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e-adlirez · 2 months

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Thea Stilton Treasure Seekers Review/Ramble

Behold, an impulsive ramble about a possibly-obscure trilogy that's been translated to English during quarantine-ish, adding to the obscurity.

So the Treasure Seekers, huh? :3

Coming out a little prior but more or less over the course of quarantine and thus a lot of people not having ready access to it, the Treasure Seekers is what turned out to be a trilogy of what it says on the tin: the girls hunting down cool treasures as a result of going down the world's biggest and highest-stakes scavenger hunt written a hundred-ish years prior to the present time.

Gonna be giving MAJOR spoilers for the first book in the trilogy, and there'll (probably) be one post per book in the trilogy. If you haven't read the book, here's a copy on the Internet Archive you can read before skipping ahead to the review, enjoy, it's pretty good. If you've already read the book or don't care about spoilers, please proceed below the cut :3

The story begins with the girls on summer vacation in Scotland. Shenanigans get started when they meet this old hermit woman who has in her house a mysterious heirloom tapestry with a mysterious poem on it.

The tapestry has this poem that talks about a place with sweet winds, petals that will lead you to something beneath them, something about midnight and birds, and an alabaster garden created for the "jewel of the palace" (like me to you), that is guarded by a friend with deep feet. Sounds like a whole lotta cryptic shnit the theory heads would enjoy :D

Anyway so the girls go visit Beitris (the hermit woman) the next day to return something they borrowed from her only to walk into a holdup :D

Said holdup-ers are these two grunts led by this mysterious lady hiding her identity under a black fedora and thick-framed Ray Bans. The girls deal with that situation real quick and get the guys to scarper (if you're wondering how they did that, "the police are coming"), and once it all blows over, they find that the thugs only stole the tapestry despite ransacking the entire place like raccoons. Such a realization leads to a revelation on Beitris's end, so she entrusts the girls with the tapestry's backstory in a segment I will describe as LAAANNNEEEE LOOOORRRREEEEEE (said in a MatPat voice, we'll miss you king :'])

The tapestry was a family heirloom passed down to Beitris by her grandmother Petra, who got it from her older sister Aurora Beatrix Lane, who is basically British Amelia Earhart. Wasn't into girly shnit, liked being outside and also archaeology, studied in the University of Cambridge as an Archaeology major and learned how to fly a plane, all while punting early 1900s gender norms into oblivion with her pants and motorcycle. Motorcycle queen, plane queen, archaeology queen, but then everything changed when this British Amelia Earhart did a British Amelia Earhart.

The context behind Aurora Beatrix Lane's disappearance is something relating to her work with her mentor Jan Von Klawitz, who was doing archaeology things with her and probably got up to some wild shnit, but we would never know because Aurora is very secretive about her plans and her destinations, and she only came home to the UK once, after her first trip, and that was when she gave smol child Petra the tapestry to guard because it led to "a very precious treasure", but she can't show it yet for the time being. The vibe was Aurora was planning on using the tapestry to show the treasure it hides once she's done with her archaeology shenanigans.

But then she did an Amelia Earhart but completely untraceable since she never revealed her destinations, so uh there's that :D

Back to the present, this little storytime from Beitris has gotten the girls sucked into a rabbit hole. They are now hyperfixated like nobody's business and this Aurora Beatrix Lane is JUST LIKE THEM FR, and as a result they decide that y'know what they still have a few days before classes in Mouseford starts, and while they're at it, they're gonna find Beitris's tapestry and maaayyyybeeee find the alabaster garden. First destination: Girton College at the University of Cambridge, Aurora Beatrix Lane's alma mater.

The girls take a quick jaunt to Girton by train and then by bus to have a lil' chat with the dean, who reveals to them that they're looking for the central archive if they're gonna be looking for the deets on a student from a hundred years ago, but uh the archive is closed for the day, please come tomorrow. (Wonder why, maybe it's because they rode from Scotland to Girton by train which takes a shnitload of time. /nsrs but fr tho I wonder if the original Italian had them drive over there by car-- they did rent an SUV, and going by car would be way faster, like it'll only take a seven-hour drive faster) They come back the next day, are let into the archives, and oop, they find a well-preserved diary with Aurora's initials hidden in the Stanley Library.

Y'know what that means, LANE LOOORRRREEEEE

So two months into her accompanying Jan on his excavations, she notes that Jan's been acting a bit sus lately-- being very nervous, being extremely protective over his luggage, being weird about hiding some of the relics he's found, and also a weird-ass incident where while exploring a small village's old castle, Aurora found a hidden chamber with a tome inside that Jan immediately snatched and was like "I'll take care of it don't worry, don't worry about the protocol stuff I'll be fine I'll take care of it". And then he went back to "normal" after that. Hmmmm.

A month later, while Jan was talking with one of his collaborators on their train to England, Aurora stumbled into the tome again, suspiciously in Jan's personal luggage instead of being properly archived and catalogued like it should've been. She read it, saw a thing about the Seven Treasures of the World, and that caused her protagonist genes to kick in since now she's now very tempted to look into finding them and showing them to the world.

After that, she went to some libraries to investigate and eventually decided to confront Jan about the whole treasures thing and his first reaction was he was pissed, calling Aurora a snoop and everything poking into his things. Then after calming down he said "just pretend to not see", but oh no, dear reader, Aurora was not gonna pretend to not see. She ain't gonna pretend to not see the fact that her mentor was actually a treasure hunter and collector who'd been using his occupation as an excuse to snatch some nifty treasures and keep them to himself like every European country who's stolen artifacts from Asian countries ever, ohohohooooo noooo, she's gonna do something about it.

The girls scuttle on over back to Scotland and Beitris, to find that uh oh dear, the thugs came back again and this time they were asking about the girls specifically. Beitris pulled the same trick the girls pulled to get them to leave. So NOW the thugs are looking for the girls for whatever reason and wanna know their deal. Anyway, the girls show Beitris Aurora's diary, tell her about the summary, and also that unfortunately some of the pages are missing, and the diary doesn't say shnit about the tapestry so far. Beitris helps by giving them a letter that Aurora sent to Petra about the tapestry and its treasure, but interestingly mentions that she should "only trust Robert".

Since I haven't mentioned him before, Robert Neville was Aurora's flight tutor, a flying medic, and was toootttallllyyyyy just friends with Aurora you guys they were totally just frie--

He is dead in the present time, but his nephew John Neville is a (former) lighthouse keeper for the Ar-Men lighthouse in the IÎe de Sein, Brittany, France. So the girls head on over there, land in France, insert a thing where Vi feels like she's being watched but is like "maybe it's just a me thing, I dunno".

They head over to the Île de Sein, find an old man who turns out to be John, are invited to his house, tell him about their situation, and John mentions that he himself has been researching like crazy too about Aurora ever since hers and Jan's simultaneous disappearance over the same place at the same time in the same terrible storm. And also the fact that Robert was totally devastated when he got the news and spent years looking for her. He gives them his notes that he's accumulated over decades of researching in his pastime (which amounts to just Aurora's trip to Mexico), and tells them that since Aurora was looking for seven treasures, they'll need to find out where her seven trips took place, which will not be easy because Aurora was extremely secretive, and she only made her first trip even remotely public.

