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inkskinned · 5 months

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it is the first snow today. i think we should all have off work, even though it didn't stick. i think there should be 4 national holidays, one for each season. happy first snow, go home and make cookies. for spring it can be the first crocus. for summer the first lightning bug. for autumn, the first golden leaf. go home, kiss your dog, feed your cat (who is absolutely already-fed but somehow still starving.)

i think we should all take more showers together, but i mean that in the soft way. i mean it like taking a nap. two years ago i had 5 adult friends in my queen bed, all of us laying across each other, head over belly over thigh over hand. any time one of us would giggle, it would ripple over each of us, like pulling on a spiderweb. kim actually needed to nap and didn't get to sleep and i am still sorry for it even though this is one of my most precious memories.

i think we should all wash each other's hair, i mean. i walk my dog and i watch someone put up twinkle lights around their front porch. alex and i just moved, and i love the neighborhood. already so many of our new neighbors have stopped by to say hello. the nice lady downstairs also collects plants, like me. she gave us her number on a pink post-it note. i am trying to decide whether to make her cookies or brownies.

i am going through a very hard time. something bad happened this weekend that i do not wish to discuss. it is hanging over me. i think of the green ribbon, and the woman who had her throat cut. it feels like that sometimes, inside of my body. like i am walking and talking despite being half-corpsed. like i am hanging on by a ribbon, standing on some kind of cusp. i keep saying - at least it wasn't worse. we are so lucky it wasn't worse. the idea is river-rock smooth now, all the edges worried off.

in this very dark night - the sun sets by 3 now - people don't need to, but they try anyway. they paint the missing light into things. i have an embarrassing number of missed calls and texts, but i feel the love from them nevertheless - hey. if you need something, i'm here. i will bring you food/puzzles/anything. i got you.

i think we should all have a big group chat where we do errands with strangers. this week i got lost in a home depot, which is wild because i'm a lesbian and we are actually hatched in a lowe's lumber section. there were two other women in the whole store. we ended up shopping together, at first by accident (we all needed things in the same aisle), and then because, well, why not. one of the ladies was taller than me, so she pulled down the screws i needed. i am agile and have the personality of a raccoon, so they sent me after anything below 3 feet. we talked about holiday plans and never learned each other's names, but did learn all the drama about each other's families.

i am making you cupcakes, because i have so much affection i want to pour it into batter. you ask me if i am eating enough per meal. i wrap your gift twice, trying to do it prettily. i get excited to give it to you, just because i hope you'll be excited too.

my parents drive an hour just to see the new apartment and to do the parent thing; standing in the kitchen saying things like "oh you'll get so much use from this dishwasher" and "well, you could paint that" and "when your mother and i moved it was uphill both ways and in a snowstorm and of course your brother was an infant." my mother brought me a plant for housewarming. i always say i love you before she leaves.

i play dnd on tuesdays still, after all these years. we all keep that night free. at one point, between grad school and marriage and all of it, we had to have a serious discussion about how to keep it running. we will keep going, we decided eventually. just to see each other, even if we don't play - you are all important to me. sebastian is not prone to affection but last night he stole my usual sign off - i love you all, be good, he said. he was laughing.

i don't love the winter, actually. i like snow in theory, but i grew up in the north, and am too-familiar with the season of "mud and sludge". i don't like being cold. but i do love something kind of soft and rare: every year around this time, people remember oh yes. you and i are human together. and i have love to spare.

it is the first snow, and something in my heart is finally warm again. i have spent what felt like the last 18 months just going-through-the-motions. it has felt blank and immediate, like i would never actually feel again. that sounds extremely trite and stupid - but that is the boring and familiar experience of depression. life just washes up against your windows, and you watch it happening. you see things that should be lovely and affecting, and it just whispers too-thin. i was desperately uncreative. uninterested in my hobbies. unimpressed by my writing. i told my therapist, often, i don't know how to find hope again.

almost sheepishly, something strange and lovely is burning in my chest. i keep not-looking at it, worried it will scamper back into the shadows again. it is skittish and wild, but it is so warm i want to sink my hands into its fur and feel it breathing. i love-hate it: if it's real, it can hurt me when it leaves again. but i am icarus-born, sun-lover and poet: i can't help myself. despite my best intentions, i am falling in love with life again.

i am planning to make cookies for my friends. alex and i are going to go christmas tree shopping. we picked out matching dish towels last night, and they have little mushrooms on them.

i love you. it does come back. yes, even after a long time. even for you. i promise. keep trying. you will wake up and it will be a day you can smile about.

write me when you get there. we will take the day off of work, and i will wash your hair, and we will both be laughing.

#spilled ink #writeblr #pos #recovery #my brain is like - don't trust it!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! we can't be wrong again!!!!!!#and im like. what if the sorrow is the thing that's wrong though.#what if this - this!!!!! - is the truth

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katz-chow · 7 months

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im a ghost girlie but my love for soap is literally incomprehensible and i have this headcanon where its ghost x reader but soap third wheels all the time and its not like in a mean way at all, they’re just a trio that is basically inseparable. i also hc that they make so many jokes about being a throuple to the point where its not rlly a joke anymore lmao. anyway, this is all to ask if you’ll write some headcanons about that dynamic. fluff ofc! if u feel comfortable writing a little bit of poly soap x reader x ghost, i’d be very gracious 🙏🏽 but no pressure!

soap, simon, and the not-so-single parent

warnings: gn!reader, ghost x reader, soap x platonic!reader, my interpretation of ghost & soap, domesticity, fluff, johnny being johnny, simon being simon, reader being the concerned parent, third-wheel soap

a/n: this shit be on my mind constantly that johnny just loves to annoy and thirdwheel reader & simon. some of this is inspired by irl stuff. i'm not really into a poly triangle personally and i just can't imagine them, especially simon, to be okay with it, sorry!

humble beginnings

johnny didn't find out that simon had a romantic partner until you two reached past your 1 year anniversary. it happened by pretty much chance too, here's how that went: simon forgot a file, you were off of work, you drove to base, you dropped off said file using your dependent clearance, he kissed your cheek goodbye right in the doorway of his office (masked), johnny turned the corner, and as simon pulled away, you looked at johnny who was desperately trying to seem busy on his phone as he walked away hurriedly. he was on the calculator app. simon and you gave each other a look and he nodded, knowing that you've been wanting to meet the colorful coworkers (and his closest friends) for a while now. you called him over, soap, as you've remembered, not everyday you see a mohawk. johnny freezes and turned around to see you beckoning him back to the frame of the office, and simon with his arms crossed, staring a bit annoyed actually. he was chill when you two introduced each other, not wanting to embarrass himself. his eyes lit up though, when he heard you invite him over for dinner. "lovie..." simon started out, a gentle hand on your back. you hit his chest with the back of your head playfully, "no, no, this will be good for us. first diner party in our new house" "HOUSE? HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD SOMEONE" he wanted to scream at simon's face, what came out however was a "i dinnae want to be a bother to you both" you insisted and he felt bad (but also curious), so dinner it was. simon took off his mask to please you and well, it was the comfort of his home. he rolled his eyes as johnny quipped that he certainly was "quite the opposite". from that day forward, it was the three of you against...manchester i guess?

children, the both of them

johnny tags along whenever you two are running errands on leave or on off days when they're both stationed at home. sometimes it's just you and him, or him and simon, or all three of yall. it started with a "we're having brunch, wanna join?" and now it's more like "we're going to the zoo, 9 am, get there" they make up the weirdest challenges and it feels like you're babysitting them both. simon, doesn't see it, he's a grown adult man, he's not silly. johnny says it's just in his nature like how it's natural that wombats poop in cubes (he walked ahead to read that tidbit and walked back to regurgitate it back at the two of you). challenges include: simon and johnny getting into a long debate about which is better, the smoked salmon crepes or the chocolate crepes, and when they mix them together, who can eat it all without puking? who can get to the butterfly sanctuary the fastest without running? who can find your favorite fish in the 30,000 gallon (113562.35 liter) fish tank WHILE holding their breath as if they were swimming in the water johnny telling you that his jokes are the best, simon butting in and using the "i'm your boyfriend, surely my jokes are better" card. you wanted to throw them both out of the car as they kept going back and forth with the most stupidest, tasteless, dad jokes ever. johnny saying he can drive better than simon. simon saying he can fly a broken helicopter and land safely. you're in the driver's seat. simon quipped that he would be a good artist compared to this shit's canvas (picasso) and johnny saying that his cat can paint better. simon said dogs can do it better. johnny said- you get the idea simon threw up after the 8th time on a rollercoaster. johnny threw up on the 9th. you, however, went through a nice scenic boat ride :)

quiet mornings

you three are closer than yall think. whenever they're both away, you always miss the noise they bring in the kitchen, trying to figure out how to make muffins or...popcorn. the three of you doing the daily wordle, crossword, and sudoku. "what's c for?" "c4 is an explosive, bonnie" "no johnny, what does C STAND FOR? fucking idiot..." mornings when you both are expecting johnny are never quiet, especially when he announces that he's there by knocking on the front door and saying "it's johnny!" when someone opens it. even when he's not there, you can at least hear simon's almost silent breaths if it wasn't for how close you two were. you miss them when they have to leave, you know it can't be forever, but damnit you missed the buzzing of them both. you don't miss, however, johnny and simon playing drunk monopoly.

