#and i consider some of you friends

[conchstellations]

goodbye!

(tldr: kath is leaving because some of you kind of suck. she has some suggestions for those of you who don’t want to kind of suck. also a little bit of sentiment.)

This is my goodbye. The last post I’ll ever make on this blog. Dramatic, I know. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I think it’s time I just fully absolve myself of the burden that the kazoo kid’s cold, dead eyes carry. I was thinking, “hey, isn’t it a little cringe to make a post saying goodbye to a tumblr blog?” and then I thought, “yeah! It is!” and I pulled up a google doc and started typing. In all seriousness, it’s been a long time coming. This is going to be a long post and I expect very few people to read it, although I hope you do. It’s mostly for me, really. Closure, I guess you could say. Perhaps even a poetic ending. 

When I first read Lord of the Flies, I was forced to. It was assigned reading for my grade 10 English class. I was going on vacation, so I decided to bring a copy of the book with me so I could keep up with the class. On that vacation, I probably read that book around 8 times. I couldn’t put it down. I couldn’t stop talking about it. My mom had to tell me to shut up about it after the fifth time I explained to her how Jack would’ve been a much more efficient leader. 

As any teenage girl with an urge to rant about niche topics would do, I made a tumblr. At that time, it was inquisitivebrightcreatures, but I cannot stress enough how annoying it was to type. 26 whole characters. Literally enough letters for the entire alphabet. I also made a discord server around that time, and I personally think that led to every major issue I’ve had in the past 2 years (that’s a joke, my grandpa died and he didn’t even know what discord was). On that server, I made friends I still talk to even now. Shoutout to Bunny and Rog, my besties.

Months went by, I made friends and I found a community. I also made enemies. I didn’t know that a book written like a thousand years ago could generate so much anger, but I guess that’s what I deserve for underestimating literature. 

Lord of the Flies has been a huge part of my life for the past 2 (almost 3) years. It’s even partially to blame for my current relationship. When I first walked into my grade 12 English class, I distinctly remember seeing Lord of the Flies books on the desks and turning to the complete stranger sitting in the row to the right two seats behind. I proceeded to continue on at least a five minute rant about the joy this stupid book has brought me, and then my hopes were crushed as it was announced that those were for the grade 10s. She still bought a copy for herself though, to appease me, and she even bought one for me so I could annotate it. Now, she’s annotating one for me. Okay, I’m done being gay. Maybe. (I’m not). 

To put it simply, this book genuinely means a lot to me. It’s been a comfort to me when I needed it most. I used to have this book with me 24/7 about a year ago. Trust me, I love it. 

But the one thing I’ve realized I don’t love is what drew me here in the first place: the community. 

I don’t want this to be taken in the wrong way. I have formed very real, very meaningful bonds with people in this community. For two years of my life, the people here were who I would go to with every single issue I had. They were almost like a second family. But I don’t think that means this community is above critique, and I want to talk about that and my thoughts. 

For a while, I held my tongue when it came to the problems in this “fandom”, or whatever you want to call it. I wanted to fit in, and I thought that maybe I just wasn’t understanding other people’s perspectives. Maybe everyone else was actually right. And I certainly know that I was part of the problem too. I’ve done some things I seriously, genuinely regret. I know I’ve had my moments that make this whole thing sound hypocritical, but I think those experiences helped me understand why this behaviour is wrong.

Firstly, I’ve always been disgusted by the way some of you handle these characters. They are children. Even if you’re aging them up, they were written as children. Stop making NSFW. You’re just aging them up to “justify” your actions. Just because it’s “legal” doesn’t mean it’s moral! It is horrific. That’s all I have to say about that, because I don’t even think it should be a topic of debate.

Secondly, the “mob-mentality” needs to stop. I think it’s funny how part of Lord of the Flies is critiquing how humans are able to do bad things when other people are doing it, and on multiple occasions I’ve seen dozens of people in this community attack somebody. Of course, I think that sometimes it’s mandatory to correct people. If someone is genuinely harming other people with their actions, a little bullying is perfectly fine by me. But some of you are frothing at the mouth because someone in the Lord of the Flies tag on tumblr said that they don’t support shipping. There’s no need to send hundreds of insults over petty things. At that point, it’s just insecurity. Next time you start typing, maybe consider: why am I getting this upset? Is it worth getting upset over? I sound rude, but I truly think this is a problem that the community has, and I'd love to see some self-reflection and improvement. 

