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nashibirne · 3 years

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DESPERADO - 4

Ready for the next part of Desperado? Here it is. You will learn about Helen's past and August's feelings but it's pretty emotional and angsty so I hope you still like it. Let me know and leave me a comment, reblog or like 💜

Pairing: Augut Walker x OFC (Helen Nichols)

Summary: August has survived the fight with Ethan Hunt and the fall from the cliff. A few lucky coincidences saved his life and he ends up with a woman that saves him and gives him shelter in her little hermit hut. He is at a turning point in his life. What is he going to do?

Word count: ~ 3.3 k

Warnings: A lot of angst, mentioning of death and grief, mentioning of sex

UNBETA'ED! English is not my mother tongue, so expect bad grammar, wrong spelling, chaotic punctuation and clumsy language. All mistakes are mine…

Credits: I don’t own August Walker and anything related to MI:Fallout. Pics for the moodboard from pinterest, face claim Helen: Rooney Mara

You can find parts 1 to 3 and my other fics on my masterlist.

Taglist (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)

@lunedelorient @inlovewithhisblueeyes @willkatfanfromasia @hell1129-blog @mis-lil-red @agniavateira @kebabgirl67 @omgkatinka @legendarywizarddetective @summersong69 @taebfada @xxxkatxo @artandotherdelights @notabrobro @littlefreya @luclittlepond @eldarwen333 @meowpurrbooks @marantha @liliumdream @enchantedbytomandhenry @greensleeves888 @witcherfan @margauxmargaux07 @radaofrivia @m07belzen @a-little-counter-esperanto @starstruckkittyangel @mary-ann84 @sillyrabbit81 @emelinelovesjc @wheretheriversrunintothesea @lam0ureuxq

*************

Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day

You're losin' all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

From Desperado by The Eagles, Lyrics: Don Henley, Glenn Frey

August soon lost count. They had sex often after he had been able to dispel Helen's worries regarding protection by revealing that he had a vasectomy years ago. So they fucked almost every day, but Helen wasn't up for more than foreplay and the sex itself. It was always the same, when they were done she got up to take a shower before going on with her daily tasks and it left him feeling strangely used and empty.

After their first time he had mentioned that the folding bed seemed to be an unnecessary loan now and Helen's reaction had left him speechless. She had laughed out loud.

"I don't think so. I'm not planning on sharing the bed with you...August." His real name just wouldn't flow smoothly from her lips at this time.

"Why not? We've just fucked."

"That's sex, just physical. Sharing a bed is intimate. It requires trust and I'm sorry but I can't trust you as long as you don't tell me who you are and what you're involved in."

"I'm not going to rape or murder you in your sleep", he snorted, rolling his eyes.

"I know, but still…"

And so, since he still hadn't told her the truth about August "The Hammer" Walker and John Lark, they fucked but they didn't sleep together. August found it quite ridiculous but he couldn't do much but accept it. He just wasn't willing to reveal the dirty truth, even after Helen had finally told him about the FBI guy that had nosed around in the village and about that file that proved that his enemies considered him to be dead. He was too scared she would kick him out of her house and out of her life. He wasn't ready to lose her. Not yet.

Instead he got accustomed to the situation and in the next weeks they established a domestic routine that was new to both of them. Helen usually worked in the mornings. She was a journalist and writer and to his surprise August found out that in fact she was a bestselling author. She had published three books so far. One about her hermit life in Kashmir, one about the region as a destination for backpackers and an illustrated book that was dedicated to the beautiful nature in the Dachigam National Park and all three of them had been pretty successful in the US. So she worked on her new book till noon almost every day and August worked on his recovery, doing all kinds of exercises indoors and outdoors.

After lunch they did anything that had to be done around the house and Helen often left for a walk to collect berries and mushrooms or to take photos in the afternoon. August usually read a book when she was gone but on this day he decided to join her. He had done some runs in a small radius around the hut but he had never really explored the surroundings and he felt like missing out on something. Plus, if he was honest with himself, he wanted to spend some time with Helen. Quality time.

So they strolled through the woods on this beautiful, sunny day, enjoying the warmth of the sun and a light breeze that chilled their cheeks. Helen took a bunch of pictures, concentrating on moss and lichens that grew on giant rocks and gnarled, old trees. August was waiting for her to take a shot of an overgrown branch, leaning against a rock wall, his face turned towards the sun, his eyes closed. "Stay exactly like this." Helens soft voice made him smile but when he heard her camera click he opened his eyes with a frown. "What are you doing?" He turned his face away from her and started to walk on. "Taking pictures of you. You looked great in that light, all lost in thought." She jogged a few steps to keep up with him. "Oh yeah", he snorted, "I'm sure I looked like a supermodel." She stopped him by tugging at the sleeve of his jacket. "You looked like yourself. Confident and very handsome." Her smile touched him in a way that made his stomach flip and he really didn't know how to reply to her compliment. He just gave her a helpless smile and Helen placed a hand on his burnt temple, giving him a tender smile in return. August grinned the awkwardness away and when he turned around his eyes fell on a huge rock that was completely flat on the top , building a natural lookout point over the region. "Look", he said pointing upwards, "the view from up there must be fantastic."

"Yeah. Maybe." Helen gave him a look he couldn't really read. "Let's just go back home, okay?"

"First I wanna go up there." August ran his hands over the rough surface of the stones, glancing up to figure out the best way to climb the cliff.

"No, that's a bad idea, August. It's too dangerous, and your ankle…"

"My ankle is fine, Helen. It's been more than 8 weeks now. It's completely cured."

"Still... you're not a climber, you could get hurt." She sounded strangely anxious and August had no idea why. The cliff was very rocky, so that natural steps could easily be found and it wasn't very high. It didn't seem to be dangerous at all.

"You don't have to join me. I'll climb up quickly and will be back in a few minutes. You can take pictures of me conquering the mountain." He winked at her before he put a foot on a ledge and started to climb.

"No! August, please…" Helen yelled at him, the despair in her voice making him stop immediately. He turned to Helen with a frown. "I'll be carful, I promise."

"No! Don't do this. Please don't." She sank down on her knees, sobbing, staring at him pleadingly, her voice weak and trembling. August hopped off the rock and kneeled down beside her, taking her in his arms. She was crying now, hiding her face in her hands.

"Helen, calm down. I'm here, I won't climb, okay?" She wasn't able to answer, she just clinged to his body, weeping uncontrollably. He hugged her in a tight embrace, cradling her, rocking her trembling body gently back and forth. To his own surprise it didn't feel awkward or forced, it felt natural, he wanted to comfort her, he wanted to hold her and to be the one to make her feel safe and sound and all this made him realize that he had slowly and somehow unnoticed fallen for her.

He'd been in love before, of course, he hadn't always been a bitter, cold-hearted jerk, but that was years ago in what felt like a different life. So August Walker knew love but with time he had forgotten about the sensation, after far too many disappointments in his life, not only in love but mainly in his job, he had pushed all positive emotions aside and his heart had gone numb before turning into a stone. It seemed like Helen, with her tough, aloof but captivating and caring personality, was able to touch his heart, to make him feel again, to make him love again. The thought alone scared the fuck out of him but now was not the time to worry about himself, now it was time to take care of Helen.

"Shhh... it's okay. Everything is fine, Henny." He'd never called her that before, it was his secret nickname for her, he just used it in his thoughts, and when she heard it she lifted her head to look at him with a hint of a smile, her eyes still overflowing with tears. "I'm sorry," she sobbed.

"No need to be sorry. Just try to calm down." He smiled at her tenderly and gave her hair some soft strokes, still holding her in his arms. When Helen started to relax and her breath went back to normal, August pressed a kiss on her forehead. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Helen gave him a sheepish grin. "I guess you think I'm totally nuts now." She blushed a little and August gave her a wink. "Don't worry. I've seen worse."

They didn't talk for several minutes, they just sat on the ground in the sun, snuggled up to each other.

"It's because of Allison", Helen broke the silence eventually, "she died like this."

"She died climbing?" August asked softly and Helen nodded, a sad look on her face. "Yes, and it was my fault."

"You said she died in an accident."

"Yeah, but it was still my fault."

"Tell me about it", August asked and after a short moment of hesitation Helen took a deep breath and started to talk. She told him how she and Allison had been on a backpack trip 8 years ago, both of them working for a travel magazine, preparing a report about Jammu and Kashmir, Helen as the writer, Allison as the photographer. They had stayed in the hut Helen lived in now, doing day trips to explore the region. Helen had heard of a special spot, a mountain that not only offered a spectacular view on a hidden lake but that also was kind of a biotope, a habitat for rare plants she wanted to write about. Allison had been hesitant about the idea of going there because they both were hikers, not climbers but Helen had persuaded her. When they had reached a plateau just below the top of the mountain Helen had backed out at the sight of the steep, exposed mountain ridge they would have to manage to get to the summit. She had refused to go any further but Allison wasn't willing to give up so close to their goal. Helen had begged her not to do it but Allison had insisted on trying. She had climbed only a few yards when she'd lost balance.

"I'll never forget the surprised sound she made when she fell. She hit a rock, hurting her head and she broke her back when she landed on the rocky ground of the plateau. It was terrifying." Helen was crying again, softly this time. August took her hand to soothe her and it seemed to work. She was able to talk again. "There was nothing I could do for her besides holding her hand. She had a fractured skull and internal bleeding. She died in my arms."

"I'm so sorry, Helen. That must have been dreadful", he squeezed her hand and he truly felt the sympathy that was showing in his eyes, "but this wasn't your fault. It was an accident."

"An accident that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't made her go on this stupid trip."

"You didn't know that it was dangerous. And it was her decision to climb on the ridge." August's voice was soft and tender and Helen was grateful for his sensitivity and his kind words. She rested her head against his chest with a sigh. "I know. The rational part of me knows that, but the irrational parts of my mind will never stop feeling that dreadful guilt. I just can't shake it off."

"Yeah, I know the feeling." August smiled at her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Why did you stay?"

"I stayed because I needed a safe space to process what had happened and to mourn. I wanted to return to Maine when I felt ready to face the world again…"

"But you're still here."

"Yeah, I grew to like my hermit life and I fell in love with a man who helped me to deal with this tragedy. And so I decided to stay for good."

"Naseer?" August guessed.

"Yes. He was such a great support. He was always there for me, helped me to buy the hut, to renovate and furnish it according to my taste but our love didn't last. In the long run he wanted me to move to his farm, to become his wife and mother to his children, to live a traditional life as a married couple. But that wasn't my dream, not my vision of my future."

"But you're still friends."

"We are. Now. It took us a few years but after his wedding we found a way to leave the past behind and become friends. He's my only friend actually."

"No, he's not", August said softly and Helen gave him a grateful smile. "Thank you. For...all this. Listening and comforting me...and, well." She shrugged, blushing, gesturing vaguely at him and her and their surroundings.

"Of course. You took good care of me, today I take care of you, okay? Just tell me what you need."

Helen nodded. "I want to go home. Let's go back and watch a movie?"

"Sure. Haven't watched a movie in ages."

They got up and walked back to the house and Helen felt strangely happy when she linked arms with him and he let it happen. She knew it was foolish to become emotionally involved with a man she knew close to nothing about, who hid every personal information from her, who was bossy and cocky and way too stubborn for his own good, but she still couldn't help it. She was falling for August Walker and there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn't the sex, not only. He was a great lover, sure, experienced and skilled but what she really liked about him besides that physical component was his dry sense of humor, his cleverness, his confidence, his dignity and his passion. The way he had fought himself back to life, his willpower, the determination to work on his recovery as soon as he was able to leave the bed, ignoring all pain and exhaustion, had shown her that he was a fighter, a survivor. A strong, protective man she was so attracted to, it really scared her and it was also pretty embarrassing that she was so turned on by his alpha male vibes and the caveman attitude. But there was more to him. He had this broody, emotional side too and she was sure deep down inside he was pretty sensitive and maybe even warm hearted. And so over the weeks she had grown feelings for him, she'd tried to fight hard but unsuccessfully. Each time she went to the bathroom after having sex with August, it was a kind of helpless and futile attempt to wash away her emotions and pour the loving feelings down the drain. Unfortunately it never took more than one look into his eyes to resurrect them.

An hour later August and Helen were sitting on her couch in front of the TV, sharing a blanket and a plate with fruits and berries, waiting for the movie to begin. She had chosen a film called "The Shape of Water" he had never heard of before. The cover of the DVD was pretty strange, showing a couple hugging under water, the woman looking ordinary but her partner seemed to be some kind of fishman.

"It's a great movie," Helen said not for the first time, "very moving and romantic. The female protagonist is an outsider, a mute cleaner in a lab and she falls in love with an amphibian man."

It turned out she was right. The film was amazing and it left August extremely touched and with many questions running around in his head. They were eating the last berries, discussing the end of the movie, when he blurted out what he desperately needed to know.

"Could you fall in love with a monster?"

"He's not a monster. Not to Elisa."

"But everyone considers him to be one."

"Yes, because they don't understand him and his nature, they don't even try. But she does and she knows what lies underneath his spiky appearance."

"So you could? Fall in love with a man who is considered to be a bad man, an enemy, an unscrupulous monster?"

Helen looked him in the eyes, taking her time to answer. "If he was honest with me...if he let me see who he really is...if he explained himself to me and let me draw my own conclusions. Yes, under these conditions, I could fall in love with a monster. I'd rather have an honest monster than a lying saint."

August closed his eyes with a sigh that was full of relief but also filled with fear.

"Well, then let this monster tell you its story."

"You're not a monster…", Helen turned to look at him with a deep frown.

"No, Helen, please. Just listen, okay? And then -as you said- you can draw your own conclusions."

She gave him a nod and August started to talk. He told Helen about his loveless childhood with physically and emotionally absent parents, his youth as the time he gained recognition for being an extraordinarily good athlete and how it turned him into a confident, popular jock. His career at the CIA, his life as an agent, doing all the dirty jobs efficiently, eliminating public enemies indiscriminately and without asking questions in the first years. He admitted that he was nothing less than an authorized assassin legitimized by the state and he described how he got more and more frustrated with time, questioning his job, the national authorities and politics. He pointed out to her that his disillusionment, the years of frustration and the feeling of being caught in an unjust and outdated machinery culminated in following the ideas of Solomon Lane and finally in writing a manifesto under the pseudonym of John Lark. The hardest part was to confess that he had planned on eliminating one third of mankind by letting off a nuclear bomb in the mountains of Kashmir to alter things for the better. After he had ended with telling Helen about Ethan Hunt and their fight he was anxiously waiting for her reaction, not daring to look at her.

She didn't say anything for a very long time. When she finally started to speak, her voice sounded weak. "You would have killed me and all the wonderful people in this valley without the blink of an eye if Ethan Hunt hadn't stopped you?"

"Yes."

Helen nodded.

"I see. And if you had another chance, would you try again? Do you still stand by what you wrote in that manifesto?"

"No. I don't. Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"I've had a lot of time to think about it during the last weeks and I lost my conviction. You've shown me another side of life, of thinking. You have made me feel again. Feelings I haven't had for the longest time. Feelings of love, Helen." August almost whispered the last words, scared of her reaction but Helen just nodded again, her face blank, her expression unreadable.

"Say something, Helen. Please." He took her hand but she pulled away.

"I can't, August. Not yet. I need time to process all you've just told me. I need some time on my own."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm going to return the folding bed to Naseer tonight and I'm going to ask him if I can stay with him and his family for a few days because I don't feel well and don't want to be alone. I'll return when I've made up my mind and when I have we won't need a second bed anymore. One way or another."

*****

#henry cavill #cavillry #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfiction #august walker #august walker fanfiction #august walker x ofc

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kanmom51 · 3 years

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JM JK timeline.- my observations how they grew over the years

Disclaimer: these are my own opinions and conclusions. Feel free to disagree, but hate or aggression will be unacceptable.

2017 - Part 3

Ooh, we have reached a major event here. Serendipity. 4 September 2017, or is it 1 September 2017 (??), as I will explain bellow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEMaH9Sm3lQ&t=16s .

Or what I like to call: JM’s love ode to JK.

Now tell me this: If Jimin’s song Serendipity was released 4th September 2017, and uploaded to BangtanTv on 5th September 2017, why is the date stamped on the MV 1 Sep 2017?

Does that date mean something? Let me think for a second….oh, it does, doesn’t it? It’s someone’s birthday !!!

JM tells us himself: “All of this isn’t just a coincidence”.

Serendipity is a beautiful love song, and I honestly believe it is JM’s love ode to JK, a birthday present to his love.

I am aware that Jimin is not the one who wrote the lyrics for the song. RM did though. RM, that at this point was very much aware of the relationship and JM’s great love for JK. RM that had written JK’s Begin, a song that everyone agrees is a very personal song of JK’s.

The “I am you, you are me” line actually originated from a song released by Zico in early 2016. There are theories that Jikook used a reference from that songs MV (the band aids on their fingers) during a Puma fan sign on April 2nd 2016. So, if this is true and the line had special meaning for them to start with, and it found it’s way into the song lyrics... feel free to make your conclusions...

And although we have no way of knowing just how involved JM was in the process of writing this song (did he ask for a love song? Did he give ideas to insert into the song, like destiny, not being a coincidence, the cat?), but at the end of the day, JM ‘owns’ the song, believes in what he is singing. When he talks about the song you can feel the emotional personal connection he has with the song. This is his song, and he sings it for JK. And JK knows this is Jimin’s gift to him.

Serendipity related, check out the 18th September Dance with DNA Vlive - https://www.vlive.tv/video/42069 .

JK’s reaction when JM says Serendipity is his favourite song. So cute. The thing with this one is that you could easily overlook it or not read too much into it. Only Suga’s reaction here is the tell all.

At the point that JK is acting all shy and smiley to himself, Suga moves closer to him, whispering “Jungkookah”, something that brings on a change to JK’s entire facial expression. There’s even a slight head nod from Suga when JK wipes the smile off his face.

Suga hinting to JK not to be so obvious, only made it more obvious. I also noticed that just before JM starts singing Serendipity, just after he was asked what his favourite song from the album is, JK looks sideways to Suga, as if he knows he isn’t supposed to react too obviously – looks a bit like little JK might have been scolded or reigned in prior to the live broadcast. Remember that this is really quite a short time after the song’s release, so JK’s excitement, happiness, is still really fresh. The song is for him, and it’s JM’s favourite...

I am not going to analyse the MV, but there are many who have done so before me. Was JM involved in the planning and did he have any input to the choices made? Idk. There is a similarity to the motif of the DNA MV. Is it a coincidence that the dominant colour used is JK’s favourite colour? Who knows. But doesn’t the song say “all of this is not a coincidence”?

Add to that JM starting to use the paw print emoji by JK’s name on Twitter? A coincidence? Mmm… interesting.

From this point on it is clear that “you are me, I am you” is a JM and JK thing.

21 September 2017 BTS comeback show. JK was in charge of putting together each of the members DNA. Very enjoyable. But why did JM have to mention again that JK comes to their room to sleep? Also, how does JK know that JM doesn’t wake up Hobi when he is playing games late at night? JM telling us how he now learnt how to play games – then what games was JM good last year (re: Vlive 22 April 2017)?

22 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign– JM singing Serendipity, JK joining in. How happy JM looks when JK sings “just let me love you” with him all while making eye contact with each other at that point. The way JM looks at JK while singing the song. Singing to him.

Still think Serendipity is not JK and JM’s song?

They have a way of looking at one another that sometimes make me feel like I’m intruding on a very intimate moment.

24 September 2017 SBS Inkigayo Super concert – found it!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fb-_jkdxgh4 start watching at 3.36min.

This is the one I remembered, where JM, saw the need to grab JK’s butt, run his hand up and down his back side, right through the crack, repeatedly. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7fv0CaQT9M start watching 11:30min , JM walks to his place past JK, lightly brushing his hand against JK.

When I mention the brushes or light touches – this is what I mean (see attached photos). Obviously, there will be those who say it wasn’t intentional, that he was walking by him and didn’t mean to touch him. I say bollox to that (excuse the language).

First, there was plenty of room not to walk so close to JK. Second, if you notice, he circles JK only to make it back to the same actual side he was on to begin with. All he had to do was back up, just like JK did, and not circle JK to make it to his place on stage. Third, to me it looks as if he was aiming to touch JK’s hand, only it was too high up.

26 September SBS MTV The Show. Happy happy boys.

30 September 2017 Love Yourself fan sign Sinchon – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SMIdoK9rfAI .

Another one I was looking for. I have seen this moment and wasn’t sure where or when it was from. This is one of those clips Jikook’s use to show Jimin being jealous, and to be honest, first time I saw it it made me wonder too. But watching it again and again, I have come to the conclusion that that wasn’t the issue.

To me this is more JM being protective than JM being Jealous. Setting the boundaries for V when it comes to JK, and it is something we see with JM more than once.

JM wasn’t happy. V wasn’t happy. Boundaries were set.

I actually wrote a separate post about this moment.

1 October 2017 BTS live – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU-NOMLvqQ

Tipsy JK must be a Jikooker. His guard is down, inhibitions are gone and he becomes really chatty and tends to say and do things that he most likely regrets later on. We didn’t see the members drink what seemed to be alcohol, but the vibe I got from JK’s talkativeness and behaviour during the live was that he was tipsy. Not outright drunk, but tipsy.

To the fan’s request to show his abs, JK starts checking himself out, looking under his T-shirt, only to be scolded by JM to keep it to himself. This is also the first time we hear him Jikooking, talking about eating with Jin and JM, referring to them as Jin-jikook, and then turning to JM, while the others try to call them by another name (I wonder why…). Did I not say tipsy JK is a Jikooker???

