#but I am.... I am so pessimistic about the future

[rawliverandgoronspice]

The more time goes on, the more I think we (= westerners, especially white westerners) are just so fucking bad at guilt. I feel like guilt is among the most pernicious and dangerous emotions out there --not because guilt is literally deadly in isolation, it is an excruciating emotion but it will not kill you in itself, but because we have been trained to associate guilt with worthlessness (I partially blame christian values, the idea of impurity and sin --not to downplay, of course, the danger of a community judging you or being expelled from that community on the basis of being considered a danger to its other members due to the thing you've done that has been generating this guilt), and so we must, absolutely must, protect ourselves from simply feeling that guilt and processing its cold indifference washing over us, and we must do so through any means necessary. This can involve defensiveness, denial or reject of that guilt altogether so we are mentally protected from having to reevaluate ourselves and our place in the world, or can involve wallowing in and using it to self-harm --focusing on the pain and on self-hate rather than on what the guilt is telling us about ourselves and our heritage; blinding ourselves to it still in a twisted way.

I think it's also complicated to know how to manage guilt in a world where we're generally (as a whole) deeply powerless. It feels unfair to be called out about not doing enough when you know that pulling even mediocre heroics on your own will most definitively do almost nothing, hurt you, and be buried in a way that might be extremely unhelpul --not to mention, that it would actually hurt you in a very real and final way and lead to entirely thankless results, even if it was the morally correct thing to do. I do not want to pretend that it's not, very often, the results that awaits even serious and well-practiced activism --or even mild activism, major shoutout to everybody who got maimed or arrested or even killed on zero basis simply because they happened to be at or even near a protest, when they were not brutally attacked for no reason even outside of activism because an officer was racist or sexist or queerphobic or simply bored that day. There are genuinely good reasons to be scared.

So we feel guilt because of this fear, because of our isolation from any serious movement and the fact that we privilege our comfort over letting action taking over whatever else we have going on, and because fear and comfort knowingly keep us into inaction --or action that doesn't feel like enough, or that we feel doesn't achieve much of anything (which I think is never true: even giving someone a glimpse of hope for a second because we made an effort towards them is always always worth it in my opinion, it's not nothing and it's not a cop-out --of course it's not enough and we collectively need to find ways to do more, but it's not nothing and it should never discourage people from taking action --but I digress). But I think we start making a mistake when we point at this very real powerlessness as a shield from the guilt. Both can coexist. Both have to coexist. It isn't fair that some people are being forced to be courageous when we can afford to remain cowards. It is not even a moral judgement that condemn our souls forever, weakness is human and lack of individual reach against an overwhelmingly powerful and removed system even more so; it is a simple fact that we *have* to acknowledge if we want to take a clear look at the actual situation instead of camouflaging it behind self-justifying walls to give ourselves temporarily relief from that awful feeling. And I'm not saying it's not a constant effort, to keep those instincts of self-preservation at bay, or that some people don't have really good reasons that they cannot act more than through social media or miniscule donations or by talking about it around them, or being powerless to even do that without putting themselves into real and concrete danger --or that letting guilt in will be pleasant or even healing. It won't be. But it's also not the point.

Yeah, I get that it's hard to truly reckon with the fact that almost everything that made us (= westerners, especially white ones) is soaked with blood, imperialism, white supremacy, sexism, queerphobia, and a whole sweve of truly rancid ideologies that we cannot afford to passively accept as our lot. We were not given a choice in that legacy, and we don't have a ton of leverage over reorienting our haunted civilizations into something that isn't a horrible nightmare; but it is a fight that is happening right the fuck now.

I genuinely think guilt is a feeling we are not taught to handle in a healthy way; and because we have essentialist, pseudo-religious and punitive justice concepts terminally untangled with that feeling, guilt governs our politics and our private lives in the most rabid and unchecked way imaginable. But guilt will not kill us, unless we allow it to, and it will help literally nobody if it does. Guilt isn't evil in its soul-crushing pain as much as it is informative. Guilt is unbearable, unfliching clarity. But fever boils us alive because there is an infection that needs to be destroyed.

#thoughts #personal #not zelda #palestine #free palestine #guilt #cw self harm #(not graphic and really in passing) #sorry it's quite different than usual and it's a lot and I don't know if I'll agree with everything in five seconds #but I feel like we don't talk enough about the impact of guilt on our lives and psyches (and politics) #I am not great at guilt either (tho tbh I don't know many people who are) #but I'm trying to get better at simply... shutting up and Feeling It #I'm sure there's a way to face guilt that isn't destructive or self-pitying or generally useless #but I am.... I am so pessimistic about the future #not in a: let's all give up and cry but in a: we must fucking brace ourselves and look after one another #and put our foot in the sand right now because everything is unnacceptable and we need to acknowledge it much harder #if we let it fester it will only get uglier and uglier #and it doesn't mean we won't win or that hope isn't an absolutely essential component to it all #I am ultimately optimistic that there is an After to capitalism and imperialism and that brand of self-centered preservation and brutality #and this general oozing of toxic and unprocessed guilt #But #let's say that we'll all have to lead our own fights against it at some point #and I think that time should be right now #tl;dr imo there's no hope for justice and genuine resistance without facing guilt and resisting the urge to deny or fret against its ache #which doesn't have to equate with allowing guilt to rule us and use it as a tool of self-torment #anywayyyyy #saw a LOT of very weird reactions to the gaza genocide in my personal circles #some that really disappointed me even though they came from people I know to be better than this #so #yeah

[sandboxer]

we’ve so quickly gotten to a point where I’ve lost some of the awe I used to feel seeing great works of digital art. I’m possessed by skepticism, and while some level thereof is healthy, I miss when I could see art and trust it was made by a person or read an article and trust it contains, like, at least mostly facts

#between the tumblr and vice news today I am feeling so pessimistic about the future of the internet

[skyborneveggie]

.

#feeling so entirely disillusioned with life rn #the current ai situations is already shitty but the true ai wave hasn't even started yet. we have no idea whats coming but we are so fucked #at least a quarter of all the software job postings are for AI development now #if we're in capitalism hell rn then we're about to enter mega hell #i was only feeling a little depressed today after job searching but then #i went on youtube & was hit with the memory of what yt used to be before 2010 #& seeing all those slick & shiny hd seo-optimized yt thumbnails suddenly disgusted me #but ai is about to make the internet a whole lot worse #ai is about to make art a whole lot worse - and not just visual arts. ALL the arts #(sf ballet (aka. the most prestigious ballet company on the west coast & who plays to 3k+ ppl per night) has no fucking artistic solidarity #& designed all their commercial art for the nutcracker this past xmas using ai) #ai is about to make the job market a whole lot worse #i don't want to be a raging fear-mongering type of person but i am extremely pessimistic & depressed about the future #or the near future anyways. i'm hoping that once the consequences of unrestricted ai reveal themselves further #that legislators will finally start taking it seriously & start doing something to protect workers from it #but somehow i feel it will be too little too late #personal post

[notetaeker]

I am very much a drama queen except the drama is all in my head I don’t disturb anyone with it

#😔😔😔 #woe is me #man if I was in high school I wouldn’t written some depressing short story or poem by now #now I’m too optimistic #well it’s interesting #back then I was a pessimist but I had high hopes that working hard would free me #now I am an optimist but i think that whatever I have now is the best it will get so it possibly won’t get better so might as well not #*not be ambitious #it’s like. optimism toward the future and pessimism toward the present #and now that has flipped #Im optimistic about the present but pessimistic abt the future #💭.txt

[nephyria]

…this might be a result of Permanent Depression on my part, but I do not think refusing to feel despair or hopelessness is a requirement to be involved in any movement. obvs you need to figure out appropriate ways and places to express those fears, and broadcasting them to your allies and enemies alike Is Not It. but I think holding space to think of consequences of failure and a fear of that outcome is necessary; and also recognizing that even if everyone’s best efforts fail, and the worst happens, or you wind up standing completely alone, that Doing Nothing was completely unacceptable, no matter what.

