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iouinotes · 3 months

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Heroic Betrayal | Luke Castellan (part 1)

SPOILER FOR THE PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS SERIES AND THE BOOKS

pairing: Luke Castellan x female!reader

show: Percy Jackson and the Olympians

warnings: dark!character, betrayal, implied sexual content, heavy angst, kidnapping

word count: 5,8k

summary: When Luke switches to the dark side, he tries everything possible to win you for him.

a/n: so as the show comes to an end (dont cry dont cry dont cry), I thought I would finally post this :)))

read part 2 here

"I'll find you!" his voice echoes through the forest, my laughter much louder than I intend to. But that´s just how it always goes. It's our own little tradition.

Every year when the camp starts again and we meet after the holidays passed, we play hide and seek in the dangerous forest of the half-blood camp. The creatures usually don't come across our path, in recent years it has rarely happened, that we actually had to defend ourselves against them.

Once it was an angry dryad, who threw branches at me (she had a crush on Luke and wanted revenge, but since I could understand her feelings and felt sad for her, we sorted it out).

Another time we were spotted by some camp members, who made fun of us, but Luke must have said something to them later, because we haven't been bothered by these troublemakers since.

It is always the same pattern, but each time there is still something special about it. We have grown, became more mature (I think), and have more and more experience about the struggles in life.

So being able to just let go for a few moments and being completely alone with him is probably the best thing to keep myself sane (even if he drives me a little bit crazy with the love I hold for him).

But a lot has changed recently.

It all started when rumors spread, that Zeus' lightning bolt had been stolen by Poseidon's son. And then the most supportive, bravest, sassy kid in the world showed up here. Percy Jackson. Ever since I met him, even though it's not his fault, there's been war going on. The gods are angry, the monster attacks became worse and again, rumors about the oldest, most powerful titan Kronos reached the camp.

It scared and frightened many people, including me. That's why we've been training harder and stay awake, even when the stars are shining, so that we can prepare for any catastrophe. To be able to fight.

My mother is the goddess Demeter, my father a simple man. I adore them both, even though my mother isn't one of my closest contacts. But I never really held that against her, because at least she decided to acknowledge me as her daughter. After all, it's a privilege that not everyone gets. My siblings and friends at camp are important to me, but the world is changing and so is everything around it.

The only stability I have left is my boyfriend Luke.

If I had to rely on one person in the whole world (and by that I also mean the underworld), it would be him.

He's been my best friend since I arrived at this camp. We've been together through ups and downs, I know every side of him and he knows everything about me too. Many of the people here are like blank pages to me, but not him. He is like my favorite book, that lays open to me and allows me to read each letter individually. Just as I know every of his dreams, every secret, every truth and every lie. He is my protector, my hero in every dark night and every bright day. Without him, I don't even know who I am. He is a part of me and my heart wouldn't be whole without him.

I watched him grow up. From the small, thin boy whose eyes hid so much pain and sadness to the strong, soulful leader he is today.

His beauty cannot be influenced by anything, he is like my very own sun, without him I could not survive.

I wouldn't want it any other way though.

Now, I'm hiding behind a tree with my back pressed against the bark and I am able to hear the cracking and swinging of the branches.

I smile so wide, that my cheeks start to hurt, when I hear his voice calling. My heart is beating in my throat, but it's not just the adrenaline of not getting caught. It's because of my love for him, which is so strong that sometimes I'm afraid of it. But only in the moments when I realize that nothing, but him is my biggest flaw. I think I would do anything for him.

Then I concentrate again and listen to the sounds around me. But his voice has fallen silent and I don't hear his footsteps anymore.

My eyebrows furrow, confused I try to look around the tree and search for an orange t-shirt. Likely together with his slim body, biceps, beautiful face and wonderful personality.

But when I want to withdraw again, it's already too late. A branch breaks behind me and before I can move I'm pushed against the tree from behind.

I immediately feel his body against mine, hear the laughter in his voice and listen to his strained breathing. His hands wrap around my body and turn me towards him, so that we are now face to face.

He's taller than me and as I look up, I feel the familiar fluttering feeling in my chest. I am so in love with him.

He grins triumphantly at me and I lean against the tree, smiling kindly.

"Found you, princess." The light reflects in his brown eyes and some of his curls are laying wildly on his head. He looks like an angel.

"I made it easy for you." My voice teases him and when he leans in so close to me, that our lips almost touch, I forget how to think properly. A habit I can't change. He's just so captivating.

"Yeah? You think I wouldn't have found you otherwise? Funny. I remember that in the last few years, I always was the winner of our little game." His lips brush mine, I want nothing more than to kiss him. But he knows that, which is why he slowly pulls back, when I start to lean forward.

When I want to complain, he puts his hand around my waist and pulls me into his chest. My knees almost give out, I feel so intoxicated by his presence.

"I-I wanted you to find me." My voice whispers quietly.

His eyebrows rise in mock surprise.

"Then I guess, I can claim my prize without feeling bad." In the next second, his lips are on mine and I'm unable to do anything, other than kissing him back. I wrap my arms around his neck and enjoy the warmth that radiates from him. He sets my heart on fire.

While pushing me against the tree, I've completely forgotten about, he lets his hands wrap possessively around my waist. Digging his nails into my hips, to keep me grounded. Otherwise, I would probably get lost in those sensations.

Luke kisses in a way, like it's the last time he'll have the chance. (As if I would ever want to keep him from doing that).

He's passionate, my body feels like it's on fire and the heat inside me feels so good, that I want more. I can never get enough of him and he knows it. He grins against my lips, but he doesn't break the kiss. I think he secretely loves knowing how much he can mess with me, with just a few kisses.

My hands find his hair and pull him closer to me, our chests touch and his breathing mingles with mine.

It is wonderful and so precious, I would refuse any gift from the gods just to be close to him.

When he pulls away from me, our bodies are still close. My eyes open and look dreamily into his, our gazes reflect a familiarity and love that is like nothing I have ever experienced.

He smiles at me, pushes a stray strand of hair behind my ear and leans himself against me. His fingers stroke the exposed skin of my pulled-up shirt.

"I've missed you." If my heart hasn't melted before, it has now. I give him a kiss on the cheek and hug him, we stand in our embrace for a moment. Enjoying each other's closeness, the calm feeling until the next chaotic situation happens.

"Now we are together again. Only that matters." It's quiet around us and when I close my eyes for the second time, I hear his fast heartbeat. I have to supress a smile.

The wind is the only thing I hear until his voice breaks the silence.

"Something will happen soon. Something big." The peaceful atmosphere is threatened by his words and when I look at his face again, I see his worried eyes.

I sigh, but then nod to agree with him. "I thought about that too, it feels different. Like something is coming our way, that we can't control."

His fingers stroke my cheek and for a moment, his face holds an expression, that I can't understand. It resembles regret.

But before I can ask him about it, he smiles tenderly at me again.

"Nothing will separate us. The world is just a game. It's a matter of time and making the right moves." That is his motto. But I'm not always convinced of this. Even though I trust him to do the right thing.

"I'm just worried we'll get seperated, you know? Evil can be sneaky and traitors always exist. You never know who you can trust." Something I said must have really bothered him, because he looks like I just stabbed him.

This time I ask him about it.

"What's on your mind? You can tell me. Two people who worry about something are better, than one who is alone with it." I take his hand and stroke his skin, it feels cold even though we have summer.

"Nothing, just- I don't want to lose you. I couldn't be here without you. I need you. I mean...I-I love you. You know that I would do anything to keep us together, right?"

His words surprise me. I know he loves me. I can sense that, everyone probably does. But he has never worn his heart on his sleeve and the three magical words only come out of his mouth on special occasions. The fact that he's telling me now surprises me.

"Of course. I trust you. We will survive together, I know that. Are you worried because of the rumors about the Titan King?" This topic is always very critical and he usually doesn't like to talk about it, but this time I decide to address it directly.

"He will come. I just want you to be safe, when it happens." He sounds so confident it gives me goosebumps.

"Perhaps. His followers will definitely try. But love is stronger than anything else. Especially our love. We will get through it." He doesn't look convinced, so I turn his face towards mine and kiss him.

My voice sounds soft, when I speak again.

"Luke, I love you. I could never leave you. Not even the King of the Underworld will be able to keep us apart. I promised to be by your side in every moment of our lives. You are my soul and without it I am damned."

This seems to reassure him, but I feel like he's not telling me something of great importance. But I don't want to push him, I know he will tell me when the time comes.

He always does.

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

As the day comes to an end, I say goodnight to my siblings and report for my night watch duty. The situation has been a lot more worse the recent weeks. Kronos exists, my worst fear was confirmed. And he is building an army, that is so strong that it will be difficult to fight against it. But what I'm really worried about are the rumors about our people, who have also joined his cause.

Nobody knows who, the spies have been hiding ever since. I've never felt like I was paying more attention to my words than I am now. The only person I don't have to hold back to is Luke.

