Tumgik
#SUPERNATURAL IS A HOT MESS
paellegere · 1 month
Text
dean's sexuality is an overwhelming recurring theme throughout the show: his fetishes are prominent, he flaunts his sexuality and sexual behavior freely, he's a relentless flirt, and he has the most sexual encounters in the show. what i want to briefly consider here is how his sexuality and, more importantly, his fetishes may symbolize a freudian eroticization of a fantasized domestic life, particularly in his fetishization of femininity.
so hear me out: dean subconsciously eroticizes his mundane desires because he can't externalize them in a safe or realistic way. the desires are, namely, a longing for a domestic, "apple pie" life, which is a desire that has been explored in the show multiple times. dean routinely covets domesticity, through his desire to raise a child (ben and lisa subplot), the djinn fantasy (2.20), his "nesting" in the bunker (8.14), and his displacement of that desire onto sam (who is the primary subject of his erotic fixation in general and a subconscious extension of himself—if sam acquires a happy domestic life, dean can live vicariously through it).
he also routinely denies himself this domesticity because he's given up on getting out of the hunter life. he was raised in a survival environment and never was given a real opportunity to escape (even sam had to fight tooth and nail to get out, and we all know where that got him). the one time he had a chance to reject john and embrace normality he returned smiling because of sam (9.07). he's the one that vehemently secludes himself (and sam, like in 1.06) from society because connections are a liability. he leaves potential long-term relationships preemptively, always choosing hunting (and sam) over them before anything "real" can happen (1.13, 6.01, 6.21, also consider 8.19, perhaps more abstractly). he's so broken inside that he lacks any real desire at all (5.14). et cetera, et cetera. he denies himself his domestic desires to the point that he lacks desire at all—he's a broken shell of a man.
so the violent repression of the id causes the secret desire to leak out through erotic fantasy, a playground of fiction that is used by, well, most if not all people to explore desire in a safe and controlled medium (see: how many women have rape fantasies, for example—the sexual fantasy is a constructed world for safe exploration of certain desires, often abstracted through erotic symbols).
dean is so repressed as an individual, likely by external pressure to conform and control himself via john, that dean could subconsciously transform his secret desire for domesticity, into an erotic fantasy. he displaces those unacceptable desires from the unattainable mundane onto the safer erotic and they eventually distort into fetishes. the fetishes themselves are then abstractions of the things he covets but can't obtain.
and i want to focus specifically on his desire for domesticity and make an argument for feminization as a fetish (thank you rhonda hurley for your contributions to society) and how that relates back to that base desire.
there are several episodes in the show which suggest that dean fetishizes femininity itself, or rather feminization as it pertains to him (4.07, 5.04, also consider 10.05 in a more abstract sense). in 4.07, dean openly fantasizes about living in a "hot cheerleader's" body (youthfully feminine). in 5.04, dean recounts the time rhonda hurley forced him into her pink, satiny panties, saying that he liked it. 10.05 is a meta episode which additionally posits a plotline where dean becomes a woman through supernatural means, suggesting that fans are invited to draw a connection between dean and feminization. (these are the episodes i can pull off the top of my head; it's probably not comprehensive but i can't remember others atm)
so let's consider this feminization kink: we have dean fantasizing about femininity, womanhood, and especially girlhood, which he notoriously eroticizes (again in 4.07 and also in 4.13 and 10.13, to name specific references, but there are so many examples of this) in relation to himself, specifically. you can layer this in the way his deeper desires are of domesticity, and the home is traditionally (importantly) the domain of the woman. if dean would come to associate domesticity with femininity, then he would subconsciously connect his desire for domesticity with a desire for femininity. therefore, this feminization kink can represent an eroticization of his own (perceived) femininity. dean craves domesticity, but the domestic can only be achieved through womanhood, and therefore his desire for the domestic manifests through femininity, and thus feminization.
this "perceived femininity" of the domestic is important because of how dean conceptualizes the world largely through his consumption of media (see also: his "wild west fetish" via 6.18), which enforces gender roles and the relegating of the woman to the domestic sphere. this additionally aligns with dean's lived experiences: he had a domestic life while mary was alive, and when mary died the domesticity died with her. his only personal experiences with a settled home life are inexorably tied to the presence of femininity (his other excursion is when he lives with lisa, strengthening this association), and the absence of it and subsequent domination of john (the masculine) also took with it that domestic life.
and then you could even go so far as to make the argument that his eroticization of girlhood and his fetish for barely legal girls is a symbol of the domestic life he didn't get to live himself. it can represent a longing for youth in an environment that was inaccessible to him, a stability and domesticity walled off by womanhood. his youth was masculine, and his desire is for the feminine. it would stand to reason that when he yearns for an idealized youth, it would be through the lens of the symbolically feminine. and so this desire manifests through a fetishization of youth (girlhood) and his subsequent creep behavior. it all comes back to the life dean didn't get to live, eroticized and represented through a sexual fantasy born of rigidly enforced gender roles and the loss of femininity in his home life.
97 notes · View notes
Text
So..finally back on the writing track….just to have possibly broke my dominant wrist 😅🥹
Tumblr media
12 notes · View notes
idea for how spn could pick back up for a reunion without (technically) undoing any of the finale:
Sam & Dean BOTH vanished into thin air in late November 2020. Everyone thinks they're dead. Nobody ever finds their bodies, but there's a hunter's funeral held for Sam & Dean anyway.
3 years later, Dean stumbles into some random hunter's Charlie's latest safehouse. He's half-carrying, half-dragging Sam. Sam's hair is white, he looks like he's lost half his body weight. It's extremely clear that this isn't natural aging. Something did this to him.
Dean gently lowers his brother to the floor before collapsing himself, coughing and clutching at the hastily-wrapped bandages over his back and chest.
Before losing consciousness, he gasps out something about The Fae.
roll title sequence
12 notes · View notes
nalivaa · 2 years
Note
Oh, awesome you're taking requests? (Not awesome that you're in an art block.) Since it's summer, can I get some Michael and Adam at an ice cream parlor? I feel like Michael would either be the same exact flavor every time or he'd have to always try something new. I can see Midam being that dopey couple sitting at table for two making cow eyes at each other. And if this request isn't appealing, feel free to pass. Love your stuff!
Tumblr media
HI THIS WAS A REALLY CUTE PROMPT IM SO SORRY I DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THANK YOU FOR SENDING IT THO!!! 💜
54 notes · View notes
liopleurodean · 10 months
Text
Oh. Oh-
Where's that post about Henry Cavill and "grimes up good"? Because I can and will make anything about Dean Winchester
2 notes · View notes
reblogging4thewin · 1 year
Text
You know what, it's not the CW sniper firing the gunshots anymore. The actors are firing the gunshots now to keep property values in check.
3 notes · View notes
pendragonsgallery · 2 years
Text
Ghost Files is out now, and it will be the only thing I talk about for the rest of my life
9 notes · View notes
pregstiel · 2 years
Text
on the boys s2 and i can see like. the inkling of the outlines of the negative spaces where hughie and billy could have a gay thing going on, but kripke has learned his lesson by casting the straightest actors alive and putting in an immediate "you look just like his little brother" thing to mitigate the fact that the show seems to be proposing hughie be the one thing that can bring billy back from violence. and again props to kripke, the straight campaign has worked
2 notes · View notes
mrsrileywrites · 2 months
Text
Have a piece of my mind...
Tumblr media
smut, smut, smutty smut...
As always, likes, comments, reposts and positive criticism are highly appreciated 🫶
Simon "Ghost" Riley knows when to fuck and when to make love.
He's memorized your menstrual cycle so before you get your period, when your body and mind are over sensitive and you cry cause you saw an add of homeless dogs in the TV, he's gentle... with his words and his touch.
He makes love to you, he settles for missionary, making eye contact, your legs wrap around his waist while he thrust into you deep and slow, he squeezes your sore boobs lightly, he doesn't want to hurt you, and flicks his tongue on your harden nipples.
He intertwines his fingers with yours, holding your hands on each side of your face as he pepper kisses all over your face and neck, he whisper soft praises and words of encouragement on your ear. "so good for me, love", "good girl, taking me so well", "baby... keep looking at me".
He slides his hand between your bodies to rub soft circles on your clit until you cum with a soft cry of his name.
He gives you the best aftercare, he cleans you up and helps you put on your favorite pj's, he brings you water and your favorite snacks, he wraps you in his burly arms, kissing your forehead and running a gentle hand on your back until you are fast asleep.
Oh but when you're ovulating and constantly horny, when you follow him around your shared apartment, your hands always on him and your voice is whiny and needy, when you mindlessly rub your boobs against his bicep?. That's when he fucks you.
He got you on a mating press while he pounds on your swollen cunt at a supernatural pace and you're panting like a bitch in heat, his hand comes to wrap around your throat as he dirty talks you "fuck, so wet for me", "tight little cunt making a mess on my cock", "is this what you wanted baby?, to be fucked like a whore, yeah?".
