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kareofbears · 3 years

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persona 5 strikers thoughts and feelings

This is going to be a long post. Like, the type of post you’d only really have time to read when you’re trying to sleep but you’re not ready to be unconscious yet so you’re just looking for something to do to spend your time with minimal effort.

So in 2018, a masterpiece was born into the world: Into the Spider-verse was released and it was amazing—it’s honestly the best spiderman movie we have without a doubt, and it’ll be very far into the future before Spider-verse is beaten as the best spiderman movie. Them’s the facts. Then in 2019, Spider-man: Far From Home was dropped. It’s a great movie! Great characters, great continuation of who these characters are and works fantastic as a continuation of a story. It’s really hard trying to take the torch of a previous movie (or in Marvel’s case, juggling twenty something movies) and come up with a new movie that both works on its own, as well as being the next step in this series of films. Thus, with that idea in mind, I think it’s kind of unfair to judge into the spiderverse and far from home, because these are two movies with two completely different objectives in mind.

Okay, so this is still a persona 5 strikers post, I promise, but the idea is the same: Persona 5 could basically do whatever it wanted—new story, new characters, new everything, and it’s just plain old awesome. However, Persona 5 strikers did not have that sort of freedom. It was bound to the original game, and it had its own rules and stuff it had to keep intact, characters they had to work with, and on top of that, it had to justify its existence as a sequel (lets pretend money doesnt exist lmfao).

SO, the big question is: did it do that? Did it justify its existence?

And my answer: holy fuck did it ever do that

I came into this game knowing the extreme bare minimum. I knew there was someone named Sophia, and i knew there was roadtrip, and i knew there were Personas. That’s my knowledge of it before i played it on the Switch. I should also clarify like, early on, that i was not expecting anything from this game. At all. I was the world’s biggest cynic of this game—if you scroll down my p5s tag far enough, youll just see me complaining about a game that hasn’t even come out yet. I was fully expecting to have this be a Waifu show, and any male character that isn’t Akira to just be shoved aside like some kind of nerd in a high school hallway, and i have never been more pleased to be wrong. In fact, i actually owe it an apology, because of how fucking rude i was for no reason!!! Because this game deserves everything to be honest.

Persona 5 strikers is, frankly, insane. Insane in the sense that it got to pull shit off that just would never have existed in the original game, because the original game is scared. It had to be as impressive as possible and garner as much attention as possible. Strikers does not have that problem—every single person who bought that game does not need to be convinced that persona 5 is a good game. They already played it. That means Atlus can just fuck around and have a good time, and man did they have a good time. There’s still scenes that still shock me if i think about it too hard, because i’m used to atlus having to follow this sort of rule set when it comes to persona 5 (or any of the main games im assuming, but i havent played them.) And on top of that, there’s still shit that’s Atlus Trademarked Branded in a good way. The style of story of story telling, and revealing the mystery that is so integral to what p5 is, is still there.

So, to make this even a little bit comprehensible, i will make a list!

First of all, What is this game?

In short, this game is an OVA of an anime. It’s bonus side content that has one thing in mind: to showcase these lovable characters more by putting them in fun situations. That’s it, and it is just phenomenal. That was the main point of, i’d say, like forty hours of the game. It’s just fun times with fun characters.

But to get deeper of what i think is happening, or what they were thinking during the development, is that this is a second opportunity. Persona 5 (as we all know) had a lot of problems, and we were not quiet about those problems. We yelled it all out, made posts, made complaints on every social media platform ever. And Atlus heard all of them, and Strikers is a way to mitigate those mistakes. Aside from being a fun OVA, Strikers also works to be a deeper exploration of these characters—more specifically, the characters that did not receive much in the original game. Creating this sequel is having the ability to redo what they felt (or to be more specific, we felt) in the original game while adding new ones. I will get to that in a second.

The format of the game

Absolutely brilliant to throw them on a road trip. P5V already forced us to experience Shibuya for 200+ hours, and im so glad that they didn’t do that again. Going from town to town, making us experience these new places alongside our favorite characters is so good, and it just makes sense. It’s fun, it’s lighthearted, and it’s actually shockingly good. But one thing i do want to talk about early on is the way the story unfolds and the villains that they use, and what they do with it because it’s very interesting.

So as we explore japan and stuff, we encounter jails, and with those jails comes an antagonist. This antagonist works to be a parallel to one of our characters. That character will find it in their hearts to feel bad for the antagonist, because the antagonist could have been them had the original game not happen. At first I thought all of the thieves were gonna get an antagonist, and i was really hyped for the ryuji one. And then came to hour forty of the game where i realized “yeah that’s not gonna happen. There’s just not enough time.” And i was right, and the game ended. But i am not salty at all, honestly, because the people who got a direct antagonist were: Ann, Yusuke, and Haru. (we wont count zen and sophie).

Is there a trend??? Yes. these are all characters in the original game that have received the worst treatment by atlus. The three of them are basically cast aside the minute they finished their original arc, and its horrible! BUT that’s why this is the path that atlus chose for them—to give them more depth, and screentime, and a way to show their inner self. That isn’t to say that the ones who aren’t those three (makoto, futaba, mona, akira, ryuji) didn’t get anything. Futaba still has her thing at the end with ichinose, and she was very prevalent and animated during the rest of the game. Mona and Akira have to be a focal points, that’s just the nature of the game. The other two though, I will talk about in depth in a second.

Makoto

Y’all i poke fun at shumako fans sometimes cause its kind of easy and fun, but i honestly love makoto. In my very first playthrough of p5 (my first ever jrpg game, first persona game, i had no idea what i was doing), i had only maxed out two characters: ryuji and makoto. And i know she had a lot of screentime and love in the original game which is great, but i truly felt like she was dissed in this game. Her only roles were

A driver

Someone to tell them “we don’t have a choice. Let’s keep going and see where this takes us.” (seriously, if you replay this game, you will see how much she does this)

Idk, i just wish she had more to do, especially compared to how much love they gave the other characters.

But let’s talk about some of the new characters!

Zenkichi

Damn you atlus. Damn you and your insistence at bringing in cop characters. I was fully on board with hating zenkichi, i was fucking ready for it. I was convinced that there was nothing they could do convince to like zenkichi. I was immune to their copaganda.

And then i ended up loving him, which makes me sad a little bit. I didn’t realize how desperate i was to have an adult who has a persona. Someone who wants the world to change just as much as they do, while still having that aspect of them that makes them adult. Like??? As someone who is technically an adult, its a breath of fresh air. An adult. Who fights. For justice. Using a persona. And god i love akane so much, and her obsession with the thieves (that scene is probably in my top ten fave scenes of the game). Also what i loved about zenkichi is that he fucking hates the cops!! He hates the system of the cops!! And thats why i actually really started to love him!! Because i thought it was atlus saying that the systematic problem of the police cannot be solved by one person, and zenkichi threw away his badge. I actually cried at that part!!

But then he became a cop again, and i was just :/ but as a character, i really love him to bits and would love to do a study on him, or at least use him as an outside pov. But! i absolutely love his persona, since im a les miserables fan hehe

Sophia

she’s probably my favorite new aspect of the game. I was ready to not like her—again, i just suck like that, lmfao—and when i saw her, i was scared that she was just another waifu. I mean, she was very cute after all. But then as the game went on, i thought she was a little too cute. And even further into the game, i finally slapped myself in the face and realized oh my god shes not a waifu. Shes a sister.

That blew my mind, im ngl to you. A female character that isn’t supposed to be romanced? By jove, what a miracle!

And she…is an amazing character. Im sorry, i just love her so much. I love her so much that she probably ranks as my fifth or sixth favorite character which is surprising even to me. Everything about her is delightful and invigorating. She’s funny??? Her comedic timing is amazing, and she has such chemistry with the rest of the team. She’s actually useful to the plot, and while her character design is a little too on the nose for me in terms of cuteness (i mean, good god she’s wearing oversized sweater to show how cute and tiny she is, and her hair has literal hearts in it), she is absolutely lovable.

But what i actually really wanna gush about for a second is sophia at the last stage of the game. You get the idea, i dont really like to get excited over things, so at this point i figured that there was nothing this game could do to shock me.

And then sophia had a persona awakening.

Like. holy fuck did i yell. I didnt realize what was happening until the music had already kicked in. and its just so fucking smart!!! Sophia??? The ai?? With no heart?? gOT A PERSONA???? AWAKENING??? BECAUSE SHE LEARNED WHAT THE HEART IS AND THE PASSION THAT YOU NEED IN ORDER TO GET A PERSONA??? I started crying honestly, because it was just so smart. And looking back on it now, its obvious!! Of course it would lead to this, it only made sense that the culmination of her character arc leads to her getting a persona, nothing else would have been as good. Also, her voice actor is just amazing?? When she was talking to ichinose at the end, i actually got incredibly emotional because of the line reads. Its just so spot on and it really captures the essence of sophia.

Muah. five stars Atlus. You got me.

Ryuji <3!!!!

Oh man. Oh boy. Okay. so where do i start.

Yall know i love him. Hes probably my favorite fictional male character of all time, and he is the one i was the absolute most cynical about in this game. I was expecting literally nothing. Nothing. Like. nothing. I thought he was just gonna keep being used as a joke, or a gag, and he’s gonna be super horny all the time for the other girls and it was gonna make me mad and there was gonna be some insane homophobic/queerphobic jokes in every other scene and i know i was being unfair, but i cant help it.

And then i played the first two hours of the game, and i cried the entire time. Because ryuji has never been better than he is in this game. Its crazy.

The ryuji in persona 5 strikers is who ryuji should have been/how he should have been treated this entire time. From the actual funny jokes (for example, the gold bar joke + his reaction to it in the beginning of the game), defending his female friends instead of being the one people need to defend from (natsume arc), and the fact that he was the one to be there with morgana and akira in the very beginning of the game. Its such a small thing that they didnt even need to do, but it was such an integral part of the original game for me, that i just was convinced that nothing like this was going to happen. But then it happened. Its just small stuff like that that could have been overlooked but it wasn’t because this game? Persona 5 strikers? Fucking loves ryuji.

The actual respect they gave this boy is insane and i wasn't ready for it. Like, they gave the shujin trio lunch, they gave the little charm of the katana when they were in natsume’s jail, and, in my opinion this is the second-best thing that they could have given ryuji is sophia. Ryuji and sophia are the pinnacle of a brother & sister bonding relationship in the game that isn’t akira & futaba. And its really prevalent too?? Small stuff from the beginning of the game (pulling her out of a jail, calling her shorty), but then you have the iconic “shut the fuck up” scene, and that scene was so well characterized and written and voice acted, that somehow him saying “fuck” was the least exciting part of that scene to me. Ryuji is an older brother to her, like its undoubtable, and its only further cemented at the end of the game where Ryuji helps out ichinose because he knows how much sophia cares about her. This game. Love ryuji. And i love. This game.

You know what else i love? Akiryu.

Guys. i was fully prepared to starve in terms of akiryu. But theres just. So much of it. I wont get too deep into it, because i think this aspect of the game for me still needs marinate a little bit. Like, what was that last shot when EMMA died and Ryuji walked to approach Akira so they could relish in their victory together?? And the smile from both of them??? What the fuck. That was amazing. Also Joker being saved by Ryuji when he was about to fall from the cliff to save sophia??? WHAT. The LEADER AND HIS RIGHT HAND MAN? WHAT. anyway. If theres anything i want to keep for myself in my own brain, its the akiryu aspect of this game, so i wont talk too much about that part of things (instead, itll probably manifest in fic lmfaooo).

Sure, there’s tidbits of stuff i dont like that they gave ryuji: sexualizing ann in that one cut scene and making him touch the jails even though it hurts, and i recognize those and frown at them, but for the most part, i am blown away with how they treated him.

