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spacepunksupreme · 1 year

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What is some good vampire media i. Like just came to the realization that I don’t know much. Finishing Dracula and watching the movie soon, watched the Netflix castlevania and i wanna watch iwtv soon (both of them)! I ask because I trust ur taste :-]

AH Hi! Feeling very honored that you trust my taste aha

I hope you enjoy Interviw with The Vampire and whichever Dracula movie youre watching! There is certainly no shortage of Dracula movies out there for one, both actual attempts at adapting the book and otherwise. There is literally (at least) one for every year from 1969-1979 lol so if you dig 70s stuff that’s certainly something to explore.

Obviously there’s vampire stuff out there in a range of aesthetics and subgenres, so I’m gonna try to cover a little variety of vibes off the top of my head, and hopefully one of these things is in your preferred flavor of vampire :)

unorganized list with brief synonsis’ under the cut

As for serious vampire series the only thing that comes to mind rn are some anime/manga. Vampire Hunter D is a light novel series with two anime film adaptations. The newer one, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000) is like an all-time favorite animated movie for mine. D is an angsty half-vampire vampire hunter, and it’s also set in a post-apocalyptic sci-fi/fantasy world. Really good mix of more traditional vampire lore with science fiction elements. Vampirism is implied to be the effects of a plague that swept earth as well as like a magical affliction in this.

Trinity Blood is a similar post-apocalyptic hard sci-fi/fantasy mix. Leaning more on the gothic fantasy side. It’s set in a world where we’ve gone back to the Catholic church being the dominate like governing force, so the main character Abel is (again an angsty half-vampire vampire hunter) a funny little priest man. The vampires are like really demon/angel vibes in this, but are also implied to be the result of intermingling with an alien species that humanity fought pre-apocalypse, if I remember correctly. I havn’t read or watched any of this since high school so it might suck now lol

The Hellsing manga/Hellsing Ultimate OVA. An all time fav of mine, but I also havnt reread any since high school so, again, it may suck now lol. This one is more modern than anything traditional fantasy. It’s set in the 90s and centered around Abraham Van Helsing’s (great?) granddaughter, Integra, running a vampire-hunting organization, with thee Dracula now calling himself Alucard (lol) as her weird devoted man-slave. The villains are undead nazis who have come back to take over the world after scientifically achieving vampirism in the pursuit of immortality. So it’s basically like Dracula and his cool lesbian boss fight vampire nazis … with guns. It’s good stupid fun. And Alucard is a really good example of vampire character who is both a gleeful killing machine and a miserable “I regret the loss of my humanity and the fact that I can never die” poor little meow meow type.

And in non-serious and non-anime (lol) there’s also the What We Do in The Shadows TV show which I’ve seen best described as “what if vampires were gay and stupid”, pokes good fun a lot of common vampire media tropes. And the characters are great. The 2014 movie is the same premise, but different characters.

Some other movies I might recommend are Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (1974) cheesy 70s movie but has some really great exploration of lesser-discussed vampire lore; the main vampire antagonist doesn’t drink blood but drains youth with a kiss, can have their hypnotic power projected back at them with a reflected surface, and causes dead animals to come back to life when passing over them in the ground, etc. It’s also got fantasic sword fighting scenes, and really fun characters. Kronos in particular is definitely supposed to be a mysterious badass type, but he really just comes off as a socially awkward loveable weirdo. He’s super strange and he smokes weed lol. Set in like a mid-19th century fantasy germanic country.

Lost Boys (1987) or Blade (1998) for more edgy modern vampires. Both movies are stupid. Lost Boys is fun for the vamp characters which are southern Californian teenage biker gang members (gay). and Blade is fun because it’s just so bad it’s good, it’s a movie to be watched for laughs, with vampires who are just like goths that go to blood raves and sit around in suits in fancy rooms. Blade himself is also another angsty half-vampire vampire hunter (I’m realizing I’m fond of this type of character lol).

And finally if you’re looking for something more similar to the Dracula novel, I think I can only recommend Le Fanu’s Carmilla. Older and shorter than Dracula and perhaps a little less exciting, but a solid classic in vampire literature (and lesbian literature), and has a lot of its own adaptations ranging from serious to silly as well.

#I confess I actually havnt seen the netflix Castlevania! I should change that. I saw maybe like two and half random episodes in college #also integra van helsing is not canonically a lesbian btw. but she is in my heart <3 #ANYWAY. this is by no means an exhaustive list of vamp stuff I've seen/read and would recommend. so do feel free to let me know if there's #a specific vibe/era/subgenre you're seeking and I can totally give you more :)#asks

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nightingaleflow · 2 years

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I was (unofficially) tagged by @bbgirlsteve to list nine of my favorite movies.

Gotta tell you, narrowing this list down was hard. I was a Film major back in the day, so I have a ton of movies that I love dearly.

Tumblr arranged them in alphabetical order, so below is the actual order, along with a little blurb about each!

(1) Requiem for a Dream (2000) This is my all-time favorite movie, and one of the few I view as being perfect. It's about four people going down the downward spiral of addiction and experiencing all of the consequences that come with it. It was the first movie I watched on my own when I was trying to be a Serious Film Student, and I was blown away by it. In particular, the editing style is remarkable. It uses over 2000 cuts, whereas your average film of the same length uses about 600 - 700. It's done in such a way to mimic a drug user's experience, going from rapid, frantic movements to slow calms. I must stress though, if you want to watch this movie, PLEASE exercise caution. The whole reason I found it was because it was on several Most Disturbing Films Ever lists, and it earns its place there. It's like a very long, drawn out sucker punch - painful, dark, and potentially will leave you laid out for a day.

(2) Legally Blonde (2001) On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, Legally Blonde is my second favorite. I'm sure most of you know it, but in case you don't: A "dumb blonde" goes to Harvard Law School to win back the boyfriend who dumped her. I love it because it works hard to subvert the dumb blonde stereotype - Elle is smart, hard-working, and above all has a good heart. This movie just has an overall positive message, plus it has a ton of female positivity, which the world needs way more of. It's my go-to sick day movie because it never fails to make me feel better.

(3) Coraline (2009) Ah, Coraline. A cautionary tale about a little girl who discovers a gateway to a perfect parallel world in her new house (except it's not so perfect). This one I love because it manages to perfectly marry the magic and pains of childhood with extreme darkness. Coraline is just a kid who longs for adventure and a family that pays attention to her, which hit home for me in a lot of ways. And then they come in with "oh by the way you have to have buttons sewn into your eyes." God, that moment still makes me shudder. Also, fun fact: Coraline held the world record for the longest stop motion animation film (100 minutes) for seven years until it was overthrown by Kubo and the Two Strings (101 minutes).

(4) Colossal (2016) Colossal is probably one a lot of you have overlooked. It's a got a very strange premise - a drunk, down on her luck woman is somehow linked to and controlling a kaiju that randomly appeared in South Korea? What? But this movie is so, SO good. After not really paying much attention to movies for a few years, Colossal was the one that made me take notice again. It's a masterclass in acting from both Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis. Its premise, while strange, lends it a unique charm I have yet to find in another movie, even other kaiju or body swap type stories. And its another positive message movie - no matter how hard life or other people knock you down, you can get back up and keep fighting. I can't recommend it strongly enough.

(5) Cat People (1942) This movie's premise is also pretty bonkers: A woman won't have sex with her husband because she thinks that she will turn into a giant cat and eat him if she does. However, do you like modern horror movies? If you do, you have Cat People to thank for them. Obviously, horror movies had come out before Cat People. It was made by RKO as a response to Universal's success with Dracula and Frankenstein, after all. However, Cat People set up a lot of things that would inspire later horror movies. In particular, its use of the idea that "What you don't see is scarier than what you do" and emphasis on subtlety rather than in your face scares is something you see coming from here. It's also credited as the source of the very first jump scare.

(6) Coco (2017) I love movies about music and/or that have good soundtracks. Coco falls into both categories, since it's about a little boy who wants to be a musician and ends up seeking out his musical ancestor in the Land of the Dead after his family rejects his musical aspirations. It is visually gorgeous - I legitimately think this is the prettiest movie Pixar has ever made, which is saying a lot. (The moment where Manny crosses the marigold bridge into the Land of the Dead comes to mind) I also love the way that the Mexican culture and music is seamlessly woven into the story. It truly transports me to a new world.

(7) The Ring (2002) Everyone knows the story even if they haven't seen this movie: It's about a video tape that kills you seven days after you watch it. And this is the single scariest movie I've ever seen. I first watched it when I was about 13. I watched it on VHS alone in the basement of my childhood house late at night (which definitely upped the scare factor). I actually thought the movie was over after they discover Samara's body in the well and stopped the movie. But then I decided I wanted to watch the credits because I wanted to see who was in the cast. And boy did I get a surprise. That single moment redefined horror for me. To this day, there hasn't been another movie that has scared me that badly.

(8) Tucker & Dale vs Evil (2010) Conversely, there hasn't been a horror comedy that hit all the right notes quite like Tucker and Dale. It's a spoof on your typical summer slasher movies like Friday the 13th or Wrong Turn, but done right. It takes every single slasher horror trope you can think of and turns it on its head. This movie made me laugh harder than almost any other movie. It's also made from a place of love, honoring the tropes and movies that came before it, and working with them to make an amazing movie.

(9) Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008) Yes, this is a romantic comedy about two friends making a porno together. And it's good. It's hard to make me like romantic comedies. They have to have something that really sets them apart. Zack and Miri does this by leaning hard (hehe) into its premise. It's not ashamed, it gleefully shows off its cast in every sense of the word, and it still manages to create one of the most intimate sex scenes I've ever seen. (Yes, in a film about porn) Plus it's funny as hell. Just do yourselves a favor and don't watch it with your mom like I did.

Some honorable mentions:

The Omen (1976) Happy Death Day Ratatouille Us Pan's Labyrinth Candyman Stranger Than Fiction Wolf Children Cabin in the Woods Little Miss Sunshine A Quiet Place

Tagging (no pressure or obligation <3): @justmyownreality @iantoya @therantingfangirl @obscurism @starnightcat @moonlight-alphafemale @mal-the-konohoe

And if you weren't tagged but want to participate, please feel free. I love talking movies!

#tag game #long post #movies #horror #animation #rom com #nightingale speaks

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inquisitorius-sin-bin · 2 years

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8, 33, 47, and 50 for the get to know you asks.

Thanks for the ask! I answered 47 and 50 here, but I'll try to give some back up answers this time!

8. where do you wish you could go?

Ohh, if only this list had an end haha. Out west is a big one for me, I've taken two trips to the Bay Area of California and one to the Phoenix area and Grand Canyon of Arizona, but other than that, the farthest west I've been is West Memphis, Arkansas. Or maybe New Orleans. They're about equally west tbh. But I really want to go to Colorado, Oregon, Washington, Alaska, Wyoming, Nevada, New Mexico, hell. Even Texas. Just so much new and different wildlife.

Also like, abroad too obviously. But I don't really have a hope or prayer of affording that. Oceania would be a dream come true.

33. what’s a cool skill, party trick, or talent you have?

