#also my bolding is so eclectic but I tried to just go for the parts that were most important to what I was trying to say

[muninnhuginn]

In Defence of Qiao Ling

I've been musing on several threads relating to Qiao Ling in the last few weeks and have seen a few posts going around that have pushed me to actually try and put all my Qiao Ling thoughts into words and in one place.

Despite the title, I don't fully agree with the show's handling of Qiao Ling, but I do think she has been provided with a clear ongoing arc and so that's what I'm going to be focusing on here.

This got quite long so most of it is under the cut, but shout-out to @lizzieonka and @oceaniche for their previous posts on Qiao Ling, which definitely ended up inspiring some parts of this.

So, let's start with: what do we actually know about Qiao Ling?

Qiao Ling's Background

She's first introduced as the "landlady", for all it quickly becomes apparent that her relationship with Cheng Xiaoshi isn't quite that simple. Her family "took Cheng Xiaoshi in" but there's always been some distance and that's reinforced by the whole "rent" deal. (The fact that Cheng Xiaoshi is still adamant his parents will return likely also factors in to this.) Still, Qiao Ling herself clearly sees Cheng Xiaoshi as her younger brother and is willing to stake her claim on him as family to near-strangers (we've seen it both when she met Lu Guang and Li Tianxi).

Qiao Ling's social life is clearly contrasted with that of Cheng Xiaoshi. Where Cheng Xiaoshi's first "proper" friend was Lu Guang, Qiao Ling has her own circle of friends and is fairly sociable in general (she literally found a client by befriending a stranger when she came to learn martial arts). Xu Shanshan, for instance, is very much Qiao Ling's friend despite hanging out with the collective group at uni. Qiao Ling also spoke of Cheng Xiaoshi's childhood as something that happened to him specifically, implying that she herself was spared the bullying (which makes sense considering the fact that she wasn't the one with missing parents) and so had a more "normal" upbringing. Whether she spoke up back then or stayed quiet isn't fully clarified (not speaking up against adults is one thing but what about classmates?), but Cheng Xiaoshi doesn't seem to hold it against her either way.

Nowadays, Qiao Ling's role in managing the photo shop's side-business has her interacting directly with most clients. She's the most customer-facing of the three, relaying information between clients and shiguang. This is despite her not actually knowing the full details behind shiguang's diving process until season two, which in retrospect makes it more impressive. Qiao Ling taking on the managerial role (and what is also implied to be social media advertising) also has the (unintended?) effect of obscuring shiguang's roles in the business from the public, as it's Qiao Ling who earns the nickname of "witch". It took until Xiao Li saw Cheng Xiaoshi in the CCTV footage during the Doudou case for anyone to see through this.

Key Character Moments

In terms of Qiao Ling's key moments, we have four main ones.

In Doudou arc, Qiao Ling admits she saw Doudou being taken three years ago;

In season two, at the hospital, Qiao Ling asks for some trust and to not be shut out anymore;

Qiao Ling bonding with Li Tianxi and using their shared aspects to bring her out of her shell so she would help the investigation;

The revelation that Qiao Ling did, in fact, receive some form of Lu Guang's memories from Tianxi and her dismissal of their implications.

The main thread behind all of these scenes is that they are about information and what you choose to do with it.

My thoughts are two-fold here. First, how these scenes connect with Qiao Ling's arc specifically, and secondly, how they connect with the broader themes of the series.

Qiao Ling's Arc

Doudou

Let's begin with Doudou arc. In this arc, Qiao Ling reveals that she saw the kidnapping of a child several years ago. She hadn't told anyone about this for three years and likely would have continued to have kept it to herself if not for Doudou's father approaching the photo studio. In this arc, there is the following exchange:

Qiao Ling's main regret is that she didn't do something or say something as she saw Doudou being taken away. That her inaction may have ensured that Doudou's kidnapper was able to get away with him. And she specifically says "I didn't even have the courage to step forward and provide any information." (Tangent: Funnily enough, Lu Guang is the "star of courage" in the Star Warriors later in the episode, not Qiao Ling. Qiao Ling is "star of wisdom" who is meant to "light the way". Still fitting, but in a less straightforward way.)

Now, to me, this is clearly setting up an arc, not resolving one. Qiao Ling wouldn't have offered the information if not for the circumstances. And it tells us that for all Qiao Ling has friends and is sociable, she still holds certain cards close to her chest. She doesn't want to confront the past so instead she will hold her guilt tight and not say a word. Though, as this exchange shows, she does want to have that courage. And I'll get onto this later, but this ties in very clearly with the information she later holds regarding Lu Guang.

Hospital confrontation

Throughout this entire scene, even before it becomes a "confrontation" Qiao Ling is clearly feeling guilty. She runs after Cheng Xiaoshi when he tries to leave to help the police so that she can *do something*, make up for it the best she can. Guilt and avoidance are key traits for her and they both manifest here. They're still holding her back.

And, of course, there's her statement to Cheng Xiaoshi: "You're always trying to protect me. I really appreciate it. But what I need more is your trust." Qiao Ling knows what it's like to be locked out of the loop. She didn't know the specifics of diving for months (possibly years?) and it didn't really seem to bother her (or at least she didn't give the impression it bothered her when "Xu Shanshan" asked her about it). But she has her limits. And being locked out when the situation is actively dangerous? That's clearly past those limits.

Li Tianxi

Grouping together the final two scenes, because the first Li Tianxi scene is more a demonstration of character traits as well as digging in those sibling parallels between LTC-LTX and CXS-QL. Anyway, the first scene adds more evidence to the idea that Qiao Ling is more sociable and a people person. That she could could get Li Tianxi to open up by taking a more understanding approach and showing that she gets it to some extent. She's in the same boat.

Which means when we get to the final scene, this is what ties it all together. Qiao Ling has inherited the memories Li Tianxi saw from Lu Guang. She has seen Cheng Xiaoshi's "death". She has information now. But her first instinct is to dismiss it. To avoid it and refuse to confront it because the implications are too much.

But, see, she's been in this situation before with Doudou. She's had information and done nothing with it and regretted. She wanted to have the courage to do better. This is her goal.

And the implications of these memories? Do they mean Cheng Xiaoshi is in danger? Wasn't danger her red line in the sand? Didn't she tell him that "protecting" people and "trusting" them aren't mutually exclusive?

And finally, Lu Guang isn't Li Tianxi, but isn't the scenario here at least somewhat similar? Isn't Qiao Ling in the same boat as him here, wanting to keep Cheng Xiaoshi safe? Hasn't Qiao Ling shown she can connect with people through their shared experiences?

Qiao Ling isn't a confrontational character. She's avoidant. She will wallow in her guilt and not let on until it gets too much. But she wants to do better and isn't this her chance to do something? Say something? To not just be a passive observer and be left with regrets? I don't think it will be immediate by any means, but I think for her arc to conclude properly, she will have to conclude for herself that she needs to be open with the information she has and share it. If she's pushed into it, then it's just Doudou again. But if she chooses to share the information, then that's the pay-off set up back in season one.

Broader Themes in the Show

Broader themes regarding information and withholding of it. We see time and again in this series, that characters withhold information from others.

Liu Xiao and Lu Guang with Li Tianchen and Cheng Xiaoshi respectively, both holding more information than their "partner". Refusing to share it so that they can control them. Their reasons may differ, but the dynamics mirror each other in that respect. Unhealthy dynamic number one.

Li Tianchen and Li Tianxi, never addressing what Li Tianchen is doing with their powers. It allows Li Tianchen to pretend to himself that he is protecting Li Tianxi and carrying out justice. Li Tianxi is heavily implied in her telling of their backstory to know more than she lets on with regards to Li Tianchen's actions. But the refusal of both siblings to broach the topic eventually leads to Li Tianchen going where Li Tianxi cannot follow in his pursuit of vengeance and puts Li Tianxi in the very danger Li Tianchen wanted to avoid. Unhealthy dynamic number two. (There are more than this but I'm just sticking to these to keep this from getting any longer)

To go back to the hospital confrontation, when Qiao Ling says: "You're always trying to protect me. I really appreciate it. But what I need more is your trust." When she says this? It's a direct hit against the idea that protection should involve keeping people out. And in this case, Cheng Xiaoshi does start to let her in. They do manage to have healthy communication here now that Qiao Ling has been let in on the dives and is allowed to do something to help. She doesn't want to be passive.

She knows what it's like to be locked out, to be "protected" without having her own agency respected. But now, as of end of season two, she's on the other side. She has the information and Cheng Xiaoshi is locked out.

When Qiao Ling was assigned as the "Star of Wisdom, to light the way" in the Doudou arc, that's because it's her role in the show overall. Lu Guang certainly isn't going to push forward with healthy communication; he's too committed to his path for that. Cheng Xiaoshi meanwhile doesn't have the information needed to even start a confrontation. Qiao Ling is the only one in the position to lead the way with her knowledge. To provide the route to healthy communication once more.

She is the catalyst.

#ikik catalysts speed up reactions (not cause them) and are used up in the process so pls don't take this metaphor literally #link click #shiguang daili ren #shiguang daili ren spoilers #also my bolding is so eclectic but I tried to just go for the parts that were most important to what I was trying to say #also sorry im too lazy to make this more screenshotty so it's just full on words without many images to break it up #hopefully the formatting helps a tad but yeah sorry

[sunsetinmyvein]

The Radio Station - Chapter Four - That’s All I Have to Say

8th of October, 2015

  Despite their best attempts to stay in touch, eventually busy schedules got the better of the both of them. They’d texted a bit initially after their night at the bar, but as soon as Matty was on tour, time differences made it difficult to keep up any form of routine. However, she knew that he’d be back in London soon enough. Surely that would be their time to catch up. She reached out to him in January when she knew he was back, hoping for the best, but his schedule was too packed between press for the album, shows and trying to see family and friends that he was obligated to catch up with whenever he was at home. So, she dropped it. And eventually, communication stopped. Her career started escalating at a much quicker pace than what it had before. The two guys who ran the usual morning peak hour shift went on to do their own thing, which left the prime-time slot open for application. She had considered applying, but before she’d even filled out the forms the station asked her directly if she wanted the position. They’d seen how much of a positive reaction she was getting on her show, it would make sense for her to fill that spot. Of course, she took it - it would be insane not to. The pay was much the same as what she was already on, but the chances for bigger and better shows at that hour were endless.

 Matty was also on his own rollercoaster of a career. The 1975 was only getting more and more popular as their debut album began reaching all corners of the planet. What they had expected wasn’t going to go much further than their circle of close friends, was suddenly spreading to places they couldn’t have even dreamed. They toured and interviewed and did meet and greets non-stop to try and keep the hype going. It wasn’t until they started properly discussing a second album release that Matty finally had to stop for a moment and take a (small) breather. He needed the time to work out what he wanted their next step to be. Once the band had the majority of the album planned out, and a few songs properly sorted, they figured it was time to start releasing some material. And in an incredibly convenient turn of events, they found themselves back at home while they were looking for a way to debut their lead track. So, what better way to get their new material out there than to broadcast it live across national radio? Of course, Matty had been pretty quick to suggest where they should do that.

  It had been over two years since he’d last been on her show. Both of them were acutely aware of that as he knocked on the glass door the morning of the interview. She hadn’t been keeping up with the band’s trajectory as much as what she had in the past, mainly for simply not having the time to. Which meant that his new look came as a slight surprise. His hair looked like he’d been letting it grow out much longer than what she’d seen on him previously. He was currently trying to tame this mop of unruly curls by having them tied back in a bun. His jeans had a big enough chunk of denim missing from them that she would’ve thought they’d deserve to be discounted for how much fabric was missing. He was wearing a floral button-up shirt, but she suspected that the buttons clearly didn’t get much use for how few of them he had done up now, his chest tattoo almost on full display. And this seemed to be in contradiction to the obscenely heavy woollen coat that was over the top of it. As he pulled her in for a tight hug, she found herself suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of stale cigarettes and wine. She hesitantly hugged him back, hoping that the scent wouldn’t linger on her own clothes.

“What’s with the shades?” She asked as he moved back, eyeing the sunglasses still perched on the bridge of his nose. It made sense for him to wear them on his way here, but she wasn’t sure if he was aware that he was still wearing them inside the studio.

“Hungover.” He answered with a shrug. She just nodded, supposing that it was a Saturday, it would make sense for him to have been out last night.

  “I can’t believe it’s been over two years!” He said as he plopped himself down across from her, setting an opaque water bottle down on the desk.

“Yeah, I think we’ve both been pretty busy.” She nodded in agreement.

“Told you that you’d get bumped up to a peak hour slot eventually.” He grinned. His smile forced an uncomfortable flutter through her chest, but she couldn’t deny that she was incredibly proud of that accomplishment.

“You did.” She smiled back. “The early mornings have been a rough routine to get into, but it’s been nice having new goals to work towards.” She nodded, thinking back for a second on all the things she’d manage to accomplish in the short time she’d been in her new role. “I’m sure you’ve got many stories of your own.”

He chuckled lightly, “Yeah, a few.” He scratched at the back of his neck as he glanced down at the table. “I’ll save them for the interview.”                                      

 Now that she had a more structured show, she had a bit more of a routine to adhere to with her interviews. Which definitely made things a lot easier. It meant that she didn’t have to wing it as much knowing each interview would have the same intros. “So, you guys played two shows at Alexandra Palace this week-” She started as the intros finished up, before Matty cut her off.

“Yeah, we’ve been in London for the last week or so for those shows.” He confirmed.

“Oh.” She said, suddenly finding a million thoughts running through her head. He’d been in London for a week already and he’d not tried to catch up? She knew he was a busy guy but a week was a long time to be stuck in a part of the country that wasn’t where you actually lived. Trying to ignore the pang of hurt in her chest, she continued, “Are you keeping busy?”

“Just trying to keep writing and recording for the new album, seeing my girlfriend when I can.” He said with a nod. Ah. Girlfriend. Suddenly not trying to get in touch made a lot more sense.

She cleared her throat before continuing, “How’s that going?” Things already felt like they didn’t flow as well as what they had the last time that they saw each other. Too much time had passed to just pick up and act like nothing had happened in that gap. She felt almost like she was back at square one, meeting this man for the first time.

“I’d rather not talk about it.” He shot back. She frowned in response. “I’m sorry, I just… don’t like discussing that stuff in interviews. Relationship problems shouldn’t be hashed out through headlines.” He explained.

  There was a pause as she tried to catch up to the path his brain had decided to take, rather than what she had intended. “I meant the album.” She corrected him.

“Ah, yeah! That’s going well.” He laughed. “We’ve been getting heaps of material recorded while we’ve been up here.”

“When will it be out?”

He hummed thoughtfully as he pushed his sunglasses back up his nose, “In about six months, I reckon. We’re thinking sometime around February.”

“That’s not too far away. I’ve heard the album described as ‘a bunch of eclectic sounds’, do you think that’s an accurate way to define it?” She questioned.

“We didn’t know what to do after the first album. I think that we made a decision that we just wanted to be truly expressive and for it to be in pursuit of the truth. That’s why the album is called I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful, Yet So Unaware Of It, because we were scared about making a new record. And I thought ‘you know what? I’m gonna – it’s just about making decisions. About making bold decisions.’ “ He had a look of conviction as he said this, “The record is kind of comprised of that attitude. It was called that before we’d even written any of it.”

  “That’s a very dramatic album title.” She pointed out.

“Well… we’re very dramatic boys.” He said with a grin.

“It’s definitely going to be a mouthful for anyone asking about it.”

“It was just something I said to a girlfriend of mine, at the time. It kind of laid the foundations for the bold decisions thing. If it’s called that, then there’s no rules as to what it could be. But it’s subjective, it could be perceived as quite sweet, it could be perceived as quite voyeuristic.” He answered with a shrug.

“If people weren’t aware of you guys before, having an album title like that and making bold decisions,” She emphasised the words as she quoted him, “is for sure going to get you on the map.”

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Yeah, that does seem to be the direction we’re headed in…” He agreed. “You know, sometimes I think about toning it down, but then I remember who I am and think… nah.” He dwelled on this for a moment, before pulling himself back on track. “The first record, the idea of being judged just wasn’t there, because nobody had heard it or was potentially gonna hear it. The preservation of that idea, and the cultivation of it in the face of this knowing of how many people are gonna hear it – that was the most important thing to the record. Writing from the purest place.”

  “It’s sounding like it will be very different from your last album.”

“Mmhm.”

“And even from what you’re saying, it sounds like this album, much like the last, will be very different within itself. In light of that, would you say the concept of genre is dead?” She asked, leaning back in her seat as she watched him process his answer.

“Yeah.” He eventually said. “They’ve never really mattered. Genres, I mean. Imagine if you woke up one morning right, and you had your record collection, and the concept of genre just didn’t exist. The purity of that experience, of listening to music without those rules, it’s like a blissful idea.” He let out a sigh before shaking his head. “I really don’t care, to be honest with you. It’s so irrelevant to me.”

She figured that was as good a time as any to segue into her next line of questioning, “It’s been a while since we had you in the studio. The last time was right after your debut self-titled album came out. But you have released the track Medicine since then.”

“Yep.”

“I feel it’s a very…” She searched for a second for the right word to describe it, “minimalistic track?”

He nodded slightly before speaking, “We wanted it to sound like Velvet Underground produced by Trevor Horn, you know? That was kind of the vibe.” He made a vague hand gesture at this. “But I wouldn’t say it’s very representative of our next record. It’s kind of a return to the sound of our EPs. It was weird with us, because for a lot of people the first thing they heard was the album. But we released that after a year of releasing EPs, which really embedded us in the musical culture we wanted to be in. We kind of came from the left field and moved slightly to the middle. But a lot of people saw us immediately with Chocolate and Girls and misinterpreted the irony of some of the kind of pop elements of that.”

  “The 1975 have definitely had their fair share of poppy radio hits.” She concurred.

“Yeah, you guys are playing us non-stop.” He chuckled.

“All of that attention on the airwaves has gotten you a few pretty awesome gigs, too. Have you got a favourite festival that you’ve played across the last few summers?” She asked as he took a swig from his water bottle.

“Glastonbury.” He answered instantly, before feeling the need to elaborate. “Uh, Glastonbury’s kind of… It’s Glastonbury. If you’re from the UK it’s kind of the festival.” He said with a pointed look. “And Glastonbury is one of the only festivals where we can walk around, because it’s so enormous. They leave you alone a little bit there. I managed to walk around kind of… freely… But we did like… pfft,” He looked like he was counting in his head for a split second, “three festivals a weekend all summer or something like that. We’ve been everywhere from Finland to Latvia to Singapore.”

“Playing so many shows now, and meeting so many people, are you finding the fans are getting kind of crazy? You guys must nearly be at boyband status in some parts of the world.”

“The shows are very intense. It’s weird because there’s a lot of young… well, you know I don’t mean young,” He scrunched his face up as he corrected himself, “when I say the main core audience is say sixteen to nineteen. But it’s a lot of young kid’s first shows. So, the first twenty-five minutes of the show is just…” He tried to find the right words, before letting out a laugh, “It’s a shit show. Just people getting pulled out, fighting, passing out… There’s so much fainting.” He answered as he began trying to pluck a hair off the microphone that was stuck to it.

  “Well, you guys might be about to cause even more passing out now.” She began, taking a glance at the clock and seeing that it was nearly halfway through their allotted interview time.

“Oh?” He mumbled in confusion.

“Because right now, we are going to give people the first listen of a brand-new track from your upcoming album.” She clarified, mostly for the sake of listeners but it seemed that Matty himself had forgotten the reason he was here.

“Oh! That’s right.”

“You heard right, folks. Coming up right now is going to be the live debut of The 1975’s new track, Love Me. Any final words Matty before it’s out there in the world?” She asked as her finger hovered over the switch to fade their audio out and switch to the music.

He thought for a second. “Nah, not really. Enjoy it, I suppose.”

  She switched off the interview track and pressed play on the new song, instantly seeing the text line overflowing with incoming messages from fans. For a second, she tried to read a few, before eventually minimising the window for now to avoid giving herself a headache. Looking back to the man sitting across from her, she had expected him to have been waiting to say something, or for him to have already been halfway through a story, but he was just staring at his phone, his headset still sitting on his head. Considering how hard it seemed to be to get in touch, she felt it would’ve been nice to have at least, you know, three minutes to try and catch up. This suddenly made the fact that he had been in London for a week without dropping a message make more sense, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Their breaks between songs had previously been filled with light hearted conversation, and now the silence just felt suffocating. Had he really changed that much in two years to not even wanna talk? She let the song play through, then played a few snippets of interview introduction to segue back into them talking before switching the microphones back on.

  “You just heard The 1975’s new song, Love Me, for the very first time. A special live debut off their new album for all of you lovely listeners. We had a lot of messages coming in from fans telling us their thoughts.” She spoke, before Matty chimed in.

“What did you think?” He asked as he leaned forward in his seat to rest his elbows on the desk.

“I liked it.” She answered truthfully.

“Did you listen to it prior to hearing it now?” He asked in curiosity.

“Yeah, I listened when it was emailed to me this morning, in case I happened to miss it this time around.” She nodded. He just let out a noise of appreciation before leaning back into his seat. “You were right, it’s very different to what you’ve done in the past.”

“We’ve made a record where every song sounds different from the other ones. Back to the concept of genre, we don’t listen to just once genre anymore. We consume whatever sounds good. So, we want to create in that same way that we consume. And we just thought that, er, our choices of songs that we put out had to be based on confidence. Bold decisions, as I said before.” He said with a dismissive wave. “I think this first track is... quite bombastic? George said to me once that ‘if we don’t go with it now, when are we going to go with it?’ And he was right. It’s a bit of a big ballsy song.”

  “That’s a pretty good way to describe it.” She agreed with a nod. “I’ve heard that there are quite a few songs on this album where, lyrically, you’re exploring a few new concepts? Like ego and sexuality. Can you elaborate on that?” She questioned.

“I think if I elaborated on a lot of stuff, it wouldn’t symbolise things in a certain way. You know, if everything was laid open. Like Medicine isn’t a love song about a girl for example,” He said that offhandedly, but suddenly she found herself thinking on what the song is about, if not that. But he continued talking over her thoughts. “but I don’t talk about those things. I like to let the music speak for itself. Erm… well, yeah. I think the idea of a conflicted sexuality is something loads of people go through. The shared experiences that loads of people go through, the shared fears of humanity like love, death. I don’t think there’s any question for anyone who knows my band that I’m slightly odd in a sexual way.” He made a face as he said this before laughing at himself. “I’m not exactly the most manly man in the world. But there’s just… stuff about sexuality and the superficiality of it and what it really means. But I’m still writing parts of it at the moment. It’s a bit of a weird time doing press right now.”

  “You always seem to have a hell of a vocabulary in your lyrics, so I’m sure whatever themes you end up writing about, you’ll end up doing it in some kind of poetic way.” She prompted, but he just continued on his own tangent.

“It’s erm… The whole point of this was…” It looked like he was struggling to find the right words as he adjusted his sunnies. “It goes back to identity, and it goes back to… there’s a lot of stuff on this record, where I’m answering questions from the first album, and I’m making references to the first album. And I’m talking about y’know, being wiser now and more naïve then. And there’s this back and forth between the album that preceded this album and this album that our fans will really, really understand the subtext of.” He said, before figuring he should probably round back to what she had said. “So, I suppose that is kind of poetic, yeah.”

“And you have that knack for imagery and storytelling through you as the main focus of the lyrics that people latch onto.”

“One of the things that I always want people to be aware of, is if I’m talking with a sense of kind of… dissatisfaction about behaviour in my songs? Is that I’m normally talking about me. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m saying those things. It’s often my reactions to those things being said.” He explained.

  “A few more light-hearted questions before we round out this interview.” She said as she stretched her arms above her head. Trying to maintain the same sense of chemistry that had existed in their last interview was taking its toll, she was eager for this to be over. “I’ve seen that there’s a petition going around about you guys.” Matty instantly groaned. “Will you ever play Antichrist live?” She asked.

He let out a dry laugh. “I like it lyrically, but it so doesn’t sound like us.” He huffed, before frowning. “We might play it.” He said eventually.

“I’m sure a lot of fans will be excited to hear that it’s not off the table just yet. Next one, in your travels in the last couple of years, have you met any celebrities that you’ve been starstruck by?”

“Not really… There’s been a few, but nobody I’ve been properly starstruck by.” The gears were visibly turning in his head as you could see him running through people in his mind. “I wanna meet Miley Cyrus…” He said under his breath, before looking across the desk to her. “I wanna meet her so much. Why’ve I not met her yet? I’ve met loads of people in that world that I’m not that impressed with.”

“One last question that I saw come up on the text line, if you had a biography written about yourself, what would you title it?”

“FUCKING LEGEND.” He shouted without a second thought. Eventually, once he stopped laughing, he considered the question seriously. “What would I call it..? Probably something to do with my hair. The only thing people care about is my fuckin’ hair.” He resigned as he absentmindedly brought his hand up to said hair.

  “That’s all we’ve got time for, Matty.” She said as she let out a relieved breath.

“Aw, shame.” He pouted.

“I’m sure you’ll be off to your next great adventure in no time.” She assured him, putting on the interview charisma. “But for now, it was lovely to have you on.”

“Always great to be on.” He beamed.

“All the best with recording the new album.”

“I’m sure we’ll be back out here soon.” He said with a nod, but given their track record she had a feeling that he didn’t mean that.

“That was Matthew Healy of The 1975, on the show here this morning to debut their new song Love Me off their upcoming album, I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful, Yet So Unaware Of It.” As she spoke, she watched out of the corner of her eye as Matty began getting up and gathering his things. “We’ll be playing it for you again in the next hour, so keep listening out if you want that replay.” She said as she queued up the next set of tracks and faded her audio out.

  Once she had taken her headset off, Matty came around to her side of the desk. He didn’t seem to dawdle as much this time waiting for her to be free to speak to him, but he also didn’t seem entirely at ease as he tried to casually sit against it. “Come out for a drink with me.” He suggested as he stole a glance at her over the rim of his sunglasses.

The abrupt offer caught her off guard and she had to think for a moment about what to say. “It’s mid-morning?” She asked in confusion. “And I’m at work?”

“After that.” He shrugged casually.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” She questioned, suddenly finding herself feeling like she knew less and less about this Matty the more he spoke today.

“What does that have to do with anything?” He asked with a frown.

That was the final straw. He’d done more than enough in the half-hour he’d been here to make her grateful that they hadn’t stayed in touch. “Look, I know you’re an attractive guy and all but that doesn’t mean you can just get away with whatever you want.” She shot back.

