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tunnelofphriendship · 2 months

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on phandom whiteness, race and stereotypes

I've been meaning to make this post for a while. I have never been very active in this fandom space, and part of that has been due to a discomfort I have felt that i have never felt i could discuss openly. So while I want to be a part of this phandom, I need to adress the elephant in the room and I want this sideblog I created to be a space where others like me can feel safe to voice their feelings and thoughts.

To preface this, I am not looking to "cancel" dan and phil. I just want to talk about my experiences both as a hardcore phan for years, and as someone who deviates from the usual dnp fan: I'm not a white person from Europe, US, Canada.

To put it bluntly, some of their videos are extremely hard to watch and enjoy and it makes me feel alienated when no one talks about it. There is no media without "problematic" elements, but I feel like in other fandom spaces people at least talk about elements worth questioning because they may be offensive or ignorant.* And yet dan and phil are hailed as "unproblematic kings" when this is not the case at all, and it's hard to bring up how I feel.

I'm not looking to make a comprehensive list of everything they've said, but I will talk about a few examples to illustrate what I mean.

Sexy Internet Dating (1:59-2:03)

d: whats yo name

p: i like how the guinea pig is now a sassy black woman

A Day in the Life of Phil and Dan! (3:58-4:03)

p: Suncream d: suncream for your albino face p: yea d: i don't need it because i'm already black

Does anyone remember the Mexican Dan thing? He seems to have deleted most of the things associated with that period where he was tan and "jokingly" fancied himself a different race because of it but this little window to that time remains in one of the most beloved videos of all time. Can you see how this might be hard to watch? When even the most iconic videos they've made are sprinkled with little instances of ignorant comments like this?

And let me be clear, I know this was ages ago. I'm aware they might have grown and changed. What really gets to me is how nobody in the phandom ever talks about these moments. It makes me really lonely and disappointed that everyone turns a blind eye to things that might tarnish the image of their faves.

Like for example, the pewdiepie situation. I'm not going to discuss everything he did and said. But imagine how it might feel as a non-white fan to want to rewatch old dnpgames videos and find that they kept their videos with him up all this time:

youtube

They were clearly quite friendly with F*lix. Besides these videos, Felix is also casually mentioned in some of their videos and livestreams from the time before he was "cancelled" (more on that later). But did they ever say anything condemning his actions? I think that given how they had collaborated and were friends, I would expect them to say SOMETHING rather than just never speak on the matter (as far as I know, the closest they got to this was in a liveshow where dan said he had had "a conversation" with felix in a way that implied he disapproved of his actions.) Or at the very very least, is it really that hard to delete a video? They have deleted old videos for a variety of reasons. How is collabing with a known racist not reason enough to go through the trouble of deleting a video? But deleting other videos just because they're a bit"cringey" is worth that time?

I just wonder how regretful they really are at having been friends and collaborators with him. In fact, part of me wonders if they are still friends behind the scenes. If this is ever confirmed btw, that will cause me to stop watching them forever. And they might still be friends in their little white circle for all we know. After all dan and phil are long time friends of KickthePj. And PJ is STILL friends with pewdiepie.

Now, besides PJ being dnp's friend and having once been part of the phantastic foursome, I don't care much for his content except for when dan and phil have been featured (lol sorry not sorry). And this might be the case for many of you as well! But some of you ARE avid kickthepj fans and decided to ignore the fact that he uploaded a video with pewdiepie last month. There is no plausible deniability here anymore. Despite the harms pewdiepie has done in internet spaces--and how that extends to real life--NOBODY said anything about how kickthepj doesn't care enough (or at all) to simply NOT make a video with pewdiepie.

It's staggering to me that no one cares. It's shocking to me that in these videos i've mentioned, you go to the comment section and everyone will be happily enjoying the video with no mention of these things.

Is this what being "cancelled" looks like? It seems to me like with the passage of time, Pewdiepie and his friends and followers just want to sweep it all under the rug. How is it that the internet will tear a man to shreds for plagiarism but then find it in themselves to excuse racism?

Why does no one care? Is it because this space is overwhelmingly white? I think so. I think it's a conscious choice to turn a blind eye when it's convenient. So I just wanted to make this post to say that if you ever feel alienated by the white ignorance of dnp or their circle of their fans, then you can come talk to me and I won't ignore you.

I want to be a part of this phandom, I really love dan and phil, but I'm not going to "stan" them. I'm not going to make excuses for them. And I'm not going to keep quiet just so I can be a part of this fandom without making the vast majority of white fans uncomfortable.

*I'm thinking of my experiences in the supernatural fandom. (Although, i'm not saying it's perfect. There are certainly a number of fics that have made me feel very disappointed inthe creator for falling into the trap of racial stereotypes in OCs and stuff like that, and despite that so many people enjoy it and include it in rec lists.)

#dnp #phan #dan and phil #also lol follow me! im a new sideblog #kickthepj

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my-castles-crumbling · 2 months

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hi cas!!

im gonna rant at you for a bit if you dont mind :)

Im a minor that lives in a super tight night, close minded community. Super religious, super homophobic transphobic ect. Seeing as im a teenage girl whose questioning their gender and is definitely attracted to women thats kinda problematic lols. Honestly idek how to explain the situation without a bunch of details, but basically, theres a fifty-fifty chance of me being sent to conversion therapy or just cut off from any internet access (and i mean ANY. i have a flip phone for fucks sake.)if my fam finds out im queer, i have no support system outside of some internet friends who know nothing about my situation, and within the next few years(so like once i turn 20ish, thats in like 4 years but whatever) my family is going to expect me to get married to a man and start popping out babies asap. Btw thats whats expected of me in this community, marriage under the age of 25, have like as many kids as physically possible and god forbid higher education. And im not okay with that . Ffs i want to go to college, major in fine arts, meet a person i like and fall desperately in love or maybe not just have a bunch of close platonic relationships i want cats and a dog and a cute studio in a big city where i can dye my hair whatever color i want aand get an obsene amount of piercings, i want to wear pants!! I just want to live. Without expectations or limits or people who love me hating everything they dont know about me. Is that truly so much to ask for?

And im incredibly dramatic cuz i literally have the dream life. My family loves me, my parents are upper middle class, theyve never hurt me before(besides for all the anti everything rants haha) i literally have a full sized bed, which for some reason i see as the peak of being spoiled idk why. I go to school, not even public, a private religious school that prob costs thousands of dollars, i have friends(who are all part of this community btw and id bet my entire savings that most of them think gay is only a word that ppl use to mean happy lol) close ones even!! I have adorable neices and nephews(my 3 sisters all were married by the age of 20, so i have 11 niecesand nephews while my oldest sister is 31) im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out. No hope of college to get on my feet and find someway out, no people that'll help me fucking run away or some bullshit like that, hell ive considered it and then felt like shit, cuz what am i even running from? Im probably attracted to men it wont kill me to marry one. And i like kids, i wouldnt mind having any either. But.... i dont want to be trapped anymore. Cuz ill be honest thats what i am.if some one asked me to run away with them rn i would, no hesitation.

God im a mess😭😭 anyway this was me ranting in my notes app, im just apologizing for dumping this on a complete stranger(we're moots actually!!) albeit a very kind one :) i dont know what im looking for, but ill take whatever your comfortable giving ig.

I love and appreciate you<333

And hey this has been oddly cathartic so lmk if its okay for me to do this again sometime :))

"im living the dream life. But i hate it and i have no way out."

Hon, you're not living the dream life...there's a difference between financial privilege and being happy, you know? It's pretty clear that this isn't what you want.

I'm not sure if you're asking for my advice here, or if you just want to vent. But I care about you, and if you want me to research some things to try to help you, I'm more than willing to (that way it's not on your search history.) Just say the word!

Until then, you are ALWAYS allowed to vent to me.

I'm naming you venting anon in case you write again!

#ask #asks #ask cas #venting anon

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ivyglow · 3 years

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psa + deactiv for a bit

I had some time to read what some people were saying out there and it really saddens me how many “I’m lgbtqia+ and I don’t see anything wrong with the tweets” or “at his age I used to say the same things”, this shows us two things 1) some of you were/are really privileged for not understanding that this is systemic violence, therefore, the person who said the slur doesn’t need to mean it in a bad way because it’s a slur no matter the context and 2) some of you think that just because something happened in the past you don’t need to apologize or recognize your mistakes, which is awful, I’m sorry.

Being a black girl and having a white mother taught me a lot about acknowledgment, just a couple years ago I started calling my mom out in some of her actions and she made me a lot of questions, we discussed a series of topics and her view on racism has been amplified, just a couple months ago she came to me and she apologized for something she did when I was a five years old kid, she said she was sorry if she ever made me feel bad about my skin, or my nose or anything regarding my blackness, she apologize for things she realizes were wrong to my sister too (and my sister is white, so this isn’t only about the “woke” subject as some people try to make it seem). I’ve never asked my mom to apologize, she also never asked me to forgive her, but I’m sure if she was a public person and something came out about her hurting someone (intently or not) she would apologize, because this is how we grow and this is how we acknowledge our mistakes. We understand that we’re inserted into a bigger space and this space influences how we react to some things, but when we have the opportunity to do better: we do better.

Systemic violence such as racism and homophobia don’t necessarily need the other part to mean harm, because again: it's systemic. Slurs were wrong back then and they still wrong nowadays. It doesn’t mean that because you used it back then you’re a homophobe now, but it means that you hurt someone at the time and how you react and respond to this situation now says something about who you are in the present. I’m so so sad with people saying they used to say it therefore it's not a problem or that he was a kid. Yes, it was something “common” to SOME of you at the time, but it doesn’t mean it was right and if any of you ever get the opportunity to apologize to someone that was around you at the time: please, do. Yes, nols was a teenager at the time, but as a white, rich boy he gets to have the “space to grow” and make mistakes that bipoc and some lgbtqia+ never had. My brother has the same age as Nolan, and he wasn’t excused for his mistakes -no matter how small they were- because he was a black kid.

When I say publicly talking and apologizing, addressing the issue, I mean it so people can see that no matter if for some it seemed ok back then, it wasn’t. Some of you didn’t felt personally attacked by the slurs, which is fine but to say that it wasn’t harmful reduces the feeling of a whole group to your own feelings, it makes exactly what those acts of violence do: it treats us as homogenous.

I’m completely fine with people supporting him, I really am, it wasn’t my intention to make everyone angry with my first post, I was addressing an issue that was brought to me in my ask box, saying how hockey culture is not something that starts on the nhl or isn’t influenced by the majority there (white, rich, cis, etc). Whoever took the time to read the whole thing saw that I said everything people are repeating there: he was a teenager, probably space, where he grew up, didn’t really introduce him on social issues, people probably never called him out on that at the time and so on, but this doesn’t change the fact that slurs aren’t ok. It strikes me as some of you still live in a fairytale where we get to have bad guys and good guys, but we're human beings and we need to start understanding that someone can do something bad in the past without necessarily being a bad person (that goes from problem to problem, of course). You say you want to change hockey culture and that you want to do better but when a bipoc/lgbtqia+ points an issue and wants to debate it y’all are quick to choose the one who has the same view as you and use it (@someone is gay and didn’t felt affected by it, therefore, it isn’t a big deal!!!), and it's just curious, honestly.

