#but it was ugly to colour in any case so just take this <3

[buckyysdoll]

— 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭 —

જ⁀➴ — • on the flight back from a gruelling case, fatigue hits you much harder than you’d quite expected … <3 cw: canon typical refs, eg child murder, brief ref to blood — nothing else? pairing: aaron hotchner x f!reader xx

MAIN MASTERLIST

As far as work went as a federal agent, most of the time it was hard. It came with the role, but today, somehow, you were so damn exhausted it actually hurt.

Every single part of you ached, every one of your bones seeming strained near to breaking. If it wasn’t for you going back now you thought you might’ve had your own breakdown, before long.

You’d been holed up in Boston for nearly six days altogether, and were only just now taking off. Fatigue was a physical weight, something ugly, that dragged down your mood and the others’ as well.

You all knew jobs like these always took their toll one way or another; you only hoped that the flight would allow for some recuperation — however brief it would be.

Because the truth? This case had been gruesome, even more than the ones you’d grown used to by now. With no less than eight child murders in just four days, the young unsub had been male, and a sadist.

He’d killed for pleasure alone but was finally caught — all thanks to you, and your team. You held on fast to that truth, even as you still hoped that he’d rot in that cell for his penance.

Ten minutes ago, when you’d first closed your eyes, you’d still seen the flash of that blood. So much of it. But now with just over under an hour left before landing, sleep tugged at your bones.

And was welcomed.

The report for this case would be written up once you arrived back to Quantico’s base, as Hotch had told you just fifteen minutes ago from beside you. You’d wanted to talk. They would be in your hands, these findings, and you wanted his thoughts, his unclouded judgement.

Something about the man just steadied you, though you couldn’t have voiced it aloud if you tried.

Conversation around you had dimmed, as though you were held underwater, suspended. Derek’s smooth voice sounded in laughter, while Reid spoke in quick and somewhat heated debate.

He was no doubt proving Morgan horribly wrong, and you registered a vague sense of pride. You loved your whole team, every one, and yet maybe just a little more for one certain agent …

Vacant, you let the thought slide. You barely even felt yourself falling asleep. Still, you could register the soft, cologned scent of that someone through your half-conscious mind.

You didn’t even feel as your head tipped, fell on to his — aaron’s — black-blazered shoulder. Everybody else saw it though, saw Hotch’s eyes snap from his papers to your face.

Impossibly, those tanned cheeks warmed. Colour stole up his neck — and Aaron Hotchner was blushing.

To be honest, he’d barely even been able to read the damn file, what with you beside him. It was a genuine caution to have you so close by his side when he was meant to be working.

Now though, his soft smile betrayed him. Just like always. Just for you.

“You good over there?” Of course, Morgan — all sly and smirking as he nodded at Hotch. His voice was quiet, also conscious not to wake you, but it carried enough suggestion in it nonetheless.

If he could, Aaron too would be sleeping — but your presence stirred him and kept him awake. you were so close, and his heart kicked into overdrive at the warm weight of your head on his arm.

The strands of your hair, so soft, fell across his chest just a little from your angle. Try as he might, Aaron couldn’t help but breathe in the smell of perfume, of shampoo.

God help him.

“All good.” His voice was steady as always, but clipped enough to send the message across. Don’t you start, was the unsaid warning, but his soft, gentle tone overrode any bite.

You felt safe enough to sleep on him. Comfortable enough to lean up on his arm.

Aaron ignored Derek’s jibe, knew how much it was apparent on this plane that he loved you. They all could see it, could feel it in how his demeanour had shifted, how your touch was what anchored him down.

He was so stoic, so good at his job that they often forgot he could be like this — not an agent but a man, just a man so in love with a woman that he’d be her reprieve, if he could.

They all knew how he felt for you, but they’d let him voice it in his own time. And while they teased, they also knew that you felt the same, too.

Neither one of you could face it quite yet.

Warmth spread in the arm with you on it, nerves firing to life underneath his clothed skin. He wanted to reach out and brush back a strand of your hair — but he didn’t. He didn’t.

Would not.

Instead, he shifted in his seat, aware that more eyes were now on him — all smiling. It was so rare to see Hotch this soft and they loved him more for it — for that vulnerable side.

That which you alone brought out of the agent. Through his soft spot only for you.

Aaron felt his own eyes pull down in exhaustion, but he fought to ensure they stayed open. He reread the same damn page at least five or six times before closing the file for good.

There was only about twenty minutes left anyway until landing. Until you would wake.

“Watch it,” he just muttered at Derek’s damn smirk, at even Spencer’s light, knowing eyes. Gideon, too, was hiding his smile with some effort, playing chess with young Reid.

Aaron knew he wouldn’t live this down anytime soon, not with the teasing colleagues he had. He remembered that thought, how it lingered, how he couldn’t even care about that fact in the moment.

For twenty minutes later instead found you both now asleep, him too lulled by the flight. Aaron’s head had tipped down onto yours, his cheek pressed close to your crown.

Soft spot, indeed.

#criminal minds #criminal minds fics #cm #cm fic #aaron hotchner #agent aaron hotchner #hotch #aaron hotchner imagine #hotch x you #aaron hotch x reader #hotch x f!reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotch x you #hotch x female reader #hotch x y/n #hotch x fem!reader #aaron hotch imagine #aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotch fluff #aaron hotch fic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotch hotchner #ssa aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x y/n #ssa hotch #ssa hotchner #hotch imagine #agent hotch #hotchner

[lollytea]

ms. lolly i'm getting glasses and i'm afraid i'm going to look uglier than usual in them. i don't want people to make fun of me (esp. not the guy i like. i dont think he will bc he's sweet but im still anxious) but. i'm afraid that people are gonna tease me. idk what to do and im super nervous bc i'm not attractive and i think the glasses are gonna just bring that out. do u have any tips on getting over that, as a glasses-wearer? (at least im assuming by your pfp)

sorry to disturb u with my silly ask but i hope u have a great day <3 love ur writing and huntlow posts

Hello! This kind of thing is hard to give advice on but I'll try my best :D! It's kinda like asking what kind of clothes will make you feel the most confident when only you know for sure what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. But I can definitely give you my opinions on glasses and what I feel best in and maybe you can take it into consideration.

(EDIT: OH MY GOD. I wrote a good bit about choosing glasses to feel nice in but I just read the ask again and it's possible you've already gotten them. Just scroll down to the bottom of the ask and I'll talk a bit about that if it's the case.)

You worry about not liking the way you'll look with glasses. That's okay, I've been wearing them since I was little so I feel really ugly without them. It's fine to feel a little insecure. But hopefully you'll find a pair that you think you like nice in!!

For the first ten years of wearing glasses, I had really small, thin wiry ones. Blegh. No wonder I felt so ugly during that time. They were not it. Was looking like this bitch.

But just cuz I didn't like the way they looked on me doesn't automatically mean you won't! Everyone's face is different.

Size matters (HAH) to me. I feel more happy and confident with the way my face looks with glasses depending on how big they are. I like how big glasses look. So when I was 18 I got THESE frames

And I liked them a lot!! I decided I like big wide glasses. So any frames I got from this point forward would look kinda like this.

However!! I kinda regretted the colour. It's like having a big big blocky border around your face dulls it a bit. So when I got new ones a few years later, I wanted them to be lighter. To brighten up the face area. These ones!!

They're pink!!! Or red maybe. But they're pink to ME!!! They are also EVEN BIGGER than the black pair I had. They're HUGE asgdbjnk. And I love them huge. The bigger the better. They're not really circular but they're also kinda roundish and I like that too.

So I guess think about the size, shape and colour. Would you like something more subtle like a small pair? Would you like them big and round? Getting them in a colour that you like Would definitely help!!

The thickness of the frames also matters. Maybe, since you're a little worried about how you'll look wearing them, you'd like something thinner? More subtle? Something in a pale colour/or without much of a border at all? Something that doesn't hide your face

Maybe something similar to this?

(I mean the frame thickness, not the size ahsbdjnk. We don't know what size you'd like yet.)

I kinda want glasses that look like this. I want thin gold ones like Miss Willow Park from hit Disney channel show the Owb Houb. However I don't really have that option. I'm borderline blind so I need the thick plastic frames to hold the thick as fuck lenses ahsbdjnk.

But since this is your first pair your eyes probably aren't nearly as bad and you have way more options!!

OKAY!! So if you've already chosen your glasses and are still worried about how you're going to look in them.

Alright, there are never any easy answers to this problem. How to get over not liking the way you look. People definitely like to pretend it's easy, that "Love yourself! Everyone is beautiful! :)" are these magic words that will suddenly rewire our brains into being happy and content with ourselves after a lifetime of feeling like the odd one out. When some people are put on a pedestal for how they look and some are not. It's hard to say physical ugliness doesn't exist when it's been beaten into everyone's heads that it does.

Despite everyone's best efforts to dismantle the concept of beauty standards, they persist relentlessly. They're roots in our brains, roots in society, and they're roots made of iron. So it is nobody's fault for being unsatisfied with themselves even after trying for so long to forcibly inject some girlboss confidence into their bloodstream. Its hard. It will always be hard.

If self love isn't easy at the start, aim for self neutrality. Just not hating is a good place to start.

It seems like you're not comfortable with yourself without glasses, so maybe if we start with that, your face with glasses will be way easier to accept.

In the end, you only have the one face to get you through this lifetime. And it's a lifetime you will waste if you spend it wishing it was different.

Everyone's face is a rearrangement of facial features, none of which are inferior to anyone else's, no matter what we've been mentally trained to believe.

You're a masterpiece all on your own. Every feature on your face belonged to someone in your family who came before you. Every feature you have was once adored by someone else. Specifically because it was a feature that belonged to a very wonderful person.

One day there will be someone who loves you more than anything. They'll love you so much than when they see a face that even looks remotely like yours they'll think that it's beautiful.

If it helps, mess around with your appearance a little. What colours do you like? Patterns? Skirts? Button up shirts? Long hair? Short hair? Dyed hair? Cardigans? Jangly jewelry? Figure out what's the most beautiful to you and add them to yourself. If you don't like your face, drown it out with what you do like. Until it gets to the point where its so distinctly you that you couldn't imagine this whole look without your face attached to it.

If you get to that point where you can feel happy with how you look as your default, then sliding a pair of glasses on and off shouldn't make much of a difference.

Thank you for telling me you like my writing and my posts. You seem sweet. I'm sure that's what people think when they're reminded of you. I'm sure that's what the guy you mentioned thinks. How can a person really be ugly if you associate their face with warmth and kindness?

Stay kind to others. Be kind to yourself. There's not much else I can say.

Good luck, love <33

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Steamdeck OLED review/impressions

Thought I'd leave some points to my experience as I have been fiddling with it a couple of days now.

This is also, in some ways, a review of the Steam Deck as a system.

Screen

The Steamdeck has a screen which is pretty small by tablet standards today, but about the same size as the screen on the Nintendo Switch.

The OLED screen is nice and colourful. I no longer have my LCD to compare it to, but the extra few centimeters helps a lot.

I wouldn't recommend you upgrade just for the screen, however, as it is not that different from the LCD in terms of quality.

I have noticed no issues with my screen, I have seen lots of people report problems but I have identified no dead pixels or glare issues.

I am using a glossy screen with a glossy protector. I tried a matte screen protector, which helped significantly with glare, but it gave a glittery and grainy effect on the screen, so it had to be removed. The glossy protector did not affect image in any way. It was fiddly to apply all the protectors, but I got there in the end.

The good news is that the screen can go very bright, and if it is on high brightness then glare is never going to be an issue. So don't worry about which screen type you buy.

Battery

The Steamdeck has a pretty weak battery if you are running most PC games.

The LCD only lasted me an hour if I was playing Monster Hunter World or Balder's Gate 3, and if I played it to depletion, it would bug out on me. More on that shortly.

The OLED seems to have a much better battery. I have been doing a lot of low performance stuff, but I played L4D2 for over an hour earlier, and it only ate maybe 20% of the battery. I played some World today and it only ate another 20% in half an hour with a high performance game, so I think that this unit will do more comparably to the original Nintendo Switch. In all cases I had brightness maxed out.

On emulated games, if you're running gamecube or PS2, it is negligible, however if you run Wii U games it will eat a lot more power (understandably). The fastest drain for me so far was Xenoblade Chronicles X. The other Xenoblade Chronicles games can drain my Switch in an hour, so this isn't a surprise.

This was the main reason I upgraded. I don't mind having the original Switch with its poorer battery performance, but with the Steamdeck LCD it was so bad that the console was barely usable. This change may seem small, but it will make the Steamdeck much more usable for me. Especially as sometimes I am taking 6 hour flights on low voltage planes that struggle to charge my deck.

Performance

The Steamdeck can do most older games very well, but if you're aiming at something released in the past couple of years, it is going to struggle. It plays Monster Hunter Rise like a dream, and I swear that it runs Monster Hunter World better than it used to (the game was updated for deck), but Baldur's Gate 3 will look very ugly texture-wise. Then again, that game looks horrible on any computer that came out before 2021.

You will be playing most demanding games on the low to mid settings.

The irony is, while it looked horrendous, Baldur's Gate 3 performed better on deck than on my PC, and I believe this is because the game has high Memory costs. While my PC's processor and graphics card are superior, it only has 8gb of memory to the Steamdeck's 16gb.

I never played a game where the 8gb was an issue until Baldur's Gate 3. It only affected me if I was connected to lots of streams on Discord. I will compare again when I have my new mid range 32gb memory PC next week.

On the OLED, a game with low performance costs like Left 4 Dead 2 will happily push towards the 90 frames per second limit. Of course, you're going to struggle to get Monster Hunter World over 30fp unless the graphics are very low.

