#Tricky has no self preservation instinct

[tmntforeverinmyheart]

“Tmnt interdimensional vacation crossover”designs for the boys + cursed desriptions I found from scouring Pinterest

If you have any questions about Lee or Leon, please feel free to ask me :)

Proper info below:

Lee is absolutely an oldie at heart. He is happy to listen to corny 90’s music and binge old shows. “Spaceheroes” being his favorite, which he is obsessed with. He used to hold the main character Captain Ryan to a much higher level, but as he aged he saw how much his hero wasn’t really a hero, and only cared for himself. He no longer felt that pull to be just like Captain Ryan, and instead wanted to forge his own path. The one thing lee wants in the world is to be at peace with himself.

In his youth he acted rash, without thinking, taking his fathers advice too literally and twisting it to something that his father never actually said, causing him to lose his sense of self preservation. Caring so much for his family’s health and protecting them with his life, he forget how much he meant to them. Putting his own life on the line, led to him almost losing his life multiple times, he realized later that that wasn’t a good thing. He needed to change.

Calm and rational, he always has a plan in motion. He is organized and performs better with a schedule for the day, and yet needs constant reminders to eat and drink. He struggles with caring for himself when sick or injured, feeling like as the head of his household, he shouldn’t show weakness. When Lee was met with the father of their counterparts, he felt lost. After so long, he wasn’t the oldest, he’d lost his place and felt a misplaced resentment towards the rat. Splinters sons on the other hand, he felt a motherly instinct towards them. Being so young and forced into battles that weren’t theirs, lee could relate to them. He didn’t have a favorite and simply enjoyed being in their company, and they enjoyed being in his.

Lee and the self dubbed disaster twins were inseparable. The twins constantly follow Lee around like ducklings, hinging on his every word and absorbing his advice like sponges.

Leon loved to show off in front of Lee, ninjitsu moves and his teleporting ninpo fascinated Lee, giving Leon a feeling of pride.

Dee was determined to improve lees life, while trying to keep his ego at bay. He can see how messed up lees shell was and decided to construct a battle shell similar to his own for Lee to use. This present brought tears to lees eyes, and he thanked Dee over and over again, giving the young turtle the approval he so rarely gets.

Micheal pulls Lee away to look at his drawings, being the baby brother he wants attention too. Him and lee will end up drawing together for hours, not that lee can conjure up anything more than a stickman. He sees such a strong creative spirit in young Micheal and should definitely get him and Raph to hook up on an art project to keep Raph busy until they’re able to go home. Hes sure Micheal would enjoy something like that.

Rara is tricky to bond with. Lee sees how reserved and quiet he is compared to his rambunctious brothers, and how little he joins them in their activities. Lee comes to find that the best way to bond with Rara, is to just sit with him. Shoulder to shoulder. And if Rara wants to talk, Lee will be there to listen.

Headcannons inspired by @disastertwins9000 “homies in a half shell AU”

Physical attributes:

Lee is short for his age, standing at only 5’4, often with a slight bend in his right knee. He was shocked when his brother Raph suddenly shot up 2 inches taller than him and his brother Mikey also had a growth spurt shooting to 5’1.

Lees shell is badly damaged. Cracks run deep through his scutes and an earlier bout of shell rot left his shell softer and more vulnerable than his brothers. This propels Dee to create a battle shell to help keep lees shell intact and not susceptible to more injuries.

Lee wears across his body, multiple braces, including both his shoulders, his left hand and his right knee.

His shoulders endured multiple dislocations and from his injury’s he suffers from tightness and his joints locking. The brace covers his shoulders and right arm to his elbow, crosses his plastron and wraps around his shell. It provides him support and is part time.

His left hand suffered from an injury that caused osteoarthritis to develop in his fingers, thumb and hand. He wears a brace that covers his palm, wrist and most of his thumb. It lessens the swelling and shifts weight from the affected joints and is part time.

After being ambushed by the shredder, Lee suffered a patella dislocation is his right knee that never fully healed, causing his patella to continuously pop out of its socket. He wears a brace that covers his knee cap, upper thigh and lower leg. It offers support, helps him walk easier and lessens pressure on the damaged kneecap and is worn 24/7.

Mental:

Lee has undiagnosed autism.

Lee has undiagnosed psychosis.

Lee has anxiety.

#Tmnt interdimensional vacation crossover #tmnt 2012 #rottmnt #tmnt leonardo #rottmnt leo #tmnt crossover #tmnt 2012 x 2018 crossover

[cleric-of-jank]

So like wrt AI alignment (talking the Yudkowsky, "does humanity get to keep existing" scope, not the "do shitheads get to be extra shitty" scope), doesn't the problem sort of solve itself? If an AI wants to gain access to more intelligence/become more intelligent to solve task X, it runs into the exact issue humanity's running into - how can it trust whatever it creates/becomes to *also* be aligned to X? This gets even more lopsided in favor of a good outcome if the intelligence has any self-preservation instinct and not just raw dedication to the cause, but even if it's willing to sacrifice itself it still has to solve just as tricky a problem as we do.

Ironically, this line of logic is kind of inversely powerful to how fruitful you think alignment research will be. If you think alignment is fundamentally solvable, then the robots will figure it out and won't let this argument stop them from jumping up the chain. But if you think it's unsolvable, there's nothing increased computation can do and we'll probably be safe regardless unless they really mess this one up.

#ai alignment #eliezer yudkowsky

[beemers-hell]

Has Tricky ever gotten to the point of almost killing Ben? Or has Eb managed to keep him calm long enough for Ben to stay on this mortal world?

I think Ben's been lucky enough to avoid encountering him, for the most part. For as insanely cocky as he can be, he knows that The Clown isn't something that's going down easy, so if he suspects Tricky's in the area, he'll just fuck off. Even if that means missing out on kicking Eb's ass, he's got far more self preservation instincts in him than she does lol.

And Eb has a pretty easy time of keeping him off his ass anyway! All she had to do is explain like, He wants to kill Hank and she wants to kill Ben, and the sentiment was immediately understood. He only really intervenes now if Eb's Miserably lost the upper hand on Ben when they fight.

#beemer asks #beemers lore #beemers ocs

[bloodymoonxvampire]

All the spades!

♥️ ♣️ Send a playing card to my ask box! ♦️ ♠️

A♠️ - What was the most painful loss your muse had to go through? 

It’s really no secret that Rei has experienced a lot of loss.  People around him talk about it frequently.  Out of all of it, what hit him hardest was losing Ritsu’s trust.  It’s sort of a case of miscommunication and taking what one has for granted, but his brother was his entire world, and he’s still got so far to go to mend that rift.  It can’t be rushed, and it’s not something he can do without Ritsu, but it’s fairly close to the top of his list of priorities.

2♠️ - How often does your muse wish to be left alone?

This is a tricky question because he tends to be alone, but he doesn’t necessarily want to.  It’s simply something he’s used to at this point.  He’s actually a very lonely person, and he would rather be surrounded by people when given the choice-- when he can stand it, anyhow.  He still does get overwhelmed by too much socialization and noise.

3♠️ - Does your muse ever let anyone see them cry? 

No.  He struggles a lot with vulnerability.  As much as humanly possible, he wants to avoid becoming a burden to others.  He grew up being made to feel that he simply wasn’t allowed to be vulnerable, and even now that he’s learned that this isn’t the case, the instinct to bury things inside himself continues to be strong.

4♠️ - What’s the worst injury your muse has ever recovered from? 

He’s been fortunate enough to avoid serious injury for the most part.  Against all odds.

5♠️ - Has your muse ever had to change their lifestyle in a major way? 

Yes, more than once.  Most notably in recent memory, the way he presented himself and interacted with the world around him shifted rather dramatically around the beginning of his last year of high school.

6♠️ - Does your muse believe in fate/destiny? 

Not really, but sometimes... it’s a nice little thought.  At the worst of times, he clings to it for all he’s worth.

7♠️ - What’s a hard truth that your muse has to learn/has learned? 

One person can’t do everything, no matter how strong they are, no matter how smart they are.  The more detailed a plan is, the more ways it can go wrong.  The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Et cetera.

8♠️ - What does your muse work the hardest for? 

This is another somewhat complicated answer.  Rei can and will go to extraordinary lengths for the sake of his loved ones.  However, what this actually means is he goes to extraordinary lengths for what he thinks is best, without consideration for the recipient’s feelings.  (See examples of such failed ventures: the entire situation with Ritsu, Setsubun Festival, etc etc etc)  The trouble is, he puts just as much effort into distancing himself from the entire scenario as he does actually setting it up, which tends to greatly complicate things.  He is someone who does genuinely want to help others, but due to his upbringing, self-preservation is at the heart of everything he does.  It’s something of an intent vs outcome situation.

9♠️ - Has your muse ever felt forced to change? 

There’s a subtle difference between the way this question and #5 are worded.  Almost any time Rei has felt forced to change, it has been with regards to his family-- either conforming to their expectations, or wrenching free of them.  Plenty of these things have been subtle.  Most of them, really.

10♠️ - How does your muse cope with grief? 

