#drawing one picture takes so long i cannot draw 50+!!!!! so i gave up and the rest of that animatic is just gonna exist in my brain only

[evercelle]

i was briefly possessed by the delusion that i should make an animatic (shan’t, already abandoned), but here’s a little exchange from it that i liked (’:

#genshin impact #xiaoven #venti #xiao #ever makes art #i spent about two days putting together a storyboard and roughing 50+ frames #then i spent another day refining a bunch of them including redrawing two of them like four times #and THEN i woke up from that strange delusion and remembered that Actually Drawing is really fucking hard LMAO #drawing one picture takes so long i cannot draw 50+!!!!! so i gave up and the rest of that animatic is just gonna exist in my brain only #anyway ive got nothing but the deepest respect for animators... yall are operating on a diff level of skill patience and dedication

[qiankunfics]

KunTen Masterlist Part 5

AO3

1. love-shaped by andnowforyaya

Summary: “You didn’t answer me, kitty cat,” Kun teases. “And you let the air conditioning out.” Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

2. your majesty by farthendur

Summary: *KunTen features most prominently amongst other mentions of Kun-pairings. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

3. down into the mountain sound by rowenabane

Summary: Sometime after sunset, a man walks through the village walls. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

4.  Another Addition by rowx3yourships

Summary: Ten gave a small laugh. “Well - we may have adopted a kitten.” Rating: General Status: One-Shot

5. big news by 10vesick

Summary: The doorbell rings almost as soon as it’s settled, startling them both. The time has come. They’re about to share the big news. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

6. after midnight by trembleseos

Summary: kun and ten getting into the mood until... Rating: General Status: One-Shot

7. the godlike kind by rowenabane

Summary: Kun smiles sadly, the expression one that Ten remembers better than his own name. “You did.” Rating: Teen Status: On-Going

8. Billet-doux by lumively for seupeuu

Summary: A story about love, magic and mischievous kittens. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

9. home is not always a place by merryofsoul

Summary: I'm happy you're here, Kun thinks. I'm happy you're home. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

10. Tsunami by jenojaemin

Summary:  He’s making mountains out of molehills. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

11. Art. by Dream_Run

Summary:  "See the cane I bought? The one you laughed at?" Kun nods. "I'd like to paint your ass cheeks red with that cane, and take a few pictures." Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

12. match made by merryofsoul

Summary: If it wasn't for Ten's meddling dongsaengs, he wouldn't have found the love of his life. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

13. make me feel special by princealliance (anaksemuabangsa)

Summary: Love is supposed to make you feel special, right? That's not how Kun makes him feel, though. Rating: Explicit Status: Completed

14. Tremors by Intricate6

Summary: Ten is having a bad day with his tremors and Kun helps him cope Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

15. everything is blank until you draw me by xiaojunrights

Summary: Ten was such an intricate person. His mind worked in ways that Kun couldn’t fully understand. It was like he saw the world in such a different light from everyone else. He saw something no one else could see. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

16. The Tone by drawing_board, funkeymonkey

Summary: In which Ten gains a new found respect for the leader of the group, after learning that he has a whole side of him that Ten didn't know about. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

17.  Child's play. by Dream_Run

Summary: Ten meets his son's new teacher. Qian Kun. His childhood best friend turned friend-with-benefits at university. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

18. labyrinth by madhoney

Summary: He was blinded by its beauty, too easily enchanted into playing whatever silly game Ten wanted. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

19. inconveniently in love with you by erika_leana

Summary:  un is an oblivious idiot and Ten has been in love with him since the day he met him. Rating: Teen Status: On-going

20.  Waves (and everything that was left unsaid). by devinemoon

Summary: It took some time to realize that the small waves coming at me were actually warning me from the tidal wave that was to come. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

21. wrap you (in me, my love) by miramiro

Summary: “I love you, Kun. I want you to trust me the way I trust you,” Ten says. “Believe me, if I could spend every second of the day telling you how beautiful you are and how happy you make me, I would.” Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

22. Heart made of glass, my mind of stone by chaerinsthighs

Summary: In which Ten, disappointed with people's obsession to seek the wrong kind of love in the wrong places, finds his match in Kun, the lovely bartender of his favourite bar, ever a romantic in the most fascinating way in Ten's eyes. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

23. two of us in this world by TheRPL

Summary: Maybe it was a series of before and afters, a chain reaction, leading to the inevitable. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

24.  from front to back, sometimes up and down by Markmeinyourheart

Summary: Four Times people couldn't tell if Kun and Ten were in love and the one time they gave a straight answer. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

25.  merlot at noon by nuoyiwriter

Summary: a kun/ten soft smut oneshot Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

26. ambrosia by petitfleur (moonfleur)

Summary: Ten arrives on Olympus for one of the greatest celebrations of the year. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

27.  be the light by MVforVictory for EbbaTriesToWrite

Summary: Ten has a headache. Kun is a good boyfriend. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

28. From Home by softyjseo

Summary: October seventeenth is the worst day of Ten’s life. Rating: Teen Status: Completed 

29.  We Shine Bright (I’m Alive) by blandbanana

Summary:  You’re stretched thin. Being a leader is really hard, and we can all see the effect it has on you. This isn’t supposed to be an attack, just a slight intervention from the hyungs to set you back on track. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

30.  rosy cheeks and sweet smiles by laehys

Summary: kunten with the princesses dresses on. they fuck. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

31.  the unseeing eye by rowenabane

Summary: Ghosts do not exist until they do, and then suddenly they don’t. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot

32.  la la lost by misseverdeen

Summary: Ten sends an inappropriate copypasta to producer!Kun. Rating: Teen Status: On-going

33. 96linerzz legendzz by dojaefairy

Summary: *main couple is not KunTen but they feature really cutely Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

34. renegade blue by idlesong

Summary: By the shore of a purple sea, Kun seeks refuge from the persistent reminders of his misery. Ten offers him a way out. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

35.  Rosehip by Mntsnflrs

Summary:  Days like this were worse than the days of feeling nothing at all. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

36.  think i wanna feel love by tetrahedra

Summary: TenAlice, and Kun's reaction. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

37. mistletoe: tree of reincarnation by chanshine

Summary: the kingdoms of blue and red have been at war for longer than anyone could remember. their rulers seek peace. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

38.  Never Have I Ever by EbbaTriesToWrite

Summary: A game of never have I ever leads to a lot of revelations about WayV's leader Rating: Explicit Status: On-Going

39. A very Muggle Halloween by writesinfontuwu

Summary: Ten knows about the spooky festival muggles enjoyed. It was a day that the magical folks were able to drop their disguise and blend in with the muggles. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

40. alright, sir! by kuntenjohnil

Summary: Professor Qian and Professor Li are (obviously) crushing on each other, but none of them seems to be willing to make the first move. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

41. of their own by andnowforyaya

Summary: Ten surprises Kun on their favorite night of the year (outside of their birthdays and their wedding anniversary): Halloween. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

42. mirror, mirror... by goldhorn (englishsummerrain)

Summary: It really isn't Ten's fault Kun is so fucking hot in the dress. It might be his fault for pushing his buttons, though. Rating: Explicit Status: One-Shot

43. I think I'm Love With -- by Con10nt (acaesura)

Summary:  Ten likes to blame the mercurial retrograde for all of the sudden intense requests at the studio, the ache that still digs deep into his knee at the end of a series of hard days, and the very few hours of sleep he’s managed between showcases. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

44.  Met you at Ten by jcc_seo, moon_apple

Summary: Then, Ten started visiting the cafe and showed Kun the fun of life outside his comfort zone. Rating: General Status: One-Shot *Also a pod-fic

45. If You'd Only Come With Me by childofmalin

Summary: After moving to a small town, Kun finds himself longing for someone he barely knows. His secret is a dark one. Rating: Mature Status: One-Shot Trigger: Rape, Murder

46.  close range, closer still by rowenabane

Summary: Ten blinks open a single eye. “I killed someone to protect you. It evens out, doesn’t it?” Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot Trigger: Death, Murder

47. universe's error by fructoseintolerant

Summary: *Mention of JohnTen but end-game is KunTen.   Rating: General Status: One-Shot

48.  Child's play 2. by Dream_Run

Summary: "Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for being you, and for being mine." he whispers, resting his forehead against Ten's, a smile on his face. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

49. Fruits, Fights and Family by Drea_is_Dreaming

Summary: Kun, for the life of him cannot figure out what he did wrong. Rating: Teen Status: One-Shot

50.  hold me closer tiny dancer by TheRPL

Summary: Ten is the star. He has a talent for being loved. He also has a talent for getting under Kun’s skin. Rating: General Status: One-Shot

#kunten #masterlist #part 5 #kun #qian kun

[dovveling]

Why must you keep giving me opportunities to spam your ask box 😔

❣️ When did your OC first realise they were in love? How did they react to the realisation?

💍 Which one of them would propose? How would it happen? (or write if you feel like it!)

💋 Who is the best kisser? (if you’d like write a short smooch scene!)

BESTIE THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME I'VE BEEN WANTING TO WRITE A WEDDING SCENE--

❣️ When did your OC first realize they were in love? How did they react to the realization?

- Unfortunately, it was love at first sight-- Even if Iolas would rather drop dead than admit this. He probably saw the incredibly ostentatious portrait of Lucio in his wing and was taken aback by how attracted he was to this man who was supposedly dead. It only got worse after Lucio got attached to Iolas through the ghost binding within canon-- Iolas the whole time thinks Lucio's romantic advances are just for fun and doesn't expect Lucio to love him at all. All the While he's completely in love with Lucio. (even if he acts like a rude little shit to him 50% of the time) It isn't until Lucio asks him to go traveling in the upright ending that's when Iolas realizes that Lucio is serious about him and even if it scares the shit out of him he can't help but believe him. The events of everything come crashing onto him and he realizes that He's 100% in love and cannot escape it.

💍 Which one of them would propose? How would it happen? (or write if you feel like it!)

(THANK YOU-- I will put this under a read more because the next two answers will be LONg but look under if you wanna see two idiots fall in love)

The sun hung low in the sky as Lucio makes his way to the palace gardens. He has asked Iolas to meet him out by their favorite spot in the garden maze. the blonde smiles remembering how the two of them had found the hidden spot while goofing around and shoving each other into the hedges. It wasn't until one hard push sent Lucio through the hedge and where he expected to land on his ass but he found himself on the other side of a portal with Iolas calling for him from the other side. After Lucio had ushered the other man through the portal the two looked over a hidden meadow that seemed to be somewhere close to the center of the maze.

Lucio could picture it perfectly; the stark white gazebo in the center, the perfect sun rays that sprinkled the fluffy grass, and the willow tree with its small leaves that dripped and trickled. He loved when the wind would blow and the tendrils of the willow would tickle up the wooden beams of the gazebo and scare Iolas into laughter every time the leaves would brush against his lover.

As Lucio draws closer to the portal before he stops and stares at the ring he had spent hours picking out. He had never fussed so much over a gift for someone. He never had to worry about gift-giving, because anything he picked out was glamorous and simply perfect. this however wasn't just a gift. It was a question. It was a statement and soon as he would think he was close to picking he would look and see a flaw and wonder if Iolas could see it and if he did then he'd never get to hear the answer he so desperately wants to hear to the question He'd rather not be asking.

So many times Lucio doubled back on himself about the personal. Is this just too much? could he see himself getting married when his last marriage was such a failure? Then He would hear it. Iolas' laugh and the sunlight hitting his lover's coffee skin and every reservation burned away and was replaced with a deep desire to make this person his and only his.

Lucio steels himself as he pockets the ring, almost dropping the bottle of champagne he forgets he was holding. As he pushes through the portal the blonde's heart skips a little at the sight of his lover resting on the side of the white gazebo, wearing a white robe that Lucio had gotten commissioned to match his iconic white suit. His lover seems to be lost in thought, their crimson eyes gazing over the tree line until Lucio steps closer and knocks on the wood with a playful tune. His wolfish smile triggering a similar one on his lover's face.

"Hi, my Darling--" Iolas starts before pulling Lucio over by his collar to meet his lips. With a giggle, Iolas watches Lucio hop over the median of the gazebo instead of using the very close opening that's just a little be over to the side of them. Lucio tries to steady his face. He doesn't want to come off too excited or nervous. He needs to play it cool so Iolas doesn't suspect anything, but it's too late Iolas gives him a curious look. "What are you planning? I know that look."