But even with him I notice the effects of the bad news. The circles under his eyes are darker than ever and his nerves are so frayed, that every little thing makes him want to explode. His temper is hanging by a thread, that is increasingly threatening to break. And I'm trying everything to prevent this.

No matter if I try it by making him laugh (which has become difficult), massaging his tense shoulders, trying to kiss him to the point of forgetfulness (usually it's the other way around) or when he takes out his frustration by burying himself deep inside me. With every thrust of his hips, I feel him relax, his hand so tight around my body as if I would run away, if he didn't hold me close enough.

He's changing and I'm trying my best to maintain his good sides. That he doesn't completely lose himself in his responsibilities and the pressure, that he has, because he is a member of the camp council.

Besides, I can't complain, when he fucks me until I can't breathe aynmore and I block out everything around me. When he comes, he whispers the sweetest things in my ear. Even if sometimes they sound so protective, that I could almost come from his voice alone.

When he whispers to me how good I am for him or how much he loves being able to have such a power over me like that - maybe it should scare me, but I trust him like no one else.

My mind concentrated his best for my shift, but when I finally go to bed after quiet some time, my eyes quickly close.

Looking back, I wish I had never let myself sleep that night.

Because, when I close my eyes I see waves. Hear the seagulls screaming in the sky, the fish swimming in the water and the distant cries of strangers.

It's all unusual and the bright light would blind me, if I didn't avert my gaze. And as soon as I do it, I see a ship. It's huge, rust shimmers in the sunrays, the anchor shows that it's been in the same place for a while now.

I feel something pulling me towards it, pushing and burning in my chest, leaving me with a tremor that I can feel, even in my deep sleep.

As I flit through the window like a ghost, I feel paralyzed. My blood freezes, I want to disappear immediately and in my mind I scream at myself to wake up.

But it's no use, whatever is here, someone decided that I have to see it. Only then, my wish will be fulfilled and I can wake up. So, I hide in a corner, there are scratched picture frames above me and broken glass is scattered on the floor. The monsters that loudly crush the glass ahead of me seem unstoppable.

I tremble as I look at at least seven dracaenae, several shaggy hellhounds and set my eyes on gigantes, that take up almost the entire room.

But that is nothing compared to the terror, that grips me when I see my classmates. My friends. People I trusted, who I fought alongside, for who I cared about. People I would have sacrificed myself for. They all betrayed me. And I feel close to tears. When I want to turn away, I hear a voice that almost brings me to my knees.

It's Luke.

My faithful and caring protector, my heroic love. Someone, to which I had dedicated everything. He was my life, with every single breath I took. The motivation behind my every action. The reason I wanted to survive in this cruel world. He was everything I had and everything I will ever have and in that moment it was abruptly taken from me.

I didn't have the strength to concentrate, it was as if every fiber of my body was on fire, triggered by the torment of my suffering heart. Seeing him like that, in black armor, Kronos' silver mark glittering around his neck, instead of his colorful necklace. A stoic, hostile expression on his face, his hands gripping his sword, it all hurt too much to watch.

And as I sank to the floor and covered my eyes with my hands, I was still forced to listen. I couldn't understand why he was saying such things.

"With every day he becomes stronger, with every participation in our army, we become stronger. Everything is planned, the camp is weak. Just like all of its residents. The surprise is on our side, because we will show no mercy. We will kill anyone, who does not confess to us. Do you hear me? No hostages will be taken. Only Hades population will be expanded."

The screams around me are so loud, so angry and horrific that I feel tears running down my cheeks.

I don't want to see any of that. The person infront of me is not my Luke.

A kind of fog creeps around me and I feel cold, it seems too late to forget it now. When I notice the golden coffin and Lukes hunched posture, the scar on the side of his face, I realize he is praying to him.

To the fall of Olympus. Kronos.

I want to cry, to scream, to be angry - but I just feel like every part of my heart is breaking and will never be whole again. Luke will never again be the one to heal it.

My consciousness leaves the ship until I finally wake up, but I can't move at first. I feel lost, my muscles are stiff and after a few seconds I notice that I'm shaking. But it's not because I'm cold, the summer air is wafting in the air.

Such dreams are rare, but are like the own scary predictions of the future.

And then it comes all back so me, the memories, that have just turned my whole life upside down. Traitor. The word appears in my mind, I feel like I almost can't breathe. And then there is a finger on my cheek, gently stroking the skin and my chest immediately becomes warm.

I know this gesture.

When I open my eyes, I see his loving eyes and the smile that covers his mouth makes my heart clench in sorrow.

It was just a nightmare. Luke would never betray me.

But the whispers in my head say otherwise.

As we continue to look at each other in silent, I notice his furrowed eyebrows.

"What's wrong, my love? Did you have a nightmare? You look scared. Don't be afraid, I'm here. I will always protect you." His voice is so calm, so usual loving and it makes the butterflies in my stomach fly around like crazy.

He is so beautiful.

As he briefly turns his head to tighten the blanket around me, I see his side profile and the scar. Reminders of my dream crash onto me like a lightning strike from Zeus himself.

I sat up abruptly. Luke is a servant of our enemy. How could I ignore that? I feel like I'm almost starting to hyperventilate. The thought, this nightmare, Luke's appearance, this evil feeling - it makes me sick. And I'm suddenly so afraid, more than I have ever been in my life. But I can't tell if it's the fact that I just found out he joined Cronos' army or that he broke my heart doing so.

I see him tense, my panic seems to be affecting him too.

My thoughts are so confusing, I don't know what to do, I have to tell someone. I have to-

His hands find their way to my cheeks, cupping them gently to direct his gaze towards himself. I would have preferred not to look at him, but I have no choice. His eyes search mine.

Then, as if the weight of Atlas punishment was put on his shoulders, he lowers them. His lips tremble slightly and his eyes look at me, as if I am the most valuable thing in the world and he is about to lose it.

"You know it." He doesn't have to say what he means by that. We both know.

I want to break away from him, but he won't let me. He's always been much stronger.

But everything still feels so different, light surrounds us and I can't really feel my body.

"Listen to me, please. I can explain it. Please-" The world goes silent, before he can finish his sentence.

It is too much.

I stifle a scream. I want to jump out of bed, but his hands hold me close. I only manage to fall to the ground, breathing heavily, but his arms are much stronger and I'm still weakened by my dream. He trys to hold me in a position, so that his back hugs me. His hands grab mine and one of them covers my mouth to silence me, when I want to scream for help.

With any other person, I would have known what to do. With anyone but him, I could have defended myself without any problems. But it wasn't just anyone and what he had done to me, the betrayal he had committed, was nothing I could handle.

I tried to wriggle out of his grip, to kick him, but the more I cried and the more hysterical I became, the easier it was for him to have control over me.

And for the first time, it scared me.

"Please calm down, I have to explain it to you- you have to know, that I never wanted to deceive you, please-" I notice how his voice is failing and he has to pull himself together, to not to lose his composure.

When I shake his hand away and want to yell again, he grabs my neck with such a warning force, that no sound escapes me.

I tremble in his hold. Tears stream down my cheeks and I literally feel my heart breaking.

Then he starts whispering in my ear and his grip feels like a tragic prison.

"Nobody can know. I never wanted you to find out. Not until I convinced you, that it is the right thing to join him. Because he will win, sweetheart. I want us to win by his side." His voice sounds so confident and at the same time, as if he was a completely different person.

Tears continue running down my face and he slightly let's go of me, so he can comfort me.

"If you would just listen to me, you will understand my actions. Please, just listen to me-" but the world blurs infront of my eyes and I am only able to whisper three words, before darkness surrounds me.

"You betrayed me."

⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️

When I wake up, my head hurts so much, that it takes me several minutes to open my eyes. When I finally do it, I almost have a heart attack.

I recognize the similarity of this room from my dream. When I stand up, I run to the round window and look out, being only able to see the blue sea. Feeling empty and alone.

When I want to step out the door, I expect it to be locked. But instead the handle turns and I step out of the room. I'm so surprised about that, that I'm acting without thinking twice.

As I walk around the next corner, the deck creaks and I see an ugly creature in front of me, that makes every instinct to escape kick in.

I run in the other direction, but every turn makes me more desperate and, without any consideration, I run into the hall, I was so afraid of.

It is filled with all kinds of ciders, and I also see the figures of my classmates, wounded and unhappy.

It's all so overwhelming, that I dont even see him standing on the podium, in the first place.

But as the monsters try to grab me, his voice echoes through the room with an affable authority.

"Nobody touches her. You hear me? Nobody. She is under my protection." I almost freeze into a stature, as he comes towards me and I have no way of avoiding him. No weapon is within my reach, his eyes notice my growing panic.

"Everyone leaves the room. Now." Nobody discusses it, even if some roll their eyes or quietly protest. His authority is unquestioned, it sends a cold shiver down my spine.

When the last doors slam shut, we stand a few meters opposite each other.

"The doors are guarded." It's the first thing he says.