Not that I get to show it off much as parties, but I love rollerskating! I'm not necessarily super impressive, but I can do some basic tricks like Shooting the Duck (no actual ducks involved). Also idk if this counts I guess but I recreationally pipe smoke tobacco on occassion and I can blow smoke rings like some kind of Hobbit lol.

47. what’s your favorite time of day?

I mentioned Dawn and Dusk in my last post but special shout out to evening as well, I love a good night hike out in the woods or a swamp.

50. what’s your favorite book, movie, and tv show?

Book- Again I am like the worst reader ever because I just can't stay focused long enough to finish a book, but aside from Dune and Lost Stars... Well I thought Phasma was pretty good, and Heir to the Empire. I also listened to the audiobook for the first in the new Thrawn trilogy and remember liking it, but sadly, my retention for audiobooks is really low.

Movie- Jurassic Park will always be #1 in my heart, but I really like horror movies too, especially campy 80's/90's horror, and I love vampire movies (except those vampire movies). Like I watched Bram Stoker's Dracula wayyyyy too young and it probably shaped me forever lol. I love Nightmare on Elm Street, Hellraiser, Scream, Lost Boys, Van Helsing, etc.

TV Shows- Since I really struggled with this the first go round, how about I tell you about a TV Show I have an... interesting relationship with. So one of my best friends is super obsessed with LOST. And because she's really into it, I watched the first 4 seasons in college. But it was a really stressful time, there was a lot going on, and I just... straight up don't remember any of it. So flash forward to now, my husband has never seen LOST, and so she starts a podcast with him as the co-host and they watch the episodes and recap and I edit the podcast for the entire first season and holy shit. I still don't remember a goddamn fucking thing that happens in this show.

I uh, don't really love it. It has good moments, but goddamn the early 2000's were like, hella misogynist and homophobic and such. But at least for our second season we're splitting up editing duties. I didn't mind it, because it made my husband and my friend happy, but wow yeah. Podcast editing takes a lot of time and I am not as into LOST as they are lol.

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ri-writing · 2 years

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I noticed your reblog of the "why do young lawyers seem to consider being stuck with count Dracula a normal day at work?" post. Seriously though, would you be willing to go into more detail on what exactly does make early law career so stressful?

I'm sorry it's taken me a bit of time to respond to your question. I wanted to make sure I gave it the time it deserved. I'm not sure if you're considering a career in law, or if you're watching friends/family go through the process, but I'm happy to try to answer questions. You can also feel free to PM me with follow up questions, etc.

I'm going to use a cut because this is going to get long. I'm also going to try to focus on the question of what causes stress for first year associates in modern times, so this is not going to talk much about Jonathan. Obviously, the usual caveats apply – this is some general information and it doesn't apply in all situations.

As we start, for a point of reference, I'm American and I'm admitted to practice in the US system. There are differences between the UK system (which is the system Jonathan's under) and the US system. I also want to stress that I like my job. I have the best clients I could imagine and a lot of satisfaction with what I do. There are positives to this career path.

Alright. Let's talk about some things that are stressful for younger lawyers.

The first one is financial. In America, there are seven years minimum of post high-school education that you must undertake to become a lawyer. You need to obtain an undergraduate degree (4 years) and then go to law school to obtain your basic law degree (3 years). Unless you're from a wealthy family, you're going to need to take out loans to do that. (When I was done, my loans were over $100,000 US$). As a young attorney, those loans hang over your head. Many young attorneys do not make a lot of money, so there is a lot of stress because you have to find a way to pay the bills.

The next thing that adds stress is the working hours. If you're in private practice (law firm lawyers), you work a lot. “Full time” for a lawyer does not look like a traditional full time job. A lawyer who is on a “three quarter time” track – a lawyer who works 3/4 of what a normal lawyer schedule is – is working the same amount of time as your average full time professional. When you're a new lawyer, you're probably not going to be allowed to work less than full lawyer-time hours. Because the success of a lawyer in private practice hinges on how many hours they bill and the bar for keeping one's job can be high in that regard, we often find ourselves working on holidays and not taking vacations during those early years. I think there was a period of about four years where I did not take a vacation. Compounding the long work hours in ye modern times (i.e. 2000 and onward) is technology. We have mobile phones and email. It's harder than ever to get away from the work. This increases stress and the likelihood of burn-out.

There are also emotional drains from the way the legal system works in general. Law is an adversarial system. It's set up so that you're always fighting with someone or something. Even in areas of law where you think there wouldn't be a lot of conflicts (such as estate planning), there are conflicts. If you aren't dealing with active conflicts, you're trying to prevent future conflicts. Most normal people do not spend the majority of their waking hours in an environment full of conflict. Lawyers do. It is hard to be around that much conflict.

Similarly, when you're starting out, you take everything very personally. That's our nature as humans, and on top of that, lawyer training teaches that clients are sacrosanct, so we can take it hard anytime the client is not happy. Lawyer training doesn't teach young attorneys how to serve clients while enforcing reasonable boundaries. When I started enforcing reasonable boundaries, I felt guilty, like I was somehow serving the client less (in reality, I was serving the client better because I was now able to act from a place of cold calculation and not REACTIONARY FEELS). In the bit of Dracula we read the last time, Count Dracula exploits this trait to manipulate Jonathan and keep Jonathan as his prisoner. It's not a bad thing to care for your clients – we should care and I list empathy as one of the skills that has made me a successful attorney – but young attorneys haven't yet figured out how to work in these environments and be zealous representatives for their clients in a way that still enforces their boundaries and allows them to approach their work from a mentally healthy place.

The stuff above is pretty common. Even at really great firms, you're likely going to have to work a lot of hours and figure out how to navigate the emotional complexities of the adversarial nature of the beast.

There's one more thing we need to talk about. This doesn't happen everywhere, but it is something to be aware of. Young attorneys are particularly vulnerable to being mistreated or even abused by senior attorneys. Again, not all young attorneys are mistreated. There are great people in the profession who treat their young associates kindly and are fantastic mentors. There are, however, some senior lawyers who, because they were treated poorly when they were young, think this gives them a license to mistreat the young lawyers who work for them (it should go without saying that this is not okay). Because young lawyers don't have their own clients, they work on jobs for the clients of older attorneys. There is a fear that, if they upset the senior lawyer who gives them work, that lawyer will pull the work and they will lose their job. This opens up a system through which mistreatment can occur. We see this point exploited by Count Dracula when manipulating Jonathan, as well. He uses Jonathan's boss as an argument for why Jonathan must stay and do as Count Dracula says. (I don't know if Peter Hawkins mistreats Jonathan, but, even if he is the kindest mentor ever, Jonathan is young and very dependent on his job. He absolutely knows another young attorney whose boss did turn on him. He is too scared to risk it).

One thing that can help protect young attorneys is to find a trusted mentor outside of your firm. (A lot of bar associations have programs that can help with this!). Meet regularly with your mentor and share what is going on at work frankly and honestly. Your mentor should be able to identify if there are situations where you need to get out – and they can help you get out if you do find yourself in one of those situations. Even if you are in the best firm ever, having an outside mentor can help with things like “how do I negotiate for a raise?” or “what are some things I should include in a business development plan?” I have lunch with my outside-the-firm mentee once a month and we talk via text probably once a week.

The last thing I'll say is a piece of general advice to any law student or new attorney – please don't be scared of us Old Lawyers you know from random places. Most of us are nice. We're also normal people. I was gobsmacked when my last summer associate was afraid of me because I apparently looked accomplished and as if I had my career together. (In actuality, I am an idiot who memes things on Tumblr). I LOVE when young lawyers talk to me. I want to help them. Even if they say the stupidest thing ever, I'll just think “aw, bless” and help them. Most of us know the early years can be hard, and if there are things we can do to help make it easier, we'll try.

#lawyer stuff

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panlight · 2 years

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Just saying you'll probably be getting some more asks in the future from me. ^^

I read your fic on Edward, Carlisle and 'the native soil' so that got me thinking what does Carlisle feel about all the vampire media and pop culture, especially in the modern era of the early 2000s? Bram Stoker kind of launched the vampire genre into the public view, at least in a creative sense and there's no doubt that Dracula has influenced vampire pop culture as a whole. But Carlisle dates back to before the release of Dracula? So what were his thoughts after living so long as a vampire and then seeing their depiction from Bram Stoker. The modern age is especially interesting, with movies like Fright Night, The Hunger, Rabbit, The Lost Boys, Interview With A Vampire, Nosferatu, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, True Blood, ect, ect. I would be especially curious to see how he would think of vampire taking a tone shift, with them in the beginning of cinema being depicted as scary, horrific monsters, to becoming misunderstood in the 80s and 90s and finally figures of romance it the modern age. (I know Twilight influenced that, but maybe in their world it was a different series or book? But similar idea and outcome?) I wonder what all vampires feel about that? Especially very old ones who got use to the idea of being creatures of night and are now in an age where vampires are in anything from Seasme Street to hard-core horror movies.

Sorry for such long block of text. You can probably tell I enjoy how cinema has shaped our monsters and culture. Thank you so much!

That is really such an interesting part of Carlisle's story, and one that I think a lot of people don't realize. What we think of when we think of "vampires" (in terms of pop culture/horror media, etc) just didn't exist when he was human. The word "vampire" didn't even exist in English until almost a century AFTER he was born.

So he was working without our assumptions about sunlight and bats and Dracula capes, he only had the older folklore, mostly from other countries. No wonder the poor Londoners trying to fend off vampires were so ill-equipped. Even if they weren't nigh indestructible Twilight vampires, the humans still were mostly just fumbling around in the dark about what these creatures even were.

The vampire 'theme' wasn't really in English literature (although obviously similar creatures existed in other cultures and were written about in other languages) until 1819, when John Poldari wrote "The Vampyre." Fun fact, it came from the same 'scary story contest' that led to Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, and the vampire was somewhat based on Lord Byron, setting the example of the aristocratic, dangerous-but-alluring vampire that has been so common in English lit. Carmilla (the prototype for lesbian vampires) came later in 1872, and then Dracula in 1897. So all of this is much after Carlisle's time, but all could have influenced how Carlisle's own creations thought about vampires.

I'd imagine Carlisle is really interested in how vampires are portrayed in media, especially modern media, although much of it is like ". . . what?" to him. His own experience with vampires, prior to becoming one himself, was . . . decidedly negative. Attacking him, killing three of his friends . . . I don't think he saw much allure or beauty or mystery there, just mindless monstrosity. He's obviously learned to see some benefits to it--it can save a life that would otherwise be lost, he can use the enhanced senses in his work as a doctor, but I think he's still largely puzzled by "sexy romantic vampire" stories. If there's a Twilight equivalent in the Twilight universe (The Dusk Saga?) he's probably just . . . kind of confused by the appeal. Esme totally gets it and is into it though. "I can't believe you're reading/watching that."

I do have a headcanon that he and Emmett like to go watch the latest vampire movies together. Emmett because "hell yeah, some sweet horror action!" and Carlisle out of a certain sense of curiosity, wanting to know how human ideas about vampires have changed yet again. Whatever the in-universe version of Eclipse would have been ("Penumbra?") was Emmett's favorite of the Dusk series of movies because it had the most action with the war with the fledgling vampires ("we should use that word that's so much cooler than 'newborn').