So the Steamdeck is about the equivalent of an entry level or mid range 2018 Gaming PC. It is outdated but it plays most of the classics well.

Controls

The steamdeck's control sticks are quite large, so they're not the best option for people with small hands like myself. However I reckon this makes the unit popular with its primary audience (adult men who struggle with the small controls of the Switch, which are perfect for me).

The haptic mouse pad is okay, but it is obviously no replacement for an actual mouse. It's slightly worse than a laptop trackpad, I think, but at least it continues to move a bit if you swipe it like a ballpoint mouse would, rather than only being "on" or "off". I report no issues with this item, it does everything you will need it to when controlling from desktop mode or with a pointer-based game.

The buttons are okay, I think the right hand buttons are too small and close to the joystick for comfort, and I think the back paddles are too large and the L5/R5 buttons are too low down. It's not exactly easy to click L5 with your baby finger if you have tiny hands like me. The xbox controller is a better option than the steamdeck base controls. It is unfortunate the console doesn't come with a stand like the Switch does, and you have to buy third party options.

What impresses me most is the gyroscopic controls built into the device. I thought playing a shooter like Left 4 Dead 2 would be impossible, but because of the gyroscope, my aiming is as good as any keyboard and mouse player! Just like when playing Breath of the Wild or Ocarina of Time 3D. Even though I can't control the joysticks very well. I don't need them for those fine little movements anymore.

I must add that the Gyro only works on its default settings if you are touching the centre of the right joystick, or the trackpad. I did not like this at all because I needed to move my thumb to press different buttons. Fortunately there was a community layout which enabled gyro at all times. I was able to change the sensitivity on the game's steam options. You may also be able to enable it or disable it permanently by messing around with your own settings.

Compatibility

The biggest obstacle to Steamdeck is the Linux operating system, which upon the console's release, had very little compatibility with most normal tools. Wii USB Helper, the Wii U emulation tool, was completely incompatible. And the reason most games need to be optimised for Deck isn't because of their actual performance costs, it's because they don't run well on Linux.

Originally when playing Devil May Cry 5, the game would crash for no reason, and playing Monster Hunter World, the textures would crash and you would be left surrounded by a glitched out void if the monster you were fighting did a move that the system didn't like.

I think that over the past year, with the popularity of Steamdeck, a lot of developers have taken to making their games run better on Linux. As for the above Wii USB helper tool, there is something called WiiUDownloader which does the same thing and is Linux compatible. So I have had a much better time.

Emulation

It was a huge pain in the ass setting everything up and troubleshooting, especially because of the closed-off technical lingo used in emulation circles. But Emudeck has been a great help in getting everything set up. It is all you need for Gamecube.

I have issues with emulation tools not searching the SD card where Emudeck is installed. They keep searching the "Home" directory for things like their BIOS. Either I need to manually write in the correct path, or it's impossible and I need to copy the bios onto the main Deck. I am not sure if this is an issue with steamdeck or the emulation tools themselves, but it was a pain.

The good news is when you finally have these games running, they play very well. I think some of them perform better on a dedicated gaming unit like the Steamdeck than they do on a Windows computer which has dozens of processes running at the same time.

Lots of work has been done with emulation tools since 2021 to give them maximum compatibility with Linux and Steamdeck, as they know this is the main portable platform for those tools now.

I have had plenty of success with PS2 games, Gamecube games, and Wii U games, once everything was set up to Steam ROM Manager and saved to Steam. You can use community controller layouts on Steam that make things way easier to set up than they would be on a Windows PC.

I haven't had any success with Yuzu, the Switch emulator. This isn't necessary for me but it just seems like it isn't finding the keys that Emudeck set up.

Docked mode

I have mostly experimented with this on my LCD prior to the latest update, but I have fiddled with it on the 3.5 update this Sunday.

I have a Toshiba LED Flatscreen TV from ten years ago. It has no issues with any consoles of any kind, though I've never tested it with a PC before.

It is 50/50 as to whether the Dock works. At first it wasn't reacting at all. Now it seems to be compatible on Gaming mode, this could be because I forced lower resolution for screen compatibility.

However, on Desktop mode, when I used the automatic settings, the screen was flickering black and turning off altogether. I searched online for a solution, but unfortunately nothing I saw was helping.

I saw that it was trying to run at 24hz 1080p. I couldn't change the framerate, but I lowered the resolution to 720p and it became locked at 60hz.

This seemed to fix the issue, but now the resolution is too small and there doesn't seem to be a way to force it to change without also lowering the framerate to unusable levels. Odd as I am pretty sure you can force Windows to a massive resolution and the text will just look very tiny on your screen.

I will attribute this to my TV being too old for a modern computer, and maybe it's just a 720p tv, as I have had no issues with the two LCD tvs that my dad owns. I'm not eager on the idea of replacing my TV just for the steamdeck, but if it has no issues in Gaming Mode, it's not going to be a priority anyway.

As for the controller connection, well, it was initially pain in the ass trying to get my xbox series x controller connected. For some reason the bluetooth wasn't doing the job. But after a firmware update on my controller, it went a lot smoother.

What I did not like was you couldn't wake Steamdeck from sleep with the controller.

I have heard this isn't a problem on the OLED, but I am sure a firmware update on the original Steamdeck could have solved the problem. And if not - Why? We have been using bluetooth controllers to wake consoles since 2006! I saw someone claim you can't wake a PC from sleep with a bluetooth controller, so I immediately tested it and... woke my PC from sleep. Why does the Steamdeck LCD have worse wireless functionality than the Nintendo Wii?

Overall

People ask on this sub if the console will replace their gaming PCs. In my case, no, as it has to be a very old gaming PC for the steamdeck to be more powerful.

Generally it hasn't replaced my Switch, either, as the Steamdeck's battery life is too limited for long sessions (or cafe gaming as I like to do), and it is a worse Multiplayer console than the Switch. Especially as I had to get the dock separately. The console's portability is limited by its great size, too. I have bought a special case that is smaller than the stock one, but it can only do so much.

However i have found the steamdeck to be useful when I am travelling with access to power outlets and want a gaming PC on the go when I am staying with my partner, or when I simply want to sit in a different room of the house and play Monster Hunter.

The OLED also has a nice screen that makes me choose to play some games on there instead of on my PC screen.

The gimmick of playing demanding Pc games on such a tiny console is fun, and the gyro functionality has opened a lot of options for me that I hadn't previously considered. Maybe it is time to return to DOOM.

I love my steamdeck. After I was happy with my OLED setup, I said goodbye to it and traded it in at CEX. I will transfer that love over to my OLED and even though it isn't immediately that useful, I will find a lot of use for it over the next year with my travelling.

#steam #steamdeck #xenoblade chronicles

[novvaable]

Get to Know Me- Sims Edition

thank you @hurricanesims for the tag <33

sorry for taking so long to reply, for some reason it took me ages to actually answer these questions🤠

What's your favourite Sims death?

i hate when my sims die.. i can honestly say i’ve never forcefully killed any of my sims as I get so attached to them. in this case, id probably say death by old age.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

alpha! back when I used to play ts4 i gravitated towards maxis match.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

seems pointless to me lol

Do you use move objects?

yes!🫡🫡 impossible to build /decorate without it

Favourite Mod?

nrass master controller - it so universal and makes life a lot easier 🥺

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

my first expansion was university life. it will forever have a special place in my heart, I love it so much

Do you pronounce live mode or aLIVE or LiVing?

never even thought about it honest, probably like alive??

whos your favourite sim that you've made?

my girlie marcie, she’s come so far with me so I just have a special kinda attachment to her lol

Have you made a simself?

no i think this would just make me miserable

Which is your favourite EA hair colour?

none. I always find the tones of ea hairs to just be a little off? i just use custom colours

Favourite EA hair?

well i dont use any EA hairs they look ugly I have default replacements hairs by maryjane

Favourite life stage?

young adult

are you a builder or are you in it for gameplay?

only recently have i been in it for the gameplay. but i use that phrase lightly. i wil forever be a builder at heart.

Are you a CC creator?

barely lol. sometimes i post occasional things for dl. my knowledge of cc making only scratches the surface. i can do the basics like make poses, and custom photos (alongside sims and builds - but who doesnt).

ive tried to get into cc making a couple of times but its so complicated? i have mad respect for cc makers in the community. ill leave that job to the professionals.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

back in my day... lol not so much anymore. after i took a fat hiatus a lot of the people i used to regularly talk with moved on.

@pixelevia is still my girlie. she doesnt post much, but we talk all the time off tumblr and regularly get each other excited about sims storylines that are yet to come to life lol.

Do you have any sims merch?

yes.. i am embarrassed to say that when ts4 was release i pre-ordered the deluxe version. it came with a mouse pad.. its long gone now. but i always remember it having a funky smell ??

also i dont wanna talk about the fact i paid an arm and a leg for ts4 (i dont even play it?!) and now its free. forever going to be salty over this fact.

How has your ''Sims Style'' changed throughout your years of playing?

i'd like to think it has! considering my blog is old, i feel like it has grown with me and that reflects in the style of my sims. recently ive been striving for a slightly more realistic looks to my sims

Whats your Origin ID?

i do have an origin id unfortunately. (is it stil even called that?)

i have a lot of opinions on this new ea app bs. but we wont go into that.

Who's your favourite CC creator?

everyone! honestly anyone who has the skills to be able to make beautiful and functional cc are brilliant.

but just to name a couple:

@rollo-rolls

@smallsimmer

@martassimsbook

@sourlemonsimblr

@satellite-sims

How long have you had simblr?

I had to check my email for this.. as of feb 2023, my blog turned 9 years old?! so I guess almost 10 years. (thats kind of mad)

How do you edit your pictures?

depends on the picture! usually for scenery pics I will just sharpen them and adjust the brightness / saturation / contrast.

for sim pics it really just depends on how bothered I can be.

I’ve recently made the change to gshade so that’s been doing all the heavy lifting for me.

I use hunnybee’s moon syrups preset <3

What expansion/ stuff pack is your favourite?

university life!! it was the it was the first expansion pack i got and so it holds a special place in my heart. its also a pretty awesome pack too.

tagged:

@satellite-sims / @smallsimmer / @pixelevia @kitty-pixelz

#ts3 #the sims 3 #sims 3 tags #asks

[endless-bunny]

Pathfinder Iconics Comparison Part 4: Classes Who Got Demoted

[Part 1: Classes with Different Iconics] [Part 2: Core Classes] [Part 3: The Remaining PF2 Classes] [Part 5: Prestige Classes] [Part 6: Who's left?]

We've now seen all 23 of the character classes from PF2, but classes are only part of the story. PF2 is big on granular customisation and one of the big ways you can customise your character is with Archetypes.

Instead of taking abilities from your main class, you can instead opt to take features from an archetype, representing a more focussed area of combat or magical specialisation. A couple of the classes from PF1 exist as archetypes in PF2.

Arcanist

Enora (she/her, Halfling)

The Arcanist is an interesting case. In PF1, it was a Hybrid class that prepared spells like a Wizard but cast them like a Sorcerer. In PF2, it's been expanded into an archetype called "Flexible Preparation" that any prepared spellcaster can take, with "arcanist" being specifically the term used by Wizards.

I love the colouring on Enora's new artwork. All of her key features are here, from her cloak to her accoutrements. Looks like she has a sextant hanging off her belt. Although there is that green wand/staff that she seems to have misplaced between editions. Maybe she broke it (Arcanists in PF1 can destroy magic items to absorb their powers).

Interestingly, this specific illustration of Enora doesn't appear in the body of the book, Secrets of Magic, at all. Instead, it's only featured on the contents page. It might be the only illustration that doesn't appear at least nearby the rules it relates to. This is possibly because the Flexible Preparation archetype is pretty wordy and has a big table, so there's not space for a picture. Still, it's a shame that Enora has been consigned to the frontmatter, a fate I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

The Arcanist appears in the Advanced Class Guide for PF1, and in Secrets of Magic for PF2.

Cavalier

Alain & Donahan (he/him, Human [Taldan])

The main difference between Alain's PF1 and PF2 designs is that he isn't drawn by Wayne Reynolds. Most of the elements of his outfit and equipment are still present, but he's lost some colour in the transition to the new edition (which is the opposite of what we've seen for the Core classes). I do appreciate that Donahan, his horse, gets to share the spotlight in PF2, since his connection to a mount is kind of the thing that defines a cavalier.

The Cavalier appears in Advanced Player's Guide for PF1, and in the Advanced Player's Guide for PF2.

Vigilante

The Red Raven (he/him, Human, PF1 vs. PF2)

Of all the direct comparisons we've seen so far, this is the only one that I would say is a strict downgrade. For some of them, it's just a question of preference but the PF1 Vigilante art is so gorgeous. That vibrant red, the stoic expression, and all the weaponry, it illustrates everything you need to know about the Vigilante class.

The PF2 Vigilante is not just disgustingly coloured, but the expression is so ugly. The pose is slightly more interesting, looks a little bit more like a superhero rogue ("superherogue"?) but I don't think that's a fair exchange for what we lost.

The character's design hasn't really changed much. The design of the boots is slightly different but that might be a side effect of the funny way Wayne sometimes draws feet. He's got a new cloak clasp and he seems to have lost his whip, plus the specifics of his cloak are a little different, he doesn't seem to have the front piece.

The main "deal" of the Vigilante is a secret identity. The Vigilante is a masked persona that the character assumes, and they lead a double life. On a completely unrelated note, here's a human noble from PF1 named Aric. Don't know what he's doing here, he's clearly not the same guy as the Red Raven.

