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mimibtsghost7 · 3 years

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Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost.

funny enough:

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life.

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol).

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well .. guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me?

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right:

Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me:

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first.

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony.

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them? You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that?

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner.

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever.

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it: a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left. As for me @hobisbeautifulass you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

#Anonymous #hobisbeautifulass #don't mind the typos as I wrote this in one go #just because I am someone who do not punch back when someone hit me do not mean I will stand nicely when you touch my people #anyway~ bye~#mimibtsghost

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chanbangblog · 4 years

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ive only felt religion when ive lied with you- 11

A/N: (smut, Chan x reader, Canon compliant, fan/idol)

“Fuck, Chris! Fuck-“ you moaned as his hand made contact with your ass again, stinging in the best way.

He pulled you up from where you were bent over the bed, as he thrusted in and out of you like this was his last fuck on Earth. “Who said you could tease me like that in front of everyone?” he asked, teeth gritted.

He ending the question with a particularly hard thrust that knocked the air out of your lungs.

“I’m-I’m sorry baby, I just cant help it when you’re around.” You said, trying your best not to moan in the middle of the sentence because oh god, he felt so good in you right now.

“I know, you’re such little slut for my cock,” he said, as his hand reached around to touch your clit, “tell me who can fuck you this good.” He commanded.

“You baby, only you,” you moaned, as you reached your high, your own hips stuttering as Chris continued to fuck in and out of you.

He let you go and you quite literally collapsed forward onto the bed. He pulled out of you and flipped you over, spreading you so he could push back in.

“You feel good babygirl?” he asked, as he kissed your cheek. You moved so your lips could meet, never growing tired of the butterflies you got each time. You wish you could bottle that exact feeling and save it for a hard day.

“Yes, you always make me feel good.” You said, in reply after your lips parted. He stood up and quickened his pace again, hands under your knees to push them back and gain better access.

“I want your cum baby, please,” you begged, you loved the sight of him cumming on your stomach and you wanted it again, now.

“Are you gonna lick it up again?” he asked, sounding fucked out.

“Yes I love the taste so much, please baby” you begged. Your begs worked because a few moments later he had pulled out and was pumping his cock as white spurts painted your stomach.

You ran your finger through it and licked it clean, just how you knew he liked it. He was smiling this time.

“You really are amazing, y/n.” Chris said, before turning to go get a towel to clean you all up.

A few minutes later when you were laying in bed, naked in each other’s arms, you finally spoke what was on your mind.

“Well I see we’re not using condoms anymore.” You blurted out.

Jesus. Smooth, once again.

“Yeah I guess not, I mean, I know I’m clean,” he said, looking at you expectantly.

You hesitated, suddenly feeling embarrassed, “Oh, um, yeah. Me too, I mean, I got tested after I found out my ex had cheated on me and I was clean. I’ve never had sex without a condom with anyone unless they were, um, my boyfriend,” you cringed even as the words were coming out of your mouth.

You did not just say that word. The B word. You did not.

“Good thing I’m your boyfriend then.” Chris said, smiling.

“MY WHAT-“ you cut yourself off, sucking in a breath in shock, stomach doing a million back flips at once and threatening to turn on you.

Fuck y/n, don’t throw up, not now not now.

You threw the covers off of both of you and slung your legs over the side of the bed so you could sit up and put your head in your hands.

Chris was laughing, laughing. You could hear him behind you as you desperately tried to calm down.

“No this is not happening, I do not have a boyfriend, I do not-“ you stopped when you realized you were speaking out loud.

“Yes you do, and it’s me!” Chris sing-songed in the background.

“No, we can’t, I- I can’t-“ your words turned into a broken sob as reality overtook you. It couldn’t be true, it could never work, never in a million years.

You hid your face in your hand as you finally let all your emotions flow out with your tears, sobs racking your body. You could barely hear Chris over your own noises and you could feel him moving toward you.

You just sobbed for a few more moments before you realized Chris had taken your hands and was trying to get you to focus.

When you finally did focus, his face was right in front of you, he was kneeling in the floor.

“Y/n, Y/n, It’s okay babygirl, I didn’t mean to force it, if you don’t want me like that then-“

“Don’t want you? How could I not want you? Look at us together, we’re perfect! It’s not about what I want! It can’t happen Chris! You’re an idol, you’re untouchable and-“

“and yet here we are,” he finished, “I don’t know how it’s going to work but I want it to, I fucking care about you and I can’t see you as anything but my girlfriend.”

His words hurt. How could words so sweet, hurt so much?

“Exactly, you don’t know how. Because it’s not going to work.” You cried, “You live in Korea and are constantly travelling. I live here, I have a life here, Chris. I can’t just give up everything to chase you!”

“I’m not asking you to, I would never ask you to.” He said, “but you told me you’ve always dreamed about living in Seoul, what if you try it out? And while you do that, you give us a try?” he asked, eyes full of hope. Hope you knew you would crush.

“I can’t live in the shadows like this, Chris. I can’t have the best thing in my fucking life be a secret. I can’t ruin your career just because I’m selfish! What if they found out? I couldn’t live with myself! I couldn’t!” you screamed.

“Look, I don’t have to hide my personal life forever, I’m sure you’ve heard about the three year-“

“Dating ban. Yeah, I know. So you want me to live like this for two more years? Am I hearing you correctly?” you demanded.

“Live like this? I thought you were having fun.” Chris said, drawing back, hurt painting his features.

“I am having the time of my life Chris! But I can only stay in hotel rooms and rooftops for so long” you yelled as another sob overtook you.

“You’re right…you’re right.” He replied.

Chris wrapped his arms around you then and you cried until you felt you didn’t have any more tears. When you were finally done, you looked up at him, only to find his eyes puffy and red too.

“Y/n, do you want me?” he asked in an even tone, serious as death.

“Yes, always.” You said instantly.

“Then we’re going to figure this out.”

***

The morning light painted the ceiling yellow, your eyes followed the beautiful rays of light that danced above you as the Texas sun rose.

You couldn’t be sure how long you had been awake or how long you had been asleep prior to that. You just lied there and listened to the rhythmic sounds of your boyfriend breathing in and out in his sleep.

Your boyfriend.

You weren’t sure if it would ever seem real. You weren’t sure if you were a fool for trying. But you did know one thing, you wanted him, more than anything you had ever wanted before. And maybe that was enough.

Your arm was under his neck, your fingertips pulling softly on his hair as you ran your fingers through it, his face in the crook of your neck, legs tangled together. You wished you could pause time right here. In the early morning hours, while the city and the world were still asleep and all that mattered was his breath brushing against your skin.

But you learned quickly again, time doesn’t stop for anyone.

A knocking on the hotel door woke Chris up from his sleep, and you from your delusions.

He shouted something in Korean and threw some pants on as he stumbled through the door. He had a quick conversation through the door and came back to the bed.

“Y/n…” he said, grabbing your hand.

“Don’t Chris, don’t ask me because I’ll say yes.”

“Please come to LA with me,” he said, and took you in his arms. You collapsed in his embrace as you shook your head yes.

“Should I get Bluebird a ticket too?” Chris asked, nothing but seriousness in his voice.

You cackled, “her name is Robyn, Chris!” he joined you in laughter and you were grateful for the comedic relief.

“Yeah well Bluebird is more fun to say.” He chuckled back at you.

“I think Jisung would be really upset if you didn’t get her a ticket too,” you said.

“Yeah and Minho too from what I can tell!” Chris added.

“Remind me to tell you about Minho’s drunken escapades later,” you said, laughing even more at the memory.

“Oh god I can’t wait to hear this,” Chris said.

“Let’s just say it involves a can of shaving cream, the maknaes and Hard Carry by GOT7,” you said.

“Jesus Christ.”

#stray kids smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids fic #stray kids fics #bang chan smut #bang chan x reader #bang chan fic #skz smut #skz fics

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ihavetogogh · 4 years

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alright, I wasn’t technically tagged in this, but @the-chesapeake-shipper did a vague-tag to all mutuals yesterday, and 🥺 I’m bored. thank u for ur generosity

rules: tag people you want to get to know better!

your name and then what you would have named yourself: well... coincidentally, i did choose my name a few years back. i’m darcy (yes, after mr. darcy. no, i do not regret it). HOWEVER there are times when i wish i had chosen a name that paid homage to my Japanese heritage. i recently learned that my mom had planned to name me kimiko hunaya and there are lots of days where i consider it because i know my great grandmother approved of it

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know): will someone at a higher level of gay please teach me how to do this stuff???? i’m a capricorn, but i don’t know if that’s sun, moon, or rising

when did you join tumblr and why?: oh god.... way too young? i think i made my first blog in eighth grade. so 2011. mostly because i wanted to be an edgy tween reblogging quotes

top five fandoms: i have to narrow it down? this list is in a constant flux but at this exact moment: nbc hannibal, star trek, tolkien (i cant bring myself to say lotr while the silmarillion still holds most of my heart), the man from uncle, and x-men (but exclusively for erik’s turtlenecks)

top five favorite films: the normal heart, princess mononoke, star trek: the voyage home, the phantom thread, and the pride and prejudice 5 part mini-series that we’re all going to pretend is a movie because i never watch movies...

go to song when you want to Feel something: depends on what i need to feel, but if we’re talking about Yearning(TM), lover please stay by nothing but thieves

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: i was raised mostly with catholic influences and some shintoism/buddhism. i vacillate between total nihilism and the concept of divinity in nature and the infinite cyclicality of energy and life??

a song that makes you feel seen: anything keaton henson has ever written? beekeeper is a very enduring song from when i was younger that still hits me right in the gut even if i dont feel the same way as i did back then. a more currently relevant song would be garden song by phoebe bridgers

if you could have any career: if i could be the person i want to be rather than the person that i am, i would be a university english professor, preferably at some old university where everything is a little drafty and the campus library has high ceilings and ghosts that stretch back to time immemorial. sharing a love for literature and storytelling has always appealed to me, and if i could, i would spend the rest of my life in academia

do you have a type: men who are too old for me and women who intimidate me 😔

what does your heart/soul yearn for?: faust. all i want right now is to sit down in my library with goethe, tchaikovsky playing in the background. where’s mephistopheles to give me a special witches brew so i have all the time in the world to glut on the passions of humanity?