3 October 2017 Run BTS episode 22. https://www.vlive.tv/video/43438 start 7.00min.

JM turns to JK asking him to vote for him. The softness in JM’s voice when he asks him acting all coquettish. The way JM approached JK and the way he spoke to him, that’s not the way someone talks to his mate, or to his ‘brother’.

There was a softness in the approach to JK. coquettish is the only way I can describe it.

Love hearts were added by the show’s editors, not me !!!!

12 October 2017 BTS countdown. Can be found on Dailymotion.

All JM had to say was one word – Jungkookah and JK, surprisingly (not) chose him. The look of joy on their faces at that point. And again the editors with the heart emoji effects. Uhm…

JM and JK’s team was the team chosen by the fans, and guess what song they both choose to sing, as JM piggy backed JK? Their song obviously… Serendipity.

And yet again, JM gets to tell us JK comes to his room to sleep. We hear you JM. We hear you.

Jimin birthday surprise (BangtanTV 1 November 2017) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aAhNAl53ZY.

JM gets flowers sent from his father. J-Hope and Suga pretend JM’s dad has arrived to surprise JM, Suga pointing and saying he saw him. JK slowly backs up, shocked and alarmed smile on his face, trying to move behind RM. Then the boys start laughing.

Now, why do I think this is a moment worthy of my timeline? Well, when the boys start laughing, revealing it was a joke, the one Suga points at, laughingly, is JK.

The whole thing feels like a joke on JK, not JM. JK is the one being teased. Why would JK be so stressed out from JM’s dad being there? And why would the boys be teasing him like that? Hm…

The funny thing is that the camera is on JK and Suga, not on JM, who was supposedly just told his father was there. That feels slightly strange to me. Wouldn’t they want to catch JM’s reaction? Not JK’s?

28-30 October 2017 JK and JM Tokyo trip together. This trip was long anticipated by JM. He had been looking forward for his trip with JK for a long time. It was a private trip planned and paid for by JK as a gift for JM. What we know about the trip is mostly what they tell us in retrospect.

Saying that, this was truly a memorable trip for them both, and they both can’t seem to shut up about it, talking about it at any possible moment. JK telling us how JM stayed up (only JM?) until 5 am, so they both woke up at 12pm and missed out on plans they had for the morning, JM tells how they went shopping in Harajuku, how during their trip was the longest walk they took, referring to their trip during interviews. As I mentioned – a memorable trip.

31 October 2017 - When returning from the trip JM posts a selca/selfie. I know I said I won’t be doing this, but rules are sometimes meant to be broken, and this specific selca is gorgeous, so…

BTS Wings tour Japan documentary - filmed October 2017, published 12 November 2017 - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7sz5rq .

Both acting cute together. For some reason, they are the only ones that are paired for the one on one interviews, when Suga, Jin and Hobi were all interviewed by themselves.

Felt like JM and inhibitions were strangers during the group interview.

Not really sure what JM was searching for in JK’s thigh during the group interview (when V was talking) – tupping, fingering and squeezing JK’s thigh. And yet again RM and J-Hope’s reactions to die for. Hobi eyes on the action throughout the whole episode, and RM when he notices, I would pay a lot of money to know what was going through his head at that point. My educated guess is: “God, please get me out of here, why did I agree to be the leader????” LOL.

Then when asked what their impressions were when coming to the dome, JM tells how JK was crying, all while caressing JK’s ear. JK tells how he was emotional, and they look at each other. All the while, RM’s face when JM touches JK’s ear, only to continue to place his hands on their shoulders respectively.

JM continues to surprise, telling viewers to anticipate for JK’s sweat. The minute he says that, RM turns to look towards Suga, the vibe I get is: “god, please help me here…”.

Then JM goes on to tell us how in his opinion JK’s sweat is beautiful, Holy water. What???? J-hope repeats JM’s Holy water, then glances for just a second towards RM and looks down nervously – great save Hobi.

The group interview was shot on JM’s birthday. Maybe that had something to do with his good un-inhibited mood.

8 November 2017 – GCF in Tokyo - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrTNLkqGrlc .

While the Tokyo trip was JK’s birthday gift or JM. GCF Tokyo is JK’s love ode to JM.

One of JK’s grand gestures. Up there with RB, as far as I am concerned.

This is not an analysis of GCFT, but I do have a few words to say on the matter. Explain why in my eyes this is a JK’s love ode to JM.

This video was filmed and edited by JK, and JK alone. It supposedly documents their trip together. It was his choice and his alone to edit and publish this video and did so to JM’s surprise.

In the video to start with, he lets us know that it’s the two of them, but from there on, other than seeing JK through the mirrors in the elevator while he is filming JM, the one we mostly see is JM. JM smiling, JM goofing around, JM eating, JM enjoying himself on the Tea Cup ride at Disneyland, JM walking, JM dancing, and as a whole just JM having the time of his life. For a video that is documenting a trip to Tokyo, there is not too much of Tokyo we get to see.

The end credits name JK as the photographer, director and editor, while naming JM as the actor.

There is a strong romantic vibe to the video.

JK’s editing choices, including his music choice for the video are well thought out. His choice to edit to the beat of the song. All cleverly thought out to accentuate both the footage and the lyrics of the song he chose: ‘There for you’ by Troye Sivan and Martin Garrix.

JM told us already: “this is not a coincidence”.

The level of preparation from JK, acquiring the rights to use the song, the amount of time it took to go over the footage and edit the video, all while managing to do that will a full working schedule (working throughout the night). This was clearly something big for him. His joy and pride when it was uploaded to Youtube, clearly showed, him smiley and dancing.

2 days prior to GCFT, on 6 November 2017, JM published his short clip of the trip. JM too took the time to edit a cute footage of the trip, documenting both of them having fun. Putting them both side by side only emphasizes the difference and showcases just how much GCFT was all about JM, being JK’s love ode to JM.

To be continued...

#jungkook #jimin #JK #JM #Jikook #Jikook are real #Jikook timeline #JMJK timeline #JKJM timeline #GCFT #Serendipity #Kookmin #Kookmin timeline

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spade-riddles · 3 years

Text

Tea 🍵 Time Responses

Tea Time! There's something in the bridge of Coney ISLAnd you all are missing!

🍵

Coney Island 🎤

_____________________

rainbowdaisy13 said:

Ok look into Isla Grant. She’s a Scottish folk singer and a lot of her song titles are like woah. “Daisy for Mama, You’re the Best Friend, Partners in Rhyme, Keeper of my Heart, Out of the Blue”

Could be a weird coincidence

lov4-kaylor said:

Maybe Something to do with the Gold Clock??? We just recently saw the Gold Clock in the Fearless De-Coding post from T. Maybe we still need to de-code something further with the Gold Clock. The word scramble was too easy for Ts style anyway!

a-swift-folklore said:

Why write it like IS-LAnd? My first thought was "Is LA"

sherryd23 said:

Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest grey.. a universe away...

Anonymous said:

Isla is a Scottish feminine given name, and it just so happens to be pronounced EYE-la 🧐

Anonymous said:

ISLA / isn't there a famous treeline in LA? it's been in a lot of movies. bonus :drake's party was in LA

asteracaea said:

the only isla i know of is fischer...

cyberpunk89 said:

maybe it’s “name” in “when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your NAME” and tea time anon made it Coney ISLAnd, so… ISLA the name? Still not sure, it’s too simple.

UPD: well. Taylor sings “ [your] name” on 3:19 and it’s 3+1+9=13. I hate these “13″ references even if it’s coincedence.

Anonymous said:

It's probably obvious, but the Trump family bought up huge swathes of Coney Island in the 60s and got entangled in legal actions over what to do with it. Locals were trying to revitalize the area but Trump Sr wanted to forget the fairground amenities and build more profitable apartments instead. I don't remember all the details but I think they took him on and he won. The setting adds a layer of sad irony to Taylor singing about losing the good times after the election.

Anonymous said:

re: tea time/ full disclosure i'm terrible with riddles but if you google gold clock nyc the most prominent that comes up is on fifth avenue (the 666 kushner bullding is also on fifth avenue). it's not much but i hope we can solve this

Anonymous said:

ISLA-Lisa baby name?

Anonymous said:

Okay the Coney Island bridge makes mention of a birthday and TT! anon hid the name Isla in their message! Could Isla be the name of the Kaylor child?

Anonymous said:

ISLA Blair, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.

lov4-kaylor said:

Could it be the babies name??? Ben??? Silly me that's the cat's name...

Anonymous said:

"When I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name " well she certainly did not forget to say Joe's name, so whose name could she possibly have forgot? 🤔😆

Anonymous said:

Well it could be Isla, as in the name, that's why it was capitalized. But if it was that simple why specifically direct us to the bridge? Food for thought: the bridge of the song has 11 verses/lines (according to google) and Coney Island has 11 letters. So maybe we should focus on the capitalized ones, which are 6-9? So on this part: "Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray / A universe away /And when I got into the accident / The sight that flashed before me was your face".

Anonymous said:

just dropping observations about the coney island bridge, maybe someone else can run with them

Isla is a (Spanish) girls name, that means island

when taylor sings your name in the bridge it sounds like someone is singing in the background/ there is an echo

the only other time this is the case is during the first three lines of the bridge specifically

your name is said exactly from 3:17 (11) to 3:19 (13)

one connection I made was to Taylor mentioning three kids on the last 'podium' where she thanked people. this seemed strange to everyone and feels like it was a placeholder for a name she 'forgot'/ couldn't say

@chosetherose said:

Ooo thanks TT!

First thoughts:

Isla is a popular baby girls name. Is this kaylor’s daughter’s name?

I need to listen to Coney Island again and think things through.

redpaintedgolden said:

i feel like it’s about

Were you waiting at our old spot

In the tree line

By the gold clock

the other lines are kinds self explanatory. and we know abot the birthday cake

Anonymous said:

Re TT Coney ISLAnd, the only thing that has been in my mind since the Grammys is the bit

And When I walked up to the podium

I think I forgot to say your name

Over and over..

So, the baby in Coney Island isn’t the same person that was named in the Grammys speech (obvious, yes)

But what’s really been haunting me about this song is the lyric “when the sun goes down”.. and coincidentally a certain embodiment of the sun or literal sunshine ☀️ went down (in the dark/out of the spotlight) around the same time evermore was released.

swift-79 said:

So I have a little time before a meeting so let see. London has a ferris wheel like a coney island. The London Eye. Lyric:"we're you waiting at our old spot. In the tree line by the gold clock".🤔🤔 So if it is about Joe why is someone waiting in secret! 😉😎🌈 So old golden clock maybe the Big Ben in London. Does it have tree lines?

Yes it does than next lyric:

"Did I leave you hanging every single day?"🤔

Another meaning for hanging can be "floating" She used that word not so long ago. 🤔🤔🤔

Lyric: "where you standing in the hallway with a big cake, happy birthday"

Now about the cake in the hallway we know that KK who left a Victoria Secret photo shooting to be at Taylor b-day or it about the cake in Miss Americana🤔

Don't have more time to decipher maybe this can be a start for another person to continue. I don't know if I am on the right path either. Good luck!!!! 😉😎🌈

kellykaylor said:

When I first saw ISLA in capital letters, i was thinking about the International Securities Lending Association, a trade association. But I dont think thats the part we missed.

So for all the NYC people out here: is there a physical bridge which u can take to coney island? maybe tea time anon was referring to an actual 🌉? swift-79 said:

Hmm Great Britain is an Island in the North Atlantic Ocean! 😉😎🌈

Anonymous said:

re: teatime anon, if the C in Coney ISLAnd is capitalized, perhaps the I would normally be capitalized as well, meaning the change would be the capitalization of SLA.

i don’t have much either than that but, SLA is an acronym for “Service Level Agreement” —which isn’t really a term in the entertainment world i don’t think but one example definition i found is “a guarantee of performance in a contract, with penalties for not hitting the published elements. For example, a customer might have a guaranteed 4 hour response window to equipment issues, or a guarantee on spare part arrival of 24 hours or less.”

#tea time #tea time anon

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captainsimagines · 3 years

Text

To Topple A Giant || Chapter Eight

Summary: You had made it your mission to destroy even the smallest evils. When the opportunity arises to finally take down your own family after years of gaining their trust, you reach for it. And so does Steve, the man who represents a symbol of everything you hate.

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Reader || Avengers x Reader

Part 8 of 10 ~ Mini-Series

Warnings: This story contains mature themes and discussions such as extreme canon violence, strong language, emotional angst, mentions of Endgame deaths and recoveries, sexual situations, and emotional/physical abuse. This is purely fanfiction.

Warnings in this Chapter: abusive parental relationship; extreme canon violence (gun violence, hand-to-hand, baton use, knives); strong language; mentions of drug smuggling, drugs, and human smuggling; mentions of blood and blood loss; major/minor character death (not the mains, don’t worry!); angst; gunshot wounds; heavy alcohol consumption

Word Count: 14,600+

A/N: Listen... you know damn well I had to put some American Pie lyrics in this. The reader’s and Jackeline’s relationship is not modeled after Nat and Yelena lol it was literally the biggest coincidence.

MedBay - The New Compound, 2024, 1:52 pm

“He did what?”

Bruce smiles sheepishly as he lugs Steve’s practically lifeless body onto one of those beige medical beds. Dr. Cho is pacing calmly around the room, getting her instruments cleaned and ready. She tries to ignore the way you’re crowding her, inspecting everything she touches and in turn is going to end up touching Steve.

“He took a bullet for someone.”

“And where is that someone?” you bite. You immediately want to apologize to Bruce for your tone but you’re distracted by the tiny groans of pain coming from the pale super soldier beside you. You have to look away to avoid whimpering yourself, but you can’t exactly make yourself deaf. “Don’t tell me he took a bullet for you.”

Bruce rolls his eyes and steps to the side as Dr. Cho begins cutting away Steve’s pants. “Everyone else is on vacation. He has no one here to take a bullet for besides. It was a shitty liquor store robbery and Steve was, of course, being a hero.”

“Where’s he hit?” you ask, heading over to grab a pair of gloves yourself. No one questions it.

“Femoral artery. Seems like he was plugging his own wound until he could get help.”

Dr. Cho is right. There’s a massive gash in his thigh that’s leaking excessively and the skin surrounding the wound is raised like Steve’s own fingers had plunged so deeply it left an imprint. Not only that, but his hand is covered in his blood. So is Bruce’s, you realize, because he had tried to plug the artery as well.

“How is he not dead yet?” Dr. Cho more mutters to herself than to you guys. Steve’s head is lolling to the side and his lips are an awful shade of white. His eyes are fluttering open and closed… open… closed… and he’s still mumbling random phrases. There’s a rough tug at the bottom of your stomach that pulls and pulls and there’s a weird urge to crawl onto the table to keep Steve warm.

“He needs blood,” you say, even though all parties in the room know that as fact.

Bruce, however, winces. “Sam’s not even in the state right now and I don’t think we have enough time to fly him-”

“Is he Sam’s blood type? What’s his blood type? Why can’t Bucky do it? Bucky’s in Brooklyn, he can be here in five minutes if he runs.”

Bruce starts rummaging through the upper level shelves and freezer cabinets. “Can’t mix the serums. We’ve tried.” He finally finds the blood bags, pulling them all out and spreading them across the clean tables. “It’s - shit - do we not have?”

Dr. Cho is now covered in blood, working as fast as she can to close the wound. “What’s his blood type?”

Bruce repeats it out loud and watches as Dr. Cho’s face falls. “I ran out yesterday. The blood drive isn’t until this weekend. I had a patient come in yesterday, I - I ran out yesterday.”

They seem to be having their own conversation with their eyes and are too focused on each other to see you already stripping your long-sleeve shirt and wrapping that horrible blue rubber band around your upper arm. “Me. Take mine.”

Bruce immediately shakes his head, stuttering as he tries to remove the rubber band. “Nu-uh, I don’t know if you know this but you’re human. I need two bags, three tops. I can’t just take it all from you right now!”

“Then get me some cookies and a juice box. I don’t care how much you have to take to make him speak a coherent sentence. Do me.”

Bruce hesitates but he rushes to the cabinets for the needles, vials, tubes, whatever - “No, do it direct.”

Your words startle the two doctors but they don’t question it. They hook you up and poke the needle in the first vein they find, attaching the tube instead of a single vial and direct it to Steve.

“You sure your blood matches?”

You give Bruce a pointed look as if that isn’t something written on your dog tags or on your weekly personal reports.

In the end, you’re told that you gave him the equivalent of two pints of blood. Not that you were awake for the second anyway but you vaguely remember Steve’s voice ringing in your ears. You’re not awake as he regains consciousness or to witness his very confused glare at seeing you in the bed next to him.

He swears he heard small mumblings… ‘If you die because of some highway robbery, Rogers --- I’m never gonna fucking stop bullying your grave --- haunt it’.... ‘Stay --- with me, please’.... ‘---supposed to apologize first’....

He tests the waters, mumbling a name he only says with annoyance nowadays. But now, it’s gently said. Soft, a whisper that sounds like a fractured hymn.

Present Day, 2025, 12:05 pm

There isn’t a set emotion in the world that seems appropriate. What are people supposed to feel when they’re singled out and chosen to suffer a life of pain? Self-hate? Pity for themselves? Anger? Sadness? Remorse? Nothing?

You really don’t know what you’re feeling. In the middle of rubbing vaseline on your newly acquired cuts and scrapes and bandaging yourself up, biting on a belt as Bucky set your shoulder back in place, and lying with Steve discussing everything and nothing all night after your promise - well, what the hell are you supposed to feel? As inevitable as it was considering he had ordered you shot before, the one feeling you know you feel is betrayed. Because even though Ernesto has proven himself evil time and time again, to his own flesh and blood, there was still a small part in your heart that didn’t think any parent truly wanted to inflict pain on their children. And your heart keeps proving itself wrong again and again.

“You just... jumped out of the car?”

Ramirez’s voice snaps you from your inner thoughts. He was let out of custody this morning. He’s currently filling in anyone who asks about the shipment, about Ernesto’s future plans, about the role he thought he had.

“Against my better judgment, but yeah.”

He chuckles and grins like he’s a kid hearing the best story ever told. “That’s what superheroes do. At least, what I’ve seen in the movies. John Wick, Bond, esos tipos.”

“I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, Omar,” there’s a teasing tone, “but I’m a fucking Avenger.”

That makes him laugh louder and in turn pulls one from you. “Ya se, ya se. I’ve known you since you were born. It’s weird hearing stories about you saving the world and jumping from bombed cars.”

“Mm, wait until you hear about that time I went into space and landed on another planet. Or time traveled. Take your pick.”

He’s stunned into silence and after a few more praises, he lets you return to typing out your report. There are plenty of other agents around for him to busy himself with. The base is tiny and not at all what you expected, but it’s secure enough to fit Torres, Sam, Bucky, and about fifteen other agents as they prepare for tonight. The plan you and Steve outlined was simple: attend the wedding, butter everyone up, send Steve away to help Ernesto retrieve and move the shipment, Scott and Sam will infiltrate, Bucky would be on standby to help you fight, and the rest of the team at base will begin arrests and sweeps. If everything goes according to plan, at least.

It’s easy to speak negatively about these things - there really were only two ways this could go.

You finish your report and go to stand, only realizing a minute later walking through the base that Ramirez is following you. You send him a funny look over your shoulder and he returns with a small smile of his own.

“Tengo preguntas!”

You stop and let him catch up. “Hmm?”

“Okay,” he starts, motioning his hands wordlessly until he could form them. “Are you and the Captain actually... juntos? Or just Avenger partners?”

“That’s personal, Omar,” you say with a roll of your eyes. “But I guess? That’s weird discussing with you.”

He nods in agreement. “It’s okay, I was just curious. So, him being mad was just an act? He doesn’t really hurt and threaten you, no?” He’s treading lightly, but you can already see the cartel mind turning. He would order Steve’s execution if he had to, even if he believed it to be morally wrong in some situations.

“Never. It was just an act for Ernesto.”

“Ah, Dios. Thank goodness.”

“Yeah, keep your men in line. It’s fine.”

He chuckles at that. “And the other Avengers?”

“They’re my family, Omar,” you grin wide, waking slower for the old man to keep up. “They would never hurt me.”

“That’s good, but not what I was asking.”

“Oh?”

“What are they like?”

Handing your report to one of the agents at a handful of monitors, you laugh loudly. “Do you want to meet them officially?”

“Aye, I know my daughters would like that...”

You raise an eyebrow.

“But I would like to meet them, too.”

“That’s what I thought. C’mon.”

The rest of the team are all relaxing and discussing the past days events in the lounge area, which is really just a glorified break room. Bucky’s still in his morning sweats same as Scott, Torres is already suited up, and both Sam and Steve are wearing their Avenger gear (minus Sam’s wings and Steve’s battered shield). Steve is the first one to notice you enter and he instantly gets up from his chair to greet you with a kiss on the cheek.

“Gross,” Bucky mumbles.

“You’ve been trying to get me a girl for over ninety years, Buck. And now that I’ve finally got someone who likes me back, you bully me for it?”

“Who’s bullin’? I said the same thing when Agent Carter smooched you in the weapon’s room and you thought you were alone.”

You pat Steve’s shoulder. “Think about it, Rogers. When Bucky settles down with someone, you have free reign.”

Steve pulls a thin smile and glances back at Bucky. “I’ll make them hate you.”

“Love and hate are the same thing, pal. It worked out for you two.”

“Okay, we’re done. Everyone, Omar wanted to formally introduce himself.”

Ramirez gives a shy wave. Torres returns it. It’s kind of hilarious to witness. Here you all are, Avengers and some standing over six feet with one of the most wanted drug lords in the world, and the all mighty drug lord is shy.