Aric (he/him, Human) (PF1)

The Vigilante appears in Ultimate Intrigue for PF1, and in the Advanced Player's Guide for PF2.

Antipaladin

Urgraz (he/him, Duergar [Deep Dwarf])

The Antipaladin is, as the name suggests, the antithesis of everything the Paladin stands for. While the Paladin is a paragon of goodness, a holy knight that fights on behalf of the downtrodden, the Antipaladin is selfish and craven, and will do whatever they can to get what they want.

In PF2, the Antipaladin isn't its own class. Like the Paladin, it exists as a subclass of the Champion, and like the Paladin it is only one of three Champions of Evil. A Lawful Evil Champion is a Tyrant, a Neutral Evil Champion is a Desecrator, and the Antipaladin is Chaotic Evil. There are also, apparently, Champions of Neutrality, but we don't have any rules for them as of yet, and given that the Pathfinder Remaster is going to remove Alignment, it seems unlikely we'll get them in so many words.

The Antipaladin is also interesting because, while the Iconic Antipaladin is officially Urgraz, as seen above, he's not the character used to illustrate the class. Instead, it's this guy.

As far as I can tell, this guy isn't a character. I don't know if he has a name (I'll call him Viktor for now, after the alias assumed by Clancy Brown's character, the Kurgan, in Highlander).

In PF1, Viktor seems to revel in being evil. He's a villain that's having fun with what he does. He seems to have lost his joie de vivre in PF2.

The second image here is one of my favourite PF1 illustrations. It just raises so many questions. It's supposed to show Seelah suffering a moral quandary, unable to decide whether she should go to the burning orphanage or the Antipaladin's castle, but

Who put those signs up? How long has the orphanage been burning that they felt the need to put signage for it? Unless that's its name, like it's the "Duncan J. Burning Memorial Orphanage" or something. Why is Viktor just standing right there?

The Antipaladin appears in the Advanced Player's Guide for PF1, and the Advanced Player's Guide for PF2.

Shaman

Shardra Geltl & Kolo (she/her, Dwarf)

This last one is sort of a cheat, since the Shaman doesn't exist as a character option in PF2. Instead, this illustration of the Iconic Shaman Shardra comes from Lost Omens: World Guide. She's used here as an example of a Rivethun Dwarf.

Most of her outfit is intact, she hasn't undergone too many changes. Her clan dagger and satchel are still very prominent on her belt, but she doesn't have her mace or censer with her. Her headdress and other accessories are all pretty much one to one.

In PF1, the Shaman was another Hybrid class. Its parent classes are the Oracle and Witch. The Oracle and Witch both gain their powers from abstract entities, and the same is true of the Shaman, who communes with the spirits of nature to gain its powers.

The Shaman appears in the Advanced Class Guide for PF1.

The PF1 Iconic Shifter from Ultimate Wilderness, Zova, also appears in an illustration in PF2's Lost Omens: Mwangi Expanse but it's not an individual character shot like it is for Shardra, so she's not included here. There might also be PF1 Iconics in other Lost Omens books, but I haven't looked through them all in great detail. Do let me know if I've missed something.

Next time we'll take a look at the remaining Prestige Classes from the first edition Core Rulebook. Like I mentioned in the previous post, they aren't characters per se, but it's interesting to see how the characters have been translated over.

#pathfinder #pathfinder 2e #pf2e #ttrpg #role playing games #tabletop

[wolfstarhaven]

Hi Elliot! I was wondering if you know of any clothes-swapping/clothes-sharing fics?

Love your blog btw <3

Hi anon🌸 This was actually more difficult than I first thought. Most of the fics I could think of with this theme are Established Relationship fics, which just isn’t my favourite thing to read… (yeah I know that’s immature of me. But I can’t help it! Sue me). But I did my best, so I hope you’ll still find something you like here! (And thank you <3<3)

I Am A Mess Around You, by Miss_Bennet (7k)

Remus finds out that a hot, beautiful man just moved into his building. But for some reason, every time they meet a disaster strikes and Remus makes a complete fool of himself. Why can't he act like a sensible person around this handsome young man?

General themes: muggle au; clumsy remus; meet-cute/meet-ugly; pining; fluff; smut.

a jacket's tale, by nightswatch (16k)

A series of things that happened when Sirius let Remus borrow his beloved leather jacket.

General themes: Hogwarts era; fluff.

Sweater Weather, by sad_gay_and_lonely (3k)

Remus looked down at himself and tugged the sleeves of his sweater over his hands. Well, it wasn’t exactly his sweater, that was exactly the problem.

General themes: Hogwarts era; getting together; pining; fluff.

Property of R. J. Lupin, by Remy_Writes5 (2k)

Sirius loved shopping at the secondhand shop, Ollivander's. When he finds a comfy red jumper that has "property of R.J. Lupin" on the tag, it quickly becomes his new favorite thing.

General themes: meet-cute; muggle au; fluff.

breakfast in bed, by pixelated (prettyremus) (1k)

“You’re wearing my clothes,” Sirius says stupidly.

Remus looks down at himself, tugging at the hem of the shirt before looking back at Sirius. “Sorry. I should’ve asked. Should I take them off?”

General themes: morning after; fluff; first war era.

Remus Lupin and the Case of The Missing Jumper, by ThatFilmGraduate (5k)

None of Remus Lupin's clothes are particularly noteworthy or fashionable, not when compared with Sirius Black and his heeled boots or James Potter and his Quidditch jersey or Peter Pettigrew and his colourful shoes, but he doesn't much care because his red jumper is comfortable.

In which Remus searches for his jumper but we all know where it is.

General themes: Hogwarts era; established relationship; fluff.

Sleeping on the Couch, by accioaroace (<1k)

In short, Remus thought that Sirius looked absolutely beautiful.

General themes: Hogwarts era; established relationship;fluff.

Leather Jackets and Tiaras, by Samunderthelights (1k)

Remus gets into an awkward situation at a Halloween party, so Sirius decides to help him out.

General themes: post-Hogwarts; pre-slash; Halloween costumes; Sirius’s leather jacket; baby harry.

Everything Would Be Okay, by accioaroace (1k)

After the full moon, Sirius finds comfort in Remus' jumper

General themes: Hogwarts era; established relationship; werewolf stuff; fluff.

Secrets and Snow, by tattyoldtrenchcoat (6k)

James is hiding something, Sirius is having emotions, Peter is tidying, and Remus is in his own personal hell. Sometimes being a werewolf is the easiest part of his existence.

General themes: Hogwarts era; jealousy; fluff; pining; (the clothes-sharing is just a detail).

Five times Sirius stole Remus' clothes and one time it was the other way around, by Awkward_bean_sky (2k)

Sirius loves stealing his boyfriend's clothes

General themes: Hogwarts era; established relationship; fluff; 5+1.

Cardigan, by @onlydreamofmysoul (3k)

Remus huffed a laugh through his nose, but gladly locked their lips together again, the pair fully intertwined as if they had been made for each other.

(And maybe they had. For what else was the moon to do but love the stars?)

General themes: canon compliant; from Hogwarts era to Lie Low at Lupin’s; angst with a happy ending; based on Taylor Swift’s ‘Cardigan’.

xx Elliot

[gotchi-blog]

Punitapi Chan Review!

Not exactly a virtual pet, more of a collecting game, but still featuring little guys to play with. Punitapi Chan is a cute device with simple, but quite fun gameplay. And very adorable aesthetics.

General score: 7/10

1. Design

The device is much larger than a Tamagotchi and way thicker. It's shaped like a boba tea half-cup - the back is flat. At first I thought that it would be cooler if it was a full, round cup, but then I realised that not only would it take up too much space, but it would also be impossible to play with it while it's lying flat on the desk. With the current design, you can both rest it on its back and make it stand like a real cup.

On top there is a slightly translucent straw made of rubbery plastic. It's used for many interactions and games, which I'll describe later. You can see it behind the screen - everything is displayed as an overlay for it. For now I didn't have any problems with it, but you need to be very mindful of it while putting Punitapi Chan in a backpack or generally travelling with it - it's definitely a part that could get easily damaged.

The device has 3 buttons - the ones on the side are shaped like hearts, while the centre one is shaped like a boba. They might seem a bit loose if you're used to Tamagotchi, but they are actually very reactive and there is no problem with them. They are just a bit soft while pressing.

The screen is quite tall. It's lit up by four lights located on the inner sides of the device. They are quite visible as their placement is shallow - it's a bit of a problem while taking photos of the screen and might be annoying to some users. The very quality of the screen is good, the animations are smooth and the colours are vibrant. Generally, it looks way better in real life than on photos - for some reason, on photos it may seem less sharp than it actually is.

Finally, the weakest point of the design - the colour. For now, there are two designs available: Peach Milk (the one I have) and Aqua Milk.

Peach Milk is pastel-pink, with purple buttons, top and blue/purple faceplate around the screen. Then there is Aqua Milk, which is... kinda ugly. It looks unfinished - the device body is almost the same colour as the top and buttons (light blue), only slightly more greenish. It seems as if the whole thing was made of the same plastic, making it all visually melt and looks like a prototype before the graphic design phase rather than a finished product. The faceplate is blue/yellow/purple, which in my opinion doesn't really match the colour of the shell.

Generally, I'm a bit disappointed in the design. Punitapi Chan is big, so there is enough space for patterns similar to Tamagotchi. Instead, there is just an empty plain of the same colour. In case of Peach Milk version, it still looks cute as the very colour scheme is pleasant to look at. Aqua Milk looks, as I've mentioned, quite unfinished.

2. General idea

The whole idea behind Punitapi Chan is catching little boba to make new drinks. The protagonist has a boba tea stall and wants to develop the business. To do that, she needs to make new drinks and attract more clients.

There are 5 stages of the game. You start with a simple, small stall. Once you catch all boba from the 1st chapter of the boba book and make all drinks that use them, you automatically evolve into a boba truck. The process repeats every time you make all drinks from a certain stage.

That's basically it. The gameplay is very simple - there is no taking care of a pet, no more challenges etc. I can see how some users can quickly get tired of Punitapi Chan - it doesn't surprise you with anything. The most original and changing thing are some boba that you can catch only at special hours/days/months/seasons. It's not a device that keeps you entertained for hours - rather something to play with from time to time. If you're looking for an investing gameplay, you're going to be disappointed. But if you want something pretty to look at and play only from time to time, Punitapi Chan is perfect.

3. Catching the boba

The main mechanic of Punitapi Chan is catching boba. The first icon on the main menu lets you do that. Choose the tea type, the level of ice and the level of sugar. With next stages, you unlock more tea types.

At first, the different combinations will give you different boba. Once you try all combinations, from my experience, you just have to randomly mix to find the rest.

Catching is a simple minigame - a screen with many boba will appear. Use the straw to mix them. After a moment, one different boba will be revealed - it might be small and round or large and more chunky, wearing dark glasses and/or face mask. To catch it, pin it with the straw once it enters a heart-shaped field in the middle bottom of the screen. Then, the second stage starts. Press the straw down, but don't leave the bar on the bottom. Depending on the size of the boba, you will face a different problem. The small boba will get surrounded by others and you need to wave the straw to chase them away. The big boba will get stuck, so you need to wave the straw to free it. Once the boba reaches the top of the straw, you caught it!

If it's a new one, you will get informed about that and it will be added to your catalogue.

4. Custom clock screen

The second icon allows you to customise the clock screen. If you are in the main menu and click the exit button, you will see the clock screen with the date and some boba floating around. Over time, the level of tea will drop and the boba will get upset, being squished at the bottom of the screen. Swirl them around with the straw to raise the level of tea.

Under the second icon, you can choose the tea and boba that you want to have displayed. You will unlock more types of tea and more boba with the next stages of the game, so you will be able to customise the lock screen further. There is a certain number of boba you can have at the same time, so at some point you'll have to start choosing.

5. Mini-games

The third icon allows you to enter the mini-game menu. There are 6 games to unlock in total. You start with 2 of them, and unlock more with the next stages of gameplay.

The mini-games earn you Puni Coins that you need to buy ingredients to make new drinks. They are also pretty fun - catch falling boba, compose drinks for clients as fast as possible, dance and much more. The mini-games are one of my favourite features of the device.

6. Tapi Market

Here you can buy ingredients for new drinks. You find out what you need to make new drinks from in the Kitchen. The items are pretty cheap and with every next stage you unlock more.

7. Kitchen

Under this icon you can make new drinks. Choose the boba and the ingredient it wants (it will appear over the boba once you click it.) The boba and the ingredient will be thrown into a blender. Move the straw to mix it. There is no mini-game this time - I feel like it's a lost opportunity, but not a big issue.

If a new drink can't be made with this particular boba, or you chose a wrong side-ingredient, it will turn into a nasty failure-drink. If you're successful, you will see the new drink and it will be added to your catalogue.

8. Catalogue

Here you can see all the boba, drinks and ingredients you've collected so far and the ones that are still locked.

In the boba screen, you can also add/remove them from the clock screen. Interesting thing - there is a page with special boba that you can unlock either at particular times, or through special codes. I recommend checking out Fuzzy N Chic's guides for the codes and how to enter them.

In the drink screen, you can see your drinks and try to guess what you need to make the locked ones - if you click on the locked recipe, you will see the outlines of the boba and ingredient you need. The shapes are quite characteristic, so you can guess when you unlocked the needed stuff. It really takes away the time spent in the Kitchen, making fail-drinks.

The ingredient screen shows, well, the ingredients you've unlocked. Not much more to it.

9. Settings

Change the sound, brightness, date, time, your birthday or remove all data from the device to return it to factory state.

Some observations: the device is quite loud even on the lowest setting. I'd use a slightly lower one instead of full sound, which is basically unusable. Fortunately, you can also turn the sound off completely.

