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nanagoswife · 3 years

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Noticing You, Noticing Me

Chapter Six

Summary: Reader and Obi-Wan begin the writing of the letters. Throughout the passing months, there's significant moments that neither of them forget...

W/C: 3.3k

Warnings: angst, mention of passed away parent

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The first letter from Obi-Wan came in two days after he had left. At the time, you were walking with Anakin as he was in between meetings. He may have been the one who’d prefer managing the troops, but he could more than hold his own when it came to politics.

Anakin gave you a teasing smirk as the messenger handed you the letter. “Is it from your boyfriend?” he said while playfully nudging his shoulder into yours.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t keep yourself from smiling.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my… friend.”

Your brother looked at you disbelievingly. “I don’t think you can call someone just a ‘friend’ when you two nearly kissed. Twice.”

Shock filled you. Your eyes widened as you whipped your head to look at him.

“Oh yes. Did you really think Varlo would keep that a secret? Or Padmé?”

Embarrassment filled you. You weren’t surprised about Padmé. Her and Anakin were a couple. What confused you was Varlo telling Anakin about the night at the ball. He seemed like he didn’t care, so you thought he would keep quiet.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you stammered.

It caused Anakin to laugh. “It’s fine, sis. I’m happy for you. Prince Kenobi is a good man. Besides, mom and dad seem to even like him.”

You felt your embarrassment change to happiness. “Really?”

“Really,” he said with a soft smile. “I’ll let you get to reading. I’m due for an appointment with Sir Fisto.”

The two of you said your goodbyes before you made your way to the gardens. You once thought that your spot on the bench under your favourite tree was special before, but not like now. Now it was where you and Obi-Wan had spent most of your time together. It was where he held your hand as he comforted you.

When you sat down, you wasted no time. As you read the first words, you smiled.

My darling,

I hope that your world at home has felt just that little bit brighter since those days as it has for me. Commander Cody has noticed a change in me, and I am proud to say I know why.

Despite this, I miss you as every second passes. As I promised, I will find a way to visit you again. The moment I know of a day, I will write you immediately to tell you. Who knows? Maybe I’ll know when I’ll be able to see you next in the next few weeks.

Anyways, my dear, I hope you are well and I wait in anticipation to see your first letter. The thought of hearing your thoughts again excites me. Especially if you have any stories from your villages left. I would be more than delighted to hear about the little younglings that vie for your attention.

May this find you well and that you haven’t forgotten me in these days. It would be truly heartbreaking if it were so.

Yours,

Obi-Wan Kenobi

You couldn’t get to your room fast enough. It was the only place that you could think of that had a quill and ink and, most of all, privacy. Elation filled you with each quick step you took.

The letter may not have been long, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he missed you just as you missed him. Not only that, but he wants to hear more stories. Perhaps you’ll send him a few. Or would that be too much?

In the end, it didn’t matter. If you knew him, he wouldn’t mind. He’d probably say he’d rather more than less.

So, you took your quill in hand for your reply. Starting off, after saying that you missed him as well and that you felt the same, about his remark about children being ‘younglings’. It was the most adorable thing in the world to you. You only wished that he had called them that when he was still here.

And that’s how it began. The two of you wrote each other every day. His letters would always arrive early in the day, and you would write a response just as quickly. This went on for five months.

Some were simply just the two of you conversing back and forth. Others… Well, others were most purely love letters. They were always mainly from Obi-Wan’s end. His way with words was a lot more elegant than yours. Yet he would always let you know that your insecurities were unfounded.

It was always sweet when he made sure that you weren’t being stupid or that you were doing something wrong. Most of all, he helped you through a new transition.

As the days went on, more and more people started paying attention to you. After all of these years, people were finally seeing the work you did for your kingdom. Hardly anyone was using you as a gateway to your brothers. They were truly coming to you!

When you had told Obi-Wan, he was so proud of you. He said how much you deserved the recognition. You had asked if it was his doing but he swore it wasn’t. He may have told a few people about you but he didn’t push them to learn more about what you do.

Padmé, other than Obi-Wan of course, was your biggest supporter. She would rave about how popular you were getting.

Yes, you may be getting popular. Some would say even more than your brothers. Though, a small part of you wished that you could go back to the way it was before. You wanted to go back to the days that only Obi-Wan noticed you.

You had confided in him one day about it. He had written in response: My darling, I understand how you feel. Unfortunately things like this will change. I do apologize if it were due to me, but just think. Maybe this will benefit you in the future. Just think, if you needed assistance in aiding a village or town, you have people who know what you do that would want to help. I hope that you realize how good this could be later on just as I do. If not, then there may be a way to get it closer to how it used to be. Either way, my dear, I hope this makes you feel better.

In truth, it had made you feel better. It made you look at the true benefits your newfound popularity had. Not only that, but it didn’t affect your life as much as you had thought at first. It was just new.

Now, one thing that happened a few times were days that you missed him. Those days it took over your thoughts to the point where you hardly left your room. It usually lasted for a few days and Obi-Wan was always there to talk you through it.

There was one string of days where both of you were in the same slump. Those were some of the deepest conversations you had ever had with each other. Whether it was saying how much the two of you cared for the other, or if you were telling each other about your darkest thoughts.

Obi-Wan had sent this one specific detail that had you simultaneously wishing you were with him and at least glad that he felt he could also confide in you. It was: Sometimes I think of my mother during days like this. I think of how I wish she were still here, to hear her say how happy she is that I found you. I do really believe that she would’ve loved you. And it’s days like this that I miss her the most. It’s days like this where I miss you. Days that I long for your gentle touch against my cheek. Wishing that I could hold you in my arms as we finally have the kiss that never happened. Honestly, darling, I exceedingly wish to be with you during these days and I wish I have found the time to come to you. But this time will still unfortunately have to wait to my dismay.

Forever yours,

Obi

Despite how strongly you agreed with Obi-Wan in that letter, you couldn’t help but feel a warm, bubbly sensation in his signature. You had started calling him Obi in your letters fairly early on. Other than that, him saying forever yours was something he had only recently started saying at the time. It made you smile each and every time.

For him to address himself by your nickname, though, made your heart flutter.

When you had written back, you consoled him when it came to his mother. From what you have told me, she sounds like an amazing woman. I would’ve loved her right back if we had the privilege to meet. As for being in your arms, I also deeply wish to be back there. Each ghosting touch and the feel of your hand in mine makes me yearn to feel it again. I yearn to fully feel the press of your lips to mine rather than a light graze or pressed against my knuckles. I will look forward to the day we meet again.

Your darling,

Y/N

Of those days, they weren’t the deepest of them all, but they were up there. After that, the dark spell of days was shared only ever briefly. Mainly switching between the both of you, each comforting the other as the longing to see the other grew with each passing day.

One day, he had written something that had you puzzled, yet feeling excited. The line was: We will see each other sooner than you know, my dear.

“Varlo, may I ask you something?”

He gave you a mischievous smirk, “I think that just was one.”

You rolled your eyes. “Do you know if anyone is scheduled to visit in the next week?”

Varlo looked off in the distance as he thought. “Other than the people that now only want to talk to you, no. Not that I know of. Why?”

“No reason,” you said, looking back down at the letter. Could he have possibly found a time where he could come back? It would make sense as he didn’t truly tell you that. He probably wanted to make sure he actually could before telling you.

Either way, you wrote your normal reply. Adding in details about how this amazing festival in Naboo was happening in a few days. It was called the Festival of Light and it was something you had always attended. Whether it was because Padmé wanted you there or if you went on your own, it didn’t matter. Other than Anakin, you were usually the only one in your family to go.

You wished that Obi-Wan could see it. It was such a beautiful festival. Your favourite part was the first night where lanterns would be released in the sky. They all floated until they looked like stars themselves, lifting everyone’s dreams in hopes that they will be met.

It was wonderful. What a sight it was to see all of those lanterns become stars. You always had thought that Padmé’s father was a genius to start this tradition. The tradition was well received the minute it was introduced. Although it started before you were born, you had known it all your life. You attended it all your life. Now you wish you could attend it with the one you wished to be with all your life.

That would just have to wait.

“I thought you were supposed to be meeting with General Yoda?” you asked Anakin who had his arm linked with Padmé’s. She giggled as Anakin pretended to ponder what you said.

“I was supposed to. A more important matter came up though,” he said with a playful tone. His smirk was a mischievous one as he caught a glance at your friend.

Confusion filled you. What could be more important than a meeting with the high general? With the way he looked at Padmé, though, you assumed that may be the reason. Everyone knew he would drop everything for her.

Anakin looked over at you and you must not have been hiding your confusion as well as you thought you were. To the best of his ability, he nudged his elbow into your arm.

“What? Can I not just spend time with my little sis and my beautiful wife-to-be?”

You rolled your eyes as Padmé spoke, “You mean even more time than you do already?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. It was true. He was almost always with one of you or Varlo. If you tried to separate Anakin from the ones he loved, or at least tolerated, he would have a fit. He craved attention and companionship and you didn’t blame him. It was something that you never knew you needed until you met Obi-Wan.

“Ok, one question you can’t try and dodge, where are we going?”

“Well, you see, sis, that is another question I will dodge. You know why?” You shook your head. He leaned closer whispering, “It doesn’t matter.”

You groaned, slapping your hand against your forehead causing your friend to break into a fit of laughter. All you wanted to know was what he had planned. There had to be something if he no longer was meeting with General Yoda. No one just stood up the man either. Yoda may be a wise and calm man, but he could easily take you down any day. Whether that be physically or verbally.

“Why do you so badly want to know anyways?” Anakin asked. This time sounding genuinely interested.

“No one just reschedules with General Yoda. Especially not you so I’m curious as to the change of plans that involves both Padmé and I.”

Anakin actually seemed shocked by what you said. Almost as if he actually hadn’t thought of an answer to a statement like that. So, he was silent for a few moments. That was, before he finally came up with, “You’ll see.”

Now you were more confused than ever. Was he setting up something with Varlo? Was this all going to be a trick? It wouldn’t be the first and it definitely wouldn’t be the last. Or maybe it was a new person that wanted to meet you.

Thanks to Obi-Wan’s words, you had grown used to constant meetings with people who wanted to ask you about what you do. There were some who asked what was going on between you and Obi-Wan, but those questions usually didn’t last.

You knew there were rumours that people thought the two of you were an item, which was true, but some were disconcerting. Some had thought that he was taking advantage of you for power gain. Others had painted your family in a dark light, saying that they were using you as a way to gain more allies rather than caring about you.

Thankfully, those rumours were rather rare to come across. Plus, Obi-Wan had always told you how they didn’t matter. The two of you found each other, and chose each other on your own. Not because of any outside influence or any ulterior motives.

Your thoughts were racing, unable to settle on one possible answer to what Anakin had planned. You would’ve said Padmé hadn’t known either, if it weren’t for her ultimate calmness. If she were as confused as you, she wouldn’t be as composed or… excited as she seemed to be.

Those racing thoughts were put on hold as your journey led you to the gardens. The sights never failed to put your mind at ease. Now was no exception.

Usually you would come here to read Obi-Wan’s letters. It was free of crowds, leaving you in privacy as you looked over the beautiful handwriting. For a time, you had even kept a satchel that held all of his letters in the garden. That didn’t last long as one day Varlo found them.

In his usual annoying ways, you had to fight to get them back. He teased you, positioning them out of reach until he was done with his entertainment. It was something he did often, lately. Teasing you or playing jokes that would often go too far. A small part of you wondered if it were because he was slowly taking up the role you once held. You hated to see that people no longer seemed interested in Varlo��s political accomplishments. Yet, he didn’t need to take it out on you.

So, the letters had found a different place. A place where Varlo couldn’t find them and hide them and a place that should’ve seemed like a no brainer from the start. Your bedroom.

Even so, the garden was where you would read them. Sometimes you would even write your letters on that bench under the tree.

As the three of you walked through, you listened to the conversation your brother and friend were having. They really were a cute couple, no matter how much you teased them. Listening to them talk only proved this.

The closer you got to the tree, the more you saw excitement grow in both of them even as they seemed to be normally conversing. Now you knew something was up. What kind of plan could Anakin come up with that got them so excited, but never tell you? You thought you were used to being a third wheel before, but this was amplified.

You let it go. It’s not like this was the first time something similar has happened. With that being said, you took a slight lead ahead of the two. A small part of you was hoping that, as soon as you got to the tree bench, you could stay there. That way you could feel close to Obi-Wan although you weren’t.

Continuing on your path, you noticed that Anakin and Padmé were drawing further and further back. Were you walking that quickly, or did they slow down without you realizing. With all of that considered, you just shrugged and kept going. If they wanted to catch up they would tell you.

There was one last corner to turn before you would finally be able to seek some peace.

When you turned the corner, you froze. Were you seeing right? Was this even possible? You turned to look at the other two, but they weren’t there. Was this what they were so excited about? It had to be. Why else would they now have up and disappeared right as you arrive here.

Obi-Wan stood from the bench, facing you with a smile that you could tell he was trying to contain. He still looked just as handsome as the day he had left. The outfit he was wearing was similar to the one he wore at the ball, but much more toned down and casual. Well, casual for royalty anyways.

Tears were building as you smiled bigger than you ever thought you could.

“Obi!” you exclaimed as you could no longer hold back. You ran to him, crashing into his outstretched arms. The feeling of them coming around your back and pulling you in close was enough to make you start sobbing.

“Hello there, darling,” he whispered into your hair. Gently he rubbed your back as he slowly swayed from side to side, refusing to let you go. Even if he did, you wouldn’t.

As you buried your face into his chest you smelled the hint of cinnamon that was mixed with just him.

“I missed you,” you mutter into his chest.

“I missed you too. With all of my being,” he said, making your heart flutter. There were days you never thought you would hear his beautiful voice ever again. You no longer had to worry about that. He was here, holding you as tightly as you were him.

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@stardancerluv @where-fantasy-meets-reality @jaydenwoo @madmax2003 @mackycat11 @generousrunawaydonut @imabeautifulbutterfly @animalgirl05 @blondekel77 @cosmicsierra @badbatch-simp24

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nevertheless-moving · 3 years

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thanks again to @dykerory and @willowcrowned for this genius au. this is an incomplete collection of very specific set of headcanons/daydreams i had about a tangential version of your au that made me emotional in the middle of the woods. whenever you feel the time is right, i’m very eager to hear your og version on the ‘but obi-wan, tho!’, because i admittedly pushed this one’s resolution really far chronologically because i wanted batman to be involved.

continuation from here

note: my understanding of dcu is as sporadically informed as my understanding of the gffa.

newly graduated clark kent gets his first journalism job and starts settling more and more into the superman thing. the rest of the justice league has been around but his entrance onto the scene is the one that really inspires the various heroes to actually start coordinating to deal with the weirdness magnet that is dcu Earth. Clark is in his early 20s. Anakin is in his late 30s.

He’s been living on Earth, without the force, for nearly 2/3rds of his life. He has a close knit circle of friends who were kind to him even when they thought he was just a weird and crazy emo cult victim (the gradual increase of public encounters with aliens and superpowers sparks some awkward apologies, Anakin at 38 just waves his friends off, smiling and changing the subject, neither confirming nor denying his high school ramblings of spaceships and magic. it doesn’t really change anything).

He lives an hour’s drive from smallville, and runs a successful auto shop. people travel from pretty far to check out some of his more wild and specialized motorcycle abominations. makes enough money selling them to rich idiots to fund his free auto-class and auto-repair programs for impoverished communities.

It took a while but he eventually came around to the idea of helping people without physical force (ironically, this is happening around the same time Clark is coming to the realization that he can help people with physical force). Generally respected as a pillar of the community. When people start to realize how profoundly weird he is as a person in a number of inexplicable ways, someone will generally pull them aside and quietly whisper that he was in a cult at a child, no one really knows much about it except that it’s what inspired his anti-modern-slavery work, which is a little telling. Not married. Was in a long-term relationship for like 9 years. It didn’t end well but no-one knows the details.

Has several cats.

He’s- wistful but settled. He’s been through a lot of therapy. He meditates every morning and night, clearing his mind and examining his emotions in the way Obi-Wan taught him. He thinks Obi-Wan would be proud of him. He know his Mom would be.

Once he gets used to the idea, he never really stops loving the concept of learning just because. Duel bachelors degree in in african american history and american literature, masters in engineering, masters in astrophysics a phd in theoretical physics, another phd in medieval folklore. He’s worked a lot of jobs.

He was already pretty well versed in astronavigation back at the temple. Over the course of his time on earth, he gets more educated in earth astronomy and physics. With is increased knowledge, his theory for ‘how did i get here’ shifts from slight hyperdrive miscalculation, to big hyperdrive miscalculation, to some sort of hyperlane incident. he realizes that none of the stars he knows are familiar in any NASA database. He must be beyond wildspace, which helps him let go of the last bit of hurt he felt that Obi-Wan never found him.

Then he really learns physics- and- light doesn’t exactly work like that right? He thought it was just primitive Earth understanding but... he gets a phd more or less accidentally, trying and failing to disprove that the speed of life is constant constant.

Get’s another even more accidentally, explaining how alternate universes might form if we assume slightly different universal constants. He publishes his thesis anonymously around the same time metas are becoming a household term, and at least one science journalist speculates on it and how alternate universes might explain the increasing prevalence of wildly different superpowers. He doesn’t claim credit for the honorary diploma awarded to the unknown theorist- he doesn’t want to risk drawing any attention to him and by extension Clark, who’s alien differences are far more of the ‘military experiment interesting’ variety then his.

He stops tinkering with Clark’s ship. He finally gets how it works. Now that he realizes how FTL travel has to work in this universe, tinkering with the mechanical generation and harnessing of the massive quantities of energy necessary to do is startlingly familiar. But it doesn’t matter. No matter how far and fast he travels, he’s never going to be able to get back to the life he used to know.

Perhaps this is what being the chosen one actually means- he’s meant to live a life without the force, so that when he returns to it in death he’ll be able to somehow...educate? the force? maybe?

Ok, he’s not great at the metaphysical spiritual side of things, but he does accept that going back is out of his control, and he’s doing good here, even if it’s not galaxy altering.

Despite all the therapy, he never doubts that his early life was real. He has his saber and deep, deep down he can feel a spark in the kyber. He can’t do anything with it, but it’s there. There’s also pieces of the utter wreck that was his ship in the cellar, next to the sleek unblemished pod that Clark arrived in. Shortly before Clark becomes Superman, he asks for his help in melting down his old ship to make unearthly alloys.

He’s not surprised when Clark tells him he met a ‘real’ ‘magic’ user- it stands to reason that considering how relatively easy it is to convert energy from one form to another in this universe (Clark can fly), at least one kind would bend to sentient willpower in a similar way as the force does.

It’s still a little nervewracking showing his lightsaber to someone new for the first time in a decade. Zantana scrutinizes, bewildered.

“There is some sort of power locked within, but it’s unfamiliar to me,” she admits finally. “I could probably brute force it and force the energy to release itself, but it would likely destroy the container.” Anakin politely refuses.

Later, after the justice league’s formation, Clark mentions to J’onn that he has a friend who might be able to work on his ship. J’onn is extremely doubtful when he’s brought to a bizarre autoshop in the midwest that looks half-like a roadside attraction. Anakin sighs and digs his hands into the guts of the craft, muttering incomprehensibly and yelling at clark to melt down some pieces from the special scrap pile. A few days later he explains the patches he’s done to an impressed J’onn. When he asks how a human came to learn such things, he’s absently informed that,

“I used to work in a junkshop in Tatooine. All sorts of ship parts came through.”

“I’m unfamiliar with this world.”

“Tell you what, if you ever meet anyone who’s heard it of it, send them my way, and I’ll make your next repair free.”

“Oh! I’m afraid I don’t have any earth money...”

“Ugh, of course you don’t. it’s cool, capitalism sucks anyway and everyone’s entitled to free transportation, regardless of the area they happen to live. I do ask that if you can’t pay for the repairs that you spend an equivalent number of hours either attending one of my free auto classes, or volunteer at a community-led charities of your choice, here I’ll get you a pamphlet-”

So the Martian Manhunter becomes a weekly volunteer at a Midwestern Food Waste Reclamation Facility. J’onn J’onzz ends up becoming Anakin Skywalker’s friend well before he becomes comes truly comfortable around Kal-El. For a telepath, 39 year old Anakin’s Jedi orderly mind is a soothing relief.

(again, Anakin has spent far more time meditating on Earth then he ever did at the temple. Before all this, spent five years dutifully memorizing the Jedi way even as he struggled to live up it’s basic practices. For the first few years on earth, religiously practicing every meditation technique Obi-Wan ever taught him, thinking obsessively about the philosophies he never had time to really process, is just a desperate attempt to reconnect with the force, prove himself worthy of it. But even after he gives up on ever touching the force again, he keeps up the practice, he can’t release his emotions exactly, but he does find peace. The tendency to stop mid-rant to earnestly pronounce made up zen bullshit and then sit quietly for an hour before picking up on his tirade again as though there was no interruption is one of the things many things people find profoundly weird about him)

Kal-El doesn’t stop asking new aliens and dimensional travelers if they’ve ever heard of Coruscant, or Hutts, or the Jedi Order. Anakin might have given up, but Superman remembers his older brother scrubbing away his own tears to focus on helping Clark calm down enough to touch the floor again. The more the Kryptonian’s powers developed in alarming ways, the more Anakin set aside talk of missing his home galaxy. Anakin might have claimed it wasn’t like that, but Clark was determined to take every chance his increasingly weird life threw at him, no matter how vanishingly small.

In the middle of his first battle with Braniac, Clark starts insulting his incomplete database. The world collector pauses, demanding a more precise explanation. Clark complies, giving his best technical description of Coruscant’s cityscape, Tatooine’s binary star system, and so on. Braniac is so distracted that Superman recovers completely from his kryptonite poisoning and easily saves the day.

Neither the lantern corp or the denizens of the neutral zone have the answers. Superman doesn’t mention it it Anakin, but he never stops looking and listening.

“How did you even meet that guy?” Flash asks curiously after stopping to say hello on one of their after work laps of the country.

“Aliens among us support group,” Kal-El responds deadpan.

“Oh. Wait, what? He’s an alien? I thought he was from the future or something! You’re messing with me. No way that’s a thing. How many people are in the support group? This is a joke, right?”

“Sorry, most of them aren’t out and I don’t want to violate their privacy- a lot of them have high profile jobs. How do you think I met J’onn?”

“SUPES I’M FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW YOU’VE GOTTA STOP”

Anakin is just sort of vaguely known by a solid chunk of the super community as ‘that one midwestern zen space mechanic’ and no one really questions it because everyone’s life has just gotten so goddamn weird. A few of them know he used to be a space wizard of some kind. Space wizards now being a regular hazard of life on earth, no one has reason to doubt this, and it’s as good an explanation as any for Anakin’s general vibe.

well. almost no one doubts this. Batman does not simply accept Anakin’s general bullshittery without carefully investigating and drawing his own conclusions. He does not share these with anyone.

But one day Clark- this is well after Superman became Kal-El to him, and not long after Kal-El tells him to call him Clark- comes up to him and asks for his help finding about an alternate universe. Knowing and dreading where this is going, Batman stalls,

“Shouldn’t you be asking one of the league members who regularly travels between universes?”

“I have, over the years,” Clark admits, awkwardly scuffing a boot on the floor of the cave. “But no one’s familiar with the exact one I’m looking for, and I thought since you’re a detective, and also one of the smartest people I know, you might be able to help me...”

“You’re an investigator yourself, and you can survive the vacuum of space,” Bruce shoots back flatly. “I’ve told you before Gotham is my priority, and this has ‘personal project’ all over it.”

“Come on, B, please,” Superman pleads, trailing Batman around the cave like an overgrown puppy. “In a few months it will have been 30 years! He’s my brother! Just let me see the research you’ve already done!”

“Who says I’ve already done research on your brother?”

Clark shoots him a look. And Bruce concedes the point with a grunt.

“I’ll need need to talk with him first,” Bruce finally concedes. “Bring him by the cave. Take the-”

“Take the tunnel entrance, I know, I know,” Clark agrees with a grin. “This doesn’t mean he’s authorized to know your secret identity. Thanks Bruce, this means a lot. I’ll ask him tomorrow about his schedule.”

Superman flies off and Batman scrubs his face with a gloved hand. After a moment he pulls up Anakin’s file on the main monitor. Bruce honestly respects and likes the man, as much as he respects and likes anyone who’s not family. He admires his sense his style, appreciates his upgrades to the batmobile, and is impressed by both this civil rights work and his additions to the scientific community.

That doesn’t mean he’s not convinced that Anakin’s brother is a bit insane. Again, he’s not judging! He dresses like a bat to scare random henchmen and beat up actual demigods! He wishes his rogues gallery was as capable of directing their ptsd-inspired delusions and staggering intellects towards such productive pursuits!

Bruce was already in quiet awe of the Kent’s ability to raise an outrageously superpowered being without blowing up a chunk of the country; their success in derailing a supervillian origin story just puts him over the edge. He stares at the three most likely profiles he’s pulled together. Christen Jones, from a negligent family, death certificate filled out suspicously sloppily at age 3. Earl Lucas, went missing at age 9, both parents dead in a violent assault. And Jake Hayden, who at age 5 disappeared along with the rest of his family in a seismic accident later linked to Luthercorp.

Anyone of them could have suffered on the streets for years and coped by establishing an elaborate fantasy world, aided by self medication, only to eventually be picked up by the Kent’s and start healing. Certainly Anakin had the intellect to create worlds in his mind. All his rogues were smart enough to create their own little realities in their heads- it doesn’t mean they were actually reachable.

Unfortunately Anakin had a Kryptonian younger brother who was determined to actually find the space wizard knight homeworld, even as the 'Jedi’ in question had slowly moved away his reliance on the delusion as an adult. Batman really didn’t see any way bringing up his conclusions to Anakin or Clark could possibly be helpful, and so many alien allies had a ‘If you find about the Jedi please contact Kal-El of Krypton on Earth’ pamphlet that it would be excruciatingly awkward to try and discretely correct anyone.

Bruce was not looking forward to this conversation.

#star wars #star wars au #dc #crossover #batman #anakin skywalker #corn boy anakin au

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mahizli · 3 years

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Still Learning (There Is No Ignorance, There Is Knowledge)

Art by tallterror and second chapter of Threading The Way (Jedi June).

32 BBY.

“Thank you, Anakin.”

Master Ti’s voice was gentle, and Ani met her warm, brown eyes before he bowed, like Padawans were supposed to, like Obi-Wan had taught him at the very beginning of his stay here, almost a month ago.

“It’s okay.”

His voice sounded strange. Like there was not enough air in is lungs. And his heart was beating all fast, too. It felt like… like the day he had left Mum, and Ani did not want to go there in his head. Instead, he followed the other Initiates out of the door and into the corridor.

“Hello, Master Obi-Wan…”

It sounded like a song, all his fellow-Initiates greeting his Master who stood there, leaning against the corridor walls, waiting for him. But Ani didn’t join in, didn’t say a thing: he knew just how eager they were to catch a glimpse of him, the one who lost his Master, the one who killed a Sith and was training him, him whom Qui-Gon had called the Chosen One. They were still wary of him, and he had not made any real friend, save Senior Padawan Quinlan who was going to become a Knight very soon and was actually Obi-Wan’s friend. And Master Luminara and Master Kit, who were also Obi-Wan’s friends.

Ani loved spending time with Master Quinlan, because he knew Tatooine and understood things even Obi-Wan didn’t know. And he loved Master Luminara because she had been there, with him, when Obi-Wan had started bleeding from his nose, talking funny, and had fallen down in the training grounds. She and Master Quinlan had taken Obi-Wan to the Halls of Healing, and there, Master Vokara Che had told them the bond between him and Master Qui-Gon was still bleeding, because it had been broken and not closed, and because Obi-Wan had pushed everything tight behind his shields.

Master Che, Master Yoda and Master Billaba had brought Obi-Wan back into the Force and had closed the injury in Obi-Wan’s mind. And Master Quinlan, Master Luminara and Master Kit had tried to help him with the sadness inside, even though Obi-Wan was still missing Qui-Gon fiercely and would still go very silent whenever he was thinking of him.

Ani watched his fellow-Initiates swarm through the corridor, and checked out his Master, because it had only been a week since Obi-Wan came back from the Halls, all thin and still somewhat shaky. A week since they had cleaned and tidied up Master Qui-Gon’s stuff, and Ani still had a hard time to believe how much steadier Obi-Wan felt in the Force now.

He was no longer pale, no longer looking like he would be gone any minute, vanishing like the images people saw when they got sun-sickness on Tatooine. Obi-Wan was better now, Ani could feel it through their bond, but he still grabbed the hem of Obi-Wan’s robe, just in case, rubbing his thumb against the rough fabric.

Hello there, Padawan.

Ani didn’t smile, because people were still around, and because he still felt weird from what he had just managed to do, during Master Ti’s class. But inside, it felt like something opening up, and when Obi-Wan started to walk them back to their quarters, Ani quietly slid his hand into his and squeezed.

“How was class, Anakin?”, Obi-Wan asked, once their doors slid shut.

Ani took off his boots, shrugging out of his bag.

“Okay, Master.”

Obi-Wan never asked many questions. He never pried, like some Initiates did. He just let it go, waiting for Ani to find him. And Ani wanted to tell him, about the way he had listened to him and accepted to tell Master Ti and the other Initiates about Tatooine, about why he hadn’t been taught to read and write, about the way slaves were forbidden to do some things and to enter some places.

But Ani also knew it would make Obi-Wan sad to talk about such stuff, and he didn’t want him to be sad anymore, he just wanted to hear him talk and marvel about the way he felt so smart and quick and witty through their bond.

And he never seemed to be bothered, when Anakin asked him questions, not even while he cooked, chopping off tubers, and cutting odd orange stuff that was called pumpkin to mix them together in some kind of soup that had a nice, sugary flower.

And so Ani got to know all about Obi-Wan’s day. About the subjects he was still studying, despite no longer being a Padawan, about the way he had trained with Master Luminara because they were both specialising in a form called Soresu. About the people in the Temple Obi-Wan had talked to, and that Ani still struggled to remember.

“I like that soup, Master. It’s nice.”

Obi-Wan smiled at him.

“It’s the nutmeg. I think you have a weak spot for spices, Padawan.”

Obi-Wan knew so many things. Ani didn’t have a clue what a nutmeg was, but Obi-Wan showed him the small, brown nut, and let him grind a bit of it into his soup – and it was delicious.

They talked some more, and then Ani was sent into the fresher to shower. He knew how to use the taps and the pressure now – it wasn’t complicated, actually, much less complicated than the ventilation system on the back of Watto’s shop, or the ignition of his old speeder. But Ani still tried to be quick, because it was no sonic – no carefully harvested water from a moisturizer, but water flowing like springs from the very faucets, and it still felt like such a waste.

Obi-Wan loved showers, though. He wasn’t long about it, but sometimes, Ani heard him hum quietly through the fresher’s door, and he always felt relaxed in the Force afterwards.

That evening, Obi-Wan didn’t shower, though. He was sitting cross-legged on his bed, barefoot yet still wearing his leggings and tunics, and Ani crawled up next to him, looking at the green picture that hung across Obi-Wan’s desk. It was a landscape from Stewjon, Obi-Wan’s planet, and Obi-Wan had painted it some years ago, because his Master was very skilled at drawing, and had filled whole journals with his sketches.

“What are you doing, Master?”, he asked, his tooka-doll Spikes closely tucked to his chest.

Obi-Wan sighed, turning tired grey eyes towards him.

“I’m trying to make sense of an essay of a currently very famous yet completely unintelligible philosopher, Padawan.”

“Why?”

Ani lifted a very puzzled face towards his Master, and Obi-Wan smiled again, deftly carding his fingers through Ani’s loosened braid, undoing it before he started braiding it again for the night.

