#but i feel good

[alostlittleriverlotus]

anyway learned about deeply rooted trauma in me, that I have ASPD, and that I'm a system and that is all I'm saying because it is extremely personal and I am quite fragile and unstable.

My life makes a lot more sense now. Things I was always confused over and now I'm like "Ohhhhh, so that was just that. Right. Got it."

Been a lot better with my sh and suicide urges too since I now know how to rely on my system and alters.

Also learned I'm semiverbal and that I have just been forcing myself to be fully speaking for years cause of the expectations.

I'm learning a lot about myself, how I work, what has been hidden from me because of ableism and trauma, and so much more. I'm positive about my future though because I feel...so much better than I ever used to. I like that I have answers now even if I'm not allowed to know too much for the safety of our body. I feel like I can understand myself and my reactions and all of that a lot better.

Every day I'm learning and trying to understand myself. That makes me happy. That's my goal :3

#system #osdd system #aspd #actually antisocial #learning about myself #unmasking #semiverbal #semispeaking #actually disabled #actually autistic #actually borderline #actually traumatized #actually histrionic #disabled #actually narcissistic #npd #bpd #hpd #I'm a mess #but I feel good

[strayywayy]

guys if any of you wonder how i'm doing. I'm sorry but i'm dead this my soul writing because channie/ my daddy in the fanmeet with his muscles, long hair (the literal death of me), the showy and borderline sexy outfits with the man in it being sexierrrrr has killed me successfully. Chan if you're reading this respectfully, I neeeeeeeed you and you can step on me if you please. I'll be all yours happily even :)

#stray kids #bang chan x female reader #bangchan #skz #skz fanmeet #im mad i can't go #my salary says otherwise #i have been going insane #save me #random ranting is so not like me #look what you've done christopher #i'm dead #but I feel good #being in the presence of chan maybe better than heaven tho #sorry guys im being downright weird #guess not my fault #blame chan hehe

[kopivie]

god, i know people are sick of hearing me dwell on this, but i think i'm done.

i think... i'm content knowing that my writing touched people when it did. it was my best work considering the time at which it was written, and the best work for the headspace that i was in. i was just rereading an old spidey-kazuha fic that i wrote and i'm just thinking that yeah, i'm never gonna write like that again. not because i'm not good enough (although i am out of practice), but rather because my interests have since shifted, and i should spend my energy trying to figure out the best writing style for myself with these new interests in mind.

like, i've been wanting to circle back to basic character creation. the things i've been wanting to do lately have less to do with readers and more to do with original characters. it's simply because i haven't done that in a long time that i'm feeling so pent up and anxious and scared.

so... essentially, i need to come to terms with the fact that my kazuha era is over. not that i don't love him anymore — i will always be the self-proclaimed #1 Kazuha Lover — but rather, my time writing for him is done. the same likely goes for other genshin boys, because i employed the same strategies when writing for them as well.

now i'm more interested in...

...creating a splatoon oc team. being on a competitive team myself is making me think of viable team comps as well as fully original characters that fit within the lore of the splatoon universe. i already have one and a half characters (the octoling girl is under construction, heh) completed.

...making a jujutsu kaisen fic about the zen'in family centered around an original character related to megumi. because i have very strong opinions about the whole thing and my closest online friend is writing a fic of her own and she fully supports me, so why shouldn't i give it a shot, too?

all in all, i think i'm done being so scared of myself and my ideas simply because it's not what people expecr from me. at this point if you're following me, you get what you get and you don't get upset. i'll just be talking and rambling aaaand you kinda have to deal with it.

i contemplated deleting kazewhara and awlumii, but no. that's wrong to the people who continue to read my work (because i've checked and wow, people.. really do enjoy that stuff.) and wrong to myself. that's going to act as a point of growth for me.

sooo.. yeah. new era for cinna.

perhaps i'll change my layout, too.

#[ 🌱 — blah blah. ] #i'm gonna probably change my tags or something? #i dunno #but i feel good #because i wanna talk about these silly little characters without feeling forced or awkward

[hellsbroadcaster]

Being a good person doesn’t meant taking shit laying down btw.

Like I think just in general, people think staying quiet about how they’ve been treated to avoid ‘drama’ is the best solution and I’m telling you it’s not.

Absolutely be loud about it. Point it out. Confront them. How they react is out of your control but at least you said what you needed to say.