The brightness settings are alright, though just as with sound, I'd like one level less than the lowest. But this is a small thing.

Now something more surprising - the day date sometimes randomly jumps one day forward. I've found some people complaining about the same thing, meaning that it's probably an issue in the code generally, rather than an individual error. I'm planning on looking into the code to see what could be causing that, but I'm probably too inexperienced to figure it out lol

10. Conclusion

Do I recommend Punitapi Chan? You can probably guess by the rating score that I like it. But the real answer depends on what you're expecting from your device.

If you're a classic Tamagotchi player, with your enjoyment dependent on things like evolving your pet and taking care of it, Punitapi Chan will probably seem boring and underwhelming. As a huge Tamagotchi fan myself, at first I wasn't sure if I liked the collecting-oriented gameplay, but I grew fond of it.

If you're ready to accept a bit less action, compensated by very cute aesthetics, Punitapi Chan is a cool gadget. Not as cool as e.g. Tamagotchi Pix, still a nice thing to have. I'd recommend searching for some sales, though - they can get quite expensive

[trash-panda4]

A quick vent cause I need to get this out.

I’m so angry all the time, I hate it and I’m so angry that someone talking to me(any way) can set me off.

Today I just told someone to move things that they took out away from my bed and dresser and instead they shoved it in my Knick nack space, knocking over some things. They’ve been doing this for so long and recently I’ve had enough.

And I’m always in pain, there isn’t a moment I’m awake that I feel relief unless I take 3 extra strong pain pills. I sprain my ankle a lot and two years ago I twisted my right ankle. I didn’t go to the hospital or a doctor and it hasn’t healed right. I can’t not walk as I have to get to school but it’s getting to be too much.

I slipped down the stairs two days ago and hurt my left hand. Which wouldn’t matter if when I got angry I didn’t hit things or myself to keep me calm(or at least to stop me from doing something I’ll regret). I could barely move my finger yesterday and it was swollen to the point I thought I had hotdogs for fingers. I was able to straighten and bend it a little today but the person that pissed me off earlier in the story decided to not listen to me.

They’ve been stealing my stuff and I just found my SPECIAL markers-case- that I barely use(so they stay nice and usable) in their stuff with only four left in them. The four that were left were the “ugly” and empty colours. They also been stealing my makeup products, my clothes, my underwear and anything I get that they want( and I’m black so the underwear part is disgusting ).

Usually I wouldn’t get as mad but because of a recent change in schedule I didn’t have anytime to cry or breakdown this weekend. So I got angry and hit my left hand on my bed post. I fell to the floor but they didn’t care and as I was silently crying they just asked “what I was going to do with that thing” the thing that they took out.

I threw it on the floor at their feet and went to my computer. The only thing that was stopping me from crying(which was my playlist) and I had to turn it off once the light was off. I turned it up a bit to get the last little serotonin left and l was told(very rudely) to turn it off. I slammed it closed and climbed up to my bed. I heard the person say how no one did anything wrong to me and how I’m angry for no reason.

I deserve to be angry for what they did and I’m crying as I write this. I can’t even do anything about it cause I’ll probably get in trouble. During this whole writing session I’ve been trying to move my finger to type and it’s so hard. I think I’ve done something to it but I’m already so tired. I just need to get all my anger out another way.

Their slowly ruining what I love and I care about them so much. They are hurting me with their comments and they know it. They steal what I like and leave what I don’t I’m done helping them.

Thanks Reader, you’ve been a great help.

#vent tag #wowzers #im cryin #angry #tw rant #tw anger

[szhmidty]

This is an overview of my (new) solution to @triviallytrue​’s question: given n N-sided dice, what is the probability of getting a particular roll or lower? Going to hat tip @as-if-and-only-if​ and @preciselywibble​ for helping me understand this problem much better.

Fair warning, this is mostly just an excuse for me to play with OpenSCAD, a lovely little programming based CAD software.

The first thing to do is to imagine our dice have infinite sides, and each side is represented by a integer along some axis in n-space. We'llwork with 3d spaces (so rolling 3 dice) for examples.

We can imagine the lowest possible roll (1,1,1) as being contained by a unit cube:

For the next lowest roll, we can increment any of the dice in the previous lowest roll by 1, giving us (2,1,1), (1,2,1), and (1,1,2). We plop unit cubes of those rolls down at those coordinates.

For the next lowest roll, we do the same thing: we take the previous set of lowest rolls and increment any particular die by one. We will have some repetition this time around; we’re only interested in the unique rolls. We get (3,1,1), (2,2,1), (2,1,2), (1,3,1),(1,2,2) and (1,1,3)

Intuitively, it’s easy to see the volume containing these rolls is an n-simplical number, in this case a 3-simplical number (where a 2-simplical number would be a triangular number). We can calculate the volume containing a particular roll by calculating the n-simplical number associated with it. There are a number of ways to calculate n-simplical numbers, we’ll use this definition in python:

For our purposes, we define negative inputs to return 0. We also have to make an adjustment for the number of dice: for n dice and a given roll, we calculated S(n, roll + 1 - n).

So we can find the volume of the simplex containing a particular roll (and all the rolls smaller than it), but the obvious problem is that rolls coming from a true set of 3 dice are constrained to a particular rectangular prism. Rolling 3d6, we can roll an 9, but the simplex for a score of 9 pokes outside the true volume of our possibility space:

This only gets worse as we look at larger and larger rolls:

But these protrusions are themselves simplexes! So we can just subtract their volumes off. However, this gets hairy. As we continue to look at larger rolls, the protrusions will eventually overlap. Looking at a roll of 15:

I’m running out of good high contrast colours. The protrusions in each direction begin to overlap, and so simply subtracting the protrusions off the total volume no longer works. We could add those overlaps back, which is essentially what I did in my previous attempt at this problem. However, this gets ugly fast if the dice aren’t all the same; we have a better way in general.

We think of the dice as constraining the rolls to particular sections of the axes. We can work with the constraints one at a time. So first we generate the full simplex for a particular roll (in this case rolling a 16 from 1d5 + 1d6 + 1d7):

The trick is to recognize that the bits we want to cut off are themselves successively less constrained simplexes. We start by projecting the top face upward, and removing everything that gets caught in that projection. Since we are projecting in the Z direction, we no longer have to worry about constraints in that direction, only the remaining constraints in the X and Y directions:

So remove that volume and proceed to another face, in this case the outer face in the Y direction. We again don’t need to worry about constraints in the Y direction, but additionally we don’t need to worry about constraints in the Z direction either: we took care of the volume directly on top of the prism, so there’s no overlap to worry about. We do still need to worry about constraints in the X direction, however.

Now all the remains is the protrusion in the X direction, however with this one we don’t need to worry about constraints at all, we just need to calculate its volume:

Until we’re finally left with the portion of the simplex purely contained within the dimensions of our dice.

At which point we can find the probability of all rolls up to that point by dividing the volume of the truncated simplex by the volume of the prism.

So here’s how we (or at least I) design python code for this. Obviously we need a way to create unconstrainted simplex volumes. There’s a straightforward relationship for that:

 def simplexVolume(dim,n):      """     Calculates the volume of the nth simplical number of dimension dim     """      if dim < 1 or n < 1:          return 0      p = 1      for it in range(dim):          p *= (n + it)/(it + 1)      return p

You can also use numpy.nchoosek, or math.comb, (you’ll have to adjust the inputs) but for whatever reason I found this faster.

Then we need a function to calculate a truncated simplex volume. It should obviously be recursive. I designed this function to do that:

 def truncatedSimplexVolume(constraints, n, dim = None):      if dim is None:          dim = len(constraints)      volume = simplexVolume(dim, n)      for it in range(len(constraints)):          volume -= truncatedSimplexVolume(constraints[it+1:], n-constraints[it], dim)      return volume

Setting the dimension as equal to the length of the constraints (i.e. the number of the dice) if an argument isn’t provided is just a convenience thing, but otherwise we want to be able to separate number of dice from the dimension: at each stage, we’ll be calculating the volume of a simplex with one few constraint, but of the same dimension, so the dimension needs to be a modifiable argument.

We start by calculating the full volume of the simplex for a given roll (remember, n will be the roll - # of dice + 1) and then we iterate through the constraints subtracting off the volume of the protrusion at each stage with one fewer constraint than last time, remembering to adjust n for the protrusion (so if the constraint is 6 and we’re looking at a roll of 9, the protrusion sticks out of the volume by 3).

For implementation, you’re going to want to be able to cache the values of this function, and using the lru_cache tool means the inputs need to be hashable, i.e. immutable. It’s important then that you give constraints in the form of a tuple. It’s probably better to create a wrapper function that takes any iterable and translates it to a tuple before calling the above function just for ease of use.

Some further comments

If you look at the layer we’re adding to the simplex every time we go up a roll, they’re also simplical numbers, just one dimension down. Those layer volumes also correspond to the probability of getting that particular roll. In fact we can use the exact same approach above, remembering to set dim = len(constraints) - 1, to find the probability of a particular roll instead of the probability of all rolls up to some value; this is the other reason dim is a modifiable argument. I’m too lazy to make another diagram but in the 3D case you can imagine an angled triangular surface of cubes spreading out from the origin, taking up more and then less volume as it passes through and out of the prism.

We know these probabilities are symmetrical around the mean; it’s probably better in general to only calculate values below/at the mean and adjust as needed. This effectively halves the size of the cache you need.

If you’re looking at a case where all dice are the same, as was originally asked about, the above approach is unnecessarily slow: too many function calls, each with it’s own hash to access the cache. There’s a faster way I’ve detailed here.

If you want the entire roll distribution, you probably want to change up the above approach a bit. There’s another equation for simplical numbers we can use down below. This is, effectively, successive cumulative sums. This would be overall slower if you wanted just one value, but if you’re doing the entire distribution then finding the cumulative some for the highest roll involves finding the cumulative sum for every roll. I suspect it would be much faster to do it this way, keeping the results of each cumulative sum iteration in the cache for access later.

All of this is slower than convolution, unless you’re writing in C or Rust or Fortran and can really optimize. Especially if you’re looking at the whole distribution, just use convolution. It’s already been heavily optimized for you.

The above approach does work perfectly for impossible rolls, i.e. rolling 3d6, setting the roll value to 2 will give you a probability of 0 (there are no rolls up to 2); setting a roll value of 20 gives a probability of 1: all possible rolls are contained between 0 and 20. The same is true for finding the probability of a particular roll: giving 2 and 20 as the roll both return 0.

Using the above approach, I can calculate the values for all possible rolls on a 100d100 in just over 23 seconds; I can calculate the value for any particular roll in about 350 milliseconds (thank goodness for caching).

[kallowrites]

Android AU Character run-down: The D10s

It is SO hard to explain their differences in just words (imo) so I figured doing a little guide would help? With visuals? Basically, the ways their names are stylized are exactly to differentiate them in text but visually they vary (though not necessarily considerably hahaha)

Also don’t @ me - some of these drawings are old and ugly lmao

SO! Under the cut, here’s the boys and some lore/background about their roles:

Dio (Brando): (Referred to as just 'Dio' in most cases, as he rejects the surname)

A custom Gen-2 unit, able to be retrofitted with almost any imaginable upgrade due to his prototype status… although his code is rather unstable and prone to fluctuation. Effectively the 'main' (synthetic) Dio of the AU - He was designed to replace Diego Brando as Dario Brando's successor, but didn't take kindly to being molded to anyone's image, and ended up murdering both Brandos and the man who coded him (who only went by DOG). He's caught by the authorities, disabled, and shipped off to have his memory disc wiped clean to be resold or used for parts, but a (convenient) mis-delivery has him winding up at Miriam Amell's door. Due to a lack of proper, gradual introductions and ease into society, he's notably antisocial and lacks any sort of 'people skills', preferring extreme solutions to otherwise simple problems. He has zero issues with being blunt and stating things plainly, even if it offends the person in question, and as a result he can come off as very judgemental and pushy. Visually, he resembles Part 1 Dio Brando prior to his turn to vampirism.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

D.I.O.: (Referred to simply as 'DIO' for convenience)

A Gen-3 unit (formerly) used for police work. He was sent to pursue Miriam to safely retrieve or disable Dio (Brando) when his existence was tipped off by an anonymous source, but found himself fighting the chains of his suppression when he's treated like a person by her for the first time in his life... Even if it was initially a case of mistaken identity. He is eventually removed of his tracking chip and jailbroken by Raisa (a contact Dio made via the internet) at Miriam’s suggestion, and now possesses his free will to do as he pleases, though he willingly remains with her.

Following the events of the (shared) AU, he's had his body replaced with a much newer Gen-7 model which, among other things, has given him a newfound sense of smell (as well as many a bump into doorways). He's considerably more 'timid' than Dio (Brando), but shares his introversion with sharing personal details. Previously abused by his human partner (which leads to intimacy issues...), and holds a considerable grudge because of it. Has a strong moral compass but is particularly biased towards helping other androids achieve the same freedom he has. Probably the most empathetic & broody of the D10s, tbh.

Despite a vengeful side that rarely rears its ugly head, he’s quite reasonable and easy to get along with, even if he seems a bit detached. He’s far more acclimated to dealing people and existence itself than Dio is, partially due to his former profession/purpose. All he wants is to be treated with respect. Being very level-headed and considerate (if a bit soft-spoken), is a very large part of why Miriam is so torn between the two of them...

Visually, (especially after the bodywork) he resembles Part 3 DIO, neck scar and all, which he keeps to specifically keep himself distinct from Dio (Brando). 

(yes, im allowed to pick the cute one because he IS a sweet boy) He shares his colour scheme with Dio though (blond hair, gold eyes), nothing new there!