He suddenly had a look of surprise on his face as he tried to backpedal, “Hang on, that’s not-“

“And I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression before.” She added.

“That isn’t-“

“The interview’s over. I think you should get going.” She said finally, watching as his face fell. She expected him to look angry or defiant, to want to argue the point, but instead he just seemed… disappointed?

“Yeah... Sounds like I should.” He mumbled as he left the studio.

Taglist:  @imagine-that-100 @dot-writes @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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#Matthew Healy x Reader #Matty Healy x Reader #Sunsetinmyvein

[for-fucks-sake-h]

Smooth Operator: Part Two

Word Count: 6.7k // Rated: M, mature // Story Page

*Y/N’s texts are in italics. Harry’s texts are in bold.*  

The oc version of this story can be found on Wattpad. 

*** 

“I’ll do the chicken tostadas, thanks.” Y/N spoke as she handed the waitress her menu.  

“I don’t think we’ve been out like this in months,” Bec said with a smile.  

The girls had reservations at a mexican spot they loved, skipping their usual Saturday brunch for a late Saturday dinner. The restaurant had great food, even better margaritas, and a really cool, eclectic atmosphere.  

“Cheers!” El raised her drink to the center of the table, “To us, and finally being done with this bloody case!”  

They were all smiling as they clinked their glasses.  They just finished a huge case that they had been working on for weeks now. It had Y/N super stressed and high strung for a while, but paid off in the end with a positive outcome for them.  

They were joking and laughing until their eyes were watering while they waited for their food. Y/N felt good being out for a change. Enjoying a nice dinner with her friends, being able to unwind a bit. It was good for her. She always felt like she was in work mode but she needed to have time to just enjoy the moment like this. Going out to dinner didn’t seem like much but it was for her.  

They thanked their waitress when she brought their entrees out and ordered another round of drinks. The table was quiet for a few moments as they dug into their food as if they had each been starving for days.  

Y/N’s phone suddenly lit up on the table with a soft ping, making all three of their eyes flick over to it but not thinking much of it. Until it did the same thing again less than a minute later.

“Alright, what happened to the no phone policy while we’re eating?” El said with a smile. “You guys nearly ripped my head off last time.”

“That’s because you’re always on yours. We made the rule for you,” Bec says with a mouthful of her taco.  

El gives Bec the side eye before jutting her chin out quickly in the direction of where the phone was sitting, “Is that him?”  

Y/N was quiet as a small smile pulled at her lips, leaning forward to read the messages on her lock screen.  

Enjoy your night out  

Hopefully we can talk later if you’re not too tired x   

She really tried to fight the insistent smile that was forming as she slid her phone into her purse with a quick “mhm” as a response to her friends.  

Y/N had been texting Harry consistently for a few weeks now. They have some sort of exchange nearly every day. Sometimes it’s just a few quick messages back a forth wishing each other a good day. Other times she’s telling him a full blown story of chasing Rocco down the street when his leash slipped out of her hand. Or Harry is complaining about a miserable customer that doesn't understand why he can’t fix their laptop after it fell in the bathtub.   

A couple days have passed here and there when they haven’t texted and she finds herself wondering what he’s doing. Just as quickly as a thought of him snuggled up on his couch forms a picture in her mind, she dismisses it. She has no idea what he looks like and she certainly has no idea how he cuddles on a couch.

But she likes talking to him. Their conversations are easy and he’s funny with his dry humor and corny jokes. It’s hard not to like him and his company. But again, whenever she starts to think like that she shakes her head at herself. She doesn’t have his company. Texting can hardly equate to that and she thinks the more she focuses on that fact, the better off she’ll be.

She finds herself battling with this a lot though. She feels like she’s getting to know Harry but also feels like she doesn’t know him at all. Not really. How much could she possibly get to know him in this capacity? How much would she want to? How would she feel if she gets too attached? This is his job. He does this with plenty of other people. What makes her think that the way they talk is so special?

She can’t deny the little sliver of happiness she feels when she gets a message from him though.

“So you’ve been talking a lot, huh?” Bec asks.

“Yeah, we have. He’s really nice.”

“Nice?” El replies, one of her eyebrows raising in question.   

“Yup,” Y/N confirms, popping the end of the word dramatically.

“Alright, spill bitch!” El said with a smile.  

Y/N chuckled, “There isn’t much to spill. He’s nice. I like talking to him.”

“Okay so why do you seem so solemn about it then?” Bec questioned.  

Y/N stuffed a bite of food into her mouth to give herself a second to think before answering. “I’m not. I’m just… cautious. I like talking to him, maybe a little too much for my own good.”

“You’re worried about getting attached?” El asked.  

“Well, yeah. You’re suppose to make connections, right? Well it’s kind of hard to know where to draw the line of how connected you get. Like, I want to get to know him but I feel I should also keep my guard up.”

“Nothing wrong with that. I just want you to have fun. It’s supposed to be fun. Enjoy yourself! Try not to worry so much.” El spoke with a smile. She had a way of comforting Y/N, confirming the things she already knows but lets her brain worry herself too much anyway.  

She knows El is right. She definitely worries about things that she has no control over, things that are so far down the line that they shouldn’t even be a focus yet. She has no reason to be worrying about getting close to Harry. Is she really going to hold herself back when she hasn’t even really given herself a chance to experience him?

“Hard to shut my brain off,” Y/N smiled. She felt lucky to have friends that she could talk to about anything and never worry about them judging her or thinking differently of her. “But you’re right.”  

“Of course she is,” Bec says over a mouth full of food. “So have you talked on the phone with him yet?”

“Not yet. Honestly he hasn’t really tried to initiate it. He seems fine with texting.” Y/N says with a furrowed brow. She did think it was a little odd that Harry was so willing to text her. He never asked her to call him and never turned the conversation sexual unless she gave the opening.

When she gave it though, he jumped. He excited her, just his messages made her skin tingle. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little antsy to know what it would be like to actually talk to him. To hear him say the filthy things he texted her. To know what his voice sounded like when he told her how bad he wanted her or what a moan sounded like when he was so turned on he couldn’t keep it in. She’s listened to his voice memo more times than she would ever admit.   

“You probably have to call him. Wait, you aren’t getting charged for the texting, are you?” Bec asks with wide eyes.

“No no, you only get charged for the calls.” Y/N laughed. “Maybe you’re right. I don’t know, there’s still a little part of me that is weirded out by it. I think he likes texting me and that doesn’t cost anything. But calling him, having to pay for it, feels a bit sleazy if I’m honest.”

“Please, it’s no different than buying porn. If he felt exploited in any way he wouldn’t be doing it.” El brushes off quickly.  

Y/N shrugs at the thought. “Yeah, true.”

“Are you still nervous to talk to him?” Bec asks.  

“A little. Just the unknown, you know? I want him to like it too. I think that’s why it feels sleezy, the thought of him doing it and not being into it is just, bleh.” Y/N gags onto her finger for the extra effect, making her friends laugh with her.  

“I get that. But you’re a smart girl, Y/N. I think you would be able to tell if he was into it or not.” El laughs.  

“Or he’s just really good at his job,” Y/N challenged with one lifted brow.  

“Are you looking for excuses?” Bec laughs.  

“Maybe…” Y/N smiles down at her plate.  

She could admit that she may have been looking for every reason not to call Harry. She felt like she was damned if she did and damned if she didn’t. They could talk and she could love it. Scary. They could talk and not really have a connection over the phone. Boo, that sucks. It’s over as quickly as it started.  

“I think you need to stop worrying and go for it. What’s the worst that could happen?” Bec says, quickly adding, “Don’t answer that,” when she sees Y/N open her mouth to list all the negative outcomes.  

Y/N laughs before changing the subject to a guy Bec is currently talking to, immediately getting a full blown story of how she’s over him already because she heard he’s a player. They enjoy the rest of the night without any more talk of Harry, finishing off two more margaritas before they call it a night after being there for nearly four hours.   

On the car ride home, Y/N stared down at her phone. Specifically her text thread with Harry. She wants to talk to him even though the thought has her heart beating wildly. If her heart beats like this just thinking about it what is it going to be like if she actually talks to him. But she has to know. She needs to experience it, even if it’s only once. Even if she’s playing it up in her head and it’s nothing how she thinks it will be. She thinks that would be better than her continuing to wonder.

I’m in the uber now. Maybe I can call you once I’m home… if you’re up to it?

Harry glanced at his phone on the couch cushion next to him when he heard the ping, his heart dropping to his stomach. He quickly sent back “of course” before tossing his phone back to the couch and running his hands through his hair.  He leaned back, pushing his head back to the top of the cushion and stretching his legs out as he combed through his hair repeatedly.

Relax, he thought.

He lifted his head slowly before whispering, “relax,” down to the organ that was already pulling blood from the rest of his body in need.   

He had to calm down but he was so excited. He’s been thinking about this since he first talked to Y/N. Every time they talk and she puts an lol in her message he wonders what her laugh sounds like. He wonders how she says words like water and caramel. If her voice is high and sweet or low and raspy. Every time she replies with a mmm fuck to some filthy thought he shares with her, he feels like he’s in pain with how much he wants to actually hear her say it. 

He stands quickly from the couch, jumping up and down as if he’s getting ready for a boxing match. Shaking his arms out as if that could possibly help loosen him up. His cock was twitching in his pants at the possibilities this call held. He reaches down to smooth his hand over himself, foolishly thinking that if he gave the pulsing some attention it would calm down.  

He leaned down to check his phone again, seeing that Y/N read his reply but hasn’t answered yet. He turned his tv off, flicked his front hall lights off before going to the kitchen to grab a water bottle and head upstairs.  

He stood in his bathroom looking at himself in the mirror as he gulped down half the bottle. Breathing heavily when he pulled it away from his lips, a mixture of how quickly he sucked the water down and how the anticipation pulsed through his veins.  

He washed his face and rubbed some face cream into his skin with shaky hands. Quickly finishing up in the bathroom and heading to his room. He stood at the foot of his bed as he checked his phone again. Still nothing.

He walked to the side of his bed, placing his phone on the nightstand before turning on the tv that was mounted on the wall across from the bed.  He pulled his t shirt over his head and removed his joggers before slipping into bed. What’s taking her so long?  

His cheeks already felt warm, making him shake his head at himself as he sunk down further in the bed. He flicked through the channels to try to distract himself. Minutes passing like hours as he waited, finally hearing a ping twenty minutes later.  

I’m nervous lol

He smiled at her message, his brain conjuring up the laugh he pretended he knew every time she wrote lol.  

It’s okay. I am too

Really?

Definitely. But I’m excited too.

How excited??  

He let out a deep breath followed by a soft chuckle.

Gotta call me to find out xx  

He watched the message turn to read and waited.  A few minutes passed with him just staring at the phone until he realized he was whispering a quiet “come on” to the screen.

And then it lit up, causing the warmth of his skin to ignite as well. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before accepting the call.  

“Hiii,” he spoke quietly, extending the greeting.    

It was quiet for a second before he heard a low hum followed by an even lower, “Hey,” come through the receiver.  

His heart was already racing but somehow picked up speed at that one word. He was way more nervous then he let on. Maybe even more then he even realized himself.  

“Alright?” he asked with a small laugh.  

“I was wondering what you would sound like when you say that.” Y/N replied with a laugh of her own.

“How I say alright?”  

“Yeah, you say it a lot.” She chuckles softly, the sound making his heart flutter all over again.  

“Wanna make sure you’re alright,” he replies lowly.  

“I know. Always checking on me. I like it,” she finished softly.  

“Good.” The line is quiet for a few seconds before he continues, “How was dinner?”

“Great, had three margaritas,” she laughed. “Think they gave me the balls I needed to finally call you.”  

He laughed, liking the way she talked quickly, ignoring how the way she said balls made his cock twitch again.  

He hummed before answering, “’m glad you called. You’re not drunk?”  

“No, I’m… happy.”  

“Didn’t know happy was a drinking level. Sober, buzzed, drunk, they’re the usual ones,” he teased.  

She laughed, “Yeah of course. Happy is around buzzed, like when you’re just starting to feel good and warm.”  

“Ahh, I see,” he says with a chuckle. “Tha’s good t’know.”    

The line goes quiet for another few seconds before Y/N huffs, “I’m sorry I’m being weird.”  

“You’re not being weird. This is a weird situation. Jus’ gotta relax,” He assures her. “Tell me where you are. Or what you’re wearing.”

“Really,” she giggles. “I didn’t know you were so cliche,” she says through a laugh.  

He chuckles, smiling goofily at the way she teases, “Come on, it’ll help. Get you in the moment.”  

“Hmm okay,” she says.  He can hear shuffling before she continues, “I’m in bed.”  

“Sexy,” he interupts, making her bark out a laugh. His pulse quickens at the sound, smiling at the way she giggles around an apology. “And what are you wearing?”  

“A tee shirt,” she says softly before it’s quiet again.

“Tha’s it?”  His heart beat picks up at the thought of her in laying in bed with her phone pressed to her ear in nothing but a shirt. He has no idea what she looks like but it doesn’t matter, his brain forms the picture in his head and his cock pulses at the thought.  

She confirmed with a quiet “mhm” that makes his pulse pick up even more. He could hear his heart beating it was so hard.     

“Fuck,” he whispered.  

“What?” She questioned and the way she sounded so innocent, like she had no idea what he was thinking made his cock jump.  

“That is… so sexy,” he says as he mutes the tv, wanting to only hear her voice.  

“Is it?” She whispers, her pulse racing, the tingles between her thighs becoming stronger with every word he says.  

“I think so. Do you always sleep like that?” He asks, his voice lowering an octave with the question.  

Y/N swallows thickly before answering, “Usually.”  

She can hear his breathing and the way he whispers, “You’re killing me” makes her cheeks burn.  

The line is quiet again apart for the sound of each other’s breathing. Harry knows she’s nervous but he wants to be sure this is actually what she wants before he goes any further with the conversation.  

“Love, if you’re not comfortable with this yet just say the word.”

“No, no, I am,” she says quickly.  

“You sure? I don’t wan’ you to feel like we have to do this now. ’m perfectly fine with texting you. Textin’ is free,” he trails off.  

He hates the thought of her even remotely feeling forced into anything. She’s being charged for every minute of this call, and he knows it’s a pretty penny. If she’s even the slightest bit uncomfortable it’s not worth her time or money.  

“No I want to,” she says. “I want you,” she says in a soft tone.

Harry exhales deeply, “Fuck, good. Want you too. ‘m so hard,” he says lowly.  

His admission has her pressing her thighs together more. She knows she’s soaked already and he’s barely said anything, the anticipation of it all getting her wound up.  

“Really?” she whispers.  

“So hard. You had my cock twitching when you first asked to call.” He speaks honestly as he slips his hand into his boxers, the contact making him swallow thickly and suck in a breath.    

“God,” she moans quietly. The sound makes Harry’s stomach clench deeply, a soft moan of his own following. “Are you gonna touch it?”

He smiles at how she avoids the word, “Touch what, love?”

“Your cock,” she says softly.  

“Mhm, already am. Wish I wasn’t though. Would much rather be touching you,” he says, his breathing picking up as he strokes his hand from his base to his tip. 

“Oh my god,” Y/N whispers, finally reaching down to slip her fingers through her wet folds. Her clit is swollen, sending tingles throughout her body as she grazes her middle finger down the length of it before circling her entrance. “Shit,” she gasps quietly.  

“Yeah, touch yourself for me love,” Harry says in a strained voice. He sweeps his thumb over his tip, circling his precum over his head, making him release a breathy moan. He pulls the phone away from his mouth as he collects some spit before wrapping his hand around himself again, pumping his cock slowly.   

“Fuck,” she moans quietly as she pulls her wetness up to her clit.  

“Gonna rub your clit ‘til you come?” His voice is so deep, even deeper than it was when he first answered and definitely deeper than the voice memo she listened to repeatedly. His voice was having the same effect on her that she thinks his breath fanning across her skin would as it caused goosebumps to raise and her stomach to clench.  

“Yes,” she moans. “Oh my god.”

“That’s it,” he encourages, the rhythm of his strokes increasing with her pants. She sounds so good, breathing heavily with quiet moans and whines gracing his ears periodically. Everything she says is breathy with a small whine at the end and it makes Harry’s cock throb with every word.  

She’s rubbing small circles into her clit as she listens to him moan on the other line, each moan making her core clench with need. She hasn’t been this wet in ages, her fingers easily slipping over her skin and making her body go warm as she brings her orgasm to the surface with every flick.  

“Fuck,” Harry gasps. “‘m so close, love.”  

His words spur Y/N on, wanting to hear him come. She rocks her hips up to her hand as if he was there, as if he was between her legs and pushing into her over and over again.

“Yes, yes,” she chants softly, making Harry’s cock pulse and a groan come from deep in his chest as he pumps himself faster.  

“Play with your nipples, Y/N. Need you to come for me. Come on,” he urges lowly, knowing from previous texts that her nipples are sensitive, hoping it’ll push her over the edge.

“Fuck, oh my god,” she moans deeply. She does as she’s told, tucking her phone between her shoulder and ear so that she can snake her hand under the hem of her shirt. Her cold fingers flick her nipple quickly, sending chills down her spine. A stark contrast to the warm fingers that rub her clit. “Fuck, I... Harry,” she gasps his name before another moan falls from her lips as she squeezes her eyes shut, her core clenching rapidly as she comes.    

“Shit. Yes, that’s it,” Harry breathes out as he listens to beautiful moans fall from her mouth. He pumps his hand quickly until a low “fuck” and guttural moan comes from his chest and he’s painting his stomach with his release.

They both pant harshly as they come down. Y/N stretches across her bed as she chuckles with a quiet, “Shit,” gasped into the phone that gets Harry laughing.  

“Y‘alright?” He asks with a smile.  

She hums in response, “Are you?”

“Fuckin’ great,” he chuckles. “You’re amazing.”  His heart flutters from his admission, feeling a warm blush travel up his neck and onto his cheeks.  

“So are you,” she says softly. “I hate to just end this but… you know...”  

“No, I totally understand,” he interupts. “I really enjoyed it. Hope you did too.”

“I definitely did.”

He speaks then in a low, almost somber tone, “Night, love.”  

“Goodnight, Harry.” She whispers softly.   

Harry tosses his phone onto the other pillow as he gets out of bed to clean up. This is new. He wanted to keep talking to her. Usually, he’s perfectly fine with getting off the phone once he finished and passing out quickly after. But he feels like he could have stayed on the phone with her for another hour just listening to her talk in that post-orgasm voice.  

As he got back into bed with a low groan he noticed a message.  

We can still text, right?

Fuck, how did such a simple message like that make his heart race?

Absolutely.  

Good. I like texting you.  

Me too

And I like getting off with you

God I like getting off with you

So you’re happy with your service? :)

Very

Narcissist lol  

Ha! Just making sure my customer is happy love  

Your customer is very happy

And still soaked    

Harry groaned at her message, his cock twitching at the thought of her being soaked from him.  

They texted until the late hours of the night, coaxing each other to another orgasm. Messages talking about everything they liked from the phone call. Harry telling Y/N that her moans made his dick throb just thinking about them and her telling him that the way he says fuck makes her pussy clench. Their messages were even more intense now that they could use things the other person does to rile them up more.  

It was nearly 3am when they said their real good nights with promises to talk tomorrow. Harry layed in bed staring at his ceiling willing sleep to come but feeling so wired still from the last few hours he spent with Y/N. Her voice was just as warm as he expected and it turned him on more than he imagined it could.  

He turned over to try to get comfortable, hearing a ping come from his nightstand. He leaned up on his elbow, pressing the home button to light up the screen.

Thank you xxx  

A smile curled the left side of his mouth up as warmth spread across his cheeks.  

Thank you love xx  

***

TGIF.     

Y/N sent Harry the text on her train ride home from the office.  She couldn’t believe how long of a week she had.  She loves her job but she often wonders if it will ever not be like this. If she will ever end her week with a little extra energy to actually do something on a Friday night instead of going home to take a really long bath and cuddle her dog.  

She and Harry have been consistently talking for two months. More often than not she wakes up to a reply from him from their conversation the night before. The night before, when he would talk slowly in his deep voice, telling her all the ways he wanted to fuck her. When he’s moaning from the hand he has wrapped around his cock, begging her to come.  

She has a tendency to fall asleep not long after he helps her orgasm, making their conversation spill into the next day.  They never really end though.  Sure, there are lulls when either are busy.  Hours, sometimes a full day could pass and the conversation would just pick up where they left off.

Y/N liked that about them. Their conversations were easy and could range on the topic throughout any given day.  Like the day they started the conversation off with how much Harry came the night before and ended late that night with a deep discussion of whether they believed there was life on other planets.

Lol long day?

Longest. Do you have plans tonight?   

Yeah I do

Y/N frowned down at her phone.  Damn, she thought.  

Oh okay, have fun. We can talk tomorrow. 

Plans with my bed and you ;)  

Haha why are you like this  

Cause it’s fun  

For who?

Never mind don’t answer that

I’ll be home in 10 :)

Y/N smiled down to her phone before locking it. She couldn’t deny that he made her smile. He was funny, and charming. They got on really well. And they just clicked when it came to the phone sex. He always seemed to know what she needed in the moment to get off.

They’ve spent every Friday night just like this for weeks now. Y/N would get home late from work, eat something quickly, take the fastest shower of her life and get into bed to call Harry. He was always there, ready and waiting for her. There have been nights when they would talk for hours. Her credit card knows that better than anyone.  

It always started out with sex but ended with them talking about something random.  They would catch their breath together, giggle as they came down and then the conversation would shift until one of them found themselves dozing off.  

I’m home. If you’re ready, I was thinking I could take you in the bath with me.  

Love that idea. I’m ready when you are love.

One sec

Y/N started her bath, threw in the epsom salt and bubble bath she always used and took her work clothes off, throwing piece after piece of clothing into her hamper. She had the lights dimmed and lit a candle that she kept on her counter. She pulled her hair up into a bun on the top of her head before stepping into the tub, hissing as she eased into the hot water.   

Once she was settled and the tub was filled she quickly turned the water off, dried her hands on her towel and grabbed her phone to click Harry’s contact.

Setting it down on the ledge and sinking further into the water as it rang, waiting for his voice to grace her ears.

“Hi, love,” he greeted softly.

“Hey! How are you?”

“M’good. You in the bath already?”

“Yes thank god. I’ve missed my baths,” she chuckled softly.

“Missed them?” Harry laughed.

“I use to take a bath every Friday after work but ever since we started talking I’ve taken showers.”

“Is that because you can’t wait to get on the phone with me?”

She could hear the smile in his voice and let her own lips curl slightly.

“Yeah, well, I found that an orgasm relaxes me more than a bath.”  

“Could have been taking baths this whole time, love. I have no problem with making you come while you’re in there.”  

“Yeah?” She asks breathily, her skin tingling with his promise.

“Yeah, can’t help but think about being sat behind you.”

“Gonna rub my shoulders?” She teases.

“Was thinking more that I could rub your clit,” Harry’s voice drops lower as he speaks. “Would you like that?”

“Yes,” Y/N says on an exhale with her knees pressed together.

“Can you do it for me?”

Harry’s laying in his bed with his phone held up to his ear. His other hand is rubbing his cock over is boxers as he listens to her moan softly, imagining her spreading her legs in the tub to tease her clit.

“Do you know how hard you make me?” He asks, his voice strained as he pulls his cock from his boxers and strokes from his tip to the base.

“No,” Y/N breathes.  

“You don’t?” He moans, both from the way her voice sounds soft and breathy and from his thumb rubbing over his tip.

“Nuh-uh,” she breathes again, her head tilting back to rest on the tub as she rubs slow circles on her clit.  

Harry’s cock pulses at her tone. He loves when she’s unassuming like this, especially since he knows that she knows exactly how hard she makes him. They’ve been doing this long enough to know what gets the other person off and although Y/N likes to play innocent, he knows better. She likes his reactions. She likes hearing him moan and tell her how turned on he is.  

“Fuck,” he groans out slowly as he pumps his cock, his hips pushing up to meet his hand the tiniest bit. “I’m throbbin’ for you. Got me so hard, feels like it has its own pulse.”  

“Shit,” she moaned, her imagination conjuring the image of him stroking his cock. Imagining how his skin moves over his hard length. “Are you in bed?”  

He smiled at her inquiry. She did this every night; asked where he was in his house and what he was wearing. She wanted details ever since their first phone call when he told her it would get her in the moment. If they couldn’t see each other then they at least needed to be able to let their minds come up with an image of what the other person might look like while they touched themselves.  

“Yeah love,” he sighed as he stretched his toes towards the end of the bed. “Have my cock pulled out of my boxers. Couldn’t wait,” he blushed at the admission. Even though she couldn’t see him, he still felt embarrassed. He was needy for her. Just her text that she was almost home made him antsy.  

“Will you take them off?” She asked quietly, her cheeks burning from the tingles shooting up her spine and the way she immediately heard the ruffling coming through the phone from him moving around to remove his boxers.  

“Better?” he asked, the smile evident in his tone.  

“Would be better if you were here,” she mumbled with a light laugh, her cheeks warm with desire.    

“As much as I like when you touch yourself, I would much rather be the one touching you,” Harry spoke softly.  

“Yeah,” she encouraged softly, her fingers putting more pressure on her clit. Her legs widened at his words as if she was making room for him.  

“Wanna fuck you with my fingers. Push two in to press against that spot that’ll have your legs shaking f’me.”  

“Shit-”  

“Sat behind you so I can kiss your neck. So you can feel how hard I am against you. Want you to feel how much watching you come from my fingers turns me on.” Harry’s voice is low as he tells her what he knows she wants to hear. His cock is leaking from the thought of feeling her clench around his fingers as she moans his name softly through the phone.

“Oh my god, I want you,” she moans, the words coming out all in one breath. Her core is clenching, begging to have his fingers fill her.    

Harry’s heart flutters at the same time his stomach clenches from her words. She’s said things like that before. That she needed him, wanted him, begged for him even, and every single time his reaction is the same. His face and neck get even warmer and his arousal pools in his belly, swirling with need to actually have her.  

“Give yourself two. Slide two fingers in, just like I fuckin’ would,” Harry instructs her, his voice gravelly as he pumps his cock faster, his wrist twisting around his tip repeatedly.  

“Fuck Harry,” she moans quietly as she pushes her fingers into herself, immediately pumping them slowly, curling them on every deep push.    

“That’s it, love. Now use your other hand to rub your clit until you come for me.” 

Y/N’s moan was strangled, her pleasure falling from her lips as she swirled two fingers over her clit in time with her other hand. Her core was clenching with every pump and every moan Harry let travel through the phone made her stomach twist.