#asks

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tricktster · 4 years

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the twilight series suddenly makes 100% more sense if you read them under a specific premise that, i contend, is heavily supported by the text:

Much like Amy’s diary in Gone Girl, the books in the Twilight Saga are verbatim reproductions of in-universe diary entries carefully and deliberately created and curated by badass unreliable narrator Bella Swan as a means to achieve immortality.

Prerequisite assumptions:

1) Bella actively and persistently wants to become a vampire, both diagetically and (I contend) non-diagetically. The average vampire novel format often fails to capture realistic human behavior in one highly specific area: the protagonists are frequently mortals who grapple with the choice of whether to become a vampire. This is stupid, because being a vampire would obviously be dope as hell; particularly in the Twilight Universe, where vampires are not required to take a human life to survive, and indeed, have the capacity to live full and rewarding lives while integrated* into the human community.

(*integrated-ish; see Assumption 6)

2. There are too many coincidences for Bella to have encountered the Cullens by sheer chance, only to be the ONE person that Edward can’t live without (due largely to the novelty factor of not being able to read her ding-dang thoughts.)

3. Diagetically, the Volturi don’t even know Bella’s psyonic gifts until New Moon, but we also know that the Volturi scour the globe for recruits to enlist into the protection of their governing body.

4. Nobody wants to be a voiceless cog in a bureaucracy.

5. Nobody, and especially nobody in high school, wants to be a high school student forever.

6. Vampires in twilight are, as a group, cartoonishly terrible at disguising their true nature.

7. Forks is a backwater town approximately 3.5 hours away from the biotech hub of Seattle.

7. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney can eat my farts and they deserve to be preserved in this snapshot of an innocent author’s mind slowly unraveling.

Proposed timeline:

In 1993, there is a key system meltdown at a improvised biohacking startup in Seattle, rendering all innovative genetic modification experiments into a puddle of brown sludge that nobody can figure out how to dispose of per Federal regs, since they don’t even know what it is.

The broke founder of the startup, who for the purposes of this timeline I will call Jeff Bezos because that’s who it was, eventually grows tired of all the discussion about what to do, and just pops it in a barrel, drives a few hours out of town, and dumps it in a pond.

Bella Swan, a small child, is hanging out at a park with her family friend Jacob Black (and a ton of his friends) when they all decide to wade in a slightly murky pond. Thereafter, they are transformed.

Bella grows up as a normal, highly powerful mutant with a +20 to deception checks and wisdom saves. She lives in Arizona, but up until 2002, summers in Forks. While in Forks, she picks up on the local lore about a family of vampires who don’t eat people.

Because Forks (population: 17 + Charlie’s mustache) is boring, Bella bones up on the only interesting thing about it, i.e. Vampire Hometown baybeeeee.

In 2000, George W. Bush gets elected president, and his evangelical politics and general bumbling ineptitude informs Bella’s opinions on authoritative governmental entities.

In 2001, the Cullens make their intention to move back to Forks known, but they take a while because they need to pack all their stupid graduation hats and volvos, etc.

Later in 2001, a psychic Volturi scout rolls through Forks to ensure that nobody within living memory recalls the Cullens, and notices an anomaly in the psychic field.

The scout goes to confront Bella about joining the Volturi, and Bella immediately clocks him as a vampire, because vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human. This leaves the scout in a bind: she’s too valuable to kill, but she’s a pre-teen, and therefore too young to be transformed per Volturi authority.

The scout warns her he’ll have to kill her if she discusses the existence of vampires with any human. He then tells her he’ll be back in five years, and begins to sweet talk her on how good life will be when she’s a vampire, beautiful, immortal, powerful, etc. Bella asks if she has to kill, and dude says “nah, actually there’s a bunch of vegetarian vampires who are moving back here soon. Fucking nerds, but otherwise they’re doing well.” Bella is all about becoming a vampire, because Bella is a rational actor.

Bella moves to Arizona, and as the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq are unjustifiedly initiated, she recognizes that while she DOES want to be a vampire, she does NOT want to be a foot soldier in any war that she can’t support. She needs a plan.

In 2004, Bella is watching her step-dad’s minor league baseball game when it occurs to her. On her own, she’s a target for the Volturi, but if she had some people to watch her back, she might be okay. Of course, nobody fucks with the Volturi on behalf of some rando human. She’ll need to con her way into a coven who’ll have her back and also give her that +10 to constitution via vampiric transformation, which she desperately wants because she’s a rational actor. And where are the non-volturi vampires that might have her back? Fucking Forks.

Bella moves to Forks in 2004, and upon seeing the Cullens, she immediately clocks them as vampires even though they left their “we’re all vampires” booty shorts at home, because, as previously discussed, vampires in the Twilight Universe fucking suck at looking/acting human.

Bella notes that all the vampires but one are paired off in heterosexual bliss, and takes note of the straggler as a potential vehicle to vampyrdom.

Bella figures out that Eddie can read everyone’s mind but hers, because Edward Cullen fucking sucks at looking/acting like a human who can’t read minds. Bella further observes that Eddie has a huge undead boner for her.

She’s found her mark. Now she just needs to convince him that she’s better off as part of the coven than on her own. Problem: Eddie’s a self-pitying insufferably guilt-striken perpetual adolescent who keeps himself busy by feeling sorry for himself because he’s a vampire, angst angst angst etc etc. Also, I think he’s Catholic, so add some more guilt in. She’ll have to win him over by convincing him that they’re destined to be soulmates.

What does a vampire used to having complete insight into everyone’s mind but his crush’s want? A method to know what she really thinks of him. Bella begins writing a “diary” knowing that there’s no way in hell Eddie won’t sneak in and read it. So she Gone Girls it, and begins to lay a trap to lure him in. That first diary? Twilight.

This was just in the movie but a stoner chases her around with a worm on a stick. Nothing to do with this theory, I just like that part of the movie. Where’s my spinoff about that guy?

Eddie won’t give Bella what she wants (eternal life) by the end of book 1, even though she asks him to EXTREMELY POLITELY. Time to hit the diary with some more promises of undying love.

Bella reconnects with her old friend Jacob and the rest of the Mutated By Jeff Bezos Boys. Alas, they cannot turn her into a physically powerful sexy immortal with a bite, so she’s still stuck with plan A) win over a whole family of vampires with big Mormon energy. It’s the long con.

Edward’s angst abruptly takes a swing towards terminal. He’s absolutely your classic sadboy, perhaps because Bella now has one (1) friend that he knows about.

When Eddie begins to drift away on account of Angst, Bella conjurs up a secondary love interest who, coincidentally, is ALSO a sexy supernatural entity, and is much less coincidentally just Jacob.

We should establish here that Edward is like a 107 year old white dude and so even though Diary!Bella pretends not to see it, Metatextual Frame Story!Bella knows that dude is super racist.

Jacob Black is three things: 1. Like Bella, a mutant (although one with shapeshifting abilities), 2.one of Bella’s oldest and most trusted confidants, and 3. down to clown on an elderly teenage vampire who keeps stereotyping him. Sure, says Jacob, I’ll take the form of a werewolf. He seriously thinks we’re all just beastmen, huh? Hey look at me now, I’m Regis Philbin because this is 2005 and Who Wants to be a Millionaire is still sort of relevant. Sick.

Edward does not like that Bella has one (1) other friend. Bella and Jacob plot to use this to their advantage and lure Edward back on the wings of jealousy.

Eddie gets himself into trouble on account of Angst and poor communication, so Bella has to go rescue him from himself/the Volturi.

Aro finally meets her and gets to test her powers, which impress him. Now she’s back on the fucking radar.

I forget everything that happens in Eclipse, so i have chosen to omit that part.

Eventually she extracts a quid pro quo from Eddie; i’ll marry you if you turn me into a dracula.

We don’t really call ourselves that, Wet Blanket Cullen replies, entirely earnestly.

Bella gets married at 18 in 2006, and Eddie starts to backtrack his promise about changing her. This won’t stand.

Well, look, he’s an elderly guilty catholic/mormon teen who probably still uses super racist terms, but she’s stuck on honeymoon island, he has certain angles that work for him, and seriously what are they gonna do but fuck? Bella’s alternative is listening to her “husband” drone on about his interests, which are almost certainly Car, How Do I Post a Minion Picture on Facebook, and Licorice Used To Be a Lot Cheaper in the Good Old Days.

Whoops a fetus.

Bella recognizes that she’s GOT to have this baby: time’s running out, and Bella knows that at least two of the Vamps in her coven will cut ties if she terminates or otherwise fails to carry this baby to term because of the conservative religious subtext. She’s going to have to stick it out for 9 months, even though it’s a risky call.

Bella gets what she wants after giving birth. “My time as a human is over, but I've never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire.” That’s a direct quote. Except now she’s got a (pretty cute and easy) baby that she desperately wants to protect from Turning Into A Vaguely Religious Cullen Dressed Head To Toe In Cream Colored Wool.

Bella decides to fake her own death and escape with the kid and Jake so they can form i guess a detective agency. Bella will get “killed” by the Volturi, move to Sydney, and open up shop, and Jake will take the kid after her a few months later.

They’re gonna need a reason why Jake gets the kid though, and there’s only one reason to do anything amongst the Cullens: a heterosexual love interest with a super problematic age gap.

Jesus, Jake sighs, is Eddie really going to believe I’m in romantic love with your actual infant? Does he really think that little of me?

Yup.

Bella tries to draw the Volturi’s attention.

Works too well.

The Cullens call up all their vague acquaintances, who are at least kind of fun. Particularly that one dude who keeps getting angry about British conduct during the American Revolution.

Well, fuck, now the Volturi are bringing an army to fight their ragtag army of Vampires Who Are Cool And Interesting Enough That We Can Safely Presume They Are All Definitely Gay. Bella can’t let those guys die, they’re the first actually compelling vampires she’s ever talked to.

Bella saves the day because she’s OP.

All the Cool Vamps start packing up to leave and Bellz almost goes with them, but the Cullens would just keep sending missionaries after her if they knew.

Bella finishes her fourth journal with the vague warning that the Volturi are still out there somewhere and they miiiight just try and get her.

Two days later, she stages a scuffle and gets the fork out of Fucks. Her journals are the only clue.

Sirius Black and baby nessie follow once edward has stopped sobbing into his cream colored sweater and moved on to Extended Power Pouting.

Bella recruits her own army of fledglings.

Bella stages a coup against the Volturi and succeeds.

Bella sits on the iron throne with a hot lady vampire on each knee and they all kiss and stuff.

Nessie I guess forms a post punk band?

Edward dies from aspiration of a brussel sprout that he ate because he just wanted to feel something.

Charlie and Billy get married.

Charlie’s mustache develops a cult instagram following, providing them with a modest retirement income.

Jacob shapeshifts into Bill Murray and is always crashing weddings.

Bella’s stepdad is off in the B plot this whole time winning the world series with the help of a kooky angel.

There. Fixed. My soul is at rest.

