#and idk how to forgive myself!!!!!!!!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

disillusionmp3 · 1 year

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ahaha😎💯

#i haven't talked abt this w anyone yet bc it's so fucking humiliating #but my ex's corworker was in love w them and one time they asked me 'would u be mad if i made him believe i liked him back? it would be an #epic prank lol'#and i said it didn't bother me :(( bc i wanted to trust them and bc there had been a situation before where i had accidentally implied that #they might not be a lesbian and it was so upsetting to them and i didn't want to stir that up again #and the pretending to like him turned into actual liking him (probably already was more than pretend from the start even if they couldn't #admit it to themselves)#i really let someone cheat on me w my eyes wide open i feel so stupid and disgusting and ugly and dumb and small #idk how to not see it as my fault #and idk how to forgive myself!!!!!!!!!#crying so fucking much rn idk what to do #🍓

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oakbuggy · 8 months

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okay so im a perfectionist

imma go lie down now, goodnight

pseudo-sequel to this post ???

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wp-blaze · 10 hours

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What are the key features of great songs?

I’m in the midst of learning ‘Clair de Lune’ at the moment, and I’ve already gone past the ‘I love this music’ part. I don’t know about you, but when […]

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ghostdrinkssoup · 11 months

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thinking about how the only reason sunny started reconnecting with the world and realising he deserves love is because kel never gave up on him. even though sunny isolated himself from everyone kel still called him and tried to reach out. and it’s so pivotal it’s literally the key choice that determines whether or not you get the good ending. the path to healing and contentment depends on whether or not you take the hand kel offers you. and sunny learns to forgive himself because he keeps making that choice. he opens the door for kel, and therefore chooses reconciliation and personal growth. it’s why he’s able to save basil in the end. because kel is strong and resilient and kind. because kel is lonely and has grieved in silence for years but still looks for sunny everywhere he goes. because they’re both invisible. because everything that sunny needs, kel has.

kel saved sunny’s life

#they have the healthiest relationship in the game which says a lot because everyone is so damaged #I’m literally inconsolable #they’re foils your honour #tbf sunny foils all the kids for different reasons (which is why his dynamic with all of them is SO GOOD)#but his dynamic with kel makes me the most insane #idk what it is but it’s made me viscerally unwell #and that’s just thinking about the good ending. what about the bad/neutral endings………… gonna throw myself out a window #I also have thoughts about how hs!kel is the most flawed out of the kids even though headspace is meant to be an ideal world #meaning the kids are all the most idealised versions of themselves #but hs!kel is always in trouble and flawed and disruptive and is so openly himself #because he doesn’t need to be perfect to be deserving of love. not even from sunny’s warped/unreliable perspective #which is so important considering sunny’s relationship with kel directly impacts whether or not he can forgive himself #but anyway…………….#omori #omori kel #omori sunny #omori suntan #omori sunkel #omori caprisun #ghost speaks

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tgirljoker · 10 months

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idk i really dont like people characterizing haru as a vengeful person that only disliked akechi killing her father because she wanted to kill him herself. on top of the fact that its blatantly and wildly out of character it also feels like taking the easy way out to avoid acknowledging that people can have complex and sympathetic relationships to bad people lol

#idk! personal peeve but #‘’i wanted to kill him myself’’ haru kind of undermines her entire character but people treat it like a revolutionary take on the character #when in all actuality its really just edgy lmao #also this goes back to how people mischaracterize the thieves to make them forgive akechi in general #haru and futaba get this the worst and its just. so much less interesting than exploring those tense and complicated dynamics sorry #rant over ummmm stan haru #persona

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tadpoles-and-daydreams · 18 days

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Hey there! Hekate has pointed me toward your blog and I just wanted to say hi 💞

I do have a question though, have you ever had deities help you with motivation and executive functioning skills? I've got ADHD and the "laziness"(🤢) or what I call "going slug mode" (staying in bed all day, no motivation to shower, etc) really commands my life.

My periods of deity work tend to coincide with my periods of productivity and energy, but I often fall off when, well, everything else falls off. So I guess I'm also looking for advice or at least to connect with someone who's had similar experiences.