“I’m so sorry we got off on the wrong foot.” You notice how when Ramirez speaks to strangers or those he deems good people on his side, his accent is a little thicker. It’s like he wants to speak only in Spanish other than the Spanglish you were all accustomed to. “But it really is an honor to meet you all.”

Scott is the first to stand and shake his hand. “Sorry I pointed my gun at you, man. Habit.”

Ramirez chuckles, “Sorry I broke into your room.”

Steve interjects, “Thank you, though. For telling us what more we’re fighting for.”

Ramirez nods, a solemn look spreading over his face. “The minute I found out, I didn’t know who to tell. I’m lucky you were never truly on his side.”

“And what will you do after all this is over?” Bucky stands. “How do we know we can truly trust you?”

Ramirez sneaks a glance at you and you raise your hands. “Hey, I’ve got the same questions as him.”

Ramirez must know he isn’t getting out of this one because he answers quickly. “Drugs have a market where people choose. I just meet supply and demand protocols. I don’t do the unnecessary violence or blackmail. There is no need to. People will always want drugs.”

There’s a round of agreement throughout the small room. Ramirez continues, “But smuggling humans? There is no choice, nothing moral about it, it’s evil.”

“But people get addicted to drugs. They die from them everyday,” Sam argues.

“I produce and deal what you American’s call weed. Ernesto does the big stuff, as does White. I’m,” he laughs a little. “I’m their weed guy.”

“That is true,” you confirm. You’ve moved and packaged Ramirez’s product before. “Literally just weed.”

Everyone seems deep in thought, like their processing Ramirez’s words and the weight behind them. Ramirez ran with the big boys and was the biggest distributor of marijuana in Mexico and America alike, but he never messed with any other product. Besides producing, selling, and smuggling illegal weed, his only other crimes included conspiring with Ernesto on how to get the product over state lines.

“Okay,” Steve starts. “So how is tonight gonna work? We have to discuss that.”

Ramirez bows his head. “You’ve allowed me safety, you’ve listened to me speak, and you’re saving both my life and my daughter’s. If you must arrest me, then you arrest me.”

“The minute you’re transferred to a prison with less security, Ernesto’s men will get you,” you reason, already shaking your head no.

Ramirez gives a nonchalant shrug, “But you’ll get him and White. That’s all that matters.”

You look over to Steve for some other ideas, but like you he doesn’t have any. No one seems to have any.

Torres matches his shrug and his voice is small as he speaks, almost like his next idea is insane. “We can always put him in the Raft.”

Everyone’s eyes go wide.

“That’s where all the enhanced humans go, no?” Ramirez is stunned. “Do I count?”

“We’ve got no idea,” Steve rubs at his chin, looking at you for confirmation he knows you don’t have. “But it’s an idea.”

The plan is no longer singular. Fury had sent his best field agents for the job, the ones with the best aim, the ones with great strategic planning. Although you and Steve were still in charge, it was no longer just your mission. Your mission was to arrest the big three, big four when including Seda. That was it.

The plan goes like this: half the team will be focused on the venue itself, hidden in the shadows and monitoring the big three as well as your mics, and will aid you in the physical fight and arrests. Some are on the ground while others in the sky. Afterwards, they’ll sweep the estate and collect stolen property or priceless artworks. The other half is split into two, where one of those halves will be spread out for miles to capture anyone that might slip through, like guests who were on the most wanted list or guests that have helped Ernesto in the past. The other part of that half will intercept the shipment (once Steve radios in the location), save the hostages, and shut down the routes.

They instruct Ramirez to call Ernesto and to ask him if there’s a vegetarian menu offered. Ernesto responds with only a muttered groan and in a wild turn of events, asks if Ramirez can call you to make sure you arrive earlier than expected to make sure Jackeline walks down that aisle. He’s completely serious. Not only does Ramirez play along, but Ernesto doesn’t give any indication that he knows about the car bomb. So the team makes a judgement call: this was only Seda’s doing.

Ramirez is then told that the Raft is not an option; both the US and Mexican government want him and the only reason he hasn’t been arrested is because he still has many cards to play. The more he helps, the less time he’ll get.

One thing is known: this is the biggest mission anybody has been on in over two years.

Bucky remembers things in bits and pieces. Sometimes he’ll be minding his own business, enjoying this new world and the countless amenities it offers, and remember exactly where he was on the hottest day of the year in 1936. He remembers the blistering heat, boiling his once pale skin and giving him that beautiful olive he was now known for. He remembers the way his tongue dried almost instantly the moment he stepped outside and how he asked his next door neighbor, Ms. Kranshall, for a cup of water before work. He remembers her massive square glasses and how they nudged the tip of her nose as she nodded sweetly at him. He remembers her high but smoky voice and the way she patted his shoulder as he drank the cup down.

The first time he remembered Natalia was around the same time he remembered Steve. He sees a flash of ember in strands, speed almost matching his, and he sees those panicked green eyes he was once all too familiar with.

She was twelve when he first met her, forced to throw her around like a ragdoll until her ribs were bruised and her spirit broken. He went again and again, and when he wasn’t forced he would teach her how to fight properly and how to shield her most vulnerable areas. Scared as she was, she never showed it in those private moments, and decided to follow his lead in most things. And she learned to be fierce, no matter how hard he hit, and he still remembers the look in her eyes and the pull of her young face as they yanked him away for cryo before he could congratulate her on winning her first fight.

The first time he remembered you was when you leapt onto T’Challa’s back as the chase neared, tackling the young prince become king, and watched with sad eyes as both him and Steve climbed onto the jet for Siberia. He remembers your clumsy punches when you fought him with half his brain and how he kicked you so hard you flew. He also remembers how when you took that kick for Steve, the sound of his wail almost deafened the soldier.

Everytime he remembers something, a memory, no matter how strangled it may arise, the twinge in his chest is good. He’s remembering. He’s James Buchanan Barnes.

He feels that same twinge when a face full of freckles greets him at the entrance, documents raised above her head in a show of selfish glee, and a pep in her step that tells him she remembers him too.

“Sergeant Barnes!” Maribel gives a toothy grin. “Never thought I’d see you again!”

Bucky tilts his chin up and rests the tip of tongue between his incisors. “What? Hydra wasn’t enough for you, you gotta infiltrate the Mexican cartel, too?”

She scoffs playfully, “Other way ‘round.”

He snatches the documents from her hand and leads her inside. “I hope you got something here. Steve put a lotta faith in you.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“Y/N does. That’s enough for me.”

Rolling her eyes, she snatches the documents back to turn the pages herself. “Follow me. We need to chat in private.”

“Shouldn’t we get-”

“I’d rather you know, and you tell them later. No audience.”

This causes Bucky to tense. He follows her in further and closes the door behind them both.

The left side of her face had less freckles back in 2012, he remembers, and now she’s covered in them.

Bucky remembers things slowly, but he remembers them.

It’s cold outside, air bruising your skin, and there are hundreds of goosebumps now erupting. You joke with yourself that in the end, you’ll most likely have to ask Steve for his jacket and ruin your overall look but hey, you’ll be warm. The wedding doesn’t start until five in the evening and it’s one’oclock right now, and there are white clouds in the sky instead of gray and the songs of some desperate birds searching for their lunch near your ears. It at least drowns out the constant noise of the agents hammering away at each other and preparing for tonight.

It makes your stomach roll: these agents are putting their lives at risk because of you.

You stepped through the discarded papers and tried not to leave your footprint anywhere important. His office was empty, left in a state of purgatory, and his lamp was still on. It’s like he stepped out for a minute.

You picked everything up: pens, computers, books, chairs. Under everything, there was dust.

He really did die.

As much as you wanted to step on his remains and spit on him, you couldn’t. The gash in your heart was still open and bleeding for everyone else and there was no room left for anger. You were indifferent, for lack of a better word. Frustrated?

A paper crumbles outside his office. No one had followed you in - a week after the snap and every single person on earth was still searching for loved ones or running from something - so no, no one else was supposed to be here. Mexico had been hit hard, it’s government shattered, and every cartel was picking up pieces or tearing the world further apart. There was no line anymore.

You twisted around and aimed your gun at the door, immediately lowering it when you saw Natasha raise her hands. She had this embarrassed smile on her face like she knew she had been caught.

“I meant to say hi over your mic. But you turned it off.”

You sighed deeply and dramatically shrugged your shoulders. “Well, I’m here. Guess who’s not.”

Natasha only nods and steps further into the room. She looks over the same things you did. “He’s gone? Good, good riddance.”

“But his death means nothing if trillions of others died also. It’s so fucking typical of him. If he’s going down, he takes everyone else with him.”

“He didn’t take them, Y/N.”

“I want to be happy,” you spit out through clenched teeth. “I want to feel relief. The fucking bastard is finally gone and I can’t even enjoy it properly.”

Natasha takes one more look at the hallway before letting her guard down almost completely. She envelopes you in a hug, squeezing tighter each time your breath hitches. “Hey, listen to me.”

“He’s gone.”

“I know,” Natasha’s voice is low and reminds you of the gentle hum of record static. “He’s gone and he can’t hurt you anymore.”

“But everyone-”

“No,” she pulls away and places both her palms over your neck. “He’s gone. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

It takes a while before you’re nodding along, repeating her words gently.

“You’re more than the pain he inflicted. You’re more than his name or crimes. You’re worth more than his impact ten times over. He can’t hurt you anymore. I know everyone’s gone, and we’re going to fight like hell to bring them back, but in this little moment, this little thread you can pull - pull it all out - he can’t hurt you anymore.”

She’s all muscle and bone and blood and real. What would you do without Natasha?

The grass beneath your bare feet calms you down. It’s tendrils are a little ticklish and there are droplets of silver morning water fog melting as they touch your skin. Focusing on the feeling isn’t enough to get you out of your own head and for a wild second, you think the God of Thunder is going to come up behind you and hold your hand. It’s peaceful out here, but what you wouldn’t give to see him again.

The day before Steve and Carol returned the stones, he had been here. He did as he promised: the second the flood of happiness extinguished like a Christmas candle, he found you settled in the mass of pillows with only instrumental music playing. He left for two cups of tea, sat in silence with you as you both drank, and whispered a strangled ‘I’m sorry’ as if you weren’t meant to hear it. Apologizing for someone who did come back, and you for someone who didn’t.

‘You know I don’t regret what we did. We brought everyone back.’

‘Don’t try and justify your sadness. Not at all, not with me.’ His voice was stern and his eyes serious.

‘I’m sorry he didn’t come back.’

His eyes had closed, as if he was expecting that apology, and he looked out the window where the sun was just barely rising, shining on him and him alone. ‘I’m sorry, too.’

There are footsteps, though. Heavy ones, footsteps that announce his upcoming presence on purpose so as to not startle anymore. Bucky was too generous for his own good.

“Had a visitor.”

You remain silent as Bucky sits next to you, looking up from his spot and expecting you to sit as well. “There’s water on the grass.”

“There’s water in the air in this godforsaken state, now sit down.” A push of laughter escapes your lungs but you follow his instructions anyway.

You sit in silence for a few minutes, admiring the way the pine trees bend slightly with the gusts of wind and how the birds have changed their pitch. You expect Bucky to speak first so you occupy that time by playing with the strands of wet grass.

“In 1997, I was taken out of cryo for a mission.”

You wince on accident. This wasn’t how you expected the conversation to start.

Bucky continues, “There was this man south of the border.” He points south to prove his point. “Hydra wanted to take him out because he was interfering with the drug routes they were monitoring.”

“Hydra controlled drug routes?”

“Hydra had their heads in plenty of places. They didn’t control them, but they did monitor them.”

You shake your head in understanding. “And this man?”

Bucky sighs heavily. His eyes are focused on the gentle yellows behind the trees instead of you. “He was told to take out another man traveling through and out one of these drug routes. He made a different call.”

“Who was your visitor?”

“Maribel.”

“Wha-?” You go to stand but Bucky gently pushes your left shoulder back down. “Why are you telling me this and not her?”

“She wanted me to tell you. And I guess, in turn, you tell Steve and the rest of the team.”

“Bucky,” your voice trembles on accident. “Tell me.”

“The man I was ordered to take out was Maribel’s brother.” He chuckles at your frantic shuffling and pushes you down again. He continues, “Hey, it’s okay. She never knew him and she doesn’t hate me for what I was.”

You don’t really believe him. But his face isn’t telling you otherwise. You're stuck between wanting to dig for more information and giving him a giant bear hug. “Did you… succeed?”

“The soldier ever rarely lost.”

Your face contorts. “Bucky…”

“He disobeyed orders, Hydra didn’t like that since it disrupted the drug routes, and so I was sent to help. Hydra didn’t seem to care about the man he let go, though.” Bucky shrugs and starts playing with the grass behind your hand. “The thing was, Maribel’s brother had been doing this a long time. Ernesto was on Hydra’s radar but in a good way. Maribel’s brother was also given very specific orders from one other person - their mother.”

The story pieces are all discarded haphazardly, pieces that are from different boxes and don’t seem to entangle properly.

“She told him to let the man go. Because this man was an American, and killing an American on Mexican soil was something that was impossible to hide from the claws of the law. So, this American made it back on US soil safely and was never heard from again. Until 1998, when he tried to re-enter Mexico under a false name but with one purpose. To see his newborn baby girl.”

The yellow behind the pine trees fades into orange.

“Are you saying-?”

“Maribel’s mother kept everything your mother left her when she tried to cross the border herself. Your real birth certificate, her real birth certificate, you.”

Bucky looks over finally, sad smile and all. “Maribel thinks, and now I think, that Ernesto isn’t your real father.”

There are so many questions formulating at the base of your skull that you don’t really take the time to absorb the news. “What did she bring you? What was in those papers?”

Bucky seems startled that your reaction wasn’t one of shock. “Like I said, Maribel’s mother kept a lotta things.” He pauses momentarily before speaking again. “Blood results was one of them. Still trying to authenticate them. The American was a doctor, after all.”

“A doctor,” you whisper.

“A doctor. He changed his name but he’s alive. Maribel’s checked.”

“Why would she tell me this now? Why now just hours before the wedding? Isn’t that why you guys didn’t tell me about what was really in the shipment?”

Bucky winces and his expression tells you he’s sorry.

You continue, “Why now? Why does it even matter anymore?”

He inspects you quickly, scanning your features for any signs of discomfort. “You’re okay? I thought this would surprise you more.”

The chuckle you release is dry, kind of harsh. “It actually answers a fuckload of questions. Like, number one, why he fucking hates me.”

His eyebrows scrunch together. “You think he knows?”

“If he doesn’t, then he’s a super fucking asshole instead of just a fucking asshole.”

Bucky pauses again and smiles up at the sky. The clouds are white and extra large today, and he suddenly remembers the taste of that mini popcorn he had bought and shared with his little sister Becca… Becks… while watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarves at the theater. The salt and butter had stuck to Becca’s fingers and she had wiped them on Bucky’s sweater. He remembers scolding her for that but giving her a napkin in between his giggle fit. He feels the same swell in the meat of his heart listening to you. “We don’t deserve you. You’re like the moon. Always there, shaping yourself into what that person needs, crater after crater beat into you and yet, you move the tides.”

The little snort that leaves your nose hurts a little. “That’s pretty damn poetic for this moment of ‘you’re not the father!’”

Bucky bites his lip and smiles toward the yellow and orange hues. “Like the moon.”

The hotel had replaced the door, no questions asked. The reason Sam decided to bust open the door instead of using the very functional key you had given Torres? No one knows. But the poor receptionist was told that you couldn’t possibly change rooms because this was top secret business and you absolutely wanted to slap Scott upside the head for worrying her. So they fixed the bolts and gave you all new keys.

Didn’t matter much anyway since you weren’t sleeping here tonight. You had already packed and made the beds.

You lay your dress and Steve’s dress attire on the respective beds. The dress sent over was a backless red silk, spaghetti strapped and slit on the left side - you’ve wanted to wear it since it arrived when Scott did.

Steve knocked before entering the room. You almost laughed at the gentlemanly aspect of it. “Thought for sure they’d have kept you for another hour at least.”

“I gotta change sometime. That your dress?” Steve shrugs off his uniform and climbs on top of his freshly made bed.

“That’s my dress. Sort of skimpy for a wedding, no?” You hold it up to show him the front and back.

“Does ‘skimpy’ mean bad?”

“Means slutty.”

He gives you this disappointed look, like he’s judging your vocabulary. “I wouldn’t use that word. So no.”

You silently apologize and move the dress over to the end of your bed. Everyone else was also getting ready for tonight. Agents were posing as local police, many infiltrated the wait staff, suits were being double-checked for any malfunctions. There was so much going on, but all was relaxed in your room. Steve smiles at you from his bed, head resting in his palm as he leans up to stare at you. It’s impossible not to blush under his stare, so you move to climb into his bed. You lay down with your feet to his head, the sides of your hips pressing together; just two upside down puzzle pieces. He chuckles and goes to lay on his back, right arm coming up to lay rested on top of your right thigh.

“All this week I thought I wasn’t ready.” You’ve had no more nightmares. “But I am. I’m ready to end this.”

He runs his fingers delicately along your thigh. “I’m ready to help.” He sighs deeply and cranes his neck to try and meet your gaze. “We’ll make sure they get maximum time.”

“You know that’s not our call.”

“Still.”

You rest for another few minutes, gentle touches calming you. His body is so warm, emitting sweet thoughts like the beginning of spring heat, and it’s impossible not to curl up into it. Steve breaks the comfortable silence, “What are you thinking about?”

You suck in a breath and tell him the truth. “That in the matter of like… five days, you and I are basically lovers now.”

“Lovers?”

“Lovers.”

He laughs out loud and goes to sit up. “I intend on taking you out when we get back home.”

Lifting your head, you rest on your elbows and grin at him. “Oh? And where are you planning on taking me?”

He thinks for a second before pressing his lips together and giving up. “I have to ask Peter or Wanda. I have no idea where you go during the day to eat.”

You laugh, “Seriously? I could’ve sworn you tagged along once or twice.”

“Nope. I always refused.”

You frown slightly, “Riiight.” Not wanting to rehash the reasons why, you try to soften any wrong feelings about what that implies. “I’m sure you’ve been, though. I take Bucky places, too. Ask him.”

“Mmm, I have my pride. Can’t have Bucky thinkin’ he knows more about my girl than I do.”

You smile largely now and hope no lipstick rubbed off on your teeth. “Your girl?”

Steve averts his eyes like he’s just now asking for your name and if you’d like to go dancing. There’s a beautiful scarlet glow painting his pale cheeks. “Like I said, I’m taking you out and asking properly.”

“We’ve already surpassed third base. I remember it vividly.”

His smile falls comically and he turns to grab a throw pillow to smack you with it a couple times. “Crude! Crude as always. Goddamn.”

“I’m sorry! Hey, I’m sorry!”

He stops his attack and pulls you into his chest. He warms your back instantly. “So, you’ll let me take you out?”

“I really, really like french fries,” you hum lightly and tilt your head back to lean into his shoulder.

“That narrows it down, thanks.”

You chuckle due to his sarcastic tone. He rubs his hands up and down your arms. An idea formulates while in the warmth of his body. “You know what I really want to do after we finish with this?”

“What’s that?”

You tell him honestly. “Rent a cabin. Spend a Christmas there, maybe. Catch some fuckin’ fish. Experience the snow properly.”

His eyebrows furrow like he’s dissecting such a claim. “I… wasn’t expecting that.”

You shrug, “Sounds cool though, right?”

“Got room for one more?” He looks down to meet your gaze and there’s a glint of hope shimmering in the blue of his eyes.

“Nat… Natasha.”

Natasha took in a sharp exhale as she lifted her head from the desk, left cheek numb and pink. Steve shot her a funny grin and continued shaking her shoulder until she fully opened her eyes. She slaps his hand away with a huff of laughter.

“Come here to do your laundry? You know, there’s only so many times I can help prevent shrinking shirts.”

Steve scoffs, “I used to do laundry by hand. I can figure out a few buttons.”

“You would think.”

Steve rolls his eyes and bumps her shoulder with the palm of hand before speed-walking into the kitchen. “It’s one of those days.” He opens the high cabinets and pulls a few vodka bottles.

Natasha pushes down whatever was starting to eat at her. She calms her deep breaths and rises from her chair. No words needed to be exchanged. She makes her way over to pull two glasses from the same high cabinets.

Steve watches her a little hesitantly, but she has that lopsided smile that pinches through only one cheek and her eyes are the slightest bit swollen from her power nap, and Steve breathes a sigh of relief. She tilts her head to the other side of the kitchen, that lopsided grin gracing her bare feet. Steve fumbles through a few cleaning supplies and some plastic bags before he finds the bottle.

“I hid it after… after Thor had that meltdown a year ago.”

Now, he was second guessing. It was a small bottle, only half left, but half a bottle of Asgardian liquor was enough to knock the God on his knees. For Steve, a few sips would do the same. But he needed it, he needed it, god help him. It’s been four years, he needs it. “Be my designated driver?”

“How about you spend the night? Y/N wanted to start a new show anyway.”

“I’ll be passed the fuck out during the opening credits.”

“But you’ll be here.”

Steve sighs and pops open the bottle. Natasha puts her hand up to stop him from pouring, “Check under that sink again.”

His eyebrows pinch together but he does as instructed. More cleaning products… more cleaning products. He tilts his head to look at the corners and there it was: a small, pink paper airplane taped mid-flight. Steve hunched his shoulders to grab it and crawled out carefully. “You know, you’re not supposed to tell me where you hide them.”

“Well, I felt bad! I’ve found like fifteen of your blue ones and how many do you have of mine?”

“That’s besides the point-”

“Say it. You’ve found six.”

His cheeks turn hot. “I’m not here all the time.”

“Excuses.”

“I leave mine in good spots. You probably got better eyes or something.”