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: book hoarding bisexual literature student???

favorite subject in school: english, but i also love history (especially art history)

where does your soul feel most at home?: sitting on the end of my grandparent’s crumbling dock, feet dangling in a lake that made it’s home in some scooped out part of the north cascade mountains. everything is still except the whisper of the air through the pine needles and the slap of water against the shore. my grandma and i had wine and charcuterie for lunch and now my grandpa’s talking about his painting—something that straddles the line between the familiar and the surreal. it’s a very comforting memory

top 5 fictional characters: aragorn, son of arathorn, king of gondor; hannibal lecter; jim kirk; thomasina from tom stoppard’s arcadia; lyra belaqua from his dark materials

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: did you mean when boromir dies in fellowship???? he’s such a tragic character, and sean bean was the perfect casting decision. uuuhmmmmm hannibal tenderly and erotically gutting will in his kitchen. it’s one hell of a sex scene, that. aaaand the ending of your lie in april. i have nothing else to say on the matter

the earth, the sun, the moon, or the stars: has to be the stars (moon, please forgive me....)

favorite kind of weather: when everything is poised on the edge of a storm. the air is perfectly still, and you can smell the rain and the lightning. the sun low enough that there’s nothing but a glow of light at the bottom of the cloud bank

top 3 characters you kin with: elizabeth bennett.... clearly; will graham.... less clearly; and leonard mccoy, ultimate mom friend

favorite medium of art: subtractive sculpture mediums, especially marble, and oil painting. give me all that classic art

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: i’m a big, dumb introvert

a favorite literary quote: i could... spend hours answering this. since i’m thinking of stoppard and his horribly underappreciated plays, we’ll go with my favorite quote from arcadia: “We shed as we pick up, like travellers who must carry everything in their arms, and what we let fall will be picked up by those behind. The procession is very long and life is very short. We die on the march. But there is nothing outside the march so nothing can be lost to it. The missing plays of Sophocles will turn up piece by piece, or be written again in another language. Ancient cures for diseases will reveal themselves once more. Mathematical discoveries glimpsed and lost to view will have their time again. You do not suppose, my lady, that if all of Archimedes had been hiding in the great library of Alexandria, we would be at a loss for a corkscrew?”

some of your favorite books: the hobbit (tolkien), cloud atlas (david mitchell), the goldfinch (donna tartt), broken monsters (lauren beukes), the amber spyglass (phillip pullman), the paper menagerie (ken liu), the vintner’s luck (elizabeth knox), wuthering heights (emily bronte), pride and prejudice (jane austen), lolita (vladimir nabokov), crimson petal in the white (michel faber), sharp objects (gillian flynn), life after life (kate atkinson), the picture of dorian gray (oscar wilde), arcadia (tom stoppard), faust (goethe)

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?: a townhouse in edinburgh scotland, someplace just big enough for all of my books and a dog and cat. or that town int he netherlands where there’s no cars and everyone gets around by boat. i don’t drive, so that sounds like such a dream??????

if you could live in any time in history, when would it be?: i don’t think i’d like living in any other time, honestly... as a nonbinary person... but i would love to pop into the victorian era for a visit. i want to sit in on a victorian salon, listen to poets read their work and look at art and just generally enjoy the beauty of it. but i wouldn’t like to live then for long

if you could play any instrument masterfully, which would it be?: the cello please and thank you

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to?: i vibe pretty hard with persephone...

oh my god, this is so long, but LASTLY, favorite recent selfie in your camera roll: two because why not?

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hello-hello-hello-hello · 3 years

Text

Please, please, please, read this. Please. I need help. I need really bad help. Someone. Please. Just. Respond. Say. Something.

I know that I am shamelessly begging here but I reallly need someone to just say something to me. To actually read all of this and respond, and care.

I am at the end of my ropes here. I can’t live like this anymore

Erm. Hi,

I randomly started this new tumblr because I needed a place to talk. I can’t keep this inside of me anymore and needed a space where people don’t know me, who I am.

It’s been really really really bad this past....I don’t even know where to start? Years? Months? Weeks?

I know, know I can’t keep this up but I don’t know how to stop. How to start being a functional person, every time I go back into my old habits and I know I can’t do that but at the same time I don’t stop.

....A lot of what I am going to say now is really bad stuff and I already feel anxious, self-conscious about saying it but I really need to get this out

It’s getting so bad and affecting my life and I know I need to change.

I don’t even remember the last time I showered. Must be months. Yes, yes. I know it’s absolutely disgusting and I hate it so much but every time, I push myself to shower. I never make that step. Always make another excuse and I hate hate it so much. I don’t know why I am like thsi. I want to shower. I want to clean but I never do it and I hate it.

I always put things last minute. All of my revision and exams. I wasn’t always like thsi. I was digilent and used to revise so hard but suddenly....it stopped. And now, I cram. And so last minute. And by, last minute, I’m not talking about the night before but literally two hours before. Walking to school, or on the bus. And it’s so so bad and I WANT TO STOP THIS

I want to revise properly before hand but everytime, I do an excuse Or I say, I will do it next time or. I think about how/what I will revise but never do it.

It’s not the distractions. Even when, all the distractions are gone. I cant bring myself to revise. I just. Sit there and do nothing!

It’s so fucking annoying. And I hate it. I don’t know why I waste time and everything like this

And every last minute, I always panic and get stress because!! I know I haven’t revised and I haven’t done the work because of my own fault but I still cry and panic like it wasn’t my fault and that i never meant to and I just hate myself so so so so much.

I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to get up. I don’t even get up to eat when I am hungry. I delay everything. I put everything to last minute. I don’t want to go outside. Every excuse I get, I stay in bed and make sure that I don’t get up.

And I waste time, reading and writing and doing all kind of shit that’s not proactive. I bury myself in entertainment to not think about my problems and everything

And I alwways sleep. I am always sleeping.

It’s not just that

There are days where I can’t bring myself to like anything. To feel anything. And everything becomes grey. I don’t care about anything. I just wanna sit and think about nothing, do nothing—I want time to pass

And I hate those moments. I hate them because there’s no feelings inside of me. I feel so...nothing.

And even, every time I stress or panic about a homework I didn’t do, or a test I didn’t revise for—I always get over it quickly. I dont care about it afterwards and go back into my old patterns and I HATE THAT

I don’t eat when I should. I’m starving and still, I can’t fucking get up to make myself something

I don’t know if it’s laziness. It feels like I am being lazy and that I am trying to find excuses, hiding behind labels

It feels like everything I do, I fail. I am doing everything wrong and I should care and o fucking care so much sometimes that I feel like I’m going to choke on it but sometimes I don’t care, I ignore it, I bury myself in distractions and it feels like it all goes away but—

—it never does.

I also just want to die. I have thought of countless ways of suicide. I don’t think my life means anything. I don’t think there’s a reason for me to life. I’m just drifting. I don’t have purpose or ambition like my friends or people. I don’t really want anything. I don’t want to put effort in for me to survive. I don’t want to put effort for me to live.

It just seems like so much for nothing. A waste of anything.

But I can’t die. I cant bring myself to do that last thing. I always google or the ways to die, if it will hurt. The easiest.

And. The thing is, I hate pain. I hate pain so much. So I have never self-harmed. I just want a quick and harmless death but I am scared, I don’t think I can die like this. Just overdose, there’s so many possibilities that my head is running through that makes me stop

But i never stop thinking about it. Living my life, hoping that some car would kill me or that I would die before I finish my a levels. Before I do my proper exams.

I just don’t want to live

I don’t want to put in effort for anything. I don’t care about anything.

Of course, I want to get good results but I don’t care. I don’t care. I honestly chose a levels because of the law that you had to continue studying ‘till 18, but I don’t think I can do this anymore

I am barely scraping by

I am not doing the hwk properly. I procrastinate every minute. And get so fucking scared and stress out at how I am not doing work

And I don’t feel anything. Sometimes I feel so damn numb and I hate it

I hate everything

I hate my life

I want to go to therapy, I want to try it but I can’t bring myself to make that step. I don’t want to ask my mom, because I don’t think she’ll understand—just think i am being lazy. And I don’t know how to talk about this. About myself to real life people.

I never did before

But I know this can’t be going on

I know I can’t live like this

That I shouldn’t be wanting to live like this

I just feel like if I ever tell someone, they’re not going to get it. They are not going to understand, they aren’t....

