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autisticlancemcclain · 4 months

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fic rec friday 55

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

A Name I can Call Mine by astroshark

"Do I pick something that will please my family, but that I don't really like? Or something that they might not love, but that makes me happy?" He asked, letting out a loud groan. - In which Lance has trouble deciding on a name for himself and is scared of coming out.

i fckn love fics where everyone is trans and autistic. whats that one post. more autistics are trans bc gender is stupid and autistic people arent stupid. that is the energy of this fic

2. Binder Blues by fairdeath

Lance is tired. Just... tired. Five extra steps to every mission that the others don't follow – bind, cry because it fucking hurts over the blue-black bruises of the last fight, get hit a few times more than necessary, spend 20 minutes catching your breath, ignore the bruises the binder pushes at until the next fight.

more trans lance, i think i was scrolling throught the tag here. this one is sad i will say. i have to believe he gets healhty and starts to truly trust his team after this :(( but the fic was wonderful despite the fact that it hurts

3. Warm Hands by darkinsanity13

Something's rather literally cramping Lance's style. Keith lends him a hand or two.

yeah i was definitely looking thru the tag. and this is an old one!! one from 2016!! i love established relationship klance always, and keith just wants to hold his boyfriend man. and he's so real for that

4. keith's jacket by @eyeball

Keith's search for his stolen jacket is set aside when more pressing matters arise. The sobs coming from behind Lance's closed door are a bit more than worrying, so Keith lets himself in. He tries to provide all the support he can, but he can only do so much for the sniveling lump of a boy with tear-filled eyes and a refusal to explain himself.

i LOVE this fic ive read it so many times. it's a 2016 fic, so i love it on principle, but it also has a perfectly balanced mix of arguing and banter and angst and begrudging attraction like!! shocked it's only a few thousand words. i've also had "tell me next time i say something stupid" "everything you say is stupid" screenshotted forever lol i laughed out loud

5. Just like looking at the sunset by @crystalklances

Keith has been friends with Lance for a while, and has long since been aware of his feelings for him. As he's taking Lance home to visit his parents for the first time during semester break, he's hoping to finally confess.

crystalklances i miss you every day. i hope ur well. i love this fic bc it's so soft, like seriously goopy, and bc i love college aus and i love fics where keith has his parents!! it's always an interesting path to explore.

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

#okay i wrote ten of these today. FRFs i mean. i will not see this again for ten weeks thats crazy #vld #voltron #lance #lance mcclain #trans lance #keith #keith kogane #klance #pining keith #langst #soft keith #soft klance #fic rec #fic rec friday #longpost

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mrghostrat · 5 months

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i know i just posted a long ass rec list but i remembered some more fics that are crucial for u to read

still not my last rec post. but here's ur new homework until i wake my kindle back up and sort through my reread list.

We're Both Of Us Above by obstinatrix

E • 3k • angel/demon (pwp) "I saw you once," Crowley says, in a tone which might be interpreted, by anyone other than Aziraphale, as casual, "with a Fusilier." my favourite genre of aziraphale. the best characterisation. incredible dialogue, flirty snarky bitchy "how could you sleep with humans but not with me" resulting in amazing "youre the only one i've ever loved" sex.

New Approaches by FeralTuxedo

E • 19k • human AU (professor/author) Professor Aziraphale Fell welcomes the attendees of the First Conference on New Approaches to Genre Fiction. Among them is keynote speaker and best-selling thriller author Anthony J. Crowley. Aziraphale has not seen him for twenty-five years. Sometimes, he can still feel the ghost of their parting kiss on his lips.

The Lines Between by Ginger_Cat

M • 21k • angel/demon (post armageddon) fucking exquisite out of this world prose i want to drink with my eyeballs. aziraphale notices something is wrong with crowley (love) but can't figure out why the current state of their relationship isn't enough for him. celestial, spirital banging. so, so many feelings. fucking delectable literary motifs.

Celestial Bodies by Justkeeptrekkin

M • 48k • angel/demon (1920s) pg wodehouse inspired fic where aziraphale has a human friend group that invite him and crowley for a weekend away in the country. it's so funny and delightful and the pining is agonisingly sweet, and i love seeing how crowley interacts with all these batshit humans aziraphale calls friends. i know i'm a jeeves & wooster feral but i can't recommend this fic enough

Man to Man by leukozyna

E • 62k • human AU (office) crowley is the token twink in a corporate office with a mad crush on his colleague. aziraphale seems very much to be straight, but after striking up conversation over drinks at an office party, the two start hooking up regularly so crowley can help him uncover his sexuality.

A Classical Education by Melibe

M • 1k • human AU (professors) what the fuck this fic only has 1k hits i assumed it was like a fanon classic thpfhtkjdhs. aziraphale recites latin poetry at an office party. “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo,” Aziraphale enunciated clearly, knowing that only one person in the room understood the meaning of the archaic syllables: I will sodomize and face-fuck you.

The Rose Thief and the Priest by ImprobableDreams900

T • 15k • human AU (priest/gardener) When horticulturist A. J. Crowley sees a rare breed of rose in a churchyard, he decides he won't stop until he can get a cutting—even if he has to go through the church's stuffy priest to do so.

New Messages by TawnyOwl95

E • 38k (WIP) • human AU (fandom/online) Aziraphale writes fanfiction for the show Nice and Accurate Prophecies. Crowley draws fanart. THIS THING IS WRITTEN SO GOOD AND FUN AHHHHH so many laugh out loud points and feet kicking.

To reveal my heart in ink by chaoticlivi

E • 29k • angel/demon (post armageddon) aziraphale misses letter writing, so he and crowley start to write each other letters. it's easier to confess things on paper, even if they never mention the contents of their letters when they meet in person. it gets so dirty so fast (and aziraphale signing off every one with Your Dear Friend after detailing how he wants to tear crowley to pieces makes me wheeze laugh every time)

Demon and Angel Professors by Ghostinthehouse

T • series of 200 works, 133k total • human AU (professors) an incredible collection of drabbles (this bitch somehow makes every one 666 words) following a universe where aziraphale and crowley are both professors at the same uni. a mix of them and outsider povs, starting from the "two professors are married but no one realises it's to each other" trope, turning into some wonderful soft stories that reveal more of their relationship history, and loads of moments of queer and disabled solidarity.

#good omens fic recs #good omens #rat reads

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marleyybluu · 2 years

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Late Night

Word count: 536

Genre: Smut

Warning(s): Literally porn with no plot lol

(not my pic.)

'Ooh babe, you just fell in love with me again.'

YN whimpered gently sinking her teeth into his warm skin, his hand flat against her back pressing her chest against his, their bodies moulded as the slow song played through the apartment.

'Said ooh, babe, to think we started out as only friends.'

She loved feeling his girth fill her to capacity, her hips forming a rhythmic circular motion as she inched closer to her climax, her head tipped back and her plump lips parted. Her lover took the opportunity to attach his lips to her exposed neck, leaving even more bruises on her brown skin.

"Fuck... yes." She mumbled. His hands went to her hips gently digging his fingertips into her soft flesh. "Christopher! Oh my God!"

"That's it, mamas. Ride that dick." He encouraged. Her eyes rolled only showing the whites of her eyeballs, her motions became sloppy even with the extra assist. "I'm gonna fucking cum."

YN had lost track of how many times she'd said that for the night, she coated his member in her juices and stayed in his hold. Her entire body was trembling yet she wanted more. Loving Rio was the sweetest sin, she had a love/hate relationship with the feeling he gave her, the rush of excitement he provided in her life and the way he put her on a pedestal, constantly spoiling her with gifts and affection.

She buried her head in his neck, his hands rubbing all over her body, and she clung to him while he switched their positions. They held each other close, he rocked his hips into hers and she let out a short groan when his tip pushed against her spot. Tears brimmed her lower lids from the intense pleasure, he fucked her like it would be the last time.

His warm breath tickled her skin, he slowly penetrated her, lifting his head to see her many love faces. "I love this dick daddy." She muttered.

"You like me in that pussy? Huh?" He asked. She gasped holding on to her building orgasm, he roughly squeezed her hips waiting for the answer. "Yes! Yes!"

Rio wrapped his hand around her neck squeezing her airway, she was starting to spill onto the sheets creating a wet spot. He leaned down capturing her in a sloppy kiss, he moaned sending chills down her spine, he pulled away seeing her eyes flutter. Rio was throbbing inside of her, she locked her legs around him, he groaned burying himself deeper and releasing his cream. YN's body trembled when his high triggered her own.

