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nereidprinc3ss · 2 months

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okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and she’s like “noooo pls don’t be mad i hate when you’re mad at me I’m sorry🥺” bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but he’s like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesn’t like blow up on her until she finally says like “pls talk to me” and he’s all pissed and like “hell na bitch u crazy!🗣️‼️” but then later he’s like “it’s ok i love u but neva do that shit again ho” then they make up and it’s good again 🎀 ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job 🤔 sigh … idk I’m leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em

hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it

warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......

a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye

“I cannot believe you right now. I don’t even—I don’t even know what to say.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and I’m not looking for your approval.”

He looks up from where he’d been rubbing his temples, like you’re a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief.

“Oh! You’re not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just said I don’t care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.”

“You distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I don’t understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.”

The words bite more than you were prepared for—but what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past you’d both said things you didn’t mean, and then would immediately melt into I’m so sorry’s and the fight would resolve itself. Spencer’s clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication.

You take a step closer to where he’s bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest.

“Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.”

Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if you’re imagining it. Panic wells in your chest.

“Please talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. I’m sorry, okay? Just... please say something.”

Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but there’s not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything that’s wrong with you.

“Believe me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.”

And then he’s leaving the kitchen—nothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there.

The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know he’s doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply it’s nearly disabling; but that doesn’t make it hurt much less. It doesn’t make you feel less abandoned or alone.

You’re sad, and you’re still pissed, and maybe you’re in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is right—unless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault?

It’s a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isn’t supposed to ever be aimed at you. It’s not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesn’t belong in this apartment. It’s not something he needs to use against you. He’s supposed to be on your side. But instead, he’d said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now you’re doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday.

---------------------------------------------------

The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer.

He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you don’t acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence.

“Can we talk?”

You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph.

“I don’t know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?”

“That is... well deserved,” he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. There’s a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. “Are you doing homework right now? I’m a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"

“What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. “The only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!”

The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth.

Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his arms—and you just let him. There’s not much fight left in you. There wasn’t a lot to begin with.

“I am so sorry, angel. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have said what I said, I shouldn’t have walked away. I overreacted.”

“Yeah, you really did,” you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. “Why did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?”

His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins.

“I was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knew—I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t. But I think I was just scared. Which—I know, doesn’t really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced I’d never get clean that I didn’t even want to anymore, and—and the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.”

“But I’m not like you or Ethan. You don’t have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. That’s a road you don’t have to worry about me going down, ever.”

He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt.

“Yeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday he’d be shooting up in the bathroom at work?”

“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencer’s shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. It’s still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didn’t know him then, but you’ve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and it’s... it’s just too much. Too sad.

“Okay,” he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. “I digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while it’s not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.”

You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devil’s advocate; in this case, you.

“But that doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.”

You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake.

After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered.

“Are you still mad at me?”

He’s quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm.

“I’m not thrilled. But you were right earlier. It’s not my place to be mad at you for something like that.”

“Mm... it’s a little bit your place. You’re an actual professor.”

He chuckles.

“At an entirely different university.”

“Thank god,” you laugh. “You and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.”

While it’s almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident.

“Yeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.”

“Okay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?”

Spencer sighs.

“It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. It’s my tentative, professional opinion that you’ll probably be fine.”

You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didn’t realize was there to shed like an old skin.

“I’m not gonna cheat again,” you promise on an exhale. It’s simply too much risk for too little reward.

Spencer’s response is quiet, and comes much faster than you’d expected.

“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because if you do, you’re going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And I’m not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.”

But something about the way he says it—a thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your forehead—doesn’t exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you

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kafus · 4 months

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ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

#sa tw #mind control tw #csa tw #oa tw #abuse tw #this post is a bit of a mess sorry!#this is why im sort of “drafting” my summary as a stream of consciousness infodump #i need to tackle having the confidence talking about this first #just get it out no matter how messy #and THEN i can clean it up and present it in an artistically pleasing way #kiki was here #kiki.txt #vee & nova

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bunnybearsworld · 1 year

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a ranking and analysis of “epic: the musical” songs so far, from someone who knows a lot about theater and not a lot about mythology

RANDOM DISCLAIMER: to reiterate from the title, i know a lot about music and theater, but NOT a lot about greek mythology. i'm trying to slowly read the odyssey as sagas release so that i'm never too far ahead but i can still have a sense of where things are going. aside from that, i have very basic foundational knowledge from vague exposure to pjo (but i never got into pjo myself LOL)

(also no one better spoil the odyssey for me in the tags or the comments i swear to god this is supposed to be about the SONGS)

putting it under the cut so people can scroll past if they want; this is long as fuck and i'm not gonna pretend it isn't.

9. the horse and the infant

i almost placed this one higher SOLELY BECAUSE OF "PENELOPE… PENELOPE, AND TELEMACHUS". (side note: low placement absolutely does not mean bad. i love every song in epic. like, excessively.) i'm probably going to talk about odysseus's voice A LOT. i love it. the reason i got into this in the first place is because back when early auditions were happening, one of the demos came up on my fyp and i was baffled by the vocals. from a plot standpoint i really like what this song does lyrically and what it shows of odysseus in particular but also how the gods interact with the mortals. zeus is immediately talking down/condescending to odysseus (which is fair because. it's fucking zeus, and also a detail that was pointed out to me by my friend), who reacts saying he "knows" he's ready for, essentially, whatever zeus throws at him… until he finds out zeus is making him kill a baby. the first two songs in the musical (this and "just a man") both reveal so much about odysseus, which is of course good because that's who we're supposed to sympathize with.

anyway. love this song. fuckin bangs.

8. just a man

normally with these early character-establishing solos i like them a little at first and then always skip them after that first listen. that's just a Thing for me. like, i know who you are now, i don't need to hear it again. but not this song. this was the first song that really told me i was gonna obsess over this musical for a long time and that it was going to ruin my life. my ONLY criticism, and it's not even a big one because it doesn't truly bother me/disrupt my listening experience at all, is that it's hard to hear any distinct emotion from odysseus for most of it. BUT I CAN'T EVEN BE MAD BECAUSE HIS VOICE IS SO STUPIDLY GORGEOUS. maybe that's hyperbole but i feel like you can't blame me for that. again as far as plot hearing odysseus's internal struggle about killing the baby is very foundational for our understanding of the character. also, the dual meaning of the lyric "when does a man become a monster" which as others have pointed out refers (most likely) both to odysseus wondering if fulfilling his end of the prophecy will make him a monster and also wondering when, if this baby grows up, it will cause whatever destruction zeus foretold… i have a lot of feelings. i like this song a lot. a LOT.

SECOND RANDOM DISCLAIMER: at some point, you will probably start to think i sound pretentious. i like my own funny words and think i am a magic man. you are allowed to not like my funny words.

7. open arms

i would like to briefly touch on how much i love steven dookie's voice before we proceed. ok thanks. ANYWAY, this to me is our first real shift away from the musical theater genre-sound, something that i love about modern theater and particularly composition. the vocal style is less theater-inspired to me, too--until the lotus eaters show up--which really speaks to the message of the song in my opinion. the laid back sound after the sort of chaos and pain of the past few songs is refreshing to me. as far as characterization it solidifies what i feel we already knew about polites just from that little bit of him we heard in full speed ahead, but shows the more caring side to his positivity (the "you can relax, my friend" refrain and variations). i also love what it shows about the dynamic between odysseus and polites, establishing further that polites isn't just a soldier but a friend. this is one of the songs that i don't have a lot to say about, truthfully, but mostly because every time i listen to it i'm just enjoying the sound LOL

6. full speed ahead

SIX HUNDRED MEN. SIX HUNDRED MEN UNDER MY COMMAND…. this is where we really meet some new characters, and their introductions--true to form for the show--show a lot about them, both right away when they show up and all the way through the end of the song too. eurylochus, the battle-minded second-in-command to odysseus, and polites, the kind-hearted best friend to odysseus, both make their positions very clear not only in their verses but i feel also in just the way that they greet odysseus/each say "captain" (but that could also just be the different qualities of their voices). re: vocals, more vocal excellence from odysseus (have i mentioned "and ithaca's waiting etc" yet?), and polites sounds so fucking good constantly, and eurylochus has such a consistent tone through his whole verse. re: polites, a lot of the other voices in this musical are kind of standard fare (respectfully! i love theater voices genuinely) for what you imagine theater actors to sound like, but polites (played by steven dookie) has such a unique tone for this medium and i love it so so much. the soldier ensemble is insane too. from a compositional standpoint i LOVE the call and response, particularly on "so, captain, what's the plan? (captain, what's the plan?)" + that section where the soldiers echo odysseus that comes right after that. i didn't think this would beat just a man when i started this, but i was very wrong. very very wrong.

5. polyphemus

i don't want to talk about plot OR musicality, first. i want to talk about sound design. the choice of the particular sound effects that were used with the reverb and the overlapping noises from the sheep paint a very clear picture indeed of polyphemus's cave. (something that definitely did not hurt to accomplish this end was the teaser video where odysseus, eurylochus, and polites were in the dark holding candles (? i think, some kind of small light sources at least).) audio panning was also present in the intro for this track, i would say up until polyphemus starts to sing it's pretty prevalent, and audio panning is my favorite thing you can do to establish spatial understanding in non-visual media. okay, moving on. in this song, odysseus directly parrots polyphemus's words and melody, and this is a theme that continues in the other songs the two are both in. this also, to me, shows that one of the layers of his plan is to make himself seem more agreeable to polyphemus (which in itself as a fact i think is rather clear in terms of plot, but i think the specific methodology from a compositional standpoint is fun). AND JUST TO SAY: the moment at the beginning where this suddenly becomes a horror musical made my heart drop through my ass in the best possible way. i had to stand up for the rest of the saga because sitting down limited my range of motion too much and i had to go insane. in terms of characterization, we know that odysseus is smart and resourceful mostly from what we hear about him from others, but i feel like this song is the first one where we see that firsthand. i love this song.

4. warrior of the mind

the first song i had to just sit with and loop for a while (i did the same with just a man, but several days later upon relisten). athena's vocals never fail to astound me, teagan earley's tone is so clear and strong, and this is kind of specific but i like the choices she made on vowel placement, particularly on that last "mind" in the first chorus. also, i'm not even going to beat around the bush: i'm a trumpet player, i've been playing trumpet for theater and in other contexts for almost a decade now, and when i heard that low trumpet line underscoring the first establishment of the melody in the chorus, i KNEW an octave kick was coming and i was THRILLED when it delivered so perfectly. i don't know if it's synth trumpet or a live musician, i assume synth just for ease of production, but either way, i'm obsessed with it. absolutely a fantastic composition choice when it comes to ramping up the energy of the second half of that chorus. again in regards to composition: obsessed with odysseus's harmonic line in the second chorus. it took me a while to pick the notes out because i go a little harmony-blind sometimes when i'm too busy ooh-ing and ahh-ing but once i got that line in my head i was all about it.

(did not think this section would be so wordy, but) what this song shows about athena in my eyes is her fondness for odysseus--which sounds obvious until you remember how zeus interacted with him vs how athena does. athena gets close to talking down to odysseus sometimes, yes, but in more of a human, sarcastic way ("you'll see where it ends"). one could argue that the entire intro is her condescending to him in some way, certainly, but when she almost immediately also establishes that she sees the merit in his skills and his mind and has for some time now, it takes away the sort of preachy sound that was there when zeus was doing it. again in the characterization vein it shows odysseus's spirit, the more childish side of him (of course, because he was younger for much of this song) that we don't get to see in the songs that are set in the "present" period. in warrior of the mind, we see odysseus, the boy. in all the other songs, we see odysseus, the king.

anyway. i adore this song. if that wasn't, like. clear.

3. survive

THE ECHO OF THE HORSE AND THE INFANT. MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR. people other than me have said that this could be a way of showing that the fight with polyphemus is the will of the gods and i can see the merit in that standpoint but i also think that this is, in this telling at least (which is a distinction i make because i started the odyssey literally today and read maybe 10 pages before i had to go to class so i don't concretely know the details), showing that this is the first real conflict odysseus and the soldiers have been in since the seige of troy. also interesting to note: this song, if i'm not mistaken, is actually in compound meter at least in certain parts (before u fight me on this take a second to count it both ways, i'm not even entirely sure because of how i've been feeling the pulse). also, this reestablishes what i said earlier about polyphemus and odysseus parroting each other, but in this case i think it's polyphemus trying to do as much damage to odysseus and the soldiers as possible, certainly more like mocking them than trying to communicate on their level. (but also, melodic repeats are kind of just how music works, lol. remember when i said u might start to think im pretentious?)

now, maybe this is my sympathetic lens for odysseus showing, i fully admit that bias and own up to any way it may skew my judgement, but in that first chorus, i feel like odysseus isn't just trying to rally his men but to find the will in himself to fight as well. after the long war in troy and being confronted with polites's ideology, i would certainly be weary and sick of fighting. something about "it's just one life to take / and when we kill him then our journey's over" sounds so self-consoling to me. idk! maybe just me!

i'm, uh. not gonna talk much about the plot at the end, there. for obvious reasons, as someone who foolishly got attached to polites. we're gonna gloss over that. (fellow polites likers, how we feelin, though? we all coping?)

2. remember them

if you'll recall from many many paragraphs ago, i mentioned that in "just a man", i felt like there wasn't much emotion in odysseus's voice. this? the intro of this? this, to me, kind of makes up for that. and i mean the VERY beginning, the anger/intensity in that first verse. something that i noticed, that the fellow polites likers will be upset with me for pointing out, is that starting on "mark my words now" and through eurylochus asking "but captain, what'll we do with our fallen friends?", the guitar in the back is playing the melody of "we're up, we're off, and away we go" from "full speed ahead", the first song we hear from polites in. (sorry guys, if i was burdened with this knowledge you will be, too.)

this song and "polyphemus" both do a really good job of establishing horror-style tension. eurylochus's "there are more of them?" and what i would call horror sirens on the strings in the beginning of polyphemus are what i mean, here. it gives that nice stomach-swoopy feeling that recreational horror is so fond of. the ramping tension when eurylochus is pleading with odysseus to order them to run is fantastic too.

re: odysseus vocals. "my friend is dead! our foe is blind! the blood we shed, it never dries! is this what it means to be a warrior of the mind?!" will never NOT make me insane. it makes me want to scream, genuinely. and via the lyrics and instrumental sound we understand the ruthlessness of odysseus's vengeful side as well. again, possibly my sympathetic lens, but "let's grab the sheep and away we go" and during the argument up to that aforementioned point, odysseus just sounds tired to me.

also, i'm sure we all collectively shat our pants when we heard athena. i don't have much to comment on the matter further than that, but know that i was losing my fucking mind as soon as i heard her voice.

last thing: odysseus's choice of words when revealing his name is interesting to me. the "infamous" odysseus? infamy has a very negative connotation and maybe that's just him acknowledging that to polyphemus he'll always be painted in a negative light due to his actions in the cave, but it's an interesting choice in verbiage to me.

1. my goodbye

you were a fool if you thought this was ever gonna get anything other than first place of all the songs that are out so far. hearing athena and odysseus tear each other to pieces was so satisfying on the second listen with the new understanding that the partnership was sort of exhausting on both ends. i confess that my first thought right after i finished this song the first time was "HOLY FUCKING SHIT" but my SECOND one was "bro really wrote a breakup song and thought we wouldn't notice (but said with a positive connotation)". as far as i understand it, and i've asked questions about this so i'm fairly certain, there was nothing romantic in nature about the relationship between athena and odysseus (which i see as a good thing), and the song sounding like a breakup song is more a fun creative choice. and i DO think it's fun, in that case! so with that interpretation in mind, when i go back to the lyrics now, i think about how odysseus's original idea that he and athena would be friends was shot down and in this song i start to feel that maybe despite athena's best efforts they DID consider each other as friends. and of course i think that's intentional--that's why "you're not looking for a mentor, i'm not looking for a friend" cuts so deep.

there's also something in the way the two characters argue with each other that i find so compelling. i feel like athena is really trying to be right, or maybe not that she's trying to be right per se but that she's trying to make odysseus understand why he's wrong. odysseus, on the other hand, seems to be trying to hurt athena as much as possible, in as few words as possible. athena's argument has one core idea, and it's that odysseus is reckless/unfit to be her disciple because he's too emotional. odysseus, on the other hand, brings up several points, like 5 or 6 different little gripes about athena that he's probably been holding onto for who-knows-how-long. it just shows how the focus is entirely different on both parts and i like it a lot LOL

vocals absolutely deliver of course, that goes without saying. and i made that point earlier about how i felt odysseus didn't show much emotion in voice, and maybe this is just me being the #1 jorge rivera-herrans defender or something but i feel like a sort of detached-ness was intentional this time. like odysseus saying, "you can't fire me, because i quit." that's not entirely me being biased, i think the language reflects it too: "this way, you'll close the door and have your damn goodbye." that sounds dismissive to me, and the way that he previously frames athena leaving as something that would be good for him ("this way, you won't plague my life").

anyway….. less of a ranking and more of a song analysis where the songs just so happen to also be ranked. this was originally gonna be on my priv twitter, but the character limit was driving me up the wall, so. here.

