#and my mother was so upset with me

[just-a-tiny-goldfish]

I can’t believe I was so scared the fishes were gunna eat me when I was little

#but after I got in—and they were nice and tickled #and my mother was so upset with me #she decided it was time to go that second—if I hadn’t been so scared I would have had more time in the water with the fish #but because I didn’t listen we had to leave now that I knew they wouldn’t hurt me 😔 🐟 #it was a little mean—it was so long—but I remember it so well #they were little specks of silver in the water

[luck-of-the-drawings]

EVERYONE SEEMS TO HAVE MOVED ON SO WELL, ITS LIKE NO ONE EVEN CARES THAT SHES GONE. ISNT ANYONE ELSE FUCKING MAD? OR CONFUSED? I WILL TEAR THIS WHOLE WORLD APART FOR AN ANSWER, SINCE NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO WANT TO.

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi riptide #jrwi riptide spoilers #jay ferin #FORGOT TO POST THISSUN WWWOOOOPS!! #anyway JAY!!! at some point during the feywild arc. after gill lost pretzel. condi had mentioned that the reason jay enabled gills rampage #was bc she had lashed out the same way when she lost her sister. what was that like? what was jay like when she was sad and heartbroken and #AAANGRY? like we've seen her get mad and upset but. we've never seen her in the deepest throes of grief and anguish #I WANNA SEE HER AT HER WORST shes so cool and fascinating to me. also she totally took up smoking that time. thats MY silly headcanon #i love drawing the ferin family so much too. she has the nose from her dads side and the eyes from her mothers #i also like the idea that during the first part of riptide. she was doing her hair up like her sisters. all the more reason for lizzie to #mistake her for her sister eheheh. #NO OTHER THOUGHTS. HEAD EMPTY. TALK TO ME ABT JAY IN THE TAGS #I LOVE READING TAGS I WILL READ YOUR TAGS

[scintillyyy]

honestly there's a lot of sophie's choice questions within the batfam for tim that are super interesting to me because. while tim would hate himself for having to make a sophie's choice and have to sacrifice someone, he has a very clear cut priority order imo that's like dick -> bruce -> steph -> helena -> babs -> damian...so on and so forth that wouldn't make the decision as difficult as it could be.

however. to me tim's most *interesting* sophie's choice scenerios would come from the idea of a batfam vs his dad. what if something happened while his dad were still alive and he had to choice between saving dick or jack. or bruce and jack. what if. what if.

#i'm not going to elaborate on what if but it is an extremely FUN sophie's choice designed to make tim suffer immensely either way #anyways i was thinking of this bc i saw the how dick as red hood would be fundamentally different post again #and it reminded me how much i hate red hood tim because again tim would never become red hood #and his sense of loyalty to the idea that batman should not kill would not lead him to be upset that bruce did not kill his killer #if tim got brought back to life and his killer was still alive he'd be like 'good batman didn't lose it' #so red hood tim: tired #but if you play with the idea of a tim who is more upset at the loss of his father in whatever accident killed him #orrrr a tim grappling with WHY WAS I BROUGHT BACK and NOT MY LOVED ONES #'if i could come back. why not my father. why not my mother. why not my friends' #that is absolutely wired (to me)

[batfamhyperfixation]

Jason: *just vibing, thinking his thoughts*

Bruce: What?

Jason: What do you mean what?

Bruce: You were smiling

Jason: Am I not allowed to be happy?

Bruce: You are, but that was just, like, an evil smile

Jason: *offended, turning to Dick* Bruce thinks I have an evil smile

Bruce: I don't think you have an evil smile, just that particular smile looked evil

#neither were smiling after this #based on the exact same conversation i had with my mother (ft. my brother in the place of dick) #incorrect batfamily quotes #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #idk why so many adults have a mistrust when it comes to me being silent #they all think im plotting something like dude im just thinking about hyperfixations im not doing anything #like my mom and my grandma both say to my face that they get uncomfortable when i stop talking for a while #ive had my brother come home saying past teachers apparently used to say that they could never tell what i was thinking cause apparently #they thought i had an evil smile too but dude you all were the ones that told me to shut up and the ones that got me in trouble for talking #so i dont know why you get upset when i stop talking like dude i got adhd i have 2 modes 'say every thought in my head' and 'dont say any #thoughts im having out loud' like adhd means I cant filter my thoughts so it is all or nothing so you cant be mad at both states #sorry for that rant #anyway thought that this interaction would fit well with bruce and jason

[vvitchering]

I’m replaying act 1 (for the fifth time) and when Gale is explaining his condition to you he mentions he’s “never told another living soul” about it, except for Tara. You’re telling me this man shut himself up in his tower for an entire year and didn’t tell anyone why and no one ever bothered to find out? He has so few people who care about him in his life that he fell into a depression and disappeared for a year and NO ONE thought to go and check on him and find out what was wrong? He’s had no one but Tara providing help and support until he meets Tav???????

