#Maybe Dying to Believe it's Liz talking to herself

[greatnoone]

Dying to Believe but is me talking to myself

#Maybe Dying to Believe it's Liz talking to herself #idk #the beths

[lovecolibri]

Things that did NOT Spark Joy-4x04

Ooooooh besties it’s salty bench rant time!! If you want to know what I liked, you can find that here, but this is aaaaaall salt mine!

So, after forgetting Mimi exists for a whole season, never brining up her role in Alex’s season 2 kidnapping, why she went to talk to the bootmaker who went crazy after working on the Lockhart Machine/what she learned from him, or what all she knew about what Jesse and Jim were up to at Caulfield and HOW she knew it (logical answer would be her mom told her, but in season 1 she just vaguely alludes to something changing them and it being alien in nature but sounding like she was always on the outside of the information so who knows! Not fucking us, that’s for damn sure), Mimi dies with zero fanfare in the opening with zero clue as to why/what she’s dying of, zero attempts at resuscitation made, and while giving us zero answers to what her purpose has been this whole time. Awesome. 

To top it all off, the only thing the death accomplished was getting m*ria to dig through her mom’s wedding photos where she finds a drawing of an alien tree. Which....easily could have been something she found and kept out when going through old stuff last week. There is literally zero reason for this death except to give m*ria something to do because she continues to be superfluous, and a reason to make everyone feel sorry for her and fall all over themselves for her/beat themselves up about not being there for her more. It’s yet another emotional beat that doesn’t land because we haven’t seen Mimi in ages, and it didn’t actually do anything or truly affect anyone the rest of the episode! Liz has a whole moment like “m*ria’s not talking to me so I must have said something wrong”, like, HER MOM DIED! Maybe that’s why she’s not answering people because it’s too much right now! And Liz has a little trouble focusing, which a) doesn’t entirely track with her because every other time she’s upset she escapes into the science, and b) we easily could have had her being vaguely distracted and worried because Alex is missing but that would require everyone to actually care about him. They don’t ever really commit to grief/mourning, they just have everyone making vague mentions about being concerned for m*ria while doing their own things, and have her being mean to/about everyone for not being there for her even as she’s actively pushing them away. Waste. Of. TIme.

Speaking of, after seeing everyone basically begging her to let them help, we get m*ria rebuffing everyone then complaining about being alone, and lashing out at Dallas specifically while making snide comments about Isobel and Michael’s powers, and Liz and what she’s doing which is *checks notes* teaching a GED class, taking a break after killing herself trying to save Max AND m*ria (who purposefully and selfishly allowed her condition to get worse forcing Liz and Kyle to work even harder resulting in the predicament she’s in now where the cure they gave her couldn’t be fully tested and is now interfering with her powers), plus also now working for Shivani and helping with the new alien stuff going down. But sure, she’s on an “eat, pray, Liz” journey, just screwing around with no cares for anyone or anything at all. Say you resent your supposed bff without saying it 🙄 (Yes, that line from Liz about m*ria’s powers DID feel incredibly out of place, but since the writers just used it to give m*ria an excuse to hate on Liz, it’s even more pointless and dumb. Her visions were of zero help last season, why is everyone so concerned about them now?)  AND THEN, we had to put up with the writers having Dallas concede and say that she’s right!! For yelling at him and trashing her friends when all any of them have tried to do is help! Someone PLEASE free him from this trap! I cannot believe we’re going to waste him this season propping her up instead of doing LITERALLY anything else. Stop. Ruining. Fan. Favorites. To. Prop. Up. m*ria.

Also, MAYBE the first mention of Alex and people being worried about him answering his phone should NOT be days later and all about m*ria? Just a thought. Also, it’s...pretty darn gross to force Michael to be bending over backwards to help m*ria with that ILY he gave her still hanging out there because the writers refused to let the characters discuss season 2, and Malex still aren’t allowed to say it to each other, so it still feels like a dangling “if I could have her...”, while his ACTUAL soulmate is eating dirt in a hole and no one has noticed or cared that he’s not in contact. Until he fails to show up for THEM, and then people notice. Anytime the writers want to stop kissing m*ria’s ass about everything and forcing every single character to do it too, that would be just great.

Oh, but she’s her “own savior”. Right. Definitely has not spent the entire series doing things she should not be doing and forcing other people to rescue her at great danger to themselves. 🙄 Do the writers even WATCH this show? Also, pushing away everyone who is genuinely concerned and refusing help so you can prove you can “save yourself” is....not the serve the writers apparently think it is.

Loooove how Jenna gets to be in all the alien meetings when we can’t even get Alex showing up to the strategic planning meetings to take down the big bad, or actually help take down the big bad, or even be shown seeing his boyfriend who was stabbed and left for dead, stapled together, and specifically went to Alex to get something from him after Alex was threated by the big bad for being close to Michael 🙃🙃🙃 I enjoy Jenna and all but her being more involved in the main plot and in more group scenes, and scenes with other characters than Alex has ever been allowed to be is my villain origin story.

But speaking of Jenna, I was SO weirded out with her saying she still wonders what would have happened if she had made a move and told Max she loved him, like??? Girl, you know how that man looks at Liz! How it has always been her! And you DID make a move! And he stood you up for Liz more than once! Just a bad choice on the writers part because you know she’s not the type to waste time pining over someone who doesn’t appreciate her value. Also I was loving her friendship with Max, but now it’s going to feel all weird and awkward because she apparently still loves him? 🙄 whatever, let her and Dallas hook up and free him from m*ria and her from Max.  

I want to care more about Anatsa and Isobel but we have used up almost HALF of Trevino’s episodes (unless they extended his contract this season) on Isobel being with someone else and I am tired. And once again, we have the alien saying ILY and getting broken up with leaving ANOTHER soulmate being made to look like second choice. Jail for the writers! Jail for one thousand years! Stop. Undermining. Your. Own. Narrative.

Just....A+ writing there with the “Clyde is like my brother” after naming the duo after a very famous romantic couple. Also not digging the Creepy Religious Cult vibes with Clyde, and how Bonnie talks about him too which is giving me very Noah/Isobel grooming vibes. (Jones was more fun to me personally when he was doing Just Vaguely Unhinged Beardy Man things, instead of Space Dictator things, but that’s more just a “me” thing. That said I am SO ready for him to come back because they made him Too Evil and then killed him off too quickly instead of letting him be the bad guy they have to call when they need help with other bad guys. I NEED the Michael/Jones banter!)

For someone who is banging on about "excess" and "extravagant living" Clyde a) sure is casual about trashing that very expensive phone for no reason when they could have just...left it behind, and b) wearing some pretty pricey looking snakeskin boots which are for sure more expensive than just some casual shoes or even some regular ol' work boots. Just saying 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

The weird juxtaposition of the aliens being "new" and therefore unsure about earth stuff, with them also being super aware of earth stuff and earth's issues, and what all the aliens names were on earth and choosing to go by earth names even when talking to each other is all just....very weird and makes it hard to really get into things. They have supposedly only been out of their pods for 6 months while chilling in the NM desert and we see Clyde cooking them a snake over a fire but they both look waaaay too clean to be roughing it so where have they been staying? Where were their pods hidden? Tezca seems to have come from Mexico, but Clyde said they were on the ship with Jones that crashed in NM. Why do they have all this knowledge about both the Oasis and earth but the pod squad had nothing? I’m hoping we will get answers to these questions, but knowing this show, I’m not holding my breath. It’s just jarring when the aliens go from “oooh, we’re sooo unsure of these strange earth things! What are “burgers”?” to spouting off about economic disparity and knowing all about Jones when he barely had a chance to get a message out. It’s jarring because I can’t land on how much they are supposed to know.

I already talked about it in some asks but Liz just...destroying full samples of alien...tissue? (IDK the first one was supposed to be skin cells but the second one looked exactly the same but was from tears?) TWICE without bothering to save part of the sample back is just 🙄🙄🙄 The woman has multiple degrees and has been headhunted by multiple people looking for the best of the best when it comes to science. Stop making her look stupid because you’re not smart enough to write around her brilliance! (the same trap Alex falls into honestly, which why they just... don’t include him) Also, how did they explain where/how they found that lady’s truck? Also also, do we even know why they needed her or that truck or was that just Tezca’s ride she hitched to NM? Which circles back to my question above about if/why her pod was in Mexico if the others were supposedly in NM and their triad were on the ship with Jones?

I’m also confused why an entire lab crew investigating an area where they found a suspiciously alien looking skin sample, would just pack up and leave without scouring the area for more samples. I don’t know why Liz thought the area would a) be free of the scientists that were just working there, and b) still have additional samples they didn’t find before they left. Aaaaaall of this just so they could find the truck and question the driver about her blue eyes? Even though they could just...be told that? I’m sure it was in the report she made about the Weird Things That Happened? Whyyyyy is the show like this?! 

THEY FOUND SOMETHING BURRIED IN THE DESERT BUT IT WASN’T ALEX! 0/10.

Speaking of Alex, can we STOP USING MALEX THINGS FOR EVERYONE ELSE?! The turquoise has zero significance to Max and Liz, but was a big thing for Malex last season. We’ve already had to deal with Bonnie and the music thing and Echo using “cosmic”.  Stop it

They have like, 10 people in on the alien secret at this point, who TF let Kyle run off to Mexico ALONE?! Have we learned nothing?! (This would have been a nice time for Rosa to come back, just saying. Her being there to spend time with her brother, and then crashing his time with Isobel when she shows up and they’re looking into things? Delightful. But we have to have another new character added I guess 🙄)

Probably my biggest gripe which I have already expounded on quite a bit, is that all these pieces of alien glass and whatever this is that Nora supposedly built that is supposedly going to take the aliens home is stuff we should have been finding pieces of in previous seasons and had our mains trying to figure out what they did and had that simmering in the background until they find the base. These pieces should have been things Alex found in his dad’s bunker, and Kyle was left by his dad because Jim smuggled it out of Caulfield, and something Eduardo had a Deep Sky. These things should have been centered on our main characters to tie them into the story instead of inventing two characters to do bank robberies just to steal these things we’ve never seen or heard of!

Tied into that and also something I’ve discussed in some of my asks, why is Liz getting pep-talks from some stranger instead of someone who knows her? Why are all our mains so scattered and having scenes with needless outside characters instead of each other? It wouldn’t be so bad for this one conversation if it wasn’t a constant issue the show has constantly struggled with and I’m tiiiiiired. 

I feel like the kiss has been talked to death so I’m not gong to go on too much about it. I didn’t hate it since I pretty much saw it coming and it definitely could have been worse, but it was also so unnecessary. We could have had a million other ways for Michael to bring up his love for Alex. Like, every time he and Bonnie have talked about music and the guitar he has that Alex gave him. Or she could have noticed he was worried and has been checking his phone and he mentions his boyfriend is out of town and he thought he’d have heard from him by now. There were other ways to let Bonnie know about Alex (because I feel like that’s ultimately the reason, they needed her to know about him so she can connect the dots on who they are holding hostage), without it having to be a kiss as a way for Michael to “prove” he’s staying true to Alex even when he has the opportunity not to. 

We been knew that wasn’t Eduardo Jenna ran into but like, she’s never met him before? How would she know if he had a “suspicious” tattoo or not or anything about him really? I get they needed to have someone Max would follow over to where Jones was but it just once again feels like poor planning and ending up using characters for scenes where a different character would have worked better. Like Alex, but he’s stuck in a fucking hole still, or Rosa working on her alien tracking skills and also getting to see her uncle and notice it’s not really him, but she’s god knows where doing god knows what and I’m pretty sure she was never allowed to meet Eduardo last season even though he’s...her uncle. 🙄

And finally, this post about how time doesn’t work in Roswell. Maybe my theory about it actually being Night Vale is true!

Soooo, this ended up being longer than intended. I think knowing it’s the last season is killing my patience for pointless/unnecessary scenes and characters taking time away from scenes/characters I’d rather be seeing than being told about. And after getting to the end of season 3 only to find out they really did waste so much time on that vision plot and expected us to believe THAT was actually Kyle’s funeral, I’m having a hard time putting any stock or faith in the show that most of this was actually needed and not some convoluted set up that wasn’t needed resulting in ultimately, a waste of multiple scenes. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m hoping we get answers and find out the reason for all some of the loooong pointless setups to get information but it just doesn’t seem likely since this show has continually had pacing issues and issues wasting time to show us unimportant things, while telling us about important things that just happen off screen.

Link to previous episode posts: 4x01, 4x02, 4x03

#roswell nm #roswell spoilers #roswell nm my behated #things that did not spark joy #4x04 #anti maria deluca #please i'm so tired

[wizardessshit]

Mel´s Route Review

SPOILER ALERT, OF COURSE

Ah, it's good to come back 🥹 I need to confess that I realized I missed wizardess heart so much, like, seeing all the characters again made me so happy! One thing that I realized is that now, I perceive Liz more cuter than before; I mean, look at that silly smile:

One thing that I really like about Liz is how straight forward is she when it comes to her beliefs. Maybe in this route you can see that more, since Mel is kind of lazy, but actually she's a really determined person in every route, and I like that.

About the love and relationship; I like the idea of a younger love interest. I always wanted a kouhai-type character (actually I thought it was going to be Lucious, but nope), but I didn't feel Mel as younger than Liz (idk if that makes sense lol). Maybe that was the point since the beginning, but my expectations were pointing in a different direction, and that's why I didn't really like Mel.

I didn't understand why Mel fell in love with her, or I least I don't know in which moment did he concluded that he liked her. That really made me doubt (just like Liz in the story) if he liked her or not. Also, Mel only blushed once in the whole story, which I thought it was strange because as I remembered, love interests in WH blushed a lot.

Of course I liked how blunt and honest he was,

And I really liked when he apologized (seriously, honest apologizes from a love interest in otome games are RARE)

But I didn't like how his personality changes abruptly after he admits his feelings for her. He becomes extremely possessive and just ew. I think that maybe my actual opinion is highly influenced by my age. I'm not that 17 y/o that discovered WH any more, and even if I'm not the most mature person in the world, the long-ass hiatus that I took from the game influenced very much.

But honestly, Mel wasn't the only asshole, because Liz was kind of asshole too. 🔥 Let the boy talk about snow apples 🔥 If you don't listen him talking about these simple things, of course he won't talk about more serious business.

I didn't like how tense moments were held. I'm talking about the moment where Liz doubted about Mel. It was all about misunderstandings. I guess is correct to have that kind of problem since the escense of Mel is that he's too secretive and private. But idk, I just didn't like it. I felt that the misunderstandings between him and Liz, which lead them to grow their love, were too forced. But I think that what I didn't like most was that Luca was used to be that "nuisance guy" who got into not related business bringing to the light the suspicion against Mel. Like, it could have been perfectly Liz, who in fact saw the forbidden summoning's book, or Kate herself confronting Mel in public or at least in front of Liz. But after that, Liz just followed Mel like "oh poor baby, he must've felt so awkward being under suspicion of something not clear" (yeah, bc Luca didn't clarify what meant that Mel was being accused by Kate) "he needs my company" EXCUSE ME, THE SUN IS DYING.

If Luca is accusing Mel for the dimming sun summoning prohibited creatures, then I expect Liz to kind of freak out (as well as the other students who were just standing there doing absolutely nothing).

They were like:

-Tell me the truth, did you summon something?

-I love you

-Oh god, that's good to hear 🤗

Liz, what are you standing for? Does she care about him being accused or the end of the world? Or does she only want to be loved? 🤨

I would liked to see a exchange like "Wtf Mel, I want to believe you please explain yourself, whatever it's your explanation I'll believe it, but I need you to defend yourself and not just walk away wtf" and then Mel explaining that now he can't say it, and that he need Liz to wait, and then she agreeing with that, to end with this beautiful and cliché scene:

About the plot and main story; I have mixed opinions. To be honest, I really liked the the topic of the end of the world. BUT I think that it wasn't well performed/carried on/whatever the word is.

I think that the main problem was Kate herself. She was so empty. She didn't have any basis/foundation. I don't really remember how were the previous villains in other sagas, but since she was strong enough to travel between parallel worlds, I expected her to be more scary. I would say that "Her reasons weren't enough", but I think that the real problem was that I needed more emotional explanation of her situation and feelings/motives to actually sense her as a threat. She was like a cheap Azusa.

Talking about cheap things; I felt like the illustrations and character designs were too cheap. I would liked to see a illustration of the blessing that the tree made to the couple!

Things that I liked:

The relationship between Liz and Amelia, and the rest of the students

Since the story was pretty lazy, I thought that there wasn't going to be such a big deal about the end of the world for the rest of the students, but actually there was, and in the end of the story, you could see how scared they were and how grateful everyone was. Which is a shame that Liz and Mel weren't in the same mood...

The short monologue that Liz has

Yes I wanted to feel scared for the future of the world IN the moment, but at least Liz had a final reflection of what happened, and kind of organized her feelings and thoughts, which were great to read.

The ending of the happy ending

idk, I thought it was cute to end the story with a blessing charm.

. . .

Next: Hugo

#wizardess heart #shall we date wizardess heart #shall we date #swd wizardess heart #wizardess heart route review #mel glover #liz hart

[tommydarlings]

Jarley Quinn ↬ t.h

A/N: Wow, one of the longest things i ever wrote! got this idea after i watched the joker and Harley Quinn birds of prey and i thought it would be nice to write it... I hope this doesn´t flop, sorry if it´s crap. anyway, enjoy! :) ily,liz <3 

pairing: Tom Holland x reader 

warnings: violent actions, mentions of nearly blowjob?, swearing

w/c: 1.8k 

Requests: OPEN

Summary: Your win an Oscar for your amazing role as Harley Quinn´s and Joker´s daughter, but you didn´t knew that Tom Holland aka your role model would be there too. 

this handwriting = actions and dialogues in the movie

masterlist || taglist || requests || blurb event

„Guys, i think that i´m gonna pass out“ Tom said as they all took their seats in the huge hall.

„Calm down Tom, it´s okay, your gonna win this“ Harry told his brother.

Today was the day.  Today were the oscars. And Tom got nominated for the best leading role in an action / psycho / R rated movie. Cherry.

And the best thing is, when he should win the oscar, then their gonna show cherry on a huge screen in the hall. That´s sick.

Leonarde Dicaprio, Jennifer Lawrence and a lot of other amazing and unbelievable good actors are gonna see his movie then. Sounds like a dream to him.

