.

takes one to know one by andiwriteordie - i also liked this one a lot, its a superhero au and its got ironic (like... dramatic irony- i think is what im talking about? maybe? but like fun irony) secret identities.

Love goes 'round by evil_ontheinside - conversations in a laundry mat. mikes flopping (as in, flopping around like a fish) around a bit and this was pretty cute.

my promise could be your fiend (could be the smallest of signs) by s0ld_it - spider man au, theres a bookstore involved and a lot of stuff. ive read this fic twice and greatly enjoyed it both times.

Tip-toeing on Lily-pads by cherryisgone - very very fun, fantasy au and... mike gets cursed to be a frog. can only be un-cursed with a kiss.

filling in the blanks as we go by delusionaltogether (Whyyyyy) - bookstore meetcute

there’s more but i spent all day painting my room and i am tired. Ive also got way too many bookmarks to go through and i have decided to stop here. still haven't figured out how to write that comment (but i am working on it because i love the fi(s) and ive been thinking about one specific thing that came up in a new chapter for so long). anyways, i hope someone enjoys this list of au fics from my bookmarks.

#byler #fic rec

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 1 year

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WE WELCOME YOU BACK TO KNOX REACTS TO MONKIE KID EPISODES BECAUSE SOMEHOW WE’RE STILL DOING THIS AND PEOPLE ENJOY READING MY SCREAMING (though to be fair I would still be doing this if no one was reading these simply because I need to scream out at least 70% of my hype here or I’ll make strange dying fish noises when I watch the episodes with my brothers and we can’t have THAT-)

Today is Monkie Kid Season 4 Episode 9, and OH BOY I THOUGHT I WAS DOING GOOD BEING PRETTY CHILL BUT THEN MY BRO PUT ON MONKIE KID EPS WHILE I WAS IN THE KITCHEN AND THE HYPE IS RIGHT BACK

OKAY

okay

I can be cool and chill

I cannot be cool and chill

No theme song on this recording either ;-; i MISS THE THEME SONG BUT I AM SO GRATEFUL TO THE PEOPLE THAT RECORDED THESE EPISODES, NOTHING BUT APPRECIATION FOR THEM

okay i broke and went and watched theme song on another episode because i missed it-

AND OKAY LETS GET STARTED

GOSH I LOVE THE THEME SONG

OKAY

OOOHHH DBK’S PLACE

WE’RE AT THE DB FAM’S PLACE LETS GO

ROAST OF THE MONKEY KIDS

OKAYGBDFLKM

OKAY WAIT

HECK LEMME CONSIDER THAT TITLE FOR A SECOND

Roast of the monkey kids, either they’re gonna get beat real bad OR HECK I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS THOUGHT OR ITS THE SELF-PROCLAIMED GREATEST SHIFU OF ALL TIME ROASTING THEM DURING TRAINING THAT WOULD BE FUNNYGHLDKFJAWOEFM

Okay okay lets get started I can already tell i’ma scream

SHUT UUUUUPPPPPP

AZURE CAME TO FIND THE DBK

FR BRO

I AM CONCERNED FOR HIS SAFTEY IS HE GONNA GET IMPRISOENED T-

A H N A H

YOU DO N O T HAVE SWK’S SCROLL PIECE TIED TO YOUR BELT LIKE THAT YOU FUZZY BURNT TOAST

THAT FILLS ME WITH RAGE YOU GUYS

IS HE GONNA TELL DBK WHAT HAPPENED TO SWK??

IS DBK GONNA REACT TO THAT??

HECK EHCK EHCK

THE WAY I GASPED

BRUH REALLY SHOWED UP AND

BEAT UP DBK’S FAM

RED SON NOOOOO

OH WOW REALY GOT ALL THOSE WEAPONS POINTED AT PRINCESS IRON FAN HECK BRO

GET OFF OF MY BOIIIIII

I WANT TO SEE DBK SLAM AZURE THROUGH A WALL BUT I DOUBT THAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN SADLY HECK

HECK

YEAH HOW DARE YOU SHOW UP AND ASSULT HIS FAMILY

Azure: um, i only did it because y’all would’ve disagreed with me :(

SQUARE UP BURNT MOLDY TOAST

WHEEZING

OKAY

WE REALLY SHOWING HOW DELUSIONAL THIS GUY IS HUH

LETS GO

BIG FAN OF THAT

MY GOSH

THEY REALLY WENT TO FIND DBK THO

AZURE IS THE WORST Y’ALL

oh oh bet he won’t go get Macaque tho *CACKLES*

WHEEZING

OH MY GOSH I’M JUST WHEEZING AT EVERY LINE AZURE SAYS WHAT THE HECK BRO

HE FR PULLED THE “THEY GUY I USED TO KNOW-“ LIKE MACAQUE DID TO WUKONG FOR A WHILE THERE HECK THATS SO FUNNY BUT WHEREAS MACAQUE HAS THIS GRRRRRR AZURE CONTINUES TO BE ALL SELF RIGHTEOUS AND TRYIGN TO SOUND INSPIRATIONAL AND LIKE HE’S FIGHTING FOR JUSTICE, BOI YOU JUST COMING ACROSS AS WEIRDO

WOW

LOOK WHO’S TALKING CELESTIAL GUY

HE’S ALL

“tHe BeAsT hAs BeEn cHaRmEd bY a CeLeStIaL mAiDa-“ JUST SHUT UR FACE BRO MANS GOT SOMETHING SO AGAINST THE CELESTIALS WHEN HE HIMSELF IS ONE OF THEM AND STRAIGHT UP DOES PIF LOOK LIKE SHE WORKS FOR THEM ANYMORE??? HER HAIR IS LITERALLY DONE UP IN THE SHAPE OF BULL HORNS WDYM MAN

also I can’t believe I actually wanna fistfight him for taking trash about PIF who have i becomebnG;LKAMEFW

sO TRUE

DON’T EVEN LOOK AT HER YOU BLUE GUMBALL

I DISLIKE HIM STRONGLY

PLEASE DBK YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO ONESHOT THIS GUY WHYYYYY

Actually I do love how dedicated to each other DBK and PIF are, genuinely. Not the best parents in the world but I still enjoy their dynamic

AZURE YOU’RE SO ANNOYINGBFL;DSMFWE

also wait h

so here’s a question where has azure been??? talking like he’s been gone as long as Peng and Yellow Tusk, but like… where were you at bro?? In the scroll?? if so, who let you out??

HELPGNL;SAMDFAWE

SUBSERVIENT TO THE MONKEY KINGFLKDSMFOAWEF

I’M DYINGNDS;KLMFWEF

I’m also not funny losing it over the fact he has Monkey King’s scroll piece tied to his belt get out of my house

NAH BUT THE WAY HE’S TALKIGN TO DBK

SIR??? HE ACTUALLY HASNT’ CHANGED ALL THAT MUCH MY GUY

oh YEAH EXCELLENT

GET EM

NOOOOO

I KNEW IT

HECK

PIF

“my love”

PARDON?????

ACTUALLY WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO GHDSFNA;WEMF

OH MAN

HECK BRO

SHE REALLY GOT IN FRONT OF THAT HUH

HECK

HOLY HECK BRO THIS IS

HECK THIS IS SO DRAMATIC

RED SON CRYING

sorry i think its funny there was no red son reaction to PIF but then his dad gets snatched and he’s crying WE’RE FINE FOLKS

I don’t

I don’t have an emoji for the face i just made

THE BROKEN EXPRESSION??? THE “son-“

EXCUSE ME??

DBK FAM??

OH MY GODS??????

;A;

AAAAAAAAAA

WHAT THE HECK BROOOOOO

GOSH DANG

NEVER GET IN A BROSHIP WITH AZURE MANS IS SO DANG CONTROLLING HUH

SORRY I’M LIKE

ANALYZING CHARACTERS INBETWEEN MY EMOTIONAL DEVESTATION WHY DID THAT WHOLE SEQUENCE HURT??? MY SOUL???

DBK FAM???

HECK

RED SOONNNN

BUDDY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY R U N

also wait is he g-

and this gents is where we find out if Azure is biased towards monkey king or not because he was nice to Mk I’m just saying- what am I saying ofc he’s biased

OHHHH

THE MESSANGER

INTERESTING OKAY

so well I mean i still know he’s biased

just cause he seemed so desperate for Mk to understand and not be hurt and all that but he’ll beat the crap outta red son and his fam like dang

ALSO HECK FR WHERE DID AZURE COME FROM??? DID HE ESCAPE THE SCROLL WHEN MONKEY KNG WENT IN ?? AND HOW CAN HE CONTROL IT SO GOOD?? HAS HE BEEN TRYING TO FIGURE THAT OUT FOR THE LAST COUPLE THOUSAND YEARS???

aww

AWWWWW

PENG MENTIONED MACAQUE <3 THAT’S SO SWEET

I LOVE THAT ACTUALLY

LOOK HOW DRAMATIC PENG IS WHEN HE SAYS THAT PLEASENGLKSMF

Yellow Tusk: dbk was our last hope Peng: I MEAN THER’ES MACAQUE TOO-

Seriously you guys I think Peng thinks Macaque is cool and is trying to be cool and detached too but is leaning to far into the mean side of it HGLKSJAF

I KNOW I’M PROBABLY WRONG I JUST THINK ITS SO FREAKING FUNNY IF THAT’S WHAT IT IS

CAUSE HE’S THE ONLY ONE TO MENTION HIM, TALK TO HIM OR REALLY BRING HIM UP Y’KNOW?

Granted he’s only shown up twice but i’MJUST SAYING

Nah fr it’d be so funny if Peng found him in ten seconds and saw him snoring on a couch or something and went “ah never mind OH MAN CAN’T FIND THE MAN ANYWHERE W H O O P S”

Cause he genuinely doesn’t want them there, either cause he actually dislikes him or he doesn’t want to see him dragged into the scroll

LOOK AT HIS FACE AFTER HE SAYS THAT I’M JUST SAYING GUYS HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S LYINGNFKDL;MFWE

LIKE DANG THE MANS REALLY GONNA USE THE CURSE THAT HIS BROS GOT TRAPPED IN TO TRAP THE VERY GUYS WHO PUT THEM THERE Y’KNOW

I’D SAY POWER MOVE BUT I’D LIKE TO DECK HIM SO GHSDLFKJAWEF

OH HECK WE’RE WITH THE CREWWWWWWW

I get the feeling we’re not gonna get much of Mk in this ep RED SOOONNNNNNN HECK HE’S GOING TO TALK TO THE CELESTIALS WILL HE BE OKAUY??? HECK

Oh i love how they’ve each got personalized unifromsOH MY GODS SANDY’S WEARING A SHIRT

SCREAMS

BOTH ARMS ARE COVERED

WHAT IS HAPPENING

SCREAMS

also wow

wow

thats

quite the

open chested

MHM THAT’S QUITE THE

WHO DREW THAT

I JUST WANNA TALKGHSDFNAWEF JOKING JOKING

OKAY

Yeah Tang with his scarf, Mei with her SLEEVES RIPPED RIGHT OFF

APPROVED

HEY

HEY DON’T HIT MY GIRL IN THE HEAD

SQUARE UP FOOL

GOSH DANG

But dang they really leaning into the hit peoples heads with his stick character bit huh hGSKDJFS

Tang looks so happy eating those noodles tho heck ;-;

TANG GETS SLAMMED TOO???

MANS WAS JUST TRYING TO GET MEI TO RELAX AND EAT SOME NOODLESJGLKSFEW

PIGSY AND TANG’S EXPRESSIONS PLEASELKMGS;AOFKAMWE

Tang stress eats ;-; holds him so gently love this guy he stress eats and Pigsy’s love language is food iM COOL ABOUT EVERYTHING AT ALL TIEMS AS YOU CAN SEE

HELPGMDSFL;AWEF

MEI

The three oldies are all depressed and really feeling useless and Mei’s just NODDING yup uh huh you are that’s how it be get well soon </3

SHE AND MK WERE SO DEVASTATING TO TANG THIS SEASON PLEASEJLKMGDSF

sheer power and L U C K

I mean he’s got a point there- HG;SLAKJDFS

if they so unstoppable how’d they get beat the first time-

OH MAN I LOVE HOW NOW WE’RE GETTING MORE AZURE’S EYES SHADOWED AND STUFF

LIKE VISUALLY LOOK HERE’S THE GUY WHO’S NTO TO BE TRUSTED RN

They’re posing him like an antagonist more, well even villain posing just with camera angles and stuff too

anyway moving on

HELPGMSLDFMSD

Mei just

unaffected by this

like dang ohh noooo another lectureeee… which i totally care abouuuuuttt…. daaaaang JGL;KSDJFSAF

WHY DOES SHE GET SO OFFENDED WHEN PEOPLE CALL HER IMPULSIVE PLEASELMGS;OF

WHY YOU GOTTA CALL OUT TANGS ANKLES LIKE THAT HGSFLJSD

HE BETTER NOT BASH SANDY FOR BEING A PACIFIST, OR ALL PASS THIS FIST RIGHT THROUGH YOUR RIB CAGE- sorry i couldnt’ think of something clever there but the pass this fist and pacifist was a good opening ;-;7

TOO STUBBORN TO SEE THE TRUTH?? YEAH?? OKAY WHAT TRUTH WHICH ONE?? THAT HE’S MK’S DAD?? THAT HE WAS ZHU BAJIE ONCE UPON A TIME?? ACTUALLY I WASN’T SURE WHAT HE WAS GOING TO SAY TO PIGSY BUT I MIGHT BE A FAN OF THAT ONE I WANT MORE PIGSY ARC PLS I BEG OF YOU

OH MY GODS

PLS

LOOK AT THAT SMILE

HELLO

BELOVED

I AM OKAY WITH THIS OUTCOME 10/10

GETS A STAR

GUYS PLEASE DON’T LOOK SO MURDEROUS HELPGNMSD;LKFMA

MAN LOVE THAT

ACTUALLY OKAY ASIDE FROM THE HITTING ANYONE MIDLY HYPERACTIVE OVER THE HEAD I’M LOVING THIS GUY

OH FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN

THE MOUNTAIN OF FLOWERS AND FRUITS

MKKKKKKK

I DIDN’T THINK WE’D SEE HIM THIS EP

I SWEAR IF MACAQUE JSUT SHOWS UP-

MACAQUE’S GONNA SHOW UP RIGHT??

IT’D BE SO FUNNY IF HE WS LIVING ON FLOWER FRUIT MOUNTAIN FOR NO REASON NOW

JSUT OOP VACANCY HAVEN’T HEARD WUKONG IN A WHILE I’MA MOVE IN

IT’D BE SO FUNNYGBDFLSKM

also heck mah boi ;-;

pondering moment looking at the sunset

OH PLEAS E

HIS FACE

THE SOFT KINDA STILL NOT OKAY VOICE

DANG MK’S VOICE ACTOR NAILED THAT LINE ACTUALLY HECK

HE’S JUST

HECK DUDE

THAT ONE FRAME

BRUH

JUST

;-;

i’m fine i swear

THE WAY I GASPED

WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS

AND OH YEAH

THEY GOT

SNATCHED

BRUH THAT HURTS MY SOUL THANKS

BUT OH MAN LOOK AT THIS LITTLE MONKEY COMING TO SAY HI

if its macaque disguised i’ll laugh but i doubt it is

HGL;SDF

HECK MAN

won’t even touch him ;-; goes to reach out his hand and say hi and just

doesn’t touch

goes back to looking away

and da monkey just ;-;

heck dude they’re doing a good job showing Mk’s mental state rn well done

AND BACK TO THE CREWWWW LEGOOOOO

WORN DOWN CHISELED AND DEFINED

BET

I WONDER IF THEY’LL ACTUALLY RETAIN ANYTHING THEY’RE ABOUT TO LEARN GHSDLFJSDF

I’M LAUGHING

YOU KNOW WHAT YEAH

SANDY’S BELOVED

HE KNOWS WHO HE IS AND WHAT HE STANDS FOR AND IS ABSOLUTELY RIPPED

NO CHISELING NEEDED GJSLH;FKJSEF

i can’t help but feel he’s trying to et a rise out of the rest of them tho that’s so many stars hGLKASJDF

then again I too would give sandy as many stars as he wanted

Tang: i know my issue is my self confidence

Shifu [i’m not confident spelling his name yet i haven’t seen it the way they pronounce it here]: WRONG ITS YOUR COMPLETE LACK OF SKILL

LITERALLY EVERYBODY COMING FOR TANG THIS SEASON PLEASEJGLKM;ADSFS

MANS DESTROYING HIM PLEASELMG;SFAMEWFLSDF

TANG ON THE FLOOR DRAMTICALLY PLEASELK;MGSOEF

THE OTHERS IN THE BACKGROUND BALANCING GKLSDJFS

Tang just looking for some positive reinforcement please- HGHDFKLJSDF

IS HE REALLY PRAISING THE MONK FOR SELF-ISOLATING HIMSELF AND STRUGGLING WITH HUMAN CONNECTION??? HELPGM??