#epic the musical #epic the troy saga #epic the cyclops saga #momo this one's for u. HEARTS4MOMO

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borathae · 6 days

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Chapter 4

ooh looks like he is a gentleman

You can see it in the way he looks at his knees ever so often. dont tell me he slept

HE DID AHAHAH PLS this is peak comedy for me, idk i had this image of "ooh mysterious ancient being, must find sleep, and other stuff as something for the weak", basically a grandpa on him. (i see yoongi like that from reading the drabbles, but now that im reading it, tae felt like that in 1st chapter lol)

Of course not, I was merely resting my eyes” ofc i believe you, u were having a meditating/communicating with your ancestors moment

As if he doesn’t even notice his hand touching you the way it does. STOP I LITERALLY DIE EVERYTIME THIS HAPPENS WHEN IM READING LIKE AAAAAH *bites, slaps, giggles, fans myself, pretends to be dead soo much ah

Your chest heaves up and down in a heavy breath, your legs parting slightly. sis is gone already. mood

Come go with me. I SAID I HAVE NO TIME HEE HEE

Taehyung placed his hand on your thigh instead. OH NO HE IS GETTING DANGEROUS

Your nails dig into the edge of the seat, her: (literally made it, if only i had this devotion in my studies 😭)

Taehyung’s delight as another smirk washes over his face. He stops moving, the only sensation he allows you to feel is his big, warm hand against your inner thigh SDTOP I CANT HANDLE HIS ASS I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE THE FAKE GUM CHEWING AAAH

Tapping on your inner thigh rhythmical AAAAH WE MUST STAY FOCUSED BROTHER

Stay, fellow, I can read. I DOUBT I CAN IM LOSING MY SANITU

“Are you alright?” he rasps DO U THINK IM OK?????

My master’s. THAT FAST?? really said wanna see some speed?

You whine at the loss of touch, pulling at his necktie. PULLING NECKTIE WWWOOOO IM SQUIRTING

The door, which normally always squeaks, opens silently when Taehyung opens it mythical being or has strict parents pt 3 (pt 2 during the date)

I want to devour you.” yn my love, what if he actually does 😭(missed the vore tag on ao3 once and i have ptsd from that)

You’ll probably call me crazy but I named all of my houseplants after famous painters TAE MOVE UR ASS, SHE'S MINE WE ARE MARRIED BYE

Just mere seconds ago it felt like he wanted to devour you whole and now here he is, as patient as ever. i take that back, we can be a throuple

I didn’t even hear you come outside mythical being or has strict parents pt 4

It’s one of those weirdly dishonest smiles again. maybe he is in lactose intolerant and is worried destroying ur toilet with the volcanic diarrhea

It makes you look so perfectly alive." THATS EXACTLY WHAT A VAMPIRE WOULD SAY. i would have said that tho lol

I guess you are right. What a silly thing for me to say." OFC ITS VERY SILLY CUZ U IS MR.DRACULA

“Actually this is just a myth some misogynistic doctors made up in the sixteenth century to shame women for having sex”, SLAY now marry me

“so enjoy it ___ for as long and as passionate as you can.” THATS WHAT A GRANDPA WOULD SAY or A VAMPIRE

I am glad that you aren’t pretending with me hold ur horses he didnt say he is 95% honest, also the 5% could be more shocking than the 95%

swirling the tea in his cup with a flick of his wrist. LOOK AT DA FLICKA DA WRIST

My dream is to own a really big greenhouse. THE GARDEN IN THE DRABBLE

“you’re not having a heart attack, are you?” damn grandpa is dying (im sorry i had to)

OH SHIT WHATS GOING ON?? did she put some anti-mythical being stuff in the tea?

0-100 real quick

she is so cute im feeling it soo well, you wrote those parts well. it made me feel like im intruding them

Throw it on the floor *starts throwing it back Tae: i meant the tie me: oh sorry, silly me

that wasnt me, that was the demons bye

He has a really nice spine, my bestie to me - your spine is ... um how do i put it to words, spines very well. i will definitely count them for anatomy 💀💀LIKE STOP AT LEAST ITS BETTER COMPARED TO 4TH GRADE

thankfully Taehyung can’t read minds because this was one silly thought. you sure about that? u sure about that??👀👀

OH MY GOD HE IS IRRESISTIBLE LIKE STOP JUST AAAAH

Dearmotherofchrist what the hell? Okay, goodbye cruel world this is how you will die. PLS 😭😭

This is madness. Heaven. ME AT YOU POOKIE

besides, we have many more occasions to practice your stamina SUCH A TEASE AAH

im sick and feeling cold. guess who isnt cold anymore cuz they are reading a smexy, gobsmacking as usual smut by THE MOMMY, SIBI?? ME YALL. a hoe(mentally) doesnt get cold, until they get runny nose.

don’t rip it because this cost like forty bucks” WE LOVE REALISTIC SMUT HERE

He scissors them, fucking in and out of you slowly. His teeth craze over your nipple before he bites down. poeple died sir I DIED

During class, on the bus, whilst talking to people. same here girly pop, relatable after reading smut

watching you be like this drives me crazy I AM CRAZY

me: i hope i dont fall him: he praises me: ana oop

It is a stupid name, but it has never been more accurate than tonight. no it aint stupid when true af

"Hold me"..“That’s it, draw me in deeper. Keep me there” bye i will be jumping off the cliff(my bed's name)

seven matches this soo well, cuz its sexy but very romantic

that was too hot until u think (wait this is bts songs in a nutshell)

oh boi tae is just trying feel humanity, life, and the whole "live in the moment", "yolo" by asking to hold closer and feel what she is feeling

horny - sad real quick. (bts albums and playlists be like)

Sex is merely a wonderful byproduct from being with you. You have truly bewitched me, body and soul” this is too good holy fuck

reminds me of blood sweat and tears lines and the whole mood is hold me tight

they are soo cute, being all warm and cozy with each other.

shitting tears as we speak bye,

the emotions were emotioning, smut smuting (do i even have to say about this anymore lol) i love how your smut isnt just focused on sexy parts, emotionally, yes very much connected and love it and also shows other parts, like its soo easy to have the entire view from pillow to toes, with lil frames with focused parts.

now that we still havent seen 2seokkook, its making more nervous like

EXCUSE ME??GOOGLE JUST VIOLATED ME 💀

this is actually so funny HAHHAHAH he is always acting like such a well-put mysterious man and then he is sleeping in class BHAHAHAHAH

this is so valid HE IS SO HOT LIKE SIR PLEASE FADNFDSN

the gum chewing pisses me off with any other person BUT ITS SO HOT WHEN HE DOES IT LIKE PLEASE KEEP DOING IT SIR IMMA SUCK YOUR COCK

You whine at the loss of touch, pulling at his necktie. PULLING NECKTIE WWWOOOO IM SQUIRTING

jajdfj valid.

I want to devour you.” yn my love, what if he actually does 😭(missed the vore tag on ao3 once and i have ptsd from that)

NO BUT WHAT IF??? oh god hahhaha I feel you I once missed the impregnation tag and actually triggered myself when he started speaking about putting babies in her like BACK OFF ILL BITE YOUR BALLS OFF

It’s one of those weirdly dishonest smiles again. maybe he is in lactose intolerant and is worried destroying ur toilet with the volcanic diarrhea

PLEASE hhahahhaha this would be so iconic of him tbfh

“Actually this is just a myth some misogynistic doctors made up in the sixteenth century to shame women for having sex”, SLAY now marry me

he is SO HOT I need him to fuc-

My dream is to own a really big greenhouse. THE GARDEN IN THE DRABBLE

👀👀👀👀

OH SHIT WHATS GOING ON?? did she put some anti-mythical being stuff in the tea?

THAT IS A VERY GOOD QUESTION INDEED

LISTEN. don't judge me but I genuinely think that spines (inside the body where they're supposed to be) can be so sexy like if someone has a nice spine I just wanna trace and lick and kiss and touch it like-

thankfully Taehyung can’t read minds because this was one silly thought. you sure about that? u sure about that??👀👀

THE RIGHT QUESTION INDEED

im sick and feeling cold. guess who isnt cold anymore cuz they are reading a smexy, gobsmacking as usual smut by THE MOMMY, SIBI?? ME YALL. a hoe(mentally) doesnt get cold, until they get runny nose.

I gain ten years of life each time one of you calls me Mommy HAHHAHA like yes I am indeed mother HFAHDSF

don’t rip it because this cost like forty bucks” WE LOVE REALISTIC SMUT HERE

BAHHAHAHAH I LOVE REALISM

me: i hope i dont fall him: he praises me: ana oop

BITCH (affectionate) SAME HOLY FUCK praise works so well with me like it got me thinking about the person for the next five weeks for real

oh boi tae is just trying feel humanity, life, and the whole "live in the moment", "yolo" by asking to hold closer and feel what she is feeling

*sobs*

reminds me of blood sweat and tears lines and the whole mood is hold me tight

OMFG I LOVE THIS THANK YOU

shitting tears as we speak bye,

hahahhaa shitting tears jfadsjf

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS!!! that's exactly what I want most of my smut to be for 😭😭😭

#asks: sanguis alpha #asks #minusback #tw: long post #tw: blood

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nagito-kissmaeda · 2 years

Text

if it isn't real, why does the sun still burn?

CHAPTER ONE: Rise and Shine CHAPTER TWO: i guess its all up to me now CHAPTER THREE: Predictably, everything gets worse CHAPTER FOUR: good morning CHAPTER FIVE: Something to eat CHAPTER SIX: a start the links for chapter seven and eight are busted on tumblr. please read on AO3 CHAPTER NINE: Visitation Rights

Komaeda Nagito x Talentless!Reader

Summary : Like most people visiting this tag. You have always dreamed of meeting Nagito Komaeda for real, what you would do, what you would say? Things don’t go as planned.

AKA: Reader from our universe ends up in danganronpa and is just trying her best to keep everyone alive. and maybe to make komaeda kiss her.

Contains: she/her pronouns, EXPLICIT NSFW CONTENT, panic attack ment read on AO3

Komaeda looks very peaceful when he’s asleep.

You probably should be sleeping yourself instead of watching, but despite your exhaustion from the previous day spent stressing about things to come, sleep just isn't happening. The couch isn't uncomfortable , it’s a little short for you, but you sleep curled up anyway so it isn't a big deal. The main problem is just how much it smells like Komaeda in this damn room.

He told the rest of the class that you were going to be staying in his cottage. That would have been over ten hours ago now, back at breakfast. He neglected to give you much in the way of specifics, but from what he did tell you. It sounds like the reactions were a mixed bag. Koizumi apparently seemed relieved that you wouldn't be tied up on the floor anymore, which was comforting to hear, but you doubt that her reaction was shared with the more paranoid types like Souda and Togami. There’s a tapping noise against the window and you try to bury your face in the pillow and just ignore it. Jabberwock island is hot as ever, a bead of sweat drips down between your shoulder blades as you curl into the couch and squeeze your eyes shut. The tapping becomes more insistent, and you huff into the pillow. There's rustling outside in the bushes, so you slowly sit up and turn to face the window, too scared to make a noise. “She’s not waking up!” A voice hisses, startling you, “How are we going to do this without alerting Komaeda?” Oof. No honourific, bad sign.

“Have no fear! Ibuki has idea!” Mioda stage whispers, still managing to be louder than most normal speaking voices.