When he tries to approach me, I lose my nerves and run to the corner with the broken glass, that I saw in my dream. I take them in my hands.

I see his eyes widen and he stops in his tracks.

"You- you want to fight me?" He actually sounds surprised and sad. Like I was the one who betrayed him and not the other way around.

"Don't come any closer. I may not have been able to do anything last time, but if you take one step closer then-" I don't know what to say. In no scenario did I ever think, I would have to threaten him.

But despite my warning, he comes towards me with his hands raised, the panic within me so palpable, that I can feel every muscle in my body.

I dodge, when he is only a few meters in front of me. Right into the next corner. As far away from him as possible.

"Princess, you can't keep me away forever. I've always loved that about you. You need me as much as you need to breathe."

It's supposed to sound sweet, but his words make me feel sick

"I'd rather suffocate." He didn't expect that. My words hit him so unexpectedly that he is almost speechless. Almost.

"I won't hurt you. You just have to let me get to you and I'll show you everything. You will understand, believe me." He really thinks, I'll just stay by his side and let him explain.

"Are you crazy? You're a traitor, Luke. You- you betrayed everyone. You betrayed me. How could you do this?" I suppress my tears, because that's exactly what he's waiting for. That my defense becomes weaker. I can't allow this.

"You dont understand. I always told you I would protect you. And I can only do that, if I'm on the winning side. And I am now. We are." His eyes flash with a craziness that makes me tremble. I don't recognize him.

"Why are you acting this way? You are doing the wrong thing - you give up everything. You're giving up on us." Tears leave my eyes and I see him take a few steps in my direction.

"I'm doing the right thing for us. You'll see. You just have to trust me, please. You know I always win. With the power he gives me, I will be invincible. You don't have to worry about one of us dying in this war anymore." I can't move, even if I wanted to, I wouldn't have a way out now. He's too close.

"You are wrong. I would rather die in this war than join this monster and his deceitful army." The shards in my hand hurt, but I don't let them go. They're the only thing I can use to defend myself.

"You would leave me?" His eyes are staring into my soul.

"Would you fight me?" Every word is more intimidating.

"Would you stop loving me?" His words are like his own shards, leaving deep wounds in my heart.

He's standing right in front of me now, looking at me like I'm fragile.

Then he whispers "Would you kill me?"

In the next second, he suddenly has my hands in his, making me drop the glass. Be is only a few centimeters away from me now, his eyes are looking into my own.

"Would you, princess? Then show me." Suddenly he does something, I would have never expected. He takes out his sword and puts it in my hands.

His own hands go behind his back, his eyes tempting me. I feel all the blood in my body drain.

"Do it. I can't live in a world, where you don't love me anymore. In which you are no longer by my side. I am yours. That will never change, just like my love for you."

I can barely hold the sword, it's so wobbly in my hands. He stands in front of me and gives me every chance to defeat him. But I can't move.

It's quiet for a moment, then I see new hope in his eyes and when he speaks again, the tone of his voice melts my heart.

"What did you say a few months ago, you would always let me win? Let's win together this time. Please, just listen to me." His hand strokes my cheek. Wipes away the tears.

Then he drops his hand and grasps his sword, letting it fall to the ground.

He takes my hand instead.

"Follow me." He pulls me behind him, closer and closer to the golden coffin, it's like I'm in a trance, but when I finally feel the cold aura of something cruel, I'm able to think clearly again.

"No-" I don't want to be one step closer to this thing.

He turns around so quickly, that I can only slap his cheek, before he grabs me again.

"That was for kidnapping me. Let me go now!" I want to avoid his grasp. But again he does something I don't expect.

He holds me still, catches my gaze and then, kisses me so gently that the feeling alone makes me almost completely defenseless. His hands cup my cheeks, grip my hair, hold my body.

This is probably his worst trick. I've never been able to resist one of his kisses. And he knows that. He uses it against me.

Then he murmurs words against my lips, that barely reach my ears.

My heart is pounding in my throat.

"You feel this? We belong together. It is not written anywhere on which side we need to be. As long as we are together." His fingers stroke my lower lip, his figure towers over me and for a moment my surroundings fade. It's almost like always.

But he's not wearing his orange t-shirt, his expression isn't relaxed, and I don't hear any insults from the camp members in the distance.

"You're manipulating me." I am powerless against him. I thought we were on the same team, that no one had more power over the other one. But I was so wrong.

His eyebrows furrow again, and when his hands try to pull me against him, I hit his chest, without thinking, with the only piece of glass I hid in my pocket. But unlike I expected, nothing happens. The shard bounces off his skin and falls loudly to the ground. I can only stare at him in disbelief.

"How-" He just looks at me worried, no anger is visible in his eyes.

"You can't hurt me. I have the curse of Achilles upon me." I suddenly become aware of the effect the lake Styx in the underworld hast and I almost fall to the ground at the realization, my knees weaken.

"That was a test earlier. You wanted to see if I would kill you-" my voice fails.

He just looks at me sadly and smiles in regret. My heart becomes heavy.

"And I knew you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. You would never hurt someone you love. Not if you'd kill me in the process." What can I do? He knows me better than anyone, he can see right through my every thought.

"I can't do this, Luke. I-I can't be together with you, if you are like this." I'm serious, but he doesn't believe me.

"That's what you think, but it's a lie. The sooner you admit it to yourself, the more pain you avoid. Our souls are linked together, without me you are not able to live. I know, that you will continue to love me, no matter what I decide to do. That's how much you love me. You would rather die than not loving me."

I can't listen to him. I can't.

But his eyes are like all the promises in the world. He is my world. How could I ever forget that?

"Please come back with me, Luke. I-I won't tell anyone, but please. Let's go, let's forget everything, please-" I cant deal with this anymore. It's like he's draining all the energy out of me. More with every word, that leaves his lips.

"I can not do that. It will stay the way it is now. Don't fight against me, fight with me. You are so smart and loyal, you will be convinced. He will show you." His eyes now flash with something that frightens me. I see his hunger for power, something that has always been dormant within him.

"Luke, the only thing I ever really wanted was you. No power, no war, no prosperity. Only you. But I'm about to lose you. Don´t do this to me, I beg you." My hands find his face, stroke the skin and I look into his eyes. But they are no longer the same ones I fell in love with.

I never thought he would love having power more than he loves me. It breaks my heart.

"I have decided. Nothing will change about that. Not even your pleadings. I'm sorry." His eyes reflect my desperation.

"What's holding you back? All you need is me." He says it so confident, that I almost wonder, why I don´t agree with him.

But my conscience has always been my greatest strength.

"I won't betray them. I couldn't live with myself, if I did." He takes a step back.

"But you could live without me? You would rather be by Jackson's side than mine?" His words hurt me. But he speaks the truth.

"I love you Luke, more than I ever thought was possible. But just as you put power before me, I put loyalty first. And I'm not sorry about that."

Frustration finally seeps through his perfect facade. I wonder how long he's been playing with me. The thought of it makes everything inside me tighten.

"I am not letting you go. Our fate is set. You will recognize it too and when that happens, you will be on my side."

His conviction frightens me, but this time it doesn't freeze me into a statue. Now, I'm running away.

And luckely, he didn't expect that.

For a few minutes now I've noticed one of the windows, that doesn't look very stable. I just have to jump against it to open it.

"NO!" Luke's voice echoes across the room, loud and warning, but it doesn't stop me. Before he can catch up with me, I jump towards the window, my shoulder hurts, but I was right, it breaks.

But I didn't think about the height difference and I realize it might be too late to do something about it now.

As I try to hold on to the wall outside, two thoughts repeat in my mind.

Either I die or I'm trapped.

Then I hear Luke's voice. He sounds desperate and at the same time angry, like I have never heard him before.

The wall is slippery and it takes every bit of strength in me not to fall, I know it would be my death. I hold on to the broken wall.

"She is outside. Get her back, NOW!" My muscles hurt and I don't know what to do. Then I hear the loud beating of wings. Before I can see who it is, I hear Percy's quiet voice. I feel like crying.

"Drop down, I've got you." I have to trust him. So, I let myself fall without thinking.

Then I feel myself landing on something soft, I hold on to it and my knuckles turn white.

The screams and shouts of the monsters make me tremble, I just want to get out of here. Even if it means, that I perhaps will never see Luke again.

"Come on, now. They'll be here soon." As the wings of the Pegasus move towards the sky, towards freedom, I let the tears fall. The wind is beating around my ears and I can only see in the corner of my eyes that we are getting closer to the clouds.

Luke's threatening voice is the last thing I remember as I close my eyes from the grief of leaving him.

#percy jackon and the olympians #luke castellan #x reader #greek gods #love #betrayal #angst #percy pjo #percy series #annabeth chase #percy jackson

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featherwingfae · 2 months

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Gonna try to make this a "Quick post".