I’ve been shushed before. Someone who I thought was a friend really hurt me, betrayed me. It was like a slap in the face, and all because I was going through my own shit and didn’t have time to be there 100%.

And it sucked, how I kind of had to swallow my hurt. How a lot of my ‘friends’ knew it was shitty of them but because they didn’t wanna cause drama they didn’t say anything. No one did a god damn thing and it’s really something when you see an abuser get love and praise and be treated like they are this wonderful person when they aren’t.

And true, you can’t make everyone see it. I know they will eventually, and it’s not my job to point it out for everyone. And I won’t. But at that time? It absolutely hurt me, and I started to look at things differently. Look at people differently. And it left me shambles for a good while.

I would rant about it and people would ask me to stop. Or to tag it. Because they didn’t wanna see it. And that’s valid? But also? Why is it you can only accept me when I’m showing my good side? The side of me that’s put together and makes you laugh and keeps you entertained but when I’m hurting you want me to take it elsewhere.

Started making me look at ppl on here who only look at you like a number. I know we all are going through our own shit. I don’t expect ppl to drop everything and help me, I don’t expect ppl to care. If I vent it’s usually just for myself to let off steam and it helps . But yet, somehow there’s always someone that makes it about them.

Therapy has helped me a lot with creating boundaries. I realized a lot of the things that happened where my own fault due to, seeing the issues but not saying anything about them. And also how I make myself to readily available for people. I was there for that person for so much, even bought them food when they were hungry and couldn’t for themselves. I don’t regret it, I don’t regret caring or having a good heart. No natter what I never want to lose that side of me that gives a damn about people.

I do the things I do because I’ve been there. I offer a safe space , a fun space for you to be yourself . Because I know what it’s like to have to hide. Show ppl how to love themselves because I had to learn on my own. I am an empath, I feel everything and I sometimes go overboard because I don’t have the proper boundaries set up. But I’m much more aware now. Learning and trying to be more effective in my communication.

But it makes me sad when you do call out bad behavior and instead of people looking at themselves and saying ‘you know I’m sorry I did screw up, I’m going to do better’ they deny. They gaslight you. They bring up everything YOUVE done wrong to them instead of acknowledging what you’re bringing to their attention. Suddenly they are the victim and you’re the bully being aggressive because they can’t tell the difference between an aggressive tone and an assertive one.

And it sucks that you’ll deal with people who can’t see anything past their own pain. Cuz there is no dealing with that, that’s shit they gotta work on and unfortunately they gotta be willing to look at themselves in the mirror and start seeing the truth.

We all got flaws. I had to look myself in the mirror, and see a lot of things I didn’t like either. Things that needed changing. That’s maturing. Recognizing you’re not perfect, that you do fuck up, and being willing to accept and change it.

But a lot of ppl on here not ready for that. And the moment I’ve started my healing journey I’ve lost a lot of people who aren’t built like me. Whether it’s because I make them see things in themselves that they don’t like, or think they can’t ever be or what it’s not really my problem anymore.

I’ve been stagnant for so long, I want things out of my life and for the first time in my life despite setback after setback I feel like I finally start getting them. I can respect people who aren’t ready to heal, but I can’t stay in those situations anymore. I wish you luck on your own path, but I’m done putting myself on hold for others all the time.

You’re not wrong for wanting to hold people accountable. There are always limits of course. Say your piece and be done, don’t keep adding fuel to it. How they react remember is out of your hands but you did what you needed to do. People say closure is pointless and I say you obviously learned to just not act on your discomfort and just bottle it up and to me that’s sad.

Because we shouldn’t have to do that for the sake of someone’s comfort who had no regard for ours.

And I am confrontational. I’m a nice person but I will come to you with an issue if there is one. And there’s nothing wrong with that, one mistake doesn’t make you horrible. Makes you human. Changed behavior means you’re growing and learning. It’s not a bad thing and I wish tumblr would stop viewing this stuff as bad. Because it’s so important to be able to grow and it’s why so many people suck because no one is really trying to do that.

