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precious-little-scoundrel · 3 months

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Dear John | Part 2

Masters of the Air Fanfiction

Part 1

Series Summary: Major John Egan wasn’t the pen-pal sort but a couple of hours into a dark night full of writing condolence letters he finds himself wondering why he never tried his hand at the nicer forms of correspondence. Who better to reanimate his numb inspiration than the glamorous Miss Lana Tierney? -the army’s girl next door, the pinup so prolific she was practically a wall paper print and Bucky’s long-standing cinematic crush. It’s not like she’ll read it anyways. Right? Right.

Warnings: suggestive language, crass vocabulary, the vintage form of sexting -honestly this is mostly fluffy in reply to his more overt letter

Author’s note: after episode four I’ve got feelings and fics for this universe that are far ahead of these establishing pieces. So I’ve gone ahead and tossed this preliminary one out but I may very well skip around and ahead to October next. At least now y’all know: she wrote him back. Hehe. If it’s of interest, I’ll probably end up writing John’s reaction to receiving this response as well as Gale’s response to realizing his friend actually went and sent that awful thing.

Date: Early August, 1943

Dear John, (I’m sorry Major Egan, I just had to)

Thank you for your kind letter of the 18th. It’s been many years since I received so delightful a correspondence or so candid an expression of admiration. And you should know I keep most of the letters the sweet people of this country send me. They’re stacked in quite an orderly fashion in my various garages, kept for the rainy days to peruse and keep the blues away and also so I might try very hard to reply. I don’t take such affection for granted. It’s humbling really, always has been, to be so loved by folks but it’s another level entirely to be singled out by someone as brave and impressive as yourself.

I found your letter to be heartfelt and wonderfully brave and in an effort to be equally transparent, you should know that when I finished it I clutched it to my breast and whispered half a dozen prayers for you. Or as you might say, I held it to my knockers.

That’s an awful word, you must know that Major.

As is “rack”, for that matter, but I’ve a sneaking suspicion that you would make it sound charming as even your blotted paper was electric. How could you dare to praise my film set flapjacks and mention making babies? I’m fizzing just glancing at it. You really must be quite the fella and I’m terribly sad now that our rendezvous, such as you say it was, got cut short. You must reprimand your friend -Buck, is it?- and tell him he did an bad deed that night. There’s nothing I like better than duets and hamburgers, we might’ve been one of the great loves by now if he hadn’t meddled. But don’t be too hard on him, if he’s the sort to take it well, kiss him for me, after you chide him.

But since we are being honest, I must admit, reading your letter, being privy to your thoughts, seeing myself through your eyes as it were - dear man, I feel rather riled. Quite riled, in fact. Why, I haven’t felt riled in a while, not like this. Not like an ordinary girl with an extraordinary boy. Do you know what I mean?

Maybe you don’t.

I mean regular, old fashioned flustered. That’s what you’ve made me. And thank you for that, John. Can I call you Johnny? I wonder if you’re the nickname sort, or if you’re real stern and serious, a real John-John. Not a Johnny at all. But either way, I think you deserve a treat, for being so nice, Major Egan. For reminding me I can feel my pulse somewhere besides my wrists before a show -and for all you’re doing in the war, besides. There seems to be no safer hands to trust this to, you do seem so very fond of them, I am led to believe you’d be protective of them, too.

Enclosed is something for the personal morale, I hope you’ll think of me nightly with it at hand, in fact, I’m so excited about it I’ve taken this ill advised measure to insure you do. I’d very much like a report, do they live up to your expectations? They’re homegrown, after all, I hadn’t much say in them but now I’ve got them, I don’t see why they shouldn’t do their bit to keep you alive. A small sacrifice.

One of those reasons you mentioned, John, you’ve so many of them, more than you know. A million souls over here rooting you on, insisting you make it out the other side.

I’m forefront among them, I’ll be scanning the crowd when I come to Europe -because I will, at your invitation. Perhaps if you send me a picture of your own mug I won’t be looking a fool asking every man in uniform if I remind them of an acorn. Are you going to tell me what on earth that means? I’ve tried to work it out but I always end up with some mathematical conundrum and I just know in my heart of hearts you wouldn’t let me down like that, would you Major? It’s something awfully salacious, isn’t it? Please let it be!

I’m a vain little thing and I can’t deny the way this poor heart of mine is all pitter pattering at the thought of you being so awful while also so nice. It’s a strange blend, and rather like my coke, I do prefer my men mixed.

Best wishes, may you have cloudless skies and fresh coffee to your heart's content. My sources -and I’ve excellent ones, an upside of working the war bond circuit- tell me you’re airforce. I think that’s remarkable and I hope you give that picture some thought. Mine, and yours.

Your vain little friend,

Julia Jean Turner

P.S.-I’m only ever ‘The Lana Tierney ‘ to strangers, and we aren’t strangers now, are we? not if you’re to take my picture to your bunk. i suspect you may have already taken that liberty. who’s to say I did not take similar liberties upon reading certain stirring passages of your letter? Xx 💋

__insert vintage titty pic__

Whew this week was a doozy wasn’t it? Here’s some fluff for those of y’all who needed it, and I can promise angst soon for those who want to stay in the soul shattering mood. Hope you enjoy. Feedback is a writer’s lifeblood, let me hear your screams.

Drop a comment to let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any of my MOTA fics. Xo

Taglist:

@stylespresleyhearted

@ab4eva

@earth-to-lottie

@suraemoon

@blurredcolour

@steph-speaks

@crazymadpassionatelove

@rubyfruitjungle

@taestrwbrry

#masters of the air #masters of the air fanfiction #john egan #John Egan x oc #mota fanfic #bucky egan #dear john

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sunflower-lilac42 · 5 months

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✧ 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 | sturniolo triplets ♔

summary: the true story of why Matt, Chris, and Nicks fans hate their older sister.

warnings: sad, being lonely, crying, depression, the usual from this series.

notes: part of the 'behind the lens' series. the scenarios are all fake! i am actually obsessed with this one. i think this is the faster I've written one of these. i am also pretty sure that because i listened to this song so much while writing it it is one of my most played songs this year. also add yourself to the tag list! ➺ taglist form

series masterlist | celebrities masterlist | main masterlist

‘Telling myself I won’t go there Oh, but I know that I won’t care Tryna wash away all the blood I’ve spilt This lust is a burden that we both share Two sinners can’t atone from a lone prayer Souls tied, intertwined by pride and guilt’

If you were to meet y/n now, you wouldn’t have expected her to be a contributing factor in her brothers' social life. Yet, contrary to popular belief, she had been active in their early social media. From videos to posts to even small podcasts here and there, y/n was a part of it.

This soon changed when she went back to college, she stopped being in videos, they stopped posting about her and with her, they stopped talking about her on their channel completely.

Now y/n hasn’t done anything wrong for them to change abruptly this way. It was the fans that were the problem. They used to be so lovely towards her, saying positive things about their relationship, commenting on how pretty she was (and how the four were definitely related and they got good genes), and even some saying how happy she made them and that they could tell that they were great siblings.

Those were the ones who mostly stayed by her side when the boys started to become more popular. The more and more little teenage girls became infatuated with them, the more and more hate the girl received.

They were blatantly jealous of the girl and how she always got to hang around the triplets. But what else did they expect from her, they’re siblings.

These girls tore her to shreds a year or so into their YouTube careers. Because they had started their channel during the pandemic and the lockdown, y/n had stayed home for the first half of the first semester because she was scared of having to be alone for that amount of time, with no roommate and no in-person classes.

When she was finally comfortable with going back to college, she settled into her room after the first couple of weeks. She had only been there a month or two before she had to go back home again due to an outbreak on campus.

The triplets had only put out two or three videos in the time that she was gone and those videos really gave fans a perspective into their lives.

Matt, Nick, and Chris had been acting differently about their sister. They didn’t want to want to answer questions about her, they didn’t even really want to mention her because they were scared and worried about her.

They knew about the subtle messages she had been getting, some were harmless, mean comments while some were more worrisome. They were threatening her and saying that she didn’t belong with that family and some going as far as saying that she didn’t belong in this world at all.

They were protecting her, not thinking that they were making it worse. They didn’t want people to know where she went to college, they didn’t want their fans to ‘hunt her down’ and hurt her.

However, the fans took this shift in behavior negatively. They thought that because they didn’t talk about her they didn’t care about her. They thought that she was mean to them and that they didn’t really want her around.

When she went back to college for the spring semester, she told herself she wasn’t going to go through another cycle of depression again. She told herself she wasn’t going to fall into a depressive state again like when she was a teenager.

These comments affected her more than she cared to admit, she didn’t want a bunch of girls that were younger than her to control her emotions. But the fans were important to her brothers, and she wouldn’t want that to change how they felt about them. So she stayed quiet and never spoke a word about it.

✧༺✎༻∞

‘There’s darkness in the distance I’m beggin’ for forgiveness But I know I might resist’

She saw the comments from a mile away. They weren’t hidden, they were noticeable, very noticeable to her. To everyone else, they saw it as just the regular old hate comments and they got over it. But her, it always stayed with her.

She went onto social media after a few months of this happening to try and get their fans to forgive her. She aslo attempted to tell them to stop attacking her brothers just because they didn’t like her. But they didn’t. Some did, but most did not. The boys weren’t happy with the apology, stating that y/n didn’t do anything wrong for them to hate her. But she wasn’t having it.

She argued that there must have been something she had done for them to think these horrid things about her. Though, deep down she knew that wasn’t the case. That these people were just trying to make themselves feel better.

She didn’t want to believe anything her brothers said. She resisted it and she tried so hard to resist the comments and to fall back into the cycle.

Her resistance just wasn’t enough.

✧༺✎༻∞

‘Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time You and I drink the poison from the same vine Oh, I love it and I hate it all the same time Hiding all of our sins from the daylight’

She loved her brothers, and sometimes their fans. She couldn’t really find a middle ground between them. The fans either loved or hated her. She was grateful for the earlier posts where there was nothing but positive comments from the fans but the negatives started to roll in, her love for the fans changed.

And that’s not to say that the positive comments all of a sudden just stopped, they were still there, it’s just that she forgot that they existed. The negatives overwhelmed the positives, just like in her life. It was the story of her life, and she wanted to change it.

She knew where their fans were coming from, jealousy. She knew that is was a common feeling within people, especially if they had something to do with fame. She knew that feeling all too well.

While they were jealous of her, she was jealous of others. They were jealous of the fact that she knew the Sturniolo Triplets, that she got to be around them all the time, and that she was related to them. She had everything that they wanted. She had money, she had a good family, and she had fame (not really but to them…).

They were so desperate to have her life that they tore her down for having it. It wasn’t like she chose for this to happen, she didn’t choose for her brothers to be YouTubers. She didn’t choose any of it. If anything, she’d choose not to have. Not because she relented her brothers for the fame that they had but she didn’t want this overarching feeling that she was being judged no matter what she did.

That’s what she was jealous of. That her brothers were so effortlessly liked. That no matter what they did someone would always support them. She wished to have that, she dreams of having that someday. She was jealous of other famous siblings who appeared as guests. That they were liked without any backlash.

How did they go on their siblings’ YouTube and not get any hate? What was different about her? Was it the fact that her brothers were attractive and their general audience was teenage girls? She wanted a normal life, she was jealous of those who had it.

Jealous was a vine of poison that just came out in different ways. And those who let jealousy consume them tried to hide it from everything and everyone.

✧༺✎༻∞

‘Tellin’ myself it’s the last time Can you spare any mercy that you might find, If I’m down on my knees again?’

She told herself that this was the last time she would put up with these comments. That this was the last time she would be affected by it. So, she set out to change it.

Except, she wasn’t the one who initiated the conversation. The boys had had enough as well. They were tired of seeing comments targeted towards their older sister. They were tired of seeing her be defeated in every one of their videos that she was in. They didn’t want her to be sad anymore.

The four put their heads together in order to solve this problem. After multiple accounts of this happening, they were tired and done. Through the next few videos, the boys said something. It wasn’t just a one-and-done thing, it was every video for the next five that they said it.

“If you are sending hate comments or anything negative to our sister please stop. She didn’t do anything to hurt you or us so there is no reason in the world to say shit.”

Sometimes all three of them piped in, but Nick was the one who said it most. She had been there for him countless times and he was pissed that this was happening. Matt and Chris chimed in, each expressing their feelings towards the subject.