Lucio however holds his hands up after he places the bottle of champagne down on the railing in front of them. "Why do I always have to be up to something huh? Can't a man just meet his lover in a secret hole in the woods for some late-night drinking and maybe some late-night macking?" the blonde throws the magician a wink, which is met with a playful smack that Lucio is too found of.

"Did you bring glasses, Oh Count of Macking?" Iolas teases with a click of his tongue and to that Lucio's face freezes for a second because he did not think about the glass part of drinking, but his shock lasts for a split second before he nudges his lover with an elbow and a cheeky grin. "Can't you just magic something up for us--" Before Lucio can even finish Iolas throws his head back, his whole body shakes with a genuine laugh, one that Lucio only sees when Iolas reacts to his particular stupidity. "Absolutely not. I cannot manifest glassware, but fret not Lulu I prepared for this." The silver-haired man stands on the railing of the gazebo and reaches up behind one of the posts and brings down two champagne glasses. Lucio helps the shorter man down before taking both glasses and leaning down to give his lover a short kiss on the head.

Snickering to himself Lucio places the glasses down and pops open the champagne. "See? Who needs magic when you have a lover who has the spirit of a squirrel. Why are those even up there?" Iolas can't seem to hold back his laugher and starts into a long dialogue about how the last party they hosted he was tasked with disposing of all the drinks Lucio downed after getting into a drinking match with Julian and at some point, he got too fed up hauling all the empty glass wear to and fro so he eventually gave up and used the portal which was much closer than the garbage. Soon as he finishes that story Lucio makes note that not only does he not remember this drinking contest at all, but he also notices that the whole upper layer of the Gazebo is littered with small drinking glasses of all shapes and sizes.

This brings the two of them to a comfortable speed of talking, to which Lucio adds more flavor by introducing the drinks. The sun finally settles and the garden lights are now on and thanks to all the glass wear in the gazebo there are small reflected lights scattered within their own space. Slowly the stories of their day dwindle and eventually, they huddle close to each other so they can look under the top of their gazebo and point out stars. Lucio watches the small warm lights bounce off his lover's face and his heart races. He can't chicken out now.

"Iolas." Lucio stops the silver-haired man mid-sentence as the other was just going on about his zodiac sign and how it will be visible in the sky until he hears his name.

Iolas pauses fully, not use to hearing his full name exit his lover's lips unless it was during a more intimate and scandalous situation. So he hides his hesitation with a smile and he answers the blonde with the same tone he just used but extracted with a deeper tone to lighten the mood. "Lucio." The count starts to fidget but just laughs when Iolas mocks his serious tone. "No really, uh... Listen for a second." Iolas' face now turns from curious to worried. " Uh oh. that's a real serious tone. What did you do?" Lucio brushes him off, biting his lip and rubs the back of his neck. He feels so lame doing this, but that's the point.

Lucio stands up straight taking Iolas' hands, looking directly into those red eyes. Something in him wants to run away, but the ring sits heavy in his pocket and he opens his mouth only to close it so he can bring Iolas' cold fingers to his lips. Iolas' however is completely taken aback. His lover has been romantic before but he was much more used to their back a forths of one-upping each other and superficial hyping each other up coupled with nightly flings where he ended up in the blonde's bed. So this sudden tenderness was jarring.

The magician could feel that dark feeling creep to his shoulders that say he shouldn't get his hopes up, that he's happy filling the count's time till he finds a real suitor. Even if Lucio was a temporary General at the palace was still a completely different status then Iolas and Royals don't have court magician as suitors. So he was happy to bid his time with Lucio because even with the teasing and snarky remarks that sometimes hurt Iolas' loved the other man's company, but love doesn't change status. Love doesn't guarantee a happy ending. He knew this from experience and learned his lesson the hard way.

So It was the last thing Iolas' expected when the taller man pulls out the biggest ring the magician has ever seen and gets down on one knee. Iolas' first thought is that he wants to shake his head so he can wake up. Then when air fills his lungs he realizes he is awake and this is happening. More than happening he's been silent for too long but all he can hear is the stinging sound of his fears buzzing in his head. The buzz is deafening and He can see that Lucio is speaking but he can't hear him.

You will just disappoint him. Iolas' thoughts curse. Better yet he'll disappoint you somehow. A shaky breath leaves him and all he can do is blink and look at Lucio with watery eyes. "I-- I'm sorry please can you say that again." Iolas stops and closes his eyes just so he doesn't have to look at the ring that's almost blinding with its meaning.

Lucio's normal wolfish grin falters but only returns once he hears Iolas speak. "I said. We should get hitched, ya know?" Lucio sputters, shit. "Look. Like I was saying we're surrounded by losers, Pet. Who else am I gonna get to match me other than you huh? come on, look at me. Then look at you! we're perfect for each other.. ya know?" Lucio now looks nervous as he speaks. Unable to keep eye contact. ...and.. I love your laugh."

This seems to pull Iolas' from his fears a little even enough to get him to let out a weak laugh. "What? what does that have to do with anything?" Lucio pouts and glares at his lover just a tiny bit. "I love your laugh! and I don't want anyone else to have it. I deserve it, I get you to do it most and I think you owe me. So like.." Lucio ushers Iolas' to the ring, his legs are starting to buckle. "I wouldn't admit this to anyone else but my knees aren't what they use to be so can we--" Iolas stops him with a curt turn, his shoulders shaking.

The blonde stands suddenly, his whole body rigid. This was it. the rejection he warned himself about. He's ruined everything, his heart screams to go back. Iolas is probably laughing at the proposal and Lucio's tacky way of offering himself. It isn't until the sound of a stuffy nose echo through the silent night that Lucio realizes his lover is crying and instantly he steps forward a different kind of fear gripping his heart. " W-wait-- wait, why are you crying? You never cry--" He falters and fidgets his hands around his lover unsure if he wants to be held or not.

Iolas turns finally, his red puffy eyes are turned down in a grimace as they glisten in the dim light. "Yeah, you idiot I never cry and look at what you made me do." His tone is harsh but it's followed by a sad shake that ruins any intention of anger. "Lucio I... I don't know how to do this." Lucio's heart slows but he's thrown for a loop and Iolas can sense his confusion and clears his throat as he wipes his leaking eyes. "No one has ever, wanted me like this before. I don't know if I can-- How do you know you want this? What if I disappoint you? What if you get tired of me and regret ever meeting me? At least if we keep things like before you can just get rid of me if I'm too much and I won't have to--" Lucio stops Iolas this time as he brings his lover close by pulling on his crossed arms.

"You won't have to worry about falling in love?" The blonde answers with his own sense of sadness, his eyes looking down at their feet before meeting with Iolas' who only nods in response. Lucio is a bit thankful that his lover didn't outright say no and is at least contemplating the idea of things. "No I had the same thoughts and honestly I don't know how I'm sure. I just... am." Lucio's normal bravado comes back now that he feels more secure in the conversation. "I know that I love seeing you every day. I know that I love sleeping with you every night. I know that I don't want anyone else to hold you the way I hold you and I know that you feel the same way about me." At that the blonde swallows hoping he isn't wrong. "But mostly I know I don't ever want you to leave. If you were to leave, do you know how fucking boring this place would be? I would set the parlor on fire within minutes of you being gone." The cheeky grin is back and Iolas snorts at the idea and manages a smile as he is now fully embraced by his lover.

Lucio rests his head on the shorter man's head and hums, kissing the top of it. Slowly he pulls Iolas back so he can look down at him. "But it's not just about what I want... you kinda need to want those things too." Now it's Iolas turn to nervously look away and slowly as the shorter man's courage builds he tights his grip in Lucio's jacket and more tears fall down his face as the realization comes crashing onto him that he'd do absolutely anything to be with the man in front of him forever. Before He can answer he shoves his face into Lucio's jacket rubbing his head back and forth on the soft fabric. "You moron-- Of course I want all that."

The blonde can't resist the urge to tease the other man however and laughs to himself. "I'm sorry, could you say that again I couldn't hear you from inside my jacket." Iolas hits the taller man's chest with a laugh before he goes to wipe his damp eyes yet again. "You know for a fact that I said YES-- urgh, gods look at what you did to my make searing the hell am I going to fix this now--" Iolas' whining is stopped short by his lover picking him up in a searing kiss that continues as the blonde twirls them both. With a firm grip on Iolas' was it Lucio Looks up at the magician with a smile that could blind the gods. "I wanna hear you say it." Iolas rolls his eyes, a large pout crosses the silver-haired man's lips as he kicks his legs from his newfound lifted position.

"I have zero ideas what you're talking about--" Iolas protests but Lucio shakes his head. "Say it or you are never leaving this gazebo." Iolas is about to rebuttal but the look in Lucio's eyes is that yes he is serious. Iolas' expression softens, even if it's despite himself. "Of course I'll marry you, LuLu." Lucio bounces in his spot and spins the both of them once again but this time continues to spin around the whole gazebo till Iolas can't help but laugh and struggle against the crazy man holding him. "Stop-- Lulu Stop we're gonna--" but it's too late. Lucio's legs trip over themselves and with zero grace they both tumble onto the hardwood floor.

Iolas rolls onto his back and groans, dizzy and sore his eyes dart over to the man beside him who is just as dazed. slowly Iolas entwines their hands with a smile and Lucio is about to kiss his lover's fingers before he remembers the ring. The blonde springs forward, getting up like the fall meant absolutely nothing but Iolas takes his time sitting up as his lover fumbles to find the ring he dropped.

Soon as it's found Lucio slides over, the scraping sound of the fabric of the taller man's pants on the hardwood makes the magician giggle. Iolas has to give the other man sheer points for his enthusiasm. Pompously Iolas sticks his left hand out, to which Lucio plays along and kisses the other man's ring finger dramatically before slipping the large ring onto Iolas' hand.

Carefully Iolas' holds his hand out to the light and observes the sheer size of the ring and can't help but grin. Lucio practically radiates waves of anticipation on his lover's thoughts "Was this the biggest ring they had?" Iolas wiggles his fingers, acting as if he's unimpressed. Lucio simply feeds back into him. "How dare you." Lucio sneers, pulling Iolas into his lap as he sits, unable to be on his knees any longer. "I had this one custom ordered. Not only is it the biggest ring in stores, but it's also the biggest wedding ring, period." He speaks into the shorter man's neck before he kisses it, The count's tone never faltering while he speaks. This sends Iolas into a giggle fit. He knows for a fact that this ring physically cannot be the biggest but another part of him can see Lucio putting up a fight with store owners about the pitful size of their rings to the point where he just orders them to make him a whole new size.

"Of course, I knew my Lulu would only get me the best. He not capable of anything less." Lucio preens in the praise and Iolas strokes the back of his fingers against his lover's face. For a moment they stay like that, both of them processing what exactly just happened and what this means for their future. Iolas is the first to break the silence with a soft hum as he presses against Lucio's chest. "Thank you... Lucio." the taller man responds by nuzzling his nose into the shorter man's hair with a confused hmm. "I never thought I could do this... but for the first time, I'm not scared." Lucio smiles at that. and squeezes his lover in his arms.

"Good. We can both be fearless together."

💋 Who is the best kisser? (if you’d like write a short smooch scene!)

(I WILL TRY MY BEST TO KEEP THIS SHORT SINCE I JUST WROTE YOU A WHOLE FIC ON ACCIDENT ON MY LAST ONE)

The sound of wood creaking fills the otherwise quiet room as Lucio pushes his lover against the doors of his chambers. Lucio places on hand on the hip of the man under him and huffs a breath through his nose that leads to a soft moan as their lips bump against each other awkwardly for a second. Iolas snickers within the brief pause and pulls Lucio down by his collar. Now controlling their embrace the shorter man pushes the blonde backward and with a searing bite, he slams the count onto the disgustingly huge bed placed in the middle of his room. Breathless Lucio stares up at Iolas his bottom lip red and puffy from the bite, which only makes Lucio's slurry grin look even more dangerously attractive.

