#Someone must have been intensely manifesting me drawing this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blind-alchemists · 3 years

Text

Meta-Analysis of the Rift Mage Specialization

I said in February I was going to do it, and it only took me seven months to follow through!

Anyway. Analyzing game-play elements for narratives purposes has become somewhat of a hobby of mine ever since I really got into GameLit. Then, I started "fangs" and felt that my fight scenes were boring, so I build ability trees reminiscent of DA:I's for my OCs. You know, as you do. During that process, though, the lack of banter acknowledging several choices struck me as odd. Especially regarding specializations. Especially when it comes to Solas'.

We’ll be taking a look at (in order)

1. Description

2. Codex Entry

3. Skills

a. in comparison to DA: II’s Primal & Force Mage

4. Specialization Dialogue with Solas

5. Conclusion

Disclaimer: I talk a lot (this post might have about 2.5k). And, I promise you, you'll be tired of seeing 'the Fade this' and 'the Veil that' at the end of it.

Description

“These mages draw upon the force of the Fade, either pulling matter from the Fade to attack or twisting the Veil itself into a weapon to stagger or crush their enemies.”

[source – DA wiki; bolding mine]

So, lore-wise, mages do ‘draw upon the Fade’. Sure. But do they ‘pull matter from the Fade’? Absolutely not.

Physical things and the Fade rarely mix well. Plus – this is mainly my theory – the way magic is utilized (the 'drawing upon the Fade part') requires it to pass through the Veil. Magic being a form of energy, and thus not physical, does not constitute to ‘pulling matter from the Fade’.

That's the first thing other mages (read: Dorian, Vivienne, possible the Inquisitor) should (or could) have referenced in banter/dialogue.

The rest of the sentence ('twisting the Veil into a weapon') is also highly interesting, since there is little known about the Veil. Nobody knows how it works. And, thus, nobody should be capable enough to manipulate it consistently enough to use it as a weapon. But considering it's Solas who gets this specialization - well. He knows the Veil well enough, don't you think? (Which is why I think Rift Mage should have been Solas' personal, individual specialization like Fenris' Lyrium Ghost, but I just really like personalized skill trees in general.)

However, having answered that question, connecting magic so closely to the very thing can be described as a “magical vibration that repels the Fade”, I'm curious about how it would work. Since, you know, mages are inevitably tied to the Fade. Wouldn't the Veil repel a try to manipulate it by a mage? Is using mana the same thing as drawing energy from the Fade? If so, it would be straight-up impossible to actually use such a method for any ordinary mage (read: not Solas). If mana can be used without the Fade, it would be possible, but is such a thing feasible? Can you switch between spells and Veil quickly enough without horrific consequences such as possibly tearing yourself apart?

Very interesting topic. Would love to go into it more, but at that point, I'd become subjective, so let's end it here.

To summarize: Rift mages do things (physically pulling things from the Fade plus using the Veil) normal mages don't do. There is also a chance, logically speaking, that no one else but Solas (or mage!Inquisitor) can accomplish such a feat without dying a horrific death.

Codex Entry

From "Power Bleeds: Harness the Flow." Your Trainer's words make one passage stand out:

There are no tomes dedicated to this manipulation. There has been no time for academics, only the practical—and not in a manner that mitigates risk. Power in a raw form has found an outlet, both visible and in ways that only we of arcane proclivity can sense. The risk is great.

An account:

From this page forward, these are the notes of Thelric. They began as the work of my mentor Julion, and I will continue in the research she began, as she cannot, because she is dead. The rift we were examining did not react well to her last investigation. We believed ourselves prepared for demonic manifestation. We were not prepared for how the energies we expected would be encountered. Well-versed in the forces that magic can produce, my senior was surprised by an alteration, a deviance. That which previously had to be coaxed is now a flood that must be staunched. The same amount in different intensity, quick to expose fault in the way it is accessed. She drew too much, expecting resistance. There was none, and her form suffered the brunt. Tread carefully in studies of new matters, for I cannot unsee the end of her.

Scattered symbols and sketches follow.

[source – DA wiki; bolding mine]

Apparently DA:I has a thing for hiding the true horror in Codex Entries and off-hand comments.

Here, we learn one key fact: The school of Rift Magic is relatively new ('no tomes dedicated to this manipulation'). I think it's safe to assume the possibility - and thus research concerning it - emerged around the time the Breach appeared. So it's new, people have no idea what they're doing, but it somehow works. A little like the whole time magic thing, funnily. (That brings me back to a lot of questions I have about the Veil: Just how powerful is it? Just how deeply is it intervened with Thedas?)

Reading further, the entry seems to (only) stress how dangerous Rift Magic is. Who would have thought! No, really, it's a fair point to empaphize. I'm not certain the Trainer and his previous teacher (or anyone else but Solas) know what kind of role the Veil plays in this, and so of course experiments are going to get ugly. The Veil holds a much greater importance than the people of Thedas realize.

And, in a very similar vein: The people of Thedas don't know much about directly interacting with the Fade through, say, a rift, which poses another risk. The wiki entry establishes two things in particular that are relevant here: Using spells (in the Fade itself) has unpredictable results, and one can draw unprecedented power from it while sleeping.

The codex entry cited above proves that. A rift is a direct connection to the Fade, and thus unpredictable ('She drew too much, expecting resistance. There was none') and that power is too much to handle ('her form suffered the brunt').

My theory is that, while a certain flunction is natural to the Fade, the Veil also plays a role here. Which I'm not sure. But it has one.

Personally, I wouldn't be sure the risks of a horrific death outweigh the benefits of power, but let's look more in depth at that!

Skills

Which brings me to the abilities themselves.

The first two you can choose from are Veilstrike and Stonefist. (Which I think should have had their names changed but, oh, well.)

Veilstrike: “You recreate your own fist from the essence of the Fade and smash nearby foes to the ground.” (Upgrades being Punched Down and Wounded Veil, but they don’t have anything interesting for this analysis. Note the names, though.)

Curious here is the 'recreate [...] from the essence of the Fade' part here. On first glance, it sounds like a rather ordinary spell, right? But it's not. That's just the 'hiding in plain sight for the first playthrough' aspect of Solas' character.

Mages do shape their spells with energy from the Fade (as far as my assumptions go). Maybe they can also recreate something. I'll give them that much. But the essence of the Fade - the inherit, unchanging nature of it - can't be manipulated by them. I think that's specifically a trait only Dreamers can have. (More evidence for my 'Rift Mage should have been Solas' personalized, individual specialization' hc!)

There is an argument to be made if this already constitutes for 'pulling matter from the Fade', but this isn't even the funkiest part yet.

Stonefist: “You summon a boulder from the Fade and smash it into your target, sending them flying.” (Upgrades being Shatterstone and Unblockable Force.)

'Summon a boulder from the Fade', you know, as in, bring physical matter from the Fade to the other side of the Veil. A thing that is pretty much unheard of. Remembers what happens to spirits when they pass violently through the Veil? There is an entire game dealing with that. (I mean, stones won't hopefully turn into demons, but my point is that bringing things through, usually, is not a wise idea.

Another thing someone could have commented on.

Passives: Restorative Veil, Encircling Veil, Smothering Veil, Twisting Veil.

Unfortunately, neither of these descriptions give me much, but they all have the ‘Veil’ component in their name, so that’s interesting.

Upon closer inspection, the Veil can function in a variety of ways: speeding up mana recovery, further weakening enemies, boosting your own damage. (Veilstrike being an example of a means of attack.)

Now, my question here would be: Do over mages notice changes in the Veil? Do they feel it shift and bend? If not, well, that's one thing. if they do, even subconsciously, I'd want banter. (I want a lot of banter, though. Just generally speaking.)

Pull of the Abyss: “You create a tiny rift that pulls enemies toward a central point.” (Upgrades being Shaken Veil and Devouring Veil.)

I can live with never hearing anything about everything else. Sure. But this one? This damned skill? You're telling me I read that the first time I played the game, nodded, and that was it?

'You can create a tiny rift-' I'm sorry, do you what now? After a good a couple of hours of learning just how bad rifts are?

And the upgrade names. Shaken Veil, Devouring Veil - is there anything this thing can't do, except for becoming more and more horrifying and giving me bad vibes ofr whatever DA4 will do with it?

Firestorm: “You summon flaming meteors, raining fire down upon enemies all over the area for the next several seconds. This ability consumes and is powered by focus.”

This one is ... honestly, I don't like it being here. It's an AOE skill, which does fit in with the rest, but it's fire and it seems rather randomly assigned compared to other focus abilities with a more personal note (Haste, Rampagne, Cloak of Shadows, Mark of the Rift).

Doesn't give a lot here to analyze, except that raining down flaming meteors is the level of (global) destruction I can see happening in the future if Solas isn't stopped. So. That's fun.

(It's the ultimate skill in the Fire/Ice tree in DA:II, or at least the ability there has the same name.)

DA: II Comparison

Nearing the end, I'll take a brief look at the Force Mage specialization from DA:II and the Primal base skill tree for mages. Both have some interesting similarities.

First, Primal.

Stonefist: “The mage hurls a stone projectile that strikes with massive force.”

It's only the name and the effect, honestly, but it is curious to see it in a skill tree that focuses exclusively on the elements earth and lightning. (Because Pride demons also use electricity ... yeah, yeah. I'm reading too much into this.)

Petrify: “The mage entombs an enemy in stone, leaving the foe temporarily unable to move. However, the target becomes more resistant to damage for the duration of the spell.”

This has nothing to do with Rift Mage, but in light of Trespasser, I'll just leave it here for your consideration. Petrifying people is neither new nor exclusive to Evanruis.

Now, onto Force Mage.

Fist of the Maker: “The mage slams enemies into the ground with incredible power, against which armor is no protection.”

The effect sounds like Stonefist (Primal) and Veilstrike.

Pull of the Abyss: “The mage conjures a maelstrom of energy that draws enemies to its center while slowing them to a crawl.”

This one is similar to the Rift Mage skill with the same name, so it might have served as an inspiration (or base).

Overall, though: nothing much to say here. Maybe I could talk more about Rift Mage being focused on crowd control, but that is probably for game-play balance. I could connect that to Solas' character and analyze every little thing to death. I'm not doing it, though.

Specialization Dialogue

Solas: You have begun practicing new magical forms. Interesting. You seem to be drawing upon the raw substance of the Fade, likely using your mark as a catalyst. I use similar techniques, although it took me years to learn that. Why did you choose such an esoteric area of study?

Inquisitor: (if chosen) I hoped that studying such magic would me help better understand the Fade.

Solas: While our fight affords little time for formal study, the wise can better themselves even in the midst of battle. Perhaps especially then. I hope your new studies serve you well.

[source]

Let’s go through this slowly.

‘You seem to be drawing upon the raw substance of the Fade-’ Alright, we’ve talked about that. Makes sense he’d comment on it. ‘likely using your mark as a catalyst’ Sorry? The Inquisitor is doing what? I’m not saying it’s not possible, I’m just saying it might not be an overly smart idea to use the Anchor in that way. Because it’s attached to the Inquisitor’s arm. And because the Inquisitor knows what happens if it snaps out of control. So, purposefully doing something that might cause you agonizing pain? Mh. Yeah. No, thanks.

Also. The 'drawing upon the raw substance of the Fade' part makes me think that the Anchor does give the Inquisitor Dreamer-like abilities. Forcefully, and possibly difficult to control, and the Inquisitor might not be aware of it, but. That would be an interesting aspect to explore.

‘I use similar techniques, although it took me years to learn that’. Well. Yeah. Mostly a sound response, except I’m not really sure it's true. Why does he say years? Because he didn’t go right to sleep after creating the Veil, or because he studied such methods theoretically beforehand? I doubt he refers to the time Inquisition spans, because it’s not that long, cannocially, (isn't it like ... a year? I forget what the devs said), but … I don’t know. It doesn't sit right with me. Solas never truly outright lies, so there is probably some merit in it.

‘Why did you choose such an esoteric area of study?’ That’s … an interesting way to ask. Sure, there is a very small group who has this specialized knowledge, but it feels a little like deflection.

The rest of the conversation doesn’t give much for me to analyze.

Conclusion

TL;DR: There should have been banter. Or Rift Mage should have been a personalized, individual specialization.

Pull of the Abyss is the funkiest skill in the entire game, from a meta-perspective, because tearing a hole into the Veil is the opposite of what the Inquisitor is trying to do.

There are also many more questions than answer to take away from this regarding the Veil and the Fade and how Solas manages not to blow his cover, but I believe there are theories about at least the two former points out there.

I thank you very much for bearing with me for this long!

#dragon age #dragon age meta #meta #rift mage #solas #analysis #rift mage specialization #skill tree #ability tree #analyzing game-play-elements for narrative purposes #long post #even for my standards

25 notes · View notes

mintseesaw · 4 years

Text

Aurora | 2

aurora - n. dawn Pairing: general!jungkook x princess!reader Genre: angst, smut, historical au, joseon dynasty au, established relationship au, secret love affair au Word count: 7.9k Warnings: smut, outdoor sex, rough sex, details of struggles due to war, manifestation and mentions of hallucinations, lewd dreams, manifestation of character dynamic Summary: A story that centers on a forbidden love affair amidst the centuries-long war of greed and power. Rating: explicit mature content Disclaimer: based on King Sejong’s time, yet is fictional and not historically accurate note: uhm,,, I’m sorry?? yfasksksdkh song recs for this chapter: still with you (jungkook) and through the night (IU)

With your back facing the front lawn of the house kneeling as you lay the fresh mint leaves onto the fabric covered bamboo mat, you scramble in your feet when you hear the distinct sound of the wicket opening to reveal the person you have been expecting home for an hour ago. That was what Jungkook had caught you up in, drying some greens for his daily dose of tea he has grown fond of over the course of months of your marriage.

“Jungkook, you’re back. What did the king want from you?” You asked, expectantly. Of course, he had anticipated your curiosity when the king, whom you have no contact with since your marriage, suddenly summoned him. Your husband. Jungkook did not respond as he greets you with an embrace and a soft peck on top of your head. “Seobang-nim,” you call, however, Jungkook has other intentions rather than entertain your curiosity. “I miss you, wife.” He mumbles against your temple. Your mouth slowly curves into a smile. His sweet, little remarks always win a reaction from you. “You saw me before you went to the palace.” “Still…” Jungkook trails, proceeding with his very intention through the tiny prurient squeezes of his palms on your hips. Adamant to know more about his itinerary, you lightly pull back to peer at your indifferent husband. His grip intentionally loosens, but not enough to let you go. Yet, it was an opportunity for you to increase your proximity. “Tell me, what was the purpose of your visit? Why would His Majesty suddenly summon you?” With your tilted head and focused, expectant eyes, waiting for him to supply you an answer, he draws a heavy sigh. “He wants me back in the service. Did it answer your curiosity, wife? Now, can I indulge my breakfast? I did not have a proper meal last night, wife.” He sentiments, with a trickle of provocative tone in his whisper. He sees you peeking from your eyelashes, giving him a glare, as if silently scolding him for obnoxiously lying through his teeth. However, before you could accuse him of anything, a small yelp instead broke out from your throat as Jungkook lunges forward, using his obvious advantage to make his lewd thoughts a reality. Given your unsuspecting mind and feeble-like strength due to last night’s steamy activities, Jungkook is well aware you had not regain your stamina just yet to oppose his advances. With the evidence of his arousal pressing deliciously against your stomach, your protests were swallowed as he devours your mouth whole. His hands on your nape controlling his ministration and on the small of your back maneuvering your length right against his towering built. Contentious with his early carnal needs, you try to keep your heavy-lidded eyes open as the warmth of his mouth spreads so heavenly on the length of your neck.

“Jungkook,” He hears you mewl. His mouth twitched, just by your weakening grip onto the fabric of his robe and your soft, breathless call of his name tell him your supposed defiance is slowly disappearing into bubbles of vapor. As his constricting arousal longs for your tight, warm sheath, he wasted no more time, hoisting you up in his embrace and strutted effortlessly towards the terrace. Carefully, he laid you flat against the timber-made floor, then swiftly hovers your body in between your thighs with his arms supporting his weight above you. With urgency, he shuffles through the multi-layered articles of your skirt, lifting them up until your undergarments are visible enough for him to be able to pull the strings to remove the tiny piece of fabric hiding his hidden gem. In other times, he would show you just how much he loves worshipping every inch of your body through his mouth and fingers without losing the momentum, if not inflaming his desire more. But right now, he just needs to fill you up good, fast and hard. As he proceeds to open his robe, pulling the strings of his baji to free his length, he felt the warm squeeze of your hand in his arm. His dark, lustful eyes squinted to yours. “Jungkook, someone might come in.” You attempted to argue in between your rapid intake of breaths. With an arch of his eyebrow, he manage to make a point to ease your worry, “We have not had a visitor since our marriage, Jagi. Do not worry about it. Have you not seen me locked the door when I arrived?” You shook your head, not trusting your voice. But as he releases his aroused member, he caught your pellucid eyes as hunger slowly replaces your supposed hesitation. Knowing he has gained all your focus now, specifically in his bare lower region, Jungkook pumps his sleek length. Your loose grip in his arm gradually closes tightly, your teeth piercing through the suppleness of your lip. He couldn’t wait any moment longer, he nudges his head on the curve of your neck to counter the tremors of lust coursing through his body, giving you a second more before he loses it all. With his skillful fingers, he uncovers your dripping core. His awaiting steel hard cock coming in contact on your warm, fully aroused center as his sensitive head pokes in your warm entrance. “Forgive me for taking you this way my love, I just need to be inside you now.” And just as he utters those words, he jerks his hips against your pelvis so forcefully that his balls slam right at your other hole from the impact, as his tip touching the undiscovered depths in your sheath. “J-Jungkook!” Your screams pierced through your throat uncontrollably as he builds an incredibly unforgiving pace. “I’ll make it up to you tonight, jagi.” He promises in between pleasurable groans. The tightness of your hot walls around his thickness indicates his intrusion must be painful for you—a stark contrast to the blissful grip of your tight pussy around his shaft. But the way you cling onto him, the way you meet his powerful thrusts halfway through, and the way your back arches when he rams so deep inside, indicate a different story. “Do you like it, my love? Tell me. Tell me how I make you feel, Jagi.” He demands, wanting to wring something from you just to validate the endless strings of pleasure trailing in his lower region. “It feels good, Jungkook please… Don’t stop, don’t—” another cry rips through you as your walls spasm involuntarily at the intense surge of sparks spreading from your core. He knows, you’re close just as he is. In most instances, he would prolong his pleasure, delivering you to the end several times, yet not chasing his own, and only reaching for his orgasm only when you’re too exhausted to take him yet again. However, this moment is not among those cases. Right now, he wouldn't deprive himself from chasing his release as it becomes too powerful, too addicting to prolong. “Yes, yes. Fuck!” He hisses onto your neck, endlessly pummeling through you. And just about another inch of moment where he reaches the seventh heaven, he feels his shoulder shook. With a flick of a finger, his world came in a painful halt. Then everything turns black, and into evanescence, he arduously returns into the real world. Particularly, in the depths of the woods where he'd wasted himself in the dead of the night along with his subordinates. As his smoky vision briefly skims through his surroundings, he immediately concluded his fate last night. He failed to make it inside his tent, and the only thing he could blame it for is the alcohol his subordinates had provided the night prior. He was too intoxicated, and the spirit of alcohol still lingers in his head as he felt it faintly pounds. At least he had the decency to sleep against a tree. The army had camped here to rest for the night, but the intended rest turned into a chaotic, wasted moment of their lives.

