#as Leslie Knope once said: ‘I… sad’

[hopecomesbacktolife]

affirmation of the day: we will not cry over our religious trauma at Mother’s Day lunch

#personal #I’m like. I’m fine I just made the mistake of thinking about the prince of Egypt soundtrack and I’m just sad #i don’t want to cry into my pizza in a couple hours so I need to ~ redirect ~ #it’s just. i miss the certainty the belonging the connection that’s all #as Leslie Knope once said: ‘I… sad’ #hhhhhh

[cypanache]

Hi! I recently read Patchwork Heart (like twice in two days) and I now have brainrot from that fic. (Which is to say that I loved it.) And I’m sad that it’s incomplete but I’m grateful that you wrote it, and all your other Parks and Rec fics. I remember reading a comment from you (from like 11 years ago lol) where you said you’d been writing for 14 years and you encouraged someone who was feeling bad about their own writing. Which gave me the motivation to keep writing, and made me think, how awesome must it be to be a fanfic writer for so long? This is a rambly comment to say that I’m glad you’re still writing (even if it’s not for Parks heh) and you’re a great inspiration!

(Also I’m aware this isn’t a question but I don’t really know how Tumblr works)

Well this ask officially made my year. (P.S. - Asks don't have to be questions. Especially when they're as lovely as this)

You know every once in a while I think, am I being totally ridiculous just leaving my live journal out there like that? Really, who's going out and reading stuff from over 11 years ago, except ... yeah I've totally done that myself. And I'm forever grateful for the authors who let their stuff just float along and exist. So I'm gratified to know that I did that for you today. And extremely gratified to know that I was able to give you a little motivation to keep writing. I have been doing this for over twenty years with varying levels of success and intensity as my life evolves, but I keep coming back to it, because really at the end of the day, fanfic is one of those hobbies that more than anything make me feel like me. When you find that, you owe it to yourself to hold onto it. Even if you can't do it perfectly or quickly.

I am not going to lie, I'm very sad Patchwork Heart is incomplete as well. That was an unfortunate product of life circumstances overwhelming me and by the time I paddled my way to the surface my emotional relationship with Parks had changed. But I am forever in love with the complete human disaster that was teenage Ben Wyatt in that fic.

Sooooo this isn't much, but this ask made me go back through my google docs. Here have part of a camping trip:

Griggs-Knope-Wyatt (Whatever) Family Vacation  

Hell – 375-369 days to go

Yeah, it’s official, Ben does not get camping.

At all.

Look he gave it a fair try.  But he just-  he doesn’t get it all right.  He doesn’t get what’s so fun about sleeping on the floor (”Ground,” Marlene informs him, “It’s called a ground when it’s outside, dear.") or getting so many mosquito bites, or having to make sure your food is put up in a certain way so raccoons won’t get to it.  And you know what he really doesn’t get?

Ghost stories.

He does not get ghost stories.  They’re not scary.  They’re particularly not scary if your dad is telling them.  And when your step-mom takes over and does manage to tell a scary one, well then you’re outside, in the dark . . . scared.

Oh and his tent collapses on him in the middle of the night.

Yup, okay.  Not.  Having.  Fun.

Ben just wishes he could convince himself that’s actually because of the camping.

Leslie’s been withdrawn and subdued for the past two days.  Not angry, just quiet.  He tried to talk to her yesterday morning like a dozen times, but the one time he got anywhere the fact he was trying to take the whole thing seriously only seemed to make it all worse.

He doesn’t know what to do for her.  Has the sneaking suspicion there’s actually nothing he can do.  Or at least nothing he’s willing to do.

So yeah, maybe he’s going to just lie here under the wreckage of what used to be his tent for a little while.

Except he can’t even seem to manage that, because the next thing he knows there’s the sound of footsteps and a flashlight is being shined into his eyes like an interrogation lamp.

“Benjamin?”

Ben holds up a hand to shield his eyes and squints up at the outline of his step-mother standing over him.  “Umm, hi?”

“Benjamin dear.  Your tent’s on the ground,” she informs him as though she’s not entirely sure he’s aware of this fact.  Sometimes he’s pretty sure his step-mother thinks he’s an idiot.      

“Yeah, so umm, funny story about that.  You know what it was, it-  it fell.”

The fact he always winds up saying stuff like that around her probably doesn’t help.

Marlene doesn’t respond for long moment, and even though he can’t see her face he can pretty much picture it.  It’s a face he’s pretty familiar with.  The one that says ‘I worry about your ability to dress yourself in the mornings’.

“I don’t-  I’ve never really camped,” he continues, unable to help himself.  Marlene’s silences are just about the most effective interrogation technique he’s ever encountered.  No wonder Leslie’s usually so talkative.

“I never would have guessed,” she shoots back, before adding, “Well, should I just leave the two of you alone or would you like some help putting it back up?”

“No- no, help would be good.”

There’s a long pause, then:  “Ben, dear.”

“Yeah?”

“You need to get out of the tent.”

“Oh.  Right.”

---

So in a surprising turn of events (at least in his opinion), Marlene actually turns out to be a pretty good teacher.  Like okay she isn’t the most patient person in the world, but she’s incredibly precise in her explanations of how to do things like tie a hitch-knot, and Ben’s always been more comfortable with precision over intuition, so it doesn’t take him too terribly long to catch on, and when she pats him lightly on the knee in approval, it feels like getting an A in your most demanding class from the teacher who scares the shit out of you.

All in all, Ben’s feeling kind of good about things by the time they get the tent back up, so when Marlene points out that it’s only an hour or so until sunrise and asks whether he wants to help her make coffee for breakfast, he says yes, thinking maybe things are looking up.  

Yeah, no, that was obviously just designed to lull him into a false sense of security.

“So,” Marlene opens without warning or preamble, “Leslie tells me I’m returning the Purdue sweatshirt.”

He barely manages not to tip over his cup of coffee. “Yeah, um, sorry about that.”

“Ben didn’t we talk about that? Um-”

“Is the sound in dumb.  Yeah I know.”

The look she gives him could level small countries.  Ben keeps his head down and tries not to have an aneurysm.

How does he get himself into these situations?  Really why is it sarcastic, smart-aleck things always come out of his mouth at exactly the wrong time.  It’s not like he’s trying to be a wise-ass.  He’s not really trying to be anything really.  (Except maybe invisible.  Invisible would be nice right now.)  But for some reason it happens anyway, and he can’t seem to stop it.  It’s like this leak, this crack in his personality.  Ninety-five percent of the time he manages to be exactly the kind of guy he should be, the kind he thinks Virginia Wyatt would have wanted him to be.  The kind of son his perpetually fragile father seems to need.  Quiet and polite and respectful.  But every once in awhile the pressure of keeping everything else in just gets to be too much and these little drops of acid seep through, landing where they’re not wanted and scarring once they’re there.

Except Marlene Griggs-Knope doesn’t scar that easily.

“Oh, sit up straight.  Really, Ben if you keep going through life acting like a spineless jellyfish, it won’t just be Leslie who treats you like one.”

“I don’t.” he mutters under his breath.

Only he says it to the picnic table so that probably undermines his whole protest.  He forces himself to sit up and look Marlene in the eye (Okay, it’s more like her forehead, but come on, cut him a little slack here.  Do you want to look Marlene in the eye?  Yeah, that’s what he thought.  Shut up.</i>)

“Leslie doesn’t-”

But he can’t make himself complete the thought, because . . . yeah, sometimes she kind of does.  And, shit, it’s Leslie’s mom, and Marlene’s giving him this look that clearly says ‘don’t bullshit me about my own daughter.’  Still, Leslie treats everyone like that, at least everyone important to her.  Ann gets, like, twenty-three instructions a day.  And, well, he likes it.  It’s been a really long time since anyone paid that much attention to anything he did.  It’s how he knows he’s important, that she cares.  If she ever stopped trying to micromanage his life, well then he’d just be another ordinary person on the outside, wouldn’t he?

He opens his mouth to try again, but Marlene waves his efforts away with a dismissive hand.  Oh good, apparently he’s now already used up whatever small amount patience she had allotted for him today, and it’s only, what?  Five-thirty in the morning?  This is probably some kind of new record for him.

Yaaaay . . .

At that moment from across the campsite, Leslie unzips her tent and steps out into the new dawn, only to freeze, eyes going wide, at the obviously unexpected sight of Ben sitting at the picnic table with her mother.

He tries to remember enough Morse code to blink her a S.O.S.

And any other morning it wouldn’t matter that he’s pretty sure he just looks like he’s having an epileptic fit, Leslie would have already come over and rescued him. 

Instead she just turns back around, grabs her towel and a bar soap out of the tent and trudges off to the shower facilities, leaving him alone with Marlene to fend for himself.

Okay, Leslie is officially really upset.

“She will get over it.”

At Marlene’s observation, Ben whips his head back around only to find himself pinned by his step-mother’s sharp assessing gaze.

It feels like all the oxygen just got sucked out of the . . . well, earth.

He opens his mouth to stammer out a disclaimer but only manages a strangled kind of gurgle, which Marlene, thankfully, ignores.

“Leslie is no stranger to disappointment.  She’s a very resilient girl.  Always has been.” She says it matter-of-factly and maybe even a little proudly, then immediately counterbalances it with a sigh of exasperation. “Realism, however, is unfortunately not your step-sister’s strong suit.  Particularly when it comes to people.”

Ben just presses his lips together and fiddles a little with his coffee cup, drumming his fingernails against the metal.  He’s not really sure why Marlene’s telling him all this.  Not that any of it is exactly revelation.  To know anything about Leslie is to know she puts too much faith in life in general and people in particular.

So no it’s not like he doesn’t realize Leslie’s been disappointed by people before—her father, Lindsay . . . And then suddenly it clicks with him, the why behind all of this.

People leave.

In Leslie’s world, people leave her.

For some reason he’s never thought about it before, about her history and the painful lessons life’s given her.  After all, he’s the one with the dead mother, the great tragedy that defined his entire fucking existence before he met her; that he wears like a poorly healed scar on his personality.  Leslie always seemed so untouched by comparison.

But she’s not.  He can see that now.

Because yeah, maybe his mother was ripped out his life.

But people walk out of hers.

By their own choice.

Of their own free will.

Ben drops his head to stare down at the film that’s started to form on his rapidly cooling coffee in shame as he realizes he’s been making plans to join them, to go off to college and then conscientiously extricate himself from her life, little by little, bit by bit, until he’s down to a subsistence diet.  To the bare-essentials of what he needs to survive.  Never once thinking about Leslie’s needs.

God, he is such an ass.

Marlene who has been silent for a little while, gets up to pour herself another cup of coffee, before coming over to sit back down and drop another bombshell on him.  “You know, sometimes I wonder if your father and I should have waited until after the two of you went to college to get married.”

Oh god. He feels a cold finger of dread crawl its way down his spine at her words, and suddenly all he can think is:  She knows.  She knows how he feels about her daughter, and he’s going to die.  Up here in all this outdoors, Marlene probably knows a dozen ways to kill him and make it look like an accident.  Maybe that’s why they’re camping in the first place.  Maybe this was her plan all along . . .

It’s about this time that the rest of what Marlene’s saying starts to sink in.  “—it’s not that we’re not happy you two get along so well.  After all, that’s the whole reason we decided to get married when we did.  Give all of us the chance to try to be a family.  But--” she purses her lips, and narrows her eyes, “Maybe we were a little too successful?”

And the terror’s back.  “Too successful?”

“Up until two days ago, all Leslie ever talked about was going to IU and being close to home.  She’s already learned the fight song.”  That makes him almost smile despite himself, because of course she has.  He bites the inside of his mouth just in time to stop it.  Marlene continues.  “And your father tells me you’ve been collecting brochures for out of state schools ever since the two of you moved to Indiana.  But suddenly here I am buying sweatshirts for Purdue.”

“I didn’t ask-”

Marlen waves his protest away.  “Of course you didn’t.”  Then in a seeming nonsequitor:  “Did you know Ann Perkins did Model UN all last year?”

-----

When I get a little more time I'll try to bullet point out for you where I was going.

#cy writes things #parks and rec #ben wyatt #leslie knope #leslie x ben #step-sibling au

[queerbuckleys]

GIBBS LEFT 😭😭😭

Oh I’m ill and upset but fully understanding why mark would want to leave after 18 years but as Leslie knope once said

“I…sad.”

#aj watches stuff

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Death by a Thousand Cuts - j. debrusk

Trying to venture into some new territory, let me know what you think! Title’s from the Taylor Swift song. 4.8k of post-breakup Jake DeBrusk angst, as always, I love hearing feedback! I read all the tags, so feel free to reblog, pop into my inbox, anything!

Wine pairing from someone with zero authority on the subject: a full-bodied Syrah - smooth, fruity, the kind of wine I’d want to drink if I was sad. 

My heart, my hips, my body, my love/Trying to find a part of me you didn’t touch

Shadi threw back another shot, wincing as the vodka burned down her throat. Clara rubbed her back sympathetically. “Better?” She shrugged. Alcohol was great for forgetting things, but there were some wounds too fresh and too deep for even a Sazerac to cure. And her wounds were named Jake DeBrusk.

Jake had been her everything, still was her everything, and the idea that she was somehow now in charge of forgetting everything they had shared was more than she could bear. Breakups weren’t something Shadi took lightly, and especially when she had spent the past year falling more in love with him with each breath she took. Forgetting more than a year’s worth of early-morning conversations in his bed, Jake’s hand gently brushing back her hair before kissing her temple and going out to the kitchen to start the coffee pot. Shadi couldn’t start her day without coffee. A year’s worth of games, up in the box with the other WAGs and down in the tunnel, their lips crashing together in the euphoria of a post-win high. A year’s worth of vacations, to Edmonton to visit his family and Dallas to see hers, laying on the white sand beaches of Tahiti in the summer. A year’s worth of falling asleep to him tracing lines between the freckles on her bare back in the glow of the post-sex fog. It wasn’t like she was going to forget any of it anytime soon. And if Shadi was being honest with herself, it wasn’t like she wanted to. 

---

Shadi met Jake just after moving into her new apartment with Clara, her best friend from BC, when they decided to celebrate their newfound jobs and independence with a bar crawl. As luck would have it, they never actually made it past the first one. Clara had just finished up her first week as a tenth grade English teacher, and Shadi had the weekend to relax before her marketing analytics post started on Monday. 

She wasn't going out to meet someone, not really, but if there was someone attractive enough and charming enough she wasn’t absolutely opposed to spending the night in a bed that wasn’t her own. Shadi sat at the bar, responding to a few texts and sipping her drink as she waited for Clara to return from the bathroom. She wasn’t paying enough attention to her surroundings to notice someone sidle up next to her, getting a little too close for comfort. “Hey,” he said loudly, startling her. Shadi looked up — way up, he was at least six or seven inches taller than her 5’5 — to the stranger’s face, flashing a tight smile. She didn’t know any women who particularly liked to be accosted in the middle of a drink. 

“Hey,” she said. 

He inched closer. “I’m Darren, nice to meet you.”

As much as she’d really just like to be able to tell the guy to fuck all the way off, Shadi hated that it was a far better decision for her safety and security to just try and tacitly go along with it. Let him down easy. 

“Shadi,” she responded. 

He whistled, and she internally cringed, trying as subtly as she could to look towards the bathrooms and trying to spot Clara. More than once, they had pretended to be a couple at bars to get each other out of situations exactly like this one. “Shadi,” he said, testing out the name. “What is that? Arabic? Indian?”

Now she visibly cringed, raising her eyebrows. Great, he’s racist as well as a creep. “Neither. I’m Persian.” 

“Cool, super cool,” he said, nodding. “So, Shadi, what brings you here?”

“Starting a new job next week,” she said, looking back down at her phone, trying to give him just enough information to keep him from being pissed at her. 

Darren finished his drink. “That’s cool, yeah. Good for you. I work in finance. High-level account managing and stuff. It’s a lot of responsibility, but I like the challenge.” Great, add finance bro to the list of reasons why I’ll never go home with this guy, Shadi thought. 

“Nice,” Shadi said, looking away and taking a sip of her drink and trying her damndest to make it clear she wasn’t interested. 

Darren moved even closer, his hand now resting on her waist as Shadi leaned as far away from him as she could while still staying on her seat, looking frantically around for Clara, or anyone, to bail her out. “You come here with anyone?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shadi said nervously, eyes still sweeping the room. “My boyfriend should be around here somewhere.” Darren didn’t need to know she didn’t have a boyfriend, and as much as she hated that men like him were more likely to leave her alone if they thought she was spoken for than if she told him herself she wasn’t interested, it was the best thing she could do in the moment. 

Darren took a cursory glance around the room. “I don’t see anyone coming,” he noted. “You sure about that, Shadi?

“Yes,” she squeaked, as his hand tightened around her waist and she froze like a deer in headlights, too stiff to flag down the bartender.

“It’s polite to look at people when they’re talking to you, or did they not teach that where you’re from?” 

Shaking, she turned back to look at him. “I’m from Texas,” she spat. 

“I think we could really have some fun together, if you’d just stop being so uptight we could really—” Darren didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, his arm being forcefully removed from her waist. She swung around, meeting the eyes of her unknown savior, who was too busy glaring at the man across from her to even meet her eyes. 

“Seems like you’re having a hard time taking no for an answer,” he said. 

Darren looked up, rubbing his wrist from where it had been in a vice grip only moments before. “You the boyfriend?”

The other man didn’t even flinch. “Yeah, I’m the boyfriend. Even if I wasn’t, she clearly doesn’t want anything to do with you, but she’s just too polite to tell you to fuck off. Luckily,” he smirked. “I’m not.”

Darren rolled his eyes, grabbing his half-empty glass and inching away from the bar. “Whatever. Wouldn’t have been worth it anyways.” 

Shadi collapsed into her hands as soon as he was out of earshot, breathing shakily. The stranger reached out tentatively, rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. “You okay?”

She leaned back, taking another drink and nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be okay, it’s not like it’s the first time this has happened. He just really didn’t want to leave me alone and I couldn’t find my friend and he didn’t seem to be getting the message that I wasn’t interested.” 

He grimaced. “On behalf of my entire gender, I apologize for all the shitty men you have ever had to encounter.”

“Thank you,” she said, laughing slightly and setting her glass back down on the bar. “And thanks for stepping in, you really didn’t have to.”

He shook his head. “I just did what any decent guy would do. I’ve got a sister, girls deserve to feel safe in bars.”

“Regardless,” she added, “I appreciated it. And just so you know,” she said, pausing, “you don’t have to worry about an actual boyfriend coming around. I’ve just found it’s the easiest way for guys to leave me alone.” Shadi surprised herself; she wasn’t normally this bold. 

He dipped his head. “Good to know. Probably should properly introduce myself, then. Jake DeBrusk,” he said, sticking his hand out. 

“Shadi Azizi.” She shook it, smirking slightly as she took a sip of her drink. “I know.” 

He smiled bashfully, scratching his head. “Hockey fan?” 

She nodded. “I’ll go to Bruins games when I can make it, but I’m from Dallas, so…” she shrugged. 

“You’ve already sold your soul to the Stars,” Jake finished. 

Shadi laughed. “Yep. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl.”

Jake eyed her glass, seeing that she was nearly finished. “Can I get you another?” Shadi nodded after a moment. “Sure.” He caught the bartender’s eye. “What are you drinking?” “Whiskey on the rocks.” Jake leaned back on his stool, clutching his hands over his chest. “A woman after my own heart.”

---

Three months later, it was November, and Shadi was in Jake’s kitchen, doling out Chinese takeout onto two plates. “Beer?” she asked over the counter, to where Jake was flopped on the couch, flipping through channels in hopes of finding something mildly interesting to watch.

“Yes please,” he shot back. He had just gotten back from a road trip that afternoon, eleven days in the Midwest, and there were few things he wanted more than to be back in Shadi’s arms. They had started a sort of unspoken tradition; Shadi had taken to spending the night whenever Jake came back from a road trip, and he wasn’t about to start complaining. He loved his job and he loved his team, but after a week or two of being around them practically 24/7, he didn’t want to waste any time getting back to her. 

Shadi padded back towards the living room, sliding a plate of lo mein and fried rice over to Jake, who leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “Thanks, babe,” he said, putting the remote down. “Parks and Rec good with you?”

She nodded, mouth full. “Doesn’t take much to convince me. I’d kill a man for Leslie Knope.”

Jake laughed. Shadi looked over at him, one eyebrow raised. “You think I’m joking?”

He held his free hand up in mock surrender, the other balancing his plate on the arm of the couch. “I should have known better. Will you ever forgive me?”

“Maybe,” Shadi said, scrunching up her nose. “I think I can find it somewhere deep in the recesses of my cold, dead heart.” 