Iolas steps in between his lover's spread legs and uses one of his hands to tip the taller man's head back with a grunt. Lucio's hands wander over the man before him, knowing his place he doesn't try to switch their positions. He loves when Iolas gets pushy he knew if anyone could match him in greediness it would be his lover. Iolas however preoccupies himself with tracing his thumb over Lucio's red bottom lip till his nail presses a little too hard and draws just a few drops of blood to the surface of his lover's pale skin.

At the sight of this Iolas captures The count's lips once against and shamelessly sucks on the blood he just conjured. the kiss devolves as Iolas holds Lucio's head still with the grip on his hair and once the magician pulls back Lucio's face flushes at the sight of his blood dripping from his lover's lips. Lucio's voice comes out breathy and needy as he pulls against Iolas' grip on his hair. "Do that again."

#love asks #ask box #please read this i think its sO CUTE i would love feed back-- #I AM SO SORRY I WROTE A WHOLE ASS FIC FOR THIS HA #the arcana mc #oc apprentice #lucio x apprentice #lucio x mc #my writing

[yaypinecones]

Here are fan made fetch moduses. They’re not mine but it gave ideas what they would look like and write my own descriptions. Feel free to use them as you wish :)

Camera Modus: It can take pictures on one focused object to 35-50 cm away on the fetch modus card camera (top right). After taking a picture, it would create a clone of the object on your captchalogue inventory. It can be a great practice to take pictures, just don’t take pictures of yourself.

Settings:

Instagram mode- It doesn’t really do anything special except put any radon filter in your fetch modus over what it displays. It’s dumb, but hey it gives you a ton of likes. likes actually don’t exist in your modus or an app for it.

Snapchat mode- I’m not sure why you would need filters to captchlogue an item. If you use this one, I definitely recommend the dog or flower crown filter.

VSCO mode- It’s more about the aesthetics to be honest. Not for those who dresses up in long over sized shirts with a bunch of poofy hair ties and purposely drop their water bottles to make weird noises

Limit: can take 10 film inventories, more than that can eject the last inventory. The object you want to captchalogue has to be on the cameras focuse or else the picture would look blurry and would not clone the item.

Book Modus: A simple modus that comes with a actual book. When you captchlogue an item, it would gives you their description and their captch code. It would also receive a page inside the book as it could give more its abilities, uses, history, common location, and combinations with other items. Pretty useful and it’s possible to captchalogue the book itself. You don’t wanna carry it around all day.

Settings:

Academic mode- Yup all that math, science, language arts, health, and history you’ve read for school is coming back to you. What sucks is these books are the books you’ve read before when you were younger...so they’re probably out dated. Which sucks.

Encyclopedia mode- AKA Wikipedia, Dictionary, or Thesaurus if you want to call that. Basically find what word you want and look through the entire book to find what it means or what’s similar to it. I doubt you want find the amounted of pages it has because it never ends. Sometimes too much words can lead you the short end of the stick or just completely lost.

Journal mode- A thought of someone their own writing to collect their ideas and observations. You can make your own journal if you want. Like writing down what your doing or your grocery list. Actually just write what it feels like to you.

Magazine mode- Now we’re on the good stuff. Good stuff as in gossip and trends. What? At least there’s something to entertain yourself than looking through those stressful words every single to time. You just need to relax and read the latest celebrity gossip. OooOo.

Newspaper mode- Wait how can there be a newspaper in a book? Well at it lets you know what happening daily in other places or locally. Contains huge headlines, unnecessary words, really big photos, and a lot of advertisements.

Limit: There’s no storage limit on this fetch modus but it’s recommended to have 12 items. Unless if you want to have a bunch of words thrown into you to the point it becomes a encyclopedia. Also item eject? What’s that? Uh oh.

Money Modus: This lets you store any item but you have to access the item by inserting a specific amount of money. It is very different in every item. Isn’t it a mix of an ATMs and a shop? I don’t know, but at least they are in a reasonable price. This is not meant for cheap scapes. Sometimes the capchalogue item is has the similar price to real life price list. [Ex. A real life a fridge cost $1,000-2,000]

Settings:

Currency change mode- Your not sure why people need a specific currency. This setting is so stupid, it makes you wonder who needs this?

Bank mode- Yes you heard it right, you can store money in this fetch modus. It’s great for people that has no where else to store their money. This can be your own personal piggy bank.

Limit: This has unlimited storage. The bigger and expensive the item, the more expensive the price you need to access the item. The more you store items, you need to spend a lot of your money. No, you cannot argue the card to lower the price ya silly goose.

Mask Modus: A modus where you wear many persona’s. The mask are in variety in colors that represents a certain character. You can also type a certain personality on your own personas. To capchalogue an item, you have to match a certain persona that matches or similar to the item.

Limit: The maximum storage contains 16 items. Over 16 items would refuse the recent item unless you remove an item or combine one of them. If successful, the item would be capchalogue and freely gain access with wearing a mask. If your didn’t match a right mask or was unsuccessful, the modus card would eject the last item you capchalogued at you.

Binary Modus: You can summon any item by converting the letters into binary coding. This modus must be navigated manually and you can also search for item numbered too.

[Ex. 01001001 01000011 01010101 01010000] Wait a second...Eww man.

Limit: Unlimited storage unit and when summoning an item, it has to be a real thing. Sorry but no bear-cat-rabbit-elephant thing or completely made up words  would appear. Especially, you can’t summon huge items like a building or the sun. That can just break your modus. Please limit yourself there buddy.

Dominoes Modus: No, sadly you can’t order pizza. When you capchalogue an item, many dominoes from the card spill out and you have to assemble each and every domino to the other.

Limit: there are 6 inventories you can capchalogue. Nothing more, nothing less. More than 6 would eject the last item.

Dartboard Modus: You can freely capchalogue an item, but retrieving an item can summon a dartboard. You need to throw a dart at one of the rings or bullseyes. The less important items are on the large farther rings and the more important ones art in the smaller rings and bullseyes,

Limit: you can store 82 items. Now that’s a lot but you need to have good aim. Hitting the center of the bullseye can randomly give you an important item for the future.

Prey Modus: When an item is capchalogued, it would spawn a small animal. These animals would depend on what the item is. if the user wants to get the get the item back, they will have to fight and kill whatever creature the item has been allocated to. once the creature is dead, the item appears

[Ex. a computer mouse would spawn a weak mouse (ayy)]

Limit: You can only store 8 slots and over more than 8 can have an animal come out depending on the item. Hopefully you don’t eject any important items. Anything important would release an animal that is not a prey or maybe a replica of the first guardian.

Shuffle Modus: Every time you capchalogue an item, it changes every second with other items you also capchalogued. It can be lucky or unlucky depending how your going to draw this.

Limit: It can hold as much as any items. The more you add items, the more frustrating it gets to retrieve the item you want.

Backpack Modus: This modus can store items by the cards weight which is also a backpack. You can simply open the backpack to retrieve and item. You can capchalogued the backpack itself, but I don’t think your fetch modus can handle the weight you put into there.

Limit: Feel free to store the amount of junk you can carry as it can weigh you down. It acts like a normal backpack. What else should I say?

“Stack” Modus: Haha no, it’s a Massive Ejection Modus you fool. It may look like a normal stack modus but can intensity eject massive amounts of items at once that are multiplied by 100. Once you want to retrieve it, 99 copies eject violently from the captchacard and explode out of your card. Its mostly going to destroy mostly anything and injuring anyone near you.

Limit: Basically you only have one slot inventory and that’s sad. Is this modus even legal!?!? Ejecting 99 items at someone can be potentially be a strife specibus. Just saying.

Wardrobe Modus: This modus can capchalogued any articles of clothing. Attempting to captchalouge something other than clothing will result in said item being sent somewhere you can no longer receive. This is pretty useless like the other mentioned modus we talked about.

Settings:

Hat mode- A place where your hats can live in harmony with other simpleton hats.

Earrings mode- Fancy, expensive, or cheap earrings can come join.

Glasses mode- Look at you nerd. Or cool kid. Whatever you are.

Shirt mode- Look, there are many things you can put on there. The most likely to be over flowed.

Pants mode- Or skirts, shorts, or anything that goes on your legs

Socks mode- A hell place where all sinful gross smelly socks and clean socks go.

Shoes mode- Just don’t put those dirty shoes on the wood. Keep them clean and dry.

Limit: you have unlimited storage and only meant for clothes. This is perfect for people that don’t know where else to put their seasonal clothes to. Summer, fall, winter, spring, you name it.

#homestuck #hiveswap #fanadventure #fetch modus #capchalogue #fantroll #roleplay #theyre not mine #ideas

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

#hq #haikyuu #nekoma #yaku morisuke #lev haiba #yamamoto taketora #kuroo testuro #kenma kozume #inuoka sou

[tbh-entp]

Hi, Can you make a list of different Entps types that there are or at least that you’ve met? Thanks!

lOL yes. I’m just going to go through my people then. So here I present: The ENTPs I know as types of ENTPS as told by an ENTP: 

I’m putting it under the cut because it’s long 

Grandma

The ENTP who has been through literally everything--made a ton of mistakes but came out ultimately on top because she learns fabulously quick and is smarter than every single person

Long story short--this woman was given away from her fam in the 30s because she was too black (loorrrd help me), grew up unwanted, followed an older brother across the US to this place where she met her (meh) husband, had a ton of kids, got a degree in her 50s, got her 9 kids through pOVERTY, wellfare, racism, kicked that husband out, married again, managed to buy a house and get it done

She’s the type of person to look at someone and be like... give me a second. I’m about to charm them, I’ll be back ;) 

Kept her money in her bra

My pops

The ENTP who is cutthroat in business but a cinnamon role as soon as he’s out of the tie

like a mullet kinda

Son of Grandma ENTP

Has the slim cut pants and tailored shirts and fires many people (but genuinely hates it because they have a fam, yo). If it’s cut and dry, if the person can’t do the job, they shouldn’t be paid

Wears those bucket hats on vacation and does not give a fuck that he looks, sounds, and acts like an American tourist

Does not sleep

Thinks most people are idiots, but will not say this out loud

Should hire people to do the fixer-upper stuff around the house because will not be able to finish (or do it well tbh)

cLINGY to INTJ wife, god he’s so loyal and in love it’s gross

poor mom

Myself ;) 

The ENTP who has gotten too far in life for how lazy she is. she’s like an empty vessel that made it all the way across the ocean and then someone opens it and they’re like damn... maybe another bottle deserved this

Daughter of my pops and granddaughter of grandma (obviously)

Can lie right through her teeth if it’s for the greater good or if it harms no one 

comes back and bites her often

Thinks most people are idiots and will say this out loud

Somehow managed to make her insults sound nice and friendly--normally is nice and friendly though

boyfriend had to tell her to shush when she said “I like my officemate, but not very much” on a group bus ride-

Really good at art for some reason, has been in many art shows and has sold art and whenever someone comes up with an interpretation of her work she just agrees with it because she was just drawing a picture..

depressingly manipulative

Has no vision and no urge to stick to anything, but thankfully can see opportunity, so is casually living a great life although she’s not emotionally attached to it at all

how did she get here 

The hippest summer school gal who’s name I cannot remember for the life of me but let’s call her Gab

The ENTP who is the best person to be around because she is genuinely a mESS -- but probably not good to be around forever

Only person to put tacks on a teacher’s chair 

Farts in class and blames it on others

Smart talks teachers and they like her anyway

Will be the good friend to tell you that you have food in your teeth or that you look like a traffic cone in your running outfit

Cut class, when she got in trouble, she told the lady in charge that she hadn’t been in trouble in this way before and was nervous because she was just acting out so that her divorced parents would focus on her for once-- also complimented the woman’s skirt

bud got off the hook...

also her parents were married

Once stole sodas from another summer camp, came back to our course, when the teacher was like, where did you get those from.. you’re not supposed to have those, Gab was like, oh the kids gave them to us! I didn’t know they were not allowed, we can take them back, or give them to you. I’m so sorry, I should’ve known it wasn’t allowed. 