„Thomas, son, it´s fine, we all believe in you! Your performance in Cherry was amazing and even the Russo Brothers said that it was an oscar worthy performance! Find someone to beat that!“ His mother, Nikki, said to her son with a small laugh.

Just when Tom wanted to answer, the Russo brothers came and both sat down next to Tom.

„Hello, guys!“ Anthony said.

„Hello, how are you?“ Dominic asked them.

„Were good, and excited“ Joe told Dom.

„And i´m fucking nervous“ Tom whisperd.

„Hey, hey, it´s okay to be nervous. Your gonna win this, your gonna rock your speech and in the end everyone will clap for your performance after they all saw the movie!“ Anthony told tom.

Tom could only nod before a man came on the stage and started to talk,

„Hello Ladies and Gentleman! I hope you all feel well and excited!“

The man went on with his speech and after about 15 minutes talking about some random stuff, he finally said the words that the entire hall craved for.

„And now i´m gonna announce the winner for the oscar in the category action / psycho / R rated movie…“

Tom was shaking, Nikki and dominic prayed for their son and Tom´s brothers tried to calm him down a little bit.

„Calm down“ Joe whisperd to Tom.

„I c-can´t“ he stuttered quietly.

The whole hall was so silent, it was creepy.

„Y/N Y/L/N!“ the man on the stage said into the micro.

Tom had his head hung low after his name wasn´t said.

Everyone started to clap, but when they saw who came on the stage, everyone looked very confused.

„What the-„ Tom said.

A young women, maybe about 21 – 22 years came on the stage with a beautiful suit on her body.

 „Hold on, is this the wrong catergory?“ Tom said.

„No, it´s the action / psycho / R rated movie category“ Anthony answerd.

„How can she-„ before Tom could finish his sentence, you started to speak,

„Hello Ladies and Gentleman, omg i can´t belive this, sorry, I won´t steal your time, i just want to thank the cast of this amazing movie and my family and friends who support me since we started filming this masterpiece. Thank you so much and enjoy the rest of the night, love you“ you finished.

„And now, let´s watch the amazing movie of the oscar winner! Jarley Quinn!“ the man said with a huge grin into the mic.

„Jarley Quinn? Isn´t it Joker?“ Harry said.

„Or Harley Quinn?“ Sam said.

„Boys, let´s just watch it“ Nikki told her son´s.

They said a quick and quiet ´okay, sorry´ before the movie began.

Jarley Quinn was written in thick and big letters on the screen, then you appeared onto the huge screen.

You stood infront of a mirror and looked at your reflection in the mirror infront of you. You took each side of your mouth with your fingers and spread them into a big smile before you let me fall and started to cry, tears were running down your cheeks as you still looked into the mirror where you could saw your painted face and green dyed hair. You always painted yourself just like your father and mother did. And the hair were another thing you got from your father. It was funny and interesting.

After this little opening, you went to two graves with the names Joker and Harley Quinn written on them.

„So that are her parents“ Tom whisperd to himself.

„Obviosly“ Harry huffed.

„I´m so sorry mamma and daddy, i´m gonna make you proud and i´m gonna make the entire world remember your name, and my name i swear“ you said.

And then, then the scenes came where everyone understood why you got the oscar in the first place. Even the Russo brothers were impressed.

„Fuck“ you whisperd to yourself as you saw that you need money for the pills you were fucking addicted to. You don´t even need all these pills, but you basically craved them with passion.

„Not again, please not fucking again“ you yelled through your apartment as you tried to find some money anywhere in the living room or kitchen. You even looked in the bathroom.

„Well, i don´t have another option, so“ you said to yourself in a slightly bitchy way.

You grapped your weapon and put it into your weapon holder that was covered up by your red suit jacked from your father.

Just a few minutes later you stood with a bag full of money, a weapon in your other Hand and huge smile on your face that is covered in the iconic Joker makeup in the middle of the bank while every single person around was on their knees and begged for their lifes.

„I won´t hurt anyone, i swear okay? I just wanted the money, but before i leave, i would like to say something, of course if i´m allowed to“ you said.

The bank women nodded quickly with her head before you said your last sentence,

„You look so good on your knees, just like i did yesterday“ you said with an amused laugh before you shot the person that was kneeling infront of you right between their eyes.

You laughed hysterically while you ran out of the bank with the bag and your beautiful weapon.

„Oh m-my g-good“ Nikki whisperd to herself with an shooked expression on her face.

„I mean, that was sick, but it was good“ Anthony said.

„That´s right“ Joe agreed.

„How has she done that with so much ease?!“ Tom whisper – screamed at himself.

After you swallowed your pills, you decieded to go into the club and have a good time, well at least you wanted to have a good time.

The second you stepped into the club, people went silent and didn´t dared to move. But you didn´t liked it.

„What? C´mon, go ahead with your talking about whatever you were talking about! I won´t stop you!“ you laughed.

You really weren´t here to stop anyone, so you just orderd a drink and looked through the club. You stopped your gaze at one specific couch in the corner of the club, a man, trying to rape a poor little young girl.

„Let´s have some fun“ you whisperd to yourself before you took a huge sip from your martini and walked to the scene.

„Can i help you?“ The man asked as he saw you standing infront of him while he held the poor girl in a tight grip on his lap.

„No, but can i help you, little girl?“

„N-no“ she stuttered.

„Okay“ you shrugged before you walked away.

Hold on, let me correct, about to walk away.

You punched him with your fist right on his nose.

„Ow! What the f-„ before he could finish his sentence, you grapped your weapon and hit his temple with it.

He fell unconscious onto the floor and you laughed again in a quiet creppy way before the girl ran into your arms.

„Woah, woah,woah, i only saved you from getting raped, not more“ you said.

„You saved my life, thank you“ the girl said.

„No, i saved your virginity“ you said before you removed yourself from her grip and went to the exit. Before you could exit the loud and sweaty club, a young but confidence looking men grapped your wrist.

„Hello beauty“ he growled.

„Hello, with what can i help you mister?“ you said with a smile on your face that was still full of the iconic makeup of your father.

„How about you help me with the little problem down there“ he said as he looked down to his own…crotch.

„Of course! Your house?“ you answerd with a little smirk.

„Mine“ he said before he dragged you into a car.

Just a few moments later, you were on your knees right infront of his naked figure while he sat comfortably on the couch.

„You gonna be daddy´s good girl?“ the man growled quietly.

You nodded with your head before you opened your mouth and stuck your tongue.

„Good“ he whisperd before he put his hand on the back of your head and directed your mouth to his dick.

But before he could get what he wanted, you pulled your dagger out from your dress pants and stabbed him in his… dick.

„Ohhhhh shit“ Tom hissed while he lightly held his crotch with his hands.

„Fuuuuuck, i know this isn´t real, but that fucking hurt“ Harry said.

„Okay, wow“ Anthony whisperd.

„OW FUCK, YOU LITTLE SLUT!“ the man yelled in pain.

You just started to laugh hysterically again and grapped your lighter, plus a tiny Matchstick from the pocket of your suit jacket.

„Hold on, wha- what the fuck a-are y-you doing, NO AHHH-!“ the man yelled before you lit the matchstick with fire and threw it on his naked body.

You still didn´t stopped laughing in this creppy and loud way as you walked out of the house with a cigarette between your red painted lips.

The next few scenes were violent, brutal, sexual and absolutely disgusting, but at the same time… definitely oscar worthy.

„Okay, that was unbelievable“ Harry said as the credits started to roll.

„You right, that was a true masterpiece“ Sam said with a tiny laugh.

„It w-was really g-good, yeah“ Tom said quietly.

After the movie ended, you got a lot of praises for your performance. Finally, The hollands and the russo brother´s found you and walked to you.

„That was amazing Miss Y/n!“ Anthony said.

„Oh please call me y/n, and thank you“

„Yeah, it was great“ Tom said quietly.

„Thank you so much- hold on, you are Nico walker from cherry right?“ you asked Tom.

„Yeah, you saw it?“ he asked.

„Of course! It was one of the best movies i ever saw!“

The two of you didn´t even noticed that Nikki, Dom, the twins, paddy and the russo brother´s already went as you went on with talking and praises.

„Would y-you maybe l-like to g-go out with me?“ Tom asked with an nervous voice.

„Of course!“ you asnwerd quickly.

„Really?!“

„Yeah, of course, i would actually love to Tommy“

The nickname melted his heart immerdiately.

„Okay, c-cool, uhm, can i have your number?“ Tom asked.

„Yes, here“

After they exchanged numbers, Tom went to his Family and the Russo brothers.

„And? How did it went?“ Harry asked with a little smirk.

„Got her number“  tom said proudly.

„No way! That´s amazing!“ Sam said.

„She is amazing“ tom said with smile.

He can´t wait to see you again.

-`ღ´- ᶫᵒᵛᵉᵧₒᵤ -`ღ´-

Taglist:

@goodgirlgonetom @majo240820 @misshale21 @itstaskeen @pure-ghost @justafangirlduh @elizabeth-brown @justafangirlduh​ @roseke​ 

#tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland #tomholland x reader #joker 2019 #harley quinn #movie #cherry

[thesquidkid]

Another story based on a prompt that @manescosmic got (this one). I changed the sentence a bit and made a delmanes prompt instead of malex. This is quite sad and there are descriptions of depression, so keep scrolling of you don't want to read! Hope you'll enjoy 😁

Prompt: "If the world was ending, you'd come over right?"

Maria never leaned on anyone if she could. She always made sure to be independent. However, lately, this had become harder and harder, as she could feel her mind slip away after each vision she had. She couldn't stop, couldn't put the bracelet on, she needed to know who was getting murdered so she could stop it from happening.

Yet, after all the hards work, nearly dying many times including throwing herself off of the Crashdown roof and getting Kyle to inject her with adrenaline, she failed to prevent a murder. She failed to save her friend. Maria was sad for Kyle, of course, but she was more pissed at herself, thinking of what could've happened if she did more, if she focused more on her visions, maybe there would've been a chance for the doctor.

But there weren't any, Kyle was lying on a hospital bed, connected to various machines all beeping on their own rhythm, barely surviving. And Max wasn't in a better state. He was in his room, in a similar position to Kyle, Liz having made all the connections necessary to his survival. Maria didn't feel like she failed a friend, but two. The two men who had helped her control her visions.

The rest of their little group had told her on many occasions that it wasn't her fault, that they didn't blame her, but she didn't believe them. She tried to busy herself at work, behind her well trusted bar serving the usual customers, but Guerin had showed up and refused to leave. She told him that he should be checking in on his brother, but she just shrugged and served himself a beer. He smiled at her, told her that Max had already died once, that he was going to be just fine, but there was an emptiness to his voice, a lack of belief that only resonated with Maria's own. The two fell in silence, neither knowing what to say to make the other feel better. After a while, Michael stood up, said something about meeting with Isobel, and made his way out of the bar with a tilt of his hat.

After that, he was seen less and less at the bar, reminiscent of the awkward period after Maria broke up with him, where they were giving each other space. And just like last time, Maria felt lonely at the bar, missing the cowboy's flirtatious tone, the dumb jokes and the unpaid tab. She knew that the sensible choice would be to take a break, maybe visit her friends who were between life and death, but she couldn't find it in her to face their pale faces as the struggled to stay alive.

The next person who came to see her at the Pony was Alex, just back from a mission with Deep Sky that he didn't talk about. He just sat on a stool, ordered a beer, and kept quiet until it was closing time and the bar was empty but the two childhood friends. They just looked at each other, before Alex stood up and closed the distance between them, enveloping Maria in a tight hug that they both needed. He then drove Maria back to her place with the promise of driving her to the Pony the next day, talking about everything but Kyle and Max's condition. He wasn't great at reading other people, but he knew Maria and knew when she reached her breaking point and needed a distraction. He told her about Forrest's book tour and little gossip from Deep Sky, making Maria forget about he guilt for the time of one night. But the next day, she remembered all again and had to brace herself for work.

It was after Isobel's visit that she decided to take a break and stay home. She couldn't face the sadness on her grandaunt, the sadness Maria knew she could've avoided. Isobel had tried to be nice, warm and hopeful even as she told the bartender various stories about Max and how she and Michael were displacing his books to see if he would notice. She was always the hopeful one, it was the case the first time Max had died, and it was still was for the second time. Maria couldn't hold that hope, didn't dare in fear that she would only make things worse.

On her second day off, the day she barely made it out of bed to go to the toilet, she heard a knock on the door. She rolled on herself and covered her head with a pillow, hoping that if she didn't answer the person would just go away. She was starting to feel like the world was ending and didn't have the energy to fight or get out of bed. The person didn't go away and the knocking didn't stop, until it did after what felt like hours but was probably just mere minutes. She sighed in relief that she wouldn't need to talk that day, and prepared herself to go back to sleep, when a small voice was heard from just outside the closed door of her bedroom.

"Maria?", came the voice of a man she clearly recognised, followed by a knock on the frame of her bedroom door. "Look, I know you're in there", continued Gregory Manes, the man she had avoided ever since she couldn't prevent the death of her two dear friends, "and I know you've been avoiding me. I just wanna make sure you're okay."

And that was it, the nail to the coffin that made her break. It starting by a tear that she blinked away, followed by a second, and before she knew it, she was sobbing, her head in a pillow trying to muffle the sounds she was making. She must've failed, since soon enough she could the bed shift as someone was sitting, then a hand patting her head, a thumb caressing her wet cheek. She looked up, and met Greg's warm smile. He opened his arms, inviting her in for hug, which she dived into, burying her head in the crook of her neck, still crying. He held her for as long as she needed, until she had cried all the tears in her bodies and then some more.

At one point they had shifted position, so that she was straddling his hips, her hands around his shoulders and her face still in his neck, while Greg had one arm against her waist, caressing the bottom of her back, the other hand firm and pleasant at the base of her head, supporting her as she cried.

"Ah shit, sorry, I'm… I'm a mess yeah…" Maria said hesitantly after sniffing and wiping her face with her hands. Gregory just smiled at her and chuckled, using his thumbs to wipe the tears drying on her cheeks. "Hey," he said, voice low as if not to disturb her and give her peace, "it's okay, you can cry Maria, I'm not going anywhere." She returned the smile, not yet quite as warm, and hugged him again with as much strength as she could. He returned the hug, keeping his promise of not going anywhere.

After a while, her stomach grumbled making them both laugh, Maria's still wet from the tears, and Greg stood up, telling her that he was going to cook her something. She used that time to head to the bathroom to take a hat shower, thinking she would cry some more, but as it turned out she had already emptied all the tears left in her. As she got out and made her way to the kitchen, she was met with the back of Gregory as he shuffled around her kitchen, cooking something that Maria had no doubt would be delicious.

"Thank you," she said, making him turn around, still holding a spatula in his hands, "for coming over when the world was ending."

#very happy with this one #not a pairing I thought I would write #but they grew on me #and I am fully on board for the delmanes ship #maria deluca #gregory manes #delmanes #roswell new mexico #rnm #rnm fic #thesquidkid #thesquidkid writes

[meetmeatthecoda]

Lately, I've found myself drawn to stories ( and I mean drawn to as in envisioning those stories in my head, thinking them through to the very last detail, not reading, let alone writing them down, because I've long since accepted that they will never turn out quite the same on the paper ) where Red is the one who'd been seriously hurt and, therefore, rendered unconscious for an indefinite amount of time and worried Liz is the one who doesn't leave his side, hoping and praying and pleading that he would wake up. Probably, something that has to do with how unfair it is that we've seen Red keep vigil by hurt!Lizzy's side – playing music for her, holding her hand, reading to her etc. – a number of times and yet, over the course of 8 seasons, never have ever been allowed the pleasure of seeing Liz do the same for him ( not even when he was shot – because she left to retrieve the Fulcrum and couldn't come back until the fight was over – or when he was poisoned – because she'd been waiting to be cleared to see him and he ran away the moment he wasn't actively dying, because that's Red for you all ), even though she loves and cares about him as much as he loves and cares about her.

I mean, just imagine the possibilities!

Liz pacing around the waiting area of Red's mobile hospital while he's in surgery, unable to think about anything else other than how he looked – battered and broken and barely alive – when they've found him and how his head rested in her lap ( she could almost convince herself that he was merely dozing, if he wasn't so deathly pale and still and there wasn't so much blood on his clothes and her clothes and her hands and the backseat of the car ) and his hand was limp in her death grip as they rushed him to his doctors and she whispered words of reassurance and encouragement to him even though she knew he couldn't hear her and how she had to fight the instinct to curl around her lover and snarl at anyone who would come close because she can't let him be hurt further as the medics took him away from her, exchanging observations and orders that didn't sound particularly reassuring. She's also acutely aware of the fact that Red is fighting for his life – there, just a few feet away from her – and, though he's the strongest man she's ever known, he may not win, and so she makes a promise to the empty air in front of her that she will kill him herself if he dares to give up on her and Agnes like that now, when they've just reached the good, right place in their relationship, just confesses their feelings to each other. At some point, Dembe most certainly pulls Liz in for a hug, letting her cry in his shoulder, doing his best to comfort her ( even though there's nothing that can bring her more comfort than Red's hug, when he – alive and whole – wraps his arms protectively around her and holds her close and lets her hide from the whole world in his arms, his chest, his shoulder and neck – wherever she prefers to burrow her face at the time – and the memory itself makes her cry harder, because there's a possibility that he will never hug her like that again ), even though he's just as worried and scared as she is, and Mr Kaplan helps Liz clean up, washing away Red's blood from her hands and producing seemingly out of the thin air fresh clothes for her to change into.

Red, of course, pulls through the surgery, beating all odds, and Liz's heart floods with relief at the good news before sinking when the doctor explains to her and Dembe and Mr Kaplan the extent of Red's injuries and that it's impossible to say when – or even if – he wakes up.

And so the waiting game begins. Liz doesn't leave Red's side, holding his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb and never letting go, constantly talking to him and reading to him and even asking Dembe to bring the record player and some records from the Bethesda apartment to play to him, hoping that it would elicit some kind of response from him. Yet, as they days go by, there's not a single, smallest sign that he's aware of anything that's going on around him, that he's still there somewhere and is trying to find his way back to her, to them – he doesn't stir, doesn't so much as flutter his eyelashes, and Liz grows more desperate with each passing day, even though the doctor assures her that Red's slowly but surely improving ( but she can't see it with her own eyes, and if she can't see it, she's less likely to believe it, the more time passes with him just lying there, undisturbed by the loud, chaotic world around him ).