Thirdly, some of you are just genuinely toxic. The amount of hypocrisy, cruelty, and to put it simply, meanness (is that a word?) is worrying. Again, I can say confidently I’ve done the exact same thing. I’m not trying to be rude. But I know I’ve taken the time to try and work through those flaws. I think a lot of you can’t even acknowledge them. You’re all so focused on pointing out other people’s issues that you can’t see how you could possibly be in the wrong. And when you are in the wrong, you get defensive. And then comes the group harassment. From the bottom of my heart, I think a lot of you need some serious introspection. 

It’s taken me a long time to think about this. I do love this blog. I love some of the people I’ve met. I love some of the memories. But I cannot continue to be a part of this with a good conscience. The tipping point for me is when I logged into this blog the other day, and saw that every single one of the above patterns was being repeated. Again. And again. And again. (I do feel some of the critique was very valid, but others? Not in the slightest). And once again, there was zero self awareness to be seen. This community is not one I want to participate in, or support, if it keeps going in this direction. And I really hope that at least some of you will turn it in another direction.

I’m not deleting this blog. It holds so many memories for me. Just leaving it inactive for the far, foreseeable future. And again, I love this book! It will forever be my favourite. I already have another blog where I’ll probably post a few Lord of the Flies things! That book has been a safe place for me, but the community that’s grown here is anything but that.

I hope some of you took the time to read through this, and understand where I’m coming from. If any of you have something to say, comment or message me or whatever. I’m open to discussing because I do want people to listen before I actually go.

In conclusion, goodbye to all my friends I’ve separated from. Goodbye to the memories I’ve made here. Goodbye to conchstellations.

I’m not going to play any longer. Not with you. (Okay, sorry I had to.)

- Kathryn <3

#i honestly had a good time with some of you #and i consider some of you friends #but at least 20 of you have proven to me over time that youre not who i thought you were #and i just want it over with LMAO #im moving on with life #my girlfriend brings me weekly bouquets i dont need lord of the flies tumblr drama #some of u just need to get bitches #okay sorry sorry but i think im funny #anyways #loved all the good times #despised all the bad times #xoxo conchstellations #lord of the flies #lotf #lotf fandom

[jadequarze]

I miss them T^T I miss the blue girlies

#jade draws #critical role #cr2 #critical role fanart #beaujester #jester lavorre #beauregard lionett #please please be respectful under this post. i can read tags remember #im giving cr tumblr one last chance whether or not they can be nice on a cr2 ship #anyway. theyre one of the big reason i got into cr and met long time mutuals who some i consider a friend now #if you followed me since c2 days. you know im fixated over them

[nights-at-crystarium]

✧✦✧ "Fragments" - episode 41 ✧✦✧

They celebrate the night by playing games even more unhinged than usual, imbibing floral nectar, and dancing until every last person drops dead \o/

New reader? episode list on tumblr | webtoon Read 4 more episodes: patreon | kofi

#i see you typing some comment about the moon mount #i urge you to consider: this episode got released for patrons before the mount okay #like you're free to joke about it but it's nowhere near my original intention here and i'm grumpy about se's timing #ffxiv #vivien rell #feo ul #titania #alisaie leveilleur #alphinaud leveilleur #thancred waters #ryne waters #urianger augurelt #ffxiv: fragments #fragment ii: new world old friend #own: next lvl

[dollopheadsandclotpoles]

Due to that post I made re: why it's hard for aros/aces to imagine a future for themselves because society tells you a romantic partner will always take priority, a lot of people (aros/aces and allos alike) are sharing stories about how they have been discarded by their close friends and it's breaking my heart. But allos and aspecs coming in and sharing how they have the same amount of love for their partners and their best friends/siblings is healing it.