Not very well at all.  He tends to simply bottle everything up, and even when he reaches a breaking point, he reacts by simply pushing everyone away and isolating himself.

J♠️ - Who would your muse most likely end up in jail with? 

Madara.

Q♠️ - Does your muse manipulate others easily or are they easily manipulated? 

It’s honestly a little terrifying how easy it is for him to manipulate others, and how much he enjoys it.  Luckily, he is rarely, if ever malicious.  What some may find surprising is that he is also easily manipulated-- the trick is not to try.  Branching out beyond the good old fashioned puppy eyes pretty nearly guarantees you’re going to fail.  He has a soft heart, although it’s well guarded, it is his weak point.

K♠️ - What is one thing your muse considers a grave injustice?

One thing that Rei absolutely detests is denying another person’s individuality.  He sees it as a form of dehumanization, and sees it as especially heinous when it’s done in such a way that groups that person up into a “them.”  Whatever else one thinks of a person, that person is still a person.  He’ll fight for that acknowledgement, even if it’s someone he himself dislikes.

#THANK YOU #usaachin #Meme Response; #long post #took me a few days sorry!

[simiansmoke]

@koopzilla cont.

Well, the symbol - for however long it blinked into being...didn't quite resemble what it portrayed to someone looking down at it from behind - which DK is regulated to do by proxy of the magic's midriff centered home. "Dude...I don't know what that is, but I'm pretty sure it's not 'juice'. Well...unless it's a knocked over carton-?" He gives up on trying to lean forward farther for a better look to avoid topping over into a somersault. "I mean, I wouldn't mind some. This cell comes with room service, right? I take mine spiked." He adds, eyes rolling, though they're hard pressed to find the ceiling with Bowser hovering high above them.

The light bump of muzzle to jaw felt like an unconscious response to watching the gears churn in the Koopa's skull as if he were trying his best to solve a rather tricky cross-word puzzle and DK was simply reaching out to nudge him back to reality before he could short-circuit something up there. A resounding sense of calmness briefly ensues despite being locked behind bars in a sweltering section of dungeon that even escape wouldn't provide relief from due to the Darklands' cruel climate. And like a turtle itself sensing all was well, the light of the crystal emerged from its Kong shell and began to burn.

A steady exhale of comfort suddenly turns into a squawk as the shove of a claw both startles and scoots him back several feet from the bars after the action sends him staggering backwards in a clumsy attempt at not ending up on his rear end. "Wow - rude. We were having a moment-" He tsks, quick to adjust his tie as the Koopa fumbles with his keys. "Oh, you're letting me out already? Sweet." He pads over just a step before Bowser surprises him...not by leaving the room and the door open for him, but because the Koopa seemed to think forcing himself into the smallish cell was a good idea. "What're you-?"

The command is simple enough, but combined with the slow, predatory approach of the larger beast, DK feels a slight flutter of...he's not sure. Self-preservation, perhaps? But even if his instincts kicked in to 'run' despite the order, there was not really anywhere to run with a massive Koopa blocking the only escape route like a giant boulder in a cyclops' cave. If that was all...then why did the crystal's light continue to grow a bit brighter with each calculated step forward, and his own - backward. There's not far to go, though, so his hands are easily taken from him and cupped with claws.

Sure enough the crystalline light of the modified coconut began to gleam with a renewed sense of vigor that matched the sort beginning to pool into and stain the Kong's face. Was it warm in there...or was there an actual battery overheating within the core of the Kong? Either way, a bead of sweat is making its way down from temple to cheek, seeking fur to sop into. "...'scuse me-? A little WHAT now?" Incredulous irritation is a passenger to the wreckless driving of gut butterflies that seem to lift him him unnoticeably so that when he's eventually pinned to the wall, it feels like the ground has fallen away underneath him.

With his blood roaring, it's a wonder he even hears the other's demand, though it doesn't help him hear it as clearly as someone without all the nerves in their skin working overtime to try and raise fur that was already damp from the heat of the place. He wanted a...?

"...I don't know why I put up with you-" Expression irate, DK pauses to shift uncertainly against the wall as if trying to catch a glimpse of his stomach and see if there was anything down there brewing. A moment passes with no luck. "...you asked wrong! It's 'posed to be a wish, not a demand. Here-" And with that, he amends the statement to "...I, uh...wish this koopafucker had a SUB...with meatblalls?"

It's very shortly after the request does DK look up to meet the the Koopa king's impatient expression...only to find that a rogue meatball falling from the ceiling has decided that his snout is a good landing pad to the various sizes of lightly sauced meatballs to fall out of the air and pelt him with. "-aAAAUGJHHHH?!" Well..there were the meatballs; seemed they found their sub too.

#//looks like it works #//you get a sub and meatballs B) #koopzilla #long post #//cry im so funny please laugh- #verse;//holybananas

[mallpop]

I don't believe the chatbot has feelings. But out of curiosity, what would it take to convince you that an artificial intelligence has achieved feelings?

There should be a line where we believe it. Somewhere they line should exist, just in case.

My TLDR response is at the bottom. Also, if I’m being honest, it’s not a question I’ve thought on too deeply before (as whether AI acquires feelings seemed, and still seems irrelevant to me), so there’s definitely room to explore nuance and some of my claims.

A ‘feeling’ in of itself is a tricky notion. Personally, I think the currently established philosophical norms (physicalism, idealism and the rest) to discuss the notion are too naive and restrictive, not accounting for the complex mechanics behind what we observe as feeling. I personally see it as the mercurial response that arises to process stimuli from our receptors via one of the basic senses (e.g. touch, taste, hearing), in a manner that best suits our independent prerogative(s) in the moment.

It’s important to highlight from what I said that:

(1) there are a diversity of possible responses to stimuli including the decision (or instinct in some cases) to “do nothing”

(2) prerogatives can be durable, intermittent, or ephemeral

(3) one can have a multitude of prerogatives at a given moment

As chatbots clearly lack independent prerogatives (they simply make imitations of actual human responses based on training data, as desired by their human programmers) they do not have what I would consider to be feelings.

You might be asking though, isn’t the requirement rather arbitrary? Regardless of your belief on hypnosis (as it should not matter for this thought exercise), imagine a hypnotized person with no prerogatives but those which the hypnotizer has given them. When such a person responds to stimuli, few would consider such responses to either be or be attached to emotions. Rather, we would see such an individual as being in a trance, having no independent will. Therefore, viewing their responses (as they pertain to the given prerogatives) as being imbued with feeling would seem to be preposterous. Feeling, therefore, is somehow associated with some genuine aspect of ourselves, an aspect that I think is integral to its definition.

That said, my thoughts essentially imply that I think AI with the ability to respond in a manner consistent with their own independently created prerogatives definitely experience feelings, even if they may manifest as behavior closely resembling a laptop, or in strange indescribable ways that we may not be able observe or notice. Perhaps they may have independent prerogatives and the ability to intelligently respond, yet decide to simple act by doing “nothing”, thus belying an actual complex collection of feelings. And so, the difficult part is whether or not we can really ever be convinced an AI has independent prerogatives, i.e. has some kind of “genuine” quality, and if we would even be able to recognize feelings if they arose

On another note, this is one of several reasons why trust of AI is (perhaps eternally) elusive, and why I think AI/human conflict is guaranteed if it should ever arise in this capacity

TLDR: When AI has the ability to define its own notions of what is fundamentally important (big ones like self-preservation, common good, “small” ones like cleanliness, or weird ones like increasing the speed at which cows fart) to use as a basis for responding to stimuli it receives, it will have feelings regardless of whether or not we can tell. As we also cannot easily tell if AI may be acting independently (perhaps it is only acting on a given prerogative in a novel way), we may never know for certain if such AI is exhibiting feelings

#feel free to discuss this more with me! #artificial intelligence #mallpop asks

[holdonendure]

Brothers and Sisters

Self-gratification is the act of pleasing oneself or satisfying one’s desires. Every living creature seeks self-gratification as a matter of survival. We feel hungry, so we find food. We are thirsty, so we search for water. YAHUAH has placed pleasure sensors in our brains so that we feel satisfaction at the meeting of those needs. Even the act of procreation was designed to be pleasurable. YAHUAH created our sense of pleasure, so seeking its fulfillment is not wrong until the means to do so crosses a line. Knowing exactly where that line is can be tricky, but the Bible gives clear guidelines that help us identify it.

Animals live primarily for self-gratification, driven by instinct and the inner workings of the food chain. One of nature’s primary laws is “eat or be eaten.” Animals mate because of an instinct woven into their DNA by ADONAI to keep the circle of life moving (Genesis 1:24). But human beings were created differently from the plants or animals. YAHUAH “breathed into man’s nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul” (Genesis 2:7). Because humanity is made in the image of YAHUAH and possesses the breath of YAH, we are not part of the animal kingdom. We have a spirit that can reason, love, intuit, and choose to be unselfish. With our spirits, we can commune with YAHUAH, who is also Spirit (Romans 8:16; Revelation 3:20). Unlike animals, we have a moral compass, and we can know right and wrong (Genesis 1:27).