First place is Mexico so might as well head on over-- oh god the holdup-ers are back to holdup.

The thugs snatch Aurora's diary and book it before the girls can do much besides get an impromptu ocean bath, and oh dear, the thugs' boss has them now, and it's not the mafia cosplayer lookin' woman. But that's something I'll address later :3

Nonetheless, they carry on since the thugs never stole John's notebook, and they use it to go to the Puuc Route in Mérida, Yucatán (sounds very specific until you realize that Mérida is the capital of the Yucatán, and one thing everyone and their mother knows about the Mayan ruins there like Chichen Itza) to find more clues.

They do some more research on the Puuc Route, find some clues about "an invisible place, guarded by the chattiest of creatures", discover that it means they have to go to Uxmal, get a dub against the unfortunately acrophobic thugs, and realize that yes, Aurora did in fact sneak another one of her diaries in there.

This one doesn't have as much Lane Lore to contribute besides a clue that the girls find leads to Kannauj, Uttar Pradesh, India, a city known for its perfumes :3 sounds like "sweet winds", doesn't it? Oh and there's also something about a place with two lakes, which turns out to be Lakh Bahosi, a bird sanctuary about an hour's drive away from Kannauj. The girls head on over and try to do some investigating, but it doesn't take them that long to find a pair of grunts struggling under the weight of a very familiar tapestry while their boss was struggling to supervise them with her heels constantly digging into bird sanctuary dirt.

Anyway so the girls concoct a little scheme to steal the tapestry and the thugs fall for it like fish for a fishing lure, and they managed to scatter with the tapestry. After getting to a private space in the sanctuary, they find a clue that leads them to a set of coordinates that they find is a beeg tree. Oh and the treasure seems to be a present that was made for someone close to Mumtaz Mahal, as in "the jewel of the palace", the woman the Taj Mahal was made for; and the tapestry has a set of coordinates that is leading them to a beeg tree, with deep roots/feet. Oh hell yeah it's all comin' together.

They get to the tree, deal with the mafia lady for a little bit, find the treasure, and it turns out it's a very exquisite perfume bottle made of alabaster called "The Perfume of the Earth". They find a little note from Aurora explaining the treasure and its value and the significance of finding it, and now the girls have found the treasure Aurora had been searching for, and now's the time for a villain reveal?

So I haven't talked about him yet and have glossed over this guy for the entire ramble. See the mafia lady, Cassidy? Yeah she's not the big boss here. It's this guy who has a whole secret base in Denali National Park, Alaska, and has been overseeing everything behind the scenes. And by everything, I mean everything: He was alerted to the whole thing with Cassidy's first raid of Beitris's house, found out about the girls' involvement, and for a good half of the book, was trying to figure out what the girls' motives are for interfering with his line of work and what they might know about this whole thing he's looking for, which is the alabaster garden.

This guy has been keeping tabs on the girls through Cassidy and her thugs, who've been stalking the girls ever since France. He and Cassidy figured out in Paris that the girls are Mouseford students on vacation, and he was the one who gave the orders to snatch the journal from there. He was the one who told the goons to tail them to Mexico, and he was the one who managed to look up the girls' names, backgrounds, reasons for being in Scotland, all from the comfort of his base in Alaska. And only then, only then did he go to India himself to supervise and put a cap to his goons' buffoonery.

Who is this guy? Well, he is a treasure hunter who just wants to enjoy the treasures Aurora Beatrix Lane has hidden from his great-grandfather a hundred years ago. That's right, meet Luke Von Klawitz, the current heir to the Klawitz legacy and the treasure trove Jan Von Klawitz left behind in spite of his disappearance. Unfortunately Jan was better (and old enough) to secure a family legacy of greedy artifact hoarding.

So while the girls were in Lakh Bahosi, Luke was too with the goons and Cassidy (who is not his right-hand man and more just... a subordinate trying too hard to impress him), being the babysitter with these guys on leashes, as he tries to keep their stupidity under control. He intercepts the girls as they're about to leave Lakh Bahosi, blocking their path, and asks about the alabaster garden. The girls obviously don't spill and prolly would've gotten themselves blackbagged and interrogated had a friend they made prior to Lakh Bahosi not shown up in her dad's truck and came in clutch. (It sounds cliche and like it came out of nowhere but trust me it makes sense in-universe-- after the girls left the friend's family restaurant that they were hanging at, Luke's goons came over to interrogate them about the girls and where they went. Subtlety, who is she?)

The girls bring the perfume to a nearby university so it can be brought to a museum, send the tapestry back to Beitris, and return home to Whale Island, to read the last bits of Aurora's second journal and presumably to

So that's the book :D I put in a LOT of spoilers, but I'd say that reading the book is still worth it because you'll be able to get the connecting tissues that tie the organs of this story together. H-hopefully this all made sense . .'''

First things first, if you're not used to how Scholastic kids' novels are written, then uh, you might wanna get used to it, because the English translation of Thea Stilton is very... that. It's not beating the kids' book allegations in English, unfortunately. On the brighter side, though, it's pretty good for Scholastic standards! The pacing's very fast, but it feels about right-- gives me the same energy as diving deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole and going to all sorts of places because of the hyperfixation responsible for consuming their sanity for all of a week or so. The dialogue isn't nearly as atrocious as the worst it's capable of being (oh trust me we'll get to that). The tapestry puzzle and how the girls work towards solving it is very coherent and logical for the situation they are in at the beginning, and it's very satisfying to see everything come together and for things to slowly make more and more sense in the poem despite it being as vague and puzzle box-y as it was.

The Lane family lore is very well-thought-out, and Aurora Beatrix Lane is the perfect spiritual predecessor to the girls, what with her love for adventure, love for travel, strong moral compass, and the strong compulsion to elbow drop every single feminine social rule under the sun. I can totally buy her being someone the girls would totally hyperfixate on researching, because she feels like that kind of compelling character-- a passionate young archaeologist who decided to put her own safety on the line for the sake of what she believed in and to dunk on Klawitz and his selfish (and very illegal) goals of hoarding the treasures of the world to himself.

As for the villain, I'll be real gamers, Luke Von Klawitz is probably the most intimidating if not terrifying villain in the entire franchise. He has drones spying on every corner of the world for him, he has goons he can contact at any time and have them do his bidding (to mixed results it seems), he has cutting-edge technology that he uses for terrifying means, all in the safety and comfort of his secret underground base in Alaska where he has his little basement filled to the brim with historical artifacts he's kept all to himself to enjoy. Lemme run this through you again:

He was able to learn the girls names, the university they're studying in, and why they were in Scotland in the first place, all without ever meeting them face-to-face or having his goons interrogate them directly. All he needed to learn all of this was the (not very helpful) research by Cassidy, and a few commands put into his world-connected supercomputer.