“This isn’t just hurting her, it’s hurting us. We are not trying to make this about us whatsoever but she is hurting and this isn’t helping. So shut the fuck up and stop saying shit about her.”

And it helped. For a while at least. She was spared comments for numerous videos but they all slowly started to creep back in, most of them went unnoticed as they didn’t gain much attraction from anyone else in the comment section. They were buried deep and the three hadn’t noticed and neither did y/n.

Like many other things though, they gained attraction by other haters which caused them to retaliate. If they were allowed to say stuff then they were too. So over time the hate comments once again grew and grew. And once again, the boys shut them down.

“We were really hoping that this wouldn’t happen again. We are begging at this point, stop sending this stuff to our sister.”

“She didn’t do anything wrong so I don't know where in the world you all got that from.”

“We were being polite the first time and we still are trying, but if this continues we won’t be anymore.”

“If you can’t respect our wishes, then maybe you should stop watching our videos. We love our fans we do, but not the ones who attack our family members, especially for nothing except jealousy.”

✧༺✎༻∞

‘Deep down, way down, Lord, I try Try to follow your light, but it’s nighttime Please don’t leave me in the end’

She told her brothers she was trying. Not just for them but for herself. She wanted to get better and she meant that from the bottom of her heart. She was tired of being this version of herself, she wanted to get back to where she was before.

They were so proud of her, it was unbelievable. You could see the change in their videos, especially the day that she told them. They were very preppy and got along with each other exceptionally well. There were no fights in the video and they just had a good time talking about stuff with each other.

She started by changing her routine. She ate healthier foods, and got out of the house more often, even if it was just for a walk. She started to change her apartment by buying new things for it to make it look more like her. She started to work out, she really started to be herself again.

She tried so hard to do this, but the comments started to affect her again. It was an aggravating, endless cycle that she hated to do it. Every time she started to do better, they affected her and she was so over feeling this way.

The boys saw the change again too. And their sister hoped they wouldn’t leave her through this journey, It was important to her and it was important to have someone around for this. It wasn’t an easy thing to go through.

They didn’t leave her. Not once. They supported her and got her out of the house even when she didn’t want to. It was something they wouldn’t have done when they were younger. IF she wanted ot be left alone and stay inside all day, they let her. They weren’t going to go against their sister’s wishes.

But now that y/n was older and they were too, they were done with her trying to give in to the cycle. They wanted her to get better, they needed her to get better. They did everything they possibly could to make her feel like herself again.

✧༺✎༻∞

‘From the daylight, running from the daylight From the daylight, running from the daylight’

And slowly, she started to hide herself from the comments, because her mental health, and physical, were more important than anything that those people said. They didn’t matter.

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

@heyimselinb

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silenzahra · 23 days

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Today's the anniversary for me! ✨

I know the Mario Movie was released on April 5th 2023, but back then I was seeing the Holy Week processions with my dad, so I didn't get to go to the cinema until April 8th, which was a Saturday, and that was when everything changed for me 😌💚❤️

This is going to get a bit long, personal and emotional, so it's totally fine if you'd rather not read it! 💖

As I've mentioned, this movie saved my life simply because I was in a terrible place when it came out. Admittedly, I had been feeling a bit better that week thanks to the fact I was going out every day and was distracted and such, but my mind was still not totally... fine.

Until, at 8PM, the Mario Movie finally started and I spent the next hour and a half with a silly smile on my face, feeling like a little kid again and experimenting lots of feelings and emotions I hadn't felt in many months. Happiness. Joy. Laughter. A warm heart. Tension. Pure emotion. Excitement. Nostalgia. The urge to cry, though not from sadness.

And the need to get those cute brothers off the screen and give them each a big bear hug.

(Posted this edit on my Instagram account last Friday.)

Mario and Luigi did really save my life. I had already fallen for them long ago, when I was 13 and played Superstar Saga on my GBA, since that was the very first game that made me see these two as endearing and charming characters with a beautiful sibling bond based not only on love, but also trust, laughter and comfort.

And, in all honesty, seeing this movie, seeing that bond translated into it, was totally a dream come true. Aside from the M&L games, we don't really get to see much of these two taking care of each other (please correct me if I'm mistaken!). Also, I'm a 90s girl, so I had been wanting a good animated Mario movie since... I honestly can't remember. All I know is I used to watch the cartoons (specifically the one based on Super Mario Bros 3), and then I ran into the live action movie from 1993 and... Welp. Let's just say I'd rather forget it 😬 (Sorry if you did like it, it simply was NOT my cup of tea.)

And then this movie was announced, and every new trailer made me feel more and more hyped, and reminded me of my love for the Super Mario franchise. I had already been hyperfixated on it back in 2013-2016, when I played Dream Team and fell even harder for them (especially Luigi), and when I finally got to see this movie, that obsession came back stronger than ever.

I felt like a little child again. I went back to play my old favorite games. I listened to the ost on loop for months, and it ended up becoming my most listened album on Spotify last year.

And I also felt the urge to write again.

Writing has always been an important part of my life. I started at 8 and I simply couldn't stop. To me, it is like breathing, so when I spend some time away from writing, I'm not exaggerating when I say I feel a physical pain on my chest. And due to the bad place I was in, I had been away from it for way too many months.

It turns out all I needed was a dose of brotherly love in order to feel my fingertips tingling again with the urgent need to start writing.

So yeah. There are many things I have to celebrate today and to be thankful for. First of all: I'm alive, and happy, and better than ever, still struggling with anxiety and fears but feeling way better than I'd felt in the years before this film came out. I feel emotion, and joy, and will to continue living and enjoying life and fangirling and being myself. I feel connected to Mario and Luigi and my heart simply warms up every single time I think about them (which is 24/7 tbh).

And I'm writing again! 2023 was the year I've written the most in my entire life, and I owe it to this wonderful movie, and so far I've continued to write this year too, and that's also thanks to Mario and Luigi.

And of course, and more importantly, this film has led me to meet all of you, beautiful people, and I honestly couldn't be more grateful 🥹🫂💖 With you I can fangirl and scream and cry and be myself, and that's why I felt like sharing this with you guys, because I know you understand and share the feelings I've experimented these months since I first saw this movie. I love each and one of you with all my heart 💖💖💖

And after talking non-stop, I believe I kinda feel like finally showing my face here (the real one, not this one 😂), so... Here I go! 🤭👇

This is me today! 🤭 With lots of Mario stuff as you can see, and I even painted my nails to match the main characters! 💅

The blue is for Toad, the pink is for Peach, green and red for Luigi and Mario (obviously) and black for Bowser since he was played by Jack Black! 😁

Admittedly, I'm not very good at painting my nails because I'm not into makeup and such, but I do like to see them all painted, I think they look beautiful 🥰 Last year I used to paint them red and green all the time since I went not once, not twice, but thirteen times to see this movie, and every time wearing a different shirt 🤭 Though the one I'm wearing today is the one I wore exactly one year ago, as you can see here! 😁

I literally cannot remember when or where I bought it, but it was simply PERFECT to wear to go see this movie 😁 And you bet, when the Toad guard said that quote from the first Super Mario game, I went all silly in the cinema: "OMG my shirt!!!!!" 😂😂😂

And here are some pics from some of the other twelve times I went, and you can get a look at some of the Mario shirts I own! I may go and show them all together in a different post, and maybe also the earrings since I own a lot: red shrooms, superstars, fire flowers, green shrooms... Would you like that? 🥰

Now that I see it, I look a bit scared on the first one 😂 The green shirt I'm wearing on the second one is pure GOLD, and on the third one I kinda felt like I was taking a picture with Mario himself 😂😂😂

I did own some Mario merch before the movie came out, but last year I went and bought tons of it, including shirts, earrings, and of course plushies! 🤭

They look like a cute little family OMG aren't they ADORABLE I love them all so so much 😭❤️💚✨

So this is it! This is my little celebration of the first year since I saw for the first time the movie that saved my life 🥰 In all honestly, I would've liked to bring a fic or something, but as you all know, I went through a very hard Holy Week and I'm still not feeling totally ready to get back to writing (even though I've gotten a couple new ideas, for which I'm deeply grateful).

But I hope sharing my experience and feelings (and my face! 😂) is enough for this year, and let's hope I can bring a new Mario story to share with you guys very soon! 🥰

I love you all so so so so so so so so so so much!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

#super mario bros #mario movie #mario movie anniversary #face reveal #this is me!

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rinbowaman · 9 months

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Hey! Its my first time sending an ask hehe~ I just wanted to say that you’re such an amazing writer and your series are just sooooo good!!! 😍😍😍 I started getting into your account when I came across the smau for MRE and HHP and I gotta say, you got me hooked so bad onto Heethan that I end up loving all your Hee-leads so far! I’m so invested in HHP, SE7EN, DT and now TO! I’m honestly so excited to read a new chapter everytime you post hahaha! 🤭🤭

The main reason I wanted to send you this is cuz I’ve been having super stressful and bad days these past few days and its mainly cuz its my final year in college, final semester and final week actually 😅 and there’s just like sooo many final preparations needed to be done for my big final year project (having my big presentation today! soooo nervous) and its just been too much and too overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother anyone with my anxiousness so I’ve been keeping it all to myself and having slight panic attacks and just started having random breakdowns as I complete my assignments. Reading your series, whether its new chapters or just rereading older ones have given me comfort, like I really felt alone but its like Heethan, Heelel and the Heebros have become my comfort characters. It’s just been so overwhelming for me and I didn’t wanna bother my family with it, I only have one other friend that I trust with my whole life but rarely see her, we’re all busy and I just felt like I’m falling behind in everything. Even though the Hee-leads might be like crazy obsessed with the reader, its like I really needed them in my life just to have someone to drop everything just to hold and comfort me anytime life becomes too much for me. I’m actually crying while writing this to you hahaha… it just feels like everyone around me is moving so fast and I’m stuck at the back picking myself up just because I feel so overwhelmed and anxious easily. Turning 20 this year is another thing that has me feeling afraid of adulthood, my mum is pressuring me into getting a job immediately once I graduate but I just feel like I’m not ready, or I’m just not ready to give up my teenage freedom and socialise professionally. Being such an introvert and shy and always thinking I’m just dumb and cant do work without help has been holding me back from wanting to grow and enjoy this new chapter in life.

So sorry for this long ass rant but i just really needed to let you know how much your stories, your Hee-leads have been keeping me going. Excited for the next chapters of your series! Hope you’re having a great day❣️

Omg so....I LOVE THIS.....this is so heartwarming and thank you for sharing it with me. Also, thank you for discovering my blog so you can write this to me, bc as you may have figured, receiving asks are just....its so nice. its a nice and wonderful surprise to hear from readers interesting in my work, wanting to know more about the characters and so forth. I am just beyond touched that heethan, heelel, and heebrows have made their way into your heart and to provide you comfort. in fact, reading your message had reminded me of a piece that i had started to draft (it was originally supposed to be a part of one of the HHP chapters but i never went through with it) but i still had it in my folders so after i finished reading your message, I decided to go back and actually finish it and format it specifically for you as y/n. I hope you like it. <3

Heeseung's Message.....

MDNI18+ content below the line.

Warnings: mentions of losing loved ones, fears and worries about the future, smut, car smut, unprotected smut, some....just some sadness....its a very heartwarming and touching piece.

"What's wrong baby?"

Noting how silent you were in the car, right after he picked you up, Heeseung rubbed your thigh, gently shifting your skirt upwards as he softly slid his hand up and down, enveloping you with warmth and comfort. "Something on your mind pretty baby?"

Placing your hand on his, you grabbed hold semi-tightly, keeping your gaze out at the window. You were hesitant at first, noting that Heeseung had a busy schedule of his own, was on his way of finishing his last year in college, aiding his professors, and of course, there was you....picking you up from classes, dropping you off every morning, taking you wherever you needed to go. You appreciated it but the man had completely devoted his time to everything else, you felt it selfish to bring any matters up to him....feeling that whatever time he did have left within the evening, he should at least have it for himself.

"It's nothing." You sighed out.

Glancing over to you, he furrowed his brows and quickly shifted the wheel, stirring the car over to a nearby parking lot on one of the campus buildings.

"What are you....?" raising up in your seat, you looked around before turning your gaze over to Heeseung, who steered the wheel with one hand and in a smooth motion, parked the car. Unbuckling his seatbelt, his gaze meets with yours before he reaches up and places his hand behind your head, softly grabbing onto your hair as he leans in and rests his forehead against yours.