(warning some light swearing)

Maybe, just maybe one of the reasons we're seeing so many new Therians nowadays is because humans have fucked up the earth so bad that the universe just went fuck it and threw in a bunch of nature brains to balance things out. People who wouldn't just be able to look at the devastation of wildlife and their homes and just move on like nothing happened. Because they can see themselves in those creatures, and it hurts them to know that they are suffering. And maybe if there's enough nature brains, seeing themselves in the withering world around them, then more and more people might stand up and say this isn't right. We need to fix this. And maybe in a human world where one of the most lovely traits of humanity is being able to work together a bunch of nature brains with human faces can make a difference. They say animals can't speak human. Well they can, and are. Maybe Therians are the voices of nature coming out from the wilds, to places and bodies where they're not comfortable, where the air is heavy with pollution and trash litters the ground. And they have to learn weird shit like math, and work exhausting jobs that are often just to pay the bills that allow them to keep surviving. All so that they can see the damage from the other side and better understand the problem and together find solutions to stop it.

I'm not saying humans (and others) can't and/or dont do anything. I'm saying it's harder to do nothing when you look at creatures suffering and see yourself. Empathy is a beautiful thing. It helps connect us. But in a world where almost no one can afford the barest minimum just to survive. Where finding happiness feels like a struggle because you're constantly grinding and pushing yourself beyond your mental, emotional and/or physical boundaries, how easy is it to just shut yourself off. To put on the blinders because you're stuck yourself and you don't feel like there's anything you can do, so why upset yourself further by caring. It's sad. Terribly sad. Soul crushingly, heart wrenchingly sad.

Most people nowadays suffer from anxiety, depression or some other mental illness. And yes those illnesses are more known and understood now, and are more easily diagnosed. But I think the reason we see them everywhere now, is as simple as everyone is suffering. The human world in its current state, is not a healthy place. Fun times are often merely distraction from the crushing reality around us. It hurts to accept how much hurt there is right now.

I'm not saying it's all on the shoulders of Therians. I'm not saying you have to quit your job or your school and run off into the wild picking up every piece of litter and chaining yourself to trees. That's not what this post is about.

This post is about the increase of Therians and my personal hypothesis as to why there's so many now. And it's as simple as this. One Therian does not shoulder all the burden of the earth. Just as one human does not. But if there are Therians in schools, going "hey look at this little/big guy isn't he cute/cool" showing their friends and classmates"it's so sad he's going extinct because his home is being destroyed" , Therians on trails, streets, beaches seeing litter and using just a little bit of their time to remove at least some of it. Therians in stores refusing to buy certain products because of animal cruelty/testing, Therians manifesting/praying to help even if it's just a little bit, Therians on the Internet/TV spreading awareness, Therians in government actually trying to do what's best for the environment and the people, instead of just what's best for their bank account etc etc.

In reference to that horrible math stuff, a million ones together doesn't equal nothing. No matter how small an act it still adds up to something. Therians everywhere means more people who can't forget, who can't move on, who can't just shutdown and hope for the best. People who feel like they have to do something. So they don't eventually see themselves disappear (go extinct).

The universe and the earth can sometimes have a funny way of balancing things out. Maybe Therians are one way to at least try regaining that balance.

I'm overjoyed to see more Therians. Because I feel like more Therians means more voices for nature, and more chances to save this beautiful planet ☺️✨🌍🌎🌏💚

Anyway that's my two cents. Sorry this post ended up being longer than I intended 😅

And now my fascinating and fantastic creatures, great and small, furry, feathered, scaled or whatever-ed, and all others of open mind who took time to read my ramblings, I wish upon you a most glorious day/night. May we all follow our hearts/souls to do what we feel we can for this magnificent planet. ✨

👁️🪽✨🌟🌱❄️🪻🍀🌎🍄🌹💚🌍🌵🌈⛈️🌠🦊🐁💙

Till next time

#nonhuman #nature #otherkin #therian #therianthropy #stop therian hate #alterhuman #alterhuman community #kintypes #Therians For Nature #otherkin thoughts #alterhuman things #faerie kin #fae kin #Fae kin thoughts #Therian love

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its-the-sa · 4 months

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Different anon. God just boiling down the slugcats to 'animals' angers me in a way I didn't think I could be angry. Yes, they are animals, but by all means they are cognitive and understand complex emotions, communicate with a supposedly complex language, are able to be taught to do things. Why else would the iterators use them as messengers constantly? It's not like they're messenger pigeons where it's just going from point A to point B, they understand exact instructions. If this was just some random animal, making groans and grunts, they wouldn't be able to understand what Five Pebbles even meant when he was explaining how to ascend. Even with the mark, could you imagine if he told a lizard this? Artificer, arguably, is a prime example of this. Just an animal would get over their fallen children, sure they'd grieve but in the end they'd just make more. Arti not only is so enraged by their death, that she is physically incapable of ascension, but also swears vengeance upon a whole other species. This isn't just some animal who lost her children, this is a mother who is enraged at her children's murder. Sure, they aren't on the same level as humans are. Like obviously. But I'd argue it makes sense that a scavenger and a slugcat could fall down the path of enemies to lovers. Especially when you consider the fact that death isn't permanent in Rain World's universe. That would definitely change one's perspective on it. I dunno if I make sense, I'm juggling like three things at once, but I had to say what I needed to say. Wording bad, slugcat smort.

tbh it took me a minute to figure out what this was even referring to, because honestly I don't think that anon meant to use the word 'animal' to dehumanize arti in the first place. it sounded to me like they were just using it as a non-human equivalent for 'person', like "why would anyone fall for a person who committed hate crimes against them?" which is a valid question. it never even occurred to me that they could have meant it in the sense of calling her an inferior creature.

that said... you ARE 100% right and you should say it, lmao.

I very nearly got into this exact argument once, bc i saw some comments from a guy scoffing at the idea of arti showing mercy to baby scavs. because by his logic, 'she is just an animal, so she isn't bound by human morality. in the wild, animals kill any young that don't belong to them without hesitation'. and it just pissed me off so much, because not only was it such an edgy "mercy is for the WEAK!" alpha-male bullshit take, it was also just factually wrong. many animals can and do adopt the young of other animals, even other species, especially when they've just lost their own. and like you said, they can grieve, but then they move on. they keep surviving, and making more babies. they don't dwell on injustice, or let rage consume them to the point that it becomes a hindrance to their own survival. they don't go on single-minded revenge quests. they dont try to justify their own violence by demonizing entire species, and they dont end up plagued by guilt in their sleep. those are very, very human things.

and yeah, i see a lot of people theorize that it's the mark of communication that grants the slugcats higher intelligence, but I don't really buy that either. i think the mark just lets them understand the iterator's language. they must've already had the capacity to understand it, or else it wouldn't work at all. it'd be like trying to install windows on a calculator. also, even without the mark, slugcats are obviously shown to communicate with each other. they have their own culture, they tell stories and make art, and they're apparently able to understand karma and the nature of the cycle at least enough to be able to ascend. so like... any creature thats capable of spiritual enlightenment must at least be sapient, right??

it seems like in the absence of the ancients, both slugcats and scavs are beginning to move in to their niche in the ecosystem

#in other words #[holds up a slugcat] BEHOLD A MAN

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cannibal-nightmares · 7 days

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it's moments like these the crash-landing feels perpetual--all-consuming like it's all there's ever had been--and, in a way, it is. surviving this is all a matter of masking and navigating and bargaining and compromise. episodes feel like losses. a subconscious questioning of "if i've made it through all those other days, why can't i do it now all of a sudden?"

block under the cut for vague and not vague paranoid babbling

that noise is goign to kill me for saying any of this but who cares, im a dead man walking whether I say it out loud or not. it always feels like im ying to myself pressing against it. but isnt it right? why is it so fucking loud? there has to be a reason its so adamant. "its the illness." "its real" "it sthe illness" it blurs together. i know thats the whole issue. i cant afford to listen to either side. either side will hurt me, either side will punish me.

my friend asked why i dont skip work when i dont feel well without understanding that i would then never go to work. and dont get it twisted: im one of the top employees in performance. a schizo. a psychotic, crazy, terrified schizo. id skip work today--thats how on fire my nerves are--but i cant afford to. i have to keep my head down and hope they dont pry me open, today especially. i am tired of holding back my angred fear of people. ive started being more upfront w questions, some in the forms of jokes, like my co-worker who gave me a cookie and i said "if this is laced, im going to kick your ass," like when my colleague who mentioned singing in the company cars and i said i dont [because im scared of cameras.] or whatever.

im struggling. I'll admit. it's snowballing. It's a nose-dive death spiral. that clacking overspeed sound. redlining. and i have so much to do. so much to do at what cost? immovable things. i'm moving again? What the fuck. Who made that decision? I guess it was me. I don't remember. alexa, play "the actor" by everything everything. i feel fucking crazy that all of this gets magnified and exacerbated by ptsd/the weather. how stupid is that. how cruel is that? i want to cancel my plans. i cant. i should. i cant. i can't. it won't let me. i also know a more-sane me would be heartbroken. idk whats going to happen between now and late june. I see the dial trembling at its peak. im dead if i do, im dead if I dont. "to join the new river?" that's all it is.

and i have to repeat myself here: this shit isn't new. im just trying to be vulnerable. whatever that means. a glimpse inward. here it is while it's hot. perpetuity. dont you dare pity me. ive got more swords than you could ever begin to imagine, ive just only got two hands. i dont mind being stability for people--i like that i am--but this is whats behind that. with great reason comes unfathomable absurdity. contrast.