36K notes · View notes

recentanimenews · 3 years

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FEATURE: Japanese Myths And How They're Depicted In Horror Anime

No matter the time or place, the folklore and myths of the past always persist. The same can also be said for anime, especially when it comes to horror. Certain franchises, such as Shigeru Mizuki’s classic GeGeGe no Kitaro, have solidified the omnipresent status of traditional Japanese folk monsters in popular culture. Other series, such as Osamu Tezuka’s Dororo interpret traditional folklore in relation to historical periods and changing attitudes toward religion. More recently, series from the 2010s and 2000s, such as Bakemonogatari and Ghost Stories, interpret the classics with modern sensibilities. When it comes to stories with a penchant for horror, it would be far more surprising if they didn’t allude to a shared supernatural mythology — the ubiquity is the point.

Neko-Musume on her smartphone

The best horror always tries to do something new. While creatures like yōkai (a wide umbrella of supernatural entities) are well-known among English-speaking fans today thanks to series like Yokai Watch, these re-imaginings always tend to play fast and loose with fidelity. Wouldn’t it be boring if every vampire movie started and ended with Dracula? In a 2016 interview with The Comics Journal, veteran manga translator Zack Davisson emphasizes this important tendency to re-contextualize old folklore:

“It’s a tricky question, as it is impossible to say what is ‘actual folklore.’ Vampires bursting into flame is considered ‘authentic,’ but that actually comes from the films, not folkloric sources. Folklore evolves and [Shigeru] Mizuki is an important part of that evolution. If you trace them back, most yokai we know come from Toriyama Sekien, who also just made things up. In fact, I would say that making up yokai is part of the grand tradition of yokai! If you are a writer/artist working with yokai and not making up at least a few of your own, you are missing the point!”

The original spirit gun

So that’s all to say — there really is no such thing as a definitive, one-to-one story based on centuries of tradition. Yōkai, as endearing as they are, are also just one part of the equation. Long-running anime such as Folktales from Japan and fantasy series Inuyasha-continuation Yashahime: Princess Half-Demon either re-tell or draw inspiration from that folklore. But that’s beyond the scope of this piece. Whether it be adaptations of urban legends about school bathrooms or vengeful spirits, I hope this round-up helps any casual or long-time anime fan appreciate how these series reimagine supernatural traditions.

Fantastic Folklore: GeGeGe no Kitaro & Mononoke

The late Shigeru Mizuki’s most influential character, Kitaro, hardly needs any introduction. In his book Yokai Attack! The Japanese Monster Survival Guide, translator Matt Alt describes yōkai as “the attempts of the fertile human imagination to impose meaning and rationality on a chaotic, unpredictable, often difficult-to-explain world.” Many yōkai are quite strange and sometimes even comedic. Scholar-artists, such as the previously mentioned Toriyama Sekien, are largely credited with inspiring their uncanny visual representations, making them the perfect subject matter for an accessible series.

The tanuki plot world domination

The titular Kitaro himself is a half-human, half-yōkai one-eyed boy who travels between the human and spirit world to resolve monster-of-the-day conflicts with his friends. Although Mizuki’s Kitaro as we know it began serialization in 1960, Mizuki originally received permission to re-imagine the character from Masami Itō, who first created Kitaro in the 1930s in pre-war Japan. The most recent 2018 anime series re-establishes Kitaro in a modern setting, yet still adapts many of the most iconic stories. Characters such as Neko-Musume, based on volatile cat spirits called bakeneko, are updated with new designs while Kitaro mostly remains the same. Mizuki’s older creations, such as the jubokko (vampire tree) yōkai, are still featured alongside a new re-imagining of the “wall monster” nurikabe — inspired by the discovery of an Edo manuscript in 2007. The appeal of Kitaro isn’t so much the meticulous adherence to yōkai mythos, but rather Mizuki’s continual improvisation of the folklore-informed monster-making tradition.

The Medicine Seller

Beyond Kitaro, other series, such as 2006’s Mononoke, dedicate entire storylines to a wider category of ayakashi (sea-bound yōkai) and funayūrei (boat spirits) written by none other than Chiaki J. Konaka. Later episodes feature bakeneko and nue (chimera monsters), but with a twist. The term mononoke itself refers to a variety of yōkai specifically referring to vengeful spirits possessing people or things. When it comes to series taking a more “fantastical” approach to folklore, both Mononoke and Kitaro thankfully never dissolve into simple rogue galleries of monsters — their (mostly) human protagonists largely remain the heart of their chilling saga.

Horror-Historical: Osamu Tezuka’s Dororo

Lord Kagemitsu Daigo makes a pact with the demons (Source: Amazon)

In Anime and Its Roots in Early Japanese Monster Art scholar Zília Papp comments Mizuki’s “Kitaro characters became synonymous with yōkai in the postwar period, continuing to the present time” compared to his peers like Tezuka. But if Kitaro made yōkai big in comedic manga, then Tezuka’s short-lived Dororo manga drove this interest toward the historical context of the Sengoku Period, or the “warring states” era of feudal Japan.

Rather than depicting spirits as purely whimsical mischief-makers, Dororo’s inciting event is a feudal lord of the fictional Daigo clan forging a pact with 48 demons, who persist to hunt his son long after the pact is forged. In his feature The History Behind Osamu Tezuka’s Dororo, Marco Oliveros comments that by depicting yōkai during this period, Dororo draws inspiration from actual shifts in changing Buddhist attitudes toward these entities:

“One of the foremost examples of this change to yokai is the tengu. Wrathful and demonic, the avian creature tricked and assaulted Buddhist clerics and civilians alike, becoming characterized as the sworn enemy of Buddhism. The apparent hostility of these yokai to Buddhism makes their dark deals with Dororo's Daigo an unsurprising turn of events for the Sengoku Jidai era.”

The Amanojaku is captured and sealed inside a Buddhist temple (Source: Amazon)

Matt Alt’s 2016 translation of Japandemonium Illustrated: The Yokai Encyclopedias of Toriyama Sekien describes the tengu (mask-wearing entities usually depicted as half-man half-bird) as “deeply associated with the religion of Shugendō,” which originated during the Heian period; however they were depicted very differently in major Buddhist sects of the same era. Unlike solely “fantastical” stories of the supernatural without much acknowledgment to historical context, Dororo is interested in this context regarding capricious attitudes of spirits of people alike. Impressive malevolent entities such as kyūbi (nine-tailed foxes) also fight against Dororo’s protagonist, Hyakkimaru, typical of supernatural jidaigeki (period drama) horror stories set in feudal Japan.

However, Dororo also features lesser entities such as amanojaku (tiny, goblin-like demons). According to the influential illustrated encyclopedia Wakan Sansai Zue compiled by Sekien-predecessor Terajima Ryōan, amanojaku and tengu were described as paired descendants of the evil goddess Amanozako (literally "tengu god"). According to scholar Haruko Wakabayashi in The Seven Tengu Scrolls: Evil and the Rhetoric of Legitimacy in Medieval Japanese Buddhism, tengu were symbolically invoked in inter-personal and religious feuds amongst Buddhist sects during the Heian period. The amanojaku depicted in Dororo is minor. But with a (simplified) understanding of its affiliation with tengu’s pre-Heian origins and its subsequent disavowal by influential Buddhist sects, Dororo's amanojaku cameo is an undeniable nod toward its theme of “old ways” impacted by a "new" institutionalized status quo.

Hyakkimaru battles the nine-tailed fox spirit in its spectral form (Source: Amazon)

While the nine-tailed fox spirit is flashy, Dororo’s amanojaku ends up pathetically sealed inside a Buddhist temple. Ironically, the amanojaku trapping scene pans from the top of a Buddhist statue, ending with the cartoonish amanojaku crushed underneath to visually imply its irrelevancy. Dororo is a story about the cultural and religious tensions brewing during this violent episode in history — making Hyakkimaru’s journey one that doesn’t simply depict supernatural folkloric tradition in stasis, but as something always under complicated socio-political stakes.

Modern Ghoul School: Ghost Stories & Bakemonogatari

What do you do if you can’t solve your evil spirit problems with a sword? For the most part, classics like Kitaro and Dororo take place in the past, or at least worlds very unlike our own. A traveling demon slayer never has to deal with student council or smartphones.

In a previous article, From Bakeneko to Bakemonogatari, I discussed all the possible lineages of the catgirl character archetype. In that piece, I claimed one of the more accurate representations of the bakeneko today was Bakemonogatari’s Tsubasa Hanekawa’s cat spirit-possessed alter-ego. It’s not simply because she is a supernatural catgirl, but rather her portrayal was obviously informed by the wider context of pre-existing bakeneko mythos. Is it possible for a “modern-day” series to tackle yesterday’s folktales while still preserving the uncanniness of the past?

The spirits possessing Bakemonogatari’s cast, referred to as “oddities,” all nearly function like vengeful mononoke spirits. For example, Bakemonogatari’s first arc, Hitagi Crab, features a crab “oddity” haunting classmate Hitagi Senjougahara. The existence of heikekani (face-shaped crabs allegedly the spirits of drowned Heike warriors from the Sengoku Period), might be a parallel, considering the arc’s theme of unresolved conflict. Another arc, Suruga Monkey, features an “oddity” taking the form of a beastly paw growing on classmate Kanbaru Suruga’s arm. Senjougahara and Suruga's crab/monkey relationship can be read as alluding to the well-known Buddhist tale “The Monkey and the Crab.” According to The National Gallery of Art on its 2019 The Life of Animals in Japanese Art exhibit, the monkey and crab are usually depicted as friends, then compete until they either make amends or resolve their conflict. Often the subject of artistic interpretation, it’s no surprise this tale found its way into anime as a metaphor for teen drama.

The kids scan a talisman and e-mail it to exorcise internet demons. Yes, this really happens.

In comparison, the 2000 series Ghost Stories is best known to English-speaking audiences for being an edgy comedy. However, its original source material, a book series titled Gakkō no Kaidan (School Ghost Stories), is more akin to a heavily researched Goose Bumps. Written by folklore scholar Toru Tsunametsu, the series showcases various urban myths and monsters, most famously “Hanako” a ghost girl who haunts school bathrooms. A 2014 NPR piece describes the most popular version of Hanako being a schoolgirl in WWII “using the bathroom when a bomb fell on top of the building.” Although Hanako gained enough popularity from the books to warrant her own spin-off anime series in 1994, she only makes a handful of cameos in the 2000 series. Entities like the previously mentioned amanojaku also appear, alongside shinigami (death gods) depicted in many other anime.

How to channel your ghost powers for success (Source: Funimation)

Hanako, because of her relatively modern backstory, is just as ubiquitous. Versions of Hanako appear in an episode of the 2018 Kitaro and most recently in the 2020 series Toilet Bound Hanako-kun. Tsunametsu currently edits the Folklore Society of Japan’s official academic journal, no doubt a testament to his priceless contributions to folklore representation in anime.

Who You Gonna Call?

There’s no way to tell the same ghost story twice. With such a layered history, contemporary anime have a nearly endless well of folkloric material to pull from. Recent series like the hit Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba and Toilet Bound Hanako-kun prove that fans will never get enough of the supernatural, just as long as things stay fresh.

Hanako politely warns the ghost-hunting kids

Long live artistic liberty and specters trying to watch you pee.

