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spaceorphan18 · 2 months

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I think I'm losing my mind. I was on reddit and I uninstall that yesterday cause of glee subreddit(if you don't know what is glee subreddit, there is a social media app called reddit where people of common interest or region can get together and discuss on topics posted) . So the glee reddit is kinda annoying. As far as what I've observed , that reddit has more of brittana fans and they kept bashing klaine.

The funny thing is that they hate klaine for the same reason they love brittana. Well hate and love is one's feeling. But I don't know if this particular incident triggered me. Someone was as usual bashing on klaine in a klaine Christmas celebration post. Not a hate post. So I got into a heated argument. Then there was a DM that a person accused me of lifting lines from other peoples fic to mine. And they blocked.

The thing is this fandom is not so young. Meaning you would have fics on almost all genres with similar kinda writing. I am just pissed that person accused me without any proof. Not just that.

There is this another person, who is on tumblr too. They say that they love Kurt but they said what Kurt did to get back to klaine relationship was cringey. I asked what made him cringey cause he didn't do much to get into relationship. It was all sue. And they just typed "stfu" get as spontaneously as they can.

Now what broke the camels back was I put a misinterpreted statement on another post. And I didn't know one of Rachel's dad in s3 was black but not as black as what they showed in the s1. Someone explained that the actor Brian stokes was mixed ,has black ethnicity and had lighter colour than the dude shown in s1. I agreed and I said that was my point and oh my god,the downvotes.

I just said call me racist if you want,I don't care and there is this person who called me stfu came up,called me annoying and I need help. I just cited that they have less temper and I don't need a psychology lesson from them and the person just bitched and said to seek professional help.

I don't know why I am ranting to you. I'm so sorry. I just want someone to talk me through this. This keeps pissing me off.

Hey dear! No, it's fine - sometimes it's just easier to write it all out and just let yourself feel all the things. And it's totally fine.

I'm sorry for all the crap you've been going through! It's rough when fandom does not feel like the fun place you want it to be.

I am aware of reddit and have never really been a fan. I've heard the Glee fandom on there is pretty terrible in general, so I've always avoided it. It's hard, sometimes, when there doesn't feel like a lot of places to go -- especially when the fandom has very much faded and dwindled. But my best advice is to always step away from the places that make you angry.

(It can be hard, I know! When I first joined tumblr, I think I followed people I didn't really like mostly because I felt like I /needed/ to hear their wrong take. It took me a while to figure out that it was better mentally to not engage at all.)

There are also a lot of people who would rather revel in their hate of a thing than rejoice in their enjoyment. There have been psychological studies about how anger brings people together more than love. (Interestingly, I remember a long time ago there used to be a forum for Chris fans and the biggest, most trafficked thread was about hating Darren.)

I think the other unfortunate thing so often in fandoms is that people only really want to hear what they want to hear and be validated that their opinion is the /right/ one instead of listening to what other people have to say and respecting that some people don't respond to the same things you do. It's unfortunate that things become black and white and lines need to be drawn, but alas, the internet (and humans) have always been tribal like this.

Meanwhile, the best thing I can say is just enjoy the thing you like. These people are just going to be assholes whether you engage with them or not, so why give them a platform? Your mental health is worth more than their time - so give yourself a break.

You're welcome to come chat with me any time. :)

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pinkydude · 1 year

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👋 Coming back

I talked about personal stuff a bit on my Twitter last year, but since I came back to Tumblr I feel like I should share it here too 🤏 especially since this is where it all happened and all

I'm not the type of guy to make long post (not anymore at least) but I've been thinking about it for the past days and I think that I won't be able to truly move on and enjoy my time back on Tumblr until I adress it here as well

There's A LOT of new faces around, assuming the majority of the active peeps don't know me 😳👋 (not complaining ghfhgf) so this will be a weird read, maybe? This isn't at all a "callout post", I won't name anyone or any situations in details, just -vague gesture- awknowledge things here and there, this is mainly about my experience (small TW for mention of su*cide)

I came back to Tumblr earlier this year after being away from public fandom spaces for ~a year (more or less) and I noticed that there was still "drama" (both light dramas and more serious harassment, using "drama" as a general term here) happening- and at first I didn't want to interact with any of it because it was hitting too close to home

I've been publicly harassed since mid 2021- and I know it's still happening, old dramas being digged up publicly sometimes- but the harassment back then wasn't anonym tho

Lowest point for me is when this fandom almost costed me my life, didn't know what to do, and ending up acting stupid in the middle of a panic attack- wouldn't be there if not for my close friends. That's when I realized that I needed to take a step back, to reconnect with what truly matter and to stop getting involved in things that were dragging my mental health down. Since then, I've been fully enjoying my and other's content again 😌

So when I came back and saw that the same people were still harassing (actively or passively) others? I wanted to say something, but I didn't really (left some comments, tags, sent some supportive DMs...)

Using this post to finally say- ayo, I've been there and the best advice I can say is, take a break 🤏 Take a break from the fandom when it becomes too overwhelming for X or Y reason. Small break, big break- whatever will work for you, but disconnect! Even if you think you're ok, it all pills up subconsciously (feeling burnout over Art, VP, Mods, starting to compare yourself to others, getting parano... those are all signs that you might want to back off a bit and spent time doing something else, ressource yourself!)

Also want to use this post to thanks all the people that were checking on me during that time away and to those who were still supporting my creations, it really gave me the strength to continue 🧡

Thanks also to everyone who came to "clear the air" since I came back! I know a big wave of new comers joined right as some drama was happening- and I get wanting to protect yourselves and blocking the persons mentionned in callouts! There is nothing wrong with protecting your space (don't let anyone tell you otherwise)

I met and connected with new people (something I thought would never happen again after everything) some of them I can now call good friends, and I'll forever be grateful for people who think for themselves and have their own opinions

Nothing happened, this post isn't a reply to anything/anyone or an attack or an attempt at "stirring shit up", I just needed to get it out, I guess? Needed to really close that door, and finally move on to enjoy Tumblr again. This is where I started and I still really like that place and how the fandom feels here 🤙 soyeh that's all HGFH thanks for reading

#uhhh personal rambling and shtuff #mention of fandom stuff just a heads up #personal #long post #first and last time I'll talk about it publicly ghfhghfhgf

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littlemisshesitant · 10 months

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about me

hello, my name is gillian.

a few months ago i set up an instagram account dedicated to sharing my journey with anxiety with the world. the beginning of 2023 has been a difficult one on my mental health and when i set up this instagram account, i had no idea whether it would be a positive thing for me or not, but i have enjoyed engaging with a wider community of people who have been or are going through something similar. not only has it helped me find new strategies to cope with my anxiety, it has also helped me feel less alone. and i guess that's one reason i wanted to set up the account...to prove to people that they are not alone and a lot more people face anxiety than perhaps what they realised. so, then i thought, why not set up a tumblr blog too!

i wanted my first post to be an introduction to me. and by me, i don't just mean my anxiety, but to the actual person i am...the things i like, don't like, my ambitions in life, etc. anxiety is a very big part of my life and despite how difficult it is for me to do so, i am trying to embrace it whilst not letting it define me. so, i'll get the bit about my anxiety out the way first, and then i will talk about gillian.

anxiety

my journey with anxiety probably began much earlier than what i even realised. from a young age, i have always been timid and have always preferred to keep myself to myself and my small circle of friends. i have always been approachable to others and for the most part well liked, but i had no desire to be popular or have a large friendship group. large groups of people overwhelm me and the kinds of kids who were part of the popular crowd were too loud and intimidating.

my anxiety as i know it now probably came to light in my mid-teens. between the years 2012 and 2014, i faced a lot of hardships both personally and within the family (think bereavements, parent mental health, financial difficulties, exam stresses etc), making them a difficult few years for myself and my family. things did begin to get better for us moving into 2015/2016, but i was very emotionally and mentally drained. my anxiety began manifesting socially at first, making it difficult for me to make plans with friends outside of school. it didn't help that one of my friends at the time would then use my social anxiety as a reason to not invite me out places which affected my self-esteem massively.

over a period of a few months during my a-levels, i felt so unlike myself and found things to be overwhelming most of the time. there were many days where all i wanted to do was cry but for the most part kept it under bay because i felt like i was just being stupid. but then one day i ended up crying over smudging my mascara and confessed to my mam that i felt miserable most of the time and couldn't shake the feeling. with her encouragement, i went to speak with my gp, which is when anxiety was first used to describe what i was going through. it was an emotional appointment but it did help with offering me some relief.