Harry chanted a quiet “yes, yes,” as he stroked his cock faster. He couldn’t keep his own moans at bay even if he tried. Between the throbbing of his cock as he fucked himself and the sounds Y/N made when she was close made it impossible for him to be quiet. “Gonna make me come,” he spoke slowly into the phone.

“Yeah, please,” she moaned at his words as her fingers sped up, her orgasm ready to burst.

“Shit,” he extended the word with a groan as he pumped his cock until he held himself still at his base and his orgasm coated his fingers and stomach. He was quiet for a few seconds, Y/N holding her breath until she heard him gasp once he was finished. She pictured what she envisioned him to look like with his head thrown back and his neck extended as he came all over himself, moaning at the image her mind created for her.

Her neck extended back as the first sparks of her orgasm hit her, slowing her fingers to let the tingles wash over her. “Harry,” she whispered as her core clenched and pulsed around the fingers she held deep inside herself.

“Fuck baby,” his voice was pure gravel, a small moan escaping his throat as he listened to her come. Her moans were wanton and full and instantly made him think of how well she would squeeze his cock if it was inside her.

They were quiet for a moment as they both caught their breath. Y/N’s knees extended back into the water as the rest of her body went lax. “How’s it always so good?” she asks, her voice breathy and slow.

“We’re just fuckin’ good together,” he laughed, shuffling to grab the tee shirt that happened to be beside his bed to clean himself up.

“We really are,” she giggled. “It’s kind of crazy though.”

“Is it?”

“Well yeah, I get off better with you and you’re not even here.” Her voice had that soft post orgasm tone that he loved. The one that made her words sort of mumble together and her volume lower a few decibels. Her gentle tone making the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

“I’ve never gotten off this good,” he admits quietly.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve met people I really click with but we’re… different. Don’t you think?” His hair stood up for a different reasons now, his heartbeat prominently making itself heard in his ears.

“I’m definitely comfortable with you,” she chuckled in reply.

Harry was quiet for a few seconds as his mind fought over what he wanted to say next. “Makes you wonder what’d we really be like together..” he trailed off, feeling his cheeks warming from his suggestion.

“Right,” she giggled softly.

They were quiet again. Harry was willing her to say something else, anything. To give him any indication that maybe she was curious about what he was really like too.

“Oh,” she finally spoke up, making his pulse pick up again. “You called me baby.”

His pulse remained quick even with his disappointment. She was hard to read, her tone didn’t give any indication of how she felt about him calling her that, making him nervous and unsure how to reply.

“Do you like being called that?” He took a shot in the dark. Hoping she did.

“I love it,” she spoke softly.

“S’okay if I call you it sometimes?”  He asked, trying to control his breathing. That simple question making butterflies erupt in his stomach, hoping she’d allow that bit of intimacy.  

“Of course.”

He could hear her smile, causing more butterflies as heat crawled up his neck. “Good,” he murmured, stretching his body across his bed, willing his pulse to relax.

She hummed as she moved, the sound of the water swishing coming through his speaker. “God, I have to get out of here,” she muttered with what he imagined was a pout on her face. “Don’t wanna,” she sounded even more pouty and it made his lips curl into a smile.

“Just add more hot water,” he suggested with a laugh only to hear her whine in response.

“No then I’ll fall asleep and get a stiff neck,” she chuckled. “Hold on.”

He could hear the water fall off her body as she stood. He pretended he knew what she looked like as she stood in her tub, her skin glistening from the water sticking to it. He pictured her wrapping herself in a fluffy towel and carefully stepping out of tub to hopefully get into her bed, warm and naked.

“Do you have guitar lessons tomorrow?” She asked as she dried herself off.

“Yeah first one’s at 7:30.”

“I don’t know how you do it. I would be exhausted if I stayed up this late when I have work in the morning,” she laughed, flicking her bathroom light off before she padded across the room to crawl into her bed.

“I’m used to it,” he laughed softly.

“Well I’m gonna let you go since you won’t do it,” she teased. “Plus I know as soon as my head hits this pillow I’ll pass out.”

“Sure, love. Sleep tight.”

“Night, Harry.”  

She watched the call end, falling back to her pillow as she sprawled her arms and legs out, dropping her phone onto the bed. Normally the mixture of Harry’s voice and an intense orgasm lulled her right to sleep. But tonight? Tonight she stared at her ceiling for a while with thoughts of what her and Harry could be like if she allowed them to get together.    

*** 

masterlist || talk to me

(Part Three)

#harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x reader #harry styles writing #smooth operator

[badsext]

idk if you're still taking requests but i'd love some more robert/klaus smut bc i think i've read all there is up to date lol, was thinking something hella dirty with a the reader being british, also bonus if it ends with someone else walking in on them ;)))

Kitchen Heat: Robert Sheehan x Female Reader

Thanks for the request, anon!  Requests and comments make me so happy! I hope you enjoy!

Words: ~1800

Warnings: It’s pretty smutty :)

After years of culinary school and working as a sous chef in some of the top restaurants in the UK, you decided to move to Los Angeles to open your own restaurant.  The concept: classic British comfort foods updated to suit the health conscious and eclectic millennial palate.  You had recently been graced with a glowing four star write up in Food and Wine magazine which created quite a buzz.  It also drew the attention of your celebrity obsession, Robert Sheehan.  You’d been a devoted fan ever since Misfits.

The first time he came in the place was jammed!  Your staff struggled to keep up with the demand, but you didn’t want to turn anyone away.  The host seated Robert and his friends at a table far enough away from the kitchen to be considered a good table, but close enough that you had sight lines through the narrow kitchen window.  You observed him talking and gesturing enthusiastically with his friends, imagining what he might be saying about your food.  Whatever it was, he looked pleased and your heart swelled with excitement.

That’s when Kim, the waitress came back into the kitchen saying, “Robert wants to meet the chef.” You nearly had to pick yourself off the floor at the news. 

“Tell them I’ll see them straight away,” you said, imitating confidence.  You ran back to the loo to put yourself together.  Working in a busy kitchen has a way of making you look like you’ve been running a marathon through a food fight.  You took off your apron, restyled your bun and applied a bit of powder to manage the shine.  You looked in the mirror and smiled sarcastically at your reflection.  This was about as good as it was going to get without a shower and a change of clothes.  You bravely walked out to the dining room for Roberts critique.

He smiled and got up from the table when he saw you.  He started clapping and his friends joined.  It was surreal.  The blush heated your cheeks.  You took a little bow in response. 

“Y/N, this food is…I can’t describe it…In tastes like the past and the future.  It’s delicious.  I love it.,” he said, gesturing wildly with his hands. 

You laughed. “Wow, thank you, Robert…I don’t know what to say.“  You really didn’t.

You sat down for a few minutes to chat with the group.  Kim brought you a glass of wine, turned away from Robert, her eyes wide, mouthing the words ‘oh my god.’ You tried so desperately to act casual at first until you actually did feel at ease with your new friends.  Robert was so warm and kind.  He had so many questions.  You tried to learn about his current project but he kept bringing the conversation back to the restaurant and the food.  He was really enthusiastic. 

You soon realized that you were needed back in the kitchen, so you excused yourself and went back to your frazzled kitchen staff.  Your memory of those moments with Robert would be etched into your brain forever.  Now it was back to reality, whisking and chopping, searing and garnishing tall, savory dishes long into the night.

A few weeks later Robert returned to the restaurant.  He was alone this time. It was odd seeing a celebrity dining alone.  He ordered the beef wellington and a glass of red.  He was reading something.  A script maybe?  Kim came back to tell you that he had tipped her a hundred bucks, said he wanted to camp out at the table for the rest of the night.  "I think he’s waiting for you,” she said gently digging her elbow into your ribs.

Your heart started pumping at double speed.  Maybe he was interested in you. God knows you had been fantasizing about him for nearly a decade.  After meeting the real Robert, maybe those fantasies weren’t so crazy after all.  It looked like he was actually a fan of yours.  That realization lit a spark in you as you swaggered out into the dining room and up to Robert’s table, sliding into the booth across from him.  “Hello, Robert.”

He dropped his script, clearly flustered. “Y/N, you surprised me!”

“You came back.”

“Well, the food is amazing and I think I’ve got a thing for the chef,” he said with a shy smile.

“A thing, you say? Let’s explore that, shall we?” You looked down at your watch.  "The restaurant closes in twenty minutes.  I could give you a private tour of the kitchen, then we can hit the pub or something."   

"Yes! I like this plan,” he said grinning. 

You spent the next twenty minutes in a daze of growing anticipation.  You made stupid little mistakes trying to manage the final clean up and prep for the next day.  The cooks and sous chef were headed for the pub.  They asked if you’d be joining them. You mumbled something noncommittal and focused on pulling yourself together.  You were now just seconds away from being alone with Robert.

“Everyone’s gone.  Come with me,” you said, grabbing his hand, surprising yourself with your boldness.  The touch of his skin sent electricity to your brain and back down to the heat between your legs.

The overhead lights were off and pilot light from the stove cast a gentle glow when you entered the kitchen.  Robert stepped in close to you, still holding your hand.  "I’ve had everything on your menu.  His head tilted slightly and his gorgeous green eyes looked deeper into yours.  “Is there something else I can try?”

You smiled, acknowledging the innuendo, but decided it would be more fun to tease him. “I’ve got a new desert I’m working on.  It’s a bit like classic trifle, but I’ve added an American twist.  You went over to the walk-in and returned with your latest experiment.  Robert leaned forward curiously, tucking a wayward curl behind his ear.  He watched intently while you assembled the sponge cake, fresh berries, and cream.  "Let’s see if you can guess the secret ingredient.”  You dipped a strawberry in the cream and slowly brought it up to his lips.  He opened his mouth and devoured it sensually, closing his eyes then moaned softly and exhaled. God, everything this man does is erotic, you thought as you watched him swallow the desert.  You inched closer until your lips were a few centimeters from his. “Bourbon,” you whispered. “It’s the secret ingredient.”

“I didn’t have a chance to guess,” he laughed. You studied his long, curly lashes as he blinked. In what felt like slow motion, his lips finally met yours.  You drew a suddenly necessary breath in through your nose, wondering if this was real.  He slid his hands up around the back of your neck and gently slid his tongue into your mouth.  You tasted the lingering sweetness from the strawberry and creme as your tongue mingled with his.  You hooked your arms around his waist. He pressed his body to yours.  Even through your double breasted, heat resistant chef’s coat you could feel his stiff cock pressed against you.

His hands slid down to the buttons of your coat.  He managed the first few, then became frustrated. He pulled away from the kiss with an audible wet smack.  “So may buttons,” he lamented with furrowed brows.  You giggled and finished the job, removing the coat.  Your clingy T-shirt was damp with sweat.  You cringed for a second, worried that would kill the mood, but quite the opposite happened.  Robert was intoxicated by your scent.  He kissed your damp neck, peeled the T-shirt up over your head, then removed his own.  His smooth chest and lean muscles took your breath away. 

You thought for a second about the fact that this was happening in your kitchen.  You were about to break every rule in the book, but that just excited you more.  Besides, you’d sanitize the whole goddam place in the morning anyway. 

You hooked your index finger into Robert’s ridiculously low waistband.  You heard the anticipation in his breath.  He grabbed your wrist, and turned your hand over in his so he could softly kiss your palm.  “Not yet,” he said.  You started walking toward the empty stainless steel prep table, looking back at him over your shoulder.  He grabbed your hips and positioned himself behind you, answering your non verbal question.  Then he kissed your back and shoulder blades as you unclasped your bra.  His wet kisses sent shudders down your spine.  He cupped your breasts and gently pinched your nipples while grinding his cock against the small of your back. 

Your pussy was already soaked when you both started feverishly wrestling with your pants.  You kicked off your shoes and Robert took care of the rest.  You stood before him naked but for your socks.  He gave you a boost up onto the table, your knees spread apart.  You leaned forward placing both palms down in front of you.  Robert’s hands grabbed two handfuls of your ripe ass.  You whimpered when he ran his fingers up and down your wet slit, then gasped when he eased them inside you.

You were about to get off on his fingers alone when he slowly pulled them out and replaced them with his mouth.  His lips and tongue explored every part of you from your clit to your asshole and back again. He made swirling rhythmic motions that made you twitch and moan until you came like an earthquake.

Rob guided you down off the table until your feet were back on the ground and gently bent you over. Then he slid his cock inside you, bucking his hips until he was as deep as it would go.  He grabbed your hips and began grinding and thrusting.  Your nipples grazed against the cold stainless steel table with every movement, adding to your pleasure.  Just as you were rounding the corner to your second orgasm the lights flicked on.  You shrieked.  

“Oh shit!”  Kim screamed and shielded her eyes with her hand like you do in the bright sun.  You and Rob tried to cover up the best you could, using your hands as fig leaves. Kim laughed nervously.  “Well, you two…keep calm, carry on,” she mumbled and turned to go, forgetting why she came back in the first place.  “My phone”…she reached awkwardly for the object on the counter… “forgot my phone.”  Then she bolted for the door.  As soon as she was gone you both burst out laughing.

“Y/N, I don’t mean to sound forward, but would you like to come over to my place?”  

You laughed and nodded.  "That sounds lovely, Rob.”

Want more?

@moorehollandplz @helena-way07 @turtlease @zohrayoung @vices-brendon @fangirl110603 @addan-anye @wow4stories @clockworkchild @isabellagiron@lilim13 @becka1703 @this-bitch-actually @ineffablecrowley666 @tootsie-noodels @ohyoubringmejoy @yeetskeetbuddy @klaushollandyoung

#robert sheehan smut #robert sheehan imagine #robert sheehan #klaus hargreeves #tua #nathan young #robert sheehan x reader

[obtusemedia]

Ranking The 1975′s songs, from worst to best

The 1975 are unabashedly political, wildly eclectic in musical style, and masters of striking the perfect balance between strange and accessible. They’re also the most important, and arguably the best, band of the last five years or so.

However, despite their ability to pen generation-defining anthems and incredibly sticky pop hits, The 1975 have a fatal flaw: they overstuff their albums. All of their records, even their most consistent one (2018′s A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships) have at least a couple filler songs. Because of that, and because the Manchester band love to dabble in nearly every musical style on the planet (except hip-hop, which is probably for the best), a song-by-song evaluation is the best way to judge The 1975′s catalog. And with the recent release of their hit-and-miss fourth record, Notes On A Conditional Form, there’s not a better time to do just that.

But first, some ground rules:

1) To make the list, songs had to appear on one of The 1975′s four albums, or their four debut EPs (which I normally wouldn’t count, but they contain many of the band’s essential songs).

2) The 1975 love to include instrumental interludes on their records. I’m not ranking those — Matty Healy has to sing on the track for it to count.

3) The 1975 also begin every album with a self-titled song. Because three of them are variations on the same song, and the fourth is a spoken-word track with climate activist Greta Thunberg, these won’t be on the list either. (For the record, the best version of the song is their second attempt, although I respect the hell out of the Thunberg monologue.)

#69: “Is There Somebody Who Can Watch You” (The 1975, 2013)

The bottom of this list will be mostly comprised of the painfully boring, minimalist ballads that The 1975 used to end their albums with (thankfully, their last two album closers were phenomenal...we’ll get to them much later). One of the most appealing aspects of The 1975 is their bold, in-your-face style. A bland, hookless piano ballad like “Somebody” is the opposite of that. I already forgot how the tune goes.

#68: “Don’t Worry” (Notes On A Conditional Form, 2020)

The backstory behind “Don’t Worry” — lead singer/lyricist Matty Healy’s dad wrote it for his family ages ago, and now Healy’s recording his own version of it — is cute. The actual song, unfortunately, is a treacly mess that sounds like something from Barney & Friends. But if Barney aggressively, and unsuccessfully, tried to ripoff Bon Iver’s autotuned ballads.

#67: “She Lays Down” (I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it, 2016)

Postnatal depression is a real issue, and one that should be explored more in song. But The 1975 were clearly not the band to do it, judging by how boring and forgettable “She Lays Down” is.

#66: “Woman” (Facedown EP, 2012)

The band’s first boring closing track, way back on their debut EP! Considering how great Facedown’s other three songs are, this aimless ballad is a major disappointment.

#65: “Bagsy Not In Net” (Notes)

This overly reverb-y nothing of song is a prime example of something that should have been cut from the overlong Notes On A Conditional Form tracklist.

#64: “Playing On My Mind” (Notes)

Speaking of boring late-album songs from Notes that should’ve been left on the cutting room floor! At least this one has a halfway decent melody.

#63: “Surrounded By Heads and Bodies” (A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships, 2018)

The only interesting things about this shuffling ballad are A) the very metal song title that doesn’t match the actual tune at all, and B) Healy sings this song about a woman named Angela. Is this meant to be from the perspective of Dwight Schrute?

#62: “Head.Cars.Bending” (Music For Cars EP, 2013)

Later in their career, The 1975 would excel at off-kilter electronic jams. But “Head.Cars.Bending,” one of the band’s first attempts at that style, proves that it took a lot of practice to perfect that sound, because yikes — this is rough. That lurching beat makes me seasick.

#61: “Nana” (I like it...)

It’s not a track I ever return to, but I’ll admit that “Nana” has a nice melody and is an appropriately reverent and pretty tribute to Healy’s dead grandmother.

#60: “Inside Your Mind” (Brief Inquiry)

The 1975 attempted to blend shoegaze guitars with ‘80s cheeseball power ballads on “Inside Your Mind.” It was a noble attempt! The guitar lick sounds great! But the track sadly stays at one level throughout, so the song never achieves liftoff.

#59: “Talk!” (The 1975)

The 1975′s self-titled debut is an outlier in the band’s discography, as it came before the shameless (and fun!) genre-hopping of their next three records. In contrast, the debut has a very early-’10s, Urban Outfitters-core indie pop-rock sound throughout. On some songs, that sound works really well! But there’s also a glut of mediocre filler tracks that fit that sonic description. The stop-and-start, neck-jerking “Talk!” is one of those filler tracks.

#58: “Yeah I Know” (Notes)

One of the few musical styles that Notes returns to frequently during its runtime is a skittery, repetitive drum-and-bass sound. Although none of these songs are outright bad, they’re mostly not too interesting either. “Yeah I Know” is the worst of the bunch, with annoying chipmunk voice effects and a dreary vibe.

#57: “She Way Out” (The 1975)

"She Way Out,” despite having an opening lyric that calls back to one of The 1975′s very best songs (which we’ll get to much, much later), is just another one of the dime-a-dozen mediocre pop-rock nuggets that flood the tracklist of The 1975′s self-titled debut. The guitar lick is pretty tasty, I guess.

#56: “Pressure” (The 1975)

ƒAnd here’s another one of those pop-rock filler songs! At least this one has a nice shuffling groove. Still, I’ll stick with the charmingly bonkers Billy Joel song of the same name (and its gloriously awful, very early ‘80s music video). 

#55: “The Birthday Party” (Notes)

This folksy ballad tries to jack the style of emo-country act Pinegrove, while Healy makes a half-hearted quip about the unclear acts of “sexual coercion” that the band’s lead singer admitted to. But “The Birthday Part” doesn’t have the concise songwriting or heart-wrenching emotions of “Old Friends.” Instead, it sort of just meanders around for a few minutes. The melody is nice — and I did enjoy Healy’s quip about not being able to poop in a shared hotel room, so he has to sneak to the hotel lobby — but most of the song just feels pointless.

#54: “Anobrain” (Music For Cars EP)

“Anobrain” reminds me a lot of a deep cut from one of my other favorite bands: U2′s “Promenade.” They’re both short, oblique slices of atmosphere and haze that are pretty, but don’t build into something greater. Think of “Anobrain” as a warmup for the superior nocturnal synthpop that The 1975 would pen in later records.

#53: “Undo” (Sex EP, 2012)

“Undo,” an otherwise standard early-era midtempo tune with lots of reverb, gets some bonus points for its smooth, swaying beat and a solid hook.

#52: “Mine” (Brief Inquiry)

When I imagined what “The 1975 does a jazz song” would sound like, I was hoping for something more frantic and bebop-y. “Mine” doesn’t sound like that at all — it’s a loungey slow-dance ballad that’s less Miles Davis and more Cole Porter. But regardless, it’s still an interesting detour. Who said quirky genre excursions were only limited to upbeat songs? Or that they had to be quirky?

#51: “The Ballad Of Me And My Brain” (I like it...)

I love the musical elements of “The Ballad” — the cascading drum fills, the thundering splashes of guitar, the twinkling keyboards, Healy’s delirious vocals. But the actual song itself doesn’t do much for me. Having a song about literally “losing your mind” and your brain is wandering in a grocery store, at a bar, etc. is a cute idea on paper, but it just sounds awkward in execution.

#50: “I Think There’s Something You Should Know” (Notes)

Here’s another of Notes’ repetitive drum-and-bass songs. But at least “I Think...” has a catchy tune and a bit more musical evolution throughout.

#49: “Haunt // Bed” (IV EP, 2013)

“Haunt // Bed” has one thing that distinguishes itself from other middling EP-era 1975 tracks: the pulsating loop that undulates beneath much of the song. It’s an interesting choice, and certainly helps the song stand out despite its forgettable melody.

#48: “Settle Down” (The 1975)

Probably the best of the debut album’s jangly pop-rock filler tracks, “Settle Down” still sounds like a weaker version of that record’s big singles. Which is interesting, as it was a single itself. But I’m certainly not going to kick it out of bed — the soaring chorus is legitimately great, and the funky guitar riff is nice.

#47: “Paris” (I like it...)

This mid-tempo, snarky character study about a drug-addicted party girl almost feels like 1975 on auto pilot. But just because Healy and co. could knock out a song like this in their sleep, that doesn’t mean “Paris” isn’t a pleasant, silky smooth comedown from the zanier cuts on I like it.

#46: “Then Because She Goes” (Notes)

The 1975 going full Slowdive and making a fuzzy, shoegaze-y jam? Sounds incredible! Unfortunately, “Then Because She Goes” doesn’t quite live up to that premise, mostly because it’s so brief. At just a notch over two minutes, the song doesn’t give itself anytime to expand or go anywhere interesting. It’s a case of wasted potential, but at least the sliver of a song we got is decent.

#45: “Be My Mistake” (Brief Inquiry)

There are a couple exceptions to the “The 1975 shouldn’t do acoustic guitar ballads” rule. “Be My Mistake” is one of them. It’s nothing spectacular, but the melody is quite pretty, and Healy’s troubadour act is sweet. Also, unlike some of the earlier acoustic ballads, there’s no studio gimmickry or weird vocal filters: it’s just a nice coffeeshop ballad.

#44: “M.O.N.E.Y.” (The 1975)

It’s a bit strange that The 1975 decided to slot this single so high in their debut album’s tracklist, ahead of much catchier, more obvious hits. But there’s something infectious to the winking lyrics and jittery production that sounds like clanging slot machines.

#43: “This Must Be My Dream” (I like it...)

If there’s been one constant to The 1975′s albums, it’s that there’ll be at least a couple big, cheesy ‘80s homages. And I’m a huge sucker for those songs. “This Must Be My Dream” is the worst of the bunch — it’s a bit uninspired — but big crashing synths and drum machines are still a weakness for me. Also, Healy’s vocals sound eerily like Phil Collins here...not sure if that’s a plus or minus.

#42: “Roadkill” (Notes)

The superior version of “The Birthday Party,” for two reasons. One: instead of the band half-heartedly dipping its toes into an alt-country sound, “Roadkill” has BIG honky-tonk energy with its twangy guitars and dusty groove. Two: Healy’s little anecdotes are much more interesting and strange here. It still doesn’t have much of a hook or anything, but “Roadkill” is alright by me.

#41: “Lostmyhead” (I like it...)

Putting “Lostmyhead,” a fan-favorite deep cut, in the bottom half of this ranking is a bit of a hot take. So let me make it clear: this is a good song! The issue is, I feel about “Lostmyhead” the way those who dislike The 1975 describe the band’s other genre excursions: it just doesn’t come close to the original. Here, they’re clearly trying to emulate M83′s cinematic post-rock. And it’s passable! But it’s certainly no “Outro” or “Moonchild.”

#40: “Nothing Revealed / Everything Denied” (Notes)

This quirky number feels like a grab bag of various styles The 1975 have tried on throughout the years: a gospel chorus! Sort-of rapped auto-tune verses! A Mark Knopfler-esque guitar solo that sounds like it was recorded two rooms away, for some reason! It doesn’t quite add up to a classic, but it’s certainly attention grabbing, particularly Healy’s self-critical lyrics.

#39: “I Couldn’t Be More In Love” (Brief Inquiry)

Melodramatic late-‘80s R&B isn’t my favorite musical style, so that dings “I Couldn’t Be More In Love” a few points for me. But Healy is absolutely SELLING this thing vocally, corny key changes and all. And drummer/producer George Daniel expertly captures that specific era with some charmingly chintzy keyboard tones.

#38: “What Should I Say” (Notes)

This detour into robotic dancehall doesn’t work quite as well for me as the other track on Notes with this sound, the Cutty Ranks-led “Shiny Collarbone” (which didn’t qualify for this list, as Healy doesn’t sing on it). But “What Should I Say” is solid in its own right, with some twisty keyboard licks and lots of gorgeous chopped-up vocal samples.

#37: “Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy)” (Notes)

It’s a cute old-school soul song at its core (with a prominent Temptations sample!), but I feel like the lurching synths and occasional chipmunk vocals don’t work well with the more traditionalist tune. It’s an interesting test of mixing new and old, but it’s not entirely successful here.

#36: “So Far (It’s Alright)” (IV EP)

This song describes itself pretty accurately: It’s alright! Okay, fine, it’s actually pretty great. The twinkling pianos and Healy’s ghostly vocals are an atypical backdrop for adolescent stories of debauchery and angst, but it somehow works. It’s a song built to naturally cool down a house party.

#35: “Girls” (The 1975)

We’re about halfway through the list, so it seems like a pretty good time to talk about “Girls” — a big early hit for The 1975, but with a sound the group has clearly evolved from. It’s basically a catchier, sharper improvement on their debut album’s jangly pop-rock filler tracks.

But although that chorus is quite sticky, and the groove is nice, it’s not as interesting or unique as The 1975′s later hits, or even other singles from that same album. Another mid-10s semi-indie band of pretty boys could’ve easily recorded it (but it would’ve been their best song).

#34: “Menswear” (The 1975)

This is the point of the countdown at which where each track left is unequivocally a classic. I feel a bit bad putting “Menswear” — a slinky synthpop deep cut with a killer synth riff — this low on the list. But it just shows how many other incredible songs The 1975 have.