And then there's Agnes... While Liz keeps vigil at Red's bedside, the babysitting duties are split equally between Aram and Samar, Charlene and Cooper, Ressler and Audrey and Dembe and Mr Kaplan. Yet more often than not whoever picks little Agnes up from school and / or her ballet classes brings her over to the safe-house where Liz and Red are. She doesn't seem to be as unnerved by Red's state as her mommy is, climbing on his bed each time she visits ( after giving her mommy the biggest hug, of course ) and leaning in close to him, examining his face thoughtfully before half-asking, half-stating "He's still tired, mommy?". And Liz usually replies with a hoarse "Yes, baby" because she doesn't trust herself not to get choked up if she tries to answer more eloquently. Agnes simply nods then, satisfied with the explanation why he hasn't woken up yet, and settles against Red's side – mindful of his injuries and the spider web of wires and tubes connecting him to all sorts of monitors and machines – and either naps ( especially, on ballet classes days ) or tells her mommy and Red ( she talks to him just like Liz does much too easily – promising him to show him the new moves she's learnt when he wakes up etc. – as if she's already done that before or seen anyone else do that... unbeknownst to Liz, she did both – when Liz herself was in a coma, Agnes both saw Red talk to her mommy and was encouraged by him to talk to her, too, because it may help her mommy sleep easier and maybe she'll get better sooner and finally wake up ) about her day or does her homework or draws ( more often than not, she draws either cards for Red to read when he wakes up or just things she wants him to see ). And when the time comes for her to leave, she always kisses Red on the cheek, wishing him "sweet dreams" and to get better soon, and then gives her mommy, who tries so very hard not to tear up but fails miserably, a hug and a kiss, too, and tells her frequently that she shouldn't cry because Red is just too tired, just like she – Liz – once was, and that he just needs to sleep a bit more.

And when the door behind Agnes closes and Liz is sure her daughter won't see / hear her, she breaks down hard, in big, ugly sobs, because her little girl shouldn't be acting so naturally in this kind of situation and because she wishes so hard that Red just woke up, because she can't do this, any of this, without him.

In the end, once his body has healed itself enough and he regained enough of his strength, Red, of course, does wake up. It's a slow process, and Liz thinks she might either faint or go mad from the overwhelming feelings that are swirling inside of her when Red moves for the first time in what seems to her like forever – squeezing her hand feather-lightly – and when he leans slightly, unconsciously into her touch when she strokes his cheek – out of habit, without even expecting any sort of reaction from him and being pleasantly surprised – and when he opens his eyes for the first time – it's a brief occurrence, with his eyes slipping shut tiredly again after just a few moments, and he's still pretty much out of it, apparently, not even noticing her presence by his side, but for Liz it's a major event – and when he finally, finally looks directly at her – alive and conscious and alert – and calls her "Lizzy". He's still weak and his voice sounds terrible and Liz knows she shouldn't let all of her pent-up feelings – the fear and despair and frustration and love and relief and exhaustion – out on him like that – he's just woken up, after all – but she can't hold back the tears nor the jumbled mess of "thank you"s and "I love you"s and " "I've missed you"s and "I'm so so happy you're back" and "I was so worried" and "Don't ever scare me like that again" that spills from her lips as she leans in to kiss him lightly and give him the gentlest of hugs...

(Since I'm not a ficwriter and, therefore, have no intentions of using this pile of ideas/images/feelings myself, I wouldn't mind at all if you or any other writer drew inspiration from this rambling of mine)

Ahhhhh 😭😭😭 Are you sure you're not a fic writer, anon?? Cause this reads like some quality hurt/comfort to me!! 🥲🥲 Honestly, this is a lovely scenario to imagine & it gives me a slightly bitter sense of satisfaction to think of Liz suffering through just a fraction of the time Red spent by her side while she was in her coma... especially if it's the catalyst for fEeLiNgS to emerge tee hee bc, you're RIGHT, we were woefully deprived of those situations in the show & I'll never not be sad about it tbh. More specifically, things I love the most about this in no particular order: Liz having to "fight the instinct to curl around her lover & snarl" *swoon*, Liz swearing she will kill him herself if he dies LMAO, Dembe hugging her for comfort & Mr. Kaplan helping her get cleaned up 🥺🥺🥺, Liz playing records for Red yasss, AGNES & everyone taking turns babysitting her while she misses her Daddy desperately but deals with the situation with a maturity & grace beyond her years in an effort to help her grieving Mommy through it cool cool mkay mkay, Liz only breaking down once Agnes leaves OWWW, anddddd Liz being a blubbering mess when Red finally wakes up & calls her "Lizzie" & they kiss *whispers* it's fine, i'm fine 🙃 IN CONCLUSION, I love this anon, thank you for sharing this lovely little AU with me!! 🥰 And much, much love to you, of course, my friend!! ❤️

#The Blacklist #Lizzington #Agnesgate #thoughts #headcanons #mine #ask #anon #ughhhhhhhh #this mini fic is packed with feels #and punched me right in the face #thank you for this gift anon #:') #much love!! #<3

[cosmicclownboy]

it does look like rosa is giving back the necklace, but that means that she was attacked by something alien, right? the necklace wouldnt heal here from a regular human injury. which once again leads us to believe that a) that's jones not max and b) that weird explosion we saw in the background of max/jones in a car was alien as well.

im still a bit pissy we didnt actually see any negative affects of not wearing the necklace for a year on marias health ('i lost a lot of braincells' comment does not count), as that would make the health related high stakes much more believable, but im glad we re not forgetting that liz doesnt really have to work on a cure for maria, because there is already one

What I suspect happened was Maria arrived at the scene and during an altercation where she tried to protect Kyle the adrenaline high overwhelmed her kickstarted a vision she got hurt physically and she's wound up completely unresponsive. Maybe she's trapped in the vision? Maybe she's trapped in her mind like we saw with Mimi who was very much lucid in the mindscape with Isobel. Maria has no control over her abilities and this is a ramification of it.

I will keep saying put her in a pod until they do because logistically Rosa is human with abilities and the only reason she hasn't appeared to get sick is due to being in the pod. It's literally right there. I hope in her training they'll realise it to help Maria.

Honestly I hope everyone goes off on her because the girl is killing herself and she believes it to be okay behaviour. Maria is not an alien she cannot keep doing this to herself. She's wound up in hospital AGAIN. Why can't she get called out by someone instead of everyone being up her arse. It's dangerous.

Oh that is absolutely Jones you know how I know it's Jones because when he found Maria he was just like who dis bitch. At the start of the episode a dying Max doesn't care for his own health to heal Kyle why would he not try with Maria? He would of shouted Maria and looked concern. Jones was just confused.

Not to mention the way he talks about the connection and orbiting comes across as an outside party who understands soulmates within the aliens.

#asks #rnm spoilers

[trishvaylar]

Maybe I just got lucky or maybe not, but I had a post in my drafts, a long one, written in two parts, about Rederina, I finished writing it, posted it but...it just got deleted, with no way for me to get it back unless I am to write it again right now. Well, seeing as there are only a few hours left until the Blacklist return with season 8, episode 03, and I am emotionally very uplifted right now (I was granted someone I love more then life, and that is inspiring, so much so writing a post I just spent over an hour finishing, from scratch, is not an ordeal at all, at least does not look like it anyway🤗) -I shall just do it again!

So, this Rederina post will contain two parts, the first about all the wrong reasons antis hate Rederina and the second about the sheer logic and inner magic and beauty of Rederina!

Shall we begin?

So, the first and foremost reason why there are Rederina-antis is that James Spader is a Man! Oh, of cause, he IS a man, there is no doubt in my mind about this and he has a great sex appeal, which we, women all around the world, feel very acutely. Yes, he is a man, but apart from that, he is although a great actor, whose gift comes from God! He could perfectly play a man who used to be a woman, no questions asked. Why would anyone object to that, if, when James'characters kissed a man in screen in Crash and in TV in the Office, I heard absolutely no objections to his chatacters' bisexualism. I see this as hypocricy and huge double standarts. I could also include an anti reason here that Rederina is anti-transgender. That is just stupid as fuck, because this is about love (Katarina's real reasons for changing her identity, which comes first, and gender switch comes in second, but I would elaborate on this in the second part of the post), not transgender rights I hugely respect.

So, I believe we are done with this reason, lets explore the others. And the top after mentioned above is the Daddygaters' reason. They believe Red is actually the real Reddington, Liz' Father. They create alaborate proofs of their theory, to explain why would Red make Liz believe she murdered her Father by shooting him when she was 4, why his remains were burried then dug up and then burned, if he, Red, was her Father all along. What Daddygaters do not recognize is that their elaborate explanations not only take the sound logic out of the show, but also make Red someone towards Liz he never was - a monster!

I really think this is enough talk about Daddygaters hating on Rederina.

The other reason for the antis is that we had The Witch listed as Katarina Rostova, number 3, on the blacklist. Oh well, this one is a piece of cake. It is a writing ruse used by many writers, ours just used this trick too. The moment I knew Red was an imposter, I knew we had to have an imposter Katarina, making her the name on the blacklist, very high up.

There is another reason, closely connected with the previous one: that Red and Katarina could not be one person, they have to be two people. I think this is very simple - The Witch is not Katarina, because WE KNOW KATARINA LOVES MASHA MORE THEN HER OWN LIFE! The Witch only cared for herself and her own survival, not about Liz. Mothers do not change like this, ever! Who else on the show loves Liz like this? Red, no one else. By that logic Red could ONLY be Katarina, Katarina could ONLY be our Red.

There are other, emotional, or plot-wise reasons for the antis to list, but they are minor and boring, we just talked about everything of any importance at all.

So we could light-heartedly pass to the second part of the post - the logic and inner beauty and magic of Rederina canon.

First and foremost Rederina is beautiful and logical because it tells the story of the greatest love of all, the Mother's love for her child. Look at what Katarina did in order to ensure her Daughter's safety - she forfeited her own identity, her personality, her self, not mentioning her Father, who never accepted the change and saw it as murder of who his daughter was, of her gender, her right to be Masha's Mother, to be with her. She entrusted Masha/Liz to Sam, who would ensure that Liz grew up emotionally safe, well protected, loved, taken care of, growing in the normal, non-criminal environment, with plenty of advise, money, guidince, smoothing the path done by Rederina. Because Katarina never planned to fully dissapear out of Liz' life. As Red (she chose to become Reddington for a few reasons - Reddington already existed, was dead, she knew everything about him, he was the Father of her only Daughter she literally adores, he was a man, by becoming him she could build that criminal Empire to counter any threat to Liz and to keep her, that is, Red, free and a very formidable enemy even in the eyes of the Cabal or anyone ever to try to topple Red or to trace Liz) she still influenced Liz' life, all aspects of it, but to Liz Red was only a notorious criminal, an he had to start from scratch in his relationship with the Daughter. When, in the end of season 7, Red answeres Liz' question by saying "you are the Daughter of Katarina Rostova", that sealed it for me. Liz inherits the Empire as the Daughter of the Mother, not as the Daughter of the Father, because, yes, Red has his name and face, but the soul is the Mother's!

In Cape May, where Katarina went alone 25 years ago, she tried to decide how to protect Masha. She was there alone. After "loosing" Liz Red goes to Cape May to try and find the spirit of the Woman, to ask one question - had his becoming Red to protect Liz failed to keep her from dying. His inner self, Katarina, could not answer that question, so Red goes to Dom, to THE PARENT, to try and get that answer. Eventually Dom and Aram lead Red to a belief Liz did not die as the result of that faithful choice.

We know Liz did not die, she tried to protect her own Daughter - Red understood, forgave without any discussion (but he did not forgive Mr Kaplan for hurting the Mother's heart), just stopped calling her Lizzy, for she is trully an adult in his eyes now. Red keeps forgiving, understanding, accepting Liz as only a Parent would. Those who wish Red to emotionally abandone Liz, they would never have their way.

I decided not to mention the romantic anti-rederina reason because that is soooo perverted in my mind I just can not bring myself to counter that with serious arguments. Romantic love is keen2 on the show, with the potential keenler, but romance between parent and child? No thank you! But having started the thread of emotional abandonement, I had to mention this one moment too.

So, Red seeks emotional support and advice from KATARINA'S FATHER? When it is a Parent Red needs? I mean, how more obvious could this get?

Then there is the fact that everything Liz ever finds out about her Mother, comes from Red. He tells Liz about what Katarina feared, how she loved Liz' Father, what she felt while being pregnant, what she felt after Masha was born, the photograph, of her and Masha, that her Mother is in her, even the diary and the time machine Liz got from Kirk - Kirk only came back into Liz' life thanks to seeing Liz and Red on TV together while they were on the run. The way Kirk and Red talk about Katarina is also very telling - Kirk tells what he remembers, and Red just adds personal details to what Katarina did, things only Katarina would really know. And Kirk would only accept help, the cure, from Katarina, for he knows - in her own way she cared...she cares still. That was one huge clue for me as to Rederina canon; Cape May was another; Dom was the next; even The Witch was just another clue.

Liz will know, eventually, who Red really is, and I hope she will hear it from him and all of us will:

I AM YOUR MOTHER!

That would be the most epic moment in the history of all the TV-shows in the last thirty years. Because that would prove the existance of the greatest love of all - the transending, unconditional, sucrificial, all-encompassing love ever existing in the world! The Blacklist, the show which is an ode to what makes our world worth living in: this kind of love which makes us human!

@katarinas-redemption with love and gratitude

#the blacklist #raymond reddington #rederina #Katarina Rostova

[lynyrdwrites]

Blood In Our Throat

Written for @klaroline-events bingo and the “Blood sharing” box.  Idea courtesy of @ofthedirewolves

Can also be read at AO3.

---

One. Our Town

It was cold.

Caroline couldn't remember the last time she had felt so cold. It was probably at some point before she had been turned, back when things such as the change in temperature really affected her.  But still she couldn't remember ever feeling so cold, even back then.

"How are you feeling?"

The world seemed cloudy at the edges, as though Caroline were looking at it through some sort of cloud.  She didn't answer her mother's question immediately, as Liz walked across the room.  She seemed to come more in focus as she got closer, and by the time she sat on the edge of her bed, Caroline finally understood what it was that had been asked. 

"I'm okay," she said, trying to smile.  But the way Liz's brow furrowed told her she was probably failing at convincing her mother that she was doing anything other than dying.  Which she was.  So instead of trying to soothe any further, she reached out to squeeze Liz's hand.  Her grip was weak, but she managed.  "You shouldn't be in here."

"I'm not going to let you die alone," Liz replied, her voice breaking when she said the word die.  Caroline felt her throat tighten, because this wasn't how any of this was supposed to happen.  Liz shouldn't be outliving her; that shouldn't have happened in general, but particularly not once Caroline became a vampire.  Caroline didn't realize she'd begun to squeeze Liz's hand harder until her mom winced, and Caroline recoiled. 

"You shouldn't be here," she said again, cradling her hand against her chest, her gaze focused on Liz's hand, her fingers already beginning to bruise.  "I'm going to hallucinate. And..."

I don't want to kill you is what she should say, but Caroline can't quite bring herself to say the words.  So she rolls onto her side, her back to Liz, and squeezes her eyes shut.  She barely keeps from putting her hands over her ears, as if by blocking her sight and her hearing, somehow the whole situation will disappear.  She won't have possibly broken her mother's fingers.  She won't be dying.

She won't be dying because of her boyfriend.

But she doesn't put her hands over her ears.  She can't see, but she does hear Liz leave the room.  And she hears when the doorbell rings.  Hears the accent and the deal with the devil her mother makes, and when he enters the room, she's manged to roll onto her back once more. 

"Are you going to kill me?" she asked him, hating that her voice sounded small.  But she felt small.  Small and scared, and she was dying. 

"On your birthday? You really think that low of me?"

He didn't seem like the devil, standing there.  In another life, she would have thought he was attractive, even.  But in that moment, he was just the guy that was behind her death, and for a brief second, she forget her fear, long enough to answer with a strength that would leave her immediately after.

"Yes."

She knew that they continued to talk, that there was something in there about how old he was.  But the world was beginning to fuzz at the edges, and at times, Caroline thought she might already be dead.  But then he leaned in towards her, and the intensity in his eyes... suddenly, everything was crystal clear. 

"And I could let you. Die. If that's what you want.  If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I've thought about it myself, once or twice over the centuries, truth be told.  But I'll let you in on a little secret." He leaned in, just a little bit closer, and when Caroline's breath caught, it wasn't entirely because of the bite burning on her neck.  He might be the Devil, but there was something magnetic about him. "There's a whole world out there waiting for you.  Great cities and art, and music.  Genuine beauty. And you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays.  All you have to do is ask."

She should snap at him.  She should spit in the face of his offer.  But something about the moment, about the way he looked at her, made it impossible for her to lie.  So, for the first time since Tyler had bit her, and she'd been trying to stay positive... she said the words she'd been swallowing back.

"I don't want to die."

When his blood hit her tongue, it tasted sweeter than anything she'd ever had before.  And when he stroked her hair... she felt comfort that she shouldn't.  That she would never admit to feeling if anyone asked.

But in that moment, she felt comforted.

Two. Into the Wild

She felt betrayed.

Not because Tyler had left her there, with the man that had bit her.  The man that had killed her.  Maybe she should have felt betrayed by that, that she was being left to save herself... but they weren't idiots.  She was her own best chance.

But she wasn't sure she could get out of her own way long enough to take that chance.

Because she felt betrayed.

Klaus was... he was evil.  Hadn't everyone said that over and over?  So maybe that made Caroline the idiot.  The idiot for snapping at him, for egging him on, but part of her had trusted him.  Had believed in him enough to think - to hope - that while he might destroy everyone else, he would always draw the line at her.

And now, she was dying.  Because her trust had been misplaced.

"If you don't feed me your blood, I'll die." There.  That was easy enough to say.  It was just blunt truth.  Maybe that was all it would take, and she wouldn't have to think about him anymore.  

He glared at her from the doorway, arms crossed, his expression tight.  It could have been caused by petulance.  She liked to believe it might be regret, but she'd already believed in him once.

