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#and i refuse to let people feel down on themselves for a feature i think is gorgeous

ayeohtee · 5 months

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PostWar!Levi x Reader

♘ ♛ ♘

After the end of what would’ve been the end, your life was peaceful. You were nearly convinced life was as perfect as it could be this soon after the world was nearly wiped out by a former comrade, though, you were missing one, singular element.

You strolled through what would’ve been the streets of Marley, had it not been trampled by millions of titans just months before. Refugee tents had been set up for what seemed miles. The isles were swarming with people from everywhere, near and far.

You didn’t know what you sought, your goals unclear as you aimlessly wandered between people. No one was familiar, the setting bearing the same feeling as a strangers home.

It wasn’t until you heard a voice, such familiarity came with it. Memories flashed through your mind at the sound of his raspy voice.

It sounded neutral, not nearly as deadpan as it had been during your military years. Almost relieved, in a sense, his voice only stopping as a woman replied kindly to his statement. You looked around and over people, searching for him amongst the crowd, watching as everyone dispersed for a moment, the moment dragging on for far longer than any other you’ve had.

Levi, an old flame, sat outside a tent with another woman sitting beside him. It had been months since you had last saw him, giving him one last glance goodbye as you walked away from your final battlefield. He didn’t need you. He didn’t want you. So why did you owe him anything?

He looked content beside the woman. She was nothing less than beautiful. Dark hair, light eyes, a smile that reflected the sun that shone bright above. It was nice, seeing him at ease, but it hurt knowing he was this happy beside someone who wasn’t you. You had no right to interfere with his happiness, so why do you feel the way you do?

You tried to refuse them, but your tears had minds of their own as they fell from your eyes and down your cheeks. Your hands gripping the hems of your sleeves as you let out a sniffle and turn away, wanting to erase whatever feelings that had bloomed within you again.

But Levi had just managed to glimpse you among the crowd, squinting with his one good eye to confirm his suspicions. A woman wearing a light blue dress and a sun hat, hair and skin the same shade as yours. His eye widened in response.

Months. He had been wondering where you were for fucking months. And you, you were right there, he was nearly certain of it.

“Excuse me.” He uttered to the lady he had befriended, inching forward on his wheelchair.

“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you.” She offered, standing from her seat and moving behind his chair. He huffed quietly to himself, his hands placing themselves on his lap as he stared off into the horde of people in front of him.

“There was a woman there. An old… friend, from back in the military. I can only assume it was her, but can you follow her please? She had a blue dress and a hat on.” The woman only gazed over the heads of the citizens, eyes gleaming as she took in your attire through the mob.

“I think I see her.” She says, her tone taking on excitement as she begin pushing Levi through the crowd, his eye frantically search everyone and everything.

He was desperate, at this point. He wanted to know if you were okay. He needed to know. He had been so lost since you had left, and after seeing you for the first time since the Rumbling, he didn’t understand why you didn’t go talk to him.

You weaved between more people than you can count, their features only blurred by the tears that seemed to endlessly fall from your eyes. No matter how many times you had wiped away the tears, your body seemed to always have more stored.

You finally managed to leave the crowd, but you were still suffocating. You struggled to breathe, you couldn’t stop the choked sobs from leaving your throat.

You had fallen in love with him. You didn’t realise it until it was far too late. He had another woman by his side. You couldn’t move on, why did you think he wouldn’t be able to either? What gave you the impression that after you became the past, he wouldn’t find any happiness?

Selfish. That’s exactly what you were. You knew it. You fucking knew it. You had always been selfish, you just refused to admit it. And the most selfish thing you want? That was him. Levi. You had all the time in the world to admit that he was what you wanted, but you fucked it up for the both of you.

You found yourself at the wharf. Leaning over the railing and gazing down at the water, watching as your tears joined the sea below. You felt hopeless, the one element you were missing in your life required him. No one could compare to him, you were certain of it.

“Y/N?” The name came from his mouth in a question. The sound of his voice only made you freeze up, arm soon rushing to frantically rid your face of tears. You stood up straight, taking in a shaky breath before turning to face him. You forced a smile, and you knew he could see straight through it. The woman who he had been with before was now standing behind him, hands on the handles of his chair as she beamed a large but sad smile at you.

“Levi.” You acknowledge, voice small because you felt the voice crack that would’ve erupted if you had spoken any louder. The woman only pushed Levi forward a little so he was beside you, looking over the ocean.

“I’ll leave you guys to talk.” The woman says before disappearing back to where they had come from. It was silent now, turning back to look over the ocean. You waited for him to start insulting you, yell at you, belittle you for leaving without a proper goodbye. Without even telling him where you planned to go.

“Are you okay?” Was the first thing that he said, and you couldn’t help but choke out a sob. After everything, he still wanted to know if you were okay. He only looked at you, his eyes following the wet streaks left behind by your tears.

“I’m… managing.” You say. “What about you? You seem… Happy.” He remained silent for a while.

“I missed you, you know.” He voiced quietly, the words making your heart throb. You looked across the sea, eyes trailing across the horizon where the sky met the ocean.

“I missed you too.” You murmured. Silence once again.

“Where have you been?” He questioned, and you lean your hands against the railing that separated the both of you from the drop to the salt water below.

“Here and there.” You say quietly, hearing him open his mouth again. The hesitance was there, you had noticed the long pause after you heard his mouth open.

“And where are you going next?” He finally asked, the question being one you yourself didn’t know the answer to. You thought about it for a moment, thinking back to the places you had been.

“I’m not sure.” You manage to get out. “Back home to Paradis, perhaps the other side of Marley. Could catch a ship and find a new land to explore, who knows?” You answered, eyes aimlessly following after a small group of seagulls that flew in the distance.

“Stay here with me.”

Your eyes widened at those very words. He wanted you to stay with him, the very thing you wanted to do before everything fell apart, and even after that. After you hurt him, scarred him with painful words you didn’t mean but could never take back, he wanted you to stay.

His voice contained a vulnerability he used to only let you hear; it could be much more different now. The woman who kept him company probably heard that same tone, your heart clenched at the thought.

“There’s nothing I want to do more than that.” You say, but you hadn’t finished. “But that woman. And what if I say cruel things again? What if… What if I hurt you again?” You choked out, few more tears rolling down your cheeks. You felt him look at you, but you refused to return the look purely because you knew you were going to break down if you did.

“I don’t care. That woman isn’t you. I only want you.” He stated firmly. He was certain about this, he had been thinking about this for months. He decided that the moment he saw you next, he was going to convince you to stay. There was no war, there was no titans. There wasn’t anything hindering what would be his happiness.

“If I stay, is that a decision you’re completely sure about?” Your voice was small, weak. Fragile, but he still somehow heard it.

“Absolutely positive.” He replied and you blew a long breath out through your lips. You pondered about what he wanted, it was a mutual thing. But you still couldn’t help but wonder, what if you went wrong again? You opened your mouth, about to speak your answer.

This is a new world. One free of war and hatred. A fresh start to all of those around you, so you thought fuck it. Why not? You can start fresh too, so you’ll do it.

“I’ll stay.”

#aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #levi x reader #levi aot #levi attack on titan #captain levi #snk levi #levi ackerman #levi x you #post war levi #snk anime #anime fanfic #anime #manga #aot manga

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anfie-in-the-box · 11 months

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Turns, twists, and paradoxes

Navigation

First | Previous

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Notes

It's been finished for a while, just didn't feel like uploading anything. It really takes effort to get the post done, with all the links, the credits, proofreading, etc.

Also yeah, it's the second x-tra! Since @zu-is-here insists on drawing illustrations for this fic, readers get more x-tra scenes!

Enjoy!

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X-tra 2

Horror hopes he knows where to shortcut to find Murder. He doesn't want him alone after a fight; never again.

Murder isn't in his room, but that's okay. Horror has a few other places to check. He can't feel the other's emotions like Nightmare can, but he knows Murder better than anyone, so of course he'll find him.

Just let him not be too late. Murder needs him.

Horror shortcuts and shortcuts. The castle is silent and empty — it's weird not to hear a single soul, no spars on the yard, no smells of cooking — someone is, was, always awake here. The castle was alive despite overwhelming, suffocating negativity, and now it's dead. For good, once Horror and Murder leave as well. It feels strange to even consider leaving the place behind, yet it's only logical — nothing stops them anymore. They can have a try at a happy ending of their own.

Horror finds Murder in one of the balconies where he sits right on the floor, breathing deeply. He's meditating, Horror knows, so he doesn't interrupt. Instead he sits quietly in front of Murder and watches his deceivingly calm features, looking for a sign of distress. Murder is particularly vulnerable before and after gaining EXP, and while Horror couldn't really help before — Nightmare would never let them comfort each other when their negative emotions were high, only after they calmed down by themselves — he can now. So he's here. It's new, so he's not sure what exactly to do, but being around people always seemed to ground Murder, if only a little, so Horror will keep him company. They worked together for so long they grew attached despite their differences and their past. Horror was at odds with most of others, mostly because unlike them, he cared about his brother and his people and couldn't even imagine killing them. In a sense, he was lucky, never once living through what they call a Genocide timeline; but he had a hell of his own.

Nightmare only picked up toys long broken, after all. Those he could bend and twist into loyalty. Some managed to escape his grasp — Cross wasn't the first traitor, not at all, although he's the only one who joined Dream and therefore put a target much bigger than usual on his back. Nightmare does not forget, and he does not forgive.

Or at least that's how it used to be. Nightmare did bow and thank them for help, after all. And earlier, he did let them go without a word.

They're not free yet, though. Maybe will never be. But now they can make a first step. Together with Murder, Horror hopes. He doesn't want to leave his partner alone.

Murder opens his sockets, mismatched eye-lights focusing on Horror.

Neither talks until Murder twitches, "Did you want something?"

"Just make sure you're alright," Horror responds. "Well, as much as possible," he corrects.

Murder hugs his knees, curling into himself. "Papyrus didn't make an appearance, if that's what you'd like to know. I don't know if it's meditation or he just doesn't feel like it."

"That's okay," Horror assures. "There's no rush anymore."

Murder lowers his gaze. "Are we really leaving?" he asks. Something in his tone breaks Horror's heart. He's come to care so much about his partner.

"I don't know," he answers honestly. "I have to ask Farmer if he's okay with it. But I don't think he'll refuse, especially if we promise to help."

"We're both unstable," Murder says. "And they're peaceful. Would it work?"

Horror knows what he's really asking. What if I snap? What if you snap? Horror doesn't know how to answer that. What he knows for sure is, "We won't be alone anymore."

Murder grins. "Don't know about you, but I was never alone in the first place. Not since you…" He quiets and whispers, smile smaller but more genuine: "Thank you."

"Thank you, too," Horror grumbles. It's not easy to be so open after years of hiding, even before Nightmare came for him, but for Murder, he can do it.

They fall silent, sitting on the cool floor, looking at each other. They're both roughed up, though not injured too seriously. Some food and a bath will heal them in a moment. Maybe good sleep, too, though they won't be sleeping any time soon. Or at least Horror won't.

"Why do you think Nightmare returned?" Murder asks, uncertain and vulnerable. He looks Horror in the eye, waiting for his response nervously.

"I think," Horror says, "Nightmare needs something he left here. Probably those precious books of his. And besides, we knew it would happen sooner or later, didn't we? We were ready as we'd ever be."

Murder nods thoughtfully, reaching out. Horror lets him touch and caress his hands. Intimacy is difficult, but Murder deserves comfort, and Horror is ready to provide.

"It's so weird seeing him like this," Murder murmurs softly. He must be scared to share his thoughts so openly, and so is Horror, but they will manage for sure. There's nothing stopping them anymore. They don't have to hurt anymore. They can heal.

"It is," Horror agrees. "Whatever happened that got rid of his corruption changed him drastically, huh?"

Murder doesn't answer — there's no need to talk anymore.

So they sit together, despite the odds, against the ever-present oppressing air of an AU with hopes and dreams long gone. They're not quite ready for whatever will come next, but Horror wants to face the future by Murder's side.

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Credits

Undertale © Toby Fox

Horror!Sans © horrortalecomic

Murder!Sans © ask-dusttale

Read it on ao3

Read Russian version on ficbook or fanficus

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Notes

I told you Murder and Horror would show up again, but did you expect it to be so soon? Even I didn't, but it really wanted to be written, so I couldn't ignore it.

。。。

Navigation

#anfie writes #x-tra dark cream #horrordust #platonic or romantic? you decide!#horror!sans #murder!sans #utmv

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salted-caramel-tea · 9 months

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honestly i love mcc i love competitive minecraft but the game just isn’t fun for anyone anymore. lots of players have dropped out are talking of dropping out or go on stream saying things like ‘this is the first mcc i’ve actually enjoyed in a while’ . like. thats not the sign that an event is successful . and i don’t really think that’s scott’s or the developers faults but it’s more so the culture around mcc that has changed drastically in the past year or so.

when i first started watching it, mcc was about cc’s learning to work together and competing in a fun event where there was no real stakes except the winners got a fun little token. mccs rise in popularity has snowballed a little to develop this culture of expectancy . as with all fanbases, some fans become a little too engrossed in the content and become a little overbearing about it creating this toxic culture of criticism under the guise of analysis . this isn’t to say that all mcc analysts are toxic or that the concept of vod reviewing and analysing a players performance is bad- but the attitude that a lot of the more vocal fans have been taking towards this has been .mm . not the best .

forcing players into rigid boxes based on their performance records and dogpiling them if they undeperform or over glorifying a players for performing above their average etc, it creates a competitive culture amongst fans trying to prove who suppprts the better player . very much ‘my dad is stronger than your dad’ kind of vibe.

this whole attitude also makes it less enjoyable for the players who may now feel a lot of pressure to conform to the expectations of their fans- of course everyone tries their best every event but if someone’s having a bad performance they’re more likely to experience genuine discomfort and self confidence issues continuing in the event because they know what people are expecting of them . even for lower ranking players it can affect self confidence because nobody expects anything of them .

its marketed deeply throughout the fandom as a for fun event with people who are naturally competitive being shunned for their competitive attitude but logging online and seeing people hating some people winning, hating on other teams for knocking their team out of top 2, refusing to congratulate the winners, even complaining over and over again that some aspects of the event like pvp and parkour are unfair to their streamer because their streamer ain’t good at them to the point where pvp and parkour games had their coin distribution rules changed . that doesn’t scream for fun behaviour .

that’s another thing . random changes to games that don’t necessarily need to be changed . the buildmart changes were good it make it easier to navigate and allowed people to move between sections faster and featured some new builds, the sky battle coin distribution prioritising the amount of time you survive over kills actually undermines the point of the game as a pvp heavy event . instead of fighting people you can get away with playing more defensively . we already have survival games for survivability . same goes for remixes i don’t think they typically go down well . some might but majority don’t tend to have a good reception .

even within the players themselves, there’s because quite a cliquey kind of dynamic where if the team with the most support doesn’t win, the winners are not congratulated. take last night for example . ponk and gumi scored their first wins, ponk being the first black person and as far as i can remember gumi being the second woc and first asian woman to win an mcc . let’s not even get into the diversity of mcc right now but only two people came into the voice call which lasted a while after the event to congratulate the team, only sylvee and scott and a few replies on twitter . ‘oh but the captain’ idc . i love him too but he didn’t win and it was a big day for the team that did with 50% of the team getting their first win and they played really well together. looking again at fan behaviour towards creators some players have felt unwelcome by the pressure of the competitive dynamic called bad sports for being upset with their own underperforming and alienated by the community for having multiple wins or because they just don’t want them in the event . that doesn’t scream for fun . and that in itself is really bad sportsmanship .

i think overall what started to kill mcc was it’s pandering really. i’ve fully done research on how scott puts together teams before but i still believe a lot of what goes into a team is how well it will be received. it doesn’t really force creators to get to know each other and work with each other it just takes groups of people who already know each other have relationships with each other and have relationships that are recognisable to the fanbase . this doesn’t allow people to meet and find new creators they might enjoy to watch and it prioritises some teams as the Ones To Watch because of certain dynamics pres t which undermines any smaller creators trying to make their way into the event . the insistence on changing games based on viewer complaints as opposed to suggestions from players themselves on how things can be improved is just odd to me too .

idk man mcc just isn’t what it used to be and a lot of people are becoming way too entitled over what they want to see there

#mcc

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vclvetfleur · 10 months

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Obedient Chapter 12

roman roy x fem!reader

Summary: The Cruises scandal finally had been released. The team is scrambling, trying to find a way to make this go away. This has brought a lot of old emotions for you. And worst of all, Jess has been cold with you.

TW: physical abuse (That one scene), Logan Roy, (c)SA, verbal abuse, childhood trauma, victim blaming

Word Count: 4.3K

Notes: This chapter takes place in Season 2 episode 6 Argestes. I hope everyone takes care of themselves afterwards if they read the chapter

Chapter 12: Barbecued Dinosaur

You had woken up to the sight of Roman’s face deeply sunken into the pillow, his mouth slightly open as he let out light snores. He looked so peaceful whenever he slept. It was the one time he didn’t feel like he needed to be on guard. He finally could relax. His hand was loosely draped over your body as it was covered by the duvet. You just looked at him for a bit, admiring his features. He truly was beautiful to you. You laid a few kisses on his face to wake him. “Get the fuck up.” You whispered. Roman let out a groan, stirring himself awake. He refused to open his eyes, scrunching his face up. He pulled the sheet over him, opening his eyes, and tried to adjust to the sudden light coming through. Roman mumbled things under his breath, you couldn’t make out anything he was saying. “Roman come on. You need to get up.” You giggled, slightly shaking him before removing the cover from his face.

“I’m up. I’m fucking up.” he said in defense, sitting up. He turned to you, seeing you still in his shirt. He loved the way you looked at him. It made him feel so safe. You kept getting calls and texts along with Roman. You turned away, grabbing your phone and seeing article after article coming up from major news corporations about the company. You felt your heart drop down to your stomach. You read up some summaries, as did Roman. “Woah-…” You whispered. “Come on. Let’s go find your dad.” You rushed, getting up quickly. You rushed to get ready with Roman, texting Jess if she was with Kendall. You needed to grab your stuff. You had forgotten them in her room. She just left you on read. Fuck. “Uh Rome, go find your dad and let me know if you see Jess out of her room.” You begged him. He nodded, trying to pull an outfit on his body before giving you a kiss and leaving you. Roman went to find his family, seeing Jess at Kendall’s side trying to read over the articles. He sent you a quick text, letting you know. You rushed to Jess’ room. You had the key since last night and just quickly grabbed your bag and ran off to your room. You got dressed and began to head to where Roman was. Jess refused to look or acknowledge Roman. Any glance she accidentally made was met with an annoyed face. Roman felt as though it was something he had seen already with Jess. She couldn’t get over what she had seen last night. Not only are you hiding your relationship with Roman, but you ditched her to go off to this weird arrangement you both had. You shortly joined, trying to do your research about what was going on. Roman began to berate the victims as if it was something that was immediately not true. “Is this something that I need a woman to explain to me why it’s bad?” He asked. You knew he was joking and on defense over a possible sexual assault scandal that he had no role in, but it hurt to hear. “Roman knock it off.” You warned. He didn’t push too much after. He still made comments on the victims but tried to not push your limit. Hugo went into the case and what was going on.

Apparently, a woman who was working for the Cruises had multiple sexual advances made on her by Moe and other people who worked for the company. And not just her, but the other staff. It had even gotten pretty physical. Roman questioned their involvement. You couldn’t believe this was all happening. You had taken a seat, trying to think of what to do from here. You were involved now. You were involved with a company that had used women in such a disgusting way. You couldn’t even believe how the room spoke about it. as if women come out to lie every day about it. Jess watched your reaction, not knowing if she wanted to help or not. She decided the other and ignored you.

Kendall was the only one who was defending the victims. Logan and Roman just justified it as if this was not their mistake and that it wasn’t that huge for the past years. Kendall actually stood up and tried to get them to actually see what was happening. It was definitely Logan's mistake though. He let this all happen under his company and swept it under the rug. You felt sick being in the room. Kendall tried to strategize, but Shiv disagreed.

Shiv gave you a look as Logan went off on rants. She felt just as uncomfortable as you did. Logan was explosive. Everyone was shortly dismissed once they finished strategizing. But you were frozen. You were lost in your own thoughts.

“Roman pick up your fucking pet.” Logan insulted. You wanted to say something, biting your cheek as Roman quickly nodded and grabbed your arm to help you up.

“Hey… everything all right there? You just get back from Nam or something?” He tried to make sure you were okay in the most Roman way. You just shook your head no. He tried to question you, asking what it exactly was.

“Roman… do you actually think those women are lying?” You asked him. You wanted to know. You needed to. It could make up how you actually thought of him. “I mean… I don’t fucking know. But that doesn’t matter. It happened so long ago. Plus, it’s not like we did anything.” He tried to rationalize with you. You let out a scoff, turning from him. You pushed him away from you, shaking your head. You coddled yourself. “That’s- Roman what the fuck is wrong with you? You can’t possibly believe that.” You panicked. Roman just shrugged, unsure of what to say to make this better. “It’s not that I don’t believe them, but I didn’t do it. Fucking dad’s creepy friends did.” He tried to explain. You just took deep breaths, trying to relax. You saw his point, but the victim-blaming hurt. You just looked at him, unsure of how to go from here. “Just- don’t say that stupid shit again.” You mumbled, walking with him. He nodded, trying to keep up with you.

You were rethinking everything about the company. If they were willing to do this and sweep it under the rug this much, what else did they hide? You felt sick. “Here, let me get you water before you- just-…” he didn’t want to keep bothering you and just went to get you a drink. Jess watched the two of you, shuddering at the fact this was what she saw it was. You lying to her, and you being involved with Roman. She couldn’t believe it. She watched Roman trying to take care of you, kicking herself for not knowing sooner. Roman never did anything for anyone. He didn’t even care if someone was upset. Why would he now? He came over to you, unscrewing the bottle cap for you and handing you the water. He looked at you with such carefulness and worry. Jess was astonished no one else picked up on this. She couldn’t believe she hadn’t. Everything made sense to her now. All the touching and the fact you basically never left each other's side. Sure, she never left Kendall’s, but she gave him space and he did the same. But you two never spent a second away from the other. She felt so disgusted. Roman rubbed your shoulder, checking on you. “Come on. We have time for the conference. Let’s just do whatever your therapist would recommend.” He tried to make you laugh, succeeding. You nodded, standing up. “What would they say? Huh? Some fucking- uh- I don’t know…” He tried to think. He had only gone to therapy maybe a few times in his life due to certain things causing him to do it as a mandatory thing and maybe once just cause he thought he needed it. But he had only had 3 to 5 sessions with each other for them to actually get to the root of any of Roman’s issues.

“We could walk outside. Or just… I don’t know. Just make me forget about it. Make me laugh or something.” You shrugged. You weren’t ever good at finding things that made you feel better. You either got over things quickly or you focused on them harshly till you had a mental breakdown. “Okay- I'm not a stand-up comedian... that’s a lot of pressure.” Roman joked. He knew he was funny. You cracked a smile, walking out of the building with him. You took in the sight of the place around you both. There were not that many people around you. Enough, but not a lot for them to even pay attention to your conversations or analyze you both heavily.

“So, is that deal with Eduard fucking done?” He asked you. “I hadn’t texted him yet. I just think we should wait till we contact him.” You reminded him once again of the scandal. You weren’t sure he was going to be so willing to be bought right now during the start of this scandal unless he was a fucking idiot. Roman let out a long sigh, looking around the two of you.

“So, is this technically our first date?” he asked you, hoping for confirmation. You gave him a confused look, breaking a smile.

“Are you asking me out?” You questioned him. Roman tilted his head, shrugging.

“Depends. Will you reject me causing me to go into a major depression that will result in me jumping off that cliff for attention?” Roman tried to convince you in his own Roman way, hoping you’d agree to this date. It was true though. You both had never had an actual date. Just the two of you going to his house, watching whatever, or having dinners together at his apartment.

“Weeeeeeell, you know how much I love dramatic gestures…” You lead him on. You smirked, before finally answering him. “Fine Roman, this is a date.” You accepted.

Roman and you both walked around before deciding on dinner with each other to finish off your walk. You both sat down at one of the only restaurants that were scattered around Argestes.

You sat down, looking through the menu, trying to find something appealing enough for you to actually eat. “Roman before you say anything, shut the fuck up.” You warned him of making a comment about your diet, knowing he didn’t approve of your diet. “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you from the cries of cows.” He mocked you causing you to kick him under the table. Despite all the playful fighting you both did to one another, you both never flinched around each other. There was a mutual understanding that you would never intentionally hurt the other. Roman never felt that way toward anyone else. He flinched around everyone, knowing they had at one point had intentionally tried to hurt him. But he couldn’t see you doing it.

“Fucking so funny. You see me? I’m practically crying from how funny you are.” You pointed at your face, keeping a bland plain look on your face.

“Fucking whatever.” He smiled to himself before the waitress finally came over to take your orders. Despite Roman hating your diet, he asked if there were even any options for you. The waitress nodded and pointed them out for you. You came to a conclusion and picked something out.

You both decided to not talk about work. It was too depressing at the moment. You both just wanted to spend whatever quiet time you both could before it went to complete shit together. It was probably going to be the last calm day before the conference happened. The company, you, and Roman were going to be under a lens for months till it finally was let go. You didn’t see this going away soon. This was going to be drawn out and long. It was going to be miserable. But you were going to stay. You were just going to have to book 2 appointments a week for your own sanity.

Roman got calls from Gerri, telling him to prep for the speeches with Hugo and her to make sure he didn’t mess this up. You both went your separate ways. You had decided to check on Jess. You hadn’t talked all morning, which wasn’t normal for the two of you. You knocked on the door, unlocking it with the key you were given. Jess had been sitting on the bed, looking over at the door as you entered. “Nope, leave.” she ordered, pointing at the door. You felt your heart feel as though it had been crushed with Jess’ own hands. “Get the fuck out y/n.” She warned you. “What- what the fuck?” You asked her, unsure what you had done to get this reaction. “Why the fuck are you-?” You asked her.

“You’re fucking Roman?” she asked, knowing what the truth was. Maybe not entirely since you never had actual sex with him, but you knew you were caught. Your features softened, revealing the truth immediately. “Yeah, I fucking saw that. Thanks for keeping that promise.” She made snide remarks.

“Jess- it isn’t-“ you began to plead, but Jess wasn’t ready to hear you. Your eyes began to fill up with tears; your body shook. You knew you were going to lose your friend over this. Not even just a friend, but the only family you actually had. “Fuck you. I told you not to get involved. And you went behind my fucking back? After everything I did for you? You would’ve never even met him if it wasn’t for me!” She shouted. You flinched, trying to keep your body small. “You’re so fucking-fucking stupid!” She insulted you. You let the tears finally fall. You felt bad, but you didn’t regret it.

Jess knew your past, using it against you to only hurt you because you had hurt her.

“Fuck- I mean… I asked for one favor. Out of these many years. After all the favors I’ve done for you. And you just go on and do this. You were hiding it too. You knew it was fucking wrong. Are you fucking serious y/n?” She couldn’t control her anger.

“I-I just- Jess…” You wept.

“Fucking pull it together. This act isn’t gonna work.” Jess rolled her eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was an act, but she wasn’t willing to find out. She couldn’t believe you’d ever do this to her.

“I-I just- it just happened Jess. Ro-roman isn’t that bad.” You tried to defend, only causing Jess to get more annoyed. “Yeah, great choice y/n. You heard him in that meeting. You heard him discredit those women. You really wanna mess with that? Even after what you went through? Huh?” She asked you genuinely. “That’s not-…” You were speechless. You had gone through enough with your own personal abuse. It started when you were fairly young, and it was a huge part that stuck with you for so long. You just stood there, crying as all the memories had been brought back up. “That’s not fair…” You mumbled, trying to speak through all the hiccups. “Just please-please don’t say anything to anyone.” You begged

Jess rolled her eyes, opening the door for you. “Please leave. I won't tell anyone about your whatever that is. I need to rethink what this was.” She admits, finally hitting a calm note. You left the room, trying to pull yourself together. You left the key at the door and left. You went to your own room, trying to stop yourself from crying. There was no way you’d return from this. You had found such comfort in Jess. Her friends were yours. You hung out with her the most. She was the only person who truly knew you. You finally relaxed after an hour. Your body was too tired to cry anymore. You just pulled yourself together before having to go prep Roman before he went out. You went backstage, finding Roman getting a debrief on what to say by Hugo and Gerri. You sat down, getting water for yourself. Shiv came through in the room to finally decide to be a part of the interview. The two boys argued about it, but the only thing you could focus on was that Jess basically acted as if you did not exist to her. She acted like you were a ghost. She sat across from you but barely paid you any mind. Cold. And the way she looked at Roman was almost as if she was plotting to kill him.

You were too out of it to give your opinions on if Shiv should speak until Shiv asked you for your input. Roman gave you a pleading look. “I-I uh- yeah, Shiv should speak. I think it gives the image of someone actually knowing what it feels like to have something happen. It gives the response all people would look for.” You sided with Shiv. Kendall tried to debunk it, but Hugo was trying to settle it. But it was just to pull Roman out of the interview with Jess stepping into agree.

“I mean- Roman is a known pervert. It would ruin the image.” Jess insulted. But Roman kept standing his ground, having Gerri defend him. Roman basically begged his father to just give him a chance. Kendall and Roman joined in insulting Shiv and smearing her in front of Logan. It was miserable to watch. The kids watched for Logan’s decision. All three of them would go.

They all soon left, standing behind the curtain, waiting to go. You were all left to watch them in the crowd, but Jess sat nowhere near you. The siblings went onto the stage and started their interview. You watched, scared of how this would happen. The boys obviously tried to discredit Shiv, while Shiv went into her most likable persona. But give it up to the two of them to try to discredit her, just to boost their reputation with their dad.

Roman was mostly silent. The only times he did talk, Shiv and Kendall looked at him as if he were an idiot. And there it was. Shiv called Logan a dinosaur. And even again, insulted in front of Nan for the second time.

The kids came backstage and began to make fun of Shiv once again. You followed Logan and the rest as he seemed to rush backstage. Your heart beated out of chest, seeing this exact look in your own father whenever it got nasty. You felt a sense of panic coming.

Logan came into the room and seemed calm enough, but knowing it was just a tactic to scare the living shit out of all three of them. Marcia began to speak for Logan. You stood away, not wanting to be caught in this. You looked at Roman, him sipping on some champagne. He giggled to himself, waiting to see Shiv completely lose whatever situation she had made with Logan. Logan couldn’t speak. He just watched everyone do it for him.

“Yeah. It was over the line. Shiv went over the line.” Kendall repeated Marcia’s concern.

Roman followed with a joke meant to embarrass Shiv. “Oh, no, it was clear. Yeah. You tortured the old dinosaur. You barbecued him live, hmm?” He giggled in between his words. In just a flash, you watched Logan turn quickly to Roman, backhanding him. You gasped, holding your hand to your mouth. You watched Roman go down, holding onto his nose as Logan’s yelling filled the room along with gasps and shock from everyone else. “Don’t fuck with me!” Logan shouted. You and Kendall ran to Roman’s rescue, grabbing his arm, trying to pull him up. Kendall stood in between Logan and Roman and protected his little brother. Kendall scolded him, pointing a finger at him as if Logan were the child. “Hey! No! Don’t fucking touch him!”

Everyone tried to defend the kids, trying to ease Logan's ego, while others tried to make sure Roman was okay. You kneeled down in front of him. “Hey hey. You okay?” You whispered. Roman tried to stop the bleeding that was running down his mouth and nose, too busy to answer you. Both you and Kendall picked him up, trying to get him on his feet. But Roman got up, acting as if it had not happened. Shiv and Kendall asked if he was okay, only getting a defensive response. “Yeah, I’m fucking fine. Fucking leave me alone. I'm fine.” He slurred. He just left, trying to deal with the tooth that was just knocked out of his mouth. “it’s just a tooth.” He tried to make it seem as though it was nothing. You had followed Roman, resting your hand over him. “Just stop.” He told you, shoving you off. Jess didn’t know how to react. She just stared in horror. She got up and left the room. All the kids did as Roman just went to the bathroom to wash his mouth out. No one was left. You finally had time to react. You let out a shaky breath, sitting down. You didn’t want to cry; worried Roman would see. You didn’t want to make this about you. It just felt too personal. Too many memories of so much came back. You just took a champagne glass and down it. Roman left the bathroom and watched you as you down a second glass.

You noticed him, holding a tooth in his hand. “Can I hug you?” You asked him. He took a while before nodding. You rushed over, holding him tightly. Roman laid his head on your shoulder. “I'm sorry Roman.” You whispered. “It’s fucking fine. God you all are such fucking babies. It’s not a big fucking deal.” He was delusional. Logan trained him too well to make him think this was just a normal relationship. Something to just expect.

“Roman... you can’t possibly believe that shit.” You pulled away. Roman refused to look at you. He wasn’t ready to be this vulnerable.

“How are you feeling the lost tooth look?” He tried to let go of the situation. It’s what he was best at. Roman dismissed everything. He constantly suppressed his feelings. He never allowed himself to feel anything. “Come on. Let’s go.” You whispered. You held his waist, trying to get him to his room. Shiv spotted the two of you, making sure Roman was okay. She felt responsible. If she had never made the dinosaur comment, maybe Roman would’ve still had a tooth.

“Hey- uh- you both going to the show? Are you doing alright?” She sounded worried. She knew how to deal with Roman’s emotions. She grew up with him, knowing he usually dealt with everything alone. Roman always took whatever people gave him and dealt with it by himself. Or manifested it in whatever terrible habit he made for himself.

“Uhm- no. I’m just gonna skip it. I’m fine. Just go have fun with the dinosaur.” He tried to joke, Shiv only laughing out of pity, hoping it would cheer Roman up.

“Okay- well… I’ll see you then… Uh- I’ll send you our dentist.” Shiv told you before leaving the two of you alone. You got Roman to his room. He just wanted to pretend as if it was okay. It was his fault. “Rome…” You tried to check up. “No- I deserved that one. I was being fucking annoying…” Roman rationalized.

You pouted, trying not to sob in front of him. “Rome… don’t-“ Your voice cracked. You pulled your hands over your face, trying to hide that fact you let a few tears go down. You wiped them quickly, still trying to hide the fact you were upset for Roman. You didn’t want him to feel even worse.