#we gotta be able to learn how to have difficult conversations without it seeming like an attack on your character #not everyone is about you not everything is that deep #if someone is taking the time to tell you how your actions or words made them feel? #just listen to them #because it’s not for nothing #sorry I JUST #I saw something on Twitter that really just #got me in my feels for a sec #it’s early in the morning and I’m awake #but I feel good #cuz this person used to stir up so many negative feelings but #it feels nice to talk about it and not feel weighed down anymore #⌜off the air⌟ . // ooc #tbd. #I’ll delete in a bit

[terrainofheartfelt]

Y’all it’s the last week of advent and the last week of work before vacation and today I:

baked & baked & baked (culinary)

& baked (weed)

Washed so many dishes (some more than once! see: baking)

Folded alllll the laundry and even did a whole load

Not to mention getting up early for the church gig

Also going full holiday indulgent and buying the 24 pack of Dr Pepper

#my feet hurt! #but I feel good #yes I did impulse buy the huuge pack of Dr Pepper and carry it the whole walk home #i just love it so much

[a-hackneyed-premise]

Who just wrote an ENTIRE SENTENCE for The Colour of Heartbreak, after having not even looked at it for about seven years?

This girl.

#tcoh #stuff i write #everlark #god is there anyone on this site that still cares about this fic? #who knows #and it might take another 7 years to write the next sentence #but i feel good

[squirrel-fund]

Picrew Post

Tagged by @ian-galagher to do these 2 picrews! Thank you, love!

[I'm checking my list twice... but it's not for Christmas... spoiler... it's my grocery list. I'm buying cake and making cookies 🍪]

[Pretending that's a xbox controller and a hot cocoa set]

Not tagging anyone cause I'm at least a day late and 12 carrots short... or whatever those cool kids say now 🙃

#picrew #crawling out from under my rock and hissing at the sun #but i feel good #things are good #hugs all around #q'd for your pleasure

[loki-hargreeves]

Tumblr is my porch and I am sipping my morning coffee as I’m watching the raging flames that are swallowing Twitter whole. Life is good.

#I have stayed up all night #again #but I feel good #I feel like a grandpa #and I still haven't written #love this writer's block #it's like I start writing and then my eyes stop focusing on the screen #either way I feel relaxed #it's fun because for once I'm not the one being a clown #I am in the audience :')

[suttttton]

Also, some good news: I think the antidepressants are working

#it may still be too early to tell #but i feel good #not as manic as i usually feel on my good days #which seems like a good sign

[gh-0-st-ly]

Nothing like a good pizza and some rum and coke after a 9 mile run.

#im so tired my dudes #but i feel good #marathon training

[dcviated]

asks...

I should send some

but whom to whom

#ooc :: post #just had that workout #belatedly #it kicked my ass #but I feel good

[wlwreader]

i escaped the beronica fandom and cami followed me to my new dash 🧍🏾

#the shock i felt seeing her #brought my ass straight back to 2017 😭 #…i should see how my old mutuals are doing….. #anyways i moved to texas and im getting shit sorted #but i feel good #kinda like a new person lol #and im grtting the urge to write again #im gonna try to get back into once my laptop comes #start small so my isabela madrigal fic i wanna write will not be written any time soon #like little ficlets #maybe i’ll go thru my notes app and post my little ficlets for beronica on here or somethin #anyways just a lil update for anyone curious #boo.txt

[fallenoutoflove]

Can confirm a man that doesn’t have Snapchat had eased all my crazy and overthinking,

#oddly enough #pmdd is here and I feel really secure in the place I’m in #still things to talk about #but I feel good #me #Justin S

[joanathedummy]

Big Mac combo, hold the onion, and Dr. Pepper and large fries

20 piece chicken nuggets with three containers of creamy ranch

Two double cheeseburgers with only mayo and cheese, one combo with large fries, no drink

Two cookies

M&M McFlury with all toppings, extra M&Ms

I wish diabetes wasn't real...

#i just deep cleaned the main building og my church #I'm starving and craving McDonald's #TW McDonald's #TW religious #but i feel good #Im doing the Lord's work

[letsgofoletsgo]

Today is Father’s Day. I went with mine on a walk in the Welsh countryside this morning, and it made my congestion feel better. I got him a pear cider and a card.

I’ve also had a tiny vodka and a IPA. I’m vibing

#/gen #I’m a little bit drunk pardon me #but I feel good #happy Father’s Day y’all #just something i wonder

[antlerlad]

happy tdov my loves. don't let anyone else define your transness for you.

help trans women evacuate gaza

#tdov #trans day of visibility #tdov 2024 #comic #nonbinary #i havent done a little comic in a while. feels good