Blake P. is a weekly columnist for Crunchyroll Features. His twitter is @_dispossessed. His bylines include Fanbyte, VRV, Unwinnable, and more. He'd like a tiny yōkai cat.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Blake Planty

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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shellku · 3 years

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Film Challenge

Okay guys. Finally did it. As requested.

Have you ever left a theater before the movie was over?

Yes. Only once.

If you ever left a theater what was playing: Savages

Craziest (Random) movie you’ve ever seen:

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

“And thanks for all the fish” -Dolphins

Most disturbing film you’ve ever watched:

Crimson Peak

A film you only watched because (Tom Hiddleston ) was in it: Crimson Peak

A minor role (or movie) with a major actor you greatly enjoyed: Sebastian Stan as Jefferson/The Mad Hatter in Once Upon A Time.

A minor role (or movie) with a major actress you greatly enjoyed: Emma Watson as Pauline Fossil in Ballet Shoes

A movie everyone should see at least once: The Princess Bride

A movie you thought everyone has seen but apparently not: Who framed Roger Rabbit?

A movie you’ve tried multiple times to watch but never get through it: Silence if the Lambs

A movie that legitimately surprised you:

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. While it came out in 1980 I didn’t see it until much later obviously. I wasn’t even ten when I watched it the first time, I and was genuinely shocked.

Movie that you enjoy, that surprises people you enjoy: Scream (1996)

A movie you associated with Religion and it turns out that tracks: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

A movie you watched a lot as a kid but your not sure why exactly you watched it so much:

Hook. (And) The Sandlot.

My first movie that made me question my sexualité: The Priâtes of the Caribbean.

Sections

Anime

First Anime: Fruits Basket. Vampire Knight.

Anime I watched with my (brother): Full Metal Alchemist

Anime I tried to get into and couldn’t: D Gray Man

Anime I was surprised I enjoyed: The Neverland Promise. (And) Soul Eater

Anime I always liked (even when it confused people): Black Butler

Anime that makes me cry: Your lie in April

Anime that I love but now makes me sad too: Sword Art Online

Anime I’m just not into: One Piece

One that was recommended that I enjoyed:

Blue Exorcist

One that was recommended that I was ehh on and did not finish: Attack on Titian

One I probably should watch: Pandora Hearts

One I watched Randomly : Castlevania

One that I did not watch until (college) that everyone seems to have watched: Sailor Moon

Cartoons

Cartoons Everyone should see:

- The Peanuts.

- Garfield.

- Scooby Doo.

- Tom and Jerry.

- Pink Panther.

Cartoon I never liked: Spongebob

Cartoon I hate now: Kiayu? Idk. The one with the bald kid that whines a lot. Ugh.

Cartoon I can make myself ‘watch’ with the (niece/nephews): Paw Patrol

Films you would Recommend:

80s: The Breakfast Club

Book Adaption 80s: The Outsiders

Murder Mystery:Murder on the Oriental Express

Jim Henson pick: Labyrinth

(Suicide) Satire:Heathers

Romance: Titanic

‘Horror’ Movie: The Lost boys

Horror Movie: The Nightmare on Elm Street

Spy Flick: Saint (1997)

Mind trips: The Sixth Sense.(1999) Donnie Darko.

Stephen King: The Dark Tower

Stephen King Miniseries: Rose Red

Studio Ghibli: Howls Moving Castle. Or. Kiki’s Delivery Service.

Action Comedy: Miss Congeniality

Adventure Comedy: Jumanji

‘Dark’ Comedy: The Addams Family

Romantic Comedy: Legally Blonde

Tim Burton

Tim Burton Animated: The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton Live Action: Edward Scissorhand

Tim Burton Musical: Sweeney Todd

Dreamworks

Favorite Dreamwork’s Film:

Rise of the Guardians (and) How to Train your Dragon

Disney:

Unpopular Recommendations:

The Black Cauldron (and) The Great Mouse Detective

One that is still rather disturbing: Pinocchio

Best Soundtrack (Golden Age): Fantasia

Best Soundtrack (Modern): IDk?!

Classics (Golden) everyone should see at least once: Snow White (and) Bambi.

Wartime Era Pic: The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr.Toad

Silver Age or Bronze Age: Both!!!

Disney Renaissance or Post Renaissance: Both! If I absolutely had to choose though, Renaissance.

Moana or Lilo and Stitch: Lilo and Stitch

Frozen or Tangled: Both

Soul or Monsters Inc: Monsters Inc

Toy Story I and 2/ or/ 3 and 4? Toy Story I and 2.

Underrated: Candleshoe

Disney Holiday:

Live Action Halloween - Hocus Pocus

Live Action Halloween Series- Halloweentown

Animated Halloween- Frakenweenie

Live Action Christmas- Miracle on 34th Street (and) Eloise

Animated Christmas- Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, Mickey’s Twice Upon a Christmas, (and) Winnie the Pooh: A very merry Pooh year.

New: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms. (2018)

Disney Reimagined/Live Action:

First that made you rethink the story: Maleficent

Favorite ‘Princess’ Story: Beauty and the Beast

The Surprise: Cruella

The one you worried about but we’re happy with in the end: Lady and the Tramp

The one you worried about but ending up enjoying anyway: Aladdin

The one that was good but you could have done without: The Lion King (which really surprised me!!!I like it but I didn’t love it. Which for me was so strange since I’m a fan of the original and the play.)

The one you had high hopes for and had a mixed reaction too: Mulan. (Ended up really liking it, but I miss Mushu. )

‘Modern’ Shakespeare Adaption:

10 Thing I hate About You (The Taming of the Shrew)

Clueless (Emma)

and

The Lion King Series. (Kid appropriate)

The Lion King: Hamlet

The Lion King 1 1/2: Rosencrantz and Guildenstein

The Lion King 2: Romeo and Juliet

Vampire Pictures:

90s: Interview with a Vampire

2000+: Twilight Series

Tv Series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Vampire Action Series: Underworld

Classic: Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Dracula with a Twist: Dracula Untold (2014)

Fun Supernatural Flicks :

Witches: The Craft

Male Witches: The Covenant

Fairytale: Red Riding Hood (2011)

Ghost Hunters: Ghostbusters

Multiple Supernatural: Van Helsing (2014)

Werewolf Romance: Blood and Chocolate

Kid Friendly Live Action: Casper

Kid Friendly Animated: Hotel Transylvania

Supernatural Series:

Multi: Supernatural

Animated: Sabrina The Teenage Witch. (And) Scooby Doo.

Witches: Charmed

Fairytale: Once Upon a Time

Darker Fairytale: Grimm

‘Superhero’ Movies:

90s: Batman. (And) The Crow.

Series: Marvel’s Cinematic Universe

Classic Animated: Batman the animated series

Modern Animated: Harley Quinn

Girl Power: Wonder Woman. (and) Birds of Prey.

Something Different: Deadpool

Younger Audiences/Nostalgia: Teen Titans (animated)

Harry Potter

Favorite Film: Idk. Can’t choose honestly.

Least favorite character portrayal: .. Ginny Weasley?

Someone you loved: (so many..) McGonagall

Someone you loved hating: Bellatrix LeStrange

Someone you just hate: Dolores Umbridge

First time you cried: I cried for Sirius and Remus in Prisoner of Azkaban.

First time you jumped: Snakes or Basilisk. Chamber of Secrets. (I think I was 12?)

Someone who was so spot in acting on you can’t see them as anyone else now: Luna Lovegood

Someone who was so good even if the look wasn’t perfect: Emma Granger as Hermione OR Alan Rickman as Severus Snape.

Someone who’s injury hit you harder than the books: Colin Creevy.

Someone who’s death hit you harder than in the books: None. They hit but not as much as the books.

A scene you found just breathtakingly pretty: Christmas at Hogwarts

A scene you found creepy (even when you knew it was coming): Nagini uses a corpse as a mask.

For any Potter heads. Some things that bothered you about the Harry Potter films:

- Where is Charlie Weasley?

- Where is Peeves?

- Where are Neville’s parents?

- The green/blue/brown eye thing. (This is not against Radcliffe. Some special effects could have fixed this easily)

- HarrY DiD YOu PuT YoUR NaMe IN tHe GoBlET of FIRE?! 🔥

- In Sorcerers Stone, Why did you change the snake at the zoos breed??

- “Voldemort” versus “Voldemor”. The silent t.

- Hermione’s. Yule. Ball. Dress. Color. Blue. Not pink. She specifically changed the color.

- Fluffy. Hagrid’s adorable Cerberus was originally bought from a Greek man. Why change it to Irish? I like Ireland but it was a Greek man due to where Cerberus’s initially came from right???

- Harry’s first Weasley sweater color

- Why does Harry only see his parents in the Mirror of Eirsed? Where’s the rest of the family?

- The Underage magic rules aren’t well explained in the movies making the 3rd year summons even more bonkers sounding

- The Patil Twins Yule Ball Outfits. They could have been soooo beautiful. Like this is the Yule Ball! The Twins would have (in my opinion) much more elaborate traditional Indian styled dress robes?? Idk.

- Love Movie Hermione! But some moments take away from Ron. Like when Ron defended her in the Chamber of Secrets. Hermione didn’t know what the slur “Mudblood” meant in the books. Ron had to explain it.

- Dobby needed more screen time. Some stuff Dobby did went to Neville because so many Neville scenes were cut.

- Where’s all the secrecy from the books when communicating with Sirius- “Snuffles”? Something Harry’s godfather insisted on to keep him safe.

- Snape’s title of “The half-blood Prince” is not explained. Neither is it made clear that Severus was also abused horribly at home throughout his childhood. Also that like Harry Dumbledore did nothing to help Severus when he was a student. (Or maybe Tom Riddle when he grew up in an orphanage. I’m sensing a pattern)

- Dumbledore should have still spelled Harry during Dumbledore death scene. No way would Harry just stand there if given the choice.

- Ron was not quite as ‘dumb’ in the books and a lot of his funny moments were cut from the movie. Which makes his jealousy moments all the more unbecoming. He also comes off a bit more arrogant in the movies. (This is not against R Grint. Who is awesome) The movies gave Ron the short end of the stick.

- Weasley/Malfoy Fued. Who else wanted to see Arthur and Lucius have a fist fight in a bookstore? Exactly.

- Albus Dumbledore isn’t all Sunshine and Daisys. He does some really messed up stuff yet no one ever seems to question this.

- Remus was the last Marauder. Yet his and his wife, Tonk’s, deaths are barley acknowledged.

- Also Teddy. Harry’s Godson.

- Harry’s and Ginnys relationship is not built on. It’s just there. Ugh. Heck Movie Ginny isn’t that great. You don’t know much about her except: She’s the only girl in Ron’s family. She’s the youngest Weasley. She’s obsessed with Harry. She’s a good Quidditch player. She has a temper. She was possessed by Riddle’s Dairy when she was eleven. She’s obsessed with Harry.

- Draco is essentially Harry’s antithesis. Where is he in some critical scenes in the movies?

- Where’s the Luna love???? Harry’s pretty rude to her in some scenes.

- There is no S.P.E.W. And Hermione’s more ruthless side is gone.