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xaharadesert · 10 months

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Greetings! I'm rereading your headcanons for the Arcana, and they're all very well-written and interesting. I wonder, do you have any ideas about how MC and Asra grew close and started a romantic relationship before the plague? No pressure if you don't feel like answering.

Hello!! I’m so glad you enjoy my headcanons :) even if I don’t write as much as I used to, I’m proud of my work. Based on your message, I wasn’t sure if you were asking for headcanons or just my thoughts, so I’m going with the latter, but feel free to submit another request if it was actually the first one!

So, as usual, I’m gonna add a little disclaimer stating that I haven’t played the game in a very long time, and can’t really remember what’s canon vs fanon, so forgive me if I say something that’s just blatantly wrong. Also, I’m referring to Asra using he/him just to differentiate them from the MC, who I’m referring to with they/them, and I am aware that Asra uses he/they.

Anyway, the game itself gives us very little to work with in terms of MC’s backstory with Asra (obviously so people can fill it in how they please), but I do believe that it’s canon that the shop used to belong to MC’s aunt?

In my mind, I always imagined that MC’s aunt was a semi-well-known magic user, and MC left their home to study with her and learn magic and such. They probably worked at the shop as well, since they lived there and it would be a bit rude not to help out.

Now, this is where I’m essentially just making things up: I believe that Asra and MC bumped into each other a lot without ever really having a proper introduction in the first few months. I’m not sure if there’s any indication about what Asra was doing after his parents disappeared, but I’m like 90% certain he was just homeless and making money by running errands or doing tricks/small spells/tarot readings for people. So, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that they casually saw each other around when MC was exploring or running errands for their aunt.

When it comes to a proper introduction, my mind is split between a cliché meet-cute where they literally run into each other, a curious MC seeking out Asra because they think he’s mysterious and therefore must find answers, or MC’s aunt hiring Asra as part-time help. Either way, it definitely starts as a casual friendship between two magic users who feel a little out of place, with Asra absolutely working at or spending a lot of time at the shop.

Over time, I think the two would naturally grow closer as they harness their magical abilities together. Asra has found a place that feels like home, and MC has found their first close friend in a new country. I think it would be a little co-dependent from the start, given Asra’s unfortunate circumstances, and MC becoming the owner of their aunt’s shop (it’s never confirmed, but personally I believe that the aunt died and left a young mc to take over).

At some point, after the aunt was gone, Asra would move into the shop (it’s practical, even if it’s only platonic, since he works there and MC is probably a little lonely), and while things might not be completely romantic, feelings are probably developing. I always imagined MC and Asra to be around the same age, so they’re probably young adults at this point, and still figuring things out, but they know that they want to be together in some way.

I don’t think there’s a clear line that can be drawn between “before” they loved each other romantically and “after”. Like, yeah, there’s a first kiss, but it doesn’t feel like a giant momentous moment, it’s just a casual action that feels completely natural. Neither of them probably even process it as the first time, and wouldn’t remember it later, because it just fits. And if you’re thinking about the first “I love you”, then I hate to disappoint, but I believe they always said it platonically, so neither really registers when it becomes romantic.

At least in my opinion, Asra and MC are the ultimate best friends to lovers, and it happens like a frog in a boiling pot of water. They don’t even realize that they’re in a committed relationship until MC dies and Asra finds them back at square one. Then he’s like “oh fuck how do I recreate 6 years when I don’t even know how it happened?” Falling in love and being with each other every day was as natural to them as breathing, and having that relationship stripped away suddenly must have felt like being dropped into ice water.

Anyway, those are my basic thoughts! Not very detailed, because, really, there is no canon backstory! This isn’t even what I use for my OC MC, it’s just the vibes I picked up when I first played through :) let me know what you think, and what you would change! Also please let me know if there are any mistakes, because I typed this all out on my phone at 1am and just kinda rambled without thinking

#the arcana #arcana #the arcana headcanon #the arcana hc #asra alnazar #Asra x mc #Asra alnazar x mc #the arcana asra #Asra arcana

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mixing-bowl-of-stories · 4 months

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Hope you're well! For the prompt thing, what about Cloqwork boys with "I feel completely safe with you"

👀 aight

Also

@did-i-do-this-write @spare-stories-archive @bafflement <3

They had decided to take a day off, for once.

Or, well, Qrow wasn’t too upset about taking a day off. But he sort of dragged Ozpin along. Ozpin on the other hand was not entirely sure about this “taking a break” thing.

They hadn’t even really been doing anything super extraordinary when the topic came up. Qrow decided he was going to go run some miscellaneous errands, and he decided to tag along.

The question popped into his head randomly when thinking of a topic to bring up on their rather silent walk through the grocery store.

“A bit of an odd question, but…” he started.

Qrow looks over at him, curious, “What’s up?”

“Who is the person you feel or felt safest with?”

He was surprised by the question, but it didn’t seem to be coming with ill intention from Oz, only curiosity.

“Well, I’d say that’s kinda hard for me to say, to be honest.”

“Hm?”

They continued walking down the isles, occasionally stopping when Qrow found another grocery item they needed.

“I’ve had a lot of those over time, Raven was one, Alloy was another, and so was STRQ, of course though, things change.”

He grabs a can of red sauce off the shelf and examines it.

“I feel like, there’s not really one person you feel the “most” safe with usually. People come and go, and you feel safe with different people for different reasons.”

Ozpin puts a hand on his chin, “I see. I suppose you’re right. I trust your judgment with that sort of thing.”

“Although, unsurprisingly, I’m an outlier in that commonality.” Qrow laughs.

“Oh? And how’s that?”

“Because I actually really do only feel truly safe with, which is odd to me because I figured I would’ve found more people by now. But hey, I’m not complaining. This guy is pretty great in my opinion.”

“I suppose life is like that, unpredictable in many ways.”

“Yep”

“…So.”

“So?”

“Who is it?”

“It’s you, ya dork.”

Ozpin looks over, wide eyed with flushed cheeks. Qrow, who is facing away from him, looks at him out of the corner of his eye. He tries very hard but starts laughing anyways. Oz continues to stare at him.

“What?”

Oz points at himself, “Me?”

“Yeah.”

“But- I’m not- …Why?”

“Oi I thought you said you trusted my judgement, are you telling me that was a lie?”

“No! That’s not what I meant!”

Qrow snickers at him, “To answer your question, it’s because you’ve always been there for me. Always been in my corner, it was never like with Raven where she could be easily convinced to switch sides if you gave her something she wanted. And uh… that means a lot to me actually.”

“Oh… well, thank you. For trusting me that much. Still not quite sure how I did it, but thank you.”

“You were you, and you, are a good person. You have the kind of kindness that should be common sense in my opinion, but of course, isn’t, because the world kinda sucks like that.”

“The world does kind of suck, but that’s why we’re hunters, correct?”

“True.”

“Now then, can we pick up some chocolate ice cream…?” Oz mumbles

“You and your damn sweet tooth is gonna eat us out of a home.” Qrow teases

“It will not! I am a responsible adult, I’ll even pay for it!”

“Yes it will, even if you pay for it!”

“It will not!”

“Will too!”

#cloqwork #ozqrow #tagging this remnant heirs because I can #remnant heirs au #qrow branwen #ozpin #ozpin has a small obsession with sugar fite me #bowl mixes #writeblr #writing #writers on tumblr #original character #oc #original oc #original story #original writing #writeblr community

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jellazticious · 11 months

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I am fucking conceptualizing the fucking platformer game I've been thinking about for years because of Pizza Tower and I can't be mad about it fsjkgrns

that game's inspiring

anyhow, Shallow Stares: Portals and Parties thoughts under the cut

At the very start, you get to choose to play as Twelve the Pine Thing, Lantern the Clover Thing, and Serve the Shrub Thing. But you will not be stuck with who you pick the whole game, you get to change it anytime you want.

The whole thing plays out like a metrovania? but also Cuphead and Blasphemous were inspirations too. So like these kids venture off into this dnd world that's actually Earth after an apocalypse. The game starts out all cutesy with the kids running errands and fighting some safe level enemies. Then things go batshit cuz yknow, kids will run into anything. They'll meet crazy prophets, musicians in the woods, nomads with insane "chores", alchemists trying to raise the dead etc. In one point you meet an "adult Twelve". He's actually a completely different person who was summoned the same way Twelve was. Remember that the saplings are born of magic, sometimes a spell can be done exactly the same so what comes out can be the same thing too.

Other than the platform and fighting mechanics, there's dialogues in em too but they're more for understanding what the fuck is happening. The ending changes are slight. they most they can do is tell you how to unlock stuff.

You can get other playable characters, just gotta do sm stuff to get em.

anyway yeah, cute adventures, easing in to crazier things. Then in one point you find a contraption and you gotta use Lantern to magic it. That opens up portals everywhere and the other oc sets are activated.

Think of the portals as a DLC without buying anything bsrbgkrs

So yeah, the sapling you play as can access a between worlds room with all the portals in it and each one of them goes to levels that corresponds the oc set it came from. Example, the She-Clops portals have levels set in Iya's hometown and shit. The Light Plague portals lets you play in 131, the mutation infested upper division, and even the Bounty Hunter brawl ball.

Hell, you get to fight some other ocs as bosses and get them as playable characters. Tho not all of them can be achieved by just beating them, you gotta beat them specifically or complete other achievements.

For now, I can see Morter, Cobalt, Kiwi, Iya, Kipper, Crossbow, GR-17, Nodiel and Cameron as playable characters

You can play Cobalt when you beat his boss. Then like when you talk to him and get into a specific conversation, he'll hint how to get Morter as a playable character vaguely.