The two stayed in that position while the intensity slowed down. Rio rolled onto the bed, he turned his head noticing her eyes slightly closing, he chuckled and her eyes snapped open. "What?"

"Nothing."

YN kissed her teeth. "You're so annoying." He reached for the lamp to turn off the light, he put the blanket over the both of them, she turned to face him and smiled tapping his nose with her index finger. He quietly chuckled pulling her into him, she wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her forehead on his chest.

It didn't take long before he heard YN lightly snoring, Rio smiled kissing the top of her head. "I love you."

Probably writing all weekend, might have a lil schedule or sumn cus I'm going back to work soon 😭

if you liked this short story make sure to like this short story, comment, reblogs help. Working on another Rio one because I'm re-obsessed with Good Girls.

#Spotify #rio x black!reader #rio x black!character #rio x poc! reader #rio x poc!character #rio #goodgirls #rio fanfic #rio smut #marleysfanfictions #marleywrites #good girls rio #rio good girls

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serendipitous-imagines · 10 months

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hi! Can you do a jjba scenario with Pannacotta Fugo and a male partner. More specifically, him introducing them to the gang, their reactions, and some coming-out themes? Not sure is this is to specific or vague but thanks for your time!

Oops I perhaps may have gone a little bit overboard with these headcanons! I just loved this prompt so much and imagining how everyone would react is just sooooo sweet!!!

PANNACOTTA FUGO

✦ When Fugo first brought up the concept of introducing you to the gang, you were admittedly nervous. You had only heard stories about his teammates and how wild they could be, especially reacting to you being Fugo's boyfriend. Fugo did his best to reassure you about everyone's potential reactions, though you could tell that he had his own nerves about the announcement. ✦ Fugo made the announcement during dinner when everyone was at the table. He had brought you out, his fingers tightly intertwined with yours the entire time. His hand was very sweaty and the tips of his fingers would rub against your knuckles constantly. ✦ "Everyone, this is my boyfriend, Y/N. Don't be bastards or else I am going to spoon your eyeballs out while you sleep." ✦ There was a bit of silence across the table, the surprise of Fugo's coming out and introduction of you as his partner having been unexpected news for the tight. In the silence, Fugo squeezed your hand tighter and tried to keep his breathing calm, glaring everyone at the table down. ✦ Narancia was the first to jump up and wrap his arms around the both of you and start bouncing around, shaking the both of you. He was very focused on asking Fugo's new boyfriend a million questions at once about things like what kind of music you were into, what types of video games you enjoyed, and whatever else came to his mind. Fugo ended up putting a hand over Narancia's mouth to quiet him from continuing to ask all of his questions. ✦ Bruno was the second to get up and apologize for the lack of a chair at the table for you. Bruno was also soft to scold Fugo for not forewarning him that there was going to be such a special guest. The whole time though he was smiling and he made sure to give you a hug, muttering a "welcome to the family" to you, which caused your boyfriend's face to flush with embarrassment. ✦ Abbacchio had what could be described as a knowing smirk on his face. He did not have many words but he did give both you and Fugo a nod of approval as he got up to grab the chair that Bruno wanted and go grab a new bottle of wine for the table. ✦ "I didn't know Fugo had game like that- tell me, did he pay you off to be his boyfriend?" Mista had gotten up after Bruno was finished talking to you, smacking his hands against both of your backs. Fugo smacked Mista in the arm and muttered a curse under his breath about how he had won his boyfriend over all by himself. ✦ Giorno was extremely polite, offering both you and Fugo congratulations on your relationship and for coming out to the team. He did not seem like a man of many words but his presence did feel comforting. His energy made it seem like he was going to protect you with his life like he did the others, making you feel especially welcomed and safe. ✦ Trish was very eager for a new face to join the team. While everyone was crowding around you and Fugo, she waited until there was a break. She quickly bounced up, hugging you and patting Fugo on the shoulder. "I am so proud of both of you~ I will be asking for all the details later, though~" she winked at you and gestured you over to the table to join everyone in eating and celebrating. ✦ The rest of the evening was spent as a celebration with everyone ordering plenty of food and desserts, and pouring many glasses of wine. Fugo seemed to be in a very happy mood, and you swore you could even see some tears of happiness prickling in his eyes while he was at the table with you and the people he considered to be his family.

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katasstrophy · 1 year

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isagi brain juice ! enjoy this lil sneak peek of what i’m working on (isagi’s lowk a dick here but we humble him, but then we get humbled back ) —

isagi knew you were moody. it was something he disciplined himself to be patient for and he prided himself in being able to handle your mood swings. but right now he’s just trying to think of a way to not let his veins pop out of frustration.

“you’re being dramatic, i told you it was my fault already!” isagi frowned, his index and thumb rubbing the temples of his forehead to soothe the little headache forming.

“if you know it’s your fault then why aren’t you apologizing?” scoffing at his eye roll you pause your cleaning on the countertop and cross your arms at him, foot tapping in annoyance.

“because YN you should know that practice is irregular— if you’d told me that your parents were coming over earlier i’d have asked for a day off!”

gritting your teeth in anger you walked up to the man and rivaled his glare with your own, temper flaring at his ignorance. “yoichi i don’t want to have to hear that bullshit excuse from you ever again because like you, i’m also an athlete and i have better time management than blue lock’s so called hero.”

letting out a huff of anger isagi throws his head back and feels his patience thrown out the window. any self control he had before was now gone.

“just because you have better time management doesn’t mean shit to me YN. you don’t need an ego for your sport, i do. my career literally depends on me and my confidence to kick the ball. so sorry if i don’t have time to play house with you.”

before isagi could walk away you made sure to grab the silver necklace he wore- the one with your initials on it and drag him down to you height— eyes flaring in anger, and with a low voice you whisper in his ear as your words trembled in anger. “ don’t take it out on me that you don’t have the balls to kick a fucking football isagi yoichi. just because you’re too pussy to consistently keep an ego doesn’t mean you can disrespect our relationship.” grabbing his jaw firmly you make the blue eyed boy look into your eyes, making sure his line of vision was focused on you. “unlike you yoichi i’m not a dog to ego. following his orders to a T. why don’t you just wear a collar with his name on it? that way when he wants to go on a walk he can just strap a leash on you whenever he pleases.”

laughing to yourself you release his necklace and began to walk away— but not before isagi grabs the back of your shirt and drags you back to him, his arms harshly man-handling you to lay on the table, pinning yours against smooth surface as he let out a growl of frustration.

“you’ve gotten mouthy ever since you landed a spot on the national team YN. i recommend to think before you speak because i’ll make sure you never say that shit to me again.” he seethed.

pressing your arms harder onto the surface he felt himself smirk at your whimper.

“if i’m a dog then you’re my bitch. remember that pretty.”

the way i’ve been hogging this all too myself like a professional hoarder literally WHAT THE FUCK KAYLA i can’t keep going on like this. like WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT WHOOOOO ALLOWED YOU TO ASSULT MY EYEBALLS WITH THIS TOE CURLING DRABBLE???? the audacity. no consideration for my wellbeing and sanity ABSOLUTELY NONE ZERO hope ur ready to cover my medical bills bc i have permanent asthma from wheezing so hard while reading this i am NOOTTTT OKAAYYY SCREECHING TEARING MY HAIR OUT

where do i even START you’ve been feeding me ur angry isagi agenda for a while now BUT THIS IS NEXT LEVEL CAUTION HOT MIGHT BURN SCALDING …. i will quite literally never get tired of readers being just as much IF NOT MORE of an asshole especially when it comes to bllk boys like ,,,, YES BBIE BE NASTY AND DEPRAVED AND A MASSIVE JERK WITH ANGER ISSUES i want every blue lock guy ever to go “is my type insane women??? hot” i’m foaming at the mouf coochie weeping

AND BOY DID YOU DELIVVEERRRRRR. like the argument here is so insane(ly sexy). they went off so hard the clap backs??? i gasped out loud it was vicious instant hit call the firemen for that type of first degree burn kinda insults. reader grabbing ISAGI’S CHAIN WITH HER INITIALS TO BRING HIM TO EYE LEVEL what if i came what then. there’s just so much audacity and tension bc they’re both pro athletes.