“Y/n… Come on. Don’t start.” He pleaded. You nodded, wiping your face before looking at him. Just looking at him made you start to cry. You couldn’t stop remembering how hard Logan had slapped him. It wasn’t fair to Roman. “I’m fucking fine. It’s not a big deal. Just relax.” He sounded even more defensive. Before you knew it, you heard sniffling. Not from you though. Roman looked off, pulling his body up and correcting his posture. “Roman. Please. I’m sorry for making you feel bad.” You apologize, getting up. “Why did he have to hit me?” He asked genuinely. He was hurt. He was the only one who was hit by Logan. Shiv and Kendall definitely dealt with traumatic stuff too. Mental or verbal stuff from Logan. But Roman was the only one Logan got physical with. “I mean- I’m not the one who called him a fucking dinosaur, so why the fuck did he have to hit me?” He finally let himself feel the emotions. He hid his face, looking down and scrunching his shoulders up. You quickly pulled him into a hug. You didn’t like seeing him cry, but you had to be the stronger one for the both of you.

“I don’t know Roman. You didn’t do anything wrong…” You whispered. Roman hid his face in the crook of your shoulder and neck. It was soaked with tears by the time you spoke again. “You aren’t annoying… You didn’t deserve that… You were just… you were not treated fairly.” With every sentence you said Roman cried harder, fulling letting himself feel everything.

You put him down on the bed, laying with him as he felt onto your leg and cried to you. You ran your fingers through his hair and comforted him. “I’m such a fuck up.” He cried. You shushed him and shook your head. “Noooo. Your dad just doesn’t know how great you are Rome. You’re so fucking smart. You’re so talented. And creative. You’re worth all the love in the world.” You cooed. He didn’t believe you, but he listened.

“You’re gonna be okay… I promise…” You whispered, kissing his hand.

Notes: This was a hard one to write. Again, I want to remind people this is a trauma writing piece for me. I am speaking things from personal traumas. I hope it's fine. But yea, I'm going to write what i want. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed.

Chapter 13

#succession #succession hbo #hbo succession #roman roy #roman roy fanfic #succession fanfic #roman roy x reader #roman roy x you #kendall roy #shiv roy #siobhan roy #connor roy #logan roy #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch

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mrkis · 2 years

Text

the way life goes — bonus(pt.1). (n.jm)

PAIRING: na jaemin x reader GENRE: smut, angst, fluff WORD COUNT: 33k

SYNOPSIS: you finally get inside jaemin's mind. flashbacks in jaemin's point of view could change everything.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: this is a bonus flashback chapter featuring unseen content from the original parts. 100% of this will be jaemin's pov and so will part two. jaemin's thought process and feelings will be confusing and they will remain confusing, he goes through a lot of up moments and a lot of down moments. jaemin possibly will anger a lot of you. explicit content, jaemin takes pictures of reader while they’re having sex, protected and unprotected sex, wall sex, floor sex, alcohol and drugs are present in this.

[series m.list]

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍]

Jaemin has always appreciated the things he loves. He appreciates his family, being the people that have given him life and formed him into the man he’s become today. He appreciates his camera, being the priceless item that he owns that brings him pure joy and happiness, capturing the moments of things he finds so beautiful. He appreciates his friends, being the ones that make him feel less lonely on down days and bring a smile to his face.

What he doesn’t appreciate is his personal space being disrespected and crowds of people he doesn’t know which, unfortunately, is happening right now due to Jeno inviting the majority of the fucking students from Neo Tech College without even running it by Jaemin first.

So, as of right now, he doesn’t appreciate Jeno. He hates him.

Hate is a strong word, a word that Jaemin doesn’t use that often on people, so he’s lying whenever he says he hates someone. (unless he truly means it, which is rare) He strongly dislikes Jeno, even going as far as blanking him out and ignoring his presence whenever he peers his head into Jaemin’s room to make sure he’s okay, pouting and pleading for him not to be mad in that voice that would usually make Jaemin crumble, but he stands strong, refusing to give any type of reaction… until Jeno mentions he bought him food.

That’s how Jaemin ends up here, in the kitchen, tucked away in a corner, eating fries and still disliking Jeno.

Many party goers have tried talking to him already, despite Jaemin giving them no reason to do so. No attention is brought to them, but they still seem to crave it from him which makes the little bubble of annoyance in the back of his head grow bigger. He hates being touched and if someone he barely knows runs their hands over his shoulder or his thigh one more time, he’s going to blow.

He’s ignored the advances of six girls already who failed to take the hint until he had to stare at them, giving them the most disinterested and unamused expression that had them frowning and scurrying away out of pure embarrassment, refusing to show their faces to him during the whole night, which was bliss.

There’s a handful of fries left, he thinks to himself, trying to calculate how long he’ll be in the kitchen before he’s able to slip away back up to the comfort of his bedroom. He takes his phone out of his pocket to distract himself, trying to shove as much fries as he can into his mouth without choking.

Jaemin doesn’t take his eyes off of his phone screen as he hears someone walk into the kitchen and he dreads the awful pick-up lines that are about to come, getting ready to give the person a look of absolute disgust to make them go away, but… nothing happens, nothing at all.

He hears the person walking around, opening the refrigerator, reaching for something inside. Just make yourself at home, he mentally scoffs, shaking his head at the behaviour. The person rummages around a little all too well, even speaking to themselves and Jaemin truly thinks they’ve gone insane, letting out a snort which doesn’t go unnoticed. He feels eyes on him and he hates it, it makes him feel uncomfortable and he tries his hardest to keep focused on his device but fails immediately a few seconds after, raising his head to see who it was.

It was you. Jaemin pauses his movement when he reaches for more fries. He knows you. He knows you through Jeno, you’re his friend, he’s brought you around before. He’s seen you hanging out in the living room, he’s seen pictures of you on their instagrams. Jaemin thinks for a moment, he’s pretty sure you’re Yangyang’s best friend… or was you his girlfriend? He’s positive it’s one of the two, but he knows you, and you’re staring right back at him—eyeing him, assessing him.

His brow raises at the way you’re staring at him but he doesn’t dwell on it too much, he doesn’t really care, so he decides to turn his attention back to his phone and eat the rest of his fries but is soon interrupted when a drunk voice calls out your name. Y/N. That’s your name. He’s forced to listen to you both talk, Eric having cornered you into a conversation only a mere few steps in front of him and he can sense your discomfort even without looking up from his phone.

Jaemin closes his eyes, feeling himself getting even more annoyed than he already is. There’s random people in his house, nobody is respecting his personal space, there’s no peace and fucking quiet anywhere and now he has to listen to Eric who is unable to take ‘no’ for an answer because he’s so shitfaced… Jaemin is going to lose it.

“She told you to stop” He interrupts, voice dark and heavy. His eyes flicker up from his phone, glaring holes into Eric who freezes, clearly not expecting to be spoken to in such a way. Jaemin notices the situation, your white shirt stained with beer and see-through, Eric’s hands wiping at your breasts with paper towels.

Jaemin reaches forwards, ripping the paper towels out of his hands and tossing them to the side as Eric laughs nervously, his hands dropping to his sides.

“I was just trying to clean her up—”

He cuts Eric off. “No, you were making her uncomfortable”

Jaemin stands in silence as he listens to Eric’s pathetic excuses, watching as he sways on his feet while trying to reach out for you but you reject his advances. Seems like you don’t want to be here either, huh. He sees how desperate you are to escape and the second you find an excuse to leave, Jaemin buts in, announcing that he will go with you.

The only reason he’s done this is because he knows Eric wants to say the same and it’s confirmed when Eric gives Jaemin one of the most annoyed and dirtiest looks ever but Jaemin ignores it, as usual, and moves to stand beside you. He motions for you to walk first when you take too long to do so and you instantly oblige, leaving first.

Jaemin goes to follow behind you, but not before he turns back to Eric who pathetically stands in the middle of his kitchen. Jaemin’s eyes dart towards the paper towels before they drop down to the floor, seeing the liquid and empty red solo cups scattered across the marble. He fixes his gaze back onto Eric.

“Clean. It. Up”

• • •

To be honest, Jaemin wasn’t exactly sure why he invited you to stay with him in his room. He gave you one of his shirts to wear, just to be kind and allow you to have some dignity, but to offer you a beer and to stay with him inside his room to watch Netflix? What’s he thinking? Not fucking clearly, that’s for sure.

He’s pretty sure you’ve drunk more than half of his alcohol, but that’s not your fault, he was the one that kept offering you can after can. There was no malicious reason behind it, he just didn’t want to talk or make any conversation, so he kept making you both drink to stay busy, even turning up the volume on his show whenever he felt there was a conversation coming.

The alcohol hasn’t hit him, his tolerance is quite high which he’s always been alright with, but seeing you, eyes dazed and unable to keep yourself upright, Jaemin knows he has made the biggest mistake.

Jaemin’s quick to stand from his desk chair when you suddenly jump up from your position on his bed, his hands coming out to steady you when you sway back and forth on your feet. His heart pounds heavily in his ears.

“You really can’t handle your alcohol well” He mutters more to himself than you as he carefully pushes you back down onto his bed. He sighs as he crouches down in front of you, tapping at your knees to get your attention when your eyes wander around the room, head lolling forwards. “Do you need—”

“Holy fuckk, you’re so—hiccup—pretty” You’re slurring your words but Jaemin easily makes out what you had just said. He blinks. You stare at him in awe. He blinks again, brows raising in shock. You just complimented him. Can you even see straight right now? Jaemin grins, clearly amused at your state and he tries his best to hide his laughter when your fingers reach out to touch his face. He slowly recoils back awkwardly. “Wow, your skin is soooo soft!”

“Y/N?” Jaemin calls out your name, taking your hands in his to get them away from his face. You hum, letting him know you’re listening as you give him the cheesiest smile. He bites back a laugh. “What’s my name?”

“My future b—”

“Okay!” Jaemin can’t help but laugh this time as he cuts you off, moving around to grab a spare bottle of water out of the little mini fridge he has beneath his desk. He unscrews the cap for you and presses it against your lips like he would for a baby, forcing you to take a few gulps. I really am treating you like a baby, he thinks to himself, shaking his head and fighting the urge to roll his eyes when the water dribbles down your chin.

He screws the cap back on and places it down beside the bed, keeping his attention focused on you. He notices the way your eyebrows scrunch and how your skin gets clammy.

“Are you going to throw up?” Jaemin asks you, alarmed. Please don’t fucking puke in my room. You shake your head, it makes him feel less alarmed. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel dizzy”

“Alright, lie down” He orders you with a gentle push to your shoulders, allowing you to lay back against his pillows while he quickly walks over to his computer. He checks the time. Fuck, it’s way too late to call you a cab. He huffs, shutting his computer down. He can’t let you walk home either, especially not in the dark. Jeno would beat his ass. “It’s pretty late so you can stay here tonight, alright?”

“Whattttt?” You slur, lifting your head from his pillows. “What about my friends?”

“The party was over an hour ago, they probably went home” Jaemin explains to you all while mentally cursing at them not bothering to come find you to take you away. His fingers toy with the laces of your doc martens, wanting them off your feet and most importantly, off his bed. He yanks them off with ease, not really caring if he’s pulled too hard.

“Bitches!!!!” You cry out angrily and Jaemin glances at you, wondering if you were cussing him out before he turns on his heel, rummaging through his closet to find something for him to wear, feeling the cool air nip at his bare arms.

“They probably didn’t realise, they’re drunk too” Jaemin tells you and something else dawns on him. Great. “Plus, someone might have told them they saw you come up here with me”

“Oh no” He hears you whine and his brows furrow at that. What’s that supposed to mean? “Oh shit—oh fuck—this is so bad!! I’m not even supposed to be here with you right now!!”

What. Jaemin turns to look at you once he tugs a hoodie over his head, slipping his arms through the sleeves as he makes his way back to the bed. He quirks a brow of curiosity as he sits at the edge. “What do you mean?”

“Miwoo wanted to sleep with you tonight to make Jeno jealous. Jeno apparently slept with Yeeun so Miwoo wanted to get back at him, you know, hurt him as much as he hurt her” Jaemin remains stoic, blinking as he takes in your rambling, trying to understand your drunken words the best he can. Once he’s able to make sense of what you said he hums with a nod, pursing his lips in deep thought as he thinks of the situation.

He’s friends with Miwoo, but he can’t stand Miwoo. ‘Frenemies’ he likes to call them both. They fight, they argue, they bicker, but they can get along… sometimes. Not only that, but that’s Jeno’s girlfriend. Jaemin would never do Jeno like that, ever. He respects Jeno more than any other person, even if he dislikes him for the party stuff right now. He appreciates Jeno.

“Well, even if you weren’t with me right now, I still wouldn’t let that happen. No offence, Miwoo’s pretty and all, but I wouldn’t touch her even if she was the last girl on earth and even if she wasn’t Jeno’s”

The odd look you give him almost makes him smile. “Do you have something against Miwoo?”

“She’s just not my type” He’s honest with you, shrugging his shoulders as he fiddles with the rings on his fingers. He can see that you don’t believe him, which doesn’t make sense to him at all. “I’ve never been interested in her”

“Okay, yeah, sure” You snort as you cuddle into his pillow. His brows furrow at that. That’s his favourite pillow. He watches your eyes close, allowing the sleepiness to take over as you mutter your final words. “Then who is your type? Jeno?”

Jaemin rolls his eyes at your joke, a joke he’s heard too many times from his friends and others that are far too interested in his business. A soft smile spreads across his face, unable to conceal his little chuckle as he reaches across to grab his blanket to cover you, making sure you’re comfortable but his hand freezes mid air.

He sees the jewellery sitting on top of the bedside table, the ring that he has yet to get rid of and he quickly recoils his hand from your sleeping form, almost as if he scorched himself when touching you. Jaemin sighs, tongue prodding at his inner cheek while pushing himself up from the bed, sock covered feet padding across wooden floorboards, making his way over to his desk.

He plonks himself down in his chair, running his fingers through his hair and rubbing at his neck as his eyes flicker between you and the ring. He feels guilty almost for having a girl in his bed while having the jewellery of his ex-girlfriend on his bedside table. He shouldn’t feel guilty. He has no reason to be guilty.

Jaemin’s quick to push all feelings to the back of his mind as he moves around in his chair to get comfy and closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around his middle and kicking his feet up on his desk, careful not to knock anything over as he allows sleep to take over. You’ll be gone by morning.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓]

Turns out, Jaemin likes your presence. He found you really chilled out and easy to talk to you, funny too. He’s surprised he never interacted with you like this before, but his excuse was that he was a little too preoccupied with his own life and his own girlfriend to even make new friends or get to know you, plus he always found that introduction stage a little awkward so he avoided it at all costs. It’s fair to say he regretted it.

When you woke up in his bed Sunday morning, hungover and confused, he ended up not minding that you didn’t leave straight away. Talking to sober you was pleasant even though he could see on your face that you were embarrassed from the actions the night before, but he was nice enough to tell you that everything was fine and he even let you keep his shirt that he had given you after the whole Eric disaster.

He wished he didn’t… he liked that shirt.

He even walked you home that day, something that shocked him completely after it happened, but realistically he wanted to go to Dreamies Cafe to get himself a coffee which he did. Americano. Black. His favourite.

Of course, when he got back home, Yangyang and Donghyuck cornered him, bombarding him with all sorts of questions that got under his skin while Renjun, Shotaro and Jeno sat back and watched the whole thing unfold with smirks on their faces. Jaemin was pissed off and he did his best to ignore them all when he trudged upstairs, throwing up his middle finger over his shoulder as the boys shouted provocative things behind his back.

• • •

Truthfully… Jaemin hasn’t really thought about you since Sunday morning. He continued on with his day, staying inside his room, fixing small imperfections on photoshop for his photos and listening to music. He liked being in his own little world without anyone to bother him, it’s how he prefers it. It’s what he always wants.

But here he is, on Monday morning, at college, sitting under the sun with the boys who bicker about something so stupid that Jaemin doesn’t even bother taking part in, deciding to turn on his camera and flick through the pictures he had captured over the past few days, teeth snagging at his bottom lip, deep in thought about which one he would like to work with next.

He doesn’t take notice of the squeals around him, blocking out the sounds of people greeting each other, not even taking notice of the way the grass rustles opposite him, meaning someone had sat down to take a place beneath the shade. Jaemin’s brows scrunch together in concentration as he studies a photo he took of Renjun painting earlier, happy at how natural and real it looked and he was about to zoom in to see if there was any minor details that needed fixing, but he couldn’t shake of the feeling that someone was looking at him. He hated it.

Jaemin raises his head, ready to snap at Yangyang or Donghyuck who he assumed was staring at him but his words die down in the back of his throat as his eyes lock with yours. Oh, you’re here. His eyes cast downwards to take in your appearance, almost snorting as he fights back the urge to comment on how you’re both wearing similar coloured hoodies: mint green.

He makes eye contact with you, sending you a warm smile in a way to silently greet you and he’s somewhat surprised you did it back, expecting you to shy away from having been embarrassed at what happened two nights ago. He senses you want to say something to him and he anticipates your words but you seem to forget about it when Yangyang flips around beside you, stretching out his legs across the grass and resting his head comfortably in your lap.

He definitely likes you. Jaemin pulls his gaze away from you to pull his sketchbook out of his bag as the group engage in a conversation, flipping through the full pages, scanning over his previous works before looking back at his camera. His teeth chew at his bottom lip as he studies the photos, not even noticing the way you’re looking at him now until he hears you speak, something about his project that had his head snapping up.

He looks at you confused, brows pulled together until you mention what project you were talking about. Jaemin makes a noise, flipping the pages in his sketchbook until he reaches the most recent one of Jeno before he turns it around, making sure the sketchbook was upright for you and handing it over so nonchalantly.

Jeno’s looking at him in shock, completely baffled at what Jaemin had just done. Jaemin briefly meets his eyes and Jeno gives him a look to which Jaemin ignores, moving his attention back to you, watching how your mouth opens in awe at the photo, fingers lightly tracing over Jeno’s features.

Something stirs in the pit of Jaemin’s belly when he sees the way you’re admiring his work, warmth immediately creeping up his neck. He doesn’t show anyone his photography sketchbook, being made for his eyes and his eyes only. He’s only ever shown Jeno the full book, and maybe he’s shown the others a page or two that's dedicated to them, but he doesn’t just give the sketchbook to them… no, he’s never done that.

You hand the sketchbook back over with an unreadable expression and Jaemin can’t help but yearn for your approval for some reason, wanting to hear what you think about his finish project, wanting you to-

“These are really good” You answer the questions that float around his head, making him wonder if he even said a few of them out loud. A smile slowly creeps onto his face without him fully realising it, shoving the sketchbook back into his bag as the warmth crawls even higher up his neck. “Do you always put your works in your sketchbook?”

“Not always” Jaemin tells you with a shake of his head, putting his camera carefully back into its bag. “I just put the ones I really like in there. Some are memories and some are just for aesthetic purposes… I just made a copy of the Jeno photograph because I liked it”

“That’s because I’m his favourite model” Jeno pipes up, joining in on the conversation, throwing his arm around Jaemin’s shoulder as he settles beside him. Jaemin rolls his eyes and nudges him harshly in the side with his elbow, making Jeno grunt at the brute force as he rubs the painful area. Miwoo is quick to jump in, jokingly but violently cursing Jaemin out for hurting her boyfriend but Jaemin blanks it out, reaching over to grab a bag of candy out of Donghyuck’s pile of snacks he bought.

Jaemin unwraps one for himself, throwing the treat inside his mouth with ease. He sees you still looking at him, so he offers you one, outstretching his arm in your direction and waiting for you to take one which you eventually do with a smile, thankful.

Donghyuck sees this and immediately jumps into action, cursing loudly as he snatches the bag from Jaemin’s grasp, sucking air between his teeth as he whacks the back of Jaemin’s head. He settles back down in his spot with a scowl while Jaemin glares at him for daring to hit him.

“Let’s do something after your shift ends” Jaemin hears Miwoo tell Haru and he finally focuses on the conversation despite staring down at his hands, spinning the rings on his fingers as he pretends not to listen. “We can just go for food? I’m in the mood for some grease”

“Sure” Haru nods. “That new hamburger place near work opened up a few days ago, we can go there”

“Oh! That place is amazing!” Shotaro beams excitedly and this is what makes Jaemin’s head snap up, raising to look over at Shotaro in confusion. Shotaro doesn’t go anywhere without the boys, especially without Renjun who Jaemin knows had taken him under his wing when they all first became friends. Jaemin’s eyes dart between Renjun and Shotaro, finding amusement in the way his face gets redder with the staring. “It’s where I went after I lost my virginity… we were hungry and that was the nearest place”

Jaemin hears you hum, almost cooing. “Well, that’s sweet”

The topic of who Shotaro lost his virginity comes to light, Donghyuck and Yangyang’s faces dramatically drop, coming to realise that their friend didn’t spill full details about his steamy night, betrayal and offend written over their faces. Yangyang’s sits up abruptly from your lap and the face he pulls causes you to smack your hand against your mouth to conceal a laugh that threatens to escape, the sound making Jaemin look at you.

He finds your expression adorable, especially with the way you’re smiling behind your hand with your cheeks puffed out. When you meet his eyes briefly, the corner of his lips twitch upwards in amusement before averting his attention elsewhere, listening to Shotaro explain to everyone that it was Yeji who took his virginity.

Jaemin perks up at that, familiar with who Yeji was but not exactly finding it surprising that they slept together. They’re both attractive people, they’re in the same dance major and go to the same dance studio together. Yeji’s his style. Jaemin thinks to himself, almost feeling quite proud of Shotaro for coming out of his shell and sleeping with the girl he knows he’s had a crush on for a while.

Jaemin zones out of the conversation once again, not interested in anything as he rests back against his palms, neck craning as he looks up at the blue sky with no cloud in sight, just the sun, bright and warm.

A slight smile spreads across his lips, tilting his head to the side as his fingers itch for his camera. This would make a good picture.

• • •

“Fuck, you’re so fucking—mmmph, fuck, harder!! OH MY G—JENO” Miwoo’s moans echo throughout the top floor, blending in with the sounds of Jeno’s headboard banging against the walls. Jaemin sighs heavily, tongue poking at his cheek in annoyance as he turns his music up as loud as it could possibly go, trying to block out his friend railing his girlfriend next door.

It doesn’t work. He can still hear them… he’s sure that they even got louder. Jaemin huffs as he searches around for his headphones, deciding those could be his lucky escape but his searching comes to a stop when he realises that Jeno had borrowed them recently.

Jaemin is seriously going to lose it.

He thought he would’ve had the house to himself tonight, deciding not to go with the others for lunch, wanting some peace and quiet while he edited but when he heard the two couples come home a lot earlier than planned, he knew he wasn’t going to get that peace and quiet he truly wanted.

Jaemin wouldn’t hear Haru and Renjun that well, but he knew what they were doing inside Renjun’s room. They wasn’t slick and Jaemin’s not dumb.

He contemplates on leaving the house and hanging out with Yangyang and Donghyuck who he knows are together spying on Shotaro’s date with Yeji… but he immediately grimaces at the thought, knowing that he’d end up hating it and would probably fight the duo for their stupidity.

But then, he’s reminded of you.

Jaemin knows you stayed home too, thanks to Miwoo continuously complaining about it earlier in the groupchat that he’s recently been added too (completely unwanted, it was Jeno’s idea). He doesn’t really want to leave his room and hang out with you, and he doesn’t mean that in a horrible way… it’s just that he doesn’t know you that well, despite you already sleeping in his room drunk out of your mind… but you are his only option right now, and maybe he might even like it.

It dawns on him that he doesn’t have your number and there’s no way in hell he’s going to message the groupchat to get to you. So instead, he grabs his phone from the side where it has been laying to charge and pulls up his and Yangyang’s previous messages, his thumbs rapidly tapping against the screen.

jaemin: give me ur friends number

Jaemin’s eyes squint at the message.

jaemin: please

yangyang: whttttt????

jaemin: ur friend. yn. give me her number.

yangyang: why do u want her number yangyang: do u want to see a photo of our baby shotaro on a date థ౪థ

jaemin: what the fuck is that

[yangyang sent a photo] yangyang: look at our baby [yangyang sent a photo] yangyang: this is me and hyuck hiding while watching the babies

Jaemin can feel himself get frustrated at Yangyang’s dumb responses and the sounds Miwoo makes next door fuels the fire even more, his jaw clenching in anger as he hears Jeno’s filthy words. He wants to fucking vomit.

jaemin: yang jaemin: her number jaemin: now.

yangyang: damn daddy thats hot yangyang: that wasn’t me that was hyuck yangyang: i’ll send it yangyang: don't scare her off u freak

Jaemin doesn’t even type a thank you as your contact info is sent over, immediately backing out of his chat with Yangyang to save your details. He’s tempted to call you, to make this whole ordeal faster but he decides against it, tapping the little message icon and writing out his first message.

jaemin: is this yn???

you: who is this?

jaemin: its na jaemin [read 19:27]

He blinks. He’s been left on read… what the actual fuck? Jaemin runs his fingers through his hair frustratingly, rubbing the back of his neck with a groan. Was this even you? Did Yangyang give him the wrong number to mess with him? Jaemin could feel himself getting angrier as his thumbs punched against the screen.

jaemin: hello????

you: yeah its yn

He lets out a sigh of relief.

jaemin: ok thank god i thought yangyang gave me the wrong number jaemin: can i come over

you: wht you: what***

jaemin: can i come over [read 19:32]

He’s left on read again. He doesn’t understand why you keep doing this and that fact that he can still hear Miwoo and Jeno having sex in the next room is making him even more frustrated than he already is. He needs to get out of here, he needs to leave now.

jaemin: haru miwoo & the boys got back early from the restaurant and are loud as fuck jaemin: why do they fuck so much??? jaemin: i need to get out of here asap before i lose my shit. u are my only option

Jaemin purses his lips together, wondering if the last text he’s typing out will allow him to come over.

jaemin: plus u still have my shirt

you: uh sure you: just walk straight in when u get here you: the passcode to the door is 666420

jaemin: ….

you: it was haru’s idea

• • •

“Thank you for letting me come over” Jaemin genuinely thanks you as he helps clean up the mess and repackage the leftover food he had brought over into small containers, the two of you full from the amount of food you consumed. He was grateful you let him come over to be free from the others, so grateful that he had brought over fried chicken for you both to devour on as a thank you.

It was awkward at first, sitting in silence, eating chicken and ramen (that he saw you were already eating when he came over and decided to share). But conversations started to flow, small questions being asked here and there with blunt answers that turned into long answers. It was obvious that you were starting to get comfortable with him and truthfully, he was getting slowly comfortable with you, despite keeping his answers short and simple most of the time.

Jaemin pours soda into two separate cups once you both finish cleaning up, joining each other back at the kitchen island. He slides one over to you carefully. “I didn’t really want to bother you, but I was serious when I said that you were my only option…”

“It’s fine” You dismiss him with a smile and a shrug of your shoulders. “It was getting pretty boring by myself here anyway…”

“I actually didn’t expect them to come back to the house. I know that they usually end up back here whenever they go out somewhere” Jaemin doesn’t understand why he’s explaining himself, but he takes a quick sip out of his drink anyways. “I don’t think Renjun or Jeno remembered that I was still home… they were too interested in getting their ends wet to worry about their friend who was getting scarred in the room next to them”

Jaemin's words are laced with anger and annoyance, thinking about how he’s going to rip the shit into them tomorrow but he’s surprised when he hears you try and cover your laugh, turning to look over at you with your hand over your mouth. He finds your reaction amusing, but he takes a sip of his drink to hide that.

“Play your music loud or invest in some earphones” You tell him. “They work wonders for me when the boys stay the night”

Jaemin snorts at that. “No earphones or music can cancel out the disgusting noises I heard from them tonight” His face scrunches in pure disgust, shivering as he recalls what happened and this is when you fail to hold back your laughter. His hand immediately shoots out in alarm to steady you when you almost tip too far back in your seat, hand pressed flat against the warmth of your back, letting out a small chuckle at your laughter.

He notices the cup in your hand threatening to spill over and he takes it from you before it causes any accidents, placing it down on the island as you quickly wipe away your tears.

“It’s hilarious because I know exactly what you mean. They’re loud for no reason… I’m genuinely starting to think that they try to compete against each other to see who can be the loudest sometimes”

“That wouldn’t surprise me” Jaemin admits, removing his hand from your back to run his fingers through his hair, slouching back against the seat. His eyes flicker between you and the little polaroid pictures that's stuck against the refrigerator with silly magnets, staring at the one of you and Yangyang. “You know, this is going to sound weird, but I thought you and Yangyang were dating… obviously I found out that wasn’t true when you stayed the night with me and they all teased you about it”

He sees you cringe as memories of that night fill your head. “Yeah, no. We’re not dating. A lot of people actually think that too, especially when the girls that sleep with him come up to me to tell me that my ‘boyfriend’ had slept with them…” You look at him this time. “What gave you the impression that we were together?”

Are you dumb? Jaemin thinks to himself incredulously, but he shrugs his shoulders. “He talks about you a lot. Donghyuck does too but I know he’s interested in that Aisha girl from his class… Plus, during the party, when I came downstairs to get my food, I briefly saw you sat on Yangyang’s lap”

“Oh, that’s nothing” His eyes squint at that. Is it? “We do that all the time, it’s normal. I’ve sat on Donghyuck and Shotaro’s laps before, it means nothing”

Jaemin quirks a brow. “You do know that Yangyang wants to sleep with you, right?”

“Yeah” You nod your head. “It’s not going to happen and he knows that but that doesn’t stop him from teasing or even making jokes about it… Haru is the one that shuts it down whenever it gets too much”

His lips press together in deep thought. “Would it be different if he wanted to date you?”

“No” He blinks at the immediate response, not expecting that quick of an answer and not exactly expecting you to say ‘no’. “I just… I’m not interested in dating or being in a serious relationship, you know? I’m not really ready to get into a relationship with anyone… the last relationship I had was actually with Eric and that didn’t exactly turn out great on my end”

He can’t help but ask, “What happened between you both? I could tell something was off during the party… you looked uncomfortable”

“It’s a long story. Maybe another time, okay?” Your answer was short and simple, straight to the point which Jaemin understood completely. He nods his head, respecting your decision in keeping private about your past relationship, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about it. It must’ve ended badly for you to respond like that, Jaemin thinks as he chews on the inner skin of his cheek. He knows who Eric is… Of course he knows who Eric is. Eric used to be one of Jeno’s closest friends, always hanging out at the house, always partying with Jeno whenever they possibly could.

Eric was, admittedly, Jeno’s partner in crime. They did everything together that included parties, drugs and girls. While Jaemin was the angel on Jeno’s shoulder, Eric was the devil. Jaemin never got jealous over Eric, he had no reason to. They both shared the same best friend but Jaemin means something different to Jeno than what Eric did.

Besides, Eric hasn’t hung out with Jeno in three months which Jaemin now realises it’s because of you. Whatever happened during the breakup between you and Eric caused Jeno to completely cut off ties with the latter, no longer involving himself in his business anymore, not even giving a nod of acknowledgment when they pass by each other in college or at a party.

You’re quiet now, which Jaemin starts to notice after a few minutes of silence and he begins to somewhat feel a little bad for bringing your past relationship up in conversation. He wants to tell you that he knows exactly what you’re going through, having been in a serious relationship himself, but a sickly feeling churns in his stomach when he’s reminded of his ex-girlfriend, and he instantly refuses to even bring light to that topic.

“Why don’t you—wait, no. How come you won’t sleep with Yangyang if all he wants is just sex?” He brings up the Yangyang subject again, not wanting to stray too far from the conversation due to his genuine curiosity and nosiness. The way you turn your head towards him and give him a confused look allows him to continue. “You say you don’t want a relationship with anyone because you’re not ready, which is fine, but all Yangyang wants to do is have sex with you, right? How come you’re against having sex with him if that’s just all it is?”

“Oh” You blink, awkwardly pushing your hair behind your ears. “I, uh, I haven’t had sex in, like, three months and during that time period I’ve been telling the girls that I don’t want to really hook-up with anyone and I guess I would feel kind of embarrassed if I ended up sleeping with someone after trying to convince them that I don’t need anyone and that I’m not interested”

“Convince?” He repeats what you said, raising his brow as he gives you a look. “So… you do want to have sex?”

“I don’t know?” Jaemin gives the most blank look at your answer, not impressed at all and when he hears you groan, he knows you’re about to explain yourself. You duck your head, avoiding his gaze which he finds amusing. “Look, I do miss it. Of course I miss having sex, who wouldn’t? I miss the feeling of someone's hands touching my body. I miss the feeling of being kissed. I miss the feeling of when I’m about to…you get what I mean, right?” Jaemin raises a brow at that. “The thing is, I’m stuck. I’m not ready to date anybody and I definitely don’t want to sleep with my friends either, it’ll make things weird”

Jaemin’s quiet as he takes in your words. He understands, he really does, but he can’t stop the thoughts that circle through his head. Thoughts that don’t even make sense, thoughts that make a lot of sense. Maybe some thoughts shouldn’t even be said aloud but he can feel the question on the tip of his tongue.

When you get up from the kitchen island to busy yourself by washing your glass, Jaemin’s eyes follow your movements before his own chair scrapes across the floorboards as he stands, slowly following you. Why is he following you? What is he doing? He wants to sit back down, to drop this conversation but he can’t.

“What if you were able to sleep with someone without having to worry about getting into a relationship or ruining a friendship?” What the fuck is he doing.

“Huh?”

Jaemin comes to stand beside you, casually leaning his elbows on the counter as he looks at you. “What I mean is that if you could have sex and do all that stuff that you claim to miss so much without to having to actually get into a relationship or ruin a friendship, would you do it?”

“If you’re talking about one-night stands, I don’t do them” You inform him, immediately shutting that idea down. “I’m not going to sleep with some random guy”

A small smile seeps onto his lips. “I’m not talking about one-night stands” He pauses for a moment, tongue poking at his cheek as he thinks about the next words to say, trying to give hints, trying to make you figure out what his absurd thoughts are. He doesn’t want to say it himself. “What if someone you know was willing to help you out with all that… stuff?”