And the teacher fell for it

The type of ENTP who one shouldn’t hang around probably

But geesh she was fun

Norwegian study abroad friend, or NSAF

The developed and balanced ENTP male who is for sure mistaken for an INTP by a young, untrained American eye because he’s quieter and relatively mature enough to experience his emotions

The walking definition of loyal. He took his best friend everywhere on his bike handles 

Though emotional, he expressed them much like a calculator expresses numbers

he fell for another friend of mine and she was like... man he’s straightforward (she was a rollercoaster though, so compared to that)

Clever, quick, smart, sharp as a tack

He was a quiet version of me--which was fun at first, but then we realized that we bored each other when we were around each other for too long, so we had our own sets of friends, and met up for special occasions to annoy people with witty talk and jokes that only the rationals, INFJs, INFPs, and ENFPs caught 

Awkward hugger

Chilean Man

The immature and unbalanced ENTP male who is also 30

who I get along with very well anyway because we think alike but who I cannot support most of the time

Offensive jokes to those who can be affected

All races, nationalities, genders, heights, blahs are not safe if they so much as make an annoyed face to anything he says

I’d managed to be exempt from this for a while until he discovered that I’m annoyed by these non american people making fun of my accent and calling it Texan (it is not Texan). I know not to respond but he found my button

Sex jokes

Easily one of the smartest in the lab

knows this

he’s not wrong though 

Gets away with spending more money because the boss loves him with reason, he gets results

Where the ego in the lab is far too large, his insecurities bleed into his personality

He eats poorly, is very single and objectifies women when I’m not around 

I called him insecure the one time he did it while I was around, and that ended that

Respects people who he thinks are as smart as he is

Only talks about things he wants to talk about. Gets annoyed by conversations on the peripheral of his interests

Mr. Tesla the Technician

The gadget obsessed ENTP who is the literal jack of all trades

Probably had a Harley and a leather jacket as a youth tbh

Also looks far too young to have a daughter that is my age, like only to grey streaks

Can fix anything and is in charge of other technicians

enjoys saying, i’ll call up my guys 

Generally loves telling people what to do, but hates being in charge of too many people--which he has to do every year when he has to teach the labs

Enjoys some light insulting to those who he know can take it

You look tired today

You’re not fired yet?

I told Karen to take the trash out but you’re still here

Sunshine in the lab because he gets stuff done and he’s totally hilarious

#entp #mbti #answered #Anonymous

[insatiabletc]

This is Papi Edwards, a 20 year old person from Indianapolis, Indiana. Since their murder, it has been unclear whether Papi identified as a man or woman at the time of their death and there has been confusion on what their pronouns are. To cover all bases, Papi will be referred to in this piece with they/them pronouns. Additionally, you may be wondering why we chose this specific image of Papi to draw. While there is another image of Papi on the internet showing them with long hair and makeup it is a mugshot. Because the police in this case have been so dismissive of Papi and their gender, we wanted to select an image that Papi had control over. This is the only image we could find that Papi took themselves.  

It has been hard to find information about who Papi really was – their likes, dislikes, personality, dreams, and hopes. Outside of this one chaotic and tragic event, Papi seems currently unknown to the internet. We can say for certain, though, that Papi had friends, a family, and people who miss them. They were a human being.

Whether or not Papi identified as a man or a woman, their gender queerness did play a role in the events surrounding their murder. While the timeline of events is confusing, the transphobia of the Louisville Kentucky police force bleats out amid the noise. Even if Henry Gleaves didn’t expressly say “your gender identity is why I am going to kill you,” it likely did impact the police investigation. Please remember as you read the following details that Papi was a complex individual, just like you.

According to an article in Yes! Magazine, “The Human Rights Campaign has estimated that trans women are 4.3 times more likely to become homicide victims than all women, and the vast majority of the victims are Black”* Since 2016, the number of trans women of color who have been murdered has increased.

The Facts of the Case

On January 9th, 2015, Papi Edwards and several friends stopped in at a hotel in Louisville Kentucky, to earn some money before completing their journey back to Indianapolis, Indiana. Papi posted an ad on a website advertising sex services and Henry Gleaves responded, and the two arranged to meet up at the hotel. In the ad, Edwards suggested they were a woman.

Gleaves told his family that he was headed to the hotel to apply for a job. Once at the hotel, Gleaves and Edwards, accompanied by Edwards’ friends, went into a hotel room and Gleaves gave Edwards $50 for a blowjob. Shortly after, Edwards’ friends left the room. Once the blowjob commenced, Gleaves “found out” that Edwards was trans. Gleaves became upset and Edwards’ friends came back into the hotel room.

The defense says that Edwards and their friends attacked and mocked Gleaves, hit him with a sock full of heavy cans, and robbed him of his car keys and his cash.

The prosecution says there is no evidence of a robbery or assault.

Gleaves left the hotel room and went to his car to grab a gun. He then returned to the front desk to continue filling out his job application. It is unclear where Edwards or their friends were at this point. After a bit of time, Gleaves saw Edwards and friends go through the lobby and into the parking lot.

The defense says Gleaves wanted to take down their license plate number to give to authorities.

The prosecution and witnesses say that Gleaves was waiting in the lobby to ambush them.

Gleaves yelled at the group, and seeing Gleaves, Edwards tossed car keys (it is not specified if these are Gleaves’ keys) to a friend and turned back with a sock full of cans to face Gleaves and began to enter the lobby. Gleaves shot Edwards multiple times and fled the scene.

Four days after the shooting, Gleaves was found hiding in his girlfriend’s closet. After his initial arrest, Gleaves called his girlfriend and asked her to destroy evidence on his phone. How do the police know this? Because it was a call from jail the conversation was recorded.

In 2016, Gleaves was found guilty of manslaughter, as the jury felt his shooting of Edwards was done in some sort of self-defense.

Self Defense

We always feel a little icky questioning self-defense, as we are aware of how complicated self-defense can be. However, there are so many lingering questions about this case, and we wish we could have seen the trial transcript for ourselves. Unfortunately, documents are not available to the public as far as we can tell.

So, here are our big questions:

·       The defense painted Edwards’ sock of cans as a menacing tool for robbery. Another interpretation is that Edwards used this as self-defense when meeting with unknown clients. Based on how dangerous sex work can be, we find that to be plausible. Why is Gleaves’ gun only interpreted as a method of self-defense and not a menacing tool for murder?

·       If Gleaves followed the group out to the parking lot to “get their license plate number” to report them to authorities…why didn’t he call 911 immediately? Sources do not say how long he spent filling out that application and getting his gun from his car, but it seems like enough time would have passed for him to call the authorities. We understand that calling the police is not always a safe option for people of color, but he was planning on calling them anyway! Was he thinking that he would report the crime anonymously later? We think that actually could make sense, as maybe Gleaves was worried about being prosecuted for engaging in prostitution.

·       Why didn’t he report the robbery to the front desk? Were there people at the front desk? Did he have to request the job application from a human? Maybe he really did want a job at the hotel and thought the whole event would taint his chances at being hired. Though, Gleaves did tell authorities that he just filled out the application to keep up appearances for his family.

It appears that there are a couple of points in the timeline where Gleaves was ramping up the conflict. If he wanted to get the group’s license plate number to later report the robbery, why did he yell? He could have quietly watched what car they got into and jotted down the number. It seems like Gleaves was instigating a response from Edwards.

 The Investigation & Dwight Mitchell

Dwight Mitchell was (and is) the spokesperson for the Louisville Kentucky police force. Here are some quotes from Mitchell on Papi Edwards:

“As far as I am concerned, that was a man that was shot. It was always a man…It’s obviously a man, right? He doesn’t have a female name. I am not going to get into a debate about if he was transgender or not.”

Mitchell also referred to being trans as a “condition.” **

Why does Mitchell’s opinion on Edwards’ gender matter?

If you are someone who feels well represented and respected by your local authorities, imagine if that local authority’s spokesperson denied and mocked your existence. Imagine asking for help from an organization that says your identity is a “condition.” Imagine how alienating that would be. This is a message, intentional or not, to trans people that they are not seen. That their reality is denied and denigrated. This matters because Papi was a sex worker, and sex workers are already operating with the assumption that the police are not there to help them. When members of society feel that they cannot trust its institutions, they become more vulnerable to those that society does accept. Our words and how we use them matter, especially when speaking as the voice for many.

When Edwards’ murder was first being investigated, a witness told authorities point-blank that Edwards was murdered because they were trans. The witness said Edwards was shot directly after saying “I’m a tranny.”*** Despite this information, Louisville police not only refused to say it was a hate crime (we’ll explore that in a second) but also refused to say Edwards was trans and that gender was a factor in their murder. Even though they had a witness telling them that was the motive. In fact, video was leaked to the media of a witness explaining this clearly to an officer and the officer verbally affirming that he understood the witness to be saying that Edwards’ gender was key in the murder. This video was taken before Mitchell uttered the above quotes.

Why wouldn’t the police bureau admit gender was a factor in the crime? In a Buzzfeed article about the case, it was mentioned that Kentucky lacks a hate crime law that covers gender. Maybe officers were trying to paint a specific picture of the crime for better prosecution? What doesn’t make sense though, is that a hate crime does not need to occur for a murder to be prosecuted. So why shy away from and deny the gender aspect of the murder?

We are dismayed that Mitchell is still acting as a spokesperson for the Louisville police department and we were unable to ascertain whether his views of gender have changed. For the good of the Louisville community, we hope so.

*taken from this article: https://www.yesmagazine.org/social-justice/2019/11/12/black-trans-women-pay/

**Quotes taken from this article:  https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/dominicholden/evidence-contradicts-police-account-of-possible-anti-transge#.wcNq26PaR 

***Why didn’t we include this information in the timeline? Well, this witness later changed their story about the events once the case got to trial. It is included here, however, as the authorities did not know the timeline at the start of the investigation.

 Want to Learn More about Missing and Murdered Trans Women of Color? Here are some great sources that we have come across:

·        The Trans Obituaries Project: Honoring the Trans Women of Color Lost in 2019 (USA - obituaries written by Raquel Willis, illustrations done by Jacob Stead): https://www.out.com/print/2019/11/20/trans-obituaries-project-honoring-trans-women-color-lost-2019#media-gallery-media-1

·        The Human Rights Campaign: https://www.hrc.org/blog/topic/transgender

#louisville #kentucky #translivesmatter #transpoc #illustration #portrait #art #true crime #truecrime

[digital-arts-etc]

Clean House to Survive?

Museums Confront Their Crowded Basements

With storage spaces filled with works that may never be shown, some museums are rethinking the way they collect art, and at least one is ranking what it owns.

By ROBIN POGREBIN - MARCH 10, 2019

Paintings line the basement storage space at The Indianapolis Museum of Art, which has graded its entire collection to help determine what art it may want to sell or transfer to another institution. Indianapolis Museum of Art at Newfields; Lyndon French for The New York Times

Fueled by philanthropic zeal, lucrative tax deductions and the prestige of seeing their works in esteemed settings, wealthy art owners have for decades given museums everything from their Rembrandts to their bedroom slippers.

It all had to go somewhere. So now, many American museums are bulging with stuff — so much stuff that some house thousands of objects that have never been displayed but are preserved, at considerable cost, in climate-controlled storage spaces.

At the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston: ashtrays, cocktail napkins, wine glasses. At the Indianapolis

Art Museum: doilies, neckties and women’s underwear.

In storage at the Brooklyn Museum: a roomful of home décor textiles, a full-size Rockefeller Center elevator and a trove of fake old master paintings the museum is barred from unloading.

Some collections have grown tenfold in the past 50 years. Most museums display only a fraction of the works they own, in large part because so many are prints and drawings that can only sparingly be shown because of light sensitivity.

“There is this inevitable march where you have to build more storage, more storage, more storage,” said Charles L. Venable, the director of the Indianapolis Museum of Art at Newfields. “I don’t think it’s sustainable.”

His museum was so jammed with undisplayed artwork that it was about to spend about $14 million to double its storage space until he abruptly canceled the plan.

Instead, it embarked on an ambitious effort to rank each of the 54,000 items in its collection with letter grades. Twenty percent of the items received a D, making them ripe to be sold or given to another institution.

Not long ago, such ratings would have struck many in the museum world as crass. But Mr. Venable is now at the vanguard of a growing number of museum directors who are taking a hard look at how much they have and how they collect art because they fear a history of voracious stockpiling and the pressure to acquire still more is creating a crisis for American museums.