Things between Jake and Shadi had gotten pretty serious pretty quickly, certainly more quickly than Jake was expecting. But, as he was realizing, that wasn’t exactly a bad thing. The scene was definitely more domestic than he was used to; it wasn’t unusual for him and Shadi to join some of their friends or the team for a night out at the bars or clubs, but it was just as common to have an evening in. It was nice, being together like this. Domesticity was never something that was quite his style, but as he thought, looking over at Shadi, who was entirely engrossed in Leslie’s valiant attempts to control a town hall meeting, maybe it could become his style.

You said it was a great love, one for the ages/But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

It was the end of January, and Shadi was in Edmonton. Jake had told her about Boston’s bye week about two months earlier, the plan having originally been to drive up to New Hampshire for a week of camping in White Mountain. But then Jake had been selected for the All-Star Team, much to his surprise — not Shadi’s, who had been convinced he’d be picked practically since the season started —  and their schedule had been turned on its head. He had decided that it would make more sense to visit his family. Shadi didn’t complain; she had just started to get used to Boston winters, and wasn’t confident in her ability to go a week in a tent in the middle of January.

What surprised her, though, was when he invited her to come with him. She had never met his parents in person before. Over FaceTime, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Jake was initially very shy about extending the invitation, almost as if he wasn’t sure if that was something she wanted or was ready for. His concern was sweet, but Shadi was more touched that he had asked her to come in the first place, and put in her request for vacation time that night. 

The flight wasn’t much over six hours, a short layover in Montréal and one connection later and they landed in Edmonton. Shadi met up with Jake just outside of passport control, pulling her pea coat tightly around herself. “Ooh,” she said, breathing out shakily. “Bit chilly here, no?”

Jake laughed. Oh, if only she knew. “Wait till you get outside, babe. It’s January in the middle of Alberta.”

“How bad can it get?” Shadi asked naively. Pretty bad, as she found out the moment they stepped outside the terminal into the freezing air. She was suddenly very grateful her parka was in her bag, a Patagonia jacket that had been one of her first big purchases when she moved to Boston. Jake was having a very good fun time poking fun at her in the three minutes it took for his parents to pull up. 

“Aww, is my Texas girl cold? Is she having trouble dealing with real weather?”

Shadi glared at him. “Shut up.”

His parents were incredible, kind and welcoming from the moment they picked them up at the airport. They drove them back to Jake’s childhood home, where his sister greeted her with a hug. She had visited Boston a few weeks prior, her and Shadi immediately getting along thanks to their shared taste in coffee orders and music. They had swapped Spotify playlists more than one time since her visit. 

The week she spent in Edmonton was amazing. Even though she may have been a little bit apprehensive from the start, all of her worries were just distant memories by the time they had to get back on the plane. She had always been good with parents; whether it was her best friend or her boyfriend, they had always liked her. Making a good impression and being unfailingly respectful, especially to her elders, was a value that had been instilled in her from a young age. She had brought a tin of qurabiya on the plane as a gift for them, after a half-dozen Google searches to make sure she could bring them across the border and a twenty minute long phone call with her mom to make sure she was using the right type of almonds. They loved them, and seeing the tin already empty on the third day of her trip filled her heart.

“She’s really good for you, you know,” his mom said, as he was packing his suitcase for the flight back. “You’re still you, fun and spontaneous and caring. But you’re a more mature, thoughtful version of yourself. And I think that’s thanks to Shadi.”

Jake blushed, shoving his toothbrush in his toiletry bag. “She is. She’s great, Mom. We have so much fun together, and she really does bring out the best in me.” He paused for a moment. “I think I’m in love with her.”

His mom raised her eyebrows, not surprised and certainly not disappointed, but a little astonished that he had realized himself what she saw from the moment they had landed in Canada. She had just been waiting for him to admit it. “You do?” she asked, a hint of a smile on her face.

He nodded, more sure this time. “I’m in love with her, Mom.”

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand/Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

“You doing okay, babe?” Clara asked gently, one hand on Shadi’s back as she nursed her third beer of the night. Shadi reached up to try and wipe away her tears. Thank God she hadn’t worn any mascara. She nodded, trying to flash her best friend a smile, but it didn’t meet her eyes. 

Shadi hadn’t ever been the kind of person to put up walls. That was Jake’s thing. But she was a great actress, and if Clara hadn’t known her as well as she did, she wouldn’t have been able to call her on it. 

“Bullshit, Shadi. You’re not fine and I know it. You know it.” God, Clara could read her like a book. It wasn’t okay, she wasn’t okay, and she sure as hell wasn’t over him. She didn’t know when she would be over him. If ever. 

They said that Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it burned in one. If Rome was a metaphor for their relationship, Shadi would say there’s never been a more accurate phrase. All it took was five minutes for Jake to break her heart, for the world they had built together to come crumbling apart around her. As much as she hated it, there was still a part of her that couldn’t help but try to look back on that night. Shadi almost called bullshit on him the moment he said he was breaking up with her, because he had never even brought it up before, and that’s not something you just drop on someone like he did, right? But she didn’t, she hadn’t gotten closure and hadn’t gotten a reason, an actual reason, and so any curly hair she saw out of the corner of her eye that night she kept hoping was Jake’s, and any cocky smile from some guy trying to buy her a drink — she’d let them, for the free alcohol, but they never got a conversation out of her — she kept wishing was his. 

---

It was September, and Shadi felt like she was walking on air. She and Jake had celebrated their one year anniversary a month ago, and things couldn’t be going better. Training camp for the new season had started, which had begun to take up more of his time than she maybe would have liked, but she was dealing with it. They both were. It was like Shadi had told him two months into their relationship, and countless times since: she knew what she was signing up for, knew that sometimes she would have to take a backseat to hockey, and she was okay with that. Having Jake some of the time was better than not having him at all. 

So when Jake had texted her that morning, asking if she was free to come over that night, she thought nothing of it. Well, scratch that, she thought a lot of it. It had been about two weeks since they had had a proper date night; while she loved him sneaking into her apartment to sleep for a few hours before he had to get up or meeting in the mornings for coffee and bagels, they were in desperate need of some alone time. Jake hadn’t exactly been distant since their anniversary, but it had definitely seemed like something was on his mind. And when she asked Clara, or her older sister Yasmin, or Hannah, her best friend in Houston, they all said the same thing. If nothing seemed like it was going wrong, but he was seeming distant, but they were still communicating, then there was really only one possibility, at least according to them. He was going to propose. 

So Shadi took a little longer in front of the mirror, put on her good jeans instead of just a pair of sweats, ran a comb through her hair. She grabbed her car keys, locking the door to her apartment and nervously pressing on the elevator button. Why was she nervous? She was in love with Jake. She saw a future with him, a future together. If tonight was going to be the start of forever, there was nothing to be afraid of. I wonder what Jake’s doing now, Shadi thought. Was he waiting for her on the couch? Trying to cook pasta, the only dinner he could reliably make without burning? Pacing back and forth in his room, turning over the ring box in his hand? The ring. What did it look like? Did he buy it new, or was it a family heirloom? Did he ask any of the guys on the team for tips, or did — Stop it, Shadi reminded herself. He doesn’t have to be proposing. We do nights in almost every week. Maybe he just wants to watch a movie. But in the back of her mind, as she pulled out of the parking garage, was the possibility that she was about to walk into one of the most important nights of her life. And it was, but not in the way she thought. Not in the way she wanted. 

Jake’s place was only ten minutes away from hers; before she even knew it, she was killing the engine and walking up the stairs to his door. She tapped her knuckles against the wood. It was barely ten seconds before Jake opened it up, smiling at her.  “Hey, thanks for coming over,” he said, leading her into the living room and pressing a kiss against her cheek, lingering a little longer than usual 

Shadi knew something was off even as they sat on the couch thirty minutes later, Star Wars playing on the screen in front of them. If she was being honest, she knew something was wrong from the moment she got there. Jake was acting stuff, not distant, but almost confused. LIke he had something on his mind that he couldn’t quite spit out. And it didn’t seem like a proposal. “Alright,” Shadi said, huffing and propping herself up on one arm to face Jake. “What’s up.”

To his credit, he didn’t mince words, didn’t play dumb. He knew better than to insult her intelligence like that, and she knew better than to believe him. “You noticed, huh?”

She rolled her eyes. “I love you for a lot of reasons, J, but you really do have a terrible poker face.”

Jake sighed, running a hand through his hair, leaving a piece hanging in front of his eye. “Alright,” he said, in that kind of I-know-what-I-need-to-say-but-I-don’t-want-to-say-it tone, the one that she wasn’t expecting. The one that never means good news. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on my life, our lives over the past thirteen months we’ve been together, and I’ve loved every minute of the time that we’ve spent together.” Okay, Shadi furrowed her brows, where’s he going with this? “I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about my priorities in life, where they are right now and where I think they should be. And I’ve realized that,” he swallowed, “I’m at a place in my life where I need to be focusing on hockey.” Oh no. “And I don’t think I’m in a position where I can have a relationship and be as invested in my career as I need to be.” Oh God. 

Shadi sat up, stunned. “Are you...Are you breaking up with me?” 

Jake nodded his head jerkily. “And I want you to know that I don’t regret anything about our relationship. I don’t have anything bad to say about you, or the time we’ve spent together, or anything. I just don’t think I’m able to give you, or our relationship, the attention it deserves. You deserve someone who’s going to be able to dedicate a hundred percent to you, and as much as I wish I could, I don’t think I’m that person.”

“So, you’re saying I’m a distraction?” Shadi asked slowly, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. 

Jake ran a hand through his hair, tangling his fingers in his curls. “Fuck. No. That’s not it. I just don’t know if I’m in a place where I’m able to juggle two things that are so important, and that I want to dedicate this much time to.” 

She scoffed. “Are you really trying to pull the whole ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line with me, DeBrusk?” That stung. She never called him by his last name, not even when they started dating. It was J, or babe, or even Jake if she was particularly annoyed, but never just DeBrusk. 

“Would it make you feel better if I was?” 

Shadi shook her head. “It’s worse. Don’t you know that it’s worse? Because then there’s not anything I feel like I could have done differently. Nothing I could have done to change your mind.” Her eyes drifted down to her right hand, where the gorgeous pearl ring Jake had gotten her for their anniversary just a month prior sat on her ring finger. “You said you were going to marry me one day,” Shadi said, sliding her fingertips down to the band and gently twisting it off. Her hand felt bare, even though it had only been there for a month. Jake’s breath caught in his throat. Never make a promise you can’t keep. 

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

God, sometimes Shadi just felt so fucking stupid. She almost felt naive, shortsighted from not listening to her friends in Boston, or people back home who warned her about Jake.“You know his reputation. You know how hockey players are” Shadi couldn’t count the number of times people had told her that, and the number of times she hadn’t listened. “He doesn’t stick with any one girl.” “I know you like him, but he’s only going to break your heart.” But the thing was, he hadn’t. Jake had made it clear, straight from the start of their relationship, that they were exclusive, and he backed it up. She wore his jersey to games, went as his date to all the Bruins fundraisers, and took the week off to come with him when he was selected for the All-Star Game. Jake knew his reputation better than anyone, and that’s why he was so committed to making sure she knew that he wasn’t the kind of guy everyone kept trying to peg him as. And Shadi had never felt so much pride then when she was able to turn around, prove them wrong, and say: “You see? He’s never done anything to hurt me, and he’s not about to start now.” 

But she couldn’t, not anymore. She couldn’t, because they all had been right and he had broken his promises and her heart and now she was crying in a bar with her best friend on a Friday night and had no clue how to get a grip of her feelings. She pounded back another beer, barely even stopping to swallow before ordering a fourth round. Or was it a fifth? She didn’t know, and at that point, she really didn’t care. 

I get drunk, but it's not enough/’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

Sometime past one but before her next door neighbor’s chihuahua always started barking at two, Shadi stumbled into her apartment. She unstrapped her heels and placed them haphazardly by the door as she walked down to the bathroom, reaching around the cupboard for her toothpaste. Teeth were brushed and flossed, and she had shed nearly all of her clothes by the time she reached her bed. She grabbed the nearest sweatshirt to pull over her body as makeshift pajamas, only half paying attention. Shadi was too tired to look too closely; if she had, she would have noticed that it was a Bruins hoodie, the very first one Jake had ever given to her, a month and a half into their relationship. 

It seemed like Shadi had barely drifted off to sleep when she was woken up by the sound of frantic knocks on her door. Her first thought was something was wrong with Clara, who lived down the hall, that she wasn’t feeling well or needed to be talked out of texting her ex-girlfriend. It had happened before. But then she realized that Clara would have called first. Then her thought was a fire somewhere, but she didn’t smell smoke and her alarm hadn’t gone off. The knocking persisted. “Okay, okay, I’m coming. You’re going to wake up the whole building,” Shadi grumbled, throwing back the covers and padding out to the living room, pants be damned. 

She tried to wipe the sleep out of her eyes, the harsh light of the hallway fluorescents the first thing she noticed as the door swung open. The second thing was the person standing in front of it. It was Jake. His hand was frozen in the air, like he was about to knock for a fourth time if she hadn’t answered. “What are you doing here?” she whispered, her voice small. She didn’t trust it to speak any louder. 

Jake’s breath hitched as he noticed what she was wearing. His sweatshirt. He stuffed his hand into his jeans pocket, pulling out her pearl ring. The same one she had taken off the day he left, the same one he had given her when his thoughts of the future were filled with big houses and weddings and kids’ birthday parties. He held it out to her. “I had to see you.”

#hockey imagine #hockey smut #nhl imagine #nhl smut #jake debrusk #boston bruins #hockey #hockey imagines #hockey writing #nhl #nhl imagines #nhl writing

[marvul-imagines]

Work In Progress - a Parks & Rec Fic ‘

(Items written in italics are being spoken to the camera)

Ember Holloway stood in front of the window behind her desk, which sat within the Government Building of Pawnee, Indiana. She stared outside, past the reflection of her brown eyes, past the grey of her blazer, the world and noise behind her fading away as she stared through that glass barricade that kept her from falling down to the ground below. Some days, she had to press her hands to the cool glass just to remind herself it was really there. That she was really there. Today was one of those days. She pressed her palms flat against the glass and closed her eyes for a moment. But only a moment. Because she couldn't ignore the flash of light that had caught before she closed her eyes. She opened them again and looked down at the ring on her finger. The ring that held so much weight for such a small thing.

She closed her eyes again and she was pulled back, back, back. Her body seemed to leave the space completely, as if she weren't in her office at all, as if she weren't in this time at all. As if it were no longer April Ludgate's birthday party, but in fact was several years ago. She could feel the spring breeze on her bare shoulders and could remember where she was when she heard the crash. She opened her eyes again and shook her head. Today was budget meeting day. She didn't have time to be sucked into one of her dark places today. She turned around and caught sight of the camera outside of her office door, watching her. She hated that Ron had approved this idea all those years back, hated that her life was constantly being filmed. But this was where she was now. She had been used to it for far too long.

Ember Holloway was unequivocally the scariest woman to work in the Parks and Recreation department. Probably the scariest woman who worked in government in this small town, if not in all of Indiana. She hadn't always been that way, but she sure was now. With her power suits and long, always perfectly waved brown hair, eyes that could narrow to slits, and heels that could probably stab a man, she could go toe to toe with anyone in this building and never back down. That's what happens to a person when they lose all the things they love so quickly. Now, the things that Ember had left were minimized to one : her job. And so she did what everyone who lost the most important things did. She sunk her heels in and fought, kicking and screaming. Now, she was so deeply invested that she couldn't think about not investing everything into her work. It was what she did.

It helped that Ember was partners with someone like Leslie Knope. Leslie was also deeply passionate about her job, but in a much more...enthusiastic way. She was one of the few happy people that Ember tolerated being around. Perhaps that was because Leslie had been there with her from the start. With Ron's help, they had molded this department to be what it was today. So Leslie got to stay, even when Ember pushed everyone else out. And she knew Leslie would be waiting for her, with Ron, outside of those doors, ready as ever to go present at the meeting. Ember would let her present for the both of them, as she always did. The less talking she had to do, the better.

The thirty three year old brushed her long, brown hair over her shoulder and grabbed a notepad from her desk. If she wasn't going to participate verbally with whatever her partner was about to announce at this yearly meeting, she might as well take notes on what the reactions were. She liked taking notes, always had. It was something she was rather quite good at. She would take her notes, she would type them and email them to Leslie, and save them in the file she always did. Then she would leave the office today and walk out to the Lot she and Leslie had been working on for so long and dream of her plans she had for that space once again. That was how she made herself feel like she was the calm in the storm.

I am only doing this because Leslie asked me to, Ember stares into the camera with her narrow eyes. You know I don't like doing these things. Whatever you want to call this. Our little back and forths. She motioned back and forth between herself and the man behind the camera. It was true, she didn't. They rarely got her in front of the camera.

Why don't you try talking about it? It might help The cameraman said quietly. He almost never spoke to her either, that wasn't his job. But after seeing all the trouble she had gone through these past few years, it felt wrong not saying something to her.

She stared at him for a moment, eyes widening slightly, unblinking. No she said finally, standing up and turning away, walking off down the hall as quickly as her heels would allow. This interview is over.

Leslie and Ron were waiting for her inside the meeting room, and Leslie had saved her a seat, of course. The blonde patted the open chair enthusiastically, a large binder sitting in her lap. "You almost missed the start of it!" She hissed when Ember sat down beside her.

Ember nodded as if she knew this, as if that were her plan all along really. "Your camera crew friends stopped me. You can blame them." She nodded towards the other set of crew that stood off to the side, filming them even now. Talk about electronic leash. That was why she refused to participate in their games. She didn't have time. This was work, after all.

"Alright, alright, now that everyone is here," the chairman looked at Ember pointedly. "I know that the typical process we have is for everyone to announce how they plan to allocate their money this fiscal year." He sighed, shaking his head as he looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with Leslie in particular. Yea, Ember could tell this meeting wasn't going to go the way Leslie wanted it to. "Due to the crippling gridlock currently going on in City Council, we are postponing all spending and decisions indefinitely."

Ember sat quietly, calmly, even though she felt her heart lurch into her throat internally. All spending and planning? How was she supposed to run recreation events without spending? She and Leslie had so many plans for this year, so many things they wanted to get done. Her hands clenched to fists in her lap but she didn't speak. She didn't have to.

"Um, until when?" Leslie asked, finally gaining the man's eye. He had known this was coming - he must have known. Anyone who interacted with the Parks department knew that Leslie and Ember were an unstoppable duo when it came to accomplishing what they wanted. One of them would have spoke up, today just wasn't Ember's day. It was Leslie's time to ask the questions they all wanted to know the answers to.

"As I said, indefinitely," the Chairman replied, with a deep sigh, a frown creasing the weathered skin on his cheeks. He was getting old, too old for the likes of this. He didn't want to debate against these two women. He didn't really want to debate against anyone, but they genuinely scared him.

“And when will that end exactly?” Ember asked, hand raised demurely as if she had no intent to cause such a disruption but had a question she simply had to get off of her chest. He looked to her and visibly shuddered. This was when Ember was at her most terrifying. When she could practically guilt anyone into doing what she asked of them, whether she actually cared about their guilt or not.

“Well, it’ll be later than now,” he said after a moment. “Here’s the deal. Being completely open with all of you, our town is bordering on a full blown crisis. The state government is sending a team from Indianapolis all the way out here to try and fix this problem that we can’t quite seem to dig ourselves out of.”

Ember narrowed her eyes for a moment, a million thoughts running through her head all at one time. A team? A team getting to decide her portion of the year’s budget? That could be good or bad. Perhaps it would be people she could wrap around her finger so her and Leslie’s plans didn’t get ruined. But more likely, they would hack and slash at their ideas until there was nothing left except for a bake sale. Ember hated bake sales.

Finally, without another word, she stood up and left the room. She could hear the rest of them all burst into a chorus of questions as she left, and she was rather glad she wasn’t there to stand inside the chaos.

——————————————————————————————————————-————

Ember sat in her office, through which she could see Leslie arguing with Ron. Well, she probably wasn’t actually arguing, Ember mused. She was probably just passionately debating how terrible the announcement had been for their department. That seemed more like Leslie anyways. But Ember couldn’t imagine Ron gave two shits about the auditors coming.

Next thing she knew, Leslie was exiting the room, sad look ok her face, eying Ember through the window. She shook her head with a sad no. Whatever her talk was with Ron, it didn’t go well. Ember wasn’t exactly surprised, but she wasn’t going to say that.

“We’re waiting,” Leslie popped her head into Ember’s office, which was right next to her own. “Ron says we’re waiting until they show up. And that we’re not to fight anyone when they do.”

“Ron never lets us fight anyone,” Ember replied back flatly. “It’s probably because he knows we would win.” She glanced up at Leslie as she said this, and saw a smile crack against the blonde woman’s face, which had been entirely her goal. Ember hated seeing Leslie sad. She hated seeing most people sad, because it felt like things would start leaking from her own cracks she kept so carefully covered, but especially so with her teammate.