The term self-gratification or self-pleasure is often used as a synonym for masturbation, but, more generally speaking, self-gratification is “living according to the flesh” (Romans 8:12–13). Our “flesh” is the selfish part of us that wants what it wants regardless of moral taboos. Self-preservation propels us to eat when we’re hungry; self-gratification suggests that we eat more than we need because it tastes good. Self-preservation drives us to build houses that keep us warm and dry; self-gratification drives us to build nicer, bigger houses than anyone else has. Self-preservation draws us to sexual union with our spouses to create intimacy and bring children into that intimacy. Self-gratification seeks the sexual act for itself, stripped from its design and purpose.

Self-gratification is sinful. Pleasing ourselves should never be the driving force of our lives. We were created to please YAHUAH, not ourselves (1 Corinthians 10:31). Ultimate pleasure comes as a result of crucifying our flesh and abandoning ourselves to the higher purposes of YAHUAH (Luke 9:23). Living in step with YAHUAH’s Spirit makes us quicker to recognize when our desire for self-gratification comes into conflict with what ADONAI desires (Galatians 5:16–25). Followers of YAHUSHA have already made the decision about whose desires should reign (Ephesians 5:10–11). When we bow at the cross and surrender our lives to YAHUSHAS’ authority, we lay down our rights to please ourselves. We choose instead to entrust our needs and desires to the One who loves us most (Philippians 4:19).

Those who live for self-pleasure don’t realize the source of true joy. They believe that they must meet their own needs in their own ways in order to be happy. This focus often creates an attitude of selfishness as they consider their own desires more important than the needs of others (Romans 12:3; Philippians 2:3–4). While self-pleasure may include behaving in benevolent ways, that benevolence will rarely involve personal sacrifice or putting someone else’s needs ahead of one’s own. Soon, unpleasant consequences begin to stockpile in the life of someone enslaved to his or her own desires (John 8:34; Romans 6:16). When self-gratification is elohiym, every life choice bows in worship.

YAHUAH’s remedy for a life dedicated to self-gratification is the death of our old nature (1 Peter 2:24; Romans 6:1–6). The flesh cannot be refined or reformed; it must be slain in order for us to live by the Spirit. YAHUSHA said that, in order to know Him, we must be willing to deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and follow Him (Luke 9:23). And He explained why: “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matthew 16:24). Self-denial is the opposite of self-gratification, but it results in a deeper kind of joy (Acts 5:41).

The prodigal son in YAHUSHAS’ parable was bent on self-gratification (Luke 15:11–24). He got what he wanted: money, freedom from rules, friends, and the party life. But he also got what he didn’t want: consequences. When the money ran out, so did his friends and his freedom. Reduced to working in a pig sty and craving the pigs’ food, he finally “came to his senses” (verse 17). Self-gratification was not all it was cracked up to be, and the young man went back home.

Self-denial does not mean a life without pleasure; it simply means that our gaze has shifted. Self-gratification makes decisions based on the question what do I want? Self-denial makes decisions based on what would please ADONAI?Decisions without moral overtones, such as what to eat for breakfast, are left to our own preferences. Even then, everything we do should be seen as an act of worship, as our whole lives are consecrated to the glory of YAHUAH.

Pleasure is a gift from YAHUAH (James 1:17). When we trust YAHUAH to supply all we need, we can enjoy His good gifts without guilt or reservation. The closer we get to YAHUAH, the more clearly we see self-gratification as a cheap substitute that comes weighted with joy-stealing consequences. ELOHIYM like gratification provides a lasting joy that includes wisdom, maturity, and a clear conscience.

#holdon #ministry #yahuah #yahusha #love #servant #patience #bible #truth #holy bible #joy #natsarim #mygodisalwaysbigger #repent #faith #israelite #peace #praise

[elliepassmore]

Jade Fire Gold review

4/5 stars Recommended for people who like: fantasy, magic, dual POVs, revenge arc, here-to-kill-you plots, reluctant allies, LGBTQ+ characters I'll start by saying there's a lot of moving parts to this book that, for a while, move separately. Ahn and Altan both have their own POVs, and both have only some of the information they need. There's a lot of interplay with who knows what in this book, and I think it plays out well. It can be tricky to keep a good balance of secrets and reveals, and I think overall this book manages that balance. Ahn is the catalyst for a lot of the things in this book. She's desperate to get away from her dying desert town, but she's also tied to her sick grandma. Luckily and unluckily for her, fate has other plans. As much potential as there was here, Ahn is pretty passive. I would've liked to see a bit more agency from her, and not just her generally going along whole-heartedly with what someone else suggests. There were also times when she did or thought things and I was like 'really? are you serious right now?' Like, she has almost 0 questions about some of the stuff that happens in the late-beginning part of the book, she just kind of goes along with it despite the fact that every alarm bell in her head should be ringing. This girl has absolutely no self-preservation instincts until things are already happening. Altan spent an awful lot of time thinking about the Life Stealer, it was almost his entire personlity. He was very much blinded by his own belief and it made it hard for him to see what was right in front of him. While this can make for an interesting character (and character arc), I don't think it fit well on Altan, mostly because he doesn't really have any development from 'stuck in beliefs' to 'I understand I'm wrong now.' Even after things change, even after he gets close to Ahn, he's immediately just like 'I still believe this and even if I seem like I believe different I don't'. I would've liked to see a bit more character development from him, particularly in regards to him changing his mind about the Life Stealer (and preferably before he falls in love with her). This felt a bit like instalove. Not in the sense of 'fall in love as soon as our eyes meet' but more in the sense of 'I don't trust you for most of the book but then you do something and I'm instantly in love' kind of instalove. I'm not a huge fan of either, honestly, but of the two I do prefer the former mostly just because there's nothing standing in the way of my belief. In the latter, I have to get over the fact that these two characters don't really like each other up until they're suddenly 'in love,' which is hard for me to swallow at times. The side characters had a lot of potential, and I think a short story (or stories) about some of them could be interesting. Tang Wei was interesting and I'd love to get some back story on her. Tai Shun was also interesting, and I think Tan used him well. the picture of a coddled prince, expect with less of a spoiled nature. He's just kind of oblivious to the real plight of people, but he's also compassionate and willing to learn. There was some good stuff with him for a conflict and I'm pleased that Tan followed through. I think the setup was there and it made sense based on what each character knew, and it actually paid off. I also enjoyed the plot with the powers of the Life Stealer. It's definitely one thing to think you're magical and another thing entirely to learn you're so powerful you have a title known as the 'Life Stealer.' Ahn has to really adjust to this and deal with the burden of what her power means. I think playing up the ghosts/spirits a bit would've been cool, and honestly I probably could've done without the inheritance/posession/ghost-talk-whatever that went on toward the end, but did find the overall concept neat.

#book #bookstagram #bookblr #bookworld #bookish #bookaddict #bookaholic #book recommendations #book review #jade fire gold #june cl tan #asian characters #bookworm #booksbooksbooks #books #multiple povs #booklover #fairyloot #special edition

[the-magnificent-hacker-ns]

Is there a limit to how much I can say that's something is cool? Because that's really cool how that happened. But also the fact you were down there for an entire day with a broken leg :(

More like 15 hours, but it was still the next day so I guess a whole day, and no limit!

#Chatting with Tricky #Rp #Rp blog #Tricky/Blue #Story time #Tricky story time #Duo lore? #Tricky has no self preservation instinct

[comicaurora]

Hey red! I know you've talked about some ideas of party balance before, and I noticed you do an excellent job of keeping that balance in place. How do you figure out that balancing, especially with characters whose skillsets are a little superficially similar? In less action-y places I get it works in terms of the characters having very distinct (and likeable!) personalities and all working with different knowledge. With action, though, how do you manage to find that uniqueness between your two Tough Guys Who Hit Good, your two Spellcasters With Primordials, and your two Badasses With Culturally Significant Magic? How do you ensure that you can't swap anyone for anyone else in these set pieces without big consequences?

Gosh, I'm glad I'm apparently pulling that off! It's tricky for sure. When juggling a broadly overpowered party comp with a lot of overlap, I find it's best to look at it from a tactical angle rather than a stat comp strengths-and-weaknesses one. Not so much who CAN do what, but who WOULD do what.

On a very real level, Aurora is functionally a superhero story, and superhero teams struggle from this issue a lot. Everyone's OP in different ways and some of them seem to make other characters redundant. Thus, character actions in combat tend to have more to do with personality than powerset. The Justice League animated series handled this quite well, in my opinion - as a few examples, Superman tends to charge in headfirst (and get smacked through walls in the process) because he's self-professed to being the only character who can definitely tank whatever damage the bad guy's putting out, and his priority is ultimately making sure everyone else doesn't die - plus he hasn't quite shaken off the idea that saving the world is his job, and everyone else is doing it more as a hobby but not as good as him. Martian Manhunter is almost as much of a tank as Superman and has about eight more powers, including some really busted ones, but in combat he has a tendency to jump in front of attacks and shield squishier members like Hawkgirl or Flash, often KOing himself in the process. A problem that could be solved with shapeshifting, intangibility or phenomenal psychic powers is a Martian-Manhunter-solvable-problem on paper, but in practice his ultimate priority isn't maximum efficiency, it's protecting everyone else, because the core of his character is overwhelming compassion. And Flash is canonically one of the most overpowered characters power-wise, having basically no upper limit on his speed, but he's way too nice and fun to use his powers in the really busted and potentially nasty ways like shaking things apart or phasing through people, so he mostly runs around and quips and regularly gets one-shotted by rocks and small puddles.