He lifted his death glare to whoever dared cut off his dream, ready to slice their head off of their shoulders. Jungkook was met with an anguish looking soldier. “My lord, forgive me for disturbing your rest but our comrades— they are trying to kill each other. One of them is already severely wounded.” The soldier exclaimed frighteningly, his face is covered with beads of sweat. Why did these soldiers even partook the army only to be such wimps dealing with their violent comrades? The commotion could be heard from his spot, the clashing sounds of sword against sword could be heard through the peaceful silence in the forest. Dismayed, Jungkook collected himself. He dismisses the soldier through a wave in his hand then disgruntledly rub his palms on his face to wear off his hazy vision and stood, bracing himself for another long day of journey. He must remind his subordinates who is in-charge of this army. However, with his head lowered, he notices the effect his dream had caused a mere second before he had recognized the pain. There it was, a tent of his own arousal. Groaning, he deliberately bumps his head against the uneven surface of the trunk of the indigenous tree he had slept against at. Dozing off in the oddest, most incoherent positions and places is not something foreign for him, for the soldiers. At some point, they had to spend nights stuck inside manholes in the middle of the forest to catch the rebels— who like them, have manmade caves to keep their tracks untraceable.

The ache in his back and neck he undoubtedly obtained from spending the night leaning against the hard bark of the tree in is nothing compared to the constricting pain in the expanse of his lower region. His lewd dreams had frequented in his nights these past few months—years even. They not only consist of his dirty little fantasies with you, but figments of how he'd imagine his future to be. They are almost real, and a story on their own. He‘s certain he’s gone crazy by the manner his dreams are able to create the images his heart had coveted, how his thoughts hone his dreams and stir something feral from his body, his impure needs. Perhaps, that’s how he had cope with your absence. Time had passed by a blur, but his feelings had not. It’s not so surprising to ponder over it for you are his other half, the soulmate the gods have bestowed upon him. He only needs to fulfill his mission, and it won’t be too long until he completes it. He misses you just as his soul longs to hear your delicate voice, your sweet laughter. He covets to be blessed upon your elegant beauty, and your bright smiles.

He had considered writing letters for you to ease the longingness in his bereft heart. However, the risks are too high for him to act upon his wish. Being an enemy in the unclaimed territory, foreign rebels would not think twice of hurting someone on his behalf. And that includes you. The adversity the two of you had caused four years ago left an ugly wound on your reputation, that was what he had gathered from his messenger. Despite the hierarchy of your status, noble families in the capital refuse to offer their unmarried sons to the princess for fear of being inflicted with misfortune tailing from the sin you had committed. The thought of you having to endure the pain from the gratuitous judgement of the people became his nightmare. No. It used to be his nightmare, as convinced by his selfish instincts. A blessing in disguise. In the midst of the predicament both of you have endured for years, your situation had only amplified his hope and eagerness to survive the uncertainty living in the battlefield. If no one would want to have your untouched, pure soul, he will gladly have you in his arms. With the military power he had acquired, the significant impact the army under his leadership had contributed over the years, and the loyalty of the army to him, the king would not refuse to his bidding. Even with a promised prince at your disposal. Still, the fear of losing you for someone else had cogently crossed his mind. Rare is when he dwells into solitude. And it is fortunate to be the case for him as he would not have to deal with the overwhelming plethora of emotions his heart carries every sane second of his life in the north. Mayhaps, his traitor mind chooses to play fool of him through an endless series of dreams. Of you. With you. It was a tricky game that he willingly succumbs himself into. Through the years, he had lost count how many lives he had ended, how much enemies had his sword touched their blood in order to survive the truculent situation in the borders. He knows, despite having his foot buried deep in the ground, he would survive in the death trap alive or, at least, breathing. But he realized, the longer he endures the uncertainty in the north, the higher the possibility of him losing in another battle. That, or he’d have to have you as soon as he arrives in the capital. That was his final consolation before he proceeds to slice through the disturbing sound of commotion, cheers of encouragement rather than peace. It was not only him who had gone insane from the years worth of ordeal they had braved through, it seems. The mere sight of a brawl now entertain his army. If these pieces of shit do not stop killing each other off just by the presence of their general, Jungkook might as well do the job, himself.

Since the deployment of the extensive military presence at the borders of Joseon, neighboring empires have adopted similar strategy to protect their own lands from possible foreign invasions. In Joseon empire, threats of rebellion were already ceased some months ago. But the war didn’t dissipate in Joseon. Now bearing enemies inside the territory. Among the endless reasons why the king had out of nowhere summoned one of his trusted allies, is to seek perspective over these matters from someone as wise as he is. Perhaps, wiser than he could have ever been. Since his ascension to the throne, his brother had completely extended his loyalty to him. With his brother on his side, he was able to see the situations on the outside palace. Corrupt officials from isolated states are seized, stripped off their positions, and arrested for the rest of their lifetime. The only thing they have not agreed so far is the forthcoming marriage of the princess with a Ming royalty. The former prince considers it an unwise judgment to arrange the princess’ marriage with a foreign ally, arguing foreign empires, an ally or not, will inevitably shift partisan as the need arises. If war stirs between them in the future, the princess may be used as a token of weakness against the Joseon empire. “Rumor has it that Councillor Kang is plotting to stir a commotion regarding the first born son’s title, Your Majesty.” He supplies to the King before taking a graceful sip from his tea cup. Perhaps, if there is one thing he misses in his previous life, it’s the refreshment teas and the sumptuous serving of meals in the palace that are exclusively served for the royal family. His resources are now limited, despite the constant help the Queen Dowager sends in his behalf, he cannot rely on anyone for his survival. King Namjoon made a sound of agreement, deeply in thought of his current predicament. “I have anticipated that even before Consort Li gave birth to my son. The opposition will always find a way to seek for my weakness.” “They cannot use the prince against you or the queen. The customs favor your wife in this matter. For a concubine’s son to qualify as the crown prince, he must be taken under the care of the queen. But in this case, no existing law would support the Southern Party’s agenda if the queen is already carrying the next king.” King Namjoon heaves a long sigh, viisibly relaxing, despite the creases present on his forehead. He had thought the same thing. “You are right. Clearly, they have nowhere to go but to follow the process. However, something portent tells me this does not conclude their plan to destroy our family. I need to gather enough proof of their misdeeds before they come chasing for my dethronement.” Namjoon discloses the last remnants of his worries. Yoongi’s lips curve into a dark smug, disgusted by the audacity of those greedy snakes to even attempt to disrespect the throne of the monarch with their lousy lives. "You mean, you are thinking of the possibility that they may attempt to challenge your throne, Your Majesty?” Yoongi echoes. As the thought crosses his mind, he agrees with the king. There is a possibility. However, would the favored faction risk their positions over a poorly, indecisive move?

As if the monarch heard his thoughts, King Namjoon proceeds to speak, "The Southern Party will not dare lose their only chance to be in government. They know of my capabilities. I could turn and replace the government if they insist against my will. This is why I need your help, Hyung-nim. I need to know what the people think of my first born son. They might consider using my people for their selfish interests.” Yoongi studies the king’s face for a moment, recognizing something he only ever had witnessed once when their father had succumbed to his illness, vulnerability. “Of course, Your Majesty. Expect my letters in the coming days. I will envoy a different messenger to avoid raising suspicions from the state council.” He immediately bid a farewell to the monarch, before leaving the royal quarters of the study. Discreetly, he saunters across the length of the endless maze-like hallways in the royal residence. No one must have recognized him for even the court ladies who run into his way did not stop to pay respect to the king’s brother. It did not matter to him, because his unrecognizable identity allowed him to live peacefully outside the palace. As he scurries past the series of familiar quarters, his mind wanders back to the discussion he had exchanged with the king.

Yoongi did not willingly lose his title, in favor of his younger brother just for the throne to be snatched away by these corrupt officials. He knew. He already had the realization at a young age that the throne, his birthright, was not for him. It was not his right, not only because he despises the tremendous responsibility that the title carries but he perceives his skills are not equally meant to rule the nation his father had cherished all his life. Despite inherently having the highest title a prince could acquire, he believed the third born prince, his prodigy brother, deserved to be the next in line in the throne. With this in mind, he did the simplest form of deviation, committing ungracious and inappropriate acts inside the court. His misbehavior acts lasted for months until the state council had had enough of it. Yoongi succeeded, he was stripped off his title. But he paid the lasting price of his deviance. Being banished in the palace as the court perceives his presence as a threat to the next heir.

It was an ironic thought. He deliberately lose his title only to be seen as a threat to the throne. Following this predicament, frightened by ascending to the highest title of a prince, the second born prince abandoned his title in pursuit of his dreams.

The assumption of crown prince was then passed to the third born prince. His feet continued to take him to the right paths. Never relenting, mindlessly scanning the nostalgic, extravagant constructions in the royal residence. Not until he heard a familiar feminine voice that he abruptly stops and peers behind his back. Catching a glimpse of his sister, his stoic expression slowly softens. You quickly strutted forward without losing the grace you had mastered from being taught since you were tiny when the top of your head barely reached his hips. Excitement bubbled up inside you at the sight of your eldest brother. You lower your head, and instead of hearing a proper greeting from your brother, he scolds you just like the old times. "Stop the formalities, Princess. I am no longer of title.” Your eyebrows form a line while a smile ghosts on your expression. “But you are still a Grand Prince for me.” He leans closer and ruffles the side of your perfectly braided hair, to which earns a protest from you. His smile widens, revealing the sets of his pearly white teeth. “I have missed you. It’s been a while since you’ve showed up here. What brings you here? Have you visited mother? What about the King?” He bursts into series of soft chuckles. “Slow down, little flower. No one is chasing you down here, is there?” Your face stretches in a frown, "You seemed to be already going out of the palace, Orabeoni. Do you not wish to see us before you go?” "I apologize, Your Highness, I have matters to attend to. I will come back to visit you and Her Majesty in the future." You sigh, but nod in understanding of the situation. His life now revolves outside the palace, you realized. "I hope you have been living well?" “You don’t have to worry about me. Perhaps, it would not be wise to tell you in detail the beautiful things I have witnessed during my travels.” He regards, meaningfully. You understood what he meant.

The bright smile your face adorns slowly fading, “You have heard, haven’t you? That was a long time ago...” The least for him to do to fill the void of the loss of his family is through gathering news about them. It was the safest means for him to remain knowledgable of his family’s matters rather than exchanging letters with them. Despite losing his royal status, living outside has given him the wholly overview of the nation. He had learned a lot of things for his survival and for his scholarly works. With his brother’s permission to delve into the records in the Bureau of State Records for his scholarly works, he stumbled upon the history of his ancestors, and the untold secrets of the old royal families. Even the undiscovered edicts, one of which would soon reverberate through the empty halls of the palace.

“I always know what goes on in here even when I’m not around.” A small smile rests on the corner of his lips in the hopes of lessening your sudden uneasiness. Somehow, it did. “What about Prince Hoseok? Have you heard of him? Since his disappearance, the queen dowager and Prince Taehyung refused to talk about his whereabouts.” “Do not worry about Hoseok. He is, like I am, in the best condition of his life.” He prompts with collected patience. Living far from the extravagant lifestyle was difficult to get used to. But as the beauty of life slowly unravels for his eyes to admire on, he realizes he had no regrets giving up everything his previous life had offered before him. For you to navigate the same onerous path he took to endure the new, yet simple living, he’d rather have you revolved your life around the good side of the world, somewhere where nobility surrounds you. Life outside the palace is cruel and filled with misfortunes and unsaid miseries. “I’m relieved to hear that. Please take this before you go,” You say, reaching out to your braided hair, unclasping the gold pin and placing it in his unwilling palm. He arches an eyebrow, questioningly. "It’s the only thing I have right now—“ “I should take my leave now, Your Highness.” “Right, then please accept my gift, brother. I believe it carries luck as well as my prayers… for your security.” Yoongi draws a long breath, closing his palm around the metallic piece of accessory, wondering what he would it use for. Crouching forward, he places an affectionate kiss on the top of your head, dropping a promise, “I will come see you when you get married.” Your brother swiftly pulls back and turns away without sparing a single glance from your direction, heading off towards the secret passage that only you and your siblings knew. The same path you crossed when you took off years ago. His sudden disappearance made your apprehension profound, and at the mention of a forthcoming marriage, it left a disturbing, unwarranted feeling at the pit of your stomach. You have been faithfully loyal to your promise, despite the uncertainty. You tirelessly waited for his return. But, it does not mean you would only vain while you remain unmarried. You have aged a couple years since he left the capital. While you age more, your royal duty becomes inescapable. Years without him have not been forgiving, but there was nothing you could hope for as you remained out of the attention of the government, avoiding an inevitable marriage— something that should have happened several years ago. As much as the queen dowager worries for your future, the situation seems to be more a blessing than curse for you. You have no power to control an arrangement that only the queen and the king have, and the only way for you to stay unmarried is to avoid the marriage itself. However, you know, as time ticks off, the life of a lighted candle decreases. So are your chances. You wish to see him, at least, at the break of dawn.

On the east side of the grand palace, unbeknownst to the rest of the royal family, the queen had met with the queen dowager in the garden of Huwon, at the similar period of time while the king and his brother were at the royal residence. A couple of servants and royal guards were awaiting on behalf on the foot of the pavilion. More than a year ago, the queen dowager had descended from the throne when the first ranking lady in the Selection whose father governs a remote state in a distant province assumed the highest position a female of title can acquire. From then on, the king's mother had learned to trust the queen for her genuine efforts in regulating the palace women's affairs. With her faith on the queen's fair judgement to the matters in the inner court, she bestowed her blessing to arrange the princess' marriage with a suitable man of nobility. It was the purpose of their vigilant meeting in the secluded royal garden of the East Palace. But the profound carefulness in addressing the matter had soon reached the prying ears of the government officials through their scattered watchful spies disguised as servants inside the grand palace. Rumors of your betrothal rapidly spread through the halls of the palaces and into the capital. Your forthcoming marriage had been expected years ago, but as you had remained unmarried for a long time, the society had already concluded your future. Being a lonely maiden for lifetime, as your punishment for painting damages to your virtue and disobeying the gods’ laws. When the news reaches Yoongi, he immediately decided to return to the capital.

Several days later, half of the army from the northern border had finally returned to the capital, and into the East Palace’s throne hall, they had paid a respect to the king of the nation. The couple hundreds of soldiers in a full view from the king's throne, it was a display of the king’s military power from the watchful eyes of the prospective enemies. While the army stood outside, across the king’s throne hall, General Jeon entered the royal throne to present himself as the leader’s army which he had led for the past four years. His left arm holds his head armor, the other hand securing two scrolls as he takes long powerful strides across the length of the hall towards the awaiting monarch on the throne. With his head high, he stopped in front of the throne, before he crouches on his bended knee, and lowered his head in front of the King. It was not long before he rose back from his feet. The authoritative voice of the contented king resonates inside the throne hall. “I am glad you have survived the war, Jeon. I have not missed a reading on all your accomplishments. Although your army have lost a great amount of soldiers in the past four years, I am immensely impressed by your skills and leadership for you have not only captured the rebel leaders but also conquered parts of the outside north.” King Namjoon could perhaps be in an ephemeral peace. With the influence and loyalty of the army the general has come to acquire, General Jeon would make a great ally for his empire. He needs to keep it that way. “It is the only way I see fit to end the war against the rebels. If we have not conquered the North, they will not surrender on their own.” General Jeon proceeds, with the boldness of him to return the stare of the king. King Namjoon did not mind, in fact, the fearlessness that the General emits through his mere stature impresses him. The same general couldn’t even risk lifting a gaze in front of the ruler a few years ago. But the young general before is nowhere near recognizable from the man standing in front of him. The battlefield had honed the general into a real soldier. Tracing his stubble on his jaw, he continues to praise the general, “I commend you, Jeon. I must say, you are wiser than the late general. What have you brought for your king in your return, May I ask?” Jungkook didn’t waste any second longer, handing out one of the scrolls to the king’s eunuch. He waited until the eunuch places it on the king’s table before concluding the content of the scroll. “That record accounts for the extension of the lands outside the northern border. The peasants and commoners who reside in these areas now recognize you as their king. With this piece of record, no other ruling monarch would question your ownership to the conquered lands. Unless, they want to seek war against your kingdom.” “I am beyond impressed, Jeon.” King Namjoon asserted, clearly showing his utter astonishment. As he skims over the sloppy, almost unillegible calligraphy, Jungkook decides to prompt another matter, a significant one. “Perhaps, Your Majesty, you have heard that the Ming empire had sent an ally troop for us in the north.” Showing too little interest over the subject, King Namjoon's attention stills on the scroll’s content. “I am aware, General Jeon. What matters with it?” “Commander Park, the leader of the Ming army, is the 13th prince of the Ming empire, full blooded brother of Emperor Kim. One of his brothers had warned him about the traitors in the Joseon court. It is Councilor Kang who attempted to seek alliance with the Ming princes against your ascension, Your Majesty.” At the mere mention of the Southern Party's leader, the attention of the king immediately shifted to the general. Perplexed, the heat of anger rushes in him. If this is the truth, he would make the Southern Party receive an unforgiving punishment for threatening his throne. “You don’t say…” The king dangerously trails, “Do you understand what your allegation could mean if it bears no truth?” King Namjoon couldn’t seem to perceive the credibility of his claim. There was nothing he could read from the general. Nothing but the dead in his eyes. “I am merely relaying the words of Commander Park to you, Your Majesty. It is not an accusation from me but a warning not to trust Kang’s pretense intent of peace.” With the dark grin ghosting on the general's face, King Namjoon scrutinized his expression. What is his motive? “You are not telling me this out of concern for my throne, Jeon.” He warily prompts, testing the waters. He has no doubts of his loyalty. If there is one thing the king is certain, Jungkook honors his words. But with the sudden shift of the discussion, King Namjoon is suddenly holed up with utter confusion. The slight curve of Jungkook’s lips twitches more as his eyes remain black. Empty. “You are right, Your Majesty.” Jungkook has been keeping it long enough, after fulfilling his duty and his unspoken promise to his father, it’s about time to fulfill the most important one in his lifetime. “What is it that you wish in exchange for this giving me this information?” “I have not yet told you that Commander Park and Prince Jimin are the same person. It is the same prince you have arranged betrothal with Princess ______, is it not Your Majesty?” His eyes narrowed. So this is about the princess all along? “That matter is not of your concern, Jeon Jungkook. You must know where your position would account for your regard. I would not wish for you to be among my enemies, Jeon. Stay away from the princess.” admonishes the monarch. “I do not wish to start a war against you, Your Majesty. I am merely seeking for your blessing to grant me this decree.” Jungkook raises the scroll before holding it forward towards the Eunuch’s reach. He spoke no more and waited for the King to read the decree. Once King Namjoon got hold of it, he urgently opened the scroll, eyes eagerly skimming over the texts written in familiar calligraphy. Jungkook watches the shock slowly uncovers from the face of the King. The control and power crumbling into pieces as the riffles his eyes through him pellucidly, throwing the scroll on his table. Whatever it is that was in the decree has discomfited the king as the darkness of his eyes now matches the general's lifeless eyes.