So Leslie went to her office, and Ember remained in hers, and they waited. Ember worked, still laying out plans, still contacting other branch members, as if today were a normal day. She needed to feel like today was a normal day. And in a little while, Ron called them out to the center office.

“Paul just called,” Ron announced, clapping his hands together. “The auditors are on their way!” He sounded excited, which caused Ember to roll her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest. She didn’t want him to be happy. Ember never did well with people who were too happy.

She turned to Ron to tell him to tone it down a bit, when suddenly a cheery “Hello hello!” came from the doorway, so she turned that way instead. Two men, both brunette, strode briskly into the room, the first with a large grin on his face. Too large. What had Ember just been saying about happy people? Oh yea, that she didn't enjoy them altogether that much.

Both men were wearing suits, the enthusiastic one's front button undone, and the one behind him approaching with more caution, suit jacket buttoned, carrying a small, brown briefcase. All of their hopes and dreams for this department were held in that briefcase. "Hello! My name is Chris, Chris Traegar. And this is my associate, Ben," he thumbed back towards the more quiet man behind him. Ember's gaze flicked over them, as if she were auditing them, instead of the other way around. She had the kind of gaze that could make a man so uncomfortable he might turn and walk out of the room. It was a gaze that April, in many a one-on-one with the camera people, had noted she aspired to produce some day.

"Hello Gents, welcome to our office. I'm Ron Swanson," Ron said, extending his hand out to shake Chris's. However, Chris did not shake his hand. Instead, he held up one finger and pointed directly at the bristling mustache on Ron's face and repeated his name back to him. "Alright then," Ron said, lowering his hand and shrugging.

"And who are these two wonderful women?" Chris asked, turning his gaze to Leslie and Ember.

Ember raised one eyebrow at him while Leslie introduced herself. "I'm Ember Holloway," she said after Leslie had said her own name. "I'm Recreation. She's Parks," she nodded towards Leslie, not taking her narrowed eyes off of him.

"Recreation," he pointed at her, then turned and pointed to Leslie. "And Parks! Parks and Recreation! Look at that. That's lovely. Wow. It is just fantastic to be here! Don't you think Ben?" Ben nodded slowly, eyes shifting around the room as he studied the place. He had kind eyes, Ember noted. It was a shame he was about to attempt such a hellish job.

"Would you like a tour?" Leslie asked enthusiastically. Leslie and Ember had quite different ways of approaching things, and Leslie's was always that one could catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. Ember's was usually that if you were going to kill the flies anyways, the method didn't much matter.

"Wow, a tour? Would I ever," Chris replied with an equally matched level of enthusiasm. Ember thought she might vomit in her mouth. She glanced at Ben, noting he looked just as equally uncomfortable. Good. Let him be. She didn't want these men to settle in. She wanted to chase them out. "There is quite literally nothing I would rather have," Chris continued. "Than a tour of the Parks and Recreation department in the great, lovely city of Pawnee, Indiana, led by Ron Swanson, Leslie Knope, and Ember Holloway. Ben?"

"I don't think that's a great idea," Ben muttered quietly, trying to get Chris to calm down at least a little bit. Yet, it was to no avail. When Chris got going, it was difficult to stop him.

"Let's do it!" Chris clapped his hands together. Ember sighed. She did not get up from her desk for this. She certainly would not be leading nor participating in any tour of the place she worked. She backed up, moving away from the group, letting Leslie take the lead and proceed to show him around. She could wait until it was time to actually talk. Until the important things were actually happening. After all, she needed to sharpen her words and ensure they cut deep so these men would leave her and her department alone.

So when they were done, Chris and Leslie gathered everyone to the center of their department space. Ember stood, one eyebrow raised, hip cocked, arms crossed over her chest, in full attempt to make herself appear as intimidating as possible. That was her role here - the scary one. She didn't care that sometimes it meant people moved to the other side of the hall when she was walking towards them. She liked being avoided. She liked avoiding others. It worked out, really, shutting down and being cold. Calculated.

"Alright everyone," Chris clapped his hands together again, looking to everyone individually as he spoke. "We are here from the State Budget Office, all the way from Indianapolis." Ember studied him, then Ben, who stood half-leaning against a desk behind him, eyes on his hands. He was the one to watch. The quiet ones always were. If he were smart, he would have noticed that about her, too.

"I know that sounds spooky and scary, and you're probably all wondering what that means," Chris continued to explain, gesticulating as he talked. He talked with his hands, a lot. "We're just here to tinker with your budget, that's all. Think of this government as a broken down carousel ride. That's no fun! We're going to slap on some new paint, fix those dead lightbulbs, patch up that broken speaker system, and we're going to get those happy, deserving kids back up on those horses where they belong! Okay?" Ember traced her eyes to Ben again. He was staring up at the ceiling now, still in silence, thinking to himself. She didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Okay!" Everyone said together with various nervous chuckles and laughs. They felt slightly more relieved, knowing they weren't about to lose their jobs today. Ember didn't speak, she just watched, as she so often did. Because, no, she wasn't okay with any of this.

"Well, that's just great," Chris smiled, nodding enthusiastically. "Well then, my partner Ben is going to stick around for a little bit and chat, but I will see you all later!" And with that, he practically power-walked out of the office's double doors. Yea. Bad sign. Ember sighed, rolling her eyes, not caring who saw her disdain. This all spelled bad news. She didn't want to talk to this guy, not at all. He was going to be a problem causer, the bulldozer, she was certain of it.

And that was when Ben finally looked down, his eyes meeting hers. He blinked, twice, surprised that she was staring back at him with such an intensity. "Do you have a second?" he asked finally, grabbing his briefcase and nodding towards one of the conference rooms.

"For you? No, no I don't," Ember said, turning on her heel to head back towards the solitude of her office. She was stopped by a hard yank on her arm, looking down to see Ron Swanson's hand firmly resting in the crook of it, holding her into place. She sighed, shaking her head at him. This meeting looked like something she was going to have to suffer through after all.

I don't usually make a habit of getting involved in anyone's personal business. In fact, I strongly make every effort to avoid it, Ron explained to the camera, before he nodded towards a set of glass windows, through which they could all see Ember standing at the water dispenser, filling up her black bottle. But I have chosen to make an exception for Ember. And that's only because she is a bigger pain in the ass than I am. And anyone who is that much of a pain in the ass has to be dealing with some serious shit.

#parks and rec #parks and rec fic #parks and rec fanfic #ben wyatt #ben wyatt fanfic

[myownsuperintendent]

New Fic: “Take Me to Your Leader” (Part Two)

It’s 2037, and Leslie Knope has just been sworn in as President of the United States, only to find her inaugural address followed by an alien invasion.  For help, she and Ben call on two experts–retired FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully–and the four team up to defeat the alien threat.  Parks and Recreation/The X-Files crossover, rated T.  Also here at Ao3.

This is my first crossover, my first Parks and Recreation fic, and one of my longest fics ever, and it’s been a lot of fun to write!  Tons of thanks to @emilysim for giving me the idea to focus on the colonization–you are the best and pushed me to actually write this.  Also tagging @how-i-met-your-mulder and @xv12 who have been very supportive of this story.

I’m splitting this into two posts because it’s long.  Part One is here.

.....

Scully climbed out of the car as soon as Mulder stopped it, hurrying to hug her son.  “Jackson!” she said.  “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m glad you guys are okay too,” he said, hugging her back.  He hugged Mulder too, once he got out of the car.  “And the kid?”

“She’s safe.  She’s at the White House,” Scully said.  “What are you doing here?  Why were you in a hole in the ground?”

“Oh, this is our secure space,” Jackson said.  “We’ve been working on it for a while.  In case something like this happened.”  The woman who’d appeared along with him came forward then, and Jackson took her hand.  “This is Marina.  I’ve told you about Marina, right?”

Scully had known that there was such a person as Marina, and that she was Jackson’s girlfriend, but that was about all she could say.   “Sure,” she said.  “It’s nice to meet you, Marina.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Marina said.  “Jackson’s told me a lot about you both.”  She looked around.  “We should probably get back underground right now.  We don’t know who could be coming, and the car’s not exactly unobtrusive.”

“We can’t stay very long,” Mulder said, even as the four of them started following Jackson and Marina back towards the hole.  “We’re on our way to Lake Michigan.  To try to develop a vaccine.”

“Just until the area clears out,” Jackson said.  “They won’t stay in one place too long.  Why’d you bring the president?”

“Well, we’re working together,” Scully said.  “Skinner told her about us, and she called us in for help.”

“Maybe the government’s dealing with this better than we thought they would,” Jackson said, grinning at her.

The hole had a ladder leaning down into it, and all of them climbed in quickly.  Scully didn’t know what she’d expected to find inside, but it certainly wasn’t what she saw, which was some odd combination of studio apartment (well-furnished living area), 1950s bomb shelter (large amount of canned food), and laboratory (set-up of advanced computers). Marina, the last down the ladder, pressed a button, and a cover slid into place over the hole.  “Welcome,” she said.

“This place is…” Scully said.  She wasn’t sure what to say.

“We’ve been working on it for a while,” Jackson said.  “I know it’s seemed safe, these past years, but with everything that happened before…I mean, you never know, right?  You guys get it.”

“You’ve done a good job,” Mulder said, looking around approvingly.   “I think he’s our kid, Scully.”  She could have rolled her eyes, but she just laughed, out of relief or surprise or adrenaline or a mix of them all.

“Really, Marina should get most of the credit,” Jackson said, putting his arm around her.

“We both had the idea,” Marina said.

“But you’re the one who really figured out how to do it,” Jackson said.  “She’s a lot more organized than I am.  Doesn’t take much.”  She grinned at him.

“Whoever put that food area together did a great job,” Leslie said, wandering back from examining the shelves.  “It’s a good selection.   Very nutritionally sound.  And there are good breakfast options.”  She held out a hand to Jackson.  “Hi.  I’m Leslie Knope.”

“Yeah, we got that,” Jackson said, shaking her hand.  “I’m Jackson.  Nice to meet you.”

“You too!” Leslie said, beaming.  “You’re Mulder and Scully’s son?”

“Yeah, basically,” Jackson said.  “Anyway, you should all feel free to crash here for a little bit.  We’ve got plenty of food.”

“And we’ve been tracking the aliens,” Marina said, gesturing to the computer, “and it’s like Jackson said.  They don’t stay in one place that long.  They tend to move on once they’ve…well, once enough people in the area are infected.  So you should be able to move on by the morning, anyway.  And we can help you figure out the best route to avoid them.”

“Thank you for this,” Leslie said.  “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.”

“It’s fine, really,” Jackson said.

As they settled in, exploring the shelter, Scully joined Marina, who was looking at something on the computer.  “This really is an incredible space,” she said.

“Thanks,” Marina said.  “We’ve worked hard on it.”

“Jackson hasn’t told us that much about you,” Scully said.  She felt she should try to get to know Marina, even if this was an odd situation to do it in.  “How did the two of you meet?”

“Oh, we met online,” Marina said.

“On a dating site?” Scully asked.  That didn’t really seem like Jackson’s thing.

“No, on a site for people who’ve had personal experience with the paranormal,” Marina said.  That made a lot more sense.  “We’d had some similar experiences, so we started talking.  Then we met up and…well, here we are.”

“How long have you been working on this place?” Scully asked.

“A couple of years,” Marina said.

Scully sighed.  “Jackson,” she called across the space, “why don’t you tell me and Mulder anything?”

“I tell you lots of things,” Jackson said.  “What things don’t I tell you?”

“Well, Marina tells me you’ve been together for some years now,” Scully said, “and you’ve barely told us anything about her.”

“I guess I forgot.”

“Flattering,” Marina said.

“Well, I figured you guys would meet sometime,” Jackson said, “and then Marina could tell you herself.  Like she’s doing, apparently.”  He turned back to showing Mulder some sort of water-filtration device.   Leslie and Ben were examining the canned food again.

“So…well, where are you from?” Scully asked.  She wished she could think of something less banal.

“Near LA, originally,” Marina said.  Then she smiled.  “Look, we could just talk about the aliens.  I know it’s what we’re both thinking about.”

Scully smiled back.  “Sure, we could do that.  You said you’re tracking them?”

“Yes,” Marina said, opening a page on the computer screen.  “I’ve got a system of alerts set up, for whenever they’re seen somewhere—so long as people report it, which they usually do, online or wherever.  And then it follows their progress.  It’s not as good as I would like it to be—I wish we could have some actual surveillance—but it’ll do for now.”

“No, this is great,” Scully said, looking at the computer.  “It’s going to be really helpful.”

“And we’ve got it so people can view it online,” Marina said.  “Hopefully it’ll keep some people safe, anyway.”

“What made you…how did you learn about the aliens?” Scully asked.  “If I can ask.”

“Sure, you can ask,” Marina said.  “I’m…well, I don’t know all the details, even though I’ve looked into it as much as I can.  But as far as I know, my biological mother, she was an abductee.  And I’m from one of the hybridization programs.  The one from the 90s.  So I’m…well…”   She flicked her ponytail to the side, briefly, and Scully caught a glimpse of a green blister on her neck.  “Well, I was always different. And I got curious about it and started looking into everything.”

Like Emily, then.  She didn’t know why this should surprise her, that Emily hadn’t been one of a kind.  Scully didn’t know how to feel; there was still anger, still sadness, when she thought about what had been done to her and to so many others.  But right now, looking at Marina, in this space that she had made with Scully’s son, there was a strange kind of joy too.

She hugged Marina, impulsively, and smiled sheepishly at the younger woman’s questioning look.  “Just glad we’re safe for now,” she said.

“Yeah,” Marina said, “me too.”

Jackson and Mulder came up to them then.  “Marina showed you the tracking system?” Jackson asked.

“Yes,” said Scully.  “It’s very impressive.”

“I think it should be all right by the morning,” Marina said, showing him something on the screen, “but they’re still around the local roads.  See?”

“Oh yeah,” Jackson said.  “You guys can stay here tonight.  You too,” he called to Leslie and Ben, who came over to look at the computer too.

“Thanks,” Leslie said.  “We’re sorry to trespass on your space.   You’re welcome to visit us, though.  Once this situation is more under control.”

“Yeah, I’ll definitely keep that in mind,” Jackson said.  “I always wanted to visit the White House.  Not the tourist parts.  So I could look for Lincoln’s ghost.  Have you seen him?”

“We just got there last week, so not yet,” Leslie said.  “But I bet we will.”

“I didn’t think he appeared to people,” Ben said.  “Just caused weird manifestations.  Didn’t Eleanor Roosevelt say Fala would bark at him?”

“Yes, she did,” Leslie said.  “I don’t know if he appears to a lot of people.  But I think he’ll appear to me, eventually.  At least by my second term.”

This led into a more general discussion of ghosts, which seemed to be a topic that interested everyone.  Maybe it was just that they didn’t want to talk about what was going on outside.  Even Scully found herself joining in.  It was easier to think about a threat that wasn’t real than a threat that very much was.

They broke into the canned food for dinner and by common consent decided to get to sleep early.  Jackson and Marina had a lot of sleeping bags and extra blankets, and they settled down throughout the hideout, saying good night in quiet voices.

Scully wanted to sleep, but it wasn’t happening.  She shifted in her sleeping bag next to Mulder.  “Are you asleep?” she whispered.  She was pretty sure he wasn’t, from his breathing.

“Nope,” he whispered back.  “You either?”

“I can’t,” she said.  “This is all so weird.”

“Tell me about it.”  He moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist, comfortably.  That felt familiar, at least, even if the rest of this didn’t.  No, that wasn’t right.  It wasn’t that the situation felt entirely unfamiliar.  It felt all too familiar in some ways, a past she thought they’d shed.

“I thought we were done with this,” she told him.  “I thought we were finally done.”

“I know, Scully,” he said.  “I thought so too.”  They hadn’t had a chance to talk about this yet, with everything that had been happening. Of course, they’d barely had a chance to sleep either, and maybe they should be concentrating on that.  But right now, talking to him felt more important.

“And then…I didn’t know about all this,” Scully said.  “That Jackson had this whole place.  I had no idea.”

“Apparently paranoia doesn’t skip a generation,” Mulder said.

“Well, apparently it’s not paranoia, either,” she said.  “I’m kind of proud of him, actually.  Weirdly.  They’ve done a good job here.”

“They have,” Mulder said.  “We have a good kid, Scully.  Two good kids.”

She nodded.  “I hope Susanna’s…I hope she’s holding up okay.”

“She will be,” Mulder said, although she could tell from his voice that he was worried too, that he didn’t like being away from their daughter at a time like this.  “She’s strong.  Like her mom.”  He nuzzled her hair, and she pressed her cheek to his.  “Plus she’s got Pip.”

Scully smiled.  “That’s not nothing.”  They were quiet for a minute.  “Do you really think we’ll be able to stop this?”

“We have to,” he said.  That wasn’t really an answer to her question, but she knew he was right.

She squeezed his hand, under the blankets.  “We’re…we’re as prepared for this as anyone could be,” she said.  “That has to count for something, right?”

“Right,” Mulder said.

“We should try to get some sleep,” Scully said, half reluctantly.  “That can’t hurt either.”

“Right again,” Mulder said, and they huddled against each other and tried to rest.

.....

“Ben, are you asleep?” Leslie asked.  She tried to keep her voice down.  This underground hideout wasn’t especially large, and they were sharing it with people they hadn’t known all that long, so she thought it was important to be courteous.

“No,” Ben said.  “I can’t sleep.”

“Me neither,” Leslie said.  “You want to talk for a while?”

“Sure,” he said.  “What about?”  The light was very dim, but she could see his face looking up at her, sweet, sincere.  She thought about how much she loved him, not for the first time.  Alien invasions had a way of making you take stock.

“I’m kind of mad about this happening on my first day,” she said.  “I hope that doesn’t make me sound shallow.  It’s true, though.”

“No, you have the right to be mad,” Ben said.  “You didn’t sign up for this.”

“Well, I did,” Leslie said.  “That’s what happened when I took the oath of office.  I signed up for whatever was coming.  I just didn’t think it would be this big this soon.  And this…paranormal.”

“I don’t think anyone thought that,” Ben said.  “It’s not really something you could anticipate.”

“You did tell me that I had to fill you in if they briefed me on the aliens,” Leslie pointed out.

“True,” Ben said.  “Maybe I’m psychic.”

“It wouldn’t be the strangest thing that’s happened in the last few days,” Leslie said.  “It would be cool if you were psychic.  You could tell me what was going to happen on Game of Thrones.”

“No one can do that,” Ben said.  “Now that it’s so different from the books…”

“Good point,” Leslie said.  “Well, you could tell me how all this was going to turn out, then.  With the aliens.  If I’d be remembered as the president who presided over the demise of the human race.”  She didn’t want that, and not just because of concerns about her legacy.  She’d gone into government because she wanted to help people.  She didn’t want to think that this might be a situation where she couldn’t do that.

“You won’t,” Ben said.  “I know it.”

“How do you know?” Leslie asked.  “You’re not really psychic, are you?”

“For a couple reasons,” Ben said.  “First of all, there’s that thing they say.  About times getting the leaders they need.  This is a time that needs a great leader, and I think we’ve got one.”  He smiled at her, and she smiled back, sliding closer to him in their sleeping bags. “And whatever kind of time it is, you’re Leslie Knope.  You never met a crisis you couldn’t solve.”

“I never met a crisis this big,” Leslie said.

“How different can it be,” Ben asked, “from an unruly town meeting?   It’s just a lot of…beings…causing a ruckus because they can’t get what they want.”

She laughed.  “You’ve always been so excited about aliens and things.  And now you’re saying they’re no different from what we’re used to.”

“I guess I didn’t know what they’d be like,” Ben said, more soberly. “I’d just as soon do without them, now.  Not that some of it isn’t interesting.  Those stories Mulder was telling, when we were driving.”

“Yeah,” she said.  “I gathered you were interested.”

“Well, it seems like the two of them know what to do,” Ben said.  “It’s good we found them.”

“And we’ll figure out what to do too,” Leslie said.  “The two of us.  I’m glad we’ve got your brains, Ben.  And your butt.”

“And my butt,” he said, smiling sleepily as she wrapped an arm around him, and she held him close until they both fell asleep.

They were up early in the morning, eating pre-packaged breakfast food;  it was a pale imitation of the real thing, but it was still better than nothing.  They took a plan for their route with them, based on Jackson and Marina’s tracking system.  Hopefully they’d be able to avoid aliens on the road.

Leslie studied the plan as they started driving.  “Hey,” she said.  “We go right by Pawnee with this.”

“That’s where you’re from?” Scully asked.

“Lived there all my life,” Leslie said.  “It’s the best town in the US.  You’d love it.  Have you spent any time in Indiana?”

“There were a couple of cases,” Scully said.

“That Cher concert,” Mulder said; he smiled at Scully, and she smiled back.  Leslie waited, but they didn’t seem inclined to elaborate.

“Should we stop off when we get there?” Leslie asked.

“It might be good to get the rest,” Ben said.