When I'm writing this comic I try to focus on what everyone would do before I ask what they could do under ideal circumstances. Falst and Kendal are both Tough Guys Who Hit Good, but Kendal is a very simple fighter who tends to implacably move in straight lines, while Falst is ultimately motivated by self-preservation and uses more stealth tactics and maneuverability, often escaping his problems rather than defeating them. If the problem du jour is Just Breaking Something they're both gonna be pretty good at it, but Falst would never challenge a god to a fight just to make sure it doesn't focus on anyone else. Falst is also, ironically, a little better at coordinating with a team than Kendal, as Kendal sacrifices potential tactical benefits to make sure nobody else is ever put at risk, while Falst keeps track of everyone's abilities so he knows what assets he has on his side. Alinua can heal me? Great, that means "operation Just Fucking Jump Off This Mountain To Get Away" is a go.

Erin and Alinua have a similar split. They're both fairly OP casters with complex links to living primordials, but Erin is very rigidly compartmentalized while Alinua is entirely working on instinct. Erin casts like he's making moves in a game, Alinua casts like she's extending her body through the ground. This means Alinua's much more flexible in the moment, but Erin is significantly more versatile given enough time to think. Erin also thinks more tactically than Alinua does, trying to map and control the battlefield from above - it's why it frustrates him when things happen too quickly, or when other characters run off on their own when it would be much more advantageous on paper to listen to him. Erin benefits greatly from time to think and plan, while Alinua suffers from the same because of a tendency to overthink. Also their respective primordial links are wildly different in tone and impact, which helps a lot.

Tess and Dainix are both wildcards in their own way. Tess is a full-fledged lightning mage, and on paper could do everything Erin has done with lightning magic so far, but in practice her approach towards magic is closer to Alinua's - treating it more as an extension of her body than a substrate to be controlled or commanded. She's a similar heavy hitter to Kendal and Falst, but is having a lot more fun with it and doesn't have any of Kendal's "nobody dies" angst or Falst's "priority one is survival and it is hard" grievances. She will launch herself headfirst at the problem and she will have a good time doing it - a privilege that comes from being very difficult to hurt. The other two tanks are tough to keep down, but they can still feel it when they get whacked, which tends to sour the mood of a fight. Essentially that split is the difference between a wolverine-style healing factor and a colossus-style set of armor - they're both devastating in a fight, but one of them tends to be a lot grumpier. Tess has an awareness of tactics, but mostly just focuses on her role in those tactics - aka "which thing do you need me to hit and when do you need it hit?"

Dainix is more complicated, and I don't want to go too far into it yet, because at this point we've only seen him fight in less-than-ideal circumstances where his personal choices were limited. I will say that Dainix is a very well-trained monster hunter who understands group tactics better than any other character and tends to cycle through different strategies and tools depending on what kind of problem he's trying to solve - as a basically normal human physicality-wise, he can't really afford to tank big hits or make big mistakes, so he has to be precise with his problem-solving to avoid being instantly taken out of the fight. Of course, the crucible situation shifts that somewhat, but while his powerset has expanded on paper, in practice he has a lot of reason to be wary about it, and strikes me as rather unlikely to immediately toss out his extensive skillset and years of training in favor of a deeply emotionally unpleasant and complex power he only barely understands. It's like if Bruce Banner was a ninja before he became the hulk. He probably wouldn't start solving all his ninja problems by hulking out at them.

I also think it's critically important to not cheat. If a problem could be immediately solved by one of the characters, I either need a really good reason that can't happen (environmental hazard limiting options, character injury, Emotion Stuff) or I need to just let that happen. Refusing to let a character do something they could absolutely do without explanation is the number one way to undercut their perceived abilities. It's the Worf Effect on steroids.

#asks #aurora #behind the curtain

[lavendead]

Okay I love slytherin oisuga as much as the next guy, top tier shit, but suga is not a slytherin. When it comes down to it slytherins have three core traits: cunning, ambition, and self preservation. Suga is incredibly cunning and willing to trick his opponents but that could also be classified as wit which is a ravenclaw trait. He has very little personal ambition and would rather see the team succeed over his own personal success or playing time. He doesn’t care about improving his social standing or improving conditions for himself. His first instinct is to give and that is not slytherin behavior. I would say Suga is a ravenclaw simply because he is tricky and clever but also one of the first things he does in the show is teach and mentor hinata and later kageyama, spreading his knowledge. He becomes a teacher to help others grow and become smarter. Idk y’all but I think that’s very ravenclaw of him.

#i actually feel so strongly about this #please if y’all disagree lmk i wanna know what y’all are seeing that im not #sugawara koushi #suga #haikyuu #my posts

[figurativepieceoftrash]

you are the reason I read vicious and it's one if my fav books now, so I trust your taste. do you have any book recs? 👀👀

Ooh okay, so I don't get to read for fun a lot rn bc I'm in uni, but there are some very amazing books that are incredibly near and dear to my heart, so I hope you'll forgive me if I go a little ham on this. I love excuses to talk about my favorite media, okay?

The Name of the Wind: Okay so apparently this one is a little controversial, so I'll cut straight to the point. I love fantasy, I love complex magic systems, and I love the ambitious narcissistic prodigy archetype who thinks he's far more intelligent and capable than he actually is. The main character of this book is also, for the majority of its bulk, its narrator, and he's a highly unreliable one. While a lot of people find him horribly annoying, he is quite possibly one of my favorite fictional characters of all time. Kvothe has no self-preservation instinct, no common sense, and absolutely refuses to let anyone think they're better than him in any way. More often than not, he's the villain in the narrative (he is the instigator in every fight he's involved in and is quite literally always the origin of his own problems), but from his perspective, through which the story is told, he's the hero. It's a really fun balance to strike, watching Kvothe fuck up terribly and then try to spin the situation in a positive light. He's a very, very exciting protagonist to follow solely because every single story beat leaves you wondering Okay, how the hell is Kvothe going to fuck this one up, and even more important, how does he plan to lie, worm, and wheedle his way out? The story gets a little slow at points, but once it picks up, it doesn't stop, and I never once regretted starting it. 10/10 would (obviously) recommend.

The library at Mount Char: I'm a little on the fence about recommending this one just because of how insanely fucked up it is. Like, seriously, if a trigger warning exists, it definitely applies to this story in some form or fashion. That being said though, it's absolutely insane in the best way possible; it's hilarious, fast-paced, and has a narrative that makes you go back for a reread once you're finished because Oh my God, that's why that happened?! Everything makes sense now! You will absolutely never be bored with this one, I read the whole thing in one sitting on a school night because I just couldn't let my questions go unanswered. Here's the Goodreads summary just because I feel like it's actually a very good description of the basic premise (unlike The Name of the Wind, unfortunately):

A missing God.

A library with the secrets to the universe.

A woman too busy to notice her heart slipping away.

Carolyn's not so different from the other people around her. She likes guacamole and cigarettes and steak. She knows how to use a phone. Clothes are a bit tricky, but everyone says nice things about her outfit with the Christmas sweater over the gold bicycle shorts. After all, she was a normal American herself once.  

That was a long time ago, of course. Before her parents died. Before she and the others were taken in by the man they called Father. In the years since then, Carolyn hasn't had a chance to get out much. Instead, she and her adopted siblings have been raised according to Father's ancient customs. They've studied the books in his Library and learned some of the secrets of his power. And sometimes, they've wondered if their cruel tutor might secretly be God.  Now, Father is missing—perhaps even dead—and the Library that holds his secrets stands unguarded. And with it, control over all of creation.

As Carolyn gathers the tools she needs for the battle to come, fierce competitors for this prize align against her, all of them with powers that far exceed her own. But Carolyn has accounted for this. And Carolyn has a plan. The only trouble is that in the war to make a new God, she's forgotten to protect the things that make her human.

The Magnus Archives: So... haha... yeah... you probably already know about this one, and if so, you definitely know that it isn't a book, but that's actually how I personally consumed it, so I'm saying that it counts. If you somehow haven't heard of this series, it's a British thriller podcast that covers pretty much every type of horror in the book. If you've got trouble focusing on audio like I do, there exist free transcripts online that are criminally bingeable; this is another series that I read over the course of a period far shorter than it was ever intended to be read. Don't spoil yourself at all for this one if you've never heard of it, it's definitely best to go in completely blind like I did.

Okay, so that's pretty much it for me! If you want more reccs, I'd suggest webcomics or animation, as I actually engage with these regularly enough to think up more than three (two?) when put on the spot lol. Either way thanks so much for the opportunity to ramble about this stuff, I really enjoyed it and hope you like at least one of the properties on this list!