“Like a friend? A friend with benefits?” Your brows knit together in confusion. You frown. “But I said—”

“But that said friend would also be down for it too” He cuts you off before you can continue, fingers drumming against the counter top. “As in, he doesn’t want a relationship out of it, he just wants the same stuff that you want”

“No, I can’t have sex with my friends” You tell him, shaking your head. He mentally facepalms himself, slowly losing his patience with you even though he knows he’s not exactly helping you get the hint. Why is he even doing this in the first place? “I’ve been friends with those guys for too long and I don’t want to risk anything… Donghyuck and Yangyang—”

“I wasn’t talking about them”

The way your eyes almost bulge out of your skull is comical to him. “SHOTARO?! No way!! I couldn’t!! He’s crushing hard on Yeji right now and—”

Jaemin’s tired now. “Not him either”

You frown again. “...Jeno and Renjun are dating my best frie—”

“I’m talking about me” Dumbass. Absolute dumbass. Jaemin sees you struggle to form a sentence, mouth opening and closing like a fish, eyes wide with shock. He sighs, resting his chin on the palm of his hand to look up at all, staring back so calm and collected despite his brain mentally cursing at him. “You can do all that stuff you miss with me. We just met so I’m not some random guy and we haven’t been around each other that much to form a friendship so there’s nothing to ruin, and besides, as much as I hate to bring it up and admit to it, I’m also in the same position as you. My own relationship ended a few months back and I’m really not ready for any sort of relationship with anyone… but I miss the sex too”

You’re silent and it annoys Jaemin. He wants to know what’s going on inside your mind, he wants to know what you’re thinking, especially with your brows pulling together every so often in deep thought. But he waits patiently, understanding that saying what he did so suddenly is probably too much to handle.

He can’t even believe what just came out of his mouth, even though everything he said is the truth. He does miss sex and no way in hell does he miss a relationship. He has needs, just like everyone else, and he has a lot of pent up frustration. General frustration with life? Definitely. Sexual frustration? Most definitely!

Jaemin fiddles with the rings on his fingers as you take your time to gather your thoughts and the second he sees you start to relax at the idea, something soars in the pit of his stomach. A gentle smile dances across his lips, adjusting his glasses that begin to slip down his nose and you slowly begin to nod, now completely opening up to the idea and Jaemin feels giddy… he feels excited. Is he excited about starting a friends with benefits relationship? Sure. Is he excited about finally being able to get laid after so long? Extremely, and he hopes you are too.

Jaemin’s hands reach out towards you slowly, making sure that you are completely okay with him touching you and once you give him the go ahead with a simple nod, his fingertips are grazing over the skin of your arms. Your skin feels soft beneath the pads of his fingers and the goosebumps that rise makes him fight the urge to grin.

“So…” Jaemin speaks up first, licking his lips as his eyes flicker to your own. He swallows. “Can I kiss you?”

He can see how surprised you are at his sudden question. Even he is surprised, but as always, he keeps a straight face. He’s good at that, keeping straight faces and remaining stoic, not allowing anyone to see his true feelings and emotions. It’s a talent, he thinks, but is it a good one or a bad one?

Embarrassing to admit, but Jaemin really wants to feel a pair of lips against his again. If he can kiss without thinking of her.

Jaemin hides the grimace as his ex-girlfriend flashes through his mind. Her laughter, her voice, her smile… It all rolls into one and Jaemin’s about to take a step back, to drop his grip from your arm and tell you that this was a mistake, that he doesn’t want to do this anymore, that’s he’s not ready for anything until—

“Okay”

Hearing your approval, Jaemin ducks his head down, turning at an angle to push his lips to yours with ease. It’s soft, gentle and a little hesitant. You taste like fried chicken. Not something Jaemin would like to taste during a kiss but he knows he probably tastes the same, so there’s no need to complain. He’s shocked when he feels your fingers curl around the front of his shirt, slightly tugging him closer to you but you both break apart for air.

He’s slow to open his eyes, maybe even a little anxious to do so in case he sees her. He always sees her. But once his eyes are fully open, he sees you. Just you. Jaemin’s heart feels heavy in his chest as he looks at you, your eyes also beginning to open, your chest raising up and down at a quick pace from breathing so heavily.

The way his chest tightens and how his heart feels like it’s sliding painfully down to the pit of his stomach makes him feel a little bit emotional when he doesn’t see her face on yours. He wants to reach out, to touch your face, to see if this was real but he knew it was.

Jaemin swallows harshly. He kissed girls before after his breakup, going through a bad period of time where he partied until the crack of dawn, drunk until he couldn’t no more, took special pills to make him numbed out and tried to sleep with women to forget all about his ex-girlfriend, but that’s all he could see. No matter how hard he tried to forget and no matter how hard he tried to sleep with other people, she always lingered in his mind. He saw her face on every single woman, taunting him, smirking at him.

But here with you, after kissing you, he doesn’t see her.

Her. Eunbin. She’s gone.

But will it be for good? Jaemin doesn’t want to think about it too much, he refuses too. He wants to enjoy this moment.

And with that, he mirrors the smile that spreads across your face, a wave of relief washing over him as his hands reach out to cup your ass to lift you up, placing down you on the kitchen counter behind you before moulding his lips with yours, the thrilling rush that you give him making his body buzz.

He could get used to this.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒]

Jaemin found it insane how quickly he felt comfortable with you. He’s aware that it hasn’t even been twenty-four hours of having this friends with benefits relationship with you but he can’t help but feel the way he does… and it’s because he can’t see Eunbin.

Your touch and your lips so far overcrowd his mind with thoughts and feelings that doesn’t even involve his ex-girlfriend, something that he’s been struggling with for months and months on end, constantly being unable to look or to even think about another girl without seeing Eunbin.

There’s been so many failed attempts with girls Jaemin can’t even remember the name of only because he was unable to take his mind off of—

It doesn’t even matter. It’s different now. Everything seems… different, in a good way… in a really good way considering Jaemin is laying on top of you in his bed, lips attached to your jaw, sucking and nipping at your skin.

He invited you over after both of your classes ended, knowing that the boys wouldn’t be home until later on after Donghyuck and Yangyang both got tricked into treating the others for lunch. They won’t be back for two hours… two hours of just you and him, in his bed, doing whatever you both wanted to do. It was exhilarating and he could feel himself get excited, boner pressing against you, desperate for contact.

But it ends before it can even begin.

“Okay, wait” He hears you mumble breathlessly, your palms heavy against his chest as he feels you push him back. He leans his weight onto his knees to give you some space and some air, watching as your chest rises up and down rapidly. “Stop for a second”

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jaemin asks you, his tongue poking out from behind his lips, getting a brief taste of the lip balm you’re wearing, making his tastebuds buzz. He can’t help but feel alarmed at the sudden order to stop, ducking his head downwards to scan your face for any signs of regrets or hesitations, making himself wonder if he’s come on too strong or has done something completely wrong. It’s been a while, he thinks, chewing at the inner skin of his cheek. He takes your face into his hand to grab your attention when you take too long to answer. “Y/N?”

“I’m fine, it’s just…” The pause in your words make his body tense. “I think we should probably talk about some stuff before we dive deep into this friends with benefits type of thing… you know?” Oh. Jaemin nods his head in agreement, rolling himself off your body and shifting comfortably beside you, pushing his hair out of his face.

He leans up on his elbow, looking down at you with a curious expression, wanting to know what’s going through your head. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Rules? Maybe?” The suggestion almost makes him snort but he stops himself when he sees how nervous you actually are. “I think we need some rules”

“Rules…” He repeats, nodding his head slowly. “What kind of rules?”

He finds it funny the way you avoid his eyes when you raise one finger. “Rule one: No couple stuff. We can’t talk about the idea of boyfriends and girlfriends… we can’t take each other out on dates or buy each other gifts. We can’t act like couples do”

“Okay” Jaemin hums, agreeing completely. “But what about hanging out?” Your eyes dart to him this time and Jaemin smiles. “What I mean is, what if I want to hang out with you, grab a bite to eat, go to a party together… etcetera etcetera”

You purse your lips in deep thought. “Sure, that’s fine. As long as we don’t label it as a date or anything… it should be fine”

“Cool”

“Rule two: No telling anyone about what’s going on, especially our friends… they’ll make a big deal out of it. Let’s keep it on the downlow from them for a while, okay? Let’s not make it public” Jaemin isn’t too sure about that one as he slowly nods, not fully understanding why he couldn’t tell Jeno that he was sleeping with you. He understood not telling Yangyang, but why not Jeno? He tells Jeno everything. Jaemin didn’t like rule two. “And that means we’re not exclusive fuck buddies, if that’s what's going through your head… you can still fuck whoever you want, whenever you want”

His attention immediately snaps towards you as soon as those words leave your lips, meeting your eyes with furrowed brows. “I don’t want to fuck anyone else. I just want to fuck you”

The way you stare at him so shocked and speechless makes Jaemin think he’s said something wrong. It’s the truth, he internally pouts, why would he want to sleep with anyone else? He doesn’t see her when he’s with you. You’re the successful attempt at getting Eunbin out of his mind for good… why would he need to seek out someone else for that?

The corner of your lips shyly lifts at his words. “Cool”

Jaemin smiles and this time, he reaches for your hand to take ahold of your ring finger, holding it up to join the others to make a three. “Rule three: No feelings, no falling in love and no getting jealous”

You scoff at that, which makes Jaemin crack another smile. “Obviously… although, that might be a little hard for you…” Now he’s confused, scrunching his brows together as you wink and blow a kiss his way. “I’m quite the catch”

Oh. Jaemin blinks. That was kinda funny. He grins, telling you to playfully shut up with a quick nudge to your shoulder that has you giggling before your attention resumes on your three fingers. He watches your brows pull together in deep thought, tongue peaking out from beneath your lips and he shakes his head. Cute.

“Does that sound okay to you?”

Jaemin forces himself back to reality. “What?”

“For rule four: we talk to each other… we tell each other everything, every problem, every concern… full honestly at all times, okay?”

“Sounds cool with me” Jaemin nods as he smiles down at you and he’s immediately surprised as you crane your neck upwards to reach his lips, kissing him so tenderly that it makes his chest hurt. He chases your lips when you pull away a little too fast, not wanting to part any time soon but you’re shaking your head rapidly, holding him at arm's length to prevent him from getting closer.

Lips still puckered awaiting for kiss, he’s left wondering why you’re quick to move away from him until he hears the clutter of noises downstairs, rolling his eyes in annoyance when he realises the others are home a little too early for his liking. His tongue pokes at his cheek in frustration as he slides off his bed, bare feet padding across the wooden floorboards towards his bedroom door which he cracks open, shoving his head between the opening to see if the boys are making their way up the stairs.

Coast is clear, Jaemin thinks. He closes the door, locking it for extra privacy, easily knowing that if any of them come upstairs they’ll try and see what he’s doing first, just to bother him. He lays back down beside you, your quiet laughter filling his ears as he scoots in closer, unable to resist the urge to reach out for you.

The way you feel beneath his fingertips is exhilarating, the shivers that run down his spine from just a simple touch of your lips shoots straight to his cock. You, admittedly, look fucking perfect laying here beside him, staring at him with so much want and need, something he hasn’t seen for a very long time and it makes him excited, especially when he catches you presses your thighs together.

His middle finger pushes down on your lip and he goes to pull back, to whisper a small apology if he hurt you but you open your mouth voluntarily, sucking his finger into your warmth, tongue swirling around his digit as if it was his cock.

Oh god. Jaemin struggles to gulp, his eyes widening in shock before he lets out a dark chuckle, his head swarming with filthy scenarios as he presses his middle finger down harder on your tongue, even adding his index finger into the mix and thrusting the two inside your mouth, heavily breathing at the way you’re sucking him so nicely.

You’re affecting him so badly that it’s starting to scare him, but he can’t seem to stop, completely captivated by you and only you. Jaemin thinks about how badly he wants to fuck you right now, about how he wants to beneath him, to watch your face as he makes you cum for the first time but he doesn’t want to rush… there’s no point in rushing… Jaemin likes taking it slow.

So, he gently removes his wet fingers from your mouth, keeping his eyes locked on yours as his hand trails down your body, stopping just above the sliver of skin that shows beneath your belly button, your skin hot to touch but he doesn’t care once his hand slips under the waistband of your shorts.

Your gasping hits his ears and he fills with cockiness and pride, a finger stroking your folds all while he leans up on his elbow to get closer, smiling down at you teasingly with his head tilting to the side.

“You’re gonna have to be quiet… you know the boys are home” Jaemin whispers to you, his middle finger rubs up and down your slit, gathering your arousal which makes him swell with pride again. He waits for you to say something, anything, but when you don’t, his eyebrow raises slyly. “Unless, you want them to hear you?”

“No” You shake your head. “I can be quiet”

“Yeah?” He mumbles, holding your gaze once you finally meet his eyes. Jaemin bites back a groan as he sinks two fingers into your pussy and you immediately clamp around him, a gasp leaving your lips and head flinging back against the pillows. He grins at the satisfying reaction, leaning even closer to you. “You sure, baby?”

Jaemin internally panics at the affectionate name that slips all too naturally from his lips, almost reeling back away from you to scold himself, but your reaction isn’t what he expected. He was expecting disgust, to be hit, to be reminded about the rules and immediately told to stop this situationship before it even began… but you look shy. You’re refusing to meet his eyes, you’re looking anywhere but him. You like it. Jaemin thinks, calming himself down from the panic rising in his chest. You like it. Does that mean rule one broke already?

“You’re annoying” Your voice snapping at him breaks him out of his thoughts. You’re trying to be irritated with him, it seems, but he knows it’s not working by how you react to his thumb rubbing circles on your clit, trying your hardest not to make any noises which now Jaemin desperately wants to hear.

“That’s not nice to say to someone who has their fingers inside your pussy right now” Jaemin tuts at you, his smirk returning as he forgets all about his problems, pressing his fingers against your spongy walls as he allows himself to say the words freely. “Am I making you feel good, baby?”

• • •

Jaemin’s going to lose his mind in the matter of ten seconds and Yangyang or Donghyuck are going to be his first target. Maybe even go after Jeno for putting him in this position in the first place.

After making you a mess on his fingers, Jaemin was expecting to move onto something… more. You seemed up for it to, clinging to him so desperately and moving your hips against his that almost made him fuck you right then and there… if it wasn’t for Jeno interrupting the first time.

Jeno knocked on the door which ruined the mood immediately. You obviously didn’t want to fuck him anymore, which Jaemin respected completely and didn’t pressure you into continuing as he decided to speak to Jeno, who repeatedly knocked the door to get Jaemin’s attention. Jeno bought him some supplies from an art store downtown. He handed a bag filled with film for his camera, a new sketchbook for his photographs and a cheap polaroid camera. Jaemin was thankful, he’s always thankful, but his thankfulness slipped away when Jaemin realised what art store Jeno visited. Strike one.

Jeno didn’t leave after giving Jaemin his gifts, deciding to explain why he got them for him, knowing that Jaemin doesn’t like going to that art store anymore because of Eunbin. Eunbin used to work there. Jaemin tries to forget it, Jeno reminds him. Strike two.

Jeno still didn’t leave. Instead, he asked for Jaemin’s camera. Jeno is the only one that allowed to touch his precious camera, which Jaemin didn’t mind, but finding out Jeno wanted to use it to start up an onlyfans… again… he was over this conversation. Strike three.

Jeno finally left. But no, that wasn’t the end of it, how could it be? With Jaemin’s luck? Jaemin thought he was free, that he could spend some time with you, maybe even ask if you wanted to finish the TV Show that you both started together when you first met. Jaemin wanted to talk more, to find out more things about you, to talk to you about stuff, stuff that involved you. But you found the ring. That stupid ring. You wanted to talk about the ring. He couldn’t. He won’t. Strike four.

Jaemin thought he’d catch a break after the fourth strike. But things continued to happen. Things that were completely out of his control. Well… He did shove his hand down your panties and make you cum, fully knowing that you weren’t going to be as quiet as you said you would be. And, unfortunately, that resulted in Jeno hearing everything and outing the both of you on a groupchat with the others which, by the way, Jaemin got involuntarily added into.

So, that’s now brought him here, sat on his bed with the most expressionless expression on his face, fighting back the urge to attack everyone that’s entered his personal space. His safe space.

His eyes flicker to Donghyuck who’s sprawling across his bedroom floor, babbling some bullshit that Jaemin can’t fully understand, his words too jumbled and fast for him to make out any sentences.

Looking at Yangyang, Jaemin’s teeth grind together in annoyance at his screams, watching as Yangyang pulls at his hair in disbelief as he sees you sitting on the bed. Yangyang falls to his knees dramatically, to which Jaemin scoffs at, and Yangyang crawls over to you, shoving his head into your thighs as he complains: ‘Why Jaemin?’ ‘What did he do to you?’ ‘How can he do this?’ ‘You’re corrupted’ ‘My poor girl’.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jaemin mumbles under his breath, brows pulling together in confusion despite the twinge of anger he feels in his gut. But that soon slips away when he sees Yangyang crumble to the floor when you abruptly leap off of the bed, a screech ripping from the back of your throat as you launch yourself at Jeno who makes a joke about your lack of quietness.

Jaemin’s lips curl into an amused smile as he sees your dainty hands wrap around Jeno’s neck, attempting to strangle the life out of him and threatening him if he speaks another word but Jeno doesn’t even budge from his spot despite you trying to shove him backwards by his neck. A smirk remains on Jeno’s face, his arms slipping around your waist and tugging you in close for a hug regardless of your feeble attempts at trying to hurt him.

Renjun stands at the side, recording the events on his phone with a grin and Shotaro cowers behind him with wide and frightened eyes, watching the scenes unfold and before Jaemin can even attempt to kick them all out of his room, Miwoo and Haru come bursting through the door, eager to find out exactly what was going on and almost knocking his computer off of his desk when they all try to fit into his room.

Strike five. Jaemin lost it

• • •

“Morning” Jeno greets Jaemin one morning as he emerges from his bedroom, dragging his sock covered feet across the floorboards as he shuffles into the kitchen, hair messy and unkempt from twisting and turning around in bed during his sleep, eyes puffy and swollen, unable to see anything but fuzzy outlines and shapes. A deep grunt rumbles from Jaemin’s chest, too tired to give a verbal answer as he makes himself a cup of coffee, needing the caffeine to wake him up fully.

Jeno watches him from the kitchen island, one hand scrolling through his phone while the other holds a breakfast bagel, something that Renjun generously made for Jeno, Shotaro and himself for being the only ones that were up early this morning before the other two left together, leaving Jeno alone which he didn’t mind. Yangyang and Donghyuck are still in bed.

Jaemin feels eyes on him but he doesn’t comment on it, deciding to silently sit opposite Jeno with a steaming hot cup of coffee, wrapping his fingers around the mug to keep warm and taking a generous sip, closing his eyes at the satisfying burn that runs down his throat.

“Better?” Jeno’s lips curl up in amusement at Jaemin’s quick nod. Jeno takes a bite into his bagel, eyes flickering down to his phone as another explicit message comes from Miwoo. “So… are we finally gonna talk about the thing?”

Jaemin’s brow raises at that. “What thing?”

“The you and Y/N thing” Jeno’s eyes flick back up to Jaemin as he hears a grunt. Jaemin doesn’t speak, instead he takes another sip of his coffee, basically allowing Jeno to continue. “You sure you’re ready to jump into whatever thing you got going on with Y/N? Are you sure you’re in the right mindset for that?”

Jaemin doesn’t want to talk about this. Not right now. Not when things are going well for him… a little too well. “I’ll be fine”

“You sure?” Jeno pushes on, switching off his phone to give Jaemin his full attention, leaning his elbows on the kitchen island as his face comes nearer. His voice dips low in warning. “Jae…”

“I said I’ll be fine” Jaemin’s tone comes out a little harsher than expected, but the cold stare he gives Jeno doesn’t make him back down from his own stare. Jeno doesn’t believe it, Jaemin thinks to himself as he gulps his coffee. He doesn’t really blame Jeno for not believing him, knowing that he’s been with him through his toughest and darkest times. “We want to do this… we both agreed to it, alright? And we made rules”

“Rules?” Jeno’s brow raises in confusion and Jaemin recites them all to him, counting the rules on his fingers. Jeno seems to be taking this information well, nodding to every rule that’s listed and even adding comments at certain ones that make Jaemin roll his eyes in annoyance.

“They’re pretty straightforward” Jeno mumbles, rubbing at his jaw, somewhat seeming a little unsure now. “So, what happens if you break one of the rules?”

“I don’t know, I guess we call it quits or something” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders, bringing the coffee to his lips to take a quick sip as he’s reminded of what happened earlier. “I accidentally broke one—”

Jeno snickers. “Already?”

“Shut up” Jaemin deadpans, holding up his hand to shush Jeno. He continues. “Anyway, I accidentally broke one that day you found out about it and I panicked thinking that I fucked things over… but, she didn’t say anything? So I’m assuming things are okay”

“What rule did you break?”

“Rule one, no couple stuff. I called her ‘baby’...”

“I don’t think that counts” Jeno says as he takes a bite of his bagel and Jaemin’s head snaps up, his eyes narrowing in on Jeno’s face. He sighs, thickly swallowing his food before giving Jaemin the explanation he is waiting for. “It’s just a petname… think about all the people in college that call each other shit like that. Plus, before Haru and Renjun got together and they were in their weird little fuckbuddy stage, he was calling her all sorts of names. Yangyang calls strangers ‘sweetheart’… you’re fine, don’t worry about it, alright?”

Jaemin’s lip form into a tight smile. “If you say so”

“I know so” Jeno’s right eye drops into a smug wink to which Jaemin scoffs at, downing the rest of his coffee to be able to stand up and leave this conversation, but the look on Jeno’s face shows that he’s not done. That there’s something more he wants to say.

Jaemin stays seated, staring over at Jeno as he waits for him to speak up but there’s nothing, there’s just silence. Jaemin hates it and he internally struggles with himself, the voice in the back of his head urging him to ask what was weighing in Jeno’s mind but another voice fights back, telling him that he doesn’t need to know… that he doesn’t want to dwell on this conversation any longer than he has to.

But, of course, Jaemin happens to have no choice when Yangyang makes his appearance, sleepily walking into the kitchen while rubbing his eyes, sweatpants hanging low on his hips. A girl, who Jaemin has never seen before, trails behind him wearing one of Yangyang’s shirts and holding her own dress in her hands, not even shying away from the eye contact that Jeno and himself give her.

Donghyuck appears a second later, yawning loudly as he brushes past the mysterious short haired girl, greeting her with a nod of his head before grabbing a bowl and a cereal box, joining the two boys for his breakfast while Yangyang reaches for something out of the top cabinet, slipping it into the girls hand.

She grins, patting Yangyang’s cheek as a thank you before slipping out of the kitchen. The front door opens and shuts just as quickly, the boys turning their heads towards the window to see her retreating figure down the concrete walkway.

Jeno slowly turns in his chair to face Yangyang. “You do realise she just left with your shirt, right?”

“I do now” Yangyang mutters, grabbing two pieces of bread and sliding them into the toaster. A groan leaves his lips as he stretches out his shoulders, hissing in pain as he rubs the back of his neck. “Fuck, my neck is killing me”

“I told you” Donghyuck’s lips curl into a smirk as he shoves a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “She’s a freak”

“Did you both fuck her?” Jeno asks them both nonchalantly. Jaemin pulls a straight face, putting down his coffee, completely losing his appetite. The mere thought of his two friends sleeping with the girl in question makes him grimace, not wanting to picture them in such a position.

Donghyuck’s mouth drops open in offence. “No?!”

“Please, Donghyuck and I haven’t done that shit since he became obsessed with Aisha” Yangyang scoffs, joining them at the table. He sits beside Jaemin, his knee knocking against his. Jaemin presses his lips together, holding back the words that sit at the tip of his tongue, rubbing the forming bruise on his knee as he keeps his eyes on the wall behind Jeno’s head. Yangyang takes a bite of his toast as he stares at Jaemin. “So, you and Y/N?”

“How did that even happen?” Donghyuck asks, not giving Jaemin a chance to reply to Yangyang. He leans back in his chair, looking at him in disbelief. “No offence but out of all the people she would have decided to sleep with, why you?”

“My charming personality” Jaemin gives Donghyuck a fake smile, batting his eyelashes.

Donghyuck’s eyes dip low to where the kitchen island presses against Jaemin’s middle, his eyebrow raising suggestively. “Charming personality huh?”

“Don’t tease him” Jeno warns, giving Donghyuck a pointed look to which he whines at, throwing himself back into the chair. He goes to retaliate but Jeno shakes his head. “I’m serious. Don’t”

“We’re just curious” Yangyang is quick to defend his friend just as Jeno was to Jaemin. Jaemin’s jaw hardens at the eyes that drill into the side of his head, almost giving up and turning to knock Yangyang off of his seat but he remains calm, that is until Yangyang opens his mouth again. “Have you fucked her yet?”

“I will before you ever will” Jaemin snaps, head slowly turning to Yangyang whose face pales slightly. Donghyuck’s mouth drops, blinking in shock while Jeno groans, holding his head in his hands. A satisfied feeling washes through Jaemin, his body buzzing as he struggles to hold back the smile that creeps up onto his lips, especially when he sees Yangyang struggling to find his next words.

Jaemin knows he could have worded it better, or not even hint towards anything of the sort, but he couldn’t handle the teasing anymore and he was desperate to put Yangyang in his place. Yet the smile slowly slips from Jaemin’s face as he realises how quiet Yangyang is now and that he refuses to meet his eyes, fully realising that he must’ve hit a nerve.

Do you care? He thinks to himself, teeth gnawing at the inner skin of his cheek. Jaemin doesn’t even bother answering the question that lingers in his head as he excuses himself, placing the empty mug into the sink before he slips out of the kitchen, ignoring the looks he receives from the others. I shouldn’t care.

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐒𝐄𝐗 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐓]

Jaemin easily makes himself at home when he enters your empty apartment, already knowing the passcode to the door by heart after having to press it in so many times when he comes over. He kicks his shoes off by the door, neatly pushing them together with his foot before he shuffles down the hallway in a direct beeline for your bedroom.

Being at your place has, without a doubt, become second nature to him. He’s unable to count on his hands how many times he’s been over, with or without you. Admittedly, he’s usually here when you are, but on days like today, where you’re a little bit busier than usual at college, he comes over alone and waits for you inside your bedroom.

He knows Haru and Miwoo are finishing their classes late too, which he’s happy about as he doesn’t have to make conversation with either of them (not like he does anyways, it’s only one-worded conversations when they ask him questions). Jaemin drops his bag down at the bottom of your unmade bed before he climbs into it, laying down with a huff as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, deciding to mindlessly scroll through his instagram feed as he waits for your arrival, hearting the pictures that appealed to him the most and a few pictures that the others have posted.

He pauses on one that is recently uploaded by Miwoo, bringing the device closer to his face as he takes in the photo of the three of you in class, holding finger guns to your temples and all pulling different facial expressions, yours being the least amused one while the other two poke out their tongues and act dead.

Jaemin’s eyes can’t help but linger on you a little longer than usual, his lips forming into a grin with his finger tracing over your face but the touch causes the screen to swipe up and onto the next post, the grin immediately slipping away as he sees the photo and the username.

Eunbin, the simple username reads and the picture of her in her art studio with paint smeared across her cheeks and a cheesy smile on her face stares right back at him, almost making Jaemin want to squeeze the phone in his grasp and shatter it to pieces. But, instead, he finds it hard to breathe… he finds it hard to swallow with the way his throat closes and his heart aches.

He shuts off his phone, dropping the device to his chest as he tries to steady his breathing, feeling a panic rise as the image of her overcrowds his mind. Jaemin closes his eyes tightly to concentrate on anything but that, fingernails digging into the palm of his hand as the picture slowly begins to erase… and then it's blank. There’s nothing.

Jaemin loosens his fist, hand now splaying across your bed sheets which reminds him of his surroundings, his mind now filling with you. Just you. Not her. Not Eunbin. You. He can breathe now, his heartbeat steady, the feeling of a panic attack slowly fading into nothing as his thoughts are of you. It makes his body buzz, an unusual feeling that he’s experienced a few mere times but he doesn’t think much of it when he reaches for his phone again to bring up your contact, tapping the message icon and bringing up your previous conversation.

His thumbs dance across the keyboard as he types out his message.

jaemin: when do u get here

you: in ten you: why lol

jaemin: im bored jaemin: i can’t wait for u to be here

you: :) you: we have the place to ourselves btw you: harus heading to work after this & im pretty sure miwoos going over urs to see jeno…

jaemin: :)

An incoming call flashes across the screen just as Jaemin was about to type another reply and a smile spreads across his face thinking it was from you, but it falters slightly when he reads Jeno’s name. He sighs, adjusting the pillows behind his head to get comfortable and holding his phone above his face as he answers the facetime call.

Jaemin almost snorts seeing Jeno pop up on the screen, a neon green toothbrush hanging out of his mouth with toothpaste bubbling around the edges. His best friend grins at him immediately, trying to prop his phone on the bathroom counter.

“Where are you?” Jeno questions him through a mouthful of toothpaste, hastily scrubbing his teeth with one hand while the other fails to prop up his phone. He finally succeeds after a few failed attempts.

“Y/N’s” Jaemin answers quietly, stretching out his arm to show his surroundings, having the random urge to prove to Jeno that he was, in fact, in your bedroom. He brings the phone back to his face, raising a brow curiously. “Why are you brushing your teeth again? What are you doing?”

“Miwoo’s coming over. I want her to sit on my face until she suffocates me” Jaemin chuckles at that, running his fingers through his hair as he catches a glimpse of himself in the camera. Jeno spits out the toothpaste and wipes his mouth with a towel, eyes flicking between Jaemin and his reflection in the mirror in front of him. “So, you and Y/N have the apartment to yourselves?”

“How did you know that?”

“Well, like I said, Miwoo’s coming over here and Renjun said that he’s gonna help out Haru at work because that dude still got a broken toe” Jeno states the obvious, throwing the towel to the side carelessly before grabbing a bottle of moisturiser off of the top shelf of his bathroom. He squirts a decent glop onto his hands before applying it evenly to his face. “So, in conclusion, you and Y/N have the apartment to yourselves… unless Yangyang decides to come over later”

“He’s finishing up some music stuff with Donghyuck today, I spoke to them before I came here” Jaemin says, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger as he remembers the brief conversation he had with the pair and how Jaemin gave Yangyang a weak apology for his attitude a few days ago. “Shotaro is with them, by the way, so you and Miwoo will have the house to yourselves too”

“Thank god, I’ve been dying to have sex with her for days…” Jeno groans. “If any of you fuckers come home early or cockblock when I’m trying to dick her down, I will strangle you all. I mean it”

Jaemin can’t help but laugh at Jeno’s threat, throwing his head back against the pillows with a wide smile. He remembers Jeno and Miwoo having some one on one time in Jeno’s room until Donghyuck and Yangyang came bursting in the front door, loudly hollering and making obnoxious noises to tease the duo but they both end up screaming in fright, running in separate directions when a naked Jeno comes bolting down the stairs, chasing them with Miwoo’s high heel shoe as a makeshift weapon while Renjun, Shotaro and Jaemin sat quietly in the living room watching a movie to keep preoccupied.

“You know, I’m surprised you haven’t had sex with Y/N yet…” Jeno trails off, capturing Jaemin’s attention. He finishes moisturising his skin before continuing, picking up his phone and carrying it out of the bathroom. “You’ve made out and fingered her, like what, for times? And you still haven’t gotten laid? I mean, good on you honestly for holding out for so long… but couldn’t be me, especially in this friends with benefits relationship you got going on”

“I’ve cummed in my pants like fifteen-year-old Jaemin everytime it happens so I’m not complaining” Jaemin tells him, tongue peaking out between his lips as images of his fingers buried deep inside your pussy and his soiled boxers come to mind, almost smirking at the thought. His eyes meet Jeno’s through the screen. “I don’t want to pressure her into doing anything”

“It won’t hurt to ask” Jeno shrugs his shoulders. “And if she says no, it’s a no. It’s simple as that”

Jaemin scoffs. “I know that. I just don’t want to make her uncomfortable”

“You won’t” Jeno reassures him and Jaemin nods his head, giving him a tight lipped smile. “Anyway, I’m gonna go and make Miwoo some food for when she gets here… Stay safe, Jae. Wrap it before you—”

“Okay, bye”

Jaemin’s quick to end the call, pressing his thumb repeatedly against the end button and throwing his phone to the side just in time to hear the passcode being punched in at the front door. He immediately sits up, eyes wide as he listens to the footsteps that walk across the floorboards, his body buzzing as they get closer and closer. His head snaps towards the doorway of your bedroom as a shadowy figure nears, leaning off of the bed to get a better look.

A smile instantly makes its way across his face as he sees you appear, sluggishly entering your bedroom with a tired look on your face. Something in his chest warms at the sight, watching you drop beside him on the bed, shoving your face in the pillows with a huff. You look so exhausted, he thinks to himself with a slight frown, his hand reaching out to touch your back, his fingers kneading into the bottom of your spine for some relief.

He’s gotten so used to touching you over the past week, weirdly finding comfort in making contact with your skin. It’s fair to say, even though he would never admit it outloud, he’s gotten addicted to spending time with you, especially with how you make him forget everything around him. Perhaps you’re like a drug to him, a drug he can’t stop consuming, a drug that he’s so afraid of quitting because of the anxiety that seeps through his veins when he’s without you makes him think of her.

“That feels nice” Your voice tugs him out of his head, forcing him back into reality. His fingers have found their way up to your shoulders during his thought process, digging into your shoulder blades to massage the tender areas. There’s a look on your face when you turn to face him, grateful and content as you whisper, “Thank you”

Jaemin’s heart weirdly warms at that and he leans down to press a gentle kiss to your lips, something that’s become pretty common to the two of you over time. “You’re welcome, baby”

“Baby?” You repeat with a hum, eyebrow raised as you stare at him with a smile. “You really like that nickname, don’t you?”

Jaemin doesn’t really know how to answer that verbally, so he gives a quick shrug of his shoulders, a grin slipping its way on his face as he watches you move around the bed, flipping around to lay on your back which results in his hands dropping to the mattress. He can’t help but keep his eyes on you, that weird feeling resuming in his heart and the urge to touch you creeps up on him, he holds back for now, but he’s unsure for how long.

Especially your hair, the way it’s dishevelled from the wind outside, messily splaying across your pillow. He wants to touch your face too, to trace around each of your delicate features with his thumb, mapping out all the details.

You really are pretty, Jaemin thinks to himself, his brows furrowing slightly as he looks down at you. Have you always been this pretty?

“What do you want to do today?” You ask him, but he’s hardly listening, not when his head is filled with too many thoughts that he struggles to handle, his own questions and even suggestions laying on the tip of his tongue. Something stirs in the pit of his belly and his heart rate speeds up a little faster than usual, mouth slightly watery as he struggles to tear his eyes away from your face.

