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thelightofthingshopedfor · 3 years

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Goddamn it Kyra I wasn't even interested in the Lego Lokis before, but now that you've so rudely posted pics of the options I'm probably going to have to buy some. So, couple questions: I'm not familiar with the website you linked to (it doesn't help that I'm on my phone lol) - do you get them from that site or just Aliexpress? I've kind of poked around there but I don't think I've ever actually bought anything - do you have links to those ones you bought or any tips for finding them on the site? (or like. using the site in general without getting scammed or something? Idk much about it other than stuff being low priced lol).

😇😇😇

putting the rest behind a cut because oops this got long

OKAY SO the cool thing about knockoff Lego figures is that a) there are a ton of them, so you can probably find multiple versions of most characters, and b) they're super cheap, so if you do end up getting ripped off, you're probably only out a few bucks. plus if you don't get ripped off, you feel like a genius, because authentic Lego minifigs tend to cost way more than they should (and if you get them online, you probably don't have a good way to know that they're authentic) and here you are getting something just as good or better for way less.

the site I was getting pictures from is HeroBloks, which I only just discovered myself a couple days ago; it looks like mostly it's good for tracking your collection (and learning more about bootleg Lego minifigs in general, maybe--I didn't really realize until now how many different companies there are making Lego-like minifigs) rather than buying, with individual pages including sale links that are only mildly useful. like, the extremely sad TVA Loki has an AliExpress search link that apparently just searches for "blocks," which is the least helpful search term imaginable; the eBay link uses "xinh+xh1745+loki (tva)" as the search term and that's definitely better, although it doesn't actually turn up anything. maybe that one's too new to be widely available yet, I don't know. (I hope that's the case. I need him and his sad little face to come and live with me.)

anyway--eBay is a possible source. searching for "loki minifigure" gets me results for several of the new ones I’ve been seeing, and they all seem to be shipping from Japan or South Korea. the problem is they're all selling for $4.99 plus $7.49 shipping each, which is...more than I want to spend on something I know is a knockoff of some kind when I don't know anything about the quality control and I'm not guaranteed to get what's in the picture. (here's another listing asking $40 total for all 8 figures I bought yesterday, which is actually a better price, and I'd probably end up doing that if I hadn't found them elsewhere, but that's because I have a problem.)

this is why I like AliExpress, because the risks are slightly higher but the prices tend to be much lower, even with shipping prices having gone up a bit over the last couple years. as I understand it, the site is basically just a huge marketplace for tons of different sellers in Asia, like if eBay only allowed fixed-price listings and it was based in China. the vast majority of the site reads like it went through Google Translate, because it probably did. you can find...basically anything there. I have no idea if any of it's authentic. (I also don't know anything about how or where any of the knockoff stuff is made, so...there is that.) I would not, for instance, drop $300 on a Hot Toys Loki from here, even though I absolutely would have the option to do so, for the obvious reason that I'm not going to risk that much money on an item that might be a cheap knockoff or could arrive broken. there is, in general, a solid possibility of breakable things arriving broken, because decent packaging costs more. cheap shipping will be slow (by which I mean like...up to 90 days), and most purchases either won't have tracking at all or won't have accurate tracking, so this is absolutely not a place to buy anything you want to get quickly. you also don't want to just buy something and forget about it, because there are (variable but generous) time limits past which you can't get a refund if you don't receive your items. the site's UI is...mostly functional. you often have to get a little creative with your search terms to find what you want (and sometimes you won’t find what you want through searching, but through looking at related items on the pages of things that aren’t quite what you want or are what you want but aren’t a good price). you will, absolutely, come across a lot of stolen art on things like pins, t-shirts, stickers, and phone cases, which you might not realize until you see something you recognize from a fanartist you like, and obviously that sucks. listing photos are nearly always stock photos, so in many cases they won't tell you anything about the item you're actually getting. you know the Wish app, and all the crazy things people get from that? you can find all the same stuff on AliExpress, at similar levels of quality.

however, if you approach it keeping all that in mind, it can be a great resource. I can't make any guarantees about the site's safety, but to the best of my knowledge it's secure and I've never had any weird charges show up after buying something. it's also my understanding that Alibaba, the parent company, is more or less the Chinese equivalent of Amazon in terms of the amount of business it does, which would probably be pretty tough if customer data were routinely being exposed to thieves, you know? I've also successfully gotten several refunds for items that never arrived, which actually hasn't happened all that often--but knowing that it can happen and that the return period expires, I’ll check back on the site if it seems like it’s been an unusually long time and I’ll make a reminder for myself of the deadline so I can contact the seller in time if necessary.

so the way I shop there is, I don't buy expensive or fragile things in general, because I recognize there's a nonzero chance I'll get a cheap knockoff, or something that was broken in transit because the seller tossed it in a box with no padding and called it good, or sometimes nothing at all. but like eBay, the sellers and items have ratings and reviews from customers, so that helps avoid some risk. items with lots of reviews tend to include at least a few customer photos, which are great for getting a better idea of what the thing you're buying actually looks like. I took a bit of a risk last year buying a Hot Toys (or the equivalent, I actually have no idea) Steve Rogers head for about $20, for instance, but I wasn't super worried about it because the customer photos looked good, the seller I used had a lot of sales and a lot of good ratings, and it was still a lot less than I would've paid for an authentic Hot Toys Steve Rogers head--and in fact he got here just fine and he looked fantastic. I also spent about $20 for a knockoff Iron Studios Loki statue, because in that case it was like...yep I’d love the real thing, nope I’m not willing to spend hundreds of dollars on it, yep I am willing to spend $20 on something that doesn’t look quite as nice but still looks good enough for me in the customer photos. well, and I’ve also bought knockoffs I knew would look bad, because they were cheap and I want all the Lokis and I have enough of an addiction that all the Lokis does in fact sometimes mean “even ones that look really bad” to me.

anyway, uh, Lego-type minifigs. this is an especially good area to go knockoff, because--okay, apparently I can’t link to a page of HeroBloks search results for some reason, but it’s the best resource I’ve found for this type of thing that isn’t just authentic Lego figures. but if you go there and do a search for “loki” you’ll get a bunch of results and you’ll see that they come from like...9 or 10 different brands. Lego specifically has only four Loki options: Avengers Loki in black, Avengers Loki in gray for some reason (which, frankly, looks like a cheap knockoff but isn’t), movie-inaccurate Ragnarok Loki with the blue outfit and the full helmet, an ugly Classic Loki, and a mostly green Loki from I guess the first Thor movie (and then I think they’re going to release a TVA Loki, a Sylvie, and a Throg). all those other results--all those different outfits from every single Loki appearance, and different variations on those outfits, nearly all of them more screen-accurate and/or detailed than the Lego versions--are technically knockoffs. they’re better and you can buy them for way less. (I mean, a lot of them are new so I don’t have them yet, but I do have frost giant Loki, better Ragnarok Loki, better Avengers Loki, opera Loki who actually has another face that’s half-Jotun, and at least one chrome-helmet option, and they all look basically like the photos. so I think I can reasonably expect most of the new ones to look basically like their photos too.)

for reasons that I don’t understand aside from a vague guess that it’s copyright-related, AliExpress pretty much no longer shows full pictures of Lego-type figures in their listings--instead, you have to pick just based on the heads. this is a problem when lots of heads look very similar to each other! luckily, the listings also typically have the actual serial numbers for each figure, as do the HeroBloks listings, so you can cross-reference them to see what you’re really getting. for instance let’s take this listing because it’s cheap and it offers most of the Loki figures that are currently available. say you’re interested in one of the horn-less Lokis. there are...let’s see, five of them, but you have no idea what they actually look like aside from slightly different facial expressions and maybe weapons. however, the first one listed says XH1359 for its color...and what do you know, 1359 is the serial number for this Loki by a company called Xinh. okay cool, how about the last one? the “color” is listed as WM2182--and yes, HeroBloks has a listing for a Ragnarok Loki from World Minifigures with the serial number 2182. (I just ordered all 8 of the new World Minifigures ones yesterday, so again, I can’t personally guarantee yet that they’ll look as good in person as in the pictures--but I think they probably will, and more importantly they cost a whole dollar each.) and if HeroBloks doesn’t have a particular figure, you can probably find something useful just by googling the serial number.

I specifically bought from this listing yesterday because they currently have a bit of a sale going and a deal for free shipping if you buy 10 figures, and I wanted a couple duplicates, so it worked out to be the cheapest option. the same store has another listing for a bunch more Marvel characters, including a couple more Lokis I already had, so it should be pretty easy to get the free shipping so the figures are less than a dollar each and you’re only risking about $10. if you’d rather try one or two and see how it goes, it looks like this listing is probably the cheapest, with figures currently going for a little over a dollar each once you add shipping (although it’s totally possible shipping is more for me because Alaska).

that’s...probably already way more information than you really wanted, but I hope at least some of it makes sense. feel free to ask other specific questions if they come up--I might not be able to give answers exactly, but I can probably tell you what my experience has been, which is better than nothing.

#loki #action figures #lego #marvel cinematic universe #conversations #scintillatingshortgirl19

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cherry-valentine · 3 years

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So I recently read Killing Stalking over the course of two days. The first day was spent fleeing my home from flood waters and so I read the first half of the manwha on my phone in the parking lot of a grocery store. I was so absorbed in the story that I didn’t have time to worry about whether or not my house was washing away (it didn’t, and there was no damage, thanks for asking). I know I was pretty late to the party on this one, and it wasn’t because I wanted to avoid the series. To be honest it sounded like something I would love from the moment I heard about it, but at the time, I was busy and ended up forgetting it. I saw some pictures from it on Tumblr a few days back, was reminded, and decided to give it a shot. I have some feelings and random opinions on it that I felt like sharing. Most of these will include spoilers for the entire story, so be warned. Also: TW: ABUSE

But first, my non-spoilery plea to others who haven’t read it (and I guess the first thing I wanted to talk about): If you’re avoiding the series because you’ve heard that it glorifies or romanticizes abusive relationships, you can put that concern to rest. I honestly don’t know how anyone can walk away from the series with that take. The relationship portrayed in the series is nightmarish, and even the parts that aren’t so nightmarish are tense and very much realistic in the way abusive relationships actually work. Abusers aren’t abusive 100% of the time, and that’s what makes them so insidious. If they were terrible all the time, it would be much easier to hate them, leave them, and forget them. Instead, they are often kind, generous, and loving between incidents of abuse. This is to keep their victims emotionally attached to them. For many of these abusers, they may even feel actual love for their victims (a twisted, selfish love for sure, but I’ve always been of the belief that love can be a bad thing in certain situations). So even though there are moments in the series where the relationship seems to be going “well”, there’s always a sense of dread hanging over it, the feeling that at any moment, things are going to explode.

From here on out, there are !!MAJOR SPOILERS!! for the entire series.

A lot of people have identified the most sad or tragic or painful moments for them while reading, and those moments vary quite a bit between people. For me, the moment that gouged out my heart, the moment that was such a punch to the gut that I almost felt physical pain, was just a tiny thing. Toward the end, the first time Bum tries to go to the hospital Sangwoo is at, and the cab driver treats him like shit, Bum thinks “Why does everyone treat me like this?” And then we see flashbacks of moments when Sangwoo was kind to him. And... that right there. That got me. The fact that his abuser, the person who had treated him so cruelly, was also the only person who had treated him with actual kindness, broke my heart. The fact that he’d lived his whole life and experienced nothing but cruelty or indifference or betrayal. The only person who ever made him feel special, feel loved, was also the person who had tormented him. And it hurt so much to read, because I know that’s how many real life abuse victims feel. It was, in my opinion, the most tragic aspect of the series.

My last opinion might be a little controversial. Something I noticed when checking out the fandom for the series was how anyone who even hinted that they’d like for Sangwoo and Bum to be happy together was met with absolute hate and fury (slinging around lots of terrible insults like “failed abortion” and things I won’t repeat here - like yeah great idea explaining how abusive relationships are bad by being verbally abusive). Now, as a logical adult, I know it would be totally impossible for them to have a happy relationship (and indeed they didn’t). I didn’t even want them to be together. I just wanted them both to get a lot of therapy. The “headcanon” I came up with to make myself feel less depressed after the ending was that they both died and were then reborn into loving, nurturing environments where they grew up to be happy, well-adjusted people who would meet in college and have a healthy relationship. But I do understand the people who saw the less horrible moments and thought, “I wish they could just be happy together”. Because it did feel like these two thoroughly broken people had found a tiny, miniscule amount of happiness and love, even if it was clear it definitely would not last and definitely was not healthy. I get feeling that way.

And actually, the series plays a fairly clever trick on the reader. Just like real life abuse victims have trouble hating and leaving their abusers when those abusers are kind or show a more human side to them, Sangwoo became much harder to hate and dismiss once his traumatic childhood was revealed and he showed some kindness to Bum. It’s like the series was showing us exactly how abuse victims remain attached to their abusers, by making us stay attached to Sangwoo as a character. For the first half of the series I despised him, but the series tricked me into sympathizing with him and even feeling sorry for him and wishing he could be happy. And that. right. there. That’s how abusers get you. I thought it was a very smart way to portray this concept.

I also get that some BL fans DID romanticize and even fetishize the relationship. But, and hear me out please, I don’t think that’s a reason to totally dunk on those fans. Most of the fans who felt that way are probably fairly young, probably naive, probably exploring some dark fantasies for (perhaps) the first time in their lives. I think most people have something that introduced them to darker fantasies (rape fantasies, violent kinks, etc.). When you’re young, these are pretty thrilling to think about, and as long as you limit this exploration to works of fiction, it’s a safe way to dig into these fantasies. For most people, they grow out of them. The thrill wears off as they get older or they become mature enough to realize how horrible and scary those situations would be in real life. Some people keep those kinds of kinks all their lives, and as long as they limit it to fantasy and fiction, or consensual situations, that’s fine. But we need to understand that Killing Stalking, just by nature of having a very attractive character like Sangwoo, is going to be that piece of media that introduces a lot of younger people to those darker fantasies. And it’s not necessarily a terrible thing to let them safely explore those fantasies with this story. Because the story doesn’t encourage it. It doesn’t paint a rosey picture of this kind of relationship. It’s horrifying and ends in tragedy and trauma for everyone involved.

My “thing” that introduced me to darker fantasies was a movie called Boxing Helena, which I watched when I was most definitely too young. For those who haven’t seen it, it actually shares some themes with Killing Stalking (involving a sexy but psychotic man who had lots of issues relating to his mother and keeps a woman captive in his home, partly because she reminds him of his mother, and does horrible things to her - there’s even a scene where he brings another woman home and has sex with her while the captive woman is forced to watch through a cracked door. Sounds familiar, right?). It felt dark and dangerous and taboo, because it was also horrific. But it was exciting. Of course, I grew out of things like that, but it would have been absolutely no help to have a ton of people screaming at me that I was a sick pervert for finding the psycho guy hot (I mean it was Julian Sands in the 90’s, can you really blame me?).

If you come across younger fans who think Killing Stalking was sexy and say dumb things like, “I’d like to be in Sangwoo’s basement!” (actual comment I saw), don’t immediately harp on them and make them feel bad. They’re just exploring their own fantasies. It would be much more helpful to calmly and patiently talk to them and point out that it’s okay to like this stuff in fiction, but to be very careful about how they explore these feelings in reality. I’d be willing to bet that the vast majority of these people are just virginal teenagers who would never in a million years get involved in a dangerous relationship. So let’s cut them a little slack.

Note: When I refer to younger fans, I’m thinking 18-20 or so, and of course the younger teens who are going to read this whether we want them to or not. I am in no way suggesting that we should encourage younger people to read it. Just that, if you come across a younger person who has already read it, yelling insults at them over their naive opinions on it isn’t going to be helpful to anyone.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say about it for now. I just felt very strongly about it and felt like sharing.

#Killing Stalking #text #tw: abuse

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reachexceedinggrasp · 3 years

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So the majority of the shows I’ve seen lately can be charitably described as ‘light entertainment’, including the ones with dark elements or more weighty, ponderous plots. They might be entertaining or interesting, they just... don’t stand up to scrutiny. Turn your brain off because this isn’t that carefully or skilfully made and you’ll only be annoyed if you start thinking about it as a whole. Including the last couple 'tragic’ historical dramas I’ve watched, which were not effective tragedy for that very reason. If you’re going to kill off the main cast, you have to earn it, and overwhelmingly writers don’t. Anyway, I’ve been getting despondent about whether stories which actually hang together and form a coherent narrative unit with consistent themes are the exception rather than the rule.

(And I feel like that should be a pretty low standard to meet, it’s sort of Step 1 of ‘being a story’: be about something! Communicate something, no matter how basic it is. Dead simple stories with rock basic messages can be revelatory! Just do it well!)

