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fanficwritinggirl · 1 year

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Mcdanno reunited

2 years after leaving Danny receives a phone call from Steve throwing his world into a spin once again. But it's Steve McGarrett, what else would he expect.

Chapter 1 - The Call

Danny Williams hated when people interrupted his sleep. Well the sleep that he did get, i mean after all that he has been through in his life there was no question to why he has sleepless nights. And tonight was not one of those nights. Tonight was a night where Charlie wasn't asking him to stay up playing games with him and Grace wasnt up late watching a tv show meaning he was able to go to sleep peacefully but then his god damn phone had to ring at 2 am. There wasnt many nights that Danny had been woken up to his phone in the middle of the night, not since Steve left.

After that Danny took some time off of Five 0, spend some time with the kids and get used to the fact that Steve wasnt there anymore, only returning about a year ago deciding that he wasnt going to be out in the field as much and let his team take the reigns. He was suprisinly content with the paperwork, maybe it was the fact that he knew that he was safe, that his kids didnt have to worry about him ending up in the hospital in life threating condition. He blamed it on his age, he wasnt getting older, but then there was a part of him that did think that maybe it was because he didnt have Steve around to make him do crazy things.

Danny groaned before turning around in his bed and grabbing his phone. He answers without looking at the caller ID.

"Hello" he grumbles whiping the sleep out of his eyes.

"Danno" a voice whispers. Danny stills. It couldnt be. A voice that he hadnt heared in 2 years. A voice that he heard every single day for 10 years. A voice that he longed to hear.

"Steve" he says back, sitting up fully. "Steve, hey are you alright" he asked concerned. He hears crying on the other side of the phone.

"Hey Steve, listen to me i need you to calm down okay. Tell me what the hell is going on" he pleads. His heart thumps against his chest, he felt like he couldnt breathe, the panic was too much.

"Oh Danno... i dont..." Steve starts before sobbing again. Danny gets out of his bed unable to sit anymore.

"Steve. Please what is going on. Where are you".

"Im at Cedars-Sinai" he whispers. Danny heart sinks.

"Your in a hospital" Danny asks paniced. This was good, being in a hospital was never a good thing.

"Why are you in the hospital, Steve. What happened to you," Danny couldnt handle this, Steve was in hospital, in California.

"Its not me that im here for" Steve says finally calming down a little bit. Danny felt himself finally breathe again. So Steve wasnt hurt, that was good but then that lef the question for why was he in a hospital.

"Why are you in a hospital then. Who do you know that's hurt" Danny questions more but then there is another voice on the phone.

"Mr McGarrett" a voice asks and then he can hear shuffling.

"Danny please come. I need you" is all that is said before the line goes dead.

"Steve" Danny asks into the phone but there is no reply. He moves the phone away from his ear and looking at the screen. He felt so many emotions, he was confused, scared, angry. What is it now that after 2 years that Steve decides to contact him.

Sitting down he puts his head in his hands and lets out a shaky breathe. Steve wants him to come to California. Steve needs him, but why now, its not like he needed Danny in the last 2 years. But Danny knew Steve better than anyone and he knew that Steve would never cry like that if something wasnt wrong. And God Danny hated that he was even considering getting on the next available flight to California but he was.

Grabbing his phone he looks up flights to California. God he was going to hate himself for this later. He books the flights and grabs a duffle bag from his closet putting as many clothes as he could into it, he didnt know how long he was going to be gone for.

Danny door opens slowly and Grace stands at the door rubbing her eyes. "Danno what are you doing" she asks him still processing the scene in front of her. Danny really didnt know how he was going to explain this to her. I mean its not every night that you wake up to your dad packing a bag frantically.

He sighs and stops for a second. "Im going to California" he tells her closing the closet door.

"California. Why are you going to California" she asks him confused. Danny steps in front of her and sighs.

"Steve is in California" he tells her and this really puts her mind into a spin.

"Steve. As in Uncle Steve is in California".

"Yes".

"Why are you going to see Steve. I mean i thought you werent speaking to him" she asks him and Danny sighs putting his hands to his hair.

"He rang. He's in hospital".

"Hospital" Grace asks frantically and Danny puts his hands on her shoulders calming her down.

"He's in hospital buts its not for him" he assures her and this leaves her more confused.

"What... what does that even mean," Danny groans.

"I dont even know honey. He wasnt saying much to me on the phone but something is wrong and i cant just leave him to figure it out on his own. He needs me" Danny explain closing his duffle bag.

"Danno" Grace says and Danny turns and looks at her.

"I know you love Uncle Steve" she starts. "And i know that you would do anything for him, but has it ever occured to you that he might walk out on you again if you let him back in" she asks him. Danny knew she was scared. She saw what he was like after Steve left. He wasnt the same Danno as he was. It was like light was taken out of him, the light that Steve had put into him and it was only now after 2 full years that he was finally starting to get back to normal.

Danny sighs before taking his daughter into his arms. "I know that your scared honey but i have to do this. I have to go to him" Danny explain and her grip around him gets tighter.

"I just dont want you to get hurt" she explains and Danny shakes his head.

"I won't. I won't let him hurt me again" Danny explains and Grace sighs.

"You can't guarentee that," Danny nods.

"I know. But i will do my best". Grace looks at her head and shakes her head.

"You know what, i am coming with you" she says turning on her heal and heading towards her room. Danny is stunned for a second before shaking his head.

"No you are not" he whisper yells at her as he follows into her room. She fishes out a bag from her closet and starts putting clothes into it like her father.

"Yes i am. If you are going to be around Steve again you need someone to keep you in check and there is no better person than me" Grace says firmly and Danny groans.

"Gracie i am a grown man i can handle myself" Danny tells her and she nods her head.

"I know but I hate seeing you hurt and im not going to allow you to be. So im coming" she says finally and Danny groans knowing that this was going nowhere.

"Who is meant to look after Charlie. I cant leave him on his own" Danny explains and Grace shrugs her shoulders.

"Getting junior and Tani to look after him. I mean Danno we have a big enough Ohana that there is bound to be someone who can look after him while we are gone". Danny knows that there is nothing that he can do to get her to stay so he decides to save his energy.

"Fine. I will call Tani and Junior, book your flight and as soon as they are here we are leaving" he tells her. She smiles at him and he turns walking out of the room. How is it that in the span of 10 minutes that Steve McGarrett can make his world go absolutly crazy.

After a quick converstation with Junior on the phone, Danny puts his and Graces bags down near the door before heading to Charlies room. Opening the door, he steps inside quietly walking towards Charlies bed and crouching down next to it.

"Hey, Charlie buddy can you wake up please" he asks shaking the boy slightly. The boy shuffles groaning.

"Dad" he asks confused as he turns his head to his father.

"Hey" Danny says quietly. "So I need to go away for a little bit" Danny explains and the younger boy looks at him confused.

"What do you mean. Where are you going" he asks and Danny gives him a small smile. "It's just a work thing. Im going to California".

"For how long?"

"I dont know but it shouldnt be too long. I'll be back before you know it".

"And is Gracie going too". Danny nods his head.

"Yeah she is. But uncle Junior and Aunt Tani are going to come and stay with you for tonight and then were are going to figure it all out okay" Danny explains. Charlie nods and reaches out and hugs his dad.

"You promise you wont be gone for to long right". Danny nods and hugs the boy tigher.

"Not to long. And hey" Danny pulls back. "I will bring you back something from California".

"Like an action figure" Charlie asks excitedly.

"Yeah an action figure if thats what you want okay" Danny says and Charlie beams excitedly. The door opens and Charlie and Danny look at Grace as she stands in the door.

"Tani and Junior are here" she explains and Danny nods before turning his head.

"We have to go now buddy but we will be back before you know it" he says hugging his son again and giving him a kiss on his forehead. "I love you".

"I love you too Danno". Danny pull back, standing up and walking towards the door. Grace walks towards Charlie, kneeling down and giving him a hug. Danny watches the scene from the door with a smile on his face.

The front door opens and Tani and Junior walking in looking at Danny as he stands in the doorway. Danny nods his head at them and walks over towards them.

"What is going on Danny" Tani asks him.

"Yeah why are you going to California" Junior asks. Danny sighs.

"I dont know much yet" Danny starts and Junior and Tani are even more confused.

"Steve is there" Danny states and this causes Tani and Junior to look at each other confused. It had been 2 years since anyone had heard from Steve. They didnt know why he had called after all of this time but they werent suprised that the first person he called was Danny.

"Why is he is California" Tani asks. Danny shrugs.

"I dont know. All i know is that he is in hospital. That he's not hurt but that he needs me," and that made it all make sense. Tani and Junior knew that Danny would drop everything for Steve in the blink of an eye, without thinking twice and they also knew that Steve would never admit that he needed someone unless he really needed them.

"Do you know anything more" Tani asks and Danny shakes his head.

"No but i know what hospital he is at and I will ring as soon as i know something," and that was enough for Tani and Junior.

Grace closes the door behind her and the 3 older adults all look at her. "I got Charlie back to sleep telling him that if he went back to sleep that you two would make him pancakes in the morning" she explains and Danny laughs at his daughters bargining. Tani and Junior shake their heads with a grin on their faces.

"Well looks like we are going to have to put our cooking skill to the test tomorrow if we are going to make pancakes. We are going to have to beat Danny" Junior says. Tani laughs as Danny has his mouth open wide in shock.

"Hey you two can not beat Danno alright. Its impossible" Danny exclaims and the other 3 laugh.

"We will see. We'll have to get Charlie verdict in the morning then" Tani says and Danny holds his finger out at the pair.

"I will hold you to that".

Grace laughs grabbing the bags. "Dad we really should get going" she explains and then they are brought back to reality. The reality of why they are all here in the first place. Danny looks at her and nods. A knott starts growing in his stomach.

"Okay" he says simply before opening the door. Grace walks out past him and to the car and Danny turns to Tani and Junior.

"We will text when we land and call when we know something" he explains and they nod. Danny nods and them before turning and walking towards the car. He get in the front as Grace had put the bags in the back and turn the car on. As he drives out of the driveway he looks in the mirror seeing Tani and Junior waving goodbye to them. And for the first time that night, it finally hits him that he is leaving to see Steve. He is going to see Steve.

#mcdanno #hawaii 5 0 #hawaii five 0 #hawaii five o imagine #tani rey #junior reigns #charlie williams #grace williams #danny williams #steve mcgarrett

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kozmeek · 1 year

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cornelia

april 13, 2023 - 09:05

a few days ago i was overcharged for about three times to what is the supposed amount, i was told to keep a close watch on my email for any updates about it. so i waited and waited— until it went out of my mind only realising how long has it been today. i checked my email and i was welcomed by an error message saying that i will not be receiving any new emails until i clean shit. so that is that for waiting. damn it.

so i started cleaning my inbox, decluttering with every promotional emails, some shit i dont remember subscribing to, and all. but still it didnt make the cut so i had to go thru almost every shit. i had the time so i just went on with it.

emails from 2022 to today were filled with credit card statements, receipts, pretty much every notice about stuff that is normal to an adult, and some notification from the dating sites i was in showing me all the matches i had. late 2021 were mostly resumes that were sent thru my personal email back when i was in hr. hotel promos and all (i dont remember being sexually active during those times, and besides i have my own 2 storey apartment, not sure i was receiving those).

then come 2020 to 2019 emails. the emails were fucking crazy, it was like watching how my whole world revolved around one person during that time. saved notifications, apps we used to have, places we've been, pictures and all. letters that were written, letters that were left unsent. some things that i still remember to this day, and some things that i dont remember happening. it may sound dramatic as fuck, but im surprised with how quick i was able to delete those stuff, and not dwell in it. it took me quite a while to get out from that place, i dont ever wanna go back.

2018 was full of responses about the applications i sent for a job, shit. i even saw my resume when i was 18.

then finally emails from 2017-2016. the year i created that email, and this blog. having tumblr verification email for this blog as my first email. from there it showed every notification that was ever made thru this blog, new follows, asks, DMs from people, flirty exchange of asks from the girls i slept with—. everything—its all there. from the broke ass me to my current self.

i saw how my emails transition from making friends, in pursuit of a stable job, to the greatest love i was yet to have, to affirmation emails, and success. i thought tumblr has everything, completely unaware of what my email had kept. a chest full of memories, good and bad. memories i chose to forget, and ones i hold dear. safeguarded by my own neglect. i may or may not delete the content, i dont know yet. but yeah. today, i drowned in nostalgia and reminded me of the things that made me to who i am today.

i wonder how my older self would feel when he sees all of this shit in the future? lol. and if my future self will ever get to read this shit, ive got one thing to say: uhhh cant think of anything, really. lol. ure probably just gonna cringe over this shit. lol.

im going to sleep. good night!

#1 #2

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foreverfiction11691 · 1 year

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My Reality vs Your Reality

DEMENTIA=HELL

One of the hardest things Ive had to witness over the past few years was my gram battling dementia. Dementia really is a ones own personal hell. Imagine being trapped in your own reality and people telling you that what youre seeing isnt really, making you seem like the crazy one..when really its the brain literally lying to you. For the past few years weve been taking care of my gram and decided to place her in at home hospice care last year, since then her health has declined in the past few months. Imagine seeing someone a few weeks ago being able to walk without assistance and do other things without help and then suddenly no longer being able to do those things with help. Its absolutely heartbreaking and I dont wish what were going through on anybody. Ive never knew how bad dementia could be until I saw my gram have an psychiatric episode last week that lasted for 24hrs. It was so heartbreaking having to explain to her that what she was seeing wasnt real. Dementia is evil. It will literally take someone you love and turn them into a completely different person. The hardest part for me was watching her call a dog that didnt exist to show itself to us to prove that she wasnt crazy, even going as far as petting her comforter like it was a dog. So far gone into her reality and not understanding why we didnt understand her. I cant imagine what that must be like, seeing something and being told it doesnt exist and just being completely confused. The visons and hallucinations continue, no matter how many different meds they try. It really doesnt feel right lying to your loved one that you dont see what they see and that it doesnt exist, so we took a trip into her reality. The dog was found by its owner that came to our door, the cat was let outta the house, the people in the hallway left, the little girl on her bed.....I dunno about that one. Easter was Thanksgiving, its crazy how the brain can trick you into believing things because its literally dying, almost like having a bad trip but without the drugs. We, as a family have come to the difficult decision to put her into a facility, as she now requires 24 hr care and care that we can no longer provide. It doesnt feel right, but I do believe that my gram is her transitioning phase to end of life. They have taken her off of most of her meds now and are only giving what she needs for pain now. Im literally grieving someone who is still alive because of an evil, incurable disease. It doesnt feel right, but we know that we must do whats best for her and her safety. Shes the last remaining grandparent I have and at 93, I think shes lived a pretty damn good life, not to mention how many times shes cheated death, but we can only do that so many times. Death comes for all of us, whether were ready for it or not, I just want her to find peace and not suffer anymore, no more pain.