He doesn't need to rub your clit, he's fucking you oh so, so good, thrusting balls deep into you, the squelching sound of your wet pussy and skin slapping against skin fill the room along with your loud moans and his grunts, his pubic bone hits your clit just right, your eyes roll back as you orgasm so hard you think you may be having a seizure, he's movements doesn't falter as he chases his own release driving you into overstimulation while he fills your pussy with his hot, white cum.
Simon "Ghost" Riley knows you like the back of his hand so much so he knows when you need to be fucked like a whore and when he needs to make love to you and he'll do it because you are his good girl, the light on his darkest days and the love of his life.
8K notes · View notes
stemroses · 1 year
Text
*Punches holes in walls* why wasn’t the cage freezing cold. I hate it here
1 note · View note
specshroom · 3 months
Text
★ - Some assistance
Tumblr media
You and your boyfriend are lounging on the couch in the living room, winding down after a long day. He's drinking his evening tea and reading while you unsuccessfully distract yourself by flicking through channels on the TV. You decide to just come out and ask what you've been meaning to ask for awhile now.
"Kento? Do you think you could make me squirt?"
This poor man chokes on his tea and almost messes it on his home shirt. He just looks at you with a face that says "Why would you ask me something like that so suddenly?" You just look at him deadpan waiting for his response. He clears his throat and composes himself, realising it was a somewhat serious question and his girlfriend (soon to be fiancé, hopefully) wasn't just playing some dumb joke. 
"Well... I'm sure I could try, Y/n. But why bring that up so out of the blue, if you mind me asking."
He responds, as polite as always. He makes you feel so safe in his presence it's almost supernatural.
"Uh... I've just been thinking about it for awhile, I guess." He places his mug on the coffee table, the one that says "Live, Laugh, Love" in exaggerated curly font, courtesy of Gojo. He doesn't know why you insist on making his tea in that mug but he drinks it every time anyway. He brings your legs into his lap and lightly massages them silently asking you to continue. 
"I'm just curious to see if I can is all. Whenever I've tried to do it myself, I always just get too sensitive and stop, but... If I had someone else do it, I think I might actually be able to."
You explain this to him almost like a scientist explains their hypothesis, like you've thought about it for awhile. He rubs under your shins and thinks for a bit. he would very much like to be the one to make you squirt and he's confident in his abilities but he also doesn't want you to be upset if you end up not being able to do it.
"I also just think it would be really hot if you made me squirt." 
That breaks him out of his thoughts with a disbelieving huff. 
"The problem is that when I get sensitive I'm gonna be yelling for you to stop out of second nature. But you can't stop Kento, you have to keep going until I either squirt or say the safe word. Can you do that, Baby?" Nanami looks up at your serious face, you really have thought about this quite a bit. He nods his head, sealing the deal. You just stare at eachother for a moment longer, the TV still going in the back. You break out in a smile, unable to keep the semi-serious atmosphere. 
"Can- can we do it now?" You ask the man on the opposite end of the couch while you try and stifle a giggle. 
Nanami smiles and pulls you closer to him by your legs. You yelp as you get yanked into his lap where he attacks your neck with kisses. He hoists you up and starts walking to the bedroom. Once he sets you onto your shared bed, you start removing your shirt and shorts while he rummages in the cupboard for a towel that he puts down on the bed before undressing himself.
You're almost shaking with excitement and anticipation. Nanami sits against the headboard in nothing but his boxers, placing the towel on the bed in front of him. He watches as you turn to him with that sultry look in your eyes. You crawl your way up the bed on all fours until you're right between his muscular thighs. Your hands glide up his thighs and waist, you kiss him with need and he reciprocates. You break the connection to feel yourself up infront of him and sensually take off your bra. You present yourself to him and kiss him again before turning around and pressing your back to his chest. 
His hands go to your waist to gently squeeze and rub there. You spare no flare when taking off your panties and you adjust yourself so that both your legs are wide open, slightly bent and his stronger ones are over yours, forcing them to stay open.
"Put your legs like this so that it stops me from closing mine when it gets too sensitive." 
You say as you help him into the position you want. Nanami chuckles and bends down to say lowly into your ear.
"You really have thought this whole thing through, huh?" 
You flush and nod your head as his hand moves down your body to where you want him the most. His touch is gentle at first, lightly stroking down your clit and lips, gathering wetness with his fingers. He starts to work his finger into you and gently rubs your clit with the other hand, coaxing you to melt into his touch. You start moaning and groaning with the pleasure your wonderful boyfriend is giving you. 
With both his hands working on your pussy so diligently, it's no wonder your first orgasm washes over you pretty quickly. Nanami keeps going at the same steady pace after you cum and it's the first out of the ordinary occurrence in this session. You usually would get a grace period after you cum to come down from the high but you and Nanami have a goal. The fact that you get no chance to come down at all is fucking with your brain and the fucked out feeling is just multiplying every second his strong hands play with your pussy. 
Nanami lays back a bit, forcing you to also lay back and expose yourself a bit more as you begin to writhe and squirm. One hand is still diligently circling your clit as he works his two middle fingers into you, slamming into that perfect spot inside you over and over and over again. You get louder and more frantic as the second orgasm hits you. Your head falls back on Nanamis chest as you groan his name. 
"Uuuuh Fuck! Feels so good Kento, soo good, so good, s' good, s' good, s' gud." You mumble and moan to him. Your second orgasm hits you full force and the pleasure doesn't stop or slow down, in fact it only gets more intense. He doesn't even slow down despite you're kicking legs and bucking hips.
Nanami eventually brings you to a third orgasm, now things really start to feel sensitive and your whines and cries of overstimulation get louder but the man doesn't tire. He keeps going, mumbling things like "Cmon, cmon Love." And "You can do it Darling". 
Before you know it the fourth wave hits you like a train, this is where you get frantically desperate as you realize he isnt even slowing down. You're now actively trying to get out of his iron hold, trying to close your legs just a little but his strong thighs keep you open for him. You're squirming and struggling and crying out.
"Wait wait wait wait!".
Your pussy is so raw and sensitive, you almost beg him to slow down but the man is going even stronger now. He's more precise with his movements, touching all the right spots with just the right amount of force to make you weep. 
"Wait Ken! It's sensitive, stoooop stopstopstop!" You hands go to his to try and make him slow down a little but Nanami isn't having any of that. You set out a goal for yourself and clear rules. He is going to make sure you reach your goals like the good partner he is.
He cages your arms against your chest with one arm hugged around you while the other still goes at your clit, rubbing frantic but deliberate circles into the pink flesh with his callous palm. The wet slick sounds of your pussy being bullied by the man you love are drowned out by the sounds coming from your mouth.
You're screaming now, legs shaking and kicking, not nearly strong enough to budge against Nanami's thick thighs forcing them wide open. Your entire body begins convulsing and spasming, you swear you feel like you're going to pee but you don't even have the mind to be concerned about that. You can only scream an intelligible jumble of pleas at this point as your nails dig into his arm. 
"Cmon Honey, just one more f'me, your doing so well."
The praise makes you go even dumber as you're quickly brought to the end of your rope. The last strand snaps and a tidel wave of violent hot pleasure comes crashing down on your entire being. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, your screams turn to silent hiccups and overwhelmed chokes.
Your body convulses violently and your back arches off Nanamis chest as he holds you tightly to his chest. It's by far the most intense orgasm of your life and you don't even register the jet of clear liquid shooting out from you untill you hear Nanamis loud groan at the sight.
"There you go, that's my girl."
You're brought back to earth and let out a long groan as Nanami presses up on the hood of your clit to force more squirt out of you, the feeling is even more euphoric than you thought it could ever be. 
Nanami pats your pussy, making sure he gets every last drop out as your wetness trickles down your pussy and ass onto the towel Nanami set down, which was definitely not enough to keep the bed dry. You drop your body completely limp onto Nanamis chest as you both catch your breath.
Nanami releases your arms and your hand immediately goes to cup your swollen, abused pussy with a whine. Nanami chuckles and runs his hands down your back and around your waist, soothing you, bringing you down gently while mumbling little praises. You curl up on top of him and dig your face into his neck with another small whine. 
"Love you s'much." You mumble into his hot skin. He chuckles at you once again. 
"I love you too, Baby."
-★
1K notes · View notes
netherfeildren · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
Pink : Part I : Humanist Seeking Person in Love
Series Masterlist
Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader
Summary: Humanism: an outlook or system of thought attaching prime importance to human rather than divine or supernatural matters. Humanist beliefs stress the potential value and goodness of human beings, emphasize common human needs, and seek solely rational ways of solving human problems.
The story of a son who won’t love you, and his father, who will.
-OR-
the father-in-law AU
Rating: Explicit 18+
Content Warnings: No outbreak AU; Fix-it-fic but the thing that needs fixing is a person; Daddy issues; Daddy kink; Divorce; Welcome to the father-in-law suck and fuck extravaganza; Possessive behavior; Jealousy; Slow burn but like not really; DD/lg dynamics; Older man/Younger woman; Self esteem issues; Discussions of emotional and mental abuse; Unhealthy coping mechanisms
A/N: Check the tags on the masterlist, as well!