“It doesn’t benefit anyone when there are thousands, if not millions, of works of art that are languishing in storage,” said Glenn D. Lowry, the director of the Museum of Modern Art. “There is a huge capital cost that has a drag on operations. But more importantly, we would be far better off allowing others to have those works of art who might enjoy them.”

MoMA regularly culls its collection and in 2017 sold off a major Léger to the Houston art museum. Yet, it too is in the midst of yet another costly renovation (price tag $400 million) to be able to exhibit more of its ever growing collection.

Part of the problem is that acquiring new things is far easier, and more glamorous, than getting rid of old ones. Deaccessioning, the formal term for disposing of an art object, is a careful, cumbersome process, requiring several levels of curatorial, administrative and board approval. Museum directors who try to clean out their basements often confront restrictive donor agreements and industry guidelines that treat collections as public trusts.

Collections have ballooned in the past 50 years.

Some major American museums have seen the size of their collections soar. Even the oldest institutions often saw their holdings double or triple in number

Percent change in collection size, 1970 to present

Brooklyn Museum...3%

MFA Boston...................75%

Philadelphia Museum of Art......114%

Denver Art Museum........................251%

Indianapolis Museum of Art..................265%

Metropolitan Museum of Art................... 329%

Whitney Museum................................................692%

Dallas Museum of Art...............................................818%

SF MoMA......................................................................1014%

MFA Houstob..............................................................................1438%

            100%       300          500      700       900        1,100       1,300  

Major museums are only able to display a small portion of their collection.

Number of objects on display at a given time:

300,000 objects

.........................Dallas Museum of Art

..................................Whitney Museum

600,000................................... SF MoMA

......................................................Indianapolis Museum of Art

..............................................................MFA Houston

900,000...........................................................Denver Art Museum

...................................................................................Brooklyn Museum

..........................................................................Philadelphia Museum of Art

1,200,000.................................................................................MFA Boston

1,500,000..........................................................Metropolitan Museum of Art

The percentage on display is affected by space constraints, but also by how much of a collection is devoted to works on paper, which cannot be shown for long due to light sensitivity. The Met collection is particularly weighted toward works on paper, but its percentage on display, about 4 percent, is in rough parity with other museums on the list.

And many still hold the view that a wholesale parting with objects can be risky. Overlooked art comes back in style. Forgotten treasures turn up. Many pieces, they argue, should be retained for scholars, regardless of how often they go on public view. And much art still needs to be acquired as museums respond to the soaring popularity of contemporary art and aim to integrate more work by women and artists of color.

“People can’t understand why museums have more than they can show at any given time,” said the critic and curator Robert Storr. “But preserving the best of the past — no matter how unpopular it may temporarily become — is the purpose of museums. They should protect their holdings; they shouldn’t jettison them for short-term gains or savings.”

But holding on to it all has consequences, most notably the pressure to build new exhibition wings. Some wealthy collectors take matters into their own hands, creating private museums to retain control of what goes on view.

Eli Broad, the philanthropist, said one reason he created his own Los Angeles museum, the Broad, was to ensure a proper display of his impressive collection of modern and contemporary art.

“I don’t see how giving art to museums that are not prepared to show a fair amount of it makes any sense,” Mr. Broad said. “Of the 2,000 works in our collection, I got the sense they would show 1 or 2 percent of the work and the rest would go in storage.”

Generous to a Fault?

The current museum storage predicament has its roots in gifts like Adelaide Milton de Groot’s to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Upon her death at 91 in 1967, she did not give just a few paintings from her collection. She gave all of them — more than 200.

Thomas Hoving, then director of the Met, recalled in his 1993 book, “Making the Mummies Dance: Inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art,” that he was “shocked” to learn from his No. 2, Theodore Rousseau, that “only half a dozen paintings” were first-rate.

“Many of the other pictures were not even worth showing,” he wrote. Upset, Mr. Hoving said he demanded an answer from Rousseau, “What were we going to do with them?”

“Put them in storage or sell them was his answer,” he added.

Adelaide Milton de Groot, who died in 1967, arranged in her will to leave more than 200 paintings to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Sidney J Waintrob; Budd Studio

Museums have always had to be diplomatic with important collectors. With acquisition budgets so limited, they have long depended on donors’ largess.

“Museums were accepting with less criticality when collections were smaller,” said James Rondeau, director of the Art Institute of Chicago. “We took 12 when we might not have even taken one.”

Some donors were able to dictate terms.

In 1985, when the philanthropist Wendy Reves donated more than 1,400 works from the collection of her late husband Emery Reves to the Dallas Museum of Art, she required that it re-create five rooms from their villa in the South of France — including furnishings from the décor of the home’s original owner Coco Chanel. Among the accouterments in the display: Mrs. Reves’ slippers beside the bed.

Four years ago, Stefan Edlis and Gael Neeson gave the Art Institute 42 contemporary works worth an estimated $400 million. It was the largest gift of art in the museum’s history and came with a stipulation: All the works have to be on display for the next 50 years.

“I got the deal of a lifetime,” Mr. Edlis said in an interview.

In the case of Ms. de Groot’s large gift to the Met, the museum sold some 50 pieces, and ended up with much public criticism and an inquiry by the Attorney General’s office as to whether the Met had trampled on the intent of Ms. de Groot’s will.

Two years later, Mr. Hoving agreed to accept the collection of the investment banker Robert Lehman — at 2,600 works, then the largest art donation in the Met’s history. Though some art critics questioned its quality, the Met built a wing to display the collection, with rooms that re-created the Lehman family residence.

Under the Lehman Foundation’s agreement with the Met, the collection will remain in the museum forever.

Today the Met’s collection tops 1.5 million items,  many of them stored in 105,000 square feet of on-site storage, the equivalent of almost two football fields, and four off-site locations in New York and New Jersey.

Max Hollein, director of the Met, said the collection’s size reflects that the museum’s mission extends beyond display. “We also preserve the cultural heritage of humankind,” he said, but added that going forward, “Our focus at the Met is not going to be on what we still need but on what we have and how we display it.”

As Mr. Hoving found out, deaccessioning can sometimes be a dirty word. A routine practice, it is nonetheless often fraught with controversy. Won’t donors be insulted when museums re-gift or sell their donated work? Aren’t such gifts, underwritten by taxpayers, part of the public trust?

The Berkshire Museum Museum drew protests when it announced a plan to sell art from its collection in 2017. Gillian Jones/The Berkshire Eagle, via Associated Press

Moreover, the Association of Museum Directors has strict guidelines dictating that proceeds from such sales can only be used to acquire more work, not to cover operating costs like staff salaries. Institutions that have violated these rules in the name of financial survival — including New York’s National Academy of Design, the Delaware Art Museum and the Berkshire Museum— have been labeled pariahs, in some cases penalized by the refusal of other institutions to lend works.

“If an institution is faced with an existential threat, isn’t it better for the institution to survive with some works of art than no works of art?” countered Gary Tinterow, director of the Museum of Fine Arts, Houston, defending the Shelburne Museum in Vermont’s decision to sell $25 million worth of art in 1996. Mr. Tinterow said his museum has gradually been getting rid of the excess in its two house collections of decorative arts — including those ashtrays and stemware.

Anne Pasternak, the director of the Brooklyn Museum, said there is increasing discussion these days about revisiting the strictures of deaccessioning policies. But she acknowledged “there is a lot of fear around this conversation.”

From Dusty Attic to Modern Museum

From the Brooklyn Museum’s first days, storage was an issue. When its Beaux-Arts building on Eastern Parkway was built in 1893, the museum was focused on amassing enough art to put on view, not where to keep it.

“They took just about anything that was offered and thought maybe someday it will be useful,” said Kevin Stayton, the museum’s chief curator emeritus.

In those early years, random spaces were recruited to house things. “You had storerooms and you threw work in it,” Ms. Pasternak said.

Some donors literally dropped their collections at the door. One art dealer, Ivan C. Karp, persuaded the museum, starting in the 1950s, to take some 400 fragments of ornate terra cotta and stone mythological creatures that he and friends had salvaged from demolition sites. They were stored in the museum’s backyard. Some were used for a sculpture garden. Others ended up in a parking lot.

Objects stored in remote areas came to be forgotten. Such was the case about 20 years ago, when curators found an old slab of marble leaning against a back storage wall. It was a delicately carved 1860s relief by an important self-taught sculptor, Margaret Foley.                     

Arnold Lehman, who led the museum from 1997 to 2015, recalled confronting the great morass, including more than 23,000 items of American and European clothing and accessories, an impressive but fragile collection that was costly to maintain.

One advancement in storage has been to make it visible to the public as done here in the Brooklyn Museum's Luce Center for American Art. Andrea Mohin/The New York Times

“I kept saying that we weren’t equipped to deal with this properly,” Mr. Lehman said.

He set out to consolidate and now the museum is that rare art institution that holds fewer items today than it did 10 years ago.

Not that it was easy.

Some complained when Mr. Lehman transferred some 1,500 terra-cotta pieces to a foundation in St. Louis. There was grumbling when he sent the museum’s huge trove of costumes to the Met in 2008 under a deal that gave Brooklyn continuing access, and its name on the collection.

Mr. Lehman was never able to unload some of the 926 items that were bequested by Col. Michael Friedsam, once president of the department store B. Altman, who died in 1932.

A quarter of the gifts, including old master paintings, turned out to be fake, misattributed or of poor quality. The museum still stores and cares for them because the courts have ruled that, under the colonel’s will, deaccessioning requires permission from his executors. The last of them died in 1962.

The Brooklyn Museum storage facilities are updated today. Paintings hang on special racks; objects returning from loan are temporarily isolated, lest they be carrying pests; and an open storage area allows visitors to see items that would otherwise be out of view.

But Ms. Pasternak, who took over as director in 2016, is continuing to look at “next steps” regarding storage. One focus: a room that holds thousands of textiles, European tapestries and lace, and some furniture.

She would like to turn it into a gallery for African art. The cost-benefit analysis, she said, seems straightforward: “A permanent home for an African art gallery versus storing something that we’ve never shown.”

  The Indianapolis Museum of Art at Newfields has deaccessioned more than 4,600 works since beginning a major study of its collection in 2011. Lyndon French for The New York Times

On the Front Lines: Indianapolis                                              

If you want to start an argument, there are few better ways than assigning something a grade.

So Mr. Venable created quite a stir by deciding to rank the entire collection of his Indianapolis museum.

Founded in 1883, the museum shows 8 to 10 percent of its collection at any one time. The ranking began in 2011 when a Mellon Foundation grant paid for outside experts to spend six years reviewing the collection.

His own staff then built on that work. By the end every item had a grade: “A being a masterpiece,” Mr. Venable said, “and D being maybe onetime in the distant past this was a valuable object for us but we probably shouldn’t hang on to that.”

The assessment measured a work’s aesthetic qualities, its physical condition and whether the museum perhaps had better examples of the genre. Mr. Venable decided not to keep art purely for study, asking. “How many scholars actually look at those things on an annual basis?”

Now comes the tough part — getting rid of the works through sale or transfer to another institution. What may be a D painting to a large, encyclopedic museum, which has several by that artist, may be an A to a smaller institution, which has none.

Charles L. Venable, director of the Indianapolis Museum of Art at Newfields. Lyndon French for The New York Times

The storage spaces at Indianapolis. The conservation of art requires an understanding of aesthetics, logistics, the science of materials and how they react over time and to other substances. Lyndon French for The New York Times

Since 2011, the Indianapolis museum has deaccessioned 4,615 objects, with the vast majority of those having been sold. Some 124 works have been transferred to other institutions, including art glass from the Marilyn and Eugene Glick Collection.

The museum decided that only some of the collection’s 250 pieces were worth keeping, so Mr. Venable approached the Glicks' grandson-in-law, David Barrett — a museum trustee — about transferring some to another institution.

The Marilyn K. Glick Center for Glass at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., soon received 60 pieces from Indianapolis.

That kind of flexibility is essential to museum survival going forward, Mr. Venable said.

”What is the balance between almost obsessively art collecting and spending vast amounts of resources on it?” he said. “Are we really just addicts collecting objects that our curators bring in generation after generation?”

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/03/10/arts/museum-art-quiz.html

=============================

Collections have ballooned in the past 50 years.

