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natsumiheart · 2 days

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Ever since I met you.

…Hello world! Lmao

Hi, I'm Natsumi, and I'm wondering who is even reading this but if you are, welcome to a very long post about how I got into Tears of Themis, how it helped me through such a hard time, and how I ended up falling in love with a certain detective.

I made this post for an event on hoyolab but I’m posting it here too in my trashcan! I already wanted to have a post documenting this online just for myself, even if in the future I cringe while reading it, I can look back and remember the emotions I felt through the year. I also wanted to share it with the world so that maybe people will feel like me, or come to appreciate this character that I love so much as much as I do. (you’re free to reblog btw!)

Warning: This post is mostly about Luke!

It contains spoilers about some Luke cards and some spoilers for his Blossom Chapter. There are small scenes from episodes 2 and 5 of main story as well. Oh, and Artem and Luke 2nd anniversary cards.

If you are here because you’re interested in learning or reading more about Luke and do not care much for the rest, I recommend the interlude, part 6, and The end: part 1. The other parts also talk about Luke and his stories but those are the most important in my opinion.

Due to Tumblr’s 30 image per post limit, this will be divided into 3 parts, each part added with a reblog.

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Index because this post ended up incredibly long so here are the parts laid out to read anything you’re interested in!

> Part 1: Introduction

(How did I learn about this game?)

> Part 2: Contact

(Getting the game)

> Part 3: The Beginning

(Starting the game and first impressions lol)

> Part 4: Falling

(FOR LUKE AHAH)

> Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

> Part 5: Obsession

(How and why did this obsession start?)

> Part 6: Reflection

(Thinking back on Luke’s personality that attracted me)

> The end: Memories

(Extra memorable moments)

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Part 1: Introduction

I play Genshin (shocker) and I have some online friends who play it as well, so when Tears of Themis came out globally since it's made by Hoyoverse as well, most people who played genshin went to check it out. I discovered Tears of Themis through those people, and I was recommended the game by my online friends.

What was my response?

“I have no phone storage.” AAHAHAH, yes. I'm not a day one player. I only started during the second anniversary because back when the game came out despite being interested I could not play because I did not have any device that could handle the game. My phone could not handle Genshin's size either, it's not compatible to begin with- I played Genshin on the PlayStation [emoji]

However I did not forget about the game, I was just hoping that somehow one day, a miracle will happen and I will be able to play mobile games like other people LOL but what are the odds of that happening?... Well, a miracle happened 2 years later.

Bonus: I had a little beef at the time with Artem because I kept thinking drawings of him were actually of Jumin who is a very well written character I love like crazy from mystic messenger since 2016 BWAHAHA

Every masterpiece.. has its cheap copy.. IM JKJK PUT THAT KNIFE DOWN AHAHA

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Part 2: Contact

So one day I was visiting my aunt's house and met my cousin's acquaintance. I met the guy for like.. only 2 hours and during those hours my cousin told him about how I draw digitally but I have been drawing on an 8 year old phone that stays alive for like 30 mins at a time AHHAHA

The guy was like “That's it, I'm getting you an iPad to draw on.” I laughed, thinking he was joking- but then 2 days later I received TWO iPads, one for me and one for my little sister! W t f. Angels do exist on earth? And I was never able to thank him in person because he's a busy guy who only visited my village and I never saw him again o.o

Can you guess what I started doing when I got it? Download a bunch of games I wanted to try throughout the years but couldn't! Among them was Tears of Themis. My house didn't have the best Internet and had a couple hours of electricity a day so I downloaded it very slowly at my aunt's house.

I remember so clearly about how I sat next to my sister as I was downloading the game, and it started playing the second anniversary promotion video since it was starting during that time. At first I was like “aww, they proposing!” but suddenly things turned spicy and I almost dropped the iPad from my hand HAHA.

I did not know what to expect going into this game because I stayed away from spoilers and videos about it since I knew I wanted to get into it myself one day (I was interested in the main story). It made me sad too to be honest because I wanted to play it but couldn't, so I avoided it for years.

I however, did not expect at all that the game would get THAT spicy LMAO my sister noticed my reaction and she was like “What's up?” And I was like “you cannot see this” though she is older than the game’s age rating AHAHHA

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Part 3: The beginning

I was so excited getting into this game! When I started I was incredibly hooked to the main story, and at the time.. hear this.. I had a bias towards Artem because he looked like Jumin AHAHA

I was honestly more interested though in the main story than the boys, because the boys didn't make me feel much at the time- I do not have a “love at first sight” I never had that kind of experience for real life people or fictional people. (Anyone can experience it, and that's valid! It's just for me personally that never happens.)

After knowing characters and learning more about them, that's when sometimes- I fall in love with them as a character, they end up giving me so much happiness just seeing them, they give me comfort.. And they fill up my sketchbooks HAHA is this love romantic? Usually no, that's very rare!

I did not feel much for Artem (turns out the only thing he and Jumin have in common were their looks and being socially awkward, shocker-) but I had a little interest that led to me pulling for his second anniversary card when I started being able to wish. I lost- and got a standard Artem, but then I won and got his card LMAO you can get a lot of wishes starting off. However I was doing the stories of the standard SRs, along with the main story and someone.. someone was warming up a lot to my heart.

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Part 4: Falling

The boys were all very interesting and lovely characters! (The NPCs as well!!)

Artem, despite how he comes off at work, is actually just a shy guy who is bad at communication outside of work.

Vyn is actually a very interesting and well written character being very different than the rest of the cast due to his unique upbringing (honestly? His family feels like a cult, bro literally is running from a cult) and you learn more about his own psychology the more you get to know him.

Marius is literally just an artist who wants to chase the life he wants but is hindered by responsibility and his position.

And Luke- Luke stole my heart LOL

First off, he's a detective and I've already confessed online to having a thing for detectives by a drawing- that starting since I was a kid and I watched detective conan🧍‍♀️his introduction chapter.. was very interesting. It was literally the first episode, Rosa clearly knows and cares about this character right off the bat you're like hmm? What was this guy doing for 8 years? Why did he show up now after so long? Almost making him suspicious even. But he and Rosa seemed so close despite it all.

After that Luke had started showing up in the story here and there, a moment that made me go “ohh.. what a cool guy.” Was when after Marius’ case in episode 2, he shows up on a bike like “get in we outta here” and saved her from all the reporters.

His theme plays at this scene.. my heartttt

Revealing he'd been watching her and the case from afar and was literally waiting for her to get out and get her away.

I started reading the standard SRs, the first one I did was “Among the great blue” which honestly I recommend everyone doing again because I bet you all do not remember Luke saying this about Jellyfish

The card made me go *the rock eyebrow raise* GAHAH and at the time I was all innocent, not knowing anything about what Luke was going through, so when Rosa woke up and did not find him sleeping next to her (after she invaded where he's supposed to be sleeping lmao) and Luke was hunched over like “I'm fine I just accidentally swallowed gum lol” I actually believed him 💀 there were signs, but it would fly over a player's head until things are revealed ON THE FIRST FREAKING ACT OF HIS PERSONAL STORY and suddenly everything makes sense. Wow.

When I started personal story, I was just starting it because starting all of them is part of the “Rookie tasks” event you get when you start the game. Only to be punched in the gut immediately.

This is LITERALLY what you’re greeted with when you start his story 💀

I was starting to warm up to this guy and you're telling me.. he's sick and planning to leave us.. omg.

I got to choose one limited SR from the Rookie event, and I thought Luke looked adorable so I picked his card "A star in the palm" and the story.. omg that card, I'm weak. Everyone needs to see it, READ IT!

It’s illegal to be BOTH handsome and adorable smh

After that I started WANTING to do more Luke stories so I did the other standard SRs “Radiant Sunlight”, “Timely Rescue”, “Inner Sanctum”. They were all so good, my favorite being Inner Sanctum for how much it messed with my heart.

Dude is literally falling and he STILL makes sure to protect her.

I- was dying. I started pulling for Luke's anniversary card, starting to regret my choice going for Artem's. But he wouldn't come-

So I went back to main story because that's how you get the most schips, and guess what- I had reached episode 5…

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Interlude: Luke Pearce’s Fear

The way episode 5 starts, Luke joins the NXX and Rosa is incredibly surprised seeing him there introducing himself as an agent from the NSB. Meanwhile Luke… is mad.

At first he can't believe Artem would even make her do this but she confirms to him that it was her decision, and then he spills the truth about his identity, and about where he's been the past 8 years. He apologizes, for lying, for planning to leave her again, for everything.

And then this happens.

You guys, this scene made me go straight up insane. You can tell how much he had cared and loved her for all these years, and how his biggest fear is literally the main character getting hurt or something happening to her. I felt so emotional over it, that after this act I started DESPERATELY pulling for his card and I finally- finally got it

Episode 5 BTW is one of my favorites in the main story, it is 3 parts because it's THAT good. It's when people will start seeing what Luke is as a character, what's beneath the surface you see in episode 1. (Also this episode introduced the best character: Hugh Moss AHAHH)

The parallel between Rosa, and Jasmine (the reporter whose case you investigate), was not lost on me. That reporter died trying to expose the truth which is exactly what Rosa has been trying to do. I think the entire chapter literally is showing you why Luke is so scared of her continuing the path she's in.

But you know what's the best part? He's freaking terrified, yet he never forces her to leave. He says this:

People keep saying Luke is a red flag that keeps trying to control Rosa and her actions and I swear my reaction is always “Are you even paying attention?” Luke never forces Rosa, he only shows he's against it, but he always says he will support her whatever decision she makes.

A similar more light-hearted situation is the story of his summer card “Iridescent Heartbeat” where Luke is afraid of Rosa getting hurt or doing things that are too much for her so he doesn't consider doing things such as Bungee jumping or rafting. But Rosa insists that she wants to do it and when she's visibly afraid later, Luke teases her a bit (LOL)

but then holds her close to him and soothes her saying there's nothing to be afraid of cause he's there.

He encourages her to do what she wants! And when she does indeed get hurt because the rope was too tight around her leg, he does NOT put the blame on her, but on himself-

Y'ALL HOW IS THIS GUY CONTROLLING??

(The scene after kinda got on my nerves cause Rosa got “angry” that he’s not his usual “cheerful self” like girl I love you but please- can’t you see how much you getting hurt affects him? She pretends that she’s angrier than she actually is making Luke apologize over and over like 💀 but tbh it was also funny, I don’t like how she handled it but it was funny lol)

When they go rafting Luke lets Rosa take the lead and he will follow her because she wanted to prove to him that he doesn't need to plan everything, however Rosa's plan backfires, things go horribly wrong and she can't figure out how to get the raft to go straight. Luke again, does not reprimand her in any way and only helps her so she can do what she wants. Later on even after they've fallen off the raft and onto the water he immediately holds her and takes her up to the surface so worried like “are you okay???” And despite all that, he says she's right. That she's always right and he will stop trying to plan and go more with the flow.

Luke never tried to control Rosa, he just loves her so much that he does not want to ever see her in pain or sad. He wants her to be the happiest girl in the world.

So who is Luke? Luke is the coolest mf, a guy that always jumps into action to help others with a heart so damn big that his own emotions slowly destroy him. He has felt an astronomical amount of guilt and regret since childhood- and has cared for and loved the main character just as long. The girl who is the reason he was able to keep his sanity, the girl who he always wanted to protect, and the girl who is the reason he is still here today.

I wholeheartedly believe that without Rosa in his life, Luke would've ended up completely different, if still alive at all.

Bonus: I remember people being like, the characters have gemstones that match their color in the proposal ring, so why does Luke have Ruby instead of something like Topaz? This is why.. the ruby in the ring represents Rosa (getting emotional over here omg) and honestly that ring is freaking insane because not only did he design and make it and its box by himself for years.. but a ruby is inside the key that Rosa gave to him.

Remember how Luke when you click on the key in visit says “I wear it like this to have it as close as possible to my heart” now look at the key.. if the Ruby is Rosa, and Luke’s heart is the key, do you see what he conveyed in that ring? Yea, I’m crying too.

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Part 5: Obsession

I have a bit of an obsession problem, I've been obsessed with stories, games, or characters and that obsession can last years of my lifetime. And it's understandable, when you're going through terrible things in your life, you get attached to what makes you feel happy and you hold on to that feeling. That's what starts that obsession.

When I got the second anniversary Artem card I did the story immediately and it was.. it was alright. Artem wants to propose, but in his attempt to keep it all secret distances himself too much and gets Rosa worried, but then wow! He proposes with the help of his coworkers and happy ending + things get a bit spicy at the end.

But I felt like.. like I'm getting deja vu AHAHA like I've seen this kind of story a million times before. (Probably cause I did from watching a bunch of kdramas and having consumed a bunch of stories from a lot of media) It did not exactly get me to feel anything much, I'm sure it's different for Artem stans though having him propose after probably following his story for 2 years XD good on you guys have fun with your mans!

For me though who had just started, it did not have that much of an effect. After I got the Luke anniversary card I was excited and went into the story oh so innocently not knowing back then that Luke cards are honestly heart wrenching.

It led to me crying in bed while the sun was rising from the window as Luke says “That's because I love you.”

The way how he blocks the wind from her and lets it hit him instead at that exact moment is freaking PEAK writing.

That card showed me a lot more about this man who is so shackled by his own emotions and circumstance, that he's willing to sacrifice everything even his own wants and dreams for the one he loves.

Have you guys seen that one official art with Rosa posing as Themis? And the boys are represented by the objects around her? Luke is the sword, Artem is the balance, Vyn is the blindfold, and Marius is the snake by her leg.

It starts to make sense why Luke is holding onto her sword to the point of bleeding, he's bleeding yet he looks up to her in absolute devotion not caring for what happens to him and his eyes are only always on her. He’s willing to be her sword, to take all of the pain and protect her so she can be happy.

My life.. has not been what is considered “normal”. I'm not going to give my backstory in this post aHAHAH but at the time when I started Tears of Themis I was going through a very bad point in my life where I was close to have given up completely on my future and accepted my fate as it is. I had shut down completely, and I went back to becoming a shut-in which is honestly something I went through for four years before, it wasn't good.

When you reach that point, you start becoming apathetic to everything.

Luke however, somehow started making me start having emotions again. Reading and learning about this character was actually affecting me in a way I have not been affected in a long time. He felt.. real, like I could feel his emotions, his love, his despair.