It won’t hurt to ask, Jeno’s words from earlier repeat in his mind. If she says no, it’s a no. He shifts a little in the bed, sucking in a breath as his chubbed up cock rubs against the front of his boxers, causing friction against the tip which makes him jerk in surprise. There’s no fucking way he’s hard right now, not just from a simple thought of having sex with you.

His lips press together tightly, heat crawling up his neck and to his cheeks as he tries to focus on something else but he can’t, he’s struggling so much and he feels like he’s about to burst any second. Jaemin’s eyes glance down at the front of his sweatpants, inwardly groaning at the bulge that’s obvious against the fabric. He’s going to punch himself in the dick.

“We could watch that new series that Shotaro was talking about yesterday?” Are you still talking? “I’ll even cook food for us too, considering you did it the last time… or, if you want, we could skip to the part where we make out all n—”

“I want you” Jaemin interrupts, unable to keep his thoughts at bay and his eyes almost widen at his boldness if he wasn’t so distracted with the way you’re looking at him now, mouth agape and in shock. Jaemin swears he’s just about lost his mind as the facial expression you’re pulling is making him feel even more hot and bothered. You’re pathetic, Jaemin. “I want you. I want to fuck you, if you’d let me”

You’re too quiet for his liking and you take too long to answer which makes him automatically think you don’t want to have sex with him. He’ll respect your answer without a doubt, even if it is a no, but if he doesn’t get a response in the next few minutes, he’s going to have to excuse himself to your bathroom and rub one out for some release. Or he could ask if you would kindly shove your hand down his pants and make him a withering mess like you did a few nights ago.

Great. Now he’s even more turned on than he previously was. This is getting ridiculous. Why the fuck is he—

“Okay”

His mouth dries, head snapping down to you in shock. He needs more confirmation, he needs you to give him the go ahead, he doesn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. “Okay what?”

“Okay, I’ll let you fuck me”

Jaemin doesn’t know what comes over him but he’s already crawling on top of you, eyes wild with arousal and excitement. He doesn’t waste any time moulding your lips with his in a deep but slow kiss, a complete contrast to how fast his hands are moving on your body. He feels eager, he feels desperate. Jaemin hates it. He’s never been this way with anyone before.

He doesn’t want to part away from you yet, but if he doesn’t free himself of his clothes any time soon, he’s afraid he’s going to suffocate in them. Jaemin leans back on his heels, lips pulling from yours with a loud smooch that sounds far too sexy right now, fisting the material of his shirt before yanking it over his head, throwing it carelessly to the side before reaching for yours.

You lift your arms above your head to help him and Jaemin almost coos at the sight, gently tugging it over your head, leaving you in your lacy red bra and shorts.

A guttural groan leaves his throat as he takes in the sight, mouth filling with saliva and almost drooling if it wasn’t for you wrapping your fingers in his necklace and pulling him down for another kiss, tongue sliding against your own messily and another groan vibrates in his throat as he feels you tug at his hair.

Jaemin moves his lips from yours to mouth at your skin, licking over your jaw and finding a place at your neck, smirking at the noises you make while his bottom half gyrates against yours, his cock rubbing on your thigh, causing him to shiver slightly at the touch.

“I’m so hard right now” Jaemin pants, trying his hardest not to cum right then and there, especially when you push him off of your body and tug at the waistband of his sweatpants, seemingly desperate to get them off. You’re cute, he thinks to himself with a slight smile, helping you get rid of his pants and dropping them down beside your bed.

His fingers dance up your thighs and the smoothness of your skin beneath his fingertips makes his mouth water, hooking around the waistband of your shorts and pulling them down your legs, keeping his eyes on you. Sexy, he grins, eyes glancing down to the matchy red lacy panties you’re wearing, his tongue poking out between his lips as he lays his palm over your covered pussy, grounding the heel of his hand into your clit teasingly.

You react with a sudden cry and your back arches, causing Jaemin to snigger at your reaction before slithering both hands up your body, running up your stomach and over your chest, squeezing your tits and he grins as your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“You’re so fucking pretty, you know…” He hums lowly as his fingers wind in your hair and pulls you up in a sitting position, goosebumps rising to his skin as your nose brushes against his collarbones but he yanks your head back, forcing you to look up at him. So fucking pretty. He isn’t surprised as he sees you crane your neck to messily suck at his lips, allowing you to kiss him as much as you please while he loosens his grip from your hair to run down your back, unclipping your bra with ease.

He takes your underwear off next despite the awkward position, struggling to get them down your legs. He goes to push you back down on the pillows but jolts when he feels your hand brush against his cock, desperate to be released from his boxers.

“Fuck—Don’t” Jaemin shakes his head, ripping his lips from yours as the pleasure gets a little too much to handle. You reel back quickly and he can’t help but laugh at the worried expression on your face, leaning forwards to give a reassuring kiss to your cheek. “I’m gonna cum if you keep on touching me like that, baby…”

“Oh” A sound leaves your lips, laying back against the pillows and Jaemin goes to lean over you until he realises he’s forgotten something. Condoms. Shit. He turns around and bends his body off of the bed, searching for his backpack and rummaging inside, trying to blindly find the box. Did I forget them? He begins to worry, chewing the inside of his cheek. There’s no way I forgot them.

Jaemin grabs his backpack to get a better look inside, panic settling in his chest as he struggles to find the white and blue box and almost turns to you with tears in his eyes until he sees them laying at the bottom.

He internally pats himself on the back, plucking a silver packet from the box and resuming his position in between your legs, finally getting rid of his boxers, wincing when he cock slaps against his stomach, tip red and glistening with precum.

“Do you always carry those around with you?” He hears you ask and he fights the urge to roll his eyes, grinning instead.

“Only for you” Jaemin teasingly winks and you snort as he carefully tears open the packet with his teeth, chucking it on your bedside table, making a mental note to throw that away later when he rolls the condom down his length, biting back a moan at the friction. God, why is he so fucking horny? This is embarrassing… and it’s all your fault.

He goes to huff at his own thoughts but is interrupted when he feels your knees knock against his stomach, your feeble attempt at closing your legs. He places his hands on top of your knees with a brow raised, prying them apart to get in between them but he freezes when his cockhead nudges against your already wet pussy, his eyes unable to look away from your arousal that glistens against your skin.

He feels your hand reach up to caress his face and his haze flickers to yours, heart warming at the way you’re smiling at him before you bring him down into a kiss, adjusting your lower half on the bed which results in his cock being pushed between your folds.

Fuck, he curses, brows pulling together in concentration as he gets sucked into your wetness, walls immediately closing in around him as he thrusts in further. There’s no way I’m lasting long.

• • •

Surprisingly, Jaemin lasted longer than he expected.

Although, the second you started begging for his cum, he knew he was a goner and busted a nut straight away. His cheeks get a little red when he’s reminded of it, but he can’t deny the fact how fucking sexy you sounded screaming his name and begging for him to cum. You’re truly something else.

The scenes repeat in his head, thinking about the way you felt around him, how your hands clung to his body, nails raking down his back, lust and desperate eyes staring up at h—

“What are you making?” He’s startled by the sound of your voice, almost burning himself on the pot and he clears his throat, straightening his back as he gestures to the steaming creamy pasta he’s mixing in the pot.

“Pasta” He glances over his shoulder to look at you, hair still wet from the bath you both took. “Go dry your hair while I plate this up, it’s almost done”

“I’ll let it air dry” You tell him and he watches as you walk up to one of the cupboards, opening it up to retrieve two bowls before reaching for some utensils in the drawer. Jaemin thanks you before gently moving you out of the way, afraid you’ll burn yourself from being too close as he dishes out the pasta equally. There’s some remains left inside the pot and he scoops it up with a spoon, blowing to cool it down before offering it to you.

You wrap your lips around the spoon and he quickly puts his hand beneath it, making sure none spills onto the floor or on your clothes.

“Any good?” Jaemin asks you, wanting to know your opinion as he wipes away the sauce at the corner of your lips with his thumb before sticking his thumb into his mouth to suck it off.

“Delicious” You compliment his cooking with a grin, licking around your mouth greedily. Jaemin smiles at that, nudging you softly as you grab your bowl and a fork, making your way into the living room. Jaemin follows behind shortly after with his own bowl and fork in hand, comfortably settling down next to you and sliding the tv remote to you, letting you choose whatever series to watch.

Almost thirty minutes into the show that he realised was the one Shotaro recommended you both, he notices how unusually quiet it is between you both and he starts to feel uncomfortable, chewing on his pasta while taking short and quick side glances at you but he chuckles every time he catches your eyes. You must feel the same way, he thinks as he shoves another forkful of pasta into his mouth. What can I say to break this weird tension?

“How are you feeling?” Seems like a good conversation starter.

You look up from your bowl to meet his eyes, your chewing slowly coming to a halt. You swallow harshly. “How are you feeling?”

“I asked first” Jaemin retorts with an amused grin but he decides to answer you anyways after finishing his food, placing the empty bowl in the coffee table in front of him. “I’m good”

“Cool” Your awkward response and nod makes him want to laugh. “I’m good too”

“Cool” He copies your words, the grin still remaining on his lips as he turns around to fully face towards you, his back leaning against the arm rest and his legs crossed in front of him. His fingers play with a loose strand on his shirt, twirling the string around his fingers as he asks you the question that has been lingering on his mind since it happened. “Was that good?”

“Was what good?”

The grin falls off his face, turning into a deadpan expression as his head slowly lifts to look at you. Are you kidding me? He doesn’t even blink once. “My dick inside your—“

“OH!” You splutter as you choke on your food. Jaemin’s eyes widen in alarm and he reaches over, the palm of his hand slamming against your back as you cough uncontrollably. Jaemin worries as you seem to struggle to find your breath, watching you place the bowl on the coffee table next to his and rub at your throat, tears springing in your eyes.

His ministrations turn into soothing circular motions, his worry slowly disappearing as you manage to find your breath and you clear your throat to regain yourself.

“It was okay”

Ouch. “Just okay?” Jaemin raises a brow at you, pretty offended by your words as he stares at you in disbelief. “You left your marks all over my shoulders and down my—“

“Oh my god! Shut up!” Your screeching cuts him off, hands covering your face in embarrassment. Jaemin can't help but laugh at that, struggling to keep his amusement contained when he sees you peeking between your fingers. “It was really good, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Thank you, baby” Jaemin cheekily grins, not even bothering to respond to your question as he scoot across the sofa to your side, dramatically leaning onto you with his arms slithering around your waist, hands creeping up your shirt in search for some heat and he feels better when his palms press against the warmth of your back.

Although hugging you right now seemed a bit too intimate, it was your arms sliding around his shoulders to reciprocate the hug that shocks him the most, his eyes widening as he feels your fingers playing the hair at the nape of his neck. He’s weirdly comfortable in this position, it almost feels natural, a little too natural. It scared him at how it felt so right to be like this, to be wrapped around you and he goes to move away, to create a little bit of space between you both until he realises how quiet you are.

Jaemin raises his head from your chest, bottom lip jutting out and brows pulling together in confusion and concern. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” He pinches the skin of your sides to grab your attention and when you meet his eyes, he smiles at you warmly. “What’s wrong?”

You simply shrug. “Just thinking”

“About…?”

“It’s nothing” He hates the way you’re brushing it off, watching as you look away from him, finding interest in the TV. “It’s stupid”

“Look at me” Jaemin orders, his hand coming out from beneath your shirt to touch your cheek. His contact makes you turn your head to meet his eyes again, his thumb grazing across your skin. “It’s not stupid. One of the rules was to be honest with each other, right? So, tell me… talk to me”

“I haven’t had anything like this in three months” Your voice is shaking, Jaemin points out inside his head, already curious on how this conversation is going to go. “I haven’t kissed anyone in three months, I haven’t slept with someone in three months… I’ve had nothing like this for three months and it’s just… it’s weird for me and my mind goes haywire with so much shit, and I have no idea how to control it”

“Do you—“

“Eric and I were together for over a year” Oh, so it’s going to be that type of conversation. Jaemin reels back slightly to sit up in shock, eyes wide.

He’s been patient with you and your situation, he respected your boundaries a few nights ago when he asked about Eric and you told him you weren’t ready to reopen the healing wounds. Jaemin’s intrigued, honestly, but he can’t help but think about how uncomfortable and uneasy you feel right now having to open up about an ex-boyfriend, Jaemin knows he would feel the same if he was in your position.

“Eric was my first exclusive boyfriend, our relationship was fun… it was exciting. We did everything together and not because he was my boyfriend but he was my best friend too, y’know? I think that’s what made it so hard after he told me he wanted to break up, to see other people. He told me he loved me still… but he didn’t want to be tied down, he wanted to be single”

Jaemin’s heart aches in his chest, a lump forming in his throat when you refuse to meet his eyes, your own glassy and red. He has the urge to comfort you, to tell you that you don’t need to talk about it anymore but he’s aware that talking to someone could make the situation better… he wishes he could do the same. He respects you for this.

“A day after we broke up, Miwoo dragged Haru and I to this party which I didn’t realise was hosted by Eric and Sunwoo. I saw Eric making out with some girl in the corner of the room…” Jaemin feels guilty when he sees you swallow harshly, blinking back the tears. “He saw me after that and he smiled at me as if nothing happened a few seconds prior or the day before… He even kissed me to greet me as if it was normal?”

“Y/N—“

“How can you claim to still love someone but want to break up and see other people? How could you kiss someone after breaking their heart? I don’t get it” The shaking and the voice cracks you have from speaking about another man’s wrongdoings makes Jaemin feel a mixture of emotions, some that he doesn’t even understand but he forces it all to the back of his mind as he calls out your name softly, his fingers winding around your wrist to tug you forwards.

The second you fall into his lap, he immediately embraces you, arms wrapping around you so tightly that he’s afraid of hurting you, but he realises that wasn’t the case as he feels you melt into his touch, reciprocating the hug with your hands clutching the back of his shirt.

He understands your pain, although he doesn’t want to admit it out loud. He knows how it feels to be so confused and so heartbroken over things caused by an ex. Jaemin hates seeing you so upset and there’s a part of him that wishes he could take it all away, to make you feel better, to make you laugh… and maybe he can.

“Do you want us to fight him?” The words flow out of his mouth before he can even register what’s going on, pulling away from the hug to cup your cheeks, squeezing them together for extra effect.

His chest warms slightly as he sees the corner of your lips twitch in amusement. “What?”

“Me and the others, do you want us to fight Eric? Because I’m sure they will all be up for it. Jeno can throw in a good few hefty punches, Shotaro’s quick on his feet so he would be able to jab him a few times. Renjun can be pretty harsh with his words so he could definitely make him cry… Donghyuck is basically a little psycho so he would probably do some weird shit like shaving off his hair or ripping his clothes apart or something, Yangyang would probably join in with that”

That first giggle you let slip makes him want to pat his back in success. But when your head tilts to the side, looking at him with curious eyes, something stirs in his belly. “Oh yeah? And what are you going to do?”

Jaemin ponders it for a moment, head rushing with so many things to say, some jokeful and others a little risqué. What would he do? His eyes flitter around the living room, trying to find something that could give him some inspiration but there’s only one thing that continuously pops into his mind

He smirks, he’s thinking about it too much now as he slowly turns his head towards you, meeting your eyes that are filled with wonder and curiosity. I know exactly how to hurt Eric, he says to himself as his hand reaches out to touch your face, his thumb pressing against your bottom lip.

“I would fuck you right in front of him” Jaemin’s honest, a little too honest, but the look on your face proves how perfectly fine you are with his attitude. That gives him the go ahead, he continues, “I would force him to watch me make you cum over and over again, more times than he ever could… I want him to hear you scream my name to let him know whos the one that’s making you feel good”

Your head ducks down slightly, seeming shy and flustered. “You think you could do that?”

“Oh, baby…” Jaemin tits, using his index finger and thumb to grip your chin, raising your head upwards before he leans to connect your lips for a brief kiss before he pulls back to whisper, full of confidence and cockiness. “You know I could do that”

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐏𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒]

“I got you something…” Jaemin hears you say as you drop down onto his bed and he peers over his phone to watch as you excitedly shrug your backpack off of your shoulders, unzipping it with a speed that makes him chortle. When you pull out a small box, his brows pull together in confusion, holding out his hand as you gesture at him to take it.

He feels shy right now, warmth creeping up his neck as you stare at him with a goofy smile while his fingers work their way around the ominous box, pulling at the opening and dipping his hand inside to reach for the gift. Jaemin’s mouth drops open slightly but no sound comes from him as he admires the object in his hands, his heart swelling inside of his chest.

“So…” You wiggle your brows. “What do you think?”

“You bought me an actual polaroid camera?” Jaemin whispers in astonishment, finally raising his head up to meet your eyes, a smile tugging at his lips. His brain can’t fully comprehend that you’ve bought him something so mindful and sweet, struggling to find the right words for his gratitude as he looks back down at the polaroid, admiring it. “You… you actually got me…”

“I can’t take all the credit for it” You interrupt him with a sigh and he feels you move across his bed, setting your backpack to the ground before coming to sit beside him. “Haru spotted it in a store window, was saying how pretty it looks and I remembered Jeno buying you this cheapy one weeks ago but—”

“You’re amazing” Jaemin confesses, the smile spreading wide across his lips as he grabs the box again, digging for the film to put into the camera.

“I… well… you…” He hears you splutter before scoffing. “Don’t be so dramatic!”

“I’m serious” Jaemin deadpans, meeting your eyes and he sees the way you dip your head low to avoid his gaze, chewing on your bottom lip as he rips open the silver packet for the film cartridge, inserting it inside the polaroid as quickly as he possibly could, eager to try it out.

He raises the polaroid to his face to look through the lens, trying to decide on what he can take a picture of in his room for his first polaroid photo. He scans around, tongue poking at his cheek in deep thought as he slowly turns his body to the side, stilling when he captures you in the frame staring at him.

The polaroid slowly falls from his face to properly look at you, brows furrowing at the look that pools in your eyes, curious on what’s going on inside that head of yours before he raises it back up, hovering his finger over the button.

“Smile, baby”

You immediately grin, which makes Jaemin chuckle, pressing the button down to take the picture. He feels your arm brush against his as you lean in close as you both wait for the film to develop but he takes this opportunity to take more photos, turning the polaroid around in his hands to take a unflattering photo of just his nostrils and his eyes. You’re laughing beside him, the sound making him grin and look at you, accidentally pressing the button again and it startles him.

The film develops and his brows raise in surprise at the imagery. He’s looking at you with the most goofiest grin on his face while you’re staring back at him laughing. It’s a pretty picture, he admits, lips jutting out in deep thought as his eyes flick between the picture and the polaroid camera, and then you.

“Do you want to take a picture with me?”

“Okay” Your answer is simple, short, but it still warms Jaemin’s chest and he smiles widely, tugging you as close to him as possible. His cheek smushes against yours and your hand comes up to cup his jaw, squeezing his cheeks together while his free hand comes to rest on top of your head. Viewing the picture once it developed made him laugh and you ripped it out of his hands to take a look at yourself, shaking your head at the ridiculous picture. It was a little silly, but he never would’ve guessed it would become one of his favourite pictures over time.

“You know…” Jaemin drags out as he plucks the polaroid from your hands to put it down at the side, meeting your eyes suggestively. “I have a few ideas on more pictures we can take together”

“Oh really?” You wiggle your brows and lean so close that Jaemin feels your breath fan across his face. “Care to enlighten me, Na?”

• • •

“Will you sit still?” Jaemin huffs, peeking at you from behind the polaroid camera to glare, almost daring you to move again. He’s been trying to take a picture of you for the past five minutes, trying his best to capture you at the right angle but the way you keep moving makes him struggle and he’s close to throwing the camera to the side and giving up completely.

“It’s kinda hard when you have your dick twitching inside me Jaemin” You spit back angrily at him and Jaemin rolls his eyes, finding you extremely irritating despite the grin that spreads across his lips. “This it torture. I don’t know why I even agreed to this shit—”

“Stop complaining” Jaemin tuts, one hand dropping from the polaroid to grip your thigh, pressing his thumb into the soft skin of your stomach. “Just give me one picture, okay? And then I’m all yours”

“That’s what you said five minutes ago” You say between grit teeth. Jaemin’s cock twitches again at the tone of your voice, unable to deny how attractive you sound when you’re annoyed and he chuckles when you suck in a deep breath, slamming your palms down on his chest and digging your fingernails into the skin. Jaemin hisses at the pain that spreads but uses this moment to take the picture, capturing the way your eyes screw together and your mouth opens in complete bliss all while getting the angle of your pussy hugging around his cock.

“There we go…” Jaemin breathes out, dropping the camera to his side as his hands reach for your body, his hands roaming up the expanse of your thighs, taking note of how much they quiver before resting on your hips. His fingers grip tightly, thumbs pressing down on your stomach as he rolls you on top of him. “I’m all yours”

“I hate you” You pant heavily.

“Sure you do” Jaemin hums, tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip as he watches you lift yourself up before dropping back down on his cock at a steady pace. He tilts his head back with a groan, mouth dropping open as he feels the way your pussy fits snugly around him. His hands come around to rest on your ass to help you bounce, squeezing the flesh between his fingers that has you moaning loudly and he grins.

Jaemin loves the way you sound. He can’t get enough of the heavy panting, the wanton moans and the whimpers that leave your lips every time you fuck yourself on his cock, wanting nothing but to make you and him cum. He loves how desperate and needy you are in situations like these. It’s just for him. It’s all for him.

“Just like that…” He groans as you slam yourself down on him and roll your hips forward, fingernails continuing to dig into his chest but he ignores the pain. “That’s it, baby… fuck me”

He starts to thrust upwards to meet your movements, one hand roaming up to cup your cheek, his thumb dipping past into your mouth and grunting as you suck. The dazed look on your face has him craving for you and his pace quickens, skin slapping against skin, loud moans filling the room. He was reaching his climax far too quickly for his liking, always wanting you to be the one that comes undone first and he removes his thumb from your mouth to press it against your clit, rubbing in circular motions that has your movements coming to a halt.

“Fuck!” You gasp out and Jaemin’s lips stretch into a grin, using this as an opportunity to take over and pound up into you, quicken the pace of his hips as he plants his feet on the bed, a boisterous laugh erupting from his chest as you struggle to hold up your body and up crashing down on top of his. He huffs, blowing your hair out of his mouth as he continues his ministrations on your clit at the awkward angle, his hand getting squashed beneath your weight but he doesn’t care, not when you’re moaning loudly in his ear begging for him to go faster and your grip on him getting stronger.

“I know, I know…” Jaemin coos as your moans turn into soft weeps, pussy sucking him in deliciously as you’re nearing your own climax, walls throbbing around his cock that sends him crashing down much faster than intended, giving you one harsh thrust before emptying himself inside of the condom.

His thumb doesn’t stop rubbing your clit which helps you cum along with him, your body spasming against his and he hisses, teeth gritting together as your pussy pulsates around him. His name falling repeatedly from your lips makes him smile, his hand moving up from your hip to rest at the back of your head.

“Good girl” Jaemin hums as he smooths your hair gently, ringed fingers getting tangled in the sweaty locks but he’s careful to remove them out. He feels your body shudder against his as you go through the last few waves of your orgasm, panting heavily in his ear and he tries his best to calm you down with tender caresses. “Good job, baby…”

It doesn’t take long for Jaemin to carefully remove you off of his body to get rid of the condom, securing it tightly with a knot before throwing it in his trash can, making a mental reminder to clean it out later tonight as he tugs you to stand, wrapping an arm around your middle as he helps take you to the bathroom to wash up.

He doesn’t shower with you this time, allowing you to go in first and have your own time as he retreats back into his bedroom to gather yours and his clothes to throw into the laundry basket, snickering to himself as he almost steps on your bra but he pauses his movements when the polaroid photos capture his attention.

Reaching down, he picks the one up of you two smiling with both of your cheeks pressed together, the photo causing something to stir inside of Jaemin’s chest and he can’t help but grin, tracing his thumb over the polaroid before dropping the laundry out of his hands to reach for a pen off of his desk and he rips the cap off with his teeth as he messily scribbles at the bottom.

Jaemin appreciates the things he loves, and he loves this photo. It’s fair to say out of the many photos you have together, this might actually be his favourite one. You both look happy. You both look like you’re having fun. Jaemin knows what you both have is fun and enjoyable, there’s no feelings attached and you clearly make each other forget the worst times of your lives. He’s found joy in you, and he hopes you find joy in him too.

Jaemin drops the pen with a smile, eyes rereading the written words ‘appreciate you’ at the bottom before sticking it to the side of his speakers with spare tape he’s found. His eyes move to the other polaroid on his bed, quickly grasping it between his fingers as he brings the explicit picture close to his face.

The angle of him buried inside of you and the facial expressions on your face remind him of something he would see out of an exotic porno magazine and he chuckles, concealing his arousal as he admires the polaroid, taking in the details as the scene of you two in his bed prior moments before replays in his head. You are so—

“Please don’t ever show anyone that” Your voice startles him from behind him and he peeks over his shoulder at you, seeing you wrapped in one of his fluffy towels with water droplets dripping from your hair and cascading down your arms to his floor. “I will murder you”

Jaemin shakes his head, smugly grinning as he pecks the polaroid with a loud smooch and opens up his computer desk drawer, shoving the nude photo inside before closing it shut. “It’s all mine”

— [𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 : 𝐄𝐗𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐑𝐔𝐍𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐒]

“Good job, Jaemin. You continue to amaze me everyday with these photographs” Professor Kim chuckles as he stares down at Jaemin’s portfolio book, flicking through the pages with a wide smile spread across his face, evidently pleased with Jaemin’s work. Pride soars in Jaemin’s chest but he keeps a straight face, bowing his head in respect and mumbling small thank yous here and there. Professor Kim lays a hand on his shoulder. “I’m serious, you’re really impressive. I can see you definitely going far with photography in the future”

“Thank you, Professor Kim”

“Just speaking the truth” Professor Kim smiles, squeezing his shoulder in a proud manner before it drops, shoving his hands into the pockets of his black chinos before he gestures to the sketchbook that peeks out of Jaemin’s bag beneath the desk. “I’d love to see what’s in there too. If your photography portfolio is perfect, I can’t even begin to imagine what you got hiding in there”

“It’s just personal projects” Jaemin reaches down to shove his photography sketchbook further into his bag and out of view, zipping it up quickly before looking back up at his professor, giving him a half lipped smile. “It’s nothing special, really. It’s just stuff for me”

“Fair enough” Professor Kim respects it, bidding Jaemin a goodbye with a tip of his head before venturing off to another student to examine their works. Jaemin lets out a deep exhale, falling back comfortably into his chair to relax, fingers tapping against his portfolio as he allows a genuine smile to creep up onto his face.

“Yeah, yeah, I can see you smiling, I get it” Jaemin’s seatmate, Junghoon, scoffs from beside him and Jaemin chuckles lightly, turning to face Junghoon who stares at him, lips jutting out into a pout around his plastic straw, slowly slurping up the contents of his ice coffee before pointing it menacingly at Jaemin. “I can see you basically creaming your panties over being complimented by the Vante. Must be nice”

“I’m just doing what I’m told” Jaemin shrugs his shoulders and glances at the time that shows in the top right hand corner of his open ipad, immediately shutting it off as he realises the class was a minute away from ending.

“I do what I’m told yet I’m still not getting my dick sucked by some hotshot photographer who, by the way, should probably be living in some fancy mansion in Paris instead of teaching college kids how to use cameras and take pictures” Junghoon gasps dramatically, placing his hand on his chest as he sucks in big gulps of air, completely forgetting to breathe during his mini rant that, to be honest, Jaemin was hardly listening to as he packs his stuff away.

He slings his backpack over his shoulder as he stands, peeking at Junghoon who copies his movements, drinking the remaining liquid in his cup. “You don’t exactly do what you’re told, you know… I’m pretty sure he asked you to take some photos of wildlife not so long ago and you refused because you didn’t want to go anywhere near any bugs”

“Valid reasoning, by the way” Junghoon defends himself, shivering at the thought of being up close and personal to an insect of his disliking. “He’s crazy if he thinks I’m going to be eye to eye with some spider… How come you’re allowed to take pictures of people and landscapes while I’m stuck with creepy little things?”

“It’s what I’m good at” Jaemin mumbles, the corner of his lips twitching proudly before he bids Junghoon goodbye, leaving his seatmate alone in the class as he ventures down the crowded hallways, keeping to himself by shoving a pair of earbuds into his ears.

Jaemin never labels himself as someone popular and well-known, despite him being friends with a few of the most well-known students on campus, but he’d be lying if he said people never stared or whispered to their friends about him when he walks by. He’s aware he has a reputation of being mysterious and, for some reason, intriguing. He never understood it, but he didn’t want to question it either.

He avoids the eyes that linger on him as he brushes past the students, even going as far as ignoring the ones that stand in his way, seemingly trying to get his attention but Jaemin doesn’t want it, nor does he care.

But a hand tugs at his arm, fingers wrapping around his elbow to get his attention and although Jaemin would easily pull away and continue walking, there’s some part of him that’s interested in who grabbed him. He glances down at the perfectly manicured red nails that gently press into his skin, eyes trailing up the arm of the owner and annoyance fills him in an instant once recognising the person.

Mia. He has a bitter taste in his mouth that he fails to get rid of upon seeing the blonde in front of him. Mia reminds him of Eunbin, only because the two are as close as could be. Mia was everywhere Eunbin was and frankly, Jaemin did not like Mia. To be fair, Jaemin doesn’t like a lot of people, he’s not a people’s person… but there was something about Mia that Jaemin couldn’t stand.

He pulls the earbud out of his ears, music no longer drowning the sounds out of other students and noises, blankly looking at Mia who stares back at him with a smile, her lips painted the same colour as her nail polish which irked Jaemin.

“Long time no speak, huh?” Mia jokes as if the two were close friends, adjusting the dainty bag strap on her shoulder. “You’re one hard guy to get a hold of, you know that? I’ve been trying to contact you for days to—”

“I don’t have your number” Jaemin cuts her off and Mia blinks in surprise, and before Mia could even have the chance to offer it up, Jaemin speaks again. “I don’t want your number”

The smile falters from Mia’s lips for a brief second, rage flashing in her eyes before she regains herself, forcing another smile as she straightens her back. “You’re funny. Anyways, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Eunbin”

Jaemin’s head tilts at that. “What makes you think I want to talk about Eunbin?”

“Are you high?” Mia looks at him incredulously, even going as far as reaching her hand out to touch his face to check for any redness clouding his eyes but Jaemin leans back, swatting it out of the way as if he was hitting a fly. Mia reels back in surprise, cradling her hand with her mouth agape. “What’s your problem?!”

“You, obviously” Jaemin responds simply, reaching for his earbud again to plug it back into his ears as Mia splutters to speak.

“I’m just trying to talk to you about Eunbin, you know, your girlfriend” Now it was Jaemin’s turn to look at Mia as if she had suddenly sprouted two heads. Mia almost seems offended at the way she was being looked at right now, placing her hands on her hips. “What?”

“She’s not my girlfriend, Mia” Jaemin says, not missing the way she almost chokes at his words but he doesn’t care, lifting the earbud to his ears. “She hasn’t been my girlfriend since she left to go to New York” And with that, he leaves Mia standing in the middle of the hallway as he walks off, not even bothering to stay behind and listen to her sounds of confusion, wanting nothing more than to get away from the scene.

Why did Mia think Eunbin was still his girlfriend? The thought circled around in his head more than he had hoped, completely disrupting the music that plays in his ears and taking away his attention. Was Mia just saying that to get a reaction out of him? To rile him up? His tongue prods at his cheek in annoyance, knowing for a fact that he’s made it so obvious over the time Eunbin has left that she was not in his life anymore, that he wanted nothing to do with her.

A part of Jaemin wants to turn around and call out Mia’s name, demanding to know why she thought Eunbin was still in his life or if she was truly trying to piss him off (which, honestly, seems to be working) but he decides against it when he sees Haru and Miwoo piling out of a classroom at the end of a hall, Haru seemingly tugging Miwoo who makes sexual gestures to whoever was left behind in class.

His brows pull together in confusion, noticing that you’re nowhere to be seen and the twinge in his chest makes him feel a little sick, but he pushes it down as he takes the earbud out of his ears again, shoving them away inside his pockets as he reaches the pair.

“Hey, Na” Haru is the first to greet him, giving him a smile.

“Hey” He greets back kindly, peering over their heads in search of you. “Where is Y/N?”

“She’s hopefully getting her back blown as a punishment by the hottest Professor on the fucking planet” Miwoo fans herself, craning her neck over her shoulder to see if she could peep through the crack of the door but Haru grips her arm to spin her back around. Miwoo snorts with a grin and Jaemin’s facial expression remains stoic, clearly not entertained.

Haru catches the look on his face and her lips quirk upwards. “She got held back, probably for her assignments. She’s pretty good at writing”

Jaemin nods. “So I’ve heard”

“Speaking of Y/N getting her back blown… congrats on getting her out of her dry spell, by the way. We’ve heard some big things about your one-on-one time the other night. Sounds like you had fun last night too… the walls are pretty thin” Miwoo smirks with a suggestive wiggle of her brows and a wink. He watches as her hand reaches out to pat the front of his pants, acting as if she was petting a dog as she whispers proudly. “Good job, Little Jae”

Jaemin, being used to this type of behaviour from Miwoo, rolls his eyes and his tongue prods at his cheek in annoyance while Miwoo cackles, ruffling the locks on top of Jaemin’s head before looping her arm with Haru’s, announcing that they’re both heading for lunch and to meet them later.

Jaemin dismisses the duo with a nod, eyeing the pair as they walk away together laughing and mumbling jokes under their breaths, but his attention is soon drawn away when he faintly hears your voice behind the cracked door.

He can’t make out the words you’re saying nor can he make out the responses of your so-called ‘hot Professor’ that you’re inside the classroom with. Was he really that attractive? Jaemin can’t help but think, lips jutting out into a pout as his mind wanders. He can’t recall ever seeing this Professor before, surely he would remember a handsome face. Maybe he’s not that attractive. He wasn’t sure why he was pondering about this so much, it shouldn’t bother him as much as he’s allowing it to.

Jaemin huffs, leaning back against the wall comfortably as he decides to wait for you, finding interest in the tiled floor beneath his feet as he blocks out the sounds around him, hoping that you’d be done with your conversation soon. He waits for almost ten minutes before he sees the door being pushed open and you slip through, not noticing his presence as you remain stuck in your own little world, emptily staring at nothing which makes Jaemin chuckle.