Are you intimidated yet? I sure hope you are :D this guy's got a lotta potential is what I'm saying. He's a bit of a brat who wants what he wants and wants it immediately, but he's also a bit of a chess master who looks over things in the background while his minions do all the work for him. Really the only thing holding him back is the incompetency of his goons, and technically it's not even that they're very stupid-- Cassidy and her grunts Stan and Max are very good at swooping in out of nowhere to wreak havoc, dip in and get out before anyone can do anything about it. They're decent if not good at the job they're usually assigned: low-level grunt work. Unfortunately they're not good at much else, which drove Luke insane this entire book, haha.

The girls' dynamic with Cassidy, Stan and Max was refreshing in the sense that the girls aren't always getting punted by them, and the goons aren't always taking Ls just from physical contact with the girls. Cassidy and the goons always had the element of surprise on their side, being able to show up out of nowhere and do their thing before the girls have time to even blink; but once the girls figured out their whole shtick, it was easy to learn that they are easily outclass-able by five mouse Oxford students in braincell count and thus act accordingly. They force the girls to think fast and come up with some snappy plans on the spot, and the girls force Luke to realize he hired Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, and Tweedle Dummy as goons :D

Now uh, I have been complimenting this thing the entire time, but there is one little thing I have an issue within this book, and that is the whole... Power of Friendship thing they've got going on throughout the book.

Yes, unfortunately, the Friendship Curse has claimed this hardcover series too, and while it's not the worst here, it's still... it's still a bit atrocious :D

For instance, the conclusion Cassidy and Luke come to for the girls' reasons for interference is "friendship". Literally, Cassidy literally says to Luke, "It seems they did it out of friendship, Sir", and then Luke responds with an evil cackle and is like "FRIENDSHIP? THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP DOESN'T EXIST IN THIS WORLD! AIN'T NO WAAAAYYYYY THEY'RE NOT FIVE SCHEMERS WHO WANNA GET THE TREASURES THEMSELVES", which is like... I don't get that vibe from Luke anywhere else in the book? Luke values efficiency and getting what he wants-- he's not hired Cassidy to be all buddy-buddy with her, he hired her for a job and she has to work to fulfill said job. He just wants competent employees, and y'know what, that's valid. Not a single part in that have I seen "ew power of friendship". It's very villain for the sake of villainy kind of energy, which I don't think fits Luke with the other bits of information we get of him? He's following his great-granddad's footsteps-- not a single minute of that did that mean "the spirit of friendship doesn't exist get yo head outa the cotton candy"

Then there's... how this applies to the girls.

inhales

WHY DID THEY MAKE VIOLET THE GROUP'S FRIENDSHIP PROPHET GRAAAAHHHH

I probably would make a full-blown rant about this at some point, but one thing I never liked about any of the hardcovers was how Violet of all people is the group's assigned friendship prophet. She'd occasionally make a comment about how uh something something the power of love is the strongest of all, and every single time I don't like it :D

Sure fine you can chalk it up to character development since her early months in Mouseford, but in the earlier books it's heavily established that she's the pragmatic one, the braincell keeper, the one who keeps the girls' group ADHD on track or the one who reminds them that "hey we've been at this for a really long time and it's now 2AM, we should really turn in now". Being a friendship prophet is a Colette thing, not a Violet thing, and I'm not trying to insult Colette or anything like that. I would be far more okay with it if Colette was the one to go on about the "power of love" because she's literally the HOPELESS ROMANTIC! She's the one with her head in the clouds, the one most likely to fangirl about ships in movies, the one who chooses to ship Romeo and Juliet and pretend to not see the entire second act of said play for the sake of believing in love.

If Colette had a line where she gushed about the power of friendship, I would've just chalked it up to "that cheesy-ass statement is something she'd totally say ngl", as opposed to the jarring whiplash I get from seeing Violet of all people call upon the Power of Friendship.

Again, probably will rant about this at some point (lemme know if you're into that idea), but yeah -m-

Literally just chuck the power of friendship bits and replace them with something more practical/realistic/grounded/whateveryouwannacallit, and it's basically perfect! Even the bits where the girls make friends on their journey is believable! Those don't have to be altered at all! Geuh it drives me insane, almost to the point of wanting to do something about it....

Well, that's enough rambling for today. I can't use up all my steam on this first book-- I plan on making ramblings for the second and third books, after all.

See ya Stilton fans, and for the newcomers from Twitter, welcome :D I hope you enjoy your stay :D

#geronimo stilton #thea stilton #thea sisters #book review #book rant #book rambles #unfortunately treasure seekers 3 isn't available on the archive as far as I'm seeing :'3 #which is disappointing because GWAAAHHH #not gonna give any spoilers but it and book 1 are tied for my favorite in the trilogy #i remember reading the first treasure seekers and immediately feeling nostalgic because i severely missed the girls treasure hunting #high stakes and all that crazy stuff that the older books delivered #tangoing with some crazy villains with some hella power and not like the latter four graphic novels did #i missed that a lot so having it in treasure seekers made my at-the-time 15-year-old self very happy #ipads dieded rn but once i get it back and fixed and hopefully not factory reset i should draw some treasure seekers doodles fr #maybe something like i dunno aurora beatrix lane #who knows :]

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bobparkhurst · 1 year

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dragon age au: the mercenaries (pt 1)

featuring bill, a human artificer, sadler a dwarven ranger and cooper an elven duellist.

“Didn’t we just finish a job?” Sadler says, not unreasonably he thinks, when Bill walks into their small, shared room with his latest announcement. He’s in the middle of re-wrapping a poultice on his leg, injured on their last assignment, and had been looking forward to a few more days of not doing anything much at all. Besides, Cooper had been making noises recently about visiting the recently rebuilt Amaranthine, which had sounded like an excellent idea when he’d been explaining it over drinks the other night. He’d always liked that city.

Bill doesn’t seem to hear him, which he’s pretty sure is a fiction on his part, but on the other hand he doesn’t really care enough to press the point. His boot makes a pleasing thud as he lifts his leg onto the table, to get a better angle at the wound. He wipes an errant bit of chewed rashvine from where it has spilled above the bandage and flicks the excess to the floor.

“Do you mind?” Bill asks. Sadler shrugs, and dutifully places his foot back on the floor, looking up at his friend with an expectant expression.

“It’s not like we don’t need the coin,” he says. “And this pays well.”

A letter is tossed on the surface between them and Sadler picks it up, frowning at the seal. White River? The place was far outside of their usual stamping grounds. From the other side of the room, Cooper pads up to the table, his bare feet making little sound against the grimy wood floor, and peers over Sadler’s shoulder with undisguised interest. He hears the intake of breath a moment before he reads what has caused it.

“Three hundred sovereigns?”

Bill, for his part, looks infuriatingly unruffled. Cooper is making a quiet choking noise somewhere behind him.

“I think we should take the job,” Bill says.

Mike holds up one finger as he scans the rest of the letter. Cooper hand is on his shoulder; he can almost feel the young elf vibrating with the thought of the fortune that could be coming their way, and he can’t begrudge it at all. Three hundred sovereigns… ancestors, the things they could do with that money. Fix their tower up for a start. The fourth floor was all but inaccessible for wood rot these days, and he knows that Bill has been valiantly not complaining about the way the door to his room doesn’t even close properly anymore. The stonework… well, that could do with a few reinforcements too. Three hundred sovereigns. Maybe they’d finally be taken seriously as a company.