(I've also connected with Aphrodite and Loki! Other gods I've worked with in the past are Mother Hathor and Brigid)

First off, I may or may not have had so many feelings upon seeing "Hekate has pointed me towards your blog" because the idea that my blog can be useful enough that a deity would go "go look at what that dude has to say" just brings me so much joy.

Second off, OH THIS IS ABSOLUTELY SOMETHING I SHOULD SCREAM ABOUT THANK YOU. I can't believe I haven't already made a post about this!!

I, too, am an ADHD motherfucker and I have always had so many issues with keeping up with my craft. I will absolutely be calling it "slug mode" from now on, that's the best fucking way to put it. I've had deities help me with executive function at times, but if I'm honest I've forgotten lately that I can ask them for help with that. More often than not it looks more like nudging me towards a task than giving me the energy- but that doesn't mean you can't ask! It just means I forgot I could, lol.

This is gonna be a chonker post, so I'm breaking this post up into two parts; 1, why accepting "falling off" was the best thing I could have done for myself and 2, how to still connect with your craft (and deities) through those times anyway.

So for one, you're not broken or a failure, and your deities fuckin' love you.

Call me philosophical, but hear me out; I've always worked in cycles. Cycles of insane productivity, cycles of tiredness, cycles of hyperfixation on one thing, then another, then another. I'm just someone who works that way, and I've always viewed it as a problem to be fixed. I've always viewed MYSELF as a problem to be fixed, which really started with the school system but that's an unrelated rant. So, apologies for getting a bit intense especially since this may not apply to you personally, but just in case:

You're not a problem. You don't need to fix yourself. The world works in cycles. Seasons, reincarnation if you subscribe to that belief, the water cycle, and a billion other things I've forgotten- working with cycles is just a natural way of going about life that I think shouldn't be forgotten. I have intense periods of growth in my craft, and I have periods where I don't do much and instead play my favorite video game for eight hours straight- and that's okay! One of the best things I did for myself and my craft was give myself permission to do that. I, and you, are not failures as witches for "falling off" and our deities love us anyway. Not in spite of it, either, because of it. They know how to work with the cyclic nature of things; people are no different.

So honestly, there's a chance that none of this will make sense to you- but there's a chance that you, and maybe others seeing this post, might find that giving yourself permission to go through cycles might be the best thing you could do.

Okay, now that I've yelled about that, here's ways that I keep myself connected to my craft and my deities during my less witchy periods.

I give myself permission to use witchcraft for "dumb shit." I have at least one post on this, but witchcraft can BE childish, playful, "dumb-" it doesn't need to be serious all the time. So I'm learning to let go of what I think it should look like and recognize that sometimes the way to stay connected is to lay in bed and draw a sigil on my phone as a mini-spell to manifest a nice little treat or a thing I want in a video game.

This isn't deity work, but it had been huge for me: SIGILS. Sigils my beloved. I don't often have the time, energy, or supplies to do what most people think of when they talk about spells. So instead, if I'm feeling like I could do a spell for something but that's just too much, sigils can be done on my phone or computer while just chilling. Also, if you're like me and a writer, I just write spells too. Literally the same way I write statements for sigils, but a bunch of 'em.

Personally I just talk to my deities. I would like to do this more, actually. You don't need to have a big reason for calling them in, just ask them to sit with you and talk about your day or infodump about a special interest. They're not going to deem it unimportant; you're important to them.

Turn anything into a devotional activity if you want. Any self-care. Not just the typical stuff; I mean food, meds, literally any sort of "maintenance" to keep your body and mind running! If you can't do those, play music you associate with them, or watch a show/play a game and invite them to just sit with you. Whatever you're already doing, you can just ask them to do it with you. If that's literally just laying in bed doing nothing but feeling crappy, I can assure you I've asked them to sit with me during those days too and they've been more than happy.

Literally most of my offerings are just random food. As we speak, I have a little tiny thing with a few sips of soda because I give Loki some when I drink some. If you don't have the time or energy to put it on the altar, literally just drink it with the intention that you're drinking it "for" them. When I did a reading and Kali visited for it, she asked for a graham cracker of all things. It doesn't have to be associated with them. Virtual offerings too! If you can, I've seen people just scroll through pinterest/google images and pick images to offer to their deities.