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EcciDiO:

Formerly a military unit, unlike many he did not turn during the revolt and survived. He was shelved when he was no longer needed and became outdated, only to be pulled off from it for some 'final use' for the government to get their money's worth out of him -- He was repurposed into a 'show-droid': An android used purely for the entertainment of others in what is essentially a professional android ring, which also doubles as a way for the government to flaunt their new androids by forcibly ""retiring"" old ones. While most androids that are left to this fate don't survive for long before being destroyed, EcciDiO ended up becoming a crowd favourite for his flamboyance and subverting the expectations and pre-determined outcome of the show. Both his design and software were updated, and he adopted the persona of 'The Grand Papillon'. Doing so well for the gov't's image, he was eventually reinstated for service as a government agent and was tasked with destroying Dio (Brando), as retrieval was deemed no longer viable after the disappearance of the previous unit sent after him -- D.I.O.. However, his zeal in his task ultimately led EcciDiO to kill Dio (Brando)'s contact, Raisa, terminated her android Ramses (another D10 unit) - both of whom were deemed 'obstacles', and almost destroy D.I.O., while severely injuring both Dio (Brando) and Miriam before he was ultimately disabled by the same man who created the D10 units in the first place (Professor Brando). Needless to say, he's quite the menace. (For the intents and purposes, any fic with him in it runs with the assumption he was repurposed and is functional again with less 'murder-happy' tendencies. Mostly.)

Also following said intents and purposes, repurposed EcciDiO is just as flamboyant as ever, but has a startling lack of understanding for anything beyond wrecking things and wrestling. In truth, he’s a borderline blank slate who has to learn everything from the beginning and is very emotionally flippant... and this process is NOT helped by one very troublesome Joestar he’s acquainted with...

(basically he’s STILL a shitpost but he’s fun and I love him and I’d love to share more but this is already so long wtf where did this bias come from??)

Visually, he has a similar build to DIO but has longer pink hair with purple roots and tips. He's very flamboyant and never dresses plainly.

(technically, this is him in an alternate costume for an idea I had - He returns to the ring of his own accord one last time to retire his former persona. I forget what he called himself, but basically he goes from the butterfly themes of ‘The Grand Papillon’ to a darker moth-related theme to show his transition from face to heel (which alludes to his freedom from gov’t control)!)

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Prototype #13: (Referred to simply as 'Thirteen' for convenience)

Not much is known about him, aside from his existence... In truth, this is because I have no idea the role he’ll play in the shared AU yet hahaha (and since it’s spoilers for both u guys AND me... I’m not about to prod Mag about it lolol)

In terms of the old, solo (potentially not canon) AU though, Thirteen essentially had EcciDiO’s role of ‘hunter’. He has zero empathy for anyone, both android and human alike, but seems to have a particular revulsion to the latter. Though he’s restrained somewhat by his control chip, he seems to enjoy the punishment when he’s somewhat defiant, and he’s earned the reputation as a ‘last resort for a lost cause’. He’s sent to eliminate Dio (Brando), no ifs, ands, or buts, because the information he contains that can be freely accessed due to a lack of encryption is deemed not worth the risk any longer.

On the side, he also has orders to terminate DIO if located, and to bring Miriam Amell to the government himself for interrogation into her motives before likely termination herself. He has no qualms with killing civilians if they obstruct his orders. -- “Compliance is preferable to defiance, unless you lack the most basic of human instinct.”

During the android revolt a decade prior, he was noted to have turned against his own fellow androids, seemingly due to a simple urge to destroy, and some wonder if he’s simply been corrupted and never diagnosed at any point, or if this was done on purpose. Thirteen plays pretend all too well and knows exactly where and how to hide information to avoid detection.

Visually, he resembles DIO quite a bit, but has dark hair with a light streak through it, and a rather torn-up arm, revealing the mechanical workings underneath. He’s also got very ominous, cold eyes...

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Ramses:

The first ‘D10′ (though he had a female counterpart) Professor Brando created, his former right-hand man who’s seen it all and been through everything over his lifetime. His status as a ‘beta’ model means his A.I. is drastically different from the run-of-the-mill D10 models that came after him, with most of his code not even being created by Professor Brando’s own hands. This was sufficient enough, however to (in Mag’s own words): “ sell the entire idea to the filthy rich conglomerate overlords.”

He is curt, polite, and rather stiff in his communication with others, coming across as rather robotic. He obeys everything Professor Brando asks of him without question, though does possess his own sentience and holds a healthy respect for him. He was given to Raisa after she was adopted by Professor Brando as a gift, and she thought of him like a brother. Ramses’ own feelings on the matter are... complicated.

He shares Professor Brando’s face, though the coincidence that his features so closely resemble that of the late Diego Brando (whom Dio (Brando’s) own features were based on), is entirely coincidental and genetic. Raisa altered Ramses appearance later on to separate him from his creator, and he now has dark skin and dark hair.

**Unfortunately due to EcciDiO’s actions while under government control, Ramses has been permanently terminated and his memory disc completely corrupted and unsalvageable, thus removing the only ‘beta’ model left in existence, much to Professor Brando’s immense grief.

(I’ve only attempted to draw him once with this updated look (and I never ended up liking how it was turning out, so it’s unfinished), so I v highly encourage you to look at Mag’s drawing of him instead:)

(Also PLEASE give love to the OG post here if u haven’t already: https://magthemage.tumblr.com/post/682429790479876096/android-au-meet-ramses-the-first-functional )

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Okay there’s two additional D10′s here, but neither of them have confirmed/updated designs I care to share pictures of so I’ll just toss a quick tl;dr: about them in case ur still interested somehow hahaha:

Dionysus - an android sex worker Miriam encounters early on. Technically the second android she meets with Dio’s face, but the circumstances under which they meet only serve to confirm to her that she’s attracted to Dio for more than just his looks. -- He has a trio of female androids that linger around him.

Despite seeming enthusiastic and complacent, Dionysus himself is rather frustrated with his situation. His ‘harem’ doesn’t seem to know any better, but his sentience is merely suppressed - his monthly reformatting does little to stop his bitter feelings from returning all the same, trapping him in a cycle and a life he can’t escape from on his own...

AuDio - a mysterious android that Miriam only knows about through the internet. He’s popular in the ‘ASMR’ world for his looks (despite hiding his face), and even more so when he starts speaking. He disappeared after some time due to some rather severe scandal involving a decidedly not safe-for-work account passing off as him is linked and makes the rounds... Despite all the interest from his fanbase, it damages his reputation with sponsors (and likely whoever owns him) to a point he simply stops posting altogether and vanishes without a trace.

Miriam comes to realize later the culprit for the scenario was her own Dio, who thought it would be ‘funny’. This ends up kicking off his own side-gig but still frustrates the hell out of her for ruining a stranger’s life on a whim.

...Though that’s not to say that fate won’t find a way, given how many of these ‘exceedingly rare’ androids she keeps crossing paths with...

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And with that, I’m p sure that covers them all! ...Unless Mag and I add more D10s, but it’s getting hard to keep track of them all as it is xD

I did not include the Professor in this because... he’s human. D10 units are the androids that look like him and that he created.

Each one still retains qualities from the “original” (as in, the source material), but to varying extents due to how they were brought up and the experiences they had. That’s the joy of sentience! You can take an android, “raise” it under the exact same conditions, and no two will come out exactly the same!

Or, in some cases... Some fare out better/worse than others. Best example would be Dio and DIO -- while DIO has (debatably, in Dio’s mind, im sure) gone through much worse treatment, he’s still come out kinder for a variety of reasons. He could have very easily gone the same route as Dio and gone out of his way to kill everyone connected to him, but he actively chooses not to, and only punishes those he feels are responsible (and hence, he has much more empathy towards other androids than Dio as well, who couldn’t care less)

BUT I DIGRESS. Hope this clears things up, at least a *little* hahaha

Also there ARE other androids in this AU besides just D10 units 8D I’m not sure how many we’ll have in total that are relevant, so I don’t think they warrant their own post... Nero is probably the most important one though!

[precognitiveignition]

A Blank Canvas appears, wearing a gray mask with painted-on sunglasses. It looks like it’s been in a rainstorm, given how wet it appeared. It drops the presents onto the ground before lifting its hand up as if asking for payment - or food. 

Chi’s gift comes in the form of an orange tabby cat mascot head. The cat jaw unhinges to reveal a translucent orange plastic banner propelled by a small handheld fan to mimic a jet of flame. A suspiciously empty cylindrical indentation within the base of the jaw suggests that this might’ve not been the first idea that came to Chi’s mind. A second fan in the back helps provide ventilation to the mascot head while Kris’s magic tag - labeled as such - provides unimpeded vision while wearing the head. 

Lev’s gift comes in the form of a large brown cartoon cat plushie. It has a cocky look to it as if to exclaim “bring it on.” The fabric used is similar to denim as if the maker expected the poor thing to get mauled. It’s surprisingly okay-looking for one of Lev’s plushies, though the innate fluffiness of the plushiness is likely hiding most of her sewing mistakes. 

Rounding out the gifts is a roll of duck-shaped stickers and a 10-stack of 6″ steel ingots. An attached note says the following: “Happy holidays from me and Lils. Yeah, if you’re wondering about the weird indentation in Lils’s present, she did rig a lighter and aerosol set-up to make a small flamethrower - problem is the head won’t survive more than 2 or 3 uses without getting melted. Anyway, here are the duck-shaped stickers that will make someone think they’re a duck for a period of time - since I have a Blank Canvas willing to take stuff along for now, I figured I could send them over now. As for the metal ingots, they’re a bunch of steel ingots with an odd effect. They ignite into flames if you hit them hard enough or infuse with magic - thing is the flames don’t actually get hot or burn anything, so it’s purely for aesthetic purposes. The color of the flame can be changed by burning the ingot for several minutes in a flame whose color matches what you want. Otherwise, the metal ingot behaves like steel for the most part, just with a higher melting point. I sadly don’t really have the equipment to test how high though. In any case, you could probably use this a lot better than I can. Happy holidays!” 

Jack answers the door in what could, in social circles, be called a pladpocalypse. The outfit is almost as loud as her footsteps, with a white and mint-green and bright red jumper pointlessly under a pair of christmas-tree-print shorts, and of course an ugly christmas sweater - with the sleeves flexed off, of course. Atop the sweater's criss-cross of peppermint colours was a knitted robotic santa with a machine gun, yelling 'Now I have a machine gun! Ho ho ho!'

Keeping with her almost brutish display of christmas decorum, she also has an entire rib of beef in her hand, looking confused and unapologetic about the half-chewed mouthful she didn't even finish before answering. A glance at the outstretched hand, then at her rib, then at her hand... aw, hell, she had three more in the kitchen, the funky little guy could have her montreal smoked meat treat. Wiping her hand on the doorframe, she takes the packages with a puzzled look, which then splits into excitement once she feels the sheer weight of the packages.

"Well, hey, little dude, happy holidays to you, too! Stay warm out there, alright?"

There's a childish eagerness in her bright orange eyes as she considers tazmanian-tearing into these assorted boxes, but she found some restraint. There's a cooing of adoration as she gets to the plush - this was absolutely going on the bed with the chubbier and gentler of her two cats, misses squish surely wouldn't harm a fellow fluffball like this. Her eyes utterly miss any imperfection for the fact she was getting something so kindly hand-made, and there was a tinge of guilt she hadn't done any alchemizing or crafting for anyone extra-planar this year.

That tinge of guilt went away immediately upon discovery of the duck stickers - Andre was gonna love these, for sure, or at very least love the idea behind them - and then she got to the ingots. Oh, crap, that's right, she used to brag about blacksmithing! Except... well, she wasn't good at the metallurgy side of things. These were very, very cool though, and she made a mental note to brush back up on her forging to try and turn these into some extremely cool pauldrons, bracers or other such armour.

The helmet comes last of all, and Jack tosses it around in her hands a few times, getting an idea for the heft and weight of it. It was definitely cute and quaint - maybe she was leaning a little too hard on her catposting online? Or not hard enough, it was never easy to tell. Still, something ventilated and hard to shatter would always be handy out in the field, and she pops it into her hash modus for later use.

Man, now she'd have to write a really solid thank-you note for all this, these are great.

#long post #dreams-of-cerulean #ldgsfk

[rubylarkspur22]

Questions and answers below the cut. Manga spoilers.

1: Miyuri, How do you feel about the other Hashira?

In regards to Rengoku; he means well, and he’s very nice, but I’m not entirely sure he knows what an inside voice is. We don’t hang out much, but it’s kinda nice to be around such a bright presence whenever we do. He’s really warm, both metaphorically and literally, and offers to warm me up after shared missions.

Then there's Shinobu. She’s crazy, but I say that affectionately. I find it sweet that she’s trying to bring her sister’s dream to fruition, but she needs to stop faking her emotions all the time. And maybe ease up on bullying Tomioka.

Iguro and I are surprisingly tolerant of each other, given our differing opinions of Shinazugawa. We’ve discussed fighting half-blind before, due to our respective conditions, and he let me hold Kaburamaru once(only once, though, Kaburamaru doesn’t like how cold I am…). But aside from that, we don’t interact much.

Kanroji was a shock to me in many ways. How is she an older sister?! She gives off tons of baby sister energy! But it’s kind of cool we’ve been able to bond over our love for mochi and our hair colour changing. We’ve both been teased about the latter, but I’m happy to beat up anyone who calls her ugly or a freak. Her strength is admirable.

This may be .y bias from knowing Giyuu better, but I don’t get why people think he’s arrogant. If anything, he’s among the most humble of the Hashira. He deserves his place in our rank, no matter how much anyone(including himself) believes otherwise.