You also feel as if you have the right to come to my inbox and say hateful stuff, question my views and point a finger at me. I’m not perfect nor I expect any player to be, I’m well aware they are mostly white rich men, and the environment they grew up in is completely different from what we would expect as the ideal, but it doesn’t mean that we’re gonna simply ignore issues. That being said I’m not answering about this topic anymore, its tiring and stressful especially when people already have everything out there, and what I keep doing is basically repeating myself in different ways just so yall get your message. I’m not here to educate, this is supposed to be a safe space for me, yet I do talk about these topics because I know we need it more around here. The fact that some of you choose to block me (when we never really talked!!!), point me as a problematic blog, or diminish the topic, shows a lot about hockey culture (that is very present between the fans, not only in the league).

When you start to realize that part of the discomfort we feel while dealing with these issues is the key to changing the situation we’re gonna start going somewhere, while you keep diminishing it and trying to make excuses we’ll be stuck.

I recommend you to read mia’s rant about it here. Also, take some time to read about the nwhl situation here.

I’m leaving for a while, maybe a day or two or maybe a week, I’m not sure, I just need some time to get my energy back, I deal with this shit every day irl, I shouldn’t have to feel bad in here. I’m really thankful for all the supportive people and I’m really sorry for the hateful anons or the people who felt like I was attacking them or their fave, that wasn’t my intention (especially because nols was my fav too, but I personally felt kinda off, maybe in a different time I wouldn’t feel off and that's ok too). Anyway, I hope I see y’all soon in a better vibe than that (those last lb’s were really good for me btw! you guys are amazing) and if you miss me that much (jk) you can ask for my discord acc to my tito ( @barbienoturbby ). love yall <3 mel

I’m turning my anons back because of all the named anons I had and I know some of them don’t have a tumblr acc but please: don’t send in shitty things/hate, just go live your life the way you want and leave me in peace.

sorry for the long rant, I just felt like clarifying things because besides the asks there are people blocking me and unf me like crazy which is ?????

#nolpats hasn't show signals of being problematic like other players in our league and when we point an issue it seems as if were accusing +#him of being #which we're not doing #we're just starting an important debate and looking for acknowledgment #nolpats still a good person in my head #but it doesn’t change the fact that he just like some of us did something wrong and the right thing to do is act on it #anyway #I'll probably bb cuz I think I'll miss lbs and some of my friends and anons #important #mel rambles #see yall soon I hope <3 #muah #hugs kisses and all the rainbows hearts and stars emojis I usually use jaja #i queued some stuff so you might see my user around this week assjsj #ill make sure to queue some more hihi #see you soon guys!#nolan patrick #this is the last thing im tagging about him btw #no worries about clogging since im not talking about it again too :)#s all good #yall can move on w your lives

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lesbianklance · 3 years

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There is so much about how they wrote keiths character that pisses me off

Even the fact that the most autistic coded character turned out to be a half alien... :( the fact that they tried so hard to show that he was The Best At Litteraly Everything Actually.. The black lion connection thing.. The Cursed Salute. Wtf

He is still my comfort character but :( i just wished someone else had written vld

yesss!!! yes to all of these pls it's so fucking ridiculous

like oh yeah everything he thought was "wrong" about him all his life was because he was half alien(: (nothing was actually wrong with him btw im saying it as how he sees it, all his life there was certain stuff about him and he felt like he didnt fit in and they just blamed it on him being half an alien instead of taking the opportunity to do a neurodivergent plot line. dont even get me started how they basically confirmed that yeah he never belonged on earth by making him stay in space afterwards. what kind of message does that send huh? yeah if you feel different it's cause you dont belong go out to space or whatever. no, just no)

and them making him the fucking golden boy? i hate that. especially since they showed him as the perfect dude since the begining with that lance and iverson scene

it would have been logical to show he has flaws, which was done very well in the balmera scene and season 3

then they screwed it up because instead of giving the spot light to other characters like, oh idk lance and hunk maybe, they kept having him be the "superior" paladin, giving him all sorts of cool new powers no one else had when he hadnt been a paladin for like 2 3 years

literally makes no sense and it really speaks in how fucking problematic voltron is, having their white character being the "superior" paladin or whatever the fuck, constantly having him be above everyone else, being the one to be able to take them out of sticky situations

ive already mentioned the example with the bayard power

let's take another: having him defeating sendak out of fucking nowhere

shiro was the one who was battling sendak, he got out of a fucking ship in space and fought sendak, badass right?

well, once again we have to have shiro being a damsel in distress for keith apparently cause hey! shiro the ex leader of voltron, 25-26 yo man, the best commander to come out of the garrison at the youngest age, the captain of the atlas sure needs a 18-21yo saving him all the time right?

in the end keith gets the props for defeating sendak when all he did was slash him, shiro was the one fighting him keith basically did nothing, he just caught him off guard

but noo we must show our very obvious bias for keith right?

anyway this is getting long: point is they fucking ruined keith, he had so much potential to be a cool character and yet they had to turn him into the captain america (as i call it) type of character that is always the highest of moral ground and the superior of them all. a character is fucking boring if he's perfect all the time and really irritating. give us back the real keith that we love cowards because that? that really was not it

#ask #karo tag✨#BSKSDMS IM SORRY I WENT OFF #i just hate what they did to my son with a passion #we could have had gay enby autistic keith but nooooo we get the cishet neurotypical dudebro instead #dem's rants

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legends-live-in-memories · 3 years

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I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin…

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion,

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing…

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

i don’t give a solid fuck.

Not one.

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically.

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss.

AND BOI is it a miss.

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story,

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because.

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing.

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time.

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

#mlb #opinions my guy opinions #i dont wanna tag this as salt #but mlb criticisms and analyses #IHTMO #the hashtag for this series #thomas astruc #miraculous fandom #miraculous ladybug #miraculous: tales of ladybug and cat noir #yes the government name again #come get yall juice #miraculous

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adorpheus · 3 years

Text

on fujoshi and fetishization

Lately, more and more, both here on tumblr and on other sites, I keep seeing people spew unfiltered hatred at fujoshi - that is, women who like mlm content such as gay fanfic and fanart featuring men with other men. And I don’t mean like a specific type of fujoshi, like the ones who are genuinely being weird about it, but just like a general hatred for girls (but especially straight identifying girls) who express love for gay romance.

I hate to break this to you all, but women (including straight women!) actually are allowed to like mlm fanfiction and fanart, even enthusiastically so. A woman simply expressing her love of gay fanfic, even if it is in kind of a cringey way or a way that you personally don’t like, is NOT automatically fetishization.

I’ve been on the receiving end of fetishization for my entire life, from a very young age, as many black and brown folx have, so I consider myself pretty well acquainted with how it works. Fetishization isn’t just like, being really into drawings of boys kissing, or whatever the fuck y’all are trying to imply on this god forsaken site.

Fetishization is complicated imo, and can encompass a lot of things, such as (but not limited to):

1 - dehumanization, e.g. viewing a group of people as sexual objects who exist purely for entertainment purposes, rather than acknowledging them as actual people who deserve respect and rights

and

2 - projecting certain assumptions onto said people based on their race/sexuality/whatever is being fetishized. These assumptions are often, but not always, sexual in nature (like the idea that black people in general are more sexual than other races, etc etc etc).

I’m going to use myself as an example to illustrate my point. Please note this isn’t the best or most nuanced example, but it is the most simplistic. A white person finding me attractive and respectfully appreciating my black features as part of what makes me beautiful is not, on its own, fetishization. A white person finding me attractive solely or mostly because I’m a PoC is now in fetishization territory. Similarly, assuming I’m dominant because of my blackness (like saying “step on me mommy” and shit like that) is hella fetishistic.

That being said, theres definitely a difference between how fetishization works in real life with real people, and how it shows up in fandom.

Fetishization manifests in many different ways in fandom, but most commonly on the mlm side of things, I personally see it appear as conservative (or centrist) women who love the idea of two men together, but don’t actually like gay people, and don’t necessarily think LGBT+ people deserve rights (or “special treatment” as its sometimes dog whistled). These women view queer men as sexual objects for entertainment rather than an actual group of people who deserve to be protected from systemic oppression. I’ve noticed that they often don’t even think of the men they “ship” together as actually being gay, and may even express disgust at the idea of a character in an mlm ship being headcanon’d gay. In case its not obvious, this is pretty much exactly the same way a lot of cishet men fetishize lesbians (they see “lesbian” as a porn category, rather than like, what actual LGBT people think of when we read the word lesbian). There’s a pretty popular viral tweet thread going around where someone explains seeing this trend of conservative women who like mlm stuff, and I have also personally witnessed this phenomenon myself in more than one fandom.

The funny thing is, maybe its just me buuuut.... The place I see this particular kind of fetishization happen most is not in the anime/BL fandom, from which the term fujoshi originates - I actually see these type of women way way more in western fandom spaces like Supernatural, Harry Potter, and Hannibal. I can’t stress this enough, there’s a shocking amount of people who are like, straight up trump supporters in these fandoms. If you want to experience it, try joining a Hannigram or Destiel group on facebook and you will probably encounter one eventually especially if you happen to be living through a major historical event. Like these women probably wouldn’t even be considered “fujoshi”, because that term doesn’t really apply to them given they aren’t in the BL/anime fandom, yet they’re the ones I personally see actually doing the most harm.

Of course this isn’t the ONLY kind of fetishizing woman in the mlm/BL world, there are other ways fetishization shows up, but this is the most toxic kind that I see.

A girl just being really into BL or whatever may be “cringe” to you, or she may be expressing her love for BL in a “cringey” way, but a straight woman really enjoying BL is not, on its own, somehow inherently fetishization. Yes, sometimes teenage girls act kind of cringe about how much they like BL and that might be annoying to you, but its not necessarily ~problematic~.

That being said, IT NEEDS BE REMARKED that a lot of the “fujoshi” that you all hate so deeply, are actually closeted trans men or nonbinary people who haven’t yet come to terms with their gender identity, or are otherwise just NOT cishet. I know because I was one of these closeted people for years, and I honestly think tumblr and the cultural obsession around purity is one of the many reasons I was closeted so deeply for so long. STORYTIME LOL!!! In my early adolescence, I was a sort of proto “fujoshi”. I identified as a bi girl who was mostly attracted to men, or as most (biphobic) people called it, “practically straight”. I wrote and read “slash” fanfic and looked at as well as drew my own fanart. We didn’t use the term fujoshi back then, but that’s definitely how I could have been described. I was obsessed with yaoi, BL, whatever you want to call it, to a cringe-inducing degree. I really struggled to relate to most het romances, so when I first discovered yaoi fanfics (as we called them at the time), I fell in love and felt like I finally found the type of romance content that was made for me. I didn’t know exactly why, I just knew it hit different. LGBT+ fanart and fanfiction brought me an immense amount of joy, and I didn’t really think too hard about why.