This might not be something you struggle with, but this is definitely something I would need someone to tell me so: ASK. PLEASE. ASK FOR THINGS. They're not going to riot if you ask for things!! Let them help!! Ask for things, unapologetically if you can muster it!!! I am using excessive exclamation marks for a reason, I swear. My deities are in a constant state of telling me to just ask for things.

Be gentle with yourself. Genuinely, I think one of the best ways to honor your deities doesn't even require them to be there at all; just try not to hate on yourself for being the way you are, because they wouldn't want you to.

Overall, my only advice is just... throw away what you "should" be doing and find out what you LIKE doing. What works for you? It's a hard question to answer, but it gets a lot easier when you start looking away from what "should" work. Your deities are working with you, they wouldn't be working with you if they didn't accept every single part of you. That includes slug mode.

As always, my DM's and asks are open if you have any more questions/just want to connect because being a neurodivergent witch sometimes just feels isolating at times! If you actually read this whole post thank you, I hope some of it helped!!

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ohitslen · 11 months

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I am here, once again, with my Ao No Flag propaganda

These two specific panels of Toma were the thing that made me think over a year ago “Man. I want to be like that too” as in KAITO drawing expression because—

The subtle shift of emotion, it’s present all throughout the manga, but this is what sold it for me. For no particular reason, it’s not even the best example, it was just what sealed the deal to me

#it’s the way his eyes open slightly in surprise when Seiya tells him that his friends refused to give an explanation when asked about #what happened in what I think is a way of them showing they care about Toma #and that surprises Toma since I believe he might have been doubtful his friends would forgive him after that #which man. idk maybe it’s because it hit home in some other things. it’s so good #Kaito handles the way the characters express themselves so good I’m always in awe anytime I reread any volume #it’s just. they feel so real in their flaws and mistakes and how they take it. for example our dear protagonist #man he is a wreck. but it’s understandable since he is going through a stage in life where he is still understanding himself!#and KAITO depicts it so nicely and lets him be awful. and let’s everyone be it too. they fuck up yes! but it’s not the end of the world #and he shows that too. how it’s okay to make mistakes but you have to owe them and grow from them not get stuck in them #it’s the little me inside of myself that was making me weep I believe #Ao no flag #blue flag #toma mita #yeah this is about volume 7 too #well i dont know it’s the way Seiya is older sibling anguish that hit me with a bat personally because 🤝. same.#and just. AAAAGGHHHH I’m going insane

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

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dogboner · 16 days

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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

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rustyreveries · 3 months

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decided to torture myself a bit and attempted to doodle canon sal. never doing this again

is this what the people want. boring ass green twink /lh

#i forgot how different my sal is from canon in terms of like. physical appearance #my version is soooo much better 😘 /hj #salad fingers #this sucks soooo fucking bad i’m sorry #i could not bring myself to finish this it is vile #i used up all my energy on my little pony fanart 💔#i can never draw sal’s head right it’s driving me crazy #i have no idea how to draw skinny people either forgive me #i was fighting myself so hard not to add eyelashes… he’s so incomplete without the 2 fat lashes i give him all the time #why did his fingers change sizes in this you may be asking? i have no fucking clue please stop asking questions .#maybe check out the other art i posted earlier it's sm better than this. i love sal but he makes my art shitty for some reason #he's like a curse #i just noticed smth. why does sal look like he’s jacking off in the one doodle ☹️☹️#maybe he is idk #why does this look better than my actual sf art :[#i think it's bc i spent like 10 minutes on the head losies #> rust's art <

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cheekblush · 6 months

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Ask Polly - 'I Hate Myself and I'm Miserable Every Day!'