NO HE’S LEGIT SAYINGNDSLMKSDF

HELPG;SLDFKMSADF

FRIEDNSHIP TRIVIAL

THAT’S NOT

SUPER HEALTHY TO THINK

WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS TELLING THE CREW THAT CONNECTIONS AND FRIENDS ARE BAD PLEASELKMGOSFMAS

Oh that’s nice

Okay so he’s not like COMPLETELY bashing friendship, thank you sorry Shifu should have trusted ya more there

oh i actually vocally went “aww”

Thats nice there’s some positive reinforcement OH I LOVE THAT THO

Like your past self took a long time to learn friends good, so you overcompensated in this life and now its all friends and nothing else and you gotta find a balance there I am actually kinda a fan of that take ngl

BUT YEAH MANS GOT A STAR PLSSSS

You know what okay yes, Shifu go brrrr, we got a little positive reinforcement and now i see what he’s doing he’s just correcting the overcorrection a bit being like BALANCE PEOPLE YOU’RE ALL OR NOTHING ON ONE THING BUT OTHER THINGS ARE IMPORTANT TOO MY GOSH and Sandy already has that balance so he’s cool

yeah that’s nice

So i was right about this ep just being them getting rOASTED constantlyBGA;LKEMF

CRAM BOY

I’M CHGBDSFASDFMAOWIEFM

PLEASE

THAT’S GOOD THO

MANS JUST NEEDED A GOLD STAR AND A REASON TO WORK AND HE’S IN IT NOW

YOU’RE DOING GREAT TANG

ILY

MEI’S FACE PLEASELK;MGSAOFAWE F

NAH I LOVE THAT LIKE, THEY’RE THE OPPOSTIES OF THEIR PAST SELVES Y’KNOW? THAT’S SO GOOD LIKE JUST THE REINCARNATION THING AND JUST “i don’t want to be this way it was bad so i’m going to be timid again” from Ao lei y’know? and it just, an overcorrection type thing

I’m still running off the bit that they’re reincarnations of the jttw crew and Mei’s not like, just a descendant GJULSAKJF

EVEYRBDOY JUST RUNNING AWAY LIKE NOPE NOPE

is he gonna take her out with one hit?

I love how Mei is like, phased by nobody constantly and ready to fight honestly

“Proving my point”

guys

guys I don’t think I’m normal about Ao Lei

he came on screen and i actually almost teared up, I’VE SEEN HIM TWICE BEFORE AND HE ACTUALLY MEANS THE WORLD TO ME??? I ADORE HIM?? I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY?? HE’S DEAD AND GONE I LOVE HIM???? He’s actually so good y’all i’m

SEEING HIM IN HIS HUMAN FORM IN THE SAME SHOT AS WUKONG IS DOING SOMETHING TO ME I WANT BROTHER MOMENTS WITH THEM SO BAD

LITERALLY SEEING HIM WITH WUKONG AND THE TANG MONK IS JUST |;A;/

I’m normal about the JTTW crew you guys

i’m very normal

….

so basically the man just saved up for his power up and then would nail people GASLFJAWEFM THATS GREAT THO

KINDA LEARNED ALL THAT ALREADYGBSFLKMSDF

MEI PLS

I LOVE HER

SO MUCH

BRUUHHHHHH

TANG GETS STAR

MEI GETS NO STAR

R U D E

but also fair ig

I think she’s loud sometimes to cover up the fact she’s worried y’know? not the the extent that mk is but sometimes her bravado seems like all she can do y’know? heck i need to write about her i miss her

THE WAY THAT THEY DRAW HER THIS SEASON IS SENDING ME

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE THAT DREW THE FACES AND POSES SHE MAKES I’MGNSDFKMD

WHY YOU SMILING OLD MAN

HE’S A GREAT SHIFU NGL

I LIKE HOW THEY’RE DOING HIM ACTUALLY

THIS SHOW HANDLES MENTORS REAL WELL (aside from Wukong jsut cause overuse of unreliable narrator and then not showing anything to contradict all that)

I’M SO GHSDFBAS;LFKM

PLEASE

SO MANY STARS

SANDY IS VIBIN

I’M EXPECTING A TWIST BUT I DO LOVE HIM SO MUCH

MY HILARIOUSLY BLUE STUDENTHNDFKJDSF

PLEASELKMGSDF

SHIFU ACTUALLY WORRIED ABOUT SANDY CAUSE HE’S SO NICE ;-; yeah fair he is belovePIGSY

PIGSY BELOVED

PIGSY MY ABSOLUTE FAV

I know i say that about every single one of these characters but its true every time BGSLAKEFMEWAF

PIGSYYYYYYY

HE’S HAVING A MOMENT

I LOVE YOU PIGSY

like father like son, looking out at the view while you think ;-; i mean i know that’s a p normal thing for people in general bUT LET ME HAVE THISBGSDL;KFMSEF

Pigsy ;-;

heck bro

I HAVE SUCH FEELINGS FOR THIS CHARACTER THEY DID HIM SO WELL

I’M

HE’S BEING SO NICE ABOTU ZHU BAJIE

PIGSY’S LIKE

HECK DUDES I NEED YOU TO KNWO I WROTE SOMETHING JUST FOR MYSELF ABOUT PIGSY JUST HATING ON HIS PAST LIFE AND HATING HIM AND I CAN’T BELIEVE ITS CANON THAT HE’S SO UNKIND TO WHO HE USED TO BE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH PELASE

LEARN SELF KINDNESS I LOVE THAT THE SHIFU IS SAYING NICE THINGS ABOTU ZHU BAJIE THO HECK

HIM SMILING AT MONKEY KING

heck you know

that’s

y’know that’s probably the first nice thing he’s ever heard someone say about Zhu Bajie

heck dude

heck dude bro Pigsy’s fACE

I LOVE PIGSY SO FREAKING

HE IS JUST SO CHILL SOMETIMES

DAD VIBES ABOUND

heck tho

just the

the heart that you have he worked for, he put his all into getting it and growing and he did grow and change and that effort is partially what made it so easy for you to have it right off the bat. you did good

HECK DUDE HOW DOES THIS SHOW GIVE ME EXACTLY WHAT I WANT LIKE THISNGSLMKFS

like FOR REAL, THE WAY HE LOOKS UP AT HIM AFTER HE GIVES HIM THE STAR THERE ARE SOME FACES IN THIS EPISODE I JUST CAN’T GET OUT OF MY HEAD AND THIS’LL BE ONE OF THEM

PIGSY JUST SCRATCHING THE SURFACE OF POWER GO BRRRRR

OOP MEI WATCHING

HEPGMSLFWE

SHE’S SO MAD HGDFLK;JSDF

MEI ACTUALLY LIEK TRYING THAT FACE SHE MADE HECK EHCK

OH HECK BACK TO MK

MY BOY MY BELOVED MAN

heck dude

did the monkey bring him all those bananas? PLS I’M GOING TO CRY AT HOW THEY DRAW THE TINY MONKEYS

LOOK AT THAT FACE

OH BOY

OH BOY HE SAID IT

mk buddy i think that’s exactly why he stayed on the mountain

bruh

dude’s really feeling it heck

MONKEY STEALS HIS BABNANNAGN;SMF

SCREAMS

I DIDN’T THINK HE’D SHOW UP TILL EPISODE TEN

WHAT DO YOU WANT MACAQUE

wow

WOW

guys this new VA is actually killing it, like

well done

respect my guy, you filling big shoes but you’re really nailing it sounding similar WELL DONE

JUST IMMEDATELY BASHING WUKONG

OKAY MACKY BOY

OH I GASPED

HECK I’VE GASPED SO MANY TIMES THIS EPISODE

MACAQUES REACTION TO THE FLICKERING

MK FINALLY CHILL AND THEN BACK TO FLICKERING BACK AND FORTH

HECK HECK

MACAQUE’S FACE

HECK

DUDE BRUH

BRUH DID NOT EXPECT THAT DID HE

OH MAN oh man ;-;

just

THE TERRIFIED, GLITCHING

THEN JSUT

heck

what does it matter

“go for it guy”

i do think its funny how Wukongs thing is bud and Mk’s thing is Guy HGLSADJKF

man

the whole

heck bro just sits right back down

Macaque just standing there

Okay Voice actor did a very good job sounding very very similar to macaque while he’s starting to mess with Mk and then dropping into something just slightly deeper when he’s not well done sir well done

MAN

THE ITS NO FUN WHEN YOU SAY IT OUT LOUD

YEAH SURE BUDDY GOOD EXCUSE

OOO THAT’S

A LOT OF REUSED ANIMATOIN THEREGSFDLKMSF

HELPGML;SFM

THAT WAS RIGHT AFTER THE OTHERHGDSFBDSF

still looks lovely

EXCUSE ME THO GOING BACK A BIT THE WAY HE’S LOOOKING AT MK THERE TRYING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD A BIT

mmm yeah that bit with the reused animation looked pretty rushed and clunky honestly pacing was just slightly off and the expressions didn’t quite fit with the dialogue, not as good a job as usual with the reused stuff it looked a little out of place this time around but I’m still glad they’re reusing stuff when they can

godspeed macaque what are you showing Mk hglskjdf

OH WE BACK TO AZURE

HERE WE GO

MANS SURE GROWLS HUH

HAHAHHAHGBSDFDLSMKF

AZURE MAD ABOUT HIS STUFF GETTING BROKEN AND PENG JUST MOVING ON IN A SECOND SAY GOODBYE TO THIS DUMP HGSLKDJF

I’M SORRUY BUT THE SOUND EFFECT OF PENGS LANDING WAS GREAT

I HAD TO GO BACK AND LISTEN TO IT AGAIN

OKAY

DID YOU JUST CALL YELLOW TUSK DARLINGNDLKMSFDF

hang on i gotta make sure i heard that right i’ve been mishearing things a lot lately

IT STILL SOUNDS LIKE HE SAYS DARLINGNSF;KLMSF

OKAY WELP CELESTIAL REALM TIME IG HERE WE GO

EPS GETTING CLOSE TO OVER

OOP THEYV’E ARRIVEDHGBSD;LFSE HECK EHCK EHCKE

NEZHA IMMEDEATELY

RED SON STANDING NEXTGT AAAAAA NEXT TO HIM HECK EHCKMEVDFNG;LKSMSEF HECK IT S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I STIMMED HECK

THE WHOLE ARMY THERE TO MEE TTHEM HECKGHECKEHCKEHCEK

WHAT AN ENTERENCE TOO

HECK EHC

AAAAA

IS NEZHA GONNA SEE SWK TRAPPED?? IS ANYONE GONNA KNOW OR CARE???

I JUST REALLY WANNA SEE REACTIONS PLEEAAAASEEEEEE THERE’S SO MUCH IN THIS EP AND IT WAS SO CHILL FOR A BIT HECK EHCK

Azure’s not but Red Son is ig CACKLESGSLD;KFMDS

WHAT A COOL THING THAT RED SON IS STANDING WITH THE CELESTIALS HUH

ITS NEAT THEY’RE OKAY WITH THAT AND NOT LIKE

LOCKING HIM UP

AND ITS NEAT HE HAS LIKE

A PORTAL FREE PASS TO GET THERE I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT THAT

i am constantly wheezing at how Azure acts with his self-righteous sighing and long-suffering act like he’s so annoying pleasenL;GKMAWEF

THERE ARE SO MANY AMVS I CAN MAKE WITH THIS STUFF MAN

OHHHHH

OH THE SOUND I JUST MADE

THE PARALLEL WITH THE THEME SONG PLEASE

LOOK AT THAT

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND THAT’S THE EP FOLKS

HECK DUDE

That was a highly enjoyable one

Fr tho I love Ao Lei So much he’s so good

THAT WAS FUN

I have pretty much no thoughts after it was just kinda a nice breather ep for most of it, i’m a huge fan of how the Shifu is training them and stuff like dang

just well done, good stuff m A N

that was fun want to write about these guys so much every single time i get anything like this hgbdfskldmf MAN THO MK

MACAQUE BEING SO MUCH MORE CHILL NOW IS GETTING TO ME HECK

I’M STILL SO MAD AT AZURE FOR WEARING SWK’S BROKEN PIECE OF THE SCROLL ON HIS BELT HOW FREAKING DARE YOU ANYWAY

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO EP TEN DEAR GOSH WE’RE ALMOST CAUGHT UP LETS FREAKING GOOOOOOOO

I’LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT WEEK KNOX OUT

#knox reacts #monkie kid season 4 #lmk s4 spoilers #i actually forgot how i used to tag these reaction posts #ANYWAY WE VIBIN #I HOPE AZURE GETS FREAKING DECKED

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sunarc · 4 months

Note

BE GLAD BE SO GLAD YOU DIDNT SEE IT

Scroll away from any video speaking about it pls, I WAS MINDING MY BUSINESS WHEN SOMEONE SCREEN RECORDED THAT VIDEO AND REPOSTED IT. I DID A DOUBLE TAKE BECAUSE I WAS LIKE WTF IS THATTT

I knew people were talking about it but I hadn't seen it and then I SAW

I saw IT, literally exactly what people say it is. Girl didn't try to hide it or nothing, you could tell it was used for a WHILE too

Gojo used his domain on my brain and I SAW EVERYTHING

I saw everything and I couldn't do nothing about it 😔😔😔😔😔😵😵😵😵

I am SCARED

I- HUHHHHHHHHH there was a.... used..... this is too much lmaoooo i hate when im trying to have a casual scroll on social media and i see the most out of pocket thing because WHYYYYY LMAOOOO BUT YOU SCARED??? IM SCARED!!!! i don't want to get jump scared lmaooo

#bri.loveletters��#from: anon

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exxay · 3 years

Text

Spoiler Alert, Ptilopsis' voice in her head is a lot more deadlier than we thought

With the release of the Operator Modules, HG has taken a very interesting decision into how they want to incorporate them.

And of course, just like OD, they decided to fucking kill it.

Currently, we only have a translation of Ptilopsis' module, and holy hell there's a lot to dig into, so let's start sentence by sentence:

"If Originium really has the power to store information, then we can decrypt and translate, the whole Columbian scientific technique will soar again!"

"I reached a bottleneck. The current electronic calculation facilities are insufficient to deal with the complex amount of signals from Originium. I need a more suitable calculation device."

So basically, it all started with a researcher's revelation in that-an originium shard can act as a goddamn rtx3090+corsair memory module on steroids. And with it, send Columbia into a technological revolution. Except, they're trying to fit into a 16-bit cpu. So they needed a better one.

"Using humans to calculate?! This is a daring thought, I... need to consider the feasibility."

Love how instead of commenting on it's ethicality, the first thing they think of is "Can it work?", Just a small reminder of how inhumane Rhine Labs are.

"The creation of a human decryption system model has been completed. Now, we need an experimental subject with clear thought and quick reflexes. Best to have good understanding of calculators and data."

So the PC is built, now they just need a case for it, and it had to be a really good one to, they don't wanna waste it.

"The candidate has been selected. Experiment subject codename: Ptilopsis."

And lo and behold, why not choose the living computer herself?

"There is nobody else more suitable than her in the whole Rhine. Although the head suggested to conceal the experimental risks, but I still let her know about the various possibilities of the experiment. This is my duty as a citizen of Columbia, and as a person."

Showing just how amazing Ptilopsis, alongside another reminder of Rhine Labs' way of doing things. Don't let the little text about the person asking for their consent, if MuMu has shown us anything, for all we know Ptilopsis could have been "Convinced"/ But that's probably just an assumption, she could have very well thought that it was for the best.

"She agreed. She agreed! I just know, I just know she would agree! I didn't choose the wrong person!"

Then again, who really knows?

"The preliminary main points and operation procedure has been taught. She learns quickly. Tomorrow, the experiment will begin. I believe that we can embrace Columbia's future with open arms!"

"The experiment was very successful. Various data are within the controlled boundaries. As long as this pace is followed, a little, a little... No, no no no, it shouldn't be! Quick, quickly shut it down--"

Honestly, were we expecting anything less? Experiment was going amazingly right, until everything went horribly wrong.

"Emergency measures have been activated in time, but she still... received injury. The brain..."

And so comes into play, "The voice", more details further in.

"And Oripathy..."

No shit, infused originium shards? Didn't they learn from Ifrit? Or maybe, Ptilopsis came BEFORE Ifrit? Hmm, so many revelations.

"(Intermittent crying sounds)"

No idea whose these are, but most likely? It could be Ptilopsis herself, or maybe the researcher, they seemed to have more morals than we thought.

"The higher-up has already requested for resuscitation. But, but like this..."

Wait? Resuscitation? Holy shit did they send her into Clinical Death? Holy fuck. And what's with the hesitation? Was she gonna be even deader?

"It's my fault, it's all my fault..."

Yup, more morals than usual.

"According to the message that she received before, I made a chip that can be inserted into the human body. This thing should be able to replace some of the functions of her brain."

Ok wow, so, Ptilopsis, already knowing shit was gonna fuck up somehow (Thanks' Milo), asked to make a backup chip than be inserted to the human body. So that she'll still pull through, pretty hardcore.

Wait? Like the promotion chips? Does that mean the promotion chips are inserted into the operators we use? Or are they different chips?

"Some department heads laud this idea a lot, hmm, I know what they are thinking."

Oh, so if I'm interpreting this right, some -not all- of the heads in Rhine were against this, but obviously, not because of anything ethical mind you.

"The implantation worked. She had no reaction."

"She woke up! But some problems occurred... in her language abilities."

"Error Hase"

"She tells me, there is another voice in her mind. A voice that does not belong in the boundary of known language. This thing will put a heavy burden on her psyche."

"The pain can only be reduced by using a robotic language system."

Ahhh, the voice, just like how Ifrit has a "voice" in her head constantly arguing and vying control. But we all know that it isn't just a voice, it's a literal fucking ENTITY, so does that mean Ptilopsis also has her own entity she constantly holds back? And just like what she tells us in her third trust line.

According to Ptilopsis "It is, in fact, quite burdensome to speak in this manner. But this is a necessary measure to prevent the system nexus from being devoured by that other voice. Doctor, if I become rampant, please guide me back onto the right path."

Love how it shed's more light onto such a mysterious habit that i wanted to know of.

"She is the first living person in Columbia with an implanted chip. This is an achievement."

"But to her, the land is no longer the same."

Sad for Ptilopsis, she can't look at anything the same anymore, though overall this sheds some more light on her relationship with Silence. More at the end.

