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goldenbuckyyy · 1 year

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YOU’RE ALL I WANT

Summary: You and Harry finally reconnect.

Pairings: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Word Count: 5.7kish

Warnings: Over 3k of smut!! Oral (fem! & male!receiving), fingering, allure to squirting, raw sex, creampie, slight fem!reader!Dom/subrry vibes if you squint!! 🤏🏻

A/N: Hi!! Sorry this has taken so long! The holidays were very crazy and work has been… just as crazy as always! But she’s here and I hope you love her as much as I do.. because I love her!! I’m also going to be tagging anybody who mention needing part 2 since it’s been a while!! Also, this is probably the last part! Song title inspo: “You’re all I want” by Cigarettes After Sex

Divider is by @silkholland!! I love your divider so much! Thank you for allowing us to use them. 🫶🏻

All my mistakes are my own. Please do not repost or translate my fics on any other site nor this one.

I appreciate any likes, reblogs, messages, and interactions. Please message me your thoughts!!! It fuels me!

PART 1 || Main Masterlist

May 20th, 2022.

You tapped your fingers on your countertop as you watched the time slowly trickle by.

3:03PM.

Watching how slow the time was going felt almost agonizing.

You let out a groan as you felt as if time had never gone by any slower. You were still in your pajamas, sipping on your door dashed iced latte, stomach still full of your late morning breakfast, and you felt nervous. Nauseated, almost.

So nervous about seeing Harry tonight that you almost wanted to throw up. And you knew you didn’t have to feel this nervous, but it’s been almost a year that you haven’t seen him. It’s normal to feel this way. You can’t help it.

Harry’s album had already been out since midnight and you had to physically restrain yourself from listening to it. You wanted tonight to be the first night you listened to all of his new songs.

Either way, you knew they were going to be amazing.

You had also already chosen your outfit for the night. Which surprisingly had taken you so long to put together.

Simply because you wanted to look your absolute best tonight.

You searched throughout Twitter for concert inspiration and for any ideas that would help you. You knew fashion. You worked in fashion. You had your own famous fashion line and you still had no idea what to wear to this concert.

You’ve been to plenty of his concerts before. You even remember the outfits you wore to one direction concerts and it secretly made you cringe. Flashbacks of textured shorts and frail crop tops fill your mind.

But now.. now you wanted to surprise him and feel good. It’s been way too long since you had seen Harry's face and you missed him.

So, you did what you do best and you made your own outfit.

You ended up making a black jumpsuit with an amazing sequin fabric which covered every inch of it. It was long enough to pair with your favorite platform heeled boots that were comfy enough to be standing a long period of time in. You made the top of the jumpsuit have a cross neck fixture with a triangle opening right underneath your sternum and you made the back to match.

Now, it was just time for the clock to strike five for you to start to get ready.

So, here you are. Fiddling with your phone to try and pass the time faster.

You hop off the stool and move to your private sunroom in your penthouse that overlooks the river. You bask in the sun on your skin and wonder how tonight will go.

Hopefully everything goes well and Harry’s only expression when he sees you is happiness.

You can only hope.

You tug on your oversized silk blazer as you walk down the backstage hallway of MSG with Jeff by your side.

“Harry might shit himself when he sees you,” Jeff says to you with wild eyes and a loud laugh as you try and match his fast pace down the hall.

You let out your own nervous one as you fix your hair for the millionth time as you follow him.

“Don’t worry. I just might, too.”

You weren’t lying. You genuinely felt sick to your stomach. You had decided to wait until you knew that Harry would already be almost going on to text Jeff that you were waiting at the back entrance for him. Just so he wouldn’t be able to tell Harry you were here.

“The concert already started, but don’t freak. It just started,” Jeff says casually as you start to see the flashing lights from behind the curtain.

You still for a second right before you pass the curtain to let out a shaky breath. Reminding yourself to calm down. That it’s only Harry.

Jeff’s hands are suddenly touching your shoulders and he’s giving you a reassuring smile.

“Don’t be nervous. He’s going to be happy to see you. Trust me.”

You nod quickly and your senses are suddenly filled with loud screams. Thousands and thousands of people screaming for Harry. For your Harry and it makes your heart warm.

You follow Jeff to the side of the main stage behind a barricade, but in perfect view of Harry. And your eyes start to water as soon as you see him.

He’s wearing an adorable white shirt that’s lined with red hearts, black leather figure hugging pants, red sneakers, and a big chunky yellow necklace.

You cover your mouth to hold in your own cry, quickly shaking off the nerves as you settle into the spot next to Jeff, and you zone out as you admire Harry in his zone.

The way the music completely takes over his body and his actions. The way you can tell he lets the music get into his bones by the way he lets it take over and how he dances. The way he lets himself be free in a room filled with people that love him. People that you know he loves. His fans. His wonderful, amazing, love filled fans.

The way he smiles, laughs, and giggles so hard his dimples end up showing. And how he looks so freaking happy it makes you want to burst into tears.

You can easily tell this is his favorite thing to do. Just by looking at him. He’s the type of person that you can just watch and admire because everything he does leaves you in awe.

And that’s exactly how you feel.

Then, at the right moment when he’s prancing around the stage, and running on your side of the stage.. he glances down to look at Jeff and then he sees you.

You both lock eyes at the same time and he trips on his own feet, halting in front of you, and the screaming only intensifies when he breaks out into the biggest smile you’ve seen on him all night.

His hands immediately go to his heart and you see his eyes water as you smile back at him with matching watery eyes. He reaches for you with a small “Hi” leaving his lips and you mouth it back. You can tell he wants to say something else, but he quickly shakes his head with a grin and goes back to dancing around the stage.

You can hear fans calling out your name from around you as now they’ve noticed you. You look around, giving a small wave at the fans near you, and they shriek when you look at them.

You blush under their gazes as it never gets any less weird for you that people actually know who you are. But feeling grateful nonetheless.

Harry makes his way to your corner of the stage after he sings probably the saddest song you’ve ever heard and smiles at you as he settles himself with the microphone stand.

“Now this next song… this next song is incredibly special to me. One of my favorites actually. And…” he pauses and takes in a shaky breath. “The person who inspired this song is actually here tonight.”

The crowd goes wild. Loud cheers surrounding your entire body. You feel lightheaded as you watch Harry on stage.

Watching you.

He gives you a small smile and continues, “This person.. has been my best friend for almost a decade now. We actually met at a Halloween party many many years ago. Her best friend is actually the person I spilled my beer on,” you both chuckle at his words, “I’m getting off track here. But I just want to say that this person is the one person that I absolutely adore. I adore her, I admire her, I respect her, I recognize her, and I love her.” His voice cracks at the last couple of words, his bottom lip quivering and his chin caving in, and tears pool his eyes.

Your eyes are filled with tears at hearing his speech to you and knowing that this is showing his vulnerable side. Which he has always struggled with. You clamp your hands together against your chin as you only smile up at him.

“This is ‘Little Freak’,” he says into the mic as the band starts playing a soft melody.

The first lyrics remind me of the incident in Italy last year and your heart silently hurts. You grip onto the railing in front of you as you listen closely to each lyric.

Finding yourself relating to each word and wanting to pull Harry into your embrace.

Did you dress up for Halloween? I spilled beer on your friend.. I’m not sorry.

You chuckle as you sniffle while slow tears fall down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them away. You watch him in awe as you hear everybody singing along to the lyrics. To a song that came out less than twenty four hours ago.

I disrespected you

Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard

A broken ankle, karma rules

You never saw my birthmark

Okay. Maybe this is the saddest song you’ve ever heard. Harry holds out the microphone to his fans and gets overwhelmed when they’re singing back his lyrics so loudly. You laugh with joy at how happy he is.

“Thank you so much,” he says into the microphone with his voice wavering, but sounding so grateful.

Just thinkin' about you

He finishes singing the last lyric and he looks over at you with a smile. You smile back with a thumbs up and his dimples show.

The rest of the concert goes by so quickly you can’t even believe it’s been almost two hours since he started.

Every single one of his songs feels connected to you in some way and you wonder if you were in Harry’s thoughts when he wrote this album. You know ‘Little Freak’ is about you since he practically dedicated it to you before he sang it.. but you wonder about the rest.

A part of you doesn’t want to know.

Jeff is by your side as soon as Harry runs off the stage after doing his famous ‘Whale’ and glancing at you quickly.

Jeff wraps his arm around your shoulder, with a smile, he asks, “What’d you think?”

“He’s incredible.”

“That’s our boy.”

You hum in agreement and you both walk off backstage to the chaos that is the loud voices of people congratulating the band and Harry on a brilliant performance.

You stand in the background, watching Harry take each compliment with grace, a shake of each person's hand, and a dimpled smile on his face.

You watch him carefully, bouncing on your heeled boots, heart racing, fingers aching to feel Harry’s skin, and your body trying not to reach for him.

You smile softly when you notice his eyes searching the room and then they land on you. His expression changes to a mix of glowing happiness and absolute joy. He looks like a little kid that just got offered a lollipop at the dentist.

He politely excuses himself from the group he had just thanked and hastily makes his way towards you.

You open your arms to him on instinct, “Hi.”

His arms engulf you into his space, completely tucking you into his body, and you feel complete. His hands wrap around your torso, underneath your blazer, touching your skin, and your arms wrap around his neck. Your faces squeezing into each other’s necks and he whispers a breathy, “Hi.”

You melt into his embrace, smelling his cinnamon roll hair styling crème that he still uses, and it brings back a decade of memories for you. His strong arms squeeze you as he lifts you up off your toes and you can hear him inhaling your scent.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

You chuckle into his neck, “Me more.”

You both pull away at the same time, staring at each other, and you place your hand on his cheek. He leans into it with a small smile, beautiful glossy green eyes staring into yours, and you thumb his cheek.

“I’m sorry, H.” You confess with a soft tone, trying to hold your voice steady while your heart races inside of your chest.

“Don’t apologize. I’m the one that messed up, but.. c’mon.” He wraps his hand in yours, giving Jeff a small signal, and he starts to walk off towards his dressing room.

He leads you into the big dim-lighted room, shutting the door behind you, and locking it for privacy.

You stay in front of him, glancing at him and trying to see if you notice anything different about it.

But he’s still the same Harry. Right in front of you. Finally.

He pulls two cold waters from the mini fridge and hands one to you as he leads you both to the couch. You get comfortable as he kicks off his shoes, leaning into the green couch, and planting his feet on top of the coffee table. You sit back and admire him for a second before drinking some water.

After a moment of silence, he asks, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. Missed you tho.”

He smiles as he tucks his chin into his chest, arms crossing over his chest, “I did, too. More than you can imagine.”

“Yeah?” You question, playing with the rings on your fingers, and you look at him from underneath your lashes.

“Come here,” he says as he reaches for your hand. Your insides turn and you let him pull you into his lap. Your breathing hitches as he stares at your face, taking you in, and then his eyes land on your lips.

“Of course I’ve missed you. You’re my best friend,” he whispers into you as he slowly leans in and you close your eyes, waiting for his lips to touch yours.

“Do you still want me?” You blurt out bluntly, your eyes going wide, and you suddenly feel weak. You feel vulnerable. Insecure.

Harry tenses in front of you, his eyes going wide, and he searches for words. But nothing comes out. His eyebrows furr in confusion, “What? How-I… Are you serious? I was about to kiss you..”

You look down, ashamed at your question, and you feel him pull your face back up to meet his own eyes with his thumb.

“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want you?”

His eyes are sincere and full of concern. His body leans into yours, his arms that are holding you only grow tighter, and you wrap your arms around his neck limply.

You lean into his touch and try to smile. Your lips wavering when you say, “I.. I ignored you for months.”

“You had your reasons. I was awful to you. I said mean words to you that I should have taken back as soon as I had spoken them. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

His thumb caresses your cheek as you nod at him.

“I’m still sorry,” you say again as you kiss the inside of his palm.

“I have always wanted you.”

“What?” You say with a grin as he matches your own.

“I, Harry Styles, have always wanted you, Y/N L/N. Ever since the first moment I saw you. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my eyes on and you continue being so.”

You let out a watery laugh as tears prick your eyes, you swat his chest playfully, “Stop! You’re making me cry!” You both laugh together as he places a big smooch on your cheek.

You giggle as he slowly starts to kiss your cheek and makes his way down to your lips.

His hands are holding your face when he leans back and asks you, “Can I kiss you?”

Before you can even finish nodding, his lips are on yours.

His lips feel soft and warm against yours. You both held your breath as he waited for you to respond to his kiss, his lips on yours, but full of hesitation.

You relax into his hands, letting yourself finally kiss him back, and a feeling of euphoria fills your body. You both moan into the kiss, tilting your heads for better access, and you pull at each other to feel closer together. He slides off your blazer and touches your naked arms, moaning at feeling your skin against his own.

Your tongue fights with Harry’s and you suck on his bottom lip with a moan. Your hands moving from the back of his warm neck to his curly hair, tugging at the roots, and filling with content when he groans into your mouth.

Harry lets go of your face and he’s moving your body over his own, adjusting himself onto the couch, and you plant yourself down on his hips. Feeling his hardening bulge against your core makes you feel hot. Your core aching in want and you grind against him.

You both meet again in the middle and kiss, lips lapping against each other, open mouthed moans, and pants filling the room. Slow hips grinding against each other.

In the rush of probably the hottest way you’ve ever kissed someone, he’s suddenly pulling away from your body completely.

Leaving your body aching for his touch and your skin feeling burned as his hands leave your waist.

You’re suddenly filled with confusion, furring your eyebrows, and peering up at H.

“What’s going on? Why’d you stop?” You pant out as you try to catch your breath.

H looks like he’s torn between a million emotions as he clutches his eyes in distress, a heavy breathe escaping his lips, and he’s shaking his head. Then.. he chuckles.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this..”

Your heart stops.

“But.. I don’t want our first time to be like this.”

Oh.

“Oh?” You question with a small smile as you sit up on his lap, adjusting your jumpsuit straps around your neck, and he’s leaning against the back of the couch… looking so adorable.

He looks almost shy right now and he blushes under your gaze.

“Yeah,” he says as he reaches for your hand and you let him. “I want our first time to be special. I want it to be in my bed or yours. And I want it…I just.. I don’t want to fuck you in this dressing room. I mean—“

You cut him off as your cheeks flush down to your neck at his words, “I have an apartment here.”

His eyebrows spike up in shock as he looks simultaneously confused, shocked, and you can tell he’s hurt that he doesn’t know about this major change in your life. You reach for his hand and squeeze it when he immediately grips onto yours. Trying to reassure him with your touch.

“Since when?”

“Fairly recent,” you say with a small smile playing on your sinful lips.

“Where?”

“The Copper,” you say with a glint of enthusiasm and he only matches you. Like always.

“You got an apartment there?” His eyes glint with a look of pride.

“I got the penthouse.”

The second that you both walk into your penthouse, Harry’s mouth and hands are on you. And you’re not complaining.

You throw off your blazer at the same time he kicks off his shoes.

His hands are all over the parts of your skin that isn’t covered and he stops when he finds the clasp around your neck. He swiftly unhooks your jumpsuit and you feel it fall over your shoulders and down your chest. Your breasts are now exposed and you feet the cold air brush against your nipples. Perking them up and making you gasp in pleasure.

He tugs on your jumpsuit which makes it pull around your waist and his hands move onto your breasts. He moans into your mouth when he feels them naked since you’re not wearing a bra or pasties. He thumbs your nipples and you whimper into him, licking the roof of his mouth, and sliding your hands underneath his shirt.

He manages to shove you against your couch and you both tumble on it, giggling into the kiss, and his hands are around your body to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.

You giggle as he kisses you, which only makes him giggle with you, and then you’re laying down on your couch. You pull away from him when you feel him get on his knees in front of you.

He slowly slides his hands underneath your jumpsuit, unzipping your boots, and tossing them to the floor. His eyes are only on you.

You watch him with want as he slips off his shirt, tossing it to the side, and you shimmy out of your jumpsuit. Tugging off your black thong with it.

Harry's lips are on yours again and he’s hungry. Kissing you deeply, his tongue fighting for dominance with your own, both moaning and panting, aching for each other, and he’s reaching down to unzip his pants.