And that's part of why I got so attached to him and he became my comfort, because of him, I started to feel human again.

AHA CRINGE. OK enough with the sadness.

But I'll never forget how much Luke and Tears of Themis helped me keep a grip during those hard months. I'm in a better place now, it's not good- but it's better, and I still just open this game and visit Luke to help me ground myself.

One time after a bad day I accidentally touched him and he said this, I went insane-

I think that says a lot about the state of my sanity AHAHAH

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[To be continued in reblog]

#tears of themis #luke pearce #xia yan #lukerosa #rant #my complete insanity has shown its head once again #I just— love him so much LOL

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fuckyeah2000s · 5 months

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A TRULY inFAMOUS STORY

so when the game infamous 2 came out on ps3 it had a 'hero' edition you could pay extra for and it came with this sickkk messenger bag

a fairly niche thing but i had this bag and i loved it.

i took it to disney world with me in 2015ish. one day, i was wearing this t-shirt with bruce lee on it and i was sporting the aforementioned messenger bag and i'm on the ferry to epcot or somewhere and im like... just straight chillin it out hanging over the railing probably with some cool aviators on or something idk. anyway im there chilling and as harbor that would receive us approached in our view in a slow crawl, a crowd began to form and around the gate. as i made my way toward the crowd like a lamb cast astray suddenly finding itself tethered once more to the allure of the flock- i found myself shuffled up next to this dreaded out dude that was standing with his back to me. and lo and behold he hath the same messenger bag as me from infamous 2! i couldn't believe. what are the odds i ponder?

so i had to say something to the guy, and im like '' excuse me sir, i appreciate your taste in backwear.''

he cocked his gaze to his immediate left.. locked in a wry smirk, paused, then turned toward me.

and lo and behold the man was not only sharing my taste in messenger bags but he too was adorned with a bruce lee tshirt!

it was wild. totally unexpected..

anyway i dapped my man up and we parted ways...

i hope hes doing alright.

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yaggy031910 · 1 year

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It‘s Davout time!

Happy 253th birthday, dear iron marshal! ☺️🇫🇷🥖✨

Louis-Nicolas Davout is known for the devotion and love he had for his wife, Aimée Davout (born Louise-Aimée-Julie Leclerc), so I was interested about their correspondence. To cut a long story short, I started reading their letters (specifically the ones around the Russian campaign because I also wondered how Davout had dealt with this mess of a campaign).

Let‘s say it was simply heartwarming and I was melting away most of the time so how about I share one of my favourite little moments? Shall we? :D Davout‘s desire to have a second son and how he throws all of it away as long as Aimée‘s health is fine:

Ce 12 décembre Je profite, ma chère Aimée, de l‘estafette pour te rassurer sur la santé de ton Louis; elle est, malgré la rigueur de la saison, très bonne. Tu trouveras mon écriture tremblée. Je te jure par toi que la seule raison en est au froid qu‘il faut, et que je sens d‘autant plus que je t‘écris en plein air pour ne pas masquer cette estafette. Desessart part demain pour Paris, il va bien. Beaupré, malgré son âge, s‘en tire assez bien. Beaumont et les deux Fayet ne sont que fatigués. J‘envoie mille baisers à mon excellente Aimée, qui est peut-être, - à l‘heure où je lui écris, - dans les douleurs: puisse mon Aimée me donner un second fils! Cependant, si c‘est und filled, elle sera bien accueillie. J‘envoie mille caresses à l‘enfant chéri qui es Louis et à nos deux petites. Assure ta bonne mère de ma tendresse. Tout à toi. L.

German translation: Der 12. Dezember Ich profitiere, meine liebe Aimée, von dem Kurier, um dich über die Gesundheit deines Louis zu beruhigen; sie ist trotz der Strenge der Jahreszeit sehr gut. Du wirst meine Handschrift zitternd finden. Ich schwöre dir, dass der einzige Grund dafür die Kälte ist und ich fühle mich dementsprechend mehr dazu, dir im Freien zu schreiben, um den Kurier nicht zu verpassen. Desessart bricht morgen auf für Paris, ihm geht es gut. Beaupré hält sich trotz seines Alters gut. Beaumont und die zwei/beiden Fayets sind nur müde. Ich schicke 1000 Küsse an meine exzellente Aimée, die vielleicht in der Stunde, wo ich ihr schreibe, in Schmerzen ist: Möge meine Aimée mir einen zweiten Sohn geben! Jedoch, wenn es ein Mädchen ist, wird sie auch willkommen sein. Ich schicke 1000 Streicheleinheiten an die lieben Kinder, die Louis und unsere zwei Kleinen sind. Versichere deine Mutter meiner innigen Liebe. Alles an dich. L.

English translation: The 12th of December I benefit, my dear Aimée, from the courier/messenger to reassure you about the health of your Louis; she is very good despite the harshness of the season. You will find my handwriting shaking. I swear to you the only reason for that is the cold and I feel more like writing in the fresh air to not miss out the courier/messenger. Desessart leaves for Paris tomorrow, he is fine. Beaupré, despite his age, is going well. Beaumont and both Fayets are just tired. I send a thousand kisses to my excellent Aimée, who is perhaps in pain in the hour I write her: May my Aimée give me a second son! However, if it’s a girl, she is going to be welcomed. I send a thousand caresses to the dear children, who are Louis and our two little ones. Assure your mother about my tenderness. All for you. L.

Just like Napoleon, Davout had a desire to sire sons and - as far as I am concerned - it‘s clear that his enthusiasm for the possibility of having another son is strong. We might say it’s even stronger than for the possibility of having another daughter although he wrote that a daughter would be welcomed. Now, let’s read the next letter he wrote to his wife where he threw all of that away, shall we? :D

Gumbinnen, ce 17 décembre Je suis bien tourmenté, ma chère Aimée, du long silence auquel les ciconstances m’ont forcé et de toutes les inquiétudes qu’il t’aura données, à toi si ingénieuse à te tourmenter sans motifs. L’état où tu te trouvais, à la veille de faire tes couches, ajoute à mes tourments: jamais je n’ai plus éprouvé le besoin de recevoir de tes nouvelles, et j’ignore quand j’aurai ce bonheur, malgré les estafettes qui arrivent régulièrement; mais le comte Daru, sous le couvert de qui tes lettres me parvenaient, étant parti pour Koenisgsberg, me prive absolument de tes nouvelles. […] Ta santé, dans ce moment, est tout ce qui occasionne mes inquiétudes; lorsque je serai rassuré sur ce point, je désirerai connaître de tes couches: fille ou garçon, l’enfant sera le bienvenu si la santé de mon Aimée est telle que je la souhaite. […]

German translation: Gumbinnen, der 17. Dezember Ich bin sehr gequält, meine liebe Aimée, von dem langen Schweigen, zu dem mich die Umstände gezwungen haben und von den ganzen Sorgen, die es dir bereitet hat, so geistreich von dir, dich ohne Anlass so zu quälen. Der Zustand, in dem du dich am Vorabend mit der Geburt befandest, fügt mir Plagen zu: Nie habe ich mehr den Bedarf verspürt, deine Neuigkeiten zu erhalten und ich weiss nicht, wann ich diese Freude haben werde, trotz der Kurier, die regelmässig eintreffen; aber der Graf Daru, unter dessen Deckmantel deine Briefe mich erreichten, hat mich, nach Königsberg aufbrechend, von deinen Neuigkeiten beraubt. […] Deine Gesundheit ist in dem Moment alles, was mir Sorgen bereitet; wenn ich darüber beruhigt bin, wünsche ich mir, über das Wochenbett zu erfahren: Mädchen oder Junge, das Kind wird willkommen sein, wenn die Gesundheit von meiner Aimée so ist, wie ich es wünsche. […]

English translation: Gumbinnen, the 17th of December I am quite troubled, my dear Aimée, of the long silence to which my circumstances forced me to and of all the worries it caused you, so ingenious of you, to torment yourself without reason. The state you were in on the eve with the birth caused me torment: Never have I felt more the desire to receive your news and I don‘t know when I am going to have the happiness despite the couriers who regularly arrive; but the count Daru, under whose cover your letters came to me, having left for Koenisgsberg, deprives me absolutely of your news. […] In the moment, your health is everything what causes me concern; when I am reassured, I desire to find out about your postpartum period: girl or boy, the child will be welcomed if the health of my Aimée is how I wish. […]

MY HEAAAAART, GAHWD, THEY ARE ADORABLE.

#Louis Nicolas Davout #Aimée Leclerc #Aimée Davout #look at Davout being a nice and thoughtful hubby #Davout talked in another letter about him preferring his wife over his children lol #btw this is baby Jules‘ birth they are talking about and I am scared of getting to the letters where this baby dies #Like really really scared #Translating into German and then into English was a fun exercise #It took hours but still #HAPPY BIRTHDAY!#napoleonic era #How do y‘all post so often so long posts??? You are beasts! :D

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themessengervevo · 5 months

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Hello everyone! Before I begin, I have to say I very much thank everyone who shared my story around. It may not be much, but it could lead to something more. Thank you for doing that.

Since my goal with my original post was to not only address my sudden unfair banning from the platform but to also give attention to other problems with this platform, I decided to give this operation a catchy name of sorts. You can call it

Operation Take That!

or anything else really. Hopefully that will give this movement more of an identity.

In other news though, I may have discovered some very peculiar bugs that affect the Youtube experience for me, and I'll show these in this post to give bugfix suggestions. For the sake of clarity, and also because I like old stuff, I will be showing these screenshots with CustomTube enabled. It's an extension for Chrome and Firefox that changes the look of the Youtube layout to older ones, specifically mid 2014 in this case.

First on my examination will be the home page. For this and other instances, I will be comparing how a banned user sees a page with the same tab but in a container so as to show how a normal user sees the same page. So how does the home page should usually look like? It should look as shown here:

Notice the sidebar on the left. Now lets compare it with the non-container homepage, and see what we get:

You can immediately see how the sidebar is gone. Why? If you can't login into a youtube account, why remove the sidebar? It still wouldnt let you sign in anyway because you are terminated. It is simply unnessesary!

Now lets move onto the watch page, and see how that is different, here is a screengrab of a random video I took from the home page in the container:

Again, notice the sidebar, but also the Like and Dislike buttons and the row of buttons from "About" to "More". Lets also compare the comments section, here is how it looks in container:

Great, right? Now lets see how those two look without container:

Notice how wrong everything looks? The lack of sidebar again, the misshapen Like button, the Save button here is the default one, the Share button has been replaced with a number, and the More button has three dots underneath it. Odd right? Lets see the comment section now:

Oh wait, there is no comment section here, because it's stuck in a loading loop! Again, why does this need to happen when you get banned? This is just unnessesary again!

Here's some other issues that I know of or found that I feel like need to be fixed:

The Like and Dislike buttons in comment sections lead to the sign in, unlike the ones under the video itself.

There's been performance issues for users of Firefox, including an intentional 5-second slowdown and big lag. The lag one in particular seems to be happening to everyone, not just me with an almost decade-old laptop at this point. Some speculate these changes were made by Google as part of a tactic to get non-Chrome users to, well, use Chrome, and see it as just plain being greedy. I think so too.

Occasionally, when I enter the home page from a watch page, the tab assumes I am logged in and shows my pfp and notification bell and all. I can click the pfp to open what would be the menu there, but is stuck in an endless loop. As well, the page im on shows a "Something went wrong" error. Very weird. That needs to be fixed too I think.

Again, please reblog and share this post around to not only hear my story but to hear my criticisms and suggestions too. I might make more of these posts to show how bad Youtube's getting as a platform. Also I am still considering whether to get a Boosty or not. Maybe even a Ko-fi if they allow that. Again, thank you for your support so far, I couldn't be more happy to hear your thoughts on this, and if any of you had or have the same experience I'm having, please reach out!

- Thank you, The Messenger.

#operation Take That!#text post #the caretaker #everywhere at the end of time #russia #peace #peace and love #youtube #fuck youtube #please reblog #pls reblog #please share #it would be very much appreciated #drama #firefox #bugs #fix your shit #2023

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ichorai · 3 months

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Im watching succession rn and reading hell yeah simultaneously and YOOOOO the way its my lifeline rn, like fr fr. Its so so good!! Im currently in the third season and after i finish an episode i come back to tumblr to read the part of hell yeah from the ep 😭💕 i do have to confess that i mayyy or may not have read beyond the ep im currently in BUT idc bc it was so worth it !! Kept wondering as well, while i was reading, what wouldve happened if roman chose to fire the reader instead of “breaking up”?? How do you think the reader would have reacted?? I couldnt stop thinking if that possibility bc i love angst lmfao

ANYWAY !! Thank you so much for sharing the story with us!! Its absolutely amazing and your writing is so so good <3

omg thanks so much for reading dude :( makes me so happy that you guys are enjoying the series !!

as for an au where roman fires reader, she'd definitely not take him seriously at first. maybe laugh and tell roman to stop joking around but then does a double take when she realizes he's being forreal </3 roman also tries to alleviate the guilt he feels by repeatedly saying it was logan's decision, not his (don't blame the messenger and whatnot) but reader would be v hurt nonetheless. he'd start spouting out bs like, "i'm doing you a fucking favor, it's for the best, i'm putting the company's interests first, etc." from then, reader would grow furious and tells roman that if he fires her then whatever it was that they had between them would be over. roman, being roman, tells her they never stood a chance in the first place (he doesn't actually believe this, he's just swept up in the argument).

everyone's surprised / shocked when they hear she's been sacked, as she's so close to the family without acc being on the board and also has such a vital role keeping the company afloat. waystar itself would have a terrible adjusting period bcs they really underestimated just how much reader did for them (esp the small things that accumulated in her absence).

she leaves the company upset and bitter at first, but eventually realizes that she can finally live her own life and do what she wants to do without the constraints of the company / the roy family / her own absent parents. reporters are still constantly swarming her, asking her what happened, why she got fired, if she has any plans on going back, etc.

as for her relationship with roman, i can see them reconciliating eventually after a month or two because roman misses her like air and he fucking hates being in his dog cage the company without her there. would spam text her a million times one random day until she finally responds and would demand that she come to a fancy restaurant (he'll pay ofc, he's assumed she's gone totally broke now that she's not working w him), and they meet again and things just fall into place with the two of them :( reader is still pretty angry and hasn't forgiven roman yet, but she's missed him a lot too and couldn't ever permanently estrange herself from roman. as for the other siblings, reader wouldn't really keep in contact with shiv and kendall without roman in the equation, but she still gets check-up texts from connor, which she would briefly but fondly respond to </3

in this au, reader & roman wouldn't romantically get together probably until after the events of season four. they're terribly tragic soulmates in every universe i'm afraid !!