And he'd chosen to kill her.

"Then you'll die, and Tyler will have learned his lesson the hard way." He spoke, but he didn't look at her, staring instead across the room from him.  She stared at him, silently willing him to turn his head.  If she was going to die because of him, he could at least give her the dignity of acknowledging what he had done. 

He could at least watch the results of his action.

"How could you do this to him? To his mom? To me?" And it was the last one that she meant the most.  If she were truthful, the fact that he'd hurt Tyler? Even that he'd killed Carol?  Not all that surprising in the long run.  Klaus took betrayal poorly, and he viewed what Tyler had done as betrayal because he had such a crappy, messed up version of what loyalty was, and who deserved it.  But... maybe she did, too. 

After all, she'd been dumb enough to think he cared, hadn't she?

"I'm a thousand years old. Call it boredom." And still he refused to look at her, though somehow his jaw seemed to, impossibly tighten even more.  Not petulance.  Caroline felt she understood his character well enough to know this.  

It was regret.

"I don't believe you." Her voice was soft, and it was said as a challenge.  She meant it as a challenge.

"Fine. Then maybe it's because I'm pure evil and I can't help myself," he replied, still in that voice that seemed somewhat disengaged, even as he continued to refuse to look at her, as if he couldn't bear the sight.

And was she still stupid, that she hoped that meant he couldn't stand to see what he had done, because he regretted hurting her? And oh God, was she really going to be that kind of idiot?

She needed to just get him to save her. Savehersavehersaveher.  Maybe if she repeated it like a mantra, she could convince herself that's all this was.  Manipulating him into her helping her.  That the only reason she felt pain was because of the bite, and not because he had been the one that bit her. 

"No. It's because you're hurt.  Which means there is a part of you that is human."

Saying that made her think of the Miss Mystic pageant, and his story about the hummingbird.  She'd looked at him and seen to the heart of who he was.  She was sure of it.  That man that had teased her with her Miss Mystic application and the man that still couldn't look at her... they were still the same man, and that man was more than just a monster.  

Savehersavehersaveher... that was it.  She didn't need to think flowery thoughts of redemption.  She just needed to be saved, and then she needed to be out. 

"How could you possibly think that?" Finally, he looked at her.  Took steps towards her.  He wasn't all the way there, but their eyes finally met, and she could see the emotion in his, and she knew she'd been right.  That was regret. 

Well, they both regretted a lot then, didn't they?

"Because I've seen it. Because I've caught myself wishing that I could forget all the horrible things that you've done." She hadn't meant to say it, that last part - she'd meant to leave it at having seen it.  But Klaus seemed to wrench the truth from her in ways no one else could, and the world was blurring and turning dark at the edges.  So the words came out before she could stop them, and hung in the air.

"But you can't, can you?"

Distance again, but Caroline had already started to put the truth out there, right?  So she might as well throw all her cards on the table and see where they would lie, and then deal with the aftermath.

Or not deal with it, if she was dead.

God, she might still end up dead.

"I know that you're in love with me. And anybody capable of love, is capable of being saved."

Silence fell heavy between them, and Caroline felt her eyes begin to drift shut.  Was that her dad in the corner?  It sort of looked like him.  Maybe he was here to take her, wherever they went after death.  Except he hadn't chosen to become a vampire, had he?

She wouldn't get to see her parents again.  That wasn't something she'd thought about before, but it hit her now.  Vampires didn't go to the same place humans did.  She'd never get to say anything to him again.

"You're hallucinating." She managed to open her eyes and look at Klaus for a moment.  Had she forgotten he was there?  That seemed like an odd thing to forget.  But she could barely keep her eyes open anymore, and her dad... she thought he'd moved a bit closer.  But still, she needed to look at Klaus for just this one last moment.  She was sad and pathetic, but she wanted to remember his expression. 

Maybe it would give her comfort, once she was dead.  To know that he was suffering too.

"I guess I'll never know..."

She didn't know what she'd never know, but that's what came out, and then she just... drifted.

She felt as if she were floating.  Was this the afterworld?  Just floating in nothingness, something sweet and familiar coating her tongue and throat.  It could be okay.  Even the pain was going away now.

And somewhere through the fog, she heard him say her voice, and yeah... maybe this would be okay.

3. Graduation

Klaus had just turned his phone back on when it began to beep incessantly.  He raised a brow, seeing the various missed calls and texts from Caroline.  As much as he would like to believe she'd been reaching out to say she'd missed him, he wasn't quite so caught up in his own charms as to be that foolish.  She still needed time, preferably away from this small town and her foolish friends, before she would make a decision in his favor. 

Luckily for them both, he had nothing but time to give to her. Until she made that final step towards him, he would amuse himself in New Orleans with Marcellus and let her lead her life. 

He hoped she would appreciate the graduation gift he was prepared to give her, even though it made him want to seethe with jealousy.  But part of living her life meant growing out of her relationship with Lockwood.  It had already begun to happen, but without time with the boy she would turn him into a martyr in her mind. 

He lifted the phone to his ear, to listen to the message she had left him, and felt himself grin, even as he sighed. 

Of course Damon Salvatore would get himself bit by a werewolf and need his assistance. 

Well, Caroline could consider it another gift. 

But if the veil really had opened between their world and the next, he wasn't going to spend his time playing errand boy.  He had plenty of enemies that might view Caroline as a weakness - and they would rue the day they failed to realize that having such a weakness made him infinitely more dangerous - so he would find her first, and Damon could be saved later. 

He had never thought himself the knight in shining armor type, but he did have to admit... the look on her face when he appeared to save them all from some very angry witches who should be dead - it was almost enough to make him contemplate taking up do-gooder status.  

Sadly, that didn't last all that long.

"We need-"

"My blood," Klaus cut her off before he could finish, already looking around for something to use as a container.  For Caroline, he would give a donation.  But not even for her would he allow Damon Salvatore's mouth anywhere near his body.  It was the Doppelganger, who held out a water bottle, and the Quarterback of all people, that offered him a knife.  "Well, look at that.  I'm sure this makes you very prepared for your inevitably horrifying and bloody death."

"Klaus," Caroline hissed, smile replaced by a narrow-eyed glare.  But Klaus just smirked at her, because he knew her well enough now, to know when she was truly angry.  And in this case, the anger was all for show.  

"For you," he said, offering her the bottle once he'd poured some of his blood into her. For a second, she hesitated.  He wondered if she was thinking about the other times he had given her his blood.  If she recalled that this was the first time it came without pain to her.  Perhaps he might be capable of feeling just the slightest inklings of guilt.  But only for her.

The bottle had barely passed from his hand to hers, before Stefan had it away from her and had taken off, Elena at his heels.  

"Thank-you," Caroline said, and it might have been a moment, if not for the fact that she was called away to take care of something.  Because of course Caroline was the one in charge of the entire day.

So they didn't get that moment, not until later, when he found her cleaning up, and the ghosts had been returned to his other side.  Including Kol, though Klaus had plans to reverse that in the near future.  He wouldn't tell Caroline of them yet, however.

Instead, he offered her Tyler Lockwood's freedom and kissed her cheek with a promise of eternity.  And never in his thousand years of life had he ever found anything so hard as walking away from her, with no return promise that she wanted to spend her eternity with him.

+ One. Where We Say Fuck Canon

New Orleans was both exactly and nothing at all like Caroline had expected. 

It had the energy she thought it would, the atmosphere.  She swore she could feel eyes watching her from empty windows, and wondered if the buildings she passed really were haunted, or if it was just her imagination running away with her.  During her college years, when she'd found herself regretting some of her choices and wondering about the world outside her little group of friends she could never bear to leave... she'd read about the city and it's ghosts and she had imagined she would feel just like this.

It was nothing like she'd expected, because in all her imaginations, she'd never been here alone.  Even after she'd made him promise to never return to her, she'd always imagined that, someday, she might return to him instead.  Show up in this city and play his voicemail and demand a tour.

In all those dreams she'd had of this place, she had never been alone. 

It was odd, to stand on Bourbon Street and have no one at her side.  Even when she'd been a teenager thinking that no one loved her, she had never been alone in this way.  Most of the ones she'd left behind in Mystic Falls had no idea where she was.  Only Bonnie and Enzo, who had both offered to accompany her... but this was something Caroline needed to do herself.  

It was the first step towards her eternity, and she would never embrace it fully if she was still dragging her past right behind her. 

So now, here she was, apparently five years later than she should be - but she'd just gotten a text from Rebekah of all people a week ago, so she hadn't realized there was an issue going back five years. 

Nik's been trapped under New Orleans half a decade.  Do something about it, won't you?

For the first time ever, Caroline had been able to respond with "new phone, who 'dis?" only for Rebekah to call her and rant at her for almost an hour, asking how she dare forget about her.  Caroline hadn't, of course, but she had forgotten Rebekah's number as soon as she'd been able too.  After all, she hadn't been the one with the poison healing blood and promises of forever.  Caroline hadn't really expected to ever need the other woman's phone number again, like, ever. 

But after the lecture, she'd managed to get the entire story out of Rebekah.  The story of how her brother had sacrificed his own life - which, what? - so that his siblings could get away from Rebekah's ex, who also happened to be Klaus' adopted son, who was now even more powerful than the Original Hybrid himself thanks to some witchy woo-woo.

Yeah, it was a whole thing. And apparently the Mikaelson family's relationships with each other were even more messed up than Caroline had ever realized. 

So, Caroline had decided to ride into New Orleans and play the role of super heroine, while leaving Elena and her Salvatore brothers in the dark.  It's not like they were expecting to hear from her after all, since that whole awkward her and Stefan almost being a thing, thing.  It had been a time in her life when she made multiple poor decisions.  She regretted basically all of them and would like to forget about everyone they involved except Enzo and Bonnie, thank-you very much. 

And it was stupid, really, that even here, in a city she had never been before, the past constantly hounded her steps.

She didn't want the past anymore.  She wanted the future.  She wanted the future Klaus Mikaelson had promised her under the stars on the night of her graduation, sealed with a kiss on her cheek that she'd never been able to forget.  Even more than their one afternoon in the woods outside her hometown, it was that kiss that she remembered.

The sex had been a good-bye.

But that kiss... that kiss, placed so softly against her cheek.  That kiss that still burned her skin, left her able to feel his lips as clearly as if it had happened just yesterday - that kiss had been an oath that they would someday have forever together.

And she still wasn't sure if she was entirely ready to cash in on that oath, but it would never happen if he remained buried in the basement of some dusty old building because he hadn't been able to get out of his own way long enough to make peace with a boy he had, apparently, raised. 

That had been a surprise. And, okay, Rebekah hadn't exactly said the whole thing was Klaus' fault.  She'd actually painted him out to be rather heroic, all things considered.  But she'd left him there for five years, and Caroline felt she was familiar enough with Klaus' worst habits that she could safely assume it was, somehow, all his fault.  That he had actually taken one for Team Mikaelson so his family could get away?

That showed some growth. And after a thousand years, growth was actually kind of impressive. 

Caroline shook her head, because being distracted right now wasn't a thing she should be.  The amulet around her neck that made her invisible to the supernatural had a time limit, and she had activated it once she'd figured out exactly what address she needed to get to.  One hour.  That's how long she had, according to Bonnie.  Rebekah had warned her that Klaus' enemies included some witches that were pretty powerful in their own right, but a follow up call from Kol, remarkably alive, had assured her that those witches had nothing on a Bennett Witch.

Hopefully he wasn't being bitter and spiteful, because if it turned out that Bonnie's spell wasn't good enough... well, dead wasn't a look that would suit Caroline, so she just wouldn't consider the possibility. 

It was weird, to walk right by vampires and have them look right through her.  It would have been the worst nightmare of seventeen year old Caroline, who had felt invisible without it being literal.  Now she was just kind of glad.  There were a lot of vampires, and while Caroline had taken on some stupid odds in her life, she'd always done it under duress and never alone.  

She had to wait a little longer than she wanted, for someone to let her into the house, and she got slightly turned around at one point before finding the entrance.  The dungeon below the Abattoir. 

It was dark and gross and very much looked like it belonged in a scene from Nosferatu.  But no one seemed to notice that she had entered. The whole place was eerily silent until Caroline finally found Klaus, shackled to the wall and looking completely terrible. 

"Well, you've seen better days."

Klaus' head shot up, and he looked around with wild eyes, his fangs bared.  

"Caroline?" he asked the air.  "Come to haunt me again?  I thought I told you to sod off."

Caroline found herself blinking in surprise, and she quirked her head.  Her fingers hovered over the ring she wore on her pinky, the one that Bonnie had spelled.  She knew she had limited time; only about twenty minutes before the spell faded.  But she had to take the moment, to just look at him. 

Wild, she thought again.  That really was the best way to describe him.  His hair, his eyes, his expression.  Everything about him was wild, and for a moment fear clutched her throat, and she thought about turning around.  Just walking out, not endangering everyone.  Because he was dangerous.  He was more than dangerous.  Klaus was dangerous when he was sane; without the sanity?  Caroline wasn't sure he would leave anyone alive, including her.

"I lied," he murmured, before she made any decisions, clutching his head.  "Speak to me again, Love."

She pulled off the ring and let it drop to the ground.  When Klaus' head snapped up again, those wild eyes landing on her, she didn't feel endangered anymore.  Klaus wasn't looking at her like he wanted her dead.

He was looking at her like a parched man seeing water.

"You know, I kind of always hoped you might do something decent," she said, kneeling at his side.  When he just continued to stare at her, she lifted her hand.  After another moment of hesitation, she stroked his cheek, and then ran her fingers up to his hair, pushing the strands out of his hair.  "Of course, sacrificing your freedom for an indefinite period of time wasn't what I really was thinking of.  Maybe just letting your sister date someone without trying to kill them would have been a good step."

"Caroline?" he whispered, raising his hand to grasp at her wrist.  It came up just short, however, the chain not quite letting him reach her.  "You... you can't be here.  You're a hallucination.  You love to haunt me."

"Really?" she asked, hand cradling his jaw.  "I come all this way and you accuse me of being a hallucination. Rude."

He stared at her, and slowly the beast faded from his eyes, until they were blue and normal and staring at her with shock.

"You can't be here, Love.  He'll kill you, and I can't save you."

"By him do you mean your adopted son?  Because really, Klaus, your family?  Makes mine look normal, and my father literally tried to torture the vampire out of me." She moved away from him a bit to test the chains that held him.  They were spelled not to break against supernatural strength, of course.  Normal chains would never hold Klaus Mikaelson in place. 

But Caroline had learned a thing or two over the years, and she pulled a bobbie pin out of her hair, carefully bending it in the exact ways she and Enzo had learned, when she had sat down with him and googled directions for picking locks, so that he'd have a way to escape a cage besides brute strength. 

The chains might be protected against being broken... but they were still susceptible to good old fashioned lock picking.  Enzo had picked it up easier, but Caroline's competitive nature meant she hadn't been able to give up until she was damn good at it herself, and in just a few minutes, the chains fell from him.

"Can you stand?" she asked him, as he shook his limbs, staring at the way he was suddenly free. 

"You can't be here," he said again.  "Leave.  I'll tear my way out if I must."

Caroline checked her watch.  Ten minutes left, and the ring wouldn't protect them both.  She let out a slow breath and contemplated the area.  There wasn't anything that screamed "I'll help you escape!"

"Well, we're doing this," she muttered, and before she could think twice, she bit into her wrist, in the way Klaus had so many years ago, and then cradled his back, pressing the bloody cut to his lips.

She thought he might refuse at first, but for once she was stronger than him, and way more stubborn.  So in just a few seconds, he was pulling blood from the wound, making Caroline wince.  But she still stroked his hair, the same way she remembered him doing.  Not that she remembered much about the second time... but she could make some assumptions. 

"Why are you here?" he asked, after letting her wrist go and pulling back from her.  His color was already better, and Caroline cleaned her already healing wrist on her jeans, wrinkling her nose at the fact that the whole thing wasn't sanitary at all.

"Really?  Not a thank-you, or a hello? Or a solid plan for getting out of here, because I honestly don't really have one, and being killed by the Uber You is not a thing I want."

Caroline was already moving away, looking for an escape, when Klaus grabbed her hand and spun her around.  She found herself pulled into a sudden hug that had her freezing for a moment, before slowly wrapping her arms around him.  He... was a surprisingly good hugger.  And was already warm again, even though he'd been cold and clammy before she'd fed him her blood.

"Thank-you, Caroline," he murmured, his voice and breath warm against her ear.  

"I... your welcome."

"And there's another way out this way."

Still holding her hand, he turned and led her in the opposite direction she had been going.  Their fingers twined together, and the whole thing felt right, made her feel almost giddy. 

"You're okay with this?" she asked him.  "Just leaving?"

"I can return to murder Marcel and everyone he ever cared about." She should probably be disturbed by that, but instead it just soothed the worry she hadn't even realized she'd been feeling.  Klaus was still in there.  Her Klaus.  And that felt right, too.  "But I promised you the world once.  I'd like to begin to keep that promise, before you remember I'm the devil and run away."

"I might do that anyway," Caroline admitted, although it felt less likely than it had before, now that he was holding her hand in his.  "I'm not the best bet, Klaus.  I might have some issues."

"Don't we all?" he replied carelessly, before he stopped, turning to look at her once again.  "You're hardly a worse bet than I, Caroline.  Yet here you are."

"Yeah," she agreed, softly.  "Here I am."

"And here I am as well."

And then he was kissing her.  It wasn't the chaste kiss on the cheek at her graduation, or the wild passion in the forest.  It was...

It was sweet, but promising.  The type of promising that made her believe that maybe they weren't such bad bets after all.

"Let's get out here," he said, pulling back, and Caroline felt her lips slowly curve into a smile, remembering the last time he'd said those words.

"Before twelve angry hybrids decide to pick a fight?"

"Or several dozen very angry vampires."

And still clutching her hand, he took off.  And it didn't feel like running away from several very angry vampires, even though that's very much what they were doing.

Instead, it felt like running towards forever. Finally.

#Klaroline #Klaroline fic #ofthedirewolves #kcbingo2020

[bestillmyslashyheart]

own personal hell 3/3

part one || part two

It was nine days before Alex got Rosa’s text. It was another four before he could get back to Roswell. 