“Because he claims to be an expert about the topic I’m supposed to study, and write an essay about.”

“But why do they need you to write essays and to read boring stuff? You’re no Padawan anymore, Master. You’re one of the best Jedi ever – everybody keeps talking about you in the Temple.”

Obi-Wan’s eyes clouded for a moment, but when he lifted his face towards Anakin, his gaze was clear.

“Because the only thing I know, Padawan mine, is how little I do know and how much I have still to learn.”

Ani hung his head, letting Obi-Wan closing his braid, watching the way his Master’s knees melted with the rough fabric of the sheets.

“I know the feeling, Master”, he whispered.

I feel like that all the time.

Obi-Wan’s hand travelled from next to his cheek to his shoulder, and soon enough, Ani was pulled against his side, breathing in the smell of clean linen, of soap and Obi-Wan.

“I did it, Master. I told them. About the slaves, on Tatooine. About what it meant, to read ‘no slaves allowed’ or ‘keep out’. About the dangers out there. They didn’t ask any questions, though. I don’t think they understood much, anyway.”

Obi-Wan stayed silent, for a while, data-pad and reading forgotten.

“I am not sure one can truly understand, Padawan. I still struggle. And sometimes… sometimes I think about what you have been through, and I wish…”

His Master didn’t go on, words ending into something that was both a breath and a sigh. There was no need, though. Ani understood.

“But, Anakin… I think that the reason the Initiates stayed silent was… because they were in awe. Because they felt very ignorant, compared what you were forced to experience.”

Ani shrugged, face still buried into Obi-Wan’s side.

“I’m very proud of you, Padawan.”

Obi-Wan’s voice was even softer, and Ani wrapped his arms around his waist, wordlessly. For a while, he listened to the quiet way Obi-Wan was breathing, focusing on the way Obi-Wan’s belly was meeting his forearms, whenever he was drawing in air or letting out a sigh.

His Master had resumed reading, and it didn’t seem to make him happy, because there was a thin crease between his eyes Ani had learned to recognize. What was more, Valentine, Qui-Gon’s old plant, was hissing quietly on the windowsill, flowers turning an electric form of blue and getting all spiky. Ani closed his eyes and sent a soft Force-tendril towards her, trying to stop her hissing.

Nervous-Pointless-Anxious-Enough.

Valentine’s projections in the Force were always really helpful with Obi-Wan, and Anakin sent back Okay-Got It-Thank You-Calm Down.

“Master… I think you should stop reading. I don’t think that feel-low-something is worth it.”

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows shot up, and he turned towards Ani.

“He’s making your head ache. And I think… I think anybody who writes stuff that is so hard to understand that even you don’t manage it, well… it’s not someone who cares about sharing what he knows.”

“Anakin, I’m not the standard by whom you should… I don’t think you… It’s not supposed to be difficult, it’s just that I…”

“Master, I don’t know much. I know I don’t. But… But I know you’re so smart that every teacher here loves you. There’s not one who’s hasn’t spoken about you, and I’ve only been here four weeks. So… I don’t think you should read that stuff. I think you should stick to those who want to share what they know, not just… show off or something.”

Obi-Wan stared at him for some seconds, and then his Master did something very unexpected. Ani watched Obi-Wan’s shoulders start to shake in silent laughter, until it broke out of Obi-Wan’s very signature, in quiet bubbles of amusement.

“Oh, I think that fellow really wanted to show off…”, his Master sighed. “I’m not sure I read anything that dense for… I don’t know, probably ever?”

Anakin started to giggle as well, watching Obi-Wan close the data-pad, leaning against his headboard, still laughing quietly.

“It was… I kept reading the same page over and over, wondering what in the Galaxy was wrong with me – it felt like… it felt like… Oh Anakin, you are so right – it is some incomprehensible, self-satisfied babble, and it is positively useless!”

Obi-Wan sounded both amused and amazed by his own defiance, and though Ani had no clue about what his Master truly meant, he could feel how relieved and lighter he felt through their bond.

“I’m not going to read that”, Obi-Wan whispered, eyes growing somewhat wide, and Ani couldn’t help hugging him again, because he looked like the way Kitster did, whenever Ani convinced him to do something he was afraid of yet kept dreaming about.

“I’m going to… I’m going to focus on ignorance and knowledge instead. About the way they are sometimes mistaken for the other. There are very knowledgeable people out there who still manage to stay very ignorant, Padawan. And there are others who think themselves ignorant and who are so wise they make the world a better place.”

His Master’s hands rubbed gentle circles into his back, and Ani hugged him tighter, feeling his heart swell because of Obi-Wan’s words.

“That’s wizard, Master”, he whispered – and then he lowered his head back on Obi-Wan’s chest, because it was warm and comfortable there, and because his Master was the best Master ever.

And on the windowsill, Valentine curled on herself, flowers in the hue of a soft, tender green, projecting soft contentment into the Force – and turning still once more.

#jedi june #jedi appreciation #jedi culture #JEDI goodness #star wars fanfiction #Anakin Skywalker #young anakin #Obi-Wan Kenobi #hurt/comfort #fluff #master and padawan

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themusicplayedherlife · 3 years

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To Love is the Greatest Gift

1. The Return

pairing: obi wan kenobi x f!reader (past!din djarn x f!reader) characters: f!reader, anakin amidala-skywalker, padmé amidala-skywalker, mentiones of din djarin, obi wan kenobi, others word count: 2.6k+ warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of rent: the musical (death, second chances) uh... I think that’s it? summary: au!it’s never been the right timing for you and obi wan kenobi; maybe this time will be different. a/n: i started working on this story so long ago it’s ridiculous, but I suddenly had a surge of motivation to continue this story after some tragic family news. this was also very much inspired by @martlands and their amazing obi wan stories, made me want to write my own and here it is

all || next

“You broke up?”

One would think that the immediate reaction to someone asking if you broke up with your significant other would be to cry or begin to ask them what could have possibly gone wrong. But that’s not the reaction you give.

The reaction you give is just a shrug and a strong pop, as you spoon more gelato onto the little spoon his twins love collecting. “Yep.”

“After only three weeks of dating?” Anakin doesn’t know why he’s surprised, but he is. This is probably the shortest living relationship you’ve ever had. “Why?”

“Why not?” you answer easily, nonchalantly and you know it frustrates him. “It wasn’t working out, so we decided to call it quits.”

Not even a month ago, you had been genuinely excited about finally getting out there and meeting someone new, and even more excited when you were telling him all about this person you met while out with some old friends. You had said, word for word, “he might be the perfect contender!”

Where did all that excitement go?

You sigh, finally looking up at him and away from your white chocolate gelato that's just to die for. “Ani, it’s fine. It just didn’t work out. It happens.”

He grimaces. “What happened between you and Din—“

You bristle at the mention of your ex, narrowing your eyes and his widen in defense. You know what Anakin and Padmé think of him and it’s not entirely pleasant (particularly from Anakin’s part). It’s completely unfair. Din is lovely, sure a little socially awkward, but lovely nonetheless. “Has nothing to do with why Gar and I ended things.”

“But—“

“Nothing,” you reiterate with a bit more force and he sighs, lifting his hands in defeat while holding his own cup of gelato.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry.” And then, like a light switching, he turns playful. “Was it his name that turned you off—Gar?”

You resist the urge to groan and roll your eyes. “Oh maker, you are annoying!”

You huff as you make the trek back to the trolley that’ll take you both up to the observatory. The rest of your conversation is forgotten as he navigates it towards continuing to tease you and the latest exhibit you had helped set up.

The Coruscant Observatory is one of the most popular attractions in the city aside from the Exotic Animal Sanctuary (where most zoologist work to help rehabilitate wild animals before reintroducing them back into the wild, only housing the ones that have been assessed to not be able to function in the wild on their own—which are unfortunately many).

Your place of work is known for its large, ground telescope; its monthly constellation exhibits; the multiple planetarium theater rooms that house lectures, activities, star projections, etc.; and its Astronomer Q&A program where visitors can ask astronomers questions and even get a tour of the space station.

However, most of your days are spent in your office, planning for the next exhibit or actually executing them with your team; meanwhile, Anakin spends them in tech, sometimes maintaining the telescope, other times helping with IT issues, but mostly making sure the theater rooms worked perfectly for their 4D immersion.

(You like to joke that out of the two of you, he has it easiest; sometimes he’ll run by your office to get to another part of the building while you’re doing something and you’ll yell out, “slacker” and he’ll respond with, “you just work too much”.)

“Are Padmé and the twins stopping by today?”

“Not today, maybe tomorrow,” he says as you both step out of the trolley along with a few tourists. “I think today they decided to stay for some school thing.”

“Shouldn’t you know what that school thing is?” you chide him out of jest.

He scowls, there’s hardly any heat in it and it makes you grin. “It’s a music performance that the CN Theater is putting on.”

“Ah, and we all know how much musicals bores you.”

“I just don’t understand them,” he murmurs defensively as you climb the few steps leading to the entrance. The two of you smiling and greeting Rex at his security post and bypassing the ticket gate with your IDs.

“You mean you don’t have any taste,” you tease.

“It’s weird! I mean, most of them are all about tragedies and betrayals. What happened to the good ol’ romance and happy endings?”

“Not all of them are tragedies, Casanova.”

The main rotunda lobby is full of people milling about, looking at maps or the foucault pendulum in the middle of the room. Low chatter fills the room, shoes clicking and clacking against the marble flooring.

“Name one.”

Spotting the trash can and recycle bin, Anakin holds his hand out for your disposable cup and spoon and throws them away in their proper bin.

“Rent.” There are probably better examples, but you had been listening to the original cast album the night before and have all the songs still stuck in your head.

“Don’t two characters die?”

“Angel and Mimi.” You nod. “But Mimi is brought back to life by Angel, and is given a second chance at life.”

“She may have been brought back to life, but that doesn’t take away from the fact she died.”

“I’m not arguing with you on that, I’m just saying the ending was hopeful—not necessarily a happy ending, but it left you thinking—maybe things can get better.”

“And that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m looking for—“

“What you and Padmé have?” you ask him as you both reach the door of your office.

He pauses, mouth opening and closing before finally rubbing the back of his head sheepishly and saying, “Yeah.”

You smile, genuine and happy for your childhood friend. Who would’ve thought that years ago when you introduced them, they’d be here years later—married and with twins. You and Anakin sure as hell didn’t. For most of your childhood, you both believed you’d live out your life on Tatooine, hang with the same friends you’ve known since your pre-kinder days and eventually get married to each other—much to the dismay of your parents—because of benefits or whatever, until your parents decided they wanted to send you off to a private school in one of the major cities, derailing your and Anakin’s plan (for the better, if you’re being honest).

“You’re still coming over for dinner, right?”

“Yeah,” you answer, unlocking your office door with your key. “I have a meeting that might go over the expected time, but I should be able to make it on time.”

“Just let us know,” he says, rapping his knuckles against the door frame. “But you better be there! We have some planning to do!”

You roll your eyes and wave him away, promising he and his family will definitely see you at five. With a hearty chuckle he salutes you and leaves the door slightly ajar, just like you usually do. It’s your “you can come in to ask me questions, but knock first, please” visual telling.

With a soft exhale, you drop yourself into your creaking office chair, eyes landing on the first picture on your right—a younger you, only 18, fresh out of your uniform smiling wildly with a large bouquet of flowers that you can still distinctly remember the smell of.

“I am in love!” Padmé exclaimed, squealing in absolute delight at the flowers put in your hand.

Blue eyes crinkled with amusement, staring down at you. “Are you?” His voice was low, teasing and almost smug. He had obviously heard the gasp that escaped your lips when he presented you the colorful bouquet created with your favorite flowers that his father grew in their little garden.

“Irrevocably,” you answered, not able to hide your smile as you gently held it against your chest and smiled up at him. “They’re beautiful, Obi. Thank you.”

Obi Wan’s arm is wrapped around your shoulder, caught in the action of a booming laughter. He was always laughing in pictures. There isn’t a single picture you have of him that he isn't smiling.

Your finger gently trails over his smiling face. Maker, you miss him.

Is he still traveling? Or has he finally settled down again? Will he show up and spring some unexpected news on you again? Stars, you hope not. Shit didn’t go as planned last time and it probably wouldn’t again.

Your hand falls limply and you swivel in your seat, looking out the large glass window overlooking the majority of the city and sigh softly—an exhale of wary hope and sadness.

A bird soars by your window, it’s wings flapping effortlessly, diving before flying higher and away.

He’s not coming back. You know this. Coruscant just isn’t the same anymore. Not when he feels this city has taken everything from him.

One more year visiting Gui Gon without him.

The meeting runs longer than it usually would, just like you had expected. Checking the time, you let out a curse and quickly throw your belongings into your car.

Without wasting time, as soon as you switch on your engine, you place your phone on the dock and say, “Hey C-3PO, call Padmé.”

“Calling Padmé,” your phone’s AI answers through the speakers of your car.

“Are you outside?” Is how she greets you. There are loud noises in the background, children squabbling about something or another, and Anakin’s weary voice trying to rally them.

You snort, pulling out of the undergroundparking lot. “Not yet, barely got out of my meeting and am on my way.”

“Please hurry, the twins really want to see you and are dying from hunger,” she says, amusement in her voice and not at all trying to hurry you. “They might start eating Anakin soon.”

“Hey, don’t bite that!” He yells from a distance.

“Hurry, please!” you hear over the phone—Luke. “I miss you,” he says, closer now. Which you immediately reply saying you miss him too, almost cutting off the next voice.

“And I’m hungry!” Leia’s voice follows his, practically yelling into the phone.

You laugh fondly, just imagining the childish glee on their faces at your scandalized gasps and your exaggerated “me too” answers.

“Leia, no yelling,” Padmé scolds her, gentle and kind. “Softer, please.”

“Sorry,” she says. “I’m hungry,” she repeats, softer, almost a whisper.

“Give me twenty minutes and I’ll be there,” you promise. “If not, you have my permission to start eating your dad.”

Leia and Luke break into a fit of laughter, yelling something away from the phone to Anakin, who once again lets out a loud, “Hey!”

Padmé chuckles, moving away from the voices of the children tackling their father and their play fighting. “Take your time, we’re not in any hurry to start eating. The kids had a hearty lunch and a snack after school.”

“What about you and Anakin?”

“We’re fine, don’t worry. Just get here safely and we’ll see you soon.”

You end the call with one last reassurance from her and let out a loud sigh when your car comes to a stop behind a long line of glaring red lights—traffic. You hate traffic.

You might be surrounded by blinding lights and different models of vehicles, but it leaves you alone with your thoughts, the low hum of your engine and music from your stereo drowned out by the chattering in your head.

It’s never just one thing that you think about. It can go from one thing to another, to all of them trying to climb over eachother and be the most present: your friends; your family; the dog next door; Din and Baby; cinnamon apple cookies; the beach house in Naboo; sneaking out of the prep dormitories at 2am with Padmé keeping an eye out and Obi Wan holding his arms out for you; rose gardens and peach tea; freckles on blushing skin; drunken singing in a small living room; 21st birthdays crying in a bathroom stall; that stupid movie quote about choosing life; death; but sometimes (most occurring) it’s Obi Wan that weaves into every thought.

He’s a constant plague in your mind, has been since the first time he left Coruscant in search of himself.

Sometimes they’re pleasant thoughts, memories kept in a nostalgic trunk that you occasionally like to sift through. Other times, they’re not so pleasant; those are the ones you constantly struggle with, try to push into the recesses of your mind and keep them under lock and key. But for some stupid, strange reason, your mind only ever remembers the bad, even when there are better things to dwell on.

“I just—I just don’t understand why you have to leave—Obi. Obi!” you practically yelled, watching him move around his room, grabbing and throwing things he pulled out into his duffel bag. “Listen to me!”

He didn’t stop, not until you reached for his duffel bag and plucked it out from his hands. He stared at you, his duffel bag carelessly thrown to the floor with his clothes spilling out.

Your breathing was labored, a sick feeling swimming in your stomach, words stuck in your throat now that he wasn’t hiding his beautiful blue eyes from you—his devastatingly heartbroken eyes. “I have to,” he finally said, breaking the silence. “I need to leave. This house—this city, it's suffocating me. I can’t—I can’t stay here anymore.”

“Obi… Obi, please.” You can’t leave me. You can’t! Please! Please, Obi.

“I need to do this for me, darling. I’m sorry.”

You should’ve fought harder that night, should’ve convinced him to stay, but instead you helped him pack again with tears obstructing your view and sobs escaping your lips. Maybe if you had, you wouldn’t have lost him.

No, your breath stutters as you lean back into your car seat, there was nothing you could’ve done. Either times. He had made up his mind long before that night.

A car honks their horn to your left and you jump, eyes focusing once more on the red lights of the car in front of you. You wipe at your face harshly and straighten your spine.

That was years ago, little one. Shake it off.

Sighing softly, you look up at the street name and make a turn onto the Skywalker residence street, your shoulders relaxing when their two story home comes into view.

Shake it off.

Parking isn't easy to find in their neighborhood, not when it’s so close to the observatory and some of the most visited parks in the area, but you manage to find one just two cars away from their house.

Gathering your things, you lock the door behind you and quickly make your way down the sidewalk, phone in your hand and typing out a message that you’re here.

It’s while you’re hitting send that you don’t notice the body in front of you, staring up at the house with an almost wary expression on his face, or how his eyes widen when they see you. It’s not until you collide into his body, soft with a fleece cardigan, that you notice him. Embarrassment begins to boil in your blood as you quickly apologize to him, berating yourself for not being more aware of your surroundings.

“Kriff, I’m so sorry—“ you start, but the apology catches in your throat when you look up.

“Hello, there.” Blue eyes, so soft and kind, like the ones you once used to dream of stare back at you—so unlike the pair of eyes you saw years ago. “It’s been a long time, darling.”

You can’t shake him off.

#obi wan x reader #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi imagine #obi wan kenobi imagine #reader insert #ben kenobi #star wars imagine #au #f!reader

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obaewankenobis · 3 years

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solace — obi-wan kenobi

summary : after the death of satine kryze, obi-wan kenobi returns from mandalore to the jedi temple.

warning(s) : character death, it's pretty fluffy with some angst.

pairing(s) : obi-wan kenobi x jedi!reader, mentions of obi-wan kenobi x satine kryze

notes : this is my first fic on tumblr like,, ever. i hope you enjoy lmao 🧍🏻‍♀️. oh also it’s written in all lowercase intentionally!

though you didn’t know much about their relationship, you knew from a very young age that obi-wan kenobi loved satine kryze. the jedi and the duchess were destined to live their lives apart, honor bound to serve the people before themselves, whether it be the citizens of mandalore or the jedi order. you had seen them interact firsthand, the endless bickering and shrewd glances at one another making up a feeble attempt to cover up how they truly felt. you hated the way your stomach twisted and your heartbeat quickened when you saw how he looked at her, overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions a jedi were barred from feeling. he drowned in her touch, however subtle that might be, her hand on his face leaving him with burn marks, his fingers on fire as he grasped her wrist. you stood idly by, hopeless in the shadows, because that was what the force had destined for you. you, like obi-wan, had duties as a jedi, duties that you would put over your own well being and selfish desires, even if that meant spending hours watching obi-wan languish in the realization that life would never allow him to be happy. he’d lost his master at an age where, although he was not terribly young, he was still vulnerable to the world and its brutalities.

life had not been kind to obi-wan kenobi. he was old when he started training, feeling the need to work twice as hard as his fellow initiates, just for him to be remembered and not cast aside. he was constantly battling his darkest fear, that he was never good enough for his master and he would one day be considered unmemorable or unworthy. life was still cruel to obi-wan kenobi. he felt the cold, bony fingers of satine kryze cradle his face, leaning into her touch before she fell back limply, dark blood staining her abdomen. around him, maul laughed, as vengeance had finally been served. all those years the scarlet skinned zabrak had spent wasting away, he only had one thought: kenobi. it was a mantra that kept him going, a fire that fueled him, that drove him so far to the point of madness that the only thought echoing in his mind was exacting his revenge on the man who had caused him so much misery, obi-wan kenobi. with some much needed help, obi-wan had escaped his jail cell on mandalore, but maul had won, for now he was trapped eternally in a prison of his own mind. if he closed his eyes, he could still see satine in all her beauty. the soft, pale buttercup locks of hair were strewn messily across satine’s face, framing her pointed features that highlighted her regality. her eyes, normally a stunning, brilliant blue, were now overshadowed with heavy purple circles underneath, fluttering once, before lying still. obi-wan could still feel the ice of her touch on his auburn beard, could still hear the hoarse whispers of her final, dying breath in his ears. worst of all, he could still sense through the force as her life signature died out, like a warm sun casting its final rays before leaving a planet in darkness. he had loved her, and she had loved him. though light years away, separated by many planets and suns and stars, you could sense his anguish. it was overpowering, tainted by the dark side; this was the closest obi-wan had been tempted to stray away from the light. still, he clung on to the light, clung on to the idea that there was still good in the world, despite every curve thrown in his way. the night ahead of you, should obi-wan not return before then, would be sleepless, as worry for the man ate at your insides, and you were helpless to resist as it consumed you. you were, for lack of a better word, attached to him, and he you, and that was the most dangerous thing a jedi could be. the very idea of caring for one being over another was discouraged, but no one prepared you for how hard it would be to follow a code you lived by. at last, you sensed his presence here in the temple. throwing on a beige cloak, you quietly shut the door of your sleeping quarters to greet him. it was late enough in the evening for the temple hallways to be barren, but not too absurdly late for you to be awake, as the bright yellow hues of the coruscanti sunset dimmed and made their final goodbye through the transparisteel. “obi-wan,” the breath caught in your throat as your eyes met his. he resembled a shell of who he once was, clad in red mandalorian armor that oddly suited him. his russet hair was disheveled, dirtied by dust and sweat, shoulders sagging as his arms lay limply at his side. his ocean eyes were swimming with sorrow and grief, mourning the loss of someone — it didn’t take much to put the pieces together. satine kryze. he had gone to rescue her, and returned alone. “y/n,” his voice is like a melody in your ears, though his tone is solemn and tired. they stood close enough for it to be amicable, but far enough for it to be agonizingly respectable. neither of you made any movement to get closer, knowing the probability of someone stumbling upon them was far too likely. “what happened?” you bit your lip, studying his face. his eyes didn’t quite meet yours, his fair skin littered with dirt and battered with cuts and bruises. “maul,” came the short response. “he… i must report to the council.” waves of alarm began radiating off of him, as if he had just remembered something important. “master yoda and master windu are both away,” you sucked in your breath. “you should speak to them tomorrow.” all he could muster was a nod of his head, and you knew then that he would only talk about it in time. silently, mannerisms mirroring one another, you began walking, your pace slow and your shoulders brushing just slightly every few steps. there wasn’t much to be said; obi-wan was silent for most of the short trek back to the jedi sleeping quarters. “will you be alright?” you stopped in your tracks, pausing in front of his quarters. a faint smile crept onto his face, his lips twitching upwards but his eyes remaining dull. he nodded quickly before turning to enter his quarters. “thank you, darling.” however persuasive the famed jedi negotiator was in his prime, there was something about the way his voice sounded so tired that made you doubt the truth of his words. obi-wan’s name was on the tip of your tongue before he disappeared behind the door of his quarters, not allowing you to call after him; he could lie to you once, to save you from needless worry, but he could not do so twice. without much resistance, you retreated to your own space, the walls and floors scarcely decorated, what little furniture you did possess simple and modest. after a moment, you retired to your sleep couch and allowed your sore muscles a bit of relaxation. sleep did not come to greet you, not even as you spent hours tossing and turning, the normally soft mattress underneath you now lumpy and hard. with a sigh, you threw the covers over you aside, wincing as you were greeted with the coldness of the floor as your feet touched the ground. you made your way to the hallway, pitch black and coated with a blanket of silence, a dim light seeping through the cracks of the door opposite of yours. obi-wan was still awake. raising your hand to knock on the door, you were surprised as your knuckles were met nothingness, as the door slid open automatically. obi-wan had not moved since the night began, sitting in his own turmoil. the mandalorian armor had been stripped off of him and was now cluttered in a corner of the room, and it looked as if he had used the refresher — droplets of water still clung to his hair, and his sleeping clothes looked fresh and clean. “can’t sleep?” you spoke up with a rueful smile, careful to keep your pitch low enough so only he could hear them. the door closed behind you, and then it was just the two of them. he looked up; dark circles of grief and exhaust making him appear older, more fragile. in a hasty, unsure movement, you had crossed the length of the room and settled yourself next to him, the sleep couch dipping slightly under your added weight. there were so many questions you longed to ask him, like the details of his journey to mandalore, and why he couldn’t even bring himself to say more than a few words at a time. but patience was a jedi’s greatest tool, and you forced yourself to simply sit in silence, the feeling of obi-wan’s grief hanging heavy in the air. “i lost her.” his voice is hollow, monotone. there is no need to say her name, but it enters your mind anyways. satine. “i know,” you let out a weary sigh. “i’m so sorry.” without more words, you felt his body shift, feeling the heat coming from his body as he drew closer to you. “you need to rest, love.” there was no reason for him to protest, but you knew why he had stayed awake for so long. nightmares. they would haunt him for the rest of his life, chasing him mercilessly for as long as he remained asleep. no matter how awful life treated him, obi-wan kenobi never cried, at least not in front of anyone — instead, he allowed himself to rot away, internalizing everything for fear of burdening another being with all of his agony. tonight would be no different, you suspected, as you felt a weight on your shoulder, as a head full of strawberry blonde hair, still dewy with shower water, rested against your side. it was hesitant at first, as he barely allowed himself to lean on you, but after a moment of his cheek on your shoulder, he collapsed, the full weight of his body and all his worries heavy against your frame. as your arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him closer to you, your breath was light and tense. this was the closest you’d ever been to him, to anyone, really, the feeling of his skin against her own a foreign concept she’d never dared to explore. it was the way he smiled. it reminded you of warm summer days, of lazy mornings on naboo surrounded by nothing but fields of flowers soaked in sunlight. he was like the sun, bright and hopeful; steady and dependable. it was the way he laughed. it reminded you of cozy winter nights, of waking up to a ground littered with snow, the frigid air of the outside making evenings surrounded by a crackling fire intimate and welcoming. it was the way he looked at you. his gaze reminded you of a chilly autumn breeze, of carefree days and brisk weather that made your skin tingle, your heart feeling light and free, singing to the fallen leaves of the sky. it was the way he touched you. it reminded you of spring, of new flowers blooming in soft sunlight, of plants budding with new, green life and animals of all shapes and sizes fluttering around with their young. it was the start of something new. you loved him. it went against everything you stood for, but you loved him. and maybe somewhere, buried deep within his soul, he loved you too. in another lifetime, perhaps you were the right person at the wrong time, or the right person at the right time. but in this timeline, where the jedi code was carved into your bones, where the light side ran through your veins, where your duty came above your being, it was the wrong circumstance. you had been so deep in thought, woefully wishing a for love from a man who could not do so, that you hadn’t noticed how obi-wan’s breathing slowed, how his eyes, which had once fought to stay open, were now blissfully shut. the man who had been through so much, who had endured so much heartbreak and loss, had finally sought solace in your arms. your own eyes fought to stay awake, knowing how much trouble you’d be in if anyone caught you both in such a… compromising position. however innocent the intention may be, the council would not see it that way. your last conscious thought was that of i must wake up before sunrise, before you lapsed into a peaceful sleep.

