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tetsuskei · 3 months

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lust for life - zhongli [nsfw]

synopsis: your first time with the geo archon leads to a riveting adventure that you never dreamed of, but also don’t regret

notes: this is the first time i’m writing for zhongli and genshin, so please be nice. i apologize for anything potentially ooc. i’m learning. :]

warnings: praise kink, dragon tendencies (?), unprotected sex, pet names, zhongli is called morax, lana del rey song title, body worship, liyue archon quest spoilers

word count: 2.4k

interactions and comments appreciated!

being in a relationship with zhongli is exhilarating. it is calm and a rush all at the same time. invigorating, perhaps.

liyue, the city of contracts, is always bustling with something new and exciting each day. the harbor specifically hails as a place that showcases the customs and traditions in the most beautiful ways.

the smell of freshly made grilled tiger-fish and chopped suey perfuming the air, and the shine of the beautifully crafted kites the nice old lady sells only make up a few traits the harbor carries. there’s also the bustle of the shops, selling different types of flowers and fruits and jewels ranging from jade to lapis.

as much as liyue is your home, there couldn’t be a better place of solace than in your boyfriend.

over the course of knowing him, he’s taught and shown you many things. and one of those things just happens to be the way of love. you have never been that involved before in a romantic relationship before he came along. but once he did, you could barely remember what life was like before him.

being that zhongli is now ‘mortal’, there are many things about him that still stand out from regular human beings. of course, this all makes sense when considering his reptilian nature at hand.

his eyes, a piercing aurelian color are a stark contrast to any other pair you’ve seen. they closely resemble two pieces of raw cor lapis.

the man is large—not necessarily very muscular, but lean and slender in all the right ways. he’s also a lot taller than the average person, having you crane your head up at times just to hold decent eye contact with him.

you often were bashful and easily embarrassed in front of zhongli, but he only ever has been very understanding and patient. a wise and well respected man with an eclectic taste for history and knowledge. there’s nothing about him that isn’t amazing.

“is this okay?”

zhongli’s voice breaks you from your thoughts. the gravel of it warms your tummy and sends shivers down your spine. his eyes seem to be looking through you in tantalizing yet understanding way.

“you seem conflicted over something. what’s troubling your mind, darling?” he inquires, tilting his head to the side. his obsidian locks, ends dipped in pure bronze, cascade down his back beautifully and you wonder if there’s ever anything this man does that could be deemed unattractive.

he asks these questions all while kneeling in front of your leaking cunt. like your nude body isn’t completely visible and vulnerable before him. but murmurs of your beauty and rarity cause you to relax and confess your thoughts.

“i just—“ you pause, apprehensive, “i’ve never done this before.”

there’s a look that flashes in his eyes, but only for a brief moment before changing to contemplation. “ah, i see.”

heart racing, you think that he’s about to pull out of the moment you two share. that he’d judge you for your lack of experience.

the feeling of a gloved hand on your cheek makes your heart skip a beat. “there’s nothing to be worried about. i will make extra sure to go at your pace. as long as you still trust me to lead, of course. i will make sure you’re comfortable, dearest.”

zhongli kisses the inside of your thigh, peering at you with subtle glee. to tell the truth, his mind can’t help but think of all the ways he’d tease and break you. but you don’t need to know that—at least not yet. when the time comes he’d explore that. for as long as he’s lived, waiting is something that doesn’t concern him. your wellbeing will always come first.

“okay…” you breathe, spreading your legs more for him at his request.

“always so precious and good for me, are you?” he hums with delight. your face blooms with heat but you nod meekly.

he continues, “you’ll tell me what you like, yes? while i eat this cunt out?”

your boyfriend’s blunt words strike your heart (and core) all at once.

zhongli squeezes your thighs in warning, “i need a verbal response, or i will stop.”

“yes, li.” you murmur, sending him a nervous grin.

“thank you, my love.” he smiles before moving over you. a ghostly sigh leaves you as his hands caress you hips, holding you in place with little effort.

his tongue, unusually long, sneaks out and swipes at your core. there’s a hum of satisfaction once your essence hits his buds. after tediously circling the outside of your leaking hole, it plunges forth within you.

even with it being the first time, you’re sure the wet muscle reaches places that no one besides him ever will, and you gasp, hands moving to grasp anything to ground yourself.

“z-zhongli—!” you stutter, words and lungs failing you all at once.

zhongli entwines your hands, squeezing gently to calm you. his free hand, however, only moves over your clit to rile you up further.

he hums again, satisfied with what you gift him when more of your juices evade his tongue.

“it’s been a long time since i’ve tasted something this sweet.” his lithe fingers continuing their motions as he attentively watches your reactions. “i think my tongue will always remember the way you taste.”

your hips have somehow found a way to ride his tongue and he assists by nearly having you fuck yourself on his face.

“i-i-!” you’re unable to warn zhongli of anything as you feel yourself succumbing to a realm of euphoric pleasure, seizing in place. your eyes roll back, and you find yourself facing a blinding light. you wonder if you’ve just died right now and then.

but as soothing hands caress your being and plant kisses on your cheeks, you realize you’re very much still on teyvat.

“ahh, so that’s what you look like cumming.” the archon’s eyes gleam and a hungry look flashes in them. “who knew how beautifully ravishing you’d look.”

not a moment passes before his fingers are on you again, and he slides in two digits.

“i’m sensitive, li! please!” you whine, hands grabbing his wrist.

“you’re doing so well though,” zhongli praises, his tone sweet like nectar. his normally stoic expression to no surprise, is nonexistent with you. the only visible look is love and adoration. “you can cum again, hmm? don’t you think you deserve it?”

tears slip down your face as you nod frantically, “yes!”

his eyes brighten at the way you squirm and try to conceal your whimpers. it’s only then does he realize he must toy with you even further.

the fingers that stilled themselves move again. the sound of lewd squelching filling the room. zhongli doesn’t know how much longer he can hold off before fucking you. the smell of your arousal is overwhelming, to say the least. and dark thoughts of wanting to breed you start to consume his mind.

regardless, you still needed to be prepared to take him. it would be no good if you were uncomfortable.

he works to bring you thus forth to another orgasm, his hand skilled and dexterous as it seeks to pleasure you.

“feels so good li! r-right there!” you gasp, arching up to follow his movements.

a hand soothes your hair and you feel his lips kiss your forehead. “relax dearest, you’re tightening up. just let go.”

it isn’t long before you’re cumming again. losing strength, you collapse fully on your back. you hear your boyfriend chuckle as he sucks the gloves of his fingers clean from your essence.

after giving you time to recover, zhongli gently runs his hands over you.