“I don’t mean we should stop for too long or anything,” Leslie said.  “Just to eat and stretch our legs.”

“Sounds good to me,” Mulder said.  “Scully?”

“Sure, we could do that,” she said.

“Great!” Leslie said.  She didn’t want to delay their mission, but she liked the thought of stopping in Pawnee more than she could say.   Going home…it would be something familiar in the midst of all that was so confusing and scary.

Of course, it might not be that familiar at this point.  The aliens might have been there already, in which case things would probably have changed.  And they’d probably changed the town motto to “Welcome, aliens!” by now.

Still, she liked the idea of showing her town to people.  When they finally drove in (they had, in fact, changed the motto to “Welcome, aliens!”, although the sign declaring it was still a mostly-cardboard work in progress), she pointed things out to Mulder and Scully.  “That’s Pawnee Commons,” she said.  “It’s a park I built.  And those people sitting on the grass are the Reasonablists.  They’re a cult that worships Zorp.”

“Zorp?” Scully asked.

“He’s a twenty-eight foot tall lizard alien,” Leslie said.  “He’s going to come and bring about the end of the world.”

“And melt people’s faces off, I think?” Ben added.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Leslie said.  “And they like to play wooden flutes.”

“This is fascinating,” Mulder said.  “Do you know how they developed this belief?”

“Yes, someone wrote a book about it and it caught on,” Leslie said.   “There used to be a lot of them.  They even took over the city for a couple of years in the 1970s.  But now they’re not as active.  They’re probably out today because of the invasion.”

“When we have a little more free time,” Mulder said, “I want to hear everything about this.  This is one of the weirdest cults I’ve ever heard about.  And I’ve encountered a lot of weird cults.”

“At least they sound relatively harmless,” Scully said.  “Right?”

“Yeah, they’re not so bad,” Leslie said.  “Just careless with the Port-a-Potties.”  She pointed out the window again.  “That’s Ron’s house.  We worked together for a long time.  He’s one of my best friends.”  She looked at the others.  “Maybe we could stop just for a minute?  To see how he’s doing?”  If there was anyone who’d be going on just as before, she thought, Ron would.  But she still wanted to see.

They pulled up in front of the house and got out of the car.  Leslie knocked on the door.  She knocked again.  And again.  But nobody answered.

Ben put an arm around her.  “They’ve probably gone for cover somewhere,” he said.  “Somewhere that’ll be safe.  You know how Ron is.”

“I know,” Leslie said, and she did.  Most of her believed that Ron was alright.  She hadn’t realized, though, how much she’d wanted to see him and to talk to him, to get the kind of advice that only he could give.  “I’m going to leave him a note,” she said, “for when he gets back.”

She had a notebook with her, and she wrote her note quickly.  Dear Ron, It’s Leslie.  We came through here on our way to try to stop the aliens.  Ben says you’ve probably taken cover somewhere safe, and I’m sure he’s right.  I wish I could have seen you, though.  We’ll have to see each other once the aliens are gone.  Love, Leslie.  She tore it out of the notebook and slid it under the front door.  “All right, I’m ready,” she said.  “We should keep going.  I know where we can go.”

Despite her words, Leslie was a bit nervous as she knocked on the door; she didn’t know what could have happened, and she didn’t want to face the thought of another friend gone who knows where.  But the door opened quickly.  “Leslie!  And Ben!  Oh, I’m so happy to see you guys!”

“We’re so happy to see you too,” Leslie said, returning Jerry’s hug. She really was, too.  Happier than she could have imagined being.   Another strange thing about the last couple of days.

“What Leslie said,” Ben added, hugging him in turn.  “You and Gayle are safe?”

“Oh, yeah, perfectly safe,” Jerry said.  “We watched the inauguration, Leslie.  Your speech was great!”

“You really thought so?  Thank you!” Leslie said.  “I didn’t think anyone would remember it by this point.  Because of the alien invasion.”

“Oh, no one paid any attention to that,” Jerry said.  “Don’t worry about it.”

“I think some people paid attention,” Leslie said.  “They’re kind of trying to colonize us now, actually.  I probably should worry.”

Jerry nodded.  “All right.  Just not too much.  Remember, you’re the president now.”

“That’s exactly why I should worry,” Leslie pointed out, but Jerry was already moving on to other topics.

“You should come inside, all of you.  Are these your secret service agents?” he asked, gesturing towards Mulder and Scully.

“No, these are Fox Mulder and Dana Scully,” Leslie said.  “They’re two former FBI agents who are helping us deal with the aliens.”

“Well, they should certainly come inside, in that case,” said Jerry. “Do you all want anything to eat?  I’ll tell Gayle you’re here.”   He ushered them into the living room.

Jerry returned with Gayle; Leslie could tell Ben was about to start muttering his astonishment at how the two of them had possibly gotten married.  She nudged him with her elbow, sternly.  “It’s great to see you, Gayle,” she said.  “You’re doing okay?”

“Well, the circumstances could be better, of course,” said Gayle.  “But we’re together and that’s all that matters.”

“Has there been any alien activity around here?” Mulder asked.

“Not yet,” Gayle said.  “At least not that we’ve noticed.”  Leslie wasn’t surprised.  If the aliens had been in Pawnee, Jerry would surely have been the first person to get abducted.  She meant it in the nicest possible way, but it was true.  “But we’ve been keeping up with everything on the news,” Gayle said.  “Do you want to watch?”

“Sure,” Leslie said.  She’d been checking in with her advisors on her phone, but it would be good for her to see some footage of what they were dealing with.

They sat down, and Gayle switched the news on.  “…Now, the story of this oil is, it’s black.”

It was good to be home.

.....

It was afternoon when they left the house to drive on towards Lake Michigan.  Mulder had been glad of the rest, and Jerry and Gayle had been very hospitable to them, even if he hadn’t found the local news particularly informative.  At least it seemed like there weren’t aliens in the area, which was something.  They couldn’t be sure what lay ahead, but they could only hope.

Leslie was taking her turn at the wheel now, and Mulder was in the backseat with Scully.  “I never expected to get driven around by a president,” he murmured to her.

She smiled, a little sleepily.  “Me neither.  But it’s not bad.”

“You tired, honey?” he asked her.

“A little.”

“You should sleep then,” he said.  “We’ll need you firing on all cylinders, when we get there.”

“Okay,” she said.  Their years on the road had served them well in this; they could sleep anywhere now.  She leaned her head against his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around her.  In just a few minutes, he could tell from her measured breathing that she was asleep.  She’d probably drool on him, not that he minded.  In fact, he minded so little that right now it seemed like one of the things he wanted to fight for: the continuation of a world in which Scully could drool on him.

“It’s going to be okay,” Leslie said softly, from the front seat.  He didn’t realize until she added, “For the two of you.  And for everyone,” that she was addressing him.

“I’ve been trying to tell myself that,” he said; he kept his voice quiet too, not wanting to wake up Scully.  “It’s just that…we’ve been through a lot because of this.  The aliens, I mean, and the people who were working with them.  And we thought it was over.  This time we honestly did.  And I’m not complaining or anything, because I know it’s a lot bigger than just us, and I really—I want to stop this.  But I’m wondering, now, if it’ll ever be over.  I really wanted it to be.”  He didn’t want to get back into this, to go back to the way he’d been in the past—to the things that had hurt him and the people he loved, to the things that had torn him and Scully apart too many times.  He wouldn’t let that happen again—never—but he couldn’t help being afraid of what might become of them.

“I don’t blame you for being upset,” Leslie said.  “I hope you’re not…well, angry that I dragged you into this.”

“No, of course not,” he said.  “I wouldn’t have felt right, just sitting back.  And I know that goes for Scully too.”

“This isn’t something I ever expected to happen,” Leslie said.  “I’ve wanted to be president since I was a kid.  So I could help people.  And I know that…Ben and I were talking, last night, about hard times demanding great leaders.  But I just hope I can be that leader.  Right now, I’m not…I’m not one hundred percent sure.”  She almost laughed.   “Sorry.  I shouldn’t say that.  Not very reassuring.”

“Well, it’s refreshing, anyway,” Mulder said.  “You rarely hear a politician admit they don’t have all the answers.”  She was silent, and he went on.  “And it’s pretty unusual, too, for a president to personally drive across the country to defeat aliens.  I’d say you’re doing all right, under the circumstances.”

“Thanks,” Leslie said.

“Speaking of driving,” he said, “let me know if you want to switch.”

“I’m still good for now,” Leslie said.  She glanced over towards the passenger seat.  “And Ben and Scully are asleep, anyway.  We might as well let them keep resting.”

“Might as well,” he said, and they sat in silence as they drove on.

He must have dozed off himself; he started awake when the car stopped.  Next to him, Scully murmured, “Mulder…what…where…”

“We’re in the car,” he told her.  “Going to Lake Michigan, remember?  Leslie, why are we stopping?”

“Because we’re here,” Leslie said.  She was shaking Ben awake.

It was dim outside by now, but Mulder saw that she was right; the waters of Lake Michigan gleamed under the last rays of the sun.  “We should start looking,” he said.  “I’ll get the files out.”

“And I’ve got masks,” Scully said.  “We should put them on.  There’s nothing to protect against the oil completely, of course, but it could help.”

“And I’ve got flashlights in the trunk,” Leslie said.  “You shouldn’t go out in the dark without flashlights.”

“We couldn’t agree more,” Scully said.

“Also I have a bag of candy,” Leslie said, handing them the flashlights.  “Should I bring that too?  Or will it attract the aliens?”

“I don’t think aliens are really into candy,” Ben said.  “Or are they?  To be frank, I’m beginning to think that most things I thought I knew about aliens are lies.”

“No, they’re not into candy,” Scully said.  “That part’s not a lie, anyway.”

“I’ll bring it, then,” Leslie said.  “Let’s get going.”

They started walking along the shore, Scully training her flashlight on the files Mulder was carrying.  “We don’t have exact coordinates,” he said, trying to read and walk at the same time.  “Only some landmarks. There were reports of strange things happening next to a certain dock. It’s got a little footbridge leading up to it…and there are sand dunes…”

“That could be a lot of places,” Ben said, gesturing towards the shore.  “Is there anything more specific?”

“I’m checking,” said Mulder.  “Yes.  On one of the dunes there’s a tree that’s bent over.  So it looks like there’s a hole in the trunk.   One of the eyewitnesses…he said he thought it was a bad omen.  We should look for that.”

They moved their flashlights in the dark, scanning the landscape, looking for the tree that was mentioned in the files.  It was just a tree, Mulder knew—in this case, he didn’t really think it was a bad omen—but somehow everything felt more threatening, with the sun almost entirely gone now.  The masks on everyone’s faces didn’t help.

“Is that it?” Ben asked suddenly.  A tree was caught in the beam of his flashlight, a hole in the trunk illuminated.  Mulder squinted into the light; he was about to answer, but Scully spoke first.

“That’s it,” she said, and something in her voice made Mulder look down, into the beam of her own flashlight.  It was trained downwards, and he could see something moving along the ground.  Creeping?  Oozing? The oil, he realized.  The oil.

“Okay,” he said.  “We should…let’s be careful.  Especially the two of you,” he said, gesturing to Leslie and Ben.  “You haven’t been exposed to this before.  Scully, what do you need?”

“I’m going to get a sample,” she said, sliding on rubber gloves, taking a vial from a pocket.  He’d seen her like this a million times.   It had never felt more important.  “You guys just…keep watch for me, okay?”

“Of course,” he said; he saw Leslie and Ben nodding, their faces solemn above their masks in the glare of the flashlights.  He squinted into the dark again.  There was the tree.  There was the shore.  There was Scully, stooping down with her vial.  There was…there was a face looking back at him, coming out of the darkness towards them.  Advancing on Scully.

Mulder moved before he could think about it, running to head the figure off: he wasn’t sure, at this distance, if it was an alien or a human, but he could tell that it meant trouble.  But when it reached out and grabbed for him, he could tell.  An alien, and its grip was strong, forcing him back, and he wasn’t at the right angle, he couldn’t shoot for the back of the neck…He thought he heard Scully calling his name, thought he saw her rising out of the corner of his eye, but the alien was grabbing his neck now and his vision was blurry…

And then it released him, suddenly, falling to the ground.  His eyes were stinging—he knew this feeling, it was what happened when you came in contact with that green blood, and the masks didn’t seem to be doing much to stop it—but he wasn’t choking any more, for which he was grateful.  Next to the fallen alien stood Ben, holding a sharpened stick, wearing an expression that was equal parts proud, stunned, and extremely teary.

“I remembered…what you told us…” he choked out.  “Did I…just kill an alien?”

“Looks like you did,” Mulder said.

“So proud of you, babe,” Leslie said.  She was teary-eyed too, but she managed an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

“Oh my God,” Ben said.  “This really stings.”

“Yeah, we told you about it, right?” Mulder said.  “They have green blood…and they release it, when you kill them.”

“Yeah, you told us,” Ben said.  “But I didn’t think it would be this bad.”

“It’s really bad,” Leslie added, nodding.  “But it’s okay.  You killed an alien.  You can tell the kids about it, when we get back.”

The idea seemed to mollify Ben somewhat, despite his continued choking noises, and in a moment Scully stood up.  “I’ve got a sample,” she said.  “And I think we should get out of here.  We’re too exposed, and we don’t know if there are more of them coming…”  She looked over her shoulder.  “Scratch that.  There are.  Let’s run.”

“We shouldn’t…?”  Ben brandished his stick vaguely.

“No,” Scully said.  “We should run.”  Mulder looked towards the trees—it was still dim, but he could see at least five aliens coming, and he took off along with Scully.  Ben seemed to see the wisdom of her words—flight over fight—because he and Leslie were right at their heels.

They used to do this all the time, Mulder remembered, on every case, and he wondered how they had managed it.  For now, the adrenaline was buoying him as he sprinted towards the car, but he knew that he couldn’t keep up this speed forever and that he was definitely going to feel this later.  Fortunately, the car wasn’t very far away; they each dove for the closest door, Ben ending up in the driver’s seat.  “Should I—?”

“Drive!” Scully yelled; she was somewhere on the floor of the backseat at the moment, tangled around Mulder’s legs.  And they sped down the road, not exactly in what Mulder would call a straight line.

“Don’t hit that tree!” Leslie shouted.

“Sorry!”  Ben swerved abruptly, and they all jolted.  That was Scully’s elbow in his eye, Mulder was pretty sure; his face was already swollen, of course, but this really didn’t help.  “I can’t see very well.  My eyes are still stinging.”

Mulder did his best to look out the back window of the car—it was dark, but he thought he could still see movement behind them.  “Well, keep going anyway,” he said.  “Maybe turn somewhere.”

“If there’s an actual turn,” Scully added; she was still half on the floor, and Mulder pulled her up onto the seat.  “No more of these swerves, if possible.”

“I said I was sorry,” Ben said.

“Shit, I dropped the candy,” Leslie said.  “Do you still have the sample?  I hope it didn’t go flying somewhere.  I’d just as soon not go back there, if we can help it.”

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” Scully said, holding out the vial.  “Hold it for me while I do my seatbelt?” she asked Mulder, and he nodded, taking it gingerly.

“So where to now?” Leslie asked.  “Once we shake the aliens.”

“We need to get somewhere that has a lab I can use,” Scully said.   “And somewhere we can stay for the night.  I’ll stay up and work on this, but there’s no reason the rest of you shouldn’t get some sleep.”

“Is there anything we can do about our eyes?” Ben asked.

“Not really,” Mulder said.  “You just have to wait for it to pass.”

“This’ll teach you to wantonly kill aliens,” Leslie said.  “Violence obviously isn’t the answer.”

“You said you were proud of me!” Ben said.

“I am proud of you,” Leslie said.  “But now that you’ve killed one alien, you don’t need to do it again.  How different can it be, killing one alien versus another?”  She looked into the backseat, as if she expected Mulder and Scully to provide an answer.

“Um…not that different,” Mulder said.

“See, Mulder says it’s not that different,” Leslie told Ben.  “And he ought to know.  See any more aliens coming?”

“I don’t think so,” Mulder said.  “We might have outdriven them, for now anyway.”

“It was probably all that swerving,” Leslie said.  “Still proud of you, babe.”

“Thanks,” Ben said.  “Where should we go to find a lab?”

Mulder looked on his phone; there was a research hospital in the next town over, one that Scully knew by reputation and said would have what she needed.  “There’s not much else in that town, though,” she said.  “I hope we can find somewhere to stay.”

They did, eventually, after a lot of driving around: a small motel near the hospital.  They all looked a little the worse for wear as they walked into the building, but the woman at the desk didn’t react.  “We’d like two rooms for the next few nights, please,” said Leslie.

“There’s only one room,” the woman said.  “Place is full up.”

“What?” Leslie asked.  “The country’s in the middle of an alien invasion and people are choosing this time to go on vacation?”

“Yeah, well, I think they wrecked some people’s houses or something,” the woman said.  “Besides, who are you to talk?  You’re trying to stay here too.”

“That’s different,” Leslie said.  “We’re here on important business.”

“Good for you,” the woman said.  “We still only have one room.”

“Should I pull rank?” Leslie asked, turning to the rest of them.

“Doesn’t matter what your rank is,” the woman said.  “Unless your rank involves conjuring up additional rooms.”

“Look, it’s fine,” Scully said.  “I won’t even be here most of the time.”

“Yeah, we’ve done this before,” Mulder added.  “Not a big deal.”  He turned to the woman.  “We’ll take it.”

The room was clean enough, and the bed was good-sized, at least.  “I think…I’ll take a very fast shower,” Scully said, glancing at the clock.  “And then I’ll head over to the hospital.”

Mulder sank into a chair.  When he next became aware of his surroundings, it was almost three in the morning; Leslie and Ben were lying on the bed, asleep.  He stretched—the chair hadn’t been the most comfortable place to sleep in—and headed for the door, passing by the front desk.  “Anywhere you can get food at this hour?” he asked the woman.

“Yeah,” she said.  “Diner next door.  Open all night.”

“Thanks,” Mulder said, giving her a nod and leaving the motel.

It didn’t take him long to get what he wanted—the diner wasn’t especially crowded at this hour—and he left the diner carrying sandwiches in a paper bag.  It only took a little longer to navigate his way through the hospital; he had to stop once and ask for directions, but he soon found the lab where Scully was working.  He tapped on the door.  She looked up.

“Hey,” she said.  “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”  Her smile, though, said that she was glad he was there.

He shrugged.  “I woke up.  And I brought you a BLT.  Do you want it now or…?”

“I’ll come out,” she said.  “It’s probably not a good idea to get bacon near the samples.”

“Probably not,” he agreed.  He kissed her cheek as she came into the outer room and waited while she washed her hands.  Then they perched side by side on chairs in the waiting area, eating their sandwiches.

“Where are Leslie and Ben?” Scully asked him.

“Still at the motel,” Mulder said.  “Asleep.”

“That’s good,” Scully said.  “You were all asleep when I left.  Did you sleep through until now or…?”

“Yeah, I did,” Mulder said.  “Don’t worry about me, Scully.  If I wanted to go back to sleep, I would.  I’d rather be here with you.”

She smiled again.  “I’d rather that too, Mulder.  If you’re really not tired.”

“I’m really not,” he said.  “Besides, there’s not much space to sleep anyway.  Even if I wanted to.  That chair was killing me.”

“I think we’re a little past our peak days,” Scully said, “for running around and sleeping anywhere.  I had such a crick in my neck from sleeping in the car.  And my feet are tired.”

“Anything I can do?” he asked.

“You already helped,” Scully said, waving what remained of her sandwich.  “And just having you here.  That’s good too.”

“How’s it coming?” he asked—he wasn’t sure about alluding to the subject, but he figured they’d have to talk about it soon enough, anyway.  “You making any progress?”

“I think so,” she said.  “Starting to get there, anyway.  I thought I’d get in touch with Leslie—we’ll need a way to distribute the vaccine, once I’ve figured it out.  She seems like the best person to coordinate that.”

“Sounds like something she can handle,” Mulder agreed.  “You want me to take a message back to her?”

“Sure,” Scully said.  “And then…come back here, okay?”

“Of course,” he said.

Leslie and Ben were still asleep when Mulder got back to the hotel, but they were only moderately grouchy and disoriented when he shook them awake.  “What?” Leslie said.  “What?”

“Do we have to kill more aliens?” Ben asked.  “Please no.”  His eyes still looked a little swollen, but maybe that was just because he’d been asleep.

“No more aliens,” Mulder said.

“Ever?” Ben asked.

“In this room,” Mulder said.  “Scully wanted me to give you a message, Leslie.”

“Okay,” Leslie said.  “Just a second.”  She fumbled for a pad of paper and a pen.  “Okay.  I’m ready.”

