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#danny x sunny
hearts-hunger · 9 months
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a cowgirl's dream || danny wagner x reader
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Summary: You show Danny just how much you like his new cowboy hat. | Standalone in the Four Weddings universe
Pairings: Danny x Reader | Genres: porn without plot (minors begone!), fluff | Word Count: 2.3k | Warnings: unprotected piv, oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, a little bit of soft dom!Danny, sorry babe the cowboy hat stays on during sex
A/N: I feel like I ought to be ashamed of this slightly but I am 100% not. Cowboy hat Danny has me in a chokehold. Enjoy the product of my delusions besties!!! ♡
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“Danny!”
You boyfriend looked over at your voice as he came off stage, searching around the dim backstage area until he caught sight of you. A handsome grin lit his face when he did, and he wove through people and equipment until he got to you.
“Sunny!” he said. “How was the — ?”
He didn’t get a chance to finish his question, but he didn’t seem to mind that you’d cut him off as he eagerly leaned into the kiss you gave him. You stood on tiptoe and put your arms around his neck, and he leaned close to make it a little easier for you.
“Well, hello to you too,” he said when you let him come up for air. His cheeks were flushed and he gave you a beaming grin, thrilled at your eager attention.
“To what do I owe this warm welcome?” he teased, holding you close with a big hand splayed over the small of your back. 
You looked up at him dreamily, letting yourself enjoy a moment to take him in with all his post-show confidence and joy. He was shirtless and his skin was almost hot to the touch, damp with sweat and heady with the scent of his cologne; the little gold necklace he’d borrowed from you forever ago rested just above the hollows of his collar.
By far the most alluring part, though, was the sparkly silver cowboy hat atop his crown of curls. You were a little embarrassed to say so, but when he’d put it on during the last song, you’d gone completely crazy for it. Between the hat and the way he’d grinned and laughed at wearing it, you decided you couldn’t go one more minute without having him.
“Danny, I...” You bit your lip and ran you hands over his bare shoulders. “I need you.”
His smile turned a little crooked. “Is that so, sweet girl?”
The pet name sent a shiver through you, and he pulled you close when he felt it.
“Let’s get you what you need, then, huh?” he asked. 
You could only nod, utterly entranced by him, so in love with him and feeling a little dizzy at the effortless way he took control once you admitted what you wanted. You gave a hasty goodbye to the guys and spent the ride to the hotel being fidgety, breathless and blushing when Danny teased you with a hand on your thigh.
Up in your room, you practically threw yourself at him, and he was content to let you have your way with him for a few minutes. He tried to undress you, but you made it a little difficult as you didn’t want to be distracted from kissing him; he promised you as many kisses as you wanted when you were naked, and you let him undress you before he stripped to his boxers. He scooped you up and held you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, tilting his head back to give you better access as you kissed all over his face and neck.
“Sunny, sweetheart,” he said affectionately. “What’s got you in such a mood?”
“You’re complaining?” you teased.
He chuckled. “Of course not,” he said. “But I’m just wondering if there’s something special about tonight that’s got you so flustered.”
“Just you,” you said, and it was almost the truth. Danny drove you wild no matter what, but the more you kissed him in that hat, the more you wanted him to keep it on.
“Suits me,” he said, and he walked you to the bed and laid you back on it. You looked up at him and liked that he gave you a moment to just look at him, a crooked, self-satisfied smile tipping up the corner of his mouth as you did.
“Like what you see, sunny?” he asked.
Your breath caught. “You have no idea.”
He smirked and moved to hover over you, trailing kisses all down your body, telling you in his low voice how pretty you looked, how sweet and warm and lovely you were. You ran your hands all over him, loving the feel of his warm, tanned skin under your fingers.
“I love you,” you said.
He kissed the crest of your hip. “I love you too, sweetheart.”
He moved his kissed lower, kneeling at the edge of the bed and pulling you to him. You sucked in a breath when he pressed a kiss to the inside of your thigh.
“Danny, please,” you said.
You felt his smile against your skin. “Patience, baby. Be a good girl for me.”
You wanted to squeeze your legs together, needing friction, and he only chuckled.
“You like it when I tell you to be a good girl?” he said in a velvet voice. When you didn’t answer, he pulled your thigh to rest over his shoulder and turned his head to kiss it, the bridge of his nose nudging against you as he breathed you in.
“Answer me, pretty girl,” he said. “Do you like it when I tell you to behave?”
You took a shaky breath. “Yes, Danny.”
He nipped at your sensitive skin. “That’s my sweet girl. Now tell me something else — do you want me to eat you out?”
“Yes, please,” you all but whined. His teasing was agonizing, but you were so wet for him, and he’d barely touched you.
“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He reached to take his hat off, and you couldn’t stop yourself from blurting out what you’d been trying to keep a secret.
“Wait!”
He frowned a little as he looked up at you. “What’s wrong?”
You blushed vividly. “Um, I... uh....” You couldn’t bring yourself to say it, and he watched your face with a touch of worry.
“What is it, baby?” he asked, gentle and patient as he tried to set things right. “You change your mind? It’s okay if you did.”
You shook your head. “Um, no, I just...” You felt your face get hotter. “Oh, this is so embarrassing, but... can you keep the hat on?”
His expression changed from worry to confusion, and then from confusion to amusement.
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Um... yes?” you said in a small voice.
He grinned. “The hat is what’s doing it for you, huh?” He laughed. “Okay, baby. I’ll keep the hat on.”
You couldn’t bring yourself to be too worried about how silly it was to want him to keep it on, not when he set in on you with such enthusiasm and skill. He made sinful groaning noises in his throat as he licked and sucked and kissed, curling two fingers inside you as he buried his face between your thighs.
“Oh god, oh god — ” You moaned when he pressed your hips down and kept at you as you came. “Yes, Danny, yes, holy fuck .”
When he’d left you a mess beneath him, he looked up at you from under the brim of that stupid disco cowboy hat and gave you a cocky grin.
“Damn, honey. I guess you really do like the hat.”
You groaned and flopped back on the pillow. “Shut up.”
He laughed and pressed a few sloppy kisses to your thighs before he straightened and made quick work of his boxers. “Don’t be embarrassed, sweetheart.”
“You don’t think it’s stupid?”
“No way,” he said, running his hands over your thighs and hips and tummy, soothing you as he always did before he moved on to whatever he had in mind for the next act. 
He looked up at you. “Is this a good time to mention that I want you to wear a Santa hat every time we fuck in December?”
You half-laughed, half-groaned as you felt your face heat, and you hid behind your hands as he gave a warm, affectionate laugh.
“I’m sorry, honey,” he said, and you heard the smile in his voice. He moved onto the bed with you and gently moved your hands so he could kiss all over your blushed face. “I shouldn’t tease. I think it’s cute that it gets you all hot and bothered.”
“You promise?”
“I promise,” he said sweetly. His fingers traced between your legs, and you felt a fizzle of excitement and anticipation at the way he shifted his attention and his posture back to the task at hand. “I’ll keep it on while I fuck you, if you want.”
“Okay,” you said, still a little embarrassed by how much you liked it.
He smiled, flashing his little fangs as he put his hands on your hips. “Atta girl.”
He teased you for a minute, working you up again, his touch just light enough to drive you crazy.
“God, I could just eat you out all night,” he said with a reverent touch of the pad of his thumb to your clit. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, honey? You want me to eat your pussy until you cry?”
You gave a breathy little groan at the thought, knowing from experience that he could deliver if you said that's what you wanted. He used his free hand to press your thigh back down when you tried to squeeze your legs around his arm.
“Uh-uh, baby,” he said sweetly. “Let me see that pretty thing all wet for me.”
You wriggled under him. “Danny, please, I’m gonna cum again if you don’t stop.”
He hummed. “Well, I guess I won’t stop then.”
He rubbed fast circles exactly where you wanted them, and in a matter of seconds, you were dissolved under him again. He tipped his hat back before he leaned close and kissed love marks against your neck, and you gasped when you felt his cock against you.
“Get inside me,” you breathed.
He chuckled. “Bossy, aren’t you?”
“Please,” you begged. “I need you, Danny.”
“I know,” he said, saccharine sweet around the dizzying hint of condescension in his voice. “Poor thing. You need my cock to fill you up, don’t you, sweet girl?”
You could only nod, rendered speechless by the way he talked to you. Danny was usually so gentle and sweet, and you loved him that way, but the confidence and cockiness that radiated from him in the post-show haze always drove you crazy.
“You know how much I like to make love to you,” he said, splaying his fingers over your thighs as he pushed them apart. “All slow and sweet for my pretty girl.”
“Danny,” you whined. You’d take him any way you could, but you weren’t sure slow and sweet was exactly what you wanted this time.
He looked at you from under his lashes and smirked. “I like it when you beg for me, baby.”
He gripped your hips and ran his cock between your legs; you tried to focus, watching the way his thin gold necklace caught the dim light.
“I could make it nice and slow,” he said, “but I think we need something a little more — mmfh.” 
Both of you groaned when he buried himself to the hilt. 
“More athletic,” he said, a little breathless. “What do you think, honey?”
“Just fuck me,” you whimpered.
He flashed you a wicked grin. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”
You couldn’t have stopped the moan that tumbled from you as he started to drive into you, setting a hard, steady pace as his hips snapped against yours. You touched every part of him you could reach, gripping his arms, chanting his name, totally at the mercy of his strength and stamina.
“Holy fuck, Danny,” you managed, digging your nails into his shoulders, delirious with the feel of him inside and out. 
“God, baby, you feel so good,” he praised. His makeup was smudged and a few curls were plastered to his face with sweat. “So good for me, honey.”
“I’m gonna — oh, fuck —” You couldn’t even get the words out before you were cumming again, and he groaned with pleasure as you squeezed around him.
“Jesus,” he breathed. “Hold on.”
With practiced skill, he moved so you were on top; you whined at the delicious oversensitivity and the way his arms went around you to get you where he wanted you. You braced your hands against his chest and tried to catch your breath as you felt him inside you at this new angle.
“Save a horse, ride a cowboy, huh?” you laughed, breathless.
He grinned. “Something like that.” He took the hat from his head and put it on you, albeit a little crookedly. “Here.”
You straightened it and looked down at him with a teasing smile. “How does it look?”
He gave a low whistle. “You know, honey, I think I get why you like it so much.”
You giggled and leaned close, and he propped himself up to hold you to him as he gave you hungry, breath-stealing kisses.
“Get to it, cowgirl,” he said with a smirk.
You swiveled your hips and loved the way his breath caught. “Maybe you ought to mind your manners, cowboy.”
You gave him one last kiss and pushed him back onto the pillows, and he looked up at you with nothing short of adoration and dizzying desire. You started to move, taking your time now that you were the one holding the power, and he gave a little whine as his Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Holy lord,” he said pitifully. “Uh, honey, I think I overestimated how cool I could be about this.”
You gave a sweet laugh, endeared by his honesty and his obvious desire for you. You kissed his neck and under his jaw.
“I don’t mind,” you said. “Cum for me when you need to, baby.”
He swore under his breath and gripped your hips hard enough to leave bruises as you worked him up to his high. He brought you back down on him, hard, and you threw your head back.
“Fuck, Danny,” you gasped.
“I’m so close, baby,” he panted. “Cum with me.”
He moved his hand between you, and you saw stars as you came with him inside you. He followed right after, groaning and pulling you close to him until both of you were spent.
You both took a second to catch your breath, and he tipped your hat back so he could give you a good, long kiss.
“Thank you,” he said breathlessly, holding you close to him.
You twirled his soft curls around your fingers. “My pleasure. I love you, Danny.”
“I love you too, sunshine.” He kissed your neck, his strong arms wrapped around you, his nose bumping against your jaw in a familiar touch that made you smile.
“You know what?” he asked.
“Hm?”
“I think the hat needs a permanent place in our toy box.”
You laughed and pressed close to him, feeling his smile when you kissed him. “Suits me, cowboy.”