#obi wan kenobi x you #obi wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan kenobi x you #obi-wan kenobi one shot #obi-wan kenobi imagine #obi wan kenobi #obi-wan kenobi #star wars #star wars one shot #star wars prequels #the clone wars #satine kryze #obaewankenobis

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shinhatigf · 3 years

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a little bit insane ahsoka and luke au

the lovely @picazos-angsty-typist inspired me to just post my au ideas as opposed to giving them away, and this one is my absolute favorite! it's an au in which 19 year old ahsoka finds the time travel crystal from the lego star wars christmas special and is transported onto tatooine right before a new hope. then she gets to go along through the original trilogy and be best friends with luke! (this is honestly just an extremely convoluted way to get my favorite characters to be best friends. this au is for me <3.) extremely long elaborations and plot stuff in bullet points under the cut:

okay so 19 year old ahsoka! it would be about 2 years post order 66 and about 6-8 months since the ending of the ahsoka novel, so she's traveling the world and doing fulcrum things, attempting to build a rebellion with bail organa. this, naturally, means she needs to hide from the empire.

because it needs to be life day for the crystal to work, that's the day this all starts (in ahsoka's original timeline). ahsoka finds out randomly that it's life day, and has a moment remembering the day before order 66, before the empire.

she gets into a skirmish with the empire close by kordoku, the planet with the time travel stone on it. she feels a pull from the force, like there's a safe haven on the planet below, so she lands and immediately knows why: she's in front of a jedi temple. she knows she'll be safe inside from the empire. she walks in, and seals the temple with the force

she picks up the weird rock thing in the middle of the room, as it's singing to her through the force. the second she touches it, a wormhole opens up, and she's dropped directly in the middle of a tatooinian sandstorm.

we the audience know that she's time traveled, but ahsoka has no clue. and as I'm assuming she doesn't have much experience wandering ancient abandoned jedi temples (in her time, very recently, they'd been populated and upkept), she wouldn't suspect she was hallucinating. she assumed the rock somehow teleported her, but the sand and the wind of the sandstorm make it impossible for her to find the rock. where before it had been singing to her through the force, she couldn't feel anything now.

she has no choice but to try and find shelter from the storm and wait it out. she finds a sort of cave, a small hideout, so she sets up her small camp. having nothing else to do, she opens herself up to the force to meditate, hoping to locate the rock and find more information about her new situation. however, she instead discovers something she wasn't expecting: the faint and utterly familiar force prescence of one obi-wan kenobi

it feels damaged and weak, almost as if he'd cut himself off from the force somewhat, but there was no denying that it was obi-wan. ahsoka thanked the force for sending her to the rock, as she assumes it had just sent her to obi-wan and nothing else.

during this force meditation, she also discovers the planet that she's on is tatooine. this heavily reminds her of anakin, hearing echoes of their conversation as they crossed the desert from what seems like a million years ago.

once the storm settles, she makes her way through the tatooinian desert, and just as the suns are coming up and she knows she would need to find shelter, she happens upon the Lars farm.

she meets Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew, Luke. they are kind and good people, and do not hesitate to offer ahsoka a place to stay + some food and water. ahsoka rests up somewhat, but insists on helping them in return.

this part I haven't quite nailed out yet. tatooine side quest featuring ahsoka and luke doing whatever one does on a moisture farm. I assume ahsoka would offer technological help as she's a good mechanic (perks of master skywalker) so maybe they're going around and fixing vaporators?

that day and into the night, she and luke really hit it off. she learns more about tatooine and more about how they've been affect by the war. however from the way luke talks about it, the empire has been around as long as he can remember. this strikes ahsoka as extremely odd, and wonders what else is going on, but fixing things doesn't leave much room for another galaxy warping revelation, so she doesn't dwell on it immediately.

she and luke discuss kind of everything. they become buddies bc that's important to me. the next day, she tells them she's looking for obi-wan kenobi. "do you know someone named obi-wan kenobi?" luke does his little "do you think she means old ben kenobi?" number which is fun n nostalgic hehe.

owen seems to freeze. he hasn't heard that name in quite some time, and it doesn't exactly conjure pleasant memories. he reluctantly agrees to let luke point her in the right direction, and she buys a speeder from them (they try to give it to her but she insists on paying. ahsoka ftw)

ahsoka manages to avoid the tuskens on her way into the jundland wastes and runs into.... this really old dude. this is when she really has to confront the time travel of it all. she and obi-wan have a Talk. there's still a little bad blood between them considering obi-wan was on the council that condemned her without remorse or apology, but they're both so relieved to see the other alive.

ahsoka learns that it's been 19 years since order 66, since the empire took over. she remembers the day it happened, what only feels like 2 years ago to her.

she mentions that luke helped her find him, and obi-wan freezes. this obviously gets noticed by ahsoka, and obi-wan drops the real bomb on her: luke is anakin and padmé's son. obi-wan tells her that anakin died in order 66 and padmé died with the rebellion, that he's here both to hide out and to protect luke. she remarks in her head that the whole chosen one thing is ridiculous, that pinning the entire galaxy's hopes on a nineteen year old kid that up until now obi-wan has refused to even CONSIDER training (skywalker trauma lolz) but she can sense the strong emotions from him, that he wouldn't have it in him to stand up to the empire alone, so she drops it.

as to how padmé died: i hate the way that she dies in the prequels so I am deleting it. this is my canon. she actually survives and stays with the rebellion for a good 3-5 years before she's killed in a rebel vs. empire conflict. ahsoka is especially devastated to learn about her death from obi-wan (who bail organa risked communication with to tell him, as he was also close with padmé).

she and obi-wan spar, both to get Ahsoka's mind off of the everything about this situation and because it's been so long since either of them have been around another jedi. it's cathartic for both of them. (ahsoka beats obi-wan easily btw haha)

obi-wan offers to officially knight her as a jedi knight, as that was what the council had intended after the whole fiasco and he says "you're just as experienced and powerful as I was when I was knighted." but ahsoka declines. she isn't ready to be considered a jedi yet, and may never be.

this is when a new hope really starts. obi-wan and ahsoka find luke unconscious in the jundland wastes, and that sequence goes pretty much the same. r2 is beeping and trilling like crazy because ahsoka!!!!!! that's one of his best friends!!!!!!! luke is like "you know this droid?" and ahsoka freezes, because how exactly does she explain to the nice dude she met yesterday that actually she's from 17 years in the past and was very close with both of his parents, who both were extremely close to r2?

she does in fact explain all of that to him when they get to obi-wan's house. she has no idea how she got here or why, but she did know anakin skywalker and padmé amidala naberrie, and tells him as much as she remembers about them. luke misses both of his parents like an ache in his chest, wishing more than anything he could have known them.

obi-wan offers his own perspective on it, and tells how anakin died (which ahsoka is just as eager to know). obi-wan, on the spot, says that another jedi fell to the dark side and joined sidious, and that anakin died defending the temple. (he obviously couldn't say that vader was his pupil, because ahsoka would see through that immediately.)

luke asks why he couldn't have lived with his mother in the rebellion, but obi-wan says that she wanted him to be safe from the galactic conflict and stay with anakin's family. (which is partially true, but the whole sith-sensing-the-overly-powerful-skywalkers was a big factor as well.) obi-wan says he's truly sorry that luke never got to know her.

after learning about the message r2 brought, ahsoka knows she has to get to the rebellion however possible and rejoin the fight. obi-wan agrees, and gives his little elevator pitch to luke about becoming a jedi and joining the rebellion. when obi-wan gives luke the lightsaber, a million memories with anakin flash through ahsoka's head. luke still comes to same conclusion at the end of that conversation: he's willing to guide them out of tatooine, but he can't join the galactic conflict, at least not now.

however, as they're leaving, they find the destroyed jawa crawler. luke, as before, realizes it means the stormtroopers found his family. ahsoka knows that only despair waits there for him, and urges him not to go, but when he doesn't back down hops in the speeder with him (for protection and emotional support).

luke gets to have more emotions about the fact that the empire killed his /entire family./ ahsoka doesn't try and use it to convince him to go, only offers to help him bury them. she openly uses the force to move things around and make things easier, while luke is still in shock, almost numb. they're buried next to shmi and cliegg.

luke is ANGRY at the empire. he is PISSED. he decides to go with them to fight not because he longs for adventure, but because he wants to hit the empire where it hurts. ahsoka can recognize that isn't the thought process of a jedi, but she feels the exact same way after learning about anakin and padmé.

now it's mos eisley time. i feel like han would definitely like/admire ahsoka at first, but ahsoka would not like him. she finds him deplorable and a little annoying, and joins in on the whole bagging on the falcon jokes. this leads to han getting his feelings hurt and he's like fine :( we are not friends then >:(.

the interesting thing is that chewie and ahsoka actually know each other! they were both kidnapped by bossk and hunted for sport in that one clone wars arc, so they're both like "oh hey person who was there for one of the most terrifying and traumatic times in my life! what's up!" they become fast friends yet again, and chewie is like "wow you did not age at all. are you sure you're not a wookiee?"

on the millennium falcon, she and obi-wan get started on luke's training. he asks her about his parents constantly (what they were like, what they did, where they came from, etc). she also talks about what the jedi were like (providing a less rose-colored-glasses perspective, but still with a lot of positives).

she feel the same pain obi-wan does right before they get to alderaan, and can feel bail and breha organa in particular (having known them fairly well after the ahsoka novel).

they get pulled into the death star's tractor beam. ahsoka can feel the cold and horrible presence of vader, a sick dread building in her the closer they get to it. they go to hide under the floorboards of the falcon. han knows how the empire operates better than anyone, which ahsoka is shocked to learn is much different than the Republic or the empire she remembers. (i imagine she lived in a more transitional period, so while the empire was terrible during her time, they were only getting started.)

she tries to go with obi-wan to shut off the power beam, but obi-wan still does his "I must go alone" little number. sensing the end of something, but not what it is, she hugs him goodbye. he's still obi-wan and she missed him dreadfully. he tells her to protect luke.

she along with luke refuses to indulge han's obi-wan slander, and when han says "great at getting us into trouble!" she says "you should have met anakin."

then it's princess rescue time as it should be. that goes exactly the same except ahsoka is much better at defending them from the stormtroopers lol. leia still does the blasting and "somebody has to save our skins!" line because I love that

ahsoka can tell immediately that leia is padmé's daughter. she had probably heard of leia, being in the rebellion for about six months before time traveling, but now having met her it's completely obvious. she doesn't vocalize this immediately though, planning to discuss it with obi-wan.

yes I'm keeping the garbage monster scene because I think it's funny :)

ahsoka goes with han and chewie after the stormtroopers while luke and leia head for the ship. also ahsoka + han banter because I think it's funny

she can see obi-wan and vader's fight (which I'm hoping will be a lot more like their fight in rots. a new hope is incredible but the lightsaber fights got way better as time went on. their final fight deserves to be epic). she tries to run and help obi-wan but luke pulls her back. "he can handle it," he says. "we need you to help us get to the falcon."

however when obi-wan is killed, both of them are distraught. his voice appears in ahsoka's head, telling her not to face vader yet, telling her to run. chewie literally has to hold her back and carry her to the ship.

they blast their way out of the death star, none of them having the time to dwell on what just happened.

ahsoka and luke are both numb. luke lost 3 parental figures in one day, and obi-wan's death after going through order 66 just brings it allll up again. leia is also hanging out in the numb dead parents circle, because her entire planet got blown up today and obi-wan's death just feels like another nail in the coffin. all three of them can sort of feel each other's emotions, and unconsciously they're comforting each other with the force. it's a healing moment for all three of them

han is kind of awkwardly standing in the background. "there wasn't anything any of you could have done," he says, in a rare show of emotion. (i like han wanting to help them despite his i-don't-care-about-anything facade.)

this doesn't stop him from saying he's only in it for the money later though. leia gets to blow up at him about it same as in the movie because she deserves it methinks.

they make it to the rebellion, and a few of the people who've been in it from the beginning recognize her (mon mothma maybe?). I also like the idea of ahsoka being something of rebellion legend, having been one of the last jedi who presumably died fighting the empire for the rebellion.

also general hera syndulla gets to be there bc i love her. she is the one who shows the plans to the pilots and explains the plan. she also references the rogue one crew because i love them also.

ahsoka in an x-wing with the red team attempting to blow up the death star. when vader makes an appearance, she can sense him in the starfighter nearby them, the same cold and evil presence. she personally goes to fight vader and defends the rest of the team from him, somehow falling into a perfect rhythm and anticipating every move. she doesn't kill him obviously, but she gets close. the things that happen stay the same: they sustain heavy casualties, she survives the battle, han comes back to save the day, luke is the one who blows up the death star.

luke, han, chewie, and ahsoka get medals in the end, because each of them were instrumental in the blowing up of the death star (and a lot more pilots survive thanks to Ahsoka's defense). there are references to the phineas and ferb star wars special because I want it.

there's a bit after the official end of a new hope in which she's talking to Luke like "I can't stay. this isn't my timeline. I have to go back. and if I can go back, maybe I can try and save the jedi. maybe I can fix things." however luke changes her mind. "maybe you're in this timeline for a reason. maybe NOW is when you can change things. I would've died without you in the battle of yavin. plus, how am I supposed to become a jedi without you?" luke + leia + han + chewie + r2 + 3po all convince her to stay. they are all very attached to ahsoka at this point, and ahsoka realizes she doesn't really want to leave them either.

also. because the battle is over and they all have a moment to breathe, she tells leia that she's positive she's padmé and anakin's daughter too, not just because of the physical resemblence but also her force sensitivity. there's no doubt about it.

ahsoka agrees to train both of them in what she knows, though she warns that she wasn't a master or even a knight.

it ends with the whole crew hanging out on the falcon (han, leia, luke, chewie, r2, c-3po, and ahsoka)

those are my bullet points for the episode IV section of this! if people want to see where this goes in the rest of the trilogy let me know I have so many notes about this au

also tagging: @togrutanduin @padme--amygdala @bisexualobiwanrights @grimthejedisith @senator-nahberries you get to watch me lose my mind in real time <3

#word count: 3.0k #and this is only the first installment if I ever write this it's going to be so long #the original trilogy #ahsoka tano #luke skywalker #it's loving ahsoka hours #luke is my favorite himbo #my writing #? never used that tag before maybe I should?#ryn dot fic #ryn dot text

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angst-fairygodmother · 3 years

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Idiot (Affectionate) ~ A Bad Samaritan Fic

CHAPTER FOUR: MAYBE

Pairing: Derek Sandoval x (fem)Reader Word Count: 3388 Rating: M - drinking/alcohol, making out, foreplay? (it’s not smut...but it almost is), canon-typical language, brief non-graphic reference to vomit A/N: aka how many near-misses and almost kisses can these two have Hopefully it’s not unclear, skips vs breaks...

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

“When did those two get together?” Riley asked, gesturing toward where Derek and Y/N sat facing each other on the floor, engaged in some sort of fierce, silent contest.

“They’re not,” Sean said with a shrug, so used to the pair pulling off on their own that he didn’t even notice anymore. He didn’t bother to mention that the only reason they weren’t was because they were both too stubborn to be the first to crack and admit it.

“With the amount of eye-fucking going on over there, are you sure there’s not…”

“Lalala!” Sean cried, slapping his hands over his ears and making a face of disgust.

You glanced up, puzzled, as you heard your cousin’s exclamation. He was sitting with Riley, curled up together, being disgustingly cute. Only she had apparently said something he didn’t want to hear, and he was being childish about it.

“I told you I’d win,” Derek crowed.

“That’s not fair!” you whined, turning your attention back to him.

“You lost bro, just admit I’m right.”

“No. I’m not gonna do that. A staring contest doesn’t even make sense to settle this. Also Qui-Gon was objectively a better jedi than Obi Wan and that’s not debatable.” You punctuated your words by tapping the back of your knuckles in the curled palm of the other hand.

“You just like him better because he’s Irish. I can’t believe you’re defending the prequels,” he shook his head, as if ashamed of you. “Next you’re going to say that Anakin and Padme made sense!”

“No. Of course not! Young, hot, bearded Ewan McGregor was right there! Anakin had to turn evil before he got sexy.” You fought back a grin as your argument got more passionate.

“Let’s settle this with an arm wrestle,” he stated, face impassive and serious.

“What is that going to prove?” you voice rose an octave with your confusion and disbelief.

“Nothin,” he said, dropping his voice low. “Maybe I just want an excuse to hold your hand again.”

You felt your face growing flushed and warm under the intensity of his smolder.

“Smooth,” you muttered begrudgingly, not wanting to stroke his ego too much. “Fine. Clear the coffee table.”

“Are they arguing about Star Wars?” Riley asked incredulously, and Sean shrugged. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since the four of them spent any real time together, but this was the first she was witnessing the new, bizarre friendship between Derek and Y/N.

“For now. They’ll cycle through at least four more topics before they come up for air. This one’s pop culture so the next should be…” he tapped his chin, thinking. “Health care reform? Which they agree on but find ways to shout anyway.”

As if on cue, the back of Derek’s hand slapped the coffee table, defeated, and Y/N started in on a furious rant about how incarcerating addicts and forcing them to quit was like slapping a bandaid onto someone who’d been impaled.

“Looks like you had the wrong topic,” Riley said, eyebrows knitted in confusion. “But you were close. Do they...do this often?”

“Argue? All the time.” Sean shrugged. It never really meant anything.

“So, how are we going to get them together?”

“No.” He took stock of the stubborn look on her face and grimaced. “Riley, no. I am not meddling.”

“Then you don’t have to,” she looked smug. “I will.”

-------

Seeing you coming, plates in hand, Derek rushed to hold open the door. You nodded in thanks, a small smile on your face.

“No one’s eating the carbonara tonight, bring the boys some carbonara,” you said, doing your best impression of Nino.

“I feel like we should be insulted that Nino only feeds us the food he thinks is going to waste,” Sean observed, accepting one of the plates.

“If you want to complain about free food, dawg, be my guest, but I am just going to be grateful for it, and our smokin’ waitress bringin it out to us,” Derek winked at you as he spoke, taking the other plate, and you rolled your eyes.

“You know, the rest of us have to go to the kitchen if we want to eat, but you lucky ducks,” you shook your fist playfully and rolled your eyes, “get waited on.”

“And we appreciate it, Y/N,” Sean said earnestly. “You know we do.”

“If you’re not careful, I’ll start expecting a tip for this.”

Derek smirked, despite the pasta shoveled into his mouth, and looked like he was about to say something.

“Don’t,” Sean warned him, looking weary.

“If whatever you’re about to say is an innuendo, it dies or you do,” you scolded.

Derek stuck out his lower lip and pouted.

“Nino also said to tell you to prepare for a rush in about fifteen, and then you can clock out early. One of the sous chefs got sick everywhere so we have to shut down the kitchen. Your plates were among the last to make it out alive.”

“Has he got the flu or something?” Sean asked, casting a suspicious eye at his dinner anyway.

You rolled your eyes. “No. But did you hear that whiskey’s a clear liquor now? Nino’s not impressed by the magic trick.”

Derek laughed. “How stupid can you get? Call Riley up, dawg. Let’s do something.”

“He has a point,” you said, shrugging. “As much as it pains me to say.”

“Like what?” Sean asked skeptically.

“We’re young and gorgeous, well most of us are,” you smirked and made a so-so gesture at Derek, “and it’s a Friday night in Portland. I’m sure we can find something to do.”

You glanced down at your outfit. “When you call Riley, see if she’s got something less...uniform-y I can borrow?”

“When I said not my uniform, I expected to still be wearing clothes…” you hissed, holding up the dress Riley had brought you skeptically. It was so short and so low cut, you weren’t sure it wasn’t split completely down the middle.

“It’ll look great on you, Y/N, trust me,” she implored, ushering you toward one of the stalls to change. “And I guarantee a certain someone won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you grumbled, cheeks flushing hotly, giving in to her persuasion.

A few minutes later, the pair of you were walking back out of the restaurant, and you shivered as the evening air hit your exposed skin.

“Well, shall we get going?” you asked, catching Derek and Sean’s attention.

Derek’s jaw dropped as he turned and caught sight of you, in a way that would have been comedic if it had been directed at anyone else.

“You’re staring,” Sean hissed through clenched teeth after a moment of awkward silence.

“Uh, yeah I am. Daaamn,” Derek muttered, looking you up and down appreciatively and letting out a low whistle.

You almost turned on the spot and fled, maybe back inside to change or maybe across the country to assume a new identity you weren’t quite sure, but Riley’s hand on your back stopped you.

“This is a...different look, for both of you,” Sean observed, choosing his words very carefully. “It’s good,” he leaned in toward Riley with a smirk, “really good.”

You rolled your eyes dramatically as the two of them met in a kiss, thankfully only brief, before cuddling into each other as all four of you started walking. You fell into easy step with Derek behind your cousin and his girlfriend.

“They’re insufferably cute together,” you muttered, making him laugh.

“D’ya think maybe you’re jealous?” he teased.

“Of Sean?” you pretended to think it over before shrugging. “Not really. I mean Riley’s pretty but she’s not really my type.”

“I meant cus they’ve got someone. Ya know, to be cute and shit with.”

“Is that something couples do when they’ve been together a long time? They shit together?” You fought to keep a straight face long enough to deliver your question.

His face screwed up with disgust even as he laughed. “That’s not what I meant! You know it’s not!”

“Do I? You seem to think you know a lot about what I know.”

“Alright, I get it. I know when my question’s bein dodged. I can take a hint.”

“Not all of them,” you muttered under your breath, before flashing him a smile and changing the topic for the rest of the walk.

“A gorgeous creature like you shouldn’t languish by the bar,” the goateed hipster said, laying on the alleged charm heavy, and you fought a roll of your eyes. “You should be dancing.”

“Maybe I’m waiting for the right partner,” you shot back, leaning away from him as he leaned in, closer than he needed to be to be heard.

“So do you want to dance?”

“Nope. I’m still waiting.” You collected the drink that had just been served to you, waiting to see if he was clueless.

“What?” he frowned in confusion.

“I’m not interested in you,” you whispered dramatically, as if you were revealing some great secret to him.

“Whatever,” he scoffed, moving on down the bar to the next girl.

Derek watched the exchange from the booth, glowering and trying not to grip his beer too tight. Sean shook his head, leaning over to his friend.

“He’s not her type,” your cousin said, making his best friend frown. “Don’t be stupid tonight, Derek.”

It was the closest Sean had come to giving his friend advice when it came to you, and the most reassuring thing he could have done. It wasn’t quite approval, but it was enough to tell Derek that pursuing the girl he wanted wasn’t going to cost him their friendship.

When you returned to the table, Derek impulsively caught your wrist lightly as you set your drink down.

“Dance?” he asked, tilting his head.

You were grateful for the low lights around you so he couldn’t see your facial expression, and you couldn’t see Sean and Riley’s.

“I’d love to,” you smiled, biting your lip.

“Perfect,” he breathed, sliding out and leading you out onto the floor.

As soon as you found a spot in the crowd, it was like a switch flipped. There was no awkwardness, no questions or doubts, just the two of you, moving together. If someone had asked you about it later, you would say it was the alcohol that made you drape your arms around his neck loosely, made you press close as his hands circled your waist. His hips shimmied and swayed, clearly not his first rodeo, and you couldn't help tracing the patterns they drew in the air as you tried your best to keep up.

A hideously pop-y song started and you rolled your eyes, inclined normally to abandon the dance floor until something else came on. And then you realized that Derek was singing along, his voice rumbling through you where your chests touched. His eyes bore down into yours, like every lyric was meant for you, and somehow they immediately became your favorite.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” you mused, as you both paused later to get another drink and catch your breath, leaning close together on the bar.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“You sing, you clearly know how to dance based on those moves. You managed to make me...not hate that song. Plus you’ve got that whole sweet, funny, charming thing…you’re kind of the whole, perfect package...” you grumbled sulkily.

“I don’t know how to juggle?” he offered, smiling.

You snapped your fingers. “Well damn. That’s a dealbreaker. Guess you don’t have a shot after all.”

Just then your drink arrived and you accepted it gratefully, marvelling at the bartender’s perfect timing for the second time that evening. Holding eye contact with Derek, you smirked slightly, sipping your cocktail through the straw, and then turned to head back over to Sean and Riley.

“Wait, what’d you just say?” he said, chasing after you despite having not gotten his own drink yet.

“I think you heard me.

“So if I knew how to juggle…”

“Maybe I might let you do more than make up lame excuses to hold my hand,” you leaned to purr the words in his ear, pausing long enough that if he just turned his head your lips would collide.

But he didn't turn. He froze, considering the implication of your statement, watching your retreating back (wonderfully sexily bare in that dress). Then he went back to the bar and pulled out his phone while he waited for his beer, typing into the search bar ‘easy juggling tutorials.’

-------

“I’m a moron,” you moaned, throwing your arm across your face. “I’m a failure.”

You let your memo slip from the other hand and flutter to the floor beside Derek. He picked it up, trying to ignore the scant inches between your faces as you hung off the side of your bed dramatically.

“Girl, this says you got a C. That’s not failing,” he pointed out, eyes skimming the myriad of red ink marks.

“Do you know what a C means in law school, Derek? It means, ‘your work is shit, and we gave you pity points to keep you from dragging the class average down.’” You sighed. “I should just drop out. I could probably become a fishmonger. I don't know what they do but it's probably not write research memos.”

“I got you a job in the feesh factory.” he said in an exaggerated (and terrible) Russian accent.

You lowered your arm to peer incredulously at him.

“It was the first thing that came to mind, thought it would cut the tension,” he said with a shrug.

“Did you just...you’re trying to cheer me up by quoting a Disney movie at me. In my time of crisis?”

“Technically Anastasia’s not owned by The Mouse.”

“You’re adorable.” You drawled.

Color crept over him, staining the tips of his ears pink. You studied him carefully, and eventually he squirmed under the scrutiny.

“It was my sister’s favorite movie, so we watched it a lot. Stop judging.”

“Not judging. Yet. You have some knowledge, apparently, but the real test: The Genie or Batty?”

“That’s a joke right?”

You rolled over onto your stomach, propping your chin on your hands as you waited for an answer.

“Ferngully was the real shit. I could probably still do the rap if I tried.”

“Okay.” You looked at him expectantly and he frowned.

“What?”

“Go on then. Sing it.” You gestured toward the center of the room with one hand, like it was a stage you were directing it toward.

“Do you have the music? I can’t sing without accompaniment.”

“Who do you take me for?” you asked, smiling and pulling up the karaoke track version on your phone.

A minute later, you paused it, cutting him short with a click of your tongue.

“That’s not how it goes,” you said certainly.

“Yes it is,” he argued.

“No. The next lyric is ‘vivisectified and fed pesticides.’ You skipped part of it.”

“It is not! Just cus your big lawyer brain has some weird thing where you have to add fancy words to understand somethin…”

“How dare you!” you gasped, scandalized.

You continued to argue back and forth and around in circles for several minutes, neither of you willing to stand down. At some point, you had pushed yourself up, kneeling on the bed to tower over his still sitting form on the floor. Then he stood up, making him the taller one again. Your faces were so close you could practically feel each other’s breath as you devolved into “Did not!” “Did too!”

Suddenly, you gave into nearly omnipresent impulse, grabbing him by the edges of his half-zipped hoodie and dragging him closer, closing the distance between you. You didn’t give yourself even a second to think, or overthink, and crashed your lips together. He made a muffled, confused noise, before meeting your fervor, reaching up to cradle the back of your neck in his hand and holding you close.

“Are you going to admit I’m right?” you muttered teasingly when you broke apart a moment later.

“Yeah,” he breathed, eyes fluttering open and clearly not fully processing what you had even said.

“Good,” you answered, kissing him again before he could reconsider.

His free arm wrapped around your lower back, and you slid yours up across his shoulders lazily. As your kiss was deepening, you felt the world tilting, the pair of you falling backwards onto the bed. You gasped, mouth opening and giving him the opportunity to slip his tongue inside. Like everything else between you, it became a battle, as you pushed back and twined together. One of your legs hooked around his. His hand on your back began to explore, sliding out from under you to toy at the hem of your shirt.

You drew back, head pressing into the pillow to look at him. His pupils were blown wide, parted lips kiss-swollen and red. His entire expression burned with desire that you were pretty sure was reflected back on your own face.

“Fuck it,” you breathed, reaching down to tug the garment over your head.

“Shit…” he whined, looking down at your bare chest, swallowing nervously.

“You don’t have to just look,” you offered, suddenly nervous at being so vulnerable beneath him.

“But I wanna look, just for a sec. You're...I've never seen someone so beautiful.”

“You're just saying that cus I got my tits out.”

“No,” he shook his head. “No I'm not.”

You felt your face heating and fought the urge to cover yourself back up. He bent to kiss you again hungrily, the hand at your neck fluttering downward, tracing the slope of your neck and curve of your collarbone before sliding over your breast. He squeezed softly, as if testing the waters and you bit back a moan, and then he began to massage and knead it.

He drew back again, leaving you panting as he tossed aside his jacket and shirt, kicking off his shoes and shifting so you were both more comfortably centered on the bed.

“Derek,” you whined impatiently when you caught him staring again.

He looked down at you, surprised by the sound, and you cocked an eyebrow. He answered with a smirk and then his face disappeared between the mounds of your chest, kissing a trail along your sternum, circling under first one and then the other. He was teasing you, and it felt like bliss.

It wasn’t long before he had you writhing beneath him, gasping out his name and the occasional explicative in time with each pass of his lips over your nipples, sucking and nipping at them at seemingly random. Your head felt fuzzy and you could feel the gathering fire at your core.

You toyed with the waistband of his boxers, thinking about how little now separated the two of you, how maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to remove those barriers. After all. You knew Derek. You were attracted to Derek. You trusted Derek to take good care of you, to do what you wanted and only that. And you wanted him to do so much.

Before you could reach a decision, your phone started going off, humming distractingly across the floorboards where it had fallen.

He sighed as you groped blindly around for it, not wanting to move out from under him for fear that it would break whatever spell you were in.

“I’ll just turn that off and…” you promised, sheepish smile morphing to an expression of panic when you saw that it was Riley calling.

“Fuck! It’s Thursday! I was supposed to meet her for coffee twenty minutes ago,” you groaned.

“I’m not going to be able to convince you to play hooky, am I?” he asked, defeated.

“I’m sorry…” you grimaced.

“Rain check then?”

“I don’t think it works like that. But...maybe,” you answered, tone making it clear that maybe didn’t mean maybe.

He laughed, rolling off of you and sitting up to find his clothes.

“Vivesectified,” you whispered in his ear, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek at the doorstep, bouncing away down the steps before he could retaliate.

#am I witty? I don't know but I try #technically could have been 3 separate things #but I smashed them all together for you #since there are reoccurring themes and also I could slow burn this for 100 years or I can move onward #I also could have just kept one and relegated the others to the scrap heap but they've got cute bits #I like cute bits #Idiot (Affectionate)#Derek Sandoval x reader #Bad Samaritan fic

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padme-parker · 4 years

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no regrets [AU!Anakin Skywalker x Reader]

Summary: You leave Anakin, only a letter in your place.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: some swear words I think, angst, mentions of cancer, some fluff if you look hard enough, this is pretty fucking cliche btw!

A/N: so I was listening to Lewis Capaldi’s discography and that shit was so sad. Like all of his songs are so fucking sad that it inspired me to write this. Mainly the songs: “Forever”, “Fade.”, “Before You Go.” and “Headspace.” (I highly suggest listening to his songs while ur reading!) along with a handful of songs I was listening to while writing this. Also this is my first time uploading my writing so forgive me if it's all over the place. I was just excited to write this lol.

The thumping of the bass made his ears ring, that’s the first thing Anakin noticed when he got home. He was totally and completely shitfaced, drunk out of his mind. The next thing he noticed was the deafening silence. Sure, it was midnight but he knew how much of a night owl you were. He also knew how much you loved to paint at night, a slight breeze from the open window, and music quietly playing in the background. Loud enough just to be heard by the two of you, quiet enough so he could hear the stroke of your brush against the canvas. Oftentimes he would come up behind you, lightly grasping your hips and began to sway along to the music. And some nights he would just sit back and watch you. However tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight would be different, and the next night, and the night after that. Anakin walked towards the bedroom, careful not to wake you just in case you were asleep. When he walked into the room, his eyes immediately searched for you, but landed upon emptiness, that’s when it caught his attention. The last thing he noticed was the envelope placed upon his pillow.

Grasping the envelope, Anakin took out its content. It was a letter, just for his eyes.

Dear Anakin,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Believe me, I wish I could’ve done this in person but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As I write this letter, you’ll be out celebrating with Obi Wan and Padme. Enjoying life, that’s what you should be doing. And I know it must be shitty to come home to this, but I just couldn’t leave while you were still here. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. But you deserve to know this.

The truth is, I don’t love you anymore, Anakin. I’m not sure when I fell out of love with you, but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay and drag you down with me. Sometimes I wonder how we got here, how I got us here. Then I remembered why, him. In the past six months I met someone else. At first we were just friends. But there was something between us, a connection. The second I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, there you were. Anakin, you were- and still are my world, but he’s my whole fucking universe. Without him I feel like I’d cease to exist. Each day, the more I fell in love with him, the more I fell out of love with you. Until one day, I came to my senses and realized what the hell I was doing. All those days I spent with him, coming home late at night, you never questioned me. Stars Anakin, I’m so sorry I took advantage of your trust. I never thought we’d end up like this. I never thought this would happen.

You deserve to be happy. But we both know that’s not something I can give you. You deserve to be able to move on without ever having to see me again. That’s why I’ve decided to leave. Not just move out of the apartment, or town, but move out of state altogether. Please don’t come looking for me.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Anakin, I love you so much, but we’re just not meant to be. You were my epic love, not my soulmate. But remember, you’re still someone who had a huge impact on my life. I don’t think I could ever forget you, nor do I think that I want to. I know that even on my deathbed, I’ll be thinking of you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N

P.S. take the time you need Anakin, but don’t get hung up on me. There are people out there who love you, you just don’t see it yet.

He let out a sharp breath, dropping the letter, and began to sob. For the next hour, all he could do was cry. He struggled to breathe, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Was I not enough? He wanted to scream, but chose not to, sparing his neighbors from hearing his sorrows. Anakin was spiraling, he was heaving now. Struggling to breathe he crawled out of his room and into the living room. Your painting materials still left in the corner, easel propped up, and miscellaneous pieces of art scattered across his home.

Anakin couldn’t escape from you, you were unknowingly ripping the air out of his lungs. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of you. It was ironic really, how was he supposed to move on if he had to see everything that reminded him of you.

A couple of years passed since you disappeared from Anakin’s life. He had moved on but deep down inside he never really did recover. He was sad at first, but then became angry. How could you use him like this? But of course, like you promised, there were people there for him. Obi Wan and Padme had always been there for him, especially Padme. She was the first one to check up on him when he wasn’t returning their calls. The first to get him to stop crying, the first to cheer him up, the first to get him to go out again, and the first person to say “I love you.” since you’d left. Anakin had felt like he was betraying you, he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t you, but then he remembered what you did and said. He had the right to move on with someone else.

When Anakin felt like he was ready, six month after your breakup, he asked Padme to be his girlfriend. A year and a half later, he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. Nine months later, they welcomed their twins into the world.

Both Obi Wan and Padme had been there by his side, along with Dean. He met Dean at the bar, both of them looking like shit. It started with a simple nod, then their small group of three now had four people. Dean became close to Obi Wan and Padme too, helping Anakin to return to his life before you left. It was going well until today.

Anakin moved out of his old apartment a long time ago. He donated most of your belongings and sold your paintings. Except for one. It was a painting that the two of you had created together. A minimal black outline of your silhouettes from your favorite photo together. Simple, but it had meaning to it. The picture itself was taken at a party, a drink in your hand while Anakins was thrown over your shoulder. You were smiling at the camera, drink aimed towards it. However, Anakin was looking at you, a big goofy smile on his face. If there was one memory of you he wanted to keep, it was that one. So instead of selling the painting, he kept it. Obviously he didn’t hang it up, instead he kept in it buried deep inside his closet. Only taking it out whenever he really missed you.