"Whats wrong? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? I wanna know. Tell me, y/n."

His eyes were wide and his expression was fierce with rage, however, before he further ventured off into a spiraling path of unhinged presumptions, you reached up and latched your fingers onto his collar, placing a dainty kiss on his lips. "Its not that....I promise nothing like that happened."

Raising his brows and tilting his head, he releases the gentle grip he had on your hair, and replaced it with a soft, petting motion. "Then why are you being so quiet? You seem upset, what is it?"

Looking down at the console for just a second, you raise your sights once more to meet his and began talking.

".....Are you ever scared about the future, Heeseung?"

His face was taken slightly aback as he raised both brows and looked at you with an intent look.

"Is that what this is about? Are you feeling overwhelmed about moving?"

Shaking your head, you looked down once more as you shyly clarified. "Nooo.....its not just that....its more..."

"Like what baby?"

"Like....after the moving.....finishing college, being in an unfamiliar country, not knowing anybody, making new friends, meeting your family, being apart from mine, learning a new language, finding a job after college, and what if I have to do more college? Or ...." pausing, you caught yourself drifting in verbal thought.

"Or....?" He draws out as he bids you to finish your statement.

"Or........what if....what if something happens and we........you know.....what if we just...."

Squinting his eyes slightly, his expression looked a little irked as he rolled his tongue in his mouth. "That's never going to happen y/n. You know that."

"Yeah but....."

"But what?" Slightly annoyed, he closed his eyes for a second, tilted his chin down, and lifted his lids to expose a rather stern and rather angry look. Yet the moment he saw that your eyes began to glisten, shining like diamonds as the tears started to build up, you looked down once more, unable to look him square in the eye as you felt the first tear break free and drip down on the leather padding of the console.

Watching as you faintly sobbed, he nearly felt his heart break into two. He gasped out a faint breath as he reached over with his other hand and cupped your face, no longer expressing a look of annoyance.

"Hey......why? What's making you think that way? Am I not showing you enough love? You know whatever it is you want, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make it happen."

"Its not that i just........there's just some things we can't predict about the future Heeseung......what if some day......what if you stop loving me......or worse.....what if something happens and I no longer have you? What if....just.......you never know.....is it wrong for me to hope for the best, but expect the worse? Because...you know that life can be so unfair some times....and I....I....I'm scared because....I dont even know....what I'm scared of sometimes. I wake up every single morning not even knowing how to live life because there's so many things that I think about....so many things that are thrown at me all at once and I just.....I feel like sometimes......I might fail......I feel like sometimes.....I will let you down.......I feel like its not the world, its me.........its me that's broken, not you or anyone else."

You gasped out tears and soft cries as you spoke straight from the heart. For the first time, Heeseung had sincerely considered if going to Korea was the best option, at least just for a second before he reminded himself of the future that he had waiting for him.....a future that would allow him to continue to keep you....safe....and with him.

Shifting his sights around on the floor bed of the car, his thumbs stroke your cheeks, wiping away the continuous flow of tears that were now coming down harder than before. Gulping down a hard swallow, he turns back to face you.

"Baby.........look at me....please look at me."

Looking up into his gaze, your eyes red, swollen, with eyelashes drenched and your face stained with wet trails of all your fears leaving their mark. With a soft smile, he calmly speaks.

"You're right.....that is tough. There's a lot that we can't control in the future....its precarious, and we're literally just pawns on the board of this silly game called life, where God and the universe are taking turns making each move. It can be cruel, unfair, and tormenting. Its something that we can either overcome with great strife and hard work."

"But what happens if we work so hard and it.....it just doesnt work out? What if everything just falls apart Heeseung?"

"We wont know unless it happens y/n......the thing about the future, as much as we want it here in the present, so we can see and view what it has in store for us, thats....just not the way it works. That's not the way we work....we're not designed to know those things. We didn't become strong because we cheated, we became strong and survived because we, as humans, learned....the hard way."

Looking into his eyes, your vision started to become blurry all over as the next set of tears built up. Smiling as he continued to wipe your tears away, he continues.

"Y/n....for thousands of years, people have fallen, lost, and suffered at the creativity of the universe. Yet we never gave up......people had an urge to survive. Which is why at times, even when the entire world was on fire, times where a soldier never comes home, a woman loses her child, or when a doctor just doesnt have a cure.....we keep moving....we get back up and learn how to walk again. I can't sit here and tell you that I know that everything is going to be great.....I dont know. But what I do know.....is this...."

Shifting his hands down to your waist, he lifts you with his core strength as his abdominal muscles flexed under his shirt. Bringing you over onto his lap, he sat you down in a princess style as he cradled you against his chest.

"No matter what happens....I'm going to be there. I'm going to be there and I'm going to help you, just like you're going to help me. I'll never let anything happen to you....and.....you never have to worry about me not loving you .....noooooooo pretty baby......that's never going to happen, not loving you would be the worst offense against Heaven and humanity. As far as if anything were to happen to me...."

The moment Heeseung touched on that part of the subject, you sobbed uncontrollably against his neck.

"Heeeeeey, come on now. Nothing's even happen, why are you acting like that's a for sure thing?" he chuckles out as he kisses your forehead. "Listen..." Taking your hand in his, he continues.

"I'm not going anywhere......I'm not. I know this because I know what is living for me......you. I will never abandon you. Even if something did happen, you know i'm always going to be with you. You know how?"

Shaking your head, he brushes your hair away from your face.

"Moments like this baby. Every time we talk, touch, feel each other, love, eat, sleep, kiss, and when I fuck your brains out...." gripping onto your waist tightly, he presses his forehead against your own once more. "All the things we do, they never leave. So.......if there is ever a time where I am not physically here......you're always going to remember how i feel..." gliding his hand from your waist, he reaches down and gently trails it upwards under your skirt, his fingers reaching into your panties.

"You're going to remember my touch..." kissing your neck, he latches his mouth onto your soft spot under your ear, and rings the tip of his tongue around in slow circular motions.

"You're going to remember my scent...." with his free hand, he reaches behind your head and gently pushes your face inward, causing your nose to become burrowed in his thatch of dark long, shaggy hair, inhaling the scent of his cool-mint cologne and his shampoo.

"You'll also remember what I taste like...." placing a soft peck on the spot he was sucking on, he tilts his head up slightly and brings your head down to kiss him.

"And best of all......pretty baby.......you're going to remember what it feels like when I fuck you......when I love you." Shifting your body to face forward, your back completely spooned by his chest and groin as you both remained seated in the drivers side, he spreads your legs open by pushing our inner thighs apart. You were so caught up with the sensual four play, you hadn't realized that he tore off your panties. Unbuttoning your blouse, exposing your breasts, he shifts you up as he levels his length to align with your slit, before proceeding to enter inside you. Feeling full of his flesh, you moaned out as the overwhelming sense of pleasure hits you........taking you away from the abysmal depths of your fears and worries.

Steadying you in a reverse cowgirl position, filing you, his cock melts inside you as he begins thrusting slow and steady, picking up the pace as your walls become more moist.

"You feel me pretty baby?"

"Y-yes!"

"Yeah? You gonna remember me forever?"

"Y-yes...yes! He-Heeseung!"

"You gonna remember what this feels like?"

"Yes!"

"What does it feel like baby? Tell me."

"F-f......fe-feels......ssss......goood......soo....soo.goood....ugh!"

"Harder or faster baby?"

"ugh! both! please both!"

Thrusting repeatedly, your body falls limp as he holds you upright, with one arm wrapped around your waist, and his other hand shifting a grip between your neck and your exposed breast, he muffles your moans and screams with his mouth as he swallows every single bit of your precious tones.

"Gonna cum for me?"

"Y-ye.....yes!...yes.......ugh! He-Heeseung!"

"Yeah? You gonna cum because you're a good girl?"

"Mmm!mmmmmm....mmmhmmm!....ugh!"

"You my good girl?"

"Y....yes!!"

"Yeah you are.......now fucking cum on me. Let me feel it."

Adding more depth to each thrust, you gasped out your screams of pleasure as he rams his cock deep inside, separating new found walls and extracting the moisture out of your body. Reaching orgasm and releasing all over his member, your thighs shake relentlessly.

"Good girl.....my turn."

Cupping your lower tummy, he pushes in and feels his thick length as it slides in and out, he found it amusing how your sensitive body could take him like this, especially feeling it inside you as he was doing right now. Jacking his member deep inside you at a rapid and hard momentum, he finally reaches his moment and with one last punctured thrust, he bucks his hips upward as he shoves you down, mashing your bodies together as he releases inside and fills your body up.

Pulling your head back as he latches his mouth on your neck yet again, suckling as your body bounces rigorously from the tenacity of his performance.

Feeling the pleasure of his tainted love, you somehow were to understand his message clearly, all due to Heeseung extracting you from your fears......which he had done before, back when Samuel sent you his email......back when you and Heeseung came together for the first time.....the start of your guys story. Just as he did back then, he helped you to understand, that the reality of what life gives, is never necessarily the ending to your story. The more he kept pumping into you, the more you were reminded of that clarity. Yea sure, you still felt scared, but knowing that if at first you dont succeed....reach happiness.....or if things just dont work out, you can and should always, try-try again. A lesson you were always reminded of, all thanks to Heethan.

Authors note: Lol, sooooooo...yeah this original draft did have some smut....and i was going to take it out but it was too crucial for me to do so. I hope you dont mind that. But, this chapter was originally drafted, back a few months ago. I had this thought in my head, since I have only taken a few college courses, and am about to start back up on it, I was feeling so dreadful and felt too nervous about doing well. I want to succeed in reaching my educational goals....but what also kind of bugged me was....will i still find time to write? I love writing, truly do. Mainly because it brings other people joy and brings out their most inner feelings. I had so much on my mind that time that i had began drafting this, but as i was writing it, i left it unfinished bc honestly, when i drafted heethan's message.....literally its like his voice was telling me what to write....i felt better. like it was a nice little reminder....realistic...very rational....and honest...but still positive and holds truth. there's a lot of things we can't control, but we should never give up. Its okay to be scared and to worry, that's natural, and that is exactly why people such as myself are here, writing these chapters and stories for you all because i know that there is such a thing called 'life' and sometimes....we just need a break from it to refresh ourselves. I know you have alot on your plate, but dont worry because everything will be more than fine. We have to pace ourselves, work hard, but also rest, and play from time to time. Eat and drink well, and finish strong. finish college, work with your mother and teach her to work with you, if you dont get the job you really want, no big deal. no matter what job you get, if its one you dont want, nothing lasts forever. just think that whatever you do now, it is only making you more marketable for the dream goal you have. I hope you continue strong because while you do have alot on your plate, you've been slaying....you've been killing it! and that's a major accomplishment in itself, last of year of college? woohoo! finish strong!

So now i should apologize for responding with the longest post ever lol. but i really hope this makes you feel better. Reading your message had reminded me of this piece and i am so glad you sent it to me because....looking at it now...and actually finishing it......this was something that was meant to be published and shared. bc it holds an important message for all of us. <3

Enjoyed this piece? Show love and treat your girl to a cup of coffee. ♥️

☕ Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/reinbow

#heeseung x reader #heeseung scenarios #heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #enha x reader #heeseung hard thoughts #heeseung fanfic #enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #enha heeseung #yandere enhypen #yandere x reader #yandere heeseung imagines #yandere heeseung

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wonderbias · 1 year

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Secrets (your fire)

Inspired by "Symptom of your Touch" by @yoonivy. Go read it!

Pairing: Modern!Aemond Targaryen x Reader.

Genre: Fluff, little bit of angst and humor.

Warnings: language, mentions of sexual relationships.

Notes: after more than ten years in tumblr reading fanfiction I'm publishing my first one. Yep. I'm old. Also, inspired in Magdalena Bay song Secrets (your fire).

Word count: idk, in google docs says "short".

---------------------------------------------------

She is petrified at the confession.

So much that she almost chokes on her ice cream.

No. All good.

The almond went through the right pipe.

"So...", she begins. "How many times?"

He stares back at her, his angular cheekbones covered in a blush. Her stare is one of 'Really dude?'.

He sighs.

"...too many to count," replies Aemond. His hand runs across his medium length hair.

"Holy fucking hell! And now...?"

"She's very happy with Aegon, the jewel of the family," Aemond says, the venom in his voice evident. "They started dating after...the last time, yeah. Been together for six months."