Himejima’s really helped me in navigating a world with limited sight. I’ve gotten a lot better at fighting because of him, and I doubt I’d still be here without that help. I can see why so many Slayers trust him, myself included, and why it took him only two months to become a Hashira.

Tokito is the baby of the Hashira, as much as he can kick all our back ends from here to kingdom come and has a tongue sharper than any sword. He’s skilled, but I hope he takes time to relax and be an actual kid from time to time.

And then there's Shinazugawa.If he acted less like a rabid dog, I wouldn’t mind hanging around him. And also, if he was less of a prick to Giyuu. Also, the amount of self-harm he does to use his blood against demons is… not great. No, I don’t care if Uzui has dubbed the three of us the White Hair Trio.

Speaking of Uzui. He’s unusual, but pretty nice to be around, especially when he drops the god complex and is more genuine. His wives are lovely, too.

2: Hakuji and Koyuki in Mirrored Sunset, What do you plan on naming the baby? And Keizo, how do you feel about becoming a grandparent?

Hakuji: We haven't picked a name. We're waiting until they're born. We do have a list, but we haven't been set on anything.

Koyuki: We do have a few kanji we were leaning towards, though. At one point, we discussed naming the baby Hanabi, after our first outing when I was well enough.

Keizo: I'm honestly a little shocked. I almost didn't expect Koyuki to live to get married, much less have a baby. But here we are! I've been doing everything I can to help them prep for parenthood, especially since Hakuji turned into a bit of a panicked mess when Koyuki first told him the news. He's much calmer about it now, but there were a solid few months where he thought Koyuki getting her own food and tea would cause problems. He wouldn't leave her alone that entire first trimester. It took Tsugikuni telling him about his own experience with childbirth to calm him down. But it just means Hakuji cares, and that's all I can ask for when it comes to my daughter and her baby. I know the two of them will be great parents.

3: For the Hashira in the Tsugikuni-Kamado Swap AUs, How do you feel about the twins? (Unless indicated, all answers apply to both AUs)

Tomioka: They're unique, and certainly have talent.

Kochou: Certainly curious cases. Especially the younger twin. I don't think there's any record of such raw talent.

Uzui: Flashy kids. Especially the one with the mark. Didn't expect it from someone so... Full, when it comes to personality.

Himejima: Gifted by the gods, but cursed by demons. May their gifts win out in this battle. Namu Amida Butsu.

Rengoku: They have most impeccable power! And the demon brother's self-restraint is to be admired!

Agatsuma Touko(MPCS): I don't trust them, and I have no clue why Yoshiteru hasn't dealt with it already. He's the future Thunder Hashira, he should know the protocol by now!

Kamado Sumiyoshi(AMSG): They're good friends, and actually quite nice. Unexpected, especially from a demon!

Shinazugawa: I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. Especially the younger twin. Reminds me too much of Tomioka with his stupid face.

Kanroji: They're so lovely! Such gentlemen! I hope they can achieve their goals!

Iguro: I don't like them. I doubt they can be trusted.

4: Obanai and Mitsuri in S&TF, How did you meet and get to know each other?

Mitsuri: I had gotten lost during my first Hashira meeting, and was too scared to ask for help. Plus, I didn't want to seem stupid, so I figured I'd tough it out and find my way somehow. ... I just ended up getting more lost. That's when I stumbled across Igu... Obanai., and he offered to show me around. I'll admit, Kaburamaru scared me at first, but Obanai was nice enough to guide me through the mansion and offer me lunch after. He's quite nice, actually.

Obanai: I found her wandering the mansion, and guessed she had to be a Hashira. She looked angry, but ready to cry at the same time, so I offered to help. And she seemed hungry after, so I offered to buy her lunch. It took her a bit to warm up to Kaburamaru, but she plays with him quite a lot nowadays. I'm glad we met, she's a very nice girl under her more skittish and cold exterior.

#demon slayer #kny au #character q&a #manga spoilers #❄️ #🔄 #🌙 #💕

[polhrecruitment]

Cord hole cover wall plate

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Reviewed in the United States on 17 January 2012 Fortunately the exterior of the house at attic level has white vinyl siding, so the white color cable cover caps blend in perfectly.

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Since I have not had cable TV for close to 3 years having set up my own home theater system which is much better than cable TV, the cable cap covers definitely make the exterior side of the house look a lot better where I ran the RG6 coaxial cable from the exterior of the house to the interior of the house at attic level. No more open holes on the exterior of the house where the coaxial cable enters the house thanks to the cable cover caps. Back when I had cable TV several years ago the cable company cut a hole in the vinyl siding of the house at attic level, then left an open hole in the vinyl siding where the coaxial cable exited from the attic (due to how the cable company had ran their cable through the attic). Ordered the coaxial cable cover caps back in December 2015 on Amazon, and must say the cap covers make the exterior side of the house look a lot better. A skinnier version with some other colour options would be nice in the future but beyond that, I'm super happy. This isn't going to work for everyone's setup but for mine, it was great. It also only comes in while so depending on the colour of your walls, it might be a bit of an eyesore. In my case, it's hidden by things on both sides of the wall so you don't see it at all but if it was exposed, it does protrude a bit. I will say that the cap does bulge out a fair bit and that might be an issue for some people. They even give you a hole drill bit in the box that ensures you cut the exact size hole this requires. I didn't have to run network and HDMI junction boxes, this is just a hole cover, which allows me to add and remove whatever cables I want. It allowed me to punch a hole in the wall between the two rooms and run the cables directly through, while also covering it up to keep them neat. I wanted to hard wire up my consoles and also run an HDMI cable from the home theater to my gaming PC, as I often capture console footage for live streams and didn't want to haul the consoles into my office every time, not run long and ugly cables along the baseboards to the living room. Customers outside of the United States may reach us at our local phone number 60.I live in a small condo and have a home theater system on the other side of a wall from my office, where my router is. You can call us at 80 during our regular business hours of Monday through Friday, 8 A.M.

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If you have any questions about our products, or are unsure of how to measure for your vents, please feel free to contact us. If you don't see what you're searching for, take a look at our comprehensive list of floor registers, and let us know if you can't find what you need. We also offer return air filter grilles, baseboard air vents, plastic floor registers, a diverse range of sidewall / ceiling registers, and more. Find air vents in both pre-finished and unfinished options. Everything from wood drop in and flush mount registers, to decorative wood return air grilles, available in a variety of different wood species. If you need wooden air vents, we have those too. We have heavy duty floor return air grilles and registers in large hard to find sizes too. From basic designs to decorative Victorian, we have many styles to match your decor. Select from many materials, designs, and colors of floor registers, return air grilles or air vents to best fit your space.įind floor registers in many different styles. Welcome to Floor Register Resources: We are a distributor offering a wide variety of floor registers, return air grilles, and other air vents.

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[minnanokami]

basics of loa

-what is law of assumption?

it's a law that states that everything you assume to be true has no choice but to be true. so basically, your assumptions form the world, your assumptions are the reason for the creation of any and everything in this world. you can assume lions are blue in colour and you'd see evidence for that assumption. let's take some examples from your life, what is the colour of your hair? black/brown/blonde/ginger/pink/purple/green/blue/etc., see how your hair colour is the colour you assume it is? that's loa. if you assumed it was a different colour, you'd see evidence in the physical or the 3 dimensional reality of your hair being the colour you assume it is. it can seem fake at first because of logic but i promise you, it's not! try it out for yourself, like manifest seeing a certain colour or a fruit, an animal, food, a person etc. it is real and it works for EVERYONE.

-what does it mean to assume?/how to assume?

to assume in loa is simply the same as the word means independently. "suppose to be the case, without proof" (google definition), that's all it is. you simply suppose that it's the case even without physical proof, just yet. your assumptions form your world so if you assume something even without any legitimate proof in the 3d, it has no choice but to eventually show up in the 3d. how long it takes for it to show up depends - again - on your beliefs or assumptions. to make it easier to not get demotivated by not having visible proof in the physical reality, it's good to have the assumption that it doesn't take very long for your assumptions to materialize in the 3d. your constant thoughts build your assumptions, all your thoughts are affirmations (affirm and assume can be interchanged in context of loassumption). for example if you constantly keep thinking that you're ugly, it becomes an assumption, so even if you weren't ugly to begin with (in your standards of what you consider ugly), this assumptions hardens itself into a fact in the physical reality by making you match your standards of what ugly is. want proof? remember how the self degradation fb memes became trending in the beginning of the pandemic, if you read those and agreed with the self degradation constantly, im pretty sure you must have started feeling those things show up in the 3d even if they weren't originally there. happened with me and a lot of others. so how do you assume? you think, that's literally all. it's just that simple.

all you need to do to manifest is affirm and persist.

-what does persist mean?

to persist is to stick to the new story or assumption and not look back to the old one. it does not mean that you have to affirm 24/7, it means that you dont affirm AGAINST what you're manifesting and simply STICK TO THE NEW STORY. "continue in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition" (google definition) KEEP GOING, do not look back to the old story so often that your old story is the one you end up manifesting again. STICK TO THE NEW STORY.

-methods

you don't need any methods, all you have to do is assume you have whatever it is you want and persist. THAT IS ALL. if you do enjoy methods or challenges, you can find them all over the community. the most popular methods are probably subliminals and scripting. you can make challenges for yourself so they cater to your needs.

#law of assumption #loassumption #manifestation #manifesting #neville goddard #manifestation success story #manifest #basics of loa #basics of law of assumption #what is loa #what is law of assumption #affirm and persist #loa

[boldlyvoid]

New Romantics | Part Three

18+

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Categories: Fake dating, neighbours, strangers to lovers, mutual pining, Angst with a happy ending, Smut *as selected by my poll on what you wanted to read*

Warnings: Season 9 Spencer (no Maeve arc), Angst, kissing, drinking, police training mentions, case details, canon typical violence, self-doubt, autistic!spencer, age gaps (24/33), FWB relationships, period mentions, anxiety attacks, crying, misunderstandings,

Word Count: 4.7K

a/n: this chapter covers the whole week from Monday to Friday, thank you @awrfhi for making the gif I used here <3

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Monday morning she’s in his arms still, and then again on Tuesday; he basically lives with her when he’s not on a case. They make dinner together at night and they drive in together every morning, and they have had sex all over her apartment… and he loves her but he was tired when he said it and in a post-orgasm haze and he’s her best friend.

But he loved her— just not the way she loved him. She was sure of it.

Tuesday morning at 10:53 am, she cracks her fake case. They’re apprehending the unsub by Noon and then she has the rest of the week off. So she heads to the main Quantico building, she gets a visitor's pass and she takes the elevator all the way up to the BAU.

She walks through the bullpen doors and Spencer is sitting at his little desk with his head buried in a book. Penelope sees her first, wrapping her up in a hug that gets everyone’s attention as she rocks her back and forth while telling her how much she likes her.

“You are so pretty, and nice and cute, and your hair smells so good?”

“Thank you, it’s Spencer's shampoo,” she laughs as she holds her back, “I just wanted to come and see him really quick?”

He’s standing beside her and she doesn’t even know until Penelope releases her from her grasp. He wraps her up next, “why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

She kisses him right on the mouth, holding his face in her hands she has missed him too much to wait till they are alone again, “I caught the unsub.”

“No way?”

She nods feverishly, “yeah remember I found that stray hair on the crime scene? Everyone was fighting over why there wasn’t a sexual aspect and I was trying to convince them she was a women unsub when the hair came back matching our victims best friend, who also knew victim number 1.”

He’s so happy, his smile is the biggest any of his teammates have ever seen, he lifts her and twirls her around and no one can believe the sight. Spencer Reid the uptight, overly smart, always following proper procedure, Doctor at the FBI; was spinning his girlfriend around as he kissed her cheek.

“You are a genius,” he compliments her as he sets her back down and places another kiss on her lips.

“I know,” she laughs, “I beat your score by one day.”

“I hate you,” he kisses her again and by now they don’t realize they have an audience. It’s incredibly convincing to everyone except each other.

“No, you love me,” she whispers, kissing him again before they hear someone clear their throat.

“Do you want to help with ours?” Derek asks, jumping into the moment and reminding them that they’re in public. “We’re just doing non-urgent consults today.”

“Am I allowed?” She lights up.

Derek nods, “I don’t see why not, as long as you just tell your ideas to us and don’t file anything then I think it’s legal?”

So she helps and it’s the most exhilarating thing since having sex with Spencer. She’s in her element, looking at small details and making connections that even leave Spencer humming and ha-ing. She has a younger insight than the rest of the team, she’s exactly why they hired Spencer in the first place and now she was shining brighter than him.

But he loved it.

Every time she made a connection or she had a suggestion that helped one of them on their own train of thought, Spencer would smile at her like she hung the stars in the night sky. He was proud of her in a way she hasn’t seen in many people before, filling her heart with warmth and hope that maybe he can love her for real one day.

—

She was possibly the love of his life and the more he saw her work and the more he knew her mind; the more he fell. She walked around his office and talked to his friends as if she was always meant to be there, and a part of him really wanted her to be.

He snuck away to go talk to Hotch, closing his office door as he sat down, “what’s wrong?”

“Y/N isn’t really my girlfriend,” he whispers. “She’s pretending so I could get everyone to stop bothering me about dating, and I understand it looks like she’s using me to get close to the team but I really do think she would be an excellent asset to the unit even if she was just in the office—“

“Reid,” Hotch cuts him off and a smile builds. “I already sent her an offer to take Anderson's job while he’s out on paternity leave.”

“Oh,” he smiles to himself. “Pretend I never said anything.”

“It stays in these 4 walls, don’t worry,” Hotch smiles back, “but you should tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

“That you’re in love with her.”