Word Count: 7.4K
Read on AO3
Ko-fi
1. Humanist Seeking Person in Love
The video you’d watched had said that the differences between a jamb nut and a coupling nut should have been obvious. A jamb nut, which was what you were currently looking for, was typically half as tall as a standard nut, or a coupling nut, and would be of a small, stouter shape compared to the other options. As you stare at the wall of overwhelming stock, the incomprehensible mess of steel, PVC, aluminum and plastic hardware you feel, a little bit, like you’d like to start screaming as loud as you possibly can, for as long as you possibly can. Just a rip roaring and rageful, top of your lungs, screech. Maybe it’d scare the leering men around you. Maybe they’d desist from the ogling of your ass in the tight confines of your ratty leggings, or the mildly pitying glances as your frustration and confusion becomes more and more obvious.
You try and take a deep breath, glancing down at your phone again and the screenshots you’d taken of the parts you need to fix your leaky kitchen sink. Zooming in, you hold the picture up next to the pipeware currently gripped in your sweaty hand and wonder again if what you’ve chosen is the right piece. You don’t understand why the hardware store, a local business, isn’t as neatly and efficiently organized as the larger chains, and why they make it so damn hard for someone without experience to come in and shop. You don’t want to buy the wrong thing and waste the money you already don’t have, you don’t want to have to make the trek back to this God awful fucking place. You hate the hardware store, you hate the way it smells, dusty and wooden, the cavernous hollow echo of it, the leering gazes of the men shopping, looking at you as if you’re some helpless child, something soft and easy to snap up and eat. You hate the memory of following your father around on many a Sunday morning after he’d forced you to come with him in some false attempt at bonding, at spending time together when really all it was, was another instance of you cowering behind him, trying to make yourself as silent and small as possible so as to avoid his anger and irritation. 
You look back down at the piece of PVC in your clutch, at the picture of what you’re supposed to be buying again, back at the other option, a copper bolt you think might look right but can’t really tell the difference, and you feel the backs of your eyes pinch and go hot and achy. A sharp, throbbing pain starting up behind your left eye and spiraling out like a stain to cover your forehead. You want to go home. You want your kitchen sink to stop leaking. You want the past year to never have happened. For your marriage to not have so irrevocably unraveled that the husband you’d so desperately fought to keep had left you out in the cold, divorced, very nearly penniless in a new apartment that you couldn’t make feel like home no matter how many fall scented candles and throw pillows you stuffed into every nook and cranny. You want to not have to make decisions like these and take care of things like this. You want very, very badly for someone else to come and take care of you, help you, make the choices that seem very hard in the moment but that, in the grand scheme of things, aren’t really so difficult, but that still sometimes call for a second opinion, wiser, more experienced hands. 
And in that next blink, in a soft, deep voice that should not be as easily recognizable in your mind as it is given the handful of times you’ve actually heard it, your name, being murmured from behind you. The lilt of a question, the gruff of shock coating the syllables as it pushes against your bare nape. Soft as a sledgehammer, like ice water down your naked back, your shoulders hitch up to your ears, going tense and frightened, a hot flush of shame spilling through you, the keenest desire to run away from that soft voice as fast as your stupidly October flip flopped feet’ll take you. You hiccup the half sound of his name, not turning around, lashes fluttering quickly to prevent the dry heat of your eyes from spilling over, nerveless fingers going listless around the plastic nut. You don’t want to turn around. This is a cursed place, this hardware store, and you should never have come, and you really do hate it here. Deep breath, deep breath. Be polite, be succinct. You don’t need to talk to him. You don’t need to think about the past. Fuck the sink, fuck the pipes. You’ll just move apartments. You let a long stream of air out of your mouth, and then turn on the ball of your foot to face him. 
“Mr. Miller,” you breathe with a limp smile you know isn’t going to fool anyone. 
He frowns, the line of his mouth wavering as he tries to contain his displeasure. “We really back to that?” You shake your head, looking away from him as the last shopper in the aisle you’re inhabiting walks away, leaving the two of you alone. The store suddenly seems to exist in a vacuum echo, all other patrons seeming to disappear, all sound going out. You even feel the imitation of a hollow pop in your ear drums. When you look back at him, he’s really scowling now. His strong brow pulled down over those too pretty, thickly lashed hazel eyes that you know so well on another man, a younger version of him. 
It was the first thing you’d noticed about him, the first time Sam had introduced you to his father, they have the same eyes. The same but different. There was a coldness to Sam’s gaze that you hadn’t recognized until it was too late for you, but you recognized it now, with a painful sort of awareness, recognized the lack thereof in his father’s eyes, how different they were even in their similarity. 
He raises his brows at you, a pressing gesture, “Joel.” His name feels like salt on an open sore in your mouth. “What are you doing here?” And he looks at you, just a little bit, like you’re an idiot, or maybe that’s only you, for his voice is gentle when he says, “Pickin’ up supplies with some of the boys on my crew. What’re you doin’ here, sweetheart? Sam with you?” Your heart beats like that of a small and hunted creature, pounding painfully against the confines of your ribs while a hot, humiliated flush washes through your entire body, heat suffusing your face so intensely there’s probably steam rising off the surface of your skin. You shake your head quickly, a barely there jerk. You’re suddenly trembling so hard your throat aches as if it’s been pierced by a lancet straight through. Another sharp jerk, and he steps forward a concerned look marring his face. 
“You haven’t spoken to him.” It isn’t a question. 
“He’s been feildin’ my calls for months. Assumed I’d done something– something else, last time to piss him off again. What’s wrong? Everything okay?” He pauses, head tilting, and you can’t look him in the face as you say it, gaze falling to your fingers twisted around the nut. 
“We’re not together anymore. He– he left me. We got divorced six months ago.”
Shocked into silence he takes another step towards you, the toe of his heavy boot coming into your eye line. The ends are thick and rounded, and you wonder if there’s a casing of steel within, how much a kick in the ribs would hurt delivered by a boot like that, and the violent thought startles you, your eyes going wide, shooting up to his face as if worried he could read your thoughts. Ashamed that something like that in reference to him would even cross your mind, for looking at him, the gentleness in his gaze, the utter concern, a man like this would never hurt a creature softer than him, you know that. 
It’s funny, or strange, or a phenomena not easily understandable or explainable unless you’d had a certain type of experience with a certain type of man, but there was a sort of sixth sense instilled in a person who’d dealt with cruel men that made it easy to recognize when one had the capacity to hurt you and when he didn’t. There were, of course, those who were good at masking it, but there was always something, a way they held themselves or moved around others, the cadence of their voices, clues that spoke of the sort of man he was. And from the first moment you’d met him, you’d thought Joel had something that spoke only of gentleness. Despite his size and seemingly rough aspect, there was something about his voice, and the way he carried himself, the way he moved around those who were smaller or weaker or less, less alive, less potent than him, that was always careful and always aware. 
“What?” He moves as if he’s going to reach for you, and you flinch back, the curve of your spine bumping into the framing of the shelves behind you, face turning away quickly. He goes tense, forcing himself into stillness, the white of his teeth flashing in a grimace, but he puts his palms up in a staying gesture, it’s alright, easy, he murmurs, I won’t touch you, hands lowering to fist in the pockets of his jeans into tight balls of false restraint. As if he’s afraid of what they might do of their own volition otherwise. “What do you mean he left you? What happened? He–”
“I don’t want to discuss this with you. Call him again or– or I don’t know. It’s not my business anymore. He was never happy with me,” you stupidly add, finally braving a look back at his eyes again, a bitter laugh scratching up your throat, “You know this. Call your son, Joel.”
You move to leave, to get away from him, but he shifts, blocking your escape, sending your heart up into your throat. “Honey, wait–” but you’re spinning on your heel the other way, stumbling in your flip flops, and you think he says something about the wrong way, but you’re rushing, blindly trying to get away from him down the aisle as fast as you can. You’re going to cry, you can feel it, any second now. You weren’t expecting to see him, the reminder of everything that had happened, your marriage and its failure and the part Joel had played in it. A painful and jarring shock to your nervous system that you’d not been prepared to receive. You blindly scramble through the aisles of the hardware store, losing yourself to the gloom of the dimly lit back rows where plywood and carpeting are stocked, that detested dusty hollow smell intensifying. You take another blind turn, another, until the sounds of the store have gone faint and then a frightening pressurized silence. Bracing your palms against one of the eye level shelves you let your head fall between your shoulders, your bag sliding down your arm to hang and sway at the bend of your elbow. You watch the slow back and forth pendulous movement, eyes wide and blurred. If you don’t blink, you won’t cry, and you’re so fucking tired of crying over this. 
“If you were tryn’a get away from me, exit was in the opposite direction,” comes his voice again. Your eyes flutter shut, a single tear drips from the line of your lashes onto the dusty concrete floor. 
“Please, go away,” you croak.
“Tell me what happened.”