#nepty talks #like! I am diagnosable insane! make no mistake! #maybe normal people assess a situation as Hopeless and just give up! #but I’ve been assessed as Hopeless and Unhelpable by normal ppl too tho so. I exist at the intersection of love and spite. #crazy pessimist who’s been right about the future for the last decade says: yeah it sucks! do it anyway tho

[astriiformes]

Could tell my brain was in a weird place when I got home from work today so I decided to head back out to run an errand/wander around listening to music for a bit and see if I could get out of my head and it arguably worked for the two or three hours I was out, until I got home and literally, immediately burst into tears.

#i just. i don't know what to do with this #i know i'm not great at coping mechanisms but also. the ones i have should hold up longer than two seconds when i give them a go #and i don't have that many things left to look forward to when i tell myself i just need to push through it #one more con with friends before school starts (which will be fun but i will probably also be such a downer and feel bad about it) #and like one or two tv shows i want to hang in there for episodes of #but that's..... pretty much it #and with school starting the stressors are just going to start piling on and it hardly feels worth it to push through anymore #because my chances of doing something fun & weird with my degree or trying to go to grad school or etc feel completely shot now #since i'm going to have to totally rearrange my future around [gestures] #so like. what's even the point in putting myself through more of something i struggle with anymore #it feels like the chances of actually getting anything i want (a job i like; a house; getting to travel; getting to do... anything) in life #are just. gone #and i was willing to put myself through a lot of miserable school/work/etc when i thought it would at least earn me good things but #what good things #i don't know. sorry for being a downer. i hate being this pessimistic #but also i keep bursting into tears over feeling like nothing i try to push through or do with myself is worth it anymore #and i am. very done

[cryolyst]

i have so much admiration for people who can love humanity despite all its ills. who see the inherent good of people when time and time again people commit acts of cruelty against one another. who actively choose to be kind and patient and understanding, not out of naivete, but because they see the potential for things to be better, and they're willing to add to the net amount of good in the world, to put in the work to contribute to that growth, to promote more kindness and patience and understanding.

#another vent post hehe *twirls hair* ^w^ #ive been feeling incredibly pessimistic recently and it's been a loop of 'pessimism is tiring i want to be full of love like i used to be' #and 'there's no way for me to be hopeful and loving exactly like i used to be because i have experienced things that changed who i am' #and 'i am miserable how i am now so i have to find a new way to be loving and hopeful or else im going to stay miserable' #and 'i can't seem to be hopeful and loving despite it all because my past experiences inform who i am now and how i feel about the future' #back and forth and back and forth with myself because i can't fix one of these things without it conflicting with another #yeah. haha. im really tired. im tempted to disappear from everyone i know. ^w^ ^w^ ^w^ #i want to learn to be one of these people but i don't know where to start and i can't imagine the energy and willpower it takes #i guess as it is with all skills i just need to build up to it slowly but truly every ounce of me is going towards keeping myself afloat #they speak!

[liinos]

Sometimes I go a little crazy bc I just think I'm doomed to end up alone 🤪

#dont like the idea of dating apps and im just as shy about texting people idk as i am about talking to them dont go out bc i have #0 interest in it and honestly the thought alone makes me uncomfortable and even if i did again i Cannot talk to people dont even have a job #where i could meet someone (tho i do actually want to be employed so. who knows) and again the crippling shyness will kill me + even if i #was social i dont think anyone would ever find me pretty or be interested in me so 😭😭 a dark future #and like you can call me pessimistic but also i have been on this earth for 23 years and its not like ive been sequestered away #and prior to college i was shy but i was more outgoing in hs bc i Knew people and guys only ever liked my friends not me 😭😭 #and eventually no one ever liking you does take its toll on you sorry to say or not even liking but no one thinking youre pretty #or anything like that... i in passing mentioned to my sister that it was implied that i was the ugly friend and she was like thats so mean #but like it was also true so i couldnt even be mad about it 😭 maybe i shoot to high bc like i also have eyes and i tend to like dudes who #i would consider to be out of my league but i look pretty guys and i cant settle on that sorry </3 😭 #anyway going crazy anyone need anything <3 need to have the bimonthly vent about the way my life is devoid of even a hint of romance #and also how i dont like a damn thing about how i look so i dont blame other people for not liking it either 😭 self esteem is nonexistent

[banalthoughts]

weird how someone can go from being a repository for all your hopes for the future to a man who just does not like you

#& the shipwreck of all your hopes #look. i know. eggs and baskets etc. but i am getting on in years and i am *very weird* i really doubt i have many more chances #so the fact that i ruined this is... sad #sadder than it would be for most people or even most people my age #doesn't help that i continually have 250% the emotions most people have about rejection of any kind #i know i am being pessimistic #i could be wrong! #but i imagine if i am that'll be something that happens mid-2023 or in 2024 #or something that works out slowly with a friend or potential friend #like meeting someone else i liked in the same way soon just seems... vv unlikely #i hope i'm wrong #but will i be? #also i get that pinning all your hopes on someone is a little objectifying at least #i did like him as a person #but the hope of any kind of friendship is dashed too #am sure he has a happy & bright future ahead of him that is much deserved #my future is much much less clear #and much more likely to be a repeat of my life so far #which is not bad just... not what i want/ed

[redwineandtarot]

Who is your future spouse?

hi! today's pac is about your fs. these are general messages about them. take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. i would love to hear your feedbacks <3

decks used: ethereal visions illuminated tarot deck, the spirit animal oracle deck, moonology oracle cards, the soul's journey lesson cards

note: i am not talking about gender when i say feminine or masculine energies. masculine and feminine energies are just energies. anyone can have feminine or masculine energies regardless of their gender.

🥀paid readings🥀

Disclaimer:My readings do NOT replace any professional advice. Use your own judgment while making decisions. You have your own free will. Take everything I say light-heartedly. All of my readings are for ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES.

pick a pile

pile 1-2-3

i do not own these pictures

pile 1

I see that your fs is someone ambitious and ready to fight for what they believe in. They have high hopes for themselves. They can sometimes be a bit too argumentative but mostly I am seeing this as defending what they hold near their fire (i was gonna say heart but i felt like saying fire). They can even fight their closest ones to defend their beliefs. They’ve got a lot of passion. They can see the beauty in things. They mostly have a masculine energy.

I see that while they are mostly in their masculine energy, they still can bring out their feminine energy and be very nurturing. They also have their gentle side inside them. Especially towards the people and things they love. They may have big eyes or very prominent eyes in some way. They may have experienced a big event while they were 18 that still affects them in some way.