“This couldn’t be possible…” He calmly concluded amidst the fury his expression is giving away. Did he think he had outsmarted me? King Namjoon silently thought. He turns to his side, the glower in his face effortlessly made his Eunuch tremble in fear. “Call the Chief Secretary!” He ordered. Despite the king's anger, Jungkook remains passive, anticipating the worst that may blew up by revealing the undisclosed edict. If this is the his ploy in order to have the king capitulated on his terms, he has to pay for the inexorable price of his crime, a military official or not.

On the other side of the capital, there you were in the market, enjoying your time outside the palace. This day is one of the few instances you are allowed to wander off in the capital. The Queen has reasonably permitted for your gratuitous trips. You are grateful for she did not perceive your royal status as a threat to her ascension for you want to sustain a peaceful relationship with the royal family. Years ago when Jungkook brought you in this particular shop, you have frequented here since. The lady merchant has grown a liking to you for you have always been one among her generous customers. The pieces of accessories they sell, you have learned, were crafted by individuals of no noble descents. Your fondness of buying illegally published literally books was replaced by adding up pieces by pieces of jewelry and hair accessories to your collection. After a moment of eclectic selection, you finally have made up your mind which pieces you would purchase this time. Instead of making your way back to the palace after purchasing these items, you decided to stay a little longer, absentmindedly surveying the variety of inexpensive goods aside from the luxurious pieces the shop sell.

A few feet away from your stance, a rugged looking man of seemingly from a noble trace with the dark, elegant shade of his robe approaches the same merchant. And even without a gay atop his head, the rarity of his robe’s colors colors could already be speaking of power. This man is not just one among those government officials that commoners frequently see in the daylight.

The eager shop owner beams, noticing the indifference of the noble man’s eyes as they bore over the pool of jewelry pieces and accessories. Perhaps, another prospected customer who is merely buying for their lover, “My Lord, do you wish to buy something for your wife?” It was then the lips stretch in an endearing smile, “Yes, I’d like to purchase something for my lady. Do you have something to recommend for me?”

The shop owner surveys the official for a brief moment, before an idea pops into her mind. “Oh, I have been keeping this one of a kind piece for a long time, now. If you are interested, My Lord, I’ll show it to you.” The shop owner regards in a mysterious, lingering tone, as if to pique his curiosity. Why did she not offer you this piece? You pondered, without lifting your gaze upon them. “Go on.” He encourages. The seller holds out a small intricately designed box, opening it in front of him to reveal a pair of plain yet immaculately crafted gold rings. "This was brought to a temple for five days in order to bring good fate for lovers. The shaman said to sell this to lovers who are willing to pay generously in exchange for a good future.” In a heartbeat, the man curtly nodded. "Consider it sold.” He says in a certain tone. The shop owner’s eyes widened in surprise, immediately collecting the box, allowing no opportunity for the man seemingly in a high-ranking position to afford such to change his mind. “Your lover is lucky to have you, My Lord.” The lady dreamily remarked. He only smiled and didn’t speak further as he hands out a generous amount of currency in exchange of the content of the small box.

You were there all along, listening closely to the interaction. The strange man caught your unsolicited attention with his mere voice. That’s what it seems. You're as puzzled as overwhelmed from unintentionally hearing the interaction. But you’re certain, he’s not the one you think he is. The man only sounded like him. Too late, for your heart already started pounding loudly on its own accord. Your state frozen, seemingly lost in your thoughts to have your body move as you wish. It was not your nerves but your doubts that is stopping you from looking at him to rest your judgment. It took you a while. And you regret not taking the chance when you had it because before you could gather your pittance of a strength to gaze upon the man, he was already out of sight. In desperation, your eyes eagerly search through the sea of people, mentally sifting through the layers and layers of passers-by as if your eyes will magically blur everything else to locate his figure. He was already gone. This has happened before. For several instances. Your mind always creates an imagery of him whenever he crosses your mind, wherever you are— seeing someone bearing his familiarity. But every time you do, you’re always unable to see their actual face. It was not him. That’s what you’re sure of.

He couldn’t be omniscient in nature, he couldn’t be in the north while grazing your presence here every now and then. He just couldn’t be here.

This is just one of them. Would your heart not mind if you see his home, at least, for the last time? Would it matter more to you to see his lifeless household, or would it just a waste of time and a heartache?

With your lurking mind, you scurried the path where your heart is taking you.

You didn’t really noticed the long, arduous walk you had gone through. The sun is about to set when you arrived. Your feet like a mind of their own, stopping in front of the wooden barricade. His mother has lived with his relatives in a distant town somewhere after Jungkook left.

There’s nothing else to see other than the barnished wooden gate. You cannot even open it for your own perusal. But you kept on coming back here for it was the only thing in the present that connects you with that memory, reliving them in the present. He spent his last moments here with you. But however beautiful your memories here had been, the contrited pieces always linger elsewhere in your mind as you relinquish the past. Fate is a mere imaginary force, perhaps, created by entities living in this world, as fictitious as happiness, as treacherous as love. While hope brings you a strong faith of anticipation to the uncertain, the endless cycle of waiting only gives you the bittersweet acceptance in return. There was no regret behind the years of your wasted youth amidst the inescapable obligation of being an object of possession under a political truce— the truth that you have to live from the guise of a royal birth. You kept your promise, and until time and your royal duty comes in between, you will stay faithful to your words. Your fingers quickly shed the moisture threatening to spill from your eyes. And as you emotionally gather yourself up, you turn away in bereft. Not knowing that someone from behind is going towards the opposite direction. With your occupied mind and your sudden move, it was too late for the stranger to step sideways to avoid your approaching figure. The impact left you immobile for a second, losing your balance as your legs gave away. However, they caught you just in time.

Ambivalently speechless, you were unable to scramble off to your feet away from them and utter words of apologies to the stranger you have caused a burden of. When you have recovered, you softly gasp in embarrassment, mumbling series of apologies without prying your bashful eyes up towards them. Scared that they will lash out at your carelessness. Not until you hear the voice of the stranger. “_______?” Your rapid breaths stutter, you felt like everything else around you stops but the loud thumping of your heart. Was it your mind one again creating a hallucination of him? Slowly, you lift your head up. But you swallowed the urge to gasp as your eyes eagerly rake through the rugged looking man in front of you. It was your first time to see their face, to see him fully. The face your mind has created for years. Unfortunately, nothing resembles him of Jungkook but his eyes. And his voice. Stupid of you to think he’s real. You immediately turn away, gathering the strength to go as far away as you can. “______ wait!” You hear them call, your mind is pretty adamant, because the farther you walk, the louder his voice gets to you. It was not long when they had caught up with you as you felt the force in your arm, yanking you back around to face him. “What are you doing here?” He asks the same question he uttered to you years ago when he saw you in front of his house. You clenched your eyes shut, disturbed with your evil mind’s tricks to play with your heart dangerously. How could it possible for him to be here, coincidentally when you’re mourning, when you had just imagined him at the capital? As much as you‘re convinced he’s not real, the warmth from his hands seeping through the fabric covering your arms as they keep you locked on their hold tell you the person isn’t just a figment or your imagination. He’s real? “Jungkook?” It took him a second before he realizes the tone of your affirmation. “You didn’t recognize me, Jagi? It’s me.” Lips quivering, you clasp his face in between your palms with your collected strength, silently wishing none of this is a part of your imagination like it has been in the past years. “Is it really you? Am I not just dreaming?” You whisper in grief, as your sorrowful eyes pierces through his soul. Something twists in his gut, catching your efforts as you control the faint sobs threatening to break out from you throat.

It was too late for you to swallow them as tears pooled out of your eyes. The calloused pads of his thumbs feather lightly brush against your tear stained cheeks.your efforts to control the faint sobs.

“I’m here. I came back for you. Haven’t I promised you that?” He wants to prove it to you, just so you would believe it is real. That he’s here before your eyes. His face was mere inches to yours, but he stilled, almost losing his control if not reminded by the fact that the two of you are out for the world to see. You blinked, hiding the dejection when he steps back just as you were anticipating something else. With a heavy heart, you prodded. “When did you come back?” Jungkook deliberately didn’t answer. You have all the time to ask him later. Right now, he needs you. Swallowing a big lump in his throat, his fingers entwine tightly with yours, gently tugging you forward.

“Come with me.” He says. “Jungkook, what...“ Your voice faltered, panting from the distance you had walked through. Your curious eyes follow his free hand as it swiftly unlocked the hidden bar of the wicket.

Just as he has pulled you inside the vicinity of his household, he pushed the door shut along with your body, pressing you flat against the hard surface. Jungkook cages you in between with his hands glued on the sides of your head. He used to dream about this happening. With you, in an arm’s reach. He stays still for a while, savoring the moment. His leering eyes quietly memorizing every detail on your face. You have not aged a year older. Jungkook thinks he was looking at your younger self. Except for your hollowed cheeks, and dulled pair of orbs, you still look mesmerizingly breathtaking, beautiful, pure and only his. He inches closer, invading your mouth with much controlled passion. The faint sting of his stubble as it made contact against your skin creates another foreign sensation, sparking desire within you as tremors run down your spine.

“Gods, I miss you.” He groans against your mouth. For a moment, you were stiff, shocked by the boldness of his advances. Jungkook had kissed you before, you had felt the wetness of his lips pressing against yours before, as he expressed his affection for you.

But not like this, not with the way he was lewdly nipping your lips, not with the way his tongue is chasing your own. Not with the way his hands are exploring the untouched parts of your body.

Jungkook nudges his head south, on the crook of your neck. He moves closer, flushing his huge body against yours. Your eyes clenched shut at the feel of his need on his lower region pressing on your clothed stomach. A soft cry resonates through the quietness of the household at the feel of his teeth and stubble piercing simultaneously through your skin. Bound speechless under your clouded mind, unable to discern the right and wrong when Jungkook plotted the hole that you have willingly allowed yourself to be buried into its depths.

As he captures your lips once more, your fingers corded beneath his long knotted hair. There was no turning back now. He will have you one way or another.

a/n: what do you guys think? im curious to know what your thoughts are pls share them with me :(( it’s rushed i know and as expected this is unedited so forgive me for grammar issues and typos

mintseesaw ©️ 2020

credits to the rightful owner (Jeesung Kim) of the image edited as a banner

709 notes · View notes

freeseafirefly · 3 years

Text

I miss you (RinHaru, drabble)

Ever since his return from Australia, Rin has been way too sweet and considerate. Haru isn't sure he digs it. Post S3.

“You swam IM for him and yet you won't even consider swimming fly with me.”

Rin’s voice is so quiet Haru almost sifts it out as a part of the dream that starts weaving up in his head as he dozes off to the steady humming of the bus. It is too close, though, too real, too odd for his imagination to make it up.

His head snaps up. He looks at Rin who looks ahead, into the windscreen over the rows of seats, his matured face unreadable. In front of them, between the back rests, Kinjou’s bleached hair can be seen swaying slightly as he slouches down in his sleep. No one is chatting; the smooth highway ride must have lulled the entire national team into a highly appreciated sleep before the training camp hell begins.

Haru looks back at Rin, wondering for a moment if he dreamed the sulky statement up, after all. If not, this would be the first time since high school that Rin voiced his frustration so openly. But unlike those days, the tone of his voice was thoroughly even. Controlled. Even so, his bottom lip sticks out just a bit (someone less obsessed with studying his features wouldn’t even have noticed it), just that bit to appear fuller than usual. Rin is pouting.

Haru sighs. He suspected that Rin's childish jealousy of his middle school team and Ikuya in particular was the reason behind the two's rather acid rivalry. He also suspected himself in harboring a certain amount of the same feeling for this exact reason, ever since Rin became obsessed with “kicking that emo loser’s ass”, all fired up for it as though beating Haru was no longer his priority (even after his hair-width loss to him in the All-Japan.) And Haru… kinda missed it. Yeah. He missed the competitive familiarity of that Rin. This Rin, who spent a year in Australia, has matured indeed, and he has been so soft and caring and oh so considerate with him recently that Haru will sometimes catch himself biting an irritated "stop pulling Makoto on me" off the tip of his tongue.

Yet now, Rin is clearly pouting, blushing for whatever reason and causing Haru's insides to melt.

“You... really want me to?”

Rin shoots him a bewildered glance. “Huh? I thought I told you like 20 times already that I do.”

Due to the close distance, Rin’s warm cinnamon gaze is flickering between Haru's eyes, searching, studying them tentatively. Haru wonders what Rin can see in his blue irises, and whether it is something that is really present there, or Rin just mistakes glints and specks for something, like reflections on the water. To be honest, Haru simply never considered Rin’s light, teasing lines We just ought to have a butterfly race now! seriously, not in the midst of the national team training, not before their first international tournament. He just never thought Rin was even serious about it, so he brushed it off. How could he guess Rin's frustration?

Haru failed more than often to read this new Rin. Gone was that pushy enthusiasm, the impatient nudging and the heated growls when the air (or water) between them would turn into liquid fire. Now, it felt more like nitroglycerin, with Rin tiptoeing around him cautiously and Haru having no idea how to act on this new premise whatsoever.

What Haru has failed to see is that, perhaps, those things haven’t really gone, just hidden behind the warm looks and kind smiles. To think of it, it started after their Sydney trip. Or maybe after the fight in the dark locker room...

“Sorry. I forced my feelings on you and ignored how you felt...”

Okay, but how am I supposed to get if you want something that much when you mask it as a joke now?

After all, with Rin, Haru never had to. His fated redhead rival has always been extreme in manifesting his desires, either claiming things passionately or just as vigorously pushing them away (the latter reserved for the things he desired the most.) Haru gulps down another pointless You mean, you actually really wanted me to do it so much? and asks instead, “Uhm… But why?”

Rin flashes him a smug smile. “To have another occasion to kick your ass, obviously.”

Now, this is a familiar territory. This is what he knows how to deal with. Haru returns him the look. “Yeah, since you’re not getting anywhere with free, obviously.”

The smile falls off Rin’s face instantly. And Haru thinks that maybe, just maybe he has misread this new Rin once again.

“You can be brutal at times, Nanase.”

Haru sucks in a breath. Rin’s face remains unreadably restrained as he returns to look ahead, yet Haru has caught a quiet sadness in his voice. A tinge of defeat. Rin came second in the All-Japan, as he did in a number of their recent races. Not to mention some old ones…

Haru gulps heavily. “Rin… I didn’t mean it like that. I’m not—”

“Haru. Cut it out,” Rin says calmly, still speaking quietly so as not to draw attention of the teammates who might be awake. His shoulder brushes against Haru's as he shifts a bit to glance at him again. This closeness, this almost intimate quietness is reminiscent of the talk they had in the Sydney hotel bed. It plays tricks with Haru's pulse. “I’m not a weak boy anymore, ok? Besides, it was mere milliseconds.”

Still, it's second place.

...Haru hasn't thought about it ever since he finally managed to step over his old guilt. It was Rin who told him that he needs Haru to always swim ahead of him, that without him he has nothing to aim for. But… it couldn’t be that simple. Of course. Rin’s feelings couldn’t be so one-dimensional. Rin’s pride was a big part of him. And for the first time, Haru forces himself to face the question he’s been pushing away ever since. What will Rin do if he is never able to beat him? If those milliseconds remain a wall he'll never break down, because Haru will only continue to grow, too? If all his efforts and strength will only push Haru further, just as it always has been, just as it happened in the All-Japan where he beat the national record because Rin was there, swimming in the next lane?

...If his frustration just piles up and up underneath this new facade of kindness until one day it explodes, like that winter when they were thirteen?

What will become of them...?

“Ok. Let's have a butterfly race, when we have free time,” Haru finally utters, causing Rin to flinch and gape at him.

Until the next second he snarls, his lip curling to bare the sharp teeth, his voice a quiet hiss, “Oh. I see. I can literally see the thoughts spinning in your pretty head right now. ‘It would be nice if I gave him the satisfaction of beating me in fly.’ It doesn’t work like that, Haru. I don’t fucking need you to be nice.”

“Rin…” A prick of fear jabs Haru’s stomach. He hasn’t seen Rin wearing this expression of open hostility since their second year of high school. Things have been too good between them recently, too smooth and calm to be true. Haru should have known better. Too many unresolved knots still hid beneath the surface.

Haru swallows hard on a thick lump and drops his gaze to his hands that fasten uncontrollably on his thighs. Great. Now he actually offended Rin in the worst way. Why are things always so...different with Rin? Why does Haru permanently feel like he’s in the open sea, looking cautiously at the horizon and wondering what is more scary, a sudden storm or the dead calm? Since when is he even afraid of the sea?

...Oh. But it was Haru who didn’t want Rin as another Makoto. Maybe he should be cautious with his wishes next time.

The thought feels wrong, though.

He flinches back to reality as Rin’s leg lightly bumps into his knee.

“Hey.”

His voice is back to being soft, probably guilty, too. He takes Haru's hands and gently unclenches his fists, revealing the deep nail marks on his skin.

“Don’t apologize,” Haru breathes out sharply.

“Huh?”

Haru looks up at him, struck once again by his proximity, by the ridiculous prettyness of his face in flesh. He could count the tiniest freckles on Rin's sun kissed skin if he allowed his gaze to linger. “I don’t need you to play nice with me either. Just...be yourself, ok?”

Scream out your frustration right into my face. Push me into something I'm too lazy to try. If there's something you want, just...go and grab it, like you always did.

I miss you.

And maybe Rin does see all this shimmering in the blue of his eyes, because his face lightens up—and slowly relaxes as if the clear tide washed over his features and aligned them properly, like water smoothens the trodden sand—only now making Haru realize just how tense it actually was.

After that, Rin breaks into a smile. Then he frowns. Bites his lip slightly as his look dives to their still pressed knees. Runs his hand through his hair and lets it spill again over his face, the simple absentminded gesture causing Haru's heart to skip a beat. When Rin looks up again and speaks, the facade is gone, and it is finally the Rin he knows, the lively, exuberant boy who appeared in his life out of nowhere but as if he was always supposed to be its focal point; who brought with him a whole deal of troublesome emotions and fears so intense Haru would curse him in his dark minutes; the man who left him so many times and always took a part of his soul with him, only to return and fill him up again, each time fuller than ever.

“Can’t you understand, Haru?" Rin smiles that mischievous, toothy smile, both childish and matured, as he speaks. "I love competing with you in free. I freaking live for it. It’s cool exactly because it is so close. I did it before and I know that I can do it again. Just you wait. But I'm obviously leagues ahead of you in butterfly, so I won't derive much satisfaction from kicking your ass in it. That's not the point. At all.”

Haru raises his eyebrows, confused. “You literally just said that kicking my ass is the point.”

“It's ok to be less literal sometimes, Nanase Haruka,” Rin says, gently nudging his knee again, looking into his eyes with the intensity that makes Haru all giddy.

“Why, then?”

Just when he thought Rin’s voice couldn't get any softer, it tunes down yet again, to the level of murmur, making Haru lean in automatically to not miss a single word: “Because… I want to know that side of you, too. It’s good to try new stuff once in a while, y'know.”