“What are you looking at?” You blink before your head shoots around to look at him and a boyish grin spreads across his lips at the shocked look on your face, clearly not expecting him there. He decides to tease, “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you?”

Your brow arches with a smile. “You were waiting for me?”

“Of course” Jaemin pulls a face, pushing himself off of the wall to stand in front of you and when he’s close, he leans his head down, lips puckered and ready to press them to yours but he freezes when he realises what he’s doing. His actions stun him, brain too frazzled to make up an excuse or even speak. He was going to kiss you. What the fuck? He swallows thickly, panic rising in his chest. That was too natural. That was weird. Jaemin wants to walk away, to get the fuck out of this situation and be alone to drown in his own self-embarrassment but he sees the white sliver of paper in between your fingers. A way out. “What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s nothing” You quickly dismiss and shove the paper deep into your pockets which makes him slightly suspicious. “It’s just something my Professor gave me”

Something builds up inside of Jaemin as his eyes dart between your own and your pocket. “His number?”

“I wish” You respond with an exaggerated sigh and Jaemin immediately rolls his eyes, his tongue prodding at his cheek in annoyance before his arm reaches out. It doesn’t register in his brain what he’s doing as his arm hangs loose around your shoulder but you’re pressed close to his side. Jaemin fails to think much about it, the only thing lingering in his mind is the thought of you having a Professor’s phone number. Was that even allowed? Is it illegal for a Professor to have a student's number? How old is this guy? His fingers flex slightly, brushing your chest. Maybe he is attractive—

Jaemin almost jumps when he feels you shrug his arm from around his shoulder, his arm dropping to his side. His head turns to look at you and his brows pull together in confusion as he sees the expression on your face. You look paranoid, you look worried.

“Rule two” You whisper to him when you finally meet his eyes, reminding him of the rules. “No telling anyone at college, remember?”

“I didn’t say anything”

“You’re making it obvious” The tone in your voice makes his eyes narrow, watching as you duck your head. “They’re all staring. Everyone is staring at us”

A ugly feeling settles in his chest as he takes in your words, almost wanting to argue back and ask if there was a problem with people staring at you both, but he didn’t want to cause a scene and he definitely didn’t want to make you feel worse. He wants you to meet his eyes, the ugly feeling growing bigger when it dawns on him how uncomfortable you feel right now, noticing how your hands fidget at your sides. Is this really bothering you? Jaemin raises his head to glance around, spotting a few lingering eyes that quickly steer away once being caught and he glares at those who stare a little longer than needed.

Once making sure eyes are directed elsewhere, his fingers dip beneath your chin to lift your head up. You gulp which he frowns at, moving his hand from your face to curl around the back of your head, gently caressing your hair as he exhales deeply.

“Nobody is looking at us” He reassures you, voice quiet and soft. “They’re all in their own little worlds… nobody is looking at us”

He’s grateful that nobody is looking anymore when you take a peek, your body instantly relaxing and subconsciously leaning into his touch which makes him smile. He doesn’t like seeing you so tense and upset, especially over something so minor. You shouldn’t care what other people think, Jaemin reckons, his hand dropping from your hair.

He studies how you’re looking at everyone, watching them interact with each other and not sparing a glance at either of you, even though they desperately wanted to just for some gossip and drama. He’s not too sure how he feels about you being so paranoid over people knowing the situation you’re both in. He’s positive he can name at least six other students who are in the same position with their friend with benefits partner, exclusive and not.

Exclusive. The word sparks something inside of him and he ponders on it for a few moments. Being exclusive doesn’t sound too bad. He doesn’t want to fuck anyone else, you seem to not want to fuck anyone else either. Besides, claiming you both as exclusive fuckbuddies will make Mia understand that Eunbin is no longer in his life, that the ‘girlfriend bullshit’ is just… bullshit.

Plus, being exclusive with you can mean that he’s able to touch you in public, to kiss you. Hiding behind closed doors doesn’t sound so exciting anymore.

“See? It’s all in that pretty little head of yours” Jaemin tells you just as you turn back to face him.

“I guess…” You mutter beneath your breath. “I just don’t want anyone talking about us”

“I don’t think anyone gives a fuck about us” He knows that it’s partially true. No one would eventually give a fuck about either of you if you ever tell anybody. Sure, there might be a few whispers here and there at the beginning but he knows it would die down. It’s normal. He briefly remembers someone by the name of Areum and Chaewon being outed for being in a friends with benefits relationship that people only talked about for a day before it was forgotten about. Tell her. Tell her what you want. “I want to become exclusive with you”

Your eyes bulge out in shock, almost choking on your spit. “What?”

Instead of answering straight away, Jaemin slips his hand into yours, fingers wrapping around your own before he tugs you down the hallway, looking for a vacant classroom to speak to you in private. Privacy might be what you need for the time being. He pulls you into the nearest empty one he could find, noticing by the posters and writings hung up on the wall that it was the social studies class and he’s quick to close the door behind himself.

The look on your face would’ve made him laugh if it wasn’t for the urge to kiss you. It was small, quick, a light smooch to your lips that leaves him yearning for more and he smiles once he sees your eyes closed and lips puckered, waiting to be kissed again. Cute. He thinks, deciding to give a short peck to your nose which has you opening your eyes with a pout.

“What did you mean by exclusive?”

“I don’t want to fuck anyone else, I just want to fuck you” His lips quirk when he sees you dip your head shyly at his blunt honesty. “I want us to become exclusive fuck buddies. We can still keep the rules, obviously, but I think it would be easier for us”

“Easier, how?”

“I want to be able to actually touch you without having to be in the comfort of our own bedrooms” He explains as his hand reaches out, the pads of his fingers grazing your cheek. “I want to be able to kiss you or even tease you whenever I feel the urge, I don’t want to wait until we get somewhere private… where’s the fun in that, hm?”

“But—”

“And even if people were to stare or talk about us, they’ll soon forget about it. That shit with Jeno and Yeeun lasted a day… we’ll be fine, I promise”

“I don’t know” Your uncertainty makes him a little sad, but he understands. Becoming exclusive is a big step, maybe a little too big. Maybe he should tell you the other reason about wanting to become exclusive with you, the Mia reason. The Eunbin reason. It bites away at him, tearing him apart piece by piece as the little voice in the back of his mind tells him not to lie to you.

He’s not technically lying. He’s told you part of the truth… but will telling you about what Mia said and how he felt make him weak? He would definitely feel embarrassed and he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of you again. Jaemin hates feeling weak. He hates letting small things take such a big hit on him. He prefers the mysterious, emotionless persona he’s got going on, he likes shielding a lot of things and if he’s honest about his feelings and thoughts towards Mia and Eunbin… god, he doesn’t know how he’d react. What if he cries? What if he—

“Can I think about it?” Your voice saves him out of his miserable thoughts. “It’s just that—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me” Jaemin cuts you off quickly with a shake of his head, hands coming up to rest on your cheeks. “I’m not going to force you to be exclusive with me if you're uncomfortable or not ready for that type of shit. I’ll wait, okay? You can take all the time you need to think about it”

You blink up at him before you push yourself up on your toes and Jaemin’s eyes widen in shock as your lips attach to his. He responds almost immediately, lips eagerly kissing back with urgency as his hands slip from your face to pull your flush against his chest by your hips.

His feet are moving forwards and yours backwards, chairs squeaking as they shift across the floor from both of you stumbling, being pushed and shoved out of the way before Jaemin decides to slip his hands around the backs of your thighs to lift you up, planting you down on a sturdy desk.

Jaemin grunts when he feels your hands touch his body, wanting nothing more than to rip off his shirt to feel skin upon skin. His tongue forces its way into your mouth, pants becoming uncomfortably tight as he rubs his lower half against your own, shuddering at the feeling of his bulge pressed against your thigh.

His fingers itch to get rid of your jeans, faintly touching the zipper and he would’ve pulled it down if it wasn’t for you nudging him back by his shoulders, putting a distance between you both. His chest moves rapidly, trying to catch his breath as he brows pull together in confusion, respecting the distance but confused on why.

“We’re in public” You remind him. His brow raises and you sigh. “Fine, we’re in college and if anyone walks through that door, we’ll be in trouble”

His tongue licks his bottom lip, head tilting to the side as he takes in your words. His brows raise again, more suggestively this time. “I kinda like the idea of getting caught fucking in a classroom”

• • •

Jaemin does not appreciate being stuck at his computer right now, jaw tense as he clicks away at his mouse to edit a photo while you’re present in the house and, unfortunately, no longer in his room.

He was in the midst of having his hand down your pants and yours in his while a movie played in the background but the loud shrill of his phone interrupted the moment, almost snapping his phone in half as he visually saw the sexual tension slip out of the window.

Jaemin wanted to kill Junghoon the second he saw his name flashing on the screen, but he calmed down when he realised that Junghoon doesn’t call him that often, there’s been a mere few times where the latter has texted some stupid meme or asked for a second opinion, but that was it, so it must’ve been serious.

It was serious.

He forgot to edit and submit his project that was supposed to be submitted two hours ago, completely missing the emails he received from Professor Kim who repeatedly asked the whereabouts of his photos which left Jaemin scrambling for an excuse, promising to have it up by the evening.

junghoon(class): so much for getting your dick sucked by vante earlier lol junghoon(class): must be tough

Blocked.

Jaemin was grateful that you weren’t too pissed off about him having to quickly finish off something for college, you even gave him reassurance and some encouraging words which made his chest fill with warmth, and he was close to forgetting his project all over again just to thank you with his head shoved between your legs but he couldn’t fail, not when he was so close to being a top student and passing.

Truthfully, Jaemin wanted you to stay with him while he worked, he even offered you to sit on his lap so he could teach you the ins and outs of photoshop (and be close to you, but he would never admit to that). You did for a few moments, leaning your back against his chest as you made small comments about his skills but you slipped away a little too quickly for his liking, shutting his bedroom door behind yourself to give him the privacy which he would’ve loved if it wasn’t for that fact he did want you here with him.

He feels… lonely now, weirdly. He appreciates being alone more than anything, he appreciates his own space and his own company. So why does he feel so lonely right now? Why does it feel so wrong to be by himself when he’s used to craving it so much?

Jaemin shakes the feelings away, clearing his throat to get back into the right mindset as he edits the last touches to his photo, making sure to accentuate the sky a little bit more before getting ready to finally submit the photo in for… Where are you right now? His eyes flick down to his phone that lays beside his mouse. Are you still here? Are you downstairs? He averts his attention back to his computer screen, resting his chin on his free palm as the other hand moves the mouse, clicking away at his mail and getting ready to send it over. Maybe you’re hanging out with Jeno. Jeno’s home.

Submitted! The bold, blue word appears on the screen and Jaemin is quick to stand up from his chair, gripping his phone in his hands as he checks for any unread messages, making his way out of his room in search of you.

He goes to progress down the stairs, fully believing that you would be hanging out with Jeno in the living-room watching some lame movie but he wavers when he hears your giggles and Yangyang’s yelling coming from behind, slowly looking over his shoulder at Yangyang’s half open bedroom door with his brows pulled together.

His feet move before he could think, heading straight to the door and pushing it open with a shove. He blinks upon seeing you sprawled on your stomach across Yangyang’s bed, the latter laying his entire weight on your back with his face shoved into your shoulder, spilling incoherent whines which Jaemin finds difficult to understand. His head cocks to the side in irritance, shoving his phone inside of his pocket as he leans against the doorframe, arms coming up to cross over his chest.

“What are you doing?” His voice startles you both. You’re the first to look up, but he doesn’t meet your eyes, not when they’re glued on Yangyang who raises his head to stare back at him. It irks him when he sees the grin spread across Yangyang’s lips when he digs his fingers into your sides to make you yelp. Jaemin’s eyes narrow in on that and he repeats, “What are you doing?”

“Teaching her a lesson” Yangyang answers simply above the sounds of your laughter as he continuously tickles your sides. “She’s hurting my feelings and she deserves to be punished”

Punished? Jaemin raises a brow at that, nose wrinkling in distaste as the unusual feeling resumes in his chest and a bitter taste is left in his mouth. The word irks him, especially coming from Yangyang’s lips. It doesn’t sit well at all and Jaemin turns on his heel, wanting to head back to his room without another word but he hears you call out his name. It makes him stop.

He peers his head back around the doorframe just in time to see you crawl out from beneath Yangyang, tumbling to the ground with a huff. Jaemin’s bites back a smile when you flip Yangyang off for laughing, pushing yourself up onto your feet. Jaemin watches curiously as you skip over to him and the smile he tries so hard to hide appears when you wrap your arms around his shoulders, smushing his cheek against yours as you lead him away from Yangyang’s bedroom.

Warmth crawls up his neck, his face hot and dusted a slight pink at the action, and his own arm slithers around your waist, pulling you into his side and laughing as you both wobble across the floorboards towards his room.

Your giggles are loud in his ears, clinging onto him tightly to prevent yourself from tripping over your own feet which he finds cute, keeping his arm wrapped around you as you both enter his room and close the door behind yourselves. His grip loosens on your waist to drop down at his desk chair, swivelling around to face his computer with his bottom lip jutting out in a frown as the image of Yangyang on top of you appears in his head, echoing the words ‘punished’ over and over, leaving an uncomfortable feeling in his chest.

He can’t help himself wonder why Yangyang was even lying on top of you like that and what you were both doing before he interrupted. He doesn’t really understand why he’s bothered about it so much and he doesn’t want to dwell on it any longer, but it’s hard when the image flashes in his eyes and that fucking smirk that Yangyang wore on his stupid fucking f—

“What’s up with you?” Your voice rips him out of his head, hand gripping the back of his chair to spin him around to make him face you. He avoids your gaze, opting to give you the silent treatment as he finds the wall behind you a little interesting today. He doesn’t miss the sigh that leaves your lips as you continue, “Okay. I’ll go back to Y—”

“You came over to spend time with me but you’re in Yangyang’s room” Jaemin immediately spills, almost cringing at himself at how he sounded. Pathetic. He leans back in his chair, eyes meeting yours as his arms cross over his chest, seemingly showing off. Even more pathetic. “You’re ignored me”

“I went to hangout with him because someone was working on their project” You interject, jabbing a finger at his chest. He frowns, rubbing the sore area. “You ignored me”

“I told you that you could sit right here” Jaemin states, unfolding his arms to gesture at his lap dramatically before resting his palms on his thighs as he scoffs, grumbling under his breath. “But no, you rather go lay under Yangyang’s half naked body”

“You know, it awfully sounds like you’re jealous”

Jaemin’s head has never turned so quickly, he swears he heard a crack as he stares at you with wide eyes. That’s preposterous!! Completely absurd!! Never in his life has Jaemin been jealous nor would he ever be jealous of Yangyang. His mouth drops open in shock at the accusation, disbelief written all over his features. “Me? Jealous?”

You smile with a nod. “Mhm”

He scoffs at that, shaking his head with a laugh. “You’re kidding, right? Rule number three, baby… no jealousy. I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous? There’s nothing to be jealous of… god, imagine being jealous of Yangyang of all people—what are you doing?”

“Nothing” You say, but it seems like a whole lot of nothing to Jaemin as he watches you get down on your knees in front of him, your hands running up his thighs over his jeans, lightly skimming his own hands that littered in tiny goosebumps, a chill going up his spine. “You’re kinda hot when you sound ‘not’ jealous”

“I’m really not jealous…” His voice is light, feathery, unable to push out his real voice as he’s too entranced with the way you’re looking at him, touching him. Jaemin’s lips press together tightly, remaining silent as he watches you undo the buttons on his jeans and pull down his zipper. He lifts his hips instinctively, assisting you in taking them off and he bites at his cheek to stay quiet at the slowness of you tugging his jeans down his legs.

He hates the fact he’s so turned on by your minimal movements, eyes flicking down to the bulge in his boxers. His fists clench, ears warm in embarrassment. Fucking pathetic. He watches you lean forwards, mouth ghosting over his covered cock and pressing light kisses which makes him curse aloud, fingers deathly gripping the armrest of his chair as your kisses turn into wet suckles. His cock strains uncomfortably against his boxers, begging to be release and touched but he fucking loves seeing you like this, on your knees between his spread legs, pleasing him, making him feel good.

Jaemin breathes heavily, his hand coming down to touch the back of your head, affectionately smoothing your hair, silently praising you, but something in him switches when you finally look up to meet his eyes, lips suckling on the covered tip. His own eyes darken, demeanour doing a complete 180 at the innocent look plastered across your face.

“You want to please me, baby?” He asks you, voice deep and gravelly. He licks at his lips, pushing your head even closer to him, boxers soiled and cock stretching the fabric. “You want to make up for the fact you left me for Yangyang? Hm? Make me feel good, baby… make me cum”

• • •

“J-Jaemin…” Your broken moans fill his room along with the music that blasts from his speakers, along with the sound of skin slapping as he holds you up against the bedroom wall, fingers gripping the meaty flesh of your thighs, your ankles locked at the bottom of his spine to keep you upright.

He mouths at your throat, licking and biting at the skin, creating the most prettiest of marks to decorate. Your arms wrap tightly around his shoulders, one hand gripping his shoulder while the other hand lays on the back of his head, pulling at his hair and sighs of pleasure leaves Jaemin’s lips, grunting every now and then when he feels your pussy tighten around his cock.

His skin is clammy, he’s so unbelievably sweaty and turned on at how you try to conceal your moans but end up blending it with the song that plays in the background, his favourite song. Are you his favourite person? Jeno can't give him the pleasure and the satisfaction you’re giving him right now, or continuously give him (even though, if pushed, Jeno would probably do it like the freak he is)… maybe Jeno’s losing his number one spot?

Jaemin grunts as he feels the heel of your foot dig into his lower back, cock shifting deeper inside and hitting at an angle that has you whining in his ears, pleading and begging him to go harder, to go faster.

“You take me so well, baby�� He praises you. “You’re doing such a good job”

“Jaemin” You cry out, tears brimming in your eyes as your head flings back against the wall and the loud hit rings in his eyes. He worries that you’ve hurt yourself, grip loosening on your thighs, completely forgetting that he was the one holding you up against the wall as he goes to cradle the back of your head but you begin to slip and he fumbles, losing his balance completely and he tries his hardest to catch you but fails to do so, tripping over his own feet and stumbling backwards to the hard wooden floorboards with you following suit.

He grunts as his back makes contact with the ground, the air knocking out of his lungs as you land on his chest with a huff, your head knocking his collarbone. Your mumble about something that he can’t understand, rubbing at the sore spot on the middle of your forehead as you roll off of him, face contorted in pain and Jaemin takes a hesitant peek down at his cock, afraid he’d see it bent and misshapen from the heavy fall but he lets out a breath of relief when he sees it still intact.

“Are you alright?” Jaemin asks you next, a hand coming around to cup your face, his thumb glides across your cheekbone as he turns your head to face him. The second you meet his eyes, a laugh bubbles from your chest, trying your best to stifle it behind closed lips but the sight of you trying not to laugh makes his lips curl, unable to control his own laugh.

“I’m alright” You confirm and Jaemin grins, replacing your hand as it drops in your lap, rubbing the small and unnoticeable lump on your forehead. “You’re an idiot, Na Jaemin. How did you forget you were holding my weight?!”

“Sorry for being concerned about you hitting your head against the wall like some possessed person” Jaemin teases, poking the tender lump and laughing when you swat his hand away. His brow raises, a cocky smirk spreading across his lips. “Didn’t realise my dick could do that to you”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Na” Jaemin’s bottom lip get caught between his teeth as you place your hands on his shoulders to climb onto his lap and he looks up at you with hazy eyes as you push him, his back resting against the wooden floorboards again. He pushes his sweaty bangs out of his eyes before resting his hands at your hips as you take a hold of his cock, rubbing the tip on your wet folds and his eyes roll to the back of his head. Oh how he wishes he wasn’t wearing a condom right now, but even though he so desperately wants to feel your slick cover him completely, he doesn’t want to risk anything dangerous. He’ll just have to suffer.

A groan rumbles in his chest as he watches you sit yourself down on his cock, burying him to the hilt. His fingers dig into your hips, surely leaving a bruise for later but neither of you seem to care, not when you begin to desperately grind against him for some friction.

“Still in the mood even after falling and hurting yourself?” He light-heartedly teases, a brow raised as he stares up at you. “That’s pretty kinky”

“I made you cum by shoving your cock down my throat earlier” Your palms press against his chest with a smirk. “Now it’s my turn”

Jaemin has never moved so fast, holding you securely as he flips the two of you over, positioning himself in between your thighs and hoving over you. He sets a rhythm with his hips, pounding in and out of your pussy that squelches with each thrust. Jaemin revels in the feeling of your hands groping his body desperately, thumbs tweaking his nipples, nails raking down his toned stomach. Your fingers twirl around the chain necklace and yank him down, smushing your lips against his in a messy kiss that sends Jaemin’s head swirling. There’s drool, there’s spit, there’s teeth nipping, all things that Jaemin would usually find disgusting but doing it with you… it’s so different, a good difference… but he can’t explain.

You’re rocking your hips up to meet his movements, pussy tightening around his throbbing cock and he grunts in the kiss, brows pulled together in concentration as he tries his hardest not to cum right then and there. He removes his lips from yours, looking down at where your bodies connect, slick covering the condom and his abdomen which makes him groan, the sight too hot for him to handle.

“You gonna cum again?” Your voice teases and Jaemin’s head shoots up to meet your eyes, seeing the way your lips curl into a smirk. You gasp in fake shock. “Are you really going to cum again, Jaemin?”

“Fuck you” Jaemin growls, leaning backwards to grip the back of your legs to pull them over his shoulder as he lays over you, bending you in a position that has him hitting deeper. He watches the smirk disappear off of your face as your mouth drops open in pleasure, eyes rolling to the back of your head as a strangled moan rips from the back of your throat. Jaemin smiles this time, lips brushing against your own. “Yeah… that’s what I thought, baby”

• • •

Jaemin would've never thought that in a million years he would be inside of Sunwoo's house with his fingers interlocked with yours, pushing through the sea of sweaty and drunk bodies, trying to find a clear path to get to Jeno and the others.

He doesn’t really understand why he agreed to come to Sunwoo (and apparently Yeeun’s) house party, he doesn’t like crowds and he knows that you didn’t want to be here because of Eric… So why did Jaemin spend the entire afternoon trying to convince you? Why was he being so consistent?

A part of him believes he wants to have fun, to spend more time with his friends and you in public, not wanting to constantly be behind closed doors and limited spaced rooms. The majority of his time spent with you has always been inside, maybe there’s a few café stops here and there, but it’s never been more than that.

But then there’s the other part of him, the other part that believes he’s here because of him, because of Eric. He wants to shove it in Eric’s face how happier you are without him, to show how you’re simply better off without that pink haired fucker in your life.

Since you opened up to Jaemin about your previous relationship with Eric, his hatred for him grew even more, understanding why Jeno and the others completely abandoned Eric during the breakup. Truthfully, Jaemin never really liked Eric. His presence around the house bothered him whenever Jeno had him over, his attitude made him want to throw a punch across his jaw and how cocky Eric seemed about how easy it was to get girls irked Jaemin to the core.

He hoped he could make Eric feel just as annoyed, or maybe even more, when he realises you came with him tonight. That you are in a friends with benefits relationship with him.

“You guys made it!!!” Miwoo happily cheers, loud enough to hear over the speakers that fill the house as she rips herself from Jeno’s arms to land in yours. Jaemin feels your hand pull from his to capture your friend, steadying her on her own feet as she points over at Donghyuck. “I told you they were going to change their minds! You owe me twenty, babyyyyy”

“Fuck you” Donghyuck grumbles angrily beneath his breath, digging inside his pocket to fish out his wallet, pulling a twenty from the pouch and slamming it on the table which Miwoo happily retrieves to stuff it inside her bra. Jaemin rolls his eyes as he watches Miwoo skip back over to Jeno who drunkenly grins up at her before smothering his face in between her breasts. Gross.

He almost opens his mouth to complain when you go over to sit down beside a faded out Yangyang but he catches himself quickly, clearing his throat as he settles down on a open space beside Renjun and Haru who seem to be in their own little world, sharing drunk smiles at each other and lingering touches. Cute.

“So…” Jaemin’s attention pulls away from you, his eyes darting to the source of the voice. Jeno stares back at him, eyes slightly red and dazed, hair dishevelled from Miwoo running her fingers through it. “Did you change her mind or did she change yours?”

“Mutual decision” He answers, although it was a lie. He changed yours. “We were bored at home, thought we would be better off here”

“I doubt it” Miwoo smiles teasingly, adjusting herself on Jeno’s thigh and wrapping an arm around his shoulder while he secures her waist. “You guys are in a friends with benefits relationship, meaning you guys fuck. No one gets bored of fucking, sweetheart. I think you’re here for one reason and one reason only”

Jaemin quirks a brow. “And what’s that?”

“Eric”

Jaemin’s tongue prods at his cheek in irritance at the name, a half-hearted chuckle slipping past his lips as he shakes his head. He hates the fact Miwoo can read him so easily and how quick she can get under his skin with just simple words. He’s aware of how scarily good she is at reading people too, having come across these moments more times than he can count on his fingers, but Jaemin wasn’t going to allow her to have her fun.

“We came here because we wanted to, alright?” Miwoo goes to open her mouth to come back at his words but Jaemin is quick to add on. “Enough, I’m serious”

“Jaemin…” Jeno speaks his name in a warning tone, shaking his head when he meets his eyes. It was a silent way to tell him to, simply, shut the fuck up. Jaemin wants to bite back, to whine about how Miwoo started it like a child would to its mother, but he remains quiet as he reaches for Renjun’s half empty cup of alcohol and downing it in a second.

Renjun blinks before comically turning to face Haru who laughs loudly, almost slipping off of his thigh if it weren’t for the grip around her waist keeping her steady. Jaemin grimaces at the burn that slides down the back of his throat, turning his head to put his attention back on you but he double takes when he sees Yangyang’s head buried in your neck, mouthing words against your skin while his hands wander around your body.

Jaemin’s brows furrow at that, watching Yangyang’s dainty fingers grip the material of your shirt to tug you closer to him as he raises his head. Yangyang’s out of it, completely gone, eyes bloodshot red and half lidded, unable to keep them open and your concern is obvious, especially when you cup his face in your hands to which Jaemin assesses from afar, wondering if he should step in and help or at least offer some assistance but you’re shooting up from your seat, rushing over in the direction of the kitchen while Yangyang incoherently complains, slurring his words and falling into Donghyuck’s side.

Jaemin’s eyes struggle to follow you once he sees you disappear around the corner, out of sight. He fiddles with the ring on his middle finger, heavily debating on whether to get up and follow you like some lost puppy or to stay put, to continue drinking with the others and get as drunk as they are.

“Go” Renjun’s voice speaks up, urging him with a gentle shove on his shoulder. Jaemin turns his head, meeting his eyes with his own confused ones but Renjun nods his head, the corner of his lips twitching upwards. “It’s cool, man… Just go”

Jaemin could possibly kiss Renjun right now if it wasn’t for him turning his attention back to Haru and planting a smooch on her cheeks. Jaemin shoots up from his seat, almost knocking over the beer cans that scatter amongst the glass coffee table as his shoes drag across the floorboards, running his fingers through his locks as he frustratingly pushes through the mass of sweaty, dancing bodies.

He almost snaps when someone tries to touch his face, their fingers grazing over the tip of his nose, but he pauses all movements when he finally sees you, and you’re with Eric.

His heartbeat feels loud as fuck in his ears, body buzzing with a unfamiliar feeling that makes him feel choked and a little sick. His nostrils flare when he sees the baggy Eric’s got in his hands, holding out a little red heart shaped pill in between your bodies. He can’t make out the words Eric’s speaking to you but the look on your face is enough to let him know how uncomfortable and unsure you’re feeling, he doesn’t miss the emotion that flashes in your eyes either when he sees the way you’re staring down at the pill.

Are you…? Jaemin’s brows pull together the second Eric brings the pill up to his lips and his feet start moving, not fully realising what’s going on until he realises how close he’s getting to you. His hand reaches out, plucking the pill out of his fingers all while remaining eye contact with the pick headed boy. There’s hardly no hesitancy when Jaemin opens his mouth, tongue poking out to lay the pill on the wet muscle before he turns his attention to you, who looks as shocked as ever as Jaemin places his hand on the back of your neck to drag you into a kiss, thrusting his tongue in between your lips to transfer the pill onto your own.

He doesn’t pull away, he stays. Lips locking together in a heated kiss, a clash of tongue and teeth, fingers tugging the hairs at the back of your neck. It’s all for show, he thinks, eyes fluttering open to briefly glance at Eric who struggles to speak as he stares at you both.

Jaemin breaks the kiss to grab the last pill out of the baggy Eric holds, popping the drug in his mouth while watching the latter splutter his words, hands dropping to his sides, fists clenched.

Eric looks like he wants to kill Jaemin and Jaemin thrives off of it. He can’t help it, nor can he help the smirk that slithers it’s way across his lips as his adams apple bobs when he swallows the pill, eyes refusing to leave Eric’s which fill with annoyance and anger. Jaemin wants Eric to speak up or to even do something about what just happened, the toxic part of his mind wanting to cause a scene in front of everyone, to make Eric look like a fool.

But life doesn’t turn out that way, not when he feels your hand curl around his arm to pull him away from the scene, dragging him out of the kitchen and out of Eric’s sight.

“What the hell was that about?” You question him but he barely hears it over the music and his own thoughts, chest swelling with pride and cheeks burning from the wide smile that’s on his face at the images of Eric almost crumbling in his spot at the thought of his ex-girlfriend finally being taken away from him.

The adrenaline that pumps through Jaemin’s veins is enough for him to move quickly, pulling his arm out of your grasp to rest around your shoulders to pull you into his side, twirling the ends your hair around his fingers as he turns to look at you, that’s when he notices you are speaking to him.

“Jae?” You pull a face at him as you repeat your last question.

“I was watching you, noticed how uncomfortable you were” He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. “But I told you, didn’t I? I got you”

You roll your eyes, remembering the conversation you had earlier when Jaemin was convincing you to come to the party, promising that he’s got you in any situation. That he’s always there to help you out. “Yeah, yeah, you got me”

Jaemin beams at that, glancing around at the crowd of sweaty bodies that dance to the music, eyebrows twitching when he sees Mia standing a few feet ahead of him, manicured fingernails wrapped around a plastic cup, dark eyes staring daggers at you under his arm.

He takes a deep breath. “Plus, I wanted to show him”

“Show him what?”

Jaemin pulls his eyes away from Mia’s to look at you, scanning your face and taking in every single detail he could see. Your makeup, your lips, your brows scrunched together and eyes filled with confusion and wonder. It makes his heart melt at the sight, almost makes him coo out loud and pinch your cheeks but he holds back, deciding to lead closer to your face to slowly whisper,

“To show him what he’s missing out on, baby”

He didn’t really expect you to act drastically, maybe get a little flustered and shy at his forwardness, but he definitely didn’t expect you to lurch forwards, crushing your lips against his in a hurried kiss in front of everyone. His eyes widen comically, a laugh spluttering past his lips in shock before he melts into the touch, placing his hand on your cheek in a light grip to deepen the kiss.

He tries to clumsily guide you both to the lounge area where the others remain, but he struggles due to the bodies bumping into him and tripping over your shoes so he decides to stay put, heat rising up his neck as he feels you grip his necklace to pull him close as possible, ignoring the sounds of groups hollering and calling out his and your names, accepting that this might be your answer to the two of you becoming exclusive.

• • •

You look happy.

That’s the word Jaemin would use to describe you right now, watching from the sidelines as you dance to the music with Miwoo and Jeno at your side, arms carelessly thrown in the air, moving your hips to the beat and to Miwoo’s movements. He watches how you feel the rhythm, holding Miwoo’s waist as you sway back and forth, giggling and laughing with each other and whispering things into each other's ear.

Jaemin’s curious, wondering what the two of you could be whispering about as he brings the joint to his lips to take a hit, inhaling deeply for that satisfying burn at the back of his throat before passing it over to Donghyuck who whines for it, holding out it hands in grabbing motions which, surprisingly, Jaemin laughs at, shaking his head. Yangyang stands in between him and Donghyuck, smoking his own joint and bobbing along to the music, spluttering out a laugh and cheers as he points at Shotaro who drunkenly dances with Yeji.

He spots Haru and Renjun dancing together in the corner, sharing a few light kisses and lingering touches which Haru grins at, covering her mouth to laugh but Renjun tugs her hand away to kiss her again. Jaemin smiles at that, lifting a can of beer to his lips as his eyes wander around the room, freezing immediately as he sees Miwoo cling to you, her lips pressed to yours in a soft kiss.

Jeno’s gasping dramatically, slapping the palm of his hand over his mouth, capturing the attention of Donghyuck and Yangyang who gape at the sight in front of them, jaws dropping and eyes widening. Jaemin’s not sure how to react, although he finds the picture quite interesting to say the least, but he’s never seen you like this before, kissing another person. He’s aware of how Miwoo is, knowing that she’ll comfortably lock lips with anyone as long as Jeno approves.

Although, his amusement drops the second he sees Miwoo part away from you to place her hand on the back of Jeno’s head, bringing him forwards to press against you and Jeno wastes no time as his lips get caught with yours. Jaemin’s fingers tighten around the can in his hand as Donghyuck and Yangyang cough uncontrollably, stumbling over their own feet as they try and get a closer look, even rubbing their eyes to see if they’re seeing things.

“Dude… either I’m seeing Jeno making out with Y/N and Miwoo or Sunwoo gave us some hard new shit” Donghyuck’s voice rasps, staring down at the joint in his hand before his head flicks up to the trio. “I’m really hoping it’s the former”

“Would’ve been perfect if Jeno’s fat head wasn’t in the way” Yangyang grumbles, taking a quick hit of the blunt before trying to pass it to Jaemin who fails to notice, eyes trained on the way Jeno’s tongue is pushing in between your lips, the steamy and wet kiss leaving a uncomfortable feeling in his throat. Yangyang bumps his shoulder to get his attention. “Bro, take it or I’m smoking the rest”

“Think Jaemin’s a little jealous” Donghyuck teases, gently tugging the earring dangling from Jaemin’s ear before he sighs heavily, side glancing at the trio. “Not gonna lie, I am too… some good jerk off material though—”

“You are seriously not getting your phone out right now”

“You bet I am” Donghyuck responds to Yangyang, cackling as he pats down his pockets to locate his phone, only to immediately shriek when he declares it missing. Jaemin pays no attention, eyes narrowing in on Jeno licking into your mouth and swirling his tongue around Miwoo’s when hers joins in on the action. The position looks awkward to Jaemin, not fully understanding how it could be comfortable to have a three-way-kiss but Jaemin’s already striding forwards when you finally part from them both, allowing the couple to indulge in each other.