Harry’s hands suddenly are off of your hips and his lips leave your own. You whine as you feel him pull away from you and you quickly open your eyes to watch him as he’s watching you, now sitting on his knees on the couch, and his eyes never leave yours.

He slowly lets his eyes wander down your naked body, fully taking in that this is the first time he’s ever seen you naked, and it makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached before. Makes your skin break out into goosebumps at the mere sight of him taking you in.

He stands up, shoving off his leather pants and his red briefs, and his long, thick dick makes an appearance. Your eyes go wide as you look at him, the first time truly looking at his dick, and your pussy only clenches with desire at the same time your mouth waters with want.

His dick is beautiful. Long, thick, and looking juicy. And waiting to fuck you up. His tip is leaking pre-cum already and it bounces with every movement he makes. He moves back to where he was sitting on his knees on the couch, admiring you as you admire him.

“Fuck,” he mutters out as he wipes his face with his hands before he sets them down on your ankles.

“What is it?” You whisper as you move your legs to open up in front of him, feeling your wetness coat your inner thighs, and he bites his bottom lip. His dick twitching in all its hardened glory. He’s almost fully leaking from the tip of his dick.

“You… are beautiful. Breathtaking.. and this is the first time I see you naked. I just wanna admire you,” he says as he pulls your ankle to his shoulder and kisses your shin. You smile as you let yourself spread out more for him as he starts kissing up your legs slowly and sinfully.

Your breathing hitches as he gets closer to your center, you're already antsy when he stops in your inner thigh, kissing both of them, licking them, and sucking small love bites onto them.

You massage your breasts as you lean your head down to get a better look at him.

“You’re glistening,” he mutters against your thigh, kissing right next to your aching pussy. You can help but moan out in want and anticipation. Your hips are getting a mind of their own as you try to hitch them towards his mouth and his eyes move towards yours.

“So inpatient,” he says as his cold fingers are suddenly touching your wet lips, pulling them open, and he spreads you to his liking.

“Oh my god,” you moan out at the sensation that overcomes your entire body at Harry finally touching you.

He moves himself in between your legs, pushing your thighs down on each side, and he lets his tongue slowly lick your pussy. You clench around him, you can’t fully believe that this is happening right now, and you twist your nipples in between your fingers. You tilt your head back in a pant when Harry slips two fingers inside of you.

“Fuck,” he groans out as he curves his fingers inside of you and your pussy only tightens around them. Your breathing has picked up and you can hear how absolutely drenched you are by the sound his fingers are making as he moves them in and out of your pussy.

Harry seems to only fuel himself more with your moans and panting because you feel him start to devour you. You gasp when you feel his tongue lick you from the bottom of your folds all the way to your clit where he swivels his tongue around it and sucks it into his mouth gently. The bundle of nerves makes the pit of your belly harden in pleasure, your back curving upwards, and your hands move into his curls to hold onto something. Anything.

You moan out his name when his fingers start thrusting inside of you, in and out. In and out. And then he picks up his pace, slightly, but making a big difference in how it fuels your impending orgasm.

His fingers continue to fuck you, his mouth devouring you, and his tongue is torturing you. In every possible way. You know this is going to be the best sex of your life. You know you’ll never be able to move on from this. You hope Harry will feel the same way, too.

His mouth moves skillfully against your pussy, his tongue flicking your clit in all the best ways, and you can feel the pressure slowly building up in your lower stomach.

Harry sucks onto your clit, making your legs start to shake slightly, and he inserts a third finger into you. You cry out in pleasure, your body feeling like it’s on fire, your skin is glistening with sweat, and you start to move your hips to match the pace of his mouth.

He doesn’t stop his movements. He only keeps going. His fingers fucking you like heaven, his moans sending shockwaves through your body, and then.. he moves his tongue into the right spot on your clit which makes you absolutely explode from underneath him.

You yell out his name, so loud that if you actually had neighbors on this floor, you’d be scared they’d come banging on your door for being so damn loud, and your eyes prick with tears from the amazing orgasm that overtakes you.

Your toes curl into the couch, fingers gripping onto his curls, entire body clenching and then releasing as you feel yourself soaking Harry's mouth and fingers, and he’s lapping up every single drop of your release. Moaning as you can see his thighs grinding into the couch.

You don’t even let your body come down from the high when you’re hastily moving from being underneath Harry to being on top of him, straddling him, and kissing him hard. Sucking his lips into yours and moaning when you can taste yourself on his tongue.

You kiss him for a couple seconds before you move down his stomach, licking his butterfly tattoo, sucking a couple love bites on his abs, and letting yourself make eye contact with him the entire time.

His pupils are blown out, lips plump and swollen, cheeks flushed bright pink, and he looks fucked.

“Fuck,” he pants out, his voice raspy and blissed out. And he can’t even react before you’re taking in his aching dick into your mouth. Fully deep-throating him that the tip is curving into the back of your throat. Your eyes water as you keep eye contact with him, your hands holding yourself steady against his fern tattoos, and his hands grip into your loose hair.

“Holy shit! You’re fucking-I-you’re fucking taking me all the way, baby!”

You preen at his words, bobbing your head on his dick, pulling up slowly to let your tongue lap over his tip, sucking off the pre-cum into your mouth, and moaning so that he feels every vibration in your throat on his dick. You can feel his dick twitching in pleasure inside of your mouth and it only fuels you to be better. You pick up your pace, nails digging into his hips, lapping him up, and everytime you go all the way down, you let your tongue lick his balls too.

Harry suddenly pulls your face off his dick and you whimper at the disconnection. You look at him with big, blown out pupils, and a stream of saliva connecting your lips with his dick.

He groans as his hands move down to your breasts, pinching your nipples, and then he thumbs your swollen lower lip to wipe off the mess.

“‘M gonna cum if you keep suckin’ me off like that, honey.” His voice is breathless as he cups your face, pulling you up easily, and connecting your lips with his. Your wet core lands on his fat, aching dick, and you already need him inside of you.

You’re aching for him.

You kiss each other roughly, hands all over each other, and you start hitching your hips higher trying to align yourself with his dick. You can feel his dick fluttering in between your folds, wetting him up even more, and then you feel your opening align with his dick. You shift your hips a little bit more and you feel the head of his dick right where you want him.

You lower down onto his pulsating dick and he groans into your mouth. His hands immediately find your hips, holding you steady as you try to lower yourself more, only being halfway.

“God, you’re so fuckin’ tight right now. So fucking tight, give me a second..” He moans even louder as he allows you to lower yourself even more until your pelvis meets his own. You steady yourself on his chest, tightening your arms against your breast, and smiling wickedly at Harry’s expression which only shows pleasure.

You slowly start to move against his hips, slowly bouncing on his dick as his tight grip on your hips help you move, and you can feel how desperate he is for you. How much he’s wanted this. How much you’ve been wanting this.

He slowly starts moving his hips underneath you, quickly changing the pace from slow and sultry to fast and rough. The sound of slapping skin fills the entire penthouse, your moans mixing with his own, and your hands are touching him everywhere.

“You feel so good,” you whimper out to him as you lick the curves of his neck as he pulls you into his chest as he hitches his hips to fuck into you like this.

“You were made for me,” he whimpers back as his arms wrap around your waist.

His thrust only increases in speed in this position. His dick filling you up completely, like nobody ever has, touching every inch of your walls, and your wetness only allows him to fuck into you faster.

You feel the familiar feeling building up in your belly, you lick and suck his earlobe, “I’m so close.”

He quickly turns you over, so that your body is laying on the couch now, his dick never exiting you, and now he hitches your legs to wrap around his waist. He presses down against our belly and it only fuels your climax.

“Oh my fuckin’—” you cry out as you feel Harry fucking you hard and him pushing against your cervix seems to increase the sensations.

“Feel me up here, huh?” He groans out as he continues to push into you at a rough speed which you can only nod, feeling absolutely fucked, and he moves his free hand to your clit. Moving his thumb in circles roughly against it which triggers your orgasm.

You clench around his dick, crying out loud, your entire body breaking out into goosebumps, and instant satisfaction floods you. You tighten your legs around Harry, pulling him into you, waiting for him to cum too, and he’s looking like a fucking god above you.

His curls falling around his face, sweat glistening his toned body and his forehead, fucked out, bright flushed pink cheeks, and you don’t know what comes over you…

You reach forward as he fucks you and you place your hand aound his neck, holding the sides, avoiding the center, and his eyes go wide.

His eyes instantly meet yours and his lips part in shock. And you keep moving your body against his, letting him use you completely, and then.. you squeeze around his neck.

His eyes roll back into his head, biting his bottom lip, fucking you rough and hard, and you know he’s about to cum. You squeeze his throat harder and your free hand reaches underneath his neck to tug his curls.

He lets out the loudest, gut-wrenching moan of the night, and his thrusts start turning animalistic, when he yells out, “Fuckkk!!”

He continues to thrust into you as he reaches his peak, filling you up completely, and you both are a panting mess as you both start coming down from your orgasms.

Harry flops onto your chest, but holding himself up with his forearms on your sides. You giggle as you can still feel his dick inside of you, but you wrap your arms around his neck.

He lifts his head, panting, and eyes glistening. He smiles at you, bunny teeth showing, and dimples carving his cheeks.

“That was…” he stops as if he can’t even find the words, but who are you kidding? You can’t either.

“It was,” you agree as you kiss his forehead.

“That was very much long overdue,” he states with a teasing grin and you playfully pinch his forearm. He laughs into your neck before giving you a soft kiss.

“How long are you here for?” You ask, not really wanting to ask, but you know you should.

“I’m here as long as you are.”

You furr your eyebrows in confusion, lips parting with a question, and he shushes you.

“I’m not letting you leave my sight ever again.”

He places a million kisses over your face, you swat him away with giggles, and then hold his face in your hands. Eyes locking.

“Does this mean we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” You tease.

“Shit, I’d marry you tomorrow if you’d let me.”

Your eyes glint with amusement and so do his.

“Who says I wouldn’t?” You whisper at him, playing with his curls in your fingers. And he attacks you with another million kisses.

You could get used to this.

And you think you just might.

“So, where’s that secret birthmark of yours?”

@that-daydream-look @harrysfolklore @b-reads-things @tbslnightly @noseyrosey1597 @alwayslovingharry @alreadyjackbestfriend @cevansssss @1cedteaa @feestyles @you-sunshine @awesomebooklover17 @aruima

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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 days

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Algorithmic feeds are a twiddler’s playground

Next TUESDAY (May 14), I'm on a livecast about AI AND ENSHITTIFICATION with TIM O'REILLY; on WEDNESDAY (May 15), I'm in NORTH HOLLYWOOD with HARRY SHEARER for a screening of STEPHANIE KELTON'S FINDING THE MONEY; FRIDAY (May 17), I'm at the INTERNET ARCHIVE in SAN FRANCISCO to keynote the 10th anniversary of the AUTHORS ALLIANCE.

Like Oscar Wilde, "I can resist anything except temptation," and my slow and halting journey to adulthood is really just me grappling with this fact, getting temptation out of my way before I can yield to it.

Behavioral economists have a name for the steps we take to guard against temptation: a "Ulysses pact." That's when you take some possibility off the table during a moment of strength in recognition of some coming moment of weakness:

https://archive.org/details/decentralizedwebsummit2016-corydoctorow

Famously, Ulysses did this before he sailed into the Sea of Sirens. Rather than stopping his ears with wax to prevent his hearing the sirens' song, which would lure him to his drowning, Ulysses has his sailors tie him to the mast, leaving his ears unplugged. Ulysses became the first person to hear the sirens' song and live to tell the tale.

Ulysses was strong enough to know that he would someday be weak. He expressed his strength by guarding against his weakness. Our modern lives are filled with less epic versions of the Ulysses pact: the day you go on a diet, it's a good idea to throw away all your Oreos. That way, when your blood sugar sings its siren song at 2AM, it will be drowned out by the rest of your body's unwillingness to get dressed, find your keys and drive half an hour to the all-night grocery store.

Note that this Ulysses pact isn't perfect. You might drive to the grocery store. It's rare that a Ulysses pact is unbreakable – we bind ourselves to the mast, but we don't chain ourselves to it and slap on a pair of handcuffs for good measure.

People who run institutions can – and should – create Ulysses pacts, too. A company that holds the kind of sensitive data that might be subjected to "sneak-and-peek" warrants by cops or spies can set up a "warrant canary":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warrant_canary

This isn't perfect. A company that stops publishing regular transparency reports might have been compromised by the NSA, but it's also possible that they've had a change in management and the new boss just doesn't give a shit about his users' privacy:

https://www.fastcompany.com/90853794/twitters-transparency-reporting-has-tanked-under-elon-musk

Likewise, a company making software it wants users to trust can release that code under an irrevocable free/open software license, thus guaranteeing that each release under that license will be free and open forever. This is good, but not perfect: the new boss can take that free/open code down a proprietary fork and try to orphan the free version:

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39772562

A company can structure itself as a public benefit corporation and make a binding promise to elevate its stakeholders' interests over its shareholders' – but the CEO can still take a secret $100m bribe from cryptocurrency creeps and try to lure those stakeholders into a shitcoin Ponzi scheme:

https://fortune.com/crypto/2024/03/11/kickstarter-blockchain-a16z-crypto-secret-investment-chris-dixon/

A key resource can be entrusted to a nonprofit with a board of directors who are charged with stewarding it for the benefit of a broad community, but when a private equity fund dangles billions before that board, they can talk themselves into a belief that selling out is the right thing to do:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/12/how-we-saved-org-2020-review

Ulysses pacts aren't perfect, but they are very important. At the very least, creating a Ulysses pact starts with acknowledging that you are fallible. That you can be tempted, and rationalize your way into taking bad action, even when you know better. Becoming an adult is a process of learning that your strength comes from seeing your weaknesses and protecting yourself and the people who trust you from them.

Which brings me to enshittification. Enshittification is the process by which platforms betray their users and their customers by siphoning value away from each until the platform is a pile of shit:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enshittification

Enshittification is a spectrum that can be applied to many companies' decay, but in its purest form, enshittification requires:

a) A platform: a two-sided market with business customers and end users who can be played off against each other; b) A digital back-end: a market that can be easily, rapidly and undetectably manipulated by its owners, who can alter search-rankings, prices and costs on a per-user, per-query basis; and c) A lack of constraint: the platform's owners must not fear a consequence for this cheating, be it from competitors, regulators, workforce resignations or rival technologists who use mods, alternative clients, blockers or other "adversarial interoperability" tools to disenshittify your product and sever your relationship with your users.

he founders of tech platforms don't generally set out to enshittify them. Rather, they are constantly seeking some equilibrium between delivering value to their shareholders and turning value over to end users, business customers, and their own workers. Founders are consummate rationalizers; like parenting, founding a company requires continuous, low-grade self-deception about the amount of work involved and the chances of success. A founder, confronted with the likelihood of failure, is absolutely capable of talking themselves into believing that nearly any compromise is superior to shuttering the business: "I'm one of the good guys, so the most important thing is for me to live to fight another day. Thus I can do any number of immoral things to my users, business customers or workers, because I can make it up to them when we survive this crisis. It's for their own good, even if they don't know it. Indeed, I'm doubly moral here, because I'm volunteering to look like the bad guy, just so I can save this business, which will make the world over for the better":

https://locusmag.com/2024/05/cory-doctorow-no-one-is-the-enshittifier-of-their-own-story/

(En)shit(tification) flows downhill, so tech workers grapple with their own version of this dilemma. Faced with constant pressure to increase the value flowing from their division to the company, they have to balance different, conflicting tactics, like "increasing the number of users or business customers, possibly by shifting value from the company to these stakeholders in the hopes of making it up in volume"; or "locking in my existing stakeholders and squeezing them harder, safe in the knowledge that they can't easily leave the service provided the abuse is subtle enough." The bigger a company gets, the harder it is for it to grow, so the biggest companies realize their gains by locking in and squeezing their users, not by improving their service::

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/

That's where "twiddling" comes in. Digital platforms are extremely flexible, which comes with the territory: computers are the most flexible tools we have. This means that companies can automate high-speed, deceptive changes to the "business logic" of their platforms – what end users pay, how much of that goes to business customers, and how offers are presented to both:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

This kind of fraud isn't particularly sophisticated, but it doesn't have to be – it just has to be fast. In any shell-game, the quickness of the hand deceives the eye:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/26/glitchbread/#electronic-shelf-tags

Under normal circumstances, this twiddling would be constrained by counterforces in society. Changing the business rules like this is fraud, so you'd hope that a regulator would step in and extinguish the conduct, fining the company that engaged in it so hard that they saw a net loss from the conduct. But when a sector gets very concentrated, its mega-firms capture their regulators, becoming "too big to jail":

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/

Thus the tendency among the giant tech companies to practice the one lesson of the Darth Vader MBA: dismissing your stakeholders' outrage by saying, "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

Where regulators fail, technology can step in. The flexibility of digital platforms cuts both ways: when the company enshittifies its products, you can disenshittify it with your own countertwiddling: third-party ink-cartridges, alternative app stores and clients, scrapers, browser automation and other forms of high-tech guerrilla warfare:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

But tech giants' regulatory capture have allowed them to expand "IP rights" to prevent this self-help. By carefully layering overlapping IP rights around their products, they can criminalize the technology that lets you wrestle back the value they've claimed for themselves, creating a new offense of "felony contempt of business model":

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

A world where users must defer to platforms' moment-to-moment decisions about how the service operates, without the protection of rival technology or regulatory oversight is a world where companies face a powerful temptation to enshittify.