I’ve seen very little genuinely focussed or meaningful storytelling in my ventures for what feels like a long time. Basically, I can kind of count on one hand the number of films or dramas or whathaveyou I’ve seen from the last few years where it felt like the filmmakers were in complete control of their story and everything in it was purposeful and intentional. Most things have felt slapdash or shallow or fleeting. Story elements and character choices come out of nowhere just to derail already concluded arcs and fill screen time with empty repetitious drama, not to serve a meaningful narrative purpose. I would be watching with zero confidence anything in particular was going anywhere or that the writers knew where that should be. It’s just throwing shit at the wall, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type writing all the time and it fucking shows.

But then I watched Money Flower.

Money Flower is different. Money Flower is towering head and shoulders above every modern drama I’ve ever seen. Titanically good writing which rises above its genre and makes conventions seem radically new and fresh not by reinventing them or deconstructing them, but by playing them straight, taking them seriously, and committing 1000%. This is all your familiar rich family tropes but with masterpiece execution, infused with consequence and meaning because they’re all driven by the psychology of complex three-dimensional characters. So many moving pieces and none of them are random or unmotivated. Just... GOOD WRITING. And I want to make the point that it is this wherein art lives. The difference between a rank Lifetime movie and Romeo and Juliet is not novelty or tropes or plot twists- it’s execution.

This show is such a perfect example that it is not ‘mere events’ (aka plot) or novelty or shock value or cool ideas which separates something brilliant and timeless from forgettable schlock; it is solely and entirely execution. It’s writing itself, if you know what I mean. You can describe many of Shakespeare’s tragedies and history plays as soap opera plots. What makes Macbeth a deathless masterwork and Death Wish Hollywood wank isn’t a fundamental difference in subject or genre. It’s Shakespeare’s characterisation and purposeful storytelling. It’s the poetry of the dialogue. It’s the craft of writing. Most of Shakespeare’s plots are based on existing stories or on historical events and that has never mattered because novelty is not an inherent good or of any inherent artistic value.

Like, this is the problem with storytelling right now blah blah GOT, shitty endings everywhere etc. because power over the audience (can’t let anyone guess the plot, looking ‘clever’ with meaningless callbacks) and novelty are valued over narrative structure or things making sense or emotional verisimilitude. We have so many writers thinking being ‘shocking’ is all it takes to be a genius. It’s easy to be shocking if your story makes no goddamn sense because things that don’t make sense are literally unpredictable. Not in a good way, though. A great twist or sudden swerve needs to be unexpected but inevitable in hindsight or it does not work. I should be able to rewatch your thing and think ‘oh, of course! you can see it was [x] all along!’

We have so many popular writers now who are so shallow they don’t think anything needs to make sense on a character or emotional level. They don’t think their story has to be about anything. Substance is irrelevant as long as the surface is flashy enough. That has no staying power, you can only watch it once and you will forget about it quickly.

However, if you have ever wanted to experience the constant heightened stakes and High Drama of a soap opera without being annoyed at how ridiculous it all is and while actually giving a shit about the characters because they feel like real human beings, if you’ve wanted to feel repercussions when characters make choices, and get the emotional payoff that is the entire point of drama- now you can. Watch Money Flower. And let me tell you, it is fucking riveting. This show is mostly made up of people sitting in rooms talking and yet it is heart-pounding excitement nearly every episode. It is profoundly traditional and by the book while being totally fresh. It’s the most engrossing and satisfying artistic experience I’ve had in a long time.

Like, THE TENSION, THE DRAMA, THE REVEALS!!! You can, in fact, spend most of 24+ hours on the edge of your seat about family problems and business mergers. It seems unlikely, but that is the power of this series, it creates insanely high stakes and mesmerising suspense out of the most commonplace ingredients. Familiar plot elements become brand new and surprising under the deftness and tightness of this narrative. The plot itself is certainly 100% melodrama but it never feels like a soap opera and is never ever soapy in in a pejorative sense because it handles its classic tropes with such maturity and nuance that it's like you've never seen them before. The writing is incredible.

It is on an entirely different level than the vast majority of dramas, with a total self-assurance that keeps the pacing relentless yet unhurried- taking its time to let the impact of events be felt, the narrative always knowing exactly where it’s going and how to get there. The characters are all multi-faceted and unpredictable without ever being incoherent, their motives and goals always being gradually uncovered in more detail that only makes the storytelling and characterisation even tighter, even richer. The twists and cliffhangers are always mind-blowing but always earned, never cheap or nonsensical, and I can't remember ever thinking that about another show. (There’s literally one exception towards the very end where something a bit random happens for reasons of pure symbolism- it’s a misstep imo but it’s minor in the scheme of things)

Every time I started to doubt the writing, started to think ‘oh no, they’re going off the rails’, they showed me I was wrong and they were in total control. The only 'problem' with the show is that the drama is also profoundly painful to watch unfold, particularly in the beginning, because it's a story where everyone makes terrible life choices and moral corruption is everywhere. It's hypnotic though, like a car crash. If you can handle something dark, insidious, cerebral, and character-driven there is nothing I've seen in the same vein that can approach its brilliance. It’s like The Magnificent Ambersons as a slick modern revenge drama. There is also (PRECIOUSLY!!) a core of stunning romanticism around which all the horrors revolve and that saves it from becoming hideous or cynical. There is a chance for redemption and a new beginning after all, in spite of all appearances.

The ending has apparently been controversial, and it is definitely not quite as climatic as you would have expected given how powerfully climatic almost every regular episode is, but it's a good ending. There isn't full closure, they don't provide final resolution in a bow, but to me it's an ending about hope. It suggests optimism for our characters and I was satisfied with that. It's extremely rare for a 'revenge story’ to allow this kind of room for healing and it can do that because, imo, we discover in the end that it wasn't ultimately vengeance in Pil Joo’s heart. He has not become a tragic hero who will be consumed by the cannibalistic darkness of revenge, his quest was for justice. He teeters on the edge of the abyss but he avoided falling in; he didn't sell his soul, at least not irrevocably.

He is nonetheless a very tragic figure and an anti-hero, but despite having dedicated his life to bringing down the Jang cabal, it’s not that he’ll stop at nothing. He will make any personal sacrifice no matter how desolate, he lives as a mere husk of a man, and he facilitates enormous emotional harm to others in service of his goals, but he has ethical hard lines he never considers crossing. His sense of decency and compassion is never extinguished; he does care about the collateral damage he is causing even when making justifications for it. It’s important to him to give people as much agency as possible in their choices, to mitigate the damage done by his schemes as much as he can. To try to prevent harm coming to undeserving bystanders. Not that this makes it okay that he uses people, which he does, but the point is he never completely surrenders his moral compass to avarice. He’s never okay with burning down the world or ruining innocent lives just to get to his target.

Pil Joo is less a vigilante and more an avenging angel, he wants justice more than retribution. He wants fairness and a better, safer world where what has happened to his family won’t happen again. The reason this story never becomes Sweeney Todd (aka: a full on tragedy where we see the inevitable outcome of lust for revenge) and the reason he can survive twenty years spent pursuing someone’s downfall is exactly that principle. Searching for retribution would have destroyed him, he would have become the very thing he hated, but instead he goes as far as necessary to publicly expose the Jangs for what they are and then willingly submits to penance for his complicity in their crimes and tries to atone with the people he hurt along the way. Purged, he’s symbolically reborn and takes back his real name to maybe finally have a chance at the life he should have had. He moves on, content, a positive force. He’s capable of healing from the ordeal because he realises he doesn’t need retaliation, just seeing them stopped and facing consequences for their actions is enough.

The love story is a superbly poignant part of this. Their love is the ‘victim’ of his revenge and it will forever be impacted by it, but it’s not something that can be killed, so there’s still hope. Mo Hyeon’s bookending rescues of Pil Joo from death mean first that he has a purpose he must fulfil and then the second time that he has freedom to finally live as himself, for himself. There’s a future. And maybe they can be together there. I’m emo about it.

Anyway, if there was the slightest doubt about me becoming a long-term Jang Hyuk fangirl, it’s been put to rest. This performance is easily one of the best I’ve ever seen, period. No contest it’s the best I’ve seen in a tv drama. It’s also the most subtle and masterful turn he's delivered in his whole career. He's so restrained, but he is giving absolutely everything; he has total control over every microexpression, every gesture, every molecule in his body. There is so much simmering under his surface, so much going on in his eyes; the layers and depths are endless. The intensity and sharp intellectual focus he brings to the character is breathtaking. Everyone else is doing amazing work too, but he is almost constantly on screen and has this spectacular command of such a sprawling story, such a complex character, and he makes it look effortless. All artifice has melted away. The fact that being so tightly contained is in stark contrast to the bombastic element in many of his other roles renders its delicate precision even more startlingly impressive. I thought he was a great actor before, but I didn’t fully appreciate what he was capable of until Pil Joo.

#money flower #kdrama #writing #jang hyuk #long post #I've written a bit before about revenge and how it will inevitably lead to tragedy #so I wouldn't without explanation even call MF a 'revenge drama' because it turns out it's a complicated yet beautiful 'hope' drama lmao #it's actually a 'romance' in the Shakespearean sense #like the Winter's Tale #I guess we just call that 'tragicomedy' now but I don't find that word very helpful or descriptive #I don't think anyone actually know what you mean when you say that #anyway the first writing that is every bit as good as the production/acting side I've seen in what feels like forever #I just feel like everything is great characters in a mess of a story or brilliant performances elevating a bad script or good start-bad end #like no one knows what they're doing any more or why #but this show is incredible #it's only not perfect because the last four episodes are not up to what you'd expect for the rest but they are still really good #just not perfect #the last episode has problems but they're not with the concept of the ending at all- the concept IS perfect #and apparently I'm the only one who thinks that lol #apparently a lot of people did not understand what was happening and some misread it as a dream sequence #(this is an insane take to me- it's really not confusing or ambiguous at all)#(bc God forbid the main character not die and have a chance to heal after his absolutely miserable life?)#but yeah it's the only time anything feels rushed or not quite smooth #and one major character's fate isn't as satisfying as it could be #but I felt like I was never going to see something as engrossing as this again for a while there #anyway anyway NEW OTP #I didn't even get into it because no one cares about my giant rant here but it's SO traditional while being VERY different idk #the romanticism was so unexpected in a show that seems like it's going to be intensely cynical- it's handled with such gravitas #romance with gravitas is PRICELESS to me #the best swerve ever is for a show to NOT be cynical when it seemed so dark- that's a plot twist I can get behind

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lokiondisneyplus · 4 years

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Over five popular seasons, the story lines of “Better Call Saul” have unfolded across nail salons, fried-chicken joints and other strip-mall staples of American life.

When new episodes begin premiering next year, though, the locations that give the “Breaking Bad” spinoff its texture could be reined in or done away with altogether. The culprit? The novel coronavirus, which is limiting where the New Mexico-set AMC show can film, potentially altering both its style and substance.

“Like a lot of other people, we’re going to have to be very creative in where and how we shoot,” said Mark Johnson, the veteran producer who oversees the Vince Gilligan hit, whose writers just began collaborating on the series’s sixth season. “A lot of places just won’t let you in.”

Across the entertainment industry, casts and crew are beginning to return to work after a five-month hiatus. In states with loosened restrictions, such as Georgia and New York, production is starting to crank up under tight controls that alter how sets operate. Instead of crew members freely mingling, they’re being divided into “pods" that limit how production departments such as wardrobe or lighting can associate. Covid-19 officers monitor the health of the cast and crew to determine who is allowed on set. “Zones” dictate where those cast and crew can go.

These changes might seem technical, but they hint at the far-reaching effects the virus will have on final screen products. Interviews with 12 executives, writers, agents and producers across the Hollywood spectrum suggest a dramatically transformed world of entertainment. Until a vaccine comes along, they say, covid-19 will change what Americans watch as dramatically as it has where they work, shop and learn. Forget the new normal — movies and TV are about to encounter the new austerity.

Crowd scenes are a no-go. Real-world locations will be limited. On-screen romance will be less common, sometimes restricted to actors who have off-screen relationships. And independent films — that tantalizing side dish in the U.S. entertainment meal — could be heavily scaled back.

“A lot of people believe this is just about getting back to work,” said Mark Gill, a producer and former head of Warner Independent Pictures, the studio unit responsible for independent hits such as “Slumdog Millionaire” and “Good Night, and Good Luck.” “They don’t realize the massive cultural impact we’re about to face.”

For most of its history, Hollywood created entertainment based on a simple premise: Shuttle in large numbers of people and move them around at will. That’s certainly true of crews. But it especially applies to extras, the low-paid day laborers who pack sets and off-camera holding areas in order to create dense crowd scenes — and, in turn, lend the work real-world atmosphere.

Such scenes have of course been part of some of the most memorable moments in Hollywood history. From “Ben-Hur” to “Braveheart,” on-screen entertainment has become indelible thanks to hundreds of people you’ve never heard of packing tiny spaces, then moving as one when the cameras roll.

Yet the virus has essentially made these hires impossible. Many don’t want to risk their health for a $100 paycheck and remote shot at background glory, and producers don’t want to take on the liability even if they did. “Braveheart" used about 1,600 extras, many from the Irish Army reserves. Experts say the movie couldn’t come close to being shot today.

“Those of us in the entertainment business are not used to being told ‘no’‚” said Lucas Foster, a longtime Hollywood producer who counts the 2005 romantic-action hit “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” and last year’s Oscar-decorated blockbuster “Ford v Ferrari” among his credits. “And when it comes to things like crowds, there’s going to be a lot of no.”

Foster understands the challenges personally — he’s one of the first producers to have made a movie in the age of covid-19.

In March, the Los Angeles resident was in Australia, several weeks into preproduction on a new version of “Children of the Corn” when the pandemic began to spread. Millions of dollars had already been committed to the movie, adapted from the same Stephen King story that yielded the 1984 cult hit. So rather than shut down, he decided to proceed — cautiously. Foster created a production bubble, consulted doctors regularly, procured large amounts of tests, and engaged in elaborate workarounds in realms like crowd scenes.

He said it worked, but with major accommodations.

“I had to figure out how to do a crowd with no more than a few people at the same time. And with very specific camera angles. And by taking actors who would normally be close together and making them not close together,” Foster said. “In the end, I’d get the scene I needed but it looked different than it would have before the pandemic.” (Computer-generated crowds, he and other producers say, only work for more distant shots; anything requiring close-ups needs the real thing.)

It helped, he noted, that many of his actors were children, who are believed less susceptible to the effects of the virus, and that much of the movie was shot in cornfields and other vast outdoor spaces, a luxury not all films have.

Producers say the added cost required to implement all the safeguards could also result in a lower-end finished product. Films and TV shows achieve their level of shine through an endless period of refinement, with actors and directors often attempt 10 or more takes of a scene. With everything now going longer — and thus costing more — they may not have the luxury.

One producer of multiple studio hits said he expects the number of takes to drop significantly as the virus balloons budgets. He also expected a diminution in night scenes, which tend to be more involved and expensive than day scenes. He said some productions will be able to make the switch, but not all will be as lucky.

Also unlucky, say Hollywood veterans: movies where characters seek to get lucky. Many insiders say romantic scenes will be a major challenge in movies. Two agents separately reported they had high-profile clients who told them they wouldn’t shoot love scenes during the pandemic.

“I think every agency right now is looking down their client list to see which actors have spouses who are also actors, because then we could try to get them cast, too,” said one of the agents, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized by their company to speak to the news media. “I’m joking. Sort of.”

The added wrinkle is even if the actors trust each other in real life, many of their characters would still have to take precautions on screen.

“How do you send two characters on a first dinner date when people aren’t really going on first dinner dates?” said a creator of romantic comedies who asked not to be identified because they did not want to be seen as criticizing colleagues who are attempting new projects. “You can send them on a socially distant walk, I guess.”

Writers say that leads to a broader dilemma: how much to incorporate the pandemic into their stories. On one hand, they say they don’t want to pretend the virus doesn’t exist. But acknowledging it poses its own challenges.

“Do you really want your stars wearing masks because that’s what characters would do? Do you want to have people engaging with each other in groups no larger than six? Do you want to write stories where everyone is at a safe distance?” said Mark Heyman, the co-writer of “Black Swan” and “The Skeleton Twins” and creator of the CBS All-Access historical drama “Strange Angel.” “Because a lot of those things won’t be very much fun to watch.”

Yet if creators aren’t willing to do that, he said, it could lead to those shows or movies getting shelved out of a fear that audiences will judge them inauthentic.

Heyman was working on a series set in a high school for Netflix when the lockdowns began. That project has now been put on pause. “It’s not easy to make a show about high school,” he said, “when there is no high school.”

To avoid reminding viewers of the pandemic, creators may take an approach that will lead to an unusual trend.

