#do i seem insane??

[let-it-rip-bear]

It's not that he never learns. It's the opposite, actually. He knows the trap is there and he chooses to step in it.

This post will be exploring the possible relationship that Carmy has with self-harm/self-harming behaviors. If this is a difficult topic, please take care of yourself and skip this post.

Let’s begin with Carmy’s negative self-image. It’s confirmed and stated pretty clearly in “Braciole” during Carmy’s monologue at Al-Anon:

I'm not built like that, man. I, um… I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I had a- a stutter when I was a kid. I was scared to speak half the time. And, uh, I got shitty grades 'cause I couldn't pay attention in school. I didn't get into college. I didn't have any girlfriends. I don't think I'm funny.

This is basically the opposite of how he describes Mikey:

He was loud. And he was hilarious. And he had this amazing ability. He could just, he could walk into a room, and he could take the temperature of it instantly. You know, he could just, he could dial it.

Where Mikey was loud, Carmy was quiet; Mikey was funny, Carmy thinks he isn’t. Clearly, Carmy doesn’t have a high opinion of himself. The only thing he feels is a redeeming quality is his skill as a chef. This can be seen in his monologue:

[…] for the first time in my life I-I started to find this, uh, this station for myself. And I was fast. I wasn't afraid. And it was clear, and I-I felt… I felt okay, you know. […] I felt like I could speak through the food, like I could communicate through creativity. And that kind of confidence, you know, like I was finally… I wa… I was good at something, that was so new, and that was so exciting.

The wording gives away a lot. Carmy specifically says that he's finally good at something and that it's so new to him. It shows that he felt like he wasn’t good at anything before he developed his skill as a chef. Being a world-class chef is perhaps the only solid part of his self-identity. It’s the one thing that allows him to feel validation. It's the only part of him that he feels is valuable.

People with a highly negative self-image are found to be willing or able to endure pain for longer amounts of time than people with a positive self-image. A study published in 2015 found that the participants that endured pain longer were also the ones who more often "spontaneously described themselves as being 'bad', 'defective' or 'deserving of punishment'". It seems pretty clear that Carmy would fall under that category as well.

I believe that Carmy stayed in the NYC job with the abusive chef because it felt so similar to when he lived at home and was around his mother. I think that Carmy purposefully puts himself in those situations as a form of self-injury, which is his subconscious coping mechanism.

Now, in my headcanon, Mrs. Berzatto is verbally abusive to Carmy. I don’t have a lot to go off of her being specifically abusive, but there are multiple times throughout the show that lead me to that end. The most obvious being in “Sheridan” when he’s talking to Tina and asks if his mother went “full psycho”, to which she responds “She wasn’t calm, but the food was great.” Throughout the show, Carmy also occasionally compares Sugar’s behavior to their mother in a negative context. It’s all pulled together by the moment in “System” when Sugar asks if Carmy has spoken to their mother and he says he hasn’t. It seems like he wants to say something else and that Sugar is waiting for his justification, but the topic drops off quickly. Altogether it gives me the impression that Mrs. Berzatto is a highly emotional person who might experience mood swings or otherwise very volatile states.

I see Carmy as someone with undiagnosed ADHD. The symptoms seen in the show include emotional dysregulation, attention deficit, and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). RSD causes people to be more sensitive to perceived rejection and criticism. Mrs. Berzatto likely criticized Carmy a lot when he was younger or at the very least compared him to Mikey and Sugar a lot, resulting in Carmy’s view of himself as inferior and opposite to Mikey. One factor that is theorized to worsen a child’s stutter, or verbal fluency disorder, is a parent’s negative reaction to the stutter. It’s not considered a cause or major factor, but is considered to have some effect on the child’s fluency. Carmy would then become afraid to speak because he was afraid of making his mother angry. There's also Mikey's decision to not let Carmy work or even enter the restaurant, which I believe affected Carmy far more than Mikey had intended due to RSD.

I believe that Mrs. Berzatto's negative influence on Carmy would contribute to him being “scared to speak half the time” and possibly kickstarted his negative self-image. I think that Carmy didn’t come home directly after Mikey’s death and hasn’t spoken to his mother because he’s afraid to face her.