You are very much awake now, though still worried that too much movement could wake Komaeda at any moment. So you stay still and hope whatever the two outside are planning is quiet “Shh, Mioda-san! We can’t risk waking him up!” You now recognise the voice as Hanamura, he sounds frightened, “who knows what he’ll do to her.” “A-Ok! I can sing a high pitched note that boys can’t hear!” Mioda sucks in a deep breath, and you manage to leap from the couch and push the blinds out of the way before she lets the note loose. “It’s okay!” You hiss, “I’m awake, please no singing!” Mioda squeals when she sees you, but Hanamura claps a hand over her mouth just in time. “Are you alright?” He asks, “He hasn’t hurt you?” “Oh. I’m fine— really I am.” He sighs, relieved, “I was so worried. It would have been all my fault if something terrible happened, I knew he was planning something but I didn’t say anything.” Komaeda shifts a little, and the three of you freeze. You peek at him from the corner of your eye, he’s still fast asleep, “Move around to the front of the cottage” you whisper, “We’re going to wake him up if we keep talking like this.” “Okay, yeah. Good idea.” Hanamura replies, his hand still clamped firmly over Mioda’s mouth, “We’ll meet you there.” As the two of them start walking away from the window, you gingerly let the venetian blinds drop back down, being careful not to let them rattle against the window frame. Then you turn on your heel and start tip-toeing your way over to the door. Komaeda whimpers in his sleep and rolls around to face you, his brow is furrowed and his cheek is covered in marks from the creases on his pillowcase. Your heart is trying to force its way up into your throat. He’s pretty. You shake your head and continue to the door, a little faster but still just as quietly. Komaeda has left his keys on a hook just by the door, so you grab them and tuck them into the pocket of your pajama shorts. The ocean air is cold and refreshing when you step out of the cottage, carefully letting the door fall closed behind you. Mioda and Hanamura are also in their sleeping clothes. Hanamura’s matching set is covered in cinnamon rolls, Mioda is wearing an oversized band shirt that reaches down to her mid thigh, her usual hairstyle forgone for a simple ponytail. “Cuuuuute jammies!” Mioda exclaims when you step fully into view. Your cheeks begin to burn, and you fiddle with the hem of your shorts, “Oh, um. Thanks?” you cough, “anyway, was there something important you needed to talk to me about?” Hanamura balks at you, “Obviously! We need to talk about your new murderous roommate!” “Oh ya.” Mioda says, tapping the side of her nose, “I totes forgot that was why we were here.” she clasps her hands behind her back and bounces on her toes, “Ibuki heard everything at the party! You aren’t guilty of anything! Zip! Zilch! Nada! No comprende!” You had…entirely forgotten about Mioda’s powerful hearing. You had been so focussed on stopping Komaeda and saving both Hanamura and Togami that so many of the finer details had escaped you. “Mioda-san and I are going to try and see if anyone else in the class noticed anything. There must be some way we can clear your name” Hanamura’s usually soft expression turns stern, “And hopefully get Komaeda locked up instead-” “Oh! Uh! You don’t have to do that!” You say, jumping to Komaeda’s defense a little too quickly, “Komaeda-san he’s not- uh…he’s-” What are you doing? How are you supposed to explain that Komaeda really isn't that bad and that he’s just got a bunch of weird ideals and a cocktail of mental illnesses without sounding like you’re absolutely insane? He almost caused a murder, whether he died himself or he ended up doing the killing it would have started the horrible killing game that Monokuma is running and yet- “He won’t hurt me. I’m okay.” Hanamura frowns, “You don’t know that. You didn’t see him the afternoon before the party, knife in hand and just--just laughing to himself.” “We can’t fight anymore, Hanamura-san.” You say quietly, “This is what they want. Whoever is running this killing game wants to drive us apart and force us to fight and kill. Komaeda-san…he just…” You laugh a little, pushing your hair away from your face, “He needs someone to look after him - he won't try anything again, I promise.” “If he does try anything though, Ibuki will kick his skinny ass!” Mioda demonstrates with a high kick that almost gets Hanamura square in the noggin’. Hanamura just barely dodges the kick and takes a step towards you, nervously holding one of your hands between both of his, “I don’t understand why you trust him…but, I guess I’ll have to follow your judgment for now” He inclines his head in Mioda’s direction, “Mioda-san and I will keep an eye on you, and try to convince the others that you had nothing to do with the knife. If you don’t want us to push the blame onto Komaeda, we won’t.” he averts his eyes, “Even if he deserves it.” “Thank you. Both of you.” You let out a relieved sigh, “We really need to focus our efforts on getting off this island, I’ll handle Komaeda-san, you guys just focus on yourselves for now, okay?” Hanamura sighs, “Before we go, I have something for you.” He slings a satchel off his shoulder that you hadn’t noticed, “I don’t know how well that guy is feeding you, so here’s some more food. I’ll come by in a day or so with more.” He gives you a warm smile, “Take care of yourself.” After saying goodbye to both of them, you speak back inside the cottage and close the door behind yourself before hanging the key back up on the hook. You only make it halfway back to the couch before you’re caught. “Did you have fun out there?” You whirl around to see Komaeda, still in bed but very much awake. The blanket is tucked under his chin and his hair is a mess, but his eyes are calculated and clear like he was never even asleep. Your breath catches in your throat, “You--You were awake the whole time?” He chuckles, “Of course. I’m a very light sleeper.” his lips curl in a mischievous smile, “Do you really trust me as much as you say? I don’t take you for a liar, but I have done nothing worthy of such unwavering faith.” “I’m just trying to keep everyone safe, that’s all.” His eyes dip down to the expanse of your thigh revealed by your sleep shorts, but he quickly clears his throat and turns away, “Admirable, to be sure.” his eyes meet yours again, and there's a saccharine smile on his lips, “I have little concern with you talking things over with the others, so there’s no need to be so secretive next time.” he sighs, “It’s not as if i have a good reputation among the other ultimates anyway. I’m hardly worth their time.” You swallow, dithering in the middle of the room before breathing, “I find that hard to believe” *** “So, ya gonna tell me what got your panties in a twist? Or do ya want me to guess?” You jump up from where you were sitting on the couch. You had once again spent most of the day cooped up inside Komaeda’s cottage just…thinking. Sonia had stopped by to check on you and affirm that she didn’t believe you had done anything wrong, but other than that, it had just been you and Komaeda. And now, Monokuma. You groan, “What do you want?” The bear giggles, and starts making himself comfortable on Komaeda’s bed. Komaeda himself is in the shower, you can still hear the water running and doubt he has even noticed the unexpected guest. “You're in love with him. Aren't you?” You blink, “What…?” “That kooky guy, the freakazoid. Ya know, Komaeda-kuuuuuun~” Monokuma leans forward, cupping his face in his hands, “I saw you ogling him when he came to feed you. I bet you were hungry for more than just food, huh?” “Sh--Shut up…” You say, turning to face away from Monokuma, and trying not to look at the bathroom door either. “Upupupu! I've struck a nerve? How deeeeelightful!! Is this what your despair is? Being trapped here with the man you love and have loved for years, but in order for him to live, you have to stop existing? You know that right? That just like little ol’ me, the end of this program means the end of you. What delicious despair, I'm almost jealous of you!” You freeze, heart thumping loudly in your chest, “Wait, you…you know, don’t you?” “‘Course I do, kiddo! You’re not supposed to be here!” He jumps down from the bed and clamors up on the coffee table, struggling a little with his stubby little legs, “I’m hanging out in the source code, remember? You just look like a screwed up mess from in here, no offense.” he laughs again, “There ain’t a single system in place for you, like i said, the Neo World program goes, and you go with it.” You’d always sort of assumed that would be the case, you don’t have a place in the real world here. Either you’ll just stop existing or go back to your own world and it’s impossible to know which. The fact that you are being forced to mull it over though, that makes your anxiety kick back up. “Just stop, okay! Leave me alone!” You exclaim, turning and crossing the room with every intention of leaving out the front door. “I can help you. If you want. I'm sure you already know my grand plan, to use the dead bodies of these people as vessels for myself, but I don't need all of them. If you kill someone, if you beat the trial, I can save him for you. This can be your own special little motive.” You stop, hand on the doorknob and turn back to face Monokuma, “Wh--what do you mean, save him?” “Oh it's not that confusing! Komaeda-Kun doesn't get executed, and you win the killing game, meaning that you get to leave. Since you don't have a body of your own, you can borrow one, any one you want, I don't mind.” Your breath is slow and even, horrifically normal despite the insane thing Monokuma is suggesting. “You can finally have the killer body you've always wanted.” He says, tracing a set of imaginary curves down his sides, “You can finally be beautiful! Owari has great tits, you could be her, or you could have Pekoyama’s thighs, or Mioda’s voice. Or…….” Monokuma leans in, and you can picture the smile on enoshima’s face, “I could put you in Hinata-kun. Would you like that?” “SHUT UP” You cry out, fists clenching at your sides. “I’ve seen the way Komaeda follows him around like a lost puppy. You’re jealous aren’t you?” The bear points a stubby paw in your direction, “So, take Hinata’s body, and you could do whatever you want to Komaeda. Kissing, fucking, the works. It doesn't bother me-” “STOP” “Hm. Well, the option is always there. Like I said, you're own special little motive. Bye-onara for now, I'll keep in touch” Monokuma vanishes into thin air, and you are left alone in the room. Breath heaving, tears beading in your eyes. What the fuck was that? What does Enoshima think she is playing at? You gulp in a shaky breath of air, struggling to use your lungs without breaking into a sob. You’d always figured that Monokuma knew exactly what you were up to, that’s kind of his whole deal. So that revelation wasnt a surprising one, but the fact that Enoshima can literally see the garbled code that comprises of your meager existence is fucked up, your just a line of faulty script. Deletable, broken. “Are you okay?” Komaeda asks gently when he comes out from the bathroom, his hair is extra fluffy from the blow dryer, “I thought I heard arguing, but I wasn't exactly in an appropriate state of dress to interrupt.” You sniff, rubbing your eyes with the heel of your palm to keep back the tears you can feel are waiting to make an appearance, “Yeah, um. Just had a visit from the bear . Little bastard he is.” “Ah.” “Yeah.” You laugh bitterly, taking a seat on the bed, “I’m fine though. Nothing important happened, he was just…bothering me.” That. And now all you can think about is the next motive must be coming soon, probably even tomorrow. What other reason would Monokuma have for visiting? If not to gauge how everyone is holding together and if they need another push . You chew on a thumbnail, just hoping that the next motive will still be the arcade game because then at least you can get out there and beat it before anyone else. You aren’t sure if Monokuma would let you tamper with it, so you might just need to sit there until- “You’re stressed.” Komaeda says, it isn’t a question, it’s a definitive statement. You giggle, shocked to be so quickly ripped from your train of thought, “I am.” You reply, staring down at the floor instead of meeting his eyes “I’m not…I’m not meant to do this. I have to but I’m just-“ you stiffen a little, realizing that you’re getting far too personal, “sorry. I shouldn’t complain.” Komaeda hums, taking a few steps towards you. His hair smells like coconut shampoo, “I did tell you I was willing to help. If you’re stressed, I’m sure you can find some way to make use of me.” You dismiss his offer with a wave of your hand, “thanks, but uh…the anxiety is permanent. Not much you can do for that.” He walks even further forward, until he is standing just inches away from you, “I’m…ah…quite certain I know at least one way to help, a little.” He drops to his knees, “if you would like my help, that is.” Your heart stops There’s no way. There’s no fucking way that he is offering what you think he is. This is impossible, you’re dreaming, you're dead, maybe it’s just Monokuma pulling a sick prank somehow. Anything is more likely than…than… Komaeda reaches out a hand, resting it on top of your knee and slowly edging your thighs open. You can’t stop shaking, your breath is coming hard and fast- “Do you want me to keep going?” He breathes and every part of you is screaming YES YES YES you scrunch your eyes shut, because you know that he’s just trying to be helpful. He doesn’t actually like you, does he? He sees that you're stressed and he wants to help, do you really want to take advantage of him? You open your eyes again, ready to turn him down, to be the bigger person for once in your pathetic life. His tongue darts out to wet his lower lip And any resolve you may have had, shatters. “Please…” you whimper, in a voice so delicate that it almost feels like it isn’t your own, “keep going…” You’re wearing one of your many sundresses, so there is little between Komaeda and your skin. His hands are big on your thighs when he slowly pushes the dress up and over your hips, he lets out a sigh, and gently brushes a line up the front of your panties with a knuckle. “Ngh!” He chuckles when your hips stutter forward into his touch, he does it again. Firmer. You clutch tightly to the bed sheets as the roiling waves of pleasure lance through you, chin bowed to your chest and mouth hanging open. Komaeda wraps his bony fingers around the waistband of your panties, “Lift up.” “Oh, uh, yeah.” You lift up your hips so he can tug your panties over them, and the nerves reawaken in your chest, “Komaeda, are you sure-” He is touching you again, his head resting against your left thigh as his thumb lazily circles your bare clit. You almost yelp, and he smirks, “Your panties are cute, by the way. I did notice.” The knuckle of his index finger presses against your entrance, firm enough that you can feel the taste of penetration, but not enough that it satisfies . He likes to tease, of course he does. His thumb is still rubbing hot, tantalizing circles around your swollen clit all while he looks up at you with those lazy eyes. Then, he removes his hand, shuffling in closer between your thighs. You can feel his warm breath on your bare skin, he wraps one arm around your left leg, clamping his fingers into the soft skin of your thigh. Your other knee is bouncing erratically, you can't stop it. Komaeda lifts up his free hand and rests it on your bouncing knee. Rubbing gentle circles until it stops moving, “Shh…” he whispers against your sex, “Relax for me, okay?” You suck a breath in through your teeth, “Okay...okay…” The moment hangs in the air, nervous and shaky, before his head descends and he presses a warm kiss against your clit. You let out an airy sigh, thighs shaking on either side of his head. Komaeda reads your reaction, and avoids your clit for now, correctly realizing that you are still far too sensitive. He instead switches to dragging his tongue slowly up between your folds, teasing you with the occasional dip into your entrance. His hands are ever present, gripping tightly to your thighs as he devours you. Every swipe of his tongue up the length of your cunt brings out another wave of guilt. You don’t even know where your relationship with him lies and you just let him do this to you, and so quickly too. He circles your entrance, pushing inside just enough that you feel it. This is too good. For something you shouldn't be doing, it's just too good . He barely knows you, he tried to get himself murdered just a few days ago and now he’s tongue fucking you like it never even happened. You squeeze your eyes shut, moans and whimpers escaping your mouth while all you can think about is how you shouldn’t have said yes . Then his lips wrap around your clit, and the part of your brain that is always worrying, just turns off . You toss your head back in a moan, rolling your hips forward into his awaiting mouth and bury one hand in his hair It’s soft . Softer than you’d ever imagined, and god had you imagined. Komaeda’s mouth is hot and warm, alternating between sucking and circling your swollen clit with his tongue, following your moans and repeating what makes you scream. He drops one of your legs, two long fingers pushing inside of you all the way to the second knuckle as he licks back and forth, just teasing you with the tip of his tongue before pressing hard against you with the flat of it. His fingers curl up and you yelp. He pulls back just a little, and says with a laugh, “There you are” before pulling your clit back between his lips, curling his fingers over and over, pressing firmly against the perfect spot every single time. You feel him laugh again, and look down to see his eyes peering up at you from over the curve of your belly. He watches in adoration as he pushes in a third finger and you cry out in ecstasy. Your fingers are nowhere near that long, that dexterous. Every touch is a shot straight to your core, hips grinding sinfully against his face and near crying with each suck of your clit. Komaeda is moaning now, your own noises so loud that you had barely noticed, but it's true, he’s enjoying this too. Whimpering and groaning as he buries himself between your thighs, sobbing when your legs tighten around him. “Can you come for me?” He asks, voice gentle and perfect even as his fingers fuck you with perfect precision. His tongue returns to you, licking in delicate circles. “Y--Yes…” You whine, tugging hard enough on his hair that he moans again. His fingers move faster, building atop the crescendo that is already growing deep inside you. Hot searing pleasure that makes it feel like you might go supernova with just one more touch. His eyes meet yours again, “Do it, please. Come on my tongue, please .” “I---I---I--ah!” You struggle to speak as he presses his tongue against you again, firmly all hot and wet and his fingers curl up into that perfect shape that has you absolutely shattering. Your legs shake and your hips grind as you let out a cry without abandon. It takes a moment for you to catch your breath. Head lolling back as your breath heaves and the warmth in your chest blooms out to the rest of your body. When you finally have the energy to look back down, Komaeda is sitting back on his heels, peering up at you with a smile. “Feeling better?”

#komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #nagito komaeda x reader #danganronpa x reader

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galacticlamps · 1 year

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Tag 9 ppl you want to get to know better

tagged by @observethewalrus

First ship: I genuinely don’t know? And now that I’m realizing I don’t know I’m actually a tiny bit sad about that. I’d started writing things that can only be described as fanfiction long before I was old enough to be online and before we evolved past dial-up in my house & being on the computer became simple enough to not feel like a hassle anyway - which is all just to say that when I did wind up interacting with fannish communities later on, fanfic specifically wasn’t something totally new to me so I never had vivid memories of my first experiences of it. As a kid fanfic was what you basically had to do when you reached the end of any media you’d even somewhat enjoyed and the author rather rudely neglected to go on telling the story infinitely - so I think it must’ve been a while before shipping became a major thing on my radar, and it probably happened gradually. I do distinctly remember finding it a little ironic in high school that so much online/tumblr specific fandom was about shipping, and I was in multiple fandoms and had several ships, but I didn’t have any big passionate (or even non-canon & in need of defending) ships for my main fandom, which was always Doctor Who - though at the time, just nuwho. There, the only things I could be said to ship were pretty straightforward pairings like the Ponds, Doctor/River, Jack/Ianto, etc. - and I’m guessing whatever things I had that counted as ships before I got into fandom were similar to those, just a kind of passing approval of/investment in ships that were already well-established elements of their source material.

Three Ships: well Two/Jamie always (connected to the above tangent, I was involved in fandom for close to a decade before I came across them, but I’d never found cause to use the term otp before then), and at the moment the other ships taking up the next-most space in my brain are probably Ben/Polly and Geordi/Data

Last Song: Ruin by the Amazing Devil (I remember it playing as I drove home last night)

Last Movie: ah see I’m actually quite bad about watching movies/even remembering they exist. There’s a real possibility the most recent one was The Final Frontier, simply because I’ve been doing a long slow chronological trek through Star Trek, and I’m currently in the early 90s so I know I must have watched that one at some point in the last year or so, and more recently than any of the ones that came out before it

Currently Reading: Ok this I’m legitimately embarrassed about, because I’m not normally anywhere near this slow with books at all, and neither of these are bad, boring, or even slow-paced, it’s solely a matter of how horribly hectic & unpredictable my life’s been for the last few months - but I’ve been both near the end of Bare-Arsed Banditti and a couple hundred pages deep into The Two Towers since the end of August (I hate that fact so much but I need to admit it. It’s available information on my Storygraph account anyway it should not be so hard to say)

Currently Consuming: Twining’s Irish Breakfast tea, black. I am often consuming twining’s irish breakfast tea black

Currently Craving: a break - or maybe just routine in general? I’ve been doing a lot of overlapping freelance work lately: short-term projects that don’t last long enough to allow for anything like ‘time off’ & have all the busy-ness of full-time without any of the stability, which kinda feels like the worst of both worlds tbh. 2022 was a rough year for me for that in general, but it got especially bad in the fall & winter and I’m hoping to get a better handle on my own schedule in the next few weeks one way or another, but I’m sorry to anyone I’ve kinda ghosted in the interim

Tagging: @uighean @terryfphanatics @seismologically-silly and anybody else who wants to do it!

#tag games

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darkpersonapeace · 1 year

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5 writers/5 things

@woahpip and @wingsofescape tagged me in this to talk about five things you are likely to find in a story of mine and tag five writers to give their answers to the question.

So, let’s try this?

1) Different references! I’m always reading new stories or watching new movies and my mind just keeps turning them into my favorite ship (edwin), so that’s something you will find in my stories. I have added references to other movies, other books, great quotes and lines from tv shows in my stories (in there is no peace here, war is never cheap dear I used the quote “ by definition, don’t all relationships end in tragedy?” from the Watchmen series!)

2) Crumbles of the story: I often like to write leaving crumbles of informations inside my stories, hoping that people will connect the dots and realize what I’m tryhing to tell them. Like, in war tangles the strings that binds us I wrote that Ed had a female general with short blonde hair who says “even you now have the eyes of a kiler” hoping that people will get that’s Riza! So yeah, I leave crumbles but I doubt people get them (lol)

3) Excessive use of non linear thinking? Idk even know if this is a real thing in, you know, the world, but it is in my stories! I often tend to write some scenes as if I was the character, the way of them thinking or feeling at the moment, so, sometimes, when you’re reading something I wrote, it feels more natural (I hope) like a persons true feelings at that moment, than an actual story. This tends to happen more in explicit scenes, but I still write that way in a lot in normal scenes, rs.

4) RANDOM TITLES FOR THE FICS (i wish that had a deeper meaning -- except war tangles the strings that binds us and there is no peace here, war is never cheap dear all of them are so RANDOM)

5) Romance! I am nothing but an avid romance girl, I absolutely love romances, little stories to create universes, men begging, creating war for their loved ones, strong females with men so in love with them. I love love tropes and count me in on them. ALL I do is write love stories, if there isn’t romance, I’m not really interested.

Extra: english mistakes! english is not my first language so you’ll always find some grammar mistakes, ignore them, the plot (or porn) is better.