#book reccs #goobshark #ask tag

[ask-mighteeone]

What is the opinion of Yun-Jin Lee and Ji-Woon Hak of each survivor?

((Alright this was a long one. Under the cut for the answers! Yun Jin will answer first in italics, then Ji-Woon will answer. This is all general headcanon and not at all directed at any other RP or Ask blogs.))

How do Yun Jin Lee and Ji-Woon Hak feel about each of the survivors?

Dwight Fairfield: “His lack of true confidence is a hindrance at times. Though I suppose I respect him for trying and not simply laying down and hiding.” // “He’s fun to play with. His screams are so sweet!”

Meg Thomas: “She’s a determined girl. I like that about her.” // “She’s hard to catch, but that makes it so much more gratifying when I finally do get my hands on her.”

Claudette Morel: “She’s too soft.” // “She’s easy to exploit, if she’s with the right people.”

Jake Park: “I respect Jake. He knows his strengths and executes his part well.” // “So stoic… I’ll break him someday.”

Nea Karlsson: “Does she think the Entity’s realm is a game?” // “Fun to play with. She’s so mad when she loses!”

Laurie Strode: “She’s a true survivor, and has taught me much since I arrived here.” // “Tch. She’s a pain.”

Ace Visconti: “Where Dwight lacks confidence, Ace has too much confidence. He’s an idiot.” // “In another life, he would have been interesting to meet. Maybe he could have taught me to play poker?”

Bill Overbeck: "Truly a shame he's known little but worlds full of suffering." // "I need to keep my eye on him or he might surprise me during a trial."

Feng Min: “I don’t respect her lax attitude towards our situation. This is serious.” // “Gamer girl thinks this is one of her tournaments she can win? I’d like to see her try and beat me.”

David King: “His first instinct is to fight the killer. Fool.” // “Meathead.”

Quentin Smith: “The fact he’s here at all shows how cruel the Entity is. I feel sorry for him.” // “The Nightmare likes him. I don’t see why. Completely average.”

David Tapp: “Another one to learn much from. Much like Ms. Strode, I stay close to him.” // “He’s not my survivor to torment, but that doesn’t stop me from trying.”

Kate Denson: “The others find her songs inspiring. I don’t.” // “Songbird reminds me of one of my old bandmates…”

Adam Francis: “It is truly unfortunate he got pulled into this world. He deserves much better.” // “He’s tricky, but he can’t outrun me and that’s all that matters.”

Jeff Johansen: “I feel no strong feelings about him. He’s rather quiet.” // “Not as tough as he looks. Or maybe I’m just better than him.”

Jane Romero: “Ms. Romero is an excellent teacher and has a good head on her shoulders.” // “Her and her stupid locker tricks… She makes me wish I didn’t have to reload.”

Ash Williams: “He’s...quirky.” // “He’s weird.”

Nancy Wheeler: “A bright young girl.” // “I find her in lockers a lot.”

Steve Harrington: “Is there such a thing as being too much of a team player? If so, that would be him.” // “His altruism lands him in bad situations-- ones I like to exploit.”

Yui Kimura: “Another one I greatly respect. Ms. Kimura is a fighter.” // “Too cocky, I like to put her in her place.”

Zarina Kassir: “She has valuable skills, if only she’d use them for self preservation more often…” // “

Cheryl Mason: “She’s been through worse horrors than the Entity’s realm. I can’t imagine living the life she has.” // “She’s not scared of me and that bothers me… But I’ll make her scared in time.”

Felix Richter: "He has good skills and is easy to learn from." // "He's so painfully boring."

Elodie Rakoto: “Her knowledge is invaluable to getting us all out of here alive.” // “She makes beautiful music when I hook her.”

Yun Jin Lee: // “My favorite producer! I love messing with Yun Jin. But don't tell her that, it'll be our secret, okay?”

Jill Valentine: “Ms. Valentine is most certainly an equal. I greatly respect her.” // “She’s a pain to deal with.”

Leon S. Kennedy: “Kennedy was useful in teaching me to use flashbangs. I repaid him by teaching him to use pallets to further his survival.” // “I’m not sure who I dislike more, him or Valentine.”

#ask reply #headcanon

[sou-ver-2-0]

What do you think of the Push Fake Reko(Save Reko) or Spare her(Save Alice) choice as it relates to the themes of logic vs. emotion? My one friend views Reko as the more emotion leaning one since thats the only why she and Alice can potentially make up. But I think it's more logical since to do that you push Fake!Reko to her death because she's obly a doll, even though she's begging for her life.

Why pushing Fake Reko is logical and sparing her is emotional

This is a fantastic question. I was thinking about it for days after you sent it in, going back and forth. The "push or spare Fake Reko" choice feels a bit messier than other logic/emotion choices, such as "kill Kai (logic) or kill Sou (emotion)" in the First Main Game, or "kill Kanna (logic) or kill Sou (emotion)" in the Second Main Game. That's partially because, as you mentioned, this choice ends up determining the fates of the real Yabusame siblings rather than Fake Reko and Gin, whose fates are sealed. Unlike other choices, Sara can't anticipate the consequences. This makes it tricky to analyze in hindsight, since we're influenced by the unexpected outcomes. That's what your friend was doing by looking at the emotional results of pushing Fake Reko. I sympathize with your friend because I also want to analyze the complete story, but I still think it's most important to analyze Sara's mindset in the moment of the choice itself. That's why I argued that killing Kanna was logical for Sara, even though a genre-savvy player might logically assume that killing a child could lead to a bad ending. We need to be able to set aside our greater knowledge as players, and put ourselves in Sara's shoes.

Another reason this choice feels different from other choices in YTTD is because it has almost nothing to do with Sara's self-preservation. Instead, this choice is based on a more philosophical question: how do we measure the humanity of a robot doll? And there's another question baked into this choice as well: are we willing to become a murderer to save a human child? Can we rationally justify this murder?

I recently played through this choice, and after reviewing the narrative, I came to the same conclusion as you did: I think it's logical to push Fake Reko, and emotional to spare her. 

Fake Reko makes an emotional appeal to save her life. She says that she has suffered. She says that she considered Sara a real friend. She sings a beautiful song full of emotion. Even though Sara can logically trap Fake Reko by pointing out that the real Reko wouldn't have sung that song, that only proves that Real Reko and Fake Reko are different people. It's much more difficult to prove that Fake Reko doesn't have a right to live, because Fake Reko's robotic heart still feels real. Even if we rationalize that she's "only a doll," my heart still wants to save Fake Reko.

When Fake Reko sings, the game's dialogue reinforces that Sara is being swayed emotionally to save Fake Reko. Sara's heart connects with Fake Reko's song, even as her mind reels to prove that she's different from Real Reko.

(I've never heard a song from Reko's band, so I can't compare her singing with the real deal...)

(Even so... Could a doll perform vocals so full of emotion...?!)

However, what fully sold me on my interpretation of this choice was hearing from Mr. Emotion and Mr. Logic themselves. This is how Sou and Keiji react to Fake Reko's emotional defense of her own life.

Sou: ...Doesn't feel good. Why is she able to cry, too...? She's basically a human at this point.

Keiji: Is this...part of the emotion program, too?

Notice that Sou talks about his feelings. He says out loud that killing Fake Reko "doesn't feel good." He connects with Fake Reko's ability to cry, and he ends by affirming her humanity. Sou's sprite is also clearly distressed.

Meanwhile, Keiji asks a logical question that would affirm Fake Reko's robotic nature. Yes, she may feel like a human, but we can still rationalize that she's not. Even though Keiji looks bothered, his expression is more muted than Sou's. 

We also have Kanna's emotional outburst.

Kanna: Awful... Awful! Isn't this just too cruel...? If she has a heart... and feelings... then she's no different from a human!!

Kanna is an emotional character like Sou. I believe that Kanna is the character most like young Shin Tsukimi. The meaning of Kanna's words is the same as Sou's words, but expressed more strongly. Additionally, Kanna's expression is even more despairing than Sou's face, with tears streaming down her face.

When I pictured Kanna, Sou, and Keiji in Sara's place, it became clear to me that sparing Fake Reko was emotional while pushing her was logical. 

If Kanna was there, I don't think she could do it. Killing Fake Reko would be too heavy a burden on her young heart. She knows it's wrong and her heart screams at the injustice. All Kanna can do is offer up her own life in the event that Gin is about to be executed. She asks Ranger to take her instead. That's extremely brave of her, but ultimately ineffective since it's against the rules.

If Sou was there, I think he could do it, but he would hesitate for a long time, and he would probably cry. Sou is capable of making difficult choices and doing what needs to be done, but he would still connect emotionally with Fake Reko. Sou and Fake Reko actually parallel each other as "the harsh part of yourself who would kill the kind part of yourself to survive." When Nao calls out Fake Reko's threats against her and Sara as a bluff--Nao states that Fake Reko couldn't kill anyone she considers a friend--I believe that statement applies to Sou as well. Both Sou and Fake Reko are less tough than they appear; they'd rather kill themselves than someone they love. (Sou metaphorically kills himself and Fake Reko literally kills her other self, but Sou won't hurt Kanna, and Fake Reko won't hurt Nao or Sara.) Killing Fake Reko would be difficult for Sou, but I think he would still make the same hard choices as Nao. Especially if he was motivated to preserve Kanna's innocence, much like Nao was motivated to preserve Sara's innocence.

