#cw unhealthy thinking

[sanguine-salvation]

💔??

[ Send 💔 and I’ll describe my muse’s mental scars as if they were physical. - ACCEPTING ]

It's a cut in their palm.

They had grabbed the knife and freed themself so quickly from the burdens, from the chains, from the awful cage of lace and velvet and silk, so very quickly that they forgot to free her, too. So quickly that the knife slipped from their hand and slashed their palm deep to the bone.

They ran.

And it bled. It bleeds when they try to leave, when they wander too far, when they know they have nothing left to give. It bleeds and it aches and reminds them of how much worse it was for her because they were a desperate animal snapping its leash.

So they drip blood everywhere and never forget. Their hands are stained and stinging, and they will remember it with every twitch of their finger. Every flick of the blade.

Guilty hands seeping red.

They've tied a thin gold chain around their palm and given the loose end it to her. It digs and slices into the wound so that it never closes. She could pull it taut if she wanted to. They wonder why she doesn't.

Guilt must be paid for.

Pain is the price.

#i have a place for you || answered #cw gore #cw unhealthy thinking

[voiceintheblue]

Today I woke up. My sister is in the hospital. COVID, but the world no longer cares about that. COVID, but I can’t call out of work because my job abandoned their time off for the pandemic as soon as the government stopped requiring it. They’re a healthcare company. They produce catheters for angioscopy and atherectomy procedures. I could have the disease. I sat right across from her during her birthday dinner. I initiated the group hug after. One day later, my mother was calling me telling me she was in an ambulance.

This morning was Monday. I got in the car, the only one we have, and it didn’t start up the first time around. It said charging system malfunction. I thank the god I no longer believe in for letting it start up on the second try. I can’t afford a repair. I’m going to have to check the wires and drive belt myself, and pray it’s not the alternator. I don’t have a tool for that. I’m thousands of dollars in debt, and so is my wife. We’re happy that we can finally afford groceries on a mostly consistent basis. I wish that that mostly was more guaranteed.

Got to work. Confirmed with my boss that the medical device company I work for has indeed abandoned COVID time. If I want to take time off, I’m gonna have to use my vacation. I used up all my sick time for the last crisis. The last time I was sick I didn’t even bother to do that. I just came in. I mucked up all the cathetors with my virus-infected hands. The test said it wasn’t covid, but that was just a couple weeks before my sister came down with it. Again, we saw eachother. Across the table. We hugged. Close enough.

Of course, physical death isn’t enough. Apparently the universe has decided on a campaign of eradication against my soul. The man who I’ve been trying to build a stronger friendship with for the past year messaged me today. It was long enough that the message didn’t fit all at once on the screen. It was the kind of message you always are afraid to get when you see a notification ping.

It wasn’t anything unexpected. This is a situation that’s been ongoing. But he’s done with it. He says he’s not done with me, but his actions say otherwise. This is the first time he’s messaged me since the last message that didn’t fit on a single screen. The one where he called me a hyprocrite.

He wasn’t wrong. And I tried to apologize the right way. Recognize your wrong. Acknowledge you hurt them. Sincerely promise to not repeat. But nothing’s changed in the server he says.

But I’m confused. It’s not the server he called a hypcocrite. He hasn’t said any way the server needs to be different.

Just me.

So I’m pretty sure he’s just saying goodbye to me.

I can’t fight it though. He spent a week in a mental institution at the start of this year. Some days I wish I could do the same, but it would kill my wife. The last husband, the one who’s name she whispers in fear visited them often. I can’t do the same for the fear of becoming a reminder of that man.

I get another message. Dad, and my other sister, they have it too. The pandemic that’s over but also not really. The one everyone’s looking away from and pretending no longer exists. I’m worried because my Dad is diabetic. The same kind of Diabetic as my wife. It put them first in line for the original vaccines, and it puts them first in my mind as I try not to think about how life will be without my Dad. Or her.

She’s the only one I have left. I don’t think she knows the extent of that. How she was the first one to look at me, and not joke about it. The first one to love me honestly and genuinely. With her whole heart. I’m terrified one day I’ll get it from her. A message of several paragraphs. So long it doesn’t fit on the screen all at one time.