At some point, in my early 20s, after reading lots of discourse™ here on tumblr and other places like twitter, I started to get the sinking feeling that my passion for gay fanfiction was ~problematic~. I had always felt a sense of guilt for being into mlm content, because literally anyone who found out I liked BL (especially the men I dated) shamed me for liking it all the fucking time (which btw is literally just homophobic, like can we talk about that?). In addition to THAT bullshit, now I’m seeing posts telling me that girls who like BL are cringey gross fetishists who inspire rage and should go die?

Let me tell you, I internalized the fuck out of messages like this. I desperately wanted to avoid being ~problematic~. At the time, I thought being problematic was like the worst thing you could be. I was terrified of being “cancelled”, before canceling was even really a thing. I thought to myself, “oh my god, I’m gross for liking this stuff? I should stop.” I beat myself up over this. I wanted so badly to be accepted, and to be deemed a Good Person by the internet and society at large.

I tried to shape up and become a good ally (lmfao). I stopped writing fanfic and deleted all the ones I was working on at the time. I made a concerted effort to assimilate into cishet culture, including trying to indulge myself more deeply in the few fandoms I could find that had het content I did enjoy (Buffy, True Blood, Pretty Little Liars, etc). I would occasionally look at BL/fanfic/etc in private, but then I would repress my interest in it and not look for a while. Instead I would look at women in straight relationships, and create extremely heterosexual Couple Goals pinterest boards, and try to figure out how I could become more like these women, so I, too, could be loved someday.

This cycle of repression lasted like eight years. Throughout it all, I was performing womanhood to the best of my ability and trying to become a woman that was worthy of being in a relationship. I went in and out of several “straight” relationships, wondering why they didn’t make me feel the way reading fanfic did. Most of all, I couldn’t figure out why straight intimacy didn’t work for me. I just didn’t enjoy it. I always preferred looking at or making gay fanfiction/fanart over actual intimacy with men in real life.

Eventually, I stumbled upon a trans coming out video that someone I was following posted online, my egg started to crack, and to make an extremely long story short, after like 3 years of introspection and many gender panic attacks that I still experience to this day, I realized that I’m uh... MAYBE... NOT CIS..!? :|

I truly believe if I had just been ALLOWED TO LIKE GAY STUFF WITHOUT BEING SHAMED FOR IT, I probably would have realized I was trans way way sooner. Because for me, indulging in my love of gay romance and writing gay fanfic wasn’t me being a weirdo fetishist, it was actually me exploring my own gender identity. It is what helped me come to terms with being a nonbinary trans boy.

Not everyone realizes they are trans at age 2 or whatever the fuck. Sometimes you have to go through a cringey fujoshi phase and multiple existential crises to realize how fucking gay you are AND THATS FINE.

And one more thing - can we just be real here?

A lot of anti-fujoshi sentiment is literally just misogyny. omg please realize this. Its “women aren’t allowed to enjoy things” but, like... with gay fanfics. Some of the anti-fujoshi posts I see come across my dash are clearly ppl projecting a caricature they invented in their head of a demonic fujoshi fetishist onto any woman who expresses what they consider to be a little too much enthusiasm for gay content and then using their perception of that individual as an excuse to justify their disdain for any women, especially straight women, ‘invading’ their ~oh so exclusive~ queer fandom spaces.

god get over yrselfs this is gatekeeping by another name

idk why i spent so long writing this no one is even going to read it, does anyone even still use this site

*EDIT: HOLY SHIT WHEN DOING RESEARCH FOR THIS POST I FOUND OUT THAT Y-GALLERY IS BACK OMG!!!

#rant #fujoshi #I SAID WHAT I SAID #personal #gender stuff

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eloarei · 3 years

Text

Okay, I’m going to babble about Greedfall under a cut. I just have to. tl;dr, you should have been able to romance Petrus and Constantin, no I am not taking critique. Under the cut: 1500 words of basic Greedfall explanation, and then me lamenting ships that didn’t happen; includes spoilers (noted).

So. Greedfall. Basically, I had never heard of this game until it was free on Playstation Plus a few months ago, and I was like “yeah okay sure, I’m not doing anything else”, so I played it. I had no idea what to expect. I don’t recall watching the trailer. From the icon, I expected maybe pirates? As it turned out, no pirates ...exactly? But kinda. They’re mostly just colonists with pistols and big hats. Lots of big hats. There are a faction of characters that live on ships, but they’re not pirates. I don’t think they’d appreciate being referred to as such. Anyway, it’s a rather Dragon Age-like game. I don’t mind saying so, since everyone else has. It has its similarities and differences, but it definitely feels familiar in that way. It’s definitely not a copy, just... inspired, I guess. You play as Lord or Lady de Sardet, (that’s a silent t, btw), who’s tasked with representing her people on the ‘new continent’ of Tir Fradi-- mostly to the other countries that settled there in the past few years, but also to the natives, who’ve lived there for ever and ever and actually respect the land, unlike you dumb colonizers. The factions are real pains in the ass, but in a way that’s a litttttle bit charming. Theleme is full of propagandizing Catholics who aren’t above a little witch hunt now and again. The Bridge Alliance are all science-obsessed atheists who think progress is more important than basic morals. The natives are VERY in touch with nature, and have cool Russian accents, skull-like face paint, and sometimes branches growing out of their heads. (The natives have the most diverse opinions, so they’re the least annoying. In fact, they’re rather likeable, except that sometimes they hate you, and don’t bother with pretending they don’t for diplomacy’s sake.) There’s also the Nauts (the pirates), the Coin Guard (mercenaries, but they kind of work for your country?), and the Congregation of Merchants, aka your country, which are basically neutral ground capitalists that everyone sort of doesn’t hate. (Theleme and Bridge Alliance despise each other, roughly a little more than they hate the natives.) You’ve got one companion from every faction: Siora from the natives, Kurt from the Coin Guard, Vasco from the Nauts, Petrus from Theleme, and Aphra from Bridge Alliance. They’re all representatives of their people, but also (as you might guess) non-extremists. Because otherwise you’d want to murder them. Siora isn’t desperate to kick out the foreigners, she just wants her people to be safe and respected. Kurt and Vasco are basically just following you because it’s Kurt’s job and Vasco’s boss told him to. Petrus is a conniving old man, but he doesn’t shove God down your throat too much and seems to respect the natives, sort of. And Aphra has enough morals to agree that killing for science ain’t cool, and maybe the natives aren’t just savages. All in all, they’re all pretty reasonable. Compared to Dragon Age, none of your companions (or other NPCs) have a ton of personality, but somehow they still manage to have a good bit, and I ended up really liking them. SO LETS TALK ABOUT SHIPPING You can romance Kurt if you’re playing a woman, Aphra if you’re playing a man, and Vasco and Siora in either case. But, oh my god?, getting the romance to happen is practically impossible. Save first. I romanced both Kurt and Siora (in different saves; can’t do ‘em both in one), using a guide, but by the time I had thought about romancing, I’d already said one wrong thing to Vasco and screwed my chances hahaha. There’s basically 3 specific conversations you have to have with them, and each time you have to pick the right thing to say, out of three choices. If you offend them at all, there’s no going back. Wow. They’re not very intuitive, either. ANYWAY. The romances aren’t all that interesting, but they add a bit to their stories, so it’s cool. I think my ship preferences with these four characters are Kurt, Siora, Vasco, and Aphra, in that order. But you KNOW WHAT? I wanna romance Petrus. Yes, the old man. The bishop. And yeah, I know why you can’t. (It’s spoiler time!) You can’t romance him basically for the exact reason you should be able to romance him: he was in love with your mom. Your birth mom, who was a native, which you never knew about. He pined for her after she was captured and taken from her land, and when she was in pain and wanted to die, he didn’t help, and now he’s like “woe is me, I’m flooded with guilt”. Which is partly why he’s following you/ de Sardet around. So you can’t romance him because he sees you as his kid... kinda?... ish?... I guess? Sure. Ok. I mean, that’s cute. I like it. He makes a pretty bad dad, to be honest, because he’s more like that one slightly morally corrupt uncle who lets you drink hard alcohol when you’re a teenager but only under his supervision. But he cares, and that’s the important thing. I don’t dislike dad-Petrus at all. But you should still be able to romance him because of the good old classic “you’re so much like your mother”. Problematic? MAYBE. =D But a real missed opportunity. Also he’s my favorite companion. He’s a real manipulator. Gets excited about blackmailing politicians. Sounds like he’s smoked a pack a day. I just like the guy a lot. (And you know how much fanart he has? Like none. Le sigh.) (Also very few ship fics with him; I’m not surprised, but of course I must remedy this. I’m 4k in already and it’s a lot of de Sardet thinking, and her friends poking at her.) BUT ALSO, to move on from Petrus. There’s a character I neglected to mention at all, because he’s not a playable companion (except for a tiny while in the beginning, iirc). He’s perhaps my real favorite character... or maybe tied with Petrus. Yes, it’s Constantin, de Sardet’s “dear cousin”. Oh my lord, Constantin. What a cutie??? He’s basically the prince. He’s been appointed as the governor of their city on the new island, and he’s precious. Genuinely a puppy. And I think you should be able to romance him. (It’s less crazy than you might think!) MORE SPOILERS TIME So, as it turns out (well, I already sort of spoiled it up there), because de Sardet is actually a native, s/he and Constantin are not actually cousins. They love each other immensely. The game makes no mistake about this. They’re absolutely besties. I think Constantin calls you his lucky star. He’s always so flattering, and seeing de Sardet just makes his day. And since it turns out you’re not really cousins, you should be able to romance him. And do you know why? I mean, because they love each other, clearly. But also, that ending. Good lord that ending. I mean, if you didn’t think that they loved each other that much, the ending basically says, “HEY ACTUALLY they totally love each other more than anything”, which makes it terribly depressing either way, because you can either... well, stay with him forever, to the detriment of literally everyone else, or, you know, not stay with him, in order to kind of save everyone. It’s already very heart-wrenching, but letting them literally be in love? GAWD. Talk about pulling heartstrings. It would have made the ending like... an actual choice. (BIG SPOILER BELOW although you probably already guessed.) Yeah so you have to kill Constantin to save the island. OR, you two can become the new gods, and everyone fears you and it’s terrible. Lordy. Just terrible either way, because there’s no way you played the game and didn’t end up loving Constantin somewhere along the way, even when the red flags started going up that he’d gone power mad. (Because even when he’s power mad, he still obviously loves de Sardet SO MUCH, OH my god...) So. As I said. You should be able to romance Petrus because, well, I want to. Need me that problematic ship, c’mon! And you should be able to romance Constantin because the whole plot is literally written that way??? It’s like the romance that is set in stone, you know? And it literally drives the plot. The whole “Constantin gets native powers and decides he wants to be a god” thing was sort of predictable (as soon as it started happening, because shit, I didn’t have a clue what was going to happen before!), but overall I thought the game and story were pretty good. I recommend playing it if you’re got 40 hours free and it’s really on sale or something. I give it an 8.2 out of 10. (Higher if it didn’t start to feel kind of grindy at points. Lower if I’d had to pay for it. Much higher if they let you romance your pseudo-dad or pseudo-cousin, hahaha.)