"Doc's a pacifist, I don't know if he'd join you little buggers with all this fighting" or smthn and you do get Morter if you clear a TLP level without damaging any enemy.

For PK, you get him when you like I dunno, S rank the Bounty Hunter Brawl level or defeat him first in it. Bounty Hunter Brawl is like a mini boss rush with no arrangement. Enemies are just scattered and you get to pick off which ones you wanna go for, they're occupied with each other after all. Tho it's on sight for anyone in that level. If someone sees you first, you're immediately targeted by that guy.

Iya can be unlocked if you beat her under a time limit, she'll respect your strength. But also unlocking Iya means automatically unlocking Kipper. Iya is more power based because she's really playful and Kipper is speed based because he's very anxious.

The player can make the characters strike a pose by pressing spacebar, make them dance by holding it longer and if it's multiplayer, press it twice for a partner dance if the character allows it.

the ones that can partner are the saplings with each other, Morter with Cobalt, Iya with Kipper, and Grit with Nodiel. Partnering these up in a game can also yield the best results as they were made to be compatible with one another.

ALSO I wanna talk about the differences of the playstyles. Primarily, the default three should explain this on your first try. Twelve is strength, Lantern is skill, and Serve is speed.

Twelve can kill enemies with two hits but he cannot climb walls with momentum. you gotta stab the wall and jump to do that

Lantern can cast spells the best since she has the highest magic level out of the three. She can run up walls a bit, she can make turns faster than Twelve since he's heavier and slips off. You can make her fly for a bit if you want, girl can doublejump too

Serve is the fastest one because they're tiny and thin. They have trouble fighting enemies because of their lighter body. Although, if you don't like to fight and wanna swift through levels + explore for treasure, secrets etc without getting hurt, Serve serves you well. Their inertia is infinite, you can run up anything with this little bab.

The difference between strength and skill is that strength is when a character can fight enemies up close and skill is when it's a ranged attack.

Iya and Kipper are next.

Iya has like a lot of health because she has a lot of momentum. She is fast and strong but very careless. if she tries to slow down, she will have to take a moment gradually losing her speed before she stops completely. She just slips in a lot of places and just straight up slides to the enemy. She one hits most of them but she kills them slow and it locks her in place, makes her vulnerable. She relies on her extra health because this girl is made of bricks. When she runs into stuff that can be destroyed, they get shattered easier but if she runs full speed at a wall that does not get destroyed, she gets stunned for three seconds. Iya has extra protection on her noggin since she has horns and mini antlers, she also does not climb walls but she can jump high and run on all fours for a second on the wall.

Kipper on the other hand is a fucking coward but that means he's good at escaping. Unlike Iya who easily gets locked into place, Kipper is always quick to get up. All this poor boy wants is to get out of the situation. He instantly runs on the second speed and if he runs into enemies, they will not get damaged, they will get just stunned because some kid just pushed them. Instead of punching he shrieks, disarming the enemy. Like Serve, he has infinite momentum. his other form of attack is throwing his head but you need to get the head back.

If it's multiplayer and two people play Iya and Kip, they can run into each other to make the Kirby All Star friend wheel. Invincible until jumping/hitting a wall. When the wheel is cancelled, someone will be flung forwards.

Kipper also has a buff in dark rooms because his head glows.

Cobalt is another speed based character. For other characters, you need to hop a little when going towards obstacles and enemies to disarm/destroy them. It's like a little kick for most but you don't need that, he automatically runs over them. He also automatically deals damage if you near him to an enemy. Everyone else needs to be pressed the attack button for them to hit, Cobalt just instinctively attacks. holding down attack button however makes him charge the tazerblade's electric end. He loses momentum after some time so you gotta jump if he's slowing down. He plays out like someone doing parkour. Do not bother with using ranged weapons, he has a 99.8% chance of missing but a .2% of landing a shot with critical damage. Melee is the way with Cobalt.

Morter on the other hand is skill based character. He's really slow and he relies on the Radicus (the cane gun grappling hook thing) because he is old as shit. He can't run, jump high, or climb but he can swing and plunge spiderman style. Aim the grappling hook by pressing attack fast, anchor it somewhere and pull back so Mort can slide or get lifted in the air. hold attack to charge a blast and let go. the hook can also damage enemies, either bring them to you for a melee smacking or throw them away. Remember! He'd rather be a pacifist so his playstyle is more of skimming the levels and exploratory since the Radicus does not have a limit to the length of the hook.

Tastriphe, my lad PK, Kiwiman, Hellspawn Angel or whatever. While he can be one of the fastest people to play as, he's actually strength based. At the start of the level, his speed is average. But when you start attacking, he gains speed depending on how big the kill count combo is. His attacks come in small hits but it's plentiful and quick as fuck. Yes he's like the fastest at full combo but you have to maintain it/ come back from room to room. dealing damage does nothing, you have to make sure the enemy is not moving anymore to add to the count. Kiwi can turn invisible at a certain speed and has an extra life when the health bar depletes. He also has a higher chance of dealing critical hits with any weapon and melee. Tastriphe is OP which is why he has to be achieved the hardest way.

Crossbow is similarly played like Kiwi since they're both assassins but the difference is that Crossbow emphasizes more on skill than speed. She also has a killcount combo that makes her stronger than faster. Crossbow is quick to dodge and jump to avoid getting hurt and she comes with ... a crossbow. Unlike others, she has auto aim and can reshoot enemy projectiles. Everyone else can parry it, maybe even rethrow it to a random direction but Crossbow reuses the projectile and it will try to return to sender like a heat seeker. Keep her moving because she will start to gloat about herself if kept idle, the more idle time she has, the jankier her controls will be because she's overhyping herself.

Crossbow can be achieved by completing the Crank Those Gears portals.

Nodiel and Grit tho. Nodiel has the least health out of anyone in Portals and Parties. His species are just soft like that but his mech and tech makes up for it. Nodiel is a skill based character. He has a mechanical backpack with three arms coming out off it, "nuggets" (small magnetic devices that electrical surges any machine to make it short circuit. can be used on organisms), and a custom made wrench gun. Gun is for regular use, wrench is when you know you fucked up because you are not supposed to let enemies near him. The robot arms do their work of throwing away enemies, auto parrying projectiles, and cushioning falls. Nodiel can run but he never gains any momentum, the arms can climb anything at any speed tho. Nuggets are thrown around by the arms and stunned enemies are one hit by the arms if hit by a nugget.

Then there's Grit. another tank. slightly higher health than Nodiel's because of how raggedy his parts are. His arm is a cannon, two shots most enemies and can be utilized with boosts, jumps, etc. Grit deals damage bumping into stuff.

Him and Nodiel are perfect for co op. It's a matter of save and be saved for them. Grit protects Nodiel and Nodiel can keep repairing Grit. Nodiel can throw Grit up because Grit can't climb on his own. In solo tho, Grit relies on blasting the ground to get up.

Speaking of partners, there's a solo player level mode with the tag team style. So the character you play as will be randomly swapped to someone else mid level. If your character is anyone with a specific partner, instead of swapping out, they join forces. This changes both character's playstyles since they'll be combined to one control. Right now I can only think of Iya and Kipper kicking each other to knock out enemies

I guess that's it lol

anyway, that's Shallow Stares: Portals and Parties so far

#long post #soooooooo many sentences don't bother mate #Shallow Stares #jell tells shit #edit: I fucking forgot Cameron but uhhhhhhh #he's a speed based. slinky slippy guy #just like Kipper he has a stun function with a camera flash #Unlocking Cameron unlocks a scrapbook that contains misc art/concepts/backgrounds etc #he's a cameraman afterall. unlock him by uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #talk to his npc IG

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tom-failure · 3 months

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'Have you ever kissed a guy before me?'

'Yeah. I have.'

'What?! No way! You gotta tell me!'

'Eh, you're not gonna like it. It's a love story.'

'I want to know that about you. I want to know your love stories, too.'

'I can tell you, but it's just gonna make you sad.'

'Try me.'

'Okay, well… it was back when I'd just run away. I was fourteen, but told everyone I was sixteen. Wanted to seem cooler. This guy took a shine to me immediately. I mean, he did need a boy to run his errands, but you gotta admit he kept an eye out for me when no one would. Took me under his wing, taught me to survive on the street. He was nineteen or so, I think, at fourteen you really tend to see that as a seasoned adult. But he was actually seasoned, you know? Hardened by that life. I made a mistake. I fell in love with him. Saw sun play in his hair and the speckles in his eyes. That kinda shit.

We were getting drunk in his garage one night.

He asked me if I was a virgin.

I said yes. God knows why I wanted to be so honest with him.

He laughed. Then he asked if I wanted him to fix that for me.

I asked him, what, without even kissing first? Tried to play tough. Panicked a little, too.

Naïve.

Then he kissed me. Just like that. Properly, with tongue and all. And then said, well, now you have no excuse.

And I thought, he's right. I don't.'

'So…'

'Yeah.'

…

'Was it… good? No, sorry, that's…'

'Not really. It kinda hurt. Did nothing for me. I thought it would be… different. When you love somebody, isn't it supposed to be like heaven? I tried to learn to like it. Thought it was acquired taste. Never got used to it, to be honest. But, well… sometimes he kissed me during and after. That did something for me. I was stupid. I wanted it. Thought it made me hella grown-up. Thought it was worth it to bear it a few minutes, if it was for someone I loved. Really, I was so braindead, can you believe it? I don't know how I didn't catch anything… well, anything too serious anyway. But I say that often, don't I? That I lucked out. You, don't do that. The first rule, Yoosungie, is to always use protection. Take it from me, I oughta know.

