#and now im like is it just a me thing???

[cantsaythetword]

Anyone else get REALLY strong platonic crushes??????

Like you know for a FACT you're not into this person BUT you can't help but want them to like you and want to be around them and get nervous talking to them and think about them heaps???

Or is that just social anxiety lmao

#he speaks #tho i don't get it around absolutely everyone #just certain people... #tho it happens a LOT #i think i just pick one or two people per 'generation' or 'location' of friendship (does that make sense as a term???) #to be like THESE ONES I WANT THESE ONES #everyone would be great #BUT i want those ones specifically #got 2 at the moment and it KILLS me every time #my gf pointed it out lmao she was like 'you've got a friend crush on *insert person* don't you' #and im like... shit... yeah i do... #and now im like is it just a me thing???

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[gibbearish]

love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking

#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire #'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem #the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted #also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out #so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my #notifs page cleanish lol #also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3 #secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because #of investors bankrolling everything #and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest #however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point #once again. so many murder dollars #so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction #anyways . love yall 💕 #origibberish #bigger gibbers

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out. #and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day? #or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

[gayvampyr]

this might be a hot take but i actually don’t think humans were meant to know what is going on in everyone’s lives all over the world every second of the day and constantly be available for conversations or collaborations or call-ins for work and texts and phone calls and social media posts without end. i think we were supposed to just help the people around us and spend time with our family and friends and eat yummy bread and berries and relax

#‘did you know x celebrity did this thing and now they’re getting cancelled?’ no. why does that concern me #idgaf about celebrities #and like. mental exhaustion and guilt are not good or sustainable substitutions for real help and activism #sometimes it’s ok to just. unplug and worry about your own life #im not saying you should stop caring but you also shouldn’t guilt yourself to death over something you have zero control over #text post #top posts #5k #20k #30k #40k #50k #60k #70k

[suntails]

toot toot!

#breaking my streak of dramatic af captions bc look at this. look at it. wtf was i supposed to call it. he's tootin whaddya want from me #he go TOOT TOOT on his lil trumpet i fuckgjn LOVE HIM im maxing this card im serious #lvl 60 10/10 no expense is too much for my precious boy #i found a new brush that has this rly soft charcoal vibe and i used it on this whole thing and it was SEXY it was HEAVEN #it was fun for coloring too!!! and the outfit colors are fun to color OUGHH everything made just for me <3 feeling SILLY #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #his bunny outfit sweeps like im sorry but its the best card of the event and its not even fucking close #suntails #i did one 10-pull bc i wanted the paint bonus from epel's card even tho i HATE that card #and i instead got SUPER lucky and got deuce and NO epel!!! i couldnt be fucking happier #then my job interview today never called and i was miserable again but it was an internal issue and im now rescheduled for next week #so please dear god pls guys pray i get this job. i want it sooooo bad

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I think this is the funniest fucking notifications I've ever gotten in Morrowind.

#kanny says things #i have no idea which mod i have installed thats telling me im on my period #i installed most of these mods YEARS ago and i just recently got the urge to play again #so i dont even remember like 90% of the mods i have installed #im literally just in the middle of turning in some mages guild quests #and practicing a few spells #and now i guess my pussy decided to activate #morrowind #the elder scrolls

[obsob]

oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!

#mine #cats #i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway #ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things #me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun #i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph #like we dont need to be doing all that #as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice #anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is #whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling #have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3 #its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK #there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong #i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3 #ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason #still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies #anyway. i am going 2 bed

[umblrspectrum]

hi heres art so you pay attention to me now go read the tags

#ive been rewatching episode 7 like its the only thing on youtube and made note of many things #first off. the solver can only have one host. nori mentions skyn wants to kill off all the other solver hosts (with the dds) and disregards #the idea of both uzi and doll being its current host when they get chased #plus the main solver possessions only occur when skyn is out of the picture (the fightt in ep 7 is only after n decapitates “tessa”) #solver uzi is possible too but i dont count her cause she doesn't have the yellow #personal theory is that its more an instinctual response to overheating or something and not full on possession #second off nori calls the solver cyn. how does she know that name #cyn was on earth and only showed up to copper 9 recently and i presume nori's been here her whole life #it probably wasn't the other dds cause none of them made it down and they're all more savage beasts #since cyn specifies n's team retained their personalities and that makes me think the other teams didnt #also also we should've immediately questioned tessa arriving in the same type of pod as the mds when they were revealed to not be sent by j #im running out of characters also the people who dont like when i use tags like this can bite me #murder drones #murder drones nori #artori? that sounds cool #ill probably just stick with nori though #i have so many solver heart refs now #art #episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 #murder drones episode 7 spoilers #using the same black for shadows as my lineart doesn't work when i have to draw thin things over it #murder drones spoilers

[ashh-tree]

aro/ace themed valentine's day teddy bears ^^ because i just recently found out i might be arospec but also just cuz like..... why not