#33: “Loving Someone” (I like it...)

I like it when you sleep... doesn’t have quite as much genre hopping as their next two records. Instead, much of it it crystalized the ideal “1975 sound” — of-kilter but sleek synth-heavy rock with some ‘80s influence and some out-there lyrics. “Loving Someone” is a great song in that vein, with Healy delivering some wonderfully pretentious lyrics (“I’m the Greek economy of cashing intellectual checks”) and George Daniel creating a gorgeous cacophony of whirring synths and vocal samples to back him up.

#32: “Facedown” (Facedown EP)

The world’s proper introduction to The 1975, the band’s first song on their debut EP is a perfect distillation of their EP-era sound. The dream-pop keyboards and the processed, nearly Daft Punk-esque vocals make “Facedown” an intriguing invitation into The 1975′s nocturnal world of drugs, women and depression. It might honestly be a better teasing leadoff than the iconic self-titled track that opens The 1975′s full-length albums.

#31: “Heart Out” (The 1975)

This otherwise just-decent synthpop number is elevated by one aspect: the synth bass is incredible. The constant pulsating throb throughout the track gives the song an early-MTV vibe, lending it a sense of drive.

#30: “How To Draw / Petrichor” (Brief Inquiry)

In multiple interviews, Healy described A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships into his attempt at making Radiohead’s OK Computer for a new generation. But with its glitchy, robotic aesthetic, “How To Draw / Petrichor” is much more Kid A.

But despite my distaste for Radiohead’s more experimental side, I really love The 1975′s pastiche of it! Probably because, like the best 1975 songs, it has a really strong melody. But unlike many of their other great tunes, “How To Draw” is a snaking, constantly evolving track that’s mostly instrumental. Instrumental tracks aren’t usually for me, so the fact that this holds my attention for nearly 6 minutes is a strong sign.

#29: “Me” (Music For Cars EP)

"Me” is The 1975 at arguably their most sad-sack. Healy’s vocals are leaden and filled with guilt. At point, he casually tosses aside, “I was thinking about killing myself, don’t you mind.”

The music is a perfect match — the rhythm is plodding and heavy in the best way, and the mournful sax solo in the bridge stays just on the right side of cheesy. It’s a genuinely affecting ballad.

#28: “Give Yourself A Try” (Brief Inquiry)

This was the first taste of A Brief Inquiry we heard. And I really disliked it at first — the clanging, messy guitars and motorik rhythm didn’t connect with me at first.

But — strangely for a lead single — "Give Yourself A Try” is a grower! Healy’s lyrics are in his sweet spot of being legitimately sincere, gloriously snarky and absolutely ridiculous at the same time. And the pounding groove burrows its way into your skull until you find it endearing. The band’s next attempt at a more RAWK single on their fourth album worked a bit better, but “Give Yourself A Try” is pretty damn great for a Joy Division ripoff.

#27: “Intro / Set3″ (Sex EP)

This was essentially The 1975′s warmup version of the multi-part electronic sweep of “How To Draw.” Yet, I like "Intro / Set3″ a tad more. It’s more direct and has a stronger hook.

#26: “If I Believe You” (I like it...)

“If I Believe You” joins the legacy of pasty British/Irish rock bands making unexpectedly strong gospel songs. Although it’s not quite on the same transcendent level as The Rolling Stones’ and U2′s attempts, it’s at least on Blur’s level.

I love how Healy took the religious genre and used it for a song that’s all about religious confusion. He vents to a god that he doesn’t really believe in, wondering if religion would solve his myriad problems. The song doesn’t arrive at a clean conclusion, but it’s still a fascinating track about doubts and why people turn to a higher power.

#25: “People” (Notes)

In a whole career of random left-turns, scream-y punk rock might be the most unexpected yet for The 1975. “People” — which directly follows an apocalyptic spoken word intro from climate activist Greta Thunberg on its album — is a piercing jolt of energy that’s impossible to ignore.

"People” is definitely a polarizing track, even for fans of the band. It’s extremely aggressive, angry, and might freak out your friend who just wanted to hear more songs like “Chocolate.” But even though I think the lyrics (although admirably ballsy!) are a bit of a mess, I love the no-holds-back rage of “People.” If you’re going to try an out-there genre experiment, dive in headfirst.

#24: “Frail State Of Mind” (Notes)

By far the best of Notes’ drum-and-bass tracks, “Frail State Of Mind” feels like an actual, fleshed-out song rather than just the band dinking around with some new rhythms. 

The skittering percussion, mournful vocal samples and melancholy lyrics help to create a gorgeous, downbeat track. It’s the audio equivalent of sitting inside on a drizzly day, listening to the rain hit the roof: sad, but also content.

#23: “TOOTIMETOOTIMETOOTIME” (Brief Inquiry)

Okay, so remember that hot minute in the mid-2010s when pop music pivoted hard into a gentrified, bland tropical house sound? Justin Bieber was the biggest offender? Well, The 1975 jumped on that bandwagon a few years later with “TOOTIME” ... yet it wound up sounding much better than any of the actual hit songs it was ripping off.

Why does The 1975′s tropical house banger actually work? First off, it embraces its non-tropical Britishness: with the chilly synths and auto-tuned vocals, it barely emulates the Caribbean outside of its rhythm. Furthermore, that rhythm is a tad faster than many of those mid-10s hits, making the song feel less like a drag and more like a traditional pop banger. But most importantly — it’s catchy as hell. Good luck getting that chorus out of your head.

#22: “Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America” feat. Phoebe Bridgers (Notes)

“Jesus Christ” is easily the biggest exception to my “The 1975 shouldn’t do acoustic ballads” rule. And that’s primarily because they brought alone one of the modern masters of that form: Phoebe Bridgers.

Healy’s quietly emotive vocals and knack for lilting melodies fit in perfectly with Bridgers’ whispered folksy musical world. And of course, it’s nice to hear another voice on a 1975 song, especially if it’s as evocative as Bridgers’. Both she and Healy sing short vignettes of tortured, non-reciprocated same-sex crushes, and it’s a prime example of the power of compact storytelling.

#21: “She’s American” (I like it...)

As I warned earlier, the top of this list is going to have a lot of The 1975′s trips into pure ‘80s synth cheese. So let’s dive right into that!

“She’s American” is just pure fun, from Healy’s cheeky lyrics poking fun at his American lover, to the swirling synths and shiny guitars. It’s like a long-lost Duran Duran banger.

#20: “You” (Sex EP)

For a rock band that loves bombast, it’s surprising that The 1975 don’t tap into the U2/Coldplay arena rock sound more often. But the couple times they tried it, they nailed the landing.

“You” is a stark departure from the nocturnal angst of much of The 1975′s other EP-era songs. It’s bright, major-key, and meant to be blasted to the cheap seats of an arena. The guitar riff is pure The Edge, and the song just keeps getting bigger and bigger, louder and louder. “You” sounds like pure euphoria by the time it reaches its climax.

#19: “UGH!” (I like it...)

We’ll file this in the “Healy vents about his drug addiction over a super-sleek pop song” folder. And like most of those songs, “UGH!” is a total winner.

The guitars and synths are so liquid and snappy that it’s hard to tell them apart (in a good way!). And Healy gloriously vamps over the ‘80s Bowie groove, pontificating about his coke habit is ruining his life. The attention to detail here is admirable — from the chic plastic production to Healy making an aside about how the song only lasts three minutes. Guess how long “UGH!” is, to the exact second?

#18: “The City” (Facedown and IV EPs, The 1975)

This song was clearly a favorite in the band’s early days: it was on two of their four EPs, and was the first non-intro track on their debut album. “The City” absolutely deserves all that love, though.

First, to be clear: the re-recorded version on the self-titled debut album is much better. The 1975 are not one of those bands that sounds better with a DIY, low-fi aesthetic — they need that studio sheen! And on the re-recorded version, the absolute best aspect of “The City” gets to shine: THOSE DRUMS. They slam against your eardrums with the force of a Mack truck, and help propel an otherwise-just-solid pop tune into a classic.

#17: “Sincerity Is Scary” (Brief Inquiry)

This is a song that probably shouldn’t work: jazzy horns, an off-kilter beat and a towering gospel choir in service of a song about how the internet has ruined the way we relate to people? It’s all a bit much. But luckily, “a bit much” is The 1975′s sweet spot.

Strangely enough, this shuffling single feels effortless and natural, despite having wordy lyrics and not sounding like any Top 40 song in recently memory. Also, it’s the band’s best music video. It’s creative and absolutely adorable.

#16: “Love Me” (I like it...)

If there’s one older band The 1975 is constantly compared to, it’s ‘80s Aussie legends INXS. It’s a bit of a strange comparison — The 1975 are shameless genre-hoppers. INXS had one (really great!) signature pop-rock sound that they stuck with for most of their big hits.

But I understand where that comparison comes from, because “Love Me” is the most dead-on INXS pastiche I’ve ever heard. It wouldn’t shock me to learn it’s a cover of a forgotten Kick B-side. The wiry guitars, bouncy rhythm, winking lyrics about fame and sex, hits of wiggly synths and horns — it’s all the elements that made a song like “New Sensation” so great. The music video even features Healy, with long curly hair, preening around shirtless like Michael Hutchence!

Look, if you’re going to shamelessly rip someone off, you might as well rip off a great band at its best moment. And The 1975 channelled peak-INXS better than anyone since 1988 (even the band itself!) with “Love Me.”

#15: “Antichrist” (Facedown EP)

“Antichrist” is probably The 1975′s most goth song. It opens with a stately organ, and Healy sings the first verse in the very lowest part of his vocal register. It’s a stark departure from any other song of theirs, which of course grabs your attention.

But the funeral dirge vibes, as cool as they are, aren’t the only factor that makes “Antichrist” a great song. The minimalist guitar solo semi-chorus is stunning, like something Interpol would’ve done. And when Healy cranks up his vocal stylings for the song’s second half, it injects a bit of energy. The punishing, near-shoegaze finale to the song is masterful as well.

Despite it being a fan favorite from their very-first EP, “Antichrist” has infamously never been played live. And honestly, I’m okay with that — this seems like a bolt of gloom-and-doom lightning that would be nearly impossible to re-create in some mid-sized arena in Des Moines.

#14: “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)” (Notes)

It’s a bit of a bummer that easily the three best songs off of Notes On A Conditional Form all easily slide into The 1975′s pop-rock comfort zone. But even if that album’s experiments fell a bit flat, it’s nice to know the band can still hit its sweet spot over and over again without getting tiring.

“If You’re Too Shy” is a perfect ‘80s synthpop banger, complete with some very-1975 lyrics about a couple meeting online and immediately objectifying each other. But the lyrics are really not the selling point of the song — it’s the taut new-wave rhythm, the twinkling synths, the ROARING sax solo, and that insanely sticky chorus (maybe the catchiest the band’s had). It’s the kind of song that could’ve played during that absurd library dance scene from Breakfast Club. It’s a timeless jam of the highest order, and impossible to resist.

#13: “I Like America & America Likes Me” (A Brief Inquiry)

As much of a big deal I make about The 1975′s experimental, don’t-give-a-fuck nature, most of my favorite songs of theirs are their more conventional pop songs. Sorry, I’m lame!

But regardless, I adore “I Like America,” a truly strange electronic freakout that encapsulates all the anxieties and fears of the world’s young people. It’s electrifying and horrifying in equal measure.

Of course, a much more famous 1975 song coming on this list does this concept a little better lyrically, and has more of an actual hook to back it up. Still, there’s something poignant about “I Like America,” particularly Healy’s unhinged performance. He spends most of the song hysterically yelling out into the void lines like “I’M SCARED OF DYING, IT’S FINE” and “WOULD YOU PLEASE LISTEN.” And the chaotic, undulating wave of vocal samples, drum machines and synths seems to get stronger with every second. 

#12: “Chocolate” (Music For Cars EP, The 1975)

Easily The 1975′s biggest hit in the U.S., “Chocolate” could’ve easily pinned the band into the bin of other just-decent Tumblr-friendly indie bands in the early ‘10s. They could’ve been the British version of The Neighbourhood (remember “Sweater Weather?”).

But just because The 1975 quickly moved away from the super-sugary pop rock of “Chocolate,” that doesn’t mean the tune is a simple trifle. I mean, okay, it is — but it’s a perfect trifle! The hook is basically the entire song, and for good reason: it’s freakishly catchy. “Chocolate” is one of those songs you’ll have stuck in your head for weeks afterward. And that bouncy groove is *chef’s kiss*. 

“Chocolate” was bound to be noticed by the world: it was too pristine to be ignored.

#11: “The Sound” (I like it...)

Am I underrating this? Maybe.

When I first heard “The Sound,” it was the first 1975 song I truly loved. The bouncy house piano, thumping four-on-the-floor beat and simple sing-along chorus drew me in like a siren call. And it still sounds fantastic four years later! 

Really, the only bad thing you could say about “The Sound” is that the band made a couple even better synthpop jams later. This was sort of a warm up, their first truly great ‘80s costume party. But even though it’s been surpassed, “The Sound” is still a delight today. At the very least, it has the band’s best-ever guitar solo.

#10: “I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)” (A Brief Inquiry)

Y’all know the classic Oasis power ballad “Champagne Supernova,” right? It’s incredibly epic, but the lyrics are infamously meaningless. What if a band wrote a similar Britpop power ballad, with an equally anthemic chorus, but actually injected a legitimate, moving theme?

That happened! The 1975 did it with “I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes),” maybe the most uplifting song about suicide ever written. Healy penned some of his most empathetic lyrics here, all about how, well, sometimes we all want to die. Always. His chorus is a moment of glorious angsty catharsis — the emo lyrics of My Chemical Romance set to the sweeping strings and towering guitars of a Coldplay single. 

This song is 100% my sweet spot, as a person with depression who loves a corny U2 ballad. It’s a shame The 1975 don’t operate in this vein more often — they’re quite good at it.

#9: “Sex” (Sex EP, The 1975)

The 1975 are barely a “rock” band in the truest sense. Yeah, they have a guitar player and a drummer and whatnot, but most of their music leans more on the pop side of things. 

But “Sex,” one of the band’s earliest hits, legitimately rocks. It’s a raging, almost pop-punk jam that proves The 1975 can make a fantastic headbanger anytime they like. The frenzied tune is pure adrenaline, which makes sense given it’s about the forbidden thrill of cheating.

During the band’s last major tour, when “Sex” was played during the encore, the massive screen simply read “ROCK AND ROLL IS DEAD” while Matty Healy violently smashed a guitar at the song’s conclusion. Ironically, he proved the opposite.

#8: “Guys” (Notes)

This one’s just too cute.

“Guys” has an incredibly clever — and admittedly quite cheesy — conceit: Healy wrote a love song, but instead of being about romance, it’s about his platonic adoration for his fellow band members. It’s funny how most of The 1975′s songs about dating tend to be bitter or depressed, while arguably their most head-over-heels tune is about how much the four titular guys love spending time and writing songs together.

Even though it was written before the COVID-19 pandemic, “Guys” still fits the moment eerily well. Healy’s vocals and the lilting melody have a bittersweet tone, and the opening refrain of “I was missing the guys” could easily be about quarantining.

“Guys” won’t be for everyone. Some might roll their eyes at its aggressive sincerity. But if it catches me in a certain mood, it really has an effect on me. It’s perhaps the greatest bromance song ever written.

#7: “Fallingforyou” (IV EP)

The best song from The 1975′s EP era, “Fallingforyou” is a gorgeous, minimalist ballad that could’ve only come from the band’s less pretentious early years.

Healy switches between a conversational mumble and an angelic falsetto on the nocturnal track, giving it an intimate feel. It’s almost like he’s right next to you in the backseat of some car at 2 a.m. The dreamy, rumbling background gives “Fallingforyou” almost a Beach House or Chromatics vibe, and it suits the band well.

The 1975 is far too extra nowadays to try another song as quiet, serene and gimmick-free as “Fallingforyou.” But at least we have the one.

#6: “Me & You Together Song” (Notes)

The 1975 already have so many songs that try to recreate the magic of mid ‘80s pop-rock. And although they could probably keep mining that sound forever, it would be nice to see them try homages to other golden eras of pop music. And “Me & You Together Song” does just that.

With this bouncy, propulsive power pop jam, The 1975 were clearly aiming for a Y2K-era adult alternative vibe. It wouldn’t be hard to see The Goo Goo Dolls or Third Eye Blind performing a song like this, with the chugging guitars, snarky-yet-romantic lyrics and endless energy.

Daniel and Healy wrote a groove and effortless melody for “Me & You” that could probably go on forever — and it almost does! The last 75 seconds or so of the single just repeat the refrain over and over, and although normally that kind of repetition drives me nuts, it feels natural for this tune.

#5: “A Change of Heart” (I like it...)

One of two all-time classic breakup songs off of The 1975′s second album, “A Change of Heart” is crushing in the most pedestrian way. It’s not anything melodramatic or exaggerated — it’s simply the story of a couple naturally drifting apart.

Healy’s lyrics are rich with details here, from pithy asides about not smoking cigarettes correctly and Instagramming salads to a rather blunt description of falling out of love: “You used to have a face straight out of a magazine/Now you just look like anyone.”

Interestingly, Daniel decided to accompany the unromantic lyrics with some of the band’s most dreamy production. It sounds like a prom scene from a John Hughes high school movie. But that dissonance works — it sets up a fantasy and then shatters it. 

#4: “It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)” (A Brief Inquiry)

You want to know why I left “The Sound” out of the top 10? Here’s why: “It’s Not Living” takes that same hyper-sleek ‘80s synthpop sound but improves upon it with a stickier hook, dark lyrics and a killer guitar riff.

Strangely for such a perky and bouncy song, “It’s Not Living” is about Healy’s struggles to get over a heroin addiction. It’s a smart lyrical trick, framing his difficulty with quitting smack as being similar to not getting over a rough breakup. And it’s downright genius to pair such a dark topic with such a fun instrumental, Passion Pit-style. “It’s Not Living” is the band’s finest pure pop song, and a success they’ll no doubt try to repeat for the rest of their career.

#3: “Robbers” (The 1975)

This is the pinnacle of The 1975′s early career young-and-dumb anthems. It turns literally robbing a bank into a sweeping, heartfelt power ballad.

Alright, alright, fine ... it’s not literally about robbing a bank; it’s a metaphor for a toxic, co-dependent relationship, according to the band. But that deeper meaning is pretty hard to pick up on when Healy’s singing about guns and screaming “NOW EVERYBODY’S DEAAAAAAD” on the bridge. Honestly, “Robbers” being a tragic Romeo and Juliet-style story sounds much more plausible.

But lyrics aside, the chugging guitars and soaring chorus hit you right in the gut. “Robbers” could be about shopping at Pottery Barn and it would still be an incredible tour-de-force of a song. But its brutal ending elevates it even further. That cruelly ironic final line, “Babe, you look so cool” — which Healy sounds like he’s singing through tears — lands like a sledgehammer every time.

#2: “Love It If We Made It” (A Brief Inquiry)

The words “generational anthem” tend to get thrown around a lot online about various tracks. But “Love It If We Made It” deserves that moniker.

I have yet to hear a song that better describes the acute stress and psychological horror of being a Millennial or Gen Zer while the world collapses around you. The ice caps are melting, police brutality is rampant, the refugee crisis is accelerating, and the world’s leaders are too corrupt and/or incompetent to do anything to fix these problems. 

Unlike many political anthems, Healy doesn’t sound angry on “Love It If We Made It.” He sounds terrified. The title itself makes the song’s theme clear: we just want to survive this mess. And we’re pretty sure that we won’t.

With 2020 being an absolutely awful year so far (oh hi, COVID!), “Love It If We Made It” unfortunately sounds just as powerful today as it did a couple years ago. Hopefully, there comes a day when this song sounds less visceral and chilling and more like a relic of the past. But that day hasn’t come yet.

#1: “Somebody Else” (I like it...)

If there is a “The 1975 sound” — which is kind of ridiculous, seeing as the band changes up their sound so much, but still — “Somebody Else” is the perfect example of it. It’s both deeply indebted to ‘80s new wave, yet wholly modern-sounding. Healy’s lyrics are laughably pretentious yet cuttingly relatable. And it packages complicated emotions into an undeniable, melancholy pop nugget.

Healy’s exploration of tangled, better emotions on “Somebody Else” about his ex — who he mistakenly thought he was over —finding a new partner is sadly a place we’ve all been. “I don’t want your body/but I hate to think about you with somebody else” — who can’t relate? 

Daniels’ nocturnal production is sleek, slippery and heartwrenching in its own right. The scattered, distorted vocal samples almost mock Healy’s emotions, and the shuffling beat adds a nice pulse to the proceedings. If you’re in the proper mood and setting, there are few better breakup songs to blast and mope around to.

"Somebody Else” one of the all-time great breakup anthems, as well as a top-tier song to drive around to at night when you’re sad. And it’s The 1975′s best-ever song.

[randomoranges]

Perfect Cities Painting

 Edward kicked the doormat back into place after he retrieved the keys and let himself in. He had tried knocking several times, but he supposed the loud jazz music coming from the open living room windows had camouflaged his knocks. He didn’t know what he expected to find on the other side of the door, but what he found surprised him.

 Étienne was in the middle of his living room, in front of what looked like an easel and a rather large canvas. Both were placed on top of a stained drop cloth and Étienne stood in front of this, wearing a sleeveless shirt and a pair of sweatpants that were equally stained.

Edward stopped, his breath momentarily taken away by the sight before him. For starters, he had no idea that Étienne painted. His friend had never mentioned it and he had never even seen a painting in the apartment.

 But it wasn’t just his friend’s unknown hobby. It was the way he looked. Étienne, bathed in golden sunlight, his mass of curls tied up in a lose ponytail, the light bringing out the natural highlights of his hair. He watched, mesmerised, as Étienne made broad strokes on the canvas, a look of complete peace and concentration on his face.

 From his angle, Edward could see only one side of Étienne and he observed the muscles of his friend’s left arm at work, the Stanley Cup tattoo that covered most of his upper arm seeming lighter in the afternoon sun.

 If he needed a word to describe the scene, it would have been beautiful.

 Étienne stepped away from his easel to mix more paint and finally noticed his guest. He smiled at Edward and walked over to his radio to lower the volume.

 “Hey! Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in! How are you?” Étienne hugged him tightly and kissed him on both cheeks, as he would have an old friend. “Were you supposed to be in town and I forgot, or?” A flash of worry appeared on his face and Edward was quick to dismiss it, reassuring him that this was a rather impulsive and unplanned visit, courtesy of work.

 “You paint.” Edward blurted out as a way of greeting.

 “Yeah, I do. Come in, make yourself comfortable.”

 Étienne took his hand and dragged him to his painting. Edward felt his heart beat a little faster. He looked down at where Étienne’s stained fingers closed around his own and tried to figure out what it was that felt different about his friend.

 “I didn’t know. I’ve never seen you paint before. You never mentioned it.”

 Maybe this was a recent hobby, he figured, but judging by the amounts of tools and material that were set up around the easel, he wasn’t so sure.

 “Oh, yeah. I used to paint a lot more before. Well – I’ve always dabbled, but I picked it up a few decades ago.” Étienne picked up his paintbrush and resumed his piece as if this wasn’t a bombshell and as if Edward didn’t know any better when Étienne said he “dabbled” in something.

 “Really?”

 “Yeah. I was part of this community and we used to paint.”

 “But what about your pieces? I’ve never seen them.”

 Étienne paused and then shrugged. “Oh, we had our own space. I left my stuff there. Then, I either reused the canvases, gave them away, I think I may have sold a few – don’t ask me why, and I might have some in a box in my closet, or something.” He stepped back from his painting, frowned, and then changed paintbrush. “It’s a hobby really. Nothing more. I find it relaxing. I’m not doing this to sell paintings.”

 “You – you have some here?” Edward asked, curious to see some.

 “Yeah, you can look at them if you want.”He sounded so casual and nonchalant that Edward was having difficulty wrapping his head around any of this.

 “Yeah?” Edward would have thought for sure that they were some secret thing, and instead was pleasantly surprised that Étienne wanted to share, even if it seemed rather – sudden and far too easy.

 “Go ahead.”

 Étienne pointed to the entrance closet with the end of his paintbrush and Edward moved towards it. He rummaged through it, knowing Étienne kept odd things in the back of it and he was surprised when he found the box of canvases. He thought the box would have been harder to find and retrospectively, he wondered why he had never stumbled upon it earlier. He pulled it out from the depths of the closet, through the coats, shoes, and other boxes, and then went to the couch to look through it attentively.

 Étienne spared him a glance over his painting and smiled encouragingly.

 Edward was stunned to see the various different sizes of paintings, ranging from tiny to big. There were also sheets of paper with sketches hastily stacked in and a multitude of sketchbooks, piled at the bottom of the box. It didn’t seem as though Étienne cared about preserving his work and Edward wondered why. Edward took out one of the smaller paintings and studied it. It was... he wasn’t sure what was going on in the painting, to be honest, but it was captivating.

 There was an eclectic mix of bold colours placed in such a way that nothing was recognisable. No figures or shapes were distinctive. Yet, the lines were vivid and strong shapes danced before his eyes, giving him the energy of the piece.

 He put it aside and looked at the next piece. It also seemed to be abstract, with bold blue lines juxtaposed with semi-transparent red ones, which went in many directions.

 The same was true for the next several pieces and the sketchbooks held various human like figures that were grotesque in appearance. Yet, despite that, Edward was amazed. Each piece had a strong sense of vibrant energy, from the angry, thick brush strokes, to the juxtaposition of colours and shapes. He didn’t know what they meant, but he could tell that there had been thought placed in the way the colours had been applied to the white canvas.

 “These are great.” He finally said; quiet, as if coming out from a trance. He felt a connection to the pieces, as if part of Étienne was hidden in them, left there for him to find and understand, but the moment his mind started to wrap itself around the message, it was gone, teasing him to look in the next one.

 Étienne laughed. “You don’t have to sugar coat it. I know it’s not everyone’s style.”

 “No, really, I like them. They’re bold.”

 “Well, thanks.” Étienne hid back behind his canvas, focusing on his painting and Edward couldn’t see the emotion hiding on Étienne’s face.

 Edward frowned and changed places so that he could look at Étienne to get a better read on him. He tried to figure out what it was that was different about him on this particular visit.

 Étienne continued to paint, moving about his work, while the jazz music continued playing in the background. Edward felt drawn towards Étienne and the calm energy he seemed to be giving off. He could sit there and watch the other man paint for hours.