Even though he kept the painting, every aspect of you was completely erased. It’s like you never existed to him. Instead of lining the halls with pictures of the two of you, they were filled with pictures of Anakin and Padme. A small polaroid of them on their first date. A picture at the bar of Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Dean. A bunch of wedding pictures. And finally, pictures of his family. He’d memorized every corner of his new home, never wanting to forget about it because he knew at any given moment, his life could be ripped from his fingers. Everything had been ingrained into his memory, from the toys scattered across the floor to the pristine kitchen. Where Padme was currently making dinner, “Hey Ani, you’ve got some mail, I put it on the table.” He walked towards the table and picked up the envelope, he could recognize your handwriting. Anakin felt like the world was playing a sick joke on him, after all these years, why would you write back now?

“Hey Padme, I’m gonna go change real quick.” He didn’t wait for Padme’s reply before he ran off to his closet, he knew he needed to be alone when he read its contents. Locking the door, he ripped open the envelope and took out your letter.

Anakin,

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but you deserve to know the truth. The real reason as to why I left. By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Remember how I told you that I had met someone new? That was a lie. In those six month, I was at multiple doctors' offices getting tested. I knew something was wrong with me but none of the doctors could tell me why. Until one was able to. I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, the chances of me surviving were low. That’s why I left.

Anakin’s eyes went wide, the paper shaking in his hands. “Cancer… she has..” he whispered to himself, he could feel the tears starting to roll down his face. All this time, he hated her for something she never did.

I knew how much you wanted to have a family, and it was something I wanted to give you. But when I found out that I couldn’t do that, I knew you’d be crushed. This was something we both had dreamed of. It was easier for me to make up a lie. I wouldn’t allow myself to put the both of us through this pain. You shouldn’t have to bear my burdens. I wasn’t going to let you waste your life away trying to take care of me. So I hid the truth from you and left like a coward. Understand that I needed you to hate me, Anakin. That you wouldn’t come looking for me or just expect me to come back one day. Even though I did want to come back, I had to hold myself back. I knew you were going to move on eventually.

Do you remember the guy I was talking about? The one who I was so “madly in love with” that I left you? Yeah, well his name is Dean, He’s one of the nurses who was taking care of me during those six months, and for the past couple years he’s been my eyes. Anakin, I never fell out of love with you. Even as I lay on my deathbed, you’re all I can think about.

Dean says that you’ve moved on and married Padme. I’m going to be honest, at first I was shocked and a little sad. But then I remembered why I did this in the first place. Anakin, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Even when we were still together I could tell how much love she had for you. She didn’t act on her feelings because I was still there, which I’m grateful for. But once I left, she saw the opportunity to comfort you, so she did. You looked at me like I was your whole world, but Padme, she looks at you like your her whole damn universe. Truth is, you weren’t my world, you’re my fucking universe Anakin, even if you don’t know it. You weren’t just my epic love, to me, you were my soulmate. But you and Padme? The two of you are soulmates, made for eachother. Dean has shown me pictures of the two of you. I’ve never seen you so happy, even when we were together. I know she brings out a side of you that I was never able to.

There was a point where I was getting better and I wanted to come back. To apologize and maybe try again, but Dean advised against doing so. At that moment in time, you had just proposed to Padme. Who was I to come back into your life just to take away your happiness? So I watched from afar. I watched as you went on with your life and completely forgot about me. And I did it with a smile on my face, because you were happy. Anakin, simply knowing that you were happy and content with your life made me happy, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. For a while, I was better. Then it got worse, my cancer got more aggressive. From there, I was condemned in my own home.

As the months went on, I got more sick and closer to death. After your wedding, Dean came over to my place and showed me videos of you and Padme. I couldn’t help but let out a few tears, you were getting everything you wanted. I really wish I could’ve been there to see you, Ani, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your wedding. I was so ecstatic for you when I’d heard that you were having a child! Twins nonetheless, you must’ve been radiating joy. I really am happy for you Anakin. I only wanted the best for you.

Do you remember the night on the rooftop? You cooked dinner for us on our two year anniversary. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. Do you also remember what we promised to each other? “No regrets.” As simple as it was, I broke our promise, Ani. I regret not telling you. I regret leaving you. I regret ever hurting you. Anakin, I am deeply sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Do you regret not looking for me?

Anakin stopped reading for a second to think, did he regret how things played out? He wiped his tears before continuing,

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to stay with you, Anakin, but I couldn’t let myself. I hope the universe will continue giving you what you want, because you deserve it, Ani. You deserve to be happy.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

P.S. somewhere across the stars and galaxies, I’ll be watching over you. I’ll always be with you.

Anakin dropped to the floor, the letter along with him. Muffled sobs could be heard on the other side of the door, but Padme was too preoccupied to hear. Why didn’t I go after her? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I notice? He asked himself. The truth was that Anakin did regret not going after you, he regretted not trying to get closure from you. Because he knew that if he had gone after you, you would’ve told him the truth. He knew you would tell him the truth because he knew that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him. That’s why you left, only leaving a letter behind. And he knew if you told him the truth, he would have forgiven you. He would’ve spent the rest of his life, right next to you. Making sure you were alright. Anakin knew he would’ve taken you back in a heartbeat, because he still loves you. Even after you falsely broke his heart and left him, his love for you outweighed the hate he felt.

He got up somberly walking towards the hidden painting. He took it into his hands along with another object. He sat back down, now clutching the memory to his chest. His heart felt heavy, but nothing felt heavier than the small black velvet box resting upon his grasp.

“No regrets, huh?”

(A/N): Okay so I know that the goodbye letter is all over the place, but if I was writing a letter to someone I love, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to process properly. So forgive me if some of it seemed random, I’m still new to this stuff. I also feel like this is very cliche but when I heard Forever, my mind was immediately like “omg this song is good inspo for a sad fic.” I also feel like I should’ve added more flashbacks but I’m not sure where they would’ve been placed.... anyways I hope you enjoyed it :)

#anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker angst #anakin skywalker x reader angst #au!anakin #au!anakin skywalker #star wars

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meantforinfinitesadness · 3 years

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Five Winters Part 5

Here it is! The last part! This part takes place minutes after the last part ended!!!

Though their time at the party ended quickly, it was worth it. Cody had managed to get them through the kitchen and out the back door without anyone stopping them.

(Cody knew his father had something to do with it.)

The brisk air cleared away the panicked feeling from Obi-Wan. He breathed in deeply and shut his eyes. The snow fell softly around them and Cody snuck a glance at Obi-Wan.

With his eyes closed and his head turned up a bit to the sky, he looked breath-taking. The snow fell on his head and didn’t melt right away, leaving an almost enchanting look about him. His pale skin reddened slightly from the cold and his lips were quirked into a smile. The moonlight ignited his hair and when he blinked his eyes open, his eyes shone brightly as well.

“What a beautiful sight, don’t you think?” Obi-Wan asked, clearly talking about the calm, winter night around them. Cody, however, only had eyes for Obi-Wan.

“Yeah,” He said breathlessly. “You are.”

That caused Obi-Wan to whip his head around to Cody and a blush to heat up his cheeks even more.

Cody cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. His eyes slipped to the snow-covered ground and he took a deep breath to calm his nerves. His hand slipped into his pocket and grasped a small box that lay hidden within.

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Cody asked, his eyes lifting from the ground and up to the sky. He hears Obi-Wan snort from beside him and he turns his head to gaze at the other man. Obi-Wan has also turned his gaze back to the sky.

“How could I forget?” He questions in reply. “It was snowing just like it is now.” His voice gains a wistful tone to it as he thinks back to three years ago. “Someone caused the fire alarm to go off at some ungodly hour. I was ill-prepared for the wake-up call and left the warm embrace of my bed with only some slippers and a blanket on over my pajamas.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “You seemed to take pity on me and threw half of your ridiculously long scarf over my shoulders.” Obi-Wan pauses as he recalls that night. “It was the greatest moment of my life.” He admitted, though Cody already knew this.

“It was the same for me,” Cody says, shifting once again and taking another deep breath. His fingers toyed with the box for a few more seconds. “I saw you there with a glower on your face. You were shivering in your thin blanket. Your hair was messy and your eyes had circles under them. My scarf was definitely big enough for the two of us, and I didn’t want the extra length to go to waste.” Cody swallowed thickly. “I saw a stunning man in the moonlight with snow covering his hair. Much like right now.” Obi-Wan turned his face to him with a smile. “I saw you there, cold and angry at whatever idiot tripped the fire alarm, and I knew you were someone special. I knew you were someone I wanted to get to know, someone I could see myself with for a long time.” It wasn’t completely new information, but it was important to say again. “I know I made the right choice that night, in giving you half of my scarf.” Cody shifted to face Obi-Wan completely and felt his face drop into something serious. “These past three years have been the best three years of my life. I couldn’t imagine my life without you. So,” He pulled his hand out of his pocket, fell to one knee, opened the box, and asked with his heart pounding, “Obi-Wan Kenobi, will you marry me?”

Obi-Wan’s eyes shone with unshed tears and his lips quivered. He held out his shaking left hand and replied with a quick burst of tears, “Yes, of course.”

Cody laughed through his own tears and slid the simple ring onto Obi-Wan’s finger before rising and pulling his fiancè into a searing kiss.

#codywan #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #modern au #marriage proposal #kali writes

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nimsajlove · 3 years

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Brothers (IV)

Hey, I did it! Please just look past all the small mistakes, work has been hard and I don’t have more energy, to look much closer at mistakes than I already am.

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Brothers-AU Ao3

Part III , Part V

*~*

She was standing in front of the council with her hands clenched behind her back. She knew what to do. Her terms stood and she refused to leave the council alone to vote. Finally Plo Koon spoke up.

“I don't see, what would speak against it. It shows great selflessness, that she has returned.”, he said and finally, it was Master Windu of all people, who agreed with him. “I agree, having such control over your emotions deserves this reward.” Most of them quietly agreed, only a few voices turned against them. "I support this.", Obi-Wan Kenobi announced after a few seconds of the babble of voices and she looked up, her gaze met his and she winced as if she had been hit. He had also been her mentor and now she stood here, left alone by all the Jedi Masters. "All right, Padawan Tano.", Yoda agreed with a smile that actually eased the pain in her chest. A tiny bit.

* ~ *

Proud and somehow in tune with herself, she had returned to her old quarters in the temple and packed up her things. Her fingers tingled with excitement and she was electrified, when she looked in the mirror and saw her new robes. She only took off her headdress, it seemed wrong to present it after the betrayal. In the end, it was just another evidence of the weakness of so many. Her own, those of the Council… Since passing the exam two days ago, she wore a headdress that looked a little like the shape of the clone helmets, something she was very proud of!

The last few days had not been easy, but she knew what she was fighting for. Just as she finished thinking about it, there was a knock on her door and she opened it. It wasn't as if she could shut out the other Jedi from now on... Anakin Skywalker stood in front of her and a sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, the sight of him noticeably depressed her mood. "Master, how can I help you?", she asked cautiously and turned back to her small luggage. "I just wanted to tell you... I'm still proud of you.", Skywalker mumbled from behind her and she sighed, against her will the praise was like balm for her soul. But when he reached out to touch her shoulder, her back straightened and the alarm went off in her head. The last touch of a Jedi had ended in incredible pain, so she dodged him and stared at him. "Thank you Master.", she managed and saw the pain in his eyes, but found no strength in her, to overcome hers to alleviate his.

"What are you going to do now?", Anakin asked after a few seconds of silence, this was the easy part for her and she swung her small bag over her shoulder. “I’ll go get some men, there's a war out there and someone has to do something, right?” What Anakin Skywalker didn't expect was that she would simply demand most of Torrent.

* ~ *

"What do you plan to do with your men?", the chancellor asked calmly, watching Ahsoka straighten her back. “I'll be honest, I want to get these men of of the battlefield. If I could, I would save them all. I'm a Jedi, my job is to keep the peace and these clones have agreed to do the same.", she explained and observed her surroundings closely, one of the senators present spoke up angrily. "So you want to weaken our army?", he yelled and Ahsoka was so infinitely grateful to Fives, that he had put the words in the perfect order for her beforehand. He was a better speaker than she was. “No, but I want to expand the function of our troops. If the republic wants to hold conquered worlds, they must also be rebuilt. We would devote ourselves to humanitarian aid and join the battles, if it is necessary.”, she pressed out, wanting to be as quick-tempered as the politicians around her. But that would only let the plan fail, the Jedi in the group had to stand behind her idea.

The people in the room got loud and she wanted to wrap her arms around herself, but resisted the temptation. Finally, the chancellor called for calm and quiet. "I think, this is a lovely idea! You have my permission.", he said and she knew, that his smile had always seemed so kind before. But suddenly, there was this strange look around his eyes, as if he had lost one battle and won another at the same time.

* ~ *

"We... did it.", she announced, fingers intertwined and a little tired. She was standing in the doorway to her brothers' quarters and was completely blown away, but she relaxed a little when Kix came up to her and patted her shoulder, satisfied. Hevy and Cutup were less subtle, they wrapped their arms around the Togruta and almost cracked her bones. She finally laughed and clutched the two clones before letting Hevy lift her up. Under her protest he put her on his shoulders and her laughter echoed into the hallway, the others became curious and joined them. "You did it?", Tup asked incredulously, but enthusiastically. Ahsoka nodded and the news immediately went through the entire accommodation. "May I finally make you a suggestion?", Wolffe called across the hall. Of course, he had quickly learned everything he needed to know from Plo Koon. He didn't hold a grudge against the girl. Ahsoka laughed and motioned for him to say what he wanted to. "Let's forget what has been.", he grinned devilishly and his men pulled out tons of alcohol. Where did they got all of this from? No idea. Should Ahsoka have been concerned, that the wolf pack seemed to be ready to get wasted anytime, anywhere? Maybe. But, she couldn't have cared less. That night was to celebrate and she joined her family.

"Where's Ahsoka?", Anakin asked and looked around, he searched for her in the Temple already. Obi-Wan stood next to him in the hallway and glanced out the window, worry and joy fighting at the same time and finally he raised the corners of his mouth to a small smile. "I hope, Master Plo warned her beforehand.", he muttered, directing his former student's gaze to the brightly lit, densely packed buildings at the foot of the temple.

The next morning started with a headache for everyone, except Wolffe and his men. They were back on their feet early in the morning and took pity on clearing up the chaos. The noises woke Ahsoka, she was somehow tangled with Fives and Droidbait and sorted herself once, before she snaked ((wtf google? Not what I was thinking but know what? Gonna keep it...)) out and scanned the area with small eyes. She grinned, when did the top of Codys blacks became loose? It was also quite funny to see, how he was stretched across Rex and snoring softly. That didn't bother the captain below, he slept as if nothing was different than the other nights. She decided to go out and find some water, her tongue dry in her mouth.

But she hadn't considered the headache that hit suddenly in the bright light of the hallway. She groaned and pressed her fingers to her temples. She looked for her way into the canteen with half-squinted eyes, and was greeted with laughter. "Ah, General. Boost, you lost! Gimme the egg! ", somebody said a little too loud for her taste and immediately a little fight broke out over a breakfast egg. Sighing, she sat down and put her head in her hands. "What did he bet on?", she asked brittle and Wolffe grinned next to her, he looked dangerous when he was enjoying himself. "That you wouldn't take a single step today." Oh by the Force, she let her forehead drop on the tabletop. She'd acted a lot like a general last night… And even less like a Jedi!

A medic from 104th passed her with a soft laugh and put a glass in front of her, she suspected something more than just water. For a brief moment she wondered, if her stomach could take it. But with the headache, she would never be able to meditate enough to have any effect. So she poured the medication down without a word.

* ~ *

"Hands off, this one is mine!", she laughed and chased after the fleeing droid, Jesse gave up and watched her go. He wouldn't keep up at her pace, but neither would the droid. It wasn't more than a second, before she put him on the ground and reattached her lightsabers to her belt. Jesse caught up to her and looked at the junk pile in front of him. "You haven't left anything.", he complained, but had to grin. He hadn't seen his general in such a good mood for a long time. But this month was one of the good ones, and she laughed most of the time. On the way back they discussed when to call the cruiser back for. The mission here was almost finished, the residents were provided with everything they could offer them and most of the remnants of the Separatists were also removed, more than one droid had fallen victim to their lightsabers today and the clones never tired of complaining about it.

Ahsoka was absorbed in the conversation, but the past few months had made her a better Jedi. Since she was more on her own, she had worked hard to strengthen her senses and so, she felt the little girl long before it came out from behind the bush and attacked her from behind. Well, almost. In a flash, she turned around and grabbed the laughing human child. "What was that supposed to be?", she asked and the girl wrinkeld her nose laughing, before she threw her arms around the Jedi's neck and let herself be carried the last steps into the village.

Behind the first houses, Ahsoka let her down and the girl scurried away. "They like you, General.", Jesse said casually and watched, as Ahoska watched the small figure for two more heartbeats. "I miss the younglings.", she muttered and Jesse saw a touch of gloom, that he couldn't tolerate. "Who doesn't, everyone likes bustling children that are always in the way." She looked over at him and pouted. "Oh, be quiet.", she had to smile. She knew most clones were not trained to handle children or other civilians. But she thought, that her men were very good at it!

When they entered the camp, Rex was already waiting for them. He and the men in the camp all looked tired and exhausted, but somehow satisfied with themselves and the world. She took the ration the captain held out to her as she passed and grinned at him, before scurrying off and pouncing on her reports. Perhaps, she had underestimated the amount of work a general had to do. There was enough paperwork to keep her busy on this planet for a month, and they all had to be handled in a matter of days. It was not uncommon for her, to almost forget to eat, if not one of her brothers did always gave her a ration. Or sleep, what exactly was that again? Sometimes she smiled, when she thought about the fact that she was getting less sleep than Rex. And as a child, she had sometimes thought that the captain would never sleep! That evening was another one like that, the mission was almost over and she buried herself in work at nightfall. Usually, she was left alone for a few hours until one of her brothers was on the night watch and chased her out of the command tent.

Today it was Droidbait, who suddenly stood in the entrance and observed her briefly, before he quietly approached her. Before he could grab her, she raised her finger, grinning. "What do you want, Droidbait?", she asked, when the battles and objectives for the day were done, she let herself relax a little. This also meant abandoning the fixed structures that were in place during the day and treating her brothers for what they were to her.The clone huffed behind her, then leaned over her shoulder. "You know what time it is?", he asked and she shrugged her shoulders, in fact she had lost sight of something like the time. But now that he brought it up... She yawned and Droidbait laughed, before he took a step back and gave her room to get up. “Well, now I got caught. You won’t let me work any more, right?", she sighed, but grinned broadly and went out with the man. He accompanied her to one of the tents with the beds and then said goodbye, combined with the threat that Jesse would probably have the watch after him. She knew that he would just grab her and toss her into bed, no matter how loud she complained.

Shaking her head, but happy, she crept into the tent. All around her were sleeping men and only one of the last beds in the back was still free. She walked quietly through the rows of bunk beds and then swung onto one, over Kix. Briefly she looked down at him again, she had never seen the clone so relaxed or satisfied! They still had a chance to hunt down a few droids and let off steam. However, on these small, quiet worlds it was more of a sport for the men, than a heavy duty. It soothed her sore heart, which would probably never fully recover.

The next morning, as so often, she woke up with the sunrise and went out to watch it. With crossed legs she sat on a stone in front of the camp and watched the bright ball of fire rise above the strange-looking tops of the few trees in the valley. It was like meditating... and it was the only time of the day, when she could be surprised! A fact that some of the clones were happy to take advantage of. Hands grabbed her from behind and she inhaled so quickly, that she began to cough. Laughing, someone patted her vigorously on the back and when she had calmed down, she glared at her brothers.

"You!", she growled, but Cutup and Hevy sat down next to her, unimpressed and the latter held out a ration of breakfast. She thought for a moment, then she took her breakfast. "What is he doing now?", Cutup asked, Ahsoka knew only too well what bothered the two men. If Droidbait were already up, he would be sitting here as well. "You know Fives, he's going to drive Skywalker and Kenobi crazy, to make up for our absence.", she grinned and devoured the next bite.

* ~ *

It had been his decision to support Skywalker, Tiplar and Tiplee. It was his fault, that all of them and Tup were there. And also that Fives suddenly landed on his hit list. Rex was upset, tried to stay calm and do anything but scream. He avoided common quarters on the cruiser, as he always did when he didn't want to alarm the men. The only problem was, that was what alarmed his brothers and Ahsoka. It was exactly an hour after the end of his shift, when she stood at his door. In her hand she had a datapad, her reports and news. He saw it in her eyes, she knew it too.

"Where could he be?", she asked and entered his study without hesitation, the men shouldn't overhear. Should all of this get through to Cutup, Hevy, or Droidbait, they'd be tearing the ship and Kamino apart looking for Fives.

Beaten, Rex sat down on his bed and rubbed his forehead. “I don't know, he could be anywhere. He's inventive, fast, trained to survive anytime and anywhere.", he rattled down. He looked up and Ahsoka wasn't his sister, just his general was standing in front of him. Like him, she had switched to a different mode. He knew the expression on her face; she had learned this ability to be completely on autopilot after Echo's death and perfected it after Hardcase's. "I think, he will go to Coruscant.", she said silently after a few minutes and Rex was startled. "Why? He'll be seen there, the chance of being caught is high.” He doubted his general's decision, but the Jedi raised her hand and he fell silent. “He's going to be looking for someone, Fives has rarely gone through his endeavors alone. At first he had Echo, then Hardcase and Tup. All three cannot help him now, so he will seek help. He will fly back.", she said and turned to the door, she stopped for a moment.

Her shoulders trembled and Rex fell out of the learned pattern and grabbed her. Now that he couldn't hold back the emotions himself, he was terrified of losing another brother. Ahsoka turned around and they wrapped their arms around each other, he could hear her breathing deeply and evenly and it calmed his pulse. "We'll find him.", she muttered against his shoulder and he pressed a kiss against her temple. "Thank you, vod."

So they made their way home and a single look between Ahsoka and Rex was enough, they agreed not to tell either of the men the real reason for this little vacation.

* ~ *

Did they found Fives, or did he found them?

In the end she was almost too slow, even though she had escaped his trap. Fox had already fired, when she threw herself in front of her younger brother and deflected the shot with her shoto. She heard the gun drop to the ground behind her and Fives fell to his knees. She looked back, he had his hands on his head and looked so incredibly small and alone. His eyes were huge and just stared at her. Fox pointed the gun again, at her. "General, I have to ask you to step aside." She turned to the attackers and deactivated her lightsabers, but didn't move. "And I have to ask you, to lower the gun and go back to the quarters." Fox didn't move any more than she did, but his finger was no longer on the trigger. “Please, this soldier is one of my men and I will take responsibility for him. Just give me one chance to sort it out.", she pleaded calmly and watched with serious eyes how Fox now relaxed noticeably, after all he wasn’t a bad man.

Not all of it was entirely true, Fives was under the command of Anakin Skywalker. He had insisted on keeping the ARC-soldier with him after she got all the other experienced clones. "If you think so, General.", he muttered. She nodded tightly and waited for him and his men to leave. Then she spun around and slapped her hand against the back of Fives' head, a gesture she might have copied from him when someone was doing something very stupid.

It wasn't really hard and yet, he immediately held his head. Only now did she notice, that his hair was shaved and that there was a plaster on his head. She immediately regretted her overreaction, but she seemed to have grounded the man again. "I guess I deserved that.", he muttered and she held her hands on her hips. Oh, she was mad! Not because he'd picked up a gun. She was proud of him, he was determinded to not give up under any circumstances. But not sendig a single message to her or his brothers had been almost cruel. Her nerves had been tense for the past few days and now, they were slowly ripping to pieces. "You idiot!", she snapped and threw her hands in the air. "You knew the last position of our cruiser, you have a special private connection to your brothers and me and still you didn’t told us a single thing!" "I had no access to external communication.", he apologized and she stopped. When was the last time, he had apologized for something? "I'm sorry!", she muttered, realizing how small he had become because of her outburst and got down on her knees to wrap her arms around him. Only now did any tension leave his body and he shivered, his weight slumped against her and she held him upright and ran one hand over the back of his head, strocking the little fuzz that was left. "It's okay, we're here now.", she mumbled and gathered herself a bit, she would sort this mess out.

"Snips?", somebody asked softly from the side and she looked up, Skywalker and Rex were both still trapped and Rex seemed, as if his fingers were actually trembling. Ahsoka carefully straightened up again and propped Fives up a bit as she stood and deactivated the barrier. Rex was quickly with his brother and carefully held him upright, she saw Fives shudder and they talked softly to each other on mando’a. She and Anakin took a few steps back and she crossed her arms, it was already working hard behind her forehead.

"We can't just hide him.", Anakin muttered and Ahsoka looked at him with sharp eyes and wrinkled her nose. "Oh, so you would hand over a friend to the council and the senate once more?", she provoked, her heart still hurting at the thought, and already saw her former master puffing up. He hadn't lost any of his quick-tempered manner in the past few months. "You know that I didn’t had a real…", he began, but her raised hand stopped him and he saw her face soften a little. There was a slight pain in her eyes. "I know. But I have a choice and I will not hand my brother over, this would be a death sentence. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves a second chance. Besides... “, she thought and listened to herself. Her disposition in the Force had always been, to be able to guess the truth of the words that the people around her spoke. "I don't think he made a mistake.", she finished and looked at her Master with a raised eyebrow as he sighed resignedly, it pulled a familiar smile at the corner of her mouth.

"Fine, I'll see what I can do in the Temple.", he relented and she nodded, grateful.

* ~ *

Less than two hours after that conversation, she had practically locked Fives in a quarter in the Torrents quarters. His eyes had looked panicked when she explained, that the code on the door had been changed to let no unknown person in. “It's okay, there will always be somebody here with you. I'll see, that we can get out of here as quickly as possible.", she assured him and saw him nodding slightly, he still shuddered now and then and hesitantly, she sat down next to him and put a hand on his back. A blink of an eye later, he slumped against her shoulder and pushed his nose into her collar. With soft fingers she ran over the five on his temple and earned a deep sigh. "Missed you.", the clone mumbled and she had to giggle softly, her heart overflowed with joy to have him here and now she wrapped both arms around his shoulders. "Me too.", she muttered before loosening her grip and standing up. There was a knock and she let the others in.

Droidbait, Cutup and Hevy practically threw themselves on their brother and buried him under themselves. The others sat down on the lower bunks and waited with a relieved smile until the four younger clones had sorted themselves out. Ahsoka was a little surprised to find, that right next to Rex, shoulder to shoulder, Cody was sitting with his helmet between his feet. At some point everyone had settled down properly and the first information began to be obtained. “Rex told me as much as he knows. Fives will be kicked out of all units, but maybe we can avoid a court martial.”, the Commander began and Ahsoka nodded, stood up and rocked slightly from one leg to the other. Her nervousness was thick in the air. "Maybe I can save him? Transferring him to my command?", she asked hopefully and Cody shrugged. "I don't know that much about it, but maybe someone like the Chancellor can..." "No!" Ahsoka's head shot up and an oppressive silence fell. She thought hard, Five's last meeting with the Chancellor hadn't gone very well, she knew that by now. "Don't get the Chancellor involved, we have to take care of the issue internal.", she decided, no one contradicted her.

Fives now reported again, to the clones present and Ahsoka, his discoveries, they were all deep in thoughts after listening. "That's ... wow.", Cutup muttered. Rex propped his arms on his thighs and rubbed his forehead. “If all of this is correct, then we have a huge problem! We know very well, that the Jedi don't do anything wrong on purpose.", he grumbled and although Ahsoka would have loved to blame the Jedi for her pain, she knew he was right. It also impressed her, that after all this time, Rex could still trust the most of the Jedi. "We could remove the chips from some units.", Hevy suggested, but Cody immediately disagreed. "We have to be loyal to the Republic, we have to follow the plans.", he said bluntly and although Ahsoka knew that only his boundless loyalty spoke from him, she got angry and crossed her arms over her chest. “And what if an order comes, and you have to shoot one of your brothers. Or Kenobi!”, she growled and saw guilt flicker in his eyes.

There was another knock on the door, she opened it slightly irritated and looked into the faces of several Jedi. In front of all of them stood Anakin Skywalker, a slight smile curled the corners of his mouth upwards. Ahsoka hurriedly slipped out of the quarters, tried to leave all anger and fear behind the locked door, and took the Jedi a few steps down the hallway until she stopped. "So you've found help?", she smiled exhausted, she was well aware of the shadows below her eyes, but she wouldn't find anything like sleep anyway. Obi-Wan Kenobi folded his arms loosely across his chest, the wide sleeves of his robe covering his hands. He rocked his head slightly, as if he was chewing on something. Aayla Secura stood there, unbreakable as a rock and with a fighting spirit in her eyes, that reminded Ahsoka why she had once felt such a bond with her. Plo Koon slowly rubbed his fingers, his face drawn in a thoughtful expression.

"Wolffe reported, that your friend seems a bit confused.", he remarked softly and Ahsoka snorted, when would the day come when she was faster than Wolffe with his reports? But somehow she admired the Commander for his loyalty... "Of course, which clone wouldn't be confused if his brothers pointed their guns at him.", she defended Fives loudly and a hand on her lower back sent a shiver through her bones, but she kept herself together. She looked up at Obi-Wan and studied his serious eyes closely. “I understand, that you want to protect him. But we can't just decide against every instance.", he said calmly, the hand behind her back was strangely cold and she straightened up, she was no longer a small child. Just a few more years and she would be on an equal footing with the Jedi-Masters! "Would you just let Cody be taken away like that?", she asked seriously and he sighed and shook his head, Aayla uttered a satisfied sound. "Now that that has been clarified, what exactly do we have to do?", she asked and her thirst for action rolled in waves towards the others.

#brothers-au #finally! that was a real struggle #ahsoka tano #clone wars #clone troopers #clone trooper fives #star wars

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searchingwardrobes · 5 years

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Happy birthday, @welllpthisishappening ! For your special day (I hear it is a big birthday?), I wanted to incorporate things you love into a fic. That includes baseball, and if my ignorant self made any errors, I apologize! Anyway, I hope you enjoy discovering some of your favorite things in this fic. I admire you tremendously as a talented writer and overall wonderful person, and I wish you the very best of birthdays!

Summary: Emma Swan doesn’t do friends with benefits - too many feelings involved. But best friends with a guy she slept with once? Well, that’s completely different. So they get jealous every now and then, that’s not feelings - right? Based on the song by the Gin Blossoms.

Rated T for adult situations and language

Words: Almost 6,000

Also on Ao3 and part of my Fandom Birthday Playlist

Tagging the usuals:@snowbellewells @jennjenn615 @kday426 @let-it-raines @teamhook@kmomof4 @bethacaciakay @profdanglaisstuff @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @tiganasummertree@whimsicallyenchantedrose @snidgetsafan @delirious-latenight-laughs @winterbaby89 @distant-rose@shireness-says @xhookswenchx @optomisticgirl @spartanguard @branlovestowrite

And you know it might not be that bad, you were the best I ever had. If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago, I might not be alone.

What’s the cliche? Something about not wasting time looking in the rearview mirror because that’s not where your headed? Of course, Emma Swan has always been difficult, so to speak, with life maxims. It isn’t that she’s intentionally trying to be cynical, it’s just . . . Is she the only one who ever thinks through these cute sayings? Because, yeah, out the front windshield is your destination, but who doesn’t use their rearview mirrors when driving? What if someone with road rage is kissing your bumper? And don’t people pass slow drivers? Kind of need your rearview mirrors for that.

Of course, there’s probably some saying about not speeding through life or staying in your lane . . . ok, now she’s probably muddling the driving metaphors.