as i mentioned at the beginning, my name is gillian. old fashioned, i know, but i'm named after my dad's late older sister so i think that makes it quite special. i am currently in my mid-twenties, and i'm very thankful to say i work in my dream job as an english teacher. to ge the job i have, i spent a total of 5 years at university - a 3 year bachelors degree, a 1 year teacher training course, and a 1 year masters degree. teaching has been a dream of mine since being very young and i've worked really hard to get to where i am. i'm not talking just physically but also mentally too. i quite often ask myself how i managed to become a teacher but i am trying to train myself out of thinking that...i wouldn't have gotten here if i wasn't good enough!

away from teaching, i'm one of them weird people who will tell you i am massively introverted but will regularly be seen out and about socialising. don't be fooled by this, all of my socialising is done with the same handful of people. i am very comfortable with the friends i have in my life and prefer not to have a massive friendship group and the friends i have are either slightly more extroverted than me or at a similar level of introversion as me. i need them all for different reasons i suppose...eg i have one particularly extroverted friend who has massively helped my confidence in social situations but i have one particularly introverted friend i am probably more extroverted than who is helping me to build confidence in my ability to guide and support others if that makes sense.

a large part of my socialising is actually done with my family, who i am very close to. my family consists of my parents, my two brothers (one older, one younger) and, of course, my two cats - mr. miyagi and nala, who are my two pride and joys. we do things like friday night tv show binge and saturday night film night but have a lot of other family traditions that mean a lot to all of us, perhaps more so now that my brothers and i are all adults (currently we are aged 30, 25, and 23). my mam and i are particularly close, i think on the basis that i am her only daughter, but because we genuinely get on too. she is somebody who understands me better than anyone and i am so thankful to her because she has helped me through so much, and continues to do so day-in-day-out.

i'm sure as this blog continues, you will find out more and more about me, but i'll leave it with this for now. i want this blog to be a safe space for anyone who visits. feel free to ask me questions, respond to my posts, and reach out if you need. sending love!

#about me #mental health #mental health awareness #mental health support #anxiety #anxiety awareness #anxiety support #emotional health #emotional health awareness #emotional health support

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slayemal-na-nerate · 2 years

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//Okay, so, obviously it has been... a while, and I'm very sorry for how long I've been away, and how I haven't said anything before now. Posting this on my blog that's been on hiatus the longest, because once I'm back, my hiatus will be completely ended across all accounts.

To summarize my latest disappearance, here's a list of everything that has happened in my life these past few months that has added to my lack of activity here.

Horrid mental health, including my depression being close to, if not, the worst it's ever been

Related to above note, trying to start a time-intensive magnet treatment, since antidepressants don't seem to work, only to have my insurance deny coverage for it for a bunch of nitpicky reasons, leaving me currently waiting to hear back on an appeal the clinic is trying to put through

Two traffic tickets, one of which I'm still waiting to fight in court

My car making horrifying sounds on the way to work one day, leading me to discover that my extended warranty wasn't set up properly and leaving me without reliable transportation for long stretches of time due to miscommunication between the warranty's insurance company and my mechanic while I was waiting for it to be fixed

Work schedule becoming a lot less consistent, with my shifts ranging from everything between opening to closing to miss, making my sleep patterns practically nonexistent

Multiple sicknesses and injuries, including my mom getting covid (she's better now, and I fortunately never caught it) and me currently being out of work due to my knees

Pain and stress from said knees leading me to forget to call in for jury duty the night before my group was asked to be at court the next morning, which, in turn, caused my mental health to spiral for a while, even after successfully attending the two days I was called in for after getting rescheduled the next week

Attempts to finish a backlog of chores consistently slowed down by physical and mental limitations

So, as you can see, my life's been fairly hectic recently. I'm not trying to excuse my absence or lack of communication, but I do think that all of my wonderful writing partners deserve some sort of explanation for where I've been. I never meant to be away this long, and I hope it won't be much longer before I return, but I don't want to potentially give any false hope to anyone, considering I've thought on multiple occasions that I would only be away for one more week.

When I do start writing again, I will be saving all the replies I owe as drafts and waiting until they're finished to post them all at once. Hopefully, this will prevent me from becoming overwhelmed by any responses I might've otherwise gotten in between posts. If you notice that I have not replied to you when those mass posts go out, please let me know, because I have unfortunately noticed that Tumblr has eaten up some or all of my notes on several accounts. Also, don't feel pressured to respond to anything if you no longer wish to write with me. I will do my best to ensure nothing like this ever happens again, but I completely understand if my lack of communication prior to this has shaken any trust some of you may have had in my reliability.

Once again, I am incredibly sorry for this situation and how I've handled it, but I hope to get back to writing with all of you again very soon.

#ooc

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waheelawhisperer · 2 years

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I was gonna try to clear out a few asks today and maybe respond to some reblogs, but then I saw this post on my dash and started getting emotional because it really helped put something I've been thinking about for a while into words, even though I am neither this post's subject nor its target audience, so instead I decided to just shitpost a bit and then get my feelings out. I didn't feel comfortable reblogging the post even though I think a good bit of it is also applicable to me because I didn't want to turn this into an example of a straight white man making everything about him somehow and taking focus away from marginalized groups, but I did want to express my thoughts and feelings because they exist and matter to me.

I'm a bit less put together than I usually am when I post, so forgive me if I start to ramble or use terminology incorrectly or misinterpret aspects of LGBTQ or BDSM culture.

Ironically, despite my most recent Arknights shitpost, I'm... actually absolutely freaking terrified to express any serious desire to be sexually dominant - and I do have those desires (don't get me wrong, a strong, confident woman taking control is really hot, all you have to do is read my various shitposts to know I'm happy to sub, but the fact that I even feel like I have to qualify my desire to be dominant with "I also enjoy subbing" is the perfect illustration of my point). Men being submissive is treated as funny, like the setup to a joke about subverting typical sexual/gender roles. Men being dominant, despite what tumblr "punish me, daddy" thirstposting may lead you to believe, is often treated as threatening. Predatory.

This is especially true in the case of men who are attracted to women, at least from what I've seen. I'm very scared to approach women I'm interested in, because women in turn are scared of strange men. It's a justifiable attitude. There are more than enough shitty men out there that it makes sense for women to adopt that coldness, that wariness, as a defense mechanism. Given how much of the tumblr userbase, especially the userbase that participates in the same fandoms I do and thus might realistically be considered my audience, is female, I imagine that many of the people reading this post have had negative interactions with men who don't respect their boundaries or even treat them as human beings, and I am by no means trying to downplay that very real and reasonable fear. I'm just trying to explain how these circumstances and attitudes have shaped my own interactions with women.

The result of this need to watch out for danger is that unless you are a stunningly attractive man, women are on guard when they talk to you. I'm not a stunningly attractive man. Oh, I'm decent-looking, don't get me wrong (admittedly, my status as a proud short king is apparently a dealbreaker for many women, but there's not much I can do about that) - I'm in good shape, I bathe regularly and take adequate care of my skin and hair/facial hair, I wear clothes that fit me and aren't horribly unfashionable, I've been told I have pretty eyes and a nice voice, etc. - but I'm not the kind of heartthrob that can walk into a room and command the attention of every woman in it. I'm not a complete mess socially, but I'm not overly charismatic either, and I'm shy and awkward around people I don't know. As a result, when I approach a woman, she ain't thinking "wow, he's talking to me <3", she's thinking "who's this freaking weirdo, I hope he goes away before I have to pepper spray him".

Because of all this, I try to be nonthreatening. I try to be harmless, and that means repressing anything that might frighten the people around me, whether that be anger, personal conviction, or the desire to (consensually) pin a girl down and rail her. I'm terrified of scaring away potential partners just by having normal human desires and emotions, and it takes a mental toll.

I grew up (and still live) in Texas, which is not exactly a wellspring of progressive attitudes towards anything, much less women and relationships and sex and sexuality. I've been taught since I was very young that men, like me, should protect and alternately defer to or "care for" women (in a very patronizing and controlling sense), and in return, our reward was sex. While my immediate family was never this backwards, I can't say the same about the world around me at large, and the media I consumed (and still consume, because we've made progress but by no means conquered the issue) absolutely bombarded me with the idea that sex was not a thing women enjoyed. Sex was an activity they engaged in reluctantly, if at all, something they gave to men in exchange for whatever nebulously-defined benefits those men brought to the table, which were usually few, enumerated in derisive fashion, and far outweighed by the inherent flaws men possess for the crime of existing. I was taught that sex was a thing men enjoyed and women endured. I was taught that sex was transactional at best, a thing to be earned for good behavior because a woman would never want it for its own sake outside of procreation, and outright undesirable for half the participants at worst, forced upon women by brutish, animalistic men who could never be anything better than lust-ridden beasts.