Still, there are people in the tags saying that aros/aces can "never offer their partners the kind of intimacy they need" and so they shouldn't be "surprised" when they feel closer to partners than their friends. You guys are missing the point.

The point is that we should NOT be ranking our relationships. People aren't there to be ranked on a scale of "This person is my number one and this person comes after that." The point is that you need multiple people in your life. One person cannot - and should not - be responsible for giving you everything you need. Different people will give you different things that you need in life and you should value all of them.

The idea that a romantic partner will give you every single thing you need in life is a toxic idea in itself and puts undue pressure on said partner and the relationship as a whole. A best friend won't give you everything either. You NEED multiple people in your life and they will all give you a part of what you need, but there is no one perfect person out there who perfectly gives you exactly what you want. We need multiple people and they should all be valued by you. Love is not limited.

#aro stuff #ace stuff #aroace tag #aro #ace #aromanticism #asexuality #aromantic #asexual #aroace #This idea that a romantic partner comes before everything and everyone else is a very Western idea too #I'm grateful that I live in a culture where family and community are important parts of life. #I'm lucky that my best friend considers me as important as her husband #i'm lucky that I'm close to my family and have unconditional love from them #why do I have to rank the relationships in my life #a mother with two kids can love and prioritise them equally #as my own mother does #why is it impossible for some of you to imagine doing that with other relationships in your life? #(i wrote this when I was sleepy and wrote unrequited love instead of unconditional love i'm so dumb lol #i do return my family's love)

[dizzybizz]

the little chipper

#theres so much i awnt to draw of the trio you dont even know im so #HSJAAFNFDMGDFHGFHDFGDFH #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #im not tagging him as “chip bastard” 😭😭 poor guy cant catch a fkn break #my art #i feel so sane and normal #his design changes so often. ilove it so much but like damn theres always more stuff to keep track of ... ghgnh #also i gave gill n jay little critter friends n i was contemplating just putting some ollies in here but i didnt #just know it was considered

[comradekatara]

okay be honest. if someone as hot as sokka (is constantly established to be by other characters within the text) said these exact words to you, you would also fall in love with them on the spot and/or be overwhelmed with uncontrollable horniness. yue is valid

#id in alt text #sokka #yue #sokkaxyue #i am once again thinking about Them #they are sooo cute its unreal #and i will not apologize for that!!!! #also yes. i know im gay but i have many straight friends okay #or well. i have one straight friend but she's REALLY straight she is the heterosexualest woman in the world #so i know how their minds work #and besides. man or woman there is nothing hotter than an attractive person who is also an awkward dorkass nerd #it's like catnip to us (girls who probably have something wrong with them but are really good at masking it) #frankly it's the kind of thing everyone i've ever dated or ever considered dating has said to me #yes i would like to do an activity with you!! at a place!!! for some time!!!!! #anyway. my point is #people clown on sokka for this (namely; katara) #but it would work on most if not all of you #i guarantee it

[egophiliac]

We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*

honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)

and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well

someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)

#art #twisted wonderland #twst oc #my plan worked i've tricked you all into looking at my anime catgirl oc #she exists to yell at some rsa boys so she doesn't really have like. a character or story or anything. sorry! #(her name is alexandria north and that is what she considers a sporty outfit. that's as far as i got) #this is the one that is mainly about silver and neige having a mutual bluebird friend and i am having terrible trouble making it not suck #which given some of the stuff i post should tell you something about how it's going so far #(it's just kind of an incoherent mess of ideas at this point. nothing specific just ~the creative process~) #maybe the rest of episode 7 will give my brain the kickstart it needs. depends on how that goes i guess #god. the next episode 7 bit drops in (probably) just a few days. #I'M NOT READY #i have simultaneously never been ready and always been ready #i exist in a perpetual state of impatience

[sleepsucks]