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thisdreamplace · 3 years

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ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

#eiypo

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honeypirate · 3 years

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You’re Lucky

Soulmate AU where they share a birthmark that is in the same shape and place.

Bokuto Koutarou x Fem!Reader

I’ve read through this a few times but I’m sure there are things I have missed while editing.

4k+ words

You stared at the mark in the reflection in the bathroom mirror. Steam filled the room from your particularly hot shower, your skin red and the mirror foggy except from the stripe down the middle you made with your hand which just had stripes of water beads on it. You sigh as you watch your reflection touch the owl shaped mark and trace it’s outlines. “A soulmate mark on my ribs, useless” you whisper as you leave your bathroom, steam shooting out the door when you open it.

“Hey y/n!” Yukie says as you come into morning practice, you wave at her as you pick up your shoes from the door “sorry i'm late!” you say and make your way over to her around the boys practicing, sending a glance in Bokuto’s direction and blushing when you find him already looking at you. You wave with your fingers and he grins before waving back “Up front!” Akaashi else yells, successfully getting Bo’s attention.

You were their third manager who was also a third year, you helped where you could but honestly you just loved volleyball. Your passion for the game was why the coach allowed another manager the same year as the other two when you joined your second year. The energy was intoxicating and you loved to watch the growth of the players. Plus it didn’t hurt that they were all so cute, especially Bokuto who has become your close friend. Your energies just matched perfectly and you always knew what to say to get him out of his depressive funks.

You were talking to the other managers about the training camp coming up the following week while the boys were cleaning up, the whole time Bo was watching, fire in his eyes and excitement when he heard your words about being able to come to the camp too. “HEy! You're going to come to the summer training camp right?!” he shouts when you exit the gym and you giggle “of course Bo! It’s so intoxicating to see your energy playing! AH I mean all your guys energy.. Everyone's energy. It’s really fun is all I mean!” this boy is so damn clueless it hurts but at the same time you were grateful he just kept on talking even after your rambling and flusters.

After practice and meetings you walk to the bus stop with Bokuto, Akaashi, Konoha, Yukie, and Kaori. After a very animated conversation about which soulmate mark was superior, you all agreed that a name on the wrist is so much better than thoughts in your head and tied with thoughts being written on your arm because that could be entertaining. The one you had, an hidden mark, was 8 on the list, and no one asked to know what yours was so you never told them. From this conversation you realized that no one cares about Bo’s either. The rest of them have very obvious ones, a birthmark on the face, words on arms, ones that told you that you weren’t theirs so you never brought any attention to it.

You’re on the bus sitting next to Yukie, with Bokuto and Akaashi behind you. You get a call from your mom and answer just in case it was an emergency “hey darling!” he voice was so loud that Bokuto behind you could hear the conversation “my friend from work said her son has a rib birth mark!” Bo’s ears perked up at that. “She did? Did she say what shape it was in?” he hears you mom squeal “she said it was in the shape of a lion! That’s yours, right honey?” you pinch the bridge of your nose and Bokuto can feel the sadness creeping in until you say “No mom. Mine is shaped like an owl” Bokuto’s face turns red as he stares at the back of your head as you get up to get off the bus at your stop, waving at the guys and mouthing “see you tomorrow” behind you as you continue your phone call.

An owl. Your soulmate had a matching rib mark that looks like an owl. He knows exactly who your soulmate is because that mark is very familiar to him, he’s been looking at the same mark every time he’s shirtless.

After that he talked to Akaashi about it and they came up with an idea to breach the subject without it being weird like he was creepily listening to your phone call. Since you were all going to the training camp in a few days he’ll just take off his shirt while you’re around, during a game he’ll pretend he’s too hot, then you’ll know too and he won’t be creepy. Perfect. Perfect except now he doesn’t know how to be around you, he already wants to run to you, hold you and never let you go. Now he has to keep this secret. He had Akaashi promise to keep him on track with the plan.

The next day was Friday and then the summer training camp on Monday. You showed up to practice in the morning and the moment you walk through the door Bokuto is right by you “good morning y/n!” He practically sings and you laugh “good morning Bo!” You say and pat his shoulder, he has way more energy than you have ever seen this early. He was smiling at you with a glint in his eye like he knew something you didn’t, which he did and he was dying to yell it from the rooftops but Akaashi comes up to him and drags him away whispering something you couldn’t hear.

All practice his eyes were on you, a smile on his lips, every time you would make eye contact he would beam at you so brightly your heart would skip as you smiled back and waved. The other managers asked if something was up but you just shrugged “there’s always something up with Bo. I just go with the flow”

At the end of practice the coach announced that because there is the training camp you could have the weekend off, you were so excited to be able to sleep in for once. “Hey do you wanna hang out tomorrow since we have the day free?” Bo whispers from behind you and Akaashi smacks his arm “hush it’ll be fine” Bo says to him and he rolls his eyes. You laugh “of course Bo! Wanna get lunch?” He nods enthusiastically and you chuckle “come over to my house at noon and we can go to that place you keep talking about” he beams “the new noodles place?! YES!” He shouts and the Coach glares at him, making you and him chuckle as you turn your attention back to the meeting.

The next morning you wake up naturally without an alarm which is something you haven’t done since you started school. You stretch out your arms and smile as you reach for your phone, opening it you see a few texts from Bo, opening them you start to chuckle. “Good morning beautiful!” Your heart flutters as you read the word beautiful, then you notice the time stamp of 7 am. He was up for two hours already. The following text said NOODLES!!!! In all caps and with four exclamations, you could feel his excitement through the letters. The last text that was received just thirty minutes ago said “wake up please I miss you!” Your heart skips again, he was always saying exactly what he meant and you loved it, but you knew it couldn’t be like this forever, he most likely had his own soulmate out there and when he finds them he won’t be like this anymore. You text him “good morning Bo! If you want to come over early feel free! I’m going to make some breakfast!” His text back is immediate “oh thank god! I’m already here” you laugh as you hear the doorbell and throw off your covers, excitedly running down to answer it.

“Bo bo bo b-bo-ku-to “ you sang as you made your way to the front door, you open it and grin up at the grey haired boy, before you could say anything he’s pulled you into a hug, his arms under yours and wrapped around your waist, his head buried into your neck. Your heart rate skips and your stomach flops like crazy, this was so much more intimate than any hug you’ve ever shared with him “H-hello Bokuto!” you say and he chuckles, his breath hitting your neck and giving you goosebumps “hello Y/N!” he basically whispers into your ear. You feel your face warm and you quickly pull yourself from his grasp, hiding your face as you turn to quickly walk into the kitchen “What do you feel like eating? I think we have ingredients for almost anything ha ha “ you say awkwardly as you retreat away from him, trying to calm your heart rate and breathing

After breakfast you head up to your room to get ready, it wasn’t new to have him hang out while you do your makeup, you would get dressed in the bathroom and then sit in front of the mirror on the floor while he connected to your speakers and played music or read a book you had on your bedside table. What made it different this time was the way he was watching you from his spot laying on your bed, a small smile on his lips as he played music and watched as you expertly lined your eyes, admiring how effortless you made it look. You feel his eyes on you and you quickly swipe blush across your cheeks and nose so it wasn’t obvious that you were blushing before making eye contact with him in your mirror, he winks with a grin and you chuckle and stick your tongue out at him.

“Noodles noodles noodles tasty tasty noodles” you were singing under your breath as you walked down the street to the restaurant, Bokuto was watching you from the corner of his eye, a smile on his lips from how adorable you are. He always thought you were special, always jealous of who your soulmate would turn out to be, had a crush on you since the very first day he met you when he yelled his signature heys and you returned them to him with the same energy. He adored you and he never would have admitted how hard he fell for you if he didnt know he was your soulmate.

“This was an amazing idea Bokuto!” you said as you take your first bite, he chuckles and nods enthusiastically, swallowing before saying “we are definitely becoming regulars here” you nod “oh yeah!” when you finished eating you just pushed your bowls aside and talked, talked about loads of things you never have before. Your families, your future plans, your favorite sleeping position. Just anything that came up, never running out of subjects. “Ice cream?” he asks and you nod “you are brilliant Bo this is why we are friends!” he laughs, his cheeks flushing as he stands quickly and takes your hand, pulling you up and not letting your hand go even as he starts walking.

After a few blocks, your conversion still flowing even as you focus on on the fact that his strong large hand was still holding yours in his, fingers laced together. “Hey Bokuto” you say as you get to the ice cream truck “yeah whats up? Do you want to share? I wouldn't mind it but feel free to get whatever you want, my treat” you chuckle “thanks bo, I will keep that in mind but uh.. I was wondering if you meant to be holding my hand still” his face flushes and he looks down at your hands together, to be honest he didn't do it on purpose, it just felt right and he didn't want to let go of your hand.

“I can let go if you want” he says, trying to fight the feeling of sadness he can feel coming on, he couldn't get sad at this because you wouldnt understand that he was sad that his soulmate didn't want to hold his hand. He wanted to stick to the plan he made with Akaashi. You chuckle softly and squeeze his hand “i'd rather you didn’t, actually” you say, stomach flipping as he beams at you after you say that, you squeeze his hand and he feels his heart rate skip.

You eat your ice cream as you walk around the city, your hands stay laced together, if you let go for any reason, you reach out for each other the moment you can hold hands again. Both drawn together. When the sun goes down you shiver, instinctually moving closer to him as you walked through the park “are you cold? Do you want my hoodie?” you shake your head “it’s okay, i'll be fine until we make it back to my house” he drops your hand and grabs his hood, pulling it from his body swiftly and then handing it to you, the look in his eyes saying”no, i will absolutely not be taking no as an answer” you chuckle and put it on, saying thanks from beneath the fabric as you slide your arms and head through the holes. You push the hood from your face and bury your face in the comfort of the neck, “you always smell so good Bokuto” his face blushes and he scratches his neck, reaching out for your hand and lacing your fingers together. “K-koutarou, you can call me Kou” he says and you smile, giving his hand a squeeze. “Then you can call me y/f/n as well. Do you wanna watch a movie in my room?” he nods “yes please! Wanna watch Ant Man? It’s so funny!” you laugh “of course! Then we might as well watch both, and if we’re going to do that then we should watch every marvel movie that has Ant Man in it!” he starts to jump on his toes “hey hey hey! We must be cut from the same cloth! You are a woman after my own heart!” you chuckle, trying to hide how flustered you feel, at some point this relationship will end when you both meet your soulmates, didn’t mean you couldn't have this one day though “makes sense that we get along then!” you say and he nods “yes, it really does” he says wistfully, like he was thinking of something he was longing for.

You watch Ant Man, then make some popcorn and watch Ant Man and the Wasp, then you watch Civil War, but before Ant Man even makes an appearance in that one you are falling asleep on his shoulder, hand still in his and your breath hitting his neck as you listen to the actors talk, your ears coming in and out of the sound as you fall deeper, your body pulsing with drowsiness and the last thing you remember is his soft chuckle and kiss to the side of your head.

Your alarm wakes you up at 6 and you groan “turn it off turn it off turn it off” a sleepy voice says besides you and you nod with your eyes closed before reaching over and hitting the button “sorry” you whisper, still half asleep as you roll over, burying your face into Bokuto’s chest and drifting back to sleep in the warmth of him.

When you wake up again he’s running his fingers across the back of your neck and arm, you are pressed into his chest and when you open your eyes you are greeted by his smiling face. Your cheeks flush bright red and you quickly roll off him and sit up “what happened?” you ask and he laughs “you fell asleep and I tried to leave after the movie but you had a death grip on my shirt and hand, i didn't want to wake you because you looked so cute” he laughs and you force a laugh out, feeling so awkward by the fact that it felt so good to be with him, and your cheeks flushing even darker at him calling you cute. “What time is it?” you ask and he sits up “uhh it’s 11:43” you laugh and feel a little of your awkward feelings disperse “i slept so good” he chuckles and stands, stretching his arms above his head and you pause, staring at the skin of his back that showed, toned muscles and dimples above his shorts waistband. “me too actually. I heard your parents leave for work so good thing we won't be getting in trouble today” he turns around, sending you a knowing look for catching you ogle him and you roll your eyes making him laugh.

You hide in the bathroom as you pull yourself together, this isn’t the first time he’s slept over but usually he sleeps on the floor from crashing out after a sugar high and movie marathons. Not cuddling you. Not making your goddamn heart beat out of your chest. Jeez what are you going to do? If this keeps up you don’t think you can continue being his friend, if you fall for him and he finds his soulmate it’ll rip your heart out. And if you find yours first you don’t want to hurt him. You’ll have to just keep your distance. You wash your face and brush your teeth and then exit the bathroom, your mood bland as you head back to talk to Bokuto.

“Hey Kou” his face brightens as you walk back in the room and you look down at the floor, your heart tensing and your stomach heavy like a brick as you finish your sentence “I uh I have to do some things today alone so uh I don’t think we can hang out too much today” the mood in the room shifts as he gets sad “ah that’s okay y/n. Don’t worry about it.” He clears his throat and comes over to you “see you tomorrow yeah? Yay training camp!” He fakes being happy but you see right through it, he feels like you do, sad to be without him and sad at your obvious terrible lie. He wraps his arms around you and you decide to make it a good one, a good last hug. You wrap your arms tight around his neck and press your face into his chest as he holds you tight.

You make it to the bus in the morning early and alone, usually you would have walked with Bokuto but today you sent him a lousy excuse as to why you wanted to walk alone. You sit in the middle row by Yukie, pulling up your hood over your face and putting in headphones so you could pretend to sleep and not have to talk to anyone, successfully ignoring Bokuto and putting a little more distance between you both.

“I don’t know what’s going on” Bokuto said to Akaashi as they were putting their stuff in their room for the week “we hung out Saturday and it was amazing and now she’s avoiding me and lying and it’s so obvious and sad because she doesn’t look in my eyes” Akaashi shakes his head “Bokuto just ask her” his eyes brighten at the idea and he takes off running through the door and out towards where he knew the girls room was.

“Hey guys!” He was breathing heavy and smiling as he appeared in your doorway, your back to him facing Yukie, you didn’t turn around or say anything you just retreated into yourself more. “Hey Bokuto what’s up?” Yukie says and chuckles “can I speak with y/n alone for a moment?” He says and the other girls nod and stand to leave. You feel your heart drop and your stomach rises to your throat.