This is without even mentioning the incredibly heavy, pervasive cultural influence of Christianity in America, and Texas in particular. I'm sure we're all well aware of how Christianity treats sex and sexuality and sexual expression, so I'm not going to go too deep into that, but rest assured the framing of sexual desire as inherently evil and sinful did plenty of damage to my psyche.

No matter how much I know that those views aren't true, that they're doing everyone a disservice, no matter how hard I fight against attitudes that have been ingrained in me since before I even knew what sex was by every bit of stupid bullshit "I hate my spouse" boomer humor I've ever encountered, they still impact my own ability to express my own wants and needs. They still make me feel like I am wrong or bad or evil for wanting to have sex with women, and especially for wanting to be an active participant or engage in sex acts where the focus is my pleasure, like having a girl go down on me.

I think that's one of the reasons I find pleasure in submission: if I'm not the one in control, I can't hurt anyone. I can't be a threat. I can't force anyone to do anything if I'm the one taking orders. If my partner is in control, if she's the one calling the shots in the bedroom, then I'm as sure as I can be that she actually wants to be here, that this isn't just a chore she wants to get over with as quickly as possible to keep me satisfied so she can go do something that actually matters to her.

There are a lot of men like me. I know a lot of them personally. While I hesitate to call myself a good person, I can say with confidence that I would never willingly hurt my partner, that I would never knowingly force her into something she didn't want to do or violate her boundaries, and there are plenty of good, considerate men who would be horrified at the thought of doing something to a girl that that girl didn't want. So we live with the fear that we're monsters, that we're rapists waiting to happen, that even showing interest in a woman means we're unsafe and have done something wrong. We end up starved of physical and emotional intimacy, and it's a very sad and lonely experience.

I think I saw a post a while back, probably before I even started this blog, about a trans man talking about how very different socialization and social intimacy was as a man, and that post also did a great job of putting how I felt into words, but I can't find it right now. Regardless, it made the point that we're lonely. Isolated. We're not encouraged to be vulnerable. Writing this post has been very difficult for me because I was taught to never show weakness, that vulnerability made me a target, made me less, rather than a person in need of and deserving of support. We're not encouraged to develop emotional intimacy with other men outside of very specific situations (competition against opposing forces). Women look at us as threats (because to do otherwise without very good reason to trust runs the risk of actively putting them in danger). We are... so very alone.

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mediocrityprinciple · 1 month

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03/31/2024

CW // implied suicide, transphobia/homophobia, pet death mention

Today is a hard day for me.

As a queer, trans person, TDOV should be a day of celebration. However, every TDOV is a stark reminder of one of the worst experiences in my life - one that continues to affect me to this day.

Add to that my fundamentalist christian upbringing and the religious trauma that accompanies it - well. Today is /particularly/ hard.

On March 31st, 2015, I was 18 years old and finally (or so I thought) coming to terms with my identity as an agender/nonbinary/genderqueer sapphic person. I posted on my (since deleted) tumblr with a couple selfies to celebrate TDOV, something I NEVER did on tumblr - and a mistake I will likely never repeat. My anxiety about sharing photos of myself online on particular accounts has never really gone away but it's something that I've grown more comfortable with over the years. Two days after posting, I was met with horrible vitrol from the person that was my best friend, the person I was head over heels in love with (without realizing it) and the person who I admired and respected and cared about more than anything. (Honestly, looking back, I think it was more of an unhealthy romanticization/obsession than anything but that is something I am still coming to terms with - it was a classic sapphic high school experience tbh.) At some point she had found my tumblr account and been keeping tabs on it - apparently this was her breaking point. [Note: I would share screenshots but I deleted them years ago after reading and re-reading the things that were said to me and frankly I have no desire to try to dig them up from my old files]

This broke me. Her hatred towards me broke me.

The only reason I survived those first couple days was for my pet rabbit (who passed less than a week later and whose death I still blame on myself.)

It's been nearly nine years since that day and I have learned and grown and matured as a person - including getting away from some of the incredibly unhealthy delusions I had at the time (I was DEEPLY involved in otherkin + OSDD/DID tumblr and was dissociating heavily at this period of my life. I want to be clear, I was not "faking" I was severely mentally ill and frankly, the messages from my "best friend" helped me re-examine some of my delusions and eventually heal from them).

Regardless of the passage of time, there is still a Wound surrounding TDOV that I cannot separate from the day. What should be a day of joy and celebration always reminds me of what I lost and the nightmares that plagued me for years (and on occasion still do).

Ironically, She reached out to me back in 2018 and we had reconciled for a time. But as of today it's been three years since she's responded to my messages. The last time I texted her was to wish her happy birthday (a date that also falls this week).

In 2018 I thought I had healed from the experience. I had accepted what had happened and when she contacted me to apologize I welcomed the chance to be friends again. I don't regret this, but I do feel like a fool for reopening that wound. I opened myself up to the hope of rekindling our friendship only to be hurt all over again (albeit in a different way.) She does not owe me friendship, but neither do I owe her forgiveness.

The nightmares have started again and this week and this day is a reminder of the trauma that I experienced losing a friend, losing a pet, and losing my identity (for a time.)

I look forward to the day that I can celebrate Trans Day of Visibility with pride. I look forward to the day that it doesn't remind me of her. I look forward to the day that I can - once again - accept what happened is part of the reason I am who I am and acknowledge that forgiveness is a virtue. I took a chance and it backfired. I was hurt all over again. And the worst part? If she texted me right now? I would probably respond. Because I still care about her in some way and I still have hope that we could be friends.

But she won't. And I won't. Because while forgiveness is a virtue, I am not willing to let her hurt me again. I'm done.

Maybe in another 9 years I can be proud to celebrate this day untainted by bad memories. But until then, I am happy to see trans joy on my timeline. Trans people exist. We exist in many forms with many experiences from many walks of life. We are here to stay no matter what the world throws at us. I'm so glad to still be here. And even though today is hard for me now, it won't always be.

Happy Trans Day of Visibility. Keep spreading your joy, one day I will join you. <3

#st. rambles #tdov 2024

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ilaiyayaya · 2 months

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Don't mind me just compiling a bunch of unfinished vent drafts into a finalized product ready for purchase~

It's crazy how for the first half, even maybe like 2/3rds of 2023 I felt amazing overall, the novelty of being out of horrible, multiple years-long situation and into a, realistically just kinda average situation, felt so great that it completely carried me emotionally for nearly a year. But ever since around August/September I've kinda slowly been receding back into that same depressive state I was before, my life has stagnated once again, I've traded one set of issues for a completely different, less familiar set, and I don't have any real clear solution for any of those problems that are within reach. Don't get me wrong I'm at the very least not trying to drown myself once per week yet, but I don't think that should really be the baseline of an acceptable quality of life.

I have a job I've very quickly come to hate that's also kind of consumed my life up until very recently, where I've had enough time off to realize that I've made virtually no progress in the last year outside of merely having a job. I've lost a sizable number of friends, in part due to my coming out as trans, and partly due to just a longterm buildup of disillusionment with those around me that just finally reached a breaking point, and some of the few still left in my life I don't particularly want to keep in my life much longer either, and after going several years socially isolating myself, I don't remember how to make new friends, even though I have several avenues to very easily do so if I actually put forth the effort. I likely won't be able to make any progress transitioning for quite a long time, despite deciding now would be the best time to come out for some reason, I still live with my father, and while I've spent months searching for a place to move out to, the renting market is abysmal and most of my prior options for roommates are either no longer an option, or I'm not particularly comfortable living with them now, and despite having a job that provides pretty good insurance, I am still undiagnosed for a million different potential mental illnesses that I should really probably be medicated for because I'm both too stupid and too lazy to figure out how to switch off my parents' insurance onto my job's, and I'm too afraid of hospitals after going probably close to 10 years without going to any doctor, outside of 1 visit to the optometrist 2 years ago after my old glasses finally broke. And I don't even really have much of a reason to change insurance plans right now when with each passing week I'm more heavily considering just quitting my current job, even though I realistically don't have any better options in my area.

So yea anyways life blows I miss my old terrorist friends (dear Tumblr mods; they were not real terrorists, they were merely g*y people on the internet, please do not nuke me thank you). In good news tho someone posted a map of informed consent clinics throughout the US so now I know there's one like 2 hours away from me, and while I'm still probably too afraid to actually go inside one, and also doubt I'd be able to literally just walk in and say "1 girl medicine plz :3" with any success at all, still good to know. I am so on the verge of wasting all of my savings on HRT without the assistance of insurance all for the bit >:). Also started doing 3D modelling again so like that's fun, didn't do that for a long time but now I have both the time and motivation and now I'm gonna make 5 million Veemon models and nothing else I hope Blender Guru dies fuck that guy.