That's why we've seen so much enshittification in platforms that algorithmically rank their feeds, from Google and Amazon search to Facebook and Twitter feeds. A search engine is always going to be making a judgment call about what the best result for your search should be. If a search engine is generally good at predicting which results will please you best, you'll return to it, automatically clicking the first result ("I'm feeling lucky").

This means that if a search engine slips in the odd paid result at the top of the results, they can exploit your trusting habits to shift value from you to their investors. The congifurability of a digital service means that they can sprinkle these frauds into their services on a random schedule, making them hard to detect and easy to dismiss as lapses. Gradually, this acquires its own momentum, and the platform becomes addicted to lowering its own quality to raise its profits, and you get modern Google, which cynically lowered search quality to increase search volume:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/24/naming-names/#prabhakar-raghavan

And you get Amazon, which makes $38 billion every year, accepting bribes to replace its best search results with paid results for products that cost more and are of lower quality:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/06/attention-rents/#consumer-welfare-queens

Social media's enshittification followed a different path. In the beginning, social media presented a deterministic feed: after you told the platform who you wanted to follow, the platform simply gathered up the posts those users made and presented them to you, in reverse-chronological order.

This presented few opportunities for enshittification, but it wasn't perfect. For users who were well-established on a platform, a reverse-chrono feed was an ungovernable torrent, where high-frequency trivialities drowned out the important posts from people whose missives were buried ten screens down in the updates since your last login.

For new users who didn't yet follow many people, this presented the opposite problem: an empty feed, and the sense that you were all alone while everyone else was having a rollicking conversation down the hall, in a room you could never find.

The answer was the algorithmic feed: a feed of recommendations drawn from both the accounts you followed and strangers alike. Theoretically, this could solve both problems, by surfacing the most important materials from your friends while keeping you abreast of the most important and interesting activity beyond your filter bubble. For many of us, this promise was realized, and algorithmic feeds became a source of novelty and relevance.

But these feeds are a profoundly tempting enshittification target. The critique of these algorithms has largely focused on "addictiveness" and the idea that platforms would twiddle the knobs to increase the relevance of material in your feed to "hack your engagement":

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/mar/04/has-dopamine-got-us-hooked-on-tech-facebook-apps-addiction

Less noticed – and more important – was how platforms did the opposite: twiddling the knobs to remove things from your feed that you'd asked to see or that the algorithm predicted you'd enjoy, to make room for "boosted" content and advertisements:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Instagram/comments/z9j7uy/what_happened_to_instagram_only_ads_and_accounts/

Users were helpless before this kind of twiddling. On the one hand, they were locked into the platform – not because their dopamine had been hacked by evil tech-bro wizards – but because they loved the friends they had there more than they hated the way the service was run:

https://locusmag.com/2023/01/commentary-cory-doctorow-social-quitting/

On the other hand, the platforms had such an iron grip on their technology, and had deployed IP so cleverly, that any countertwiddling technology was instantaneously incinerated by legal death-rays:

https://techcrunch.com/2022/10/10/google-removes-the-og-app-from-the-play-store-as-founders-think-about-next-steps/

Newer social media platforms, notably Tiktok, dispensed entirely with deterministic feeds, defaulting every user into a feed that consisted entirely of algorithmic picks; the people you follow on these platforms are treated as mere suggestions by their algorithms. This is a perfect breeding-ground for enshittification: different parts of the business can twiddle the knobs to override the algorithm for their own parochial purposes, shifting the quality:shit ratio by unnoticeable increments, temporarily toggling the quality knob when your engagement drops off:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/emilybaker-white/2023/01/20/tiktoks-secret-heating-button-can-make-anyone-go-viral/

All social platforms want to be Tiktok: nominally, that's because Tiktok's algorithmic feed is so good at hooking new users and keeping established users hooked. But tech bosses also understand that a purely algorithmic feed is the kind of black box that can be plausibly and subtly enshittified without sparking user revolts:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

Back in 2004, when Mark Zuckerberg was coming to grips with Facebook's success, he boasted to a friend that he was sitting on a trove of emails, pictures and Social Security numbers for his fellow Harvard students, offering this up for his friend's idle snooping. The friend, surprised, asked "What? How'd you manage that one?"

Infamously, Zuck replied, "People just submitted it. I don't know why. They 'trust me.' Dumb fucks."

https://www.esquire.com/uk/latest-news/a19490586/mark-zuckerberg-called-people-who-handed-over-their-data-dumb-f/

This was a remarkable (and uncharacteristic) self-aware moment from the then-nineteen-year-old Zuck. Of course Zuck couldn't be trusted with that data. Whatever Jiminy Cricket voice told him to safeguard that trust was drowned out by his need to boast to pals, or participate in the creepy nonconsensual rating of the fuckability of their female classmates. Over and over again, Zuckerberg would promise to use his power wisely, then break that promise as soon as he could do so without consequence:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3247362

Zuckerberg is a cautionary tale. Aware from the earliest moments that he was amassing power that he couldn't be trusted with, he nevertheless operated with only the weakest of Ulysses pacts, like a nonbinding promise never to spy on his users:

https://web.archive.org/web/20050107221705/http://www.thefacebook.com/policy.php

But the platforms have learned the wrong lesson from Zuckerberg. Rather than treating Facebook's enshittification as a cautionary tale, they've turned it into a roadmap. The Darth Vader MBA rules high-tech boardrooms.

Algorithmic feeds and other forms of "paternalistic" content presentation are necessary and even desirable in an information-rich environment. In many instances, decisions about what you see must be largely controlled by a third party whom you trust. The audience in a comedy club doesn't get to insist on knowing the punchline before the joke is told, just as RPG players don't get to order the Dungeon Master to present their preferred challenges during a campaign.

But this power is balanced against the ease of the players replacing the Dungeon Master or the audience walking out on the comic. When you've got more than a hundred dollars sunk into a video game and an online-only friend-group you raid with, the games company can do a lot of enshittification without losing your business, and they know it:

https://www.theverge.com/2024/5/10/24153809/ea-in-game-ads-redux

Even if they sometimes overreach and have to retreat:

https://www.eurogamer.net/sony-overturns-helldivers-2-psn-requirement-following-backlash

A tech company that seeks your trust for an algorithmic feed needs Ulysses pacts, or it will inevitably yield to the temptation to enshittify. From strongest to weakest, these are:

Not showing you an algorithmic feed at all;

https://joinmastodon.org/

"Composable moderation" that lets multiple parties provide feeds:

https://bsky.social/about/blog/4-13-2023-moderation

Offering an algorithmic "For You" feed alongside of a reverse-chrono "Friends" feed, defaulting to friends;

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

As above, but defaulting to "For You"

Maturity lies in being strong enough to know your weaknesses. Never trust someone who tells you that they will never yield to temptation! Instead, seek out people – and service providers – with the maturity and honesty to know how tempting temptation is, and who act before temptation strikes to make it easier to resist.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/11/for-you/#the-algorithm-tm

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

djhughman https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Modular_synthesizer_-_%22Control_Voltage%22_electronic_music_shop_in_Portland_OR_-_School_Photos_PCC_%282015-05-23_12.43.01_by_djhughman%29.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #twiddling #for you #enshittification #intermediation #the algorithm tm #moral hazard #end to end

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octuscle · 6 months

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Dude, I've been edging every day for weeks now, and I love how full my balls feel and how wild all that extra stimulation drives me. It feels so good to be so full of cum...

I wish I came even more! I wish my needy cock would drool so much precum that I need to wear condoms to keep from soaking my pants at work... I wish that my balls would produce so much that I can feel them gurgling and sloshing like water balloons...

Welcome to the NNN, bro! I can understand you, having as much pressure on your balls as on your bladder after a decent bender with your pals just makes you fucking horny.

As good as the idea with the condom was, unfortunately you forgot it. And now it actually looks like you've pissed your pants. Your underpants are completely encrusted with the sticky stuff. And thanks to your bursting balls, you can't concentrate at all. All you can think about is sex. Hard, male sex. And then you shout "Damn, I'm so horny, I could fuck a vase of flowers" in the middle of the meeting. Your colleagues look irritated, your boss asks you outside for a quick chat in private and suspends you for the rest of the day. Thank God, you couldn't stand being around people any longer. You would even have banged that fat, unsympathetic fellow from Internal Audit if you had been in the same room for much longer. Before you leave the building, at least take a piss. Flush the precum out of your dick. And put some toilet paper in your underpants to soak it up.

Fuck, there's so much manhood building up in your balls… It's coming out of your cock as precum. But you also start to sweat it out. And with the sweat you fertilize your fur. The bushes under your armpits grow. The bush around your dick grows. And your dick is getting longer and longer. And your face, still clean-shaven this morning, is showing a veritable three-day beard. And the damp patch on your pants looks forbidden. If you already have the afternoon off involuntarily, you might as well get out of your clothes. And get yourself something new. There's a sportswear and workwear store just around the corner… Maybe you'll find something there…

A jockstrap won't do much good. But the synthetic material will at least dry quickly. Just like the nylon sports pants. You asked the store assistant to lend you a pair of scissors. You cut open the trouser pockets with them. That way you can get to your cock and balls better. Not at all to play around with you. But this way you can spread the precum and massage it into your skin and hair. Shit, the thought makes even more precum flow. It's a vicious circle. You look in the mirror. That makes it even worse. The soft office boy has turned into a pithy chav. Your hands are already sticky. You rub them on your old clothes and stuff them in a garbage can.

Don't wank, don't wank. You try to think of things that are a complete turn-off. But then you see some guy walk past you and your balls push out another gush of precum. Not wanking… But sex is not forbidden. So if someone were to suck you off now… That would be okay… The guy coming towards you looks at your pants for a long time, where you're playing with your balls, and then deep into your eyes. You walk past each other and both turn around again. And while you maintain eye contact, you turn into the side alley. As expected, you don't have to wait long and your fellow follows you.

Thank goodness. You wouldn't have lasted a second longer. The guy gets down on his knees and you push your waistband down. Your cock pops out and pulls up a fat slimy strip of precum. The fellow's saliva runs out of the corner of his mouth. The poor bastard has no idea what's about to happen to him. An explosion is brewing in your balls that you will both remember for a long time to come. Enjoy!

Found the pic with you playing with your sticky balls @milankotowyc

#submission #male tf #male transformation #chav tf #nnn

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daisynik7 · 1 year

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Rush

Chapter 11: Something About Us

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

cw: violence, angst

Summary: It might not be the right time. I might not be the right one. But there’s something about us I have to say, ‘cause there’s something between us anyway.

Notes: Thanks so much for all of those who have stuck with this story through the end. Nervous and excited to hear what you all think. Also, I know it’s cheesy, but I did use song lyrics for the summary because I I thought it was fitting. Song is “Something About Us” by Daft Punk.

Previous Chapter | ao3 | Epilogue

Rush Series Masterlist

Rush Series Taglist

----------

Bam.

Eren’s knuckles collide with Reiner’s jaw, causing the latter to stumble into Bertolt, who catches him and shoves him back up to his feet. A trickle of blood seeps from the side of his mouth, a split lip forming from the punch. He wipes it with the back of his hand, a cocky smirk forming on his face, challenging. As soon as he advances, Eren pounces first, gripping his collar aggressively as he wrestles him into the ground.

“Don’t fucking talk about her you fucking piece of shit!” he screams, spit flying from his mouth, a blind rage clouding his vision.

“Eren!” Armin cries out, attempting to intervene.

Reiner glares at him with a wild expression, animalistic and violent. Almost snarling as he wraps his hands around Eren’s neck, nails digging into his throat, choking him. There’s a struggle between the two, Reiner getting the advantage momentarily as he rolls over on top. Eren’s fists are clenched around his big brother’s shirt, trying to shove him off him as he fights for breath. Unable to escape, he shoves a knee into Reiner’s groin, resulting in him loosening his death grip and clutching his abdomen in pain.

Eren takes this chance to pin him against the floor again, yelling out repeatedly, “Don’t fucking talk about her! Don’t fucking talk about her!”

A crowd of brothers surround them, yelling and cheering, rowdy from the scuffle occurring in front of them. Armin enlists Jean’s help, launching themselves into the crossfire to try to lift Eren off Reiner. Erwin and Levi break through and manage to drag a disheveled and slightly bloody Reiner away from Eren, who is still fighting to get his hands on him.

Once they are a safe distance away from each other, Erwin’s voice booms out, “What is the meaning of this?”

“Why are you two shits fighting?” Levi asks, glaring at them.

“He started it!” Reiner points at Eren, wiping the remaining blood off his mouth. “He’s fucking crazy!”

“Eren, explain yourself,” Erwin demands.

He remains silent, nostrils flaring as he breathes heavily, staring at Reiner with a ferocity overwhelming his body. With no response, Erwin sighs, frustrated. “Chapter room. Now.”

He picks up Reiner by his armpits until he’s standing on his own, shoving him towards the stairs. Levi approaches Armin, saying, “Come with us. I need you to keep an eye on Eren while we talk to Reiner in private.” Armin nods, agreeing to help.

They follow them to the chapter room, where Erwin and Reiner enter, leaving the rest in the hall. “Wait here,” Levi commands, disappearing into the room, shutting the door.

Eren slouches against the wall, burying his hands into his face, groaning. His head is heavy, the realization of what just occurred weighing him down. He stays like this for several minutes, almost forgetting that Armin is right beside him until he hears him speak, worry laced in his voice.

“Eren, what happened?” he asks, sitting right beside him. “Why did you do that?”

It takes a couple seconds for him to muster up the courage to reply to his friend. “Armin, I fucked up. Majorly fucked up. I’m a fuck up.”

Armin remains silent, listening and waiting.

“I lost it when he started talking about her. I just fucking lost it.”

Hesitant, Armin asks, “Is…is something going on with you two?”

Before he can answer, Reiner exits the room, avoiding their gaze as he quickly walks pass them and down the stairs. Shortly after, Levi appears in the hall, beckoning Eren inside.

“Wait for me downstairs. I will explain everything later. Please, Armin,” he begs, standing up to enter the chapter room.

Armin agrees, leaving Eren with Levi and Erwin to discuss his fate in the fraternity.

Inside, Levi directs Eren in a chair, facing the two seniors, who study him closely. The president is the first to speak. “Tell us why you hit Reiner.”

There’s a split second where he considers lying. Make up some bullshit excuse about how they were just messing around and it ended up going a little too far, leaving out any mention of the real reason. Continue being a coward and hide from the truth to protect whatever dwindling integrity he thinks he still has. However, he remembers the vow he made to himself just a few hours ago. No more lies, no more manipulation. It’s time that he’s honest. With her, with his friends. Most crucially, himself. He’s digging his way out of this ditch he recklessly buried himself in.

He takes a deep breath, trembling with residual adrenaline from the fight earlier. “He was talking shit about Sigma Nu Kappa. He’s always saying something disrespectful about them. Tonight, I got fed up and hit him.”

“What kind of disrespectful comments does he say?”

“Calls them losers. Ugly. He’ll insult them any chance he gets.”