Some major American museums have seen the size of their collections soar. Even the oldest institutions often saw their holdings double or triple in number

Percent change in collection size, 1970 to present

Brooklyn Museum...3%

MFA Boston...................75%

Philadelphia Museum of Art......114%

Denver Art Museum........................251%

Indianapolis Museum of Art..................265%

Metropolitan Museum of Art................... 329%

Whitney Museum................................................692%

Dallas Museum of Art...............................................818%

SF MoMA......................................................................1014%

MFA Houstob..............................................................................1438%

            100%       300          500      700       900        1,100       1,300  

Major museums are only able to display a small portion of their collection.

Number of objects on display at a given time

300,000 objects

.........................Dallas Museum of Art

..................................Whitney Museum

600,000................................... SF MoMA

......................................................Indianapolis Museum of Art

..............................................................MFA Houston

900,000...........................................................Denver Art Museum

...................................................................................Brooklyn Museum

...............................................................Philadelphia Museum of Art

1,200,000..................................................................MFA Boston

1,500,000..........................................................Metropolitan Museum of Art

The percentage on display is affected by space constraints, but also by how much of a collection is devoted to works on paper, which cannot be shown for long due to light sensitivity. The Met collection is particularly weighted toward works on paper, but its percentage on display, about 4 percent, is in rough parity with other museums on the list.

The Indianapolis Museum of Art has ranked its collection with letter grades to determine which works may be a drain on resources. Which one do you think got an A?

Grade: C  Cour d'une Ferme    Maurice de Vlaminck    c. 1926                

Grade: A   Jimson Weed   Georgia O’Keeffe   1936                

Grade: B   The Flight into Egypt    Marc Chagall    1943-44                

Grade: D  Seascape   A follower of Willem van de Velde II 17th century

  Right!               ��   

The Chagall won praise for its “whimsy and pathos,” but curators celebrated “Jimson Weed,” calling it O’Keefe’s “largest and most ambitious floral work.” They noted, “The use of three blooms separates it in quality and importance among its peers of similar composition and subject.”   “Seascape” earned its low grade in part because of a large hole in the canvas but also because it’s not by Velde, but a “follower of” Velde. In sum, a curator wrote: “Extremely poor condition. Poor quality painting.”        

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/03/10/arts/museum-art-quiz.html

[myfriendpokey]

50 Short Years!

This January makes a full 5 years since releasing 50 Short Games!

I admit, it is weird to think about.

In general I don’t have very strong feelings about anything I’ve worked on, since anything like that has usually burnt itself out somewhere in the process of making the thing.

But it feels a little startling that this particular game came out 5 years ago, because in many ways I feel like I’m still working somewhere in it’s orbit – it still feels “close” to me in terms of, I guess, setting up the way I’ve been thinking about and working on these things ever since then. I still feel like I’m working out some of the stuff that came up in its production.. compare to older games which can feel like they were made by different, mercifully forgotten, people.

The game is temporarily discounted on itch down to just $1, until valentine’s day - good for friends, good for lovers.

When this first came out, I included a big note file of the processes and ideas and etc that went into it. I have posted that to my website for free to mark this little anniversary. But since a decent bit of time has passed since those impressions, and since I don’t feel like refreshing them, I thought it might be interesting to try writing up a sort of “afterlife” of this game, specifically the ways it sort of covertly turned out to influence what I did for the 5 years after it, as well.

Here are my notes seperated by theme.

- colour - mice - pacing - work / life - gameplay - theme - writing - distribution

- COLOUR: this is a strange one. 50SG felt like the first time I was really aware of / interested in trying to add “colour” as an element I could play with within my games, trying to add it to the lego set along with “rocks” and “little guys”. More colours, interesting colours, colour combinations, games which would be colourful as images. Because I’ve never actually been a very visual person (surprise surprise ha ha ha) and even when I draw, or sculpt, I tend to focus on lines and omit colour as much as possible... When I was a kid I disliked any kind of colouring or painting, as opposed to scribbling, but just before 50SG I’d been working on an uncompleted game with painted textures, and enjoyed it enough to want to explore the effects more.

The reason I call this a strange one is that, mostly - - I failed!!! I feel very aware now of how much of this game is just scratchy line drawings, how little colours are actually used once I'd worked out which ones I preferred working with from the set. I did try to change things up over the course of the series and some games (specifically the Mogey ones) tried to use flat colour or colour patterns more. But when I think about the game now the memories I mostly have are of essentially monochrome or mostly-monochrome drawings.

In fairness, some of this was technical too - I never had any kind of consistent way to light my pictures for when I was photographing them, and a lot of the time the bright markers came out muddy, which sort of discouraged me from trying to do anything specifically with colour effects. Strong lines are also a lot easier to chop up into discrete little game-shapes.

But I think this sense of missed opportunity - having this big bag of markers in all colours, all translucent lines, and not really using them - was specifically what made me spend the next few years trying to work with colour even more. Hence stuff like Mouse Corp, and certain entries in the Hardpack 11-in-1, and Magic Wand. I think I moved more towards pixel art again because it gave me a very quick way to play with colours, and swap them in and out, without having to worry about correctly photographing them first. And in fact my current game came about directly from trying to play more with ideas of translucent outline sprites on top of flat fields of colour – trying to combine colour with line in a looser way than just colouring stuff in.

I'd like to go back to playing with markers some time.

- MICE: I think this was the first time I used mice in my games. Previously the emblematic animal was the Dog – Murder Dog, Goblet Grotto dog... The dog is a "LAWFUL" animal, one which can be aimlessly malevolent on behalf of some higher system or master. The dog stands in for the implicit malignity of the game system as a whole. 

Meanwhile, mouse is the "UNLAWFUL" animal - they live in spaces they do not construct, and scavenge from what they find within, they are constrained by those spaces but also have something of an independent life within them. By this time, I had been working on a lot of games where the gameworld itself was sort of an ominous presence - Crime Zone, Goblet Grotto, Drill Killer etc - and I think the move from "dog" to "mouse" came about as a way to think about these spaces as just kind of indeterminate and abandoned instead of actively malign. Places which don't really notice your being there, which were constructed and then left for some unknowable purpose. I cannot say if this shift in thinking is good or bad.

- PACING: I forget whether I mention it in the notes - but the prototype for all the marker games was an earlier one-off called "Gold's Enigma", done with crayons and in Klik N Play. And that game felt like sort of a revelation because it was so quick to just add new areas to it, or copy and paste elements around, or switch from one game control system or mode of representation to another.  So you could have an extremely short, quick game that still contained enough of a shift to make you feel like you’d gone somewhere or like the view from one side of the game was different to the view from the other. I don’t know how consistently or successfully this was ever really done (the end of Happy Bird is my personal favourite version) but it did stick in my head, as an ideal to work towards. And I think something like the more longform Magic Wand was still sort of driven by a desire to try a “fuller” take on this same idea.

- WORK / LIFE: I don't remember exactly but I think this was my first time successfully trying to start a new, slightly longform project while also having a day job. With other games either they were short enough for me to just blow through in a concentrated rush or else enough pieces had already been laid down (eg  Goblet Grotto) that I could just brainlessly slam together any remaining levels in the  mornings before I went to work. Making games as a hobby isn't necessarily hard but figuring out how to do it consistently over long periods took me a long adjustment period. For the short games I ended up doodling ideas at lunch, coming home, eating dinner, and then around 7 or 8 I'd start chopping up my image sheets and putting them into the game. And hope to finish by 11 so I wouldn't be too wiped the next day. These days it's more like 8-10pm. Working in the early mornings can be good if you're very determinedly getting through some pre-assigned tasks but can be harder and more frustrating if you're trying to be more exploratory about things. I guess to the extent I’d draw any lesson from this it’d be, set aside a very specific time period for working on stuff but also try to have a process where “working on stuff” can involve a certain level of constructive busywork just so you don’t come home and have to immediately face a blank page? “Placing stuff around on a screen” is ultimately what absorbs me so working in a way that let me do that as quickly and aimlessly as possible helped a lot. Well, that’s my opinion.

- GAMEPLAY: I used the default 8-directional walk system in MMF2, and the default screen-follows-the-player function, so many times in the course of these games that I just burnt myself out on them entirely. They’re fine, but using them so many times over a brief period made me more and more conscious of them to the point where it could feel like I was just filling in the same template each time... I think part of why I shifted to Unity, even though it’s more of a hassle, is just to be able to escape that sense of a singular unchangeable “point of view”  and make things where moving or looking around would feel a bit looser and less set in stone. I hope this helps explain my gradual, doomed love affair with extremely idiosyncratic camera systems.

- THEME: Did any themes carry over to any of my post-50SG games? Maybe some but to me it’s less noticeable than seeing what was stripped out. Having a deadline and a very fixed scope did sort of push me more towards including “real world content” in whatever strange way – dreams, specific moments of the early morning or the night, events like work nights out, locations I knew... Compare that to the longer games I’ve done which all kind of take place in these dreamy, private fantasy dimensions. I enjoy that too, and it’s easier to do that when you’re making a game that’s just sort of endlessly adding to itself over time.. It’d be good to get back to working in a way which encouraged that material connection.

- WRITING: I think the notes file that came with 50SG was the first time I did any real writing about the process of making these things, or ideas and notes, etc. And now I can’t shut up!! Well, I did a similar writeup document for Magic Wand, and hope to do so with my current game eventually as well. I think writing that, and having people be encouraging about it, did help me become more interested in looking at and recording the state of my brain as it’s slowly rotted into goop from exposure to these terrible machines. Which is in itself not a bad reason to keep doing it. 

- DISTRIBUTION: This was my first commercial game and probably the biggest impact of that was in getting me to move away from PC-only tools. I'd planned a mac version of this game at some point, or specifically to do HTML versions and then use a workaround I'd read about to convert HTML files to Mac and Linux apps... but the HTML conversion sometimes led to strange bugs, and I never had a testing computer to see whether the actual ports would work, and the multiple layers of things that could go wrong (making a html export, to be put into a mac or linux wrapper, to be loaded from a Unity scene...) eventually made me slowly give up on this. I think of getting back to it but to be honest I have such limited energy and for the five months a year I don't just want to hibernate I'd rather keep working on new projects.... I am sorry.... Well, this was a big impetus to try moving to pure Unity and HTML which had more multiplatform support from the get-go. I don't know if I took any other commercial lessons from it! It sold around 500 copies, and talking to other people making weird scrappy narrative type games it sounded like they mostly also sold 500 copies, maybe to the same people or maybe just to each other. At this level of economic activity you can just do what you like.

So in conclusion 50 Short Games is a land of contrasts. It feels distant to me, I don't have any strong feelings about it anymore, but I also feel sort of like I'm still moving around in the terrain this game originally sketched out for me, and still kind of responding to it in either positive or negative forms. Thank you to anyone who bought it. I just put it on sale again to mark the five year anniversary, you can find it on itch.io, gamejolt or kartridge. Please buy several hundred copies and salt them around through hidden disc drives buried in a desert somewhere so that some day they can inspire some form of apocalypse cult.

In the year 2525 if man is still alive if woman, still survives they will find.....

- stephen 2019

#vgames #50 short games #indie games #gamechat #game criticism #notes

[artificialqueens]

Paris (Trixya) - Lyonne-dlm & Saiphl

Well, we know November is far gone now, and that all of us are really getting into the Christmas mood, but we don’t really care that the Trixyawrimo is over now, we took one of their prompts, put into our beloved Soulmate AU, and added a pinch of Christmas Vibe, poured some ice and shook it.

Here is the result, and we hope you like it as much as we enjoyed writing it.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

PARIS (Trixya) - Lyonne-dlm & Saiphl

Almost five years have passed since Katya and Trixie finally found each other on that art gallery, five years fully charged with the best memories and moments built by the two of them. From the perfectly awkward shared milkshake in the closest diner to the gallery where they met, to Trixie’s first concert. From moving in together and Katya’s weird style of decor, to their meticulously planned wedding, with the perfect flowers and the princess dress that Trixie had always dreamt about.

Katya still thought Trixie was her personal miracle, the only reason to keep her going; the only woman that could make her want to wait for her down the aisle all dressed in white and still cry each time she watched the video of the magical moment when they swore to love each other forever.