They have a lot of gratitude for the things they have achieved so far. They have this balanced energy: while they have this fiery spirit, they can remain calm in situations that they need to stay calm. Again they see the beauty in things and are grateful for having the life they have. They are more on the optimistic side. 

from their higher self to you

Pile 1, are you more of a pessimistic person? Your fs is saying you need to release this pessimistic way of looking at life. Lol they are now saying it's okay if you don't, when they meet you they will help look on the bright side of things. But if you start now it’s mostly for your benefit, they say.

random things: clean and chic, suits

10th house, cancer, mercury

songs: charmer - stray kids (they are a charmer for sure lol), good thing - zedd, kehlani

pile 2

Pile 2, while i was shuffling the cards were going crazy! They may be in a chaotic situation right now. Like having a tower moment in some sort of.

They are on their head a lot. They worry a lot. Maybe it’s just their energy right now and not in general but I am seeing them, like, scattered(?). Like I said, even getting cards for them was hard and it was just chaotic. They have a stubborn energy. They are a go-getter. They are slow at making decisions but once they do it's hard for people to make them turn back. Even when it's better for them to turn back. They are a logical person for sure. And this can be for their detriment sometimes. They may suffer from some kind of mental illness, especially anxiety.

They are curious and independent.  Like they are so careful(?)  about their independence. This might make them seem like they are “not-available��� to people. They probably had to learn to be this way in their childhood. They have a cold demeanor but inside they want to open their heart for that special someone. Please be loving to them pile 2, they are a softie inside. You might help them learn to appreciate their long lost softer side.

They might feel lonely even though they have lots of people that love them. I also see that they have an international friend group. Idk if they are always like this but especially right now they feel lonely. They are going through some tough things so probably that's why their energy is also showing up like this. Like they have lost themselves? They try to stand up again pile 2 and sure they will.

They've got a lot to say but feel like they can't share it with anyone. Like they didn't want me to go and tried to keep me with them.

from their higher self to you

It was again hard to get a card. I guess they didn't want you to see them at their worst. 

Their message for you is… Pile 2 they are so sweet, they are encouraging you to go after your dreams. They are like “I am in this way but l don't want this to affect pile 2, they are meant to shine”. They see you as their moon and want you to be confident in your dreams, they believe in you <3

dark aesthetic, dark hair, ginger hair

8th house, scorpio, venus

songs: into it - chase atlantic, i’ll dream of you again - harry connick, jr.

pile 3

Similar to pile 2’s fs, they are going through something right now. But their energy is a lot lighter? Like they have spilled some cups but they have gotten over it. They are already restarting and thinking about what comes next. I think in general they are like this: they overcome hardships fastly. Like they grieve over it, they let them feel their emotions and then they start to look at what's ahead again. It’s random but they may have a powerful(?) family in some sort of way. The scale would be different for everyone but it might be money, respect etc. I also see that they have balanced feminine-masculine energies.

They are attractive physically. Like a lot. When they enter a room, all eyes are on them. They might also have leo placements. But they know their worth. That’s probably why they overcome hardships so fast. And that’s also the reason why they are so determined. Their heart is open, they are emotionally intelligent. And they might have strong intuition in some sort of way.

People envy them a lot. They seem like they have everything together? Like their family is powerful, they know their worth etc. People might gossip about them a lot. So be careful pile 3, there may be false rumors about them. People might think they may have had it easy but it is not true. They also have had their hardships. They appreciate different cultures and different points of views.

from their higher self to you

“You are good enough like the way you are. While change is good, love, you must appreciate the way you are right now.” “I find you physically and emotionally so attractive. You are beautiful my love.” “Don’t hide yourself from me.” They admire your energy a lot, pile 3! They insist on saying that they appreciate you the way you are.

6th house, sagittarius, venus

songs: stand still - sabrina claudio, i wanna be yours - arctic monkeys

#pac #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a card #tarot reading #tarot #fs reading #future spouse reading #future spouse

[cameronspecial]

Let Me Think About It, Angel

Pairing: Frat!Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: N/A

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.4K

Summary: Y/N is a realist and realizes not everything can last forever, asking Rafe a question helps give her some reassurance.

A/N: Inspired by this post.

Masterlist

Thinking about the future is something Y/N often does. When she is as in love with Rafe as she is, it is kinda a no-brainer. Although she can definitely see herself marrying the man in front of her, there is a side of her that can be pessimistic. It tells her she may get her beautiful wedding, but it doesn’t mean their story gets a happy ending. After all, a wedding isn’t the end of a book, it’s just the start of a new chapter. “If we were to get a divorce, what are three things you would bring with you?” Y/N randomly asks, looking up from her phone to Rafe, who is working on his car. He wipes his hands on the oil-ridden rag and approaches his girlfriend on the lawn chair, “What are you talking about, Angel? We aren’t married yet.” She shrugs. “It’s a hypothetical, Rafe. Pretend that we are, what would you take?” she urges. Rafe sighs, throwing his rag on the grass, “When we are married that would never happen, but let me think about it, Angel.” Her nails play a melody against her phone case and she observes patiently as he seriously thinks about the answer. She isn’t at all offended that he is considering the possibility of their divorce. She put him up to it after all.

He steps forward, clearing his throat and getting her out of the chair so he can sit with her on his lap. “The three things I would take are our kids.” She wants to object to question why he wouldn’t want her to see their kids, except she can see he isn’t finished. “Then Tabitha. Of course, if she hasn’t passed on yet. And the last thing I would take with me in our divorce would be you.” Y/N chuckles with a shake of her head, “That’s not exactly how a divorce works, Rafe.” “Angel, when I put a ring on this finger,” he begins, holding up her left ring finger. “It isn’t coming off unless you are washing your hands or going to sleep. You are mine and I am yours, forever and always. If you don’t know that already, then you are going to have to learn.” The words board on toxic, yet anyone who knows Rafe knows it is how he shows his passion. Whether others understand that or not, Y/N comprehends his words have no threat or danger behind them and her opinion is all that matters. It is a display of his possessiveness and his devotion to her. “Damn, Rafe, I didn’t know you could be so possessive,” she teases. He looks her dead in the eyes, “You are the only thing I want in this world, Angel. And I would be a fool not to do everything I can to stay by your side.” She seals his statement with a smile and a kiss on his lips.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @wickedlovely121 @thepatriarchykeychain @drewsmusee @starkowswife @maybankslover @forstarkey @loving-and-dreaming

#let me angel #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks #rafe cameron imagine #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks imagine #outer banks x reader #rafe fic #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe cameron series #rafe x reader #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron outer banks #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x you #rafe #outerbanks #outer banks fic #outer banks rafe #obx #obx fic #obx fanfiction #obx imagine #obx fanfic

[set-wingedwarrior]

I wasn't sure about writing this post.

Even right now, as I am writing, I still don't know if I will actually post this or just add it to my drafts as nothing more than a personal vent. Regardless, I guess that if I am here I just need to talk about this.

So let's talk.

The way the FNDM has been acting all defeated all month long has really grown to annoy me, and I am tired.