I don’t think she knows. I don’t think the cats know. I don’t think my sisters or mom and dad know how I’m hanging by a thread and barely holding on. The only reason I stay is because it would hurt them far more than it would save me. My cats wouldn’t understand why I’m no longer around to sneak them chicken from the one on sale my wife brought home. My wife wouldn’t understand how I could be just the same and as cruel as the man who’s name she whispers in fear. She would think it was her fault. She would call herself the cruel one. The one who was cursed. My sisters wouldn’t understand. “he was doing so well!” they would cry.

I’m doing so well.

Aren’t I?

My mother, I’m not entirely sure. She’s changed lately. For the good and bad. She’s let go of the eyes of others who drew her down. She’s become vibrant and cohesive. But she also seeks for answers in corners where they do not lie. She thinks for others when she should think for herself. She tries to drag and nibble at places where she does not belong. But it is an improvement, I suppose. From who she was before.

My father would be wounded most of all. He’s lost before. A shotgun blast, brains on the wall. Just a block away. He’d talked with him the night before. “He was my friend? Why didn’t he say a word?”

Because it’s not about you. It’s about getting away. I hurt. I don’t want to hurt any more.

I feel like a mite on the world of giants. Wars and plagues and gods. I want to nibble in my corner. Be loved and love others.

But it hurts. It hurts. It hurts.

#cw suicidal ideation #cw unhealthy thinking #cw covid #covid #covid19 #covid 19 #poetry #writing #suicidal ideation #unhealthy thinking #vent #cw vent

[fumifooms]

Canines

The hand that feeds

Mickbell Tomas & Kuro Dungeon Meshi

^ 1: Ink-the-artist, I will remove my teeth / 2: Margaret Atwood / 3: C.S. Lewis, The Horse and His Boy / 4: Mitski, I’m your man / 5: Ojibwa, I love you like a rotten dog / 6: KotOR II / 7: Stardrop, Everything that’s ever been mine is covered in teeth marks / 8: Sodikken, People Eater / 9: Mitski, I’m your man / 10: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 11: Mitski, I bet on losing dogs / 12: maxime., The life and death of a dog / 13: hun, I did not bite with Malice / 14: C. Michael Davis, Don't Pet the Dragon / 15: Mitski, I’m your man

v 1: Early versions of the myth as in aeschylus orestes / 2: Ink-the-artist, I will not remove my teeth

#Yeahh i’m workng on a mickbell & kabru party analysis oops #I’d bleed for anything if it held me the right way. Even teeth #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #Mickbell tomas #kuro #mickuro #mickrin #It’s on topic in my heart #The red means I love you… #The duality between the care & devotion and the hurt & isolation is really what gets to me #Traumabonded kittens highkey #Tw #cw #cw abuse #tw abuse #Web weaving #web weave #webweaving #I hit 30 pics :( would have added more if i could #Idk even anymore… Pls tell me you see the vision #Mick obvi loves Kuro a lot but this was meant to focus on the unhealthy side if that wasn’t obvious. Abuse tactic of isolation etc etc #People always leave. doesn’t matter how or why but his parents his sister everyone he’s never enough to stay #and that’s why he thinks he has to trick Kuro into thinking Mickbell’s the whole world or he’ll discover that there’s more out there. #Stuff that’s worth leaving him for. He has to make the world scary and unknown and not pay him and not let him have connections #That’s why he doesn’t want people to have a choice!! Either Mickbell doesn’t care about you or he’ll make sure you can never be without him #and there being a third option/outcome in this freaks him out!!! #Some of these should be called ‘No Title’ instead but I have bad academic crediting etiquette this looks cooler sorry #He’s scared of course he bites. There’s only throwing bones when feeding a stray. So bare your teeth and chew me up

[reveregret]

What wouldn't I do to spend eternity with you?

I need to see you again. Nothing else matters. You define my every waking moment, every thought and wish. Every single thing I do is for you.