Wait a minute-

"I also implanted a chip in my brain. Now the wound still hurts a little. But I want to know, what change did the information from Originium bring to her."

Oh, oh no.

"That voice, what is it?"

OH NO

"I will repeat the experiment." --Rhine Lab, Unknown project leader, recorded.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Unknown Researcher whyyyyy, you were so close, you were so close to greatness!!!!

Anyways, "repeat" would imply that Ptilopsis is actually the original subject, meaning she was the first to be implanted with artificial originium shards, and sub sequentially, artificially infected.

This could also mean that Silence learns about Ifrit's existence through Ptilopsis, and then leading to the "Flame Demon Incident".

Ptilopsis considers Silence her closest friend and Savior, in fact, even being more than willing to participate in a "Secret Project" of hers, which she SHOULD be reporting to the higher ups instead. It could still be her being a bit rebellious instead of being close friends, but as she said.

"I met Dr. Silence at Rhine Lab. I provided big data analysis and risk evaluation for her on a secret project."

Hmm, more to think about.

Speaking of, whenever we think of the "Flame Demon Incident" we think of Saria, Silence and Ifrit, but what about Ptilopsis? Silence would have probably learned about it on her own since she was helping oversee the project, but how would she learn of the, ehem, "Less well known aspects." Though that's just speculation on my part

So much to think about, what about you? What do you think about it?

Personally? Call McDonalds cuz I'm McFUCKING LOVE IT

#arknights #Ptilopsis #so interesting #and sad #goddamn i love arknights #i diagnose you with arknights #Lore Post

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thewolfisapartofmysoul · 4 years

Text

Hey lovelies,

I gotcha a Beetlejuice x reader this time. All the garden-flufffffffff. Hope you enjoy. 💜

Thistles

You smiled fondly at your favorite ghost as he watched your every movement intently, is eyes lit up every time you mumbled softly at the plant before you. Beetlejuice sat next to you, his legs crossed and from the corner of your eye, you noticed more pink streaks popping up between the bright green locks.

It was a warm summer, and you loved being outdoors. Beej didn't particularly love gardening.... but he certainly loved you. He loved watching his favorite breather do someting. Anyting. But especially watching you doing things you enjoyed, admiring you made his hair go pink in a record time.

"Hey babes...?" Beetlejuice mumbled, as you carefully covered the young plant in your hands with some earth.

"Hmmmm?" you hummed in response.

"...whyyyyy... exaclty... do you talk to the plants?" Beej asked you with genuine curiosity.

You chucked at his question. Once you were done with the plant you sweetly whispered to it: "Better grow good for me buddy... you can do it."

You had to hold back a scoff when you saw Beetlejuice shiver unexpectedly at the sound of your cooing voice beside you. Boy... was he sensitive...

You wiped your dirty hands at the coat you were wearing. It was his striped long jacket. He gave it to you to garden in it, it was way too big for you... but the earthy smell of fresh rain clinged to it. It smelled like him, and you found yourself wearing it all the time actually. It just... felt... nice? Beej declared: "You look way too hot in it to not wear it all the time".... You felt like he was near you when you wore it. Which... obviously... he literally was clinging at you, any chance he got. But you loved to have your clingy ghost around.

After you wiped your hands you took his hand into yours, squeezed it a little and smirked at him: "Awh.... somebody betting jalous Beej?"

He coffed and tried to look offended but you noticed the blush that was creeping up his face. And if you missed that delicate clue,

his now hot-pink hair was less subtle to miss.

You felt the incredible strong urge to kiss his stubble in that exact moment, he was just so...vurnable.

You leaned down towards him and soflty brushed your lips against his in a sweet innocent kiss. When you pulled back you heared him whimper a bit at the loss of contact, and you had to chuckle softly at his antics.

You beamed a happy smile his way and chirped: "Everyting grows faster with the right amount of love..." You pecked him on his scruffy cheek and scratched his head a bit. Beetlejuice leaned into your hand and as you massaged his head you heard him purr softly at your touch. You mumbled: "... doesnt it Beej?"

He responded with another purr, and with that you gently brought your attention back to your plants. He sighed and grumpily whined at you: "Babessssss...."

You rolled your eyes but couldn't supress a smile seeping through your face as you replied: "...yeah, what's it dear?"

He really acted like a 5 year old sometimes.

Tugging your sleeve to get your attention he asked with a dramatic flourish: "What's your favorite flower doll? Of alllllll these?" Big hand gestures followed his scentence.

You scratched your chin while you poundered about that question. Getting your chin full of black dirt in the process, Beetlejuice softly snorted at your actions. You were too into your head to notice though. 'He would tell you... Maybe... later. Even when your face was smeared with dirt you was angelic...' he decided.

"Well... uhm... That must be... the lavender." You spoke thoughtfully as you looked at the ghost besides you.

You saw him frowning a bit, he was clearly in doubt about something. You reached out to his knee, and you delicately brushed it with your dirty hands. The gesture to calm him down seemed to work, as his features became less troubled he murmered: "... Hey babes... which... which ones are those? Can you show me?"

You smiled at him and nodded yes.

Beetlejuice already jumped up and was bouncing up and down in excitement, he reached out to pull you up from the place where you were sitting. You smiled widely at a very excited bouncing beetlejuice and took a hold of his hands.

With one swift movement he pulled you on your feet and you blushed as his strong arms caught you as you fell flush against him. Your nose was inches apart from his when you felt him snaking an arm around your waist to pull you even closer to him and heard him hum contently. He booped his nose against yours and purred in a serious tone: "Lavender you said, doll?"

You pecked his lips softly, nodded, took his hand and skipped to were you held your lavender.

"Tadaaaaaah!" You chuckled. "This... sweet sweet Beej... is laveder." You gestured grandly towards were your favorite pland grew. "Go one baby... smell it! It smells so gooooood." You tugged him towards the flowers with a demanding pull on his suspenders. Beetlejuice sniffed the flowers, almost like a dog would snif it too. With very short breaths and sniffs he pulled back and exclaimed: "I like it doll... it smells a bit like... ehm..."

He pushed his nose in the flowers again, sniffing loudly as he did so. With a low growl he pulled back, took a hold of your (or his old) striped coat and pulled you towards him. His nose attacked your neck before you could protest and your breath hitched as you felt his stubble brush against your neck.

Beetlejuice sniffed deeply, inhaling your scent and a low growl escaped his throath again. He pulled back abrubtly, moaning and mumbling under his breath as he did so:

"Smells so nice. It smells just like you babes."

It was a good thing he held onto your coat that tightly, because your knees were like jelly. Your neck was a soft spot, and this combined with his low voice had you riled up in seconds. The smug look on Beetlejuice's face showed exaclty how well he knew all that. You looked at him and murmered: "You... are... a true demon you... Also you're right, i use lavender in my soap."

He winked at you, and released his grip on your coat a bit as he spoke: "Ya betcha, doll."

You stood on your tiptoes and reached out to ruffle his hair, with a playfull giggle. He gripped your wrist and pulled you towards him again, so he could properly kiss you. Between kisses you asked him: "Hey Beej... what's your favorite flower?"

He chuckled deeply, stroking your cheek and said: "Besides you...? I dont know. Let me check..."

He let his gaze wander around the garden for a little while and after a little while you saw his eyes lit up a bit. He snapped his fingers and you were left in a cloud of green smoke for a second. You blinked once... twice... and just when you were about to call his name you were startled by a loud scream behind you.

"BOO!!"

You squeeked in fright and jumped at the loud sound behind you. Immediately Beetlejuice started laughing hysterically and you slowly turned around, catching your breath again when you did so.

You were about to give him a lecture about not scaring his girlfriend (again) but the corners of your mouth moved upwards as you took in the sight before you.

Beetlejuice was floating on his side, in a semi-wannabe-sexy-pose... with a thistle between his teeth. A freaking thistle. Smiling at you seductively, with a very smug look on his face.

Now it was your turn to laugh.

This man... this demon... certainly had readed way too many romans in his undead life.

Once you stopped lauging he turned around mid air, twirling a circle in the air until he hang upside down above you. He placed the thistle in your hair, carefull not to sting you in the process, and placed a kiss on the top of your head as he shouted unexpectedly: "CATCH!!"

You held your arms out in shock and he dramatically fell into them. A proud smile creeping up his face as he adored you, while lounging in your arms. Dramatically laughing he cheered: "My hero! Thanks for catching sweet-cheeks..."

You snorted and rolled your eyes in annoyance. It was a good thing he was a ghost and therefore was as light as a feather.

He snapped his fingers, dissapearing into green smoke again but this time he appeared behind you. Hugging you tight as his head leaned on your shoulder. You turned your head slightly and whispered in his ear: "... dissapear one more time and I'll let you sleep outside tonight..."

He snuggled closer towards you, kissed your cheek and growled softly: "Okay... i get it doll... i just... really like thistles...?" You smiled at that.

You squeeled loudly when Beetlejuie unexpectedly licked your chin.

"Beej!! Whatthehell?!"

He tickled your sides and chuckled at the high pitched scream he got out of you. He growled in your ear: "You had some dirt on your chin babes... But you are all clean now..."

That demon was gonna be the death of you once. Your knees were once again all jelly. He snapped his fingers and with a smirk against your neck he handed you a thistle "... to make it up?" Beetlejuice softly purred.

Right then you decided that you would never call thistles weed, ever in your life again. They were your new favorite bouquet, together with the lavender.

"Hey Beej.... I know another way you could make up to me..." You mumbled seductively against his scruff.

This time he snapped his fingers again, and the green smoke took you both out of the garden.

Tagging: @paxenera @heknowshisherbs @hoodoo12 @large-unit @little-miss-shy-goth @thats-specific @vicunaburger @ironmansuucks @h1de-s0urce @go-commander-kim @stranger-strings @bugdrinkss

#beetlejuice imagine #beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice/reader #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice #beetlejuice broadway #alex brightman #bouncy oddball #myownfic

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atamascolily · 4 years

Text

Lily liveblogs: “The Rise of Skywalker,” part three

I end as I began: hopelessly confused about what the point of all this was. (Except for money. I got that part loud and clear.)

Rey just leaves Finn behind, because... friendship, right? Jannah does not have a good opinion of Rey right now, and tbh, I can't blame her. I realize Rey is under a lot of stress, but... her behavior since arriving on this "moon of Endor" has been wayyyy out of line.

Also, Poe pulls up with the Falcon right then, so I guess they got it repaired in record time, lol. Convenient.

Meanwhile, at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone is sad because Leia is dead. I wonder who's in charge now???

"Goodbye, dear princess." Oh, so she's a General right up until she dies, and then it's back to princess again? I wish the ST would make up its mind about her title.

Oh, I guess Poe is, since he showed up and actually has a rank??

Chewie LOSES IT at the news Leia is dead--I feel you, bud. I feel you so hard.

Kylo tries to look dignified as he broods on the wreckage, but he looks awful. Like a drowned rat, with a convenient lightsaber-shaped hole in his tunic where Rey stabbed him. (She didn't even take the saber with her or drop it into the sea or anything! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY - gimme a reason, any reason, even a stupid one.)

And then Han shows up. Is he a ghost? Is this a memory? Is Kylo hallucinating? WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING??? (This would have so much more resonance if we had SEEN how Han's death impacted Kylo earlier on instead of that one confused flashback at the beginning of the film....)

grizzled Harrison Ford looks great, why the hell did they kill him off in the first movie whyyyyyy

Okay, so they answer the question and this is a memory, which is fine, I usually love this trope, BUT it would be hella more effective if we'd seen Kylo arguing/interacting with memories of Han earlier instead of this happening for the first time NOW...

"Come home." Uhhhhhh, I honestly don't know what exactly Leia did, but she certainly kinda abetted killing him. What home does Kylo have now, anyway??

So Han says that what Leia fought for is still around, which is true, but Kylo is ostensibly the supreme leader here, so he doesn't just have to go AWOL, he can drag the FO leadership with him, and what passes for their government, he could SURRENDER and end the war right now. Does he? Of course not. He fucks off all by his lonesome after Rey and Palpatine because... that's all he knows how to do, apparently.

There's a callback that is supposed to resonate but doesn't work for me, because I just can't make myself feel for Kylo at all. Yes, redemption is hard. Yes, you have to work for it. Stop whining and just do it!!

We're supposed to think that Kylo will stab Han again (I guess?) but he turns and throws his saber into the sea. So that's why Rey didn't take it - so he could make a dramatic fucking gesture with it.

Palps is upset that Leia messed up his plans, but whatever. He orders Pryde, who apparently is now in charge of the FO in Kylo's absence, to come to Exegol. Apparently Pryde is a diehard Imperial (and possibly Sith cultist/Palpatine's secret puppet/agent??) I guess. It's never explained, he's just bad. And his name isn't subtle, either.

Palps just wants to burn everything to the ground for... evulz, I guess? I got nothing.

Pryde's star destroyer pops out a giant gun and blows up a planet.... apparently, Kijimi. Why, I don't know. Because they were just there?? Anyway, BOOM. Kijimi literally explodes.

What the actual fuck. How is that EVEN POSSIBLE?? What was the point of building two Death Stars if a Star Destroyer can do that????

Oh, apparently, that was the new model from the "Sith fleet" with a better upgrade. sounds fake, but okay. Poe is not thrilled by this news. The same Resistance member brings him the bad news, so I guess that's her official job??

Poe is genre-savvy enough to know that every ship in the Sith fleet has planet destroying weapons and they're doomed unless they stop the Final Order... which isn't new? I thought there was a countdown to an attack in 16 hours or something. What did they think they were attacking with? I don't even know, this movie is that incoherent.

Rose pops in with a message broadcasting on every channel about the "Resistance is dead. The Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die"... but given that it's in a language that isn't Basic, there's this one random dude with a beard who translates for the audience... and even though I assume it's meant to be some more commonly spoken language, given that the Sith have their own language in this movie, It makes it seem like this Random Resistance dude understands Sith and... I have questions.

Poe goes to sit by Leia's shrouded corpse because apparently they haven't buried her yet??? I wish Poe and Leia's relationship was more prominent in the movies, because I love the dynamic they're supposed to have, but never actually manifests in any of these movies.

Lando shows up to console him!

"How did you defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" "We had each other."

DAMN RIGHT YOU DID AND THE NEW GENERATION COULD TOO, IF THE WRITERS WEREN'T INTENT ON SEPARATING THEM CONSTANTLY AND MAKING EVERYBODY SUFFER....

Poe decides to make Finn his co-general. I have a lot of feels about this.

Turns out D-O knows all about Exegol because he used to belong to Ochi... that's actually earned, I'll allow it. Hilarious Rey never asked the droid about it (or any other details of his past, given that she was pretty sure Ochi killed her parents).

Ahch-To! Rey is wearing her hood and I don't know why. She's throwing driftwood into the flaming wreckage of Kylo's TIE and sobbing and... I don't know what's going on here. There are SO MANY REASONS she could be crying, I don't even know.

And she tosses her lightsaber into the sea... just like Kylo did. Parallels. I get it. And just like Luke did to her... She's giving it up because she doesn't feel worthy of being a Jedi because of her heritage, I guess?? (I'm guessing because this movie doesn't explain shit.)

Speaking of which, there's Luke's ghost, right on schedule! I love his snark but it's SO OUT OF LINE given his behavior in the last movie... and the fact that Yoda told him he had to let go of the past and let the books burn. I mean... the fuck???

Rey has this dark throne vision that's driving her, but ironically that's the one vision we don't see in this whole mess.. we have all these OTHER visions instead, I can' teven keep them all straight.

Oh, she's decided to model Luke and fuck off to Ahch-To forever because she feels she made a mistake. that's absolutely the WRONG LESSON from Luke's life, Rey!!

(also, what happened to saving the world? The sith wayfinder? She just conveniently forgot Palpatine was gonna slaughter everybody because she's having heritage angst?????)

Leia not telling Rey about Rey's heritage makes perfect sense when you realize just how much Leia's life was fucked over by the knowledge that Darth Vader was her father--once in ROTJ and again when she got kicked out of the Senate and ostracized in Bloodline.

Luke has Leia's lightsaber conveniently hidden in his hut... so now Kylo/Ben can have a weapon of his own in the upcoming fight, gag. (Really, Rey should use it to make a double-bladed saber, but she won't, sigh.)

The flashback looks like a video game to me. The CGI is not terrible, but doesn't look nearly as real as the rest of the film to me.

Also, I'm forever mad that Leia gave up her saber thinking it would save her son, that is SO AWFUL, especially since IT DIDN'T WORK, HE STILL TURNED OUT EVIL ANYWAY AND RUINED YOUR LIFE.

"A thousand generations live in you now" would have so much more resonance if Rey was an avatar of the Force or a reincarnation of Anakin instead of the metaphorical. (Yes, I know it will be realized literally later on.)

[Just realized that Kylo's obsession with Rey would make TOTAL SENSE if she were an reincarnation of Anakin given how much he idolizes his grandfather!!!]

Whyyyyy doesn't Luke talk here about the revelation that Palpatine is alive? That he and his father failed to kill the Emperor? That Rey has to finish LUKE'S journey, too??? But no, it's all about Leia here.

Rey somehow didn't notice the wayfinder in Kylo's TIE until Luke says "you have everything you need"... I guess? I don't know how she missed it before!!!

And the X-wing rises out of the water like the deus ex machina that it is... somehow still spaceworthy after six years in the ocean. Okay, then.

Apparently, Force ghost Luke can still manipulate physical objects through the Force??? Okay, I can kinda buy that, but... still....

I love how Artoo doesn't even wait for Threepio to get started with the bullshit, he just imports the uploaded memories right away without asking. Normally, I'd be mad about consent, but a) they're married, and b) he's restoring Threepio's personality, so I'm okay with it.