#I’m just #this is my Astarion run but holy shit GALE #like no wonder he’s a little bit insane #how isolated has he been his whole life that he has no one but his cat who cares enough to take care of him #the way he speaks about his mother I thought they’d be pretty close but even she never found out about the orb?? #either she shrugged off her brilliant son turning into a depressed recluse or she never bothered to check on him at all #and tbh Gale might not even realize that’s Not Ideal #maybe he’s always been held at a distance by his family #I have hcs about this actually #anyway that fucked me up this time #the way he begs tav for help finding items to feed the orb like he’s fully expecting to be shot down and left behind #ughhhhhhh I am Upset about the wizard again friends #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #I didn’t even go into how Mystra also abandoned him at the same time #so he was going through a break up and a crisis of faith and being a human bomb all at once #🥲

[isfjmel-phleg]

🫥

*it cut off my last tags which were: I don't know what I can do about this but in the meantime it's a struggle

#random personal stuff #back on my soapbox feel free to ignore #okay so I have been struggling a bit in the Sunday school class that I am being taken to #which is not surprising because I have been struggling socially in this church for the past year #it's a women's class taught by the pastor's wife but not all the women in the church are in it #most of them are middle-aged/elderly #what we're learning is perfectly fine #I appreciate that they're going through an epistle and not lecturing us on How To Be Good Wives and Mothers #but the other women will chime in with their thoughts in between discussions of doctrine #and it will be things like empty little slogans #(such as 'Choose joy!' or 'GodisgoodallthetimeandallthetimeGodisgood') #(not that there isn't any truth in those but they're used tritely) #or What The Lord Did For Me (or: My Life Is Perfectly Peachy) #or things that suggest their faith is all about never being upset by anything ever because you Have Peace #and I kind of wonder if this is a generational thing #because sometimes I'll call my mom with something that's troubling me #and she'll tell me things to the effect of 'just don't feel that way' #or 'ask the Lord to take it away' #which is kindly meant but ultimately ineffective in my experience #but anyway I'm sure these women mean what they say yet at the same time it just...feels insincere to me #as if as Christians we're just supposed to paste smiles on our faces and never have negative feelings #I'm not saying we should all come to class and dispense our personal dramas #but it feels like we're showing up and performing Niceness #and not allowing room for anything that isn't Easy Answers Positivity #and I sit there feeling like there's a huge invisible brick wall around me #and I'm sure that's a me problem #but...I don't know what I'm trying to articulate here sorry #I guess I don't know how to interact with these people because nothing seems real #and we can progress no further than the smallest of small talk because heaven forbid we let our real honest selves slosh over in public #and it's draining!

[h-doodles]

truly not sorry but once again thinking abt miranda/mc/mia in RL. i need them SO bad. like, 2 of the most morally unsound persons (Mia & Miranda) + their little meow meow. Knowing both are so possessive and destructive (TO OTHERS) when they love and instead of running, fully embracing the chaos of it. Loving them despite their delusions of grandeur, the crimes, the secrets, and the deaths (+ undeaths) caused (or ordered!) by their hands. Acknowledging this is fucked up but you can't help it. Lovingly bitching abt their fights but fully done and gone to do anything else but to soothe and continue loving them, because after all those years of waiting and doing and redoing everything to be perfect was worth it for this.

also did i mention being their little meow meow. sorry Miranda, MC was the original gremlin in the relationship and Mia being the fucked up feral racoon she is now is not solely by her doing, MC was and IS the enabler in both relationships that it bled over sm and OUGHJJJJJHHHHhhhh im being so emo abt three (3) women being utter menaces frfr