Jaemin bends his knees slightly when he reaches you, promptly throwing you over his shoulders with a hand resting on your ass to hold down your skirt as he carries you away from the others, ignoring the protests and the questions that spill from you as he pushes through the crowd, glaring down those who stared at your legs far too long or even tried to take a peek up your skirt, fingers digging into the material to drag it down further to hide your panties.

You’re uncontrollably laughing now, gripping the backs of Jaemin’s thighs as he weaves his way through the hallways of the house, biting back his own laugh when he teasingly threatens to drop you and you pinch him in warning but his demeanour changes when a random drunk tries to reach out for your legs to join in on the fun, forcefully pushing him out of the way and almost kicking him until he realises he’s close to the bathroom he’s been searching for.

He places you down on your two feet, steadying you as you stumble forwards before moving to the bathroom door, shutting and making sure the lock was secure before he slowly turns towards you, body buzzing with the way you’re looking at him through hooded lids.

“Did you lock us in here?” Your voice sounds sultry, sends shivers down his spine and his lips curl into a grin, his eyes dark as he nods slowly. He lets you reach out for him, fingers toying with the front of his shirt as you pull him towards you, looking up at him with wide and innocent eyes, even though Jaemin could see right through you. “And what are you going to do to me behind this lock door?”

“I want to punish you” He speaks, voice dark and scary. You blink up at him in surprise, clearly not expecting that answer but he doesn’t give you time to think about it, kissing your lips softly before he moves away, not wanting to get too carried away as he slowly drops to his knees. “But I also want to make you feel really good”

His hands run up your thighs beneath your skirt, fingers hooking the strap of your underwear to pull them down your legs all while remaining eye contact, breathing heavily as you perch yourself on top of the bathroom counter, spreading your legs wide enough for him to fit in between. Jaemin fights the urge to smile at how eager you are for him as he strokes your thighs, creating goosebumps in his path. The effect he has on you makes him proud, his ego being boosted as he realises that he is the only one that can make you feel whatever you are feeling right now.

It’s exhilarating.

“Jaemin…” His name flows from your mouth in a soft whisper as he pokes out his tongue, pressing the wet muscle flat against your folds before licking a clean strip from your quivering hole to your clit, the taste of your essence hitting his tongue and he grunts, already craving for more. He tilts his head to the side, admiring your wet pussy, feeling his cock stir in his pants at the way his spit and your arousal glisten from the bathroom light above your heads. His mouth waters for another taste, almost afraid he’d start to dribble if he stares any longer but he’s captivated.

He shifts uncomfortably on his knees, cock straining against the confinements of his boxers and pants, and he goes to take them off, to finally free himself but all he can think about right now is diving in between his girl’s legs and devouring her sweet little pussy.

Jaemin pauses for a brief moment, stunned at the thoughts that run through his head. My girl? His mouth dries, eyes trailing up your body to your face, meeting your desperate eyes and the giddy smile that’s etched on your face. My girl? His heart thumps in his chest, struggling to form any sort of sentence or ask the question that's on the tip of his tongue, but it dawns on him, the realisation of what you are to him right now.

You’re exclusive. You’re exclusive friends with benefits. He doesn’t want anyone else, he wants you. You seem to not want anyone else either, hopefully you just want him. Nothing else matters, right?

My girl? The question lingers in his head again, yet he has the answer this time, a smile tugging at his lips. Yeah, my girl.

• • •

Jaemin is experiencing the hangover from hell. His head pounds with excruciating pain, mouth drier than the desert and he feels like he’s about to vomit everything he consumed last night. His muscles ache in ways he’s afraid he’s not going to be able to do much for the day, although he doesn’t exactly have anything important planned, and the light in your bathroom is too much for his sensitive eyes, one hand coming up to cover them while the other helps him pee, carefully peeking through his fingers just in case he accidentally directs his stream elsewhere.

Last night was all one big blur, despite him remembering a few small details like how he made a fool out of Eric and that you decided to become exclusive with him, and maybe he remembers eating you out and then fucking you against the sink in Sunwoo’s bathroom… maybe.

He doesn’t remember coming back to your apartment after the party, but waking up in between your legs, cosying up with you beneath a blanket on the sofa proves that he must’ve had a good night. He did wonder why the two of you were sleeping on the sofa and not in your bed, but his question was answered when he peered his head through the crack of your bedroom door before he went to piss and saw Yangyang, Donghyuck and Shotaro sprawled out across your bed, sheets and pillows thrown everywhere. They must’ve had a good night too.

But what Jaemin needed right now was a well deserved shower. He felt so sweaty, so dirty, and the fact that he was still wearing last night's clothes just shows how bad he needed this shower.

He turns on the hot water after relieving himself, weakly stretching and groaning at the dull ache at the back of his neck and the bottom of his spine, internally cursing for letting his drunken self sleep on the sofa when he knows he should’ve kicked the boys out of your room, but he knows it was probably you that offered your room to them. You’re too sweet.

With a tired yawn, Jaemin digs his hand inside his pants pocket to grab his phone, brows pulling together at the amount of texts and instagram notifications that fill up his lockscreen, immediately his texts first and sighing when he sees Junghoon’s name.

junghoon(class): DUD E junghoon(class): ARE YOU AND ERICS EX GIRFRIEND DATINg????? junghoon(class): istg i jus saw u and her makeout at sunwoos party junghoon(class): ok no deadass i think im watchi u walk upstars with her man junghoon(class): NA??? ARE YOU FUCKING HR junghoon(class): u literally have the best luck im ovr it

Jaemin snickers at the messages, shaking his head at Junghoon’s drunk texts. He debates on whether to message back, to correct him on yours and his situation, but he decides against it, deciding to be actually decent for once, although he knows he’ll regret it once Junghoon teases him in class about being caring and considerate.

jaemin: lol jaemin: hope u got home ok jaemin: good luck with that hangover man lmao

Swiping off of the texts, he checks his instagram this time to see the endless amount of posts the group had posted of last night, a genuine smile forming on his lips at the ones he’s tagged in, some with his arms wrapped around you and others with Jeno, truly seeming to enjoy himself and he double taps his screen to like the photos, even going as far as screenshotting the ones he liked most and sharing others on his story, adding a simple smiley face at the bottom.

But his own smile slowly fades from his face as notices a familiar name on the recent instagram stories, his thumb slowly coming up to click the icon and his heart drops into his stomach once he sees what’s been posted.

Eunbin’s bright smile fills his phone screen, excitingly holding a plane ticket in her hands with fancy text written across the photo that captions: going home soon! And green heart emojis placed in different areas with a singular plane emoji.

Jaemin almost drops his phone from how clammy his hands have gotten, heart pounding heavily and a high pitched ring fills his ears. Eunbin’s coming home? Has it already been that long? He pockets his phone before his arms motionlessly fall to his side, head clouding with countless thoughts and emotions, unable to truly pinpoint which emotion he wants to focus on more so his face remains stoic, but his mind is chaotic.

He isn’t sure how he feels about Eunbin coming back home, but he knows he’s far from happy and excited. Truthfully, he doesn’t want to see her. He doesn’t want anything to do with her at all, and if somehow by any chance she had suddenly waltzed into your bathroom to strike up a conversation with him, he would lose it.

Would she even come and talk even after everything? Jaemin wonders to himself, fingers twitching at his side in annoyance. He’s ignored her texts, he’s ignored her calls… he’s even gone as far as blocking her number off of his phone so he doesn’t have to see her name anymore (curse him for forgetting about instagram) so surely Eunbin understands the situation? Right?

He shuts his eyes tightly, wanting to forget about everything, wanting to erase the thoughts inside of his head and he struggles deeply, his teeth gritting together in frustration and his fists ball at his sides, trying to focus on the sound of the water spouting from the showerhead but nothing works, nothing ever works, until you walk in.

Jaemin hears you behind him, reopening his eyes and turning to look over his shoulder, seeing you standing at the door with your fresh clothes in hand. All his worries, all his problems, all of his struggles immediately slip away and his body relaxes, relief washing through him as he meets your eyes and the softest of smiles spread across his lips.

“Hi” He whispers, unable to really find his voice as he watches you walk over to him. His head dips low when he feels your arm brush against his, pressing his lips to yours in a soft kiss out of pure instinct. He likes that you don’t pull away, unable to hide the grin on his face which makes it hard for him to continue kissing you.

“Hi” You greet him back, putting space between you and him to get rid of your clothes, freely changing in front of him into some jeans and one of his sweatshirts which he doesn’t mind, leaning his back against the sick as he watches. His brows pull together in confusion when he realises exactly what you’re doing, opening his mouth to question where you're heading but you’re already beating him to it. “Miwoo, Haru and I are going to grab some burgers for everyone from that new burger shack in town. Everyone’s hungry”

Jaemin makes a noise, nodding his head before he offers, “Want me to come after I shower?”

“It’s okay. The others are staying, you should too” You shake your head, turning to look at him with one of your gentle smiles that makes his chest erupt with warmth, the proximity allowing him to duck his head down to capture your lips with his but you move back slightly, eyebrow raised as you look at him. “Is this your way of trying to persuade me into letting you come?”

The corner of his mouth twitches. “Is it working?”

“Not at all” You giggle, finally allowing him to kiss you. He sighs softly at the feeling of your lips on his, hands coming up to cup your cheeks, tilting his head to the side for better leverage to kiss you deeper. Goosebumps crawl across his skin when he feels your hands rest at his hips, fingers clutching the material of his shirt, pulling him so close he’s wondering if there was any more space between the two of you.

He wants you to stay. He doesn’t want you to leave right now, especially after kissing you like this and having you so close to him. Jaemin hopes he’s conveying his words through his actions, holding your face in his grasp a little tighter as he tries to back you up to the counter but you’re resisting against him which makes him whine, lips jutting out in a pout as you break the kiss.

“I know what you’re trying to do” You grin at him, pinching his side teasingly and he jerks, a laugh spluttering past his lips as he pushes your hands away from him. “I’ll be five minutes, tops”

“Yeah?” He hums, head tilting to the side as he looks down at you. “And then you’ll be all mine?”

He sees how your eyes widen slightly at that, shocked by the forwardness of his words and he holds back on making a comment about how shy you seem to be despite the urge to tease laying on the tip of his tongue, quickly turning his head to check the temperature of the water that’s been running a little longer than necessary, not even getting a chance to hear what you said over the noise before he turns back to you, changing the topic completely without fully realising it.

“Don’t be long, okay?” Jaemin presses a quick kiss to your lips. “I’ll kick the boys out of your bed once you’re back so we can watch a movie or something”

You blink slowly, brows furrowing together for a brief moment before you snort. “Good luck with that. They’ll want to join”

Jaemin shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly before he tugs the shirt over his head, throws it to the side and hooks his thumbs beneath the waistband of his sweats as he turns to you with a smirk. “I’ll just lock the door”

• • •

“Get up. Get the fuck out. Out. Leave”

“Please! No!” Donghyuck whines loudly, clinging tightly to the pillow beneath his head and wrapping his legs around Shotaro and Yangyang’s frames as Jaemin barges in through the bedroom door, swatting the trio that are on your double sized bed. Jaemin’s hand wraps around Donghyuck’s ankle to yank him out from the bed but a battle cry rips from the back of his throat, succeeding in waking up the two next to him who lift their heads in a daze, confused on what’s going on.

“What’s happening?” Shotaro groggily asks as he tries to sit up from beneath Yangyang’s arm and Donghyuck’s leg.

“He’s going to kill me!!!” Donghyuck cries out as he fights back against Jaemin’s constant tugging. Yangyang glances at the pair with an unamused expression, rolling his eyes as he drops his head back down to the pillow, cuddling back up to Shotaro who continues to watch with wide eyes. Jaemin grabs Donghyuck’s other ankle when he swings his leg to attack him, making sure he has a tight grip as he uses up all of his strength to rip Donghyuck off of the mattress, the latter crumbling to the floor with a scream.

Jaemin’s chest heaves heavily, looking down at Donghyuck’s form on the floor before slowly raising his head to Shotaro who looks puffy from tiredness, his hair sticking in all sorts of directions and lips pouting out at what just happened. Jaemin smiles softly at Shotaro, muttering a quiet good morning to the boy before fisting the back of Yangyang’s shirt and throwing him off of the bed.

Yangyang grunts as his back makes contact with the ground, curling into a ball as he winces at the pain that spreads up his spin. Donghyuck pats Yangyang’s leg sympathetically as he pushes himself to stand and Jaemin pays no attention to the glare that’s sent his way, too busy making the bed as Shotaro climbs out untouched.

“What was that for?!” Donghyuck shouts, not caring that he almost bursts everyone’s eardrums at his pitch.

“I need the room” Jaemin answers calmly as he fluffs the pillows. “Me and Y/N are gonna watch a movie”

“A movie sounds good” Yangyang confesses, holding his thumb up to accept the ungiven invitation.

Jaemin turns to face him with a blank expression as he deadpans, “I’m locking the door. It’s just me and her”

“You’re watching a movie without us?” Donghyuck sasses, placing his hands on his waist as he cocks his hip out, giving Jaemin a look. “We’re all here and you’re just gonna watch a movie without us? That’s a bitch move, Jaemin. You’re a bitch”

“And you stink” Jaemin mumbles, pushing at Donghyuck’s shoulder who gasps, touching his shoulder in offence. “Go shower. The girls will be back with burgers soon”

“Burgers?” Donghyuck’s attitude does a complete 180 and he grins, eyes shining brightly as he snatches Shotaro’s hand in his. “Let's go shower!!”

Shotaro whines in protest as he’s tugged out of the bedroom, his complaining being cut off by a loud slam of the bathroom door. Yangyang barely moves, staring up at Jaemin from the floor with a look in his eye that Jaemin can only describe as annoyance. He has a gut feeling on why Yangyang’s annoyed but he tries to ignore it as he continues making the bed.

“You should to shower too” Jaemin tells him, finishing the last touches by tucking in your blanket. “You s—”

“Are you exclusive now?” There it is. Jaemin sighs, straightening his back as he looks at Yangyang who rises to his feet, eyes trained on Jaemin. He nods and Yangyang’s brows furrow. “Your choice or hers?”

“Does it matter?” Jaemin asks and he sees Yangyang’s shoulders sag slightly, seeming defeated. Jaemin feels hurt by this, his chest heavy and throat tightening but he doesn’t comment on it. There’s no need for him to feel hurt by Yangyang’s expression.

“I guess not” Yangyang whispers with a shake of his head, rubbing the back of his neck as he disappears out of the room, leaving Jaemin standing alone in the middle of your bedroom. Jaemin lets out a deep exhale, running his fingers through his hair as he sits down at the edge of the bed, his head overcrowded with thoughts that he desperately wants gone, making him too confused and feeling too many things at once.

Was becoming exclusive with you not a good idea? It’s what he wanted, it’s what you wanted. He talked about it with you, he said there was no rush… but you did hesitate at first when he asked you… but you kissed him after you took some time to think right? In front of everyone? Jaemin surely thinks that was your way of agreeing to become exclusive with him. What else could it possibly mean?

Jaemin curses to himself, tired of overthinking over a small thing. The problem was it wasn’t small, it was anything but small. Jaemin’s aware it’s a big change in your friends with benefits situation you have, becoming exclusive even after one of the rules being placed that you. were. not. exclusive. Both broke a rule, Jaemin thinks, rule two was broken by both, not just him. It was a mutual decision.

But one question lingered in Jaemin’s mind, has it always been a mutual decision?

“You good?” Jeno’s voice rips Jaemin out of his thoughts, his darting over to the sudden sound to see Jeno hovering in the bedroom doorway, pulling a shirt over his head to cover his toned chest and torso. Jaemin doesn’t give him a verbal answer, opting to nod as he stands up from the edge of the bed. Jeno doesn’t seem convinced. “You sure?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking”

Jeno presses, “About?”

“It’s nothing” Jaemin dismisses, shaking his head which he hears Jeno sigh at. His brows pull together, eyes narrowing in on Jeno. “What?”

“You know what” Jeno bites back, stepping further into the bedroom. “Just talk to me, man. Are you thinking about what happened last night? Between you and Y/N?”

“Kinda” Jaemin huffs, scratching the back of his neck. “It was a mutual decision, by the way… mutual. But with everyone talking about it and with Yangyang acting all…” Jaemin pauses to sigh, leaning his head back in frustration for letting Yangyang’s emotions get to him. “Do you think becoming exclusive with her was a good idea?”

Jeno purses his lips in thought. “Is she cool with it?”

“Yeah, I mean, she’s the one that kissed me in front of everyone”

“Okay” Jeno nods. “Are you cool with it?”

Jaemin scoffs at that. “Obviously”

“Then yeah, becoming exclusive was a good idea” Jaemin struggles to seem convinced by Jeno’s words despite the sincerity in them, the honesty pooling in his eyes. Jeno reaches out to playfully hit Jaemin’s shoulder, hoping to cheer him up. “Who cares about what other people think, right? As long as you two are both fine with whatever is going on between you—”

“We’re still friends with benefits” Jaemin cuts Jeno off quickly, a little too quickly which makes Jeno’s brows raise in surprise and heat creep up Jaemin’s neck from embarrassment, but he coughs to clear his throat. “We’re still friends with benefits… we’re just exclusive friends with benefits, that’s all that's changed”

“Riiight…” Jeno drags out, seemingly suspicious and Jaemin feels a bit taken back, wanting to question him further but Jeno doesn’t give him time as he’s already asking, “Have you ever thought about being more? Has that ever crossed your mind at all?”

“Don’t ask me that…” Jaemin speaks quietly this time and Jeno knows he’s hurt a nerve, a frown making its way onto his lips. Jaemin feels a little choked up, sick even, but it wasn’t at the thought of becoming more with you, it was because the thought of becoming something to somebody so early into the heartbreak he’s still recovering from. He wasn’t ready. Maybe he’ll never be ready.

Love scares him, relationships scare him. He doesn’t want past mistakes and the pain to repeat, not anytime soon and preferably not ever again. He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want to fall in love. He wants to have fun and he definitely wants a distraction, and that’s exactly what you are. He hopes he’s still the same to you too.

𝐓𝐀𝐆 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓:- (sorry if i missed out on people and sorry if this doesn't work. i've had trouble with it a few times)

@m1ss-foodi3 ‣ @choppedupcactus ‣ @sunshinedhyuck ‣ @daydreamiies ‣ @ahgastayzen ‣ @beingpeachy ‣ @luvenshiti ‣ @constantinopleo ‣ @yuthereal-mp4 ‣ @wonnieluvs ‣ @kyngaji ‣ @baekhyunangst ‣ @jaeminie-cricket ‣ @therewillalwaysbearainbow ‣ @heychan ‣ @subhyuck ‣ @bockhyun ‣ @jvngkookks ‣ @carelessshootanonymous ‣ @renjunvibes ‣ @wanlore ‣ @nctflix

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#nct smut #jaemin smut #nct dream smut #nct dream #nct #nct jaemin #nct dream jaemin #nct angst #nct fluff #nct fic #nct dream au #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #na jaemin #jaemin fluff #jaemin angst #jaemin fic #jaemin au #fic: the way life goes

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eksvaized · 4 months

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[ Previous ┃ Next ] part 9

Simon was fiddling with his balaclava. The fabric was coarse and suffocating. It stuck to his skin, causing a persistent itch that seemed to spread across his face. He had to resist the urge to yank it off. Matt has seen his face, but with a little bit of luck, he might have knocked that image out of his head when he beat him up, and if he keeps his features hidden, Matt might not remember him by the end of all of this.

Matt was awake. His face was smeared with dried blood, his nose was broken, and his clothes were ripped. He was locked in the cell, which was in the damp basement of the old shed. Simon refused to engage in conversation, leaving Matt to stew in his fear. However, Matt was far from docile. He banged on the bars, threw his body against them, and did everything he could to draw Simon’s attention. He even tried to negotiate his release, foolishly hoping that words could somehow set him free.

“What the hell do you want from me?!” At first, Matt was timid and sat in the dark corner, too terrified to even raise his head. But as Simon continued his ominous silence, it gave him the confidence to speak, which eventually led to him yelling and shouting. He lashed out, and his fear turned into anger. “Is it the money you need? I’m loaded... my family is flush with cash!” At this point, he was practically tearing his hair out. “Just let me out and... and I swear to you, I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone. Fuck, I’ll even pay you. Just name your price and let me go”

Simon bought this property many years ago. However, it had been just as long since he last set foot in this old, weathered shed. He used this place to control his urges when his impulses would drive him astray. Whenever he found himself in a mess of his own making — a situation that seemed impossible to resolve — this shed allowed him to slow down, pause and think, and figure a way out.

Admittedly, most, if not all, people who found themselves in a similar situation as Matt’s, trapped in a cold cell, did not get out of here alive. But Simon wanted to believe that this time, it would end differently. Killing Matt, no matter how much of a scumbag he was, would upset you, and Simon didn’t want to do anything that could cause you pain.

“Shut up!” Simon eventually roared, unable to endure Matt’s incessant whining for a moment longer. He had been trying to unlock Matt’s phone for the past half hour, but he couldn’t figure out the passcode, and he was sick of having to wait every time his guess was incorrect. “How do I unlock your phone?”

Matt hesitated, his cheeks squished between the bars. His eyes darted to the phone in Simon’s hand. But as Simon rose to his feet, Matt immediately took a step back and blurted out a sequence of numbers and random letters. Simon sat back down and entered the password. The phone unlocked.

Simon started looking through the contents of it. His eyes were drawn to a series of notifications that littered the screen. There were two missed calls and five unread messages. None seemed important, except for a text from someone named Carl, who appeared to be furious because Matt hadn’t shown up at work. In an attempt to maintain the illusion of normality, Simon responded. Pretending to be Matt, he explained he needed to take a few days off because he was feeling unwell after a heavy night out.

Simon realised that it was important to preserve the impression that Matt had not disappeared.

Once that was done, he swiftly navigated to the conversation thread between you and Matt. This was, after all, the primary reason he had this phone. Simon wanted to know what it was Matt says to you, what he tells you to make you fall at his feet. Yet, to his surprise, there were merely a handful of text exchanges. Most of them were from Matt, asking if you were free, if you were at home, and if he could come over.

He then clicked on the gallery. It was filled with many pictures of Matt with a different woman by his side each time. Also, there were two or three shots of his dick, which Simon scoffed at (and which made him grow confident, knowing there was no way he could please you with that tiny thing). As he tried to erase those haunted images from his mind, he stumbled upon something that piqued his interest and ignited a flame of anger within him.

Matt has taken multiple pictures of you. In all of them, you were asleep, completely oblivious that a camera was pointed at you. If it had been Simon who had captured these, he would have paused, perhaps even taken the time to admire them. But knowing that Matt had taken these without your consent infuriated him. Simon’s grasp on the phone became so tight, his fingers pressing into the device with such force that he was on the brink of shattering the screen.

Simon was buried so deep in his thoughts that it took a long time for Matt’s muted voice, as he talked to himself, to reach his ears. Simon didn’t raise his head to look at him, but he paused to listen.

“... if I’d known this night was going to end like this... Fuck, I would never... ever have gone to see that bitch and got drunk... I—”

“Don’t call her like that unless you want me to rip out your tongue and feed it to you,” Simon hissed. He should have kept his lips sealed, but he wasn’t going to let that jerk talk about you like that.

“Who? Y/N? She’s a bi—” Matt was about to repeat the same mistake. But before the word could slip past his lips, Simon sprang to his feet and moved closer to the bars that separated them. Simon’s eyes darkened, and he made no effort to hide the raw anger that was seeping out of him. Matt got the memo and shut his mouth; at the same time, everything seemed to connect in his mind, and clarity hit him. Everything began to make sense. “So she’s the reason I’m there?” He spat and began to pace around the cell, his fingers running through his dirty hair. “That’s it, isn’t it? You’re just some bitter ex-boyfriend of hers, aren’t you?

Simon maintained a stony silence. He feared that if he opened his mouth, he might say something he would later regret. There was still a chance that Matt might walk out of here alive, so the less he knew about Simon, who was still just a masked stranger to him, the better it was. He tried very hard not to let Matt’s incessant chatter provoke him, but the idiot wasn’t shutting up.

“I don’t care about her... she’s yours! Honestly, I only reached out to her because I was curious. We dated in high school, but she was always such a prude, and I...”

Matt truly believed that he was doing the right thing by giving up you, allowing Simon to have you all to himself, promising he would disappear from your life. His desperate speech was working. But the problem was that Matt didn’t know when to stop talking.

“I only kept coming over because she kept inviting me. She seemed ecstatic to reunite with me... I was initially apprehensive, but after the first time we slept together, I knew I could exploit her.” Matt paused for a moment, taking a deep breath to fill his lungs with air before continuing. “I knew I could text her whenever I wanted to fuck. She never turned me down, and whenever I came over, the night always ended with me in her bed. I let her believe I liked her, that there was a chance we may be something more in the future... all because she was fantastic in bed and made herself easy.”

Simon had reached his breaking point. He could no longer tolerate Matt’s disrespectful comments about you. You weren’t easy, and you weren’t an object that he could use anytime he wanted to show his dick into someone. Your innocence and naivety led you to believe that Matt genuinely liked you. This belief is what kept you going back to him, time and time again. You were too blind to recognise that Matt was taking advantage of you. And you would probably never see it, but that doesn’t matter. Simon will handle this. He won’t stand by and watch you get hurt, nor will he let Matt break your heart. He will make sure that Matt will never touch you again.

Matt was gripping the cold bars, standing perilously close, his knuckles turning white. Simon’s mind went blank, and he closed the gap between them. His calloused hand wrapped around Matt’s throat.

Matt immediately began his desperate struggle, his every muscle strained as he tried to push Simon away. His fingers dug into Simon’s arms, his nails clawing at his skin in an attempt to break free. But Simon, without a single thought in his head, fuelled by rage, remained still; he was stronger and his hold was firm. He kept squeezing and squeezing, preventing the air from filling Matt’s lungs. His eyes, devoid of mercy, fixated on Matt’s face, watching as he began to run out of oxygen and strain to breathe. A minute passed. Matt’s face turned a disturbing shade of blue, his eyes started to water, and the tears rolled down his pallid cheeks.

Simon was so focused on keeping his grip secure, refusing to let go, that he failed to register Matt’s frantic movements. He didn’t notice when Matt’s fingers curled around the fabric of his balaclava. He was oblivious until the very moment when Matt tugged Simon’s mask off. A sudden realisation dawned on Simon, and his eyes grew wide. Now, Matt knew who he was, he had seen Simon’s face, the one thing that Simon was determined to keep hidden. Without realising it, Matt had thrown away his chance of getting out of this cell alive.

Before, Simon intended to kill him out of jealousy, for the way he spoke about you, for the way he treated you... but now, killing him was a necessity, and Simon only stepped away from the cell bars when Matt’s body went limp in his hands.

#PO2 #simon ghost riley #writing #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x y/n #ghost x reader #ghost x you #cod #call of duty #ghost #cod ghost #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #cod x reader #novella

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karahalloway · 7 days

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(Less Than) Noble Intentions: Chapter 20 - Steal Me Away

Fandom: TRR

Pairing: Drake Walker x F!OC (Harper Gale)

Series Summary: The social season may be over, but Harper Gale’s problems are just beginning. With everyone at court a potential suspect, can she and Drake survive the engagement tour and get to the bottom of the plot against her and clear her name? An AU take of TRR2 featuring my OTP - Harper & Drake.

Masterlist: (Less Than) Noble Intentions

Chapter Summary: Drake is back... but that doesn't mean that it's a happy reunion...

Word Count: 4,300

Rating/Warnings: M (shouting, guilt-tripping, dangerous driving, swearing in multiple languages, one over-heated kiss)

Chapter theme song:

Chapter 20 - Steal Me Away

I whirl around in disbelief. "Drake...!"

He's stood before me with two days' worth of stubble, regarding me with a long-suffering look.

But it really is him.

And I feel my heart swell, even though I can tell that he's not exactly best pleased to find me in a random antique shop in the middle of Rome.

The muscle in his jaw twitches. "I turn my back for one goddamn minute and—"

"What are you doing here?" I blurt.

"I can ask the same of you, Gale..." he counters, folding his arms over his chest. "Because this sure as shit ain't no bridal boutique."

My chin lifts on its own accord. "I decided to make a detour."

"Jesus fucking—" He rakes his hand through his hair. "Did you leave your brain in a ditch somewhere in the process?"

My eyes widen. "Wha—! No! I—"

"The city is crawling with paps!" he almost shouts, jabbing a finger towards the door. "Who are looking for any excuse to make a meal out of you! Did you not think for one second that—?"

"What?" I counter heatedly, stepping up to him. "That I should cower and hide instead, like I'm to blame for it all? I told you — I refuse to let these people—"

"Well, it would've been a damn sight better than making me chase you across half the fucking city!"

"Why were you even chasing after me?" I demand, my own ire flaring. "You're supposed to be in Dubai!"

"Been there, done that, got the jet lag to prove it," he hits back sarcastically. "But just because I'm gone doesn't mean you suddenly have carte blanche to fuck off on your own."

"Says the person who walked off without so much as a 'see you later'..."

His mouth hardens. "I didn't want to—"

"Also, I'm not on my own," I continue testily. "Allard and Schweitzer—"

"—are fucking fired," he cuts in, suddenly darkened mocha eyes flashing. "They should never have—"

"Ch'è qualche problema?"

"No!" Drake and I snap in unison.

The old man falls mute before muttering something disparaging under his breath.

I continue staring at Drake, heart thumping and chest heaving in the wake of our dust-up.

He glares back unblinkingly, jaw clenched as the tension rolls off him in palatable waves.

I reach up to adjust the strap of my tote indignantly. "So much for trusting each other, huh, Walker?"

"Dammit, Gale," he growls. "That's not what—"

Grabbing the wrapped box off the counter, I stomp past him without a backwards glance. "See you back at the embassy."

He has some nerve, showing up out of the blue t—

I barely make it two steps before he's grabbed me by the arm.

I open my mouth to retort...

...but I'm not given a chance to get a word in edgeways, because in the next instant, he's slammed me against his chest, laying claim to my mouth with a ferocity that's on the verge of being savage.

The fight whooshes out of me as my arms fly up to wrap themselves 'round his neck, even as I feel his fingers dig against the soft cotton of my dress, pulling me to him like a long-lost ship to anchor.

"Christ, girl," he growls against my lips. "You send me off the edge of reason..."

"I'm... sorry..." I gasp, clinging to him helplessly as he trails down the line of my jaw. "I didn't mean to—"

"Ah... l'amore... non è bello se non è litigarello."

Drake starts as he gets clapped roundly on the back.

Peeking up, I see the shopkeeper smirking at us conspiratorially while ambling past.

"Err... Sì," coughs Drake, pulling back from me. "Sto certamente imparando che a mio spese..."

The man laughs in response. "Non capita a tutti?"

"You speak Italian?" I gawp, feeling a flush creep up my cheeks as the old man throws us a wink over his shoulder.

"Uh... Yeah..." Drake mutters, running his hand over the back of his head somewhat sheepishly. "With Bast."

"Oh." I glance between him and the old man. "What did he say?"

"An old proverb," Drake says, looking just as embarrassed as I am feeling about the fact that we'd inadvertently let our dirty laundry rip in the company of a complete stranger. "Love is not beautiful if it does not quarrel."

My cheeks redden further. "I-I see..."

"It's kind of a compliment..." he admits, shooting a sidelong glance over at the man, who's now busy dusting some shelves. "But we should probably get out of his hair."

"Definitely...!" I chirp, diving towards the saving grace of the exit.

"Err... La saluto," offers Drake on his way out. "E scusi il disturbo..."

"Eh!" comes the scoffed response. "Chi non risica non rosica. Ma è meglio stare attenti con lei! Donna buona – vale una corona."

"Lo so..."

"Everything alright?" I ask as Drake joins me on the baking pavement.

"Yeah," he assures me, not quite meeting my eye. "Just giving his two cents..."

Something flashes across his face, too fast for me to read.

But before I can ask him about it, he's already marching me across the square.

"What about Allard and Schweitzer?" I protest, trying to squint behind me as Drake navigates us 'round the incessant stream of sightseers. "Are they—?"

"I sent them back to the embassy," Drake replies, yanking me back as a pair of kids dart out in front of me.

"You didn't actually fire them, did you?" I gasp.

"Sure as hell thinking about it," he mutters, moving us forward again.

"If it's any consolation, they did try to talk me out of coming out here..."

"Clearly not hard enough."

"I can be very persuasive when I want to be," I remind him.

He lets out a low breath. "Don't I fuckin' know it..."

"Look," I say, coming to a stop and turning to face him. "I get you're pissed—"

"That's putting it mildly."

"—but don't take it out on Allard and Schweitzer," I tell him flatly. "They didn't do anything wrong... and I actually get along with them."

He holds my gaze for a long time before answering. "They're not your friends, Gale."

"Maybe not in any conventional sense," I admit. "But getting me a security detail had been your idea, Walker. And I know I was against it initially, but Allard and Schweitzer have been able to be there for me when you haven't."

His mouth hardens.

"And I know that grates you," I continue quickly, before he can cut me off again. "But we knew from the start that this was going to be the case, so if you do need to leave, then I'd prefer to be left with people I can trust. And I trust Allard and Schweitzer — with my life. Which is actually saying a lot."

He holds my gaze for what feels like a full minute before answering. "I'll think about it."

"That's it?" I demand in disbelief as he grabs my wrist to pull me after him again. "After all that, you're just going t—?"

"I said I'll think about it."

I glare at his back. "You're a dick."

He rounds on me like a wolf. "I'm a fuckin' realist. And the reality is that Allard and Schweitzer messed up. Big time. And I don't care how much you like them, or how many times you've braided each other's hair—"

My eyes narrow. "That's not—"

"—because none of that fucking matters out here! What matters — the only goddamn thing that matters — is keeping you safe. From the paps, from the aristos, even from your ownfucking self, if you're about to do something stupid. And at that, they've unquestionably failed. So, no. I'm not about to cut them a break. Especially not on your say-so. Because the stakes are too fucking real, and I'm not gonna let anyone play dice with your life. Least of all the people whose one job is to look out for you. Got it?"