“darling, why don’t you help me undress. hmm?” he coaxes, moving back to begin to peel off his robes.

you sit up, wobbling as you kneel in front of him and he drags your hand up to his collar.

zhongli leans down, kissing you on the lips. he tastes of whatever tea he’s recently had. and of, well, you.

soon, your boyfriend is undressed, and archons (albeit, him himself) could only tell how it is possible for someone to be so beautiful and handsome, his figure lean and muscular in all the right ways.

it makes you feel weak in the knees how easy it is for zhongli to command attention and control. the way you’re pliant to his will because of how strong he is, allowing for him to hold your jaw in place as his tongue explores your mouth.

the feeling of something heavy and hard against your stomach makes your heart drop. there is no mistaking what it is.

as if sensing your distress, he pulls back from you. “what’s wrong, dear?” he grabs himself, stroking leisurely as he eyes you with quiet mischief.

you swallow, eyes having trouble leveling with his, “w-will it fit?”

you’re cute. too cute, for him. “of course darling,” he taps the head on your drenched clit, the tip catching easily onto your entrance.

“you were made to take me, after all.”

there isn’t anything else said once he sheathes himself fully inside of you.

shared moans fill the room as you both stare at each other for a moment. zhongli is hot and throbbing inside of you, and that alone has you cumming again.

“goodness,” he huffs, composing himself, “you are more sensitive than i thought.”

“ahh-sorry!”

“no need to apologize. it’s perfect. you’re perfect.” zhongli murmurs, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“i’m going to move now, love.” he warns, voice soft.

you nod solemnly, squeezing his hand as a sign of goodwill.

it’s all odd at first, with how full you are, but eventually the discomfort becomes more pleasure than anything else. the way his cock is stroking your walls, hitting every crevice with a kiss, soon has you keening.

grunts fill your ear as zhongli’s pace slowly picks up over time. you think you might be somewhere in the clouds above mt. tianheng.

your boyfriend’s frame cocoons your own. he fucks you like he’s yearned you for eternity. as if he’s been preparing for this moment. his hips move like flowing water, skilled all around.

zhongli’s sharp canines bite into your shoulder, a low growl leaving him as he marks you. he doesn’t mean to blemish your beautiful skin, but the primal part in him can’t help himself.

your moans are like a melody to him, and he thinks he may drown in them and the way that they sound. he starts to think that maybe you yourself are some deity or maybe a siren with the way you have him under your spell.

“li, please, go faster!” you beg, looking up at him with wet eyes, “i-i can take it, i promise!”

“are you sure that’s what you want? i won’t be able to fully hold back if you ask that of me.” he warns.

“yes, please!” you whine, “please, morax!”

before you know it, he’s kissing you again, the sweet taste of him elevating your focus away from the now ruthless snap of his hips.

he gifts you his fingers in your mouth once his lips move over your collarbones and breasts, tongue wrapping around the sensitive nub while his free hand twists the other.

“you must be a gift from celestial to feel this good.” zhongli moans. he’s holding you in his lap now, moving you up and down his shaft just how he likes.

“have you got one more for me, love?” he pants, “then i’ll take care of you and let you rest.”

you find yourself crying out for morax repeatedly, and it sendings an unknown exhilarating feeling down zhongli’s spine. maybe because it’s the thought that no other god could save you but him.

“m’cumming!” you cry, once again clamping down on the man with a vice like grip.

zhongli shudders, trying to keep his focus on you coming undone, “i don’t think i can hold back much longer myself. where—“

“inside. please cum inside me!” you wail, twisting your legs to lock around him.

“fuck,” he curses, not meaning the slip of his tongue. but that’s just what you do to him. “a-are you certain? do not say things based on what you think i wish—“

zhongli does not expect for you to pout up at him with big, wet eyes and say, “you don’t want to cum in me?”

frozen, he blinks slowly at you. then, there’s the sound of a dark chuckle, almost inhumane. “you don’t know, do you?”

“how i’ll give you anything you want? you can ask for the stars and they’re yours.” he groans, hips erratic again. he’s smothering you with his mouth again, moving everywhere to kiss every inch of you. your legs are folded up and placed over his shoulders, pressed tightly against yourself.

he swears, “i’ll cherish and love you till death. contract or not, i vow to never break that word.” even in the afterlife.”

“that being said, i’ll cum in you as many times as you want.”

you cum at his words, sobbing from the tsunami emotions and feelings that’s hit you.

it isn’t long before zhongli follows, an exceeding large warmth and throbbing as he spills himself into you.

he holds onto you tightly, refusing to move until he’s sure that his cum has settled within you.

slowly pulling out and putting your legs back down, he examines you fully. “are you alright?

the smile you give is hazy. “golden.”

“don’t leave.”

he frowns, tongue clicking, “darling, you must let me clean you up at least. i can’t bear to leave you—“

“just for a moment!” you pout, burying your face into his damp chest. “i promise.”

“a moment.” he repeats, chuckling. soothing your hair.

in all honesty, a part of you liked having him leak down your legs, and maybe he enjoyed it to. for him, in all the years of his life he’s never felt a love like this before. he just did his best to show appreciation.

if this is how he’d sing words into your ears, how his affection would wrap around, you would very well get used to this. to a routine.

but then again, a zhongli without surprises doesn’t seem fitting for you at all.

after all, ‘normal’ isn’t even as common as we think it is.

tagging my beloved @hwaitham. thank you for always supporting me and for being so loving and welcoming. <3

#zhongli x reader #zhongli one shot #genshin x reader #genshin one shot #zhongli smut #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact smut #genshin impact oneshot

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postersofleon · 5 months

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religious trauma with leon kennedy, dash of smut; no minors, afab.

- leon and you basically grew up together in the catholic church. unfortunately for the two of you, you grew up in a very obsessive and scary way of religion. basically it's religious ocd and intrusive thoughts.

- leon became a cop wanting to help people while you became a something equal to him. leon and you have a constant fear of god. you two are useless virgins who just want to please god.

- when the events of raccoon city happened, leon thought he betrayed god for not helping people, and he was having to suffer the nightmares for his sins. he was having night terrors of the devil. he was weeping and he had to call you.

- two traumatized religious people are praying for leon, for the arcangel michael to protect leon from the devil and the arcangel gabriel to heal his mind. oh, they are horrible in the sense of way.

- leon and you cuddle and leon feels safe.