“What do you think happened? Don’t ask stupid questions.”
“He– he’s a fuckin’ idiot, sweetheart–”
Your stomach lurches, “Don’t call me that.”
But he doesn’t listen, continues on unheeded. “There’s gotta be something we can do. I’ll– I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him see that–” You let your head fall back the opposite way now, looking up at the high, cavernous ceiling of the store, another bitter laugh. It’s the only kind left to you now. 
“I don’t want him back, Joel. Be serious.”
“He needs you–” And oh, that makes you angry. 
“Fuck you.” You spin around to spit the words at him, rushing forward to shove at his rock solid chest. He doesn’t budge even half an inch. You shove again, again, a humiliating sob making its way up your chest. You blink then, you can’t help it, the tears fall unrestrained. It’s a specific type of humiliating, facing the estranged father of the man who you’d been married to, who’d been unable to love you, who’d abandoned you. 
Sam and Joel had been unaware of each other’s existence for almost twenty eight years, but two years ago, Sam’s mother had finally told him about his father, his name, where he lived, how they’d gotten together when they were too young, and how she’d split, scared and vulnerable, without telling him a thing. The two of you’d gone looking for the man, and you’d both been varying degrees of shocked at what you’d found. Sam, faced with a man so unlike himself he’d immediately resented him more than he already had for the fact of his absence his entire life. You, as well, faced with a man so unlike your husband that it had made you resent your marriage even more. Immediately welcoming, loving, patient, gracious and generous and forgiving of the fact that a son had been kept from him for almost three decades. Despite the severity of his character, his serious reservedness, he’d done everything in his power to open himself to this long lost son. Not once had the news been met with cruel anger or outrage. Joel had accepted his son immediately and without question, listening to his mother’s reasoning, accepting the fact that a mistake had been made, forgiving, willing to move on and embrace Sam in all the ways he’d been denied for so long. Sam hadn’t been able to fathom it. He’d been mistrustful, hostile, angry, all the things he always was but compounded and heightened to a terrible degree he eventually started taking out on you. 
And it was funny because the fraught, or lack thereof, relationships with your fathers had been the thing that had initially bonded the two of you. Too young and alone and without direction, you’d met him in your last year of college. The relationship had immediately developed without boundaries or reason, you’d been obsessed, a little desperate, unquestioning, and then married a few short months later. Two too young, too lost people, burdened with daddy issues. A terribly sad cliche. You’d never had a chance. You never should have been. And there’s a part of you now, looking up at this man, your ex-husband’s father, that wants to feel angry at him, that wants to spit in his face and say this is all your fault, everything that happened to me, everything that was done to me was in your name, and I blame you for all of it, but you know it’s without reason or countenance. And worst of all, anger, blame, resentment, it’s not anything near to the things you feel when you look at him. The memory of a small, dark restroom flashes in your mind’s eye, his eyes gleaming above your face, the thick slope of his shoulder, the patterned wallpaper behind him, sickening comfort. 
You go still and frozen, fingers twisting in the front of his shirt, jerking with a painful shiver from the top of your head, down the length of your vertebrae, to the tips of your toes that cramp and spasm. Looking up at his face, you can feel a pulse throbbing in the muscle beneath your right eye, and the way he looks down at you, as if he’s never felt as sorry for any other creature in his entire life as he does for you in this moment, so embarrassing. You let your head fall forward again, landing with a soft thump against his chest, an uncontrollable tremble moving like fire through your frame. “Fuck you,” you say again, whispered, soft and weak and without any sort of force behind it. “How dare you say that to me,” another tear. “He’s always needed you. It was never me he wanted, never me he needed. It was always you.” You watch as one hand withdraws from its pocket cage, lifting to push a soft tendril of hair back behind your ear. And there’s fire left in the wake of the brush of his skin at the hollow there. Another shiver of a worse kind, one of desire, one of lust, moves through you. 
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it – I’m sorry, honey.” Stupid southern charm and their stupid pet names. You clutch at his shirtfront more tightly, press your forehead harder into his sternum, and he brings his hand to your shoulder, tucking you into himself more securely. He’s huge and warm and smells faintly of salt and sweat and laundry detergent. Something clean and fresh and masculine. He smells alive. His other hand comes up to the back of your head, moving through your hair. Fucking, Sam, he murmurs above you, and you’re sure he’s shaking his head in that disappointed fatherly way. “Tell me what you were looking for. What had you lookin’ so confused and irritated in the plumbing aisle?” You’d laugh if you could, a non bitter sort, but you don’t have the ability anymore, and that makes you so angry. Angry and irrational.
“My sink’s leaking, and I can’t afford a plumber because your son divorced me and left me with no money and no house and nothing for myself, and I hate this stupid place. I hate the way it smells, and I hate that nothing’s labeled clearly, and I hate the way you men,” you shove at his chest a little bit again, “look at me like I’m some dumb little girl who doesn’t know left from right.” Even if that’s what you kind of feel like, a dumb little girl who doesn’t know left from right anymore. Slightly out of breath, you go limp and exhausted against him. His palm flattens at the center of your spine, supporting you, and it’s so fucking inappropriate. You should move away. You don’t know him well enough for this, he’s your ex-father-in-law, you shouldn't let him touch you, but should and should not and right and wrong and inappropriate or not has never really mattered to you where Joel Miller is concerned. “This is the worst place in the whole world,” you mumble, voice muffled from where your face is squished against the annoyingly hard and delicious muscles of his chest. You feel, keenly, like you’re being a little bit ridiculous, a little bit embarrassing, but his big hand is slowly moving up and down the length of your spine, soothing and comforting, and you can’t bring yourself to care. He’d been kind from the first second you’d met him, and then, at the worst moment, he’d been understanding, and you’d never really stood a chance against him either. 
You’d never had a chance with the son, you’d never stood a chance against the father, there had never really been much choice or possibility for you as a whole where either of them were concerned.
I was such a little person. Tiny in my insignificance, naivety, hope. Desperate to be as good as I could be, and pathetic in my failure to make myself into what I thought the world wanted of me. 
“You can’t afford–” He breathes out roughly through his nose, stopping himself from continuing. “Do y’know what it is you’re looking for? What part?” And you nod your head, still buried against him, unable or unwilling to pull away. “Let me help you,” and he says it so, so gently that it makes you want to stomp your foot and cry and throw a fit at the unfairness of it all. 
“Don’t want your help,” you can’t help the muffled whine it comes out as. All you want is for someone to help you. 
“Of course you don’t, sweetheart,” he soothes. “But let me anyway. S’the least I can do for talkin’ out of my ass.” You finally pull back, looking up at him, and he brings his thumb up to catch the wetness at the fine skin beneath your eye. “Please, don’t cry,” he whispers like it hurts him. 
And even though he’s currently catching the salt of your eyes with his fingers, you lie obstinately, “I’m not,” whispered back just as quiet. 
After he helps you find the correct piece for your sink, finally, which ends up being neither of the options you’d been previously weighing, a fact that almost sends you over the deep end again, and paying for it at his aggravating and overbearing insistence, he walks you to your car. 
“Is he still in Austin?” He asks as he holds your door open for you, your shopping bag still clutched in his hand. One of the guys on his crew had come to find him while you were checking out, but he’d sent him away with a shake of his head, said he had something to take care of. 
“I don’t know, but he sold our house.”
“Fuck– Where’re you living?” The sound of his spit curse has a wet flutter moving through you, shame following bitterly in its wake. 
“I got an apartment in the East Side.”
“And he just left you to fend for yourself? Took your fucking house?” He’s getting angry, and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him get angry. Something foreign like excitement jumps within you. 
“Well, that’s the point of divorce, Joel. You separate and are left to your own devices.” You reach for the little plastic bag, but he jerks it out of your reach. 
“He has a responsibility to you. He–”
“Again… the point of divorce.”
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, that boy,” he mutters, shaking his head. And that’s the thing of it, you think, that’s always been the crux of the issue. Sam was always a boy, has always been just a boy… there had never been any chance. “Let me come help you with the sink. Let me fix it for you.” Something to take care of, that’s what he’d said, that’s what he’d called you, what he sees you as. 
You’re shaking your head before he can even finish getting the words out, full of regret, and a wish that it could have all been different from the very start. “You know that isn’t a good idea,” and he goes silent because he does, he does know, he’d known since the first time probably. It had been obvious in the way that a secret thing can only be between the two people involved in the unsaid. “I can do it myself. Don’t worry. I’ll find a way.”
“You still got the same number?” He asks.
“Please, don’t call me. Call Sam. He’s the one that needs you. He’s the one that–”
“And who’s taking care of you? Who’s gonna take care of you, sweetheart? You need someone too, we all do.”