Natasha laughs, loud and from her chest. “Sure. But hey - I’ll promise you somethin’.”

Steve pours the Asgardian liquor into his glass and straight vodka into Natasha’s. “What do you have in mind?”

“You find more than me by the end of this year, and I’ll take that vacation.”

Steve takes his first sip and tries not to pull a hard face. “You’re on. But what if you win?”

Natasha raises her glass and clinks it with his. He wants to apologize for forgetting to toast but her eyes are playful and forgiving. “You come with me. I’m not the only one who needs it.”

“So, I win regardless?”

She takes a sip and pulls a funny face. “Easiest battle, don’t ya think?”

They’re off their right minds twenty minutes into drinking and the common area is chaos. Pillows are thrown, the TV somehow ends up with dozens of fingerprints, and they’ve broken a couple flower pots. The cushions of the couch know Natasha’s bare feet and Steve’s boots; the walls fail to constrict their loud singing; Rhodey has already snuck past them to get himself a snack undetected.

‘And so I cry sometimes when I’m lyin’ in bed, just to get it all out what’s in my head!’

‘Hit the high note, Rogers!’

‘When you do, I will!... I scream from the top of my lungs-’

‘What’s goin’ on? And I say, ‘hey!’ ‘hey!’ I say ‘hey!’ What’s goin’ on?’

Steve’s still clear-headed enough to twirl Natasha around. She’s flexible enough to climb onto his shoulders.

‘I pray every single day - for a revolution!’

She’s starting to slur her words and Steve wonders if that blond streak in her hair was there last week.

‘The story of my life! I take her home,

I drive all night to keep her warm and time,

Is frozen!

The story of my life, I give her hope,

I spend her love until she’s broke inside!

The story of my life.’

She can longer feel her toes but seeing Steve let go makes her so incredibly happy and breaks her heart. I needed this too, she thinks.

‘So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie

Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry

And them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye

Singin', "This'll be the day that I die

This'll be the day that I die!”’

She’s all muscle and bone and blood and real. What would Steve do without Natasha?

“You wanna come?”

“Sure. I’ll cut down the trees for wood. Have a real fireplace.” He’s serious, you realize. Like, really truly serious.

Your heart swells with excitement and some other feeling you can’t quite place. But it’s good, like really good. The sigh you release is full of sweet wonder. “A real Christmas tree.”

Steve tightens his grip around your arms. “December’s right around the corner. Trees should be ready and standing tall.”

It’s almost too much to imagine. You have the sudden urge to talk specifics, to plan out this vacation. A beautiful, rustic cabin with only a coffee maker brought from the outside century, knitted quilts, real snow, Steve’s body heat, Christmas lights… inviting Sam, Scott, Wanda, Peter, and Bucky down for Christmas dinner and presents. A whole sleepover filled with ghost stories, candle burning, board games, Christmas movies. You’re up and tucking your knees under yourself to look down at Steve in an instant. “You’d throw on that checkered shirt, grow out your beard even more, and chop down a few trees for me? With me?”

“There’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be,” Steve says, eyes crinkling. For a second, he’s worried you’ll realize that he’s quoted your letter. But that same moment, you’re giggling with excitement over your future plans.

“Well, we lasted a week here without killing each other. The holidays always hold a few surprises.”

Steve picks up another pillow.

Business is not conducted during the church service. It feels normal, with half the guests attending the service and watching the happy couple exchange vows, while the other half only arrives for the party.

Jackeline’s dress is modern with a mix of vintage - simple, with long sleeves of lace and fabric that isn’t entirely white but with hints of beige; the dress dips lower in the back than it does in the front, and it’s tight near the waist but loose as it drapes down her long legs. Her hair is left loose and her make-up is heavy, and she illuminates under the sun rays that burst through stained cathedral glass. You don’t even pay mind to Ernesto and Seda seated in the aisle in front of you - not when Jackeline looks the way she does.

As the service ends, Steve tells you to wait until most of the guests exit. The priest eyes him warily, inspecting his young face and build and obvious persona. He says nothing, but he places a gentle hand over the cross on his chest as he follows the guests out. Steve stands, and out of respect dips his fingers into the holy water provided near the heavy wooden doors. He signs the father, the son, and the holy ghost and dips his fingers in again to sign the same on you. With a silent thank you and tender wipe to your forehead, you don’t question it. He’s not Catholic, or at least you don’t think, but you know he does it for what’s to come. No matter your beliefs, he just wants something, someone, to protect you. You turn back to the cathedral and grip the door as you bend down to one knee and tip your head.

Everything is grander, that’s for sure. The decorations are tripled; the violet lights are reflecting like diamonds off every marble and glass surface; the chandelier’s are no longer gold sculptures but diamond; the clay flowers hanging from the ceiling yesterday are now a part of the centerpieces, squeezed in with the largest bouquet of roses and violets; the live bands (because of course there are two) are each still setting up as everyone is getting seated; and there are about fifty round tables circling the large dance floor. There’s still a nice view of the lake and the pine trees ahead, and the tarp was abandoned as there was no rain in the forecast. All in all, and there were a thousand other things you could focus on but didn’t have the energy to, everything was beautifully put together.

Jackeline wasn’t lying when she said half of Mexico was attending. Besides family, there were celebrities in attendance, famous musicians who were simply guests and not performing, family of some of the other biggest drug lords from both countries (minus Europe), and a couple politicians who dipped before the new couple even walked through the doors after seeing Steve. But Steve worked his magic like he had yesterday and had everyone eating out of the palm of hand in pure amazement. He even had a famous actress hanging off his shoulder in under three minutes. Walking away to go congratulate Jackeline, Steve doesn’t miss the quick, sarcastic flick of your middle finger aimed in his direction.

“You’d tell me if you needed my help, right?” Jackeline asks after a while, bottom lip dripping champagne. She wipes it gingerly, careful not to smudge her pink lipstick.

“I would if there was anything wrong,” you respond truthfully. She pauses to swallow her sip and squints. She follows your gaze to Steve, whose right arm is being tugged by a girl who looks about twelve with five multi-colored bows trailing down her french braid, and who is also trying hard not to blush at the very attractive actress he can’t seem to get rid of.

“You’re going to stop him, aren’t you?”

You glance to your left, but it isn’t really a question. Jackeline knows. “Yeah.”

She nods and tilts her chin up, eyes still on Steve. “Make him watch as you burn it down.” You know she’s referring to Ernesto. She continues, “Every last bit of it.”

Smiling down at your feet, you raise your glass at nothing in particular. Just to salute the night air and whoever is watching. A few seconds pass as you both watch the guests enjoy the music and appetizers. Jackeline shuffles in her heels but she doesn’t seem to want to leave your side just yet. “You run, you understand?”

She’s only momentarily startled by your words. “Okay.”

“I never meant to leave you here, Jackie. I just had to find a way out first.”

“You found a loophole,” she chuckles, but the next moment she’s serious. “There is no way out.”

“Might not be,” you admit, downing your glass in one shot. “But I know this. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

You don’t exchange more than a few words with Steve before he’s called by Ernesto’s men and motioned toward those massive dry lava rock doors; doors that don’t muffle sound but are strong enough to withstand a bullet wound. You watch him leave with them, and he shoots you a smile over his shoulder to simply look at you. Your eyes swell only slightly, burning the corners and blurring everything. He’s bright and brilliant, walking head first into Hell and shining like the bolts of Zeus.

Steve has faced giants before, from all backgrounds and all worlds. He has blocked their punches, taken near mortal injuries; stared them in the face with every ounce of anger and determination his cells could produce. There was always this whispered voice in his head that warned him of the last day he would pick up that shield. In 1945, the voice was loud and raging as he drove that nosediving plane into the Arctic. Over the last few years, however, the voice had quieted and let Steve ponder his fate himself. Steve swears the voice, or rather his own conscience, is getting tired.

He listens intently, responding only when spoken to, and prays his mic is picking up every bit of this conversation. Ernesto commanded the room as he screamed orders in both English and Spanish. His men fell in line; some as determined as the old man, some quiet, some bothered. Didn’t matter what the orders were. Steve noticed the few who would glance at one another and speak their distaste with their wandering eyes. And when Ernesto would speak directly to Steve, the same men would pinch their lips into a thin line and glare.

The shipment had arrived mid-conversation and as men were sent out to do their jobs, Ernesto kept Steve behind. I need you to stay with me until the shipment is secure and can be moved - you’re my bodyguard, Ernesto had told him, confident and only slightly bending his back in discomfort from the weight of the day. Steve agrees, and hears Bucky mention how they have eyes on the shipment from the sky.

Steve stays by Ernesto’s side even when Ramirez is called in. He’s prepared for a bloodbath, for two big men to cement their graves in this tiny office, but it doesn’t happen. Or at least, it doesn’t happen yet. Ernesto regards Ramirez as an old friend and finally trusts him enough to tell him what the shipment contained. Steve isn’t surprised, however, when Ernesto takes nasty satisfaction at Ramirez’s horrified expression. Because even though Ramirez had already known, the confirmation adds a multitude of terror. Steve can feel his palms sweating.

As expected, Ernesto tells Ramirez that he plans to use his lands for his gain. The safe thing to do would have been to agree, to nod along, and to live in the knowledge that the shipment most likely wouldn’t head out. But Ramirez, for some reason Steve can’t fathom, stands up and says no.

Steve understands now; the odd shaking of your shoulders even when your face was completely blank and emotions calm. He watches the beads of sweat drip from Ernesto’s forehead onto the tip of his nose; he watches the way his chest heaves as his voice becomes louder; he watches until he can’t take anymore and he enlarges the shield with Scott’s tech and tells Ernesto to move away from the other man. Steve understands now - the man really is scary, even if he wants to admit it or not.

“You really are a phenomenal actor.”

Swaying slowly, you try not to step on Seda’s feet as he guides you across the dance floor. The music is calmer than it was five minutes ago, the guests are enjoying dinner and conversing, and Steve had told you fifteen minutes ago that he would be right back. Ernesto had sent you a malicious wink, but you knew better. Steve’s name was written in blue and Ernesto’s real target had to be you.

“Acting with what? Acting that I enjoy this dance? Acting like I respect you?” Your upper lip twitches into a teasing smile. “Or acting like I don’t know it was you who planted that bomb?”

He matches your smile, looking down at you with a glint in his eyes. His grip around your waist tightens. “Acting like you’re really on our side.”

Lowering your voice just a fraction, you lean in, top of your head level with his chin. “I’m on Ernesto’s side. You almost had me and my Captain blown up.”

His left hand is settled on your shoulder and he uses the opportunity to dig his nails in. All around him, his men are watching. “How did you get away?”

You give a dry laugh. “You think that was my first bomb? It was childsplay.”

Seda scoffs, “You speak of this Avenger business like I don’t know who you are. You’re still that scared little girl who hid in her room when alien’s fell from the sky.”

“I may be. But there’s a difference between you and I. I actually stared them in this face and won.”

“The second time, maybe”

Sticks and stones, but goddamn did those words always hurt. Blame goes a long way but you and your team are used to keeping it close to home. “Why do you want me dead?”

His scowl deepens and the wrinkles by his eyes crinkle over each other as he squints down at you. “The Avengers are not secretly on our side. Tony Stark never was but Ernesto loves to tell people otherwise. Same about your Captain. You’ve been playing us for years.”

“What evidence do you even have? For years, we’ve done nothing but clear the roads for you,” you say, shaking your head in disbelief.

He unwraps his arm from around your waist and sets both hands around your upper arms. He’s pressing down as hard as he can but still loose enough not to draw unwanted attention. He breathes a sharp exhale, and the puff of air hits your cheeks. “I don’t know what happened to my men after you got what you deserved. They were good men and just like that, erased.” He smirks. “I know you had something to do with it.”

A guest with bright red hair laughs loudly to your side as she is twirled around by her partner. It’s not as vibrant as you’re used to, but you still imagine that lopsided smile you hadn’t seen in forever. “Does it matter? You know what they did, so why is my hypothetical revenge chastised?”

“Tell me right now that none of your Avenger friends did your dirty work. Tell me your Captain’s hands are clean.”

“I promise you, my Captain is clean.” Seda doesn’t show any signs of believing you. Still, your mouth twitches into a mocking smirk. “But our once mutual friends Tony and Natalia tell another story.”

“Am I supposed to believe that two people who are dead are responsible for this? Ironic,” he grits his teeth.

You repeat, clear and true. “My Captain is clean.”

He fakes a tiny gag but you know he means his disgust. “You turned over so quickly for him. For the heroes who destroyed the world. Pathetic.”

“You really need to stop underestimating me,” you practically order, voice full of warning and annoyance.

Seda continues, “Following orders from a fascist. Following orders from a country that only does harm.”

He turns you around as the dance instructs, a half-hearted waltz that didn’t have a beginning, middle, or end. You take that second to scan your surroundings and weigh your options. “I agree about the country part. But I don’t follow orders from the country, I follow them from my Captain.”

You’re facing him again and in those hellish eyes you see truth. “No, he’s a symbol of everything we hate. Of everything we need to destroy.”

“Touch Steve and I’ll blind you.”

His feet stop mid-step, as do yours. His eyes widen only a little, but it’s all the ammunition he needs. “I knew it.”

It’s barely a whisper, a tickle from a single strand of hair, but you catch it. No longer keeping it a secret, or rather a secret you didn’t care that you let slip, Seda now knows it was all a lie. All this time you had never referred to Steve as anything other than your Captain.

You feel the blunt head of a .22 press against your abdomen as Seda laughs, “You never could get a mission right.”

Twisting his arm and knocking the gun from his loose grip with your wrist was easy. So was catching the gun mid-air and elbowing him in the ribs. Seda falls to the floor in a state of shock, instinctively gripping his chest. You aim the gun at him and like you’ve seen in the movies, place the tip of your heel just below where his belly button would be. He releases a sharp breath and his eyes are challenging, practically begging you to dig deeper and get on with it.

You can hear the screaming and frantic murmuring from the guests surrounding you and the leveling of guns from Seda’s men. But you’re focused on the man trying so hard not to quiver beneath you, his nasty grin spreading wider.

“You’re alone,” he bites. “Your Steve is helping Ernesto right now, no? You’re alone.”

Your grin forms slowly, and you’re counting down the seconds you have until his men start firing, but you lean your upper body down slightly to make sure he hears you. “That’s never been a problem before. Don’t you remember?” You click back the safety as discreetly as possible. “I was trained by the Black Widow herself.”

You quickly raise the gun to shoot the closest of Seda’s men in between his collarbones, effectively starting the bloodshed. You jump out the way in a flash, rolling across the floor and behind a table. Tipping the table over is easy and it seems like a smart idea at first, until you realize the tables are all glass. The tablecloth had covered that detail, which sucks like hell, because now the bullets are shattering through and you’re forced to kick yourself away and run behind the pillars instead. The heels are kicked off at the same time you’re fishing underneath your dress.

A stray bullet hits the pillar’s side making you squeal. It makes you work faster, though.

Once you find the secure nano-tech ‘button’ (as Scott liked to call it), you strip as quickly as you can and slap the button on your bare shoulder. The nano-tech spirals and threads into itself as intricately as frost spreads on a window, shielding you in both metal and kevlar.

When a storm of bullets hits the pillar and cracks the marble, you’re forced to crouch and hope Seda’s .22 and the myriad of weapons you’re now equipped with are enough. Before your thoughts can creep into a ‘last man standing’ mode, a roar of wind sweeps across the estate and between the cracked pillars, causing your loose hair to slap your face and blind you for only a second. Quickly putting your hair up and pulling the metal batons from the back of your suit, you’re met with the best sight - one that was a little late, in your opinion.

“Kind of you to show up!”

Sam ignores your quip as he flies into three men at once, feet first with his wings extended with the might of a guardian angel. He immediately shields runaway guests who were caught in the middle. He takes the ones on his left, you take the ones on his right.

You let them swing first. They’re fast and pulling their punches and are clearly aiming for the end result of sticking you to the ground. But you’re quicker and deflect the punches. You manage to deliver a solid punch upward to crack the nose of one. As he reaches up as instinct, his ribs are open season.

He falls out cold easily after your batons do their damage and the next man isn’t nearly as fast as the first. He doesn’t move enough to his right to avoid the harsh kick to his sternum. Each ambitious kick to the chest seems to demolish the man’s protective wall he’s trying desperately to keep intact, but once you give your legs a break and switch back to the batons, he doesn’t stand a chance. There are bullets raining across the venue, but Sam is shielding you and deflecting them elsewhere. It allows you the freedom to rip into whoever you think deserves it.

You’ve got two men on your tail and after knocking their weapons from their hands, it seems like a fairer fight. The first doesn’t step back far enough to avoid your roundhouse kick and he falls hard on his ass, gasping for a lick of air. The second is closer, however, and manages to wrap you in a chokehold. Releasing yourself to fall deadweight for only a second, gravity tricks him and you use the momentum to kick up and fly over his shoulders. It’s hard to do without a wall to propel yourself off of. But your abs and thighs are clenched and you don’t quite think you’ll actually end up on this guy’s shoulders but you do. You don’t dwell on that moment of personal pride, though. Tightening your thighs, you use your upper body weight to lean downward and wring his neck. Once he’s down, you sweep your leg around across the floor to trip the other man who was just barely standing back up. With the .22, you fire point blank.

Detaching yourself from the gore has never been much of a challenge. Eyes rolling back and clouding, limbs dangling limp after having just been full of life, bodies thumping against the floor after eating your bullets - you don’t so much as grit your teeth anymore.

Sam is dealing with his own mess closer to where that poor cake is now destroyed, vanilla filling exposed and now two stories instead of four. The other cakes are no better. Sam pulls the trigger once more at someone charging at him and he averts his eyes. Sam, however, clenches his jaw.

“Where’s Seda?” you shout, firing at men who are jumping out from behind tables but giving away their location before they even surprise you.

“Lost him. I think he’s heading over to Steve!”

You look over the room and pray everyone got out safely. There are no civilians lying in their own puddle of blood, no guests begging for help, but you can never know for sure. “We need more hands. Where the hell are Scott and Bucky?”

A storm of bullets starts crashing into the tables and pillars beside you. Trying to duck doesn’t work and you’re grazed in the left arm. Sam tackles you behind the stage, wings extending further and out bending around you.

“I’ve been shot!”

Sam can’t help the laugh that erupts from his throat because of your dramatic tone. “You’ve been grazed. The nano-tech has already rebuilt itself.”

“I don’t care, I hate being shot. It’s not nice. I’ve been hit.”

“Dramatic.”

“Y/N?” a harsh whisper sounds from under the stage tables. Watching your eyes bulge paints a mournful expression on Jackeline’s face. Julian is right beside her, pistol out but not shooting. You wonder if he knows you’re the invader.

“What in the hell are you still doing in here? I told you to run!”

“I’m sorry,” Jackeline squeals as bullets continue firing. “Everyone crowded. I was scared so I just got down.”

“Sam.”

Sam nods, already reading your mind. You had to find Steve; you couldn’t stay here. But there’s bullets still blazing in your direction and you find yourself hopping on your ass slightly each time a bullet connects to the ground beside you. The nano-tech does great in deflecting the lead but it really isn’t an invitation to get shot more times. The graze on your arm is already starting to burn.

“Sam is going to guide you both out of here, alright? Julian, cover her. Sam will cover you.”

There’s a war going on behind Julian’s eyes. His face does a thousand things at once as he hears your orders and the scream of guns combined, but he nods. He grips Jackeline’s waist and pulls her in close, but before they can begin crawling Jackeline turns back to you.

“Mátalo. Okay? Para nosotras dos.” She’s got this fierce determination in her eyes and her accent is as thick as can be.

“Okay.”

Sam relays his location over his mic and who he has behind his wings, but before he can safely guide the married couple down the stage, a new wave of men enter and open fire. Sam’s wings can only take so much, and even though they’re vibranium, his suit is not. Ducking behind the table and reloading your gun, you then lift your head over to view the scene. It’s a mess and you could surely take them down hand-to-hand if you were close enough, but you’re stranded with your batons and seven bullets and a world of automatic machinery pointed at you.

The storm of bullets pauses and every single person looks up to the sky. You thank the Gods for no rain today because the absence of a tarp allows for the quinjet to settle over the chaos and create a much needed distraction. Sam takes his leave, wings still wrapped around your sister, and you do the same. Running from behind the stage with batons lit up and tazed, you knock out the closest men. They fall in a strangle of electricity, vibrating and convulsing as each shock travels through their veins, ultimately paralyzing them for however long it turns out to be. This gains the attention of almost everyone else but before they can train their weapons back toward you, the back of the quinjet opens. There were a few tables still standing and it seemed the super soldier liked them better than the flat floor.

The glass shatters from the impact of Bucky’s weight, glasses of champagne and plates with unfinished meals folding onto the shards. He’s dressed in his tactical gear and a dark navy blue jacket without a trusty sleeve. Even if the arm was covered and his hair was long rather than the short length it was now, the men would certainly know who just fell from the sky. Almost immediately, the men scatter. Bucky takes them down one by one, shot after shot, and decides to use his knives for the ones who don’t run. It’s tricky, but he manages to lodge his knives in the base of the spines of those who later changed their minds.

He catches your eye after you manage to snap the neck of one of the runners. He tilts his head toward the left and watches you run to give Steve the backup he needs.

The mansion seems longer, wider, just generally bigger as you rush through the rooms and halls to get to Steve. The stuffed exotic animals follow your gaze and you can’t ignore them for long. There are men following you and men leaving Ernesto. You duck behind the standing polar bear and wait until the footsteps sound farther. Checking the amount of bullets in your gun, just in case, you finally flick the safety off and run.