#sorry but i truly love it when corruption didnt spread #it was in there all along #ALSO GOD. sorry but RL Miranda/Mia happened once to me in my brain. Dreamt abt one loop that they get so fucked up drunk they slept together #and like. they didnt process it until MC comes back fr and sees the unresolved vibe #miranda's screaming shaking crying throwing up when mia alludes to it in front of mc and mc is like. huh. good for u actually. #mia: so u dont mind? that we fucked once???? #mc: babe did u forget the stint of us fucking drunk before i met miranda. i expected u guys to do it more actually. #miranda: you WHAT. WHAT. WHAT. #mc: dont worry my love i truly do love and adore u!!!! and i wouldnt mind if u wanted to bring mia in really #mc (inside her mind): my god. these bitches gay. #mc (still inside her mind): miranda doesnt know mia's a menace when she's starting to fall and mia doesn't know mira's circling her either. #mc: god i love u both but u need to opem ur eyes really. my god. #then i woke up #and thought. hey. if this was plausible eva gets to have three (3) mommies fr and IM upset its not real ekdbdofjd #anyways dreams were sponsored by cinder's re8 harem fic #thank u cinder <3 #resident lover #mother miranda #mother miranda x reader #mia winters #mia winters x reader #mother miranda x mia winters #mother miranda x mia winters x reader #personal.txt #clown.txt #simp.txt

[symphonyofsilence]

Learning about the Yunmeng Shuangjie and the Nieyao drama through Wei Wuxian's and Nie Mingjue's points of view.

#'AITA for avoiding my brother like the plague after being back from the dead after learning he's been looking for me this whole time #And denying him an explanation about how & why I accidentally killed our BIL & started a massacre that resulted in our sister's death #And orphaned our nephew. And talking back to him and telling him off instead of even looking slightly apologetic #when he berates me for telling our nephew whom I accidentally orphaned he lacks maternal education? #And then without even saying so much as a hi to my brother when entering his home bringing a stranger #(that I've been spending all my time with instead of going home and giving an explanation to the brother that has suffered so much bc of me #Bc it was the easier thing to do) #To his ancestral shrine and then teaming up with my boyfriend to beat him up in his own ancestral shrine when he gets upset? #And then telling him that all I did for him (& kept from him) was bc I owed his family and then leaving him behind bleeding #metaphorically & literally (both bc of me) and not even asking him how he is before running to fuck in the bushes with my boyfriend? #*sigh* I thought Jiang Cheng would always be on my side and Lan Wangji opposite us.' #'AITA for making numerous attempts on the life of my marginalized sworn brother and ex-subordinate who has risked his life saving mine #& kicking him down the stairs & offending his mother & going to kill him again #after I told him why he won't just kill himself for the betterment of the world after he refused #To risk his life & safety doing something he had no authority to do after he tried to explain his situation to me?' #mdzs #cql #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #chen qing ling #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #wei wuxian #wei ying #jiang cheng #yunmeng shuangjie #jiang wanyin #yunmeng bros #twin heroes of yunmeng

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[soldier-poet-king]

U know when ur brain is Like That and whatever it is you have to eat is suddenly Illegal???

#the duality of fran #ughhhhh i am upset with myself #i have issues with leftovers. just generally #so mostly i only ever cool things i can tolerate as leftover #i have the last batch of that pumpkin soup #that i do NOT want to eat and its all gross and it's not like. rotten #but trying to force myself to eat it sounds like hell rn #but also guilt complex abt food yknow???? #im not doing anyonr any favours by just skipping lunch bc my brain hates the thought of it rn #i think. I'm just gonna have to toss it. eaf a granola bar (i always carry some for this reason) #and then. try to forgive myself. eat a proper dinner #i think i hate depression food obessions more than i hate the actual depression sometimes #ughhh and i have to meal plan #i go insane if i eat the same thing always but i also get so nervous trying new foods #bc my mother lives in my brain and yells at me anytime anything turns out bad or where i cant force myself to eat it #i only ever try things that im 90% sure I'll like #And still. #unfortunately. i am realizing my mother left me with major food anxieties #just not in the usual ED way. i got the guilt complex food waste if i don't clear my plate im sinning way #if leftovers go bad? or produce molds before i can use it? im satan incarnate #BUT ONLY ME. EVERYONE ELSE IS FINE. THIS STANDARD ONLY APPLIES TO ME

[britneyshakespeare]

10 words every girl wants to hear

"jared, you have been evicted from the big brother house."