Okay, babes, that wasn’t SO hard, ok? Love you for tagging me <3

#i shoud tag my posts

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persesophrosyne · 2 years

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Hey hi ☺️ Thank you dear for tagging me in 3 days challenge.Hey in that actually she told that she will affirm for her desires but at night she will imagine her desires .but i am not good at imagination, like my thing is i can't imagine daily because to imagine i need to sit in particular place and then start imagination and that's what make me struggling because some time i can find a place or sometime at night I'll forget doing my imaginary scenes and sleep and when i woke up i think like i didn't do the imagination yesterday what will happen now I'll think in this way😭,but is this really necessary to imagine atleast once in a day??tell me dear?? And the other thing is she told she will do imagination for 3 desires at a time in sats.is it ok to manifest 3 desires on this 3 days challenge?? And imagining two desires one by one in sats whilst before sleeping?? please clarify my doubts dear.And the other thing is from my childhood i never seen money in my hands particularly like i never hold money in my hand and whenever i go for shopping my parents will give the money and since my childhood there is no concept of pocket money in my house ,so whenever money comes to my mind i thought like money can't be in my hands or getting money is very difficult to me .i used to think in this way whenever i thought of money ,so that's why till now though i am at the job age i am not getting any jobs and also money.so now my doubt is should i need to change this assumption first that money don't come to me easily and then need to start Affirming for money manifestation things ?? Or i can just affirm the money which i want please tell me dear .should i need to change my limiting beliefs regarding money first or i can just affirm that i have so and so much money and i am enjoying my financial status now . please tell me dear .sorry for the long post🙏☺️☺️

1. if you're not good at imagining you absolutely don't have to do it. an important part of manifesting is to find what suits you. infact haven't you heard a lot of people say that you have to affirm multiple times a day to get your desires? but I'm not doing it, cuz I find it easier to visualize right now. I dont believe it's necessary for me to do something in particular in order to manifest. all these methods are secondary and optional. i could get what i want by simply being aware of my desires reality. no visualizing, no affirming, no scripting. just acknowledge that it's real with no following thoughts and that is more than enough. but the reason I prefer to visualize more, or affirm (think) a little more for my desires is because I like the feeling of rush and happiness it gives me. that's it. manifesting is very relative. there's no point in taking so much stress thinking about how you will do it. for one second, skip over all those thoughts and think "I am gonna do it" nobody cares how. it's gonna happen means it's gonna happen. if you don't feel comfortable visualizing and feel like it's pressuring then don't do it

also, you don't visualize or affirm to get your desires. you do these things because you already have them. as I said, manifesting is not all these loads of info you read about scripting visualizing void state affirming and god knows what variety of methods. manifesting is awareness. it's awareness of the reality inside you, which eventually changes the reality outside. "affirming" "visualizing" are just fancy words for living like how you would if you were at the end of your goal. you don't "affirm" you think. you don't "visualize" you experience it in the picture reality. your minds reality which is the ultimate one. you don't "script" you're writing a diary for the things you have. like a normal diary entry. the core is that you believe. all these other things are secondary.

look, either you're actually facing problem visualizing. which is completely okay, or you're stressing about weather or not you're visualizing correct and weather or not it will get you your desire which ultimately hinders your visualizing capacity. that's normal, let me tell you. if I was going to give an exam and kept thinking about if I'm gonna do it right or how I'm gonna do it right or if all my hard work was worth it or if I even know what I studied I am gonna do bad in that exam. that is normal and the same with almost every human being. instead of focusing on the fact that I have studied and I can, I start wasting time on such trivial thoughts and get so consumed by the fact that oh maybe I don't remember what I studied that I actually end up forgetting and do bad on the test. what good did those thoughts do me? all I did was dig my own grave.

is this how you wanna go? no! put a break to these thoughts. cut out your past from your present self. you have no connection with any bad thing you did or anything you didn't accomplish. literally no connection. this is a new start, for real. it's not a new start just for show. it's not a new start so you can get your desire. it's a new start because you now understand yourself better. that is how you make the new start permanent. by acknowledging that you're doing this because you understand it better. like if you're studying something, what's the better way to study? is to study carefully with your own speed and pace, and to only move to the next topic once YOU know you've 100% understood the current one or is it to rush through it just a day before exam to get the little grades you can? obviously the 1st one right? the 2nd way is not impossible but it's so stressful, why would you even wanna live like that? the same way, when you are re starting your manifesting journey, only label it that if you are 100% sure that you completely understand what I'm saying and the fact that you won't ever forget this. because this post is not a temporary rush of feeling, its meant to teach you a lesson that will stay with you for the rest of your life. permanently. if you you let it become the 1st kind then every other night will be a "re start" which is ultimately useless, if Im being honest with you.

2. nope. it's not important. as I said you can just be aware of your desires reality and that's more than enough. how many times you wanna visualize, imagine etc is totally up to you

3. you can manifest a million things at once lol 3 desires is not bad. trust your powers

4. sats is just visualizing or affirming before sleeping. it's not spme crazy dimension where you have to limit yourself to one desire. it's simply what it is, imagining while going to sleep. you think about stuff when going to bed right? like what happened today, did your crush make a move at you? did you find money? you think random stuff like that. sats is just that but thinking about your desires and the fact that you have them. so yes! you can use sats for any amount of desires you want. any amount that you can think of before going to sleep, you can use sats for it.

5. for the money thing, I want you to keep everything I said in para 1. for what you should do first? honestly depends on you. I'd suggest you don't take it as stressful and think of manifesting as overwhelming and just do it at the same time. just think like a person who has an amazing job with an outstanding pay, and has great financial freedom from their parents. if you feel affirming is more natural for you then think these kind of thoughts. if you think visualizing is more natural for you then picture yourself at your desires job doing what you love and making crazy money out of it. then after work you go for shopping and buy whatever you want. if you don't wanna do any of this just see yourself as a person who has all this. for example, when you think of yourself now, you get might see someone without the job they want. you're not doing any "method" here. you just accept the reality of it. now all you have to do is to accept the reality of the fact that you you a job.

6. you should definitely work on your limiting beliefs first. as I said in para 1. follow all that, after that I bet you'll be able to manifest with ease. and it would be better for you to do that emotionally to. you can manifest first and think about your limiting beliefs later but I'd much rather suggest to do otherwise. removal of these beliefs + a good self concept makes manifesting so much more fun imo. not better, no. you're gonna be the same amount of ultra powerful like you are now aswell. it will just make the experience easier yk

Ps. this is very long, so I'm too lazy to proof read it hehe so sorry if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes in there!

#law of assumption #self concept #loa #law of manifestation

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c0rpseductor · 2 years

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this is nothing bad its just me being a little bitchy? rude i guess? idk. im not trying to say anything bad about anyone im just trying to sort through some complicated feelings that have very little to do with this person and are not super charitable

anyway on my selfship account i am following someone who likes the moon knight guy(s) as, like, friends or something im not sure. recently a lot of people have been talking about episode 5 and they were like, upset about that episode and were just vaguely like “fuck you marvel for ep5″ so i decided to look up what exactly happened in it, and like

im not sure which part was most upsetting for them, but in regards to the abuse, i very much kind of felt like...”well, it’s a television show about someone with DID; the fact this character was horribly abused as a child ought to have been obvious from the jump.”

which i get is kind of cruel of me, bc it’s still got to be a bummer for people who are attached to the character(s), and obviously watching it on tv instead of reading it as a recap it’s probably kind of upsetting and could activate PTSD symptoms if youve been treated that way. i also realize in some ways i’m very sensitive about child abuse but in others i’m incredibly desensitized, so my emotional perspective is usually not normal. but i really kind of feel like, why be mad? that’s obviously going to have been the case.

i guess given the context of everything they mightve been upset about steven (?) dying (??) but not marc (???) which. is more comprehensible to me. i don’t know why that was a writing choice though. it’s so utterly bizarre, especially for a show that otherwise seems fairly concerned with accuracy. but i would get being upset by that. actually i bet that’s why they were upset and not the fact that he was abused as a child. that’s just a given. i just never know sometimes, like i feel sometimes like people react with a lot more shock and surprise to child abuse than i’m used to bc as fucked up as it is i just like...idk it does upset me but usually it doesn’t shock me unless it’s really really far beyond egregious. like they said in the recap he was beaten by his mother and i just was like ok. (but i guess thats normal bc he’s not real and that’s barely anything to go on.)

i feel like kind of a jerk about being a little confused and conflicted about this and their love of the show. there’s a part of me that feels like having a big emotional reaction like shock to something like this or to my own abuse is, like, “soft” or otherwise kind of weak and embarrassing, but part of me feels kind of like, uncomfortably vulnerable at like, wondering what this acquaintance might think of me based on this tv show. i feel intensely uncomfortable when people express really effusive sympathy or like shock and horror when i relate any part of my abuse, which is more like gross and socially unacceptable to talk about, so it kind of concerns me even if i’ll never tell this person, like just hoping they wouldn’t also react to me with shock and horror.

once again, probably a moot point bc it makes WAY more sense to me to be upset a fictional character died than to be upset they were abused as a child, but with how popular moon knight is right now i feel kind of like nervous about the increased attention on DID. i don’t have an issue with the show or think it’s bad but the last thing i want is to feel like my life is somehow indirectly being exposed to marvel fans, and the fandomization of DID kind of terrifies me (i’ve seen people posting fanfic for “DID AUs” in the DID tag who don’t even have it, which made me so sick i had to go take a shower). i know the answer is to just ignore the show and not go digging around in the tags when there’s usually nothing of value to begin with but like. it’s rough out there lol

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awsugar · 2 years

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I don’t understand why some big mcr blogs slate anyone who believes gerard and frank had a thing, like our view didn’t arise from nowhere there’s clearly evidence that has led us to think this. I get disliking those who push frerard in frank and Gerard’s faces (barely anyone does this nowadays) but slating people for believing they had something in the past is kinda ridiculous imo. Franks solo music speaks volumes but if you read into it you’re demonised as a frerardie

mmmmm am i down to clown today... ok i will speak.

actually im going to put this under a cut bc my last ask was a long one and i feel like i am going to talk about this for way too long bc its 1am and im honestly a little tipsy.

note: i just finished answering this it took me an embarrassingly long amount of time and i dont think the person who asked this is even going to read it but i apparently have a lot of thoughts and no one ever wants to listen to me lol

firstable yea actually unfortunately anytime they do a livestream, or anytime anyone SOMEHOW RELATED to them does a livestream. there are ppl in the chat talking about frerard. they both have comments off on insta now, i didnt actually read the comments that much and franks have been off for ages but im positive there were people in the comments talking about frerard. i mean fuck, franks LAST tweet he qrted someone who tagged him in the replies of a pic of The Kiss. so i mean yea its definitely not a majority but it still happens extremely frequently.

this is like. genuinely really funny to me bc im sure frank didnt see it, i think he knows enough not to look at the chat for the most part. but the moral is that its 2021 and people STILL dont know how to act. i wont go on about it but it actively enrages me anytime i watch a stream. rule one of real person fandoms is keep all that shit in your fan spaces. which is actually why i prefer tumblr. none of them are on here. actively engaging in mcr fandom on twitter is too close for comfort, especially since frank follows a handful of my friends and also like. knows me.

so like moral of my most times unavoidable wall of text is that ppl are right to be frustrated with the fans who act this way. i am extremely frustrated with them. and i think for the people who have never like tinhatted or anything, this type of behavior stands out and makes an impression and becomes the like. poster child for ppl who are like 'hmmmmm but what if.' about the frank and gerard stuff.

anyway, moving on, i think a lot of peoples hang up is that they view it as rpf. which i have a couple things to say about actually. its no secret that i have read a lot of rpf. i had never heard of fanfiction until i started getting into mcr in 2008. that was my introduction. and at the time, in that community, it was completely normal. and it was for a loooooooooong time. i knew of people who didnt read fic or felt weird about it but the majority of people i interacted with DID read fic. and on top of that, the people who didn;t were nothing like they are today. we all got along. no one was like demonizing people who did read fic. in 2012 when i think mcr tumblr was at its peak, ALL of the most popular blogs were "frerardies" (hate that term). they all talked about and recced fic and a lot of them wrote it too. everyone had a boyfriends tag. anyway when i came BACK to the mcr fandom in 2016 after a couple years away post-breakup it was still like that. people talked about fic all the time and you didnt have to like, hide it in fear of being labeled as a terrible person.

i always discussed this stuff, fic and theories, openly on this blog. for YEARS. the first time i noticed the rpf shift was 2019 tbh, when my blog was suspended and i (not related) had a mental health crisis and i spent a handful of months off tumblr, when i remade on a different blog suddenly it seemed like people were like noooo you cant talk about that. ppl who read fic are disgusting. if you think something happened between them you're homophobic. i was like honestly baffled bc i didnt know how it had seemingly changed so much in a matter of like 4 months or so. but thats the society we live in now lmao.

anyway the other thing about rpf is that i think most of these people are hypocrites. bc almost everyone makes an exception for unholyverse. theyre like ok i will dabble in the most popular fic and see what its about while still demonizing the people who read OTHER fics. like ugh.

also i have noticed its an age thing. a lot of the time. almost every mcr fan i personally interact with or know, which is a lot of people, read fic, used to read fic and just sort of grew out of it, and/or (usually and) believe something happened between them. but everyone i interact with is an adult and all of my closer friends are long time mcr fans like me. i feel like the percentage of fans who are minors who are extremely anti-rpf is way higher than the percentage of adults. and i think thats just due to the fan culture we grew up with and the fact that young people a lot of times are like..it seems very performative in an attempt to be the least problematic person that ever lived.

also random side note its really funny to keep updated with this debate on twitter. they literally yoyo there. frerard is ok on a bi-weekly basis.

anyway back to what i was originally saying which was that people view tinhatting as rpf and therefor not okay. which like idk maybe i sound crazy but i also always said this when i was in the phandom and discussing like dan and phil and whether or not they were soulmates before they came out, i don't think tinhatting is rpf. or like. idk theres a part of me that can see why people think rpf is a bad thing even though if i was famous i wouldnt care if people wrote fics about me. but like. analyzying the real life things that people have done and said in public (important). in order to try to contextualize their relationship or understand that dynamic better. well i mean first of all its not fiction. but like i do think its a lot different than writing explicit bdsm fic about them.

and i know a lot of the people on here who dont like actively participate in these conversations do like. see where we're coming from. with the frank lyrics and millions and like all of that stuff. they just dont talk about it. i mean *I* have stopped mostly talking about it at all unless its vague, due to the current climate and opinion. and sometimes we'll all have a moment of hysteria where we've all decided its ok to speak about. me right now apparently.

anyway im positive no one read all of this. i need to learn how to be brief but ive been saying that my whole life. but you're right. to me its clear that there's a bigger story behind it than frank and gerard just being buddies who were in a band together. a logical conclusion. and i wish we could just all get along again instead of people being sooooo mad about it.

#anonymous #asks #im gonna make queue bend and break #frerard

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writing-in-lesbian · 3 years

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Haunting my Dream(s)

Synopsis: You met Natasha when she was living in Ohio. She was your best friend (maybe more) and you were hers. Everything was perfect until one day she disappeared from your life, breaking both of your hearts in the process. That night was when the dreams started. 24 years later and you can't get her out of your life. Maybe it's time you actually pay attention to your dreams. Pairing: Natasha Romanoff / Female reader. Tags: angst Disclaimer: I don’t own Black Widow or anything Marvel related. Word Count: 4.3K

I have always liked rainy days. For as long as I can remember, these types of days have held an attraction for me, it’s as if the cold and the gray clouds called me and asked me to listen to their stories. Most of the time they came to me consciously and lucidly in the daytime world.

To say those cold gray days did not put me in a nostalgic and longing feeling would be a lie. Longing for her, for the past, for the thousands of questions that remained unanswered, the hidden truths buried in the depths of my mind and my being.

Sometimes those days were torturous, reminding me of what I lost, a person that my mind tried to lock in that place where painful memories end. That comfort that usually came with the witnesses of the rain, like the smell of the grass and the wet earth, from time to time becoming my own prison, trapping me in a labyrinth of memories suppressed and assumptions.

Despite that, the rain called me like a jealous lover to the dreamlands, where I would know undoubtedly, from time to time, she would be there, patiently waiting for me.

I had never allowed myself to speak consciously about her until today, 24 years after the dreams began.

For years I did not question the meaning of it, I sought consolation thinking that it was just a feeling of longing for my "Best Friend", that feeling you have when you think you lost something good without explanation.

Or maybe it had an explanation. I don’t know.

The first time I dreamed it, it caught me off guard. Over the years, that dream became recurring and at some point, a refuge.

The set up and places always changed. A hotel, a restaurant, a shopping center, a beach, the cabin in the mountains, our old school, a clubroom, a field, her backyard ... and so I could go on with the list.

Physically she does not look like the person I remembered. It was someone else face, her skin was different and her eyes weren't the shade of green I remembered, but it was her. I know it was her, her essence is unique.

Sometimes she is taller than me. Other times (most of them) she is slightly shorter than I am. We are normally the same height.

It always happens the same way:

I find myself talking with a group of people, friends who correspond to the moment in my life in which I find myself. Friends and acquaintances, teachers and family, love interests that only appeared once and faded from my attention after she arrived. In hindsight I think that must have been my second biggest sign.

I am always in the middle of a conversation on any topic that, in the same way, resembles the point in my life where I found myself, such as high school, the next exam, the final presentation, the thesis, my recruitment, the mission. A good time, good company, but the weather is always cloudy, sometimes with a few small drops, most of the time with torrential rain.

Suddenly, my eyes and attention are diverted to someone who is approaching the group of people I am with.

"Natasha"

Her name resounds between the drops hitting the glass and the thunder that echoes in the distance. It’s like a whisper that should be imperceptible but in my mind it’s the only clear thing that I heard. Strong enough to silence the sounds of people around me and escapes my lips like a forbidden breath.

"Natasha"

I had not dared to pronounce it since our separation, a little over 12 months ago... But you should not take it for sure. There are things that my mind had blocked and was trying to avoid, so I may be wrong with the time.

She walks to us and greet us like it's a common thing. She greets everyone with a kiss on the cheek and a short hug.

She never greets me first.

When she stands in front of me, time stops for a few seconds and suddenly my arms are on her back in a hug that makes me feel that time has not passed, as if we had stopped seeing each other for a few minutes and nothing more.

Her hands draw me to her and squeeze me tightly, I feel mine bringing her closer as well , trying to communicate things that I don't know how to express. Trying to make her feel what my 12-year-old self never knew how to express.

But it’s not necessary, in the dream only hours have passed and not a few months (or years).

I distance myself from her and look at her face that reflects my smile. That face unknown to me but that my heart knows is her. I would recognize her in any dream.

Her hand seeks my hand (or is it mine that seeks hers first?) And intertwines our fingers in endless thoughts. My logic knows things that my self does not and, on this earth, I am not allowed to know yet.

With her by my side, the conversation continues as if there hasn't been any kind of interruption. The people around me do not act strangely, even those who cannot theoretically know her do not treat her differently. That we are holding hands does not cause a blink-of an eye from no one.

At one point (or is it hours later? I don't know, the time here behaves differently) I turn to look at her. I know there are a thousand things I want to say, my mind tries to sort the train of thoughts that I would like to follow but it is impossible.

"Can we talk?"

"We need to talk"

A laugh leaves my lips hearing us say it at the same time. I don't know if we were always in perfect sync or it’s something of this context.

"Alone" I hear myself say, referring to the fact that, although we have been talking for hours (o minutes) with the group of people we are, this talk is important and should only be between us two.