I love how warped and creepy the space is around Exegol.

Also, D-O looks just like a desk lamp.

Oh, so the Resistance follows Rey through Luke's X-wing computer via Artoo. Convoluted, but it works, I guess.

Okay, so time for some technobabble, but there's a navigation tower (the new shield generator) they have to hit for REASONS with a "ground team" (aka strike team). Sigh.

Love the dismissal of the "Holdo maneuver"--which is essentially kamikaze-style suicide. Not a great battle strategy if you want to survive the fight.

Wait, wasn't Poe angsting earlier about how nobody answered their call from Crait back in the last movie? What makes him think this is going to be any different?????

Okay, so all the FO folks on are on Exegol now?? Who is piloting and crewing those Star Destroyers?? Are they First Order or Final Order people? What happened to the First Order? What is the relationship between the First Order and the Final Order? Are they the same thing with two different names?? (But no, there are two fleets, the Sith destroyers are different.) What happened to the First Order then? Does anyone notice and/or care the alleged "Supreme Leader" of the First Order is missing in action??? I'M SO CONFUSED.

Okay, it makes sense that Poe is in an X-wing given he's a hotshot pilot, but he's also a general, and... I'm so confused about the tactical aspect of that, but fine, whatever. Also, Artoo is in the X-wing with him instead of BB-8, who I thought was Poe's droid (to the point of reaming Rey over injuring him earlier in the film!!!) WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE???

we're baaaaacck in the creepy sith ruins just like the beginning of the film, but so much has happened that my brain has fried and so the parallels are not as compelling as they could be.

WHEN DID THEY PICK UP JANNAH?? Has she been there the entire time and we just didn't see her until now, or did they stop back at Endor's moon along the way??? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!

Finn has " a feeling" where the ship is... it's the Force, why are you teasing us like that. LET HIM BE A JEDI.

Okay, I actually really like the fact that all the FO deserter stormtroopers from Endor are using their mounts so their enemies can use the tech against them. That's poetic justice right there. And also, epic cool. Good thing all the ships are still in the atmosphere... (nobody's wearing masks like Finn did for the Kijimi pickup)

I don't know how there is lightning in a fucking underground pyramid, but 10/10 for aesthetic, I love it.

"Grandma, it's me, Anastasia"--oh, wait, never mind.

The reveal that Rey is in a giant arena is hella creepy, even though it makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER. Where do all these people come from? What do they do? Where do they live? What do they EAT?? Are they born Sith? Brainwashed Sith?? Cultists? Clones??? I NEED ANSWERS HERE.

Palpatine dangling in his creepy metal arm-thing is a lot like GLADoS from Portal.

So... Palpatine can possess the person who kills him in anger??? Explains a LOT about how he treated Luke, actually. And why it was so important that Anakin finish him - one, because Anakin's body was failing, and two, because he did it for love.

Love the aesthetic of the flickering lights for added creepiness and nothing is quite real. Even if it makes no sense. My id knows what it wants, okay??

Jannah and Finn teaming up for the battle is great, BB-8 actually gets to do something for once, and I love Jannah's crossbow.

Oh, now Palps is going to monologue about Rey's parents, while telling us no interesting details whatsoever. Sigh.

HOW THE FUCK DID KYLO GET TO EXEGOL AGAIN????????????????? she left him stranded in the middle of a frikkin' OCEAN... and he just knows how to get back to Exegol without the macguffin,.... how....?

(yes, I know he's supposed to be "Ben Solo" again, but so far there has been zero explanation in the film itself, so I'm just gonna keep calling him Kylo.)

Okay, there's a TIE fighter next to the X-wing, but... where did he GET IT?????????

That "ow" is priceless. I watched that sequence twice.

(clearly Kylo has not been exploring ruins much recently.)

Finn explaining to Rose that he's going to sacrifice himself for the cause, exactly like she wouldn't let him do in the last film... and Rose goes with it. Okay, then.

Now Kylo has to fight his own boy band... who were secretly following the Emperor's orders the entire time (?) THE ENTIRE FIRST ORDER WAS LITERALLY A FRONT TO KEEP KYLO REN DISTRACTED AND KYLO TOTALLY BOUGHT IT. I... have questions, but I actually admire the sheer audacity of this.

Kylo fighting said knights would be way more emotionally engaging if we a) knew anything about them, b) had seen any interactions between Kylo and the knights earlier, and c) gave a shit, but none of those happened, so we don't.

Kylo and Rey have some sort of Force bond communication thing that is super vaguely filmed so it's hard to understand wtf is actually happening. Rey tosss her saber back and... Ben pulls it out behind his back.

what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK

I won't say that wasn't forshadowed, because it kinda-sorta was. I will just say that this movie has NEVER EXPLAINED HOW THEY CAN DO THAT or talked about it at ALL, just treats it like a fact, and I... have questions about how reality can be bent that way even if you are a Force dyad or whatnot.

So Kylo's fight with the knights parallels Rey's fight with a bunch of Imperial guards and it's so hard to care. Th timer says there's still a half an hour left, how is that possible???

So... it's okay to stab people as long as you do it with the properly colored lightsaber, I guess???

Kylo shows up, he and Rey exchange Meangingful Looks, they raise their sabers, Palps zaps them and slurps up "the lifeforce of your bond" and uses it to grow younger, whatever the hell that means ughhhhhhhh please let this be over soon.

Did he know they were a dyad before? Is THIS his real plan? I'm so confused and I have no idea wtf is going on.

RIP Snap. I guess I should care more about you, but I don't think you're mentioned in any of the other movies, so... *shrugs*

Poe has a meltdown but.... Lando shows up AGAIN to give him a pep talk, and also a fleet. Like seriously, Lando gets results, if he'd been running the Resistance, the war would be OVER by now.

Is the "Nice flying, Lando!" Older!Wedge?? I think so. I hope so, anyway.

Zorii shows up too, to fight and also insult Poe over the comm... I guess she's upset about Kijimi being destroyed? (Or maybe not given how she was so eager to get off it???)

Palps tosses Kylo into a pit, which... given that Palps survived, maybe not the best plan if you wanted to actually kill him.

Then he shoots force lightning through the hole in the arena into the sky and... zaps all the new fighters.

Well.

Okay then.

Rey wakes up and... reaches out to the spirits of past Jedi for help. (Apparently, Palpatine doesn't care about her killing him now, because he's young and healthy again, so it's okay to kill her? I guess he can always try again with another grandkid, lol.)

Also, it's funny how Rey is a Palpatine and blood is sooooo important and scary and destiny until someone's trying to diss her and then she's just "a scavenger girl". And by funny, I mean terrible. Sigh.

"I am all the Sith." I don't think the Sith, by the nature of their existence, can embody their predecessors the way that the Jedi can. I mean, to be a Sith is to be alone, and there is that whole Rule of Two business if that's still canon now. I mean, unless the Sith literally eat their masters and thus become them? But it seems a little late for THAT detail.

But it's okay because Rey's embodying all the Jedi this time (and has TWO sabers, lol) and she turns Palpatine's Force lightning back on himself and he turns into a crisp. You'd think the Sith Lords would have worked out a defense against that, since that's how Mace Windu scarred him in the first place, but okay then.

The entire arena crumbles. All the faceless cultists are crushed by falling rock. Pryde goeth before the fall. Lando rescues Finn and Jannah before Poe can. All the star destroyers are stranded because the command ship is gone and start blowing up.

Anyway, Rey collapses in the ruins. Finn senses her fall. but Kylo climbs out of the pit and cradles her in his arms. (ewww ewww ewwwwwww NOOOOOOO) and cradles her to his chest [gross gross grossssssss she's dead and can't consent and I can't decide if that makes it grosser or not, she's never let him do this while she was ALIVE fuckkkkkk]. He finally lets go and then places his hand on her stomach, and ughhhhhh I have so many issues with this I don't care if he's reformed, he's been stalking for three films, this is NOT OKAY and does the Force healing trick, and...

literally he could have just put a hand on her forehead or shoulder, which I would still hate, but would be less creepy than this.

Rey wakes up, puts her hands on his, sits up, startled and... doesn't say anything, doesn't even flinch, and smiles. "Ben."

and she kisses him. I knew this was coming. I still hate it.

he smiles, falls over, and dies. Like, literally, it's like Rey's kiss murdered him. I'm a terrible person, I know, but I really can't mourn him.

Kylo's body vanishes (Leia's stayed intact, damn it!) proving I guess that he was good after all?? I thought only special people learned the vanishing trick??? Leia's body vanishes right at the same time, and... I don't get it, I really don't.

Maz apparently skipped the final battle to watch over Leia's corpse and I.... definitely don't get it.

was Leia possessing her son this whole time? What. Just. Happened??????

Rey flies away in Luke's X-wing under her own power, and... "Red Five is in the air again," says Finn. People are rising up all over the galaxy, though against what, I'm not clear, and the skies are suddenly clear, implying that the Emperor was warping the weather with his darkness.

We see Star Destroyers blowing up behind Cloud City and on the FOREST moon of Endor with the Ewoks and I just... never knew they were there??? Were they connected to the rest of the Fleet somehow (like the Katana fleet in Legends??) Where did this come from?? Wicket and his son are clearly satisfied, though why they think anything's going to change is beyond me. And was the First Order oppressing them? Why didn't we see any of their fleet when our protagonists were IN THAT SYSTEM AND SO WAS THE OSTENSIBLE SUPREME LEADER???

Another Star Destroyer crashes on Jakku, so literally NOTHING HAS CHANGED THERE, LOL.

Back at the Resistance Jungle Base, everyone cries and hugs, Poe and Zorii have a moment that goes nowhere, Poe's arm is somehow in a sling (???) There's a very brief lesbian kiss, but it gets even less screen time than Rose Tico, so again, don't think that counts as representation, but nice try.

Maz gives Chewie Han's medal from Yavin and... where the hell did she get it??? Leia's corpse??? Creepy!!

Jannah comes up to Lando and asks him where he's from, and when Lando asks the same question, she say she doesn't know. "Let's find out." Wow, that's way more interesting than most of this movie!

Rey hugs Finn and Poe and I... just... it's the tearful hug of "wow, we've all been through a lot of trauma since we last saw each other and also I was a jerk and threw you across the sea with the Force to get you out of my way and I abandoned you without saying goodbye to isolate myself on an island in the middle of nowhere until my ghost mentor reminded me I could save the day".

ButWeDon'tHavetimetounpackThatNow.jpg

Rey takes the Falcon to the Lars' moisture farm on Tatooine with BB-8. No one is in sight. This is an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere, not a shrine to the Legend of Luke Skywalker. Rey slides down the sides on a piece of metal and into the courtyard. She wraps up Luke and Leia's sabers and... we cut to her back up on the ridge near the droid garage, using the Force to bury them in the sand.

Then she pulls out her own saber and it's yellow-bladed and looks like a double quarterstaff (although I only saw the top blade ignite). What she should have had this entire movie.

There's a random woman with an eopie there, who... came over to investigate? there is literally NO ONE ELSE FOR MILES. HOW????

The woman asks who she is, and we have callbacks to that earlier conversation on Pasaana. Rey hesitates, sees Luke and Leia's ghost on the horizon, smiling their approval and says "Rey Skywalker". The movie ends with her standing watching the double sunset... alone except for BB-8.

Wow, she's literally come full circle from being alone in the desert with a droid to being alone in a different desert with the same droid. What the fuck.

Cue triumphant music and credits.

Oh, and I just realized we never found out what was so important for Finn to tell Rey about... so that went nowhere. I assume it's "he can use the Force" but apparently that wasn't important enough to ACTUALLY INCLUDE, sigh.

Did Rey fuck off to Tatooine to be a hermit? Is she going back to her friends? Is she going to train the next generation of Jedi? How will she keep the cycle from repeating? Is it broken? Is Palpatine really dead this time??? How does she feel about Kylo/Ben?? Is HIS ghost still around stalking her, too? Why did she take the Falcon? Doesn't it belong to Chewie now? Why didn't the rest of the gang come with her???? I'm so confused.

This was even worse than I had anticipated, and I came into this with super-low expectations. This wasn’t bad in a “bad B-movie kind of way,” this was bad in the “nothing makes sense, it’s all jumbled blur, I am numb and cannot begin to care” kind of spectacle. I cannot imagine watching this in a theater. No wonder the critics savaged this.

#star wars #lily liveblogs #WHY DISNEY WHY

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petitprincess1 · 5 years

Text

How To Torture Your Heroes

Summary: Demencia and Clem teach the gross cockroaches of the world how to properly obtain and torture your enemy better than some nerdboy could!

Words: 2,454

Characters: Demencia, Flug, Clemencia, and Black Hat (briefly)

Warnings: A bit of torture, but nothing too bad.

I had too much fun with this

Demencia sat at the metallic table with her arms crossed and glaring at the shaking Cam-Bot and Flug, who was clearly smirking underneath his bag. She just narrowed her eyes at him, while, at the same time, erratic noises and lights that were going on beside her. She then slowly glanced over to her side at seeing Clemencia strapped up in a chair, wrapped in a straitjacket, and her mouth covered by a mask. The unicorn witch was currently vibrating in the chair, hearts in her eyes changing various of colors, and her powers were sparking from her horn. She was also making many high-pitched squeaking sounds and they only became louder the moment Dem’s eyes were on her.

Demencia’s stare went back to Flug, who was setting up Cam-Bot and ordering, “Alright, remember that Black Hat wants you to do this. Honestly, I wouldn’t care and the only commercials I would have you do is one for rabies vaccinations or one where we send you off to space.”

Flug was expecting Demencia to make a “witty” comeback like her becoming queen of the moon-people or something that idiotically implausible, but she just kept glaring at him. He just rolled his eyes and then looked as Cam-Bot’s recording light come on, saying, while holding up cards for her to speak off of, “Okay, Cam-Bot is recording. Go, Demencia.”

Demencia narrowed her eyes further at him before speaking in an even, annoyed tone, “Welcome, you bottom feeders, are you sick and tired of using the same old methods to capture and torture heroes? Do they always get away from your clutches? Always stealing your shit-” “Demencia, stick to the cards.” “Ugh! Always stealing your equipment,” she mocked in an obnoxiously nerdy voice by plugging her nose and then continued, “and leaving a mess everywhere? Then, fear not, for- this is so fucking stupid! Couldn’t you at least have tried to make the script sound like me, instead of your disgusting, lameass nerd language!?”

Flug pinched at where the bridge of his nose would be and then spoke in a professional manner, “You know, I really did try to, Demencia. However, you must understand that it is quite difficult to translate caveman speak to our natural, everyday colloquialism.”

Dem slammed her hands down on the table and shouted at him, “Say that to my face, punching bag!”

“You’re literally a few feet in front of me! How is this not saying it to your fa-” “Because it isn’t, chicken shit! If you were brave enough, you would say it right here, instead of-” The two began bickering over one another. Flug giving out the most intellectual disses the world has ever known, while Demencia resorted to “colorful” language, gory descriptions of Flug’s demise, and the occasional, never defeated “bleh bleh bleh” method.

Meanwhile, Clem watched the two fight amongst one another like a child watching their parents argue. She casually shimmied out of her straitjacket, unbuckled the straps, and took off the mask. Skipping over to Flug, she looked down at the cards in his hands and asked, “Can I see those?”

“Yeah, sure,” Flug said absentmindedly, as he just went back to quarreling with Demencia like the goof that he is. Clemencia just went back to her seat and sat down, reading over the cue cards. Cam-Bot turned off its recording for a few seconds to look in-between the two villains and shook its ‘head’, wondering how it hasn’t short-circuited from all this madness. The only thing that was able to break them out of their squabble was Clemencia shouting, “Whaaaaaat!? Dangle them over hydrochloric acid? Painful injections? Lead them to you with what they love? What is this absolute crap? I thought you were supposed to be the best in the business, Flug!”

Flug immediately put a hand to his chest, feeling absolutely offended, while Demencia snatched at the cards and started reading them over. The scientist shouted, “Okay, listen here you randomly generated Tumblr OC, I don’t need someone like you telling me that-”

“I'm gonna stop you right there because you clearly do! None of this would truly work! It's, dare I say, old hat! I mean, who dangles people over acid anymore?” Clemencia asked, while Demencia finished reading and winced, “As much as I hate to agree with sparkles over here, I think she's got a point.”

Flug crossed his arms, scoffing and sputtering, before taking a deep breath and giving in, “You know what? Fine! I'll let you both take over, see how well you do, but I'm not gonna be responsible for how Black Hat reacts!”

The two multicolored women weren't even listening to him, as the two were writing down suggestions and even making some pictures on their garbage writ- er…“script”. Clemencia then pulled down a large, long projection screen out of nowhere and the two hid behind the screen. Clem whispered, “Aaaaaaaannnndddd...action!”

Cam-Bot just shook its head and then rewound the footage before starting it back up again. Suddenly, an image of a half lizard and half unicorn skull crying out rainbows in front of heart that had nails all over it appeared on the screen. The two magically poofed in front of the screen. Demencia was holding a bloodied baseball bat that had nails all over it and Clemencia held a pink and gold axe that had hearts within the blade and pink bows along the handle. Flug groaned, as he sat down with a mug in his hand that...possibly held coffee, “Oh boy.”

Demencia greeted, “Welcome, you gross boils of the underworld, it's your ruthless, badass Demencia to teach you scrubs about how to truly capture and torture your victims, whether they be a hero or a disgusting, useless, sidekick, nerdboy!”

Flug gave loud sigh, but didn't say anything. The lizard woman pointed to Clemencia and introduced, “And who better to check over such methods than with- Gah!”

Clemencia suddenly brought her into a spine-crushing hug and lifted her off of the ground, exclaiming, “Than with her no-as-equally-but-pretty-dang-close-at-least-hope-so-or-I’ll-cry-in-the-tub-again-tonight gorgeous girlfriend, Clemencia!”