Haruka’s face flushes with heat, and a fiery, mischievous glint in Rin’s eyes tells him that maybe, just maybe he has not misread that.

"...I thought you'd say Because it's romantic, though."

"...H-hey...! I would not!"

___

...or yet another cheesy scenario of how Haru came to suspect that swimming might have meant fucking all along.

#free!#free! fanfiction #rinharu #harurin

19 notes · View notes

fleeting-sanity · 3 years

Photo

Shallow

Genre: Smut, Angst Word Count: 2027 [Read @ AO3]

(Disclaimer: Don’t come at me lol. Takes place way into the future, not canon to any fic or my AUs? For their journey check out my fic Love Stranding)

----------------------------------------------------------------

She didn't want him to go just yet. The flower crown on her head must have meant something. She knew he wanted her too. What if she could slip past his walls just for a moment to show how committed she was in making this work. To show her vulnerability to him. To manifest this budding love. They've come this far.

Exasperated, she grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. He didn't turn around, not even a word. If only he could see her face.

"Rio… please stay."

His stiff stance deflated with his head down. If only she could see his face. If he decided to give in to his desires even once, there's no coming back from it. There's also the fact that the woman was no ordinary one. It would feel as if he took advantage in a moment of vulnerability. He remained unshaken on keeping his feelings at bay, because he knew this would be something he'd regret--no matter how much he wanted it.

"I'm sorry…"

Her grasp naturally fell. As he reluctantly stepped away, she accepted that what she wanted was unattainable. She couldn't even feel angry or sad about it, just nothing. She retreated to her room, trying to sleep it off, but not until she got a long look at herself in the mirror. Who'd want to be with this monster?

But then she heard the bedroom door open.

She chose not to believe it even after a pair of arms circled her waist. Warm, gentle, but hesitant. If it was just a fantasy, perhaps she could indulge herself a little. She leaned into the frame of his tall figure. His grasp tightened, all that doubt earlier vanished as he inhaled her hair, and having her hands tracing his arms. Wanting to see his face, she turned around and gazed at his blue eyes with her sparkling golden ones, a little wider, like a child admiring fireworks. Wanting to enter reality, she cupped his face, running a thumb along his scar. He winced, then the next second had him hungrily kissing her.

It shocked her as she produced a little moan, then responded with just as much passion into the kiss. Their breathing was labored as they prolonged the kiss, neither wanting it to end. She stumbled a few steps back, balance faltering against his frame leaning into her. She grappled the collar of his Jedi robes, pulling him further towards the bed. Her hands worked quickly to undo his apparel with some help using the Force.

The other, stronger part of his conscience telling him to turn back and leave was soundly defeated. With his pants barely clinging on, she pulled again, this time resulting in him falling on top of her--his face on her chest, his erratic breathing tickled her skin, increasing her desire. He sniffed his way to her neck, but jolted as he felt her hand slipping into his pants. He raised his head to look at her face, while still having her hand play with his groin.

But her face was all he could see. And he wanted to love it all. He planted another kiss to her lips, struggling to hold back moans from that impending erection. As his mouth traveled around her face, he repaid her by having his hand lightly scratch her clit. She gasped, making her grab his erection but had to release due to what he did next. He kissed his way down to her cleavage, taking off her top, then her tummy, taking off her skirt, then arriving at her crotch. He wasted no time in latching his mouth on her walls, nibbling and sucking like a drinking down a parched throat. The volume of her moans increased, her eyes on the ceiling, chest heaving, feeling utterly weak.

“Rio… I...”

She finally moaned the first word. The sound his mouth was making against her clit was better than anything she’d heard in a while. “Don’t stop...”

His eyes flitted a glance at her as she got more animated, reaching that point. He amplified the intensity of his mouth-play, hands gripping her thigh and holding her down with the Force--her whimpering louder as she burst into ecstasy. But he still wasn’t stopping.

Never had she been touched that way, and likewise to him. Seeing her so pleasured filled him with such heat in his bloodstream, his penis throbbing to her voice. Once he felt he’s finished, he leaned back to catch his breath, face all wet from her nectar. Her smile was an affirmation of his performance, but he was taken aback when she suddenly sat up and tugged his underpants off. The smile on her face turned wolfish as she quickly grabbed the flower crown and hanged it on his erection, resulting in them both chuckling sheepishly.

Her mouth was stuffed with his big, erect penis. The warmth sheathed him, moving in and out, with each second making him become weaker. His deep voice moaning her name, enjoying her tongue and teeth raking his foreskin. She took the challenge of taking it the deepest like a champion, her mouth meeting the flower crown near his testicles. In between his moans, he asked in amazement; “Are-are you… alright w-with--”

She gave him a thumbs up. He snickered at that, running his fingers through her hair, but then grasping it with a hiss. He could feel it, he was close. “Vaylin…”

His spine arched for the pleasure that came crashing down on him. His moanings and groans were frequent, even more than hers. That particular stream was ramming down his dam, threatening to burst, but she stopped just before it could explode. Perhaps immaculate timing ran inside her family. His knees buckled with sweat and panting, part of him relieved for not ejaculating yet. She smiled proudly, running her fingers through his torso, once again caressing his handsome features. Their lips met again, his rough hands stroking her back, her branded arms, and her hair. She slid her tongue meeting his, wrapping her arms around him, feeling safe and loved.

And thus she entered home.

It was quite a tight fit albeit slippery. He shuddered as she caved into him, everything melting into place, throwing away all the training against emotions and passion. The deeper she got, the more it hurt--even drawing some blood. She sobbed, not because of the pain--she has gotten used to endless tortures, but because of the act of giving all of herself over to him. Her sobs however, concerned him. “Vaylin? Are you…”

“More than alright. I’m… I’m in love.”

"Me too…" whispered him.

She hugged him tight. Joined physically to him; someone she could trust and have proven so by the many sacrifices he’s done for her. To be finally accepted. Was it shallow to equate love to something physical like this? The journey and storms they weathered together said otherwise.

Putting all that aside, she began moving slowly, releasing a hot breath. Her fingers ruffling his black hair tenderly, never taking off her gaze while she continued riding him. The low lighting illuminated their expressions, and she was quite amused by how much he was moaning. A gleam of mischief poked her. Her legs locked his and with a little bit of the Force, held him in place. She proceeded to increase the pacing of her dance with her breasts bouncing, as he struggled to not make so much noise and hold his climax at bay. So far so good?

The bed didn't let up in the noise competition. Neither did the poor mangled flower crown making its own sound. She was so full of energy. Her black-painted nails dug into his shoulders the longer her thrusting went on. His cries of euphoria indicated how close he was to exploding. "V-Vaylin…"

"Rio… please give it to me."

At that moment, he has shed his identity away. This could mean the point of no return. Unprotected. Unmitigated. The look on her face pleaded to the deepest darkness inside of him. His veins and muscles were all tensed up, unable to halt the incoming eruption. "Vaylin!"

The dam broke. Out came those thick strings of pearly substance. She finally slowed down as she felt his semen shooting up, filling her core. She tightened her grip on his penis, squeezing it for more. Some of them dripped out and down from her entrance. She picked it up inquisitively with her fingers, examining the liquid for the first time ever. Rio however, was still breathless.

"You're so noisy," teased her, while running her semen covered fingers through his abdomen. She bent down to kiss him again, tenderly this time, wiping away his sweat. He was finally out of that trance, sloppily returning her kiss. All he could think of was how forbidden yet belonging it felt. Consequences from every angle were ignored at the moment. He caressed her face with such sadness in his eyes. Was it regret that came too late?

“I know.” She pulled out of him. The sadness was contagious, as apparent on her face.

“No, please, I…” His tone hoarse, while his arms pulled and embraced her. “I want to stay. For our future. For us.” pleaded him, abandoning those principles that held him back from the past years.

“Let’s leave it all behind. Where they couldn’t find us. Would you? I’m tired of it all.”

He nodded, ready to be with the woman he loved so deeply, who owned his being and heart in the most unlikely way. He planted a deep kiss on her jeweled forehead. Then on her nose. Then on her lips, long and sweet. She didn’t let him stop, wanting more love. He seemed to understand without a single word.

Once again he entered her, this time on top. Truthfully, he was already quite drained of energy from the long day of work but for her, anything. Especially seeing her get that smile back. Her legs fastened around his waist while her eyes followed his face peppering kisses on her chest, then to her breasts. Flicking and suckling on the nipples resulted in her pitched, gleeful chirping.

He picked up the pace. Maintaining eye contact, ramming her down with increased might. She moaned a few 'yes' as he hit that particular spot repeatedly, leaving new scratches on his back. Her strength however, gave away when she reached her climax again, shrieking and letting out sparks of lightning subconsciously. But he wasn't done. Despite being hit by her lightning, he persisted and it actually awakened that beast inside of him. Baritone growls were heard, which pleased her even more.

A strong thrust ultimately made him burst again.

He fell on top of her, their sweat mixing with each other. Suddenly he jolted up, remembering that Vaylin was trampled under his weight. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You… you’re so strong.”

Both of them were on the moon. She rested her head on his chest, not speaking a word, soaking in the afterglow. It didn’t take long for him to drift off to dreamland. She stayed awake, playing with his face. Rubbing his nose, his scar, his lips, his cleft chin. Ever since the first time she saw him in that throne room, she felt something new. What he didn’t know was how she would sneak into her brother’s vault to admire Rio’s carbonite self. But he was the enemy. How was she supposed to get him feeling the same way? That made her bury the feeling--there was just too much impracticality around it. In a sense, they just weren’t meant to be.

Yet there they were. Their journey and friendship was something she thought she didn’t deserve, but he kept convincing her of her self-worth, of how loved she was, and supporting her individualism. Eventually she found herself, and with some time began to accept her fate and leave the past behind. He refused to take credit in his part of her journey there. It was all her.

And thus she joined him in sleep, looking forward to the future and whatever comes next. Freedom in the unknown, freedom in acceptance.

#vaylin #swtor fanfic #vaylin x outlander #swtor #vaylin romance #my art #vayrio #riiiiiio #jedi consular #swtor vaylin

33 notes · View notes

my-brothers-corrupted · 3 years

Note

It's okay to talk about how hurting you are, Jackie. You came out of it with scars and trauma too. You're not alone in your pain, and JJ and you have been through the ringer and pulled back again. It's okay to acknowledge that it hurts. Not everything is okay, but that's okay.

Jackie purses his mouth before sticking another handful of nachos in it.

"I'm just taking guesses here," says Bowlan. "But the only reason I'm bringing it all up is because I expect that the pair of you need some medical attention as well."

Blue and Jackie exchange sulking looks. Blue sips at his fizzy drink.

Bowlan sighs.

"Okay. Let's talk Kayden."

"Please," mumbles Blue.

"Schizophrenia is one thing. There are ways we can work on handling it. Sometimes schizophrenia does not respond well to treatment or medication, but based on what you've told me, I think some behavioral therapy and medication, along with social support, could really help Kayden improve."

"That's great. But you said you thought there was more than schizophrenia going on."

"Well, there's the obvious things - vitamin deficiencies and some other things I want to look into. His bones are pretty brittle. I'm not surprised he has old fractures. But psychologically, yes, I'm worried about other things. Your brother's traumatized. I'm concerned about Post-Incarceration Syndrome."

“What... what is that?” asks Jackie. “Like, what does that mean?”

“No matter what happened to you boys, it seems that Kayden has really felt that he has been alone – and possibly stuck in his room – for several months, believing that this Anti is forcing him to stay inside. So, while Post-Incarceration Syndrome is usually applied to someone who has been in prison, I think it might describe some of what your brother is going through. It often includes PTSD – the reliving his terror, the paranoia, the panic attacks and breakdowns – and can even include Stockholm Syndrome, which, in what I have to admit would make a very interesting case study, he seems to have developed through his own hallucination. Most concerningly, I think that Kayden is demonstrating Social Sensory Deprivation from long-term isolation.”

Blue's stomach flips. He stares down at his plate, losing his appetite fast.

“He has some stimming behaviors consistent with intense social deprivation, including, at times, self-harm, slamming his head into things or biting his fingers to blood. He's deeply obsessive. You've probably seen the way he draws for hours and hours at a time, often unable to stop even when someone tries to pull him out of it, and sometimes drawing the same thing again and again and again. He gets overwhelmed if you talk to him for too long, but at the same time, he seems almost alarmingly desperate for social interaction. He needs to be with people right now.”

“We won't leave him on his own again,” whispers Blue, unable to meet his eyes. “We... couldn't do anything about it til now.”

“All we can do is move forward,” agrees the old man kindly, stirring his tea. “I'm just sorry he's been through so much. And I'm glad he has you now.”

“Yes, forever now,” agrees Jackie. “I promise.”

“But there is another reason I'm bringing this up. Post-Incarceration Syndrome can also include personality changes and a shifted view of the world. In Kayden, this is appearing as learned helplessness and submissiveness, generally ingrained in a person as part of their survival mechanism in an oppressive or abusive environment. He has felt that he is completely at the mercy of this monster for a very long time, and that would make it difficult for anyone to get out of the mindset that kept them alive.

"On the other hand, in some prisoners, it manifests as aggression towards others and more angry, defensive personality traits and outbursts, trying to protect one's self from the abusive environment by lashing out. But Kayden has been mild – and in fact quite kind – so long as he isn't hallucinating a threat. There can also be a need for control and a preference for the set-up of the abusive system even if it was problematic. They're called Institutionalized Personality Traits – or just Antisocial Personality Traits. And I bring this up, boys, just because I wonder if maybe Kayden isn't the only one displaying some of these behaviors.”

Blue and Jackie look up together, and then at each other, sharing the same expression of alarm. Just as quickly, they turn back to their plates, Jackie scraping up his chips while Blue takes a hasty sip of his drink.

Bowlan laughs and then clears his throat apologetically. “Sorry, it's just that you two are certainly twins. I think you must be using telepathy.”

Blue sighs, pushing his hair out of his eyes. “We just... we're here for Dap – for Kayden.”

“If Kayden is the only one who's been through hell in the last few months, then sure, let's focus on Kayden,” Bowlan agrees, picking at his salad.

“I do have some control issues and a bad temper sometimes,” says Jackie. “Hard to keep my emotions in check. That's probably all you're seeing.”

“Ah,” says Bowlan, visibly unconvinced. “And yourself, Matti?”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” answers Blue blankly.

“You're also quite thin, the pair of you. A little more active, I would guess, but quite thin. A little scarred up. A little panicky at times, if you don't mind me saying. Look, we don't have to get into it, I'm not a shrink, just... think about it. About getting some help for yourself.”

Blue turns away darkly, but Jackie's wheels are already spinning, absent-mindedly sifting his chips through cheese. He does have angry outbursts. He does cling to the brother system and relive bad shit that's happened to him, and sometimes he feels so angry at everyone else around him that he just wants to slink home to his brothers and spend the rest of his life hating the world until it stops scaring him. Post-Incarceration Syndrome. It repeats in his head.

Maybe it's a name for the enemy he's facing.

And if he can admit that there is an enemy to face, if he can admit that there is something that's hurting him - well, maybe then he can fight it too.

“What do we do to help Kayden with all that, though?” asks Blue. “Social isolation and learned helplessness and Stockholm Syndrome. Like a therapist, okay, sure. But what do we do? As his family?”

“I think it will be really good for him to be living with someone again,” Bowlan encourages. “Keeping him company, providing him with the social stimulation he's been missing. Just helping him live again, you know? He needs hobbies other than drawing for fourteen hours a day. Needs to get out of the house, to meet people, to remember who he was before all this. Help him make his own decisions and give him power in his life again so he doesn't think he just has to lie down and let this all happen to him. Respecting his choices is going to be key here. I've been watching you two – I know you want to take care of him. But you will need to be able to let him decide how to take care of himself too once he's feeling a little more stable. Otherwise you'll just become the new boss to him.”

Blue nods. He supposes that's what the cameras said too. Tearing down the big brother system. Treating Dapper like an equal. In the abstract, it all makes sense. He just needs to start applying it. Harder than it sounds, but... necessary. Vital, even. Shit, this is going to be difficult.

"Do you have any questions for me?" asks the doctor.

#just added a read more for the length and cause not everyone's interested in the psychology side of things

6 notes · View notes

whitefoxed · 3 years

Text

Come Wake Me Up

@the-muse-mansion | Re-Archived: Written to this.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, three seasons have since passed from the last time the ground here crunched beneath the soles of his shoes. Stumbling in the dark, Lise saw the previous barren trees and shrubbery were now heavy with leaves, rustling dryly like quiet murmurs of disapproval at his approach. The night’s cold wind chilled him to the bone.

Dressed in only a white dress shirt, black trousers and loafers, the doctor’s usual tidy appearance was nowhere to be seen. In its place was a look of disarray, the shirt’s top buttons missing, leaving a vulnerably revealing V neck though its upturned collar was an obvious attempt of trying to curb that indecency. Its sleeves were rolled up to the man’s elbows however, making no effort to hide the hand like purple marks around his wrists. That brown hair too, was in a tousled mess, though it had traces of fingers having combed through it in failed effort.

Yet except for that and the lack of colour on his lips, the brunet who now stood at Adam’s door and knocked with the back of his knuckles, was not that much different from the he who stood here last. Breathing in, he let out a quiet sigh. “Open the door… it’s me.”

It was exquisite torture. Waiting each day for a word, a call, a letter, anything to show that he wasn’t hated and despised for some mysterious reason. Though he could not think of any reason for that to be the case, Adam could not think otherwise. Silence was all too telling after all.

So he lost himself to his music, compositions darker than any he’d written before, harsh and jarring manifestations of his own self loathing born of the conviction that he’d managed to screw this up somehow. It was all that kept him from ending it all in a desperate attempt to escape. That and the small undying hope that Lise would return one day.

Cursing to himself, Adam worked to re-hair his violin bow. It had not stood up well to the last bout of emotional outpouring. It was a task he was not fond of but one he was well practiced at. Even so his fingers stilled as a step sounded at his door. The words that followed would have sent him to his knees had he already not been seated. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible.

If he’d been asked, Adam couldn’t recall leaving the couch and yanking the front door open. “It’s you,” he echoed almost feebly as he drank in the sight before him. Had he finally gone off the deep end and was now left to hallucinations? Would his mind manifest such vivid markings and bruises on the pale skin? Would he imagine the disheveled state as some sort of explanation as to Lise’s absence? He simply had no way of knowing. “Is it you?” he asked with hope coloring his voice like a child hoping the nightmare wasn’t real.

There wasn’t any sound beyond the door, nor would it be unexpected if the one he called upon chose to ignore him, but Lise knew it wouldn’t be long before he was answered. Because despite having ran away from this very porch months ago and abandoning his friend behind, he could still keenly feel that man’s gentility that would afford him at least a word: to stay or go away.

Just as the lingering beauty that was their friendship resurfaced from the watery depths of his memories, the door opened and Lise saw, his lily maid still alive and gazing upon him in the familiar form of a dark haired man. The hand he had kept raised to knock again slowly fell to his side, as he took in the sight, as haunting and beautiful as the name his mind had bequeathed Adam.