Anyways. One night I saw him with that girl… she was one of the delinquents, like us. Like a year older than him, too. She would try to squish my cheeks whenever she saw me.

He was… kissing her. You know, with the ass grabbing, and the cheek cupping, all that… "romantic" stuff. Like in movies. I'd wanted that. I would beg for that. And even if I got that, it was always 'be quiet so no one hears', always sneaking around, at the back of his garage, at some nooks and crannies where no one would know. Nah, I knew why that was, I wasn't that stupid. I knew I could never be his prince on the roaring black horse. But still… where I had to beg and sneak, she was getting what I was working like hell for, right there, on the corner, for all to see. I think he even pressed her to the wall, and she even told him to stop, but he kept at it. And in my stupid head it was like: she doesn't have to ask, and she doesn't even want it, but she gets it, and I don't? How am I worse than her?

I waited for him by his garage. Don't think he was surprised to see me. I always followed him, like a duckling. He let me in. Thought he knew why I was there. And I made another mistake. I asked him, what was that all about? With that girl? I thought you weren't really into all that kissing business?

That's what he told me, you see. That it wasn't really his bag. That it's just girls that like it.

I'd never seen him that scary. I was still growing back then, about your height, I think. Maybe a little taller. He took that step at me, and I was looking him right here, he had a tattoo there, said something like 'Freedom without bounds'. I was a tough kid. Even if romantic. Looked up at him. Into his fuckin eyes.

He said, who do you think you are.

I said, I'm the guy you do right here twice a week give or take. Said, do that mean nothing to you. I thought we had something going on.

He laughed. Ugly.

Said, oh, is that what you thought, kiddo. Well, all that's going on is that so-and-so is my girlfriend. And you better get me some of that fancy new beer from the corner store first thing tomorrow. For me and my queen. I don't want to show up on my date all dishevelled.

Guess that was my first heartbreak. You know. So many firsts with him.

I was getting real mad. I said, well, what if I went and ran my mouth real loud about what you do when no one's looking?

And he laughed even louder, leaned in right here in my face, got spit all over me. Said, and what do you think they'll do? When a fresh piece of ass goes to them and tells them it's all nice and loose for them? Then got all serious and told me, get lost. If I see you again, will beat your nose in. Your mama and dada will have nothing to identify.

Kicked me in the stomach, picked me by the scruff, like a shitty cat, and threw me out.

That night… I found one of those back corners where he used to do me. I felt an awful lot like crying, but that just made me madder. I wanted to be a man, you know. To be strong. I just balled my fists and hit the wall. Time and time again. It got bloody real fast. Hurt. But I had to get it out of my system.

He never helped me again. But he'd already done all he could for me back then. Taught me to survive, the hard way. I stuck with other guys. Drifted from ones to others, then got accepted, got better at what they do.

And then kind of decided that was not the life. When I got someone caring for me.

And here I am.

…what?'

'That wasn't a love story.'

'I told you you wouldn't like it… aw shit, look at you, now I made you cry. Shit.'

'I don't get why you are so calm about it. You're supposed to be mad, why are you telling me this like it's okay? Like it's something that just… happens?'

'Because it does just happen, Yoosungie.'

'You… you were fourteen! You wanted to be kissed! Loved! And he… He…! For kisses… just for damn kisses…'

'Don't say it like that. Please. I was just stupid, I wanted it. I know it was fucked up. But it was all my fault. Please.'

'No it wasn't!'

'Yoosung…'

'It wasn't "your fault", you were fourteen, Zen, for god's sake! And you just talk about it like this, and call it a 'love story'?! The way he used you like a, a, a… a thing?! Like it's okay?!'

'It is okay. And if it's not… aw shit, no-no-no, I don't need that right now.

Shit. I knew it would end like this. C'me here.'

'Don't touch me. Stop making this all about me. It's about you! Why aren't you mad?! He used you, he just used your body without a care for what you wanted or liked, you know what that's called? Why the hell aren't you mad?!'

'No. He didn't. Stop. Stop. Stop. Shut up. Shut up.'

'Why aren't you mad?! You're supposed to be mad!'

'I don't need this right now.

I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need this right now. I don't need. I don't need. Don't need…'

…

'Don't do that… please… I'm sorry. I made it all about me, I said all the wrong things… forgive me…'

'…'

'I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry. So sorry…'

'It's okay. I think… I wanted to tell you.'

'I did everything wrong… I wanted you to be able to be fully yourself with me… I wanted you to trust me. And look at how I reacted…'

'Well, and I didn't really hold my tongue either, did I? Maybe I was hoping you'd be that way. Maybe I needed someone to tell me just how fucked up it was.

You know… this isn't really the worst thing that's happened to me. But about that other stuff… I'm not sure I'll even be able to talk. Not yet.'

'You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.'

'I… I want to. I just can't. Yet.

I… want you to know all those things about me. I think you'll understand. Maybe you're the only one who can understand, really. Maybe you understand better than I do.'

'Zen…'

'…'

'I… I'll try to earn your trust. If you let me… I'll ask how bad it is beforehand… I'll be prepared…'

'No need. You know… I like you for the way you are. With all these opinions of yours. I told you. That way you see things, your outlook. I think… I need it. I need you the way you are. I need you to look at me and tell me what you think. Honestly, like you can.'

'I'll try. I promise.'

…

'I love you.'

#I'm So Normal about Zen's backstory #because I mean #it explains so much about him as a character and about his most godawful takes #I mean his whole entire fucked up stance on masculinity definitely comes from there #zensung #yoozen #mystic messenger #should I make a tag for mysmes?#it will probably be прівєт пострижися #i mean they shouldn't I love their tacky hairstyles #but I mean wouldn't it be simply just hilarious #прівєт пострижися #пойду туда бль #mysmes

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sabraeal · 2 years

Text

The Only Adult in the Room, Part 2

[Read on AO3]

Before there was a Mother-sized hole left in the halls of Father’s mansion-- or rather, before Father tried to fill it with That Woman-- Izana’s place had been by his knee. If Father’s associates had thought it odd for a small child to be sorting shapes in the corner of a board meeting, they had valued their own jobs too much to say so. He’d seen profiles from those days, business magazines speculating about what Kain Wisteria’s parenting meant for the board room, whether CEO would become the new ABCs. The sort of journalism that business loved to see if only because it humanized them to the masses, turning a soulless conglomerate into a household name overnight. Cute, but naive.

Perhaps they would have taken a different angle now, knowing how easily he’d been replaced. Or maybe they’d see it the way his father did: a removal of a private failure from the public eye; a cunning leap from a sinking ship of an investment. After all, what else could a son from a failed marriage be but a failure himself?

No matter what they think-- or what Father does-- it can’t erase what he learned. They may say Kain Wisteria is a shark in a suit, but oh, they’ll have to make up a new predator for the splash he’ll make when it’s time. Father may be cunning, but Izana could think circles around him before he left primary school.

It’s only too bad he can’t seem to show it. “Garak-san,” he says, the edges of her name worn from repetition. “We have been over this before. I am not, by law, an adult.”

“Oh come on.” Magnanimity should only be seen as a whim from a position of power, Father had told him, otherwise it’s simply a weakness for lesser minds to exploit. With the way Garak fixes one of her eyes on him, sizing him up like a barracuda does a tuna, Izana is loath to admit he might be right. “You know no one would mind.”

In several cases, some might actively prefer him. However, he knows better than to say so; the last thing Garak needs is to be encouraged. “The headmistress is not paying you to run your errands during work hours.”

Garak flaps her hand at him, as if such concerns were beneath her. “Your mother won’t mind. It’ll just be a minute anyway. I bet if you read a book, I’d be back before story time even ended.”

His breath hisses through his nose. “That’s not the--”

“’Ni-chan?” A tiny hand tugs on his trouser. The girls here might say he’s made of ice, but he melts under Zen’s wide-eyed stare. “Did you say you were gonna read a story?”

“Ah...” More eyes peek up, drawn away from their contributions to modern art and fixing on him. “It was Garak-san who said--”

“That’s right!” Father had laughed when Mother hired Garak-- what use is a drop out?-- but she knows how to seize an opportunity better than any shark in the Wisteria board room. “Izana-kun is going to read story.”

He stiffens. “I didn’t--”

Zen’s always been a particularly adorable child, but it’s the hope in those big eyes that arrests him. “Can it be Sir Panda?”

“Nah!” Obi squawks, tumbling over one of the plastic chairs to get to him. “I wanna read Sentai Squad! Can we? Can we?”

“I...”

He glances up; not for guidance-- he knows better than to expect any help from Garak, unless it’s help making trouble-- but some sort of support, another mind that is not consumed with Saturday Morning Cartoons--

Only to find the space Garak filled empty, and her apron hung up on the door. His only solace is that she at least took Ryuu with her. Hopefully on purpose.

“All right,” he sighs, glancing down at the two dead-weights clinging to his legs. “Get the cushions out.”

Wars were won and lost with simpler logistics than those employed to pull off story time. Generals might issue orders to thousands of men on the field, but all of them took direction better than five children under five.

“Kiki,” he manages, keeping his voice as even as he would with a member of his father’s C-suite. “We all sit on our own pillow.”