RWBY's future is unsure right now, and all this uncertainty is painful. My feelings are all over the place, swinging from terror and sadness to hope, all the time. I constantly check Kerry's and RWBY's Twitter page in hope to find any kind of news.

I can't give you a certain answer because, again, this is all uncertain. But that also means that there's still hope.

My point is, acting as if we have already lost isn't going to help anyone. Not RWBY, not CRWBY, and not ourselves, the fans who love this show so dearly.

I don't know what is going to happen, but I know that I refuse to stand around and do nothing. It's why I keep checking for news, why I am playing the show both on rooster teeth and crunchyroll all the time for views (I think that on CR I already replayed the whole series at least twice). It's why I am spamming tags, and being loud about my love, and looking and sharing all RWBY and CRWBY posts to give engagement, why I am watching every rwby_vt live on twitch.

I want to know what is going to happen more than anything, not knowing is killing me, but at same time I am terrified of the answer. Despite that, and despite my feelings swinging all around, I am still choosing to have hope.

Hope is a conscious choice, and a brave one. Because I know that being pessimistic is easier, it avoids setting us up for disappointment... but if we rob ourselves of the chance that things could turn out alright then all we're doing is decrease the chance that it will happen, and just anticipate our pain and disappointment.

As Yang said, no hope means we have already lost, and that's not the case. CRWBY, Kerry, is working really hard to save RWBY. Acting defeated already isn't just a disservice to us, but to them specifically and to everything they are currently doing. It's like telling them that it's all useless, that they've already lost, and I find that insulting. I refuse to. They deserve to see that we care and believe in them.

RWBY is THE show about hope. Shouldn't we follow the example?

#rwby #save rwby #save crwby #greenlight volume 10 #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #kerry shawcross

[tteokdoroki]

✩࿐TRACK 03: WAR WITH HEAVEN. izuku midoriya (2K)

about. upon spending time apart from your pro-hero fwb, deku, for a work trip — he quickly realises he wants it all with you. heaven, hell and life on earth.

warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! suggestive, sfw, slight angst, fluff, happy ending, sneaky links, long distance relationships, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sex, friends with benefits to lovers, journalist + fem!reader, pro hero!deku.

things to note. another saturday is upon us and so is another instalment!! i really like this one n can’t believe we’re half way through already !! anyways i hope you enjoy <3 - masterlist / series masterlist / series playlist ✩

whether you believe it or not, izuku midoriya has never been hopelessly in love. 

like most people with an overexposure to romance saturated media — the number one hero has always had that nagging feeling, craving for something more. the person to come home to, the partner, the kids and the dog that chews through the white picket fence or makes a mess on the freshly cut lawn. he wants a family like most individuals. but with a schedule as busy and a lifestyle as reckless as his…there’s hardly any time for izuku’s dreams. 

dreams were for losers, anyways. 

after high school, izuku quickly learned that dreaming wasn’t enough to get by even if it had motivated him to become a hero. reality is harsh and full of hard truths — bearing the responsibility of future number one and being all might’s prodigy had taught him that. so his rose tinted view of the future he had planned for himself quickly collapsed, the stain glass window shattering above him while its shards nicked at izuku’s youthful, hopeful skin.

he wasn’t so pure and good after leaving U.A — at least not in front of the public. behind closed doors izuku was a pessimist. he was sly and maybe a little sleazy, always on the prowl for something or someone to toy with. little deku was all grown up, no longer baby-faced and bright eyed but instead buffer with an unfairly tiny waist and an angular sharpness to his jaw that could cut diamonds. 

he was attractive and he knew it — his new found confidence bled into his sex appeal and sky rocketed his popularity and now…the number one controls the whole of Japan in the palm of his hand. everybody wants a taste of the new and improved izuku midoriya. 

everyone including you. 

mindless hookups, despite being easy stress relief, always left izuku with a sour taste in his mouth. conservations with the elite that happened to stumble into his bed never went further than superficial talk and the odd ‘lets do this again sometime’s. he hated how people would change around him, clinging onto him after a night in the sheets like deku owed them a piece of his soul. 

being the number one was no longer enough for hungry mouths. sex no longer satisfied those in his circle. 

that was until he met you. the first time deku encountered you (at a hero press junket), you had been a shy intern journalist forced to follow around her mentor with an extreme lust for the green haired hero. he felt bad for you, you were obviously there to learn and do your job but the senior professional they’d stuck you with couldn’t help but slobber all over him instead of teaching you. 

half-way through the junket, izuku had managed to sneak away from the pestering paparazzi to get a moment to himself — and it seemed, you’d had similar ideas. his initial assessment of your character was way off too. you were quiet, sure, but observant and snarky as well. a realist just like him. and somehow, you’d managed to convince him to leave to conference; get drinks at a secret roof top bar for only the highest members of japanese hero society, and talk and talk for hours about everything and anything. from quirks to the best snack combinations at the only kombini open past three AM on your street.

izuku liked you, he hadn’t felt such a spark for someone since his rookie days. you were cute, he couldn’t stop looking at your eyes and how they sparkles. your lips when you sipped the drinks he ordered for you and the way you instinctively leaned up to deku just to hear what he was saying. 

the way you ended up in his bed that night was no mystery to either of you. 

except the sensual and sultry night you shared together didn’t end there — at every event, every occasion, where journalists were required to be present, you found yourselves gravitating towards one another. one moment you’d be sharing bedroom eyes with one another from across the room and the next deku would have you bent over in bathroom stalls, his hushed moans in your ear and his fingers deep in your mouth to keep you quiet.  

months went by and the sex didn’t stop, neither of you wanted it to. you made izuku feel a little bit whole again, you made him feel good and made him laugh all in the same breath. he didn’t just like it when you left your claim on his neck bordering the line of keeping your rendezvous a secret and letting the whole world find out — but he liked it when you stayed over and wore his shirts around his luxury apartment. or came to hang out with him at his private gym with a bag of cheat-day take-out katsudon and an earful of gossip from your office. 

deku really liked you, more than he should’ve for a girl who was meant to be just a fling, more than he should’ve for someone who didn’t have time in his day for a lover.

“did you get over me?” the hero pouts into the FaceTime call, watching you struggle to grab your luggage off of the conveyer belt in baggage claim. if he were there, he’d have gotten it for you by now.

despite not being anything serious to one another, izuku had made it a habit to weasel his way into your everyday life. you sent cute little good morning and goodnight texts to one another, along with other messages like ‘get home safe’ and ‘have a good day’ too. those text messages quickly escalated to phone calls once the green haired number one admitted to you that it’s hard to fight crime whilst looking for the right kao emoji to send you.

you roll your eyes, coy smile budding on the edges of your lips. “it’s only been two hours, izuku.” you say, finally managing to grab your bag before you head out to the main lobby of the airport.

one thing about that man, is that he’s clingy as fuck. all of your attention has to be on him or he’ll feel like he might die. with you being away for the weekend at a journalism conference instead of in his arms, izuku feels like he might burn the whole world down from the ground up. just to be near you.

either that or he’s just extremely pussy whipped. 