Michael never woke up. The crucifix brand on his arm erupted in fresh blood and boils, the scent of charred skin filling Maria’s apartment, on the third day. After that, they moved him into a private room at the hospital, the need to keep him alive overriding Isobel’s security concerns. On the seventh, Michael started cringing in pain and arching his back off of the bed until Kyle turned him on his stomach. A look under his shirt showed a back that was bruised a deep violent purple. A pained whisper of Max’s name clued Isobel into the bruise’s origins. She hadn’t thought Max had thrown him into the truck that hard but clearly she was wrong. 

Every day, Isobel lost hours to Michael’s mind. She shoved as many happy memories and positive thoughts at him as she could but she could only keep it up for so long. For every hour she was with Michael, she needed twice that to recover. If there was a silver lining from all of this, it was that Isobel was finally getting to know her brother. Standing next to him and facing his memories with him showed her first hand the horrors he’d faced in the system while she and Max had been safe at home with their parents. She watched him fall in love with Alex (watched him get his heart broken and fall in love again anyway, and then do it all over again, and again). There was so much more to their relationship than she had ever imagined. She watched and felt Michael and Max’s relationship splinter and fracture and crumble in the wake of Rosa’s death and their secret. She felt the soft glow of love and friendship in his memories of Liz and Maria and, surprisingly, Jenna Cameron. Then there was Caulfield. Isobel still had trouble processing Michael’s emotions from that day. There was elation and relief at not being alone, at having real family, but there was also heartbreak and rage and self-hatred for their deaths, for causing their deaths inadvertently. 

It was all a mess. Michael was a mess. And he was dying under the pressure of his own mind. All Isobel could do was stand there and watch.

On the thirteenth day, Isobel settled into the bed next to Michael and delved deep once again. As always, she was immediately bombarded with glimpses and snippets of Michael’s memories, his thoughts and feelings, as she searched for him. She never felt the weight of his memories until she was right next to him but it never occurred to her to stay away once she was in his head, no matter how uncomfortable she may get.

“Guerin?” Everything stilled. One word and the whirlwind of Michael’s thoughts paused. His head lifted up a fraction from where it was huddled in his arms. “Michael?” Isobel felt the calm start to wash over her as she felt the faint pressure of calloused hands cradling Michael’s left hand, careful of his injury. “Jesus Christ, Guerin.” Isobel could tell the speaker was whispering but she heard him loud and clear. Michael slowly uncurled.

“Alex?” He croaked.

Isobel’s eyes widened in surprise though she wasn’t sure why. Of course Alex would be the one to get through to Michael, that’s what she’d determined that first day, but she hadn’t recognized his voice. It sounded different through Michael’s ears. And, if she was being honest with herself, she hadn’t been entirely sure Alex could actually do it. 

“Can you hear me?” Alex sounded unsure, almost timid. Michael nodded in response even though Alex had no way of seeing him. Isobel saw that and rolled her eyes, pausing for just a moment to soak in the quiet before slowly pulling out. 

When she opened her eyes, Alex was standing next to the bed on Michael’s other side, his fatigues dirty as if he’d come straight here from training without pause. He looked weary and strangely hesitant somehow as he cradled Michael’s hand in his own, his thumb stroking gently over the bandage. “Bout time,” Isobel griped as she struggled to sit up. Alex jerked his head in surprise at her voice, one of his hands leaving Michael to help her up. “He’s quiet.”

“I-” Alex shook his head. “Kyle tried to explain what was going on but it didn’t make any sense.”

“Michael tried something new, it backfired, he’s trapped in his head in like this vortex of misery, and you’re the only one who get him out.”

“How?” Alex almost pleaded.

Isobel half shrugged. “Don’t ask me to explain your relationship with my brother to you. All I know is his mind is a mess and nothing has been able to soothe him even a little bit in two weeks until he heard your voice. When you said his name, things quieted in that head of his. So now I need you to convince him to wake up.”

“You realize we’ve barely spoken in months, right?” Alex blinked. “And you want me to, what, convince him to live?”

“Trust me, if I could do it I would have already. Maria already tried. Neither one of us in two weeks has accomplished a fraction of what you did by just saying his name.” Isobel didn’t think she’d have to convince him to save Michael. “Just, I don’t know, talk to him. Remind him that the memories he’s trapped in are just that. That reality is out here.”

Michael whimpered and Alex forgot Isobel was there. She watched as his hand hovered next to Michael’s face, his fingers twitching like he needed to touch. Michael’s head rolled to the side so he could face Alex. “‘lex?” Michael whispered.

It was the first word he’d spoken out loud since he’d fallen under.

“Yeah, Guerin, I’m here,” Alex promised, his fingers finally giving in to his desire as he cupped Michael’s face. His thumb rubbed over Michael’s cheek. “I’m here.”

“I might need to take you in,” Isobel suggested quietly. “So you can actually talk to him.”

“How do we do that?”

“Get comfortable,” Isobel directed. “You kind of lose track of time in there and you really shouldn’t be standing.” Alex pulled up a chair without letting go of Michael’s hand and nodded at Isobel to continue. “I’m going to go into your mind and make that connection and then bring you into Michael’s so you need to keep your mind open and let me in.

Alex nodded again and Isobel sank into the familiar feeling. Even with someone she’d never done this with before, the sensation was like greeting an old friend. Isobel barely had time to blink before the connection was in place.

“Is this it?” Alex asked immediately. He looked around them at the soft hazy space, a solid steel wall on his right. Isobel eyed it curiously, confused by the unexpected sight. 

“We’re in your mind,” Isobel explained absently, her attention still on the wall. 

“And now Michael’s?” Alex urged.

Isobel nodded and focused on Michael’s mind. At this point, it took nothing to slip inside. His mind opened up for her like the door of his Airstream. In a breath they moved seamlessly from Alex’s walled in serenity to the center of Michael’s tornado. Isobel braced herself for Alex’s reaction but she needn’t have worried. He immediately left her side and almost danced his way through the mess, careful not to disturb anything as he made his way straight towards Michael. Isobel wandered close enough to see them, to see Michael unfurl under Alex’s touch, but stayed far enough away to give them their privacy.

As the tension left Michael’s body, the space around her slowed until it stilled. And then it changed. What was an almost senseless void faded into the New Mexico desert, nothing around for miles except Michael’s beat up old truck which appeared beneath him and Alex. The sun was starting to set on the horizon and the sky was painted in swaths of orange and gold and purple.

Alex’s laugh filled the air. “You’ve got a thing for desert sunsets,” he teased lightly. Isobel looked over to see Michael shrug as he settled himself in Alex’s arms, the two of them braced against the window of the cab.

“What’s not to love?” Michael asked, his voice surprisingly clear.

Alex hummed in response, the slightest sound covering the distance between them and Isobel easily. “We never really got to see many of them.”

“Not yet,” Michael returned softly.

Alex looked down at him. “You want more sunsets?”

“Yeah.” Michael looked up at Alex. “It’s peaceful.”

“Calms the chaos?”

“No, that’s you. The sunsets are just the icing on top.”

“Michael-” Alex choked out. “You know this is a dream, right?”

“It’s a good dream.” Michael looked away. “Had a lot of nightmares lately.”

“So wake up,” Alex nudged him gently. “We’re in your head, Guerin. None of this is real. You want more sunsets? Wake up.”

Michael hummed. “But you won’t be there when I wake up. I only get you in my dreams.”

Alex moved Michael far enough away that Michael was forced to turn and look at him. “This may be a dream, but I’m real. I’m here and I’m in the damn hospital room next to you.”

“Fine,” Michael agreed easily. “But as soon as I wake up, you’ll leave again.”

“You wanted me to leave,” Alex reminded him. “You started a relationship with Maria and asked me to give you space to move on.”

“Yeah well I was an idiot. I thought I could be happy without you.”

“You are happy, Guerin.”

“No I’m not. Not really. I’m happier, I’m content, I’m solid for maybe the first time in my life, but I’m not happy.” Michael shifted fully away from Alex and looked out at the setting sun. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Alex confessed softly. “But I’m not having this conversation in your head. Wake up so we can talk for real.”

Michael sighed and shook his head. “It’s not all nightmares in here.”

Alex closed his eyes like he couldn’t believe Michael’s stubbornness. “Yeah? What’s the best dream you have?”

“Me and you, out here one night with our guitars. It was your third visit home after you left.”

“...and you remember the guitars?” The way he said guitars told Isobel that a lot more than music had happened that night.

Michael shrugged. “I get to relive the good stuff, not the best stuff.”

Alex seemed to come to a decision and nodded sharply before sitting up and swinging a leg over Michael’s and settling in his lap. Michael grabbed his hips as Alex tangled his fingers in Michael’s hair. Isobel watched with a sort of morbid fascination as Alex slowly closed the gap between them before pausing a hairsbreadth away from Michael’s lips. “You wanna what’s great about the real world?” Alex whispered. “You get more of the best stuff.”

Michael leaned forward to close the gap but Alex moved away after a few scant seconds. He was up and out of Michael’s lap before Isobel could blink. Michael’s groan filled the air. “Alex.”

“Wake up, Guerin,” he commanded. “I’ll be waiting.” He joined Isobel. “Let’s go.”

“What?” Isobel stared at him as Michael shouted his name.

“Let’s go. If we stay here, he has no reason to wake up.”

Isobel opened her mouth to argue before deciding against it. She gave Michael a lingering look before slipping out of his mind with Alex in tow. 

They woke up to Kyle hovering over them. “You’ve been out for six hours,” he chided. 

Isobel groaned as she tried to move, her limbs protesting the action after so long. “Any change in Michael?” Kyle shook his head.

“Did it work?” Liz asked from the doorway, Rosa peering over her shoulder. 

“Evidently not,” Isobel grumbled as she forced herself to her feet. Kyle pressed a bottle of acetone into her hands and she smiled gratefully before chugging half of the bottle. She’d likely spend the rest of the day sleeping this off but she wanted to stay awake as long as possible to see if Michael woke up.

Alex hadn’t moved from his chair, though he was massaging his leg like it ached something fierce. “You tried, Alex,” Isobel told him. “It’s up to him now.” 

Alex nodded as he accepted a quick hug from Liz and Rosa. Apparently he hadn’t stopped for pleasantries on his way in. 

They waited around for another hour before Isobel could hardly keep her eyes open and Alex admitted he desperately needed a shower. Kyle agreed to keep an eye on Michael while Liz and Rosa offered to drive the two of them home. They were almost out the door when-

“Reality sucks.”

The five of them nearly tripped over each other as they all rushed back into the room. Michael watched them bleary eyed from his bed. Isobel let out a watery laugh as she hugged Michael tightly before smacking him upside the head. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“I promise.” 

“Hey Mikey,” Liz ducked in for a hug the second Isobel pulled away, “You had us all worried.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “How long was I out?”

“Two weeks,” Rosa told him as she ducked in to press a kiss to his cheek. She wasn’t a hugger unless it was Liz. Michael stared at her in shock.

“Two weeks?!”

“It’s why you’re in the hospital,” Kyle explained kindly. “We needed to keep an eye on you and make sure you got your fluids and nutrients.” Michael blinked at him. 

“Holy shit, I’m sorry Izzy,” he turned to her. “I didn’t mean to leave you alone like that.”

“I know,” she promised, gripping his hand tight. “And now you’re back.”

“Now I’m back.” He squeezed her hand and then looked away. Isobel didn’t need to follow his gaze to know he was looking for Alex.

“Alright. I seriously need to sleep for like a solid day so someone’s driving me home right now.” She hopped off of the bed and shooed Kyle and the Ortecho’s out ahead of her, unsubtly leaving Alex in the room with Michael. 

“You said you’d be waiting,” she heard Michael say.

“And here I am,” Alex replied.

“You also said the real world has the best stuff,” Michael half asked hopefully. Isobel closed the door on the sound of Alex’s quiet laugh and lips meeting.

She turned around to see Maria hunched over in a waiting chair, her knee bouncing anxiously. “Is he okay?”

The four of them paused, unsure of what to say. Isobel knew she wasn’t the only one to hear their exchange. 

“He’s okay,” Liz finally said. “He’s awake. But I think he and Alex need to talk so maybe give them some time?”

Maria’s face fell as she nodded. “Yeah, okay. You’re sure he’s okay.”

“He is,” Kyle promised. “Come on. We’ve all been up for weeks. Go home and get some sleep. Come back in the morning when you and he are both wide awake and not about to pass out.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. That’s smart.” Maria cast a sad but resigned look at Michael’s door before gathering her things and following them out.

#malex fic #with actual malex this time whoo #my fic #roswell fic #isobel pov #rnm #i swear i put a read more on this thing #long post #sorry

[czec-hoslo-vak-ians]

This episode is definitely in the top seven of the season.

Michael and Maria 👽

Scene goes 💜

I really enjoy the other set of 4 they are just more fun than the set of four that we have in Roswell. The hard version Isabel just doesn't sit well but I still do enjoy her, out of them all Zan my least favorite one. Well of course Zan and Rath are fighting just like Michael and Max do in Roswell. The look Lonnue and Rath Exchange you can tell that something fishy is about to go down.

This teacher is a snooze Fest of course the remarkable loss is referring to Max losing Liz., and of course Liz trying to make small talk talking about the star but the under lighting talking about her relationship with Max, and Max knew exactly what she was talking about don't blame him from walking away from that conversation. The other aliens are more meaner and rougher I just love how is about to change that license plate while Michael ripped the guy out of the car. I totally would have changed the color of the car also. Well Zan is no longer in the picture. The look Lonnie give Ava with a warning that you would be next if you don't get in line.

Brody we haven't seen him in a while I really like it when they just throw him in once in a while. 👽 Brody is totally smitten for Maria. Fixing his hair and everything, hence why he kicked Max out like that. I could definitely ship Brody and Maria I love that she's flipping out over the sandwich even though it's not the sandwich she's really flipping out about. That was nice of ready to give Maria a tip I really like how he tried to have a conversation with her but she's already gone.

I like that Lonnie is studying the other four. Rath is like we got to get to Summit no matter how we get there. Ava is a loose cannon it seems like she can't handle what's going on. Max totally could have waited one more mile he didn't have to stop the car right in front of her. It sad that Max and Isabel relationship seems like it's not as strong as it was in season 1 it feels like there are too many secrets between them.

I wonder how long has the rougher side Aliens new about the other four I think Michael is the only one that knows there's another set of them out there I don't think he's told the other three yet. I can't believe they're getting pulled over to Valenti's dumb as a doorknob that he doesn't know that Michael isn't Michael just by there looks alone you can tell they're different, the way they're acting, the way they're talking. He is saying way too much giving himself away that he knows that they are not human. I can't believe this dumb that he's going to lead them straight to Max's house like that. However in his defense he does not know that there are another set of them out there. It's not they can't be around each other it's more that Max doesn't want to be around Liz the pain is too much for him.

Lonnie and Rath treat Ava so unappreciative. The way Lonnie and Rath or dissing on Max stuff it's a little bit funny the picture of Liz is Lonnie is correct she really doesn't have anything going on for her. The father has changed from season 1 it's a different person and to I can't believe he's buying that Isabel would play in School play Romeo Juliet does he doesn't recognize his own daughter he should sense that something is off with her, but of course he doesn't. Right there when she said the therapy laughing not knowing what he's talking about but then backtracked he sure picked up on that.

Wow really Brody gave $100 tip I wish more people would tip like that. The facts of Brody doesn't like like Ben Franklin because of his hair but he likes the bills that have Andrew Jackson on them because he has a lock of hair Brody cracks me up and I like how he slid in asking Maria out to lunch for a date I love how he explained that their lunch will be not a date if Maria brought lunch for herself and his lunch but paid for herself. The way he saying it is super cute. Should be shocked that no one recognizes that beet other Michael Isabelle and Tess aren't the real of Michael Isabel and Tess. Right when Rath kissed Liz she should recognized that he would never do that even flirting with her she should realized something was different.

I don't blame them for being a little irritated over Max talking about a dying star that really doesn't call for a emergency meeting. Alex always late so party but it's the first one to realize that those are duplicate. Why is Michael acting like he doesn't know who they are and calling them shapeshifters with knows that there were four others but came out of the pod. Now the light bulb goes on for Michael. So I guess Michael did tell everyone else. I like how they told part of the story on how they lost Zan.

I like how Lonnie and Michael are talking and how Rath and Max are talking. Of course there would be a defective set. For some reason I think Lonnie is lying to Michael. You totally can tell that Rath is definitely lying about being close to Zan. A funny feeling that Lonnie is going to tell Max about Isabel being Valandra. Poor Alex feel so out of place right now. He just trying to be a nice guy and offer them in drinks. You can tell that there's division in the group on both sides.

I don't blame Maria for being mad at Liz for her not telling her that duplicate Michael kissed her. I'm surprised that Liz didn't tell Maria about the whole Kyle situation sooner, Yikes Brody walking in this is no good. And of course Rath wasn't going to hide now Michael has to pretend he has a twin brother. I have to hand it to Maria to play on Brody's feelings like that to distract him right in front of Michael kind of like a dig at Michael. He has a little bit of a hurt look in his eyes. I am here for Brody and Maria they would be cute together. I wonder what Twisted plan Lonnie has to make Max come to the summit.

Yep so knew Lonnie going to tell Max about Valandra and selling him out on his home planet. Lonnie knows that that Max doesn't know any of this that Isabel didn't tell him. Well they got Max go to the summit with them. The moment Isabel started yelling at Max you knew that it wasn't Isabel because she would never yell at Max like that. Of course Max would do the opposite of what Michael says which pushed it over in the edge. However I think Michael really wanted to go to the summit so when he said to Max bad idea to go to Summit you knew that it wasn't him because Michael was upset that the rest of them didn't get invited to go to Summit. Lonnie and Rath kissing like that 🤮.

I totally understand where Max is coming from needing a clean break from Liz. It's a shame that Liz can't tow Max anything more than what you did about the granilith. I like that we got to see what actually happened to Zan. I can't believe they killed him the way they did. 5 would have been tight in that tiny car I don't blame Ava for not going with them Rath threatening her like that is showing his true colors. I can't believe that didn't look too suspicious to Max that his Spidey senses aren't going off that something about this whole situation is off.

💜 Michael really stepped in it this time you should choose to tell your girlfriend saying over the dirt bike finals however it's Michael so that is a typical answer for him. I don't blame Maria for being pissed.