There’s really only one thing of importance floating around the padded confines of your skull - get Steve out. Another thing you two had in common: both sacrificial idiots. But there wasn’t any way that you would give up the chance to save his life, as he would yours. Didn’t matter if the man you were protecting him from was your father or not. It hadn’t really settled, hadn’t truly digested, and you didn’t think it ever would. Because for years, this man was your father. He was the only man with that title. He wasn’t fatherly, far from it, but he had the label and that’s what you were going to focus on. It made no difference.

You push the office door open and start stuttering over your words. You want to ask what happened, why there’s so much blood, whose blood it is, but all that comes is a fractured series of what the hell’s? The last syllables push through with necessary force, hardly intelligible, but exhaled at last.

Ernesto is kneeling with his head hanging low and his hands behind his back, defeated. But it isn’t Steve who’s holding a gun to the back of his head - it’s Seda.

No, Steve is in the corner clutching at his right hip and gritting his teeth, a wild look on his face that tells you he too was blindsided. He’s hurt. He’s gasping and wincing at the slightest of movements and it ignites the flame you’ll use to burn this world to the ground. It’s splitting your fucking ribs apart.

“Don’t move!” Seda yells, gun still locked on Ernesto’s head but eyes on you. “Put the gun down.”

“Seda-”

“Put the fucking gun down!”

Biting your tongue, you flip the gun in your hand so it’s facing downward and move to gently place it on the table. Flicking your eyes to where Steve is, you get your answer as to why he’s been so easily shot. His massive body and shield are draped over Ramirez, who is also disarmed and pissed.

The self-righteous idiot, you think, he’s always gotta save the little guy.

“We’re gonna talk about this like the gods we are, yeah?”

Your face pulls awkwardly, “Seda, what is happening?”

“Don’t act like you’ve been on this asshole’s side the entire time now,” Seda bites, shoving the head of the gun harshly into the base of Ernesto’s neck. “Go on, tell him.”

“The shipment was intercepted,” you tell him. But you’re not just telling Seda, no, it’s the first Steve is hearing the good news and it allows him to feel a bit of relief. “You’ve both lost.”

“What have you done?” Ernesto screams, cheeks vibrating and face red with anger. He pays no mind to the gun and dares to glare at you. “Tell me!”

The top of your lip greets a run of tears and snot and it isn’t until then that you realize your hands are shaking mid-air and your throat is closing. “My mission.”

Blood or not, this man had the power to tie your thoughts into knots. He only had this power at precious moments and sadly, this was turning out to be one of them.

Seda bites out a laugh - it’s wet and bloody and scares you half to Hell. “I’m not the only one here who wants to kill you. But I’m going to beat her to it. She brought you back, I can’t have that.”

“No!” You curse inwardly at your involuntary hiccup. “We’re not here to kill you!”

“Oh?” Seda raises the gun at you. “What’s the endgame? Que mas necesitas?”

“I don’t need anything. The shipment is intercepted. The estate is on lockdown. Your routes are down. You’re cornered. It’s over.” You let your shoulders drag just a little. “For both of you.”

Surprisingly, Seda doesn’t pull the trigger when Ernesto charges toward you. He doesn’t pull it when Ernesto wraps his hands around your throat, either.

It’s instinct for you to hold out your hand to stop Steve from doing what he does best. He’s already halfway up and wincing with each push to help you, to rip Ernesto from your capable body, but Seda clicks the gun in his direction. Steve watches the way your arm extends, all five fingers spread in a hopeless plea of ‘don’t you sacrifice yourself for me, don’t you dare’.

“I have done nothing but help you! I put food on the table and clothes on your worthless back! You spent my money!” Ernesto’s eyes are practically bulging and his thumbs are almost crushing your windpipe, but his placement is off. You can still breathe air, no matter how bruising his grip may be. “This is how you treat me? I should have killed you all those years ago. I should have ripped you limb by limb until your cries bled!”

“Please,” you whimper out, hand still extended toward Steve and the other attempting to push Ernesto by the chest.

“Please? Please? Te voy a matar aquí, ahora, porque siempre te lo mereciste!”

You let out a strangled scream and are about to fight back. To save yourself and to end Steve’s suffering of watching you suffer, of watching his newfound hope dwindle right before him, when a gunshot erupts. Everyone screams, ears ringing, and there’s blood splattered all over your cheeks and neck, spots and leaks that trail down into the collar of your bodysuit. A heavy weight lands on you and knocks you back into the shelves. You hold Ernesto’s now limp body as best you can, knees locking painfully. There’s a massive hole where the top of his head should be and for the first time in years, you have to look away to keep from throwing up.

“Dejalo.”

You open and close your mouth but regret it when the taste of copper lands on your tongue. You follow Seda’s order and drop Ernesto to your feet, the thud sending a shiver up every single one of your vertebrae.

“Por qué hiciste eso?” you ask him, voice small. You choke on another hiccup.

“Don’t lie to me and say you weren’t going to do it yourself.”

You look over at Steve. His eyes are just as wide as yours and the same red specks, now turning brown, are tainting the flush pink skin of his beautiful neck.

“No,” you whisper. Steve hears your lost accent returning and it clutches at his heart.

“It was for the best.” Seda marches over to grab Ramirez by the tie, ripping him up from the ground and pointing the gun to his head. Steve lunges forward and Seda fires another bullet into the same hip.

“No!” Your throat is raw, scratched, and Steve hits the floor in another heap of muffled groans. Seda returns the aim on Ramirez.

“Imagine my surprise when I saw this one confronting Ernesto with your Captain. Imagine my fucking surprise when I tried to find all our passports, all our files, and nothing was here! Imagine my surprise when I saw that fucking idiot White being taken away by one of your agents!”

“Seda, please.” You were never much of a negotiator. It was always go in and let the others do the talking. Steve was the talker, he was the negotiator, but he was out of his element. He was always the enemy to Seda. He could never convince him otherwise.

“You’ve given me new purpose,” Seda grins and Ramirez is rather calm in his arms, like he accepts this. “Look at the crime scene. I’m using the gun Ramirez got from your team. My men are still loyal.”

He pauses and smiles with all teeth, blood in between most of them. “You shot Ernesto. You shot your Captain. You shot Omar.”

The frightened look on your face seems to fuel him even more. He continues, “We’ll never stop hunting you.”

“Try it,” Steve manages, standing up again and vaguely registering the flash of light to his right. His shield is no longer there. “You’ll have to kill me to win. You’ll have to kill all of us to win. Me, Y/N, Omar, Sam.” He breathes in deep but smiles. “The Winter Soldier.”

You swear Seda’s face pales but his grip around Ramirez’s waist only tightens. “Easy.”

“It won’t be,” you finally say, voice no longer wavering. There’s no plausible way Seda could win. But one thing is fact: whether they’re Seda’s or Ernesto’s men, they’ll never stop hunting you now. “You lost, Seda.”

All stills but there are shouts and the ring of gunshots still echoing near the lake.

“No,” Seda looks to you and to Ernesto’s body. “I didn’t.”

He aims the gun at you and fires.

Steve’s wail is grease to the fire in your soul and you accept whatever pain might hit. There’s space and then there isn’t. There’s emptiness and then there’s a space being filled by that horrid but lifesaving shield. There’s no one and then there’s Scott, blown up to his regular size with shield in hand and in front of you. The bullet bounces off the shield easily and hits the wall. You’re pushed into motion and in about two seconds, you’ve grabbed your gun again and do not hesitate to fire. The bullet hits Seda in his exposed chest and Ramirez fumbles to get the gun from him. Seda hits the floor and no one else follows.

The shot hits its target perfectly. Seda doesn’t so much as stutter.

“God,” Scott grumbles, eyes trying to focus on anything other than the pools of blood. “Was I late?”

You don’t pay any mind to Scott and rush over to Steve, where he’s barely holding himself up with his hip tilted on the edge of the desk. “Steve? Steve. Did he hit anything important?”

“Besides the fuckin’ meat of my stomach?”

There isn’t a way to see beneath the kevlar, but your fingers have a mind of their own as they try to dig in. “You know what I mean.”

Steve huffs a laugh and gently slaps your fingers away. “No, but motherfuck me Christ, I get shot way too much and it hurts no less.”

“Was the shield not enough? You had to sacrifice your one-hundred year old hips? Are you hit anywhere else?”

“I was caught off guard. What about you? I heard over the mics that you were shot and-”

“Are you two done?” Scott interrupts, clearing his throat awkwardly but half a mind still paying attention to his own mic.

It’s like you’re snapped back to reality. There’s not only Steve but others, alive and dead, and the smell of copper is all too familiar. “Sorry, I’m still in shock. I don’t really know how to proceed from here.”

“Y/N-” Scott tries, but you resume.

“We were supposed to arrest them. Just arrest them.”

“Okay, I think we should get you outta here,” Steve acts like he’s the one guiding you, but his weight is falling. You faintly register a phone ringing in the room but Steve, ever so persistent, is still acting like he is holding you up. He lunges forward with a sharp wince, and your hand immediately goes to his hip.

“Captain.”

Ramirez lowers his phone, call ended, and he wears an expression Steve recognizes immediately. It’s an expression that looks all too similar to Dugan’s when he relayed the news of enemy forces breaching their base. “...How many?”

“They’ve already sent the news to their men in Mexico.”

“Have they shut down the border?”

“It wouldn’t make a difference.”

“They don’t know two of their men are dead, so we can-“

Scott shakes his head, shield still in hand with specks of blood drying on the blue stripe. “They know White was arrested. That’s all they need. They’ll assume the rest, the worst.”

You sigh, “Seda was right.”

Scott literally pouts and he looks like he wants to wrap you in his arms. “No, don’t send yourself there.”

Steve, however, agrees with you. “If they know about White, then they know about Omar. Seda had time to tell his men.”

“Then we make sure he’s arrested and taken to a secure facility. We can keep an eye-” Scott starts, but you shut him down quickly.

“He’s wanted by the US government, not the Avengers. We can only transport him. We can’t guarantee his safety.”

Ramirez gives a small smile. “Mija, voy estar bien. No te preocupes.”

“I don’t know.”

Scott looks between the three of you. He places the shield against the wall near the door. He raises his eyebrows at Steve and looks to his wounds, but Steve waves him off. Reluctantly, Scott nods. “I’m gonna go check on Sam.”

There’s a pool of blood near your boots. You don’t want to know if it’s from the dead or from Steve.

“Doll, what are you thinking?”

He can’t hurt you anymore. “That I need you to go, too.”

Steve forgets about the pain in his hip and focuses solely on you. “What?”

“Go. If there’s one more thing you can do for me and my reckless family, go check on Sam.”

“You know I can’t leave you here alone with him.”

Your voice is steady and calm and it’s scaring Steve. It’s scaring him. “I promised myself that you wouldn’t be hurt by this mission. I stand by it.”

“I promise, Captain, I have no resentment. Whatever she does, I will follow,” Ramirez speaks, and Steve doesn’t even pay him a glance.

“I can’t just go.”

“Steve,” you interlock your fingers behind his neck. “Please. Listen to me.” He looks so confused, a million questions flying through his mind and almost escaping those sweet pink lips. Fierce, you whisper for only him. “He can’t hurt me anymore. He can’t hurt me anymore.”

He relishes the feeling of your soft hands behind his neck. They’re bloody, but yours. His neck is bloody, but you don’t seem to care. “Two minutes.”

“Two minutes,” you confirm.

He pulls from your hold and turns to leave. He picks up the shield. Before he leaves, he grips the doorway and looks over his shoulder, eyebrows pinched and jaw tense. “Two minutes, I swear to Almighty Christ, Y/N. I’m coming back for you.”

You smirk, the dim light from the office lamps creating nothing short of a sparkle in your eyes. “I don’t expect anything less, Rogers.”

Steve hesitates for a moment and then he walks away. Once his footsteps are no longer heard, you turn back to Ramirez. There’s a voice in your head telling you this was a bad idea and that you were an idiot to have your back turned on him for so long, but Ramirez is simply leaning on one of the chairs and grimacing at the bloody scene before him.

“Remember when Ernesto bought you that car when you were thirteen? And then another when your brother crashed it?”

Your nose pinches, “I don’t feel like reminiscing when he’s lying right there.”

“Do you remember what you told me when he bought you that second car? The sports one?”

You sigh. Ramirez was clearly going to continue speaking. “‘No lo quiero. Soy una niña. Get rid of it.’”

“And I did.”

“You did.”

He smiles, and for the first time you notice all the gray hair dusting his head, the most by his temples. There's a limp in his step too but you can’t remember if he had before or after the wedding. “I’ll get rid of this.”

“What?” you blink, unsure if you heard him right.

“I’m already a traitor. If I spin this, you can continue the mission. You can arrest even more of his men. They’ll come after me instead of you.”

It’s what he’s been trained to do. It’s what he’s done since he transported his first shipment. It’s what he’s done time and time again for Ernesto, for Seda, for some of his own careless men. He’s numb to it, just as you were a few days ago, but now you can’t stop thinking about the aftermath. Where would he put their bodies? Would they be buried here or back in Mexico? Would people really care if Ernesto was dead? They didn’t seem to care when he was snapped out of existence. But Ramirez has this sag in his shoulders that tells you he’s already calculating the best way to wrap the bodies and how deep he plans on sending them… or burning them. Burning them was always easier.

“They’ll come after your family. Your daughters.”

He shakes his head, “I’ve ensured their safety. They’re safe.”

Against your better judgement, you tap your mic discreetly and turn it off. “I can’t let you take one for the team.”

He chuckles, “I’m a part of your team? I’m an Avenger?”

You can’t help but laugh with him. It’s not a light moment, but it’s a moment nonetheless. “Sure, Omar. But we don’t trade lives.”

“I had this coming.”

“No, you didn’t. You don’t.” Straining your ears and shutting your eyes, you mumble a quick prayer in hope that this plan of yours worked. You pass Ramirez your own gun and speak low. “Go.”

He’s shocked and he stutters. “Que haces? Que esta pasando?”

“There’s no one on the east side right now. All the guests were moved to the front. It’s clear. But not for long.” Pushing him to the door, you make sure he’s not leaving any bloody footprints behind. He’s clear. “Go.”

“This will kill us both.”

“But it will give us a head start.”

“No puedo hacer eso! No quiero hacer eso.”

“Omar, they’re not going to protect you once you’re charged. I can’t protect you then. So I need you to go.” You reach into your suit and pluck that random Roman coin you had stolen just a few days earlier. It was a token of good luck but you didn’t need it anymore. You avoid looking at the carving for fear that the likeness to Steve will make you change your mind. You place it in Ramirez’s hand and clench his fist shut. “If there’s one thing you can do for my stupid, anti-hero mentality, go.”

“Que hago con esto?”

“No me llamas. But let me find this.”

He looks at you with pity. It’s so much pity and understanding for your situation that you have to look away. “I owe you my life.”

Eyesight now on the wall over his shoulder, you offer him a thin smile. “You wouldn’t be the first.”

He stumbles at first, unsure if this is really happening, and finally passes by. “Y/N.”

You figure it’d be pretty rude not to answer. You turn slowly. He continues, face somber and head shaking with so much pity. “The amount of Hell that’s coming...”

It’s funny, really. You shoot him that famous smile you were known for. It tricks him like it’s supposed to. “I’m already going to Hell for the lives I’ve taken and the crimes I’ve committed. But the journey to my fate has been worth it.”

The estate is being swept as quickly as possible. There are agents dressing wounds, reading rights, snapping photos, on the phone, etc. It’s organized chaos and there’s so much happening but it’s never impossible to catch Steve’s side profile in a crowd. His nose is pinched up and he’s dealing with his wounds himself. No one is even looking at him.

Speed walking to him, you hook your arm in his and turn him around. He’s too tall, and your toes strain as you rise on them, but you wrap your arms around his neck anyway. He returns the gesture and squeezes you as hard as you’re squeezing him. After a few seconds, he whispers quietly.

“Where’d Ramirez go?”

If he saw your eyes, he would know you were lying. You keep your arms in place. “He got away.”

He tries to push you away but fails. “Y/N.”

“He got away,” you repeat. Slowly, regretfully, you pull back. “We should go.”

There’s a horrible crease in between his eyebrows and he knows he’s caught you in a lie, but he also knows that if there was one thing he knew most about you, it was that you were just as stubborn as he was. Quick with wit, always asking to be punched, and stubborn to the point it made strangers worry. So he doesn’t question it, and turns with you in the direction of the jet. “Maribel has the safehouse set up. Montana.”

“You sure you can make it to the jet? Should I get Bucky to come with us?”

The quinjet is empty except for a few supplies, a medical bag, and Friday. There are only two seats and by the way Steve’s bending over to show his true pain, you’d be flying it. Once you land, you can fish out those bullets.

“No one else.” Steve bites. He can’t risk anyone else - hell, he doesn’t even want to risk you. “I’ll protect you.”

You board the jet and watch as the trees sway in rhythm to the movements of everyone doing their job. It’s dark, and you push the fact that you’re so horribly night blind to the back of your skull, and it’s starting to eat away at you that the mission didn’t really go as planned. No one seems to notice yet that you never brought them the two main players they were hoping for. It only makes you close the quinjet faster. You sit Steve down in one of the seats and kneel before him. “And I you.”

If anyone asked, Steve would lie and say he was tearing up because of the bullets piercing his skin in half. To protect and be protected.

“Let’s go.”

TAGLIST: @dumb-ass-writer @justab-eautifulmess @supraveng @mycosmicparadise @missnighttigress

#steve rogers x reader #reader x steve rogers #avengers x reader #reader x avengers #Steve Rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #to topple #a giant #by Moni #captainsimagines #mob fanfic #trigger warnings listed #enemies to lovers #friends to enemies to lovers #mini-series #part eight #chapter eight #marvel fanfiction #marvel masterlist

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old-childhood-drama · 3 years

Text

Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

#Taylor Swift #fearless #fearless (taylor's version)#forever & always #mr perfectly fine #you all over me #last kiss #toe #jaylor #joe jonas #jonas brothers #folklore #invisible string #paranoid #much better #lines #vines and trying times #better than revenge

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brandybradyrandyandyndy · 3 years

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Mark Forster's role in the Ace Attorney franchise

Okay, first off:

I'm not a fan of Mark Forster's music, please don't take this post the wrong way

There might be some aa trilogy spoilers

Also, I admit this title is pretty bold for what I'm going to say on this topic, but I watch The Voice of Germany with my sister every week and one of the coaches is Mark Forster who I only know like five songs of in total, but his song "Au Revoir" (which is actually a terrible song btw. It's so catchy, I've had it stuck in my head since I woke up this morning and it ruined my day.) kind of reminded me of the whole "Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth chooses death." thing, because the only thing I knew about this song was the refrain:

which would be roughly translated to:

"There is nothing that's holding me back, au revoir / Forget who I was / Forget my name / It will never be the way it was before / I'm off / Au revoir"

But as I looked further into the lyrics I found out there is a "rap part" which tells you about the places the lyrical I will go to when they're away and it contains a passage that adds a beautiful twist to my theory/headcanon (I'm not sure what to call this yet).

"I'm sitting on the Mayan throne in the jungle / [...] / The phoenix is taking off now"

You see where I'm going with this? I know, it's not Phoenix who's leaving and I know the lyrics refer to the Maya Civilization from Mesoamerica, but I thought it was a funny coincidence, that not only does the word "Phoenix" appear in the lyrics of this song, but so does "Maya".

So when I first saw this part of "Au Revoir", I started imagining how Miles Edgeworth would listen to this song and like dramatically sing along to it and start crying or something, but this only posed another question:

How could this scenario happen? How and why would he even come in contact with this song?

My first guess was, Miles probably went to Germany after he left his note, because he grew up there (I think), when he had been adopted by Manfred von Karma as a child, and he heard the song somewhere in the radio because in Germany they blast Mark Forster's music in almost every public space, so there is no escape from it ever. I tried to find out, during which timespan Miles left America, just to make sure if there was a chance that he actually could have heard it on the radio.

In the Ace Attorney wiki this timespan isn't clearly mentioned, but since the last case (Rise from the Ashes) from the first game is set in February 2017 and Edgeworth returns to America in March 2018 I'm guessing, this is exactly the time window in which he's in Germany* (minus some days/weeks of course, because I don't think he'd just leave on the exact same day he had his last trial in America). *to make this easier for me I'm just assuming he spends the entirety of his travels in Germany

But this brings me to my problem, the German Charts of 2017/2018.

As you can see, the only songs by Mark Forster that were in the charts while Miles would be in Germany are the ones above. This means that it is highly unlikely that he knew of "Au Revoir" from the radio, because why would they play this old song if they could also play Mark Forster's more recent songs that are popular right now?

But when exactly was "Au Revoir" popular enough to be in the German Charts?

During my research I looked up these years, too, and it came down to 2014 (the year "Au Revoir" was released) and even a year later in 2015. So there is no way he could have known of this song if his most recent stay in Germany was in 2017, right? (I mean, unless the German people he met then, had literally no taste and forced him to listen to it.)

But I have a pretty simple and logical explanation on how he could have still known of this song, even though he probably wouldn't have heard it in Germany in 2017.

I tried really hard, but I couldn't for my life find real data on Mark Forster's demographic, so just believe me if I tell you that his demographic is mostly preteen and teenage girls. Also, it's worth mentioning that Mark Forster's music is pretty much only known in German speaking countries like Germany, Switzerland and Austria. Now, let's take a closer look at the years, in which Au Revoir was most popular: 2014 and 2015

Who could Miles Edgeworth possibly know, who in 2014/2015 is 1. German, 2. a teenager and 3. a girl? The answer is quite obvious:

His younger sister Franziska von Karma.