The point is, Emma finds herself looking in her proverbial rearview mirror a lot. They say “what ifs” are pointless, but she’s got plenty of them anyway. Most are painful. What if my parents had kept me? What if Neal and I really had gotten to Tallahassee? What if I had held him, just for a minute?

But others make her grateful. What if Ruth hadn’t taken in an angry, pregnant teen? What if David hadn’t been all “instant big brother”? What if Ruby hadn’t been assigned the office right next to mine?

The one that plagues her the most, however, is What if I had never slept with Killian Jones? Not that the night itself wasn’t great - it was. Not that Killian didn’t graciously ignore the constant elephant in the room - he did. Not that they weren’t best friends despite it all - they were.

She just wondered sometimes . . . she wasn’t even sure, she just . . . wondered. Her sexual partners all fit into three categories: Neal (relationship), one night stands, and Killian, who was . . . what exactly? Her best friend she slept with that one time? The one night stand who became her best friend? Her best friend who just so happened to be a little drunk and sort of lonely at the exact same time she was a little drunk and sort of lonely?

None of their (mutual) friends knew about what happened between the maid of honor and the best man at David and Mary Margaret’s wedding. After all, she and Killian had never met until that weekend. It should have been a perfect one night stand situation - he lived in Seattle. As in, on the complete opposite side of the country. Then his college best friend had to go and get him a job at Storybook Biz.

Thanks a lot, David.

And just like that, her one night stand was across the hall every day at work. It should have been awkward.

Only it wasn’t. And now Emma’s constantly pondering that damn rearview mirror . . .

Tell me do you think it’d be alright if I could just crash here tonight? You see I’m in no shape for driving, and anyway, I’ve got no place to go.

Killian knocking at Emma’s door at a quarter to midnight wasn’t necessarily an oddity. But Killian knocking on her door at a quarter to midnight when he was supposed to be on a date? That wasn’t exactly common.

“Are you drunk?”

He stumbled past her, running his fingers through his already disheveled hair. “Only slightly.”

“I take it the date didn’t go well,” she muttered as she closed the door.

Killian kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto her couch without preamble. “I suppose it depends upon your point of view.” He flung his arm over his face wearily. Emma sat at the opposite end of the couch and propped his feet in her lap.

“Okay, Obi-Wan, enlighten me.”

His voice was muffled beneath his forearm. “Before the appetizers even arrived I knew everything I never wanted to know about Aladdin.”

“Which one, the cartoon or the new one with Will Smith?”

Killian chuckled as he caught her eye, his arm sliding up to rest on his forehead. “Jasmine’s ex.”

Emma’s eyebrows flew to her hairline. “Your date’s name was Jasmine, and her ex is Aladdin? Seriously?”

“I couldn’t make this up if I tried, love. Anyway, I suppose the evening ended well for them since I basically assisted in getting them back together. She raced out of the restaurant to meet him, leaving me with a platter of wontons.”

“Are you trying to date or run some sort of relationship rehab?” Emma asked as she propped a throw pillow on his feet and hugged it to her chest.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Emma shrugged. “This was your first date since Ariel, and you were only helping her make Eric jealous.”

“Which also worked, I’d like to point out.” He grabbed a fistful of his hair as a light seemed to dawn in his eyes. “You know, Swan, you may be onto a new career for me.”

Emma rolled her eyes and then smacked him in the stomach with the pillow. “Shut up. You better not abandon me to Scarlett. There would be bloodshed in the office.”

Killian grabbed the pillow, holding it just out of her reach as she tried to snatch it back. “Are you trying to say that I’m the most brilliant cover designer at SB?”

“No,” Emma huffed, lunging across Killian’s torso to finally get hold of the pillow, “I’m saying you’re much less of a dick than Scarlett.”

Though Killian was the best cover designer they had on staff, and everyone knew it. Including Killian.

“I’d also reconsider your dating choices,” Emma continued, shifting so she was wedged between him and the couch.

“Swan,” Killian groaned, “not this again. You haven’t liked anyone I’ve dated.”

“That’s not true!”

“You didn’t like Ursula.”

“She was too old for you.”

“Belle.”

“She was actually into Scarlett the whole time, and really, how many women can you say that about?”

“Zelena.”

“You didn’t like Zelena! You found an excuse to bail before the menus arrived.”

“Okay, she was scary. But what about Tink? You despised Tink.”

“Well of course. She calls herself Tink for God’s sake.”

He arched one brow at her, then tickled her feet until she kicked him lightly in the ribs. “Okay, I’ll concede, Tink was a little on the eccentric side.”

“You know, I see a pattern here. Jasmine, Ariel, Belle. Should I start calling you Prince Charming?”

Killian gave her his trademark grin, the one that was lopsided and slightly cocky. “I dated a woman named Tink, love, maybe you should call me Captain Hook.”

Emma barked a laugh and dug her toes into his collar bone. “With a perm and a waxed moustache?”

“I could pull it off.”

He probably could, the bastard. Emma swung her feet around and stood up with a grunt.

“I should probably get you some water and an aspirin.”

Killian took the throw pillow she’d discarded and placed it behind his head. “I didn’t have all that much to drink, honestly. Just thought I’d play it safe and crash here? The restaurant was only a block away.”

He gave her his best puppy dog face, and Emma rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

“And I didn’t have anything else to eat after the wontons.”

“I’ll make you a grilled cheese.” She was grumbling as she headed for the kitchen, but in truth she was glad he’d stopped by.

She was always glad when he stopped by. It had nothing to do with his bad date with Jasmine. Nothing at all.

“Only thing is,” Killian sighed as she pulled the frying pan out of her kitchen cabinet, “now I don’t have a date to the charity ball.”

“Oh,” Emma muttered as she got out the bread and cheese. She turned to get the plates, and smiled to see Killian already there, handing them to her. They moved about the kitchen with practiced ease until the sandwiches were ready. Killian grabbed some sodas from the fridge, and they headed back to the sofa.

“What about you, Swan?”

“What about me?” Emma asked, licking a drop of cheese off her finger.

Killian’s eyes darted to her lips, then he gave his head a slight shake. “Um, about the charity event next weekend.”

Several firms in the publishing industry were holding the event. The kickoff was the ball on Friday night, but there was also a charity baseball tournament on Saturday, and a carnival on Sunday. All of it was to raise money for a childhood literacy foundation. It was a pretty big deal for Storybook Biz to be involved. They were the only company participating that provided services to self-publishers, and exclusively in children’s and YA lit at that. It could put their relatively small company in the limelight, something that Regina was reminding them of on a constant basis. Complete participation was required.

“Well, believe it or not, Walsh agreed to go.”

Emma could see Killian’s adam’s apple as he swallowed, his eyes widening slightly.

“A third date, huh?”

Emma set her plate down with a thud on the coffee table. “What’s that tone?”

“There was no tone.”

“Yes there was.”

Killian sighed. “I just . . . think you could do better.”

You mean like you? The words were on the tip of her tongue before she swallowed them back. No need to shine a spotlight on that damn elephant.

“He’s a nice guy!”

“He looks like a monkey.”

“He does not. That’s ridiculous.” Emma shoved her sandwich in her mouth and chewed furiously. Walsh did have sort of a weird smile that when you thought about it . . . She suddenly found her Charlie’s Angels thrift store plate absurdly fascinating. She cringed when Killian practically crowed with laughter.

“You see it too, admit it! It’s the ears -”

“Now that’s the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn’t you say?” Emma teased, reaching over to tug on Killian’s elf shaped ears. They were adorable, actually, but she wasn’t about to tell him that.

The ear tugging escalated into a tickling/wresting match that involved pillows, Emma’s set of Jonas Brothers coasters, and using her Charlie’s Angels plates as frisbees. By the time they ended up in a heap on the couch, talk of dates was forgotten as they decided to binge watch Parks & Rec.

She absolutely did not care who he was taking to the charity ball anyway.

The past is gone but something might be found to take its place . . . Hey, jealousy.

When Walsh rang her apartment, Emma had to lift the skirts of her massive ball gown just to walk to the door. She was going to grumble and complain to her friends about the theme of this ball - An Enchanted Fairy Tale Evening - but secretly, she sort of liked this whole formal wear cosplay thing.

Except for what this corset was doing to her spleen.

“Walsh, what the hell?”

The man was standing there in the hallway wearing a black tux. He even had a corsage in a little plastic box like he was taking her to the prom.

He looked her up and down incredulously in a way that no woman wants to be looked at by a man taking her to a ball. His look was equivalent to the way a baby boomer rolled their eyes at a Potterhead dressed up for Dragon Con.

“I didn’t think you were serious about the themed thing.”

“Yes I was serious! Now we’re going to look ridiculous!”

“We will look ridiculous?”

His laugh died under Emma’s withering scowl. She grabbed her clutch and practically slammed her door behind her. “Let’s go.”

He never even told her she looked nice.

************************************************************

“Swan. You look . . . “

Emma gave Killian a quirk of her brow and a teasing smile as she curtsied somewhat awkwardly. “I know.”

“I mean . . . “ Killian walked around her (quite a feat, actually, the skirt was massive) admiring her at every angle, “you cut quite the figure in that dress, love, and red has always been my favorite color on you.”

Emma glanced at a scowling Walsh as Killian bent to kiss her hand. Well, it served him right. He should have gushed over her long before they arrived. Killian’s eyes met hers, and he winked.

“Okay, that’s enough pawing my date,” Walsh grumbled, giving Killian a slight shove. He flashed the other man a tight yet friendly smile to temper his words, but Walsh was clearly marking his territory. Emma crossed her arms over her chest before Walsh could tuck her hand into the crook of his arm. His jealousy was far from cute.

“Did Emma not tell you there was a theme?”

Walsh tilted his chin. “I’m a little past playing dress up.”

Emma’s jaw dropped, but Killian just chuckled. “Well, mate, looks like you’re the only one.”

He slapped Walsh on the shoulder just a tad harder than necessary and gave Emma another wink as he rejoined his date for the night. It was just Anna, who was practically his sister since Elsa married Liam, and the only reason she came with Killian tonight was because Kristoff came down with the flu.

Not that Emma cared who his date was, of course. However, she couldn’t deny how incredibly handsome he looked in a long, brown brocade coat with gold buttons and blue leather breeches. The white linen shirt beneath had just enough buttons undone to give him a rakish look, and she remembered their conversation about Prince Charming and Captain Hook. The man even had a gold sword at his hip.

“Could you, uh, get me a drink?” Emma asked Walsh, her throat dry.

The minute he was gone, there was a voice at Emma’s ear.

“If you stare at Killian any harder, he’s gonna burst into flames.”

Emma jumped, her heart giving a little lurch. “Shit, Rubes, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Not that I blame you,” Ruby continued with a smirk, “he makes a great prince, doesn’t he?”

Emma shook her head, but couldn’t help smiling at her friend. Ruby’s dress was your standard Renaissance festival garb, but what made her stand out was the crimson cape she’d draped over it. She also carried a little basket in lieu of a clutch.

“Little Red Riding Hood?”

Ruby’s bright red lips quirked in a flirty grin. “It’s a fairy tale.”

“So who’s your big bad wolf?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “I came with Victor.”

��Rubes!”

“I’m between relationships, and I knew he would say yes.”

Emma shook her head, but before she could warn her friend any further regarding her on again, off again ex, Walsh was at her side with a flute of champagne.

“Thanks,” she told him, taking a sip.

“Hey, Walsh,” Ruby said, “I heard you were playing in the game tomorrow.”

Emma almost choked on her champagne. “You are?”

“Well, yeah,” he said with a shrug, “I’ve done some CPA work for Macmillan, and they were short a man. I was going to tell you.”

“Macmillan?” David asked as he walked up with Mary Margaret on his arm. They were dressed as Snow White and Prince Charming.

Naturally.

“SB is playing Macmillan in the first game.”

“Oh, well, be prepared for my girl to cheer against you.”

Emma gritted her teeth as Walsh planted a wet kiss to her cheek.

“She’s no one’s girl.” Killian’s eyes were laser focused on her as he joined the group, his jaw tight. Emma couldn’t decide if it was sweet or embarrassing. Walsh rocked back on his heels, chuckling nervously.

“Right, right, woman. I meant woman.”

“Woman,” Killian bit out sarcastically, his gaze still on Emma, “I don’t think your date understood the full meaning of my criticism, love.”

Emma stepped out of Walsh’s half-embrace before his fingers could dig any further into her waist. She stepped between him and Killian in what she hoped was a casual move.

“Why don’t we dance?” She widened her eyes slightly, hoping Killian would pick up on her silently begging him not to make a scene.

“He doesn’t get the first dance, I do!” Walsh’s voice rose slightly, indignant, as he grasped her by the elbow.

Emma saw Killian’s eyes flash, and she bit back a groan.

“Don’t grab her like that, mate.”

Emma was probably the only one who noticed the way he bit out that final word, and she was probably the only one who knew that his steely calm was way more dangerous than raising his voice would have been. She smoothly yanked her arm out of Walsh’s grasp and laid her hand gently on Killian’s shoulder.

“I can handle this,” she whispered.

“Hey!” Walsh snapped, his voice rising another octave. He knocked Emma’s hand off Killian’s shoulder, and that was the proverbial last straw. How had she not seen what an epic jerk this guy was until three dates in? She turned, fully prepared to slap Walsh across the face for daring to touch her yet again like he owned her.

Killian, however, beat her to it.

Faster than anyone could process it, Killian’s fist had connected with Walsh’s jaw, and the latter stumbled backwards before losing his balance and hitting the floor.

“Killian! What the hell?” Emma shouted, more because she’d missed her opportunity to hit Walsh herself than concern for her date. Then she noticed the hush fall over the room and saw the gaze of most of the party goers directed at them. She turned towards Killian then, her face burning with humiliation.

He was no longer looking at her, though, instead towering over Walsh with both fists clenched.

“You’re insane!” Walsh shouted at him, rubbing at his jaw. “She said you were her best friend, but clearly you’re fucking her too.”

Killian surely would have kicked the shit out of Walsh then, based on the fire in his eyes, but Regina chose that moment to step in. With the same terrifying grace she wielded so well in the office, she grasped both Emma and Killian by the upper arm with surprising strength.

“If I may have a word,” she hissed as she pulled them towards the ballroom entrance. Once in the hallway, she shoved them into the coatroom, slamming the door behind her. She turned to them then, leaning her back against the door and crossing her arms over her chest. She was dressed in a skin tight red velvet dress with a long train that pooled around her feet. Her blood red lipstick and blood red nails only added to the overall effect.

“I see you decided to go with Evil Queen instead of princess,” Killian quipped, “perfect choice, your majesty.”

“Shut it, Jones,” she snapped. If looks could kill, Emma was pretty sure she and Killian would have dropped dead right then. “Do you have any idea the groveling I had to do to get our company invited to this event? The last thing we need is you two causing a scene. Now either go back out there and be professional, or - “ Regina paused and smirked at the two of them, “fuck already and put us all out of our misery.”

She left then, leaving Emma red-faced with her jaw on the floor. Her hands fisted in her taffeta skirt, and she refused to even look at Killian. When he spoke, the teasing tone in his voice only made her angry.

“Little does she know -”

“Don’t. Even. Say it.”

Emma leveled him with a murderous glare of her own before stomping over to the door of the coat room. She tripped over her skirt in the process, which sort of ruined the whole tone she was going for, but she stubbornly squared her shoulders and reached for the doorknob. She threw a few more words at him over her shoulder, once again avoiding eye contact.

“Don’t follow me. Wait ten minutes and give me time to get Walsh out of here before you two go swinging your dicks around again.”

As she yanked the door open, Killian replied softly behind her, “As you wish.”

Cause all I really want is to be with you, feeling like I matter too. If I hadn’t blown the whole thing years ago, I might be here with you.

The only bright side to leaving the ball early with Walsh was that she actually got a good night’s sleep and didn’t have to worry about a hangover the next day.

And dumping Walsh - that was a bright side too.

A good night’s sleep with no hangover was definitely a positive when sitting in the bleachers in the blazing hot sun on a Saturday afternoon. She really couldn’t believe she was required to be here. At least the concession stand had decent onion rings.

“Emma!” Mary Margaret called out as she navigated the bleachers with a container of chili cheese fries in her hands.

“MM, thank God! I was starting to think I was the only one at SB who wasn’t in the game.”

“Well, to be honest,” Mary Margaret admitted as she took a seat next to Emma, “I would prefer to be out there. David is being a bit too overprotective right now.”

“Overprotective? Why?”

Mary Margaret beamed, a twinkle in her eye as she subtly rested her hand on her abdomen. Emma gasped.

“Are you serious?”

“You mean do I seriously have a Nolan bun in the oven? Yes, yes I do.”

Emma hugged her friend. “I’m so happy for you! I can’t believe David let you tell me.”

MM shrugged. “I told him if he was going to be this ridiculou, he better let me tell you the real reason I’m not in the game.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Sounds like David. You’re not even showing, what could happen?”

“Please don’t ask your brother that question. He’ll give you a dozen scenarios, each one more ridiculous than the last. When I imagined him trailing behind me on the diamond like I might break, I decided to humor him rather than be humiliated. Besides, this morning sickness clearly isn’t fond of the heat. No one wants to see me puke all over the dugout.”

“Yet you’re eating chili cheese fries.” Emma arched both brows as she glanced from the greasy food, to her sister-in-law, and back again.

“There’s no rhyme or reason to morning sickness, Emma. This was the only thing on the menu that didn’t make me want to hurl. Oh, and fyi, I’d keep those onion rings downwind.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Emma quipped, moving her favorite junk food to her other side.

Mary Margaret waved to her husband, and David waved back. “That man looks so good in a baseball jersey.”

“Ew, sister here.”

Mary Margaret laughed around a cheesy fry. “Okay then, how do you think Killian looks in a baseball jersey?”

“I’m mad at him, if you haven’t noticed.”

“That has no bearing on how he looks in the damn uniform, Emma.”

The inning had just ended, and the SB players were returning to the dugout. Killian’s eyes fell on Emma’s, and he gave her a tentative smile and a small wave. Emma, her eyes safely hidden behind a large pair of sunglasses, ignored him. His way too expressive face made it clear that she may as well have shouted obscenities at him. She sighed.

“Can you just admit the man is madly in love with you?” MM groaned.

Emma had never been so thankful for sunglasses in her life. “Would everyone just stop? We’re close. Best friends. That’s it.”

“Right.”

“And not friends with benefits, despite what Rubes says. I don’t do that.”

“Oh, I know it,” MM deadpanned, “but don’t think everyone in the office hasn’t noticed the yearning looks and doey eyes.”

“I don’t yearn,” Emma muttered before shoving an onion ring in her mouth.

“Maybe, but he does.” Emma chanced a glance at MM. She was regarding her with a tender, almost pitying look on her face. She laid a hand on Emma’s arm. “And I think you’re just better at hiding it.”

“I don’t see any evidence that Killian is . . . is . . . “

“In love with you? God, you can’t even spit out the word!” MM gave a wry chuckle. “And no evidence? Are you insane? Every time there’s donuts in the break room, he makes sure to deliver a bear claw to your desk. With a note, I might add.”

“They’re just inside jokes, not love letters.” Emma snorted through her nose, but it came out somewhat pathetic.

“And last Valentine’s day,” MM continued, undeterred, “how many bags of conversation hearts did he go through to pick out every single one that said best friend?”

Emma couldn’t help smiling at the memory. “Ok, but it’s not like he picked out the ones that said True Love or Soulmate or something.”

“God, you are grasping at straws. You have to admit that -”

The crack of the bat resounded through the ball field, and Emma and MM abandoned their snacks and surged to their feet as Killian tossed the bat aside and ran towards first. They shouted and cheered as the MacMillan outfield ran to retrieve the ball and Killian rounded second.

“Oh no,” Emma whispered.

There, crowding third base, was Walsh.

“Is he allowed to do that?” MM asked.

Emma’s stomach protested all those onion rings as she saw the determined look on Killian’s face and Walsh’s stubborn stance. This was clearly not about baseball, but personal. A sickening feeling washed over her as Walsh leaned one shoulder forward just as Killian reached the base. Walsh drove his entire body into Killian, sending him sprawling to the dirt.

“What does he think this is, football?” MM screeched.

The blood drained from Emma’s face when Killian didn’t get up. She shoved her way down the bleachers, running full tilt out onto the field. The umpire was already heading that way, and play had ceased.

“What the hell, Walsh!” she screamed as she skid to her knees at Killian’s side. “This isn’t the fucking World Series!”

Part of her wanted to fling herself at the man and beat the crap out of him, but her desire to know that Killian was okay won out. She leaned over him, just as his eyes blinked open, squinting at the bright sun overhead.

“Hey, beautiful!” he said to her, his voice slurred, his eyes unfocused.

“Call 911!” Emma yelled at the players gathered around.

“Come on, Emma,” Will retorted, “it’s just a concussion.”

“Don’t argue with me, Scarlett, I swear to God! Just make the damn call!”

Killian started murmuring again, groping with his hand as if trying to find her. “I knew you cared - I mean, really cared. You love me, don’t you?”

Emma took his hand to still it’s frantic movements and held it tight. “Of course I do.”

“No,” he slurred, “I mean looooove.”

“911!” Emma barked, at who she didn’t care. Killian’s eyes were rolling back in his head, and why the hell did nobody but her care?

“Ems,” David said gently, “seriously, we’ll take him to the ER. No need for an ambulance.”

He and Robin each took Killian by the arm and helped him to his feet. Killian swayed and his head lolled. His eyes started to close, and Robin slapped his cheek a few times.

“Stay with me, mate.”

“Robin!” Killian crowed. “Did you know I love Emma?”

“Yes, Kil, I heard that.”

Emma glared at Ruby when she let out a snort. “Don’t even, Rubes!”

“What? I didn’t say a thing!”

Emma followed closely behind the men as they half walked, half dragged Killian across the baseball diamond and out to the parking lot. Mary Margaret was there, hovering around Killian like a mother bird.

“Watch his head!” she warned as they slid him into the back seat of her and David’s car. “Emma, stay back here with him.”

And just like that, Emma was in the back seat with Killian’s head in her lap. She kept having to slap his cheek to keep him awake. Without conscious thought, her fingers carded through his hair. Every time she patted his cheek, he mumbled more sappy, romantic nonsense. Thankfully, it was all G rated with no reference to the weekend they met. No need to tempt David to skip the hospital altogether.

“You know,” MM said with exaggerated thoughtfulness, “they say in moments like this, a person’s inhibitions are gone, enabling them to speak their truth.”

“Not the time, MM,” Emma told her through clenched teeth.

Mary Margaret just gave her a self-satisfied grin.

And you can trust me not to think, and not to sleep around. If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.

Emma sat in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs made of molded plastic, shifting in a vain attempt to get comfortable. She kept clasping and unclasping her hands nervously. The look on Liam Jones’s face before going back to see his brother was worse than any look David had ever leveled at the men she had dated. It clearly said this is all your fault, Emma.

“Ignore Liam,” Elsa told her, putting a slender hand to her shoulder. “His overprotectiveness borders on insanity. How in the world could a concussion from a charity baseball game be your fault?”

Emma deflated, resting her head on Elsa’s shoulder. “No, in this case he’s right. It is my fault. If I had seen what a douchebag Walsh was earlier, Killian would have never punched him at the ball, and then Walsh would have never sent him crashing to the dirt.”

“Or,” Elsa amended, “you could have stopped pretending to be clueless and just accepted your feelings for Killian. Then you’d both quit making stupid decisions.”

Emma lifted her head from Elsa’s shoulder. “What is this? Can’t everyone cut me some slack?”

“We just all want you to be happy.”

“Who says dating Killian will make me happy? It could all blow up in our faces and then we don’t even have a friendship anymore.”

“Emma,” Elsa said gently, tucking a strand of hair behind her friend’s ear, “the deepest kind of love starts with friendship.”

Emma covered her face with both hands. Elsa didn’t know how it all started - no one did. When Killian had shown up at Storybook Biz with a cardboard box resting at his hip, Emma had played it cool. He probably thought she hated the night they’d spent together, or at the very least assumed it meant nothing to her. Now they were firmly stuck in the friend zone and she had no idea what to do about it.

Or maybe this concussion was a blessing in disguise? She groaned. For one, that was incredibly selfish of her, and for another, he most likely remembered nothing that he’d said to her.

“He’s asking for you.”

Emma rose quickly at the sound of Liam’s voice, then swayed at her sudden dizziness. She blinked to clear the spots in her vision. She suddenly realized she’d had no water since leaving the baseball field. Great, she was dehydrated and emotionally drained. Perfect.

“Take this and drink all of it,” Elsa commanded, pressing a water bottle into her hand. No wonder Elsa and MM had been blessed with husbands and babies. Taking care of people was embedded in their DNA.

Emma took a swig of the water as she headed down the hallway to Killian’s room. They had done an MRI already, confirming that it was a concussion, and a pretty severe one at that. He had been admitted to a room to stay overnight for observation. It made Emma sway again just thinking about it, and she took another sip of water to steady herself.

When she entered the room, Killian turned to her with a smile on his face. He looked odd in the hospital gown, his normal bravado toned down by the washed out, institutional garment. There was an IV in his hand, and sensors taped to his chest, and machines beeped. All of it combined to make tears spring to Emma’s eyes.

“Hey,” he told her, reaching out to take her hand as she neared the bed, “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not,” she choked out.

“Ok,” he conceded, “but I will be.”

She couldn’t speak, so she just squeezed his hand. He reached up with his free hand and scratched behind his ear.

“So about the stuff I said when I was . . . out of it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Emma assured him quickly, waving her hand as if swatting away so many flies. “You didn’t know what you were saying.”

Killian frowned as if her words hurt him. “Everything since I hit the ground is patchy, Emma, I’ll admit, but there’s one thing I do know. I was blabbering on about my feelings for you, all of which I definitely meant.”

Emma felt a sudden urge to run, but Killian tightened his grip on her hand, threading his fingers with hers. He held her hand a lot, but she gazed at their interlaced fingers as if she’d never seen them that way before.

“Now that those words are out, Emma, I refuse to take them back. I know that night at the wedding didn’t mean to you what it did to me, and I’m well aware that you deserve far better than the likes of me, but -”

“Excuse me?”

Killian blinked rapidly, his shock at her harsh tone clearly evident on his face. “Um . . . what?”

She pulled her hand away and crossed her arms over her chest. “Did you seriously just say that I deserve better than you?”

Killian’s gaze darted to the open door, as if hoping Liam would arrive and rescue him. “Uh . . . yes?”

“And did you also just say that the night we spent together meant nothing to me?”

Killian swallowed nervously, and Emma bit the inside of her cheek to keep the scowl on her face.

“I . . . yes, I said that, too.”

Emma propped her hands on her hips and tilted her chin. “I’ll have you know, Killian Jones, that I’ve replayed that night in my mind on numerous occasions.”

A half-smile quirked his lips. “Is that so?”

“Yes.”

He licked his bottom lip and arched one brow. “And why, may I ask, do you replay it so often?”

Emma gave him a half-smile of her own. “Because it was pretty damn good.”

Both of Killian’s brows rose. “Pretty good? Because I have to say, Emma Swan, that you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

Emma couldn’t stop the huge grin that split her face at that, and despite the IV and the narrow bed and all the beeping machinery, she launched herself at him. He caught her, successfully maneuvering all of the cords out of her way. She slanted her mouth over his, awkward and slightly sloppy. They both laughed, and Emma dug her fingers into his shoulders, resisting the urge to grab the back of his head. Damn concussion. She really loved his hair.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had, too,” Emma whispered against his collar bone. The hospital gown didn’t fit very well, and her lips met warm skin.

Killian reached up and buried his fingers in her hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And when she said it, she didn’t hide against his chest or look away. She sat up, grasped his face with both hands and held his gaze. She let the words sink in, and then she pressed her lips to his again.

The past is gone, but something might be found to take its place.

#cs ff #cs modern au #fandom birthday playlist #for laura #on her birthday #now for the tags i am going to make up . . .#lovers to friends to lovers #one night stand becomes best friend becomes lover #jealousy #obviously #light angst #angst with a happy ending #hey jealousy

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sirloozelite · 4 years

Note

Hi! I have a chapter/prompt idea for you. Remember the line in the Ahsoka book that goes... “what do you even know about family?” Kaeden said. “You never had one. And you probably never had friends, either. Just clones who had to do everything you said, because you were their superior officer.” Would love to see Ahsoka and Kaeden talk about it in a prompt/chapter. It really struck a nerve in me. The Jedi and clones were Ahsoka’s family and majority of them died... :(

Hey anon, hope you didn’t mind the wait for the reply. Wanted to get it all good and everything. I took your idea and ran with it a bit. It might not be 100% what you wanted, but I hope you liked what I did do. Thanks for the prompt. Feel free to send more my way. Same goes for the rest of you. XD

1: Kaeden and Ahsoka speak about family

"Hey, I need to talk to you. It's important."

Ahsoka Tano was no expert at romance. There was a reason many of her closest friends, her girlfriend included, often referred to her as the 'Queen of being Dense'. Nine times out of ten she missed the subtle social cues that usually indicated that something was wrong, or that something shouldn't be investigated or talked about.

Of course though, Ahsoka just had to be the person who would break all of those rules! She blamed her time as an undercover spy.

That said, even she knew when something was bothering someone, and by the way Kaeden has suddenly sunk onto the couch next to her, her posture slouched in despair and her tone grim, it was something bad.

And as Kaeden Larte's girlfriend, it was Ahsoka's job to find out what the problem was!

"What's up?" Ahsoka replied as she bookmarked the page of the 'Book of Hondo', setting it aside for later, before moving closer to Kaeden, one arm wrapping round the human woman.

Kaeden didn't answer immediately, though she did raise her head from where she had been staring at the floor blankly. Her eyes, usually so bright with joy and focus, and sometimes mischievousness, instead seemed to have a dark shadow to them, as if something was haunting the gateway to her soul.

"Kaeden? Talk to me."

"I need to apologise to you."

That surprised Ahsoka! What did Kaeden possibly have to apologise for? If anything Ahsoka was the one that should be apologizing on a daily basis for all the crazy stunts she pulled.

Still, whatever Kaeden felt like she had to apologize for was clearly eating her up inside, so Ahsoka didn't hesitate to respond.

"I forgive you."

"No! I… you don't even know what I'm apologizing for!

"I know… but I already forgive you."

"Please Ahsoka… just… just let me speak."

Ahsoka didn't miss the way Kaeden had winced as Ahsoka had 'forgiven' her without blinking an eye. The thought that Kaeden thought that Ahsoka wouldn't forgive her hurt the Togruta. Did Kaeden not know how special she was to Ahsoka?

"Ok Kaeden… ok. What do you need to apologize for?"

Kaeden lowered her head for a few seconds as she contemplated how to phrase whatever was on her mind. Ahsoka didn't want to rush her, but every moment that passed was hell for the Togruta. She hated seeing anyone suffer, double so for Kaeden.

"About Raada. About what I said to you when you first revealed your Force powers. I said you didn't know what it was like to have a family. That all you had were Clones to boss around because you were their commanding officer. I was wrong to say that, and I was wrong to say you didn't know what it meant to have a family and I'm so sorry for what I said to you."

Ahsoka's eyes widened. She had honestly forgotten that Kaeden had ever said such a thing! Had she really said something that could have been taken in such a cruel way?

Memories came back to Ahsoka, one of an angry Kaeden surrounded by her friends and sister on Raada, accusing her of not helping them fight the Empire more, of not doing enough!

But even back then, Ahsoka had remembered not being angry at the words. She had understood, and in some ways she agreed. What did Ahsoka know about a true family? She had been taken from hers at three years of age after all.

"What's brought this on Kaeden?" Ahsoka asked quietly, pulling the human woman closer to her, resting her head atop Kaeden's, hoping it offered some comfort. From the way Kaeden leaned in closer as well, Ahsoka could tell it was having some sort of positive effect.