- The guys hair in The Goblet of Fire. Get a hair cut. Please.

- Some of Molly’s less than Stellar Moments. (Ex. When she believed rumors about Hermione and so treated he coldly. How horrible she was to Fleur. Ect)

- Fleur. Fleur and Bill still get married but the objections to the wedding aren’t as presented in the movies. Not is Molly’s and Ginny’s extreme dislike of Fleur. Or when Arthur apologizes to Fleur. Or really any of Fleurs best moments. The whole courting process is skipped.

- House Elves. The House Elves of Hogwarts.

- Percy Weasley. The ‘betrayal’. The returned Weasley sweater. Him turning to protect his family and fight for Hogwarts at the last minute. All gone. Which involves being forgiven by the Weasley Twins not an hour before Fred dies.

- The connection of the Black sisters. Specifically Adromeda - mother of Tonks. Who is Sirius cousin. Who married Remus Lupin. Tonks and Remus the parents of Teddy.

- Dean Thomas is pretty much gone.

- Rita Skeeter. Illegal Animagus. Hermione kept her in a jar.

- The movies didn’t allow Radcliffe to be sassy and sarcastic enough. Harry Potter is one of the sassiest boys to ever walk through the halls of Hogwarts!

- Harry didn’t fix his wand in the last movie.

- The history of the Marauders.

- The history explaining why Snape could never be comfortable around and trust Remus Lupin.

#disney #challenge #film #movie #mcu #Batman #2021 #Harry Potter

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majingojira · 4 years

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Spider-Man Real-Time Aging Timeline

I’ve been asked to get on my crazy again with this, this time for Spider-Man. Well, here goes and boy, this is about to get WEIRD! A lot of this IS based on Spider-Man: Life Story, so if you are wondering about something, refer to that.

Because there’s a LOT of Spider-Man events out there, I couldn’t include them all without going totally nuts. If you have a question about them, ask! Though beware, “The writers made that up” is a possible explanation. 1946 - Peter Parker, Mary Jane Watson, Jessica Drew, Luke Cage, “Flash” Thompson, and Gwen Stacy born. 1947 - Peter’s Parents die under somewhat mysterious circumstances. His Aunt May and Uncle Ben Parker take him in.

1950 - Julia Carpenter born. 1962 - Peter Parker, 16 years old, invents a quick-drying temporary adhesive with properties similar to spider silk as an entry in a science fair (with hopes of catching someone’s eye to sell the invention to in order to aid his aunt and uncle). Unfortunately, one of the other entries was a might volatile and explodes. Peter is caught in the blast radius and injured. Worse, while on the ground an escaped Tarantula bites his hand in its panic. Peter recovers, but the incident was quite traumatic, and he associated everything that followed with that spider.

When he recovers, he finds himself stronger, faster, and tougher than he was before, and more ‘aware’ of his surroundings. Worse, he was ‘seeing’ things before they happened. He doesn’t know what to do with these abilities at first but is inspired by seeing the masked wrestler El Santo perform on TV. He hits on the idea of fighting for money with a masked identity. It goes rather well, but we know how this song and dance goes by now.

After his, he invents gloves and boots to better help him climb across surfaces, as well as web-shooters for ranged entrapment. He soon figured out web-swinging from there. And thus, Spider-Man was born! But what did cause his powers to awaken? It goes back a few hundred years. One of the greatest swordsmen of all time was a man named Zatoichi. Upon learning of this man, one of the greatest criminal masterminds of all time (Fu Manchu) attempted to re-create this man’s skills. This eventually led to the creation of the Nanjin, a sect of Warrior Monks who ritually blinded themselves to “See With the Heart”. Over time, The Devil Doctor did his best to be eugenic about the subject, but random mutation is going to random. Peter Parker his the jackpot with his genes. Upon suffering a horrendous injury, an epigenetic response kicked in and he became as they were--more in fact with an enhanced musculature and reaction time on top of it. How strong is he? Well, starting out, he was a very athletic human, far more so for his size and weight. After fighting and working out for a few years, he could give some species of vampire a go without much problem. Especially with his “spider-sense”.

And yes, Daredevil is a trained Nanjin. Obviously.

Also, this year, Jessica Drew is the only survivor of a car crash into a chemical truck that kills her family. With no one to watch her, she is kidnapped and experimented on by HYDRA. 1962-1966 - Many of Spider-Man’s classic rogues appear in this timeframe. Notable oddities about them based on what people assume are as follows: Vulture’s ‘flight harness’ was based on the old Doc Savage designed Rocket Pack, most famously employed by the Rocketeer (Cliff Seacord) back in the Late 30s/Early 40s; Otto Octavius is a Cthulhu Cultist; The Sandman is a person who absorbed a juvenile Founder/Changeling and gained some semblance of their shapeshifting abilities; The Lizard is likely tied to the experiments which created the “Alligator Man” of Bayou Landing (The Alligator People); Electro is one of several known “Electrical Mutants” -- people who were born with an electro-kinetic ability.

1964 - Norman Osborn becomes the Green Goblin.

1965 - Peter Parker meets Mary Jane Watson and Gwen Stacy.

1966 - Flash Thompson goes to Vietnam.

1969 - The death of George Stacy, Gwen Stacy’s Father.

1972 - Giant-Size Spider-Man #2 - Spider-Man and Shang-Chi team up against Shang’s Father, Fu Manchu.

Peter Parker marries Gwen Stacy. 1973 - Giant-Size Spide-Man #1 - Spider-Man tangles with (a) Dracula.

1974 - Giant-Size Spider-Man #3 - Spider-Man helps resolve a case started by Doc Savage in 1934.

Flash Thompson comes back from Vietnam with a wife, Sha-Shan Nguyen-Thompson, but without his legs.

Jessica Drew escapes Hydra’s indoctrination and tries to make headway as a hero on her own as “Spider-Woman”. It does not go well.

1975 - Marvel Team-Up #36-37 - Spider-Man meets Frankenstein’s Monster. Superman vs. the Amazing Spider-Man - Spider-Man is tricked into fighting the legendary Superman by the machinations of Otto Octavius and Lex Luthor. They eventually team up and stop the malcontents. 1976 - Jessica Drew decides to re-invent herself as the heroine “Jewel” since her powers really have very little to do with Spiders. 1977 - Professor Miles Warren’s plan of making Gwen Stacy his own via “cloning” is exposed by the ‘new’ Green Goblin, Harry Osborn. Unfortunately, tat technology is over a decade away, and his “Clone” is more “Human Meat Puppet” and rather horrifying. In the conflagration/confrontation, he and Gwen Stacy are killed. Harry Osborn disappears for a time... Mary Jane Watson-Osborn and Peter Parker comfort each other over their mutual losses.

Jessica Drew finds herself under the thrall of a mind-mage known as “The Purple Man.” The thrall is eventually broken, but though she manages to recover, it leaves scars.

1978 - Marvel Team-Up #79 - Thanks to a mystical malady, Spider-Man battles Kulan Gath, and things could have ended up badly for him, if not for the revelation that Mary-Jane Watson was a descendant of Red Sonja of Hyrkania. Touching an artifact allowed the She-Devil to manifest in the present and aid Spider-Man in taking down her ancient foe.

Spider-Man first encounters the blind seer Madame Web.

Birth of Samuel Thompson to Flash and Sha-Shan Thompson.

Jessica Drew takes up two new identities, Knightress (for about 5 minutes) and Jessica Jones to distance herself from what happened.

1980 - Marvel Treasury Edition #28 - Spider-Man manages to accidentally thwart the plans of Doctor Doom, to turn the monster known as Parasite into a massive energy storage device after it drained the life force from the Hulk, Superman, and Wonder Woman.

Secret War - Spider-Man is one of the many people invited to this decade’s Mortal Kombat tournament. Unfortunately for Shao Khan, so is Superman (Clark Kent), and he utterly wrecks the event, making the whole thing a wash, forcing Shao Khan to wait another decade to continue his win streak. The monstrous being known as “Venom” follows Spider-Man from Outworld. One of the people taken in by this is a survivor of “The Shop”, Julia Carpenter. Taking a cue from Spider-Man, she dubs herself Spider-Woman (II).

Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson marry.

Mattie Franklin born.

1981 - Marvel Team-Up #111-112 - Spider-Man has a time-traveling adventure featuring King Kull, battling against Valusian Serpent-Men. Marvel Team-Up Annual #5 - Spider-Man has more adventures with the Serpent-Men and their ancient enemies, Kull and Conan.

1982 - The monster “Venom” reveals himself. Its first host is Eddie Brock.

May “Mayday” Parker is born.

1983 - The Venom creature spawns, creating the horror known as Carnage. It goes on to spawn more Symbiotes. Jessica Jones has a child with Luke Cage (Daniel Cage) and later marries him. 1984 - Spider-Man and Batman: Disordered Minds - Spider-Man and Batman (III) team-up.

Kraven’s Last Hunt occurs.

Cindy Moon, the grandaughter of Flash Thompson, born.

1985 - Batman/Spider-Man - Batman and Spider-Man team up once again.

1988 - Anya Corazon born.

1990 - Julia Carpenter retires as Spider-Woman, Madame Web begins recruiting her as a replacement for herself.

1991 - Richard Wentworth jr., the descendant of the pulp-era anti-hero known as The Spider takes to the streets, and takes umbrage with the ‘pretender’ that is Peter Parker. He and Peter clash several times over the next few years, and the comic industry uses the presence of a ‘second Spider” to inflate the “Clone Saga” to ridiculous levels.

Thanks to developments from InGen being stolen when the company was liquidated in 1990, Efforts to Clone Spider-Man go forward under multiple groups. The results are nicknamed “Kaine” but artificial again technology doesn’t exist, so it wouldn’t bear fruit for many years.

1993 - May Parker Sr. passes away.

1995 - Richard Wentworth jr. goes to more volatile places around the world to sate his bloodlust.

Miles Morales born.

1996 - Gwen Stacy (II), niece of Gwen Stacy (via Gabriel Stacy) is born.

Mattie Franklin, a half-demon with arachnid affinities decided to become “Spider-Woman”. Her desire to prove herself causes quite a few problems.

1998 - Mayday Parker has her first outing as Spider-Girl under her parent's noses. After a few of these outings, she catches Mattie Franklin’s attention, who challenges her to a “Title Fight.” Mattie loses and chooses to go by “The Scarlet Spider” for a time afterward.

Benjamin Parker is born to Peter and Mary Jane Parker.

Cindy Moon is identified by the Nanjin and is kidnapped for ‘training’ by them. She ends up with a similar condition to Peter Parker.

2000 - Peter Parker retires from being Spider-Man and working Biotech to become a teacher at his old High School. Mayday Parker takes over properly as Spider-Girl.

2003 - Anya Corazon is kidnapped by the tattered remains of the organization known as Shocker and partly transformed into a quasi-magical cyborg super-soldier by them. She is rescued before she could be brainwashed by Kamen Rider (Kamen Rider Spirits). She takes her new ‘gift’ and becomes known as “Arana”, though people often call her “The Other Spider-Girl” to both her and Mayday’s annoyance.

2004 - Mattie Franklin dies battling drug-runners.