“streets are sayin’ you might sleep with that guy from your team while you’re there, is that true?” deku fires back, running a scarred hand through the mass of curls atop his head. he lets it run down to smooth over his face, peach fuzz starting to grow through — but you made him promise not to shave until the day after you got back. apparently his light stubble against your inner thighs made you cum so much—

“—i don’t even like him like that, you big baby,” you tell him matter of factly, cutting through his train of thought and bringing your phone up to your face once more to let emerald eyes peek down your sweater. “and i think he’d get the hint if he saw all these damn marks on my neck.” 

pink blooms underneath the freckles on midoriya’s cheeks at the sight of the purple hues decorating your neck and shoulders. he remembers the extra turtlenecks you had to pack because of it. “couldn’t help it, i needed to give you a reminder of what you’d be missing while you were away from me.” 

“you’re so dramatic, deku.” 

“oh, you wound me, angel.” he purrs into the mic with a sly grin, knowing that he’s affecting you just as much as he misses you. especially when you give him a pointed glare. izuku let’s the conversation wither out as you order yourself an uber that’ll take you the hotel. he can’t help but chuckle when you perk up and notice the amount of money he’s sent you to cover the costs of it. “yanno…” deku mumbles, resting his cheeks on his knuckles. “you’re like heaven away from hell to me.” 

you won’t admit how sexy he looks, even if izuku is all googly-eyed and soft for you. even if his forest green locks curl over his pretty eyes and hide them. it almost pisses you off. that he’s so blissfully unaware of how fucking pretty he is and how that mere fact manages to ruin you you even though you’re miles apart. “what’s hell, then?”

“my work. this city. this apartment, without you.” he says smoothly, filling your stomach with butterflies. izuku has a away about him that makes you feel like you’re his entire world and only his — but there’s never been any strings attached, you’ll never fully be his and he’ll very much be the nation’s hero (and dick) until someone manages to tie him down. 

“are you asking me to move in with you, izuku?” there’s no expectancy in your voice — you say it mostly as a joke because you have no idea how much the number one pines for you. how tonight, he’ll drink himself into a stupor with his friends and whine to them about how much he misses you. izuku may have changed on the outside, may be stronger and faster but he’s still that insecure teenager on the inside. 

he has to force his knees to stop knocking whenever you’re around. he finds himself swallowing the lump in his throat whenever he thinks about the possibility of you being with someone who isn’t you. he feels sick to the stomach and panics at the thought of losing you. you mess with deku’s head in the worst of ways and yet he finds himself wanting more. nevertheless, he smiles, loving how his name sounds on the sweet glaze of your lips. 

“you’ve got a place in my bed. you’re always here anyways.” 

“you’d never let me leave it, if you had a say in the matter.” 

“you’d never have to work again if you let the number one hero take care of you angel.” izuku sighs longingly, giving you his cutest pair of puppy dog eyes that never fail to make you swoon. “but you love your job.” 

“i do.” your uber pulls up and you reply curtly so you can properly greet your driver. they aid you with your suitcase and you slip your headphones on while in the back seat to keep your special conversation private. 

“do you love me?” he can’t help but ask. izuku is hopelessly enamoured by you, you’re like a virus that’s spread across his brain and controls his every thought or action. he needs you like his lungs need oxygen to breathe — you’ve changed him for the better, shown him that maybe he can have both work and luxury. a family and foundation. with you, if you’d want him. 

“izuku.” you warn, but playfully.

“so it’s true,” the hero drawls across the line in faux disappoint  though his eyes speak mischief. “you only like me for my cock ‘n my money.” you can practically hear the pout on his pretty plump lips. 

a fondness takes over you and you can’t help but squirm happily. “and your pretty boy smile,” you squeal cutely, filling midoriya with the same amount of fondness “don’t forget.”

“so you do love me.” 

“i can’t answer that until you ask what you want to ask me properly.” 

“alright then,” sitting up, deku grasps at his phone between shaky fingers and holds it above his head — giving you the perfect view of his freckled and scared (and chiselled) body. he chews on the swell of his lower lip, dancing around the question he knows he wants to ask. “angel. i want you. more than just a fling. i want you to be mine.” he blurts, closing his eyes so that his thoughts come easy and he can’t see you reject him.

midoriya doesn’t know what he would do if he lost you, he’s seen what losing your love has done to his friends. kirishima and his partner had almost broken up with each other recently. he’d be a mess in that situation.  izuku has faced too many hardships in his life, his career, to let this one good thing slip from between his fingers. 

“will you? be mine?”

he sees you poke your tongue into your cheek, laughing as you pretend to think. “i will, izuku. i want nothing more,” you coo. “keep my side of the bed warm. i’ll be home soon.” 

relief floods through deku’s body. “don’t be too long, gorgeous.” with a couple of blow kisses, he lets you go with the reminder to call him back once you’re settled in at the hotel (so he can pay for your room service). it’s only when you’re alone again that izuku realises he’d rip stars from the sky to be with you, pull the heavens right down to earth to be by your side.

you’re everything to izuku, and for you, he’d go to war with heaven. 

꒰ end. — all rights reserved © tteokdoroki 2023. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

#deku x reader #deku fluff #deku smut #deku x you #deku imagine #deku drabble #deku thirst #izuku midoriya x reader #bnha x reader #bnha imagines #bnha fluff #bnha x you #izuku midoriya x you #izuku midoriya fluff #izuku midoriya smut #mha x you #mha x reader #mha smut #✧ ₊˚੭ — writing #tteokdoroki #angelshubnetwork

[infiniteko]

You are the only person so far who seems to know what you’re talking and is well studied so I decided to sent this ask for you. It will have a little venting, but nothing too extreme or long also if you don’t mind I’d rather speak in a not non duality way because I wouldn’t know how to formulate my sentences without giving power to the physical world in a sense, and I’m not exactly looking for enlightenment in non dualism it’s just a question about this whole thing that has been going on on tumblr and other communities about manifestation and non dualism.

I’ve been on this journey of manifestation, law of assumption, non duality etc etc for a year now and the main thing that kept popping up in my head was “is this concept true?”

The concept that I’m talking about is: “we are the creators of our reality”

Honestly, this journey has brought me a lot of suffer because I’m a natural overthinker, skeptical, a tad pessimistic and extremely self judging. So I would often feel dumb and stupid for believing I could actually change my WHOLE life and manifest things that would be seem as actually absurd and impossible.

This experience of seeing so many times people saying “we are limitless” or “everything is malleable” “you can get anything you want” has dragged me into this rabbit whole of full peace of mind and hope and then being totally ripped apart by negativity, pessimism and skepticism.

I’m honestly tired and I really, really, really need to get out of it, so you are my hope of weather I should continue my journey to get a better life or finally have a closure on this whole world of manifestation, shifting realities etc

Is it really possible? I’m asking this with my whole heart and soul. It is possible to experience this reality shiftings, changes of physical appearance, revise past and all that?

I really need to put an end on my suffering and move on with my life and I rather know the final answer now instead of wasting my life on things that won’t happen and just end up more frustrated in the future.

Can we change our 3D world (I know you said there’s no separation, but as I said I can’t speak in a non duality way I’m sorry) or we just have to accept we can only control to a certain point?

Is it true that if I’m not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won’t? That no matter how hard I try I could never “attract” a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?

I’m sorry if this ask is heavy or if my words were harsh somehow. I don’t want to put a responsibility on your shoulder, I just really need to find peace and I need a final answer.

Thank you!