Basically, Ryuji has never been better. From the opening of the game with him being the first text message and the one to sling his arm around akira, to the very last cut scene where it was ryuji wordlessly leaving because he’s so confident that they would never be separated for long, this game adores Ryuji and i am so so happy to say that.

The Royal aspect of things

Yeah, i had to talk about this, but itll be a short thing i just wanted to point out. Because the last part of this game...is persona 5 royal. Which is curious. Like taking reality and giving that power to someone else so you dont have to experience suffering anymore? And even like, the final section just looked a lot like the top half of maruki’s palace?? And whats even crazier is that we had a boss fight with sophia, just like how we had a boss fight with sumire? Royal and Strikers have like, the same thesis statement. It’s kind of uncanny.It’s interesting, it’s like atlus came up with these two ideas, and then just decided they liked both of them so much that they just did it twice. I don’t mind though—actually, in terms of how the last Palace/Jails go, i probably like them both about equally.

Though i did love the final battle in this one more than i did in royal. Splitting into teams?? Thats cool as fuck, and really innovative and i didnt see it coming. It also kicked my ass. A lot.

Now for the last stretch: the small stuff!

The music — bomb as fuck. In my heart, Daredevil is ranked the same as Rivers. Axe to grind is also amazing, but Daredevil owns me

Akechi — i really debated whether or not to talk about him, but i figured a bullet point should be enough. Im really shocked that he wasnt in this at all. Like not even a name drop. If this is an OVA, and the point of the game is to please the fans, and akechi is arguably the fan favorite character, i was really ready for something. But there was nothing, except for the pancake hallway if that even counts as a reference. Thats it. Thats all i wanted to say about him.

The humour — FUCKING HILARIOUS im convinced that in my fifty hour playtime, five of that is dedicated to me laughing and unable to continue the game

Akira — so much personality! His lines of dialogue are crazy sometimes (like. Whats up with him saying Ryuji has ‘nice abs’ when they were in bath? Im crazy and even i dont know what the fuck that could mean)

Battle system — oh my god i almost forgot to talk about this. I love it! I kind of miss the turn based aspect just because i found it very comforting for some reason, but this hack and slash style of gameplay is so invigorating because i do feel like it justifies shit like the baton pass and huge attacks. This battle system fully encompases how the Phantom Thieves are supposed to fight, you know what i mean?

Anyway, thats my thoughts on strikers. Loved it. Amazing. 9.3/10, wouldve been higher but Konoe’s Jail almost bored me to death. Also im a monster and i didnt do any requests that isn’t a fun one, teehee. As if i play persona 5 for the persona aspect of things.

#cant believe im done #but you know what?#i was actually at peace when i finished it #so i consider that a good healty thing #p5s #alex plays p5s #mine #p5 #my moon and stars #the leader and his right hand man

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flamediel · 3 years

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yo dont know yashua you cant say he's racist how woulf you feel if someone judged you based on your religion and called you racist and sexist for it? its his right ot believe what he wants and you are being like a nazi attacking him

ok, look. I was just gonna delete this or respond to this w a meme and laugh it off (and the girlies on my snap KNOW this made me cackle) but we’re talking about a particularly insidious brand of racism and misogyny and I feel the need to elaborate. for those who didn’t see this is the post we are discussing.

Let’s start by discussing the tradwife movement. this post was tagged as tradwife, so you can’t tell me it’s not associated with the movement. the hashtag is at the top of the pic and tagged in the description, so it’s hard to miss. Yashua commented on a post with those hashtags being VERY visible saying he liked that, so he v obviously subscribes to those ideas.

What is the tradwife movement? it means “traditional wife” and it originated in alt-right spaces as a means of getting women to subscribe to right-wing ideals. This NYT Opinion piece by Annie Kelly, a Ph.D. student researching the impact of digital cultures on anti-feminism and the far right, describes this phenomenon in incredible depth. Here is a short explanation of where the movement started, pulled from Ms. Kelly’s article

“Some members of the alt-right have been weighing whether the absence of women from their movement is a problem. In 2016, the Swedish nationalist Marcus Follin, who calls himself The Golden One on YouTube, made a video titled “The Women Question.” In it, he urged his followers to dial down the open misogyny and consider new strategies to win over more women to the white nationalist cause. Mr. Follin was responding to statistics from the Austrian presidential election that year, in which female voters helped swing the election away from the candidate of the far-right Freedom Party. “You might not like that women have the right to vote, you might not like that anyone has the right to vote,” Mr. Follin conceded, “but it’s about winning a long-term political victory.

Enter the tradwives.

Over the past few years, dozens of YouTube and social media accounts have sprung up showcasing soft-spoken young white women who extol the virtues of staying at home, submitting to male leadership and bearing lots of children — being “traditional wives.”

If you read through that tiny snippet of the article, what are some keywords that stand out? for me, it’s “alt-right,” and “white nationalist.” The racism there is unmistakable, and while Yashua may not be white he has previously expressed some incredibly racist viewpoints, like how him kissing a Russian woman ended racism and his saying the n-word despite doing the most to separate himself from the black community when it’s even slightly inconvenient for him. If he’s following and participating in tradwife circles, then he’s also v much a part of white supremacist and anti-black movements (yes, POC can be parts of those movements, no it does not make it ok).

The article also makes it incredibly clear how misogynistic the tradwife movement is:

Female fears of objectification and sexual violence remain as potent as ever; the tradwife subculture exploits them by blaming modernity for such phenomena, and then offers chastity, marriage and motherhood as an escape. As one such YouTube commentator, a teenager, told her audience, traditionalism does “what feminism is supposed to do” in preventing women from being made into “sexual objects” and treated “like a whore.”

It’s a lie, of course. Modesty has never been a safeguard against degradation or rape, and we know that a rapist is no less likely to hurt a woman simply because he’s married to her. But it’s not difficult to see how it could be a seductive lie; the continuous headlines made by the #MeToo movement, paradoxically, were eagerly shared among tradwife networks, as supposed proof that sexual liberation had made life unacceptably dangerous for women.

if you read this and aren’t completely appalled by how this movement preys on women’s fears to push them into pursuing subservient roles in relationships with abusive men, then idk how to better explain it for you. White female victimhood has always been weaponized by right-wing movements to tempt them into joining their ranks, but for a man of color with a predominantly brown, Latin American fanbase to be advocating for this shit? He is exposing mostly young, impressionable women of color to a culture that wants them dead, and that will happily manipulate them in order to achieve their ends. he has a platform, and he’s using it to explicitly harm his fans. This has nothing to do with religion, it has to do with the explicit rhetoric of the movement that he showed support for. he isn’t racist and sexist for being Christian (although, Christianity in and of itself is heavily tied to racism and misogyny and, like most organized religions, its members need to evaluate these stances to make sure they don't perpetuate them) he is racist and sexist for supporting ang giving a platform to the tradwife movement.

Now that we’ve discussed the movement as a whole, let’s talk about the meme itself. Of course, the biggest umbrella is Jesus Christ, alluding to how Christian faith protects followers from the “rain” or any harmful things. that’s fine, that’s just Christianity. the problem is what comes next, the husband's umbrella labeled with “protecting” and “providing for the family.” UNDER that, and thus presumably less importantly, is the wife’s umbrella labeled with “managing the home” and “having children.” The meme very clearly positions the wife’s role as subservient to the husband’s. Look, it’s perfectly okay to want to be a housewife and devote yourself to kids, but this responsibility is not less than that of the breadwinner. Housework is literally a necessity in maintaining livable conditions, and the reality is in traditional family setups it’s considered menial. if a wife wants to stay home and take care of the kids that’s fine, and if you want to marry a woman that’s into that then that’s also fine, but that woman is not lesser than you. Her role is equal to yours, and just as necessary to sustaining your life as yours is to sustaining hers. Putting a woman’s role under yours, no matter your ideal family dynamic, is sexist. That is a very basic misogynistic ideal, and we cannot ignore that.

Now, onto your comment specifically.

“how woulf [sic] you feel if someone judged you based on your religion and called you racist and sexist for it”

I am not judging Yashua based on his religion. He is a Christian, and I don’t judge him based solely on that fact. I judge him based on specific problematic things he’s said to support his Christianity. Calling Buddha an “old fat man” is racist, regardless if you’re a Christian or not. Implying that women are subservient to men is sexist, regardless if you’re a Christian or not. These are not isolated incidents with him, and they point to deeper-rooted beliefs that are frankly concerning. It’s not about the fact he’s Christian, it’s about his specific beliefs.

I’m not going to pretend that there are no problematic sects and beliefs in Islam, but I am comfortable in the fact that I don’t support them, and in fact actively advocate against many of them. I’m literally going into Human Rights to help fight the racism and misogyny ingrained in my country’s religious laws. this is by no means comparable to Yashua, and if you’re implying that I’m racist or sexist on the very basis of my being Muslim you are not only wrong but also islamophobic as fuck.

“its [sic] his right ot [sic] believe what he wants”

Yes, it is. So long as those beliefs don’t actively harm other people, especially marginalized groups like these do. and guess what anon? if he has the right to believe what he wants, so do I. and I believe he’s a racist, misogynistic asshole who is in desperate need of self-reflection. The difference between mine and his beliefs is that mine don’t actually harm anyone and are well-founded. his are actively hurting his fans, and he needs to fix up because he is spreading incredibly fucked up beliefs.

“you are being like a nazi attacking him”

um. yeah, NO. it is not like nazism to call someone out for perpetuating alt-right ideas. if anything, calling out pro-nazi propaganda is uhh. probably one of the least nazi-like thing someone can do. also equating me calling out a problematic meme to a literal genocide is anti-Semitic and tone-deaf as fuck. Don’t pull that shit here.

well then, I think this is a good enough response. I am very passionate about these issues, and if someone else wants to discuss them I am happy to, but just an FYI, I expect you to be coming in with proper manners. the only reason I answered this ask is because it was an important conversation starter, but if anyone brings this energy into my ask box again it’s a straight block. I hope that’s clear, and that this was helpful. Let me know if you want me to adjust the tags on this post, I did my best but I know this can be a triggering topic, so if you need anything specific tagged just shoot me an ask or a dm. Stay safe!

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chick-from-nz · 4 years

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Paper, Scissors, Rank (Ch: 7)

CHARACTER/PAIRING: Modern!Carrillo x Army!OC (eventually)

WARNINGS: maybe some swearing, military slang, more military talk, spelling and grammatical errors. Flippy floppy points of view and tenses. Could be very OOC/AU for some. Carrillo may not be narcos accurate as this is an AU. Some OC x OC

AUTHORS NOTE: ok so idk how good this is, kinda just word vomited onto the page, tryna generate some emotion in there but lets see how it goes, thanks for reading peeps. I know I said I wasn't gonna post but middle of the night inspiration stuck so imma keep writing this

WORD COUNT: 3.2k

CHAPTER: 7 OF ?

TAG LIST(OPEN): @girlpornparadise @1zashreena1 @xxidontwikeitxx @nicke0115 @allalngthewtchtower @lettherebrelight

The drive to the teams new base of operations was by no means short. While still being on defence land they were nearly three hours away from the main base, located in a flat valley in the hills and surrounded by greenery and training equipment. Ash had been here once before during a cadets course many years ago with her father, but it was vastly different now. The house had changed drastically from what used to be multiple cabins to what was now a single stand alone one story place. However while the accommodation had changed the grounds had stayed the same. There was an assault course set up that flowed into the trees to the south of the house and there was a pool to the west of the house, all in all, it was nothing to complain about.

The house itself was relatively modern, having been rebuilt within the last few years or so. The entrance was sealed by heavy wooden doors that required a pin in order to access. Upon entry Ash took in the place, it was actually really nice. It was open plan living, the kitchen was directly to the right as you came in the doors, nice wooden benchtops and crisp new appliances. Directly in front of the breakfast bar sat the living room. Three nice couches surrounded a rather large square coffee table, laden with maps. The fireplace that the couches faced was made of a slate grey stone and sat underneath the rather large tv. To the right of the fireplace was a door that she had been informed led to the only bathroom in the house that held a shower, while to the left of the fireplace was the door to Ash’s room.