Won't you stay here with me?

nsfw/kink blogs DNI

#yan!!posting #actually obsessive #actually yandere #cw yandere #irl yan #irl yandere #lovesick #obsessive love #obsessive love disorder #obsessive thinking #obsessive thoughts #obsessive yandere #obslove #tw obsessive behavior #tw yandere #unhealthy love #unhealthy obsession #yancore #yandere #yandere community #yandere confession #yandere coping #yanderecore #yandere blog #yandere irl #yandere thoughts #yandere vent

[blinkpen]

beating myself with hammers time, check it-[CRUNCH]

#mog art #artists on tumblr #charlie k #zoetrope #monster boy #behold the power of My deeply unhealthy codependent gays (they'll get better) (i think) #necrin #drugs cw #alcohol cw #needles cw

[rascheln]

It's easier to miss and read over the sections where Moondae mentions cracking open a beer in the webnovel, but the manhwa is much less ambiguous about how often he drinks to destress.

Rereading from the beginning, it's also notable that within the first few paragraphs he notes that as Ryu Gunwoo he excessively drank the night before waking up due to failing the civil service exam.

#debut or die spoilers #alcoholism cw #<- well you can argue how much of this is an issue but it sure is a HABIT #and automatically drinking to cope with stress is about as unhealthy as you can imagine #i think if anyone but bae sejin had brought it up Moondae also wouldn't have been as inclined to listen about it #park moondae #meta

[arisaline73]

Owl House spoilers (for up to Hollow Mind) and bright image :]

(ps. its just collector)

i posted this to twitter, and now i post it to tumblr

[ID:  The Collector with his arms raised slightly, smiling straight ahead. He has no pupils, his eyes are blank. Behind him there is a glowing sun surrounded by the phases of the moon. Surrounding all that is a circle of blue and yellow stars with pink dots and white lines in between them. Small yellow, pink, and blue stars are scattered around them. The background is based on the projection from Elsewhere and Elsewhen.]

Bonus: the background only!

#the owl house #toh spoilers #the collector #toh collector #IM LITERALLY IN LOVE WITH HIM #IN AN UNHEALTHY WAY #I CANT STOP DRAWING HIM ITS SO BAD #did you guys know he canonically uses he/they i think #and when he pretends to have a coven symbol its on his left wrist #and he tried to capture owl beast eda when she was much younger #bright colors #cw bright colors #not me forgetting that tag whoops

[captainmera]

What does Camilla think about how skinny Hunter e is ?

Nice bait.

There will be no body shaming of any kind on my blog.

I'm sure you are well intended but I am going to say this now, so it is out there:

All bodies are beautiful. No shape, height, fitness or size equals unhealthy or healthy. I don't want to be part of the weird obsession people have nowadays.

But in good faith, and hoping I'm not stepping right into bait here, I'll answer the question beneath here:

(cw body-image and ED mentioned)

Let me say first that any body type for Hunter is fine in my book. Skinny, average, chubby, fat, fit - as long as he's a happy guy, I think any interpretation is good.

If you're implying his skinniness is out of maltreatment and abuse, I think it would solve itself by him just being in a better environment. It's not something Camila would have to bring up with him and make him self-conscious about.

If it was, she'd have to do it with all the other skinny characters too - you know, like her daughter. Who's skinnier than Hunter.

Yeah, Hunter is specifically described in the show as both "scrawny" and "sickly" when he's at Hexside (by Amity's siblings specifically), to give subtext that he has not been taken care of by Belos and is generally not doing so well. So I can see why Camila would be worried.

But again, I don't think that's something she'd have to have a targeted conversation about. 'Nor would his friends. He's in a safe place and he's treated well, his health would improve on it's own and probably without him even noticing or thinking about it.

Pointing it out would just make him aware there's something he "needs" to pay attention to. y'know, the opposite of being helpful.

I think the only thing Camila could say to him about how he looks would be "you look well" or "you are looking happier" once his health is improving. Y'know, positive affirmations. Things that makes a person feel better about themselves as a person, and not applying value to their appearance in a size/shape it's in.

If you are implying that Hunter has an ED, I'm going to shoot that duck where it stands and this conversation is over.

Not because it's a bad thing or even an unrealistic take on him - I can see that as him trying to have control over himself when he has no other control, especially in Belos' household.

But I don't want to talk about EDs or body sizes/types from an ED perspective.