 He watched as Étienne knit his brow in concentration and stuck out his tongue. All he wanted to do was get up and kiss him, let Étienne explore his body with those stained hands and wild eyes. He looked back to his face, to his wide green eyes and finally knew what it was that was different about him.

 “You’re happy.” He murmured voice thick with awe and want. He rose from his seat and went to stand next to Étienne, arms itching to wrap around him, hold him close and feel him pressed to his chest.

 His friend looked away from the smeared canvas and gave him a quizzical look. “I guess? I mean, painting makes me happy.”

 “It looks good on you.” He admitted. The openness in his eyes, the carefree attitude with which he moved; it was as if Étienne’s guard was down and Edward could glimpse a part of him that was often hidden and closed off to all. He needed to taste and see this side of him that he seldom saw. Needed to feel it to make sure it was real and that he hadn’t dreamt any of it.

 Edward stepped behind Étienne and leaned his chin on the other’s shoulder, feeling him move as he continued to work. His friend laughed and leant back into him, letting himself be held.

 “I could paint you next, if you want.” Étienne suggested, a smirk playing on his lips, and how Edward wanted nothing more but to turn him around and let him do that and more.

 “Are you implying something by that?” He asked, his voice low, breath ghosting on Étienne’s neck. He was no stranger to Étienne’s games and he knew that the best thing to do was to follow along – he could always get something out of it as well.

 “Only if you want me to.”

 “Good. Then why don’t you finish up over there and then you can redirect your attention to me. ”

 He nipped at Étienne’s neck, passing his hands under his shirt, feeling warm skin. Étienne stilled and then relaxed under the familiar touch, shivering slightly at the contact, but he couldn’t say he minded. Edward gave a content sigh, feeling at ease with Étienne there in his arms, the way he sometimes wished it could always be.

 “Give me a moment and I’m all yours.”

 --

 Edward rolled over on the drop cloth and pulled Étienne’s body to him. He pressed a kiss to the nape of Étienne’s neck, his hand caressing down the length of the rose and lily ivy tattoo on his body, before resting on his hip. Étienne turned to face him and he was blown away by the strong look of joy on his face. For a moment, Edward thought he read something else in those green eyes he had come to like – more than he could have ever thought he would – but then Étienne drew him close and kissed him, his eyes fluttering shut. Edward forgot about it and instead focused on Étienne, here in his arms, his body warm and welcoming.

 FIN 27

 Started writing: February 19th 2017, 11:23pm

Finished writing: February 20th 2017, 5:50pm

Started typing: April 16th 2017, 1:05pm

Finished typing: April 16th 2017, 2:04pm

#pc: montreal #pc: edmonton #Edward Murphy #étienne maisonneuve #fic #projocanondoko #perfect cities

[fandammit]

With sorrows to impart (10/?)

[A/N: Alright, I split this chapter because it was getting crazy long. Even just this chapter is close to 5K words. Fair warning: lots of angst ahead! Thanks to @actuallylorelaigilmore for her lovely beta work!]

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 || Part 5 || Part 6 || Part 7 || Part 8 || Part 9

They slowly make their way to where the chairs are set up. She isn’t really paying attention to where they’re going, just follows Schneider’s lead as she studies the crowd of people around them. It’s an eclectic mix of people -- anywhere from young hipsters in their early 20s to middle-aged men who look like they would be cast in heartburn commercial, to old, wealthy white women in gaudy jewelry.

She finds herself so interested in the groups of people slowly making their way to the seating that she doesn’t even notice that Schneider’s standing stock still in the middle of the lawn until she nearly trips and falls because she’s kept moving when he hasn’t. It’s only the firm grasp he has on her hand that keeps her from doing so, and it occurs to her that he has a surprising amount of strength given the leanness of his frame.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, glancing down at her before looking back up at something a few feet away from them.

She follows his gaze to a large portrait of who she assumes is his mother, propped up on a stand just before the very back row of chairs.

The crowd of people is bunching up into something resembling a line to file into the divided section of chairs, a group of ushers handing out programs and gesturing to open seats.

“Hey,” she murmurs, squeezing his hand and leaning close to him. “We can go around the side and just find a seat ourselves if you want. We don’t need a program.”

He glances over to the far side of the chairs and bites his lip before shaking his head.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s just -- .” He clears his throat. “I got caught off guard, but it’s fine. I’m fine.”

He takes a deep breath and visibly steels himself before looking down at her and nodding, gently tugging her forward as he files in behind the clump of people in front of them.

The line is moving slowly enough, and they’re at an angle where she can study the portrait of his mom.

She doesn’t know when the photo was taken because his mom has that same preternatural agelessness that both Schneider and Emily have, so she might be anywhere from her mid 40s to early 60s in the photo. Either way, she is stunningly beautiful -- with flawless skin and bright green eyes, all offset by long waves of deep red hair.

But what comes across the most -- even just in that photograph -- is how genuinely likable she looks. Charismatic, even, like some 50’s era movie star or effervescent, which is a word she’s only recently learned from helping Elena study for the SATs but seems the best way to describe the photo in front of her.

It makes her so angry.

Because while it may just be a photo, it’s that coupled with the amount of people here today and the fact that every single one of them looks genuinely upset that makes it so obvious that his mother was not just likable but well-liked. Loved, even, given the amount of people who start crying the minute they see her picture.

And it's the complete opposite of what she thought she'd find, given that what she mostly knows about the woman is that she'd only ever reached out to her son once a year, every year since he was 12.

It was easier to stomach when she cast his mother as some distant, unknowable woman who kept everyone at arm's length. But a quick glance around at the very real sadness on the faces of those around her proves to her that isn't true.

As they walk over to two empty seats towards the back of the setup, she thinks: how could a woman this magnetic and this loved and this missed have missed out on her own son’s life for the last 30 years?

A man in his 60’s steps up to the front and begins welcoming them all and she glances over at Schneider to see if he recognizes him at all, but his face just registers an empty blankness that’s weird and disconcerting. She bites her lip and looks around to the bereft expressions on the faces of everyone around her. She tries to pay attention to whatever it is the next man at the front is saying, but all she can hear, over and over again in her mind, is Schneider’s small, quiet voice asking --

Why didn’t she love me?

She wishes there was an easy answer to it. She’d hoped that coming here would provide her with one, had figured that Schneider’s mother was unlovable and therefore had little love to dole out to the one person who needed it and deserved it the most.

But it isn’t that at all.

She looks down at the program for the first time since it was handed to her and is surprised at how short the entire thing is. Given the amount of people here today, she’d figured there’d be a couple of slots reserved for people standing up and talking about her. But there’s only one speaker listed -- Emily -- and only the very bare minimum of elements on the program -- a welcome, a prayer, a reading, a eulogy.

In fact, by the time she looks up from the program, the reading is already over, and it’s Emily who’s slowly climbing out of her chair and making her way up to the front.

Penelope sits up straight and looks over at Schneider, the expression on his face at least no longer that measured sort of blankness but instead a mixture of heartache and fondness.

She squeezes his hand and shifts over closer to him, turning her head slightly to drop a soft kiss onto his shoulder before looking back up at the podium. Schneider squeezes her hand in return; then, after a moment’s hesitation, lifts their hands and kisses the back of hers before resting their intertwined hands on his thigh.

Emily looks out into the crowd and takes a quick, sharp breath before she begins speaking.

”I know there are a lot of people out there who could help talk about my sister -- what she did for you, how she touched your life, what she meant to you. But one of her last wishes was that this all be as short as possible -- and when your dying younger sister asks something of you, it's basically impossible to say no.”

Emily’s voice shakes at the end, and she takes a deep breath before continuing on.

“And you know, Dana didn't even want to have a funeral at all. She told me that she didn't want people to stand up here and make up a bunch of ridiculous things about her just because she'd died.”

She looks up at the audience, a smile ghosting across her lips.

“I told her that they wouldn't have to make up any ridiculous things -- there were plenty of ridiculous things about her that were true.”

Laughter runs through the crowd, and Emily lets a small smile form at the edges of her mouth.

“I'm pretty sure saying that is the reason she let me be the one person to say something here today.

Whatever you say, she told me, I want it to be honest.”

Emily looks down at the paper in her hands and licks her lips before continuing.  

“So, I'm up here today to be honest with all of you about Dana Walsh, in a way that only sisters can be. Those of you -- anyone here who has a sister knows what I mean.”

She takes another deep breath before she starts speaking.

“I looked it up the other day and I found out that Dana means bold in Irish. I don't think my parents did that on purpose, but I have to say that it turned out to be a pretty prophetic name because my sister was bold. She would say and do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted and no one could convince her otherwise. She wasn't afraid of trying new things, she wasn't afraid of failure, she wasn't afraid of what people thought of her. She was bold to the point of fearlessness, and because of that, she did and saw and accomplished so much in her life.”

A wistful smile crosses her features.  

“And because she wasn't afraid to fail and because she never second-guessed herself, my sister approached everything in her life with a level of enthusiasm that was inspiring, even if it did get exhausting at times. It was always all or nothing with Dana -- if she was getting a chocolate cake, it would be the best chocolate cake; if she was throwing you a birthday party, it was going to be the birthday party you'd never forget. If she was curating an exhibit, it would win award after award after award.”

Emily looks across the crowd, and for the first time her smile is neither small nor measured -- just wide and bright with love and memory.  

“She had this ability to celebrate -- really celebrate -- any and everything. It could be your first child or your first kiss; it could be your fifth child or fifteenth kiss. It could be the fact that the sun was shining when the news had said it was going to be cloudy. If there was something to celebrate, Dana was ready to celebrate with you. And her ability to celebrate made you -- made all of us -- feel like no matter what, life was pretty damn good.”   

Her smile dims as she sighs.

“But these things about her that made her so much fun, that made her such a vibrant person - they were also the things that could sometimes make it difficult to be her friend, her coworker, her sister…her son.”

She flicks her eyes up and meets Schneider’s, and even from where they’re sitting, Penelope can see the sorrow and apology in them.

“My sister's fearlessness also made her the most stubborn person in this universe -- and maybe in the next couple of universes over as well. Once she made a decision, no one -- pretty sure not even God himself -- could get her to change it. It used to drive me absolutely crazy -- how you couldn’t get her to make a decision if she didn’t want to make it at that exact moment or change course if things needed to change.”

She shakes her head.  

“And my sister…”

Her voice falters for a moment and she has to swallow thickly a few times before she continues.

“That enthusiasm that she approached all the great thing things in her life, that had the ability to make you feel like the world was a fantastic place to be in at any given time...well, that had a downside, too. A tremendous one.”

She takes a deep, shuddering breath in as if steeling herself before she looks back up.

“Many of you know this, but some of you don't.”

Emily holds up her hand, a small object in between her thumb and forefinger that reflects the light of the noonday sun. Penelope’s not quite sure what it is at first, but then she feels Schneider stiffen next to her, hears him draw in a sharp breath, and immediately recognizes what Emily is holding.

It's the exact same thing Schneider is currently spinning in his own hand: an AA chip.

“Dana struggled with addiction her entire adult life. That same enthusiasm that made it so fun to be around her became the thing that dragged her into her addictions. That boldness that made her so successful was the same thing that kept her from admitting it, that kept her from getting the help that she needed for so long.”

She bites her lip and looks out, unseeing into the crowd.

“Addiction took her away from so many people. It kept her from being the best version of herself -- the best daughter, sister, mother, friend -- that we all knew she could be.” She takes a deep breath and let’s the sentence trail off for a long moment while she finds Schneider in the crowd once more. Penelope looks over at him, her heart breaking at the absolutely stricken expression on his face. She can almost see him steadily traveling over all the memories in his mind, looking at them in a new light. She glances back up at Emily, sees that same look of sorrow and apology from before. Emily meets her eye and bites her lip before taking a deep breath and looking back down at her notes. “But, uh, ten years ago, Dana took all that stubbornness and fearlessness and enthusiasm, and she funneled it into her recovery instead. And because of that, I’ve since had one more thing to admire my sister for -- her strength.” She finally looks back up.

“The strength to keep pushing on, moment after moment, day after day no matter how awful you feel or how hard it seems. The strength to always try and become better than you were before. The strength…” She blows out a harsh breath and shakes her head before going on. “The strength to recognize all the mistakes you’ve made, all the wrong choices, all the paths you wish you had taken and own them instead of making excuses for them.”

She holds up the chip again.

“Dana picked up her ten year chip three months before she died. She kept it beside her all throughout her hospital stay, kept it in her hand all throughout hospice. And the night she died, she gave it to me.” She bites her lip and looks over at it. “I’ve kept it in my hand almost constantly since she died because it reminds me so much of her -- her addiction, her stubborn refusal to recognize it for so long...but also her dedication, her enthusiasm, her strength going into recovery.”

She takes a deep breath and looks out across the crowd.

“And I know that that’s how Dana would want us to remember her -- to appreciate all the best parts, to acknowledge all the worst. To know that, above all, she loved us -- imperfectly and flawed as she was -- with all the strength and enthusiasm that she exhibited in all other parts of her life.”

She gives one last, tremulous smile before she takes a deep breath and steps down from the audience, her eyes connecting with Schneider’s every step of the way until she turns back around and sits down.

There isn’t much left of the funeral after that -- a few more closing remarks from the same guy that gave the welcome as well as a quick explanation of where the wake is being held.

She doesn’t hear much of it though -- she’s more preoccupied with worriedly looking over at Schneider while also pretending that she isn’t doing that at all. She doesn’t think she needs to  be as covert as she’s trying to be about it, given that the expression on Schneider’s face is currently cycling through blankness and bewilderment and bleakness, his eyes looking off in the distance, likely marching through some parade of unseen memories that he probably feels like he can’t even really trust any more.

And the thing is, he probably can’t. Or at least, they’ll tell a story he never could’ve known to look for before.

Because while she’s isn’t sure what exactly it changes for her in thinking about his mother, she knows that it changes something. It doesn’t completely excuse the last 30 years -- and the last 10 years in particular are still subject to that same level of scrutiny as before -- but she can’t help the way that it shifts her thinking. Forces her to reframe it all, to see his mother’s absence as deliberate restraint rather than an acute sort of carelessness.

She still has a laundry list of questions that are simmering at the top of her mind, but the tenor of them has changed now -- if not conciliatory, then at least less accusatory.

And if that’s how she’s feeling -- she, who had no real knowledge of this woman until four days ago, who knows nothing real about her other than secondhand stories from a man who only ever knew her as a child -- then she can’t even begin to imagine the thoughts running through Schneider’s mind.

She’s shaken out of her introspective spiral when everyone starts standing up around them. Schneider doesn’t move, just stays seated with an empty, faraway look on his face.

She gets up slowly and squeezes his hand, sees him blink slowly then shake his head, like he’s waking up from a long, deep sleep. He looks up at her, the blankness on his face gone, replaced by a mixture of sorrow and confusion muddying the blueness of his eyes.

“You didn't know.”

She doesn't phrase it like a question, but he nods in answer to it anyway.

“No idea.” He looks down at the seven year chip in his own hand. “But I'm thinking about it now and so many of the memories I have with her -- especially after the divorce...and it just makes sense.” He shakes his head, draws in a shaky breath. “I feel kinda dumb that I never really thought about it before.”

“Don't, Schneider. It seems like she probably tried to hide it from you.”

“She did,” a voice says from behind him, and they both turn to find Emily standing there, her fingers running over the edges of his mother's chip.

“Why?” And Penelope doesn’t think she’s imagining the hurt and betrayal in his voice, the unspoken question of -- why did you?

Emily answers it anyway, as though he’d said it aloud rather than just let it linger at the edges of his gaze.  

“She wanted to be the one to tell you. She kept…” Emily sighs. “She said she’d tell you, and I thought she should be the one to do it. But --.”

“She never did. Why? I -- .” He swallows thickly and shakes his head. “It would’ve helped -- not just because it would’ve explained a lot from when I was young but --.” He looks down at the chip in his hand. “It would’ve helped to know that she’d gone through it, too. That recovery wasn’t something that I was doing alone.” He pockets the chip and looks up at Emily, and for the first time this entire trip, he actually looks upset instead of sad. Almost angry, even. “I shouldn’t have had to do it alone.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am that we did that to you.” She hesitates, then sits down next to him. “Your mother and I -- we both… we made a lot of wrong choices...when it came to one another, when it came to you. And I’m so, so incredibly sorry.”

“Why did it have to be a secret at all? Basically everyone here knew.” He scrubs his hand across his beard. “How is it fair that I'm the last to know everything about my own mother? How is it fair that everyone here seems to have a better relationship with her than I did? How is any of this fair?”

Emily pulls her lips between her teeth and nods -- slowly, sadly, helplessly.

“It wasn’t fair. Isn’t fair. Not at all. Not in any way. But...it’s --.” She sighs again. “Alex mango dear, I’m just not the best person to explain it to you. And truthfully, even if I were, I can’t.”

“Then who can?”

She stares at him and takes a deep breath.

“Your father.”

Schneider blinks rapidly, obviously caught off-balance by the reply. Penelope is too, truthfully. As far as she knows, Schneider’s father had very little do with his mother once the divorce was final. What insight he could possibly offer on a woman he barely cared about, if at all, seems limited.

Schneider shakes his head.

“He’s the last person I’d even want to ask.” He steps closer to Emily, his expression pleading and lost. “Can’t you explain it to me please?”

Emily shakes her head, the movement hesitating, tinged with melancholy.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

She sighs heavily, gives a small, helpless shrug.

“It’s complicated, mango.”

“Can you at least try, Auntie Em? Please.”

She stares at him, her eyes wide with sadness, lined with regret and shame. She opens and shuts her mouth once, twice, three times before she simply shakes her head and sighs.

“It’s not --.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s just -- complicated. ”

Schneider drops his head and lets go of Penelope’s hand, runs his fingers through his hair a few times before he shakes his head angrily and stands up.

“What does all that even mean? What exactly could be complicated about this?”

Emily just stares up at him, that same conflicted sort of sorrow and regret in her eyes.

Schneider sighs sharply and turns away from her, running his hands roughly over his beard as he shakes his head.

“I don’t understand -- .”

He stops suddenly and grabs his phone from his pocket, his brows furrowing when he looks at the name on the screen.

“It’s father,” he says, glancing up at Emily, her expression suddenly a mix of relief and regret.

“Answer it,” she says quietly, the order somehow gentle despite the firmness underlying it.

Schneider clicks the screen and brings the phone to his ear, the movement jerky -- as though his arm is trying to fight him on it.

“Hello, father.”

His voice holds none of the emotion from before -- no sadness or anger or pleading. In fact, it holds hardly any emotion at all, is flat almost to the point of monotone, stripped of any markers of the man she normally sees and hears.

It’s completely unnerving.

And while she can’t hear the other side of the conversation, Schneider’s responses and expressions are enough so that she can fill in.

(Are you at your mother’s funeral?)

“Yes, it just finished.” He nods. “Yes, I’m here with Aunt Emily.”

(I need you to come to the house. We need to talk.)

Schneider squints, a look of confusion in his eyes.

“Come to the house? To talk about what? I thought you were away on business until Wednesday.”

(Clearly I’m not.)

Schneider bites his lip and shakes his head.

“There’s mom’s wake.” And even though his face falls into lines of sadness, his voice still maintains that same empty tone.

Penelope isn’t standing all that closely to Schneider, but even she hears the noise his father makes at that -- a cross between a laugh and a scoff. Then, a pained look crosses his face.

“No, father,” he says quietly, emotion creeping into his words for the first time. “You’re right. I guess I’m not really in a place right now to drink to mom’s memory or reminisce about all the great times I had with her.”

And, yes, that’s true, but the way Schneider says it -- heartbroken and lonely, like he’s just remembered all over again what he had and what he’s lost and what he never knew -- makes her want to hit something. Preferably someone. Specifically Schneider’s father.

(See you soon.)

“Do you need to speak with me so soon? Can this wait a bit?”

She doesn’t know if his father actually says no, or just hangs up as a response. Either way, Schneider just stares blankly at his phone for a long moment before sitting down and glancing back up at Emily.

“I’m guessing whatever it is that’s complicated is about to get very uncomplicated in the worst possible way.”

“With this --.” She lets out a long, slow breath. “With this situation, there really is no good way to uncomplicate it. I wish that weren’t true, but it is.”

“But there is a better way than to hear it from my father. Whatever it is -- whatever any of this is -- I know that has to be true.” He shakes his head. “Why does it have to be him?”

“Because that’s who your father is, my darling mango.” She stands up and slowly, carefully -- in a way that he at any point could step back or turn away from her -- cups his face in her hands. He doesn’t turn away or shake her off, and Penelope’s glad for it. Whatever is behind the complicated nature of this entire mess, she has a strong feeling that Emily was only ever a bystander caught in the crossfire, a survivor left to pick up the pieces.   

And while she doesn’t know exactly how he was involved or what he did, she’s pretty sure that she’ll be able to lump a healthy dose of the blame on Schneider’s father.

Well, she hopes she’ll be able to at least. Nothing she’s heard -- either first or secondhand -- endears the man to her at all.

Emily leans forward, Schneider’s face still in her hands, and softly kisses him on the forehead.

“I’m sorry, Alex mango. I’m sorry for the secrets and the pain. I’m sorry you had to go through any of this.” She chews on the corner of her lip. “And I’m sorry I can’t be the one to uncomplicate this for you.”

He gives her a long look.

“But you would if you could?”

She nods.

“Absolutely.”

“But you can’t?”  

She shakes her head.

“I cannot.”

He sucks on his teeth, then takes a deep breath.

“Can you answer something else for me, then?”

She brushes her hands down his cheeks, then clasps her hands in front of her.

“Of course.”

“Did mom...did she…” He clears his throat and scrubs his hand across his beard. He looks towards the ground for a moment before lifting his eyes back up to study Emily’s face. “Did she love me?”

“Of course she did,” Emily says immediately, firmly, without a trace of hesitation in her voice. She leans down and wraps both of Schneider’s hands in hers. “Darling, she loved you so much.” She takes a deep breath and squeezes his hand hard before letting go. “Your mom didn’t always know how… She trails off and shakes her head. “Your mom didn’t make all the right choices when it came to showing you that she loved you. I think...I think it’s fair to say that she didn’t even make many right choices, but -- .” She reaches out and rests her palm on his cheek. “Please believe me when I say that she did love you -- incredibly and with her whole heart.” She stares at Schneider for a long, silent moment, her eyes never leaving his. Finally, he nods slowly.

“I believe you.”

Emily takes a deep breath and gives him a small, weary smile before she nods and backs away.

“Just…” She sighs. “Just try to remember that when you talk to your father, mango.”

They don’t say anything for almost the entire walk back to the car. She’s not even sure where to begin or what to say, and it seems as if Schneider is barely even present in that moment. There are more than a few times where it’s lucky he’s holding her hand otherwise she’s sure he would’ve wandered off in the completely wrong direction.

They’re a few feet away from the car, Silis waiting dutifully by the door to open it for them, when Schneider slows down and gently tugs on her hand to stop.

“Do you want Silis to drop you off before going to my father’s?” He gives a humorless chuckle. “I know you didn’t exactly sign up for a father-son reunion.”

She steps in front of him and studies his expression.

“Do you want to go alone?”

“Well, it isn’t fair to ask you to come to whatever this talk with my father is going to be.” He shrugs and looks away. “And, spoiler alert, but no matter what it’s basically guaranteed to be tense and weird and awkward.”

She links her other hand with his, squeezes both and waits for him to look back at her.

“You didn’t answer my question though. Do you want to go alone?”  

A long, quiet moment settles between them, Schneider staring intently at her, studying the expression on her face. Then, he shakes his head.

“No,” he says quietly. “I’d like...I want you there with me.” He bites his lip, suddenly uncertain. “If that’s ok?”

She nods decisively.

“That’s why I asked.” She smiles up at him. “I want to be there with you and for you when you hear about this whole complicated mess, but I didn’t want to force it.”

He shakes his head.

“Penelope, I al…” He stops abruptly and swallows thickly, looking away from a moment before clearing his throat. “Thank you for coming with me. For wanting to. For just -- being awesome and being with me.”  

Abruptly, her brain supplies her with always, a word that’s as unnecessary as it is out of place.

So instead she just smiles and says you’re welcome, then tugs him towards the car. Tries not to think of how honest and right the word always feels to her.

#alvareider #penelope x schneider #one day at a time #odaat #my fic: alvareider

[shemakesmusic-uk]

This segment features artists who have submitted their tracks/videos to She Makes Music. If you would like to be featured here then please send an e-mail to [email protected]. We look forward to hearing from you!

Jessie Lee

Jessie Lee is a Canadian based singer-songwriter who’s all about reflections, revelations and romance. Her light, but expressive, vocals comprised of catchy melodies make for easy listening. Although it’s been three years since the release of her solo EP, First Love, she has kept busy songwriting and working with exceptional artists, producers and writers. Her latest single, ‘Body Sings’, is a collaboration with producer, Daniel Espina, and an exciting expression of getting lost in the benefits of true love and real connection. The combination of electro/indie bedroom pop vibes, mixed with Jessie’s angelic vocals, will have you floating and feeling inspired. "When listening to my new single, ‘Body Sings,’ I hope that you imagine yourself dancing with the person you love, which for me is my fiance,” says Jessie. “I think about that butterfly feeling you get when the energy is exciting and free. ‘Body Sings’ started off with a groovy bass line from producer Daniel Espina, one of those songs that just flowed because it felt so right! Colourful, and light, it’s meant to emit love and encourage the vibrations we give off in that pure state of love embracing a real connection. Whether that be with someone else or just yourself, I think we all could use a little bit of high vibes right now!" Listen below.

Jessie Lee Faiazza · Body Sings

Jandry Palms

Jandry Palms is the solo music project of Madrid, Spain born artist Alejandra López de la Osa. After several years of composing music alone in her room, especially as a tool for channeling her emotions, in April 2020 when the world went on a lockdown, Alejandra found the courage to contact multi-instrumentalist Manuel Cabezali to get her music produced. The outcome was five songs between dream pop and psychedelic pop with a common thread: love, in all it's different variations. Each song presents a different love phase or situation. After the release of 'Meant to Be' and 'Tonight (I'll Be the One)', Jandry Palm's third single 'Thinking of You' has arrived. With this danceable tune, full of psychedelia, Jandry Palms shows her love for Australian band Tame Impala and others from the genre, like LA band Sports. The story behind this new song is a reflection of a love phase she was in. The mystery of not knowing her lover's true feelings for her and the need to understand if it was mutual or stopping herself if it was just a game. Listen below.

