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cryingatships · 10 months

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Parents in BMF

Sooo, Be My Favorite has been hitting too close to my heart since ep 1. But this ep topped it off ahaha I did not sign up for this where's the cutesy show I can watch without feeling anything

There's already been a lot of (frankly wonderful) discussions about it, but this stuff hits close to home so I had to write a bit, too. Prior warnings for (mostly) personal thoughts, disorderly ramblings, and discussions of homophobia.

About Kawi

We start off the series with saving Kawi's family as one of the goals. But what is 'family' to Kawi? Kawi gives us a lot of info about his background - He is poor (one of his main insecurities that plays into his sense of self), his mother has remarried and moved away, and his father is mortally ill.

From Kawi's words, it's clear that he is not at all close to his mother. So, he probably did not have a mother figure growing up. Did he even have a feminine figure he was close to throughout his childhood and adolescence? A playmate, a neighbour, an aunt? (Not really, I think)

Is that why he values his 'crush' so much?

A woman showed him kindness and interest for perhaps a very, very long time, in a foreign setting where he feels vulnerable, and he latched to it. Can't blame him for that. But that brings up an interesting possibility—The feelings Kawi has for Pear, are they of an inherently romantic nature? Or are they of some other kind, but which Kawi chooses to label as romantic, because he has little to no experience with female affection whatsoever?

Anyway, I was supposed to talk about Kawi's dad and got derailed.

So, Kawi's father.

Someone who loves Kawi a lot, as evident from his unwillingness to touch the fixed deposit he has because it is saved for Kawi's future. He refuses to get expensive treatment that is crucial for him to live him because he does not want to land Kawi in debt. (He also refused to talk about his disease in the initial eps, perhaps because he does not want his son to worry about him and affect his studies.)

So, Kawi at least had a positive father figure in his life. (who evetually becomes the reason why Kawi starts chasing his dreams!! Woot to healthy fathers in bls and in reality!)

But, it also makes me wonder, would Kawi's father accept the fact of him being a part of the queer community? Since BMF is a bl show, the answer is perhaps yes. (Though BMF is giving so many surprises each week I feel that this may just be hmmm... not true... hm... deep in delulu) But if this was in the real world, would he, an aged asian person with perhaps negligible knowledge about the queer community, learns that his so-far-straight son has suddenly 'turned gay' (using this term cause this is what I've heard ppl use irl when talking about their kids coming out...), be ok with it? Would he accept Kawi?

(I REALLY really wanna see Kawi coming out to his dad. LIke. Give it to meeee gmmtv.)

About Pisaeng

Contrasting Kawi's openness about his family (despite his insecurities about it), we have Pisaeng, who gives us no info about his family.

In all the prev eps, we got little mention of Pisaeng's family. And when we did, it was from Pear, saying that Pisaeng had a lonely childhood with no friends other than her and Not. (Which struck me as weird, cause Pisaeng, with his friendliness, ought to have many. making assumption about extroverts...i'm sorry. Ofc, we later learn the reason for this.)

Anyway, Pisaeng *does not* bring his family up, ever. He refuses to talk of the past. What could have happened back then?

In ep 6, finally, we get an idea.

It's Max, dearest Tired Queer who never fails us, who brings it up (the irony!)

But, even faced with the direct question, Pisaeng clams up and refuses to talk. (At this point I didn't realize what was happening it, just thought we were hating on politicians like we always ought to. And that Pisaeng's last name is very common in Thailand.)

And this wannabe politician lady is liberal enough on the media to have an out and proud queer person like Max follow her because he likes "what she says."

I need a breather cause this is so close to reality that it's nauseating

We later know that liberal politician lady is Pisaeng's mum. And all her liberal thoughts are just for the show. She employs people who are from the queer community but then uses them to spy on her son. (another breather needed asap)

Now, I wouldn't have realized this part if @bengiyo hadn't pointed this out in their post about how Pisaeng has been forced into the closet by his *liberal queer-supportive* mother, who also insists on controlling his life, his sexuality, and even his friends. Look at @jjsanguine's post on Pisaeng's mother and her view of frivolous friendships! It's soo... TwT. There *are* parents who insist their children don't make friends cause according to them the wrong sort of friends will get them into trouble in their future life (aka employment/career. Frick society and its- everything, actually.)

As much as I hate her for her horrible parenting, for her blatant lies about acceptability, and for using queers to hunt down their own community, and for being a politician (there's smt inherently wrong with ppl in politics, smt or the other, you can't convince me otherwise), I can't help but marvel how real her character is. Cause yeah, this stuff happens every day. I've seen others experience it, and I've experienced it myself.

That said, I can also see *where* Pisaeng's mum is coming from. (His name is so long I wanna call him Saeng but we got soo many Saeng's in bls recently ueue). As in the thought that drives their behaviour.

I think Pisaeng's mother operates on this—It's ok as long as it's not one of ours aka queerness in fine, as long as it's other people, as long as it does not affect our children.

I dunno about Thailand, but in my part of Asia, this is the often the *most* acceptability queers get. This, or outright homophobia. (breaths.)