Dem growled, as she hit her over head with the bat, “I'm not your girlfriend, dumb broad!”

Each hit that she made just made a squeaky toy noise. Flug blinked at the both of them and then cleared his throat. The two stared at him before going back to their normal poses and Dem went on like nothing happened, “Than with this horrible excuse of a hero over here!”

The unicorn witch smiled and giggled, while her horn made random sparks of pink magic. The screen then changed while Dem continued, “Now, some idiots would give you stupid little ideas that you can lead your victim by using things that they love,” a drawing of Clemencia had her being led to a trap by a Demencia doll on a string, “or being hung over acid,” another image of Clem being hung over acid that she just changed into jello with a confused, smelly Flug, “or, even lamer, with injections,” and then the final was another Flug with the words “gross nerd” over his head poking a confused hero in the eye with a syringe.

Clemencia then quickly added in, “Well, I never thought they were lame or anything, just that I know you can do it a bit better with that big boy brain of yours, Fluggy~!”

Flug corrected, “That’s Dr. Flug Slys to you.”

“Ya got it, Flug-bug!” Clemencia smiled with a cute little wink afterwards, making Flug just take bigger gulps of his “coffee”. Demencia put a finger to her mouth, fake gagging, and asked in an annoyed tone, “Are you two done being weird?”

Clem mumbled, looking slightly concerned, “...I-I was being…” and then a fully forced smile came across her face and she said cheerfully, “Yes, I am, my wonderful savior! ...Um,” she then levitated Flug’s mug to herself, grabbed it, and then tossed it right into his face with a blank expression. The mug spilt all over Flug upon impact and he fell back with a loud thud, shouting, “WHYYYYY!?”

Demencia blinked at the whole and then went back to the commercial, “Anyway, a little help from Dem and Clem will get your ass back in line with these three easy options! Number one: Don’t go for all that complicated garbage! Your own body should be plenty to attract those dumb heroes.”

The image on the screen changed to a drawing of a hero cornering Demencia in an alleyway, while she was wearing chainmail armor lingerie that had a the Black Hat logo on her panties. Clemencia’s eyes turned into hearts, despite one of them twitching at the “dumb heroes” comment, and added in, “Which should be plenty easy, if you’re as sexy as Demencia! However, if you’re not- which a good majority of you aren’t -then this second option is for you! Number two: As much as we heroes love kicking your butts from here to Atreno City,” a Clem drawing had her kicking villains, while they’re curled up on the ground, like Flamme, Mother Poltergeist, Mawrasite, and, of course, Flug, “there’s nothing we love more than peaceful agreements.”

Next was a copy-and-pasted picture of the signing of the Declaration of Independence, but they had a bunch of villains’ and heroes’ faces drawn poorly over all the political figures’ faces with Clem and Dem sharing Thomas Jefferson’s face. The actual document was scribbled with Demencia’s crayon and Clemencia’s sparkly marker writing that read: “Blah blah blah,” “Dem for president,” “Clem was here <3,” and a signature “Flug the virgin.” Clemencia went on, “However, we also have a high sense of smell to know when there's bullshit afoot, so try to at least seem a bit more genuine than what you’re actually doing,” a picture of an annoyed Vanity appeared at a dinner table with Dark Phantom in a suit, who was looking extremely nervous and holding a ray gun behind his back.

Demencia then said, “And, finally, the torture! The fun part! Now that you’ve clearly used the first method to capture your foe because the second one is for complete morons-”

Clemencia shifted on her and chuckled nervously, “Heehee...right…”

The lizard hybrid then went on, “The best way that you can torture your hero is by causing them the slowest amount of pain possible and that their screams are filling your entire lair!”

The image on the screen showed a hero tied up to a chair, looking absolutely terrified, while Demencia was doing various tactics on them like using thumb-screws to drill through their fingers, using a red hot iron rod to brand their skin, or reading bad fanfiction. All the while the hero seemed to be in extreme anguish. Demencia then added, “However, if the hero is somehow resilient, you can also do the same to the sidekick or family,” the drawings changed to her doing the same to those people, instead of the hero.

“Whichever one you do, the hero should be able to do whatever you wish after a whole 24 hours of torture, but if you’re as good as me, you’ll have it done in less than 30 minutes. Heroes are absolutely traumatized afterwards though, so make sure to throw them out afterwards,” drawing Dem was throwing the hero into the incinerator, “Although, that may be hard because most heroes are stupid and useless already to begin with. Right, Clemencia? ….Right!?”

…

Dem growled as she sharply turned to her, only to stop at seeing Clem holding onto herself and also shivering. Clemencia started tearing up and she stuttered, “I-I’m...I’m n-not useless….o-or….stupid...r-right?”

The lizard hybrid just bit her lip and looked away, causing Clem to whimper and then teleport out of there. Right as soon as she did, Flug came back into the lab, holding a cloth covered ice pack on his bagged face, and asked, looking around, “Hey, where did the poster child for insulin shots go to?”

He then noticed Demencia looking somewhat saddened and guilty, as if she made a mistake. Flug was about to reach out to her and ask if she was alright, but then suddenly the projector caught alight by red flames, as Black Hat rose from the flames. His eye completely black with a red, slitted pupil and his form shifting and changing as eyes, mouths, and tentacles appeared. The tentacles squeezed around the two, strangling them, and Cam-Bot quickly ran out out of there before it got taken. Black snarled at the two, “What is going on here!?”

Demencia made a stupid comment about Black Hat always taking her breath away, while Flug made his famous dying seal squeaks.

At White Hat’s manor, as the moon was rising, Clemencia hung half her torso off of the balcony connected to her room, sighing at all that Demencia said and wondering where exactly she went wrong. She messed with the bow on her ponytail, while her unicorn hoodie’s eyes started tearing up. She mumbled to herself, “Maybe I’m just too bubbly at times...and I doubt myself too much...and...I eat too much cake! Ugh! I need to change my ways! I need to get tough and more wild like Demmie!”

She then lifted up her body back up to the top and the moment that she did, she felt lips press against her cheek, as well as catching the scent of roses, spray paint, and raw meat. Clem summoned a large mallet and shouted, “How dare you steal Demencia’s scent!?”

She then looked around and saw nobody there, but did see a note placed onto the railing of the balcony. She tilted her head as she placed the mallet back into her hair and grabbed onto the note to see what it said: “I wasn’t talking about you being useless or anything like that, dum-dum! You’re pretty...alright. I just gotta keep up an image, ya know? Now stop being so emotional or else I’ll have to cuddle you! >:3c”

Clemencia blinked at the letter before her eyes turned into hearts and a dopey smile grew across her face, while hugging the paper close to her chest. Yeah, it wasn’t anything all that poetic, but it was absolutely beautiful in her eyes. She then looked down at at her balcony and noticed some red and green paint that was on the railing of where the note was. She turned the note around and saw red and green painted words that read: “By the way, got ya a surprise! Turn around!”

The unicorn witch spun around with a bright smile and saw a bomb with “Dem waz here” spray-painted onto it, making Clem coo, “Awwww, Demmie!!!”

I’ll probably make some fanfic about the other two...uh...*looks at hand* Shite Bat and Plug

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jlf23tumble · 5 years

Text

1D Day, Hour Three

Almost halfway through this hour, which is almost halfway through this day, is the point where Louis Tomlinson stops having fucks left to give and starts getting real. He’s still a professional throughout hour three (not like Harry in hour two, oof), but god, how??? Everything here is a disaster, and it’s infuriating when you consider that a) this must have been somewhat planned out (the band is HUGE, allegedly 32 million people are watching), and b) it’s being produced in LA, presumably with easy access to professionals who have had some experience with live shows (since, what, the 1930s???). Anyway, I would have loved to hear the choice words Louis no doubt had for Ben Winston when he ran away during one of the Google+ Hangouts, lmao.

When I first watched this two years back, Niall’s nervous laughter nearly drove me insane, but this time around, I’m loving the subtle nuances w/r/t wtf is happening on this here day as Louis’s rage starts to climb and Niall’s Slytherin core starts to emerge. Deets under the cut.

Niall and Louis literally burst through a paper wall to launch hour three and reveal Niall’s lilac hair (also revealed: the fact that Niall’s “a diva,” according to Louis). The color’s hardly even noticeable, but Niall’s all worked up about it, and I’m betting he had to do this because he has no tattoos, so everyone wanted to freak his Virgo ass out with something “permanent.”

The first bit is so tiresome (Louis’s childhood friend, Stan, forcing the Milkshake City staff to perform the world’s sleepiest version of “Rock Me”), but I’m a huge fan of Stan’s for the Larry purple dildo video alone (ICONIC; ping me if you need a link), plus I love the tidbit about the time Harry came in for a milkshake for himself and “a friend back at home.”

After we survive this long-ass bit of fill, Louis and Stan take the piss out of each other and banter a bit with Niall, which is all pretty hilarious and also makes me sad in the key of “oh how I wish that was me.”

Because it wasn’t at all tedious in hour one, it’s time for another Guinness Book of World Records challenge (Louis: “Of course it is”), this time balancing coins on faces. Hey, speaking of faces, did you know that men are at peak hotness between the ages of 32 and 36? This guy is 22 years old, doing the stupidest task ever, help me, Jeebus:

Next up is the randomizer, which randomly pulls celebrity videos, and this is when the in-ears start acting up for Louis, who’s midway through Robbie Williams asking them for the best live performer they’ve ever seen, prompting Louis to give Ben the evil eye off camera and go off script to say Michael Buble, ha.

Some random sports man (update: Doncaster Rovers manager) demands that they do pressups up and burpees, and Louis gives us a surprisingly strong and steady nine pressups before proving why he’s most relatable:

After fits of unnecessary laughter from Niall, and a lot of exasperation about the technical problems so far from Louis (friend, you’ve seen nowt yet), we get the best VT from this entire day, the iconic bts video for “Talk Dirty to Me,” and if you watch nothing from any of this, please tell me you’ve seen it in full for Zayn the goofball! Liam’s hanky code shoutouts! Harry’s hip chub! Louis and his glorious torso! Niall in full Farmer Ted mode!

Next up, we get astronauts congratulating the D from space, and whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean, honestly, WHY? Are these astronauts fans? Is anyone besides Niall into space? I know there’s an intense interest in making space interesting for teens (how many times have people on the international space station beamed their way into MTV award shows at this point), but whyyyyy.

Scott tells us we’ll soon see Doctor Who (mild interest from Nouis) and Simon Cowell (Louis: “SIMON COWELL, WOO HOO, I LOVE THAT GUY!” Niall: “Simon GROWL”), but first up is Doctor Who, and this is where the wheels fall off the bus, technically speaking. First, there’s a 15-minute delay (!!), so Nouis are standing around while the Doctor handles some other interview for the BBC. Eventually, they connect, and Louis makes the understatement of the year (“This is gonna be tough”) as both the video and audio go full Inception and echo in and around each other to make us all woozy:

Louis again understates the chaos happening on screen by saying, “I think actually that this is not working,” and then begging for any VT, they don’t care, help (the VT is Niall being all humblecholy about their success and Ireland and something something, I’m not actually interested, sorry).

We come back to Louis still losing it, curious as to how they can have a link to space but can’t have a studio in LA link to the BBC, and yeah. YEAH. But enough about that, it’s Google+ Hangout (lololololol) time, and we don’t get too many answers to these vital fan questions because Ben is in Louis’s ear so much that Louis starts arguing with him about it and eventually runs off stage to yell at him in person, and god, it’s glorious. READY 2 FIGHT:

Because this is an utter trainwreck, the team decides to do another live link again, this time to the X Factor while it’s airing in the UK, and it’s…yeah, not good. Just awful, cameras out of synch, no sound, etc. Save us, random VT of Denmark!!

Hearing Louis say “tits up” is my new religion, but honestly, this chitchat with McFly is such a revelation. Apparently, they worked with Niall on something, so they gossip with Louis about what a diva Niall is (!) and how he brought a friend of his named Shawn around (!!), and there’s a lot of inside jokes I know nothing about, but I’m LIVING for Niall looking at all these boys on the screen and saying, “I feel like I’m alone in my bedroom,” and Louis’s response, “Okay, Niall!”

“Don’t Forget Where You Belong” is announced, but we don’t get to hear it (although we DO get to see some sweet Nouis dancing), and two more girls go into the call box of doom. Because this show’s producers can’t go ten minutes without a disaster, there’s increasingly urgent screaming from Louis to Ben to just roll the Zayn graffiti VT, which takes at least a full, tense minute to post.

Zayn is incredibly hot, but my heart breaks for him saying it’s their 127th show, and he’s feeling inspired and creative to make art, and I just wonder how??? How are you not banging your head against a wall instead of painting it? Anyway, it’s a lot of spraypainting/artist au Zayn come to life, with Liam working out shirtless nearby and heaping praise on just about every single thing Zayn puts on the wall (awwwww). Also some nice Flicker reference points (Niall: “Zayn, will you draw a picture of me?” Zayn: “No. I don’t like you”). Ouch.

We come back to Rebecca, an opera singer who’s here to sing some tweets, and this is a horrible idea that Ben Winston stole from Jimmy Kimmel, right? When he used to have Josh Groban sing tweets a million years ago? Anyway, this ripoff doesn’t work because nobody can really understand the words, but credit to Louis for trying to cheat and speed this whole thing up:

When Rebecca finishes, Louis says he got emotional (Niall just laughs), and this poor girl says not to worry, she’ll do more later, and lmao at Louis: “Oh, OH, there’s more in store, Niall” (Niall: “Can’t wait”), sighhhhh, it’s torture for us all, tbh. Anyway, time for some Belgian VT and reinforcement that Louis’s part Belgian, which is why it’s super relevant, I guess.

The last bit is back to Dynamo, to redo the magic bit that failed with Harry in hour two. I’m still curious about this trick because there’s a piece of paper locked in this box (Harry’s dick holds the key to it), and tl/dr, Harry says April for the month an hour ago, but Louis says November, and sure enough, November plus all the other details are in this locked box. HMMMMM. Me as Harry’s finger delivering the key immediately in this segment, meaning he’s literally right there watching all of it. Pick someone supportive, etc.

Anyway, back to the trick, there’s a bit where Louis says he told Dynamo all this information earlier (Niall starts chewing his nails a bit ferociously at that), but then he backpedals brilliantly later about what an amazing, stunning trick, etc., and this group of sneaky liars, god, I love ‘em!

We get more terrible highlights, which sucks, because I kind of liked the way Louis was asking Niall what HIS highlights were, but never mind, let’s get Ben’s. I’ll leave you with this picture that makes me think of Louis hosting Family Feud, you know, the final round, when you have to see how your answers stacked up with a family member’s and if, together, you cleared 200 (“Name someone a person may confess a crime to”):

#recap #1d day #hour 3 #i would totally watch louis host family feud

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thedarklordmegatron · 5 years

Text

The Least I Can Do

Fandom: FFXV

Relationship: Implied Promptis

Brotherhood Era

Prompto’s terrified. No, scratch that, he’s about two seconds away from climbing the Citadel and throwing himself from the roof. He’s also 100% positive that whoever deemed it necessary to have their graduation televised is pure evil. Like, who honestly expects a bunch of 17 and 18 year olds to be happy with being on TV, just because the Crown Prince just so happens to be in their year, stupid nobles that’s who.

He groans softly and throws himself onto the bed, kicking his slacks and shirt aside in the process. There’s no way he’s going to be able to get through the whole ceremony. He’s going to embarrass himself by doing something stupid, trip up the stairs maybe, oh maybe knock someone off the stage! Now that would be interesting and something for the history books. He can see the headlines now ‘Niff attacks teacher at Prince’s Graduation’. Oh Six. Nope. That’s it. He’s just going to accept that he’ll never be graduating, while Noct’s at the ceremony he’s going to pack his bags, run away from Insomnia and start his life beyond the Wall as a professional Chocobo photographer.

“Whyyyyy” He laments, grabbing the nearest pillow and burying himself beneath it. His life’s going to end tomorrow morning.

Noct and Iggy are going to show up on his doorstep at 8am sharp, expecting him to be dressed and looking half-decent, as if that’s even possible when his best clothes are already three years old and too small; and they’ll run away in shame because how could he ever hope to stand beside his best friend when he looks as poor as his bank account says he is. Or maybe they just won’t let him graduate, that’s a possibility. Maybe the Principle will deem him too poor to stand among the nobles and the Prince, considering how amazing everyone else is going to look he won’t be surprised. They’ll just kick the poor Niff kid to the side like they always do. Hide him from view to make sure he can’t tarnish their perfect image. Not that he blames them, he’d do the same in their position.

He’s two seconds away from just giving up for the day, closing his curtains and pretending the world doesn’t exist when his doorbell rings. Moaning in frustration he slithers off of his bed and onto the floor, reluctant to face whoever decided to interrupt his internal lamentations. Did they not know it’s rude to interrupt a man while he’s contemplating his life choices? He makes an attempt to flatten his hair down as he stumbles down the staircase, taking it two steps at a time. He’d learnt months ago that getting to the door in record time is important especially considering the only people who ever come to his door are either debt collectors or someone coming to check the gas meter. Both of whom are super impatient and rarely willing to hang around just because the teenager living there was having a little breakdown.

The doorbell rings again, this time followed by three harsh knocks.

“Coming!” He shouts as he jumps the final three steps. Normally he’d spare a second to check who was on the other side before opening the door, but whoever it is sounds impatient enough already and he really doesn’t fancy getting into a fight. So he opens the door without a second thought, eager to get the conversation over and done with so he can get back to his bed sooner, and promptly freezes. There standing in his doorway with what is obviously a suit bag thrown over his shoulder, is Noctis.