Why is it so fucking big???

#big vent #super mario dat hoe super mario dat hoe hit the yoshi on em #gamers i think i still have depression; big surprise getting a job didn't solve it big sadge #going back to mmos is like the clearest sign of a problem imaginable; i'm mere weeks away from playing Digimon Masters Online again #Digimon Masters Online #I'm gonna start putting the DMO tag on all of my vent posts; it's relevant because it's the origin point of all problems in life #ok wtf the most recent update increased mercenary slots by 1 (party size) this is huge I have to check this out #family ride home from the hu tao rap #i can't keep doing this i told myself i wouldn't put 500 unrelated tags on this one but they're so fun to do #le sigh gunvolt rhythm game dlc pack 1 doesn't have a zip to the moon life still sucks

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astrologgeek · 3 years

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⚠️ I do not give any permission to anyone reading this post to re-post my content nor plagiarize it. This content belongs to me and myself only @astrologgeek ⚠️

My ✨astro✨ notes

Part 1.

This is my first post on tumblr, I've been learning astrology for over a year now - and I have finally succeeded and wrote my own personal astrology notes! ⚠️these are my own personal observations and notes, which means that whatever I'm saying here isn't 100% astrology accurate & approved by any professional astrologer⚠️ hope you enjoy I guess <3 (BTW: if anyone wants to repost or anything pls tag me, and don't steal pls!! I've worked so hard on these.)

• Taurus risings have 2 types of luaghter: crying-like laugh because of their 3rd house cancer or a smirky / deep-like laugh because of their capricorn 9th house. As a taurus rising I approve this message.

• speaking of taurus risings: gemini 2nd house ppl may joke a lot about their self worth. They also have a very big vocal range - whether they can sing or not, they can be great at dubbing.

• Neptune in the 2nd house have dreamy voices / amazing singing abilities or they may sound like a someone that does drugs / smoke / just high.

• having your mars in the 10th house can indicate a modeling career, especially if your MC is in good aspects with your ASC.

• virgo 9th house people have the most provocative sense of humor, they are also a "know-it-all". Yet, they are extremely loyal, so passionate and devoted to their duties.

• whichever house your pluto is in explains your deepest fears and where there is true chaos in your life (I'll make a post about it!)

• having your pluto in libra - as pluto being the planet of our generations - means that these people have always tried to fit into norms and into society, to not stand out, to be the most basic they can try. I believe that if they had a catchfraze it would be: "fake it 'till you make it".

• whatever house you have libra in is an area in your life that tries to fit in norms / society / normality (libra 11th house: have friends that are normal & basic / you try to to fit in society to make friends)

• aries rising's facial expressions are IMMACULATE (aries rules the face, so it's fitting that their face and facial expression will be very dominant)

• if your lilith conjuncts your saturn then solving the dark and hidden parts of you will help your career life grow and evolve as well.

• Mars-neptune aspects makes your anger blurry - like you don't know when your angry or how to feel / express your anger. Bonus points if the moon has contact with mars.

• There are 2 houses that rule the feeling of not belonging: the 11th house (not belonging because ur special, unique, weird, not normal) and the 12th house (not belonging because of your lonely energy, your blurry energy that makes you feel drifted from everyone automatically)

• Parent & children 🤝 not understanding each other's generation. Why, you may ask? Most if the time the age gap between children & their parents is 25 - 40 years, now if pluto is changing it's sign every 12 (mostly) - 31 years it means that the gap of the signs is creating a square! Example: gen z (pluto in sag) & boomers and karens (pluto in virgo), yet gen z (pluto in sag) & gen of pluto in leo (our grandparents) are creating a trine aspect (good relationship between generations).

• Capricorn stelliums are the most impatient people ever, time just moves with their own schedule and they are the ones that are always perfectly in time. Why? Saturn, which is ruled by capricorn: is ruling time.

• 12th house placements in general but especially 12th house NN & chiron 10th house people have a hero complex, that we must help everyone and save everyone. It's because the 12th house is about selflessness and empathy.

• Sagittarius rising feel so intimate and private, like no one really knows them - because of their 12th house scorpio, which makes their intimate side hidden, and makes them a mystery.

• Your 7th house sign is also the sign you have celebrity-crushes & obsessions on.

• You can know leo's even without them having a sun, moon or rising in leo. They are just SO noticeable! Their energy is just IMMACULATE

• I think that 12th house people are very intersted in prisons, mental hospitals, illusions and parties actually! Now all of them are understood because of our natural will to search for the unkown and the mystery and the unrealistic stuff in our lives, stuff that makes your soul change.

But why parties? Parties may be a place filled with people and noise which 12th house ppl won't like but the thing is parties are a fun illusion, with the lights changing all the time and the music that makes our body adapt to an entirely different environment because of it - it makes u very much aware of everything within the noise and loudness and madness.

• Talking about parties and 12th house people - I have noticed that they have 2 options of how they act:

1. They sit in the corner and analyze literally anything or just drown in their own thoughts or distract themselves from "all of the eyes looking at them".

2. They try to dance and get involve in the party but they're or getting to carried away and then feel embarrassed af and isolate themselves or immediately regrets it and goes to isolate themselves.

• 10th house transits for ppl who haven't graduated high school / university yet will be manifesting in their school life because it's where you're "supposed" to find your career path.

• In my opinion, the co-ruler of fun (which is ruled by leo) is sagittarius. Why? Leo rules entertainment and sagittarius is the ruler of jupiter, which resembles happiness, optimism (, expansion, growth) which is like the soul purpose of fun and entertainment.

• Even tho communication and the social media are a mercury - thing, I actually think that specific parts have 2 or even 3 rulers. For example: articles are ruled by gemini, virgo and aquarius (gemini to represent the creativeness and flowing speech in the article (also gossip if included), virgo to represent the order and wording of the article and how it's represented and brought to the readers and aquarius is for the fact that articles always talk about new, innovative or unusual things that are happening currently [little bit of cap right here lol] in the world, which also bring awareness (def an aqua theme).

• As the 8th house representing secrets, intimacy and shared resources - it must mean that people with this stellium or placements LOVE gossip. gossip is the combination of shared resources (media - which related to my last note - so gossip pages are gemini scorpio thing), intimacy and secrets.

• I have a theory - vehicles, as all materials and machines - are ruled by earth signs, so here are each vehicles rulers in my opinion:

virgo rules the air-vehicles (plains, helicopters etc.) Because that's a mutable sign that's adaptable of change the most out of every earth sign, and because the sky is so unpredictable and there's infinite courses of ways to reach ur destination - virgo fits the most to it.

capricorn rules the sea-vehicles (ships, boats, submarines etc.) Because that's a cardinal sign, an initiator that doesn't wait for things to happen, but makes sure every sudden change has a stable solution, also the sea is such an exotic place - fitting for a Capricorn's rich taste in views and life. Other than that, water may be unpredictable as well, but less than the open air and sky. Capricorns are the sea goats for a reason ;)

And last but not least - taurus rules the earth-vehicles. As The most stable, grounded, stubborn & down to earth sign it's kind of fitting for the vehicles that moves through the earth to have taurus as it's ruler. As cars, motorcycles etc. Have roads, so does taurians have their own, only path. They depend on the only thing they trust and any sudden change will make chaos. It's also the most comfortable - the thing taurians are craving for most.

I HOPE U ENJOYED my astro-notes :) I'll def try to keep them coming lmao if y'all would want to. Hope y'all Have a nice day 💕

#astrology #astro notes #witchcraft #astrology observations #zodiac #12th house #taurus #astrologgeek

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loveisneurotic · 3 years

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Kaguya-sama Blind Reaction/Analysis: S1E1

Hello everyone, this is my blog which I am currently using to react to and analyze Kaguya-sama: Love Is War much more seriously than I should analyze any romcom.

I have only seen the first episode of the anime, which this post shall explore using far too many words. If I'm feeling particularly motivated, I may read the manga as well.

My analysis will contain spoilers. If you're thinking of watching this show and haven't seen it yet, I recommend you at least go check out the first episode yourself before reading any further. I don't know what the rest of the show is like, but what I've seen so far has been both entertaining and thought-provoking.