Leahy

Leahy is a Canadian powerhouse of musical siblings who have been playing together their entire lives. Their brand new album, Good Water, reminds us that we are all connected by a need and desire for those things that give and sustain life, like water. ‘Tears’ is a song about the highs and lows of life that teach us about who we are. So often tears are only associated with sorrow, suffering or pain but there are equally powerful tears of joy, love, healing, freedom… In this song tears are not only the real physical expression of emotion – "getting it out," but also a marker of an ongoing process that leads to learning, growing, understanding, empathy, awareness, forgiveness… Leahy draw from a variety of musical styles and influences. Produced by Grammy-award winner David Bottrill, they were open to all possibilities when it came to treating and arranging the music. Good Water expresses the many shades of being human. Their lyrics touch on everything from love, growth, and change to sight, pain, hope, redemption and relationship. Even though life is sometimes messy and difficult, we have to hold on to hope. Listen to ‘Tears’ below.

Leahy · Tears

Lybrah

Swedish independent artist Lybrah is finally releasing her long awaited debut single ‘Female NRG’. Since early childhood, Madeleine Svaneberg Li aka Lybrah has lived and breathed music. She wrote her first song at 5 years of age and has stayed productive since then, writing and producing over hundred songs so far. As a true DIY artist she writes, produces and records all of her songs in her own home, and now we are finally getting to take part of the end-result. ‘Female NRG’ is an electronic R&B track with an ambient flavour, mastered by David Pietras, and the odds are high that the sound will leave you speechless with her angelic-like soprano voice together with the punchy and expressive beat. Listen below.

Slowe

Bristol-based producer and songwriter Slowe creates soul-warming, home-cooked music, blending neo-soul influenced production with introspective lyrics and velvet vocals. Slowe has spent the last few years in self-imposed musical hibernation, developing, learning and writing and is currently working on releasing her self-produced album. Her latest single ‘WYLTK’ is about the unspoken thoughts we have, the ones we sometimes wish we’d say, and the things we don’t say to keep from stirring up confrontation. Listen below.

LiLL

Behind LiLL you´ll find the songwriter and producer Tuva-Lill Elwerdotter who was born and raised in the south of Sweden, now based in Stockholm. She has a background in folk and world music and a master's in music production. LiLL released their first single in 2018 and have since worked with their own music and with other artists such as Bozett, and El.SY. She draws her musical inspiration from musicians such as Susanne Sundfør, Grimes and Banks, but also Selena Gomez and Cardi B. LiLL create a magnificent pop sound where analog synthesizers meet heavy beats mixed with a little Swedish melancholy. LiLL had this to say about her latest single ‘My Only Heart’: “I had to write this song, it poured out of me. I was going through a tough period in my life at the time. I got dumped för the second time in 3 months and had recently moved to a new city. I felt quite heartbroken and alone in the world. And at that time, this song saved me. The work allowed me to express my difficult emotions and shift focus. It's a healing and powerful process, to be able to create your emotions with sound and get an outer perspective.” Listen below.

LiLL · MY ONLY HEART

Jada Naidu

Jada Naidu is a South London singer-songwriter. She tends to write very personal and open lyrics in the hope that her listeners too connect to her music. Growing up her musical inspirations included the soulful performances of Adele and Amy Winehouse, alongside the more pop and punchy works of Ariana Grande and Rihanna. She is also inspired as a songwriter by the lyricism of Taylor Swift. The songwriting process of her latest single ‘in your eyes’ was inspired by personal troubles that her friends were experiencing at the time. “I found that my friends were experiencing such intense emotions, however they were struggling to come to terms with this or even find the words to explain how they were feeling in that moment,” explains Jada. “I think this alternate perspective allowed me to write the song quickly, as I was able to evoke emotions in my lyrics without over complicating the narrative. It also helped create comfort for my friends, as they began to come to terms with their situation. At first I was hesitant to release the song, through my own lack of experience in the songs narrative, however I felt it was important to release the song in the chance that someone listening to it felt comfort or understood in the topics of the song, being heartache and feeling misunderstood in a relationship.” Listen below.

Jada · in your eyes

Carolina East

A creation of the maritime elements, Carolina East is a vibrant, bold, songstress from Newfoundland and Labrador. Proudly wearing an eclectic tapestry of musical influences, from soul to country, to pop. Her brand new single, ‘Until You Are Sorry,’ is about a relationship that didn't end well, and the frustration which stemmed from that. “There was a lot of gift-giving and apologizing, but no personable attempt at solving the problem; just band-aid solutions. Problem-solving deserves time and effort, not quick fixes or grand gestures,” says Carolina. "’Until You Are Sorry’ is the second song I wrote and recorded with Rob Wells. The atmosphere was very comfortable, despite the vocals being recorded in a closet! When writing about a personal and difficult time, you have to put yourself back into that frame of mind, which can be a challenge. Every time you perform, you have to tap into those same negative emotions to give the most genuine performance,” she continues. Listen below.

Carolina East · Until You Are Sorry

Faye Fantarrow

Faye Fantarrow is an 18 year old singer-songwriter from Sunderland with an acoustic/indie pop sound. Her new single ‘Boom’ is her second release. "I wrote ‘Boom’ in the first lockdown when quite frankly everything was falling apart,” explains Faye. “It felt like the world was on it’s knees, in a time when we should have all been most unified in facing a pandemic, the globe was polarised. Every day I was turning on the tv to see injustice after injustice after injustice; from socio-economic to racial. I found -probably like most people- that I started to resent the world and I developed this hatred for the outside because I felt like nothing good could come from it. It took a couple days of moping about for me to give myself a shake and think “for christ sake if you’re this upset do something then”. I wanted to feel like I wasn’t completely helpless so I started signing petitions, making an effort to educate myself, trying to help raise awareness and when that still didn’t feel like enough, I wrote ‘Boom’. I’m not going to try and sugarcoat or censor why ‘Boom’ was written because that would undermine the reasons behind the track. ‘Boom’ is a song about being fed up of the backwards way the world tries to work sometimes and using your voice to say no, thats not good enough!" Listen below.

#submission saturday #jessie lee #jandry palms #leahy #lybrah #slowe #lill #jada naidu #carolina east #faye fantarrow

[ohfreckle]

Kink flash fic: I never knew 'til I met you (Malec; explicit, public sex)

For the anon who requested Malec, public sex, with people watching. I already have another fic with semi-public sex in the works for them, but oh well...

Clearly I already suck at the 'short' part of this. Next up will be Thorki with-gasp-public sex. 

On AO3

The club is exclusive and intimate, small enough for them to be noticed. There’s a surprised lull in the conversations of the guests. It lasts barely for a few seconds before the other goes continue with their own business

"Well, then," Magnus says, "it’s nice to know that I’m not that easily forgotten." Alec lets out an inelegant snort and and mumbles something that sounds a lot like *understatement* before he takes the hand Magnus offers and follows him deeper into the room.

"Still good?" Magnus asks, watching Alec take in the large open space.

A bar is running along one side of the room, with several guests enjoying a drink. An eclectic array of divans and fainting couches is scattered across the lavish room, interspersed with armchairs and seating groups. Most are occupied by people talking over drinks, but quite a few are taken by people who are —well, fucking, there’s no delicate way to put it.

"Les Chandelles" is a highly exclusive club, heavily warded to ensure absolute discretion and keep any straying mundanes out. Shadowhunters aren’t exactly prohibited from visiting with a member, but with most of them so busy scuttling around to maintain *the law* it’s probably been decades since one set foot into the club. Alexander though had been more than intrigued when Magnus regaled him with yet another rather sordid tale of his past.

"Still good," Alec confirms, his voice tight but sure. He stops in front of a deep red fainting couch with an ornate silver frame and sits, tugging Magnus down into his lap. His breath is hot against Magnus’s cheek. "And ready."

It takes a moment for a word to sink in, but when they do Magnus can’t hold back a breathless laugh. "Alexander, are you telling me that you’ve fucked yourself open in my bathroom while I was outside and agonized if this is really what you want?" The hot blush that starts in the dip of Alec’s throat and spreads quickly down below his open shirt collar is answer more than enough.

"Well, yeah, you’re a terrible influence." Alec’s voice is low with arousal, but there’s also a slight tremor to it, a mix of nerves and anticipation Magnus understands only too well.

"I am indeed," Magnus says, leaning in until they are sharing the same breath. "I would have been a gentleman and invited you to watch."

It’s Alec who’s bridging the small distance between them. Magnus opens up for him, groaning when the kiss turns from eager to desperate and filthy. With his eyes closed he can almost imagine they’re at the loft, Alec’s hands on his hips, pulling him closer until their bodies slot together like two halves of a magnet.

But at home there isn’t the sound of sex surrounding them and the sharp sensation of being watched. Gods, Magnus is so hot already, the charged tension in the room and Alec’s body curving into him enough to make him riled, frantic.

A gorgeous moan rips out of Alec’s throat when Magnus rocks against him, hips snapping up sharp and urgent, sending a hot throb of want through Magnus’s body. He chases after Alec’s lips, shivering at the feeling of Alec’s fingertips dipping into his waistband and below, one large hand curving over the top of his ass.

"Is that what you want," Magnus murmurs when he notices Alec’s eyes flickering to their left where a Seelie has his companion bent over the back of a divan. A shiver goes through Alec. "No," he says, voice catching, reaching down to squeeze around the hard line of Magnus’s cock. "I want this inside of me and I want to *see* you."

The bold request burns through Magnus blood like fire, a low, pulsing ache settling into his balls. Magnus closes his eyes for a moment, tries to push down the overwhelming arousal that threatens to consume him. Fuck, he wants so many things with Alec, he just—wants. *Needs.*

He rolls Alec over on his back, snapping his fingers to remove their clothes. Alec’s thighs part immediately for him, cradling his hips. His breath comes in hot little pants and he’s dripping against his stomach, a sheen of sweat already glistening on his skin. He’s the very picture of decadence, pale skin and dark hair poured against red velvet, and Magnus can’t help but touch, dragging his fingers over smooth skin and coarse hair down to Alec’s plump cock, little sparks of magic marking his way.

"Don’t," Alec pants, one of his hands closing over Magnus’s hand on his cock, keeping it still. "Sorry, I don’t want this over too soon." He shivers, his hips lifting into Magnus’s touch despite his request. "Fuck, this is even more intense than I thought.""You’re far too tempting for your own good, Alexander," Magnus says, smoothing his palms up over the inside over Alec’s thighs, his thumbs stroking the crease where his legs meet his body. "Can you feel it? We haven’t even started playing and already everybody is looking at you."

"Well, then let’s start playing and give them something worthwhile," Alec says. "Fuck me."

Magnus exhales hard, struggling not to give in to the seething hot lust that crashes over him. He lifts up one of Alec’s legs, draping it over the back of the couch, and shuffles forward until he can lift Alec’s ass onto his lap. Alec other leg curls around his own thigh, his foot stroking over Magnus’s calf in a devastatingly sensual caress that takes his breath away.

Magnus slicks them both with a quick spark of magic before he wraps a hand around his cock and presses against the pinch of Alec’s hole. It’s tight, oh fuck, so tight it makes his head spin. "God, Alec, are you sure——," he starts, but any concerns he might have are cut short by the lascivious moan Alec shudders out the moment the flared head splits him wide and open.

"Fuck," Alec breathes and arches his back, clenching down hard on Magnus’s cock. "Again. Want it, want to feel you."

Magnus obeys with shaking hands, eyes riveted to Alec’s rim clinging to the head of his cock as he pulls out, yielding slowly when he pushes back inside. He fucks Alec open like this, slow and hard, in and out to the rhythm of Alec demanding *more* and *again*, lets Alec feel the burn every time he sinks a little deeper.

His breath is coming in quick, choppy gasps when he finally sinks inside, a long, slow glide until his balls are pressed tightly against Alec’s ass. Under him Alec’s hole body is a sweat-slick bow of want, one hand fisted in his own hair, the other curled tightly around his cock and balls.

"You like this," Magnus says, hissing when Alec contracts around the width of his cock, trying to keep him inside when he pulls back. Alec’s head falls back and he lets out a lascivious cry when Magnus thrusts back in, up and in, just where he needs it, slow and hard. "You like letting them watch how gorgeous you are with a cock in your ass."

"Yeah, feels good," Alec murmurs, pushing his chest up in a wanton little display that makes Magnus hips stutter with the heat that pours into his gut. "Fuck, *you* feel so good. Magnus, come *on*…" Alec lets go of his hair and trails his hand over his chest to his belly, pressing the heel down hard where Magnus is moving inside of him, arching his spine to coax Magnus deeper.

Fuck, fuck, *fuck*, Magnus can feel the faint pressure against the head of his cock every time he bottoms out and suddenly there’s just hot, all-consuming want lighting up his nerves. "Not gonna last," he chokes out, gritting his teeth against the throbbing ache in his balls. He’s aware of the stares they’re drawing, but the only thing he sees is Alec ruthlessly chasing his pleasure. Wrapping a hand around Alec’s cock he fucks in hard and grinds his hips in slow circles until Alec’s face breaks with pleasure. He contracts sharply around Magnus’s cock and shakes apart with a shocked moan, his body a sinful arch of greed and decadence.

"Don’t stop," he says, a lazy satiated hum that punches Magnus right in the the gut and he comes with a breathless gasp, Alec’s ass still pulsing around him, wringing the pleasure from him in a relentless pull until he’s sore and utterly spent.

They tumble down in a boneless heap, catching their breath and sharing kisses. "Well, that was intense," Alec finally huffs out on a laugh. "I’m pretty sure every guy here in this room wants to be me." He leans up for another kiss. "Pity for them."

"So you enjoyed it?" Magnus asks, cleaning them up with a twist of his fingers. "Enough to come back another time and show them what you can do with that gorgeous cock of yours?"

"Maybe," Alec says. He cradles Magnus’s face and strokes his thumb under Magnus’s eye. "It was good, more than good, but I really missed your eyes.""Well," Magnus says, swallowing against the sudden lump in his throat. "Why don’t we go home then and you can look at them to your heart’s content while I ride you."

"Yeah," Alec says, one corner of his mouth quirking into a smile. "Let’s do that.”

#malec fanfiction #malec fanfic #My writing

[dherzogblog]

songs/17

Hey everyone. Welcome back. In a break with tradition I expanded this year’s playlist well beyond the 80 minute limit of a CD.  in addition, and let’s be honest here, I did have some extra time on my hands to listen to music in 2017. So for your listening (and reading ) pleasure I present 1 hour and 50 minutes of the good stuff from the past year. I know, I know, it’s a lot. So is this blog for anyone who actually tries to read it. I’ll promise to try and get it back under control next year, but in the meantime…. enjoy! PS- Click on the bold type below for the music, extras and surprises.

Ride with Me- The Mavericks My theme song for 2017. This year was all about travel and figuring out what I was going to when I grow up. I checked ALL the boxes on the travel end, while the latter remains a work in progress. As the year began and I found myself “unencumbered”, I literally told Noreen to keep her bags packed. A few weeks later the always dependable Mavericks echoed my thoughts with this tune singing: “I gotta go… a whole world to see. So pack your bags up baby, Come along and ride with me “. And ride we did. From Havana to The Grand Canyon, Tokyo to Tel Aviv,  Motown to Muscle Shoals and many places in between, It was trains, planes, and automobile’s across thousands of miles with Noreen and as well as some good friends. It was nothing but good times, and I was so grateful for the opportunity.

No Particular Place To Go- Chuck Berry In 1973 a concert film entitled “Let The Good Times Roll” was released. It was a document of the then popular Richard Nader Rock & Roll revival shows that filled Madison Square Garden regularly. The film featured performances by Bo Diddley, Little Richard, Fats Domino, The Shirelles, and Chuck Berry. It was an era of great popularity for the vintage rock sounds of the 50′s. American Graffiti, Happy Days, Sha Na Na, and even The Beach Boys had helped usher in a “oldies” music revival. It was “retro” and” throwback” before  anyone coined those terms. And it proved that music that was once considered disposable as well as the exclusive domain of pimply teenagers had true enduring appeal. At the time Chuck Berry was riding the wave of his somewhat regrettable “My Ding A Long” novelty single. That song, as well as the 50’s/60’s revival in general is probably what got my 12 year old self into the theater. It was incredible to watch Little Richard climb all over the stage in a frenzy, his androgynous image predating Bowie, and his frenzied stage antics providing a blue print for Prince. Then there was Bo Diddley all in black, strutting the stage with his signature guitar chugging like a freight train, and Chuck Berry duck walking the crowd into a frenzy, it all had me mesmerized. Upon seeing the film, I was so blown away I went back to see it a second time just days later. It was the only way to see it again back then. The acts were all well past their prime and were considered mere “oldies” acts at the time. Berry was not yet 50. (He wouldn’t have been old enough to play Desert Trip) For me, it was a crash course in rock history helping me understand and process almost everything I heard after.

Champagne Corolla- Justin Townes Earle More Songs About Cars And Girls. JTE covers a lot of ground on this outing. He’s 8 albums into his career, and stepping out of the long shadow of his father. 

How to Boil An Egg- Courtney Barnett One off single from Australian singer songwriter making her return to the list. More messy, jangly musings on Millenial angst. She returned later in the year with a full length album with in partnership with Kurt Vile.

On The Rock- Bash & Pop Speaking of jangly and messy, Replacement Tommy Stinson delivers one of my favorite songs of the year. Good fun.

Bad Art and Weirdo Ideas (Quiet Slang)- Beach Slang The original version of this song appeared on the songs/15 list. James Alex the band’s leader starting touring under the moniker Quiet Slang last year. This EP contains some remakes as well as covers recorded in a “Quiet Slang” setting that includes strings. I loved this song the first time around, and even more so now.

Slow Me Down- Jess Ware  This year’s model. Yet another of the UK’s seemingly endless supply of soulful female vocalists. I love a good torch ballad.

Brand New Me- Aretha Franklin and The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra I’m normally suspect of these types of projects. Too gimmicky. Messing with these seminal records borders on sacrilege, But it being Lady Soul, along with some of my very favorite songs I gave a listen. Pairing classic Aretha vocals with brand new backing from London’s Royal Philharmonic Orchestra  these reboots seem to reach for something else. Imagine them as part of an Aretha Franklin Broadway jukebox musical or the lush soundtrack to an Aretha biopic.  And while this particular cut doesn’t have the low key swing of the original, it does have it’s own big, brassy charm. Cinematic orchestration aside, these Aretha vocals remain stone cold classics in any settings. 

At The Breaking Point- Zeshan B Remarkable debut from an Indian Muslim soul singer out of Chicago. The album, recorded in Memphis, is a mixture of obscure R&B , and retro feel originals expertly capturing a mid sixties soul vibe. Sung in three different languages , including Punjabi, the disc also features a great rendition of George Perkins Civil rights song “Cryin In The Streets”

Feeling Alive- Earl St. Clair This young man from Alabama delivers a positive and upbeat message in a modern R&B setting. Plus, I am totally down with the sentiment: “My friends say I should live a little, gotta say yes more”. From his gospel influenced singing to the fiddle heard near the end, their are echos of the deep south felt throughout.

Sweet Love- Wizkid Slinky exotic riddims from this Nigerian hip hop artist

Skin and Bone- Phil Cook I don’t know much about this guy. From north Carolina by way of Wisconsin. His previous record (this was a one off single) was mostly performed in an acoustic country blues/gospel vein. This track reminds me of a late era Sly Stone groove meeting conscious hip hop. The message is right on time, so “clap your hands”.

Birds Of A Feather, We Rock Together- Vulfpeck Vulpeck are back with all their funky, eclectic, quirky charm intact. You not be be able to get the title refrain out of your head after hearing it once. 

Brutal- the Expanders “Man say it brutal out deh”. Perfect description for the world at large in 2017. This Southern California unit specializes in rekindling the spirit of 70’s roots reggae, specifically the unique sounds of the eras classic vocal trios. This is a faithful remake of the Itals track from 1981. Original Ital Ronnie Davis died earlier this year. 

Ladies Nite- Bootsy Collins It’s ladies night in America folks. Bootsy always knows what time it is. O.G.Funk style.

My Old School- Steely Dan (Walter Becker) When I got to college in the fall of 1977, Steely Dan’s Aja was just about to hit record shops. It was an immediate smash upon being released. Prior to that release I knew their pop hits, but not the LP’s to a large degree. I really loved Aja. I was a big jazz funk fan and it had a lot of that influence. Later that school year, during the blizzard of 78, I have vivid memories of that record blasting from nearly every dorm room stereo and radio as we were cooped up for days on end. My next door neighbor in the dorm (from Worcester/“"Woostah" Mass) was a true Steely Dan fanatic. He considered Aja a bit of a sell out on their part.  He insisted I listen to the 5 albums in their catalogue that proceeded it. So I did, borrowing from his collection one LP at a time. I liked them all, especially the magnificent Katy Lied. But the song that always stayed with me was My Old School. A funky (and and not a bit bitter) anthem with a blast of horns straight from E Street topped off with an unforgettable sing a long chorus. As of this printing the Becker estate is now suing Fagen. California might fall into the sea just yet, and but no one is gong back to their old school.

Heart Of The City- Los Straitjackets In 17 years I’m not sure I’ve ever included a rock instrumental. Los Straitjackets remain the premier purveyors of that long forgotten genre. On their latest the band tackle’s the great Nick Lowe’s canon. Super rockin fun all the way through.

Jackpot- Nikki Lane Stylish Nashville rebel with a great voice, rolls the dice and comes with a twangy and rocking winner

A Little Pain- Margo Price A slice of country soul heaven from alt country’s it girl.

Living In The City- Hurray For The Riff Raff On her latest outing band leader Alynda Lee Segarra embraces her Bronx bred Hispanic roots moving ever so slightly away from the alt country sound of previous albums. This track splits the difference nicely. 

Here Comes My Girl- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers I vividly remember both the first time I saw Tom Petty perform, as well as the last time. The first was in Madison Square Garden as part of a tremendous line up at one of The No Nukes Shows headlined by Bruce Springsteen. The under card was pretty strong that night. Bonnie Raitt, Peter Tosh, and Gil Scott- Heron. I was a fan of all the acts and had seen them all play live, save Petty. I was not sure what to expect from Petty that night. At that time he had three songs garnering airplay and scratching the Top 40. There was the Byrds like “American Girl”, the AOR ready “Breakdown”, and the taught, urgent energy of  “I Need to Know”. That track had me wondering if The Heartbreakers might just be another skinny tie band. In addition there was the slight confusion because punk rocker Johnny Thunders band was also named The Heartbreakers . So I wasn’t exactly sure what I was about to see. His short dispelled any notions of a the act being new wave flash in the pan. It was clear Petty was more straight ahead rock classicist. The release of Damn The Torpedoes just a few weeks later would confirm that. Petty had arrived and was thrust onto the charts and into the big leagues. I was never a huge fan. I loved the best albums and ignored the others. I never found him a great live performer, but always left his shows happy. The songs were great and the band was top notch. Somehow despite his nuanced low key approach he became an unlikely MTV video star. He made continually great clips and they dominated the channel. Despite that, he never did promotions and contests, was rarely interviewed, and his managers did not work us nearly as much as his superstar peers. He toured regularly and always seemed to have a clip in rotation. He was the every man rock star, not bigger than life, not overly political, just writing great songs, hanging with The Wilbury’s and doing his thing. It felt like he was was always there, but he never was. A huge star, yet somehow in the shadows. Hence I rarely ever came face to face. My one memory is standing on stage at Live Aid next to him, and then Heartbreaker drummer Stan Lynch as they waited like anxious school boys to see the reunited Led Zeppelin. They could not have been more excited, anxiously awaiting the set to begin. The band hit the stage and started too play. It was a disaster, just awful. Half way through the second song Petty threw Lynch a sour look. In a flash they were gone, back to the artist compound. They could not bear to watch. I saw Petty perform for the last time just ten days before he passed. I was in the first row at The Hollywood Bowl. Early on I remarked to my wife “He doesn’t look good” (although truthfully, did he ever?). His energy seemed good, and his demeanor upbeat, but he was pasty and wan. He stumbled crossing the stage a few times, took some quiet puff of a cigarette hidden on the drum riser. And he was doing a weird thing with his mouth/lips/teeth. But honestly my reaction was not unlike running into a friend you haven’t seen in a bit where they did not look their best. Like everyone else, I was shocked when I heard the news. When all is said and done for me, it was the songs. Lyrics clear and concise, monster melodic hooks, classic influences and great production.  Petty had a chip on his shoulder for sure, but it fueled the hope, ambition, and longing in his best songs and allowed him to achieve pop perfection over and over.

Gentle On My Mind- Glen Campbell 1968. I listened to what ever WABC played on the radio. Around that time there were three sappy and saccharine pop hits that always managed to make my cynicism free, nine year old heart ache with melancholy. The country soul of “O.C Smith’s. “Little Green Apples”, the maudlin mush of Bobby Goldsboro’s “Honey”, and the gorgeous,”Gentle on My Mind”. 1968 turned dark quickly with the assassination of Martin Luther King and Bobby Kennedy, the simmering controversy around the Vietnam War, and a divisive presidential election. The bright sunlight of The Summer Of Love disappeared as quickly, as did this type of 60′s pop (and psychedelia for that matter). Campbell continued to write mainstream and country hits, star in his own prime tine TV series (”Hello, I’m Glen Campbell!”), and later become tabloid fodder with his drama and drug fueled marriage to country bad girl Tanya Tucker. All of this conspiring to obscure the fact that he was a truly a tremendous songwriter and performer. I was moved recently watching the heartbreaking documentary “I’ll Be Me” which chronicles his battle with Alzhiemers on his final tour. Its well worth a watch and adds to the story of this somewhat overlooked legend.

Tupelo- Jason Isbell and The 400 Unit Beautiful ballad from the ex Drive By Trucker. A great album overall as well.

Transformation- Van Morrison If this sounds familiar, that’s probably the point. This track echoes back to Van’s great mid 70′s albums. It’’s smothered in enough tupelo honey, crazy love and  celtic soul to turn on your electric light and send you into the mystic. I’m gonna guess you’re all ok with that.

Midnight Rider- Allman Brothers Band  (Greg Allman) CLICK HERE for my earlier Greg Allman post (REVISED AND UPDATED)

Find Yourself- Lukas Nelson and The Promise of The Real Willie’s son and band fresh off the road deliver a promising set. This southern soul track recalls classic’s like William Bell’s “I Forgot to Be Your Lover”, and Delaney and Bonnie’s version of “Everybody Loves A Winner. That plus the pedigree gets my interest. Willie clearly raised him right.

