#doekent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quillquiver · 5 years

Text

higher love (in acoustic)

Full credit to @doekent for the idea, which bothered me until I wrote this long thing I also posted to AO3

Castiel has had ample time to imagine how it would happen: in the heat of the moment during an argument, violent and hungry as they fought with teeth and tongue; during the aftermath of a hunt, running on adrenaline and the thrill of being unmistakably, painfully present and alive; in the quiet moments between jobs, soft and sweet and no big deal.

Cas never would have predicted it happen like this: here, with his heart fumbling into a race and throwing itself so violently against bone he’s sure it’s pounding itself into a pulp. Here, with his hands numb, totally soaked in a tingly, cold sweat and so aware of everything around him he’s certain he can feel heat from the Earth’s molten core through the rubber soles of his shoes.

Castiel does not speak. He does not think. He barely feels himself move.

But he must, he thinks hysterically, a moment after the fact. He must have raced across the five feet separating himself and Dean and fisted his filthy, mud and goo-encrusted green jacket, yanking him into a bruising, unforgiving, desperate kiss.

Cas knows he must have done this because his lips sting and his hands are still fisted in Dean’s clothing and he’s breathing as if he just ran a marathon.

“You said you killed the Empty?” he croaks.

Dean can barely manage a nod.

“And Michael?”

“…Yeah. He—he’s gone.”

There’s a tell-tale tightness in Cas’s chest and he breathes shaky and shallow. His vision blurs. “You’re certain?”

Dean smile is quiet, but it’s there. Castiel feels parts of himself unravel. “Pretty darned.”

“That was foolish.”

Dean says nothing. Cas doesn’t blink. If he blinks, he’ll be crying. It takes every ounce of strength he has to give a stiff nod and spin on his heel. He thinks he might be blushing to high heaven, and he feels sick, and he honestly isn’t sure if he wants to try and kiss Dean again, or rain down fire and fury for being left behind.

Castiel isn’t sure where he’s going other than away, but he barely gets three steps before Dean has grabbed his arm. “Hey,” he says, firm. “What’s up?”

“Let go, Dean.”

“Cas—”

“Please.”

But Dean has never—not once—done as he was told... so it’s no surprise when he gently turns Castiel to face him, keeping a careful grip on the right sleeve of his coat with one hand while the other moves up to catch the wetness on his cheek. “Cas, c’mon,” he says.

Cas rolls his lips together, looking up and giving a minute shake of his head as Dean thumbs his cheekbone. It’s leaps and bounds more contact than they’ve ever had outside of life-threatening situations, and that alone is throwing Castiel for the world’s largest “loop”. He wonders faintly if it’s possible to die of emotional excess.

Dean swallows thickly, worry bleeding into his posture and the gentleness of his hands. He’s gorgeous. “…I do somethin’ wrong?” he murmurs.

Cas counts the metal beams on the ceiling.

“You’re kinda worryin’ me over here, man. You okay? Did something malfunction?”

Blue eyes squeeze shut.

“Castiel—”

“I made a deal.”

Dean’s hand freezes.

“Not that it matters now, because The Empty is dead.” Cas’s punctuating laugh sounds hysterical even to his own ears. “Because you killed It. And Michael. And you left me here again while you went and risked your life when I had made a deal with It; Jack’s life in exchange for my own happiness. But I’ll never be happy, will I? Because you’ll always leave me behind. Because I’ll never be enough. Family is a word used to denote conditional love for a only handful of those you apply it to and I’m among them. And I just—I just realized that, I think. Right now. During the aftermath of a hasty kiss because I was overwhelmed by the possibility of loving you openly and unapologetically. Which I do. Love you. But you knew that, didn’t you? Not that it matters, now. I’m dying anyway. This is what death feels like. I’m. I—Can’t—I’m—”

Castiel’s vision is spotting, he’s suddenly freezing cold and he feels woozy and unsteady on his feet. He’s surprisingly calm for someone who is going to die, he thinks absently. Sound reaches him from an endless tunnel, and there is very suddenly a pressure on his back, breathing deep and steady. It takes a few moments for Cas to match that rhythm before he comes back to himself. Faintly, he can hear Dean speaking. His voice is low.

“You’re an asshole,” he says. “Breathe. In, out. Good. You listening, Cas? Yeah? You hear me? You’re an asshole. Keeping breathing. That’s it, with me. Fuckin’—Jesus Christ. Okay. That’s great. Scared me shitless. Goddamn fuck.”

Castiel comes to and finds he’s sitting on a chair in the war room. He’s draped over a kneeling Dean, whose right hand is buried in his hair and left presses against his chest. Cas feels as if he’s been run over by multiple motor vehicles. His trembling hands move to wrap around Dean’s body and the man in question gives a shaking exhale.