“She’s making some progress with the vaccine,” Mulder said.  “So she wants you to start setting up a way to distribute it, once it’s finished.  Obviously as broadly and as quickly as possible—”

“Pssh, I wasn’t born yesterday,” Leslie said.  “I know how public health works, thanks.”  She was writing rapidly on the pad.  “Okay.   First I’ll call the Department of Health.  We’ll need to start setting up clinics.  Ben, are you fully awake now?  Can you work on this with me?”

“Yeah, of course,” Ben said.  “You want me to get your health binder?”

“You know what I like,” Leslie said.

Ben headed for the desk, upon which Leslie had placed a large stack of binders.  “Let’s get to work then,” he said, retrieving the correct one.  “You can sleep on the bed for a while if you want, Mulder.”

“Thanks,” Mulder said, “but I’m heading back to the hospital.  Scully’s…well, I want to be with her while she’s working.”

“Understood,” Ben said, smiling at him.  “Tell her we’re rooting for her.”

“Of course,” Mulder said.

Scully was still working when he got back to the hospital.  She nodded to the chair next to hers, without speaking; he could tell she was on the trail of something.  So he sat down beside her, not speaking either, just wanting to be there.

The hours went by, and this chair wasn’t any more comfortable than the one in the hotel room—less, actually, since it didn’t have any cushioning.  He stayed anyway, though, only getting up briefly—to go to the bathroom or to find them more food.  “Just us again,” Scully said at one point, when they were grabbing a snack in the hallway.

“Just us again,” he agreed.  “Eating weird things at weirder hours.”

“Always,” she said, and she smiled at him, and he felt more hopeful, even if it was for no concrete reason.

He’d lost track of the time completely—the clock in the lab only had one working hand—when Scully turned to him, a look of anticipation on her face.  “I think…I have it,” she said.  Her voice was quiet, maybe calm if you didn’t know her well.  But he did know her well.

“You’re sure?” he asked.

“As sure as I can be, now,” Scully said.  “We’ll have to see how well it works, obviously.  But I’m almost positive.”

He picked her up then, from her seat into his arms; she giggled.   “You’re brilliant,” he said, his mouth against her hair.  “Have I told you you’re brilliant?”

“I don’t mind hearing it,” Scully said.  She kissed him quickly, then slid down to her feet.  “We’ll have to pick this up later, though.   There’s more work to be done.”

“You mean we don’t get to canoodle in a lab?” Mulder asked, following her as she gathered up her things, placing the vaccine carefully in an insulated box.  “It’s been years since we’ve canoodled in a lab.”

“You make a good point,” Scully said; they were out the door now, walking towards the elevator.  “We should plan on that, once we get home.  But right now, we need to work on producing more vaccine and on distributing it as quickly as possible.”

Leslie and Ben were intent on a pile of papers, but they looked up as Mulder and Scully came into the motel room.  “What’s the news?” Leslie asked.

“I think I’ve developed a working vaccine,” Scully said.

“You’re finished?” Leslie asked.  “This quickly?”  She was grinning from ear to ear even before Scully nodded.  “Scully, you’re brilliant and you’re beautiful!” she declared.

“That’s what I told her,” Mulder said, putting an arm around Scully, who was blushing.  “How’s it coming with the distribution plans?”

“We’re making good progress,” Leslie said.  “I’ve organized this kind of thing before—not on such a large scale, of course, and probably not quite this urgent, but it’s a start.  I’d think we should be able to start getting this out in the morning.”

“And we also worked on some ideas for quarantine,” Ben said, “for people who have already been infected.  We want you to check them over, of course—we don’t know how this virus works quite as well as you do.   But I tried to remember everything you told us earlier.”  He pointed to a document on his computer screen.

Mulder leaned in to read it, Scully looking over his shoulder.  “These are really good suggestions,” he said.

“Yes,” said Scully.  “I like this one especially, about repurposing existing facilities.”

Ben was the one who was blushing now.  “Well,” he said, “I just wanted to make sure I understood what the virus was like.  So I could do the best job possible.”

“Killing aliens and healing their victims,” Leslie said.  “Still proud of you.”  She yawned.  “I barely even know what time it is any more.  But it’s okay.  You two should have the bed.  We used it already.  For sleeping.”

“Thank you,” Scully said, heading for the bed and flopping down without further ado.

Mulder followed her.  “Do you want to take your shoes off?” he asked.  No answer.  “Do you want me to take your shoes off?”  Still no answer.  She was asleep already.

“She’s been up so long,” he whispered to Leslie and Ben.  “I’ll just take her shoes off.���  Having done so, he lay down on the bed as well; Scully had sprawled across a large portion of it, but he managed to find room.  By now, it wasn’t difficult to fall asleep.

.....

“Does my appearance,” Leslie asked him, “say, ‘Presidential, in-charge, successful against all threats from this planet or any other, but also thoughtful and concerned about ordinary Americans and the struggles they are still facing in rebuilding?’”

“Yeah,” Ben said.  “That was exactly what I thought, when I first looked at you.”

“Good!” Leslie said.  “We’re ready for the press conference, then?”

“Whenever you say the word,” Ben told her, and they walked into the press room.

Instantly, they were besieged with questions.  “President Knope, can you tell us more about the successful creation of the black oil vaccine?”

“Is the defeat of the aliens due to the army?”

“What should people do to be prepared against the future return of the aliens?”

“Now, these aliens, would you say they came from space?”

“One at a time, one at a time,” Leslie said.  The reporters quieted down, at least somewhat, and Leslie took her place at the podium.  “As I’ve always said—during my campaign and throughout my political career—there are two secrets to good government.  One is putting the people first.  And the other is having a strong team.  During the recent alien colonization crisis, I was very fortunate to have that.”  She smiled.  “When I was preparing for office, I of course did my due diligence on plans for extraterrestrial contact, but this turned out to be unlike anything I expected.  So I’d first like to extend my thanks to FBI director Walter Skinner, who recommended that I get in touch with retired agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.  Their help was absolutely invaluable in providing us with ways to deal with and combat the aliens, not to mention developing the vaccine that protected so many of our people against the black oil.  Without them, we might not be here right now.”

“What about the Battle of the Smithsonian?” one of the reporters asked.  “Why did you choose to attack the aliens in that location?”

“Because of its great strategic advantage,” Leslie replied smoothly; that sounded more presidential, Ben guessed, than because that happened to be where they parked their spaceship. “Incidentally, you’ll be glad to know that we are already working on plans to reopen the exhibits.  As soon as the air is determined to be fully nontoxic again.”

“What made the air so toxic in the first place?” a reporter asked.

“It’s what happens when you kill the aliens,” Leslie explained.  Ben watched her, marveling; only a few weeks ago, this would have been something out of a fantasy for him, something that he would never have believed could actually be real.  And now Leslie was talking about it like it was the most ordinary thing in the world.  “They release a green substance.  I have first-hand experience with it, I’m afraid.  I was present when Ben killed one of the aliens.”  She shot him a grin.  “He was another invaluable member of our team during this crisis.”

“Do you believe the aliens will come back?”

“No, I think we’ve shown that our planet is not amenable to the idea of being colonized,” said Leslie.  “However, we will of course continue to monitor the situation.”

“What message would you send to people who have come in contact with the black oil?”

“Hang in there,” Leslie said, “and it’ll get better soon.  Most people who were infected are already healing.”

“What are you planning to do next, President Knope?”

“I’m looking forward to acting on my campaign promises,” Leslie said.  “The more terrestrial ones.”

“What can you tell us about tonight’s celebration of the crisis resolution?”

“It should be a fun night!” Leslie said.  “We just arranged everything that we were originally planning for the inaugural ball.   Since that was cancelled.  Due to aliens.”  The reporters took frantic notes.

“You know, I didn’t know if I’d get to wear this,” Leslie said, examining her dress in the mirror as they were getting ready for the celebration that night.  “I thought the whole human race might be wiped out.”  Her tone was light, but Ben knew she wasn’t entirely joking.

“Well, we weren’t,” he said.  “And a lot of that’s thanks to you.”   He kissed her lightly.  “You were giving everyone else the credit earlier today.  But you deserve credit too.”

“Thank you,” she said, kissing him back.  They were quiet for a few minutes, as they finished dressing.  Ben was thinking about what they’d just been through, how excited he was to be seeing friends at the celebration tonight, when he’d thought just recently that he might not see those people again.

“I can’t wait to see everyone,” Leslie said—it wasn’t the first time their thoughts had been in sync, and he knew it wouldn’t be the last.   “I’m just glad—we’ve been lucky.  That we’re all okay.”  He nodded, taking her hand, and then they went downstairs.  Sonia, Stephen, and Wesley were waiting for them in the entryway, all dressed up as well.   “Come on, everyone!” Leslie said, beaming, and they headed for the car.

The celebration was crowded already when they got there—everyone wanted to celebrate the defeat of the aliens, and Leslie never had the heart to refuse anyone an invitation.  They soon saw Mulder, Scully, and their kids, though.  “Hi!” Leslie said, moving through the crowd towards them.  “I’m so glad you could all make it.”

“We wouldn’t have missed it,” Mulder said.  “Never thought we’d get invited to a ball.  Or actually be in favor with government officials.   Right, Scully?”

“Right,” Scully said.  “Thank you so much for inviting us.”

“Yes, thank you,” Susanna added, blushing; she still seemed a bit tongue-tied around Leslie, although she’d become fast friends with the triplets during her brief stay at the White House.

“So what do the two of you have planned?” Ben asked.  “Now that we’ve saved the world and all.”

“Back to retirement,” Mulder said.

“And praying it’ll stick this time,” Scully added.

“Well, I’ll certainly miss having your advice,” Leslie said, “but I understand.  And I know we’ll stay friends—oh my God, there’s Ann.”  She abruptly pushed past Scully, as well as several people who were standing behind her, and rushed towards the door, where Ann was just coming in.

“Don’t take it personally,” Ben told Mulder and Scully.  “She’s like this with everyone, when Ann shows up.”  He wanted to say hello to Ann too, but he figured he’d let Leslie have her moment first.  “So,” he asked Mulder and Scully instead, “what eventually happened in that town with the vampires?”  He would have thought that what they’d been through would have cured his interest in paranormal adventures.  But somehow, he was finding, it hadn’t.

Ben and Leslie hadn’t really had a peaceful moment since the inauguration—even after the aliens were gone, they’d been concentrating on dealing with the aftermath—so tonight was especially welcome.  They spent time talking to old friends, of whom there were many; even Ron, who’d just emerged from the cabin in the woods where he’d holed up against the aliens, had agreed to make an appearance.  “Don’t think I’m not still against these large government functions,” he told Ben.  “But it’s Leslie.  You understand.”

“Yeah,” Ben agreed.  “It’s Leslie.”

“And,” Ron added, “there’s breakfast food.”  He gestured complacently to his plate.  Ben hadn’t been sure that breakfast food was traditional for this kind of celebration, but Leslie had pointed out that she liked breakfast food and that most people found it very comforting, which was sorely needed in times like these.  He hadn’t been able to argue with that one.

There was dancing too, and Ben held Leslie tightly as they moved among the other couples; he could see Mulder and Scully, dancing nearby, and he gave them a quick wave.  They waved back.  Then he turned back to Leslie.  “Defeated an alien threat,” he said, “and threw a kick-ass celebration.  Not bad for your first month on the job.”

“Not what I originally had planned,” Leslie said, “but I agree, not bad.”

“It’ll really give you something to talk about,” he said, “in your State of the Union.”

She laughed.  “Too true.  But for now—let’s just dance.”

So they did.

#my fic #the x files #Parks and Recreation #Dana Scully #leslie knope #Fox Mulder #ben wyatt #crossover

[jell-o-shot]

35 Ben and Leslie

35. Go on, tell me. Tell me you don’t love me.

Ben didn’t mean to kiss her - at least, not like this.

Not while she was standing in a wedding dress, one that he was allowed to see because he wasn’t the groom. Not while she was three weeks out from her wedding; still planning, still stressing. Not while she had a ring on her finger that was given to her by another man.

Ben had offered to help Ann out with her Maid of Honour duties if she was working long shifts at the hospital. He’d gotten through the venue scouting and the cake testing - barely, but he had managed. Not even five hours of enveloping invitations had cracked him. But a wedding dress fitting? This. This was too much.

She’d pinned her hair up in the changing room, and when she stepped out and twirled, he could feel his heart miss a beat.

“What do you think, Ben?”

As she spun, he could see the way the dress dipped down her back, exposing skin. He imagined resting his palm there as they slow-danced. He walked over to her, his hand catching hers mid-spin. He pulled her close, swaying despite the lack of music.

Leslie’s brow furrowed - “Does this mean you like it?”

Ben looked at her, certain he was under a spell. He would never do this normally - they were best friends, and she was engaged to someone else. And yet, her fingertips clasping his knuckles felt so natural, like perhaps they were made for him. 

“I think you look more impossibly beautiful than I ever could have imagined.”

“Ben, what’s going on -”

“Tell me to let you go, and I will.”

She stayed silent, moving with him and their spell.

“Tell me you don’t love me.” He whispered. 

She stayed silent once more. She closed her eyes.

“Go on, tell me. Tell me you don’t love me.”

Leslie Knope, wearing a white dress for another man, couldn’t move her lips. Her silence was her answer, and Ben couldn’t stop himself - he kissed her, gently, and in a heartbreaking way.

Then he dropped her hands and walked out of the door.

Leslie pulled up to the curb outside Ann’s house and grabbed her phone. She sent a quick ‘here!’ text to Ann and waited. 

It had been a week since Ben had kissed her. What hurt the most was, she’d been wanting him to do that since the day they’d met, but he chose that exact moment - one that didn’t belong to the two of them - to do it.

Ann knocked on the window and Leslie lent over to unlock the door. 

“Hey, Leslie.” Ann sounded out of breath, “Sorry I was running around the house like a mad woman trying to find the address for this place. I’d written it on a little piece of paper but I couldn’t remember -” 

Ann realised that Leslie was crying. 

“Oh no, what’s happened?” Ann reached out and grabbed Leslie’s hand. 

Leslie’s eyes dropped to their hands, intertwined. She felt safe.

“Ben kissed me.” The words hung in the air for a beat.

“What? When?” 

Leslie wiped her tears with her free hand, “During my final dress fitting. But I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Have you told Scott?”

Leslie shook her head, “Oh, beautiful Ann, what should I do?”

Ann took her inside her place, made her a cup of tea and asked her if she’d kissed him back. 

“What do you think it means - that you kissed him back?” Ann lay a blanket on Leslie’s lap. She had become an expert at looking after Leslie. The same way Leslie knew to make hot cocoa and put a Janis Ian vinyl on when Ann was sad.

“That I’m in love with him. And that I’m a horrible human being.” Fresh tears found their way to Leslie’s eyes.

Ann moved closer to her and wrapped her up in a hug, “You are not a horrible human being. Don’t you dare say that about my best friend, okay?”

Leslie laughed, “Okay. I’m sorry.”

Ann handed her the tissue box, “You’ll figure this out. You always do.”

The thing about kissing your best friend three weeks before she’s about to marry someone else, and then ignoring her for two weeks is, it kind of makes you a dick. Ben knew he had some grovelling to do. He felt sick to the stomach as he knocked on her door.

“Hey, Ben.” She sounded deflated.

“Hey.” He shifted his weight onto his left foot. “Can I come in?”

Leslie stepped back, letting him slip inside. He didn’t know if he should sit or not, so he just hovered around her couch and turned to her.

“I came to apologise. What I did - it was wrong and I wish I could take it back. I really do.”

He could of sworn he saw a certain type of pain flash in her eyes. She didn’t say anything.

“I, uh, I just -” He paused, “Please say something.”

Leslie sighed, and it was heavy. “You don’t get to just kiss me three weeks out from my wedding and then walk away, Wyatt. You just…don’t get to do that to me.”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Leslie. I’ve really made a mess of everything. I’m a terrible person, the worst actually -”

Leslie threw her eyes shut, “No, Ben, you’re not.”

“I am, Les. You said it yourself; I kissed you three weeks out from your wedding. Only self-centered idiots do that kind of stuff. I need to leave you and Scott alone. I need to let you get on with your life.”

“Ben, don’t -”

He started to move, knowing that he needed to leave.

“I left Scott.”

He faltered, “Oh God, Leslie. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

Her eyes pooled with brave water, “We haven’t been happy for awhile.” Her voice hitched, and she shrugged. “I think I was only marrying him because it was easier than admitting that I didn’t love him anymore. I know that sounds dumb.”

Ben moved towards her, “That doesn’t sound dumb at all.”

Leslie blinked quickly and took a deep breath. She smiled, “I’ll be okay. I just need some time, okay?”

“Of course.” He reached out and touched her arm, wanting to say more, and then left. 

It took her awhile - three months and thirteen days to be exact - but she eventually sent him the text. 

It said: ‘Hi, it’s Leslie Knope from the Parks Department here. If you feel like talking, meet me at our spot.’

Then she worried that he wouldn’t know where that was, so she sent 3 more texts explaining what she meant. He replied, saying she didn’t need to introduce herself - he’s had her number for years now - and that he’ll see her there.

She’d already been sitting on the bench for a half hour before he arrived. He wasn’t late - it was just that the wildflowers calmed her.

“Hey, Les.” He smiled at her.

They’d seen each other at work, of course, but this was the first time they were meeting outside of office hours since he’d been at her house. She let herself look at him, properly, and she felt almost shy.

He sat down next to her. 

“You remember that day we were having lunch in the courtyard? And I told you that Scott had proposed, and that I was still thinking about what to say, and I asked you what you thought?”

“Yeah?”

“I was hoping you would tell me to say no.” Leslie turned to look at him, he met her eyes. “And I know that’s not fair. I shouldn’t have expected that from you. But it’s what I wanted.”

“I should have said something earlier.”

Leslie laughed, “Yeah, probably.” 

“I thought you loved him.”

“I thought you didn’t love me.”

And so Ben weaved his fingers through her hair, kissed her, and showed her that he did.

He always had.

#Anonymous #my fan fic #ben wyatt #leslie knope #ben x leslie #benslie #ann perkins #parks and rec #this request is genuinely from like 2 years ago #better late than never right???? #also I haven't written in so long so be nice #idk #i had part of it written sitting in my drafts so figured i should finish it #here pls enjoy this weird kinda AU drabble thing #lmao #ok #anyway

[parksandrecepisodereviews]

S3:12: Eagleton

I’m revving up this blog and since I gotta start somewhere why not start arbitrarily in the middle of the show? 

This particular episode begins with Leslie (Knope) walking into Ron (Swanson)’s office and says, “Good morning, Ron.” Leslie awkwardly stands over Ron’s desk and tries to confuse him with conversation before asking him what he’s doing on his birthday on Friday. (It is a trap) Ron replies that he never does anything for his birthday to which Leslie goes, “AHAAAAA” because he has fallen into her trap. She then sings a birthday song I suspect that she made up on the spot. Blah blah blah Ron doesn’t like people having information on him, Leslie digs it up to annoy him because that’s kind of her deal. Is it out of love? She claims it is. But if she truly loved Ron, and she claims she does, she would leave him alone. He just wants to be left alone. 

Tom (Haverford) comes in after the intro sequence with the happy music and American images and places a photograph in Leslie’s hands and tells her that “they” put up a fence around a children’s park on the Pawnee/Eagleton border. Donna (Meagle) makes a comment about how Eagletonians are rich snobs but doesn’t miss the chance to mention her Mercedes Benz. Ben (Wyatt) asks who would build a fence around a playground and Leslie immediately knows who without any evidence, she just KNOWS. And the answer is Lindsay Carlisle Shay (played by Parker Posey) who used to be Leslie’s best friend until she took that job that Leslie turned down. Moving to Eagleton apparently changed this woman at her core and made her despicable in the eyes of Leslie. Maybe the fence was a good idea, considering Leslie admits that the Pawnee side of the park is where bad kids go to smash fluorescent light tubes. Eagleton is just trying to protect their kids from glass shards and mercury vapor. But Leslie, being the communist she is, believes the park is for everyone. Leslie gives April (Ludgate) a list of things to do to prepare for Ron’s birthday. Ron is fearful.

The next scene is at a public forum which normally provides some of the best comedic moments in the series because it illustrates the stupidity of Pawnee’s citizens. One man is concerned that his kids are going to play in the rock quarry since the park is fenced off. Another man suggests that they burn the fence down. Leslie shuts the idea down by saying that would be the felony of arson. The man doesn’t care. A different man suggests that they put up a fence around the Eagleton fence to make maintenance harder for them. A woman stands up and says that her boy, Joey (last name unimportant) hurt his arm trying to climb the fence to play on the nicer side and demands that the government take down the fence. Leslie promises the entire forum that she will, in fact, tear down the wall like she’s Mikhail Gorbachev (a communist). The entire forum applauds her lie. The arson man brings up the idea of burning the fence and Leslie says, “yeah, great” like she agrees with him which is confusing, possibly giving the man the green light to commit a felony. We never see him again in the show so maybe he goes to prison after attempted arson.