 What Would I Do- Lizz Wright The elegant and soulful Lizz Wright delivers plenty of grace on her latest set of well chosen covers like this Ray Charles gem.

Have You Heard Anything From The Lord Today- Cody Chestnutt Elusive and genre hopping Cody Chestnutt returns with only his fifth album in over 15 years.  Better known within the industry than out, he always delivers something interesting. This time it’s a little bit of a little bit of faith.

Not Dark Yet- Shelby Lynne& Alison Moorer Two of country’s finest voices, and sisters, finally team up for an entire album. This is one of my very favorite latter day Dylan tunes, and they sing it beautifully. I was haunted by their version the very first time I heard it and have played it quite a bit since. I’ve always interpreted the lyrics to be the final reflections of someone getting ready to meet their maker. As 2017 brought some very tough days, there were times I couldn’t help thinking of it as a reflection of the state of our union and the planet. “It’s not dark yet, but it’s getting there” I thought to myself once too often. Here’s to a better 2018. Here’s the whole thing on Spotify: songs/17 The Herzogs wish you and all of yours the very best. Look forward to seeing you in the new year. xo dh Los Angeles, December 2017

[lilithspice]

Inquisitors Notes: File 9475839 Name: Eveline 'Scarlette' Novianna

(Safe for work, Implied relationship, implied sexual relationship, Warhammer 40k, angst)

I came under the possession of young Scarlette on the planet on Scintala, a bustling hive world. Born to a noble family that dealt in exports and trading cargo, the Novianna family were well known by both the Inquisition and the Rogue Traders. From the details I have been able to pull Scarlette was the youngest of four children born into the family, and as fate would have it quite the rebellious child, often finding herself scolded by her middle bother, Naveen, for the trouble she caused. She expressed to me when we first met that she did not care much for her noble heritage for anymore more than the weight it may carry in the future. Regardless due to the nature of her meddling in her fathers business she found upon her sixteenth birthday she was faced with a suitor for her to marry. As one who has dealt with the headstrong young woman I can attest to her free will, and therefore her obvious disagreement to the situation she was faced with. This, as far as I can tell, was the breaking point for her father who instead came up with a different plan to get rid of his youngest daughter.

When a Rogue Trader vessel came into port on the planet a meeting was held between her father and the Captain, and young Scarlette was told she would be shipped off to work on the vessel as a way to bring honor to her family name (and possibly get rid of the troublesome child). From here when I prompted her to tell me more about her family life she seemed to hesitate, inquiring whether it was indeed necessary and expressing that she did not have many fond memories of her time on Scintala. I noted at this time she had a shard of glass that she turned over in her fingers and asked why she carried the odd item around. She then proceeded to tell me that the night she was told she would be leaving her home world she flew into a rage and smashed one of the stained-glass windows in her room, prompting Naveen to enter and attempt to calm her. As follows is a transcript of the conversation:

S: I was pretty frakkin angry at them all, honestly. I: Why? S: As much as I hated being highborn and having no real worth to my family, it was still my home at the time and I didn’t want to go. I: You said that you broke a window, if I recall? S: Yeah, in hindsight mother was probably pretty angry that I did that. My brother came in when he heard the noise and was worried I had hurt myself. I: You expressed a great companionship with your brother, is that correct? S: Yes, well...not really. It was that I just got along better with Naveen than the other two. Octavius was an ass-kisser, always the first one to run to father when he found out I had done something wrong, and Magnus was the eldest, so in hindsight he thought everyone was out to steal his inheritance. I: So you were closer to Naveen than the others, that’s fair. S: He was more lenient with me but he was so happy for me when he heard I was leaving. After he fixed my hand up he gave me a shard of the glass window to take with me. I: Why would he have done that? S: He told me it was so I could remember where I came from. So I never forgot to come back eventually...I’ve never seen any of my brothers cry before but Nav' cried on the day I left for the Rogue Trader ship. I: Did you ever return to visit? S: No.

Scarlett’s tone shifted greatly when our topic turned to that of the Rouge Trader vessel, she often laughed and told stories about her time on the ship and it would seem that she had much fonder memories than on her home world. She told me that while the Rogue Trader Captain was a little eclectic in his mannerisms, she warmed to him quickly. She expressed then that she didn’t actually serve on the main ship, but rather one of its sisters. There she told me the Captain was a friendly, fatherly type figure to his crew. Her expression often grew warm when talking of him, if a little forlorn. Perhaps a bitter-sweet nostalgia? Scarlette then proceeded to tell me that once she was on the ship the captain asked for her name and when she responded with her birth name, Evaline, was told that was not to be her name any more and was prompted to give a new one. Confused, she told me she had pulled at a strand of her hair, confused, and gazed at the fiery red lock for a moment before responding with the name Scarlette. It would make sense now to me why she prefers to use that name as opposed to her birth name. She has expressed on numerous occasions that she feels her true family was that of the crew of the Rogue Trader fleet, as in her eyes they treated her more as kin than her true family ever did. When prompted to tell me more about her time before being hired for the Inquisition she grew animated, often grinning wildly and gesturing about to make her point. She informed me that she put under a sort of general test and that the information that it had produced apparently dedicated that she would be a Seeker. For those reading this record who are unaware of what a seeker is they are required to uphold the law and rules of the ship and settle any disputes that may have arisen between members. They are also in charge of investigating any suspicious circumstances that may arise on said vessel if the situation were to arise. It is here again that I defer to the transcript to give a better understanding of Scarlette:

I: I take it you enjoyed your new position? S: Very much so! Lupus was an amazing mentor, I couldn’t have asked for a better teacher! I: I take it you are referring to Lieutenant Lupus Vilmar, the ships head seeker? S: Mhmm! He was the one who first showed me around the ship and introduced me to everyone. I'll admit at first I was a little scared of him, ya know, with the scars and tattoos and all that.

(Lieutenant Vilmar was indeed a heavily scarred and tattooed veteran seeker)

I: Did you enjoy your job? S: Not at first, I didn’t like having to boss people around and Lupus would tell me off when I did something wrong but it wasn’t like at home where I felt bad. I actually wanted to get better when he told me what I did wrong and how to fix it. I really hope he is doing well... I: Of course. Is there anyone else remarkable that sticks out in your mind from the ship?

(It was here that Scarlette seemed to become quite sullen and thoughtful, flicking the box of lho sticks around in her hand)

S: I had a best friend while I was on the ship. A real smart ass of a guy, his name was Gaius, he was a guard. I: An unusual choice for a friend. S: Maybe, but he was always kind to me. Kicked my ass when we sparred enough to make me not want to any more and he never really held my heritage against me like some of the others did. For lack of another term Gaius was your typical meat-head. You could talk to him all day about guns and work out regimes but the minute I tried to explain how and why I ended up on the ship he kind of just looked dazed and confused and told me to use smaller words. He was always good to me though, a really good friend. I: You seem dis-hearted by this? S: Not by Gaius' manner, no. I'd grown quite accustomed to spending my free time with the lug of a man to...appreciate what he could do, smart mouth and teasing aside. He always did his job above and beyond. I'm just...remembering how we parted and I don’t want to.

(It would seem Scarlette was possibly holding back on some of the more private notions of her relationship, not wishing to disclose them for whatever reason.)

S: I found out there was a parasitic brain worm infesting the ship. I took it upon myself to investigate and see if it could be stopped and who was possibly infected. I: I bold intuitive move. Didn't you tell your commanding officer? S: I didn’t know if he had been infected, and I had no idea if this thing had some kind of hive mind – that could have possibly blown my investigation away immediately. Ironic as it was but I discovered that one of the key signs of being infected was a drastic change in attitude and sadly that was what Gaius was displaying. I: Perhaps he was having a bad day. S: Perhaps, Inquisitor, but I couldn’t take that risk. I: Then what did you do to resolve the problem? S:...I shot him while he slept, sir. I: In his bunk? With everyone else liable to walk in? S: Uh...no sir. In my room, my bed. I had a private room as an officer... I: … S: Please don’t ask, Inquisitor.

(I conceded the point, my suspicions proving true at this juncture and didn’t feel the need to press any further on the matter.)

I: Then please, do continue, Scarlette. S: I went to to captain after that to report my findings and report on Gaius' death, only to find him in a similar state...so I shot him too. I: You shot the captain of your own ship? S: Dead.

(It was at this point she grew noticeably upset and toyed with both her hat that he had placed in her lap and the lho box she held.)

I: Your fiddling. S: I'm sorry Inquisitor. These are the only things I have left to remember them by. I: A hat and a lho box? S: Mhmm... I confiscated Gaius' lho box before the rest of his possessions were incinerated and was given the captains hat as an old superstition. I: Explain. S: We had stopped the fleet in order to further the investigation and we found out that once the queen worm was killed, the others simply died off with no repercussions. When the Rogue Trader captain heard about how I had killed the captain of my ship he told me it was an old Rogue Trader superstition that the person who had killed the captain had to take their hat. It seemed rude of me to refuse at that point, and he was such a good man... I: But if the brain worms queen was killed when you shot the captain down dead then there was no need to kill your guard friend. S: That’s true, but that fact was not discovered until later, I had to take the precaution since I had no idea how the parasite spread or why. I regret the fact that I had to kill him but I know it was necessary for the well-being of all those on the ship. I had to make my priorities clear. I: I applaud your tenacity and dedication to your job, Scarlette, you did very well. S: I don't want to be thanked for killing my own men, sir.

It was at this point the young redhead seemed to exude some sort of authority, obviously I was not effected but I could easily see how others could be. An understanding silence fell between me and the acolyte I was interviewing, as we both collected our thoughts. Of course I already knew about the brain worms; the Rogue Trader captain used that as one of the prime examples of why she would make such a good acolyte. I must admit he was right in this case, she seemed exactly like what I could have asked for in a subordinate.

[End of transcript]

(I also do commissions - feel free to shoot me a message if your interested!)

#warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #commission #commisionwork #writing commissions

[grace1029-blog1]

Paula Scher

Being a female graphic designer and constantly being introduced to the successful male graphic designers in history, Paula Scher immediately caught my attention when I first heard her speak and learned of her story. Listening to her talk about her journey and where she gets all of her inspiration from was really amazing. When I was first introduced to Abstract on Netflix and the documentary around her life I did not know much about who she was, I just knew the name. I remember watching her documentary and hearing the males in the room give their opinion saying how if she lived in Youngstown she would not be as successful as she is today, and that it is all about where you start your journey. As much as I do no disagree with that I took her story a different way and saw that she really gathers ideas from just about everything. She is inspired by all the things she encounters on a daily basis, people, architecture, street art, and anything she sees. In her documentary, she said most of her best ideas happened in a taxi, and she is often in a taxi going somewhere. Not only is her inspiration inspiring for young female designers, but her ability to use typography the way she does in so many different ways makes me want to push myself that much more in my own designs. This is the main reason that I am so attracted to her as an artist because experimenting with typography is one of my favorite parts about being a graphic designer. She says, “Everywhere I go I see typography”.

Paula Scher started her career as an art director in the 1970s. She became famous for her eclectic approaches to handling type and creating different forms of typography in her designs. Each piece she encounters she tries to push to new limits and make it even better than the previous project. When it comes to type she works to integrate type and image and also creates unique branding for companies based on type alone. Along with working with typography, she is also a painter and art educator.

In the 1990s she rebranded the Public Theater and gave it a new voice. This became a showcase of her talent as a designer and was the peak of her prominence. She is now a part of the world's largest independent design consultancy in New York City called Pentagram. She started her career with this company in 1991 and is responsible for the branding of extremely popular and well known brands like Coca-Cola, Tiffany & Co., Citibank, and so much more. She has also won numerous awards for her designs and also her graphic design books. Her design work is showcased all over the world and she also has permanent collections in over five museums such as the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA), Bibliothèque nationale de France, and the Denver Art Musem. She is still working as a designer and Partner at Pentagram and is continuing to do breathtaking work in the design industry.

Her work goes from minimal to cluttered to abstract and back. She has zero limits. One piece of hers that I always have in my head and remember is a piece she did for the New York City Ballet about Nouveau Salon. For this design she used typography to create a silhouette that appeared to be dancing. I loved how she created so much movement with a really simple typeface and still managed to keep everything so clean and legible, for those who can actually read what it says. I also appreciate how she did not use any other colors in the design besides black and white. Normally in her work she incorporates really deep and bright colors like red, blue, and yellow, but keeping this as simple as she did really helped the design in the end. Another thing about this design that I really enjoyed is the use of negative space. In many of her designs she works with a lot of negative space, whether it be intentional or not, it always seems to make the type that much more attractive. In this case the outline of the text creating that silhouette leaves all this possibility for movement in the empty background. I almost wanted it to start moving around the page. Another one of her pieces, which is more well known by everyone is her branding of the Public Theater in New York City that I mentioned previously. The main thing that attracts me to this design is her methodology behind it. Being someone who finds it hard to document all of my methodology for projects I have so much appreciation for where all of her ideas for this logo came from. Using simple text she managed to convey movement and space and from that it inspired so many other designs using the “PUB” in Public on other posters she did for events at the theater. More on her work for the Public Theater in 2014 and 2015 with the campaign they called “It’s Nice That” she used bright yellow and black and simple type that mimicked movement and three dimensional form. The posters have text that skews right or left in alternating bands performing or is split by some type of photo be it silhouettes or full photos of the performers. This design was really successful to me because it outlined the ideas that she had originally in rebranding the Public. It focuses on type and image and brings the viewers eye in with bold typefaces and contrasting colors. I wondered if the lines in between the type were not there if it would be a more successful piece because the skewing of the text already provides a dividing line, but other than that I thought this was such a clean and powerful design. Paula Scher also designed the branding for Period Equity, which was a strategy aimed to end sales tax on female hygiene products like tampons. I thought this was hilarious at first and then realized that she made the most simple design that made so much sense. The slogans were, “Stop taxing our periods! Period”, and “Periods are not luxuries. Period.”. The design was very minimal and consisted of type and a simple use of a circle to represent a period. She used a limited color palette like in most of her more simplistic designs, and managed to get the point across without much detail at all. The beauty was in the minimal use of graphics. Like all of her designs the type was clean and it was organized and situated towards the top left of all the different formats with some negative space floating at the bottom, almost as if to show the pause after this simple statement. I really liked how she took something simple and made it into a strong and powerful design without incorporating unnecessary graphics or design detail. Along with all of Paula’s ingenious designs there are so many logos that she has created that we see every day like the Citi Bank logo. Hearing the design methodology behind this logo was wild. Travelers Insurance and Citibank were merging and she needed to create a logo that embodied both of these companies. She said it only took her a moment of time to create this logo. She took the red umbrella from Travelers and the type in citi bank and created an umbrella with the t in citi and connected the two i’s in citi that would complete the umbrella. She talked about how this idea was finished and that it took a million meetings to get the customer to like what they had created and realizing that it would work. She was unbelievably confident in her design and that was really amazing. Listening to her talk about what went through her head in designing this so quickly and so effortlessly was really cool. The thing I like most about the logo is not everyone knows the reasoning for why it looks the way it does but its aesthetically pleasing and simple and successful. Paula Scher has an abundance of fantastic graphic design and fine art work. I could listen to her talk about her designs over and over and just continue to be more inspired. Looking back now on myself a couple semesters ago I do not know why I never explored learning about her more then. It is really important in my opinion to be able to look up to someone who has done this career and made it a success and take that into the work I am doing on my own. She is definitely someone worthy of looking up to for inspiration on becoming a great designer someday.

[alexteltevskiy]

Vintage russki camera review - Zenit-B w/ Industar 50-2 f/3.5

Intro

I have a modestly sized family and most about every in it is/has been crazy about photography at some point in their lives. My father, in particular, has been in the cozy company of cameras since, like, forever. I've got a picture of him somewhere: a cheerful little lad, no older than a year, crawling around right next to my grandpa's trusty little rangefinder...

What does this have to do with anything? Well, today I'll be reviewing one of my dad's many old cameras - his trusty Zenit-B with an Industar 50-2 50mm f/3.5. He used this one as his 35mm camera of choice after his FED rangefinder, having abandoned it much later after moving on to Japanese SLRs. I actually accidentally bumped into this camera about a year ago in my older brother's attic. Turns out, my dad gave the camera as a present to my bro, who used it for a bit but ultimately forgot about its existence, having moved on to more modern snappers.

Imagine my surprise when I unearth the leather-case-clad tank-of-a-camera with a big bold Made in USSR stamped onto it. The thing was lightly used, lens had no malices typical of a subterranean attic-dweller (haze, fungus), nothing was seriously loose or wrong... until I popped it open to check shutter operation...

Design & build quality

The thing is built like a tank. Mass produced from 1968 to 1973. Rugged and over-engineered, and that is even before I tore it down to get inside and fix it. Inside it looked like it was built to withstand a nuclear blast. A Tchaikovsky Overture of heavy duty gearing, solid steel parts, heavy gauge springs, all tightly wedged against each other with thick flat head screws.

All the more baffling why, oh WHY did they bother to use simple glue to keep together the rubber-coated cloth shutter??? The most important piece of the puzzle, the cornerstone, the heart of the system... why was it made to be so weak? And it's not like there was a large amount of redundancy built into the mechanism - a little bit of glue going undone and the whole curtain self-destructs. Just don't get it.

Anyway, I had to hunt down a spare body with a functioning shutter on eBay to kindly act as a donor. As soon as the box touched down on my front porch the organ transplant was underway and not long afterwards my neighbors probably heard me go on a creepy "it's alive" howl. Frankenzenit was ready for action.

Apart from the shutter glue drama, the camera is a brick, chiseled out of the Terminator's spare parts. And there's just something about that Soviet design aesthetic that gets me every time. Like an old friend you'd sometimes like to forget, but can't. An eclectic mix of extreme cases of forms following function and the necessity for every single object in the country to be fixable with a skeleton toolset of dull screwdriver and hammer. Heck, most of the time even just the hammer was necessary.

Tech specs

Under the covers it was all business and no frills. Barebones feature set, all manual, nothing extra. Shutter goes from 1/30 to 1/500 (the accuracy of which I can't attest to after seeing the mechanism up close and personal), has Bulb. Shutter knob has twist-proof mechanism, reminded me of something you'd find on a T-34 instead of a camera but it has a charm to it, adding an extra step to process.

Winder/shutter button combo with a built-in hand-resetable frame counter and provisions for a standard cable release. A rewind button and rewind/ISO memory wheel. Oh, and a self-timer. Mirror slap is not too obnoxious but don't expect to pull a ninja with this camera - loud and clunky. Next to zero foam in the body, the only seals are made of felt that are still going strong after 45+ years.

The lens is a copy of a Zeiss design, M42 mount, opens up to 3.5 and stops down to 16. Filter thread is, wait for it, 35mm in diameter. Good luck finding a pinch lens cap for it. More details on image quality further down the review.

In use

Armed with a meter and a trusty roll of Ilford HP5+ @400 (I ran out of Tri-X at that moment), headed out Downtown with Kris from 43 Stories to see the sights and sounds of the Big City. From the sun-soaked vantage point of a 12-floor parking garage all the way down to chilly pale breeze of the distant skyline from the shores of Navy Pier, the 7-mile 6-hour walk took us all the way from Printer's Row, through the Loop on the L and onto River North, crossing the Magnificent Mile and into Streeterville. Crash at Navy Pier then back home.

Right from the beginning you get a sense that this will be a no-nonesense camera. Everything is roughly where you expect it. The gears are less ergonomic than its peers and the levers dig a little deeper into your skin, but the classic layout was a breather from some of the other cameras I've tested lately. Compact, easy to hold and grip, even with gloves. Aggressive knurling on the controls made fine manipulation easy. Everything clicks solidly.

In addition to the Victorian-Era steely thunderclap of a shutter, the camera has further handicaps that keep it back from being a street-smart photoninja. The shutter speed can't be set blindly, as there are no indicators of what speed you're on anywhere else but the knob. And to change speeds, you have to raise the knob, rotate it and plop it back into the correct setting. There are no physical clicks or stops when you rotate it, so unless you have super-dexterous fingers and a built-in angle meter accurate to the degree, you have to take the camera off of your eyes to readjust exposure.

Same goes for aperture, but this time it's even worse - camera needs to be focused wide open as the finder is too dim. And after you focus you'll most likely have to stop down the aperture. This cannot be done without peeling away from the camera and looking down at the aperture ring. It's clickless, so unless you have a sixth sense for degrees, you will need to look down. Forget quick turnaround time on the streets - this camera is a methodical shooter that requires planning ahead and patience, both from you and any animate object in front of you.

The viewfinder is pretty dim and features a regular ground glass - no fresnel circles in the center or any other focusing aids. With a f/3.5 lens it may not make that much of a difference, but any other lens with a larger aperture may require you to hunt quite a bit to nail that f/2 or f/1.4. Another minor (major, actually) annoyance is that the ring around the viewfinder is, just like most else on this camera, made of metal. Yours Truly Four-Eyes over here needs to first focus with glasses on, making sure not to have direct contact with the metal ring, then slide the glasses over to zoom the eye closer in to compose. The viewfinder optics are recessed deep into the body and it's impossible to see the entire viewfinder area coverage with glasses on. Haven't been able to dig up specs on viewfinder coverage but I have a hunch it's around the 80%-90% mark - I always saw extra features on the negs that I thought were long gone from the frame.

One final note about the viewfinder is that in the camera that I have, the viewfinder is misaligned horizontally, with a couple degrees of rotation to the right. Plain English: when the horizon is straight in my viewfinder, it's actually crooked in the actual photo. I haven't tested this with a bubble level yet, but people call me "human horizon" for a reason - I'm usually very, very careful with that. You hear horror stories about little irking details like this all the time with Soviet cameras, guess they've got some validity behind them, eh? Looking inside, I found no way of adjust the mirror or the ground glass. After peaking into the donor body, that one was misaligned as well, this time leaning to the opposite side.

The winder on this camera is an absolute beast. Quite literally. Be very, very gentle with it. Treat it real slow, nice and easy. The winder sprocket cams inside the body are born from a crude metal cast with razor-sharp edges on the teeth. I consider the Ilford HP5+ film base to be on the pretty durable side, yet even it has had ripped sprockets along most of the length. The winding lever has virtually zero feedback compared to modern cameras and Hulk-like leverage. The only way I was informed that I'd gotten to the end of the roll is when I heard a loud rip of the film from it's canister. Removing it required a dark changing bag. Apart from that expect to get 37-38 shots per 36 exposure roll. Film spacing is pretty consistent and film gate is at a slight angle but at least with no major light leaks (pressure plate still good after all these years).

Image quality

So what do the images look like? They're pretty good, actually. I was expecting it perform a lot worse, but it is a knock-off of a Zeiss design, so that probably helps. First, the numbers. 3.5 is predictably soft, with decent center, medium vignetting and mildly mushy corners. Modern pixel peepers would consider this atrocious, but that's not what film aficionados are after, and to my eye it actually appears pleasantly vintage looking. I found the lens sharpest in the center by f/5.6, with f/8 improving the corners but starting to lose a bit in the center. F/11 exhibits a uniform image from center to corner, that's as in "uniformly soft", and f/16 starts looking like somebody took the photo and printed it on a rug made of low-denier fabrics.

Bokeh is minimal and can get quite busy unless you get REAL close to something. Wide open the bokeh is also quite swirly (couldn't find a more technical term), reminiscent of many vintage lens, where it looks like time and space itself are being bent around your subject matter. A look I actually quite like and one that is currently being revived thanks to Lomography's efforts with lens based on ancient optical formulas.

Flaring can be an issue, but the way the lens handles it is by dissipating the flare across the entire field of view, unlike some other lens where the flare affects the image only partially. I would assume this is because minimal, if any coating was used on the elements. I actually prefer this.

I was also quite surprised by the copious amounts of barrel distortion I noticed when photographing objects close up. I mean, come on - it's a 50, not even a 35! At infinity though, distortion is gone and buildings don't look like they're binging on burgers.

Conclusion

So, what do I think about a camera that has more misalignments than a knocked over vase that was superglued back together? The camera has a lot of sides the modern snapper would find archaic, impractical and irritating. It's a menace to film rolls and close ups of straight brick walls. It's an exercise in patience and meticulousness. And it's a lottery of settings and angles plagued by inconsistency and vagueness. But despite all this it still works, and works solidly. I am still surprised by the engineered heart failure on these cameras, but at a dime a dozen, there's no reason one should stay away from these exotic relics from a bygone world order.

PS: Did I mention that it's a conversation starter? "Hello sir! May I make a portrait of you?" "What kind of camera is that?" "It's almost 50 years old, shoots black and white film and was made in the USSR!" (eyes bulging in surprise) "No way! Sure man, take as many as you like!"

Sample pics

#film #analog #35mm #photography #vintage #camera #test #review #ussr #soviet #russian #zenit #zenit-b #industar #ilford #hp5 plus #chicago #downtown #black and white #bw #urban #street #navy pier

[americanahighways]

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  What a year of music it was in 2019. In fact, I’d say it was one of the best I’ve ever experienced. This was my second trip around the sun with Americana Highways and I’m both humbled and proud to be a small part of what our Editor Melissa Clarke has created. It’s a lot of work as a contributor, but it would be an impossible task without out the assistance we receive from all the band publicists, managers and staff. Same should be said of the venue teams. But most of all, my thanks to all the bands and artists. How dull my life would be without you.

There’s bound to be speculation about some of my omissions. I didn’t hear every release. There are definitely some albums I’m still looking forward to giving full attention to. (Tyler and Sturgill’s releases immediately come to mind.) With that said, my wife would tell you that I’m one of those music “nerds.” Therefore, I enjoy narrowing down my music to a near obsessive level. So, with that in mind I attached a stipulation. I only considered releases I either personally reviewed or ones that I heard 100%, and with multiple listens.  I expect I’ll have other favorites as I work to catch up with those releases I still want to check out. But for now, these the releases I listened to the most.