2005 - Samuel Thompson becomes bonded to the “Venom” Symbiot (or a facsimile thereof) by the U.S. Government. Dubbed “Agent Venom” he works with them as he furthers his military career.

Julia Carpenter takes over formally as Madame Web on the original’s passing.

2009 - Miles Morales is bitten by a spider carrying an attempt to create a retroviral payload to make Nanjin Adepts. He nearly dies from the venom, but it works -- with an added perk or two.

2011 - Miles Morales becomes Spider-Man with Peter and May’s blessings.

Kaine Parker reveals his existence to Peter, but more out of obligation, as he’d rather be left alone. He is not, thanks to mystical shenanigans. Even moving to Huston doesn’t help in that regard. He dubs himself “The Scarlet Spider”.

2012 - Cindy Moon escapes the Nanjin order and goes to “Spider-Man” to help. Mayday Parker does her best to get her settled after over a decade in isolation.

2013 - The “Ghost Spider” appears, and is eventually revealed to be Gwen Stacy (II), niece and namesake of the Gwen Stacy Peter knew. She is ‘accepted’ by the family, but has been through quite a lot and is often chastised for making bad decisions.

2018 - Miles Morales has his mind swapped with that of the extremely aged Otto Octavius via a dark ritual.

2019 - Miles Morales is freed of Otto’s domination of his mind. However, the Grand-Nephew of Otto Octavius (name currently unknown) begins causing him problems, dubbing himself the “Superior Spider-Man.”

#Spider-Man #Chronology #Timeline #Peter Parker #Mary Jane Watson #Crossover #Crossover Timeline #Miles Morales #Anya Corazon #Cindy Moon #Kaine Parker #Jessica Drew #Jessica Jones #Gwen Stacy #Ghost Spider #Julia Carpenter

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mytastessuck · 3 years

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Gorillaz: Gorillaz (2001)

The history of my relationship is a long one...but I don’t like explaining stuff so I’ll keep it brief. I became a fan of the band when I saw a premiere of the “Clint Eastwood” video on Toonami. This could be attributed to the fact that I loved cartoons and I didn’t know there was a bunch of animated music videos back then. But there are. There are a like a ton of animated music videos. Even back then. Even before back then. Did you know one won an Oscar? It was by Tom Waits. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. We’ll get to him later. Anyway, I heard a couple more songs from them around this era but I couldn’t get into them because I was young, stupid and had no money. It actually wasn’t till around the Demon Days era (Phase 2 for us in the know) that I managed to get a hold of this album. My dad is also a fan of this band and gave a special edition version of this album. Thanks to that gesture, I really got back into Gorillaz in a huge way. Looking up lyrics, lore and cameos (these guys did a song with D12. For 9/11. Is The Rap Critic’s Patreon still open? I got a request to make...).

We can get into more details later. Right now, I am going to rate every single song on Gorillaz (2001) US Deluxe Edition. 1. Rehash A nice breezy way to start off the album. Although, to be honest, if you picked this CD up and put it in a player after seeing of Gorillaz’ released singles, you’ll most likely be going, “Did I get the right disc?”. Still, that’s the reason I love the band. They can go into any genre and there is still something there that sounds like them. This song is pretty cool.

Song Score: 8/10

2. 5/4

Now this is what I’m talking about. Classic British Alternative: Uncommon time, indecipherable lyrics, disgust when you figure out what the lyrics are actually saying and a sick bass. This song right here? It justifies the purchase of the whole album. It’s nasty and it’s cool, like Peanut Butter water ice.

Song Score: 10/10

3. Tomorrow Comes Today

Oh my lord, this song. I always have a soft spot for songs that I can pretend I was deep to back in the day. Very slow, very contemplative, very moody...just like a young me. It’s good that they made this their first single because it really showed up what they were capable of.

Song Score: 9/10

4. New Genius (Brother)

Ooooo...spooky. This song is pretty nice for a dark atmosphere and recommended for singing in a bar by with smoking patrons. Also nice of Gorillaz to give us the Stranger Danger spiel without sounding completely lame about it.

Song Score: 8/10

5. Clint Eastwood

AWWW SHIT MUTHAFUCKERS, HERE WE GO! This is the song that I obsessed over for a decade of my life. I sucked the entire life out of this song to the point that I skip over it in some playlists because it has nothing left to offer me. Still, I objectively love this song and I appreciate it for introducing to this band and for introducing me to Del Tha Funkee Homosapien. Seriously, how was I supposed to live the rest of my life without knowing a guy was capable of bars like that? This song fucks.

Song Score: 10/10

6. Man Research (Clapper)

I think I can blame this song for me getting into Electronica at a later age. High-pitched voices, nice beats, the feeling that I’m in a lab watching people being experimented on...everything a good track needs. This song was really fun to sing out loud to myself when I was younger. Probably one of the things that made my neighbors call my sanity into question.

Song Score: 10/10

7. Punk

Fuck yeah. Gorillaz was slaughtering some bands before they even got of their crib with tribute to the genre. Don’t bother with the lyrics because the words just basically become another instrument on this track and boy are the instruments on their loudest display here. I can only hear a dude telling his mom to shut up on it anyway.

Song Score: 9/10

8. Sound Check (Gravity)

Gotta admit, didn’t really appreciate this song when I was younger. It felt like the pieces were there but it didn’t come together into something of substance. Now that I’m older, I...am still of the same opinion. I like the breakdown but I feel like the high-pitched voice has been played out at this point in the album.

Song Score 7/10

9. Double Bass

Ah, an instrumental. Probably one of the first ones I listened to on repeat. I love the string work on this and the accompanying beats. Really good music to chill to...if you ignore that one line.

Song Score: 9/10

10. Rock The House

Hey, it’s our old friend Del! I was pleasantly surprised to see him on another track, kicking ass to a set of nice pan flutes. Man, this song ruled. But I can only listen to the album version. The music video version censors ass crack. Ass crack! How conservative can you get?! Luckily, Gorillaz never ran into this problem again.

Song Score: 10/10

11. 19-2000

I remember this album being the first time I heard the original version of this song instead of the Soulchild Remix. Obviously, I had to prefer this version because the original version is always the best. At least, that’s the way I thought back then. Nowadays...

THEY BOTH SOUND NICE!

But I do have a special place in my heart for this song. I like the woman in the background. Adds an ethereal quality to the song.

Song Score: 9/10

12. Latin Simone (Que Pasa Condigo?)

The first time I heard this, I was like, “Why is this song in Spanish?” This is because I listened to the G Sides album first (more on that next week). But the more I listened, the more I preferred it to the English version. This guy sings like he’s before an auditorium and he wants the people outside to hear him. Funny story: I tried to play this song for my Spanish class but my speakers didn’t work for them to hear it. Sucks for them.

Song Score: 11/10

13. Starshine

This is probably my least favorite song on the album. Just melancholy for the sake of melancholy. Kind of bothers me how there’s no substance to it I can find...nice instrumental though.

Song Score: 6/10

14. Slow Country

My second least favorite song on the album. Usually I like discordant noises in a song but the amateur piano with the honks...don’t really do it for me. Nice mumbling at the end though. Never change, Damon.

Song Score: 7/10

15. M1A1

I remember the first time I watched Day of the Dead and during the beginning I kept going, “WHEN THE GUITAR COME IN?!”. I know, I know, I’m hilarious. Especially when I’m by myself. But seriously, not even factoring in nostalgia, this is the best track on the album. Great song, great singing, awesome fucking solo. The only thing better than M1A1 on this album is M1A1 live.

Song Score: 12/10

16. Dracula

You know that when I heard the sound bite from this track, I thought it was from the original movie? It’s not. It’s from fucking Looney Tunes. Damn. Egg on my face. Anyway, I love the goofiness of this track. It tries to sound dark and scary but it’s like that nice goth kid in your class who always pick Edgar Allan Poe as his Powerpoint topic. Good kid, great song.

Song Score: 8/10

17. Left Hand Suzuki Method

FEEL THE IMPACT

And I did. Like a wise man once said, I don’t need drugs to enjoy this track, just to enhance my enjoyment of it. And you know what? I don’t want to enhance it. This shit sounds good by itself. See, Slow Country? This is how you mix in things that don’t sound good together and make them sound good together. You know what that track needs? Japanese children talking. That improves everything.

Song Score: 9/10

18. 19-2000 (Soulchild remix)

And the head honcho themself, one of the first Gorillaz songs I listened to. Man, this shit slaps like Dave Grohl in a Michael Gondry video. Whenever I heard this song when I was a kid, I was thinking about it all week. It just sounds so sunny, so uplifting, like something you should be listening to on an amusement park ride. Fuck, this track is tight.

Song Score: 10/10

19. Clint Eastwood (Ed Case and Sweetie Irie remix)

...

...Is it too late to change my least favorite track on the album choice yet?

Okay, Slow Country was on the original album so it can keep its title. This track is the worst track of all the bonus ones. It’s just...they were onto something with the breakdown but the goofy reggae singing and the way too fast to enjoy beat? Just rubs me the wrong way. Ugh, and now I’m thinking of Laika already...

Song Score: 5/10

Album Score: 8.8/10

Join me next week as I review G-Sides. It’s gonna resemble fun!

#gorillaz #music #review

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castlevania-afterdark-imagines · 5 years

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Dracula, Godbrand, Alucard, and Trevor as sugar daddies!!

This tickled me to write, I hope you like it :3

(Gonna assume a modern au on this)

Dracula:

The OG Sugar Daddy.

Probably would have met him in person as opposed to an app or anything.

Has that 6th sense about anything you like. You’ve started to have to be mindful of where your eyes wander to during outing around town. Two seconds too long and suddenly you’re being pulled inside to buy those $2000 shoes.

He’s very fond of quality, doesn’t understand why anyone should be cheap if it’s going to be a garbage product. But when you give him the doe eyes he’ll conceded and that 50% off cheesy print nightgown is yours.

His favorite thing to buy for you are services, like massages or skin treatments. He loves giving you the pampering and when you glow afterwards, confidence thoroughly stoked, he’s reminded just how lovely he thinks you are.

Godbrand:

He was not…subtle, in his approach.

“Hey, what if I told you I could pay for anything you need? For the rest of your life? All I’d need from you are some small…favors.”

Bravado aside, you did find pretty quickly you could manipulate him by hamming up a coquettish attitude. Flutter your eyelashes, say it’s nothing important, and he’s stumbling over himself to figure out what it is you want and running off to acquire it.

Mostly prefers your company in private, eating meals at home rather than going out. He likes to focus on you, study you, and not having to worry about prying eyes when he reaches out to touch you.

Loves to buy you shiny things, anything to decorate you that you can show off and know that he was the one who got it for you.

Alucard:

The traveling daddy.

He went traveling with his family a lot when he was younger and wants to show you everything the world has to offer.

Any place he sees you browsing on Instagram about and he’s suddenly looking up flights on his phone. You’ve sometimes had to pause him mid purchase to point out that those pictures of Thailand were NOT during the monsoon season. And Japan in the summer is murder in a box.

If there’s any places you like to visit more than once he’ll offer to buy you the language classes so you can have an easier time navigating around.