“if i’m your dog then you’re my bitch. remember that pretty.” THIS TOOK ME OUUTTTT LOORRDDD. the contrast of bitch and pretty like yeah he’s gonna hate fuck the shit out of you on the kitchen counter but ur still his pretty baby he’s obsessed with you.

#the image of isagi with a collar….. will never leave my mind now fuckfuck IM GONNA NUT PLSSSS #get big pro player isagi all subby for you while yanking on his collar with ur name bc he missed another visit with ur parents :(((( </3333 #first time he took his anger out on you and you were left screaming his name but now it’s your turn #THIS IS FOUL THIS IS CRIMINAL KAYLA WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY AM I SUPPOSED TO GO ABOUT MY DAY NOW LIKE EVERYTHINGS NORMAL NAAUUURRR STOP #THIS MADNESS IMMEDIATELY I WILL COMBUST #someday…… i will get you back #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi yoichi smut #lame bf isagi <3 #—my dearest<3 (kayla)#—riv.favs!

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woundlingus · 1 month

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I think u said a while ago that getaway car is lokiel coded and it took me til now to realize how right you are. Any other lokiel song recs?? 👀 (Or any song for that matter 💕)

Oh I would LOVE to answer this because yes of course

Black Sheep, Metric (personally I love the Brie Larson version but the original has a more… I don’t know, tang? A more bitter edge? Original for Lokiel, Brie Larson for easy listening)

Loki @ Gabriel

“Hello again, friend of a friend, I knew you when our common goal was waiting for the world to end. Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend, you crack the whip, shape-shift and trick the past again”

Good Looking, Suki Waterhouse

Gabriel @ Loki

“Play casino holes of my eyeballs. Roll the dice on my thighs. You stop for breath and I sped up just to impress you. The skyline falls as I try to make sense of it all, I thought I'd uncovered your secrets, but turns out there's more.”

Promises, NERO (change in genre but you’ll have to trust me on it)

Gabriel @ Loki

“You got me so wild, how can I ever deny? You got me so high, so high I cannot feel the fire. And you keep telling me, telling me that you'll be sweet, and you'll never want to leave my side, as long as I don't break these- Promises, and they still feel oh so wasted on myself.”

Big God, Florence & The Machine (lyrically this sounds like a love song but you have to hear her sing it so bitterly to get it)

Loki @ Gabriel

“You need a big god. Big enough to fill you up. You keep me up at night. To my messages, you do not reply. You know I still like you the most, the best of the best and the worst of the worst.”

Too Close, Sir Chloe

Loki @ Gabriel

“Bringing party favours, dollar bills rolled nice and neat. Party boy, you’ve took too much it’s time for you to leave. I want to want you baby, but you’re making it so hard. I try and bite the bullet and just take you as your are. You get so close, take the one I love the most. I think it’s time for you to go.”

Bedroom Hymns, Florence and the Machine

“Spilt milk tears, I did this for you. Spilling all over the idle, the black and the blue. The sweetest submission, drinking it in. The wine, the women, and the bedroom hymns.”

Since you’re a sabriel lover too I’ll drop Mean it, K.Flay

“So when I say I love you I want to mean it, ‘cause I say a lot of things that I don't mean. And when I say I want to I want to mean it, ‘cause I know not to say yes to just anything.”

And because I’ve been really into this one lately I’ll drop it anyway, Brutus, The Buttress for Asmodeus and I can’t clip it because it’s truly the entire song start to end if you think about his relationship to Lucifer

And I need to stop now or I’ll literally never shut up

#song recs #asks #lokiel #supernatural #spn #sabriel #gabriel spn

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thezoraprince · 1 year

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The Little Things - Bazz x reader

“🚪💥Im back! What about some angst if you’re up for it, what would getting in an argument be like with Bazz and/or Sidon be like? And obviously a make up because we cannot end this on a sad note!” - @rocklover719

(2/2 BAZZ)

okay, again, had to write both of these, because you can’t not get Bazz content from me now. i know i write this man to be a blubbering mess of anxiety, but i wanted some angst, too, so i hope you’re okay with that (and i’m sure you are from the ask lolllll). i loved writing this one, and i hope you enjoy :) <3

(you can find Sidon here)

y/n - your name

Bazz is so passionate about your relationship

and he would go to the ends of the earth to please you

but when you two argue, it’s usually over something little

but oh boy does it escalate

and it escalates quick

you both get extremely heated

you’ll try to talk it out, but it will get to be too much

and you’ll definitely get a sarcastic “I’m sorry!”

“I didn’t realize it was suuuuch a big deal, y/n!”

*insert an eyeball from Bazz here*

because Bazz absolutely thinks you’re overreacting

the little things do matter, even to him

but instead of admitting he needs some space to think, Bazz will storm off

he’s so upset, but mostly at the situation

because it’s stupid

he’ll end up saying something he doesn’t mean

because he’s ANGRY

and you’re FURIOUS at him for taking it so far

but here’s the real kicker

he’s absolutely in denial about being in the wrong

and it will follow him to work

he’ll be upset with the guard members for no reason

and he doesn’t even have to explain

they know what’s going on just from the way he’s behaving

because he wouldn’t behave like that after an argument with anyone else

“Are you alright Captain? You seem a little... agitated...”

“I’m fine!” *door slamming sound here*

and once he realizes that he needs to apologize

or after he’s heard from someone in the domain about how you’ve been an emotional wreck

he’ll isolate himself somewhere EXTREMELY secluded

because he can’t have the members of the Zora Guard seeing their captain cry

he’s so hard on himself after

he knows you need your space as well

so he’ll stay with Seggin until he knows you’re ready to talk

or at least until he calms down

he’ll ask Seggin for advice, which usually helps him to mellow out

“The little things do matter, Bazz. And you know that. Even if you’re not in the wrong in this specific situation, you are absolutely in the wrong for reacting the way you have. I’m disappointed in you.”

and he’s a BIG mess after that conversation

and he’ll come home late in the night to you already in bed

he’ll crawl into bed with you and snuggle close, kissing your cheek

you can feel the tears on his face

“You don’t have to respond right now. I know you’re angry at me, and you should be. I’m angry at me, too. But, I wanted to apologize. Since it’s late, let’s get some sleep. We can discuss it in the morning, okay? I love you, my precious minnow.”

And in the morning, you make breakfast together

you sit down to chat while eating

and you’ll both end up apologizing

“I shouldn’t have reacted that way, and I’m very sorry I hurt you, y/n. You deserve better, and I need to be better… for you. I love you more than words can say, y/n, and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

you both are ugly crying over being so upset

and he’ll give you the BIGGEST hug after you make up

and don’t worry, he’s already taken the day off to fully make it up to you

because you are what matters most to him

“If I EVER act that way again, I want you to hit me with the back end of my spear, got it?”

and he would NEVER act that way again... ever

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sercezgazety · 2 months

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Hello, I read your fic Variations and Fugue on a Theme, and I liked it! I always like when the narrator goes from talking about the present and the past smoothly, without spelling it out for the reader.

Do you have any further ideas for why Herbert mentions being put on Thorazine and (I assume) committed to a hospital as a child? You also write that his parents taught him that breathing through your mouth was bad manners, and that's all I saw that could point to his parents. He's obviously focusing on the most recent important event in his life, but it surprised me a little to see his mind not wander back to his childhood more while in solitary confinement.

I was also wondering what you intended with the repetition of the phrase "you take what you can get". I took it to mean that Herbert is trying to reevaluate every situation he thinks of, and the one he's currently in, to make himself more competent. He can't delude himself into thinking he made no mistakes, but he can delude himself into thinking he's smart enough that the mistakes don't really affect him that much, or actually have secret upsides that no one but him would be smart enough to utilize (like how he insists he likes solitary confinement because unlike him, other people need "contact with the rest of the primates") He has less paper but it doesn't matter, he has most of it memorized, and then he just needs paper for more advanced calculations, and then he can barely remember the word tinnitus and then he's only been writing the word Dan. But he brushes this off; he's "not sure how it happened", and then just flushes it down the toilet. Of course, mentally, and physically since the toilet backs up and overflows, Dan always comes back.

And, why did Herbert break all the fingers in that man's hand, if you have a specific reason.

Hiii, thank you so much!