Dean leans up. Their foreheads are press together. He’s so close Castiel can see every fleck of green and gold in his irises.

“Listen to me,” Dean says, firm and urgent and something else. “Family is unconditional for every fucking person I apply it to, including you. Jesus—especially you. You fucking—you blind, idiotic pain in my ass, if I’ve left you behind any time within in the past year it’s only because I can’t stand to see you hurt. I fucking refuse to burn you again, Castiel, you hear me? I won’t do it. But it’s hard to keep you safe when you insist on throwing yourself on the sword every time one is in the goddamn room.

“And fine, I didn’t tell you about the fuckin’ death box. Okay. But cut me a little goddamn slack, here—I talked to you and three hours later I threw that entire plan out the friggin’ window. And still, after that—after all of that, you got the goddamn nerve to imply that I, what? Don’t love you? That I’m stringing you along? That I don’t care ’cause you’ll never be good enough? Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. You wanna talk about our actions, how about you fuckin’ explain to me why you made a deal with a cosmic-symbiote and didn’t share with the class, huh?”

Castiel feels his chest tighten in panic again, but Dean presses hard against his sternum, his other hand gentle as it rubs his back. He looks helpless. “…I know you, Cas. I know you did it for the kid. And I know you threw away your happiness like it was nothing because you don’t think what you want is within reach. I don’t know if that’s ’cause you don’t think you deserve it, or ’cause you think we mean more to you than you to us, or what---but that shit makes you righteously reckless. That is why I tell you to go on the easy hunts with Jack. That is why I took Sam to deal with Michael alone. And you’re an asshole if you think that after everything we’ve been through I don’t love you as goddamn fiercely as you love me.” Dean blinks rapidly here, looking down with a frown. “But hell, I’m the asshole who gave you a fucking panic attack ’cause I suck at showing people I care about them. So. Prob’ly shouldn’t listen to me.”

The lump in Cas’s throat is so big he can barely swallow. “You’re not an asshole.”

“Yeah, well, neither are you,” Dean scoffs, moving to bury his face in Castiel’s shoulder.

“You love me.”

“Yeah.”

“You love me fiercely.”

“Guess I do.”

“Dean.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Cas, that’s not—” Dean pulls away, dragging a hand over his face. “That ain’t what I meant—”

“We’re spectacularly bad at this, aren’t we?” Cas says, nerves lurking under a lightness he doesn’t feel. He’s a mess. He’s never understood the figurative meaning of the word ‘fried’ until this afternoon. “Look, I—I will stop throwing myself on the sword if you trust me not to do so, but… but I will kindly inform you that if it were to come down to you or Sam or Jack or Mary and me, I still wouldn’t choose me. Not because I don’t love myself, or care about myself, but because that is who I am, and that is who I will continue to be. And... and you love me as I am. I think.”

Dean chews his lip, rolling his eyes. “Long as you know that I come with baggage the size of these United States.”

The corner of Cas’s mouth twitches up in a smile. “I do know that, yes.”

“Good. And you should also prob’ly be aware that I wouldn’t change anything in my life, even if I could. The way we met, the shit we put each other through, every freaking goddamn apocalypse, I wouldn’t change it. I like where I am now, and I ain’t leavin’.”

Cas’s smile widens and he dips his head in a nod, finger moving to brush the line of Dean’s jaw. “We’re in agreement, there.”

“Swell.”

“Mm.”

This kiss is worlds different than the last. Gentle is too cumbersome a word to describe it—whether due to hesitance or disbelief it’s more the ghost of a kiss; hands squeezing whatever and wherever they fell, brows meeting but lips barely touching. Even still, the imprint of the contact is like a brand on Cas’s mouth.

They pull away only to immediately come together again, with slightly more pressure this time. Dean smells like burnt lightning and radiation. They kiss again. And again. And again—sharing small, chaste demonstrations of affection until Castiel has lost count of them all. Dean’s tongue swipes against Cas’s bottom lip and he opens to him, leaning forward until he’s practically falling off his chair.

The kiss reaches its natural conclusion when they’re too busy smiling to move their lips together.

“You like kissing me.” Dean teases when Cas follows him, wanting more.

Castiel narrows his eyes. “You like kissing me.”

Helping Cas to his feet, Dean catches him by the waist when his vision spots again, holding him until the head rush passes. “C’mon, let’s get some of Sam’s fancy green kale juice into you. I’m gonna wash the cosmic guts outta my hair and then I’ll… meet you in the Cave? We could watch a movie or something.”