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danny taglist:@tearsofbri@busybeingtrash@myway-late@gotavansleep@gretavanbri@stardustchxrds@pxppylove @mariegvf @bajabule69 @radmads-gvf@sunnykiszka@audgeppp
gvf taglist:@malany-gvf@spark-my-nature@eearevee@madneedshelp@demonrat444@josh-iamyour-mama @honeyandsweettae @mydarlingdanny@gretavandann@sacredjake@myleftsock@joshskittytickler21@hellowgoodbye@watchingovergvf2@fearfulspirit@mywaysoon@carbondancingthroughtime@caprisunsister @eraofstardustchords @sacredthefran@shesawomaninadream @serendipiti @demonrat444@wildflowerxx-x @tearsofdanny
@gvfrry@ohhey1293@the-chaotic-cow@mountain-in-springtime@xserenax-13@stardustjtk @brooke-gvf@weightofdreams-gvf@jakeydoesit@gretasmokerising@hayley1623@doodle417@finestoflines@brokenbellz@bowievanfleet@s0livagant@strugglingtodoshit@s-u-t@kay-jordan@gretavanfleas@jakeyboiiiiiii@gretavansteph@gretavanbitches@myownparadise96@luverleaver@weightofdreamz@greatervanfleet@maedesculpaeusoubi@jakekiszkasbestie@pineapple-photographer@baguettejuliette@alexxavicry@levi-wants-ur-bones@carlybubs@cowboysamkiszka@dannyandthekiszkas@jordierama@slutforsteve@starshine-wagner@quartzzzzzzz@edgeofdreams@writingcold @lostoverseer @catharu77 @mackalah@jaketlove @haileygvf @blacksoul-27 @ur-m0ms-blog
sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here! ♡
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sunnytastic · 1 year
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truer words have never been spoken
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therandomartmaker · 1 year
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What If/Prompt DP X DC
Danny plops into the DC universe, either clockwork shenanigans or runaway, or ghost king duties. He’s learnt from his stint as Phantom and whatever identity reveal/wes weston shenanigans that he probably shouldn’t use the name “Danny” especially since he’s in a new world where he doesn’t know how much people will care about identities, or like, how people would react to ‘Danny’ as the name for a king that’s supposedly thousands of years old.
He won’t be using his Human side much in this new world, only his ghost form, because he’s either on ghost business or for a vacation where his rogues won’t just keep getting stronger or Clockwork needing him to run ‘errands.’
So, of course, he has to choose a new name for his Ghost King Persona to go by.
He chooses ‘Lazarus.’
He doesn’t know Lazarus Pits exist, but the JL sure as hell does, and this green death-themed hero sure sounds like a bad omen.
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mondodisco · 2 months
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Am I the only one who can’t take seriously IASIP sweet fan content? Like I love to hate them all so much and they’re such horrible people that every time I see Mac x Dennis fan art and them just being sweet to each other I just laugh because I know they would beat each other up. Couple goals
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stealingyourbones · 1 year
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For your consideration, one full and clean horse skull.
As for words, I don't have as many this time but if you'll indulge me kind being, a favorite headcanon of mine has always been that Tim is of Russian decent. His father is from Gothem but his mother is from Russia. He grows up speaking both languages to try to gain more affection from his mother, not knowing that she dislikes her own heritage. Tim meanwhile takes great fascination in studying the folk lore and traditions of his mother's home.
One thing that Tim very much hopes for when he is young is to one day go and spend at least a few months in Moscow and Saint Petersburg and Irkutsk and dozens of other cities. In everything Tim researches he finds that the thing that would most hold him back from this dream is not money or distance or responsibilities, but the weather itself. It is far colder there than even Gothem. So Tim at the very young age of 5 decides that since Drake Manor has central heating and cooling, he will simply start getting used to the temperature now, lowering the temperature inside the house by 5 degrees every month.
Over the years, between following Batman and Robin on cold, dark, rainy nights and keeping his house so cold that in the depths of winter he could keep the windows open without issue (not that he ever would, Tim is smarter than that) he becomes practically immune to the cold. So much so that he finds the Batcave almost unbearably warm while the others find it cool. Tim does not refuse to stay in the Manor due to thinking he doesn't belong, but because they keep the thermostat at roughly 70 degrees year rough and that temperature has Tim nearly sweating. Not that he would ever tell them that, the mere thought of admitting this "weakness" makes his face scarlet with embarrassment.
Due to all of this, Tim's favorite villain to fight is without a doubt Mister Freeze, especially during the summer! He makes it such a more tolerable temperature! So when Tim feels a sudden burst of cold as he takes his iced expresso from the frankly very attractive batista, Tim gets excited and looks around. Only Freeze isn't around and there isn't any screaming, just a confused black haired batista.
It takes Tim an embarrassing amount of visits to put together that the Barista, Danny Nightingale, is the one causing the cold spots. He's attractive and a personal freezer? Maybe if Tim can woo him and bring him back to the manor he could stand to spend more than a few hours there before he starts to overheat.
Most people stay away from Danny because of the cold he radiates. Having someone who views the cold as a turn on is a pretty nice change of pace.
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lixxen · 24 days
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Thinking about writing a Danny Phantom x It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia fic as warm up to get back into the groove for IB (it will be a Ghost King Danny fic)
The plot would be where Danny and the crew take a trip to Philly as a 17th birthday present to Danny. They're exploring and having fun, but then run into the gang
The gang is just out being insufferable when suddenly Charlie turns to stare at a gaggle of teenagers who the gang noticed gushing over something dumb. Charlie looks a bit starstruck and shaken up and they don't get it
Charlie tells them to give him a second and he runs over to talk to Danny. Danny's ghost sense goes off and he turns to see this 28 year old human running up to him. He then realizes that this human is the ghost. Charlie starts to ramble to Danny about how cool it is to meet the Ghost King in person. He doesn't personally know a ton of ghosts or doesn't go into the ghost zone because there's no portal in Philly and he's just out there on his own. He's just a random ghost in some town
He's also amazed over meeting the ghost king??? Hello??
It's revealed that Charlie died when he was like... 15 from his uncle killing him to cover up the y'know. Charlie became a ghost instead and his obsession is Mac and his friends. Charlie is convinced that him wanting Mac to not be upset basically saved him from disappearing. The kids are so confused and accept he's Just A Guy and feel bad for him
Charlie gives Danny his number and says that if he ever needs anything, he can call or come find him. Then he runs off to his friends and say that the kid is some distant relative who he hadn't seen in a while. The gang has no idea Charlie is dead. They assume the comments about ghosts and stuff is fake, so they literally have no idea he's dead. He also has perfected his ghost form to match their aging. That's his power p much
Anyways.
Danny does actually cash in that favor. And keep contact with Charlie. He enjoys talking to Charlie. He sends letters in Ghost Speak because Charlie can only read/write in Ghost Speak and Irish. The gang is bewildered by Charlie receiving letters in some made up language and HE CAN READ IT
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dragonshoardofworks · 3 months
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Danuary24_ Free Day (+ Voyage?)
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I'm a bit late because I wanted to clean the sketches digitally, but @crossoverdanuary you can blame @cleanlenins and their birthday present for this idea! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)
In this crossover, when the Portal Incident happened, Danny got Isekai-ed into the One Piece World early in the East Blue saga (still haven't decided exactly when).
It's also (back in Amity) a No One Knows AU, so when the Portal started working "out of nowhere", Danny seemingly disappeared in the same period (no one could actually pinpoint when, though, due to neglect).
Was Danny friends with Tucker and Sam? Did they even exist in this Amity at all? No clue, but the only thing I know for certain is that Danny was a lonely boi...
Until the Strawhats happened, that is.
Like canon, Danny needed a while to start learning how to use his powers, which were such a trial and error thing that he ended getting a slightly different "moveset", so to speak:
Basic common powers + Ghost Form_ ✓
Ice powers_ ✓ (after Drum/Alabasta)
Overshadowing_ X (technically he still could, but has no idea it's a viable option)
Weakness to the Seastone_ ✓ (it has the same properties as the Ectoranium)
Telekinesis_ ✓
Ghostly Wail_ ✓ (post Water 7, if you know what I mean) However, it leaves him so drained that in addition to going back to human form, he's also unable to move for a while (pre-time skip)
Devil Fruit Sense_ ✓ (works like Ghost Sense)
Duplication_ X
(NEW) Spiritual Extraction:
If an object has enough personality/presence, Danny can extract/create a spiritual projection (or even a ghost if the physical object is destroyed) of it. The "blob ghosts" thus created are capable of interacting (minor powers included) with the material world depending on how much of his ectoplasm he feeds them. The Going Merry is the first example of it (AKA the first pic), followed shortly after the Gomu Gomu no Mi and the Hito Hito no Mi (Luffy and Chopper's Devil Fruits). (Oddly enough, the Hana Hana no Mi and the Hono Hono no Mi, Nico Robin's and Ace's fruits respectively, can't be projected, but they dismiss it as Danny's weird biology.) Few other objects that can be affected include the Wado Ichimonji, the Sandai Kitetsu and Luffy's Hat. (Still deciding what else to add.)
More details under the cut (Lenn it will definitely be spoiler-y for you, since you're still at Water 7, so read at your own risk! (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠) )
As you probably have already guessed if you're following the Japanese scans, the reason Luffy's fruit can be projected is because it's a Zoan.
The reason for this is that the manga said that Zoan have their own personality (which could overwhelm the user if their will isn't strong enough) and so I interpreted that this implies also a spirit/soul within!
(Thus, in the second pic, the mini swirly sun over the sleeping Danny, Merry and Sunny is Nika, who's bewildered by the mere concept of staying still and resting. You should move and have fun!!)
Other spoilery plot things include:
Usopp never deflected at Water 7 (there was still angst about the physical death of the Merry, but having her literal spirit hanging out with and scolding you if you were spiraling helped immensely);
Franky's personality (since he's one of his creators) rubbed off Sunny, so he's prone to join him in his dances and screaming "SUUUUUPEEEERRR!";
Danny gives off passive harmless ectoplasm radiations (moreover when he's in ghost form) that the Merry feed on when she's a full ghost and so doesn't need any active recharge;
because of his high metabolism, Danny has to eat either a lot (not Luffy-levels) or food choke-packed of nutrients. They also notice that the rawer the meat, the less Danny needs to eat (since it has higher content of non-degraded ectoplasm);
As I was writing the previous point, a thought occurred to me: could this also be a Ghost Hunger AU where Danny also feeds on emotions? 🤔 Let's keep it on maybe, because with Luffy around it would be like a nuclear reactor to feed on. No, I changed mind again, it's a YES, because there's no Ambient Ectoplasm in the One Piece world (contrary to what I headcanon Amity Park), so the only way for Danny to survive at all would be to stay on Luffy's side almost constantly.
And this leads me to the timeskip separation: because of the battle with Kizaru and the Pacifistas, and consequent use of 1-2 Wails, Danny has to retreat to his Core (first time ever happened), causing panic and forcing Luffy to stash it in the ribbon of his hat due to the heat of the battle (and so be separated along with him).
Danny stays unconscious two whole arcs, until Luffy is about to die of poison on Level 5 of Impel Down. He still hasn't enough energy to manifest outside his Core, but he gives his Captain as much as he could to keep him alive until the Okamas find and save them; he continues to do so even during the Hormone Treatment, having received a boost from Bon Kure and the others' emotional cheering.
After a short rest (he fainted) made during the escape, Danny wakes up again at Luffy's Conqueror Haki shout and given how much death and despair there's in the air, he's able to manifest again and speed up the rescue.
Who lives and who dies? No clue, but given my bleeding heart, Ace Lives, but not without grave injuries for the three of them (maybe so much that Danny ends again into his Core).
I just realized that this could end with Danny adopted officially into the ASL (Luffy had already started the process)... Our boy Danny is so Adoptable™ LMAO
Sabo regains his memories at the news of the close call and hijacks any mode of transportation to reach the trio. Two years timeskip happen with quartet bonding and training, then into the New World We Go!
Nothing else comes to mind at the moment, but I guess that I already said enough, don't I? (≧∇≦)
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silverorchideon · 1 year
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I LIVE AND AM USING MY GRUBBY HANDS TO GET INTO DANNY PHANTOM AND OF COURSE I MAKE IT OMORI-THEMED
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Okay, no but seriously. Things have been happening (not anything too stressful, just a few more school projects before the end of the year), and art block has kicked me down hard, so sorry there really wasn't much.
I got into Danny Phantom, and immediately made an OMORI AU of it, (or rather an OMORI DP AU), and this came out, along with this fic, Phantoms Linger in the Mind.
Also, I made most of this art using this study on Reddit to give it a more OMORI feel.
Please ask anything you want about this au, I have so many thoughts™.
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Delenn: John?
Sheridan: hm?
Delenn: who is this… um, “Daniel of Life” that appears in much of human media?
Sheridan: Daniel… of Life?
Delenn: I think that's the translation, anyway, but I'm n-
Sheridan: do you mean Danny DeVito?
Delenn: yes, who is he?
Sheridan: he’s the trash man!
Delenn: the *trash* man?
Sheridan: yeah, the trash man- he throws trash all over the ring! and then he- he starts eatin’ garbage! and then he picks up the trash can, and he bashes the guy on the head!
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longlivelindanny · 10 months
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blissfulalchemist · 2 years
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Analie Spector // Lizette Rojas // Danny Rojas-Estrada-Brooks NatexAria Adopted // NatexAria Biological // ConnerxTia Niko and Aria Kids! So special they get their own row!
Got tagged by a good amount of people @shallow-gravy @strafethesesinners @indorilnerevarine @shellibisshe @preachercuster @adelaidedrubman to make some ocs in this picrew and I uh....had a little too much fun making second gen kiddos. Many do not have names apologies....okay only two have names but its hard to pick names okay D': Tagging: @belorage @florbelles @heroofpenamstan @blackreaches @celestialissues @themarcspector @confidentandgood and anyone else that wants too feel free to tag me!