Quote of the episode: " but maybe the next time you bring me a sandwich you can bring one for yourself and not charge me for it even though I have too much money but pay for it yourself because that would make it officially not a date and then stay and eat it with me and keep me company while I'm dateless"

Coming up next: Max in the city pt 2

Pic NOT mine

#roswell #maria #michael #meet the Dupree's #season 2

[kiss-my-freckle]

Basic prediction

“Tell Patrick I love him. Like a son.” The traitor in the family, Patrick will be the one to kill the woman from Paris, then Patrick’s own death will serve a double purpose. It'll be Dembe's consequence for choosing his imam. Divided loyalty, just like Smokey. Dembe’s imam lives, Patrick dies. The other purpose: avenge Agnes. I believe Patrick's hit will push her storyline, as I think she’ll suffer an injury when he kills the woman. Then Agnes’ storyline will push through to Liz's second memory wipe, which should then push them all the way back to the pilot. 

Dom wasn't a player in the game. Neither was Patrick. Dom took a bullet, Patrick didn’t for a reason. Patrick’s attack is what I’d consider a monsoon, as I believe everything will reverse through this single act. I believe it will play opposite Ian Garvey. Instead of Red breaking in to save Liz and Tom, I believe Patrick and his team are gonna storm Liz’s balcony doors and shoot their way through the back. I believe the woman is going to die in her effort to protect Agnes just as Tom did with Liz. 

Ilya’s two leads

Hannah's episode splits the difference. Patrick Masuda is still a player in the game because he lost both his parents. "I have two leads. One lead is still a work in progress. The other one is solid. What do you know about Norman Devane?" Their lead on Norman Devane pushed through to Patrick Masuda in 7x7, which led to Red calling the woman from Paris and Patrick walking away because of their new lead. Motya Morozov was used as a new lead for the sole purpose of pushing their first lead, Berdy Chernov. That lead went from Ilya’s contact to Aram at the goddaughter's wedding, but followed straight through to Berdy's death in 7x18. This was done so that Patrick would have time to better himself.

The only way anyone can understand what I’m saying about these leads, is by tracking both leads from Devane’s episode and watch how they push through. Patrick has been out of the story since 7x7. That’s the point. Motya Morozov picked up in his place. Basically, Patrick was given 12+ episodes to prepare for this woman’s kill, all thanks to the woman opening her mouth about Morozov. She killed herself when she threw Patrick under the bus. 

Little Red Riding Hood 

The “gift” started with Garvey, went through Red’s birthday bank heist, and will land on Agnes as she’s nearing her fourth birthday. Garvey’s “good news” will be Liz’s “bad news.” A lot of S7 works on opposite sides. Dembe doing cross stich. A friendship bracelet is coming. I was thinking maybe one will be coming for Agnes. After all, she’s gonna believe she witnessed her grandmother dying, and he told the warden he was saving his words for the next life. She is the next life.

“Raymond, Masuda may have just hired them for a kill. And there’s only one person I am aware of who Katarina wants dead right now.” Red IS Katarina and he wants the woman from Paris dead. He already let Patrick go, so consider that his hire. “And make something better of yourself.” How does one become better in the criminal world. How does one become a better thief. 

Ilya’s dialogue. “I found Patrick Masuda. He’s a young man who now lives in Baltimore under a new last name. Two years ago, the kid was dying from a rare blood disease.” Where have we heard about rare blood diseases? Constantin Rostov. Perhaps someone has a rare blood disease. I believe this could very well push Stark’s storyline. After all, Red was asking about his blood panels. Interesting dialogue for Patrick. “I was watching TV when we heard Constance - Sorry. What did you say her real name was?” Just like Garvey, “What’s your name, darling?” Patrick’s gonna die all the same. He can find Katarina Rostova through her daughter. She was in the newspaper. The way he speaks of this woman taking care of him since he lost his parents... sounds a lot like Jennifer with Garvey. 

Memory manipulations 

I took notice to where Hannah kept her rapist. Hanging in a padded room much like Ilya was hanging from the ceiling fan in a padded room. Ilya’s memory recall to Liz’s second memory wipe. The butterflies. As I said before, they symbolize resurrection. "He rose from the grave once. I’m pretty sure he will again." Red doesn’t need to rise from the grave again. Once was enough. Little Red's turn to rise from her grave. After all, Reddington is Agnes’ grandfather. Do I even have to talk about the park and how it fits in line with Liz’s Djinn fantasy. Purposeful teacup in 7x10. Upside down turns right side up in Hannah’s episode. Motya Morozov said there’s a silver lining with Skip Sutherland. That’s where Ressler comes in. Skip’s dialogue. “It’s horses for courses, I suppose.” Different people are suited to different things or situations. Basically, what Red said to Kate in Esteban’s episode. “Wisdom is learning the boundaries of one's designated lane.” The theif should’ve stayed a thief. The lamb should’ve stayed a lamb. The FBI agent should stay an FBi agent, not run a criminal empire. 

Hannah’s episode cuts it. Ilya pulls in the Sikorsky Archive. The Sikorsky Archive pulls in Liz’s second memory wipe.

#Rederina

[daughterofelros]

Hey so I saw your post about Alex and his resilience and how he's rate on a scale and how this relates to his childhood trauma etc and was really curious to know/understand more on the topic and how it manifests with alex but also you mentioned rosa? And the other characters too. If you're happy to elaborate otherwise no worries of course. What interpretations do you make from what we've seen on screen? ☺

Oh my gosh Nonnie, thank you for the juicy, delicious ask!

The Connor-Davidson Resilience Scale (Commonly abbreviated to CD-RISC) measures, in its full version, 25 different statements. Some of the ones that stand out to me in thinking about a bunch of the RNM characters include being able to adapt and change, having close and secure relationships, able to make unpopular/difficult decisions, know where to get help, but they’re all pretty important.

As established in my earlier assessment, Alex Manes = Super Resilient, and that definitely has an effect on the ways he handles the traumas he’s faced over his life.

Let me dive into Rosa little bit more first— Rosa, despite not enduring the specific type of abuse that Alex and Michael did as kids, might actually score in a lower percentile than either of those characters on the resilience scale. Part of this is because adverse childhood experiences, though cumulative, aren’t exactly ranked and scaled. Trauma impacts people differently, and you can’t really say whether growing up feeling abandoned by an alcoholic parent in an otherwise supportive context, or never having a safe parental figure, or having a parent die will impact someone “worse”—they’re all adversity, and they all have an impact on our health and capacity for resilience. (Also, inequality isn’t a fixed experience in our brains—for more reading on how weird our brains are in this regard, check out “The Broken Ladder: How Inequality Affects the Way We Think, Live, and Die”  by Keith B Payne).So Rosa definitely has adverse childhood experiences that impact her relationships. At the point when we’re first introduced to her, she’s probably in about the worst place she could be there—Her friendships are being proven to be based on what drugs she can score, her relationship with her mother is shredded, and she’s just learned that Arturo isn’t her father. Even though Arturo’s love and support for her wouldn’t budge an inch, she feels separated from the most supportive relationship in her life, and she’s spiraling. She struggles to adapt, her coping mechanisms mess with her brain chemistry where she’s already contending with dopamine issues due to the mental illness she’s battling , and it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t have a strong read on where to get help (Though she’s willing to accept it—Valenti’s help getting clean, having met once with a therapist, leaning into her artwork).  Pressure doesn’t make her think very clearly, and she doesn’t seem like she takes high levels of pride in her achievements, or trust that she can achieve her goals if she works for them. Traumas are going to hit her hard. They’re not going to roll off her back easily. When she comes back to life, she gets a partial reset button, and handles some big trauma pretty well…but she also is terrified of messing it up, and breaks down if anything gets derailed (see: “I Ruined my Miracle”). I’d say she’s doing a great job coping with what she’s got…but her resilience score isn’t the highest. Things hit her hard.

Let’s look at Michael then. He’s got every reason why his resilience score might not be high. He’s dealt with so damn much. But the thing that’s helped him get through is that his resilience score actually seems like it would be pretty well up there. He doesn’t have good parental figure relationships (understatement of the year)—But he’s got a couple of relationships (Max and Isobel) that won’t abandon him, no matter how he pushes, even when everything is burning around them. Michael clearly believes that working toward goals means he can achieve them. He’s been trying to build the spaceship to take him back home since he was, like, eight. That’s goal-oriented right there! He’s not going to score well in the “getting help” vector at all, but he does work extremely well under pressure (his genius increases when he’s pissed off). Michael also clearly believes that he can deal with whatever comes his way, he ultimately doesn’t give up when things look hopeless (alien pacemaker in 7 hours), and I’d bet my bottom dollar that he would agree that coping with stress has made him stronger. He’d probably rank himself pretty high on the “Can make difficult or unpopular decisions” factor—choosing to take the blame and protect Isobel, volunteering to be the alien who gets turned into the authorities…there are flaws in his reasoning on the last one, and definitely some internalized feelings of his life not being as important…but he shows a clear propensity for being willing to make unspeakably challenging decisions. He probably won’t rank high in the “Pride in my achievements” vector, and that hits up against the things he’s internalized from the ACES he’s had piled on him—from childhood abuse and abandonment right up to Jesse Manes, crippling injury, and covering up murders. His resilience is high, but he’s coping with a lot, and he doesn’t have as many tools to keep coping as, say, Alex does.  We can also see that there’s a pretty debilitating impact when he shifts to the knowledge that his Mom was alive and he watched her die… and then starts to question why she didn’t take him out of the Pod to be with her in 1947. He starts to have thoughts about abandonment that he hadn’t had when he just thought his Mom died in the crash…and that paired with Max’s death really, really throws him. He rejects connections that have ever been tied up in pain and abandonment, and we see him spiraling. His resilience definitely dips when those circumstances occur…and as we see him trust in some of his relationships again, we see his ability to cope return as well. With the right tools and support, he can actually do a lot of healing yet too.

Isobel probably scores pretty high on the scale at the beginning of season 1. She’s had some adverse childhood experiences from waking up from the pods, from being attacked in the desert as a teen., but she’s made it through all of that without a ton of trauma responses (given that the blackouts turned out to be mind control) She’s confident in her goals, her relationships, she’s strong in her decision-making, she believes she’s built herself a good life. She has a supportive family, Max is her person, she’s got Michael, and her husband is amazingly supportive. We don’t see much in the way of friends, but she’s got a Boss-Ass support structure. Until she realizes she doesn’t. That Noah is a thread of rot through all of it, and she’s been deceived on an inconceivable level. And then she loses Max.

Isobel at the beginning of Season 2 would fill this assessment out very, very differently. And the sharp drop in some of the factors of her resilience really make her struggle. Her confidence in herself as a strong person is deeply under review, and she’s leaning a little hard into the god-like powers aspect of herself. Knocking Rosa out with a book is a really alarming manifestation of how her reasoning and coping skills are out of alignment. She’d probably use it as evidence for her ability to make unpopular decisions though. She’d score really high in the vector regardless though—because choosing to terminate a pregnancy in a town like Roswell…that takes so damn much resilience, ability to make decisions under pressure, etc.  She’s still got the resilience that comes from her goal setting and working for things she values though—her training with her powers shows that pretty clearly.

Isobel definitely isn’t going to score high in the “Knows where to get help” vector though. She refuses therapy, refuses help from family, doesn’t seek medical assistance, and almost dies as a result of her abortion, when she would have had all kinds of support from people around her if she’d been able to reach out. Even when she’s struggling, she has a history of resilience to draw on though.

Let’s talk Cam for a moment—we don’t have a lot of info on her childhood, but Cam actually seems to be a character with high scores across the board—for only having 2 years in Roswell, she forms connections pretty readily, goes to people for help, is focused on goals, takes pride in her work. She handles most things with aplomb, and isn’t easily manipulated. Jesse Manes has to work pretty hard on her to get her to bat an eyelash. That’s particularly interesting given the relationship that resilience has in attenuating depression effects and PTSD effects on people with combat experience.

Max is hard to talk about, because we don’t know a lot about where he is this season, and what the trauma of dying and being kept in a pod in constant pain is going to do to him. He seems reasonably able to deal with the hardships he’s faced prior to this, shows a propensity to be able to make unpopular decisions, and is probably the character who is most consistently and intentionally shown investing in relationships. I’d imagine that his resistance score is at least in the middling percentiles. Max is also pretty much the character it’s hardest to wrap my brain around when I’m writing, so that’s why I think I struggle in guessing how he’d assess himself here too.

Kyle is so interesting, because he’s a character who seems to know himself really well, and has maybe also changed the most over 10 years. Kyle these days really values and invests in his relationships—His Mom, Liz, rebuilding a friendship with Alex, trusting Cam. He’s dedicated in pursuing goals, takes pride in his accomplishments, has a reasonably good idea of where to seek help, works well under pressure. He’s had a lot of advantages in life, and while med school definitely tests his resilience and endurance, I don’t know how much his resilience has had to help him get through trauma before this.  I do know that the scene where he almost buys a gun is one of my favorites, because it shows him trying to cope with crisis and handle a lot of stress. I don’t think we’ve seen a full enough arc of how he’s coping yet though—I think there’s more to come.

Maria DeLuca strikes me as scoring relatively high on resilience assessments (or at least the high end of mid-to-upper range). She’s caring for a mother with dementia, runs a business, and deals with racism and misogyny in a town like Roswell, which it’s well-established is renowned for both of those things. Maria has really strong relationships—her Mother is a huge priority, her friends matter deeply to her (fandom drama over ships aside, and whether Alex should forgive her for dating Michael or not, Maria in canon expresses a lot of care for her friends, worries if she’s hurt them, and forgives when she’s hurt herself). She’s close with Arturo, she visits Rosa’s grave once a month. She does a lot of giving, not a lot of getting back, and feels pretty shaken when she’s deceived, but she still has a lot of stable relationships to lean into. She’s…not great at asking for help, or letting on that she needs it- she tries to go everything alone. But she also problem-solves, she pursues her goals, she believes that you get what you work for  (“No one ever accused me of a lack of hustle”),  and she doesn’t give up when she feels hopeless.  She’s probably middle of the road on handling unpleasant feelings—some she handles well, some she reacts intensely to, some she buries. It seems like when a crisis happens, she’s conflicted and struggling in the moment, but processes through things in a reasonably short time. I’d say one of the places that she doesn’t score that high on is the ability to adapt to change. She gets there eventually, but that’s where she struggles the most. The thing is, because of what she’s faced with in daily life, she’s constantly utilizing her resilience. It’s something she leans on all the time.

Liz is brilliant, and amazing, and it’s kind of hard for me to parse this out for her. Strong relationships, she’s got those. She’s great at adapting, great at problem-solving and pursuing her goals. She sees herself as strong, faces challenges, sees the humor in things, bounces back from setbacks, honestly, she would score pretty well in every category. I think there’s pretty clear evidence that with all the things she’s accomplished and all the things she’s endured, Liz Ortecho is a wellspring of resilience, and it definitely attenuates the long-term negative effects she might face from her experiences. She faces some of the same adverse childhood experiences that her sister does, but reacts very differently. Their resilience—despite the similarity of their contexts for nurture—differs substantially…and that’s even before we add in the trauma of Rosa’s death that Liz contends with.

Overall, the characters on this show are a resilient bunch. I’m watching some other shows right now as I make masks for my community, and it strikes me that most of the RNM characters would score higher on the CD-RISC assessment than the characters on those other TV shows (many of whom hold a relatively large amount of privilege).

But notably, the characters on RNM strike me as far more like the people who move through my community every day. Overwhelmingly, my community is comprised of queer people, people of color, homeless and unaccompanied youth, people dealing with mental health issues, sexual assault survivors, abuse survivors, folks with PTSD and DID, and people who would be considered low-socioeconomic status. My community is made up almost entirely of people who deal with adverse experiences, and had intense adverse childhood experiences. Resilience is the norm. Resilience ends up being a key word in almost every letter of recommendation I write. And one of the reasons I love RNM so much is that the characters are brought to life quite realistically. There’s a lot of different truths from experience, and a lot of different paths to similar truth. But overwhelmingly, their responses to these impossible events are grounded in realistic depictions. When it comes to character development, this might just be some of the best writing I’ve ever seen on TV. And for a show that’s solidly in the sci-fi realm…it’s possibly the most realistic show I’ve ever seen.

#RNM meta #Anonymous #Resilience #Alex Manes #Rosa Ortecho #Michael Guerin #Maria DeLuca #Kyle Valenti #Liz Ortecho #Max Evans #Isobel Evans #Jenna Cameron #CD-RISC #my thoughts

[emetophobiahelp]

American Horror Story: Hotel (season 5)

AHS: Hotel (season 5)

Episode 1: SAFE - Mentions of v*

Episode 2: SAFE - 33 min in a guy eats a sandwich and thinks it’s disgusting, he DOES NOT v*, and I don’t believe he g* but he does spit it out.

Episode 3: SAFE

Episode 4: SAFE 

Episode 5: SAFE - Around 15 in blood comes out of a woman dying. Also some coughing in this episode but no v*.

Episode 6: SAFE - A guy is telling a story about a girl who killed herself, he mentions that one shall not drink the water on the 5th floor. We see a man drinking that water and putting his hand on his stomach - which got me worried but NOTHING happens!

Around 30:30 a guy dies and blood comes out of the mouth, some might find the sounds triggering but I did not!

Episode 7: SAFE - A man puts his hand on his stomach and moans in pain but NOTHING happens!

Episode 8: SAFE

Episode 9: SAFE

Episode 10: SAFE-ISH - A little before 23:00 (maybe 22:58-23:02) a girl coughs and foams at the mouth, before this scene you hear her coughing but nothing happens until around 23 min in. It’s a scene with Alex and the girl + a bunch of other kids. It’s safe 23:03 when a boy says “Maddy! Get back.”

Episode 11: NOT SAFE - 10 min in Sally (Sarah Paulson) is in a room with a guy and a girl, she is sewing them all together, There is no sound but there is visuals - it looks more like foam. It is all gone 11:50, but before that there are other scenes with it dry. What you will miss is Sally getting tortured and ripping out the sewing.

Episode 12: NOT SAFE - Around 3 min in when Sally (Sarah Paulson) is with the two quests in their room and one of them v*. No triggering audio but there is visuals. After the woman gets killed it cuts back to the room with v*, it is now up close. What you will miss, Liz and Iris talk about finding them dead and wanting it to stop since they want the hotel to get more quests and get good reviews. SAFE 04:00 / when the intro starts!