Her eyebrows knit over the sharp line of her nose, her mouth making its mirror beneath it. An expression that would be menacing were Mitsuhide’s cheeks not churning through a dozen different color reds behind it. “You just said to find a cushion. This one is fine.”

“This one,” he says, so calm, “is a person.”

“I-I duwnt mind,” Mitsuhide mutters behind her, resembling a cherry more than a child with every word. “If she’s comfowtibble.”

With extreme patience, Izana drags his attention over her shoulder. “Comfortable. And that’s not the point, it’s--”

“Haki-nee-sama!”

It’s not that Izana’s heart skips; that would be...foolish. Absurd, even. He sees Arleon every day, the sweep of her hair as familiar to him as the back of his hand. Which is only to be expected when he spends six hours a day staring at the back of it.

In class, of course, not for any...personal reasons. He’s not stupid.

It’s only that he stands so quickly. A skip, a pound, a stutter-- all just marks of the work needed to compensate for the blood rushing to his head. Nothing to do with the way the school’s tartan stretches over the swell of her hips, or how the swoop of her side part always sees to fall right over her eye, begging to be pushed behind an ear.

“Arleon.” It’s instinct to meet her eyes, but they flutter dangerously, fixed on where Zen clutches to her knee. His gaze drops, caught on the smooth curve of her lips, the one spreading wide even as she stares, and that’s-- that’s even worse. “Can I help you?”

That smile shutters as quick as a house before a storm. She shifts, a dull rattle following her, that he realizes the she’s carrying something. A large something, considering how much translucent plastic dominates her arms.

“No.” Her chin lifts, like maybe if it gains a few more centimeters, she might be able to look down her nose at him the way she likes. “I was only here to look for, um--” her attention fixes to the wall behind him-- “Shidnote-kun.”

“Shidnote?” He stares, watching the way she squirms in the silence. Well, relative silence, considering how Obi is already showing off the new sentai moves from the last episode. “He’s at practice today.”

And quite frankly, I didn’t know you even knew his name, he doesn’t say, because it’s none of his business, not at all. It’s just...new information. Shidnote might not be in the advanced class with the two of them, but he is the sort of boy girls like to whisper about. There’s always a gaggle of them at the chain link fence when he plays, giggling when he’s up to bat. Arleon had just never seemed like one of them.

“Oh.” If anything, she seems relieved. “That’s too bad.”

They stand there for a long moment before he offers, “You could wait for him, if you wanted. He’ll be here to pick up his brother--” the clock is behind him-- “sometime soon.”

At least, so he hopes. Shidnote might like to play at being too cool to be seen with his littler brother, but there’s an apron with his name on it with a reason.

“Oh no, that’s fine.” For someone searching for Shidnote, Arleon isn’t too concerned about finding him. Instead her gaze floats to the floor, fixing on the few children still sitting on it. “Are you watching the children all by yourself? Where’s Gazelt-san?”

“Out.” It comes out too terse for casual, which is how he prefers to be seen with Arleon around. Comfortable even. In control. “We were just sitting down to story time.”

Her brows raise. “By yourself?”

Ah, that’s right. Arleon has definitely been here for one of these before. Tore up his favorite-- ah, a very nice set of her stockings fishing Shirayuki out of the bushes.

“Of course,” he informs her, lofty. “The children are very well behaved--” mostly-- “it’s not as if it’s an issue.”

Her mouth rounds, a perfect ‘o.’ “I wasn’t trying to say-- eek!”

“Whatcha got there?” Obi must have picked up some skills from his shows; one minute he’s standing in the middle of the circle, the next he’s pawing up Arleon’s leg, struggling to get a look at her container. “Is it a snack?”

“Obi!” Izana’s never approved of Shidnote’s method of concussive discipline, but he’s starting to see the appeal of it now. With one swooping movement, he pries the offender off her, depositing him safely on the floor. “Please show some decorum.”

“De-cor...?” Obi blinks up at her, wide and wild like a cat. “Oh are they decorated? Like cookies?”

“Cookies?” Zen rests his chin on her thigh, eyes practically sparkling. “Haki-nee-san, I like cookies.”

“Oh?” Her eyelashes flutter, dark against the smooth porcelain of her cheek, a similar curve to the one pulling at her lips. “Well, I did just make some in Home Ec club. I was going to bring them home, but I suppose if you all would like some...”

It’s a scramble then, toddler climbing over toddler to follow her to the play mat. She kneels, giggling as Zen and Obi trip each other up to get to her, sprawling on the carpet. Izana’s half afraid there will be tears until she says, “Let’s all sit nicely, shall we?”

Father always said that women were a civilizing presence; if the board ever got to squabbling so bad the table shook, he’d buzz one of his personal assistants in with a fresh pot of coffee and watch the room remember itself. He’d claimed it was the reason he hired them exclusively for the position; one Izana believed right up until he married the last one. It’d always struck him as a bit ridiculous anyway-- Mother might be calm and composed, but Garak existed as well, and, well, she was anything but.

So it’s with something akin to annoyance that he watches every one of his wayward little dependents take their seat around her with the sort of reverent awe usually saved for fish tanks.

Mitsuhide is the one to snuggle close, fitting his small thigh right next to hers like two pieces of very different sized puzzles. “Don’t wowwy,” he hums, patting her stocking with one chubby hand. “I’ll pwotect you. I wun let anyone grab anyfing or nuffing.”

As far as Izana’s been able to puzzle out in his few months here, Arleon is the nice girl of this school, the one boys dream about bringing home to their families and then coaxing into their bed. A pretty face with a nice smile with a body straight out of a magazine, Shidnote told him once, grinning the whole time. Plus I heard she cooks as good as your mom.

That stymied him for a moment. My mother can’t cook.

Fine, Shidnote huffed. As good as everyone else’s mom. And she’s top spot for exams.

Or at least she had been, until he outscored her. He’d never had much cause to interact with her beyond the perfunctory niceties the children of long-time family friends were expected to perform, but oh, he did not get any sweet smiles after that. No, the Arleon he knew and the Haki-chan she showed to everyone else were worlds apart.

Which is why it’s so strange to see that polite mask melt into a smile bright enough to warm the room. “Oh, well,” she murmurs in a tone that would make his palms prickle, if he gave in to that sort of nonsense. “My hero must get the first cookie, mustn’t he?”

She opens the container with a flourish, pulling out a cookie that’s still so warm the chocolate smear against her fingertips. And Mitsuhide’s as he takes it, red cheeked and dazzled and sure to smear it everywhere, but even still, Izana’s attention is arrested on Arleon. Those slender fingers rise up to her mouth, pink tongue flashing out before she reaches for another--

“No.” Kiki glowers from her cushion, twisting her chin away. “I don’t want one.”

“O-oh?” Arleon blinks, her soft confidence evaporating under the force of Kiki’s disapproval. “Are you sure?”

Mitsuhide bites into his, cheeks puffed out as a chipmunk’s. “It’s sooooo good.”

If anything, Kiki grows icier. “Quite sure.”

“Well, if I suppose if you really--”

“ME NEXT!”

There’s no stopping it; Izana catches only the briefest glimmer of hunger in his wide eyes before Obi’s off like a bullet, tearing across the nursery with a speed even Shidnote might struggle to match. Every older brother instinct he has sends his hands out, and perhaps if it were Zen, too trustful and with the reflexes of a rather slow dog, he would be safely caught. As it is, Obi dodges around his grasp, barreling toward Arleon with a single-minded purpose.

And with all the grace of a three-year-old, his foot catches on the carpet. His fall can’t take more than a second, maybe two, but between one blink and the next, Izana has time to see his hands fly out before him, those cat eyes closing in faith and fear, hoping he’ll be caught. It’s no one’s fault, no one’s at all--

But that doesn’t stop him from landing palms-first on the most protruding bit of Arleon’s anatomy. Or from Shidnote rounding the corner, just in time to witness it.

“Oh!” Haki gasps, the sort of noise that makes his teeth clench down hard and hair stand on end with the same uninvited frisson he felt when he first saw where the pattern of her tights ended. “Oh my!”

Obi blinks down, his eyes flashing like a spun coin behind them. It’s speculation, not fear that weighs in them now, and it’s with mounting horror that Izana witnesses him squeeze.

“Hey!” There’s always been an unevenness to Obi’s mouth, one that always makes his smile into a smirk. It’s worse now, considering the circumstances. “These are way bigger than my mommy’s!”

There is a confluence of events, all at once:

First, Arleon’s cheeks flush, a tide that starts as a pretty bloom high on the apples and then quickly overflows its bounds, flooding up to the pale roots of her hair and down below her collar. That’s where his focus sticks for a second; he is only human, after all, and on skin so soft and smooth as hers, it’s only natural to wonder how far it might extend.

Second, Shidnote storms into the room, his palm already raised, “Obi!” echoing over the walls.

And thirdly, Kiki steps forward. Her small arm extends, and with a cacophonous crack, slaps Obi square across the nose.

He’s not ready for it; Izana hardly is, and he’s not even on the receiving end. Obi’s socked feet leave the floor-- strange, how he only notices now that they have little grips on the bottom, arranged like the pads of a cat-- and he lands hard, albeit on a bottom that is at least made for it.

An impressive show of strength; if Shishiyama-sensei were to witness it, there would most certainly be a level of hooting and hollering unbecoming of an adult. Probably ask Seiran-san if he’d ever considered putting her on a softball team with an arm like that. Even Izana’s gut instinct is to commend her, but the words hardly have time to gather on his tongue before Obi blinks-- once, twice-- and then bursts into tears.