You stand up and turn when Yukie leaves, closing the door behind her. You don't say anything, you just nervously play with your fingers as you look at the ground instead of at him. “Why are you avoiding me?” he asks, straight to the point. You clear your throat “Bokuto I.. . I don’t want to catch more feelings for you because I know when we find our soulmates it will be hard to let you go. So i think it will be best for us to spend time apart” the gears turn in his head, his heart hurt at you calling him Bokuto again but he’s happy too. You are distancing yourself because you have feelings for him already. Little did you know you were soulmates. He pulls you into a hug and sighs into your hair “as you wish” he whispers and then kisses the top of your head before quickly leaving your room without another word.

Bokuto realized he had to do it today, he couldn't wait any longer, he would wait until a few games go by then during lunch he would take off his shirt around you and you would know. Easy peasy. The first game goes by, then the second, you leave during the third for a managers meeting and to help make lunch and then finally, finally the third game is over and it’s time for lunch.

He whips off his shirt and colored vest and pants as he catches his breath, placing them over his neck as he places his hands on his knees as he breathes. You bring him over his water bottle “thank you Y/N” he winks and you blush and look away. He brings the bottle to his lips, exposing his birthmark as he drains it. You go to walk away from him but the mark catches your eye. You freeze and he notices, a smirk on his lips as he watches you. “Yo-your soulmate mark, is an owl?” you ask, your voice quiet and he nods “sure is! Do you like it?” he asks and runs his fingers across the mark. You clear your throat “uh.. Uh yeah. It’s cute. Real cool Kou” you are in mid panic, you just told him to stay away from you and now you think he’s your soulmate. How are you supposed to tell him now?! “Yn..?” he asks and before he can reach for you, you have turned to walk away fast “sorry Koutarou i gotta..” you don't finish your sentence you just run.

You run down the hallway to the very end and stop, the doors in front of you locked or you would have gone father. You place your palms against the door and lean down, trying to steady your breathing, and then whip up to look behind you as you hear feet running up. He has his hands outstretched, a look of concern on his face “what’s wrong?” he asks and you feel yourself start to hyperventilate “I.. I “ you can’t speak as you look into his eyes, your breaths uneven and panick. he comes up to you, taking your hand and placing it on his chest “hey hey hey, it’s okay. Breathe with me” you nod as overwhelmed tears fall from the corner of your eyes, his other free hand runs through your hair slowly, your other hand going up to rest beside your other as you look deep into his golden eyes. After a few minutes your breathing has matched with his, he reaches up and wipes away the stray tears on your cheeks “I’m sorry Kou I just got really overwhelmed. I just told you I wanted space but now you’re my soulmate. I didn’t know what to do” his cheeks flush “It’s okay love, I’m here with you” your eyes widen a little “did you know?” you whisper and he blushes and looks down sheepishly “I eavesdropped on your conversation with your mom on friday. I didn’t know how to bring it up so i thought i would wait until i could show you” you slap his shoulder “Koutarou! You should have told me immediately. God we could have had such an amazing weekend! But no! You let me kick you out!” he chuckles and falls to a knee “i’m sorry darling! Please forgive me” he kisses your knuckles and you blush “you’re lucky you’re cute” you say and he stands, pulling you into a hug as he laughs “I’m lucky you’re mine” you lean back and cup his cheek “you got that right” you grin before he dips down, pressing his lips to yours.

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #bokuto koutarou #kotaro bokuto #bokuto koutorou #haikyuu bokuto #bokuto x you #bokuto x y/n #bokuto x reader #koutarou x reader #koutarou x you #bokuto koutarou x you

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #me on the first post:#its not a liveblog!#me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one #i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time #and crowds my blog less #and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol #dp thoughts

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heyitsjay03 · 3 years

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Fighting For Tomorrow: Chapter Six

Disclaimer: Still haven’t bought AOT but I’m working on it!

AN: this. is a doozy of a chapter- i know. lots. and lots. and lots of words. but DAMN if i didnt love every part of it. however! if you guys prefer smaller chapters please please please dont hesitate to say something. seriously. id love to write you guys more frequent, smaller chapters but if you guys like the longass, slightly infrequent chapters then they shall continue. just say the word bby. also i felt kinda poetic in some of these sections so if you see reader gettin fancy with her verbage, don’t trip. that was my bad.

Reiner x Fem!Reader, eventual Captain Levi x Fem!Reader, Sasha x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 10k (i finished this at 2 am today before class and nearly passed out at the sight ‘10,008 words’ when i pulled up my word counter. CH-YOW this a big boy)

TW: gore/blood/violence/death, adult language/swearing, slight PTSD, mental anguish, self-harm, grief, nightmares, insomnia, hysterics, horse accident

You can read parts one, two, three, four, and five just by tapping the lovely numbers!

The flames crackle and rage before us, engulfing our comrades’ bodies in scarlet and gold waves.

Engulfing Marco’s body.

Jean had found him. Just… laying there. Up against a building. No one had seen him die, no one knew how he died, just that he did. Marco- our comrade, our friend... my friend- just gone. Taken from us. There was no valiant deed. There was no heroism. There was no triumphant story. Nothing. He just… died.

And that’s the worst part.

He was taken from us and no one knows how. No one knows why.

Marco was one of the first comrades I got close to. We were competitive- always fighting to outdo each other. I’d train two hours, he’d train three. He’d pass the ODM test after four tries, I’d pass it in three. Back and forth, back and forth.

But if we faced something bigger than us- if there was an exercise we couldn’t quite pin down, if there was another Cadet giving us problems, if one of our squad members were injured- we’d always come together to beat it. It was always like that.

He was like my little brother.

I scoff at myself. They all are like my younger siblings. Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Connie, even Annie and Bertholdt. They’re all family and losing Marco… it was like losing a brother.

I did lose a brother.

My brother is among the flames- being turned to ash before my eyes. Marco is gone. Taken from me. Robbed from me. From everyone. His intellect, his kindness, his leadership. All of it gone. Taken from humanity.

We’re just kids.

Marco was just a kid.

All of us- bright-eyed kids wanting to do our best for humanity. To take back what was stolen from us. To serve humanity. We didn’t know how much hate, how much horror was waiting for us. To watch our comrades- our family and friends- be torn apart in front of us. To lose the ones closest to us in unspeakable carnage.

All we wanted was to do something for humanity.

All Marco wanted was to do something for humanity.

He was just a kid.

Tears are streaming down my face as we all watch the flames consume the bodies of fallen soldiers. I can hear the crackling of wood, feel the heat on my skin. But the crackling is distant and the heat is faint. My chest feels empty and cold.

I lost Marco. I lost Hannah. I lost Franz.

And I’ll never get them back.

But I’ll be damned if I allow anyone else to be taken from me.

The Commander roars and rages before us, engulfing us in his words. They burn and singe like fire as they cross the Cadets’ ears. I can hear them whispering among themselves- asking if he’s serious or if he’s crazy or already resigning themselves to the Garrison.

It doesn’t matter what they say.

I’m joining the Scouts. Commander Erwin’s words are a comfort, a pleasant yet caveat warmth. Like a candle sitting beside a curtain. I know what I’m signing up for. I’ve always known. But it doesn’t mean I’ll be giving it all up now.

“I’ve made my decision.”

My eyes turn away from the Commander, landing on Reiner’s form beside me. His gaze is still stuck on the Commander, back straight and shoulders squared. I turn my gaze back to the Commander- not wanting to be chewed out by a commanding officer for not paying attention. “...really?” I ask quietly, “Where are you-?”

“The Scouts.”

My eyes are back on him. “What?” I hiss, “Reiner, you can’t... throw away your shot at the Military Police- you worked so hard, why would you-?”

“Eren was right,” he says quietly. I can feel his chest fill with breath before he chuckles. “They don’t need our skills so far away from the walls. They need us where we’re at use- where the people are.”

“Rei, please, please,” I whisper, “Please don’t do this.”

“Why not?” Reiner chuckles again, “You want me gone?”

“It’s not like that,” I shoot back, “I just…”

“You just what?”

“...I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“...you won’t.”

“You can’t know that… I’m already worried about Eren and Armin and Mikasa- if I have to worry about anyone else-”

“You don’t need to worry about me, darling… Because we’re going to get through this,” I can feel his finger graze the side of my hand before his hand takes mine. “Together.”

A shaky exhale leaves my mouth as I close my eyes. “...together,” I whisper as shivers run down my spine.

“That’s right, darling.”

“...those who wish to join other divisions are dismissed.”

Shuffles of feet scurry past me as I remain. I can feel their gazes, their judging glares and confused looks. They mumble to themselves. ‘Insane’, ‘crackpots’, ‘suicidal’, ‘deathwish’. Nervously, I swallow and grip Reiner’s hand tighter.

I can feel his smile. Proud and bright like the sun. Warming like the sun. Relaxation smoothes out over my skin as I soak it in.

I’ve done it. Finally. After years of fighting and hoping and wishing and dreaming about this very moment, I’m here.

The crowd clears out and a scattering of us remains. My eyes dart to each of the figures in the hopes of identifying my fellow crackpots.

Reiner. Armin. Mikasa. Bertholdt. Ymir. Christa. Sas-

My heart stops.

Sasha. Connie. Jean.

What the Hell are they doing here?! They were supposed to join the Military Police. They were going to, weren’t they?! Why are they still here?! Why aren’t they walking away?

At the very base of my stomach, something churns. Quickly and violently.

I think I’m gonna be sick.

I’m already going to be looking out for Armin, Eren, and Mikasa- I came to accept that long ago- but now Sasha? And Reiner? Connie and Jean, too?

Most of everyone I’ve ever loved has just signed their hearts and bodies away to the Scouts- to nearly certain death.

There has to be a way to change their minds, right? There has to be.

...but there isn’t, is there?

They heard the statistics. They know how many have died in the Scouts. They know all the facts, all the dirtiest of details.

And they stayed.

Gods, why did they stay?

I’ll drag each of them out of here by their ears, kicking and screaming, if I have to. I already lost Marco and Hanna and Franz. I don’t think I could take losing them, too.

But if they truly want to- if they know the risk and want to dedicate their hearts just like I am… why would I stop them?

I should be proud.

They’re- we all are- dedicating ourselves to the better future humanity deserves. To the eradication of Titans. To the freedom we all hunger for.

“Very well!” Commander Erwin’s voice booms out over us. “I welcome you- the newest recruits of the Scout Regiment!” His fist slams against his chest in a tight salute, “This is my real salute! Dedicate your hearts to the cause!”

The group moves as one as we all strike our fists to our chests.

My eyes glide from the Commander to Sasha once more.

She’s shaking. I can hear her stifled sobs from here.

But she remains firm in her spot.

She’s made her decision.

And I can accept that.

I lay awake. Moonlight flickers through the window- inching towards the other side of the room. It’s late and I’m exhausted but even when I am, I can’t sleep. There’s too much screaming in my head. Too much gore. Too much carnage that I can only barely remember. The only things that do remember are my heart and lungs- hammering and pounding and stretching to the fullest in the wake of whatever nightmare slinked back into the recesses of my mind.

Reiner stirs in his sleep and wraps his arms around my waist. Tucking me into him, he sighs and buries his head into my neck. “...can’t sleep?” he mumbles. His voice is deep. Deeper than usual, with a gentle rumble to it.

“No,” I whisper back, shrinking into him.

“Wanna talk about it?”

I stay silent. No. No, I really, really, really, really don’t want to. Talking about whatever bothers me is like pulling teeth. It feels like a burden that I’m casting onto someone else. And with Reiner… he’s burdened enough already. He’s everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s confidant. He shoulders responsibilities and punishments for others- never once thinking about himself.

But he’s exhausted. All the time, exhausted. And he’s so good at hiding it. Even around me. But I can see it. The way his golden eyes go hazy at times, the way his shoulders sag and the way things slip his mind. The way he can become an entirely different person with terrifying speed.

It scares me how much I think he carries. Because when he breaks… it’ll be cataclysmic.

Reiner’s lips slide up my shoulder and neck, pressing gentle kisses against my skin. “...well?”

But maybe he’ll open up to me if I take the step first. Maybe I’ll show him that there’s nothing to worry about- that I’m not going anywhere and that he can talk to me about anything. Everything.

“...I’ve… I’ve been having nightmares.”

His kisses stop where they are, lips still pressed to my skin for a moment before pulling away. His grip on me gets tighter as he pulls me closer. Reiner lets his head rest in the crook of my neck and sighs. “...what about?”

I laugh quietly, letting my fingers trail against his forearm. “...I don’t remember most of them but… there is one that comes back… every now and then.”

“I’m listening, darling.”

Slowly, I take a breath. My eyes close as I remember the details of the dream. “...it always starts off the same… I’m in a throne room and there’s a person at my feet. Sometimes… it’s a woman and other times it’s a man and other times, I can’t tell which, but… there’s always someone at my feet,”

“And they’re always crying,” I whisper, eyebrows drawing together and I grip his forearm. “Sobbing and pleading for mercy. A-...And I…” My voice quivers as tears start to flow from my eyes. “I… just… I don’t even know, I just… I see this… light- red light- come from their eyes and they just… they convulse and thrash around for a moment- screaming and crying and begging- before… before they…,”

“...before they die at my feet,” I whisper brokenly, eyes open and staring out into the distance as the scene replays. “And when they finally die… I look up… and there’s… corpses. Thousands upon thousands of corpses, Rei… All piled up on top of each other and in writhing rigidity. As far as I could see- there were bodies- and… and somehow I know that… that I… I had… somehow I know that I was the one that killed them all.”

“I’m your squad leader, Ness,” the man before us states before clapping a hand onto the horse towering beside him. “And this! Is my horse, Chalet…”

My eyes drift away from him, blankly settling on the various horses in their stalls behind me. I’ve tuned him out… I should probably listen to whatever he has to say. But… I’m so tired. Another night of staring at the ceiling while listening to Reiner snore and watching Bertholdt contort himself into a coil across the room.

I don’t know how many sleepless nights I have left.

My body lurches forward slightly as someone nudges me from behind. I turn to face whoever it was. Jean is towering over me with a smirk on his face as he pretends to be watching Squad Leader Ness. “...what the hell was that for?” I mutter, facing forward.

“You were falling asleep again,” he chuckles quietly, “Another… late night?”

I scoff and shake my head, “You’re a child.”

“You didn’t say ‘no’.”

“No, Jean,” I hiss, “I just… couldn’t sleep.”

I can feel him deflate slightly behind me. “...oh…”

“Yeah.”

“...I get them, too.”

“I really hope you don’t.”

Connie, standing beside me, scoots closer. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

Jean answers at the same time as I do. “Sex.”

“Food.”

Connie’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he risks a glance at me. “...huh?”

I sigh and roll my eyes, “We were talking about-”

“Did someone say ‘food’?” Sasha whispers excitedly behind me.

I sigh and roll my eyes again. “You three are-”

“Hilarious.”