#cannibal-nightmares is psychotic #actually schizophrenic #actually schizospec #actually psychotic #cannibal-nightmares rambles

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im-gonna-squeet · 5 months

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I still dont know who you are, I only know that I'm still lonely chap 2

Donnie has a bit of a late night breakdown, but all is well when they take care of their family, and theyre rewarded with twin cuddles (chap. 1)

Donnie couldn't sleep.

They should be excited. But they just felt numb. It's not fair.

Just a few hours ago they were fine. They were so excited! Happy!

But now they can barely feel anything.

Whilst they struggled with identifying emotions, they still felt them, in fact they were a rather emotional person, so it was very noticable when they were gone. And they didn't know what to do.

This has happend throughout their entire life, but has become far more frequent since The Technodrome.

You would think that having an issue for your entire life would mean youre able to cope with that issue. Especially having a sibling as well-versed in psychology and emotions as Michael is. But apparently, that isn't how it works.

Having awful emotional permanence surely didnt help. It's very hard to keep a diary of your feelings when you forget about them immediately after you stop feeling them. Which makes it really hard to ask for help.

Emotions are exhausting and confusing, but Donnie thought they preferred having them to not.

The only time they didn't want to feel was after Shelldon... NOPE! No. He's back. Hes ok. Hes alive. No need to go back there ever again.

They decided to go and get a drink... and maybe check on Shelldon on the way. And their siblings. And Papa. But only because they couldn't sleep, and they were heading that way anyways.

They swung their legs over the side of their bed to get up, realising their mistake a moment too late.

"SHIT!" They exclaimed as they fell to the floor, legs unable to hold their full weight.

They covered their eyes with their palms as they let out a shaky breath.

Fuck.

Why do rhey keep forgetting about that.

They let out a quiet sob as tears started to wet their palms and the shock made their emotion flood back. Desperately trying to comfort themself, they pulled their knees to their chest, grabbing their plesiosaur plush from their bed and holding it close, burying their face into the well-loved stuffed animal.

Its not fair. Its not fucking fair. They just wsnted to be a normal-ish teenager. Sure, they can still technically do most of the things they used to be able to do. But it was diffrrent. Which meant that they were different. And they didnt like change.

They cant skateboard anymore, and they might never be able to again. They loved skateboarding.

Logically, they knew that with their enhanced healing, they would more likely recover than not, but it had been a fucking year and they'd made barely any progress.

And sure, their family were very accommodating and understanding, but they didn't get it. Not in the way Donnie needed them to.

It made them angry, and they hated themself for it. Because its not their fault.

They would never want anyone to see what they saw, to feel what they felt. But it just sucked sometimes. It was so isolating and lonely. They just wanted someone to understand. To really, truly know them. To listen to them and go 'yeah, i get it'.

But they never would.

Because if The Technodrome was to be beleived, and they see no reason why she would lie, nobody else had seen what she showed them. Or if they did, they didnt survive to tell their story.

But they all went through horrific trauma that night. Raph was literally mind controlled and Leo was trapped in the prison dimension with Prime for fuck's sake! There was no way they were talking about this and risking bringing back those memories, they wouldn't do that to them. No matter how painful and isolating it was.

They stayed there for a little longer, breathing deep, shaky breaths and listening to their own heartbeat.

Now they really needed a drink.

Thankfully, they had created a new, more comfortable battle shell for prolonged use. Though it wasnt really a battle shell more like a get-around-the-lair shell. They kept it next to their bed so they could put it on when they woke up.

After taking a second to put their glasses on, they put their battle shell on, securing it.

They released the spider arms and made their way to the door (after tucking in the plesiosaur plush, of course).

The kitchen light was on when they got there, which wasn't surprising as the others tended to forget to turn them off after getting snacks.

Donnies hands shook slightly as they took out a glass from the cupboard, then the cordial from thr cupboard below it. The shaking persisted as they made their drink and put the cordial away. Thry took a sip. Then another. Then downed the whole thing. They hadn't realised just how thirsty they were.

They left the glass in the sink, far too exhausted to wash it right now.

Since Papa's room was closest, they decided to check on hin first, then Raph, then Mikey, and then check on Leo & Shelly at the other end.

Their dad always left his door open at night so that he could hear his children and they could hear him. Donnie stuck their head through the door and listened out for a moment, some of the tightness in their chest dissipating as they heard him snore. They didn't feel the need to check any further and turned to their next destination.

As they approaced Raph's room, they could already hear her snoring, but decided to go in and check on her anyway. Walking further in, they saw that Raph had dropped a couple of her stuffed animals in her sleep, and took moment to put them back properly.

Pulling the blanket over her a little more, they gently stroked the side of her head with their thumb, snoothing out the creases in her brow. Once Raph had settled down and started to smile slightly, Donnie got up and made their way out of the room and towards Mikeys, feeling lighter than before.

Mikey was a very quiet sleeper, so Donnie couldn't hear anything outside of his room.

Making their way in, Donnie made sure to tidy Mikeys desk whilst still leaving everything out and in view so he didnt forget about anything.

Mikey was sound asleep in his bed, completely sprawled out with the blanket tied up in ways Donnie wasnt sure they could do if they tried. Nevertheless, they managed to free Mikey from the blanket without waking him – thank you extra arms – and lay it over him instead so he didn't get cold.

They stayed for a moment longer, just watching him breathe, until they felt secure enough to leave him alone. It was truly incredible how much calmer they felt now compared to when they first got up.

Donnie, Leo, and Shelldon all had rooms on the opposite side of the layer, with theirs on the end closest to their lab, and Shelldons between them and Leo.

Leos room was on that side because of twin reasons. As much as they loved to make fun of eachother and get in dumb fights, they really were part of eachother. If either one needed any sort of comfort or help, the other – no matter how angry they may be, will always be there for them. They understood eachother like nobody else. And they will do anything to keep it that way.

Gently pushing open the door to Leos room, they made their way over to his bed. Leaving the haphazardly stacked comic books just the way he likes them. From the looks of it, Leo had fallen asleep on his phone, so Donnie made sure to put it on charge, gently removing Leos mask and fixing his blanket. But Leo was a much lighter sleeper than everyone else, and opened his eyes, blinking a few times before letting out a scratchy "Tello?"

Shit.

"Yeah, its me, Lee, sorry for waking you Ill-"

They were cut off by Leo gently grabbing the sides of their face, his face scrunching up in concern, " 'v you been crying?"

They cringed. Ah. Right. They didnt wash their eyeliner off. God they probably looked like such a mess right now. "Yeah, im- im- im okay now though. Go back to sleep."

Leo grabbed their hand and pulled gently, clearly inviting them to join him.

"Sigh. Alright, fine, but I have to go check on Shelldon first, ill be right back. Promise." They gave Leo a kiss on the head and stood to leave after he nodded.

Well, they were spending the night in Leos room now, they supposed. They were grateful for it to be honest, they didnt really want to be on their own right now.

As they entered Shelldon's room and saw the droid charging, they felt the last (biggest) bit of their anxiety melt away and they were so releived they could cry.

They quickly made their way to his bedside, lowering themself to kneel next to him.

Then they did start crying. He was there. Their son. Their baby. Safe and comfortable and alive. They gently caressed his face and neck, careful not to wake him. Leaning over, Donnie gently kissed him on the top of his head. He's right there. And he's okay.

Donnie stayed there for a few minutes, just watching him. They wanted desperately to hold him. To take him in their arms and never let go. To make sure nothing can never harm him ever again. But they didnt want to wake him.

Soon enough, they felt almost all of their anxiety leaving them, so they left back to Leos room.

When they got back, Leo wasnt asleep, and was clearly trying very hard to stay that way.