“I think over the next few years you’re going to see a lot more movies set in the past,” Foster said. “Even movies written for the present will be changed. They’ll make it the ’90s because then you don’t have to deal with these questions. And then you can just put in some cool ’90s music, so everybody wins.”

A few creators have gone the other way, leaning in to the pandemic.

Writers on Apple TV Plus’s “The Morning Show,” set at a news program, have torn up existing scripts to make the pandemic a part of the story line, according to a person familiar with the show who was not authorized to speak about it publicly. But with a lag time of months between shooting and airing, experts say that creators also risk looking out of date by the time episodes release to the public.

Sensing an opportunity, horror filmmakers have also tried to embrace current events.

“The horror genre is very suited to the pandemic and lockdowns — we’re always trying to create a feeling of being trapped anyway,” said the horror filmmaker Nathan Crooker.

When quarantines hit this spring, Crooker gathered nine noted horror filmmakers and had them shoot an anthology film — short fictional movies connected by the larger virus theme — and titled it “Isolation.” He required filmmakers to use only the materials and people they were in lockdown with, even prohibiting Zoom and other technologies.

“I think we’re going to get a very cool effect that mirrors what people are going through,” Crooker said of his work. “But I don’t know that every movie that gets made would want to look like that.”

One consequence of the virus could turn out to be the movies that don’t get made at all.

Some of the most beloved films of the past two decades, from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” to “Whiplash,” “Little Miss Sunshine” to “Fruitvale Station,” were independently financed. But before rolling cameras, independent productions require insurance policies to protect them from workplace lawsuits, along with completion bonds, in which a guarantor assures they will step in with funds to finish the movie if production is halted.

Experts say no company will cover covid-19 with either policy, effectively preventing production.

“Covid is an absolute disaster for the independent-film industry,” said Sky Moore, a partner in the corporate entertainment department of the Los Angeles law firm Greenberg Glusker who has spent several decades putting together film financing deals. “The lifeblood of independent-film financing is loans, and loans need insurance. Now you have this massive hole in the middle of all of it.”

Moore believes the toll will be vast.

“I think 50 percent of the independent industry goes away,” he said.

(Movies financed by large studios do not buy these policies; Netflix or Disney would just absorb a shutdown or lawsuit as the cost of doing business.)

Even if they can work around the insurance issues, many independent films won’t get made because they simply won’t have the money. “It’s already hard to get funding for a lot of these movies,” said Shaun MacGillivray, a producer who makes large-scale independent documentaries. “And now you’re telling investors the budget is going to be 30 percent higher?”

The independent-film world is trying to push ahead, slowly. The Sundance Film Festival, the epicenter of the indie-film business, where companies like Hulu and Netflix sometimes pay more than $10 million for an independently financed movie, will hold a partially physical, partially virtual edition in January, albeit at just about half the length.

“We are reminded daily of the power of what is made newly visible to us, the importance of what we look at,” Tabitha Jackson, the director of the festival, said in a letter to staff this summer explaining why the festival needed to go on. “My hope for this edition of the Sundance Film Festival is that through a multiplicity of perspectives held by artists and audiences in their various communities we will also come to feel the power of where we look from.” Left unspoken: What happens in 2022, when the well runs dry because new movies can’t be insured and produced?

Whatever entertainment can get made, experts say, will have a more hermetic look. Even television shows, once shot heavily on sets, now often rely on the authenticity of locations; a police procedural feels like it does because detectives are popping into pizza places and apartment buildings.

“We don’t want everything to be a chamber piece,” said Johnson, the “Better Call Saul” executive producer. “But if many shows look different, I think that’s okay, because the world looks different.”

Then, considering the challenge further, he added, “And if that doesn’t work, then at least our show has a lot of deserts and open roads.”

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crimeronan · 4 years

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ik youre not a therapist and i dont want like therapy or anything but im 17 and ive known i was bipolar for 3 years now and i dont know how im supposed to live the rest of my life like this. im so fucking tired. how do you stay alive

you sent this a couple days ago & i’m posting at a weird time so i’m not sure if you’ll see it but.

i’ve been looking at this message trying to decide how to respond

because i don’t know your situation, your symptoms, how you’re feeling, whether you’ve had positive or negative experiences with medication, psychiatrists, therapists, hospitals, all that related shit

the bipolar life advice i give to people is vastly different depending on the individual. it’s not a one size fits all thing. and there’s never even a guarantee that my advice will be the right choice

so since i don’t know about your situation or experiences or what you want, i’m not gonna tell you what to do. i’m gonna focus on the “how do you stay alive” question and try to pen down some personal feelings. and if they help then great, and if they don’t then... this is the most honest i can be

(you can always ask another question to get a better answer. my inbox is a coin slot and i am a vending machine of varied-degrees-of-helpfulness replies offered at varied-inconvenient-too-long-intervals)

how do i stay alive

it’s a 2-parter, actually. i pondered how to condense my thoughts/feelings, and it came down to these two things

1. love 2. spite

1. love

the spite is easier to write about than the love. love is hard to reach when i feel like shit.

spite is where i go when i want to die. love is where i go when i want to want to live.

maybe i don’t want to be alive. but maybe i wish i did. spite doesn’t help me much there. spite keeps me afloat, but it doesn’t make the floating pleasurable. there’s more to life than outlasting everything that ever hurt me. i need a reason to continue when there’s no enemy to fight

so. love

i almost wrote about the spite alone because that’s rawer, realer, more visceral. that’s the shit that CONNECTS when everything feels hopeless. but it would be a lie of omission. spite is only one of the major food groups, you’ll waste away from malnutrition if you eat it for every meal. or at least, i will.

“so you’ve got a bunch of people you love,” you say, “and you stick around for them. cry on them. support each other. like each other. fine.” you’ve heard this story before

nah.

i mean - yes. i have people i love. i live with two partners, i’ve got a third girlfriend, i’ve got a long-distance platonic life partner. i have a support net, i have a family i’ve forged, i have confidence that i’m not alone. i have, in a bare-bones checklist sort of way, fulfilled my physiological human need for connection

but i could live without every single one of them. i’m not dependent upon any of them for my survival. i’m not dependent upon them for love, given or received. (this isn’t a callous cruelty, it won’t hurt them if/when they read this. i’ve told them all this, they know. they’re glad of it.)

so. what the fuck does “love” mean, then?

the short explanation is that it’s my love of life, of things in the world. it’s all the little connections i’ve made. every time i love something, a hook tethers to the universe. hook enough tethers, and i no longer feel the need to float away. no dissolution of self today, sir

the rest of this section is some of the things i love. partially it’s to show how i connect to little things and ascribe magic to the mundane. partially it’s because i like thinking about things i love, i like typing them out, and i like that i could keep going for thousands and thousands of words.

i am laying in bed at 7:30 AM with the lights off and the shades drawn. blue light comes through the slats because it’s the better time of year, the one where i finally get vitamin D, the one where the birds chirp at 4AM, the one where the sky isn’t impenetrably black til 10PM.

there’s a weighted blanket tucked around my legs. my partner rafi bought it for us to share because it’s soothing and heavy and comforting and helps with my physical pain. right now it’s soft on my skin and if i get too emotional as i write, i can pull it over me like a cloak until i’m settled.

the apartment’s walls are blank because we’ve spent eight months intending to put art up and keep forgetting. but there’s a newly-unearthed dining area in the kitchen because i finally shifted around the unpacked boxes that were dominating the space. it’s new and it surprises me every time i walk out there. it’s open and inviting and bright and it’s a sign that we’re making this place home.

we’ll put a cheap IKEA table by the window and we’ll probably never eat family dinners there - why would we sit in hard chairs and make stiff conversation when we could all cuddle on the couch - but my partner dev will create a place to do their art and the surface will be constantly littered with drying watercolor experiments.

we’ll hang our art one of these days, too, when our collective adhd offers a miraculous combo of remembering + having time + having motivation + having inspiration. rafi has the most art because they’ve been collecting it for years. i have to start smaller. i’m not used to keeping physical objects. dev has a few pieces thrifted or bought at local artist events or painted themselves

so we’ll put art up in the living room, my single “you are magic” flower print alongside a naked monster lady that dev fell in love with when we browsed art at a yuletide event months ago, alongside rafi’s monster girls and comic characters and book characters and literature art and quotes and abstract pieces and whatever else they have hiding in boxes.

my head protests that naked monster ladies do not belong in the living room, although the picture isn’t overtly sexual. but then i remember that they do, actually, because it’s our space and we can do whatever we want with it as long as the lease isn’t broken. there isn’t anyone in the local social circles who’d be perturbed by the decor, as far as i know. i don’t have to hide anything from my parents because i live 3600 miles from them, and even though i miss my mom, the distance is good for me

there are two exquisite chairs on the porch. they fold and recline from thrones to nearly-horizontal beds. there are pillows and cupholders and trays and specific spaces for both a book and a phone. i can sit there while the morning sun rises and read or play word games or browse tumblr, cup of coffee beside me, trees shielding my eyes from stabby sunbeams

there are remnants of the last tenant’s garden in one corner of the yard. we’ve done fuckall for yardwork but plants struggle through anyway. some seem to have sprouted by accident. mushroom clusters populate the edges of the fence. the apartment squirrel (there are probably several, but i like to think it’s a single energetic creature) runs back and forth along the fence & i always lose my train of thought & then laugh my ASS off at the “SQUIRREL! XD” adhd moment. birds kick up leaf litter and play on the ground looking for insects to eat, they wiggle their tail feathers and flap their wings and sometimes they disappear and then return with friends

a little more than eleven months ago, i packed all of dev’s and my shit into a uhaul and drove and drove and drove to get to this city i’d never been in before to live with a partner i’d never cohabitated with. we were homeless for more than a month, we weathered some financial disasters, we met some great people and some shitty ones

on the drive i fell in love with the sky. i didn’t know how big it can get - actually, that’s a lie. i’d FORGOTTEN how big it can get. i’ve loved the sky thirty miles out to sea, no land in sight in any direction, just blue water and blue space above. i’ve loved the vastness and the yawning beneath me and the knowledge that everything is BIGGER than i can fathom. the depth of the sea doesn’t frighten me, it’s home. i don’t want to die, but if i had to, the ocean makes a soothing grave

in north dakota i discovered that i’ve been partially blind my whole life, which is a different tale that showed me i’ll never stop learning myself. in montana we struggled up thousands of feet of mountains with the car huffing and puffing at the trailer’s weight, and when we finally coasted downward, it felt like sudden freefall. we ended up in the pitch darkness of night on sheer winding interstates with midnight construction projects forcing detours. the mountains felt hungry, they had teeth. mountain cliffs are much scarier to me than the ocean depths

i bought a red bull and poured a little out the driver’s side door as an offering to hermes, because i’m not particularly religious but i’ll take help where i can get it. slammed that back in a few gulps and shook to bright-eyed alertness and ended up behind a slow-driving red pickup truck that guided us over about a hundred miles of mountain terrain

i thought, that’s just some construction worker driving between sites. the roads are empty at this time of night, but it’s an interstate. of course we’d end up behind someone. this isn’t divine intervention. this isn’t the benevolence of a god

i thought, but it can be a little magic. if i want it to be.

and it was. it stays with me.

god help me but i’ve been writing this stream of consciousness for more than 30 minutes and i’ve said nothing. i haven’t talked about the city, the parks, the people, the conversations, the books, the tv shows, the movies, the communities, the library, the animals, writing, reading, singing, acting, swimming, analyzing, creating, supporting, building. and i can keep going. i can come up with hundreds and hundreds of things i love and i can write paragraphs about all of them

so i’ll stop here. you get the picture. love is the life i’ve made for myself, the surroundings i’ve built, the quiet moments i can capture, the inspiration i pin, the magic i commit to memory.

i had to work so damn hard for every single bit of this.

i’ll be fucking damned if i let it go because my brain tried to trick me into thinking death is better.

2. spite

there are people who want me to die.

i don’t mean that i have a giant entourage of personalized enemies who curse my name and plan my individual demise. although there have been plenty of people who have not liked me much. probably some of them would enjoy my death. i don’t give a shit about that

there are people who want me dead because i am a dot on a grid they dislike. a faceless anonymous enemy who meets too many bad criteria with numbers and percentages and shrinking majorities and shifting public opinion

because i’m gay. because i’m bipolar. because i’m autistic. because i’m a dropout. because i grew up poor. because my spine curves and my shoulders ache. because i squandered my potential, because i didn’t have enough potential, because i didn’t love god enough, because i love the wrong gods, because i don’t worship, because i worship wrong, because i didn’t seek a husband, because i never wanted one, because i talk too much, because i can’t be controlled, because i chose to leave the fold when i realized it was suffocating me, because i’m ugly, because i’m gorgeous, because my body belongs to me

pick your poison.

this bothered me growing up, a lot. i knew i did not deserve to die. but if enough people tell you that you should, a little part of you will wonder if they’re right. that little part might become bigger the closer they get and the louder they shout and the longer they wear you down

we know the rough shape of this story, i don’t need to tell it. mine was messy and not triumphant and i survived more by chance than premeditation.

i’m older now. by and large i’m still young as shit - i’m 24 - but GOD i am LEAGUES away from 15, 16, 17. i know who i am. i know what i want. i know how to get it. and when i don’t know that, i find out. i tell the truth. i ask for what i want. i use my time how i want. i do what i want.

there are days that i can’t access the “love” side of the equation. no finding poetry in birdsong or sugared coffee for me, thank you, i feel like shit and the world is awful and everything is too big and fast and cruel and everything wants me to die and it wants everything i love to die, too. everyone i love. it’s all garbage. the good doesn’t touch me

trauma is difficult to describe. the difficulty is compounded by the fact that my trauma is influenced by my various neurodivergences, bipolar included. i never know if i’m feeling what other people do. i don’t know if i’m voicing unpalatable feelings others are afraid to express - or if i’m just othering myself, admitting i’m not as human as everyone else.

there is something malevolent and monstrous inside me. i don’t touch it all the time. but i don’t pretend it isn’t there. it sits in my chest and molders or radiates or oozes. it presses at my throat. it curdles in my stomach. it hurts what it touches, whether that’s me or someone i love or someone i hate. it sets things aflame with no regard for the precious or the fragile. it tears down walls and razes shelters and begs for apocalyptic rain.

i can give this thing names, clinical descriptors. i know what it is on a diagnostic chart, in a ponderous article, in an academic debate, in a fiction novel, in a war movie, in a memoir. there are a thousand ways to describe this thing. the descriptors aren’t important. what is important is this - i have learned that most people do not walk side-by-side with a tornado-hurricane-hellfire-weaponized-open-nuclear-reactor. this is not a “normal” expression of human emotion, this is not me trying to ascribe power to “bad bipolar feelings.” this thing lives in me and i know why it’s there and it is not designed to be held/silenced/muzzled/controlled by my body.

it does not help to pretend this thing does not exist. it does not help to try to reason it away or ignore it or tell it to stop. it wants what it wants, it does what it does. possibly if i was better at therapy or stubbornness then i wouldn’t resign myself to that

but it is fucking EXHAUSTING to try to fight something that’s part of me. to try to reshape it, rename it, pare it down, make it consumable for the masses. it’s a war i have never won and it’s a war that i will lose if i keep fighting it. i cannot fight with myself. i cannot beat my monster into submission. if we’re gonna battle like that, head to head, me trying to cut it down, me trying to be the hero, it rearing back like a fire-breathing dragon,

then it’s stronger. it’s always stronger.

so i surrender.

but that’s not where i stop.

can’t fight it. can’t kill it. can’t muzzle it. can’t reshape it, can’t disarm it, can’t contain it.

alright.

so what now.

if the surrender was a full giving-up, this is where i’d passively accept that i’m doomed to hurt and destroy everything precious to me. can’t fix it. will lose everything, will never experience or deserve happiness, will make the world worse simply by existing.

that sure does sound like impending-doom rhetoric. hop skip and a jump from some dire-ass conclusions.

so fuck that, i say.

here’s a better question.

if it has to get out, then what happens if i control where it goes?

here’s the thing.

the monster doesn’t care what it kills or destroys or hurts.