I'm going in mostly blind, but not entirely blind. There are a few images of the anime and manga that I have been exposed to, although without the attached context. Due to cultural osmosis and the sheer popularity of this work, perhaps that was almost inevitable.

Figure 1.1.1: Why did this guy write an essay about a single episode of an ongoing romcom?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War

Season 1 Episode 1

I Will Make You Invite Me to a Movie / Kaguya Wants to Be Stopped / Kaguya Wants It

Power dynamics in relationships

Figure 1.1.2: Immediately, the mangaka's tastes become clear.

I heard a saying once that really stuck with me: "The partner who cares the least has all of the power."

In the world of dating, I often sincerely believed this saying. You may yearn for someone's affection, but the other person need not give it to you until they are willing and ready. No matter how much you want it, you can't make someone more interested in you, unless you resort to being roundabout, such as adding some mystery and intrigue to your courtship. But is that excessive?

I once felt a potential lover slipping through my grasp, and before I knew it, I found myself chasing after them. As I was yearning for their attention, I felt as if I'd lost my dignity. It was humiliating. Painful. Was it just that they weren't the right person for me? Or was I not funny enough? Not charismatic enough? Not interesting enough? Too clingy? Too talkative? Should I have been more distant and given them more space? Did I seem too weak? Too eager? How should I have maximized my desirability? Regardless, I had surely lost. Perhaps they wanted the satisfaction and validation of conquering me. Playing me for a fool and asserting their superiority by being so distant. Isn't that right? Or is that just insecurity speaking? At what point is it ideal to cut one's losses and walk away?

If someone desperately wants the object of their affection to desire them, does that make them pathetic? Does it make them a loser? If you show more vulnerability and desire than the other person, does that truly make you the weak one in a relationship?

These questions plague our two protagonists and seem to be a driving force behind the main conflict. Since I have also grappled with how much to reveal my own feelings of desire, I find Kaguya-sama: Love Is War to be a particularly fascinating show.

Desire without action

Figure 1.1.3: Our protagonists are gifted with impressively high academic intelligence paired with impressively low emotional intelligence.

The show wastes no time in introducing us to our two main protagonists. Kaguya was born into a family of high stature (and says "ara ara" frequently enough to power a small country of weebs), whereas Shirogane is a "commoner" (Kaguya's word, not mine) who worked hard to reach the pinnacle of the student body. Like timid schoolchildren, they're crushing on each other, and yet they refuse to admit it due to their pride. Instead, they focus on getting their "opponent" to confess their love first.

What stuck out to me immediately is how they both have different ideas of what their relationship would be like. Shirogane envisions Kaguya as blushing, shy, and conventionally cute, whereas Kaguya (thankfully) envisions herself taking absolute dominance over Shirogane (which plenty of people should see coming as a character trait after the anime's very first scene). The bad news about this is that their two fantasies are at odds. The good news about this is that the mangaka has fantastic taste -- you can learn a lot about a storyteller based on the characterization of a love interest or lead character of the author's preferred gender.

In the event that the two of them become an actual couple, I wonder how on Earth they'll reach a compromise as to how they'll treat each other. Perhaps they will have to figure that out before they can even get that intimate.

I appreciate that we get to see both of their perspectives. It hammers home how everyone has a different truth in regards to what they desire and what they experience, and the show does not hold back when it comes to showing just how different these truths can be -- such as a certain lunch-themed sequence that I will talk about later. This works to great dramatic and comedic effect.

That said, when you spend your time fantasizing about what could happen instead of actually taking action, time is not so friendly to you.

Half a year passes.

Figure 1.1.4: Two geniuses dedicate their pride to wasting their life and energy.

Immediately, I got the impression that whoever wrote this segment of the story knows what they're doing. This is too real. And by "too real", I mean I very much appreciate the realism. How many of us have waited for ages (or for eternity) to confess our feelings to a specific someone?

This is the curse of having a crush and being incapable of acting on it. It's also why I hate having crushes.

Manufacturing affection in others, AKA the extraction of vulnerability

Figure 1.1.5: A plan is devised to weaponize jealousy in the name of affection.

To express your truest feelings means being vulnerable. That implies taking a risk and feeling responsible for any potential consequences of rejection, as well as putting our dignity on the line. It would be so much easier for the object of our affection to make themselves vulnerable instead. So instead of being direct and honest, we act indirect. We drop hints. We act suggestively, but not explicitly. We may even place them in situations where we think they are more likely to confess. If they don't pick up on it, we can pretend we didn't mean anything by it. That way, we don't have to risk our dignity. We can just wait for them to make the move.

It sucks.

Incidentally, it sucks even more when both you and your love interest are thinking that way.

It sucks infinitely more when both you and your love interest are COMMITTED to thinking that way.

Someone has to break the deadlock, whether that's immediately or eventually.

If this show isn't one of those romcoms where the status quo never changes ever (judging by the quality of writing, I have faith that it isn't), then at some point, either Shirogane or Kaguya is going to have to be explicit about how they really feel. And it's going to feel scarier to them than anything else they've ever done.

It's gonna be great.

If we could all grow up and live in environments where it's safe and encouraged for all of us to be honest about how we feel and what we want, surely love would be much less painful for so many people.

Chaos theory

Figure 1.1.6: If your prospective lover won't protect you, then your friend definitely will.

Chika is the ideal wild card and agent of chaos in this arena of love.

From a writing perspective, Chika is immensely useful. The mangaka probably could have gotten by without a third character in the mix, but she serves as a catalyst and an unknown element, able to create unpredictability and subversion of expectations. For a comedy-oriented story, this is invaluable.

Blissfully unaware of the mental turmoil that plagues our two lovesick dorks, she is able to unintentionally invalidate whatever schemes that Kaguya or Shirogane spent so much mental energy on, which adds extra comedy and tension for the audience. She is also an effective vehicle for Kaguya's jealousy and projection, as seen in the lunchbox scene which I have so graciously foreshadowed.

Figure 1.1.7: We have confirmed visual on an unidentified fourth person. Chekhov would love this. From their posture, I wonder if they'll be a gloomy character?

Misunderstandings and assumptions

I've heard that most interpersonal conflicts in life emerge from misunderstandings. In the absence of communication, assumptions are born and give rise to misunderstandings.

You may know where I'm going with this. Let's talk about the lunchbox sequence.

Figure 1.1.8 (not pictured because tumblr wishes to deny me of my image spam): Kaguya is too prideful to admit she thinks that a couple is doing something cute.

Figure 1.1.9: Pride is considered a sin for a reason.

From a writing perspective, I was impressed by the lack of romantic intentions in Shirogane in this whole sequence. Not once did he try to get Kaguya to show vulnerability to him. Instead, Kaguya is the only one spinning the situation in a romantic way, while Shirogane's driving force is the misunderstanding that Kaguya is looking down on him for what he eats. Because of this misunderstanding, Shirogane doubles down and makes his food even better, making the situation even more complicated and more stressful for Kaguya. This was definitely my favorite comedy sequence from the first episode.

I appreciate that the show has demonstrated the ability to create these scenarios where one of the characters doesn't even have love on their mind, but there are still romantic thoughts coming from the other character which drives the drama. It gives me a lot of faith in the variety this show will have to offer, and makes me excited to watch more.

When it comes to comedy rooted in misunderstandings, it is important to have miscommunication or lack of communication. In order to resolve a misunderstanding, you need to talk about it. For a pairing as dysfunctional as Kaguya and Shirogane, expecting healthy communication sounds highly unreasonable, which makes them prime material for a whole world of misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are rooted in assumptions about what the other person meant when they said something or made a certain gesture or expression. When Kaguya glared at Shirogane and his food, he didn't even think to ask "What's the matter?" He just made an assumption about how she felt. I wonder if trying to understand Kaguya's feelings would be considered a sign of weakness by Shirogane?

A prerequisite to initiating an emotional conversation is the desire to understand or be understood by the other person -- assuming that your assumptions haven't already built a narrative for you. It is far easier to make assumptions than it is to attempt any sort of understanding.

In the end, Shirogane fled, unwilling to confront or attempt to understand the intense and passive-aggressive Kaguya. Kaguya feels that she cannot directly ask to try his lunch, so perhaps this is the closest she can get to initiating such a conversation with him at this time. Despite their mind games where they imagine the reactions of their opponent, they still have a lot of difficulty understanding each other.

I am curious to see if this prospective couple's communication skills and emotional intelligence will improve over the course of the story.

The burden of potential romance

Figure 1.1.10: Even the infallible genius Kaguya succumbs to superficial jealousy. It's "mind over matter" versus "matter over mind". That's how the saying goes, right?