With cool efficiency, Kiki turns to Shidnote, still frozen one step past the door, and informs him, “I handled it.”

This is, apparently, too much indignity for Obi. He struggles to his cat-padded feet and tears off to the play kitchen, taking refuge in one of the cabinets. Shidnote doesn’t give him more than a glance; instead he looks down at where Kiki stands and says, “Nice arm, kid.”

Seiran’s don’t beam-- such displays are frowned upon in the board room-- but Kiki does radiate with satisfaction, tromping straight up to Arleon and jutting out her hand. “I’ll take that cookie now.”

It’s here Arleon’s inexperience truly shines: she gives it to her.

Although out of sight, Obi is clearly not content to be out of mind. Holed up in a plastic cabinet he’s only just small enough to squeeze himself into, it does nothing to muffle the wailing and carrying on inside. Like all younger siblings, he was born with both the ability to shriek and the resolve to use it.

“I’m sorry,” Arleon says, or at least he thinks so; it’s hard to hear anything over Obi’s wails. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble. And I certainly shouldn’t have reward Kiki for--”

“Nah.” Shidnote’s grin pulls lopsidedly across his face. “He deserved it. Trust me, not even mom will mind.”

Knowing Shidnote-sensei, she’d probably thank her for it. Maybe even give Kiki a gold star. And that’s before she heard any of his...commentary.

“I don’t know what to do.” Arleon’s slender hands clap to her face. “He seems really upset, should I--?”

“Is fine.” A small hand pats her own, and Shirayuki gives her the sunniest of smiles. Even with all the screeching, he can’t shake the feeling that it might all be just fine. Funny how a girl who can’t even put on her own shoes can make it feel that way. “I help.”

She holds her palm out, eyebrows taking an encouraging lift. Hesitantly, Arleon hands her a cookie, the chips all cooled to the proper shape. “You want...this?”

“Uh-huh.” She gives a big nod, enough that she nearly topples. “Tank yu, nee-chama!”

With a determined waddle, Shirayuki cross the room dropping down to hands and knees to get past the fridge doors, hanging open on their plastic hinges. She stops, mouth screwed up with concentration as she shuts them, softly, quietly, making sure not to spill any of their contents. It’s the sort of attention to detail Izana appreciates; no one else is going to painstakingly puts the food in its place when the day is done.

“O-bi?” she calls out when she finishes, pigtails shivering as she hops along on her knees. Right up to the cabinet door, where she knocks. “Ohhh-bi?”

The wailing stops. A second later, the door creaks open. “W-what?”

Shirayuki holds out the cookie, a beatific smile rounding her cheeks. “For you!”

The door trembles, and by inches, Obi’s face emerges from behind it, uncertainty and hunger all rolled into one.

“I dun...” He swallows hard, eyes never moving from where the cookie sits. “I dun want it.”

Her smile only pulls wider. “Yours!”

He stares at her, then at the cookie, paralyzed. It’s clear what he wants, but he’s too much like his brother, too filled with senseless pride to take it. “N--”

Shirayuki leans forward, shoving it into his mouth. “I help!” she tells him. “Yum yum!”

Left with nothing else to do, he bites into it. The cookie might not still be warm and melty, but sitting there, half in and out of the cabinet, with Shirayuki clapping as he chews, Obi is.

“Well,” Shidnote grunts, rubbing at the back of his head. “That’s gonna be a problem in a few years.”

“W-what?” Zen drops the cookie in his own hand, letting it crack to three pieces on the mat. “Me too!” he yells, getting to his feet. “Me too!”

“Now that--” Shidnote grins-- “is going to be even worse.”

“Next time we see Haki-chan, you’re gonna apologize,” Shidnote informs his brother, pinching his leg where it’s slung over his shoulder. “And you’re gonna mean it.”

“Fer what?” Obi folds his arms sullenly over Shidnote’s hair. “I didn do anyting wrong!”

“You touched her-- her boobies,” Zen hisses, so helpful, from Izana’s arms. “Dat’s not allowed.”

“You’re supposed to ask before touching another person’s body,” Izana corrects, cutting over Shidnote’s half-baked grumbling. He’s not a man that often wrangles with whys, and it shows. “Especially the personal parts.”

“But Kiki sits on me with her butt all the time!” His arms flail wildly, nearly topping him off. “And she never asks first!”

“That’s a little different--”

“It’s your fault,” Zen informs him, so calm. “You’re annoying!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am--” Obi squiggles, mouth folding into a pout-- “lemme down! I’ll show him who’s annoying!”

There’s a park on the way home, one with enough grass that the kids can tussle a little without hurting anything more permanently. Izana still worries, watching Obi tackle Zen to the turf, but if there’s anything he’s learned the past few months, it’s that sometimes it’s better just to let them get it out.

“The worst part,” Shidnote sighs, “is that I can’t even blame him.”

“Hm?” Izana blinks up. The boys have found a bit of goose poop, they’ll be shouting stinky at the top of their lungs for at least another ten minutes at least. “About being annoying?”

“What? No. I can blame him all I like for that.” He shrugs, his shoulders taking up too much space for someone their age. “I mean the thing with Haki-chan.”

“Oh.” Something about that-- about hearing Shidnote say her name like that, Haki-chan-- irritates him, like sand stuck in an oyster’s shell. The rest of the school might buy her act, but Shidnote-- Shidnote knows how she really is. He doesn’t need to be acting like she’s some sort of girl.

“Well, of course not,” he says instead, stamping out any sign of his annoyance. “It was an accident.

Shidnote huffs, too amused. “Are you kidding me, Wisteria? I don’t care about that. Have you seen the rack on her--” he mimes, so helpful-- “I’d squeeze ‘em too, if she gave me half a chance.”

Izana experiences...something. Something strange.

There’s a pounding in his head, like another heartbeat between his ears. His vision narrows too, growing more acute the louder that second heart pounds, and his chest--

“That’s no way to talk about her,” he manages through the ache, wishing he knew more about the symptoms of a heart attack. Nothing’s gone numb, but that feels like it’s only a matter of time. “May I remind you, Arleon-san is far more than just her cup size.”

He’s certain, after the words are said, that this will pass. Already the pounding grows less pronounced, and the sweat on his palms does not renew after he wipes them on his trousers. All in all, it’s as if it never happened, except--

Except Shidnote stares at him, leaning down as if he needs a closer look, and grins.

“Oh-ho,” he hums, at the precise pitch of a swing of an executioner’s blade, “so you do have a crush on her.”

#obiyukibingo22 #obiyuki #hakizana #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #babysitter au #my fic #gakuen babysitter AU #high school babysitters au #modern au #ans #here we are with another piece of this and a very long reach to get that sweet obiyuki content #squeaking in under the wire here on that BUT I'M GOOD FOR IT #this is one of those fics where i'm like #one day i should write this start to finish #and even out all these parts #BUT NOT TODAY

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jade-qilin · 2 years

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Hello dear! Hopefully your doing ok right now. I was wondering If I could get headcanons for yandere kazunari miyoshi with a crush on Mc? Thank you very much for all of your hard work ｡ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

yandere!kazunari miyoshi w a crush | A3!

notes: hi anon! so sorry for the late reply 😭 i did not forget i am just an idiot lol. i’m also going to assume by MC you mean the director? i’m not entirely sure so i’ll write two sets of headcanons just for fun lmao

content warning: the author of this blog does not condone the actions shown below. if you encounter a situation similar to this, please confide in your local law enforcement or a trusted adult. this story is not meant to be taken as a romantic story, but a horror one. it is for entertainment purposes anyway, and the actions should never be re-enacted in IRL situations. MC has gender-neutral/no pronouns

if you’re a classmate:

Kazunari is a social butterfly, but you must have been quite something to catch his eye in such a way

at first, the way he treats you is barely different from how he treats others. he’s testing the waters of course, seeing how you’ll react to his advances and wondering if you’ll be like the others

he’s quite delighted yet also very conflicted when he finds out that you’re different. he’s never felt this way about anyone before, after all

expect you to be his muse in almost anything he does from then on. the new painting for his upcoming exhibit? it’s a drawing of you, though quite obscure. when he has to take inspiration from nature for an assignment? he’s choosing your favourite animal or flower

Kazunari invites you to everything his social circle is doing. karaoke, drinks in the evenings, holidays with Mankai. he really would be elated if you joined

if you decline? no worries! Kazunari has a large social circle as well as an appearance as a party guy to keep up. he’s worked hard to maintain his image; he’s not about to ruin it now

as time goes on however, he starts cracking

it begins when you don’t go to see his plays, whether it’s because you’re busy, because you’re broke, or because you just don’t like plays.

if he sees you going out with your own social circle, he does everything he can to squeeze into it

your majors are different? no problem! Kazu has tons of connections, on top of his knowledge from Mankai plays

it’s really hard for those not close to him to notice the changes tbh. he’s become quite the actor after all

as for his cast members, maybe an intervention is needed…

he’s the type to send lots of cheesy pickup lines and stickers via Instablam

he’ll probably use anonymous accounts to harass you if you block him. it’s best to just mute the chat with him and never answer or read them; then at least you can use the excuse that you’re too busy to check your social media

if you’re the director:

to Kazunari, the director basically saved his soul. joining Mankai was the best decision he ever made, because you’re there everyday

and now he gets to live with you? oh boy…

at first, he shows his obsession with you through small acts: making breakfast specifically for you, running up to you during practice and asking how he did, accompanying you with your errands

he’s still quite conflicted with his feelings though. you’re still the first person to see the “real him”, and one of the first to fully accept him

as such, his obsession is hardly noticeable. he’s like a duckling that imprinted onto you; it’s kinda cute, but nothing out of the ordinary