They just going to look at that the bad stuff and say how disgusting I am (I know I know I know) I just—

It thought of many way I would tell people in my head but I could never bring it up in real life. I hate it. I hate the way I am. The way I am living. I hate how unhigenic I am. I hate how dirty my room is. I hate how passive I am.

But I don’t know how to tell someone, I don’t know how to speak to people about this

I don’t think they will get it, or if they will understand and not judge me for how disgusting my lifestyle is

I don’t want to live. At all. But I can’t even have that, I can’t even have that and I hate everything so much

I used to be religious and pray and believe in God and now that has left me too and I can’t ever bring that subject to my Mom or family because religion is a big thing in my life and family and they wouldn’t never understand at how I can’t bring myself to care about anything

And that....I don’t want to go to Hell. What if there is a Hell? What if there is a God? I don’t want to die and then be damned for all enertiny in hell and pain and agony

This may seem like a petty thing but how the heck do you know which religion is the correct one. How do you live. There’s so many things and I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t want to die and then, go to hell. I hate that I was alive in the first place, I wish I never was born. I wish that I could die right now

I just don’t know how to live anymore

I am misssed a lot of school too. I was really ill for the past two weeks but I am not right now and I have a major test today but I am missing that because I haven’t properly revised and I am losing panic over that. And I haven’t even eaten properly this whole....I don’t even know. Year? Years?

Please, I just want someone to tell me how to stop this

I don’t even think that people are even going to read to here

But. If you did. Thank you so much, for taking your time. I really appreciate it. It means so much.

Also I know that if I didn’t get anything down right now, I will just get over this moment of panic and crying and stuff and that the best moment, I will bury it and then convince myself that everything is fine and good

But it’s not

I can’t live like this anymore

I don’t want to

I really reallly rellly want to tell someone but I can’t. I cant bring myself. When I ever I think of actually telling someone, I have the worst feeling ever like my life would be over and I will never be able to get over this if I do that. That everything will change and that I can’t take that back

And I am so scared and hate that so much

There’s so many things that can go wrong and bad and I want to say here. I want to stay here in bed and not take that step. Because either way, I think it’s going to go bad. And this way, thsi way with me not spilling to someone and being lien thsi...

It feels way better

I don’t want to admit to it, to someone reall, someone in real life because that means that....exposing myself. And I can’t do that. I cant. I cant I cant

I did try once. For something minisule. A thoughts that’s being bothering me and I couldn’t even say it. I had to write it down and still, I was trembling and feeling so worse but did do it.

I don’t think that I can do for something as big as this

I don’t want to tell my mom—forget my dad, I could never think of telling him anything about this. We are not close at all—or my siblings, or family.

The people/person I have in mind are my friends. If I said that there was something wrong. They would take me seriously and listen. But thing is.... I don’t want to burden them. I don’t want to burden them but also I don’t want to tell them this because I feel like it’s too much?? Like I feel like it’s not something that is acceptable. Not showering or brushing teeth or not cleaning my room that’s fucking disgusting.

How could I tell anyone that?

How could I face someone after I confess that?

My family already knows I am like that but they think I am being so lazy and what not. And I don’t think I can just go up to my mom and say I can’t psychically bring myself to do that and I want to do but I can’t and I don’t know why

....it’s so honest. Too real. It has weight.

And i don’t fucking know what to do

I want anyone, anyone please at least to say something? Anything?

That’d be a great start

That’d be really nice

Just. Anything

Please

#mental health #mental health problems #need help #please #someone say something #anything #anime #architecture #art #beauty #kpop

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gangtheway · 4 years

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42 45 50 gogogo

42. do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa?

i do both simultaneously. but given that im sitting all day at work, i flop on couches like no other. then slep.

45. favorite pajamas?

some kinda sweatpant/pj pant with pockets (not flannel unless its actually cold out) and a tshirt from somewhere that was giving out free tshirts at some point in my life.

shirt n socks optional depending on temperature

50. what’s your dreamhouse?

i am constantly flip flopping between extravagant mansion with hidden passages and secret rooms/ small house within walking distance to a supermarket where i can just lock myself in, emerging only for supplies on an annual basis.

but see a big house is harder to clean and also im gonna be living alone and at that point the only upside is the acoustics of a big house for dramatic speeches to a dog.

definitely needs a slot for mail and packages. maybe a smart fridge so i stop eating spoiled food. roomba for cleaning up. A/C and heater is a must. black-out curtains bc fuckt he sun.

aaaa i want a library even though i havent read an actual book in YEARS. mostly so i can hide doors behind bookshelves. Oh. I could put a whole fucking maze behind bookshelves just for funsies since this is a dream house. I will build a hidden labyrinth for brooding and also maybe so when i die no one can find my body until a couple of intrepid teens happen upon it years later and go on an adventure.

oh you know what lets put a big ol tv in here somewhere for games. and like 50 really good computers incase i break one. homeless people can come into the computer room and use them. there’s free laptops and phones for them too. they came with the house shhh. there’s a 3d printer.

one room has the entire library of alexandria in it. i saved it by making a time paradox and now its in my house that can be filleld with literally anything. i cant read any of them though bc im dumb. so there’s like a scientist chilling in my house too i guess.

one room opens to space. just as an option. yes there is an endless vacuum behind this door and yes it will kill me instantly but its fuckign SPACE. i can shoot shit through a vacuum tube to go into space too. i shoot all my embarrassing poetry adn art into space and the aliens make a religion about them. im the 7th grade god now.

oh yeah theres a room filled with money. actually its a corridor full of doors that lead into the bank accounts of the rich. like the physical versions of them. i use this corridor to become robin hood and finally find fulfillment in life. i steal all the crown jewels and send them to their countries of origin. OH and also doors into museums. im gonna do crimes of culture. save the cultures. give them their art back. and leave a calling card with just a crude drawing of a dick at the museum. i become known as the cock crusader but SURPRISE i didnt have a cock this whole time its the perfect crime.

theres another room thats a straight up time machine. i go into the past and un-birth hitler. i seduce his mom/dad/grandpappy and then also matchmake them to randos. i proceed to appear at various points in history as a mythical creature. i m the mothman i predict the tragedies now.

i have a room of spiders. i throw my enemies in there. i dont really have any enemies yet. i hope one day i will so i dont waste the spider room.

theres probably a pool somewhere too. it’s filled with the cure for all disease but it doesnt work unless you have less than 1 million dollars of material wealth. i dont make the rules. the pool does.

at least one room is noneuclidean. i dont know how it works either so take it up with god

theres a room with real pokemon. no mr mimes though bc he freak me out. tbh its mostly pikachus bc im basic af with my faves and pikachu herds sound adorable and i will die.

another room is like. a room where you go and talk to people who died. not like a dedicated ouija room. thats in the bomb shelter. no like you sit at a table and their soul just floats on over and theres a hologram and everything.

i have a ton of robots. theyre all vaguely sexy. they make me uncomfortable but i am irresponsible with my power

one room has a megaphone. when you speak into it it doesnt make any noise but instead it beams your voice into the mind of who youre thinking of. i use it to brighten the days of my friends and destroy the psyches of my enemies. still dont have any enemies yet. would it be overkill to do this in addition to the spiders?

there is an attic filled with mannequins. this is my nightmare room. i never go there and i pretend it doesnt exist. when someone wanders in there, their heads follow their movement wordlessly. they dont do anything but its really unnerving and no one likes it.

there is a completely soundproof room that i go into and make whatever noises i want. no one can hear me here. i practice doing accents where no one can hear how bad and ashamed i am. even with no one else listening, i get self-conscious. this room is now the Screaming Room for makign stress noises in.

one room is filled with conversation starter cards and a mirror. i go here and study often. the cards ask me about my childhood traumas and i burn them. the room is now a room for pep-talks. i get self-conscious halfway through the peptalk and walk out, dejected. why is talking so hard.

one room opens into a ranch. it’s where we put all the shelter pets. there are therapy areas for them so they learn love and be loved again. they run in large open areas and are happy and fuzzy and clean and full. it’s staffed by people who know how toactually take care of animals. i go there sometimes to get swarmed by big ol dogs and big ol cats and so many fuzzy babies. then i go to the allergy removal room bc i didnt think that through.

there’s a never-ending food room. i dont know where it comes from or how fully-prepared food just appears like that. world hunger is ended and im still a lazy shit and forget to eat more than a single tortilla. the food doesnt make you sick or unhealthy its just good food that tastes good and feels good and is good. there is maybe an onion corner and i dont acknowledge its existence aside from the occassional glance.

theres a dumb bitch dungeon for the people i have a one-sided hatred for who ruin life for the entire planet. it shoots off into space. they get dissected and analyzed by aliens. the aliens decide to never come to earth bc jfc is this really what yall do. a small price to pay. maybe other aliens might come and be chill. i have a room for the aliens just in case.

theres other houses for people i care about and a few more for those i dont yet know that i care about. no rent. just a place to live and be happy. its filled with friends and happiness and i really want this eldritch abomination of a house now.

im v sleepy OH YEAH AND A RLY BIG CRAFT ROOM

#answerin asks #this got outta hand #dream house means dream house which means literally limited by my imagination adn the depths of my psyche #we dont talk about nightmare room it is a bad dream and thats all there is to say #rambleramble #poketoa #asked n answered