His eyes narrow when they land on the details of the job. Ah. Well. Shit. Didn’t there always have to be a sodding catch.

“How do you know someone who’s going to pay us that much money?” Cooper asks. “People with that kind of coin go to bigger companies than ours.” His voice is hesitant, like he’s hoping that his question won’t take away the precious gift that’s been laid before them now. He’s smarter than people think, young Cooper, and sharp in a way that those wide blue eyes would never let on, but there’s a quiet desperation there too, and it sounds in the edge of his tone as he fixes his gaze on Bill.

Bill nods, gesturing for Sadler to hand the letter up behind him. His lips purse slightly, eyes darting away before he looks back at the dwarf. He doesn’t look back at Cooper. “I’ve known Bann Beitris since I was a child,” he says. “We grew up together, at Widald Keep.” The lines around his lips tighten slightly. “She kept in touch.”

Sadler has the presence of mind to push his chair back slightly into the young elf before he has a chance to question further. For as long as he has known him, some time a little longer than three years now, Bill has been reticent to talk about his past and none of them have pushed him to talk about it. It is the unspoken rule of the company: nobody needs to speak about what came before. Skill and loyalty is all that any of them are required to provide and Bill has given both in plenty. He’s not about to ask him for more now. He feels Cooper’s hip bump in acknowledgment against his shoulder; all questions are put aside, for the moment at least.

Bill pulls a chair up alongside them and drops into it, leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees.

“She's paying a lot to clear some sylvans,” Cooper says. He leans against the back of Sadler’s chair. “There’s more to this.”

Bill sighs a little. “I know,” he says. “I doubt Beitris would have written me if it was something straightforward.”

Sadler has to interject. “Magic trees trying to kill you are not straightforward.”

“That rather how much fire you have,” Cooper says. Bill shrugs in agreement. The kid does have a point. Sadler, however, will not be swayed.

“You’re saying this could be worse than sylvans? Am I the only one who remembers what happened the last time we tangled with them?” he asks, sharply, “Coop ended up in the river. Yes you - yes, you did, you nearly drowned and Baqoun had to pull you out. I almost lost an eye.” He rubs a palm over his temple, finding the deep furrow there of a long-healed injury. “We did lose Sylnera. That blasted nug-humper of an-”

“Look, we’ll get the full story from Beitris’ contact when we get there.” Bill interrupts, before he can get started on the memory. He straightens, flexing his hands against his knees, before reaching out and resting his knuckles on the table, inches away from Sadler’s own hand. “I remember, brother. I understand.” A pause, then, more softly. “I trust her. And she wouldn’t ask if she didn’t really need the help.”

Sadler studies his face for a moment. Bill looks back at him with his usual practised impassiveness, before softening under the dwarf’s scrutiny. For a moment, he looks young, younger than a hardened mercenary has any right to be and Sadler knows that he’ll be packing up his travelling supplies as soon as this conversation is over. He sighs, slightly dramatically and increasingly so when he hears Cooper snort from behind him.

“Three hundred sovereigns,” he says. “It is hard to say no to that.” Bill smiles wide. He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a small bag of coins that clinks impressively onto the table. “We got an advance for supplies.” He nods at Sadler’s bandaged leg. “Come on. Now we can afford to get your leg to a proper healer.” He pauses. “Whatever you’ve wrapped up in those bandages reeks.”

“Get me a barrel of ale and maybe we’ll be even,” Sadler tells him, though he’s sure his irritated tone is fooling neither of the other two in the room. “And none of that human piss. I know they’ve got Brakien in town.”

Cooper squeezes his shoulder.

“That stuff is disgusting,” he says pleasantly.

#posting this here before it gets cleaned up to go on ao3 #just to remind myself i've done it #sasrh au #dragon age au #bob: fic #sas rogue heroes #sas: rogue heroes

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thewolfisawake · 1 year

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🎥 Eriskyne

Send 🎥 for a random scene of my muse’s life

"Deorsa, mo luran, what are you up to at this time?" the nursemaid questioned. Eriskyne only looked up for a moment before burying their head back into their effort, "Nothing, Beitris."

"Oy, I've said many times that's mum not Beitris."

"You are nothing like her so I will not be doing that," the young child replied as they continued rubbing with their muller across the surface.

No instead they decided to continue with making this color from some of the flowers. They had finally come to this final step of taking the graininess of the pigment. So they dutiful spread it out with his muller. It was a vibrant peach mix with a golden sheen. They couldn't have something like this from the mortal realm but out in the Seelie there were flora of immense beauty in hues and tints artists would scramble for.

So absorbed in their work of smoothing and gathering were they that they hadn't heard the call of the master entering. Nor did they notice the saunter of their father until, "Child."

A gasp left Eriskyne as they dropped their palette knife, a splatter of the pigment scattering into silver laden locks. They turned to see Seòras. A tang reached their mouth as they called, "Sir?"

"What is it you are doing?"

"I..." Eriskyne looked to discerning gold and shied away. Looking down, they then met their gaze again. They revealed a vial of the peach and gold pigment and raised it to their parent's view. Its edged crusted with the bits scraped from their knife that they tried to fit in, "...I was making a paint."

Seòras examined the vial and the stained hands that held them. He picked it up between two fingers as if to get a better sense of the hue. It did tend to change slightly with the light. But then he dropped it, the glass shattering leaving a dribbling mess.

"How is it you have time for tomfoolery yet not your studies?"

"I have studied," Eriskyne defended, "even this I've gotten familiar with the flora and fauna here and understanding uses for them."

"But have you acquainted yourself with the history of families of the Court?"

"There is dozens of families, how can I--"

"Or come to understand the language?"

"--speaking sure but the difference between modern and older--"

"Can you even perform a simple waltz?"

"..."

Seòras looked at the child. He saw the paint splatter and stains that sullied any presentability. He noticed their awkwardness that stunted any of the natural regalness of their kind. He could hear the technicality in which they spoke which was still so much like her. Even with their progress and the locale he chose for their tutelage, he still needed--wanted--more from them. Especially if there was to be any chance to introduce them to the princess.

His gaze made Eriskyne shrink as they probably couldn't answer another of his questions. Accusations really but that wouldn help their case. They looked downcast as they heard, "All I am hearing are excuses and that your time is better spent away from frivolities."

"Beitris, come clean this up."

Eriskyne remained rooted, unhearing of the rest that had to be said. Instead their attention was on the blotch of color on the floor. Its form shuddered before sharpening into a colorful crystalline. A spiked bloom from under their power unseen by their father and a surprise the nursemaid.

It really did seem peace, in any of its forms, was not an option in this strange place that was to be their home.

#writings #did I try to make Seòras a mustache twirling villain #no #did he still feel like one with just a simple act #yes

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feraecor · 1 year

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✈️ 🐉 🥯 Khieri

@thewolfisawake | details about ocs! | Accepting

✈️ AIRPLANE — does your oc like traveling, or do they consider themselves a more homey person?

Homebody. Mostly because of the animals. There's always work to be done on the farm or a rescue operation being planned or adoptation event happening. They rarely have time to travel unless its to transport an animal.