“Your favorites.”

“Really hungry.”

Groaning softly, I shake my head at their responses. “Gods… I thought Armin, Eren, and Mikasa were a lot… then I had to get you knuckleheads thrown in, too.”

“Now!” Ness states, looking significantly more disheveled than he did a few minutes ago. Adjusting the bandana around his head, he huffs and stands up straight. “Follow me and I’ll show you to your dorms- and then you’ll be introduced to your horses.”

He walks off, leading us between the stables and the looming walls of the castle. My eyes trail up the crumbling stone- plants and vines and flowers managing their way through the cracks- and over the rolling hills dotted with trees. Sunlight floods the stone courtyard, basking us all in its warmth.

It reminds me of home.

Not Shiganshina- but of the modest cottage in the forest. I smile to myself, watching Sasha bother Jean with Connie’s help just in front of me. I remember playing with her in the trees. We made and marked that forest. There isn’t a tree in that entire forest we haven’t carved up with arrows and knives or with the undersides of our shoes as we climbed their roots and limbs. Sasha would be afraid at first- of foxes or wolves or falling or tripping. But as soon as I took her hand and led her to the sunlight, to the tops of the trees, to the very breath of the sky… she’d always hunger for more. To go to the brightest spot in the forest, to climb the highest tree, to scale the steepest cliff.

My smile starts to fade slightly.

She’s even more afraid than she used to be… did I cause that? Does she even remember? She was young when I left… Does she remember when she scraped her knee and told her that she was now one with the forest- that its blood was in her and her blood in it? Does she remember that first tree we climbed together? Does she remember the nights we would run barefoot around the dew-covered clearings in the heart of the woods with no light to guide us except that of the moon? Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

Will we ever get to go back…?

The group stops. Ness smiles at us and points down the hallway to our left. “Down this hallway are the boys’ rooms,” he points to the hallway to our right. “And down this one is the girls’.” He chuckles and turns back to us. “There is… one other thing.”

Uh oh.

“There’s only one bathroom.”

I stifle a groan. It’s a goddamn castle. How in the walls is that even possible- one bathroom, my ass.

“Well… only one that’s in good enough shape to be used, anyway. ‘sides the officers’ bathroom...” Ness admits, a sheepish smile growing on his lips as he rubs the back of his head. “You’re welcome to fix up the other ones, though! ...although, I think you’d need help…” Ness continues muttering more to himself than anyone else.

One bathroom. Unbelievable. I growl under my breath as Ness marches us back out into the courtyard. You’d think Captain Shortstack would be all over the renovations of this place- bathrooms included.

Whatever. It’s not like I shower when everyone else does, anyway. There’s always a possibility I could sneak into the officers’ bathroom like when we were in training… And there was that river...

“I can see you already coming up with a plan,” Sasha appears next to me, lowering her voice. “What’re ya thinkin’?”

I laugh softly, nudging her arm with my elbow. “Nothing regarding food.”

Sasha pouts slightly, “Fine… then what’re ya thinkin’ about?”

“Just plannin’ my way into the officers’ bathroom.”

“Oooh,” Sasha laughs maliciously. “Do you think they’ll have hot water?”

I sigh, closing my eyes and imagining the steam and feel of hot water cascading down my body. Hot water was a privilege in the Cadet Corps. ...one that was constantly being robbed from me. I’d mostly show up after everyone had already showered, praying that maybe I’d have even a moment to myself to unwind- and to not be stared at. And nearly every time, I bathed in freezing cold water. But there were a few times where I’d be wrapped in steam, delicate streams of hot water warming my frigid body.

...now that I think about it, those ‘few times’ were whenever Reiner would wake me up early to get in the shower before everyone else.

“Gods,” I mumble, looking at Reiner as he walks with Bertholdt and Annie. “I really hope so, ‘tato-muncher.”

As if he felt my gaze on him, Reiner turns around and smiles. I return the smile with a scrunch of my nose. Reiner’s eyes glide behind me for a second, returning to me before darting back behind me. I turn around to follow his gaze.

Eren.

Eren runs straight for us, green cape flaring out behind him as he charges towards the group. Our eyes meet and his pace increases. My hand latches onto Sasha’s sleeve and tugs, “‘Tato! ‘Tato, look!” I laugh, slapping Connie’s shoulder. “Look who it is!”

Connie and Sasha turn around and I can hear the others turn along with them. Armin and Mikasa greet him first, taking him into their arms and speaking quietly amongst themselves for a moment. When they break away, Eren’s smile widens as he looks over us.

“...you’re all here?” he asks quietly, smile slightly fading. “You all joined the Scouts?”

“Well, yeah,” I laugh, “Why else would we be here- shits ‘nd giggles?”

Eren rolls his eyes before scanning over us again. “Wait… if you’re all here… That means Jean, Marco, and Annie all joined the Military Police.”

My heart plummets like a rock into my stomach. That’s right. He wasn’t there for the funeral. He doesn’t know.

The remaining section of our group walks up behind Eren- Jean leading them all. Eren turns around and groans. “Not you, too.”

Jean doesn’t react. His face unreadable and voice flat, he rips the bandage off. “Marco’s dead.”

“...what?” Eren mumbles, “What did you just… What’d you just say? Did you say Marco died?”

Jean’s voice stays still as he continues.

“Seems like not everyone can die a dramatic death.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” I laugh, picking up a section of hay and starting back towards the stable. “We know everyone, every thing’s position in the formation except Eren’s- arguably the most volatile and important piece of information to have. That isn’t the least bit confusing to you?”

Reiner shrugs, taking the hay from my hands. “Dunno… I haven’t really thought about it.”

I huff and shake my head, stepping in front of him and taking the hay back. “I can carry it,” I mutter, looking at the ridges growing in his face. “And by the look on your face, you have been thinking about it.” I turn around, lifting the hay over the stable door and onto the growing pile just beside my horse.

My horse nudges me with his nose, huffing. I smile and rub my hand up and down his nose, “...needy, aren’t we?” I whisper softly.

“Ya gonna give him a name?” Reiner asks, patting his hand against the horse’s neck.

Peeking down under the horse’s neck, I squint up at him. “You didn’t answer me.”

Reiner rolls his eyes and walks away, sighing. “You didn’t ask anything.”

“I asked if you were thinking about why we weren’t being filled in on Eren’s location in the formation.”

“Technically, you didn’t ask,” he shoots back.

My eyes lock with his in an intense stare. “...we really gonna do this right now?” I ask quietly, still petting my horse.

Reiner sighs and looks away, running a hand through his hair. I turn back to my horse, letting my forehead rest against his cheek. Reiner sighs again. The three of us stand in silence- only my horse breaking the silence with occasional huffs and flicks of his tail.

“...I have been thinking about it,” Reiner finally mumbles. “But… not like you have.”

Here we go again with him being all cryptic and skittish and avoidant. I am so sick of this game.

“Then how have you been thinking about it, Reiner?” I hiss, lifting my head off my horse and looking into his large grey eye. “All the time- just when I think you’re gonna open up to me about what’s going on in that…” I sigh frustratedly, “That… that… stupid, thick, adorable, blond head’a yours you just… you shut me back out again. And it’s so goddamn irritating, Rei,” I admit with a slight squeak in my voice.

Slowly, I turn to face him, gaze dropping down to the ground. “...I’ve been… I’ve been so open with you. More open than I have with anyone in my whole life- except, I dunno... Sasha- but I just… It’d be nice to have some’a that returned.”

I can hear him get closer to me. Gently, his arms wrap around me and tuck me into his chest. I’m swallowed in his embrace as he runs his fingers up and down my back. “...okay,” he whispers, “okay, darling… I’ll… I’ll try and open up to you, okay? I’ll…” he trails off and sighs, tightening his hold on me as he places his chin on the top of my head.

“I know how hard it is, and… I… I’m not trying to force it out of you or anything… I just… I want to help you,” I whisper quietly. “And I promise you, Rei...I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a coldness in his laugh. It leaves his lips like ice and falls to the floor like daggers. “Thank you, darling. Just…,” Reiner takes my shoulders, pushing us apart. His gold eyes have slightly lost their luster as they peer deep into me. I squirm slightly in his stare, eyebrows furrowing. “You have to understand that there is a lot happening- something... bigger, darling.”

I blink and tilt my head slightly to the side. “Did you… did you get another assignment?” I ask quietly, “Something under the table?”

Reiner is quiet for a moment, eyes flicking between mine. “...yes. Something under the table- from people higher than the Captain.”

My eyes widen slightly. Is this what’s been weighing on him for so long? That’s why he’s been missing at times? What he’s been trying to tell me? Another assignment that he can’t talk about, even with me-

Oh gods.

I feel like a total ass.

“Who…?” I ask quietly, taking note of the way he straightens up to scan around us before shrinking back down.

Reiner scoots us back, tucking me up against the stable door. “I… I can’t tell you but… you understand that, right, darling?” He asks hopefully, a small lilt to his voice. Gently, his fingers trail my face and a small smile crosses my face. His lips mirror mine.

“I understand that, love,” I hum, leaning into his touch. “I do… I do have another question.”

Reiner smiles wider, lovingly staring down at me. “What is it, darling?”

Nervous claws at my stomach.

I shouldn’t ask this.

Why? He’s finally being open with me- willing to at least tell me what’s wrong. Shouldn’t I-

No. There’s something bigger here. Don’t. Ask.

“__________?”

I swallow my fear and meet his gaze. “...I heard you the night after the first clean-up operation,” I admit quietly, “with Annie and Bertholdt.”

Reiner’s eyes darken, dropping down and avoiding my gaze. “...how much did you...?”

“Not much,” I laugh nervously, “Just you guys arguing about telling me… and Annie saying to only tell me when you’re sure of how I’d feel.”

With a sigh of relief, he closes his eyes and smiles. He quickly presses his lips to my forehead. “Okay, okay… Okay… Sorry, I just… I don’t need t’get... chewed out for that.” I chuckle softly, “So… that big’a deal, huh?”

Reiner laughs, “Yes. That big of’a deal.”

“...so… it’s you, Annie, and Bertholdt,” I mumble, picking at the leather strap running down his chest. “Anyone else that I know?”

“No, just us three.”

“Am… am I in danger?” I ask jokingly, “All this secrecy- it makes me wonder.”

Reiner doesn’t laugh with me.

“Rei?” I call, looking up at him. “...am I?”

His eyes slide down to me, a small smile on his lips. “...stick with me, darling- I’ll keep ya safe.”

“...what?”

“There’s a lot at work here, __________,” Reiner sighs, his eyes going hazy for a second as he relives whatever is ‘at work’. Blinking, he focuses back on me. “But I can keep you safe. I’ve been keeping you safe.”

What does this even mean? Are there people I can’t trust? If that’s true, then what? What am I supposed to do? Be some tiny little doll cowering in fear behind him? I hate being treated like some weak, fragile, defenseless thing. And what if he gets hurt protecting me? What then? What if something goes wrong and he ends up being blamed for something he didn’t do?

And what about Sasha?

“...what about my sister? What about her? Who’s gonna keep her safe?” I ask, clutching the fabric covering his chest, “If anything happens to Sasha, I…”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to Sasha,” Reiner hums quietly, “We’re gonna keep her safe.”

“And Eren? Mikasa? Armin? What about the boys? If any of them get hurt, Rei, I just… I don’t think I could…”

“__________,” he says firmly, catching my attention. Slowly, my eyes slide up to meet his again. They’re gentle and glowing in the fading sunlight. His hand trails down my face again, leaving a buzzing wake behind it.

“You need to trust me.”

I swallow and nod quickly. “Okay, yes, okay… Okay, you’re right. We… We are all gonna be okay.”

Reiner chuckles and lets his chin rest on the top of my head as he tucks me into his chest again.

“That’s my girl.”

“Oiii!” I yell, waving a hand over my head. “Ponytail!”

Eld’s head starts swiveling around, looking for whoever called him. With a gentle kick of my horse, he trots closer. “Eld!” I call again, sliding off the side of my horse. My feet hit the dirt just in front of him as I straighten up, shaking a few stray hairs out of my eyes. “It’s good to see ya again.”

Eld smiles and chuckles, gesturing down to the emerald green cape around my shoulders. “So you made it.”

I look down and rub the fabric between my fingers. A smile crosses my face as I look back up to him. “Just like I dreamed I would.”

“You’re in pretty high spirits,” Oluo scoffs as he walks by with a supply box. Setting it down into a wagon, he huffs and turns to face us. “Considering we’ll all be facing death in a few hours.”

“Always the charmer, huh?” I mutter quietly, earning a small laugh from Eld. “And if you have t’know, I’m just happy we’re one step closer to going outside the walls…” I smile to myself, imagining the places Armin used to talk about. Fire water, ice hills, saltwater that goes on for so long even the merchants couldn’t drain all the salt from it.

I think that’ll be my favorite. ‘Sea’.

Oluo scoffs again. “Bright-eyed, suicidal recruit… Just don’t get someone else killed, will ya?”

“What the hell’s that supposed t’mean?” I snap back.

Oluo smiles crookedly, realisation splitting his face like a piece of china. “Struck a nerve, huh?,” he laughs, “Better get rid of those if you wanna make it.”

“Bold talk for someone that’s too insecure to keep his own personality,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. I turn my attention back to Eld- who’s gone awfully quiet as the two of us went at it. A blush is back on his cheeks and I can see him fidgeting with his gaze in an effort to mind his own business.

“...uhm…” He mumbles as his eyes catch someone walking behind me. “This is Petra!” Eld blurts, tugging a woman by the arm. “The one that checked on you when you were, uh… asleep.”

“In a coma, more like,” I laugh, dipping my head to the woman. She has ginger hair cut just above her shoulders and soft, kind eyes. There’s something about her that reminds me so much of a deer for some reason.

Petra’s eyes suddenly light up as she looks over me again. “I remember you- you’re __________! I didn’t know you had your heart set on the Scouts. Which is surprising… considering how much Eld talks about you.”

Eld’s face goes even redder. He stands rigidly, eyes fixated on the horizon.

...I think he just went into shock.

“Well, thank you,” I hum, giving Petra another smile. “For checking in on me.”

Petra shakes her head, “It wasn’t any issue at all.”

I dip my head again and lightly punch Eld’s shoulder. “Hopefully you told her the story of how I kicked your and Oluo’s asses.”

Petra tilts her head slightly to the side before a wicked smile crosses her lips. “...I don’t think I’ve heard that one, __________. Please, tell me.”

“Well, I was walking down an alleyway when-”

“That’s good!” Eld suddenly yelps, “Thank you so much, __________, for stopping by, but the Captain’s calling us!”