“You going to let me in?” Noctis asks casually, shifting from one foot to the other. “Prom?”

“Oh, uh, yeah!” Nice save Prompto. Such intelligence, much wow. He steps aside allowing his best friend into his humble abode, which he’s only just realised looks like a tornado’s blown through it. Ramuh strike him down. He doesn’t even bother to try and explain away the mess, it’s not like Noct’s apartment is any better. Noctis doesn’t even hang around, he glides straight through the living room and up the staircase as though he owns the place, which he might as well considering how much of the furniture he’s insisted on buying over the past year.

“You coming?” Noctis calls, peeking over the edge of the staircase to look at him with a raised eyebrow. Oh right. Noctis. Suit bag.

“Yep!” He replies with a grin that was only half-forced before shutting the front door and bolting after his best friend. “So what’s up? Thought you had that thing with your dad this afternoon?”

“I do but it’s not til five.” Prompto digs his phone out of his back pocket to glance at the time, 2.38, plenty of time he supposes; although he does stil set an alarm for 3.50 to make sure they don’t lose track of time.

“Still doesn’t explain why you’re here.” He jokes, sliding past Noct to take his rightful place on top of his Chocobo bedding. Noctis just looks between him and the crumpled clothing on the edge of his bed. “Don’t judge me.” He huffs but he does scramble to his feet and put the clothes away. Noctis just laughs and flattens out the bedding so he can lay the suit bag down.

“Iggy dropped this off this morning, thought you’d want it today rather than panicking tomorrow morning.” He explains, unzipping the bag and presenting Prompto with what had to be the most expensive suit he’d ever seen. Prompto’s not sure how long he stands there just staring at it, his mouth agape but it’s long enough that Noctis snorts and elbows him in the side. “Come on dork, try it on.”

Wait. What?

“What?” Noctis rolls his eyes but smiles all the same.

“This,” He says slowly motioning to the suit “Belongs to you” He points at Prompto. Okay, what? He’s no fashionista, but Prompto’s quite sure that the fabric isn’t just a cheap cotton or something similar that he could have picked up from a store.

“Noct,” Prompto says breathlessly. He can’t accept it, not when Noctis has quite literally kitted out his entire home in the last year. Not when he’s made sure that there’s permanently food in his cupboards, that his heating is always on and his roof will always be over his head. It’s too much. Six damn it, it’s too much. He’s not quite sure how it happens but one moment he’s standing in front of his wardrobe, biting his lip, and the next he’s on the floor crying with Noctis’ arms wrapped around him.

“Hey Prom, it’s okay.” Noctis soothes, rubbing his back and gently nuzzling the top of his head.

“It’s too much Noct,” Prompto sobs as he buries his face in the soft fabric of Noctis’ t-shirt “I don’t deserve any of this! I don’t deserve the suit, the food, you.” He knows Noctis knows it’s true, he has to. Surely someone in the Citadel noticed how much the Crown Prince has been spending on the stupid Niff pleb, if no one else Ignis had to have picked up on it by now. There’s no way Noctis could order so many things for him and have it go unnoticed.

Apparently he’d been speaking aloud because Noctis moves quicker than he’s ever done before and takes his face in his hands. “It’s never enough.” He says firmly, a steely determination in his eyes. “I’d give you the world if I could Prom. Bahamut knows you deserve more than that.”

“But I’m a Niff!” Prompto protests, though the intended impact is somewhat lessened by his less than attractive crying.

“No you aren’t. You’re a Lucian citizen but more importantly you’re you. You’re my best friend who puts up with me when I’m the worst person on this planet. You got yourself kidnapped trying to protect me and didn’t tell them anything when they hurt you.” Noctis pauses “I don’t...nothing I do is ever going to be enough to repay you for everything you’ve done for me Prom. Let me do this for you. Please Prom.” And Gods he’s weak. Logically he knows he should tell Noctis to stop buying things for him, to turn away the suit and just wear his original outfit, even if it meant being the worst-dressed at their graduation. Hell he should have just never approached Noct in the first place, kept himself to himself and ignored Lady Lunafreya’s request. “If you think it’s too much we can always get something else, or I can lend you one of mine if you don’t want something brand new.” Noctis rambles on.

Prompto takes a moment to look over the suit, barely visible from where they’re sprawled on the floor. It’s a gorgeous suit if he’s completely honest with himself, and something that he’d never have dreamt of wearing to his graduation. Not to mention it was something Noctis, and apparently Ignis, had thought about and arranged for the sole purpose of making his day that little bit better.

“I don’t know when I’d wear it again.” He finally admits with a sniffle and it’s not a lie. It’s not like he has hundreds of galas and formal events to attend like Noctis and Ignis do, hell the most formal event he’d ever been to was Noctis’ private birthday party in the arcade.

“Ignis says it’s always handy to have a decent suit on hand,” Noctis mutters “Never know when you might need one.”

“Like tomorrow” Prompto jokes weakly

“Like tomorrow.” Noctis agrees with a small smile. “I can take it back if you really don’t want it.”

“I do but…” Prompto pauses, though he’s not quite sure why he does.

“But?” Noctis prompts.

“Is it really okay for me to have it? Like, won’t I look out of place in something that I clearly haven’t bought myself. People will start to think that I’m using you for your money.” Noctis just shrugs and pulls him into a hug.

“I don’t care what they think, neither do dad, Iggy or anyone else who matters. It’s your call though Prom, I’m not going to make you accept something you don’t want.”

“Like my couch?”

“Dude, that thing was a death trap. Gladio said so himself.”

“Yeah well the Big Guy was the one who broke it!”

“A mouse could have broken that couch Prom.” Noctis huffs and honestly he’s not wrong. It was a horrible old couch that had been in the house for as long as he could remember. Knowing his parents, it was probably already there when they bought the place and they just didn’t see the point in replacing it when they weren’t going to be round to use it. “So, suit?”

Prompto smiles, finally allows himself to relax in Noctis’ arms “I’ll wear it so long as you work some Princely magic to make sure I’m not going to be the first one up on stage tomorrow.” The joys of having a surname beginning with the letter ‘A’.

Noctis just laughs and holds him a little tighter “I think we can arrange something. Principle McKellan was trying to convince me to go first anyway, something about appeasing the press.”

“My hero.” Prompto laughs.

He’ll never understand what he did to deserve a friend as wonderful and caring as Noctis. However, Prompto does know one thing for certain, he'll spend the rest of his life making sure Noctis knows just how much he’s appreciated, and if that means finally filling out those Crownsguard application forms he’s had in his desks for months now, well, it’s the least he can do.

#prompto argentum #Noctis Lucis Caelum #promptis #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #ffxv #brotherhood promptis #implied promptis #vex writes #final fantasy #the queuest queue that ever did queue

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roxannepolice · 6 years

Text

What’s in a name? Kylo Ren as a sentient simulacrum

If my cultural sociologist’s heart soared when Ren turned out to be a heroine of postmodern time, Kylo Ben had my brain from the moment his parentage was revealed. Because this – this here, ladies and gentlemen, is a specimen of its own kind – a sentient simulacrum on a quest to destroy its meaning. And doing a terribly good job, judging by what the viewers think. Because he represents another tempting demon of postmodernity – a belief that everything is a matter of agreement and thus, of will and all one has to do is have a will strong enough to subjugate all of reality to its knees. This is nietzschean ubermensch in all his glory of overestimating the power of will and consciousness, things we have become obsessed with believing in. Kylo Ren isn’t a complicated answer to a question what would Anakin’s and Padme’s grandson and Han’s and Leia’s son grow up to be?, he’s a very ready made, willed, chosen answer to a question what would Darth Vader’s grandson be?

Objectively speaking, there’s every stake against Kylo Ben. He killed his father in a story about familial love. He’s in charge of evil empire in a story about fighting evil. He’s hinted at a romance in a story where romances ended in tragedy. But such is a nature of simulation: it laughs in the face of objectivity. It knows every objective symptom and has already found a way to cause it without referring to the core. Hypoerbolically speaking, everything objective can be faked and as such lies within simulation’s power. Simulation is something different from pretending. Pretending can be objectively revealed for what it is. You pretend that you had a good sleep by putting ice cubes and concealer under your eyes, your problems with focus will still be apparent. You simulate a good sleep by drinking enough coffee to seem – and FEEL – awake. And yes, Kylo Ben is totally the type of person who drinks coffee as black as his soul because sleep is for the weak. A simulacrum won’t recognise itself for what it is because it believes itself to be its only meaning. All that matters are the appearances. And it won’t drop the act when it’s not observed, because it’s always acting for itself. If anything, it’s precisesly other eyes that will see the bs. We’re all amazing actors in our own heads. The problem is to be ones for a different audience.

Take the moment he drops his mask during the bridge scene. You’re right to read it as consciously symbolic gesture. But the act isn’t for Han, at least, not only, it’s for him. He doesn’t need the mask to do what he’s about to do. It’s him, Kylo Ren who has already destroyed Han Solo’s weak and foolish son, about to commit another conscious, willful action. He won’t feel remorse.

He does very much feel remorse. There is no one close enough to him in that moment for him to fake it. This is a rebellion, albeit overdue and still passive, of the self against ego’s will, of meaning against simulacrum.The best metaphor of a difference between a meaning and a simulacrum in Star Wars is basically Ben Solo and Kylo Ren. So, should we feel safe that in a story destroying the simulacra bendemption is sure?

I’m not going to sugar coat it for you – it’s not.

In fact, if you’ve ever heard an antibendemption argument that made terrifyingly much sense, there’s a good chance someone who made it has a degree of knowledge about postmodern thought. Because Kylo Ben has been as much of a ready made redemption material as FO has been ready made villains. He’s literally the grandson of the redemption of this saga. And isn’t the hero worship of Skywalkers the best sign that they’re one of the husks that need to burn for the meaning to reemerge? Truthfully, a strong redemption needs an unredeemed counterpart, a Judas in The Second Testament, to really hit home. Yes, the Skywalkers are what created the basic messages of the saga, now let them go away and continue their essence detached from the husks, preferably leaving a strong warning in the last generation. Anakin’s redemption was the original one, now let it be carried by the likes of Galen, Bodhi and, according to some idiots, Finn, not his own bloodline.

There’s just one problem. Anakin’s not redeemed.

Let that sink in.

Anakin’s redemption did not take place

I don’t want to generalize, but I make a solid guess that most people on tumblr who identify with protagonists of the sequels are in their 20s to 30s., so Anakin’s redemption was a cultural given in our lives. Yeah, he’s done some bad things but in the end he loved Luke and died for him, and anyway, he’s shown as a force ghost in the end (anyone still remembering the old Anakin on Endor?), so he’s fine. What a heartwarming story of redemptive power of love! One that we’ve been rewatching whenever world seemed completely wrong, perhaps the story that helped us forgive people who’ve hurt us, one that has given us so much hope...

did not happen.

Arite, let’s have a look at what exactly was Darth Vader forgiven for, back in 1985:

walking into a room full of already dead people

choking one good guy

apparently he killed some jedi including Luke’s dad who knows how long time ago (I mean, to a 5 year old me Luke could have been anywhere from 15 to 35 years old)

being locked up with Leia and some syringed ball? they called it a mind probe later?

passively watching destruction of Alderaan which was aaaaaawesome one moment the planet was there and then pew pew it was gone

uuh... swinging his lightsaber at disappearing Obi-Wan?

piloting one of the TIEs during a military situation

choking some imperial officers, who cares

organising the worst “meet the in-laws” dinner in history

ordering Han to be frozen in carbonite

cutting off Luke’s arm, he gets a new one some 15 minutes later

he’s actually Luke’s dad?!?????

he does nothing in RotJ. nothing. oh, ok, he says “sister” in a creepy manner, it’s your daughter you’re talking about, you creep

So yeah. This is what he had to be narratively forgiven when he saved Luke and got his ass killed in the process. Additionally, the man who appears as a force ghost is around the same age as Obi-Wan, so 60? maybe even 70? Clearly, if he became Luke’s dad around the time he became Darth Vader, he couldn’t have been serving the empire for more than one third of his life and kicked ass with the good guys for the remaining two thirds. I’m so glad he found the absolution he clearly deserved.

And then prequels happened. And we got Anakin killing a whole village of sand people (off screen), slaughtering some 20 children (off screen), expressing desire to make the Empire his own and choking his pregnant wife because he had a bad dream. And this is only his record on the day he turns to the dark side. He’s in his twenties at a time, which means that he has spent half of his life as Darth Vader.

Uhmmmm... no one said anything about killing children back in the 80s, right? But still, we can go with this. Because Anakin’s fall was tailored for his redemption – induced by possessive love for his wife, undone by selfless love for his son, manipulated just enough to be forgiven, terrible just enough for the payment to be his life. And anyway, there’s the whole prophecy thing. Thus originals and prequels form a complete story of Anakin’s fall and redemption. Apparently.

Because then sequels happen! Yahoo! And there was Vader 2.0, wow he can actually freeze blaster bolts in the air, impressive, anyway, can’t wait for the next generation of Skywalkers to appear. UUh, but there’s something wrong. Village isn’t slaughtered off screen, we watch the fire and hear the screams... Oh and then there’s the mind probe scene and mind probe is apparently a painful psychological violation, giving people connotations with rape... Vader 2.0 is this trilogy’s Skywalker?!!!!! Oh, and the destruction of Hosian system is nothing cool, there are terrified people on Couruscant... whaaaaaaaaa, he killed Han Solo, WHYYYYY?!!!!!!!! Oh anyway, maybe he’s adopted, Rey is the one worthy of being saint Anakin’s grandchild.

I think you get the drift. Violence is presented much more realistically in the sequels than either originals or prequels and consequently viewers are willing to see Kylo Ben as more evil than Darth Anakin – even though, appealing to the reason, Anakin has been serving the Empire for two decades which for Kylo to equal he would have to have joined FO when he was 10. But that’s it – we must not underestimate the power of visual representation. Describing something, insinuating it off screen simply doesn’t have the same impact as playing it out before our eyes. Still, after TFA it’s still simple to just say Kylo Ben IS more irredeemable than Darth Anakin.

But then Rouge One happens and Darth Vader shows himself as a goddamn killing machine he has always been, cutting and choking rebels like they’re butter. More, he chokes Krennic into subjugation, which has a completely different vibe to it than his anger/force insult it’s his dad you’re talking about! induced chokes in originals – this here is deliberate abuse of power. And of course, there are all the remaining extended materials showing Vader as an actually evil character – not one we’re told is evil, only actually doing evil things.

So ask yourselves this – if Anakin’s story unfolded itself chronologically and with sequels’ uncensored depiction of war, if we have actually seen the Tuskans burn and scream in agony, if clone wars weren’t softened by villains being droids, watched all the padawans die at Anakin’s hand, then were granted 20 years of abuse of power, watched Leia get “mind raped” by man we knew to be her father, seen terror of Alderaanians, had prequels’ Obi-Wan for our childhood’s hero, force choking wasn’t framed as a pythonic comic relief, knew Vader cut off his son’s arm knowing the pain it gives and discovered that he’s still as power hungry as twenty years earlier – would Anakin’s redemption feel earned at the end? Would it feel real? Would it have that cathartic hopeful power which became franchise’s legacy? Because what, he didn’t let his kid get fried in front of him? He, who burned the world because he dreamt of his wife’s death? Or because he died early enough to not overtake the Empire?

Anakin’s redemption did not take place. Franchise’s message has been a lie all along – or a hypocrisy because why would Anakin and his mighty Skywalker blood grandson get redeemed but Dooku or Maul not? Clearly, Vader has done more evil than these two combined and Kylo Ren is now Palpatine 3.0 showing he was after power all along. Anakin’s force ghost? An illusion for children.

But it’s ok. Lies can give lasting fruits. Growing up is accepting they’re lies and going on with your life.

#star wars #simulacra #kylo ren #ben solo #reylo #anakin skywalker #darth vader

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esseastri · 7 years

Text

Megan Reads Oathbringer (part 2)

Onwards and onwards, my friends

Part two encompasses pages 90-144 (previous parts)

Alyx: How did you STOP??? And go to slEEP??? Me: Well, I hit a Shallan chapter, so it actually wasn’t that hard...

Here we go

I’m actually hoping that this book will maybe?? make me like Shallan more?? again? I mean. I’ve had a lot of time to ruminate on the reasons I dislike her, but maybe she’ll get better. maybe she’ll grow. Maybe she’ll realize she‘s been a prejudiced berk and recognize her privilege and I WON’T have to write that essay on why it bothers me when people in fandom pedestal her.

ANYWAY HERE WE GO

I realize the epigraphs are, like...some dude who wrote a book in-universe about the sword, but I can’t help reading it as Brandon talking about this book, in a meta kind of way.

“You can hate me. I understand.” NOOOOOO I WANNA HUG HIM LET ME HUG THIS HUMMING, INCORPOREAL SPREN BOY

BRIGHTLORD BROODING-EYES

PLS CHILD

Me: WTH THEY KNOW SHE’S A LIGHTWEAVER???? WHY IS SHE CALLING HERSELF AN ELSECALL--oh. oh, that makes sense.

Just read the next sentence, Megan, usually, stuff works out.

okay, here’s the thing. We know the Recreance happened. We know the Radiants all gave up their Shards and killed their spren and it’s called the betrayal of humankind, but I’m just curious... if...how do I word this. If the Desolations are connected to there being Radiants around--if the two things are causal and reactionary--then...wouldn’t the Recreance have been a good thing? A thing to stop the Desolations?

I’m just curious how much of their history is revisionist or, you know, lies. Or misinterpretations, at the very least. A lot of their records got wiped out. Repeatedly. I’m just wondering if the record of the Radiants being the good guys was one of those.