Across the small hallway was the Colonels room, which was attached to his office that was on the far end of the house. At the end of the small hallway was an open archway that, from what she could see, led to a gym. Stepping further into the house and left from the kitchen Ash noticed another two sets of doors. One that led to the boys room, containing four single military style pits and separate draws for each of them, while the second door opened up onto the workspace for them all, which had a door in the back right corner that opened up onto Carrillo’s office. All in all, Ash couldn’t find a single fault to the house, okay perhaps one bathroom to share was gonna be a little tough.

She was startled from her thoughts and exploring when Carrillo called out to her while making his way to his office. “There's some food in the fridge and everything is pretty easy to find so make yourself at home, the boys should arrive in around about five weeks. You’ve got the single room closest to the bathroom” Ash nodded in thanks and watched as he disappeared into the teams workroom, no doubt going to his office to work through the enlistment papers for the rest of the team. Ash didn’t waste much time going to her room, she could eat later when hunger eventually struck her, she was miles too tired from the drive here and sore from moving about so much. Her room was nice. A large double bed sat in the middle of the room encompassed by grey side tables, each sporting a small lamp. In front of the bed sat a tall set of drawers and a small bookcase. Very homely indeed, thankfully, cause god only knows how long the team would be confined to the house doing research and/or planning and training for future raids.

Ash barely gave herself any time to get changed, haphazardly pulling on an oversized shirt and a pair of comfortable gym shorts, before she all but launched herself onto her new bed, grunting in pain when her left side made contact with the bed a little too harshly . She moved onto her back sinking deep into the comfort of the mattress. The bed was like heaven for her after sleeping on either a creaky army pit or the ground for the last twenty some weeks. If this is what she had to look forward to everyday her enthusiasm for work was about to increase ten fold. The moment her head touched the pillow she was out like a light. Thankful for her own space and a bed big enough to move around on and toss and turn how she used to.

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As much as Carrillo enjoyed the rank he was and the respect that followed his name, the paperwork at this level was a nightmare. Especially due to the complaints Sinclair had lodged against him due to the incident at the base hospital. Having to describe in detail the events that occurred between that despicable man and the young officer a mere few rooms over made his blood boil, yet again. He was starting to understand the warnings that came with being posted here, apparently work affairs between ranks wasn’t a condemnable act like it was back home in Columbia. An odd world indeed. Still, within his team he would not tolerate any kind of fraternization, hence his decision to cram the boys into one room together and give Greyson her own room, partly for her own privacy but also for his peace of mind.

Pushing the paperwork to the side of his desk, he sighed. That damn soldier might well be the best thing for the team but she sure came with some complications. He’d done extensive research into his team members upon his arrival to the base, most came from non-military backgrounds, a solid high school education or higher, and most but not all had been serving for at least four years and had seen some kind of fire fight. Then there was Greyson. Military background with files upon files that had been redacted and unable to be accessed by anyone in the force, no matter how hard he’d tried. Only the most basic of information could be found about the young soldier; graduated school with honors and received many scholarship proposals but turned them down, participated in many extracurricular activities before and after her education, applied to join the army as both a regular soldier and an enlisted officer as her father had served but yet again, any information surrounding him and his career or rank had been redacted. A Lot of mystery surrounded this soldier, a mystery the Colonel found himself wanting to solve, even if it did go against his own rule.

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When Ash awoke the room was bathed in light from the full moon outside, the sounds of the bush were a welcome homely feeling for her, nature was her comfort. She went to sit but was struck with immense pain. Both her stab wound and head injuries were sending waves of pain throughout her body, making her vision temporarily blurry. The need to puke was high but Ash pushed it down as far as she could. She was hungry, in pain and now cranky, she just hoped her medication would be easy to find in the kitchen. Stumbling like a newborn deer she tried to shake the dizzy feeling from her head, this concussion was a pain in her ass, but the medics did say the symptoms should be gone within the next few weeks, until then Ash would have to put up with feeling sick and dizzy sometimes. Celebrating when she finally made it to the kitchen without falling on her ass, she then struggled to find the lightswitch, now that was one thing she really should have paid attention too when scouting the house when they arrived.

Having located the switch and turning on the lights she winced, they were just that tad bit too bright for a tired concussed brain. It was when she turned to grab a glass of water to quench her thirst that she noticed a glass already laid out on the bench, with what looked like her meds already measured out beside it and a note beneath the glass. Either she was hallucinating or the stoic Colonel had laid this out for her. Gripping the bench as tight as she could as another wave of nausea overtook her sense she moved closer to the glass, there were her meds. Perfectly placed atop a piece of paper that was covered in a rather elegant script. Each pill had the name and the purpose written next to it and at the bottom of the note were the words “Dinner is in the fridge, eat first. That's an order”

Ash scoffed a little at the note, of course he’d write that, seemed the man was more by the book than she thought. She was silently thankful for his detailed note explaining her meds, if she had to pick them from the bottle she wouldn’t have known what to take. Opening the fridge and grabbing out the only covered plate she was surprised to find that the meal looked home cooked, Did this man really cook dinner? . It was safe to say she was shocked by the thought but proceeded to microwave her dinner anyway, leaning against the bench to keep herself upright, lest the Colonel come into the kitchen later in the day and find her sprawled out on the floor.

Ash all but devoured the food when it was ready, not waiting for anything to cool down, she was far too hungry. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, or the last time she ate this good. She never would have guessed that Carrillo was this good at cooking, like sure she’d guess he cooked, but this was some next level stuff. Finishing her meal and cleaning up any mess she’d made was an effort at best, the dizzy feeling was getting worse every time she moved. Quickly she gathered the pills from the bench and downed them in one gulp, chasing them down with water, she hoped at least one of them would help with the horrible dizziness and the nausea that accompanied it. The need to sleep was beginning to overtake her again, something she figured would be common while she was recovering, as much as that might annoy her she’d be thankful for the rest.

Like clockwork she yawned, stretching her arms above her head in an attempt to shake the sleep from her body, only to regret the motion a few seconds later. The stitches in her side had pulled impossibly tight at being stretched, her side felt like it was on fire. She reached down to grab her side in pain and pulled her hand away at the warm feeling. Glancing down she noted the rapidly growing red spot seeping into the gauze pad. Of course she had ripped her stitches, she'd been warned by not only the medics but also Carrillo to not move around too much due to her side. Seems she really hadn’t been listening to the warnings. Deciding that she was entirely too tired to deal with the result of her stretching Ash just walked as calmly as she could back to her room and clambered into bed. There was always tomorrow to fix this. And with that, Ash was quick to fall back to sleep, her medication no doubt aiding her plight.

------

It was the smell of freshly made coffee that had Ash climbing from her bed and shaking off sleep the next morning. Her medication had definitely kicked in, she could feel no pain from anywhere in her body and the nausea had disappeared finally. To her surprise, Carrillo was standing in the kitchen, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and simple white t-shirt that was entirely too tight, not the Ash was complaining cause the view from her vantage point was amazing. If Ash believed in a higher power she woulda thought that the gods had gifted her with the man standing in the kitchen. No man had the right to look so sinfully delicious in a simple white shirt like that. It was so tight that it clung to his sculpted upper body and left very little to the imagination The thin shirt was stretched thin across his chest, pecs struggling to stay contained. The fabric was stretched tight across his broad bulky shoulders, his biceps straining against the confines of the sleeves that were sure to tear if he were to flex just the right way. He reclined against the bench facing her but was wrapped up with whatever was on the tv. Ash was obvious in her gawking so it was only a matter of time before his eyes fell to her. When they did, his eyes widened comically in shock. Ash wasn’t sure why until his eyes travelled down her frame and landed on her side before a look of realisation overcame his face.

He took a few quick paces towards her before turning to his right and disappearing into the bathroom with a look of determination on his face. Ash paid him no mind and made her way to the kitchen counter to pour herself a coffee before taking a long pleasant sip. It was a mere minute later that Carrillo was standing in front of her, a med kit laid out on the bench and an expectant look on his face. She looked at him long and hard before realising he was speaking, she gave him a questioning look, tilting her head to the side, before she heard him huff and repeat what he said.

“Greyson, I asked you to take of your shirt”

It was Ash’s turn to gape at him, the audacity of this man, why would the most by the book man she’d ever met be so unprofessional. “Excuse me?” the disbelief in her words made him roll his eyes, if she wasn’t so confused right now she probably would’ve gone off at him for that.

“I don’t know what activities you got up too last night, but you’ve obviously torn through your stitches, despite the warning from both the medics and myself” He said with a small amount of annoyance while pointing at her side. Now that Ash looked down she realised he was right. Blood had well and truly soaked through her bandage and through the shirt she wore to bed, She was unsure how she didn’t notice this sooner because now that she was seeing it with her own two eyes, it was pretty obvious.

Begrudgingly she pulled the shirt over her head, unsure as to why she had to take it off completely before coming to the conclusion that the shirt probably should be washed. She had a second to drop her shirt before Carrillo was standing a mere few inches in front of her, slowly peeling the bandage from her skin before inspecting her wound, Since when was he a medic?, that thought had her laughing silently, or so she thought. Being this close meant that he heard her laugh so she was met with a raised eyebrow and a bored expression on his face, that surely ended her laughter. She was silent while he worked, wincing occasionally when he prodded a little too hard to see her reaction.

“You’ll be fine if you rest for the next few days, you tore the bottom few stitches. Don’t do anything stupid and the wound will be healed on time” His tone was definitive and the order was clear.

Ash groaned and rolled her eyes, a brave thing to do this close to the man. He handed her a bandage then turned around to pack away the supplies from the kit. She quickly fixed the bandage and took off toward her room, coffee abandoned on the bench, she was well and truly awake now. New shirt now acquired and covering herself she returned to the main room, Carrillo now vacant from the space and probably in his office working. She snatched up the tv remote and flicked through the channels, settling on an old war movie before curling onto her side to relax.

She woke hours later, the movie long since ended and the daylight now darkness. A blanket had been draped over her in her sleep and her dinner was sitting on the coffee table with a glass of water and her medication beside it. She would forever be grateful for the subtle ways the Colonel looked after her, even if he would never admit to it. She at least knew he cared enough for his team that he’d go out of his way to make her feel comfortable and like she belonged, even if she was new to the force.

-------

Aside from the incident in the kitchen the rest of the week went pretty smooth. They’d developed some semblance of a rhythm. Both woke early, whoever made it to the kitchen first put the pot of coffee on and poured a cup for the both of them, conveniently they preferred their coffee the same way. Black with no milk or sugar. Then they usually sat at the kitchen counter to eat breakfast, cereal for Ash and whatever Carrillo cooked himself for breakfast, Ash really wasn’t one for a big meal in the mornings. After breakfast the Colonel usually disappeared into his office to work and the younger officer would clean up their dishes and then hog the shower for as long as possible, soaking in the opportunity to have a warm shower all to herself without limits. Ash would spend most of the day watching tv or reading one of the many military inspired books that occupied the wall mounted shelves on either side of the tv.

Carrillo would emerge from his office around sixteen hundred hours each day, and proceed to cook dinner for the both of them. Ash had tried once but burnt the steak and been deemed too inexperienced and untrustworthy in the kitchen, something she was silently glad for cause the Colonel was a better cook than she ever could’ve hoped. Again Ash did the clean up, a fair trade off for not cooking, while Carrillo once again disappeared, this time to the gym or for a run around the perimeter of the property along the treeline, a sight Ash loved to enjoy. Only twice he had stayed to converse or silently watch the news beside her. Then like clockwork they would bid each other goodnight and retire to their rooms.