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hearts-hunger · 11 months
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with your head on my shoulder || danny wagner x reader
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Read on AO3 | Masterlist
Summary: You have a bad dream, and Danny's there to take care of you. | Standalone fic in the Four Weddings universe
Pairings: Danny Wagner x Reader | Genres: fluff, hurt/comfort, slight angst | Word Count: 1.7k | Warnings: none! | Title song: “Strawberry Wine” by Noah Kahan
A/N: Of course Danny and Sunny are what gets me out of this writing dry spell! This is just pure fluff with no plot to speak of, but I hope you like it ♡
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You woke with a start, heart pounding, your breath catching in your chest. You sat up in bed and tried to find anything familiar in the darkness of your room, needing to ground yourself on something other than the horrible images racing through your mind.
You made yourself take a deep breath. It was only a nightmare. You were safe in your own bed; despite the storm that sent heavy rain against your window, everything was quiet and peaceful. You were home, and you knew Danny was close by. You were safe.
Those realizations, as comforting as they were, didn’t erase the fear of the nightmare. Your heart was still racing, adrenaline making you ill; you wished you weren’t alone in your bedroom. But Danny was sleeping on the couch, driven out of your bedroom by a fight you’d started.
You felt awful now for what you’d said. It had been so stupid, so needlessly unkind; you’d been tired and frayed from a long, frustrating day at work, and you’d taken it out on him. Instead of being sweet to him when he came home, you’d started in on him for how late he was, and it had quickly escalated from there.
You’d stormed off to bed, and he hadn’t joined you. Now, when you wanted to go to him for comfort, you didn’t know if he’d even want to talk to you.
You walked quietly out to the living room and saw Danny asleep on the couch, as comfortable as he could get with his lanky limbs either scrunched close or hanging off the edge. You felt a pang of guilt as you looked at him; you should have been the one to sleep on the couch, since you’d started the fight in the first place. You bit your lip and debated just going back to your bedroom, wondering if he’d be even more upset with you if you woke him.
Lightning flashed outside, and all thought of going back to your bedroom alone went right out the window. You fairly flew to Danny’s side, unsettled and frightened and needing comfort.
“Danny,” you said softly, standing by the couch and nervously twisting the fabric of his t-shirt you were wearing.
He turned his head towards you. “Wassa matter?” he mumbled. 
“Danny,” you said again, a little desperately.
His eyes fluttered open, and worry and surprise colored his sleepy expression when he saw you.
“Sunny?” he said, his voice gravelly with sleep. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m — ” All of a sudden, seeing him look up at you with such care and concern, you felt terrible for waking him over something so silly. You wrestled with regret and wanted to be close to him so badly you ached with it.
“I — I’m fine,” you managed. “It’s stupid. I’m sorry, Danny. I shouldn’t have bothered you.”
You turned to go, but he took your wrist in a gentle grip to make you stay.
“Hey, hold on,” he said. He tugged you towards him, and you knelt beside the couch. 
“You’re not bothering me,” he said gently. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
You felt a rush of tears, and you rested your head against his chest to hide them.
“Bad dream,” you said in a small voice. “And the storm.”
“Oh, honey.” He stroked a hand over your hair. “I’m sorry. Come here.”
He moved over to make room for you on the couch, and when you raised your head to look at him, your vision was blurred with tears.
“Are you sure?” you asked.
He looked a little stricken. “What do you mean, am I sure?” He brushed a few tears from your cheek, and you leaned into his touch.
“Because of our fight,” you said, and your voice was watery and tight. “I… I understand if you’re still mad at me, Danny.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, just looked over your face with all the tenderness in the world as he brushed your hair back from your face.
“Come here,” he said again, and you did as he said. You cuddled as close to him as you could get, burying your face in the crook of his neck as he wrapped an arm snugly around you. 
“My sweet sunshine,” he said gently, and it was comforting to hear the soft rumble of his voice in his chest.
“I’m not angry any more,” he said. “And even if I had been, you can always, always come to me when you’re scared or need my help. No matter what. Okay?”
You nodded, feeling more tears come. “Okay.” You pressed closer to him. “I love you.”
He ran a soothing hand over your back. “I love you too, sweetheart.” He pulled the blanket up over you and tucked you in next to him. “Try and get some rest, sunny. I’m right here.”
You didn’t say that you didn’t think you could get back to sleep; you knew he was tired, and you were content to snuggle close to him and rest in the love he gave you so generously. You played with his hair, twirling his soft curls around your fingers, and felt yourself relax by degrees.
You were almost dozing when a roll of thunder broke the quiet, and you jumped and pressed closer to Danny.
“Hey, hey,” he soothed, startled out of sleep by your sudden movement. “It’s okay, sunny. ‘S just thunder.”
“Sorry,” you said pitifully.
“That’s okay, baby,” he said softly. He kissed your forehead. “Did you sleep at all?”
You shook your head. He propped himself up on his arm, looking down at you; his curls were a little frizzy around his head like a halo, and his eyes were tired.
“Hi,” you said.
He gave you a crooked smile. “Hi, sunny.” He brushed his thumb over your cheek. “I’m sorry you can’t sleep.”
“I’m sorry I’m keeping you up,” you said.
He shook his head. “I don’t mind.” He carefully untangled himself from you and the blankets as he got up from the couch.
“Where are you going?” you asked, hesitant.
“Bathroom,” he said. “And then I thought I’d make you some tea.” He stretched and gave a little groan. “We ought to get a more comfortable couch.”
“Maybe I just shouldn’t start fights with you before bed,” you said in a meek voice.
He chuckled and leaned to give you a quick kiss. “Maybe.”
You huddled into the blankets and pillows still warm with Danny’s body heat, listening to the loud patter of rain on the roof and the occasional peal of thunder. They didn’t bother you so much now that Danny was up; even though you were grateful for the way he’d taken care of you already, it made you feel better to not be the only one awake.
“You want to watch a movie?” he asked. You heard the soft clink of mugs being taken down from the cabinet, and you sat up to watch him over the back of the couch. He’d found one of his comfy sweaters and tied his hair back in a messy bun, and you liked how the kitchen looked even more homey with him in it.
He looked over his shoulder. “Sunny?”
“Hm? Oh, sorry.” You propped your chin in your hand. “Sure. What do you want to watch?”
He poured two mugs of tea and stirred a little bit of honey into each of them. “We could watch Planet Earth,” he said. “That’s a good one to fall asleep to.”
You smiled. “Yeah, but which one? We can never agree on which episode is the best.”
He gave a soft laugh. “Let’s put on your favorite one, sunny. The forest episode, right?”
You hummed in agreement, and you followed him with your gaze as he carefully brought your tea over. He set the mugs on the coffee table and got comfortable beside you, searching through Netflix for the episode you wanted.
“Hey, Danny?”
“Hm?”
When you didn’t say anything, he looked over at you. “What is it, sunny?”
You reached a hesitant, apologetic hand out to him; you touched your fingers to the worn shoulder seam of his sweater.
“I’m sorry I fought with you when you got home,” you said in a quiet voice. “I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you.” You met his eyes. “I’m sorry, Danny.”
He leaned close and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “Thank you. I’m sorry too, for arguing when I could have tried to help. Forgive me?”
You rested your head against his shoulder. “Of course.”
The two of you drank your tea — Sleepytime Honey, Danny’s favorite for late nights — and listened to David Attenborough narrate the wonders of forested tundras. 
“Sunny,” Danny ventured after a while. “Do you want to try and sleep in the bedroom?”
You didn’t answer right away, knowing you wouldn’t give the answer he wanted to hear and feeling guilty for it. He read your hesitation and gave you a tired smile.
“You’d rather stay out here, wouldn’t you?” he asked.
“You don’t have to stay,” you said. You didn’t want to go back into your bedroom tonight, worried it would remind you of your nightmare, but you knew he wanted to. “Why don’t you go lay down, honey?”
“I don’t want you to be alone,” he said. He tucked the blankets more closely around you. “So if you want to stay, I do too.”
You gave him a wobbly smile. “Thanks.”
He gave you a gentle kiss. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
You watched the episode in companionable silence for a while as the storm continued outside. Danny started to doze with his tea in hand, and you gently took his mug from him and set it next to yours on the coffee table.
“Thanks,” he mumbled, half-asleep. “You okay?”
“Yes,” you said softly, giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek. You snuggled against him and leaned your head on his shoulder, tucking your hands under his arm.
“Wake me up if you need anything,” Danny said after a moment, his voice heavy with sleep. “You promise?”
Your throat felt a little tight. You were so thankful for the way he cared for you; tomorrow, he’d have gotten a night of broken sleep and be sore from sleeping on the couch, but he loved you enough to stay with you when you needed him, even when it was less than comfortable.
You cuddled close and let yourself rest against him. “Yeah, I promise.”
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danny taglist:@tearsofbri@busybeingtrash@myway-late@gotavansleep@gretavanbri@stardustchxrds@pxppylove @mariegvf @bajabule69 @radmads-gvf
gvf taglist:@malany-gvf@spark-my-nature@eearevee@madneedshelp@demonrat444@josh-iamyour-mama @honeyandsweettae @mydarlingdanny@gretavandann@sacredjake@myleftsock@joshskittytickler21@hellowgoodbye@watchingovergvf2@fearfulspirit@mywaysoon@carbondancingthroughtime@caprisunsister @eraofstardustchords @sacredthefran@shesawomaninadream @serendipiti @demonrat444@wildflowerxx-x
@gvfrry@ohhey1293@the-chaotic-cow@mountain-in-springtime@xserenax-13@stardustjtk @brooke-gvf@weightofdreams-gvf@jakeydoesit@gretasmokerising@hayley1623@doodle417@finestoflines@brokenbellz@bowievanfleet@s0livagant@strugglingtodoshit@s-u-t@kay-jordan@gretavanfleas@jakeyboiiiiiii@gretavansteph@gretavanbitches@myownparadise96@luverleaver@weightofdreamz@greatervanfleet@maedesculpaeusoubi@jakekiszkasbestie@pineapple-photographer@baguettejuliette@alexxavicry@levi-wants-ur-bones@carlybubs@cowboysamkiszka@dannyandthekiszkas@jordierama@slutforsteve@starshine-wagner@quartzzzzzzz@edgeofdreams@writingcold @lostoverseer @catharu77 @mackalah @jaketlove @haileygvf @blacksoul-27 @ur-m0ms-blog
sorry if tumblr didn’t tag you — it’s stupid sometimes. but i’m real thankful for you, sweet peaches! and if you’re a new bestie and would like to be added to my taglist, check out the form right here!
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sunnytastic · 1 year
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today on sunny pinterest:
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as usual none of these are mine. i am simply a curator
we can thank @sunnykeysmash for no9
thanks to @doriangrayofficial for no7
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findroleplay · 2 years
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Hi there! I am a 25 year old looking for literate, 3rd person 21+ roleplayers to do MxM romance set in fandom universes! Below you will find what I am still searching for:
Adventure Time
Aggretsuko
Back 4 Blood
Danny Phantom
Hunter x Hunter
Komi Can’t Communicate
My Hero Academia
My Dear Hatchet Man
Pokémon
Scott Pilgrim (comic)
Something’s Wrong With Sunny Day Jack
Star vs the Forces of Evil
TMNT (AUs+2012)
Total Drama
Yugioh
All characters will be aged to 21+
I am OCxCanon/double friendly and can do any gender pairing for your side! If interested, heart this post and we can exchange discords!
-
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bejeweled-wahlberg · 1 month
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OMG 😱
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callmewrinkles3 · 2 months
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Castles Crumbling - DR3 x Fem!OC
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Summary: There's just four races to go until Em never has to be near McLaren again, but her anxiety isn't getting any better. With fractures growing in their friendships and people in the media talking, how could it? Not even a gift from her husband could help.
Words: 15.5k
Warnings: The 2022 F1 season, COTA 2022, mental health issues (anxiety, depression, social anxiety, issues with food, one instance of accidental self injury), Zak Brown opening his mouth, hospitals, mentions of assumed domestic abuse, medical staff, smut.
AN: Remember us? Yeah it's been a while, we know. But we're back! Tumblr is a mess right now and with this we decided to make it worse. Please, please heed the warnings here. This is probably the lowest point Em gets to, and it's not a good place. It’s a hard, complicated one. If it's not something you feel comfortable reading, that's alright. Stay safe out there. See you around. 🫰🏻
October 2022
Em had no idea why she was so nervous the day they got to Texas. There was absolutely no reason to be, they'd had some time off and it had been lovely. Her anxiety kept going up and making her stress which was the last thing she wanted. She was tucked in under Dan's arm, their friends were there, and they were in one of her favourite places in the world. Even if when Dan asked her what she wanted to do on their days off she'd said nothing. She didn't have the energy to do it.