“Has he been saying these things for a while now?”

“Yeah. Ever since the beginning of the semester. When we first partnered with them.”

Levi leans forward. “So why did you hit him tonight? What did he say that triggered you to react the way you did?”

He swallows hard. “He called my friend an ugly bitch. That’s when I really got upset.”

“Mikasa?”

“No,” Eren answers, then states her name.

This seems to surprise them. Levi sits back against his seat, seeming intrigued; Erwin’s brows relax as he states, “She’s the one you nominated for sweetheart.”

Eren nods. Levi, unable to help himself, blurts out, “She was Mike’s date to formal, right?”

He confirms this with another nod, the mention of formal causing him to tense up a bit. The night when everything came crashing down.

“What exactly did Reiner say about her?”

“Called her an ugly bitch,” he replies, feeling his skin tingle with anger again, recalling the conversation in his head.

“What would provoke him to call her that?” At this point, it sounds like Erwin and Levi are posing questions based on their own curiosity, rather than to investigate the incident. Either way, Eren continues to be completely candid, the truth flowing out of him naturally. In an odd way, it feels cathartic.

“He saw us kissing at formal,” he replies. “After I nominated her tonight, I guess he decided to confront me about it. This whole semester, he’s been telling me not to get with a Sigma Nu Kappa. Like it would be some disgrace or whatever. He’s a fucking asshole.”

“Wait, hold on. You kissed her?”

“Yes. We’ve been together for the past few months, hooking up in secret. Nobody knew.”

They pause on the interrogation for a minute, quietly absorbing all this information. Finally, Levi clears his throat, summarizing, “So, Reiner confronted you tonight about your secret relationship with the Sigma Nu Kappa, said some awful things about her because he’s a grade A asshole, and his disgusting comments provoked you to hit him. Is this accurate?”

Again, he nods. “I couldn’t stand around and let him talk about her like that. I care about her.” Admitting it out loud doesn’t scare him nearly as much as he thought it would. In fact, it doesn’t scare him at all.

Erwin says, “No matter how justified you think you were in doing that, violence is against our rules.”

Fearing what’s about to happen next, Eren murmurs, “Yeah, I get it.”

“It’s strictly against Alpha Tau’s code of conduct to strike another brother in anger. We do not condone violent behavior against one another, or anyone for that matter. We have no choice; we have to expel you from the organization.” In a more sympathetic tone, Erwin adds, “I’m sorry, Eren.”

His heart sinks. Another consequence of his rash decisions. He has to accept it. “What about Reiner?”

“We are investigating this further. Between you and me, he claims your violence against him was totally unprovoked and out of nowhere. Off the record, we don’t buy that. To be honest, he’s been on our radar for a while now. We’ve received several complaints from other brothers about his disrespectful behavior. Once we gather enough evidence against him, he too will be kicked out.”

Levi adds, “I know it seems unfair, Eren. I understand standing up for someone you care about. But rules are rules. Since we were just in deep shit with the Student Affairs Committee, this is the only way to deal with this without causing another big stink.”

“Yeah, I understand.” I fucked up, I deserve this.

“Off the record, why did you take that Delta Mu Pieck to formal instead of her?” Erwin shoots Levi a glare, which he responds with a roll of his eyes. “What? I said off the record.”

“Because I’m an asshole,” he replies. He could easily blame Reiner for influencing him the past few months. At the end of the day, Eren is the true culprit behind every one of his fucked-up decisions. It’s time that he finally takes accountability for it.

Levi lets out a small, disapproving hum, crossing his arms over his chest.

Eren adds, “If it’s any consolation, she ended it with me that same night. Not because I took Pieck, but because she had enough of my bullshit.”

Levi clicks his tongue. “Sounds like you deserved it.” There’s a hint of sympathy in voice when he suggests, “It’s never too late to apologize and make amends.”

“I’m afraid it is. For me, at least,” he comments, staring down at the hardwood floor.

“Well, it doesn’t hurt to try.” He clears his throat nervously, giving his last piece of advice to his now ex-brother. Erwin has a small smirk on his face, amused by Levi’s slight change in demeanor. “Anyways, come back later this week to drop off your pin and any letters you have. Sorry it has to be this way.”

Eren shrugs, saddened by the outcome, though not completely devastated. Definitely not in the same emotional state he’s been in the rest of the week. If someone had told him this a few months ago, even just last week before he got dumped, he probably would have thought this is the worst feeling ever. Now, there’s nothing worse than the dread in his heart, not knowing how to mend his relationship with her. Or the emptiness he feels in the midst of her absence.

He stands up and approaches the two seniors, placing an inverted fist over his chest. It’s their official fraternity salute. A final goodbye. They mimic him respectfully, Erwin adding, “Good luck, Eren.”

He slowly walks down the hallway out of the chapter room, taking it all in one last time. His fraternity career was short-lived, and he wasn’t the most outstanding Alpha Tau brother to ever exist. Still, he tries to savor it, knowing he’ll never experience it again.

If only he understood this feeling with her sooner. He would have never let her go.

Back downstairs, Eren finds Armin lounging on the couch in between Connie and Jean. When they see him, they all hop off and bombard him with comments, buzzing with excitement.

“Eren! Are you in trouble?”

“That was insane, man. You clocked that fucking bastard.”

“Reiner stormed out of here fucking pissed. It was glorious.”

Armin shushes the other two and repeats, “Are you in trouble? What did they say?”

Eren focuses his gaze at his feet, hands in his pockets. “They kicked me out.”

Connie and Jean groan as Armin’s eyes go round, almost in tears. “Oh, Eren.”

“Shit, dude. That’s fucked up,” Connie mutters, patting him on the back.

Eren shrugs. “I deserve it. Sorry guys.”

Jean surprisingly pats him on the back too. “Don’t apologize, man. I’m sure you had a valid reason for socking that asshole.”

To avoid the others from starting their own interrogation, Armin whispers, “Eren, let’s go get food at the dining hall before we head back to our room.”

Eren gets the hint and obliges, wanting to continue their conversation from earlier, privately. They bid farewell to Connie and Jean, then leave the house to head towards the cafeteria. He notices Armin send a quick text on his phone. “Mikasa is going to meet with us now, she’s just changing real quick.”

He nods, beyond thankful and appreciative to have his real friends there for him. All semester, he took them for granted, just as he did with her. What was he thinking these past few months?

Inside the dining hall, Armin sets a plate of fries for them to share as they wait for Mikasa to arrive. When she does, there’s a concerned look on her face as she rushes over to their table. “Is it true?”

“Yeah, it’s true. I’m no longer in Alpha Tau.”

“What?! Why?”

“I punched Reiner.”

“You what?”

He repeats himself, almost amused at Mikasa’s extreme reactions.

“Why? Why did you punch him?”

“I will explain everything. I need to preface this by saying this is my fault. None of the blame should fall on her.”

“Huh? Who are you talking about?”

Eren says her name. Armin doesn’t react, already somewhat aware of the situation from their brief conversation earlier. On the other hand, Mikasa’s face contorts into something between confusion and shock. She repeats her name. “My roommate? My sorority sister? What does this have to do with her?”

“We’ve been hooking up in secret for the past few months, ever since the first exchange. But I fucked up. I really fucked up.”

Before Mikasa goes haywire, Armin interjects calmly, “Start from the beginning, Eren.”

And so he does. Eren recalls the night of the exchange. His asshole behavior towards her initially, which he displayed in front of all their peers during that dumb Truth or Dare game. He leaves out the dirty details for the sanctity of his friends. In his own mind, he vividly remembers how the night ended, relishing the wanton moans escaping her luscious lips with every pump of his fingers. The sloppy and inexperienced blowjob she gave him to finish him off. The way he tried to initiate his fuck boy status by mentioning it would be a one-time thing, that he didn’t find her interesting enough to keep it going. It was the beginning of this beautiful disaster.

Armin and Mikasa interrupt him only to clarify a few details. For the most part, over the next half hour or so, they listen with intrigue as he goes through each of his disappointing choices. Shamefully confessing his depraved corruption kink to take her virginity. Intimidating her into keeping their budding relationship a secret. Denying her of any friendship outside of the bedroom. Refusing to even acknowledge her existence. Manipulating her into thinking the two of them would eventually evolve into something real, knowing all too well that he was too much of a coward to commit.

He relives their first time together. Grabbing her by the wrist at that party. Unconcerned about any prying eyes surrounding them, only focused on having her for himself. He’ll never regret being with her. He only wishes he made it more special. Something out of a romance instead of a dirty porno flick.

The day of the Sigma Nu Kappa’s bake sale, he tried his best to move on from her. Convinced he had his fill after their night of lust. He couldn’t get enough. He wanted her, and she wanted him. They started their little arrangement, their secret love affair. It was supposed to be no strings attached. They were using each other to fulfill their sexual desires, that was it. There’s no denying it evolved into something else.

He never meant for it to go this far. This is exactly what he feared. Every chance he could, he kept her at a distance. It seemed like no matter what he did though, they always found their way back to each other. He started to imagine how easy it would be to be together like a normal couple. Even fantasized about it, dreaming about spending their days hanging out with their friends, carefree and happy. He could never bring himself to make the right decisions to go this route. In typical Eren Jaeger fashion, he let his ego and cowardice lead him to destruction. And just as he was ready to turn it all around, it was too late. She walked out of his life for good.

He was so afraid of falling in love. Afraid of being vulnerable and letting her into his life. He was so scared to take that leap of faith, that he deprived himself of any chance at it, thinking he was protecting himself from getting hurt. Ironically, he’s hurt anyways, knowing what they could have been and how he ruined it.

All he wants is for them not to be two worlds apart, as ex-lovers so often end up. He wants to exist in her universe as much as she’ll allow him to. Whether it’s as an acquaintance, or better yet, as a friend. Anything is better than being a ghost of her past that haunts her.

It would be unfair to ask her to forgive and forget. Rather, he wants to be forgiven and he wants to atone. He may never be able to make up for the pain he caused her; he’ll spend whatever time she’ll give him trying to.

They can’t go back and change the past. Maybe now, they can rewrite their story with an alternate ending. One where they’re both happy, whether they’re together or apart. All he wants is for her to be happy. He wants that more than anything. And if that means living in her life as a background character, so be it. She deserves a fairytale ending that sparks a love so pure and real. One they almost ignited themselves.

His friends listen to him as he laments on his dilemma. Armin, who sits next to him, consoles him by rubbing his back soothingly. Across the table, Mikasa observes him with her arms over her chest, processing all of the information he’s shared. Her expression remains neutral, which unsettles Eren just as much as her angry look does.

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to fix this,” he says, seeking advice.

“Have you tried apologizing to her?” Armin suggests.

“I tried to talk to her the morning after, but I couldn’t. And she blocked my number, so I can’t get a hold of her any other way.”

Mikasa leans forward on the table. “Do you think you would have been able to tell her what you just told us if you did get the chance to talk to her that morning?”

Eren ponders this for several seconds. Sure, he was desperate to talk to her after what transpired, but his mind was a jumbled mess. He’s not even sure what he would have said to her. It might have made things worse. Now, with an entire week to contemplate, he feels like he has more clarity than he ever has. He’s no longer afraid to speak the truth, to be vulnerable. He wants to tell her everything. No more holding back.

“I don’t think so,” he answers. “But I think I can now. I’m not expecting her to take me back or even forgive me. I just don’t want it to end this way, with her thinking I don’t care about her. I don’t want her to move on with her life thinking that what we had meant nothing.”

She stares at him silently, deliberating. Sighing, she finally says, “Okay.”

Confused, Eren breathes out, “What?”

“I’ll help you.”

His mouth hangs open, surprised at her proposition.

She explains, “I’ll admit, I’m pretty pissed about this whole situation. I can’t believe you would do this, Eren. Even with her, I’m shocked. She didn’t say anything to me, even before you agreed to keep it all a secret. Maybe she was scared with how I would react…” She trails off, getting momentarily lost in her thoughts.

Armin chimes in, “We all have our reasons for keeping secrets.”

“I just wish either of you would have told me or Armin. We could have salvaged whatever fucked up situation you got yourselves into. Instead of going to us, you chose to listen to that idiot Reiner. What were you thinking?”

He shakes his head. “I wasn’t, obviously.”

“I’m disappointed in you. How could you treat someone like that? I’m disappointed in her too for allowing herself to be treated like that. Still, I’m willing to help fix this. Only if you’re genuine about wanting to.”

“I am. I promise you I am. I’ve made a lot of empty promises with her, but this time, I truly mean it,” Eren urges.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

He gulps nervously. “Seriously? Right now? You’ll help me?”

“Yes. No turning back. If you really want to do this, let’s do it now.”

He thinks for a moment, then responds, “Right. Let’s go.”

They walk out of dining hall to head over to Mikasa’s dorm room. Armin heads in the other direction. Before they part ways, Eren says, “Hey. Thank you. Both of you. I’m sorry. I wish this semester turned out differently.”

Armin gives him a small smile. “We all make mistakes. I’m just glad you’re willing to learn from them.”