She doesn't say anything.

She never does.

She just takes my hand, says goodbye to the others making signs that we have to go. No one ever questions her, not me. They just accept it and we say goodbye as if we were going to see each other tomorrow.

We turn around and walk a couple of steps before I let go of her hand by shoving my hands into my pockets. She just laughs and keeps hers in her coat. The cold is less intense when we walk.

Every now and then my hips thrust into hers as she smiles at me. Hearing her laugh provokes things in me.

"Can we order something?"

"Of course"

I never know the destination, I think that it adapts to the scenario that my mind decided to put on this occasion. Sometimes it’s inside a classroom, other times it’s a bench surrounded by bushes, most of the times is a table in a restaurant, the furthest from everything. But there are always many people and doors to pass before we get there.

When we arrive, we sat down. I feel her gaze on me. The one that she gave me several times, that look that doesn’t express anything but I know that it held many questions, the one that observes me as if trying to guess my next movement or thoughts, as if she wanted to decipher each and every one of my deepest thoughts.

Or so I usually think.

"Let's talk"

"Do you know what we need to talk about?"

"Yes" my voice is confident, without hesitation I try to say it. "About us"

"What about us?"

"You know" you've known all this time. Probably even before me.

"And you too"

Her eyes drift to my lips, her gaze posing for a few seconds before meeting my eyes again. Unconsciously (or maybe it's the most conscious thing I do on this earth) I lick my lips and her eyes follow my movements again.

"Okay, let's talk then"

"Y/N, see you in a minute" ... ... ...

An alarm sounds and ...

Sometimes the chirp of the birds is the first thing I hear, other days it’s the same rain that, as a jealous lover, tears me away from those lands and brings me back to reality. This reality where I know that she is not with me, that we have not spoken in months (or years) and leaves me with this feeling of wanting to know about her.

For 24 years I had the same dream.

For 24 years I never paid attention to that need or that desire to want to know about her, which intensified as time passed. Sometimes months passed before dreaming of her again. Generally it was once a year.

For a long time, I convinced myself that I was not ready to see her, I was not ready to conclude that talk that the land of dreams denied me, always expelling me the moment she pronounces my name and tells me she’ll see me in a minute.

And now...

Now I am here, trying to finish a dream that started and has stayed with me for approximately 8760 days. Right now I'm a phone call away from asking her so many things, but I know it can't be like that yet.

When I looked for her after the last dream, it was because I woke up with a need like I had never felt before. It was not enough get used to the idea that you could be okay, it was not enough the few times I met you in the real world and turned around. It was not enough that time that by chance I found your file in Maria's files and went in to read it just to know that you were okay, and lose it days later. I imagine Hill figured it out.

After this dream and everything that happened with Thanos and the world, I knew that I had to stop being a coward. I looked for you for several days, they say that if you don’t want to be found, you’ll never be found. I tried various sides and people, but I always ran into walls. At some point I thought you were one of the people we lost when the snap happened, but your name was never on those lists. Just when I thought that again it was not written in my destiny to meet you again (and thinking"OK universe, if I should not find her I will understand") ... I found you.

It took me a couple of days to form a message. For a few hours just looking at your file and the number calmed me down, but something inside me demanded more, asked for more. Someone asked me if I was ready to write to you and I always replied that I didn't know. But my soul screamed to write to you, to initiate a contact and, although it took me 3 hours to write those few lines, at the end of the day I did.

"Hey Natasha, I'm Y/N, maybe this message surprises you a bit, but I don't know if it's something crazy or not (it could be), the point is that I've been dreaming about you (for several years now to be honest, always the same dream, never changes). And to be honest I had always left it alone, however, I dreamed of you last week and I woke up with this very strong urge to look for you, stronger after the decimation. Somewhat difficult if I'm honest, you really know how to hide very well Tasha, but finally something pointed me in the right direction and here I am. Anyway. I do not know if you will read this message or even if I will have an answer, I just wanted to know if you were okay, I sincerely hope you are. Y/N "

I convinced myself that was enough. I convinced my mind not to expect anything, that the message was what I needed to calm my soul, that it didn't matter if you didn't see it or even didn't respond to it. Deep, deep inside, I knew I wanted an answer from you. Which one? I don't know, just that I wanted or needed you to answer.

Although the dream was consistent for 24 years, the last two times that I dreamed it, after I wrote to you, dreamland presented me with two more versions, two new “options”. In the first I saw you, (now your physique corresponded with your essence) but I couldn't reach you. I couldn't get close to you. In the second we talk a little, we exchange 4 or 5 sentences, but never alone.

That was right before you answered me in real life:

"Today. 5 pm. Americana cafeteria"

And now ... am I really ready?

I think the answer to that is no.

You are never ready, at least not consciously. I just know that my heart and mind are finally in the same place. Thanos really did a huge number on various people. Including you.

The place she chose is brighter than I thought, for once the storm clouds don't feel as gray or heavy. This time, that halo of light is enough to illuminate our surroundings. We are at a table, there are some cups of coffee in front of us, you watch the rain fall while your hand plays with the handle of the cup, the other is resting on your cheek.

"Y/N I ... I don't know where to start"

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything right now, just ... just let me speak first, please "

"Okay"

You access without problem. I don't know if it was always like this or not, but this time you know I need it. Maybe you also need the time.

“I know exactly what you were or what you are to me. Maybe it took me 24 years to understand it, I think it was more like accepting it. I always wondered why, you know? "

You just look at me, silently asking me what I mean with your eyes. I know deep down you know it. You extend your hand that plays with the cup and took mine. For a moment I take it and play with your fingers. I want to let go but you stop me, like an anchor tying me to this reality.

And maybe that's what he needed.

“I always wondered why it had hurt so much to part with you, why I cried in the afternoons after our fight, why I couldn't just be with you. Was it a bad or forbidden thing to love you the way I did? What was it that the universe or God wanted to avoid that had to separate us? "

"Y/N"

"I know, I know, probably, well no, surely it was a lesson we had to learn though"

Her fingers intertwine with mine, one of her fingers caressing my hand, as she always did, instantly calming me down.

“I know who I am and now so many things make sense, God, it's painful to see how they didn't before. Now I understand why my relationships did not work as I thought they should, now I understand why it hurt me so much and why so many years ago I could not face you "

"Surely for the same reasons why it hurt me so much too"

I look into her eyes. Those green irises that haunted me for so many years. Even today they do.

“Telling you that you were very important in my life it’s not all you meant to me. You were my first love you know and, well what can I say so many years later? Now I understand all my feelings towards you, now I understand the intensity and innocence that we had during our relationship. It's true when I tell you that all the years that I spent without you only made me realize how much impact you had on my life. They say that the first love is never forgotten and you know what? It's true. It's so fucking true "

“I know, I couldn't forget you either. I think at some point, you became like this ghost or this shadow that did not went away from me. I guess that's why I couldn't look for you after leaving ... "

Her voice cuts out. There's no need to talk about why she unexpectedly left Ohio that day. When I entered S.H.I.E.L.D and after hearing Barton tell your name to Fury, I decided to hack the system and find out about you. Those skills were what led me to join the agency, so I thought it would be something easy. In the end I did it, but it took me a while to do it until that day I found your file in Hill's archives.

“To be honest, I was able to accept that recently. That you had been my first love. So many years I lied to myself trying to justify that I only saw you as a friend, what a fool I was "

"Silly no detka, you just weren't ... we weren't ready"

"Could be"

“I can definitely tell you that I know I felt things for you too, I can't cover the sun with a finger, but for obvious reasons I couldn't look for you and then I couldn't dare to look for you, not after everything I had done and with so much red in my ledger. I always thought of you thou, I wondered what become of your life. I guess I don't think I was ready either and with various things happening in my life ... Now, I also understand several things. I forgive you for not looking for me that night, I understood that it was something that was not in our hands"

I lightly squeeze her hand and look at her. Slowly I turn my gaze to her eyes and there it is, again, trying to decipher what is going through my head, as if trying to prepare or anticipate something. Unconsciously I moisten my lips with my tongue.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything"

"What was I, for you?"

“A watershed in my life. A pending chapter "

I don't know if it's what I expected or not. I don't even know what I wanted to hear, but her words carry a lot of weight for me. I look at our hands again, I see slowly how her other hand covers them, as if she wanted to protect them.

PENDING.

The word overwhelms me more than I ever thought. It puts me in this state of nervousness, ecstasy, uncertainty, happiness. Of everything and nothing at the same time.

Pending. Without resolving.

Pending. Unfinished.

Pending.

PENDING.

“I know you are gay. And there were so many things between us that it would be absurd of me to try to put you inside a label or a box. You were many things to me. I've learned that you don't need a label to feel comfortable with yourself"

She stared into my eyes as I shot her a glance, lightly squeezing her hands.

I'm here.

I'm with you.

You are with me.

You are here.

"Did you ever wonder what would have happened?"

"If you had stayed?"

She can only nod her head while looking away.

"Several times. More than I would like to admit. You?"

"Every time I thought of you"

Her hands release mine and take the forgotten cup of coffee with a slow sip. I look at my warm and dark coffee, the waves caused by the movement come and go.

"I want you to be free"

Her gaze turns doubtful, intriguing even. She leaves the cup on the table.

“You said that at one point I became a ghost or shadow. I don't want to continue being that. I want you to be free. You are too important to me and I want you to be happy. Really"

"You say it like this is the last time I will see you"

There it is. The easy way out, the conclusion of many things. If I say goodbye and get up of this chair, I will end this chapter. I can get on with my life.

But...

"It is not"

"Then?"

Her gaze seeks mine, that gaze equal to that of 24 years ago where I promised my life and she promise she would never lave. That look full of so many insecurities and fears. That look that deep down we know that we would break our promises and break both our hearts.

But this time I have the power of decision in my hands. This time I am in control.

“It’s obvious that we have a strong connection. And I think the way we ended things, that unfinished chapter, where we were and at the age we were, influenced us to unconsciously drag things along and follow us through life. So I want to free you and get rid of those ghosts"

"Y/N, what are you trying to say?"

“I want us to leave the luggage that we dragged behind. I don't want you to be my one that got away”

"Please be clear"

Clear. That word resounds like thunder fallen within the enclosure and is transformed into five simple words.

what do you want?

I want... I want... I want...

I WANT.

I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.

"I want to be with you. I want to see where this connection can take us and I definitely want to know you with the intention of being your girlfriend. I want to try this. Give us a chance to be a couple. Really"

"Detka" her words stay there. I take both of her hands between mine and lift them resting my elbows on the table.

"I know. I know there are a thousand things to fix, okay? I know. But precisely for that reason, with all the more reason we should do it. It’s clear to me that we both started with a light luggage that over the years became a mega suitcase. At least that's how it was with me ”.

"Same with me"

I smile slightly.

“I know we are not the same people we were at twelve, we have to get to know each other again. For my part I have forgiven what I had to forgive of you and myself. It took me 24 years to understand and accept it and I don't want 24 more years to go by. I'm tired of running and forcing things that I didn't understand why they didn't work. I will never be ready, whatever way I think it to be. I know that there is a great risk in all this, I know the world is in chaos and the mission to find the gems has not been easy”

Her gaze does not seem surprised at this confession.

"And still you want ... but why?"

"Because it's you. As simple as that"

Probably simple wasn't the word she expected.

There are so many complications and logical reasons to run to the other side. Definitely none of this fit with my plan to find her again, but what would life be like if all our plans went according to what we idealized?

It's so fucking ironic.

But so simple to understand.

And so, so simple.

Suddenly everything made sense.

“Sorry if it took me so many years to find you, but here I am in front of you. Closing all the past and setting us free from it. Here I am, ready to give myself to you completely. To meet us and take the opportunity. I think neither you nor I need a conventional love and let's be honest, we probably don't make sense, but don’t you wanna stop asking what if? I know that I prefer to find out"

She doesn’t say anything. For a few moments my anxiety begins to take over me. I try to count the seconds and focus on my breathing. Her hand in mine is sufficient anchor to the present.

"I am"

"You are?"

"Yes detka" There is her laugh again. The one that caused butterflies in my stomach so many years ago and today causes them elsewhere.

"Like you said, if I'm here and you're here, why don't we try?"

Four words that make it all seem simple, but probably not, but what the fuck does it matter now? The universe screamed at me many times that I should look fir her, it tried to teach me the lesson very early but my stubborn self was probably opposed to accepting the truth.

Natasha Romanoff was my first love, the first person I ever innocently loved, the first person who made me question myself. She was the first to break my heart (and the first heart I broke)

And now, after so many years, I have found her again.

I feel a slight squeeze in my hands and Natasha stands up. Before I can question anything, her lips steal mine in a kiss that has been waiting for almost 8,760 days. It's everything I could imagine. Her lips move in perfect sync with mine and just when I think it can't be more perfect, her tongue asks for access and I happily oblige.

A vibration on the table interrupts us, Natasha keeps her forehead on mine, eyes closed, savoring the moment, with a peck on my lips, she moves away from me and looks at whatever interrupted our moment.

Natasha takes my hand and with a slight tug pulls me to my feet. In reality she is taller than me by about 5 cm. Her eyes search mine.

"Ready to save the world?"

I just nod my head.

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #angst #unbeta'd

127 notes · View notes

ladylookslikeadude1 · 2 years

Note

Hi, OP anon here:) Thank you very much for answering my prompt, it was a very delicious look into the possessive site of Shouta! If you have the time&inspiration to expound on the darker version I would really love to read it <3 Thanks again for taking the time to write these ficlets, they really brightened my day ;-)

Are you guys excited for the new Say You Want Me chapter tomorrow? Because I am! The anon who requested the more possessive Shouta said they'd like to see the darker ficlet that I put to the side in favor of the breakup/makeup ficlet, so here it is! As a fair warning, this is a little darker than what I've previously posted-but nothing that should be triggering for anyone. If it is, let me know and I'll absolutely add whatever tag is needed! Also, in case it needs said, this is not Say You Want Me (Don't Be Nice) related.

Izuku tried to be reasonable. He really did. The first, fifth, even tenth time Shouta had to cancel a date because of either a patrol that went long, or his students, or something, he understood. Every canceled date, every time dinner went cold with him at the table staring at a phone with no notifications, he understood. Or he tried to, at least, and he felt like he succeeded as much as anyone could ask him to. But this was just too much.

“Shouta.” Izuku wanted to break something. “I told you about this six months ago. I reminded you last month, last week, and three days ago. I could not have physically given you more of a heads up than I did.”

His boyfriend sighed, looking exhausted. “Izuku, please. It’s a class reunion. I know it’s important to you, and I’m sorry, but this stakeout is important too.”

Izuku wanted to scream. “Ok,” he said finally, exhausted with the entire situation.

“Izuku.” Shouta’s voice was quiet as he pulled him into a hug. “I really am sorry, I didn’t exactly plan for this to happen.”

“It’s fine,” Izuku said quietly. It wasn’t. It wasn't even close to fine, but he was so tired of trying to convince his boyfriend that he was at least as important as his job.

“Go by yourself,” Shouta encouraged. “I want you to have fun.”

So Izuku did just that. Where he normally would have declined the invite since Shouta couldn’t come, he accepted and went to the reunion. And, to his surprise, he had a blast. Dancing and drinking with his peers, he found an acceptance with them that had been lacking when they were younger-with Izuku far less anxious and more likely to laugh than burst into tears now, he and his old classmates enjoyed each others company for what Izuku was pretty sure was the first time ever.

Eventually, he found himself on a barstool, listening to his old classmate talk about her ex-husband. “Eventually,” she said, looking viciously amused, “He made it so I was happier by myself than I was with him-and what was the point of staying married when I hit that point?”

That question echoed in Izuku’s head as he unlocked his door later that night. Every canceled plan, every cold dinner and ignored request for a day spent together swirled in his head as he shut the door behind himself. He wouldn’t be happy without Shouta. But would he be less unhappy than he was now if they broke up? That was the real question that he needed to answer.

“You’re back late,” Shouta murmured from the couch, something dark in his eyes that Izuku had never seen before.

Glancing at the clock, Izuku hesitated. It was a little past eleven PM, which was later than Izuku normally made it home, but not so late Shouta should be as angry as he seemed. “I was having a lot of fun,” he finally said, slipping out of his shoes and socks and tossing his jacket on the hook. “I didn’t expect you to be here, actually.” It was why he’d drank so much-he’d expected to have the night to himself to be maudlin and grumpy, and then actually make a decision once he’d sobered up.

Shouta’s eyes narrowed. “Oh? Planning on bringing someone back here?” He asked, so lightly Izuku thought he was hearing things for a second.

“I’m sorry, what?” He asked sharply, the anger he normally kept tightly leashed starting to slip from his control.

There was something mean in Shouta’s expression as he tipped his head to the side. “The stakeout ended early,” he said evenly. “I decided to surprise you by meeting up with you at the reunion. Imagine my surprise to see you dancing with people you always said you couldn’t stand. Or,” his voice sharpened as he stood finally, “Listening so intently to a woman talking about how leaving her man was the best thing she could have done for herself.”

Izuku could make an excuse. He could talk about how the woman had needed a friendly ear, how he wasn’t capable of looking disinterested when someone was talking about their problems-but it would be a lie. He’d been lying every time he told Shouta it was ok when something was canceled or the man forgot to call-Izuku was tired of lying.

“She said some things I think I needed to hear,” he said after considering his options.