So, why would he want to recreate that environment? Part of it is because he believes he deserves it. It’s a form of punishment or even discipline. Now, why would Carmy seek out punishment? I think Carmy has engaged in self-harm (known clinically as non-suicidal self-injury or NSSI) for most of his life, though most of it is indirect. Through conditioning, self-injury can become a form of pain relief for people with very low self-esteem. This is known as "pain offset relief conditioning". From the same study I cited before:

People who self-injure may unwittingly be tapping into this mechanism...The first time they hurt themselves, they experience unpleasant pain. But when they keep doing it and experience pain relief, they begin to associate...other forms of self-injury with relief, and they return for more. [...] 'The natural and adaptive response is to say, ‘I'm done with this.' But people who engage in self-injury don't necessarily see pain as something to escape from,' Hooley explains. Instead, experiencing pain validates their sense of being a bad or damaged person.

This, to me, explains why Carmy continuously puts himself in environments that actively harm his mental health. This includes NYC and The Beef. For both places, outside perspectives have described the conditions as something negative (Sugar in regards to NYC and Cicero in regards to The Beef) and both times, Carmy admits that he still "enjoyed" it, in a way. Vomiting from stress and anxiety every day before work was a form of self-injury to him, but Carmy felt that he deserved it, and whenever it happened he would get a rush of relief due to offset relief conditioning.

Another side to this coping mechanism is that Carmy subconsciously wants to put himself in that situation so that he can prove to (the proxy of) his mother that he isn’t worthless, that he can pay attention, that he’s capable of speaking clearly, and that he can and will be successful. At the same time, the dynamic is simply too familiar to him—Carmy learned how to avoid his mother’s wrath and fitting himself into a similar situation brings a form of comfort. He knows how to stay out of trouble, so to speak. To quote his monologue yet again, he "wasn't afraid...and it was clear". He knows how to handle people like NYChef (people like his mother) and it's comforting to have that knowledge instead of being uncertain. It's a form of safety for him.

That's also why Carmy is very good at taking a verbal lashing with little to no complaint. He learned that just letting it happen was the way to get through the bad stuff at home. In the opening scene of “Hands”, he’s being intensely berated by NYChef and takes it in stride. Even when the chef says “you should be dead”, his face doesn’t change and he continues working just as before. Similarly, in “Dogs” when Richie and Uncle Jimmy are screaming at each other, he’s completely zoned out. His eyes are distant and he’s seemingly removing himself from the situation. I think he learned that at home.

This is the headcanon that I'm working with to explain Carmy's awful self-worth issues, strained relationship with his mother, and paradoxical enjoyment of harmful environments such as NYC. It acknowledges Carmy's possible ADHD as well as his childhood stutter.

I hope this was coherent! It was somewhat difficult to untangle the connections that I didn't fully realize I had made and lay it all out in a way that isn't just word vomit. Please feel free to ask to tag relevant triggers.

Here's the 2015 study on NSSI: "A New Look At Self-Injury"

#the bear #the bear hulu #the bear fx #tw abuse mention #tw sh #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #mrs berzatto #the bear meta #meta #the bear headcanons #i proofread this like. once. and my eyes are going crosseyed so #sry if there are mistakes i am doing my best #jj.post #do i seem insane?? #is this like balls to the wall insane

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

forever obsessed with dynamics between vampires, specifically that of a maker and fledgling, as a way to explore abuse. the creation of a vampire itself can so easily be a literalization of the lasting impacts of trauma and also much more simply the ways a perpetrator might shape their victim’s very identity. the extremes of isolation in the way that the new vampire, in most narratives, must cut all ties to their mortal life, or else go through an elaborate charade to maintain the facade of humanity, while forever still being removed from it. and the sheer dependence and vulnerability of being in an entirely new state of being, wholly uncertain of what it entails, and relying on another person to define… everything.