#elo talks #Greedfall #elo rambles #not a coherent review actually just me giving a rundown of the game and characters #and then babbling about ships that didn't happen #long post

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genderfluidlucifer · 3 years

Text

Response to being asked to give an opinion on Connie’s calout by residentevil-4

(Tw: CSAM, rape fic, incest fic, predatory behavior, racism, ableism, kink mention, nsfw mentions. Minors should probably dni.)

“Connie and I know each other irl and went to school together for 3 years, although they now live in a different state and have cut contact with me. We went to a private therapy school in Manhattan as we're both disabled and were deemed unable to attend public school. Even though we were pretty close, Connie didn't like having photos taken of them, so I don't have any selfies of the two of us; however, these are from our sophomore and senior yearbooks which at least confirms that we were in the same year at school. People who have seen Connie's selfies should be able to confirm that that is what they look like. First and foremost, Connie is not TMA. They are intersex and the two of us have discussed intersex issues both in person and online, but they are still decidedly CAFAB.” Ok so first off, I want to address this part of the callout. To be honest...was it really necessary to literally doxx Connie ehre? Because this textbook definition of doxxing. Yes Connie’s done some shitty things but I freally don’t think that what they’ve done warrants this level of doxxing. Or...even better, any doxxing. This feels like a really unnecessary breach of privacy, revealing sensitive information on Connie’s childhood that they choose to confide in you with. I really don’t agree with this aspect of the callout as it feels very invasive and bordering on stalkerish. Btw when I say bordering on stalkerish I’m not directly calling you a stalker Bonnie. Just so we’re clear. I am not defending Connie supposedly faking being TMA. Because faking being TMA is a very serious issue. HOWEVER since I don’t know Connie irl and to be quite frank it’s none of my business what the nature of their agab is. Were not close and I’m certainly not going to like lead Connie onto thinking we’re friends just to confirm this with them because that would be creepy. So to be honest I’m going to take this part of the callout with again of salt for now.

[ID: A cropped screenshot of a numbered list Connie posted to their blog hadrosaurs in response to an ask.

“3. I’m TMA And that’s completely irrelevant. I’m not accusing them because of their gender I didn’t even know their gender when they said that to me saying that they said that because they fucking said that and the reaction to it was incredibly alarming. Don’t fucking say that stuff to people.]

I mean I”m not a trans woman so take this with a grain of salt if you want but...I don’t see how this is really proof of Connie being deliberately transmisogynistic? Yes Connie gives iffy retellings of mistakes they’ve made in the past. I’ve seen that on their blog before and I won’t pretend it doesn’t happen. BUT here they sound genuine enough and to be honest a growing issue I’ve seen with callouts as of late is. A person confirms they in fact did not do the thing they were called out for. And then the people who make the callout choose to see it as proof of incriminating behavior anyways. To be honest it’s a big problem and it’s also incredibly unfair to the person being called out. If you’re so determined at that point to see the person as bigoted no matter what they say then of course anything they say can be seen as proof. So I’m going to have to pass on this bit of evidence. “Connie responded: “Final note: I have spoken extensively with several trans women about using TMA to describe myself. I will not be getting into discourse about that on this blog again. All that leads to is people demanding my medical records and calling me slurs. If you wanna have a thoughtful conversation about it direct message me cause it’s not happening again here.” Again this really doesn’t seem all that self incriminating. Connie mentions here that they’ve talked to rl trans woman about whether or not they can be considered TMA. Connie really doesn’t have to disclose that personal information to people for any reason. Yes even when people are e including this ask response in a callout. And considering lots of people DO get invasive about Connie’s medical history ans general personal life over matters like this? I feel their reaction is pretty understandable here. “Connie has constantly compared “exclusionists” (or anyone, really) to TERFs, even when the people in question are not transmisogynistic, trans exclusionary radfems, or are even transmisogyny affected themselves.

“ Gonna have to disagree with this part of the callout too. Lots of ace inclus blogs, even some run by trans women , have proven that the ace exclus movement was started by swerfs/terfs. But the blog that has the most evidence for this is courteousmingler on tumblr. I suggest you check out that blog’s archiving of the history of ace exclus rhetoric before rushing to call me a transmisogynist for disagreeing with this part of the callout. I looked through all of the evidence for Connie being racist and tbh as a black ndn it all feels incredibly flimsy. It’d be one thing if Connie was using their experiences to derail and invalidate the discussions about how black people are oppressed But they weren’t doing that there at all. This part of the post feels incredibly biased. And like OP is looking for things to be mad about. Going to have to pass on this list of evidence. Also uh I seem to recall that residentevil04 got called out for some questionable behavior as well. “Both me (insepsy, hi) and ezrat have had really weird spikes in activity on our Statcounters, both on the same day. (Saturday, 4/17/21) For both of us, majority of the pages looked at by these visitors have been related to or about Connie, or have been posts that Connie would find "problematic" such as the f slur untagged or something related to "panphobia"/aphobia. I’m sorry but...none of the proof of cyberstalking holds any water. Visiting someone’s blogs and rbing posts to disagree with them is not cyberstalking. Keeping tabs on urls that an abusive person who has harassed are using so you can block them (in this case with kyoshi) and warn your mutuals is not stalking. As a victim of rl stalking it’s...really weird to call this legit stalking at all. Much less claim that you have damning proof of it being stalking when no such evidence exists in the callout. Besides after Connie and nonbinarydave called out one of kyoshi’s buddies for sending a death threat hate anon to nonbinarydave’s toddler st4lker partly admitted to doing it a few times. Then other mutuals in kyoshi’s toxic social circle clearly began joining in. Making side accounts where they tried to spin a false narrative of nonbinarydave’s daughter being one of their alters (ableist as hell.) And also trying to do it in such a way that they thought would trigger nonibnarydave’s psychosis (also ableist as hell.) If you’re going to drag Connie for their mistakes and never let them move on from those mistakes then it’s only fair to do that to people you agree with who also do toxic/bigoted things. ALso the fact that your wording here suggests that you think panphobia and aphobia aren’t real makes me doubt this claim even more. Exclus and their allies are notorious for mislabeling inclus disagreeing with them as stalking. “connie said that they would release that info at a later time and the minor began to argue with them that they had a responsibility regardless of their complicated relationship with age. in this argument connie for a time kept their age ambiguous and at one point told the minor (who confirmed in a later ask that they were severely traumatized by adults) that they obviously weren’t traumatized. connie quickly deleted this ask and any mentions of it and the next post they reblogged was about how wrong it was to try and quantify or discount others’ trauma. on my old blog i @ed them in the replies and asked if they had just done that. connie admitted to it and said it was fucked up but quickly blocked + deleted my comment. i can’t remember whether or not connie apologized to the minor, they may have? but yeah. i thought that was pretty weird.”] I do agree with some of the concern here that adults shouldn’t over expose minors in discourse. I’ve been contemplating this for awhile myself. And trying to figure out how to take better steps to avoid including minors who are triggered by discourse in discourse, especially. HOWEVER I have one little issue with this addition to the callout. If that is the case then exclus and their allies need to practice this as well. You cannot ignore the fact that the reason a lot of minors are getting involved in exclus discourse is due to adult exclus and their allies forcing minors to pick a side in the discourse. Y’all are not at all exempt from this problem. I still remember an ex mutual of mine trying to convince a minor to agree that aces can’t face corrective rape. And based on how aggressive it got with me when I tried to avoid giving an opinion on the matter, I can’t imagine that it would’ve reacted better to the minor refusing to give an opinion or to the minor outright disagreed. Refusing to put these standards on exclus and their allies is both hypocritical and quite frankly very transparent. The claims about them glorifying dark topics on AO3 through their fics also seems unfortunately legit. I mean those asks of shaming people who ask their viewers to not romanticize or glorify abusive relationships in their works is very damning. I’m very disappointed to see that Connie has taken being an inclus to the point of validating antis anti culture wholeheartedly. I can’t think of much more to add to my opinion on that part of the callout. As for the issue of Connie interacting with pro shippers in the past, I do know that this claim is legit. I’ve seen it before and so has Breeze. This was why for a brief time we decided to stop following their blogs. Because it was triggering to have pro shippers put on our dash. And sometimes we just don’t feel it’s worth it to always let people we’re platforming know they’re rbing triggering stuff. So sometimes we just quietly unfollow and choose to not interact until we’re sure they’re filtering what they do and don’t rb in some way. I definitely don’t agree with that behavior. And if they’re still doing that I”ll deplatform again. “The anon asks: “A weird question but do you know any other stimboard blogs with your follow criteria? (No radfems, racists, fandom antis, etc.) I was hoping to find more through your “similar blogs” but a lot have no anti-antis for their DNI or allow truscum/transmeds and exclus. :(“

The user responds: “I know of @turtle-pond-stims, @outofangband, and @kinaesthetics! 🍂🍄" “[ID: A cropped screenshot of an ask sent by Connie from their now-deactivated blog, butch-with-a-tortoise.

Connie says: “hey anon I have safe stim blogs. dm me if you want them. And radfems/bigots aren’t allowed to interact. For my own safety (because the community is honestly terrifying) I can’t publicly say on my blogs that I’m safe for proshippers/kinky people but I try to spread word how I can.”] [ID: Screenshot of a post by evilwriter37, which reads, “I’ve been seeing posts about fandom police leaving ao3, and it’s like: Good. We don’t want you here anyway. Go find your own fanfiction site.”

The post is tagged “#Fandom #AO3 #Antis #Purity Culture” and has 87 notes. It was posted on December 21st, 2020.

There is a reply from main-to-outofangband-andothers saying: “there are Silm antis on that site who are against Russigon (Maedhros and Fingon) not because they’re cousins but because they’re both male (coded)”] [ID: A screenshot of an anonymous (though signed off as being from outofangband) ask sent to evilwriter37, which says, “Melkor and Viggo solidarity is ‘Look there’s nothing wrong with keeping my enemy chained up in my personal chambers at all times so please just focus on the war efforts and I’ll focus on the boy* in my chambers’ -@outofbangand.

*boy used figuratively @ antis”

The user responds: “Pfft!!! Hahaha! You’re absolutely right! (And Viggo does refer to Hiccup in canon as ‘my boy’).”] I can’t really say anything to refute this. Because these are all posts of Connie outright stating that they disagree with antis. And not only sympathize with anti antis but are fully against antis. Looks like very damning evidence. Although ngl I’m not entirely against kinky blogs as a whole? Just so long as they truly stay in their lane with their kink content. And don’t force it on others in any way. Or shame people who are triggered by their kinks. It is true that being entirely against kinky blogs no matter what is dipping your toes into swerf rhetoric. Tbh I’m not going to look at the rest. This is pretty much all I need to make a decision on whether or not I”ll continue platforming Connie. Though I will try to get some more perspective from people who I interact with as well. Because I feel better about making a more definitive decision after doing that. Also in general please don’t not try to get an opinion from me on how I feel about syscourse. A lot of the claims about Connie’s age weirdness and them using their alters as a shield feel like syscourse to me. Especially if this callout was written by one or several singlets. Singlets should never be trying to judge how legit someone’s system is ever. Even if their system friends encourage them to. You can call out a horrible person with a system without trying to insinuate that they’re lying about their alters in some way. Doing otherwise is ableist ESPECIALLY if you’re a singlet. Also in general the reason I stay out of discussions of judging how someone is handling their systems is because it’s syscourse and syscourse is triggering for my system and I. If this post was an attempt to get me to give an opinion on the validity of Connie’s system I don’t appreciate it. And I would appreciate not being dragged into such matters again, thank you.