“have a conscience, care about things, remember love, stop yourself, don’t do this don’t do this don’t do this.”

losing battle. lost war.

it’s not the monster’s fault. the monster doesn’t have complex motivations or hates or fears. it exists to protect me through scorched earth. a remnant of a chemical imbalance, maladaptive coping mechanism, bipolar crazy, traumatized injury. it doesn’t know that its job is obsolete.

i can’t change the monster.

but my mind is a separate thing. my mind knows what matters, what my priorities are, what i find precious, what i want to protect. my mind remembers all the things the monster doesn’t.

my mind has learned things the monster can’t.

when i fight it head-on, the malevolence is stronger than me. but as i am, walking with it, sitting in my bed writing this while examining the void and the consciousness, describing it, quantifying it,

that’s when i’m stronger.

and with my mind as the stronger force, i can decide where the monster goes. what it touches. what it destroys. what it burns. where the ashes land.

i do not want to be a destructive person. i want to be someone who builds, repairs, changes. i want to make the world better for kids like me. i want to stop pouring more gasoline onto a fire that’s been burning since long before i was born. i want to believe - i do believe - that positive change is better than negative. i do my best to plant good things and enact that positive change instead of becoming a beacon of wrath.

but there are a lot of kids surrounded by people who want them to die, and not all of them have a protective monster.

so it’s good.

when i’m depressed, my mind loses its battles. my cognizance slips. i forget why i care. i forget what i want. i forget how happiness feels, how to find pleasure in quiet moments.

i don’t get depressed as often as i used to since my meds are adjusted correctly now. but it still happens. it will keep happening for the rest of my life.

my mind weakens and curls up and stops fighting, and the monster is always there.

it’s a very powerful thing when it wants to be.

it wants to survive.

the thing is, it knows there are people that want me/us/whatever dead. it’s been fighting them forever. die like they want? my mind says, sure, what does it matter.

the monster says, nah. our work isn’t done. and fuck them, anyway.

so we get up.

so that’s how i stay alive.

i typed this for 90 minutes and after editing i’d spent two hours on this post. i don’t know if anyone will read it all. i don’t know if it’ll mean anything. i don’t know if these thoughts even make sense, much less if i’ve conveyed the feelings i have.

i love being alive. and when i don’t, i love being a monster. it’s good. all of it is good. i’ve reconciled my uglier pieces. it’s not one or the other, love or spite. it’s symbiosis. i need both, i love both.

no guarantees that this is helpful, but based purely on my own life experience, these are my tips for survival:

you’ll have to find your own roots. i can’t give them to you.

but it’s possible to dig them in and spread them far enough that one uprooted peg doesn’t shift your whole equilibrium.

and when you’re tired, rest, and let yourself be tired, and find the reason why you’re staying in the world.

i’m positive there’s at least one.

figure out why you’re losing your battles and then change the game.

if you can’t win one setup, don’t try to beat the system. adjust your strategy.

you’ll be surprised by what you can love when you stop fighting the disparate pieces of you, and instead figure out how to use them.

#i have several other questions to answer in my inbox if you've asked me st over the past few weeks #im not ignoring it im figuring out how to phrase my reply #replies #bipolar blogging #actuallybipolar #my writing #life advice #long post #REALLY long post #it's under a read more but if mobile deletes it i apologize #c ptsd tag #suicide m #ok to reblog #Anonymous

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pellicano-sanguino · 4 years

Text

Finland’s most famous graveyard must be Hietaniemi Cemetery. Many famous people are buried there, including presidents. And a whole bunch of artists. They have a separate area for them, the “artist’s hill.” But one famous artist didn’t get to be buried there among other great painters, sculptors and writers.

Helene Schjerfbeck.

One of the most famous Finnish artists wasn’t buried in the artist’s hill. She did get a grave in another part of Hietaniemi Cemetery, though. And that grave? Until very recently, was left unattended, growing weeds. It was only because there’s a movie coming out about Schjerfbeck that someone pointed out the sorry state of her grave. Everyone excited about the movie was making great speeches how her art being so loved internationally brought Finns national pride, and someone wrote an angry comment in the newspaper, pointing that it’s disrespectful for politicians and art patrons to claim they love and appreciate her work while her grave grows nettles and we can’t be bothered to pay for the caring of her grave from public sources.

Some organisation took taking care of Schjerfbeck’s grave as their responsibility. But it was still very disturbing to me how a female artist was treated so differently, even in death.

The reason I’m writing this is because I went to see Portrait of a Lady on Fire recently. The movie left me an emotional wreck, it touched me on such a basic, almost subconscious level that I’m not sure I’m able to write anything coherent about my feelings. But I will try. Though I think this is a movie one must see for oneself, nothing I say about it will be able to describe the experience properly.

This post contains spoilers for the movie.

The movie is set in 1770 France. A time when female artists were forbidden from painting men, but allowed to paint portraits of women. The protagonist Marianne is one such exceptional lady who had a father open minded enough to allow her an artist’s career instead of choosing from the remaining three options.

The remaining options? Convent, marriage or suicide.

The plot revolves around a woman, Heloise, who chose convent, but has that choice forcibly taken away from her after her sister chose suicide over arranged marriage and the family now needs to go for plan B and sell their second daughter to some man she has never met. Her mother needs a portrait of her to use as a selling tool, showing it to the man she intends to make her marry. Heloise resists and refuses to pose for an artist. So her mother hires Marianne, who is to pretend to be someone hired for keeping Heloise company, but secretly she is painting her portrait.

I admit I don’t often enjoy watching movies. It’s just not my medium of choice. But then again, most of the movies I’ve seen are Hollywood stuff or pretentious artsy films, and both of those can be too much for someone as sensitive as I am. I can’t handle violence or unnecessary sex scenes. Also, the vast majority of movies are stories made by men, about men, for men. Even the women in movies are seen through the eyes of men.

But this movie is made by women, about women, for women.

The absence of man’s eyes is notable in small details. How there are no important male characters in this movie, men only show up in the very beginning and end and even then they are just background extras. The fact that we don’t get sex scenes (a male director could never resist doing that when handling a story about lesbians). The fact that both leading ladies look rather plain, ordinary women instead of your typical Hollywood barbie-dolls. The last time I saw a woman in a movie with unshaved armpits was back in highschool when during Swedish lesson we watched some Swedish flick that had a loudly feminist character who made a point of not shaving.

There’s a scene where a woman goes to an old lady to get an abortion done. If this scene was done by a man, if it had been filmed in Hollywood, they would have made her scream in pain and showed the blood and discharge and feasted on every gruesome detail of the procedure. But the scene is calm, peaceful and intimately respectful. We don’t need to see any details. Focusing on what’s going on between her legs is unnecessary, seeing her face trying to keep calm but breaking into silent, suffocated cries is enough.

Women suffer silently. We have all been taught to grin and bear it, the harder it hurts, the harder you must smile.

The movie isn’t gloomy and depressing. The unpleasant truths jab at your heart without you noticing. Because they let the story speak for itself. No one needs to point out the unfairness of women’s fate in a world ruled by men. The doomed romance between Marianne and Heloise speaks loud enough. Their knowledge that once the portrait is finished, it’s all over. Heloise’s family home is situated on an island with steep cliffs around its shores and surrounded by the restless, ice cold waters of the sea. It’s all very symbolic. There is no escape.

The story builds slowly, patiently. I shouldn’t constantly compare this to Hollywood movies, but in an American movie you could never have this few spoken lines and take this long before the romance buds. Marianne knows she only has few days to finish the portrait, but she and Heloise don’t rush anything and live like they had all the time in the world. They are powerless to do anything to the fate looming ahead and instead spend their last days together without worrying about it. But the viewer is constantly aware of what is going to happen in the end. The tension builds, invisible hands are placed on my throat and slowly tighten their grip. When the last scene begins, I feel so choked by catharsis that I have to breathe through parted lips. I was happy for the movie theater’s darkness, so that neither of my friends sitting beside me could see the tears flowing down my cheek. Women suffer silently, I have been taught to hide my tears and be ashamed if they are discovered.

My friends gave me a ride back home and we talked about the movie. Tigel mentioned that she’d probably have to search the net for fix-it-fics to help her deal with her feelings. I responded that I probably have to call my mother and thank her for letting me choose my own fate and loving me just as I am.

I had to make a phone call like that once before. It was when I was reading Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall. At first I didn’t even like the book, or the main character. But slowly I began to notice similarities between myself and Stephen. They felt so familiar, so much more personal than any of the things het characters in other books did or said. I became frighteningly aware that this book wasn’t just about one specific person, it was about my people. I knew that the story wouldn’t have a happy ending (with a name like Well of Loneliness, what do you expect?) but I couldn’t stop reading. I felt as if I had a responsibility to read on, that I owed it to my past fellow lesbians. Stephen was a fictional character, but she was made to speak for us, to speak for the unfairness of a homosexual’s fate in a world ruled by heteros. For the silent suffering of women who were rejected by society.

When I got to the part where Stephen’s mother tells her that she wished she had never been born, I had to stop. The pain became unbearable. I had to put the book away and call my mother, seeking relief from the invisible hands choking me. I don’t remember that call very well, because I was an emotional mess during it. I remember telling her over and over again that I don’t take for granted the fact that she loves me despite knowing I’m a lesbian. That I am painfully aware that many have not been as fortunate as me. Even today, even in modern, civilized countries like Finland, there are countless gays and lesbians who are rejected by their parents. When you’re homosexual, being loved by your parent isn’t a default, it’s a matter of luck. I have been so very, very lucky.

Both the Well of Loneliness and Portrait of a Lady on Fire have touched me by making me aware of the history of my people. While some parts of our history is celebrated (all the great artists and other historic figures who were one of us), there’s the heavy weight of knowledge about our oppression, how in order for lesbians to live happily ever after in the past they had to be sneaky and so very, very lucky. Not all lesbians were Anne Listers, whose family was ok with not pressuring her to marry. I feel pain thinking how many women there must have been who were forced to suffer just like Stephen, just like Heloise.

Another reason why our history lies heavy on my mind is because so much of it is lost, hidden, denied and shamed because of heteros. They burned Sappho’s poems. Fire also claimed the love letters men sent to Philippe, brother of Ludwig XIV. While gay men were sentenced openly, lesbianism wasn’t even spoken out loud, out of fear that women couldn’t commit such a sin if they were unaware of its existence. Oscar Wilde was sentenced to prison and died in France, his legacy to the art of writing unappreciated by his countrymen. How many of our graves grew nettles, because we were the dirty secret that everyone wanted to forget? How many of us had uncared graves because the only thing lesser than a woman is a woman who refuses to center her life around a man?

Now I’m going to voice an unpopular opinion that’s probably going to give me hatemail but I’m going to voice it anyway. I don’t like it when people posthumously push trans identity to people who did not identify as trans in life. There’s no way around it, I find it disrespectful. The reason I’m mentioning this is, that despite not liking it, I completely understand why they do it. Trans folks long for a history. They want their own Sapphos and Oscar Wildes. They want great historic characters to look up to and think “We have always been here and despite the world being against us, we could achieve great things.” The weight of lesbian and gay history can be a painful burden, but it will also give us comfort, knowing that people like us have always been and will always be there, that even when heteros made attempts to silence us or wipe us out of existence, we clung to the surviving parts of our history and treasured them. We will never know what the full poem behind the fragment “Someone will remember us/I say/even in another time” was like, but even so those words are precious to us. I do not blame trans folks for wishing for a history, even small fragments to reach through time and give them comfort.

In case I will receive hatemail for this, I will make an announcement. I have no obligation to react to any message, comment or reblog sent my way. This is my blog, my house, my personal space. I decide who is invited in and who is not. If someone tries to contact me and I see they want to debate, before even reading what they’ve written to me, I will check their blog. A quick glance will usually be enough to reveal if the person in question is capable of intelligent and mature conversation or if engaging in debate with them will just be playing chess with a pigeon (the pigeon will knock the pawns over, bite your nose, shit on the board and then fly to boast to its fellow pigeons how well it won you in a game of chess). If I deem you a pigeon chess player, you will be ignored. I have no time to waste on useless debate. All terfhunters will be ignored as well, I do not wish to interact with the likes of them. However, just like not all gender criticals are radical feminists, not all trans folks are terfhunters. I am willing to speak with people I disagree with, but I will be choosing who I wish to speak with and who I won’t. If I see that you can’t behave, you are not welcome here.

#portrait of a lady on fire #lesbian #feminism

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Top 8 Worst Christmas Episodes

Happy Holidays everybody! If your wondering where i’ve been.. i’ve been a combination of swamped with holiday activity, and just plain activity, and procastinating on getting content out for this blog.. but i’m kicking myself to actually get in gear. And I can’t think of a better reason than the holidays. I love this time of year, while it can be physically and financially exhausting, people can act like rabid wildebeasts in stores, and there’s no end of jackasses who refuse to accept that Christmas isn’t the only holiday in town and that it’s perfectly fine if people want to you know, celebrate something else. But beneath it all is heart: giving gifts to people you love out of the kindness of your heart, beautiful decorations put up with care and holiday warmth, people freezing their asses off for charity everywhere.. there’s a lot of good done and a lot of good underneath. And part of that good is Christmas Episodes. I do love me a good holiday episode and there’s been plenty of great Christmas epsidoes with a few Hannkuah and Kwanza ones thrown in. But for the mountain of presents of episodes, that we will get to, there’s also a small pile of cole that’s become sentient and stalks me every holiday season.. my meataphor may of gotten off track but the point is out of the VAST majority of good to decent holiday episdoeds there’s a handful I just.. flat out hate. ones that either miss the point, are unecessarily cruel and not nearly funny enough about it, or ones that are simply bad episodes of their show that happen to be christmasy. SO let us unwrap the pauly shore of christmas gifts, these are my 8 most hated christmas episodes.. and this is just episodes of ongoing shows, not specials (Though the episode being longer than usual is fine). Otherwise number one would be that time Chewy’s family killed time while his wife’s dad masturbated. As for why 8, my lists on this blog will vary based on need and I could only find 8 I TRULY loathed.. I didn’t want to pad the bottom of the list with mediocre episodes... only the cream of the crap and my christmas fury here. Now that’s out of the way, let’s ho ho go. P.S. No the brooklyn nine nine episode is not on the list, I just love tha timage and felt it fit.

8. The Finster Who Stole Christmas (All Grown Up) This is by far the tamest on the list. I don��t hate All Grown Up. It is a confused shows (with early middle schoolers acting like high schoolers and what not), but it’s just medicore at worst outside of a few episodes. This one though.. is just bleh. Chucky\ finds a tree on the street that’s perfect, wanting to have a memorable christmas for once. HE takes it home, thinking it’s abandoned, and it’s instead thought to be stolen and we spend a whole epsidoe watching a fucking 12 year old slowly be consumed by guilt.. I hate these kinds of plots. it’s one thing if the character genuinely fucked up or you mine some humor out of it, but it’s a nother when a character genuinely made a mistake and is instead internally tourtured. All the kid wanted was a tree.. he was kind of an idiot but the amount of vitrol over someone TAKING A TREE OFF THE STREET THA TWAS UNMARKED AND YOU DIDN’T TAKE INSIDE. is baffling.

7. Merry Christmas Mordecai (Regular Show) I do like Regular Show. While i’ve latched on to other shows far more, I still enjoyed the show and was a huge fan of it for some time.. this is the episode that killed that. The reason it’s lower is as an episode, it’s only the last two minutes or so that’s truly terrible, but GOD I hate this episode with every fiber of my being.. .the arc would get MUCH worse, but this did kick it off and turn me off the show for some time, though I did come back by the final season so there’s that. The plot is simple: Mordecai is nervous because his ex Margret will be at the same party he’ll be with his new girlfriend CJ. Things go fine, it’s awkard but whatever.. and then he has a flashback.. and KISSES HIS EX , PASSOINATLEY AS SEEN ABOVE, in FRONT of his new girlfriend. The hero of our show, who was kinda shitty early on but that was ironed out by this point, cheated... and ruined a relationship I happened to really like. The problems of this arc are deep, vast and will require their own article some day, but yeah.. this one scene ruins the episode and set off one of the worst romantic plot tumors i’ve seen in a show and is so nonesnical , yes I get getting swept up in old emotions but you still cheated dum dum, I can’t help but put the whole episode here. It’s like a tootsie pop but the center is somehow full of bees: sure you enjoyed it but the amount of beestings in your mouth will make you hate the experince anyway. That said I will leave this clusterfuck on this blessed image because fuck if it can take it away from me.

Thank god they didn’t ruin these two for me.

6. Doug’s Christmas Story (Doug (Nickleodeon Run)

Only 90′s kids will rue the day this episode was born. Doug was mostly a bland and forgetable show.. but this episode is just unspeakably depressing. The premise is Doug’s dog, porkchop, saves local rich kid Bebe from thin ice, she thought he bit him.. and doug’s dog gets put on trial and SENTENCED TO DEATH AT THE POUND. Despite the fact the thin ice sign is clearly there, and this is a GROSS over reaction to a leg injury that wasn’t even caused by the biting. Porkchop knocked her down he didn’t tear off her leg or something.. the ep is lower because it IS well voice acted, but good acting only makes it that much more heartwrenching and makes me question WHY THIS for the christmas story. It’s not a TERRIBLE idea for a story, but for an episode your going to play every year ,epseically for a young network such as nick who only had three shows to start and thus would need this in rotation for some time, WHY would anyone think “Dog gets sentenced to murder for doing something good” , even if it turns around in the ending, is something people would want to SEE every year. Just a poorly written tear jerker that , while thankfully far away from my own nieces where it can’t scar them for life, will likely never leave my memory.