#or just the moral dilemmas #rewatching amc interview is kind of making me insane #that moment in episode two when louis is looking for a sort of assurance in the fact that lestat may actually have some good in him #look at how he cares about music look at the simple wondrous things that can bring him joy #and then the immediate dread when the opera performance turns out to be imperfect because he knows how lestat will react to *that* #I think there’s also something really interesting in the highlighting of lestat upbraids the less skilled singer before killing him #(slowly) #but also I will wait to watch more before I articulate my thoughts #vampires #interview with the vampire #amc interview with the vampire #i ramble sometimes #I do still find the lestat and claudia film and novel dynamic by far the most compelling for how she tries to usurp him but almost to be him #but I’m enjoying this #I’m very curious if I will like show claudia more on rewatch #the movie always resonated most with me (sue me lol) because there seemed to be more simultaneous fondness and attachment even at the end

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

#Mithrun #Milsiril #Kabru #btw I'm working with the only translations I could find sorry #so keep that in mind #like it just seemed WEIRD to me #that gloomy introverted Milsiril #who left the life of a Canary behind #decided to do this Canary-adjacent work of helping this guy #maybe the queen made her do it because so many people died and they needed more Canaries idk! #but why would anyone pick Milsiril as a life coach? I really think it was her own choice #it's so interesting how we get these hints of a downright sinster Milsiril #I really like the complicated relationship she and Kabru have #struggling to fully humanize him from her elven perspective #but still taking him seriously wrt: his fears over being a monster or his desire to go to a party! #crazy stuff there #everything about Kabru and adjacent to Kabru is insane what a character

[hussyknee]

I know some dickheads have now decided that Judaism is the "bad, violent, terrorist religion" and Islam is the "good, peaceful" one, which is only to be expected of white people, but how much of an issue is it currently? Like I've seen some USAmericans sharing how the Islamic faith shapes Gazans values and perseverance (good) except with that distinct white hippie "I'm about to imprint on this like the world's most racist duck" vibe (bad), but I didn't think they're already turning on Judaism in numbers.

Do they realize that Christianity is also the same kind of comfort to Christian minorities in Asia and Africa? That it was Buddhists that genocided the Rohingyas in Myanmar and Tamils in Sri Lanka? That Hindu fundamentalists are even now trying to ethnically cleanse Muslims in India? How Hindus and Christians are terrorized and persecuted in Pakistan? That Muslims have a history of persecuting and ethnically cleansing Jews too?

Really tired of asking y'all to be normal about people's religions man. There's no religion that's inherently violent or exceptionally peaceful. It's just like any other ideology that becomes a weapon in the hands of ethnic power. Interrogate power, not religion, and respect people's belief systems insofar as they aren't in your business.

Edit: I've amended the "long history" of Muslim persecution of Jews because it might be misleading in the current political climate. Zionism and antisemitic Arab nationalism are twin births resulting directly from Christian colonization, and Islamic empires tended to actually be more tolerant of other religions compared to Christianity, especially Judaism, which was considered a sibling religion. Antisemitism wasn't ideologically entrenched in Islamic tradition. It's simply that ethno-religious power will lead to ethno religious domination and intermittent cleansing of minorities, and Islam is no exception. Humans be humaning always.

#Edit: please boost the edit #why can't white people just be fuckin normal for once #tbh this site was so weird about Judaism that it felt almost culty #I had several crises about whether I was being antisemitic before I realized no I'm just reacting to the idealization-demonization binary #that seems to be all western leftists know how to do #white queers are the worst about this #and now some of the asks I've been getting gives me the impression that the west thinks ''Islamist'' is some kind of dangerous cryptid #y'all attach insane levels of importance to people's choice of headgear #the only common denominator of all the Muslims I know is their fixation on biriyani idk #a lot of white lefties just want to use religion to distance yourself from your white privilege #same reason as why communism is so attractive to you #y'all want to share in a legacy of oppression because it's easier than self-reflection and unlearning #antisemitism #anti Zionism #Islamphobia #philosemitism #white queers #western leftists #racism #religious fundamentalism #genocide #religious violence #knee of huss

[uncanny-tranny]

I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.

If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!