She stares back at him and sighs, when she asked him what was his most important secret, she hadn't expected this. Her confession of being a virgin at 21 was just a tiny detail next to the bomb he had dropped. Suddenly she had no appetite for ice cream.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this.", she said, leaning close to softly caress his shoulder.

His face fell, the look of despair in his eyes was replaced with rage. Although, there still was a sadness undertone to it.

"You know what the worst part is? That the cunt of my brother knows, he fucking knew all the time! So now I have to live with the humiliation of him knowing, the heartbreak and having been used like a common whore!", he spat.

She sighed, his hurt and angst was evident.

"I wouldn't say like a common whore...at least whores get paid," she tried to joke with him.

Bingo. Success. He smiled a little at that.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that...dark version of 'The Kissing Booth'. But hey...at least she dumped you before she caught an STD from Aegon," she joked with a wiggle of her brows.

He burst in laughter and threw her a pillow.

"You fucking idiot. Thank you," and there was sincerity and affection in his eyes for his best friend. "So, is that an confession that you watched 'The Kissing Booth'?"

"Yes I did watch it, I washed my eyes with sulphuric acid after," she said with amusement in her voice. "But, let's go back to 'That Girl'. Are you better? The therapy is working?"

"I-I like to think it does. I've changed...a lot...since I started therapy. It helped me to finally appreciate myself, but when 'That Girl' is brought up I feel like I haven't made any progress. Now my insecurities are tied with the probability of being alone forever and that I'm unworthy of love," he said with a sigh, his fingers scratching the couch.

"Well, that makes two of us. But mine is being alone forever, that I'm unworthy of love and dying a virgin," she said back to him. "I win."

He laughed at her and shook his head in disbelief, before changing the topic into what movie should they watch, like every Sunday.

Their friendship had started in the most bizarre way. They didn't share a major in Dorne College and they lived far away from each other but, by destiny, they had registered in a seminar of Literature at college last semester.

The first time they had talked to each other had happened when they arrived ten minutes earlier to class and started a small talk about their majors. When fifteen minutes had passed and nobody else had arrived they realized that the class was a Thursday, not a Tuesday like they had individually thought.

A small error had blossomed into a great friendship. They both had trouble socializing, very few friends and an interest in novels of any kind, especially fanfiction. When he had, by error, sent her a link to an AO3 fanfic, she had screamed in delight at sharing the same tastes.

It felt magical to have someone who completely understood you, who understood the fascination for reading fanfics where #BruceWayneisaGoodParent, who had the same humor in memes, who knew the references to Epic Rap Battles of History and who screamed in longing at the scene where Cecilia asked Robbie to come back to her in Atonement.

It was perfect.

Well, except for that small small detail...

She liked him.

A lot.

#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #aemond x fem!reader #hotd fanfic #hotd imagine #mine

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mikuyuuss · 2 months

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I just went to the kny premiere and this is my OOTD.

Since my hair is partially dyed pink, I went for a Mitsuri inspired look. I braided my hair, wore her shirt (that I got from the swordsmith premiere) and wore all her colors (pink white jacket, green skirt, and flower patterned socks.) Also close up of my pink hair below.

I got this idea when me and my friend were window shopping for clothes. We were talking abt which clothes the kny characters would wear and which ones our oc would wear too, so that's how we thought of doing some casual cosplay during the priemere.

My friend went for a subtle Tengen look, with a simple black outfit, since Tengen doesnt wear a haori. He also wore some jewelry as an homage to Tengens flashiness. He also loves Zenitsu so ofc he wore a Zenitsu bag.

The theater has less people and wasn't as lively as the Swordsmith premiere, probably cuz we went at the wrong time, but hey, more room for us to be unhinged without disrupting anyone tho haha. (I was sad not to see any cosplayers, we intended to bring our cosplayer friend too, but she was busy)

There was a display so we took lots of pictures. We even made sure to stand next to our fictional crushes, me with Giyuu and my friend with Tengen.

Anyways here's what I thought abt the movie so far

-first of all I LOVE IT. I have no idea how much I miss seeing the rest of the characters so much. The Hashira Training arc is an arc that I really adore, bc it's one of the few moments where we get to see the characters slow down a bit. My friend says he finds it to be the most boring arc, but idk, with all the action in KNY I dig for some "boringness" once in awhile. Also we were joking abt how this arc is like the "school festival arc" or "beach episode" of KNY, again, one of the reasons to love this arc.

-I Never thought much about Sanemi and Obanai's dynamic before. I just know they are a besties, but this filler really made me interested in them! Snake breathing and Wind breathing visuals were just sooo cool!!

-Have I mention that I miss the cast so much, but also I find myself foaming at the mouth everytime I see Giyuu 💀🤣 I noticed that there seems to be a sad piano music that's playing when he was trying to leave the meeting (I wonder if that is his ost) meanwhile my friend is foaming at the mouth everytime he sees Tengen.

-I feel bad for anyone in the butterfly estate who had to sleep next to Zenitsu and Inosuke. XD

-Also it's so nice to see some Kanao and Shinobu moment! Shinobu looks extra gorgeous I noticed. They really yassified her this season, and I'm not complaining. Also I like how even after Giyuu left, Shinobu tried her best to include him when they were discussing the pillar training. I wish they didnt cut it short though, I wanna know what they talk about Giyuu behind close doors so bad lol.

-Mitsuri's "Tanjiro speech" was so well executed and adorable, and just when I thought it couldn't get more expressive in the manga, then they even added her ost, and it was just perfect! Kanahana knock it out of the park with this one too! Even if there weren't alot of people watching. I did hear some giggles in this scene (including ourselves)

-Overall, it was a very satisfying watch. I really enjoy this arc for being some of the slower moments before the storm that is the final arc, and I think they managed to nail that! All the little things such as the filler of Tamayo being informed about Shinobu helping her, and some scenes that were rearranged, made the flow of the story go more smoothly.

-Also yes the op really slaps.

Speaking of our cosplayer friend that we mentioned before, after we were done with movie, it's almost as if there was some fate or foreshadowing going on bc we did end up stumbling upon her (though not in cosplay) and we ended up going back to take better pictures with her in it!

#personal #kny #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba

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chaosduckies · 24 days

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Restoration (Chapter 6)

I had no idea what to do with this chapter, but it’s going to mostly lead up to something that’s going to happen later on! So mostly a filler chapter just because why not?

Word Count: 5.1k

CW: Slight mentions of suicide, slight trigger warnings, serious overthinking

6-Nathan

A week has passed since that night. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just hugged him. How embarrassed I’ve felt since then. How awkward I feel when I’m near Ryker. Even though he wasn’t at all bothered by it. It hasn’t left my mind. I just feel so embarrassed by it. I mean, we barely knew each other and I just went up and gave him a makeshift hug? Not something people do on an ordinary basis. But still, I haven’t forgotten the way he gently pressed one of his fingers against my back to return the gesture. Somehow I was terrified, but also… grateful? Happy? Whatever the word for it was, it just felt nice.

I spent that entire week trying to talk to him again, but I guess the adrenaline rush was the only reason I could get those few words out to him. Of course, because I can never get anything to work out in my favor. Typical Nathan.

Well, during that week, my mom had taken off from work to be with me, since she’s apparently realized that I’ve “been in and out of it,” This entire week. Which I have, I just didn’t think she’d really notice. But of course she does, because she’s a parent and a nurse. How could she not notice?

She asked me everyday for the past five days after school how everything was going. I would always reply with a smile and say, “It’s good.” Even though in some cases I was lying. Sometimes at school I would stare off into space, not paying attention to anything anyone ever said. Or sometimes when Ryker was talking I would just cave in on myself and ask: Why am I even here? What was wrong with me? Heck, even Ryker has noticed and tried confronting me about it. He told me I didn’t have to answer, and I didn’t. Afraid that I would ruin whatever friendship we’ve made. Or if he even considers us friends. Though, I doubt that was a possibility.

I had no idea what was wrong with me. Ever since that… hug, I’ve been nothing but a mess. Was it the unbelievable act I thought I could never do again? The way I felt about it afterward? Was it the fact that I wanted to talk so bad, but I couldn’t? Mom can’t know about any of this. She’s already heartbroken enough, and I’d hate myself even more if I dropped this bombshell on her. This is why I needed my dad. Even when I was younger I was always timid and shy and I overthought plenty of things. He’d help me by saying that I should put all of those bad thoughts into a jar and throw it far, far away. But that was when I was a kid. What about now?

Mom was really worried about me. I could tell. But I was fine. I think. Probably not. Either way, she called the school counselor in hopes that whatever was going on with me would go away. I knew she hated seeing me so sad. I remember when we were still… trapped she used to try to keep my happy by playing little games, or telling me made up stories. As I grew older she tried her best to keep me from crying, trying her hardest to keep me happy. Even after dad died.

So, this was the week I had started to take counseling after school every Monday and Thursday for forty minutes a day. On top of that, she also contacted Mrs. Kay for whatever reason, and she’s told me that she wants to work with me for at least twenty minutes everyday after class. Great, right? So much for a normal life. I thought I could give it another chance and all of a sudden people are just trying to overwhelm me when I wanted to solve this mystery on my own.

It was a grueling morning. It was raining, hard. Thunder had sounded above the entire city, making me jump. Stupid right? A seventeen year old scared of thunder? I have a good reason. I think. Didn’t matter.

I groaned, forcing myself out of bed. This was going to be a long day. I already knew it. It was raining, mom was passed out on the couch, and my body felt like it was going to give up on me at any moment. And luckily that stupid little project thing was over so I could finally take my regular classes. I just hoped Mrs. Kay wouldn’t assign anything crazy again. She probably would though.

I didn’t bother eating breakfast. Just grabbing my backpack on the way out and making my way to the bus before I was late. Nothing to it. The same routine as the past month.

The school looked as gloomy as ever. Of course it did. It was Monday. The halls were filled with people talking by their class, or running down the hall like there was no tomorrow. Isn’t it too early in the morning to be doing all of that? I was barely waking up. Either way, I went by unnoticed by the crowd of people and made it to class.

I admit it felt weird not having a looming presence above me at all times. Was that a good thing? I have no idea, but it makes me kind of miss the one-sided conversations Ryker likes to start up. I miss it a lot. Even though I never talked, I loved listening. I was so weird. Before all of this mess, I wanted nothing to do with him, and here I am wishing for his company. Why couldn’t I just be normal?

The classes were the same as always. Nothing new to it. Then it was lunch. The time period in school where anything can happen. Especially with that encounter a couple weeks back… I shuddered at the thought, reaching the cafeteria. So many people. Too many people. I forgot how crowded it was being on this side.

Searching for the table I sat at before I had met anyone, I found that it was taken by a group of girls. Nope. Not getting that back. Especially since I know that no one would willingly sit in the far corner. I sighed, searching for a table that was open, and not finding any. Could I just sit with Ryker again? I asked myself. It would be nice, but I don’t think he wants to see me. At least not until last period. I wouldn’t want to be bothered by me either if I were him.

“Boo.” I jumped, catching my breath while Lucky was laughing so hard he starting coughing. I was not expecting that at all. I thought he would just forget about me. Especially since the “project” was over. I just thought I was another name to be remembered once they all graduate.

“Sorry, sorry, but you’re so easy to scare,” He chuckles, “Wanna come sit with us?”

It takes my mind a while to process what just happened, “Wh-who’s ‘us?’”

“Just Ryker and me. Dylan had a basketball game so I’m all alone.” Lucky shrugged casually. Did I want to sit with them? Yes. Of course I do. I was just afraid I might zone out like I have been for the past week. What if I get scared again? What would happen then? They would all drop me and I’d be all alone again…

I was about to shake my head before Lucky grabbed my wrist and guided us through the cafeteria to where Ryker always sits. Away from everyone else… I gulped, seeing him stare bored at whatever was playing on his phone. This was a bad idea. Who told me I could even do this? No one. Lucky just dragged me here. And there was a tiny feeling of gratefulness that he did.

Lucky guided me into the elevator with him. It was silent on the way up, and I couldn’t help but notice the way Lucky looked at me like he was worried. Was it because I kept fidgeting with my hands? Was it because I couldn't look straight ahead? Or was it because he’s noticed something was wrong with me just like everyone else has? Probably the last one.

“Why do… you look nervous?” Lucky had asked before the elevator made that same ding sound it always does. I didn’t take a step forward, and neither did Lucky. Nervous? I have no idea.