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wetbananapeel · 4 years

Text

Since no one sees this anymore and things don't really matter I am going to vent. I am really fucking tired. Of life. And I hate this because I should be out living my life and I feel so stifled in every aspect. I want to move I want to have my own place and have a hoe phase and have a college experience. But I can't. I am stuck at home. I report to my parents. I can't seem to do anything that is good for me. I am talking to a guy and he was ghosting me today and my stupid brain is like "he doesn't like you anymore. He has lost interest. He thinks your ugly." I am really wanting to go on a date with him but I feel so inferior. I think I have a okay face, but my body is vile to me. And even though I am loosing weight and have lost 20-25 lbs. I am still fat and obese. You can't tell. I can't tell. No one has mentioned anything. The virus isn't helping. I am staying up and sleeping in and my routine is jacked. I don't go to the gym. I haven't left the house in two weeks. Everyone else has an mom is flipping regulating me because of my health issues and all I want to do is listen to sad music and cry but I cant seem to cry. I am doing things I know aren't good for me and I am stressed over this whole relationship thing and I feel awful and I don't want to be here. I am really trying hard to not fall into the same path of depression that I have worked so hard to get out of. Even now I am thinking of SH and it has been years. Like four years since I have done that and I am not relapsing now. I can't break that streak. I can't . I am scared and feel so lost. Graduation is cancelled and I just want to walk on the stage but I cant. I want to make something of myself but I feel like I can't and all efforts I have made are not worthy of anything. I feel like I am waisting my time and I can't do anything. I feel confined to my house. To my current life. To my parents. To my religion. I am having doubts and I can't seem to get a grip. I feel like I am falling into an illusion and I can't seem to bring myself to believe it but at the same time I do. I don't want to work with children but I feel like I have to or else I disappoint people. I don't want to minister to people cause I am not where I need to be. The tears are coming and they are dried now. I can't sleep. I am really trying to not restrict what I am eating as well. I really want to shave my head and be bald so I can't hide behind my hair anymore. I want to do all of these things but I feel like my weight, family, and religion are holding me back and it all just sucks right now. I can't find motivation to do anything people want me to. I am hungry but I won't eat now. I have a work meeting tomorrow and I need to take a shower. I am listening to my sad song playlist on Spotify and I am trying to not listen to the songs that I used to listen to when I get like this because I really don't need to SH even though it would be so easy to. I hate that it is even crossing my mind. It's hot in my room. And stuffy and stifling to be in. I want to go outside and see the sunrise but I can't do that. I never can without being questioned from other people. I just want to have my own space to live and I can't afford to and I can't get out of here and it is driving me crazy. I need to make a map to get out by 22 at the latest. I need to leave. I can't be here. I try art but I suck late at night. I can't relapse but I think about it a lot right now. I need to go to bed . It will be better in the morning.

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tiredqueertranarchist · 5 years

Text

There this feeling I've never been able to escape that somehow i'm too fundamentally strange to exist.

It subsided a little when I began to hang out with other queer and neurodivergent people, but these days it's out in full force

I'm not sure if it's because i'm usually the only brown person in the room, or because of trauma, or because I find myself inherently digusting and out of place, but like

I cant get rid of it

And how I am recieved in public as a visibly disabled visibly gnc brown person doesn't help. It's a weird combination of thing that both make me seem threatening and completely harmless, and the fact I dress like an edgy clown is something i'm not sure how to factor in. It's not quite as dangerous as it used to be, but I certainly get stares. My ex-psychiatrist said I was just paranoid, but behind my suglasses I catch people looking all the time. They dont even bother hide it mostly.

I don't really seem to fit in anywhere, not in terms of gender, race, religion, political opiniin, orientations, ability, or most other things. And certainly not in the combination I am. I wonder what it'd be like to have people who match you, at least for the most part. There seem to be some for me online (maybe), but few and far between.

Social justice seems to focus on easy lines and clear cut categories of people, so I cant really find relief in that either.

Nothing really exists, it's all just constructed, etc., but it's something to see everyone comfortably tethered when you're stuck floating around, whether you like it or not.

Anyway im tired and dissociating lmao

#personal

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reverthelp · 5 years

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I was born and raised an Atheist. All of my family are against my interests with the religion. I have to hide my interest and rarely have chance to read and search for material to understand more about the religion. It has been hard, with my belief in Allah, what shall I do? Not with my family but with myself first. Can you suggest some trustworthy material online that I can access in? Thank you, much love? Allah blesses is all.

Hello!

You should focus on the most important part of Islam first which is believing that “There is only one God and that Prophet Mohammad is the final Prophet”

Please keep in mind that Islam was completed in 23 years. Allah sent the Qur'an part by part and over time…one of the wisdoms behind this was that Allah wanted to change the society slowly. Thats is why dramatic rules such as forbidding alcohol and wearing hijab came in Madinah time with is after 13+ years of Prophecy. Most companions of the Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) did not know all the rules of islam at the beginning. They accepted that there is only one God and Prophet Mohammad is the final prophet. Learning the rules and practicing came after. I see most people think that you have to know everything in order to take shahadah which was not the case during Prophet’s time. Taking shahadah and learning along the way was the correct way. You cant know everything about islam and you cant digest it at once…Going slowly is crucial. However, going slowly does not mean postponing the shahadah. If you believe in the shahadah, say it and learn and then start practicing.

Here is a point that might help you:

When Qur'an mentions the believers, it says:“those who believe and do good, righteous deeds” (Asr 3)

Allah never just says: THOSE WHO BELIEVE…

Always adds after “And DO GOOD and RIGHTEOUS DEEEDS

But look at the order though:

First Belief  Then Good deeds

This shows us that one HAS to first establish the belief and then worry about doing good deeds as salah, not sinning etc.

Please ask yourself:

Do you believe there is only one God and that Prophet Mohammad is the final prophet?

If the answer to this question is YES, it mean your heart is ready to say the shahadah.

Here are some ISLAM 101 info:

https://reverthelp.tumblr.com/post/131380239661/hello-can-you-provide-me-some-information-about

PROOF OF ISLAM IS THE TRUE RELIGION

https://reverthelp.tumblr.com/post/134232215251/is-there-anything-that-can-prove-islam-is-the

BASIC ISLAMIC PHRASES

http://reverthelp.tumblr.com/post/135488859781/islam-101-basic-islamic-phrases

HOW TO TELL PARENTS YOU REVERTED

http://reverthelp.tumblr.com/post/125417380331/how-do-i-tell-my-parents-and-family-ive-become-a

EXISTENCE OF GOD:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/167969951950/basics-of-islam-existence-and-oneness-of-god

ORIGIN OF EXISTENCE:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/168569844376/basics-of-islam-origin-and-existence

ATTRIBUTES OF ALLAH:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/168073585355/basics-of-islam-allah-god-almighty

QURAN:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/168353943800/basics-of-islam-quran-questions

REFLECTIONS on the QUR’AN:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/175154668366/basics-of-islam-reflections-on-the-quran

PROPHET MOHAMMAD (pbuh)

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/176294090835/everything-you-need-to-know-about-prophet-muhammad

SALAH:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/167899110145/basics-of-islam-salah-ritual-prayer-in-islam

HOW TO MAKE DUA TIPS:

https://reverthelp.tumblr.com/post/170031131701/islam-101-how-to-make-dua-tips

RAMADAN AND FASTING:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/173983201605/basics-of-islam-fasting-ramadan

JESUS IN ISLAM:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/170564257540/jesus-in-islam

WOMEN IN ISLAM:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/172229563595/basics-of-islam-women-in-islam

THE FEMALE COMPANIONS OF THE PROPHET (pbuh)

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/175609175770/the-female-companions-of-the-prophet-pbuh

ISLAMIC PRACTICE:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/171990402845/basics-of-islam-islamic-practice

MORALS AND MANNERS:

https://basicsofislam.tumblr.com/post/172095078205/basics-of-islam-morals-and-manners

SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY IN ISLAM:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/169459615106/basics-of-islam-science-and-technology-in-islam

DESTINY AND FREE WILL:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/170031415141/basics-of-islam-destiny-and-free-will

QUESTIONS ON THE UNSEEN:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/170144611216/basics-of-islam-questions-on-the-unseen

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/172178967636/basics-of-islam-frequently-asked-questions-and

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS:

http://wisdomrays.tumblr.com/post/174378250196/basics-of-islam-questions-answers

Please send us an IM so we help you put things into perspective

All the best

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abinghospital · 5 years

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Suddenly

I have never been one for romance.

You see, I dont think about the chance of finding someone to spend my life with.

I always thought it was stupid.

Giving yourself up and calling it love? Sharing somebody else’s pain when you are not even sane enough to battle your own. Don’t you know you can spend your life alone and be equally as complete?

I believe we aren’t puzzles and pieces or ghosts that would meet because destiny said so.

My heart stays in my chest.

I think its always best to keep it where its safe than sorry.

Forget lonely, think settled or secure and less insecure about your body. Looking at your hands thinking why are they so tiny to fill the gaps between his.

I dont understand how you could miss someone so bad you transform into bits or fists of violent sobs.

Or think a kiss holds something more than just a promise.

Honestly, I would rather sleep.

But we met.