As someone who has had everyone and their parents comment on my body my entire life, in every size it's been in, I just want to say that people share unsolicited opinions about peoples bodies too haphazardly and it is very rude and very damaging.

The "concern" is often from a selfish place of either morbid curiosity, moral righteousness, or a desire to know "tricks" whatever the cause for weight (not health) gain/loss is good or bad. It's all very judgemental.

Seldom have I ever received a compliment or concern that isn't with masked intent in regards to my appearance.

Please refrain from asking more body-image questions to me in the future.

I apologise if I have come off as cold and stern.

I hope you will forgive and allow my attitude.

that's all.

thanks.

;-;

#art reply #ask #asks #all bodies are beautiful #skinny doesn't mean unhealthy and neither does fat or chubby #Idk if this is discourse bait but if it looks like a duck and talks like a duck it's usually a duck #Also I have been dealing with a lot of body image issues #I think everyone's beautiful except myself #body image #tw #cw #cw body-image #leave me out of the discourse #ask mera

[magioffire]

ngl something that has been bugging me lately is the unspoken expectation that we, as roleplayers, must divide our energy and free time equally amongst everyone we interact with. this is just not realistic to expect of people. people are going to have favored rp partners. its completely normal and healthy for people to spend more energy and time on people they have fostered a close ooc relationship with. its super weird to shame people for consistently interacting with their friends on this hellsite. i know it can suck feeling like youre being left out of an experience, but trust me, you cannot artificially recreate that. not only does it take chemistry that sometimes people do not have ooc (doesnt mean we dont get along or arent compatible, just some people are *more* compatible with us) but it also takes work. time. the people we roleplay with on a consistent basis are often our best friends whom we talk to on a weekly if not daily basis. its something that is fostered through mutual understanding, expectations, preferences, and taste. like. its okay to have friends guys, its okay to put priority on your friends and favorite rp partners. it doesnt mean youre in a clique or 'neglecting' your other rp partners. and honestly reacting with jealousy and anonymous hostility towards people who are just trying to roleplay with eachother is super shady and petty behavior. such an 'FOMO' attitude will not earn you any level of friendship with anyone if you come at people with the expectation that their time and energy is some kind of thing you are entitled to, and not something that is at a premium for most people.

#like....if you lack that kind of friendship or closeness with anyone on this site and youre reacting with hostility and concern trolling #when you see people enjoying themselves #then that might be apart of the reason why youre not able to foster the same kind of roleplay relationships #sorry i had to get this off my chest because of certain anons that have been sent around to my roleplay partner #the jealousy and insecurity is....concerning to say the least. #i think i can speak for a lot of us when i say that i try my best to include everyone #give everyone a chance #but ultimately this is my space to have fun and im gonna work on what appeals to me most in the moment #and you know what if i just wanna roleplay with one or two of my friends for two weeks straight??? who cares??? #if my friends wanna do that (even if its with someone besides me) they can do that!! #like damn some people have very unhealthy expectations for roleplay #ooc. #rant cw #long post cw #also this isnt the first time something like this has happened. #recently.

[bloodbot-brian]

Having completely normal thoughts about jonny! (INCORRECT BUZZER)

#unhealthy relationships #cw unhealthy relationships #okay so like my brain is just destroyed by jonny and Brian thoughts recently I can’t stop making them miserable #need to explain how I think their relationship developed because I… I hate my brain and I love it too #will make an actual post about it soon #bear growls #the mechs #jonny d'ville

[monstermoviedean]

hi! i actually would liek to hear your thoughts on the whole "health" = "care" thing but i dont want to subject you to my followers on that one post so i'm asking you about it here instead 👀

oh i didn't want to subject you to a rant! but thanks for giving me the opportunity :) I just can't stand the idea that if you "take care of yourself" you will automatically be healthy, and that if you are unhealthy it's because you didn't do a good enough job taking care of yourself. side note that i think the concept of "healthy" in and of itself is an issue because it's predicated on a set of ideas that cannot and do not work for everybody.

but in this particular case what pisses me off is this common fanon construction: sam eats vegetables and runs = sam cares for himself = sam is healthy vs. dean eats burgers and doesn't run = dean does not care for himself = dean is unhealthy. also at play is dean's drinking, which i view as a serious disease influenced by social factors and his mental state, but which others view as a personal moral failing (dean drinks = dean doesn't care about his body = dean is unhealthy). i'm not saying either of them is healthy or unhealthy, just that i really don't think it's up for us to decide how healthy anyone else is, and especially not based on how much care we think they are or should be taking.