With that, Eren follows Mikasa, his heart on his sleeve, ready to face her.

~~~

Eren got kicked out of Alpha Tau.

Mikasa’s words, combined with the grim expression on her face, lingers on your mind as you stare blankly in front of you, stunned.

There’s no logical explanation you can come up with that would lead to this. What could he have possibly done to warrant getting kicked out? It must have been a serious offense. Even with everything that’s occurred between you two, it’s hard to imagine him doing something atrocious enough to be punished like this.

During your short-lived fling, he was never intentionally malicious. His downfall was his overinflated ego and selfishness. You don’t believe it in your heart that he truly wanted to hurt you, not on purpose anyways. It could have been his big ego that blinded him from the destruction left in his path, until it crumbled beneath him. His behavior post break-up, if you can even call it that, caught you off guard. You didn’t expect him to plead with you just to speak with him. The guilt really must be eating away at him.

You snap yourself out of your thoughts and try to focus back onto your laptop. Earlier this week, you made a vow to yourself that you would move on. To do that, you have to stop thinking about him, stop worrying about him. You’ve been able to distract yourself so far by hanging out with your sisters and focusing on your studies. Every so often, there will be small fragments in your daily life where he sneaks back into your mind. With all of it being fresh in your memory, you forgive yourself for it. Over time, you hope to forget about him completely.

You spend the next hour watching Netflix on your computer, subconsciously waiting for Mikasa’s return so you can get the scoop about Eren. When it’s almost 11 o’clock, you get out of bed to clear up some clutter on your desk. You’re facing away when you hear the familiar jingle of keys and the door creak open. Smirking to yourself, excited and nervous to hear the latest update, you keep your back turned, still rummaging through your messy stack of notes.

“This better be good, Mikasa,” you tease, turning to face her. To your surprise, it’s Eren standing before you.

“Hi,” he greets. His hair is down. You don’t remember ever seeing him with his hair like this. It’s a different look for him. He seems vulnerable.

You stand up straight, stepping back defensively. “What are you doing here?”

“Mikasa let me in. She’s just outside,” he explains.

“Mikasa…? Does that mean – ”

“Yeah. She knows. I told her. About everything.”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“I told her about us.” He bites his lower lip, waiting for a response. It’s not the same intensity in those green eyes you’re so used to seeing. He gazes at you softly, cautiously. Afraid to come off too strong or too aggressive. He leans against the door, aware that he’s in your personal space, not wanting to encroach it any farther.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I need to be honest with everyone. Especially with you.” It looks like he’s about to take a step forward, but doesn’t, standing in place. “I don’t know if you heard already. I got kicked out of Alpha Tau.”

“Mikasa mentioned it before she left. What happened?”

“I punched Reiner,” he answers. You take in a sharp breath, trying to reel in the large gasp you almost let out. He punched Reiner?!

He continues, staring down at the ground. “He saw us kissing at formal and confronted me about it. Said some awful things about you. So, I hit him.”

It takes you a few seconds to process all of what he says. “Reiner…?”

“Trust me, he deserved it. I should have done that a long time ago.”

“Still, why would you hit him?”

He lifts his head up to look directly at you. “Because I care about you. And I wasn’t going to let him get away with saying all that stupid shit. Not anymore.”

“You…care about me?”

“Yeah, I do,” he confesses. “I care about you a lot.”

There’s a brief moment of silence as you relax in front of him, the tension lessening in the small space between you two. A tiny part of you wants to close the distance; you resist the urge.

“What about Alpha Tau?” you ask. “You must be pretty upset about that.”

“I don’t care. All I care about is that you and me okay.”

You stay silent, unsure how to respond.

He fills the silence by starting, “I’m sorry. Sorry for hurting you, for making you feel ashamed and worthless. No person should ever make you feel like that. I’m so sorry it was me.”

He keeps his gaze on you. “I’ve been an asshole to you. I know that. I led you on, I toyed with your emotions. I was selfish and immature. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. Still, there’s no excuse.”

You swallow hard, taken aback by his apology. You’ve gotten used to him saying whatever he can to get his way. This time, however, it sounds sincere. Especially with the way he looks at you.

“I have plenty of regrets about what I did to you. But I don’t regret being with you. Not for one second. And I know my word means nothing. I know I’ve lost your trust completely. I’ve made too many empty promises. But if there’s one that you can believe, let it be this one. I won’t put you through that again. I swear on my life.”

He hesitates, taking a small step forward. “If it never works out between us, that’s okay. I’ll have to live with that. But I just want you in my life. As an acquaintance. Maybe one day, as a friend, if you’ll let me. There’s just something about us that I’m not ready to say goodbye to yet.”

You let his words sink in, your heart pounding through your chest you’re convinced he can hear it, “Eren, I don’t know.”

“I don’t expect you to forgive me yet. And I’m not asking you to take me back. I just want a do-over or something.”

“A do-over?”

“Yeah. Meet me for who I really am, and not whoever that asshole was throughout this whole semester. I’m leaving that fucking prick behind and never looking back. It’s really me now.”

“We can’t just forget and move on like nothing happened,” you tell him. If only life was this simple.

“I know we can’t. I’m not asking you to forget. You can hold it against me for as long as you want. All I’m asking for is a chance to redeem myself. I don’t know what exactly I have to do yet to earn back your trust. But I think starting from the beginning is a small step, right?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“So, let’s do it properly.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, perplexed by his statement. “What do you mean?”

He holds out his hand to you. “Hi. I’m Eren Jaeger. I’m a sophomore studying pre-law. I’m from Shiganshina District, born and raised. I like the ocean, Jaeger-bombs of course, and listening to rain pitter patter against the window.”

You take his hand in yours, reciting your own introduction back to him in a similar format. He smiles at you, eyes lighting up as you hold onto each other for a few seconds longer than necessary. Cherishing the feeling of his skin on yours, gazing at each other affectionately. It feels like the first time you’re actually seeing each other.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he says, still smiling.

“You too.”

He loosens his grip but doesn’t pull away, letting you be the one to drop his hand. Rubbing the back of his neck nervously, he chuckles, “I should probably go before Mikasa starts scolding me again.”

“Yikes. I guess I should prepare myself, right?” you joke, grinning at him. It feels natural. Relaxed.

“Yeah, I’m sure she has a lot to say to you.” His eyes twinkle at you. “Thank you. I’ll see you around, okay?”

You nod at him as he gives you a small wave, turning the handle to leave. You hear him whisper something to Mikasa, who walks into the room, shutting the door. She stares at you with a curious expression. You’re nervous she’s about to kick your ass for lying to her for the past few months. Instead, she asks, “Are you okay?”

You let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“I’m not going to yell at you. Not tonight, at least.”

You don’t respond, guilty about deceiving your roommate and closest friend.

“But I’m proud of you,” she says. “Even though you kept this from me the entire time, I’m proud of the way you handled it. Really proud.”

She steps forward, holding her arms out in an embrace. You let yourself be enveloped in her warmth, feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. No more sneaking around, no more lies, everything out in the open. As it should be.

Instead of dwelling on the past, you’ll move forward, stronger and smarter than you were before. You’ll always remember the excitement of being with him. The passion, the heat. The rush. The little moments where you felt that spark. It’s the exhilaration from these memories that you’ll store away fondly in your heart. And while the painful memories may linger in your mind indefinitely, you won’t use it as a weapon against him. It’ll be a reminder of how you were able to learn from your mistakes. A valuable lesson in self-worth.

You’re unsure what the future holds for you and Eren. No matter how far out of his orbit you are, somehow you still find yourself gravitating towards him. This time, it’ll be different. You’re not the same naïve girl you were at the start of the semester. All your decisions will be on your own terms, not somebody else’s. It’s possible that one day, you’ll learn to like each other as friends. There’s so much you don’t know about him, and there’s plenty he doesn’t know about you. You both deserve a love that goes beyond the surface, one where it feels like your souls are at home with each other. Comfortable, safe, everlasting. Maybe eventually, you can find that type of love with each other. Or maybe it’s truly not meant to be. For now, you’ll let your story play out how the universe writes it, one chapter at a time.

----------

Tag List:

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hangingslothcentral · 2 years

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another rec list for those of you seeking more audio drama for your ears!! this one is made up of audio dramas that made me want to make audio dramas, and which i reference in the show I make.

The White Vault still holds the title for the only show to ever make me yelp in terror. I fell asleep in the middle of an episode and woke up at the worst possible moment. This show has spectacular writing and performance and is definitely one for those people who find the vast expanse of nothingness at the poles of our planet equally fascinating and terrifying. This show has some queer rep but it's very quiet; everyone is too busy shitting their pants to talk much about their personal lives most of the time. There are five seasons, each with something unique to offer, and it reached it's spectacular conclusion earlier this year. It's available across platforms.

Limetown begins as a sort of fake true-crime documentary about the titular Limetown. If you like your horror with a side of conspiracy, this is the show for you. It's short at just two seasons, and fun fact: I accidentally listened to season two before I listened to season one and had a very wild time. I have since listened to it beginning to end and yes it did make more sense in order. I cannot recall whether it had any queer rep. It also had a facebook visual adaptation, but I have never watched it so I cannot comment on its quality. This show has been around for some time, but it's still a gem, and you can find it wherever you listen to podcasts.

Welcome to Night Vale, a true titan of the audio fiction space, Night Vale has had an influence on so many newer shows that you can feel its echoes everywhere. Queer at heart, and offering a soft, mundane sort of horror, for me what makes Night Vale special is the way that it highlights one of the most terrifying traits of the human race; our capacity to get used to pretty much anything and accept it as ordinary. After ten years, the show is still going, and has over two hundred episodes. You can listen beginning to where the story has reached so far, or take a more eclectic approach and dip in and out as you please. Both listening methods have something to offer. I've listened to Night Vale on and off since about six months after it originally started airing, and it's available in all the places you might expect to find it.

The Magnus Archives, another giant of the audio fiction space, much beloved by many listeners and inspiration for countless fanworks still despite the fact the show has now finished. The show begins as an anthology of horror stories told as reports of sinister happenings to the Magnus Institute, but quickly it becomes much more. The show is a shining example of what can be done with the framing device of a character sitting down and recording himself in semi-private. By the end of its run, the show accumulates a fair amount of queer representation, and all five seasons of the show are available across platforms, ending at the spectacular MAG 200.

I Am In Eskew. I love a story about a world just out of sight. This show has an abundance of subtle weird horror done right, shot through with more straight-forward horrors. It moves slowly, the horrors at hand growing and changing as you listen. There's a quiet calm to the delivery throughout this show which really emphasises the strangeness of the story. The folks who made this show went on to create the Silt Verses, which is another absolutely spectacular ride. It's a fun, unsettling time, and a complete story you can find wherever you listen to podcasts.

The ways these shows influenced the way I made @spiritboxradio are massive. I spent a lot of time thinking about what I loved about each of them and learning what I could about how each of them is put together. There are references to them all scattered through the show, but most frequently I end up making references to the Magnus Archives, mostly because I had severe TMA brainrot at the time of the show's conception in August 2020. It cannot be helped. If you end up tuning into the show, I shall answer you in advance: yes the Tim thing is deliberate, and so are the other the ones. Have fun reference spotting!!

#tma #the magnus archives #wtnv #welcome to night vale #the white vault #twv #i am in eskew #limetown #the silt verses #tsv #horror audio drama #audio drama #podcast #pod rec #podcast recommendations #recommendations #spirit box radio #sbr

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restinslices · 3 months

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Would u be down doing earth realm boys or Lin Kuei boys doing karaoke? U can write whoever you want first

It is currently 9:32am and I have not been to sleep since 6pm yesterday. I feel delusional. If something doesn’t make sense, blame that.

Moving on-

I’m joking but Bi-Han gives me the vibes that he only moves his arm during Just Dance and complains because “it only tracks your arm! You don't have to do anything else!”

That's not the point. Have some fun and bust a move

If you beg enough, he just might crack depending on the day

Thing is though, he's not really speaking. He's just saying the lyrics

Y'all are also not doing this in public. This is something y'all would do at home with a youtube video in the back

You're singing your heart out (even if you can't sing) and he's literally just speaking

You: SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS ALL THE TIME, I TRY TO CAPTURE EVERY MINUUUUTTTEEE ♫ 💃🏾

Him: The feeling in it😐

Honestly idk why you'd even wanna karaoke with him

Telling him he's killing the vibe won't work either. He's either doing it his way or not at all

He's also picky when it comes to songs

Prefers slower songs

Which is wild because like?? You're hardly participating

A short karaoke session. Only does a few songs or one long one

Only long song I can think of rn is American Pie

And he'd pick that one specifically so he can be one and done

Also probably picks random ass sad songs. Bi-Han I do not wanna hear that right now

He says he doesn't like it but gets offended if you ask Kuai Liang or Tomas instead of him. He wants to be asked and say no. Don't just ask them

Give him a little performance. He'll roll his eyes but if you don't then he'll think something is wrong

Prefers karaoke with just you two. I know I said private beforehand but he means it. Just you two alone in a room. He refuses to do his lackluster ass singing in front of people

However, if his mood is better than it usually is, you could talk your way into letting his brothers join. Especially if you promise he won't have to sing as much

Yes on occasions

It's not frequent but that's just because he's busy. Not because he doesn't like it

Idk if he can sing and I'm not getting a certain vibe but he'll do it anyway

Cannot do any fast songs or faster parts because he'll have an aneurism

Pulls out the most random old song his father showed him when he was younger

Likes duets because he can sing lower than you, so he's still participating but can't be heard

Not a short session but not necessarily long. He just gets tired at some point

Will gladly listen to you though. Even if your voice is straight ass

It's bonding so it's fine and you're happy

Also does it privately but for different reasons. Bi-Han is “I refuse to let anyone hear this”, and Kuai Liang is “no one should have to suffer and hear this”

Also idk how often they leave their home for casual shit so going to an actual karaoke place is foreign to him

Probably likes love songs as well

Giving him or Tomas a mini concern will result in lots of laughter even if he tries to hide it at first

He's not singing his heart out but he's not just saying the lyrics. He's doing a decent job

Enjoys listening to you more than he enjoys actually singing because of how expressive you are

He'll never turn down free entertainment

Idk why but I feel like he'd wanna sit by you while doing karaoke or have you sit on his lap

I just imagine it's really cute and the karaoke video is playing on your phone while cuddled next to him

Idk, maybe I'm just a simp for him

I just think he's a little romantic at heart fr. Singing stupid ass corny shit while being close

Sometimes it'd be spur of the moment. If you start, he'd listen

It's an activity he’d be down for every once in awhile

Willing to do karaoke the most often

Probably feels bad for being busy so when he's not he's like “yeah totally”

The one brother to not do only slow songs

I think he also will have an aneurism if he tries to do faster parts of a song

But he can sing songs at a so called normal pace

Invites his brothers to join

Probably invites the Earthrealm champions and Syzoth too. It's turning into a party

He hardly does anything fun so he's taking advantage of this

Is probably also cuddled next to you

It's disgusting to everyone else

Tomas either has a very heavenly voice or a voice that would frighten the most vicious monster

Either way, he's hitting a high note

I don't think he's been to a karaoke place either so it's probably not there

It honestly could be at Johnny's place. Johnny didn't kick his ass so he doesn't feel rage in his heart when he sees him

I think he's a pop girlie

Enjoys karaoke because it brings everyone together and it's an activity that won't cause some sort of trauma or death

Hopefully

Maybe

He's isolated and bored all the time

I don't think it's frequent because his schedule but if you want to and he's free then he's down

Also cool with private karaoke between the two of you

Doesn't necessarily have a preference

Probably doesn't have a favorite song either. It changes depending on the day

I have not been able to sleep properly since last week or so. I’m losing my grip on reality 😀

#mk1 #mk1 2023 #mortal kombat 1 #bi han sub zero #bi han #kuai liang #kuai liang scorpion #tomas vrbada smoke #tomas vrbada #bi han headcanons #kuai liang headcanons #tomas vrbada headcanons #mk1 headcanons

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chrisbitchtree · 10 months

Text

When it had first been announced that Heather was the new manager of the Hawkins Community Pool, Billy had been excited and proud. She put in a lot of hard work, and actually gave a shit about the safety of their patrons, unlike their previous manager, Kevin, who spent all of his time avoiding work and getting high in the storage shed out back.

That excitement had last all of about a week, before she started actually enforcing the rules. Right now, she had him in her office, which was really just a rickety desk shoved in the corner of the equipment room. She’d taped a rectangle around the area to show the parameters. Billy rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

“This is your third one this week, Hargrove. If you don’t stop it, I’m going to write you up and send you home.” She said, folding her hands on the top of the desk and giving him a scathing look.

Billy could feel his face heating up. “It’s not my fault, Heather! I can’t help what my body does!”

“You may not be able to help it, but your little boyfriend can help dressing like a whore in your workplace!”

Billy had no retort for that. While he did object to Heather calling Steve a whore, or saying that he dressed like one, or whatever, Billy couldn’t deny that Steve’s outfits were starting to veer into what one might call publicly indecent territory.