Trixie was holding an iron grip on Katya’s hands, looking intensely to her ice blue eyes, when they finally were allowed to say their vows. Katya cleared her throat and started talking. “Trixie, I’ve been drawing you since i was 16. I grew up watching you smile in my dreams. My heart broke when I saw you cry and I fell in love with you.” She sighed deeply, trying to keep her voice steady.  “All those years before meeting you and when I was 27, I finally got to meet you for the first time in the gallery, got to Kiss you for the first time, got to hear your voice, know your name and to touch you.”, a soft smile spreaded on Trixie’s lips by the memory of that first moment, when she heard the raspy voice live. “I needed to, I had to make sure you were actually there.” Katya lifted a hand to touch Trixie’s face, still in disbelief of her being real. “I know that after you find your soulmate you are supposed to stop dreaming about them, but really how could i stop dreaming about you? my dreams are still about you Trixie ,Now i am 29 and i can barely wait one more second to be your wife.” Katya said, finally falling to her own emotion, and smiling fondly to her soulmate.

Shea reached to give Trixie a tissue to clear the tears off her face, still avoiding to ruin her perfectly beated face. Trixie looked at Katya, holding her hands again before saying her own vows. “It took eleven years and like a zillion of messages from Shea to find you, Katya and I have to admit that I was giving up on finding you… “ She said, giving a side look to Pearl, who was holding hands with an impressive brunette girl, who was leaning her head over Pearl’s shoulder. “That’s something I’m not proud of, thankfully, my friends kept the hoping up for me… Thank you Pearlie, Shea… this couldn’t be happening without you.” Trixie said, not looking to her friends, but knowing that was how she felt. “Every night, when I heard your voice saying I love you and good night baby, was the reason to keep moving every single day. I love you Katya… so much, and I can’t wait to be yours, forever.”

Katya’s tears were drawing soft lines on her face, Raja helping her to fix it without releasing their hands holding. They shared an intense gaze, and then kissed when they were allowed to, sealing their everlasting love promise.

Life had been awesome since then, and they were grateful of all the things they got to do and achieve together. What led them to that precise moment, when life changed forever for the both of them. They were taking a long vacation in France, taking their time to discover the country side of the most romantic places of the world.  

Katya was drawing Trixie sitting on a fountain, so concentrated that she was totally foreign to the children playing nearby. “Katya… I need one of those”. Katya kept drawing, not even looking at her, only to pay attention when she felt a soccer ball hitting her leg and Trixie’s. A little freckled boy ran to them, the only brave enough to reach a couple of strangers and talk to them, asking for his ball. Trixie took the toy and gave it back to him, to hear him say “Merci Barbie,” making her laugh lightly.

Katya lifts her face from the sketchbook she was working with “a sketchbook? baby, we have thousands of those at home, but if you need it right now I can give you mine.”

“I need one of those Katya…” Trixie repeated, turning to look her in the eye, barely directing her arm to the group of playing children.

“Oh… oh, a child” Katya says, amused by her wife’s admission, “like, really need it or it’s just hypothetical, like the kid we raised a couple of years back, in our little place in Chicago?” Outraged, Trixie looked at Katya, hitting her arm lightly. she knew fully well they’d only imagined having kids.

“I’m just making sure we are on the same page baby” Katya takes her hand and drags her back to the bench they were sharing. “You know I want to raise a family with you, but you need to be conscious of how it will change our lives.”  Katya looks at her, deadly serious, and saying matter of factly “we won’t be able to travel so often, and also, we’ll have to be… a little bit more discreet with… you know”

Trixie nodded to each point, already picturing herself holding their little bundle. “And will require a lot of time from the both of us, from the search of the donor, going through keeping them alive, to them leaving to college,” She said. Her mind was full of the images of their child riding a bike, going to the first day of school, doing their driving test.

Katya knew the precise moment when Trixie’s mind started going wild on the idea of the baby, and she snapped her back touching her cheek. “Don’t forget the sleepless nights when they get sick,” Katya said, in a kinda dark tone, remembering her own nights of fever along her childhood. “The science projects, the nightmare nights, them knowing their soulmate and when they get a heartbreak.” She continued, still putting over the table their own experience on finding each other. “We are going to have to be in everything and put them first in our decisions. Taking all that into consideration. Do you still want to do it Trix?“

“Yes Katya, I want to hear little steps running in our house, and wake up on sundays to find you painting with our baby,” she continued, her face lighting with the expectation. “I want to bake birthday cakes and plan themed parties… I want to be the mother of our child.”

==================

Months later, they were looking on Trixie’s laptop to the profiles of the sperm bank, trying to find the best option for the donor. After more than three hours and what seemed to be an endless parade of male specimens, Trixie finally found what she was looking for. “There he is Katya, he’s perfect… like perfect”, she said all full of excitement and waking Katya from the tiredness of looking straight to the laptop for so long.

What Katya saw when she looked at the screen, almost made her cackle. “Trixie… he looks like my father when he was young and my mother made sure to get into his pants.” Trixie gasped at that piece of her wife’s story… she hadn’t known before, and didn’t need to know that her-mother-in-law was the one jumping her father-in-law’s bones.

“And you just made him like 25% less perfect with that phrase Katya,” Trixie said humorless, but still liking the guy, who’s profile made him look like the male version of Katya. “Still, I like him, at least his features will help our baby to look like they’re your actual kid.”

Katya smiled fondly at her wife. she was seriously involved with the process of making their family growth happening, and it melted her heart. “You know what? you’re right, I like his face. The only thing that’s really different from me, is that his eyes are a bit of a different color. I think he can be the 50% of our baby that I cannot give.” She kissed Trixie’s temple, and the other blonde clicked the selection button on the page. Their journey was starting.

The following week, they went to an appointment with Trixie’s doctor, who explained them the whole fertilization process, and how they’d have to wait from two to three weeks before knowing if the whole thing had actually been successful and the little one will grow healthy inside Trixie’s womb.

From the day the eggs were put inside Trixie they were both excited and terrified.  Katya taking care of her and driving from her studio, to Trixies job to pick her up and then going back together home. When the time finally came to take the pharmacy tests, Katya was holding Trixie on their bathtub, getting her relaxed with a bath bomb and a silly conversation about how Raja and Manila were finally agreeing on getting married in… four or five years.  They left the tub when the water was getting cold and Katya was the one looking to the sticks of the tests because Trixie didn’t found the bravery to do it by herself.

“We… we made it! There’s a little human cub growing inside you Trix!” Katya yelled excitedly, hugging her wife tightly and lifting her up from the ground.  “We’re going to be moms! I love you baby, so much, SO, SO, SO MUCH!” Katya kissed Trixie passionately and deeply, exactly the same way she’d done it since the very first time.

“My God we are going to be moms!” Trixie said, finally realizing the magnitude of what was happening. “Katya… we’re doing this, like actually doing it”, she breathed heavily. “I love you too, and I love baby cub… and love us all!” Trixie cried, lacing her arms behind Katya’s neck to find balance, she felt her legs so wobbly, that she doubted they could keep her up by themselves.

That same week, they went to the doctor and he confirmed the news, as expected, just one of the three eggs had worked, but it was well positioned and being careful along the first trimester, they would get a perfectly healthy newborn for the first weeks of april of the following year.

The first trimester they lived in constant stress, Katya making Trixie bring her along on walks because she was afraid to let Trixie alone, and cooking herself every meal Trixie ate. Trixie started having a very healthy lifestyle, quitting immediately coffee, wine and what was the most difficult for her to leave: sugary things. Every doctor appointment was a whole event. Those visits fit into a schedule composed of the morning pregnancy yoga routine that both Katya and Trixie performed religiously, then the enriched breakfast and Trixie’s pregnancy vitamins, then getting ready and driving to the doctor’s office.

When they reached the week twelve and they were told everything was going perfect, they were so happy, relieved and excited, that they invited all their friends to share the news about the new member of their family.

“Oh my God! the first one of the next generation, I’m so excited!” Shea said, looking pointedly to Trixie’s womb, trying to make it grow faster by looking at it. “I hope it’s a girl, so we’ll be able to spoil her to death.”

“You bet, I’ll make sure she’s a total brat”, Pearl said, getting a loud cackle from her girlfriend Violet and an annoyed look from Katya. “What? She will be my first niece, I have a moral obligation to spoil her rotten.” Violet nodded in agreement to her girlfriend, who lifted her face proudly to get support from her soulmate.

“Guys, we don’t even know if it’s a girl or a boy,” Raja said lazily, taking a sip of wine to create a dramatic effect to her words. “And we all know that it doesn’t matter what’s the sex of the baby, we’ll going to spoil them rotten, just because we’ll be madly in love with them.” The group of women agreed, and Trixie leaned her head on Katya’s shoulder.

Katya surrounded her with an arm and told  her wife “we’re so screwed… this bunch of crazy women will create a monster that we have to raise to be a good human being.” Trixie laughed at how funny that sounded, because she knew deep inside that their friends will always take care, spoil, and make sure that the little one is safe, that was what family was meant to do. And all of them were family.

==================

October ran faster than they expected, the last thing they were talking about was the diner with their friends, and then Halloween was coming, giving room to a November that Trixie spent melting herself into each one of her cravings. Going from a full pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream mixed with candy corn; chocolate flakes and what Katya described as the biggest monstrosity created since the atomic bomb: A Gigantic Burrito drowned in melted cheese and covered with chili, apart of the chili inside.

They started decorating the baby’s room, painting the walls in soft mint green, with some rabbits and bears that Katya painted by herself, spending most of her rare free time on their kid space. Step by step, the room started shaping, first with a wooden crib, which Trixie dressed up with a quilted cover, and Katya installed shelves that would soon be filled with stuffed animals.

One day Katya arrived home with a package that was big enough to require help to be put inside their home. It had been sent by Katya’s mother in Boston, the rocking chair that Katya’s grandfather made when she was born, the last piece of furniture made by the man before passing away. Trixie asked Katya to put it beside the window. “I’ll sing them to sleep there, and I want to breastfeed our kid sitting on that piece of her mom’s story.

December finally came, with a heat wave that no one could actually explain. Trixie and Katya started the Christmas decorations, full of the hot pink Trixie loved so much, and part of the red that actually was a part of Katya’s personality. The little fireplace on their house held a full display of their wedding pictures, and below, a print of the first fuzzy image of their baby. Hung on the mantle were a hot pink christmas stocking with Trixie’s name embroidered in golden letters, and Katya’s all red and also embroidered but in a pearly black color. “I’ll put a hanger for the baby, Trix” Katya said, frowning at the empty space on the fireplace. “It’s their first Christmas, they deserve a stocking in the fireplace.”

“Katya, they won’t be here to open their gifts on Christmas morning, maybe we can wait to next Christmas, so we can actually get Christmas photoshoot and official family greeting cards,” Trixie said. She rubbed the slight curve of her womb that she popped buttons on her top to show off. “Don’t look at me like that, we haven’t even chosen a name for them, we can’t have a nameless stocking in the fireplace… not on my watch.”

It was the day before Christmas Eve when they had their 20th week appointment; Trixie’s bump kept growing, to the point she actually looked pregnant, and she finally got to wear a stupid denim overall that Katya hated, but tolerated because Trixie was very excited to wear it.  “We will know today, you know?”, she said to Katya when they were driving to the doctor’s office. “It’s time to know if we’re having a boy or a girl… I’m nervous baby.”

“Everything will be fine, love. Also we will be better able to decide on a name once we know what sex they are.” They  walked hand in hand to the office, and kept holding hands when the doctor finally let them know the baby’s gender. Both of them cried a stream of happy tears when the words ‘it’s a boy’ came out of their doctor’s mouth.

What followed was the largest argument they’ve had since they met. Trixie was nagging on the idea of a single name, something simple. Katya was spreading some names here and there. None of them actually coming to an agreement until Trixie said. “No Bible names, nothing Jew… please, nothing personal, it’s just I think they’re so common. Also, I don’t want none of those fancy ‘Blake Cinnamon’ thing, I respect our child enough for that matter.”