Everything was going perfect, the routine now something established and easy to work through, even if Ash did complain about being on couch/bed rest until either the medics cleared her or the Colonel deemed her fit enough to begin easing her way into training. It wasn’t until the Wednesday of their second week together that something changed between them, something Ash looked back on with a smile on her face and made Carrillo have conflicted feelings and wish he had just stuck to their schedule they had so easily adapted to around each other.

#horacio carrillo #horacio carrillo x reader #horacio Carrillo x oc #paper scissors rank #modern au #chapter 7

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bunnis-babes · 4 years

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Can you give us karasuno mafia au Hc's pleaaaase

Karasuno as a Mafia

Okay, this was just kind of sitting here for a while, mainly because I didn’t see it until now? Idk man, but I know I can write this shit and I should’ve had it out like fifty years ago bc I know exactly what this AU is like to me. So I hope its enjoyable!

Brief Karasuno History: Karasuno, once one of the most powerful households in the prefecture, fell after the passing of the then Godfather. Eventually causing strong members to leave and join more… profitable organizations. It went through several different heads, before the position was just dropped on Ittetsu Takeda. It was on the brink of totally collapsing when Sawamura — alongside his close comrades Sugawara and Asahi — joined. He quickly became one of the best men Karasuno had seen in years, and he was determined to make Karasuno the Powerhouse it once was, again. To do that they had to find members, but they couldn’t just ask high ranking men to join, they’d be laughed at or smothered out. So with some sweet convincing from Suga, Takeda okayed taking in scrappy kids off the streets was the best idea - they had nothing to loose, especially not when they were offered a place to stay and food just for some work they’d already been doing. Thus began the rise of the Powerhouse. Karasuno.

Specialties: Karasuno is more of a Jack of all trades, but they do specialize in paid services, such as: Selling/Making of drugs, Buying/Selling of guns, Assassinations, and Bodygaurding.

Takeda: The current Godfather of Karasuno. He has no clue what he’s doing, this whole operation just handed to him out of nowhere because the former leader had given up on this rough group of kids. He was always just a lowly underling who hardly even did any dirty work - and yet this position was placed upon his shoulders, and damnit if he wasn’t gonna do his best. So luck must’ve smiled upon him, when three scrappy boys stumbled into his house holding the same fire and passion to save this place that he did. He even gets one of the former Godfather’s grandson to help him out - as he can’t help these kids in anyway when he hardly knows what’s happening.

Ukai: He didn’t want this. He was trying to avoid this lifestyle, but something about Takeda’s persistence really made him crack. So, this poor man, agrees to join on as Takeda’s right hand - though he winds up doing way more work than him anyway. He has far more experience, coming from a family filled with high ranking members, so he learned from the best. While Takeda handles more of the mild planning and business, he’s hands on with the boys and teaching them everything they know, as well as setting some things up behind the scenes.

Daichi: He’s pretty much the big guy that everyone answers to before going to Ukai or Takeda. Before Karasuno he specialized in the making and selling of drugs alongside Suga, as well as the occasional underground fight for just a bit more money. It was initially to help his family get by, as his mother couldn��t support three children on her own. He came to Karasuno when business was low, and he knew he would need a few extra hands, but had been denied by ever other group. When he joins he become the go to guy to do whatever dirty job he’s needed - and he isn’t afraid to get dirty. Also, he becomes the honorary dad of the house (even in the mafia he is still Dadchi).

Sugawara: He’s more or less of the hitman/nurse of the group. He knows how to make all kinds of medicine - legal and illegal - as well as how to patch up all different kinds of injuries. (He had to with the fights Daichi was going through.) He’s incredibly skilled with a gun, he just hasn’t really used one all that much so he’s sloppy at time. Damn if he isn’t brutal. By far Sugawara is the most brutal killer at Karasuno, especially if his target has wronged him or his house in anyway. He sees everyone at Karasuno as family, and you don’t just mess with Suga’s family and live.

Asahi: He is the muscle. Those fists alone do some serious damage - he does a lot of the disposing and intimidating. He’s an amazing fighter too, knows how to move just right from all those years fighting illegally on the streets just to survive and get by. He fought Daichi a few times when he still participated in underground fight clubs, and kind of became friends with him - as well as Noya who thought so highly of him(we’ll get into that soon). Now if only he didn’t freeze up in super high stakes mission. It still rings true that he’s a gentle giant, and he doesn’t like hurting people unless he absolutely has to, so he gets nervous easily. He earned himself a reputation that’s to be feared, and also to be challenged.

Nishinoya & Tanaka: These two little shits are a tag team that grew up side by side. Both their families were poor so they lived in the slums, and the two boys grew up around violence and had to learn to fight from a young age to stay alive. While Tanaka only learned to fight solely to survive, Noya learned not just to survive but because his father was part of a rather large house and valued having his son know how to fight. They trained themselves to fight side by side, and became a scary double threat. Noya and him fought in the same ring Daichi and Asahi did, and Noya made rather good friends with Asahi, even learning some moves from just watching him - he was pissed when he left the fight club. Thats how Daichi knew about the two, and he approached them - of course they joined and became a kind of wild card in house - a rather dangerous tag team that can pretty easily get out of any situation they’re stuck in. Plus, Tanaka is really fucking good at intimidation.

Tsukkishima: He’s a jack of all trades who was raised by a small gang with Yamaguchi. He left the gang when he found himself bored with it, Yamaguchi following him with his tail between his legs. Joined Karasuno on a whim after witnessing one of their fights and deciding ‘why the hell not?’ He is, like previously stated, a Jake of all trades. He’s smart, fast, strong, and sneaky. His performance, however depends on how many shits he’s giving that day… Which is typically zero. Not to say when he doesn’t care he’s bad, he just doesn’t do his best because he doesn’t see the point in trying all that hard. Also, he despises Kageyama and Hinata - not only are they annoying, but they’re stupidly talented on accident (well in one case) and that pisses him off.

Yamaguchi: This poor boy is so nervous like all the time. He follows Tsukkishima around like a kicked puppy because he’s the only person this poor boy can truly trust. (Some really bad shit went down in his life, he needs a hug). Yam’s, though nervous, has pretty amazing aim with a gun he’s just so shaky that he can be off. He would be a fantastic sniper for the group, and Ukai pushes his training hard because he knows he can do it, he just has to be a little bit more confident. That’s easier said than done with Yamaguchi.

Kageyama: He used to work under the Seijoh house, but was cast out for being too difficult to work with (plus the new leader hated him *cough*Oikawa*cough*). He wasn’t exactly too keen on working with any other houses, but he ran into Daichi who made Karasuno seem so enticing that couldn’t resist it. Only when he got there, he found one of the kids he fought and beat while working under Seijoh was there. The little squirt whom he hated so much after he dared to challenge him with a face beaten to a bloody bruised mess. He was supposed to work alongside this guy. Bullshit. Once they get over their initial dumbassery and fighting, they’re probably the scariest tag team in Karasuno. Fast and unpredictable, building off each others intense energy to beat the ever living fuck out of whoever they’re against. Kageyama alone is scary too, he’s calculating and strong and fast - he knows his enemy better than they do sometimes. He’s also scarily calm even after he’s killed an army of grunts.

Hinata: He’s new to the whole thing, well kind of. He grew up watching all this go down from outside his window, trying his best to keep his mom and sister safe from all this horrifying carnage as best her can with his small untrained body. His first real experience with the whole mafia world was when he and a few of his friends were in the wrong place at the wrong time, and had a run in with Seijoh. He and his friends were nearly beaten to death, but were kindly spared as a warning. Still he found the strength to stand and promise to their leader that he would beat his ass right back when he finally faced off with him again. So imagine his surprise when at his first official house, he realized he would have to work with the guy who he both challenged and was nearly killed by. He’s a rookie for sure, everything he does is clumsy and sloppy and needs work, but he’s fast. He works on instinct that gets him in and out of trouble. He’s a real risk factor, but he’s also one of their strongest contenders.

Kiyoko & Yachi: They were both children of businessmen who tended to deal with less than favorable people. Kiyoko joined first after gaining permission to do so from her parents, and became the first person to work for intel at Karasuno. Yachi joined shortly after Hinata and Kageyama, only doing so after Kiyoko expressed her affections for the household and how she could really use the extra help. Their job is purely to gather information on other houses, clients, and potential job opportunities. They help everything flow smoothly between the heads of the house and the boys who do all the work.

A/N: This is less of a head cannon thing and more of my messy ramblings on something that I got too passionate about. I really hope that this was like… okay? It’s really really messy, but this is kinda what I imagined this would be like. I hope that like… you liked this, and that all their things made sense. Idk man I’m tired. (Also, hope you don’t mind I excluded the other boys ;-; I was getting sleepy)

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wickymicky · 4 years

Text

2020 Comeback Ranking: End of February Edition

this is an update to my ranking of 2020 comebacks, i’m keeping a running list lol. i updated it a couple times this month, but as comeback schedules return to a normal pace (possibly) i’ll probably just update this once or twice a month. maybe on the 15th and the 30th of every month or something. unless i just stop doing it after this update altogether lol, who knows. this is not a ranking of every comeback so far in 2020, just the ones i’ve heard and decided that i like. if it’s on the list at all, even if it’s near the bottom, that means i like the song a lot.

this is just a list of title tracks, since i dont listen to every group’s bsides, and idk things like music video and concept are factors for me a lot of the time. i’m not sure how many songs i want to limit the list to once there get to be too many to list... and honestly i’ll probably leave some off of this one if it gets too long. take everything with a grain of salt... my opinions aren’t set in stone. if you go to my “2020 comebacks” tag, you’ll see previous lists and laugh at how different they all are. my next one will probably have a bunch of these songs in different orders again, as well as having new songs added in of course, just because my opinions change. okay here goes

Dreamcatcher - Scream: still at number 1 lol. i dont have all that much to say about it that hasnt already been said. you all already know

Weki Meki - Dazzle Dazzle: it might fall in subsequent updates, but as of right now it’s the one i’ve been listening to the second most, and i really like it. i’m not sure it’s really second-best-of-the-year material, though. but that’s where it’s at for the time being. it sounds like a weki meki song, which i’m soooo happy about, lol

GFriend - Crossroads: wow Crossroads really grew on me, lol. this song got better every time i heard it and now like.. idk, i really really like it. i’ve been enjoying watching stages for it too, i think it, Dr Bebe, and Fiesta have the best choreos of the currently-promoting songs. well, i think Crossroads is done promoting, but that’s pretty recent lol. sometimes i get emotional when i listen to this song real loud and let it take me away haha.... sigh....

Pentagon - Dr Bebe: it fell a little bit, partially cause two songs passed it, but also just i havent been listening to it that much lately. i like it, and sometimes when i listen to it, it really hits me... but it’s not the kind of song that i’m always in the mood for. you know? it’s not an any-day-any-time type of song lol. i think the velvet-ness of it is cool but i’m starting to get a bit tired of it unfortunately :( i’ll see how things shake out. for now it’s still number 4.

Cignature - Nun Nu Nan Na: i like this song a lot, it’s good, it feels like a breath of fresh air.

Izone - Fiesta: this one has also really grown on me. Fiesta slaps lol. i love the choreo, i love the surreal visuals in the video, i think the song is a bop too. hell yeah. if this had indeed come out last year then i’m not sure where it would have landed, but i think i like it more than Violeta. if it’s holding it’s own against the comebacks so far this year then maybe it would have done pretty well last year too haha

Loona - So What: idk this feels about right. i think a lot of orbits are a little tired of the song at this point. even those of us who liked it... you know... the novelty’s worn off, the line distribution and screen time is still irritating, the choreo’s not quite as fun to watch as we had hoped, and they’re just about wrapping up the promotions. still, i think this is a song we’ll revisit through the year, and once it sounds fresh to me again it might rise on the list, so i kinda expect it to hover around the 6-8 spot on my list even as more good comebacks keep coming out. it’s certainly an interesting song lol.