His latest new purchase, a tiny pair of aqua short shorts that if Billy had to guess, he’d say had a one inch inseam, had been driving him wild.

Steve would camp out in the mornings that Billy worked on a pool lounger, ass up and on display, and he’d lay there until Billy couldn’t ignore the temptation anymore, making his way over to ask if Steve needed help applying sunscreen to his back.

And ok, maybe his fingers had dipped below the waistband of Steve’s shorts a couple times, in full view of the pool patrons, and maybe he’d had to sit in Heather’s “office” until he’d cooled down, but it was innocent fun, right?

The citation she wrote him for having a public erection two days later said otherwise. Word made its way around the staff quickly, until Billy was being called Boner Boy by lunch. Heather didn’t even have to send him home, he clocked out early, at 2, feigning heat stroke.

But the docked pay was worth it to finally get his hands all the way down Steve’s shorts, on the deck of his own private pool later that afternoon.

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #billy x steve #harringrove ficlet #chrisbitchtree writes

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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AITA for keeping tabs on an ex friend?

So basically, years ago there was this huge split in my friend group. It was over some dumb bullshit, not really relevant. One of these friends (ill call them Kate) was particularly bitter.

A little while later, once we were adults, a friend (lets call them Ron) broke up with their toxic bf (lets call him Vince)

Flashforward a few months, and now Vince and Kate are dating and living together. They start to stalk us online and in real life, even so far as to take a picture of Ron at an event we all happened to be at. I should mention that Vince is well known for holding intense grudges and doing absolutely wild things like writing extremely inflammatory posts about them, contacting ppl theyre associated to claim they're bad people, trying to report fake fire-able offenses to people's work, etc etc

So, understandably, everyone is really scared in my friend group that Kate and Vince are planning something. Like some kind of plot to try and ruin our lives. It sounds dramatic, but we've witnessed the lengths that Vince will go to doctor screenshots and events before. It's landed in other people's detriment - loss of work, friends, partners, etc.

Here's where I could be TA.

Kate has a private acc that they let a lot of people into. It's not super super private, has like 70 followers, and it's really only locked so they can vet people and avoid bot followers. So I may have made a bit of a ghost account to follow it. My logic behind this is that I know they have a history of posting the shit they plan to do on their locked acc. My reasoning is just that I check in every so often to make sure they aren't still following us around in real life or planning to try and get us fired.

They're moving away next year and because they won't be in close proximity anymore, I intend to delete the acc then. But I understand that this might be stalkerish behavior so I just want to get the unbiased opinion here.

TL:DR; a couple of ex friends tend to stalk ppl so I followed their private accs to make sure they aren't stalking me

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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ghostieboi1 · 9 months

Text

Papas and Pets

Papas I, II, III, IV

Summary: The types of pets the Papas would have and what kind of "animal dad" they'd be. (I was writing this while my cat was napping on me, he's very sweet 🥹)

Genres: Headcanons and fluff.

Warnings: Nothing other than tooth rotting fluff, all gifs are not mine

Primo

Bird dad.

It's pretty simple logic, he's out in the gardens a lot more after retiring from being Papa and where do you constantly see birds? In gardens.

He's also fond of animals that aren't quite domesticated like opossums or raccoons but absolutely adores birds.

Any bird works for him but he has a particular fondness of owls, he has one in his room that's allowed to fly around freely most of the time.

That same owl can be seen wherever he's allowed to take it, whether it be on his shoulder or flying around him in a room.

He prides himself in being able to tame wild birds since it seems he's the only one in the Ministry that can, he calls himself the bird whisperer.

He's also the one you go to if a bird accidentally flew into one of the rooms in the Ministry because he'll wait until the bird lands near him then picks it up like it's just a rock or something and bring it outside.

For those cultured out there, you know that scene in Shrek 2 where Snow White sends those birds to attack those tree guard dudes? If he had to, Primo would probably be able to do it too.

Secondo

Snake dad.

I feel like he's also kinda snake coded, the vast majority of people are afraid of him because he looks scary but then there's the few that love him to death (me) and see he's just a silly man.

He's known for scaring anyone that openly talks shit about him with one of his pet snakes, so most people keep their opinions on him in private.

The first snake he had was when he was younger and Primo freaked out a little after a snake hissed at him and Secondo just picked it up was like "I'm keeping him and his name will be Tommy."

And since then he's always had at least one pet snake around, he started naming them after fictional characters that were often associated with snakes, including naming one of them Slytherin.

He can and will make the "May I take your jacket, sir/ma'am?" joke when one of his snakes sheds their skin.

Let's his snake mostly free roam his room when he's in the room as well so if he thinks they might get stuck or hurt, he's there to prevent it from happening.

Terzo

Cat dad.

This man LOVES cats, and he will openly cry if he sees anything where a cat is hurt or in danger even if it's fictional.

His favorite are black cats, mostly because he's sad they aren't shown enough love and because they seem to be the nicest cats.

He's also tried finding almost completely wild cats to adopt because he finds them absolutely beautiful.

Both Sister Imperator and Nihil have found him walking relatively fast in the Ministry's hallways late at night holding his jacket closed and stopped to ask him what he was doing and every time, without fail, the cat he was trying to hide meowed.

If he wasn't living in the Ministry, he'd be the crazy cat lady down the road that would even feed the stray cats his house couldn't hold.

COVERED in cat hair and cat scratches/bites all the time, it's impossible for him to get rid of them.

He's the "I found this cat malnourished in a garbage dumpster and I brought him here and he's my baby now" cat dad.

Copia

Well, we can all guess what animal dad he is; Rat dad.

He used to be afraid of them but then he became fascinated with them and the rest is history.

Most people don't know about his pet rats so when they visit him in his office or room they get startled by them and maybe scream as Copia is just sitting at his desk/on his bed like "No! No! It's okay! It's okay!"

Similar to Terzo, he smuggled rats and would get caught by Sister Imperator every time.

Definitely gives his rats weird names like "Ratty Fatty" or some shit like that.

Also makes his rats fly when he wants to, but most of the time his rats will be napping somewhere on him.

Refers to his rats as his kids so when new Siblings of Sin join, they think he means actually children until they meet his rats.

Baby talks to his rats 24/7, and teaches his rats tricks when he's bored.

#the band ghost #papa emeritus i #papa primo #papa emeritus ii #papa secondo #papa emeritus iii #papa terzo #papa emeritus iv #papa copia #sister imperator #papa nihil

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tulip-simp-artist · 10 months

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Too Hot (Cove x Riley)(NSFW)

It's a hot day in Sunset Bird and Cove is a bit bored in the heat. A text and picture from his boyfriend gets him more worked up than it should.

I use they/them pronouns for Riley in this. Takes place during Step 3, so both are 18. You could probably replace Riley's name with your MC's if you want to read to that way.

Warning(s): Idk, Cove masturbating...

Word Count: 1169 (hehehe)

Cove starred up at the ceiling from his spread out position on his bed, which had been stripped of all its blankets. It was far too hot and stuffy to even question laying on the blankets; nevermind being under the blankets. Groaning to himself, Cove reached for his phone. Time was passing slowly and he didn’t have work today either.

On his phone, there were few messages from Miranda and Terri in the group chat. Reading through a few of them, it didn’t seem like anything Cove needed to respond to immediately. He moved on to his private messages with Riley, smiling to himself just seeing Riley’s name in his contacts. He typed up a quick message to his boyfriend. Cove was bored and text was probably the only thing that didn’t feel so exhausting.

Cove: Hey, what are you up to?

Cove: If you’re up to anything given this heat

Luckily, Cove didn’t wait long for Riley to respond and his face lit up at seeing those three dots.

Riley: Eh– 🤷

Riley: Yeah I’m not doing much here. Just laying in bed reading

No surprises there, that’s always what Riley does on overly hot days. Cove started typing to ask what his boyfriend was reading this time around, only to stop when Riley sent a picture. Cove smiled and felt his heart flutter as he looked at the selfie of Riley. Sure, there was nothing different about this picture than any other picture he had of them. Still it made Cove happy.

Though Cove did take notice of something… off? The fabric of their chest didn’t have connecting sleeves, leaving Riley’s neck and shoulders bare except for a necklace. The fabric also reminded Cove more of a blanket than any shirt or dress Riley owned. He ultimately concluded that it was Riley’s blanket.

Cove: I know you like layers, but isn’t it a bit warm for a blanket?

It was mostly a teasing text, though if Riley seriously thought they needed a blanket in this heat….

Riley: Hahaha very funny Cove

Riley: It is too hot, to the point I took off my shirt a while ago. Figured sending you a picture of my tits without warming might not go well lol

Rereading that message for the third time, Cove’s mind continued to wander into dangerous territory. He didn’t need a mirror to know how red his face was at that moment. The only conclusion he came to was that right now his boyfriend was shirtless. Being so caught up in his head, Cove nearly missed Riley’s next texts.

Riley: Oh–

Riley: Shit, I’m so sorry Cove

Riley: I didn’t think before sending that!

Riley: Just uh– ignore I said anything

How can he ignore that now?! If he thought it was hot in his room before— well, now he might as well die from the heat. The strain in his pants wasn’t helping. Cove knew he shouldn’t be thinking of Riley like this… it’s rude? Maybe? Creepy was probably a better descriptive. But he couldn’t help it! His dick had a mind of its own and his own brain was fried from the heat and this new knowledge Riley accidentally gave him.

Riley: I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable Cove

Riley: That was NOT my intention 😢

He wasn’t uncomfortable— well his erection paired with the heat— but that probably was not what his boyfriend was referring to. Cove shakenly held his phone trying to type out a message to calm Riley’s anxiety.

Cove: No–

Cove: I mean I’m good

Cove: Just a little… stunned?

Cove turned off his phone and tossed it to the other end of his bed. He– he needed a minute. To decide what to do. This erection wasn’t going anywhere if he did nothing, especially if he thought kept running wild like this. Cove knew his dad wasn’t home, and wouldn’t be home for a few hours. That’d be more than enough time for him to deal with… his problem.

Cove sighed as he resigned himself to his new fate. Because he was not going to walk around with his body all worked up over WORDS! Riley hadn’t even actually sent him a picture of their breast and he was still all worked up. The more he thought about it, the more embarrassed he was over his own reaction.

Frustrated, Cove pulled down his shorts and underwear enough to release his dick from the confines of his clothes. It stood fully erect and painfully hard. He groaned and questioned mentally if he was really going to do this… if he was being honest he’d definitely masturbated before. He just usually tried to keep Riley out of his direct thoughts when he did. (he didn’t usually succeed, but he was trying!)

His hands shook and felt so sweaty as he grabbed the base of dick. A breathy moan left his lips as he started up slow strokes. Cove didn’t expect it to feel better than any other time he did this? He wasn’t doing anything different… except thinking of his boyfriend in the most deplorable ways he could. What would Riley think if they knew what Cove was doing?

He didn’t hold in any of his moans as used his thumb to rub his tip and started spreading the precum down the side of his dick. Without much thought, Cove’s hand moved a bit faster; the other gripped the one piece of fabric still on his bed, his sheets. Cove through the side of his face into his pillows as he gripped his aching dick a bit harder. His mind wondered what it would feel like to lay his face on Riley’s breast…. He felt guilt of thinking like that, but also undeniable pleasure at the thought. His dick twitched as Cove thought more and more about his boyfriend’s breast.

He felt a moment of shame as he got closer to his orgasm, but he didn’t let it stop him. A few more frantic, quick, strokes and several moans in between, and Cove reached the needed climax. Cumming over his chest/shirt that had rid up as he had been jacking off. Groaning once more, he buried his face back into his pillows; not caring how sweaty he was or the heat in the room. The embarrassment was too much and he decided to lay there for a few more moments before he’d start cleaning himself up.

Cove knew he likely wouldn’t be looking Riley in the eyes for days. Maybe he should pick up a few more shifts at work to avoid them easier. Less he die of guilt and embarrassment on the spot. Bonus: Riley curled up on their side as they kept replaying what they texted Cove. They truly didn’t mean to admit that. The blanket being the whole point to avoid telling Cove it. Yet here they had fucked that up and contemplated throwing their phone at the wall; as if that would erase the evidence.

#my writing #our life: beginnings & always #our life #cove holden #cove our life #art jules writes #our life oc #olba cove #olba #olba mc #cove x riley #riley adams #gb patch games #gb patch #cove holden smut

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akane-kurokawa · 11 hours

Text

Chapter 149 thoughts!

We’re picking up where we left off!!! Is it sad that that’s enough reason to be excited? Claire had put the fear of it off screening the rest of the convo in me (see my tags on her chapter review from last week for reference)

Poor Kana, I can get why she’s so unsure, she is really trying to piece together what’s in Aqua’s head from like, a collection of mixed messages tbh

Very funny line coming from Akane

Oh this might be the most important line in the chapter to me, mostly because it supports my insane rambling theories and analysis. I have a LOT of thoughts on Akane’s relationship with Ai from the point of view of someone who has spend a lot of time trying to think inside Ai’s head. But that’ll wait for when I actually finish my big analysis essay.

Gay gay gay gay! I love that they’ve gone from open hostility with silent admiration to admitting how great the other is. I REALLY hope they can be friends by the end of the series, they have the most important relationship to me.

Akane is such a firm supporter of Kana and her dreams, I like that she gets angry when Kana tries to step back and give what she wants to someone else, it’s a good parallel to her frustration with Kana in Tokyo Blade

Wild Kana Fled!

I’m a bit disappointed that Akane didn’t tell her the truth of what was going on with Aqua but I didn’t really expect her to. Kana not knowing shit is a big part of the status quo that I can’t see being upset lightly.

AAAAAAA AKANE UNHINGED BITCH KUROKAWA IS BACK I LOVE HER.

It’s so great to have a driving button pusher again, she’s not content to let a scene happen and be forgotten, she’s exactly what this story needs! Follow up! LOVE her just showing up at her house, she’s getting less normal by the day and I love her for it.

Akane considering that Aqua won’t let the people important to him in on his plans hurts a little, she has such an insecure view of her relationship with Aqua, unsurprising given her insecurities during the relationship as well as the breakup.

It’s sad to me that both of them are insecure as to where they stand with Aqua tbh, probably because of all the hot and cold games he’s played with them (not usually intentionally, but it’s not like he communicates intention) Like Aqua could have had romantic feelings for Akane and he DOES have them for Kana

This makes a lot of sense to me. Kana and Aqua are two people elevated to Akane both in terms of the pedestals she puts them on (the savior who was there for her during MyLove and the reason she started acting in the first place) while also being people she loves. With Akane’s fan-like perspective, it’s unsurprising that she has privately decided what’s best for both of them and plans to make it happen.

She is spiraling out of control lmao and I’m not sure if it’ll be seriously addressed or just accepted as an evolution of her character but it’s fascinating either way.

I almost forgot Aqua’s a celebrity lmao, we haven’t really talked about fame in a while.

I know Akane’s going to get a lot of flak for seemingly just going “oh Aqua needs a woman to fix him” but I don’t really know if that’s what she’s doing. From her conversation with him last chapter, we can see that Akane had a pretty good insight into what’s important for Aqua and that’s his bonds. So important, in fact, that he specifically tried to sever them in preparation for his revenge.

To me, it seems like Akane is trying to build for Aqua that he can’t easily sever like hers, and won’t push him in a detrimental direction (like hers AND Ruby’s rn tbh) to force him to see the potential consequences to his actions that he likes to ignore.

Aqua doesn’t want people to miss him when he’s gone, he doesn’t want to hurt others, which is why Akane tries to keep reinforcing how much people care about and would miss him. I don’t think she’s necessarily expecting to fix him, but rather she sees he’s conflicting and is trying to put pressure on that conflict.

Is it a good idea? No probably not, but I think it’s in line with her character and it’ll be interesting to see how it plays out.

Overall a great chapter imo, especially for Akane. I’m a big fan of the character (hence my name on here) but even I’d been strongly questioning if Akasaka had a direction for her character at this point, and considered that maybe he should’ve killed her off at the fakeout if there was nothing more to do with her.

And I don’t COMPLETELY take that back tbh, her stalking Hikaru and keeping an eye on Aqua are both not really adequate explanations behind her statements at the beginning of last arc. She intended to STOP Aqua. Not watch him, not delay him, but stop him.

I can’t really tell if she has a further plan that’s just been off screen (which was what I initially suspected at the beginning of last arc) or if she’s just kind of a plot convenient stalker now.

This was a step in the right direction though, while certainly not passing the bechel test lol, it’s elevating Akane back to a character from a plot device for me, giving her back some flaws and biases in how she involves herself with things

I’m hoping to see how this is followed up on now, especially in reference to the wet fart of an unresolved subplot that is aqrb. It’s no surprise that aqkn is endgame, I think we’ve generally all known that from the start, but I doubt it’ll actually be happening soon.

#onk 149 #oshi no ko spoilers #chapter thoughts #manga post

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harlowsbby · 2 years

Note

nadia !!! okay sooo yk how ari did the pete davidson song ( i still think she should’ve called it soulmate but we move 😅) lol but can you maybe write about jack and singer!reader being together for a couple of months and she adds a song about jack to her new album and it’s titled with jack’s name ? i think that would be amazing he would get all shy like “this is about me? for real ?”🥺

Soulmate and Always 🤍🌙

“Wow this album is truly going to be one of them ones and you know how crazy the world is going to be seeing that you have a song titled after Jack.” Your manger Olivia told you and you smiled and nodded, Jack was one of your biggest fans he loved you so much and he never failed to show you that so you dedicated a song on your album named after Jack.

It was just a little one minute and a few seconds type of song nothing really to big or serious but you poured your heart out into it and Jack was stopping by the studio to listen to the album before you released it.