In general there’s like a few parts of this callout that feel legit. Which is unfortunately cluttered with obvious bias and obsessive hatred of Connie. I’m not here to stan or coddle Connie. I know they are not a perfect person. Especially since no human being in the world is perfect. But I feel the way this callout was created was very sloppy since a lot of the evidence was messy at best. And some points were very hypocritical as well as there being some no true scotsman moments from OP. In acting like exclus never do any of the thing that they tried to call out Connie for. Which is behavior that I am not a fan of. This is why people need to be more careful about callouts and like make roughdrafts and have a more unbiased person helping them if they don’t feel they can do it on their own. I’m even trying to make a resolve to do better at that myself. So it’s not like I’m unwilling to put my money where my mouth is. Anyways those are all my thoughts on this messy callout. And tbh I’m not going to get too much more heavily involved in this. Because I need to focus on more immediately serious rl stuff more often, like doing what I can to get out of the hellish landscape of a house I currently am stuck in.

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beclynn-herondale · 4 years

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What annoys me is that the people hating on Jace aren’t thinking about the society he grew up in. The shadowhunter society is so corrupt it’s crazy and they definitely don’t make an effort to make sure their youth knows what they’re doing is right and what they’re doing is wrong. Young shadowhunters have to depend on the people they meet and their life experiences to stay “woke” but Jace literally grew up alone in the institute with three other siblings and no friends. (1/2)

Hi anon, so first

(The Tea is piping Hot, and thank you for bringing this up )

I honestly agree with you, and this is actually something I have thought on a lot and yes it was written so many years ago that yeah of course some things we aren't going to agree with cause it's 2020 and things are different now. And the traits Cassie wrote in Jace were popular back then and Cliches were too and we need to keep this in mind.

And yes the Shadowhunters are terrible with educating their own, most shadowhunters have not been educated in mundane history and terms and other Mundane things, Diana herself said she didn't know the term Transgender until she met Catarina I think right?

And Jace was not educated in what was right to support Alec and that is not his Fault cause the Clave don't allow Mundane education so how exactly would Jace know 100% what was homophobic and not or what fetishization is??? Cause he wasn't educated in mundane terms and something you need to look at is that that truly is on Cassie she should have known that that would be offensive and never had him say some of these things, but also that was years ago.

Also erasing his character development to hate him is wrong and unfair, how about instead we appreciate how he has grown, like how much he loves kids and his family, how he was nervous to meet Kit cause he wanted to make a good impression, how he wants to be a dad, how he wants a big family cause of how close the Blackthorns are and cause he wants his kids to be like them. Or how he loves with his whole heart, also lets not forget that if not for Simon, Clary and Jace, Jem wouldn't have been cured and would still be a silent brother and our precious baby Min Min wouldn't exist and how after the whole Heavenly Fire incident Jace was worried he hurt Jem and went to check on him before anyone, someone he didn't know really.

And how he said to Clary until she came along he didn't feel like he belonged anywhere, and boy do I relate to that, and yes he had the Lightwoods but he didn't truly know how much they loved him until Clary came along, cause Jace was afraid to open up until she came along. And he was told at Six years old that if he loved he would destroy and would be destroyed, he was manipulated, he was abused, he was tortured, he was neglected, he was used and he was used by others not just Valentine, Luke Garroway said himself that he wasn't surprised Jace didn't trust the Adults around him cause they have used him, and so he put walls up cause being used is one of the worst feelings and he had been before he was even born.

And he was lied to about himself pretty much his whole life and during TMI he had been lied to his entire life. He literally went through an identity crisis several times, also he never thought he would have a best friend/Parabatai aka Alec, he never thought he would have a family aka Isabelle and Maryse and Max, and he never thought he deserved or would find love aka Clary Fucking Fairchild, and then later on he got more family aka Blueberry and Rafe and Magnus and Simon as a good friend. He never thought he would be happy, he thought he would be an angry and broken boy all his life. And why do you think Clary and Alec are so protective of Jace cause they know who he really is and know he is fragile and can get hurt easily, that's why Clart is described as his Shield and why it is mentioned several times that she saved him, also he was suicidal when we first met him, even Alec said he was always rushing towards death and reckless decisions and that he is thankful that Clary came along cause she made Jace want to live and now he doesn't have to worry about Jace wanting to get himself killed, and he has mental issues ( yes I am mentioning this again). Also you say he didn't apologize but we truly cannot be 100% sure of that cause for all we know he did and it wasn't in the book and again that's on Cassie cause she didn't give us a proper scene. And you say he doesn't give a shit about Alec, well how about that scene in TDA when Magnus is dying and Alec is saying he wishes he told Magnus how much he loved him and Jace tells Alec he knows and then Alec says he should go on a watch so he doesn't let anyone down and Jace thinks to himself how could Alec let anyone down and tells Alec his watch is taking care of Magnus and I quote "this is your watch brother". Or the scene in Heavenly fire when Jace tells Alec that Alec is a better person then he could ever be, that he has the most faith in people and that he is kind and that there is no one else with more of that then Alec, or again in TDA when he was the one who sat up as soon as the words were off the consuls mouth and Said Alec for the new Consul cause he knew how much Alec wanted it. How about in Tales of the Shadowhunter Academy when Simon is feeling like his Falling is Bad and he tells Simon he did good. Also how about how he went to talk to Tessa and yes Simon encouraged him but Jace had the willpower to do it, past Jace wouldn't have. And how about in City of Ashes when Maia who hated Jace, saw through his mask and saw herself in his eyes.

And he had to fight two wars at the age of 16/17 he wasn't even an adult, and had to help save the Shadow world and had to help clean up mistakes of parents and then finds out that also Valentine killed both his parents, and so not only did Valentine steal his childhood but also stole his chance at having a Mother who would have loved him more than anything cause she never had that but also a father who was going to change for him and most likely would have loved him deeply. Like I can't imagine the grief even though yes he did/does have a family but imagine still. He lost so much before he was born and afterwards, and how about the people who are always telling him he is Valentine's son so he may be like him and his Mother was said to have killed herself ( she didn't Valentine killed her as well btw ) and people probably have said he is Crazy like her and will do the same, guess what the Clave is Toxic and that's why Alec is going to change it cause it needs to be. And I know what it's like to be said to be a crazy bitch cause of your mental illnesses and cause of other things, to have things consistently whispered behind your back.

And this is getting long but bottom line is Jace is so much more then an ass and sarcastic, he has giving me the strength to get through my current life situation and gave me the strength to save myself recently, and has encouraged me to be a better version of myself, he has taught me that love is strength and will heal and change me if I let the right love in, he is there for me at 2 am when I am contemplating giving up and throwing it all away, he is there telling me look how far you have come, don't give up. He is there telling me your scars show how strong you are and all that you have survived and you should be proud of them, he has taught me that my abuse doesn't define me and that the manipulative adults in my life won't always have control over me. He kept me from trying to kill myself again, he gave me the strength to say that something that has happened recently is not my fault, he gave me the strength to own my confidence and my gentleness and fragilety cause that's me.

And I mostly ignore the hate or at least try to but it keeps getting thrown at me and other Jace Stans and it's time to stop.

SO IF YOU ARE GOING TO POST HATE DON'T TAG IT.

Cause tumblrs tagging system sucks and guess what us Jace Stans and Clary Stans and Clace Stans have just as much a right to enjoy ourselves and be here, as much as you haters do, and you not liking him or hating him isn't going to change my mind or make me stop loving him and also WHY ARE YOU USING THE SHORT TIME YOU HAVE FOR HATE, WHY NOT USE IT TO SPREAD LOVE FOR YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTERS INSTEAD????

How is it fair for us Jace/Clary/Clace stans to deal with your hate be told it's just an opinion, well guess what it's not just an opinion, when it's messing with my mental health. So please just stop and yes he's fictional so 1. Why does it matter so much. 2. Why do you care so much? 3. Why do you care so much about us liking him then? 4. Is hurting people in real life really worth it? 5. Is spreading so much hate in this world really what you want to be known for? 6. JACE is not the only problematic character for Angel's sake, there are many many others so that Is no reason to hate him.

Conclusion please stop, we just want to enjoy ourselves, hell we don't even have to interact ever and just stay in our own lanes, also TSC fandom has become the most toxic fandom I am in and that's saying something cause I have been in toxic fandoms, is this what we want to be known as? A toxic fandom who you should avoid? Cause let me tell you I don't, so why don't we just respect each other and stop being hateful. I have kept quiet about this for months and I am tired of holding it in, you say you respect opinions but if you say that If we stan Jace/Clary/Clace then we don't have rights even if it's joke, guess what it isn't a joke to me and I don't laugh at it, and if we really want to criticize and have equality then we need to judge all of them and Jace isn't the only one who as you say has made homophobic and fetishization comments and he isn't the only one who has done problematic things.

Bottom line I want to enjoy myself and lately the only thing I have had is hate and hurt and getting upset cause I like a character who is actually a good example on growing as a person because of a few scenes how is that fair, basically you are saying you made some mistakes and don't deserve to have your growth acknowledged and you don't deserve second chance cause well you're evil, guess who has been told that many times in her life, me, so it's very triggering for me, the words I hate Jace are triggering for me and I don't say this lightly at all. And don't tell me I haven't thought this through or haven't looked at the bad parts and the cons cause I have but I also look at the good parts and the pros so that is why I love Jace, cause I love his good and bad parts and I acknowledge his growth and change. So to put it simply he is not who he was in TMI, just like Alec is not who he was in TMI.

I am working on a post to clear more of this up but all I am asking is for you to not hate especially in a time that is already stressful and hard for me and everyone else, you aren't doing good and it doesn't make you cool. SORRY but it's the truth, you are hurting people, Imagine if it was your favorite character(s) and how would you feel??? So just stop.

( this is my view on things and my opinion and if you have no intention of being civil then don't interact, I am not interested in a fight with you. Or throwing hateful comments at each but know that I will also not take your hate and will defend myself)

So yeah Anon I agree with you and let's spread positivity cause I would rather this end here and spread love and positivity.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

#jace herondale #jace lightwood herondale #jace lightwood #jace has too many last names #clace #tsc #the shadowhuter chronicles #tmi #the mortal instruments #clary fray #clary fairchild #my opinion #tw hate #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mental disorders #tsc fandom #fandom #tw fandom

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romolite · 4 years

Text

*Important FAQ*

Aka questions that pertain to what I usually post about or stuff I don’t like getting asks about but continue to get asks about regardless.

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity/race]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here in the US. I’ve seen it more on twitter and tumblr, but Black Africans don’t like me because I’m American, and black Americans don’t like me because I’m African. So I’m stuck in the middle lmao. I’m what you’d consider a First-Generation African, my parents are Continental Africans, and if I have children, they will be considered Generational African Americans.