Cherry Bullet - Hands Up: fairly simple lol this is just a weird bop

Ateez - Answer: i really dont know where to put Answer haha. just like Dr Bebe, this isnt the kind of song i wanna listen to 24/7. it has to be the right mood. so sometimes i feel like “ugh i dont feel like listening to Answer at all, i need something with more energy... im so tired of this song...” but then sometimes it really hits the spot and i go “you know what? this is still one of the better tracks of the year. this is powerful stuff” haha. again, it just has to be the right mood. so idk, i’ll put it here.

Everglow - Dun Dun: speaking of songs i’m tired of.....

Red Velvet - Psycho (i’m counting this as 2020): shrug. i like Psycho, but yeah, same thing as Dr Bebe and Answer. i like songs i can listen to on repeat at any time in the day, i like songs that pump me up and make me feel energetic. still, credit where credit is due i mean, this song’s real good lol. i know that’s not saying anything you didnt already know haha, but still

Elris - Jackpot: aaa! i love really straightforwardly weird girl group songs! that’s why Cignature is so high, and that’s why this song is on my list! i dont think it’s amazing, but i like it! it’s quirky and i like that! is it gonna even be on this list on my next update? honestly who knows, lol. maybe not. for right now though i think it’s cute

Moonbyul - Eclipse: this was super high on my last list lmao. it’s alright. my non-kpop-stan bf likes this one a lot and so i was listening to it a lot cause of them, but i think it’s not really where my head’s at right now.

Rocket Punch - Bouncy: at first i thought this song was annoying and then i thought it was kinda cool cause it’s indicative of the trend towards teen crush concepts becoming the majority and then now i think it’s a bit annoying again. the embarrassing lyrics are hard to overlook lol. it’s not bad though.

Siyeon - Paradise: same as the other more emotional songs that i listed lol (other than Crossroads, which is emotional but also has a kind of fast drive to it that i like). it’s cool but i don’t listen to it that often cause i’m not always in this mood. i love siyeon though, i really do

3YE - Queen: lmao this almost definitely won’t be on the list next time. i think it’s cool but it’s nothing to write home about. i’ve been listening to it enough that i felt like i had to include it though. there are some really sick-sounding ideas in this song, but... it’s not like it’s oozing with personality, lol. it sounds like what you expect a girl crush song to sound like in 2020. cause it is one. lol. money flex all day.

#2020 comebacks #long post

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doomedzagreus · 5 years

Text

rules:

always repost the rules

answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

give 11 questions

tag 11 people

i was tagged by @davenziv ty!!❤️

1. favourite crack ship

it has to be abdi and carlos. carlos has canonically seen his ass. i rest my case

2. least favourite character from each remake excluding williams and his brothers (or equivalent)

druck: oh god idk for a laugh id say stefan but....i don't dislike anyone,,,, hmmm it doesn't have to mean dislike.....so id have to say other sam (where did he go?) yes this is 100% a cop out

españa: hugo,,,, sorry man you're great but i love everyone else a bit more

nl: he's pretty but it has to be kes, sorry

baguette: daphné and basile i can't pick just one wow i don't like this remake as a whole but those two whew

ita: wana.

haven't seen the other two remakes!!!

3. rank the remakes in order of best to worst boy squad

druck

españa

nl (tbf theirs is p bad but i can't bare to rate ita any higher)

ita

4. rank the remakes in order of best to worst girl squad

españa

druck

ita

fr (can u tell i just hate this remake)

like i said i haven't seen the other two but i feel like they definitely rank higher than ita + fr

5. your favourite headcanon that is not at all supported by canon

BALLET. DANCER. MATTEO. like michi can do ballet and just imagine david walking into the wg to see matteo dancing and he's fucking flawed cause he didn't know his clumsy gremlin had this in him, he's so beautiful too whew

6. one thing og did better than the remakes

well shit i ....this is super difficult since as u all know im up drucks arse, but i think the relationship between isak and jonas was amazing, and only druck has come to rest on that level to me. i also think their general feel, it feels so "everyday"? like you're actually watching day to day life, and not something overly dramatised for the sake of it ??? like obviously it's dramatic it's a show, but it's not *three car crashes and someone drowns* u know?

7. one thing each remake did better than the og

druck: boy squad. trans moc (even holds a special place in my heart but.....david u know). integration of the squads. teens feeling like they're real teens, being dumb. arguably bearable william (only due to the new content which lbr it's just chris) IK THIS ISNT ONE THING BUT IM DRUCKS BITCH OK

nl: G I R L. S Q U A D. diversity!!!!!!!! arguably better william even tho that went right to shit in the second half of s2.

españa: the pacing and the girl squad. like the conflict in s2 only ever lasted a few clips max, as cris and joana would fix it just after it started. i loved that so much.

ita: well shit uh. uhhhhhhhhhhhh.

fr: nope

8. a popular opinion that (almost) everyone shares but you don't

(nobody i follow thinks this but let me open up anon hate for myself a sec) that fr is a good remake in general. like even without the big obvious issues they have, the remake in general just isn't well done. don't come for my throat, i used to love it when it was the only one airing S3, but then i took a look at it and realised i was settling, cause it just ISN'T good, without the fucking blatant sexualisation of teenagers played by 30 year old men, and the sheer levels of fucking racism. it's overly dramatic, it's badly written, everything is stated too obviously and nobody actually feels like a real teenager which has a lot to do with casting people in their mid to late 20s

9. your headcanon for lucas vdh's love interest

definitely not white, not model-hot, maybe with a disability. idk, probably cause i was hard of hearing as a child, but id like to see a hard of hearing even

10. your headcanon for shays love interest

well i haven't seen austin, but once again her love interest will hopefully be a woman of colour, maybe plus size, since the skams lack a lot of body diversity (idk the right wording but im plus size myself so)

11. character you look up to the most

it was between david and matteo, and it says only one so to try to stick to the question, im gonna say david. he was so afraid, and he didn't wanna get close to anyone for fear he would lose everything again, but he let matteo in and he came out and he once again went through hell and he fell in love and found a support system and now he has an amazing set of friends and a wonderful, supportive, caring boyfriend. yeah im emotional about david. for the first time in my life i don't actually hate myself, so yeah, i look up to david for inspiring that. and now im crying lmao

RIGHT you will most likely all have been tagged already, but either way you DON'T have to do this (im tagging some people i usually wouldn't hence me saying this) @akefalosthea @8102-druck @killyourdarlingsx @darkdodielove @distastefullyqueer @driftovertheedge @schreibnersfriday @softamira @davidfors5 @waterbottle79 (ik u can't but idk 11 people asjfjjdkskl) @manthastop (ik u have only seen nl but see the comment before this)

1. which remake would you most like to be a part of?

2. if you could be best friends with someone from each remake, who would it be?

3. what changes would you make to each remake?

4. what was your favourite scene from each remake?

5. if you could make your own season, who would it be about and what would happen?

6. is there a country you think would make a brilliant remake? if so, which and why?

7. what is your favourite quote from each remake

8. what is your favourite headcanon?

9. what is your opinion of the nl boy squad?

10. rank most bearable to most despicable william

11. what thing from og do you wish a remake would change, and if one already has, what was it and do you prefer the change?

(these questions are shite and by each remake i mean the ones you've seen lmao. also ik some of the people i tagged i don't actually talk to i hope u don't mind asfjgjdk)

#long post #ask game #alex shut up #mutuals #vale #mine

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rcfcel · 5 years

Text

* / 𝔰𝔲𝔯𝔭𝔯𝔦𝔰𝔢 𝔟*𝔱𝔠𝔥𝔢𝔰 ! bet you thought you'd seen the last of me ! lol apparently i like to challenge myself and just haD to bring in my new man so yeah hi , meet raf / rj ! i'm v excited for y'all to meet him — fair warning , i'm starting from scratch with him cause i got #inspired so i apologize if the info below is a mess ! pls love us .

( tommy martinez, cis male, he/him ) i just saw RAFAEL MICHELENA walking down the streets of provincetown the other day playing CHATEAU by BLACKBEAR out loud. rumor has it that the TWENTY THREE year old is GENEROUS, but can also be AGGRESSIVE — overall they’re a MAVERICK. they remind me of LEATHER SEATS IN BLACK CADILLACS, CIGARETTES SMASHED TO ASHES IN ASHTRAYS, & MALT WHISKEY POURED OVER ICE. ( lenny the pooh, 5, antarctica, she/her )

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔞𝔰𝔦𝔠𝔰 :

full name : rafael johan michelena

nicknames : raf , rj

age / dob : twenty3 / february 14 , 1996

gender : cis male ( he / him )

sexuality : openly bisexual

occupation : firefighter

hometown : provincetown , ma

label : the maverick ( an unorthodox or independent-minded person )

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔰𝔱𝔬𝔯𝔶 :

so dear rafael here was raised by a single father after his mother passed away shortly after he was born due to complications during labour . raf’s father never really wanted kids as he’d been wanting to focus on his paramedic career and was worried he wouldn’t be home enough to be with his family , but his beloved wife had assured him everything would work out in the end — which , of course , it didn’t really because he was left alone with a baby boy he didn’t know how to take care of .

his dad struggled for most of raf’s childhood , having to juggle both his demanding career and an even more demanding child , but with the help of close family and a very generous family who lived next door and took care of raf whenever his father worked night shifts , it all did work out in the end , just as his late mother had promised .

despite his father being away so much , raf developed a very strong relationship with his father . when he was young , his father was away a lot because he was just starting in paramedics so he got stuck with the less desirable shifts — but as rj grew older , his father moved up the ranks of his career and finally made it into a position that didn’t keep him away from home as late , allowing the two to spend some actual time together .

from a young age , raf knew he wanted to save lives like his father . fun fact : one night when he was young and staying over at the neighbour’s house , he drew a little picture of his father in uniform and then drew himself wearing a little uniform too — the neighbour showed this to his father when he picked him up and the grown man damn near cried .

raf has always been super proud of his dad for chasing his dreams and taking on each obstacle that came his way .

at first , he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a paramedic — which he did , for a short while . after his school graduation , he went to school to get his emt ( emergency medical technician ) certificate and then worked to become a paramedic , by the time he was twenty one he was working the same job in provincetown his dad had been when he was young .

after about a year and a half , raf realized he wanted more . as a paramedic he worked closely with the provincetown firefighters and had always found their bravery inspiring . he got along with the crew well and one night over drinks he confided in them about possibly following along their career path instead . of course they all jumped to say do it , while also giving raf good advice and facts about the job , but nothing they said scared raf away from it — if anything , he was even more excited .

so fast forward a few months , and a very gruelling entrance exam and training period , and he switched out his paramedic uniform for a firefighter uniform and joined his buddies in the station .

it’s been about a year now since he first put on that uniform and rj truly hasn’t looked back since . the hours are rough and the job is laborious , but it’s also super rewarding and he wouldn’t change it for the world .

currently , he lives in a cozy ass apartment in provincetown on his own , although he spends many nights at the station when he’s on duty so i have this headcanon that his apartment is like .. hotel raf lmAO like need a place to crash and get away from shit ? there’s a spare key under the mat .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔦𝔡𝔢 :

labels(s) : the maverick , the hedonist , the contingent

maverick : due to his father’s extraneous job , raf grew extremely independent at a young age . when he was finally old enough to stay home and take care of himself , he honestly thrived .

hedonist : working in such emotionally challenging jobs has taught raf to really live life to its fullest and treasure every moment . he never takes anything for granted and is almost always looking for a fun time during his days off .

contingent : while his independence is clear in how he can take care of himself and make his own decisions , raf is incredibly dependent on those around him for support and companionship . he struggles with being alone and is in constant need of company and friendship .