“… Yes… May I come in? It’s cold out here.” Tiredly, grey eyes - brighter than normal, as if touched by fever - raised and met the other’s searching gaze proper as he spoke with long shallow breaths in between. It was indeed cold out here, but what truly bothered him was the vulnerability of being exposed in the open. Where any predator could take him.

Seeing how Adam was looking at him and thinking he should explain his sudden return, Lise broke into a chuckle and dropped his head to his right shoulder, revealing dried, new scars on his pale neck. His own pallor was not the same as Adam’s, it was livelier, like the blush of pink sunlight over fresh snow. But it made the dull red craters all the more grotesque.

“I made a mistake last year… I left a true friend.” Voice cracking with a broken smile, Lise blinked away his watering eyes, unconscious of how his arms had wrapped around himself defensively.

By force of habit, his dark gaze flicked out to the night stretching out beyond the circle of his porch light. Lise, by all appearances, was alone though why Adam was concerned by that, he couldn’t say exactly. Perhaps it was nothing more than instinct.

Stepping aside, he invited the human into his home, door closing and locking behind him. Questions flooded to the fore, each jostling for position to be the first voiced. And with each detail the vampire’s eyes noted, the more difficult it became to remain calm. Whatever had happened in the past, and it was clear a great deal had occurred, Lise was safe here. Only Eve ever sought him out Others avoided this dying and decrepit city in favor for the more thriving metropolises or artistic meccas.

“Where have you been?” Fuck. He tried for neutrality in tone but damn him if there wasn’t the brush of hurt and accusation underlying his words. Biting back the rest of his questions, Adam busied himself with tugging a blanket off a chair and wrapping it around the slender frame of his friend and urging him to sit closer to the fire.

Where indeed. “…Lost.” Not that he hadn’t thought of giving a proper answer, like being at his work and the hospital, staying in strictly human places during the day and home at night, drinking with people he knew and just plainly avoiding vampires… until recently. But he couldn’t bring himself to, seeking the comfort of what was their friendship with such poetic conversations.

It was a shame he only realised now how he disappointed and failed to reciprocate the respect Adam gave him.

A blanket was then draped around his shoulders, drawing his scattered gaze back upon the dark man beside him before he followed Adam’s urging and brought himself to sit nearer to those flames. Chill had permeated deep into his bones and as if the strained vigilance he had kept on his journey back here finally broke from knowing he was finally safe, the cold suddenly became unbearable and his teeth clattered, shivers turning even his hands shaky.

Lise wrapped the blanket tighter around himself, turning his eyes back upon Adam. “I’m sorry.”

“Lost? A simple word for the time that’s passed. A simple word for the look I see in your eyes now. A simple word for the way you are curling upon yourself.” The idea of an apology, no matter how heartfelt, was put aside for the moment. Understanding must come first, if understanding was to be had.

“Be clear with me Lise. Something has happened and I would have the truth of it before this goes further.” If there were revenge to be had, by all the darkest demons that resided within him, Adam would have it. First he needed answers, he needed information.

Warmth from the blanket and fire seeped through his skin, calming the tremors. The fear that hounded his heels since he woke up and made his way here seemed to have been held at bay by the door. His gaze flickered from Adam to where it was, then back around them, and for the first time felt grateful that Adam kept his curtains closed all the time.

Shaky lips pursed and parted, far too dry as he thought about how to phrase his words. Feeling safe, he did not even think of lying, nor did he have the energy or intention to. “I’m sorry… I got scared. So… I’d left. Stayed home. Worked. Stayed with humans.” With every word he spoke, his arms got tighter around his legs, having brought his knees up somehow. He could not look at Adam anymore, too ashamed, keeping his gaze on the wooden floor.

”But… I missed you… and us… it’s been too long, and I didn’t know how-” Guilt strangled his throat and he choked, coughing before he could continue. “So I thought I’d try to know more first.” Read up on vampires, ask questions on the net and-

“There was a human-friendly bar.” Different from his words prior, these echoed out emptily and Lise’s eyes blanked out, having found their direction somewhat at the fire. When they came back into focus, they dropped to his bruised wrists. “Been there for a week… met someone. He was cool… said he had something in his car to show me. Then…” This.

Two nights. He had been lucky. Guy went out and the ropes were not that tight. Kicked a window and made his way here. But he did not want to think about those two nights.

Adam watched and listened in utter stillness. With each second it seemed as if Lise turned into some hardened but brittle thing that would shatter at the wrong word or gesture. And so Adam remained unmoving lest he misstep.

Ah, but then, the words started to sink in and the images they painted became clearer. And the knot in his stomach grew and tightened. He knew of such bars and the dangers they presented to the overly trusting or the unwary. He was humbled by the intent Lise had held but infuriated by the way he went about satisfying it. With a clenched jaw and a dark look that was quickly averted, Adam managed to maintain his calm exterior.

“What did he look like? What was his name?” The vampire’s voice was soothingly soft but no less intense. He now had intentions of his own. Someone beloved to him had be terrorized and he could not let it stand. “Where was the bar?”

Led by Adam’s gentle voice, Lise answered without thinking. “Andy… I think they called him Andrew.” He blinked and shook his head, as if trying to clear his mind. “Brown hair, tall… bigger than me or you…” He was shaking again, but this time it went unnoticed by the man himself, who was busy soaking in the warmth of the fire. “Looked like them P.E. teachers…” The nice, sunny kind of guy… funny how a vampire could be sunny… Lise gulped, remembering how it all turned terrifying instead.

He didn’t notice the change in Adam, still too caught up from his escape.

Bar?… Lise’s eyes finally moved to try and meet Adam’s, as his head took its time to shift from remembering that vampire to reverse and recall the bar he mentioned earlier instead. “Erm… it’s called the Hook-Up… you can find it on main street at Corktown… just knock to go to the basement… that’s why I-” His breath hitched again, before he stopped talking. Instead he stared at his long lost friend… well, the friend he abandoned for so long.

Adam moved closer as he stored the description away. The name wasn’t familiar but that meant little in the long run. Names were as changeable as the seasons for those who lived centuries. “Shhhh,” he said softly, attempting to soothe the tremors away the best he could. “You don’t have to worry about him,” he continued, assuming that the shaking was born of the fear that this Andrew would find him again. “That’s why what?” he asked, genuinely curious as to the ending of that sentence. It didn’t really matter in the long run what Lise had been going to say but damned if Adam wasn’t just a little starved for his friend’s company and quick thoughts. In the back of his mind the vampire was busy trying to sort out everything necessary for Lise’s recovery but he found himself at a loss. So for now it was this; a comforting hand on a shoulder and a soft word. Revenge could wait for now though no forever.

“-Thought it was safe.” Staring at Adam, the words he had forgotten finally returned to his tongue and he breathed. After so long, his friend was still his friend and still cared. It was like the fact finally caught up with him. Lise breathed in deeply as he tried to keep his eyes from watering.

Corktown was filled with humans. It wasn’t that popular, but there were plenty of bars popping up in the area that made it attractive. Even at night there was quite a crowd with enough neon lights to brighten up the whole street. For just one of them to have a small vampire friendly bar downstairs seemed well- friendly enough. He just didn’t think he could be so easily kidnapped in ‘broad daylight’. “Adam, I’m sorry.” He apologised again, more lucid this time.

“How… have you been?” Without even noticing, his tremors had ceased and the blanket around him was finally warm enough.

Resolutely, Adam shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for. I, on the other hand, do. I made you feel unsafe, made you feel as if you had to flee.” With a clenched jaw, he bit off the rest of his words. This was neither the time nor the place for self recriminations. He focused on practical issues instead. “I have nothing to offer in the way of food or drink but I can order out easily enough. Are you hungry?”

He stood and went in search of his phone. Having only recently joined the current decade in regards to telephonic communication, Adam often misplaced the device as he rarely had use for it. He located it under a stack of papers after a minute of searching. “Allow me to correct myself,” he muttered as he fished out the charging cord. “I’ll be able to order in a minute or two. Damned thing is dead again.” He glanced at Lise as he spoke, pleased to see that he looked more at ease than he had.

Lise bit his lip. Guilt still clawed at him listening to Adam’s reply, but he already couldn’t quite remember why he was so scared of Adam in the first place. Sometimes a perfect memory isn’t all that perfect. What he felt made little sense.

“Mn… yes.” It had been two days since he last ate. Apparently Andy didn’t think much of feeding a soon-to-be-dead prey. Lise snuggled in the comfort of the blanket, soft from age and use. Watching Adam fish out the dead communicator, a nostalgic smile crept unknowingly unto his lips, amused and relieved that Adam’s still the same after all this time. Such was the image Adam would see when he glanced back at Lise, who was much more relaxed than when he came in before. Quiet crackles of firewood and Adam’s rustling about fixing the phone were all very comforting sounds, with familiarity rushing back after two nights of horror. With it, came the exhaustion that slowly weighed itself on the young man and he leaned against the coffee table nearby, trying not to sleep.

He gave a glance to the clock on the wall then moved to check the heavy drapes. It was nothing more than nervous fussing in an attempt to keep questions and anxiety at bay. What should he be doing now? What would be best for his friend? What were the chances that Lise would be followed here? On a level he was hoping that would be the case but not at this moment. Now was for his friend.

He moved with careful deliberation, not that he ever truly rushed anywhere anyway, stopping to kneel next to the huddled figure. “Your eyes are starting to close,” he observed quietly. “Let’s get off the floor and find a place for you to sleep?”

"We’re not ordering food?...” Lise mumbled groggily, squinting his eyes open to look at Adam. Struggling to keep himself awake, he nodded anyway to what Adam said, thinking he should listen to him to not trouble him further. Stumbling as he tried to get up, another wave of dizziness from the anemia rolled over him.

He would try to follow where Adam led him though, and as soon as they reached their destination, his remaining strength drained out of him and he crashed down, legs left hanging off to the floor. It would be at least some hours before the man will wake up again.

#themusemansion #t.themusemansion #t.adam.come wake me up #t #'sorry it's short ><

6 notes · View notes

ships-n-giggles · 3 years

Text

Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity; How Nintendo Subverted Expectations and Emphasizes Unity over the Lone Hero Trope

Having played Age of Calamity to death, I was one of the many people who expected the same outcome of a prequel to the much beloved Breath of the Wild; an exciting, battle based game that ultimately confirms the outcome that we see in flashbacks of Link’s service to the princess before his 100 year slumber, a tragedy waiting to happen.

But, spoilers down below, the rug gets pulled from under your feet in the most positive and heartwarming way.

In order to emphasize the message of Age of Calamity, let’s return to Breath of the Wild for a minute. The game shows very clearly that this follows the Hero’s Journey, which we’ve played many times before in Zelda games. This Lone Hero Trope, as I call it, is the dedication of a single person for a greater cause, who shoulders heavy burdens on their own in order to carry out a noble mission. Both Link AND Zelda represent this trope! Not only do we learn of Zelda’s quiet, lone suffering as she struggles and fails to achieve her inner sealing power, but we see it visually when we play as Link, following his quest to defeat Ganon.

Just look at the Memory Images Link follows. When each one opens up, Link and Zelda often stand apart as time begins. Even their fellow Champions stand apart during the first memory where Link is being knighted, expressing doubts and concerns, while Zelda shrinks with reluctance.

But then when we see the opening scene of the first playthrough mission of Age of Calamity, our first shot of Link not only has him teaming up with an entire platoon, but they’re all united. Standing together, roused by a common cause to fight evil, and positioned close together. In many of the cutscenes thereafter, there’s an increasing closeness to all the characters, and a budding sense of familiarity.

What changed? Baby Guardian.

The Baby Guardian is only given a short period of time to be seen by the audience in the opening prequel, awakened by Zelda’s sealing power, and urged to flee back to the past to find her. We see the shift from Lone Hero to Unity right away; Baby Guardian knows they can’t carry out the rescue of Hyrule on their own and instinctively goes to find someone he KNOWS can. In doing so, he finds Link and Impa, who are pulled to Zelda’s side while chasing him. From then on out, this change draws more and more people together.

Now I have my own theory, which you can agree or disagree with. What we see of Baby Guardian in Zelda’s flashbacks of him hark to a childhood when her mother the Queen was still alive. And, to a smaller degree, we can connect this memory to another one not seen, but shown when Zelda gives her father a tool she and her mother found while investigating Sheikah technology.

Though her mother is dead, she is still sending means to protect her family, all of which are only achieved when the characters communicate and listen to each other. King Rhoam would most certainly have perished to the Guardian assault on Hyrule Castle if he had not accepted the tool Zelda gave him, and Zelda would not have developed her power to fight with the Sheikah tools had Baby Guardian not arrived either.

The very fact that there are literal swarms of monsters, more intense challenges, only drives home how hard it is to take someone down when they’re not alone. Any of the playable characters can take down literally hundreds if not THOUSANDS of monsters at a time because in most cases, they’re not doing it on their own. Just look at the characters we can recruit; while Hetsu, the Great Fairies, and Monk Maz Koshia are all aids to Link’s journey in Breath of the Wild, we never receive their aid as staunchly as we do in Age of Calamity. Even Kohga ends up joining the fight, when it becomes clear that Astor is a threat to their existence. And the more that join, the greater the offense.

Why change the future? What turns this prequel into a spinoff with a happy ending? It’s a shift in mindsets; from Rhoam’s to Baby Guardians.

Whether you can appreciate the King of Hyrule as a complex character or hate him for being a terrible father, the fact of the matter is that he is not only a leader, but a manifestation of Hyrule as a kingdom All kings more or less fill this role as a model for what a kingdom could be. Rhoam undoubtedly was raised to follow the Hero’s Journey to the letter, to expect a princess with sealing powers, a Hylian with a sword to seal the darkness and a monster to overcome. But when things don’t happen the way the stories tell him, like when Zelda can’t access her sealing power, he only buckles down on the importance of sole strength.

This ends up being a fatal flaw in Breath of the Wild, as he ends up pushing his daughter away. In his diary, readable in Hyrule Castle if you access his private office, we see his regrets, and decision to accept her no matter what....all far too late by the time he writes them.

But in Age of Calamity, when faced with the huge group Zelda has gathered with Baby Guardian’s help, as well as having been rescued by the very technology he tried to urge Zelda away from, he can’t deny the facts any longer. After Rhoam is recruited as a playable character, we see much less of him as a leader. He’s accepted his daughter’s growth, aided by the help of her friends, and seen the truth for what it is.

That a people united is a people saved.

Now don’t misunderstand me. I love Breath of the Wild. The music, the challenging shrines and boss battles, all of it. However Age of Calamity hit me emotionally and more or less exposed some of the weaknesses of most Zelda games. While there have been mild exceptions, we’re so used to carrying the burden of saving the whole world on our own, we forget just what a crushing responsibility it must be for these young people. We can see it in Zelda’s heartbreaking scene in the Spring of Courage, cursing her fate, pushed to tears, and standing apart. It sends a particularly poignant message to me now, often feeling like the only way something can get done is if I do it on my own.

But Breath of the Wild is evidence to why this doesn’t work. While we can see a true victory over Ganon, a kingdom saved, and a princess rescued, we also see the toll it took before it could be achieved. The Champions, King, and countless other civilians and soldiers are killed. Zelda and Link are left alone again to pick up the pieces of a fractured, weakened kingdom. The Hero’s Journey is set to continue, a long, solitary journey of hardship.

Age of Calamity on the other hand, showed how beneficial and wonderful it is to conquer a daunting world with your friends. Not only does it spirit you to the end of your journey faster, but it reinforces the message that “burdens shared are burdens halved”. And we get to save our friends, by calling upon the ones we made in Breath of the Wild through Riju, Teba, Sidon, and Yunobo. Most of the missions playable in the game, at least for replay, are able to be done by ANYONE. If you play the final battle with Link, you can replay it with Baby Guardian.

Anyone can be a hero if you fight together.

#hyrule warriors age of calamity #hw aoc #legend of zelda breath of the wild #loz botw

2 notes · View notes

adapembroke · 3 years

Text

Reading Tarot Like The High Priestess

My first exposure to the High Priestess in the movie The Mists of Avalon, a retelling of the myth of Arthur from the perspective of the women in the story. The character who most embodies the High Priestess in the first part of the film is the high priestess Vivian. She is powerful, mysterious, and magical. Like the Magician, the High Priestess is a master of all the elements, but, while the Magician’s magic comes from tools, Viviane and her priestesses use none. If they want to light a pile of sticks on fire, they uses their mind. If they want to lower the mists, their only tools are their hands. The source of the Magician’s power is external. Even if the Magician works with metaphors, the metaphors he uses are ones that have meaning in the outside world. Viviane and her priestesses find the source of their power internally. When a young priestess fails to light a pile of sticks on fire because she is distracted by visions of her brother, Viviane doesn’t tell her to get better at using her wand. She tells her to concentrate, to control her mind.

The power of the mind and intuition, this is the power of the High Priestess.

The High Priestess’s Magic is Intuition

How do you talk about intuition? It’s so different for everyone. Some people have a very physical experience of intuition. When they’re about to do something wrong, they literally feel it in their gut. Other people see colors or hear a skeptical grumbling noise from a guide. Some people just know things and have learned to trust that, even if they can’t give a reason. Some people are particularly adept at noticing signs and omens. Some people need tools to help them hear their intuition. They practice automatic writing or morning pages every morning, or they start their day with a Tarot reading, or are very particular about knowing what all of the astrological transits are and how they effect them.

All of these diverse ways of hearing from inner wisdom is beautiful, if you know what your style of intuition is, but it can be a nightmare for someone who is just starting to figure out how to work with intuition. You need intuition in order to know what your style of intuition is, and with so many options, it can be really difficult to figure out where and how to listen.

The dictionary is no help with this whatsoever. The word “intuition” comes from the Latin word intuit which means “contemplate,” which is a compound word of “to look” and “upon.” So, intuition is the thing you look at, but what are you looking at, exactly? Definitionally, intuition is like an onion. You try to get to the center of it and find nothing but air. The dictionary isn’t wrong. The messages of intuition may (or may not) be dramatic for the person experiencing them, but intuition is private, subjective. There is really nothing for anyone else to see.

Intuition relies on what the political theorist Hannah Arendt called “a silent dialogue between me and myself.” It is in this idea that we begin to get some insight into what intuition really is. It is a way of communicating with yourself. Arendt called this silent dialog “thinking,” but intuition is more than thinking. Thinking is communicating with your rational self. Intuition communicates with parts of yourself that have nothing to do with rationality at all, the sides of yourself that are a little closer to the animals and a little closer to the gods.

The first type of intuition, the animal side, is often called your “gut.” I call it the “animal side” because it’s the kind of intuition animals have. It’s the part of you that has an animal sense of people and places. It’s highly attuned to danger and safety, friend and foe. It’s the part of you that will not shut up about avoiding that stupid stairwell at work, even though you never run into anyone there, and taking it shaves five minutes off your walk to your bus. It’s the part of you that looks at someone you’ve never met and says, “That person is bad news.” Or it’s the part of you that’s kind of like a golden retriever, who meets someone for the first time and desperately, happily wants that person to be your friend.