Petra giggles as Eld walks behind her, pushing her by the shoulders. Captain Shortstack Jackass is watching them with his arms crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed. He very obviously didn’t call either of them. “You’ll have to tell me when we get back!” Petra calls.

“Of course!” I laugh, watching as Eld goes even redder. Petra waves over his shoulder and I do the same before mounting my horse. I give his neck a gentle pat and urge him forward- back towards the stable.

“You... need a name, Horse,” I mutter as we trot past the various wagons and other Scouts getting their horses and gear ready. “All horses have names… I guess.”

Horse huffs at me.

“Well… you’re…” I look down at his coat as we start to pick up speed. It shimmers in the sunlight, revealing the faint speckles of black and grey under his cream-colored coat. “You’re cream and you’ve got freckles. And last I checked, you have grey-” Horse looks over slightly at me, light-brown eyes glistening. “Sorry… brown eyes. And black mane and tail.”

My eyes flick up, locking onto the figure standing just a few feet in front of my horse. Gripping the reins, I tug back to stop Horse from trampling whoever is in front of me. Instead, I feel myself being shot forward and colliding with the ground. Pain shoots out from my arm, branching out in heated flashes.

I roll onto my back and stare up at the clouds as they lazily float by. “Gods…” I mutter to myself, “That sucked.”

“Told you I’m better at handling horses than you.”

I sit straight up. My head on a swivel, I look around for the voice. It sounded just like… It couldn’t have been- no. No, I’m just-

My eyes land on him. Standing just a couple feet away, with a green Scouts cape on over his shoulders and ODM gear strapped on. He laughs, walking closer and shaking his head. “Jeez, __________, you’ll really get yourself killed if you keep trying to keep up with me.”

“Freckles?” I whisper.

Marco smiles and laughs again, “Really hit your head hard, didn’t you?”

“Freckles?” I whisper again, reaching out to touch him.

This isn’t real. It can’t be real. He’s dead. Bit in half. Died alone. Left in the sun to rot for days. He’s dead.

“Ah, jeez, you really did hit your head hard,” Marco mumbles, crouching down beside me. “We gotta get you to Sasha. She’s got some experience with injuries, doesn’t she…? And I won’t even tell Reiner! It’ll just be between us, okay?” He asks, worriedly scanning my face.

“Freckles, you… You… You aren’t here.”

“What are ya talkin’ about? I’m right here, remember? We were practicing horseback riding and maneuvering. Don’t you remember the bet we had?”

Wait a moment.

This was real.

This… this happened already, why am I…?

“...it was my haul from the Commandant’s office,” I whisper, “The… the fountain pen. You’d… you’d take it if I couldn’t pull off a sharp turn and activate my ODM gear while jumping off my horse.”

Tears start to cloud my vision as I stare up at him. “You aren’t really here,” I croak, “Are you?”

Marco shakes his head.

“...I miss you, Freckles,” I smile, tears slipping down my face as I look up at him. My hand brushes through his cheek- like he was a colored mist- but his smile remains. “Gods, I miss you.”

“You’ll see us again.”

I nod, feeling my tears start down the sides of my face. “...tell Franz and Hanna I said ‘hi’.”

“I will.”

“And you… you stay outta trouble, you hear me?” I laugh, tears choking me at the base of my chest.

“You’re the one that needs to stay outta trouble.”

I nod and laugh again, shaking my head.

“...take… take care’a the others for me, will you?” I nod silently. Marco looks up as Horse trots closer. “It’s time for me to go. Just… close your eyes, okay?”

My eyes slide closed before voices start to swarm around me. Bleeding into one another, it makes it so damned hard to hear what anyone is actually saying. All I can do is feel.

And someone’s got me by the shoulders, shaking me pretty damned hard.

I open my eyes to see familiar faces. “...I’ve got to stop waking up to you guys looking down at me like I’ve died.”

The four of them sigh.

“If you die because of a stupid horse incident, I’ll never forgive you,” Jean mutters, getting to his feet and walking away. I can hear him muttering about ‘how stupid’ of a funeral that would be.

“What?” I laugh, wincing at the pain shooting from above my left eye. My fingers graze the spot- only to pull away with a scarlet coloring.

Ah, shit.

“So,” Reiner grumbles, scooping me off the ground effortlessly. “You and your horse have a bit of an issue?”

I scoff, curling into myself as my head starts to pound.

“No?” He asks as we walk towards the castle. “Then what the Hell kind of stunt were you tryin’a pull?”

“I-,” I stop and groan, clutching my temples as they begin to sear. “I… I thought… I thought I saw someone.”

Reiner looks down at me as he pushes the castle door open with his back. Eyebrows furrowed, eyes flicking over every inch of me. It’s the same damn look as every other time I’ve gotten hurt. Which… arguably… is a lot of times.

The ODM incident where I almost cracked my skull open on a tree branch.

The time I slipped and fell in the bathroom.

The sparring training where I cracked three of my ribs. And my arm. And dislocated my shoulder. All because I wouldn’t yield.

The rooftop.

The grocery store.

Various little minor accidents scattered throughout.

And now this.

We round the corner and he places me onto a bed. I watch as he runs a hand down my face and sticks his head out the hallway to look around before returning to my side. Reiner sighs. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Love me,” I hum, closing my eyes slightly as the pain throbs and squirms beneath my skin. “Unconditionally.”

“Gods,” he mutters, scooting closer. “I probably will.”

“Probably?” I ask quietly. “Not ‘most definitely’?”

A deep sigh passes his lips. It rumbles in his chest like thunder. Calming, soothing, gentle thunder. Memories of the forest running to find shelter as another storm took us by surprise. Bare feet padding the grass. Clothes sticking to our skins. Hair plastered to our faces- much like our smiles. Wiping her face as she ducks behind my arm. Telling her that the forest was telling the sky a joke, that the thunder was the sky’s laughter. Watching her peek out to watch the forest and sky talk, laughing as she swears she heard the punchline.

Does she remember what it was like to not be afraid?

“Hey,” Rei mutters, shaking my arm slightly. “Don’t go to sleep on me yet.”

“...sorry,” I mumble, opening my eyes and letting them glide to his spot beside me. “Where is she-”

The door slams open. Sasha- with eyes wide and clutching medical supplies to her chest- pants in the doorway. “Did I make it?” She asks wearily.

“Did…,” I trail off, sitting up to look at her. “Did you think I died?”

Sasha shakes her head, kicking the door closed just as Connie and Jean try to walk in behind her. “No,” she mutters. Plopping down beside me, she looks over me. “Just thought maybe you’d passed out.”

“Check my eyes,” I remind her. Sasha nods and leans in, forcing open my eyes with her fingers.

“...your eye-holes seem to be fine.”

“...my pupils?”

“Eye-holes. Same thing.”

I know Sasha’s joking but by the look on Reiner’s face, he does not.

“She’s only kidding, love,” I whisper as I take his hand. “She knows the basics.”

“Yep,” Sasha agrees, digging through the pile of medical supplies she brought in. “And you don’t have a concussion- and that thing on your head doesn’t need stitches- it should heal in a week or so... so you’re good to go after I clean it… ha!” She snatches a bottle of saline and a bandage. “You’ll be all good in no time, __________. Trust me.”

I’m the one that taught her. Why don’t I trust her?

“You awake?”

I focus back in on the now. The present. My surroundings.

Scattered trees and hills to the right. Denser trees on my left. Two horses trailing behind me. No flares from either direction. Reiner just in front of me.

“Always am.”

“Good.” He starts to pull back on his horse, levelling off with me. “How’s your head?”

Instinctively, I reach up and graze the bandage. “I don’t feel anything.”

“Good.”

“...are you okay?” I ask, looking over at him. His skin is pale and flushed pink with a slight tinge to his ears. “Here. Drink some.” Unbuckling my flask, I hand it to him.

...and he downs the entire thing before handing it back to me.

“Rei, are you sick?”

“No, I just-”

“Well, love, you look like you’re either about to shit yourself or vomit,” I laugh worriedly, “Are you sure?”

“__________, listen, I…,” he sighs and looks away. He’s even more red now.

I nudge him with my elbow. “I’m listening.” I smirk, stirrupping Horse again. My eyes turn to the horizon, scanning for any flares or anything that approaches us.

Reiner returns my smile and sighs shakily. “I wanna-”

Something appears in the distance. “What is that?” I mumble, staring at the thing. “Do you see it?” I point. “That.”

Reiner looks at the thing, squinting. “I… I can’t tell.”

“Should we fire a flare off?” I ask, reaching to my saddlebag. “Just in case?”

“Just… hang on-”

He stops just as the thing changes form, moving closer towards us and faster.

It takes shape as it grows. Fourteen meters, blonde hair.

Female body type.

My hands move on their own- throwing the canister into the gun, lifting it straight up, and firing. Red smoke fires out from the gun into the clouds. “Rei, we have to move!” I yell, turning the horses in towards the center of the formation.

I look over my shoulder, watching the two horses trail after Reiner. He stays going forward, heading right for it with glazed eyes. “Reiner!”

My eyes follow his gaze as I bring Horse to a stop. They land on the Female Titan, who snatches something from mid-air and dropkicks it. Blood trails after the broken body and I watch ODM wires disconnect from the Female Titan’s body- following the body.

It’s… is it like Eren? A person inside it?

“Reiner!” I scream again.

It gets his attention. Snapping out of his daze, Reiner makes a sharp turn.

As he gets closer, I press my heels into Horse’s sides. “Ha!”

Footsteps follow after us, thundering and quivering the very organs inside of me. My breath catches in my lungs as I feel it- her- getting closer. Gods. Gods, please. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this. Not like this.

Something flashes at my side. With trembling force, a foot lands beside me- crushing one of the horses before it could even make a sound.

We’re going to die. Right now, we are going to die.

I wince, waiting for her to reach down and crush me in her hand. Reiner yells something but it’s lost in the frantic whinnies of our horses, the pounding of my heart, the panting of my lungs. When it reaches me, it’s blurred together like the colors in my eyes.

‘I’ve gotten hurt’ is what it sounds like.

Gods, please. Spare us.

My fists clutch the reins as I look up. Blonde hair, blue eyes, fourteen meters. This is what will kill me.

The Female Titan’s other foot collides with the earth beside me. All at once, sounds and colors and shapes retract into their determined forms. Everything flushes back into focus as the Female Titan takes another step away from us. I watch as she continues sprinting towards the center- leaving us in her wake. Her head turns to look over her shoulder before she presses forward.

Right to Armin.

“Rei!” I yell, sticking Horse again. “She’s gonna hit Armin! She’s headed right for him!”

“C’mon!” He yells back, appearing at my side.

“This is the job we chose, right?” Jean snaps, “So lend me a hand!”

The rest of us are silent. Only hoofbeats and footsteps resound around us. Silently, Armin pulls his hood up over his head. “...pull your hoods up. Over your heads- far down enough so she can’t see your face.”

“You’re thinking she won’t kill anyone that could be Eren,” Reiner mutters, tugging his hood up over his head. “...that’s a nice, but small, consolation… Let’s hope she has bad eyes, too.”

Jean shakes his head, laughing. “I was always creeped out the way you used to hang around Eren so much,” he mutters as he pulls his hood up. “But I always knew you were capable.”

“...‘creeped out’ is a little harsh but thanks,” Armin mumbles.

Feeling the three pairs of eyes on me, I tug my hood up as well. “...I always knew I’d die next to you three bastards.”

“Well. If we don’t,” Reiner chuckles, “We’ll throw a big party ‘nd get married.”

“Oh yeah,” I scoff, pulling my swords out from their holsters. “We’ll have a big ol’ buffet ‘nd everything. I’ll even have a live band play for us.”

“You two lovebirds over there still squawking?” Jean barks, leaning forward to glare at us.

“Will you shut up for a minute?” Reiner shoots back, “I’m… Kinda doin’ something.”

“You can ‘kinda do something’ after this!” Jean yells, “We’re not dying today.”

“Fine!” I snap, “I’m not spending my last moments fighting with you two morons! Let’s just do this. Delay her as long as we can- by any means necessary. Got it?!”

The three grunt in agreement. “Jean, go to her left,” Reiner starts, “Armin, you go to her right. __________, you-”

“I’m going with Armin!” I whip my reins and follow after Armin as he heads to the Female Titan’s right hand side.

We level off just behind her. “She’s much slower than when she attacked me!” Armin comments, “If we’re going to do this, it has to be now!”

“Wait for Jean!” I yell, “He’s the best out of us with ODM gear. If he can get a good angle on her, it’ll be us being his support!”

A flash shoots out, launching into the Female Titan’s leg. Jean flies in behind it with his swords readied. The Titan crouches down and spins- flinging Jean. Armin and I get to our feet and stand on our horses’ backs. As my wires stick into the Female Titan’s leg, I give Horse a tap of my heel that sends him running away from the Titan.

Something swipes just under my legs. Everything around me slows as I watch the Titan’s hand bat Armin’s horse out from underneath him. His name leaves my lips the same way it did when Shiganshina fell. Breathless. Screeching. Desperate. “Armin!”

“__________!” Reiner’s voice carries out over my own.

Before I can do anything, I feel something crack against my back. I’m pushed forward- colliding with the earth and rolling for a few feet. Landing on my back, I stare up in a daze at the clouds.

Aching pain crawls through my veins- igniting my muscles in throbbing, squeezing pain. My back arches as I take long, hard breaths to stop my heart from pounding in my ears. It does nothing but amplify the sound as I feel my lungs burn and the cages around them scream in agony.

Broken ribs. At least a few on each side.

Certain slices and patches of my skin burn from the contact with the ground. Minor scratches, bruises, friction burns.

I’ll live. If she doesn’t finish me off.

Time begins to speed up again- her footsteps not taking so long to hit the ground as they get closer. Clouds seem to flurry past and my heartbeat begins to race once more.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I push myself to my feet, feeling every ache, every pain, every burn a million times over.

The fight isn’t done yet.

I’m not done yet.

The Female Titan tightens her fist, preparing to swing backwards at Jean. Breaking out into a sprint, I click my triggers and shoot my wires into the ground, allowing me to run faster. A blur of gold and green starts towards the Titan as I do- catching me attention so I stutter and stop.

Reiner.

Teeth gritted, eyes blazing, blades glinting. He’s going for her nape.

Armin’s yelling something. The Titan stays completely still as he continues screaming.

And then she snaps.

She catches Reiner’s body in her hand.

My heart stops. Blood stops. Lungs stop.

Everything.

Stops.

“...no.”

Chills run down my spine- dull and weak. Nothing like adrenaline.

Fear.

“No… no.”

I shake my head, watching as Reiner’s body disappears in her grasp.

Someone grabs my waist, tugs me away. “No!” I scream, thrashing around as everything starts to move again. “No!”