“I’m not,” he lies, “really, I do love her but I’m not in love with her, there is a difference.”

“I know,” Hotch reminds him. “Did you know that I only joined the school musical to get close to Haley? I did whatever I could to get her to fall in love with me and didn’t even realize it when she did because I was so worried she didn’t.”

“Oh.”

Hotch nods with another smile, “you don’t have to tell her until you’re ready, obviously, but you should tell her before it’s too late.”

“I will,” he whispers. “Thanks, Aaron.”

“Why don’t you guys head out early?” He offers, “we could all use a day off with the people we love.”

When he walks back down from Aaron's office, Y/N is with Emily and JJ discussing how she caught her fake unsub at school that morning. She doesn’t brag, she loves to mention her classmates by name and verbatim explains how they helped her. She is a team player, a genius, beautiful, kind… she really is the love of his life.

“Hey,” he places his hand on her lower back as he slides into the conversation. “Hotch said we can all leave early if we wanted?”

“Sure,” she smiles, “actually, did you want to come with me to buy a dress for your thing?”

“That would be fun,” he agrees, wrapping his other arm around her so he can rest his chin on her shoulder and hold her. “Remember I’m buying it so don’t stress about the price.”

“You’re too nice to me,” she replies.

“I just love you,” his voice is as low as he can make it but everyone still hears.

She holds him back tighter, in a silent ‘I love you, too’ and they hear JJ and Emily swoon.

They’re quick to get their things and head out, she hands Spencer her keys and lets him drive to the mall so she can relax, she’s done a lot today.

She’s so quiet on the drive, she holds his hand like she always does and she just looks out the window, she’s peaceful and content with the nothingness of spending alone time with Spencer. They were always just quiet together, sometimes they laughed till they cried and sometimes he could make her scream but most of the time they were quiet.

“Have you checked your email?”

She smiles as she turns to him and her grip on his hand tightened, “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything, I just told hotch the truth so that he could offer you a job, but he already had before I went in there but he’s a good secret keeper, believe me.”

“Oh,” her smile disappears. “So he knows we’re not really dating?”

He nods, “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I guess we’re going to have to find a convincing way to break up for them and still be able to hang out all the time,” she worries aloud. “Because I don’t want to stop this any time soon, I hope you know that. I really like spending time with you.”

“I feel the same way,” he agrees. “I promise, we can just tell them we work better as friends and they might believe us?”

“I don’t think they will,” she frowns again. “JJ told me not to break your heart today, but I feel like if we break up I’m going to break all of theirs.”

“We could have a fake ugly breakup, and not talk to each other publicly for a bit and then be friends again?” He suggests, “Penelope and Kevin did that.”

She nods, still frowning. She interlocks their fingers this time and she holds his hand instead of just anxiously fiddling with his fingers. She really doesn’t want to let go, and he’s almost convinced she feels the same way.

The banquet is on Saturday, she has one last week of school before her graduation and then they’re done. He thinks about asking her, about what would be the best time to tell her he was in love with her and ask her to be his real girlfriend.

Maybe he’ll do it after the banquet? Maybe he’ll do it after her graduation? He just really wants to do it before she meets his mom. He wants his mom to meet her as the love of his life and his best friend.

He hated many things, but as he kept glancing at her as he drove he realized he hated one thing most of all. He hated that he couldn’t love her as much as she deserved, at least not yet. He wanted to shower her in love, he wanted to protect her and care for her, he wanted to show her off and make love to her and never leave her side.

It hurts, his heart physically aches as he thinks about that. If he had to feel like this to know his love was real, then the pain was worth it. She was always worth it, and he would hurt as long as possible, forever even, if it meant he could be around her just as long.

He held her hand tighter in the silence which made her turn to him, he had no idea he had been crying until she leans over and wipes his cheeks, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” he smiles but he can’t keep the conversation there, he’s feeling trapped and so he changes the topic. “What colour dress were you thinking?”

The quick-change makes her laugh, “probably black.”

“Are you sure?”

She nods, “I don’t need to stand out beside you any more than I already do.”

“What does that mean?”

She bits her lip, “some of the people in my class are saying that I’m only doing so well because you’re helping me cheat and that I’m just fucking you to get a job… just like I thought they would.”

“At the end of the day, we have a friendship they will never understand, we have great sex because we want to, you’re smarter than me, and the BAU wants you… so who is the real winner?” He’s always going to be her number one cheerleader.

“You’re right,” she smiles again finally, “as always.”

—

He convinces her to get a red dress.

She hasn’t had a pretty dress like this one since her prom and that was 6 years ago. She hasn’t been to a party or mingled with people in just as long, she didn’t realize how lonely she had been while chasing her dreams until Spencer came along.

He was one of the dreams. She saw him talk once, years ago on a school trip, and she fell in love with him a little, even back then. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be him or be with him back then, doing everything in her power to get into the criminal psych degree at her local college, she just wanted to be like him.

Now she’s liked by him.

Every night he goes to his home across the hall and he does his own nightly routine before coming back to her apartment for the night. She’s too emotional to sleep with him today, she knows that if she has sex with him she’s going to say something stupid or cry after because being this close to him without being honest with him is killing her.

Something in him has changed too, he’s less scared to initiate contact, he doesn’t jump anymore when she hugs him or when she smacks his bum as she passes him. Now he’s wrapping his arms around her while she cooks dinner, and he kisses her cheek randomly when they’re in public.

He tells her that he loves her.

She’s confused and she has no one to talk to about it.

She lays back against her pillows and closes her eyes, she knows she’s going to cry soon, and she doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t want to cry in front of him and he would be upset if she told him to not come back tonight.

The stress of the situation just makes her cry more as she stresses herself into another anxiety attack, much like the first night she talked to him. She just lets it happen, the anxiety in her stomach builds and the tears slip past her eyes and suddenly she’s sobbing into her pillow hard enough that she doesn’t hear him come back.

She jumps at the feeling of his hand on her back as he sits on the edge of the bed, “what’s wrong?”

She just sits up and hugs him, and he hugs her back and they stay there like that for a while. When she calms down, she pulls back from him and wipes her eyes, “my period is coming.” She’s not really lying, and he believes her.

“Does it normally make you this emotional?”

He’s never really experienced her mood swings, he has no idea what he’s in for, she nods. “Yeah, and I have really bad anxiety which just gets worse around this time.”

“And you’re not on anything?”

She shakes her head, “I’m waiting to get onto the good healthcare when I get a job with the bureau, I can’t afford to work and go to school, I’m glad I had enough scholarship money left to rent this place long enough to go to the academy.”

“Oh.”

She just nods, “I’ve never had much money like my parents have been saving for 2 years to buy plane tickets to Virginia so that they can see me graduate. They started saving before I even got in. I went to community college on a scholarship and I get a lot of money from applying for bursaries.”

“Are you going to take the CARD job or the BAU offer?”

She shrugs, “I’m not sure yet, but probably CARD.”

“Why?”

“I can’t work with you,” she whispers. “It makes me feel like I don’t deserve to be there like I’m using you and that all my work isn’t that great. I’m just Doctor Spencer Reids girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, imposter syndrome is a leading factor in depression among child prodigies, once you reach a certain age and you stop receiving awards for your work, it’s hard to believe that you’re still doing a good job.”

She knows he gets it, he has probably said the same fact to himself to calm down before. “Thank you.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

She nods, pulling back the covers and moving over so he can snuggle in beside her. She holds him, resting her head on his chest and taking a deep inhale of his cologne, this was the love of her life and if this was as close as she was ever going to be to him, she was going to take it.

He kisses the top of her head and holds her in his arms at just the right pressure to calm her down. She feels so comfortable with him but she still feels like shit, she doesn’t stop crying, and he just holds her through it.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really wrong?” He whispers after a while, he sounds worried.

“No,” she whispers. “I can’t.”

“Is it about me?”

“Yeah,” she cries again, “and I don’t have any other friends to talk to about us and now you’ve told hotch and I have no one to talk to about how this is kinda stressing me out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” his voice is still scared and she knows he’s going to panic regardless and just send them around in a circle of constant anxiety. But his tone is more apologetic than one fuck up.

“Who else did you tell?” She sits up, “I thought this was just between us?”

“I needed advice, the same reason you are reacting right now, you’re stressing me out,” Spencer finally talks back with passion and she knows they’re about to fight for no reason.

“I never said you were stressing me out. I said our situation was, but I think I need to sleep alone now, Spencer” she’s confident and stern even though she’s crying.

“We can’t go to bed mad at each other. You even said the mornings are the worst, we can’t hate each other for no reason tomorrow,” he starts to cry, not knowing where he went wrong and she can see it on his face.

“I just don’t have what you have, and I’ve always been trying to copy you…”

“What?”

She sighs and wipes her tears, “I have had a big fat, fan-girly, crush on you since I was 18, I came here with my class to watch you do a talk on philias and phobias and then I knew I wanted to get into the academy and I wanted to beat your record and join the BAU, and I just thought; one day I’m going to be friends with this guy and catch bad guys with him and now I am and I’m so alone.”

“You have me?”

“I know,” she tries to smile, “but I only have you and I can tell you almost everything. Like my biggest stressor right now is that if just looking at fake crime scenes for 3 weeks has made me this anxious; what if I’m not cut out for this? What if I get to a real crime scene and I pass out or—“

“That’s only human,” he presses his lips together, awkwardly, and very Spencerly. “If you didn’t feel like this job makes you hate the world and untrusting of everyone around you; then I would think you’re crazy.”

“How do you do it?”

“I open up and let people in, but I typically wait till I’m at my lowest; crying in my friend's arms because I don’t know what to do anymore,” he smiles again, wider and toothy as she smiles back.

“Thank you,” she can’t help but tilt her head and smile as her heart settles and her brain calms down a bit, “I love you.”

“Can I kiss you or is that too much right now?”

She gets in closer to him, laying back down on the pillow and looking at him. They’re closer enough to kiss, and she just takes a moment to look at him, resting her hand on his cheek as he wraps around her waist and pulls her in closer.

“We’re okay?” He asks with his lips right against her, his breath is hot and he smells like toothpaste.

“We’re okay, but no more talking tonight, okay?” She whispers.

He nods, leaning in and kissing her finally. She knows she shouldn’t be kissing him, she knows that she should be mad at herself, but she also knew that even just pretending that he loved her back was good enough.

—

He gets called away to a case on Wednesday morning, he’s too busy to really call her and he doesn’t text back. He feels bad about it but he knows she wanted space to think anyway, what he didn’t expect was for her to reach out to Penelope.

She’s in the office with her on Friday, tired of Spencer ignoring her so she went to the one place he couldn’t avoid her; Penelope’s office.

“How can I help you today, my fine furry friends?” Y/N answers the phone with a smirk, copying Penelope’s line perfectly, they can hear them high five through the line.

“Y/N?” Spencer is the first to catch it, “what are you doing there?”

“I came to meet Anderson and see if I’d like to take his job or not,” she teases, pretending she wasn’t there just to bother him.

Hotch cuts in, asking the question he needed to ask before hanging up, “not sure what’s going on at home but we’re too close to cracking this case for schoolyard games.”

“Yes sir,” he nods and looks away, retreating to the other side of the room to stare at the map and pretend to find connections.

“Crack this and you can go home to her,” Derek whispers with a smile, thinking he’s helping the situation.

“That’s not where I want to be right now.”

“Woah,” Derek catches it, “what happened?”

“Nothing,” he’s quick to get him to stop it but he really wants advice, “she’s stressed out and she took it out on me and I wasn’t very nice back.”

“You said sorry and you pretended you were over it, didn’t you?”

He turns away from Derek with a nod, he wants to come out with it and get it over with and he’s so mad and embarrassed he just starts to cry a little, “I don’t want to lose her.”

“How could you?”

“You have no idea,” he rolls his eyes lightly and scoffs, confusing Derek.

“And I won't unless you want to talk to someone about what’s really bothering you, but you’ve been happier since you met her and I like seeing you happy, and Savannah likes double dates,” he scolds him with a smile, patting his shoulder lightly. “now let's crack this and maybe on the plane you will tell me what’s up?”

“Sure,” he says, but he doesn’t want to.

However, Derek Morgan is good at a lot of things, and one of those things is getting Spencer to calm down enough to tell him anything. Everyone is asleep on the plane, it’s just the two of them at the back together when Spencer finally feels confident enough to say it.

“I lied to you, a long time ago… and it’s just the first one.”

Derek doesn’t look angry, “okay, explain your thought process. I need to know how this pretty brain of yours works.”

He smiles a bit, “I slept with Elle the night before she shot that rapist in Ohio.”

“You did not?” Derek's voice gets a little too loud and they stop to make sure no one woke up.

“I did, but you still always made jokes about finally getting me some lovin’ and it bothered me for a while and I never told you, instead I offered to help my neighbour with her homework if she pretended to date me,” his voice lowers as the words continue and he only stares at the table between them.

“Spencer, I’m sorry,” Derek apologizes first. “I didn’t know I was upsetting you, is there anything else I do that upsets you?”

He shakes his head in a silent no, still not looking at him, he can't.

“What happened between you and Y/N?” He jumps to the main issue, fine with what happened because he feels bad for causing the issue in the first place.

“We started sleeping together.”

Derek sighs, “you have such a big brain, you can remember everything she’s ever said to you and yet you can’t see that she’s in love with you.”

“She’s good at pretending,” he pushes it away.

“No she’s not, because she’s pretending she doesn’t love you right now; the same way you are and you’re both fucking it up for each other,” Derek gives it to him straight. “You have always been loveable, but you have a very hard time accepting it, Spencer.”