Shallan: “It is quite possible to remain properly feminine while fulfilling my duties as a night.” Scout lady: butbutbut...I wanna be butch

Renarin still wearing his Bridge Four uniform makes me haaappyyyyy

THE BOY IS GOOD

“If anyone would be able to go about intimidating forces of nature, it would be you.” I mean. He outdaded the Stormfather by doing exactly this, so.

Radiants working together to do cool things!!!!! AAHH!!!!

I’m genuinely concerned by who we’re going to appoint OUR champion, when Odium’s arrives and we have to do one-on-one combat with it. ‘Cause like....you know Dalinar wants to do that himself. But Adolin is the Dueling Boy. That’s what he does?? And I’m... CONCERN

ooooooooh has Renarin seen the bad champion? nine-shadows man? he seems familiar with the concept at least...

PHEW the Aimian Oathgate was destroyed. Listen, it’s not that I don’t want Aimia to be protected or helped, I just. Don’t. want. 2000-cremlings-in-a-trench-coat just...hanging around.

oh no

oooohhhh noooooo

another?? murder?

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR MURDER MYSTERY PLOT IN MY EPIC FANTASY

ADOLIN HOLDING SHALLAN’S HAND IS A LOT I’M HERE FOR IT THE MUTUAL COMFORT IS A GOOD

but also: Adolin. my boy. please, it’ll be okay. you will be okay.

“This has to be the same killer” DOES IT THOUGH? What possible reason would Adolin have for continuing a murderspree.

I’m

this is. what, framing? Trying to make it seem like Adolin is doing more bad? Copycat trying to pin their crimes on whoever got Sadeas so it’s rolling into one investigation instead of kept separate?

I’M CONCERN

ABOUT

MY BOY

“She had forgotten he was with them.” Full offense, but how do you just. forget. Renarin exists. Shallan, please.

NO I DON’T WANT THIS

I DON’T

HOW DID I PREDICT THIS I WROTE THIS BECAUSE IT WAS SAD NOT BECAUSE I WANTED IT I DON”T WANT THIS

“You want me...to investigate Sadeas’ murder?” I WANT TO HUG ADOLIN A LOT

I DON’T

DALINAR TRUSTS HIM SO MUCH SO SO MUCH AND I’M

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Renarin knows, doesn’t he? He can see the lie...

I’M

Kaladin is smiling and I’m emotional about it.

Kaladin is chuckling and I’m EMOTIONAL ABOUT IT.

The Sylblade!!!! I love it

I also really love the idea of him using the sword as a symbol and then suDDENLY getting into a fight and like...as he swings the sword it turns into a spear. I want this in my life very much.

why would the stormforms steal grain though?

I mean, I get that they need to eat, but like... they’ve been deliberately NOT attacking any of the towns and when the did “attack” it was just to steal grain. Not to hurt people.

tHIS is exactly why I ain’t calling them Voidbringers. Not yet. These are just stormform. Something much worse is coming.

That black sphere is too ominous.

“She must be desperate living out here. I mean, look at you. Hair that hasn’t been combed since you flew across the continent, uniform stained with crem, and that beard.” I REALLY LOVE SYL BUT ALSO: SCRUFFY KALADIN IS HOT AND YOU CAN PRY SCRUFFY KALADIN FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

SYL PLEASE

oh no, Syl, don’t ship Shalladin, we all know that’s a bad idea on sooo many levels.

“Yes, well, let’s have somone swing around the corpse of your sisters by the feet, and we’ll see whether you consider it a ‘mark of bad character’ or not.” AAAHHHHHHH OWW

I’m still SO MAD THAT BRANDON KILLED OFF SUREBLOOD. WHAT DID THE BIG ROCK HORSE EVER DO TO YOU, BRANDON

Let Adolin be happy 2k17!

AAHH THE BROS

I LOVE THE BROS IT’S SUCH A POSITIVE SIBLING RELATIONSHIP THEY’RES SO SUPPORTIVE OF EACH OTHER AND SO REASSURING AND AAAHH

I love them

eeyyyyyyyy, Glysblade! EEEYYY REGROWTH!!!!!

YOU GOT THIS, REN, AAHHH

eeyy, punk!Dalinar

omg

he got his Plate by.......kicking. a guy. off a cliff. I’m. DALINAR, PLS.

I MEAN WHEN YOUR GENERAL STRATEGY IS “MORE BRUTALITY SO THAT PEOPLE FALL IN LINE BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO GET PILLAGED” YOU GOT PROBLEMS

no wonder the Alethi aren’t very united. rule by fear is never very successful in the long run.

also, Sadeas can fuck right the hell off oh my god

Admiral Akbar voice: It’s a trap!

oh, hey, I was right

honestly, how the heck did Dalinar survive his wild and misspent youth?

This asshole they’re fighting diDN’T TELL HIS CITIZENS HE WAS GOING TO DROP A CANYON WALL ON THEM?? ?DIDN”T EVACUATE THEM??? WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT KIND OF RULER

WHAT A FUCK

AAHH THE ARCHER GUY HE RECRUITED IN THE FIRST FALSHBACK IS TELEB!!!! I’M!!!! EMOTIONAL!!!!!!

“He wouldn’t put it past them to attack him once he was distracted with the duel. It was what he himself would have done.” PUNK!DALINAR WAS KINDA OF A JERK OMG???

he didn’t... murder the small child

did he?

what the fuck

Dalinar. what the.

fuck

I’m mad at Dalinar. I’m really mad at him. oh my god. just. THAT’S A BAD YOU DID A BAD AND I REALIZE THAT HE HAD DONE BAD STUFF BUT LIKE. THE KID WAS VERY SMALL, DALINAR. AND I’M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I’m telling you guys, stormform isn’t the final evolution. You gotta level up your parshman to Voidbringer, okay? and to do that, you need to lose x-number of battles with wild voidspren.

I never even played Pokemon, but I sure do know how to make a reference.

The constant theme in this book--at least in Kaladin and Dalinar’s chapters so far--has been “Do better/Be better” and I just...they’re both so good already, in the present, they’re both such genuinely Good human beings, and I just. That they want to be better is just. so. inspiring.

Theylenah has a queen and I have literally just met her and I love her.

I love hheeerrrrr

swearing and being direct and writing things bigger and underlining them to get he tone across, WHAT A DELIGHT I LOVE HER

THEY STOLE THE SHIPS??? whyyyyy

what are they doing where are they going what is the plan here

poor Dalinar. having to do politics.

Elhokar is being a dramatic baby.

Like, he sort of has the right to it, but also: buddy. my dude. my guy. you gotta grow up. I’m sorry. But you really do.

HIGH KING DALINAR THE MAGNIFICENT

I...listen, this is probs a good thing? because Dalinar should be in charge. But also... kiidddooooooo.

OH SNAP This is actually not a bad idea...send Elhokar to go do something useful for his actual kingdom in his actual home... and get a bonus Oathgate out of the deal? This is actually a really sound idea.

tho what radiant r u sending with him

or will we finally admit that he is a radiant.

come ooonnnnn

“Aesudan is there; if the rioting is still happening, she’s fighting against it.” IS SHE THOUGH? ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE SHE’S NOT THE CAUSE??

omg.

Elhokar requesting Kaladin like “he can save the city after I fail” BBY 1. you will not fail!! 2. god, that hero crush. pls.

SEE, just give him purpose and the opportunity to prove himself and he’s actually a very eager puppy of a king.

NOOOOO

NO NO NO NONOOOO OO

THAT ‘S THE WORST IDEA

DON’T BRING HIM HERE

HE’S EEVIIILLLL

NOOOOOO

NOT TARAVANGIAN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO NO

less stuff needs to be happening. this was only, like, 50 pages, and I’ve got enough liveblog to post this?? there IS SO MUCH GOING ON IN THIS BOOK OH MY GOSH I LOVE IT

#op #Megan reads OB #Oathbringer spoilers #ladyknightliveblogs #there is SO MUCH #and I am SO EMOTIONAL #and GAAAAAHHHHH #Oathbringer #Stormlight Archive #Brandon Sanderson

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theabominableblogger · 6 years

Text

Rewatching “Batman Returns”

*zips up coat* Welp, it’s snowy out. It snows a lot in this movie. Might as well watch it cause Netflix put all the other Burton-Schumacher movies up.

*in best Han Solo voice* I got a bad feeling about this....

[Mr. Cobblepot stands in front of the window as his wife is giving birth in another room] *in best Pee Wee Herman voice* PEE WEE?!? What are you doing here?!?

YOU LOCKED THE BABY [Oswald] IN A CAGE?!?

I feel like this movie gets even more Tim Burton-y as it goes on.

*jams along to the Batman theme*

Yeah no way. That baby’s dead. End of movie.

Stan Winston!

So... the Batman opens with the creation of the Penguin.

*nods*

DC Comics *ding*

[Directed by Tim Burton] Yes, we know!

Matte painting!

“Man or Myth: Or is he?” Bum bum BUUUUUMMMMMM!!

Hey Alfred!

Is that Felix the Cat as the logo for Shreck?

Oh my Godddd, Christopher Walken....

“Frankly, I [Shreck] cringe, Mr. Mayor.” It needs more cowbell!

You can tell they tried to make Michelle Pfeiffer really frumpy before she put on the Catsuit

The dude who plays Schreck’s son is trying his darn best to replicate Christopher Walken’s accent

“Remind me [Shreck] to take it out on what’s-her-name.” You had her [Selina] as your secretary for God knows how long and you don’t know her name?

Ominous red lighting...

*The clown henchmen run out of the giant present* I SAW DOUG JONES!

I totally forgot that @actordougjones was in this movie! Holy crap!

Ohhhh that’s an awesome shot!

I wanna be that one random clown henchman just casually walking down the street on stilts and completely ignoring everything that’s going on.

“That was very brief. Just like all the men in my life.”

Of course there’s a graveyard in this movie.

Wait, isn’t that one sculpture the one thing that pops up in Beetlejuice?

Gotta admit, the makeup on Danny Devito looks awesome

“You [Shreck] and I [Oswald] are similar.” You both have hair.

“What, is that [umbrella] supposed to hypnotize me [Shreck]?” I literally just had that same thought.

Wait so if Penguin doesn’t know his human name, how do his henchmen address him? Do they just call him “Penguin-Man” all the time?

“Honey, I’m home! Oh, I forgot- I’m not married.” Gotta hammer it in that she’s single

I want that black cat like now

Why does Selina have a pair of tomatoes in the window?

WHY WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR CAT MILK?!?

Why would you [Selina] even open the protected files?

Worst. Secretary. Ever.

Green screen!

Yep, nope, she [Selina] dead. There should a puddle of blood around her.

Here’s a fun fact: cats will eat your dead body. No joke.

Those tights are covered in runs. Selina, were you even thinking while getting dressed this morning?

So is she [Shreck] just repeating the actions that she did before Shreck tried to kill her.

“... a candlelight staff meeting for two.” Holy crap, how did I never catch that?

WHY ARE YOU SHREDDING THE STUFFED ANIMALS?!? ESPECIALLY THE SOCK MONKEY?!?

Though in all seriousness, if she did shred them in the sink like this, she’d only get like half of one properly shredded. Pretty sure sink shredders don’t work like that.

Where did the random black spray paint come from?

Is that wire?

“I don’t know about you, Ms. Kitty, but I feel so much yummier.” Who wrote the script for this?

Hi Doug Jones!

So the Penguin is on this rising duck mechanism but then he’s able to pop fully out of the sewer in the sidewalk and step out? Did his seat have a rising platform as well?

For a Batman movie, I’m 35 minutes in, and there hasn’t been a lot of Batman.

If Penguin doesn’t know his birth name, how the heck is he gonna find his parents in the public records?

Snowwww... all the snow...

I’m digging the top hat Penguin has

Are those black roses Penguin’s putting on his parents’ grave? Of course they are.

“I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two...” Oh my God...

So how is Selina able to beat up dudes when she even says that this is her first time doing that?

Can’t Bruce just sit next to Shreck or something so that he doesn’t have to toss the report across the table?

Freaking Bruce’s mouth stays open the entire time Selina is in the room. Close it before a fly goes in!

So if Shreck were “the people’s man,” shouldn’t he have let Oswald finish eating the raw fish upstairs in his den before escorting him down to the surprise?

And why is Oswald’s hideout above a public workplace?

Why would you elect Oswald mayor anyway? Why would Gotham ever think that this was a good idea in the first place?!?

“I’d like to fill her void.” Noooooooooooooooo......

Did Shreck just reference the Reichstag fire? Buddy, no.....

Doggie!

Gotham looks so much smaller than it did in the first movie

*Batman programs the Batarang to hit all four people* Whaaaattt?

Most iconic shot of the whole movie.

Where’d she get the whip?

*Catwoman starts jump roping with the whip* I mean... same though.

Wilhelm Scream!

He [Batman] just killed that dude!

Why does the store have a functioning microwave out in the first place? At night time?

“Meow.” Fun story: so my dad and my sister I were watching this on FX and my dad refused to leave the hotel for supper until after this scene because he thought this part was hilarious.

It’s [the Penguin’s umbrella] actually a helicopter...

*instant Star Wars Rebels flashbacks*

Matte painting!

Is that actually eyeshadow Michael Keaton’s wearing underneath the cowl?

*actually turns off the volume when Oswald flirts with one of the younger voters*

“Just the pussy I’ve been looking for.” What was the age demographic for this movie again?

*Catwoman starts giving herself a bath* Eewwwww....

I want Selina’s coat like now.

“Who are you [Oswald]?” The dude’s running for mayor, and you don’t know him?

“Sickos don’t scare me. At least they’re committed.” “Well.. yeah...” I mean...

“I will relay the message.” Alfred is the best wingman imaginable.

Gotta get out the rubber cowl...

So how the heck was Penguin able to break into the Batmobile if he hadn’t even seen it before?

*The Ice Princess falls right on top of the fuse box* Yeah, no, she’s dead.

*quotes the mistletoe quote*

[Catwoman literally licks Batman across the mouth] *barely audible* Whyyyyy.....

“Let’s consummate this fiendish union.” Nooooooo....

Now that I think about it, this movie is basically 70% one-liners and sexual innuendos

Oh, now the Batmobile detects a foreign object?

There’s a poster in the crowd that says “Oswald Means Order”

“Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave?” He’s [Bruce] got a point there, Alfred.

[Frequency Jammed] Is it raspberry?

When the heck did Batman record Oswald during the Batmobile takeover?

OK guys, who brought the lettuce? Is there always a random farmer’s market who always hangs out at important speeches for that reason only?

“Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?!?” Exactly!

“Did you miss me?” Andrew Scott said it better.

“I am not a human being! I am an animal!” Why you gotta try and reference “The Elephant Man” like that?

Did I just hear the opening notes for “Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer?

I like the dude in the background that has the the Leaning Tower of Pisa as part of his mask

Mask of the Red Death in the background! And on a staircase nonetheless!

*sings* WHY SO SILENT, GOOD MONSIEURS....

I want Selina’s dress. I don’t care that it’s probably gonna show off my scoliosis but that’s a super nice dress.

Batman even has his own customized stationary?

“Many of you won’t be coming back.” Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice... I am willing to make!

*jams out to the Batman theme once again*

Fun fact: they used actual penguins for this scene when they’re running around with firecrackers on their backs. But not actual firecrackers because hello, what’s wrong with you?

“Estimated casualties 100,000 people.” I think the most we’ve ever seen in this movie concerning the townspeople is like 50 or something.

Random question: how come we never see Penguin actually swim?

*The duck boat thing drives up the stairs* Would that even be possible?

Oh, so Batman comes out of the crash totally fine? Dude, your cowl is freaking rubber!

*Penguins sets off the firecrackers attached to the penguins* WHY?!?!? YOU KNEW THAT THEY WERE STANDING LIKE TWENTY FEET AWAY FROM YOU!

*The Arctic World sign collapses* No, not the polar bear!

*Bruce tears off the main part of his cowl*

So how does the whole actual nine lives left? Selina got shot in the shoulder and side, so those aren’t kill shots. So technically, she still has four lives left instead of two.

*Bruce finds Shreck’s electrocuted corpse* Wow, “Mars Attacks” looks horrible, you guys.

I’m pretty sure Oswald’s just spitting up green goo or something because that’s definitely not blood.

“I need a cold drink of ice water.” Those are terrible dying words

Netflix just captioned the mourning penguin noises as “Awk Awk”

Aaawww the cat!

Why do you have the front passenger window open, Alfred? Bruce is gonna be freezing sitting in the back.

*Catwoman looks up toward the Batsignal* There ya go

#batman returns #the blogger reacts #Michael Keaton #batman #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #catwoman #selina kyle #michelle pfeiffer #christopher walken #Tim Burton #oswald copplepot #the penguin #Danny Devito #Stan Winston #Doug Jones

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powerborntouch · 7 years

Text

Distression reacts to “Minecraft Purge - Herobrine’s Ritual Episode 23”

Gizzy’s video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxbUFm0RRVw

SEASON THREEEEEEEEE

I have not had the time to watch Minecraft Purge. But now I’m really in the mood to watch the series, so I set off some time for it!

Herobrine’s not a YouTuber, but I’m excited. I love the “special guest as the villain” style episodes of Purge.

Anyyyyyyways, no more delay! Time to react!

It’s a cult. It’s a cult. It’s a cult.

Nice skins.

omg, Minimuka’s really good at voicing Herobrine.

I feel bad for the victim. I was sad when he died.

“not the first time I found love. Wouldn’t be the last time that I lost some.” Daaang, this song fits Purge. I need to find the full version. It sounds like the same band that made the previous song, so I may be able to find it. (Found it. It’s Ghost by Alex and The Talai Lama (same band than made Heroes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpxH7LIFDbo)

Seeing Arthur in the intro... ;_;

That flow of exposition though.