🐉 DRAGON — what is your oc's favorite mythical creature?

Khieri loves all of them, of course!

But they have a deep love for kelpies. One of the first beasts that they ever came across was a wild mythical horse emerging from swampy water at full gallop. For some reason, the image has just always stuck with them.

Beitris is a kelpie mare that resides permanently on the farm. She's know to have the occasional foal and Khieri is always excited to have babies to help raise. The last two foals grew up into excellent therapy animals for a couple with a camp for trauma victims. Beitris was also Marin's surrogate mama (his new mama is Jaime @godforsakcn).

🥯 BAGEL — what does your oc's typical breakfast look like? do they usually eat breakfast?

If their brother isn't there to force them to slow down and eat, they'll often grab a granola/yogurt bar and a coffee on the way out the door. When Xev is there, they sit at the table like a civilized being and eat a full breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon and fruit. Lots of fruit.

#thewolfisawake #{Khieri -headcanon-}#~all the animals!#~khieri could go on about them for days!

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haematinon · 1 year

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My First Tumblr post! Sunset over the Wall of Beitris, painted for my TTRPG Fragments of the Past

#gamedev #ttrpg #indieartist #fantasy #d&d 5e #mythology rp #history #digital drawing #painting #artwork #art #new artist #artists on tumblr #architecture #sunset #lofi vibes #aestethic

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sedulityoutfits · 5 years

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New Outfit has been published on https://www.imvuoutfits.com/78917182

78917182

Outfit styled by #Sharlavay Attributions: Top by #Bridedesing Shoes by #YLB Hair by #Java Head by #Mikaelamj Skin by #Zephyr Tags: #imvu #sedulity #imvuoutfits #imvufashion #fashion #Beitris #Beitris_champagne #Cute #Cute_Sandals #Kira #Kira_Head #MIRU #PREGNANT #Pregnant #SHOP #SHOP_MIRU #Sandals #champagne

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charlotteinengland · 5 years

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Good things come in small packages, especially when its jewellery... 📿⚜️[Snippet from my blog post (COMING LATER TODAY)] . Even as I type I'm distracted by the beauty of the Beitris Bracelet... 📿✨ . @sylviakerrjewellery is back with another stunning collection, Beitris ⚜️ . Unlike anything else in my own personal collection, this bracelet seems very grown up to - elegant and full of movement with an equestrian twist... 🐎 . . . #SylviaKerrJewellery #CharlotteinEngland #beitris #equestrian #equestrianstyle #equestrianjewellery #horse #silver #madebyhand #madeinscotland #silverjewellery #jewellery #jewels #myjewellery #blog #beauty #beautiful #elegant #bracelet #silverbracelet #christmas #countryjewellery #countrylife #countrystyle #countryfashion #candle #vintagestyle #sword #british #england (at England) https://www.instagram.com/p/Brj7v0fhjlL/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=16dmja4h8y93l

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elsewhereuniversity · 7 years

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WARNING: contains non-graphic murder, violence, and brief mentions of bullying.

I really like the idea of Elsewhere University so I tried to write a thing. I hope I did the school justice (and didn’t offend the fair folk). :)

————————————————————————— She calls herself Angel and tries to live up to the name. She says please and thank you and sorry and excuse me with almost every breath and always with a smile. Ask her to share her food and she’ll happily oblige; ask what you owe her and she’ll respond with a wave and a smile, insisting that your company is payment enough.

You can find her in the churchyard on Sunday afternoons, offering to tell your future in exchange for the story behind your question.

Sometimes people will knock at her dorm room, heartbroken, homesick, worried, or just generally out of sorts. They leave after an hour or so, soothed with tea and conversation and carrying a few sprigs of peppermint. Peppermint tea, as Angel tells her guests, fixes everything.

There are rumours that Angel isn’t human, with her pale skin and perpetual smile. Those rumours quickly dry up when a too-bold freshman confronts her and she shows him the handmade iron clasp on the ribbon around her neck. She doesn’t, however, do anything to dispel the rumours that she has found favour with the gentry, or that she is somehow behind the minor accidents that happen to the tormentors and former paramours of her guests.

Angel does her best to be kind, to be helpful, to be accommodating. The gentry take notice. Angel reads the future in her cards for students with too-bright eyes and offers tea to students who flinch from the steel of her allergy bracelet. When they ask what she wants in return for her kindness she passes on the stories of unfaithful lovers and cruel classmates and leaves the rest up to them with an admonition not to do anything too nasty. She claims it’s easier on her conscience, not that anyone believes her.

Everything changes when Angel’s younger sister is Taken during orientation. (She names herself Beitris after a character in a story she wrote and follows a group to see the beehives… which don’t exist.) When she isn’t back by nightfall Angel takes action.

It should take more than a few minutes for Angel to leave her dorm room with a little bottle of salt and rosemary around her neck and a wooden dowel with iron nails hammered through one end in her left hand. It doesn’t, but it should.

The forest should not have lights and music coming from the ash grove. Evidently, no one has told the forest.

“Where’s my sister?” Angel demands of the first gentleman she sees.

“How should I know?” he sniffs.

“Where. Is. My. Sister?” Angel taps her weapon against the gentleman’s ankle with just enough force to draw blood.

“Ah! Singing! She’s singing!”

“Where?”

“Far end of the grove, under the blue banner.”

Angel moves swiftly through the crowd, mercilessly swinging her weapon into anyone who tries to stop her. She and her sister gather up the other Taken and leave without hassle. There isn’t really anyone left to hassle them.

“I thought angels were supposed to be nice!” calls the one gentleman left alive, trying to hide the fact that he was obviously favouring his iron-burned ankle.

“Sweetheart,” Angel drawls condescendingly as she turns to face him, “ did no one ever tell you that angels are warriors?”

#impractical-insanity-guide #stories #angel #beitris #evidently no one has told the forest’ EXCELLENT love the last line #submission

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valiantvillain · 8 months

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Some appreciation for Beitris' immaculate side-eye game.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 tav #bg3 oc #beitris #dwarf #sorcerer

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struungout · 1 year

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Tris a constant reminder that thicc thighs save lives.

Also, these two outfits are still some of my top favorites on her.

#dust of dolls #dust of dolls roze heln #legit bjd #ball jointed doll #my camspam #my doll: beitris

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katepeoart · 2 years

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Beitris @aliceliveson and Thierry @saumaz were wonderful to draw and I can’t wait to see them in action, thank you so much for commissioning me! I’m ready to watch Beitris go Apeshit

Commission Info

#dragon age #da #da ttrpg #ttrpg #ch: beitris #ch: theirry #fandom: dragon age

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bunnysrph · 3 years

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— 𝐆𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐂/𝐆À𝐈𝐃𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐆 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 { 𝐅𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒. }

below is a list of GAELIC / GÀIDHLIG names that are more commonly seen as FEMININE. they are in alphabetical order for easier access. they are of various origins, so try and be mindful of this. please LIKE / REBLOG if you find this list useful!