traits : generous , charming , aggressive , protective , passionate , diligent , indulgent , short - tempered .

aesthetics : leather seats in black cadillacs , thick ringlets curling around chiseled features , black jeans with a lighter in the back pocket , cigarettes smashed to ashes in ashtrays , malt whiskey poured over ice , callused hands stuffed in the pockets of a leather jacket .

soundtrack : honestly , i’ve been listening to blackbear during raf’s entire conception so you can literally just listen to his entire discography to get a feel for his vibe .

personality : while he inherited his father’s passion , drive , and general kind demeanour , raf definitely made a name for himself with his slightly mysterious aura at first glance — maybe it’s the mostly black wardrobe , the cigarette that usually dangles from his lips , or the way his brow creases whenever he listens to someone speak like they’re the only person in the universe , he’s a little intimidating at first — but honestly , anyone who really knows him would laugh at people who comment on his mystery : “ yeah , i thought he was gonna be a total asshole at first , could not have been more wrong though ” has definitely been said numerous times about him .

raf’s actually probably the biggest teddy bear in ptown . his heart is somehow bigger than his hair and he welcomes everyone into his life with open arms ( after a short trial run to make sure they’re not gonna fuck with him of course )

he truly loves his friends more than anything . i’m not kidding when i say his apartment is hotel raf cause legit if u need a place to crash , even if it’s 4 in the morning , you can knock on his door and he’ll likely even give up his bed for you .

wears his heart on his sleeve , probably a little too much for his own good , but thrives off of honesty and trust so he’s definitely your go to guy if you’ve got shit going on .

also your go to guy if you need someone’s ass kicked . he’s a firefighter for crying out loud , he drinks preworkout like it’s water and could probably bench the entire snack pack lbr .

he’s a big old hopeless romantic too — he was born on valentine’s day after all .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔠𝔬𝔫𝔫𝔢𝔠𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 :

once again , let me scream into the void that i am open to pretty much anything . lay it all on me , give me your worst and just rIP my heart out why don’t you . but ! below is a list of ideas i brainstormed up for raf

i really want someone from the family that helped take care of him when he was little !

neighbours , childhood best friends , childhood crush / first kiss

gym buddies PLS give raf a buddy he can call up to go play basketball or challenge to a weight lifting comp LOL

past / present hook ups ! raf’s an emotional guy but his job is stressful as fuck and he def needs soME sort of way to unwind .

exes ! mayhaps they dated in high school and broke up cause theY went off to college while raf stayed back in ptown .

brOS OHMYGODPLS give me joey and chandler , jake and charles , troy and chAD

a brother / sister friendship pls ! someone he can be way too protective of .

platonic soulmates ! my fav !!

an angsty flirtationship / skinny love type deal .

—— * / 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔬𝔫𝔰 :

his apartment is suPER masculine . like exposed brick walls , brown leather couches , stainless steel appliances , dark oak tables and shelves , probably big windows all over the place cause he loves natural sunlight . and the whole snack pack 100% knows where the spare key is in case of emergencies ( insert that one scene of friends where monica’s like “ i gave you that key for emergencies ” and phoebe’s like “ we were out of doritos ” )

he’s got a lil grey pit bull named lily that he saved a few months ago ! she’s his pride and joy .

like .. rarely uses his phone . he’s got all the social medias , but only really checks it when someone tags him in something or whatever . prefers to call over text cause texting annoys him , he’s an impatient fuck .

definitely is the pack’s lil doctor . he’ll always unwind and have a fun time , but will 100% be on alert at all times for accidents or anything bad that could happen . and if it does happen , he’s first on the scene — i mean , why wouldn’t you want a licensed paramedic that looks like tommy martinez icing your sprained ankle right ?

he’s never really travelled much , aside from the times he’s been called to neighbouring towns / cities during big emergencies and such with his crew . he’s got major wanderlust and really wants to travel to venezuela and such , but he’s also perfectly content staying in ptown for now .

he’s a celiac — idk why , i just wanted to give him some sort of weakness cause he seems too perfect rn .

#snackpackintro #—— ` . ooc !#i didn't really proofread so i apologize for mistakes

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pseudophan · 7 years

Text

Choking On Your Alibi

Rating: M Genre/tags/idk: friends to lovers/getting together, fluff, eventual smut, all the good stuff Word count: 6.3k what the fuck Summary: When Dan had first responded to a stranger’s roommate ad, he figured they’d be like acquaintances living together; simply exchanging pleasantries now and then. However as it happens they had quickly become good friends. But what will happen when Dan walks in on Phil hooking up with another guy?

based on this article referencing a reddit post about a guy who thinks he's homophobic because he doesn't like seeing his roommate with other guys

title from Mr. Brightside because that's where everyone gets their titles tbh

click here to read it on ao3 if that’s more your thing

"There's just one more thing," the man sitting across from him says, looking up from Dan’s application form.

"What is it?"

"Well so I assume it's not gonna be much of an issue for you but I'm uh ... I'm gay?"

"Oh," Dan is a bit taken aback at first, though he recovers fairly quickly, "That's cool," he says, truthfully.

Phil relaxes noticeably in his chair, he'd clearly been worried about Dan’s reaction. “I just thought you should know in case i bring any guys home. Or a guy, rather, I mean I’m not gonna bring a whole group and have like an orgy…”

“Phil-”

“Actually my sex life isn’t that interesting, I might not even bring anyone home but-”

“PHIL,” Dan has to raise his voice to get him to stop rambling. “Relax, it’s alright.”

Phil stops and smiles, “okay, cool. Good. So uh- I’ll see you Thursday then, yeah?”

“See you Thursday.” Dan gets up and walks towards the front door, casting one last glance over at the older guy before walking outside.

He is actually looking forward to living with Phil, he seems pretty cool and in the few conversations they’ve had together so far he’s gotten the impression that their interests are fairly similar.

Yeah, he thinks, this will be good.

Three days later Dan is again stood in the London flat, only this time he’s surrounded by boxes and feels a lot less optimistic. He’s still excited about the new living arrangements, but after a full day of moving, the knowledge that he has to unpack all his stuff makes him regret every life decision he has ever made.

“Do you need some help?” Dan is dragged back to reality by Phil’s voice, sounding rather amused.

“Huh?”

“You look a bit overwhelmed, we could order pizza and then I’ll help you unpack?”

“Phil, I fucking love you,” Dan replies, chuckling, and lifts one of the boxes off the floor. “I’ll start carrying these to my room and then you can order the pizza?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Phil smiles and reaches for his phone.

The pizza arrives after about half an hour, just as they finish unpacking the first box. Phil pays the delivery boy - with his own money as he refused to let Dan spend as much as a penny - and brings the food upstairs, figuring they’d eat as they work.

“So,” Phil says as Dan opens the next box. “Tell me something about yourself.”

“Like what?” Dan asks, looking up from the newly opened box.

“Like anything, if we’re gonna be living together I’d like to know more about you.” Phil picks up a plushie from the box and holds it up, “what’s the story behind this?”

Dan laughs and grabs the plushie, placing it on top of his wardrobe. “There’s no story, I won it for my girlfriend in one of those claw crane machine things.”

“That is a story,” Phil says, smiling. “If you won it for your girlfriend then why is it here?”

“She kinda threw it at me as I left her house after we broke up.”

“Oh. I’m sorry?”

“Nothing to be sorry about, it wasn’t the most passionate of relationships. I like the plushie though, so i kept it.”

“Is it like a reminder not to put up with things that don’t make you happy?”

Dan stops, looking up at Phil. “Uh. What?”

“If she threw the plushie at you I’m assuming you were the one who broke it off, and there must have been a reason for that, right?”

“Well, yeah, she cheated on me, but-”

“There you go! Whenever you look at the plushie you’re reminded of a time you did something you maybe didn’t want to, but knew you had to in order to be happy.”

“That’s … a lot deeper than I’ve ever thought about it but I uh. I guess?”

Phil grins, looking very pleased at himself for his analysis of some random teddybear. Dan looks at him and shakes his head in disbelief.

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a bit odd?”

“All the time,” Phil says and then he giggles , like a little kid, except somehow it doesn’t seem out of place for him. “I usually take it as a compliment.”

A few months pass, and living with Phil couldn’t be better. They have the same taste in TV and films, and although Phil isn’t into all the music Dan listens to, they do have quite a few favourite bands in common.

When Dan had first responded to a stranger’s roommate ad, he figured they’d be more like acquaintances living together; making their own dinner and exchanging pleasantries now and then. However as it happens they had quickly become good friends, and more often than not they eat their meals together.

On this particular day, Phil had woken him up to make pancakes because ‘it’s Saturday and you can’t have Saturday without pancakes!’

So here they are, in the kitchen making pancakes. Except, they’re not really making pancakes as much as thoroughly destroying the room. The batter has found its way out of the bowl and all over the counter. Long story short, Phil had attempted to use an electric mixer and it didn’t go well.

“You really suck at this cooking thing,” Dan says, laughing at Phil’s defeated expression.

“And you haven’t exactly been much help,” Phil replies. “Besides, it’s the thought that counts and all that.”

“You just keep telling yourself that.”

Then, without warning, Phil lifts the mixer from the bowl again and presses the on button, causing a shower of batter to rain over Dan.

“Oh, my God, Phil!” Dan quickly dips his finger into the batter and smears it on Phil’s cheek in revenge.

“Jokes on you, now I look like I’m wearing some epic war paint,” Phil says, before he coats his entire hand in batter and playfully smacks Dan’s ass.

“Messing up my jeans is a low blow!” Dan says, after the initial shock.

Phil just shrugs. “What can I say, it’s a good ass.”

Dan laughs. They do this a lot, jokingly flirt with each other. If he’s being honest Dan kind of loves it. It’s nothing serious, Phil knows he’s straight, and the way he flirts is clearly just banter, but it gives Dan an odd sense of comfort to be close enough to somebody that they can joke around without it being weird.

All in all this roommate thing is working out quite nicely. But of course, because the universe seems to hate him, something has to go wrong sooner or later.

One day when Dan comes home from the gym - after exercising, obviously, not just quickly signing a year long membership he’ll probably never use before getting intimidated by the very buff guys lifting weights who could all probably kill dan with one finger, thus prompting him to postpone his dream of getting ripped and instead leaving as soon as possible - he finds Phil on the sofa in their lounge. Horizontal. With another man.

Dan freezes in the doorway. He knows he should leave, or at least say something to let them know he’s here, but his legs are glued to the floor and his tongue has stopped working. Phil and the guy are heavily making out, neither of them are wearing shirts and the stranger is slowly moving his hands over Phil’s chest. Suddenly, Phil lets out a loud moan, and evidently that’s what Dan needed to wake up from his frozen state. He lets out a surprised ‘oh!’ and as much as he wish they hadn’t, both Phil and the guy hear him.

“Um,” Dan begins as he steps back from the door, frantically searching for words.

“Dan! I didn’t think you’d be home yet.”

“I’m so sorry, I- I’m just gonna, um- go.” Dan quickly walks towards his room and closes the door behind him, leaving a very flustered Phil on the couch.

Alone in his room, Dan paces back and forth. What the fuck just happened? It’s not so much the fact that he walked in on Phil with a guy, it’s how it made him feel. He feels sick. Like he might throw up at any moment. Why? He’s walked in on his parents before, and though that experience ranks as one of his top 10 least pleasant moments it didn’t make him feel physically ill. Then, a thought strikes him. Is it because Phil was with a guy ?

Dan can’t recall ever having had anything against gay people, and though he was surprised when Phil said he was gay he never thought anything negative of it. However as he unwillingly replays the scene he’d just witnessed, he can’t help but feel highly uncomfortable by it, and if it’s not the idea of walking in on someone itself then what else can it be?

Confused, and frankly quite disappointed in himself, he goes to bed and falls into an uneasy sleep.