Chika is a free spirit, able to ask Shirogane for whatever she wants without being neurotic. That is the power of not being bounded by a crush. Kaguya, who lacks that degree of freedom, briefly loathes her for experiencing something that Kaguya cannot ask for. It's amazing how much someone's feelings for a friend can change without a single word being spoken between them. All it takes is an action, unintentional or not, combined with the raw strength of insecurity. Just as quickly, the status quo can return back to normal too, with the act of properly making up.

To Chika, asking for food from someone doesn't mean anything at all, whereas with Kaguya, it is an admission of defeat. In that sense, a relationship that will only ever be platonic brings peace of mind, whereas a relationship that can be potentially romantic brings leagues upon leagues of anxiety if the outcome is of great concern.

Love is neurotic.

Is love worth the pain? For some people, it is not. For others, the reward is immense -- but only if you can make sure your relationship with this person doesn't end up being a nightmare for your emotional health.

Love and self-identity

The final scene of the episode surprised me in a good way. It's a brief departure from the comedy, and reveals a more heartfelt side of the show.

Kaguya's servant asks her an insightful question. It is substantially more insightful than I would expect from any romcom: "If you fell in love some day, would you wait for that person to confess their love, like now? Or would you confess your love?" I found myself immediately curious to hear Kaguya's answer, since I knew it would be highly informative about her character.

"If that time comes, I would consider the risk of someone stealing him first and come to the one rational conclusion." Even in the realm of love, Kaguya seems precise and calculating. It's as if she hesitates to give a straight answer, but then she confirms: "Of course I would go."

Figure 1.1.11: "Please understand."

It is not embarrassment or rejection that Kaguya fears; it is the absolute destruction of her identity and sense of self. Kaguya is the daughter of a family that practically runs the country. In her mind, everyone yearns for her and wishes to serve her. Turning that around and reaching out to another person to express her own desire would be a direct contradiction of that. It is probably a similar situation for Shirogane, where the infallible self-image he has built up is being put at risk during his romantic duels against Kaguya.

Kaguya clearly feels trapped. She and Shirogane see each other as threats to be conquered, but in reality, they both share a mutual enemy that is much more imposing and insidious: their own simultaneous disgust at the idea of vulnerability.

Their freedom is dominated by their insecurities, and so, even despite their impressive stature, they are still very human. Their upbringing that has lead them to become so accomplished may be more of a curse than a blessing, due to the resulting pride and self-image they likely feel pressured to uphold.

It is hard to cast aside a lie that you have bought into for your whole life.

If our two protagonists wish to have a chance of establishing a healthy romantic relationship, they have a lot of their own demons to overcome first. If they cannot set aside their pride and reach mutual understanding, they have no hope.

Until then, they will both remain trapped in a hell of their own design, however tragically comedic it may be.

My hopes for this story's future

I can tell that the mangaka, unlike far too many writers all over the world, actually seems to have a solid understanding of romance and the conflict that arises within. I've watched too many anime that place huge focus on the "will they or won't they" crap which never runs any deeper than one or both of the characters being too embarrassed to just say what they're thinking, without any sort of convincing mental blocker. In that case, it's clearly just manufactured drama which is designed to pad out the story and waste your time rather than pose interesting questions and themes. In the case of Kaguya and Shirogane, the two of them have substantial communication issues which are depicted in a comedic yet mature way, which I have found engaging.

I very much hope that the show will more deeply explore the themes and questions surrounding the ideas of vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and superiority within relationships. Kaguya and Shirogane have been set up to be great vehicles for such exploration, and I hope the mangaka can capitalize on that, especially if our protagonists can confront these issues directly.

My impression is that the ending will make or break this story. If the mangaka can pull it off well, I can already believe the payoff will be hugely satisfying.

Of course, in order to get to that point, we'll have to see a certain something. It has to do with the most sacred word amongst romcom enthusiasts: "progress". Indeed, after spending chapters upon chapters watching two characters bumble around amidst the same exact status quo, those little signs of advancements in a relationship are highly rewarding.

Underneath all of their aggression, if we can see Kaguya and Shirogane slowly open up to each other and realize the benefits of vulnerability, I think we could witness something really beautiful and really emotionally cathartic.

I've still only seen one episode, but I believe the mangaka has laid a fantastic groundwork for a series and can do a great job developing upon what I've seen so far. On that note, I will surpass our prideful protagonists by opening my heart to this story and entrusting it with my vulnerability, believing it can deliver satisfying development and resolution. You can do it!

Closing thoughts

I did not expect to write so much about a single episode of an ANIME of all things, but here we are. If only I could conjure this kind of power back when I actually needed it in high school English class!

The first episode alone is already so rich with characterization and themes that I managed to find quite a lot to talk about. Given how much I found myself relating to the characters and some of their situations, it's clear to me how this show became so popular. Not only are the animation, direction, and writing excellent, but also many people can probably relate to love feeling like a battlefield.

I do not want to believe in the idea of winners and losers in relationships. That idea creeps into my head whenever I'm having trouble keeping the interest of a new date, and I find myself wondering where those thoughts even come from. Lately, I have been reflecting on the way I relate to other people. Perhaps I've started experiencing this show at a time in my life when I most needed it, and that's why I felt driven to write such a large analysis.

This show poses some very interesting questions about romance that I do not actually know the answer to at the time of writing. I do not know yet how much the show is actually going to explore these themes. Regardless, I appreciate how this show is helping me reflect, and I am curious to see if and how the mangaka will answer some of the questions brought about by the story's themes.

This is a show that I'll most likely have to pace myself with. There was so much to process in this first episode alone. If I went any faster, I'm not sure if I'd even catch all of the details and character moments. I'm excited to move onto the second episode soon.

A highly subjective footnote about my cultured tastes

I'm glad that Kaguya is a sadistic dom with a gentle and vulnerable side, solely on the basis of that being my favorite personality type in a love interest. It also helps that it makes Kaguya's fantasies that much funnier with Shirogane acting so out of character. I feel like this show was made for me.

What was I writing about again? Oh yeah, writing a gigantic wall of text about an anime romcom. Somehow, I spent an entire day on this essay. Hopefully someone got a kick out of it.

#kaguya sama: love is war #analysis #long post #reactions

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sylvyspritii · 3 years

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An actual blogpost: Remembering 2013-2014 Tumblr

For the past few years (2015-2021), i think many of you have noticed that i've started to use Tumblr less and less, i've since become more active on other platforms like Twitter, because Twitter was where people where, and a part of the joy of creativity for me is seeing people's reactions to my works, after all, seeing the happiness my work can give people is a large part of my motivation and money to survive and pay the rent in our difficult world. To me personally, Tumblr started to feel more and more like a "corporate graveyard", something it didn't use to be. The reason i was attracted to Tumblr was because people told me to use it, weirdly enough, i fell into pear pressure, but i think now as an adult, i am starting to understand what i liked about Tumblr's "vibe" Tumblr always felt really accepting in a way, even when i wasn't ready for it myself yet, Tumblr's "vibe" has always been very progressive, pro-LGBT+, and open about mental health issues, unlike many other websites. But there was a special kind of magic about the pre-2014-Dashcon era, i think Tumblr used to be more "cohesive", like there was some kind of unspoken unity and solidarity, or maybe that's just my nostalgia blindness. Now in 2021, it's been...7-8 years since i've experienced that era on Tumblr, and funnily enough, i kind of feel like i would have been able to enjoy it better at my current age, because back then, i wasn't really ready to accept myself yet, but now i feel like i would appreciate it. After 2015, and after Tumblr got handed out to different companies like crazy, and the NSFW ban, i always felt like the "culture" and "vibe" of Tumblr changed gradually, it became more "corporate friendly", less "emotional goth indie hipster coffee", more "prude soulless suit", and as someone who grew up in the height of emo/edge culture (the friendly emotional teen kind, not the mean edgy kind), that transition of "vibes" always kind of felt disappointing to me, not because i feared getting older, but because Tumblr was an interesting combination of a "time capsule" of that friendly type of edginess (unlike other websites), counter-culture, and openness about progressive/LGBT+/mental health topics, but also really funny jokes (we call them "shitposts" now, but they used to have more meat to them imo), Tumblr was that kind of chaotically funny friend who would also listen to you when you are an emotional wreck, that was Tumblr's "vibe", as seen by my, admittedly, millennial nostalgia goggles that is. Oh god, i'm a millennial But yeah, slowly, i felt like people just kind of...moved away from Tumblr, to other sites, like Twitter. But let me tell you, Twitter is a fucking shitshow, like, let's be real, Twitter isn't well moderated at all. I used to think Tumblr was a "drama hole", but honestly, Twitter takes the cake, there are way too many negative things on Twitter, especially political fights are a big thing, it becomes very draining on my mental health to see that every day, so i've muted a lot of words on it. I've been thinking back about the past a little, about my journey as a composer and as an artist, and one place i feel like i've overlooked in that internal retrospectieve is Tumblr, Tumblr is...nostalgic, it used to be a very different place than it is now, but i felt very inspired by it at times. Remember that one time before Undertale for example? Where i made an arrange of one of Toby Fox's song, and he just reblogged it? That's still one of my favourite memories on this website. But yeah, aside from personal moments, i also really enjoyed a lot of the site's humour, there were just so many enjoyable posts here (Tumblr University and voiceovers and cool random stories where people keep adding new stuff always caught my attention), you just don't have the same type of "vibe" on other websites, Tumblr was an unique place were i've made a lot of nice memories, and i'd like to remember it for the good things, not the bad things (because of course there's bad things on Tumblr lol). If you've actually read this; thank you, have a nice

day! (PS: Do you want me to make more of these blog-style posts? It can be about other topics too of course) (Btw feel free to comment/reblog comment on this with your thoughts!)