April is on the phone speaking loudly enough for Ron to hear the ridiculous party favors she’s trying to order. Ron holds down the switch hook to forcefully hang up the call and tells April to stop. Then Lindsay Carlisle Shay shows up and brightens up the dingy Pawnee parks department, even though they all hate her. Leslie and Lindsay are fake nice in their reunion. Ben introduces himself to her, probably hoping to get a piece since it’s going nowhere with Leslie, but is shot down when she calls him Dan and dismisses the correction he tries to make. Leslie tries to goad Lindsay by introducing Ann (Perkins) as her best friend. Lindsay couldn’t give a shit. She sees Ann as sad and tired because she’s a nurse and looks like she regrets shaking her hand probably because she touches a lot of blood in her line of work. Leslie and Lindsay step out into the courtyard where Lindsay says she does charity work in Pawnee but basically calls it a lost cause. Leslie then pulls out an old photograph of Lindsay from before she got a nose job and lost some weight as well as her soul. Lindsay tries to pry it out of Leslie’s vice-like grip. They have a pointless conversation about the park and the fence and Lindsay leaves after insulting the town that Leslie loves most and Leslie can do nothing but stand there and take it. She tells the camera crew what she would have said if she were quicker with the quips and it honestly wouldn’t have been worth saying at the time anyway.

Commercial break (I’m watching this on Netflix so there are no commercials)

Leslie, Ben, and Tom are now in Eagleton at the Eagletonian version of a public forum which looks more like an upscale cafe. Lindsay, donning horse riding garb greets all three of them and calls them “Pawnee.” Tom introduces himself using his full name to which Lindsay says, “okay.” Leslie asks her if she was just at the stables and she confirms that, indeed, she was. Lindsay comments on Leslie’s appearance, saying she looks like she’s been working really hard and offers her a mirror or a self-help book. They are mean to each other right before the forum begins. 

April walks into Ron’s office and asks for details about his house to plan for people to come for a birthday party. Ron sees Ann walking into the department with balloons in her hand. Thinking they are for him, the birthday boy, he quickly dashes over to her with a pen in hand and begins popping them. Ann explains that the balloons were for a sick child at the hospital. Ron is not remorseful. He orders Ann to go into his office so that they can speak in private. Ann remarks that she doesn’t work for him and doesn’t have to do what he says. Ron doesn’t give a shit. 

Back in Eagleton, Leslie tries to explain her side for not having a fence at the park. Eagleton citizens are met with applause when they introduce themselves to the forum and offer their own perspectives. One woman says that the fence is a punishment for Pawnee. Leslie spews more communist drivel saying any kid should be able to play in any park “regardless of wealth or status” and applauds herself awkwardly as the Eagletonians watch in silence. She then points to the boy from before who had hurt his arm climbing the fence. A man says he saw the boy selling fireworks to Eagleton kids. His mother then inaudibly chews him out right then and there. Lindsay thinks this illustrates her point that Pawnee is a shithole town and the only way to become better is to change everything about it, like she did herself. The entire forum applauds at her words while Leslie stands there in anger and defeat.

Back at the office Ron demands that Ann tells him what’s going on for his birthday. She was unaware it was even his birthday so she tells him happy birthday. Ron tells her to shut her damn mouth, like the rude ass that he is. Ron, even though Ann didn’t know it was his birthday, pressures her to tell him what Leslie is planning and she has to tell him that she has no clue. She tells him what Leslie did for her birthday which increases the fear within Ron.

The Pawnee gang leaves Eagleton and Leslie gives the backstory of the fallout between her and Lindsay which, who cares. It’s a very short scene and Lindsay’s never in the show again, so.

Ron asks Chris (Traeger) to send Leslie on some kind of government related trip so that she can’t celebrate Ron’s birthday. Chris is informed that it’s Ron’s birthday from this conversation, tells Ron “happy birthday” grabs his face and plants a big wet kiss right on his mouth. 

At the park with the fence, Leslie, Tom, Ben, April, Donna, Andy (Dwyer), and Jerry (Gergich) are there to throw trash all around the Eagleton side of the fence. Ben rhetorically asks Leslie if that just plays into what Eagleton already thinks of them. Leslie ponders his point for a second and decides he is right. Leslie often doesn’t think things through and acts emotionally. Lindsay shows up with her dog, Sambuca. Leslie tries to make her see that all this is stupid and that she’s from Pawnee. Lindsay denies it. Leslie questions her takeout from JJ’s Diner and she explains that the waffles are great dog laxatives. Once she feeds her dog the waffle, Leslie fucking loses her shit and viciously attacks Lindsay. The police arrive and they try to get each other to apologize which leads to the best dialogue in this entire episode which is why I’m going to transcribe it verbatim...

Leslie: I will never apologize to her. Lindsay: Nor I, her.  Leslie: (mockingly) Nor I, her. I doth proclaim to be a stupid fartface. Lindsay: Nice retort. Did G.B. Shaw write that for you? Leslie: DID G.B. SHAW WRITE YOUR STUPID FARTFACE?

The Pawnee officer then says that if they don’t apologize they’re gonna toss them into jail.

So obviously they end up in jail. Lindsay is shown in a typical jail cell, while Leslie is in a comfortable lilac holding cell where she is offered refreshments, but she declines.

The next day Andy walks into Ron’s office and says he forgot to put a shirt on. Ron is wearing a shirt, but admits that he slept there to avoid being kidnapped by Leslie in his own home. He tries to get Andy to reveal what’s going on for his birthday but Andy says that Leslie’s done so much for him that he wouldn’t betray her like that. Ron respects that. However Andy lets slip that he’s going to kidnap him.

In the Eagleton jail cell, Ann comes to bail out Leslie. Who cares what happens here, it isn’t funny. Except when Ann offers to beat Lindsay senseless with a baseball bat.

Next scene is a baseball game using the fence that Eagleton put up. Effectively repurposing the fence but if you can recall she promised the Pawnee citizens at the forum that she would get it taken down. Leslie is a liar. Lindsay is impressed that Leslie is so efficient at her job, making baseball teams and organizing the game. They tentatively make plans to hang out sometime but who knows if it ever happens. I wish she returned to the show at some point because I like Parker Posey but whatever.

After psychologically torturing Ron all week, Leslie leads Ron into a cozy room where she set up his birthday surprise which is whiskey and steak and other things Ron likes. Then they have a touching conversation but who cares, it isn’t funny.

This is a good episode. On the comedic meter it’s not as funny as some other episodes but its message of finding common ground between enemies who used to be friends is touching. And it has Parker Posey in it so I give it like an 8/10.

#parks and recreation #review #parker posey

[dpargyle]

Thoughts on the Last Jedi

OMGs so many spoilers!!!!! Also it gets a lil NSFW and super dweeby at the end…. (proceed at your own risk)

So I just got back from The Last Jedi and -

I have so many EMOTIONS!!!

Lemme at least attempt to go through this chronologically…

“The First Order reigns.”  I got goosebumps from that opening sentence of the opening crawl.  It was like, yup – pretty much the feeling in the real world rn too hahahaha *sobs*

That whole opening space battle scene – ahhhh!!!!  I loved so much about it – I especially loved how quickly Rian Johnson (the writer/director) was able to establish Paige Tico’s character – make the audience care about her and then boom she’s gone and I knew she was a goner as soon as they introduced her at Celebration but still it hit me right in the feels – like damn the sacrifices the Resistance is forced to make

At long last we got back to Rey and Luke on Ahch-To and I love how he doesn’t even say anything – he just flips the lightsaber over his shoulder like “thanks, I hate this!”

And then Rey follows him around like an adorable lost puppy for days and days and days and I was like awwww!

Speaking of which – I really liked how Daisy Ridley played Rey this time around – not so naïve (although I loved happy go-lucky, plucky Rey from the Force Awakens) – but she’s grown now – she’s seen some shit – and so as a result her character is a little more galaxy-wise and wary – which I think fits – though we see some of that lighter Rey sprinkled throughout the narrative – the “reach out” moment which I thought was pretty damn hilarious…

As for the new characters – oh my – how I love Rose.  She’s this fan girl who’s suddenly grieving and then one of her heroes shows up and she’s all ready to fangirl but then he severely disappoints her but she doesn’t even hesitate – she stuns him – like yeah, she’s excitable and incredibly sad but she’s still gonna do her damn job and I loved it.  And we see her grow and mature throughout the film and learn to trust Finn again – and the end where she saves him and then she says “we can’t fight what we hate – we have to save what we love” and then she snogs him and I was like HELLLS YES!  What a bad. Ass. Character.. I love her.  #protec I already liked the sorts of things Kelly Marie Tran was saying from the press tour – but she brought this character to life and now I have EMOTIONS.  

So yeah, I’m totally on the FinnRose ship now since Disney are cowards and Stormpilot is never gonna be a thing ☹ (though I did appreciate when Finn and Poe finally meet up again Finn literally squirts on Finn lmao (I’m sorry I have a dirty mind!)  so I think that’s the closest we’re ever gonna get hahaha)

I loved how Canto Bight really illustrated this incredible gap between rich and poor – so similar in our own world right now – and Rose’s rage at this injustice – “I just wanna punch straight through this beautiful, ugly terrible town.”  (First off – what a line.  Second off that sounds like something Leslie Knope might say hahahaha) Rose was given some of the best and most poignant lines.  

Also – the focus on the little children slaves – fuck, that was crushing.  And the Fathiers – how their coats were bleeding from the whips and the lashes – damn all so heartbreaking.  I’ll get back to the little slave boy at the end – as I think there’s so much going on in that final scene.

Back to the Force montage on Ahch-To with Luke & Rey – damn I love how Johnson elaborated on the Force – showing us what Rey was seeing – such beauty.  Such resonance.  Kinda reminded me of those BBC nature documentaries (The Planet, etc…) – the beauty and savagery of nature – personified in the Force – ughh so frikken powerful.

As for Luke – his scene with Artoo was the best.  Artoo shows him young Leia pleading for Obi-Wan and Luke’s all like “you’re not playing fair” and Artoo basically gives him this shit eating grin and oh gods so good – this is why Artoo continues to be my fave. Character.  He is the best.  Doesn’t even have to say anything.  Like yes!  Damn! Ughhh!

Then Luke’s scene with Yoda’s force ghost!!! As soon as you saw that little profile and the ears I was internally going like !@@!#$%&^%!@#$%%@$ and then he just blows up the tree like HaShem in Exodus and you’re like lmao – and he literally tells Luke “Rey has all the knowledge from the Jedi Texts with her already” – then if you fast forward all the way to the very end of the movie when everyone is on the Falcon – Finn is rummaging through a bunch of drawers and if you blinked you missed them – but the texts were in there!  Rey up and stole them hahaha – amazing!  And Yoda knew too!  Ugghhhhhhh I love these characters!

Alright.  Now on to the really big stuff.

Holy crap. Snoke is dead.  HAHAHAHA!  Ren turned out to be the BIG BAD of this trilogy.  I guess I shoulda seen that coming, but tbh I was absolutely gut-wrenched. I thought he and Rey would join forces and become gray force users and have babies and it would be beautiful, but it was not to be.  When they were fighting Snoke’s red guards I thought that would happen but then Ren is so full of hate and greed he can’t see anything else – he’s dead inside.  He can’t see a path to redemption.  He doesn’t even ask for forgiveness.

Yes, I know – for the last several months I have been a Reylo.  I really wanted them to get together.  And when they were force-touching hands I really thought they would – but then this asshole goes and

Decides to tell Rey she’s nothing????  Like what? No.  No, no, no.  You don’t tell someone they’re trash but they mean everything to you.  Like I sorta get what he’s trying to say but he’s being super manipulative.  Is that what gaslighting is?  

Like fine you murdered Han Solo.  You blew up Akbar.  AKBAR! But you will not insult Rey.  No.  That is crossing a line.  Maybe he wasn’t even consciously doing it – maybe he thought he was praising her – but really he was just trying to convince her she’s nothing without him.  He allowed his rage to rule him.  

I’m sorry people who still might see them together – but I no longer do.  Rey doesn’t need Kylo’s bullshit.  She gave him a chance at redemption and he denied her.  She realized she can’t save him – and I think that’s an incredibly valuable lesson to teach young girls.

I’m sorry if that offends some people on the Tumblrs – and you’re totally entitled to your opinion – I’m not gonna be a dick about it (it’s not my way) – but respect that I’ve changed my mind.  

As a side note – I think it’s kind of hilarious how whoever the hell Snoke was and who Rey’s parents were don’t even matter!  All those theories!  All the mental anguish we put into discovering how everything connects to older characters!  But it doesn’t.  Ha!  We deserve it!

Luke made a mistake trying to take out Kylo, no doubt, but Kylo has to be responsible for his own actions.  I think that’s what Johnson was trying to say – sure he might have been neglected, abused, and then manipulated by Snoke – but ultimately he had the power to choose – and like so many young men in this day and age – Ben has chosen hate.  Rey has chosen hope.

And I choose Rey’s path.  

The darkness might reign right now.  But the light is strong.  And it can burn in us all, if only we allow it to ignite within us.    

Sure, the Jedi have a legacy of failure.  But as Yoda said, “Failure is the best teacher.”  Don’t I know it.  Failure is painful.  Failure sucks.  But that doesn’t mean we burn it all down.  We can rebuild.  We can grow. We can make new the old.

The Jedi can live again.

And that gives me great hope, kids.  

Great Hope.      

And now, Luke and Leia.  

I….

I can’t even…

This woulda been emotional enough with Carrie Fisher still with us – but now that she’s gone…

“Nobody’s really gone.” – Luke.  That last conversation – just the two of them – Oh man, I’m not a crier but sometimes I wish I was.  So powerful. So important.  So cathartic.  Funny. Sad.  Bittersweet reconciliation.  Imperfect people, imperfect goodbye – but a perfect scene.

I feel like we all needed that.  Or I did anyway.  

And then….Luke dies.

Luke dies?

Luke Skywalker. Is gone.

What?  No!  How?

Feels like I’ve known him my whole life – cuz I have.  Like he’s a real person and the myth he became all at once.  Who was one of the ones who taught us the power of forgiveness.  To let go of hate.

And now he’s gone?

I know, I know, I sound ridiculous – he’s not a real person and it’s just a movie and you’re probably all rolling your eyes and saying “bundles you’re being such a dweeb rn” but damn it! stories matter.  Characters matter.  Words matter. Words have power.  

Star Wars is a great myth of our time.  The saga of the Skywalkers is our Arthuriana.  From Anakin to Rey – this is our Trojan War.  Luke is our Achilles.  

And now he’s gone? When he disappeared watching those two setting suns (gods what great cinematography) it was like a gut punch.  Like fuuuuuuuuuuuuck what now?  

How do we go on?

I think Johnson gives us an answer – look to the past – look to the future – to the balance – to the cycle –

Which brings me to that final poignant scene -

The slave boy on Canto Bight.  As with Anakin Skywalker all those years ago – he’s a force user (pulling that broom to his hand ala Mickey Mouse in Fantasia) and he’s staring up at the stars and dreaming….he embodies, with his phoenix-inspired Rebel insignia ring – the rebirth of hope – of the rebellion – of the resistance – of the beautiful broken dream that were the Jedi – he is Johnson.  He is all of us.  From Anakin all the way to this slave boy.  And the story repeats.  The cycle continues.  

The myth lives on. Hope lives on.  And if the myth lives on, well then so does Luke – “nobody’s really gone…”

I love Star Wars.

I love stories.

#star wars #sw #the last jedi #tlj #last jedi #rey #luke #luke skywalker #leia #carrie fisher #anakin #myths #mythology #rian johnson #luminous beings & bad feelings

[sakurablossomstorm-blog]

Hi, huge fan of you and your fan fic!!! I would love more of the little wonders universe it's truly amazing

Thank you!! You may have more!

A Sea of Green.

Also on ao3.

~~

She could see them out of the window.

Leslie was just trying to finish her day of teaching when it caught her eye. She could see Ben standing by the gates, with Shauna next to him. She was laughing and smiling sweetly at him.

It made her blood boil. She’d known Shauna for a while. Her son was in the fifth grade (his father was supposedly Bobby Newport, but he denied it.)

Shauna had a habit of dating a lot of men. She always seemed to have a new boyfriend every other week, and now here she was, draping herself over Ben, trying to make herself look as attractive as possible.

He was smiling back at her, which made her heart ache. Even though his hands were in his pockets, he was still grinning and laughing along at her.

It shouldn’t have made her jealous. She knew he was just being polite, but a part of her wanted him to push Shauna away and tell her that he wanted to be alone.

The fact that he didn’t made Leslie a little annoyed at him.

Then, Shauna threw her head back in what looked like a terribly fake laugh. Ben must’ve said something funny, or something she was pretending to be funny. That’s when she reached out and touched Ben’s arm.

Ok. That hurt.

Leslie quickly turned away. That was definitely something. She was definitely flirting with him, and Ben wasn’t telling her off.

She looked at the clock. It was time to let the kids finish for the day. She forced a smile on, trying not to look at Zoey, and dismissed the children.

They eagerly took their bags and lined up by the door, waiting for Leslie to lead them out. She opened the door and took them down the corridor and out the main entrance.

She watched as the kids happily ran towards their parents. She saw Zoey take off in a sprint and jump into Ben’s open arms. Ben kissed the top of her head and said goodbye to Shauna.

Their eyes met briefly, and Ben gave Leslie a soft smile. She didn’t return it. She just turned her head and walked back inside of the classroom.

~~

‘Are you ok? You looked sad earlier.’

Leslie ignored the text from Ben and tossed her phone under a pillow so she wouldn’t look at it anymore. She was hurt, and didn’t want to talk to Ben.

Sure, they had to play it cool at the school and act like they weren’t together. Other moms would surely have something to say about it, and she knew Ben wasn’t ready to deal with all that yet. He was still wanting to take it slow, despite the fact they had a lot of sex, almost in every corner of each other’s houses.

But talking to Shauna? That wasn’t ok. Leslie knew how Shauna played it. She’d act all cute and a little touchy-feely, and all of a sudden, she was married, Leslie would be single, and Ben would be taking her name.

God, she was so annoyed he would hypothetically do that.

There was a knock at her door, and Leslie sat it. It was 5:30 in the afternoon and she wasn’t expecting anyone. She’d even changed into her slightly embarrassing flannel heart shaped pyjamas.

She considered pretending she wasn’t in, but it could be important. So, with a sigh, Leslie clambered off the couch and trudged towards the door.

Standing on her doorstep, was Ben.

He had a bunch of flowers in one hand and a Styrofoam container in the other, it looked suspiciously like the ones from JJ’s Diner. He smiled crookedly at her.

“Hey. You want to tell me what’s going on?”

Leslie looked down at the gifts, and then back up at him. “Who’s looking after Zoey?”

“She’s at dance practice,” Ben explained. “Mrs Henley is picking her up, they’re going to get ice cream after.”

Leslie pursed her lips. “You better come in,” she sighed, and walked back over to the couch, leaving Ben to close the door.

He sat down next to her, laying the flowers in her lap and placing the container on the coffee table.

“So, spill?”

“It’s nothing,” Leslie mumbled looking away, suddenly realising how stupid the situation was. Ben didn’t do anything, he was just being polite and probably didn’t want to offend Shauna. Leslie knew Shauna was harmless, and usually took the hint when people weren’t interested.

“It must be something,” Ben said, reaching out and clasping her hand in his. “You can tell me.”

“I just…saw you talking with Shauna earlier,” Leslie finally said. “And it just made me…” she trailed off and looked away again.

She could practically see Ben smirking from the corners of her eyes. “Leslie Knope, were you jealous?”

“A little,” Leslie blurted out, turning back round. “I don’t know. You were just smiling and looking really happy, and it just made me realise maybe you’d be happier with one of those single moms. Then you’d be able to come clean and tell everyone and Zoey wouldn’t be under fire for favouritism.”

Ben rubbed his thumb over Leslie’s knuckle. “Do you know what we were talking about?”

Leslie shook her head, and Ben grinned. “We were talking about how she’s actually not going to be dating for a while. She’s learning to be alone and spending some time getting to know herself and what she wants.”

Leslie’s eyes widened a little. “Really? Shauna?”

“Yes,” Ben said. “You don’t have to worry about anything. And I don’t want to date anyone else. I want to date the woman who makes my daughter happy, and who makes me happy too.”

Leslie looked down at the flowers in her lap, it was a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers. “I’m sorry, I just got a little crazy.”

“It’s allowed,” Ben said kindly. “I knew something upset you earlier, so I thought I’d try and cheer you up.”

He nodded towards the container. “I swung by JJ’s and got some waffles.”

Leslie beamed up at him, her eyes sparkling. “You did?”

Ben nodded. “Plus, there’s a can of whipped cream in my car. My hands were full earlier so-”

He was cut off by Leslie pushing her lips against his. She could feel Ben chuckle a little as he kissed her back. The flowers got a little crumpled between them, but Leslie managed to push them to the side as she climbed into Ben’s lap.