“I-um… I don’t know.” I let out a sad chuckle, trying my best to give a genuine smile. Lucky gave a skeptical look, “If I promise not to tell will you tell me?”

Do I trust that? I do. I really, really do. I had no reason not to trust Lucky. Even if I didn’t know what I was so nervous about. I don’t get why everyone was so concerned either! I was a nobody. Just another person trying his hardest to live an impossible normal life. Maybe I should have stayed at the hospital…

“I really don’t know though.” I muttered, looking down at the ground. Lucky gave another skeptical look before guiding me out of the elevator. I still almost ended up tripping over my own two feet per usual. What was going on with me lately?

“Hey Ry.” Lucky greeted, smiling and heading over to watch whatever Ryker was watching on his phone like it was nothing. What was I supposed to do now? I can’t… What? My thoughts were a jumbled up mess. I don’t even know what I was thinking at this point. Does Ryker even want me here? No, no he doesn’t. He’s tired of me. I already know it. Everyone gets tired of me eventually. I’m either “Impossible to deal with,” or, “Not worth the time.” A messed up system, right?

“Hey,” He sighed, his eyes wandering towards me and flashing a soft smile, “Hi, Nathan.”

I didn’t know what to do. Was he acting? It didn’t really seem like it. He also didn’t seem like the kind of person to act in a situation like this. Still, there was no telling. Maybe he just didn’t want to break the news to me like this? Yeah. Most likely.

I raised a shaky hand, giving a wave and a nervous smile in hopes that Ryker wouldn’t catch on. He didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from giving a confused expression as if he was trying to put together a puzzle. Hah. As if you could solve my puzzle. I’ve lost so many pieces it’s practically impossible. I’ve tried to solve it myself many times and failed miserably.

Ryker dragged his attention back to the movie on his phone, looking bored. What was I supposed to do now? We used to watch that hilarious cop show, but I think he only put it on to keep me from being bored and bothering him at this point. Was it all an act? Did he just play along with whatever happened? He didn’t hug me back because he wanted to? He forced himself to do all of those things just so he wouldn’t be bothered? Was I tricked again?

I’m overthinking.

One step at a time. I said I wanted to give life one more chance, so that’s what I’m going to do. Even if this was all some kind of sick act. Even if I get hurt. I sucked in a deep breath, and sat next to Lucky, watching the events on the theater-sized screen in front of me. Usually I sat further back, but I was afraid of being alone at the moment.

Even though I was scared out of my mind, there was also some other kind of feeling lingering in the back of my mind. I felt comfortable. Surprisingly after everything that’s been going on inside my head. I was too used to being around Ryker. That doesn’t mean I was comfortable being around any giant though. I had nearly an entire month of forced contact with him. Of course I’d be more lenient towards him. Especially after he’s made no move in those past four months to imprison me and keep me as some kind of pet or entertainment.

“Bell’s gonna ring.” Ryker grabbed his phone from in front of us, stuffing it back into his pocket and holding his hand palm-up. Why though? We can just take the elevat-

Lucky quickly pulled his backpack on and climbed on, waiting for me to follow. I guess I didn’t have any other choice. Lucky helped me on, and we both managed to fall over on top of each other somehow. Lucky laughed while I hurried to get up, muttering quiet apologies to him.

“It’s nothing. It happens with Angela all the time.” Lucky smiled. Ryker cupped his hand a bit and started walking towards the doors to get out of the cafeteria. Just in time too, because the bell rang and everyone was now rushing to get to class all of a sudden. I stopped looking back, afraid that the panic attack I’ve been fighting back for the past month would suddenly resurface. Nope. Everything will be okay. I think. Hopefully.

Ryker crouched down at the part of the hallway that leads back to the human side of the school, letting us down. He barely even talked to me. In fact, the only time he was even talking to either Lucky and I was when we arrived at the table. Was he okay? I couldn’t tell anymore. I just hope that I’m not the cause.

———Ryker———

Today was not a good day. For more than one reason. One reason being that I had work afterschool today. Another being that I woke up late today due to staying up until about two in the morning because I needed to finish cleaning. And my third reason was the fact that I’m ninety nine percent sure I messed everything up with Nathan.

In the last week of that “project” I noted that Nathan didn’t really seem to be… himself? Of course I barely knew him and he could have something going on at home, but something just felt off. Maybe it was just that one tiny moment that Friday? Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to hug him back? Did I do or say something wrong to upset him? It didn’t really make sense in my head. I thought everything was going good. So why all of a sudden did he seem timid and nervous around me?

It was that entire week. I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted to talk about it. Nathan just shook his head and gave the best makeshift smile he could manage. I knew something was wrong and that it had something to do with me. And today proved it. It seemed like we were back at step one.

Was Nathan okay? I remember asking one time and receiving a shake of his head, but I never once thought if he did it just to answer or if he really meant it. I guess I have my answer now. I don’t know why I was so worried honestly. Maybe because in my brain I pretty much consider Nathan and I friends? I have zero idea if he thinks the same, but I hoped so.

I forced myself through these next grueling classes, waiting for last period. I hadn’t talked to Nathan at lunch because it really didn’t seem like he was up for it at the time. I don’t want to overstep his boundaries either. What if he just wants to be left alone? I have no idea what was going on in his mind as I’ve said before, so that could be a possibility?

Mrs. Kay had nothing being projected on the board today, which meant it was either a free day or it was some kind of lecture on relationships between human and giants. Something that this world apparently is so focused on. I guess that’s a good thing though.

After a couple minutes of waiting, I heard the faint ding noise that comes from the elevator and watched as Nathan stumbled out, figuring out a way to trip once again. I’ve wondered for a while why he had always found a way to trip over thin air, but I could never figure it out. Maybe he was just clumsy? It would make sense, but that can’t be the only reason, right? Still, every time he fell my hand twitched to try and help, but I already knew that would tumble everything downhill. Especially now.

Mrs. Kay had announced that today was a free day since she still had to put in some grades. Would it be overstepping if I asked if Nathan was okay again? Maybe to him, but I was already feeling guilty for being the cause of why he seems so upset.

“Are you finally glad that you don’t have to be carried around by me anymore?” I nervously laughed, hoping for him to answer. Just build up. That was the way to do this.

Nathan turned around, thinking about the question before rotating his hand sideways. Kind of? Honestly, that was expected because even Lucky gets tired of being carried around everywhere. Speaking of… Lucky told me something about Nathan making brownies? I’m pretty sure that was on Friday, I just don’t know when he did. But Lucky and Angela absolutely loved them. And Angela had showed me a new stuffed animal that Nathan had bought for her too. In return, she drew a picture of Nathan with some of her crayons and my heart practically melted.

“Oh, um, Angela has a gift for you. Y’know… for the stuffed animal you bought her?” I smiled. I think it was sweet. I don’t know why he thought he needed gifts though, everyone already thought he was nice already. I guess he just wanted to make sure that no one thought bad of him?

Nathan’s eyes widened and pointed to himself with an unsure look. Was he confused why? I don’t even know why either. I shrugged my shoulders. Nathan brought his knees up to his chest and stared at the ground, deep in thought. Did I do something wrong again? I guess now would be the time to bring up the topic.

“I know you’re probably not going to answer me, and that’s okay! But, do you wanna talk about something? You just don’t… look okay.” I bit the side of my cheek in hopes that he’ll give me some kind of a response. He probably thinks I’m annoying at this point. Even I think I am at this point. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even asked.

Nathan shook his head, putting on a makeshift smile. He was lying. But, if he doesn’t want to talk to me then I won’t force him to. There was nothing I could do. Although, I’m sure a teacher or even his parents would have noticed this. If they haven’t already, then it would be soon. Most likely they’ll just get a therapist or he’ll eventually tell someone about whatever was going through his mind.

The rest of the time was spent asking him how his weekend was. How it felt to be back on his schedule. You know, questions to keep his mind off of things. I think it was working. At least for a little before the last bell of the day rang. I gave a two fingered wave to Nathan, receiving a shaky one back and left the room. I still felt bad.

———Nathan———

Remember when I said today was going to be a bad day? I wasn’t kidding. The one-sided conversation with Ryker helped get rid of the uneasiness of going to the counselors office. But as soon as the final bell rang it all came flooding back. Last period wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not bad at all. Not until that loud bell rang, and the entire classroom rushed to get out.

On my way down the hallway to the counselor’s office, I couldn’t stop thinking about what could possibly go wrong. They might give up on me too. They might tell me to just go home. Or they might send me back to the mental hospital. I mean, it’s not that bad of a place when you don’t have any friends waiting for you, but there were some things that I hated. No contact with the outside world, they make you take these dumb classes to help “calm the mind.” Like yoga or where you would pass a foam ball around and tell everyone your name and what you were there for. I never, ever took part in that exercise.

Sucking in a deep breath, I knocked quietly on the door that read, “Counsellor Office. Mr. Smith” I didn’t exactly know how these kinds of things worked. All I knew is that no one liked them.

“You must be Nathan! Please take a seat. Anywhere is fine.” Mr Smith was a tall man. He look about in his late thirties early forties, but he looked so friendly and calm. His voice was trusting and soft as well. I can’t wait till he starts talking behind my back about how impossible I was.

His office was like any other office I’ve been in. Other than the two different colored bean bags that sat in the corner by a small book case that had a tiny tv above it with movies on the side. This room was nothing like any therapist room I’ve been in. Usually they’re cold and only have a singular couch with magazines about eating healthy and being mentally healthy. Not that those ever helped me.

I decided to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk, fidgeting with my hands the entire time. Mr. Smith walked over to his own chair, taking out a notebook and gave another soft smile.

“Nervous? Most students are when they walk in here,” He chuckled, grabbing a pen, “Do you mind telling me your name and how old you are?” I thought he knew that already.

I opened my mouth to speak, “N-Nathan… I’m seventeen.” Curse the stuttering. Today was already hard enough, why does everything go downhill after I feel good about something?

“Nice to meet you, Nathan. I’m Garrett Smith, thirty-seven years old, and I have a PhD in psychology.” PhD? Then why is he working as a school counsellor? He could be an actual therapist and won’t have to deal with so many kids. This guy was confusing, but I feel somewhat comfortable around him. Even though we met barely three minutes ago.

“Now, your mom was worried about you. She says that you seem to be having more nightmares lately. That you seem more tired and sad lately. Would you wan to start there or talk about something else bothering you?” He asked, waiting patiently for my answer. My heart was racing. What was I supposed to answer? I didn’t even know at this point. I haven’t taken therapy for a couple months now, and usually they started with talking about the excruciating events that had happened while we were kidnapped. Instead, Mr. Smith just wants to start with this? Why was that?

“S-sure.” I nearly squeaked. I never did good at any sort of therapy. I was always too nervous. And then they’d pressure me to answer when I couldn’t. I was afraid that he might do the same.

“Alrighty then,” He tapped his pen on the notebook, “Would you mind telling me when you started feeling this way?”

“Last weekend? I th-think.” I started silently tapping my foot on the carpeted ground. Just another thing I do when I was nervous. Mr. Smith didn’t seem to mind or notice.

“Hm. Did anything… happen around that time?” He wrote something down and I had no idea what it was. Was it bad? Was it good? Did I somehow say too much to get me placed back into the hospital? Please say no. I don’t want to go back there with a bunch of screaming kids throwing the plastic chairs while I was just trying to make some cookies.

“U-um, just this project thing for Mrs. Kay.”

“The project where you spent two weeks with a giant in school?” He asked, his face full of curiosity. I nodded my head, playing with my hands again. I’m pretty sure he wrote that down.

“May I ask who your partner was then?” Oh. Not a question I was too prepared for. I slightly turned to the door, the window peaking inside covered by a piece of cloth. Did it really matter who my partner was? I don’t think it did honestly.

“Ryker…” His eyebrows shot up in shock as he chuckled lightly, “Ryker Stone?” I nodded. I’m pretty sure that was his last name. How did he know who he was though? There was no way he could know all eight hundred people in this school. That seem a bit over-the-top.

“From my understanding, you went to his house last Friday and something happened over there?” I nodded. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have-

“Was it bad thing?” His eyebrows were scrunched up like he already knew what my answer was going to be. Nothing bad happened. It’s just that my thoughts like taking over me sometimes. A lot of times. I make a good situation and turn it into a bad one. I shook my head at his question.