#blog #restrospective #nostalgia #2013 tumblr #2014 tumblr #remember

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the-prince-of-professors · 3 years

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I mean other adaptations like Cumberbatch!Sherlock, Rathbone!Holmes... Also I've read that there are Raffles adaptations shooted in 1930s. Are they worth watching?

Oh, well this might be a long post... 😅

Holmes adaptations: there are so many of them, obviously, and I have seen quite a few but far from all. If there is anyone who has followed me for more than four years or so, they might remember that I was in the BBC Sherlock fandom back in 2016-17-ish and was quite obsessed at that point. But that was pretty much my first Holmes experience, and I was new to tumblr and fandom, and hadn’t read the books yet. Then I did, and then I found the Soviet adaptation, and also Raffles, and after that the series just... was not very interesting at all in comparison x) Plus, the toxic cult-like mentality of the fandom really drove me away, and now I haven’t watched it in years. It’s been too long for me to really have an opinion on how good an adaptation it is on a scale, but I mostly remember being impressed by the cinematography in particular. Thinking back though, I remember some weird choices being made, and I don’t think I’d like it much as an adaptation at this point. Maybe as a series disregarding the source material, but I don’t know. Enough on that. Rathbone is another I haven’t been very interested in. I’ve watched a few and was very much Not Impressed, especially by the portrayal of Watson. I know there are better and worse ones among them though and have meant to watch some that others find better, but haven’t gotten around to it yet. I don’t know, I often find that the most popular adaptations are just... a bit overrated, I suppose. There is so much out there that is underrated just because it’s not as well known, like Howard Holmes, and like the Soviet series which is constantly eclipsed by Granada while being just as superb in production quality and, depending on your personal taste, perhaps an even better adaptation (you can guess where I land on that...).

All in all, I have my favourites but I’m also very interested in watching a new adaptation. Seeing what the creators have made with the material is sometimes wonderful, sometimes disappointing, but always interesting.

When it comes to Raffles adaptations, there is a significantly smaller selection. The TV series is by far the best and the most extensive screen adaptation, I think I can say that more as a fact than as a personal opinion. There is a handful of silent era adaptations that are not very interesting -- adapting Raffles back in the day tended to be more along the lines of “Look, cool and suave villain!! Let’s have him fall in love and redeem himself. Bunny who?”. It’s been awhile since I watched them and I’m not sure I watched all of them so there might be something interesting there still, but on the whole... well.

Then there are the ‘30s adaptations, yes! There is one from 1930 which is based on the early 1900s play Raffles, the Amateur Cracksman (which, I believe, all of the silent adaptations were based on as well -- and reminds me that I need to actually read that play one of these days), and then one from 1939 which is actually just a remake of the first one. I have only watched the ‘39 version, so I can’t compare the two, but I genuinely love that one! Not that it’s an excellent adaptation of the books or that it doesn’t have problems. But it’s just a nice little film in itself, with that romantic touch typical for the golden age, and most of all I just love David Niven as Raffles and Douglas Walton as Bunny (even though we don’t get that much of him). Niven’s Raffles is, in the story, a bit too much on the redeeming side to really be book Raffles; but he is charming and joyful and sparkling in all the right ways, and just has the right spirit for A. J., you know. They have him fall in love with Bunny’s sister here, but... since canon Bunny actually is an only child, I’ve chosen to interpret her as just a stand-in for Bunny ^^ It also happens to be a modern AU version, which is kinda fun, and it has some cricket, and also has Raffles partnering up with a kitten for a burglary which is just precious. Base line, it’s not the best but it’s definitely not awful, and it’s a nice and feel-good way to spend an hour.

There is also the radio adaptation, which is a rather extensive adaptation and actually covers most of the canon stories. While it’s generally popular within the fandom, it is something of a vexation for me -- it comes off as being a more or less direct adaptation of the books, while in fact making a ton of minor changes and omissions that are both seemingly uncalled for and that changes the stories (and the characters) significantly. While the TV series also makes a few changes, they are usually both for a good reason and well done -- and the ones that are not are too few to really be bothersome. But in the radio series they are so frequent and numerous and, frankly, awful, that at least I have trouble enjoying the series, even though it has some good moments too. This however mostly applies to the first two series -- in the third series, which covers the Earl’s Court and Ham Common eras, it keeps much closer to the spirit of canon and has some really awesome moments. (They changed writer for the third series, so I really think the first writer was the Problem...). I say it’s still worth a listen because it’s the biggest adaptation we have next to the TV series, but like... please for the love of Hornung, read the books first.

Well, that did turn out rather long. I hope I answered your question, and feel free to ask away if you have anything else on your mind! ☺

#telegram #answers from toni #anonymous #holmes adaptations #raffles adaptations #sorry it took me so long to answer btw #i've just been so busy

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

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hi, it's the milky way again

it's been a while since i've dropped something in your mailbox

i've now finished the school year and the grades and reports are coming in tomorrow or the day after. i'm kinda scared of them because i know they dropped a lot since last year but i'm pretty sure i passed most if not all of my courses so i think it'll be fine.

i started working a summer job a week ago and i'll be working the next week too. it's mostly because i need the money so i can replace my broken phone but also because we had to do some kind of job/workplace experience thing because of our school (that was voluntary though because of covid). the job pays really well so i might also get a new binder with the money since the one i have now is falling apart. on the other hand, working 8 hours a day for five days straight has really taken all of my energy and i can't listen to music while working which makes it a lot harder. the last week i've mostly been coming home in the evening, maybe eating something and going straight to bed.

(also i got my period last thursday and i hate hate hate it so much it makes everything so much worse even without the dysphoria it's just so messy and annoying to deal with)

a week ago i finally jumped over my shadow and talked to my mom but it was a huge disappointment. i'm pretty sure i couldn't get my point across in a way she'd understand and she kinda just admitted not being able to help after saying a bunch of things that really hurt. i removed myself from the situation by "going to bed" aka going to my room, locking my door and crying myself to sleep. i was just really pissed off and talking to her was kinda my last resort for when i realized i couldn't help myself anymore.

anyway, the day after that was monday (when i started working) and me, running on barely any sleep because the night before was a disaster, had to somehow survive work and i'm pretty sure i ignored or snapped at a lot of people that day which i feel kinda bad for.

on wednesday after work i talked to my mom again because i was pissed off and couldn't let it sit. she said the same kind of bs she had used on sunday and we got nowhere, since then i've probably been a lot less friendly to her but i'm just not ready to give up so much energy for her.

her favorite arguments we're things like "but others have it a lot worse" (which is a mindset i've worked on getting away from for quite a while) (also my mom was referring only to my grades with this but little does she know that the only reason why my grades aren't dropping that badly is because no matter how bad i got mentally, i yeeted stuff like self-care before school because school had always been structured and mostly clear while life in general was just. not.)

other arguments she used were "just get off your phone and set a timer for 45 minutes and concentrate on what you wanna get done" and "just pull yourself together, it's not that hard" (those were about me saying that i struggle with starting tasks and getting shit done)

lastly she also said that my expectations are just way too high and that if i didn't expect only the best from myself (this was about grades too) i wouldn't get so disappointed if i didn't get that great grade i was hoping for. and like, she's not wrong but if you've only ever been good at one thing in your entire life and you were really good at it, then you'd just expect nothing but the best from yourself because you know reaching that isn't impossible.