Donnie sat down on the edge of his bed where Leo cleared the blankets for them. They took their battle shell off very carefully so they didnt hit Leo and placed it next to the bed. Then they took their glasses off and put them on the bedside table before moving themself to lie next to Leo, resting their head on his bicep and wrapping their arms around him. "G'night. Love you." Leo managed to get out before immediately passing out. "Night Leo, I love you too." Donnie replied, feeling warm and safe and secure for the first time that night before they joined their beloved twin in sleep.

reblogs > likes

#rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #disaster twins #rottmnt shelldon #hurt/comfort #tw: implied child death #(hes fine tho dw)#disabled donatello #nonbinary donatello #transfem raphael #rottmnt leo

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sableu · 10 months

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Ah… I just wanted to say that I resonate with so many of your sabo takes… My eyes are all watery because I feel like you really understand Sabo’s character in a way that I feel like most other people dont take the time to properly investigate and appreciate. I feel like I’m always a little bit angry with how split the fandom is on Sabo, how trapped people are in Ace’s visage that they can’t even acknowledge how amazingly stunning Sabo is! I just want to say, thank you so so much for all your posts over the years rambling on and on about this one character, I’m so pleased to find such an eloquently well spoken sabo appreciator- reading through many of your Sabo discussions both gave me needed validations towards my feelings and emotions about him as well as deeper insights that I never would have uncovered on my own ; - ;

Ahhhhh seriously thank you so much for loving him for so long with so much heart, it seriously warms my soul to see so much love poured out for this character that I also love!!! I pray that we keep getting more and more sabo appearances in the future to fuel our sabo agendas 🎉🎊

ahhhh man, thank you so much!!!! i've drawn art, written fics and made gifs for this fandom many times over the past ten years (...holy shit, has it really been ten years?) but when i think about it, the meta posts i've written about sabo are still some of my favorite things i've created for OP.

i've been here in the trenches since sabo was first re-introduced to the series in 2013, and it pains me to this day when i see people try to water him down to just a pretty boy or fanservice or ace 2.0, all while devaluing what an interesting and unique character he is in his own right with a very important role in the story completely separate to his brothers.

i know i haven't been that active on here recently (i now live alone in a big ole city and have a full time job and a girlfriend :3 so real life has gotten in the way) but rest assured i have felt so vindicated and validated by everything we've seen from sabo in recent chapters.

he's a revolutionary. he's a freedom fighter. he's willing to be branded a murderer if it helps his cause. he faced off against the highest power in the entire one piece world and he survived.

he's so, so interesting and powerful and intelligent and i'm so happy to have a character like him in a manga like one piece, where the corruption goes to the very top--someone whose goal, unlike almost every other character in the series, is to intentionally and systemically burn the whole corrupt government to the ground.

the world government and the gorosei and the celestial dragons are the true villains of one piece, and sabo has been defying them from the very beginning. he's not a D. he's not predestined to anything. he's going to change the world not because it's his birthright, but because it's the right thing to do to protect innocent civilians and give them their freedom.

and that's why i love him ❤️

#asks #loopeyfluff #this reminds me that i've always intended to get a sabo/rev army tattoo #but now that i have three tattoos that reality actually feels realistic and achievable #...someone give me ideas for a sabo tattoo #i might just get the rev army flag symbol on my ankle #but that seems boring idk

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mjalti · 1 year

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are we required to forgive our parents when they apologize/try to do better? my mom and i had an absolutely awful relationship up until i moved away for college which is when she suddenly started being nice to me. she is mentally ill and traumatized so i can understand why she took out a lot of stuff on me, and i appreciate her trying to get better, but i am struggling so much to forgive her, move on, and accept this new version of her. i want her to stay as an awful hateful person in my head so i dont have to feel guilty when she tries to love me and i can't reciprocate it. i feel bad she doesn't have a daughter who loves her, but i didnt have a mother either. do i have to be the bigger person here?

the short answer is that No, you aren't "required" to forgive anyone for anything. her wanting to be better now doesn't negate the way she acted for years while you're growing up. your anger is valid, your hurt is valid, and in the coming days, the question that breeds resentment will rise, "why didn't she want to be better when it mattered?". That being said, you have to work on defining what you want from your mom NOW. I would really consider going to therapy to have someone help you navigate these waters. When the person who hurts you, asks for mercy, it can leave you feeling like the "villain" that this person has been for you all your life.

What I can tell you about forgiveness is this: it hurts. And when something hurts, we only want to go through it for someone we truly love. You do not love your mother in the traditional way. You cannot, because she was not a traditional mother to you.

If you are open to a relationship with her, you need to learn about boundaries, what they are, how to implement them, and when to enforce them. You need to have a conversation with your mom about why she cannot be a mother to you even now, but that you are open to have her being a friend eventually as long as she maintains her medication regimen & therapy for herself. Eventually considering family therapy together.

The answer to this question isn't a solid answer, so please dont pressure yourself to have an answer ready. The answer can literally be: I do not know, it depends on her behavior and her ability to take responsibility for her impact on me.

The thing about abuse is that it happens in minutes, hours, days, months, years. It cannot be forgiven with a "I'm sorry" once, twice, or three times. It has to be evened out in positive actions in minutes, hours, days, months, years. It has to be evened out. And then, at that point, you can ask yourself if you forgive her.

Trauma is generational, you are absolutely right to give her the grace of truth; you do not know what has happened to your mother or what she survived, how she became what she became. But your mother needs to come to terms with what happened. Your mother doesn't have a daughter who loves her because love isn't given; love is earned. Your mother never earned that love so she cannot lay claim to it.

Right now, open up google docs and write to the mother you hate, the one who hurt you and write down all the memories you can think of. Do it every evening for 2 weeks, write everything that you hated, what happened, how it made you feel, who was involved, and what the impact was on you. The child in you needs to be heard and you need to give her a platform in which to channel her emotions.

The story of trauma is complex but this cycle can end with you by you going to therapy, finding a compatible therapist & working through your childhood. Thank your baby-self for everything she learned to keep you safe, and tell her that some of these things no longer serve you so you have to let them go.

#qnotqueue #anonymous

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ellies-enrichment · 8 months

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I don't think I will be able to survive tv Tommy being left alone and miserable like in the game 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Like getting shot and Maria leaving him

Although they might change it since he is now expecting to become a father bc it would be really weird if both Maria and Dina leave the Millers with their young children bc they kept obsessing over killing Abby

Hope this makes sense lmao 😑

This makes sense dont worry it makes so much sense that it activated my Tommy is my Favorite Miller gene and I'm gonna word vomit

If it makes you feel better, I like to believe it was actually a mutual decision and that it wasnt necessarily Maria's. It doesnt make it better but all things considered, he begged her in the note he left to keep Ellie safe and not let her follow him. I can only Imagine how much he talked to her about it in person before leaving and because she let Ellie and Dina go(encouraged them to), Jesse died. He had two hurt kids, himself, no horses, and Jesse's body that he had to drag back to Jackson (someone said it was a few weeks on horseback & they were definitely on foot at this point) It's a messy situation but I truly do believe that it WAS a mutual decision in the game for them to break up. It was Mutual or it was Tommy in my mind.

I can't handle either Tommy or Ellie being broken and alone when all they have is the other so I'm desperately hoping that gets changed somewhere so at least maybe at the end they come back together. The way they end things badly makes me upset more than anything and I understand why Tommy was frustrated but I hope he and Ellie will be okay in the show

I also think since Maria is having a kid that they wont do JJ. I think they'll trade JJ for TJ because I can't see them having two babies. Idk why it just seems unreasonable to me. Ever since that episode I've been like "oh well rip Jesse Joel its Tommy jr now" I dont know how that will work for Ellie and Dina in a time jump but I hope Tommy and Maria can at least figure out their issues for this.

ALSO tv Maria is worse(tm) when it comes to rules than game Maria. Ellie shouldn't get permission from her it would feel wrong. (Preferably she'll leave with Tommy but he wouldnt let her do that) so Ellie leaves without permission and Tommy and Maria can't argue about her letting Ellie, Dina, and Jesse get into trouble.

Again though, having a baby may change her attitude. She might be like "bring the dumbass home so my kid isnt fatherless" in front of Ellie, the once again orphan.

The writers have themselves a sticky situation I'm not even on surface thoughts ive spent so much time thinking about how season 2 Tommy is going to be and how the whole situation with Abby will play out

#i want a solo tommy episode with joel flashbacks or im automatically disappointed #ive seen a lot of talk about skipping or shortening the time jump (top 10 reasons why they shouldnt do that)#i have thoughts about show ellie's grief and how she and dina work (spoiler its not a good outlook)#there is so much i must discuss #and its so hard to get my brain focused on one topic #BUT i agree with you i cant handle seeing tommy tv alone so i hope the ending is a little lighter for him and ellie #anonymous #asks #i adore the show i want to keep adoring the show #i'm sure i'll love it regardless of what happens because ive claimed it a comfort show due to reasons #my goal is to not judge too harshly unless they skip the time jump and send a 15yo to seattle #then its fair game

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gyroncraft · 11 months

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🏰Build Process & Guide💁‍♂️

I'm making this in-depth post about my process, @lordoftablecloths asked how i planned the build and ill make this a separate post for all interested, this might be pretty long so it'll be under the cut, i'll add pictures where i can to help explain :3 will contain mostly explanations why i did what i did with a few technical tips mixed in.