5. Stump Day (Star vs the Forces of Evil) Oh god this one.. while the top 4 are far worse, this one is still ungodly aggravating. It DOES have a good joke at the begining. Kid: Uncle River can you tell us the story of stump day? River: (Jovially) Ha ha ha, you don’t tell me what to do! (Tells story anyway) But after that... ti’s the story of Marco throwing Star a birthday party on Stump Day, Mewni’s christmas. As someone who has a birthday near a holiday, if not on one, I do sympathize. All your present days and celebration are crammed into one tight period. Marco means well and gathers all her friends, and her boyfriend tom.. and star flips out not wanting to piss off the stump. So far no bad... Marco meant well but didn’t know how much she cared, Even though Tom warned him I do get star being unpredictable and thus taking the shot anyway.. then he INSISITS on having the party anyway, and has the fucking BALLS to call tom a bad boyfriend when tom eventually calls him out on wanting to keep it going. Especially since Marco COULD’VE just made it into a holiday party to make her happy without sending everyone home. But no he had to be a selfish, entitled dick weed. While tom DOES lunge at marco after Marco calls him a bad boyfriend, Marco again went FAR out of linea nd insulted his own friend because he’s jealous Tom’s with star, and he’s not. ANd then a stump attacks... and then TOM’S forced to apologize. For attacking marco, yeaht hat’s fair but for being a bad boyfriend? No... Marco was the dick and he basically wins anyway despite agian, a simple solution being right there. Let’s move on.

4. Road to the North Pole (Family Guy) Oh boy this one.. this was at the tale end of my watching Family Guy, before “Quagmire’s Dad” out and out pissed me off enough to finally leave, being you know a transphobic mess i’ll defintley talk about in the future, but this was close: An uncomfortable, unfunny christmas special that starts with Quagmire being overly hostile to Brian for a mistake he couldn’t have possibly known about and continues into a trip to the North Pole where the elves have become deformed due to industralization and Santa is deathly ill and Stewie and Brian have to convince people to ask for less to save him. The IDEA here is not bad, and after this and the doug entries I want to make something clear: dark, twisted, messed up... these are not bad things for a christmas special to be. Futrama’s two christmas episodes , and to a lesser extent it’s one holdiay episode, are really funny and this trinity’s going to war from the movie is a holiday staple to me.

youtube

See that’s some good all inclusive holiday hilarity that’s patently messed up.. and a emotinal holiday story with some dark themes? also works... King of the HIll had a whole episode where bill was sucidial before taking on the persona of his ex wife that was damn good, having some humor while still having a fairly depressing story with a solid emotional core. You CAN be dark , subversive.. but you have to have a point. Doug was bad because it leaned too far into the misery and that’s what ultimatley hobbles this episode too. You have to have SOMETHING to make people invested besides holding a gun to their dog’s head or KILLING SANTA. This ep has a godo concept, santa having to industralize to keep up and slowly growing exausted or sick from it.. it’s not bad at all.. but the ep takes it too far and dosen’t have enough emotion to it to brign us back from the brink. It’s especially galling since family guy had DONE a christmas episode in it’s earlier, better seasons, that was far better than this, so while I don’t fault them for wanting to do a second one I DO fault them for doing it so poorly and wasting a potetinally tearjerking and well done concept on a crappy meanspirited wasted hour of my life.. because oh yes, this was an hourlong special. Ho ho hum.

3. Miracle on Evergreen Terrace (The Simpsons) This one MEANS well but just ends up misrable. The premise isnt’ TERRIBLE: Bart burns down the christmas decorations, fakes a robbery and then feels really guilty as the family is helped by those around them. The issue is when Bart is found out, while his family is furious the town ALL shuns the simpsons with pure hatred, and later robs their house and leaves them with nothing. It’s not an episode i have TONS to say on like those above and bellow, it’s just miserable... and like I ranted about before black comedy can work but this took it too far: most of the simpsons did nothing wrong and bart was throughly punished with his heavy amount of guilt. The show already did “Bart feel sbad after doing something awful at christmas time” FAR BETTER in “Marge not be proud” which, while one I don’t really watch because it is hard to watch at times, is still excellent and Is hard to watch for the RIGHT reasons instead of just being mean spirited. Now from mean spirited to .. I dont’ even know with this one.

2.. Mrs. Wakefield (King of the HIll) What a shock, ANOTHER show I really like that had a terrible episode. No really most of these shows I liked at some point. That includes the top 2, King of the Hill, especially towards the end, had some really bad ones, and a really REALLY weird one that played out like a psyological horror film and ended with a mentally damaged man turned into sausage, yes really, and this one is no exception. Mrs. Wakefield is the story of an old woman who grew up in the hills house.. and wants to die there... just stay until she dies. I get being lonely during the holidays, which is the given reason why she’s really doing this she’s cripplilngly alone: being alone sucks. I know this, I understand this.. but it still dosen’t mean you can die in someone’s house. That’s a traumatlizing pile of stuff your foisting on people you barely know and Hank keeps getting vialnized for throwing her out by the neighbors.. for NOT WANTING SOMEONE TO DIE IN HIS HOUSE. And later it gets to the point where she’s playing hider in the house and hiding in there trying to die.. what COULD be kinda funny in a twisted way just ends up being creepy. And again this episode had what was essentially a horror story about Luann marrying an older man who slowly moldeed her into the mascot for his company, chased her and peggy around in a pig mask, then got cured of his psychosis just in time to end up as sausage. And yes that was a real thing that happened. They probably shouldn’t do horror but they can do it but here it’s just dumb. Also for those curious while I haven’t seen it hider in the house is a film i’ve heard of about a man who lives in the walls of a house and stalks the suburban family that moves in to no one’s shock, it stars gary busey. I would also not be suprised if that was his life right now. But busey aside, this episode is terrible and like family guy after it and simpsons before it, King of The Hil lhad several stellar holiday episodes and as I mentioned made suicide and devloping a split personality into comedy while still keeping the drama so this.. this is inexcusable. Speaking of inexusable

1. A Robot for All Seasons (My Life as a Teenage Robot) Oh my aching head this one.... yeah this one somehow COMBINES problems from above with it’s own bundle. It has the tonal issues most of these have, being far too bleak without any real effort to back it up.. but it also makes the ENTIRE CAST into dickheads Minus our hero and her semi-stalker Sheldon. The basic premise is Jenny, our teenage robot, gets kidnapped and taken over by a miserable boy who has her ruin christmas and every other holiday and then wake up with no memory of her being BRAINSWAHSED into it. The IDEA isn’t bad... it’s a dark cirumstnace but it’s a good premise for a half hour special and would have her on the run with her friends trying to help her after beliving she couldn’t do it right? Well... as I said, ENTIRE CAST: Brad, Tuck, HER OWN FUCKING MOTHER all apparently belivie jenny just snapped and did this all on her own, despite you know mountains of super villians. No one came looking for her, no one thought she was acting weird, no one cared. her mother is outright working on the next model.. it’d be okay if they were supsicious or if they wondered why or if ANY OF THEM besides sheldon had looked for her or done anything or if the bad guy had had her act like this was her idea.. but no she just acts massively out of character by ruining lives for a full year, and no one is suspcious and by the end all is forgiven for both the antagnoist and the assholes, even though the assholes all abandoned their best friend/daughter instead of trying to figure out what’s wrong and the angagonist, kid or no kid STOLE A YEAR OF JENNY’S LIFE AND NEARLY RUINED THE REST OF IT. And I know she’s a robot, she is immortal etc.. but she wants to be normal. she lost a year of high school, a year of friends and nearly lost everything.. and yet is just supposed to FORGET that? or that again everyone around her minus her stalker gave up on her? Fuck that, fuck this and... have a happy holidays. The holidays are more than this pile of garbage and I will be back sometime before the 25th to celebrate the best rather than the worst, to spread joy rather than headaches.. but I do hope if you had to endure any of these that this helped you like it helped me. Have a wonderful holiday time and i’ll see you soon.

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tymime · 4 years

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I generally consider Gen IV the last good generation of the Pokémon franchise, but really only up to a certain point. I’ve played a bit of Platinum, and it’s... okay. Doesn’t inspire me with wonder like Gens I and II do. And I pretty much gave up entirely on the anime after the Battle Frontier arc.

And looking at the Pokémon introduced then, I really only like Bidoof/Bibarel, Buizel/Floatzel and Riolu/Lucario. Buneary/Lopunny is pretty good, and Gible etc. is okay, but almost all of the rest of them I can’t stand their designs at all.

Of course, I really like HeartGold and SoulSilver, but I guess I’m biased.

Back when I was growing up, the anime was the most important to me, and it still is. I hardly ever played the TCG, as I was more of a collector, and I didn’t even play the games that much because I was so bad at it (although I did complete Silver). I remember that when it came to Pokémon, the online fandom in the early 2000s was mostly concerned with the anime as well, whereas you mostly heard about the glitches and rumors in the games and schools banning the cards. The main reason I preferred the anime was because of the characters. Ash, Brock, and Misty made a great trio, and Jesse, James, and Meowth are among the greatest sympathetic villain characters of all time, imo. Nowadays you hardly ever hear anybody discuss the anime.

But ultimately the reason anybody becomes a fan of Pokémon is because of the cool monsters. I think sometimes fans forget this, incredibly- too much focus is given to gameplay mechanics and metagaming and competitive gaming, which I really couldn’t care less about. I remember one of my first interactions with a Pokémon fan, way back in 1999 or so, was when somebody asked what my favorite Pokémon was. I told him it was Charmander. And why not? He’s a cute, fire-breathing dragon-lizard thing! His reaction was “But Charmander is weak!”, and all I could do was stare at him incredulously. I didn’t care if he was “weak”, which is an exaggeration anyway. Must I quote Karen?

That’s actually the entire point of Pokémon. Lots of PETA-types didn’t understand this: We’re not forcing them to fight as slaves, we’re making friends with all these creatures. The early episodes of the anime especially emphasized this, culminating in the movie Mewtwo Strikes Back, and it’s message of peace, sacrifice, and love still makes me misty-eyed to this day.

The anime started going downhill as soon as Ash left Kanto for the Orange Islands. We all remember how incredibly dull and pointless Tracy was, and how repetitive and formulaic the Johto episodes were. This was despite how amazingly good the G/S/C games were. It was around this time that the fandom was diminishing, and people who weren’t all that in love with it in the first place started sneering at it and saying it was “for little kids” and “uncool”. I remember Digimon fans were especially obnoxious about it. Here’s the thing: It might sound a bit shallow, but I don’t think I would’ve become interested in Pokémon if the monsters didn’t look cute or cool. I’m very keenly aware of what kind of character designs I like, and if I don’t like the way a cartoon looks, there’s absolutely no way I can get into it. Lots of people are gonna hate me for this, but I find the vast majority of Digimon to be downright butt-ugly. They’re mostly wrinkled and lumpy and look as though they’re made up of leftover puppet parts. There’s a tiny amount of them that I actually think look decent, but not nearly enough to make me want to watch the show.

But that ties into what happened next- when the Gen III games were coming out, I was looking forward to it, but I was disappointed in how unappealing some of the Pokémon designs were, especially the legendaries. I thought they looked more like Digimon. I don’t see anybody else who has this view. Sure, occasionally I see someone complain “They don’t look like Pokémon anymore!” but they’re always shot down with the rationalization “Who says what Pokémon look like is set in stone?” It’s not a good idea to slowly drift the art direction of an ongoing franchise with an established look and continuity. It’s what makes for a TV series suffer from Early Installment Weirdness and Seasonal Rot, among other things. Things like Mickey Mouse and Looney Tunes can get away with this because they don’t have an established canon, but a series like Pokémon shouldn’t start looking weirder and weirder. I remember having high hopes for the Hoenn episodes of the anime, hoping that the fresher, more sophisticated animation would bring the series out of its doldrums and return to the more heartwarming, personality-driven stories of it’s golden age. For a while it seemed like this would be the case- Ash seemed wiser and more experienced at first and the Pokémon were showing more personality. But it slowly but surely entered a long string of indistinguishable contests for May to compete in. Another thing I wish there was more of in the anime is the Pokémon themselves having more personality. Too often they’re just used as battling tools and have few chances to show emotion or interact with the other characters. The Hoenn episodes also made one thing clear: Ash was going to replace his battling team pretty much every region from now on.

This trend flies in the face of the early franchise’s message of friendship. Ash’s Pokémon from yesteryear are hardly ever seen again once they get sent to Prof. Oak or to some other place.

I suspect this new attitude towards the Pokémon is why they’re becoming uglier and uglier. It doesn’t matter what they look like, you just want to train something NEW, right? Something with good stats and EVs?

I've never seen anybody who shares my view about the Pokémon designs from Gen IV and onward. There was a brief period when older fans were saying the new Pokémon were dumb ideas- ice cream cones and garbage bags and key rings aren’t my idea of a cool concept. But then came the whole “Genwunner” backlash. “But Gen I has inanimate objects too! Dont’cha think Voltorb and Grimer are dumb??” people would say. My answer is this: A living Pokéball and a pile of toxic sludge are cooler than keys and garbage. And just because Gen I had a dumb idea like a bunch of eggs doesn’t mean you should repeat it. And of course there’s an excess of foxes, cats, bats, small electric rodents, and cutesy legendaries that look vaguely like Mew. When the Pokémon aren’t stupid or ugly, they’re redundant. And now it seems like older fans are almost entirely silent about their opinions.

I don’t understand why this isn’t a more common opinion. A Pokémon’s visual appeal is absolutely crucial and yet they still continue to look inorganic, cluttered, and awkward looking with every new generation. There’s only a handful of recent Pokémon that ever get fanart, and 100% of the time the fanart is better drawn than the official version.

This seemingly coincided with the American dubbers having the brilliant idea of replacing the entire voice cast of the anime to “celebrate” the tenth anniversary. It was difficult watching the anime after that, and I only stuck around because they were revisiting Kanto. After that, I stopped watching it entirely. It got worse, of course- Ash was redesigned and looked almost entirely different. The eyes are the windows to the soul- if you ask me, by changing Ash’s windows, they changed his soul.

The Pokémon franchise was dead to me by then. As far as I’m concerned the whole series is a shambling zombie, a shell of its former self. And with the anime using retconning flashbacks and remaking the first episode and Mewtwo Strikes Back, the anime has split into two different continuities anyhow. And yet people still try to defend it, even older fans, which boggles my mind.

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misterewrites · 5 years

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Jack’s Annoyingly Insightful Mall Trip

Hello everyone, Mr.E here with a fun little story. Working hard to get back into to writing and today I am happy to bring you a little nova story! YAY! been forever. So I have to make this quick because it’s late but basically my good friend deth @marionette-j2x asked me for a little oneshot story and here it is.

So basically a kinda noncanon story that is set a few months after the last major story arc of Nova vs. Jack is searching for a new bowtie in the one place he hates the most: the mall. During his search, he runs into a familiar blue haired maid and makes a deal in exchange to save his beloved accessory.

That’s it for me for now. I am a bit rusty but I hope you enjoy the story. Also slight nova spoilers. Jelina everyone’s favorite blue haired maid belongs to my good friend deth @marionette-j2x and Jack is mine. Have an amazing week and I’ll see you all soon!

Jack mumbled unhappily to himself as he wandered the Echo Creek Mall alone, the handful of people scattered about really highlighting the vast emptiness of the building.

Normally Jack wouldn’t have come at all on a Monday but with his mother currently overseas and the need for a new bowtie imminent, he had no choice to but brave the sea of similar stores trying to sell him the same thing.

He had been hoping his two best friends would have been able to join him on this trip but naturally the two were quick to play their excuses: Nova was supposedly forced to go to Mewni with her mother and Connor claimed that he was currently trying to prevent roombas from escaping into the outside world.

Jack scoffed in disbelief “They’re vacuum cleaners. Of course they don’t have any natural predators”

Jack stopped mid-step once he remembered what exactly Connor’s parents did for a living.

“Oh that’s actually terrifying.”

He shook his head, trying to clear the thought away as he resumed his search.

His eyes lazily glanced from storefront to storefront, each increasingly less appealing than the last.

A sigh escaped his lips as Jack rubbed the now empty space where his beloved bowtie once was. He felt so off without his signature accessory but nothing could be done about it. It was torn and Jack’s years of ignoring his mother trying to teach him how to maintain and fix various fabrics had gotten back at the magician at least.

Not that he would ever admit that.

Jack scratched his cheek mindlessly, trying his best to stay focus on the task but between the fact that he didn’t really want to be here especially alone and that none of the bowties he had seen so far really spoke to him, he really just wanted to go home and risk heading to the monthly magician’s meeting tie less.