First Generation African: A black person born in the US to parents who were born in Africa

Generational African American: A black person born in the US to US-born black parent(s)

Continental African: A black person born in Africa to parents who were also born in Africa

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

Yeah sure it wasnt coined by black people but the context it’s currently used as was predominantly used by black people. ALL people who are not black benefit from and contribute to antiblackness, even if they are marginalized themselves. That kind of dynamic doesnt exist in other contexts (unless we’re talking about transfem + transmisogyny, but that’s something you’d have to talk to someone who is transfem about. Plus they have their own word for “non-transfem”). Using it in contexts outside of antiblackness is appropriative (Yall are annoying as fuck with the “non-aspec” “non-lesbian”(this term also has anti-bi roots btw) “non-bi” shit etc, stop it. You also can’t complain about the “replacement terms” lumping yall with oppressors when “non-x” does the exact same thing you’re so worried about. “Cis” puts cis gays with cis hets, cis disabled people with cis abled people, cis white people with cis poc, I could go on.)

Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriate at all. I dont take issue with terms like “nonamerican” or “nonwhite” because (obviously) whites + americans as a whole aren’t oppressed for being white or american.

Basically using "non-x” in contexts to talk about oppression bad, everything else good.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-LGBT- cishet, or people who aren’t LGBT

non-trans - cis

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

At this point I dont really care, go on your antiblack crusade elsewhere and out of my inbox, I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb.

And yes, you’re antiblack as fuck if you think black people telling you “nb” stands for “nonblack” is the same as exclusionists claiming “aspec” is for autistic people.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave and how harmful it is for nonblacks to use aave given its history. I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. A lot of “stan twitter” language/slang is just repackaged AAVE. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE. Don’t tell me you’re going to try to stop using AAVE, I don’t want to hear it.

Why don’t you like the n-word being compared to LGBT slurs?

Race and Sexuality/Gender aren’t comparable topics because each deals with a different history of oppression. I don’t care about slur discourse that much because I don’t even use/reclaim any myself except the n-word.

I have a problem with nonblack LGBT people co-opting black culture and struggle(like they always do), especially for trivial online discourse.

And to be honest it goes deeper than slur discourse. Every other day someone is weaponizing the oppression of black trans women, or comparing “cishet aces/aros” in the LGBT community to white/nonblack people invading black spaces (you know, something that ACTUALLY takes resources away from the people who need it, see the cultural appropriation of Black African and Blac American culture in literally any nonblack community while black people get demonized for said culture), or tokenizing their black friends to get away with something blatantly racist. And that’s not even getting into how a lot of gay slang/stan culture is just repurposed AAVE/black culture.

And I’m not gonna lie, I’ve seen this more with exclusionist accounts than inclus accounts, but it’s still not excusable for inclus to do that either. We get erased as black gay/trans/queer/aspec people up until it’s time for discourse accounts to bring us up to one-up each other

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but don't take my word for it. I’m also tme, able-bodied, not Jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemitism, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school-related stuff since I just graduated high school, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Can I follow if I’m nonblack/a minor/cishet?

Nonblack and/or cishet can follow but watch your step, minors blacklist the #minors dni tag before following

Why do you hate Ao3?

*long sigh*

I don't, I have a problem with the fact that it allows racist and (frankly voyeuristic) pedophilic/abusive/incestuous content to exist on its platform. It’s a good concept overall, but the devs are complicit in allowing “underage” and “noncon/dubcon” fics on their platform.

And there's the fact that they somehow need donations every year despite exceeding their goal several times over each year?

What’s wrong with Hazbin Hotel/The Ships/Vivziepop?

[WIP, as I have to go into extensive detail about this and I currently don’t have the energy for it]

TLDR: Viv made a half-assed apology for supporting racists (one of whom did blackface [yes the mask was used to do blackface shut up] to mock black activist) and drawing gross content. Her current projects including Hazbin Hotel are full of anti-gay/trans/aspec (Angel Dust, Vaggie, Alastor), antisemetic (Mimzy), and racist (Vaggie again, that yellow cyclops character that I’ve forgotten the name of) content under the guise of humor. If you’re into that shit, whatever, just don’t follow me and don’t whine when I make posts criticizing it.

What’s wrong with Hamilton?

Aside from the fact that it’s very obviously glorifying slave owners and made people worldwide believe the founding fathers were good people, LMM, the creator, is nonblack. This isn't his story to tell at all.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come upon this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I tag slurs I’m not able to reclaim at all (i.e., d slur, f slur, t slur) or slurs I can reclaim but are being used as a slurs. I don’t tag the n-word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 16 or post things I’m not interested in.

Why is it important to have byf or about?

1) So I know gross people aren’t following me. This is not up for discussion

2) So I know someone’s not speaking out of their lane, which tends to happen a lot. (i.e, someone refusing to disclose that they are tme when discussing transmisogyny, someone not having their race listed when discussing racism)

3) Some people don’t want to interact with people under 18 or over like 30 or something.

Yeah, yeah, people aren’t entitled to personal information and all that crap but I have a serious problem with people speaking on topics from a place of privilege. Not to say they can’t talk about those things, just perhaps add a disclaimer that you’re privileged when talking about these things and be open to criticism, and NOT blocking people of the said marginalized group when they tell you something you’ve said was problematic.

I also have a problem with people who are intentionally vague about their age. There’s a difference between interacting with someone who’s 20 and someone who’s 29. I don’t want to say it’s the opposite for minors but at the same time there’s a difference for saying something racist at 13 and doing so at 17, and keeping your age vague makes it harder to determine how to deal with something like that. (Not that 13-year-olds shouldn’t know better, it’s just I don’t feel whole ass callout posts and receipt blogs are necessary for someone of that age).

Also anyone under 16, I can't stop you from following, but keep your interaction limited, please. This isnt an 18+ blog but I do rb suggestive jokes from time to time

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this or it’s been answered in my faq

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]! I usually double-check myself, just to be sure.

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I don't usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or Instagram.

Why am I blocked? Check here.

Why do you continuously move mains/change URLs/update themes?

I’m inconsistent. And sometimes there are posts on my blog that I no longer stand by.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?Of course!

#lite.txt #long post #faq

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bitofthisandthat · 4 years

Note

// To Mun: Did you see the Let's Get Dangerous promo? What did you think of it? Are you looking forward to the episode or no? I know there's a fair share of fans of older Disney Duck media, like yourself, that are disappointed with decisions made in the reboot, and I think it's important for older fans to be allowed to share their opinions without being harassed. Critical thinking is important, and it's important to be able to share opinions, good and bad, especially if you're a long-time fan!

{{ Before I rant, I JUST HOPE I’M WRONG ABOUT THE UPCOMING EP. And if I am, I’ll admit it.

I have a lot to say, so for sanity’s sake a chunk is under the cut, and long story short folks? I am nervous af about the DWD episode. I think it looks pretty. That’s it. I am not looking forward to being upset by all the fanboy changes Frank will have undoubtedly made. He’s made it clear every day behind the scenes that he doesn’t give a fuck about what the seasoned team or original creators want, and he’s well known in the field to disrespect “his elders” as well as his new team naysayers, treating them like shits, and he rules with an iron fist. So I am excited to see the ART, but not the way it’s written.

The art is nice for what it is, not going to deny that I like how DT17 looks. ( I also love the original style too, because cell-art is superior to me ) I guess I differ from fellow “old school fans” in that I DO like how the show looks. 🤷‍♀️ It has polished animation that is much different from the inconsistent styles from 4 different studios hand painting the cells. ( Although I appreciate hand painted-cells!!! It’s fun to see diff styles too!! ) For the most part, the characters and backgrounds in DT17 are consistently styled, and there is a feel of modern western comic mixed with manga art brought to life. Which is ironic, because the WRITING is inconsistent, brick-a-bracked, disconnected, and has a multitude of continuity issues in lieu of whatever joke of the day fits the featured character. But, that’s what you get when each 24 minute episode is written by 6-12 people. And, there can be no consistency among those 5-12 writers/scripts between production gaps. One writer may do 1 episode one season, while only contribute a scant amount to 4 eps on another season, and then never write again until the finale, and only contribute ONE scene. Of course, many ideas have been thrown out that promote continuity and loyalty to story arcs and characters by, you guessed it, Frank. The best TV, animated or live, has 2-3 writers per episode at most, and a story editor that actually cares about consistency and the show as a whole. Not several vignettes that don’t connect and appear to look like a meta-gaming wet dream and bad fix-ups. It’s highly sophomoric.

There is obviously a clash of egos going on behind the scenes, and too many cooks ruin the soup.

BTW; I thank you for asking me, but to be perfectly honest, I am well aware of how the tumblr “DT17 only” fans think of us old-schoolers. They are not kind to us, and most of them think we’re overreacting, “problematic,” mean, and should “Just STFU and let them have the show” to themselves. We never said you can’t enjoy the reboot for what it is, an AU. But we’re the ones told consistently that if we don’t bow down and accept the reboot as BIBLE truth, we’re to be ousted. I KNOW, I play 2 DT17 muses here, but I can bridge the differences just fine. But the flaws are so big for me, I have to cherry pick “DT17 canon” and ignore much of fandom to enjoy it.

What Frank & company are doing is disrespectful. Not just to the majority of Duck fans, but to the original creators, actors, and artists that worked so hard for 30-90 years to make these characters come to be. I know I won’t convince any of the new fans, so I’m going to be brutal. They are only on board with what Frank is doing because he loves to bait the young fandom into disagreements if it means their crack!ships are validated for 1 episode with forced subtext or vague tumblr/twAtter posts. If they actually saw the original content as a whole, they’d be pissed too.

To those of us that actually grew up with both Ducktales and Darkwing Duck, owned Disney Adventures mags, Don Rosa comics, and respect Tad Stones for not only birthing DWD, but GARGOYLES, our stomachs drop before most episodes begin. We’re preparing ourselves to see a blasphemous take on characters and storylines that DO NOT NEED UPDATING. “Woke is the autotune of art and tv,” folks. It doesn’t make it better, it’s like putting a cup of salt on an already seasoned dish.

SO. Ehhhhhhhhhh I am more cautious than usual about the 1 hour DWD special. I am EXTREMELY nervous about Gosalyn.

She’s aged up “to a sassy teen” like Lena for some stupid reason, when she’s always been 9-10. There’s other issues facing Gos I am not comfortable talking about openly, but basically, I don’t like what Frank’s been doing to old characters to make them more woke and modern, there was NOTHING wrong with these characters.