- you temporarily live with him and go to church. something is happening between you two, it was pure angst of leon crying and you consoling him. he sees you as his angel and he hates himself.

- but you notice something different. it took time and you ask him, "during the... raccoon city tragedy, a woman kissed me." leon looked nervous to mention it. "i temporarily let my lust win." you looked shocked. "the mercenary?" leon...

- you press the cross on his forehead as you sat on his lap, "leon..." leon accept his scolding, his eyes closed and felt good. "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among..."

- something snapped in leon, he adored this scolding, but he hated how he felt cock twitch. you pressed the cross closer to him. "you were in hell." you whispered softly. leon nodded his head, he couldn't agree more. tears poured in his eyes, he couldn't control himself. "help me."

- you pushed him to the couch, leon was panicking as tears appeared more and more. his mind was being desired by the devil laughing. "please, please," leon sobbed softly, "god help me."

- you muttered softly a prayer as you prayed over and over. leon wasn't even thinking about anything, his hand twitched. did god hate him? why did his cock ache? you tie his hands with his rosary, leon groaned weakly.

- you began to panic. his noises, his cries- they made your heart flutter.

- adam and eve. leon was eve and you were adam. leon had tasted the sin and now you were crawling. this was a new feeling. tears formed in your eyes.

leon's cock was the prettiest shade of pink you have ever seen. leon and you didn't know what to do, his arms were tied with the your rosary. his arms twitched, his biceps tensed up and so did his pecs. holy god, he looked beautiful as weeped. his cock was leaking his cum, tears over and over of his seed. sex isn't for pleasure, it's only for procreation yet why did you and him need it.

your cunt felt that unfamiliar feeling. god! oh, heavenly father you needed to feel it. your hand gently touched his tip and leon whined weakly. his cheeks were red, his eyes were closed. they were going to hell. you closed your own eyes as you took off your lower clothes.

your cunt was wet and needy. "leon..." your eyes opened, "i don't know..." leon's hips buckled a bit, you noticed how pretty his body was. his black shirt was up to his tummy, his well defined body made you so stupidly weak. his happy trail... his cum.

you gently grabbed his cock and pressed his tip around your folds. leon whined louder. his tip was collecting all of your wetness, but when it touched your clit it was your turn to groan. neither you or leon had ever even masturbated. it was sin yet why? why? "leon..." your mind was thinking of hell as his tip found your hole. your cunt clenched pathetically.

leon couldn't even control his hands, his dumb sinful hands were wrapped around your rosary so it was just you slowly going down. it burns! the details of his cock were slowly forming a spot inside of you. your whines became louder. slowly and painfully, you sat on his cock. your mind was rotted, leon had never imagined your cunt to feel so good. tears poors from your eyes. you two were scared of god, every detail of god watching you two, but you couldn't stop.

you carefully took off the rosary from his arms, "i'm-" you were stumbling with your words, "i'm sorry." leon understood. this was new. his hand was on your hip, he was scared ro touch you more despite his needy cock deep in you.

now what?

leon's hand gently moved your hip closer. leon was gasping weakly, he found the code to make this work even more. he felt his heart beating fast as his hips moved up and down. your soft walls of your cunt clenched pathetic. leon won't last long. his other hand grabbed the back of your neck as he gasped weakly. your tears poured from your eyes, you were scared of hell. there was a reason why god made sex feel so good.

your eyes closed, you were trying to connect with god. you needed to apologize to god for having sex with your best friend. leon planted kisses on your jaw and neck and you pressed closer to him to him and leon cummed. you groan weakly, feeling his seed deep in you, but something was bothering you. you were still needy. you didn't cum.

#tw religious themes #resident evil #leon kennedy #leon kennedy x reader #re4 leon #leon kennedy smut

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 1 year

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RoR Romantic Master List

Specific Reader Type Romance Masterlist

Specific Character Romance Masterlist

Virgin Killer Dress

Virgin Destroyer Dress

Small Chest

Confidence Booster

Celebrating their B-Day

Anxious Pregnancy Announcements

Accidental Confession

Stress Cuddles

Piano Lullabies

Yanderes who Love a Married Darling

Asking them to Dance

Lost Memories

Proposals

Losing you to Another

New BF Who's This?

Yanderes and their Human Darling

Swapping Bodies

Big Brothers Against Dating

Lazy Mornings

Future Babies to the Rescue!

Best Man

Amnesia after Accident

The Price of Waiting

Lap Pillows

She's Taken!

Love Triangles

Stockholm Syndrome

Sarcasm is an Art

Cockblocked

No Overworking Allowed

No Kissing!

It was an Accident!

Lady Loving the Ladies

Titty Hugs

Titty Hugs Part 2

Words Hurt

Reap what you Sow

Fake Out

Courting HCs

Baby Surprise!

Make me a Father

Misunderstanding

Being in Love

Vanished Love

Vanished Love Alternate

No Flirting

Fan Clubs and Cults

Goodbye my Angel

Pregnancy Surprise Failed!

Stolen First Kiss

Rescue my Heart

Chocoholic Reader

Love's Cursed Sleep

Return my Sunshine to Me

Don't Fight over Me!

All Hail the King of the World

All Hail the King of the World Part 2

Tea Shop Owner

Sad Songs

Good Luck Kiss

The Ultimate Prize

Shy Little Moon

My Sweet Babies

My Sweet Babies Part 2

Daddy's Little Princess (Leonidas' Daughter)

My Dear Valkyrie

Preferences

Miniature Love

Lending a Helping Hand

Overworked and Overstressed

Strong Love

Queen of the Kings

Son of Solomon

King Arthur Reader

Wearing his Clothes

Source of All

Source of All Part 2

Source of All Part 3

Hot Touch

Arranged Marriage

Rose Loving Reader

Wild First Encounter

Wild First Encounter Part 2

Sending a Prank

Accident

Stone Angel (Angst)

Anxious Tummy Issues

Changed into a Salty Tween

Goodbye, Our Third (Hades x Reader x QSH)

Sad Love

Trio Whoops

Cheating Comforts

Human Fighters Body Swap

How Far I'll Go (yandere)

Demon Hybrid Emotionless Reader

Her Mother's Daughter

#masterlist

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jazeswhbhaven · 4 months

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When I make my chubby MC headcanons this is what I picture -> <3<3

Sorry, but I like my chubby MC's having tummy folds because not every one has a slim tummy with big tits and thighs only. All hail tummy folds that Beel will bite down on and touch whenever possible.