Mr. Smith laughed, “That’s Ryker for you. Not a dull moment with him.” He said it like he knew him personally… maybe he did? I mean he is the counsellor. I just didn’t think he worked with giants as well. So if he knew Ryker… does that mean Ryker knew him? Of course that’s what that meant.

“Back on topic though, I did some looking around on you. I found some… interesting things, but also a record from past therapists. All different notes on you, except for one. That you’re known to overthink situations. Do you think that’s why you’ve been so upset lately? You have a thought on your head from the event that happened?” He wasn’t going to ask what happened? I mean, thank goodness because I don’t think I could answer, but he really wasn’t going to ask me? This guy has a weird way of getting people to open up, but it’s working. It’s working amazingly.

I nodded my head. Ryker doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I knew it was true. I messed everything up that Friday night ruined things between us. The worst part is that I was actually warming up to him. He really did feel like friend even though I was deadly afraid.

“Do you mind telling me what’s been on your mind? It’s alright if you can’t.” He asked softly, already knowing that this might be hard for me. It is. It really, really is. I didn’t want to lose the only friend I’ll ever make in my entire life. Even before I was kidnapped, all of the other kids didn’t bother talking to the shy, timid kid who sat alone by himself at lunch and never had a friend to play with on the playground during school.

Now I was in high school where people still look at me the same way. I didn’t want to lose someone who was so nice to me. Who actually takes the time to talk and hang out with me. Is that what’s wrong with me? I didn’t want to see someone I care about leave me?

That stupid cage had ruined me.

“I-I don’t think Ryker w-w-wants to be around me,” Tears stung my eyes, and I tried my best to blink them away while sucking in a deep breath, “I-I like to think we’re f-friends… but I d-did something stupid and now that this project is over I think he’s just done with me.” A couple tears fell down my face. I wiped them with the back of my sleeve, looking down at the ground. I really didn’t want to lose the one potential friend I’ve made in my entire life.

The room was quiet except when I heard Mr. Smith pass the box of tissues my way, showing a sympathetic face, “You don’t want to lose a friend?” I shook my head, calming myself down before I make this even more embarrassing for myself. I haven’t cried for a while. It felt good for some reason. Too bad I wasn’t going to let it go any further than a couple tears.

“And what if Ryker still wants to be friends? What would you think then?”

That he’ll eventually grow tired of me like everyone else. That it’s only short lived. He’ll eventually forget about me.

“I’d be grateful… but I doubt he’d remember me after graduation.” I sadly answered. Mr. Smith wrote something down, ripping out the page he was writing on and handing me the paper. I grabbed it with shaky hands, looking over the paper. My name, age, things I’ve done while sitting in his office, and some squiggly lines. He didn’t write down questions? No notes on what he should do next?

“I don’t like writing down the questions I ask. I think people would prefer to keep them said and not on paper,” He chuckled, “And as for your tiny piece of advice, you and Ryker aren’t so different, and I doubt he thinks ill of you.” That was it? No other questions? He wasn’t going to pry me open? He wasn’t going to force me to spill my guts to people who didn’t want waste their time anyways? No words could describe how confused and happy I was at the same time.

“Th-that’s it?” I muttered, trying to figure out if he was playing a trick on me or not, but he nodded his head and opened the door for me. I grabbed my backpack, stuffing the sheet of notebook paper in it and walked out of the door.

“Thank you.” I mumbled.

Mr. Smith smiled, “Come anytime you want to talk. Just remember after school on Thursday, okay?” I nodded, thinking hard about how Mr. Smith believes, in all honesty, that Ryker won’t just leave me. He could be right. I just have to trust in his word.

—————————————————————-

Yup. Nathan’s afraid that Ryker will leave him now that their little project is over. I wonder what happens next?

I don’t know how I feel about this chapter. I like and I don’t at the same time. We’ll see. Thank you for reading! Love you guys ❤️

#G/t #g/t writing #g/t community #sfw g/t #giant/tiny #G/t angst #restoration #Oc: Nathan #oc: ryker #Nathan just wants a friend🥺#Yeah i didn’t know what to do #Next chapter will def have something tho #I kind of liked how this one came out???#nvm I don’t #Thanks for the support!

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minthe-lover · 1 year

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Chapter 231 analysis

So you know I went back cause I was curious... persephone only has two actually spoken lines in this whole chapter. One way when she said yes, and the other was her telling hades to continue talking after Demeter was basically begging hades to stop.

In a chapter that supposed to be about hades and persephone mutual love, persephone has two lines.. 6 words. One is when she's crying clearly scared of her mother, the is saying yes to basically what she may see as the only way to get out of the situation.

Well then lets actually talk about hades whole speech, line by line because I hate myself.

So first off, yeah no this is just shitty story telling. Just because persephone is vaguely blessed by her magic womb powers doesn't mean she is actually a good queen. hey rs maybe actually like.. fucking show us this shit?? like show us persephone actually ruling and helping people.. just do anything to prove and back up this statement.. stop telling us this shit and start showing us.

Plus like.. hades just going up to persephone and saying "your fit to rule and I'm not going to let anyone question that" is just boring... there is so little actual reassurance. plus.. hey.. people are allowed to question their leaders, given this line I'm worried for how they'll treat nymphs who aren't like 100% okay with persephone as queen.

The next part is just more hades being a creep, like yes we get it hades. You saw persephone once and started to get a hard-on, it doesn't actually speak to anything about persephone besides that she's attractive. This is a common theme through the whole speech.

The main points in which hades brings up is how like, persephone is beautiful and make him happy. Again it starts with how him staring at her through a window made him horny.

Another thing is just in this whole thing.. hades is just very dismissive of the serious situations and trauma that persephone had to go through. This next line is about how 'by chance' persephone was drugged and put into his car... that was a serious and incredibly vulnerable situation and all that he has to mention about it.. wasn't how she handled it, or even something smaller and more personal like persephone connection to Cerberus.

it's just how hey you where at my house and where just like nice to me. Also the whole reoccurring this of like hades accepting that 'that's enough' just.. doesn't track. Yeah he was avoiding persephone cause he was in a relationship with another person! and you still immediately offered to have sex with her and went as far as emotionally cheating on minthe!

So like.. town meeting? that makes no sense from what we've seen before, but hey despite them being rulers we see basically jackshit in relation to the goverment and how it works. Again there is just more and more about how like hades like to admire persephone.. nothing about her actual beauty or anything to do with their actual relationship.

It's just weird phrasing.. why doesn't he say "but now I get it be with you every day" why is there such a focus on him just.. seeing persephone. Nothing to do with their emotions or personal connection, it's just so distant and bland. Also like, there is just so much focus on the connection to hades. It's not we can rule together, it's that persephone is now hades queen.. it's not about to their life together.. it's about how persephone has effected hades life.

This next part again is focused on solely on hades, through this whole speech he only really mentions her feels and needs at the beginnning.. when comforting about her being queen. This stuff about his life and how much of a sad boi he is while persephone is in a moment of personal struggle is just.. such a shitty thing to do. He doesn't talk about how he wants to care for and make her happy.. he talks about how good she makes him.

It's a similar thing he pulled during the whole thanatos thing.. where thanatos mentioned his struggled and hades talked about how terrible his abandonment was for him. Hades is just.. really self centered.

Now when I first read this.. I just thought it was very fucked up cause it's just.. weird phrasing. Then I remembered why this is here... so you remember after persephone was fucking RAPED she immediately called hades. Then hades started to talk about how he considered her mother a someone he would be willing to have sex with?

Yeah so like hades made persephone make a 'deal' to have to ask a personal question. which.. it's still so weird how it's phrased. Persephone must answer this question, even ignoring the whole problem with proposing to persephone in an emotionally vulnerable state.. saying that persephone has to answer this question.. it's just fucked up. A proposal should never be some big surprised and confrontation, persephone should never have to answer this question... especially with how she mentioned she wants to go slow.. persephone should be allowed to say no.. or even say she doesn't want to answer it right now.

Also demeter look like a badass and fuck hades-

Hades using the name kore always just.. gave me an ick, though.. I do think that's more with my personal experience with names. Though through a whole speech hades has been incredibly self-centered especially during very vulnerable situation for her.. and he finished with probably the best lines to just sum the whole thing up.

my (focus on persephone relation to him and not to each other) beautiful (focus on persephone beauty above all else). kore (ignore of persephone past discomfort with the name)

will you be my wife.. a focus on him. Most of this stuff by itself would like be fine.. but it's all together and it's the culmination of everything.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo #lore olympus critical

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weirdkpopgirl · 1 year

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Bearable | Haechan Imagine #2

Title: Bearable

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Slight Angst, Fluff

Warnings: mentions of insecurities (what else is new?)

Word Count: 705

Author's Note: I honestly have no idea what I was thinking while writing this. This is just a feeling I get often, and I had the sudden urge to put it into words. Am I selfish for subtly writing about myself in basically all of my stories? Yes, and that probably makes me a bad writer. So I'm sorry if it's bad lol.

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

Haechan silently observed you sitting beside him on the sofa. The clock read nine p.m., as the second movie of the night played on the television. Even though your eyes were glued to the screen, he could tell something was distracting you.

He knew by the way you were chewing on your lips and the way your fingers subconsciously dug into your palms. It only took one look at your nervous composure for Haechan to know that your mind was far away from whatever was happening in the movie.

“You’re going to tear off your skin if you keep doing that.” He scolded lightly, drawing your attention to him in slight alarm.

You looked down in guilt when he opened your hand to see the red indents from your nails. Your brain scrambled with something to say as he softly rubbed your palm. The stinging slowly began to fade.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?” Haechan asked, glancing up at you.

The softness in his eyes made you instantly tear up. You knew staying up all night with your best friend was a bad idea. All your senses seemed to shut off after 8:30, leaving you completely vulnerable.

“I just…” You started to say, looking away to blink back tears. “Seeing the couple in the film…just makes me sad.”

He half-chuckled at your cuteness, “Why does it make you sad?”

Haechan was the only person who saw this side of you. Not the (Y/n) who was always smiling in front of their friends, pretending as if her life wasn’t falling apart. Not the (Y/n) who casually belittled herself in conversations laced with sarcasm and dark humor. No, Haechan saw the (Y/n) who had a weak and sensitive heart.

“I really want to experience a love like theirs,” You said, breath shaky. “But I’m afraid it’ll never happen to me.”

“Why?”

“I mean, just look at me Hyuck. I’m a mess.” The bitter smile that appeared across your face made his heart crack. You spoke with such certainty.

“Seriously, I can’t think of one reason why you like me,” You sniffed.

Haechan was slightly taken aback by what you said. After four years of keeping it in, he finally confessed his feelings for you a few weeks ago. He made it clear that he didn’t expect an answer from you right away and would wait. Since then, the two of you went on and acted like it never happened. He didn’t expect you to bring the confession up now.

After a few moments, Haechan spoke up. “You may not like your hair or your body. You may not like the mole on your nose that you hide with your glasses. You may not like the stories you pour your heart and soul into. You may turn down any compliment that someone gives you.”

You met his eyes which also became watery. Just thinking about how poorly you saw yourself made Haechan’s heart hurt. That was how much he cared about you.

“But when I look at you,” He continued. “All I see is a smart and beautiful girl who doesn’t realize how strong she is. I love everything that you don’t like about yourself.”

His other hand reached over to catch the tears that streamed down your cheeks.

“I love you, (Y/n). And I’ll happily spend the rest of my life giving you the love you deserve if you’ll let me.”

His words were so warm and promising. There was no one in the world like Lee Donghyuck.

“I love you too,” You said through tears. It felt so good to say that out loud, after holding back because of your insecurities.

Immediately after that sentence, Haechan kissed you ever so gently. With one hand in your hair and the other around your waist, pulling you close to him. His touch gradually allowed the troublesome thoughts to temporarily fade away. You knew that they would come back another day. But all the darkness in your life was bearable as long as you had Haechan by your side.

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

#nct dream imagines #haechan imagines #haechan scenarios #haechan x reader #lee donghyuck #donghyuck scenarios #fullsun #nct #kpop fics #nctzen #nct dream fluff #czennie #nct 127

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sailorgundam308 · 6 months

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BG3 introspection bit

This one isn't edgy or funny. I just feel like sharing, prompted by seeing how, indeed, BG3 is one of the greatest if not THE greatest pieces of entertainment we've got in a long while. But I know for so many people it turned out to be much more than just that. That includes me. To make a long story short, I've been living a full world away from my loved ones for almost a decade, in a place that is particularly hostile towards me. I'm here out of necessity and choice, since my other option happens to be worse. It's been shockingly lonely, until I grew used to the isolation. Still, I made do. I make do. Around a few years back, and especially last year, things took a turn for the much worse. I've spiraled into a very, very dark place, which in turn isolated me even more from other people - but also from myself.