“You’re amazing,” Leslie said, nibbling at his lower lip. “I love you.”

The words were out of her mouth before she realised. She leaned back a little, alarmed. Ben was staring back at her, his eyes widened slightly.

“Oh God. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…it slipped out,” she babbled nervously. “I’m an idiot, can we pretend that didn’t happen?”

But to her surprise, Ben smiled back. “No, we can’t pretend that didn’t happen. Because then I wouldn’t be able to say that I love you back.”

Leslie’s mouth dropped open. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, nodding. “I love you too.”

Leslie exhaled. “Oh, thank God,” she breathed as she pushed back into him, her lips finding his.

It didn’t take long for Leslie to find her clothes on the floor, and Ben’s jeans pooled around his ankles. He was pushing up into her, groaning into her shoulder, and Leslie was clenched around him, growing closer to climaxing.

She was stupid to ever think that Ben wasn’t interested anymore. She knew that now, and really, what was she supposed to do after hearing that he loved her? She was instantly aroused and needed him in her as soon as possible.

Ben grunted, thrusting up into her, using every muscle in the lower half of his body. He moaned loudly, his thumb flicking Leslie’s clit, causing her to fall over the edge, crying out his name. Ben followed, not too long after.

Ten minutes later, they were sprawled out on her couch, Leslie drifting in and out of sleep. She wasn’t one who usually fell asleep so early in the afternoon, but there was something about an impromptu fucking and jealousy that took it out of her.

“I have to go relieve Mrs Henley,” Ben murmured, looking at his watch. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m perfect,” Leslie said, kissing his palm. “Thanks for today.”

“Don’t mention it,” Ben said. “It was the least I could do.”

He leaned down, picking up his boxers and pulling them back on. “We should go somewhere this weekend. You, me and Zoey. We can get out of town, go to Bloomington or something?”

“I’d like that,” Leslie said, her heart fluttering.

Once Ben was dressed, Leslie wrapped an afghan around her body and walked him to the door.

“I hope the waffles still taste good re-heated,” Ben said, after he walked back from his car and handed her the whipped cream can.

“Of course they will,” Leslie retorted. “JJ’s waffles always taste good.”

“I’m glad,” Ben said. He leaned in, kissing her one last time.

“I’ll call you later?”

Leslie nodded. “I’d like that.”

“Good,” Ben smirked. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Leslie replied back, and, with one last squeeze of his hand, Ben walked back towards the car.

Leslie sighed dreamily as she closed the door and opened up the waffles. After all that, they tasted perfect.

#parks and rec fics #Anonymous

[pawneewafflesben]

Prompts 1, 2 and 24 please you magnificent stack of pancakes with whipped cream on top ❤️

I FINALLY DID THESE IT TOOK ME LIKE WEEKS BUT HEY I DID THEM!!! Also The second Drabble prompt is a follow up to Kissing After Midnight ❤️ thank you for sending these in you amazing ray of sunshine!!

All of these are on AO3, the first and last in Tumblr Prompts and the second is its own fic titled "the most important," I'd link them but I'm too lazy to get off mobile...

1.“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

It shouldn’t be so difficult. They spent months being just friends.

Months where the most physical contact they had was a hand shake or a congratulatory hug. Months where thoughts of being anything but friends with Leslie were buried away, because there was no way she felt that way too.

But that was before. Before Ben kissed her right outside Chris’ office. Before they agreed that it was worth the risk if they could be together.

Together.

It’s been nearly a month since they decided they couldn’t be together anymore. For her campaign, for her future, to avoid a scandal. It was for the best.At least, that’s what Ben kept repeating in his head.

It’s for the best, as he stops himself from grinning at her like a lovesick puppy from across the conference room table. It’s for the best, when he’s eating soup alone on a bench, instead of sneakily eating lunch with Leslie. It’s for the best, when he feels angry and offended and slighted at the fact that Leslie moved on so quickly. As if there had never even been a together.

As if they were always “just friends.”

At those words, it takes all of Ben’s strength not to kiss her breathless and explain to her that “we’re not just friends, and you fucking know it.”

Because that’s their sad truth now. Just friends.

And when Leslie smiles at him in passing, Ben knows that’s all they’ll ever be.

2.“Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry”This takes place after my fic "Kissing After Midnight.”

By some source of magic Leslie sleeps in until 6:30. Smiling softly at the very faint rays of sunlight just beginning to sift through her blinds, before snuggling into Ben’s arms.

Except she doesn’t feel Ben’s arms wrapped around like she had all through the night.

No, instead Leslie rolls over to a very empty left side of the bed. No messy haired Ben telling her to go back to sleep by kissing her shoulder. No long fingers combing through her hair or rubbing circles on her hip.

Just an empty bed.

Leslie tries reasoning with herself as she crawls out of bed. Trying her absolute hardest not to let her mind spiral. Because this is Ben. And there’s no way that Ben, her absolute best friend since kindergarten, would sneak out of her apartment after ridiculously amazing sex.

“He’s probably just in the shower or bathroom,” Leslie tells herself as she pulls on pajama pants and her old Harvest Festival t-shirt before making her to the kitchen. Walking through her room that no longer had different articles of Ben-clothing scattered across the floor.

She bites back the disappointment and sadness when she walks by the very empty and very Ben-less bathroom.

Leslie feels her eyes brim with tears when she walks into the kitchen, once again Ben-less. She pierces her eyes shut, willing herself not to cry over a boy. Knope girls should not cry over boys.

Even if said boy is an amazing friend and adorable nerd with a cute butt, who only showed up to a New Years Eve party because he found out she was there.

There might’ve been a family emergency, Leslie thinks to herself as she stands on her tiptoes to grab the brownie mix. Ben would tell her that brownies aren’t really breakfast food if he was here.

But he’s not. Because he left. Without so much as a “see you around,” before leaving. No matter how much her heart would like to insist that Ben would never just leave like that; Leslie feels herself bitterly realizing that that is indeed the reality.

It shouldn’t hurt, they never even said they were dating, it was just one night. Leslie repeats that phrase in her head over and over, as she spoons the brownie batter into a pan and places it in the oven.

Leslie tries to tell herself that it’s pointless to be upset. They weren’t dating. They were never dating. Absolutely not couple. The complete opposite of a couple, really. So she really has no reason to be-

The sound of the front door unlocking immediately brings Leslie back from spiraling thoughts. She expects it to be Ann, even though beautiful sun ray Ann Meredith Perkins would never wake up this early.

But it’s not Ann.

It’s Ben.

Ben holding onto the spare key to her apartment in one hand and two styrofoam containers from the nearby diner in the other. Wearing the same clothes as the night before with hair just as messy and unkept as when he fell asleep on her shoulder.

Ben grins at her like he’s the happiest he’s ever been, Leslie’s 99% sure that his face could easily split in half from his smile.

“Well I see my plan to wake you up with waffles was a bust-”

Leslie’s heart flutters and she feels the tears that she was holding back start to leak from the corners of her eyes.

“I really need to get that absurd idea of actually waking up before you out of my head and,” Ben’s smile falls the second he catches a glimpse of Leslie’s teary eyes. “What’s wrong, is everything okay?” There’s genuine panic and concern laced through his words as Ben walks over and pulls Leslie into a hug.

He pulls back, only slightly, to kiss away the tears. No, not brush away her tears, kiss away her tears. Leslie’s heart all but bursts because that’s definitely a knew phenomenon that she has no trouble admitting she could definitely get used to.

When he’s kissed every inch of her face that had a single trace of a tear, Ben lets his forehead rest against hers. His brow still wrinkled in concern as he whispers “please don’t cry, I can’t stand to see you cry.”

Leslie somehow forces a soft smile before whispering, “you kissed away my tears.” It’s not exactly what she wanted to say, but it’s what comes tumbling out of her mouth and she can’t seem to form any sentenced to take it back.

Ben softens, most of his worry slowly slipping away, and nods before pecking her nose. And then he freezes. “Is- is that okay? I know we didn’t really talk about it last night, but I just kind of assumed… Unless you know you don’t, that’s okay! We can go back to just being uh, just the friend thing? It’s your, it’s whatever you-”

Leslie kisses him before he can continue babbling.

“You do that a lot.” Ben murmurs into Leslie’s hair as he hugs her closed.

“Do what?”

“Kiss me to shut me up,” Leslie doesn’t have to be looking at him to see the smirk she’s sure he’s making.

“Well, It’s effective,” she whispers into his shirt before pulling away slightly, “come on let’s go eat those New Year’s Day wake up waffles.”

“Alright, then we’ll talk about what was bothering you so much?”

Leslie shakes her head while opening the styrofoam container, “it wasn’t important, just stupid-”

Ben’s warm hands are on her shoulders, turning her to face him before she can even finish the sentence. “Nothing about you is ever stupid, Les.” His eyes that normally resemble chocolate brownies are a little dark this morning, more serious, more concerned. He peppers featherlight kisses across her cheeks, waiting to see if she’ll tell him what was wrong.

Ben’s kissed her nose for about the fifteenth time when Leslie finally blurts out, “I thought you left,” Ben frowns at her words, opening his mouth to likely assure her that he would never leave, but Leslie continues before he gets the chance.

“I thought you left and I was upset and disappointed because I didn’t think you would do something like that. Then I thought maybe it was a family emergency or something, but I was really just worried that you’d left and I can’t not have you in my life. You’re too important to me.”

By the time every thought and feeling had spilled from her lips Ben was kissing her again. Similar to how he had last night, but different, softer and more calculated. As if he had to catalogue every detail and make sure that this was the best kiss for Leslie. (It was.)

“I’m not going anywhere Les,” Ben mumbles against her lips after their kiss, to happy to pull away from her completely. What he says next is practically inaudible. A quiet whisper as if he’s telling her his deepest secret. “You’re the most important person to me.”

24.“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

“I just, I don’t get it!! I mean I’m their father, Leslie! I raised them!!”

“We raised them, yes.”

“We put a roof over their heads! We’ve given them food!! Healthy, safe lives!!!” Ben fell back onto their bed, fingers running through his hair in frustration and chest heaving from his angry rant.

Leslie simply nodded, not a trace of anger or annoyance on her face. Slowly wrapping her arms around her husband’s taught but powerful frame and kissing his cheek. “I know, babe. Let it out.”

Ben groaned as his brow furrowed and jaw clenched, “I just, I feel so disrespected! Leslie we do everything for them!! Everything!! And how do they repay us?” He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head in disbelief. “I just don’t know how I’m supposed to move past this!”

Leslie murmured her agreement against Ben’s neck. Lips nipping and sucking at the skin as she slid into his lap.

“And I know they’re our children so I obviously love them forever and completely unconditionally, but I’m just so mad and-” Ben froze at the sudden realization that his shirt was almost completely unbuttoned, and Leslie’s hands were reaching behind him to grab at his butt.

“Wait what’s happening right now.”

Leslie bit back a cackle and continued kissing down Ben’s neck before whispering, “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad,” punctuated by a quiet sigh of content.

Ben let himself relax to his wife’s touch, his own hands pulling her closer and tangling in her hair.

Leslie was lmost completely undressed when Ben pulled back, suddenly remembering the entire reason this started in the first place.

“Don’t you think we should talk about it? Figuring out what to do? Before we get all caught up…”

Leslie quirked and eyebrow, pushing herself up on her elbows to be more eye level with Ben. “Figure out what to do about what, Ben?”

His eyes nearly popped out of his head, “The, the kids Les! We can’t just pretend that incident never happened, we need to talk about what kind of discipline-”

Leslie stared at Ben incredulously. “Falling asleep during Star Wars does not require disciplinary action Benjamin.”

#my fics #benslie fic #benslie fanfiction #benslie fanfic #benslie #ben and leslie #leslie x ben #ben x leslie #leslie and ben #parks and rec fic #leslie knope #ben wyatt #Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt

[simplyadorkable-blog1]

Season 6, Episode 17 - “Rumspringa”

Jess is nervous about starting her new role as principal, so Nick and Schmidt take her on a relaxing day trip to Solvang; Cece helps Winston try to finalize his divorce from Rhonda.

“Welcome to Big Dinner, where the news is big and the dinner is regular sized. Not be confused with Big Supper, where we eat dinner and we watch the movie Big.” Jess welcomes us to the episode and I welcome you to this breakdown. Let’s just ignore that they watch Big often enough that they have a name for when they do so. Anyways, Jess and Schmidt have gathered the remaining roomfriends to announce their new promotions and as Schmidt puts it, “celebrate [their] final weekend inside the chrysalis of professional mediocrity before Monday, when [they] burst forth in fully pupated positions.” Let’s all give Jess and Schmidt a round of applause for their new positions as Principal Day and the Director of Non-Television, Non-Radio West Coast Marketing, respectively. Congratulations!

Winston interrupts their proud announcement with an announcement of his own: he has to divorce his wife, Rhonda. To be honest, I totally forgot about her. But Cece clearly has not because she tells Winston that she hates her. “Hey, that’s my wife!” Winston growls back, catching me entirely off guard and sending me into a fit of laughter. Nick comments that it was, “Such a good Harrison Ford.” Great point. Nick then interrupts the celebration to complain that Raisin said his room is stupid. Schmidt is livid that everyone keeps interrupting with all of their common topics. This is why he proposed Common Lunch! Too bad nobody showed up.

Jess tries to put the conversation back on the rails. She points out that she’s so happy and has been preparing for this job ever since she was young enough to believe leprechauns were real. Nick interrupts again to argue that they are real, Winston caught one. Before they can get into the leprechaun debate, Schmidt declares that it’s time for the rites of passage. To the tune of Pomp and Circumstance, Jess presents Schmidt with a new set of business cards and Schmidt presents her with her principal’s blazer. The thought that these two had this entire performance planned out might be funnier than the actual act. It’s quickly made clear that her blazer doesn’t fit and we skip to the middle of the night when Nick finds a frazzled Jess crazily adjusting it.

The next day, Nick approaches Schmidt to get a second opinion on his bedroom. Schmidt agrees with Raisin that it looks like he lives in an abandoned daycare. Nick disagrees because he knows exactly what that looks like. Queue flashback of little Nicky left in an abandoned daycare which is totally plausible considering his dad. “Okay, we need to talk about that a lot more later,” Schmidt is alarmed, as if he was also transported into the flashback. Nick changes the subject to Jess and how she is freaking out about work because he’s still the sweet, attentive guy we know and love.

The pair check on Jess in the kitchen, where she’s still crazily working on her blazer. She unconvincingly tells them that’s she’s “gawd.” Concerned, Nick and Schmidt retreat to his room to figure out how they are going to help. Nick reminds Schmidt of when he helped Schmidt in college by taking him on boy rides Rumspringa. We’re also informed that Schmidt took an Intro. to Environmental Feminism class—what even? Anyways, the decide to take Jess on a little Rumspringa of their own.

Meanwhile Cece is at the bar with Winston and Aly as they wait for Rhonda. Aly cutely coos over her ring and Winston grosses us out by saying, “I love that ring on your finger. I want to bite it off, and swallow it, and then digest it properly. And give it back to you in a day and a half.” This moment is interrupted by Rhonda’s sudden entrance. She’s holding a baby. Hopefully everyone caught onto her prank immediately because if not, Winston’s, “Now you listen to me, baby. My father walked out on me, and I swear I will never do that to you,” line will break your heart. Hell, I even knew it was a prank right away and I was still in awe over Winston’s sweetness. Thankfully Rhonda doesn’t string Winston along and reveals her prank. As we know, Winston’s taste in pranks is terrible so he is the only one to laugh along with Rhonda. Rhonda explains that she borrowed the baby from her obstetrician cousin, Dave, who is also in the bar. Cece points out that that’s a felony, not the two police officers in the room. Aly tries to play nice and introduces herself to Rhonda. She congratulates the engaged couple, signs the divorce papers, and leaves. Can we all agree that despite how annoying her pranks are, her enthusiastic tone is hilariously perfect? Unfortunately, Winston opens to the folder to see that she used disappearing ink and effectively pranked them.

Back at the loft, Nick and Schmidt barge into Jess’ room where she has unknowingly added two additional sleeves to her blazer. How did that happen? Wasn’t she just letting it out? Anyways, the guys suggest a boy ride/Rumspringa to take her mind off of her first day jitters. Jess adamantly refuses, citing, “Rumspringa is a hallowed Amish tradition, not a one-day buddy comedy. Second of all, I don’t want to go to a casino or a sexual petting zoo.” Schmidt explains that’s why they’re going to an old-timey Danish town oddly located in California wine country called Solvang.

At the craft fair in Solvang, Jess continues to pout and tries to leave. Schmidt tells her he paid for all-day parking so she’s out of her mind if she thinks they’re going to leave. That statement is vaguely paternal so we better get a Schmece baby in season 7 (#reNewGirl). Nick encourages Jess to have fun and picks up a sign from a nearby vendor. “Look at this sign: “When has it become a crime to rhyme all the time?” So true! And it’s really funny.” “Somebody just thought of that,” Schmidt chimes in. Nick’s truly grasping at straws, but it’s so endearing, I wish Jess would open her unusually large eyes! Instead, she wants to go home and practice her morning announcement voice. Schmidt thinks she’s overthinking this and tells her to exude confidence all the time like him. Jess tells him he can’t skate by on confidence alone since he’s the boss now. This scares Schmidt so they’re both freaking out when Nick reappears with a folksy, old-timey reenactment guy. This somehow convinces Jess to stay—Nick knows her so well—and she springs into Leslie Knope mode and starts firing off questions. But if you ask me, I’m 99.9% that’s not the real Ben Franklin. Wait, what? Before she can get through all 87 of her questions, he offers them Aquavit, which is a flavored spirit from Scandinavia, according to a quick Google search.

I guess Rhonda is still close to the bar because she’s already back and laughing at Winston for falling for her disappearing ink trick. Aly is justifiably furious and demands that Rhonda grow up and stop acting like Dennis the freaking Menace. Rhonda thinks Aly’s dislike of pranks is basic and is worried about Winston marrying her. She goes on say she’s never going to give Winston a divorce and she’ll prank him for life. Winston tries to reassure Aly and they’ll figure something out. It turns out that that something is agreeing to help pull a group Rhonda so she’ll sign the papers with permanent ink.

At Solvang, Jess gets hammered on Aquavit and Nick buys a quilted jacket that he wants to make into a throw pillow. Nick is going full country-living. When Jess tries to buy more Aquavit, the vendor informs her that it’s 4:30 pm and they close early on Sunday. Nick tries to keep the party going by taking them to the Aquavit cellar and inadvertently locks them in. To be fair, he really does keep the party going. Jess immediately starts shouting out the tiny window in the door that they need to pupate. “They don’t know what that means. Say something more accessible. Help!” Yes, much better, Schmidt.

After over an hour of being trapped, Nick is still trying to distract Jess like the perfect boyfriend we all wish he currently was. “Our bodies are trapped in this cellar, but our minds can go anywhere.” He switches his attention to Schmidt, who’s shouting that he’s the Director of Marketing for Associated Strategies out the tiny window, and asks him to pick a number. Schmidt picks 23, which is wrong. Jess picks 19, which is right. Same wavelength, those two. Nick tries to entertain them by saying a bird is going to pop out from the cuckoo clock that is for some reason in the cellar. Jess rips out the bird in anger and yells at Nick that they’re adults and can’t handle their problems by forgetting about them. Nick finally cracks, saying, “You’re right. Maybe I handle my problems like a child. Maybe I decorate my room like a child. I mean, I even undress like a child.” His flashback of trying to kick off his pants has me in stitches. Does he do that every time? “I’m usually the rock of this group. Once you lose old Nicky Miller, the whole thing falls apart,” He continues and starts to drink a bottle of Aquavit.

We return to Rhonda’s prank where Cece and Winston, dressed as nurses, rush into a delivery room with Rhonda covering her face on the bed. Dave, our second favorite New Girl female health practitioner, is in the room and lifts up the sheet to take a look. Aly’s jelly-covered head is poking up through a hole in the cart and scares Dave. She deadpans, “Wah. I’m a baby. I’m coming out.” Rhonda then reveals herself and “Rhonda’s” Dave. Aly crawls out from under the cart and starts to freak out that her skin in burning. Winston rushes to Aly’s side, worried. Rhonda apologizes to Aly. Rightfully so, because she just got Aly’d. Rhonda is impressed with her prank game and agrees to sign the papers and gives the couple her blessing.

Back in the cellar, it’s now 4:00 am. The guys have been peeing in bottles for hours and Jess is sad that she’s missing her first day. Nick promises that once they get out, he’s going to start growing up. He says there’s so much he wants to do like try cilantro, figure out what NASDAQ means, and not shimmy out of his pants. He also apologizes to Jess for kidnapping her, he just hated to see her with first-day jitters. Can they just start dating already? Jess realizes she’s being silly, she’s been preparing for this job her entire life. Nick suggests they toast with a bottle of champagne, which Schmidt points out has a wire around the cork. He channels his inner Nancy Drew and picks the lock, allowing them to rush out. Upon arriving at their car, they realize that they’re all too drunk to drive. Thankfully, Schmidt exchanged numbers with the reenactment guy and he comes to the rescue with the promise of getting on The Price Is Right.