#07.07.22 #3042 #this one's wordy sowwy #anyway yugioh is special #if you somehow still haven't : please consider taking some time to #overcome your potential limited view of it as 'cringe 2000's anime that was made for selling cards lol' #>the anime WAS cheap and also funny dub at times right no yeah i'm not arguing that too much ( it's still fun ) #the manga goes so much harder though you have no idea #kazuki takahashi was a real one #( also idk why i said 'friend i don't talk MUCH to anymore' : we don't talk at all & i kinda never wanna interact with him again lol ) #( also Bakura is hot )

[demonic-shadowlucifer]

yes, we shouldn't ignore the terrible events going on right now (Palestine, Sudan, etc), but I think we need some reminders because some of the posts i've been reading have been giving off *extremely* guilt-trippy vibes: Not posting about current events or bad things =/= not caring. Not reblogging =/= not caring. Adding "don't scroll past this" or "reblog this or block me" to posts is guilt-trippy as hell. And lastly, online activism is not the only form of activism.

#palestine #free palestine #sudan #armenia #ukraine #russo ukrainian war #yemen #congo #just some of what came to mind #sorry but those “i dont get why everyones posting about good things while this bad thing is happening” posts piss me off a lot #because... how do you know they're unaware of the bad events? #how do you know they don't care? #maybe they've donated to pro-palestinian organizations or went to pro-palestine rallies #maybe they're currently checking on their armenian and yemeni friends #i could go on #i am sorry but not everyone has to make a social media post in order to be an activist #in fact i feel like posting about it isn't making a direct difference (and it does come off as preformative) #donating and calling senators and joining protests and boycotts make much bigger differences then posting on social media imo #guilt tripping will be blocked immediately #consider this post a checkpoint in a way #EDIT 4.0: reblogs are back on again.

[navybrat817]

What if...The writers of "What If...?" focused on a character besides Peggy Carter?

#navybrat rambles #anti peggy carter #sorry to those who like her #but she was completely overused #what if spoilers #what if...? #is she considered a mary sue now? #how did she manage to hold all the infinity stones? #i don't know #i'm le tired #but seriously #can they focus on other characters? #where was sam wilson? #at least we got some bucky barnes content #are you reading my tags? #go drink some water #stay hydrated my friends

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

SO. TO KICK OFF THE WEEK OF SPECULATION BEFORE THE UPDATE DROPS.

last night i had a bit of a Revelation. literally. i borderline woke up in a cold sweat with this realization. the way i lunged for my laptop to scream at friends... ough. lets get into it

so. i do believe I've made a couple of theory posts about Barnaby not being quite as receptive to his and Wally's "forced" best friendship as Wally - since the show wrote them to be friends instead of it happening naturally. i thought it might be a point of tension for Barn. i thought a lot.

YES SO I'M TOSSING (almost) ALL OF THAT OUT THE WINDOW!

the bios state Barnaby as Wally's best friend multiple times over. it had to be regularly reinforced. their colors were chosen to mark them as friends.

but Barnaby - presumably - can't see the bios, he wouldn't know the scripts. the friendship would be natural from his perspective. how would he know otherwise? even if the relationship started out synthetic, i don't doubt that it became genuine. in the context of their world and perceptions, realistically speaking Barnaby probably wouldn't sense anything wrong.

the reminders to be best friends weren't for Barnaby.

they were for Wally.

i'm starting to suspect that Wally is Barnaby's best friend, but Barnaby isn't Wally's. i think that Wally's "best friend" is Home - or at least Wally has a closer connection to them / Home is more important to Wally than anyone else is.

i remember reading this livestream trivia (from theneighborhoodwatch's doc, if you haven't their resources yet what are you even doing?):

and i assumed it was for Barnaby's side of the relationship. but it's not, is it? it's Wally's? and it makes too much fucking Sense! it fits! i can see it perfectly! i can feel things slotting together in my mind due to this shift in perspective, and i'm scared

Barnaby probably thinks the relationship is natural, just like how he thinks he's a real person in a real world. Wally probably knows that the relationship is a role, just like how he knows he's a puppet in a false reality.

that leaves me wondering how much of it is genuine on Wally's side. i don't doubt that they really are friends, but how deep does that connection go? in the interview, Wally sounded excited/proud about having a best friend, but how much came from a place of feeling, and how much came from a place of Fulfilling The Role? how much of it is performative? how much of it is a mask?