You were a bit nervous and butterflies were flying around your stomach, you were nervous on what Jack’s reaction would be would he love the song or would he find it weird and creepy because he had no idea about the song.

You were getting the song set up and ready before you got call from Jack.

“Hi baby”

“Hi baby girl I just got to the studio I’m heading inside right now.” He spoke into the phone and you nodded even though he couldn’t see you.

“Is that Jack? Is he almost here? Oh shit okay I’ll go hide somewhere in the building well not hide you know what I’ll just leave the room.” You laughed at Olivia because she was honestly so insane and wild sometimes but you loved her so much.

You quickly got the song and sighed in relief and it was perfect timing too because in came Jack.

“Well hello beautiful I missed seeing that beautiful face all day.” You smiled and leaned into his touch as his arms wrapped around your waist.

“So what’s up baby why am I here?” He took a seat in one of the leather chairs as you brought the computer closer to him.

“So you know how much I truly love and appreciate you so much.” You teased on and his eyebrow lifted in curiosity.

“Go on..”

“Well I wrote a song about you it’s titled well Jack Harlow.” His eyes shot open in surprise because the two of you both agreed on keeping your relationship private because we can all agree that his fans got a bit too much at times and just for peace of mind keeping your relationship a secret was needed.

“So just sit back and listen.” You grinned and pressed play on the song before taking a seat on his lap, your arms resting around his shoulders while he rested his head on your chest.

“Pull up pull up on me might recline when I want it, give you a set of keys cause you own it. Baby I’m sold on you so I don’t ever gotta test drive nothing.” Your voice sang through the entire room and Jack grinned before looking up at you and wiggling his eyebrows around making you snort at how goofy he was.

“You’re my soulmate and all that I’m like ooh ooh my whole life got me ready for you.” You sang to Jack and his face started getting red.

“This is really about me? Are you serious baby.” You bit your lip nervously you weren’t sure if he liked it or not.

“Do you like it?”

“I don’t like it.. I love it baby girl thank you so much.” Jack grabbed your face with his hands gently and ran his thump across your bottom lip before brining you in for a kiss, you both smiled into the kiss before pulling away.

“Well before things get more serious I suggest we take this home and not on your managers couch.” You laughed but nodded before heading back home to show Jack just how much more you loved and appreciated him.

#jack harlow #jack harlow concepts #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow x reader

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googoobabajogwick · 1 year

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Hot Knife chpt.1

description: Trained as children at the Roma Ruska together to be partners, you and Jardani were bound to live a wild life together, just not in ways you’d expect.

What happens when after sixteen years of dating you break up and ten years after that Jardani, or should you say John, finds you and comes back with the one thing that still tied you to him.

Your marker.

triggers: Only putting major triggers such as; Lots of misogyny, talks of sex trafficking, trauma from sexual assault, smut and unhealthy coping mechanisms like drinking and drugs the reader is a bit unhinged. This chapter includes smut and talks of sexual assault and trafficking nothing too graphic. Lots of trauma

If ur watching the John Wick movies imma go ahead and assume you can handle what other stuff I have in here.

word count: 7k

mini authors note: this didn't at first contain spoilers but now it does but the only major spoilers from the movie aren't till later in the story like chapters 9 and 10. I posted this on my Ao3 (and tumblr but I didn’t rly try) up to chapter 8 but it’s on a mini hiatus bc I'm rewriting every chapter bc I'm crazy like that. Feel free to go read those but I will be reuploading the new chapters when I have them all done. Y’all get first peak…

--->

Chapter one: Hot Knife

You sat at the edge of your bed watching a violent movie where the woman was currently fighting back and winning. It brought a smile to your face. These types of movies always gave you different types of ideas to use when you were sent out on missions. Plus movies were the only thing keeping you preoccupied at the moment.

The Director had you confined to your room for “starting” a fight with one of her other students at the Ruska Roma. You were always getting in trouble but it's not your fault you're better than everyone else. It's also not your fault people are annoying and like to try you. That was just stupidity on their part.

You had been trained alongside the infamous Jardani Jovonovich, which meant you had just as much training as he did. On top of that you studied medicine from a young age with some guy appointed to you by The Director and were considered somewhat of a genius, so some may even say you were better than Jardani, but you had still only beaten him once in what was just supposed to be a sparring match.

A loud sigh escaped your lips as you took a bite of your sandwich. The woman in the movie had died, typical of these movies. You wished Jardani would finish his stupid hit so he could entertain you. It should be any day now that he’d come home. You might even go as far as to say you missed him…

Your relationship was complicated. More on your end. Jardani’s wishes were very clear. He wanted to be with you. Of course you wanted to be with him… Maybe? Like you did but something in your head kept telling you no; That things would not work out, he’d get annoyed with you… Scared of you even…

That one made you laugh. The idea of scaring a man like him would make anyone who knew him laugh. Jardani had gotten to the point where he liked to act in private, like you two are dating even though you’re not. He cuddles with you, makes out with you all the time, calls you when he’s away to ask how your day has been. Sometimes multiple times a day. It gets people mad because he’s using up the direct line and others have calls to make!

The two of you have long, deep talks with one another, go out together, hell the two of you have photos of the both of you framed and up on the walls of your room. He’ll tell people he has to ask you before he does anything and you’ll say the same about him, this leaves everyone rolling their eyes. All Jardani wants is you and anything you’ll give him. He wanted to walk around holding hands and kissing you when he felt the urge, even in public, but you were scared. Scared deep down you’d hurt him.

When you beat him it was a couple weeks after the most horrible experience of your life. People don’t realize how much shit you get as a woman for being one of the only ones who was not subjected to being a ballerina, learning the graceful ways of murder rather than the brute force the men did. Also the title of the future second most talented and master assassin going to a woman didn’t sit well with the men. You just didn't belong anywhere you felt.

The girls and women there sneered at you and the boys and men mocked and belittled you. You tried to be nice, but you’d never let anyone walk all over you. Many tried to harass but many ended up getting some bones broken, except one boy, his name was Vladimir. It came out of nowhere, a whole plan created right under your nose.

You were smart and for him to trick you and Jardani with such ease, you’ll never know how he did. Your whole life you were taught not to trust anyone, the one person you knew you could trust was your partner. No matter what anyone told you, you’d always blame yourself for that time even though as a girl you were always a potential target for that kind of hate.

There were multiple men there, they said, though you only remembered one. It was a blitz attack they said. Five months you’d been gone they said. It was a betrayal they hadn’t seen coming, they said. They’re sorry they said but you couldn’t hear them. You continued to stare out the window, dissociated, hoping to never feel again. The leaves blew and whirled around in the breeze. You wished you could feel as free as them. Your forehead pressed against the cool glass in the infirmary.

It was supposed to be an easy and simple hit.

Any progress Jardani thought you two had made as partners felt as though it had been erased. He saw the pain in your eyes, the unshed tears as you pretended you were somewhere far, far away. Five months ago you’d be making fun of him for being so worried, five months ago you were starting to open up to him. Five months, five months, five fucking months.

He should have saved you sooner, in fact you should have never even been taken. The betrayal of Vladimir was rough. Nobody had seen it coming and Jardani beat himself up everyday for it. The nightmares of bright blue eyes were taking a toll on you. All your feistiness, all your grandiose nonsense, he’d give anything for you to smack him upside the head or call him an idiot again.

Instead you were a shell. For the first time he saw a fifteen year old little girl. Someone who didn’t belong in all this nonsense, the girl you always tried to hide. Jardani was the only male you allowed anywhere near you. He was patient though, sitting at the end of your bed every night to make sure when your inevitable screams would come it was his face you’d wake up too and not a needle to sedate you.

He made you feel safe. Even in your most vulnerable; Clothes ripped up, hair matted, malnourished, beaten, bleeding and violated. You never understood how he made you feel this way. As you stood in the corner of that cold, horrible room, Jardani’s eyes seemed so familiar, you knew that no matter what he’d never hurt you, and he never did.

Jardani killed him. Vladimir. He beat him to death, in front of you with his bare hands, making sure that the older boy suffered but the others got away. Without any names though every lead fell dead. You refused to give him names but not because you didn’t want him to kill them, but because you didn’t want to think about it.

You had so many cuts and bruises when he found you cowering in the corner with a knife in your hand. When he asked, you told him you got it off Vladimir during all the commotion— in which you found out was him and other people from the Roma Ruska killing everyone— The now dead student had cut a ‘V’ into your shoulder leaving a scar as a forever reminder of the violation and dignity you lost.

Stuck with physical and invisible scars as strong reminders of your trauma it was no surprise your first day back to training was not good and it was the only time you've ever beaten Jardani. He had always been stronger than you in strength and more talented. Once you’d even compared the both of you to Mozart and Beethoven.

Where one was a natural prodigy the other had their talents forced onto them when they were young by their father. Jardani laughed at that and proceeded to call you Beethoven for a month. He was an expert at fighting even at sixteen, skilled and experienced. You learned how to fight from your father but even he wasn’t an expert but he did teach you how to get your way.

The Russian Hunter.

That’s what the media called him and it wasn’t even true. Your father was a proud Ukrainian and hated being called Russian. He owned the house when he moved to America with you at five years old and your mother. The small cabin-like house sat on a huge one hundred thirty acre piece of land. You and your father used to go hunting and camping together in the woods. It was how you bonded.

The two of you were so close and you knew he loved you. By the time the New York Police discovered he was literally hunting people deep into the forest, you had known but didn’t know what to do. Everything told you to call the police but you were twelve and he was your papa. Your mother had always wanted a son. You’d never think a father who liked to hunt and was so stereotypically masculine was happy to have a daughter.

He taught you how to shoot a gun, hunt, skin a buck, survive in the wild and off the grid, to slaughter animals— which helped you learn to kill people quite easily, it was almost the same thing— and to fight. Everyday, he’d make you practice since the day you could walk it felt. All the time when you’d mess up or get hurt he’d tell you,

“You have to toughen up and learn how to protect yourself, my little sun.” He would speak in Ukrainian while grabbing your face and staring deep into your eyes that looked so much like your mothers.

“There are evil people in this world, specifically men. As a girl you will someday become a woman. Many will think you’re weak but that’s not true because you’re my daughter.”

Little did you know, he was one of those evil men. He was strict but loving towards you. Everyone always told you that you looked just like him. People also told you that your personality matched your Belarusian mothers. Miserable, cold and liked to suppress feelings. Your parents almost seemed so formal with each other. In fact you didn’t even know your parents loved each other until one night you found them dancing and smiling.

Yet you didn’t blame them, having grown up in the U.S.S.R and surviving a famine, they were taught to be cold at a young age. That moment stayed in your memory forever; your mothers smile and your father’s laughter when someone would mess up. It’s the reason you loved to dance, even if it was by yourself.

As much as your mother made your life hell— pushing her insecurities onto you and never giving you the nurture you needed— you still loved her and missed her too. Your father gave you the love you needed as a child even with all the trauma of finding him stabbing a man in the woods when you explored a little farther than normal.

Oh and watching him and your mother be shot by the police when he pulled a gun out and she drove in front of him.

She knew as well as you but times were different. It was 1976 and she felt it was her duty as his wife to stay silent, which ultimately led to her death though she had not physically harmed anyone. At twelve years old you could never imagine loving someone that much.

The lead detective on the case took you under his wing for a little bit before confessing to you that he found you to be a very demanding, morbid little girl. He talked to some people who went to The Director. She made you fight a male student of hers when she saw how you overpowered the female student.

It wasn’t that big she was weak, you demolished him as well, your fighting was just… Different. Animalistic, brutal, and terrifying. You liked to bite, play dirty and go a little overboard. She knew with her training, you would be perfect, possibly one of the best. The Director also knew a current student who seemed to be heading in the same direction. What a partnership the two of you would make…

With that she took you into her care.

When you showed up to practice you were on edge. You had a bad morning. The nightmare you had last night left you feeling sick but The Director said it was time to move on. Life is suffering, she used to say. Not the warmest woman on earth. You walked into the training room and heard Jardani arguing with her. They didn’t hear you at first.

You could always sneak around and hide in the shadows. Growing up, you would always eavesdrop on important conversations and then you’d run back and tell Jardani everything. He was your best friend and it was fun to talk about the drama together. It was often you’d hear a,

“Y/N, get out from behind there this second!”,

And a smack across the cheek.

They stopped talking when you made your presence known but you knew they were talking about you. He looked at you with sadness in his eyes and you just shrugged your shoulders. With a sigh he joined you on the mat and prepared to spar with you. He went easy on you until you heard something.

You don’t even remember what was said, but after a couple of soft swings and light pushes you almost just felt as though the goddess Athena had entered you, you felt the anger and screams of so many scorned and abused women in the past and present coursing through your blood, but even worse, you saw your partner as him.

You let out a heartbreaking scream and charged at him. He was able to dodge and get a few hits in but you caught him off guard, not expecting an actual fight. Once he was on the ground all you remember was sobbing, screaming and his blood all over your hands as multiple people pried you off of him. You had to be sedated as you screamed and screamed and screamed.

His arm had been broken, his nose and you almost blinded him in one eye. You got quite the scolding from The Director before you were allowed to see him again. She wanted you nowhere near him but that wouldn’t stop you. You’d change his bandages, wash him with a washcloth and while he was passed out you sobbed by his bed.

You asked yourself how you could do this to the one boy— let alone person— you felt safe with. The one boy who made your heart flutter in ways you've never felt before, you couldn’t describe it to anyone, certainly not Jardani himself. Who protected you and made you feel like you could forget everything. All the pain.

When he could get up and do things himself you locked yourself away in your room refusing to eat or speak for days. Until he himself came into your room and hugged you, telling you that you were pretty fucking scary but hes okay and you will be too. Jardani was more worried about your mental state. He told The Director it was too soon but she waved him off.

That night he kissed you. It wasn’t the first time you kissed but it felt different. No kiss had ever compared, the closet thing that could come wouldn’t be for years and that would be exchanging each other's markers. The traumatic event made you not feel anything anymore. Not anything good at least and definitely not trust.

But that kiss, despite the fact you flinched away, felt soft and nice. So nice in fact you couldn’t get enough. When he left to go get you something to eat you couldn’t help but let your fingertips brush against your lips. You wanted him to come back and do it again and again. It was nothing like how Vladimir or the other men would kiss you. He could never hurt you, not like they had, that was a fact in your own mind.

Although things had never been official, you would always sneak into his bed and cuddle with Jardani at night. It stopped your nightmares. This wasn’t so out of the ordinary but when it became constant, it became a problem. The Director was not too fond of this relationship. She tried separating you two but then you both started acting out, to make up for it she started sending you both out on missions alone.

She thought you would get in his way, that your love would be too suffocating for him. All her hard work flushed down the drain because of a girl. That made you laugh because years later, now at nineteen it would seem to anyone that he liked you and you just… Weren't all that interested but they also didn’t see the two of you in private either.

You liked being brutal and you liked being scary and you liked gore and would even most likely be diagnosed as a psychopath, it did run in the family, where you could still see the humanity in Jardani no matter how much he liked to try and play it off. You could only feel sympathy for the women and girls.

Everyone here was an orphan, everyone here had a backstory and the girls were treated horribly. You experienced it yourself and it wasn’t fun. The pain and no free will. Having to practice over and over till you fall over exhausted. Just to get right back up and do it again.

A lot of other students would mock you two whether it was because they wanted to see it happen or because they were jealous. Jardani was hot, there was no doubt about that and you were too but that didn’t stop people from treating you like shit. They either wanted to be with you or they hated you. So you liked to be alone.

To you it felt like one of those high school based movies you’d watched with him a couple times. People respected Jardani so most of the jokes or remarks fell on you. They were scared of you but that didn’t mean they didn’t like to get underneath your skin. They pissed you off but you learned to deal with it. The students were good but you were better so at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. Plus, you were his partner, so who really won?

With a bottle of coke in one hand dangling off the bed while the other held onto your half eaten sandwich, you heard a knock. Your head whipped around to look at the door. You dropped the bottle and threw the sandwich in your garbage bin a large smile, knowing exactly who it was. Jardani always announced himself before he walked in, it made your heart go crazy because it was his room too.

As soon as you saw his short shaggy hair that was getting quite long and his iconic facial hair you paused the movie. He always sorta looked like a puppy to you, well, at least when he looked at you or The Director was scolding him. Jardani was supporting a nasty bruise on the side of his face.