Considering that she was either 14 or 15 when "Au Revoir" was released, she fits Mark Forster's demographic perfectly and although I'm not 100% sure if she was in Germany then, I still believe, she must have had at least some connection to Germany in some way, maybe a German friend who she still was in contact with or maybe she had access to German tv, maybe German YouTube channels or social media. And don't get me wrong, I love Franziska von Karma and I wouldn't wish anything bad on her, but at the same time I strongly believe that she'd be the kind of girl who'd have gone through a Mark Forster phase as a teen.

Now remember that I, myself, have a sister. I know what siblings do to annoy each other and I just know from the bottom of my heart that if Franziska really was a fan of Mark Forster's music, she would blast it on any opportunity she'd get. Or she would at least talk about him and his songs with her brother. Believe me. If Franziska really listened to Mark Forster, Miles would have known of him, too. There is literally no other way. (For reference, I know every 1D member's name, birthday and relationship status, although I literally do not care about any of them at all, only because my sister is obsessed with them and talks about them 24/7. Meanwhile the only MCR member I know, is Gerard Way, even though I listen to their music on the daily.)

So here is my conclusion.

Miles Edgeworth definitely listened to "Au Revoir" by Mark Forster on the plane from Japanifornia to Germany and he also definitely cried, after he made sure nobody could see him (especially during the part "Der Phönix macht jetz 'n Abflug"/"The phoenix is taking off now"). Also, he probably listened to the song multiple times during his stay in Germany and you literally can't prove me wrong on this. I mean you could try, but I invested way too much of my time in this to actually care about another person's opinion on my shitty headcanon.

Also, the moment Franziska met Phoenix and Maya, her memories vaulted her right back to her Mark Forster phase and her hatred against Phoenix wasn't solely based on the fact that he was accountable for the conviction of her father Manfred von Karma, her hatred was also ignited by the fact that she probably had "Au Revoir" stuck in her head because of these two for the rest of the day and I just know that this must have completely ruined it for her.

Also, unrelated to anything I've said prior:

Klavier Gavin would definitely collaborate with Mark Forster on at least one song and however severe Franziska's Mark Forster phase might have been, I am convinced Klavier would have outdone her by far. I haven't played AJAA yet, but as much as I've gathered from the fandom, he's like a weeaboo but with Germany, I think? I'm absolutely sure, he wouldn't ever miss a chance like this.

Finally, here is the song this whole post is about:

#ace attorney #aa #miles edgeworth #franziska von karma #manfred von karma #narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #maya fey #german #german culture #mark forster #klavier gavin

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feralnumberfive · 3 years

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The Rewatch Academy: Episode 6 of Season 1

“The Day That Wasn’t”

I am in no way a good analyst so my little analysis and speculations probably sound a bit goofy or pretty wild and probably mean nothing at all. Everything I put into this post about each episode is purely what I noticed or thought, whether it’s funny or serious. I will be making jokes, so please just leave it at that (in no way am I trying to make fun of an actor and or character!) I am also in no way saying I noticed this stuff first. This is just what I noticed while rewatching these episodes

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

| 1x01 | 1x02 | 1x03 | 1x04 | 1x05 |

☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂ ☂

☂ Klaus is lucky that he never got the briefcase shot up

☂ *Hears Klaus flush the toilet and talk* Luther: Oh good, you’re up

☂ Also Luther gave Klaus about two seconds to get up before hounding him again on getting downstairs

☂ Sounds like Tom’s accent slipped a little bit when he said “three days”

☂ Yeah they needed to have a family meeting right away and yet they took the time to go get coffee or at least order it and have it delivered

☂ “Old bastard” and “Our little psycho”

☂ I still don’t get at this point how they wouldn’t believe Five. Look at him, he himself is evidence of his time traveling! He was gone for 45 years, but to them it was only 17. Either way they try to grasp at that, Five would look older if he made it back without messing up. He knew about their father’s death without anyone telling him. I really think all the mistrust comes from the way he looks and the way he acts (they obviously believe he’s just crazy right now)

☂ “What did Five even see?”

☂ Also throw back to 1x02 and I didn’t realized this until now but Five doesn’t have his tie

☂ I know it’s for the title card gag but no one questions the random umbrella falling and popping open

☂ I aspire to be as sarcastic as Hazel

☂ So where exactly is The Commission HQ at? Is it a random location in the real world? If so then wouldn’t normal people happen to stumble upon it? What about their location in space in the comics? Is this in space?? All we know is that it’s in/based off of the year 1955

☂ “I’d like to discuss the logistics of my family’s safety at your earliest convenience.” He cuts right to what’s most important to him. No “How will you stop the apocalypse?” or “What’s my job?” and even “How will my body replacement work?”

☂ Five sounds almost like he’s snapped back into a work mindset. He's suddenly polite and calm with The Handler. Maybe being back in a work environment has made his brain automatically switch into being more professional. However he might also be acting this way to try to throw her off of him being antsy with a plan

☂ Here's some Commission posters shown throughout 1x06

☂ One of us, one of us, one of us-

☂ So basically The Commission makes up history? How do they know what to do and when to make something happen? How do they know it’s right? And what’s The Commission supposed to do when the world ends? Haven't they already fixed stuff in the past or are there just continuous time loops so they need to make sure things happen over and over again? If multiple historical events happen with multiple ways they are made, then which one gets to be in the original timeline??

☂ Dot: No hard feelings! 😁

Ma’am does it look like he’s going to accept that

☂ Wait why are Hazel and Cha-Cha considered the best Temporal Assassins if Five was/is the best?

☂ Well Five has the job of taking down the Hindenburg again but this time from behind a desk. So it’s possible to accomplish “corrections” without actually having assassins do the work. So I guess there’s just so many timelines that they need to fix every single one of them over and over? That sounds like a pain in the ass

☂ TUA portraits!

☂ Y’know I have to agree with Allison on this one. Vanya was left out, however she’s offering to talk with her about the important family matter and Vanya is just denying it. I get she’s upset, but her sister is offering to include her. After Vanya leaves Allison immediately wants to go after her to talk with her. On the other hand Allison should have told her it was an emergency meeting and that they didn’t have the time to ask Vanya to join them

☂ Klaus seems genuinely concerned/upset for Vanya

☂ “We need to figure out what causes the apocalypse. Now, there are loads of possibilities. Nuclear war, asteroids.” Wow spot on, Luther! I can’t believe they actually included foreshadowing for both apocalypses (even though technically it was a chunk of the moon, not an asteroid.) I wonder how much foreshadowing for S3 was put into S2.......

☂ I know it’s big joke about Luther and the moon, but the poor guy just really believes that he was on the moon for an important reason. I mean if I were in his shoes I would believe him too since he had to send a lot of daily updates and samples

☂ “Klaus shockingly has a point. What gives us a win this time?” Shhhh careful Diego, he’s right behind you

☂ Luther is initially the only one onboard with Five on trying to stop the apocalypse. All the others want to go off and do their own thing before the world ends. He tries to get The Umbrella Academy back together to work as a team, but his leadership skills are now severely lacking. Do people *cough cough* mainly people who hate him *cough cough* overlook Luther wanting to also get his family together to stop the apocalypse with his family? Definitely.

☂ “We need the full force of the Academy to stand a chance.” Well golly gee, Allison, what did did Luther just try to do? Was that not him trying to round up all of The Umbrella Academy to stop the apocalypse?

☂ Even though Vanya is ranting, how does she not hear all the creaking metal and shaking cars?

☂ *it’s sunny around them but just the block they’re walking on is rainy until she calms down* “ThAt’S a CoInCiDeNcE.”

☂ The hall floor and Diego’s floor are so dusty

☂ It’s sweet that Diego wants Klaus to get clean in a safe way instead of going cold turkey

☂ Dot, what does “utter silence” mean to you?

☂ “Look at you, deadly little thing.” You’re not wrong, but I don’t think he appreciates being called “thing”

☂ Such a smug smile

☂ So how does Five know all of this about Karl and his son? Does it talk about Otto never washing his hands in the file? That seems like an oddly specific detail but I guess in a case file it gives as many details as possible for the worker to figure out who needs to get assassinated

☂ There are a few cog references all relating to The Commission, so I wonder if this is a nod to “Teenagers” or if they’re just using this terminology

☂ Odd tattoos (sorry for the super blurry pic)

☂ “Can I ask you a cuckoo bananas question?” Hazel is such a fun guy

☂ “Wouldn’t it be nice to kill who you want for a change?” You mean like straight up unhinged murder?

☂ The first time I watched this Hazel and Cha-Cha scene I for sure thought that Hazel was a dead man

☂ This scene just absolutely breaks my heart 💔

☂ *skips 25:24-27:42*

☂ Diego is just so accepting to everything Klaus is saying

☂ I’m sorry, are we suddenly on the set of The Phantom of the Opera?

☂ Diego, I think you’re forgetting a very important person in your life who you let down too who is also dead......(poor Ben can’t believe what his brother just said so he leaves)

☂ “Ordinary is not a word I’d use to describe you.” You’re right, it’s “Extra Ordinary” ha! Sorry Vanya, I had to use that joke

☂ Well at least we know Five ate a sandwich

☂ How exciting! The same division that made a simple candy taste like a candy from the past, but technically it’s not the past since The Commission HQ is based in 1955, is building a human body! That sounds so promising

☂ Sooooo whatever happened to Five’s new body? Is it just sitting in a lab somewhere?? Or is The Handler just lying about it to try to get Five to stay at The Commission?

☂ With the amount of time Five was staring at the suit, it obviously hurt him to know that while he has a new body within reach, he’s not going to get it because he’s about to leave

☂ “Course it’s a bit easier to see from 30,000 feet.” What is she talking about Reconnaissance aircraft? There was no mention of aircraft though so why would she bring that up? My closest guess is that she’s referring to strategic bombing in general, or even the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki

☂ It sounds like Five suddenly has a New York accent when he says “operator” when talking to The Handler about Gloria

☂ Fuck you, Veggie Tales Hargreeves

☂ *skips 36:47-39:48*

☂ Well there’s your hit, Klaus

☂ I love the camera moving with Klaus as he falls and the transition into Vietnam

☂ “Lock and load, Charlie’s away!” Wikipedia’s definition of a “Charlie” is an American military slang referring to the Viiet Cong and North Vietnamese soldiers

☂ Klaus desperately calling out for a medic hurts my heart

☂ Well Luther if you had left then your body wouldn’t be the way it is now

☂ *fucking skips 45:41-50:00*

☂ Ooooh I just really love the entirety of the “Kill Of The Night” scene! If you listen to the lyrics it’s about someone luring someone into a trap to get revenge because they messed with the wrong person (it’s also about love but we’re going to ignore that part). I personally believe it’s aimed at The Commission from Five because the entire time it plays he’s messing things up for them and in some way it’s like a little bit of revenge from him

☂ Why is Gloria confused on who Hazel and Cha-Cha are? Hasn’t she heard their names a ton of times especially since they’re some of the best assassins?

☂ How did Five know which tubes to put the messages in?

☂ You can see at this part how Five immediately gets anxious and antsy. He has a wild look in his eyes. From this point onwards he’s constantly moving, shaking with energy, anticipation, and probably a little bit of anger

☂ “You’re a great disappointment to me.” That’s definitely not the first time he’s heard that

☂ “I don’t belong anywhere thanks to you. You made me a killer!” The first part of that stings. Obviously he feels like he doesn’t belong anywhere, but again I think has to do with the whole “good” and “bad” thing that’s going on. He feels like he doesn’t belong at home because he’s “bad” and has done a lot of dark stuff to get home (it doesn’t help that Luther voiced his acknowledgment of this to Five and now he has that in his mind that Luther knows and somewhat views him as “bad”). Five 100% feels shame in what he has done, and definitely has an issue of coming back to his family with blood on his hands form what he has done. He doesn’t belong in The Commission anymore because he doesn’t want to stay there to do their dirty work to kill or give out kill orders. He’s done with that or at least wants to be done with that life.

The last statement though is Five taking his anger and guilt about being becoming an assassin out on The Handler. She brought him into The Commission, which in turn he became the best assassin across The Space-Time Continuum. It’s not something he’s proud of, and he never enjoyed killing (as much as I want it to be the DNA alteration I just don’t think it exists in the show or at least not yet). However The Handler replies with “You were always a killer. I just pointed you in a direction.” which you can immediately tell has struck a chord with Five. For the briefest second he looks taken aback and his eyes ever so slightly open wider in shock, whether he took that as the truth or just a terrible accusation isn’t exactly clear. Either way he doesn’t like being accused or hearing the truth out loud of always being able to be murderous, a killer.

I believe it’s a mixture of The Handler just trying to get into his head and a combination of the truth. Reginald trained The Umbrella Academy to use brute force, but that doesn’t mean Five had killed anyone but he was definitely violent when it came to stopping bad guys (not to mention in the pilot script he was called a “Ruthless little war machine” after violently attacking and decapitating a bunch of mannequins)

☂ Diego: I’m going to go kill Hazel and Cha-Cha!........Riiiiight after I get done walking with my mom in the park

☂ He’s so happy to see Klaus again

☂ ✨Gremlin✨

☂ Who exactly does Five owe a debt to? Maybe his family after accidentally leaving them and now he wants to save them? Or is it a singular person?

☂ Ouch! Now that’s what I call a problem later!

☂

☂ Five using “Ya’ll” is weird to hear

☂ Five is talking to his siblings like he knows what’s been happening but in reality he’s rarely been at home so how would he know

☂ I love that Five doesn't even answer Diego at the end and instead just stares at his siblings

☂☂☂☂☂☂☂

Feel free to comment or reblog with things you have noticed too!

#surprise here's another long over due post!#tra #the rewatch academy #the umbrella academy #umbrella academy

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where-theres-smoak-2 · 3 years

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10 More Little Details from JATP.

I made this post a few days ago about all the little details I had spotted in JATP and I said that there were probably more that I had missed, well I found more that I missed. Again most of these are probably old news to most people but they are new to me and I always get excited about the details, the nitty gritty of a show and I over analyse everything so I figured I would share all my thoughts with you guys. Obviously there are spoilers. I’m going to start off with some smaller details first just some funny little things I spotted then we can take a trip down the rabbit hole and really go crazy with the whole over analysing thing.

1) Starstruck.

Hey you remember this truly iconic and amazing scene where Willie and Alex literally fall for each other?

Well I think considering how much chemistry was going on in that scene I can be forgiven for not noticing this at first but the star on the ground next to them has the name Dave Hoge written on it and I kept thinking the name sounded familiar.

Then I remembered that David Hoge is the name of one of the producers on the show so I think this is in relation to him unless there’s another Dave Hoge that I don’t know about.

2) Post It’s.

Speaking of little details floating around in the background. If you’ve read my other posts I talked about how Luke’s missing person poster was behind him when he was eating the hotdog. Well there’s another interesting poster right next to it. Unfinished business at the orpheum. Also note that the date on the unfinished poster is Dec 1994 and we know that Luke ran away from home in december which coupled with its proximity to his missing persons poster makes me think that his unfinished business has something to do with his parents.

Also later in episode 3 when Alex and Willie are talking on the bench there are so more fun posters behind them.

Ok so if you can pull your eyes away from the beauty of Willex for a moment (I know its hard) you can see that one of the posters says detention and a second that says Small Dark Room and again mentions the orpheum. Obviously this is a throwback to when the boys were detained in a small dark room before being pulled back into the world by Julie. But another thing worth noting is that the Small Dark Room poster has a purple background and you are going to get tired of me saying this but purple is associated with magic, know of any magician’s in the show? I can’t help but wonder if Caleb was actually keeping them detained in that room for some reason waiting until he needed them, the purple could indicate that magic was what trapped them there.

3) Poisoned Hotdogs?

One of the theories I had was that the boys didn’t die from food posioning but that Caleb had actually heard them play whilst they were alive and decided that he wanted the band right there and then, so he posessed Sam the hot dog guy and actually poisoned the boys. Since then I have found some evidence that might back up that theory. If you look again at that detention poster above, undeneath in yellow writing is the word toxic. So the posters if you put them all together actually spell out a sequence of events, Toxic as in the boys are poisoned, detention and small dark room as in they were trapped in the small dark room, unfinished business, they come back and are released from that small dark room because they have unfinished business. Still not convinced? Well how about this in the episode when they find out about Bobby, Luke is wearing a shirt that says poison on the back. Coincidence? Hmm I think not.

4) Tell Me What You’re Longing For.

So in episode 2 when Julie comes home and finds the boys in her room each of them seem to be obsessing over a particular object. On the surface this just seems like a funny scene but when you look a bit deeper the objects that each of the boys choose actually says a lot about each of their characters and where they are at mentally and emotionally in that moment.

Alex for example has fixated on the photo of Julie and her mum and is trying to pick it up. It seems to me that Alex has chosen this particualr object because its what he longs for with his own parents. In the photo its a happy little girl and her mother is kissing her and showing her affection. Also the boys know a little about Julie’s mum at this point and so they know how supportive and loving she was to Julie. We know that after Alex told them he was gay his parents, well Luke says they were never cool again, but we can guess that they didn’t show Alex much love and affection after that. This obviously would have really hurt Alex. Another reason why I don’t think Alex got much affection from his parents is because when Julie was crying after singing Wake Up Alex’s first instinct was to hug her, he also reprimands the boys for not hugging him when he was crying in that room for 25 years, this shows that a hug was something that he wanted. Also he always seems surprised whenever Willie would take his hand like its something he’s not used to. He hesitates before hugging Willie in episode 9 seeming to be conflicted and unsure before he finally gives in and just sinks into Willie, I mean to me it just seemed so desperate like he needed that contact but because he was never really hugged by his parents he is unsure about whether its ok or not. Also the most telling of all is also in episode 9 when he asks if they can try that hug thing again. Basically I don’t think Alex’s parents hugged him enough if at all and so when he sees that photo of a mother showing love to her child he is drawn to it as its something he has always wanted.

If we move onto Luke, he is trying to get his hands on Julie’s dream box. Again this is really in line with his character. We know that Luke is all about following your dreams. Also we find out that Julie stores her song lyrics in that box and we all know how passionate Luke is about writing and music. I do find it kinda funny that Luke zeros in on the one thing in the room that’s connected to Julie’s music. It’s like he’s got a radar that could sense that that was where Julie had hidden her music away. Also in my previous post I mentioned the connection between Caleb and Greek Mythology well this could be another nod at Greek Mythology. It could be a nod to pandora’s box. Today pandora’s box has a lot of negative connotations around it, how many times have you been warned not to do something in case you open pandora’s box? It’s this idea that bad things will be let into the world. However in the myth Pandora shuts the box and locks hope inside of it. The myth tells us that its this hope that helps the humans get through all of the hardships that had come from the box so it does kinda have a happy ending or I should say a hopeful ending. It’s interesting to me that Julie says that the box is just full of things that don’t make her sad. Julie has all of the bad things out in the world with her and has locked hope away in that box. Just like Zeus says to Pandora, Julie tells Luke not to open the box, and just like Pandora, Luke ignores her and does open that box. When he does he releases hope and happiness back into Julie’s life. But its not just Julie that locks her emotions up, Luke does too. He is ignoring his feeling about his parents and his regrets, he trys to ignore his feelings about Julie too, however one emotion he does let out is his anger at Bobby. I think when it comes to Luke you could say that he himself is the box but that he is the opposite of Julie in the sense that he’s keeping all of these negative emotions trapped inside and has locked hope out. Julie is the one who opens that box for him and lets those emotions go when she helps him feel connected to his parents, before he thought he had no hope of ever being able to make things right with them again but Julie shows him that he can. She does it again when all the boys have resigned themselves to their fate because they don’t think there is any hope that they’ll be able to play the orpheum and therefore complete their unfinished business. But then Julie shows up to snap them out of it and remind them that there is still hope and not to give up. She comes up with a plan and gives hope back to them just as they did for her. We know that Luke longs for a connection to people through music and this is exactly what he gets from that box he finds a connection to Julie through their joint pain at losing their mothers, the pain that helps them write the songs for the band and eventually find hope.

Ok so then we come to Reggie. At first glance it doesn’t look like Reggie is doing anything at all, I mean he’s just laying on the bed. But actually this too can be significant to his character. He’s not just laying on the bed he is stroking the bed sheets and looks very relaxed and content, he’s got his eyes closed and he’s just enjoying the comfort he’s feeling. I think this tells us that what Reggie is longing for is home. Reggie seems to enjoy anything to do with the home. We know that Reggie likes to spend his time more in the house with Julie’s family than he does out in the studio. He also made that comment about liking showers and the occasional bath, I don’t know about you guys but when I think about home I think about warm baths and cozy beds and hanging out with my family, those home comforts so to speak. These are all the things that Reggie is drawn to. Also if you think about the country song he wrote its called Home is Where My Horse Is. Again he’s thinking about home. The scene where the boys get emotional about Ray talking to Rose is also significant. I mean when you think about this is a man who is talking about his home and the memories he made there with his family and who is faced with leaving his home when he clearly doesn’t want to leave. Reggie’s reaction to this is to go back to his own home, to go see his parents. When he gets there its to find his home is gone. We know this hurts him because it comes up again later when they find out Bobby has stolen their songs, after Luke says it’s not about the money Reggie points out that if Bobby has shared with their families maybe his home wouldn’t have been turned into a bike shop. Losing his home is hitting Reggie hard and so when they all return to Julie’s room the thing that draws Reggie in is that feeling you get from being in bed at home.

Each object the the boys choose are representing what each of the boy is longing for most. Alex longs for a loving parent, Luke longs for a connection to someone through music and Reggie is longing for home.

5) Gone with the Wind.

This is one that is probably really obvious but in episode 1 when julie goes to the studio as she opens the doors a breeze rushes out. We know from the fact that she apologises for not going there that this is likely the first time she has visited since her mom died. I think this breeze is like her mother’s spirit is rushing out and into the world.