The second type of intuition, the divine side, is what people usually mean when they say intuition. It’s a little bit ethereal and mysterious. It’s the part of you that knows this pendulum is for you and not that one. It’s the part of you that knows your friend really needs a hug, even though they haven’t said anything and everything about their body language says they’re fine. It’s not rational. There is no rational reason why the pendulum with the quartz stone and the moon handle is better for you than the amethyst stone with a quartz handle, but something in you knows, even before you try the pendulum, that one is for you, and the other one is not.

The more mystical expression of intuition has historically been associated with women. Some, even today, call this type of intuition “women’s intuition” and deny that people who aren’t women have access to this type of knowing at all. This is wrong. Intuition has nothing to do with estrogen or gender signaling. Everyone, regardless of their gender has intuition, but if you don’t identify as a woman, you may have a difficult time finding people in the media who use intuition to make decisions and look like you. Until this problem is fixed, sitting with the lack of representation can be, itself, a way of working with the high priestess.

The Dark Goddess

One of the High Priestess’s symbols is the moon. This marks her as a priestess of the Dark Goddesses. Dark Goddesses like Ceridwen, Hekate, and the Morrigan are comfortable with the darker side of human nature. Hekate is the goddess of witches who aren’t necessarily nice. Ceridwen is famous for her anger, and the Morrigan chooses those who are to be slain on the battlefield and eventually merged in the lore with the ban sidhe, the fairy monster who wails for the dead.

Why does the High Priestess come now in the Fool’s Journey? Why do we jump from the optimism of the Magician to a priestess of the goddesses of anger and death?

To answer that question, I’ll add another chapter to the story about Silicon Valley from “Reading Tarot Like The Magician.” In the beginning of the life of a technology startup, things look shiny and wonderful. You’re the Magician. You have this wonderful idea, and you know that no one else in the world has ever thought of anything like it. You feel like a genius. All you need to do is raise your hand on the right street in Palo Alto, and you know that all of the bankers are going to come running with their checkbooks begging you for the privilege of giving you cash.

You start to do the work. It goes well. You start to actually manifest some things in the world.

Then disaster strikes. You find out about a rival who came up with your idea six months earlier than you did. You make some appointments with bankers, and you feel like you’re speaking a foreign language when you talk to them, and they can’t understand what is so genius about your work. You learn that your idea isn’t actually that easy to implement. It’s hard work, and you’ve already quit your job, and you don’t own anything but your laptop and a box of frozen burritos. Your apartment is a tiny corner of somebody’s garage the size of a cubicle that you share with fifteen other startups.

You reach a dark night of the soul, and you come face to face with what kind of person you are when you’re miserable and under pressure. Ideally, you acknowledge your negative emotions. You figure out how you’re going to deal with being so angry, depressed, and jealous without causing anyone harm. At the very least, if you are going to keep going, you have to turn inward and face yourself. You need to connect with the part of yourself that wants to continue doing something difficult when so many things in the outer world—including rationality itself—seem to be against you. The part of us that stands between us and the darkness, between our rationality and the things we know that transcend rationality, this is the High Priestess.

Many people first encounter the High Priestess archetype during dark times in their lives. Until they go through those times, their lives simply don’t give them a reason to turn inward, and they have no reason to do the kind of intense contemplation that making friends with this archetype—and developing intuition—requires. If they come out of it, they will be more powerful and more intuitive and in more control of themselves than they’ve ever been, but like the High Priestess, they must do this work without tools.All they have are their will and their hands and their eyes and their gut.

With one exception.

The High Priestess’s Book

The High Priestess’s only tool is a book. Why this exception? The reason for this comes back to the dictionary definition of intuition, which is so deeply connected with “contemplation.”

Contemplation in most usages is just another word for thinking, but it also has a deeper meaning. In Druidry and some branches of Christianity, contemplation is a meditative act that is often assisted by reading sacred texts. This practice is sometimes called lectio divina, which translates as “divine reading.”

Divine reading is another gateway to developing intuition, one that is not quite as soul-tearing as the dark night of the soul. Engaging in that “silent dialog between me and myself” is difficult when you’re first starting out, and it can help to start by having a silent dialog between yourself and a book.

In divine reading, you turn your attention to a passage from a sacred text or poem, and after you’ve read it once, you go back and turn your attention to word or phrase or sentence that draws your attention. You don’t try to justify your decision rationally. You just go with the thing that stands out to you. And you think about the passage for a long time. If you think about it long enough, you find that you are, eventually, no longer dialoging with the book at all but dialoging with yourself. If you allow the dialog to go on long enough, you usually discover the reason why you chose that passage in the first place. Even if the reason for your choice remains mysterious, the decision to honor your intuition enough to act on it be an essential first step in learning to hear and work with your intuition.

The High Priestess in Divination

Like the Magician, the High Priestess is a beginner. She stands at the door of intuition. She accesses the waters of intuition behind her—and their attendant goddess—remotely, through the moon on her head and the book in her hands. Some come to her and ask her mediate between them and the Dark Goddess, but she knows there is only so much help they can get from the outside, and so she directs them back to their own wisdom.

As diviners, it is essential that we have a working relationship with intuition. Intuition tells us which cards to read or stones to throw. It guides us to the most important areas of a birth chart to focus on, and it tells us that this interpretation of a card is right and not that one, but there are times when intuition itself is the answer. There are times when a reading refuses to give answers and redirects our clients—or ourselves—to that deep inner knowing.

“Know yourself,” the High Priestess says. “Trust yourself.“

When you work with the High Priestess while doing divination, you are fundamentally alone. When you are learning her lessons, circumstances will conspire to make sure that you have a lot of alone time, or you may find yourself withdrawing into the darkness to commune with yourself. Don’t fight it. Darkness and quiet and solitude are necessary to begin to hear your own voice, and it is only after you have explored the dark corners of your soul that you can begin to hear the sides of yourself that rule your intuition and speak without words.

This post was originally published on Aquarius Moon Journal on 21 February 2020.

#witchblr #tarot

14 notes · View notes

readingsbylibramc · 3 years

Text

birth chart reading for @nancydrewandhisbuttsniffingdog

hello! welcome to your reading. I’m gonna give you a quick overview of what I’m going to analyze about your natal chart. feel free to ask me anything if something isn’t clear, of course. you’ll find out your dominants’ influence on your persona, your physical appearance, impression on others and the way you approach the world; your ego, identity, the real you; your reactions, your desires, inner emotions; your way of expressing your feelings, your mind and ideas; your desires and approach to love; your energy tank, instincts and temperament; in-depth analysis of each house with their rulers and analysis of heavy aspects; love life + soulmates/karmic partners interpretation; your relationship with your friends; your family life; your approach to career and work in general + possible jobs suggestion; your style, fashion sense analysis; life purpose and past life description; basic transits’ analysis to describe your current mood and, last but not least, your secret skills, how to make the most out of your soul and manifest what you desire based on your birth chart.

🦋 chart shape, dominants

your chart is a splay shape, meaning that your planets are located randomly in different groups in your chart. people with this type of chart are usually very talented at different things. they can focus their attention on different matters, from family, to work, to love. everything is important for you, and you try to live your life to the fullest. you may be particularly talented at things that require action, it doesn’t matter whether it’s physical or mental. you may be very good at sports, dancing… or maybe you’re good at leading, you could easily be the boss on your work place. since you’re interested in so many things, you could easily be skilled at all of them to be honest. my advice would be to pick the hobby that is most important for you and care about it more than the others. that’s because people with this chart usually tend to do so many things that they may lack precision. it’s better to give all of yourself to what’s important for you.

your dominant planets are the moon, mercury and mars. you are a very emotional person, you probably feel things intensely even though you may be prone to mood swings. you are also a very hard-working person, you are a perfectionist and you strive to be the #1 at everything you do.

your dominant sign is virgo. with virgo as your dominant sign, I assume that you're very astute and practical. you have great problem-solving skills, and you have the ability to stay collected even under stressful situations. you're quite logical, but you also a warm, generous heart. you love helping others, as long as they don't try to take advantage of your kindness.

your dominant element is fire. you have a warm heart, even though it may be covered by your confidence and independence. in fact, you always strive for the first place. people may be intimidated by your presence, as you're a serious competitor. thanks to this competitive nature of yours you may be very positive and optimistic, making you a good and supportive friend/partner.

🌎 ascendant in cancer, 15° / 2nd decan ruled by the moon and pluto

with your ascendant in the sign of cancer, you appear way more sweet and approachable than your virgo sun, which is obviously very beneficial for you. being a water sign, cancer risings individuals are very intuitive and emotional, and that is exactly how you approach the world. you rely more on your 6th sense rather than logic, and mixed with your virgo sun you're both logical and empathetic. you can read people's mood very well, it's easy for you to understand whether someone is sad, angry, happy... because of that, you always try to make people feel at ease, you're always kind with people, and that makes you extremely likeable. also, since cancer is ruled by the moon, you're probably a very genuine person. it's hard for you to hide your real emotions, and even if you wanted to hide them you wouldn't be capable. you could also have frequent mood swings. you have a strong sense of family and comfort to you, and hence it's extremely essential for you feel at ease to truly be yourself. let's suppose you're with a group of friends, and they suddenly bring someone with them that isn't very nice; you would probably get very stiff, and your mood would immediately go down. you also tend to be like a mother / sister to others, you hardly ever have superficial bonds. physically, since cancer is ruled by the moon you may have very round and big features to you; you could have big, watery and round eyes with perfect lashes, a button nose, plump lips... in addition, you may be petite or average height, and you could bloat easily.

cancer venus conjunct cancer ascendant: you have the planet of beauty (venus) conjunct your appearance (ascendant). you're surely very attractive! even if you're not a conventional beauty, there's still a certain charm to you that can't get overlooked. you're very feminine and polite, especially with strangers. you care about the impression you make on others, even though you shouldn't worry that much, as it's generally good. you're probably very sociable, it doesn't matter whether you're introverted or not. you still have amazing social skills, and you also have a very charming voice. you literally draw people to you, I imagine it's not hard for you to make new friends and engage in conversations randomly. you also care a lot about the way you look, hence you probably have a skincare/workout routine, and you're fond of shopping and selfcare in general. you want to always look at your best; that's caused by the fact that you're secretly quite of insecure about your looks. you may have the tendency to think that the compliments you receive aren't honest, and people are just trying to be nice to you. another downside to this placement is that you may attract people's jealousy. even though this could be a self-esteem boost for someone, it may be hard for one to handle, in your case especially in relationships, maybe with your friends, but I'll talk more about this later.

cancer ascendant square libra mars: you could say things impulsively, and sometimes you're too blunt and hurt people's feelings. you don't do it on purpose, though, there's no malice behind your acts; it's just your natural way to express your opinions. on the other hand, you probably have a very strong charisma to you that makes you look very captivating and bold. people see you as a leader, and hence they could get intimidated by your presence. to cope with this placement, you can try controlling yourself and your words before speaking. I'm aware that it's a way to vent your anger, but you can find another way that doesn't hurt others.

🌞 sun in virgo, 8° / 1st decan ruled by mercury

this is the least intimidating virgo decan. you probably have a reputation for always being calm and elegant, as you try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. you're very smart and insightful, and you strive for perfection; in a room, you always want to be the best, whether it's fashion-wise, or maybe at work or school. you're a perfectionist, you can't bear being #2. to be perfect, you don't bring others down like aries, though. that's because you want to prove your power to yourself, not to others. it's like a way to increase you low self-esteem. in fact, it depends a lot on your achievements; if you don't meet your expectations, you start going through a hard time of insecurity and struggles. you find beauty in aesthetically-pleasant things, therefore you care a lot about hygiene and possibly about looks too. for example, your house probably looks very neat, and you chose your furniture wisely. you clean it everyday, you can't stand dust or any bad smells. you're also very organized, but you tend to base your life too much on a schedule. you love communicating, despite your taurus moon that definitely makes you more secretive than other virgo suns. your eyes talk for you, though. you're also very introspective, and you're fond of art and creativity in general. you're very critical, both of yourself and of others. you don't do it with malice, though, but you want to frequent people that try to be at their best all the time, just like you after all.

virgo sun square gemini jupiter: this is a hard aspect, which could make you feel even more proud of yourself due to your taurus moon. you may feel like the universe is constantly against you, especially with your pessimistic virgo dominance. you may feel unlucky, or even overindulge in things you like to cope with sadness or anger. you may have the tendency to overeat, buy useless things etc. you go from having a low self-esteem, to even looking very bossy without even realizing it. you struggle to keep your identity balanced, even though you might have not been aware of it at first. to achieve fortune and joy in life, you need to work hard for it. to do so, you have to learn your karmic lessons in this lifetime, which probably revolve around your job and finances.

🌙 moon in taurus, 2° / 1st decan ruled by venus

the moon is exalted in taurus, so it's definitely a good placement! you're very peaceful, you try to avoid conflicts when you can. taurus' most striking feature is that they crave stability, whether it's financial, in love etc. you must be very stubborn, as taurus is a fixed sign, this placement, paired with your imaginative cancer energy, makes you settle on making your ideas concrete, and it's very beneficial. it makes you capable of achieving any goals in your life. you're also very artsy, and you may fancy particular art styles. you have a good eye for aesthetics, and you care a lot about the looks of your house, body, clothes etc. you have excellent concentration, and that is another thing that helps you achieve your goals and make your ideas concrete. last but not least, you're amazingly patient, and that makes you a great friend. probably, they vent a lot of their worries to you, as you're also a great listener.

taurus moon opposite scorpio pluto: your emotions are so intense that they almost scare those around you. in fact, you're prone to accentuated mood swings; when you're happy, you start smiling and laughing joyfully. when you're sad, you're the type to cry, scream, even throw up in some cases. that's how far you go with your emotions. maybe, you also feel repressed to express your feelings exactly for this reason. you probably also have a conservative/possessive mother (or just any member of your family), with whom you don't feel at ease expressing your emotions. or maybe, your mother was absent throughout your life. on the other hand, you can understand others' feelings, but be careful not to use it to manipulate others. you could also be very paranoid, and might develop addictions and anxiety disorders, especially with your sensitive cancer rising.

🗣 mercury in libra, 0° / 1st decan ruled by venus

you're very diplomatic! you always try to be nice and gentle with your words, you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. your tone of voice is extremely soft, sometimes it could even be hard to understand what you say, as you could naturally have a low voice. you're extremely balanced, you have amazing problem-solving skills as you're able to see both side of an argument. it's natural for you to understand what's right and what isn't, and most of the times you're actually right. when you're with someone you're not really close to, you could even be the accommodating type who allows others to speak over your voice, or maybe you let others speak first as a gesture of kindness. I feel like with your mars dominance you have very strong opinions, and you're actually particularly proud of them. luckily, this placement makes you able to communicate them with diplomacy. you could often get angry if someone tries to prove you wrong, but aside from that, you try to be very elegant and formal when you speak. you're probably not fond of cursing, or at least you try to appear as mannered as possible with people you're not comfortable around. last but not least, you're such a charismatic, smooth talker that you result very persuasive. you're able to trick people with your words, which appear very diplomatic and calm.

libra mercury square sagittarius saturn: this placement gives you limitations and lessons regarding the way you think and talk. it may be that you’re too shy to approach others and to say what you think, so you just don’t try. otherwise, if you actually take action and try to overcome this problem, you could get into troubles. that’s probably caused by the fact that you don’t really pay attention to your words. you may be particularly pessimistic, or maybe you lack confidence in social interactions due to these problems, which could be possibly caused by your parents, or perhaps interfer in your relationship with your family. in fact, you may argue quite often with others, and misunderstandings are also common. this is something that gets naturally better with time, but in order for it to happen you need to take action. you may for example start speaking with others more at work, anything that allows you to challenge your mind and voice, in order to make you gain experiences and become a master at it. many celebrities, once they mastered this hard aspect, got loads of success. you can do that too, you just need to work on it.

❤️ venus in cancer, 22° / 3rd decan ruled by the moon and neptune

when it comes to love, you're extremely affectionate. you need someone who connects to you emotionally, it matters way more than physical attraction. in a partner you look at their manners, not at their appearance, and hence you're probably not the type to fall in love at first sight. you most likely dream of building a family with your future spouse, you want to be a parent not only to your child but also to your spouse. you like nurturing others, you may be attracted to younger or even immature people that need to be 'saved' by someone to become mature, or perhaps you're the one who craves to be nurtured in a relationship. you probably love being called 'baby', 'honey', 'sweetheart'... this type of names that you find extremely sweet. you may also get clingy at times, as you're most likely very fond of pda and skinship as well. the downside to this placement is that cancer brings sensitivity to whatever placement occupies. that means that you get extremely sensitive when it comes to love, and hence you may be the type to get extremely sad, even depressed, after a break-up, or perhaps you could start caring more about your partner's feelings than yours, becoming quite accommodating, so beware of that now that you know it. don't forget to keep your individuality safe.

☄️ mars in aries, 11° / 2nd decan ruled by mars and the sun

you're very impulsive, it's natural for you to act before you think. you're motivated to pursue your goals, and even though this is a chaotic placement, I think it's a good match with your taurus moon. it mitigates taurus' laziness. you're a natural born leader, you love being the boss and being seen as a point of reference, even though this could make you seem a bit bossy when working in groups. people may see you as fearless, but that's because you don't think much about your decisions. even if you make a wrong choice, you don't give up and try anything to solve it. in fact, you can't stand losing. you're a serious competitor, you always strive for the 1st place. that's also caused by the fact that, with your cancer rising, you're likely afraid that people could see you as too weak, and then take advantage of your kindness. you're very defensive, but your purpose isn't hurting others, but protecting yourself.