Here's the thing Anon: No one can help you but yourself. As harsh as it sounds, IT is what IT is, i'm not sugarcoating anything, it's a bit long and wordy so read carefully.👁️📿

In tibet we have these sayings:

1. ཝ་གསུང་ཞོད་དུ་གཅིག་སྤྱོད་དུ། "You can offer a handful of grass to the cow, but you can't force it to graze."

2. མཐུད་སུམ་བསྡུས་ཀྱི་སེང་གེ་མ་དམ་ཅོ། "You can present the scriptures, but you can't enlighten the mind."

Even though i tag my stuff with "#nondualism" and a lot of people associate me with it, i don't follow any concept in particular. I only point you into the direction of "THAT". What you do with it, is your choice. You said you've been on a "journey" with lots of concepts like LoA, Manifestation, ND. Ask yourself, what exactly has been keeping you from actually turning within into silence instead of gathering one concept after another? Who decides that something is "impossible" and "absurd" like you said? I know you already told me that you'll talk in concepts but i still have to ask, are the limitations you have set for yourself REALLY fundamentally a thing? Do they exist if you aren't aware of such limitations?

Emptiness

NO concept is true, untrue or real. No words are true, untrue or real. I could tell you "no, Non Dualism or "AWARENESS" is not true. You can't change your life" but that's going to have a negative impact on you, wouldn't it? Why is that so? Those words don't prove anything to you. They are just words.

EVERY word is empty by nature, we give meaning to them. If i told you "བདག དངབ བསམ ངས་ཡང་ཡིན་གསལ" could you do anything with that sentence? No, because that sentence has no meaning to you.. you don't speak the language. Whatever I said, is meaningless to you. But if I translated it in english, you would be able to understand because you speak english and give it meaning (-> what was once meaningless and empty, now has an illusory meaning given by you). Got it?

What I'm trying to say is that it is important to understand that words have no meaning whatsoever BY NATURE and because they are meaningless BY NATURE, we can tell you whatever we want to, it is up to you alone what you're going to do with that. Does that make any sense to you? I hope i got my point across on how we give meanings to every empty word.

We do the same thing with different situations.

A stormy day can be the worst day ever for you but for someone else, it's the best thing ever.

If someone told me my content is trash, i do not care. If someone told 18 year old Koda her content is trash, i would've wasted a thought or two on that statement. If Dechen (my boyfriend, co-admin) read that we're spreading lies he would've written an essay telling that person to shut up & move along 2 years ago, but now he'd ignore it because he couldn't care any less. Now, everything is meaningless for everyone. I can decide if I want to be affected by those words, or not. If i told you "Everything's a lie" , what are you going to do then? Are you going to abandon everything just because I, someone you find "reliable", said so? If that's what you would do, why? What made you attach so much importance to a random "person"?

Is it true?

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

"Is it true that [...]"

Who are you asking? Me? Why? Do you want it to be true or untrue? Since all words are meaningless and empty by nature, is there a difference between the words "true and untrue" or is it the same "Emptiness"? You alone make your decisions. I can point you towards "IT" but 'you' are the one who's going to recognize "IT" or not. I have nothing to do with that descision.

Read whatever you want to. Practise whatever you want to or don't. At the end of the day, you alone give meaning to the meaningless. You can define emptiness but that doesn't change its Nature which is "emptiness", "nothingness" whatever-ness.

Definitions

"I'm an overthinker, skeptical and pessimistic."

What made you come to that conclusion? In order to answer that, i assume you have to think and list all moments in which you were overthinking, skeptical and pessimistic but are you able to answer that question without thinking? If you aren't thinking, WHAT or WHO are you? Are those thoughts you define yourself by, real in any way or are you just aware of different behaviors and define them as "overthinking, skepticism, pessimism" after thinking about it? Could you define yourself for me, without thinking? Try it.👀

Enlightenment?

You said you are not "looking for enlightenment" from ND , what exactly are you looking for then? Only a "person" can get enlightened, but there is no actual "person" here. What is, is. All concepts only POINT you to one direction -> "IT". Some, like advaita vedanta, are more direct than many limited & watered down versions of ND people now call "Law of Consciousness or Law of Assumption "with extra steps" on tumblr or twitter. In my humble and illusory opinion, it is nonsense but does it matter?👁️

The non-existent "I"

"Is it true that if I'm not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won't? That no matter how hard I try I could never "attract" a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?" -> define and show me the "i" you keep talking about. Do it without thinking. If you ponder on it long enough on a deep level, you will instantly answer your own Questions and the "i" you are talking about. Define and show me your doubts without thinking. There is no person to believe in anything, no person that is actually doubting, no person that is actually here.

「You can mold clay into a pot but that doesn't change the fact that it is clay and will always be clay」

#advaita vedanta #awareness #nondualism #nonduality #nothingness #enlightenment #void #brahman

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Who will be your future love? 😍

A fun reading to see who will be your future love. This reading is mainly for the singles but I really won't judge lmao. The definition of future love in this reading is the lover you will likely to be with for a long period of time, like at least a year.

We will explore some characteristics of your future love, and see if there is any suggestions to clear some obstacles in your way of love. Also, if you don't like what you see, you can always work on changing it, as nothing is set in stone for your future.

As this is a general reading, please just take what resonates and leave the rest behind. Hope this reading can provide you guidance for a fulfilling relationship.

👇🏻 Pick a heart you felt drawn to👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

Your future love will appear in a time that you feel lost, and cannot find a focus to pour your energy into. This will be a time that you don't feel like you're doing anything at all, even though you believe you're trying really hard, or feeling extremely frustrated as you feel that you have no choice but to make no move in life.

Your future love is a person who is innovative and inspiring. They will bring you ideas, or inspire you to come up with ideas that you've never thought of before. Their appearance will bring significant help with your situation. Not only they can bring you new solutions to your situation that you feel so lost in, they are also very willing to take care of you even when you're not in your best shape. They will be there to listen to your frustrations, tolerate your bad temper, and will try their very best to bring back the happier, healthier version of you.

They are also perfectly fine with you not making any progress at all. They just love the way you are, and will never push you to make progress if you're not comfortable with. Some lovers may be in a relationship with the intention of getting financial support or some boost in their social status. Your future lover is the total opposite of this. They really just love you for who you are.

Although they are very willing to help you get out of your struggles, you have to have the mindset to be willing to get out of the struggles. It seems that they are a bit pessimistic, like they have a sad boy/girl/person vibe. So if you let yourself become a complete mess, they will probably be too scared to reach you. Even if they are willing to be with you, things just won't work out if two of you are both sad af. Also, I feel that if you let yourself lose all the motivation to get out of your struggle, the universe will make sure that you find your spirit first, before letting a person to come into your life to help you out.

It's not that you have to be 100% happy in order to meet your future love, it's really about having the will to move forward. It is very normal to feel bad when in shitty situations. It's more devastating when you don't see any methods to solve the problems in that moment. However, what matters is you have the hope for a solution, and have the determination to put in the work when a possible situation is presented to you. The universe will provide you with the resources you need to move on, which includes your future love. But you can't just wish for someone to save you and not doing anything but wishing.

Pile 2

I am very sorry to say this but it seems that you're not attracting the best partner for you with your energy right now. So this reading will probably be a warning for you and to provide you guidance on how to attract better people in your life.