#went on a long tangent there phew #hell yeah has such a special place in my heart #roman does too i guess e_e #thank you for the kind words!#i love love love it when you guys ask au questions about my fics :( makes me so happy

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umbral-stigmata-unbound · 1 year

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𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐍

——— BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Ash/Ashton/Jordan

PRONOUNS: He/Him & She/Her

ZODIAC SIGN: Aries / Pig

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single

——— THREE FACTS! ♡

1 - I used to believe that a specific anime show was real and I was destined to go there and be a part of the main cast hero group, I just had to be a certain age and a certain size/build/weight so once I achieved that, they’d come to get me. So, technically, up until 12 or 13 yoa I was waiting for my isekai destiny.

2 - Jumped back and forth between normal school, homeschool, then normal school again, only to end off with virtual so my school experience as well as my school-taught knowledge is all over the place.

3 - If you ever need to make me laugh, just link me ‘The Lochness Monster Song’ from Youtube. Because I have horrible humor and that whole thing kills me.

——— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED: I think MSN messenger, Max/Dan/Wiz before they removed the forums, then facebook communities (both via actual pages or just making friends a few or a group at a time and building an indirect community and plot from the overflow of people. idk how i used to handle that lmao), other forums and eventually on and off tumblr, discord, wire. occasionally omegle to email or discord when im desperate.

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: I am open to all, but if it becomes a thread, I definitely prefer reasonable plotting somewhere along the lines, and occasionally popping in for plotting refreshers if needed to keep the plot going!

——— MUSE PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER: I can write both, but I generally prefer males, unless I just really vibe with a female characters personality and plot and such.

MULTI OR SINGLE: Multimuse half the time, mainly on this blog. I tend to take on a few characters if I have interest and/or experience, just depending on the fandom.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): I don’t have any big opinions on faceclaims, honestly. i’ve used them in the past for OCs or RL examples of book or animated or other such characters. for stuff that has reasonable picture options, i would generally expect those pictures to be used, but im not gonna complain otherwise.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡

FLUFF: I love it, especially as a sort of balm over formerly stressful content, or its just...so dang cute and addictive. So long as it stays in mine and my partners personal parameters of believable/fitting/appropriate for the scene and our characters unless otherwise being wish fulfillment content.

ANGST: I generally live by it. Sometimes I might have moments where I get really caught up and i overthink the comfort level or consequences and try to solve issues like a RL person rather than trying to tell and enjoy a story but, when I can control that, I thoroughly enjoy some good angst with roleplay partners.

SMUT: I’m totally on board with it. I’ve been known to just throw out fling moments, moreso with characters it makes sense for, but I generally prefer some believable build up. The long pine, slow burn can be amazing, but I also understand and relate to partners who might have those moments of just feeling they and their muse have both gotten a little impatient/it feels like a moment is there and you just take it.

BONUS: I don’t always manage it well but I’ve come to enjoy developing HC’s/fanon for my muses and I adore moments where I get to share that and build some realism and relatability, within reason and accuracy, to my characters..

Tagged by: stolen from @roleplay-abiogenesis2 just cause~ been meaning to do it for a while lol

Tagging: anyone who wants to do it!

#dash stuffs #ooc #ooc post #ash talks #dash meme

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thebatmandiaries4 · 1 year

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EZRI BIRTHDAY GIRL

This is my second BD with you. So glad to share this travel life with you , no doubt you re my mate made it just perfect for me. I like a lot when you re around because my hearts likes you so much. I was thinking about your BD gift till the pass year and I hope you enjoy it as me. Never could be bigger that you always did for me and my family, Ive stay that clear but let me try. Knowing you was special since we started to talk and you re the sweetest girl ever, so kind, smart, funny and specially loyal with me. Thanks for make me part of your pack and dont listen what people say about - everything - . This special days with you feels like heaven and I loved being lost in paradise with you, still dont feel like I deserve such love so I dont know what I did well in my passed life to found you in this one , but keep please taking care of me as you always do. You always have a part of my heart dont matter what . I know in the last days we discuss a lot but I want today let it go and forget and I know youre so gentle that I trust you when you told me we werent be able to hurt me with your actions. You teach me to view the world with new born eyes and find that the stars still shine , the sun still rises and my heart still beats. Im so happy we re a family right now , If I saw behind our story just started one year ago , to be honest I would like you to meet you before and want to be you the one who keep me out of that shitty LF you know I had because mean people. Remember that 27th night in Panama when you start K all the marks and wounds even the scars behind the inks ? That night I knew I was so deeply in love with you that I would never let you away from me. No one did it like you , so my heart is full of love again because you. Ive a list of beautiful moments we share , since your first smile at me, the first letter you wrote me , our fist day waking up together or even the first cute kiss between us. Your hands fits perfects on mine , and hope I like you the way you like me , everyday a little bit more. Ezri, Sof , S, Boubounou, I dont care little prince charming just be only my love. You got the key to always chance my mood into happiness. If I would know life with you will be so incredible amazin and funny I will do anything to start again, seriously in our first meeting at BLV i was nervous beacuse maybe I was not you kind and me was entire with hype . And when you reply back that messenge hours later I was so happy Ive to tell Salma and Nick that everything was perfect. You look exactly that I ever wanted in a person. If I ve to write a love story on a silverscreen you will be the role I should pick up. Many autorhs will be so jelous on that. Love the way you re always in ever detail that I dont know how you find time to think about all . Every day with you is a different kind of adventure and i want this story never end. Cant believe the tender and perfect you are that there is no a part of you that dislike me at all. Is NSFW time (?) Because Ive the sound of your voice tellin me Im your woman on ma head everytime , and I dont need anything else ♡ and yes I am even before you knew it Im yours. I know you re the one becuase you choose me when I was pure chaos. Understand girl that you re my favourite thing and of course I believe always the right person will find you at the end as you did with me. Do you not see how strong you are and you were ? I love the way you continue to rise and Im proud of that everything you have done , in your life and now on mine. Your arms are my safe place to be , we always joke about everything but You know when Im going serious. Enjoy this day, I only wanna see you happy with your fam and your friends , they love you so much because you are a beautiful person. Day is not over yet and Ive more surprises for you . I love you since you stare at me . I will be always your princess . Love you a lot , hardly and deeply. Ya´aburnee , as you always said to me. Dont forget you re my home . ♥

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reidswritings · 3 years

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even after all these years

word count; 7.2k

warnings; mentions of death, stalker stuff, mentions of guns, curse words, and angst angst angst

authors note; so this was like 3 days in the making, so i hope yall enjoy!! please let me know what yall think!! ignore any typos im doing my best 😁😁

two years ago;

“I’m done.” She had said after the door closed, once they were alone. Once there was no one to stop what was going to happen. Once there was no one to talk some sense into The Young Girl.

The Pretty Boy, who she had come to love more that she ever thought possible, was no longer standing pretty in front of her. His once love filled eyes—the hazel beauties that used to look at her with so much admiration now were void, cold— were holding back the tears she knew he so desperately wanted to let flow (but wouldn’t with her standing there). She knew that once she left him, he’d break down. She knew that he would spend all of his nights on the couch rather than the bed they shared for so long. She knew that he would rather die than look at the happy pictures on the walls sans the few that she had stuffed into her getaway bag. She knew him too well— she knew how he would react once she was no longer the love interest in his story.

She knew and yet she was still doing this to him. She was doing this to him— she was causing him so much destruction and pain, barely batting an eye at him. For being a profiler, he was shitty at reading people’s body language and emotions. Because to him, she seemed fine; she seemed like it was just another day. To Spencer, it seemed like she was bored. To him, it didn’t seem like she was also breaking. It didn’t seem like she was hurting just as much. Maybe if he was better, he would’ve seen. Maybe if he was better, he could’ve stopped it. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The eyes that she had fallen in love with—that she was still hopelessly in love with— were dark, almost black. He had a white piece of gauze taped against his neck, covering a once life threatening bullet hole. There was a red spot, small bits of blood seeping through the stitches holding his skin together. If she wasn’t so preoccupied she would’ve thrown up from how much the injury bothered her. She would’ve gotten so worked up that she would’ve passed out.

Her eyes burned with tears, looking at the goddamn wound that started this all. The wound that ended their relationship. She blinked and it was over for her. Her façade dropped and her tears rolled over her eyelashes and onto her cheeks. Spencer’s arm twitched before he jerked it back to his side, fingers clenched. He wanted to wipe her tears away so desperately. Despite the words that had just passed her perfect lips, he still wanted to hold her like his life depended on it— because honestly, it really did.

She was his life preserver in the wild sea that was his life.

The Boy was holding his keys in his hands, jingling the metal with his fingers in attempt to calm his heart, his mind, his emotions. They had just gotten home. He was in Texas when it happened— he was in Texas working a case when he almost got himself killed. Thankfully, The Team had flew His Girl out and she had been the first face he saw when he finally woke up.

Alex, being the wonderful human she is, had just dropped the two off, leaving only after she admitted to Spencer that she was leaving, too. They had just gotten home and she was springing this on him, out of nowhere. She was doing this to him even after all the people that had already left him. She was doing this to him the same night one of his best friends had just left him. She was doing this at the most inconvenient time— not that any time would be better, he would still be loosing the love of his life either way.

He was sure he hadn’t heard her right. He was sure that he hadn’t just heard His Pretty Girl say the words he thought she’d never say. The words she promised him that she’d never use. She was doing the one thing he was most afraid of; she was abandoning him. . . just like everyone did.

His heart was beating so fast. It was so loud, he was sure she could hear him. He was on the brink of a panic attack. His breath was hitching and he couldn’t stop it. As big as his brain was, he couldn’t wrap his mind around what was happening. His mind was running a mile a minute, carrying a thousand thoughts with it— yet, none of the thoughts were helpful ones. There were no thoughts walking him through his breathing exercises, no thoughts telling him to calm down, no thoughts telling him to speak up.

The only thing on his genius mind was one sentence; She’s leaving me. She’s leaving me. She’s leaving me. She’s leaving—

So, he said, “W-What?” Breathless and choppy. He was having trouble focusing. He needed to sit down. He needed the world to pause for just one second. He needed to get his thoughts in order. He needed to sit, but his legs refused to move. He was stuck. He was stuck in this terrible, awful moment that his eidetic memory would never let him live down. He knew that he would think of this moment for the rest of his life with so much regret in all the things he didn’t say. But still, he was stuck, frozen.

Unable to fix things— unable to make her stay.

“Spence,” She paused, looked down and sighed. She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t, because if she did she would wrap him up in her arms and never let him go again. She knew if he caught her eye that she would apologize until she was blue in the face. The girl refused to meet his eyes because she knew if she did that she wouldn’t be doing what she was doing. She needed to do this, she couldn’t back down now. “I. . . I can’t do this anymore.”

His voice was low, raspy and broken, “Do what. . .?” He knew what. He wasn’t dumb, he knew what she meant, but he needed to hear her say it. She had to say it or he wouldn’t ever let go. He would be stuck with her for the rest of time. He needed to hear her say it, even if that meant he would be more broken than he had ever been before. He needed this. He needed it even if it killed him.

Now she met his hazel eyes— her favorite part of him, she was committing it to memory because after this, she would never see him again. She knew that. She counted on that. “This, us. Spence, I almost lost you today. . . I can’t do that again. You’re— You’re everything, I-I— you’re my everything. I can’t ask you to quit your job, I won’t be that person. . . So, I’m removing myself. I can’t watch you get killed— I won’t do it, Spencer.”

Everything, all at once, became sharp. It was like his mind could finally form full sentences. He was full of ideas, he was full of air. He knew what he had to do. He knew how to keep her with him.

Before either adult knew what was happening, he was moving, quick on his feet, to the couch. He was throwing open his messenger bag, hands messily pulling things out. He was searching for his phone, he was searching for the one thing he could think of that would save him— save them.

“What are you doing?” Y/N asked him, moving behind him, reaching for his arm, trying to see what had him so worked up. He jerked away from her, grunting in the process. And again, with no words spoken, he was moving again. He was going too fast, he was going to tear his stitches, he was going to hurt his still healing wound. He was now moving into the kitchen, still looking, hope flooding his veins. This was his last chance, he knew that.

“Spencer!” She followed him, just as frantic as the newly hope-filled boy, “Did you hear me?”

She heard him let out a chocked sob, a broken laugh following— though, no humor was tied to it. She stopped in front of him, heart wild, anxiety flowing through her body. He was typing on his phone, chest raising and falling faster than she liked. The girl asked again, “What are you doing?”

He looked up now. His eyes were wild, more so than she had ever seen. He was so worked up that his body was literally twitching with each breath that passed his lips. It scared her, she had never seen him like this. She had never seen him so manic. It hurt knowing she was the cause.

The thought of him like this did nothing for her, though. She still continued on her path of destruction.

“I’m calling Hotch. Telling him I’m done.” He was bringing his phone up to his ear while his mind planned out the words he needed to say to get off The Team. His free hand was holding onto the counter, keeping himself straight up. His knuckles were turning white; Y/N was worried he would break his hand— or the old table. Either way was inadequate. Without it, he was afraid he’d fall to the floor in a mess of tears and anger.

He was doing it, he was doing it. He had figured a way to make her stay, he was going to do it. He would do anything to keep her with him.

The phone was ringing. It was ringing and Spencer could feel his panic draining away with each passing second, his boss was going to answer and everything was going to be alright. His boss, who doubled as his friend, was seconds away from answering the phone, he just knew it.

Everything was working itself out, this would be okay— that is until she intervened.

She was ripping the phone from his hands, hanging up in the process. Spencer felt his breath catch again, his voice was wild as he asked— screeched, “What are you doing?!”

The boy reached for the phone but she whipped it away from his reach, “Stop! Give— Give it back, Y/N!”

“No! I-I’m not letting you throw your life away for something so fucking stupid, Spencer!” Spencer watched her as she began to turn around, walk from the kitchen and probably his life. He couldn’t move again. His phone started to ring in her hands. They both froze, listening to the phone until it turned itself off.