#blue kim don't interact #text post #bb25 #blue kim can't interact bc she's in the big brother house #jared is really puttin his own mama to shame in national television. ooohhhh girlllll #yeah i read the spoiler. im upset about him being... obviously safe this week 🙄 #kaily said after we finished watching the last episode: 'matt is cirie's son now' #shes so right #i didnt know i was gonna like matt so much 🥺 geez louise... #it's not enough for him to be easily the most beautiful person in the house... he also has to be a sweetie pie and a good player #i didnt know how i felt about him at first but i really really love him now. what he did for JAG!!! #i was feeling indifferent towards jag but he's grown on me as alliances have shifted #get jared and blue out before jury please. please. #cirie will have so much less to worry about if she doesn't have to worry about his dead weight #he's truly just leeching off of his mother's protection #and the edit is making him look so ok when he's out here being a jerk and a misogynist on the live feeds #HE AND BLUE ARE BOTH CHEATING ON PEOPLE OUT IN THE REAL WORLD??? NAHHHH CBS NAH YOU ARE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS A CUTE SHOWMANCE #in conclusion matt klotz is the first athlete i have ever cared about in my life

[witheringmenhera]

mom: then don't eat it

me: ok i won't

mom: 😯

#personal #my mother ordered panda express #she didn't ask me to choose so she just ordered w/e #i was upset about it #but i won overall #but shes pissed at me but shell eat leftovers tomorrow #sooo no dinner

[dipyronegirl]

thinking (and rewatching..) inside job again and i dont think rand is that bad of a father? i mean, he made a lot of mistakes and he doesn’t even feel bad ab it, even tho he traumatized reagan and a lot, but he was never absent. he acts like he cared ab reagan’s career just bc it could help his career, but that’s not true. he pushes her to be the best all the time and it’s bad, but he genuinely cares ab her so much. and the whole ‘creating crises to force her to hang out w him’ thing is fucked up, but it’s cute that he just wants to hang out w her that bad. most fathers literally don’t care enough ab their kids to do any of that. most fathers don’t even know their kids as much as he knows her. maybe my standards are just insanely low, probably, but he’s a better parent than 90% of the parents i know

#not just fathers. my standards aren’t lower for fathers than they are for mothers yk. they’re both low #he’s a better parent than my mom #he raised her being completely emotionally neglecting and putting so much pressure on her to be the genius she is #but i mean #my mom was just as emotionally neglecting as he was. i like telling the story ab how she had me stitch up my own wound when i was 8 #and always mocked me for being ‘weak’. exactly like toxic masculinity except that we’re both girls. i couldn’t have feelings yk #rand isn’t as toxic as her when it comes to that. he neglects her feelings and even mocks them too but she still seemed allowed to Have them #if my mom thought i was being ‘weak’ she would scream at me ab how much she wished i had never been born. he doesn’t do that!!!! #like when she didn’t wanna skip 4th grade. if that were me my mom would have made me feel so guilty for being born #like i had to skip grades and actively pretend (i’m talking real acting here) to not be upset or she’d go on her rants #ab how life is difficult and depressing for everyone and i gotta swallow it and like it cause she sacrificed her happiness and health for me #cause my being born made her life so hard etc etc #i don’t think rand make reagan feel like her continuing existence kept him from being happy or healthy #my mom started blaming her diabetes on me when i was 10. #like im not fucking kidding #cause my expensive private school (that she forced me to go to all my life cause it was semi boarding so i had someplace to stay all day and #so she didn’t need to leave me home alone) made her work too much which made her stressed which made her eat more so being diabetic was a #sacrifice she made for my future #that’s just how it was #inside job #text

[mollypaup]

growing up around narcissists is easy btw you just have to kill any part of yourself that has ever wanted anything at all either small or significant and also the part of you that thinks your feelings are important.

#i spent a lot of time with my mother and sister yesterday and it Stressed Me Out in a very specific way that i haven't endured in a while #that thing you did was embarrassing and socially inappropriate and upsetting to me personally #unfortunately the deeply habitual dissociative response has grabbed hold of my brain #so i am struggling not to get sucked out of the mental airlock my brain opened because this is not a healthy way to deal with this