Parents (ie the 'cool' ones) are ok with lgbt+ as long as their kids don't come out one day, or heavens forbid, bring a partner home. I do believe there are some parents who accept lgbt freely, but like, in my 19 yrs of experience, none of the parents (the ones who were ok enough to hold such a talk with in the first place) were. I hope some parents out there are more accepting :')

If you belong to a particularly liberal upper/upper middle class family, and you show your parent an lgbt ad, talk about the latest legislature that decriminalized homosexual relationships, or the ongoing court case about legalizing same sex marriage, they'll be ok with that. They'll nod their head and say 'progress'. (Though a lot more parents would beat you/inflict other kinds of abuse on you. Also honour killing.)

But heaven forbid their child becomes a part of that community. Then, there are talks of soothsayers, 'treatments', "it's just a phase", cutting off the child's friends and their access to phone cause they've been "badly influenced".

At the end, if the person still insists on being a part of queer community, the parents will force them to hide it. Not to tell anyone about it, to go back to the closet. Which is exactly what happened with Pisaeng. Only, Pisaeng's mother makes it worse (should there be a difference in levels of homophobia?) by using this pseudo acceptance for profit.

Their worry? The person's future. Their career, jobs, social standing. Because yes, even with legislatures, being queer can hamper one's access to education, health, and job opportunities, among many many other things. (To say nothing about the recent rise in hate crimes in my country...)

Often, this behaviour comes from parental love (a very twisted love that is), because most parents do not want their children to suffer, which they inevitably would if they lived their queer lives openly in the current social conditions.

But it also comes from prejudice, hate, and as urge to control. In many cases, parents refuse to accept their children have grown up, and are in a place to make their own decisions. Instead, they try to dictate every thought and every behaviour, including the choice of marital partners. (Ik arranged marriage au is often a thing of joke in the bl circle but, it's so real, guys. It happens way too often and tho it's mostly not a coercive thing... it sometimes is).

Also, surveillance. Parents often pry on phones, it's uncomfortably common place. I know a (not lgbt) friend whose parent had hired a private detective to spy on them cause they were afraid said friend would go into bars and get into drugs after entering uni.

So yeah. It's a circus. It'd be a funny one if this wasn't real life. >.>

So anyway anyway, Pisaeng's mother and her words made me think a lot sooo... I thought-dumped!

When I started watching BMF I thought it'd be a funny little show that would help me relax after a hectic week. Who knew it'd make me write so much about so many things. (I also blame Tumblr.)

This got wayy too personal at the end so like, congrats if you read till here. I kudos your patience for reading my disorganized mess of thoughts. Have a cookie/cupcake/chicken fritters(they are so! good!)/other food of your choice and I hope your weekend goes reallyy well!

ALso I hope Pisaeng's mother gets her just desserts. Even if she accepts him in the end, her past behaviour is horrible. And who knows if she won't use her financial and political power to harm the queer society later? People in power always under suspicion tbh

Also I just realized we have got nothing about Pisaeng's father...

#waiting for the show to tell us that Kawi's mom divorced only recently #or that he has an aunt/girl frnds he was close to before coming to uni #the clown makeup stays on #this is very disorganised #and I do not have the energy to write everything properly cause like #too real. too personal. let me crawl back to my world of fanfics where every queer's guaranteed a happy ending #but woo who knew writing tumblr meta is so liberating #this is free therapy u.u #I'm supposed to be writing a bmf fic but I wrote this why why brain #also f politicians.#we do not support politicians in this blog #be my favorite #there's so many other posts about this topic that I really really liked but haven't tagged cause my memory is shit and me forgot T.T #ty ty ppl for writing and for creating a safe space #<333

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feelslikegold · 7 months

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ngl with the whole h****h tweet thing, i feel like some people are acting like it's 100% unprompted and missing a possible bit of context, so i am just gonna drop this here

obv i'm not trying to say she's exempt from criticism bc she's said and done some very icky things (including getting with a man in a long-term relationship like girl? saying that bc it's more relevant to this than the other stuff), but i will say some of the hate does feel slightly misogynistic. like that tweet was unprompted and just gonna do more damage than good. the whole idea of "sleeping ur way to the top" is just icky, and if that tweet is gonna do anything, it's just gonna fuel a victim complex and let misogynistic ideas stay in circulation so genuinely can people just ignore her instead of making the whole situation worse if the only thing they can say will just make the situation worse?

oh no absolutely like it’s just a mix of. I think logging off would benefit her SO much bc her tweets are only gonna spawn more weirdos like that person bc that person is clearly unhinged and unwell to speak to ANYONE like that, especially to someone who the person they idolize clearly loves…..stan twitter as a whole is disgusting tbh 😭

#I do not like hannah as a person even though I think you can grow from dumb shit once said at a young age #I just don’t really agree with many things #BUT the fans that stalk her twitter and send nasty ass replies like that clearly hate her for being sam’s gf 😭 it’s just so obvious that’s #the only reason #bc all of us on here may post tweets on our blogs to talk about with our small group of friends but i’d NEVER reply to one of her tweets #it’s cruel and also pointless…??? ignore her?????? it’s so easy to ignore her #she’s also not wrong about misogyny bc every single fandom hates every woman linked to their faves no matter who it is #I literally am already seeing people talk down about/criticize jenny and not only do we not know her we don’t even know if danny’s dating #her or not…..like??? it’s just such clown behavior and really gross #I do think hannah makes a lot of things worse but worse for her own self 🧍🏻‍♀️#thanks for context though! I only saw her tweet on my fyp and was like 😐#a lot of fans bitch about hannah blocking them but I absolutely would block every freak who talked to me like that

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