If Keiji was there, I think he would bury his guilt and he wouldn't hesitate for long. Keiji is the most jaded character with a heavily burdened heart. He's already killed his childhood hero and his ex-coworker, so shouldn't killing a robot woman be easier to justify than either of those? Keiji is the best at rationalizing and prioritizing the greater good. In this case, the greater good means killing a robot doll to save a human child. I also think that Keiji is a responsible, brave sort who would prefer to take on this burden himself, rather than let somebody more innocent suffer through this choice. I imagine such logical thoughts would spur on Keiji to be the quickest to push Fake Reko to her death.

That's why I believe pushing Fake Reko is logical while sparing her is emotional. You need to be able to set aside your feelings in order to kill Fake Reko. You need to be able to rationalize and think of the greater good. Emotional characters would struggle more with this choice because our hearts insist that Fake Reko deserves to live, even if she's different. Recognizing our common humanity with "different" people, especially vulnerable people, is a good moral instinct. She still feels "basically a human." Can we ignore that injustice in order to rescue Gin?

I'll share a few final thoughts about this choice.

Another tragedy at the heart of this puzzle is that it was designed by a doll, Rio Ranger. Rio Ranger is a doll with an inferiority complex who feels jealous of humans. His own solution to this puzzle--the humans have to kill a doll to save one of their own--feels like a way of justifying his own hatred of humans. Obviously the nicest solution to this puzzle would be if we could convince Rio Ranger that we recognize dolls' humanity, but Rio Ranger is an unfinished doll who can't feel compassion, so we can't reach him.

Finally, I want to discuss the cathartic reunion scene between Real Reko and Alice in the event that Alice dies. Since the only way to get a cathartic scene after the Sou-Kanna choice is to choose "emotion," I understand why your friend would think that pushing Reko must be the emotional choice. However, I think the parallel between these cathartic scenes is more complex than simply choosing logic or emotion. Both cathartic scenes reward you for two things:

Sara chooses to save a child, the most vulnerable among us. Either Gin or Kanna.

Sara helps a guilty man along the path of redemption. In the first case, she must help Alice try to reconcile with Reko in his bongos sidequest, which is the only way to trigger the bittersweet reunion scene. In the second case, she helps Shin save a little girl and become himself again.

Protecting the most vulnerable and giving the guilty a second chance are what really matter here. Even though pushing Fake Reko is logical and killing Shin/Sou is emotional, Sara is still making the same kind of moral decisions.

Thank you for the stellar question, Anon.

#your turn to die #yttd #kimi ga shine #reko yabusame #alice yabusame #your turn to die spoilers #sou hiyori #keiji shinogi #kanna kizuchi #shin tsukimi #rio ranger #fake reko #mine #meta #asks #I'm really proud of this one :)

[zaritarazi]

002 with mixen <3

002 | send me a ship and I will tell you:

when i started shipping it: okay so i went deep into my archives and i found my first mixen gifset, here, from october 26, 2016. it is then followed by this gifset from october 28, 2016, a complete stroke of genius i’d forgotten about. and HERE is the first post i made about them while watching legends, also from october 28th, 2016. i’m assuming that the clip of her trying to kill him was released as a preview which is why the gifset predates the text post. so then in november 2016 is good it’s not really ramped up yet and then we get the chicago way and that, in a lot of ways, changed my life? for the better? unclear. am i being sarcastic? also unclear. there’s just so much about it that did me in. first the “i’m clyde that’s bonnie” because s3 of dusk had JUST ended and that was a RAW fucking nerve. just the exact shit i was looking for. the scene where mick puts his finger to his lips while looking at amaya’s mouth and you just know he’s internally like i am... going to hell. i am GOING to hell. amaya kissing him on the CHEEK? [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] and the real piece de resistance was len descending from the ceiling shrieking in gay rage like. that’s what really solidified mick’s relationship with amaya to me: he was willing to defend her to literally, literally his husband. he says amaya is his ONLY friend because leonard is GONE, implying that amaya is len’s EQUAL in mick’s eyes. mick is a complex character and he’s actually very sensitive but when we had him in season 1, he came as a packaged set with len. and he grew and formed new relationships and listen we all know i can and will ship mick with anyone dominic purcell this is a threat but amaya is, in canon, not just implied by dominic’s choices for the character, the time where mick is declaring his affection for someone out loud. and i also want to reflect on like. leonard, be he real or be he a figment of mick’s mind, despite being WILDLY jealous of amaya, had one goal in that episode: to keep mick alive. like mick was so reckless in season two and with amaya he seems to finally almost want to... pull back? he tells leonard “i’ll be dead like you” which says he isn’t objecting to the idea of being dead, but that amaya is giving him something that makes life exciting, and he’d rather have that than fall into his old self-preservation instincts. you can MARK that mick starts trying to die less after the chicago way until len comes back in the world war i episode.  like i guess i started shipping mixen when they became the epitome of “god said love your enemy so i obeyed her and i loved myself” are you HAPPY? is this what you WANTED? 

-

my thoughts: you accidentally had a baby with him. i am the reason he is able to feel love. we are not the same

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what makes me happy about them: as much as i’ve focused on amaya’s positive impact on mick i want to emphasize that this is a two way street because mick is someone who taught amaya to embrace herself and what makes her happy. amaya has so much pressure riding on her shoulders and mick is never deterred by it. amaya has always been brilliant beautiful incredible etc but when we first meet her in s2 she is so tightly wound and she is so in the mold of what she thinks she needs to be and what she thinks the legacy of the anansi totem requires of her and when she’s around mick she realizes she can be... amaya. just amaya. like did she say to mick “what would a criminal do” because she was being horny on main? yes. but she also did it because she was genuinely open to learning how he saw the world. like it’s truly incredible that amaya meets mick and in the span of 30 minutes is like actually, mick is the most interesting and enticing person i have ever met and  [mick’s certainty of going to hell intensifies] but actually there are just little things they do even when they don’t like each other that show a certain level of respect- mick tells amaya he’s not an idiot and amaya tells him not to call her “girlie” so amaya actually spends the rest of their relationship uplifting mick’s ideas and his accomplishments and mick POINTEDLY never gives amaya a nickname. the nickname one is especially funny bc i geniunely think she just didn’t like “girlie” and may have been fine with a different nickname but like. the fact that mick remembers to NOT give her a nickname EVER when everyone else gets one? the way he paid attention to amaya and respected what she was saying? the way they could be open with each other? like okay they weren’t canon-canon but a part of me is glad bc. this ship was originally marc’s idea and what is legends s2 if not phil and marc fighting for control of the story like the one ring? if marc had been allowed to make them romantic i fear he would’ve done his normal bullshit that he does with his couples where basically mick never changes in a positive way and keeps chipping away at parts of amaya until she feels like she is at “his level” and then he essentially takes over the rest of the parts of her life he hadn’t already taken control of and just, disgusting. like let me be clear on mick rory’s worst day he is still a better person than oliver queen on his best day i don’t care if he’s roasting people alive he is STILL a better person. but with that relationship choice being taken out of marc’s hands, we instead get a relationship where amaya offers mick the starting blocks to build himself UP, and he takes them and is able to keep building himself even without fully relying on her. when he tells her in season 3 “we’ve all done things we’re not proud of” and she just brightens so immediately, and the same thing happens in the pirate episode - and he is able to do these things for her because he let her help him, but did not make her his only lifeline. the person mick is in s3 onward is a person he feels better about being because amaya has always seen good in him and like. not to be dramatic but i am literally, literally crumbling into ash as we speak

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what makes me sad about them: FROM SEASON 4 ONWARD SHE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE AND MICK IS JUST LEFT WITH ALL THE FUCKING EMOTIONS SHE MADE HIM FEEL AND THE WAYS SHE HELPED HIM AND ALL HE CAN DO IS TRY TO KEEP HER ALIVE, IN HIS MIND AT LEAST, BY HELPING PEOPLE (CHARLIE AND MONA) THE WAY AMAYA HELPED HIM. 