I • Introduction & Inspiration

I'm going to try and structure this like a guide from the bottom up on how i made my castle build. let it be known that the order I've presented here isn't the exact order i built it in, and you don't have to follow exactly either, I'm choosing an order that i hope makes the most sense. whether you're planning a castle in creative or survival i hope this is useful. as for what inspired the look of the castle, its hard to pin down anything exactly, i love the look of places like Neuschwanstein Castle and Mont-Saint-Michel to give some basic examples, i recommend looking around Wikipedia (and the rest of the internet) for examples of existing churches castles fortresses etc around the world to draw from, sometimes you can even find floor plans and architectural drawings etc on google images

I HIGHLY recommend you build with XYZ coordinates enabled! even in survival it can help with your builds, it can be enabled in the settings on world creation or by using the command:

/gamerule showcoordinates true

II • Picking a Build Location

I started a new world with normal settings creative mode and cheats (i also use world-edit but won't be going over that in this post as i barely understand it myself lol) basically just fly around your world until you see some interesting looking geography, a certain biome, anything that brings you some inspiration

this castle mount i found is isolated by itself in a small valley between two large ridges and a river, thus i thought a castle would be the perfect thing to build here, there's plenty of room for a town as well

III • Terraforming & Laying Foundations

when starting a foundation on a hill/slope i try and find a good flat area to start clearing, you can shave off a few layers to get a level starting area, what to then do to get a terraced look is simply stand on your top level, sneak to the edge, and while keeping your Y level look straight down and fill outwards as far as you can reach, this will make 4 block high walls; exact heights are always up to you, treat every number like a suggestion and build what YOU think looks good! the number of tiers is also your choice, multiple is nice if you want multilevel walkways implemented into any steep area you want to be more accessible.

and dont forget to extend your build material all the way into the ground!

IV • Central Core & Courtyard

I think the very first thing i put on the mountain was the circle which would eventually be the main tower, acting as a main core for the building containing the main starway and a throne room at the top. I'd suggest having multiple intersecting shapes for your base, as you can build each of those shapes up in and out in separate ways the higher you go, which is pretty much the philosophy i had for this build, just remember to account for multiple stairways if you separate those shapes higher up.

i figured there should be some sort of tiered system of courtyards and walls since the hill has a natural gentle(ish) slope on the west. if you have the space for it i recommend filling in some green spaces for your castle residents, don't be afraid to have a steep cutoff like in the above image, you can put a castle wall or structure there later. for me, i wanted it to feel like a hike up to the castle through a winding path of gates, stairs, courtyards, and green areas

The hall with the rainbow windows was the first enclosed room i built, essentially a chunk of the floorplan reserved for a kind of reception space/grand entrance, once you've got a basic foundation down a small building like this can help you get a grasp of what kind of style/materials the rest of the castle will have. this is where i decided the castle would consist of stone brick foundations, smooth stone walls, a band of bricks on each floor; this can be super helpful while building inside and outside, i also like how it looks.

V • Main Building Facade

since i didn't want this entire build to be a blob of stone bricks i decided to add a decorative facade on the outside of the main keep, the idea is to have more blackstone near the top, to emphasize that the upper parts contain more important... stuff :P

these are built more or less outside of the main stone walls (except for some window protrusions) this means the interior rooms won't have to have one weird wall of blackstone, as i wanted the inside of the castle to have relatively plain smooth stone rooms

VI • "Defensive" Walls & Extra Foundations

castles need some sort of protection against people wandering in, right? the placement of these outer walls was kinda random, i just tried to enclose some courtyard spaces without going out too far to keep the walls a reasonable height

the way most of the outer walls were built was i started with a one block wide guide, making sure i didnt cut off any diagonals so that when built up there would be a small but navigable corridor within them (see below) this way people/guards etc. can move about the lower areas of the castle complex without being seen. I tried to keep most of the walls like this 3 blocks wide with a step out to 5 blocks at the top to account for a 3x path with walls/battlements on both sides

i also added towers at junctions to sort of act like small hubs (useful for stairways, ladders, guard barracks, defensive supplies and buildings etc.

VII • Other Structures

a castle build can be more than just a keep and some walls, some supporting structures are:

the windmill(s), if the people here are growing grain they must have somewhere to mill it, right? of course all you need to actually do that is a crafting table, stuff like this also won't move (unless you use a mod like technic, but bedrock users are SOL for mods like that afaik) but i like to add elements of realism into my builds, suspend your disbelief!

the "library", originally this was going to be a sparring arena, then a temple, then a library, but as of now there's a much better stocked library in the central keep, i'm trying to think of what to turn this into,

the alchemist's tower, a detached tower containing a brewing lab along with a nether portal and some ingredient storage. only accessible via a small bridge, if i ever expand the dungeons or construct a sewer system i'll consider connecting it through a new stairway in here 🤫

VIII • Farms & Irrigation

this is the first field of crops i built for the castle (intended to be private and for the castle only), very simple with some covered water troughs for irrigation, i didn't plan the stepped farms until much later so this will probably get changed without completely redoing it, maybe turned into a greenhouse with farmed flowers

the newer farms cover much more area and have more variety, as well as a more organic looking irrigation system, these might be extended even further at some point to be a food source for the whole area.

there are small channels of waterlogged stair blocks i've kinda snaked through the farmland to make quarter block wide water channels, my idea is that this castle sits on a (possibly mystical) spring which feeds the fresh water needs of the castle complex and town (aqueducts may appear in the future)

IX • Outer Wall Details

since having nothing but flat walls isnt very interesting, i'll show some ways to give them more... visual texture? interest? either way.

you can really just stick a layer of arches or even simple columns over a flat wall and itll look 10x better

i recommend stair and wall blocks mainly for this, if you're building in wood you can use trap doors to add just a little more to an arch

X • Floor Appearance & Hierarchy

one of the most important things to decide when i start a build is what floor height i want to have, i try to keep each floor in the castle the same height for consistency. below i have an example of six floors with different block heights

I always try to have each floor made of distinct layers (the stone brick band helps me remember where the floor block is supposed to be) the way i like to do it is as follows (top to bottom):

[1 Block] floor, solid block, this is the floor of the next level

[1-3 Blocks] ceiling, i like to use stairs and slabs so you dont see the bottom of the next floor up, but you can decide if you want that to show or not, using single lines of slabs can look like wood beams

[2-5 Blocks] walls and windows, the main section of the wall, solid

[1 Block] guide layer made of a different material, or just use the same throughout, this should be where your legs are

[1 Block] floor, solid block, you'll walk upon this

about the hierarchy, thats just relating to the fact that i didnt want (too many) glass windows in the dungeon sections of the castle, i wanted it to feel cold, grimy, and drafty ya know? so the lowest levels have a few iron barred windows as well as a bunch of slit windows made using stair blocks, there are also more and more windows the higher up you go. There are some windows that extend out each floor as well

XI • Interior Details

The lowest parts of the castle consist of stonebrick halls, storage rooms, connections to the outer wall corridors, and possibly forgotten paths to the depths... as stated earlier i try to have a floor material, and a wall+ceiling material

above: undercroft level, steel bar windows, stone brick, dingy

below: mid-level central keep (facing south) the windows here are glass, but still small, wood floors throughout, upper floors get the benefit of more natural light

pictured above is the central spiral staircase, it does take up quite a bit of the floorspace, but the wide and easy slope makes it easier to navigate so i think its worth it

the most fantastical details are currently in the ballroom, library, and throne room but im running out of picture slots so onto the next category

XII • Spires & Roofing

all of the roofing (aside from some detailing on the entrance hall) is mangrove wood, and i recommend choosing one roofing material to have throughout, though you'll see here that i'm using red nether brick walls, why? Well fence blocks don't connect to wall blocks, and iron rods won't connect to fence blocks (if this is bedrock only or something let me know..) i find it really useful to add these alternating stacks of those blocks to make quite sharp looking points along the ridges of the roof. i recommend trying out whatever different color palettes you can with the blocks we have in-game

the heights of the stacks also go up the higher (and thus farther away) you go, meaning the highest ridges will have 3 of each block stacked, like 3,3,3 and 2,2,2 instead of the 1,1,1 seen in the foreground above

XIII • :3

thank u for coming to my ted talk! i might update this post to add some clarity if i need to, hope you enjoyed it if you made it this far. I had fun writing it up, might do more posts like this in the future.

#mineblr #minecraft screenshots #minecraft #minecraft build #minecraft wip #minecraft tutorial #minecraft tumblr #castleburgh

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feathers-in-the-night · 7 months

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I dont know if I've already talked about this but i remember when i was writing Broken Wings, I wanted it to be as dramatic as possible, I wanted them to be so at odds and for their situation to seem absolutely impossible, because in my mind, that would make their reunion so much sweeter, right? that would make them reuniting so much stronger, right? That would prove their soulmate status so much more, because they were able to overcome every obstacle.

Right?

And then at one point, a reviewer told me that they'd stopped rooting for the two of them to get back together, because I'd done too good of a job showcasing their incompatibility. And more people started expressing the same opinion.

I had made the ship unshippable.

That review really stuck with me. And it keeps haunting me as I write this new story. I regularly check back with it, making sure I'm not making the same mistake twice.

And then I reread Feathers and realized I actually hadn't made a very compelling case in that story either.