#jwhbrandom blurbs🖤#beel blurbs💚#chubby mc time

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awesamforehead · 7 months

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Tag at least six people (can be more than six if you want), and say at least one nice thing about or to each of them. Can be mutuals, can be people you follow, can be people you don’t know but just happen to exist in the same circle(s) with. All you gotta do is tag them and say something nice about/to them :)

Thank you @mahikamihan (the nicest and sweetest person here) for the tag! Ignore that its been a few days shhhh I was actually thinking of doing this on my priv but then this showed up so perfect opportunity :D Its a big one so everyone will be under a read more so Im not clogging the dash

@gogtopia Jules, you were the first person I followed when I was revamping my blog last year, the first person that came to mind on who I knew was safe post October. Although this was long ago, I really enjoyed the discussions we had about lore and such on discord that was a fun time. And now you're on the path of getting my into The Yard more too lol

@i-anonymous-crow Crow crow crow crow. You were the first (literally the first) people to follow me and it was all because I was crying over the Las Nevadas gift for ckarlnapity. And since then we've cried some more together. And now we're here, thank you for giving me a chance

@foolishfreckles Moss my beloved. Actually one of the chillest people I know and a really great clipper. Another person who has been here since pretty much the beginning (like when I had 20 followers) and one of my biggest supporters. If you arent already following Moss what are you doing. I also love the Foolish screenies you try to get every stream

@traidyy LUCKY!!!!!!! :D SWEETEST PERSON AND GREAT ARTIST THEIR ART IS SO CUTE. also a karl fan so thats 1000 more attractive points. But actually one of my favorite people here, wuv u Lucky <3 the dog to my cat

@sapybara INY!! Somehow you are the most rational but also the most chaos inducing person here and I love you for that. Whenever dash is all fucky and im beginning to spiral, your post are usually the ones who help pull me back up. Also your sapybara pfp is the cutest thing ever.

@vadergf REY REY! The would be drolo of my heart and the realest person when it comes to the green man. Your anons are hilarious and your art is so cute, no matter what you might say. Also thank you for supporting me like with the dteam hourly account i really appreciate it

@simplepotatofarmer Loyal! :D this is a thank you for always wanting and trying to make the fandom a better place. So many people give you the worst shit and yet you try to give second chances and show kindness. Thats something very rare to find nowadays. I love your aus like the rabbit and black dog au, and your chicken posts are some of my favorite things (all hail dream (chicken) )

@toxicsapolo Hi Salty! The og sapolo, the one who paved the way. Even though I have no idea what you and Adora are talking about with the F1 fandom, Ive admired how passionate you are when it comes to your interests. Sapnap, fashion, cooking, your boyfriend.

@tinynap JO!!! Your liveblogs never fail to make me laugh, even if half of them give you a tummy ache. I also want to say im proud of you trying your best at college, even at your roughest nights. You're gonna do great, kid

@dralbum NIICCCKKK!!! Ok not only is your art gorgeous and gives the softest feeling, you are also one of the funniest motherfuckers here. I enjoy our time on privtwt where we ask to eat each others food lmao

@faehrys ARIA MY ARIA!!! Not only an awesome editor, but also an awesome person. I appreciated how you tried to keep a positive space during the rough time, but also knowing when to stand your ground. And as always, karl enjoyer so extra cool points :>

@negativepeanuthoarder PEANUT!!! A true squirrel in which they stick around and make a home in your heart. You are always the loudest supporter in my writing and I really appreciate that, especially on the harder days

@knffuckraw ACE!!! Another funny person here and also representing the inner haikyuu fans (along with Iny). You have the greatest comebacks for anons and the funniest tags. love you ace <3

@dreamnotnapss First, a thank you for your services they’re greatly appreciated and you be missed by many. Second, a thank you for supporting everyone you could within our circle and even beyond. We’ll remember you fondly

@selvish HI TENDER!! we interact much more on twitter lol but youre one of my favorite people, big karl enjoyer and created some of my favorite fics like Y&OY, Rules, Favorite Place, and when we’re older 💜

@secretkoalasandwich EMMI MY BELOVED. ok tbh when we first started following each other I was so nervous cause you had a Wil pfp but now youre one of my favorite people lol. My brethren of punzblr, always ready to simp with me. Also an amazing artist with the most amazing blending skills youve ever seen youre telling me this is a painting??? anyways 10/10 spectacular amazing wow

@canonicallykayfabe EACHTRA!! Some of the most beautiful art here, both in a more cartoony style and one that holds slight realism. The color choices are fantastic as well. Along with that, you have some really thought provoking posts that I really appreciate like the banter discussion post awhile ago.

@sapnapstummy BLAZE THE KINDEST PERSON HERE 100%. legit i dont think ive ever seen you post a neg post about anything thats impressive. also i want to say i love how youll go back to either dreamtummy or sapnaptummy, so iconic and so true.

@dnapsnfsapnap PIGEON!! We’re semi newish mutuals but I’ll always welcome new sapnap fans into my life. On par with Salty, Jo, and Blaze, you fit right in with the sapolo ideology and i think thats amazing. You can always get the cutest screenies of Sapnap and I love your frog posts as well ^-^

@snfbabydrop Ive said this multiple times but thank you for your work on dreamnotnapss. The safe haven for multishippers in our corner. Aside from that, you are one of the nicest people Ive met here, never let your sunshine get blocked out

Also shoutout to my awesome mutuals who I dont talk to often but still love 💜

#drops this at your feet and runs #im posting this late in the night so people have something nice to wake up to ^-^#yeah idk how to tag this hi

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tickledbreathless · 8 months

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Hailing from the east coast, ladies gentlemen and nonbinary folks, here comes an introduction post!

What’s my name? I’m gonna go by Ame (pronounced “Am”). Sound good? I think so too. 😊

Age and Gender? Currently 23 and a guyy so hit me with those he/him pronouns!

This ain’t my first go around here. However, I’d like to start fresh. If I reconnect with old friends, then they can know who I am/was. No tea to be spilt on my past here, pinky swear. ✨ It’s just that a lot of people have left since I myself left, so it feels too complicated to pick up from there when most people wouldn’t remember me anyway. More so aiming to casually exist.

What can I say other than I’m a nerd. I like nerdy stuff (ahem… minecraft, mario, pokemon, mha, marvel, more), so I might go unskippable cutscene on you if you talk to me abt the right thing 😭

Tickling. Yep, I like it. You can call me a switch as one might do!