“Ugggggggggggggh” Jack whined “Whyyyyyy is this so annoyingly hard? Why can’t it be like those cartoons where the character wanders around for like a second and then the perfect bowtie is just there, gleaming brightly within some unrealistic angelic glow, beckoning them to buy them. Probably at an insanely high price for comedic effect.” Jack gave a playful shrug “Thank Hades I’m rich annnnnd I’m talking to myself. Yeah, time to go.”

He pivoted on his feet, turning towards entrance when he was blinded by a harsh light. He covered his eyes, hissing furiously.

“Whoops” a voice called out “Sorry about that. Let me just put the cover back on annnnnd...”

The lights dimmed as Jack rubbed his eyes. He squinted carefully at the man putting the plastic covering back onto the overhead lights.

“Sorry kid!” The janitor apologized while he climbed down the ladder “I forget how bright these bulbs are.”

Jack groaned, absolutely done with this entire trip when he spotted a familiar person.

His eyes narrowed, unable to keep the glare out of his gaze as she came strolling into the mall.

Jack ducked behind a nearby trash can, squatting low to make sure Jelina didn’t see him.

His mind raced with suspicious thoughts: Though Star and the council had cleared Kim and his maids several months ago citing some sort of mind control played a part in Nova’s abduction, Jack was naturally less inclined to trust them. Especially with the whole shooting a rocket at him and his favorite human.

Might’ve made it a bit personal to him.

Just a little.

If Jack didn’t know better (Which, luckily, he did) he would’ve guessed she was a simple, slightly robotic looking human just exploring the mall. She was dressed far more casually than the last time the two meet: A blue blouse with black undershirt, dark blue demi jeans and flipflops though she still kept her hair up in her buns with her two headphone..antennas? Were they antennas or…

“Focus Jack!” the magician scolded himself.

He expected Kim and her sisters to come walking in after her but aside from checking her comically large purse for a moment and quizzically staring at her surroundings, no one came and Jelina tentatively began walking towards the center of the mall.

Jack rose to full height, still openly glaring. She had to be up to something! She was a demon lord’s maid and Jack knew first hand the only reason demons come to Earth was because they’re bored. He should know that’s why he lived here.

“Hey kid.” The janitor asked with a hint of concern “Are...are you okay? You’re still squinting. I-I can get you some eye drops if you need them.”

“I’m fine” Jack growled

“…..okay.”

Jack bolted, quickly closing the gap between him and Jelina. He was going to find out what evil deed she was up to, no matter how long it took!

10 minutes later

“Ugggggggggggggh” Jack whined, trying his best to prevent boredom from overtaking his resolve as he hid against a wall.

Jelina was a very uninteresting subject to follow. So far she wandered aimlessly, taking a second to look at a store or vendor booth before timidly shuffling to another location. Once or twice she would take a step forward towards entering a place before changing her mind and altering course. The only thing that seemed to really catch her attention were some stuff animals at a toy store but even that wasn’t enough to lure her within. Jack was starting to suspect she knew someone was tailing her and was trying to bore them into leaving. That was the only explanation he could think of about her strange actions though he was fairly certain she wasn’t aware of who was on her trail.

“Hello Mr. Ordonia”

Jack jumped back startled, wincing in pain when the back of his skull slammed into the wall behind him.

“Oww! Son of...” He grimaced.

Jelina’s face was indifferent though Jack could see the subtle crook of a smile.

“I am sorry if I startled you” She spoke neutrally “It was not my intention.”

“Sure” Jack replied sarcastically “How did you even know I was here?”

Jelina gestured to her headphones “I heard you talking to yourself about me. I suspect you assume I am for some sinister purpose. I can assure you I am simply a tourist today.”

“A tourist? To Earth?” Jack rose an eyebrow “No demon is that bored!”

“Good thing I am a cyborg.” Jelina answered. Jack could hear the sass behind those words.

“Let’s say I believe you.” Jack began.

“You clearly don’t.”

Jack ignored her “Why the mall? This place isn’t even exciting during peak hours. Pretty strange place to pick on your day off. If it is your day off!”

Jack gave an accusatory point with his finger but Jelina just nodded “Yes it is in fact my day off.”

Jack’s finger dropped as he tried to process this information “I...but...”

“To speed this along, my lord, my sisters and I are currently under probation. After being monitored for several months along with full cooperation, the council has agreed to lift the dimensional travel ban under the condition we do not cause further trouble. Master Kim felt terrible about the situation we accidentally were dragged into and gave us each a day off.”

“So where are your sisters?” Jack eyed the surroundings carefully, half expecting them to jump out in an ambush.

Jelina took a deep breath “While I am grateful and respect the lord of the manor, I am afraid we would return to a pile of ash if we left Master Kim unattended for a day.

Jack laughed “Hahah that’s funny. Demon lords are so helpless.”

“Like you?”

Jack huffed causing Jelina to grin mischievously

“So let me guess, it’s your turn and you decided to come to a mall?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

It was subtle but there was a shift in Jelina’s stance. What was once indifference was now guarded though timid.

“I am afraid to admit to you that I do not leave the house often.”

“No kidding” Jack smirked.

It was Jelina’s turn to glare “Well in any case I decided my first trip onto Earth should be the mall. It is such staple of many movies it seemed a perfect first choice.”

“Riiiiiight okay I’m going to go now. Bye!”

“Wait.”

Jack paused, surprised at the softness in the maid’s voice.

“I...” Jelina gulped nervously “I...don’t know how this works….”

“The mall? It’s not….” Jack caught the embarrassed blush on her cheeks “...always easy to navigate the first time.”

Jack let out a sigh “Okay, look if I help you through the mall, can you do me a favor?”

“Oh?” Jelina tiled her head quizzically “I admit I wasn’t expecting that to be honest but I suppose if it’s within my power and reasonable.”

“You’re a maid, right?”

“You know this Mr. Ordonia.”

Jack narrowed his eyes at the smiling Jelina “Call me Jack. Anyway, I take it you have someone who maintains Kim’s clothing? Like a tailor?”

Jelina nodded in agreement “Yes. Do you need something made or repaired?”

“Yeaaaah. If I show you around the mall, will you have them fix my bowtie?”

“That seems fair though you may have to wait a while for the tailor to perform their work.”

“That’s fine, better than wandering this hellscape for a replacement. Alright, where do you want to go first?”

_____________________________________________

“Sooooo” Jack gestured halfheartedly to the loose circle of various food booths “This is the food court where there is a court..of food.”

Jelina’s blue eyes sparkled with excitement “Interesting though I imagine this must be difficult for someone particularly indecisive. I am surprised the Underworld hasn’t adopted this as a form of torture.”

“Oh I’m sure my father is working on it” Jack murmured unhappily.

Jelina glanced at the half demon out of the corner of her eye but decided it was best to say nothing.

“Do you think we can try one?”

“Umm yeah...sure. What are you feeling? Burger? Chicken bowl? Pizza?”

“…..”

Jack rose an eyebrow as Jelina stood there, eyes darting back and forth between the various options.

“You trying to pick?”

“Yes”

“Indecisive, are we?”

Jelina’s indifferent face broke into a surprisingly cute pout that caught Jack completely unaware.

“No, I am calculating the best choice for a meal.”

“Yeah, I’m not buying that.”

“That is because you suck Jack.”

Jelina giggled playfully, breaking into a sprint as Jack gave chase.

______________________________________________________

Jack lazily tossed a fry into his mouth as Jelina cheerfully finished up her burger.

“I think I want to go here” Jelina gestured to a storefront, making her way within with Jack close behind.

“There seems to be a theme here.” Jelina thought out while she took in the various clothing options and designs “Are you sure a demon didn’t create a mall?”

Jack shrugged “Who knows but either way they were clearly some sort of evil.”

Jelina pursed her lips, eyes scanning the room as she wandered about.

Jack rolled his eyes, batting at various articles of clothing out of boredom. Just pat that, move this, touch this jacket for a while because the fabric felt nice.

“Jack?”

Jack snapped out of his thought, dropping the jacket sleeve as Jelina stared at him curiously.

“Are you alright? You weren’t talking about yourself so I assumed you had been arrested for shoplifting.”

“Ha ha. Shows what you know, I wouldn’t have been caught.” Jack beamed with pride.

“And you’re proud of this?”

Jack grumbled “You are just the worst….”

“Anyway” Jelina continued “I managed to find some clothes my sisters would love.”

Jack glanced over the articles of clothing and scoffed, snatching them from Jelina’s grip and shoving them onto the clearance rack.

“Hey! I was going to buy those!” Jelina angrily shouted, reaching for the discarded clothing only to have Jack stop her with an outstretched hand.

“No you’re not. That brand is my mom’s chief rival. You don’t want that trash.”

“I will not conform to your biases Jack. If I wish to buy these items, I will.”

“Fine but you’re going to have to have your tailor stitch holes and tears by next week assuming if they even last that long. The fabric is cheap, the sewing shoddy and it’s overpriced.”

Jelina rose an eyebrow “and I’m supposed to believe you?”

Jack waved his hand dismissively as he made his way out of the store “What do I care? It’s your money you’re wasting. My mom’s a lot of things but at least she takes pride in her work.”

Jelina thoughtfully watched the retreating figure of the magician.

Jack fumed on the outside bench, hands cradling his head while he murmured to himself “I really shouldn’t have said anything. What does it even matter? I don’t care. Why should I care what she spends her money on?”

What was he even doing? This was the same person that tried to blow him apart half a year ago and while she ultimately helped and even saved his life, it was less of being a good person and more to save her master. He should just go home and accept that his bowtie was dead and there was nothing to do but give it a proper viking funeral.

Jack went silent as he heard the clack, clack, clack of Jelina’s flip flops approaching.

“I take it your mother is a fashion designer?”

Jack scoffed “What gave it away?”

“Since you convinced me not to buy second rate clothing that my sisters would’ve adored, can you help me find your mother’s brand? And for your sake, they better be as cute as the ones I found.”

“….Fine but only because my mom would kill me if I didn’t at least try to push a sale.”

Jelina gave Jack a gentle smile.

Jack coughed awkwardly as he stood up.

______________________________________________

“So does Master Kim not give you ice cream or do you not know what it is?” Jack teased as the two patiently waited in the line.

Well Jelina was waiting patiently, Jack had his arm crossed, tapping his foot in an annoying fashion.

“Of course I know what ice cream is Jack” Jelina shot back “But this would be the first time in a long time that I wouldn’t have to fight off my sisters for such a treat.”

“Why don’t you all just buy your own?”

“We do. We really just love ice cream.”

“I can strangely relate. I too usually am trying steal ice cream from my friends.”

“I cannot see why Connor puts up with your antics”

“Probably my charm and good grace.”

“It’s certainly not for you humor that’s for sure.”

Jack mumbled under his breath while Jelina gave a crooked smirk. He opened his mouth retort when he caught sight of the headphones covering her ears. She had been wearing them all day. He assumed that it was a personal preference but in this moment, he couldn’t help but recall her words earlier. She was a cyborg which meant she possessed robotic parts intermixed within her human body.

Did Kim do this to her? Was it to save her life or maybe to ruin it? Demons weren’t exactly known for their kindness and that thought made Jack squirm uneasily.

“Stop staring Jack. It’s quite rude and for you, that’s saying something.”

Jack snapped out of it, trying to ignore the icy glance the blue haired maid was sending his way.

“I wasn’t staring, I was thinking.”

Jelina’s eyes widened in surprise “That explains the smoke coming out of your ears. Must be overworking your poor brain.”

“More like underworking.”

“That’s not a word.”

“And you’re not even human!”

Jack hadn’t meant to snap. He didn’t even know why he responded so poorly. It wasn’t anger. It wasn’t even embarrassment. Maybe some part of him realized how much fun he was having with a near stranger. Maybe he was scared of being lured into a false sense of security, of being set up for some malicious or ill intent. Maybe it was because how easy it was to be so comfortable Jelina that threw him off. He had only met her twice and he already felt like he knew her his entire life. A strange and foreign connection that formed far more quickly than he expected. Someone as sassy and witty as him that he didn’t mind spending time with.

There was a thick pause as the words tumbled out of Jack’s mouth. If Jelina was hurt or shocked by his response, she didn’t show it but Jack could feel her attitude shift, a distance that wasn’t there before suddenly grew once more.

Jelina sighed “I am human. Just not completely. Was that what you were thinking of?”

“I...”

“Everyone does” Jelina spoke softly “Sooner or later they noticed my antennas or my headphones or the camera lens in my eyes.”

Jack was confused “Wait, there’s camera lens in your...”

“And they always think how human I must really be” Jelina pushed on “I am very human Mr. Ordonia.”

“Wait, that’s not what I...”

“I think I should go.” there was a finality in her voice that made Jack fidget guiltily.

She turned to him, shook his hand politely and gave a little nod “Thank you for your time”

“Hey wait a minute” Jack growled “I wasn’t thinking about how human you are. I was thinking….”

Jelina was unconvinced “You do not have to lie to me Mr. Ordonia. I know it is your prefer method of avoiding responsibility but I can assure you I am used such responses.”

“Fine” Jack huffed “Fine, what do I care? Just...fine!”

Jack stomped off, unable to control his rage despite his best efforts.

This is why he didn’t help people. This is why he hated the mall and this is why he was just going to go straight home.

____________________________________________________

He hadn’t. Guilt set in shortly after and when he returned to fix his mistakes like Connor taught him, Jelina was nowhere to be seen.

Many people who knew Jack would assume by performing this bare minimum effort to apologize he would clear his conscience and was now able to go home.

But those who truly knew him knew what he was about to do, driven by deep seated moral code he pretended he didn’t have.

He searched the mall. The second floor, the various stores, the court of food, even asking people to check the bathrooms for him. Seconds into minutes into an hour and still he searched.

He nearly gave up and took the weight of his guilt home with him until he heard the scuffling of sneakers across the sleek mall floor somewhere close by. Jack may have been a subpar student with an attention span of a rodent when forced to deal with things he’d rather not but that didn’t mean he was some simpleton.

That particular squeak was caused when someone was putting all their weight down on the balls of their feet, usually in order to brace for impact or preparing to lunge at someone.

Jack rounded the corner to a group of older teens, hands clenched into fists and snarling at Jelina who stood in front a younger girl who clutched at the blue haired maid’s bag fearfully.

“We just wanted the money she owed us” One of the boys shouted, eyes narrowing in righteous fury.

“Stop lying” Jelina scoffed “I know a bully when I see one. You will leave this poor girl alone.”

The trio laughed “Or what?”

“You really don’t want to know” Jack spoke up without warning.

The tap on his shoulder caused one of the bullies to whirl around in surprise, fist raised but Jack had flicked his nose, sending the unprepared bully staggering backwards.

“You best be off and mind your own business.” The leader spoke up, eyes shifting warily between Jelina and Jack on either side of him.

“Bold words for someone whose on fire.”

“What?”

Before anyone realized what was going on, the teen who stumbled over Jack’s sneak attack spontaneously caught ablaze, flame burning the fabric for a moment as smoke rose upwards. An alarm blared while the sprinklers sprung to life, dousing the flame and bullies into a soppy wet mess. They shouted obscene curse words as they bolted past the lazy magician, tripping and flailing of over the slippy wet floor, the yells of the security guard trailing close behind the trio as they attempted to escape.

Jelina sighed in relief before glancing at the little girl “Are you safe?”

She nodded happily “Thank you!” and she launched herself into Jelina’s arm, wrapping the maid in a tight hug before leaving to search for her mother.

Jelina smiled warmly at the act but when she glanced back, Jack was nowhere to be seen.

Jelina raced down the hallway as quickly as she could only to find Jack casually leaning against the wall, grinning mischievously at the sight of the bullies being hauled away by mall security for setting a fire.

Jelina stood there awkwardly, unsure what to say to the demonic prince. While she no doubt could’ve handled those punks with no issues, she was grateful she didn’t have to wipe blood from her knuckles.

“You’re welcome.”

Jack’s soft voice surprised Jelina.

“I could’ve handled it myself but thank you all the same”

Jack stretched his arms “I know but I figured this was better than you getting in trouble with the council. Wouldn’t want you to be stuck at home for another god knows how many months.”

Jelina hadn’t thought of that. Had she picked the fight with the bullies, even in self defense and defense of another, it was entirely possible the council would’ve viewed it as causing trouble and forced her under harsh monitoring.

“….Thank you Jack.”

Jack grinned impishly “There’s the real one. Well since that concludes our business together.”

Jack pushed off the wall, turning away towards the exit when a hand gripped his shoulder gently.

“Jack….what were you thinking when you were lost in thought?”

“Oh now you believe me.” Jack raised an eyebrow.

Jelina pulled back her hand “You did set someone on fire for me after presumably looking to apologize. It’s only fair I hear what lie you came up with.”