It made me realize that the foundation of their relationship was extremely flawed - the undeniable imbalance of power, given that Dick was her mentor and her leader. Essentially her boss. The fact that she started out not respecting him or his opinion at all, and he tries to force obedience from her, instead of earning respect.

The fact that Dick kissed her without her consent?

IM NOT SAYING that this wasn't the point at the time. Like I was definitely trying to write a messy couple. They were teenagers. They were stressed and trying to save the world from an alien invasion. They were all each other had for a while - Dick was there to help Morgan time and time again, and she was the only one that knew his secrets, who he could confide in, and who he didn't have to lie to at the time. She always found some way to lighten the mood for him, and he always supported her through every obstacle she faced.

They helped the other find something human in the alien invasion.

Like, it makes sense they fell for each other, right? They needed that, at the time. It was a messy but genuine road to a messy but genuine relationship - it was something necessary to survive the insane circumstances they were in, and the amount of pressure they were under.

But what happens when the alien invasion is over, and there's relative peace? When they aren't fighting for the fate of the world anymore, but are dealing with more mundane tasks, like school and work and small-scale missions?

When the closeness of the other person is no longer the only thing keeping them sane?

It was always inevitable, that they would break up. The very foundation of their relationship was built on something that wasn't meant to last. It was lifesupport - and at some point, lifesupport needs to be turned off, whether because the person is dead, or because they are recovered.

That's why Dick says "Thank you for being exactly what i needed." when she gets on that plane. What he needed.

So then, what is this sequel about?

It's about exploring the two of them trying to find each other in a new way. This is about the two of them going off on their own to fight find themselves, and when they're ready, to reunite. (Not that they know it yet).

This is me proving that they are compatible. They can be. Just not in the form that we left them in, in Feathers. And not in their Broken Wings versions.

This is about the two of them realizing that this is it for them. This is fate. They're fate. But not because of some cosmic power willing it, but because they decide it for themselves. They decide to cast away all the issues from their previous relationship, and rebuilt it on a much stronger foundation. Something healthy, something long-lasting.

I was 18-19 when I wrote Feathers. I had never been in a relationship. I was relying on tropes and dramatic moments, on the stuff I had seen in movies.

I'm 27 now. I'm married. I have a kid. I understand the everyday trappings of being in a relationship. The stuff that makes it work. How it actually feels be to heartbroken. To be in love. To long for someone out of reach. To find your home with a person. And as I write this story, I use the experience I now have. I'm still using the beloved tropes, I'm still using drama - they still fight, they still do wrong by each other, but they're getting better.

My mission statement is to write a story that makes people think "These two are soulmates" and not "These two aren't good for each other".

Because I want to leave them at a point where I can feel confident in saying they stay together.

#here i go with my brainworms again #like so much of this story is about that trust #about the two of them relearning to work together #confronting all the ways in which they werent working out

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architects-hidden-archives · 1 year

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Solo Leveling Chapters 1-10 LN and Manwha differences + other facts [Part 1]

*chapters 1-11 in manwha*

Index:

Things or facts not mentioned in the Manwha

Skipped scene

■ Added in the Manwha.

◇Change in the Manwha

1-4 Chapters

(There wasnt a lot of changes here and there so I put those 4 chapters in one.)

During their way through the tunnel, Mr Kim used the light of his phone being much more effective than the light from Mr Song's flame.

Ju Hee is said to be close to 21 soon, and there were lots of flashbacks with Jin Woo being healed by Ju Hee from their first meeting to now. [So Her awakening could have been around 18 through 20, giving her between 3 to less than a year since they met. And since it seem she was a lot of time asked to healed, I'm betting they met almost 2 to 2.5 years ago.]

Sung Jin Woo is explicitly 24 instead of the usual mid twenties.

During chapter 3 or 4 many people cussed Jin woo out because they didn't want to bow down to the being that killed the hunters. Eleven survived the first beam of flames out of 17 hunters that entered. Then it came down to ten when the hunter tried to outrun the beam.

Another moment with Jin Woo helping Ju Hee kneel while she was still in a state of shock because if one person didn't bow then the first rule wouldn't work.

One huntress peed, another hunter vomited upon seeing the diseased bodies. [I really dont know why I added this part...]

◇ A huntress was slammed to death by the palm of the Statue of God's hand, they changed it in the manga to be slammed by the feet instead.

Stated that the hymn the man from the choir did was from Christianity.

Chapter 5

◇ The statue that Mr Kim sat down in, held a Buzuka or Bazooka/Bouzouki. No idea what it could be but in the manwha it was a violin.

Btw the Buzuka could mean one of these two:

Ju Hee was still healing despite her stamina running out, crying "I'll fix you as good as new." To Jin Woo.

Chapter 6

◇ Mr Kim doesn't use spatial magic to pull out the sword, he only had it in his hip.

◇ Jin Woo only manages to say "altar" and everyone understands what he is trying to convey. In the manwha he has to specify it was an altar of sacrifice,

Mr Kim points the sword first at the altar and then at Mr Song, Jin Woo wants to say something but Mr Song gives him a look to not say anymore and the former just keeps quiet.

Stated that Mr Kim is a D rank with a pretty good set of skills, so he is the second strongest or currently strongest out of all of them right now.

The Giant God statue went back to his throne. Let me check to edit this if it did the same in the manwha— nope

◇ The first hunter to get out from the dungeon is actually a man in the LN, usually they would pspecify female hunter, but not in this one. In the manwha it is a woman who gets out first

The compensation paid out to the family members 300 million Won or 400, when one dies during a raid. (TL: Between $267,000 and $356,000)—Jin Woo calculated that while the statues came after him.

◇ Jin Woo was stabbed from the back not from the front by a spear, then placed on the altar which he heard all hid bones crush him.

As he was dying, Jin Woo had flashbacks of his family AND Ju Hee (holy moly there are so many Ju Hee moments skipped, my juhee x jinwoo shipper self is being revived again haha) The only thing skipped here was Ju Hee and Jin Ah, we only saw the comatose mom

The system's voice is female [spoilers: the architect is androgynous and can change their voice at will between male and female.]

Jin-Woo grew up dirt poor since childhood and always took free things, which in the manwha it makes it seem as though he is somewhat middle class, at least from my opinion honestly, poverty can look different in other places so.

Chapter 7:

Ever since Jin Woo met Ju Hee, he didn't have to go to the hospital a lot of times.

Rumors circulated about him always having a spot reserved in the hospital because he took so many injuries.

Chapter 8:

Oh boi*

◇ Woo Jin chul has closed cropped up hair and is buff.

◇ Instead of taking a sofa, Jin chul just places a chair next to Jin Woo's bedside while the other hunter stands

//Now, it's a change but Jin Woo was unconscious for 4 days instead of three though its probably just a mistranslation and the correct one is three. Imma take 3 as the answer.//

Woo Jin Chul had been an A rank for 6 years now. He has connections to other guilds as well as other countries.

Jin-Woo was put in one of the finest rooms in the hospital, another version of the translation said it was VIP, that's what I could remember reading it first time. He also had the finest medical practitioners of the nation healing him.

◇ The small measuring device crystal was pitch black instead of purple like in the manwha?

The crystal was of the highest quality and costed around a billion won, and could only be found in A rank dungeons.

//Just an add in note that an E rank usually has the power scale from 70-100, while Jin woo has a 10, it used to be 12 (or 11 in manwha) at first, basically that of a human//

◇ Jin Woo is surprised to find the screen on top of him instead of directly facing him like in the manwha.

Chapter 9:

Jin woo and Jin Ah tend to share soft faces, which make their anger seem less fearful.

Jin Ah stopped crying and nagging him after an hour. Also her university entrance exams are next year. She never took tutoring or extra classes but she was still on her top 10 in the school and wanted to be a doctor after her mom fell into a coma. Her third year is only a few days away [I'm guessing that in her third year in high school is when Song Yi got awakened tho I'm still not there yet.]

Jin woo went to say his goodbyes to Jin Ah in the elevator, then went back to his room and closed the door in case anyone saw him using the system.

Jin woo performed a 100 push ups but that was about it, when he got nothing from the system he decided to stop and not do the rest of the workout regimen.

■ Jin Woo was not informed or cared to know about the state of the other hunters like Ju Hee or Chi Yul so I'm guessing that was added on in the manwha, which is nice.

The penalty dungeon had a pitch black sky yet it still held light coming from somewhere and was pure wasteland of a dessert.

Chapter 10:

There was a total amount of 7 centipedes coming out to get Jin woo.

Choi Noora, the nurse, calls for emergency once she finds Jin woo sprealled out on the floor with sand after the penalty quest and lift him up with the doctor. There is a small scene were Jin Woo gets hurt a bit, and when noora goes to check were the blood came from she doesn't find a wound. Used to explain why all his sudden wounds are dissapearing.

The next day he has 7 hours to do the daily quest which he does.

#solo leveling #solo leveling light novel #I only level up #only i level up #sung jin woo #lee ju hee #song chi yul #choi noora #kim sang shik #manwha #SL change catalogue by AHA

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