“Aww my pet is back and he seems to be hurt..” You caressed the side of his face

He rolled his eyes before pulling you into an embrace.

“I missed you, my Athena.” He breathed in the scent of your hair.

You let yourself fall into the hug. Everyone who asked got the same exact answer. The scary assassin was being used for sex. You’d even tell Jardani to his face that if you could marry his cock you’d have no use for him himself, but thankfully he had a pretty face too. And you guess he had a pretty charming personality.

You could never love someone though, you tell him you aren’t faithful to him, that you have men lining up to be with you, that he is disposable and he puts up with it. Even when you accuse him of seeing other women or just wanting sex like most men. You verbally abuse him trying to push him away and yet he stays.

The two of you fuck, cuddle, go out in public together, spend all your time together but won’t put a label on it. This caused a lot of issues. Like arguments that would be fixed with a simple promise and label. Although you know at this point he knows you’re a liar— that you don’t talk to anyone else—he doesn’t need to know that… you know he knows. So many small lies.

Lies that he’s not constantly on your mind and just how badly you want and yearn for the security of knowing he is yours forever and only. Life had taught you that nothing was secure and nothing was forever and that you didn’t feel good enough for him. But nobody would ever hear those thoughts ever. Or so you thought.

“Heard you were grounded.” A laugh left his mouth. “What did you do this time?” He asked.

“It was just some of the others. Guess they didn’t like the look I had on my face.”

“I’ll make them regret saying anything to you.” Jardani kissed your forehead while you scoffed.

“Oh don’t worry I already did that.” You giggled.

He smiled at you while squeezing your hips before leaning toward you for a kiss. His hands came up to hold the sides of your face, his thumb rubbing your cheekbone. After such a long time away you knew what he wanted and got straight to the point, like you always did, your hand traveled down to his belt. Your hands toyed with the buckle.

“They fucked up your beautiful face, don't tell me they hurt your best asset though, right?”

Jardani shook his head no with a slight smirk before pushing you down on the bed. His lips connected with yours in a passionate make out session that said ‘I missed you, I wanted you’. Your hands threaded through his hair but you couldn't help but press on the nasty bruise that was on the side of his face. He winced but moaned before moving one of his hands to shove down your pants. His fingers immediately circled your clit causing you to thrust up, groan and pull away.

“Are you going to pleasure your Goddess, Dani? I know you want my pussy.” You said in a lustful way.

“Fuck yes, yes.” He pulled off your pants and underwear before kneeling in front of the bed.

The black haired man started by trailing wet and sloppy kisses all the way from your ankle to your hip, the inside of your thigh to the outside, then he turned and did it to the other leg, all while thanking you for letting him touch you this way. He knows you hide the fact that you’ve never ever let a man touch you like this and in return he's sure to try and let you know he’s never touched or even wanted to touch another woman since the first time you’ve had sex.

Jardani always knew how to make you feel like you were melting. Like a liquid that would seep into the mattress of happiness and bliss. You'd go as far as to say he made you feel nice. But the niceness only lasted for so long. Your hand shot up to his head to keep that distance between the two of you. You felt guarded, you grabbed a fist full of his hair and yanked so he looked up at you. The two of you looked deep into each other’s eyes and you could see the love in his and he could see the cold in yours.

“You’re my John Doe tonight. Unidentifiable, nobody.” It was morbid but it had become a nickname of yours for him.

As he always did he just smirked at you before saying,

“I have served, and will be of service”

Usually he’d kiss every inch of your body but he couldn’t wait. He leaned down to suck on your clit. The minute his lips wrapped around your sensitive nub, you threw your head back. God, he had been gone for so long. Too long… Your hands worked just fine but almost nothing beat having your pussy devoured by the most attractive man you’ve ever met.

His tongue swirled around your clitorous before he brought his hand up to slip a finger in. Much thicker than yours plus with the angle he was at he could easily rub your g-spot. He could feel that it had swelled and continued to rub it. At this point you were thrashing around, gripping onto his hair and pushing him harder against your pussy. There was no doubt you’d be getting reprimanded later, you had always been loud when it came to him.

What was to be done though? You weren’t allowed to go out somewhere private and he had been gone so long. You could have left and rented a hotel to “celebrate” his return… It’s not your fault, so they must hear the noises of your wonderful and amazing fornication. You hoped they were jealous and disgusted.

You rolled your eyes in your mind thinking about how even as an adult you were confined to your room. Soon you and Jardani would move out. The two of you had been talking about it recently since you were almost twenty, it was time to move on and get the fuck out of the Roma Ruska. Be independent, take hits when you both want to and fuck everywhere.

He did mention that he considered joining the military to train under Marcus. A man he had met and formed a bit of a mentor ship with over the last few months. His friend was nice and very charming. You enjoyed his company but hated that he was trying to take your Jardani away from you. It scared you, you knew he could be gone for long, extended periods of time.

You didn’t like to be away from him, you always felt so lonely…

However you were pulled out of those thoughts by Jardani flattening his tongue as he looked straight into your eyes and shook his head like a dog. You felt like you almost crushed his head and killed him with how hard you wrapped your thighs around his head. Your hips bucked in wild motions as you squirmed, your back arching off the mattress and his arm came up to hold your hips to the bed. While his fingers rubbed your g-spot over and over.

“I missed your taste, come on my fingers and tongue, please beautiful.” He gasped out while he tried to catch his breath and his fingers pumped in and out of you.

Diving right back in, he moaned at you pulling his hair, hard. The vibrations were like heaven on your clit. A hard, loud grunt mixed with moan like noise left your throat. Never before had you ever made a noise like that but Jardani was good at doing that. You held his head in a headlock with your legs as you humped his face, taking as much pleasure as you could get from his fingers and tongue.

You released him and got up while panting. He was out of breath as well but smiled up at you as he licked his lips and then whipped his cheeks.

“God I’m addicted to your taste baby.” His face was covered in your wetness and it made you laugh.

You also laughed at his tight and uncomfortable looking pants. Your hand came and rubbed him through the strained fabric. Jardani closed his eyes and sighed, bucking up into your light touch. He needed you but you were evil. One more time. You’d tease him one more time. You palmed his hard cock and made out with him, swirling your tongue around his, tasting yourself.

With a nibble to his bottom lip causing him to grunt you pulled back.

“Fuck I need that again. Lay on the bed John. Now.” You commanded him.

Jardani didn’t even have time to lay on the bed before you shoved him down and crawled on top of him. You kneeled above his neck looking down at him and bit your lip. He looked delicious. Sweaty, his pupils dilated while looking up at you and panting as he waited for you to speak. Waited for you to order him what to do. You gave him a soft kiss and an even softer peck on the side of his face where his bruise lied.

“I’m going to sit on your face, John and you're going to eat me like you haven’t eaten in months.” You held him up by his hair and then let his head fall back onto the pillow.

Not like it would be hard, it had been months since he last tasted your perfect cunt. Your pussy was wet and it almost dripped onto his face but just in time you sat right on top of his mouth, leaving his nose uncovered so he could breathe. Jardani’s large hands came up to knead your behind as he tongue fucked you. The man tried to get the wet muscle as deep as he could.

He always called you his Goddess and it was times like these when believed it to be true. Your taste was addicting and the power he could feel coursing through you as you sat on him, using him like an object. He would be yours and yours forever. If Gods and Goddesses existed then he existed to serve and please you.

“What do you think the other students would say? If they saw you like this, hm?” You threw your head back.

His response was muffled but you didn’t care what he had to say.

“If they saw their perfect, big and bad assassin underneath my pussy.” The lustful laugh that left you was cut short by a groan.

His tongue went back and forth from licking your clit to fucking you the best he could. You leaned back and began to palm his hard cock through the dress pants causing him to moan. The vibration on your sensitive nub caused you to begin riding his face and before you knew it you were cumming again and cumming hard.

The noise that you made almost made cum in his pants but he just held his breath and wrapped his arms around your thighs to keep you on his face while you used him to ride out your orgasm. Intoxicated by pleasure, with wobbly legs you jumped off the bed and with very aggressive manners started to undo his belt buckle.

“Get these fucking pants off right now.” You felt like a sex crazed maniac at the time and maybe it was because it had been so long but you didn’t care.

When you pulled his boxers down his cock sprung up. Precum dribbled down the side of his dick and you couldn’t help but lean down and have a taste for yourself. The appendage twitched and you laughed. Sucking on the tip, Jardani hissed and grabbed the sheet of the mattress. It was a salty but a familiar, intimate taste.

Climbing back on top of him you grabbed his cheeks with one hand. He winced once again. You dragged the tip of his cock through the folds of your soaked pussy. After two orgasms you were sensitive but so ready to finally be with him again. You really did miss him, a lot.

“You see Johnny, I was going to make you go finish yourself in the bathroom, but like I’ve always said, your cock is just too irresistible.” You always got dirty during sex but something felt different this time.

“Do you think you deserve my pussy? Do you want to put your cock into my warm pussy? Tell me.” The grin you gave him was evil as you ground down against his hard cock.

“Yes, please, I know I am nothing but a John Doe to you but please, I serve and worship you forever.” He was breathless.

Only you could ever get Jardani to beg for anything.

“Forever? Just me?” You questioned and he looked deep into your eyes.

“Yes. Just you. Forever.” He whispered.

Without warning you sat on his cock. This time he let out a loud strangled moan as he tried to stop himself from thrusting up into you, wanting to be as deep in you as possible. It didn’t matter anyways because you planted your knees on the mattress and started bouncing up and down, riding his dick. His hands came up to help you as he watched your face.

You were in total bliss. Your head was thrown back as your nails dug into his chest leaving little crescent shaped indents there. A surge of pride ran through his chest as you showed him that it was him who was allowed to do this and see you. The woman who barely talked to anyone and when she did it was usually to say something so blunt or tell someone to fuck off because she was awkward and cold.

The woman he felt knew him better than anyone. The one he grew up with. His first and only real crush. How she didn’t care about what others thought. She didn’t shave, she dressed how she wanted and wore the same clothes, usually his, constantly, you weren’t afraid of others opinion.

There was just something ethereal about you, even when he’d walk into your shared room and find you sitting on the toilet with the door wide open and a beer in your hand. He loved you and he’s known that since the first time you were introduced and you called him a swine and expected to be pampered by him. When he didn’t at first you just ignored him, but he caved. Too curious to get to know you and he’s glad he did. Life didn’t feel so lonely.

Your hands ripping his shirt open and off snapped him out of his thoughts this time as the buttons flew everywhere. You started to roll your hips while you began to bite, suck and lick hickies all over his chest that was glistened with sweat. Jardani was not a loud man, not at all, but you could get him to sing. The moans, groans and grunts that left his mouth were like music to your ears.

You tapped his face gently making him look you straight into your eyes. As you knew his entire focus was on you, you began to roll your hips in a way that spelt your name. Your way of claiming him, it was your pussy that was fucking him stupid. You giggled when you saw the look of awe in his face and then bent down to swirl your tongue around his nipple.

Jardani didn’t know how much longer he could hold out, especially after months away, months of fantasizing about this moment. He couldn’t help it, he brought one hand to pull you into a kiss while the other rubbed your still very sensitive clit. You cried into his mouth as he started to thrust up hard. His cock kept hitting your g-spot over and over, you knew you were going to cum again soon.

His hand held the back of your head as he rested his forehead against yours. He watched your face as you almost couldn’t keep your eyes open. You reached around to fondle his balls and he groaned out. Then the pressure grew and grew and grew. It kept growing and you knew it was your approaching orgasm but something felt different… Like you should’ve used the bathroom before you fucked but it was too late to say anything.

“Holy fuck, I’m going to cum again baby!” You cried out feeling the familiar tightness in your lower tummy, “Cum in me Dani, I want it in me.”

You hadn’t even noticed the slip up or that you were twitching against Jardani’s chest, his hand no longer in your hair but holding down your hips. Your vision went white as howl like sounds came from your vocal cords. He was in awe. You were perfect to him as you came undone on his cock. Everything was wet and you almost felt embarrassed, thinking you had peed yourself.

At the moment you couldn’t care. The one time you ever felt all your walls come down. This was paradise, this was right where you belonged, this felt like Heaven. You couldn’t even think but you did feel the pressure on your hips get very tight and warmth inside you. Jardani held you hard against him, releasing his seed into you with one of the hottest moans you thought you’ve ever heard. You were squeezing him so tight it was unreal.

He rocked your hips against his with his hands as your pussy convulsed and you milked his cock. You were in a daze, like you literally felt drunk. Jardani stopped moving you as he became too sensitive.

“I think I pissed on you.” You slurred against his chest.

The rumble of a laugh was felt on your cheek as your lover began to kiss the shell of your ear and then nibbled on your earlobe, rubbing your ass and back in soothing motions. Softly, he gave you a couple hickies on your neck, tickling you and making you squirm your neck away from him, but you’d always let him mark you. For as much as you told everyone it was nothing but sex you sure were proud to show off your fresh hickies.

“That was called squirting, my angel.” He said the term of endearment in Russian and then chuckled again when you tried to hit him but missed and hit the pillow.

Jardani tried to move you off him but instead you grabbed onto him and told him to stop. You left small kisses on his chest as you laid on top of him begging him to stay like that for a little while longer. Your body still jerked every so often and you couldn’t believe you were still orgasming. Your lover's cock was already softening inside you and you twirled his chest hair and pulled at it making him bat your hands away.

“I love you Jardani Jovonovich. I love you, I love you, I lo-“ You always said it after sex and he cut you off before you kept going.

“You’re just saying that because I just gave you an Earth shattering orgasm.”

You leaned up this time to learn forward into his face. He let out a groan at the movement from his cock still being inside you. You kissed him again as much passion as your physical body would allow, hoping he could feel everything you had been thinking and feeling. Only death could stop you from wanting to kiss him but even after that you knew you’d still reminisce about the feeling.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you while you were gone.” His heart throbbed at how shy you sounded. “I missed you so much.”

Jardani gave you a quick smooch.

“I missed you too, so much. You’re my reason to come home, my Goddess.” He pressed his nose against yours.

“Dani, I think this Goddess may have met the one human male that she could ever fall in love with.. Oh my god we can have little demi-god babies..” You smiled.

“If you don’t get off me that may be happening soon.”

You slid off of him sitting by his side. You didn’t look at him just at the wall as you thought. The cum that leaked out of you was warm and your heart had started to race. You wanted to run but you couldn’t move. Based on the way Dani was looking at you let you know he was too, lost in his own thoughts. Oh my god you were feeling so many emotions. What had that orgasm done to you?

Without even thinking you began to trace the scar on your shoulder. You wanted to just run away to the bathroom and cry but before you could you felt him adjust up so he was sitting behind you. his hand grabbed your wrist where he started to kiss your palm and fingertips. Jardani is so good, so nice. You wouldn’t cry even if you wanted to. That’s what you always told yourself but the past few years it’s felt like all you did.

“I’ve been thinking about it. While you were gone… A lot. Well more than a lot. I’m terrified it's going to end in hurt. Everything does.” You press your palms into your eyes and take a deep breath.

“I’m scared that if I make this real you’ll know the real me.”

“I already know the real you.” He kissed your cheek.

“I meant it though. I’m a pretty sick fuck but you make me feel some.. Not fucked up things. Besides the thought of killing anyone else who tried to get with you. You’re all mine, Jardani Jovonovich, if we do this. I’m scared.” You removed your hands from your eyes and he grabbed your wrist.

Ever since your capture you’d been going down a dark road. More cruel and unnecessary kills, being scarier and taking your anger out on anyone who got into your way. What if one day he gets sick of your actions, of your mental agony, and decides to leave after you let him in? His lips against your wrist made it hard to entertain those thoughts.

“Always. And I hope that means you’re all mine as well?” He kissed your palm again.

“Always.” You blurted out with no thought whatsoever.

He looked at you with a soft expression and then all of the sudden he was worried by the devious smirk on your face as you turned to face him fully.

“Now that's out of the way. We still aren’t dating. You have to take me on a nice date!” Demanding as ever, you wouldn’t have him ask you after sex!

Jardani smiled, showing off his slightly crooked teeth. There was his feisty girl. He laughed his rare but adorable laugh before wrestling you so you were under him. A yelp left you as he pinned you down and nibbled on your collarbone. There was no escape but you felt safe. You knew he’d let you go if you wanted him to.

When he was done assaulting your collar bones with his tongue, teeth and lips he looked up at you with a grin that took your breath away.

“Baby, I’ll take you on the best date of your life but first… I don’t think our little reunion is over yet.” He hinted at his hardening cock that slapped against your thigh.

“Well then,” you reached around to line his cock up with your entrance and guide his hips forward by digging your heels into his ass, “I’d say it’s time for round two.”

“I agree.”

By the end of the night, the two of you were well spent. You felt proud of yourself, for talking to him and for finally giving this whole relationship a chance. As Jardani got up to run you both a shower— excited for his date with you after you two washed and he convinced The Director to let you leave the theater— you couldn’t help but think about everything.

You two fought it for years and you just couldn’t believe it was one orgasm away from coming all together.

#john wick fanfic #john wick x reader #john wick x y/n #john wick x you #good lord I love this man

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