I can see that you are having a very pessimistic view on true love, or just love in general for now. However, you have an urge to prove yourself wrong, or to pour your love into someone else, and you want it to happen real quick.

You will have an opportunity to meet a person that you can pour your love and energy into, but it doesn't seem that they're worth it. First, it seems that they are not loyal, and are constantly comparing you with other options they have in love. This also makes them to not be patient with you. You may have the potential to stick with them for a long period of time. However, from what I see, it will basically be a waste of time, as they will never be able to give you the commitment you want, since they're constantly looking for better person.

Second, they have toxic aggressive traits, especially when you are attracted to masculine people. It seems that they love to see people struggling and be sad, including you. So, they will sad really mean things to make you feel really bad about yourself. For some of them, they will even spread rumors about you to your social circles, so they can enjoy some drama. Some of them may not be that sadistic and may be rude due to them having a very low self esteem. But it's still not nice to have someone who will keep you down.

Also, they often make impulsive, poor decisions, but will be really mad if you don't tolerate their behaviour. Actually they don't even like it when you have opinions on their actions. They may also have violence tendencies so you should really not consider them to be your partner at all.

(Extra notes: they may be in your workplace so watch out for sus people)

Sorry for bringing up so much bad news. Now it's time to give you some advice to improve your future. Nothing is set in stone so you can always make your future better.

First, you have to really take the time to develop your sense of self. It seems that you are too reliant on others to provide you value. For example, you may think that you are only desirable if you have a romantic partner. However, such mindset makes you really vulnerable to being manipulated by toxic people. You have to work on believing that you are desirable, attractive and have high value even when you're alone. Your value comes from yourself, not from others. You have to believe that even when no one appreciates your ideas, talents, etc., they still have value. The right person that can truly appreciate you for who you are will appear in your life in the future. However, if you never appreciate yourself, no one will do it for you, and that person will never come too.

Second, you have to be patient in love. The right person may take time to find you, but they will eventually find you. You don't have to wish for them 24/7 for them to come. Instead, you should take time to improve yourself, so you will be well prepared when they finally enter your life. Please feel more comfortable in putting your energy into yourself, because the right one won't blame you for that. If you meet someone that's mad because you're working on yourself instead of giving them attention 24/7, then they're NOT the right person. They're an energy vampire that you will want to get rid of.

(From this song, I feel that the person I am describing may be your ex. If this is your case, it means that you still not over your ex. Your energy is still stuck in the past. You really have to work on moving forward, or you will be stuck in the cycle and keep meeting bad person again, and again, until the lesson is learned ☹️😞 Take time in working on yourself, instead of looking for a new person to get over your ex.)

Pile 3

Omg pile 3 your future lover is dominant af. They give me the vibe of daddy fr. (They don't have to be masculine tho.) If a dominating person is what you want in your life, then congratulations pile 3, because they're coming in full force omg.

You will most likely meet them when you cut ties with a group of friends, which is probably not good for you at all. You feel so relieved, and so confident after doing so. You feel like a winner in life and then you meet your future love, which makes you win harder 🔥🔥💯

I feel that they really treat you as THE ONE in their life. Their goal in this relationship is to marry you. If you're not into marriage, they still want them to be your last lover, vice versa.

They just want to love you and hold you in the palm of their hands. They will try their best to make sure that you will never escape them. They will try their best to provide you answers to all your questions. They will probably also work their ass off to provide you with financial stability, so you will never have to work a day ever again. I get the vibe that they really want to keep you and love you like a pet (a kitty to be specific 😭). They will even try their best on bed, so the passion will forever be there, and you will feel like the first day of love everyday. 😭 I can really see that they will literally do anything for you. The only bad thing is that they're obviously obsessive. Their love may be suffocating, so you may want to communicate with them if they're making you really uncomfortable.

There will be no secret between you two in this relationship. If you have any confusion about them, they will try to make things crystal clear for you. I can really see the minds of you two merge into one, in a good way. Also, I feel that your future love will be very attractive, charismatic, and if you're attracted to masculine, they will be really handsome and hot too. I can feel that they're really good in bed too. So energetic, and passionate. It's like they will never be tired of you. 😭😭 Man you really be winning 😭💯👍🏻🔥

#pick a card #tarot reading #love tarot reading #Spotify

[hiramaris]

Kiss It Off Me

CHAPTER 1

Summary:

A story revolving around the newly arrived resident farmer in the eyes of the personified perfection, the sunflower of Pelican Town herself, Haley. Or. When Haley finally met the person that caused ripples in what was once a stagnant town, and she didn’t know how to handle such massive change.

Pairings: Haley x Fem!farmer

Notes:

Haley's heart events are just soooo wifey, especially after marriage. Her character development is well written off but I just can't help but notice that something is missing, like the heart events are just not that connected in some way. Stardew is an absolute gem don't get me wrong. I'd like to try and connect what I think is missing which is the reason this fic is created. P.S. Second try in making fanfiction. I apologize for any future grammatical errors or whatever. English is not my primary language.

Disclaimer:  I do not own Stardew Valley or any of the related characters. Stardew Valley is created by and owned by ConcernedApe. This fanfiction is intended for entertainment only. I am not making any profit from this story. All rights of the original Stardew Valley story belong to ConcernedApe.

Warning: None so far? Just Haley being her usual self

Gif from reddit.com

Winter 25

Immobile.

Stagnant.

Bland.

What words could possibly do justice to describe this sleepy town? Pelican Town had its charms sure. It’s peaceful, the air is fresh, and would never choke you on your sleep plus it gives a really nice tan so Haley wouldn’t really complain. 

But it was just so... boring. Was that the right term?

The people are meh, nosy, and just as bland but they are good neighbors though don't get her wrong. They look after them— her and Emily when their parents can’t. 

Ugh.

Them again. Thinking about them just makes her angry— blood boiling and all that, and well… sad which is infuriating.

How can you just leave your kids just to go follow your own dreams and travel? And then act like you care just by sending some half-hearted letter? Sending a letter now and then was hardly enough to make up for their absence. How low could that be?

Emily doesn’t think so. But what does she know? Her cooking was as bland as the town, and her obsession with crystals and hippie clothes was just plain ridiculous. She knows nothing. 

Her sister is anything but pessimistic. She saw the light in everything whereas Haley ever saw them through the lens of her camera.

Capturing a single moment in a photograph was a thousand times more vivid and alive than the bleak and colorless reality she was currently living in.

She should be in college right now, pursuing her dreams, being the center of attention, and having boys falling over themselves to impress her. Or she would have been running her own photography studio by now in a city that never sleeps, schmoozing with some famous photographers and carving a niche for herself in the cut-throat world of photography.

But no, because here she was, stuck in a six-mile drive from the nearest city, life as directionless as the people in here.

Why am I even staying here? She wonders.

Oh, yeah— grandma.

This house is hers. Her house is the only thing that made her feel that Grandma is still here, with them. Even though Haley is talking big about leaving this town, she knew to herself that she doesn’t have the strength to just leave it just like that. Which is why they both tried to keep it tidy and well... avoiding it from falling apart.

Aside from that, there was nothing to do here. The only things keeping her sane were her camera, her phone, and the clothes she ordered online.