"I was speaking to Rex. I told him what I said to you and he… well he didn't take it too well to say the least."

Ahsoka didn't even realize she had frozen up until she felt Kaeden's palm gently wrap around her own, squeezing intently as a reminder that she was still there. Ahsoka couldn't help the build up of anger at herself that occurred suddenly. She was supposed to be comforting Kaeden… not the other way around!

"What did Rex say?" Ahsoka inquired, worried that her girlfriend had just inadvertently made an enemy out of her oldest and most trusted friend.

"He called me unreasonable and said I was damned lucky to have you. He said if anyone ever hurt his little sister he would kill them, then clone them just so he could kill them again. I don't think he was even kidding!"

Once more Ahsoka's eyes widened at Kaeden's recount of Rex's words. In all honesty, she wasn't that surprised about ex's reaction. The old Clone Captain was fiercely territorial and defensive when it came to people he saw as his brothers and family, and in Ahsoka's case, his little sister.

There was a time Ahsoka could recall that all of the Clones in the 501st saw her that way. Rex was always willing to teach her, to help her improve herself.

Fives was always willing to joke around with her. He had taught her how not to succumb to the pressures of command.

Echo had taught her how to be patient, how to follow procedure when it mattered most. Losing him at the Citadel had been a major blow for them all.

Kix and Coric had taught her how to save people in more ways than one. It didn't matter that they weren't always out fighting, as they fought the most dangerous and formidable foe in existence on a daily basis and won. Combating death was one hell of a task after all.

It wasn't just the boys in the 501st that had taught her either. Both Cody and Wolffe had given her new perspective on things. Through their teachings and encouragement, she had learned how to adapt on the fly, how to improvise, and most importantly, how to get the job done.

And then there were the rest. Hardcase had taught her to be bold. Waxer and Boil had taught her the importance of companionship. Dogma had taught her to have faith and not lose it.

And Jesse had taught her how to be cautious. It was not the lesson she wished she had learnt from him, but it was the most important one of her life, one she had carried with her as Fulcrum. When Order 66 had been issued, and Jesse turned on her and Rex, Ahsoka had no choice but to act.

There were nights where she still saw the Arc Trooper in her dreams, impaled on a burning green blade, mere seconds away from murdering Rex in cold blood. She did not regret her actions, but she wished how they had been different.

If only things had been different.

"He was right of course. The Clones, despite being your subordinates, were your family. Rex told me about them all. About Fives and Echo, Jesse and Hardcase. Hell he even introduced me to Kix. And then there's the Jedi too!"

Ahsoka listened as Kaeden continued on, recalling more and more of her discussion with Rex, which sounded like had gotten more civil after the old Clone's initial hostility.

"And then Rex told me about the Jedi he knew, about the one's he knew had a strong bond with you. I'm sorry about Master Plo Koon, Ahsoka. I wish I could have met him. He sounded wonderful."

"He really was." Ahsoka couldn't help but reply, her fond memories of the Kel Dor coming to her mind. How she wished he was still here.

"He also told me about Anakin. And Senator Amidala too."

Ahsoka tried not to stiffen at the mention of her former Jedi Master. Even now he was a sore spot, for both her and Rex. How Obi-Wan was able to forgive and forget was unknown to her. She really wished she had his patience and understanding sometimes.

But then she hadn't been there at the end, and Obi-Wan had. Perhaps he knew something she didn't.

"I know you hate him Ahsoka, and no one blames you for it, but from what Rex told me he was like your father figure in many ways. I can't imagine what it was like to have to kill him."

It had been hard at the time…. but like with Jesse it had been necessary. Ahsoka had had to make a difficult decision with the information she had… just as Anakin had taught her too as a Padawan.

And Padmé? Padmé had taught her to trust in her actions, and to know right from wrong.

Ahsoka really hoped that the Senator would be proud of her if she was still alive.

"So I'm sorry. I was wrong to say you didn't know what it was like to have a family, because you did have one. It was just very different from mine." Kaeden finished, squeezing Ahsoka's hand again whilst waiting for the Togruta's response.

Wasting no time and already knowing how she was going to respond, Ahsoka brought her free hand up to Kaeden's cheek, gently pulling the woman's face towards her before placing a gentle kiss to her lips.

Pulling back, Ahsoka rested her forehead on Kaeden's and spoke.

"As I said, you are already forgiven, forever and always. My family may have been different from yours, but back then you had every right to say what you did. I may have lost that family, but now I have a new one in you."

The way Kaeden's face lit up with a small smile was all the response Ahsoka needed. If Kaeden was happy, so was she.

"I…. ok… thanks Ahsoka. I feel like I understand you better now thanks to Rex. I wish I could have met all of your old family."

"Me too Kaeden. Me too." Ahsoka replied, banishing any thoughts of the fate of her old family from her mind. It would not do her well to dwell on the past. Right now all she wanted to focus on was the present.

And that present was Kaeden Larte.

#The One-Shot Saga #ahsoka tano #kaeden larte #kaesoka

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jancys-blue-bayou · 5 years

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If you are still taking requests could write about Jancy when they were younger? I see a lot of posts about the idea of Jonathan liking Nancy since when Mike & Will became friends and Nancy possibly having some feelings too. I think it would be cute if they first met at one of their sibling's bday party where the sibs are like 6 (grade 1) and they are 10 (grade 5) and just exploring the feelings and interactions throughout the years building and leading up to the event of them getting together.

Great prompt! Not exactly what you asked for here with the birthday party but, here you get Jancy reminiscing about growing up and noticing each other. From their first day of kindergarten to Mike and Will’s first day to more…

Also on Ao3 and FFnet!

”Do you remember when we first met?”

They’re just laid cuddling in his bed one night when Nancy asks him the question. It’s been a wonderful day in all its simplicity. Being with Nancy will never be simplistic of course, but it’s nice that they’ve now been together long enough to have developed routines. Comfortable and nice, just spending all their time together doing nothing special. Nothing special is really nice after everything they’ve gone through. After school they went to his house, studied together for awhile. Had dinner with his family. Fooled around in his room for awhile. Then Nancy said good night to him, his mom and his brother. And then snuck back in through his bedroom window as always. He suspects his mom has seen right through their routine but as long as she doesn’t bring it up, he’s sure as hell not going to so they keep going at this charade pretending like he and Nancy doesn’t also spend all their nights together.

”Of course. First day of kindergarten. You had a pink dress and pink backpack and you had your hair in two braids. With pink scrunchies,” he smiles at the still vivid memory of five year old Nancy Wheeler.

”I like pink,” she tells him and gives him a light smack on the arm. ”But I don’t really remember you from the first day, I think it was the third day I noticed you.”

”Makes sense, I tried to make myself invisible. School was scary with all the new people.”

”Aw.”

”But yes it was the third day. You were the first person who talked to me. I mean, besides Mrs. Morton.”

”Aw, really? You didn’t speak to anyone the first two days?”

”No, I was scared to. Everything was new, the first day I just tried to get used to everything. I thought I would try and talk to someone the second day but when I was walking in uh, Steve and Tommy pointed out my old shoes and jacket and laughed because they were old and scuffed and too big for me. Since I was supposed to grow into them. And everyone turned around and looked and laughed so then I figured it best to try and not to be noticed so I didn’t say anything.”

”That’s awful, I don’t remember that.”

”I don’t think you were there right then.”

”Steve used to be such a little jerk. Tommy still is.”

”Yeah. Well, water under the bridge now. Anyway, so yeah you were the first person who talked to me, the next day. When you asked me if I wanted to play hopscotch with you and Barb.”

”You were just stood in the corner of the schoolyard near us.”

”I was trying to stay clear of the boys.”

”You said yes though, when I asked you. Why did you do that if you wanted to be invisible?”

”I don’t know… you seemed nice. And even if I’ve never exactly been the most sociable…”

”No, stop…” Nancy josses him.

”… three days of no talking was a bit much even for me. So I said yes because you seemed nice and I had seen you and Barb play hopscotch before and I thought that looked more fun than that game the boys played where they threw the ball at each other and then just tackled each other to the ground.”

”Hah, yeah. Barb didn’t want me too invite you to play with us at first I remember. We were pretty suspicious of all boys but you seemed different. You were quiet, I didn’t know boys could be quiet.”

”Really?” He chuckles.

”Well yeah all the other boys in the class was just… loud. And Mike was almost two years old and very loud. You were the first boy I met who wasn’t loud, I liked that.”

He giggles at that.

”I wish I had played more with you. I don’t get why we didn’t, you were fun to play with it even though you were so shy. But I was so tied to Barb, we did pretty much everything together just the two of us back then.”

”Yeah… I wish we had too but, eh. It is what it is. Maybe if I’d been less shy.”

”You wouldn’t have been you then. Hey, remember when Mike and Will started kindergarten?”

”Yeah. Will was so nervous just like I’d been but I promised him I’d show him around and all, that I’d have his back and that he’d meet lots of new friends. He was glued to my side for as long as he could, he didn’t want to go into class when the bell rung and we’d have to go our separate ways.”

”Aw.”

”And I remember I was worried since they had recess earlier than us, if he’d be okay. But when I got out he was on the swings with Mike and talking to him like they’d known each other forever. And then you were there next to me.”

”Yeah. It was the same for me, I promised mom I’d look after Mike. He was such a scaredy cat back then and shy. He told me after that Will asked him to play on the swings with him and that was that. So I could kind of back off. But you know, when I first saw Mike on the swings with Will I had to look twice because Will looked so much like you did in kindergarten. Right down to the clothes even.”

”Yeah I remember, you turned to me and said he must be my brother.”

”And you said yes and asked me if Mike was my brother.”

”And you said yes and asked me to play again.”

They lay in a comfortable silence for awhile, the trip down memory lane evoking more images of the past to think of. Nancy breaks the silence first.

”Do you remember when they talked us into being part of their campaign?”

”I remember you in elf ears,” Jonathan giggles.

”Shut up! I was being a good sister,” Nancy smacks him on the arm again but can’t help but giggle herself.

”You always were.”

”Eh, not always. Not like you. Best brother in the world. You know Mike told me years ago he was jealous that Will had a cool older brother. You were always the coolest.”

”To nerdy twelve year old boys,” Jonathan self-deprecatingly notes with a smirk.

”Hey, I think you’re pretty cool too,” Nancy grins and gives him a peck on the cheek.

”Thanks, you too. I always thought you were cool.”

”Oh please, not just another suburban girl?” She smirks.

”Nope, that was me being dumb,” he smiles.

The silence returns for a few moments while he’s thinking, remembering. He presses a kiss to her hair and speaks up again.

”Do you know when I first realized I really um, liked you?”

Nancy pokes her head up, intrigued.

”No?”

”It was sixth grade I think, Halloween. When we took the boys trick or treating. The boys were all doing Star Wars as a group costume and Will talked me into being Obi-Wan. I was going to look after them anyway so. But I didn’t know you were coming too.”

”Mike begged me to be Princess Leia. Apparently it wouldn’t be a complete group costume without a Leia. I agreed because I liked to dress up. I think that’s how he managed to convince me to be an elf for DnD that time too.”

”I remember thinking you looked pretty even with the ridiculous Leia hair.”

”When I commit, I commit.”

”I know. And I love that. And the moment I realized I really really liked you was-”

”Ooh you really really liked me?” She interrupts with a grin.

”Shut up,” he chuckles and rolls his eyes.

”Like, like-liked me?” She continues, waggling her eyebrows at him.

”… yes, at that age I really really like, like-liked you,” he concedes. She snickers and gives him another kiss on the cheek. ”And the moment I realized it was when we were all leaving your house to go trick or treating and you took out a whole city map and folded it out on the ground and you had marked out in detail every block and street we needed to hit for the best candy, and in what order.”

”That was the moment?”

”Yeah. Because you looked really cute in your outfit and you were really smart, like, I don’t think anyone else ever would’ve thought like you. I still don’t. Whether it’s to score the best haul at trick or treating or to defeat a monster I… always loved your plans. And the haul was good.”

Nancy kisses him on the lips. He closes his eyes, relishing the feeling of her lips on his. When he opens his eyes she’s beaming, looking down at him.

”You are sweet. But did you know I kind of liked-liked you before that?”

”What? You did?”

This revelation surprises him. He knows his own feelings of course, knows what he had kind of liked Nancy for years before things started to really happen between them. But he has never considered that she would’ve felt anything for him really before that autumn they were thrown together in a life and death search for their loved ones.

”Fifth grade. When we actually took them to see Star Wars. Remember?”

”Yeah. I remember them having light saber battles the whole way home.”

”Me too,” Nancy giggles at the memory.

”And sitting with you next to the aisle because the boys wanted to sit closer to the center. I was nervous about that, sitting next to you.”

”I was excited to sit next to you instead of Mike,” Nancy grins. ”But don’t you remember what happened? With the popcorn?”

”The popcorn?”

”I dropped mine when someone bumped into me when we were finding our seats. And I was upset about it because mom had given me money to buy popcorn for me and Mike and a soda each and now I had wasted mine. But you immediately insisted I’d have yours instead. I had to convince you that you didn’t have to give me all but that we could maybe share, which we did.”

”Oh yeah, I remember. I felt bad. Losing popcorn would’ve upset me too so I wanted to make it right.”

”And you did. And I thought that was real nice of you, you didn’t have to do that but you wanted to do it. You were nice and kind because that’s who you were. Are, who you are. And then I accidentally grabbed your hand when I was reaching for popcorn and it was the first time I ever held hands with a boy. And I liked it. Even though we let go of each other in an instant like we’d been shocked,” Nancy dissolves into giggles at that last part. He laughs with her.

”It was the first time for me too. Holding hands, with a girl I mean. Do you know the second time?”

”No?”

”Also with you. In your bedroom, the morning after I pulled you from the tree. When your mom didn’t knock.”

The way she’s smiling down at him makes his heart do somersaults. She leans down and kisses him again, in the process taking both his hands in hers, holding them while letting them rest on his chest. Her thumb strokes his scar.

”I remember.”

#jancy fic #jancy fanfic #jancy fanfiction #st fic #stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #jancy #nancy x jonathan #nancy wheeler #jonathan byers #stranger things

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cienie-isengardu · 5 years

Text

Anakin and Clone Troopers in Legends sources [2002-2005], part II

previous part: Anakin and Clone Troopers in Legends sources [2002 - 2005], part I

I talked before how Anakin’s POV presented in Legends books wasn’t often focused at situation of clone troopers, nor gave specific details about his personal relationship with them while narrative itself provided examples how Skywalker is usually the first (sometimes the only one) person to act to protect troopers during fight. In contrast to him, in Labyrinth of Evil or ROTS novel Obi-Wan’s POV is full of thoughts about clone troopers yet he rarely do anything to help them in need. What of course does not mean that one cares more than other and it’s more about limited space to show the readers the full extent of the relationship between Jedi and clones, especially in the face of more urgent events.

Jedi Trial is one of few sources that allows us to see Anakin without Kenobi for a longer period of time during war. This is very important story, mainly because Skywalker is still a padawan who wants to prove himself as a real Jedi and commander, even though Council is still against knighting him. Jedi Trial was written by David Sherman and Dan Cragg and was published in 2004. Both authors served in military, and I think they did good job with presenting Anakin’s first real steps as commander of GAR.

Before I focus at the details, I want to clarify one thing. The biggest problem with the novel is that, it was supposed to be set somewhere in second year of Clone Wars, what A) leaves little time for Anakin to became a respected commander on his own, not to mention gaining the title of Hero With No Fear and B) makes little sense overall, because Anakin fought the war since day one and by that alone he should have at least basic of military experiences by now. Also, after two years fighting alongside clone troopers, I think any person would made some connection with them. Frankly, I always thought that Jedi Trial was (should be) set in earlier period of time, because there is little informations that give the feeling of such gap in timeline. It’s why I see this story as study of Anakin’s military career and the beginning of his relationship with clones that should happened sooner than in second year of war.

Keeping that in mind, here is short summary: Kenobi was sent on special mission - Anakin, as padawan, stayed in Jedi Temple to train and study military strategies, where he very quickly befriended Jedi Master Nejaa Halcyon. Soon after that Jedi Council have chosen Halcyon to lead attack on Praesitlyn. When he was asked whom he wants as his second-in-command, he decided to take Anakin. Council wasn’t happy to hear that but Halcyon’s practical arguments changed their mind. To make sure the younger padawan will manage as a commander, Nejaa hired befriended Rodian mercenery, Grudo. From onward, the Rodian soldier (in the rank of sergeant major) accompanied and advised commander Skywalker through the course of story.

Due to length, I splitted the text into two parts. First is focused mainly at Jedi & GAR preparations for upcoming campaign (Anakin as freshly promoted commander) while second will focus on Skywalker during battles. Clone troopers unfortunately aren’t main heroes (the way captain Rex is in TCW, for example) but their presence is visible and has impact on Anakin. But to show it in fully, I’m gonna bring some other paragraphs too. Which is why the text grew in length so much.

So, let’s see how the story played:

Anakin, Halcyon and Grudo were busy with preparation for upcoming battle:

The next days passed in a whirlwind of activity. The two Jedi and their Rodian comrade soon began to work as a well-oiled team. Grudo followed Anakin everywhere, interjecting advice whenever appropriate, but otherwise not saying much. The clone infantry had been divided among several transports, in order to minimize their losses if a ship was hit, so the trio were kept busy moving among the ships. At night they met in Halcyon's stateroom to go over the details of the day.

One evening, Halcyon asked Anakin, "Are you familiar with the capabilities of the specialized troopers?" He was referring to the fifty clone commandos aboard the battle cruiser Teyr.

Anakin nodded, clone commandos were trained to be used for only the most dangerous missions, and as such were bred to possess a larger degree of independent thought and action than ordinary troopers. Equipped with highly advanced armor and weapons, they were capable of fighting successfully on their own, but with a Jedi commander their potential as an attack force was virtually unlimited.

"They're yours, then," Halcyon told him. "Take Grudo, go over to the Teyr, and get to know them."

Surprised and pleased, Anakin wasted no time getting a shuttle to the cruiser.

Earlier, he had taken charge of his division, met with his brigade, battalion, and company commanders, introduced himself to the troopers, inspected them in ranks, and asked probing questions about their armor, equipment, and weapons. Grudo had had him bone up on these things and read the readiness reports the division's commanders had submitted.

"You're their leader," he had said. "Soldiers don't respect a commander who doesn't know their weapons, equipment, and tactics better than they do. But remember this: all the clones are like brothers-twin brothers-and all clones think they're the best. They work best under their own officers; they wouldn't fight under me. Under you, yes, of course-you're a Jedi. But although they respect you as a Jedi, now you must show them they can respect you as a soldier like them. You have to show them before we go into battle that you know what you're doing."

Anakin had done his best, and Grudo had been impressed with his handling of the troops. Now, as he headed for the Teyr, he was feeling more confident, eager to meet the clone commandos who were to be his to command.

First, I really like how the book, in contrast to some others, doesn’t point time after time that troopers in question are clones. Nejaa, Anakin and Grudo refer to them the same way they would address “normal born” people. Which is pretty nice details that also works nicely with TCW books (”My men”)

Anakin is freshly appointed commander but he already has some knowledge about structures of GAR. He knows basic differences between common trooper and clone commando, including more independent characters of specialized troopers.

Skywalker spent a lot time before the battle on meeting with troopers (”he had taken charge of his division, met with his brigade, battalion, and company commanders, introduced himself to the troopers, inspected them in ranks”) and getting to know as much as possible about their equipment and weaponary (”asked probing questions about their armor, equipment, and weapons.”) but also study paperwork (”Grudo had had him bone up on these things and read the readiness reports the division's commanders had submitted.”). The last part is interesting because how often we hear about Jedi reading readiness reports or other stuff? I mean, Council usually is listening to someone giving report from the battle or after, but reading itself? There is so little information about paperwork in GAR, that clone troopers are doing apparently.

The older Jedi decided to give command over Republic Commandos to Anakin. Since Council is all the time against knighting Skywalker, it’s no surprise that Nejaa’s trust is so pleasing to him. This and Grudo’s praise for handling the troopers made Anakin much more confident in his own skills.

Also, Grudo doesn’t just praise him, he also gives important advices to Anakin. Clones will do what he will order because he is Jedi, but that does not give him automatically their respect. He must prove them he is worth soldier respect, that he is commander who knows what he is doing. Which is something that Anakin took to heart.

The captain in charge of the commandos called them to attention when Anakin entered their bay.

Anakin traded salutes with the captain. "At ease!" he commanded. He spread his legs slightly and clasped his hands behind his back as he scanned the soldiers before him. There were two sergeants in the group, judging by the green markings on their armor.

"I am Commander Anakin Skywalker," he began. "You have been assigned to the Second Division, which I command. You will serve as part of my headquarters battalion, under my personal direction. Captain, you will not report to or receive orders from any other officer during this campaign. I will assign you missions as required by the tactical situation on Praesitlyn. I will not ask you to do anything that I wouldn't do myself. Is that clear?"

"Arrrrruuuhh!" the troopers shouted in unison, coming to attention with a loud slamming of boots on the deck. The compartment echoed with their shouts.

The captain permitted himself a slight smile. "My troopers are ready, sir!" he reported.

Anakin glanced at Grudo, whose face was pulled down in the Rodian smile. "Captain, have the troopers fall out and fall in by their assigned bunks. I wish to inspect their armor, weapons, and equipment."

Anakin spent the rest of the night inspecting the troopers. He found no dust, grease, or dirty weapons. Throughout the inspection, the captain followed Anakin with a datapad at the ready, but he was never told to enter anything.

On the way back to the Ranger, Grudo leaned over and told Anakin, "You did a good job with that inspection. You looked at everything you should, and weren't petty, like some might have been. The troopers appreciate that. They'll fight well for you, I can tell."

Feeling his chest swell with pride and excitement, Anakin swiftly ran through the Jedi Code in his mind: There is no emotion; there is peace... A Jedi does not act for personal power... He was here to do a job-and what was more, a job that would cost soldiers their lives. He would do well to remember his training, he told himself. He was a Jedi, and he would do the Order proud. Taking a deep breath, he reached out to the Force, seeking serenity...

The first meeting between Anakin and the clone commandos who are gonna serve under his command went well. Grudo praised Skywalker for that he “looked at everything you should, and weren't petty, like some might have been” during inspection.

Looking how “The captain permitted himself a slight smile”, I think the leader of commandos shared Grudo’s opinion as well.

What is also interesting, we see Anakin (Jedi commander) trading salutes with the captain. Frankly, I’m not sure if any movie or animated series showed something like that - beside one scene with Kanan and old captain Rex. Comics sources aren’t better in that matter. Usually clone troopers, if ever, are meet with Jedi-like bow of head. It’s nice detail, because Anakin (the Jedi) adapted into military regulation (custom) that clone troopers use on daily basis. Even the pose “at easy” he took after salute is very military-like (albeit he keep similar pose during AotC). I guess, those little details add authenticity to Rex’s words how Anakin, despite being Jedi, feel like true soldier.

Grudo’s praise is a source of pride and excitement; what kind of 20 years old human wouldn’t feel so good in Anakin’s place? At the same time, Skywalker is keeping himself as calm as possible, because war is not a game, and soon many troopers may die because of his orders. Even though Council distrust him for years, he still wants make Jedi Order proud.

After that we have a scene in which old Quartermaster is telling commander Skywalker in great details about logistic.

I talked more about it here, but I feel it’s worth to mention that A) Anakin is trying to get hold of all aspects of how army is working and takes seriously duties of commander - not just the planning battles and leading people into fight. Which I think is much more than Jedi commanders / generals usually did. Or at least, we rarely see them worrying about logistics or anything beside the battle itself. Most likely the clone commanders are the one who take care of such matters. Anakin (as Jedi officer) may be one of few exceptions to rule, and most likely he continues doing so since preparation for Praesitlyn. What may brings him closer to clone troopers, as a Jedi who fullfill all commander duties, not only those battle-related. The final advice of Grudo is that:

"Don't be the kind of commander who leaves the details to others," Grudo had warned him. He wouldn't.

So, Skywalker’s preparation before battle is summed by this:

In fact, Anakin had been a phenomenally quick study in the art of command, throwing himself into the task every waking hour of each day the fleet was in transit. He had immersed himself enthusiastically in all aspects of military management, as well.

Now, let’s see how he (and clone troopers) were doing during getting to and settling on Praesitlyn.

Anakin paced the bridge of the Neelian, clenching and unclenching his fists as he observed the battle cruisers deploy into attack formation. "I should be out there with them," he muttered.

"No, you belong here," Grudo answered. "That's the plan; everyone agreed to it-you agreed. Commanders, too, must follow orders. Once the battle plan is approved, everyone must follow his or her orders. That way, everything works according to the plan. Please, sit. You're making the crew nervous."

At that moment Captain Luhar, the Neelian’s captain, glanced up at Anakin. He patted the gravity couch beside him. "Commander, have a seat."

Reluctantly, Anakin lowered himself onto the couch. "I hate just sitting here," he grumbled.

“You'll have action soon enough," Luhar replied. He was sure about Anakin, whom he felt might be too young and inexperienced--Jedi or not-to be second in command of a fleet. He hoped that nothing would happen to General Halcyon. "Increase magnification," he ordered his navigator. Immediately the Ranger came into sharp focus on the viewscreens. "She's a beautiful little ship," Luhar said.

One of the biggest difficulties for commander Skywalker was sitting and waiting, while others were fighting. Which most likely was mix of his natural impulsiveness & loyalty AND the fact that from the start of war he fought on first line of fire. The feeling he should be fighting alongside soldiers instead of sitting in relative safety may never have left him for good. But at the same time, Anakin was trying hard to adjust to new position, to prove his young age and inexperience will not handicapped him.

Anakin needed to prove himself to troopers and experienced military commander alike. Like we can see with Luhar, the captain did have valid reason to be worry about serving under such young second-in-command of fleet. It wasn’t anything personally, really, but the military (non cloned) officers had their objection to serve with Jedi commanders and generals. Frankly, the same can be said about admiral Yularen from The Clone Wars animated series. I’m really glad for such details.

Luhar nodded. "It's a strong defensive formation, sir. But we'll break it by lining up in a column three ships abreast and attacking at speed. Our ships will concentrate on one side of the square at the same time, in echelon, like a set of moving stairs, to bring the concentrated firepower of our entire battle fleet to bear against that one sector. That's when we go in. Once we're through, we'll disperse the remaining enemy vessels and destroy them individually. Have you ever been in a battle fleet engaged against an enemy, sir?" They'd been over this plan innumerable times, but he knew Anakin would be comforted discussing it again, only minutes before it was to be put into action.

Anakin nodded. "Yes," he said, "but not from the bridge, not watching everything unfold. I got this-" He tapped his prosthesis. "-in individual combat. Have you ever gone one-on-one against someone who was out to kill you, Captain? Have you ever killed anyone up close?"

"Can't say as I have. It's the commander's job to get others to do the killing, not to go in and do it himself."

Anakin shot him a look, suddenly annoyed with the captain - from his tone, it seemed to the young Jedi that he didn't consider individual combat much above the level of starship pilots brawling in a tavern.

The officer was trying his best to comfort / be nice for (too young in his opinion) commander Skywalker, yet Luhar’s comment (attitude) about individual combat (scars/injures) annoyed Anakin.

I think we may all agree that comment “It's the commander's job to get others to do the killing, not to go in and do it himself.” is an opposite of Skywalker’s style of leadership.

Anakin concentrated on controlling himself. Drawing on his Jedi training, he slowed his heartbeat and made himself relax. He knew he shouldn't have taken Captain Luhar's remark so personally. It was only natural for these older military professionals to question his ability to command them: they had minds of their own and a long list of campaigns to prove their coolness in combat. He would just have to prove he could do it. He deepened his breathing, forced the tension out of his muscles, and put all troubling thoughts out of his mind. Now he could more clearly observe the activity on the bridge. The crew were going about their duties quietly, with the confidence born of long experience. He switched his viewing console to cover the deployment formation of his transports. They stretched out in columns far behind the Neelian. Escort ships, alert for any approaching danger, cruised about the periphery of the transport columns in apparently aimless courses, but Anakin knew that the commanders of those ships were actually very carefully patrolling their assigned sectors, alert for any approaching danger. Even if they totally destroyed the enemy fleet-and that seemed inevitable now-if anything happened to the troop transports, the expedition would be a total failure.

Instead of arguing with captain Luhar, Anakin did his best to control himself. He accepted that older, more experiences commanders will question his ability to command them. This is a sign of maturity that some sources like to omit.

During space battle, general Halcyon was unable to oversee Republic forces, so the responsibility for landing and securing area fell on Skywalker:

"The Ranger's been hit!" Anakin shouted. Everyone on the bridge started.

"I believe you're right." Captain Luhar leaned forward. Then he looked at Anakin. "Commander, that means-"

"Sir! Message from the Ranger. She reports her propulsion unit is damaged and they have been boarded. General Halcyon directs Commander Skywalker to assume command of the fleet and to commence deploying the landing force."

"Look there!" another crew member shouted. "She is being boarded." On the screens they could just make out a dim shape attached to the Ranger's stern. "There's another one."

"They're skirmisher ships," the captain announced. "The enemy commander's put them out in advance of his position to ambush us. Blasted things remained cloaked until they attacked. Comm, warn the rest of the fleet. Commander, shall I give the order to land the landing force?"

Anakin struggled to control his emotions. He was in charge now, and he would be every bit the commanding officer.

“Thank you, Captain. Please give the order to land the transports. Inform General Halcyon's deputy division commander that he is now in command of his division and, until further notice, I shall be field commander in place of General Halcyon." He turned to the Rodian. "Grudo, our troopers are ready for battle. Let us join them."

Anakin stood before the screen for a moment. Smoke, debris, pain, and fear-he could see it all. But Halcyon was alive and fighting. Anakin smiled. Too bad for you, boarders, he thought. He tried to send a thought to Halcyon: Good luck. As he and Grudo made their way back to the flight deck he realized how little he had used the Force since they'd set out from Coruscant.

Anakin works pretty good under pressure, or at least under pressure during battle. He believed in general Halcyon and wished him good luck via Force. Interestingly, since he set out from Coruscant he did use the Force little. So I guess, adjusting into his new role (military) was more absorbing than Jedi training.

He was planning - and did - join troopers as soon as it was possible.

Our troopers are ready for battle, commander Skywalker said to sergeant major Grudo.Once again, our troopers, the lack of “clone” is Anakin’s constant way to adress / think about clones.

Using ground-skimming navigation, Anakin expertly guided the troop landing craft, letting it roar along at a scant ten meters above the ground. Grudo sat strapped into the copilot's seat, gripping the armrests as Anakin delicately shifted the steering yoke just enough to clear the top of a hill that flashed beneath them. "Just missed that one, Grudo! Check our troopers, would you?" He was delighted to be flying the transport, and perversely amused that at last he'd found something that made the Rodian soldier nervous.

Glad to have an excuse to take his eyes off the terrain that was whipping past too close beneath them, Grudo slid the cabin door open and glanced back at the fifty clone troopers strapped into the troop compartment. They sat there calmly, silently, as if they were riding a bus to a picnic. The platoon commander glanced at Grudo and gave him the thumbs-up sign. Grudo turned back to Anakin.

"The troopers are doing well. Can you slow down a bit, or do you enjoy giving me heart failure?"

Anakin personally piloted the troop landing craft, to Grudo’s horror. To make it easy for Rodian soldier, Skywalker asked to check “our troopers”. The narration made it clear, all troopers were in fact clones. Like I said earlier, Anakin’s lack of emphasis on the world “clone” is interesting detail, especially compared to other characters like Obi-Wan.