i've been seeing everything differently. Barnaby poses for Wally the most because he has good balance and is good at staying still, not because of favoritism or because he's Wally's best friend. in the 14 (15 including the hidden halloween) audios, Barnaby consistently seeks out Wally and checks in on him. Wally seems more casual about their relationship than Barnaby is.

i'm worried that Wally values Home & You/Us over Barnaby. that Barnaby is second or third place in Wally's heart. that Wally means more to Barnaby than he means to Wally. after all, only one of them needed their relationship to be reinforced on a seemingly regular basis.

i'm confident that Wally cares about / loves Barnaby, but the question is how much? to what extent?

#IM SO FUCKING ILL. #and by worried i mean Frothing At The Mouth. that would hurt so good. it would be delicious #i mean. it makes so much fucking sense. it feels Right! #and oh the ways this could hurt barnaby #i already suspect he has some Internal insecurities and shit but. oh man. if this is true it would break his heart wouldnt it #he has his hearts on his palms but wally's hearts are hidden on the soles of his shoes.... #god. no this. this. i cant start ranting and raving about what this means for barnaby and how i think it might affect him #the picture all the pieces of What We Know About Him So Far paint #all i'll say is. comic relief characters are always a tragedy under the mask. #wh speculation #homebogging #wh theory #welcome home speculation #welcome home theory #the way i was losing my absolute shit in discord. Man. #i am continuously in premature mourning over barnaby. #eddie might be doomed by the narrative but barn is Screwed by the narrative #poor guy just can't catch a break #also the idea. the Concept. that wally might consider you/us a closer/dearer friend than barnaby #is. its. well its devastating and juicy as Fuck! #there's. there's so much to unpack here im gonna be honest #for the first time since getting into this project im feeling like im starting to see a cohesive picture #the implications. the connections. the way it ties into themes. man... oh man... And It Makes. Sense. #barnaby knows wally better than the other neighbors - Besides Home - but how much more? #does he think he knows more than he does? i mean absolutely. wally is still hardcore masking around him. #wally doesn't confide in him not really #but man. Man. oh i understand why completely. at least i like to think i do #oh boy this is gonna kill me and im gonna like it #i had this realization and i felt my neurons shift just a little. just Enough. FUCK #barnaby b beagle. baby. i am so sorry but you're gonna have a hell of a fucking time

[j-ellyfish]

People who engage in the Hetalia fandom while openly disliking the source material and even Himaruya himself sound kinda like hypocrites to me. Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but please stay away from me, this kind of mindset truly annoys me and makes me uncomfortable. Am I gatekeeping? No, not really, I just believe that being a fan of something should mean, you know, being a fan and liking the source material at the very least. It should be like, the lowest the bar can get. Below that, there's not being a fan.

#if you live in your own delusion and your friends' fanon that's cool but I just can't bring myself to consider you a fan and #respect any of your opinions on the characters and anything else related to that #because really how can you have opinions on something you barely touch because 'ew canon am I right guys'??? #idk I just don't understand this behavior and it makes me uncomfortable #I've been seeing this '''trend''' for quite a few years and it irks me so much #I too have some criticism of some parts of canon but spitting in the plate where I'm eating?? Nah that'd be so stupid and hypocritical #if you hate it so much then don't leech off hetalia tags #idk #you guys do you but still I will never understand nor support it #ary spoke #ofc I'm not talking about people who are new to it and are testing the waters with fanon content before actually watching/reading the sourc #material - I'm talking about the people who actively refuse to consume the source and openly hate on it and have done so for years while #still somehow engaging in the fandom and even getting mad when the most common portrayal of characters is you know CANON LEANING and #not mirroring their valid but understandably niche opinions that most often come from an interpretation of fanon #hence at least twice as far away from canon #I don't seek drama or anything please do not pick fights I just needed to get this off my chest

[nectar-cellar]

"fun" fact about amir: he sleeps 4-6 hours every night and then wonders why he feels like death every second of the day

#*whispers* its the depression luv #i gave baby girl an update 🥺 i fiddled with his nose and his side profile. #anyone: “have you considered therapy or medication ❤” #amir: Bro I Dont Need That Shit 😂😂😂 #amir is that person in the friend group who is very much not okay but acts like he is but he is fooling no one #I NEED TO MAKE HIM SOME FRIEND OCS OMFG!!!!!!!!