Being so far away from familiarity and the things I love worn me down, and disconnected from who I am and what I enjoy. To the point I effectively stayed in a limbo, frozen in time, empty, for the past years. It's been way more scary than when I was obviously and loudly sad or depressed, because at least then I had energy to react in some way. As an artist by profession and by passion, it was even more concerning that I could not create ANYTHING - words, images, even concepts. My mind had been simply silent, dead. I quite literally spent the last 3-4 years just existing, going to my job like a mindless clockwork because otherwise I wouldn't be able to make rent and end up getting deported. I knew I was utterly and completely lost, and had no idea what I could grab onto to pull me out. It was as if I couldn't move - I did not really wanted to, somehow.

It happens to everyone, I think, that sometimes a seemingly random thing that you engage with unexpectedly becomes a sort of lifeline. It happened to me once before, during a complicated part of my teens. And now it seemed to have happened again because I decided to play Baldur's Gate 3. I mentioned before, I am a bit older and have played BG1 and BG2, and also DnD and the like. I've always been the nerdy artsy type, and it had always fueled my imagination and gave me energy to keep creating, keep moving, searching, growing.

It was really a struck of luck that I heard the news that BG3 was a thing. I was so isolated I did not engage with any piece of media anymore - I watched no news, no movies, no series, read no books. When I think about it, it's really scary how I felt absolutely nothing, how truly empty of any will to live I was. But it's been wild for a while now. I happened to be on 'vacation' when BG3 got released, and I was sucked into it like I was desperate. And I probably was. I needed anything to take me away from where I was, who (or the lack of) I had become. The game did just that. It's not a coincidence I put 750+ hours in it. I could not stand looking at my own circumstances and somehow I managed to finally escape anywhere else. While I recognize I went to the opposite extreme of (problematic) engagement, I also saw how my mind seeemed to switch on again after a while - as if I was reminded of how it used to be.

Ideas, cohesive thoughts, images, the unavoidable urge to move, to create something - all these things that made me ME started to come back.

I remembered how much I enjoyed fantasy, fiction, having ideas, organizing, planning, making things come true - how much just marking a paper with a pencil brings me joy. How my own mind can be rich and exciting, and how I have the skills to translate those impulses into reality. And that is what made me, all my life. It's hard to explain how I feel after 4 years not creating a single thing, having no impulse or creative idea and watching life pass in a haze, now I feel like I'm finally reconecting to something precious. My doctor even pointed it out, how it seems I'm finally waking up after years, coming out of whatever dark hole I've been in.

While it's been a short while, I'm very aware this is essentially a hyperfixation, but for someone who (even though I tried) could not feel anything towards anything for so long, this seems like a blessing. And I'm doing my best to make a stair out of it - use the momentum to branch out into other things I know I need and miss, the other things that have always been part of my life that I'd let go of.

I'm probably not the only one who clicked with this game, and it somehow pulled us out of strange, scary places. Even though it's a lot of projection on our part, people in such situations need something they relate to in order to project onto, to grab to float. Not everything works, it must be something special to the person at the right time. Lucky me that Baldur's Gate 3 happened when it did, the way it did, and that I was where I was.

I'm really, truly happy I stumbled onto the news of the game, for whatever reason took action to actually buy it, open and play it. When I did, I had no idea it would be the lifeline I'd grab onto. But it's been, and it meant so much to me. That's all of my sad introspective blurb. I have no way of explaining how thankful I feel to everyone who put this game together. While it wasn't the intention of the creators, BG3 gave me the push I so desperately needed and that nothing else had managed to.

I'd still be lost in a very dark place without it.

:')

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #personal #tw mental health #tw depression #serious shit #introspection #kinda random #very raw #blurb

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ramonag-if · 1 year

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I just had to tell you. The way you write family angst? Akin to how our old pal Da Vinci wields a paintbrush. Masterfully.

When Ahlf died? I was gutted. Genuinely. I'd been watching him and MC interact, holding out hope that they'd one day get to form a... warmer father-child relationship. Then he died. MC watched him die. I watched him die. I MC was so devastated, I MC called Crown's name stupid (Sorry, Crown. You too, Irus). Let it be noted that I'd been playing the shy/sincere MC till then. I was so gutted, MC moped/angsted all the way to the temple, while I sat there internally blubbering over the loss of MC's grumpy, emotionally unavailable, father.

(In case it hasn't been made clear yet, I also have father issues in the spades).

(Also, MC recovered their shy/sincere nature eventually. And became absolutely besotted with Irus. He obviously already knew, but still. Don't tell him that.)

(You can bet that I MC took all the chances to mourn/blubber over Ahlf whenever the chance came up, though. Those chances did come up frequently enough, now that I think about it. That moment when MC goes through Ahlf's box of letters in his room at Ellie's castle, mourning him and whatnot. Thanks for that, by the way. Really. I'm glad you didn't gloss over the persisting, subtle ache that comes with loss, which so many stories seem to do.)

Then, Salyra. Mama. MC had thought she was dead. I was convinced she was dead. So, seeing her alive and well and with a whole new husband and child to boot was. Wow.

By then, I had already fully immersed into the story. And while I don't see MC as myself, rather as an odd extension of my soul that I'm watching like some omniscient being who has nothing better to do with their time, I was, well.

Gutted. Again. And MC, too.

I MC's been going back and forth between being uncertain or bitterly angry for a while now. And Maybe accidentally gave Rana a Mean Look while still reeling over how Salyra was alive, with a new family.

When Salyra protected Rana from MC's Big Bad Stare and gave MC a disappointed look? Wow. Delicious scene. MC damn near imploded into a very sad confetti of abandonment and bitterness anger, but I really have to admit. That was peak writing and character interaction right there.

The best thing? None of the characters were demonized for all the things they'd done wrong. Not Ahlf, not Salyra, not MC. They were so human, in their actions and reactions and emotions and tears. You can hate them, you can love them, you can feel nothing about them, but they weren't just characters with an 'MC's parents: kind of really bad at it' label tacked on. They were characters made human, fleshed out and alive and raw.

Which is why it makes it hurt so much more. Makes all the family angst hurt so, so much more.

And I'm all for that, obviously.

Ah, and a special mention! The scene where MC just hugs Irus for comfort after another showdown with Salyra? Spectacular. Outstanding. Covering your arm with gold star stickers as we speak. I have to admit, I damn near melted at that scene. They're so cute. God.

Aaand after that long, long spiel that was definitely just 90% rambling, I'm bringing whatever this mess is to a close. So, Ra; (can I call you that? It sounds cool) thank you for bringing this story into existence, and for sharing it with us all. It was a lovely, beautiful experience, and I'm excited to see what lies ahead in this bloody wild ride you're taking us all on. You're awesome. Once again, thank you!!

Ah, thank you so much! 😭💖 Your message just made me smile like a fool! I don't think I'm anywhere near Da Vinci levels in writing family angst, so it means a lot to me that you enjoyed what I've written so far.

I felt really bad at the way Ahlf died, but his death had been planned long before Chapter 1 had been written. His death was supposed to be less dramatic than the way he went, but as I do try to remind readers, I'm a pantser opposed to a planner when writing so I rarely stick to my chapter outlines and will usually just go with my gut 😅 Ahlf's death really set the tone for the rest of the game, so I'm glad you enjoyed all the small moments to simply mourn his death. I knew that I was going into IF the way I normally write books - emotions are valued over branching/plot points.

Salyra was never going to be this complicated. She wasn't going to be married with another child either 😅 I obviously ignored plans and went right ahead into Angst Central, because I kept questioning Salyra as a mother and the person she would have become in the absence of Ahlf and the MC and suddenly, she was very complicated and brought a lot of baggage.

It was definitely important to showcase that it isn't all good and bad with Ahlf and Salyra. I know neither of them is perfect - no parent is perfect though they are quite far from that bar of being good parents 😬 You'll always get the choice to feel as you feel and the characters will always respond to your MC's choices. I do prefer the emotional development of the characters to the external factors, so glad you're feeling it too!

I actually enjoyed the scene where the MC cries into the ROs shoulder opposed to the hug. But that's just me, being an emotional wreck of a person when playing IF 😅

Please feel free to call me whatever you want 😋 I am quite liking Ra because Ra is my favourite Egyptian god and from my many nicknames over the years, I've never been called Ra before 😂

Thank you again for your support and kind words! I really do appreciate it 💖 It really makes writing the game worthwhile and pushes me to continue writing it.

#crown of exile #answered asks #thank you so much #💖#salyra #ahlf #princeirus

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mars-the-artist · 2 years

Text

Color Code

Peter Kavinsky x Afraid! Reader

A/n: I am not trying to glorify toxic, abusive relationships as I've been in a few myself and don't want to trigger anyone who has been in those kinds of relationships. Please give some constructive criticism on how to make my writing better if you feel necessary. Thank you.

⚠Contents⚠: This contains Angst and fluff. (Fluff at the end) This fanfic mentions abusive and toxic relationships, if you get triggered or are uncomfortable with that topic, then this fanfic is NOT for you.

Here you are, with your handsome lacrosse player boyfriend at a obnoxiously loud party with even more obnoxiously loud people. You took a nice grip on on your love's hand, he noticed it, and gripped onto yours. You both weren't going to be lost in in this party.

The theme color code, which mean you dress up with a specific color to state your status without saying anything. Red means ready to fuck, yellow means you're not sure, green means you're taken, and black means 'I'll beat your ass if you come even close to making a romantic move on me'. Or that's how Chris explained it, she came here for you and Lara Jean, but also for Trevor. Who specifically asked Chris to go, and letting her know that he would be there.

A majority of people were dancing in the living room where you and Peter Kavinsky were. Dancing, singing, making out, talking, and laughing. Your hand untangled Peter's hand and danced to the upbeat songs. Giggles could be heard by the brunette infront of you, staring at you, and only you. Not your cute long sleeve green top, not your beautiful smile, not at your gorgeous eyes. He is just taking in all of your beauty.

After a while of forcing your man to dance along with you, you informed him over the music that you were going to get some drinks for the two of you. ''Could I get mine spiked, sweetheart?'' The brunette formed a smirk knowing that you're going to say, '' Nope! You're driving remember? Plus I don't know how to drive your jeep unlike you! Nice try though!'' giggles escaped your mouth as you walked away and towards the long rectangular table where all the snacks and drinks were.

Once you were by all the sodas, beer, and alcohol, few strands of blonde hair swayed. You turned your head to face where you saw those hairs, thinking it was Chris. Oh how you regretted your action. It was them. Your ex lover. Your legs trembled, your stomach churned and twisted, your whole body shooked. You didn't expect to see them at this party. Funny thing is that they were wearing a red turtleneck.

A familiar voice called out to you, ''Y/n? Y/N!'' two firm hands gripped onto yours, which made you remember all the bad times you had with your horrible ex. Sometimes at parties if they were drunk, they will drag you to a room, and beat you. Slap you. Degrade you. Calling you names such as 'slut', 'whore', 'bitch'. They even went as far as to calling you ungrateful for hanging out with other guys or people they who didn't have dirt on. Those brown eyes of your current love probably realized something was wrong, that would explain why he took you to a bedroom. Presumably, the hostesses. He locked the door, and held you in his arms. ''Are you okay? You didn't look good when you were staring at someone else'' You can hear how worried Peter was for you. He was crazy in love for his significant other, and would do anything to keep you safe.

He never knew about your exes names or appearances. He just knew you had past relationships. You had to tell him about them at some point, it would explain why you were acting in such a way. ''Did they-Are they your ex?'' he questions once again. You're snapped back into reality, and stared at him with fear in your eyes. ''Did they hurt you?'' He asks once again, more sadness intrude his eyes. A small nod was made by you, and it all clicked to him. Why you were secretive about your past lovers, why you were so uncomfortable telling him about them. Sad thing was, why didn't you trust him enough?

You told him everything about the person you were staring at.

''Why didn't you tell me this before?''

''I didn't want you to hurt them, not get upset with me. ''

''I am upset, you didn't tell me this before!''