The cancelled Russian GP felt like a miracle, giving them a full three weeks off instead of a week in London and one in Sochi. It was an oasis after the triple header of Spa, Zandvoort, and Monza. As soon as Dan finished media after the Monza curse kicked in they left the circuit. Like the year before they were holding hands, but this time it was anger and misery. He'd been on for points. Good points. And then the car just died under him. Fuck McLaren.
They'd gone straight to their favourite pizza place, getting a smile from the staff when Em ordered in Italian. Even the Tifosi in the restaurant chilled around them. There were nods and smiles, Em returning them when she could. It was there to the hotel for some sleep, and the next morning they had quick goodbyes to everyone before renting a car and driving up to Lake Como.
It was normal for them to have a getaway in Italy after races. It started with the beach trip after their first night together in Monaco, and 2019 was the nights in Milan after two impossible feeling races. But finally, after a quarantine year that cancelled their plans and then Em having to cancel them when Dan won. But finally they got to spend their time together. Dan had promised her that even if he won they were still going.
But the car gave up, so instead they said goodbye to Blake and Micahel for three days away. Em adored them, but she'd spent so much time with them that they weren't her usual safe places. Things with Michael still felt awkward, and time apart just felt right. The three days were spent alone, actually getting to wear their rings while they tanned, ate pizza and pasta, and spent hours making love on any surface they could.
The best part of the three weeks off wasn't sunny Italy, it was going to Perth. Dan had to be at the MTC for two days for sim duty before the double header so they went back to London, but as soon as they could they were on the direct flight from London to Perth to see family. It had only been two months since they'd seen Joe and Grace, but they hadn't seen the rest of the family since the super quick trip they'd made to Perth after they got back together.
All they wanted to do was hug the kids and be home. They just wanted to be uncle Danny and auntie Emmy. Even thought it was winter it was warmer than Em was used to. It was healing being back at the farm. Silence at night, family arriving in the late morning or early afternoons, it was perfect. Either they went to see people or people came back to see them at the farm for a full two weeks.
It helped Em's anxiety lessen, as did the regular therapy sessions. They had one on a Monday evening while Em was in Perth, set for a time where no matter where in the world she was she'd be able to make it. On race weeks she had one on Thursdays too. Plus seeing the constant smile on Dan's face while he was home. That put a smile on hers. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her Danny, and Em would do anything in her power to make sure he was.
The fun days ended all too soon, hugging everyone goodbye and promising to see them in Abu Dhabi for Isaac's birthday before they went back into the swing of things. Singapore and the race wasn't bad, Dan finishing with 10 points. But Japan was awful. Lando barely in front but the team acting like he was on the podium, and the weather and recovery vehicles. Dan had talked to her about Jules once before, about losing one of his best friends as a result of those conditions on that track. Her heart was in her throat as she watched Dan go around and round. It was another weekend watching the man she loved be disappointed at a track he adored, but at least they got to spend a week in London before Texas.
Once they got on the plane to head to the US, Em could feel the nerves building in her. It was different from the - high grade if she was honest - anxiety that she usually had most days. This time there was a reason. Dan was showing her the house he bought them that she still hadn't seen in person.
It had started from 2019 when she was tipsy and half asleep and whispered it while dozing in his arms that Austin would be a nice place to live. Since then he'd been searching, revealing it to her when they were in Montreal. The original plan was an apartment with a balcony and natural light, but getting that in the delivery radius of their favourite barbecue place was nearly impossible. And then between the pandemic and everything it turned into wanting so much more than a one bedroom apartment. Plus hiding it from the woman who he spent almost every waking moment with felt impossible.
He'd signed the papers when she was in Liverpool, a desperate dream that maybe Em would come back to him.
Telling himself it was an investment and worth it even when he wasn’t fully sure it was. He knew in his heart he’d never rent it out but he had to try something. It was a total lie. But then he flew down to Texas before landing in Miami to sign for the house. The original plan had been to show her when she arrived in Miami. Dan’s sick hope that she’d turn up. But then she didn’t and he just kept hoping until she was finally there.
They’d said they’d stop off on the way to Montana, fly an extra few hours so Em could see it. But she was too fragile and exhausted and trying to put her pieces together. Then it was the summer break but the news about losing his job put the kibosh on that. So finally they were in Austin and couldn’t be disturbed and Em was about to see their home.
October had felt like it would be a lifetime away then. It would be autumn and starting to get cooler. But then she was there and they’d landed in Texas, gone through immigration and were in the rental car on the way to their brand new home.
It was scarier than moving into their apartment in London had been. London had been quick, necessity thanks to living in an Airbnb and needing to find somewhere to pick together. There’d been two weeks thanks to Dan between viewing it and getting the keys. But they’d viewed it holding hands, decided what room would be what.
This was different. Dan had picked it out entirely on his own, she’d had no idea. And she’d known about it for five months, desperately wanting to see more than the photos. If Em was honest she’d half thought the photos weren’t right, the oh so normal suburban home with a little garage attached. But as Dan put the car into park in their driveway it hit her. This was their home.
A lot of the time they had similar tastes. Food, music, and clothes were the big ones, they’d match in a lot of ways. When it came to TV and movies and podcasts they had differences, but unless it was one of his UFC podcasts she was usually happy to watch what he wanted, the same way he’d watch what she put on. One of the things they almost always agreed with - except for LA but Em wasn’t going to have a discussion about how ridiculous a full mansion for himself was - was where they lived and how they decorated. They always liked the same places and were interested in the same things when it came to a home. If there was something weird or one of them didn’t like it, the other generally didn’t either. It was how it worked when they’d found the apartment in London, they’d walked in holding hands and just knew.
It’s how Em knew Dan had to have done a good job when he chose somewhere in Austin. If he liked it, she’d like it, and when the car stopped she knew she was right. Her expectations were that it’d be an apartment in a high rise building, but it was in front of a house. A little country style 1960s house, like the stereotypical one you’d see. It was nothing like the ridiculousness in LA or the farm in Perth. It wasn’t even like the place in Italy Dan was looking at for them to have as a wedding present. It was so normal.
A one family home on a suburban Texan street. A couple of houses had lawn signs out, there were kids bikes on the street. It felt idyllic as Em looked at the pale brickwork and dark door. It felt like somewhere they could relax and just be.
“I know we said an apartment, but when I saw here it was perfect. It feels like us.” Dan held up a key on a cowboy hat keychain, the Longhorns orange logo visible.
“I’m not complaining at all, it looks cute. Time to go inside?”
They walked up to the front door holding hands as a smile spread across Em’s face. She wanted to stop and take it all in, but her excitement was too much. She could stand out in the front yard later, right now was for going inside. All she could do was look up at Dan and how peaceful he finally looked. It had been literal years for him and she couldn’t be more grateful that he’d kept holding out hope for them.
Opening the front door of somewhere new was always exciting and this was no different. She slipped the key in the slot and twisted to feel the lock disengage. Em went to push the door open but before she could Dan lifted her into his arms, nudging the door with his knee.
“Dan, what?!”
“Gotta carry the bride over the threshold, right? It’s my job.” She laughed at the grin on his face as he brought them inside, carefully depositing Em back on her feet in the living room so she could fully take it in.
The room was a blank canvas. Wooden floors with lots of windows and light, white walls just waiting for paint and decoration. Somehow he’d gotten a Welcome Home sign put up in front of the fireplace. It was cosy but had enough space for them and friends to be there. The work and effort Dan had put in was making her tear up before she’d even seen anything else. Then when she did turn around and saw the lavender door she actually did shed a tear.
The one thing she’d wanted in life was to paint her front door lavender. She’d seen photos of colourful seaside towns with different brightly painted doors and decided she wanted hers to be lavender. It wasn’t from Friends, as much as people might think. She’d never been a fan of that show really. But there was no possibility she could do it as a kid, and then in her rented apartments it was never going to happen. But Dan had promised her that he’d do it, and he had just for her. She turned to hug him and held onto him until she could get herself together for a moment.
“I told you we’d have it, it was just a matter of time. I know we can’t have the outside in London, but I thought the inside in Austin would work?”
“It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love it. I love you, Danny.” His arms tightened as she said it, a kiss pushed against Em’s head.
“Love you too. Wait until you see everything else, I think you’ll love it.”
Dan held her hand as they moved through the rest of the house. The kitchen was gorgeous and sitting out on the counter was a set of orange Le Creuset pans that matched the purple set they had in London. It was like her perfect kitchen was right in front of her. The doors to the back garden were there, a deck leading down to grass and it was carefully enclosed. It was safe and beautiful. She wandered outside and looked at the wildflowers growing at the end of it.
She had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky. How did he love her even after everything? After everything she’d done, everything she’d nearly ruined? But Dan loved her with everything and he did all of this for her. It was a home, not just a house, and part of her hated that they wouldn’t really spend enough time of the year here. He’d given her everything, and she didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have him.
A quiet sob made her turn around in panic to see a smile on Dan’s face as tears streamed down his cheeks. Her arms wrapped around him, holding onto her husband as he cried. They were both too familiar with tears by this point, and her job was to hold onto him and love him and wait until he was able to speak. These were the overwhelming tears.
“I thought I might never see this place. Especially not with you. I was waiting until you were here to see it in person and I think I’d come to terms that it wasn’t going to happen.” The rawness of his words cut her deeply, Em kissing his jaw as a reminder she was here before she could speak.
“I’m right here, Baby. I’m here. And you’re here with me. We’re together.”
“I know. I know.” Dan kissed her so gently Em thought it could have been a dream until she opened her eyes and looked at him.
“Good…what do you mean you didn’t think you’d see it? You flew out to sign?” He squeezed her and Em knew no matter what he was about to say she was going to worry.
“I did. But I didn’t come here. I signed the contract and hired someone to keep an eye on it and do what I needed. But I couldn’t come here without you. It was for us.”
“You bought an entire house without seeing it?” The disbelief was clear in her voice. Her insane, brilliant, generous husband.
“It was a bad time, don’t judge me.” She never could. Not in a million years. “I wanted to do more things, y’know? I thought about changing the windows out for ones with bigger panels of glass so you have even more light to read, put some screens up so you can open them without bugs. Have some of the flowers out the front under the living room window. Maybe change the roof? The one there is fine but it’s gonna need replacing in a few years. Plus I wanna change the fireplace cause that’s original from the 70s when this was built and I don’t like the tiles. But not without you. Even looking at furniture to buy felt wrong. That’s what you do. You turn the places we live into homes without even thinking about it. Plus, I thought it could be like an anniversary present. Five years ago this week is when I met you for the first time.”
Em settled into Dan’s arms with her head pushed against his neck for an extra moment as she took in what he said. She’d so nearly blown their lives up in April - walked away without so much as a word. But even though she did that he loved her and still believed she’d come back somehow. How could she not be utterly in love with him? She didn’t deserve him but he loved her anyway.
“We turned them into homes. Us. Together. That’s what made them into homes, and it’s what’ll make this into one too. So thanks for waiting for me to do it.” It was a sweet kiss and wiping away the tear tracks from his cheeks as she smiled up at him. They’d turn it into one. She wouldn’t ruin yet another home for them. She couldn’t do that like she had with their first flat. “Show me everywhere else? Please? I wanna see our room.”
The rest of the house was just as perfect. A bathroom with a gloriously big bath for her and Dan to fit, two spare rooms, and finally the master bedroom. It wasn’t stupidly huge, but it was perfect. She could see all the flowers that Dan had gotten planted outside through the window. Em had no idea how he managed to get it done but he did and she’d be forever grateful for it. The other thing he did was get a proper mattress for each bedroom. It wasn’t a full bed yet, there weren’t even sheets, but she could actually lay down. As comfortable as the business class seats were, she just wanted to lie down and stretch. Her sneakers came off in a heartbeat and that was about as quickly as Dan was lying on top of her.
"You like it?" Dan whispered as if to not break a spell. His head was on her shoulder while his arms wrapped around her body to pull her as close as possible.
"The mattress? It's amazing, I wonder how I'm gonna get up again. The house is very nice too." She kissed his forehead while her smile grew even wider. "I love it. I really, really love it. It's absolutely perfect, Love. I still think you're insane, but thank you."
"I'm happy you like it. You know you never need to thank me."
"Really? Cause I think I know a way to thank you and bless this place together."
All Em needed was one kiss on her neck and feeling his grin against her skin to get going. Clothes were thrown off and left on the floor, and the luxury of not sharing a wall with anyone else was perfection. The loud moan as Dan finally entered her with one slow push echoed around the near empty room.