When he wakes up the next morning, it’s due to a knock on his bedroom door. Unsurprisingly when the door opens it’s Phil, looking rather embarrassed.

“Hey… Did i wake you?”

“Yeah, but that’s okay. What’s up?” Dan knows what’s up, of course he does, but he asks anyway.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for last night, I really thought you’d be gone longer.”

“It’s fine,” Dan says.

It isn’t.

“Are you sure?”

No.

“Well I wasn’t exactly expecting to walk in on you getting down and dirty so I was a bit surprised, but really - it’s okay.”

Lies.

Phil doesn’t seem convinced, but he lets it slide and leaves the room, probably to eat breakfast.

Dan tries to go back to sleep but soon realises it’s not gonna happen and gets out of bed. He doesn’t particularly want to have breakfast with Phil, in fear of having to continue the conversation about last night’s awkward encounter, and so he decides to wait until he’s certain Phil is done in the kitchen. Unfortunately this also gives him an unwanted opportunity to ponder his feelings about what happened. Why is he making such a big deal out of this? He’s had gay friends before. Well, one gay friend… Okay he had a gay classmate who he occasionally talked to, but he’d never had any issues with him.

But you never saw that guy with a boyfriend an unwanted voice in his head reasons.

“That’s irrelevant!” Dan exclaims to the empty room, before silently cursing himself and hoping Phil didn’t hear his outburst.

You’re being ridiculous, he thinks to himself, careful not to speak out loud this time to save himself from further embarrassment. If he really does have a problem with Phil being gay, he’ll just have to get the fuck over it.

And he does.

That is, he thinks he has. Until the next time he encounters one of Phil’s dates.

When Phil said his sex life isn’t that interesting he wasn’t lying, it takes almost two months before Dan once again wishes the earth would open up and swallow him whole. This time he comes home from a weekend spent in Wokingham with his family just as a tall, blonde guy he’s never seen before is about to leave.

“Oh, hello!” The stranger smiles and holds out his hand, seemingly for Dan to shake. “I’m Nathan.”

Dan ignores the hand. He’s too busy staring at the telling bruises on Nathan’s neck, unable to keep his mind from imagining how they got there. After about a minute of awkward silence, Phil walks out into the hall, typing something on his phone and therefore not noticing Dan’s presence right away.

“So I’ll call you, yeah? I just saved your-” Phil looks up, finally spotting his roommate. “Dan! Welcome back, did you have a good weekend?”

Dan shrugs.

“Uh, so this is Nathan,” Phil begins, though apparently he’s struggling to figure out what to say next because what follows is just another awkward silence. Incidentally this is when Dan decides to finally chime in.

“So i hear,” he says, not meeting his friend’s eyes. He knows that he’s being an asshole, but the second he walked through the door and realised what Phil had been up to in his absence something just snapped. That was all it took for the time and effort he’d spent convincing himself he was perfectly okay with Phil’s love life to lose its worth. Phil furrows his brows and Dan knows he’s about to get a well deserved berating.

“Right, well, I’m gonna uh...I’ll just go.” Nathan doesn’t wait for a response and is out the door before either of them can say a word. The second the door slams, Phil takes a step towards Dan, his expression dangerously similar to that of someone about to commit murder.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“I don’t-” Dan begins, but Phil interrupts him.

“Don’t you dare say that you don’t know! If you’re gonna be a dick, at least pretend to have a reason for it.”

“I just...” Dan tries again, but this time he trails off by himself. I just feel bad because the very thought of you hooking up with a guy makes me feel uncomfortable and frankly downright disgusted, he thinks to himself, inwardly shuddering at how horrible it sounds.

“You just what?” Phil pushes. And then, as if he’s read Dan’s mind he asks “Do you have a problem with me sleeping with other guys?”

Fuck.

“What? Of course not, I don’t give a shit who you hook up with!” Dan doesn’t mean for it to come out that harshly, and it does nothing to calm Phil down. If anything it makes him even more upset, Dan notices, slightly confused at this development.

“You know what, I’m just gonna go stay with Nathan,” Phil says and grabs his jacket, walking past Dan who’s still stood in the middle of the room.

“But I got back early to go to the cinema tonight because you wanted to!”

“Yeah, well, now you won’t have to.” Phil walks past him and opens the door. “Just to be clear,” he says, his back turned, “you’ll be okay if I sleep with him as long as it’s not here?”

Dan tries his best to sound nonchalant when he replies, “It’s none of my business what you do elsewhere, knock yourself out.”

The door slams. Dan feels sick.

He fucked up, God he fucked up. There was absolutely no valid reason for him to be rude to Phil, not to mention poor Nathan, and yet…

Several hours pass and Phil doesn’t return. I guess he was serious about staying the night with Nathan then, Dan thinks, and as soon as he does that familiar nauseous feeling returns. He can’t help but picture the two of them in bed together, naked and sweaty, moans filling the air. Already the first hour he tried drowning his sorrows in alcohol, but all he could find in the flat was a quarter bottle of wine which he drank in one go with very limited effects.

Usually if he doesn’t know what to do he’ll just google it, but something tells him the search results for ‘help i’m a homophobe’ may not be particularly helpful. An obvious solution would be to talk to somebody, but if he’s being honest the entire thing is just really embarrassing. Who does he know that has experience in awkward topics and who won’t judge him for it?

Then it hits him. Louise.

Dan had met Louise during his limited time at uni, and though they don’t meet up as often as they used to she’s still one of his best friends.

She picks up on the second ring, clearly not any more busy than Dan,

“S’up. This is Henry from last night, did I leave my pants at your house?” he opens in the deepest voice he can possibly manage.

“You know, you should probably block your number before attempting to prank call people,” Louise laughs into the phone. “And his name was George, if you must know.”

“No way! Louise has a lovelife, who would’ve thought.”

“Shut up, Howell. Why are you calling, anyway? Shouldn’t you be watching movies with your new BFF?” “Hey, you know it’s not like that-” Dan begins, but Louise laughs and interrupts him.

“Oh relax, I’m perfectly content being replaced by your cute roommate.”

“Cute?”

“Don’t even pretend like you haven’t noticed.”

Dan rolls his eyes, even though he’s aware Louise can’t actually see him.

“Speaking of, how is Phil?” She continues before Dan can conjure up an appropriate response.

“Well, uh, that’s kinda what I’m calling about-” he begins, hesitating.

“...Yes?” Louise says after several seconds of silence.

“Promise you won’t judge?”

“I will promise no such thing,” she replies, but he can tell by the tone of her voice that she’s joking.

“Alright, here it goes-”

He tells her everything, about how great living with Phil was in the beginning - although she’d already heard that part a million times before - and then how weird it had gotten lately. He talks about how he walked in on Phil with that stranger a couple of months ago, then Nathan and how rude he’d been to him.

“-and then I told Phil I don’t give a fuck who he sleeps with outside of our flat, but that just made him even more upset! He didn’t even say goodbye, just slammed the door and left. That was nearly four hours ago and he doesn’t seem to be coming home any time soon so I guess he really is staying with Nathan or something.” He stops, finally, and takes a deep breath. He must have been rambling for ages.

He’s expecting Louise to say something, but all he hears is silence.

“Hello?”

He hears a sigh on the other end. Then, “you really are an idiot, Dan Howell.”

“You weren’t supposed to judge!” He says, but she ignores him.

“So what you’re saying is that you don’t like Phil being intimate with other guys, and your natural deduction is that you’re homophobic?”

Dan hesitates. When she says it like that it does sound stupid, he must admit.

“During all this freaking out,” Louise continues, “did it ever occur to you that what you’re feeling might just be jealousy?”

“Well yeah, I thought about that, but it’s not like I never have sex either, why would I be jealous of Phil?”

“No, you doofus, I mean you’re jealous of the other guys. Nathan and...whatshisface.”

Oh. Oh.

“You haven't even considered the possibility, have you?” Louise’s voice is amused but considerate.

“I’m not… I don’t… I-” Dan’s head is filled with different thoughts and questions all battling for attention, effectively resulting in none of them being uttered.

“Alright,” Louise says, “close your eyes.”

He’s not entirely sure what’s going on, but any excuse to hand the thinking over to someone else is very welcome and so he does as she says.

“Are they closed?”

“Yep.”

“Okay, now, picture yourself kissing some girl.”

“What, why?”

“Just do it.”

He realises there is no point in arguing and goes along with it.

“How is it?” she asks.

“It’s…nice? I guess.” In a way it is, too. He’s always enjoyed kissing, and though it makes him feel like he’s 13 years old again, picturing kissing a pretty girl is definitely not something he dislikes.

“Now picture kissing a guy.” Louise’s strange request breaks his fantasy, but before he can say anything she continues, “don’t question it, just let your mind run free.”

And so he does. This picture is a lot more difficult to maintain than the last one. He struggles to concentrate, and it’s less of a coherent fantasy and more like a distant idea he can’t fully grasp.

“Well?”

“It’s...weird. I don’t feel ill like when i walked in on Phil with that guy, but I don’t feel anything else either.”

“I have one more.” Louise sounds hesitant, as if she knows he won’t like this next proposal. “Imagine you’re kissing Phil .”

He doesn’t even bother protesting. If he’s being honest he did sort of see it coming, though the idea still makes him feel highly awkward.

Here goes nothing he thinks, and lets his mind run wild. The Phil in his head is walking towards him, as smiley as ever. He stops in front of him and hesitates for a second before moving his hand to rest on Dan’s hip, then gently cups his face with the other. He moves in slowly and lightly presses his lips to Dan’s, who sighs and parts his lips slightly, inviting the other to explore his mouth. However, just as they really start getting into it Dan is torn away by a loud cough.

“Huh?” he opens his eyes and looks around the empty room before he remembers he’s on the phone. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh . What the hell just happened?”

“What do you mean? I just did what you told me to”

“I told you to picture yourself kissing Phil, not passionately making love to him.”

“I didn’t!”

“Dan, you moaned.”

Dan’s face goes deep red and he can only thank any possible higher power that there isn’t anyone in the room to witness it.

Louise laughs. “Well, it seems like you have no problem with Phil kissing guys if it’s you he’s kissing.”

Dan almost smiles at her words, but any hints of said smile vanishes from his face when he remembers Phil wouldn’t actually kiss him, ever.

“God, Louise, what the fuck do I do?” He sighs and sinks deeper into the sofa cushions.

“I suggest you make out with Phil and live happily ever after.”

“Yeah, see, there’s a gaping hole in that plan. Phil doesn’t like me in that way!”

“Dan… are you blind and deaf or are you just simply an idiot?”

“Huh?”

“Phil is so obviously into you! Didn’t you say he got upset when you said you don’t care who he sleeps with?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“And doesn’t he flirt with you like all the time?”

“That’s just for fun! It’s not like he means it.”

“Is it though?”

“I mean…I think it is. Oh God, what if it isn’t?”

On one hand the thought of Phil liking him back fills Dan with so much joy he could barely contain himself, but on the other it scares him half to death. Not only has he never been with a guy before, but Phil is one of his best friends and the thought of fucking that up terrifies him.

“Dan?” Louise’s voice is quiet and careful, as if she’s afraid she’ll scare him. “If you want my advice I say take some time, think everything over and then if you decide to tell Phil I will be here cheering you on.”

“And if I decide not to?”

“I’ll still be cheering you on, just with less enthusiasm.”

Dan chuckles. “Thanks. I love you, did you know that?”

“I’ve always suspected. Goodbye and good luck!”

“Bye.”

The next few days are agonising . His newly discovered crush ends up staying at his boyfriend-or-fuckbuddy-or-whatever’s house for three days, leaving Dan to re-think his decision over and over until he’s certain he will actually go insane. At first he decides not to do anything and just hope the crush will disappear on its own. Then, four hours and a fair amount of alcohol later, he changes his mind and suddenly telling Phil seems like the best idea anyone has ever had. It’s a good thing he didn’t charge his phone after the long chat with Louise because he tries his best to drunk dial the man in question, but the battery dies before any harm is caused.