Anakin’s task was done so it was time to meet Slayke:

The flag of the Republic wrapped around his neck, Zozridor Slayke leapt gracefully over the ramparts the labor droids were erecting and looked around. His heart raced. For almost as far as he could see the sky was full of landing craft; others, already landed in vast clouds of dust and sand, were disgorging squads of armored troopers. An older human male with brown mustaches and brilliant blue eyes looked up as Slayke approached and nodded to his companions, who appeared to be studying maps or plans. They turned as one and stared at the battle-scarred figure rapidly approaching, a huge grin on his face.

Slayke stopped before the older man, came to attention, and saluted him smartly. As his hand came up to his right brow at a rorry-five-degree angle a tiny cloud of dust puffed off his arm. “Captain Zozridor Slayke, commanding the force opposing the separatist invaders of Praesitlyn, sir. I hereby offer my full assistance in your campaign to liberate this world."

The older man, an embarrassed expression on his face, slowly returned Slayke's salute and said, "Well, I'm here to tell you!" He gestured at a Jedi standing next to a-a Rodian?

"Who is that?" Slayke asked, startled.

Anakin stepped into full view. "Jedi Anakin Skywalker, Captain Slayke. I'm in command of the landing force. This," he said, nodding at Grudo, "is my sergeant major. I am very pleased and honored to make your acquaintance. "

Slayke looked over at the older man he'd mistaken for the commander, but that gentleman shrugged.

"The Republic's so low on soldiers they're robbing the cradle now, eh? " Slayke slammed a fist into his thigh. A cloud of dust puffed up. "What was your name again, Jedi General?"

I kinda find it interesting that Anakin was accompanied just by quartermaster and sergeant major, not the higher ranked officers. Sadly, no clone commander either, but in time when the first clone wars books were written, clones rarely get much attention.

Of course, Skywalker’s young age become misleading and Slayke looked down on Republic, claiming it’s so low on soldiers to “robbing the cradle”. Side note, Ahsoka was much much younger than Anakin when she became commander. In a sense, Slayke was right, Republic sent much younger people in battles. Ahsoka most likely meet with a lot hostility for her (too) young age too. So this experience could give Anakin a better understanding of his future padawan.

"Anakin Skywalker, sir." Anakin bowed slightly at the waist. "And it's Commander, not General. Sir, I have heard a lot about you and am honored-"

"Look, Jedi Commander Anakin Skywalker, I have only about two thousand soldiers left of all those who landed here with me. We fought them hard and upset their plans. But you're honored? Don't talk to me of'honor,'Jedi. We're nothing but blood, guts, and sweat here and-" He shook his head as he looked over the landing force. "If there's anything more useless in this galaxy than a Jedi's brain, it's a clone trooper. They're one step above a droid-in fact, I'd prefer droids over these ugly clones anytime. You can't tell clones apart, and they all have the same personality."

Anakin tried to stay calm and polite, Slayke is not impressed. He insulted Jedi and had even lower opinion on clones. Called clone troopers useless, ugly, too-alike and a bit later in the same meeting, an army of test-tube soldiers.

Sadly, anti-clone sentiment is nothing new.

"Now, see here!" the older officer protested. "We've heard quite enough from you, Slayke. I'm here to tell you!"

"Who is this, since he's not the general?" Slayke asked Anakin.

"My quartermaster, Major Mess Boulanger."

Slayke roared with laughter and pointed a finger at Boulanger. "You mean I was dumb enough to try to report to a blasted box kicker? Oh, that's rich! Well, Major, rather you commanding this force than this beardless wonder here."

Anakin held up a hand. "Captain Slayke, right now I'm busy landing my troops. We're going to establish a defensive position. I suggest you remove your forces to this spot and consolidate with us. As soon as General Halcyon joins us--”

Slayke groaned and slapped his forehead. "Halcyon, did you say? Nejaa Halcyon? He's commanding this fleet?"

"Yessir. As soon as he joins us-"

Slayke laughed. He turned his eyes skyward and raised both arms over his head. "Why is this happening to me!"

"Captain, I know you and General Halcyon, er, had some, uh, differences once-"

"Oh, you do, do you, young beardless Jedi?" Slayke laughed louder. "I never met the man." He scowled. "I was too busy stealing his ship. So the best the vaunted Republic can do is send me a boy and a certifiable idiot with an army of-of - test-tube soldiers," he sneered.

"We'll do," Anakin said shortly, controlling his annoyance with effort.

"All right! All right!" Slayke held out both palms. "I'm going back to my troops. You see that slight rise over there? That's my command post. When General Halcyon gets here, you and him come on over and we'll talk I'm the one who's been fighting the droid army. You want to know what it's been like, you come on over and see me." With that, he spun on his heel and stomped off. Whew," one of the officers standing nearby sighed. "He's what we call a hard case where I come from."

"Well," Anakin answered slowly, "he has been through a lot. Did you hear what he said? He only has two thousand soldiers left of the army that landed here with him? That's a fantastically heavy casualty rate! No wonder he's bitter." He turned to his officers. "Let's land the rest of our force, and when General Halcyon gets here, we'll go on over and pay Zozridor Slayke a formal visit."

I must say I really like the maturity seen in Anakin through the story. He was annoyed by Slayke’s behaviour but did his best to not argue and kept focused at task, while at the same had empathy for the other man who lost so many men and most likely just lashed out at Jedi in anger/pain.

The meeting between Anakin, Neeja and Slayke was even more intense, since older Jedi and Slayke had their unfinished bussiness. I’m not going talk about the whole scene, but here are few compelling moments:

"I see you've dragged him along, too," Slayke sneered, nodding at Grudo, who was trying to remain inconspicuous at the rear of the crowd.

"Grudo goes where I go-that's the way it's going to be," Anakin answered at once.

"My, my, this sprout certainly has a mind of his own." Slayke chuckled. "I like soldiers who have minds of their own-they're much harder to steal than, say, someone's starship." He laughed enormously.

“Grudo goes where I go - that’s the way it's going to be” - let’s remember Anakin is second-in-command of the whole GAR forces on the planet and Grudo is A) alien and B) much lower in rank. Yet Anakin really respected Rodian soldier’s teaching and advices and dragged him literally everywhere he went. Republic was not so racist like Empire, but GAR (especially those now under Neeja’s command) were mainly human beings so he stood out pretty much. This is something that always makes me think about captain Rex from TCW. I have the feeling Anakin dragged him too into meetings in which some people did not want a clone between them but Rex stayed because Anakin wouldn’t allow it other way. Skywalker already proved he does not care much for “etiquette” or if other officers will joke. If he respects (befriends) someone, be it a soldier with lower rank, then said person will be accompanying him and end of discussion.

"You can call me what you like, as long as you mean sir. I was sent here by the Senate to take command of this operation, and take command I will. You will place your remaining troops under me. While I value your opinion and look forward to hearing your advice, I'll make the final decisions on any plans for the employment of this army, is that clear?"

Anakin realized instantly that Halcyon had taken the wrong approach with Slayke, but held his tongue. There was more going on here than the mere execution of orders.

Slayke leaned back in his chair and puffed out his cheeks. Well, that's a mighty big speech from a guy"-he leaned forward across the table-"who can't even keep his pocket from being picked." He grinned evilly.

Halcyon still refused to be drawn in. "Captain, I have the authority of the Senate-"

Tell them to kiss my sweet toes," Slayke retorted. “- I have a fleet in orbit and I have an army of fresh troops-"

"Blasted faceless clones," Slayke spat, "Look around you! This is an army-these are soldiers, battle-hardened veterans who've withstood the worst the enemy has thrown at them and still have fight in them! You think your clones can match spirit like that? Ha!" He placed his hands behind his head. A susurration of agreement swept through Slayke's assembled staff officers. "And, I might add, you took your sweet time getting here!"

Anakin may not like Halcyon approach, but he keep silent as good padawan should.

Slayke is still and asshole when it comes to clones. His staff officers to some degree agree with his opinion about that.

"My flagship was scuttled and most of her crew killed when we broke the cordon and restored communications, Captain," Halcyon answered, his voice flat and hard.

"Yes? And while you were taking your time getting here, we were fighting and I lost thousands of good troops! Do you think any of us care in the least about your flagship's crew?" Slayke's face had flushed with anger. "We didn't have the 'Force' to help us, either. I suppose you called on it to extricate yourself?" He sneered.

"Yes, and this." With one smooth motion made so fast nobody-not even Anakin-saw it coming, Halcyon drew his lightsaber and activated it. The onlookers gasped at the sight of the brilliant blade of pure energy.

Slayke's eyes narrowed and his body tensed, but he didnt move or even show any degree of surprise. "Any more tricks?" he asked in a normal voice.

Halcyon deactivated the lightsaber and hooked it back onto his belt. "I rather like these things," he said pleasantly, patting the weapon affectionately. "They come in handy when you're outnumbered a hundred to one. You were saying?" He smiled engagingly. Slayke laughed. "I have to admit, I'm coming to admire your style!"

At that point Anakin lost his patience with the verbal sparring. "We don't have much time to get organized," he interrupted. "Let's get on with our strategy session. What happened on Bpfassh was then; this is now. Let's put that behind us and concentrate on the job at hand." He paused, letting them see the dark fury in his eyes. Both Halcyon and Slayke stared at him.

"Well..." Slayke leaned back and regarded Anakin for a moment. "Yessir!" He gave a casual salute.

Halcyon cleared his throat. "He's right, Slayke," he said. "We've got to cooperate-" Halcyon's personal comlink interrupted him. "This must be something important. Excuse me, please."

There is something really ironic and hilarious at the same time, that when two older, more experienced battle-wise men argued and fight for, well, a dominance, +/-21 year old Anakin is a voice of reason in room full of veterans. And the only one brash to actually call both men on wasting time over something that happened in past instead of focusing at job at hand. The older Jedi and Slayke actually came to term with each other and the unexpected holo-transmittion related to captured personel of Intergalactic Communications Center on Praesitlyn only solided their alliance.

Soon later, the three men worked together on battle plan to take control over Praesitlyn:

Drawing up a battle plan is no easy task. It has to be both detailed and concise, but at the same time flexible enough to accommodate the instant changes required by a fluid battlefield situation. Halycon's operations officer was given the task, under Anakin's supervision, of writing the plan. Each staff specialist in Halcyon's army was given a portion of the plan, an "annex" to execute: the personnel chief, operations chief, chief surgeon, intelligence chief, ordnance chief, the artillery, infantry, armor, and air commanders, and last but hardly least, quartermaster and transportation-none other than old Mess Boulanger. Each portion of the plan would be integrated into the whole. Time was short, however, and nobody could quite agree on the best course of action.

After several hours it finally got down to two basic approaches.

"Frontal assaults are out of the question," Slayke roared. "You ought to know that an attacking force incurs casualties at a rate of at least three to one against a fortified position. That's what he's hoping for, so he can cut us down to size!"

"I know, I know," Halcyon replied. "I'm just advising a feint at his center while a strong force swings around one of his flanks. Grab him in the center of his line, hold him fast, make him think that's our main axis of attack, and hit him around the flank and come down on his rear."

"How about a vertical envelopment?" Anakin suggested. "We have the transports. We could land a force in his rear and attack from there, while our main force advances on the center of his line."

Slayke cocked an eyebrow "What do you think?" he asked Halcyon.

"I don't know," the Jedi Master replied cautiously. "What's his anti-aircraft capability?"

"We've made an assessment," his intelligence officer responded. "We sent remotely piloted vehicles over his lines an hour ago in anticipation of this question, sir. We sent several-none came back - But they transmitted enough information for us to determine that his anti-air defenses are particularly dense. We spotted quad laser cannons, as well as ion cannons that they must have off-loaded from their ships and installed as air defense weapons. We estimate at least thirty-five percent casualties just going in, Sy--and even higher casualties coming back out."

"Prohibitive," Slayke said softly. "I'm sorry, Anakin, vertical envelopment won't work. I think the only viable tactic is to swing around one of his flanks." Which had been Halcyon's opinion from the beginning.

"Don't forget, he can reinforce every part of his line on a very short axis, while we'll have a much longer way to go to move troops and supplies, especially if we're successful in getting around one of his flanks," Anakin pointed out.

Slayke nodded approvingly. "The young Jedi is becoming a strategist."

Halcyon smiled. "Anakin is a man of many surprising talents."

Slayke laughed. "Anakin, you just may have a future in this trade."

Anakin was trusted with difficult and very important tasks, both by older Jedi and Slayke. What is pretty nice, because I don’t think we see that often when he was around his master and other “important” Jedi.

At the same time, the lack of clone commanders is disturbing. Of course, narrative may simply not put emphasis on the world “clone” and those mentioned chiefs are in fact clones but I have feeling it may be not the case.

Of course, before any battle plan will be used, there is need for reconnaissance:

Then we'll follow the plan to attack the center simultaneously with a strong force swinging around his flank," Halcyon said. "But first we've got to know how strong his positions are."

“I have just the man," Slayke said. "Omin, front and center! Sergeant L'Loxx is one of the best recon men in the business. He'll probe their lines and find any weaknesses there might be."

The sergeant approached the officers and came to attention. Halcyon stood and shook his hand. "It's nearly midnight, Sergeant L'Loxx. Can you complete a reconnaissance of the enemy line by dawn?"

"I can't do the whole line in the same night, sir," the sergeant answered, "but yessir, I'll reconnoiter wherever you want and be back here well before dawn. I can be ready in fifteen minutes."

"Let's send three probes, then-center, left, and right. But I think we should send clone commandos," Anakin said.

"Begging your pardon, sir, but I'm the best there is for this job, only I can't do the whole line myself. Give me whatever sector you want and I'll get the information you need."

"Very well. Sergeant, you take the right flank." Aside, Halcyon told Anakin, "You select commandos to do the center and left flank," Then back to L'Loxx: "The former strongpoint Izable will be your jumping-off place, and that'll be where you'll come back through our lines. How many troopers will you need?"

"Just me, sir."

"Only yourself?" Halcyon looked at Slayke, who shrugged. "What if something happens, Sergeant? How will we get your report?"

"Nothing will happen to me."

"I'd like to go with him," Grudo said, stepping up beside where Anakin was sitting.

"Ridiculous!" Slayke snorted.

"A Rodian should be good on patrol, sir," Sergeant L'Loxx said. "They're experts at getting into places where they arent wanted-and getting back out again."

Anakin nodded. "Grudo's in, then."

"We want to go, too," someone said. It was one of the guards from the Neelian, Corporal Ram Raders.

Halcyon stood up quickly. "What is this? I send out one man on a recon, and half my army wants to go along. We may as well mount the assault right now without any idea what's out there. No, and that's final." He sat down.

"Please, sir," Raders pleaded. "That's the sort of thing we're good at. Besides, all we're doing here is standing around. We can be a great help to the sergeant."

"I'll take them," Sergeant L'Loxx said. "If I'm not satisfied with how they move, I'll leave them at Izable. But that's it. Four's maybe too many as it is."

"Very well," Halcyon said. "Anakin, coordinate all this with the clone commandos. All of you meet back here in fifteen minutes for a briefing."

Up until now there was little about Anakin and clone troopers. A disappointment, I know. But here comes the interesting details:

Understable, Slayke has L'Loxx’s skill in high regard. Anakin is the only one officer that actually thought about sending clone commandos. L'Loxx disagrees, saying he is the best person to do the job. Halcyon agrees to Anakin’s idea to sent more troopers to check three enemy positions. He also allowed Skywalker to chose clone commandos for the mission, since commandos are under his command. Anakin’s thought why clones should go is not explained. Maybe it is his faith in his men, maybe pragmatic thinking since those men are commandos and such missions should be their speciality. Whatever reason, Skywalker is like the only one officer between the main heroes who take into account clone commandos and we know for sure is interacting with them off-panel.

The next paragraphes of book are focused at L'Loxx’s team. Grudo’s presence actually was useful but during mission the troopers met two survives of the last battle and Odie (another protagonist) shot Grudo thinking he was the enemy.

"Grudo's shot real bad," Corporal Raders said. "She hit him in the side of his head. Blast you people! What the-" He stopped abruptly as he took in the pair.

"I-I-we-we were trapped in a bunker, sir. II thought you were the enemy. My buddy is badly hurt, too. I-I'm sorry about your soldier. I-"

L'Loxx turned and knelt beside Grudo. The side of the Rodian's head gave to his probing fingers, but he was still conscious. His one good eye blinked in the gunlight. He tried to say something, but it came out as only noise.

"Let's wait for the ARC troopers," Raders suggested. "They can help us carry him back to the aid station. There's nothing we can do for him here."

"If we don't get him back right now he won't make it, and after what he's done this night, we're not waiting. You two," L'Loxx said, indicating Odie and Erk, "give us a hand."

"Sir, my buddy is badly burned-he can't help carry anyone."

"Okay, you help him along; we'll handle Grudo ourselves. And stop calling me sir, I work for a living-hey! I know you two! You're from General Khamar's army. We came in together. I don't remember your names, but I found you two out in the desert-"

"Sergeant L'Loxx," Odie gasped.

"How're you doing?' Erk asked from where he lay.

"I remember now," L'Loxx said, "they sent you up to Izable after we came in together. Well, I'll be-"

"Sergeant, let's get moving? We can talk when we get back to our lines," Raders suggested.

In moments they had rigged a stretcher from a net Odie found in her equipment belt and two long durasteel rods they wrenched from the ruins of a bunker. Carrying Grudo over the rough ground was easier than they'd expected.

I feel like the book confuses ARC and Clone Commandos.

So, one of troopers actually suggested to wait for clones so they could help to carry an injured Grudo but L'Loxx disagreed, saying Rodian needs help ASAP; especially after how useful he was to mission, the man did not want to wait any longer.

We may only wonder would L'Loxx be so in hurry to left behind other troopers to save injured teammate if said troopers weren’t clones. On one hand, earlier paragraphs provided that Slayke and his men were biased against clones. On another, this is hard situation and soldiers sometimes must make diffucult decisions who save, for who wait and who leave.

Sergeant L'Loxx came to attention and saluted Halcyon.

"Make your report, Sergeant."

"We didn't wait for the other teams to come in, sir, because I had two wounded and had to get them to the aid station. Their right flank is vulnerable, sir." He moved to a three-dimensional display. "First, this hill on the far end of the line is only lightly defended. I think they're counting on the rocks at the foot of the hill to break up any assault. Second, I didn't see any crew-served weapons up there.They haven't brought in artillery. And finally, I have reason to believe lack of maintenance might be reducing the droid fighting force. We put them through some exercises, and they'll lose combat strength through breakdowns."

L'Loxx did report they did not wait for other teams to come in because they had two heavily wounded that needed help ASAP.

The commanders had thus only one raport to base on their plan attack.

"Who was wounded?" Anakin asked.

"I'm afraid the Rodian, sir."

"How badly?"

"Very badly, sir. But let me add this: we wouldn't have made it back with this information if it hadn't been for him. He stayed behind long enough to give the rest of us a chance to get some distance between us and the droid lines. I want to add also, sir," he said, turning to Halcyon, "that your two guards are solid soldiers. They held up their end."

"Well, who's the other wounded trooper, then?" Slayke asked. Briefly L'Loxx explained about Odie and Erk. "I remember them. She went to Izable with the lieutenant," Slayke said.

"She's the one who shot Grudo," L'Loxx told Anakin. "In the dark and the confusion she thought we were the enemy. It was just one of those situations nobody could have anticipated. It happens, sir. Friendly fire."

"Very well, then." Halcyon had made his decision, "It's zero four hundred hours now. Commander Skywalker, at zero six hundred I want you in position to attack that right flank. Use Sergeant L'Loxx as your guide. Take two brigades of your division. Leave the third in reserve under the command of Captain Slayke."

"Shouldn't we wait for the commandos to report, sir?" Halcyon's operations officer asked.

“I’ll be interested to hear what they've found out, but no. This-" He pointed to the display. "-is the pivotal point in our assault, and we'll attack there. I'll take my division and attack the center. I'll wait until you're in place before I commence my attack, Commander Skywalker. You wait ten minutes after I move forward before moving in. I believe during that time the enemy will bring in troops from his wings to reinforce his center. We've given him two artillery barrages so far tonight to soften him up, or I hope he thinks so, and when we hit him again while my division moves into position, he'll see that as the main attack, I'm sure of it. I think we might just carry this off." He turned to his operations officer. "Issue the order to all commanders."

Of course, Anakin is the one asking who was wounded. Though in this case, he could be simply worried about his close friend, Grudo. The narrative does not tell how the news affected Skywalker nor how he reacted to fact Grudo was shot by “friendly fire”. We aren’t told of any sign of anger or Dark Side-like emotions but his vocal participation in the BIG TALK about strategy & what to do now is limited. He does not talk much after hearing about Grudo and the silence contrast with previously mentioned offiicer meetings. He got his orders, did not question them or argue or, well, talk at all.

Surprising, Halcyon’s operations officer is the only one person to ask if they shouldn’t wait for commandos to report, to gain more knowledge about enemy. Yet general Halcyon decided to focus on what they gained already and attact as soon as possible.

No one argued with final order.

In a moment there will be more text about clone commandos and Skywalker, but I wish to mention that before the battle started, Anakin went to visit his dying friend. There he had short talk with doctor:

Anakin cut the doctor off. "There's nothing you can do, Doctor?"

The surgeon shook his head. "No, he's just too far gone."

"Can he hear us?"

"I don't think so, but his status is the same if he can hear us or not. With a head injury like that he won't last much longer. We can't even give him a sedative, unless, of course, you want me to end his misery-"

Anakin turned on him. "If I ever again hear you say something like that about one of my troopers, I swear..." He shook his head. "Now have the courtesy to leave me alone with my friend."

On doctor’s suggestion /ask that they could Grudo sedative to “end his misery” (aka kill him in faster way), Anakin reaction is sharp and angry. Interesting, the "If I ever again hear you say something like that about one of my troopers, I swear...” is not just about Grudo (as in: talking about his friend & mentor) but about all troopers under his command. This is very notable statement, because we know from other (later?) sources that clones were killed off, if they couldn’t fight anymore yet keeping them alive was too bothersome / expensive. I doubt Anakin had that kind of knowledge or meet with such practice and it may be just his instict to save (keep safe) people around him. But since Anakin’s men were mainly clones, I think it’s right to assume, he would react the same if doctor talked about clone trooper instead of Grudo.

Now is time to have some clone troopers’ insight on the matters:

Clone Commando CT-19/39, not Sergeant Omin L'Loxx, good as he might have been, was really the best reconnaissance man currently on Praesitlyn. His own nickname for himself was Green Wizard, because of his rank as a sergeant and his skill at patrol craft. As soon as he was given command of team one to cover the left flank of the enemy positions, he decided to split it up so each commando could conduct his own probe into the enemy lines and penetrate as far into them as he could, to bring back as much intelligence as possible.

Green Wizard made it all the way to the Intergalactic Communications Center buildings without being detected. Carefully, he committed the position of every gun he could find to memory, counted the droids staffing the positions, noted their armaments, noted where the enemy had dug in artillery. Of special interest to him was the fact that several guns were evidently being moved to the far left of the enemy line to strengthen the positions on the two small hills at that end of the defenses. In his opinion, however, the weak spot in Toniths line was on his right, not his left, because Green Wizard had come through there so easily-and especially now, since he could tell the general where every gun was on that flank. It was clear to Green Wizard that the attack should fall entirely on the left, the whole army thrown against that flank in echelon to slam into it with tremendous force and fold it back upon itself, breaking Tonith's hold and rolling up his entire defenses in one swift, irresistible blow.

The only trouble was that now Green Wizard had to get back to his own lines to report this information. He could call on his comlink, but General Halcyon had been very specific that no one was to break comm silence during the reconnaissance. Apparently his other two comrades had not had as much success as he at remaining undetected: there had been shooting all along the line, especially where they would have crossed - a lot of shooting-so Green Wizard was pretty sure they had been discovered and possibly had not made it back to their rally point just below the mesa. He wondered about the troopers who were supposed to probe the center. Would they have seen what he had? Had some of the shooting been directed at them? They were clone commandos so they were good, very good, but not as good as he, and everyone's luck ran out sometime. Green Wizard knew one day his would, too, and perhaps this night it had for his comrades. He had to assume he was the only one left now and it was up to him to get the intelligence he'd gathered back to headquarters.

The book give short but overall solid focus on clone commando, known as Green Wizard (a name he chose for himself!). The man not only made it all the way to the Intergalactic Communications Center buildings without being detected, but also memorized a lot important informations.

In contrast to Sergeant Omin L'Loxx - who reported “Their right flank is vulnerable, sir.” - Green Wizard assumed different. To that I will come back soon.

Whatever commando thought, he couldn’t call on his comlink to pass his knowledge because general Halcyon gave a strict order that no one was to break comm silence during the reconnaissance. And well, clones were bred for obedience.

To pass the informations he needed first get back to his own lines and here comes the worst part:

The barrage came unexpectedly, catching Green Wizard still behind enemy lines. That didn't surprise him: such things happened often in battle. Someone had made a mistake, starting the barrage before all the teams had been accounted for, but that wasn't his worry-getting back was. Yet even as Green Wizard hugged the ground, he noted how accurate Halcyon's artillerists were. He respected accuracy and professionalism, and admired the artillery even as it came crashing and smashing down all around him, bouncing him up in the air, crushing the breath out of him, shaking his teeth loose.

When the three teams were sent on mission, they were told “When you've all reported you're ready to return, we'll lay down some more artillery to cover you, and that'll be your signal to come back in." When Clone Commando get catch by barrage he was still behing enemy lines and thought someone had made a mistake - Republic forces shouldn’t start the barrage before all the teams had been accounted for, and team of L'Loxx decided to not wait for clone commanos and soon after that General Halcyon decided to base his plan only on L'Loxx’s raport (opinion). Thus clone commandos were left on their own.

That of course ended badly for abandoned commando:

At first Green Wizard felt no pain at all. He knew his leg had been severed, but he just tied off the artery with a length of cord and considered his options. He knew that soon there would be pain, followed by shock. He had to do something and quickly, because the intelligence he had was too important to die with him. If he stayed where he was, he would be found and executed. He could call in his findings now and his mission would be over, successfully completed; but his orders were not to use the comlink except to signal that he was ready to come back in. He gave the signal and for a moment, but only for an instant, he felt a flash of something like anger that someone back at the command post had not followed the plan for the night. The barrage continued unabated.

So his only option now was to try to get back to his own lines. With one leg gone, that would be difficult, but not impossible. Clone commandos were at their best when faced with obstacles that would be insuperable to any ordinary being.

Slowly, carefully, he began to crawl. At some point the tourniquet on his leg came loose and he started losing blood. He succeeded in making it as far as the dry riverbed, but that was where he finally realized he could go no farther. He had to make his report before he was too weak to do it, orders or no orders. He reached for his comlink, but somewhere along the way he had lost it. He chided himself for that. He had let pain and physical exhaustion distract him. It would be good if he did die here. He didn't want anyone to know how incompetent he'd become. But Green Wizard also felt a terrible sense of frustration, not because he was dying, but because he would die with information that was vital to the army he served. His last conscious thought was that he had done his best.

Despite pain, Green Wizard was angry mainly about two things: dying before he could pass the important for upcoming battle informations and that “someone back at the command post had not followed the plan for the night.” This is a problem of making decisions - some choices will be good, some not. Jedi aren’t omniscient, the same can be said about any commander, even the best of best.

From the POV of enemy:

Admiral Pors Tonith kicked the body gingerly with one foot and cast a wary eye at the armor that had been stripped from the corpse and piled off to the side. He was very nervous, being exposed like this in the open, but he'd been called out of his bunker to witness this grisly discovery and he realized it was important. It was still full dark and dawn was an hour away, but he was anxious to get back under cover again. "It's a clone commando," he said.

We've found one more complete body and parts of others, possibly as many as five altogether," the officer said. "Evidently they were killed by their own artillery last night."

Clone commandos - if didn’t die before - were killed by their own artillery.

We may only wonder if decision to not wait for clone commandos was somehow based on prejudice toward them. We may only wonder if general Halcyon’s desicion to rely solely on one raport while not waiting for two other teams would be the same if, for example, Anakin went on such mission and still not returned. Or if instead of clone commandos, the other teams were made of Slayke’s own people, would captain so easily agreed then to abandoned his missing/still on mission men? We can’t know for sure, but the lack of clone commanders during such critical moments is kinda disturbing because Jedi and non-cloned people are the one making decisions that directly affect clone troopers’ life.

Then again, the book itself gave small paragraph how success of military operation depends on small details, how it’s easy to make a mistake during stressful moment such as battlefield when decisions must be make quickly:

Often the success of a military operation depends on a mere chance event, such as someone coming to a place-a crossroads, a river, a bridge, a village-only a few minutes before or after someone else. That matter of moments can spell the difference between victory or defeat on a battlefield. Or sometimes disaster hangs on a decision by a commander who makes it without full knowledge of his enemy's intentions or dispositions; a good commander has to be able to make snap decisions, because delay can be fatal to a campaign. But so can the wrong decision, and even the very best commanders, pressed by the rapidly unfolding events of the modern battlefield to decide quickly on tactical matters, can make a mistake. Even with all the technology available to the warrior, the battlefield is still a confused and disorganized place where events move with ugntning speed under a cloak of impenetrable darkness called the fog of battle. And no one who is not right there can penetrate it.

Thus the importance of the reconnaissance Nejaa Halcyon ordered, and thus the importance of the decision he made based on the information garnered by only one of the teams sent on that reconnaissance.

For the final of this part, let’s look at meeting between commander Skywalker and ARC that happened just after battle briefing.

"Sir, may I speak with you for a moment?" It was the ARC captain.

"Make it quick, Captain."

"Yessir. We lost six troopers on the reconnaissance, so we know nothing about what the enemy intends to do in his main positions."

"Well, Captain, I'm sure you lost your troopers because that part of the enemy line was impenetrable. That must mean that General Halcyon's decision to take the hills is the correct one. You heard Sergeant L'Loxx's report."

"Yessir. Why did the second barrage open before we knew if the men had made it back?"

Anakin hadn't expected that question. Was this clone questioning his commander's orders? He knew ARC troopers were several cuts above the ordinary clone trooper, but this line of questioning was getting very close to insubordination. "General Halcyon had to make a decision, Captain: leave L'Loxx out there until your troopers reported in, take a chance on losing all the recon men, or bring at least some of them in to make a report. In the event, he made the correct decision."

"But one did give the signal. Too late."

"Yes, yes," Anakin answered quickly, "I'm sorry about that. Captain, you do realize that this entire attack depends on you and your troopers, don't you? What do you say we get moving now?"

The captain saluted, made an about-face, and left the command post. Anakin stood there thinking for a moment. He had not expected a clone trooper-even an ARC-to question orders. When Anakin had craved a command of his own, he had not really thought about the responsibility that entailed: responsibility for the lives of individual sentient beings who would die on his orders, regardless of whether their loyalty had been bought by the Republic, as was the case with the clone army, or whether, like Khamar's and Slayke's soldiers, they fought because they thought it was their duty to oppose tyranny.

Here. One of the most important scene between Anakin and clone troopers that happened in this book. Up until now, it was Anakin-Halcyon-Slayke team to argue and point out flaws during planning and to make final decisions. Clone commanders presence was minimal, to not say not existing during officer meetings. Anakin did not question Halcyon final decisions, the same as troopers did not question his. And then ARC captain comes to him not only to point out they have little informations about enemy, but also to ask “Why did the second barrage open before we knew if the men had made it back?” WHY NO ONE GIVE HIS MEN A CHANCE TO COME BACK. WHY THEY DIDN’T WAIT WITH ATTACK A BIT LONGER? Who knows, maybe if ARC captain was involved in officer meetings, he could convince GAR commander to wait with second barrage (that one that killed Green Wizard and most likely other commandos). Unfortunately, the commandship was mainly made of non-cloned officers.