(especially when all of the other dorm residents look up to their dear director so lovingly, either because of their own crushes or out of admiration)

as time goes on though, Kazunari can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy and irritation whenever he sees you around the other troupe members

it’s increasingly obvious during the times where the Summer Troupe is NOT the ones performing, or when he wasn’t chosen for this round’s mixed troupe play

he’s practically begging Tsuzuru to add him to the cast. it fails most of the time

overall, he’s not a violent person. he doesn’t have the body strength to do anything particularly cruel, nor does he really have the courage

y’all still better sleep with one eye open though, because this man does have connections and he’s not afraid to use them

he knows his way around social media too, and can absolutely ruin the reputation of those he deems as his rivals

the first person to notice a change (of any kind) would either be Yuki or Misumi, then maybe Muku (since they’re roomies)

Yuki is very observant, and he’d notice that Kazunari had gotten more and more distracted

meanwhile Misumi is very in-tune to just general changes all around. he wouldn’t quite understand what exactly is going on, but he knows something’s up with his best buddy

#ren writes #qilin writes #a3!#act! addict! actors!#act! addict! actors! headcanons #kazunari miyoshi #yandere #not romance

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theyarebothgunshot · 1 year

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Have you shown your mom this weekends shenanigans yet? I know she has perceived in the past….

Also, I feel like some people are trying to “explain” the boyfriend comment away (which either way still points to cule so idk what the reasons behind that would be) But for real, the man already exposed his 🐻pants on stage and then later got a 🍆 on that same stage so honestly what’s a little innuendo about their relationship going to hurt?

But the denial just makes my sheer unadulterated glee more profound. Anyway, my boss told me to take today off because we were waiting on some other stuff- and while I should be running errands, or doing taxes…I’m going to rewatch the panel and all the gifs again and just SQUEAL

🦤

no not yet lmao i only see my parents once a week on average but we are also watching buffy atm so idk when/if i will have the time to show her this panel, though i do think she'd love it!

i am jealous you had time off, i am very mad i have to be a responsible adult atm :')

#dodo anon

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evansbby · 1 year

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Omg yeah I don’t even think I thought of him killing her because I was so devastated with the last segment of the book, but you’re so right. I’m sorry if I’m a little fuzzy on the details lol, I literally read it right when it came out because I saw that it had dropped (so 2 years ago now I think…)

But yes, idk like I read the book many years after I had read the Hunger Games, so the monstrosity of Snow wasn’t as fresh in my mind (all I had memories of was the blood roses and his weird threats to Katniss, and obviously yeah his whole endorsement of Panem and the Hunger Games). But it was endlessly fascinating to get the backstory of all of that, how any of this had started, how his family was one of the destitute elites clinging to symbols of wealth to keep their reputation as an old money/power family. I guess seeing him as a child and then young adult made me see the pressures that he was under, growing up in a society that prioritized and rewarded grit, defining it as this winning quality that was pretty much comprised of always choosing yourself, keeping up appearances, and sacrificing other people out of necessity (but at what point do they realize they’re doing it out of a sick joy, not reluctance).

So yeah, those moments with Lucy, I completely agree, I don’t remember the specifics, but I remember thinking that this person hardened by the world he grew up in was inexplicably drawn to the light of a person who insisted on being herself, optimistic and eccentric and weird and a songbird in a world where evil and cruelty and being cutthroat was celebrated. She was the antidote to that society, and in all their moments together, I couldn’t help but hope that somehow she would change him, because they were so clearly in love. I almost put the fact that I knew how he ended up in the back of my mind, and let myself fall in love with their love. So yeah, when that scene happened and he left her behind…… idk but it literally felt like some piece of my heart breaking off and shattering in my chest. It was all these pinpricks of hope that love would be enough, her love and innate goodness would heal him and break apart the stirring seeds of malevolence in his heart. But obviously, it was never going to be enough. That book genuinely messed my heart up lol, sent me back to being like love is truly dead lmao (I’m better now)

Anyways I did not mean to turn this into a long ass review but I am so fucking excited you read this book!!!!!!!!!!!! Because I was so hype when I read it when it came out and so upset because literally no one was talking about it like where were all the hunger games fans????????? And I texted my friends about Lucy and snow and the heartbreak and recommended it to them but they didn’t read it so anyways I’ve literally been saving up this angst and have yet to organically come across a single person who even knows about this book. It hits different and it’s amazing and I’m done now and sorry for throwing this unhingedness in your inbox 🫠

majorly agree with all of this! and im still reeling from the book tbh, like there’s sooo much i wanna add to this but I just can’t find the words! I too have no one to talk to about this! None of my closest friends are readers! And exactly, the fact that Snow’s love was NEVER going to be enough and we as the reader know this is just… wow. I really really wanted him to change, be better. In the end, I wanted Lucy Gray to somehow outsmart him, get the best of him. Well, she didn’t but at least she found out the truth about him before she died. And you’re right about the feeling of your heart shattering… like I was reading it in a Starbucks bc I was running errands and I didn’t have the patience to go home and when I finished it I literally just sat there staring into space. That last scene by the lake haunts me. How Snow just… betrayed and left behind and killed the two people who loved him most: Sejanus and especially Lucy Gray. HE LOVED HER. But it wasn’t a pure love and it wasn’t enough 😭❤️

#I’m never getting over it #i hope the movie does the book justice but.#HOW can they make a good movie out of this when the book is so long #it could’ve easily been two movies #idek #anon #a ballad of songbirds and snakes

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teaandcartography · 1 month

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March 18th, 2024 - What am I doing?

Many times I’ve attempted to write a blog like this, and every time I gave up because it genuinely felt like I was essentially just talking to a wall. I don’t have a lot of friends, never have. My social circles have always been so small and I’ve always felt so lonely, so occasionally I think about just venting online in the hopes that someone will hear me. I really wonder how so many people are okay with being alone, spending time with themselves and never getting bored. If I don’t reach out to a friend for over an hour, I feel like I might go insane.

We sometimes associate “being alone” with “being lonely,” and it is important to realize that there is a difference between those two. Being “alone” is a physical state where you are physically by yourself. Being “lonely” is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they’re right next to you. Sometimes we are happy to be by ourselves, and sometimes we wish for the company of others. –Sharon Melin, MA, Outpatient Therapist.

Hell, I like being alone sometimes. To just be able to listen to my music and do whatever I feel like doing. But soon enough I get bored of my own company and need someone to bounce off of in a conversation, or to simply have another presence in the room with me. So I tend to reach out to a friend in the hopes for a nice, entertaining, and active conversation about whatever. But being an adult with adult friends, not everyone has time to immediately respond. That’s when loneliness kicks in.

I never blamed my friends for prioritising their life, in fact, I want them to prioritise their own life the same way I want to prioritise mine. But what I struggle with the most is that in loneliness, my priority is to find a connection with someone close to me. I’ve never been close to my family, so sitting down in the living room and telling my parents about what triggered my depression, or my opinions on a TV-show I recently watched, is a genuine struggle. They don’t understand, it’s simply a matter of being born and raised in a different generation. I’ve yet to fully accept that.

So naturally, I try to reach out to my best friends, or one of the three. And then more struggles arise:

N says, “Sorry, I’m already hanging out with my boyfriend,” which has turned into her standard reply for everything. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like asking her to hang out is pointless, so I stopped doing it. And it genuinely upsets me that she prioritises her boyfriend over her best friend whom she has known since 2012.

T has recently been broken up with. I never liked his girlfriend anyway, but I want him to take the time and space he needs to recover from that. But even before the breakup, he and I struggled to spend time together because his now ex-girlfriend was always jealous of me. (It’s a long story.)

J lives on the other side of the globe and works night shifts. Plus, he’s very active in helping his family with running errands, and he’s studying to chase his dream career. A good person all-in-all, but always busy and preoccupied. Besides, it doesn’t help that I am madly in love with him and I feel like if I double-texted him, I’ll come across as clingy and annoying. (Though he has always told me to reach out to him if I need him, I can’t shake this fear of abandonment if I text him one time too often.)

Of course, I have other connections who you could consider to be in the realm of “friends” as well, but spending time with them often feels emotionally draining (unlike the people mentioned above.) Rarely I have the energy to just hop into a Discord voice chat and deal with the chaos of 4-5 other people joining and talking over one another. Can you tell that I’m the wallflower at parties?

Also, I should probably mention that while writing these paragraphs, I am also doing my research on these topics and maybe I can come to a realisation or find a solution to my problems.

For example, while reading a piece on Nystrom Associates/Nystrom Counseling, I am learning that loneliness is, more often than not, simply the result of a bad relationship with myself. I am very critical of myself, I am a perfectionist, I substitute the lack of social connections with listening to a podcast or having Supernatural play idly on my second monitor, while I stare at my wallpaper on my primary monitor and overthink about whether or not J only keeps me around for his own benefit, or if N just stopped caring about me.

And what about professional help?

Well, considering I am a 26-year-old college student with no steady income, and my health insurance not covering psychological help, I find myself at a fork in the road. Either I go into debt to speak to a psychologist to try and rekindle the love for myself, or I do my own research and spend all of my free time trying to figure it out all by my little self.