Usually on race weekends she was careful to not mark Dan's neck or scratch his back or shoulders. Usually she'd do her best to leave no marks at all unless it was a break but that day she couldn't care less. Her hands were all over his back and holding him as hard as possible. Part of her brain screamed at her that she was fucking everything up and she needed to stop, but Dan's frown as she went to let go and the way he squeezed her made her continue. If he was prepared for any comments and wanted her to keep going then she was going to.
At least now people knew that she was the one responsible for anything. She sucked a small dark mark against his collarbone, watching as the skin reddened and bloomed. She didn't care about it in the moment. The next day she probably would when his shirt moved the wrong way and everyone saw it but right then she couldn't care less. For once her head was quiet, focusing about how warm her Danny was against her, the way his hands made her feel so good. How he was hitting the perfect spots in her, the whispers of how good she was and how she was his best girl, his only girl. The marks he was leaving against her that screamed she was his. His, his, his.
When they finished it was like magic. Like every time he held her tight and kissed as they came down from their highs, the two of them keeping the other there. It was one of her favourite moments with him since that very first time they'd slept together. The world stopped for a few moments, silent and the only people who mattered were them. When she opened her eyes Dan was there, that smile that made her fall head over heels all those years ago on his face as he stole a kiss and made her smile against his lips.
Years ago the next thing in their routine had been one of them - usually Dan - asking to stay the night even when they shouldn't. That part of their routine was long gone. But the comfort and cosiness of the moment was ruined by Em's "oh shit!" and running to the bathroom, too afraid to mess up the brand new mattress that didn't even have sheets on it. The only thing there to clean up was Dan's shirt and she wasn't doing that to him.
When she came back feeling better Dan still kissed down her legs to make her giggle, Em looking at him smiling up at her. She ran her fingers through his curls as she looked down at the love of her life. How did she get so lucky? She didn't deserve him.
It took everything to get up from that mattress. She was jetlagged and tired and wanted to stay there and fall asleep beside him. She was comfortable and didn't want to leave. But they had things to do, shopping first on the list. If they were staying there for a night before moving to the team hotel they needed basic stuff. Dan insisted they didn't need sheets for the mattress, they had toilet paper and paper cups for their celebration and could get takeout. Even while Dan was trying to say nonsense Em was rolling her eyes and pulling clothes out of one of their cases to put on. She made Dan do the same, even as he insisted she looked better without clothes on.
"Do you really want me to go to Target naked, Love?" The wide eyes and rapidly shaking head was all that Em needed for him to get up and shimmy his jeans on.
For most couples a trip to the supermarket was a normal thing. But they weren't a normal couple, or at least not that normal. Usually groceries were delivered, and the occasional times they did something like this was during the winter break in Perth. They'd go some weekday morning when it was quiet and people didn't notice them. She loved it though. It was like going out with an excitable kid who looked at everything and kept stopping. She got to hold his hand and be normal for rare occasions.
So that afternoon it was a rare opportunity for Em to drag him around. It took a pout to convince him it was a good idea, but an oak milk latte from the Starbucks before they started shopping was all the extra incentive he needed to keep going. But as they started wandering Dan was the one who kept stopping and looking. He wanted the perfect glasses, Em got distracted looking at lipsticks for a new perfect pink. Then they spent time deciding on towels and bedding for not just their room but the spares too. After all that a coffee maker and mugs had to be bought, along with the matching plates and bowls. All of that, plus a lamp, cushions, a fake plant, fairy lights, candles, and groceries for that night and the morning that could be frozen when they were leaving ended up in the trunk of the rental car. Em couldn't stop grinning the entire drive back to their house.
London was a mix of things they'd had in both of their apartments, choosing what they preferred and putting them together with new things when they really needed them. Perth, Monaco, and LA were kind of like that, Em turning professionally interior decorated places into actual homes instead of places where they just spent time. But Austin was different. It was a blank canvass where she could start from scratch and turn it into colour and home and happiness. Even if this trip was just a few things to make it better she could take time and decide what they were going to do.
She barely got to put the sheets on the mattress before Dan was dragging her back down, covering her in kisses. It had been since the summer break when they felt like this, able to hold and love each other and Em able to shut her brain up enough to enjoy it. Thye spent the afternoon and evening moving from bed to couch and back again, ordering takeout from the restaurant Dan made sure they were near, before returning to loving each other. Dan held onto her as they fell asleep, Em content and cuddled in.
The next day was when they were supposed to move to the hotel but neither of them really wanted to. The boys landed and they met with them, checking in, but deciding to spend that night in their home before having to go back to the F1 circus. Instead they spent it with Michael and Blake, Em watching the three of them laughing and joking. It was easier to stay a little on the outside of it all and watch, Dan's hand around her waist as they sat in their favourite bar in Austin yet again eating barbecue and Em drinking a coke and stealing sips from Dan's one beer before the race weekend.
Getting out of their uber and being completely alone once the front door closed was a luxury for Em. They were always surrounded by people, she knew that. Dan loved having family and friends around, loved being with everyone. She'd known that since the beginning. It was one of the reasons - besides the obvious - why she was around the boys so much. Dan loved to bring his people around and Em loved watching him be happy and glowing no matter how loud it was. Usually she could put her earplugs in and smile and it was fine. But at the track and in offices and media centres it was more of the same. There were always people, Dan was always busy.
She'd known from the beginning that Dan wasn't always hers. She had to share the man she loved with the rest of the world. And she knew this, she married him knowing it, but it was hard sometimes. She'd gone in with eyes open that especially during race weeks it was a good week to have a couple of hours alone together. The only thing she asked was that they went to bed together. She'd stay up as long as she had to to do it with him. She always fell asleep with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. Dan always woke her up with a kiss on her forehead if he had to get up before her as a quiet goodbye and a heads up she'd fully wake alone. It was what they did. So one extra night where they got to wake up completely alone felt nearly perfect.
But some nights, even when they were alone, she could tell Dan's head was somewhere else. This was one of those nights. They were curled up to sleep, arms around each other, but Em could see that his eyes were open and his jaw was tense. Even with the way the last few days were nice it wasn't an easy time. Everything seemed to be slowly crumbling around them. Apart from their relationship it seemed like so much was falling apart and it was impossible. She was doing everything she could to keep the man she loved going but Em didn't have much left to give. There were some things she couldn't fix. She couldn't magic up a seat in a team for him no matter how badly she wished she could do it. She couldn't even negotiate with him, because that wasn't her job. Doing it for the McLaren severance was different, that was for their pride and to prove that team hadn't ruined them. It was personal. But talking to other team principals? She couldn't.
The one thing she could do was reach up and push a kiss to his jaw, watching as he looked down at her with sad eyes. She could ask the questions and support him and love him and give him advice.
"Penny for them?" It was quiet until Dan took a deep breath.
"Should I talk to Haas? Guenther sent over a proposal. It's a seat for n-"
"Absolutely not." The vehemence that she came out with worried even her but she kept talking. "That team ruins people and makes them miserable, and as much as Guenther has been decent to me in the paddock they're run ridiculously. Look at what's happening to Mick, he told Mick last week that he might keep the seat but now you're being offered it? They won't listen to you, they won't care about the setup. They'll mess it up and blame you. They did it to Kevin and then begged him to go back. You deserve better than it."
"It might be the only way for me to have a seat next year."
"I'd rather we call it a day and just go home." Em was blinking back tears as Dan held her closer, watching as she got herself together. "I can't spend another year watching you suffer for a team and their stupid car while you're trying to smile. This year has been so hard, Danny. You deserve better than that. You're so much better than that."
"Do you really want that? Do you want to go home?" The words echoed around her head. Home. She still didn't know what it was. Dan was her home, but she couldn't say anywhere really was anymore. But her tears began to fall and she couldn't stop them.
"We lost too much this year, Danny. We lost a baby. We nearly lost us too. We did lose us for a while and we nearly didn't make it back. I don't have anything else to give it. This sport and this team has taken almost everything. It even took my dignity in Spa. We've given it everything. Baby I love you with my whole heart and you know I will do anything for you. You know that." She took a deep breath as she tried to get the courage to ask.
"I know, Baby girl. I know. And I love you just as much. We're us, that's not changing ever." His words and the warm arms around her made her able to say it.
"You can't ask me to watch you go through another year like this one. You can't do that to me. We can't go through another year like this and you know we can't. If we try it's going to break us. Please. If you love me just...please don't. Be a reserve driver or try something else or any other driving, I'd rather watch you do ovals. Please don't make me have to go through watching you suffer like this again."
She broke down after speaking, feeling Dan hold her even tighter than he had before. She'd never said it. She never wanted to tell him not to drive, she adored him and trusted him to do the right thing. But this was terrifying to watch. She didn't know what she could do except ask him not to drive for once.
"Hey Baby, I've got you. It's alright, Emmy. It's alright. It's going to be fine, Baby girl. I promise. You just take deep breaths. Breathe in with me Baby." She followed his exaggerated breathing until she'd calmed down from the panic attack she'd nearly worked herself into yet again. Her fucking brain. She needed to be calm for this.
"I'm so tired, Dan. I'm exhausted and I don't know if I can deal with another year at a team that won't respect you. This year was too much. I can't lose you again. Please don't make me lose you again."
"It won't happen, Emmy. I swear it's not going to. I'm gonna be right here."
"It happened twice."
And that was her fear. They'd basically lost each other last Christmas, and what should have been the final nail in the coffin was Melbourne. They shouldn't be together. They'd fought for so long, they'd promised each other. But she didn't know if she could fight for another year to try not lose him.
"That was different and you didn't lose me. I fucked up but we're right here. Remember that forever promise we made?" He kissed her ring finger, Em smiling through her tears.
"I almost did and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't go through it again. Call me selfish but I just can't."
"You're not selfish. You're the exact opposite of selfish, Babe." The pain in Dan's voice made Em feel even worse than she did saying it.
"I feel like I am. I know how much you love racing."
"But I love you more." He punctuated his words with a kiss before continuing. "I'm chasing loving racing again, and I've stopped loving it now. Maybe it's time to let it come back to me. If it works I can try get a seat in 2024. If not I've got you, and we can work it out from there. I can be a househusband. I was thinking about it, y'know? Maybe it's time for me to be a househusband, you get your year. I'll stay home, make breakfast, do laundry, all that. You deserve a year of not doing anything after taking care of everything I've thrown at you."
"You and I both know you'd go insane if you did that. It'd be fun for a week." A watery giggle escaped, Dan smiling at her ability to laugh.
"Maybe two? But it can be your year. I want you to be happy, not just following me around the world while I'm doing it."
"All I wanna do is be with you. I just...I want you to be my Danny for a while. I don't want to have to share you with the world for once. What I really need right now is to wake up on a weekend and not go anywhere. I want us to stay in our bed, not in a hotel unless we're on holiday. I hate myself for being this selfish and asking you, but I need this."
"A weekend in bed not going anywhere sounds really good right now." Dan kissed her nose, brushing the hair out of her face to make sure Em was looking at him. "I'm telling you, you're not selfish."
"I feel like I am. I feel like I'm making a decision for everyone. Michael's gonna need a new job, it's a mess."
"I was thinking about telling him I think it's better for our friendship to not work together so that'll be fine. Jack's looking for someone for F2 next year, that might work. But you're not making a decision for everyone, you're telling me how you feel. I told you before. If you asked I'd walk away. We deserve to be happy. You deserve that."
"I love you." She held onto him tightly, desperate to make it clear how much she loved him. She didn't deserve Daniel. Not at all. Somehow he loved her even though she'd made a mess of so much. "It's just one year. Then we can go back. You can keep racing till your forties if you want like Fernando. I don't care if you do."
"You really think I want to race that long? Two or three babies and racing around the world for twenty something weeks a year?"
"Seb is. For now." She wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye to someone who'd always been kind to her.
"Yeah, but I don't think I'll be able to do that after our kids start school. There's a difference between Switzerland and Perth."
"If you want to do it the option will be there. As long as you want to keep racing and you're happy you know I'll support you. We can work around anything else." Em snuggled into him at his words, at the knowledge. He wasn't lying. They'd be happy. She'd make herself be happy.
"We can talk about it then. But Toto and Christian have already been in contact about a reserve role. Christian rang before I even did the video. But I'm focusing on you and me first."
"Thank you," Em breathed out.
"For what?"
"For being you. I just wanna be your girl. I wanna be your girlfriend in public and nothing else. I...I need to be your girl for more than a week, not your assistant. I love my job and I love working but I need this. I need to not think about the fact that I share you with the world for a weekend. I know it's a lot to ask but I need that. Just one year. Can you give me a year?" She felt awful asking, but they were there together. She knew he wouldn't feel bad about her asking.
"With one condition."
"Anything you want."
"Marry me. I'll take a year off as long as you marry me."
"Did you hit your head or something? Want to do it again?"
"We said we were going to do it properly, right? I'd propose and we'd have a wedding with our family and that's what I want for us. A year off and we can plan our wedding. Go wherever we want for our honeymoon. No schedule, no fitting it into a two week gap and a honeymoon over the summer break. Just us and the people we care about. So marry me, Emmy?"