You can see that the breeze is moving from the inside out from the direction Julie’s shirt is rippling. I like to think that once her spirit was released Rose got to work right away putting all those little clues/ dahlias about the place.

6) Sunflowers.

In episode 9 within the first few minutes we get several images of sunflowers.

First when Alex is talking to Willie there’s some flowers outside of a shop, then when they go into the Orpheum’s office place there’s a vase of sunflowers on the desk, when they get back to the studio you can see that there is another vase of sunflowers on the unit behind the boys and then finally Julie is wearing a top with a sunflower on it. Sunflowers represent loyalty and are also another connection to greek mythology. The story of the origin of the sunflower goes that a woman named Clytie fell in love with the sun god Apollo. There are different versions of the myth and in some versions Apollo loves her back but then falls in love with someone else and in others he never loves her back. But in every version the outcome is the same Clytie is turned into a sunflower and she is so in love and loyal to Apollo that she continues to watch him fly across the sky in his chariot every day. This is why sunflowers are associated with adoration and loyalty. But the Myth also tells the story of loving or wanting something that you can’t have. This theme comes up alot in the show. First with Julie and Luke, its that star crossed love, they have feeling for each other but one’s a ghost and the other is a lifer. But I actually think the sunflowers are a hint at what was to come in the episode. Afterall the yellow of the sunflower is symbolic of friendship so I actually think Caleb is the one that wants something he can’t have. He wants the band but ultimately he can’t have the band because of the loyalty and friendship they have with Julie.

7) It’s All About The Accessories.

Another thing I noticed on rewatch is that several of the characters have necklaces that might have some significance. The first I want to talk about is Luke. Luke is nearly always wearing this necklace.

I think the only time he isn’t wearing it is at the end of episode 9 when he is that suit outfit. Now I’m not going to pretend to be an expert on semi-precious stones because I’m not but I do have an interest in them and their symbolism and properties. I’m fairly sure (though not certain) that this is Agate, or more specifically Black Agate. Now if I’m right and this is Agate then it could have some really interesting symbolism. Agate is used as a grounding stone, it’s suppose to help keep you grounded and balanced. It brings stability. We know that something is grounding the boys to this earth, to be clear I’m not saying its the stone but that the stone is symbolic of that connection that is keeping them here and connected to Julie. Agate is also suppose to help with emotional trauma and black agate is often given in times of bereavement to help ease the pain of grief. We know that Luke is grieving about losing his mother and father and seeing them grieve for him, so its really interesting to me that he is wearing a stone that is meant to help ease that pain as that is exactly what happens, through his song Unsaid Emily he is able to bring some comfort to his parents and ease their pain, in doing so he also eases his own pain. Another propeity of agate is that its suppose to protect agaisnt evil curses. Again this connects to Caleb and the curse he puts on the boys and how ultimately that curse is broken, Julie protects the boys with her love. So I think this stone not only represents Luke but also represents Julie and how she protects and brings comfort to the boys and Luke in particular. Another interesting thing about Agate is that it is closely related to the moon. Why is that interesting you might ask well because of this...

Julie is also nearly always wearing the same necklaces, one I think is a saint or virgin mary, the second is her name with a flower, which I think indicates the deep connection she has with her mother and the third has moons. The moon is often associated with magic and like said agate is closely related to the moon, It is another link between Luke and Julie and the ‘magic’ that connects them. I mentioned in that previous post that Julie often wears the colour purple which is also associated with magic but more on that later. Again I think its really interesting that both Julie and Luke wear necklaces that can be connected to the other.

But I don’t think they are the only characters that wear necklaces that might be linked. The next one I want to talk about is Willie.

We often see Willie wearing this key on a chain around his neck. The most obvious symbolism here is that Willie is the key to something. It could be that it symbolised how Willie was the key to bringing the boys to the Hollywood Ghost Club or the fact that he was the key to finding out more about the ghost world in general, I mean Alex and by extension the boys learn alot from Willie. I like to think its also because he is the key to Alex’s heart but that’s probs just my shipper heart influencing me. Another thing it could symbolise is maybe Willie is the key to their unfinished business somehow. I am really curious to know what the key goes to I mean keys unlock things. Like...

you know padlocks. I do think there might be some connection between one character wearing a key and another a padlock which is opened by a key. It could be a hint that Willie and Flynn will have some kind of connection, maybe they will have to work out a mystery together or act as a team to help the band and the only way they can do it is by working together. I also think the fact that Flynn is wearing the padlock is signifcant. Padlocks to me represent safety and security, you put a padlock on something that you want to protect or keep secure. Interestingly the name William means protector or warrior. I do think that Willie and Flynn will have an important role to play in protecting the band. Ok so next lets talk about Alex.

Alex also has a necklace that he wears often. His is a simple gold chain. But again I think it has some symbolism to his character. Chains have been a symbol of everlasting love and life since ancient times, its the circle that never ends. We are all pretty sure that its the bands everlasting love that saves them from Caleb in the end. Also Willie’s love for Alex (and yes I’m saying love) is what leads to Willie trying to save them too. But chains also have a negative connotation, one of opression. As I talked about earlier Alex has been judged for being gay and likely faced alot of opression due to his sexual orientation. Chains are also symbolic of inprisonment which again links into Caleb’s plan to trap the boys at his club. Gold is also associated with purity as it never tarnishes or rusts and well is there a more pure soul than Alex’s? Something else that is interesting is that in many cultures gold was used in burials as it is said to protect the souls in the afterlife which is similar to Luke’s Agate necklace which is also used during times of bereavement. Another thing that is similar between Gold and Agate is that gold is also said to protect against curses and is often related to magic. So lastly we have Reggie.

Gonna be honest this one was a little harder and I spent a little while studying the necklace and doing a little bit of research, the reason why this one was harder is because there seem to be three different materials at play here. There’s the light blue beads, the dark blue beads (which I thought were black at first they’re not) and the metal pendant. But lets start with the light blue beads, to me they look the most like blue calcite. Again not an expert but if it is blue calcite it again has some interesting symbolism to it because blue calcite is often used to enhance psychic powers so that you can commune with the spiritual world. I mean obviously this is symbolic of the fact that Julie is able to see and communicate with our ghostly boys. The dark blue beads I think are lapis lazuli, again if I’m correct then this is another stone that is used during burial because it is thought to protect and guide spirits in the after life. It also like gold and agate is said to protect, it protects you agaisnt psychic attack and said to be able to block curses. The metal pendant was the hardest part for me, at first I thought maybe it was silver but to me it looks too dark and dull to be silver. What it could be though is lead. And yup you guessed it lead is also linked to death as well as spells.

So yeah pretty much every character has a necklace that has some kind of symbolism around it and even more curious than that alot of them can be connected to each other. All three of the boys have stones or metals that are meant to protect and are associated with both death and spellwork. Those stones also link back to the moon. The other thing worth pointing out is that Willie also wears a shell necklace which obviously can be connected to the ocean which is also connected to the moon. Gold can be connected to the sun and Lapis Lazuli is also often connected to the sun, the sun is often connected to the moon as they both represent cycles and opposites, willie wears a key that connects to Flynn’s padlock, basically all of them can be connected to each other in some way. But of course I could be reading way too much into this and they’re really are just pretty necklaces.

8) Cats and Dogs.

Speaking of accessories I do want to go back and focus on Flynn again for a moment. One thing I noticed about Flynn is that its not just the padlock that is a consistent thing with her outfits. She is often also dressed in clothing that has cat prints. She also has cats on her backpack and in episode 2 she wears a necklace with a cat on it along with her padlock necklace.

Rmemeber earlier when I said I thought Flynn would play the part of a sort of protector to the band well as you can see Flynn often wears leopard print, in African lore the leopard is said to be the guardian of the dead and is said to show the way to the next realm. There is a similar myth in Ancient Eygptian culture through the cat goddess Bastet, whilst she had many forms throughout time and many duties one of which was to protect and guide. Another interesting thing about this goddess is that she was also the goddess of women’s secrets. We know that Flynn is the only one that Julie told about the band. Also leopards are seen as a counselor in the spirit animal world a role that Flynn often plays for Julie. The leopard represents your psychic self and future telling. Again this fits Flynn’s story as it is her who figures out that Julie’s mother is leaving signs and working behind the scenes so to speak.

But whilst it seems to me that cat’s are more heavily associated with Flynn’s character its not the only animal that can be linked to Flynn. She also is sometimes seen with dog imagery. She sometimes carries a dog purse.

Since ancient times dogs have been considered to be psychic and also able to see ghosts. This could be a hint that in season 2 Flynn will also be able to see the boys. Also like the cat the dog in ancient greek mythology is associated with the dead and is also a guardian for the afterlife, hades has a three headed dog named cerberus that guards the gates to the afterlife.

Other cat/ dog imagery can be seen in those posters I mentioned earlier.

Of course this could all be just a coincidence and might not mean anything at all. But what else is interesting about these posters is if you look at the cat one again, it’s accompanied by a poster showing someone playing music and what to me looks like a spirit type thing appearing. Then there’s the one with the cat right under it which is interesting because the poster says mammoth offspring on it but that defo looks like a cat to me not a mammoth. As a slight tangent though the mammoth thing could be a reference to the talk about bringing the wooly mammoth back from extiction, its symbolic of that idea of bringing back to life something that has been long dead. Anyway under that there’s a poster of a woman with a moon in the sky and the words acting moon. Cats are often closely related to the moon and both the moon and cats are closely related to witchcraft. What does that matter you might ask? Well...

9) So we’re going with witch?

Remember that hilarious scene in episode 1 when the boys are discussing how Julie got all her stuff in their studio so fast Reggie offers up the suggestion that Julie is a witch because there are chairs floating on the ceiling. Luke is inclined to agree with him at first before Alex shoots them down. I think this is another one of those scenes where you just think its a funny moment but then when you think about it makes perfect sense. I mean I legit think Julie is a witch, or at least she has some kind of magic. There are so many things that link her with magic. I already talked earlier about the moon necklace she wears. But she also has a moon on her jeans in episode 1.

Again the moon is heavily linked with magic. Also there is the fact that her companion Flynn seems to be linked to cats and witches often have cats as companions/ familiars.

As I said earlier the colour purple is representative of magic well the first time Julie makes the boys appear to an audience in Bright the light that the technician sets on her is purple meaning Julie literally glows purple before she does this magical act of making the boys visible.

A similar thing happens before their performance for Finally free though its not as intense. But you can see that purple glow around her.

And again, whilst its more subtle, for Edge of Great when Julie is coming out of the studio the light in the studio is purple and once again she appears to be glowing purple.

Also this would again put her as an equal rival for Caleb. We know that he is a magician so in my opinion it would make sense for Julie to posess some kind of magic, like I said her and Caleb are opposite sides of the same coin. So yeah in conclusion Reggie and Luke are right Julie is a witch.

Edit: Also I forgot to add this one in but in episode 9 she is wearing a top that says ‘Mystic Child’ on it along with flowers and moons and stars.

10) All Eyes On Bobby.

So the final thing I want to talk about is Bobby/ Trevor. Don’t ask me why because I would not be able to tell you but I can’t help but be intrigued by his character. I wonder why he did what he did, why did he steal the songs and not give the others any credit? Did he grieve his friends? Or are they trying to paint him as like this villian who doesn’t care about anyone? Well I actually think we can get some answers to these questions from a rather interesting place. His daughter’s song All Eyes On Me. If you take some of the lyrics and put them in a different context I really do think they can be linked back to Bobby. There are several connotations to stealing, ‘I'm stealing all the attention’ or another one is ‘Stealing looks, it's robbery’ and another one ‘ I'm taking over your playlist’ I mean bobby really did take over Luke’s playlist in the sense that he took all the songs. So now that we’ve established that this song could very well be hinting at bobby what else can the song tell us about his motives and mindset. Well there is that section ‘ They don't get the shine that I get, Some get jealous, They can't help it, They wish they were me.’ I actually think this part is about Luke. Julie says that whilst the album he released of Luke’s songs did really well his other albums weren’t as good. Now she doesn’t say that they are bad just that they weren’t getting the same attention Luke’s were. This also tells us that Bobby like Luke also wrote songs. But I think that Luke’s songs always got more attention and praise and over time Bobby began to gain some jealousy towards Luke because as the song says Bobby doesn’t have the shine that Luke does and Bobby wishes he was Luke. More evidence in the song that Bobby felt this way comes from the opening lines ‘ Whenever I walk in the room, All the focus on me, The way I talk, the way I move, They all want on my team.’ I feel like this might have happened alot, that Luke would just get loads of attention whenever he walked into a room and everyone wanted to talk to him. Then if you look at these lines ‘ I make an entrance when I don't try, don't try, Cause all I see is all eyes on me, I only lead, I never follow, follow.’ Again this could be a hint at how Bobby was feeling towards Luke at that time like Luke got everything easy, he could get attention without trying. Also I’ve always got the vibe that Luke was the leader of the band and so its possible the line about only leading never following could be that Bobby felt that Luke wasn’t paying enough attention to his ideas and was starting to feel a little bit of resentment towards him. Maybe he was also feeling a little like he was in the boys shadows. It’s worth noting that in the song Now or Never whilst Luke, Alex and Reggie all have solo pieces where they sing Bobby doesn’t, yet we know he must be able to sing, I don’t care how good Luke’s lyrics were if Bobby couldn’t sing he wouldn’t have got a platnium record. I think some of this can be picked up in that beginning scene with Sunset Curve and Rose. Bobby is the first one to approach her but then the rest of the group comes over and despite approaching her first he ends up being the last one to give her his name. Also most of the interaction happens between Rose and Luke, Alex and Reggie with Bobby barely speaking at all. I do feel like whilst all the boys were close Bobby was a bit more of a timid one around the others and didn’t stand up for himself or his ideas like the others do. For example we know that Alex and Reggie will push back against Luke. When Luke tells Reggie to stop putting his country songs in his journal you can guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s had to tell Reggie that, also when he says it Reggie just retorts that its a gift and he should have another look at it. This shows that Reggie isn’t afraid to pitch his ideas to Luke even if Luke says no. Also when Luke tells Alex no dancing and Alex just immediately starts dancing as a retort. I get the sense that it wasn’t the same with Bobby. Now don’t get the wrong idea I’m not saying in any way that the boys bullied or deliberately pushed Bobby out more that Luke, Alex and Reggie kind of have this banter and they bounce off each other but it seemed to me like Bobby struggled with this and just couldn’t keep up with it. During the conversation with Rose you can see that Bobby looks a little annoyed and you can understand why, he works up the courage to talk to this girl and instead his bandmates kind of take over the conversation which is why he reminds them about the hot dogs I think he figured if they were gone he’d be able to have a more comfortable conversation with her.

Which brings me to my next question, how did Bobby react to his bandmates deaths and did he ever feel any guilt about stealing the songs. Well on the surface his actions right after seem a bit suspect and there is that line in All Eyes On Me ‘Must have won the lottery’ which if we take this song as actually being about Bobby then it could be construed as he was kinda happy that his band mates died that he almost saw it as a stroke of luck. I mean couple that with the fact that right after their deaths he layed low and changed his name plus the fact that he stole their songs it doesn’t look like he cared all that much and I’ll admit for a hot minute there that is the image I had of him. But then I looked closer and actually there are quite a few signs that Bobby isn’t as fine and dandy as he first seems. One example is the fact that he meditates, meditation is often used by people with mental health issues such as depression, anxiety and insomnia. I’m not saying that just because he meditates he must have some metal health issue just that its a possibilty especially when you combine it with the other hints. For example after the guys haunt him and he rushes out telling Carrie that he’s going to see his therapist, Carrie rolls her eyes. I get the feeling from this that seeing his therapist is something that her dad does often which again could indicate that he was more effected by his bandmates deaths than we know. Another subtle hint that he might be still struggling with their deaths is that we see him returning from a run in episode 9 that along with the meditating and the therapist tells us that he cares about his health and wellness which you know good things but its possible that the reason why he cares so much is because his friends died at a really young age which was traumatic for him and made him think about his own mortality and so he maybe becomes a bit obsessed with his health. Also him laying low and changing his name can be explained by the fact that the press were looking for him we know that from the article Julie read in the pilot. Bobby had just lost his friends and I’m sure the last thing he wanted was the press asking him a load of questions and there’s a good chance he knew that they were looking for him. He and Rose probably exchanged numbers at the Orpheum and seeing as the band were going to play there it wouldn’t be a stretch to think reporters would have gone there to see if they could get a way of contacting Bobby. Rose could have called Bobby to warn him and this is why he changes his name not to cover his tracks because he stole Luke’s songs but because he was avoiding the press so he could grieve in peace. I think he then might have then tried to get his music out there after some time deciding the guys would have wanted him to keep chasing his dreams. But he runs into a problem of nobody is all that interested in his songs, I think in a moment of desperation he plays one of the bands songs, he goes back to something familiar and they love it. He tells one little lie and then it snowballs to the point where he can’t take it back without causing irreparable damage to his reputation. I could see him trying to justify his actions to himself by telling himself that the songs belonged to the band and that he had as much right to them as the boys and well the boys weren’t here so what was the harm. As to why he didn’t give credit to the band it was probably because he knew that if he gave credit he would have to explain what happened to them and then their tragedy would haunt him for the rest of his life, the media and fans would all bring it up, maybe he just thoguht he wouldn’t be able to deal with that pain and so he just stays quiet and then he just gets buried in the lie, the record label wants more songs so he records more and more of Luke’s songs and then when he has enough of a name and loyal following of fans he starts recording his own songs. The reason why I think it went down like this is again from the song All Eyes On Me the verse ‘They know my face, They know my name, Reputation on lock, It's not my fault I got the fame, Ain't my fault it won't stop.’ The beginning part about knowing his name and his reputation on lock makes me think that after that first album he had enough of a reputation to secure himself and that he no longer needed Luke’s songs and I think at this point that guilty consious really kicks in and he decides not to record anymore of Luke’s songs. I really do think Bobby chose not record anymore as we know that he didn’t record all of Sunset Curves songs, he didn’t record bright, finally free or unsaid emily (thankfully) and he could have which to me suggest it was a consious decision on his part to stop. If he really was money hungry and all he cared about was fame and money then he would have recorded the rest of their songs. Another reason why I think Bobby has a bit of a guilty conscious is the line ‘It’s not my fault I got the fame.’ That to me sounds like something someone might say to try and convince themselves that they are not guilty of something, like Bobby is trying to justify his actions by saying that it wasn’t his fault that they died and he lived to go on and be successful, that it was just luck, which would circle back to the line ‘must have won the lottery’ this isn’t about celebration a lottery is about sheer dumb luck and he is recognising that. But here’s the thing that sealed it for me and convinced me that Bobby isn’t this completely heartless person who never cared about his friends.

Just look at this guys face. This is right after the boys appear on stage in Stand Tall. Look his expression isn’t one of jsut shock to me that is the face of a man who is grieving, who is feeling pain at the loss of someone he loved. I mean he looks devastated and his eyes are welling up, this is pure emotion and you’ll never convince me that this is the face of someone who didn’t love those boys like they were family.

I do want to say though that I in no way condone what Bobby did, he either should have given them credit or not recorded the songs. I’m just trying to explain what I think his thought process was during that time and point out that this image that he is some fame hungry monster isn’t entirely true. I do think that we could see him getting a redemption arc in season 2 and maybe some rifts can be mended.

I also think that Carrie will get a redemption arc and will make up with Julie. I do think there is alot of parallels between Sunset Curve and Carrie and Julie. It’s the same story of they were really close friends but then they have a falling out and end up as enemies. I think this is way they use Carrie’s song to tell the story of Bobby and the boys. Another reason why I think they are going to possibly get a redemption arc or at the very least play a bigger part in season 2 is because of the flowers, those little signs that Julie’s mum likes to leave. In episode 9 when Bobby comes in and sees Carrie watching that video on the table is a boquet of flowers, of white roses, white orchids and lilys.

Lilys obviously have a lot of symbolism of remembrance but they also represent rebirth and renewal. Orchids in some cultures represent unity and white orchids are said to represent hope. The roses I obviously think is a connection to Julie’s mum but white roses symbolise new beginnings. This makes me think that there is hope for a new beginning for Bobby, Carrie and Julie and the Phantoms. I do think it’ll be the memory of Rose that brings them all together after all Bobby knows that Rose/ Julie’s mum is the girl they were talking to in the pilot. I think he’ll tell the boys this and I think each of their connections to Rose is what will help mend the rifts between them all.

Ok well that’s it for now because this post is getting way way too long. If you have taken the time to read all the way through this then thank you, let me know what your theories and thoughts are I’d love to hear them. I’m definitely going to be posting more about JATP its my current obession right now the next post is going to be about Alex and Carrie and how I think they might have some kind of plotline in season 2 so keep an eye out for that if you think that is something you would be interested in.

#julie and the phantoms #jatp speculation #jatp spoilers

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swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years

Text

Late Stage Swiftgron Part 1

Update from November 2021 - I really don’t believe much of this is meaningful at all. I don’t think they’re sitting around referencing one another on social media or anything but some of Dianna’s interactions with Karlie are interesting Dianna shows up explicitly in Taylor’s life a couple more times so I’m leaving these sections here.;

From here on out everything but the 2014 AMAs and Dianna’s somewhat shocking appearance at Taylor’s 2019 SNL performance are just odd social media shenanigans (or subtweets) between the two, and Taylor appearing to release at least one more song about Dianna (Babe in 2018) (and let’s be honest you can make a strong argument for The 1 being about Dianna as well other post 1989 songs.)

Some of this might be complete crack or coincidence but as you all know I want this to be the most thorough Swiftgron document possible.

