#blurry ❓🦑

[pensarecool2]

“Having DID is rare-“

Ok and being a beekeeper isn’t the most common profession ever but I sure see a lot of them when I search “beekeepers” in online spaces.

#statistics #the squid system 🦑 #blurry ❓🦑 #did system #did #dissociative identity disorder #sample bias

[pensarecool2]

Its crazy how people who think it is ok to breed snakes that will be born with severe health problems is ok because pretty colors will whip out the “what about dogs” defense. Like yes??? No animals should be bred if you know that they will be born with health problems. If selective breeding results in an animal that is pretty/cute but its fucked up physically or mentally, then fucking stop breeding that goddamn animal regardless of if it is a snake or a dog or whatever.

Also fuck people who compare animals like pugs or spider ball pythons to people with autism. People with autism do not live their lives in pain as a default and were not selectively bred like wtf.

#ball python #ball pythons #pugs #snakes #autism #selective breeding #pets #the squid system 🦑 #blurry ❓🦑 #rant #animal rant #pet rant

[pensarecool2]

I looked up the meaning of the word “endogenic” because I was kind of wondering where the word came from and its original meaning. I know that words can have multiple definitions, but the one in the screenshot below, is the only one I found for the word “endogenic.” I checked other dictionaries and sites, but this is the only one that showed up. Is it because “endo” mean’s roughly “from within”?

Idk its a dumb name for a dumb idea.

#anti endogenic #anti endos #anti endo #pro endo dni #endo dni #fuck endos #endos aren't real #endos do not interact #the squid system 🦑 #🍃🦑 thoughts #blurry ❓🦑 #syscource #syscourse

[pensarecool2]

reblog if you're sick of movies and tv shows perpetuating the idea that PTSD is always like a hypervivid flashback and that the hypervivid flashbacks can only happen if you've been in a literal warzone

#i was never in a warzone but i sure as shit sometimes forget what year it is #and im trapped in my childhood unable to see what's around me #but its still not super common anyway #actually ptsd #ptsd flashbacks #ptsdawareness #ptsd #child abuse #movie tropes #reblog if you #blurry ❓🦑

[pensarecool2]

Claiming to have what is essentially the effects of PTSD without having PTSD is not a “””good-faith identity.”””

#syscourse #anti endo #anti endogenic #endos do not interact #fuck endos #endos aren't real #pro endo dni #endo dni #endos dni #the squid system 🦑 #blurry ❓🦑

[pensarecool2]

Memories are stupid and weird. Idk how it is for other people, but for most things, your memory bases how you view the world.

For example, you look at your phone. You know what a phone is. You have past memories at some point that are explaining to you what a phone is. You remember it. You might not think about it, but these memories all build up your view of what it is. You can remember there are different kinds of phones. You know how you have your phone, and why it's there. For the most part, it's probably not that significant.

The same goes for a lot of things, especially basic things. What you typically eat. What you look at, etc. If the first time you experience something, it's positive or neutral, then the thing doesn't matter. It's something that exists.

But what about if the first time you experience something, it's bad? Maybe the first time you get into a red truck, something bad happens. Maybe every time you get into a red truck, something bad happens. Maybe when you watch a certain TV show or eat a certain fruit.

Maybe the first time something happened relating to an object or concept, it was bad. And every time it was brought up again, all you could think about was that first negative experience.

It makes it hard to navigate the world when everything about common things relates back to horrible things.

#blurry ❓🦑 #csa survivor #csa vent #childhood ptsd #ptsd life #ptsdlife #ptsd #ptsd things #ptsd thoughts #ptsd problems #living with ptsd #dissociative vent #dissociative identity disorder #dissasociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #dissociative disorder #endos do not interact #did system #actually traumatized #traumagenic did #traumagenic system #memories #feel free to reblog

[pensarecool2]

Thinking about how little schools in the United States give a fuck about the safety of their students, and how school counselors could not care less about abuse because there is no reason for them to care.

When I was a kid, I was regularly called to the principal's office and/or the school councilors office. It was a combination of undiagnosed autism, being completely traumatized, and in general not knowing how to socialize with anyone. I would always (and still do) get triggered by pretty much anything and get sent into frequent panic attacks and mental breakdowns. I would frequently leave the classroom crying, or would scream and cry in the bathroom. I would frequently be in an unresponsive PTSD state, and even though I could rarely remember why I was upset, or know what was happening (kept repressing the shit out of that trauma) the effects were still there. I was labeled as a problem kid, and it became routine to just deal with me in the office.