🏡 houses

your 1st house is in cancer, with also your venus sitting in this house. the first house rules the exterior, while the moon, cancer’s ruler, rules the inner part of yourself. that means that the way you look depends on how you are inside; if you’re sad, you may have this very depressed look not only on your face, but also in your eyes above all. or perhaps, you could be the type to be what you eat, so you could gain weight easily as soon as you don’t eat clean. you could also be quite weak, you don’t really have high stamina, you’d rather sleep than work out, but being physical active is extremely important for you. you come across as someone very shy, and you most likely are, even though you give off very good vibes, you don’t look intimidating like your scorpio moon would. venus here also makes you come off as someone very kind and warm, people probably look up to you for your charm. you are probably very smart and you could also be a very smooth-talker. physically, you may also have an heart-shaped or round face, with a defined cupid's bow and doe eyes. possibly, you may also have freckles. the ruler of the 1st house is in the 10th house: you are most likely a very mature individual. you probably love your job, you like being in charge and leading people. you could possibly be a bit materialistic, but you work hard to achieve your goals.

your 2nd house is in leo. your self-esteem depends on matters like money, possessions, as well as your influence on others. you may feel confident when you’re praised and spoiled with compliments and material things, you may enjoy being in the spotlight as it increases your self-confidence, even though you’re quite shy so you don’t feel very at ease. you feel confident when you’re able to earn money and you’re financially stable, and hence you probably felt guilty as a child to ask your parents for money for example. you probably love luxury, you aspire to become very wealthy, live in the house of your dreams, etc. you could also dream of becoming famous. and actually, with this placement, you could make money from leo-related matters, and hence being in the spotlight, creativity (especially theatre / drama), comedy, etc. the ruler of the 2nd house is in the 3rd house: you could possibly gain money through communication, and hence you may become very wealthy thanks to things such as teaching, writing, translating, singing, etc .

your 3rd house is in virgo, with also your sun placed there. you’re very precise and polite in the way you express your thoughts. you’re probably very careful to grammar, vocabulary etc… you love looking and being knowledgeable. you’re more of a logical type rather than an intuitive person, you hardly ever do something only out of curiosity. you’re very cautious about the decisions you make, and hence it could take you some time to finally choose something, but that’s because you just don’t want to regret anything. you think deeply about your choices, and most of the time they turn out to be right. you’re strongly opinionated, but you may be a bit too harsh when you express your ideas. sometimes you could even hurt someone, as you’re extremely honest. you don’t like sugar-coating your words. you’re also very intelligent and hard-working, and you can’t stand messy things. you’re probably very neat, you like having schedules and you may even keep an agenda / diary where you keep track of your appointments and other things you have to do.

your 4th house is in virgo, with also your libra mercury there. this is another placement that points out that you lack something due to your family. maybe they couldn’t spend much time with you, as they were busy with work. or maybe, they were overprotective of you, making you insecure. probably even both. this doesn’t mean that you’re hurt, you may not even be aware that you’re lacking a piece of yourself actually. yet, it’s still there, and it influences you a lot on your day-to-day affairs. it could also be that one of your parents was particularly strict, and hence you had to grow up sooner than other kids. or perhaps it's the opposite, you felt like it was impossible for you to grow up, as you had to depend on your parents.

your 5th house is in scorpio, with also your pluto being here. your hobbies most likely include self-expression of any kind, anything that you consider private is told through your creativity. also, with scorpio in this house, you may as well be attracted to darker hobbies like astrology, tarots… possibly, you may be into thriller or even into horror. you may also like psychology, criminology… this type of things that are able to stimulate your mind in some way. you could possibly want to be a risk-taker, deep down. also, you want to become a master in what you like, and hence you tend to go extreme to become perfect. you may dedicate a lot of your spare time to your hobbies, for example, even if you have to work. your romantic relationships may be very intense, you could attract particularly jealous or even obsessive partners in your life. some of them may be painful, but they’ll be essential to become mature and grow up into a better, wiser person. in addition, I see you as the type of person who doesn’t like showing off their partner. you probably keep both your love interests and hobbies personal, you only talk a little about them to your close, trusted friends, especially with your pluto in this house that makes this energy even stronger.

your 6th house is in sagittarius, with also saturn, uranus and neptune sitting there. you are most likely very dedicated to your routine; you could have some workaholic tendencies, you feel the need to be perfect at whatever you want to do in life. in fact, you probably don’t realize that you work more than you should, as you have fun at work and you also like taking care of yourself. if you’re into exercising, you could be the type to workout everyday even if it’s not necessary because it makes you feel good. or perhaps, you could literally skip your sleep just to finish a book you started writing. you’re used to work hard, and hence you most likely do it with pleasure if it involves something you love doing. you try to be very productive in your day-to-day life, even though you don’t mind including fun and relax in your routine either. you may have a ‘light’ work, that is you could turn an hobby of yours into a job, or perhaps you’ll make lots of friends or even lovers on your work place that will make it more pleasant for you to go to work. you may also be very lucky, you could easily get jobs that offer a nice income for example. your health could be good, even though you may struggle with it at first. you could also be inconsistent with diets or workouts for example, and you could suffer from sudden diseases. you could also suffer from poor mental health too, such as an anxiety disorder for example.

your 7th house is in capricorn. this placement makes you very patient with other people, you could be the type to give other possibilities to others for example. capricorn in the 7th house may also manifest in a lack of romanticism in an individual, but I don’t think it’s totally your case. I assume that you are quite romantic, but exactly because of your romanticism, you tend to get very picky. you want your partner to meet your ideals of perfection, and hence you may often end up not dating anyone, or being let down by your own lovers. actually, you could even be afraid of love, especially because there could be a lot of karma around your relationships. you could have to experience lots of hardships throughout your love life, but they’ll help you become more mature. it’s also recommended to get married after your saturn return with this placement, hence after your 27/28 years. you may in fact attract partners that could be quite moody and unconventional, probably very unpredictable as well. with the ruler of the 7th house in the 6th house, you may marry a co-worker of yours, or maybe your boss. perhaps, you may even meet them at your work place, or you two will work in the same field.

your 8th house is in aquarius. you could possibly have an unexpected yet barely painful death, or perhaps someone in your life has died / will die all of a sudden, you may often experience scenarios of this kind. possibly, you could even die due to electricity, and or at least it will be a very fast death, I don’t see it being violent or turbulent at all. or maybe, you’re surrounded by unpredictable events of loss of any kind in your life. that is, it could also happen with your money. it’s important not to risk too much with this placement, especially with gambling, or you may end up getting in serious problems. you’re fascinated by the occult, and you may even be/been able to talk to dead people. you’re very intuitive, and it’s easy for you to read through people’s words. you may as well have prophetic dreams.

your 9th house is in aquarius again. you’re an avid believer of your philosophical and cultural beliefs. you may be interested in teaching, and you could do it through innovative and technological tools. you’re also interested in foreign music, books, movies and any type of hobby. you may be attracted to genres like thriller, sci-fi… you could also believe in aliens. at school you may be considered particular, almost weird for your interests. you’re open-minded, as you appreciate the differences in people and cultures all over the world. jupiter here gives you the natural need to keep grasping information around not only in school but in your life in general, as knowledge is where you find happiness. you hate being told what to do, you want to be free in the decisions you make. you may have to live unexpected situations, as 9th house is also about experiences. you’re the type to feel proud doing something never seen before, as you aspire to be a trend-setter. this may also manifest in your musical, fashion etc. taste. you’re also very opinionated, and you defend your beliefs pretty strongly.

your 10th house is ruled by pisces, with also your mars and the moon placed there. you may be unsure of your future career, or at least indecisive. you may want to do different things, or maybe you have completely no idea. hopefully, the rest of the reading will shed some light on you. usually, people with pisces in the 10th house’s cusp make great healers, hence you may become a doctor of any kind, especially a psychologist. you may also work in the creative, artistic field, e.g you could be an artist, a writer, a musician etc. finding a career is your ultimate goal in life, and it will most probably include communication and mental stimulation of any sort. it’s pretty much the source of your confidence and energy, what your life revolves around. you may have to connect with people on an emotional level for your job, you could probably pursue a creative career that will allow you to express your feelings. I repeat that you would make an awesome psychologist, as you’re able to understand people’s deeper emotions.

your 11th house is in taurus, jupiter is also placed in this house. you could possibly attract people with taurus traits, and hence your friends could be quite stubborn and possessive, but also very loyal and responsible. they could possibly be wealthy, and they could have some artistic, creative interest and / or talent just like you. you may have some trust issues, you’re careful about who you trust, and hence you’re quite cautious about who you befriend. your long-term goals include financial stability, you may be quite materialistic as you enjoy wealth. yet, I assume that thanks to your water placements you’re not as work-focused as other earth placements, you actually also value emotions and feelings too. I feel like you probably have very big goals and dreams that you want to come true. venus indicates that you’re most likely very lucky, and hence you have the potential to achieve everything you desire. jupiter in the 11th also indicates that you may often befriend people, you may be very sociable and make friends easily or perhaps you just attract lots of people in your life. the ruler of the 11th house is in the 1st house: your ultimate goal could involve being confident, maybe achieving your ideal image of yourself. you may also have friends that are very similar to you personality-wise or even physically.

your 12th house is in gemini. the 12th house is the house of fears and gemini rules over communication, and hence you could be afraid to approach others, you’re very shy. you don’t like speaking in public either, same goes for expressing your opinions. you’re always afraid that people may judge you for your ideas, your interests and for the way you speak. on the other hand, you’re a quite spiritual individual. during your sleep you probably get to have lots of meaningful dreams, even though you may sometimes not remember many of them, or even none. it’s a skill of yours that you’ll be able to embrace once you finally wake up spiritually. as I’ve already mentioned above, you could have prophetic dreams and, with gemini’s presence in this house, spirits, angels and other higher entities may try to communicate with you through your dreams or subconscious. you may also be the type to talk non-stop when you’re drunk, and you may even have a habit of talking to yourself. the moon here indicates that you tend to keep your feelings private, you don’t like sharing how you feel. the best way to get to know yourself is being alone and exploring your inner self, maybe even by using tools like astrology, meditation, tarots, etc. you also tend to have lots of energy and ideas, but you may struggle to take action. you could be quite lazy, in a certain sense, or perhaps your energy consists of sporadic bursts rather than constant motivation.

❤️ love life, soulmates

in love you attract capricorn, pisces, cancer and scorpio placements. your future spouse will most likely have cancer and scorpio traits placements; they’ll be very reliable, mature and responsible m, but also with a warm heart and a hidden insecurity to them, even though they are most likely very possessive. they could be very family-oriented, and they won’t lack passion either. your chart hints that you’ll most likely meet them through your friends, perhape they're going to become your friend first and then you'll start dating. you could possibly also meet online, or perhaps during a tough period of your life, when you're growing up. your children will have heavy scorpio / aries traits; they’ll be very active, especially physically, and astute. they’ll be very attached to you and your family in general, even though they could get too possessive, jealous and immature at times. they’ll be very assertive and atheltic as well.

👶🏻 family life

your mother is probably very hard-working, and she has a strong role in your family. she loves being spoiled and appreciated, together with receiving attention. yet, she could sometimes be quite superficial because of that, but deep down she’s very romantic and mannered. she may have gemini placements, or maybe taurus, libra or virgo. your father is a bit softer than your mother, and he might be a pisces or have any type of fire/sagittarius placement in his chart. your father could be a bit moody and / or unpredictable, and he may also have some addictions in the worst case. yet, he also has a very sweet and outgoing side to him that he may struggle to let out. if you have siblings, they’re probably virgos/ fire signs. you have a very pleasant relationship with them, you're all very playful and generous and you used to always stand up for each other, even though there could have been a bit of competition.

📊 career

you most likely have great communication skills and writing abilities. you’re very logical and precise, you’d definitely do well in a field that requires calm and organization. I can also picture you being an amazing teacher or even professor. based on your other placements, you could also do well at literally any creative career! you may be a dancer, a singer, or even something more complex like a creative director. otherwise, you could also be successful as a designer, an architect, a scientist… something that allows you to be mostly independent, but that can still guarantee you mental stimulation and a decent income, and that also allows you to use your creative neptunian energy. last but not least, I also see you being an incredible healer, therefore you would make a skilled therapist, psychologist or even a nurse.

👚 fashion sense, style analysis

your style is most likely very androgynous, you wear pieces of clothing that are literally suitable for everyone. you probably prefer wearing oversized fits rather than tight clothes, and you're also fond of sweatshirts, big cardigans or jackets, oversized t-shirts... anything that feels very comfortable, but that still has some feminine, classy energy to it. you may like softer, natural shades of colours like white, beige, black, etc. in your clothes, and you could also enjoy prints and graphics on them. you may also be attracted to vintage fashion.

👁 past life, life purpose

during your past life, it was hard for you to get out of your comfort-zone. you preferred staying in your small environment rather than challenge yourself. that made you again awareness of how to act in small communities, but this lifetime you need to go farther than that. you need to prove that what you learned in your past life is the key to nurture your skills, and be able to apply them in a larger environment. you may find yourself travelling a lot, gaining lots of widsom from your experiences... in this lifetime, you basically need to learn through the communication abilities you gained in your previous life.

🤔 major transits analysis / may 26th

since your natal pluto is conjunct your transit moon, you may feel particularly moody in these days. it could be that you’re starting to crave love or communicating in general in the first place, but in addition you also feel the need to change. you may feel very intense emotions, but at least you have a stronger will-power, therefore your manifestations may come true quicker for instance. just be careful not to stress yourself by being too bossy or suspicious. especially since today it's the total lunar eclipse with jupiter in pisces, take it easy! take a day off if you can, or at least try doing something relaxing. luck is on your side, just keep your vibrations high.

🧿 manifest what you want, secret skills

your secret skills revolve around finances and just security in general. with a positive attitude, you may attract material luck: money, clothes, houses… everything that you desire. since you’re a logical person, I assume the most efficient way for you to manifest through the LOA is writing! take a notebook and just write down positive affirmations, such as 'I have the car of my dreams’ etc. you may also write them on post-its and glue them around your house, so that you can accelerate the progress. you can also try to idealize your wish before trying to manifest it. for example, if you want a new sweatshirt, try to imagine yourself wearing it. you could also go into a shop and actually try that sweatshirt it on; being in contact with it will boost the law of attraction even more.

and this is the end! thank you again for booking a reading, let me know if you have any questions :) - libramc xx

#astrology

5 notes · View notes

aziraphale-rights · 4 years

Text

If there was ever a good place to pick up bad habits – it was Ancient Rome.

When Aziraphale arrived in Rome, he hadn’t actually eaten anything in about a century. No, that’s a fib; he’d eaten a bowl of goat curry on a high-altitude outpost in the Himalayas, and a side of boar bought somewhere in Gaul after narrowly avoiding a discorporation, and he could remember both of those meals with a depth of detail that was truly remarkable. So, not nothing, but not very much, not since he sent in his report about the Caledonian assignment.

The painstaking project of establishing a chosen family as a prosperous local influence was one that had gone rather well, actually, and he’d submitted his lengthy report with the hopeful expectation that Head Office would be pleased with him for once. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Michael was in his room not three hours after the report got sent up.

‘Three meals a day?’ she’d demanded icily, without preamble, holding the document aloft between a rather disdainful forefinger and thumb.

‘Er,’ Aziraphale had answered, recovering the unlit tallow candle he’d dropped on the ground in surprise when she manifested. ‘Yes. The humans really rather – ’

‘And you didn’t think that was disgusting?’ continued Michael, with dangerous calm.

‘Well… no,’ said Aziraphale, painfully aware that this was the wrong answer. Not that he’d known about it before now. He’d fallen into the pattern by accident, mostly, trying not to be too conspicuously inhuman while settling in to spend a decade with a close-knit tribe. Then it had become apparent just how much the pattern humanised him to his marks. So he’d embraced it. ‘Actually, it helped a great deal with the assignment, so I thought I’d include it in the report as a sort of – as a tip. They really listen to you, when you eat with them. The same way they listen to each other.’

Michael still looked calm. It still felt dangerous. She lifted an eyebrow.

‘You’re saying you want us to recommend that other angels do this kind of thing?’

‘Oh. Recommend is rather strong. I only meant it as a, as a, as an observation. In case anyone else might find it helpful. I just thought… well, as the only angel permanently stationed on Earth, I thought – ’

‘You’re the only angel permanently stationed on Earth,’ Michael took over, ‘so it’s inevitable you’ll be forced to do unpleasant things from time to time. For appearances’ sake. But it’s disturbing that you no longer keep degrading behaviour like this to a minimum, Aziraphale.’

‘Oh,’ he said again, nonplussed. ‘I see.’

To tell the truth, he was rather embarrassed at the discovery that he might have been blithely committing misconduct all this time. He wasn’t quite sure whether this policy against eating was new, or if he just hadn’t known about it before now, but it didn’t seem wise to ask Michael, in case it turned out to be the latter. (Come to think of it, there had been quite a number of times recently when his superiors had dropped in on him while he was eating. He’d found this disconcerting, but hadn’t thought the pattern was intentional. Now he wondered if it was a hint, and he missed it. Oh dear.)

Nor did it seem wise to ask whether the policy had really come from the Very Top. That might seem impertinent.

So he asked no questions.

Michael went on:

‘Luckily for you, I’d rather turn a blind eye than write out a reprimand for something so vulgar, but I must remind you informally: the more you stain yourself down here, the harder it will be to clean off.’ For a moment it seemed like this was all she had to say, but then she closed her eyes and adopted a perfectly revolted expression. ‘And, Aziraphale. Whatever you have to do to get by on this job… for the love of God, don’t make me read about it.’

Then she disappeared from his room without a farewell, as if unable to stand the sight of him for another second.

So, Aziraphale stopped eating.

This decision turned out to be less straightforward than he expected. Later on, he would struggle to remember when, exactly, the attempt to eat less had evolved into an outright ban. He just knew that it had proved worryingly difficult.

He’d simply never had to think so much about food before. It had always been a part of the job, of course. Not the most disagreeable part, either. He worked with humans, and their social practices made it inevitable that an affable, human-looking sort would get offered food fairly often, if he was hanging around them enough. If it was expedient, or pleasurable, to say yes – Aziraphale would say yes.

It was after Michael’s visit that he first encountered hunger, a feeling angels are not supposed to know. He’d always been able to go months without eating, during long journeys and famines and floods, and never experienced any discomfort. Now, for the first time, when someone offered him food, he had to remind himself to say no, even when it would have been expedient or pleasurable to accept it. And this made him notice something altogether new. Every time he said it, an unfamiliar something tugged at a spot in the middle of his chest. Not a painful tug, exactly, but there. Sometimes, difficult to ignore.

He observed this change in himself with concern. The more you stain yourself down here, the harder it will be to clean off. He’d never accepted so much food as he did in that little Caledonian village, never allowed his corporation to settle into a rhythm of predictable eating before. Clearly, doing so had left a lasting impression.

And why hadn’t he given it any thought? How had he not realised the other angels would be disgusted by it? He’d eaten so much he’d had to go to the midden every day, like a human, not just to pass water but the other thing – oh, goodness. And he’d told Michael about it. No wonder she had been upset. Aziraphale might as well have sent her a long description of his defecation habits.

When this thought dawned on him he went cold all over, and then he couldn’t seem to get it out of his head. It would come back to distress him several times a day, always at very inconvenient moments, and so intensely that he would draw alarmed looks from nearby humans as he groaned aloud and banged his fists on his forehead.

Not to mention the torture he went through after dark. He’d wasted plenty of nights worrying about his professional missteps, of course, but for some reason this humiliation crawled right under his skin in a way his previous errors had not. Aziraphale would go over and over and over the whole incident in his mind: what Michael must have thought when she read the report, what she must have said to the other archangels, whether they had laughed about him, what they now knew. Worrying about it was futile and painful and childish, and soon he was doing it every night without fail, robbing himself of his usual hours of privacy and peace. Just one more lasting consequence to his thoughtlessness. Along with this new need, this hunger.

Still, lasting didn’t have to mean permanent. He had trained himself into it, so he must be able to train himself out of it again. It wasn’t that he planned to avoid food forever. Only until the problem was fixed. If he fought it for long enough, surely, the hunger would go away.

Aziraphale waited to find out how long this would take. The answer certainly wasn’t ‘a short time’. In fact, the more time went on, the harder that something seemed to tug. Soon it was happening not just when he had to say no, but also when he heard others saying yes, or when he passed a group of humans eating together, or when he thought for too long about food. After a decade or so, the tug had become so insistent that occasionally, when someone started enjoying a meal in his vicinity, he would have to simply walk away, because the sight of it was more than he could stand.