“Yeah,” he starts to cry a little more.

“Go home and talk to her and tell her the truth,” it’s the best advice he can give and Spencer knows it. “What’s the worst that can go wrong?”

“She does love me back but in a few years, she realizes I’m too much and she leaves me,” his voice is the saddest Derek has ever heard it.

He gets up from his seat and hugs Spencer, sliding into the seat beside him and wrapping his arms around him, “you have never been too much. You just surround yourself with people who aren’t good enough to love you for who you are.”

“She’s better than me.”

“Which is exactly what I mean, she’s not going to leave you, believe me, once you love Spencer Reid for who he really is, it’s hard to stop,” he speaks from experience, thinking of what could have been between them if either of them had tried harder in the past.

“She’s the love of my life,” he confirms, “I’m never going to love anyone else the way I love her.”

They get the word that they’re going to be landing soon, Spencer wipes his tears and buckles in for the descent, avoiding everyone’s stares and questions on the ride back to headquarters. He’s nervous to see her, he knows his face is puffy and she’ll be there waiting for him with Penelope, but he has to do it.

“Would you wait here, I need to tell her now and she might not give me a ride home if it doesn’t go well,” he asks Derek before heading to Penelope, “she was already mad at me for telling Hotch the truth.”

“Okay, sure,” Derek smiles, reaching out a hand for Spencer, “come to me when you need me next time, okay?”

“Okay,” he agrees with a small smile, heading out to find his fake girlfriend.

She’s not with Penelope, no she’s in the filing room with Anderson and the other temps all talking and laughing, and it sounds far too interesting to interrupt. He waits outside the door and smiles at her laughter until he hears it.

“So be honest,” Agent Camden asks, “are you sleeping with Reid for this job?”

“If I was sleeping my way to the top, don’t you think I would have picked Morgan? Or Prentiss even?” She laughs and it’s like someone stabs a knife through his heart.

He turns around and heads back to Derek, “take me home.”

“Okay,” he doesn’t pry, he just grabs his coat and keys and follows Spencer to the garage.

—

He’s really ignoring her.

She finds out from Emily that Spencer left with Derek, and that he looked rather pissed off when he asked for a ride. It breaks her heart a little and she doesn’t know what to do next, she just drives home and finds herself knocking on his door.

“Let me in, please, Spencer!” She begs from behind his door.

He opens it and looks at her with a puffy red face, tear-stained cheeks and swollen lips, he’s been crying for a while. “What?”

“What did I do?”

“You slept with me,” he whispers, “and I told you I wouldn’t react well.”

“Is it my fault you’re crying?” She asks softly and he nods, “do you want to tell me?”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, “are we still going to the banquet together tomorrow?”

“I really fucked up,” is all he can muster, crying again as he closes the door and goes to cry in his room.

She just opens the door again and follows him inside. Kicking off her shoes she crawls into bed beside him and wraps herself around him, “you don’t have to tell me but I am here for you, always.”

“I love you,” he says it like it’s the problem before he rests his head in the crook of her neck and holds her back for the first time in days.

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she cries along with him. They cry until he’s asleep and she’s just there holding him in her jeans and she’s really uncomfortable but she loves him too much to let go.

“More than you will ever know.”

Permanent tag list:

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New Romantics tag list:

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#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #new romantics

[magniloquent-raven]

soulmate au part 3!!!!

(read part 1 and part 2 here)

it takes three weeks for anything to happen.

they see each other at school, exchange glances in class, brush past each other in the hallways, fingers grazing as their shoulders bump, incidental touches that wouldn’t draw attention but still leave billy tingling and giddy and embarrassed at himself but…

he’s still getting used to having a soulmate. a real, tangible person he can reach out and touch.

and maybe he’d get used to it faster if he could touch him more, but life keeps conspiring against them. they can’t seem to get a second alone. when it isn’t steve’s kids are crawling all over him 24/7 it’s neil breathing down billy’s neck because he ran out on one fucking class.

well, and then had to lie to neil about why, which was probably what put neil on high alert, but still.

three goddamn weeks.

and neither of them have been patient about it. steve keeps writing billy notes. in the middle of class scrawling things like you have nice eyes and i wanna spend time with you and billy can fucking feel how smug steve gets about making him blush. it’s all he can do not to make a scene in front of half their peers. sometimes he’s not sure if he’d punch steve for being an asshole or kiss him for being sweet.

or both. he can do both.

but mostly he wants time, and somewhere to just...be. with steve.

and he gets that, three weeks after their conversation in the parking lot. steve’s parents will be out of town, and his kids have some stupid game night planned. max keeps asking to go but pretending she isn’t, badly feigning disinterest, and best of all, neil and susan are planning a weekend trip to visit susan’s bedridden aunt a few hours away.

billy is determined to take full advantage of those thirty-six hours. neither of them will acknowledge it directly, but he knows max will tell neil he was home all weekend if she has to. he has no reason to be nervous about being caught, or anything else. it’ll be fine.

it’ll be fine.

he tells himself that over and over but it doesn’t stop him from checking every corner of the house in case neil’s hiding behind a door somewhere before he can even think about getting ready to leave.

he checks again after he’s showered and dressed.

thankfully max is already gone, so she’s not there to see him pacing around like a neurotic rat in a maze.

it almost worse that he isn’t just anxious, he’s excited. and it’s making him twitchy.

there’s no plan. they aren’t going on a date or anything. he’s just...going to steve’s house. steve’s empty house. he’s going to be alone with his soulmate. the list of reasons why that scares him is endless.

and he’s not sure if he’s more terrified of the possibility that steve won’t ask about the makeup thing or the possibility that he will.

knocking on the harringtons’ front door is. an experience. it shouldn’t be. it’s just a fucking door. but billy’s palms are sweating and suddenly he has no idea what he’s even going to say, and he keeps glancing over his shoulder even though he doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and it feels like he’s been standing on the porch for a fucking eternity but—

his worries don’t exactly melt away when steve opens the door but there is a warm flutter in his chest that’s...new. and distracting.

and steve smiles at him all sunshine and chocolate, and the second the door closes behind them he grabs billy’s hand, wide-eyed, questioning, watching billy’s reaction.

his palm is just as sweaty as billy’s and it’s gross, but also kind of comforting.

“hello to you too,” billy snickers, and steve visibly relaxes, lacing their fingers together properly.

“hi,” he breathes quietly, his gaze soft, but intense, focused. “waiting sucked, okay. i’ve been wanting to do that forever.” he shakes their joined hands for emphasis.

“...that all you were waiting to do?”

steve’s grin turns sly, and his gaze drops a little. “no.”

billy wants to kiss him. he wants to be kissed. he wants steve’s mouth on him, somewhere, anywhere, right now. it’s a nice mouth. he’s spent a lot of time looking at it, and thinking about it, about the way the steam from the showers turned his lips so, so red, wet and slick and both too close and too far away, wondering what he’d taste like—

but steve turns away, taking all the air in billy’s lungs with him. it’s so jarring a shift that billy actually sways a little before he gets ahold of himself and lets steve tug him by hand and lead him upstairs.

the wallpaper in steve’s room has to be some kind of hate crime, but billy doesn’t have time to dwell on it, because there’s a beige bag sitting conspicuously on top of steve’s neatly made bed. the clear plastic top is zipped shut, dusty with age and spilled powders, but billy can still make out tubes of lipstick and eyeliner pencils through the haze.

he stops in the doorway and stares at it, thoughts at a stand-still.

steve’s still clutching his hand, tighter now, and no longer pulling him along. “i—uh. the bag was my mom’s, i think. found it crumpled up under the sink, so, like. she probably doesn’t even remember it exists. and the stuff in it is...new.”

“...new,” billy echoes faintly.

“yeah. yeah, i—i bought it. had no idea what i was looking for though, so i hope i did alright.”

billy blinks at him.

“was—was that okay? i know maybe isn’t exactly a yes, but i kinda hoped it could be, y’know? it’s—it’s totally cool if it isn’t. if you’re—if you’re not up for it. or…” he trails off awkwardly and grimaces.

billy takes a breath. “i’m up for it,” he assures steve with more confidence than he feels.

and steve absolutely beams at him. “yeah?”

“yeah.”

turns out steve not knowing what he was looking for meant he bought...everything.

as billy pokes through the mess he tries not to feel too apprehensive. or at least tries not to let it show. too much. he chews his thumbnail, picking up an eyeliner pencil with the other hand. it’s good shit, all the products are, with fancy names for colours and designer labels. it’s all leagues better than the drugstore clearance shelf crap he lifted as a kid. which doesn’t make this any less nerve-wracking.

“it’s been a while since i did this, so. don’t expect it to be, fucking, art or anything.”

steve shuffles closer from his spot at the foot of the bed and touches billy’s knee. “the eyeliner earlier this year…?” he gestures vaguely at his own face, eyebrows raised.

“friend of mine did that,” billy mutters.

and then his whole goddamn life came crashing down around him because of it.

his anxiety spikes, and he drops the pencil back into the pile, shoving the bag away. “i can’t fucking do this,” he snaps, and he’s halfway standing already when steve reaches for him, alarmed.

“billy, wait—” the hand on his elbow is soft, gentle, but he still flinches away. steve withdraws, fingers curled, lips parted, shock and hurt at war on his face. “i’m sorry. i—shit, i’m sorry—”

“don’t.” billy shakes his head, pulling away further. his lungs hurt. there isn’t enough air in this room. “just—forget it. this was a mistake.”

he’s through the door and heading down the stairs before he can think about it, before steve can respond. he wouldn’t have heard him anyways, not over the echoes of his father’s voice that follow him no matter how fast he flees.

but he stops just short of leaving. stands on the ugly little mat by the front door and stares down at it, his forehead inches away from resting against the wooden doorjamb.

he doesn’t want to leave.

he doesn’t want to go anywhere but back upstairs.

and...he kind of hates it. he has no reason to want that. he barely fucking knows steve, and he certainly doesn’t owe him anything. not a look at his authentic self or even a fucking apology. nothing.

so why does he want to give him all of that and more.

why.

it’s fucking terrifying and ridiculous and confusing and…

“billy?” steve calls out tentatively, far enough away that billy doesn’t startle. he’s making his way down the stairs.

if he’s gonna run, it’s now or never.

now…

or…

he turns around, and leans back, his shoulder thudding heavily as he hits the wall. his eyes itch, and rubbing them doesn’t help.

“billy…” steve’s right in front of him now, hovering just shy of being close, worry etched into every line of his face. “i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have pushed, i’m sorry—”

“not your fault,” billy mumbles, muffled against his palm. “stop apologizing, harrington.”

steve sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. “i...uh.”

“you were gonna do it again weren’t you.”

“...no.”

billy snorts quietly, head falling against the cold wallpaper at his back. “fuck,” he exhales, hand dropping to his shoulder. “look, this is...threatening to be the best fucking thing that ever happened to me, and good things don’t just—it never lasts. it always blows up in my face, and you should know that before you get caught up in it too.”

there’s an awful, drawn-out pause while steve purses his lips and tilts his head and looks billy up and down, his gaze gentle despite the scrutiny.

“i want to touch you,” steve says quietly. he waits for billy’s hesitant nod before he wraps his arms around and tucks his face into the crook of billy’s neck. “i’ve been waiting for you my whole life, hargrove, you’re not scaring me off that easily.”

and...billy always wanted to believe in the romantic notions people wrote about in songs. soulmates being destined for each other. epic, unconditional love. he never had any reason to believe it was real, but he clung to it anyway. despite the part of him that was wary, afraid of putting too much stock in something that might break his heart later on.

so for steve to just outright say it like that…so matter of fact. the reality of the situation smacks him in the face a little.

he puts his hands on steve’s waist, slipping under his shirt to rest against soft bare skin. touching him feels...right. when he lets himself feel, lets himself be here, in the moment. the sweet scent of steve’s hair, the warmth of his breath, the soothing pressure of his fingertips smoothing the wrinkled fabric of billy’s shirt. it all adds up to a feelings that billy can only describe as home.

not home like the place, but home like the warmth of sunlight and sand between his toes, ocean spray on his lips. a feeling he’s always had to chase to capture, but somehow it’s...here. quiet and still, and nothing like he’s used to, but it’s here.

and his touch seems to put steve at ease as well, he practically melts into billy’s embrace, which does strange and addictive things to billy’s heart.

but he can’t just shut his fucking mouth and enjoy the moment.

“bet i could, though. scare you off. i might, some day.”

“billy,” steve sighs, and pulls back enough to look him in the eye. “trust me when i say, you’ll never even make the top ten scariest things i’ve seen.”

and he wants to scoff, or feel insulted, or push the issue, start a fight, but. there’s a hollow look in steve’s eye. it’s not the face of some sheltered rich boy who thinks he’s a big man, no, there’s truth there. billy believes him.

stopping the tide of questions is almost physically painful, but he knows there’s no going down that road today. he’s hiding enough of his own skeletons to be sure they aren’t ready for that yet.

he might just be ready for something else though.

“i wanna try again.”

steve blinks at him, confused for a beat, two, and. “oh!” his lips part around the exclamation, distracting billy for a moment. “the—the makeup? you don’t— you don’t have to.”

“i want to.” he hesitates, and then presses a brief kiss to the tip of steve’s nose, startling a smile out of him. billy grins back. “i want to.”

#harringrove ficlet #harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #a raven's writing desk #soulmate au #yall this au is getting out of control this fic was supposed to be one lil scene #and i didn't even do the thing i wanted to do because billy was like NO IMA DO THIS INSTEAD #so then this whole ficlet got derailed because he's a drama queen #so #there's gonna be more dlkjfkltgfd #cuz im GONNA do the idea i had #im gonna