He was following her now, like a lost puppy. He would follow her anywhere. She was the one. She was it for him. There was no one else.

“Y/N. . . please. Please, don’t do this.” He was broken, voice thick with tears. Her back was to him, he stepped closer, hand falling to her shoulder.

He heard her sigh, “Spencer, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”

He begged. He was more broken than she had ever seen him. More than when he lost Maeve. More than when he lost Emily. More than when Elle left him. More than when Alex told him about her son that was so similar to himself. More than when she walked out right after. More than when he talked about his mom. This was it— this was the worst for him. This was his rock bottom. He wasn’t sure he’d ever recover.

This was it for him— there was only darkness after Y/N. He couldn’t see a future without His Girl by his side.

There was no Spencer Reid without Y/F/N Y/L/N.

“Please don’t leave me. You—You promised.”

She turned to face him, face absent of all emotion. A complete 180 from only a few moments ago. She handed him back the outdated phone, along with his crushed up heart. “I lied.”

now;

It wasn’t very often Y/N crossed Spencer’s mind, but when she did it felt like his heart was being ripped from his chest all over again. Spencer’s had his fair share of trauma in his life, but by far Y/N was the one that hurt the most. After watching her walk out of his life—for ever, he’d assumed— he was sure that he wouldn’t ever recover. He did, of course.

It just took longer than he cared to admit.

It took a lot of shedding tears at the most inappropriate times (and things), more support from his friends than he ever thought he’d get, too many late nights playing that last night over and over again in his mind, and way too many calls to his sponsor.

If he was being honest, he was terrified that he would relapse. He was afraid that he would become his old self. He never wanted that; he hated that guy more than he hated anything in his life. He didn’t though— he made her a promise all those years ago and he didn’t break promises. She may have broken all hers but that didn’t mean he broke his.

He had gone those two years without ever seeing The Pretty Girl. He was grateful for that— he knew if he ever did see her again, he’d probably die. Well, not actually, but it would hurt like hell. He was more than positive that if he saw The Beaut that it would feel like he was dying. He knew this because that’s how he felt when she left all those years ago.

He tried not to dwell on that fact— he tried not to think about her.

He really did. He even tried to move on. He tried to love other girls, he tried to let himself go, he tried to find solace in women that weren’t her. It just never came— he never got the peace he so desperately craved.

She was just too unforgettable. She was everything— she was the air that he breathed, the ground he walked on, the smile that he got every time something wonderful happened.

She was everything and it was near impossible to let go of everything.

By now, he had convinced himself, with the help of his BAU family, that he’d never see her again. He had been convinced that it was really over. He was trying to convince himself to let her go. He was trying to lose that tiny piece of hope he carried in his heart with him with every day. He knew he had to let her go— he’d never get what he wanted again. It was time.

Too many years had passed, she wasn’t his anymore.

She was a pretty girl; she had probably settled down by now. She had probably settled for someone. She probably lived in some small town with a dog and a perfect boy that wasn’t him. Her life was probably everything she ever dreamed of.

He liked to think that. He liked to think that she had gotten everything she’d ever wanted. He liked to think that she was happy now. It kept him going, fantasizing about her and her perfect life— the one she created without him.

He never thought he’d see her again. And you know what? He was coming to terms with that.

That was, until the day he did. The day his heart stopped beating again. The day that his breath was knocked from his lungs. The day that he only dreamed about.

Until His Pretty Girl walked through those big glass BAU doors.

The Stunned Boy felt his body betray him. He was suddenly standing, mouth agape and eyes wide, unblinking. She had stopped too, arms clutching a ominous folder to her chest. Spencer drank her appearance in; she hadn’t changed very much. She was still as beautiful as he remembered. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

She was wearing a baggy sweatshirt— Spencer was more than positive that it was his— and frame fitting jeans. She had paired the comfortable outfit with the running shoes she had bought so many years ago. It was ironic because she had bought them to start working out, but never actually got around to doing so.

Spencer met her eyes. They hadn’t changed, they were still the eyes he had fallen in love with. He took a moment to notice that her face was void of any makeup— that was different. She looked tired too; her hair was thrown up into a messy bun, another thing that he noticed was different. She looked absolutely exhausted— he wanted to know why. He wanted to know what had happened to make her look the way she did; what had brought her back— back to him.

Both Spencer and Y/N were still unmoving, despite the world moving around them. His voice came out soft, and he was sure that she couldn’t hear him from across the bullpen. He wasn’t completely sure that he wasn’t dreaming. He spoke anyways, “Y/N?”

She blinked and then her world started again. Her breath was knocked back into her body; she was here for a reason. She needed help.

JJ walked through the doors, coffee in hand, tired eyes heavy on her face. She stopped in her tracks, suddenly awake, upon seeing Y/N. A gasp came from her lips, causing the spell between Spencer and Y/N to end. The unchanged girl turned to her old friend, the smallest smile he had ever seen on her face, “Hi.”

JJ smiled too, arms wrapping around the smaller girl before she could stop them. “Hi! Oh my god, hi! W-What are you doing here?”

Y/N’s eyes met Spencer’s again—he still hadn’t moved— then back to the blonde’s. “Um, I— Um, I need your help.”

Ever so curious, JJ nodded and led her old pal to her desk— the desk that was directly in front of SSA Spencer Reid’s. As they approached, Spencer felt his body lower itself back into his chair. Jennifer pulled an empty chair by her desk, motioning her friend to sit. Now with all three adults sitting, The Beautiful Blonde asked, “What’s happening?”

Spencer pretended to be busy, opening a case folder and staring. Y/N knew he was listening— it never took The Genius Boy more than, like, 10 seconds to read one page. Despite the listening ears, Y/N cleared her throat and began to speak.

She placed the folder onto JJ’s desk. It landed with a soft thump. The blonde flipped it open, keeping eye contact with her friend— soon to be victim of their next case. Page after page of threats laid there for anyone to see, it made Y/N feel quite exposed. She hated this; she hated that this was happening to her.

“I think— I think,” she paused, eyes flicking to Spencer, who was now watching the two girls with no shame, brows furrowed and bottom lip tucked under his teeth, “someone has been following me.”

Y/N felt her leg start to bounce in anxiety, she wished she could rewind the clock and convince herself not to come to the office. She wished she could’ve just pretended that she was safe and that nothing was happening to her. Spencer launched himself to his feet. His heart was anxiety-ridden “What?”

Both girl’s attention moved to The Frantic Boy. His mind was as wild as his curls; there was no way this was happening to him again. It wasn’t fair— why couldn’t his girls just be left alone?

“Um, yeah— I don’t know,” The Young Girl nodded, hands dismissing her thoughts. She felt dumb for coming back, and it showed. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. I know you guys are good at this stuff.”

JJ placed a sympathetic hand on Y/N’s arm, calling her attention back. “It’s good you did.”

The Blonde nodded along with her friend, “Okay, I’ll be right back. I’m gonna show this to The Team, see what we can do. Okay?” She was waving the blank folder in her hands as Y/N nodded. JJ stood, eyeing Spencer, a secret conversation happening between the two.

As soon as the girl left, Spencer claimed her seat. The boy leaned back, one leg crossing over the other— the iconic Spencer stance. Y/N’s hands were folded in her lap, eyes trained on her faded jeans, her mind willing her to be anywhere other than in front of The Boy she broke.

Spencer cleared his throat, His Pretty Girl looked up. “It’s good to see you. . . You, uh, you look good.”

He noticed the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks and nose. His cold heart softened ever so slightly. It was like a window had opened and his anger bit by bit flew out. Even after all these years he was still head over heals for her. She scoffed, tucking a piece of hair back into her bun, “. . . Shut up.”

“No, seriously. You haven’t changed at all.” More blush on her cheeks. More anger out the window.

Y/N licked her lips— a nervous tick, Spencer noticed, “Spencer, I—”

His heart sped up at her words, mind wondering what she was going to say. He hoped it was the apology he’d wanted for the past two years. He wished it was her asking for him to take her back. He wished, he wished, he wished.

“—Y/N, we’re ready for you now.” JJ’s voice interrupted the girl. Both Y/N and Spencer turned to The Blonde who was standing in the door of the round table room. Her hand was clutching the door as she leaned out. Y/N could see in the room, thanks to the floor to ceiling window directly next to Jennifer. The entire Team was inside, Y/N’s heart skipped a beat. She hadn’t seen any of them since she did what she did to Spencer. She wondered if they held any anger towards her. If they did, she deserved it. After what she did to Spencer she deserved everything unwelcoming and bad.

The Boy Wonder sensed her anxiety. He stood up, encouraged her to as well. Once she did so, he led her into the room, all their eyes landing to her. Spencer and His Pretty Girl came to a stop in the room, standing side by side. Y/N could feel the warmth radiating of the boy next to her, it calmed her nerves. She missed that— The Spencer Effect.

“It’s so good to see you again, Y/N,” that was Emily. Emily Prentiss; best friend of Spencer Reid. Her eyes, Y/N noticed held a bittersweet tone, “Wish it was under different circumstances, though.”

Her eyes looked at each and every member of The Team— none of them held any judgement or anger. Sure, some held sadness, others held understanding, but mostly, she saw compassion. She should’ve known; she used to spend every weekend with these people— she should’ve known they wouldn’t hold anything against her. She should’ve known.

Holding the pages that Y/N had printed out, JJ spoke first. “Well, it looks like its all been online?”

The victim nodded then coughed, “Well. . . actually, last night, I found this outside my apartment.” Out of her purse, she pulled yet another folder. Handing it to Spencer, she rocked on her feet. Inside the folder was picture after picture of Y/N. Many were captured when she was in the public eye, doing errands, hanging with friends, walking her pup. The part that caused Spencer’s blood to run cold were the few at the end.

Whoever was terrorizing Y/N, had managed to get into her apartment and capture pictures while she was sleeping, showering and even lounging on her couch— though the last bunch were from outside a window, most likely on her patio.

The boy tossed the pictures on the table in anger, the rest of The Team all began to sort through them. Surprising Y/N, and The Team, he did a full 180 and stormed from the room. Against her better judgement, she watched him go. Her eyes followed his every movement. Even after all these years, her eyes still watched every move her boy executed.

Before she could protest, her feet were carrying her to Spencer. He was pacing in front of his desk, hands nervously rubbing over one another. A tick that she remembered Spencer often doing.

“Spencer?” She asked. It was soft and innocent. It was everything Spencer had missed and that pissed him off.

“Y/N?” The tone surprised her. It was harsh, different from how he was treating her only a few minutes prior.

“Are you okay?” He laughed but didn’t answer her question, so she tried once more. “What’s wrong? . . . Spence?”

“No—!” He turned to face her now. His outburst surprised her (and apparently The Team too, as they had all stopped what they were doing to watch the horrific scene unfold. Yet none of the six moved to help The Broken Girl. She deserved that— she deserved the harsh words that were leaving the boy she loved so much), he continued, “You— you don’t get to call me that anymore. You lost that privilege when you left.”

That hurt, but she let him get it out. She knew it was years in the making— she knew it was healthy for him to express himself, even if it was all the anger he accumulated the past two years. He wasn’t yelling anymore, but his tone held all the anger he had been holding for the past two years. The boy’s hands made their way into his curls, pulling at the root. Y/N’s eyes were wide, mouth stuck open.

“Spencer, I-I’m sorry!” Tears were stinging her eyes, causing The Beautiful Boy to go blurry. She was absolutely positive that Spencer could see her unshed tears and she hated herself for it. She felt so fucking stupid. She shouldn’t have come— it was stupid to think he would ever help her.

“Yeah? Well, it’s too late now, Y/N.” He stepped towards her, she took a step back. His heart took the bullet, but he didn’t let it show. And before he could stop the word vomit, he brushed past her, knocking shoulders and said, “You shouldn’t have come back.”

She watched, blurry eyed, as the boy who she still loved ran up the BAU steps and back to the round table. She felt her breath hitch and then she felt her body lower itself into the chair that just so happened to be Spencer’s. She needed to get a control on her emotions. She couldn’t break down— she needed to help The Team help her.

Finding a stalker was hard work, apparently, because it was nearing the late hours of the night and there was still no face to the tyrant who so badly wanted Y/N’s attention. The Team was beginning to burn out, frustrated with the lack of answers. With the lack of safety for their old friend. With the lack of anything that wasn’t naked pictures of Spencer’s Old Girl and threats directed from some deranged place of love.

After Spencer’s meltdown, the two hadn’t talked— let alone made eye contact. It wasn’t without effort though, Y/N had been doing her best to get The Boy Wonder to look her way. Unfortunately though, he seemed to have his own thoughts on the matter. He had kept his back to her for the last three hours. Instead, focusing on the white board in front of him.

Taped to one side of the board were pictures of Y/N as well as the threats she had received in the past few months. Spencer could barely look at that side— he had been focusing his efforts on the left bit. His eyes had been locked on the few leads they did have. Which, to be summed up, was nothing. The Team had The Victim look at the men on the wall— none of which she knew, to their disappointment. This discovery drove them no farther than they were when the girl first walked in.

It was when Y/N was growing antsy again when Hotch’s rough voice spoke up. “We’re not getting anything done here. I think we take the night and come back with fresh eyes. Yes?”

A moment passed, then two. No one moved to disagree with the boss. Y/N stayed put in her seat, watching as her old friends began to pack up their belongings and file out— not without a few comforting words in passing. The Young Girl sighed, standing too, until she noticed a certain genius still staring at the wall, arms crossed.

He had abandoned the sweater that he once wore and was now sporting his well-fitting button down. And damn, it looked good. It was this deep maroon color that he wore so well (Her eyes committed the image to memory, not wanting to forget what a handsome hunk he was. Because, honestly, she knew after all this was done, she’d never be seeing him again). He had rolled the sleeves up to his bicep and unbuttoned the top two buttons, as well as losing the tie that once brought the whole look together. His beautiful curls were aggressively frizzy, sticking up in all the wrong places. It took everything in her not to reach up and fit it, like she used to.

She wanted to speak, she wanted to reach out to the boy. She knew that he hated her— she knew that he was beyond angry with her. She had so many things she needed him to know— needed him to understand. But, now wasn’t the time. Now definitely wasn’t the time to get into the nasty bits that was their past. No, now was the time to save her from the impending doom of this goddamn stalker.