#ask polly #words #note to self #when sad #i REALLY needed this right now #i feel so much shame and self hatred it's eating me alive #i need to find a therapist just like polly recommends the person in her reply bc idk how to forgive myself on my own #if only it wasn't so difficult to get an appointment/find a good therapist but i think i'm gonna try again #i genuinely need help and someone to talk to it's gotten so bad again and i've kept so many things bottled up for years #☁️

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thedrotter · 9 days

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re:kinder goofy (for the most part) doodle dump !!! last two are from. five months ago when i was barely starting to draw these characters but i found them amusing 😊 enjoy snacks

#re:kinder #fanart #doodles #hiroto re:kinder #rei re:kinder #shunsuke takano #aya re:kinder #yuuichi mizuoka #and company !!!#isnt it fun to see how i struggle to keep ym art style consistent even through my doodles isnt tjat awesome #miss mizuoka is there so i dont forget the fact i can draw adults but i dont wanna draw anything that isnt rekinder related #not because of anything serious just because my brain feels the barrier of being FORCED to draw other media...#must draw character from comfort media ONLY !!!! /lh #ou do forgive the goofy look of chie's cat i eont know how to draw a cat to save my life im so sorry #learned nothing from warrior cats phase 😞#for the uninformed the mistresses are holding tazos which are. idk little plastic disk things that used to come in potato chips in latam #its like em beyblades for americans (i think) . brag yo dragon ball tazo collection and fight with em #oh yeah ARE THOSE YUUICHI'S OCS LIKE GENUINELY ARE THE MISTRESSES HIS OCS OR IN UNIVERSE FAIRYTALE CHARACTERS #i ask myself that often like. is he just good at character design at 8 why do his monsters have such variety and nice color palettes #the sizes i drew for the mistresses are VERY VERY messy and i would likely draw them differently scale wise . but who care for funny doodle #sixth doodle pic was a palette cleanser after fighting for my life imitating 10 year old me's art style #i drew yuuichi as i would have as a child and i got afraid i would forget how to draw him in my current art style for some reason #its so runny now that i think about it #so many more things can be said but im zzzźzz good good night

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jerseymichaels · 2 years

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I made this in 5 minutes but seriously, you can’t accept an apology about something that didn’t happen to you!! It’s not your place! Only Kdin gets to decide that!

#kay rambles #idk man I made myself hollowly laugh with this one #also it’s true and I’m tired of seeing all the people under the apologies saying they forgive them… like???#how are you forgiving something that didn’t even happen to you???#roosterteeth #achievement Hunter

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babygirlgiles · 7 months

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Apparently the thing I’ve learned about Hunger Games fanfiction is that typically it’s less of a study of the universe and the characters that inhabit it and more a study in people’s reactions to the universe and/or people’s assumptions about like. Life in general. Idk I just have so many questions for these ppl. What do these people think living in poverty is like? Do they really think Katniss’s one room home on the outskirts of the country’s poorest region has a wall thermostat? How do they think that thermostat operates, in a region that regularly goes long stretches of time without electricity? How do they think glow in the dark stars are manufactured? What about plastic pee on a stick pregnancy tests, how do they think those are made? Why do siblings or family members never share beds, especially when it’s literally mentioned in the book? Why do they think that Katniss and Peeta, whose relationship has been subjected to endless government scrutiny and who live in a region known for it’s lack of government oversight, would ever want or need to get legally married? Why do they think that Katniss would ever change her last name, which is in many ways one of her last connections to her dead father and her dead sister? Where do they think lactose free milk comes from? Why does Katniss have a dishwasher? Why does Katniss. Have a dishwasher.

#a toaster oven I can forgive even though that still makes very little sense but a dishwasher?#they don’t have running water.#do you know how often I see the dishwasher too???? do you have any idea how often miss Katniss no running water Everdeen has a dishwasher???#I am genuinely just so fascinated by this like I’m not even enjoying the fics for the most part I’m just so intrigued by ppls assumptions #I can’t get over the dishwasher thing tho like. how am I supposed to act normal knowing many people think Katniss Everdeen has a dishwasher.#also yeah sorry idk how to explain myself on this one #Idek when/why I started reading this stuff it wasn’t a conscious decision #I’m going to be so tired at work tomorrow and it’s solely bc I am HAUNTED by these dishwashers

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wish-i-had-robin-wings · 2 months

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Ok I’m so sorry in advance to everyone, but y’all are about to get so many notifications from me.