And Anakin is surprised by being questioned by his trooper - more, by clone trooper! - because such thing falls close to insubordination. Oh, aren’t padawan-master relationship similar? Do not question your superior?

But also this short talk must be very uncomfortable, because what else Anakin could say? He is believing in Halcyon’s judgment, he is advocating the hard choice older Jedi had to make. Take what he could (one team) or wait longer and risk to lost all informations. And like the book already pointed out, sometimes even the best commander will make fatal mistakes that will cost people’s life. And Anakin can see it now clearly, being commander means not only giving orders but also taking responsibility for human beings. Being responsible for someone’s death.

I think it’s pretty clear to see how uneasy he is during that talk. There is pressure of upcoming fight and also awkwardness of the situation, of subtle accusation coming from ARC. This is not the best moment, as in: easy to get over. But the hard lesson will serve him right in future, I think. Anakin as general of GAR and even Dark Lord of the Sith was pretty open-minded and allowing subordinates (Ahsoka, Rex & 501st troopers) to question his plans and point out potential flaws. So maybe this unexpected talk actually affected him deeper that it seems on first look?

Skywalker in the book was around 21 years old. He had his moments of maturity but he was still really young man that tried hard to meet high expectations. Of Jedi. Of older officers & veterans. Of himself. But the book does not focus only on his achievements but also forces him to face his flaws & thoughtless. From all main heroes, Anakin is the one seen to interact with clones the most and learning to see them in new light. What will be even more visible during battle.

I must say I really enjoyed - and still enjoy - this story. The lack of clone commanders presence during officer meetings was always disturbing, but at the same time it shows how clone troopers were looked down by wide circle. Even if other (non-cloned) commanders and troopers did not treat them with open animosity, I can’t shake off the feeling that there may be something not right within GAR. Some bias toward clones is most likely there and such bias may affect commanders choices too. Commander Skywalker, for most of parts, treat them as any other troopers, yes, but his opinion of them is challenged on some occassion.

The one thing I’m upset is that to teach Anakin how to be good leader - and to present how war is traumatizing, cruel and stressful time - the story is killing mainly clone troopers (and Grudo, the main alien character). Also, for now Anakin does not show that much sorrow over killed, though it may be just that there is no time to grief and he is under heavy pressure to feel the lost. Grudo was his close friend/ally, clone commandos were his men and he was sincenery happy to be their commander. But the battle is closer with passing minutes - about what I’m gonna talk hopeful soon.

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anotherhawk · 5 years

Text

Star Wars fic - The Past Remains Ch 3 (Final)

Whole story can be found here.

Summary: The war drags on leaving trauma and destruction in its wake. After a bereaved Master is accused of harming his padawan, Obi-Wan is sent to talk to her, dredging up memories of his own past and leading to a night drinking with the Jedi Council, a few unexpected revelations and now some complicated conversations with Cody and with Anakin.

Chapter 3

Obi-Wan woke abruptly with a splitting headache and a feeling of gentle regret. He kept his eyes shut tight and reached out into the Force, taking solace in the familiar ebb and flow, the cool presence wrapping itself around him.

He was lying in his bunk on the Negotiator, pressed up against the wall, Cody's bulk lying beside him, their shoulders pressed together. It was nice, he thought absently. Warm. They were both clothed so clearly nothing inappropriate had occurred – not that he thought for a second that Cody would have tolerated any kind of advances on his part while he was so impaired. It wasn't the first time he'd woken up with Cody beside him. The clones were culturally extremely tactile, seeking and giving comfort through touch. There had been times when Cody, responsible and conscious of his rank and responsibilities, hadn't wanted his brothers to see his fears and uncertainties and sometimes, somewhere along the line, he'd come to Obi-Wan instead. And, sometimes, in spite of his words to the contrary, he was certain that Cody's true purpose was to offer comfort, not just receive it.

For the moment he lay still, wondering whether he could just keep his eyes closed and drift back to sleep. But then he heard Cody tapping at a datapad and immediately felt a rush of guilt. “I hope you haven't been working all night.”

“Not at all,” Cody replied, seemingly not even a little surprised that Obi-Wan was awake. No doubt he'd noticed a change in his breathing or something. “Matter of fact I only woke up myself a while ago. Figured I'd let you sleep as long as you could. How are you feeling?”

“Ah, not quite at my best, I admit.” He had opened his eyes now and Cody was looking down at him appraisingly.

At his answer he nodded and reached out to the side before offering Obi-Wan a glass of cloudy, fizzing liquid. “Got Rex to get this from Kix last night. Figured you might want it. And no, I didn't say it was for you, though Rex would have figured it out. He won't say anything though.”

Right, Rex had been there last night as well. He remembered. “Thank you, Cody,” he said, sitting up and taking his medicine obediently. It tasted foul but he knew that his head and stomach would thank him for it. “About last night...” he started awkwardly, when the liquid was gone and there was nothing else to immediately distract himself with.

“How much do you remember?”

He thought for a moment about feigning amnesia but immediately decided against it. Drinking to forget was one thing, drinking to the point of actually forgetting would make him a liability and be one more thing for Cody to worry about and he really didn't need any more of those. “All of it, I'm afraid.” He gave what he hoped was a disarming smile. “I distinctly remember saying a couple of things that Anakin will no doubt be seeking an explanation for. And while I'm slightly muddled as to just what point in the conversation you arrived, I rather expect I owe you some explanations as well.”

Cody was shaking his head before he'd even finished speaking. “You don't owe me anything, Obi-Wan. I'm here if you need to talk but you don't have to.”

The use of his first name was strangely calming. He liked to think that he and Cody were friends, but they were also both workaholics who took comfort in formality. “Well. Thank you. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go and freshen up a little. Please don't feel you need to stay. I really didn't intend for you to waste your leave babysitting me.”

He took long enough to feel a little more human and to lose the taste of rot from the back of his throat, but when he stepped back in, dressed in a fresh tunic and leggings, Cody was still there, sitting on the sofa in front of a pile of datapads, a couple of bowls of cereal and a platter of fresh fruit.

“I arranged for some breakfast,” he said calmly.

For a moment Obi-Wan stood, struggling to articulate just how much he didn't deserve Cody, but before he could find the words Cody gestured him over with a datapad. “The quartermaster finished the audit last night. There was a bit of a panic earlier, looked like we'd lost twenty crates of grenades, but it turned out they'd just been stored in the hobby room by mistake. Hopefully this isn't related to Elsewhere trying to take up juggling again.”

He smiled as he sat down. “Maybe once he can manage to keep five apples up for more than a couple of minutes...”

Cody gave him a look. “No. No grenade juggling. Not ever. That's where I'm drawing a line and I am perfectly willing to make it a fleet-wide order.”

Chuckling as he grabbed a pear and a datapad, he set himself to approving medical requisitions, shaking his head immediately. Unfortunately they were going to need more bacta than that if they were heading into the conflict on Ishetar.

Time passed by quickly, the two of them talking easily as they worked through the first stages of the resupply. Obi-Wan was surprised to realise that an hour had gone by and while they'd been working he'd eaten all his cereal and half of the fruit. Thinking back he wasn't even sure if he'd eaten anything yesterday. That wasn't good.

He sighed and put the datapad down, rubbing his eyes frustratedly, trying to push back the familiar feelings of guilt and shame. Trying to focus on what was important. “Did you have a chance to talk to anyone from the 321st?”

Cody laid down his datapad. “Yes, I met a few of them yesterday afternoon – before the rumours started flying that they were on permanent stand-down. Your investigation was successful, I take it.”

He winced, remembering Nataya's fear and misery. “For a given value of success, yes.”

There was silence for a moment. “He did it. He hurt his commander.” The shock was clear in Cody's voice.

Obi-Wan just nodded, not willing to say the words again. He noticed the tremor in his hands and carefully laid them flat against his thighs. “We're absorbing the 321st into the 3rd System Army. I thought we could rearrange them, the 108th and the 216th into two attack battalions. They're going to need support – counselling, perhaps. They may well have excellent reasons not to trust Jedi. We're going to need to make sure their commanders are fully briefed – and completely visible. They need to know someone is on their side.”

“We'll take care of them.” He paused a moment. “Commander Nataya...if she's able, I suspect they'll want to see her.”

That made sense. He should have thought of that himself. “I'm meeting with her in a few hours. I can certainly ask her.”

“You're meeting her again?” Cody paused for a moment, laying down his pad. “What's she like?”

“She's very bright. Very driven. Earnest. She wants to help everyone and she hasn't quite learned yet that she can't.” He smiled to himself. Even with everything that had happened to her Nataya had remained endearingly hopeful.

Cody was looking at him, his brow furrowed.

“What?”

“Do we need to start talking about how to fit a Jedi commander into the battalion?”

He took a sharp breath. “No. Definitely not.”

“You like her,” Cody pointed out. “And she's going to need a new Master, right?”

“Not necessarily,” he protested. “Master Krin is going to be assessed, both by the Council and the mindhealers. He might be able to finish her training.”

The look Cody gave him was both patient and shrewd. “But you don't want him to.”

“No. No, I don't,” he admitted. “He hurt her. And I find that even though I am supposed to believe in the possibility that anyone can redeem themselves I can't imagine anything he could do that could make me comfortable moving past that.” Qui-Gon had promised him more than once that things would change, that he would be more attentive. Both times he had struck him he had sworn it would never, ever happen again. He closed his eyes for a long moment. “But I will not see her taken away from one Master too broken and blinded by this war to take care of her only to give her to another with the same problem.”

There was a long moment of silence broken by Cody swearing vehemently. “You would never hurt a youngling.”

“Deliberately? I certainly hope not. But Cody, we both know that I struggle to take care of myself some days. I am certainly in no position to care for a padawan.” He glanced meaningfully down at the breakfast that Cody had brought him. “This is hardly the first time that the thoughtfulness of you or one of your brothers has been the only reason I've remembered to eat.”

Cody reached out a hand and grasped his wrist, squeezing lightly. “There's nothing wrong with needing a bit of help.”

“No,” he said, in spite of the shame inside. “But nor does it make one prime child-raising material.” He tried to smile. “I do try. But I'm afraid I often fail. I apologise for burdening you all.”

There was another long moment of silence. “If it helps, you're not the only one.”

He turned sharply to look at Cody.

“Not me,” Cody reassured, on catching his eye. “But some of my brothers...on Kamino calorie intake was very strictly controlled but it was still one of the easiest areas to get around. So eating or not eating became about control or defiance for some of us. And then once we left and we weren't so completely monitored, well, that brought a whole new series of problems. The point is, you're not a burden, we're just including you in the protocols we've figured out for ourselves. It's why even the shiniest trooper will shove a ration pack at you when you're going over something.” He nodded down to the datapads. “You eat better when you eat while you're working.”

He did. Taking time out to eat when there were so many things that had to be done made him feel guilty and anxious and that made it very difficult to choke food down. “I had no idea that was a problem among the troops. If any of them need anything - “

“ - the medics would come to you,” Cody told him. “You nearly always take the ration bars when they're offered which is why the medics haven't talked to you.”

There was a question implicit in Cody's words. He sighed and stroked his beard. “You are aware, I'm sure, that a Jedi can use the Force to go for long periods without water, food or sleep?” Cody nodded, a slight hint of disapproval on his face, so Obi-Wan continued. “Used properly it is a perfectly legitimate – and safe – practice.”

Cody was always quick on the uptake. “Are you saying you use it improperly?”

He sighed again. This was the first time he had ever actually told anyone this. The healers had taken care of telling the Council, with his permission of course, and while his friends - and Anakin - were aware he'd had some issues he had chosen not to burden them with the details. “When I use it consciously I am very careful to use it properly. The problem is all too often I use it without knowing.”

“I don't follow.”

“It's not a technique that we teach to the young,” he explained. “It can be extremely unhealthy for those still growing. But when I was much younger I was involved in a war for six months. There were no Jedi around, my fellow soldiers were my age or younger. Children. Supplies were often short and I found that I could go longer than the others without eating without suffering ill effects, so I frequently gave my share to the younger ones. After that it became something of a reflex, I'm afraid. I pushed feelings of hunger, thirst, exhaustion and pain aside with the Force so readily and so often that eventually my body would do it automatically before I even consciously registered the sensations.”

Cody stared at him. “You mean you don't feel hunger?”

“More than that.” He screwed his eyes shut for a second, pressing his thumb and forefinger into the bridge of his nose. “The first solo mission I had after I was knighted lasted three weeks. It was complex, constantly threatening to spill over into violence, although in the end the situation was resolved peacefully. I was pleased. And then on my return to the Temple I blacked out as soon as I had finished meeting with the Council. Apparently for those three weeks I just – hadn't eaten. The thought of food had never crossed my mind because I'd been unconsciously using the Force to influence my consciousness. Like the mind trick but on myself.” That was what the healers had eventually figured out. At the time all that had really mattered to him had been Anakin crying at his bedside, begging not to be left alone. “That was the first time anyone including myself was aware of the problem and while I have been working on it ever since I admit I find myself backsliding these days.”

“The Force can do that?” Cody's face was grim. “That's kind of terrifying.”

He shrugged. “Technically I'm doing it. But yes, I admit it is.” After all these years he was used to it, but that first realisation that his mind was betraying him in such a way – and using the Force to do it, no less – had been truly awful. He was ashamed to admit it but it had always been easier to cope when he was taking care of someone else. He had never failed to take care of Anakin, and in so doing had generally managed to take care of himself. It was when he was on his own that he struggled most. “Part of my regular meditation involves checking in on my physical state to help me remember basic self-care. It's a routine the healers helped me develop.”

Cody looked somewhat appeased at the mention of the healers. “That's good. But if you need help, if you find yourself..backsliding...or whatever, please let me know. I can help you.”

“I'll try,” he promised.

There was a moment while Cody nodded a few times, as though busy compartmentalising what he'd heard. “So you said this had been going on since you were a youngling? And your Master never noticed?”

He simply shook his head and shrugged. There had always been many other matters vying for Qui-Gon's attention.

Cody nodded as well and left well enough alone. “But you don't think Commander Nataya is going through the same thing?”

“Not as far as I can tell,” he said, wincing slightly at the thought. “And the healers know what to look for now. I believe Healer Orenes wrote a paper on me to enter into the Archives which is, I suppose, a kind of distinction.”

“Hardly the only one you've earned,” Cody said with a snort.

He gave a meaningless smile.

“Sir...Obi-Wan...this doesn't change anything about you, and it certainly doesn't mean you aren't fit to look after a padawan.”

“Maybe some time in the future,`” he allowed. “Maybe after the war. But not now, Cody. I was raised by a Master who could never put me first. I won't do that to anyone else.”

Cody reached out and took his hand, squeezing tightly before letting go. “Who knows? Maybe the war will end tomorrow.”

“Maybe it will.” He said the words but he didn't mean them. When he closed his eyes he could never see peace ahead of them. But Cody was here and they could make the best of this moment here and now. He wasn't alone; he had friends who were willing to help him. He wasn't going to let any of them down.

He took Cody's hand again. “Thank you.”

He and Cody managed to get some more work done in companionable silence before Anakin landed on the Negotiator, his Force presence a familiar tangle of anxiety, angst and determination. No overt anger at least, that was something. He wasn’t sure precisely what it was that Anakin wanted to talk about but at least he wasn’t in trouble with his padawan for betraying his master’s memory.

He gave Cody a small smile. “Anakin is on his way. I suspect you probably want to be somewhere else.”

“If that’s what you want, Obi-Wan,” Cody said, already moving to gather up his datapads.

“Yes, I think it would be best. I suspect this conversation is going to be fraught.”

Cody paused and looked at him. “If you need an out, comm me. I’m good at plausible excuses.”

“I’m sure you are. Thank you, Cody. For everything.”

“It’s what friends are for. Right?”

“Right.”

It was only moments after Cody had left that Anakin stood hesitating outside his door. With a wave of his hand he opened it, not wanting to draw this out any longer than he had to.

“Good morning, Master,” Anakin walked in holding a sealed heated flask and a box from the little tea shop he was fond of. “I brought breakfast.”

“Good morning, Anakin,” he said with a smile, his heart melting slightly at the thoughtfulness. Too often these days they seemed to only communicate by fighting – either with each other or against the world.

Anakin came over to sit next to him and gazed sheepishly at the left over plates from the meal he had shared with Cody. “Oh. I guess I’d expected to catch you earlier at the Temple. Sorry.”

“No matter. I’m happy you thought of me. And I admit I may have missed dinner yesterday, so perhaps a snack wouldn’t go amiss.”

With a sharp glance at him, Anakin stood abruptly and stalked over towards the teacups. It was the set he’d made Obi-Wan years ago, and for a long moment, to Obi-Wan’s bewilderment, he stood holding one of the cups, gazing down at the dark blue and gold swirl. “You stayed here last night.”

“Yes?”

“You asked Cody to take you home.”

He frowned, confused and a little concerned. “Anakin, if you’re thinking anything improper, I can assure you – “

“What? No!" Anakin pulled a dramatic face. "No, I wasn’t thinking anything improper, and don't worry, I made sure that the Council wasn’t thinking anything like that either.”

Oh, Force. At some point he was going to need to find out the details of that conversation. Preferably before Depa started teasing him about it. “Then I’m afraid I don’t quite see where you’re going with this.”

“We were on Coruscant. And you went home. And this,” he gestured wildly around the little cabin, the teacup still in his hand. “Is home.”

Ah. “These past few years I’ve spent rather longer here than in my rooms at the Temple,” he said carefully.

“I know,” Anakin said, walking back over to the sofa and laying two teacups down, towering over Obi-Wan and still somehow seeming like he was looking up to him. “I went to your rooms this morning. Obi-Wan, they’re still practically bare. I’m not even sure you’ve unpacked. If my code hadn’t let me in I wouldn’t have been sure I had the right room. I couldn’t even feel a hint of your Force presence.”

He sighed. “Oh, Anakin.”

“Sometimes I’m afraid that we’re going to lose you to this war,” he said in a rush, like he’d been holding onto the words for a long time. “You’re the best General there is, and I know we need you but I also know how much you hate it. Sometimes I think that you’re going to lose yourself in clever tactics and strategising and forget how to come home to me…us.”

“I’m honestly not sure what I can do about that,” he admitted. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“I’m not sure either. It’s just…I can’t remember the last time I spoke to you without the war coming up, or without knowing that at least half your attention was out there, or focused on paperwork or orders or something. I’m glad you went out last night, even if I’d rather if it was with me rather than with the Council,” His mouth twisted into an expression of distaste. “But even then I get the impression you were drinking ‘cause you were miserable rather than for fun.”

Ah. So now they were talking about last night. “Last night was an aberration. I’d had a somewhat difficult day.”

“I just want you to relax for once.” He opened the flask and poured out two cups of tea.“Please. If there’s anything I can do to help you…” He pressed the cup into Obi-Wan’s hands.

He took it and the scent of warm, heavy spices hit him immediately. One of his favourite blends. “I admit I’ve never been good at asking for help.”

“I know,” Anakin said, busying himself with his own cup, and adding a truly appalling amount of honey. “I used to think it was because you were too stuffy to admit when you needed it.” He didn’t say what he thought now. "I didn't know Qui-Gon. Not really, I know that. But he freed me from slavery and he talked to me like a person, and he believed in me maybe even more than Mom did. And he died a hero and later you told me stories....I thought he was everything a Jedi was supposed to be." He was breathing hard, staring down into his tea.

"He was a good man and an excellent Jedi," Obi-Wan said truthfully.

Tea spilled over the table. "But he wasn't, was he? Because if he was really a good man, if he was a good Master, then the thought of him raising me wouldn't make you feel like that."

"Anakin - "

" - he raised you!" Anakin shouted, his face red and blotchy. And then, quieter. "He hurt you, didn't he? You were a child in his care and he hurt you."

He didn't know what to say and he reached out to the Force, begging for comfort, for calm, for answers. Instantly, and to his surprise he felt Anakin's force presence answer, pushing up against him, wrapping around him like the warmth of twin suns.

"I'm sorry," Anakin said, quieter still. "I shouldn't have shouted. It's just...he hurt you. And I keep thinking of things I've said over the years...I hurt you. And I didn't mean to. And I'm sorry. And I won't ever mention him or any of this again if you don't want me to, I just wanted you to know I'm sorry."

Taking a long sip of tea, he considered, his mind whirling. The offer was tempting. But right now Anakin was thinking the worst and that wasn't fair to Qui-Gon's memory. "You have to understand," he said at last. "Qui-Gon was a good man and an excellent Jedi - "

" - Obi-Wan - "

He held up a hand. " - please let me speak, Anakin. He was both of those things. But he was not prepared to be a Master. When I first met him being saddled with a padawan was the very last thing he wanted."

"Were you assigned to him then?" Anakin asked, drawing his ridiculously long legs up onto the sofa. "Like me and Ahsoka?"

"No," he said, with a flat chuckle. "It would be truer to say that circumstances, and my own peculiar stubbornness, assigned us together. There was a rather hectic situation on Bandomeer after I had already been sent away from the Temple. In the end he was too good a man to turn me away again, even though I know he wanted to."

Anakin stared at him incredulously. “He still didn't want you? But you're you.” He gestured at Obi-Wan somewhat grandly, like he was some kind of prize. “No, that can't be right. Once he got to know you he must have wanted you really.”

Obi-Wan smiled gently. “We shared a natural Force bond almost immediately.” He tapped the side of his head meaningfully. “When I say he didn't want me that's not just my impression. It's how he felt. But he felt he was duty bound to train me and he tried to do his best by me.”

“But he hurt you,” Anakin said again as though nothing else mattered. “Even if he didn't want you he should never have made you feel like he didn't want you. That's just cruel. But...it can't just be that. I mean, that's bad enough, but that wasn't all you were feeling last night.”

He sighed and let his head drop forwards into his hands. “Do you remember,” he said, knowing his voice was muffled but letting his meaning carry forwards through their own Force bond. “When you became Ahsoka's Master you had to read and sign an agreement about how you would treat her.”

“Yes, of course. It was just basic stuff.”

“Yes. Well, there was nothing like that when Qui-Gon first took me on. The Council introduced it during the latter stages of my apprenticeship.”

He could practically hear Anakin's teeth grinding. “You mean the Council introduced it because of your apprenticeship. Don't you?”

“Mace had to fight half the Council to get it introduced. There was a lot of resistance from the old guard. Masters thought that having specific rules about the treatment of their students was insulting – that they didn't need to be told to make sure their padawans were fed and cared for and their injuries treated. That was just obvious.” He lifted his head and smiled but still didn't turn to look at Anakin. “Qui-Gon never was a fan of what's obvious.”

He felt Anakin's rage burning white hot in the Force.

“Calm yourself,” he said, broadcasting reassurance and serenity. “It was all a long time ago and it was never as basd as all that. You know I'm fine.”

“How could he do that?” Anakin demanded in a low voice. “If I had the chance I'd - “

“ - he's dead, Anakin. And I have put it all behind me for the most part. But yes, what I said last night was the truth. I would never have let him be entrusted with another child's well-being.”

“How could you even have prevented it?”

He rubbed at his beard and spoke reluctantly. “There were situations that arose during our time together that had I raised them with the Council even long after the fact would have been enough to put a stop to that. And no, Anakin, I have no intention of discussing them further. Qui-Gon was a good man who made many mistakes in his life. Let that be enough.”

Anakin was staring at him, brow furrowed. “You didn't deserve that. You didn't deserve any of that.”

He took a deep breath. “No. No, I didn't.” The words were sincere. These days most of the time he even believed them.

“May I hug you, Master?”

Without saying anything he simply opened his arms and let Anakin rush towards him. The hug lasted a long time. Longer than any time he could remember Anakin hugging him since he was a teenager. And right alongside it was Anakin's Force presence, wrapped around him protectively, lovingly. It brought a lump to his throat, and even after Anakin finally pulled away he didn't trust himself to speak for several minutes.

“There was something else I wanted to say about last night,” Anakin said eventually. “Not about Qui-Gon. Or...sort of about Qui-Gon? More about you and me.”

He nodded and waited patiently.

“I've never been good with words. Not like you are. It's not just that I say the wrong thing, sometimes it's obvious to me what I mean and I don't get that people are reacting to what I say, not what my intentions were.” He took a deep breath and pulled his hand through his hair roughly. “Last night I said that Qui-Gon should have been my Master – and I know I've said that before – to you – but the way everyone reacted, I don't think – I mean, I saw the way Master Windu was looking at me...” He looked at Obi-Wan helplessly. “I realise now that what I was saying could sound like I meant that I wanted Qui-Gon instead of you – maybe even that I wanted you to die in his place!”

He actually chuckled slightly. He had been getting worried. “Anakin, I promise even at my lowest I've never truly considered that you might secretly want me dead.”

“Well, good,” Anakin said, but he didn't look completely reassured. “But it's not just that. It's...you shouldn't have been my Master. You know that right?”

It had been a long couple of days and his emotions were still raw – he couldn't completely suppress the flinch.

“No! Not like that,” Anakin blurted out, shaking his head frantically. “I'm saying it wrong again, just let me...” He stood up and paced around as much as the cramped quarters allowed. Obi-Wan watched him and waited, still confused, still hurting but hopeful. Finally Anakin turned back towards him. “I heard a rumour that Knight Muln is considering taking on a padawan.”

That was news to him, though he hadn't had a chance to so much as talk to Garen in months. “Well, it's about time,” he said, blinking at the abrupt change in subject. “He's been knighted well over a decade now.”

“Actually, that's well within the average time for a knight to take their first padawan,” Anakin said. “I looked it up. Only about ten percent of knights take on a padawan within the first few years of them being knighted, and that's mostly exceptional circumstances, like with Vos and Aayla.”

He supposed he'd known that on some level. But he'd been waiting a long time to have a chance to repay Garen for his 'kind' help in raising Anakin. Let's see how he liked trying to persuade a sugared up, overexcited youngling that it was bedtime.

“And there's only one Jedi in all the Order's recorded history who took on a padawan the same day they were knighted,” Anakin added meaningfully.

He winced. “I was young and ill-prepared. I know I was arrogant to think I was ready to be a master, and if that - “

“ - don't you dare apologise!” Anakin exclaimed, rushing forwards and crouching down in front of him, grabbing his hand. “It wasn't arrogance at all. I needed you, and you stepped up, because that's what you always do. It's who you are. But you were young, and you should have had a chance to be your own man, to figure out who you were and who you wanted to be, and it's my fault you didn't get that.”

“Anakin.” He covered Anakin's hand with his own and gave a gentle squeeze. “I wanted to be your master. It was an honour and my pleasure. I've always known who I wanted to be; a Jedi knight. Qui-Gon's padawan. Your master. And even if that wasn't the case it would never have been your fault. And I'm so sorry if anything I ever did or said made you feel otherwise.”

“Not anything you said,” Anakin muttered, turning his face away.

Something else occurred to him. “Anakin, you're younger now than I was then, and you have a padawan. Are you feeling overwhelmed?” He'd thought Anakin and Ahsoka were doing well now, but maybe he had missed something.

“No – well, yes, but I wouldn't ever want to lose her. Snips is great and I wouldn't give her up for anything, but I definitely wasn't ready for a padawan and I wouldn't have gone looking for one if the Council didn't assign her to me. And we both know that was because they were worried you were my only real connection in the Order. They wanted to make sure I didn't go completely off the rails if our bickering ever got too much.”

Or if Obi-Wan died, but neither of them had to mention that. He smiled. “Personally I think it was more about Yoda's persistent belief that all problems in this lineage can be solved with more grandpadawans for him.”

Anakin looked at him, brow furrowed. “You and Qui-Gon?”

He nodded. “I believe Yoda had been trying to persuade Qui-Gon to take another padawan for years. I was simply the one that stuck. And by my understanding he was trying to persuade Dooku to take on a student right up until he left the Order.”

“Well I'm glad that didn't happen,” Anakin said, pulling a face. “Ventress is bad enough.” He sat back down. “Anyway, we've gotten away from the point. I just wanted to explain – yes, when I was a kid I did used to imagine that Qui-Gon was my Master instead of you, but that wasn't ever because I didn't want you. Or, well, sometimes it would be because I was a stupid kid and I'd tell myself that Qui-Gon would let me stay up all night to watch the Grand Rally, or that Qui-Gon wouldn't make me do the extra credit assignment for Etiquette, and that Qui-Gon would take me on all his missions...”

Obi-Wan couldn't help but give a soft huff. “Oh, he would have, believe me. It's up to the Master to decide what the Padawan is ready for and Qui-Gon was a great believer in learning from experience.” And in not being held back by any burden such as his padawan. “I believe I still hold the record for the most time spent in the healing halls for any junior padawan.”

“Oh.” Anakin licked his lips. “Well. Back then I imagined that Qui-Gon would be the perfect Master. And while you were on missions I would daydream that he would be there, teaching me all the basics, and then you'd come home and it would be different because you wouldn't be in charge. We'd be more like equals, and we'd have fun together all the time, like when you took me for icecream, or when you helped me reprogram the mouse droids to follow Vos around, and you'd tell me stories and,” he paused, grimacing. “And you wouldn't have been so sad and stern all the time. You would have been my brother.”

“I am your brother,” he said softly.

“I know.” Anakin leaned against his shoulder. “But you're the brother who raised me, and sometimes...often, I just...well. You know what I'm like with authority figures. Sometimes you just get mixed up in all that and I resent you even though you're you.”

He was aware of Anakin's resentment, but he hadn't realised that it was something Anakin was actually struggling with. He'd thought – well. He'd thought it was understandable. “Anakin,” he began. “I'm saying this as your brother who cares about you, not your Master or a Councilmember. Maybe you should think about going and talking to one of the mindhealers about this. I will always listen to you but I don't know how much help I can be.”

The tension beside him was papable and for a moment he was certain that Anakin was going to lose his temper and stalk off the way he had many times before. But instead he pursed his lips and nodded a couple of times. “Alright. Maybe I will. If you do too – and actually talk to them, about Qui-Gon and what he did to you, and about the war and everything.”

“I believe therapy is generally considered ineffective if one has to be coerced into it,” he pointed out, and as Anakin's face darkened, he smiled. “No, I had been thinking I should go back myself. Though to be perfectly honest I have no idea where I'm going to find the time.”

“I'll try if you will,” Anakin said, vaguely threateningly. “No, really, Obi-Wan, are you okay? Are we okay?”

He took a deep breath. “I do believe we're going to be.”

“Master Kenobi!” Nataya's delight on seeing him was evident, both in the Force and on her face as she waved at him across the garden. “You came!”

“I told you I would see you today,” he said as he gave her a bow, letting his own fond affection shine through.

“Yes, but I thought you might be shipped out, or might be caught up in other things,” she explained, slightly bashful. “I know how busy you are.”

“I still have a couple of days in the Temple,” he told her. “And even once I've left, if you wish to talk to me please feel free to comm me. I won't always be available, but I'll always try to get back to you when I can. I promise.”

“Thank you. For everything I mean.” She hesitated for a moment, chewing on her lip before pulling her hand out from behind her back to reveal the woodcarving she had been working on yesterday. “Here. I wanted you to have this. Only if you want it, I mean.”

It was an incredibly detailed carving of a hawk in flight and he felt his breath catch as he took it in his hands. The Force sang through it, capturing feelings of loss and longing, but above all of hope. “It's beautiful,” he said fervently. “Thank you, Nataya. I will treasure this. You have a rare gift.”

She blushed and looked aside. “It's nothing. Just a hobby.” Her stomach rumbled loudly.

He chuckled. “Why don't we go and have some lunch, padawan? You can introduce me to your friends.”

“Of course, Master,” she said, her eyes sparkling.

He felt lighter than he had in a long time. And when the Negotiator left orbit the little wooden hawk took pride of place in his quarters right alongside Anakin's tea set.

#star wars fanfiction #tcw fanfiction #star wars: the clone wars #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #tw disordered eating #jedi

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