As for the thorazine mentions, that's how I imagine it went down after Gruber's death - in the extended cut, Meg does mention he was put on a psychiatric observation after the, uh. Exploding eyeballs thing. I'd assume he wasn't concerned that much with his parents; from what the novelization tells us, they died early on and there's a strong suggestion that it was Herbert who was responsible for their demise (something that would probably be very traumatic to a child, but Herbert compartmentalizes shit; also, in my head, the not breathing through the mouth thing was something Herbert was taught not by his parents but in the institution he grew up in). It was Dr. Gruber that Herbert actually trusted and considered a father figure. In the greatest scene in cinematic history, we get to see That Single Tragic Tear Rolling Down Herbert's Cheek when Hill mentions Gruber. After all, Herbert comes to Miskatonic because he has a vendetta against Hill - though it's not his but Gruber's work that the asshole plagiarized. Gruber's death is something that clearly affected him, and I think Herbert dragged Dan into his work not only because he needed an extra pair of hands or, as the fandom tends to think, because he was attracted to Dan. I think Herbert wanted to recreate the mentor-mentee relationship to some extent, though this time, given how much Dr. Hill sucked and how there was no mentor figure available, he cast himself in that role.

Plus, of course, he latched onto Dan for... Reasons, whatever they were, and I'm not sure Herbert's fully prepared to face them, especially after Dan's betrayal. While Gruber's death must have hurt, it was easy to rationalize - but what Dan did? Oh boy. The second person in Herbert's life to be trusted, and he went and violated that trust like that. So, like you said, Herbert tries to brush the entire experience off, treating Dan as less than a person, denying any bond they might have had, swearing up and down this doesn't concern him at all, and still obsessively coming back to the memory of Dan - the man he thought he moulded into something he needed, but in reality, the man he was entirely dependent on. The guy who had the nerve to be his own person anyway, to show Herbert wasn't completely in control. The audacity!

It's pretentious as shit, but I intended to make the fic similar to a fugue - a piece that's sort of structured by a returning theme or a set of them, with numerous repetitions and variations on what we've already grown familiar with. The "you make it work" phrase is one of numerous things that keep coming back (the sound of the lightbulb being the most prominent one). Moreover, it's one of the many lies Herbert repeatedly tells himself (like "you don't remember much," "he'll come," the notion of settling for Dan, not choosing him, the assumption that Herbert remains unaffected by his surroundings and by Dan's betrayal). He's fine. He's fiiiiine, doing great.

He obsesses over those things to such an extent, he doesn't have the time to obsess about more distant past (like childhood). His brain is way too busy trying to delude itself into believing it's not fixating on Dan. Which it very, very obviously is. As for the broken fingers, well, I didn't want to be too specific and I intentionally left things vague, but there are, hmm, crumbs of context for that in the last chapter of The Pending Details (an attempted assault by an inmate who didn't know who he was dealing with and what is Herbert capable of. The answer being A Lot).

Anyways, thanks for reading and thank you so, so much for the lovely message!

#me? overthinking? never #vulgarized pop-psychoanalysis for the winnn

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robinofgothamcity · 2 years

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"if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life. “

♡ character: zack sabre jr

♡ pronouns used: she / her

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / hiiii ik i haven't updated in a while i was just lazy but ig im back and employed now!! and i'm also wildly obsessed with zack sabre jr at the moment so heres a throwback to forbidden door. might be a bit short but its whatever.

"zack, ive done my time in japan, AEW seems like a great opportunity for me," you told him, seeing his face dropping and looking at the ground, "you knew i didn't have much time on my contract and i wasn't planning on staying."

zack sighed, not knowing what to respond with. he didn't want to sound selfish nor did he think you were in the wrong but he couldn't imagine a time where you weren't with him. the two of you came to japan together, spent each of your time working respectfully in Stardom and New Japan.

"i know but maybe i thought you'd stay if i asked," you smiled, sitting next to him and putting your head on his shoulder, "remember our pact? if neither of us were in relationships by the time we hit our mid thirties we'd just marry each other? i stand by that."

he laughed, shoving you playfully.

"you're no where near thirty but maybe i'll marry you the next time i see you."

this time it was your turn to laugh. you knew zack liked to joke around with you but sometimes it was hard to decipher if what he was saying was true or not, "please, like you haven't been eyeballing. i heard stories from maki," you replied, now getting up and stealing the jacket off of his chair, "but maybe i'll let you marry me the next time you come to the states. i guess we'll see."

giving him one final wink, you walked away and shut the door slowly. you could see zack's saddened face and a part of you wanted to go back and just hug him but you knew that if you lingered around any longer, the goodbye would get even harder.

“if you are not too long, i will wait here for you all my life."

you heard the mutter from zack and tried to contain your tears.

it had been three years since your departure from Stardom and you had been running around AEW since then. you had your fair share of feuds with britt, penelope, and nyla but currently, you were in a feud with rosa for the AEW women's belt.

you had secured a match for the forbidden door pay-per-view against rosa and while you were happy to fight against her on such a big stage, you had heard rumblings about who from New Japan was going to make their way to the states to wrestle your co-workers and one of the names going around was zack.

you talked to zack every now and again but it was nothing like how it was before. you hadn't heard from any of the girls in Stardom if zack was in a relationship but you couldn't say the same. you had been in a few relationships since departing from japan but none of them ever lasted.

the only one that lasted a bit longer than the rest was with maxwell jacob friedman but that was only because you joined the pinnacle when they formed which not only made you his girlfriend but his valet as well. during your time with max made many people wonder why you were even with him. one of those people was zack who was beyond shocked to see the way you acted with him. it wasn't anything like how you were in japan and frankly, it made his stomach stir each time you were visibly making out with max.

"guess what i heard," penelope said singing into your ear. you looked up from your latop in confusion, "zack is in building," your eyes widened in shock as you heard kip giggling behind her, "it's not funny to lie especially when i'm on next."

penelope shook her head, "i'm not lying! kip was speaking to him earlier. he's very interested in seeing you again." before you could respond, you felt rosa's arm go around your shoulder, "lets go! we're next."

you gave one final look to penelope who kept muttering that she wasn't lying. you knew penelope would never lie to you but you hadn't seen zack since you arrived got to the building which was a lot earlier than most did.

rosa went onto the ramp first getting heavy cheers from everyone as you cracked your neck in anticipation. the two of you weren't due to wrestle but more or less rough each other up. you were wearing you SPLX sweater, the exact same one you stole from zack, and blue jeans. it wasn't your most stylish outfit in comparison to rosa but you knew it would do the job.

"breath, maybe what penelope told you was just to mess around with you," you whispered as you heard your theme going off. you went out of the heel tunnel, a smirk plastered on your face, "oh fuck off you dickheads!" you yelled.

you walked slower than usual into the ring as you made sure to give rosa as much time as possible to get herself comfortable on her side of the ring. you blew one final kiss as rosa cut you off and immediately starting her promo.

you chewed your gum obnoxiously, something that would make matt menard proud. you knew this would be last time you'd face rosa before forbidden door and you had to perfect your promo more than ever.

"oh rosa, it's really embarrassing that you're standing her not being able to compete at the rate britt was when she had the title. you should consider handing the belt over to me now so you don't embarrass yourself on Sunday. you've never been against a submission master like myself before and it'd really suck to see you injured after our match so like i said i'm willing to take the belt off of you and we can call it even, alright?"

rosa laughed as she tossed the belt to the side.

"submission master? that's a funny name to call yourself considering the only person who's had that name is zack sabre jr himself and he's not here right now so how about you stop embarrassing him. we all know how happy he was when you left him and its even more embarrassing that you're walking around here in his clothes three years later!"

your eyes widened as you dove to attack her. you went for her legs immediately you put her in a submission hold making her cry out in agony. it wasn't until you heard a very familiar theme song go off through the speakers making you look up when you realized that the rumors were true.

the crowd went nuts as you stared at zack making his way through the heel tunnel. you stared at him not believing that this was the way he would make his AEW debut and not with bryan who you assumed would be the one he was going against.

you kicked rosa one final time as she rolled out of the ring. you stood in the middle of it and continued to stare down at him, disbelief written all over your face. zack made his way towards the ring, making sure to spew insults at the crowd before finally climbing in and standing in front of you.

everyone in the building went quiet as you felt your body jerk forward to hug zack. the entire crowd started to boo as you felt him laughing against you. you knew that zack wasn't exactly someone who would be hurt with this reaction but you could see that he was holding you tighter than usual.

zack finally pulled himself back and held your hand up as your theme went off. you wanted nothing more than to curse zack out for not telling you he'd be here but you knew you'd have more than enough time to do it backstage. he opened the ropes to help you out of the ring and as you gave one final middle finger to the crowd, zack stood behind you clapping proudly.

as the two of you reached the back, you immediately jumped on him and shoved your face in his shoulder, "you asshole, why didn't you tell me?" you screamed into it. zack patted your back, "had to make sure you still weren't with that dickhead maxwell before i reunited with you."

you could see penelope and kip watching you from afar as they muttered an, "i told you". you paid them no mind as you continued to hug zack, "i missed you so much," you whispered in his ear as you now let your tears fall freely. he could feel the wetness of the tears on his shirt as he hugged your closer.

once you finally pulled away, zack wiped the tears away before pulling you into a more secluded corner.