It’s a kink blog. Sure, I’ll post/reblog about forms of tickling that can considered sfw, nsfw, or possibly outside of the realm of a kinky context, BUT this is still a kink blog.

NSFW will be tagged.

What kind of tickling? Whatever tickles my own fancy, I suppose. Teasy posts, tickling gifs, drawings. Probably some non-tickling stuff as well if I’m just feeling silly 🤭

18+ so minors and ageless bios DO NOT INTERACT !!!! Have your age in your bio. If you aren’t of age or don’t have your age in your bio and you interact with me, I’ll just block you immediately, so get it right the first time even if you’re of age.

Asks are allowed and encouraged! Keep is respectful and uncreepy or I’ll put rocks into your cereal.

Sending Teases/Tickle Talk? In DMs, i prefer to get to know people before tickle talk becomes involved. However, teases sent in asks are alright, but I reserve the right to not respond to them. Gotta catch me in the right mood I suppose. <3

I do enjoy DMs as well! As long we respect each other’s boundaries, we’re good to go, but also don’t immediately start off about tickling, man… but if we get along good and have gotten to know each other, tickle talk, teases, and rp are fine by me ✨

Other kinks? W-well… yes… Gentle femdom, post orgasm, cnc, and tummy fetish /////

Also I may not always respond quickly to messages. I can get p busy some days, won’t respond to DMs while at work, and i guess when im Soooometimes touching grass. Please know that I may not be open to meeting every person who comes into my dms. I’m one person and I don’t have the time or energy to establish new connections all the time. Sorry.

It should go without saying but racism, homophobia, transphobia, whatever form of brainless hatred that festers like the disease it is is not allowed on this blog. You’re Not welcomed here.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading! I’ll edit this post if necessary. For now, I’m taking it slow here and I’m unsure as to what I’ll do with this blog.

That’s all I got for you all! Feel free to ask me questions if you’re curious about me or this blog! Enjoy your day, giggly people 🪶

#tickling community #tickling community introduction

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jurassicsickfics · 6 days

Text

Twister in the Tummy

This story was requested by @blueandbetaraptors

Another hot day in Oklahoma brought more work for it's resident storm chasers. Jo and Bill Harding had spent all morning tracking the path of an incoming storm, and finally the time had come to get out there.

As if a switch had been flipped, the blue sky turned dark with storm clouds as thunder roared in the distance, rapidly getting closer. The team made a mad dash for their respective vehicles as rain began to fall. Jo hopped eagerly into the passenger's seat of her truck, and could barely hear her own exited thoughts over the combined sounds of howling wind and pounding rain and hail, and of course, Dusty's loud one-man concert over the radio.

In minutes the truck was barreling down the bumpy Oklahoma backroads, Bill focused in the driver's seat and Jo focusing on radars and equipment, looking down, maybe a little too much. Jo glanced up every once in a while, hoping that occasional glances outside the truck would keep her from feeling sick.

In minutes, the tornado had touched down and it was go time. But...Jo wasn't feeling well. Holding her stomach, she still tried to play it cool. Of course, though, Bill noticed her discomfort. "You ok?" He asked, and the blonde nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. Let's do this."

Bill could tell she wasn't exactly being honest, but, right now wasn't the best time to argue about it, so, he floored it down the bumpy dirt road. The twister came into sight, and just watching the rotation made Jo feel even more queasy. She felt like she had a tornado in her belly, too.

"Bill...can you slow down a little?" She asked, gripping the dashboard as she attempted to feign focus on the task. Bill turned to her. "Why, what's wrong?" He asked. "Nothing, I just...i think it's gonna shift courses." She whipped up a lie. Bill glanced at her. "You sure? I'm not seeing that?" She nodded. "Yes, just slow down!" Jo barked, not meaning to snap but she just felt so sick...

Now Bill knew something was wrong..."Alright, Jo, what's up?" He asked. Before his eyes his wife turned pale, still trying to focus on the twister ripping across the field in front of them. "I'm fine.." she replied, talking over the radio to Rabbit.

But Jo was so far from fine...she felt like one more stupid bump in the road would send her barfing into her own lap. She turned to Bill, feeling herself want to gag. "Bill...Bill, I don't feel good..." she said, wrapping both arms around her stomach. Immediately Bill radios the situation to the others, pulling off the road somewhere safe. He couldn't even get a word out before Jo flung her door open and proceeded to projectile vomit all over the dirt, her retching loud enough to be heard over the storm. Bill reached over the center console to pat her back. "Oh Jo...why didn't you tell me you felt sick?" He asked. Jo spit on the ground and sat back up, wiping her mouth with her arm. "I wasn't..until we started out. Guess I ate too heavy before the chase." She said. Bill gave her a sympathetic smile. Jo glanced up, seeing the storm receding. "Ugh..." she groaned. "I'm sorry...I made us miss it.." she said. "Hey, it's ok." Bill replied. "You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault." He said. Jo sighed, glancing up at him with a tired, pitiful smile on her face, and asked, "Drop me off with Aunt Meg, huh?"

#jo harding #bill harding #twister #twister 1996 #carsickness #motion sickness #story requests #sickfic #emeto fic #vomit mention

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ladylooch · 9 months

Text

Princess Hischier

A/N: The second request for Lio & Lucie which was affectionately requested as "Macho Connor." So we check in on dumb fuck Marco who never left their hometown.

“So what’s good here?” Connor asks Lucie. His hands are around her waist, chin resting on her shoulder as she looks at the menu in her hand. She knows the whole thing, but wanted to check out the monthly specials they have for July. Her, Connor and Lio are at their hometown coffee shop in Switzerland, grabbing a quick drink after brunch for their walk back to the lake.

“Everything. You should try the Nitro though.”

“Okay.” Connor shrugs, not giving any more thought. “That caramel one looks up your alley.”

“Yeah that is what I’m getting.” She chuckles. He knows her so well.

A happy bubble settles in Lucie’s chest. Connor kisses her temple, then nudges her forward to order. Lucie orders for the three of them. After, they walk down to the edge of the counter to wait. Lio comes out from where he stopped to use the restroom.

“Why am I still hungover?” Lio rubs his temples. “Gonna need a hail mary from this coffee.”

“You need a beer. Why didn’t you start drinking at brunch?” Connor asks.

“Because I would have puked, man. I needed food first.”

“You’re soft.” Lucie chuckles. Her fingers intertwine with Connor’s, swinging the, between their bodies as she scans the other patrons of the coffee shop.

Marco.

He’s sitting at a table by the window, staring at her. Lucie drags her gaze away, looking up to Connor instead who is still giving Lio shit.