Albums of the year 2019

1. Billy Strings Home. Not sure how this one missed my initial radar, but my current excitement around his music is comparable to my love of all things Grateful Dead. My favorite album of the year without question. https://billystrings.com/

2. Benjamin Tod A Heart Of Gold Is Hard To Find/ Lost Dog Street Band Weight Of a Trigger. Maybe cheating a bit, but both deserve mention. Not since Townes has a singer-songwriter captured life’s pains as astutely as Tod does here. That’s impressive. https://www.benjamintodmusic.com/ https://www.lostdogstreetband.com/

3. Mike Oberst Six Feet Of Earth. Stopped me in my tracks when I heard it. Its warmth and familiarity resonated with me deeply. https://mikeoberst.com/

4. Los Coast Samsara. They mightily impressed me opening for St. Paul & Broken Bones. Clever, catchy, funky and bold. A band to watch. https://www.loscoast.com/

5. Tedeschi Trucks Band Signs. Heartwarming, comforting and emotional. The band captured their grief and hope all at the same time in album that’s beautiful and rich through and through. https://www.tedeschitrucksband.com/

6. Tanya Tucker While I’m Still Living. Don’t call it a comeback. Relaunch is the preferred description. Whatever you call it, it’s proof that Tanya Tucker is still kicking ass.  https://www.tanyatucker.com/

7. John Paul White The Hurting Kind. Old school country brilliance. Captures the ghost of Nashville’s grandest and most resplendent times. JPW is one of my favorite vocalists of any genre. http://www.johnpaulwhite.com/

8. Allison Moorer Blood. Powerful, honest songs that capture and express despair, loss, as equally as they do perseverance and family. I speculate it could easily be a  Grammy Winner. http://allisonmoorer.com/

9. Malford Milligan Life Will Humble You.  Leave it to Malford to release such great album, and one I wasn’t expecting.  It’s a personal and introspective blues album that makes me homesick for Texas. http://www.malfordmilliganmusic.com/

10. Ted Russell Kamp Walking Shoes. An eclectic, substantive, country album.  It’s familiar, organic and fun. Great songwriter, musician and one heck of a nice guy. http://tedrussellkamp.com/

Concerts of the Year 2019

It was quite a year of live music for me. I saw 53 actual events with a total of 152 actual sets of music, reviewing and photographing each one for contributions. I spent countless hours this year attending, photographing, editing and writing about nearly every concert I could squeeze in. I drove countless miles, and immersed myself nearly fully in the music and the chase of that magic it holds. I’ll turn 50 years old within hours of completing this year-end piece. What sticks with me the most about those 50 years is how important music has been throughout it. As far back as I can remember there’s been music. One band or song after another has added too, and built one impressive soundtrack for my life. In 2019 I threw caution to the wind somewhat. I  re-ignited my high adventure tendencies and tried to catch more shows in a year than I’d done before. I continued to explore and expand my boundaries and escape my comfort zones. I tried to disintegrate the confines of genres within music by seeing as many new bands as I could, and I’m pretty satisfied by the results. Truth is, I probably need to scale things back in 2020. I guess we’ll see.  My wife would also tell you that I’m nothing if not a creature of habit. So anyway, here’s my ten favorite live experiences of the year:

  9/16 Glen Hansard – It’s basically indescribable how great this show was. The songs, the presentation, that band. Not only this years favorite show, but also probably of the past few years. Do not miss the opportunity if it presents. http://glenhansard.com/

12/13 Charlie Daniels Band  I expected a nostalgia show and was put in my place by an 83 year old man. An 83 year old man and band that put on one of the most electric shows of the year. https://www.charliedaniels.com/welcome

7/11-13 Woody Fest – Easily the best music festival I’ve ever been a part of. The sense of family would prevail regardless of the lineup. But, thankfully the lineup is as outstanding as the people doing all the work behind the scenes. Can’t wait for 2020. https://www.woodyfest.com/

7/2 Dead and Company — I admit, I had questioned John Mayer as Bobby Weir’s choice to further the magic bus that was the Grateful Dead. I underestimated Mr. Mayer, and his respect of the songs and scene won me over and got me back on road. It felt like going home. https://deadandcompany.com/

11/12 Tedeschi Trucks Band, Southern Avenue – Perfect line-up,  perfect execution. Lots of heart and soul, and of course that unexplainable ‘x-factor’. https://www.tedeschitrucksband.com/

8/13 Lost Dog Street Band, Matt Heckler, The Tillers – This show lead me to some of my favorite music of the year, with Benjamin Tod/Lost Dog Street Band, Mike Oberst (Tillers) both also occupying my albums of 2020 list. I also wouldn’t have discovered GemsOnVHS without this show. https://www.benjamintodmusic.com/,   https://www.lostdogstreetband.com/ , https://www.mattheckler.com/ , https://mikeoberst.com/ , https://www.the-tillers.com/ , https://gemsonvhs.com/

  2/23 BJ Barham early & late – A night of BJ acoustic and in storyteller mode. I’ll  never miss it and hope for many more opportunities. It’s special. http://www.americanaquarium.com/

3/29 Willie Nelson and Family – An all access day spent with a good friend, behind the scenes and in the thick of things. A unique and likely once in a lifetime experience. http://willienelson.com/

10/2 Ahi, Chloe Beth – Disappointing attendance created an opportunity for an even more intimate and special performance from Ahi. It also gave me the opportunity to finally catch local songstress, Chloe -Beth. https://ahimusic.com/ , https://www.chloebethmusic.com/

11/17 Drive-By Truckers – My return to the ROCK SHOW. It’s good to be back. https://www.drivebytruckers.com/

10/24 Jesse Malin, Diane Gentile – Malin’s album “Sunset Kids” just missed making my top 10 for 2020. A night of Malin’s NY swagger and catchy hooks, as well the equal confidence of Diane Gentile whose songs, Little Steven Van Zandt considers some of the “coolest in the world”.  Like Malin’s album, Gentile’s EP “Little Things” counts as an AOY honorable mention  too. https://www.jessemalin.com/ , https://www.dianegentile.com/

Review: 50 Years of Chasing the Magic: 2019’s Music in Review @bstrings1 @lostdogstband @oberst_mike @loscoast @derekandsusan @malfordm @tedrussellkamp @allisonmoorer @johnpaulwhite @tanya_tucker @glen_hansard @woodyfest #americanmusic What a year of music it was in 2019. In fact, I'd say it was one of the best I've ever experienced.

[megantodd2415-blog]

Project 4: Research

https://www.aiga.org/medalist-ruth-ansel-2016

-Co-Art Director of Harpers Bazaar in the 60s

-Art director of the NYT Magazine beginning in 1974

-Vanity Fair reinvention in the 1984; Living record of the HOllywood obsessed go-go 80s

-1983: revamped house & garden

-Rock n Roll Flair

-“Showed us how magazines, at their best, are a vital visual record, a time stamp for an entire age”

-“Magazines give you an idea of what it was like to be alive at a certain time”-Ansel

-Work with the best people+white space+ let it happen

-Grew up in the bronx

-Loved movies

-Graduated from Alfred University in Western NY with a BFA in ceramic design

-Began at Columbia records under Bob Cato

-Married to Bob Gill; Who introduced her to “NY Design Mafia”: George Lois, Robert Brownjohn, Saul Bass, and Ivan Chermayeff

-Travelled Europe after marriage to Bob Gill

-1961: moved to NY to work with Henry Wolf at Harpers Bazaar; Got hired by Marvin Israel even though she had NO experience; No cliches to unlearn; Taught herself to develop a critical eye, “to be curious seven days a week”

-“Magazines were the closest thing I could find to films”

-“Child of the moment”

-Must be brilliant and be able to execute the brilliant

-Became co-art director with bea feitler after Israel was fired; She was in her 20s; Helped to forge a revolutionary new direction for harper bazarr; Conceptual photography + pop art + street fashion + rock music + film

-In motion, dark, intelligent, introverted, beautiful

-1990s: formed her own studio and designed monographs and began a highly productive collaboration with Tim Walker

-Design wall graphics in 2012 for a London exhibition organied around the publication of Storyteller

-Simple design; Effortless

-Four rules: Provoke something new, Inform yourself and be sensitive to the culture around you, bring it into your work (Constantly be changing and evolving), Entertain your audience (Juxtaposition), Inspire others and get out of the way

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ruth_Ansel

-1960s: Harper's bazaar co-art director (1963); 1965 Iconic cover of Jean Shrimpton

-1970s: NYT (1974), House & Garden (1983), Vanity Fair (1984 as Art Director), & Vogue art director

-1957: began working under Bob Cato at Columbia Records

-1992 opened her own design studio where she still creates today: Dark Odyssey by Phillip Jones Griffiths, The Sixties by Richard Avedon, Women & the white oak dance project by annie leibovitz, Ad campaigns for versace, club monaco, and karl lagerfeld, Jerry schatzberg photography book, Elsa peretti the life and and work

-In 2009 she presented her work at moderna museet in stockholm sweden

-Hall of Femmes: Ruth Ansel

-2011 received art directors club hall of fame award

-Art directors club: gold medal for design in 1970

-AIGA Medalist in 2016

-Design award for continuing excellence in publication design by the society of publication

https://books.google.com/books?id=dILVaYXKT30C&pg=PT7&dq=ruth+ansel&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj79dOD0MfSAhVjqVQKHT55CA84ChDoAQgjMAI#v=onepage&q=ruth%20ansel&f=false

-Art director, designer, and lecturer

-Created the film titles for the cult film: My dinner with andre

-Designed alice and wonderland, the end of the game by peter beard, dark odyssey by philip jones griffiths, the sixties by richard avedon, women and the white oak dance project by annie leibovitz, monograph for taschen by peter beard, ad campaigns for versace, club monaco, and karl lagerfeld, monograph of the work by Denis Piel for Rizzoli

https://www.revolvy.com/page/Ruth-Ansel

-One of the first females to hold art director positions

http://halloffemmes.com/category/ruth-ansel/

-Grand

-Private (purposely publishes fake emails so people can’t reach her)

-Lives in Manhattan's upper west side; Black clothes, mary janes, a big orange watch, and a turquoise ring

-Pop art, street fashion, rock & roll music & film

-Born in the bronx in the 30s, her father was in the china import business and her mom ran a small lingerie shop

-Always interested in movies and art; BFFs with Nina castelli, daughter of leo castelli and ileana sonnabend; Spent summer in East Hamptons where she got to see William de kooning paint his woman series, meet jackson pollock and larry rivers at dinners, saw her first ballet, robert rauschenberg and Picasso exhibitions

-Earned a bachelor of fine arts in ceramic design from alfred university

-Briefly married and moved to France to look for adventure, but after 8 months she ran out of money; Never felt that she was taken seriously

https://vimeo.com/32518855

-Movies as an escape; Narrative, visual, invention, entering other peoples lives and words

-“Responding to what’s going on out there”

-Magazine: entertainment + information + inspiration; Lucky to begin at a great magazine; Harpers bazarr best accident to happen in her life; Drawn to the cultural magazine

-Must be curious and have curiosity

-Learn by watching

-Influenced mostly by picasso and Matisse; Imitations - but never near there talent; Genius; Brilliance

-Great work of art: moving

-April 1965 Avedon up and pop issue - avedon guest edited - influential issue of its time, exploration of the moon; Understood what was happening socially in the world; First woman astronaut

-Do your work and you move on, you do what’s important to you; There are always great women artists and designers, that fall through the cracks the higher up they go

-NYT: wanted to respond to what was going on in the world, better care about things other than art; Also admired the NYT; Women treated shabbily - women subjects; Sexual harassment - continued with her work

https://www.printmag.com/interviews/ruth-ansel-2016-aiga-medalist/

-Telling stories through pictures

-Fired from harpers bazar

-“Not taking a risk would lead me to a safe place that would hold fewer creative challenges. And pretty soon you’re repeating yourself, and you’re no good at all”

-Culture

-“Find out who you ar. Hold on to your passions and dig deep while trusting your instincts. Step outside of what is expected. Embrace accidents and know that eventually you will discover the perfect solution to a creative dilemma and be very joyous while doing it. Understanding the changing dynamics of what’s happening the world today allows you to dare”

-“Who dares wins!” - Zaha Hadid

-BOLD

-Gives back

https://www.phillips.com/article/6005714/an-influential-vision-the-collection-of-ruth-ansel

-“On a short list of the strong, incomparable art directors” with whom Avedon worked with

https://vimeo.com/119453929

-Your perceptions grow and change throughout time; So does culture

-“There are bridges between art and design”

-Continuity, love of craft and invention, privilege of collaborating

-“What a graphic designer does, is not so great historically”; “What I do becomes an instant part of the popular culture and my working language can influence if not direct, for better or worse the contemporary visual landscape”; “You see the moment more clearly, and change is what you reflect, but if the design team is strong, then the image can become the content itself, it tells the story”

-Believes in the image desperately

-Continuously develop a style and modify an image; Which is likely never how you pictured it

-Design Philosophy?; None; I just indicate a sense of direction and believe in my team and trust them, I just guide

-Eclectic: fascinated with everything

-Magpie Aesthetic

-Critical Eye is important

-Must demand the highest level of artistry

-Simple design that appears effortless

-Incredibly influenced by the movies

-Never did a magazine twice

-Magazines: tell stories; Great magazines appeal to your imagination and transport you; Reinvent yourself; To be like the people on the pages or be apart of the beautiful world

-“Magazines are the mirrors of social history”

-“Without the basis of loving what you’re doing, you aren’t going to get too far”

-Provoke, Inform, entertain, inspire; Above all else; Foundation

-“What can we do that reflects what’s happening in the time we’re in”

-Illusion: there is no reality, it is our projection of reality

-Shock

-Thinking outside the box

-Lasting design

-Breaking rules

-Women focused, but not looking down on them, for smart women

-“A photograph is mutable, it’s changeable… we live, we die, it is about remembering, it’s about being here, it’s about marking our existence”

-“Bring those moments into view for readers”

-Big advocate of how things were done in the past, layouts done by hand, reshoots

-Advocate of women

-Tried to make the covers of NYT Magazine as posters

-COLLABORATION

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/bazaar-art/news/a38138/bazaar-flashback-ruth-ansel/

-A key figure in shaping magazine design as we know it

-“Photography is a metaphor for all our experiences, and in the hands of passionate individuals, it can heighten them. The photograph is history”

https://www.harpersbazaar.com/fashion/photography/g4597/ruth-ansel-daring-moments/

Most memorable pages at Harper Bazaar

-Space Girl

-Out of this world

-Mercury rising

-King of cool  

-Having A Ball

-Fashion Flasher

-Team Spirit

-Vroooom

-Power Stripes

-Going Dotty

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/561eaed4e4b09058780f2ad8/t/5629664ce4b0b0d8bdbd5518/1445553740889/Ruth+Ansel.pdf

-Married, divorced, went to europe, failed to create film titles and ran out of money, then moved home and worked for magazines, because why not

-Landed at bazaar by calling them and asking for a job - cold called

-New editor=fired

-“I hate deadlines and I am lazy”

-“I had to be tuned in to what was going on. I was hardly ever turned down”

-“Books, fashion campaigns, identities, branding”

-“A magazine is supposed to reflect, like a mirror, the time we live in, and if it’s a good magazine, it reflects it provocatively. That’s what we did.”

-“I’ve always been more interested in attracting attention to the page than bringing attention to myself”

http://www.indexmagazine.com/interviews/ruth_ansel.shtml

-Began at harpers bazaar in 1961

-Inspired by coworkers marvin israel, dick avedon, diana vreeland

-“Touched by brilliance”

-Girls given the chance because it was a girls magazine

-Speaking about the NYT: “Personalizing the story was the key, for me… You want to create impact with an image. My goal was always to exist subliminally, so that the reader would think, “this is a great photograph””

-“The important ingredients are the right editor, the right idea, and the right team at the right time”

-“It’s all fiction in one form or another”

https://cultureofdesign.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/ruth-ansel-sandra-alvarez/

-One of the most important female voices in the graphic and product design industry

-Clean and modern work

-Modern and elegant, approachable to youth

-Empowerment women at the decade

-Being the first women and creating the stories she did

-“Used art, photojournalism, and graphic design as tools to open doors and to break with the standards that were established”

-“Jean shrimpton that came to the planet’s rescue, in a metaphor to empower women as a reckoned force in the sixties

-Woman: “in motion, a dark, intelligent, introverted, beautiful woman”

-Attention to detail and hand on approach

-Wit

-Fun

-Special energy

-Inspired

-Collaborator

-“Designing a magazine is a little like designing a face. No two faces are alike but each has the same essential structure- two eyes, a nose, and a mouth. Each magazine, even each advertising campaign, pretty much has the same ingredients. Whether it’s fashion, beauty and accessories, or home, architecture and lifestyle, what you must do is constantly rearrange and reinvent the relationships, pay attention to the content and context, pay attention to the time you live in, pay attention to what is newly creative and who is creating it. If you do that it will work and live on as good design”

https://www.annenbergspaceforphotography.org/video/ruth-ansel-conversation/

-You want to do things that haven’t been done before, that are out there, that might not be accepted

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgf-aUKwo5k

-Figured she would find a man and get married

-Wanted to work at the most sophisticated fashion magazine at the time

-Paris > NY was a major shift (avant garde > NY)

-Image was king (Harpers) > Word was King (NYT)

-Wasn’t treated as an equal, no woman was

-Right photographer is the key

-Must be of your time to capture what’s going on

-Looking for an education

-“Went where my instincts led me”

[themusicenthusiast]

Friday, August 24th, 2018 – Heart of the City’s First Album Release Show Sees Them Unleashing Their Supercharged Soul on a Packed Trees

A ton of work goes into making an album, from the initial writing process to recording those songs that arise from that and the subsequent post process that ensures everything is perfect. That the resulting creation is reflective of what the artists want the listener to get out of the experience of listening to it. Heart of the City had put all of that time in and then some, and on this Friday night they were getting back to the historic Deep Ellum area of Dallas for the first of three planned album release shows to celebrate the fruits of their intense labor. The iconic Trees was hosting the outfit. A band comprised of veteran musicians with a vast array of experience, they’ve managed to carve out a sound that simultaneously unique and familiar. And in celebration of this milestone moment they had assembled a bill that was every bit as eclectic as they are. The show had a little bit of everything (or at least most of it), beginning with Trees Marie and the Heavy Hearts. They were a last minute addition to the show, filling one of the support slots that had rotated between a few other acts, and luckily none of those other artists were able to make this date work. Marie and company were the perfect band to set this night in motion, coming out swinging, making it look as if their entire reputation hinged on this show and it not only going well but being stellar.

Kinetic. That would be an appropriate word to describe them, the quartet being on fire from the start and only raising the intensity with each song. Parts country and Americana, they also relied heavily on some rock ‘n’ roll elements, at least in regards to the primal power that fueled their high-energy performance and brought out the best of Marie’s powerhouse voice. They had some fans out but also caught the attention of quite a few new listeners as they performed some cuts off their first LP as well as the newly released Ramblin’ Queen, getting this extraordinary night off to an impressive start. The KuL brought the rock, splicing it with anything from funk to blues, all while including that brash demeanor that defines punk. Within a few songs they were firing on all cylinders, proving to be an indomitable force as they churned out one massive song after another. They weren’t all about pulse pounding action, though, reining it in for a time with one number as they offered a glimpse at their softer side, which was still every bit as thrilling as the blistering rock ‘n’ roll they excelled at. The KuL is one of those bands that amazes you every time you see them. Personally, I haven’t caught them often, though they make a lasting impression, and every time I wind up seeing them again they seem even better than before. They’re one band that thrives on a connection with an audience, and even though they didn’t have quite the crowd they deserved this night, their mission was still to make everyone feel something and they worked tirelessly to create that kind of bond with those who were glued to what was unfolding on the stage in front of them. While technically headlining the event, Heart of the City took the (highly coveted) next to last slot on the bill, meaning they hit the stage at the prime time of 10:58, ready for what was almost certain to be their best show to date. After all, it was representative of much blood, sweat and tears; the group looking ready and determined once the curtain opened on them. They certainly made a bold entrance, the lead single from Heart of the City and their standard opener, “The River”, sounding impeccable. There was so much power packed into not only the most striking moments of it but also all of the fine nuances that their music is teeming with. Marveling at them was the only option available and it was something the throng of supporters that had packed Trees by that time did; Paco Estrada motioning with a hand at one point, mimicking a winding river as he sang, while Joshua Wayne Billingsley downright killed it. The trumpet defines the soulful, funky blend of rock they’ve crafted, and right away he put all of the heart he could muster into it. It was clear they meant business and aimed to entertain more thoroughly than ever before. After a quick greeting, Richard Panter launched them into “Dancing With the Devil”, the steady, forceful beat of the kick drum resonating well within those hallowed walls, bolstering the hypnotic quality of the track. And already taking some liberties with it, allowing the live versions to stand apart from the recording, Estrada channeled some more soul as he delivered the second verse; bassist Brandon Callies and guitarist Zach Arrington finding their groove and owning it during that one. Those two really worked off one another’s energy, having fun while still balancing the professionalism that is required. A new addition who hasn’t logged much time on stage with these guys yet, Arrington already looked as if performing these songs was second nature to him. Thus, he was able to focus more on his performance and entertaining; the additional guitar doing a great deal to expand upon an enrich the bands’ sound. Considering this was their CD release show, it only seemed right that Heart of the City pull out all the stops, which in this case meant enlisting the help of a few guest vocalists. Namely the same ones who appear on the record, such as Stanley Francisko of Cure for Paranoia. The hip-hop vocalist/singer was welcomed to the stage for “Don’t Go”, adding a whole new dynamic to it. He and Estrada found an excellent rhythm as they swapped out parts, ultimately co-singing the piece, the former’s smooth, rapid-fire delivery and the rich, soulful voice Estrada wields yielding something intoxicating. They had more of that planned, though the next individual was preoccupied at that time, forcing them to carry on with their set, busting out what was likely to be their lone cover of the night, along with “End of Suffering”, with earned one of the strongest reactions yet from the onlookers. They were exceptionally cohesive as they knocked out that emotive song; the harmonies that Estrada and Callies struck up sounding amazing. By that time another member of Cure for Paranoia was on hand, Cameron McCloud ready to lend his talents to a personal tale he noted he had co-written with Estrada. “Depression” provided one of the most powerful moments of their 62-minute long set, the downtrodden mood it casts being mesmerizing, the honesty of the lyrics doing all it can to convey what it’s like to suffer from extended periods of depression and other mental disorders. McCloud only had a few parts where he got to really take control, though he was instrumental in the song achieving its full authenticity, and brought another dominate presence to the stage. “Thank you for being here, and your time and your patience,” Estrada said a couple tracks later. “Paco dressed up for you tonight!” Callies then quipped, speaking of the sharply dressed frontman and guitarist. “These are my church clothes,” he responded. That was about the longest conversation they had this night and it was nice because it did provide some subtle laughs, though it was the music that did most of the conversing for them. And it spoke to the soul. “Waiting” and “Cruel” were two shining examples of that, and quite possibly stood out as the strongest songs Heart of the City performed this night. The first of those brought Taylor Autry and his abilities on the keys into the spotlight as he guided the ethereal and optimistic piece along, while the latter served as a testament that perspective is key, and no matter how trying life may get, “…love can make it beautiful”. Each number struck more of a chord than the last and imparted some sort of knowledge on the spectators, right up through the spirited, Motown-esque “Stash” that lead to a massive finish. “You made our year!” That was the remark Callies had made in advance of that closer, and as they surveyed the enthusiastic fans the six of them appeared elated by what this night had brought. It was an outpouring of love for them and the record they had released into the world, and they were delighted by the fact that they had made it memorable for everyone, that much was evident as they took it all in. The audience wasn’t prepared for that to be it, though. Initially confined to just a few people, chants for an encore quickly spread and became near impossible to ignore. Estrada still tried to brush them off, though. “I think we have a schedule to keep,” he stated, soon checking with the sound guy who gave them the go ahead for one more. They had to dig into their collection of covers for it, pulling out Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)”, a song they’ve made into their own. That was the perfect end to the set, not just the song but the act of being requested to do an encore. It thrilled them, Callies and Arrington seen beaming during their final moments on stage. Right out of the gate Heart of the City exuded a confidence that only grew as they settled more into a groove. They were a machine, precise and absolutely in tune with one another, making them a robust force, yet each of them operated well separately, too, bringing their own flares to the overall chemistry they demonstrated. This impressive collective of exceptionally talented musicians was in rare form this night. That can surely be attributed to the excitement of the occasion as well as the legendary stage they were gracing, both aspects helping to fuel their drive, allowing them to put on this astounding performance at Trees. This soulful, R&B blend they’ve devised and dubbed “supercharged soul” is so unique and stunning. It plays well to their abilities as musicians, showcasing something new in each of them that hasn’t been glimpsed at in their previous endeavors; and for Estrada, known for his impassioned nature as a singer, it allows him to somehow pour even more himself into the music. The celebration of the release of Heart of the City will continue on August 31st and September 1st, at Hole in the Wall in Austin, TX and Continental Club in Houston, TX, respectively. For those unable to make it to one of those, vinyl copies of the record can be purchased from Hand Drawn Records. And if you do a little searching, you might find it on digital retailers as well. Francisko and McCloud probably would have made appearances regardless, though they were on hand because Cure for Paranoia was set to close Trees down, the soulful hip-hop collective hitting the stage around 12:30 with plenty of eyes glued to them. McCloud and Francisko handled working over the crowd, while Jay Analog and Tomahawk Jonez provided the programming; the group covering a lot of territory during their first few songs alone, including getting political for a brief time, and they even touched on social elements in the country at the moment. Like any good hip-hop act, they’re using their station to call attention to some important issues, though they’re also armed with plenty of material that’s more about life in general and enjoying it; Cure for Paranoia providing an engaging and fun performance to cap off the show as they tackled plenty of cuts from their self-titled release and then some. From start to finish it had been quite a night. Personally, it was nice hearing several bands that were so drastically different from one another, each bringing something different to the table, though all were top tier acts when it came to delivering an engrossing performance. And on somewhat of a related noted, Estrada proved himself one of the few people in the D-FW music scene capable of packing out Trees two weeks in a row after appearing on stage there the Friday before with his rock band. Heart of the City Set List: 1) “The River” 2) “Dancing With the Devil” 3) “The Lover” 4) “Don’t Go” 5) “If I Ever Fall in Love” (Shai cover) 6) “End of Suffering” 7) “Depression” 8) “The Silver Line” 9) “Call Me” 10) “Waiting” 11) “When the Lights Go Down” 12) “Cruel” 13) “Stash” 14) “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)” (Eurythmics cover)

#Heart of the City #Heart of the City 2018 #Heart of the City Dallas #Heart of the City The Music Enthusiast #Heart of the City Review #Heart of the City Live Review #Heart of the City Show Review #Heart of the City Concert Review #The Music Enthusiast #2018 #Dallas #Texas #DFW #Deep Ellum #Trees #Trees Dallas #Dallas Music Blog #Texas Music Blog #Brandon Callies #Paco Estrada #Taylor Autry #Zach Arrington #Richard Panter #Joshua Wayne Billingsley #Trees Marie and the Heavy Hearts #The KuL #Cure for Paranoia #Music #Enthusiast #Review