"i couldn't tell you because i was practically sworn to secrecy until i got into the building," he finally explained. you smiled at him weakly when you realized that he would only be here for about a week until he had to return to japan, "you're leaving after Sunday, aren't you?" you murmured sadly.

zack nodded as he grabbed your hand, "i don't want to but my contract isn't up with new japan yet. if i could stay here just to be with you, i'd do it in a heartbeat," he replied. you closed your eyes, not wanting to cry again but you knew that it was useless to grow closer to him again when he'd have to return just as quickly as he came.

"fuck, this forbidden door bullshit really screwed us up, didn't it?" you joked, wiping away your tears again. zack nodded as he realized that the gift he had in your pocket felt like it was burning him from the anticipation, "remember the last thing we told each other before you left?"

you remained confused for a few seconds until zack went down on one knee when you finally realized what he was speaking about. you saw him pull out a tiny silver ring from his pocket.

"i told you i'd marry you the next time i saw you so how about we go through with it? nothing is stopping us from running to some random officiant and getting married after this," your mouth fell from surprise but you nodded almost immediately, "lets do it," you whispered as he put the ring on your finger.

you went up for a steaming kiss with no intention of releasing him anytime soon. zack felt your fingers running through his hair and let you continue to kiss him until he was out of breath.

"maybe i'll have to ask for an excursion run here in amerca just to spend more time with you," zack whispered against your lips. you giggled, "or maybe i'll be the one to go to you. i know they're doing the princess of princess championship soon and i could see if i can contend for it."

zack's smile widened even more as he spun you around in excitement, "Well lets go mrs.sabre, we have a lot of things to do tonight," he said holding your hand and twirling the ring around your finger.

you nodded, giving him one final kiss on the lips before finding penelope. you knew you'd need a witness and possibly someone to vouch for you when the news inevitably got out that you married zack.

#zsj #zack sabre jr #njpw #new japan pro wrestling #njpw imagine #njpw x reader #njpw fic #zsj imagine #zsj x reader #zack sabre jr imagine #zack sabre jr x reader #aew #aew imagine #aew x reader #wrestling imagine #wrestling fic

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candyskiez · 6 months

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give me ur opinion on MY favourite characters (amethyst, spinel and pink/rose)

oh HELL YEAH LETS GO. am probably gonna throw myself into the Hoards with this but fuck it, I've died on worse hills.

at first, I didn't like amethyst but MAN she grew on me. on the run really sold me on shit so hard because. god, so much about her made sense. she doesn't try because nothing she does is enough for people around her. she's still not good enough. so why even try if the standards are just gonna get higher? why even try if the only person who thought she was good enough was gone and NOBODY else seemed to see her. nobody else cared. her bond with steven just makes me so??? aeroufhh. god, the disabled solidarity is everything to me. amethyst growing and "I am not less because of how I was made, I'm enough as I am." it's!! shes never gonna be the main Brainrot but god. I do love her. her fight with jasper still fucks me up. "you didn't even need me at all." she sees what she was SUPPOSED to be and she hates it and yet envies it. the thing that really made me understand her more though is reformed. her trying to figure out what everyone wants from her and just the showing of when you're only criticized and only torn down, of course you stop trying. she doesn't want to self reflect. she doesn't want to be alone with her thoughts. she doesn't want to have to look at what she is right now. it honestly makes me wonder, how much of her attachment to rose was because she gave her a purpose. she felt so lost and lonely and rose gave her meaning. and she tried to attach on to greg for that meaning but it wasn't enough and she had no sense of identity of her own and. god, she's so interesting. I WISH the show wasn't shortened so we could see more of how SHE felt about rose because the build up was wonderful. her bitterness towards greg while also craving his company, I NEED to know why she transformed into rose the first time, I need to know how she feels about pink diamond because! man! her going "she was supposed to make things better" is so interesting. she was supposed to make it stop hurting, she was supposed to help me! she was supposed to be the only one who believed in me and she was supposed to tell me what I could really be. she's deceptively dependent on others and it's so wonderful to see her grow. to see her become secure in herself is just. so fucking cool, dude. she isn't my favorite favorite, but I do LOVE the implications of her relationship with rose. I wanna know More!!!! tell me MORE!!!!!! did she idolize rose because she was a quartz just like her yet she was better, she was her own person and so lovable and perfect. and maybe she could be that. how much of that betrayal at rose being pink was her thinking "you were supposed to make me better. why couldn't you make me better." her trying to cling onto rose saying she was perfect as she was. her needing to learn to have her OWN worth, isolated from what rose thought of her. I really loved her telling steven, no, you should've trusted me in future. I like it! I love them being siblings man idk.

spinel,, man. I will forever be impressed by how the crew handled her because they had one movie and one episode to make us love her and they DID. the concept of spinels are. Mildly horrifying! holy shit! just meant to be fucking toys??? I saw someone point out pearl going "but she can't be serious" could be that like pearls are supposed to have no desires outside of their owners spinels are supposed to only feel happy and be funny and silly and Can Never Be Serious. which! horrible! it's just,, ohhh my god. she's the inner child that's what she is. she attaches to everyone so fast and is constantly trying to get approval and it's just. arufhjffjdjdj. I don't think she's my absolute favorite BUT she is very interesting and her songs are so good. her design??? the fucking tear dripping mascara and the loony toons looking!!! god. her lines are also so fucking raw. "when you change, you change for the better. when I change, I change for the WORSE." her voice acting is top tier. it's insane to me because they had *one movie* to get us hooked on her character. they had *one movie* to get you rooting for her redemption. a few hours. and they somehow did it. that resetting everyone to the beginning thing was fucking GENIUS. she's such a good antagonist and god, shes irrational and unfair but I Get It. she, again, has the vibes of an angry traumatized kid. she's so angry and lonely and she's irrational and man, therapists would have a field day w her. also again her fucking design. looney toons looking ass. I want to kiss her forehead.

rose is how you do a ghost of the narrative fucking RIGHT. she's the heart of the narrative, everyone can change, everyone can be a better person than they were yesterday and the idea that there's a level of bad you Can Never Come Back From isn't helping anyone. and also she's exactly what the narrative warns against. someone who decided she could never come back from what she did, and instead of trying to fix things or make things right, she chose to die. she doomed herself not because she was irredeemable but because she was convinced she was irredeemable. she had changed *so much* from being pink diamond and she couldn't see it. she didn't try to apologize or put things right. she thought the world would be better without her and left even more pain in her wake and it's just. she's one of the biggest tragedies of the show. her kindness and encouraging everyone to change is the heart of it and her deciding SHE can't change and should just die is what the show warns against. it's so good. it hurts to think of how much better it would be if the show had more time to explore it but god. she's such a compelling character. she's so morally gray. I wanna punch her and I wanna hug her at the same time. shes so morally gray and has so much good inside her and did so many awful things and she's so complicated and she's a person and she is the heart of this fucking show. I love her, we need to talk was an excellent episode and helped me understand her so bad. fucking excellent. god I just. she's an EXCELLENT character. please get her a fucking therapist. and take her away from pearl and spinel until theyve all worked on themselves in therapy. ty gn

(ask me things!)