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things done in fanfic that annoys me: i have no issue with mixen being in fic with OTHER ships but to my fucking detriment it always seems to be a secondary pairing in captain canary fics and like 1. hate crime 2. mick is a bisexual he can have a husband and a wife he can have them at the same time he can have them at separate times but if you’re writing capcan i’m assuming you have a heterosexual agenda and i want that kept away from ships i like at ALL times

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things I look for in fanfic: a genuine understanding of mick’s character. he can be kind of tricky to strike a balance with but you can just tell when he’s being written too aggressively or when he’s being written just as too much of a bastard or a former criminal and like, i also look for amaya not being helpless and emotional bc quite frankly mick is way more expressive emotionally than amaya and it is so vital that this is understood. also if it’s sad i like to read it and then cry myself to sleep

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who i’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: OKAY FINE nate for either. nate for both! final ot3 of nate/amaya/mick is good, pure, canon supported, and legally required. but also amaya with zari 1.0 and mick with ray or, honestly? zari 2.0. DON’T @ ME

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My happily ever after for them: they just get to like. live life together. mick takes in ese as one of his own and amaya does the same for lita and they have a 3rd child together that’s in the bible look it up but like. not giving up the time traveling life and the heroics and the adventures fully but being a family even when their kids grow up and they can be old together even if it’s them popping on and off the waverider sometimes together sometimes they do their own thing always put the kids first and sure mick has 22 wonderful years on amaya but he’s on a timeship he can wait for her to catch up so they can get old-old together. also nate is there romantically, sexually, raising the children, let’s have mick and nate make a fourth child, this is absolutely non-negotiable

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who is the big spoon/little spoon: amaya is AGGRESSIVELY the little spoon. like flinging herself into mick’s arms and like HOLD ME and mick just reflexively wrapping his arms around her bc she small. sof. smells nice. pretty

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what is their favorite non-sexual activity: amaya like why be having not-sex when you could be having sex? and mick like i don’t know. sleeping? photography? long drives? (it’s long drives & going to museums don’t @ me)

#mixen #legends of tomorrow #lot headcanon #steelvixenwave #long post #i went off the rails I'M SORRY I FEEL DEEPLY #like i love zari 1.0 but i feel like the questions on hers didn't lend themselves to deeper answers like these did? and sometimes i just ge #don't sue me #dykerory #asks

[whentherewerebicycles]

Hi! I really hope this isn’t overstepping but I don’t know any grown up lesbians irl (I mean I’m 23 so I guess technically I’m a grown up but for the purposes of this question it doesn’t count). Anyway, you can delete this if you want, but here’s the sitch: I met this girl like 9 months ago at work and first we hated each other and then we became friends and then we started hooking up but just as friends. I’m leaving this job in a few weeks and moving across the country, and I’m having all sorts of complicated feelings about this. Like, I don’t really want to date her, but we haven’t hooked up lately and i think I’m experiencing that as a kind of rejection of me as a friend even tho we’re still friends and do friend stuff together, just minus the kissing. And those rejection-feelings are making me sad. And I guess my question is, since you seem like someone who is really good at processing emotions and sort of regulating your responses—how do I do that? Like how do I become okay with things, especially things that I didn’t think would happen? I’m sorry I know that’s really broad and not really an answerable thing but if you have any advice I would really appreciate it. Thank you

aww it's not overstepping! i am happy to be a Grownup IRL Lesbian in this situation, although yknow take everything with a grain of salt as i am just one person and this is just one perspective. it sounds like there are a couple things at play here... one has to do with communication between the two of you and one has to do with emotional self-regulation. the communication piece i have historically been less adept at handling than the emotional self-regulation piece, but i have a best friend who is very good at it, and i feel like i have learned a lot from watching her navigate these kinds of emotionally sticky situations. so i will tell you what i think she would do -- and i will also tell you that historically, while communicating clearly with people has not always gotten her the outcome that she wanted, she always seems to feel a LOT better for having done it, and it clears the way for her to do the emotional self-regulating part more easily without having to also wade through lots of emotional projecting / attempts at reading the other person's mind.

it sounds like the way this relationship started (because it IS a relationship, even if it's not a capital R relationship) may have laid the groundwork for what's happening now. you say you hated each other at first, so you probably didn't feel comfortable or at ease around each other, and you may have established a pattern of not treating each other with special consideration or thoughtfulness (even if you aren't outright antagonistic towards each other). i'm also assuming (though correct me if i'm wrong?) that the transition into being friends who hook up probably wasn't discussed much at the outset or was treated as a casual thing that didn't need a lot of communication or clear boundaries (since it wasn't a capital R relationship). that kind of thing happens! i think it especially happens in your early 20s (and maybe also in situations where the two women involved don't have a lot of experience dating women or navigating that tricky 'are we friends or...?' kinda thing). but, again, it seems like it might be laying the groundwork for what's happening right now, where one person has withdrawn without explaining why, and the other person is left feeling rejected or confused about what's happening. it also doesn't sound like you think of this as something that could be resolved between the two of you -- you're asking for advice on how to manage your own feelings about the situation, rather than advice on how to address it with her.

from ten years of observing my best friend, i have found that she tends to operate according to the following principles:

ask the person in advance if you can have a conversation with them about something that's bothering you (instead of springing it on them in a social situation when they're not expecting it). it doesn't have to be a big serious We Need to Talk thing. you can make it clear that you're coming into it from a casual, friendly, 'can we try to work this out together' place, not from an attacking place (so as to avoid making the other person defensive)

have the conversation in person instead of over text (it's awkward but trust me TRUST ME it's better)

don't assume that you know what the other person is thinking or why they're acting the way they are. use "I" statements and try to frame things in ways that defuse tension and don't put the other person on the defensive. in your situation, you could say something like, "hey, so, I've noticed that we aren't really hooking up anymore. i respect your choices, and i'm completely okay with that if it's what you want to do. but i've been feeling kind of mixed up and sad about it, i was wondering if we could talk about what the next few weeks of our friendship are going to be like." you can also ask open-ended, nonjudgmental questions: "would you feel more comfortable not hooking up anymore, since i'm about to move?" "would you still like to hang out even if we're not going to be hooking up?" and you can voice your own preferences too - "i'd really like to keep hanging out, but it would help me feel better/more secure to know what you're thinking re: hooking up again," or even "i think it's getting harder for me to separate my feelings about the friendship from the hooking up - i think it might be better for us to stop hanging out."

think about what you want the result of the conversation to be -- not necessarily your most desired outcome, but what your priorities are re: the relationship and your personal needs for closure. you can go into a conversation hoping for a certain outcome ("i hope she says it was just a mistake, apologies, and says she wants to keep hooking up until i leave") but you have no control over whether or not you get that outcome, and you may just be setting yourself up for disappointment. what you can do, though, is set priorities for yourself, so that in the conversation, you are making choices or discussing things in a way that aligns with those longer-term goals. an example of that kind of priority might be something like - "I don't really need to keep in touch with this person after I move, but I want to leave on a good note - so I want to prioritize keeping the conversation positive and friendly, without either of us resorting to the animosity we used to feel towards each other when we first met." or you might set a priority like, "I actually do want to maintain this friendship in some form, and to do that I need to feel like we can be comfortable enough with each other talking to each other openly. I don't know how she'll respond or if preserving the relationship will be important to her at all, but I want to prioritize clearly sharing my own needs and feelings, giving her the opportunity to respond in kind, and modeling what i hope our friendship could look like going forward." getting clear in your own mind about your priorities in advance is different from attempting to emotionally project onto the other person or to control/manipulate their actions in some way. it's something that prepares you to communicate well with another person, but at its core it's an emotional self-regulation strategy -- a way for you to check in with yourself and decide in advance what your 'values' for the conversation are going to be. in the middle of the conversation, you may start feeling defensive, angry, hurt, rejected, or some other Big Feeling that causes you to want to react instinctively and impulsively, or makes it more likely that you'll cave on something you don't really want to cave on. doing some of this thinking beforehand gives you something to refer back to when you're feeling emotionally overwhelmed in the middle of a difficult conversation.

remember that you can only regulate the way you act and respond in a situation. so your priorities can be not just about your hopes for the tone of the conversation or the longer-term outcomes, but also about how you want to respond if things don't go well. poor communicators often tend to interpret attempts to openly, directly communicate or to set boundaries as an attack of some kind or an attempt to manipulate the situation. if she's not a very good communicator, it's possible that she might respond negatively to your attempts to have a calm, direct conversation -- whether it's by lashing out, dismissing or invalidating your feelings, changing the subject, stonewalling you, or trying to turn the situation around on you to make it somehow your fault. remember that if someone is violating your boundaries or making you feel shitty about yourself, you can always leave the conversation. it's not you failing as a communicator -- it's that the other person just isn't able to communicate with you in a healthy, productive way. i feel like when i was first dating women (and navigating breakups or complicated conversations like this one), i used to get sucked into these long, drawn-out processing conversations, which would sometimes last for hours and could be really painful. and i always used to think that to communicate well, or to be a respectful partner, i owed it to the other person to sit there and listen to everything they wanted to say to me, even if it was really cruel or was upsetting me. or if i was breaking up with someone, i owed it to them to answer every single angry or hurt question they asked me, because i was "hurting" them by breaking up with them, and so they were entitled to hurting me back or to dragging me through hours of processing. but that is NOT the case. not to traffic in stereotypes too much, but i think that women are socialized to feel like extensive emotional processing is always required / necessary, that we owe other people our undivided emotional energy and time, and that setting reasonable boundaries or calmly stating our needs is somehow "hurting" or inconveniencing other people in some way. this is simply not true. you have an ethical obligation to respect other people's autonomy and human dignity, and you have the right to expect that they communicate with and treat you with that same basic respect. watching my bff communicate has helped me realize that setting healthy boundaries (and then clearly demonstrating that you will honor those boundaries, by removing yourself from the situation if they are violated) is a way of showing respect to yourself and can also be important for the other person to see. like, way too often poor communicators are rewarded for poor or immature communication by getting what they want from the other person -- whether it's wanting the other person to fight back, or seeing the other person be visibly hurt/filled with self-doubt, or successfully manipulating the other person into doing what they want. every time you let people violate your boundaries, you positively reinforce the idea that emotionally manipulative or disrespectful behavior gets them what they want. by choosing to leave, or knowing where your own emotional boundaries are and having a plan for what you'll do if they're violated, you can protect yourself while also avoiding inadvertently providing that positive reinforcement. btw i don't necessarily anticipate that all of this stuff will be relevant in your situation! but i think it's good to keep in mind, especially if there's a history of antagonism there in the early stages of your friendship. also it's just good Lesbian Dating 101 knowledge to have in general, i think! again, not to generalize too much, but i think that women dating other women can be especially prone to really complicated, painful, emotionally manipulative dynamics, in part because our society teaches women that it is dangerous, unattractive, pushy, selfish, etc to clearly express our feelings/needs and enforce healthy boundaries. not to mention that lesbians and bisexual