Your hair was wet and jet black and suddenly I felt myself sumbit to this kind of heart attack I have never felt before.

Unsure of this sudden urge to just drop everything and soar with the fire building up in my gut.

And my heart wont stop beating.

I was a car with no destination, high in the sensation, not caring where this highway would take me.

It was dumb crazy, wild insanity- yet somehow everything seems clear in the rear-view mirror,

the things I was willing to leave knowing you’re in the passenger seat.

I admit, I was scared. I lost my sense of thinking. Unaware that my ship was slowly sinking in your ocean eyes.

And suddenly I can memorize, the intervals between your breathing.

The meaning of each tattoo, the reason behind every scar.

Your body became my altar

You, a religion I would kneel down to worship.

We dived deep into a sea we know nothing about. Embarked on a trip.

You gripped my hips for support when you explored the dark holes of the galaxies you see in me.

You made me feel celestial, said there were constellation in the linings of my palms.

I found calm inside your mouth, in the chaos of our tongues twisting like our lungs can hold out breaths for more than 10 minutes. Like our throats sang answers. Our kisses became love letters, our bodies stationary cards. And everyday, we wrote to each other. Making wishes on passing cars.

Its hard to let this go but I never thought I had to. You always tasted the same, certainty and mint candy and “Please stay forever in my arms.” I was willing to.

But you left.

My eyes were wet and the skies were black. And suddenly I cant take back every piece of me you took.

My smile, my laugh, my dreams and hopes. Our book. The one we wrote after our own love story. Now abondoned, in a box, somewhere collecting dusts. My trust.

The vows we made under the blankets, the sunset was our only witness.

“I love you and I vow to love you more when its easy. And most when its tough. You are enough to build a home with. I vow to always stay by your side, to hide all the sharp objects. To protect this kingdom we created. I vow to cherish the greatest gift God has ever given me. Baby, thank you for letting me believe in love.”

So how did this happen? When did we began hating each other so much to burn the bridges we turned into sidewalks where we learned how to dance with only the sound of our own heartbeats?

I wish we never met and I am certain Im someone you deeply regret loving. Because now were banging both our heads on walls.

And I am trying to forget, the days I spent familiarizing your scent just incase I lose you. And I did.

But instead, we rid ourselves of each others memories. Turned everything into tragedies of phone calls unanswered and apologies unheard.

This is my third bottle of whiskey but I can still see you in my mind clear as the day you walked away from my life like leaving me behind was a conscious decision you never second guessed.

It was best to keep my heart inside my chest. I knew this. So why did I let you break down my defenses?

#literature #poetry #word #spilled ink #thoughts #poets on tumblr #prose

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prttyrockstar · 5 years

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time to post abt my extremely vivid dreams bc i love talking abt them and theyre fun

OK SO. theres this house ive seen ONLY in my dreams and im literally obsessed with it. what does it mean?? where is it?? i should keep a dream journal. ANYWAYS the first dream had my family moving into it. i cant remember the reason why now but it was really neat. porch into living room. kitchen and dining room. upstairs was bedrooms, a closet and an almost library kind of area? theres also the attic which is my room. you can see downstairs from upstairs bc of railing and whatever. theres a garage too which isnt a part of it and theres a yard between it and the house? thats important later. so i know this place now. i know exactly how it looks. my mom tries to kill me. i know shes coming but she knows the house too. i go behind a wall in the closet and now im in a secret library. books up to the ceilings, super tall, super dusty, split into three sections and i hide there from my mom. when i heard her leave the house to look for me i woke up which is :0. SECOND DREAM this is the only one im not me. im adam saw. Kin Memories. same house and im running from zepp i guess?? maybe im running from my mom again but im running from someone. this time its night and im sneaking around. hrrnn jay im trying to sneak past zepp but im dummy thick and the sound of my ankle chain keeps alerAnyways. i end up hiding in the secret library room again and i wait there. theres a timer. i have to escape zepp within a while. it feels like resident evil but ive never played resident evil. at some point i know hes passed so i run out and hes shooting at me as im leaving the house but i get into the car and drive it into the garage. i crash but im ok i guess. i escape. i wake up and go THE HOUSE and immediately go back to sleep. THIRD DREAM. im at my nans with my sister. she asks me if i want to go home. i go yeah. then she decides to have a party at the house. when they come down this girl who looks like a girl in my writing goes “oh i wouldnt have come if i knew you were going to be here.” and i >:’0 and we’re back in the house and im chilling for a bit but her friends start to get mad at me for being there. im chilling theyre smoking in the yard (my sister does NOT smoke) but theyre mad. so they come inside and one of them starts ripping my pants up and i run upstairs and im like oh my god?? secret library?? obviously BUT SOME RANDOM WOMAN HAULS ME TO THE SIDE AND INTO A NEW ROOM. IM VERY SCARED. this room is like almost a worship room?? like a church but condensed?? now im terrified of religion in my dreams bc im so scared its like an actual god talking to me so i sit in the corner for a bit and cry and THEN this camp counselor from the camp i work at tried to throw me out the window so uh. Big L. thanks for reading i hope forcing myself to recall all of this will make me have another house dream.

#tapes #its long bc im literally OBSESSED

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ventingoutmyass · 5 years

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2.15.18

Most people understand what it means to miss who a person used to be rather than who they currently are. I, personally, have not really experienced this until this last year.

I want to tell you about this person first. She was a glowing star in my life. She was handed a terrible life and a neglectful family. She was ten years old when we first met. She hasn't been really affected by her environment yet. She still had her childhood innocence, she wanted to have fun and make friends and play games.

She was eleven when she became my best friend. We shared a sixth grade classroom and lots of friends came and went. We struggled through the hardships of middle school together, but there was always a lot more going on at home for both of us. My parents were getting divorced and my life was falling from under me, while her family put more pressure on her and began to crush her into a little ball in the corner, flinching at any sudden movement.

When I moved to a new school district for high school, she convinced her parents to let her come with me. It was a long drive for them and things kept getting worse at home. At one point her mom told her not to bother, because in high school we would find other friends and forget about eachother. It made her really upset and she called me, crying. I told her that the only way that would happen is if we both let it. I told her I wouldnt let it. It was our freshman year that her parents separated and through the mess she lived with me for a while. She slept on couch cushions next to my twin size bed for three weeks before her mom demanded to take her home.

Junior year was the first time we had started to drift apart. I remembered back to that phone call, I started to cry. It was the kind of drifting that even though we saw eachother everyday, the connection we always had was loose. Then, the semester came with the one and only class we ever had together, US history. We sat right next to eachother and our connection strengthened again. I was extremely grateful to have her.

One thing I forgot to mention is that my friend comes from a Muslim household. They had become very americanized over the years, especially after the parents split. The kids werent very in touch with their culture or religion and never prayed. The only real signs I'd seen of their religion til this point is that their mom wore a hijab, and they celebrated Eid. I also knew that every couple years they would visit family in Iraq over the summer.

My friend was a good kid. She was responsible and caring and had so much love to give the world. We wanted to go to medical school and become a pediatrician because she loves kids more than I've seen anyone love anything before.

In January of 2017 she decided that she needed a break. She left to Iraq for seven months. I made a scrapbook for her before she left, to remind her of all the people who love her back at home. If I can find a picture of it I'll post it here as well.

She came back in the beginning of August. She has learned a lot more about her religion and spoke Arabic a lot more. She also decided she wanted to wear her hijab seriously, not just while visiting family.

In mid-August, she met a boy. And to be honest with you, it all goes downhill from there.

In December of 2017 my friend took a pregnacy test. When it came up positive, she decided to go to a GYN office and take a professional test. When that test came out negative, she began taking birth control and went about her life like nothing happened.

In March of 2018, she decided to take another test. It came out positive. She again went to see a doctor. The doctor told her that she was eleven weeks pregnant.

A lot happened in March. A lot of negligence on her part. She decided to embrace the pregnancy, despite being Muslim and un-married. She made a little blue chest she used as a box to hold a pair of baby shoes, she used this as an announcement. I decided to play along for a day and drive her around to everyone she loved most to reveal the big news. She hadnt told her parents for obvious reasons and my mom sat at home, terrified for her.

In late March her boyfriends mom took it upon herself to reveal the news to my friends parents. My friend called me that night, pleading, sobbing. My mom and I jumped in the car and drove as fast as we could to her moms house where they were. For two hours my mom tried to explain the situation and calm them down and figure out ways to handle the situation while I held my friend as she cried. We couldnt take her home that night like we planned, like we wanted to.

My friend never took our advice. My friend never listened to anything that I or my mom had to say. She only listened to people who didnt know the severity of the situation. Because they said what she wanted to hear. She wanted to lead a normal life with her baby and boyfriend and to keep her siblings and distant family as well. Realistically, there was no possible way to have it all. She didnt want to hear that.

I went with her for the consultation. Her parents wanted her to have an abortion. Her dad, in fact, wanted the abortion and then to ship her off to China where she would get sewn back together, like she never lost her virginity. Luckily, my mom talked him out of that option. I told my friend that the only way to keep the baby is to go into hiding. To leave everything behind and go where nobody could find her or the baby, I gave her options. I told her where she could go who could take care of her. Endless numbers of people we knew reached out to help. She refused. She wanted her family too.