and she ended it with "what do you expect me to do?" and "i can't help you" and i realized later that i just should've said that she should help me get someone that *can* help me, like a therapist or something.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for finding a summer job and finally talking to my mom and not so proud of my grades and the fact that i can't seem to get the point across to my mom

thank you for creating this safe space for people like us, i wish you a happier time than the one i'm having :')

milky way here :|

got the reports and grades and stuff yesterday and i'm just :| about it. like, yea i know i'm still somewhere at the top of the class and that i'm more than one and a half grades better than some others in my class but i'm still upset about my grade in maths for example but my parents laughed/chuckled at me when i was upset and that really hurt

and afterwards my mom said something along the lines of "yes you're allowed to be stressed but because of your good grades you don't have the right to complain about being stressed" which is absolute bs and i still don't understand how having good grades disqualifies one from complaining and i'm sure as hell not gonna ask her

i just wanna scream in her face but i'm pretty sure she'd slap me if i did that

i'm almost done with my summer job and since monday noon i had the chance to work in a different part of the factory which is a lot less uncomfy to be in because it has AC and since it's not in the lab itself, i don't have to wear a hair net, an overall, steel-toed boots and rubber gloves.

today i set myself a few goals for the summer break and for the next school year and i really hope i can get through with those because it'd make future-me extremely happy

have a great great time :D

and PS: since tumblr has been eating a lot of notifs lately i missed a lot of your posts and i tried filtering by the milky way anon tag but only one post showed up. i'm not sure what's up with that tho

Hi again! Don’t worry, I got you. Here’s a link to all the asks you’ve sent up to this point: first, second, third. All of them are tagged, but the tumblr search engine isn’t exactly known for its accuracy. I use the tumblr original post finder site for this stuff, but I just realised by looking for your asks that the site takes capital letters into account, so the ones that were tagged with a capital M in Milky weren’t showing. They all do show now that I changed the M to lowercase. So I’ll have to try to be more consistent with that from now on 😅

On to your asks. First off, congrats on finishing your course! And I really hope you can replace your phone and your binder :D sorry about getting your period, though, that really sucks :(

I think the conversation with your mom that Sunday is the one discussed on the third ask I linked. I'm really sorry the same thing happened on Wednesday. It's not your fault you can't get across to her—she's the one who should be open to helping you and offering possible (actual) solutions to the problems you're bringing up to her, and not you who should spell out every single thing she can do to help you. You're not being unclear to her—she's being obtuse and refusing to listen.

You're not meant to know how to just "pull yourself together", and you're absolutely right that your grades not dropping all the way doesn't mean you're not struggling, and you still deserve help so you don't have to jeopardise your mental health for your grades. And while she's right you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself or to expect perfection from yourself, that's also something that you deserve professional help with. Again, you're not meant to know how to just turn off those emotions and thought processes.

*hugs* sorry your math grade wasn't as high as you'd hoped. It's okay to be upset and disappointed by that, and I'm so sorry they laughed at you. You do have every right to express your emotions, and you're not being unfair to anyone else for being unhappy with your own grades. I often feel the same! I get really good grades (as I think I've already said), and I also often feel disappointed when a grade isn't as high as I'd hoped. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'm really glad you know what your mom says is bs, because it really is. It's no wonder you feel like screaming in her face—she sounds incredibly frustrating, exhausting and invalidating to deal with. You deserve so much better than this 😔

I'm so glad you're proud of yourself! I'm really proud of you too for everything you've accomplished despite her being so unhelpful and invalidating, and I really hope you're enjoying the rest of your summer holidays and you can reach your goals! And if the occasion arises and you do end up using the "you can help me find someone who can help me" line, I hope it goes better. But if not, again, please know this is an issue of her refusing to listen, and not of you being unclear about what you need.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤️

#ask #neglectful mother #Abusive mother #milky way anon #Covid mention #emotional neglect tw #Dysphoria mention #abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #Dysphoria tw #Milky way anon

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harry-sussex · 3 years

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You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

#Ask #possibilitiesofsainthood #Prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #phmemoir

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formulatrash · 4 years

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hey hazel i know you said you're swamped so seriously no obligation to answer but do you have any thoughts on will buxton's recent chronic inability to stop digging himself into holes, esp on twitter? i'm not so much of a buxton-hater as a lot of people i've been seeing but he has been dropping the ball constantly as of late. what's up with him

Hmm, well. I want to couch this in saying I think some of Will’s meltdowns have been truly appalling (the ‘racism is now about me’ one, in particular) and that however nice and human compared to a lot of F1 people he seems, he does come from an enormously privileged background. I really like Will - but I think it is worth acknowledging both that his behaviour goes well beyond having a bad day sometimes and that one of the reasons he’s been able to present a personable, friendly attitude in the paddock is that he’s from a class where that’s a comfort zone.

I really empathise with him at the minute. He’s been quite publicly open about struggling with mental health issues and this year has been really difficult for most of us in the industry, especially freelancers. Losing the thing your life revolves around is a major disruption, especially when doing your work in it is what gives you a sense of reward and worth and idk if that’s the problems Will’s having (I’m not his psychologist) but I know it’s hit me and other people in motorsport really hard. Like what do you do, wait? Give up on the thing you’ve been fighting to stay in for so long (and it’s always a bit of a wrestle) - and then to go back in weird, stressful circumstances is hard too.

But I think what gets to Will is what gets to me, too, which is just like skull-caving-in overwhelmedness at the internet. If you can’t post anything without a million people jumping on you then it’s really hard to tell if you’ve actually posted something bad or if it’s just the standard pile-on, which lets things escalate into the sort of Dick Tantrum incident* which was like, mostly harmless but all got a bit silly. (the person arguing with him was also being genuinely unpleasant and brought Will’s daughter into it, which is very uncool)

And I see the things that used to drive me mad when people asked me about when And We Go Green was coming out and I’d be like “I don’t know, I’m not the production company, I don’t know anything please stop asking me it’s not funny” because I was worried about it myself. So when the F1 show moved from YouTube to wherever (as far as I can tell it’s still on YouTube) and a load of people were moaning at Will, whose job it is to present it not schedule it, I really sympathetically winced. Like it’s hard enough having work at the minute, let alone being held responsible for all of FOM’s decisions.

There’s also just a sort of assumption that media people are invincible. Like there’s these irrelevant anime fanboys I should spend absolutely 0% of my brain ever thinking about on Twitter who are convinced I hate men because I don’t think fangirls should be bullied for liking Lando Norris or think their shit edge lord memes are funny. I should not care about this, it shouldn’t bother me and the more I let it the more they crow about getting rent-free space in my head and like. Fine, you fuckers, you have managed to irritate me. Because I’m just trying my fucking best and having a seriously bad time doing it and when I was on an upwards career trajectory I could ignore it but right now everything feels like a kick. Like if I can’t get the jobs, do I have to take the bullshit?

When I got people nitpicking my Tumblr I stopped posting here because it made me so miserable. I had to basically get off the whole internet because I was so wound up because if I had an up moment and said something enthusiastic, it felt like it would get chewed out and dissected and disapproved of. And I’m nowhere near as famous as Will, obviously so I do get that he feels very under it.

And he loves being online and interacting with people and being able to be meme-y and jokey and a bit more human and sympathetic than some other presenters, a little less hardline masc in the traditional F1 sense than the strict shirts-and-slacks Sky Sports team. So when that then turns into something miserable it’s like well how much fucking more of me are you going to take: I can’t work or work is complicated, can’t tool around online...

So yeah. I do get that Buxton is Going Through It. And I’ve used examples of me there because I don’t know what’s going on in his head and I’d rather not speculate but to give you an idea of how it is.

Will’s a nice person, he’s not as educated on social issues as, idk, me or Chainbear or whoever but he is a long way ahead of a lot of F1 and I also get that it’s been very distressing in the last few months having to argue with colleagues and discovering the true, unpleasant colours of people you know.

So I have a lot of sympathy for him. I have to walk away from the internet a lot at the minute, which is really hard when we all live on it all the fucking time and it’s like ok taking a break to maybe speak to friends and oh fuck here I am again in a Grandpa Simpson taking his hat off gif loop.

Anyway, short version: lot of people really going through it right now. I really hope Will can get some support and also maybe someone to do his social media for him for a bit, which sucks because he obviously enjoys it but like, I think I would if I was in a position to right now. Even though people’d probably phone the police in suspicion I’d been kidnapped when my tweets started being spelt right and shit.

*Dan is literally called Dick Tantrum in the paddocks and by his engineers so Will was actually right that it’s a nickname. Not a nice one but there it is.

#f1 asks #work asks

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