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euargh · 1 year

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my day today

it started off awful with being unable to sleep until 9am then woke up at 11am having only about 2ish hours of sleep after 29 hours of being awake. parents didn't get the breakfast they had promised all week to get me for my birthday, but I expected that. my sis' felt bad and took me to Chilies for a margarita. That was nice. Then she decided to go to South Padre Island to Wanna Wanna to view the beach. I was up for it. We went on a quick trip to South Padre Island. It was nice. She got me a pina colada. and from within the tent we watched the beach and two surfers learning to surf. We didn't have beach stuff with us since this was unexpected but it was nice to watch. Then we went back home. I was kind of hoping my parents and sis' and I would go to H-E-B to get a cake and then the mall for a bit. Instead my dad canceled plans. I was irritated because my dad only grunted at me.

Later in the day I snapped at him for not telling me happy birthday. Something I haven't done in years. I am just so sick of his anger and talking over me and other crap all the time and never appreciating me that I finally just let it all out. but that was a mistake because I have been off my meds. My meds usually help keep my rage maintained and somewhat tolerate my parent's bullshit. He made me feel like shit for just wanting to be told "happy birthday" and a hug. I know it's a stupid thing to want, but I guess that little thing pushed me over due to all the other bigger things I constantly endure from him and other things. I texted my sis' to enter the room because my dad was really insulting me and saying hurtful things like "YOU TAKE HOLIDAYS TOO SERIOUSLY! I HATE THE HOLIDAYS!" like?? It's a birthday? Not a holiday? and that's so fucking hurtful to even say, maybe you should be freaking grateful you even have someone at all like me that tries to make a stupid shitty grumpy violent piece of shit like you smile once in a while. You have no other friends at all. It's just me, mom, and my sis'. Then those people you speak to like once every other month. You should be damn appreciative I care. All I wanted for my birthday was to be appreciated for one day because of all the bullshit you throw at me. Fuck you, dad.

My mom sided with me and started crying and demanded he stop his crap. I know it's stupid to even want to be appreciated for one day, but god ugh. I didn't say it like that to him though. I know he'd tear me down if I said that, so instead I just said "I'm just annoyed you didn't tell me happy birthday." To which he sarcastically said "well sorry, mijita!"

Anyways, after a shitfest we awkwardly hugged. but he still continued his insults. When my sis' entered the room, he was still continuing with, "THERE'S TINY THINGS YOU DO THAT ANGER ME! LIKE WHEN I ASKED IF THE COFFEE MACHINE IS ON. YOU SAID YES. I CHECKED AND IT WASN'T ON!" Like?? My sis' said to him "Just turn it on then?" My dad being an absolute narcissist thought she was telling me that and said "YEAH." :/

I snapped back at him with "YOU DO THINGS THAT ANGER ME TOO." then he kept talking over me. I said "LIKE THIS, TALKING OVER ME!" Then I said "AND YOU SHOUT ALL SORTS OF DEMANDS!" To which he denied. :/

Felt entirely like shit. Felt awful and embarrassed asking my sis' to even step into the room, but it was so my dad would stop being so aggressive. (he changes faces when my sis' is around.) My dad made me sound like I'm this entitled brat. No, you're the one that's fucking gross, sexist, violent towards animals, demanding, kind of acts like trump. All I do every day is pick up after you to help mom out and quietly tolerate your gross sexist jokes, your anger/violence, you being pissed all the freaking time, and other crap.

anyways, after that huge fucking shitfest, I guess I said "okay sorry" and I apologized a lot. Left to go bitterly eat pizza in the dining room.

My parents walked into the dining room and my mom said "okay kat, we're going to sing happy birthday to you" and I just... I appreciated it but wasn't in the mood. My sis' got dragged into it as well. They sang sounding like an absolute obligation or as if eating something distasteful. It made me laugh and then my mom started laughing.

Ugh, I still felt like shit but at least parents and I laughed. I felt bad for my sis'.

Jeez, it's like some... weird sitcom.

and that's the story of how I finally lashed out at my dad on my birthday for constantly pushing me over because I don't want to take my meds to maintain my rage and I still feel bad about it (same feeling I get when I speak or say anything but 10x worse) but I know I was in the right but ugh, he made me feel selfish and shitty. He is good at doing that when HE's the one that's awful. He's always "I HATE this I HATE that" and always so violent and spews insults and is highly condescending.

alright /vent sorry this is long at least the second to the first part of my birthday was really nice. I'm just going to forget this shitfest happened. =__= I'm so fucking tired and the frustrations of starting over again trying to be seen as a good person is so taxing. Last time I talked back to my dad was 2017, and the time in between doesn't matter to him because he actually said "YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND START SHIT WITH ME." That was six years ago. =__= I hate my life and want to just die already, tbh.

#vent #story of my day #first time lashing out #ugh #Last time I exploded I was so severely pushed over that I threatened to throw a chair because of how bad everyone was bullying me #This was back in 2014 I think #Like jeez my actual self is this quiet calm person but being around such angry people that shout demands is so stressful #My meds help prevent me from snapping #Why is their logic this: durr hurt lets be a nasty shit to kat OHNO why kat talkin bak?!! BAD EVIL KAT NO GOOD PERSON FUK U KAT #=__= I will probably end up writing an absolute shiftiest novel so I’ll stop here #ok bai 4 nao

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glittergradient · 1 year

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congrats to dan and phil for not making the 100 tumblr ships of the year list for the first time ever, they're finally free

#i think it's the first time at least?#edit: i checked and yes it’s the first time since 2014 #they didn’t make the list in 2013 but back then tumblr only counted the first 30 ships #year in review

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shqrkdud · 4 months

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Every time I feel insecure about how I draw I just look back at my old drawings from almost 4 years ago.