#ahs #american horror story #ahs hotel #american horror story hotel #submission

[sicklovesongff]

Chapter 5

Nikki Sixx

He’s being walking around the hotel, searching for someone to talk. Tried to talk to Mick , but he was locked inside his bedroom, since he started to date that stupid Emi, being with her was the only thing he was doing.

Went to try to find Vince, but of course he wasn’t anywhere near. Maybe inside his or anyone’s bedroom, fucking a groupie or any girl he put his eyes on.

Tommy was his last hope. But, talking to Tommy is never something easy to do. Tommy is like a puppy on cocaine, always super happy, always super electric. He wouldn’t understand. Damm it! Nikki doesn’t understand either.

Tommy. Tommy is his last chance.

But, of course he wasn’t there. The barman said he took a bottle of Jack and split, maybe to the terrace to smoke some dope or something like that.

That little shit….

The moment Nikki finally finished going up a thousand steps from those stupid stairs, he saw it. For a moment he didn’t recognize the person, but a minute later he figured out who it was.

-Hey man! – he said trying to sound less as a jerk.

Jani Lane turned his neck to check Nikki out, a very confused look in his eyes.

-Ah, hey man. – he answered.

Nikki smiled, he knew why Jani Lane was acting like that. He was Nikki fucking Sixx, the worst bad boy of the metal world. He was from the band with the worst reputation on the scene, the infamous Motley Crue and as far as he knew, he was the worst of the four of them.

-Did you see Tommy? – he asked and Jani made a little gesture with his neck, indicating two people talking next to the edge of the building.

-Your twin is there. – Jani said.

-Is there the Bon Jovi girl?

-She’s not the Bon Jovi girl. Her name is Lizzy.

-I didn’t ask and I don’t care. – Nikki said immediately.  – anyways, good night man.

-I thought you wanted to talk to Tommy Lee.

-I did, but he’s clearly having more fun with her, maybe I’ll talk to him tomorrow after she leaves his room.

Jon

When Jon entered his friend's room, Lizzy was still asleep, but what was that? Wasn't she crazy about all this being late thing? Didn't she freak out every time he was late? What the hell...?

-Liz! - He said loudly opening the curtains to let the sun in, while doing so Lizzy turned to the other side grumbling. - Lizzy, stand up!

She sat on the bed with some difficulty, grumbling still with her eyes closed and then Jon noticed, was it a hangover?

-Lizzy, did you drink yesterday?

She made a “a little” gesture with one hand as she struggled to get on her feet.

-After dinner? - a positive nod with the head while getting out of bed.

Lizzy wobbled toward the bathroom and then Jon realized it had been more than a little.

-What did you drink?

-Daniel’s.

-How many shots?

-A bottle.

Fuck.

-Alone? What the fuck Lizzy.

She shook her head.

-At least that, who drank with you?

She dragged herself towards the bathroom.

-No one, I drank mine and he drank his.

-He? - oh no, the only name that flashed in Jon's mind was Sebastian. - who is he?

-Do you really want to talk about it now? She asked, accelerating her step towards the bathroom and then Jon noticed that her friend was going to be sick.

- But shit, Lizzy.

-I'm leaving in a minute. -Was all she said before she slammed the door.

Jon remained in her room, sitting on the bed waiting for his friend to leave the bathroom, the image of Sebastian floating in his mind.

When she left the bathroom, Lizzy was wearing only one towel wrapped around her hair and another around her body.

-Want to tell me who you drank with yesterday?

-Can you leave so I can change? - she said simply. - as far as I know we're already late.

He didn't argue, he simply decided to obey, after all the meeting was more important than the fact that Lizzy had probably spent the night with Sebastian.

When she left the room Jon saw that she was really beautiful, she was wearing a black hat, her hair was in disarray and she also wore a pair of sunglasses, that is, hangover.

-Let's go?

The two went side by side to the hotel auditorium, Jon was surprised to see that when they got there the meeting had not yet started, after all there were still some bands to appear.

When the two finally sat down, Jon turned towards the door to see who was missing, when he saw Sebastian coming in, his long hair was wet, but he didn't seem to have slept through the night and even worse to have drunk an entire bottle of whiskey. . Had his resistance increased?

Jon couldn't look away from the singer as he entered and then, behind him, a scene caught his eye.

Jani Lane, he was walking slowly, wearing sunglasses and a tired face, as he walked into the auditorium, Jon saw him yawning at least four times, but what ...?

He looked at Lizzy, the girl was looking at nowhere, when she realized that Jon was looking at her, she looked away from him and as she did so she saw Sebastian and Jani enter.

Jon focused on her reaction and what he saw made him breathe a sigh of relief, Lizzy didn't move, smile or even frown, she just didn't seem to see anyone and stared at nothing.

Jani simply leaned on the counter and stared straight ahead, if the two of them had spent the night drinking together, they seemed to want to be discreet about that on the next day.

After the meeting and deciding which bands would be the opening ones and which ones would be the main ones, Lizzy got up and went on her way, Jon had to almost run to catch up with her.

-Hey why are you running?

-I'm not running, I'm just hungry.

-Jani? - he said simply. - Did you spend the night drinking with Jani Lane or am I mistaken?

She stared at him, one hand on her hips as she was used to doing when she was angry.

-What?- she said simply removing her sunglasses and staring at him steadily. - I spent the night drinking but wasn’t with Jani, I was with someone else, we talked, we laughed and got drunk, anything else?

What would he answer? He didn't have the right to get involved in her life, did he? No of course not.

-You spent the night doing what?

Okay, now it was starting to get ugly.

Sebastian was behind her, Lizzy turned quickly, tossing her long hair in a carefree way and staring at her ex, Sebastian was looking at her steadily.

-Is it your business? -She asked looking at him.

-You spent the night with Jani Lane, is that it?

-I said it wasn’t with Jani, are you deaf?

-So if it wasn’t with him, who was it with?

-Me. Do you have a problem with it? - the voice did not come out of Jon's mouth or Lizzy's, Tommy Lee approached walking slowly in the direction where the three were, Jon rolled his eyes, that was going to be ugly

-Lee I'm not talking to you. - Sebastian said simply. - I think you better go.

-No I think you better go, Sebastian. - Lizzy said quickly. - if there is someone who needs to turn around and get the fuck out, it is you.

Sebastian didn't seem to believe it while Lizzy spoke.

-You have no space in this conversation and even worse in my life, so please, disappear.

Jon thought he was going to react and he was ready for the fight when he saw something that just took the action out of him and seemed to take Sebastian's out too. Tommy Lee approached Lizzy, turning her back on Sebastian as if he didn't exist and after lowering his sunglasses, he looked at her closely.

- Do you have time for coffee? -He asked simply.

-Of course. - Lizzy said with a smile.

-So let's go?

Jon couldn't hide his smile when he saw Tommy reach out to her and Lizzy intertwine her arm around his as they left laughing out loud, it was a great way to make Sebastian angry. Ok he didn’t like the idea of her out and about with anyone of the Motley Crue guys, but, it was nice to see Sebastian dying inside.

Tommy

He was nervous, he didn't know if he had done the right thing, as he walked beside Lizzy in the direction of the hotel's restaurant, he felt a little strange.

-Look, thanks. - she said when the two sat at a table in a hidden corner. - but, you don't really need to have coffee with me.

- Am I that bad of a company?-Tommy asked and Lizzy smiled, seemed to have reminded what she said in the night before.

-Of course it isn't, I just thought you came with me to get rid of Sebastian.

-He doesn't give up, does he?

-No. - she said simply removing her sunglasses and placing them on the table. - I think by far, Sebastian Bach was the worst mistake of my life.

-I can not understand. - Tommy said without bothering to be thick or nosy. - sorry for the intrusion, but what did you see in it?

She smiled, tossing her hair aside, and in that instant Tommy noticed something, there was something different about that girl, something he couldn't quite identify and that was intriguing him.

-I met him through Bon Jovi, Skid Row was starting, opening Bon Jovi shows and well, he was the Bad Boy everybody said no to, so I said yes ... Yeah, I'm a fucking cliché.

-Then this make two of us. - he said smiling. - the girl that everyone wanted, I entered the dispute and ended up taking it, I shouldn't have done it, in fact I don't even know why I did it, I paid the price later.

-Are you talking about Pamela?

-Yeah.

-How long were you together?

-Almost two years. You and Sebastian?

-Almost that too, it didn't last anymore because I think if it lasted at least another day we would both be in prison cells.

- Was it that bad?

She just nodded.

-Wow.

-Yeah, yeah, wow. But if you don't mind, I don't want to talk about Sebastian and even worse about Pamela Anderson.

-And what do you want to talk about?

-Anything, from you, me, the weather, the bands, the tour, or the bread they just served us.

Tommy laughed out loud feeling a strange lightness as she did, seeing him smile Lizzy smiled in his direction which made him feel even better, Pamela used to scold him when he laughed out loud saying he was dragging too much attention and looking like an idiot.

-Sorry. – he said suddenly feeling embarrassed, Lizzy still stared at him with a smile on her lips. - I exaggerate sometimes.

She didn't move, she still looked at him with a smile.

-What's it? - Tommy asked feeling suddenly bad, he was embarrassed for sure.

-Your smile, there's something about it that just makes me want to smile too. - she said surprising him in every possible way. - you smile with ease, lightness, I've never seen anyone smile like that before.

-I am exaggerated I know.

-No, it's spontaneous, in fact it's charming.

Tommy didn't know what to say, in fact he knew that next to her, he wouldn't know what to say for a long time.

-Do you go out with me tonight? - she asked taking him by surprise, Tommy even choked on the coffee he was drinking.

-Go out with you? - he asked as if he wanted to assimilate the situation.

-Yes, a bar, anything, I'm not in the mood to stay in the hotel today, you know? And then? What do you say?

What would he say? That it was clear. He was dying to make the invitation, since he had seen Lizzy with Sebastian on the first day.

-Of course. – he said simply with a smile. -it will be great.

Of course he didn’t know that THAT night out would be the start of something ugly and really dangerous.

[seeaddywrite]

i’d break my heart with weeping

written as a response to @roswellprompts post, but it veered a bit off track:

Isobel hovers over Michael’s bedside, her face drawn and pale even as she plasters on an obviously-fake smile and smooths his hair back from his feverish forehead. “You’re going to be fine,” she’s saying, in a tone that suggests she’s trying to convince herself as much as Michael. “Max and Liz are on their way back from Denver. They’re already on the plane. And Max can heal you as soon as he gets here. Everything’s going to be fine.”

It takes more effort than Michael wants to admit to keep his eyes open to look at her, and lifting his hand to squeeze hers is practically a herculean task, but he manages. If there’s one thing Michael Guerin hates, it’s seeing Isobel so close to tears -- especially because of him. He’s spent the last decade of his life wrapping her in cotton wool and trying to keep her safe, emotionally and physically, and he hates that after all of that, he’s still making her cry. 

And, realistically speaking, there’s a good chance it’s only going to get worse. Michael doesn’t think much of his chances of survival, at the moment. There’s a golf-ball sized hole in his gut from whatever weapon he’d accidentally triggered while working on the ship; it’s stopped bleeding and started  to heal, but the dark lines of infection spreading upward into his body are hardly reassuring. Max had picked a hell of a weekend to go help Liz go and pack up the rest of her belongings in Denver -- but Michael would never say so out loud, not when he knows damn well that some of the anxiety Isobel can’t contain is bleeding through from her connection to Max. 

“Hey, I’m sitting in this disgusting trailer playing nurse. The least you can do is keep your eyes open while I’m talking to you.” Isobel’s attempt at bravado is thin, and Michael forces his eyes back open immediately and smiles tiredly. 

“Sorry,” he says hoarsely. “I’d say you don’t have to stay, but I know better.” 

“Damn right you know better,” Isobel snaps, though the glare she attempts to shoot him is way too soft to be effective. Her hand is still at his head, her fingers carding through his sweat-matted curls, and Michael lets himself enjoy the affection. It’s never been a loaded thing, with Isobel. She’s always been willing to hug him or hold his hand, and he’s never had to second-guess or overthink why she’s doing it.  The easy, matter-of-course way she bestows her affections is one of the many reasons he loves his sister. 

“Here. Drink some more of this.” An open bottle of acetone is pressed against his lips, and Michael lifts his head to sip from it. Normally, he would have insisted to hold it himself, but as it is, he’s just grateful Isobel’s hand is steady. As he sips gingerly, Isobel is still talking, obviously in need of something to fill the silence. “I cannot believe you’ve been rebuilding a damn spaceship in that bunker, Michael. Without telling me or Max? It’s a miracle something didn’t go wrong a long time ago! And what were you going to do if you finished it, huh? Take off without saying goodbye? Just disappear? Do you know what that would do to Max? He’d never forgive himself! And me? God, Michael! What am I supposed to do without you?” 

This time, Isobel doesn’t manage to hide the way her voice cracks, and she slides from the chair she’s been sitting in to her knees beside the bed, her carefully made-up face pressed against Michael’s chest. He sighs and pats the back of her head clumsily with his good hand, and eventually winds up holding her there, ignoring the pain in his abdomen and the fever that makes him feel hot and cold in turns and fogs his mind. It’s the exhaustion that’s worst, though, constantly pulling at him and whispering how sweet it would be to just succumb to sleep. 

“I was never going to take off without saying goodbye,” he tells her honestly. “I didn’t -- I never really planned on it actually working, you know? It was just a pipe dream. Being able to fly away from all this fucking mess and find a place where I actually belonged.” 

It’s a testament to how crappy he feels that he doesn’t realize how sorry for himself he sounds, and how Isobel would take it. She immediately sits up, eyes wide with dismay, and the red rims make him swallow hard himself. “What do you mean where you actually belonged?” she demands, and her fingernails are digging into the back of his hand now, clutching at him. “You belong here! With me and Max! We’re your family. And don’t you dare give me that bullshit about just hitching a ride together on the same ride, because I will actually lose my mind.”

There’s no self-deprecating smirk, no redirection. Michael doesn’t have the energy. He just nods, once, and squeezes her hand in return. “I know you guys are my family,” he promises. “I just --” 

“Got shuffled from home to home and never felt like it,” Isobel finishes in a small voice, which was definitely not what he was going to say. It’s the truth, though, he supposes - to a point, anyway. 

“You and Max always did what you could,” he argues bluntly. “I never thought you didn’t, Iz. And it doesn’t matter, now.” Because he’s pretty sure he’s dying, and the absolute last thing he wants to do is make Isobel thinks he’s blamed her or Max for his shitty life. Even after Rosa, that was never the case. “You guys were always there when I really needed you. Still are.” He shakes their joined hands to make his point. “And there was -- someone else. They helped, too.” 

This isn’t the right time to tell Isobel about Alex. The right time would have been ten years ago, probably, or maybe the morning she nearly caught them in bed together. But fuck, if Michael’s dying, he doesn’t want to go with secrets on his chest -- and it’d be nice to go remembering how much he loved Alex Manes. 

Isobel smirks, and the expression is so entirely unexpected that Michael finds himself gaping at her. “You realize that Max can’t keep a secret from me to save his life, right?” she asks, using her free hand to dab at her eyes. The action smears eyeliner and mascara around her face, and it’s so not like the perfectly put-together Isobel that Michael’s not quite sure what to make of it. “He never told me who it was, but I know you’ve got a Liz of your own, god help us all.” 

The explanation makes Michael’s heart clench, because he’s not as lucky as Max. Maybe their feelings are comparable, but Max has Liz. She chose him, even after learning all of their dirty secrets, and she’s been choosing him every day since.  Hell, they’re not here right now to fix Michael because they’d wanted a weekend away from all of the Roswell madness for themselves. Maybe the excuse is picking up the rest of Liz’s stuff from her apartment in Denver, but Max has never been able to hide anything from Michael. 

Alex, though, always changes his mind after he chooses. He blows in, gets blown, and blows out, usually in less than twenty-four hours. Michael knows why he keeps doing it, understands that it’s Alex’s own way of trying to protect him because he does love him, but --  

Fuck, maybe thinking about Alex is a bad idea. Michael bites hard on the inside of his cheek, and looks up at Isobel’s expectant expression. Suddenly, giving into sleep sounds much more tempting, and he sighs. “Alex Manes,” he tells her finally, the name heavy with everything he felt for the man who owned it. 

Isobel tilts her head thoughtfully, and goes back to petting his hair back from his face. The dull ache in his abdomen is easy to ignore now; worse pain in his heart had taken over. He’d been wrong about being satisfied about dying just thinking of Alex, and sharing his feelings for him. Doing that had only made him ache for the man’s physical presence, and he knows better than to think that could happen. Alex didn’t want to be here, and Michael didn’t want to guilt him into coming just because he might be dying. That’s too much to ask anyone.

“When Max gets his ass back here and heals you, I want to hear that whole story,” she tells him, tugging on his hair chidingly. “I can’t believe you’ve been jonesing after someone for ten years and never told me! What, have you been hooking up all this time? It’s way past time to formally introduce him to your family, you know!” 

Michael blames the lump in his throat on the injury as he shakes his head. “We’re not together,” he says tightly. “Never really have been. It’s never worked out.” He doesn’t want Isobel blaming Alex for walking away -- or anything else -- so he’s careful with how he explains. “Look, can we talk about something else? Literally anything else?” 

One perfect blonde eyebrow lifts. “Why?”

“Because if we keep fucking talking about Alex, I’m going to do something stupid, like ask you to call him,” Michael bursts out, and immediately regrets it as the effort required to yell makes him double forward, one hand hovering just above the wound in his stomach. A soft hand rubs his back, and when he can straighten up again without crying out, the rest of the bottle of acetone is shoved unceremoniously down his throat. Michael swallows gratefully and relaxes back against the pillow. He’s gone hot again, so he shoves the duvet off, making sure the injury is covered by his t-shirt so Isobel doesn’t start panicking again. It looks awful and he knows it; Iz doesn’t need to.  

After a moment of quiet between them, Isobel presses her lips together. “So,” she starts slowly. “What you’re saying, then, is that you want Alex to be here? Now?” There’s something too innocent in the question, and if Michael wasn’t so out of it, he would’ve noticed the calculating quality in her expression. As it is, he just turns his head toward the window of the trailer. “I always want him with me,” he admits, his voice barely more than a whisper. “But it doesn’t matter what I want. He made his choice.” 