Ailios / Ailis

Aimil

Aingealag

Anabla

Anna

Aoife

Barabal / Baraball / Barabla

Bearnas

Beasag

Beathag

Beileag

Beitidh

Beitiris / Beitris

Bhioctoria

Brighde / Brìde

Buaidheach

Cairistiòna / Cairistìne / Cairstiona / Cairistìona

Caitir / Caitrìona

Caitlin

Calaminag

Ceana

Ceit / Ceiteag / Ceitidh

Ciorsdan

Ciorstag / Ciorstaidh / Ciorstan

Deirdre

Deòiridh / Deònaidh

Diorbhail

Doileag

Doirin

Dolag

Ealasaid

Eamhair

Eubh / Eubha / Èibhlin

Fionnaghal

Floireans

Flòraidh

Giorsal

Isbeil / Iseabal

Labhra

Leagsaidh

Leitis

Lili

Liùsaidh

Lìosa

Magaidh / Maighread

Marta

Milread

Muire

Muireall

Mòrag

Niamh / Neave

Oighrig

Olibhia

Peanaidh

Peigi

Raghnaid / Raonaid

Rut

Seasaidh

Seonag / Seònaid

Simeag

Siubhan / Siobhan

Siùsaidh / Siùsan

Sìle / Sìleas

Sìneag / Sìonag

Teasag

Teàrlag

Ùna / Una

#name help #name suggestions #character names #character help #character guide #writing help #rp help #rph

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beastlycheese · 2 years

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The Treaty of Abernethy

(Rumbelled for @reolf for the RSS prompt, historical marriage of convenience)

Gideon was brooding, he sat high on the ramparts looking down into his family’s compound. It was a chaotic scene in the bailey below, preparations were well under way for the festivities, a combination of Christmas and the Winter Solstice. The half built stone castle keep had been cordoned off to keep the little ones away, which had left space a bit tight below with all the temporary structures for the guests crammed in near the granary. Tables were being erected, carts unpacked and decorations hung. A huge pile of firewood was slowly growing to a height that could challenge their castle’s tower. His sisters Beitris (Beatrice) and Ceitidh (Katie) were showing off the flock of black faced sheep to their newly arrived cousins sending chickens and ducks squawking into the air, desperate to escape the stampede of tiny feet. It had taken him a while to spot his brother Lachlan, always up to no good, he was running from the kitchens, rubbing his head and stuffing his face with what looked like a freshly baked and stolen bun. He didn’t blame him, the smells wafting up from the kitchens were making his mouth water. His mother was organising the grandest feast he had ever seen. It was the 15th year anniversary of the Treaty that had brought his parents together and all their friends and relatives involved were gathering here for a big reunion.

A “feast fit for a king” his aunt had proclaimed it, his mother had pointed out bitterly that that had been last week. The visit was one of the reasons Gideon was not in a good mood. The visit of his grandfather, King Malcolm III of Scotland, had been its usual stressful whirlwind. The King had managed to insult everyone he met, had sent his father into a deep depression and had even made his mother bite her tongue. It had been the first year he had given any attention to him. The King had grabbed his arms and been dismayed at his lack of muscle, tutted at his long gangly legs - questioning his true parentage and despaired when he had admitted to being interested in studying and shown little aptitude with the bow or sword. The King had swept off to have words with his parents, and he’d been avoiding them ever since.

Leroy ruffled his hair has he passed on another circuit of the palisades, it had become a joke between them. Gideon had now grown much taller than the guard and he liked to tease the grump by ruffling the older man’s hair when he saw him without a helmet. Leroy could only reach Gideon when he was sitting now. The poor guy could only just see over the top of the palisade but no one questioned his sharp eyesight or his ability to shout up a storm if there was any trouble on the horizon.

Finally Gideon saw Baelfire arrive on horseback, he could face anything when his uncle was there, he always soothed his father’s nerves and brought light and laughter to every occasion.

Belle was completely flustered, rushing from the kitchens to the sounds of a new arrival. It had been chaos since the King’s departure, he always managed to get under everyone’s skin and she had the job of not only preparing for her guests and cooking up a feast but also soothing everyone’s nerves and getting them all back on track. She hadn’t had time to calm down her Rum, and as soon as she had time to get him alone she would get down on her knees and remind him what a special man he was. That thought made her laugh all these years and she still had a one track mind.

Belle saw it was her step-son Baelfire and family causing the commotion, he was all smiles swinging round little Beitris. His wife Emma was cradling their new born with a fascinated Ceitidh looking on. Their first born Henry’s ever widening shoulders held Lachlan aloft, whatever bun he’d snaffled from the cook was being crumbling into his cousin’s hair. Striding towards them, staff in hand was her handsome husband Ruaraidh (Rory), her beloved Rum, she could see the tension falling off him in waves as he embraced the family.

“The keep is looking amazing” exclaimed Baelfire, “it’s amazing how quickly they get these things up. Was Gramps pleased?”

“What do you think?” growled her husband. “It’s taken me all day to convince the stonemasons to stay on. Luckily the King” he chided “not Gramps - for goodness sake mind your tongue with all these small ears about, well he stormed off this morning, probably to another crisis of his own making. I’ve had to promise the masons a few days off to celebrate the Solstice or whatever is their thing at this time of year.”

Belle joined her husband’s side, his arm automatically wrapping round her back, leaving only to allow Bae and Henry to give her a hug.

“So let’s have a hold of the wee bairn then” Rum pleaded.

“Do not get broody again!” Belle giggled.

Emma was only too happy to pass the baby on to her father-in-law and get her hugs in with Belle and the children. They were soon joined by Merida, Ruby, Archie and a whole tribe of little red haired kids of various sizes. The air was filled with happy greetings and excited shrieks and laughter. Even Gideon, in the middle of the throng joined in with the happy banter.

It was much later when the group started to reminisce. The younger children had been put to bed, exhausted from their travels and the wild games they had played with their cousins. The fire had calmed from a furnace to a large camp fire. The revellers sat around it on logs or piles of blankets and furs, their faces glowing from the light of the fire and the burn of the peaty spirits that Merida had brought down from the Highlands. Their bellies were full and bodies tired from dancing and playing with the children. Everyone had caught up on their news and a contented silence had settled on the group, the pleasant kind that only comes with a group of old trusted friends, where no one feels the need to fill the quiet with inane chat. The fire crackled and the clear sky above provided a most marvellous display of the universe stretching out from them.

“So da,” Bae asked Rum, “you must be pleased how Abernethy has turned out all these years on?”

“What do you mean, surrounded by Angles and Saxons, far from home, building a giant stone penis substitute for a pair of murderous kings.” Rum grumbled, but smiled contentedly as Belle stroked, pulled and wound his long locks round her fingers.

“I think you will find that me, Belle and Ruby are much further from home than you,” complained Emma. “And,” she continued passionately pointing her finger at him. “We left the sunshine behind to come to this god forsaken dark swamp.”

“I happen to love this dark swamp, “ interjected Belle, “and especially the beasties that lurk in its depths”.

“You always were a strange one my love,” beamed Rum, kissing her neck softly.

“That’s not the half of it,” snorted Emma. “I remember her falling in the love with the top of your head”.

“What’s this story ma? asked Gideon, always keen to find out about his parents lives before the Treaty. “August told me that you were forced to marry da by King William.”