"Yeah. This sounds perfect." She kissed her husband, grinning against him as he held her left hand and kissed the perfect engagement ring he'd given her in August when she'd proposed in LA. Getting to do this their way was more important to them than revealing anything else. It felt right.
The next morning when Blake came over for breakfast before the three of them went to the hotel they spoke to him about their decision. It was easier than Em expected it to be, Blake agreeing with both of them entirely. Dan was burnt out, Em was a mess of a human, they were shadows of who they were just a year before. It made sense.
He didn't admit it, but Em knew Blake was exhausted too. He'd been carrying her and Dan for the last six months on his own, a year away from all of their travelling and chaos would be good for him too. They could recharge and focus and next year Blake could start putting feelers out about potential seats.
The other thing they agreed was Em was taking a leave of absence from work. She hated it. She hated feeling like she couldn't do her job. But she needed to look after herself and both of her boys agreed. As soon as Dan said it she knew he was right, nodding and hugging him. At least they got to tell Blake about planning the wedding, and the hug her big brother gave her was worth everything.
Once they got to the hotel it became the normal race weekend whirlwind. Dan was in media and strategy meetings while Em stayed in her hotel room, Criminal Minds on tv while she smiled at her ring and took down little notes about the wedding they wanted. Blake was there showing her the progress he'd made on hiring the horse for Dan's grand entrance to COTA the following day. Her idiot was actually attending press day on a horse. It was entirely Blake's fault for encouraging it months ago.
When Dan got back they facetimed his parents to give them the news, Em crying as Joe said he was happy to finally get to properly call her their daughter now. It was a good day. She was taking the good day.
The only downside to arriving to the circuit was firstly that she couldn't hold Dan's hand because of the horse, and secondly having to hide her engagement ring. She didn't want to take it off, but it was an unspoken agreement that they weren't telling anyone outside their people until after the season was over. They didn't want McLaren using it for media. She didn't want an instagram post from anyone who was firing her husband congratulating the happy couple. She didn't want that orange team involved in her personal life, so the announcement could wait. The nice part was getting to pet the horse Dan was riding. Before Bluey was saddled up she got to brush him down under his groom's careful eye, and afterwards she brushed him and gave him an apple as a treat. It felt like back in Montana, brushing the horses there and her anxiety disappearing for a gorgeous few moments.
Once that was done she didn't have much to do for the afternoon. Blake was officially taking over what she'd been doing, following Dan from meeting to meeting instead of Em. To avoid even more rumours and speculation she wandered the paddock every hour or so with her iPad in hand, chatting to people she knew and acting like it was normal.
It was a weird relief that not working was a help. She still had her therapy sessions with Mildred every Monday - plus a Thursday one before most race weeks - still had her every two weeks psychiatrist appointments to talk about her medication levels, but it felt like it wasn't working. She felt like she was jumping out of her skin, anxiety a constant in her head. A decent part of her wished she could stay in their hotel rooms on any given weekend, but she had to be there for Dan.
Her weekends were most comfortable when she went from the entrance to Dan's room and back again. Nobody bothered her in there, she hid away while her friends and husband were busy, and she felt awkward sitting in hospitality with people looking at her like she was a dead woman walking. So instead she lay along the massage table pinning things to a pinterest board to start wedding planning. Her plan was to show Dan what she liked and they could decide after.
Between taking notes about not wanting designated seats so it could be a mix of people and looking at flower options she dozed off where she lay. Sleep was at a premium for Em on race weekends, but having something nice to think about helped her doze.
She woke up to Dan's kisses against her forehead, not even opening her eyes but reaching out for Dan to squeeze her hand. It was a quick murmur that he'd be back soon, he just had one more meeting and then they could go. Before she knew it Dan was back, helping her stand and fixing her hair so she didn't look like she'd spent the last hour sleeping. They walked out of the paddock hand in hand, ready for the hotel and to curl up in bed together.
"I wish we could just stay in our house instead of here," Em whispered as she looked out the window to the city view in front of them. It was gorgeous, the room was luxurious. But she wanted their house with the mattress that they didn't even have a bed frame for yet. Dan stood behind her, Em resting her back against his front. She could relax and let her anxiety float away for the next few hours until they had to get up and do it the next day and the next and the next, before the brief reprieve before Mexico.
"Saturday night after Blake's birthday dinner? And next time we're here we can stay there full time."
"That sounds perfect."
Waking up on Friday morning was nearly impossible. The universe knew Em wasn't an early bird, but she felt absolutely drained. She didn't want to think about it, but something was wrong with her. She knew when it took Dan shaking her shoulder to wake her up. Usually kisses against her forehead would wake her but the last week or so it had been harder and harder to wake herself up and move more. The kisses were still there but not enough.
"Morning Baby, hey. Sleep well? I've been trying to wake you for a few minutes." Dan was smiling at her as she blinked blearily at him.
"Jetlag? Mornin'. Do we have five more minutes?"
"We're down to ten, but we've got time." He always woke her a little bit early before they actually had to get up. Usually it was fifteen minutes but she'd burned through that time already.
"Mmm, thank you."
It was quiet for a moment before Dan spoke again. "When's your next blood test for?"
She'd been getting them semi regularly since the first doctor's appointment when she came back, the realisation that her iron and calcium levels were low not helping her mental health. The supplements were helping, but the exhaustion remained.
"Before Christmas? I think?"
"Want me to make a doctor's appointment for after Mexico? I can call when they're open on Monday for you. You're sleeping a lot, I just wanna make sure your iron didn't drop or anything. You haven't really been eating much."
She'd been exhausted and barely eating. Part of it was just not being hungry, part of it was nothing was appetising. Even her usual foods that would always make her want to eat weren't it. Even the snack plates that she'd usually pick at weren't worth it.
"Yeah, ok. Just...don't tell Michael? I don't wanna hear about it from him. I don't want more supplement ideas and stuff."
"I won't even think about it."
She went to move to get up but didn't, too comfy there. "'m sorry 'm so tired. It's just been exhausting the last few weeks."
"We'll go home after Mexico and find out. Maybe you just need a med tweak. Or we can go see a doctor here. Go to a clinic, get an iron test to see if it's something to do with that?"
"Nah, we can wait till we're back. Extra naps will work?"
"You'll be all good, Love. I've got you."
Em didn't want to get out of the bed when she was warm, comfortable, and safe in bed with her husband. She didn't want to go to the paddock, and she definitely didn't want to sit in the orange decorated building while the rest of the team just waited for Dan to fail. Again.
But she didn't have a choice, so she got up and got dressed to go stand beside him. Her makeup hid the circles under her eyes, her hair was pulled back, and her outfit was perfect. She could do this. She could absolutely do this. Before they left the hotel room Dan gave her a hug and the sweetest kiss to make her smile.
They held hands for every second they could going through the paddock. All the way down to the car, on the drive in, and walking through the paddock. Dan held her hand proudly as they went in, getting her to go through the barrier first before following her in and taking her hand again.
Em didn't want to be at the track so early, especially when Dan wasn't even driving for FP1. Palou was in Dan's car for it as a rookie driver test, and while she had nothing against Alex she didn't want to watch him. She didn't care about motorsport. It had taken her years of trying to be interested but she didn't care. She cared about Dan driving and that was it. So instead she stayed in Dan's tiny room in hospitality, reading her kindle. The second the interviews and press conferences were done she switched the tv off and kept reading. Her friends were working and getting Dan ready for the rest of the day but she stayed there.
The nice part was that between chapters and looking at pinterest on her iPad for wedding ideas Dan would come upstairs for the briefest hug. He always came with tea and a smile, a quick kiss and a "miss you". He could go back knowing she was fine there.
"You need to go back to work, you're in the car in twenty minutes," Em told him as he dawdled going back downstairs once he was in his orange race suit.
"What if I don't wanna? I wanna stay here with you." She put her kindle away and stood up to take his hand, ready to go stand in the garage to watch him for the hour.
"I could kidnap you and we can go home? Nobody knows where our house is, we can hide there maybe?"
"Is it kidnapping if I'm your husband?"
"I mean not if you go willingly." Dan laughed and his loud honk made her smile. He was there with her and it was worth it.
"You gonna stay here or wanna come down to the garage with Blake?"
"Garage. You know I'm not gonna miss you in the car, no matter what."
"If you need anything just head out, ok? I'll find you after. Just tell Blake."
"I'll be fine, don't worry." She leaned up to kiss his cheek and watched as Dan smiled at her.
"I always worry. Same way you worry about me. It's what we do."
They were about to walk out when Em pulled him back for a moment, watching as Dan looked at her. "I know weekends at your room here used to be more fun and sexy and great. I...I'm sorry it's not like that anymore. Now it's just a mess and yeah. I wish it was like we used to be. I'm just boring now."
"Baby girl, we're married and in our thirties. We're supposed to be boring."
"I'm being serious."
"I know you are." She looked away but Dan's fingers cupped her chin, pulling her up to look at him. "Look at me Emmy. You are the smartest, funniest, most interesting person in the universe. You're my favourite person. You're my wife and I love you. I don't care if we just sit in silence doing nothing for a week. As long as I'm with you I'm happy and having fun. Nobody does it like us. right?"
"Right. And I love you too. Forever and always."
"And to the moon and to Saturn. Let's go and it's one more driving session to the end of the year."
She walked down holding his hand, kissing his helmet and telling him to go fast and be safe before taking her spot beside Blake. Her headphones went on and she stood there holding Blake's hand as they watched the time tick down.
The worst part of the sessions was having to hide her anxiety, the cameras flashing to her and her name appearing on TV. Emma Smyth, Daniel Ricciardo's partner. It still felt surreal that the world knew it. It was pure anxiety as she stood waiting, taking slow deep breaths as Blake squeezed her hand. It was one more hour until she could hide away again.
She hated seeing him in that car. She'd always trusted the cars he drove, always trusted the teams he had. But not anymore. And it was hard because she knew he didn't trust it either. She hated living with the feeling that he didn't trust the car to perform the same way lap after lap. The feeling kept growing in her chest until he was finally wheeled back in when practice ended. He sent her a wink as he got out of the car, Em's smile returning seeing him there safe. If he could have Dan would have given her a hug but he was immediately surrounded by engineers to give feedback to.
By the time Dan was free to leave the circuit it was nearly dark outside. The debriefing took time, and then he had to do partnership stuff that took longer than expected. For this time she decided to be brave and go into hospitality, sitting beside Blake. He kept her distracted by asking questions about things that he really didn't need to ask. For years they'd worked beside each other and it felt totally normal, and even now she wasn't working it felt normal and looked normal. She didn't know what she'd do without him.
Saturday was a day when she had to put her bravest face on because it was Blake's birthday. Despite another day of not wanting to leave the hotel room she got dressed and smiled, following Dan to their best friend's hotel room to give him a giant hug and the presents they'd gotten for him. Her big brother gave her a hug in return, a whispered thank you more than enough for her. She had to hold on for Blake's day. Had to.
She spent practice and qualifying in the garage, holding Blake's hand as usual when they watched Dan get into the car. It had been a happy week in one of their favourite cities, her rings hanging around her neck as she looked on. But instead she watched as the man she loved got out of the car frustrated after Q1, qualifying seventeenth. This stupid team and this stupid car and she had to keep herself together because she didn't want cameras on her.
Dan coming over to say sorry to Blake because he wanted to make his friend proud but didn't broke her heart. It was all Dan ever wanted to do, to make his wife, his friends, his family happy and proud of him. She knew he was aware of the sacrifices people had made to help him, and he was determined to make it worth it. But for nearly all of this two year stint at McLaren it hadn't worked. She'd watched him try. But yet again he was putting a brave face on and a fake smile about how he was going to make up places on Sunday.
She watched him blame himself yet again in front of the media and the world and Em wanted to whisk him away. She wanted to make it all better. He deserved more. She'd seen it with her own eyes, she'd been there when he'd won races. He'd never won them easily. All she wanted was to take him away from the stress and the constant criticism. But she couldn't.
As soon as they were finally alone - after Dan had done media and cooled down with Michael, finally entering his room where Em was waiting. Her arms went straight around him, holding tightly so he could know she was there.
"I'm sorry, Baby. I thought I could get into Q2 for Blake and for you. Make this weekend good for us." She looked up at Dan, trying to keep herself from falling apart.
"It's already a good weekend. You did everything you could, Baby. I don't blame you." Dan just held her tighter, doing everything to keep it together for a few more moments. But then he had to go back to the debrief while Em packed their stuff up. The hotel restaurant was booked for that evening for Blake's birthday. Just the four of them, a chill evening before some of Blake's friends from other teams went to a booking they had in a barbecue place after the race on Sunday. Part of her wished it was just the three of them, pushing that thought away from her head. She loved Michael. She did. He was just difficult to be around lately.