It’s quiet behind him, and that, more than anything else, makes Michael suspicious. One of Isobel’s tells in stressful situations is her inability to stop talking -- usually it’s snarky comments, but sometimes, it’s just a random word-vomit. Silence is distinctly worrying. When he turns back to look at her, there’s a phone in her hands, and her thumbs are fast at work. “What -- Isobel, no.” It’s his phone in her hands, he recognizes too late, and considering the last few moments, he knows exactly who she’s texting. “Fuck you, Isobel! No!” She’s too far away for his hands to reach, so he tries to reach out with his powers. He’s too tired to manage anything more than a breeze that rustles her loose hair, though, and he hears the tell-tale swish of a message being sent. 

Anger and frustration wars with desperate hope in Michael’s head, and he wishes he knew whether he wants Alex to ignore the message or show up. He drops his head back to the pillow and withdraws from Isobel, angry with her for making him have to consider the possibility at all. 

“He says he’s on his way,” she chirps, apparently unbothered by the way he pulls back. She’s tugging her hair back into the fancy chignon that had fallen out of the clip when she helped him pull himself out of the bunker, drawn there by their psychic connection. When that’s done, she pulls a small compact from her purse and starts correcting her make-up, and it’s so familiar and normal that Michael could actually cry. “He seems pretty worried, too. Not like someone who’s choosing not to be with you.” 

Michael’s eyes narrow. “You don’t know the first thing about it, Isobel,” he grits out, and closes his eyes against the light she turns on in the trailer. The sun’s going down already, and Michael can’t help but wonder if he’s going to see it rise again tomorrow. He’s not usually so maudlin; he has all the faith in the world in Max, but the flight from Colorado won’t go faster just because he wills it to. 

“And who’s fault is that?” Isobel returns snappishly, coming back to sit at the edge of his bed. He considers shoving her off, just to see her scheming ass hit the floor, but he doesn’t have the heart, even now. She asked Alex to come because she knows that Michael wants him here -- it’s hard to be mad about that, even if he’s mortified and guilty. “You and Max scared the pants off of Noah when I brought him to meet you for the first time, and I’ve been denied my right to be the scary big sister. You didn’t tell me anything -- but I can feel how much you want him here, Michael. And that he hurt you. But sometimes, we hurt the people we love. Haven’t you figured that out by now?” Her smile is soft, and Michael aches for the knowledge in her eyes. “You love him. And I know you’re scared, and --” She swallows, obviously fighting to maintain her composure. “And I know you’re not sure Max is going to make it in time. So, yeah. I texted Alex. I asked him to come. And I’m not apologizing for that, because I love you too much to sit here and watch you hurt like that.”

Sometimes, Michael lets himself think about what it would be like to have Isobel’s powers. To be able to convince people to do what he wants without worrying about repercussions -- he’s never considered how hard it must be, though, to be so close to what he and Max feel and do nothing about it. Telekinesis, he decides, is definitely the better option. 

He doesn’t know what to say in lieu of Isobel’s words, and he’s saved having to even try to reassure her when headlights hit the side of the trailer, making both of them blink owlishly. Isobel sits up a little straighter and glances outside, a small smile on her face. “It’s him,” she tells Michael, patting his hand as she stood to go open the door. “I’m gonna go call Noah to have him pick Max and Liz up at the airport. They should be touching down soon.” She leans over and brushes a Chanel-scented kiss to Michael’s cheek, and part of him wants to tell her to stay, because he’s afraid of what’s going to happen when he’s alone with Alex. But he keeps the words down, and just nods. “Tell Noah I’d appreciate it if he didn’t follow the speed limit quite so carefully, just this once,” he rasps, and Isobel chuckles. Her husband’s tendency to drive like a grandma is well-known, after all. 

“Like Max is going to let him drive back,” she says with a good-natured roll of her eyes. Michael knows she’s right -- Max won’t have the patience for Noah, tonight. He’ll be wound too tightly, even with Liz holding his hand. He kind of hates that he knows that; he and Max aren’t supposed to be that close, anymore, but there’s no denying that connection. “Just yell if you need me, okay? There’s more acetone under the bed.” She pauses, and shakes her head. “It’s so weird to think that we can say things like that out loud in front of the people we care about now, isn’t it? But, anyway. Make sure you drink some more. And --” 

“Michael?” Alex’s voice is just outside the trailer door, and Isobel sighs at the interruption, looking almost hesitant. She doesn’t want to let him out of her sight, Michael recognizes, and he does his best to look healthy and strong so she won’t worry.  

“Just be careful, okay? If this goes sideways, I’ll happily turn his brain into soup for hurting you.”

A throat clears near the entrance of the trailer, and Michael turns his head slowly to find Alex lingering there, looking distinctly uncomfortable as Izzy’s words permeate. Michael scoffs, swatting as his sister’s hand with a weak flap of his own. “She’s all bark and no bite, Manes,” he promises, the last word bitten off as he coughs into his hand. When his eyes open and refocus on Alex, the other man’s brow is furrowed, and he seems to have forgotten Isobel entirely.

“What’s going on?” he wants to know, and is limping toward the bed before either of the other two people can say anything. “You just said you wanted -- fuck. Guerin, is that blood?” 

Michael looks down at his t-shirt in confusion, and finds that there is, indeed, blood soaking through the grey fabric. “Well shit,” he quips weakly, glancing between Alex and Isobel because he can’t quite decide who to reassure first. “I’m never getting that stain out, am I?” 

Isobel presses her lips together, obviously torn between freaking out and saving face in front of Alex. Her dignity wins out, but only barely, if Michael doesn’t miss his guess. “I’m going to go call Noah,” she repeats firmly, tension obvious in her voice. “And tell him to step on it.” 

She turns and exits the trailer before Michael can say anything, and he doesn’t call after her. Isobel isn’t going to show her real feelings in front of someone she doesn’t know very well, and he can’t blame her for wanting to fall apart in private. He hates that she’s alone, but Noah will probably have a better idea of what to say than Michael would, anyway. 

“What happened?” Alex is crowding around the bed in the next moment, taking Isobel’s place. He tugs the hem of Michael’s t-shirt up, over the wound, and sucks in a harsh breath at the sight of it -- Michael doesn’t look down. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t want to know. “Guerin, we need to get you to a hospital,” Alex insists, his voice as steady as it always is, but Michael can hear the thread of panic running through the words. It’s probably his combat voice, that calm-under-pressure vibe that turns Michael on as often as it pisses him off. It warms him now, a little, because he knows that Alex is worried about him. How fucking petty is that? 

“You know why we can’t do that,” Michael says patiently, shoving his shirt back down with as much strength as he can muster. “Even if Valenti is working, and even if this was from a normal, human weapon, nurses would want to take blood to monitor the infection, and I’d rather be dead than turned into a fucking science experiment.” 

It’s a poor choice of words. Alex’s eyes go wide, and suddenly, his pallor is as bad as Michael’s. “Dead?” he chokes out, and Michael hastens to shake his head, regretting it immediately when the headache he’s been ignoring makes itself known. 

“No, no. Not dying.” It could be a lie, but Michael doesn’t particularly care. It’s worth it, if it makes Alex stop looking at him like that. “Max is on his way back from Denver. He’ll heal me. I’m gonna be fine.” The words tumble out of him in a rush, and he doesn’t know if Alex can tell he’s only trying to make him feel better or if he just doesn’t believe it, but he doesn’t look reassured. “Sit down, man,” he orders, pointing at the chair Isobel had recently occupied. “Or you can go, if you want. I don’t know what Izzy said to get you here, but -” 

Alex blinks at him as he sits, lips pursed. “What do you mean, what she said to get me here?” he asks in a deceptively mild tone. “She said you needed me, Guerin, so I’m here. Just like I would’ve been if you’d sent that message yourself.” He sounds offended, like Michael hurt his feelings somehow, but that doesn’t make sense. Alex doesn’t want to be with Michael. He’d left. The implication seems pretty damn clear. 

Michael swallows, and pushes himself up into a half-seated position. He’s dizzy for a second, but the sensation passes, thankfully, as long as he doesn’t try to get completely vertical. “I don’t understand,” he admits, sounding just as lost as he feels. “I always need you.” If he wasn’t worn down and half certain he was going to die, Michael doubts he would’ve admitted such a thing so frankly. He’s never been good at being open with Alex, just as Alex has always sucked at talking to him. But he doesn’t want to die with this between them -- he wants it all out there in the open, just in case. “You always leave anyway.” 

For a minute, it’s like he’s been granted Isobel’s powers to see into the human mind when he looks at Alex. The calm, blank mask is long gone and the man looks gutted, like Michael’d just punched him in the face instead of speaking, and he knows he’s been unfair. He didn’t mean to be that blunt -- the fever is messing with his head, and he’s scared and feeling adrift, and apparently, he’s just taken it out on Alex without even meaning to. 

“Michael --” Alex licks his lips, and Michael watches as his Adam’s apple bobs. “God, I’m sorry,” he manages finally, his hand finding and wrapping around Michael’s mangled one. “I’m in love with you. I left because I didn’t want to tell you just to see you finish that spaceship and fly away -- not because I wanted to hurt you. And as soon as you can sit up straight, I’m going to prove that to you. But for now, please, for the love of God, let me take you to Valenti. I’ll make him bring medical supplies to the bunker or something, but --”

“Valenti’d be pretty useless without Liz,” Michael tells him quietly, and tugs on Alex’s hand, wordlessly trying to get him closer. Maybe it’s selfish, but for now, he’s willing to take what the other man said at face value if it means he can convince him to hold Michael for a while. He feels light-headed and floaty, and desperately wants to have Alex as a physical anchor. “She’s the biologist, and whatever this thing was --”

“What was it?” Alex interrupts, transferring himself from the chair to the bed and pressing his side against Michael’s gently. He inhales, and lets his head drop to rest against Alex’s shoulder. It’s the closest they’ve been since that awful night in the Pony, when Michael’d grabbed him to try to stop him from leaving, and it feels so good that his eyes sting. This. This is what he wants. Forever. And if he makes it through this injury, he’s damn well going to do everything in his power to make sure he keeps it. 

Right. Answer the question. “Not exactly sure,” he admits. “Something... went off, while I was working on the console. Kind’ve like a gun, but it looked more like a laser? And, well. You saw the hole it left. I guess it makes sense that people like me would have weapons that could actually hurt us, right?” 

Alex is staring at him in horror. “You mean this happened after I left today?”

Michael didn’t have to have all of his mental faculties in working order to see where that was going. He shook his head against Alex’s shoulder, prodding him in the side to get his attention. “It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d stayed,” he says, as loudly as he can make his voice work. “I would’ve still been tinkering down there, and I would’ve still gotten hit. Don’t go there, Alex. This isn’t your fault.” 

He coughs into his hand again, artfully hiding the sheen of blood that coats his palm when he pulls his h and away. Judging by Alex’s expression, he isn’t fooled. “Look. Max brought Liz back from basically dead, okay? She was shot in the chest. That’s a way more serious injury than this. I’m gonna be fine.” His head is swimming, now, and he’s leaning more heavily on Alex than he would like. If he’s not careful, they’re both going to fall off the side of the narrow bed - but he can’t bring himself to move. He tips his head up anyway, and nuzzles a kiss against the underside of Alex’s jaw, trying to ease some of the tension he can feel in the other man’s body. 

It works, to an extent. Alex sighs and his shoulders droop, and one arm wraps carefully around Michael’s aching body to cradle him close. Michael’s eyes close at the tenderness, and his breath comes a little faster as he tries to tamp down on the contentment brings just that one little gesture brings. If he’s got to die, Michael’s pretty sure there are way worse ways to go. 

He must fall asleep that way, because what seems like a moment later, he’s listening to Alex say something about calling Valenti to Isobel, the insinuation that he’s going to do it with or without her permission clear. Isobel’s response is biting, and Michael tries to open his eyes to figure out what’s going on, but his lids are way too heavy. The pain is gone, mostly, replaced with a heaviness that keeps him paralyzed against the mattress. The argument escalates, and Alex is all but yelling, now. “He’s unconscious, Isobel! Look at him! We have to do something now! Max can meet us at Valentis if --” 

“That won’t be necessary.” Michael could have wept with relief at the sound of his brother’s steady voice, if he were able to move. Isobel exhales with a ragged sob, and Michael can feel Max’s weight beside him on the mattress. Alex draws away, and he wants to protest -- but then there’s a big, warm hand against his chest and energy pulses through him, white-hot and overwhelming. His body convulses against his will, arching upward toward Max, but as always, his brother holds him steady. 

And then, after a moment, Michael can move again. He feels refreshed, as if he’s just woken up after a good night’s sleep, and his eyelids flicker open. “Christ, Max. Cutting it a little close, weren’t ya?” he drawls, sitting up and grabbing the other man by his shoulders as he sways. 

“Shut up,” comes the predictable response. “And if you ever do something like this again, I’m going to kill you myself. I almost crashed the damn plane twice on the way back from Denver.” The words are lacking any snap, and before Michael can come up with a suitable response, Max is hugging him, hard and tight. He sighs dramatically, pats his brother on the back, and pulls away, smiling crookedly. 

“I’m good, man,” he promises. “Thanks to you. Look, not even a scar.” He tugs up the hem of his shirt to reveal his unmarked skin, showing it off to everyone in the trailer -- which, apparently includes Liz and Noah, who are hovering anxiously near the entrance. 

Max studies the site of the wound for a moment, but nods, his entire body slumping with relief. Isobel steps up to his side with a bottle of acetone, which is graciously accepted -- and while Max recovers, Michael’s eyes find Alex again. He’s been shuffled off to the side of the trailer, still within arm’s reach, like he’s unwilling to go any further from Michael’s side. There’s a look of stunned amazement in his eyes -- and that, Michael understands. Watching Max use his powers always feels a bit like witnessing a fucking miracle to him, too. 

“Hey, Liz,” Michael calls, over his siblings’ heads. “Get him outta here, will ya? He needs to sleep for like two days before he can go anywhere.”

Max opens his mouth to protest, but Liz is already nodding, slipping through the crowded aisle of the trailer to grab his hand and pull him to his feet. He gives her the same sappy look he always does when she touches him, and Michael grins smugly at the two of them. “Seriously, Michael. Don’t you dare go near that thing again without someone here with you,” Max says, getting to his feet and slinging an arm around Liz’s shoulders to keep himself steady. “What if I can’t get here fast enough, next time? We’re not going to lose you, Michael.” 

He wants to resent the order, but Alex is sliding back onto the mattress next to him, his expression suggesting that he very much agrees with with Max is saying, and Isobel has her hands on her hips, obviously ready to tear him down if he tries to argue. “Yeah,” he surrenders with a groan. “Okay.” 

His gaze meets Max’s, and he nods, once. Max gives him a small smile, and he and Liz disappear back out into the night. Noah and Isobel are next to leave, after Isobel wraps him in a long hug. It’s a little weird, because Alex doesn’t move while she’s leaning over him, but he lets her hold on for a long moment before gently pushing her back into Noah’s waiting arms. Before she leaves, though, her blue eyes narrow on Alex’s face. “You’re staying?” she asks, the question loaded with implications. 

Alex isn’t intimidated. “I’m here until he tells me to leave,” he answers, and Michael’s look is incredulous. When has that ever happened? It’s damn well not going to start now. “And don’t worry. I’m not planning on doing anything that might lead to you turning my brains to soup.” There’s a tiny, amused flicker at the corner of his lips, and Michael has to stifle a grin. 

Isobel purses her lips, but eventually gives in and cracks a smile. “See that you don’t,” she says, tossing her hair imperiously. “Both of you are coming to dinner tomorrow night, by the way. I can check Michael’s in one piece, and you and I -” she looks pointedly at Alex. “Are going to get to know each other better.” There’s a ‘or else’ implicated in the words, but Michael and Alex just agree. To be honest, Michael thinks he’s going to want to stick close to his family for a while, after this. The near-death experience has shaken him, and Max and Isobel and Alex are the only people who have ever managed to make him feel safe. 

When they’re finally alone, Michael pulls Alex into him and kisses him chastely, cocking his head to one side as he tries to get a read on the other man’s mood. He’s been awfully quiet, and that’s not really like him -- but then again, it’s been a hell of a day. “You okay?” 

Alex snorts in disbelief. “You’re asking me that? You’re the one who just basically got brought back to life!” 

“Yeah, but you’re the one who had to watch,” Michael responds softly. “I’d rather be the one dying than have to watch you do it.” The idea of it makes him feel sick all over again, and he banishes the thought immediately. 

“As long as you’re okay, I’m fine,” Alex promises, but the way he lets Michael hold him without any complaint or attempt to take control of the embrace says otherwise. But there’s no reason to call him out on it -- as long as he lets Michael take care of him for a little while, he’s content to let it go until Alex can believe that he really is fine. 

They’re quiet for a while, then, content to just hold onto one another while the stress and adrenaline of the day leaves them. Michael can’t remember the last time he’s felt this content, which is a strange reaction to a near-death experience, but he doesn’t care. Right now, he’s far happier to focus on Alex than what had nearly happened. 

“I meant what I said, you know,” Alex starts eventually, his hands tightening on Michael’s shoulders. “I’m in love with you. And I’m not going anywhere. As long as you want me here, I’ll be here. No more running.” The determination in his voice means a lot to Michael, and his eyes close in relief he didn’t realize he needed. 

“Good.” The ghost of a smile forms on his lips. “Because I’m not sure even I could protect you from Isobel if you took off now. . .” He laughs in earnest, and presses his lips to Alex’s, his hands framing his face. “And in case all of this wasn’t enough, and you need to hear the words -- I love you, too.” 

Apparently, Alex needed to hear the words despite everything they’d talked about. A genuine smile lit his entire face, and an answering expression morphed Michael’s expression. Michael would say those three words over and over if it made Alex look at him like that -- hell, he’d sing them, set them to song, if it made Alex happy. They sit there for a long second, grinning like fools at each other, just happy to be alive and together -- and if earth can give him this, Michael decides, why the hell would he ever want to leave?     

#roswellnm #malex #ensemble fic #this got ridiculously long #& i'm not entirely happy with it #so i'm throwing it out into the universe #my fic