If anything it proves they both certainly still have similar interests and they really do seem to be in touch.

There are some interactions claimed by others to be Swiftgron related that I’m not going to include because they’re just a bit too reachy for me (though I completely support the theorizing!) but in general, if I personally can see the hint of a Swiftgron connection, I’m going to include it here. Draw your own conclusions and take everything, particularly the alleged subtweets/social media shenanigans, with a grain of salt.

And yes there’s tons of Kaylor and other Gaylor/Gaygron content that will be left out of this segment because this masterpost is focused on Swiftgron. Someday it would be cool to make a giant masterpost/timeline that documents all of it, but for now it’s just going to be Swiftgron stuff. August 26, 2014 - Dianna tweets, and then deletes “Withdrawals, clearly…we had fun.”

There’s no screen shot of this tweet but some retweets/responses of it remain:

If Dianna is indeed referencing the song Clean (in which their relationship is compared to an addiction hence, “withdrawals” from it) then Taylor would have had to give her advanced knowledge of the song since 1989 did not come out until October 2014.

Taylor did claim she ran 1989 by the muse that inspired it and they were both in LA in late August 2014. Maybe this is when.

November 1, 2014 - Taylor posts about Clean

November 19, 2014 - The 2014 AMAs Kaylorgron Explosion Extravaganza:

Taylor, Karlie, and Dianna are at the event. Taylor and Karlie are clearly on a date and Dianna is there to present Sam Smith’s performance of I’m not the only one. Dianna seems a bit out of her element/gloomy when interviewed on the red carpet and Taylor flexes Karlie hard, dancing with her throughout the night and even sitting on her lap during an interview.

Click here for photos, video, gifs, and a live L chat reaction to the night.

December 28, 2014 - The writer for the tv show The Originals, Carina Mackenzie, tweeted that 1989 was about Dianna:

It’s of course notable that someone in the industry is “confirming” Swiftgron on main (particularly before gaylor went mainstream with Kaylor being so obvious in 2015/2016) however what’s even more interesting and notable about this tweet is that an actor named Michael Trevino was on the show The Originals and he dated Jenna Ushkowitz from 2011-2014.

Not only that but Michael was at Dianna’s 26th birthday when Taylor was in attendance as well.

It’s possible that Michael witnessed Swiftgron in real life and spilled a bit to the writer of the TV show he was on.

January 5, 2015 - Taylor likes a Swiftgron related post on Tumblr of Dianna saying she’d go on the road with Taylor and carry her bags at the Giffoni Film Festival in 2012:

February 9, 2015 - Style is released as a single

February 13, 2015 - The Kaylor “Best Friends” on a road trip Vogue Spread comes out. You’re probably familiar with it but if you aren’t google it. It’s incredibly romantic and pda filled.

The Style music video is released on this day as well.

We don’t have to go through the whole video but one egg I just have to note is the cave pictured in the MV is in Morocco the same country Dianna seemed to flee to after Swiftgron was outed:

February 14, 2015 - Dianna tweets 143 remember those days (for some reason it has not been deleted) seemingly in response to the Kaylor vogue shoot:

143 is a code that means “I love you” that originated from Mister Rogers. Both Taylor and Dianna have publicly shown that they are fans of his. Taylor has even made certain songs 3 minutes and 41 seconds long seemingly referring to this number and wore a Mister Rogers pin on a jacket for a photoshoot once.

Here’s a bit more in depth analysis on the significance of the 143 post.

This tweet is how we know that it is 100% in Dianna’s character to occasionally subtweet Taylor and why a lot of this social media analysis has been done.

February 16, 2015 - Just two days later Dianna attends a fashion show in which Karlie walks and is noted to “have kept a smirk on her face” during. Dianna doesn’t clap at the end of the show and looks miserable in photos of the event:

February 17, 2015 - Taylor releases Wonderland

I’m going to pause here and discuss the song Wonderland for a brief moment because it is some of the most incredibly airtight evidence for Swiftgron available.

Dianna’s favorite book of all time is Alice in Wonderland. She brought it up in interviews all the time, tweeted about it, auctioned off a signed copy of it for charity, her private Tumblr and instagram account are called whosirmesir which is a reference to it, her private Tumblr is filled with reblogs about Alice, and her public Tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole.

So the fact that Taylor writes an entire song describing a relationship through the lens of and packing full of references to Alice in Wonderland is incredibly interesting.

Let’s take a look at some of these lyrics:

Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we Fell down the rabbit hole (literally Dianna’s tumblr name and url)

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me (Dianna is famous for her beautiful almost hypnotic green eyes and yes they are green)

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds (queer coded)

Too in love to think straight (queer coded)

But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams (seems to reference when they were outed) You searched the world for something else (Dianna very publicly went travelling around the world right after April 2013 when they seem to break up)

Taylor literally put Dianna’s Tumblr URL in the song. Frankly I’m kind of shocked she released this song at all it is so obviously and clearly about Dianna. Truly a Swiftgron anthem!

Back to the timeline...

March 8, 2015 - Taylor posts Flamingos for her dad’s birthday:

The caption was “Happy Birthday, Dad. Thanks for all the unconditional love, sarcastic comments, and interesting Christmas presents.”

May 1, 2015 - Dianna posts a flamingo for her birthday (post is now deleted):

The caption was “This is 29. Spoiled rotten. Funny enough, at work they were painting the hallways white and the roses (hallway doors) red, then I actually went to Wonderland (@AliceUnderLdn) and came home to a surprise flamingo. Here we go. Another year around the sun…feeling lucky and loved and loved and lucky.”

Taylor also gave Emily, another rumored ex, a flamingo bandana for her birthday. i also think it’s odd that Dianna mentions Wonderland specifically in the post.

January 15, 2016 - Dianna’s engagement to Winston is announced and Kaylors notice Taylor is liking sad posts on Tumblr including several posts related to Clean:

November 7, 2016 - Lorde’s birthday party where Kaylor is together in public for the last time for 20 months.

January 5, 2017 - Claire (who is still very close with Taylor) comments on one of Dianna’s Instagram posts):

March 2, 2017 - Dianna posts her James Dean inStyle UK photo to Instagram:

This is actually the second time she has posted this as a throwback photo. She also posted it on February 4, 2016 with simply the caption “TBT” and did not include the “rebel without a clue” bit which is a reference to James Dean (Rebel Without a Cause). She’s never posted the same TBT photo twice before or after this (as of the writing of this post in October 2020).

It I may be permitted to go real far out on a limb here it’s almost as if she wanted people to connect that photo of her in the UK InStyle magazine to James Dean. James Dean is of course the way Taylor describes her lover in the song Style.

At any rate it’s very odd that it’s the only photo she’s posted twice whether it’s related to Taylor or not.

April 25, 2017 - Fans notice Dianna is having her script tattoo removed:

This is significant because a part of the tattoo was dedicated to Alice in Wonderland - it said “We’re all mad here”

Tattoo removal is a years long process:

So it’s possible she started getting it removed around the time that Wonderland came out.

It’s also possible part of the tattoo was dedicated to Lea (the part that said “here I am”) so this whole removal situation is very interesting.

In 2019 she was still getting it removed and commented this at a Cafe Carlyle session:

"i was like i don't know i wanna explain all my tattoos or the one that i'm getting removed on my side...you know you're like...WHATEVER we're stopping we're moving on"

February 13, 2018 - Dianna attends the Carolina Herrera fashion show, so does Karlie. Dianna is introduced to Karlie by Derek Blasberg and very audibly calls Karlie “gorgeoouusss” as they meet.

Kayda play “Gorgeous” by Taylor Swift.

vimeo

Click here to keep reading!

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n3rdybird · 3 years

Text

Healing Touch

Written for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan‘s Hamilton Lyric challenge! This story went through so many re-writes and changes, god I hope this mangled mess is okay, haha. My prompt was the line “My name’s been through a lot. I can take it.”

Vikings

HeahmundxReader

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Some blood, talk about Church, self-flagellation etc (referenced, not described in depth) suggestive language, oogling a man of the church (haha)

Gossip was always a funny thing in small villages. Perhaps you had not been thinking clear when you established your home on the edge of the holy town of Sherborn. Nestled in the woods near a stream, you were both close enough to the town to visit for supplies but far enough away that your arrival stirred up a bit of mystery.

As an unmarried woman with no known family, you already raised a few brows of the more prominent families. But it was your talent for herbalism that set most of the tongues wagging. The smallfolk were more pragmatic towards your skills. They could overlook your marital status if it meant well-made salves and tonic for their aches and illnesses. With their payments, usually traded goods that you could not make yourself, and the bounty of the forest, you rarely had any need to visit the town marketplace. Which only furthered the mystique around you.

When you did grace the town with your presence, most of the townsfolk gave you a wide berth, allowing you to shop in peace. Even the merchants seemed to deal in your favor, giving you more than was due for your wares. You heard the rumors. Half the town believed that you were a cunning woman and would bring misfortune to any who wronged you. The other half sang your praises, that you were even more skilled than the clergy.

So it was to your great surprise as you kneeled to rearrange your parcels in your basket that a shadow loomed over you. You glanced upward, schooling your features as you saw the Bishop of Sherborne himself, Heahmund, standing over you.

You nodded your head in greeting before standing, slinging your basket over your shoulder. The bishop was a popular man, known for his devotion to God as well as to the sword. And lesser-known, his propensity for women. Mostly gossip, but living as you had, you knew there was at least a kernel of truth to any rumor. His handsome face did not help, nor the way his stubble gave him a rakish air. He was a far cry from the average holy man, fat and week from a sedentary lifestyle.

“Your Grace,” you greeted and dipped into a shallow curtsey, giving the most powerful man in Sherborne due deference for his position.

“You know who I am?” he asked.

“Of course. One could scarcely live in Sherborne without knowing of its Bishop,” you answered.

He nodded in agreement, before gesturing for you to walk with him.

“Please allow me to escort you home if you are finished for the day,” he offered.

You had no intention of spending any considerable time with the church official, but you erred on the side of caution and walked in step next to him.

“I apologize for not making my acquaintance sooner, I meet most of my parishioners on Sundays for mass,” he said, keeping his eyes forward.

You hummed noncommittally, but inside, you blanched. Heahmund's statement seemed polite on the surface, but you knew he was angling for an answer to why you had yet to make an appearance in church. In all honesty, it wasn’t that you weren’t Christian. You were, in your own way. It was the idea that one had to go to church to be considered religious that you didn’t agree with. So you had to pick your words carefully.

“Well then I am pleased that I’ve had the chance to meet you today,” you said, avoiding the point about the church, focusing on his former words rather than the latter. Heahmund cut his eyes towards you, clearly noting your evasion.

“Quite.” His tone was sharp and you felt as if you failed an unknown test.

The conversation dwindled to Heahmund telling bits of history about the town or gesturing to points of interest as the two of you left town. You were glad when you walked past the boundary of Sherborne. You were used to the curious stares when you were alone, but with the Bishop as company, it seemed the gazes were amplified. The gossip mill would soon be in a frenzy. The path home took you past the open fields and into the shaded forest along a winding path.

“Living alone, so far from town, must worry you,” he noted.

“Why would I be worried?”

“Well a woman such as yourself, living alone. You would be far better protected living in town. Roaming bandits, animals, or even the occasional Viking incursion.”

“I worry as much as the next, I suppose, but living in town has never appealed to me. Not to mention it is easier to collect wild plants,” you explained.

“Yes, I’ve heard of your skills. Where did you learn?”

You paused your walk, noticing a crop of comfrey sprouting from the ground. You knelt in the dirt, brushing the purple buds with your fingertips. Too young. You’d have to wait a few more days to harvest. You stood up, wiping the dirt off your skirt. You glanced back at Heahmund who had stopped several paces away. He was watching you closely but looked away as soon as your gaze met his.

“Family mostly, I’ve never learned formally. I’ve found that there is much in nature that can help or hurt. It only takes a practiced hand to know the difference.”

Heahmund stiffened, his hand resting on his sword. His gaze turned to stone as he eyed you critically.

“And do you only heal? Or do you hurt? I admit this meeting was no coincidence. There have been rumors that reached my ears. Half the town believes you to be a cunning woman, a witch, and I do not suffer pagans under my watch.”

You swallowed. You shouldn’t have disregarded the gut feeling you had the moment he began speaking to you. If the Bishop found any fault in your words, he could kill you now and be firm in his belief that he was in the right in his duty as a man of God. There was no one around who could come to your aid, not that any would stand against the warrior.

“Do you deny it?”

“Perhaps you could tell me which rumors have graced your ears, so I may better defend myself.” The words you spoke were calm and confident, the complete opposite of how you were feeling. The sounds of the forest melted away and all you could hear was your rapid heartbeat as you tried to control your fear.

Heahmund tilted his head as if trying to suss out your guilt or innocence.

“‘Which’ rumors? You are aware of what people say about you?”

“My name’s been through a lot. I can take it. Women are always subjected to gossip, especially unmarried ones. I would be a fool to believe otherwise. I hardly see the point in trying to change someone’s opinion of me. People do not like to be wrong.”

“Lord Oswald has claimed that you hold dark influence over his daughter, causing her to act out and defy her father. And that you placed a curse upon him, causing illness.”

At the mention of the man, you clenched your fist. You had first met his daughter when she visited you, draped in a cloak to hide her face. The purple bruise that spread across her cheekbone like a wine stain caused your immediate hatred towards the man she called father. You may have let out a few choice curse words as you treated the abrasion and consoled the young woman.

“That man is a pig. I couldn't care less what he thought of me. As for his illness, perhaps he should be blaming his poor diet.”

“Lord Oswald is an upstanding and-”

“Upstanding? That man would sell his daughter to the vilest devil on earth if it meant he’d get more power!” You blurted the words out, angry that that man would be considered upstanding.

“His daughter is his by rights, and as such may marry her to a man of his choosing. That is the duty of daughters,” the Bishop intoned, repeating the words drilled into him by years of church teachings.

You scoffed at his words, biting back harsh curses. Duty, you’ve never cared for that word.

“Duty, what a hollow promise. Is it not a father’s duty to protect his daughter? And not to lay a hand on her in anger?”

Heahmund’s face softened at that particular bit of information.

“Did you place a curse on Oswald?” he asked again, his voice low and stern.

“I wouldn’t have to. That man will drink himself into an early grave,” you spat. You nodded to where his hand was still resting on the pommel of his sword.

“So what is your judgment? Is thinking a man worth less than a pile of shit enough to die? Or not congregating with hypocrites on Sunday who profess their goodness only to hit their wives or cheat on their husbands or sleep with clergymen? Are those my crimes?”

The last bit of course was aimed at the Bishop. He was taken aback by your words. He too knew the hypocrisy of humans, he had seen it firsthand in others and himself.

“Regardless of any sin committed, man can repent and ask forgiveness.” It was what he told himself every time he failed in his duty to God.

“But I am judged by the words of one man, and that’s enough to condemn me? And what of all the kind words said in my favor? Because they are from the smallfolk they aren’t as important? But as soon as someone with ‘prestige’ speaks horrible lies, you must come running to investigate. Like a trained hound set out by its masters.”

Dismissing the warrior bishop, you shook your head. Rigid, sanctimonious, and arrogant.

“If you are going to kill me, kill me. I do not wish to suffer your presence any longer.”

When Heahmund did not speak but removed his hand from his sword you gave him a terse nod.

“Enjoy the rest of your day, your Grace.”

Heahmund watched as you walked away, your skirts swishing behind you. You had spoken the truth. He had no interest in you until the upper echelon started their complaints. He was all but demanded to get to the bottom of it. As much as your words stung, you were correct. He could have denounced the hearsay as soon as they were spoken, owing to the fact that smallfolk all but revered you. So he bowed under the demands to keep his place secure.

You, however, were not what he expected. Young, unmarried, and striking. He thought you might be an older widow, with the talk of your skills. Instead he got you, a fiery, educated young woman, who wasn't afraid of speaking her mind. It was almost refreshing to have someone not fawn over him. Yes, you treated him with respect but did not trip over yourself to please him. You had no problem criticizing him.

He rubbed the pommel of his sword, worrying the raised designs with his thumb. You were interesting indeed.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After you left the bishop to mull over your words, you had hurried home, half expecting him to come after you and take you in for your supposed crimes. When he did not follow, your steps became shaky and you found yourself stumbling into the small cottage you called home. You flung the latch closed and leaned against the door, trying to regain your wits.

You had been accused of crimes, as untrue as they were. The Bishop himself was sent to investigate. And you had thrown a tantrum, insulting him and his life. The next few days you did not venture far from your home, fearing retribution. You debated leaving your home, going to another area. But you tired of running away. As the days passed, you breathed a little easier. No one had come to take you away, and the smallfolk continued to do business with you.

After a particularly grueling morning over a cookfire, and setting a poor child’s broken arm, you were exhausted. With the hot sun overhead, you plucked at your tunic as it stuck to your skin. A dip in the water would do nicely.

Gathering your satchel and clad in a lightweight chemise, you began your trek to your preferred bathing spot. A small bend in the river where the water calmed and you could bathe in relative peace.

Placing your bag within reach of the water, you glance around before unlacing your chemise, letting it fall to your feet. The water was cool, refreshing on your overheated skin. You ducked under the water, brushing your wet locks away from your face. You wiped the water from your eyes before reaching for your soap to wash away the grime of the morning.

“Perhaps you are not a witch, but a water nymph from Greek stories,” a familiar voice called out. You spun and stared gobsmacked at the bishop sitting near the edge of the water. You bristled at the nerve of him openly staring as you bathed.

“Shouldn’t a man of the cloth look away when a woman is bathing?” you retorted, wishing for the first time that the water was not so clear.

“Ah, but you have already judged me a hypocrite, would that not be proving you wrong?” he replied but turned his head away from you.

You grumbled, a bit irritated that he had thrown your own words back in your face. Making your way to the shore, you all but snatched your chemise with outstretched fingertips, and dressed with haste.

“Is there something you need, your Grace?” you huffed out, irritated that he had spoiled your bath. You grabbed your satchel, swinging it wildly over your shoulder, hitting his chest with the soft leather. You immediately dropped your pack in alarm when he hissed in pain.

“I came to apologize,” he said between clenched teeth. “Would that be amiable, or would you prefer to hit me with your bag again?”

The weight of your bag should not have caused him any pain, especially if it caused him to grit his teeth. You peeled back his tunic and gasped at the sight of several scratches adorning his chest. Though most were superficial, a few deep welts drug across the expanse of his skin.

“What on earth happened?”

Heahmund jerked away from your grip.

“It’s nothing to worry about," he said, brushing off your concern.

“I’d ask you not to lie to me. Take off your shirt.”

When he didn’t follow your command you rolled your eyes.

“Lord save me from bullheaded men,” you muttered, reaching for his shirt.

“You can either take off your shirt, or I will cut it off. It matters not to me what you choose.”

Heahmund raised a brow at your demands and pulled his tunic over his head with a grunt of pain. Kneeling in front of him, you tried to not ogle the Bishop as you took in his wounds. Most were already scabbed over, others dark with crusted blood. You curled your lip in dismay. You traced your fingers over his skin, the newer cuts crossing over old scars. Some of the deeper gashes were warm to the touch, a sign of infection. You looked up, his eyes watching your hand as it moved across his chest before looking at you.

You pulled your hand away, clucking in a scolding manner. Rifling through your pouch, you pulled out a strip of cloth and some salve. You dipped the cloth into the cool water, wringing out the excess before blotting at the wounds.

“You would think someone with your knowledge would know to treat cuts, no matter how trivial,” you said, as you washed the crusted blood away. “You look like you got in a fight with a cat,” you joked.

“Thorns actually,” he amended. When you looked at him confused, he clarified.

“My self-penance, along with asking for your forgiveness.”

You paused in your ministrations, horrified at the thought.

“You believe God would want you to harm yourself to seek forgiveness?”

“It brings me clarity, to better understand what path God wishes me to take.”

You shook your head before reaching for the salve.

“What is there to understand? God gave us free will, for us to make the choices in our lives. Maybe making mistakes is part of his plan?” you said softly, applying the paste with deft fingers.

“I fear I make too many mistakes, stumble too often in my path,” Heahmund confessed.

“You were right. About Oswald and the rumors. His daughter confirmed it in confession. She was quite worried about you when she heard I came to visit you.”

You shook your head, sighing. The last thing you wanted was to cause more trouble for the young girl.

“I hope you told her she was not at fault. I can take care of myself. Please tell her not to worry.”

He took your hand in his, his calloused fingertips running along yours. Your hand was calloused, but not from holding a sword. You had burn scars from hot pots, tiny cuts from mishaps with knives. Your hand that he had accused of witchcraft and misdeeds was the hand that wiped away his blood and applied medicine, something he did not deserve. A healing hand.

“Choices and mistakes shape our lives, make us who we are. My life brought me here, to Sherborne. As your choices brought you to me. It was your choice to let, rather than kill or imprison me, something I am grateful for,” you said matter of fact.

Heahmund laughed.

“We shall see if that works in my favor. Provided you didn’t poison me,” he said, nodding towards his chest.

You rolled your eyes and licked your fingertip, still coated in salve. Heahmund’s eyebrows jumped in surprise at your action.

“Well if it were poison, now I would die as well. So fear not your Grace, you should be on the mend quickly,” you jested with a smile. Heahmund returned your smile with one of his own. You felt your stomach flutter at the expression on his face, and the threat of a blush warmed your neck.

He brought your hand up to his lips and planted a warm slow kiss on the back of your knuckles. The rough brush of his stubble sent a zip of desire down your spine. This was dangerous. This was a mistake in the making. But you found yourself caring little as you stared into his eyes.

“Please, allow me to repay you.”

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