#this may be out of character for me because just a few weeks ago i strongly disliked valentine's day lmao #now that i know im probably some kinda flavor of aro? i.. dunno how to feel #how i feel about the holiday is complicated #while i still dont like the romantic aspect of it.. at least i dont find myself rolling my eyes at valentine's themed stuff as much anymore #idk maybe i'll go back to disliking the holiday next year who knows lol #i guess its just the catharsis i suppose.. #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #arospec #lgbtq #valentine's day #valentine's #teddy bear #digital art #art #ashton draws things

[theonewhowails]

silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is

bonus? lmao

#my art #cotl #i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease #hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty #like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years #like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit #and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii #its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how #gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this

[robotpussy]

#polls #personally i dont like it but thats only because i dont like fandom. the type of stuff that gets the most attention #in fandom usually just annoys me idk. how to explain it in a way that wont come off as me saying #fanfic or whatever is evil its just the fact that it just bombards alot of the conversations? #i prefer it when the thing i like has 10 fans and theyre all on one message board or forum #like for example mtvs downtown is getting popular but apart from annoying #'me and the mid nerd guy i copped by being weird and sexy' posts its not awful.... #but then smth like... clone high or smth i suddenly cant remember ppl just got so annoying abt that show?? #like i cant stand it i dont even bother watching it anymore plus its just weird to me now like i can't watch it regardless #im just rambling but personally i do not like it. like i dont want what i like to get a revival #i dont want anything new! i just want to enjoy the thing and move on 😭 #fandom seems to prioritize shipping and memes over evaluating or simply just enjoying something! #this goes for anything. music film tv books....

[b4kuch1n]

podcast people in my phone

#sherlock and co #s&co #sherlock holmes #john watson #mariana ametxazurra #been messin around with this piece for like over a week now. I think this is just mostly to have a general pointer of their design in my #''proper'' style. literally named this file cover.png in my folders lmao #I feel like it isnt as candycore as the chibi version. but its still at a level of colors Im happy with. thats good for me #love giving john watson the default medium-size v-neck when canonically he wears like exclusively merch tees #(maybe its under the v-neck lets all believe that) #anyways. things are moving! lotsa stuff I cant show anyone but my coconspirators... but Im sitting on. Some stuff #gettin there with work... settin up stuff... being insane in march.... da whole package #gonna be having. a real interesting week soon. we'll see what comes of it! #but for now. I sleep. have a good night lads! look both ways before crossing the street

[the-kipsabian]

saw a take so fucking rancid on twitter i almost deleted the entire app from my phone jesus fucking christ

first of all ao3 is an archive site. this is like going to the library and saying "oh i dont like this" on every piece of media you find that you dislike and thinking they should be stamped with some sort of a marker just cause you didnt like it

you can always click back and leave. fic writers owe you nothing to explain themselves and their creations. if they have mistagged or miscategorized fics, then i understand, however there are report tools for that instead of yelling at the artist tbh

im not saying free works arent necessarily above criticism. but this is just. fucking wild. its common courtesy to just enjoy stuff (or fucking leave if you dont, the back button is free) and if the artist specifically asks for critiques, then give one - constructive that is, shitting all over someones work is not proper criticism, mind you

i just find it fucking wild people are treating art and archive sites as social media these days like this and everything needs to be policed and ~catered to the algorithm~ like. no. ao3 doesnt have an algorithm. you should be able to fucking tell what you like and what you dont like and steer away from that kind of content and let people fucking be with their art. they dont owe you anything (except trigger warnings i'd argue, but i know some people disagree with that as well for some reason), and imagine how much more energy you'd have if you only engaged with things you liked and spent time looking at instead of going to places where you dont enjoy yourself. let alone spending time telling other people you dont enjoy what they enjoy. what a fucking life

#like what the fuck #where is the common courtesy of fandoms these days im just fucking asking. its ridiculous #the back button is free. shutting your fucking mouth is free. constructive criticism when people ask for it is nice but only then #these are fucking basic level fandom engagement things #am i old or are people just this fucking awful now that these guidelines dont exist anymore #im just. ough #sorry i had to get this out. idk as someone who has never left unsolicited advice for anyone and never gotten it back it just #it fucking grinds me that people are like this now. like fucking wow #ive been here for almost two decades soon and i still know how to behave. yall better fucking learn #im gonna go back to video game sorry i really needed to yell for a hot fucking second #if you choose to reblog this dont fucking clown on it okay. god #night is an absolute mess on main

[strawhatboy]

BESTIES HOW ARE WE FEELING RIGHT NOW

#FINALLY #that fucking loser almost destroyed our country #I cant believe he is finally gone #😭😭😭😭😭😭 #KARMA FINALLY MAKING THINGS RIGHT IM SO SO HAPPY AND SO RELIEVED 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #me and karma vibe like that #🥺🤪😌🥳 #now he just have to go to jail 😌😌 #brazil #brazilian elections