“I never apologize” Jack exclaimed before glancing away “But I have to admit when I really thought about your….cyborgness...”

“Not a word.” Jelina cut in.

“Not caring” Jack continued “I wasn’t thinking if you were human because you clearly are. Like duh. I was thinking did Kim save you or did he do that to you. Demon lords aren’t exactly known….”

“For their kindness” Jelina finished “That is a fair question. I am not used to someone who understands the inter workings of demonic culture so intimately.”

“Yeah me either.”

Jelina paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts and deciding on how best to answer the question “Yes Master Kim did perform the operation on me though it was to save my life and the lives of my sisters. We owe him so much and he has always been kind to us. That’s why we refused to leave his side even when he was clearly not himself.”

“And why you were willing to free me and Connor.” Jack filled in.

Jelina nodded in agreement “You were our best hope….I am sorry I assumed poorly of you. Despite this last hour, I had fun today.”

“Well I didn’t”

Jelina’s face fell “Oh….I...”

“But” Jack rubbed his neck timidly “That’s my fault. I was so caught up in your angle and what you were planning that I pretty much was on guard about everything. When I finally actually stopped and looked at you, thinking about what you’ve been through….well I dunno I guess I wasn’t liking the fact you weren’t as bad as I thought you were. Even if you are really annoying.”

Jelina stifled a chuckle “Just because I do not think poorly of you does not mean you are not irritating.”

“Look, about the bowtie….”

“Oh right” Jelina snapped fingers “Do you have it on you? Given how far you were willing to go just to repair it, I suspect you do.”

“Yes” Jack began slowly “But given how much trouble I almost got you in, it’s okay if...”

“Hand it over Hellspawn.”

Jack wasn’t sure how to feel about the sudden name calling, no matter how accurate, and decided perhaps it was best to just to give her the bowtie. He fished it gingerly out of his pocket and carefully handed it over. It didn’t really matter, the tailor must’ve been back in the Underworld and lord knows how long it took them to fix tears on fabrics. It was only fair that he wait however long it took.

Jelina studied the rip on the strap cautiously as she fished out a small square kit from her purse. She pulled out a sewing needle and thread and before Jack could mutter a single confused curse, she began stitching the beloved bowtie back together, her work fast, efficient and effortlessly. Less than a minute later, the repair work was complete and Jack held his precious bowtie in his hand good as new.

“Thank you for a wonderful day Jack.” Jelina politely bowed and quickly strolled away.

“You are the literal worst maidy!” Jack called out, no real bite to his insult.

Jelina simply smiled to herself, humming softly as she made her way back home.

#nova vs drabble #Jack Ordonia Lucitor #Jelina #OCS!#my story #deth ocs

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june2734 · 5 years

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So I've been seeing a lot of the “Blazing Saddles could never be made today because of the PC police” Discourse today. Okay, fine. Let’s go ahead and dignify this with a ~ * ~ thread ~ * ~ Could BLAZING SADDLES or something similar be made today? NO. Here's why. Rather, it’s not that BLAZING SADDLES could not be made today - you could make it, it would just land with a deafening thud. Because the observations are tired and the execution is gratuitous and crass - but importantly, it is gratuitous and crass in a way it was not in 1974. As we have discussed before, comedy is a tricky genre because it is the quickest to age and the most likely to age poorly. A comedy’s success depends just as much on when it hits as the quality of the writing. The same applies to genre - Westerns were in their Twilight in 1974, and one of the most pervasive genres in all of film. So the film is just as much a sendup of the dying Western as it is commentary about race. Also, people seem to forget that BLAZING SADDLES was released LESS THAN A DECADE after the Voting Rights Act was passed. The United States had just gone through a very rapid shift with its relationship to race. Moreover, Hollywood did not really know how to approach portrayals of racial hostility in film, even though it was topical af. This very rapid shift in social mores lead to a broad sort of discomfort in Hollywood, which happened to coincide with the collapse of the studio system. That collapse and the failure of multiple big budget projects (looking at you, DOCTOR DOOLITTLE) was a major reason why you didn't see movies like SADDLES before the mid-1960's - experimentation in film transgression was only allowed after the "mainstream" began to fail. The highest profile example of a high profile "let's talk about race" film before BLAZING SADDLES that actually FEATURED a Black protagonist (we’re ignoring TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD for several reasons) was IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT. IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT… it’s like, you know, it’s fine. But it’s a very, straightforward, borderline “racists and Blacks learn to get along” narrative in the vein of GREEN BOOK. It is a Drama that has Serious Things to Say About Race. (also BONNIE AND CLYDE was robbed). So reason #1 BLAZING SADDLES would fail today: comedy about race was only just hitting the mainstream. As we observed in the video about Mel Brooks and THE PRODUCERS, farceur is sometimes necessary to really cut to the bone of difficult issues-that is BLAZING SADDLES’ innovation. And it is never portrayed as a harmless kind of absurd, but just fundamentally illogical, stratified, and shameless in its exploitative nature. Like the goofy Nazis in “Springtime for Hitler”, racism in SADDLES is neither cool nor aspirational. (And because I have to tediously acknowledge this every time I talk about BLAZING SADDLES, yes I KNOW it is extremely tone deaf with regard to women and gay people. Stop "educating" me that every time I talk about this movie. I'm talking about its portrayal of race chrissake) The joke in this scene is that the “simple” white folks of Rock Ridge are willing to accept Sheriff Bart, but only after he eliminates a major threat, and only if no one else sees them doing it. (CW: this clip has racial slurs). This is just one example of the sort of “Truth to power” humor in SADDLES - the joke is at the expense of the white audience, not only pointing out the woman's hypocrisy but making a joke out of it.

That was a fresh take in 1974 - not so fresh today. So Brooks is correct in that good comedy speaks truth to power, but the power in this case is white hegemony. This film DOES state an uncomfortable truth, very explicitly, in a way that drama cannot - and that transgression made the film more honest. In this scene, Taggart’s explicit statement of genocide against all non-whites is the JOKE, but not one at the expense of the people being killed. That it is comedy allows it to be blunt in a way that dramas couldn't be. (CW: this clip has several racial slurs). The observation that “Blazing Saddles couldn’t be made today” is the most tired, unoriginal thing and I’ve been hearing it ad nauseam since the 90’s. It is the sort of thing espoused by people who believe the real problem is the PC police, not the structure of white supremacy. It ignores the many complex contexts and trends the film came in the midst of that made it feel fresh at the time. Yes, I am aware that Brooks himself has oft repeated this line. And I do think he doesn’t realize he’s contradicting himself. In the most recent regurgitation of this line in 2017, he calls the culture “stupidly politically correct,” but then immediately contradicts himself by making a list of topics that he thinks are not funny and never will be and he will never joke about. Even in the example of BLAZING SADDLES, he's made it clear in multiple interviews that the image of a black man being lynched was a line he would never cross. Even something as subtle as the “Bart almost gets lynched” scene - note that every man in line behind him is white. So the idea that “oh, no, now there are tribes we will no longer offend!” while immediately going on to list lines he would never cross is contradictory and, yes, hypocritical. @PFTompkins outlines why on a thread embedded in the Variety article.

So the mindless regurgitation of the line about how “The PC Police say we can’t do movies like BLAZING SADDLES anymore” is so disheartening because it shows that the only lesson these people took from the film is “white people yelling the N-word is funny.” Spike Lee has criticized the film for that - less the intent or even the execution, but what audiences (especially white audiences) take from it. That audiences take it not as a critique of white hegemony but as a free pass to say the N-word and laugh about it. Because, let's be real, when people like Rob Lowe bemoan that we would NEVER see a movie like Blazing Saddles today, what they mean is "boy I do miss the days when you could cram your movie full of the N-word with reckless abandon for literally any reason". But that era of film never existed. The vast majority of the history of race in film before BLAZING SADDLES centers white characters, and betrays extreme discomfort with white culpability. Noteworthy also that BLAZING SADDLES did not start a trend, because it couldn't. And I never wanted to admit it before but honestly? Spike Lee was right. Clearly, way too many people didn't "get" the object of ridicule in SADDLES, and just use it as yet another cudgel of oppression. But don't worry, it's just a joke. Anyway, BLAZING SADDLES has always been and will always be one of my favorite movies, but it does get really tedious that it's been twenty years of people boo-hooing that we can't make the film today like it's some kind of fresh take. Good lord, it is not.

— Lindsay Ellis Twitter Thread on why people misunderstand why Mel Brooks couldn’t be made today in essay form. Link

— Mel Brooks, The Producers and the Ethics of Satire about N@zis:

youtube

#Lindsay Ellis #blazing saddles #Mel Brooks #The Producers

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secret-diary-of-an-fa · 5 years

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Brie Larson and Captain Marvel Are Very Different People (Thank Fuck)

WARNING: I’m about to insult one of your favourite celebrities EVEN WHILE COMPLIMENTING A MOVIE THEY’RE IN. Because I’m on fire, today, that’s fucking why.

As you might have noticed, we all have to live through a pretentiously-titled and idiotic ‘Culture War’ because dumb people from every corner of the political spectrum have decided that liminal, cultural space is limited like actual physical territory and therefore every single scrap of IP needs to be fought for. For the record, this fighting is usually at the cost of the gentle nerd villagers who live there and would rather not see their cultural settlements bombed to dust by dueling factions of slobbering fuckwits. On the one hand, you’ve got your rightwing neocon bastard-holes who think that there’s a conspiracy of ‘Cultural Marxists’ out to ruin culture by SJW-ing it up a notch- which is stupid, because I’m a Marxist and I can promise you none of us asked for Ghostbusters 2016 either. Nobody fucking did. Anyhoo, on the other hand there’s a bunch of quasi-liberal representation hipsters who lack the imagination to create original IP and so keep colonising other peoples’ with cheap and lazy gender-swaps and other ill-advised ‘reimaginings’. As some of you might have figured out, I like to think of myself as broadly impartial war correspondent in this idiotic struggle for western culture’s fractured zeitgeist. Impartial, of course, in the sense that I wish everyone involved would fall down a gigantic fucking well never to be seen again.

Anyway, the latest battle in the culture war (a term I have only used twice and already fucking loathe) really does plumb fresh new depths of the Great Grey Idiotsea. As some of the more astute of you may have noticed, Captain Marvel has caused a bit of a skirmish, despite being fundamentally inoffensive. I mean, it’s made by Disney (who are evil on a corporate level), but what isn’t nowadays? As a piece of media in its own right, it’s basically fine. It’s not a lazy hipster reboot of something that was already done better; it’s not displacing any of the existing pieces of media in its genre; it’s just a superhero film that happens to star An Woman. The fact that it’s in any way controversial is mad, mad, mad, mad. I’m as pissed off as anyone about the way something that should be good (i.e. improved representation) has been used to co-opt geek spaces into the mainstream, but this isn’t even that. So yeah- shocking people who haven’t paid sufficient attention to the nuances of my opinions on this, I’m actually on Captain Marvel’s side on this one, at least nominally. It’s insane that this mid-tier, fairly-true-to-recent-source-material comic book movie has pissed off so many people.

Of course, there were always going to be a few people who hated the film just for existing, but they might not have gained so much traction if it wasn’t for the fact that Brie Larson (the actress playing the titular Captain Marvel) literally cannot keep her fucking gob shut for five minutes at a stretch. During a press conference, she was basically supposed to talk about how the film was going to be screened for (and reviewed by) different types of critic from different genders and ethnic background so that reviews weren’t weighted as much in favour of older white male film critics as usual. That’s fair enough. Unfortunately, because Brie is Brie (and what can you expect of someone who’s named after cheese), what she actually said was “I don’t care what some 40-year old white guy thinks” and other such deliberately antagonistic phrasing, designed seemingly to alienate every member of the critical press NOT in a Larson-approved demographic. Naturally enough, a bunch of nerds on the internet felt this was an attack on them and kicked off against the film...

... Which gives me the opportunity to address an important point. Specifically: Brie Larson is NOT Captain Marvel. She is not the character, nor is she representative of the vast, complicated, interconnected multiplicity of production teams behind it. She’s just one actress. Her on-screen role is major; her actually-being-allowed-to-make-important-decisions-role is probably pretty negligible. That doesn’t mean she’s not a chippy jerkoff who needs to learn to either Engage Brain Before Opening Mouth or (failing that) Not Open Mouth At All. It just means that you shouldn’t judge the film on her (admittedly antagonistic and irritating) antics when she isn’t reading from a script.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: while intelligent, thoughtful actors and actresses do exist (I just started dating one) most Big Names are either dumb, or simply terrible people. Chris Pratt is a big game hunter, apparently- he spends his free time killing innocent animals with a gun ‘cause he’s a prick. Michael Fassbender beat his wife. Allison Mack cheerfully joined a sex slavery cult. Let’s be frank, here. As much as I’m grateful that the acting profession exists (without it, movies wouldn’t happen), the most well-known people in it aren’t, as a rule, normal, functional human beings. To be an actor or actress on that level, you kind of have to be a needy egomaniac who doesn’t mind being gawped at by strangers for your entire professional life.

So, Brie Larson is a tool and her professional I’m-Not-a-Tool Mask slipped off for a minute when she erroneously thought the Real Her might be acceptable for public consumption. You know what? It doesn’t fucking matter. She doesn’t have to be the type of person you’d want to spend more than two minutes alone in an elevator with- she just needs to be good at acting, which she mostly is. Captain Marvel looks like a good movie, so if it’s your sort of thing, go see it and just try to forget that Captain Marvel is, of necessity, played by a real human who happens to be a dipstick. There are lots of truly terrible media products swimming around, waiting to have your ire and mine sprayed at them. Save your rage for those.

And if you are going to buoycott Captain Marvel, maybe consider doing so because Disney (who own Marvel Studios) exploits the workers who make its merch to the extent that they’ve actually been known to use sweatshop slave labour. ‘Cause that’s still a thing everyone ignores, regardless of which side of the fucking “culture war” they claim to be on.

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer

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oopsabird · 6 years

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1; & 3, 5, 10 for take my heart &/so much like stars

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favourite and why?

Of all of my fics, that award I think would have to go to “I have loved the stars too fondly” (my Hamlet fic). Partly because I’m exceptionally pleased with how the prose and story/visuals execution turned out (in the most recent edited edition, which I think was last spruced up in 2016), and partly because since Hamlet is public domain, it technically sits on a sort of par with The Lion King in terms of canon-ness (or at least that’s what I say to boost my own ego lol). Of my WW fics (completed ones), I like “And In The Morning” best - it executes exactly the imagery and mood I intended it to, and I like it so much that I actually frequently forget that the hug it adds to the airfield aftermath scene isn’t actually canon, despite me carrying it over to all my other fics (it happened off-screen and I will take that headcanon to my grave). gambit, that wonderful whumpy collection of historical anachronisms, medical bullshitting, and tropes, is a very close second there, purely because I designed it to be a collection of things I enjoy in fic so of course I love it.

3. Which part of [title] was hardest to write?

take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat: Trying to convey exactly the physical positions and body language I was picturing in my head while maintaining prose and mood was probably the toughest. I tend to picture my fics like films in my head beforehand, complete with camera angles and cuts and mood lighting and a lot of minute physical/action detail, so trying to cram all that information into a sentence that still reads nicely and gets the intended feeling across is my most frequent struggle in writing. This was a fic that to me carried just as much of its mood and angst in things like the touch of a shoulder or the intonation of a word as it did in the prose, so it was tough, but I think I struck a pretty good balance.

so much like stars: I know the answer to this instantly, and you may know it too since I mention it in the end note of the fic: the undressing scene. Like, I basically worship Lindy Hemming for her costume design work in this movie and legitimately think she deserved to at least be nominated for an Oscar for it (product placement: the Wonder Woman Artbook is well worth its $50 price tag for the incredible insight into the crazy amount of craftmanship and work that went into making this movie. Must-have if you are fascinated by film-making and Wonder Woman. Hence why I have it.) All that being said, the (truly excellent) costumes for Sameer and Charlie have an INSANE amount of layers and pieces, and because I am a stickler for prop continuity I took it upon myself to keep track of each and every one. Except for a few I omitted because I knew nobody else is enough of a nerd about this movie to know the difference lol. It was a nightmare of my own making but in the end also a good writing exercise for managing prop pieces in a scene. But still. SO. MANY. JACKETS.

I really do go on in the rest of these answers, so please find them tucked under the cut!