[dykefaggotry]

#I'm not expecting any in the 20+ range tbh bc everyone knows abt gay ppl by then but just in case #when I was like 3 we gave some of our dog's litter to a gay couple who was super nice #but I didn't register anything about them Being Gay they were just some guys I didn't really conceptualize that there was anything different #so I'd consider it being when I was 4 bc my dad's friend in the army was gay and he was an absolute dick abt him #he'd talk about him a lot in a derogatory way so that's when I found out abt the word gay and learned it was not something you could be #lol laughing out loud etc

[useless-catalanfacts]

Btw if you come on holidays and stay at an AirBnb instead of an actual registered hotel I hate you personally. Not "I hate the gentrification and touristic massification and the way we can't live in our homes and are forced to move away because of tourism" in an abstract way- No, not just that. I hate you.

#I'm from a seaside town that has become popular with tourists who come for the beach and the mediterranean climate #and the typical whitewashed walls of mediterranean coastal towns #in just a few years the average rent has gone up so much that now the average rent id #*is over 1000€ per month #one thousand! #that's a whole salary! #in the past 2 years they've been building a new neighbourhood. they've destroyed the vinyeards to make a new neighbourhood that will make #the town 1/3 bigger than it is. that's a lot. but all those houses are luxury houses with private swimming pools for rich foreigners (we #already have 2 private British schools high schools and college(in the british sense)/baccalaureate where their kids go and never have to #interact with locals. I teach some of those kids and they're very prejudiced against locals and very bigoted against the catalan language #(which ofc they never bother to learn) #there's a law in catalonia that says that for every certain amount of houses you build you are obligated to build a certain percentage of #affordable housing. so in this new neighborhood they built the bare minumum affordable housing which is still too expensive for us #and since there's so few of them everyone is competing to get them. the city hall and the bank have had to make an official competition for #them but you only classify if the renr would not be more than 1/3rd of your salary which is impossible. my cousins who are in their mid 30s #and have been working a good qualified job for 15 years (and their partners too) are considered too poor to be considered for the #affordable housing #everyone is having to move out to other cities away from their friends and family and current jobs. the only jobs left here soon will be #mostly directed at tourists #and the only way to continue living here if you're a normal person and not rich is if you're an only child who one day might inherit the #parents' house #but we look around at what's happening in nearby cities and we see the next step which will be airbnb taking the houses that are left #in many places (I've posted about thia before) there aren't any flats for rent or sell anymore that isn't an airbnb #I'm still lucky in my town when compared to other places like Barcelona which are already full of the airbnb plague #actualitat #airbnb #tourism #touristic massification #gentrification

[majorshatterandhare]

Them : “There’s no platonic explanation for Tim blowing up the moon when Bertie died.”

Me, a borderline aroace thinking about QPRs and FPs and idolization and the white hot rage felt when someone hurts my closest friend : “Y’all are cowards.”

#im not *against* shipping them. i dont really care. bertie is a prop to me. #what i *am* against is claiming it cant be platonic because of tims reaction #im not sure any of you who say this kind of thing know what its like to have explosive uncontrollable anger #or friends. like jeez guys. #and you might be thinking that no ones actually said that. considering how qpr happy this fandom is *but i have seen it* #*im not against shipping them romantically/sexually. in fact i think i view most ships as qprs/alterous. just because i genuinely dont- #understand romantic attraction. its when you say it cant be platonic citing something that in no way supports your point. #the mechanisms #gunpowder tim #bertie #gptvtmk #i think a lot of users forget the chat font exists. i very rarely see it. #<- i said that and then immediately saw a blazed chat post… #for some reason the chat font does not increase in size when you increase the text size in your phones settings. as at least the plain text- #does for me.