A flash of that earlier anger again, and you reach forward to rip the bag out of his clutch now, angry because he’s right. Because he’d always seemed to have a grossly misplaced ability to read you exactly as you are. He’d read you for what you were from the first second he’d laid eyes on you, naive and hopeful and falsely in love with a son who’d never loved either of you in return. “Maybe,” you tell him, “But that can’t be you.” He looks away from you, gruff sound of irritation passing through his clenched teeth, and he drags a heavy palm down his bearded mouth. Fuck, again that provoking spit curse. The wallpaper in that dark restroom had been covered in little blue motifs, butter yellow details sparsed throughout. It had surprised you, the pretty and delicate design in the home of a, for all intents and purposes, bachelor. It spoke of intention and attention to detail, to his space, to care of his home. That dim moment was, strangely, sickly, the brightest memory of the entire two years of your marriage. 
“You still got my number?” He presses anyways. Unheeded or uncaring of you trying to push him away, and there’s something about that, that’s pleasurable, his inability to let a thing go where you’re concerned, his unwillingness to allow you to hold him at arms length. Like he doesnt care to be kept away from you, and so he won’t. You nod your head once, face burning, molars grinding to keep yourself still and in place. You’d felt, for two years, trapped, running in place, and now left limp and exhausted and colorless, and you hope that he can’t read that exhaustion in you. For some reason, that would be more embarrassing than everything else, for him to see just how defeated you’d been left. He gives you one of those looks, those direct, piercing, aggravating looks that you’ve seen from him before, aggravating in a way that is inciting, like a relentless tongue against a slick swollen cunt, God. Your hands are shaking, and he bends his head down to your level to look at your directly, “You promise me that if you need anything, anything at all, doesn’t matter what it is – that you’ll call me. No matter the hour, no matter what it is. Promise me.” Another sharp jerk of your chin, if you talk you’ll scream or make a sound not wholly belonging to the body of a girl, woman, whatever you are. Another nod, the mute shape of an okay passing through your lips. And his face is so concerned, his hand almost lifted in the imitation of what you have to tell yourself, as a form of self preservation, is an ill intentioned caress or hug, but that you know he’d mean as nothing more than genuine comfort. You deflate in relief when he doesn’t touch you, right here, out in the open for the whole world to bear witness to. Things like that, after all, are only meant for dark, wallpapered bathrooms. He’d already taught you this. 
-
The relationship had not been what either of them had expected, Sam and Joel, from the get go. There was a smallness to his son, a pettiness and a cruelty and a spoiled rotten vein through the core of him that was incongruous with who Joel was as a man, something that was glaringly obvious to all involved. And try as he might, in those early days, they could not overcome the disparity in their personalities. The attempts from Joel at closeness had been fraught with tension and unsaid resentments, and eventually Sam had given up, stopped answering his father’s calls, evading his attempts to connect. Your marriage had spiraled into dissolution shortly after that. As if the failure to find whatever it was he’d for so long hoped for in a relationship with his father had highlighted all of the things you yourself lacked, all the ways in which you were so specifically dissatisfying to him and always would be. 
The marriage had not ended up being what either of you had hoped for, the honeymoon phase quashed and dead early on, no brightly lit halcyon. Reality had set in quickly when confronted with the disjointedness of your pairing, a bone out of place, your specific inability to please him in the ways he’d thought you would when he’d first met you. There was something about you that had always been a little bit lacking, something ascetic and cold natured about your personality at times. Since you were a child, trying to appease an unappeasable father, to emulate a singular mother. Always impossible, always falling just short of utter failure. Not so terrible that you were outwardly obvious in your mediocrity, but never everything you could be. Painfully, succinctly average. Sam had come to realize this quickly. Perhaps, unaware prior to tying himself to you because the only thing you’d ever been not average at, was being a little bit of a liar, of being placatingly complacent when the moment necessitated, manipulative in a way that you found protecting. But you see, that’s what happened when you had a cruel father who always needed appeasing, something Sam, in his abject fatherlessness, couldn't understand. Funny, you’d said that to him once, near the end, called him abjectly fatherless, his weakness a consequence of his lack of a paternal role model, and oh, how he’d hated that. Endings could bring out such cruelty in people, you’d found. 
But the manipulation of a moment had become, in some ways, your only talent. The art of superficial gratification at a moment's notice as a way to keep the people around you falsely happy and calm. Like all small and frightened creatures, you’d learned your strengths well, but as all truths do, yours had eventually surfaced. The fact that you weren’t really so appeasing in the ways he desired, not so nice, not so perfect, not so subservient. That the persona was all just a way to keep him happy as a means of getting someone to love you, to stay because you didn’t know how else to be. 
Your mother always said you could’ve been nicer to him. She was a kind, soft, patient thing. Quiet and easy and always, always, above everything else, understanding. It was the worst thing about her. A detriment, a weakness, and she resented you for your resentment, for seeing her as such, but you could never help it. Always asking you why you couldn’t just be a nice girl, a good girl. 
You didn’t think you had not been nice, not been good. You had only been yourself.
Your father had always hated that about you, you being yourself. The man you’d chosen to marry didn’t seem to like it very much either. And she’d tried to instill her better qualities in you, your mother, so you weren’t all bad all the time. There could be a brightness and a lightness and a sweetness to you sometimes, it’s true. You weren’t always all bad. But there was – is still – also a bitterness and a resentment and an anger, a screaming that you could not quell no matter how hard you tried. And so you’d attepted to give him everything you could, your husband, everything you had at your disposal in all ways, to do and be all he could have ever asked of you during those two small years of marriage. Because truly, they had felt so very small, made you even smaller. 
Everything except for sex. You’d never been able to give him that the way he’d wanted. 
At first, it had been normal, sweet, soft missionary in the darkness, tepid insinuations of orgasms, always hushed, always exactly how he wanted it. But eventually, when the other parts of you began to fail, he got mean and callous and casually cruel. And as you pulled away physically, he called you frigid, a prude, boring, cold, bad in bed, didn't know how to make a man hard. And it had made you so agonizingly insecure, already a sensitive and anxious thing when it came to your physical form, he’d beaten you down, embarrassed you, belittled you.
With time, you’d realized the truth of it which had been nothing more than that you’d never really wanted him. He had never made you desperate, he had never made you wet. It was his character, his attitude, yes, but it was also him. He just wasn’t it for you, and it wasnt that you were a prude or frigid at all, only that you needed patience and understanding and care, gentleness. Things he possessed none of. 
You just needed a little time to warm up and someone who wanted to give you that time. 
The reality that your life had not been full of varied and foolish adventures, and that time had seemed to simply slip away like an echo in the brain from one moment to the next was duly painful. A handful of months of wan and false lust, two years of cold, bitter marriage, and now, six months of barren aloneness. Too many mistakes had been made, too many regrets, three big ones that could be held like stones scorched to burn by the sun in the palm of your hand so that even if you let them go eventually, their imprint would still be scarred into your flesh afterwards forever.
So, perhaps the divorce had been painful in the moment. Or not perhaps, there was nothing uncertain about it, you’d fought tooth and nail to make it work, to keep him with you. Prostrated and humiliated and debased yourself. But with time, it became obvious that it was a fantasy you decided you should finally cast aside, as all children do childish things at a certain age. And then, it had been the easiest thing in the world. After all, and let’s be honest now for a moment, the reckoning had come in the shape of his father. That is, at the end of it, the reason you’re really here. 
Sat now, before the open cabinet below your kitchen sink, leaky pipe drip, drip, dripping monotonously in front of your glazed over eyes, you think of him. He’s a large man, intimidating and dark and stoic. Taller and broader than his son. Lush, mahogany curls streaked with silver that speak of age and experience like the smile lines around his eyes. Deeply grooved when he laughs that beautiful laugh of his. He looks exactly like the opposite of whatever his son is, like he’d have the ability to make the opposite of you, to pull out of you whatever the antithesis is of what his son was able to. It had been immediate, the nature of your thoughts towards him. The desire, the desire, the desire, you had wanted like you’d never wanted before — like an illness, like dying. 
Your marriage had been circling the drain, and then you’d met him, and it should have been innocuous. He’d been kind and polite and welcoming, but also, aloof. Holding himself at a distance, something afraid that he carried within himself, like he didn't want to hope, like he was just a little bit scared of what it meant now to have a son, something to lose. You knew a little bit about that, the worst part of it all is never the cruelty, it’s the hopelessness. Everything had become so much worse after meeting him. An unbearable sort of awareness of something that your listless, frigid self recognized as man, man, man, something like hunger. Something slanted about the desire, wrong, sure, for he was your husband's father, and yet, you wanted him. You wanted to know what he smelled and tasted like, and what the weight of his cock on your tongue would feel like. If it was bigger than his sons, you were almost positive of that, if it would stretch the corners of your mouth to near splitting, the hinges of your jaw to aching. 
You’d met your husband's father, and had realized, painfully, with uncompromising clarity, all that your husband could be, all that he was not, all that he would never be. There was no comparison between the boy and the man, and it made you hurt. 
Your eyes flit back to the screen of your open laptop and the instructional video there, popping another fuzzy peach gummy onto the flat of your tongue, mouth full of sucking sugar. You’re going to fix this sink if it’s the last thing you do, and you’re not going to think about him again. But tomorrow, you’ll start not thinking about him tomorrow. The talent of a liar never really wanes.