“__________!” Jean yells, pulling me away. “We have to go!”

A blur of metal spins out from her grip, severing her fingers off from the base of her palm. Reiner pushes out and around her back. Grabbing Armin, he sprints away from her and towards us.

The four of us break out into a sprint as she stares down at her palm. She gets to her feet and runs away from us- her hand still steaming.

Something breaks inside of me. Tears start running down my face as Reiner sidles up next to me. Armin- bleeding from his forehead- is in his arms. Titan blood evaporates off of Reiner’s hair and shoulders as he looks down at me. “We’ll be okay! She won’t eat us unless she’s a cannibal! We-”

I cut him off, punching his shoulder as hard as I can. “Don’t you ever pull that shit again, Reiner Braun!” I snap, furiously wiping the tears rolling down my face. “I swear on the walls, I… I will kill you myself if you do, do you hear me?! You scared the shit outta me! I… I thought I lost you.”

Reiner laughs breathlessly. “I told you, darling. We haven’t gotten married, yet. I can’t die until that happens.”

“We aren’t leaving anyone behind,” I snap, tightening Armin’s bandages. “None of that, you hear me?”

“We might not have a choice,” Armin mutters, “If we all stay behind, we might all-”

“I said no!”

The three of us go silent as Jean continues whistling for his horse.

But the question still hangs in the air.

Who’s going to stay behind?

There’s only one horse- there’s four of us. If somehow one of us gets our horse back, we’ll be able to get out of here but until then… We’re stranded in Titan country without a means of escape.

“We have to talk about it,” Reiner says quietly.

“No,” I get to my feet and shake my head. “No. We don’t.”

“__________-”

I hold up a hand to stop him, “Don’t.” Turning to Jean, I gesture to his bag. “You have an emergency flare, yeah?”

Jean nods and gets it out, loading it into his gun. Shooting it into the sky, purple smoke trails up from our location.

It’s a long shot, but they might get the message.

“We can wait three more minutes,” Reiner says firmly. “During then, we’ll decide who’s gonna-”

“I’ll stay.” My head snaps to Armin. “Just get a message to the command section- to Commander Erwin, if you can.”

“I’m staying, too, then.”

“__________, no-” Reiner starts.

“I don’t want to hear it, Rei,” I mumble, “Please. I don’t… I don’t want to hear it but look. We’re both injured. Armin’s got a possible concussion and he’s bleeding. I’ve broken half a dozen ribs and I’ve got more bruises than I know what to do with. If anyone’s staying it’s-”

“Neither of you,” Jean laughs, “Someone’s coming this way with three horses.” The three of us look over to him as he shades his face from the sun. “I think it’s… It looks like… Christa!”

“Guys!” Christa’s dainty voice rings out as she approaches, “Are you okay?!”

I huff a laugh, “Define ‘okay’, blondie!”

“If __________’s still cracking jokes, she’s still alive, right?” Christa laughs, coming to a stop just in front of us. The three horses surrounding her skid to a stop.

Horse trots up to me, nudging me with his nose. “Hey there, Horse,” I mutter, pressing my head against his. “Ya miss me?”

“What happened to you guys?” Christa asks as she looks over me. “You look awful.”

“Aw, gee, thanks, blondie,” I giggle, “I feel awful.”

Christa’s soft face tightens slightly in concern. “...you’re sure you’ll be okay riding alone? Your horse… I dunno his name… but he seems to run alongside me pretty well- even without a harness.”

“Yeah, that’s him, alright,” I mumble, rubbing Horse’s nose. “But I think I’ll be alright.”

“...I’m with Christa,” Jean says warily, “You broke six ribs.”

“What?!” Christa screeches. “Six?! No, ma’am! You’re riding with me or with Jean! Six ribs- what were you thinking?!”

I shrug. “I’ve done worse.”

“Worse?!”

Oops. Shouldn’t have said that.

Christa sighs, pinching her eyes closed. “Fine. The past is the past. I can’t change it. But you- right now- are going to ride with Jean or me. Pick one.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” I mumble with a smirk. “I’ll ride with you. Give the boys a little show, how ‘bout that?”

Christa turns a light shade of pink as Reiner helps me sit on top of Christa’s horse. “You behave,” Reiner mutters with a stern look.

But I can see it.

A little mischievous smirk plays his lips as he pulls away.

“Yes sir,” I coo, “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

The four of us start off towards the center. “What’s your horse’s name?” Christa asks. “He really seems to like you. Before, I couldn’t get him to hold still- then, when I said your name, he calmed down and followed us perfectly fine.”

“...I just call him Horse.”

“...oh…”

I sigh and turn around to watch as Horse gallops. Cream-colored coat hiding thick muscles that twitch and writhe. Dots- freckles- that spatter his coat. His black mane whips about in the wind.

“Freckles,” I say quietly.

“What?”

“Freckles. That’s his name.”

I groan, letting my head fall back as my legs swing off the tree branch. “Rei, we’ve been sitting here for hours and you haven’t said a word to me,” my lip juts out in a pout, “Please talk to me.”

Reiner grumbles under his breath. His arms cross over his chest as he sits on the farest end of the tree branch away from me.

“Baby,” I whine, “you aren’t still mad at me for-”

“Yes, I’m still mad at you for being a tease. And we’ve been out here an hour. Hour and a half, tops.”

“Tch,” I groan again, “Baby, it was just a joke. I didn’t mean to drop my ring.” I hold my hand out in the sun to look at my moonstone ring as it glistens. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

“...you dropped it three times before we got up here.”

“I would never do anything to tease you.” Reiner raises an eyebrow and I roll my eyes. “On a mission.”

Rei’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “...you really didn’t mean to?”

“Of course not, baby,” I coo softly. “Not on a mission.”

Reiner sighs and rolls his eyes before getting to his feet. Wordlessly, he plops down beside me and lays his hand over mine on the branch. “You only call me ‘baby’ when you’re guilty,” he murmurs into the shell of my ear. “...so I forgive you.”

“Oh good, you caught on,” I tease, nudging him with my elbow.

“Easy, there, girl,” he huffs, “you’re still on thin ice.”

“You can’t stay mad at me,” I turn to face him and flash him a face-splitting smile. “I’m your darling.”

“...you’re right,” Rei laughs softly. “I could never.”

The two of us fall into a comfortable- buzzing with adrenaline but still comfortable- silence. I lean forward to look at the Titans gathered at the base of our tree, clawing and gripping the bark in an attempt to get to us. Hungrily, they salivate and stare up at us with glazed eyes.

The Female Titan. Why is she doing what she was? If she’s human, wouldn’t she want the walls to remain? They keep us safe for the time being. The outside world isn’t ready for us to break down our walls. And if she does want the walls gone, why?

And who is she?

“...are you listening?”

“Hm?” I ask, leaning back. “No, I’m sorry, I was just…,” my eyes flick down to the Titans, “...lost in thought.”

“I was just asking how your sides are.”

My fingers rub against my sides. They aren’t sore, they don’t hurt. I’ve always healed fast but knowing how long it’s supposed to take to heal sometimes, it’s… a little disconcerting. “I don’t feel anything.”

“...you’re better already?”

I shrug, “It could just be adrenaline. Or maybe they weren’t as badly broken as we thought they were. Bruising and breaks are really similar…”

Reiner hums in acknowledgment. “As long as you feel okay. When we get back, I’m still getting you checked out.”

“Yes sir.”

I lean over the side of the branch to see the Titans again. “It’s strange that we weren’t directed around the forest.” I comment quietly, leaning over more before my ODM wire locks into place.

“...Iyeah,” Reiner mutters, “Why wouldn’t we just go around?”

“I dunno,” I strain, slightly jiggling the wire a bit. “But do you think it was on purpose?”

“It’s Commander Erwin,” Rei chuckles, “Of course it was.”

“That’s true… I just… It’s so hard for us to see threats coming in,” I grip the wire and tug harder. “So why send them in?”

“Assuming he knows of the right flank casualties, we should’ve retreated a long time ago,” he mutters, “But we’re here and the center flank is somewhere in the trees.”

“Which is also weird, right?” I ask, yanking on the wire even harder. “I mean, if we are gonna go in, why not-”

The wire snaps out of the branch. The force of me pulling sends me over the edge of the branch. I watch as the wire extends rapidly- reeling me down towards the Titans’ grasps. Reiner runs to the end, reaching out to grab my hand.

But it’s too late.

A hand wraps around my body and pulls, unlatching my ODM wire from the tree. It starts to tighten as it turns me around to face it. My eyes lock onto it and I scream, thrashing around wildly. My arms are pinned in its hold- trapped against the steel of my ODM blade holsters and the clammy flesh wrapped around me.

Another Titan stares at me hungrily. As I look at it, red light starts to pour from its eyes like fog. Without warning, it lunges. I wince and duck away- waiting to be engulfed in moist darkness.

It doesn’t come. It’s replaced with an unearthly howl of pain and the sound of tearing flesh.

The grip around me falls away and as I’m spun in a free-fall, I catch glimpses of the scene above me. Red fog pours from the Titans’ eyes as they all latch onto the Titan that grabbed me. Bite by bite, they tear into the searing flesh of the Titan and devour the steaming chunks of bleeding meat.

They’re… eating it.

The red fog.

It was real.

My body stops, swinging up before I hit the forest floor. As we land on another branch, Reiner hugs me to his body tightly. “You scared the shit out of me,” he says raggedly. I feel tears drip onto my shoulder. But I don’t look at him- even as he pulls away, gripping my shoulders.

My eyes are focused on the fog swirling through the bodies of the Titans.

What the Hell is it?

Why does it keep following me?

Why does it keep saving me?

“...__________!”

I’m pulled back into my body- away from the grasping hands of the Titans that force muscles and tendons and organs down their throats. Blankly, I stare at Reiner. “What happened?” he asks quietly, looking over his shoulder at the Titans. “Are you-”

A scream rips out of my throat as I look down at my hands. My fingers start to rake through my skin, clawing for the source of the red fog.

Get it out.

Get. It. Out.

Reiner’s hands fumble with mine as they try to stop me from continuing the hurried slicing of my skin. “Darling, darling,” he says calmly as he grabs my wrists, “Darling, hey, look at me. Look at me.”

Wildly, my eyes fly around my surroundings.

Get it out. Red fog. Red fog. I have to get it out. I have to find it.

Red fog. I have to get it out.

Red fog.

“__________!” Reiner snaps, shaking me by my wrists, “Look at me!”

My gaze settles on him but I can feel myself twitching and writhing in place.

Red fog.

Get it out. I have to get it out.

“...you’re okay,” he mumurs, “You’re okay now, okay, darling? You’re safe.”

Tears burst from my eyes, leaking down my face as I roll my hands around from my wrists. Trembling violently, my body falls to the floor. Reiner catches me before I fall, scooping me up under my arms and holding me to him.

“There’s something... inside of me,” I strain, keeping down the screams wanting to claw their way out. My nails rake his back- threatening to rip through the fabric. “There is... something inside of me, Rei. I don’t know what it is. And I’m so scared, Rei. I just… I don’t… I don’t understand it. I… I don’t know... what it is. There’s… There’s something inside of me, Reiner, please! Please, Rei! Take it out! Get it out of me!”

WHEW

a doozy like i said. if you made it this far, i am so proud of you. my short attention span could literally never. as always thank you so much for reading and i hope to hear your thoughts and comments!

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

Text

Bunch of (Older) Asks [P.2]

1. This episode of LO was cartoonish - no pun intended. Minthe gave an Evil Character speech fr. Your target demographic cannot be over 18 if you are That Much on the nose.

2. I think one of the reasons that LO fans deny it’s flaws is because RS does not plan the episodes, just writes them as she goes. And i don’t remember clearly but i think there were some asks saying that RS steals from HxP fanfics and theories (which makes sense since she likes to control and see everything) and seeing how there are so many theory accounts of LO she probably views them all and steals the theory ideas, therefore giving LO fans a sense of righteousness. What is simply RS art laziness or her just simply not caring about the artwork anymore is taken by fans as a theory for what might happen, leaving RS with plenty of ideas and her fans happy that they saw “hidden clues”. An example would be that of the episode where Persephone is chasing Minthe and then turns her into a plant, the shape of the cape looks like the eyes that Persephone feels around her (although i believe that it’s just simply a coincidence) and the fact that her hair does not grow like crazy. We know that Persephones hair grows when she’s mad, sad etc etc and is even shown on the episode when she turns big and when she grown vines and starts hibernating because she’s on TV as a criminal (which she is). Now because RS forgot to draw Persephones hair longer when she was attacking Minthe, fans are speculating that Persephone now has her powers on control and is not shadowed over by “the feeling” anymore. While the next episode shows that Persephone can’t actually turn Minthe back into a nymph and saying that she can’t really control her powers. RS will probably find a way to incorporate that theory in the comic but who knows when

3. One thing that I hate in lore olympus is the treatment of minthe. I understand why people don't like her, but she's seen by all the characters as one dimensionally evil when she's not really commited a cardinal sin in my eyes? Like she's very obviously lower class, struggling with money, and she figures that seducing a musty rich slave owner is her best way to an easy life. damn bitch i'd do the same, she's also seen to be easily led by thetis, and damn if my boyfriend who i was already feeling insecure around (who's family called me the equivalent of trailer trash and he didnt stick up for me) told me he was dumping me for a NINETEEN year old??? I'd freak out too! She's not perfect, and she's said some awful things, but she's honestly pretty rational. She's also treated pretty awfully by the other gods on account of her being a nymph, and being shafted by persephone who is a literal heiress? She knows she needs hades so she doesn't die, and that persephone doesn't. I don't know, i understand why people don't like her and she's said some unforgivable things, but her actions? They make sense, and she's annoyingly portrayed as irredemable and evil.

4. i get it, minthe is obviously an antagonist, but i get no satisfaction in her death. she was a victim of hades' actions + him using his power over her to where him turning his attention to the next pretty thing he saw meant shed be homeless / in poverty. why would i root for a rich girl's split personality (so it CAN'T be her actually doing it! god forbid!) murdering a powerless nymph for actually standing up to a king and have it be "no you MUST respect the 1% or else ill kill you!" its gross!

5. LORE OLYMPUS WANTS WHAT HADESTOWN HAS

6. The confrontation between Minthe was drawn like a joke/meme when it was a pretty serious moment puts me off so much and the quality of the art was so stiff and underwhelming too. If this were made with the old art it wouldve looked alot better and expressive i think

7. LO would have flopped a long time ago if it didn't use greek mythology names as a crutch; the art style would have only carried a season minimum before people would start realizing how badly written it is...