#I think I drew that around April of 2020 #I'm still trying to develop my ideal art style but my improvement allows me to draw more confidently without worrying about it #And I'm still drawing springtrap to this day (I've only drawn him twice in 2020)#I wish I drew more fnaf back then cuz I would've loved to see my progress but I felt insecure back in 2014-17 #All my older fnaf art was digital but I lost my old phone along with the drawings </3 #SAVE YOUR OLD ART I PROMISE YOU'LL LOVE THE IMPROVEMENTS #fnaf #five nights at freddys #springtrap #william afton

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ofswordsandpens · 4 months

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circular discourse, criticism being met with death threats... pjo fandom we're so back baby

#having to put 37 disclaimers before I critique show Gabe's or Sally's characterization or else I'll be told to go f*ck myself...#I made a post like this the other night and deleted #but I just saw the unhinged anon @posallys got and I think this needs to come back #it feels very 2014 in here #pjo show crit #pjo #percy jackson #mine

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adhd-merlin · 10 months

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merlin: prince arthur?? nah what a prat what a—- [trips][hundreds of photos of arthur pendragon spill out of his pockets] w-what a complete idiot i- haha these aren’t mine im just [gathering them up frantically sweating] listen the only reason i stay with him is because there's a stupid prophecy it's not like i- alright just- listen—-[dozens more pictures of arthur scatter across the floor as he shuffles about on his knees] shit fcuk im just holding them for a friend just listen okay

#the year is 2014. you are reading one of this week's hottest memes.#WE SHOULD BRING THIS BACK!#i was thinking about this a couple of days ago #vintage memes #merthur #merlin #bbc merlin #merlin memes

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softpine · 3 months

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“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone.”

[read on ao3] + [♫]

#this editing is so 2014 but i think we can bring it back. let's bring it back #camellia #frozen pines #stevie donovan #elaine nguyen #austin

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ao3commentoftheday · 10 months

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This blog has enough followers now that if I reblog someone, there is potential that it could end up ruining their notes for days. I'm curious:

#wil wheaton reblogged one of my sherlock posts #2 hours before the series 3 premiere back in 2014 #and I got 35K notes in about 6 hours #thank god I was home that day because it drained my phone battery completely #but that was before I had xkit so I didn't read anyone's tags #so it was just kind of amazing #on this blog however I've started just apologizing in the tags #when I think the post might pick up steam

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glorioustragedykid · 4 months

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I'm legitimately curious, If you could reboot a cartoon, which cartoon would it be?

#text #sorry for sounding like one of thouse engagement bait twitter accounts but i really want to know #I've been drawing (traditionally) and thinking of Brichos (2014) and how much i would LOVE if it were rebooted #I'm thinking of getting into animation just so i can try to bring it back #I REALLY want to do something to the Brazilian animation industry

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storm-driver · 3 months

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doing a social experiment poll for KH circles. answer to the best of your ability via the tags/replies

Including the DLC, did you like Kingdom Hearts 3's story, gameplay, both or neither?

Then, what YEAR (or window of time) did you get into Kingdom Hearts as a franchise and genuinely start playing through the games?

#kingdom hearts #stormy weather #if you cant remember the exact year give a window of time where you might've gotten into it #like between 2012 and 2014 for example #im just noticing a correlation between a lot of this information #for me personally i got into Kingdom Hearts back in 2008 #and i am very divided about how much i liked or disliked kh3 #but i think im an outlier #also edit to the tags #thank you for being respectful about this #i know the kh3 discourse is a huge point of contention #and i am not exempt from that #but just being able to say 'this was okay and this sucked' and leave it at that is very respectful thank u <3

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dailyfigures · 2 months

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like i said, truly fascinating people on this app!

#oh this takes me back this feels like some good old 2014 tumblr drama #first of all don't be publicly disrespectful if you don't wanna be called out for being publicly disrespectful! crazy concept!#second of all i made a point to mention that no one should look you up and be rude to you. if anyone did i don't agree with their actions-#but i don't control them. once again you shouldn't have been publicly rude if you didn't want people to see you being rude!#third of all......you're pulling the minority card.......buddy you think i'm a cishet white man cause i'm not.....anyway #actually you came onto my (a minority's) blog and was rude to me (a minority) and then sent 30 asks to me (a minority) 🥺🥺🥺 /s #me.txt #delete later

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chryblossomjjk · 4 months

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one thing about bts is they were never embarrassed about having a large female fan base and that’s a part of the reason why they are where they are tbh

#i saw a yt vid about like old 5sos drama #and i loved 5sos from like 2014-2016 #and looking back im like damn #they lowkey (kinda highkey even) were really embarrassed about us being their demographic #and i think a lot of male artists especially feel like they need male validation to be considered legitimate #bc anything young women like is shit on by the general public #but like #bts never complained about us dragging down their legitimacy #whether that bc them or management it just makes me v 💕✨#ALSO THIS IS NOT 5SOS SHADE IM SURE THEYVE MATURED IM JUST SAYING DONT EVEN START W ME LMAO

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leafuxxtea · 1 month

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silly muu/rei idea of 'if milgram actor au'