The apartment is quiet, nothing but the cheerful crackling of your sweet pumpkin candle and the mocking splish splash of the drain pipe. You had, in recent weeks, come to think of your abandonment as something of an accomplishment. Perhaps, your loneliness is a good thing, you’ll tell yourself as a comfort, a sort of friend; you can’t be used against yourself again in this solitude, and oh, how you’d been used. That anemia in your character, the ascetic thread of your personality had been weaponized and wielded against you until you couldn’t tell up from down and left from right. You were certain there’d been cheating, even if you’d never had any proof to confirm it, merely grateful you’d never gotten sick as way of evidence. But you knew. And it could've been so much worse for you, of course, of course it could have. But he’d left your mind so off kilter, broken and confused and not yourself. Utterly damaged in a way that was humiliating and devastating when you thought of the way you’d been, such a little person. So often, not a woman, just a little girl. 
And then his father. Joel. Seeing him today – you had never felt the way you should have felt towards him. Like your eyes were open, awake for the first time in your entire life. A man like that – he was changing. And you wanted, needed very much to be changed. Seeing him today, being presented with that reminder of what he was, how he made you feel, how he’d always made you feel. There’s something ghoulish about you concerning him – about this desire. That ascetic or anemic or under-grown, illformed thing about you, exterminated in the thrum of how alive he is. How unlike his son. You’d never known what it specifically was, never been able to categorize it, and then there had been that moment, brought so low, six feet beneath the ground sort of debased, and he’d been there and you had been – unburdened from the weight of his own son, by him, and you’re not even sure he knew the extent of it. The power he’d wielded over you in that moment in the dark. And you can’t say it out loud, what it is you’d want from him, you can’t even say out loud what it is about him that changes you as it does – not a woman, just a little girl – but you think that if you could just see him, then you’d know, or maybe you could be brave. You don’t know what it is, but you’d know it then, with him in front of you, you’d have the answer to this question that’s plagued you for so long – how to be yourself in a way that is good.
You’re pushing yourself to your feet, fueled by the thought, fingers gripped over the ledge of the counter to pull yourself up, sink forgotten, stumbling to your front door, shoving your feet into your shoes and fumbling for your keys. How to be yourself in a way that is good. 
When you were seventeen, your father had been at his angriest. Angry in that way that all angry father’s are. Loud and brutish – an anger that is cowing, a sign of true weakness. Brute force in the shape of the man who gave you life. When you think of it now, even as a grown woman, you still feel that phantom limb of fear, and you know that it isn’t normal for a grown woman to be afraid of her father, and yet you are. And then to think that you’d gone from your parents home directly to the bed of the same sort of man, one even crueler, if possible. You’re forced to laugh your singular terrible, self deprecating laugh at the irony of it – even worse, if possible. For what’s worse than a person who constantly needs to be soothed into kindness and patience and calm? 
Once, in that terrible seventeenth year, funny and strange and unknowingly perfect, you’d been gifted the Farmer’s Almanac by your elderly neighbor. She’d said that she’d read it since she was a girl, liked the peace in knowing that the year had been predicted by experts and put down on paper. It made life seem more secure, more in control in a small way. You’d needed that during that turbulent time, locked in your teenage bedroom, lulled to sleep by the sound of your father’s anger and the year’s long-range weather predictions before your blurry eyes. It was so comforting to be able to read the future in text, catastrophe or sunshine, at least it was there. You still read it to this day. And there’s no congruity to the thought now, as you crawl into your car, a ghoul in the night, banging your knee on the hastily opened car door, sprouting gooseflesh in the cold; this desire, desire, desire that is the worst thing you’ve ever felt in your whole life, and yet, you can’t bring yourself to stop because there is something about control in this moment also. Control like knowing what the future will be like on paper, control like a man who is entirely grown into himself, who knows who he is and who he is not and is not uncertain, who will not yell, who will not hurt you. He has this – your husband’s father – you know he does. There is something about control, there is something about knowing how a thing will be, there is something about being yourself in a way that is good. 
-
You’d picked up the wrong wine on your way here. Rushing, trying to fix your makeup in the car, you’d gotten confused, chosen the one he didn’t want instead of the one he did. And it was nothing, or an accident, surely nothing to incite his ire, but he’s so fucking angry hovering in front of you. He looks at you, now sometimes, like he hates you, like you’re the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. He said you’d humiliated him in front of his father. That he was going to think he didn’t have good taste, couldn’t afford a decent bottle of wine. And you don’t know Joel very well, but he doesn’t seem like the type of man to care about such things. Calling you an idiot in that poisoned shrill tone he takes on when he’s delivering a set down, and you’re trying to tell him to please, please keep your voice down, Sam, your father is going to hear you. You’d heard someone say once that a truly powerful man never feels the need to raise his voice, it simply isn’t necessary for him, and you’re reminded, terribly, of your father, with the sight of your shrill and seething husband in front of you.  And then a low toned that’s enough, son from the mouth of the kitchen, and it’s so much worse, entirely catastrophic in a way, and you’re rushing away so humiliated, face on fire, tear caught over the trough of your lower lid, trying the doors in the hallway for the nearest restroom. You hear the murmur of voices, one struggling to maintain composure, the other, cool and steady, then the slam of the front door, and finally, the silent din of his house settling around the two of you as you find a restroom to hide in. Your heart beats so fast it makes you nauseous, knees strangely aching, listening to the heavy steps of Joel’s boots, as if he’s trying to warn you with those measured, weighted thuds that he’s coming, coming, coming for you. Turning to face the far corner of the restroom, you press your palm over your mouth, face slippery and burning and so stupid, the soft swoosh of the opening door, a paused breath as he takes in your form huddled into the wallpaper, and then the muted snick of the door closing behind him, shutting the two of you away together.
Part II
Netherfeildren's Masterlist
Updates Blog!
1K notes · View notes
a-hazbin-reader · 3 months
Note
Oooo Vox! How about Vox with a unnaturally unlucky SO? And it's always been like that and how they died as well!
(Also calling Vox their lucky charm and how he's the most luck they ever had and needed)
Man Y/N really is unlucky landing Vox as a S/O-
Tumblr media
I'M JOKING I LOVE THIS
Vox X Reader Headcanons
✅️Romantic
❌️Platonic
Tumblr media
TW: Second hand embarrassment for Y/N, Valentino being harmed
Description: ☝️⬆️
Not Y/N accidentally getting placed in Hell because of some unlucky mix up-
When you first told Vox you were unlucky, he didn't really believe you and just thought you were being dramatic
And sure you've had a few bad luck incidents that he's seen but nothing that really stands out to him
It's not until he's in a relationship with you that he realizes you weren't fucking joking around when you said it
You really are unlucky
In just a day you've somehow managed to trip and ruin one of Velvette's outfits and completely disfigure her model
You caught Valentino's wings on fire while trying to make a sandwich and when you went to put it out you made it worse by throwing oil on him
Good
You broke four of Vox's cameras, five of his stage lights and broke his chair all while he was live
And all that doesn't even begin to cover the mayhem you caused just last week
Somehow you keep running into Alastor and that's a whole headache in itself
You stress him out so much that if he had hair it would be white and falling out of his head
But Vox will be damned if you aren't just the most precious thing in his life, you're too adorable to get rid of
No matter how much trouble you are to keep
You're so fucking adorable Vox isn't letting you go
Whenever he starts to feel himself getting irritated with you, he just looks at your apologetic face and melts
"Sorry Vox...I guess I just need to stick closer to my lucky charm next time, huh?"
Fuck he loves you
"Just-get over here and hold still!"
Keeps you in his lap because it's the only way to keep you from causing trouble with your horrible bad luck
Not at all because he loves having you close and because his heart skips a few beats when you lean into him or because you smell so perfect-
"Vox? Your screen is all hot and glitchy...are you alright?"
He's fine, babe
Honestly can't get enough of you and genuinely believes he can keep your unlucky nature at bay if he keeps you with him at all times
You managed to trip and toss a dozen fragile, expensive things into the air???
Don't worry, Vox is scrambling to catch them all in a hilariously cartoonish manner
You got lost and now Alastor is contacting him and telling Vox to come get his curse out of Alastor's hotel??
Vox will be there and won't even start a fight, the hotel has been beaten up enough by you and your bad luck as it is
He's kinda proud of you for that one tho
He can't even be mad, it's so obvious that some supernatural force is out to get you
There's no way you're just naturally this unlucky
And he can't just dump you, no matter what Valentino says, fuck him
If he dumps you then you'll be at the mercy of your unluck and nobody will be around to save you
And Vox wants to be the one who saves you, he wants you to depend on him more than anything else
Whenever he sees the grateful look on your face after he bails you out of trouble he's reminded of how much he loves you all over again
Can't resist the urge to take you into his arms and rub his face screen on you, no he won't put you down
With him around to clean up your messes, maybe he really is your good luck charm
Vox really starts to believe it
But then your bad luck strikes again and his migraine is back
Good luck charm his ass
Tumblr media
I REALLY REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE THIS ONE 💗
597 notes · View notes
nikkisheep · 1 year
Text
Fever
Dean Winchester x female reader
Warnings: DIRTY SMUT!!!!! dirty talk, oral (Fem r) Supernatural things, sex pollen, swearing
I got carried away
Summary: After getting hit with some kind of powder from the witch hunt, you and Dean have to deal with the affects.