In a shocking turn of events Dan's debriefing didn't take as long as expected. But even with his performance there were fans there to ask for autographs and photos. Em soaked in the love everyone else had for him as he got to glow. Even with that delay they were in the hotel slightly earlier than expected and going straight to their room to get ready.
"We don't have time for a bath, right?" Dan asked, Em kissing his cheek.
"No Baby. We have to be downstairs in half an hour. You have time for a quick shower if you want one."
"Will you come with me? Please?"
It took nothing for Em to agree to go with him, walking into the bathroom and helping Dan to undress as she got her own clothes off. Dan set the shower up while Em stepped in, feeling his arms around her as he got under the showerhead too.
"Can we have a bath tomorrow when we go home?"
"That's the best plan I've heard all week."
Em wanted to spend more time than they had there, trying to get Dan to relax. But instead she carefully washed and conditioned his hair, giving them the love Dan didn't in a normal shower. He did the same for her hair, the apple scent of her shampoo filling the steamy room. Ten minutes wasn't nearly enough but they were out, Dan pushing a kiss to the 3 tattoo on her wrist before he let her go.
Five minutes later Em was nearly ready, just running the hairdryer over her so the wet strands didn't dampen her clothes. Once it was mostly dry she was happy, taking Dan's hand to go back downstairs.
Blake and Michael had arrived before the two of them, Em catching the tail end of their whispered conversation with "-my night out, don't do that." all she could hear. As soon as they realised they were there the two men stepped apart as Blake greeted them.
She knew it was serious when Michael didn't make comments about what Dan should order thanks to his race weekend diet. It was even weirder when he didn't say anything about what Em should eat, or how much, or how she should avoid certain foods. She may have been exhausted but she knew it was Blake. The tail end of their conversation was the only evidence she needed to know he'd said something about keeping suggestions quiet.
Em hated to admit it, but it was glorious. She got to watch Dan eat an actual meal that he enjoyed and she was even hungry for the first time in a while. Finishing the whole plate was a challenge but she ate slowly, sipping her drink and putting her fork down when it was finished. The fond look on Dan's face was everything.
The three others at the table looked at her surprised when Em nodded and took a dessert menu. Michael wasn't having one and she didn't want Blake to have his birthday dessert alone. It was easy to pick a strawberry and apple crumble and ask for a second spoon. She ate it carefully in layers, smiling as Dan took a couple of spoonfuls of fruit and left the icecream for her. She ignored the looks Michael gave them as they shared, the plain green tea sat in front of him telling her everything she needed to know.
It was an early night by birthday celebration standards but with the race the next morning they didn't have a choice. It was a hug for Blake and a promise that tomorrow night would involve drinks and dancing and fun. She'd get through it for him, he deserved it.
As soon as the door to their hotel room closed and the latch went on their clothes disappeared to go to bed. The way Dan's arm had been around her waist was all Em needed to know that her husband needed her extra close that night. It was a quick trip to the bathroom to wash their faces and get themselves ready as Em pushed kisses across his face before dragging him to bed.
She really didn't think anything would happen between them, just holding each other and goodnight kisses. Dan had to get sleep before the race, but then his lips moved down her jaw and to her neck, one hand on her ass pulling her in as his knee slipped between her thighs. It was like a flame was lit in her, she needed her husband. She needed to feel him as close as possible. She needed to hear him whisper her name like a prayer, hands holding her tightly and leaving the fingertip bruises that sang she was his and nobody else's to the world. It was electric and everything she could have asked for, groaning Dan's name out as he begged her to tell him everything he made her feel.
Dan helped her up and helped her clean before she went back to bed with him, wrapped up in his arms to sleep. For once on a race night she was able to actually get asleep at a reasonable time, the lub-dub of Dan's heartbeat steady under her ear.
Getting up on race morning was the worst feeling. Em wished she could have stayed in bed. Staying there with a bottle of wine - even if she wasn't meant to be drinking because of her medication - hot water for her favourite tea, some snacks, the latest crappy romance series she was reading on her kindle, and maybe ice cream as she curled up beside Dan in bed would have been the best day. Instead she had to go to a paddock filled with people who wanted photos and autographs from Dan.
If she had her choice she'd stay back in the hotel with her favourite people but she couldn't. She had to make herself look presentable because cameras didn't lie, and she didn't need another "concerned" instagram commenter asking about if she was ok because of a photo where she didn't look perfect. Dan didn't care if her hair was a mess or if she wasn't wearing makeup or if she was in casual clothes, but the world did. So she forced herself up and prettied herself and was ready to leave. It took a deep breath as she held Dan's hand and walked out of the bubble of their hotel room. They were going to their house that night. She could make it work.
The entire drive to the circuit was cuddling under Dan's arm. Holding his hand on the backseat wasn't enough for her. She needed Dan to hold her until they got there and had to let go, and he never ever complained about it.
It was another morning of faking smiles in front of everyone, cameras recording and fans taking photos and calling Dan's name. She'd put her earplugs in before they even reached the circuit to block some of the noise but it didn't fully help. She focused on Dan's warm hand in hers and took deep breaths to keep herself calm. Em ignored the cameras and photographers watching them, instead looking at her husband and at Blake to remind herself she wasn't alone. She focused on Dan's fingers squeezing her hand. He'd promised not to let her go and he wouldn't.
Once she settled down in his driver's room he kissed her goodbye to go to the different race morning duties he had, making sure she was ok. Dan promised to see her as soon as he could and Em sat there and breathed deeply, earplugs replaced with her Beats to match Dan's and music playing. A couple more hours and they were out of there. Dan just had to go around the track and then they were free to go home. Back to their actual house to get changed and celebrate Blake, and go back to sleep on that mattress she'd already fallen in love with.
Dan came back up to get changed, Em standing up to go back to the garage with him. He'd taken the time to come up and give them enough time to see each other and make her feel better before facing the cameras. Usually he was surrounded by Blake and Michael before getting ready but this time it was just the two of them in a moment alone.
When he pulled his shirt off he took the necklace he was wearing off too, handing his rings over to Em to keep safe. She watched him get into the nomex and saw just how slim he was getting. Let the year end. Just let it end. As he stood and stretched he held out his right hand, Em taking it with her left. Just like they had in Baku and Montreal already this year they were going to the garage together. He was walking through the paddock holding her hand and not caring what the world thought. Reason one million why Em loved him.
"Ready to go?" She thought she'd hidden how she was feeling but it was clear from Dan's reaction that she hadn't really.
"You know, right?" Em whispered in response to avoid his question with the one she knew the answer to. They'd tattooed it to keep it front of mind.
"I know, Baby Girl. I love you too." Dan nodded and raised their joined hands to kiss her ring finger. Like always her wedding and engagement ring were on her necklace hiding below her shirt, Dan's joining them for safe keeping for the race. He'd be allowed wear it but that meant publicity and neither of them wanted that.
"Good. Go fast, be safe, and come back to me. Please." She nearly got it out without the final word but Em couldn't help herself, looking up at Dan and trying not to cry. Please be safe. Please come home. She was panicking more and more about what he did.
"I always will."
It was one final kiss and a long hug before they left the room. Blake was standing outside the door waiting for them, clearing a path through the crowd to get them into the garage and away from prying eyes and just where the tv cameras could catch her but nobody else. It was clear he didn't want to leave where she stood, but one nod from their best friend and Dan kissed her on the forehead and went to get into the car.
Em wished he never did.
Qualifying was bad, but finishing second to last was even worse. He'd been overtaken by nearly everyone he qualified ahead of, and he was forever behind a Haas. As much as she adored Mick Dan shouldn't have been down there with him. As soon as he was weighed he came straight to her, the two of them finding a corner to just be for a few moments before the real world had to intrude again. She knew Blake and Michael were making excuses but she didn't care, arms around Dan and holding him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Emmy. I'm sorry I fucked up and disappointed you." The heartbreak in his voice was too easy to hear and she was so angry that he thought she could be disappointed in him.
"Hey, no. No, Danny. You can never disappoint me. Not ever. Not about a result in a race. I love you. I love my husband. I love my Danny. Fuck this entire circus, I care about you. Not cars on a track."
"I love you too. So fuckin' much. You don't know how much I do."
"I've a slight idea. You're gonna be ok. We're gonna be fine. Three to go."
"Three left. Yeah." He was quiet for a moment and she could feel him taking a deep breath in. "I don't wanna go to media."
"I'll pay the fine if you want. I offered to in Monaco. Whatever makes you happy." She nearly thought he'd take it, but instead she watched as he stood up and pressed his thumb against where he knew their rings hung on her necklace as if for good luck.
"I'll see you after? We can go and pick up our bags from the hotel before we go to dinner with everyone."
"Sounds like a plan, I'll pack up." She went to separate but took her necklace off, unthreading her thin gold wedding ring from the chain before putting it back on. Dan watched as she held it up before handing it over. "For your pinkie. I'm right there with you while you're doing it."
It took everything in her to let Dan leave and go in front of the media. She knew some of the reporters, knew the ones who'd be good to him and wouldn't ask awkward questions that left him with no hope for a good answer. They could leave soon and that was what mattered.
Her brain kept boiling over with revenge plots that she knew in her heart and soul she couldn't let happen. She couldn't destroy McLaren, as much as she wished she could. It would hurt more than help. So instead she focused on putting everything into backpacks. Usually it was done neatly, clothes folded and cables coiled up. This time she just put it all in as fast as she could. She wanted to be out of the room the moment Dan arrived up to say they were free. The TV in the corner was playing an interview with him, and the moment "I don't know how I'm continuing to continue on" came out of his mouth she was so angry. She needed to be out of the circuit.
Everything was nearly done when she heard it. The remote was in her right hand to switch the TV off when Zak Brown's face appeared on it talking about Dan's performance and how he wasn't performing. She knew but seeing him talk about personal problems made her want to scream.
Em remembered Dan's description of his anger that day in Baku when the photo of them was made public. The way everything took over because the woman he loved was hurt and he couldn't change it. He had to control himself because Em needed him. And that evening in Austin she felt the exact same way, but this time there was nobody else to stop her. Without a second thought her fist made contact with the metal door hiding her from the world, a sickening crunch heard as she made contact.
“Fuck. Fuck!” Em clutched her hand to her chest as she stared at the dent in the metal door of the drivers room. She hadn’t meant to do that. It was supposed to be a little hit just to get her frustration out. Instead she couldn’t bend her fingers and she wanted to cry.
The fucking race and Zak Brown opening his fucking mouth because he couldn’t stand that the attention wasn’t on McLaren for one damn weekend. But no he had to say the cost cap penalty wasn’t enough and talk shit about Dan and if it was his face or the door at least his face wouldn’t have hurt so much.
“Ems? You ok?” She looked up to see Blake walk into the room as concern spread across his face. “TimTam what happened?”
“Punched the door.” He moved her hand and she groaned while a tear fell. “Fuck that hurts.”
“I want Michael to look, I think you might have broken it.”
“I’ll be fine till we get to Mexico. I just need to get out of here. Please Blakey.”
She nearly got through to him and convinced him to stay quiet until the door opened and Dan and Michael arrived in.
“Emmy?”
“She punched the door, her hand’s swelling up and it’s already starting to bruise. I think she might—“
“Don’t say it. Just don’t.” She was hanging on by a thread. Someone actually saying it was broken would make her lose every moment of composure she had left.
“Let me take a look.” Dan held her waist as Michael got her to twist her wrist. Flexing her fingers was completely out of the question and even in the ten minutes since it happened it was clear that her hand was swelling quickly.
“Looks like a boxers fracture Wriggle, but you need an X-ray. It might be the finger beside it too. Hospital.”
“I can’t go to the hospital. If I get spotted? If someone realises I’m there? It’s more bad fucking publicity. I’ll be fine.” She rambled for another minute before Dan stopped her with a kiss.
“Give us a sec?” Blake and Michael left the room to let them be alone and Em looked up at Dan. “You need to go, Baby. You need to. I don’t want my wife getting any more injured. I’ll go with you and we’ll be in and out and it’ll be fine. But please. I need to make sure you’re ok.”
“Fine.”
She didn't know how they managed to get out of the circuit without attracting more attention but she would forever be happy about it. Blake found a hotel near their house and pulled up, Dan walking in with her wearing a Ric3 hat to try avoid attention. He had to fill in the paperwork because she couldn't balance the clipboard with her injured hand. Em grinned watching Dan put her married name on the sheet and marking himself as her husband. The hospital needed to know it.
The triage was miserable and she was called back with Dan, leaving Michael and Blake behind. They did the same tests before and then asked Dan to leave the room for a few moments to go out to the waiting area. Her anxiety was ratcheting up as he left after the confirmation that she'd broken a bone in her hand, the medical staff asking her exactly how it had happened and if she was protecting herself. She didn't understand why they were asking until it was too late and Em was left alone in a room with a doctor and nurse.