It became too much. I wasnt able to focus on my own life. I was spending too much emotional and physical energy and she wasnt listening to anything I had to say, any good advice I had, any option I gave her. She wanted what she wanted and there was nothing else in her eyes. It was every minute of every day that I was thinking and hoping and praying for her. I gave up. I couldnt handle the stress anymore.

She had the abortion against her wishes. Two months later she flew out to Iraq, she wanted to be away from her parents for a couple months.

My friend left in May of 2018. In September, she said she would come back home in October or November.

She hasn't come home. She has no plans of coming home. She hasn't spoken to me since. She texted my mom last month to ask about her taxes, because she worked for my mom for a while, and nothing else.

Life has done nothing but tear her down. I was one of the only good things she had and life forced her away from me.

I miss my best friend. I miss her smile and happiness. I miss hanging out with our friends and going bowling and shopping at stores that we didnt have the money for. I miss her every single day. We would be approaching ten years of friendship this fall. I cant express in words how much I miss her smile. Her smile was the biggest relief off my shoulders growing up. No matter how hard life was and how much she hated herself and how bad she wanted to die some days. Her smile made me feel like she could be okay. Her smile told me that time would one day give her all the smiles and laughs that she deserves, for all the ones she missed growing up.

But life doesnt have happy endings

I still have the little blue chest in the trunk of my car. Along with the baby clothes I had bought for her. I cant bring myself to give them away

#everything i didn't say #lost frienship

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witchfulmarigold · 6 years

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Unsupportive Parent Post

Living the in-the-broom-closet life

It’s can be hard to navigate sometimes. I write all this to any of my followers on here who are in a similar situation. Below are some things that I do to cope with living pagan in (somewhat) secret and the frustration that comes with it:

1. breathe, take a deep breath. While you are in the situation, breathe. Know that you are loved, your parent loves you and is just naive to how the world actually works.

2. find your community. Whether local or online. I have a friend that I can text no matter what about pagan stuff (or life stuff!) and she can text me too. I met her on here and I am so glad I have someone that is only a text away. @softrabbitstory <3

3. find a way to process. Not processing your feelings is toxic. Whether you need to go mow the lawn and think everything through, go for a run or walk, write, paint, craft, therapy. Find some time to process your feelings.

4. understand there is only so much you can do. I find solace in “ it is what it is.” I also find myself repeating “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to change the things I can.” It helps.

5. find little ways to incorporate your items in your living space. I am lucky in that I am an adult and have somewhat my own space. I had my altar set up in my room behind my door. Now with the baby on the way it’s not practical to have precious space dedicated solely to my altar. I moved my bookshelf in it’s place and set up my altar around it.

6. let go of your idea of paganism. you don’t NEED a grimoire. If you want one but have to hide it...maybe it’s not the best idea to keep a physical one. Perhaps a private online one is better for the time being. Perhaps not having one and accepting that now just isn’t the best time to have one. It may seem harsh but it doesn't mean you cant have one in the future. Same with physical items that you may “need” for witchcraft. Candles, rocks/crystals, figures, supplies ect. Any good witch on here will tell you they aren’t needed. What’s needed is you.

Before I get too deep in this. I want to state a couple things. First: I am an adult (28,) Married, 4 months pregnant, Ordained Minister, I grew up in a Christian home, I rent the upstairs from my mom.

Lately I've been struggling with my life as a pagan because while husband and I are openly pagan to our friends, my mother does not, and cannot know. What's a 28 year old pregnant witch renting the upstairs out from her mom to do?

My mom is a sweet, loud, and amazing person. She has been through hell and back and it has only made her faith stronger. She quite literally has the voice of an angel and sings her heart out for the Lord. I, however, have very eclectic views of my religious experience here on earth. Do I pray to God? Sure...but is it the same God that my mom prays to? Not so much. Do I respect the shit out of the Christian religion? Yes, even though I find it incredibly frustrating sometimes.

IF my mom were to find out about me, a number of things could happen: 1. She will feel that she failed in raising me (a big part of Christianity is making sure your families and friends all know the word of the Lord.) 2. She may ask me to leave her home ( I think this is the extreme of all these options, she loves me very much, she just doesn’t have the capacity to accept how I am) 3. She will absolutely not understand or be willing to understand.

Here is the MOST FRUSTRATING PART: My mom is super spiritual. She loves getting her tarot read, and goes to mediums. SHE LOVES IT. She asks me all the time to read her tarot. Yet any mention of a witch or someone who doesn't align to her Christian beliefs she pokes fun at or gets scared. I correct these behaviors as much as I can...but without stating MOM STOP I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. There’s only so much I can do.

Example: This pregnancy. It is such a blessing. My mom is ecstatic! I have a great OBGYN practice and Dr. But there is no guarantee that my Dr. will be available at the time of birth so I decided to shop for Doulas. My mom was like OMG IS THAT A WITCH DOCTOR?!? and kept making a big joke about it. I even told her that the Doula group I choose is a Christian based one (I choose this in anticipation of my mother’s reaction.)

You might be thinking, “Bea, come on. You’re an adult. Tell her and get it over with.” I love my mom and wish that I could be open with her. But as an adult, I recognize that it will break her heart, and would cause really more drama than I think is necessary. I am blessed to have friends that accept me the way I am and a husband who’s beliefs mostly align with mine and is open to whatever I want to believe and do. But I think it isn’t worth telling my mom and dealing with the consequences of that.

My inbox is open to you, if you want to vent, tell me your stories or just talk. Don’t be lonely babes. We can be in this together.

*this isn't to diminish any other struggles any other person is going through and specific to pagans and my struggle with it. Please don’t take offense to anything stated. Of course I don’t know your struggles personally and don’t mean to upset anyone.

#witch #pagan #broom closet #hiding #true self #wicca #witches #help #lets talk #friends #broom #grimoire #community

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nataliecrown · 7 years

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4x03 - The Four Horsemen (The 100)

So, my thoughts on 4x03 are coming without a rewatch and in a much broader fashion. I simply don't have time to do my usual this week. This post covers Polis and Arkadia. I'll cover Bellarke separately. Onwards! POLIS - One of the coolest things about this episode was that I suddenly realised there were ten minutes left and that we hadn't seen bellarke. Cool why? Because I was enjoying myself so much that I didn't notice. - That isn't to say that the Polis portion of the episode was perfect so I'll launch in with my nitpicks. - The Polis throne room is a goddamn curse. I cannot wait for that damn tower to be wiped out of existence. Lexa was a lesser character when confined to Polis. Clarke was a lesser character there. And now Roan is. I already can't wait for him to either say fuck it, or be overthrown so he can actually start being an active character. It's like the throne room induces passivity. And also... - STUPIDITY. I hate it when writers make a character stupid to suit their plot. If the Flame is so important to maintaining Roans control, he should have it with him at all times. How did Gaia steal it? And even if it wasn't on him, surely it was up at the top of the tower SURROUNDED BY GUARDS? - HOW DID GAIA STEAL IT? - Stupid. - My final nitpick is Octavia's new nickname! Ever read the Throne of Glass books? One of my greatest frustrations reading those books (even when I loved the series) was the idea that Celeana was both the best assassin ever and also super famous. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. If you're a brilliant assassin NOBODY SHOULD KNOW. If people are calling Octavia death from above or whatever, that means she's a god awful assassin (which, in terms of realism re. time spent training WOULD be more realistic) and that's clearly not what the writers are going for. - On to the good, and there was plenty! Like, ALL of the Octavia ships. Niytavia for life, but it's pretty clear that Octillian is coming and I'm here for it. Also super down with Roctavia. ALL OF THE SHIPS. - GAIA WAS WONDERFUL. I wasn't shocked by the Indra reveal but I was VERY HAPPY BOUT IT. I can't wait to unpack more from these two characters and their relationship. And I'm really glad to see religion being brought into the season. There is so much material left to cover in that regard. I'm intrigued to see how the religion/tech destroyers arcs will continue to merge. - I will freely admit that I believed they had smashed the chip. Was kinda disappointed when I realised. - I LOVE THE WAY THEY HANDLED GAIA AND OCTAVIA. The fact that they ended the episode being all smiley and cute with each other is wonderful. The temptation would be to have them hate each other out of jealousy in regards to their relationships with Indra. But it was just love! So much love! - I love Octavia's devotion to Indra. It was nice to see the softer side of O again this week. A bit like it was a relief to see that she is still 'with' her people in 4x01. I'm sure her choice will backfire at some point, as all choices on this show do, but I'm glad she made it. - Family. Octavia had to be thinking of Bellamy in that scene. I don't know what the Blakes are building to this season, but I think it's good that they are apart (till next week?) and I'm looking forward to seeing where they end up. ARKADIA - I LOVE what they did with Raven in this episode. Even in the Bravenlarke scenes, the framing isolated her. Bellarke together, Raven apart. And the working alone, visually hiding behind a visor and noise as she works. Raven has always responded to pressure and fear with a spark and a bite. That is magnified here x 100000 because the weight of the literal world is on her shoulders. - The scene with Abby is gut wrenching. Partly because I love their relationship so much, and also because they are both right! The situation sucks. Ultimately, Raven is proven most right when the drugs don't work but she's not happy about it. Lindsey knocks it out of the park as Raven watches the little girl die. Many thousands more face the same fate, and Raven might be one that condemns them. Heavy lies the crown indeed. - it's a small moment but I think it's important to note that Raven is still there in medical when Clarke comes in at the episode. She's chosen to stay with the dying, with Abby, not to bury herself back in work. I suspect 4x03 was the start of a turn for Raven. - Let's talk about Murphy! And as I'm talking about Raven...LETS TALK ABOUT THAT SCENE. I have longed for this day folk. Murphy shot her! Murphy caused Ravens disability, her chronic pain! And now Memori are coming back to Arkadia and they are going to interact with Raven next week? I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT. Will Emori be shocked to learn more about his past? Will Emori and Raven clash? IDK BUT I CANT WAIT - Abby and Murphy were fucking everything. I refuse to believe that Murphy stole those drugs to get on Abby's good side. It was a split second decision imo and he only started thinking about it properly when he was in medical. Don't get me wrong, Murphy will do what is best for him and Emori. But I wouldn't be surprised if he enters full hero mode by the end of the season. And I am SO HERE for Abby being everyone's mum! SO HERE FOR IT. - Memori continue to be super cute. I'm glad the Ontari rape was referenced, though I could have done without Emori being jealous. Mostly I'm just so relieved that they are going to fully join the squad. New Emori dynamics. GIMME. Also, Richard hugs good. - Luna! Nyko! So the Nightblood thing is really echoing Mt Weather, right? I LOVE THIS SHOW AND ITS MORAL COMPLEXITY. I'm sure Luna will be a willing lab rat for a little while, but if this gets out and everyone is literally out for Luna's blood...yiiiiikes. - Hi Jackson, I love you! - PAPA MILLER. Yay! And duuuuudes, Murphy taunts Miller about Bryan and Papa steps in. That's the second time this season that a parent has stood up for their LGBT+ child and it's important. Also still sowing the seeds of that Briller break up. I feel like I've missed a million things...so feel free to ask if I have not expressed an opinion on something important. I actually have time today! (Typing on shit phone so excuse typos)