“Spencer?” She asked, before she could stop herself. The boy turned, aggravated— with her, with the situation, with everything. His arms dropped, hands stuffing themselves in his pockets. He bounced on his feet, eyes tired. She continued, “I-I know that you hate me—”

“— I don’t hate you,” It was a lie. She knew that. She knew he was lying, she knew that he was just saying things to make her feel better.

So, she said, “Look, I, um— do you think— could you—”

The angry boy, who’s anger was once again draining with every breath— she had that effect on him—sighed and let the tension leave his body, “Do you want me to take you home?”

Sheepishly keeping the eye contact she had longed for, for so long, she nodded. The girl pulled her arms into her chest, “That would be really great. . . only if you can, though. I don’t want to put you out.”

Another sigh and another bullet to the heart— only this time to Y/N’s and not her ex lover’s. Spencer collected his few things and placed a soft hand on her back, leading her out. And just for a moment, for a moment, it felt like old times. It felt like everything was okay and that they were going back to their place and that everything was perfect.

Sadly though, life was no fairy-tale for the two and there was no perfect ending. The two once lovers sat in the boy’s car, silent and awkward. They were only a few streets from Spencer’s—their old place— place, stopped at a red light. The light was finding it’s way into the car, flashing a beautiful hue on the boy next to her. One of his hands was holding tight to the wheel, the other was laying on the arm rest between them. It took every bone in the girl’s body to not reach out to feel him— it had been so long. She missed his touch.

Maybe it was that feeling that made her do it. Maybe it was just how beautiful he looked that made her say it. Maybe it was the love that she still carried for him (even after all these years) that made her tell him.

“I’m afraid to be alone.” It was quiet and it held all the emotion she had been hiding all day. Spencer’s heart, though ever angry, broke a little for her.

The boy looked over, his mouth opening to ease her in whatever way he could. Before a word left his mouth, the light turned green and the spell was broken between the two. He pushed through, foot pressing on the gas, “You, uh, you can stay with me, if you want.”

“Really?”

“Well, i-it’s just until after we catch this guy.” He paused, blinker on, car passing, turning left, “Then, you go back to whatever life you created.”

“—I didn’t—”

“And then, I’ll go back to pretending you didn’t break me.” Yet another bullet to the heart. She deserved that though, she knew it too.

“I’m sorry, Spencer.”

Another pause of conversation, another blinker and another turn. Then they were home— they were back to Spencer’s. The walk to the small apartment wasn’t a long one. Especially with her body leading the way— muscle memory. What surprised her most was that he hadn’t changed much. Books still cluttered the tables and floors, globes and maps still sporadically placed around each room. The only thing that caught her eye was the lack of photos on the walls— what used to be a map of their relationship was replaced with a white wall.

“Looks the same.” she nodded, unmoving from her awkward stance by the door. “Looks like you.”

He snorted— though, there was no actual humor bedded within. Y/N watched as he stripped his bag from his body, then slipped off his shoes and off with his jacket. They stood together, wishing it was different. Wishing they could go back. Wishing there was no anger. Wishing, wishing, wishing. They’d be wishing for the rest of time.

Like before, like the last night, he was moving fast, breath hitching, “How long?”

“How long?” She echoed him, moving too. Still under the spell, she’d follow him anywhere.

“How long have you—” The boy cut himself off, hands in his curls, pulling them apart—unmarrying the best ones. “How long have you had this problem and not done anything?”

Before she had a chance to tell him, he was whirling on the poor girl, eyes wild, “You should’ve came to us— came to me.” His voice broke at the end, and Y/N could’ve kicked herself for causing him all this pain.

The heartbreaker sighed, “Spencer—”

“Y/N, I’m not playing around. How long?”

A sigh, a look to the floor, then back at him, “I don’t know, really. Maybe six months?”

Another sigh, this time from Spencer. He was sitting on the couch now, defeated, head in hands. “Maybe?”

“I’ve kind of had other things on my mind, Spencer!” It was bitter, angry, but not at him. It was directed at the jackass that had been stalking her. She joined him on the old seat, leaning back and pulling her legs off the floor.

A moment passed between the two— it wasn’t angry or awkward and didn’t hold any resentment, it was just comfortable and that surprised the two considering they hadn’t seen each other in over two years. It was just so easy to fall back into what they used to be.

She looked over at her boy. The window’s curtains were pushed open, the street lights making their way in. Spencer had turned on a lamp in the corner, as well. It was mixing with the lights from outside and casting a beautiful glow on her boy. He was looking down at his hands that were folded in his lap. A pensive look had made its home on his face.

“What’s goin’ on in that big brain of yours?” Y/N laughed, quiet and everything he had missed. The girl bumped shoulders with the boy next to her. He managed a smile, small, but still it was there. Y/N counted that as a victory.

The smile was gone as quickly as it appeared. Spencer cleared his throat and said, “Did you know that sixty-eight percent of stalking victims reported that their stalker physically harmed them?”

Another beat passed. Spencer had turned to look at her now, eyes heavy. Y/N was looking at her knees now, trying to ignore the fear that wanted to bubble up. “And?”

“A-And?” His whole body turned now, one leg folded between the two. His arm closet to the couch had made home on the top of the sofa back, fingers tapping— nervous tick. He had placed other hand on Y/N’s knee, trying to be comforting. She accepted his attempt, thankful for him. “Y/N, I’m saying that could’ve been you. You should’ve come to me when this first started.”

Y/N finally let her eyes meet his. And god, she could’ve cried right then and there. He was so beautiful. She missed him so much. Breaking her spell, she shook her head, “Spencer. . . I didn’t want to ruin anything you might’ve had going on.”

“Ruin any— Y/N/N, you’re not ruining anything by asking for help.” The boy sighed, looking away. His hand tightened once on her leg and her stomach erupted in the same way it always did with him around. Quieter, so quiet she almost missed it, he said, “The only way you’d ruin anything would be by leaving.”

“I’m sorry, Spencer.” The girl caught his eye again, shaking her head. Tears blurred her eyes again. Her hair, now out of it’s bun, fell into her face. With a shaky hand, Spencer batted it back behind her ear. A blush rose on her cheeks, as Spencer’s hand moved to wipe the few tears that had managed to fall. Her voice was thick with tears and it broke him. “I really am, you know?”

A sigh, then a nod from her boy. “Can I ask you something?”

“Always, Spence.” The name struck a cord in his heart, but he let it slide. He had no more energy to fight with her, no more energy to stay angry with his girl. He had nothing left. He was giving up his angry phase— he was letting it flow from his body like sand through sieve. He was giving in to her and the small bits of love that he still held for the beauty in front of him.

“Why’d you do it? Leave, I mean.”

Yet another bullet to her heart. “. . . I don’t know.”

He was moving again. His hands pulled away from her body as if she had burned him— because honestly, she might as well have. With that bullshit response, she might as well have slapped him— to him, there would’ve been no difference and the outcome would’ve been the same. He stood up, back to her. His hands came back up to his hair and she willed him not to pull apart the remaining curls. “That’s bullshit, Y/N! And you know it. . . I-I’m sorry. Just, just don’t lie to me anymore.”

Y/N stood too, arms up in surrender. Arms open like he had a gun pointed at her— because to her, there was no difference between the weapon he wore on his hip everyday and the weapon that spilled from his lips. His back was still to her, so she reached out to touch his shoulder. Careful, not to startle the boy. She wanted to see him, she needed to see him. For a second, her breath was gone, her mind taking her back to that night. She could’ve laughed at how similar the situation was, only reversed. Only now, she was the one begging to be touched, to be listened to. Only now, she was the one who was broken.

Instead of jerking away like he did all those years ago, he turned, sadness present on his face. Y/N’s heart broke for him. Y/N’s heart broke for herself. Her heart broke for the both of them. “I was scared, okay? I was just so scared.”

He turned fully, hands mindlessly finding their way to her hair. They tangled themselves in, tilting her head up. His voice was lower than she had ever heard. It was just barely above a whisper and she fucking loved it. If they were in a different situation, she would’ve been weak in the knees. “Scared? What, Y/N/N?”

She sighed, “I don’t know. . . Scared I’d lose you, scared you’d get hurt and I wouldn’t be there in time. I was just scared, Spence.”

Maybe it was her words that caused his reaction. Maybe the truth he could see behind them. Or maybe it was the emotion that felt so genuine. Whatever it was, he felt himself loosen. He felt the remaining anger dissipate, he was suddenly forgiving her for everything. Because he finally understood. He, for once, wasn’t having to jump to conclusions. For once, he felt they were equals. And because of this, he was pulling her closer, never wanting to let her go. And she was holding him just as tight.

“I’m sorry.” The words were spoken, truthful. Only this time, they weren’t coming from her. No, this time, they were coming from The Tall Genius. And she was pulling back.

“Sorry? Why are you sorry?”

The boy laughed, true and genuine. For once, she could see it reach his eyes. She’s always loved that about him— the fact that he was always able to smile through it all. Through all his pain, he was still able to find the happiness. “I’m at fault too, you know. One person can’t cause all of the destruction.”

“No, you’re perfect.” She believed it too.

“Trust me, I’m not perfect.” He paused, then added. “At all.”

Her hands made their way home— to the sides of his face. She noticed the way he leaned into her touch— he had missed her just as much. Maybe even more. “You’re perfect to me, Spence.”

He laughed again— music to her ears. She wished she could listen to it for the rest of her life. So, she said, “Don’t ever let me go, okay?”

He nodded, suddenly serious, “We’ll get this guy, and then I’ll never let you go again. Not until the day I die.”

And like she had wanted to since she had seen him earlier in the day, she pulled him to her. A kiss shared between them wouldn’t fix everything, but it sure was a start (and that’s all that mattered). “Not even then.”

A dazed look in his eyes. The same one he had after every shared kiss and every time she said she loved him. Though mind far off, he nodded and agreed, “Not even then.”

Then he kissed his girl again— like his life depended on it.

Because, even after all these years, it probably did.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid angst #spencer reid x reader #spencer x reader #matthew gray gubler #mgg #dr spencer reid

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peachcitt · 3 years

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okay, so style reference you say? I'm 👀

YES STYLE REFERENCE I SAY

this is going to be. a very long post i think with probably a lot of tangents and probably with a lot more thorough explanation than you could ever want but. here we go

because all of my theory/explanation posts end up So Long, i like to organize myself by keeping myself to a structure, and i also like to think if i put stuff in sub categories with bolded titles, people reading can skip ahead to the stuff they want if they're low on time or don't feel like slogging through everything. so here's the structure of the official Peach Style Reference Narrative

1. Early Days - how i started writing, my early inspirations, origins

2. Current Days - discussions of current style references plus examples and comparisons, discussions of original content versus fan content

3. Future Days - where i expect my writing to grow, trajectories i want, conclusory thoughts

without further ado, let's get into it!

1. Early Days

like i mentioned on the discord server, ive been writing creatively for. a very long time. i just turned 20 (like. literally today. we love to see it) and that seems very young, but i remember writing creatively when i was maybe six or seven, and before that i played with dolls a lot, which meant every day i was creating little narratives for myself. in addition to this - and this is probably why i started writing so young - i was (and am!) a very avid reader. i was that little jerk in elementary school reading chapter books and going into the older kids' section in the school library because i'd already mentally surpassed the books in the section meant for kids my age. so, basically, ive been writing for maybe 13 or 14 years at the least.

when i was young, my favorite books that i remember trying to copy in my own stories were: the magic treehouse books, harry potter, and percy jackson.

the magic treehouse

i honestly could not tell you which magic treehouse book it was, but i remember reading a specific magic treehouse book where the magic lady that left the treehouse for the kids sends the kids (jack and annie??) a note in distress, and she didn't get to finish signing her name because whoever had gotten her had interrupted her. it had been printed in the book with the ink on her name running.

i could not tell you anything else that happened in that book, but i can tell you that at some point in time soon after i read that book i started writing a story with an interrupted letter just like that. i loved the drama, the mystery of it all. i wanted to do something that was a little scary like that, a little exciting.

harry potter

harry potter isn't much of a style reference, but it was a huge impact of my childhood. truth be told i kind of hated the books when i was really young because i grew up watching the movies, and when i tried to read the books when i was in elementary school, the teenage angst that hits about book 5 simply Did Not make sense to me. i also find the language of harry potter to be super cumbersome, and sometimes it feels to me like the books are long just for the sake of being long. they have a huge cultural impact, but i feel the same way about harry potter's style as i do about dickens. cool and interesting, but, like, could you get to the point already? (and also my opinion of j.k. rowling has steadily been growing worse and worse over the years, for obvious reasons. harry potter is nostalgic for me, but i can't look at it now without thinking about it critically, which really lowers my opinion of it)

however, you could probably call my first fanfiction a harry potter fanfiction. i started it when i was maybe six or seven, and it was a rewrite of the chamber of secrets with my childhood best friend as the main character (she didn't know about it, i just had her as the main character because i thought she was cool). i of course never finished it, but harry potter probably did a huge part of planting that seed of magic in me. everything i want to write included some form of magic - although my perspective on what can be considered magic has steadily expanded over the years.

percy jackson

of all my childhood "style references" that still influence me to this day, percy jackson has got to be the biggest. for starters, it's magic. second, it's main themes are about friendship and family - things that i like all my stories now to always include. third - and most important - is the narrative voice.

in terms of narrative voice, percy has a huge personality. he's witty and snarky, but also very thoughtful and poignant. a lot of my early writing was in first person, and it's probably because of percy. also, percy jackson was the first fandom i really got into, and it was the first media that i started officially writing and posting fanfiction for. percy's voice is so clear and hooking, and i wanted to be able to write something funny and real like that.

also - chapter titles. the original pjo series is famous for its weird and hilarious chapter titles, and even though i didn't really start writing fics or stories that were long enough to need chapter titles until a while later, i loved the idea of putting in a chapter title that would make a reader laugh, or maybe even make a reader feel a little apprehensive about the events to come.

but back to percy's narrative voice. i loved that style, almost conversational, so much that i started thinking like it. when i wasn't doing anything, like walking home in middle school, i often found myself narrating my life in my head like percy would, trying to find that humor and spark in my every day surroundings. i still find myself doing that very often, but not necessarily in the classic pjo style. now i narrate everything in my head a little differently, but that practice narration in my early days really helped my shape my voice, i think.

other series i read when i was younger include: a a series of unfortunate events and the name of this book is secret. i don't remember seeing a lot of influence in my early writing from those books, but i definitely think the styles of those books hit me a little later, which i will talk about in the next section.