5. Did you make an outline for [title], and if so did you stick to it?

I have what I would call a very ADHD writing technique, in which I will generally impulsively write the scenes I have visualized most clearly first, regardless of their place in the fic; then I spend possibly weeks jumping around and filling in the patches between scenes whenever inspiration strikes, generally working either from a vague “it will go like this overall” plan stored in my brain, or a placeholder in-text like “[they leave the bar and travel home. Charlie falls asleep in the cab]”. I almost always write my openings last, after having built the rest of the fic together bit-by-bit and now needing a way to segue the reader into it. That’s process is basically how I wrote both of these, except these were essentially written as a moment of hyperfocus rather than over a long period of time - each of them developed very quickly from initial idea to publication in a short period because I didn’t do literally anything else during that time (take my heart over a period of 12 hours, so much like stars over a period of three days). The only fic I have that really has a concretely written formal outline is The Big Fic (that mythological creature from my WIP list), and that’s because I’ve spent months actively workshopping the shit out of it and treating the damn thing like a novel (which is probably why finishing it escapes me).

10. What are some facts that readers may not know about [title]?

Ooooooo this is a delightful question, because as you can probably tell from my lengthy author’s notes on AO3, I looooove giving “director’s commentary” and spilling extra-textual info about my fics!

take my heart:

I don’t like that this is yet another WW fic I’ve done where Diana appears but doesn’t speak, but couldn’t (yet) find a way to give her even a passing line that didn’t feel shoehorned.

The choice to use present tense was made on a whim.

Though the fic doesn’t actually mention it explicitly (the one that I borrowed my own headcanon from does), the injury Charlie received to his shoulder and was put on leave for is that he “froze up” during their last mission and got shot (it was a graze), fell off his sniper perch and hit his head (a version of this incident is detailed in To Burn And Keep Quiet).

I worry that I write too many fics where Sameer is just a lens for processing Charlie’s trauma and emotional arcs in the text, and want to do more pieces that give Sami other plots and motivations and have him operating as a character more independently from his relationship to and feelings for Charlie.

Originally the idea was going to be Sami saying “I love you” knowing it will be forgotten in the morning, but then when I was writing it I was like “wait, I’ve thought of something worse! how delightful!”.

The “over breakfasts and newspapers” line is intended as a reference to Steve’s in-movie explanation to Diana of what people do when there are no wars to fight.

I decided to have it rain at one point because in the movie when Diana enters the pub with Steve the pavement is shown to be wet so I figure it must have been that kind of day, and also because it was raining all day while I wrote so I was really feeling it.

so much like stars:

I went to painstaking googling lengths to find a French-language song for the opening that was both period-accurate and suitable to the mood.

I actually omitted at least one costume piece: Sami wears these absurd-looking knit legwarmer-looking things over his boots and the bottom of his pants (these can be glimpsed in some scenes), and not only do they really look strange with just the suit (less so with all his coats and everything on), but I have no idea what they’re called and was sick of writing costume pieces, so I left them out knowing nobody else is enough of a nerd about it to notice.

I originally wanted to give this fic a fade-to-black/”soft focus” They Done Fucked romantic get-together conclusion (hence the setup with the windowless room, the creaky bed, the washbasin), but as the fic progressed I decided against it because it didn’t feel right for the tone/situation or the fact that that’s not my actual headcanon for how that night would’ve gone (and I was shooting for canon-compliant). An unfinished draft of that alternate ending does exist, but it’s not as of yet in any shape to be shown to anybody. Yet.

I worried while writing (still do, a bit) that this fic wouldn’t be liked/read by other fans because I know that the version of Charlie I have developed/analyzed out of my repeated close readings of the film and headcanons is a much more likable character than the impression of him you get after just one or two viewings of the film, so I worried that more casual/less obsessed fans reading this (and indeed, several of my other fics) wouldn’t be able to suspend their disbelief enough to accept me saying “yeah, Sameer is very in love with him. attacted to him, even.” without having been along for the ride on my entire crazy obsession with this movie and these characters. Luckily the way Sameer’s interactions with him in the film are acted and shot do the vast majority of the heavy lifting in-canon for this ship already, so readers are more likely to take “Sami is in love with Charlie, secretly” as read without me having to do too much extra stuff to back it up or make it plausible. “Charlie is in love with Sami” doesn’t require nearly as much work to “justify” because Sami is extremely handsome and charming and much of the fandom seems to adore him anyway, so its more like “yeah obviously, who WOULDN’T be in love with him in some way or another?”

I watched the entire “Night In Veld” set of scenes (through from Sami bringing Diana and Steve drinks to that wonderful Wondertrev fade-to-black scene) probably about 8+ times during the process of writing this fic, just to keep myself in the right frame of mind/mood; at this point I could recite it word-for-word.

Sami’s list of “Reasons Not To Tell Him” is pretty much my favourite part of the fic.

The “Sami wears undershirts with sleeves, Charlie wears sleeveless ones” distinction is my own little bit of costume design and also a headcanon that I carry through almost all of my fics.

I had a lot of trouble trying to balance my dedication to the principle “write non-English dialogue in the correct language” with “you can’t subtitle this, there is a LOT of French, and it needs to be comprehensible for an English audience”. What you see in the fic is my version of a happy medium, which I think works rather well.

Thank you for asking this!!!! And thank you to anybody who stuck it out to read this whole damn thing and indulge my infodumping!

#asks #long post #fanfic #charliexsameer #ww 2017

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ethansullivan · 6 years

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Character Question Task

TW KIDNAPPING

3. What does your muse think of wealthy people? Do they resent them, or do they believe they earned what they have?

“I was raised in a very wealthy family so I can’t really resent all wealthy people without resenting myself” he said, “And I really don’t hate all wealthy people, of course. I just think it really depends on how they act” he shrugged, starting his next sentence. “You know those rich people who need you to know that they’re rich? And they don’t shut up about it and act all snobby and rude to everyone? I dont like those ones, they suck to be around. But the rich people who just live their lives and are nice to people and not obnoxious because of their money are fine”

4. Does your muse have a loud personality or a quiet one? Do they enjoy being the center of attention, or would they rather watch and listen?

“I think I’m kind of in between, honestly. I like being the center of attention when I’m performing or in any situation with my music- or when I’m drunk, I’m a loud drunk” he laughed. “But generally in my personal life, I tend to be more quiet and I let other people talk. I’m a good listener, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I only really talk much when I’m with my few closest friends”

10. Does your muse feel like they need to do things quickly or do they take their time?

Ethan thought for a moment, “I always like to take my time when I do things. A lot of the things that I do are very time consuming, like writing music or lyrics, and that’s not something you can do perfectly in one sitting. It takes a long time to create something really amazing, I would never write songs like the ones I have if I was rushing to do things quickly. Everything comes out better when you take the time to perfect it”

11. How often does your muse think about death? Do they think about it at all?

“I try not to think about death a lot” he sighed. “Admittedly, I do spend some nights when I cant sleep thinking about death, but that’s only on nights when I’m really not doing well” he frowned. “After my cousin kidnapped me and held a gun up to my face, I couldnt stop thinking about how I almost died that day and how I could die at any minute. But I’m doing a lot better since then, I’ve been doing really well. I dont think about it much anymore, I’ve made my peace with that portion of my life”

16. How does your muse handle their emotions? Do they bottle them up or pour them out as soon as they start to feel?

“I vent my emotions differently than the usual way that people do. I don’t normally talk about my feelings with other people, sometimes I tell Evie things, but generally I just take whatever I’m feeling and put that emotion into the songs I write” he shrugged. “So I’m not really bottling them up, I am pouring my feelings out, I just put them down on paper and sing them to people later. And once I sing them I think people can really understand what I was feeling when I wrote the songs”

22. What would your muse change about their lives if they could and why? What do they wish their lives were like now?

“If I could change my life, there really isn’t much I would do, to be honest. I would want my music to be more popular, like I’d want to play sold out shows at Madison Square Garden or something. I’m hoping I’ll get there anyway, but I’d like to make it to that point in my career sooner rather than later.” He smiled, “and the other big change I would do would probably just be to have a serious relationship with someone I really love. I focus a lot on my music, I really dont make time for dating anymore but I would love to have someone that I could share all of this with other than my best friends.”

27. What hobbies or skills does your character have and how important are they to their life? Is it something they spend a lot of time on? Why or why not?

“I guess all of my skills and hobbies really revolve around my career in music” he shrugged. “My hobbies could be like singing, songwriting, playing instruments- like my guitar, my piano, and the drums. I also like listening to music. And these hobbies are very important to my life, they keep me grounded” he nodded, “Music is my rock, I would’ve lost everything a long time ago if I didn’t have music. I spent a vast majority of my time doing anything music related, honestly”

28. What is your muse’s very best memory and why?

“My very best memory, oh boy.....that’s tough” he said, looking up and thinking for a long time, trying to recall what his best memory was. “Probably when Evie and I were younger. Before everything in our lives got too complicated. She used to come over all the time and just listen to me play a song or two, and then we’d just lay on my bed together and just cuddle, maybe put on a movie or two” he smiled, “I remember this one time specifically where I had just finished writing my first song and I played it for her, and she loved it, she was so happy. I’ll never forget that smile she had when I was singing to her. That’s what really made me want to follow a career in music, I wanted to keep making people happy with my songs like I did for her that day.....I should really thank her for that, she’s always been so supportive of me and my music, she’s incredible. I wouldn’t have made it this far without her”

29. What is your muse’s very worst memory and why?

“That’s easy” he shook his head, “That’s got to be when my cousin kidnapped me and two other kids from our school. She held a gun up to my head, I was so scared, I thought I was going to die that day. And just the sounds of screaming when the shot the other guy there, I couldn’t get those screams out of my head for months” he sighed. “Yeah, that’s definitely my worst memory.”

30. Has your muse ever been in love? If so, what was it like for them? If they haven’t, what do they imagine it’s like?

“I haven’t been in love, no, I wish I had” he frowned a little. “I think love is amazing, I wish I found someone special who I could care about that much. To have a connection with someone like that is incredible, I long for something like that” he shrugged. “I’ve written a lot of songs about love and relationships based on what I imagine or hope they’re like, but I’ve never actually had a serious girlfriend”

#nycrptask #tw kidnapping

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shadowsandbonerp · 3 years

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The Veil of The Mists

Accidentally or intentionally, there will come a point when you reveal your special abilities to others and thereby inadvertently stumble upon the greatest hoax in the City. You will discover, much to your simultaneous relief and dismay, that no-one remembers anything regarding your powers. To say no- one is slightly inaccurate, as you’ll eventually discover, but you will find that the vast majority of city dwellers simply ignore, excuse, or forget any legendary power that you manifest in their presence. Is it that they don’t want to remember or that they cannot remember? This is a philosophical question you may never answer.

This force, responsible for the ignorance of millions of people, is the Mist. Even its name is shrouded, you will never discover it. No-one can know its name; it cannot be spoken in reference to this force anywhere in the City. But you have likely come up with your own term for it: “the Hiding”, “the Brain-wiper”, or simply “this thing that makes people forget”.

In many ways it is a mild, undetectable force. In other ways, its all-encompassing nature is terrify- ing, as your experiments will surely divulge. When- ever the legendary manifests in any way, the Mist ensures that no-one knows about it or recognizes it for what it truly is. You begin to realize that you live in an entire City that is forever in the clutches of this force and that everyone you know and meet is entirely oblivious to what is going on around them. They are “Sleepers”, “groggies”, “fog- heads”; they are unable to see what you can see, no matter how concrete the facts you show them.

This realization alone can tear your psyche apart and indeed countless like you have lost their minds when the gravity of the situation struck them. You are living in a city of sleepwalkers, and that includes the people you love the most. A great chasm opens up between you and those closest to you, a chasm that you can only repress, never bridge. This may drive you to want to know more about the Mist. Even if you survive all this psycho- logical stress, you will face unavoidable questions. “What about me? What am I not seeing? Is there something I too am blind to?” You start, in your own way, to study the Mist. If you continue asking questions, here’s what you’ll find out:

The Mist hides and distracts. Just as one is about to witness the real-life manifestation of your Mythos, something will happen to make them look away or at the very least blur their impression. Fog will roll in, rain will lash at them, steam will blow out from the subway vents, the lights will flicker. Alternatively, their phone will ring just at the right moment, or someone will cry for help, or they will spot their favorite sports player walking down the street. Whatever form it takes, the Mist will make them miss the miraculous display altogether, or at the very least doubt what they saw: “I saw some- thing, but I’m not sure exactly…” If you push them later, most people will respond with disbelief that it ever happened, or even could happen.

As you’ll discover, the Mist is not limited to people’s minds. Its effects are more far-reaching than mind tricks. It can cause interference in electrical devices recording your legendary pow- ers (and Sleepers would claim it’s edited footage, anyway). More worryingly, it seems to be able to orchestrate events with disturbing synchronicity, for example, having your boyfriend arrive at the scene out of the blue just as you’re about to witness the magical powers of a Rift you worked weeks to track down.

You see, the effects of the Mist are not limited to Sleepers. You too, as well as the other Rifts you’ll meet, are subject to its distractions. The difference is that you remember; you know there is something hiding the truth from you. You know that what you didn’t see in a moment of distraction is what really matters, and that if you had seen it, you’d remember it.

The Mist provides excuses and twists perceptions. Sometimes, if you’re lucky or unlucky enough, the Mist will fail momentarily and someone will get to see your legendary power in all its glory. At first, as the unadulterated reality sets in, they may be shocked, eyes glazing over. However, the Mist quickly sweeps up after you. Moments later, the glazed look in their eyes will vanish; if asked about it, they’ll acknowledge everything that happened except its legendary nature. Sleepers will staunchly maintain that there is some mundane explanation to what happened: a freak electrical phenomenon, some kind of scam using movie special effects, whatever. You don’t seriously expect them to believe it was the Big Bad Wolf you just wrestled with, do you?

This normalizing effect also works on a much deeper level. You’ll find that Sleepers subconsciously edit everything they see as it happens. Where you may see a two-headed troll, they will see horribly deformed and obese Siamese twins; when obviously faced with the Queen of the Dead, they’ll remember her as an obnoxious drag queen. The Mist makes it so that Sleepers just cannot see, not even what’s right in front of them. Even you sometimes need an actual display of legendary powers before you can be sure someone else is a Rift. When thus revealed, the magnitude of the power of the Mist over the City’s residents is truly alarming.

The Mist makes you forget. This is possibly the scariest aspect of the Mist. When you experience this effect, you will suddenly grasp how fragile your mundane life is, how in one moment it can all be taken away from you. It seems there is only so much the Mist can cover up at once; sometimes, when it’s stuck for a solution, the Mist will become aggressive and simply wipe out all memory of your Mythos manifestations from people’s minds. For them, and sometimes ‘them’ are very large groups of people, it would be as if the event never happened. “I can’t recall exactly what I did last Thurs- day. I guess I went to Eddie’s, like every Thursday. I might have had one beer too many, though…”

This effect also has a milder but equally impactful aspect, one which affects minds over time. People in the City don’t dwell over mystical and supernatural shenanigans; they forget, they let go, they move on. Their own lives are much more compelling than something weird they can’t understand. Which brings us to the last point.

The Mist exploits the things dearest to you. Your own life is the Mist’s strongest weapon, es- pecially the things you love or hate. If you value your family, the Mist will use them to throw you off. If you like cars or hate rats, you’ll see a flashy ride or a hairy critter crossing the road just as you’re about to witness something important. And since almost everyone either loves or hates themselves, the Mist also employs aspects of your own personality and body against you: a passing thought about your future, an inexplica- ble bad feeling that never leaves you, or a sudden hunger for burritos – all of these can be carefully placed by the Mist at the exact moment some- thing else is happening at the corner of your eye, something legendary, something that will provide answers.

If that’s the way it works on you, imagine how it works on Sleepers. Sleepers are obsessed with their own lives. They don’t care what’s happen- ing around them. Sometimes you think it’s like they wear helmets made of pure noise, constant- ly dealing with “Me, me, me!”. Well, in a way, you’re the same, but at least your eyes are open some of the time.

So while this mysterious force prevents others from seeing you as you are, it also makes it more difficult for you to find the answers you are looking for.

An important fact you will learn is that the Mist does NOT change reality (at least not abruptly enough for you to notice). While trying to get answers from a violent gang of cultists, for example, if you beat them up with your ancient bronze staff and you all end up getting arrested, they’ll report “This freak came at me with some weird metal shaft!” If you do so by turning your arm into stone, they’ll say, “That crazy son of a bitch hit me with a brick!” However, they will still be injured, for real, and forensics may be able to tell if they were hurt by bronze or stone. This is to say the consequences of your Mythos powers are very much real. Just because the Mist covers up all perception of the legendary aspects of your actions doesn’t mean you will not be held responsible for them.

Only the legendary miracles and wonders are forgotten. Some of the ordinary residents of the City are quite sharp and focused: that police detective, that bohemian musician at the jazz club, that kid in the basketball court. They’re not zombies or drones, they’re just under a spell. They can tell you’re up to something, even if they can’t see it for what it is. And there is always the possibility that they too will awaken. .

#siteinfo #shadowsandbone #jcink

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