Wow, Gizzy wasn’t joking about the money issue. Is Doug one of Herobrine’s cult members?

Wow, already breaking the fourth wall.

Go Gizzy! Go! Already feeling the tension. Woo!

I love how Doug resorts to violence instead of suing.

Belle! Your voice changed!

Holy shiz. Gizzy’s building suspense with that phone call. I’m so curious. I wonder if the “no signal” thing means something. I think the phone call is supernatural and Herobrine’s doing.

I think Gizzy’s been tricked to thinking that Jordan, Cor and Nancy returned.

Darko: We are so safe! ...but is Ace still nearby? Oh dear, Ace can backstab them if he wanted to.

Rachel, be safe! Don’t die!!!! Nooooo, don’t follow him.

I wish Rachel showed more emotion during the encounter.

Wait, why does Ace want to die? Sudden motivation change? Character development?

Marked? A/ntichr/ist? Daaaang, Ace, you seriously worshiped A/ntichr/ist after you lost your family?

“Yes, I did worship Acid” ...Ace never had protection before in his life Ace, are you OK? Do you want to talk about it?

Ace isn’t even defending himself. Betraying A/ntichr/ist isn’t even a misunderstanding. He literally worshiped a god, and then replaced that god with Acid. Wow.

...I have mixed feelings about this character development. It seems really forced. It would be better if it was foreshadowed better in season 2. Like, I knew Ace was loyal, but season 2 should have emphasized that he literally worshiped Acid like a god. But since it didn’t happen, so this character development just feels convenient. Not deep.

Same Rachel. Same.

Hmm. It makes sense that Gizzy values knowing his dad more than protecting his life.

Nooooo, why cliffhanger. Whyyyyy.

Jordan: *record scratch* *freeze frame* Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation...

Seriously though, that happened, Jordan?

Poor Nancy.

Darn it. Nancy’s engaged with Stern. That’s not gonna last.

And where the heck is Cor?

Ross was killed by Stern? Wow. Ross isn’t that strong then.

Stern: I only kept you on my boat this long so you can embrace despair...

Stern is a pretty cool villain. I like his personality.

Daaaaaang, Ross. You need some milk.

I really like that pirate scene. It was really good.

I’m disappointed by the lack of Herobrine. Usually, the guest star becomes an obstacle for Gizzy and/or Jordan. But Herobrine did not interact with them at all. So what was the point of the beginning? Even if Herobrine is the A/ntich/rist and he’s needed to explain Ace’s backstory, I still don’t see how the beginning was necessary.

Well, this was still a fun episode. I just found one major thing to criticize.

Hopefully, I’ll get some time to watch the next episode of Purge and catch up on Life Sucks.

#minecraft purge #distression reacts

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youremyonlyhope · 6 years

Text

Children of Earth: Day 5

AKA: Torchwood just loves to hurt of its fans.

OR: Some of the most upsetting and disturbing stuff I’ve ever watched.

Why why why why why am I watching this? I don’t know? But I don’t know when I’ll have time to, so I’m watching it now. Before i chicken out and avoid it for months.

I’m gonna press play. If I remember correctly, the episode opens with Gwen on camera right? Giving that chilling speech? I hope I’m wrong because I’d rather work up to that and not just be thrown into it. Too painful.

Ok the preview played. Are those doors airtight? The ones the people were banging on before they died? Shouldn’t the virus have gotten out? NOOOO IT’S GWEN’S VIDEO WHY. “The Doctor must look upon this planet, and turn away in shame.” Just... That line hit me so hard the first time and I still think about it and it still hurts. I’m so so so stressed out. I hate the Prime Minister so much. I love Rhiannon so much. I love her taking in all the kids. I hate that her taking in all the kids leads to the most upsetting scene I’ve ever had to watch. I’m emotional already, my eyes are wet. No. She said “My brother works for the government” and she has no idea about Ianto wow I am in pain. I still like the American General, for now. “Any soldier refusing to do his duty will make his own family liable” YEAH SO ME STILL LIKING THE AMERICAN GENERAL LASTED ALL OF ABOUT 2 MINUTES. Ok Unit Colonel, please, please don’t disappoint me. You’re the only one left that I like. Oh, I still like Dekker since he’s at least smart. Glad he survived since he was the only one who actually believed they’d be back and prepared for it by keeping track of the 456 frequency. Honestly, UNIT should have been on this a long time ago. I wish I could remember my exact reaction to finding out they use the kids to get high. This time around, when 456 said “We need them for the hit” I just kind of rolled my head back slowly because I forgot that that was the way they worded it. “Let’s not forget, your government started this trade. You opened the market over 40 years ago.” I don’t like the American General anymore but he’s still right, and still better than the PM. Oh god we got the World Health Organization in on this too. Frobisher’s too smart. Frobisher really deserved better than being sucked into this. Better than having all of this on him. LOIS DESERVES BETTER TOO. I can’t remember if Torchwood gets her out of jail and gets her record cleared, but they better. Jack. Jack Jack Jack Jack Jack I hate everything I love you and I love that you love Gwen so much that you want her away from this but I hate everything that’s about to happen I hate everything and I hate Torchwood especially. I LITERALLY FORGOT GWEN’S EVEN PREGNANT AT THIS POINT. AND THEN I JUST REMEMBERED. Oh poor Lois. Also, I think this jail cell set is the same one from Small Worlds. I can’t breathe. I literally can’t breathe. This when PM tells Frobisher his kids will be taken, isn’t it? “Terrible day.” Understatement of the century, Frobisher.

I’d forgotten that his kids had been picked as a way to show the public it was all ok. The PM didn’t have to have his kids actually go through with being taken. He could have had them be given a flu shot in their home, or even in some other location after Frobisher lets them go off with the soldiers, and be like “look it’s just a shot.” BUT NO. HE TELLS FROBISHER TO HIS FACE “YOUR KIDS ARE GOING TO BE GIVEN TO THE 456 TO BE USED AS A DRUG.” IT COULD HAVE ALL BEEN FOR SHOW. BUT THIS EVIL PM IS LETTING THEM BE TAKEN. WHY? WHY?!?!?!?!? FROBISHER’S DONE NOTHING BUT BEEN LOYAL TO A FAULT. A HORRIBLE FAULT. BUT HE DID EVERYTHING HE WAS TOLD. AND YOU REPAY HIM BY TAKING AWAY HIS KIDS? AS A WAY TO REASSURE THE PUBLIC?

OOOOH IT’S SO “THE GOVERNMENT MUST BE SEEN AS A VICTIM OF THE 456.” HIS KIDS HAVE TO GO MISSING AND “DIE” TOO. SO 1/10TH OF ALL KIDS ARE TAKEN, BUT ONLY ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL’S KIDS END UP BEING PICKED? OUT OF HUNDREDS OF GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS, OR AT LEAST THE 20 THAT WERE IN THE PLANNING ROOM, ONLY 1 HAS THEIR KID BE PART OF THE 10%? AND IT’S THE ONE GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL THAT ALL OF THIS BLAME IS BEING PUT ON IN THE FIRST PLACE? I HATE EVERYTHING.

“If you put me on camera, I will tell people the truth.” YES FROBISHER. I mean, I’m mad it took you specifically being affected to start fighting back, but at least you came around eventually. And you did kind of rebel just the tiniest little bit last episode in a subtle way. “But then your daughters would know where they’re going. Best not.” SO HE’D STILL FORCIBLY TAKE THEM FROM HIM. I HATE HE’S SO CALM. “I’m sorry John.” You’re not sorry at all. You’d let your own kids or grandkids be taken if you were truly sorry. “And I’m really very busy” OH. OH. SO NOW YOU’RE BUSY. YOU WEREN’T BUSY BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE MAKING FROBISHER DO ALL THE HARD STUFF. Andy. Andy my baby I want to cry I’m so happy to see him. Oh I guess Gwen’s trying to protect Andy’s family by not telling him, since the stupid American General said anyone who didn’t follow orders would have their kids picked. He doesn’t have kids, so I guess maybe any children in his family. “That’s what Torchwood does, you see. It ruins your life.” Truer words have never been spoken. The paparazzi. No. IT WAS BRIDGET WHO GOT HER OUT. I never hated Bridget. Sometimes she frustrated me, but I never was actually mad at her throughout this whole thing. I hope I wasn’t mad at her the first time... Oh god they filmed the girls going up the stairs through the front door window, like paparazzi.

God I’m like... shaking. I cannot describe the feeling, it’s not even shaking it’s different. I almost feel like I want to throw up. And Bridget already using “John Frobisher was a good man.” in the past tense. I had to pause and stretch to try to get the feeling to go away. Oh my god. It’s still there in my shoulders.

Never mind, Bridget doesn’t get her out. I still don’t hate Bridget though. Oooohh Rhiannon doesn’t know Gwen. Oh no. Do these soldiers know what they’re doing when they hand off the kids? Because the first time around, they got Jack to do it since they thought he wouldn’t care. But I guess the “you family will be picked” threat is what’s making them do it. This teacher fighting for the kids... my heart. God. I’m just an assistant dance teacher and work at an after school, but if they tried anything like this to my kids I’d fight tooth and nail. Wow I’m emotional. The boy running to his mom and being grabbed by a soldier. Wow. God just... Gwen probably treasured the moment where Ianto gave her a new wedding dress... and Rhiannon kind of took the memory away in her grief. “Then we better go and get them” AMERICAN GENERAL, I HATE YOU AND I HATE THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO GET ON THE PM’S LEVEL OF AWFULNESS. “He’ll be fine. The nice kids are safe.” THEY’RE ALL NICE. THERE ARE NICE KIDS AND BULLIES OF ALL LEVELS OF “VALUABLE” OR WHATEVER YOU GUYS ARE USING TO PICK THE KIDS. SO NO, NOT ALL THE NICE KIDS ARE SAFE. Oh god poor Lois again. My baby Andy. Deciding to help distract the guards and buy more time. I love Andy so much. Breaking into houses... why why why. My baby Andy. He should have kept on the armor since it’d protect him, but I understand the metaphor of him shedding his police uniform to fight the soldiers. Johnson, girl, I love you at this point since you’ve officially flipped sides and you were always awesome even when you were bad, but Dekker did not deserve to be shot. Gwen was holding the littlest girl while making the video. Oh god I hurt. Oh Rhys. 80% Ughhhhh whyyyyyy Oooooh Dekker. Dekker no. Dekker. No. No no no. I was remembering this as Jack’s idea. As something Jack thought of reluctantly. But no. It was Dekker. AND I SPENT THE ENTIRE SEASON SAYING HOW MUCH I LIKED YOU. I know you’re on our side, but it was easier to blame Jack for sacrificing his own grandson, a child that he has at least some sort of custody of. NOT YOU SUGGESTING SACRIFICING SOMEONE ELSE’S KID. AND HE LAUGHED ABOUT HIM “FRYING.” WHYYYYY. No background music while Alice screams “Steven.” I hurt. WHO IS THIS LADY WHO RATTED OUT WHERE THE KIDS WERE? I GOT SO CLOSE TO CRYING JUST NOW. IF THE SCENE OF THEM RUNNING LASTED 10 MORE SECONDS I WOULD HAVE BEEN SOBBING. THE MOST HORRIFYING AND UPSETTING SCENE IN TORCHWOOD. I FORGOT ABOUT ALL THE CHILDREN SHRIEKING. “We can say that today’s events were in American hands.” I. HATE. YOU. SO. MUCH. PRIME. MINISTER. OH MY GOD. YOU THINK OF NOTHING BESIDES SAVING YOURSELF. YES BRIDGET CALL HIM OUT. MY. GIRL. BRIDGET. YES. Ok Denise just because you’re a better person than the PM does not make you a good person. But thanks for looking out for my girl Lois. HIS VORTEX MANIPULATOR. I forgot that that could have gotten destroyed, I was focusing on his coat too much.

I hate Jack and his stupid habit of running off. Stop it. Please baby stop it.

Ok. Gotta get in a car for an hour. Will edit and add thoughts later.

Aaaaannnddd I’m back!

Children of Earth probably is Torchwood’s best season. But Season 2 is still my favorite season. But I appreciate Children of Earth so much more now since honestly over this last year or so sometimes I’d be like “Was Children of Earth REALLY that good? So good that everyone has to say Season 1 sucks and Season 2 is only ok?” and yeah COE is pretty fantastic, people aren’t exaggerating I just had blocked a lot of it out because it was so painful. I still love Season 2 more. But that’s because I’m biased and love Owen and Tosh too much.

God Ianto. Poor Ianto. And poor Rhiannon, losing her brother and then nearly losing her kids. Why why why must Torchwood kill all of my babies. All of my loves. Torchwood, STOP KILLING OFF MAIN CHARACTERS. And give Owen and Tosh shrines too.

Children of Earth is way too relevant right now with Trump’s zero tolerance policy separating families. Especially Day 4, that was hitting wayyyyyy too close to home. People always say that Children of Earth is so good because it’s exactly what would happen in that situation, and yeah after this month that’s pretty much confirmed. And the worst part is that you can’t even be completely mad at the people begging for their children not to be picked because we just naturally want to keep our families safe above everything else. It’s understandable, but still horrible. It’s selfishness but... almost not since it’s because you care for others? It’s just that the others that you care for are related to you. It’s such a complicated and messed up situation.

But the Prime Minister was just plain selfish. Not even motivated by his love for his children like the selfishness of other characters. He just wanted to keep his image clean. I hate him SO MUCH. I THINK I HATE HIM THE MOST OUT OF ALL THE CHARACTERS IN THE WHONIVERSE. Literally I cannot think of anyone else I hate more. Not even Daleks. Not even Cybermen Not even the Master since at least when the Master’s being evil they are also lovable. Or at least Simm!Master and Missy were lovably evil, I haven’t seen any Old Who episodes with the Master.

Lois Habiba. Girl deserves to be the new Prime Minister. Just, give her whatever job she wants. She’s so fantastic. I love her so much. She deserves everything. I’m glad Denise at least got her out of jail and pardoned.

Peter Capaldi. I cannot put into words. How much I love Peter Capaldi. He blew me away. I’ve told the story many many times, but it was mid-August, 2013, and everyone and their mother is being listed as a potential 12th Doctor. The announcement’s either a day or 2 days away, and I’m scrolling through tumblr and see someone say “Peter Capaldi’s name has popped up on a lot of lists of who could be the next Doctor.” and I got “Who’s Peter Capaldi? Why does that name ring a bell?” So I google him. And I see he was in Torchwood. I had just finished watching Torchwood barely 2 months earlier. So I go “HIM. I WANT HIM TO BE THE NEXT DOCTOR. PLEASE TELL ME IT’S GONNA BE HIM.” because he blew me completely away as Frobisher and I was sure he could blow me away as the Doctor. The day of the announcement comes, but I have to go to lunch with my grandpa and my step-uncle while it’s supposed to be airing. Right before we leave, I go to the bathroom and check my phone, and my tumblr has blown up with gifs of Peter Capaldi being revealed as the Twelfth Doctor. And I was so happy because I knew the Doctor was in good hands. And I loved Capaldi as the Doctor. He’s honestly my second favorite Doctor after Nine. Apparently, I love my Doctors to be a little grumpy. And Twelve was sooooooo grumpy and I loved it. And he was also so kind and caring. I loved every second of it. I loved everything about Twelve. I LOVED his guitar, I joked that Capaldi leaving was like a bad break up for me because in the days after Christmas, if I looked at a guitar I’d end up sobbing because it reminded me of Capaldi. I even loved the sunglasses that half the fandom hated, I thought they added to his older-Doctor-who’s-kind-of-punk-and-doesn’t-know-people-think-he’s-old thing that he had going for him. I thought they were perfect. And I loved that Twelve being a “good man” was an overarching theme for his run. I’m honestly still mad they didn’t acknowledge Frobisher in the show (and my ultimate dream was Jack coming back and seeing Twelve and FREAKING OUT thinking Frobisher was still alive) but I’m glad that the “good man” theme was probably definitely a little subtle reference to Frobisher.

John Frobisher was a good man. A good man in a very horrible situation. I hate that after all that, he not only died, he killed his family and himself. Because death was a better fate for his daughters than being drained as a drug for aliens. And he and his wife could never live without their daughters so he had to kill her and himself too. AND THEN IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING. BECAUSE JACK MANAGED TO SAVE THE WORLD IN THE END. FROBISHER DIED FOR NOTHING. HE KILLED HIS FAMILY FOR NOTHING. And the 3 quick shots, followed by one a few seconds later. Because he had to look at what he had done before he killed himself. Wow. TORCHWOOD HURTS ME SO MUCH. PETER CAPALDI, YOU ARE AMAZING. And finding out that the Frobishers dying was like Time’s way of correcting Caecillius’ family surviving Pompeii just completely RUINED ME. I think I literally felt my soul leave my body once I figured that out. And sure enough I looked into it and saw that RTD and Moffat confirmed it.

Jack killing Steven. I get why he did it. It was the only way to ensure that he would be the only one to suffer. Except, Alice had to suffer too. But it was the closest thing to Jack being the only victim of what he did to save all the other children. If he had picked another child it would have hurt that child’s family. Jack would rather he and his daughter be the only ones in pain. And Alice looking at him one last time before leaving forever. Wow. It hurts. I wish there had been another way.

Yep. So. That was a painful journey. I don’t know if I’ll watch Miracle Day. But yeah. That’s it for Children of Earth. Lois Habiba is the best. John Frobisher was a good man who deserved better.

OH GOD THAT WAS ONLY 5 DAYS FOR THEM. WHY IS THAT REALLY JUST NOW HITTING ME?!?!?!

#hope rewatches torchwood #ignore me if you want

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