“Might need to dial it back, old man. All that light beer is too much for your tummy.”

“Fuck off.” Lio snaps, grabbing his cappuccino from the barista. When Lucie doesn’t laugh, Connor looks down at her face.

“You okay?” He asks, rubbing her shoulder. Lio looks around as he takes is first sip, seeing Marco.

“They let any pieces of shit in this place, eh?” Lio mutters. Connor follows Lio’s gaze, seeing a man more tatted than him with piercings and an overall dark presence. His gaze returns to his girlfriend. Lucie is clearly uncomfortable. Connor wraps his beefy arms around her, using his strength to enclose her into his body.

“We don’t like him?” He asks Lucie directly. She shakes her head no. Connor hates the tightness of her mouth and sobering look on her face. “I’ve got you.” He reminds her. He grabs her coffee, handing it to her. She takes a desperate sip, happy to have something to coat her dry throat. She’s breathing harder than she needs to, hoping to avoid an interaction.

But Marco’s never been one to shy away from confrontation.

“Hey Luc.” He calls as they start to walk out. Her skin crawls at the way he uses the nickname like they’re close. Lucie tosses a polite wave, trying to continue. “Heard princess Hischier was back in town taking audiences.” He’s trying to provoke her. Connor’s reassuring hand on her hip makes her brave.

“Not from gaslighting pieces of shit though.” Lio chokes on his coffee, turning and gaping at Lucie. Lucie is speaking in Swiss German, so Connor does not understand. But he hears her tone and with Lio’s reaction, knows she’s getting feisty.

“LuLu.” Connor chuckles his warning. “Just tap me in.”

“You always were quite the story teller.” Macro rolls his eyes, slumping back further in his chair, unbothered by her outburst.

“Only told the truth about you though.”

“Lu, he is not worth the time.” Lio says in English.

“Wasn’t back then either.”

“Yeah, but you’ll never be able to take what we did back.” This part is in English and Connor doesn't like the tone or the implication.

“Hi, I’m Connor.” He steps forward, reaching his hand out. Macro foolishly takes it. Connor yanks him forward, then twirls him, pinning Marco to the coffee table. Other patrons stare, Lucie’s heartbeat accelerates. “Talk to my girlfriend again and I’ll snap your arms off.” Marco nods frantically in understanding. Connor releases him then comes walking back towards Lucie, eyes only for her. Her wild pupils and pink cheeks tells him how much she likes him standing up for her.

“Time to go.” Connor murmurs as he tosses a shoulder into her thighs. She squeals, surprised, then starts to belly laugh. She extends her coffee out to avoid spilling. Connor turns, kissing her butt cheek then giving it a sweet tap.

“We have to run!” Lucie calls, waving goodbye to a now timid Marco.

Thank God Lucie let herself free from that. She leans forward, kissing the deep valley of Connor’s spine through his shirt.

“You two are so fucking obnoxious.” Lio mutters, putting his sunglasses over his eyes. “Let’s get back to the lake. Wanna get on the boat and pick up chicks.”

“Me too.” Connor jokes as he sets Lucie back down. He guides an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a smooch that makes her swoon into his chest.

“We should ditch him.” Lucie says to Connor. He pulls back.

“What do you have in mind?” His eyes sparkle, complete trust in her. Her heart swells in her chest.

“Wanna see you tangled in my sheets.”

“Your dad is not gonna let us disappear upstairs together.”

“Him and Uncle T are golfing. My mom is with Auntie Em and the rest of the kids a few towns over.”

“So Lio’s our last hurdle?”

“Yeah.” She giggles.

“We can easily lose him. Send him down to the dock first and say we’ll be down later.” Connor murmurs against her lips. “He’ll eventually get sick of waiting and head out on his own.” Lucie giggles again, barely able to keep kissing him with her laughter.

She’s so in love with Connor Wood.

#Lio & Lucie

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nokingsonlyfooles · 9 months

Text

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 11

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

Part 11: Shake Hands with Gozer

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Shandor Studios, with the All Hail Gozer logo.]

[faint sound of a car alarm]

L: Oh, heck, it’s Gandalf…

[chirp-chirp]

[car alarm ceases]

A [dismissive]: You know, this is really not doing it for me anymore. The whole deal. Not even with a camera. No. Fuck it. Your personality is a real turn-off.

R: These chairs are still really comfy, though.

[rumbling, squeaking]

G: [muffled, into phone]: UH-HUH… UH-HUH… IN MY DEFENSE, THEY INSULTED MY DOGS AND SUGGESTED I ASSOCIATE WITH ELON MUSK, ABI… YES, ADMITTEDLY, BUT THERE’S NO NEED TO BE RUDE… MM-HM. WHAT’S IT CALLED? “CLIMATE CHANGE”? [with sudden excitement] OH! “GLOBAL WARMING!” YES! HOW LONG? OH, THAT’S NOT LONG AT ALL! NO, NO, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE IRONY. DIY APOCALYPSE! OH, YES, WE MUST GIVE THEM A CHANCE, MUSTN’T WE? HA-HA-HA. BUT, UH, DO YOU THINK THERE MIGHT BE… A LAKE OF FIRE? EVEN A SMALL ONE? [laughter] WOW! THAT SOUNDS AMAZING!

L: I don’t like where this is going…

A: Rocz, where the hell are my cigarettes?

R: I fed them to a dog.

A: What?

G: SO ABOUT SEVEN BILLION YEARS ON THE OUTSIDE? WELL, I GET BORED, ABI. YOU KNOW I GET BORED. WILL YOU KEEP PODCASTING AND KILLING THE SMARMY MORTAL “JAMES BOND”? HA! ALL RIGHT, I SUPPOSE I WILL MANAGE…

D: Did… Did Abi just say we’re going to keep doing KJB for the next seven billion years…?

L: Sounds like the fate of the world kinda depends on it…

A: Where is my fucking Slimfast bar?

R: Ibid.

V: Will you have a slice of meat bouquet, Lord Alice?

A: [screams]

R: You two gotta stop doin’ that.

Z: Lord Alice is mortal, Vinz Clortho. You are supposed to feed the mortals frozen peas. It is good for them. The demon David Tennant says so.

L: I think you’re a little mixed up about that…

R: Your dimension gets Amazon Prime?

Z: All hell dimensions have Amazon Prime. Where else are we supposed to get our blood plasma?

V: But we have no frozen peas to give, and we must depart our mortal hosts soon!