Oh, and of course, her best friend, Alex.

He's the only one— aside from Emily and of course, the Mullner residence, Granny and George are good people even though George is grumpy all the time,  that she's able to have a decent conversation. She and Alex are, after all, not the sharpest tool in the shed, and shares almost the same brain cell.

He’s that typical jock boy, ripped as hell but in terms of brain, well… meh. Not like Haley's any better so who is she to judge?

They went to the same school, belonged to the same clique, and were both popular, of course. He’s here to practice his grid ball or whatever but Haley knew better.

Alex, despite being the dungus that he is, has a lot on his plate already. He needs the peace this town could offer.

And maybe, maybe I need it, too.

Maybe being away from the city has a good cause, despite her constant complaints, this town has been her home for the past six years after all.

But she just really couldn’t help but dwell on this stupid thought of hers of being stagnant and directionless at this time of the year.

Winter.

Ugh. It’s stupidly cold outside and there’s no way she’s walking in six-inch snow just to get a quality photo, which isn’t much considering the lighting outside does not satisfy her at all. The only, and probably one good thing about winter is peppermint coffee. It's hot, minty, and makes her feel warm while making her mouth worthy of being sucked on— err... that's a want that cannot be sated as of the moment.

The bachelors in this town suck for real. They are not even worthy of a single glance. Apart from Alex, of course, but he's a friend so... no.

And what's made it double suck is that she ran out of peppermint coffee. Pierre is out of stock and there's no way she'll let herself be caught alive inside that creep manager's store that runs Joja or whatever. 

Now she's stuck sitting at the table, devouring a massive pink cake that could feed an entire family, enduring a coffee so bland it makes her want to try and drink tea.

She hates tea.

Oh yeah, she's also holding a note and a sunflower in her other hand. 

She doesn't want to read the letter but considering the gifts she just received, it’s probably just the same lame-ass apology about being unable to be here on her birthday this coming Spring 14th. Not that it mattered anymore; it had been two years of absence, and she had grown used to it by now.

With a flick of her wrist, she tossed the note onto the table, debating whether to toss it into the fireplace or tear it to shreds or whatever.

If it's just another excuse, she doesn’t want to hear it.

"Haaaay!" And there's a familiar voice. 

"If you don't have peppermint coffee with you I swear to Yoba—"

"What's the case, long face?" He quipped. "And no, I don't have anything with me."

She looked up from her cake, finding Alex strolling in their kitchen with one of his shit-eating grins, hair covered with a concerning amount of snow. She grimaced, "sometimes I wonder why I'm friends with you."

He feigned a hurt expression, "I thought you love me though."

"According to gossip, maybe but really, I don't." She deadpanned. 

He cackled at the mention of that. At the center of the gossip mill passing down from Marnie, Jodi, and Caroline, maybe Robin, too, and probably all the yoga club, is he and Haley dating. Which was absurd, to be honest.

"No, really, Hay." He finally turns serious. "What's up? What's got your face looking like that?" 

"It's just the stupid climate." Haley tried to lie. She didn't want to stir up drama at the moment. Alex frowned, catching up with her lie almost immediately. He caught sight of the letter Haley threw earlier. "Alex don't—"

Too late. He already got it. He sat down next to her as he read the contents of the note, his brows furrowing in what she assumes is annoyance. "Parents, huh? Same old, same old?" He raised an eyebrow.

Haley huffed and snatched the letter away. "Yes, the usual."

"Well," Alex propped his elbow on the backrest, a sly grin returning to his face. "I just got the perfect news that might take your mind off things."

Haley arched a perfect eyebrow, curious. Gossip wasn't his usual forte.

"Spill." 

"A new farmer is coming to town."

Haley's fork paused in mid-air. "Uh... I'm not sure how to react to that, and what's so great about it?"

His smile widened. "I heard she's from Zuzu City."

"I'm sorry, what?" 

"Why? Surprised another Zuzu native is coming here?"

"No, you dungus." She slapped his hand attempting to take a slice of her cake. "I heard you correctly, right? You said the farmer's a she? A girl is taking over that farm?"

"Yes," Alex confirmed, finally snagging a bite of cake. Haley makes a scrunched face in mock disgust. "The farmer's a she. What's the problem though?" He asked in mouthfuls.

Haley stood up to grab another spoon. No way she's getting his imaginary cooties. Alex doesn't seem to mind; it only further encourages him to eat some more. "Because it’s weird." She said as she sat down. "Farming isn't exactly a girl's job, especially for a city girl like her. I bet you she wouldn't last a month."

"Not all girls are like you, Hay— ow! What's that for?!" He rubbed his ribs where Haley just nudged with her boniest elbow of all time.

"As I was saying before being rudely interrupted," she rolled her eyes, "farming is all dirt and nasty, smelly clothes. That farm was barely run by old man Raileigh before he died. What could possibly a city girl like his granddaughter could do with that rundown farm? I bet you it’s already smoldering by now."

"Good point," Alex said as he continued eating. Haley swear to Yoba all this idiot does is eat and relax in here.

He has a diet, right? So does she, and they're like eating a fat block of sugar right now.

Whatever. Pink cake has always been an exemption from all her seasonal dietary plans.

"But I guess we'll have to wait and see; don't you think so?" Alex turns to her after a few moments of silence. "I heard she's around our age. If it's true that farming is as difficult as they say, the least we can do is make her feel welcomed."

Haley barely nods in acknowledgment. 

This town is like a pond, where everything that enters stays and everyone already there remains. The city is a raging storm with ocean waves ready to swallow you if you go against the flow. A lot of people there has a sense of direction, one Haley aspires to have, and what Pelican lacks. You can't, at all costs, be still and unmoved and some people just couldn't do that.

And those people who couldn't stand the pressure, come here, like a moth drawn to a flame, seeking the mundanity Pelican Town could offer them. Perhaps they have grown weary of the constant hustle and bustle. Maybe city life has been too much. Maybe modern life has been too much for this farmer.

Who knows?

But one thing Haley doesn't like, and what keeps her unmoved and still, is change. Adapting, and adjusting isn't meant for her. It took years before she could finally settle a lifestyle in this town, and another two years of adjustment when her parents decided it would be a good idea to abandon them and go travel. She knew where to go, where townspeople go just so she could avoid interacting with them, she accustomed herself to their culture, and the perfect spots for taking pictures. She has it all memorized and planned out perfectly.

And this farmer will be an anomaly to her perfectly (not as perfect as she thought) crafted routine. New face, a new attitude, and just an overall new person she might be obligated to talk to for the sake of introduction.

Pelican is a stagnant pond, yet this farmer, this alien to her world, she's not yet even here but she is already starting to cause ripples.

And Haley doesn't know what to think of it.

~~~~~

Next

Notes:

The title was inspired by Cigarettes After Sex' Kiss it off me. Their songs are such *chef's kiss* and whilst I was listening to this song, it kind of, sorta, reminded me of how my farmer sees her wife. Thus kabooOm this fic is born

Edit: Because I'm procrastinating and I made sure to finish off my other story first, I decided now to transfer this story from Ao3 to Tumblr

#stardew valley #stardew farmer #haley x farmer #haley x reader #stardew fanfic #stardew alex #stardew haley #sdv