#the 100 #the 100 recap #the 100 season 4

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tellytantra · 6 years

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(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Scene 1Kabir says to Zara that Imran will call me when I am with Hashmi and he will tell me that he has found a witness that can prove that you are innocent then Hashmi will get tensed and send Zafar to finish that witness and then we will catch Zafar, Zara says they are dangerous. Kabir says we are walking on right and God is with us, dont you trust my love? Zara says I do. Kabir says your love wont let anything to me, till you are with me then I can fight hashmis. Zara says promise to not let anything happen to my Kabir. Kabir holds her hand and says I promise to not let anything happen to your Kabir and kisses her hand. Imran coughs. Reema smirks. Kabir says I will keep Ismail with me when I meet Hashmi and you stay here Imran. Imran says who can be witness? Reema says I cant be witness. Zara says no its dangerous, I will go as a witness. Kabir says no you will stay here, Zafar will be there. Zara says I will keep your Zara protected. Kabir says I got you after so much difficulty, its too dangerous, I cant let you go there. Zara says I live in your heart, when you feel something then listen to your heartbeats, you could hear me. Kabir says promise to not let anything happen to you, Zara says I am your debt, I promise to protect myself, be safe, goodbye. She turns to leave but Kabir holds her hand, tu mera humdard hai plays, they sadly look at each other. Zara kisses his hand with tender and love. She leaves his hand and goes from there. Kabir and his men comes to Hashmi’s house. Kabir asks his men to keep an eye when Zafar leaves.Kabir comes to meet Hashmi, Hashmi says how come you are here to teach me about religion? Kabir says I didnt intend to hurt you that day, I was just protecting my wife, I hurt your heart so I am sorry. Hashmi says you did a mistake by arguing with me, I heard that you sent your wife away, you did great by deciding to divorce her. Kabir gets call and goes away. Zafar goes behind him. Imran says how is it going? Kabir says what? some man was in abaya in hospital? what a woman saw him? she is a witness? okay I will come. Zafar hears it and leaves. Kabir calls Imran and whispers that Zafar heard everything.Kabir comes back to Hashmi, Hashmi asks how is your education center? Kabir says its going good. In market, Zara sees a man in burqa. She says to Reema that he has same mark on hand which was on person in hospital, he must be Zafar, you leave. Kabir gets call from Imran, Imran says Zafar is in market behind Zara. Kabir says what? I asked my man to call me when Zafar leaves, Zara might be in trouble. He ends call and turns to see Hashmi there, Hashmi asks if everything is fine? Kabir nods. Kabir sees Zafar there too, he thinks if Zafar is here then who is in market? Kabir says I have to leave, he leaves. Zafar says to Hashmi that till Kabir goes to market, Zara will be gone. Zara is in market and sees people having a rally against government. She tries to follow person in burqa. Kabir calls her and says do not follow any person, Zara cant hear him in chaos and loses her phone.Kabir and Imran comes in market, Reema says I cant find her. Kabir says lets spread and search for her.Zara is following a person in burqa. She runs behind him and loses her slippers and bracelet. Her feet bleed too. She sees man going to parking lot and follows him.Kabir finds Zara’s phone in market and searches around. Zara is searching for Hashmi’s man in parking lot. The man behind burqa is Miraj, Miraj hides and waits with knife to attack Zara. Zara is about to go in his trap when Kabir comes there. Kabir says to Zara that Zafar was in house with me, this person is someone else, its a trap for you. Lets go. He takes Kabir from there. Kabir says to Zara that someone informed about our plan to Hashmi, one person is giving information to Hashmi from our team. Reema asks her group mate Sakina why she is tensed? Sakina says I have to leave and leaves. Scene 2Salma says to Irfan that how will Zara prove herself innocent? Irfan says my daughter has guts to fight, she fought for a lot of people and she is most clean hearted person, she has guts to prove herself innocent, she knows how to write her future, I can say proudly that my daughter can give her life for her nation, dont worry, God is with her. Hashmi calls Shahbaz and says are are you sleeping? your son is trying to prove Zara innocent, stop him, people will start talking, if some disrespect happens then Kabir’s future will be destroyed. Kabir and Zara comes to Imran and Reema. Kabir says Hashmi knew about our plan beforehand, someone from our team is giving information to Hashmi. Reema says we only have 5 days left to prove Zara innocent. Shahbaz asks Ayesha where is Kabir? Ayesha says he is fighting for his duty, he has only 5 days left to prove Zara innocent. Shahbaz gets call from Irfan, Irfan says we have to stop politics from destroying our kids, you know some powerful people are trying to destroy our kids and you know those people. Shahbaz says you are blaming me that I am working against my son? Irfan says you can do anything to fulfill dream of making Kabir head priest, we have to save our kids. Shahbaz says announce Kabir as head priest and make this situation easier, why are you silent now? I want to clarify that I am not doing any politics against my son or your daughter. Kabir brings Zara to Irfan’s house. Zara says I want to go with you, Kabir says only 5 days then we will stay together in our room, smile now. He says if you get time then call me. Zara says why? my phone is broken. Kabir gives her phone and says I thought you might call me but you dont want to. Zara takes his pictures and says I will get good sleep after seeing your photo. Zara turns to leave but Kabir stops her, Zara says I am scared about these days, Kabir says dont be scared, Zara says this matter is about whole nation now, Kabir says we will win, we are fighting for justice. Zara hugs him, Kabir kisses her forehead and hand. Zara says to Kabir that even I dont want to go away from you. Kabir kisses her hand, di diyan gallan plays. Someone takes pictures. PRECAP- Miraj kidnaps Zara and calls Kabir, he says your wife is in danger, I have put bomb in Zara’s car which will blast in 10 minutes. Miraj leaves Zara in car where bomb is planted. Kabir is stunned and runs to find her. Update Credit to: Atiba

http://cattybilli.blogspot.com/2018/09/ishq-subhan-allah-3rd-september-2018.html

#SEO #Local SEO training Ishq Subhan Allah 3rd September 2018 Episode Written Update http://cattybill

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alejandropagunuran13-blog · 6 years

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Life of a Blogger

Believe in God

This is my personal experience when I was a kid and I was struggling with our debt burden so we could eat almost all the work of my parents even though they were tired even for them to feed my brother and my mom thought that why my father did not go abroad so that somehow it would diminish our debts one of my family's most severe tests for my dad's pawn abroad to borrow my mom for leaving my dad

And my prayer to God when we do not do it as it seems that nothing happens I say to myself that it will not happen or be fulfilled but my mother says I do not say that because all our prayers are heard by God but not He will now give us our request at the right time if it is necessary that I have really understood everything my mother said and that until the Lord fulfilled our request and that my dad will be left to Saudi Arabia.

But he does not have enough income to reduce our debt so he left his job and applied another job and God heard our prayers again and reduced our debt but as he worked on another the country has come a great deal of trouble in our lives and it is very difficult to go beyond our relatives to leave at the same time to be with the god that the most painful thing in my life is losing our precious grandparents and they are happy in the presence of the lord God.

And all our neighbors our homes are looking at us as they like them they are the ones who are very rich and I am feeling discouraged because of them but my mother says I do not want to plant you in because everything they do for us will come back to them because the God does not sleep all that they do with us he sees and does not enjoy it all the sins that his children do in the world he protects and my mother said we should not turn away from God because he is the only one who knows everything he has done all he can to love forever and forgive many times more times and I believe in everything that he said has entered my mind and my heart and that's all I can understand is my advice to everybody if you have committed a wrong attitude before you and ask forgiveness and do not leave him behind because he Jesus Christ has done everything you can to believe in him and no serious problem cannot be tolerated if the god is abandoned, so believe in God.