#mental health #mental health advocacy #it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and #that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people #because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy #obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished' #if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many #but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed... #...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person #i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it #and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around #it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people #it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly) #i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued #anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this #if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you #i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3

[itwoodbeprefect]

going into manner of death you may think this is a show about an adult man with an adult job (performing autopsies on his childhood friends), but the further you get, the more clear it becomes that this is actually a show about an adult man with way too many adult jobs (he also treats patients in the ER, gets called in for emergency surgery, and juggles several potentially connected murder investigations as an unpaid side gig). no wonder literally every single person around him keeps randomly handing him food, even though we know he's a good cook. with only twenty-four hours in a day, it's a miracle he even finds the time to be weird and domestic with his prime murder suspect and their pet cactus

#the only medical job he doesn't seem to take on is running the illegal abortion clinic in town #and it sort of feels like that's mostly because he hasn't been back long and didn't know it existed. i believe in you dr. bun #given a little time to settle in you could be cool enough to offer illegal abortions too!! #* #manner of death #anyway. loved this one! it got a touch insane and hard to follow in that final episode but i deeply appreciate what it was trying to do

[sombrathedragon]

Hey guys can we starting turning more human characters into animals because it’s actually really creative and I love looking at drawings and being like “Oooo it’s a little dragon I love” and then it’s actually a character from my favorite fandom and then I’m like “Oh my god it’s a little person as a little dragon I love oh my god this is so cool”

#Please I don’t wanna seem insane I swear I’m not the only person doing this #Sombra yaps (me) #dragon #furry #idk what other animals that people turn characters into #My little pony #wings of fire #wo #warrior cats #fandom #hghhhhhh I’m running out of things to tagg

[alltheshadesofamber]

My personal interpretation of Kavetham is that Alhaitham is aware of his feelings for Kaveh and he’s just accepted them, shrugged and continued living his life. It’s just a fact to him now. And if someone asked him if he ever planned on telling Kaveh, he’d be like, “It’s none of his business.”

#genshin impact #alhaitham #al haitham #kaveh #kavetham #kavehtham #haikaveh #alhaitham’s just like ‘are you stupid. why would i do that.’ #and it’s not because he’s like. afraid of rejection or whatever. that doesn’t matter to him or factor in at all #it just seems like it’d be a hassle #kaveh on the other hand despite also being a genius of equal caliber to alhaitham #does not realize they are married even though they are jointly filing their taxes #also jsyk i am not saying kaveh is oblivious. i am saying they both express and interpret feelings and others actions differently #and are also both insane

[aweina]

hobie would definitely sit like this when he’s with you. either like stu or billy, doesn’t matter — he just loves having you seated between his legs.

#.misc #i didn’t want to write so i made do with this picture #this is insanely attractive #like it seems very possessive? idk how to explain it #hobie brown x reader #hobie brown x y/n #hobie brown x you #hobie brown headcanons

[starheirxero]

Sometimes I listen to canon Gabriel quotes to imagine it as Centiclipse and this one reminded me of a silly dynamic between him and Lunara I've rotated for a while but never rlly posted about. so here's a silly video abt it LMAO

[Video ID: A still image of Centipede Lord Eclipse doing quotation mark hand motions as he angrily looks down at someone off camera. His dialogue appears on screen in time with the audio, which is the voice of Gabriel from Ultrakill, saying: You are not "whimsical" or "silly."

The frame cuts to Lunara (Evil Lunar), who is drawn with half of their face replaced by the outline of something bright, who is smiling up at Lord Eclipse in a smug, cat-like way. The audio continues, his voice raising, to say: "You are not a "little guy!"

Now, Lord Eclipse looms over Lunara as he flexes his hands angrily, the text in all caps covers up the drawing at the bottom of the screen as he full-on shouts: "You're unsettling!" The screen shakes with the emphasis. The final frame is a much simpler doodle of Lord Eclipse standing beside Lunara to point at a small, sad looking Servant Sun off the side and saying: "and you're scaring the hoes." Not in the audio but said by Lunara is a simple "blehhh :3". End ID.]

#xero creations #I THINK THEY'D HAVE SO MUCH BEEF ITS INSANE. #with lord lunar it's an entirely one-sided beef but lunara would ACTIVELY antagonize him FOR SURE. #BUT THEYD DO IT IN A WAY THAT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE THEY ARENT PURPOSEFULLY FUCKING W/ HIM. SO CENTICLIPSE THINKS LUNARA IS DENSE AS SHIT AND- #-LUNARA IS JUST LIKE LOL. LMAO. IDIOT. HE NEVER SHUTS UP DOES HE AHAJABWKSN #sun and moon show #the sun and moon show #tsams #sams #lord eclipse au #lord eclipse #centiclipse #evil lunar #lunara #sams evil lunar #sams lord eclipse #oh also i think this is the first time ive ever actually shown off my lunara design.??? #surprise. here they are LMAOAHSK

[kaeyachi]

Kaeya had always been an efficient and hard-working individual (he had to be to support Diluc in the background as his brother rose thru the ranks after all).