I force myself to blink back the sudden tears in my eyes. "Yeah..."

"Good," he grunts. "Now get on."

Glancing past Drake, I spot what is very literally the last thing I'd expect to see him with.

I scoff up at him. "In your dreams, bud."

"Gale," he warns, reaching for one of the helmets that's hanging from the black and white moped's frame. "I'm not in the fucking m—"

"Well, neither am I," I hit back tersely. "So, you can take that deathtrap of a Vespa and shove it."

"First off," he counters, tossing the helmet at me. "It's a Piaggio. Second, the only reason I had to resort to this is because you decided to bail."

I catch the helmet irately. "So, you're saying that this is my fault?"

"Damn right, it is," he confirms, extracting a second helmet from the storage compartment nestled beneath the seat. "It's got all of 50cc so it's underpowered as fuck."

"Then why the heck did you get it!"

"Because it's the fastest way to get around the city."

I snort at him. "You mean, it's the fastest way to get into an accident..."

He prays for deliverance under his breath. "Gale, for the love of Christ, will you just—?"

"No," I declare, folding my arms. "The last time you conned me onto the back of your motorbike, I literally thought I was going to die. And after seeing how everyone in Rome drives, I have no interest in—"

"You drive, then."

Drake's unexpected offer pulls me up short. "Wait. What?"

He pulls a set of keys from his pocket. "It's a one-time offer, Gale. Either you take the wheel, or I do. But you've gettin' your ass on this sorry excuse of a bike, one way or another."

"I..." I swallow thickly. "I don't know how..."

"I'll walk you through it," he assures me. "There ain't much to it."

"Somehow I doubt that..."

"Clock's tickin', girl..."

I heave a breath before shoving my head into my helmet. "Okay, fine. I'll do it."

"Figured you would," he murmurs, holding the keys up. "You know where these go?"

"Up your ass," I retort, snatching the keychain from his hands.

The corner of his mouth twitches — whether in amusement or annoyance, I can't tell.

Not that I really care. I can be a jerk, too. But, I figure that at least with me driving, we won't rack up any speeding tickets or near misses on our way back to the Cordonian embassy, which is where we are staying for the two nights that we are in Rome for.

Walking up to the moped — admittedly with more swagger than I'm actually feeling at this moment — I grab the handlebars and swing my leg over the middle of the frame.

After a quick inspection, I locate the ignition switch and slot the key in.

But before I have a chance to try and turn the engine on, Drake's hand appears in my line of sight.

Reaching between my legs, he opens a hidden compartment in the frame. "For your bag."

"Oh," I say in genuine surprise, taking my bag off so I can tuck it away. "That is actually kind of neat."

"Last thing we need is for you to lose your stuff..." he drawls, shutting the glove box back up.

As he straightens again, his arm brushes the bare skin of my knee. And despite (or maybe because of) the unresolved tension shimmering between us in the wake of our heated reunion, I can't help but feel a familiar zap of electricity course through my nerves at the inadvertent contact.

"No kidding..." I concede, somewhat hoarsely. Clearing my throat, I add, "So... umm, what's next?"

"Grab the break and turn the key over as far as it'll go."

"So, kind of like a car," I surmise, following the instructions. "Why isn't it starting?"

"Because you only turned the electronics on," Drake advises. "To kick the engine off, you need to disengage the kick stand, and then press the start button."

"Jesus Christ, this is complicated..." I grumble as I scoot off the seat so I can try to figure out how to do what he just said.

"No more complicated than sailing a yacht," Drake counters, watching my antics from the safety of the pavement. "Just give it a shove ."

"How will that—?"

"It's got a rear-mounted kickstand," he says. "You disengage it by rolling the bike forward."

"Right," I grumble, feeling like a total idiot. "Because that's so obvious."

Maybe I should've let Drake drive, after all...

"You still holding the break?"

I snap my head up as I give the handlebars a hard push. "Huh?"

A squeal erupts from my mouth as the moped suddenly lurches forward beneath me, and I have a moment of sheer panic as I wrestle with the hunk of metal to keep from crashing to the ground.

"I told you to hold the break..."

"You could've been more specific!"

He lets out a low breath. "You good?"

"Yeah," I huff, finally managing to find some semblance of balance with an uncooperative moped stuck between my legs.

"Turn her on, then."

I scan the buttons in front of me. "Err..."

"The one by your right thumb."

Shifting my grip, I extend my thumb out to press the button...

"You still holdin' the break?" Drake asks.

I quickly tighten my hold on the left-side break. "Yes."

Drake eyes me unconvincedly. "Just checking..."

I stick my tongue out at him.

"Hey," he objects. "You're the one who wanted to do this, Gale."

"Yeah, everything is my fault today..." I grumble as I press the start button.

The moped sparks to life beneath me, and I feel a massive rush of achievement.

"I did it!" I cry, meeting Drake's eye with an unadulterated grin.

He quirks a brow at me. "Y'know you're still stationary, right?"

"Shut up."

Drake steps up to the bike with a shake of his head and flips out the passenger foot rest. "Last chance to bow out gracefully, Gale."

I glance over my shoulder at him. "If you're trying to pull some kind of reverse psychology on me, Walker—"

"Wouldn't dream of it..." he assures me dryly, mounting up as well. "But my word is gospel, y'hear?"

"Aye-aye, Cap'n," I say sardonically... while trying to ignore the heat of his body and the instinctive urge to lean back into it as he settles down on the narrow seat behind me.

Because as much as I missed him, and as glad as I am that he's back, our volatile reunion has served as a stark reminder that we never finished our conversation back in Applewood. Not only that, but thanks to the almost break-neck speed at which things have been happening, the list of topics for discussion has only grown since then.

And the last thing I want is for us to fall down the same toxic hole that we did in the wake of Christian's surprise reveal in Valtoria.

I just have to hope that we'll be able to squeeze in some much-needed couple time before even more things pile up between us.

Not to mention, I'm desperate to know what had happened with Tariq in Dubai... and whether Drake's record-fast turnaround was a sign of some much-needed success, or even more demoralising failure.

But, first things first: getting back to the embassy in one piece, without the paps chasing us.

I feel Drake roll his eyes at me. "Wrong salutation, but never mind... Now. We're gonna do this slowly and gently. There's a lot of people around, and we don't need you on the front page of the Sun again because you accidentally torpedoed a toddler."

My throat constricts. "Y-You saw that?"

"You'd be hard pressed to find someone who hasn't," he mutters. "But right now, your focus needs to be on driving this thing. So, eyes up front and ignore everything else."

I swallow down my nerves. "Okay..."

"Your right hand controls the throttle. Your left hand controls the break," Drake instructs. "For the love of God, don't mix that up, or I'll be on the phone to your patents explaining why you suddenly need skin grafts."

I wince involuntarily at the gruesomeness of that particular image. "Got it."

"It's a mistake you'll only make once," he warns grimly. "To get going, twist down on the throttle while slowly easing up on the break. Don't jerk it, or you'll face plant into the speedometer."

"Anything else?" I ask, somewhat nervously.

As anticipated, driving a motorbike is a lot more nuanced than Drake made it look back in Cordonia. And I'm having some serious second thoughts about this whole thing...

"Keep your feet off the foot-stand until you've got enough momentum to stay upright."

"How will I know that?"

"You'll feel it," he assures me. "Like on a bike."

I bite my bottom lip.

"Hey," he says, brushing his fingers across my hip. "You got this, girl."

The familiarity of Drake's touch — even though it's fleeting — unwinds something in me. Because it's an unspoken reminder that no matter what may be going on around us... or between us, it's not going to come in the way of the promise that he made me.

I suck in a steadying breath. "Okay. Here goes."

Readjusting my grip on the handlebars, I twist my wrist down. Feeling the engine start to rumble with increased vigour, I gentle ease up on the break.

The Piaggio begins to creep forward.

"Watch the road, not the instruments," Drake cautions from behind me.

Lifting my eyes up, I carefully navigate us 'round the oncoming pedestrians, keeping my feet suspended alongside the moped, in case I need to make an emergency stop.

But, as we move away from the iconic landmark, the crowd starts to thin out, and the street widens. Passing a fruit and vegetable stand, I let go of the break fully, the bike pulls forward eagerly. Feeling slightly more confident, I add a bit more gas so I can finally lift my feet up without capsizing our delicate operation.

"Not bad," Drake approves. "You just gotta relax a bit."

I flush inadvertently. "I am relaxed."

"Your shoulders say different. You're driving like Quasimodo."

"Oh." I make a concerted effort to straighten my posture. "Better?"

"Yeah. But now you need to drop your elbows."

"So much for this being easy..."

"It is," he insists. "Once you get the hang of it."

"You and your technicalities, Walker..." I grumble.

"Everything's got a learning curve," he reminds me. "But we just might make a Hell's Angel out of you yet."

I snort back at him. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Evil Knievel. We haven't made it back to the embassy yet."

"Then you might wanna knuckle down for this next part."

"Why? What's—?"

I get my answer as we round a corner and come parallel to a busier-looking road.

Great...

"Right here, then first left," Drake advises as we approach a somewhat complicated-looking three-way intersection.

"Umm... Okay..." I mumble, eyeing up the noticeably faster-moving traffic on the main road with more than a bit of trepidation.

"No one's gonna give you room, so you'll have to gun it," comes the no-nonsense tip from behind me. "The indicator is by your left thumb."

A Fiat whizzes past, but the next car is some distance away. Taking a breath, I flick the indicator on and twist down on the throttle to merge into the gap.

"Move over one more," Drake shouts over my shoulder. "You're taking up the bus lane."

"Where the heck does it say that?" I demand, casting my head around in confusion.

"On the sign we just passed..."

"Was it invisible?"

"Hey," counters Drake. "You wanna argue with me, or a cop?"

"Neither," I concede sourly, making the switch to the left-side lane after a quick check in the mirror. "But they could've made it more obvious..."

Drake scoffs. "It's Rome. The bastards are trying to catch you out."

"Clearly," I agree, taking a left at the traffic lights...

...straight into a two-way fork in the road.

"Umm... What now?" I squeak, trying to hedge my bets as much as I can in the rapidly shrinking room that I have to make a decision before I run into the curb.

"Stay left."

I start to turn the bike, only to yank it back violently with a yelp as a car that I hadn't realised was trying to overtake me blows past with a scream of its horn.

"Vaffanculo!" yells Drake, throwing his hand out angrily at the other driver.

"Ohmygod..." I rasp, my entire body shaking in the wake of the near miss.

"Fuckin' asshole," gripes Drake. "You okay?"

I swallow thickly past the lump in my throat. "I... think so."

"If you need to pull over..."

I shake my head. "No. I'm fine. I just..."

"...get a kick outta playing chicken?"

"I don't do it on purpose!"

"You sure?" he asks dryly. "'Cause you definitely seem to be making a habit of it..."

I open my mouth, but quickly think better of it... as Drake has a point. I have had a few too many near misses lately. "Sorry... It isn't intentional. I thought that since I'd left the indicator on, that—"

"I know," he assures me, laying a hand on my hip again. "I'm not blaming you. But all the calls you've had had been too close. And..." His fingers tighten against the material of my dress. "I just don't want you to—"

"I know," I concede softly. "I don't want that either. And I'm not normally this accident-prone, I promise..."

"Except when your blood sugar's low," he corrects wryly.

His words cause me to clench my eyes together in consternation. "Damn it, the croissants..."

In the whirlwind of Drake's surprise reappearance, I'd forgotten all about the primary reason for sneaking away from the bridal boutique.

"What croissants?" queries Drake.

"The pistachio ones I was supposed to get from this little bakery next to the fountain that the Italian President had recommended."

I feel Drake's disbelieving gaze knife into the back of my head. "Seriously? That's the reason you were out playing hooky?"

"One of them, yes..." I reply evasively.

"Putain de merde..."

"Apparently they're very good..."

Drake mutters something under his breath. "Pull over."

My eyes widen. "What? Why?"

"Because it's past noon, and you're clearly starving."

"I'm fine," I insist, even though the only thing of substance I've had since this morning was the cup of coffee on Olivia's jet. "I'll just grab something when—"

The Piaggio lurches to a stop as Drake slaps a hand on the break. "No. You won't."

My eyes widen as my feet fly out on instinct to steady the suddenly stationary moped. "Why not?"

"Because the staff at the embassy already have their work cut out pulling together tonight's dinner, so the kitchen is off-limits," he explains, hopping off the back. "And you won't be able to take two steps outside to grab a sandwich without picking up a pap tail."

"Then why have we stopped in a dead-end alley?" I ask in disbelief as Drake pulls the moped it onto its kickstand while I'm still sat gaping at him from the seat.

"Because we just passed one of the best restaurants in Rome," he states. "So, I'm buying you lunch."

His cinnamon-laced eyes meet mine, and I see a sudden flash of rawness in his gaze... a silent plea entreating me to say yes. Which means this is about more than just food.

"Okay," I accede, wondering what could've prompted such a sudden change of heart. "But what about the paps? Aren't you worried we'll get spotted?"

"See any people?" asks Drake, reaching across my lap to turn the ignition off.

"No, but—"

"Exactly," he affirms, pocketing the keys. "This is one of the few places in the city where you ain't gonna bump into a reporter."

"How do you know?"

"Because apart from the fact that Sugo actually makes its own pasta, it is also a stone's throw from Parliament," he explains, offering me a hand to help me off the bike. "Which means that pencil pushers from every level of government come here to ink deals over carbonara, so no one — staff included — is gonna mess with the status quo."

"Sounds like something out of a mafia movie..."

"Where d'you think Hollywood gets its ideas from?" he drawls, pulling his helmet off to stow it in the under-seat compartment. "Places like this. Which is why no one will bother us here. Especially not the paps. It'd be a death sentence for this joint if their tight and discreet ship suddenly sprung a leak."

"Good to know," I acknowledge, unclipping the clasp of my own helmet. "But how did you even find out about this place? Let alone got in?"

"Leo," Drake replies, taking my helmet to clip it onto the handlebar. "He's on a first name basis with the chef."

I quirk a brow at him. "Sounds like there's a story there..."

Drake extricates my bag from the glove box with scoffs. "It's Leo. There's never not a story. But let's get you inside first. Before you pass out on the pavement."

"I'm not going to—" My stomach rumbles in pointed disagreement. "Okay, I am hungry. But where exactly is this place? There's nothing here apart from the back-ends of buildings..."

"Have I ever let you down when it comes to food?" he asks with a raised brow.

"No..."

"Then trust me."

The story continues in Chapter 21 - Coming Soon!

A/N: Translations for the Italian below:

Ch'è qualche problema? - Is there a problem?

Ah... l'amore... non è bello se non è litigarello. - Ah, love... It is not beautiful if it does not quarrel.

Err... Sì. Sto certamente imparando che a mio spese... - Err... Yes. I am definitely learning that the hard way.

Non capita a tutti? - Don't we all?

Err... La saluto. E scusi il disturbo... - Err... Farewell. And apologies for disturbing you.

Eh! Chi non risica non rosica. Ma è meglio stare attenti con lei! Donna buona – vale una corona. - Eh! No risk, no reward! But you better take care of her! Good woman – worth a crown.

Lo so... - I know...

Vaffanculo! - Fuck you!

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(Less Than) Noble Intentions only (let me know if you want to be added!)

@thetruthisthatiloveyou @anakjaybon-blog

#harper gale #drake walker #less than noble intentions #the royal romance #drake x mc #trr fanfic #Spotify

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azurecrystalz · 1 year

Text

[Translation] The "Runrun" Calamity

From HiMERU's "Ever Changing" 4*! Written by: Umeda Chitose (Happyele Inc.) Featuring: HiMERU, Rinne, Wataru, Kaoru, and Mitsuru! Season: Autumn

Brief Synopsis: After Rinne calls HiMERU a silly little nickname as usual, HiMERU is baffled when more people use the nickname on him and others.

Rinne: ...Now then. I need to go hit up a new game soon~

HiMERU: Wait just a second, Amagi. This conversation isn't over yet.

Rinne: Just ask me when I get back. Listen, I can't afford to let today's winning luck slip me by. Sooo, I'll catch ya later Himerunrun!

HiMERU: ...Good grief. Even when you do come back, the first thing you'll do is make a ruckus over what you're going to eat. Or actually, he used "Himerunrun" instead of "Merumeru", what was that? Why doesn't he just stop doing what he wants, not just with how he acts, but with what he calls others too--

Mitsuru: Jiii~*...

HiMERU: (...? Someone's gaze can be felt from the shadows...the one staring at HiMERU from just behind the hallway corner is Ra*bits's...)

HiMERU: Tenma Mitsuru. HiMERU knows you're there.

Mitsuru: Whawhat?! I'm shocked you could tell!

HiMERU: Your entire upper body was visibly peeking out. If you really wanted to observe your target in secret, you would need to hide better. ...Why don’t you tell HiMERU what you wanted from him?

Mitsuru: Sure thing! Heyhey, I thought "Himerunrun" was super cute! Because of that, could I call you "Himerunrun-senpai" too?

HiMERU: Firstly, why do you ask?

Mitsuru: Because I thought it was cute?? Also I've been wondering what would be okay for me to call you since no one else around here has a name in English~

HiMERU: Is that so. Please call HiMERU as you normally would and use "HiMERU", Tenma.

Mitsuru: Ehh~. I can't call someone older than me that! Nn...then, I'll call you "HiME-chan-senpai"! Okay?

HiMERU: HiME-chan...it's uncomfortably odd, but it's alright. Since "Runrun" is too cheerful.

Mitsuru: Really? It makes me feel like I'm skipping, and it really does make me feel cheerful so I like it! I wanna be "Mitsurunrun" too. So since HiME-chan-senpai is "Himerunun", I should be "Mitsurunrun" then, right?

HiMERU: Well, let's see. Since HiMERU's name ends in "--ru", we can guess that's the reason Amagi had given him the name. If we use that logic on you, Tenma, then it wouldn't be wrong to use "Mitsurunrun".

Mitsuru: Kyakya~! I got the "green light"! I'm gonna spend the whole entire day as "Mitsurunrun"! Instead of dashing home today, I think I'm gonna skip! Thanks, HiME-chan-senpai!

HiMERU: (...He sure did leave with a skip in his step. Besides that, how is he possibly going to spend his time as "Mitsurunrun"...?)

The next day

Wataru: Oya? That man walking ahead of me is...

Wataru: A quick step, skip, and jump onto your back! Hello~! Here's your very own Hibiki Wataru~...newly renamed "Watarunrun"~!

HiMERU: --?!

Wataru: Ufufu, did I startle you? When I jumped, I overshot my momentum and went a little too far, didn't I?

HiMERU:...Hibiki-senpai, hello there. Did you need something from HiMERU?

Wataru: Nooo? For today, I'm not "Hibiki-senpai", but "Watarunrun"~

HiMERU: Pardon?

Wataru: Yesterday, I was able to run into Tenma-kun skipping happily down the hallway, but yesterday he was not Tenma-kun.

HiMERU: He was "Mitsurunrun"...?

Wataru: Correct~! You're a genius, "Himerunrun"-san~. And so, as someone whose name also ends with "--ru", I followed his lead and became "Watarunrun"!

HiMERU: (That kind of logic isn't wrong.)

Wataru: And because I became "Watarunrun", Subaru-kun also became "Subarunrun"~. We had a really fun time in our dorm room last night. I tried calling Butler-san "Yuzurunrun" to initiate him into our group, but he refused with a beaming smile yknow?

HiMERU: (Of course he would, who would want to involve themselves in something like this.)

Wataru: How are you feeling, "Himerunrun"-san? Does your heart flutter whenever you're called "Himerunrun"?

HiMERU: Um, no. HiMERU's chest doesn't flutter, and HiMERU's name is "HiMERU", so please continue to use that. HiMERU is nothing but "HiMERU", so there will be trouble if other names are used.

Wataru: Fumu, is that so? From an actor's perspective, it's a great pleasure to treasure the relationships formed with each role~

HiMERU: (Nothing about it seems pleasurable, but HiMERU will leave it at that. Remaining in Seisou Hall will only make it more likely to run into more people. It would be better to go somewhere to relax...)

HiMERU + Kaoru: .........

HiMERU: (Even if this was just some sort of coincidence, this outcome of people is way too ridiculous. HiMERU has the feeling the other person is trying to escape too.)

Kaoru: Ahaha...sorry for getting all defensive, Hi-"Himerunrun"-kun. I was just thinking how hard it must be for you, so I didn't know how to come up with a greeting.

HiMERU: Hakaze-senpai, even you know about that name floating around.

Kaoru: Well, last night they turned me into "Kaorunrun". I had to be a part of it or else I'd look like the loner that can't read the room, right?

HiMERU: That's not any of HiMERU's fault, but apologies for getting caught up in it anyway. HiMERU will get to the bottom of this and also talk to the person that started it...

Kaoru: ?

Rinne: Oh, it's Merumeru! Are you here for lunch? Isn't it late for that? Well, I'm having lunch right now too. Whatcha eating Merumeru, hayashi rice**? If it's good, then I'll order it too. Gimme a bite~

HiMERU: Don't try to take a bite without asking. Anyway, you used "Merumeru" today. HiMERU thought Amagi only used it once and that was it.

Rinne: Nn? Merumeru has always been Merumeru, hasn't he? That is to say, since you paid so much attention to it that means Merumeru has approved of the name "Merumeru", right~? Y'know, you've been reeeaaal quiet about it these past few days. I'd say you like it~.

HiMERU: This is only because it's a choice out of a very few amount of options. So don't get carried away with it. HiMERU is HiMERU. In the future please refrain from adding any additional ridiculous names.

Rinne: You say that, but I was actually thinking that it's time for a new name. Just to shake things up?

HiMERU: That's not it! ...Anyway, to avoid any and all unnecessary trouble, Merumeru is fine. Just Merumeru. Seriously, why is it that you try to take amusement in HiMERU? It'd be better not treating it like a joke.

(*): The japanese onomatopoeia for "staaaare", when a character is staring intently at another, like they have something to say.

(**): This is a dish where there's rice with a sauce containing beef and a few vegetables are poured on top.

TL Note: I'm sorry if the HiMERU dialogue sounded stiff :’) This was my first time trying my hand at tling a HiMERU centered story it was hard for tense/perspective understanding but overall good practice :3

#enstars #enstars translation #himeru #rinne amagi #kaoru hakaze #mitsuru tenma #wataru hibiki #aurora tls

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charmingsoa · 1 year

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■ Gunslinger ■ Ch. 5

✶ Jax Teller/OC multi-chapter story ✶

🀰 Taglist available🀰

(TW: Mentions of rape, physical abuse)

@cindsvibes @sweet--catrastrophe @stephv213 @itspdameronthings @neverland14353 @sweetdispositionsss @fandom-oneshots-etc

My eyes shot up once I felt the weight fall onto my body – his gloved hand slapping onto my mouth in order to keep me silent. The shadow from the streetlight giving the room enough glow to see the man’s features. I tried to scream, hit, and kick – only making the man more furious. With each blow that came from his fist, my willpower shrank more and more. I could feel his hand run down my body, pulling at my flannel shorts and underwear. His voice was that of a young man – somewhere in his early 20s – sending shivers down my spine as he spoke. His lips forcing themselves onto my body as I laid there, tears pouring from my eyes. The last time this happened was the night I left Alabama. I told myself that I would never let someone put me through a situation like this. Yet, I was powerless. His assailant stood off to the side, a gun pointed to my head as his partner raped me. I recognized the gun toting man right away – he was there the night Georgie stopped me in the parking lot.

“Carter – sweetheart – you need to tell us who did this to you.”

I watched as Jax paced the wooden floor behind Wayne – his ringed fingers threading through his hair. Unser arrived about 30 minutes before Jax – his eyes widening once he saw me on Tig’s couch. “I don’t know.” I muttered.

Unser let out a sigh, “Anything, darling. Can you tell me anything – maybe what they were wearing, if they had any ink that you could recognize, anything at all?” Tears fell as I shook my head.

What was the use of saying anything. The worst thing that could happen is that they would be arrested and then bailed out within hours due to lack of evidence. I already refused to go to the hospital. I wasn’t going to have the staff at St. Thomas look at me with pity and then even question if I’m telling the truth. I fucked people on film for a living – the damage inside of me had been done a long time of ago. Plus, I sat in the shower for over an hour before attempting to drive to Tig’s. As soon as I knew they were gone – I locked myself in the bathroom – tearing my clothes off and stepping under the scalding water. I’d already been through the whole rape kit exam – I didn’t want to go through the process again. I was supposed to be strong – I made myself out to be this strong woman, a bitch at times. I did this so people wouldn’t mess with me or my child.

I watched as Unser spoke with Jax, their eyes glancing towards me at times. I felt like a lion in a cage. Everyone kept looking at me, asking if I was okay. I would say that I was fine – breaking down seconds later. I knew they all meant well but I wasn’t fine. I was putting on a front that kept falling after every response. Georgie Caruso had broken me…

I spent the night and the next couple days at Tig’s house – too afraid to go back to my own. Jax kept asking me, almost forcing me at one point to stay with him but everyone knew where Jax lived. Georgie could have his men posted outside of Jax’s house, thinking that would be the place I felt most safe. I hadn’t seen Madison since earlier that day – my heart breaking each time she asked when I was picking her up. I couldn’t have her see me looking the way I did. No kid deserves to see their mom with their face busted and bruised. Jax had filled Gemma and Clay in on what happened – Gemma stopping by each day after dropping Maddie off at pre-school. I had become a hermit at this point – I showered 3-4 times a day, scrubbing my skin until it was raw. I could still feel his hands and lips on my skin – the contents of my stomach coming up each time I thought about it. I wasn’t eating. Each noise scared me. Luann was blowing up my phone but I couldn’t have her seeing me this way either. Georgie not only broke my soul but he took away my livelihood. Sure, I had sex with people on screen for a living, but I couldn’t stand someone touching me now.

“Baby, you have to eat.” Gemma pushed the bowel closer to the edge of the table.

I sat curled into Tig’s couch, only moving when I needed to use the bathroom. Gemma had shown up, receiving a call from Tig asking her to make sure I was okay so he could help Jax with some things. Jax had remained distant. My built-up anger going head-to-head with his rage a couple nights ago. He had shown up before Tig was back, trying to get me to tell him anything. I shied away at first but I became angrier the more he pressed. Minutes later we were at each other’s throats, words that we surely didn’t mean being thrown at one another. Even though he was the club’s VP, Tig basically threw him out of the house. I could hear Jax’s anger through the windows as he vented.

“I’m not hungry, Gemma.”

She sat there for a moment before hastily taking the bowel away, her heels clicking against the wood. I flinched at the sound of the ceramic cracking in the sink – Gemma letting out an exhausted sigh. She took a moment to collect herself before walking back towards the couch, sitting on the edge of the cushion. “Carter-“Her voice calm. “Darlin, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” I glanced at her. “You went through something that a woman should never have to go through. You have every right to be frustrated, angry, and sad. I know you and I don’t see eye-to-eye on most things, but I love and care about you, sweetheart. You remind me so much of myself but you have something that I could never have.” She slowly grabbed my head, her thumb streaking the dry skin. “You have the courage and strength to get through this. You have a gift from God – that little girl is gonna give you the strength you need. She needs her mother and we both know you need her.” I wiped away the tears that fell. “You can bounce back from this – you can show those fucking bastards that you aren’t afraid. I know it’ll be hard but you have me. You have the club and Luann. Carter, you have Jackson. Let him help you too…”

I found the courage to leave Tig’s house a few days later. My heart pounded as I got closer to my house – flashbacks of the awful night searing through my brain. I needed this though. I needed to get back to who I was before. My daughter deserved to finally be home. Gemma and Tig helped me with my bags, Tig making sure to go through the house before I entered. The house was still intact – myself being the only thing damaged. I slowly made my way into my bedroom, the clothing from that night thrown on the bedroom floor. Spots of blood shown on the carpet – left over as I hurried to the bathroom.

“You okay, darlin?” I jumped at the sound of Gemma’s voice. “Shit, I’m sorry.” I brushed it off as I stepped further into the room. The pictures of Maddie that I had sitting on the night stand were thrown on the floor – the glass busted from the beautiful frames. The bedspread and sheets were hanging off the bed, blood stained and ruined. My breathing sped up as the thoughts returned. The flashbacks telling my brain a story – the sounds of their grunts as they forced their bodies onto mine. The way they tried to sweet talk me only to turn around and say things that no woman should be told. The way they laughed as I laid there – helpless and destroyed.

“Mother fucker!” I pulled at the sheets, yanking them off the bed in a fit of rage. The lamp that sat on the nightstand was the next victim – the tiffany glass shattering as it collided with the wall. Tig’s boots stomped up the stairs as he looked on with Gemma. I took a seat on the bed, my head pooling into my hands as I cried. Maybe it was too early to be back. Maybe I needed an extra day or week before coming back here. I wouldn’t be able to look at this room – this house – the same way again. “Maybe you guys should leave.” I looked at the two. “It’s about time to pick up Maddie anyway.”

“I’m not leaving you hear alone, Carter.” Tig’s voice holding strong.

“Anita can pick her up.” Gemma spoke next. “We can’t leave you like this Carter.”

I wiped my face, a chuckle slipping past my lips. “I’ll be fine.” My eyes locking with theirs. “I’m just gonna clean up a little and make sure everything is set for when Maddie comes home.” They looked at me confused. “I’ll be okay – you guys have babysat me enough and you need to get on with your lives.”

It took them 20 minutes to finally leave – both having me assure them that I was okay before they left. I waved them goodbye before the smile I held dropped, closing the door behind me. I walked back to my room, pulling the suitcase from the closet. I took my time pulling the clothes off the hangers, emptying the drawers, folding everything as neat as possible. I made sure to grab all the important documents from the top dresser drawer before moving into Madison’s room. Her clothes joined mine, grabbing the toys she loved the most before I started loading everything into my car. I bought the house when Jax and I separated – a house for just Madison and myself. It was the cutest little house – right out of a magazine. I didn’t have to worry about neighbors or the traffic from the main road. My daughter was able to safety play in the front yard – even spending the night under the stars during the summer if the weather allowed. This home was to keep her safe but it no longer felt that way.

I gave the house a once over before reaching into my pocket – feeling the small matchstick between my fingers. I walked over to the sink, the crumpled papers staring back at me. Taking a deep breath - the stick was lit – the orange flames slowly rising.

#jax teller imagine #Jax Teller #jax teller fanfiction #Jackson Teller #Charlie Hunnam #charlie hunnam imagine #charlie hunnam fanfiction #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy fanfiction #sons of anarchy imagine #soa

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introverted-author · 8 months

Text

Gold Rush

Five times JJ didn't realise that Emily was in love with her and one time she did. | Written for @prentiss-theorem bingo. Fulfills the prompt '5+1'

word count: 3860

tw: unrequited love, mention of being shot, mentions of brands + being staked, non-descriptive very mild smut, mentions of torture + hospital, IVs and burns

One.

But I don't like a gold rush

Emily felt numb. Sitting there in the jet, she stared intently out the window, practically willing the unshed tears to come. They refused. Instead they remained on the inside, flooding her heart with emotions too big and too heavy to ever possibly name. All she could see was that child’s face: Carrie. All the pain that she had endured. Emily saw the future together that she had envisioned when she first locked eyes with the orphan in the hospital. But now every last moment had been snatched away and given to someone else to share.

Emily was startled out of her thoughts by movement in the corner of her eye. She tensed, apprehension twisting in her stomach, a spark that ignited a flame of worry - she didn’t want to talk now. Not to anyone. Not about this. She couldn’t-

Ocean-blue eyes doused the flames almost as quickly as they had arisen. The silent watcher was none other than Jennifer Jareau. Her hair was golden; the gold that so many rushed after. And to talk to this golden goddess… maybe Emily could do that.

“You okay?” asked JJ, her words liquid honey.

Emily searched for an answer, scrambling for something to say to the thought-halting woman in front of her. She eventually got out, “Yeah.”

Yeah. Was it a lie? Probably. Concern flickered across JJ’s face before she quickly erased it, returning her features to their natural state. Emily knew then that her facade could not fool JJ. The two held eye contact, each daring the other to speak first. Emily knew that if she opened her mouth, all that would come out was tears. And Emily didn’t cry in front of people, let alone in front of Jennifer Jareau.

“They’re good people. Carrie’s new family.”

Emily pushed the tears down and forced a fake smile. “Good. I’m glad.”

JJ smiled sadly, clearly more attuned to her friend’s feelings than Emily had thought. Emily hated it. She loved it. She wanted to run. But she was stuck in this chair, unable to move a muscle as she sat in the attention of the goddess.

“I think it’s a good idea though,” JJ spoke again, spinning webs of opulence with each syllable.

“What’s that?”

“You. Kids.”

Emily felt a blush creeping up her neck from JJ’s words. She couldn’t help but picture it: her and JJ, sitting in the sun of the park, picnic blanket under them as they watched two small versions of themselves chase each other on the grass.

JJ spoke again, tearing Emily out of the vision. “I can see it.”

You could never see this vision though, JJ. Emily knew that JJ would never share that dream with her - just like with Carrie, JJ was fated to share those moments with the man of her dreams. JJ’s golden prize.

But Emily didn’t - couldn’t - say any of that. So she just settled for, “Yeah?”

JJ nodded as Emily’s heart fractured that tiny bit more. Because it could never be. Not like she had pictured it. Not with JJ.

Emily returned to staring out the window, but this time instead of willing tears to come, she was pleading them to stay back.

Two.

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

Garcia was dying. That was the horrible, terrible truth.

Emily had been at home when she got ‘The Call’. She had dropped her glass of wine right there on her apartment floor. Maroon liquid had splashed onto laminated wood, leaving a pattern not too unlike that of blood. The image was seared into Emily’s retinas; every time she blinked, she saw blood. Blood. Garcia was going to die and all Emily could see was blood.

Emily had arrived at the ER in a confused blur, almost running straight into Hotch’s torso as she frantically searched the waiting room for the BAU. Emily spluttered out an apology, ever grateful for Hotch’s steadying, comforting squeeze to her shoulder.

JJ was next to her side, enveloping Emily in her arms. Emily wasn’t sure if she was comforting her or herself. But she couldn’t bring herself to care, wrapped in the arms of her love like a warm blanket on a freezing night.

When JJ pulled away, Emily instantly felt a pang of guilt, like a knife through her gut. Garcia was dying. And yet JJ was at the forefront of her mind.