“What!” Fumed Rum, “Never trust a guy with a Roman name especially one known for telling tall tales. They say the victor always writes the history but some dress it up with ridiculous fancy. I heard him telling the ‘story’ of Macbeth the other day, the stonemasons were lapping it up. He had Lady Macbeth running round hallucinating blood, a ghost and three witches, who I think sound suspiciously like my aunts. I’m not sure where he gets it all from.”

“Travelling minstrels, I think,” Belle explained. “They always get a better dinner if they make any tale spooky for the kids. He probably thought he was on safe ground here since Macbeth met this end by your father’s sword.”

“As for our marriage Gid,” it is true that it was part of the Treaty, it helps to keep the peace for longer, mixing our blood, our customs, our families. I was brought up to see a marriage as my duty, to improve our standing and wealth. So yes Bae and Emma, Ruby and Harris, your father and I all wed to seal the deal. The ones I felt most sorry for were Duncan, your grandpa’s eldest he was sent to Normandy as a hostage, he’s still bitter about it now, and of course your grandma’s brother Edgar who was banished.”

“You insisted on that I seem to remember!” interjected Rum.

“He survived didn’t he! Belle fired back. “He was the last remaining prince with a claim to the throne, he was a threat to William and all of us.”

“Ooh here they go again” laughed Emma, “can’t believe you are still arguing this over all these years.

“Just like old times”, agreed Ruby.

“Doesn’t seem a second since we all waited and waited while these two shouted and argued over each last detail. While getting hornier and hornier for each other ”, included Emma.

“Until they suddenly went quiet and started making out all over the place” snorted Ruby, who was glared at by both Rum and Belle.

There was a silence while everyone secretly checked that Gideon wasn’t too embarrassed. Gideon stared at his feet, stood and growled:

“Don’t keep treating me like a bairn, I live surrounded by copulating animals and have learnt whenever I hear my mother sighing or groaning or making squeaking nonsense noises to not investigate. They are at it in every goddam nook and cranny of this place and it’s a large castle! With a final glare to everyone he grabbed a torch, lit it on the fire and marched off.

Rum and Belle stood to follow, but were motioned to stay where they were by Bae who followed his much younger brother.

“Well I think it’s cute how you two still adore each other passionately after all these years,” began Emma trying to cut the tension.

“Even though none of us dare go looking for you when you disappear” snarked Merida cuddling into Ruby’s side.

“Well I think that’s enough socialising for me,” laughed Rum, standing and pulling his wife to her feet. “Make yourself at home my friends, about time we disappeared.” Belle looked rather sheepish at that quip but was soon heard giggling in the distance.

Baelfire sat with Gideon on the ramparts, he didn’t speak, he knew Gideon would when he was ready. The moon was full, the firelight danced below and above the stars shone so brightly you felt like you could reach up and grab a gem. They could hear the distant chatter of the group below, the cry of a disgruntled sheep and the rhythmic footsteps of Dove patrolling. The big man had taken over from Leroy, his absolute opposite. One patrolled by day, the other by night. Dove was a gentle and quiet giant, Leroy tiny in size but loud and grumbly like an angry mosquito playing a drum. Nicknamed Grumpy he had enough hair for the both of them. They were never seen side by side. They couldn’t stand the jokes.

“I’m sick of being treated like a kid, “ sighed Gideon. “I’m old enough to look after my brothers and sisters, but too old to play with them. Grandpa says my father should be finding me a bride and that I need to leave and become a real man, a warrior and not a cowardly bastard like da. This kid August, from the village, says my father is a bastard and a beast, that I will be sent away to rape and pillage like the rest of my sort. I only have one real friend, Rod, but he won’t visit, he’s too shy and scared to visit. No one will tell me anything it’s like they talk in codes and I just can’t stand anything anymore.”

“Woah slow down there. Take a breath Gid!” replied Bae. He put his arm round his brother and continued.

“I understand Gid. I do. Da can be difficult to talk to at times, he tries to shield you from things, tries to let you have a childhood because he didn’t have one and he is guilty about mine and I guess he doesn’t like talking about stuff that hurts.

“You have to remember that he is the bastard son of King Malcolm. The guy that has burnt these lands to the ground, has stolen and killed thousands and has been rewarded for that by King William who also harried these lands. It was part of the treaty for Malcolm’s fealty to him. He got Cumbria and kept his crown as long as he supported William as overlord. That’s why the people round here will speak ill of your family. We took their lands and however well we may govern now, they don’t forget.

“As for da being a beast he never wanted that, he just wanted to survive and sometimes you have to make choices, choices that are hard to live with. He always wanted a quiet life, tending his sheep, spinning and weaving.”

“So Malcolm is right, he is a coward and a bastard!” spat out Gid, still upset and confused.

“Well, technically he is Malcolm’s bastard child yes. He grew up on the Isle of Rum, his mother died in childbirth and Malcolm didn’t send for him until he was of use to him. He lived with is aunts, tended the sheep, they taught him to spin. I think he was content until Malcolm sent for him, he used him as a spy. Sent him on all sorts of trips selling his yarn and gaining information. Malcom was intent of bringing down the previous king, Macbeth, who’d killed his father Duncan. It was kill or be killed for him.

“When Macbeth was defeated and Malcolm became King he married da off to my ma. But the locals never trusted him. He was the spy, the King’s bastard son. My ma loved another man, he was ruthless and a favourite of Malcolm’s. Killian he was called, always willing to do whatever vile deed Malcolm wanted. One night my da found him and my ma together, there was a big row, he managed to overpower da by threatening to kill me, I was only small, he chained him up by his ankle left us in this barn, set fire to it and left us for dead riding off with ma into the night. Da took a hammer smashed at the shackle, destroying his ankle to get free and rescue us.”

Bae couldn’t remember when he had started to cry but Gideon and he clutched each other, both shattered by the story to say much else for a long while.

“So you see Gid he may not be a brave warrior but he is no coward. I will never forget the look in his eye when he hammered into his leg.” Bae took a moment before he continued.

“He took me to Rum, hid me there, pretended for many years I was dead. He was away most of my childhood to keep me out of his father’s clutches. Malcolm had little use for him now that he was crippled until the treaty and he needed someone with a talent for languages to negotiate with King William. Da had many connections to do with the wool trade you see. He had learnt several languages.”

“But why on earth would he help Malcolm again?” asked Gideon.

“Because I was an idiot!” replied Bae.

“I was like you, I needed answers. He was always away. I needed to know who and where was my mother? I left the island in search of those answers and adventure. I became a soldier, ironically under Killian’s command. Not that I knew who he really was to me. We got surrounded by William’s knights, they had the fastest horses, the best armour I’d ever seen. We were led by a reckless idiot. We were captured. That was when Malcolm had to negotiate, had to kneel at William’s feet. That’s where da came in, he understood the languages negotiated our way out of the mess.”

“So, I will let you know Gid, whatever you need to know because you are old enough to need to know before you do something stupid like me and I know da still finds it all too painful to talk about. He is haunted by the things he has done to survive and refuses to relive the past. He is so much better with your ma, Gid. He will talk to her, she’s the only one who he will talk to.”