I remember one time I was explaining how my mom hit me to the school counselor, and she asked more specifically how my mom hit me. She then said that slapping children across the face is legal because it doesn't leave a mark. She said that it doesn't matter what I feel about it because my mother is allowed to do that, and my mother still loves me, etc. She said there was nothing that she was allowed to do about it, and that I should just deal with it. (Btw, the woman I am describing was the most helpful councilor or therapist I saw at this age who arguably did the least amount of harm.) The woman who told me that it didn't matter that I was being hit because it was legal, and also didn't give enough of a shit to try and figure out if other stuff was going on (there was much worse stuff going on) was the kindest and most helpful person in my childhood who toted a therapist or councilor label.

I frequently interacted with school administration as a kid, and they always just dismissed me as a troublemaker and looking for attention. And whenever my dad would harass them into not punishing more than they already did (I cannot count the number of times I would get suspended for having panic attacks or causing a scene in school) they would just believe him when they said that he was helping me. He took me to a fake therapist (she was licensed as an "art therapist" and had no other qualifications) who encouraged him and myself to believe that I was only pretending to be depressed to try and get out of doing homework. That therapist told me that no matter how much my father abused me, it didn't matter because he loved me. And this woman would tell my school that I was fine, and to ignore me when I caused trouble. And they believed it. Because they don't care. No one fucking cares. People pretend to give a shit about harm caused to children, but in reality, they could not care less.

#vent #vent tag #vent post #cw vent #vent cw #csa survivor #csa vent #childhood trauma #childhood abouse #they did nothing #therapy cw #child abuse cw #ptsd vent #ptsd flashbacks #blurry ❓🦑 #the squid system 🦑 #🦑 lore #public school #usa public school

[pensarecool2]

People who are against educating children about their bodies so that they can comfortably explain their own anatomy are also pro childhood sexual assault. You cannot both want a child to not be able to explain what happened and be against harming children.

plus generally its a good idea to educate people on that shit cause people grow up not knowing how their bodies work

#the squid system 🦑 #🦑 lore #🍃🦑 thoughts #crowded front 💀🦑 #blurry ❓🦑 #ptsd vent #did system vent #vent cw #cw vent #vent tag #trauma vent #vent post #actually ptsd #ptsd flashbacks #childhood ptsd #ptsd thoughts #endos dni #csa vent #csa survivor #childhood abuse

[pensarecool2]

Read my DNI in my pinned post. If you fail to look at my page, and get upset with me over where I stand about things, and get it wrong, I’m just going to ignore you.

“Endogenic systems” who use terms like “sysmed” and “traumascum” are just blatantly admitting that they know they are wrong. They have to use terminology relating to transphobes so that they can trick people who are uneducated about what a system is to gain sympathy points. It is absurd.

Becoming a system is a trauma response to repeated abuse as a child. The type of system can vary (DID, OSDD, etc), as well as the abuse, but being a system is a trauma response. It is possible to not remember your trauma, it is possible to work through it and live a functional life. It still originates from childhood PTSD.

“Endogenic systems” try to compare this to being transgender. I have seen posts about “xeno origins” trying to compare this severe psychological trauma response to gender aesthetics. You cannot compare these two things. Its just completely absurd. A lot of times actual systems find it difficult to articulate how its absurd because these are not comparable things at all.

I’m not even sure if I know exactly how to explain this, but I feel like it should be considered common sense that PTSD responses and gender identity are vastly unrelated. Someone pointing this out does not make them the equivalent of a trans-medicalist, harassing non-binary people for not transitioning.

This comparison is only made because a lot of people understand how trans-medicalism is bad, and when the comparison is made to that, they want to take the side that was right in that discourse. Its an understandable response, that is why those terms are used to manipulate people.

You cannot become a system without trauma first, regardless of if you can remember it or not.

#blurry ❓🦑 #the squid system 🦑 #syscource #syscourse #endos dni #anti endogenic #anti endos #fuck endos #endos aren't real #pro endo dni #endos do not interact #endo dni #tw endo

[pensarecool2]

i genuinely do not understand how to properly integrate my input into conversations. i am so used to being ignored and/or told too shut up, that i will just speak about whatever is in my head with full expectations that i will be ignored. i do not know how to respond to people like i see them talk to each other. i don’t know how to have an actual conversation without someone getting mad at me usually. everyone always calls me rude or that i’m taking over the conversation or I’m annoying or whatever. i feel isolated. i’ve always felt so isolated even when i do manage to talk to people. because it feels like i’m talking alone and am not really there.