He raised his voice a little, and then sighed. His thumb and index finger clutched onto the bridge of his nose, and his other hand was on his hip. ''I do trust you Peter,'' you blurted out, ''I just didn't think it was time to tell you...'' you finished the sentence off with a whisper. You both were standing in front of each other, about four feet apart. The room only lit up due to a lamp. Mr. Kavinsky walked up to you, while you took two steps back, he hugged you.

Frozen in place, in this dimly lit room, just Peter and you, safe and sound.

Your hands made their way around his waist and up to his upper back, gripping onto him while you let your tears fall. There was just sounds of calm breathing, breathing in his signature smell. He smelled a little bit of sweat, but that didn't bother you in the slightest in this moment. After a while the chocolately eyes broke away from you and his hands moved from your back onto your arms ''Let's bring you home, I don't want to you to be afraid. '' That sentence was the thing that made you know, that you were truly in love with Peter Kavinsky.

#fanfic #angst #Fluff #to all the boys #Peter Kavinsky #Peter Kavinsky x reader #jenny han #laura jean #tatbilb #peter kavinsky

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lulu-balu · 3 months

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Booooy howdy here's a bit of a doozy. Where do I begin!

Well I chose my old username back in mid 2017 when I was a wee lass writing silly fics on fanfiction.net. I chose it because it was Italian for "You are beautiful", because 1) I'm half Italian and 2) I thought it was sweet and wholesome.

To start: as I said above, I'm half Italian. That's because I'm Italian-American, that side of the family *has* been for quite a few generations now and they absolutely fit ALL the stereotypes you could think of when you hear "Italian-American". Stupidly proud of their heritage, and usage of silly botched up slang all while knowing little to no actual Italian. I know some stuff mainly through osmosis but yea. I definitely can't speak the language and I'll admit I simply do not have the brain power to memorize another language. I tried it with Spanish in high school already and it didn't go very well LOL

So yeah. I was one of "those" people as a teen. Idk why, it's stupid and I'm simply not like that anymore! So that's the biggest reason, but it's also not the only reason.

Number two is simplicity. Seeing that it's a common Italian phrase it's no surprise that "Sei Bellissima" straight up is taken across different sites, leading me to have to make some funky additions so that I can make accounts on there. This can lead to some confusion. Not to mention those additions can make the username long as hell in general and a pain to type out. So I went for a shorter name that will still be easier to remember, even in the cases where additions are necessary.

And uhh regarding the "Sweet and wholesome" thing- I still try to be positive where I can, but I've been through the wringer a *lot* since then and I simply do not have as much happy energy as I did back then. Believe me, it's sad and I really had no idea what was coming for me at the time but- being that overtly positive all the time definitely drained me a lot more than necessary. I guess that's another reason for a change; it all just didn't fit who I am anymore.

So yeah, to put it all simply: it doesn't represent the kind of person I perceive myself to be today, so I decided it was time for a change. As for my decision-making process behind that change?

Lulubalu is pronounced "loo-loo-buh-loo" and is derived from the word "hullabaloo", which is a word used to refer to a commotion or fuss over something. I kinda think it fits how I react to things I really enjoy and hyperfixate on; I just go absolutely nuts. Mostly not publicly but uh. Yeah I'm very enthusiastic sdfjkhsk

The "Lulu" part is just because I like that name and the way it sounds when spoken. It isn't even my real name I just like it a lot lol. Speaking of. When you wanna speak to me now, you can use "Lulu" to address me

ANYWAY. I'm still me; I've certainly changed a lot over the years and the username change is a nice way to reflect that, I think. All of the stuff I've posted over the years is still here so if you've got anything bookmarked you'll want to update that (I will be changing my art tag to [#lulu's doodles] and will be taking the free time I have to update all the posts skdjfhskj). Buuuut otherwise I think that's it. If you've made it this far, thanks for reading and enjoying the stuff I've put out over the years <3

#lulu rambles #longpost

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peacesmith · 2 years

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ao3

title - Selfish.

paring - marc spector x male reader

words - 1.7k

summary - whoever thought that the one who was supposed to take care of you and keep you safe could make you feel as if you've never belonged.

genre - angst, w/ some comfort (at the end, it's little and bittersweet)

warnings - i swear a bit in here, crying, negative family environment, huge mommy issues, neglectfulness, mentions of not existing, just fucking sad okay, kind of rushed the ending

notes - i solely based this off of my expierence with my mom, she was never physically abusive, but she always made me feel like a piece of shit and that i was doing something wrong. but i could never bring myself to hate her, because she's done so many things for me when i was younger. we still keep in contact, as much as i don't want to.

i spend a lot of time focusing on more of reader's relationship with his mom instead of marc, since it is portraying how the reader feels and how i feel with my mom.

i'm sorry for anyone who else goes through this, i'm writing this mostly for my comfort, almost as a self insert. but anyone could read this, especially if you could relate to this situation.

It was selfish of you, and you knew that.

You always felt like that the things you want was always a need, almost as if the world ends if you didn’t get it. Almost as if you had to get your way. Like a spoiled child that would throw a tantrum when they wouldn’t get what they wanted. Then, they would hate their parents for not giving them what they wanted. Blame it on them, them for not getting what they wanted.

That is how you felt right?

You still kept in contact with your mom, why not? People love their moms! She put a roof over your head, told you the things that were right and wrong no matter what logic contradict what she said. She was always right. That’s why they say, mother knows best right? Right?

At least, that’s what you’ve always thought. I mean, you never would’ve gotten this far without her. No matter how much nagging she did, no matter how much she would say you were selfish for doing something you want to do. Something she doesn’t approve on. No matter how much she wouldn’t listen to you.

It felt like everyday that you were slowly losing a part of yourself.

One second, she would scream, and yell at you for being simply just foolish. For not considering what she feels. Then next thing you know, she’s asking you what you want for dinner.

This cycle continued for almost everyday of your childhood. It felt like as soon as you got to middle school, your life would start crashing right in front of your eyes.

Sometimes you wish you could’ve just been born with different parents.

But then you wouldn’t have the privilege that you do now, now would you?

Oh how easy was it for you to change your mind.

Dad wasn’t much help either, he never bothered to stand up to her. He simply became a background character. Only consoling you and telling you to always respect your mother. She risked a lot of things to get you where you are now anyways.

Bullshit.

It was supposed to be just a simple meeting. Meeting with some old friends and going to a small event that wouldn’t even last about an hour. To have fun, to go back on some old memories, to forget about your surroundings and worries.

But your lovely mother couldn’t have that now could she.

You went behind her back, didn’t tell her about it. You guys were supposed to hang out anyways, she is your mother anyways.

But you also are a grown adult, you don’t have to live under her roof anymore. You are allowed to do things.

She never approved of this, your friends, or anything. It wasn’t what she wanted anyways. It was always, and only about what you wanted. It’s your fault now that she’s wasting her own time yelling and lecturing you about going behind her back and not telling her. She’s your mother, you should always respect her.

She’s your mother they say.

She’s your mother, she’s your mother. Respect her, don’t talk back, do what she says with no hesitation.

She’s not your mom, you don’t know who this woman is. But she for sure isn’t your mom.

They she only wants what’s best for you, they would do the same. You have a great mom, anybody would kill to have a mom like her.

She’s provided so much for you.

Everyday, piece by piece, bit by bit. A part of you will slowly start to break away, and soon, you wont know who you are. A shell of your former self, the once amazing child you were suddenly thrown out of the window.

You would listen to her, going on and on about how you’re disappointing her, how she expects you to be better. You pull the same shit, over, and over again. Why can’t you just listen? What do you have to say for yourself?

There was nothing to say, you had nothing to say.

And that only seemed to displease her.

Selfish, you were so selfish to choose your friends that probably won’t stay with you for forever. Unlike your mom, who will always be apart of you. Even if you killed her.

This was almost a routine for you, almost everyday you would listen to her. And every time, it always ends up with her shutting you out and you left there being lost.

What do you do? Do you cry after that? Do you hate her for everything? Realize she’s been nothing but a shit mother to you? No, it’s always the former.

You can’t hate her, you know what she’s done, but you can never hate her.

Because she’s done so much for you, why hate her now?

Maybe you could talk to your friends, only thing is that their mommy issues are better than yours. They have great relationships with their mom! Why ruin that? They wouldn’t understand anyways.

This always happened.

You would always get complaints from your mom, then she leaves you feeling almost as if nothing matters anymore, and you never have anyone to talk to.

No one, no one would understand, would they? Maybe they would, but what if their problems are worse?

That would be shitty of you.

You don’t know how you ended up here.

Outside of Steven’s flat.

You met Steven, or really Marc, on one of your trips to go get some coffee. Nothing big, just happened to bump into each other. But something clicked once you guys saw each other. You don’t know what it was, but you ended up having his phone number by the end of the day.

Steven did end up revealing that he had another person, or alter, living inside of him. He had DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder.

You’ve heard about it before, but never really understood the whole concept of it. You were willing to learn more about it.

Turns out, it was the other way around from which Steven explained it.

Steven was living inside of someone else. Although, that’s not really important right now.

That is how you ended up meeting Marc.

Raising one fist to knock, you softly knock about three times before standing there silently. Maybe you should just come back tomorrow, it wasn’t that big of a deal anyways. He had other problems to deal with anyways, you could always come back later.

As soon as you were about to turn around and leave, the door opened. Standing there, was Marc. You could tell because of the look in his eye and his accent change.

“(Y/N)?” Marc says, a little confused at you coming at this time unannounced. He was going to make another comment until he noticed the slight redness to your eyes and nose. This causes him to usher you inside and close the door.

“Hey, sorry for coming here on such short notice, just didn’t think you answer.” You say, looking away at Marc to look at anything but him. You didn’t care that you were crying, you were kind of just hoping that he wouldn’t answer. At least have Steven answer, maybe you could’ve just chatted.

Marc looks at the male in front of him before finding the right words to say something.

“(Y/N), is everything alright? You’re not acting like yourself.” He takes a small step forward, concern written all over his face. He didn’t want to push it, but he knew there was something wrong and wanted to help the best he could.

You stare at the floor before shaking your head, finally getting the courage to look up at him. Eyes starting to get glossy as you finally start breaking down. Being vulnerable was not something you were too proud of.

“Marc, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong anymore… why is she being so rude to me? What did I even do?” Your voice starts to crack a little, it was very obvious that you were about to cry at any given moment now. He had to choose his words carefully.

Marc opens his arms and wraps them around you, which you immediately accept and wrap your arms around him. Putting your face into the crook of his neck as you proceed to cry into his shoulder. He knew immediately who you were talking about.

“Hey, hey. You’re not doing anything wrong okay? I’m here for you, please don’t feel like you’re doing something wrong.” He rubs your back, rocking back and forth with you, trying to sooth you to the best of his ability.

This makes you cry even harder, you always felt like a crybaby. You hated being vulnerable, exposing yourself and your problems to others. It felt like you weren’t being strong enough. Sensitive. Selfish.

“I just want to do better; I want her to finally approve of something I do.” You say, taking a pause to gasp a little bit while crying. Crying was such an ugly feeling for you. “Why won’t she approve of what I do?”

Marc stays silent, taking him back to when he was a child. His mom wasn’t his mom, that’s what he told himself. He wishes he could’ve done something, to avoid what happened to Randall. Oh how he just wishes.

“It’s not your fault, it’s not.” He says, gently but slowly to not startle you, started bringing you to the couch so you guys could sit down. Marc’s face shows empathy, he feels bad. He doesn’t want anyone to go through this, not with someone who’s supposed to love you unconditionally

It’s silent other than the quiet sobs coming from the other male. Which eventually die down.

Marc brings him into a more comfortable position, laying him on top of him as he waits for the other male to calm down.

He does eventually, he slumps, and his weight is put onto Marc. Quiet snores coming from him. Crying does tire people out, but they say it’s good for you. That’s not the point. The dark-haired male looks down before pressing a kiss to his hair.

He felt bad, he wanted to be there for you as much as he could.

So, he will, from now on.

He doesn’t want you to get her anymore. Whenever you do get hurt, he wants to be there to put the pieces back together.

He knows that one day he won’t be able to pick up the pieces and help fix you, one day you’ll break and can’t be fix. He doesn’t want that to happen, he wants to avoid it.

So, for now, he wants to keep you from getting to that breaking point.

Oh, but it’s only a matter of time.

#marc spector x male reader #marc spector x reader #moon knight x male reader #moon knight x reader #marvel x male reader #marvel x reader #x male reader #angst with a hopeful ending #bittersweet ending #writing

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