Z: You may rub our tummies, if you wish. It is good for your mortal brain meat.

L: Aww!

Z: Not you, Vengeful Mortal of Insults!

L: Well, this has been a total fucking waste of time!

A: Get away from me, you smell like Marlboros and despair.

V: It is the Slimfast bar…

Z: You want some of this, Frodo?

D [coldly]: No thank you, Sigourney.

R [warmly]: Good Terror Dogs… Good, good puppies…

G: HA-HA, RIGHT! THESE THINGS HAPPEN! WELL, I’LL SEE YOU AT THE CLUB TONIGHT. CIAO, BESTIE!

L: “Bestie”?

A: [sigh] It’s Mesopotamian rock-paper-scissors, don’t worry about it.

D: To think, all this time, all we had to do was summon Abigail Thorn…

G: VINZ CLORTHO! ZUUL! STOP BOTHERING LORD ABIGAIL’S FRIENDS!

V: Farewell, doughnut-giver!

Z: Never buy copper from Ea-nāṣir!

[electricity, crackling]

MILKSHAKE (M)]: آیا من یک سگ بودم؟ [TRANSCRIBER’S NOTE: Okay, it’s in Persian, but Google Fonts doesn’t do cuneiform.]

R: Oh, hey, it’s my cats!

PIZZA BOY (P): پدر!

R: Nah, don’t eat that meat bouquet, I have no idea who or what that is…

M: این انصاف نیست.

R: Say, Gozer, is this here permanent?

G: ALL CATS CAN SPEAK WHATEVER LANGUAGE THEY WANT, WHENEVER THEY WANT.

P: Das ist ein süßes Kopftuch.

A: Um… Danke?

M: Никогда больше не трогай мой животик.

A: [snickers]

G: SO! [claps hands] SORRY FOR THIS LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING. HOW CAN I MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

[brief pause]

G: WHAT?

[crosstalk, complaining, “We are covered in horse viscera!” “Clean this shit off!” etc.]

G: RIGHT. SORRY.

L: And I want to keep my new van!

G: YOUR VAN BELONGS TO ISHTAR, BUT I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO FINISH YOUR PODCAST, MORTALS?

A: Oh, yes! Of fucking course we would!

[Rapid scrolling through 10 slides or so before landing on an image of Ivo Shandor.]

A: And in conclusion… Ivo Shandor can eat shit, I’m glad he got ripped in half, art deco architecture is hideous, I disavow everything Sumerian — except Liam’s van and possibly Abi — and billionaires contribute nothing of value to society! [panting] Does anyone have anything else?

L: Pronoun checks will save your fucking life! If any of you out there ever give us shit for the pronoun check ever again, I got a [bleep] with your name on it!

G: SERIOUSLY. THAT COLONEL-SANDERS-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER SUMMONED ME OUT OF A HOT BATH AND MISGENDERED ME ON PURPOSE — I’M GLAD I RIPPED HIM IN HALF TOO!

R: [drawing devil horns and an unflattering mustache on Shandor with the mouse] We have a segment on this podcast we like to call Safety Third…

A: What?

L: Oh my God, Rocz…

D: Fucking seriously?!

R: I’m sorry, but rigidly adhering to our unhinged podcast format has just saved our lives and possibly the entire world — and if we’d just done our goddamn intros we would’ve avoided that whole mess — so we’re going to do a Safety Third! Alice, the drop, please.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

[SLIDE: A pastoral oil painting that seems to be missing a figure with a shepherd's crook.]

G: OOH, THIS LOOKS FUN. CAN I PLAY TOO?

WTYP: NO.

D: And clear the slime out of my awesome control room.

G: OF COURSE.

D [suspiciously]: Be honest with me. If someone were to press a button and cover you in boiling hot lava, would that be an inconvenience?

G: OOH, DO YOU HAVE LAVA? I JUST LOVE LAVA!

D [slowly fading, walking away from the mics]: This has been a fucking waste of time!

[door slam]

R: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending)…”

G: IS THERE NOT GOING TO BE ANY LAVA, THEN?

R [with determination]: “Dear Justin, Alice (or name pending), Liam (yay, Liam) and potential Guest.”

G [distorted, too close to the mic]: HELLO, MORTALS! I AM PODCASTING!

L: Shut the fuck up.

R: “...I am an art-restorer by trade, a profession which, I’m sure you know, has its dangers. Apart from the usual face-melting chemicals, we deal with a lot of paintings of dubious provenance, many of which come into our hands with curses or angry spirits attached. It’s a little like working at the humane society. Most of them can be cleaned up and rehabilitated if you’re careful, but a select few will try to kill you. It’s not their fault, but you do always need to be aware of the hazard. For example, the attached image once contained the figure of a little girl who would slowly approach the foreground of the painting over a period of weeks, before crawling out of the frame and attempting to strangle everyone in the room with her shepherd’s crook.”

A: Oh. Yeah. Pretty standard.

L: Get a new bit, ghost children!

G: I TOOK THE FORM OF A DEMONIC LITTLE GIRL ONCE!

A: No one cares.

R: “We gave her a juice box and some crackers, and let her watch a Disney video (Aladdin, but I’m not sure if you can say that)...”

L: Dammit, how many times do we have to tell you? Do not write it if you don’t want Rocz to say it!

A: Was the time he almost finished reciting that Ashanti death curse not enough for you people?

L: You’re just goddamn lucky he mispronounced it!

R: “And now she’s happily attending the local junior high school. A lot of attached spirits are just hungry, or bored, or both, and are easily dealt with. After they’ve lived through a few near-misses like that, some of my colleagues start to become jaded and sloppy. For example, my boss, whom we will call Timothy Q. Jackass (the Q stands for ‘Clueless’)...”

L: Good. Good name.

G: I ONCE GAVE A JACKASS THE GIFT OF PROPHECY!

A: Go away.

G: …HIS NAME WAS TIRESIAS OF THEBES! WHAT? NOTHING? NOBODY?

L: Get some new references.

A: Read another elegy.

G: DO YOU HAVE A RIMSHOT IN HERE…?

A: Touch my laptop and die.

R: “One morning, Mr. Jackass rolled up to the studio with a tinted etching (image not attached for reasons which will become obvious).”

L: Vigo.

A: Fucking Vigo.

G: THAT CARPATHIAN CUNT AND HIS GODDAMN ART COMMISSIONS. NOBODY WANTS TO PAINT YOU, VIGO, NOT WITH THAT HAIRCUT.

[stifled laughter]

G [hopeful]: …OR THOSE SHOES?