Castiel leans forward and pecks a kiss to Dean’s filthy cheek. Even underneath the muck, he can see it glow pink.

“I’d like that.”

#destiel fic #spn spoilers #this is how i'd want it to happen #full credit to my best gal #who put this image into my head #s14 #adventures in fanfic #LOTS OF KISSING AND LFUFF AND ANGST AND ALL THAT GOOD SHIT

320 notes · View notes

moondrops-burst · 7 years

Text

get to know me meme

I was tagged by @aknightfornawt and @austrechildes thank you!!

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

a - age: 22 b - birthplace: Germany c - current time: 10:32 pm d - drink you last had: Earl Grey tea e - easiest person to talk to: probably my mom, and @whostolemycrazy f - favorite song: this is just as bad as your favorite book question-but I’m going to have to go with Astronomy by Blue Oyster Cult but the cover by Metallica (it’s where my url is from) g - grossest memory: i honestly can’t think of one-but it probably involves one of my brothers h - horror yes or horror no: Yes, but not slashers, something with a bit more substance i - in love?: with the stars, and words, and possibilities j - jealous of people?: yeah, just the ones that have it together k - kicking ass? only if it’s needed l - love at first sight or should i walk by again?: in the immortal words of Cher Horowitz-I’m picky about my shoes and they only go on my feet m - middle name: plain Jane n - number of siblings: 2 younger brothers o - one wish: to never stop seeing the world p - person you called last: my Matka q - question you are always asked: what does your name stand for? r - reasonS to smile: I’m graduating college this winter, it’s almost autumn weather where I am, I starting watching Critical Role and it’s going to take me forever to catch up, I got a new white, fluffy, puppy that is too cute for his own good s - song you last sang: Country Song by Seether in the car with my Dad t - time you woke up: too fucking early (5:40 am) u - underwear colour: Black v - vacation destination: Germany-I miss the forests and mountains and the air w - worst habit: I am absolutely terrible at keeping up text convos and also remembering to reply. I always read them and then reply back in my head without actually writing back. And then cue two weeks of silence and my utter obliviousness x - x-rays: none...wait, one i think y - your favorite food: also a very difficult question-but right now I think its Pho z - zodiac sign: Cancer

tagging: @buckybabs @the-wonderful-jinx @lclrgsl @poirott and @doekent

#em was tagged #me #i love when these ask different kinds of questions #it's almost like a journal entry #and made my night

2 notes · View notes

exploringmontrealcafes-blog · 7 years

Photo

Cafe Perko

Location: 753 Rue Villeray, Montréal

Metro Station: Jean Talon

Hello lovely people!!! I have finished finals and am currently in my summer semester (already, I know). I’ve been in the process of also applying to almost a 100 internship positions for Fall 2017 as a “software engineer intern”. It’s been hard. It’s been tiring. Exciting, but energy sucking. What could possibly help me in these stressful times? What could possibly fuel me up to be motivated and alert in my job application process?

You guessed it. Coffee.

I came here last weekend and it was a true refresher. My cousin drove us in this lovely spot in Villeray since she wanted to work on her writing (she’s amazing by the way, you should check out her poetry on her account @doekent ).

In contrast to other coffee shops in Montreal, I hadn’t heard of Perko too much. I had stumbled upon it on a few posts on Instagram but hadn’t noticed any hype. So why did we go? By the time she picked me up it was around 5 and almost all coffee shops close early - except Perko, which closed at 9. So we went for it. And I’m VERY glad we did.

This is how you discover hidden gems. And it is the best feeling. Stepping inside this relatively big coffee shop, I immediately noticed the one table that was open. The place was packed. We bolted for the one table. The picture I took and posted above is from right before their closing time and does not represent the amount of people that fills the cafe on their regular times.

The space was gorgeously decorated and felt almost home-like. There were cute signs and sayings all over the place. The baristas were very nice too.

I ordered a latte (obviously) and my cousin ordered a chai latte. Both were very delicious and my latte definitely fuelled me up and motivated me to continue writing my cover letters.

One thing I noticed was that there were a lot of kids and babies around. Some really loud… I wondered why there were so many babies in this one coffee shop. I got my answer when I saw that Perko had a little section for kids where they put many baby toys and couches for parents to relax on. I found it very cute and inviting for families. There were also changing tables in the bathrooms.

Another cool aspect about Perko is that it’s a student friendly coffee shop. There are many plugs, AMAZING wifi, a room you can rent (I think for 10$/hour) to study in… and they even have a PRINTER. Isn’t that unusually cool? And very nice of them? You can donate some money if you do print but they’ve made it completely free which is… amazing. And generous.