Cece, Winston, and Aly’s storyline wraps up back at the the loft. The divorce papers are finally finalized. Winston assures the ladies that they’re good since the longest disappearing ink on record is only 42 minutes. Shouts to the blog I follow who pointed out that Winston has that memorized. Aly admits that she actually had a good time pranking Rhonda and that they could get into it as a couple. They can prank, have sex, and pet the cat. #RelationshipGoals. Remember when Winston’s proposal included his complicated relationship with God? Well it’s true, because he goes off on a tangent about how we are pranks because God pranked the animals with us. Aly finds this endearing and they kiss. Meanwhile Cece notices that there are adoption papers among the divorce papers and that Rhonda adopted Aly in Liberia. I guess she got the last laugh…? I hope that’s just a throw away line because I’ve had enough incestual relationships this season.

Jess makes it to her school just in time for morning announcements, but when Nick encourages her to get out of the car and be principal, she suddenly gets nervous again. Nick, like the sweetheart he is, asks Schmidt for a minute alone with Jess. Schmidt exits, saying, “Sure. A grown man standing around a bunch of ten-year-olds, holding bottles of his own urine. What could go wrong?” Now alone, Nick tells Jess he knows what’s wrong with her. She’s scared that she’s reached her goal. Jess admits it’s stupid, but Nick disagrees. “And as a guy who has never had a path like that, I’m personally really excited to see what happens next.” Then they stare into each other’s eyes. Jess, freshly emboldened, gets out of the car. She takes a few steps before realizing she forgot her blazer. When she turns back to the car, Nick gives her his new, quilted jacket. “But I thought you were going to make a pillow out of that,” Jess tries to give it back. “Ah, it won’t fit in my room. It’s not a good style for me. It looks great on you.” Jess thanks him and says, “And, Nick, I… I like your room the way it is. It already has a style. It’s… it’s you.” They smile at each other again and my heart breaks that they’re not together yet.

Originally Aired 2/21/2017

#New Girl #Season 6 Episode 17 #Rumspringa #Recap #Breakdown #Spoilers #Zooey Deschanel #Jake Johnson #Hannah Simone #Max Greenfield #Lamorne Morris #Nasim Pedrad #Episodes #simplyadorkable

[prayingwithfeet]

Mercy Continues

Even though life has been in the way of updating this blog, that does not mean my thoughts have stopped…nor my experiences as a pilgrim.

My pilgrimage to Assisi, Rome, and Krakow has seemed to have left an indelible mark on my spirit. During my travels, I visited new places and returned to old. I met new people and saw familiar faces in a different light. I tried new things and engaged in the same routine with a renewed vision. I walked through doors of Mercy that have been opened to pilgrims for hundreds of years, strolled down roads in the home town of saints, and stood in silence before the Gates of Hell.  I visited the home town of a beloved pope and listened to the wisdom of another. I found joy in difficult moments and saw hope flourish from the ashes of hate. 

My suitcase didn’t come back heavier with souvenirs. I couldn’t seem to stop for a moment to go shopping because I wanted to experience every movement to it’s fullest. I did end up bringing back with me two things: Mercy and Trust. 

As it was the Year of Mercy, this is a no brainer.  The Divine Mercy Chaplet was said throughout the pilgrimage, we walked the pilgrimage walk of Mercy in Rome, and in every reflection we heard from the Pope, a Cardinal, Bishop, Priest, Deacon, or Lay Person Mercy was in their words.  We were in the chapel where Christ asked us to pray for Divine Mercy and received Mercy through the sacrament of Reconciliation in its shadow.  

In the Field of Mercy pilgrims could receive the sacrament of Reconciliation. In the background is the Shrine of Divine Mercy built next to the small chapel (green roof) where St. Faustina received Jesus’ message to give the Divine Mercy Image to the world along with the Divine Mercy Chaplet. 

Trust was another gift that was given. On pilgrimage, you often have to rely on the goodness and kindness of others. You have to trust others to lead you where you need to go or trust that you can find your own way. You have to trust that you can figure out problems when they arise. You have to trust that you will be able to walk when you feel like your feet cannot carry you any further. The phrase “Jesus, I trust in You,” echoed in my heart with every step I took. When I faltered and failed to trust, those words came back and I literally saw the light (true story: I was looking for a candle during the evening vigil in Campus Misericordiae and started to panic with the thought that I wasn’t going to take part in this important moment. I left my group and found found where they were distributing the candles. Relieved, I came back to my group, only to find that they already received candles. Should have trusted…).  

Me waking up in Campus Misericordae along with a million of my closest friends. 

So why am I writing this now? I’ve been back for six months. Why now?

My beloved country is on the eve of a tradition that has taken place 44 times in its history: the peaceful transition of power from one president to another. There are strong opinions and thoughts on both sides. Celebration and fear. Hope and despair. Optimism and pessimism.  Activism and apathy. Civility and bullying. Pulling each other up while some push others down. We’ve seem to be a country of extremes. 

While I am not happy with the results of the election, as we were reminded while watching “Sherlock” on PBS, “It is what it is.” We can’t change the results of the election. We just can’t. But we can change how we respond. 

My prayer for the United States of America is three fold: One for Mercy, One for Trust, and one for Unity.

Prayer for Mercy: Mercy, as I have come to understand it, is the loving compassion we can show another person, even if we feel like they don’t deserve it. Giving and showing Mercy is one of the strongest things anyone can do. This election cycle has challenged me in this aspect. I am not a fan of the man that was elected president. His words and deeds have hurt me, have marginalized others, and have been against my values (especially on the topics of giving dignity to each human life). And yet I am called to love him as a child of God. I am called to give him Mercy. That does not mean staying silent when his actions will end up hurting others or go against the values of Catholic Social Teaching. It is the duty of every citizen to speak up for the marginalized and give voice to the voiceless.  But we must do it with Mercy. We must speak about our neighbors with compassion and understanding. We must continue to give and be love even if we don’t agree. At the end of the day, our next president is just a human man, with faults and, though this is an assumption, a sad, lonely life. And our neighbors who we disagree with want to find their place in the world as much as we do. Name calling and spewing hate will not win battles. It will only deepen the wound. As St. Faustina wrote, “Be always Merciful.” 

Prayer for Trust: There’s a lot of apprehension and uncertainty within many of my fellow citizens, myself included. Change is scary especially if we didn’t want the kind of change we are receiving. If we are to look to someone’s past as a predictor of what they might do in the future…well, we might have the right to be nervous. Those who depend on the Affordable Care Act for health insurance are right to be concerned that they may loose it. Those who depend on the DREAM act to receive dignity as a worker have a right to be anxious. There is a lot to be uncertain of and we have the duty, the obligation to take action if our neighbor’s dignity is under threat. Even through all of this, we are called to trust. “Jesus, I trust in You,” the saying at the feet of Jesus in the Divine Mercy image, isn’t there because it makes a pretty border.  It’s there because that’s what Christ is asking us to do: trust in Him. Through that trust, mercy can flow. Through that trust, our hearts open to loving others more purely. Through that trust, we find solace and comfort. It’s like when Jesus called Peter to walk out of the boat and into the storm. Peter initially thought that the safest place was where he was standing, on the wooden floor of the boat. When he gave in and allowed himself to fully trust in Jesus he was able to walk out into the raging water and clearly see the face of Christ. We might be walking into a storm of uncertainty and despair right now, but when we trust in God…oh the wonders that we can achieve! Imagine a world of love and forgiveness and mercy. When we open ourselves and listen to what God is calling us to do and to be, we can make something beautiful together!

Prayer for Unity: We can’t do anything alone. That might need to be America’s mantra for the next few years. I can’t do anything alone. When I push people away, I miss out on the opportunity to learn from someone else, even if it is a clearer understanding of what we disagree on. I can’t do my job without interacting with others. I can’t go to the grocery story without realizing that the food I am buying was placed on the shelf by a person, and before that, was packaged by a group of people, and before that was grown by human hands. Everything I own is because of interconnections of our existence. Martin Luther King Jr. once said:  “In a real sense all life is inter-related. All men are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be, and you can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be… This is the inter-related structure of reality.” When my neighbor’s house is on fire, I can’t stand there and watch it burn because my house might catch fire next. In order for me to succeed, my neighbor has to succeed along with me.  On the night I was searching for a candle, Pope Francis was delivering a homily. I remember very clearly hearing Pope Francis call for us the young people of the world, to do one simple task: Build bridges made of living hands reaching out to each other. 

There is so much good in each other that we miss it when we are focusing on our differences. When we are yelling and accusing, we forget to treat the other with love and respect as God has called us to. What would happen if we challenge ourselves to work with or talk to someone whose political background is different than our own? I’m guessing the bridges of prejudice and judgement would disappear and we will instead gain a deeper appreciation for the unique, loved person that they are. We might even find that we share some of the same values. In other words…

Leslie Knope is my spirit animal. I once, unknowingly, ate at the same waffle restaurant in Washington DC as she did in “Parks and Recreation.” When I found out, I about died out of sheer happiness. 

On this inauguration day, I’m going to spend it doing what I always do: go to work, interact with a vast array of people, and help whenever I can. I’ll probably add in there a Divine Mercy Chaplet (or 3). Join me in prayer if you would like. Exercise your constitutional right to express your thoughts and opinions. Be kind to your neighbor. Be Mercy. 

Pax et Bonum  Peace and All Goodness

Vicky

PS: I created a playlist that was inspired by this pilgrimage. Enjoy!

#usa #america #wydkrakow2016 #WYD2016 #world youth day 2016 #krakow2016 #Kraków #assisi #rome #catholic #divine mercy #poland #jesus i trust in you #leslie know #parks and recreation #pope francis #St. John Paul II #pilgrimage #inauguration #presidnet

[iosefkoranison]

SUPER INTENSE EMOTIONAL AND POLITICAL RANT I want to make sure you scroll past this/don’t read this if you have a lot of anxiety and depression about the state of the world right now

“ugh you’re so political” “can we not talk politics right now? I just want to relax and have fun” “this PC culture needs to stop” Okay so I understand wanting to relax and get away from it all. I’m Autistic and I have anxiety and depression. I can’t turn my thoughts off unless I’m watching a tv show or something else. I’ve lived my life being as distracted as possible. If I actually stop and let my thoughts run free I’ll lose my mind. I tried it once, like 8 or 9 years ago and barely kept myself together. But I still do everything I possibly can to help people and the world around me. Sometimes that just means being friendly or sharing posts on social media. Slactivism my ass. This whole anti-politics culture is what needs to stop. Because it’s what creates the hellscape this country has turned into. You can have political and religious and controversial conversations without turning it turning into fights if you work hard enough to control your emotions.

I try to avoid controversial topics a lot of the time because it’s so hard for me to speak clearly when I’m that angry. But it CAN be done. It’s hard, it’s REALLY hard, and it takes a LOT of practice. But it’s WORTH it. When we don’t talk about the important things that we believe, when we leave politics to “the politicians” and “someone else”, we end up with Trump. 

We end up with Republicans and sometimes Democrats and sometimes other people of political parties but mostly Republican/Conservative types gradually destroying what little good this country started with. What little good we’ve managed to claw and scrape out of it thanks to all the men and women and transgender people and nonbinary folks, primarily of color, who have often given their lives for it.

We end up with murder and death and terrorism and a looming spectre of war so terrible it could make every war in history seem childish by comparison. We are living in a world right now that I’ve only ever seen in movies and tv shows. This world is terrifying and absurd and should not be possible. I have a hard time speaking up for myself about a lot of things that bother me. About what I think or feel. Nearly all of my life has forced me into being closed off.  But I can't keep this in any longer.

I can’t do much out in the world right now. I can barely take care of myself, I hardly eat or shower or do any of the things I need to. I’m Autistic, I’m depressed, I have sleep apnea and bad anxiety. I’m an emotional and psychological abuse survivor. But I will be damned if I let this garbage continue.

I’m white, I’m a guy (I think). I have a lot of good things going for me like wealthy relatives and a decent house. My mom and dad worked hard to get us where we are. I have a lot of privilege and will never have to face the same struggles a lot of other people of a similar economic and gender/sexual orientation will. But if all I can do is share activist posts on social media and tell people what they’re saying is cruel I will.

I don’t think people who mostly avoid politics are cowardly if it’s for the sake of their sanity. I can handle looking at a lot of the horrible stuff that’s happening right now despite how messed up I am, but not everyone can. What I can’t stand is people who CAN handle it but choose not to because it “makes them uncomfortable”. UNCOMFORTABLE?! THAT’S NO EXCUSE! Smelling cooked chicken makes me really uncomfortable, almost nauseous. But if people’s lives were at stake that wouldn’t matter. 

If talking about politics only makes you “uncomfortable” then SUCK IT UP! For people like me, and a lot of other people like me, politics is a LIFE OR DEATH thing. It is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT to EVERYTHING in our lives. That kind of weak and selfish ignorance is why everything has fallen apart! How dare you. How dare you not do EVERYTHING HUMANLY POSSIBLE to better the world around you!

Now for some like me with a lot of mental or physical health issues, sometimes everything humanly possible is just not being mean to people. Sometimes it’s all we can do just to keep living. I do NOT fault people in this situation. Sometimes everything humanly possible is just smiling at someone who looks a little sad or tagging your friends in a silly meme you think they’d like. It doesn’t matter how big or how small what you’re doing is. Just that you’re doing it.

I saw a thing once that was from Parks and Recreation, the tv show. One of the characters Leslie Knope was saying “I did something bad. I’m a bad person.” And then the other character Ron Swanson said to her,  “It’s not that simple. You know what makes a good person good? When a good person does something bad, they own up to it. They try to learn something from it and they move on.” As long as that’s what you’re doing in any capacity, even if it’s just barely surviving. Even if you don’t manage to keep going and kill yourself because the misery is too much and you can’t fight it anymore. You’re not bad.

And it’s okay to take breaks. It’s NECESSARY to take breaks. You can’t be all activist all the time. If you spend all your time working you’ll break down and not actually do what needs doing. Sometimes you have to make yourself stop working and trying to help or you’ll just end up hurting yourself and others instead.

But taking all that into consideration? If you’re not taking a break because you want to have some fun, if you’re not avoiding the topic because it will cause your anxiety or your fears to take over your life, if you’re only doing it because the topic makes you kind of uncomfortable and you don’t like thinking about it?

You’re a coward. And you disgust me. People like that are JUST as bad if not WORSE than the people who actively make the world worse. Because if noboby sat back and “it’s not my problem” because they didn’t feel like it (not because they were trying to be responsible and keep out of other people’s business or stop themselves from trying too hard to help everyone like I tend to do), the people who actively work to do evil would be FAR less effective.

So get off your ass and DO something about this.

#me #trigger warning #politics #emotions #social justice #I HATE WHAT THIS WORLD HAS BECOME

[foreverdistracting]

Hi Grace, we haven’t really met and I’m not sure what Maya has told you, so I thought I’d let you know what my situation is with her or how she sees it differently than I do. I suspect she has no idea that this is my perspective and I trust you wouldn’t tell her anything that she wouldn’t be thrilled to hear.

Anyway….. oui. I dread writing this. Okay, So I have known Maya since the beginning of the summer. And I’ve been in love with her since basically our first kiss. Maya had smoked me out and took me to a movie for our first “date” and the entire movie the only move she dared to make was to subtly touch my thigh. I literally told her when we got to her truck “Are you aware you are driving me crazy?” She got the biggest smile on her face and I couldn’t help but pull her in and kiss her. That seems like so long ago now. Every day I’ve spent with Maya since I’ve been terrified trying of scaring her away, trying not to come on too strong, not letting my really emotions show. Not because I don’t want her to know but because I’ve listened to her talk about Mel over and over and over again. And I know how much she got hurt and I know how much she’s still hurting-well at least how much she was hurting last time we really talked about it. But I’ve basically been trying to get Maya to love me and commit to me for what feels like forever. I have no idea how Madi did it, I guess just because she’s known Madi longer that she trusts her.

So the only thing I am going to say about Madi is that I have heard nothing good about her/heard nothing good come out of her mouth. And the only proof I have that she is not treating Maya terribly and not abusive is that you wouldn’t let Maya date someone like that again. And that’s all I am going to say about Madi because it really isn’t my place to have an opinion about Madi. Also that every time she comes back from San Francisco Maya acts very distant from me, I know it’s probably just her feeling guilty about doing something without Madi’s full knowledge and approval but I don’t like it. Every time she comes back I’m worried that she’s gonna tell me she never wants to see me again.  

So now let’s have a quick summary of my big ex that broke my heart. Micah- I was working at a subway with him in Syracuse when his abusive ex started calling the store frequently, started showing up at his work to yell at him, and threating me just for being his coworker. I offered to let him stay at my doom when he needed to and he told me that if he fell in love with me, he wasn’t going to tell me. Something about him not being trusting, but it took me a week after our first kiss for me to tell him that I loved him and then he said it back. And I still love him today. We didn’t have the healthiest relationship but neither of us were ever abusive. I’ll admit that I became severely emotionally attached to Micah and it was a responsibility he didn’t want and couldn’t handle being 2,000 miles away from me. So we ended things in August and I’ve been dealing with it pretty well. We still talk, and I doubt things will ever be the same, but I still love him.

I still love my best friend Albert who took advantage of me a couple of times because I understand that our relationship has evolved so much over the last six years that lines were blurry. And we’ve talked and made our relationship better.

My point is this. I love quickly. I am picky and decisive, and I trust my instincts. When I know someone is a good person or not, I can see it. I knew from the minute Maya started talking about you, that you were the best influence and one of the best people in her life. And Maya can tell you how much a cheerleader I am for your success, and this is not an empty promise and I’m only telling you because if I tell you, I’ll feel accountable: I am going to get you a decent laptop somehow if you don’t get one soon. Grace, you are an unstoppable force of badass. You make Leslie Knope look lazy and you need a powerful fucking laptop. I don’t know how you function honestly and I’m in awe of you.  

My other point is that I’m aware. I’m aware that Maya needs Madi right now more than me, I’m aware that Maya belongs in SF and not down here, I’m aware of my role in her life, and I’m aware of my role in most people’s lives. I have helped so many people; I have gotten walked on and had my fair share of taking advantage of people. But I’ve learned. Maya has really helped me learn what a healthy relationship looks like. I know she has an enormous, great wall of china, barbed wire fence up; but she makes me so fucking happy. And I know how to make her happy. And right now, the best way I can do that is as a friend. And if that never changes-so be it. I just want her happiness.

Now since the beginning of 2017 I have been mentally stable with a few exceptions. Which is rare for me, it’s usually the other way around. But I’ve been pretty good and I’ve tried to stay very objective and plan and think before I say things. And I certainly didn’t expect someone like Jack to come into my life. He was exactly like Micah: trans(ftm), hurt, loved to sing to me. And I can admit I got wrapped up in that for a bit. But I kept getting to know him and I eventually realized he wasn’t anything like Micah personality-wise. I saw him for who he was, I can admit he can be a little much a lot of the time. But I’m also his only friend right now. And he’s upset. He thinks Maya doesn’t care about him at all because she treats me differently than she treats him. And it’s simply not true. Maya doesn’t love everyone in the same way and she doesn’t trust easily at all. But she cares for Jack, I can see that.

ANYWAY! Goddammit I’m already past 1000 words. I’m very sorry this was supposed to be brief because I know how fucking busy you are. So I’ll make my final point. I understand Jack. I understand that he is not well mentally. His mom and entire family still use his birth name and female pronouns with him. He drinks and his drug use isn’t the safest nor the smartest. But he won’t get better for himself. He doesn’t love himself enough. And it’s really sad. But I’m aware. I am aware how easily he could become dependent on me. Albert has up until recently been dependent on me for his happiness and staying in control of his life. But I broke ties with him for a bit and I see him about once a week. And my semester starts on the 14th, so I’m not going to have time to help Jack. But for right now I’m trying to get him started and I’m trying to get him motivated to want some kind of life for himself. Even if it’s not with me. I am perfectly content with the people in my life not being in my life this time next year while I’m hopefully at Cal Poly. No matter who comes into my life, my plan is still to go to Cal Poly and I know that’s where my life is going to start.

So I don’t know what Maya told you about me and Jack. But if she told you anything abusive, hurtful, manipulative, etc. that you saw as a big warning. Please tell me. I really am under the illusion that I have a handle on things and if Maya is seeing something that I’m not, I would really like to know. I tried to ask her but she just said “she can’t support some things.” Which was a super thoughtful and not-at-all vague statement. Anyways, thank you for taking the time to hear my side Grace. I really appreciate it, and for god-sake sleep every once and a while. Keeping kicking ass but have lots of fun too -Jess