He has so much free time because he completes all his work way ahead of schedule. And if he still has enough time, he adds more to the workload in secret.

And once all of that was done and over with, he makes time for everyone. He has to. He feels as if every moment has to be given to someone else.

No one knows how he does it. No one has to know.

Every mission has a dozen strategies in line, and every battle plan is made with efficiency in mind. His perfect record will not be tarnished. He can't risk it (even if it baffles others that he would willingly activate a ruin guard just to prevent a failed mission. Jean disagrees with his methods, but Kaeya can say that the results say otherwise)

He needs to be quick.

Efficient.

Perfect.

And so he comes and goes like the wind.

Kaeya values time because he knew every second counted. He can't just stand there as if he were frozen. Time could run out in an instant.

Kaeya had only been late once his entire life.

He'd rather he never be late ever again.

It took one day of being of being imperfect for everything to fall apart. On that tragic day...had he gotten there on time... then maybe...

.

.

.

" Come on, let's get moving, traveler. We're not frozen in place after all. " Kaeya teasingly says. He stiffles a giggle at the traveler's exhasperated sigh.

"Yeah yeah, we've heard enough of you calling us a slacker. Can't you be a bit more patient?" Paimon whines at him.

Kaeya snorts, but acquiesces, hiding the shaking of his hands at the thought of being idle.

He imagines hearing a clock ticking.

Kaeya knows that that is his own problem. He tries his hardest to relax as he waits for the traveler to finish whatever they're making on the alchemy table because, seriously, it is supposed to be a relaxing day. There's nothing major going on, and his schedule is once again empty as intended. What's the hurry?

Kaeya taps his foot on the ground as he waits. He wishes he could take his own damn advice when he tells others to relax.

#kaeyachi randoms #kaeya #kaeya alberich #this is actually shorter than it originally was can yall believe? #kaeya with anxiety truther there i said it #kaeya cant stand being IDLE #get it? get it? #you see that is a play of words in reference to when he is stood idle on our screens. he is one of the more verbally impatient characters #and we also see it reflected on his actions both in fighting and at work. he has a speed boost bonus and if he isnt teleporting he is #actually moving so fast that he seems like it. this is what i also concluded that results him in large amounts of free time that only amber #seemed to be hardpressed about. the people of mondstadt find him reliable and approachable despite the lax attitude and frequent nights at #angels share. we also had lore tidbits before of kaeya straight up saying he finished all his work and jean saying that he also did the #backlogged ones. It is actually insane that we hear him relaxing frequently and i bet its not because of the lack of horses COZ LOOK AT HOW #BUSY THE OTHER CAPTAINS ARE. Also id like to think that he is a toned down noelle and that is why jean told him to watch over her training #give us noelle and kaeya interactions pls i kinda need it tbh #to all those that reached this far into the notes i actually have more to say so get ready #if it wasnt clear the only day he was late was when crepus died. everything fell apart for him that day so i can see some obsessive need to #just keep running around and doing things as efficient as possible. I also think that he found the knights slow and inefficient in several #occasions and he is willing to put them in the line of fire just to get their hearts pumping with adrenaline (and fear lol). idk kaeya is #just so anxiety-coded. impatience-core. Mr. dont waste my time type of guy. and also wow look i found a way to make his idles become angst #silly me ehe #oh youre still here? how about i tell you that kaeya-efficiency-alberich probably knows where everyone is at any time of the day? #can we honestly please give him more free time i need more of him tbh #fun reminder that bro is working around 3-4 jobs casually lmao #i also just realized that the notes is a whole nother post on its own #AND THE ACTUAL FUNNY PART IS I CAN STILL ELABORATE MORE ON THIS LMAO #wait let me add this one tiny idea too but he thinks time is so valuable. bro lost 2 dads and lost time with his bro + he significantly #lessened his time at dawn winery for quite some time. i can see why he is extroverted now.