Some of his voice actor choices by the way? Not a good match. Don’t get me started on Jason taking over for Steelbeak. Stephanie B is funny/sexy irl, she’s made a career out of the edgelord-deadpan-roughneck routine, but she’s not a voice actress. Christine Cavanagh ( RIP ) had a youthful, spunky, cuteness that Stephanie lacks. So instead of finding an actress that has true Gos “flair” he picks someone that’s deep-voiced and cold, instead of cute and spunky. Frank seems hellbent on making every female dry, rude little edge-lords and it’s PLAYED OUT. I’m finding it very hard to like former female characters I adored growing up because almost all the women & girls in DT17 are bitchy she-beasts, and the men are either bumbling idiots or weak boys that need the women/girls to wipe their tushies for them after potty. It’s so demeaning to these characters. As a grown woman, I am not threatened by men, so I don’t need them to be dumbed down to make me feel big. I just KNOW Gosalyn, a now “Sassy Teen” is going to be a disrespectful ASSHOLE to Drake. Old school Gosalyn was TOUGH and a huge handful, but there was still an endearing charm and sweetness to her that made you forgive all her bullshit, and when she rebelled it was because she wanted to be with her dad, not “put him in his place” she has canonly stated in the 90′s DWD and comics over and over, that DWD and Drake = her hero. }}

#hey nony nonny #asks #ooc #DO NOT REBLOG !!!!!!!#MUN OPINION #MUN RANT #{ Not so much a rant as my opening statement to the COURT. }

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coffereadsasoiaf · 5 years

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Thoughts on ACoK Dany II and III

ACoK Dany III actually reminded me about the passage in ACoK Dany II that I wanted to talk about ages ago. So, she has just arrived to Qarth and while taking a bath, she has the following thoughts:

“The thought of home disquieted her. If her sun-and-stars had lived, he would have led his khalasar across the poison water and swept away her enemies, but his strength had left the world. Her bloodriders remained, sworn to her for life and skilled in slaughter, but only in the ways of the horselords. The Dothraki sacked cities and plundered kingdoms, they did not rule them. Dany had no wish to reduce King’s Landing to a blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts. She had supped enough on tears. I want to make my kingdom beautiful, to fill it with fat men and pretty maids and laughing children. I want my people to smile when they see me ride by, the way Viserys said they smiled for my father. But before she could do that she must conquer. (…)

How could she hope to overthrow such men? When Khal Drogo had lived, men trembled and made him gifts to stay his wrath. If they did not, he took their cities, wealth and wives and all. But his khalasar had been vast, while hers was meager. Her people had followed her across the red waste as she chased her comet, and would follow her across the poison water too, but they would not be enough. Even her dragons might not be enough. Viserys had believed that the realm would rise for its rightful king… but Viserys had been a fool, and fools believe in foolish things.

Her doubts made her shiver. (…) As the handmaids toweled her dry and wrapped her in a sandsilk robe, Dany’s thoughts went to the three who had sought her out in the City of Bones. The Bleeding Star led me to Qarth for a purpose. Here I will find what I need, if I have the strength to take what is offered, and the wisdom to avoid the traps and snares. If the gods mean for me to conquer, they will provide, they will send me a sign, and if not… if not…”

A Clash of Kings, Daenerys II

When I first read this I was intrigued because (as far as I remembered on the spot) this is one of the first time Dany explicitly:

states her goal as the future ruler of the Seven Kingdoms (which no other contender to the throne has done yet - of course the thing is we have a pov for her and not for the others but still)

acknowledges what getting to the Iron Throne could (and, as a consequence, what she is willing to do to get there)

gives her reasoning as to why she thinks she should sit on it in the first place

I had some things I wanted to make note of about these three points, I’ll put them under a read more because I tend to ramble a lot. (Please keep in mind that I have not read further than ACoK Dany III so everything I’ll say is strictly based on what I’ve read so far).

So as to point 1, she says she wants her kingdom to be beautiful (since she’s clearly fascinated with Qarth I think she means for it to be prosperous and thriving), with fat men = people who are not starving (might be cause she just risked that in her last chapter), pretty maids (??? she has an aesthetic I guess) and laughing children = kids who are raised happily (unlike herself) and in good conditions. And she wants to be loved by her people, like she thinks her father was (probably not true, but Viserys wasn’t the most trustworthy guy around). So: a flourishing kingdom where the people have enough to eat and the innocents are safe and happy. Which is great on paper but also a pretty idealistic and somewhat childish vision, and I think it comes across especially because of the terms she uses to describe it (fat, pretty, beautiful); this makes a lot of sense to me since she is fourteen and (despite some very adult-like experience she had to endure) very much still a kid.

The most interesting though is point 2: she seems aware that the Dothraki way of raising funds is based on “sacking cities and plundering kingdoms” and she says she doesn’t want to reduce the Seven Kingdoms to a “blackened ruin full of unquiet ghosts”. But a couple of lines later, after thinking of how she would want a beautiful and peaceful kingdom where people loved her, she thinks: “But before she could do that she must conquer.” Then, in the next paragraph, she thinks of how Drogo’s support would help her in defeating her political enemies now (she mentions Robert, Ned, Tywin and Jaime): “When Khal Drogo had lived, men trembled and made him gifts to stay his wrath. If they did not, he took their cities, wealth and wives and all. But his khalasar had been vast, while hers was meager”.

So when I first read it I was like: this is the most Machiavellian* thing I’ve ever read, meaning that it’s a very “the end justify the means” type of mindset (*not using the term in a negative way btw). And she seems to lament not having Drogo to help her (which, in her own words, would mean conquering cities, stealing wealth, abusing women). But I was also a little confused because back in AGoT, even though she clearly accepted the support of the Dothraki and the idea of what they would do to help her cause (pillaging and raping and so on), when she was actually confronted with the reality of it she actually acted to stop it, putting herself in somewhat of a politically dangerous position, because she was defying the “rights” of the Dothraki warriors. So she actively used her influence over Drogo to save the girls from raping, despite being told by Ser Jorah (who can choke), her servants and bodyguards that she was offending Drogo’s men, going against their culture, dishonoring them and so on. Now, she was clearly too late and she doesn’t realize that before she stepped in to defend these women, they had already been raped multiple time and lost their families and homes because of a Dothraki attack that was initiated to help her get to the Iron Throne (which is what Mirri Maz Duur then tells her, but Dany doesn’t register because she is traumatized by the miscarriage and Drogo’s state and she quickly focuses on Mirri Maz Duur “betrayal”, by default refusing to properly listen to her point). She then burns Mirri alive and never (as far as I remember) reconsiders her opinion on her, maintaining that she was a traitor who killed Drogo and her child even though Dany tried to help her escape rape. Dany is very much in the wrong here, but I do think this is heavily influenced by 1) the trauma she has just gone through and also 2) her young age. The fact that when faced with the consequences of the attack on innocents she would act to protect them, but then she would fail to see that that is very much the type of support she had accepted from Drogo, reminds me of how some kids don’t have a proper grasp on real life consequences, so they end up doing stupid stuff because they can’t see the problematic aspect in the abstract concept but then when faced with the reality of their behaviour they might actually correct their actions (of course, in this world “stupid stuff” is like “allowing people to get murdered or assaulted” but we gotta work with what we’ve got I guess). In Dany’s case (until now at least) I see it as a sign of immaturity rather than straight up ruthlessness, as it is for Tywin or Bailon (adults who clearly know exactly what they are allowing, but accept it without blinking an eye) or even (big sigh) Theon who in this moment in the story is leading a type of attack on the Stony Shore which is comparable to a Dothraki one, and while Theon is also very young and does indulge in a lot fo self-denial, he doesn’t really do anything to help or stop people being murdered or women being raped (sigh again). Anyway, I’m intrigued to see if/how she will develop her thoughts on this issue.

So about point 3, I read that quote and immediately thought about Dany and Stannis being the only two IT contenders who ground their claim on both birth right (they descend from the only two dynasties that sat on the Iron Throne, although to be fair the Baratheon one was pretty short in comparison) and religion, with the significant difference that while Stannis seems to be strategically using the religion of R’hllor as a political mean to strengthen his claim (without really believing in any of it), Dany actually believes she has been sent on a mission by the gods:

The Bleeding Star led me to Qarth for a purpose. Here I will find what I need, if I have the strength to take what is offered, and the wisdom to avoid the traps and snares. If the gods mean for me to conquer, they will provide, they will send me a sign, and if not... if not...”

This probably comes from what she has experienced so far: on one hand, she believes Targaryens are the rightful rulers of Westeros (something Viserys drilled into her brain since she was a toddler) and, on the other, she has done the impossible and given birth to dragons, magical creatures who were believed to be long dead. What is also really interesting, though, is that she is not entirely sure of it, she has doubts and even admits the possibility of being wrong (if not... if not...). And furthermore, in ACoK Dany III we actually get another little bit:

“Yet even crowned, I am a beggar still, Dany thought. I have become the most splendid beggar in the world, but a beggar all the same. She hated it, as her brother must have. All those years of running from city to city one step ahead of the Usurper’s knives, pleading for help from archons and princes and magisters, buying our food with flattery. He must have known how they mocked him. Small wonder he turned so angry and bitter. In the end it had driven him mad. It will do the same to me if I let it. Part of her would have liked nothing more than to lead her people back to Vaes Tolorro, and make the dead city bloom. No, that is defeat. I have something Viserys never had. I have the dragons. The dragons are all the difference.”

A Clash of Kings, Daenerys III

I was surprised to read that she actually seems to prefer the idea of getting back to Vaes Tolorro, with her little following, and abandon the IT quest for good. But then she gets “back on track” thinking “no that is defeat” and that her dragons are gonna make possible for her something that was never possible for Viserys, of whom she has at this point a pretty realistic idea (btw, she calls him mad!!! I feel it’s pretty relevant). This almost feels like she feels obligated to set forth for Westeros because it’s her duty to do so as the last Targaryen who was gifted with real dragons by the gods (which also makes sense with the fact that in the previous paragraph she thinks that the weight of the crown she was gifted made her neck ache), as if she wouldn’t necessarily want it herself and would be content to keep living with her khalasar in a place she could make flourish. Don’t know if that’s like a thing, but it’s a vibe that I never got from the show, so I thought I would make a note of it for the future cause I tend to forget stuff a lot.

In conclusion, the good thing is that even if the Qarth plot is still kinda boring, at least it’s giving me some food for thought lol.

#oh god i had to check this for grammar and orthography like a thousand times i feel like i'm giving birth #the silver lining is that now i'm 80% sure of how necessarily is spelled #catch this being totally refuted in the next dany chapter #daenerys targaryen #acok daenerys iii #acok daenerys ii

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dxmedstudent · 5 years

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How weird would it be for a last year med student and a first year resident to date each other? We're "working" (English is not my first language, I can't find a better word) in the same ward so I'm scared it might be awkward... BTW so far nothing has happened, just some interesting staring at each other and looking away, him giving back a pen I lent him after 3 weeks (as soon as we happened to meet in a favorable moment), always greeting each other with a smile... Help??