but, yeah. these were the big three of my childhood. i also read a lot of ya romance, children's mystery books, princess stories, and various types of fantasy, which i think you could probably tell from the genres i like to stick to now. except i don't write a ton of mystery because, as much as i admire the complicated plots, im not sure if i'd have the patience to plan all that out.

in terms of the rest of the genres, a ton of my earlier writing included classic ya romance and fantasy tropes - chosen girl, love triangles, angsty overpowered teens, etc etc. even though those kinds of stories are not necessarily the kinds of stories i want to write or read now, i think my early writing of those kinds of things was really valuable. it's kind of a dirty secret with finished or unfinished works generally considered 'cringe' - often that writer is a new writer, or they're trying something new, or they just haven't found their voice yet. all of those things are perfectly okay and normal, and a lot of people in the writing community preach that kind of thing, but i don't necessarily see people cutting new writers slack in actual practice. writing "overrused" tropes isn't cringe, it's normal, and, besides, what trope isn't overrused? people have been writing and telling stories for thousands of years - nothing is really new. what matter is that someone new is telling the story, and that's what makes it valuable.

so, yeah, a lot of my childhood writing is cringe to me now, but i wouldn't be where i am without it.

with that being said, let's actually look at where i am now

2. Current Days

im going to break this section down into two parts, sort of: original fiction and fanfiction. because i think both of these things have become really important to me, and i don't believe i personally could exist as a writer without one or the other. it's a symbiotic relationship.

we'll start with fanfiction.

my relationship with fanfiction is relatively positive in online spaces: i write what i want to see from media that i like, and i have fun doing it. i also get some comments on my fics by lovely people that detail exactly what they like - some even go so far to talk about narrative style, voice, or tone - and that's really helpful. generally, i see fanfiction not only as a fun hobby and vent space for my strong positive feelings about certain media, but also as a place for me to try new things, experiment, and earn positive feedback.

i don't often share my original fiction online (and if i do, never at the same scope as my fanfiction), so i don't get that same opportunity to see what "works" with readers. fanfiction gives me the space to see that, and i apply new knowledge ive learned to my original fiction. that's what i mean by a symbiotic relationship.

in terms of specific style references for specific fics (which is what i know you probably most want to see), i'll try my best to pick them all out and give specific examples.

those benevolent stars and i am the messenger by markus zusak

in my favorite book list, i saw you mention tbs, so i'll start there. to be honest, i had no idea what my style reference for tbs was when i first saw your tags, and i almost didn't think there was anything specific. style references are a bit sneaky like that - if you've been referencing for someone for a long time, it becomes less of an intentional reference and more of just a you think, so it gets harder to tell.

lucky for this post, i just finished doing my yearly reread of zusak's i am the messenger, and as i was reading, i noticed a few spots where i was like wait hey i remember doing that.

for starters, iatm has been my favorite book for about six or seven years now, so i would say that some aspects of my style certainly comes from zusak because of how much i love iatm but also his other books. zusak has this huge talent for writing short, punchy sentences that convey so much in just a few words, and i think i've ended up trying to do that in my own writing. often, in my writing you'll see fragmentary sentences such as "He stopped. Blinked. Looked at her." that's not from anything specific, but i know ive written something like that maybe a million times over. zusak doesn't do the same thing - often his fragments are jam-packed with imagery in a way that mine aren't - but there's a thoughtfulness in his fragments that are in mine, too. a sort of pause. a hint that there's thinking happening in the narrator or a certain character. for example, i did a quick flip through of my copy and we have:

"We stare across the table.

Just briefly.

At each other." (I am the Messenger, p.144)

so you see how my common sentence fragment of "he stopped / blinked / looked at her" tracks with a fragment like this? i like the way zusak broke up sentences to make you dwell on them a little longer, consider the importance of each section, so i started doing that wayy before i wrote tbs i think.

also, at the time i wrote tbs, i think i was in the process of, or had just finished doing my reread of iatm, and, like i said, zusak loves imagery. tbs is a very imagery-heavy fic. tbs was influenced by a lot of music - a lot of the scenes have very specific pieces of music that i wrote imagining the tone and vibe of. iatm also references a lot of outside media sources, mostly music and films.

there are a couple of scenes in tbs that i think i wrote specifically mimicking or accidentally referencing from iatm. for example, we have this scene in tbs:

"It was almost like he could feel Marinette’s eyes on his back, steady and gentle. 'But you still love her.”

'Yeah,' Adrien said quietly, 'I still love her.' His eyes moved along a streak of purple that bled into a dark blue. 'I hate her a little bit, too.'

Marinette was silent.

He turned around, giving her a smile." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and this scene from iatm:

"'Do you hate me, Ed?'

Still stupid with bubbles and vodka in my stomach, I answer. Very seriously.

'Yes,' I whisper. 'I do.'

We both smack the sudden silence with laughter." (I am the Messenger, p. 233)

obviously there are differences, and i don't think i did it on purpose, but the interaction is very similar. i love the gentle intimacy of that scene in iatm, that weird complication relationship between the main character and the person he loves, the hurt, the brushing it off with laughter. so i wrote a scene that incorporated those things

zusak is also really good at writing moments of quiet into his books that aren't necessarily important to the plot, but are still important. if you've ever read that ghibli meta post talking about the 'quiet' between scenes in studio ghibli scenes, meant to give both the audience and the characters space to breath, it's like that. nothing in iatm is not imporant - it all serves a purpose, even the quiet moments, and i try to do the same thing. there's moments like that in tbs i think, like:

"Marinette gave him a small smile before turning back to her ice cream. Adrien tried to eat his ice cream a little faster, licking up where it had dripped onto his hand.

They were quiet for a while longer, and Marinette finished her ice cream. She leaned back on her hands and looked up at the dark sky, littered with stars.

He could see them all in her eyes, too." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and in iatm, you get scenes like:

"Our feet dangle.

I watch them, and I watch the jeans on Audrey's legs.

We only sit there now.

Audrey and me." (I am the Messenger, p.120)

so i definitely think tbs is a very i-am-the-messenger/markuz zusak-inspired fic. there's a lot of zusak's quiet, and there's the pieces of zusak's style that i've picked up along the way that really shine in tbs

tomorrow and this body's not big enough for the both of us by edgar cantero

ive talked about cantero a few times recently, but, as you've probably noticed, in relation to my fic called 'tomorrow.' i wrote tomorrow pretty soon after reading this body's not big enough for the both of us, and i used tomorrow specifically to experiment with cantero's visual writing style. in all the books by cantero ive read, there's this kind of hyper-awareness of a film gaze - how a certain scene would be shot on a camera, dialogue as script writing, and other things like that mixed with prose. i thought it was fascinating, and after finishing this body, i really wanted to play around with that idea. so i wrote tomorrow keeping in mind a "film gaze." for example:

"Two figures sitting on a rooftop, silhouettes. The moon hovers over them carefully, a crescent afraid to break the silence. One of the figures takes a breath, looks up into the sky at the hesitant moon, and he sighs. He closes his mouth again." (tomorrow)

versus in cantero's work, where we get descriptions like:

"And then, like a high-heeled coup de grace, she arrived.

She paused briefly outside the door, her hourglass silhouette cast upon the glass panel with the fresh shiny vinyl letters" (This Body's Not Big Enough for the Both of Us, prologue)

the tone of the two excerpts are very different, but there's a very visual sense to both of them, like they are being described from a shot in a movie rather than a regular work in prose. in tomorrow i also work a lot with specific camera imagery - saying where the camera goes in the scene, what it focuses on - and this body doesn't do this too much, but cantero's meddling kids does at least once that i remember.

regardless, after finishing this body, i wanted to try my hand at the visual structure that cantero uses in his works, so i really leaned in to the idea.

chat noir's white french man hit list for feminist purposes and grasshopper jungle by andrew smith

this is, as of right now, the most recent fic on my ao3, and i started it the literal day i finished grasshopper jungle. i think you might be getting a theme here - i read a really good book, and then immediately after i start writing something. the easiest way to get inspired as a writer is to read.

chat noir's hit list is a fic that is very much aware of the fact that it is a story being told - you don't know by who or for what real reason until the end, but it's a self aware sort of story. it's also very snarky and sarcastic, and it expands past just the confines of its own story; it's about chat noir and his hit list, but it also talks in depth about emilie agreste, chat noir's relationship with ladybug, and his relationship with himself. this is very much the kind of thing that you would find in an andrew smith book - grasshopper jungle is a story being told to you, and it's also about more than just the original pieces of the plot. the narrator tells the story that expands past regular confines of the story he means to tell - he's telling the 'history' of his life and his town, but he also talks about his great-great grandfather, the origins of the ketchup his girlfriend's dad eats, and what's happening in other parts of the country as he and his best friend are hanging out. the line in chat's hit list of "stars exploded, the sun did not, life continued on" was very much a grasshopper jungle and andrew smith-inspired line.

at the end of adrien's narration in chat's hit list, he says:

"It should be mentioned at this point in time that this story is not over, although I’ll stop telling it here.

So that’s the story of Chat Noir, who is also Adrien Agreste, who was very much a normal boy, except for the fact that he wasn’t. It’s a sad story, but it is also a happy story, and it is highly confidential. I’m sure you understand." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

and at the end of grasshopper jungle, as the main character is closing out his narration, we get:

What I have written here is not the history of Eden. It is the history of the end of the world. All real histories will be about everything, and they will stretch to the end of the world.

The end of the world started when Andrej Szczerba slid into the cold sea as his boy, Krys, watched and wept and drifted closer and closer to the United States of America.

Nobody knew anything about it." (Grasshopper Jungle, p.382-3)

It's not overtly similar, but the structure is the same: recognition of the end, short summary of where we started and left the story, tag phrase that was used prior in the work. when i was writing the end of adrien's narration, i didn't mean to mirror grasshopper jungle so closely, but sometimes things just happen that way - honestly, so many of the things i do in my writing aren't intentional, they're subconscious. when i make a conscious choice, it's related to plot or to a new strategy im applying to style or voice that i'm not used to, but a lot of the things i do fly under the radar in my brain unless im purposefully trying to piece them apart like i am here.

i will say the meta-story of chat's hit list was pretty directly inspired by grasshopper jungle because i love meta stories, and i like using opportunities to put them in. i just love the idea of reading a story of someone telling someone else a story, which is what the two books by andrew smith i've read have been, and i think that's just fascinating, which is why i used it here.

ive gotten a couple of comments on chat's hit list that liken the narrative style to pseudonymous bosch's the name of this book is secret and lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events, which i thought was really interesting, because i was purposefully trying to make the voice an impression of andrew smith's voice adapted to the tone of ml, but i could definitely see their reasoning.

andrew smith, like i mentioned before, likes specifics - what exactly people were doing at certain times, where a specific bottle of ketchup came from, etc. from what i remember of the name of this book is secret and a series of unfortunate events, i remember the descriptions included in those books chock full of highly specific, snarky details that aren't truly necessary, but do a whole lot in terms of adding a certain flavor to the narration. i won't try and look up examples from unfortunate events and the name of this book, but here are a couple examples:

"See, the thing about Emilie Agreste, formerly Emilie Graham De Vanily, is that she was what could be generously called a ‘radical.’ Born in 1969, like most amazing and world-altering things, Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up in London alongside her twin sister, who is a nice enough woman and who is not really that important to this story, and she was raised with the firm and gentle hands of people who had witnessed war and cruelty and had found that they did not like at all. Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up learning about the true history of England, which is not a very nice history, truly, and she grew up knowing that people with white skin like her were historically not all that great. That, historically, was a very radical thought." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

from chat's hit list, and this:

"In 1905, being seventeen years old made you a man. In 1969 when hungry Jack fought in Vietnam, seventeen years old was a man. My brother, Eric, who was somewhere in Afghanistan, was twenty-two.

Krzys Szczerba came across the Atlantic with his father. They planned on working and earning enough money so Krzys's mother, brother, and two sisters could come to the United States, too. People who did that were called Bread Polacks. They came here to make money." (Grasshopper Jungle, p. 68)

from grasshopper jungle. once again, obviously very different, but you can tell im playing around with that same feeling of giving a surplus of facts in my narration in the same way that andrew smith does. you can't really tell in the grasshopper jungle excerpt, but oftentimes the surplus of 'facts' serves almost a comedic effect, which is definitely something that you can feel in chat noir's hit list.

[REDACTED] and six of crows by leigh bardugo

as a reward for sticking around through this, i'll give out something fun here. the current long fic that ive been working on recently has proved to be very bardugo-inspired, particularly six of crows-inspired.

in six of crows, bardugo gives us action right off the bat and then integrates flashbacks into lulls of action so that there's never truly a dull moment. i found [REDACTED] to be a fic where i wanted to use flashbacks in a similar way, so that i would get something like:

"She doesn’t stay for the whole parade, but she stays for enough of it. Nothing unusual happens, just like always, but she still makes cursory patrols around the city, ending up at the Eiffel Tower, just like always. She sits on the railing way up at the top, and she crosses her ankles, swinging her legs back and forth and humming softly to herself as she watches the sun set.

'Little kitty on the roof, all alone without his lady,' he used to sing when he’d gotten back to their meeting point from patrolling his half of the city before her. It was just a silly little song, one that he’d clearly made up for himself."

It didn’t hurt until he’d been akumatized, and she’d seen that one version of the future - the one where he’d destroyed the whole world because of Gabriel Agreste. She’d seen him then, a lonely figure in white, humming his little song to himself. Who knows how long he’d been like that before she’d been transported to him, how long he’d been really and truly alone. (REDACTED, chapter 1)

and in comparison, we get a lot of scenes in six of crows like:

"Kaz leaned against the ship's railing. He wished he hadn't said anything about his brother. Even those few words raised the memories, clamoring for attention. What had he said to Geels at the Exchange? I'm the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel. One more lie, one more piece of the myth he'd built for himself.