8. ngl i follow a fucking homestuck RP blog with better greek mythology takes than LO

9. The biggest issue that makes me despise Lore Olympus is that pretty much every character falls into one of two groups: 1 Persephone cheer squad who can do no wrong and 2. Evil Meanies who don't like Persephone the cute uwu bean how dare you not love her, like girl....

10. Every comic or fanfic i’ve seen of HxP depicts Hades as this insecure, shy guy who doesn’t really know how to talk to women and like? Wtf.. how is one of the most powerful gods, the ruler of the underworld insecure?? I get that people love the whole -uwu shy powerful guy talks to main love interest and is a softie - but for what Hades is it doesn’t make any sense. And since so many people want to make gods relatable to mortals (which is dumb and so unachievable) a much better portrayal of Hades would be one of the quiet and fair guy. A confident god who knows what he’s doing and is aware of the power he has. An insecure god means that he’ll exploit everyone in his kingdom and our -soft boi- can’t do that. Hades is aware of his powers and the role he has, and has simply not found a goddess to his liking to be queen of the underworld. LO making Hades into this abused guy who has low self esteem is done in bad taste. I understand that people want to read and see things that seem familiar or that include them and whatnot, however gods are gods. They are not mortals. They don’t go by the same rules as us and do not process things the same as us.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lo critical #lore olympus critical #anti lo art

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ddddaikon · 2 years

Note

as someone who has also been sucked into gay pirate hell: what were your favorite parts of the show?

Ooooh um so many?? Going into it, I hadn't known much about the actual content of the show besides the fact that I got spoiled on the kiss via twitter, so I was honestly surprised that Ed's major character beats had everything to do with vulnerability. It feels weird to say that you still don't get to see men cry in media very often, let alone as a response to trauma and not like, in response to loss? And its vulnerability that actually helps the characters connect with each other in a meaningful way? It feels like the bar is really low when it comes to gay romance but like damn if it didnt make me and every other internet gay go crazy go stupid

I also need to rewatch the show because I realized the other day that ed's line near the beginning about always having thought he would die in a cooler way was foreshadowing stede faking his death in the last episode. It makes me want to see what else I didn't catch on the first watch.

I really appreciated that during the episode with jack there was an explicit line where jack is trying to provoke stede and make him jealous by alluding to the fact that they've slept together before and stede's reaction is to say its none of his business, but not in a begrudging way. I know a lot of people read this primarily as a jealousy story line and I don't entirely disagree but I like that the drama doesn't exclusively hinge on ex-lover jealousy.

This is kind of tangential but a year or two ago I saw blackbeard's flag in someone's yard and I didn't know what it was and I fell down this strange rabbit hole to find out that it has somehow become a bizzaro symbol of american boot (millitary) culture. People usually associate it with "give no quarter" meaning "no mercy", like this stupid hardass conservative gun culture thing. ALL THAT IS TO SAY that the fact that this show has used it specifically as a symbol of gay heartbreak is primo shit and fantastic in the face of the hypermasculine militarized cultural connotation it currently has.

Also its a given but the jokes had me fucking barking with laughter. The sketch of the dick had me in tears.

Im gonna publish this publicly cause i think a lot of my mutuals would appreciate it too probably lol

#i make poost

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tokusashi · 4 years

Text

Calm down about Deku, please

(It’s not a post for discussion. It’s a post where I’m putting my thought about recent situation, and I don’t have strenght or time for fandom wars. If you agree to disagree, that’s your right to do)

_________________________________

So, with the recent chapter (with fan translations) we have, AGAIN, a huge quarrel about “abuser apologist” shit (damn, I hate this phrase), and with who this time?

Deku.

Ok so we have the situation where this boy is literally a wreck, with both his arms and legs being a puree, he’s in a huge pain, can’t do much actually, he JUST learned that Tomura is somewhat manipulated by AfO, Machia just now destroyed like, a huge % of pro heroes on his way, his (Izukus) both mentors are really in bad shape (Gran Torino is dying somewhere and we don’t know what’s up with Aizawa as well), and one of his best friends (because yeah, Kacchan is a friend for Deku) literally jumped to sacrifice himself for Deku, and here popped out Dabi with “yo, I’m Todoroki, and I’m gonna kill you all because of Endeavors abusive past”.

Well, what do we have here, folks? Is it chaos? YEP.

So tell me, witnessing this all that happened in the last few chapter, would it be normal if Deku could react in 100% flawlessly, full of empathy fo Dabi, with the Right Words in the Right moment?

Well. No.

For him trying to say that the current Endeavor is a better person is not a bad thing, he himself have said that past won’t dissapear anyway. Deku simply tries to stop Dabi from killing Shoto, because Shoto is his friend, and also killing him won’t help anyone (Dabi as well). And he’s stressed because Endeavor IS his mentor, so naturally he won’t go with “ok, sure, kill him, avenge yourself”. Also he never stated that Dabi should not get help, be rescued or anything, he tries to talk to him, but to be honest, Deku is unable to find the right words to reach Dabi anyway. Hell, even to Shoto “it’s your power!” didn’t do the thing immediately, Shoto needed to think about those words and situations by himself, “It’s your power!” words were only a trigger.

It’s not like Deku is totally closed on the idea that Villains are humans as well, after all he had this mini arc with Gentle years ago, but people keep to forget that since Gentle he actually... didn’t had much opportunity to meet, speak, hear or understand villains. He literally had no screentime, and so this topic wasn’t the main focus around this character, for Izuku it popped out ONLY NOW.

And remember, that since Todoroki’s dinner, Izuku KNOWS that Shoto wants to forgive Endeavor, and with so, that forgiving him is not impossible thing. The matter is delicate tho, and almost impossible to solve on battlefield.

That’s why I don’t understand, why people are upset that Izuku won’t do 50 things at one time, with the perfect answer and perfect speach for everything. People are saying that Izuku’s character is static, but there was literally NO CHANCE to kick this topic with him till now.

Deku needs time to think about the situation.

Every character need to think about it.

And oops, there’s no such thing as “time” in fierce battlefield, so don’t be shocked that not every reaction will be perfect and calculated.

Also: I don’t think that Deku did anything bad, with what is happening right now. Duh, I think he reacted as he should, knowing what he expierienced till now and what he didnt’. Because remember, readers know stuff Deku doesn’t know, and we see everything in different way than Deku.

_______

Saying that, I just want to confirm that I’m not a hero or villain stan. I don’t pick a side because I don’t think it’s needed. Villains have their damn good point about changing the society, but the way they’re trying to change it is just not exactly the best one, and I’m kind of bored with throwing a “cool motive, still murder” gif here and there.

People should chill down and wait for the biggier picture, because seriously, how is this that we can’t enjoy and talk about the show normally, but every goddamn week we have to quarrel about this like a mad squirrels?

That’s why I’m making a pause from this fandom. I love Dabi, but his apologists (the crazy ones, I’ve seen calm posts from other people which I commented as well, they’re different) made me do “ugh” noise every time when I see a post about how he’s right to kill Shoto etc. because he expierienced abuse, and I don’t want them to make me stop liking him.

Also I totally get that people may be upset that Deku didn’t reacted flawlessly to Dabi, or for his words. It’s ok.

Just for those who are jumping to the “hatred pool” with the first panel they’ll see- people, at least try to understand Why this character in this situation is reacting how he’s reacting. It may not be flawless, but it may be understandable.

That’s all.

#bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #Deku is a sweetheart give hime time please

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oppabimbab · 4 years

Text

chasing euphoria | jeon jungkook

genre : angst, smut

parts : 2/2, (part 1)

pairing : jungkook x reader

synopsis : you didn’t see it coming when jungkook confessed that he likes you. how can you expected that coming when he is the person that your best friend is in love with? no matter what happens; you can’t be in love with him so it ends with rejection from you to him. but why does some kind of spark starts to twinkle in your heart, especially when he is no longer making his way, to you?

side note : this short fics didnt turn out like i want because my mind stucked but i gotta finish it or i will forget about its existence lmaoo. i wanted it to be a heavy smut but turns out to be some kind of failed angst and only a lil smut. i hope you enjoy this jungkook fic and im gonna work harder in my upcoming fics uwu love u guys

words count : 4875 words

✻ Fanfics Archive ✻

Few days have passed already. Nothing has changed particularly except the fact that you have become a complete stranger to him. Everything is only business—like from the first time. For some reason, you can’t blame him for keep the distance between both of you—no matter how professional he is. If you were him, you sure don’t want to see that person who already made it clear—that they don’t want you.

You’re not blaming him.

You are not sure what state are you in right now. There will be time—where you would find yourself scrolling through the old messages between you and him at night before you can feel your heart clenches a lot for no reason. You would bury your face on the pillow and it left with a small trail of tears on it.

You cried sometimes, it can’t be helped.

And the next moment—you find that you’re all good even the work required you to meet each other’s eyes and talk like nothing happened behind this work. You can stand like a confident woman even every time he looks at you—you see that woman, who changed his eyes.

It’s confusing sometimes.

You stare at the huge building in front you as you tighten the heels on your feet. Out of 365 days—why do they need to hold the college reunion at times like this where you don’t feel like going, at all?

You flinch for a second when you suddenly heard Chaeyoung calls your name as she comes closer to you—running giddily on her high heels, tighten her hands around his boyfriend before the couple stand in front you—with a huge smile plasters on her face.

Looking at Chaeyoung, you finally remember the conversation you had with her—that left you with so much questions and grief.

“Are you serious right now?” Chaeyoung laughed hysterically as she widen her eyes at you—probably not believing what you just said just now.

“Yeah,” you shrugged, resting your head on the headboard. She chuckled at your remarks.

“Jungkook is only a crush. Did you really think I plan to go any further with him just because I spent most of the time talking about him?” she shook her head, still laughing like crazy every time she remembered your dead serious face when you asked her about Jungkook.

“I don’t know. You were really into him back then. I was scared to even tell you about my work place,”

She scrunched her nose.

“Idiot. So what, if you work at the same place with him? Do I need to be jealous? Babe, I have a boyfriend,” she giggled, making you widen your eyes at her before you sit straight.

“You do?” you squeaked—that was the last thing you would expected from her, your shy and passive bestfriend. Damn. So, you have been worrying for nothing, haven’t you?

She nodded with a smile. Your mouth was opened slightly but nothing came as you have lost any words. What were you going to say anyway? Your wild dream where he is fucking you damn hard and rough?

“Do you like him?” Chaeyoung munched on the chip, cocking an eyebrow at you while squinting her eyes. There was an obvious suspicion in her voice as she looked at you with a smirk across her lips.

You almost choked on the coke—quickly wiping the residue in the corner of your lips before you brought your gaze to your best friend. Of course, she knew. You were a bad liar.

“No. I don’t. What do you mean?” a faint chuckle escaped your mouth. Chaeyoung scoffed.

“Whatever. I can’t blame you if you do. He is damn gorgeous and hot. How the hell you don’t go head over heels for him where you see him—almost everyday?”

You cracked a soft smile. For sure, Chaeyoung ain’t wrong.

Straightening the little velvet dress that have been wrapping your body, both of you and Chaeyoung go inside along with her boyfriend—you can’t help but reminiscing back all of the images from college days as those familiar faces start to squeal when they see you.

It’s definitely a reunion when you see Taehyung and Tzuyu—still head over heels with each other even so many years have passed. You roll your eyes when you see that tall guy would comes closer to her girlfriend and whispers some thing, making her giggles like a school girl.

Nayeon still looks the same—just as sassy and loud as she was before but the only difference is, she comes with her husband, Namjoon. There is an obvious spark on her face—staring at him like no one exists except for him. No longer that single hottest girl in the campus.

Talk about Seulgi—your sweet and shy nerdy desk mate finally becomes a fiancé to Jimin, one of the hottest athlete who used to hit on her like an annoying brat. You still remember how Seulgi always whine at you about the bratty Jimin but end up falling for him.

Life is weird, huh? No, love sure is weird.

“Oh my god! You look so good,” Irene looks at you from head to toe—wiggling her shoulder like she just saw a celebrity. You giggle a little at her sudden gesture which is making everyone to look at you. You receive a squeals from them before the party officially starts.

Everything is fine. You like the food—the musics they are playing—the conversation you between those ex-classmates, talking about future jobs and marriage—the way they bring you into the conversation, knowing how quiet you can be sometimes. You love the environment.

It definitely brings you back to good old days.

Part of you are excited to be in this circle but part of you seems like missing. It’s left empty—especially when everyone is here with a company, unlike you. You try to comprehend this weird feeling as you unintentionally space out in your own thoughts. What are you missing?

You lost in your thought until you hear the girls are squealing and screaming before you look up, bringing your curious gaze just to meet those deep eyes, again. You see him, standing there in black coat and skinny black jeans—showing off his broad shoulder and long legs. Both of you exchange eye contacts for few seconds before he looks away as the boys and girls hover all over him.

Your eyes twinkle at him before it disappear when you finally acknowledge that he doesn’t come alone. The same woman you saw few days ago—is there, looking just as ethereal as he is. Looking like they are perfect for each other, leaving you to feel small.

The same ache inside your chest, starts to throb again.

“Our student council everyone!” Taehyung wraps his arms around Jungkook’s shoulder as he gives some space for him and his girl. You sit across the table, trying to look busy with your untouched food. Chaeyoung glances at you with her raised eyebrow and lifted lips. She grins at you, knowing exactly what’s in your mind. She knows you don’t want to say anything about this so she chooses to keep quiet and let you in your own world.

Just like that—you spend the entire night, sitting there spacing out and playing with the untouched food that is making your appetite to die. You would glance at the short haired girl beside him—smiling and laughing along with them so well. Not to forget, the way Jungkook would pull her closer to his side—looking at her like his life depends on it without noticing, you are here, stealing few glances from afar.

It’s crazy painful for some reason. Not once, he brings his eyes to you—looking at you like he always does. You feel completely small over here, like your existence feels like an absence to him. It kills you inside to carry this unfamiliar pain inside your chest every time he smiles at her.

You wonder, when will this misery end? Why does your heart scream—for him?

“Drive safely,” you lower your body, looking at Chaeyoung and his boyfriend inside the car.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to drop you at home?” Mark frowns at you when you eagerly convinced them that you can go home by yourself even it’s already past 12 am. Chaeyoung pouts, you giggle at her drunk self.

“That’s fine. I can manage this. Bring her home safely,” you say as you take a few step backward from his car. Both of them finally agreed and the next second, the couple disappear from your sight which is leaving you alone in front the building. The place is still busy so you don’t mind spending some time to find a cab.

Your body sores a lot, the heels on your feet feels like a thorn. You don’t care about anything else because all you want to do is going home. Today is pretty tiring already.

You heave a sigh before you wait patiently at the side, to stupidly looking for any cabs or public buses Even for sure, it’s hard to find ones at this hours. The fact that you reject all the ride offers, amaze you. What the hell are you thinking?