(resident/student ask pt 2) I want to add that I'm not in the US, in my countries residents don't have power to decide whether you match or not (I've been googling and browsing reddit and this seems the main concern), bc it's a national test. My main doubt is: what about professionalism? What would our colleagues say? Is it worth it? Hey, friend,The main issues here are:1. does the more senior party have responsibility over the junior; are they in a position of trust? If the system sets this person up to be in a signficant position of power over you, or as an authority to you, then it’d be problematic from a power balance point of view, whilst you were working together. This would especially be a problem if they were much more senior. But people rotate; if they aren’t working with you any more and don’t have any responsibility for you, then they are just another person who works in the same field, and they don’t necessarily have the same kind of power differential. 2. Is age a factor? Most of the time, someone in the year above isn’t much older.When I was a med student, I didn’t feel that FY1s were off limits; they were only in the year above us at university, after all! At least under our system, it still feels like someone who isn’t far removed from your level; at least, that’s how I felt as a finalist, though I never got involved with anyone like that. Many of my friends socialised or dated people in the years above. I they were a lot older than you, it might give a very different power differential. Personally, it has rarely been an option for me at work because many of my peers of my seniority were younger than me by a few years (because of my previous degree), and people more my age were usually much more senior in medical terms. A registrar might be the same age as a med student, but so far apart in terms of seniority it’d feel plain weird to date through work. Most reasonable people aren’t looking for people who are much more junior than them; they want somoene who feels like an equal. And those that run after their juniors may be more... sleazy. I’d definitely be wary of anyone more senior than maybe SHOs dating FY1s, let alone med students. That’s not to say you can’t happen to have a relationship with someone who happens to be more senior, but that relationship might feel more equal if it was formed outside of work. 3. You’ve touched on conflicts of interest. They would need to make sure that they didn’t use their position as your date (or even friend) in order to give you unfair advantages as a colleague. That’s on them, but I think it’s good that you’ve thought about the kind of position it would hypothetically put both of you in. 4. I don’t recommend dealing with people who are married or in relationships. It gets messy and people will find it hard to believe they won’t be cheated on at a later date in exactly the way their relationship started. I’ve seen people do this and it has a high potential for pain and drama. 5. Lots of people date at work; this is not usually seen as taboo unless there’s a big power/age difference or infidelity involved. Lots of doctors and nurse and healthare rofessionals end up with colleagues; hey, we spend most of our time at work! Personally, I think that can be risky; if it doesn’t work out, it’s harder if you’re still stuck in the same hospital awkward. Also, everyone in the hospital mght be in your business; colleagues usually find out and people love gossip. But people soon move on; after all, there’s always more gossip for the mill. Would I recommend doing anything ‘casual’ with work colleagues? No unless the idea of everyone knowing your business and having to deal with them afterwards doesn‘t bother you. Some people seem to work their way through colleagues with abandon, and it must be nice to not be bothered by such considerations! A lot of things can influence how bothered we feel by what other people think; culture and gender and sexuality especially. It might be easy for most men to sleep around whereas the expectations on, for example, a South Asian woman from a more strict background might be a lot more restrictive and might influence how other people view her behaviour as well as how se views other people’s responses. I would probably have risked it if I really liked somoene and we got on really well and became good friends, because it’d feel worth the risk, but I would be cautious unless I really felt it was worth it. But I’m not really a hookup kind of person (no judgement, I’m just quite shy so I need to get to know people), so casual isn’t in my personal repertoire. Ultimately, I decided to date outside of work, but that doesn’t help your question. The important thing here is that right now, it’s a lovely fantasy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You have time to see what happens, and if things feel ‘right’ to you. Most importantly, you can take your time to work out if they want something and if they are a genuine, kind, thoughtful person who respects you as an equal rather than going after someone slightly more junior because they think that’s an easy way to get what they want. If you don’t feel comfortable or respected, look after yourself and don’t get involved with anything that makes you feel it isn’t right. And even if they were more senior, or it was inappropriate in any other way, there’s nothing wrong with having a crush and enjoying that feeling. You’re human! I’ve had a few work crushes that led to absolutely nothing (isn’t that always the way?) but the act of having a crush is in itself entertaining and diverting for a while, and even if it’s a bit bittersweet, it’s not the end of the world. You don’t have to act on it, after all, if you think it would be better not to.I wonder what the rest of medblr would think?

#dxdates #dx dates #love #askdx #ask dx #long post #just how long is long anyway #Anonymous

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sparkycanteven · 6 years

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In defense of Cassarian/Variandra/Vassandra

Okay tumblr anons, you asked for it.

Yeah, I ship it.

Is it problematic? No. I will tell you why.

1.) Obviously, it's not canon and will never be.

2.) In spite of what you anons THINK, none of us Cassarian shippers actually ship Cassarian/Variandra/Vassadra AT THEIR CANON AGES!!!!

3.) ACCORDING TO THE CREATORS OF TANGLED, BESIDES RAPUNZEL, NO ONE ELSE HAS A CANON AGE!!!

There was ONE BOOK that barely mentioned Varian’s age but the books are not considered part of the show’s canon so I take that information with a grain of salt.

Also, in every Cassarian fanwork I have seen (or created for that matter), VARIAN IS OLDER! It’s usually post-series (where he would be of legal age) or AU where he is the same age range as everyone else. In my entire time in the fandom I have YET to come across ANY problematic works that would advocate anything less than a healthy, adult relationship!

So I don’t honestly know where all this hate is coming from. In fact, I think it’s rather ludicrous for anyone to be triggered by Varian’s harmless crush on Cassandra when obviously the show isn’t going to go in that direction. I mean, people, this isn’t Once Upon A Time, this is a show created for 7 year olds that is animated. CALM YOUR TITS!!!

But I think the shipping side of the fandom has been affected by the Mrs. Flanders phenomenon. “Oh, won’t someone please think of the children???”

No one here has any interest in harming any minors in any shape, form, or fashion. We are simply adult cartoon enthusiasts who happen to like a certain ship.

But while we’re talking about THE CHILDRUN:

- I’d like to see a few of you who are so triggered sit through an episode of Kodocha, the anime. Not the Japanese version but the english dub. In it, a young girl who is 10 refers to her agent/manager as HER PIMP. She has a very unhealthy, sexual crush on him and in the episode where he finally explains why they cannot be together, the final scene has them SITTING IN HER BEDROOM ALONE TOGETHER. Go pick on that fandom and see how many people laugh you out of existence! Oh btw, said Agent/Manager stays all the way through the series, is not put on a bus to hell or gotten rid of in any way because that’s one thing that anime culture realizes that Western Cartoon Culture has yet to hit upon...

- KIDS DEVELOP CRUSHES!!! They are not cheerful baby robots that wait until they’re 18 to pine after someone! Some are even problematic! Did you ever develop a crush on a teacher? Or an older siblings friend? Or a celebrity that had no idea you existed? Did certain people think it was cute? Okay... was it their problem that you had the crush in the first place? No? OKAY THEN.

- And there are some of us who never headcanoned Varian at 14 anyway. Like me, I never once thought he was 14, I thought he was 21 and just short for his age because during that time if there were famines and you didn’t get enough to eat, guess what, your growth got stunted!!!

- Also, it was a different time. Think about it, back in the time period that this is set in, 14 and 15 year olds were regularly married off all the time. Granted they were usually girls married off to much older men, but young boys would definitely start LOOKING back in those days. EDUCATE YOURSELF!!

But honesly, if you want my take on it, I think some people just like being triggered. They just LIKE finding problems with otherwise harmless things because they don’t agree. I personally hate eggs, but do I go to breakfast buffets wearing a sandwich sign that says “NO CHICKEN ABORSHUNS!”? No. Because that would be pointless. Just like your little anon opinion.

Good day.

#cassarian

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bi-rezi · 5 years

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I got into thinspo type shit when I was about 14, about the same time I read wintergirls by laurie halse anderson. (dont read that book, btw.) I was the skinniest I've ever been, largely bc that was also before the doctors were able to nail down a diagnosis for my ulcerative colitis, let alone treatment. I counted calories, I wrote down everything I ate, the whole thing. and then I got my diagnosis and had the realization that with the colitis, I could actually die of malnutrition if I didnt eat. so I did what I do best and forced it all to the back of my mind. I threw away my calorie journal and stopped looking at thinspo and pushed any thoughts of the yellow bubbles of fat under my skin (thanks ms anderson) as far to the back of my mind as I could and tried to eat like a real person again.

and it mostly worked, even though I was still insecure about my body. I didnt think about the phrase "emptystrong" (thanks ms anderson) for ages. I gained weight, broke 100lbs again and filled out some. started actually growing breasts and hips, as one does during puberty.

then I went on prednisone. then I stayed on prednisone for about 5 continuous months. at one point I was taking 60mg a day. if you're not familiar with prednisone, it's a corticosteroid that people arent generally prescribed for longer than 2 weeks because the side effects (weight gain, fat collecting in odd places, depression, increased appetite, acne, etc) are so numerous and problematic. it wouldn't've happened if we hadn't been in the process of switching insurance and therefore switching doctors, but it did. to be honest I could sue, if we could afford to do that kind of thing.

I was probably around 120 when i started on the prednisone. by the time I got off it, I was probably about 180, and I didnt stop slowly gaining weight until just recently, 4 whole years later. not to mention that I was always hungry, no matter how much I ate. my face blew up like a balloon - prednisone moon face is why I look the way I do - and I got horrible, horrible acne. and, of course, it really fucked with my preexisting depression, not to mention the stress of being a 15 year old girl and having your whole entire appearance ruined.

I never quite got back into thinspo proper, but I didnt need to when now almost any model or actress was sure to be so much skinnier than me that it had the same effect. I wasnt the only fat person in my friend group, nor was I the biggest or heaviest, but i felt like the ugliest and I probably was. i felt 100% unlovable, like anything else about me was overshadowed by how horrible I looked. any self-esteem I'd previously had was just gone. I got into some pretty harmful depressive habits.

the first time I opened up about the prednisone to someone who both hadn't been there while it was happening and who had been on prednisone themself was when I was 16. I was in Scotland, I was flirting with the idea of being nonbinary, and I was with an all-girls choir. but they were all kind to me, and friendly enough to even consider some of them friends. a couple of us were chronically ill, so I talked about my colitis and the prednisone. one of the girls had been on it before and she was shocked to hear that I'd been on it so long. she didnt say it, but I bet she was thinking something along the lines of "no wonder you look like that."

(I actually came out as nonbinary for the first time on that trip. I skyped my girlfriend at the time and told her, and the next day I told the entire choir, all at once.)

any self esteem I have now, any positive thing i think about my body or my face, i had to build from the ground up. i have fought tooth and nail against my depression and my anxiety and everything else going on in my brain to get to where I am today wrt positivity. sometimes it still feels like fighting to feel good about myself. sometimes I lose and just feel like shit all day.

it helps to actually look around at the real people you know. your mom, your grandma, your teachers, your friends - maybe one or two of them looks like a thinspo model but the rest of them look much more... normal. because it is normal to carry fat on your body - you are not grotesque, you are not a whale of a person, you are not beyond saving or loving.

another thing that's been helping has been working on my relationship to food. I still struggle with what feels like the basics - just eating enough. often, between my various mental problems and my physical health, I don't have the spoons to make healthy food, and money is also an issue with that type of thing. I would just... not eat, because I couldn't make anything and I couldn't afford anything healthy. but the thing is that the rules are different when you still struggle to make 3 meals a day happen. getting any food into your body, no matter what it is, is a LOT better than not having any food in your body. I couldn't afford healthy premade food, but I could afford shitty food. it was hot, and it was filling, and it was better than an empty stomach and I'll never regret eating mcdonalds when I couldn't cook for myself.

it is not easy. I still dont have a properly healthy relationship with food, or with my body image. I feel like shit a lot of the time, and I slip up and miss meals often. but I am doing better, and that is all I can ask for.

#txt #long post #disordered eating #personal

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