After their father died, crushed beneath a plow with his insides strewn across a field like a trail of damp red blossoms, Jordie had sold the farm. Not for much." (Six of Crows, p.205-6)

bardugo uses most of the flashbacks during a time in which the main characters are on a long sea voyage, which means they have a lot of time to reflect on their pasts and what brought them to these situations - it's a smart way to fill the empty space of the sea voyage and to really dwell on how important the voyage is. in a similar way, i chose to use the flashbacks in dull or lulling moments in the events of the story, ones in which marinette lets her mind wander or sees something that makes her remember something specific.

however, here's a situation where you can see me adapt the style into something that makes more sense for me, personally: in my excerpt, the tense changes between the current events and the flashback events, while in bardugo's excerpt, the tense stays the same at a comfortable past tense. when i was writing my fic with the flashbacks, i thought the constant, sometimes abrupt, switching would get confusing, so i made sure to always have a clear line using the past and present tense that readers could consciously or unconsciously take notice of.

so there are a couple of instances within some fairly recent fics i have that have specific callbacks to specific books. there are a whole bunch more, i think, but these are the ones that ive played around with intentionally the most recently or the most often.

3. Future Days

based on my recent rapid experimentation in fics (the most recent four fics on my ao3 have been very experimental in comparison to most of my works), i really anticipate a lot of growth in my overall style. ive been having a lot of fun experimenting and throwing in things that a few years ago i would've never even thought of, so im really excited to see where that might lead me, style wise.

i think as a writer there's always room for growth and learning, and that kind of growth and learning comes from not only practicing writing, but also reading. i cannot stress enough how valuable and impactful reading is on writing. considering ive been trying to read a lot more than i have been in recent years, it makes a lot of sense that ive been making a lot of weird decisions and learning more about what i want to see in my own writing.

honestly, if you ever want to know about any of my other fics, or you want to see how this kind of thing translates to my original works, just shoot me an ask! this post is already long enough, so i think i'll go ahead and end it here, but just know you can always ask questions<3

thank you so much for asking me this question and letting me indulge, and thank you for reading!!!<3<3<3<3

#ask #miabrown007 #writing #writing meta #writing style #writing style reference #my writing meta #this took. actually i will not say how long this took because i do not want to hurt myself that way #just know that this took a while. did it need to? fucking no absolutely not you didn't ask for something this long i did this to myself #this is why i didn't answer this for a couple days btw i wanted to take time to actually sit down and write down a thorough post like this #for you and i didn't have the time when you first sent it #technically i should not have had the time today but that sort of thing doesn't count in the middle of the night #happy birthday to me im giving myself a super long meta post where i info dump about some of my favorite things #also you did not. you did not ask for writing or life advice and yet i also gave that. im sorry it just happens i don't know how to stop #im so tired. i have class tomorrow (today) my cat's being a little piece of shit. we love to see it #thanks so much for asking this and i seriously mean it when i say you can ask any time #i obviously didn't go over the majority of my fics and most of this was done off of memory alone #(in terms of my own fics. the books i had to flip through to find the quotes i wanted)#so if you have any more questions about a specific fic don't hesitate to ask!! that goes for everyone btw #anyway now i have to pay attention to my cat and then go to sleep goodnight love y'all

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uwumessenger · 4 years

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Can we get general headcanons for a scenario where obey me MC attending their sister's wedding and their sister is MC from mystic messenger 😳😳 I just think it'd be so funny for them to meet each other lmaooo and can mystic messenger MC be getting married to saeyoung ❤️ I love your blog btw you have some cute stuff 😭

mystic messenger x obey me simp nation RISE

ah yes i have been itching to get my hands on this request haha and thank you!! BUT OMG HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY BRAIN? BC OKAY SO LIKE TO FALL ASLEEP I ALWAYS NEED TO HAVE A SCENARIO PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND THIS WAS ONE OF THE SCENARIOS I HAD ONE TIME CJZMNDMSM i dont have an irl crush so all my romantic imaginations consist of the mystic messenger and obey me bois 😌💅🏻

Mystic Messenger MC is Obey Me! MC's sister and she invites the OM MC as well as the demon brothers to her and Saeyoung's wedding!!

(for the sake of lessening confusion, y/n is YOU and mc is the mystic messenger mc (and you can pretend it's you too or an oc i dunno) so let ur imagination run wild!!)

it's also assumed that y/n has already met the rfa, and y/n and mc do not have any other family members. but for some reason i picture that the reception count is large idk maybe all the mystic messenger characters have/made 20 mutual friends each djsksnjs just pretend the reception room is full 😭

also includes one or two spoilers for another story and the main plot for om!

this is long as hell btw dsjkskdjkjd but i separated it into parts + bolded stuff so hopefully it’s not as messy ! enjoy !

when y/n first got news of their sister's engagement, they talked everyone's ears off for WEEKS.

luckily diavolo was like you know what you can go if you take the brothers with you!!!

y/n was scared at first mainly bc um they are demons? and sometimes they act like 7 year olds? but ur like aight bet let's do this!!!!

time skip 2 the day of the wedding

(if ur a gal) y/n's sister made her the maid of honor

(if ur a mans) y/n will be the person walking mc down the aisle

so y/n had to be there fairly early to help with everything as well as get ready for the ceremony and reception

the entire 2nd floor of the nearest hotel to the wedding venue was rented out thanks to jumin !

the brothers took up a total of 2 rooms...lucifer, mammon, and asmo to one room / satan, beel, belphie, and levi to another

lucifer needed to be with mammon and asmo and practically kept them on an invisible leash considering that they have pretty bad self restraint in terms of their sin

but jumin also had to pull some strings to get the ceremony at a space station...hip hip hooray

the station said it was strictly only immediate family though, so the ceremony was just mc, saeyoung, y/n, jaehee (only bridesmaid/maid of honor if y/n is a boy), saeran, yoosung, jumin, zen, and v

saeyoung is in awe as he watches mc walk down the aisle...hes dreamed of this moment his entire life!

who would have known they'd actually manage to get married in a space station?? :')

after saying their vows, mc and saeyoung kissy kiss and all is HAPPY

idk how weddings work in terms of scheduling so let us simply time skip to the reception

the brothers pull up skrrt earlier than most guests but they arent the first ones to arrive

cue mammon, levi, and asmo arguing over where y/n should sit

satan interrupts and clarifies that y/n will be sitting at the head table with their sister. they r salty

oKAY UHHH time to start the reception!!

y/n and zen duetting???? beauty and the beast????? as they escort mc and saeyoung in for their slow dance???? YES PLEASE

like in the style of ariana grande and john legend

when the brothers see y/n as they sing the first line of the song they ! almost ! combust !

mc and saeyoung slow dance to the song and everyone has tears in their eyes. yoosung is crying into saeran's arms as saeran holds back tears. jaehee is crying bc she and y/n coordinated the entire thing and shes happy but also feeling stressed.

dinner is buffet style, and lucifer's attention and energy is now directed toward beel. this is a formal human event and not one of diavolo's parties where people are used to him hogging everything down...

but y/n was smart enough to help get the brothers' table to be seated next to the buffet so after all the other tables get their food beel could secretly go ham

the first interaction between rfa and the brothers happen between lucifer and v

v could see that lucifer was kinda struggling and decided to check in on him before checking in on the other guests

they end up talking a lot. mostly about how they both lied to their respective squads to try to protect them from the truth

lucifer of course tones the story down and doesnt give away that they r demons, though

y/n saw levi all pissy alone at the table so they grabbed yoosung and introduced him to levi. they were awkward at first but once yoosung mentioned LOLOL levi was all ears and they bonded over different games

y/n stays a bit to make sure levi doesnt reveal anything sus

meanwhile, asmo is flirting with zen. complimenting his singing from earlier as well as his rat tail

zen mentions that asmo's skin is glistening and the two of them go crazy over different skincare brands

asmo may or may not have accidentally said that he uses a lamb blood and aloe vera mixture yes i just made that up which confused zen but zen's reaction further confused asmo until asmo remembered !! im in the human world

so he played it off as a joke and told zen that he shouldnt furrow his eyebrows much otherwise he'll wrinkle quicker

as saeran walks to the ice cream station next to the buffet he sees beel holding an entire tray of fish with a suspicious looking belphie standing next to him

when belphie and saeran lock eyes the energy in that corner of the room turns so dark that you could see storm clouds forming over them : ◉ ∧ ◉ : ╏

anyway jaehee, like v, was checking in with the guests when she spots mammon investigating a gold doorknob

mammon nearly shits himself when jaehee taps him on the back and asks him if he is okay

satan compliments elizabeth the third when he sees jumin petting her on the balcony. they talk about cats for a while and jumin tells satan that he enjoys the company of another man elizabeth deems worthy to be in her presence

by the end of the night

everyone is helping with cleaning up the ballroom after all the other guests have gone

jumin thinks that beel is cool, since he ate all the food provided as well as the mochi party favors

mammon volunteers to take home all of the extra centerpieces and decorations. before lucifer says no, mc and seven tell mammon hes more than welcome to take them all home. it would just sit in their house and collect dust, anyway

when everyone is back in their hotel room (y/n stays with jaehee for the night so mc and saeyoung can get it on) yoosung invites levi to play some games with him in his room

zen shares a room with yoosung and eagerly watches the two boys playing

asmo needs to follow his sleeping schedule so he peacefully goes to sleep while dreaming of not-so-appropriate things. he’ll be back on his bullshit tomorrow

lucifer is trying to help mammon figure out a way to organize all the freebies he got to prevent all of it from falling everywhere when they go back to devildom. he also sets a centerpiece aside for diavolo to keep. cute!

belphie is knocked out and so is beel (food coma)

satan stays with jumin for a bit, wanting to be around elizabeth the third a bit longer, then returns to his room around 2am. he sees that levi isn’t back in the room and texts for him to return soon.

bonus!

mc and saeyoung are <3333333′ing

unfortunately y/n and jaehee can hear it, as well as v since their rooms sandwich mc and saeyoung’s

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satoruvt · 3 years

Text

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

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sexysilverstrider · 4 years

Note

I would love to see a you rank all the dating sim games you’ve played from best to worst!

hello hello! sorry for the late reply! i wanna reply this with a read more but i cant do it on mobile hhh BUT IM ON LAPTOP NOW HAHA lets do this :3c

take note that these are the otome games ive played so far. and when i say otome games, i meant actual dating sim games where the aim of the game is getting to your favourite characters good end in their route. so im excluding any non-main dating games like fire emblem and rune factory and the like. LETS BEGIN

FAFAR’S TOP 11 OTOME GAMES

TWILIGHT BLOOD

the only reason i downloaded this game was uhhh hot guys. the story was mediocre tbh. no voice acting. relies too much on sexy scenes with was fun at the first few chapters but then eh :// also if u wanna be a f2p it sucks coz they practically force u to pay to move on with the story and yeah....not worth it. 2/10

Love Story of Share House

made by HUNEX.CO, the games about mc moving to a share house with a bunch of hot dudes. The DreamTM. no voice acting but the characters are bearable. ive played the meganes route because thats who i am as a person and mr moustache man. latters route was okay. the story does have smutty elements so that surprised me tbh hahahha. its okay imo and u can be f2p to finish each route :) 4/10

My Horse Prince

can you BELIEVE this game got better ranks than the previous two??? its about mc wooing a horse. with a mans head. horses body. i cannot simplify this enough. the reason it beating the 2 games before is because it made me lose my shit SO MUCH i remembered tears coming out of my eyes coz this game is a fcking ride. mc has 1 braincell and its for the sexy horse man. f2p and im thankful for that. no voice acting and honestly im glad it doesnt. 5/10

Hatoful Boyfriend

a classic game. no voice acting. there ARE gijinkas and drama cds however outside of the main game. in the main game u get to date pigeons. actual pigeons. i believe this game was unironically enjoyable like 10-15 years ago. dont be fooled by the pigeons. some of their routes can be EMOTIONALLY NASTY. i cried at one of the pigeons. i lost sleep but its what i deserve. 5/10

Hakuoki

my first ever dating sim game!! hence the 3ds picture. full voice acting. it was p enjoyable and while i know the steam version covers most of what the 3ds lacks, i love playing the routes and this was the first game tht traumatized me at the sight of a bad end. sadly not a fan of the canon route despite me loving stoic emotionally guarded characters. i do enjoy the other routes and okita souji has my heart and soul i love and hate him. 6/10

Ephemeral

another game by HUNEX.CO. compared to the share house game, i ADORE this one. its surprisingly a sweet mobile otome game! f2p friendly! no voice acting, but they make it up with the story and characters. basically u got tsundere wolf. baby invisible man. yandere mummy. bastard but then gets soft to you vampire. guess who i love in the end. also sidenote the reason this gets higher ranks is the vampires routes alone (they have dating route AND lovers route all in one game) and also the invisible mans route broke me as a person. i hate it. so much. oh my god. 7/10

Amnesia

my second otomate/aksys game! when i found it its sold in google store i legit bought it and left my assignments to play flksdnfjdbf. full voice acting. VERY interesting stories. v intense stories too so its not fun playing at night lol sometimes. all the characters are loveable to each players ref. some of the routes do irk me which sucks coz i have to finish all in order to unlock the canon route. i DO love the canon character so its fine. this game is the game that introduced me to fear in a form of a toma. 8/10

Code: Realize

HONESTLY A GAME WHERE I LIKE ALL THE CHARACTERS LMAOOO!! all the routes are great and the full voice acting has me scream. a lot. also they have A LOT of post stories that are released internationally so it makes me love the characters (saint-germain) even more. i believe this is the game that actually made me love the yandere. so i gotta give kudos to that. the canon route is really lovable! the stories can be a mix of cute and angst so its a wild ride when i played it ;w;b 9/10

Ikemen Sengoku

honestly one of my fav and long-running mobile otome game!! the game is f2p but you need to be veeery patient to finish one route (in my case i sometimes am patient. other times im not). partially voiced. the best thing about this game is THERE IS A LOT OF CHOICES LMAOO n youre not obligated to do a route of a character youre not too keen. the characters are both lovable and stupid. the mc has 1 braincell and shes using it to helps these hot morons. sugitan is there. bfkdjbfdkj also the stories are smutty and its so goood i remembered screaming a lot. their stories range from funny to sad to angsty to romantic its a roller coaster ride. 9/10

Collar x Malice

i LOVE all the characters. i LOVE all the routes. i even love the villain of this series. which is why it gets number 2 in my book. the stories can get intense but when the cute romantic funny parts hit it hits you off guard and it just makes u laugh or scream or cry or all in 1. im a big kaji yuki fan so to finally get to play a game where kaji yukis character is in it just earns this game a top spot in my heart. a very special spot too considering his character is my fav character and route hehehhe! its sequel is coming out (n im getting it tmrrw eyy). love it so much! and the canon character is easily my 2nd fav character too! 10/10

Mystic Messenger

this game easily ruined my sleep schedule. at one point my body automatically woke up at 3 am at the single sound of a beep EVERY TIME. just to text some fictional characters. i even got out of class once to respond to jumins call. i hate this game. the games gameplay is so unique and fun and all the characters are very VERY lovable. i love all the characters and their routes. while the voice acting happens during certain cgs (full voice in all scenes in vs and saerans routes) it redeems itself with the amazing voice calls. i laughed A LOT whole playing this game. its absolutely amazing. did you know that i bawled in saerans route? bawled? as in cried in absolute anguish and sobbed nonstop? and stared at the blank screen????????? once in front of my own mother and again alone in the darkness of my own room? my heart was shattered in pieces and it literally felt as if the love of my life is gone for good. 11/10

#ask #anon #fafar yaps #ill add this here too for refs hehe #man i miss mystic messenger #ive deleted the app from my phone but i do keep track of the games update #i miss jumin...i miss saeran....#saerans route WRECKED me #jumins route just makes me feel giddy #but yeah other than mm the top 5 otome games are easily my fav n ill play again n again heheh

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dadbodsarehot · 4 years

Text

reunion;

rating: general. uh fc5 spoilers i guess if anyone like.. cares about that here

pairing: the chosen ones ( familial; joseph + malachi seed )

words: 696

summary: ive been debating on whether or not to post this for like. too long. just take it im tired of wrestling w whether or not to post it

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"Joseph Seed?" The voice behind him, echoing off the walls of the vacant church, is a surprise- but not a terribly startling one. People came here looking for him often enough- they got a lot of converts from the surrounding areas, runaway children and homeless 20-somethings. From the looks of him, the effeminate young man in front of him when he slowly turned around was in the first camp.