-Alejandro N. Pagunuran

Dear No One

Well obviously I’m not Tori Kelly, I’m not gonna sing. Anyway, dear no one, to those people who don’t often feel like they’re living the life they wanted. Dear no one, please tell them all the things you wanted to do, wanted to have and wanted to let go and you’ll feel like you’re talking to your self, an alternate universe of yourself. Dear no one, this ain’t gonna be your love song, but this will be your life song, please enjoy all the things that makes you happy and take risks if you feel like you wanted to. Dear no one, to myself right now, to my future self and to who I used to be, stay strong, don’t let other people make a choice for you, don’t let them dictate your moves and decisions, don’t let them take you for granted and never ever let someone feel that you’re not good enough. Dear no one, don’t be afraid to love, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes if that what’ll make you really happy. Dear no one, this is me talking to you, saying the things I wanted you to do and the things we should’ve do. Dear no one, especially you— myself, understand this, if only we could turn back time, I wouldn’t have to write this blog about realizations of all the mistakes we’ve done. dear no one, once you've reached you endpoints, the time where you'll be struggling of standing on the edge and holding yourself together, please remember that there will be someone who's willing to catch you and embrace you, someone who will lift u up and pull you closer to them and far of the edge. breathe, let go and cry. you've done a good job being strong, lifting up others and making them happy. dear no one, it's time for you to stop thinking others and let yourself to be happy. dear no one, i love you.

-Arzel Sagarang Veran

UNORTHODOX

This is a tale about the girl who prefers pants over skirts, adores make-up and the likes, loves books over boys, and fawns over food more than anything else. This is the story about Krystel Perez, the girl living behind the curtains, lurking in the shadows, yet still basks in the sunlight. ‘Carpe Diem’ is what she loves to say, but never really applies. She’s anxious, and a cluttered mess all the time, although when it really matters, she’s quite reliable. Scared about people judging her, she favors hiding beneath other people, staying on the surface and laying low, even when flying is the way she goes. ‘Never stand out’ is her life’s motto. People are obsessed with being different; with leaving a mark, while this girl tries everything in her power to blend in with the crowd. A journey where everything is bland and boring, welcome to my life!

-Krystel Gem Perez

Myself and my new Family

Hi I am Marivie Jane Nicolas ,but my friends call me Jen or Jane. My hobbly is singing and acting and my favorite sport is volleyball. My favorite color is nude colors, and about my likes , I like waching disney movies and some horror movies. I love eating nilagang baboy and dinuguan. I also love cooking, playing gun games ,and coloring. I love attending church every Sunday and participate on some avtivities in church like mentorings ,prayer meeting, and etc. I love also joining in some sports activities like volley ball. I remember last year we won first place in joining volley ball liga in our barangay and my fried won a medal bacause she is the MVP in our team and Im happy for her.About my school this this year ,on the first I was a little bit shy but when I saw Jam I feel that I am not alone because she’s there. And when weeks passed we all became comfortable with earch other and I can say all of them is really friendly and nice. And I feel that tjhis year is gonna be the best year because I meet new friends and teachers or should I say I meet a new family.

-Marivie Jane Nicolas

Creating a band on Junior highschool

It’s not easy to make a band although you like it. First you need to be patient because there's a chance that your band mates have their own schedule, we have different religion, different days of attending on church. Moreover sometimes having a misunderstanding on the day that we scheduled to practice. But after a misunderstanding, we never missed happiness even we have a lot of problems we just laugh at it. In the band, there are things that you don't need to give a big deal like a problem on your band mates if they don't practice their role as a band teach them how to make it right do not take advantage on them it will cause a big misunderstanding. Creating a band on Junior highschool is unforgettable moment because there's a competition that we joined "Battle of the bands" there 4 participants. I think this is the time that we show/share our talents. So don't lose the chances that we can have.

-Ryan Abian

Wake up

One Saturday night as I walk in the middle of nowhere, I saw you.

I’m tired, but when I saw your smiles my day lighten up. I’m hungry, but i feel sorry beacuse you are more than I am. Not a beggar, but someene who’s begging for some love and care. You are a dirty dress, that keeps the bacteria away, protecting us from illness. A slipper with poop, that no matter how used you are,or how dirty, never get tired us, A jewelry also, despite of those scratch and bruises, you keep on shining and giving us the way.

A beautiful Queen with no elegant dress but with those cries unsaid. See it, how closely you are dirt than to us your precious gems. May you show us the pain inside the wrinkles? May you show us the starts slowly fading away? Mom please/ Please stop pretending that you’re okay.

Mom please wake up, I want to see those smiles again. Sorry, But I love you and didn’t show it.

-Jam Rilveria

Best Friends

My girl best friend right now A girl that tell me im worth it even seldom A girl that i always want to talk at all times to the rest of my life A girl that always there no matter what happen giving me smilee to each other even its complicated She change my life for a short time with a long conversation full of meanings that we worked each other but not together its hard to say but i know she's a good person of the most beatiful heart person that came through my life my girl but im only one who knows my happy pill for a short time until now but many things running on my mind thinking about her thinking of she's still happy when she was with me before she's comfortable when im with her talking many things crazy moments of our life and knowing each other but after that one move one day all changes i don't know why i ask myself always where i did go wrong why she want a distances or space many questions iwant to ask but when im with her all preperations and energy goes away then i only ask myself everyday what why i cant tell her my feelings and truth.

-Dane Geronimo

My self

This is my first time to write a blog. I don’t even know how to write it and I have no idea on what to write. But since this is our requirement and based on my research about this site, we can write anything on this, even about ourselves, so I’m going to introduce myself as start.

Hi everyone! My name is Rovick Marvin. I'm 16 years old. I'm a STEM student at EAC,Cavite, I'm in the 11TH grade. I'm from Dasmariñas, Cavite, I am fond of playing computer games during my free time and after doing my assignments. I like to play badminton but nowadays I don't have much free time. I’m a homebody person. I rather stay at home than to mingle with some friends.

My father is an OFW for 25 years and my mother is a public school teacher. I grew up missing my father celebrating special occasions of mine. I have to accept the fact that he sacrificed his own happiness just to give us our needs especially for our future. So I’m doing my very best not to disappoint him and as a reward for his sacrifices. I have a brother name Mark Raven. He is now 21 years old. We have opposite personalities .He has a lot of friends and he is an outgoing person, not me. He loves to travel with some friends, but not my type. He has a lot of courage in driving our car, which I don’t have. But one thing I am proud of as well as my Mom, I am smarter than him in terms of studies. He spent a lot of money buying some stuff but I rather save most of my allowance in my piggy bank.We fight a lot even in a small things. But one thing we have in common, we both enjoy playing mobile games. I think this is all for now.

A pleasure to meet you all.

-Rovick Cantada

My favorite Person My Favorite person is named Mark, we've been schoolmates since grade 4 but never noticed each other, so basically we're schoolmates but a total strangers too, not until we turned Grade 9. That year, we became friends ( but ofcourse he's my crush already) and eventually we had our label on September 27th. He's quiet but goofy around me. He's clingy sometimes and comforts me and I'm feeling down, it's like I found a bestfriend inside my boyfriend. He's respectful and gentleman. He's not my ideal man but he's more than my ideal man. Well, I guess it true that when you found you're "The one" you wouldn't care about those anymore. And just like a normal relationship, we started fresh and happy, oh how I wish it was forever, but no relationship is perfect so just like the normal couples out there, we had our misunderstandings, fights, and such.

-Inna Dominique

Vèlo

First of all, vèlo means bike. Bike is a machine. That has many uses in every way. It can be used as transportation, sports, exercise and much more. Bike is very much easy to use. Just keep on pedaling in order to move your wheels. Bike has simple components on it just frames like our body, it’s the bod of the bike. Next one of course the wheels the feet in human body, the bar is the arms and so much more if I will label it screw by screw lol. My point is. Bike is a machine that can help you on every way you can imagine. Now you know whats is a bike. But let me tell you a more deeper meaning of what is vèlo for me. Bike for me is not just any machine, it’s like us humans. I treat it as a friend, that I can count on everything. Bike is my friend or should I say bestfriends ? I don’t know… but im sure of one thing, it will always be there when I need someone. Yes someone, because my bike ain’t just for transportation , sports or what. It’s like a human who you can talk to alone. Its like every pedal I make, memories are made. Let me describe my bike. My bike doesn’t have any brakes at all. It’s a fixed gear. If I want to stop, I need to stop pedalin’. The gear is fixed it cannot be freewheeled or coast while biking. You need to keep the pedal spinning in order to move. If we think deeper. That’s how our life works. You need to keep on pedaling, grinding no need to stop on life. Don’t put your feet on the ground. Don’t lose hope. Everyone asks me why do I need to ride a fixed gear bike or fixie because it’s so dangerous and so much more dangerous in traffic. I always answer it “I ride reasonably dangerous” I know its dangerous but its part of life right ? Whats life it’s not dangerous. If you fell down. Get up! Life is full of pain. Be thankful if you feel pain. Because if not. Your’e dead homie.

-Jayson Carlos

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