Tumblr media
The hunt was brutal. It was supposed to be one witch who were making people somehow die from unnatural reasons. It was a lot more complex and more difficult to track her down.
By the time that we found something, she pressed a button on the wall before disappearing. The only thing left was a deep red smoke that filled every sense you and Dean owned. You both coughed, wheezing from the inhalition of the foriegn to your lungs.
"You alright?" Dean asked, looking for you in the smoke.
Everything was red and you could barely see.
"I'm fine."
----
The drive was uncomfortable. It was too hot, too cold. It was like your body couldn't decide which it was. Dean was the same way. He was panting and sweating. The tension between the two of you were so thick.
"Dean, it's too hot."
"I know but we are almost to the hotel."
You felt a rush of arousal flood your panties at his voice. For some reason, his voice was deeper. More raspy, less controlled.
See, the thing with you and Dean was simple. You both found each other extremely attractive but neither of you wanted to admit it. But whatever the smoke was, was clouding up your mind with lust.
----
Throwing yourself in the shower, you quickly take a very long time. You needed to calm down. You were so turned on that you could barely touch your body without moaning at the sensitivity. You were still burning with desire when you got out of the shower, only to see that you forgot your clothes in the room.
You wrapped the small towel around yourself before moving to the door. When you cracked it open, Dean could be seen cleaning his guns. You watched from the steamy room and you admired his beauty. His arms flexed as he looked down at the gun currently in his hands. Oh god those hands. You wondered what they would feel like touching your--
"Hey, you good?" Dean called out.
You looked at him, gripping onto the towel as he moves to place the gun down. You let out a whimper when his fingers rubbed the barrel.
"Do you need something?"
"Yeah, I forgot my clothes. Can you bring them here?" You asked shyly.
He grabbed your clothes from the bed. When he brushed your fingertips as he handed them to you, he looked like he was in pain. His pupils dilated and looked like he wanted to devour you right there.
"Here you go, sweetheart."
"Dean, there is something wrong. I don't know why but I need to fuck someone," You said without any second thought. You blinked in surprise, so did Dean.
"Son of a bitch, Bobby had ran into something like this years ago. He called it "Sex Pollen" and the only cure is to fuck it out of your system."
"What happens if you don't?"
"Then you die from pain and fever."
----
And that is how you found yourself dropping the towel, slammed against the wall beside the bathroom. Dean's hands were gripping at your body as if it was his life line. He nipped at your throat as you grabbed at his hair. He groaned against you before pulling your leg over his hip, allowing himself closer to your warmth. You threw your head back against the wall as he mouthed at your chest.
Everything was too much and not enough at the same time. You needed him so badly. Your core was getting more soaked with every brush of his tongue against your collarbones.
"Dean," You moan out as he bites your breast.
"Fuck, I love you saying that."
He picked you up before moving you to a table. After throwing everything to the floor, he slams you down, and gets on his knees. Your breathing was getting caught in your throat as you watched him spread your thighs, before licking a bold strip up your pussy. Your hand shoots to his hair. You were a panting, moaning mess as he ate you like a starved man. He slipped his tongue inside of you before replacing it with his thick digts.
"Shit, sweetheart, you are soaked. Did I do this to you?"
"Yes, Dean. Only you."
"Fuck, you're squeezing me and I only got one in."
"Dean!"
"I know, sweetheart, I know."
He pumps his finger more before he adds another. The stretch felt heavenly as you fell back on the table. He had to place his hand over your hips to keep you from moving. He drank up everything that your sweet cunt had to offer. He wanted it to never stop leaking and now that he had a taste, he never wanted to let go of his forbidden sweet.
White hot pleasure blinded you as you orgasmed. All of your muscles tensed as you felt like you were floating. You had became boneless as Dean stood over you, pulling his pants down as he kisses your neck. He pulled himself out of his confindments and he was BIG. You gulped at the thought of his dick being in your throat but it was quickly forgotten when he pressed the tip to your warmth.
He looks at you, even though he was in pain, he still wanted permission. You nodded but he shook his head.
"Words, darling."
"Dean please fuck me plea-" you were cut off as he thrusted in deep.
You felt him in your throat, you were so full. You felt like you had died for a second before you felt the ridges of his cock move against your tight walls.
"Fuck, you're so tight," Dean hissed as he pushed in.
"Baby, I have to go faster." He said as he pulled you closer to the edge of the table before he rammed into you.
Everything felt so good. You felt another climax coming but you didn't want this to end. Dean could tell you were getting close so he picked you up off the table, not stopping his thusts, and layed you on the bed. He moved against you as the two of you touched each other's body for the first time. His hand moved to your clit and started rubbing little circles on it.
"Oh fuck, Dean.''
"Say it again," He pants against you.
You chant his name as though it is the only word you knew. As of right now, it was the only one you could think of. Your orgasm crashes on you but when you thought it was over, you were drowning in pleasure again. Dean continued to move against you, kissing your lips and neck. He wanted to remember everything that he could about your body. As if this was the last time he would be able to do so.
Dean was thrusting to his end point but before he could pull out, you pressed on the bottom of his back with your heels so he was locked with you.
"Wha-What are you doing? I gotta pull out."
"Please cum in me, Dean." You begged. He looked at you with a moan and spilled inside of you.
The two of you laid there, kissing and touching each other. Your hands roamed his back while his cock and body was ready to move again. He pulled out slowly but not without a hiss. You went to get up but he told you to stay put so he can get a bath running. He went to the bathroom to do so and came back to pick you up. The side effects from the sex pollen had gone away completely and the soreness started to set in. But you loved it.
"Come on, sweetheart." He helped you into the tub and climbed in behind you.
The two of you just laid against each other in the warm water, in complete silence. Your friendship was over now and you didn't have a clue as to what to do. Dean was the first to break the silence.
"I love you, darling."
You blinked. Did you hear him right?
"What?"
"I said I love you. I have loved you for a long time now," He confessed. His arms wrapped around you.
"I love you too, Dean." You smile against his shoulder.
"Good cause I was terrified to say that," He laughed, slightly shaking the water.
"So was I but I am happy I did."
He pulled you closer to give you a kiss before letting the two of you relax in the bubbles and warm water.
6K notes · View notes
hikarry · 4 months
Text
Everyone that has met Crowley (and didn't get too involved with the supernatural. I'm looking at you, Maggie and Nina) sees him as sleek, and stylish, and modern, and cool, and suave (and, honestly, hot as fuck. Wouldn't be surprised if half of Soho desired him). And that's exactly the image he tries to portray to the populace in general. He's a cool guy with a cool outfit and a cool car and he doesn't have a care in the world.
Tumblr media
This is helped by the fact that he rarely talks to anyone outside of Aziraphale. If you notice, in the show, Crowley never goes after any human to converse like Aziraphale does. He keeps quiet. Keeps to himself. Cultivating that aura of mystery. He only talks to others if the circumstances force him into it. Alas, he is (mostly) polite and charming about it, but it's not something he seeks
Tumblr media
Even Maggie and Nina only had a peek under the curtain and saw a bit of the mess of feelings thats under Crowley's skin and that's because both Aziraphale and Crowley kept fucking around with them.
In the whole world, Aziraphale is the only one who KNOWS him. His imperfections and little detail of his soul. He's the only one who knows how actually ridiculous Crowley's laugh is. His sarcasm. His worried expression. The way he mumbles over consonants without saying shit when he gets caught off guard or nervous. The way he uses his hands a lot when he's drunk.
Sure, Aziraphale still thinks he is hella cool and suave and chill, but he also has a front seat view to how much of an dork he actually is.
Tumblr media
It's been 6000 thousand years and Crowley let Aziraphale (99%) in. (Yes, 99% because Crowley would never let anyone see him cry. Not even Aziraphale. Almost, but not quite)
And now, Aziraphale is gone. For the first time since Eden, Crowley is absolutely alone. There's no one in the surface of the Earth that actually knows him. With whom he can relax and put down the mask for a little bit. He has no other choice but hide behind the curtain perpetually because he doesn't trust anyone else.
Tumblr media
And if given another 6000 years without Aziraphale, I doubt he would let the mask down with anyone else like he did the angel.
He has made that mistake once, he wouldn't let himself make that mistake again. Because he is the bitten one that trusts no one.
684 notes · View notes
denwritesandcries · 26 days
Text
Hug me Tighter – Sam Carpenter
Tumblr media
Pairing: sam carpenter x fem!reader
Summary: You’re only trying to make your girlfriend take a nap with you, the fact that it’s in a hospital bed after one of the worst nights of your lives doesn't really matter.