#amethyst su #su amethyst #steven universe amethyst #amethyst steven universe #rose quartz su #su rose quartz #steven universe rose quartz #rose quartz steven universe #spinel su #su spinel #steven universe spinel #spinel steven universe #steven universe spoilers #su spoilers #su #steven universe

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onlyswan · 11 months

Note

GODDAMN IT ARTEMIS HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME FEEL THINGS LIKE THAT AFTER THAT LAST DRABBLE!

i am such a sucker for domestic fluff and the way you capture not just jungkook’s personality, but the also realities of being in a relationship so perfectly makes me so happy. although i’ve been a long time reader, i’ve been too shy to say anything and im sorry ;( but i’ve read and re-read every drabble in the in which series and they honestly make me feel so at home.

my favourite part from the most recent drabble has to be:

"you're so beautiful." he thinks out loud, ‘lovestruck' written all over his softened features. i wish there's a better word for it. ehh, uhh, there probably is but..”

his forehead creases as he exerts mental power to flip through his dictionary, eyeballs pointing in different directions as if he will read the word somewhere on the walls.

“but i can't think of one right now... my brain isn't working."

the compliment told dreamily makes your fragile heart beat louder inside your ribcage. concealing a flattered smile, you shake your head in disbelief.

“you think changing the topic like this will work?"

the water sloshes around as you inch closer, running the cloth over his shoulders and across his collarbones.

" i mean it." he replies firmly, hands sneaking in to caress the sides of your waist, fingertips grazing your skin to trace amorphous drawings. “i didn't always get the chance to look at you... like take my time and, really look at you. i hate that."

something about this moment right here makes my heart flutter, even if it’s not the most poetic part of the drabble. jk’s unfiltered love for o/c coming out in just a couple of words and longing gazes seriously brings tears to my eyes. nothing over the top, or too complicated just some simple, good ol fashioned loving.

i did not mean for this to be as long as it is lol, it’s just really easy to praise your works. i love your writing, and i love you. keep doing what you’re doing, you’re doing amazing :)

HEHEHE 🤭 MY WRITING MAKING YOU CURSE IS SO SATISFYING LOL the goal is always to make you feel things :P

thank you so much anonie! i totally understand why you’d feel shy but i’m happy you finally slid into my inbox with this 🥺 you seem so sweet and lovely i appreciate you tons <3

AHHHH i love this part too. imagining and writing it made me so >:((( i want to squish him so bad

jk’s unfiltered love for o/c coming out in just a couple of words and longing gazes seriously brings tears to my eyes.

damn it now i’m also emotional </3 screaming into my pillow brb

long messages talking about a drabble is always my favorite so we good 🥹 it truly means a lot to me to know what you think! makes all the effort worth it and motivates me to execute other ideas <3 i love youuuu and i hope you have a great week ahead 🫂

#art’s post office ☁️#for keeps <3

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godza · 1 year

Text

is rika from the pokemon champion interview a girl or boy or neither because they are exceedingly attractive. I was hit by the pouring flames and pain started to spread through my entire body.

i accidentally copypasted orv 188 here sorry

…It hurt. It really hurt. My skin cracked from the high temperature and my eyeballs felt ripe.

Jung Heewon endured her tears and kept attacking me. The flames that destroyed evil burned away at my wounds and all my flesh.

I probably would’ve fainted from the pain if it wasn’t for Fourth Wall. Even so, my body didn’t break.

The shocked Jung Heewon asked, “What is going on with your body?”

“…The damage is probably too insufficient.”

The rate of my stamina consumption was accelerated but it wasn’t enough to kill me in the remaining time. I didn’t expect that even Jung Heewon wouldn’t be sufficient.

Honestly, I was at a loss for words. Maybe it was because I was judged to be ‘narrative-grade.’

[The nebula ‘Vedas’ is rejoicing in your pain.]

[The remaining attack time is 10 minutes.]

[The constellations of the nebula ‘Papyrus’ are making a toast.]

This was just the beginning. A huge shock wave spread through the hall and my body started to grow again.

[The third phase of the ’73rd Demon King’ is starting.]

[Your body has become harder.]

We had now reached the third phase. I shouted without feeling panic, “Everybody, stay awake! Do you remember?”

The party members nodded and skillfully changed the formation. However, I could see that Cho Youngran’s Mechanical Gateway Array Method had slightly collapsed from my explosive increase in magic power. In the end, Cho Youngran coughed up blood and sat down. The timing of this was faster than expected. Demonic energy started to fill the whole hall and the party members became weaker as they received debuffs.

Now I had to borrow a hand that I hadn’t wanted to borrow.

[The constellation who doesn’t yet have a name is looking at his incarnation.]

Shin Yoosung trembled after receiving my message and shook her head. My incarnation Shin Yoosung had felt my determination long ago.

‘Ahjussi, I can’t do it. Please.’

I stared at Shin Yoosung.

This was the relationship between a constellation and incarnation. Rather than speaking one hundred words, I conveyed my indescribable and deep emotions just by looking at them. Shin Yoosung finally burst out crying as the violent emotions were one-sidedly passed on.

‘I understand.’

The pain and bitterness in the small child’s heart resonated and as a constellation, I could hear it more than anyone.

Shin Yoosung held the other child’s hand and stood up. “Gilyoung. Let’s go. We have to do it.”

Shin Yoosung’s eyes shone yellow. The characteristics of Beast Master were started to manifest. There was a great trembling in the hall and I soon heard a tearing sound. A giant beast’s snout appeared in the gap.

The chimera dragon. The giant monster that would later become a destruction species flapped its giant wings as it was summoned to the hall. However, the chimera dragon hesitated instead of attacking when it saw me.

[The 2nd grade monster species, the ‘Chimera Dragon’ has refused its master’s command.]

[The 2nd grade monster species, the ‘Chimera Dragon’ feels terrified of the 73rd demon king.]

Blood poured from Shin Yoosung’s nose. She couldn’t control the 2nd grade monster alone yet. I watched Lee Gilyoung and said, “Gilyoung. Think of this as a game.”Lee Gilyoung looked up at me. I stared at the child’s eyes and remembered the words I had once spoken as we walked through the darkness.

It was a conversation that occurred when we wandered together through the darkness of Geumho Station. The moments that passed like nothing became precious memories that returned.

“Even if I die, I will come back. I promise.”

These stories became the power to kill me.

“…Aaaaaah!” Lee Gilyoung howled and used Taming.

[The remaining attack time is 9 minutes.]

The chimera dragon was controlled by the two children’s Taming and started to cry out in pain.

The chimera dragon sucked in all the air around it. The chimera dragon sucked in even my magic and started to open its huge snout towards me.

It was a dark magic power. A huge sphere of light was created between the ferocious fangs. It was a weapon that only a dragon, the peak of monsters, could use.

The Breath. I was hit by the Breath and my body was torn apart again. It was a shock that caused the mind to break down.

Despite this shock, my body was still alive. The party members were shocked by my miserable appearance but they shouldn’t stop.

I straightened my ripped lips and said, “Con… tinue.”

If they didn’t do it now, there wouldn’t be another chance.

[A few constellations have noticed your sacrifice.]

[Many constellations are amazed by your will.] The chimera dragon was exhausted by the use of Breath and its huge body lay on the ground. Fortunately, the chimera dragon sucked in most of the worst of my rampaging magic power but the attack power of the party members were decreasing.

“Damn, I’m out of magic power!”

[The remaining capture time is 5 minutes.]

My preparations for dealing with the 73rd demon king were up to here. So from now on… I should leave it to someone else.

“Kim Dokja.” Yoo Jonghyuk had risen from the stone wall and was watching me.

I saw that Lee Seolhwa was exhausted by his side. She had probably poured all her magic power into healing him. I saw many emotions cross his eyes as he identified me as the demon king.

“Don’t make such an expression. You can’t change what has already happened. Don’t you already know?”

Yoo Jonghyuk wiped his bloody lips and murmured, “It should’ve been me who died here.”

Fortunately, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk. He already accepted that he would have to kill me.

Yoo Jonghyuk rushed towards me with the Heaven Shaking Sword. Every hit made me feel that my physical strength had been reduced. He didn’t say anything but his despair was conveyed every time the blade cut me.

[The remaining capture time is 4 minutes.]

For us, we weren’t even allowed time to feel that despair.

“Let’s end it now Yoo Jonghyuk. Bring ‘that’ out.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play around. I know you didn’t use it on purpose.”“…If I use this, you can’t be resurrected.”

“That’s why you are going to use it. It would be difficult if I came back again as a demon king.”

“…”

“What if the scenario ends up being ruined? You should stop thinking about it.”