Both sound incredibly exhausting, right? Like, nobody is excited about owing anyone money, and if my attempts at self-care fail, how will I ever find time to have fun before I go to sleep?

One of the things that Hannah Hippe on Nystrom mentions is that I need to recognize my internal critic, and replace those negative thoughts with a positive alternative. Easier said than done, of course, but it’s something that gets easier the more you do it.

For example, since two weeks ago I have been feeling like my lack of focus for my internship only means that I am nothing but dead weight to the company. I felt immense guilt for even sitting there, at my desk, trying so hard to work on a project but not being able to get where I want to be by the end of the day. And asking for help suddenly became so incredibly difficult. I felt like if I tapped my boss on the shoulder one more time, he’d scold me for not being at the level of proactivity I should be.

But in reality, only five minutes earlier, my boss told me that after my two-week sick leave (arranged by my college because of how stressed and depressed I was,) he was incredibly happy to have me back. And confirming that I am good at what I do. My other colleagues expressed something similar, by waving and smiling really excitedly to see me back at my desk.

So the thoughts I had two weeks ago, “I’m only in the way of this company moving forward. I’m not doing my job right. I’m not experienced enough for this,” are far from the truth.

Keeping what Hannah wrote in mind, I can also apply this to my doubts about friendship with J. (Ignoring the fact that I am head over heels for him just for this theory.) J is a genuine person, he has shown me on and on that he values honesty, respect, and effort. If those are out of balance, he does not hesitate to address it, and if necessary, he cuts off connections if the other party doesn’t want to fix it with him.

So if I really were a burden to J, would he have bothered spending time with me at all? Would he send me TikToks and say, “This is us,” or would he even ask what’s on my mind when he notices I sound a little upset?

The answer is no, if I was a burden to him, he wouldn’t even talk to me at all. And I may not be religious, but thank God or whatever deity sent this man to me because I honestly don’t know where I would be without him making me laugh more in the past 3 months, than I have in 2023.

I need to get better at catching myself thinking negatively. I need to be able to be like, “Hey, stop that. It’s not true. You’re doing okay,” whenever I feel myself spiral. I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of practice. And even if I fail keeping myself afloat, at least I can say that I’ve tried and that tomorrow is another opportunity to try again.

So, why am I writing this? Why am I here when I’ve mentioned before that I give up on writing blogs like this very easily? Maybe Tumblr isn’t even the right place to be, but it’s a platform I’m familiar with, and maybe my inner teenager still dreams of owning a frequently visited blog by hundreds of people. (Though my chances are small, a girl can still dream, right?)

Honestly, I’m just writing this to once again reach out. Maybe someone I can connect with, maybe not on a daily basis, but someone to check up on every other day or week with, “Hey, how have you been? Did you pass your exam? Or did you get that promotion? And how’s it going with that art project?”

And perhaps this blog can help someone else. Someone who is dealing with the same existential dread I wake up with every day, for them to see that they’re not alone and that there’s someone willing to listen.

I’m terrible at giving advice, therefore, I won’t. Besides, sometimes all we need is someone to listen and acknowledge, without trying to help and fix the problem. I sure as hell can’t stand it when all I want is to be heard, and instead I get a huge list of things to try to feel better. (I know their intentions are good, but sometimes you just gotta let me figure it out on my own.)

My inbox is open (anonymously as well) for you to vent to me and pretend for a couple of minutes that I am that friend you need. You know, a friend who won’t sugarcoat anything and won’t just agree with every idea or plan you have, but still have a hand reached out in case you’ve fallen. I mean, if you want to get back together with your ex, I’ll say it’s a bad idea, but the decision is up to you in the end.

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kittyfairyblog · 4 months

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Jan 3 2024

Hi all. I am back to make another blog post. Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and we my mom and I went out to run some errands. It was a busy day. Today however it is basically a normal every day kind of day even though I started off sort of an hour early today. I woke up early because there was a UPS package delivery and after I got that package inside, I didn't really feel like going back to bed. So I just got up. Right now I am charging my smart watch. I wear my smart watch so many times that right now with it off charging it feels odd. Meow right now it is under 40 degrees here in Georgia USA. Nya this neko boy is going to see if I can start this year off doing different things. I again am interested in doing dance Ballet. I know I haven't done it and I am really intrigued. I talked to my mom last night about it. I found a center here in town that does Adult Ballet for beginners. Meow it is rather cloudy outside and I had to turn on the living room light. My mom is next door babysitting my niece and nephews while my sister is off at work. Nya this neko boy is in the living room. Oh on the 16th of this month I have surgery to remove my gallbladder. I just found out yesterday I was going to have the surgery on that date. Monday I had to cut a little time out of my time walking Kylie outside because of neighborhood kids were playing, plus Kylie our dog isn't such a level headed dog when it comes to strangers. I have been listening for a while now since December of last year a JPOP group called Scandal. They are an all girl group from Japan. They are more rock than pop. Anyway I don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully crossing my fingers that the surgery to remove my gallbladder goes well and that maybe maybe I start doing ballet. Meow. Well that's it for now.

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mirrorballtales · 7 months

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After 11 days of being attacked by this viral plague (the flu) I finally felt well enough to run errands. One of those errands was urgent. My weekly trip to Michael’s. Remember that part where I stated how much I love Halloween and how I have close to twenty bins? Well, I’ll probably add another bin this fall. To be fair, it’s mainly my pup’s toys this year. I bought him a Mickey pumpkin and when it arrived, it was HUGE! Poor thing can’t even fling that thing around.

Anyway, I like to go and see what’s left in stock around this time, and I needed a frame for my new Halloween poster. My friend wanted to tag along, I said fine. We were walking around the store and I immediately smelled the Christmas potpourri. I swear the cinnamon singes my nostrils. Normally I get really irritated with the idea of how quickly Michael’s and really every single store, pushes out Halloween and starts selling Christmas decorations one week into October. Maybe because I’ve been sick for essentially half of October, or maybe because it’s so warm out, but this time, at the first sight of a lit Christmas tree, I kind of got giddy and left the Halloween decorations behind. My friend says I’m like a child just wandering off without telling anyone, so here she comes following behind.

I turn to her and I tell her, “You know the older I get, the more I love Christmas. I actually think maybe it’s becoming my favorite holiday.” She looks at me like I told her I was dying. And maybe I was. She says, “What the fuck? Really? You always hated it.” She’s right. “I know but remember that traumatic childhood I had. I feel like I’m more and more removed from it that I can actually enjoy it and make it what I always wanted. How I always wanted it to be. I don’t know. I love decorating and buying gifts and making people happy. It makes me happy.” She walked away and I was like what did I say? I followed her and noticed she was crying. I started laughing cause it kind of didn’t make sense. Then I realized what happened, she’s known me basically my whole life, and she knows how hard those years were. She’s seen me at my worst. My lowest points. So I start laughing because I never know what to do when people cry. I tend to laugh, I mean when I cry I start to laugh. As often as I do it, it still seems foreign. Plus we’re shopping, like how embarrassing. She turns to me and says, “I am just really happy you’re finally mending all your gashes. You deserve good Christmases. You really do.” I walked away from her cause I was not about to cry in public.

After I came home, and finally had a moment to sit down and just linger on this thought, I realized what my gripe had been all along. It wasn’t so much that I hated Christmas. I think it was just so hard for me to be happy around people who had families and joyous celebrations. People who had Christmas traditions and sat around a dinner table laughing, meanwhile I was frozen at 7 trying to pry my biological father from choking my mom. Tugging at his jeans with the force of a child afraid he’d kill her. It was Christmas mornings where my mom had my brother open all his presents and I had to be content with one, which by the way, I never minded. It never was about opening more. I just felt like he was protected from everything and I was never afforded that kindness. It was hearing doors slamming while others got to listen to Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra. It was waking up and being met with anger while others woke up to a crackling fire, sat around a tree, and exchanged gifts. I so badly wanted these traditions. I wanted to drink hot chocolate, I wanted a house covered in decorations, I wanted Christmas music blaring from the speakers, I wanted someone to wake me up excited to see my face when I saw the Christmas presents under the tree. I never had that growing up so as an adult, whenever I would begin decorating a Christmas tree I’d just cry. I wish I’d had this with my mom growing up. Christmas morning, while everyone is blissfully drunk I would just stare at my phone, willing my mom to text me. Those texts never came. I think last year, for the first time, I stopped waiting for the text. And a few years back I decided my home would have be that of joy. Whoever came in would be met with Peggy Lee, and Bing Crosby, Nat King Cole, even Sinatra (he’s overrated in my opinion). They would feel all the love I had to give. I’d change the narrative. I think it’s really helped. I still get really sad. It’s hard not to when you think about the time you begged your mom for a pottery making kit and she laughed and said absolutely not, but whatever your brother desired he received. It’s hard to still wish for that pottery set under the Christmas tree, even at 30. It’s hard to listen to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” because I think a little part of me, will always wish I’d never been lost. A part of me will always feel like I’m missing something. The line “I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams” really captures how I feel. I’ll always ensure everyone around me feels loved, but I’ll always carry this longing. In my solitude I’ll always make sure I’m never the cause of someone’s pain. And in order to fight that hurt I am really glad I’m learning to take what I can get. To enjoy the season and to make others happy. That’s what makes me happy is seeing smiles in other people’s faces. For now, that’s enough.

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