"You can tell us what's going on. We can protect you." Her exhausted and anxious brain didn't make the connection.
"Protect me from what? A door I won't see again because this was Dan's last race there for...possibly forever? I'm not going to punch it again. I just want to get fixed up and go home."
"Is home safe for you, Mrs Ricciardo?"
They didn't ask that. They didn't. They couldn't. Home was the only safe place she had left in the world. Whether it was the farm, the apartment in London or one of the ridiculous places they called home it was safe for her. Anywhere that wasn't another Hilton hotel room was safe. Lying down with her husband and feeling him hold her was the best thing she had going for her. That was what she needed, to curl up with Dan on their mattress and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be ok.
"Home is my safe place. I've got my home and my husband and my family. Why are you asking this? Where's my husband? Why did you make him leave?"
"We think it might be better for you to-" The soft voice of the nurse made her angry. They were trying to convince her that something was wrong and as little as Em believed in her brain right then she knew Dan was right. He was the glue holding her together.
"You don't know me. You don't know what's best for me. You have no idea. I want my husband. Please. I just want my Danny. why isn't he here?"
"Ma'am, we're just trying to protect you." Em shuffled back on the bed, away from the nurse who had medication in her hand.
"Are you not listening to me? There's nobody to protect me from! I told you already, I punched a door in COTA. My husband didn't do anything, I'm the one who made a stupid mistake. Go ask anyone out there or my therapist or my psychiatrist, my husband isn't a violent man. Danny wouldn't hurt a fly. Why aren't you listening to me? Isn't that supposed to be your job to listen?" The yelling in her head was getting even worse, she didn't want to be there. She wanted Danny and could feel the tears pricking against her eyelids as she shut her eyes. She just wanted Danny.
"Mrs Ricciardo, please. Let-"
"Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. I want my hand fixed, and if you think you're touching me you're only doing it in front of my husband or brother. I'm not doing it without them here."
She felt ridiculous. She was like a child throwing a tantrum but her head was screaming. She felt like her skin was on fire, the questions and insinuations about Dan making it even harder to think. Her broken hand was held against her chest as she brought her knees up, good arm wrapping around her legs.
The medical staff moved away from her and Em focused her breathing. She could do it. She'd be ok. If they didn't let her go she could run the second the door was open. She couldn't stay. The boys were outside and she knew they wouldn't leave her alone. They were just sitting outside and she could go out to them once the doctor was gone. All Em could do was try to hold herself together until she could go back outside.
-
When Dan came back out Blake could tell something was seriously wrong. His best mate was shaking his head, worry and fear spread across his features.
"DR?"
"They think I'm hurting her. They think I'm hurting Emmy. My Emmy? I...they think I broke her hand. The doctor all but wrestled me out of the room. She was crying and they made me leave. They might want to keep her in. I heard someone mention a psych consult for her room. B I can't. She can't." The guilt rushed through Blake's veins at the mention. They knew how fragile Em was. It was obvious that she'd barely made it through the weekend, they all knew that she was barely keeping herself together. But he thought Dan needed him more and left her alone and this had happened.
"It's gonna be ok. She's not staying here. It's not happening." He didn't know where the conviction came from but it did. "They came over and said they needed her insurance information. I have some stuff but you need all of it. Plus pay whatever they need before she comes out and you have to tell her whatever the treatment costs. I'll be here for when she comes back."
"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Both of you, I dunno what we'd do. She has to get out."
"She will. Go." He watched Dan be directed to a back office before sitting down and thinking who he could call. Who had the pull here? He wasn't sure.
"Maybe it's better she stays here. Em needs help. Travelling isn't helping. She can get better and Dan can focus on racing and after the season's over she can come back." Blake didn't believe what he'd heard.
"Take that back."
"We both know she's struggling. And you won't let me help her physically at least. Maybe this is a good thing." Michael sounded so sure and that felt like a kick in the teeth.
"We're in Texas. Austin's the good part of it but this state is dangerous for women. Add to that do you really think he'd focus? After how he was when she left. And the one person who calms her down is Dan. Why do you think I keep changing his schedule to give them five minutes?"
"But if she needs-"
"No. Just fucking no. You're fired." Dan had been considering it but after this? Once the season was up he was done. So done.
"Huh?"
"We'll talk about it later. But go back to the hotel. I don't know where we're staying tonight but just go. I don't want you anywhere near her. Not a fucking chance. Get out and stay away." Michael stood to leave as Dan came back, confused.
"What happened?"
"He's going back to the hotel. Remember we were talking about him leaving at the end of the year? I told him."
"But..." Blake didn't want to do it. Didn't want to shove another thing on his best mate's plate. He couldn't.
"He thinks Em might be better staying. He's worried about her too. I told him to go back to the hotel, it's stressful."
"If it was London or Perth I might say yes. She's been sleepy, she's been miserable. Getting out of bed is impossible. But not here, I can't leave her in the States. We just need to get to Abu Dhabi. We can get her there?" He was nearly begging and Blake nodded. Whatever it took he was getting them through the next four weeks. However he could.
"Mr Ricciardo?" An unfamiliar nurse came over and Blake stood at the same time Dan did. "Your wife needs painkillers and a cast. They want to get a psychiatrist down for her but there's nobody on call tonight. I'm assuming from what she said she has one?"
"Yeah. And a therapist. It's been helping but this year has been bad." Understatement of the fucking year as far as Blake was concerned.
"I'm a fan, I know what's happening. I've got an ortho to wrap her hand and get you both out but she won't let anyone in unless it's you or her brother? I don't want them seeing you there, is her brother here?"
"That's me." He watched her take in the clear differences between him and Em, the accents being the most prominent.
"Parent trapped or something? As long as she says you are that's what matters. Come back and we can get her out in ten."
"Deal." He followed her straight back, terrified to see how Em was when he got to the room.
-
Em was ready to fight anyone when she saw the door open, a new nurse walking in with an IV kit in her hand. But Blake was standing right behind her and Em thought she could breathe again.
"B?"
"Hey Timmy." He came straight over and took her right hand, squeezing once and it was like the crushing weight on her chest lifted slightly.
"Where's...I don't know where Dan is? A doctor took him out to ask him questions and they think he hurt me and they don't believe me? I told them. I told them what I did but they didn't believe me."
"It's ok Emmy, calm down. I'm right here, I told them it was you who hit the door. It's fine. Dan's fine, he's out there filling in forms and billing stuff so he asked me to come back to stay with you. You know what American hospitals are like." She started to calm until the bill hit her. This was going to be insane and he shouldn't have to pay it.
"No, no it's gonna be so exp-"
"You think that health insurance we have doesn't cover America? He just has to give details. As soon as you came on full time he added you to the health insurance. It's all good."
"Thanks Blakey."
"Any time, Timtam. But you need to let the nurse do it, ok? It's just a painkiller so they can set your cast. There's a new doctor who isn't a dick outside. But they can't do it unless you've got fluids and a painkiller cause it'll hurt."
"I dunno what I can take with my medication. I don't want to feel fuzzy." Tears of frustration were there about to fall. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to go back to when she didn't need to talk because Dan knew what she meant. It was too much.
"Do you trust me?"
"You know I do." It was the honest truth. She trusted him more than she trusted anyone, even herself.
"Then let her give you this so you can get fixed up and we can go home. It's all good."
The only reason she agreed was because Blake asked her. He was safe. He was always safe. He was the reason she came back in the end, the reason she agreed to go to Monaco and see Dan again. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and she knew that. So she took a deep breath and squeezed his good hand as the needle went into her elbow, the nurse showing her the bag of saline and the bottle of IV paracetamol before it was hooked up.
Blake held her while they went through everything, a thick white cast wrapped around her hand feeling heavy as she sat there. He kept telling her how brave she was and how good she was doing while Em just sat looked at the floor. Once she was ready to leave he helped her up and put his hoodie around her, the nurse smiling and wishing her well.
If Blake didn't have an arm around her shoulders she would have fallen when she saw Dan outside. His eyes were red, face in a frown and he just looked defeated. He hadn't looked like that since they'd gotten the call that his contract was being ended. Her husband sat in an empty corner of the hospital waiting room with a cap on trying to be unnoticed, totally lost in his thoughts. It wasn't until Blake called him that he realised they were there, standing up and arms immediately going around her. Em felt like she could finally, finally breathe again.
"Can we go home? Please?" She whispered against his chest. The terror that someone would hear and not let her leave was all encompassing.
"Let's get out of here. I finished all the paperwork, they said you were just finishing up. We're all good, let's go home."
"Can we stop for pizza? I want cheese pizza and they said I need to eat." Dan had his arm around her directing her out, agreeing that they'd stop. "Wait. Where's Michael?"
"He went back to the hotel to pack, it's all good. Let's head." Blake led the way to the car so they could finally leave. Em slid into the back seat, Dan across from her and holding her hand.
She didn't remember much of the drive back to the house. She knew they stopped for pizza, Blake getting back in the car with boxes. There was a conversation about what the official story would be, how they'd tell people she'd broken her hand. Honestly she didn't care. She didn't want to give a shit about telling people what she was doing or how she'd been hurt but she didn't have a choice in that anymore. The world got to know everything about her.
When they made it inside Dan brought her to their room, helping her get her jeans and bra off and instead putting on cosy pjs. Blake had seen her in worse, this didn't matter to her. Instead he brought her back to the kitchen where Blake had shared their food out.
She made herself eat two slices and it was enough, after that Em curled into Dan and held onto him so tightly she thought she'd burst. The painkillers had dulled her hand to a throb and she just wanted to sleep. There was talk of moving a flight and sorting stuff and she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep.
But there was a voice in the back of her head getting louder and louder. Dan wiped her face down with micellar water and helped her into bed, pulling her close once he'd stripped down. Her ring was still on his pinkie and it made her smile.
But she'd tied him down to a crazy wife who couldn't keep her shit together. She'd given him the option in Montreal. Chloe had told her about a walk up Mont Royale where you could see the city laid out beneath you. She'd said it to Dan then, that he could leave. She wouldn't blame him for leaving then. He could go and be happy and find someone who deserved him.
He didn't sign up for a girlfriend with mental health problems. Who was having a breakdown and ruining their lives. Who had days where speaking was too much for her, the words wouldn't come.
It had happened since she was a kid. Maybe not exactly like this but she'd always had to find coping mechanisms and now it didn't work. It wasn't her fault as a kid when her parents wouldn't help her and when she was in uni and couldn't afford anything apart from the six sessions from her uni gave her of therapy. But it definitely wasn't Dan's responsibility.
He deserved to be happy, he deserved to be with someone who loved him and wanted him to take a reserve role or the job with Haas. He deserved a happy wife and life and a family that she didn't know if she could give him. She didn't know if her anxiety would ruin them. It was so much.
So she was going to tell him he could leave. He deserved the world and maybe she wasn't the one to give it to him. She couldn't pull him out of drowning and she'd pull him down with her. She was going to ruin him and his reputation and his life, and she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't hurt him the way her mental health had hurt her. Anyone in their right mind would have walked away from her by then, but with the stress no wonder Dan didn't. Everyone else had left. Her parents, her extended family, her friends, her boyfriend. But Dan had been emotional and she'd proposed to him and it was so wrong. She'd basically forced him into it. It was a stupid, stupid decision and she'd ruined his life by doing it. So she was letting him go for his own good. He'd be happy to.
"Baby? Emmy you're crying. Do you need more painkillers? What's going on?" She hadn't realised she was crying. She didn't even mean to. Em took a deep breath before saying the words that were going to ruin her.
"I won't blame you. Y'know. If you want to leave. We've only been married for nine weeks, you can leave. No fault divorce, we leave with what we came in with. I don't want anything. You deserve better than a broken wife who can't keep herself together. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want anything. I can go."
The room was silent and Em could feel her heart break the longer the silence went on. It was over. Married for nine weeks to the love of her life and she had just ended it. In the same room he'd proposed to her so they could get married properly less than a week ago. How had she said yes then? She went to move out of the bed but Dan's iron grip kept hold of her.
"Don't ever say that. Never. Never ever. You are the only woman I want in my life. You're not broken, Emmy. You are here and whole and alive and beside me. I can't lose you. Please don't ask me that. Please don't ask me to leave you because I can't. I'd walk away from all of this before I lose you. You're my wife, Emmy. I promised I love you. I'm not leaving."
"You're not leaving?"
"No. I'm not going anywhere. Never. The day I got to put that ring on your finger was the best day of my life. I love you. The same way you love all of me for some reason. We're gonna fly to Mexico in a few days and we're gonna make you feel better. It's gonna take time, but we're going to be here. It's going to work. I promise. Come and sleep, Love. I'm not going anywhere."
Em curled into him, pushing a kiss against his chest. Sleep didn't come easily to her, but the noise of Dan's heartbeat and the warmth of him against her let her finally sleep.
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