Yoo Jonghyuk glared at me without speaking.

「 Do you have an idea? 」

I just laughed at his question. Yoo Jonghyuk hesitated before eventually pulling out a sword.

The Heavenly Sword of Gathering Clouds. Ame no Murakumo no Tsurugi. It was a sword obtained from Yamata no Orochi in Peace Land.

Yoo Jonghyuk spoke in a somber voice, “I hoped the moment where I had to use this would never come.”

“Me too. However, now is the time.”

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ feels despair.]

[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ is sighing deeply.]

[The constellation ‘Queen of the Darkest Spring’ is holding her breath.]

The power acquired by a story will eventually collapse because of a story. My attribute of Eight Lives was derived from the power of Yamata no Orochi. This power was bound to be vulnerable to the weapon of death that killed Yamata no Orochi. Perhaps I would lose all my remaining lives if I was cut by this sword.

Yoo Jonghyuk opened his mouth. “…To be honest, there is no certainty in this. The duration of Giant Body Transformation is over and I’m not confident in my current attack power.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I could see Shin Yoosung furiously shaking her head towards me.

[The constellation who doesn’t yet have a name has given his incarnation a ‘stigma’.]

There was a dazzling light and my stigma nestled inside Shin Yoosung.

[The stigma ‘Sacrifice’s Will Lv. 1’ has been activated!]

The stigma caused a brilliant glow to emerge from Shin Yoosung’s body.

[The master of the stigma risks his life for others.]

[The attack power of the party is greatly increased in proportion to the desperation of their lives.]

The exhausted eyes of my party members started to become energetic again.

Sacrifice’s Will. It was a stigma that didn’t really suit me. One thing was for certain. My death was now confirmed.

“Thank you for everything.”

[The remaining capture time is 3 minutes.]

The party members were running.

Lee Hyunsung, Jung Heewon, Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, Yoo Sangah, Gong Pildu, Lee Jihye…

They cried, screamed or were filled with deep anger. Everyone was coming towards me. My vision gradually diminished and all the characters became the landscape. I saw them and laughed.

「 Incarnation Kim Dokja will be killed by the person he loves most. 」

I had forgotten. All prophecies couldn’t be interpreted literally. In this Star Stream, people were stories.

[The constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ is looking at you.]

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ is looking at you.]

[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ is looking at you.]

[The constellation ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ is looking at you.]

[The constellation ‘Maritime War God’ is looking at you.]

As the gazes of countless stars in the sky poured towards me, a story was running towards me.

“Ahhhhhh!”

Parents, friends and lovers were all stories.

[The remaining capture time is 2 minutes.]

This wasn’t the Ways of Survival I knew but—It was a story more wonderful than Ways of Survival.

[A constellation of a small planet is looking at you.]

[All the constellations on the Korean Peninsula are looking at you.]

It was my story. I laughed as Yoo Jonghyuk’s sword pierced my heart.

[Your fate has been realized.]

My body slowly sank down and Yoo Jonghyuk held onto me. “Kim Dokja.”

“It was a really great story. Isn’t that right?”

Yoo Jonghyuk stared down at me silently. I couldn’t find any words and just watched. It was as if I had always been meant to do this.

[The effect of the Heavenly Sword of Gathering Clouds has destroyed all remaining extra lives.]

[You can no longer resurrect.]

I finally looked up at the sky. The clusters of nebulae were in the centre of the night sky. Vedas, Olympus, Papyrus…

I would never forget what they had done.

Then the sky blinked.

[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ doesn’t wish for your death.]

The stars shone brightly as if in response to my will.

[The constellation ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ doesn’t wish for your death.]

[The constellation ‘Secretive Plotter’ doesn’t wish for your death.]

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ doesn’t wish for your death.]

I looked at the sky and laughed. Due to these guys, I hated the constellations but I couldn’t hate the story.

“Let’s meet again, Yoo Jonghyuk.”

The power of the demon king disappeared and at the same time, strength drained from me.

[The main scenario has ended.]

[Seoul Dome has been freed.]

A small black hole appeared in the air behind me. My body was slowly being sucked into it. My legs, my torso, my arms…they turned into powder and were slowly being sucked in.

“Kim Dokja! No! Kim Dokja!”

At the last moment, he tightly held me by the neck. However, it was already too late.

My vision turned black and I was sucked into an empty void. The eyes of the constellations watching me started to disappear one by one. I was leaving the area of the channel.

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ doesn’t wish for your death!]

In the distant night sky, one star desperately blinked at me.

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ doesn’t wish for your death!]

Yes, you can stop now. Uriel.

[The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’…]

Thank you.

The stars in the night sky went out one by one and Incarnation Kim Dokja’s story finally ended.

[The constellations of the absolute good system have withdrawn the mark of ‘evil’ from you.]

[Your incarnation body has completely been destroyed.]

[You have failed the scenario.]

[You have been expelled from the scenario.]

[The Star Stream will announce your modifier.]

In the faraway darkness, the Star Stream was quietly whispering to me.

[Your modifier is the ‘Demon King of Salvation’.]

AWW MAN I ACCIDENTALLY COPYPASTED THE ENTIRETY OF 188 JESUS CHRIST

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cheerfulnihilismqualitysuffering · 1 year

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In a continuing saga of the era in which my meme page was born, I ended up unmored from my doctoral program by early 2017. I was so burnt out and so broken at that point that I was often mostly nonverbal. I found out I had autism shortly after my oldest son was diagnosed when he was 3 years old.

I remember the developmental psychologist asking me if I'd ever been assessed when she gave me his results. I remember trying consciously to make myself make eye contact with her because I'd read about that being a characteristic of autism. I'd taught myself it look at people's eyebrows when I was younger. It gave the illusion of eye contact without the sensory- overwhelming intimacy of being eyeball to eyeball.

I was diagnosed with "treatment resistant depression" years ago but it turns out it was likely just various levels of untreated burnout that first emerged in high school and that I never fully recovered from.

For 20 years I would fall apart, then spend months putting myself back together in a semblance of the previous iteration. Just like when a ceramic or glass piece shatters and you glue it back together, I never quite found all of the pieces. So each subsequent version was more fragile and smaller. I tried to make myself so small. I guess it was out of a need for safety. Like many autistic girls, I was vulnerable to sexual violence and encountered it an inordinate amount of times, bizarrely always at approximately 5-7 year intervals: 5 years old, 12 years old, 19 years old, 26 years old, 31 years old. I'm 43 now. I'm happy to report that the cycle stopped after grad school broke me. Maybe because I stopped trying to rebuild the old versions of me that were dictated by perceived social expectations?

I'd pinned the idea of who I was on getting that PhD eventually. I had the fantasy that finally people would listen to me and take me seriously if I earned that very expensive receipt. With that possibility eliminated, isolated from family after a decade in an abusive relationship, my only social outlet lay in parasocial relationships. None of my old friends from the graduate school would even speak to me. I was untouchable.

I would sometimes literally lay face down on the floor, feeling completely and utterly defeated by reality. The weight of existing was too overwhelming. I survived on welfare and food stamps. I numbly attended an orientation for looking for work. The social worker joked that I was more qualified than he was. I sat there with no expression on my face. No chuckle to make him comfortable. He shifted in his seat uneasily as tears silently trickled down my face. I apologized, stuttering through the humiliation of vulnerable tears in front of an uncomfortable stranger. He asked if I was the sole caregiver of my kids and filled out a form that exempted me from the mandatory job search training. He was either being kind or just wanted me out of his office. My wounded heart can't trust in the kindness of strangers, though.

I spent over a year just surviving. I didn't try to remake myself. I just let myself be a mess. When I was in high school my mom was getting her ARNP degree, she had to read Viktor Frankl's book, "Man's Search for Meaning". I picked the book up and read it because at the time, I read every book I could get my hands on. That book was life-changing. It permanently altered my perspective, but not like a tidal wave. More like it planted a seed. And that seed grew. And then when the moment was right, it bloomed. It just so happens that that moment that was right was when I had lost everything that I *thought* meant everything to me. That's why I chose the name cheerful nihilism. Because there's something revolutionary about choosing to perceive the absence of meaning as a joyous thing.