#🦑 lore #🍃🦑 thoughts #the squid system 🦑 #🦑 brain cloud #blurry ❓🦑 #trauma #childhood trauma #autism vent #ptsd vent #idk what to tag #derealization #derealization tw #dissociation #dissasociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #actually mentally ill

[pensarecool2]

Emotional Amnesia

This post is about emotional amnesia and how I experience it. The example I am going to give is random and simple. I don’t want to use an example of trauma, because I would rather this remain an explanation post vs turning into a vent post.

Let’s say, idk, Snail is fronting while we eat something very tasty with our partner. Then, Otto fronts. Otto remembers the action and event of having a nice meal. However, if there is emotional amnesia present for this event, then Otto no longer remembers how it tasted good. How it made us happy. How it was an enjoyable event. How we had fun with our partner. The memory is shared, but the meaning is lost.

The reason why this is disabling is because its not (usually) a nice dinner that is going to be stressful enough to cause this kind of amnesia. It can be traumatic, or serious situations. A serious or traumatic event can happen or be in progress, an alter switches out, and now we seem like we don’t care. Because we (or whoever is fronting) don’t. Because it doesn’t matter. We don’t understand why we should care. It can also make it hard to process past trauma. Obviously if you describe what happened; it is horrible. But for the alter who went through it (or more often the ones who didn’t) it can be difficult to process when you feel no connection to the memory.

#emotional amnesia #system resources #system explanation #did system #actually dissociative #did stuff #did alters #cause it’s relevant in syscourse for some reason #syscourse #anti endo #endos dni #the squid system 🦑 #blurry ❓🦑

[pensarecool2]

Fakeclaimers are so funny. Bro get a life that doesn’t involve harassing people online. You have no way of telling who is or isn’t faking based on the snippets of their lives you see online. If someone is spreading misinformation, point it out. Don’t fakeclaim them. Even if they are faking, who cares? As long as they aren’t actively causing harm, who gives a shit? Its some rando online. You don’t know 100% they are faking and you is it really worth the risk to harass someone who is potentially already suffering? And for what?

#harassing people is generally a bad idea #the squid system 🦑 #🍃🦑 thoughts #blurry ❓🦑 #anti fakeclaiming #fakeclaimers #fakeclaiming cw #tw fakeclaiming #fakeclaiming mention #syscource #syscourse #endogenic systems do not interact

[pensarecool2]

If I had a dollar for every time my parents mocked my age-appropriate interests for being “childish and stupid” when I was literally a child and actively prevented me from enjoying or engaging with them, I’d have enough money for so much regression gear lol.

#blurry ❓🦑 #the squid system 🦑 #endo dni #endos dni #did system #did #did osdd #actually dissociative #agere community #sfw agere #🦑 lore

[pensarecool2]

I really hate how normalized child abuse is in the United States. I wish there was like more shit in place to prevent it but so many people here fucking hate children and want children to be treated like garbage with no escape. Its disgusting.

#child abuse cw #child abuse #the united states #blurry ❓🦑

[pensarecool2]

Seeing someone unironically use words like "sysmed" and the other one that starts with a t gives off "child who just learned some buzzwords but doesn't fully understand what they mean but wants to seem like they are progressive and understand stuff" vibes. Idk how to explain it, but it just shows an offensive lack of understanding while at the same time trying to seem like a victim in the face of... traumatized people who want to be taken seriously.

#syscourse #blurry ❓🦑 #endos do not interact

[pensarecool2]

vent about trauma. click to read.

fucking hate trauma memories. like why did that happen. how did that happen. how did he get away with that shit. i was fucking 4 or 5 and i know cause it happened in kindergarten i stg how the fuck does anyone get away with that shit. someone should’ve known. how do you fucking get away with shit like that. i hate it. i hate it so fucking much. im disgusted that it happened. im disgusted i can remember. i hate it. i hate it so much. i want him to burn. but that won’t happen. cause there’s no proof. cause i was a child. and i hate it so much. i want to rip the memories out. i hate or so much.

#blurry ❓🦑 #the squid system 🦑 #cw vent #vent tag #ptsd thoughts #childhood ptsd #trauma #actually traumatized #actually dissociative #🦑 lore