“So will I be sent away to marry, to become a soldier?” asked Gideon.

“You will decide your own fate!” Came a voice from the shadows. The boys’ father emerged. He had been crying, he had obviously overheard parts of their conversation.

“The wisest woman in the world told me that, and your mother is never wrong. I’ve already told the King that. It’s why he left so abruptly. He’s never managed to learn another language, he knows he is sunk without my connections and mainly his wife wants us all to live a peaceful Christian life and he has finally met his match there. That woman is truly a miracle worker, a saint. So no more worrying and no more secrets, I promise.

“But you have to be up early and get yourself to church or your mother will be furious.”

“Are you going to church da?” asked Gideon, still trying to regain his composure.

“Absolutely fecking not”, he growled. “I’ve given that woman my heart but I’m keeping my soul.”

That made them all laugh and hand in hand too tired and too emotional to say any more the three of them took themselves to bed.

The following morning the friends and family gathered in the great hall for an extended breakfast. The Christians amongst them had returned from church and Gideon was having fun getting the truth from his parent’s friends.

“So why did you say ma fell in love with the top of my da’s head?” he asked.

“Well we were staying in the top floor of the building where the kings were holding their negotiations and William knew Belle understood Scots Gaelic and so she could understand the private chats between Malcolm and your dad, William thought it would give him the upper hand, but he didn’t reckon on those two falling in love” described Emma.

“How did you know Gaelic ma?” asked Gideon. “You were living in Normandy.”

“That’s true” explained Belle. “ But I had a fall out with my father, he wanted me to marry this thug Gaston and when I refused he sent me to a nunnery. There I was able to study and I became friendly with a priest, father MacAvoy, he was the head brewer, made the most marvellous beers that kept us all afloat, but he would get horribly drunk and start swearing in Gaelic. He taught me a lot, made me fall in love with all things Scottish.”

“Anyways for the first few weeks Belle used to lie on the floor with the rug pulled up, peering through a crack in the wooden floor” continued Ruby. “At first she used to get angry in the evening, moaning about what an arse Rum was. How he was as much a bastard as his father kept calling him. But then she started to wiggle.”

“Wiggle?” asked Gideon.

“Yes wiggle,” agreed Emma.

“Whenever, Rum spoke she just used to kind of get excited and wiggle,” giggled Ruby.

“I did not wiggle” protested Belle.

“Yes all she could see was the top of his head and hear his voice and all she would do was wiggle, the wiggling stopped when anyone else talked,” described Emma.

“It’s all we did for weeks, embroider and watch Belle wiggle. It was tedious,” said Ruby.

“I got so bored I tried to escape by stealing a horse”, laughed Emma.

“Except I was trying to steal the same horse,” laughed Bae, “and we got so distracted and ended up having to stay. Good job really neither of us would have got far.”

“Negotiations were getting nowhere though and William was getting angry with Rum’s stalling tactics.” Belle joined in with the tale.

“So he shocked everyone and brought me down to the hall to speak to him in his own language. Apart from he was so gorgeous with his beautiful eyes and expressive hands but oh sooooo annoying. First of all he was really dismissive of me and I was not used to the whole diplomatic world. But we all just wanted to get on with it. Get on with the rest of our lives, the girls and I had been on the road for months, waiting to be betrothed, waiting to start our new lives.”

“Waiting for a decent bed and to be warm, I was so cold,” added Ruby.

“I’d found both,” laughed Emma.

“How did you get away with that?” asked Belle.

“We made a deal with Mme Potts and the guard,” answered Bae.

“What Potts and Dove had a thing!” laughed an incredulous Belle. “I missed that one.”

“You were far too busy torturing me. “Rum joined the conversation after letting the little ones go out to play,

“I was just fighting for Bae, fighting to get him freed, fighting to get him a deal that would get him away from Malcolm and he who shall not be named, maybe set up with a farm or lands of his own. I also had to get Malcolm a deal that was good enough to leave us the fuck alone but not good enough that he would be a threat to us.

“Then Belle appears, the most stunning woman I had ever seen, with an accent you’d never forget, and she spoke my language and she tied my words up in knots, not that I knew she had been listening in to us, but she was always a step in front of me. The harder I negotiated the more furious she would become and after a while even I, the enemy of love, even I noticed that darn wiggle.”

“I do not wiggle” said Belle.

“Oh you do,” her husband cooed, “you get all excited fight harder but wiggle and bite your lip and just make me crazy. Before long I’m not only negotiating for Bae, but arranging my own marriage and favourable husbands for Emma and Ruby, whom I had never met. It was bizarre.”

“Meanwhile, we got William and Malcolm to go on long missions, to see the land they were negotiating over,” explained Belle.

“Or so they thought, it was really just an excuse to argue in private,” sighed Rum”.

“That was not what it looked like from above” revealed Ruby.

“You did not watch!” replied a shocked Belle.

“Nothing else to do, you know I hate embroidery and it was you who taught me how to snoop” retorted Ruby.

“Oh do you remember Rum the time we sent Will off to hunt a haggis! We told him it was an elusive beast that Malcolm had never caught and would make him really jealous.” Belle remembered with a chuckle.

“Yes I do. It was the only time my father ever congratulated me,” laughed Rum.

“So son that was how the Treaty of Abernethy was negotiated. William got peace in the north and Malcolm’s fealty. Malcolm got Cumbria and remained King of the Scots. Bae and Emma got fertile lands in the lowlands and I got Belle and the lake lands.”

“What did Ruby get?” asked Gid who never missed a thing.

“Well I married Merida’s brother Harris,” explained Ruby, “but he wasn’t interested in marriage. So I left with Merida, we went down south for a while, ended up working on that darn tapestry telling the tale of William’s conquest.”

“We did have fun though,” smiled Merida. “We’ve incorporated as many dicks as possible into the story.”

“What?” Everyone asked.

“Well we were getting harassed by this knight to show himself off , in shall we say the best light,” explained Merida.

“So after we had incorporated one penis into the scene, the flood gates opened and we added in a load more. Until we got caught by our supervisor, Archie here, so we whisked him off up to Scotland. I don’t think Harris even noticed we had been gone, too busy hunting with his brothers. So we get to entertain ourselves, don’t we Archie?”

The quiet man just blushed.

“What does that mean? asked Gid.”

“Enough truths today” sighed Rum. “I’m going to disappear for a while and spin”, he said winking at his wife.

Historical note

Sooo, this is loosely set around the Treaty of Abernethy signed in Scotland in 1072, between William I of England, (the Norman who conquered England by defeating Harold at the Battle of Hastings in 1066) and Malcolm III of Scotland (he who defeated the real Macbeth – the one written about by Shakespeare not Lochdubh). There are very few details of the deal other than Malcolm submitted to William giving up his son as a hostage, banishing Edgar Aethling from his court and in return he got estates in Cumbia. It was therefore ripe for Rumbelling, although I feel I may have made it more like Carry on up my Treaty.

Truths: There is an isle called Rum. Malcolm III wife Margaret was made a saint. There are 93 penises in the Bayeux Tapestry, not that I have counted them.

#rumbelle secret santa #@reolf #rss #long post

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