I was just giving mutuals two boops to keep even numbers, but I’ve already forgotten if I’ve booped some people or not, and there’s boop badges…

So! I will try to only boop mutuals and my followers, but I am sorry for the notif spam.

I will get the boop badges though, rip to y’all >:3

#I hope you can forgive me for the notif spam #love you guys!!#anyways!#delete later #wait does booping yourself count towards badges bc I will just sit here and spam myself hold up #please lmk if you know #rip ok it looks like it only goes towards your received count and not the badge count #rip oh well lol #WAIT!!!#I HAVE A SECRET SIDE BLOG!!#boutta have a boop laundering scheme fr if it works #shhhhh #it works #>:3 #it’s very slow through the app idk how but I’m gonna make it #TwT

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devilsskettle · 10 months

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things i’m trying to do for my life to be better summer 2023 edition —

-> exercise 3x a week at least

-> eat protein

-> find easy recipes with few ingredients so i’ll actually be consistent about cooking actual meals for myself

-> less caffeine: no caffeine on non-work days or after 3 pm

-> habit stacking

-> no phone in the morning (admittedly a challenge because it helps my brain wake up but at what cost)

-> california sober

-> read Something

-> fruit

-> hydrate

-> being consistent about doing the dishes + laundry

-> slowly but surely getting my room together in a way that is fit for human habitation

-> i am a body before i am a mind so i need to prioritize my physical needs

-> traveling as much as i can afford to

#framing these things as trying to make my Life better instead of just trying to Be better is helping also #and being flexible about how i’m achieving these goals also and forgiving to myself if i don’t do everything on this list every day #because i’m not going to be able to do that lol and it’s fine #2023 #anyway i do think i am doing well with a lot of these things! which is progress #what i actually need to start working on now is the next steps of my career #somebody hold me at gun point and force me to apply to these certificate programs #also i should probably make an appointment with a psychiatrist to refill my meds #but i haven’t taken them in a hot minute since i ran out and i’m feeling good so idk maybe i don’t need to do that #maybe that’s the devil talking but i want to see if i can manage my symptoms with these lifestyle changes before i go back to meds

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noxchievous · 1 year

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Lemmy again

#digital art #my suffering ends man #I made her a little more monstrous looking after her corruption becuz . I wanted to ^_^#as in I've drawn a little bit more uncorrupted gems (which she is) since her initial design so I wanted to redo it a little #made her look like a shark. becuz she's a lemon quartz so.. lemon shark idk man it just happened whil I was drawing #she wasn't initially gonna be uncorrupted but it would only make sense for her to be. also she's super cute now !!!!#also forgive me for idulging in myself. she doesn't have a body this human; she's segmented just like most other gems.#she doesn't have fat reserves so her “excess” weight wouldn't fold like humans she's segmented like an ant #because that's how I interpret gems to be like...#anyways really glad I'm done w this finally ^_^#now I have to make some refs for art fight. so that people aren't frustrated by how scattered all my references usually are #I go by muscle memory baby !! I work with whatever color references I have but that doesn't work for art fight so yea #sorry for rambling in my tags again (I'm not) I just deserve to after this headache of a piece and am thinking about a lot #Lemmy&Cateye #real proud of this I think it could be better though

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c-nan · 9 months

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ooh yay! wip poll time! tagged by @orionlancasterr (thank you!!! <3)

Rules: Make a 24-hour poll with the names of your wips, let it run, then write one sentence for every vote the winner received.

tagging @lenny-kosnowski @krismunroes @dancedance-resolution @bluehairedspidey @sprqpointintern @sappy-sappho and anyone else who wants to!! (omg idk who all writes fic!!! im sorry if i missed anyone 😭 pls do this if you see it and want to! (and don’t forget to tag me so i can vote 👍))

#i also have a strong idea for a vamp jackie fic but i haven’t started it yet and i don’t have the time/energy to start it so i didn’t add #it here rip </3 #also damn i have to put titles on these things lol #this is how i describe them to myself in my head idk how i’m ever gonna think of them any other way lol #also it’s 6 am i haven’t slept at all pls forgive my awful tagging my brain isn’t computing

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