Stop it, Prentiss, she hissed to herself, digging nails into the flesh of her palm. The pain was grounding, punishing and perfect. The pain was the only thing stopping her from falling apart right then and there.

“What do we know?” Reid’s question pulled her out of her thoughts and slammed her back into her body and the present moment.

“Police think it was a botched robbery,” said Hotch, the frown lines in his forehead deeper than Emily had ever seen them.

Emily at that moment realised that there was someone missing from their group, the most important person in the current situation. “Where’s Morgan?”

Words of liquid gold met her ears, “He’s not answering his cell.”

Emily turned her attention to JJ, taking in every inch of the woman, every curve and imperfection. She drank in her eyes, so like sinking ships on inviting waters, desperately trying to drown the flames of worry with the tranquillity of JJ’s eyes. JJ’s here. It’s alright. JJ’s here.

Conversation continued around them but Emily didn’t register a syllable. She was too focused on keeping herself calm, keeping herself focused on JJ. JJ turned curious eyes to Emily’s and she started in surprise and guilt, tearing her eyes away. This wasn’t the time for pointless wanting.

JJ announced that she was going to go ask at the desk for an update, yet again. The others murmured in quiet agreement. As JJ walked away, Emily couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting back to golden hair glowing in the fluorescent hospital light. However, she was quick to avert her gaze as soon as JJ turned back to return to the group of anxious agents.

“They can’t give me an update,” she sighed as Emily’s stomach plummeted with dread.

Garcia was going to die, Garcia was going to die, she was going to die-

“Morgan’s phone just keeps going to voicemail,” Reid voiced.

“Where the hell is he?” Emily snapped, pinpricks of tears stinging her eyes. The entire team’s attention turned to her as Emily inwardly swore. And then JJ stepped forward, taking Emily by the shoulders and gently guiding her to a seat in the corner, away from prying eyes.

The two sat in silence. Emily silently cried, tears noiselessly trailing down her face. JJ’s eyes were distant and sad. She was trying to act strong for her friend but clearly was in a similar state of emotional upheaval. Emily turned her head to take in the goddess beside her whose wings were battered and torn; a fallen angel.

Emily reached out her hand, gently taking hold of JJ’s. JJ interlocked their fingers as Emily’s pulse sped up, electric sparks flying from their joined hands. JJ gently squeezed Emily’s hand. A golden promise. Everything would be okay.

Emily found herself opening her mouth, emitting a barely audible ‘thank you’.

“Of course. You’re my best friend Emily.”

Just like that, JJ took Emily’s rose-tinted glasses and shattered them under the heel of her boot.

Three.

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

It had been a week of heartbreak. A week of watching JJ, her JJ, with that detective, Will. Emily had felt it from the moment he had stepped into the room. JJ was so distracted, so lovestruck. And Emily was left standing there, forgotten like cold tea. That was how the week had gone. An endless blur of tears, longing, and angered whispers only loud enough for Emily alone to hear.

And now the case was over. The team was preparing to leave. Emily should have been packing up boxes of files or preparing her go bag for the flight back to Quantico. But instead she found herself standing in the shadows of the bullpen, observing her goddess as she spoke to the man from hell.

Emily couldn’t pick up on any words. All that she could hear was the gentle cadence of JJ’s voice, harshly offset by a heavy western drawl that was reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard. She felt a sharp pang in her chest as JJ laughed softly, clearly giddy as she lost herself in the eyes of William LaMontagne. Emily nearly screamed when she saw Will lean in the smallest amount before bidding JJ goodbye and scurrying away.

He couldn’t even bring himself to kiss her. JJ deserved so much better. JJ deserved her. But then Emily saw the hurt in JJ’s eyes and found herself crashing back into reality. Emily could never have JJ. But if she couldn’t have her… JJ still deserved happiness. Even as much as she hated Will, she could never deny JJ that happiness. She hated it with every fibre of her being. But nonetheless, she had to let the gold rush proceed.

Emily found herself moving as if she was in a dream. She saw herself walk across the room to the golden angel’s side. She took a breath. And another. And then she opened her mouth to speak and damned all of her secret dreams and desires to the grave.

“You should go for him.”

JJ didn’t respond for a moment, too lost in her own desires. “What?”

Pretending that her whole being wasn’t dying, Emily said, “You’d make a cute couple.”

The corners of JJ’s mouth twitched up slightly, the woman wringing her hands before taking a deep breath. “You know what…?”

As if the director had called action, life slammed back into JJ’s body and she sprinted away. JJ sprinted away from all that could have been, away from Emily. At that moment she had made her choice. And as Emily watched her golden goddess kiss the demon from hell… Emily knew that it was over.

She was barely aware of Reid’s comment, of Morgan’s teasing jeers. She barely managed to mutter an excuse before walking away perhaps a little too quickly, finding the nearest empty corner and sinking into pure despair.

Four.

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

The jet was somewhat comforting to Emily. Sure it was an Interpol jet, not the BAU jet, and sure the brand on her chest was burning as if it was fresh but… Emily sat there on the couch with JJ right beside her and for the first time since she had seen that damn flower in her apartment, maybe she finally… maybe she finally believed that everything would be alright.

Emily winced as the brand twinged again, ever desperate to remind its owner of its presence. Ever desperate to remind Emily that Doyle was still out there. Not even JJ could soothe her anxiety. And the worried aura that surrounded the golden goddess announced that JJ was feeling the exact same. But there was something else in JJ’s eyes; something that the rational part of Emily’s mind couldn’t explain.

Unable to bear the loaded silence for a second longer, Emily said, “The first thing I'm doing when we get to Paris is having this removed. How could a brand hurt more than getting staked?”

She tried to say the question playfully, lightly, as if it was simply the latest gossip shared over a cup of coffee. However, she knew as soon as her words landed that she had in no way been successful; JJ’s frown only deepened.

“Maybe it's a psychosomatic itch you're scratching?” JJ asked cautiously, taking care in how she stoked the inevitable flame of emotion. “The brand left an emotional toll, Doyle established dominance over you by marking you as his. The stake... I mean, you overcame death. The ultimate victory over your foe. Why suffer a pain you're proud of?”

But right now the pain of the brand was dwindling, overtaken by another pain. An emotional pain that Emily was in no way proud of. A longing, a childish desire. But Emily could never voice that, so instead they just lapsed into silence. One beat. Two. Three.

“Or you could just get another tattoo,” the golden one shrugged.

Emily laughed at that, shaking her head in embarrassment. No one was ever meant to know about her tattoos, let alone JJ. “No.”

“Yeah, something transformative, like a... a phoenix.”

Emily rolled her eyes, all too happy to bask in the playful banter that let her forget about Doyle. Let her forget about why she was on this plane to Paris. Let her forget about what she would be leaving behind. Or rather who.

“Or what about a blackbird?”

Emily smiled at that, imagining a small blackbird engraved on her skin. She didn’t mind it. “I love the song. But something tells me I shouldn't tread in your waters.”

JJ shifted at that, blue eyes unable to meet Emily’s dark gaze. A tiny spark of hope ignited in Emily’s chest. There was a hint of something else, something that she had never dared to hope for, yet something she had often imagined.

“Come on JJ,” she probed further. “Something's obviously different-”

Before Emily could even finish her sentence, golden lips were on hers and just like that, she took flight. In the back of her mind, she knew that this was wrong. She knew that JJ would never leave Will. She knew that whatever JJ’s motivations were, they weren’t good. But maybe Emily just needed the escape that JJ would bring. Whatever the reason, Emily didn’t refuse as JJ bestowed upon her the most priceless gift that she could bring.

…

Paris was like something out of a dream.

Emily had found herself twisted in bedsheets with JJ in a haze of expensive wine and spilled truths. Emily was on wings, JJ the songbird to her blackbird. She wasn’t quite sure how they had gotten there. She wasn’t quite sure why JJ was even kissing her. But she knew that no matter her motivations, no matter how twisted it could be, JJ was kissing her. And right now that one truth trumped all.

Every touch, every whisper put Doyle further from her mind and brought a welcome clarity. She was flying, flying, flying. Emily turned every precious moment into a song; a folk song to be passed down through the generations; a folk song about their burning love.

Emily couldn’t believe that her dreams were coming true. Her golden goddess was touching her, loving her. It was all too exhilarating and Emily found herself lost for words as JJ worked pleasure into every corner of her body. When she hit her peak she lost herself completely, reaching high to the very moon on her wings of ecstasy.

Emily could see as JJ pulled away that war was waging in her mind. She could see the sudden realisation of what she had done, the guilt and horror. She had just cheated on Will and that was all that she was aware of. Emily’s wishes, Emily’s dreams were nothing to her. They never would be. And Emily should have been smart enough to know that from the very first touch of golden lips.

Perhaps JJ had realised her feelings when Emily had almost died. Perhaps she had finally worked out how to express her desires. Or maybe she had just finally seen an opportunity where they would not be interrupted. Regardless of JJ’s reasons, Emily knew that she loved Will first. Will was who she loved. And Emily would never be him.

Emily hit the ground hard as her wings finally faltered. Yet even her clipped wings couldn’t stop her from going to the nearest tattoo parlour the next day and requesting a blackbird.

Five.

And then it fades into the grey of my day old tea

Weddings were meant to be the most joyous occasion, a celebration of life and love. So why did Emily feel as if she was preparing for a funeral? Maybe, in a way, she was. It was time at long last to bury her unspoken feelings, to release them into the sea, never to return. And then she would leave. Leave everything behind. Leave JJ. Because ever since Paris, working with JJ was becoming a near impossible, torturous task. So when she had been offered the job at Interpol, her response was instantaneous. Yes.

She looked at herself in her bathroom mirror as she put in her earrings, barely able to recognise the stranger in the mirror. Ever since Doyle, her life had been falling apart. Ever since Paris… Paris had tilted her world on its axis and JJ had been acting like nothing had ever happened. The online Scrabble they had played while she flicked from address to address, terrified that Doyle would find her… JJ had gone straight back to acting like she always had, just a friend. And Emily hated it.

She went through the motions of getting ready in a melancholy haze. She must have spent minutes just standing in front of her car door, trying to make her hands move.

Get in the damn car, Prentiss.

Emily had never experienced a longer, more soul crushing car journey.

…

JJ was beautiful.

That was the only thought that Emily found herself capable of as she watched her goddess walk down the aisle, her smile brighter than any that Emily could ever give her. Emily forced herself to mirror that smile, true emotions be damned. Emily truly loved JJ so why couldn’t she be happy for her? Happy for the love that she had found, happy for the wonderful husband that Emily knew she’d have in Will?

Golden rings glinted in the moonlight as Will took one from the pillow that Henry was bearing. A golden ring for a golden girl. As Will slipped it onto JJ’s finger, the gold seemed to be mocking Emily, laughing in her face. The angel and the devil kissed, such a jarring pair. Emily had never felt such blazing fury, such insatiable longing and such bittersweet heartbreak ever before.

Emily would spend the night with her friends and she would cherish her final moments with those who had been her family when her own couldn’t even acknowledge her. Emily would dance with Hotch and laugh with Reid. She would join in Rossi’s toast, raising her glass high. She would let Garcia shed bittersweet tears on her shoulder and banter with Morgan. She would fight back the tears so desperate to break free and enjoy her last night with the BAU. She had to.

At one point in the evening, Emily found herself on the sidelines, watching as the new couple danced in the silver moonlight, golden rings still taunting her with every flash of metal. JJ’s gaze parted for just a moment from her husband, landing on Emily. JJ imparted her final words to Emily, communicating with only those rich blue eyes. I’m sorry.

The gold rush was over.

Six.

'Cause you know it could never be

JJ woke up in a cold sweat, heart racing and a scream escaping her lips before she could hold it back. For a moment, she was back there; in that room, wrists aching from bruising metal and pain ripping through her nerves as electricity jolted down her body.

“JJ! Hey, no, it’s okay, Jayje-”

JJ’s eyes adjusted to the low light of the room to see none other than Emily Prentiss standing before her, her hands out in front of her, calming JJ as though she was a spooked horse. JJ felt her heart rate begin to slow as she became aware of her surroundings. She was in a hospital room, machines lightly beeping as they monitored her body. Cold fluid was flowing into her arm through an IV and her burns - though still painful - were dulled by the pain medication that must have been administered to her.

She was here. Emily was here. She was safe.

JJ reached tired arms out to pull her closest friend into an embrace. JJ didn’t trust herself to talk right now. So she tried to put everything - her gratitude, her terror - into the hug. JJ knew that Emily would understand. The two of them were thick as thieves, as close as brothers. And there was no one she would have rather been there as she awakened.

The hug went on until JJ’s arms couldn’t bear it any longer and she let them go limp, arms falling back to her sides as they ached like hell. Emily smiled sadly and pulled a chair right up to the bed, her hand slipping into JJ’s. JJ held it tight; it was her anchor to the world while the stormy waves kept trying to drag her back to that godforsaken room.

JJ didn’t know how long she and Emily held eye contact. JJ found something comforting in the gleaming browns of her best friend’s eyes. There was a promise that JJ couldn’t quite explain. A promise that was the reason she was finally safe, finally free from Askari.

“You came. All the way from London,” JJ said, shaking her head in disbelief. She couldn’t believe that her best friend’s love for her ran so deep. And she knew how lucky she was to have a friend as great as Emily. “Emily…”

“You would do the same for me. You did the same for me,” Emily said, bringing JJ’s mind back to three years ago when their roles had been reversed.

“Emily, I was in the same state. But you came from London. London. Why?”

Because as much as JJ would like to have believed, platonic love didn’t ever run that deep. And perhaps JJ was bordering on a realisation that she didn’t, under any circumstances, want to have. The silence stretched on, JJ silently daring Emily to say exactly what the blonde was so afraid to hear.

“I needed to keep you safe,” Emily said after what felt like an eternity. “I… I couldn’t live without you.”

At that moment, everything fell into place. Every small glance, every small touch, Emily’s reactions to Will, Paris. Oh fuck, Paris. A collage of moments from the entirety of their friendship formed a final image that showed one truth.

“JJ… I love you.”

“I know… I know.”

Emily sat there, eyes void of emotion as JJ’s words found a home in her heart. She blinked, face blank, clearly trying to process what had just been said. JJ saw her heart drop like a glass of wine, shattering into tiny shards on the hard hospital floor.

JJ had to say something. Quick. “Emily, I-”

Emily was already standing, pulling her coat on and grabbing her things. “I’m sorry, JJ. I… I’m sorry.”

“Emily, wait!”

It was too late. Emily Prentiss had already left.

#raeswritingbingo #jemily #criminal minds #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #criminal minds fanfic #criminal minds fanfiction #jemily fanfic #angst #willifer #will lamontagne #gold rush #evermore #crossposted on ao3

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poisonheart · 9 months

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I think we need to have an honest discussion about shipping in the ILY fandom, especially as the story unveils relationship dynamics that go beyond platonic moving forward.

We cannot let the past repeat itself.

When the comic started, it was advertised as a romance by Webtoons, but Quimchee had always planned and proposed a mature drama. Around that time, they also began monetizing the platform so they asked her to change some of her dark ideas to fit the requirements advertisers might have pushed for initially.

It was an uncertain time with regards to what was or wasn't allowed.

[The comic was supposed to ramp up with those dark themes around the formal arc and it was going to places that would have been triggering to many readers.]

The editors pushed and sold the concept for a love triangle that was never intended because they probably believed this formula would attract more readers and it did.

Unfortunately, with it came all the bad things, too.

This strategy fostered hostility within the fan base and pressured Quimchee to create content to validate it.

Things got so heated in the fandom that we ended with harassment of not only readers but also of Quimchee—to the point that she understandably withdrew from engaging with the public.

[All while going through health issues and personal struggles, too.]

It was a very dark time in the ILY fandom and many people left the communities that had been built because of it. There were hiatuses, uncertainty, and a lot of things withheld from us due to Webtoons' abysmal communication on behalf of the series' they featured.

But the core problem was that unforgettable toxicity and ship war.

There were people who believed their desires were more important than the well being of a real person and that their vitriol was justified because things didn’t go their way.

They believed Quimchee deserved punishment for it.

There wasn't much outrage directed at Webtoons for their false advertisement or for pressuring her to tweak aspects of the story initially to fit their romance marketing agenda. Why?

Because what Webtoons wanted aligned with their desire and it was easier to pretend that Quimchee was a liar about her plot than admit they were misled by the platform, but most importantly, that their interpretation of the story was always flawed.

Quimchee was harassed constantly across multiple social media accounts and they justified their behavior with logic such as "if she created Character X first, then it means they're the lead" when she had constantly stated that there were three main leads in ILY who were equally important to the whole story.

To accept Quimchee's words would break down their arguments and defy the ideas they had created themselves.

They even believed she "sold herself out by not staying true" to a concept she had come up with in high school. They expected the loose and chaotic musings of a young girl to be the version of ILY we got despite her claims otherwise.

[What's funny is that their idea of what the original was is completely wrong and there is proof of it in all her old drawings and drafts.]

They simply refused to accept reality, substituted their own, and went on a campaign of hatred against her because of it.

Now we're here and the drama begins to show hints of romance through heavy, dark themes, and we're seeing that same deranged toxicity trying to make a comeback in the communities we have left.

Don't feed trolls. Don't give them what they want: attention.

To those who remain readers, I hope you can enjoy the story despite the romantic undertones. If you're unhappy, make fan works. If you're dissatisfied to the point you think harassing others and the creator is justified, then please check yourself and stop. Move on. There are a lot of stories waiting for you to enjoy.

To those who feel like they’ve “won” because of how the canon is playing out—stop it. You’re also part of the problem.

That useless “us vs them” mentality is what got us so far gone last time. That whole ‘we won’ or ‘we’re morally superior’ makes you just as problematic as the people who drove fans and Quimchee away years ago. Please check yourself and stop.

You’re not creating a healthy environment by being that way.

Finally, at the end of the day, everyone behind the computer screen is a person. You should never hurt real people, especially over fiction.

#i love yoo #i love you webtoons #non games

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therealvikingstrash · 6 months

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To the anon who needed to distinguish themselves from the previous one and decided to be nasty with having no background information whatsoever:

Did I hit a nerve on your own shortcomings in fandom? Boo- fucking- hoo. I'm not sorry.

The way I talk to people depends on how people talk to me. How they treat me. If someone assumes I'm a slotmachine for fic and gifs, I will treat them accordingly. Also, you didn't see the other anons, which influenced my tone.

If someone is nice, I'm nice. (You can check it out in my #vtrash answers tag btw, I'm not lying)

With me, you always receive the energy that you sent out. And this one was wack. Three anon asks within a couple minutes of each other and the tone was absolutely NOT okay. It also sounded like this person wanted to start some discourse and I'm not here for that bs.

Let me ask you this: if someone hits their dog over and over and over and one day the dog snaps, who's at fault? The dog for snapping or the owner for abusing it repeatedly? In this equation I'm the dog and I moderately snapped. I didn't even bite, but you make ME responsible? Weird way to out yourself as not being able to understand action and reaction.

Look, the really disgusting person is you, because you think telling someone the truth and giving them a reality check is being mean. Also, did you forget this new feature tumblr has where they can trace back who sent the anon? Not your smartest move.

Either way, I think social media warped your mind and you assume people aren't allowed to be people anymore- aren't allowed to express their emotions. We can't be upset by upsetting things, we can't be mad or angry when people make us angry, can't be sad, cuz god forbid you show any signs of feeling down, then you're crazy and toxic.

No, no, we all have to be these perfect little hollow dolls who never say "fuck" and always stay polite, even when other people are nasty. Upholding a MASK that isn't your true self at all costs. Kinda fucked up and dishonest, if you ask me. Screw you, I don't want to be like that. I've always been kind and quick to give out advice when needed, or words of encouragement to literally everyone who crossed paths with me, but was stabbed in the back multiple times. And for what? Fuck if I know. Was it jealousy all along or were those people just downright evil? I don't fucking know.

But I won't ever be that way. I'm a truthful person and I will always tell people what they need to hear and not what they want to hear. I'm not a fucking coward who hides behind anon.

This anon needed to know that they should put some fucking effort in fandom in order to have people create more 🤷🏼‍♀️ in this specific case me, but it goes for every other author and artist who's made to feel like an art and fic-slotmachine.

And yeah, I am of the opinion that the Vikings fandom specifically could do with more people reading, commenting, reblogging, sharing creations in order to NOT die.

Wow, what a bad, bad person I am for having such thoughts and saying out loud what basically every creator already knows. How cruel to hold people accountable for their refusal to take part in a fandom they claim to love. It's a fucking team effort to keep a fandom alive, in case you didn't notice, you dunce.

But funnily enough, for the longest time the only people on this team who actively tried to keep the fandom flowing with creations are all the same:

@vikingsbigbang - that's me and @tlkvikings (that was public knowledge btw)

@vikings-archive - surprise, surprise: me

@vikingsevents - also @tlkvikings and I

And of course the Vikings Server on discord that I created and am modding with @tlkvikings as well, to somehow get a cohesive community going.

Why did we never brag about it, you might ask? Why did we never advertise it? Put our name to it for credit? Because we just wanted to get this fandom going without any prejudice. To keep it engaged and running. We didn't want people thanking us specifically. We were happy when people engaged and showered one another with love at events we just gave them the opportunity for. We basically created opportunities for everyone, that's all. And we didn't ask for anything in return. Even after the very same fandom demonized and hated us. Yeah, that sounds like I'm a horrible, awful person, you're right.

But it's so much work, with nothing in return. The occasional "thank you" if we're lucky, but that's it. If only more people would at least engage in those opportunities to create and share, that would be enough, but even those rates have been going down. No one even THINKS of who runs these blogs (like they aren't run by people who can get exhaused, overwhelmed and discouraged) and how much work it is to keep up.

OF COURSE my own blog isn't posting new stuff all the time. Like, wtf do you think I am? A fucking god? Fuck no. I'm not online all the time, I have a life too, you know. It should be obvious that someone who has done so much for the community will get frustrated when people only ever ask for more.

We're basically the backbone of this fandom and in return not so long ago a group of people ran a smear campaign against us (slid into peoples dms and told lies about us, sent disgusting anons, made call-out posts full of lies, tried to doxx another friend of ours FOR OVER A YEAR and I'm still here) while the whole fandom watched and didn't help at all, our art gets stolen, our works ignored and THEN people ask FOR MORE?! And you think it's not an appropriate reaction to give someone a moderate fucking reality check? Be for FUCKING real, you cunt.

I can assume you're in the vikings fandom too, since you said you saw the post due to the tag, so I'm hoping you will see this as well and feel ashamed of yourself for not even using your brain for a fucking second.

#vikings fandom #fandom stuff #i hope the anon who send me their shitty opinion reads this

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sparklecryptid · 1 year

Text

moose's extremely self indulgent birthday bash fics (1/3)

featuring: an incredibly creative use of jesus' name in a curse.

in which the author gets thrown into their own au and isn't that happy about it. (uncomplete ficbit)

Kit has learned that despite being thrust into a fanfiction he started when he was nineteen he knows absolutely jack shit about anything that’s happening ever. If asked why he knew nothing of this Alternate Universe Kit would claim that anything that happened after the story wasn’t written anywhere and thus he cannot claim to know what happens after the curtains fall.

This has been his motto for the past three years he’s been in Eos. Pretend to know nothing and let others assume you have all the information already so they’ll hand feed you the important bits. It’s worked wonderfully so far, Kit knows that Ace has gotten married and that his coronation is set for June of this year in Insomnia.

So Kit is going to avoid Insomnia. He does not give a single fuck about the weird fatherly urge that makes him want to hunt down the character he created and sigh dreamily at him. Not just because Axis or Libertus would likely shank Kit but also because it would be fucking weird.

Not only that, Ace also has this entirely unneeded ability to control lightning now. This causes the air around him to feel static and buzzing and Kit knows that with his meager control of his ability the royal family would undoubtedly figure out something was Wrong With Him.

(Kit resolutely does not think of the lichtenberg scars running down his back. He does not think of them.)

So all Kit has to do is continue to avoid the royal family and anyone associated with them at all costs. Easy enough. It’s not like Kit is the type of person people would go looking for.

Kit hates his job. He hates his job. He hates that because he needs a paycheck he has to go to Insomnia to watch Ace get crowned.

Kit also hates that he knows Ace is going to be grumpy and that a grumpy Ace is a keen-eyed Ace who will do almost anything to get the attention off of him.

So Kit dresses fancy - as a member of the press he must - and takes notes on a piece of paper as his photojournalist buddy is busy taking shots. He does not intend to do anything more than the bare minimum. Kit has a recording device going so he doesn’t misquote any of Regis’ adoring speech to his eldest but Kit refuses to look at Ace at all.

He would not be able to stop himself from doing something embarrassing if he did.

Not looking at Ace has some benefits; for one it allows him to make eye contact with the man carrying a gun in the crowd. They lock eyes. The man fires. Lightning rips itself from the scars that have etched themselves into Kit’s back.

Someone screams. A lightning bolt takes out the assassin's leg. Kit spares a moment to wonder if he’s going to throw up. His photojournalist has not stopped screaming. Kit tosses another lightning bolt at a man with a knife charging toward the stage where the important people are. He figures turning to ash is loads better than what Ace or Regis would do to the poor sod.

Kit scans the area, finds others had already dealt with any other would-be assassins and that Kit is the only supposed threat left.

He spares a moment to wonder if being tackled to the ground would dislocate his shoulder - all signs point to yes - before he dims the light show.

His photojournalist is still screaming.

“Will you stop that?” Kit demands and takes a step forward only for the other man to scramble backwards, “Fucking hell, I’m not going to fry you. Did you at least get any decent photos?”

The screaming stops. The photojournalist is now laid face first on the floor.

“Jesus fuck,” Kit says, “This day sucks.”

“I haven’t heard anyone swear like that since I met my nephew.” It’s a darling voice, rich and deep in its timber and Kit suddenly hates that he has always found it attractive. “Who are you?”

“Just a guy,” Kit says, lying like a liar to the man who has multiple PhDs in lying.

Ardyn’s smile is frosty and amused. Kit tries to leave.

He is grabbed by the back of his shirt like a misbehaving kitten being scruffed.

“Can you put me down?” he asks.

“No,” Ardyn says because he’s an asshole like that.

Kit tilts his head to try and get a better view of the man.

“I hope you get fucked through the wounds Jesus had,” Kit says with all he sincerity of a priest.

Ace lets out a disbelieving laugh and if things weren’t as fucked as they were Kit would have more time to appreciate it.

Ardyn makes a face.

“Aether,” he says to his nephew, “Explain.”

“No,” Ace says and his voice is so full of assholery Kit is proud, “I’m going to let you wonder about that one.”

#royal bastard au #mooses birthday bash 2023 #in other words im hobbiting this year. everyone gets a peak at the self indulgent bullshit i write #my actual birthday is the 11th but im starting this on 10th today

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georgegraphys · 11 days

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Ari do you think Ferrari taking in a title sponsor is a good idea? They are rumoured to be partnering up with HP to fund Lewis’ salary, but what is the point of doing that, if he has a two years long contract?

Can you explain or do a recap of this because it’s a little confusing reasoning to me

Hello! Okay so for disclaimer. This is going to be more of an opinionated answer since there are no theoretical things to talk about and please do not use my opinion as a standard for weighing the rights and wrongs 🩵

Okay so for the people who are not aware yet:

Since title sponsors usually get featured in the team name like 'Oracle Red Bull Racing', 'Mercedes AMG Petronas F1 Team', 'Visa Cashapp RB F1 Team', 'Aston Martin Aramco F1 Team' or even former teams like 'Williams Martini Racing', 'BWT Racing Point F1 Team', 'Pertamina Manor Racing F1 Team' (I think this is the name?), and lots more, then I guess Hewlett Packard's name is going to be featured on Ferrari's name either as Hewlett Packard Scuderia Ferrari F1 Team or whatever it is.

Breaking down anon's questions:

1) Is it a good idea? Again this is something of my own opinion but for me? No. Ferrari is a team that has the strongest legacy out of every other team despite Mercedes and Red Bull's dominance for the past two decades or so. Ferrari has carried themselves as capable enough to stand without a title partner name in their name. It has always been Scuderia Ferrari and the last time (in my knowledge, has yet to do extensive research on it) that Ferrari has a title sponsor was Marlboro a long time ago.

The thing with other teams are they either a) had sponsors long enough that the sponsor and the team's branding basically merged together (Mercedes and Petronas) or b) is known to have short term title sponsors (Aston Martin-Cognizant, Williams-Martini/ROKiT/AT&T, Haas-Ural Kali/MoneyGram, etc). Ferrari is a team that builds its branding off a vibe that tells everyone "I can stand alone here. The great prancing horse does not need any other names to accompany or support itself" (in my interpretation). For it to change so suddenly, especially if it was used to pay off someone's wage, is a bit of a crack in the branding. I'm not saying HP will destroy Ferrari's legacy. No. But it feels... odd? I am not an insider but what i am questioning from this decision is that a) if LH were to retire, let's say 2026, will HP still be there? B) Is HP really needed as a sponsor or does it only serve its purpose to pay whatever is left from LH's salary that Ferrari couldn't?

This answer on the paragraph above has a bit of a correlation with the next one i'm about to answer:

2) What is the point of doing that if LH has only a 2 year contract? Uhh.. First of all, is it 1+1 or 2+1? Let's say the latter since they were talking about the new regs. Second of all, what is the point? This is a question you should direct towards what is inside the peculiar mind of John Elkann and Ferrari's 11 Board of Executives members as I am not one.

But despite everything, you have a good question anon. What is it for? That is my question too like what I said before. Is it only to pay for LH's salary that they desperately gave its long empty spot of title sponsor? Or is it more of an investment like INEOS? Don't get me wrong. INEOS did what HP did too. INEOS paid for the 20M remainder of LH salary since 2021 until now because Daimler refused to. But other than that, they also put an investment as a whole on the team by buying 33.3% of Daimler's shares. That means INEOS is there not only to pay for LH's salary but also as an investor. Sir Jim Ratcliffe wouldn't be so crazy to buy 33.3% only for LH, assuming that he could retire/leave anytime. This means INEOS is actually interested in long term investment. But the question stands. What is this HP deal? Is it like INEOS? An investment (but I haven't heard of HP buying Stellantis/Exor NV aka Elkann's company's 70% shares) or is it only there to pay for LH's salary and just a cheer team?

Besides if it's to 'help' pay LH, how much do they pay? People say it's equivalent to Oracle's deal. Oracle's deal with RBR is speculated to be at $100M valuations while Petronas' deal with Mercedes is at $75M. If they're there to help, the question is how much? Since INEOS came to help pay the salary in Mercedes and as a real team partner, i'm pretty sure they paid $20M remainder of LH salary and also another base pay for Mercedes itself. And besides I thought Elkann was going to pay for everything from his own wallet? Why did he back down now? 🤨🤨 Why did he back down enough to let Ferrari hire a title sponsor again after YEARS or even decades? 🤨🤨 Why did he go back on his words? That's the question from me.

If you ask for the short point then for now I could only think of two: real investment or just there to pay for LH's salary. Those are the only thing I can conclude.

Besides continuing from question number 1. Is it going to be profitable enough for HP tho? Will the public reaction be good? The same public that have known Ferrari and Scuderia Ferrari for years only. Will they enjoy their fav team "identity" popping out of somewhere after a whole decade and more without a sponsor? Is it really a good idea in that sense? For me, no. But I'm pretty sure Ferrari gets a pass for it since its fanbase is strong and next year they are partnered with another strong fanbase.

There are so many questions from myself and I could not draw much conclusion from a two sentence statement that describes the situation in a very minimal way. If anon or whoever here has a useful news article to listen to them, please do share it with me! But I hope this helps anon!

#ari's asks #corporate talks #sponsor talks

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alizeh-tu-badi-mushkil-hai · 1 year

Text

"You seem interesting. Would you like to go on a date with me?"

"This isn't the first time someone has asked me out, and there have been many guys who wanted to take me on a nice date. However, I've always declined their offers and refused to go with them. I have this fear that's difficult to explain. I've never been on a date before, nor have I met guys who see me in a romantic way. If someone does express interest, I tend to ghost them because I'm scared. I've never dated anyone, had my first kiss, or engaged in any intimate relationship. In today's modern generation, I'm seen as boring and old-fashioned.

Dates may sound nice, with conversations in bed, but the whole process makes me uncomfortable. Choosing a dress from my old closet and finding the right clothes to look attractive and pleasing is unsettling for me. I don't want to fit into a revealing Emerald Green slit dress to emphasize my desired features, nor do I want to wear a Coral Pink Kurti with jhumkas to look old-fashioned, which you might find boring.

You might choose a high-class restaurant with perfect continental food, but I prefer street food that makes my mouth water. And then there's the conversation, with your credit card next to you, which can be intimidating. You may make a move and pay the bill, asserting dominance over me. It reminds me of how patriarchy holds power over women. You may touch me and be clingy, wanting to kiss. Yes, kissing and being intimate are normal, but you won't know how my neighbor assaulted me when I was 10 years old, causing me to prevent any men from touching my body, even my own father.

The idea of love and intimacy scares me so much that I prefer being alone rather than someone loving me with wrong intentions and violating my boundaries. My virginity has become a topic among my friends, while losing it has become cool. Yes, I'm a virgin woman who thinks differently from others in this generation. I often feel the generation gap within my own generation, questioning who is right and who is wrong. I become the subject of comedians' jokes, targeted for my virginity and the way women lose it. There are countless things in this world to make fun of, yet people choose me, my sufferings, and my virginity as their source of laughter.

My idea of love and intimacy is something else, something you won't understand, just as I may not fully grasp your concept of love and sex. It's easy to be physically naked with someone, but can you emotionally expose yourself and let your guard down completely? Can you trust someone with your whole body, mind, and soul? I've come to realize that there are two types of people in this world. The first type loves others to have fun and fulfill their desires, consensually. The second type seeks emotional, physical, and spiritual connection, to truly understand one another's body, mind, and soul.

I respect people's choices because humans have sound minds and can think for themselves. But I am definitely the second type of person, hoping to grow, heal, and stay together until our love resonates within each other's worlds. Nevertheless, thinking about all these things can be frustrating. It often feels like I'm the black sheep in this generation, left out. It's sad, yet it's also satisfying to know that I'm forming my own idea of love and intimacy based on the traumatic phases of my life. Ultimately, people love others in the way they understand love and intimacy."

#now would you like to take me on a date?#desiblr #poetry #prose poetry

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