"What can I help you with?"

"My... my name is Malachi. I've.. I've been looking for you." He plays nervously with the sleeves of a much too large hoodie. "We need to... I need to talk to you."

"Malachi.. messenger of God." The tone he uses is his most soothing, to help with his nerves; it seems to work, at least a little bit. Joseph can't help but smile- that name had always been one of his favorites. "What is it that you would like to talk about? Would you like to join us here at the Project, my child?"

The affectionate name makes him bite his lip anxiously; had his parents forced violence upon him? It wasn't an uncommon story, here. There is something almost familiar about him, about the freckles that dot the bridge of his nose and climb up the side of his neck- about the wide, pale green eyes that look into him instead of at him. Why can't he put a finger on what it is?

"Well, uh. No, I...You're not, uh. Far off. About, one thing. I mean. I'm your.." He pauses like he doesn't know exactly which word to use, and diverts his gaze away from him and to the floor, then the ceiling, and then back at him. "You're my father."

It is all at once that Joseph realizes with a feeling like a punch to the gut why this young man looks so familiar. The last time he had seen those eyes, they were framed with thick lashes and a different smattering of freckles- were looking up at him from a mess of tubes, the only echo of someone already gone. He slips his sunglasses off and takes several steps forward to get a better look- they nearly fall out of his shaking hand.

"You can't be... I.. I..." He feels like his legs are going to give out. If his flock could see him now, they wouldn't recognize him. Would any man react well to seeing a ghost?

"I know... I know what you. But I am. I shouldn't be. I shouldn't have.....survived. My parents... my adoptive parents. They said that everyone there that day.... none of them could explain it. That it was......a miracle."

Joseph is close enough now, to reach out and touch the face of his greatest sacrifice, to take it in his hands. Despite knowing what he's done, what he tried to do, the young man doesn't flinch away from him- his eyes like pistachio and mint slip closed in a gesture of ultimate trust. It feels like the highest blessing he's received. "A miracle....did a miracle bring you here, too, Malachi?"

"God brought me here." The words and the conviction with which he says them send a chill down Josephs' spine. He should have known. "He told me to find you, where you would be....he told me to get here by any means necessary. My parents.. I knew I would have to....they wouldn't....They were my-"

"Your test." Joseph finishes, voice small, and the child underneath his hands suddenly looks ten years younger than he is, eyes swimming with an emotion deep enough to pull him under and drown him. He recognizes that look- hope. For all that he was always sure that he would have failed as a father, despite his title, he knows exactly what to say. "Just like you were mine."

"I knew it." The smile that spreads across his face looks too much like his own and not enough like Hers- but it's still perfect.

Two sets of eyes, one green and one blue, fill with traitor tears, the gentle press of foreheads together a union not unlike their shared revelation.

“It was all a part of His plan."

#my writing #f: the chosen ones #that tag is probably uh. bad #like this fic #but hey! shut up #i havent slept in 2 hours so im making bad choices #*23

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fandom-collective-writers · 4 years

Text

Reader x Jihyun Kim {MysMes} - Letters to Heal a Broken Heart

Title: Letters to Heal a Broken Heart Fandom: Mystic Messenger Character: Jihyun Kim Genre: bittersweet? romance Warnings: spoilers for his good ending! Intended Gender Audience: Neutral Audience Word Count: 2040 words POV: second person Other comments: no smut but im proud of this! please note that everything with the push back is a letter! i think its pretty clear, but i wanted to make sure it’s understood <3 Written by: @mythiica Req:

Dear –

I’ll admit, it feels a bit strange writing a letter for you, but my therapist recommended it. He told me to explain my emotions with words, saying it would help me become more confident.

See, the reasoning behind it, at least from what I remember, is that there is no pressure to think quickly. Writing allows a flow, a sense of movement between the words before you pick which one you wish to use. Talking is different because it follows a completely contrasting rhythm. To keep a conversation going, you have to speak rather quickly so the person stays engaged in the topic.

It’s all really interesting, and my therapist has given me a book over the fundamentals of other practices like this. I read half of it on the plane to Japan.

To clarify, I’m writing this from my hotel room in Tokyo. I landed a few hours ago and the jet lag has yet to hit me, so I decided to take advantage of this time to write.

I think you’d like it here – the sakura are in full bloom and I have three days dedicated to photographing the sea of pinks as they ripple in the wind. Until now, I’ve only seen pictures of the famous parks, and I never thought that I would be able to witness them in person.

I didn’t think I’d

I never conside

Ah, I should mention, I’m not allowed to erase or cross out sentences I start. Another confidence booster? It’s a bit sillier, but it’s meant to force me to say what is on my mind, rather than letting it fester. I’ll try again:

During my years under Mint Eye, my vision was narrowed, and I had only one duty. However, I am learning to broaden my horizons and expand my mind to encompass everything. The urge to explore bubbles in my chest, waiting for the moment to come out. There are so many chances to do anything, and I’ve got all the time to do all of it.

I’ve also realized that I went over my word limit. I have to stick to 300 words or under. Confidence booster #3! Express yourself with less words. Take a guess of how many times I’ve opened the thesaurus, looking for better synonyms for words? At least seven times in the past five minutes. It’s crazy!

For now, I’ll sign this off and try better next time.

よりご多幸を祈って

Jihyun Kim

PS, I’m practicing my Japanese! That says best wishes… I think.

नमस्कार

Hello and greetings from India! I took a long nap on the plane, and forgot to write. Although I’m only passing through, I ate some delicious food (that I should really try to replicate for you). India is absolutely beautiful – from the sunrises to the bustling markets to the colorful fabrics hung at every corner. I’ll inhale the air and smell six things at once, albeit, not all of them are the best, but I embrace it nonetheless.

More about what I’ve been doing: funnily enough, my phone died on the bus ride, but I made a new friend named Sunmi, and she was kind enough to lend me her charging cable. Instead of ending the interaction there, we spoke for a few hours at least. I learned she was traveling with her friends on a photography excursion. She gave me all the information, and I’d like to look into it when I have wifi again.

You wouldn’t believe what they’ve seen! Last year they went to Antarctica through South America. She got to pet a penguin! Apparently the company also takes people to Greenland and New Zealand – some places I’ve been dreaming of visiting since I was a young boy.

I’ll use my last 100 words to mention that… I’ve gotten a bit homesick. I miss the RFA – well, the people from the RFA minus…

Don’t tell Jumin about the company though, he’ll insist on flying me around with his private jet. I want to experience for myself. Saeyoung is somehow messaging me when I don’t have service? I don’t… understand. Anyways, I also saw Zen landed a huge international role (someone had a magazine on the plane). Otherwise, I hope Jaehee and Yoosung are well. And Elizabeth the 3rd of course. Send them my wishes.

I didn’t forget about you though! The keychain you gave me reminds me of home every day. It might have lost an eye, but I found a button and stitched it on. And I also wanted to ask you–

Ah, I’m over again.

Next time.

Jihyun Kim

Iyi günler! I am in Turkey now and actually writing this on a boat. The sun is setting over the horizon, making the sky change colors with every passing minute. It’s breathtaking, but I wish you were here with me. The other passengers and I take turns standing at the front of the boat, and I sometimes linger, trying to take pictures.

Good news! My vision is getting better. I’ve been taking some Greek herbal remedies, and the seem to be helping. Either that, or they have a wonderful placebo effect. Has that ever happened to you? To think something is working, but you’re just imagining things?

I apologize, maybe that stirred bad memories for you.

Back to Turkey: I stepped out of my comfort zone and spent a night camping. Honestly? I was terrified of doing so, but now I want to do it every night. It is the perfect temperature for hiking, even though I am a bit sunburned.

So many people have been commenting on my hair. Good things mostly, and I started styling it with a bit of gel to keep it out of my eyes. It feels good to look people directly rather than through a curtain.

What are you up to? Hosting anymore parties? I imagine that you are keeping busy, as always of course. My therapist said it would be best to wait messaging you until I return home. I nearly called you a week ago, but I didn’t want to break my vow. It’s like lying to myself, and I know better than that now.

Still, it doesn’t stop me from dreaming.

Sending love,

I’m genuinely angry, but writing to you always calms me. Someone stole my bag – I luckily didn’t have much in it, but your keychain… can you make me a new one please? Now that I don’t have it, it’s almost like I’ve lost a part of you. It hurts a lot, but then I wonder if I am being silly. It’s just a keychain.

Otherwise, France is nice. I didn’t want to go to Paris, so instead I traveled through the countryside to visit a few wineries.

Yes, I did… drink a bit, but I wasn’t impaired when my bag was stolen!

You would laugh at me if I told you what happened, so I will save the story for another time. Before coming to France, I went through Germany and visited some of the most beautiful castles I’ve ever seen. They all looked like they could be straight from a fantasy movie set, and I was convinced one – Neuschwanstein Castle – actually was.

I’ve barely written anything despite so much happening.

I got a haircut (finally), because it was becoming a hassle to tie it back at night.

One evening, I fed some stray cats and they followed me home.

And a drunk (?) tried to play cards with me. But he didn’t have cards. He was dealing an imaginary deck.

Other stories will have to wait until I see you again, and I feel better now. It’s okay to be upset, but it won’t hinder my trip any more.

Je t'aime,

Jihyun

Alaska doesn’t have a night.

That’s not exactly true, but it’s basically true. The hotel has special curtains that block the light, and it is only dark for a few hours.

It has been many miles since I last wrote, but I was caught up in visiting show after event after party after exhibit through America. Their art has given me a new perspective on point of view and emotions, so I hope that the ten camera chips I’ve filled with photographs will be able to convey the same sense of awe.

I’ve also been mistaken for an idol? Like – multiple times. Interesting to say the least, maybe I’ll say yes to the next person that asks. What should my stage name be? I’ll spare you the embarrassment and not share my ideas. They are all very silly and no one would believe me if I told them my name was Cam Ra. Do you get it? It’s bad, I know.

I’ll be returning home soon, unless I get distracted or impulsive and go down to California and Hawaii before coming back. I want to – it doesn’t feel right to return just yet. But that doesn’t mean anything about you!

Really, I think about you and everyone else each day.

Have you met new people? We’ll exchange so many stories…

See you soon,

J K

You pace around, waiting for the last guest on the list to appear. The party started an hour ago, but he still has not arrived. Then again, it has been three months since anyone heard a whisper from V, and you start to lose hope. Swallowing hard, you remind yourself that V is having a wonderful time exploring the world and finding himself.

Taking a handful of your dress, you turn and head through the doors to the main room. Jumin tries to pull Saeyoung away from Longcat, Yoosung explains his most recent surgeries to a group of nurses from his work place, and Jaehee receives many compliments for her majestic cake.

Everyone is happy and has moved on.

You hope V has too.

Maybe all the wishing and praying finally paid off, because you hear his familiar voice calling out behind you. It’s a long shot, but you turn around nonetheless, thinking it is a different guest.

Instead, you see Jihyun, wearing the most dazzling smile you’ve ever seen, running towards you. He’s carrying a folder filled with papers, but that doesn’t stop him from embracing you. He smells rugged, like his voyage has transformed him, but you rather like it.

“Jihyun!” You melt against his hug. “You’re.. Here… you’re here!”

Your squealing draws everyone’s attention, but he focuses on you and only you. “Of course I’m here. I missed you more than I can verbalize.”

His stance is open, welcoming, and confident, much different from two years ago. He is a different person now, brave and proud. Jihyun offers you the folder. It is strange to gift something in the middle of a party, but you accept it anyways, happy he has returned.

Jihyun’s heart races as he explains. “I wrote you letters every time I went somewhere new. These are just a few of them, really I have so many. But each shows something I’ve learned.” He takes a breath and laces his fingers with yours. “This is sudden, and I’m sure you will need time to think about it, but I’m trying something new: asking without being afraid. Over the past two years, I’ve… longed for you. Art has shown me the power of friendship, joy, perseverance, and most importantly, dedication. I want to dedicate my art to you, if you’ll stand by my side.”

You can’t find the words to express yourself because you are so awestruck. He truly has changed, but he has embraced himself and his life. Tears start to roll down your cheeks from the overwhelming surge of emotions. Jihyun brushes them away and presses his forehead to yours.

“I still have much to learn, but I want to do it all with you.”

“I’d like that a lot, Jihyun,” you whisper, captivated by his intense gaze.

“And I can finally say this without fear–”

You tip your head up, and Jihyun kisses you the next moment. His lips are chapped and the warmth radiating from his skin envelops you. He doesn’t need words to communicate it, because you understand perfectly what he is trying to say.

#mysmes #mystic messenger #mysmes v #mysmes jihyun #jihyun kim

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