“Hey,” a faint voice suddenly fills the quiet place, making you to look back before your heart thumps at the sight.

It’s Jungkook.

You steps aside, to give him some space. His sudden appearance makes your heart races—especially when he cracks a small smile at you.

“Are you waiting for cabs?” he adds, bringing his gaze at the road before he looks back at you. You nod, silently. Curling your lips, you look at him and smile.

“Why are you still here?” you ask him out of curiousity. Well, you are more curious to why he is here instead of being with his girlfriend

Jungkook hums.

“I know you always wait for a cab so I thought....of checking up on you,” he rubs his nape while chuckling at himself—making you to smile. Despite his masculine look, his shy side is interesting to you. They are very rare yet interesting whenever he decided to show them.

“I can send you home if you want,” he adds. You shake your head slowly.

“That’s fine. Thank you,”

He nods.

A short silence fills the space between you too before you open your mouth again.

“Why are you here instead of being with your girlfriend?” you whisper.

He looks up at you to find your eyes.

“She went home already,”

You frown a little at the answer before you nod silently. It’s a little weird for a boyfriend to let his girlfriend to go home by herself but you are not in that place to say anything about his personal life.

Silence again. Swear it kills you.

“Jungkook,” you call his name. He hums.

“I’m sorry if I’ve hurted you in some kind of way that I didn’t mean for it to be like that,” clenching the purse around your hands, you meet his eyes again. This time, no one looks away. It’s just you and him—everything is fading.

“You don’t need to apologize, you know that right?,” he smiles but why does it hurt you?

“I need to.” you stare at him.

“I want to understand why am I feeling this way for past few days. I mean...don’t you agree we are getting too distant from each other now?” there is a hint of pain your voice, trying to make him see your point.

You are hurting.

“I don’t want us to be that way,” you inhale some air.

“But, today, I think it’s better for us to stop seeing each other like we used to so...you can’t hurt me, I can’t hurt you and...we can’t hurt her,” you can feel your tears are pooling in your eyes before you shake your head, to make them go away. He still there, looking at you, can’t believe what just came out from your mouth.

Before he could say anything, a cab is passing by and you immediately wave at the driver to stop. Looking back at him, your heart breaks a lot.

Being with him is one of the moment that you would look forward the most every day—he makes you secure, he makes you share things with him, whom you never thought the person would be him. It’s crazy to see you cross path with the least expected human being in the world just to end that this way.

For real, he makes you want to be with him all the time. But, you can’t do that anymore.

You come closer to open the car door. before you comes inside, you look at him with a smile.

“The time we shared were great. Thank you,” you crack a smile even your heart is bleeding so much. You could cry anytime soon but you need to grip on yourself. Just a few seconds.

Nothing comes out from his mouth. Not sure if he has lost at words or else so you take it as an okay from him.

“Goodnight, Jungkook,” you say;pulling the car handle to close the door before he comes closer along with the darkened eyes and clenched jaw. He is flaming with anger all over his body.

Before you can say anything, he grabs your wrist and pull you out from the back seat, making you stumble on your heels as he brings you to somewhere far from the car. Your eyes widened at his sudden action.

“Jungkook! What the hell, stop!” you almost yell as you look at his stiffed back while he pulls you with so much intense. His jaw clenched, his eyes darkened, his voice—it is full of tension. He says nothing, tightening the grip around your wrist.

“Jungkook!” you call him again when the heels are clanking on the ground with so much rush, making you almost trip and break you ankle. Few seconds after, he stops and pushes you slightly against the cold wall along the alley before he traps you between his firm arms. You whimper at the coldness on your back.

“What are you trying to pull?” he grunts—looking straight to your eyes with fiery fire. Even under such dim lights, you can see his eyes gleaming with anger—so much anger which is keeping your feet static on the ground. His face is only few inches apart for yours, making his hot and minty breath brushing your skin slightly.

“W-what do you mean?” you squeak—looking back to his eyes even deep inside, world knows how dangerous can they be. Your legs become wobbly when he makes the gap between you and him disappear as he comes closer.

“Why are you telling me goodbyes even you feel like crying?” he groans.

You are taken aback at his words. How the hell he sees that?

“Why do you drive me this crazy?” nails clawed on the wall, he pulls away from you as he runs both of his hands through his long hair, looking frustrated as ever. It leaves you confused. What makes him changed this much? Why does he look like a beast. A sexy beast.

but The only question is why is your core pooling and wetting the panty when you see those eyes and hear that raspy grunts from him?

“Let me go. I want to go home,” gaining your strength to stand properly, you glare at him just to find his burning eyes again. You can clearly see the veins along his jaw and neck—leaving you breathless.

“Why are you such in denial? I don’t understand,”

“What are you trying to say, Jungkook?! I’m confused. Can you just say what you want and let me go?” you voice screeches a few octave when you no longer can hold the sudden pissed off in yourself.

“Do you love me?” he whispers.

Silence. Intense eye contacts.

“No, I don’t. Can I go now?” God know how bitter it sounds like in your throat when you say those poisonous words. How the hell your mouth says no but your heart says the otherwise? He heaves a sigh, coming closer to you, faces few inches apart.

He stares at you. They have changed. His eyes. No more fire—no more anger. Just pearls and..love. Your heart is thumping hard like it’s going to burst anytime.

“Say that again,” he stops, taking some time to calm himself.

“Say that again and I will let you go. Say that before we stop looking at each other again,” his voice becomes lower like he is hiding a pain behind that. There is silence between you two as you stare into his eyes, trying to contain this pain inside your chest.

His eyes—they always speak louder than anything and seeing those, make your heart feels nothing but ache.

A small trails of tears start to stream down to your cheeks, to your chins before it drops, wetting your dress. You can’t look at him on the eyes anymore so you look to your feet while sobbing softly. You’re not sure how you look like right now but definitely a mess.

“I can’t do it,” you cry. The small alley is filled with your sobbing as there is no reaction from him.

The next second, he lifts your chin before you meet his eyes again. You look at him with a teary eyes before he comes closer.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers. You nod.

Just like that, he crashes his lips against your mouth with so much force, sealing every part of his lips with yours—not leaving any space untouched. Taking a piece of clothes on his chest, you pull him closer to you, making him to bring his hand on your jaw.

He grunts in the kiss—licking your lower lip to give him the access before you open your mouth just for him to hover them with his tongue. You know he can taste the salty water from your eyes.

You haven’t had such a sweet kiss. Every part of his mouth, tastes damn sweet.

Sucking on your mouth for the last time, he pulls away from the kiss as both of you pants for air like crazy.

��Damn it, I want you so bad,” he whispers.

“Ah!” you whimper as Jungkook crashes his lips along you neck with his hands travelling on your exposed thigh. He presses you against his marble wall before finding your mouth for hundred times, kissing them deeply.

A small yelp escapes you lips when he palms your soaking core—the thin fabric of the panty do no justice to his warm and slender fingers, that are rubbing your clothed clit. You moan to the air.

“Wet as hell,” he grunts, looking down at his fingers while grabbing your hips to support you against the wall. You spread you legs wider, making him chuckle out of joy.

“Impatient, huh?” he whispers as he hovers your mouth for the last time before bringing his hands to the hem of your mini dress. The next second, the sound of ripping fills the room as he rips your dress , leaving you only with bra and panty. Your eyes widened.

“I just bought it!” you whine at him only to receive a boyish chuckle from him as he looks straight to your soul.

“I can buy you a new one,” he whispers—rubbing your wet clit with his fingers and trailing a sloppy kiss along your neck—causing you to moan out loud. You throw your head when he quickened the fingers pace, twirling them to torture you even more.

“Ah! Jungkook!” you moan, grabbing both of his shoulders for support before he unclasp your bra. Grabbing your hips, he lifts you up against the wall, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Why are you so wet when you don’t even love me?” he groans on your neck, biting and licking them to bring you to another universe. Your vision and mind seem like it’s leaving your system when you can feel nothing but his touch.

He pulls his fingers away from your clit, making you whimper at the sudden missing touch. Then, with one gesture, he unbuckles the belt and pull down the pants, causing the huge throbbing buldge under the boxer to touch your inner thigh. Along with that, he pulls your panty—showing the soaking wet pussy to his sight.

Another moan and faint grunt fills the room. You look down at him and find his darkened gaze. His gritted teeth, clenched jaw. How the hell this sweet man turns out to be this aggresively sexy beast? Your core is throbbing a lot at the sight. Slowly, he rubs his clothed bulge on your pussy while keeping the eye contact with you—not leaving your eyes while he abuse the pussy.

Mouth opened, you moan while staring at him. Both of you pant hard, chest pounding against each other as he quickened the pace—causing you to grip on his shoulders, even tighter. Your body bounce, synchronizing with his pace.

“Did....you do this with her?” a faint voice escapes your lips along with the endless moans. He groans while clenching his jaws. Moans and moans.

“Do you want me to?” he asks you back before tugging on your hardened nipple with his teeth—making you to lose your mind immediately. You’re sure he can feel the dripping juice on the tip of his head as you almost find the climax at the intense rubbing.

You don’t answer him as you throw your head and moans like a weak kitten. His twirls his tongue on your bud—kissing and sucking it while rubbing your pussy with his member.

“Answer me,” he slaps your ass, making you yelp.

“N-no,”

“Why?”

You bite your lower lip to refrain yourself from moaning even more. You’re so close to your orgasm before he suddenly stops. Opening your eyes, you see his throbbing cock—raw and hard. Before you could say anything, he pounds inside you—grabbing your hips to come closer to him.

“Ahhh!” you scream out of pleasure at the sudden contact as he starts to move without letting you to adjust to his size. He thrusts slowly before pulling them out, to make you whine again and again. He smiles before slamming into you again, burying his cock into your pussy as he starts pounding back and forth.

You moan out loud at his cock stretching inside you—your body bounce against the wall while wrapping your legs around his waist to ease the tension. The slapping sound fills the space, like it is a background music both for you and him.

You meet his eyes and just like before, his eyes never left yours.

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes on your collarbone, clenching his jaw as he pounds your pussy. You feel the butterflies at his words. His eyes—speak thousand love and adoration. Only for you.

“You don’t know how I want to fuck you this way,” he whispers—causing your butterflies go wild in your stomach.

“Do you love her?” closing your eyes shut, you whisper.

“I don’t,” he says. Not sure why but your heart feels like it got lifted.

“Do you still love me?” you moan at him—he smiles and quickened the pace. Oh god. It’s so fucking good.

“I fucking love you, so much,” he groans.

“I love every part of you. You don’t understand,” both of you moan when he find the sweet spot in your pussy. Your breath hitched—finding some air.

Suddenly, he pulls out from you and let you stand on your feet before he tells you to bend down. Just as confused as you are, you bend down, gripping on the cabinet with both of your hands before he slams inside you again.

Your body arches.

“Let me love you,” he bends down to you and kiss your nape while his hands gropping on both of your hips, forcing you to move along with the thrust. You whimper, biting your lower at the pleasure he is giving.

“Love me, then,” you say, peeking at him over your shoulder. He seemed speechless at your remarks before he slams into you again and again, abusing the pussy with his huge cock as he rubs your clit.

You moan his name. Both of you almost losing breath as you can feel the knot in your lower stomach, almost reaching the climax.

With the remained strength, you move your hips back and forth, causing his tip to abuse your walls again and again.

“Oh fuck. Baby, you feel so damn good,” he curses, looking at his dick pumping you while clenching his jaws. You hum and moan, peeking at him while moving rapidly.

“Jungkook...I’m coming,” you whimper. He kisses your nape.

“Do it for me. Cum for me,” his sweet raspy voice growls across his house—making you squirm around him. He moans, so fucking hot and sexy.

“Jungkook...” you call him. He hums.

“I love you,” you moan before you release the juice, coating his cock with the white substances. A trails of scream escaping your mouth when the next second, he fills your pussy with his warm thick cum.

Your body becomes sensitive after he pulls out, making it to twitch and flinch. When your legs feel like it’s going to collapse, Jungkook lift you up and place you on his lap as he sits on the sofa.

You can hear his heart beat is racing, His chest is pounding as you lay your head on his chest—catching some air after the intense fuck. With you Tugging on his arms, he wraps his arms around your hips as he brings you closer to his chest.

“Eunha is my ex-girlfriend,” suddenly, he breaks the silence.

“Our relationship has ended a year ago and she suddenly comes back to me,” he lifts your chin, making you to look at him.

“I was heartbroken when I sent you home, that night,”

“It was crazy for me to move on when you don’t want me like I wanted you,” his eyes changed. There is a pain and sorrow—along with that voice.

“I thought, giving another chance to love her like I used to, would erase you from my mind but the more I look at her, the more I think of you,”

“So, rather than hurting her, I broke the relationship again,”

He stares at you like he is telling you how heart broken he was. Just like you. His bright eyes, his pouty lips, his charming smile—you didn’t know you have been missing him this much. Straddling on his laps, you bring your hands on his face.

You miss every part of him. The way he looks at you this way. The way he talks to you this way. You thought you have lost them all but when you see the familiar spark on his eyes—they are still there. Tears prick on your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” you bite your lower lip while rubbing your thumbs on his cheek, taking every part of his face into your sight.

You love this man. So much. Not sure when did it start but you know you love him when the thought of him not being yours—hurts you bad.

“I’m sorry for making us this way,” you squeak with tears falling down your cheeks. Brushing the hair from your face, he leans closer and sealing your his lips with yours. Every time he kissed you, you feel like you’re on the cloud nine. It feels like a dream. The way he moves his mouth on yours, you don’t want him to go.

“I thought we will be okay but why does it hurt me so much to see you with her”

You can feel your heart clenches at the thought.

“I love you. I love so much,” you sob when he pulls away from the kiss—staring at your messy face only few inches apart.

He chuckles. Rubbing his thumb across you cheeks before he pecks your nose.

“I know that,”

“I love you too,” he whispers. Your tears flow even more as you wrap your arms his neck and cry on his shoulder. He chuckles as he let you to calm down, letting go the pain in your chest for a while. He secures your waist around his arms, bringing you closer to his embrace.

When you finally calmed down, he looks at you with a grin.

“So...” he bites his lower lip.

“Are you mine?”

You giggle, scrunching your nose at him.

Jungkook grins, bringing his face closer to yours as he speaks,

“Tell me,” he chuckles. With that, you nod with a smile.

“Yes, Mr. Jeon,”

He laughs before he takes your face in his hand as he hovers your mouth for millionth times with the other hand, grabbing your hips to grind on his hardened cock, again.

You squeal—completely ready to give your all to him.

i think im failed at this one but whatever, check out my other smuts thirsty hoes *chef’s kiss*

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