By the time Phil finally arrives back at the apartment Dan has been back and forth so many times he’s given himself whiplash. In the end, though, he decided not to tell Phil. It’s not worth it, he thinks. Our existing friendship is more valuable than my need to snog him.

And if a little voice in the back of his head is yelling bullshit! at his claims, he is skilfully ignoring it.

A week passes and Dan is frustrated.

Then another week and Dan is in agony.

Being around Phil before he realised his feelings was bad enough, but now it’s downright torturous. More than once he finds himself staring at Phil’s lips as he speaks, or follow his hand as he raises it to brush his fringe out of his eyes or scratch his jaw or fuck knows what else.

Phil hasn’t brought up their argument, nor the cause for it, since it happened and Dan is more than happy to pretend it never happened. Nathan hasn’t been around since that day and Phil hasn’t been outside enough for Dan to suspect they’ve met anywhere else, and although he knows it’s selfish he can’t help but hope it will stay that way.

It doesn’t, of course.

“Hey, Dan, have you seen my phone?”

Dan looks up from his laptop screen to see Phil standing in the doorway of the lounge, looking mildly stressed. He chuckles at his flatmate’s expression and ponders the question for a few seconds.

“Have you checked the bathroom?” he says, finally. “I’m not entirely sure but I think I may have seen it in there earlier.”

Phil walks away and half a minute later Dan hears a triumphant “Hah!” coming from the bathroom, making him chuckle.

“It’s been missing for hours,” Phil says as he reenters the lounge and falls down on the sofa next to Dan. “Two missed calls from my mum, several snapchat notifications and- oh.”

“What?” Dan asks, confused.

“Uh, it’s nothing, nevermind.” Phil smiles at him, but contrary to popular belief Dan isn’t a complete idiot, and keeps pushing.

“Come on. Is there anything wrong?”

“No, it’s just… Nathan texted me?” It’s not a question, but the nervousness in Phil’s voice makes it sound like one, as if he’s unsure whether he’s allowed to receive texts from boys. Fuck, that makes Dan feel like a shitty person.

“Oh.”

“He’s asking if I want to go out for a drink tonight.”

“Oh,” Dan says again. “Are you going?”

Phil shifts uncomfortably in his seat, clearly conflicted. “I want to, but I don’t wanna make things awkward between us again so if it bothers you for whatever reason I won’t.”

Dan wants nothing more than to tell Phil not to go, to beg him never to see Nathan - or anyone else, for that matter - ever again.

But of course he doesn’t do that. He can’t. He has no right to decide over Phil’s life, and in the end he truly does want Phil to be happy.

“You should go,” he says, finally.

“Really?” Phil sounds excited.

“Sure.”

“You’re the best,” Phil says and gives him a quick hug before getting up.

By the time Dan recovers, Phil is gone and Dan can hear him rummaging around in the bathroom, presumably getting ready for his date. With Nathan. Phil is going on a date with Nathan.

Dan feels sick. It’s the same feeling he got when he first met Nathan and realised what he and Phil had been up to, except this time he recognises it and knows what caused it. Jealousy. He is so jealous he wants to scream. He might have done it as well, if it wasn’t for Phil being able to hear him.

And so he settles for crying. He gets up and all but runs to his room, closing the door behind him before he falls into his bed and sobs into his pillow. It’s pathetic, he knows it is, but right now he has no idea what else to do. He cries until he can’t anymore, and ends up just laying there, staring up into nothing.

That’s when he sees it. On the top of his closet; the stupid plushie he’d won for his girlfriend. God, that felt like so long ago now. He can’t even remember the day he got it, only her angry cries as she threw it at him after he broke up with her. No, wait… He remembers one more thing. He remembers Phil picking it up and asking for the story behind it. He remembers him analysing it, saying it reminded Dan to do whatever it takes to be happy. He remembers his giggle when Dan called him weird.

And suddenly Dan knows exactly what he needs to do.

Before he can change his mind he hurries out of bed, rips his door open and runs down the hall. Please dear God tell me he hasn't left yet, he thinks, as he all but trips down the stairs. And for once in his life the luck is on his side because there, looking both confused and concerned, is Phil. He's wearing a coat and is clearly on his way out, but Dan has already decided that Phil's date is cancelled. Sorry Nathan. "Dan, what-" Phil begins, but Dan cuts him off.

"Do you have any idea how annoying you are?"

"I-" Phil tries again, to no avail.

"My life was going great! Well, perhaps not great, but it was fine. It was calm, and I had everything more or less figured out." For the third time, Phil opens his mouth to say something.

"But then!" Dan exclaims before he can utter as much as a syllable. "But then. Then you came along. With your stories and opinions and unique way of thinking that I could probably listen to for hours on end. And your hair is neat and never curls and somehow you can dye it an emo black well into your twenties and still look good. And then you started bringing guys home and I felt so awful and I didn’t understand why and I was sure I’d somehow become homophobic."

The confused look on Phil's face is replaced by an amused smile, and this time he doesn't even try to interrupt Dan's rant.

"And you giggle! You giggle like a five year old and it's annoying and adorable and I just want to kiss that stupid grin off your face."

"Then go for it."

"Huh?"

"Kiss the stupid grin off my face. I dare you."

And so he does. In two short steps Dan reaches Phil and he doesn't give himself as much as a second to think before grabbing the front of the other's jacket and pulling him in. Their lips meet, and suddenly nothing else matters. Dan doesn't care about his newfound sexuality crisis, all he cares about is Phil's lips and how smooth they are against his own chapped ones. Phil grabs Dan’s waist with one hand and pulls him closer, then moves the other to the back of his neck and tilts his head before he tentatively flicks his tongue over Dan’s bottom lip. Dan can’t help but moan, and doesn’t even have the time to feel embarrassed before Phil takes advantage of his parted lips and deepens the kiss and then Dan is gone.

They kiss for what feels like hours. Dan is pressed up against the wall and Phil’s coat has long since been discarded, allowing the younger to roam his hands under his shirt and feel the warm skin of his back.

“Wait, shit, Dan I-” Phil pulls back, sweaty and out of breath, and rests his forehead against Dan’s.

Dan wants nothing more than to ignore him and just keep kissing, but he knows better than to force himself on him. “What’s wrong?” he asks instead.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just um-” he nods down, and Dan follows the motion, instantly realising what he’s getting at.

“Oh.” Phil’s jeans are tight, and even in the dim light of the hallway he can clearly see the bulge forming underneath them.

“I don’t want to pressure you into something you’re not ready for, so we should probably stop before things escalate.”

Dan goes quiet for a moment, still lightly stroking Phil’s back with his thumb as he thinks. He is already in way over his head, and he has no idea how to proceed with getting intimate with another man, yet there is still a voice in his head telling him to just do it. Phil definitely isn’t the only one who’s gotten worked up over their current situation, and although he could always retreat to his room for a wank, something tells him it would be a disappointing high.

Deciding that this truly is the day for trying new things, Dan takes a deep breath and looks Phil straight in the eye as he slides his hand from his back and towards the bulge in his jeans. He moves slowly, making sure Phil knows exactly what he’s doing and has the opportunity to stop him if he wants to. He doesn’t, and Dan takes it as permission to continue. Phil gasps as Dan suddenly presses his hand against his crotch, beginning to palm him over his jeans. Dan smirks as he feels Phil grow impossibly harder under his touch, noting how his breath catches when Dan slowly pulls down his zipper.

“Can I?” Dan asks, though he’s pretty sure he knows the answer already.

“God, yes,” Phil replies, and Dan wastes no time before pulling his jeans down over his hips, immediately resuming his previous actions. Now that the jeans are gone he can feel the shape of Phil’s length through the thin fabric of his boxers. Phil moans and God the knowledge that Dan is the reason for these noises is intoxicating.

In the midst of his desire to please Phil he has completely forgotten about his own hard-on, and so when Phil suddenly reaches out to undo Dan’s own trousers it takes him a second to understand what is happening.

“I’ve got an idea,” Phil says, fingers toying with the waistband of his jeans. “Do you trust me?”

Without even thinking, Dan replies “Completely,” and Phil pecks his lips before promptly pulling down his jeans. He then steps out of his own and discard them completely, motioning for Dan to do the same.

Once they’re both stripped down to their underwear, Phil pulls Dan in for a heated kiss that leaves him weak in the knees. As their lips and tongues move together, Phil moves both of his hands to Dan’s backside and, without warning, grabs his ass. Then, as if that wasn’t enough to send Dan’s head spinning, he pulls him impossibly closer and rolls his hips into the younger man’s, causing their erections to rub together and making them both moan into each other’s mouths.

“Fuck, shit, shit, fuck!” Dan desperately clutches Phil’s shirt as they continue to move together, the thinking part of his brain having long since stopped working. “How very articulate,” Phil teases, though the moan he lets out just afterwards makes it clear he’s just as far gone as Dan.

Dan moves his hands back to their previous spot under Phil’s shirt, desperate to feel more of his soft skin beneath his fingers. Taking the hint, Phil hastily removes the shirt completely, allowing Dan’s hands to roam even further. Whilst Dan is occupied with exploring every part of his body, Phil takes the opportunity to back him up against the wall once again. He then lowers his mouth to Dan’s neck and starts sucking and biting slightly at the skin there. This, paired with a particularly well aimed roll of his hips, makes Dan moan louder than he think he ever has, and if his brain was in a normal working state he’d no doubt be embarrassed.

“I’m ah- I’m close,” Dan manages, barely.

Phil stops.

He fucking stops.

“Phil!” Dan whines, trying his best to roll his hips into Phil’s again but he just steps back. Dan is just about to take matters into his own hands - literally - and jerk himself off, when Phil falls to his knees in front of him and oh. Oh.

Without a word, Phil pulls down Dan’s boxers, and just the sight of Phil’s mouth that close to his cock is enough to make Dan moan again. When Phil then licks a stripe from his base to his tip, Dan is certain he’s going to literally fall apart. This is proved even more likely when Phil wraps his lips around the head of his cock and starts sucking lightly, teasingly flicking his tongue over the tip. Just as Dan is about to tell Phil to please oh please hurry the fuck up, he takes his entire length into his mouth and holy shit does he even have a gag reflex?

Once again Dan warns Phil that he’s about to come, and Phil looks up at him through his lashes as he pulls his own cock out of his boxers and starts stroking himself as he takes Dan all the way down again. The tip of his cock hitting the back of Phil’s throat combined with the look on Phil’s face as he chases his own orgasm is enough to send Dan over the edge. He cries out as he comes, unable to keep his hips from bucking into Phil’s mouth as the older man swallows around him, not spilling a single drop.

Dan sinks down the wall, unable to keep himself standing any longer. In fact, he can’t see himself standing up ever again if he’s being honest. Phil wipes his own cum on his previously discarded jeans before turning back to Dan, who can’t help but run his hand through the ruffled black hair. He pulls Phil closer and their lips meet as Dan ignores the voice in his head reminding him that the lips he’s kissing were around his cock only two minutes ago.

“So,” Phil says as they pull apart for air. “What’s the verdict?”

“Huh?” Dan asks, confused.

“Well, are you homophobic or..?”

“Oh, shut up.”

Phil just giggles and pulls Dan in for another kiss.

------

so uh. did you like it? confession time, i haven't actually written a proper fic before so i'm nervous as HECK. hopefully it wasn't entirely terrible though ahhh

thank you to andy (jellyfics) for being my beta (and helping with the title when i was ready to Die after pondering it for ten hours) and to caitlyn (ratinof) for constantly assuring me that the fic isn't /entirely/ shit. i appreciate it.

#phanfic #phan smut #phanfiction #phan #my fic #the fuck do i tag this as

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