Shouta had never used his size against Izuku, but the way he stalked over to him, invading his personal space aggressively felt for the first time like he was trying to intimidate Izuku. “Are you thinking about leaving me?” He asked, his voice quiet and furious.

Izuku sighed, moving away from him and farther into the living room. He’d never let the older man intimidate him before, and he wouldn’t start now. “I don’t know Shouta. I’m tired and tipsy, so I’m not in a great place to be making any sort of decision at the moment.” He paused. “But you said, when we first started dating, that all I ever had to do was tell you I was done-that you wouldn’t fight me on it if that was what I decided. Is that still the case?” Izuku was honestly curious, because with how angry Shouta was it didn’t seem like it anymore.

Shouta reached out and threaded his fingers through Izuku’s gently. “No,” he said quietly. “That’s not the case at all.” He tugged Izuku closer, using his free hand to brush Izuku’s hair out of his face as he kissed him sweetly on the mouth. “You’re mine,” he said softly.

Izuku sighed, pulling back. He’d heard that before, along with promises to make more time for him that never actually panned out. “When you say something so often, it eventually loses its meaning,” he said drily, tugging his hand free. “Have you eaten?” He was pretty well done with this conversation at this point.

“Izuku.”

He’d never heard that tone from Shouta before, so he turned immediately and was caught by the flatly furious look the man leveled at him. “Shouta,” he returned after a moment, too tired to try to parse what his boyfriend meant this time.

“Are you really thinking about leaving me because I couldn’t go to this reunion?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets with a scowl.

Izuku leaned against the doorway. “I’ll tell you what,” he said. “If you can tell me when the last time you and I had an uninterrupted evening together was, I’ll apologize for even considering it.”

And he waited. Watching Shouta’s face, he saw him go from confused and slightly irritated, to concerned, and finally to a little bit horrified.

“I can’t even remember the last time we spent uninterrupted time together was, let alone an entire evening,” Shouta murmured after a long moment. “I…didn’t realize it had been so long.”

Sighing, Izuku told him, “I’ve asked you so many times to just make some time for me. But there’s just no room for me in your life.” He paused. “You keep saying I’m yours, and maybe I am. But I’m yours like a toy that you put up on a shelf, refusing to let anyone touch, and forgot about until you realize it’s been years since you’ve even looked at it.” He shrugged then. “I’m tired of trying to make myself fit into your life Shouta, when I don’t see you making the same effort. I’m just done.”

It was a relief to admit it. The idea had been slowly forming for months at this point, and hearing the exhausted woman tonight admit that leaving a man who didn’t make her life better had been the best choice for her had been the push he’d needed to finally admit to himself that he just wasn’t willing to try anymore.

“No.” Shouta’s voice was perfectly calm, as if he was talking about the weather.

“No?” Izuku repeated, puzzled. “I-you don’t get to tell me that I’m not done, Shouta. That’s not really how this works.”

Shouta moved closer, silent and predatory. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, “That I’ve made you feel like this. I’m sorry that I haven’t been paying enough attention to what’s going on in our relationship.” His eyes were dark as he reached out and pulled Izuku close again. “But you have my complete, undivided attention now,” he said quietly, fingers digging in slightly to Izuku’s hips.

“I don’t need your undivided attention,” Izuku said slowly. He was pretty sure there was something he was missing here, but Shouta was acting so out of character that he just couldn’t put his finger on what was off. “I just wanted you to make some time for me. And I don't’ know what could make this time so different than every other time you’ve said you’ll do better and then two days later you’re five hours late without a single text letting me know our plans have changed.”

Shouta hummed, maneuvering them over to the couch and sitting down, pulling Izuku down onto his lap. “You’ve never threatened to leave before,” he pointed out.

Izuku paused. “I…don’t want you to feel like this is an ultimatum,” he said. Shouta didn’t react well to ultimatums at all, and while Izuku would never be afraid Shouta would harm him physically he didn’t want to deal with the anger that came from ultimatums. “That’s not what this is.”

“I know,” Shouta soothed, gentling the fingers digging into Izuku’s hips and instead cupping his hip while running his thumb over Izuku’s hip bone. “You’ve never played those sorts of games, I didn’t think you would start now. But you threatened to leave, and I saw you dancing with that man at your reunion looking like you were having more fun than I’ve seen you have in a while. And then you were talking to the woman who was talking about how she was happier after leaving her husband…” Shouta trailed off.

Izuku leaned against him, unable to hold himself stiff and still when Shouta was so warm and inviting right behind him, still rubbing soothing little circles on his hip. “I love you so much,” he sighed, “But I don’t know if I can try again. I’ve tried so many times.”

“I’ve made it hard on you,” Shouta agreed, hooking his chin on Izuku’s shoulder. “I can make you happy Izuku, I just need you to try one more time. Because I won’t let you go. I can’t. You’re mine,” he repeated, breath brushing against Izuku’s ear. “I’ve neglected you, but I don’t do that anymore. One more time,” he requested.

Letting out a shuddery little noise, Izuku shook his head slightly. “I don’t think I can Shouta.”

“Well,” he said thoughtfully, making Izuku freeze at his completely reasonable tone. “You could go ahead and leave me. And then I could go behind you ruining the life of everyone who thinks they have a chance with you-starting with the man you were dancing with tonight.” His tone had slid from totally reasonable to slightly vicious by the time he stopped speaking.

Izuku was completely still. He should feel trapped, he knew. He should be considering options to seriously walk away and protect himself-but honestly? He felt wanted in a way he hadn’t for months at this point, and it made heat pool in his stomach.

“Ok,” he breathed out. “One more time Shouta.”

The other man tumbled Izuku onto the couch, landing on top of him with one hand bracing him above Izuku. “One more time,” Shouta agreed, and their kiss tasted like victory.

#my writing #my fanfiction #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero academia fanfiction #my hero academia fanfiction #aizawa shouta/midoriya izuku #possessive behavior #possessive Aizawa Shouta

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kadhis-stuff · 3 years

Text

You can’t keep a secret forever

Summary: How is a woman supposed to tell her husband, who has been married to her for almost 7 years now, that she can read minds? That she has been able to since the first moment they met?

This is a gift for @nonokoko13! (AO3 link). I hope you enjoy it! Here’s my little contribution to the Damianya part of the fandom :)

Anya’s unstoppable right foot shook so hard that the dining table moved to her tune, causing a metallic sound from the table legs hitting the floor. Her hands joined forming a fist that was holding her chin. She was staring at the ceiling of her house, looking for some inspiration on what to do. As if the ceiling tiles were an almighty god with all the answers willing to share with mere mortals.

Anya was concerned. A concerned 26-year-old woman. A concern police officer in these peaceful times. She never told anyone about this. Not even her parents. It was an intrinsic part of herself. It grew to be normal on her. Part of what defines what Anya Forger-Desmond is.

How is a woman supposed to tell her husband, who has been married to her for almost 7 years now, that she can read minds? That she has been able to since the first moment they met?

What people has always said about her is that she is a very perceptive person. And as the years went by, she got better at hiding it. No one has been able to hide a secret from her for long. And that is something that, today, was making Damian miserable.

Damian decided that this year was going to be the year. He will blow her mind with the most astonishing surprise ever. He will prove to her that he still has it, after all these years of marriage. For her to remember the feeling of being on the lookout and not knowing what to expect. The knowledge of something coming her way without a clue of what might that be.

Two things were wrong with Damian’s assumptions. First, he has never, ever, surprised her. Not on purpose at least, not by planning something out. He shouldn’t need to prove that he still has anything in that regard. And secondly, she doesn’t know how it feels to be non-puzzled because people usually think about the surprises while they are being planned or revealed. She hasn’t figure it out a way to put a spoiler alert tag on people, so she just deals with it.

Why was Damian getting so frustrated about this lately?

The worst part is that his poker face is too good. There are times in which she knows what Damian is truly thinking just because she can read his mind. Instead, she is an open book.

Faking surprise? Yeah, that has never worked out for her before.

After faking a face, she is always hit by the thoughts “Oh, she saw it coming” “She knew about it” “Surely Becky told her” “Surely Damian told her” “Am I this bad at lying?”

His husband was feeling insecure and he did not tell her, she knows it because she is able to read. His. Mind.

What to do? What to do?

She growled at the ceiling tiles.

She truly thought she was going to be able to take this secret to her tomb. She never told Mama and Papa, and the only one that -probably- knew it, was Bond.

She took a sip of the hot chocolate she prepared to help herself think. Why did she decide to keep it a secret from them all these years?

Right. That night. When she was just an 8-year-old.

~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V

She had the popcorn’s bowl in her lap. Mama was on her right, watching the movie. Papa was on her left, reading a book. Bond was lying in front of her, eyes closed, unfazed by the fighting sounds coming from the TV. It was the latest Spy Wars movie. One of the bad guys had the ability to read minds with a machine.

Loid and Yor already knew about each other secret lives and after a bit dramatic fight, they accepted each other identities and decided to live together after all. Which made possible for Anya to live a real life with them. And she was pondering the possibility to tell them. To also come clean of secrets. For them to be the first people in her life to know. So, she gathered courage, her hands forming fists and asked with the most casual tone she could gathered “Isn’t that cool?”

“What, Anya?” Asked Yor cocking her head with closed eyes and her always gentle smile, who was paying attention to the movie.

“Being able to read minds”. No, she cannot do it. Oh shit, she was already doing it. Panic. She ate a handful of popcorn at once. Swallowed it quickly to continue. “What do you think about that?”

Loid was the first to reply, in his detached matter-of-fact way of speaking, so serious and yet so smooth “Well, even if it is certainly an advantage it might be dangerous. It seems that the machine could blow out at any minute now”

Not the answer she was hoping. Anya wanted to divert the attention from the movie. Was Papa even paying attention to it? He was supposed to be reading. “But think about it in real life” she took her mother’s hand. She wanted to ask ‘what if I was the one reading minds’ but she was too scared to hear the answer, so she said the next thing she thought about. “What if mama were able to read our minds all the time?”

“M-Me?” A soft pink colored her cheeks, and she gave it a thought. “It could be a little tiring I guess, not being able to focus on my own mind because everybody is thinking around me”

That was an accurate way to describe it. Although Anya was getting better at handling it.

“It will probably be weird for the people around her.” Her father got her attention in a second, now we were talking. “I wouldn’t be able to look Yor in the eyes the same way again.”

“Why?” And her voice was probably a pitch higher than before.

“If a person can read your mind, they will know you better than anyone else. They will know what you think even if it is not what you chose to say, so they will not only know the person you want to be or the one you are trying to become, but they will know the true you. And that is something terrifying somehow. Not all people will be able to handle that.”

“Will you get away from mama if she was able to read minds?”

“No, I don’t have secrets from Mama anyway”

But Anya could read minds. And she knew what Loid’s real answer was. She still tried one more time.

“And you Mama, will you stay with Papa even if he was able to read your mind?”

“Of course, sweetheart”

But the devasting truth was that both were terrified of the idea. And although they didn’t directly think “yes, I will leave”, they both imagined multiple situations in which they would rather die from shame than letting the counterpart know their deepest secrets.

“I see” was all that Anya was able to say, while shrinking more into the couch.

“Why are you making that face Anya?” Yor asked, hugging her shoulders with one hand. “Nobody is able to read minds, so you don’t need to worry about it”.

But she did worry about it. Because at the short age of eight, she swore to herself to never reveal her deepest secret to anyone. It was something bad. It was something to be ashamed of. Anya would rather die than letting anybody know about it and let them treat her differently because of it.

~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V

But here she was. Pondering her options. Because maybe the truth was what Damian needed right now. Maybe he could be the first. Maybe she could trust him to not destroy her feelings with utter rejection.

Two weeks ago, Becky invited her for lunch and, as usual, she was telling her about the latest sweetheart she was dating. The conversation ended up shifting to Damian and Anya’s long-term relationship. This year they were going to celebrate the 7 years anniversary.

“There’s a saying, you know?” said Becky casually, taking the dessert spoon when the waiter brought her ‘Golden Opulence’ sundae. “If a marriage remains together after seven years, they will be together forever.”

“Non-sense, there wouldn’t be divorces after 10 years then.”

“I mean it, Anya. It’s called The Seven Year Itch”

Anya rolled her eyes and started to eat her own dessert. “And what’s supposed to happen on the 7th year?”

“Monotony. Love ends. People get bored. They feel like the compatibility is no longer there. That the other person just ‘don’t get it’ anymore.”

The last part caught Anya’s attention. Why was that ringing a bell on her head?

And then she remembered all the times along the year that Damian tried to do different things for her, which all ended up in a frustrated husband.

Could Damian fear they were not compatible anymore?

Anya face twisted like an open book to Becky.

“How is it going with Damian, Anya?” She had concern in her eyes. And Anya knew it was real concern. Becky took her hand over the table “Everything ok at home?”

“Yeah,” she tried to dismiss it with a smile “everything is fine”

But hey, she was friends with Becky for over 20 years now. And Anya did not really know how to lie to save her life.

Becky insisted.

“Okay, well, there might be something” twirling her fingers in rounds, looking to the ground pouting, Anya mumbled indescribable words to Becky before finally saying it: “I think Damian is a bit concern about the fact that he can’t surprise me”

“Nobody can surprise you. You are too good at reading people. And a terrible liar.”

“And he has known about it for years now!” Yes Becky, agree with her. It was not her fault. It was not her fault. “It shouldn’t be that big of a deal, right?”

“Then why do you think he is concerned about that?” Becky was confused.

Because she knew.

A couple days back, Damian got up earlier to cook her favorite breakfast and took it to her bed. But Anya knew that it was going to happen before hand because he bought and hid the ingredients the day before, so she did her best sleepy surprised expression and started to eat.

Damian’s thoughts were loud in his head “Loser. I cannot even surprise her when she is half asleep. Nothing works”

But he did not tell her that, instead, he kissed her forehead and walk out of the room with the excuse of meeting his brother early that day. Lie. He just wanted to be out of there. Away from her.

Anya replied: “He told me he feels bad because he can’t surprise me, I just want him to know that it is not his fault”

“Well, there’s a limit on how perceptive a person can be. I had surprise you before. It’s hard, yes, but possible. It might be kind of his fault” Actually, Becky surprised her on a moonless night.

“It is not” Anya hit her head into the table with a defeated expression on her face “I need him to understand that”.

She can only get surprised on moonless days. But how to explain it without telling the truth?

And here she was.

Thinking.

Considering.

Pondering.

Did it worth the risk?

She was so deeply scared about how hard she wanted to tell him. How hard she wanted to trust him. To believe he will love her no matter what. She has known Damian since he was 6 years old. She knows how good or bad he can be. The deepest secrets of his heart. What makes him happy even if he has never openly said so. There is no human being that she knows better than him.

Damian was certainly going to panic.

But will he overcome it? Accept it?

She was so scared that she picked today, a moonless day, to do so. She wasn’t strong enough to hear the rejection coming from him. Her heart wouldn’t handle it. No matter if he later thinks twice about it and accept it. She couldn’t stand the idea of hearing him fear her.

She heard the doorknob opening and her mind went blank, her back ran cold and her hands got sweaty. Was it right? Would it help him to know? Would it make it worst? She doesn’t know.

“I’m home”

He immediately noticed the distressed on his wife. “Is everything alright?”

“No” elbows on the table, she just holds her forehead with her fists. Eyes closed “Can you please take a sit? We need to talk”.

Damian did as requested, showing a hint of concern in his face.

Although a part of Anya appreciated the silence for her to gather her thoughts in order, the other part wanted to peek into Damian’s head and see what he was thinking.

“I know you have been mad a lot lately”.

She looked at him right in the eyes. It seemed to take him aback.

“Me? Mad? About what?” He deviated his gaze quickly, as if looking for a better answer. He was also a terrible liar, somehow.

“About the fact that you can’t surprise me”

Damian’s eyes turned sad, avoiding her gaze he just stared at the table. “Am I that much of an open book to you?”

“No- Yes. Err, something like that”

Still avoiding her gaze, he moved his eyes to the window next to them. “I’m sorry for not being able to do the same for you”

She took his hand over the table; he was still refusing to look at her.

“Damian, please look at me”

She squeezed his hand. He finally did.

“There’s something important I need to tell you. It might sound crazy, but it is the truth. And I’m terrified of telling you. Nobody” and she repeated the word with all the emphasis she could gathered in her voice “Nobody, knows about this. It is my most guarded secret and I swore to myself that I will take it to my tomb”

That got Damian’s attention. Momentarily forgetting how shitty of a husband he was feeling lately.

“I love you, Damian. And I trust you” she was scared. So scared that Damian’s hand was wet with her sweat now. “And I will tell you”

This is it. She will say it. Her heart was beating faster than ever. She was going to reveal her deepest secret.

“The reason why neither you nor anyone can’t surprise me is because…”

Silence. She bits her lip. She cannot face him. She stops to stare at his eyes and lowers her gaze.

“Because…”

Damian squeezes her hand softly this time, encouraging her to talk.

She sighs. Shuts her eyes harder. Takes a big breath and hold it for a couple seconds, until finally releasing it, talking as fast as she could “BecauseICanReadMinds”

Damian asks her to repeat herself, slowly this time.

“Because I can… read minds”

Of course, Damian doesn’t believe it. He drops her hand and stand up from the table. So much mystery and expectation for a joke. He was truly feeling bad about it and Anya wanted to do one of the weird jokes in an honestly bad time.