In conclusion: I got a lot of work done here. I loved the vibe of the cafe, I loved the coffee, I loved the people, I loved everything about it. I will definitely go back. And you should too!!!

244 notes · View notes

siboire · 7 years

Text

Get to know me tag👀

Get to know me tag Tagged by @if-immortality-unveil thanks i love doing these🙌🏻💕 RULES: you must answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people THE LAST: 1. drink: pepsi with ikon bobby on it 2. phone call: my sister 3. text message: my dad❤️ 4. song you listened to: come back home by bts 5. time you cried: like a week ago 6. dated someone twice: never dated 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no lol 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: ive lost many friends 10. been depressed: badly 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes rip me LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14. pastel pink blue and lilac IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yes and im rlly grateful for them💗 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes but i cant even remember the last time 8. found out someone was talking about you: yes a few ppl at my work place do, clients and staff 19. met someone who changed you: i dont think so 20. found out who your friends are: i believe i have 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no lol what kind of question is this GENERAL: 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: like 10% of my fb friends 23. do you have any pets: i have a yorkie doggo named Théo, 2 cats named Maya and Frida and a hamster who i call ma petite 24. do you want to change your name: no i love it, i just wish ppl wouldnt fuck it up all the time 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i had a supper with my family 26. what time did you wake up: 8:30 27. what were you doing at midnight last night?: pretty sure me naomi and tvine were drinking and dancing to kpop 28. name something you can not wait for: cant wait to go back to school, its been a while, i also want to see my family and animals, i also cant wait to see my friends audrey emily and mel again 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: a week ago? which is weird to me because i usualy see her everyday 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i could love myself and stop worrying about everything, i wish i had enough money to travel the world and i wish i could meet the love of my life (((jimin))) 31. what are you listening to right now: let me know by bts 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahahahha no, i wish 33. something that is getting on your nerves: bad drivers, homophobics, judgemental close minded people 34. most visited website: youtube, instagram, twitter 35-37. Free space 38. hair color: silver 39. long or short hair: long but i wish it was longer 40. do you have a crush on someone: does jimin count 41. what do you like about yourself: i dont know 42. piercings: ears, lip, nostrils, septum, navel, tatas 43. blood type: i dont even know i think A? 44. nickname: Kat, Kata, Katou, Kate 45. relationship status: alone af 46. zodiac: aquarius like hobi 47.pronouns: she/her 48. favorite tv show: doctor who, everything on the food network, face off, game of thrones 49. tattoos: yes i have 4 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: medically ive had 3 surgeries for ingrown nails and i got my wisdom teeth taken out does that count? cosmetic surgery, i wish 52. piercing: why is there a repeat 53.Sport: idk what that is 54. vacation: i went to greece, st-lucia in the carribeans and im currently in south korea, ive also went a few times to toronto, NYC and new jersey 55. pair of trainers: what are trainers? shoes u workout/train with? i dont workout but i wear asics to work MORE GENERAL: 56. eating: *cue the vegan who has to say theyre vegan* im vegan but i can legit have everything i want back home, on this trip tho its kinda tough 57. drinking: coke zero 58. I’m about to go: to Busan❤️ imgoing to my baby's birthplace 59. waiting for: going back home and to school 60. want: me and everyone i know to be happy and to win the lotto 61. get married: maybe one day but i dont care if i dont 62. career: i have no idea, where am i going with my life WHICH IS BETTER: 63. hugs or kisses: hugs 64. lips or eyes: eyes 65. shorter or taller: more on the shorter side 66. older or younger: i dont mind 67. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach👀 68. hookup or relationship: relationship 69. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant i dont want a dumbass troublemaker HAVE YOU EVER: 70. kissed a stranger: no omfg 71. drank hard liquor: yeah 72. lost glasses/contact lenses: i dont need thise lolol 73. turned someone down: yes 74: sex on the first date: never dated 75. broken someone’s heart: probably not 76. had your heart broken: hmm no 77. been arrested: yes 78: cried when someone died: nobody i know has died🙏🏻 i cried when 10 and 11 died tho 79. fallen for a friend: yes DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 80. yourself: a little 81: miracles: yes i do 82. love at first sight: ive experienced it and i was in love for 2 years with someone who didnt care about me 83. santa claus: lol no 84. kiss on the first date: yeah 85. angels: yes OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: Audrey💖 91: eye color: light brown, my sister loves them for some reason 92:favorite movie: perks of being a wallflower, the great gatsby, the butterfly effect, harry potter i tag @akarui-hoseok @who-cares-blr @naomi137 @doekent lol i dont have friends

5 notes · View notes