[martyrbat]

[ID: Bruce Wayne and Minhkhoa Khan breaking up in the rain. Bruce is in normal civilian clothes while Khoa has a white cloak on and a mask that hides his eyes. Khoa persuades, “We'll start in a small city in Southeast Asia, and systematically dismantle its criminal underworld. Out all the corrupt politicians. And then we'll go to the next, and the next. We'll build a high-tech base of operations that moves with us. We'll live well off the coffers of the gangs we dismantle. We'll expand from there. In time, maybe we could even tackle a city like Gotham. Not like boys, but like men at the peak of our skills.” Bruce simply tells him, “No.” Minhkhoa points an accusatory finger at him as his angry response has been edited to be a post by @/egirlbutternubs that reads, “But babe you love being gaslit.” END ID]

#everybody has their burdens. for example mine is constantly thinking about batman 105 and how it could have been soo good.... #like this drives me INSANE. #hes trying to convince bruce to stay. to not leave him. he shouts he doesn't care about anyone or anything but is standing there #in the rain while bruce is about to literally board an airplane and hes trying so hard to convince him to change his mind #to not 'throw away' what hes been training to do. to not limit himself to just one city #like haha silly edit but the fact ghat khoa is putting his heart on his sleeve the most he ever will right here #to his one and only friend the only person who seems to understand him and then being told hes broken?? #literally it's such a betrayal. its heartbreaking and infuriating. its insulting. #i have a big and better post about this in my drafts somewhere...... #in the meantime i love toxic yaoi & im plagued by the idea of khoas potential in a good writers hands and how itll most likely never happen #c: batman | i: 105 #crypt's panels #batman #posts from the crypt #minhkhoa khan #ghostbat

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

#james and my mother rocking the same look. which is to say looking ghoulish due to wretched illness 🙃 #my mum can still travel tho. we havent had to stick her in thr back of a sled yet lol #also ive dragged a whole bag of markers to Europe which everyone seems to think is insane but i mean look what i can do even with a paired #down supply 🤷‍♂️ #the terror #amc the terror #james fitzjames #silna #harry goodsir

[penisbutterjellytime]

Do you understand

#butch #i just to need to get some emotions out ok #if I start thinking of some guy as butch they become insanely hot instantly #already pretty hot as a guy? becomes profusly hot so much so imaging them as a man again he seems boring #guy could be meh maybe even kinda ugly ... imagine them as butch? absurdly hot ... off the charts even #this goes for fictional and real men #Do you know how many times I've looked at a picture and went “That is the hottest butch I've ever seen” and then realize its a cis guy #and then get severely disappointed ... not that much but it's more than the average person probably #... I think this mught be lesbian behavior... me thinks

[triptychgardener]

WHAT

#I #truly do not know what to think!!!!! #i'm going insane i think #it #maybe seems good? it's got good people on the team???? #holding my breath what the fuck

[suchawrathfullamb]

sometimes. SOMETIMES. things you don't personally like or approve of or are even extremely triggered by are an intrinsic part of your favorite media or characters. and guess the fuck what? there's nothing you can do about it. denying it won't change that. so stop this childish behavior of "ew but this thing? no I don't like it" okay and? it will still exist. don't consume then, but trying to turn it into an actual problem when another fan recognizes or enjoys it, or pretending it doesn't exist is useless and quite ignorant cause. literally. it won't change. the thing will still be there. your opinion isn't canon. that's HEADcanon babes.

#hannibal has dark thoughts. sounds obvious but some of you seem to completely disregard that and you think he is YOU and so #if you have a boundary then you automatically infringe that boundary unto the character as if #no bby no you are you the character is its own thing #hannibal is a sadist and he is beyond anything remotely “normal” and it's honestly insane how some of you completely ignore that #when it's something so crucial to his character #you think “oh I don't like this thing I think it's awful and dark therefore Hannibal does too” no babes #he might actually like the thing you find extremely dark and twisted #write your own fic with your own version but don't shit rules #or complain when other fans do acknowledge the myriad of dark possibilities in both Will AND Hannibal #nbc hannibal #hannigram #hannibal #will graham #murder husbands #hannibal lecter #fanfic