Damian was feeling insecure. He heard about the Seven Year Itch at work early that year. And he realized that without space for doubts Anya was the person that knew the most about him. But did he know about her the same way? Did he pay enough attention? And what about the relationship? Was he getting monotonous? Will Anya look for other men that can provide her the excitement she so dearly appreciates in her life? How much can she stand his own inaptitude?

So yeah, Damian is pretty pissed off. He gives her his back and walks towards the bedroom for some cooling off time.

“I’m telling the truth!” he hears her say.

He stops on his track and looks at her sideways. “Yeah? What am I thinking right now?”

She feels like stabbed. She didn’t think he was going to assume it was a lie. She was worried about a bunch of other scenarios. “I don’t know! It doesn’t work on days without moon!”

“How convenient. Should I assume today is a New Moon day?”

Damian was already reaching the shared bedroom when Anya took his hand to stop him. Once he entered the room, he was going to shut the door and keep her out for a couple hours until to cool down. He always did it when he was truly pissed off. She knows it and doesn’t want to let him do it. Because once he cools off, she could get cold feet and now that she has resolved to tell him, she did not want to brush it off as a joke or something like that.

“Damian, look at my eyes”

He ignored her.

She took his head with one hand and made him face her. “Look at me”

He finally did.

“I’m telling you the truth. I am adopted. People did things to me when I was a kid, in a lab. I can read minds since I am 3 years old. I had read your mind since the first time I met you. Every day. Except on days when there’s no moon in the sky”

And Damian does know something about his wife. She cannot lie to him to save his life. That is why even if she has tried to act surprised for years, he has always known when she was faking it. He thought it was because she pitied him. He was bad at surprises, and because he couldn’t properly catch her off guard, she fakes it. What Anya was just saying…? Could it be true?

“Why are you telling me this on the day you can’t prove it?”

“Because I’m terrified on what you might be thinking about me.” After saying that, she broke the eye contact with him “I do not want to hear your rejection.” She lets his hand loose “I might still hear it tomorrow, because you can’t trick your own thoughts. I will know the truth. But I couldn’t do it today.”

Damian knows with certainty; he does love his wife. He has loved her for many years now and undoubted he will do it for many years to come. He could not stand watching her like this. It broke his heart. He holds her in a tight hug.

The moment he hugged her Anya started to cry. He spoke softly into her ear “What you are telling me right now is so nonsensical, absurd. Crazy. But I want you to know that no matter what, I love you. And I won’t reject you even if you were an alien from another planet”

Her shuddering sobs started to calm down “Even if I came from Pluto? It is not a planet.”

“Even then, Anya”

She holds him tight “I am sorry”

“About what”

“Being unable to fake my surprise face and making you sad about it”

He removed a tear from her cheek before placing a small kiss on her lips “I preferred it that way. That makes me enjoy more when I see you genuinely surprised. Maybe that’s why I try so hard.”

They stood there for a while, in a comfortable silent hug.

“So how does it work?” He asked.

“Well, I can hear what you think in front of me. If I concentrate enough, I can hear a specific person several feet away”

“Can you know something about a person that is not actively thinking it in that moment?”

“Like look into a person’s memories?”

“Yeah”

“No, I can’t. Just what they are thinking at that time.”

“I see”

Silence again.

Damian broke it, again. Flustered this time “So you have been able to read my mind all this time?”

“Yes”

“W-were you able to read it when I was thinking of kissing you for the first time?”

“Every time until you finally did it” She laughs.

Damian was full red-faced at this point “Did you also read it on Becky’s 18th birthday party?”

Anya’s cheeks dyed pink at the memory “Y-Yeah”

This time Damian covered his face with both of his hands. “Did you read it on our wedding?”

“No” That got him out of the ashamed-zone for a second.

“Why?”

“I ensure it was on a moonless day. I didn’t want to get myself overwhelmed by all the guest’s thoughts on such special day”

Silence.

“That makes sense”

“Yeah”

More silence.

“So, you can’t read them today even if you try hard?”

“Not a single word”

He nods with his head.

“I think I get it”

“Are you not like… feeling weird?”

“Yes, I am”

“… Would you have preferred for me to not tell you never about this?”

He denied with his head “Thank you for telling me, it must have been hard”

“Not even my parents know”

“Really?”

“Really”

Anya didn’t need to read his head to know that he was feeling pretty cocky about it. It was painted all over his face.

More silence.

Out of the blue, Damian started to laugh. He brushed his hair with his fingers and looked at her with sparkles in his eyes.

“I swear I will surprise you this Christmas”

She laughs.

“And how are you going to do that?”

“Now that I know how you do it, I will train myself from here to December. I will need your help, though”

“I will gladly help”

She smiled.

“I love you”

He smiled.

“I love you too”

She figured it out it was okay to tell him the other secret not even her parents knew. If we are coming clean, we are coming clean about everything.

“You know… I am also two years younger. I lied about my age for my papa to adopt me.”

Damian thought about it for several minutes. Face full red again once he talked.

“Y-You were sixteen on Becky’s party!?”

~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V

After that day back in August, they set up a calendar on the fridge door marking the moonless days. The day after “the talk”, Damian spent all morning having a talk to her. Or more like, keeping his mouth shut while she was keeping the conversation out loud with Damian playing with the fact that he can hold a conversation with her without pronouncing a single word.

It had been fun, somehow, watching Damian adapt to his new life over the months.

He soon realized Anya probably knew about all the people he had wanted to kill at some point. She also knew when he thinks about another woman being pretty. She totally knew when he lied to her about enjoying some new food she cooked. She knew when he was being mean with people in his head without reason.

He sometimes forgets and still lies to her. Then, he gets self-conscious about the fact she already knows the truth and apologize for lying.

He has also caught her off guard and surprised her already a couple times. The trick is to think about literally anything else near her and plan the surprises when she is not close by. A bit more difficult, but definitely more gratifying.

She knew all the good and all the bad that was in his mind, and after seeing everything she still loved him. She has always known, since he was a child, and after all this time she was not only still his friend but accept him as a partner to spend her life with.

How can he ever have doubts about her feelings again? How if she already knew everything about him and accepted him as he is?

Is it fair to be blessed in this life with the sincere and absolute love of a person that truly knows you?

For Anya, the feeling was mutual. The first weeks she cried of happiness almost every day. Damian didn’t leave her. He accepted it. Looked for ways to make it work. Embraced it as a challenge to surpass together. As a team.

~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V

On the Christmas day Anya woke up with an alarm’s sound coming from Damian’s side of the bed. She tried to move him to shut it off, but she just found an empty space next to her. A note left in his pillow. She opened her eyes and started to read it with a sleepy face, after shutting the damn thing off.

“Anya,

I’m sorry I was not there to kiss you a good morning today. I needed the alarm so you could eat your breakfast while it was still hot. Please get out of the bed and go to the kitchen. There’s a surprise waiting for you there”

Anya’s smile was big in her face. What? She was enjoying the fact that she had zero clues about this.

She didn’t put shoes on and went out of the bedroom in a second, to the kitchen. The first thing she noticed in the hallway was the strong smell of roses.

The image that welcomed her left her speechless. There were fresh flowers everywhere and in her seat of the dining table there was a full set of plates and another note.

“There is fruit, fresh baked croissants, fried eggs and bacon. Plenty of orange juice and a big peanut can. You can either finish the peanuts after breakfast or carry them with you along the day for a snack. And because I didn’t want you to eat in silence, please go to take the TV remote and turn it on.”

She took a bite of one of the croissants and did as commanded. A video of recaps of their wedding day played with Bryan Adams’ “I do it for you” acoustic version playing in the background. After certain pictures there was a message.

The first photo in the video was one of Anya entering the church. “The moment I saw you step into the hallway, I cried”. The next one, was a photo of Damian crying in his suit. “Because the only thing that was crossing my mind was that I was the luckiest man in the world. You looked like an angel. The most stunning woman was walking in my direction, to declare to myself and the world that she willingly will spend all her life next to me. You continuously make me the best version of myself, Anya”. A third photo: Anya signing the official documents. “Or that’s what I would probably have been thinking if my brain hasn’t done shortcut at that moment”. The next photo that flashes across the screen was one of both exiting the church holding each other hand. “I swear to you I couldn’t think of anything. My mind was a loop of ‘wow’ until the priest started talking and I then I was forced to focus to remember my vows”.

Anya was shaking. A couple tears were rolling down her cheeks. She got pretty emotional watching the video. Several pictures of the party followed without any more messages until the end of the video. She finished the breakfast and took the peanuts can. A message showed up on the TV: “I know the bed is tempting on a Christmas day without responsibilities. But please go and get yourself ready. It is a sunny beautiful day, what about a walk in the park? Make sure to wear comfortable shoes.”

She went back to the bedroom, took a quick shower and got a pair of jeans, a white t-shirt and her favorite sneakers. On top of them, another note.

“I knew you would pick these ones. They are old Anya, let me give you new ones with the same color and style. Your refusal is non-negotiable this time around.”

Anya laughed, no. She will keep them until they are torn, and her toes shows at the front. What is a little worn shoe sole and colorless sections? She loves those shoes. He gave them to her a few years back, when she broke a heel in a night outgoing and the only opened store only sold sneakers. The note continuous

“A boy selling newspapers will be waiting for you in the park. He’s wearing a red t-shirt”

So, to the park it is.

It was a sunny day indeed. A lot of people with the day off were having a blast with their families, kids playing with dogs, old people playing chest, fathers and mothers teaching her kids how to use a bicycle for the first time. She wanted to be reunited with her family too.

It was easy to find the boy. He was so nervous that his thoughts were louder than the people around him “Pink haired woman, give it only to a pink haired woman that uses old shoes. Pink haired woman.”

“Hello there, are you the newspaper boy I’m looking for?”

He took a quick glance at her shoes and then cleared his throat looking for a newspaper in his bag. “They told me the job-hunting section was filled with important information, agent Peanut.”

Anya smiled. So that is what this is about. “Thank you, have a good day.”

While she was getting away to search for a free bench to sit on, she heard the thoughts of the boy running in the opposite direction “I need to tell the man I already did it”

She opened the newspaper, there was a pen marking the start of the section the boy mentioned. She read over the lines carefully until she noticed the pattern. The same they used in episode 703 of “Spy Wars”. The secret code was easy to decipher. Each line had two dots marking each one a letter. The letter that was in the middle of the two marked ones was the one she needs to mark in a circle. And reading it from bottom to top, she will get the message.

“Train station. 53. Seat 9A.”

Anya closed the newspaper and run towards the train station. Laughing her heart out. Such a fun morning. What was Damian planning to do?! She opened the peanuts can that brought with her and eat a few “Crazy man.”

She found out the train she was supposed to take was going to the city borders. In the seat 9A there was an envelope. She opened it.

“Agent Peanut, we have captured your husband. We will torture him until he reveals your deepest secrets. Do not even try to come to the old peanut’s abandoned factory outside the city where we have our secret liar. Coordinates: 51.08342, 10.423447”

The envelope also had the ticket for the ride. Anya rolled her eyes. Damian loved to make fun of the fact that the villain always gave its secret liar address to the good guys as if screaming “go and get me if you dare”. It was never this painfully obvious in the show. Except on episode 113, the one about ‘Bad-Man and the pâtissier heist’.

The train was already in movement when she heard a voice. “Ticket, please?”

She stared at the man and could hear his thoughts “Pink hair, green eyes”. “Are you Miss Peanut?”

A light blushed enlighten her face. It was ok for the newspaper boy to say it but having a fellow adult calling her that was a bit shameful “Yes”

The man took a backpack from the compartments above her seat. “This is for you”

The man left after marking her ticket, leaving her alone to explore the inside of the backpack. She covered her mouth with her hands. “Oh my god”

There were a couple toy guns with 30 bullets each. A belt to hold them. A water bottle, a black t-shirt, cap and sunglasses. There was also another envelope.

“Hey, don’t you dare abandon me.”

A quick sketch of a Damian tied to a chair saying ‘help’ was on the upper right corner of the paper.

Anya bit her lower lip and whispered the answer to herself: “Never”

She was able to change her clothes before reaching the destination. From the station, it was just a 15 minutes’ walk.

Her heart was beating fast. This was exciting. Damian was giving her surprise after surprise and she was loving it. It wasn’t even a moonless day. How come he did not think about this the previous days? He (his mind) usually won’t shut up whenever there’s a big surprise coming. Now that he knows she can read minds; did he take extra precautions? He on purpose force himself to think about everything but this? He was literally thinking about the Christmas lunch and where to go. Planning dinner with her parents. Was it a trick? Or will they go after this? What is it? She took some things for granted today and thought about the surprise being a gift in a box that she’ll open in the family dinner. This was a thousand times better.

She finally reached her destination. A bunch of voices caught her attention.

“Mister Damian is too sweet” Was one of the female voices.

“At least I’m getting paid twice for working on Christmas” another voice.

“I hope Anya doesn’t get hurt” A third one.

“I should have gotten a bigger breakfast this morning” A fourth one.

How much people did Damian had there?

But suddenly, a voice shut out: “Enemy on sight, enemy on sight!”

An alarm started to ring, and Anya’s heart felt like to explode from the adrenaline.

“Don’t let her go to the second floor!”

So that is where she was supposed to go.

Anya entered through an open window and suddenly a lot of gas started to fill the warehouse. Anya saw that the people inside was armed with the same guns she had in the backpack. She took one from the belt and started to shoot. The people she was shooting started to fall and ‘die’. She ran across the people in the middle of the smoke to the stairs when a big guy was waiting for her like a wall.

Anya was a 26-year-old police officer. She was mildly offended that there was only one guy. She easily passed through him and reached the second floor.

Fifteen-armed (with toys) people were waiting for her. Damian was tied in a chair with a smirk in his beautiful face, thinking for her mind only: “Are you going to rescue me or what?”

But the biggest surprise of all was the villain.

“Uncle Yuri?”

“Oh! You have finally find my liar, Agent Peanut!” he ignored her question, getting full in character “But you are late, your husband refused to give us information, so he is useless now. I have decided that he is going to die in 5 minutes!” A bomb with a clock was chained to Damian’s chest.

“I won’t let you!” She was full on combat mode now. Following the game. “Leave my husband alone! This is between you and me!”

“Soldiers, kill her!”

But Anya was too good. She didn’t stop laughing while fighting with the people they hired for this. When she was finally done with the ‘guards’ she faced her uncle: “Now it is your turn!”

“You think you can take me down in 4 minutes and a half? Keep dreaming! You’ll face your end at the hands of – he sighed and though “I can believe I’m going to say this but agh, whatever” - Bad-Man!” She was 100% sure they stopped the clock for dramatic purposes. Also Uncle Yuri performance, top notch!

Anya run to her uncle and kick him with all her might. He easily blocked it with his hand.

A bunch of kicks and fist fighting followed. Yuri was enjoying it as much as Anya. They trained together many years ago, but after Anya grew up and become a member of the police department, they stopped to have the sessions. There was no particular reason for it, they just didn’t have the time anymore.

So being here fighting each other was like a jump back in time. And Yuri’s eyes get a little bit to shiny and his smile was a bit too big while defending up from her attacks.

Finally, Yuri fell with a dramatic scream when Anya shot him in the chest with the toy gun. (it probably hurt, though. She was mere inches away from him).

There is no way in hell that the fight took less than 10 minutes. But when she run towards Damian the clock has a minute left before the explosion.

She took the tape out of his mouth and dramatically kissed him. “Are you alright?”

“Hurry Anya! The bomb is going to explode any second now!”

“What is the key?”

There was a circular padlock holding the timer. Anya looked around her and run to Yuri’s pockets. Empty.

“Have you seen something that circular today?” Damian asked her.

She tried to read his mind, but all she found was “I won’t tell you. I won’t tell you. I won’t tell you” repeated as a mantra.

35 seconds.

Think Anya, think.

And then it hit her. She opened the backpack and took the peanut can. Could it be?

She pushed the can against the padlock and the timer stopped.

She beamed at Damian with a smile in her face “Take that!”

He was, however, staring at her with a loving gaze “You did it wonderfully”.

She then released him from the chains and hugged him. “I love you so much”

He replied to her with a thought in his head: “No more than how much I love you, Anya. Merry Christmas”

“You, big dork” was all she could say in a voice faltering with love.

“That hurts, Peanut” Yuri’s voice was behind her “No hugs for the boxing bag you just defeat and keep ignoring?”

She turned around and hugged her uncle without saying a word. She then removed a couple traitor tears that escape her eyes. “So, what’s next?”

“The helicopter is waiting for us behind the building.”

“Helicopter?”

“I just wanted you to live the full experience” was her husband reply.

She intertwined his fingers on hers “Thank you for today”

But there was a final surprise.

Damian’s sweet smile was not showing all the embarrassingly intense passionate thoughts he suddenly sent her way about the plans for the rest of the day and night. Anya’s face grew red in an instant. One of the downsides of the new discovered power was that Damian enjoyed making her blush on public. His smile shift to a cocky one once he saw his wife reaction.

“Did you really though my plans ended up after lunch? It is as if you don’t know me at all”

“Well… I do have the rest of my life to do that”

------------------

Hope you like it! Happy holidays!

#damianya #aged-up #spyxfamily #spy x family #sneaky santa exchange #anya forger #damian desmond #my writing

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imanativeofswlondondahling · 3 years

Text

Being A Stark (3)- Peter Parker x Stark!femReader

Word Count: 1852

Warnings: None I think...

Author’s Note: Honestly I love this chapter so much, so I hope you all enjoy it. Let me know your thoughts or if you want to be tagged in the future.