He’s not a huge socialite but he loves to watch you talk to locals and sniff out private excursions for the two of you. Being with you is like getting to see the world for a second time.

Biggest expense he usually gets for the two of you are better plane seats. He’s not spending all this money just so you two can arrive tired and not be able to enjoy the first few days.

Trevor:

Probably the least financially equipped of the sugar daddies. Family is rich as fuck but he has to work his tail off for access to any of it.

He appreciates you never ask for anything crazy lavish, like vacations and designer brands, because you also understand how hard it can be to earn a dollar.

But he’s also always a little baffled when you’re shocked by the little things he’s willing to cover for you.

Coffee? On him, obviously. Replacing your worn out shoes? As if he’d let you walk around barefoot. Spending one dollar more to get the brand of cereal you actually like? God Dammit woman just put it in the cart already, what do you take him for?

His favorite thing to get you are creature comforts, the extra delicious dinner out or replacing your old bedding with new comforters and enough pillows to make another bed out of. The world is rough, and he likes giving you a place where you can relax among soft things.

-Mod Soviet

#godbrand #modern au #mod soviet #gender neutral reader #vlad dracula tepes #imagines #Castlevania #adrian tepes

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thenightling · 5 years

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Dracula The Vampire’s “Origin”

Now that Hotel Transylvania 3 and Castlevania have popularized two very distinctly different incarnations of Dracula there has been some question to what his origin is. Well, there are several answers. This post will discuss some of them, including some favorites and some... not so favorites.

There are many contemporary stories on how Vladislaus Drakulya (archaic: Wladislaus Dragulya) AKA Vlad III (the third) of Wallachia AKA Vlad Țepeș ( Țepeș means The impaler) became the vampire of Bram Stoker’s famous novel.

(Continue reading under the cut.)

First... Vlad the Impaler:

The first implication that Dracula’s backstory is that if Vlad the Impaler comes from the novel itself. “He must indeed be the Voivode Dracula who won his name against the Turk.” - Doctor Abraham Van Helsing in the novel Dracula by Bram Stoker.

Vlad the Impaler never answered to Țepeș as that literally just means ”Impaler.” He called himself Vladislaus Drakulya (Dracula) because of his and his father’s membership to The order of the Dragon. In modern Romanian Dracula means son of the Devil but in the fifteenth century it meant Son of the Dragon or Little Dragon. The root word was the Latin Draco.

This was his chosen surname as a means to distance himself from the cousins whom he blamed for his father and older brother’s deaths.

The first people to call him Vlad The Impaler were The Ottoman Turks, who were his sworn enemy, as they had held him and his brother, Raduk prisoner as children, and later demanded tribute of gold and boy slaves (which Dracula would not abide). The Ottomans called him Kaziklu Bey meaning (Impaler Prince or Impaler Lord). This later evolved to the Romanian Țepeș but only after Vlad’s death.

Though Dracula, the vampire, can grow older or younger (based on how much blood he consumes in the novel) it would seem his “base” (default or youngest) age is about forty-five or forty-six-years-old, the age Vlad the Impaler would have been at the time of his mortal death in late 1476 or early 1477.

Further comment: There is NO lore where the vampiric Dracula’s fangs are “straws.” Often he is described as not only craving blood and needing it to maintain his strength, but also enjoying the taste. This would be exceedingly difficult to savor if he’s slurping up the blood with his teeth-straws. (God, that idea is so stupid...) As far as I know he still uses the human digestive tract but burns all the components of the blood and therefore does not produce waste and this is why he “does not sup” (quote from the novel), as his body probably cannot process human food.

Many people got “bored” with the idea of Count Dracula being the historic Vlad the Impaler so they latched on to the historical inaccuracies of the novel, and the fact that the name was chosen late into the writing of the novel, as proof to argue that the vampire was not him, or they would pretend it was another relation of Vlad the Impaler even though Vlad the Impaler is the only Voivode (General or Warrior Prince) who won his name against the Turks. And he chose his own surname of Dracula because he resented his own cousins, whom he held accountable for his father’s death. Vlad The Impaler’s father answered to Dracul. The “a” at the end is important as it implies “Son of”.

The fictional story by Bram Stoker loosely implies that after his death in 1476 (or early 1477) the historic Dracula rose from his grave as the infamous vampire. There is no specific story in the original Stoker novel explaining how Dracula became the vampire, only a vague reference to his possible attendance of Scholomance (Folkloric school of magic. Think darker Hogwarts.)

Many recent (within the last thirty years) fictions came up with stories to explain how Dracula became a vampire.

Examples of modern origin ideas:

The 1992 film Bram Stoker’s Dracula claims he renounced God after he was told his wife was probably damned for committing suicide. He then... stabbed a giant stone cross that bled and during his tantrum he drank the blood that poured out... I like the movie but I’m not a fan of this origin for the vampire, I tend to ignore that part when watching the movie.

The film Dracula 2000 took another extreme approach and claimed Dracula was Judas. Claiming that this is why he’s repulsed by silver (since he was paid in silver) and why he’s weaker by day (because he hung himself at dusk), and why he is repulsed by crosses. I don’t really like this version because it ignores all the events of Vlad the Impaler’s very obviously human life pre-vampirism. It’s also weird to imply that a Middle Eastern Jewish man somehow became an early renaissance Romanian Eastern (Greek) Orthodox who later converted to Catholicism.

I don’t think this particular origin is clever at all as it’s used far too often. It became a trend to make Dracula or the first vampire into a Biblical figure.

Note: Dracula is NOT the longest lived / oldest vampire in the lore of the Bram Stoker novel. That is never claimed. He’s just a powerful vampire. The idea that he is the king of the vampires was invented in the films and or is a self-given title.

Anyway, thanks to Dracula 2000 a trend started. DC Comics decided to attempt making Cain the first vampire during New 52, and the 2013 film Dracula: The Dark Prince (2013 film not to be confused with Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula, which is a far superior film, or even the Hammer Dracula: Prince of Darkness.) had it that Dracula was Abel and only a descendant of Cain could kill him... for some reason... Honestly, I got tired of the idea of Dracula being a Biblical figure really quickly as this was just a result of people being “bored” with the idea of him being Vlad the Impaler post-Death. The TV show Dracula (2013) that aired on NBC (not to be confused with the more enjoyable 1990 TV series of the same name), claimed that Dracula was turned into a vampire by The Order of The Dragon after they murdered his wife, to punish him for putting science before religion. As... You know... it totally makes sense to turn your enemy into a powerful immortal who can rip your throats out... (I’m not a fan of this show AT ALL!)

The film Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula (2000) told a slightly loose retelling of the historic Dracula’s life story and implied that he became a vampire because he was murdered as in many old legends someone with unfinished business or whom was murdered (or commited suicide) might return as a vampire.

The film Dracula: Untold (2014) told an even looser (and far less respectful) version of the historic Dracula’s backstory. (I feel Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula did it better). This one had an ancient vampire hiding out in a cave transform Vlad into his heir by feeding him his blood. A human victim being fed the blood of a vampire is a common method of vampiric transformation in modern fiction. Anne Rice uses it, and in the original Dracula novel by Bram Stoker, Mina had described being forcibly fed Dracula’s blood.

The graphic novel series called Dracula: The Company of Monsters indicated that much like in Stoker’s novel, Dracula practiced Magick during his human life, and that the mixture of honey and herbs used to preserve his head when it was delivered to the Sultan of the Ottoman empire, was actually part of an arcane process (that he orchestrated to bring about his own vampiric immortality.

The manga and anime Hellsing (and Hellsing OVA Ultimate) gives yet another origin and it’s one of the few to remember he had been decapitated during or after his assassination.

The Castlevania video game franchise gave yet another origin to Dracula. Also note that Lords of Shadow is considered an AU (Alternate universe). I’m not a big fan of this origin though I love the current Castlevania animated series on Netflix. Despite what some viewers have theorized, yes, in the franchise he was originally human. He was not born a vampire. Don’t expect any historical accuracy in Castlevania but it does have a great portrayal of Dracula, nevertheless.

Also note: He bites a major artery. No need for illogical and idiotic “straw” (I still can’t get over that there are people on Tumblr who like that idea) teeth. You rupture the carotid artery and there will be a major torrent of blood and probable death. I’m sorry for harping on this but I still can’t grasp that there are people who “Like” the stupid fan idea that vampire teeth are straws. Go home, you anatomically-confused children of mosquitos.

Favorite origin for Dracula:

There are many recent stories invented to tell the origin of Dracula the vampire. But my personal favorite is the one told in Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula book series. Fred Saberhagen’s Dracula books (Sometimes called the New Tales of Dracula or The New Dracula, or The Dracula sequence) retell the novel Dracula from Dracula’s point of view and then tell further adventures. It entails ten novels starting with The Dracula Tape and three short stories. The sixth book in the series is called “A Matter of Taste” and it includes Dracula’s vampiric origin.

The story covers his death in historically accurate and graphic detail but after his death his body (and severed head) are retrieved by loyalists who spirit away his body and severed head (leaving behind a fallen soldier who resembled him). They tend to his body for burial and as they do the candles keep going out and the head seems to be re-attaching to the neck. Growing nervous they hastily bury him at a crossroads with the intention of retrieving him later for a proper burial. The head of the false Dracula corpse was delivered to the Sultan in 1477, matching the historic record.

After some time Dracula heals in this grave and rises as a vampire. Where most vampires are created via a blood exchange in this book series (a human bitten and then drinking the blood of a vampire) Dracula claims to have never been bitten by another vampire, nor did he drink another vampire’s blood, making him unusual to the other vampires of the book series.

He convinces himself it was a transition of will that he refused to die and so became the vampire but the reality is he actually has no idea how it happened and I kind of like that a lot.

It’s an explanation and a non-explanation while being respectful to the history and not undoing or changing any of the events of the human man’s life. It just deals with posthumous unlife.

Also, contrary to popular modern beliefs, Dracula does have a soul in the original Bram Stoker novel and the heroes even became convinced they could save him (spiritually) after Mina scolded them about talking about Hell. She said the better part of him might still be saved and ascend and that he should be pitied. At the end of the novel they were relieved by the look of peace on his face when they destroyed him, implying that yes, despite all that he had done as a vampire, yes, he had been forgiven and had gone on to Heaven.

Fred Saberhagen also had an interesting theory as to why symbols of faith hurt vampires. He believed it was psychosomatic. That a vampire is easily influenced by the beliefs of those around him because his is naturally psychic he’ll pick up on the beliefs of those around him and if a believe is strong enough it can plant a suggestion that has a physical manifestation. This also accounts for why you need faith for the symbol to actually work in such films as Fright Night (original 1985 film).

An interesting thing to note is that in 1931, when they really dug up where Vlad the Impaler was supposed to have been buried, all they found were animal bones.

In the book and documentary (narrated by Christopher Lee) “In Search of Dracula” it was suggested that his body may have been relocated to under the altar of the chapel where he had been buried. This remains unconfirmed.

#Dracula #Castlevania #Hotel Transylvania #Christopher Lee #Gary Oldman #Bram Stoker's Dracula #Bram Stoker #Count Dracula #Vlad the Impaler

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