I was raised catholic, and I was actually quite a believer in deism for much of my life. I really struggled to try to fit what I learned about and witnessed in the world into some kind of reasonable framework that would make sense. Something that would make it okay that any kind of compassionate/all-loving God could allow really horrific and senseless and violent and painful things to happen to innocent people who did not deserve that degree of suffering in any way. And when I released the need to try to fit everything into a narrative that would make it make sense, I felt like I was free. Or at least it's close to free as I could possibly be, given the circumstances.

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whodisgirl · 2 years

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May 19th, 2022

It is currently 11:22pm and I am in bed after a long and stressful fight in the car with him. I am going to try my hardest to not cry while writing this because my eyes are extremely puffy and I probably have a total of 7 lashes on each eyeball. I wanted to journal about today because there is definitely a lot on my mind and I haven’t journaled in awhile, and I’m going to type it out because I feel like it might be more effective than writing since I can actually pour all of my thoughts out — although a lot of people say there are benefits to actually writing stuff out, maybe like thinking harder about it, but right now I would just like to ramble.

Today started off fine, like any other day really. He got me coffee in the morning and I started work at 9:03 (but didn’t actually do any work until like 10am LOL. I was getting a ton of work done, I got to cook for lunch, we watched some Netflix and it was all good. Then, I had my therapist appointment.

I have been seeing a therapist for awhile, every other week. This has been my maybe 6th appointment. I haven’t told anyone, I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t. In the beginning, it didn’t seem helpful really at all, but it was nice to rant about things and she’s being paid to listen hahhaha. Though, I think all it took was just some getting to know each other. It’s kind of crazy how much she remembers about me. Anyways, today I came into it talking about how I felt good and not much was wrong. We talked about traveling a lot and how if I want to go on a trip, then i should just do it. I can’t let anybody hold me back because it is good for my own self well-being. :) It always seems like something bad happens after my therapist appointment and I have to wait 2 weeks till I can talk about it.

So basically what happened was tonight we went out the brewery. I was hesitant about going because I never feel all that close to these friends. I feel just kind of there. I don’t know how to describe it or simply if it’s just my fault that I’m not trying hard enough to bond, but I never feel like those are my best friends — but I feel like they should be because I hang out with them so often.

Fast forward to the night, I go to drop off him and he senses something is up. I try to explain to him how I feel, but it just doesn’t go right. It starts off by somehow talking about how he feels parents shouldn’t say the phrase “I’m disappointed in you” because we are grown adults now and they don’t have the responsibility of raising us kids anymore. I thought that was crazy and very much doesn’t align with what I think — so I probed him. I wanted to know more about his thoughts because family is so important to me. He took it as I was arguing with him and everything went downhill from there.

We dove deeper into my issue of not feeling like I’m more than just acquaintances with everyone there and he just couldn’t seem to figure out how to make me feel better. This caused him to get frustrated and then shortly thereafter caused me to get frustrated. I then proceeded to “not be able to control my feelings” (his words, but justified) and spiraled into a yelling fest followed along with uncontrollable tears. I threw a fit essentially, and over dramatized me not being able to breathe in the stuffy car. I felt like I was having a panic attack, and all I could feel were his eyes burning into the back of my head — not sympathizing at all.

More fighting passed….

Basically, I just wanted to reflect. I don’t feel like I am ready for this relationship. I feel like we have carried on with our bad habits for too long. We fight aggressively and I get way too caught up in my feelings. I immediately think about ending it. We haven’t talked about our future and it’s really hard to know what’s next. A big part of me wants to be single, SO BAD, because I don’t want to be held back anymore, I want to do everything for me. I want to be selfish. Another part of me wants so badly to be with someone who has the same energy as me. Who will be hopelessly romantic with me. And the last part of me knows that this is it. He is the one. Is it toxic thinking? Maybe.

I think I spent too much time summarizing the day and not reflecting because I am exhausted. Too much thinking, will maybe carry this on later.

Goodnight.

#i post this here because no one reads my tumblr but maybe someone might

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musekicker · 2 months

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Gleam and Grow 1

Not the Halloween season but the first part of a Scray Godmother fic. That's going to be Skully/Harry in the end.

Scary God Mother had expected a nice, quiet night to herself. She had boiled up some tea in her mini cauldron and was about to sit down and watch the newest episode of one of her favorite shows. A nice, chilly nice to relax.

The sudden return of Skully so early in the evening was a surprise.

"Skully, you're home early." Scary God Mother said. "I thought you were on a date with-"

"With my ex?'" Skully interrupted, clearly sulking.

As if the words alone didn't tell Scary God Mother that something was wrong, the way that Skully's bones seem so very well... bone tired, told her so.

"Ex? On no, Skully what happened?" Scary God Mother asked.

Skully angrily and dramatically threw his hat onto the near by couch. He sighed deeply before launching into his story.

"I went over to my ex's house right? They were still getting ready so I hung around a bit. I had only been waiting about five minutes when I found it. That there was a different skeleton in his closet!" Skully cried.

Scary God Mother gasped.

"Oh, I'm so sorry Skully!" Scary God Mother said. "That had to be so painful."

"It was. For both me and him. I may have slapped him and broke a few things on the way out." Skully said.

"Naturally." Scary God Mother said. "I'm really, really sorry that they turned out to be a cheater."

Skully sunk down onto the couch next to his hat and his hands to his face.

"Every time I think I find a nice guy, it turns out he's either a cheater or there is something massively wrong with them." Skully grumbled. "I don't know what to do. The dating scene around here is so dead."

Scary God Mother sat on the couch next to Skully. She put a comforting hand on Skully's shoulder. If Skully had eyeballs they would be red from tears. He could still make sniffling crying noises though.

It was a hard thing for Scary God Mother to hear coming from her dear broom mate. And as was in her nature, she wanted to fix this somehow. Of course matters of the heart were so much harder to fix. One could not just wave a wand and repair a relationship. Well, she might be able to but that would be immoral.

She was thinking about anything she could possibly do. Anything that might even take a bit of the sting of this hurt away. And then she thought of it. She had a plan. One that might be considered a little bit risky. But she also couldn't stand to see Skully like this.

"I might have something that may be able to help you out." Scary God Mother said

She moved off the couch, leaving Skully to sit there and wallow, hugging one of the couch cushions close to himself.

"I'm willing to try anything at this point." Skully said.

Scary God Mother had to think search one of her trunks thoroughly for some time. Throwing various objects that occupied the trunk but were not what she sought, over her shoulder. A ball of spider web silk, a spiders molt, candles of various colors and sizes. There was a massive mess but eventually she pulled out what she was looking for.

"Here it is!" she cried, holding up what Skully could see as a Jack o' lantern shaped charm.

All of this searching and a future clean up over a cheap jack'o lantern charm.

The charm didn't look to be anything that unusual. It wasn't really. In all truth, it wasn't that unusual as it was part of a set of old decorations she had one year. They had been from her first year in this house and when the old decorations had gotten ruined during a particularly wild Halloween party.

The decorations had not been up the next year, the year that Skully had moved in as a broom mate. So he would not recognize the object. That didn't mean though that Skully would think it was anything special at first glance.

Skully leaned his face closer to the charm to get a better look.

"What is that suppose to do?" Skull asked.

"This, Skully, is suppose to help you find your true love." Scary God Mother said.

Skully gave a short laugh.

"It looks like you got it from the dollar store." Skully said.

Scary God Mother glared at Skully.

"You want my help or not?" she asked.

Skully put up his hands.

"Okay, okay. If it'll make me forgot my ex for awhile, fine. I'll give it a try." Skully said.

With that Scary God Mother set to trying to sell this story. Part of that involved a lot of improve on her part. She started by holding the charm up to the light and she started to recite something. She was good with coming up with rhymes on the spot.

"The charm wil gleam. It will glow. The one for you it will show." she finished her so called spell with.

That done she handed the charm to Skully.

"Now what?" Skully asked.

"The charm will let you know when you find that person for you." Scary Godmother said.

Skully still did not look as if he bought all of this. But he kept the charm.

"Thank you." he said to his tomb mate. "I hope that does help out."

"I'm sure it will. For now... do you want to watch trashy reality t.v shows and laugh at other peoples drama?" Scary Godmother asked.

Skully laughed. The first laugh she heard from him tonight.

"Oh, you know me TOO well." he said.

As they watched their shows, Scary Godmother noted that Skully was looking over the charm time to time. She hoped that this would be the tiny bit of confidence that Skully needed to find that person for him.

#scary godmother

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