#cw alcohol #can you tell i've spent what feels like years of my life working on a definition of 'health' at work lmao #I also think the sam healthy dean unhealthy characterizations have a lot in common with sam smart dean dumb #which other people who are smarter than i have pointed out is rooted in a lot of classism #i think there is some classism at play here too #and ultimately is it a huge deal to decide whether fictional characters are healthy or not? no not really. #but that shit can easily translate into judging real life people and treating them differently based on your perception of their health #and especially with statements like dean can't be trusted because he's an alcoholic #which is how I read that ask about trusting sam vs dean to possess you #spn

[voiceintheblue]

Why are the helpers never helped?

Why is it that when the people working day and night to take care of other people go home, tired and emotional, no one steps in to say, "ok, your turn. You get to be taken care of now."?

Why do they just have to exhaust themselves over and over?

And then when they're done and tired and all used up, and they take themselves out, people ask why they've done it?

People say, "Oh but they were so happy! So helpful! So kind!"

God help the helpers

Before they crumble to dust

#writing #free writing #depression #prose #sad #cw suicidal ideation #cw unhealthy thinking

[platypusisnotonfire]

.

#I hate that SH works #like I know its unhealthy #but like I havnt slept in days #and I just cut and I feel SO ready to sleep am I think I’ll actually get a ful 7hrs #I feel more calm than I have in a week. #it’s so stupid. #SH shouldn’t work it’s so unhealthy #but i’m so tired #I just want to sleep #and I hate myself so much #I just need to sleep #sh tw #self harm tw #sh cw #self harm cw #I hope I tagged enough things to help people

[reveregret]

I hate being apart from you. It's sickening. Can't you understand that nothing matters more than you?

Please, don't ever go.

nsfw/kink blogs DNI

#yan!!posting #actually obsessive #actually yandere #cw yandere #irl yan #irl yandere #lovesick #obsessive love #obsessive love disorder #obsessive thinking #obsessive thoughts #obsessive yandere #obslove #tw obsessive behavior #tw yandere #unhealthy love #unhealthy obsession #yancore #yandere #yandere community #yandere confession #yandere coping #yanderecore #yandere blog #yandere irl #yandere thoughts #yandere vent

[chaotic-goodsir]

one of these days I'll learn to address the increasingly significant mental health and gender identity concerns in my life and not just project them onto fictional characters while trying to project those characters onto myself

but anyway gender spectrum from pete spankoffski to owen carvour hahaha am I right

#sorry im annoying and tired #wasting away at my job and using this site an unhealthy amount #but good things are happening next week so there's that #cw mental health #cw gender dysphoria #probably need a tag for these weird little rants i go on so people can block them #i should think of one

[scar-can-relate]

Hi hello, I wrote a poem.

Please proceed with caution!

CW unhealthy relationship with food

Cilantro

I say I eat everything

well except for cilantro

because of that gene you know

the one that makes everything

taste like soap

but yeah sure

everything else is fine

at least I'm eating haha

you know what I mean?

no honestly it's fine

I say I eat everything

(except for cilantro)

because it's easier

I mean the everything

not the cilantro of course

well you know I take a bit longer

when I don't like the texture

and have to convince my teeth

to bite through my food

but everyone does that right?

I say I eat everything

because when I start

to pick apart what I like

and what I don't like

I might not stop

there might not be

anything left to eat for me

if I only choose what I like

so I say I eat everything

except for cilantro

but even if there is cilantro

in the food that I get

that's no big deal

don't worry about me

it's fine

#would you look at that i made vent art #a friend told me i was very 'uncomplicated with food' and i did not manage to tell her that that's not the compliment she thinks it is #but i managed to write a poem about it #cw disordered eating #cw people pleasing #cw unhealthy relationship with food #poetry #this is scar creating #(<- not an English native speaker btw)