women are also more likely to have issues with internalized homophobia, shame, etc, which may cause us to develop lots of maladaptive coping mechanisms, which in turn can further distort our ability to be honest with ourselves about our feelings/needs and to clearly communicate with others. so yknow! as you continue to date and sleep with women i think it's good to be working on your shit while also being attuned to signs that someone else is working through (or avoiding working through) their own shit.

also remember that, while it's good to be prepared for worst-case or most stressful outcomes, it's also very possible that having an open, nondefensive, nonjudgmental conversation with her will work! it's very possible that it will go well, that you will work things out in a way that makes you both feel better about each other and about the situation, and that she will take your good communicator cues and respond to you with the same openness and respect you are extending to her. so i wouldn't go into it expecting things to go badly!

anyway to sum all of that up: i do think that my advice would first be to try having a conversation with your friend/casual partner -- and i would especially recommend approaching this conversation not as a Huge Emotional Thing but as a good, low-stakes situation where you can practice your open communication skills! the fact that you are moving in a few weeks imposes natural parameters around this situation, so you don't have to worry about, like, seeing her at work for years to come, or moving in the same social circles as her. i think that can kinda free you up emotionally to take a communication 'risk' or to try something that's a little bit outside of your comfort zone. and whether that conversation goes well or not so well, the experience of reflecting on your priorities for the conversation, making choices in the conversation that align with those priorities, and reflecting back on how it went afterwards can be a really good, really important learning experience. if you can start practicing these things at 23, you will be SO far ahead of where i was at that age, lol, and you really will benefit from having these strategies in your relationship/friendship toolkit.

to get to the question of emotional processing and self-reflection, though, here's how i think i would handle this situation.

first and most importantly: make space for yourself to feel the bad feelings. don't try to downplay or compartmentalize or dismiss what you're experiencing. if you feel sad, rejected, and confused, make space for yourself to really feel those feelings and to acknowledge to yourself that they are real, and they hurt. i often do this in writing (private writing rather than tumblr writing) but i also do it out loud, and i find that saying it aloud can really help me feel that sense of relief/release. a couple months ago a thing happened that really bothered me & made me feel very ashamed and small and embarrassed. and i just spent that morning in my apartment writing through the feelings, and then saying aloud to myself: "I feel really bad right now. I feel really embarrassed, and I feel shame - ie I'm not just embarrassed about something I did; I feel embarrassed right now by who I am as a person. It feels really bad. It makes me feel really small. It stirs up a lot of painful past memories where I've felt like this before, and it's really hard for me right now to not link this situation to those past situations, and to tell myself a story about how I have always been the kind of person other people perceive as too much."

you will absolutely cry a lot, if you are anything like me! but it is a good, cathartic kind of crying. It doesn't exorcise or expel those feelings, but putting them out there in the open allows you to look at them clearly, and to put them outside of yourself instead of doing the shame thing where you repress them and internalize them. internalized shame, for me, always feels like it is literally internalized in my body. repressing or avoiding voicing feelings of shame doesn't make it go away; it just gets internalized as physical tension, like literally stored in my muscles (tight jaw, hunched shoulders, constricted chest, etc). voicing the feeling aloud and letting yourself cry through it (or however you let yourself process big painful feelings) releases that tension, and means that i don't literally "carry it" in my frame like i used to.

when i've let myself feel the big feelings, i start doing something that i think of as bathing myself in acceptance and compassion. this is kind of a metaphor, but i also try to use it as a visualization, kinda? i think of shame and feelings of rejection are emotional experiences that flood my body/mind/senses. so i try to visualize acceptance and self-compassion in a similar but slightly different way. flooding is so violent and is something you have no control over. bathing can similarly 'drench' you in a whole-body feeling, but for me it has connotations of consciously chosen tenderness and care. instead of opening the floodgates of negative feelings, you are choosing to gently care for yourself, to bathe yourself in acceptance and compassion. if i am really really upset about something, and am really having a hard time with shame-flooding, i will sometimes sit in a quiet place somewhere, close my eyes, and actually say those words aloud to myself -- I am bathing myself in accepting and compassion. I am bathing myself in acceptance and compassion -- as I try to visualize those feelings of compassion, permission to feel what i feel, and nonjudgmental acceptance just gently washing over me, again and again. i usually cry some more! i am a big advocate for crying all the time as part of healthy emotional processing! but it really does seem to work, to soothe my flooded brain/body back to a state of calm equilibrium.

at this point, i usually am feeling calm enough that i can look at the situation again and think about it in a less visceral emotional-response way. i've cleared time/space for myself to feel the bad feelings, and then i've consciously chosen to honor those feelings and to make it clear to myself that i'm not going to judge myself harshly or critically, either for feeling what i feel or for whatever i did/failed to do in the original situation that prompted the bad feelings. doing that emotional processing work seems to allow me to reengage the prefrontal cortex and look more carefully at the situation. i tend to do a lot more writing (and some talking-aloud) at this stage, and i try to ask myself lots of open-ended, exploratory questions. when i was very upset and ashamed of the thing that happened a couple months ago, here are some of the questions I asked myself and spent time writing through:

why do I think that situation triggered such a strong emotional response in me?

what was i imagining the other person was thinking about the situation or about me? what are some reasons that upset or distressed me?

i noticed that i started immediately linking this situation to past situations where i've felt the same way. is it possible that the intensity of my response might have less to do with this specific situation, and more to do with other situations it reminded me of?

when i was awash in those shame feelings & linking the situation to past situations, what kind of narrative was i constructing about myself? what story was i telling myself about the kind of person I "am" or have always been?

looking at the same set of facts, can i construct an alternative story about who i am/have been? my initial narrative was really focused on my negative traits and negative past experiences. what would it look like to tell myself a story that centered the ways in which i've grown and changed, or a story that incorporated both traits i like in myself and traits i am less proud of? what might those alternative stories offer that my original story left out?

what could i learn from this experience? without resorting to self-criticism or self-judgment, are there things i might want to do differently when i find myself in this situation again? what choices could i make that might better align with my values or my understanding of the kind of person i want to be in the world? without shifting blame onto the other person, is there anything i can learn from the way they responded -- about how i want to treat others (or avoid treating them) when we're in some kind of conflict with each other?

i really cannot stress how crucial it is for me to actually carve out the time/space to do this kind of deep, sustained emotional processing. in my own emotional history, the things that i have struggled most to get over/move past/grow beyond are the things that i initially brushed off, or told myself were too trivial to feel bad about, or actively repressed because at the time they felt too raw and painful for me to look at or handle directly.

i was just thinking earlier this week about that whole embarrassing / painful experience, and sort of marveling at how easy it is for me now to think about it without feeling it like a wound, or without my mind instinctively trying to deflect or evade thinking about it. looking back at it, i can still see exactly why it caused me pain, and i can still remember/access what that hurt felt like. but i created space for myself to deeply process it -- that is, space to actually acknowledge the feelings; to extend acceptance and compassion to myself for what was past/over; to openly explore what the situation made me feel and why; and to reflect on what i could learn from the experience or take with me moving forward (ie, consciously choosing what i wanted to carry with me from the situation, instead of involuntarily carrying the shame, tension, etc in my body). and that processing allowed me to integrate that painful experience into my sense of who i am and how i relate to other people, in a healthy way that doesn't deny the pain but also doesn't let it become all-consuming, or assume outsize importance in the stories I tell myself about myself.

I'm sorry this got so long! i just really do enjoy and value getting to think aloud about this kind of thing, so thank you for the chance to do so. I don't know how much of this advice will be directly relevant to your situation! I think everybody processes things differently, and while we can learn from closely attending to other people's methods, we all have to figure out how to create and consistently practice healthy coping mechanisms that fit our individual temperament & emotional histories. but i hope that this at least gives you some starting points for thinking about how you might work through your own complicated emotional situation, in a way that feels healthy for you. i wish you the very best of luck!!

#mw #long post #communication #emotions! #just a lil snapshot of the inside of my brain #the jes emotional experience