A: [clearing throat] Don’t press your luck.

R: “I recognized a certain Carpathian with whom you are no doubt familiar…”

G: HA! YOU CALLED IT!

L: Interrupting is a privilege, and we will mail you a certificate when you have earned it.

R: “...and, of course, I advised Mr. Jackass to douse it in holy oil and set it on fire, as per the established procedure. Imagine my surprise when he told me he wanted me to clean and restore it.”

L: No. Don’t do it.

A: Step away from the abyss.

G: UNIONIZE.

[pause]

G: WHAT? ARE YOU MORTALS FUCKING SCABS?

A: …Alright, I am not autistic — that I know of — but I have no idea how to deal with this situation.

L: You enjoy human suffering but are pro-union?

G: YOU HUMANS WILL TOUCH A CAT’S TOES UNTIL IT BITES YOU OUT OF FRUSTRATION, BUT YOU WILL STILL FEED THEM AND PET THEM.

[pause]

R: Milkshake, Pizza Boy, will you ever forgive me?

M: Lo mismo ocurre con nosotros, cuando os enseñamos el culo antes del amanecer.

R: Is that a yes?

A: All I know is how to order a beer and ceviche…

L: Rocz, for God’s sake, finish the letter so we can get in my van and go home.

R: “I told Mr. Jackass what he could do with his etching, in language that is not very podcast-friendly, and he replied, and I quote, ‘Don’t be a pussy, it’s just an etching. It’s probably Latvian or some shit.’”

G: VIGO THE LATVIAN MAKES A DAMN FINE BLOOD SAUSAGE.

[stifled laughter, a certain amount of snickering]

G [wounded]: WHAT? I AM BEING SERIOUS. SAY WHAT YOU LIKE ABOUT JELLYFISH AND CEPHALOPODS, BUT IF YOU COME AT VIGO THE LATVIAN’S BLOOD SAUSAGE, I WILL END YOU.

[hysterical cackling, even from the cats]

A: Oh, God, oh, fuck no… Xe tried to kill us!

L: And xe’s doin’ it again!

R: It’s called catharsis, Alice! Laugh or cry!

[pandemonium ending in sniffles]

R: Ah… Ah… Oh, God… Lemme see here… “I reiterated my refusal, forcefully, and Mr. Jackass decided he’d teach me a lesson by restoring the etching himself. The next few weeks were remarkably quiet, with regards to Mr. Jackass, save for occasional instances of chanting. He rarely left his office and appeared to be sleeping there. He was also going through a lot of black candles. There was a single attempt to order ‘an unsullied infant boy’ from DoorDash, which was not successful. The next day, Mr. Jackass called in sick, so I figured he was at the exorcist’s and that would be the end of it. Imagine my surprise when I turned on the six o’clock news and found him declaring his candidacy for City Comptroller. From what I could gather, his platform included human sacrifice and a ‘skull throne tax.’ I had my hand on the phone to call an exorcist and report him, but my mean streak got the better of me. ‘Let’s see how this plays out,’ I thought.”

L: Did… Did he win?

R: “Don’t worry. Vigo the Carpathian, running as Mr. Jackass, suffered a resounding defeat and eventual exorcism. However, we restored and reclaimed so many paintings during his extended sabbatical, that before Mr. Jackass even had a chance to dye the blond bleach job out of his hair, the higher ups called him and told him, and I quote, ‘Don’t come back.’ That is how I became head of the art restoration department!”

[cheers, applause]

R: “The moral of this story, if there is one, is, ‘never interrupt your stupid boss when he is making a mistake.’”

G: A MODERN DAY SUN TZU!

R: “Love to you all, and be well.”

A: Aww, that’s actually very nice.

L: I hope Vigo fried that guy’s hair so bad he never recovers.

G: DAMN, I COULD GO FOR SOME BLOOD SAUSAGE.

R: This concludes Safety Third.

[“Shake hands with danger” drop]

R: Does anyone have any commercials?

L: Rocz…

R: Our podcasting format saved the world.

L: Okay, okay, but I got nothin’.

A: Same. You know where you can find us.

L: Right, we live in your basement. We’re watching you right now.

G: SAME!

R: If we want more Gozer the Gozerian, for some reason, where else can we find you?

G: IN YOUR NIGHTMARES!

R: Of course.

[SLIDE: The Amityville Horror House.]

R: Our next episode…

G: OH! OH! WAIT! I ALSO HAVE A TUMBLR!

A: Oh, my God, I have got to get off that hellsite…

R: Our next episode is on the Amityville Horror…

G: OOH, I LOVE THAT ONE! CAN I FIND IT WHEREVER PODCASTS ARE FOUND?

R: Uh…

A [tightly]: Don’t tell xem, just end the episode.

G: WHAT? TELL ME WHAT?

L: End the episode! END IT BEFORE DEVON HITS THE LAVA BUTTON!

G: HI MOM! HI GRANDMA! I LOVE YOU!

[soothing public domain music]

D [not drunk enough to stop being annoyed but still very drunk]: This is Future Devon… Fuck, I mean Present Devon. I have consumed all the liquor and ice cream I demanded from Gozer, and I am going to bed. If, as I suspect, this has all been an epic-length fanfiction from the diseased brain of some individual out there on the internet, when I wake up in the morning, I expect not to exist. This version of me, I mean. So, I would just like to take this opportunity to say: Fuck you. You will die alone. The pet raven in no way makes up for any of this bullshit — although I cherish him and have named him after Sir Ian McKellen. All these fucking Chekov’s guns all over the place, and you didn’t let me use my lava button even once. I will never forgive you for this. I am so done with podcasting, and everything Sumerian, but apparently I still have several billion years of Kill James Bond to go. [sigh] Okay.

[shuffling, sound of a laptop closing]

D: Come on, Sir Ian, let’s go to oblivion.

[long pause]

SIR IAN (I): This is Sir Ian, I am the raven who is talking now, my pronouns are he and him, and I thought you’d all like to know I work for Pazuzu. Don’t tell Dev, it would only upset them. I suppose I’ll put this up on the Patreon for them…?

[click]

[END OF TRANSCRIPT]

[And if ya liked that, I got a whole serialized story for ya. You let me work with my own characters and I get even more unhinged, just so's ya know.]

Thanks for reading!

#wtyp #well there's your problem #ghostbusters #long reads #fanfic #fanfiction #crossover fic #gozer the gozerian #alice caldwell-kelly #liam anderson #justin roczniak #devon #engineering disasters #podcast

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