Becoming A Stark || Chapter One || Master List

“Hey kiddo.” Your dad’s voice was the last thing you were expecting to hear while reading A Brave New World to get you ready for when you head off to classes. Technically this was the summer reading and you had already read it for the start of freshman year, but restarting ninth grade seems like a good reason to prepare yourself again. But you almost throw the book across the room at the sound of your dad’s voice.

“Dad?” You set the book aside, flipping it over to hold your place, and stand up to walk over to the bed. “You’re awake.”

“Sure am.” His left hand reaches up to scrub at his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve spent all your free time here.”

“Ok, I won’t tell you then.” You say as you look him over. He’s worse for wear, but you’ve never been so happy to see his eyes open. He reaches his good arm to take your hand.

“I’ve missed you kiddo.”

“I’ve missed you being awake.” You say, knowing he’s talking about the five years you were gone. It still doesn’t feel like you missed all that time, but there’s little things that are different. People’s haircuts, tech updates… Morgan. You have an updated pump coming to the cabin since yours is out of warranty now. “I hear you did it.”

“Mastered time travel to get you back? Yeah I did.” He smiles at you as he takes in the fact that you haven’t changed even though you were gone for five years.

“I meant the closed loop system, but that’s cool too.”

“Oh yeah, that. Did that about a year after the Blip. Figured I’d make sure you came back to something better. Spent the next four years focusing on…” he trails off. “Doesn’t matter. But then Capsicle, Nat, and Pissant show up telling me that they want to try and get everyone back. I couldn’t give up a chance to get you back. Get everyone back.” You sit down on the side of his bed, holding his hand in yours, his thumb running along the ring Pepper had given you for your birthday.

“I met Morgan.” You say and you see worry and joy both wash over his face.

“What do you think?”

“Well she took me by surprise. The whole Blip made everything feel like not even a day had passed. So having a five year old sister? That wasn’t something I was expecting. But she’s a pretty great kid.”

“She reminds me a lot of her older sister.” Tony says with a smile.

“I should let Dr. Cho know you’re awake. And Mo- Pepper.”

“Hold on a second.” His good hand holds onto yours. “What’s with this calling Pep by her name and not Mom?” You shrug, not wanting to voice your thoughts. “Come on. Spill. Talk to your old man about it all.”

“She’s got her own kid now. It’s different.” You shrug again, feeling unable to fully explain that you don’t feel like your mom will want you anymore now that Morgan is here.

“Y/N, she was just as upset as I was when you Blipped. Even more upset when she found out she was pregnant and you weren’t going to get to be there when Morgan was born. You’re her kid too. There is no not wanting you just because Morgan is in the picture now too. Same goes for me. We both love both of you equally. Our little misses are just going to have to get used to sharing their mom and dad.” His hand tightens on yours. “Now I don’t think I’m supposed to be moving a ton, so you’re either going to have to come here so I can hug you or I’m going to break a lot of rules, because I’ve waited for five years to hug my kid.” You smile at him before diving towards your dad. Your arms wrap around him, careful of the arm that is just laying there, and you hold onto him. His good arm wraps around your back, holding you to him. “This is what I missed the most while you were gone.” He says before kissing your cheek.

“I hear you hugged Peter.”

“I may have.”

“So does this mean you accept my boyfriend now?”

“If he makes you happy, I will put up with him.”

“Good.” You place a kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to grab Dr. Cho and call Mom.”

“You don’t have to go anywhere.” He says holding onto your hand, stopping you from getting up. “FRIDAY, tell Doc I’m awake.” You roll your eyes at not thinking about using FRIDAY. “Kiddo, you better know I’m not going to let you go very far for a while now. I spent five years without you.”

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” You pull your phone out and shoot a message to your mom about Tony being awake. She’s only upstairs, using the kitchen in what used to be the apartment you lived in to make Morgan and you some lunch. “Did you know I have to restart ninth grade? I have to take Biology and Chemistry all over again and I’m going to die.” You say dramatically.

“I’ll be there every step of the way. Peter and I’ll make sure you pass. Just like last time.”

“I was barely passing last time.”

“But you already have the head start of having taken the first half of the semester.”

“That means nothing.” You say before another voice comes into the room.

“Daddy!” Morgan climbs up on the bed on his other side and gives him a big hug. “You slept longer than when I was sick.” She stares Tony down as if asking him to explain himself. She’s leaning away from his marked up arm, although most of it is covered by his hospital gown and the sling.

“I was really tired Morgana. Will you forgive me?” She nods her head before looking over at you.

“Daddy, Y/N came back like you said she would.”

“She did, didn’t she?” Tony smiles at his youngest, wanting to reach out with his right hand to push her hair back, but it’s currently trapped in a sling and not wanting to do anything.

“She played Barbies with me yesterday. She’s much better at it than you are.” Morgan states as if it’s a fact. “You should have come back sooner.” She says to you.

“I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I think Dad might get mad if I do.” You stage whisper the last part to her. She shakes her head.

“He won’t get mad. He would just be really sad. He always got sad when he talked about you.”

“She’s got you there kiddo. I would miss you a lot if you left again.” Pepper sits next to Morgan, a hand drifting to place itself on Tony’s leg, needing to touch him.

“Hey.” Tony says, looking at Pepper. “Your eyes are red. Few tears for your long lost boss?” Tony smirks at her as if it’s an inside joke that you and Morgan won’t understand.

“If you ever do that again… I won’t be looking for a new job. I’ll be looking for a new husband, you understand that?”

“I missed the wedding?” You can’t help but interrupt. You should have caught it when Peter called her Mrs. Stark, but now you’re realizing what happened. Pepper turns from looking at your dad to looking at you.

“You didn’t really miss much. We eloped.” She explains.

“Wanted to be married before a certain miss, but didn’t feel right doing a whole big ceremony when all the important people would be missing.” Tony adds.

“Couldn’t have a wedding without my maid of honor.” Pepper smiles at you. “So now that you’re back, guess we can do a vow reunion or a real wedding or something.”

“Wait you’re serious? Me? Maid of honor?” You stumble over the words not fully believing what your mom was saying.

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I have my daughter be my maid of honor?”

“Because you want someone older to do it?”

“If there’s going to be a wedding can I be the flower girl?” Morgan interrupts.

“Of course you can.” Tony reaches over to ruffle Morgan’s hair as Pepper comes to sit next to you.

“There is no one I would rather as my maid of honor than you.” She wraps an arm around you. “You’re the only one I can trust to make everything perfect. Honestly the only people that have to be at the wedding are you, Tony, and Morgan. Anyone else who is there is just a bonus. That’s why we couldn’t have the wedding without you.”

“I understand that. I just... I’m fifteen. You want a fifteen year old as your maid of honor? You could have anyone in the whole world. You could have one of the Avengers.” You point out.

“I could. But I want my daughter. And she’s back. So let’s plan a wedding.” She places a kiss on your cheek. “Sound good Maid of Honor?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“So I hear our patient is wide awake now.” Dr. Cho’s voice comes from the door.

“What’s the diagnosis Doc? How soon can you break me out of here?” Tony asks.

“Got to run a few tests, but I would say hopefully next couple days?” Dr. Cho looks at all the people sitting with Tony. “I may have to ask a few people to get off the bed so I can look you over.”

“Lunch was basically ready upstairs. How about the girls and I go eat and we’ll be back after?” Pepper suggests trying to get out of Dr. Cho’s hair.

“I’ll take Morgan upstairs. You stay with Dad.” You suggest. You know Pepper will want to know what’s going on anyway. This makes more sense. “You can come join us for lunch after the tests.”

“Ok.” You stand from the bed, stick your bookmark in your book you had forgotten about, before reaching for Morgan. You swing her off the bed and she squeals with laughter.

“Come on Momo. Let’s go upstairs. Maybe we can find some juice pops.” You whisper the last part loudly. Morgan giggles as she grabs onto your hand.

“Can we bring Daddy one later? He got hurt. He deserves a juice pop.” Morgan looks up at you with doe like eyes.

“I think we could probably do that.” You and Morgan walk towards the elevator as Morgan rambles on about different things. You honestly love the chatter of your little sister. Over the past few days, it’s filled the silence that your dad normally would and that calmed you some.

“Daddy’s going to be all better now right Y/N?” Morgan asks as you step on the elevator. “His arm still has a booboo.”

“His arm does have a booboo, but Dr. Cho is going to look at it and do what she can to help it. But Dad is going to be around for a long time.”

...A Stark Tag list: @persephonehemingway @iamaunicorn4704 @furiouspockettoad @daughter-of-stark @eternalharry @huntective-kyeo @riiis-stuff @sunnyoongles @cosmicqueenieb @sovereignparker @bbarnestan @teenwishes08 @iamthescarlettwitch @skyfallstilinski @cutie1365 @a-mnd @youarethereasonimsmiling @thefemalestorywriter @krazykendraisnotinsane @cathy8taffy @letssee2468 @babyreads @riyanna @theatregeek @bubblebunbun

Permanent tag list: @wormonastringonastick

strike won’t let me tag

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supernatural-love14 · 3 years

Text

Is That All I Am To You?

Summary: Thinking that her and Dean are exclusive, the Reader is proved wrong when Dean tells another hunter that they are only friends…

Warnings: The tiniest bit of fluff (and I seriously mean tiny). some serious ANGST. No happy ending. Arguing. Language. Crying. Lots of crying…

Word Counts: 1,682

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Former Dean x Reader

PROMPT: Is that all I am to you?

A/N: This is for the @jawritter 1500 Follower Challenge - Jen’s Make Me Cry Challenge - here’s the masterlist to it.

MAIN MASTERLIST ~ SERIES MASTERLIST ~ ONESHOT MASTERLIST

Four years. Four years that I have known Dean Winchester. Two years that we have been dating. At first it started out as a friends with benefits thing, which I was completely fine with if it meant I could spend time with Dean. But then it started to get serious, he started to take me on dates. We’d go to restaurants - just me and him, go play crazy golf, go on walks, stuff that couples would do.

A year down the line of the relationship, Dean gives me space in his room for clothes. Not that it really mattered if I had a drawer or not in his room considering my room was only down the hall. But most of the time I would sleep in his room, with his arms protectively wrapped around me as we slept.

Even Sam believed we were dating, it felt like we were dating - like it was all real. But I was so wrong, that I didn’t even realise that everything Dean had ever promised me was a lie. I should have seen it coming. Like come on, it’s Dean freaking Winchester. The one who gets around with all the women, never settling down, never dating anyone because it would have the worst outcome.

How couldn’t I have seen this? Why couldn’t I have stopped myself from falling for his charm years ago? I feel so naive and gullible. I know now that I can’t ever believe anything that man says. Ever again.

I have to leave, I have to get out of here.

5 Hours Earlier…

Meeting Sam at the bar, Dean and I walk in with his arm “possessively” wrapped around my waist, warding off any guys that would even think to get close to me. Sam sat in one of the corner booths of the bar far away from anyone. To everyone it looked like we were together, technically we were.

Joining Sam at the table, I was sat next to Dean leaning my head on his shoulder while he had one of his arms wrapped around mine. It was so clear to everyone that we were more than just friends. The lingering touches, the featherlight kisses on the forehead. Even the way he looked at me suggested that there was more than friendship. For the first time in a long time, there were no girls even attempting to flirtatiously glance his way. They knew he was taken. They didn’t even try to come over to get his attention, they knew they wouldn’t get it.

“Any new cases, Sammy?” Dean asked, as he grabbed onto one of the many beer bottles that was brought over to them, taking a large gulp of it.

“Man, I’ve looked but nothing so far, a whole bunch of others have taken cases and there’s just nothing at the moment.”

“Do they need any help?” Dean asked, clearly needing something to keep him occupied but Sam quickly shook his head.

“I’ve already asked, but you know what hunters are like, they’ve got their own partners to help them and they don’t need three extra hunters. But I’ll keep looking for cases, I guess we can just take this time off that we never get round to having.” Sam explained, lifting his own beer to drink, his eyes scanning the bar before noticing someone staring at them. “Hey, we’re being watched.”

“What… by who?”

“Don’t know, I’ve never seen him before, he’s just intensely looking at us from the bar.” I turn around to see the man sitting at the bar. Once he see’s me looking at him, he smiles. Gasping I realise who it is. “Y/n, you know who that is?”

“Yeah… my ex.” Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Dean slightly turns to see the guy who is staring at you.

“Bad ending?” Sam asked with concern, his eyes shifting from you to your ex and then to Dean.

“Not really. He’s not… a hunter. And it was a long time ago.” You started to explain to the boys.

“Are you going to go over?” Dean asked, masking his emotions with a straight face.

“Should I?” Looking up at him, trying to get a read on him but failing miserably.

Gulping, Dean looked from you to your ex before looking back at you. “Y/n, he’s clearly here to see you. You should go over there.”

“But I’m here with you guys… It’s fine, really. I’m with you. I have no reason to see him. It didn’t end well last time I saw him, which was when we broke up.”

“Did he know about the hunting life?”

“Yeah, that’s the main reason we broke it off.” I lie easily, not really wanting to explain my past.

“Maybe he’s trying to get you back, maybe he’s ok with you being a hunter.”

“Dean! I’m with you, I don’t need to go back with my ex… I’m already taken.”

“Yeah but we’re not really together, together…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You raise your voice slightly, hoping this isn’t where it’s really going.

“Dean, st-“ Sam started to say before Dean interrupted him.

“We’re only friends with benefits.”

“So, what two years of being together - friends with benefits or not, and not once id you think that with all your actions showed that this was more than friends with benefits. You don’t take a friend with benefits on dates. Let me guess in all of this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing, you’ve been seeing other people haven’t you?”

“Y/n…I’m sorry that you thought there was more to this-“

“No. What you did was lead me on. I’m going back to the bunker.” Getting up from my seat, I quickly grab my stuff before heading out towards the door. My ex immediately heading towards me, and I couldn’t even stop the eye roll from forming.

“Hey, Y/n. It’s been a while.” He stops in front of me, blocking me from the exit and now i’m suddenly remembering why we broke up in the first place. Anyone would think that we broke up because I was in the hunting life and he was not, something normal. But no, this cheating bastard thinks he has the audacity to think we will pick things up where it was left.

“Yeah, I guess. How’s Amanda?”

“Andrea, was her name.”

“OH right, that so silly of me to get the name mixed up of the girl you threw me away for.” I said bitterly, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Y/n, at the time we weren’t really together.” You could just feel like your brain wanted to explode at that very second, what was with men and not telling you what the relationship status was. Was it that hard to talk for them to talk to me? And why did I have such bad luck with men!?

“Yeah, I remember, I remember you so clearly saying that as you were banging that chick in our bedroom of the house we brought together!”

“Y/n…” He started to say grabbing my arm slightly to pull me towards him, before I so rudely pushed it away. “Don’t be like this. Remember all the fun we had together.”

“No. I don’t. Now if you excuse me, I have to leave. I’ve dealt with dickheads all evening.”

“Hey, don’t go. Come on, catch up with me.”

“No. I’m not going down that path again. What happened between me and you is now over. It’s been over for years.” Clearly not getting the message, he pulls me roughly towards him, before I kick him in the balls. I didn’t even realise one of the Winchester boys were behind me before Sam pulled me back away from my dick of an ex-boyfriend.

“Hey, she clearly said no. So leave her alone.” Sam defended, a glare placed on his face, I turned slightly to see where Dean was but seeing him at the other end of the bar chatting up a chick just made my blood boil. Here I was clearly struggling to get rid of my ex and he’s over there throwing what little we had left away like trash. From this moment I knew it was over. I knew we would never be together. And I knew I had to leave for good. No more would I fall for men like him.

I could feel my eyes tearing up, blinking rapidly to hold them back from falling. My ex now left the area of the bar as Sam watched me with concern. “I’m going back to the bunker.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll be fine. I’m just going to get some sleep.”

“Ok…just call me to let me know you got back ok.”

“Of course.” Lying through my teeth as I give Sam a quick hug. With him never realising that this would be the last time he would see me. I leave the bar quickly heading back to place which will no longer be my home.

After 5 hours I had packed my things, grabbed anything and everything I had in Dean’s room and my old room to put into my car. My old car was sitting in the garage, where it had been left since the day I moved in here. I never really needed it when I had moved in, I couldn’t help the tears that fell down my face as I realise how much I will miss this place. The memories that I thought were good now turned to ash and dust.

I will move on from Dean Winchester. Sitting behind the wheel just made it all too real as Dean will never know how much I loved him but I have to leave, I can’t stay here knowing that he will never fully be with me not after everything that I now know. He’ll never know what he truly missed out on, holding a hand to my flat stomach, the life that was slowly growing inside of me. Dean will never know that he would have a child. Because he will never find me. Not ever again.

IF YOUR NAME IS CROSSED OUT IT MEANS I CANNOT TAG YOU FOR SOME REASON. ALSO FEEDBACK IS MUCH APPRECIATED!

Forever Tags:

@peachyafshawn @vicmc624 @deanswaywardgirl @hobby27

Dean Winchester Tags:

@foreverasouldreamer @a-girls-little-world @dreamyalessiaa @dhawandyke @bi-danvers0 @anorable-agnes-drew @autumnfrancour2 @waywardbeanie @ellewritesfix05 @flamencodiva @akshi8278 @tuataracda123

If you wish to be added to the taglist even if it just for a series or one shot - comment down below or ask me!

#jensmakemecrychallenge #angst #dean #dean winchester #sad #no happy ending

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