Word count: 1,8k.
Content: post-scream VI, cursing, tooth-pudding fluff, mentions of violence, cuddling, pet names, long dialogues, REALLY soft gfs.
A/N: Damn, this might be the sweetest and cheesy thing I’ve ever written. Could also be an AU, since Anika is alive, or just Scream, if they could actually be happy.
English is not my first language.
You realized that you were waking up at a terribly slow pace, as if everything was suddenly in slow motion and even the smallest movement took hours to run and every second was longer than the previous one. Your body feels heavy and comfortably warm, resting on perhaps the best bed in which you've ever slept. You blinked slowly, failing to keep your eyes open, every movement of your eyelids almost making you fall into unconsciousness again.
Your body shudders with the feeling of a long yawn crossing you and you turn your head to bury your face back in the location and go to sleep again, only to be surprised when you come across hot skin instead of what your brain thought was a really soft pillow. It is only then that you register a movement against your back, light and constant, almost as smooth as your own sleepy state, climbing and descending your spine and enveloping you even more in this security bubble almost supernaturally.
Another weight lies between your neck and your head, right at the point of your wrist and there's another heavier resting on the top of your head, although you're sure of the mess your hair should be right now. Your hands grope and instinctively grab a handful of familiar fabric beneath you, feeling the texture of a sweater you knew very well.
“Sam,” your hoarse voice breaks the silence.
You were tempted to let the darkness and the inviting fog of sleep consume you again as you relaxed and held another yawn, but your resting place vibrated with a low laugh.
“‘M sorry, baby. Did I wake you?”
“Nah,” you denied with a satisfied sigh, sinking against her body.
The chin on your head pulled away and the hand on your back stopped and you immediately missed the contact, finally opening your eyes and lifting your head to protest.
“You're feeling better?”
Sam's question catches you off guard and you pause, staring into your girlfriend's soft brown eyes and raised eyebrow with confusion. Frowning, you finally decide to take a look at the place you are in and come across a messy white room with machines nearby. A hospital room.
The events of the last few hours come back to you in a quick, jumbled flash. The confrontation with the Ghostfaces, the deaths, the police, the ambulance... and the surgery, because of course in addition to all the terror and threats of the last few days you also ended up being stabbed.
Well, that explains why you feel so sluggish then. You're high on drugs. That is, if the IV prick in your arm is any indication.
The hand on the back of your neck moves up towards your face, fingers tracing the contour of your chin and jaw, thumb rubbing soft circles on your cheek, your body relaxes and you lean into her touch, sighing all too contentedly at the affection. The memory of waking up a lot more groggy before and convincing Sam to lay down too when you found her sitting next to the hospital bed holding your hand tightly slowly returning to your hazy mind. She was a little hesitant at first, but it wasn't that difficult to convince her to hold you with the excuse that it would only be for a few minutes. You bet it must have been a few hours already.
“Hm,” you murmured absently, stretching against her, “I’m definitely feeling much better now.”
“That's good,” your girlfriend huffed softly, “I can't feel my legs in this position anymore.”
That caught your attention.
“Am I too heavy?” You ask, lifting your head to examine her for any bruises from the previous fight, “I can move if it’s hurting you.”
“No,” She squeezes you tighter quickly, “I’m good here.”
Sam's own eyes were half-lidded, almost closing over the last few minutes you were asleep, but she refused to give in to the urge to doze off too. It would have been such a waste when she could just hug you and breathe properly for the first time since the last few hellish weeks you've all had.
The TV on the wall had long since been muted, with the image of some random animal documentary flickering in the background. Sam's head rested against the pillows and your body lay happily spread over hers – and she looked perfectly satisfied for someone who had complained and complained about your puppy dog ​​eyes before.
Somewhere between convincing Sam to lie down and pretending to pay attention to the screen, you ended up falling asleep, one of your arms hanging lazily over the side of the bed. Sam realized this instantly, feeling your weight finally relax on her. It made her relax too. Not completely. Sam was never completely relaxed, no matter how tired she was, not anymore, especially not after a night like that. But she managed to feel good enough to enjoy the moment.
The environment was as welcoming as any hospital could be, but her embrace brought a sense of security that lulled you perfectly to sleep and the knowledge that everyone was okay and in the next room allowed Sam to let her guard down. Yet falling asleep and losing that, the feeling that nothing could happen as long as she held you tight and ran her fingers over your warm skin, seeing and hearing every sleepy sound and movement you made – from a tired sigh as you fit, to one of your hands founding the collar of her sweater and grabbing it, holding her close – it would be a waste.
“You sure?” You hesitate, searching her eyes for any hint of hidden discomfort.
Sam sighs, nodding: “You wouldn’t believe how comfortable I am right now.”
“Okay then,” you rest your ear on her chest, feeling her head nod and her heart bumping, still a little high. A yawn crosses your lips, “But let me know if you need me to move.”
She hums in response and you fall into a comfortable silence for a while, the sound of machines running and your soft breaths in the same rhythm left you trying your hardest not to fall asleep again until you felt your girlfriend's chest vibrate beneath you again in a barely contained laugh.
“You’re cute when you’re tired.”
“Huh?” you muttered, lifting your drooping head and finally refocusing your vision on her.
“I should probably get up now, let you get some rest.” Sam said, reluctantly removing her arms from you so she could move away.
You shook your head, grabbing one of her hands and letting them fall to the side of the bed, swinging freely in the air.
“No, I’m good here.” You echoed, denying nonchalantly. You let your head find a place on her neck, making her lie back against the pillows.
Sam sighed against you slowly, much more out of satisfaction – and relief – than annoyance at your insistence, returning to the task of running her fingers down your back until you spoke again.
“Where’s Tara?” You ask, voice muffled by the face buried in her neck, “And the twins?”
“They're watching Anika.” She responds and you get alarmed, before Sam reassures you, “She's gonna be alright, she just needs to stay in the hospital for a while longer. And also a lot of rest. Like you, by the way.”
“I am resting.”
If Sam hadn't been fighting sleep for over an hour now, she would have a wide, stupid grin plastered on her face at the sound of your indignant mumble. Since that wasn't the case, she contented herself with a small smile.
“Whatever you say, amor.”
She surrenders, completely this time, without any more false attempts to leave. Sam felt as if you were the one rocking her and not the other way around, as if nothing else could touch her, even for a little while. There were no worries about horrible jobs, breakdowns in therapy, pressure with college exams and much less paranoia about the existence of cinematic serial killers. Nothing else could exist in your – literal – white room. Just the two of you in that small bed.
Each synchronized breath of your chest next to hers pressed her own ribs, the delicate breath sending delicious shivers down her spine and making her completely aware of how close your bodies were and shocking her at how it still didn't feel close enough.
“I love you,” she says. Rasped, you barely hear it. “I love you so freaking much that sometimes I just want to drown into your chest and curl up between your ribs, with your heart.” She takes a breath, then pauses, hesitantly: “...Is that too weird?”
“...Well,” you gasp, heart completely racing against your ears, “No weirder than what we already go through on a daily basis, I guess.”
Sam groaned at your response, feeling like a lovesick teenager in one of the movies Tara and Mindy love to make fun of. Rambling poetically about her passion.
But, screw it, that's exactly what she is, right? Sam thought. Let her have it. She deserves it.
(Her therapist would definitely pat her on the back for that thought.)
Unlike what Sam thought she should feel with the realization of that thought, her heart didn't skip a beat uncomfortably, her hands didn't get sweaty and cold with the doubt of how to deal with this. It kept pounding in that same slow, steady, familiar rhythm, with one of the most precious and loved people of her life completely aware of how she felt.
“I feel like drowning into your chest all the time too.”
Her favorite place in the world was anywhere you were together and it was physically impossible to be closer than that at the moment, although she wouldn't give up trying.
It was pure and simple happiness. Warmth and security that captured her stomach and left it churning with what felt like a million bubbles popping simultaneously.
When you first came to her life and Sam realized being falling for you, she thought her love would swallow her. That it would be something she would keep to herself until it exploded. You seemed to have made it your mission to prove her otherwise.
“I didn’t say ‘all the time’ tho.”
Here you were, together and fine.
“Oh, shut up.”
Your grip on Sam's hand tightened in very bad feigned irritation and when you rose quickly to give her a kiss, your girlfriend burst into laughter and your lips hit her strong jaw instead.
“That tickles, baby.”
“I was shooting for your lips, but you moved.” You simply shrugged, leaning into her again and this time she met you on the way, a stupid smile growing between you and breaking the kiss too soon. You lay back down and Sam took a long breath, leaving one last kiss on your forehead.
This time, when her head feels heavy and droops from sleep, Sam does nothing to stop it, letting the feeling finally consume her.
Nothing, not even in her most vivid fantasies, had ever been so perfect.
And if by chance Tara ends up sending Sam a photo of the two of you napping the next day when everyone is getting ready to go home and it becomes the new wallpaper on her phone, well… that's nobody's business.
332 notes · View notes