But he didn’t give up on the idea of re-training himself. If anything, he felt more committed. His increasing discomfort only underlined the importance of getting rid of the hunger, and resisting it was relatively easy, if not very enjoyable, during that first century. Aziraphale faced little in the way of temptation, in most of the places he passed through. Head Office kept sending him to dusty little villages and remote backwaters, where people had so little that they couldn’t afford to offer any part of it to guests, and that meant there was more than one good reason to turn it down if they did. He got thinner, and people started trying to give him food more often. He miracled himself to look fuller, so they wouldn’t.

He felt pleased with himself, really. He didn’t know when the tug would go away, if a hundred years wasn’t enough, but now he knew how to ignore it, and that meant he could wait as long as it took, until it did.

And then Aziraphale walked into Rome.

Rome where they had just discovered dining culture, and takeaways, and celebrity chefs. Rome where all his wealthy marks flaunted the fact that they had far more to eat than they needed, where guests were routinely greeted by slaves with platters, where restaurant doors were flung open and street vendors sizzled their wares on the street and the scent of it was everywhere you went, like Gomorrah all over again.

Heaven hated them, these big cities, where they drank and danced and touched and ate. Aziraphale tried not to go into them, because of how much he liked them and how much Heaven hated them, but in the end he got an assignment that meant there was absolutely no avoiding the place that was currently the epicentre of everything, so he walked into Rome.

Aziraphale went almost a clean century without eating anything, and then he walked into Rome, and he could not think about anything except food.

(To be continued...)

#good omens #eating disorder cw #WIP wednesday wahoo #sorry it's such a long extract but that's how i roll #hnergh it makes me nervous to post this #aziraphale is hungry tag

28 notes · View notes

nevergoinganywherearewe · 4 years

Text

Somewhere Only We Know

He’d known coming back would give him what he needed. He’d also readily admit he’d forgotten the particular taste of salt in the air before the drizzle and breeze would give way to stormy seas and angry clouds full of thunder.

This was were he’d always found solace before, though. Almost 20 years later and a good few inches taller, this apparently hadn’t changed.

There, on a secluded part of the island where tourists never treaded and even islanders had limited access to, there was a small little beach house - a cottage really. Old, but sturdy. Small, but charming. A little wooden porch, eroded in some places, looked out over the stretch of beach and rocks the sea lapped against, its waves growing with the tide and a fast approaching storm.

The havoc to come from above was almost laughable in comparison to the one that had wreaked havoc in Type though, before coming to rest on the very steps he hadn’t moved from for hours at this point.

Type went ‘missing’ a few days after an unexpected...episode not quite 5 years into the last bad memory of childhood trauma that had felt fresh with every nightmare. Years into therapy, the trauma (or rather his explosive response to it) had subsided but it had taken incredible effort, much like the waterline fighting for every inch against the tide - it would never be truly gone as it had become a part of Type he’d come to understand made him who he was and that was something he could live with.

Now, all that was left of this fight were annual check-ins with his therapist and the odd dream chased away by a warm circle of arms as well as the occasional video call with Tar later than appropriate if it were anyone else. Of course, it would probably remain an eternal scar but Type was dealing with it as best as he could.

Granted, the most recent episode hadn’t lasted for long but the impact had been much bigger due to both the intensity as well as the fact that it had been quite a while. This paired with the recent move to their ‘forever home’, as Tharn had affectionately called it, had flared a kind of homesickness in him. Type suspected this longing for home was also instrumental as to why he’d found himself on the steps he’d last seen when he was small enough to need a stool to reach the upper cupboards of the cottage’s small kitchenette. No secret place Khom’s parents had ever hidden sweets in had ever been safe from Type.

So Type had gone back home - the island he grew up on - but not to visit his family home; that would come later. Instead, he’d gone to the only place Type’s parents had never known about. He’d needed to go to a place that connected him to the few things capable of rooting him back to the ground that were not Tharn or, oddly enough, Tar’s small studio atelier in Paris. So, Khom’s family cottage it was.

With the warm wind in his hair and his eyes closed to lose himself to the song of waves that had accompanied him, a trusted companion, through his childhood. Eyes closed, Type centered himself on the white noise of water rushing against the shore and slowly distanced his thoughts from the chaos he’d dragged with him from Bangkok. The tension in his shoulders unraveled, bit by bit. He fully found back to himself when a hand softly settled onto his shoulder, startling him out of his quiet solitude - opening his eyes, Type’s gaze settled on Khom, who carried a mug in hand, cocoa by the smell of it. Type smiled as memories of skinned knees and soaked clothes accompanied by childish laughter flooded his consciousness.

Type must have been pretty out of it not to have heard Khom come in the back entrance and roam around in the drawers. But he was grateful it was his old friend. He was not quite surprised Khom was the one who found him either. After all, Khom had given him the only set of spare keys the day he’d left for uni all those years ago, and for this precise reason - a safe heaven to return to. Back then, Type had never thought he would actually make use of it but had nonetheless appreciated the gesture.

Wordlessly, Khom joined Type on the porch and handed over the mug before looking out onto the sea and quietly waiting for Type to speak, his own silence companionable. Khom was one of the few people who knew, come hell or high water, Type in a mood would sooner leave than talk if pressured. So, wait he would.

“Thanks,” came Type’s voice, a scratchy, rough sound from not having used it in a few days, most likely.

“I figured that, if you’d ever make use of the keys, you’d probably appreciate mom’s trusty recipe.”

Sipping slowly, never quite taking off his eyes from the shoreline, another moment passed before Type spoke again.

“How did you find me?”

“Aow, Type...give me some credit. You may have left the island a while ago but I am still your best friend.”

“.......don’t tell No.”

“Oh, he already knows. Trust me. We had a whole drunken thing about it at your last birthday party. He’s one of your best friends, I was simply the first. He’s not mad about it.”

Type looked apprehensive but Khom’s tone was too calm, a subtle note of mirth in it, to spark any real doubt he was lying to reassure Type.

Khom continued, scratching the side of his nose, “Besides, we’re all grown up by now, Type,” and upon Type’s less than convinced look, he added “sure, some more than others but we’re all way past the friend-pulling stage, don’t you think?”

Type was sure there were some people who would never get past that stage, but luckily none of them were people he knew, so he didn’t bother to speak.

Khom watched Type take another sip. At the rate he was going, Type’s cocoa could only be lukewarm by now. Type’s silence marked an end to this particular line of discussion and a peaceful quiet washed over them.

For a while, that was how they stayed: shoulder to shoulder, watching the rain fall, the droplets disappearing in the sea by the thousands without ever making it rise. It was in a deliberately hushed question that Khom broke their silence.

“What happened?”

“The usual. Just...it’s been a while. Took me by surprise.”

Khom nodded to himself and turned his body a fraction closer to monitor Type’s facial expressions a bit better, subtly.

“...Do you...want to talk about it?”

Type took a while to respond. Khom almost thought he hadn’t heard the question over the waves growing more ferocious by the minute but then...

“Honestly? I don’t know what to say...or where to start.”

Khom huffed out a chuckle.

“Well, you know what they say. Maybe start at the beginning?”

It took Type a while to gather his thoughts and even then the words only came out very hesitantly.

Type had been sent to one of the company’s warehouses fairly later than usual, tasked with picking up some important samples. As his visit came mostly unannounced and the guy on closing duty hadn’t noticed someone entering the warehouse after his troupe was done for the day, the guy turned off the lights leaving Type completely blind, surrounded by nothing but pitch black darkness.

This made the sound of the heavy metal doors slamming shut all the more jarring. It was this unfortunate combination of sounds and environmental impressions that triggered memories of the personal hell of his childhood.

“And suddenly I was back there, Khom. I was eleven again and tied to that chair...or at least it felt like it.”

Khom winced in sympathy but didn’t want to interrupt.

“I couldn’t breathe and when I eventually came to I was just cowering on the ground. I don’t know how long I was in there, honestly...but I eventually started knocking on what I thought was the door. The security guard must have heard me and let me out. I don’t really remember how I got home but next thing I knew I had packed some stuff and was on the ferry.”

The silence between them now was heavy. Khom knew about what had happened to Type, but he still felt at a loss at how he could help.

“Okay...but are you feeling better now?”

“....I’m getting there? I think.”

“Can I help in some way?”

“You are helping already. I’ll be fine, just sitting here is enough.”

Assured by Type’s response, Khom shifted and rested his head carefully and slowly against Type’s shoulder - giving Type an out if prolonged touch still proved too much. Khom’s hair had gotten long enough to tickle Type’s chin, drawing an involuntary smile from him.

“So, your man likes the shaggy look?”

Khom barked out a small laugh and punched Type’s thigh lightly.

“You know it suits me, don’t deny it, you ass.”

Khom couldn’t see it from his position but he would bet his husband’s whole-ass TikTok account but he only does cover dances of girl groups (and he’s damn good at it too) that Type had his trademark smirk on his face - the idiot.

“Does Tharn know I’m here?”

“Take three guesses who called me for help because a certain someone disappeared without warning and ... well, he knows you, Type.”

Khom felt Type nod slowly and could hear the cogs turning in his head, worry creeping into their crevices.

“I told him you were safe and I’d call him once you’re ready to be picked up,” Khom added in an attempt to stop Type’s worries from manifesting any further.

“...thanks, really, Khom. I mean it.”

Well ... that just ruined the mood, Khom thought and laughed.

“Love you too, stud.”

“Oh, shut up.”

#tharntype the series #tharntype #khom #childhood trauma #coping #bros will be bros #in the best kinda way tho #type and khom #besties till the resties #fic

52 notes · View notes

lady-divine-writes · 5 years

Note

For the fic prompt "You might have him now, but you can't keep him" for GO or Coldflash please

I wrote this for Good Omens :) I hope you like it

A Mortal Dilemma

“Oh … oh, Crowley … oh Go—mmm …”

“Ya like that, angel?” Crowley whispers, admiring the markshe’s made on his angel’s pale neck, each one sealed with a feather-light kiss, wickedlyproud that this is the fifth time he’s almost gotten Aziraphale to take theAlmighty’s name in vain. Lying beneath his angel on the lumpy sofa in hisbookshop, arms wrapped around him, hands keeping that column of soft skinlocked to his lips, he has his angel at his complete mercy.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Y-yes …” Aziraphale stutters, pushing up on his palms to catcha breath only for Crowley to draw him back into the temptation of his arms.

“Do you want me to continue?”

Aziraphale’s brows soar to the Heavens. “Do you mean to tellme that stopping is an option?”

“Absolutely.” Crowley’s yellow eyes flicker over his angel’sflushed face. “Stopping is always an option. If that’s what you want, we canput the kettle on, read a book, finish a crossword, get plastered …”

“No,” Aziraphale says. “No, I don’t want that. I don’t thinkI’d ever choose that over this.”

“Why not?”

“Because then I’d have to leave you. Leave your arms, I mean.And now that I have you, I don’t ever want to be far from you.”

“Even if that meant never cracking open another book? Just sowe can do this?”

Aziraphale sniffs. “Don’t be ridiculous. We can do both at the same time.”

Crowley smirks. “Really?”

“Oh, yes. Would you like me to show you?”

Crowley mimics a cartoonish attempt at thinking it over while hoveringclose to Aziraphale’s throat. “Nah. Perhaps another time.” Then he goes back tothe task of marking Aziraphale up.

Airy musical notes tinkle in Aziraphale’s ears but he ignoresit. That normally happens when Crowley miracles in from wherever, but seeing ashe’s here now, it can’t be him. The thought that it might be someone else,manifesting into the room without knocking first doesn’t occur to him.

Because such a thing would be both illegal and rude.

But it’s Crowley who sees, Crowley who takes notice, bumpingAziraphale’s chin gently with his temple to make him look around.

“What in the …?” Aziraphale mutters because stationed not toofar from the sofa they’re sprawled out on is Sandalphon, rocking back and forthon their heels, hands clasped in front of their belly, grinning like thedickens.

“Well, well, well – if it isn’t our little fallen angel andhis demon boyfriend.”

“Sandalphon?”Aziraphale gasps, too stunned by the Archangel’s presence to climb off Crowley’slap and face them properly. “What on Earth are you doing here?”

“I’ve come to deliver a message from Gabriel,” they say, pausingafter for obvious dramatic effect.

“Yes, yes, get on with it!” Aziraphale barks. Crowleysnickers, every fiber of his being vibrating from his angel on top of him,desperate to be rid of their intruder so he can go back to being kissed.

“Principality Aziraphale, you’ve been called back to Heaveneffective immediately. I’ve been sent here to deliver you personally.”

This time, Aziraphale launches off his demon’s lap and up ontohis feet, leaving Crowley draped on the sofa, on his guard but unmoving fromthe spot. “I’m sorry you made the trip all the way for nothing but I’m notgoing.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“I most certainly do.”

“You may have forgotten, but you aren’t subject to free will.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Free will is reserved for mortals. You, Aziraphale, are subjectto our will.”

“Since when?” Aziraphalesquawks.

“Since the beginning of time. You’re an angel. That makes you property of the Almighty.”

“The Almighty, yes, but not you, not Gabriel, not any of theArchangels.”

Sandalphon makes an irritated noise, smacking the roof oftheir mouth with their tongue. “Same difference.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t think that’s how that works. Even I know that,” Crowley says. “But go off,I guess.”

“I wasn’t talking to you, demon,”Sandalphon says with a steely glare for Crowley.

“Too bad. I’m talking to you, baldy.”

“Crowley …” Aziraphale warns quietly, sitting back down and puttinga hand on the demon’s forearm.

“Do you think I’m afraid of you?” Sandalphon asks.

“You’re probably not. But that just makes you stupider thanyou look.”

“Crowley!”

“We’ve played this game your way for far too long,” Sandalphoncontinues, focused on Crowley as if Aziraphale isn’t sitting right there, “butthat’s not the way this is going to work anymore. You’ve had your fun.” Theireyes shift to Aziraphale’s face, and for the first time, the angel can imaginewhat those poor people in Sodom and Gomorrah saw right before they turned tosalt. “Now it’s time for you to come back to our side.”

“I have no intention of coming back to your side!” Aziraphale insists. “Not until things change upstairs.Even then, the subject is a matter of much debate. Either way, you do not havepermission to be in my shop. I’m afraid I must ask you to leave.”

Sandalphon shakes their head in disappointment. “What do youthink you’re doing, Aziraphale? Do you think this is life? A reject angel shacking up with a reject demon and doing what?Wasting your Divine gifts lazing around in an old, musty bookshop?”

“You pay him no mind, angel,” Crowley says, turning his armover to hold Aziraphale’s. “They’re still sore that they lost. He can’t touchyou. He can’t touch either of us.”

“And that’s where you’re wrong …” Sandalphon pauses, theirexpression changing to discomfort as they smack their mouth open and closed. “ForHeaven’s sake! It’s so damned dry inhere. Probably these dusty books.” Sandalphon reaches into the inside pocket oftheir coat and pulls out a silver flask. “One cinder, the tiniest spark even,and this whole place would go up like a matchbox, wouldn’t it?”

Crowley sits up straighter, his grip on Aziraphale’s armtightening. Sandalphon grins.

“Of course you wouldknow that, now wouldn’t you, demon?”

“My angel said leave!”Crowley makes to stand but Aziraphale keeps him grounded with a gentle squeeze.“So get on!”

“I take it that’s a nothen?”

“That’s a no,”Aziraphale says.

Sandalphon shakes their head, appearing far too amused forsomeone who’s presumably lost an important argument, and that makes Aziraphalewary.

“The two of you …” They tut “… you think you’re so slick. Thatyou’ve got everyone fooled. But just you wait. You might have him now, but thatdoesn’t mean you can keep him.”

Sandalphon wipes their mouth with the back of their hand, thensnaps their fingers, disappearing in a swirl of blue shimmer into thin air. Andas relieved as Aziraphale feels by their retreat, something about how easy thatwas doesn’t sit well in his bones. He’s nervous, anxious over something he’smissing.

And he’s right.

It’s odd. Aziraphale had been so focused on the angel goingaway – and they did just that, they went away – that he never considered theremight be collateral damage.

That flask. It seemed so innocuous. Odd since most angelsdon’t consume or imbibe, but harmless nonetheless. Admittedly, Aziraphaledoesn’t know much about Sandalphon, but if he knows anything about Archangels,there’s a reason behind everything they do. Even the slightest, mostinsignificant gesture is important. Wiping their mouth with their hand, thensnapping their fingers - none of that was necessary. It was posturing.

But why?

And that’s when Aziraphale notices it.

Senses it is actuallycloser to the operative term.

A drop of water flying through the air.

It takes less than a second to travel, between the timeSandalphon snapped their fingers and Aziraphale put two and two together.

Before Aziraphale can move, before he can even think, thewater drop lands on Crowley’s skin.

It only takes a drop. Aziraphale knows that.

He doesn’t need to hear the demon wail to know what it is,what’s happening to him.

Holywater.

Sandalphon had been drinking Holy Water. They wiped it offtheir mouth and flicked a drop in the air, aimed in Crowley’s direction.

And now, Crowley is disintegrating before Aziraphale’s eyes.

“No!” Aziraphale screams. “NO!”

“Azira—!”

“No!”

Like the flying Holy Water, it only takes a second forAziraphale to act.

A second of fire.

A second of fury.

A second of love.

A second of pure rage.

A second where Aziraphale makes a hundred decisions andgambles and negotiations so quickly his body starts working before his mind hascome to peace with what he’s going to do. His hands move fast as lightning, pullingpower from the far reaches of the Universe, combining together from above … andfrom below.

If someone were to ask Aziraphale how he did it, he’d never beable to tell them. He couldn’t repeat it if he tried. If they asked him how heknew he could, that would be a harderquestion to answer. He doesn’t know farther than he can perceive, as if someoneelse were casting the magic for him. With his right hand, he brings down allthe power of Heaven he can rally to his command, and with his left, somehow, inexplicably,he calls upon the power of Hell.

Before the drop of Holy Water can burn through Crowleycompletely, Aziraphale lays hands on him, on his chest over his heart, his celestialflesh a swirling pyre of blessing and damnation. A flash of blistering white fillsAziraphale’s shop, flooding every corner, lighting the whole of the inside tofirework intensity, so powerful it leaves shadowy reliefs of every book, every teacup,every trinket burned onto his walls.

It happens in a second.

One single second.

The light bleeds away.

The Holy Water evaporates.

The fire and flood alive in Aziraphale’s hands subside and theangel’s vision returns. He looks around at the damage that’s been done – thebleached walls, the shadows bearing witness, a few of his books turned to dust.

And on the floor at his feet, stunned but otherwise unharmed –Crowley.

But even as Aziraphale breathes a sigh of relief, he knowsthat nothing from this day forward will ever be the same.

“Wha—what did you do?” Crowley looks at his hands, turningthem over and over in front of his eyes, examining them as if they’re strangersto him. He touches his face, fingertips pulling his skin, searching for answerswithin the wrinkles and pores. When he can’t find them, he stares up atAziraphale, wide eyes begging without words to tell him what the Heaven isgoing on. Crowley can’t see the change, but he can feel it, deep within hischest where something new and awesome and excruciating has begun to fill thatvoid … and steadily beat. “Aziraphale!? What did you do!?”

“The only thing I could think of to save you, dear boy.”Aziraphale drops to his knees, cursing himself, cursing Sandalphon and Gabrieland all the Archangels … even cursing God herself. “I made you mortal.”

#good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #anon ask #Frankie writes

378 notes · View notes