“Well, what do you think about gender neutral names?” Katya prompted ,”I mean, we don’t know what he’s going to want when he grow up, better to give him a starting point.” Trixie arched a brow, pondering the idea, and finding it endearing. Also, a gender neutral name would be a nice surprise for their friends, who will keep asking what the baby was.

“I’m on it, we’ll make some research at home” Trixie said, giving Katya some room to breathe. They finally had an agreement.

It was close to midnight when Trixie put aside the computer, totally frustrated and looking at Katya as if she had a third eye and palmed fingers. “No Katya, for the hundredth time today, my son will not be named Blake, and that’s a final word.”

“It’s a good name Trix, come on, you can’t just dismiss any friggin option I’m giving. And no, my son will not be named Avery… it sounds awful.”  They looked at each other, fire, annoyance, and tiredness in their respective gazes. “If I didn’t know this baby is a boy, I’d name her Helena… just a face like Helen of Troy would cause such a war between two loving women.”

Trixie snapped her head, looking at Katya. “There it is, we haven’t considered greek names!” Katya looked at her, rubbing her chin and arching a brow in deep thought.

“You know, I’ve been studying the greek myths for the new collection, a reinvention of the classic figures. I’ve just read about the Trojan war, and it all happened because Paris couldn’t keep his hands to himself, and needed to kidnap Helen to him.” Katya explained, making Trixie huff in annoyance. “The point is, I guess Paris is a good name, like… gender neutral, and also will always remind us of the time we decided to become his mothers, as we were in France when we decided it to happen.”

Trixie nodded, “I guess it’s a good idea, Paris.  Paris Mattel-Zamolodchikova, I really like it Katya.” She leaned to kiss her wife to seal the deal “His name is Paris, and I’ll embroider it tomorrow on his stocking, so he will have a proper presence in our house.”

“And on his first Christmas” Katya said enthusiastically, then put a hand on Trixie’s belly, who gave a little jump “did you felt that Katya?”, Trixie asked, amused. “Oh… Oh! there it is again, have you felt it?”

Katya’s eyes opened wide, looking from Trixie’s face to her hand on her belly. “That’s him. It’s Paris kicking!” The baby kicked one more time, making them excited, happy and teary. “He likes my voice baby, he really likes it.” Katya kissed Trixie once and then bent to talk to the bumping baby  “Hello Paris, I’m Katya, your mom, and she is Trixie, your mommy, and we are very excited to know you’re our boy.”

“And right now, we’re going to bed, cause I know you’re not tired Paris, but I’m exhausted, and you go wherever I wanna go… at least now.” They both laughed, and Katya got off the couch to help Trixie to stand up.

Some minutes later, Trixie was fast asleep, leaning on Katya’s chest, a soft smile spreaded on her lips, before Katya whispered “Good night Baby. Good Night Paris. Merry Christmas. I love you both.”

#paris #saiphl #soulmate au #lesbian au #trixyawrimo #trixie mattel #katya zamolodchikova #trixya #raja gemini #manila luzon #shea coulee #sasha velour #pearl liaison #violet chachki #rpdr fanfiction #lyonne dlm

[bufanzi]

QIN COMPLIATION

( left to right: bu fan, yue yue, xiao yu, ling chao, mu ziyang, bowen)

Yue yue

his real name is yue minghui 岳明辉 !! (92-liner) 

nicknames include 老岳 (lao yue; old yue) & 岳叔 (yue shu; uncle yue) & 中年岳 (middle-aged yue) . PLS LET YUE YUE LIVE. 

used the name 岳岳 as a stage name bc of the way it sounds & its easier for people to remember ; PINKRAY

he went by the name joey yue while studying overseas lmao

有背景有文化的团长 （ A leader with sophiscated background and culture )

Cold city boy from beijing

Engineering student!!! from Nanjing University of Aeronautics & did masters in glasgow uni!!!!!! V v v smart!!!

Great english, British accent sorta ( listen to him speak x x )

HAS A CUTE FANG TOOTH

Will trade fatty meat for lean meat if u ask

TATTOOS (I THINK THERE’S A WOLF ONE, THE ONE W AN ANCHOR+OCTOPUS not sure though :c not enough HD pics to verify ;;)

Basketballlll

Wants to collab w eminem one day

Looks up to eminem, dr dre & ice cube

STEALS MU ZIYANG’S CLOTHES VERY OFTEN (there was this vid once when yue yue was choosing btwn 5 outfits and mu ziyang was like “can u at least put one of ur own outfits in the 5”)

Voted as naggy lmao (was asked by mu ziyang whether 1 ton of iron or 1 ton of cotton is heavier, and he talked to ziyang about it for 2 hrs about the question isn’t logical cause the experiment must be held in the same conditions, the air etc etc)

His hair is a birds nest & cannot be maintained + he uses the company’s hair dryer (which actually belongs to ling chao) to do his hair

Likes to eat everything, not picky with food :”) 

THE ONE THAT ALWAYS STEALS FOOD FROM OTHERS. 

DRAMA QUEEN 

became bufan’s “woman” in IP aft the gang initiation LOL

yue likes to have clothes with holes in weird places, so i think that’s why he always wears ziyangs’s clothes 

his underwear is still outside the window ledge/roof on their old qin dorm c: 

can drive!!! has a car!!!! drives a honda w a super cool license plate number ahah 

lmao wanted to set up an emergency fund for the himself and the boys because they are always getting their salary deducted HAHAH (+ it was said that ling chao has the most money bc he listens the best and is always on time)

plays the guitar!!! 

has a tentacle fetish lmao 

initially his dad wasn’t supportive of him becoming a trainee so he secretly went to idol producer without his dad’s knowledge (his dad didn’t even know what he was doing at qin ent) but rn his dad rlly supports him!! 

yue yue’s fans call themselves 岳妻 (yue yue’s wife) 

Mu ziyang

PROFESSIONAL MODEL

His real name is li zhenyang 李振洋 (94-liner) 

his stage name 木子洋 is cause his surname 李 is formed from 木子 then they added the 洋 ; KWIN

Fans call him 小懂事 ( which means something like a sensible kid )  

Walked in milan fashion week!!!!!! WALKED FOR MANY BRANDS!!!! THIS KING

FANS CALL HIM QIN’S CLOSET/SPONSOR :”)

Also said he managed to walk for the show that he most wanted to!!!!

WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS BUFAN (Beijing Institute of Fashion Technology) (and was schoolmates with dong yanlei) 

Scared of ghosts cause his mum used to tell him that ghosts will snatch him away if he misbehaves

says he isn’t of haunted houses, but then asks ling chao to hug him tightly when walking though it lmao

SCARED OF CRABS BC HE THINKS THEY ARE UGLY (this idiot lmao)

he’s scared of everything :)

PAID BUFAN 50 YUAN TO FEED HIM CRABS

LIKES TO DO “BUSINESS” ie trade stuff with ling chao so that ling chao will do his bidding

Rlly sad but mu ziyang got srsly sick during ip first evals and had to do iv drips until his hands were all bruised cause of the needle marks :c

Lmao this idiot thinks 3/6 > 3/5

wants to work with Leonardo DiCaprio

he can’t stand people sitting on his bed

“It’s not that the pyjamas are expensive, I’m expensive” 

Sang 越战越勇 on before!! 

lowkey was upset he didn’t get balloons on his birthday while yue yue got a wall of happy birthday + star balloons HAHAHA

roommates with yue in the qin dorm

threw yue’s underwear out the window bc yue forced it over his head :”) & its stuck right outside the roof at their old dorm

bought a tank for loaches/mudfish & only realised that it wasn’t meant for fishes after putting the decorations and water in it... 

apparently has a driving license 

once while driving a motorcycle, the battery died & he used a strangers phone to call yue yue. then yue yue had to come pick him up with his car. since he had the motorcycle, ziyang sat on the motorcycle and held on to the car handle & they drove back like that lmao

can play the piano!!!

THE ONE THAT DISSES LING CHAO 

THERE WAS THIS ONCE POST ON DOUBAN where mu ziyang bought ALL the buns from the convenience store & zhu xingjie came a while later and wast stuck at the store cause he had to wait until the next batch was ready lmao

Had a huge knee surgery during his trainee period :c (the boys also visited him in the hospital) + also sad bc qin3 went for a huge seafood feast at home when mu ziyang was stuck eating hospital food

before leaving the dorms he went with ling chao to the convenience store to buy food bc he says ling chao is kinda picky with his food so he doesn’t eat much & he isnt’t able to take care of him anymore now that he’s eliminated so he used up all his remaining money to buy food for him

after being eliminated, he and yue yue went to play HAHAHA

Bu fan

his real name is bu fanfan 卜凡凡 (96-liner)

the boys call him 凡子 (fan zi), where 凡 is from his name and 子 is a term of endearment :”) 

used bu fan as a stage name because he thinks bu fanfan is too cute lol; KATTO (PRONOUNCED AS KA-TOO)

192cm 对 cant play basketball though

LOVES DOGS, HUSKY

ACTUALLY DIDNT GRAD FRM SCHOOL YET :c he said his parents are pushing him to continue to study but nonetheless support him as an idol

HAS AN OLDER BROTHER (10 YEARS AGE GAP)

CLINGY

LOVES TO CRY ( crise a lot when doing stretching)

Voted most scared of pain

Once got caught eating a melon & got punished :c (+ he always steals melon from the fridge & doesn’t even close the refrigerator door afterwards...) 

Always late for work apparently until there’s no more salary to be detected

HIS ACTUAL MINK JACKET IS ACTUALLY JUST A BATHROBE

apparently owes ziyang money & gave him a rap perf for money lol

Once helped an old auntie neighbour buy a new phone bc hers was old and was about to spoil 

When asked if he likes girls with short hair or long hair, this boy said he doesn’t like any & likes computers instead lmao

He can’t stand low qualiy movies, it has to be in HD

when he becomes rich and successful, he’s going to help the manager xiao yu do some intense stretching lmao 

“ everytime bufan goes to the subway, the authorities will always check his ID ” - yueyue 

Has a wall of demoralising quotes back at the qin dorm ( iconic quotes include: “being ugly is a disease” & “the reason why you drink chicken soup is because other people have already ate the meat” & “all roads lead to rome, but some people are born in rome” )

“ 家爆脸 ”- zhou yanchen

HIGHKEY LOVES YUEYUE A LOT this sweet child tried his best to protect yue’s cake from being eaten cause he wanted yue to take a photo with it first ( in qin ent, it was said that the only way they get food is to snatch from others, so that cake was NOT safe with mu ziyang and ling chao around )

MORE INSTANCES OF HIS LOVE FOR YUEYUE, HE WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF IF U DISS HIS YUE :”) just look at bufan getting triggered when zhou rui mentioned about yue’s eye wrinkles

Also, he called yue yue disgusting cause yue yue didn’t come back at night & went to sleep in another trainees room ( he’s jealous )

Leader of a gang (current known members include ( xiao gui, fan chengcheng, yue yue & xu shengen) 

got tricked to eat a sichuan chilli by yue yue poor thing

KING OF SEAFOOD 

once a deliveryman misread his name as 小凡凡 (xiao fanfan) instead of 卜凡凡 (bu fanfan), then got dissed by the mu ziyang saying “omg why do u call yourself that” 

I think bufan has a habit of saying the word 对 (dui) after a sentence, its pretty cute :”)

according to ziyang, bu fan thinks he’s the smartest in the group 

has a habit of calling people 宝宝 (baobao) & 宝贝 (baobei) which means baby/babe

outed yue yue as the only one that wears mu ziyang’s clothes (when asked if mzy was really qin’s closet, he said that our group has 4 people, ling chao and I never wear mzy’s clothes)

Ling chao

His real name is li yingchao 李英超 (01-liner)

his stage name came about bc if u say his real name really fast ‘李英 (li ying) will sound like 灵 (ling) ; DIDI (lmao when he’s old he’s still going to be called didi)

call him 弟弟 (di di; little brother) or  小王子 (little prince)

Loves his candies & would probably fight u for it

Hides candies in so many diff places/compartments lmao

got a toothache bc of said candy

sings really well!!!! 

SAYS HIS FAV CELEBRITY IS 黄晓明 (& angelababy)

HAS A YOUNGER SISTER BUT THINKS HE’S STILL THE PRETTIEST IN THE FAMILY

Receives the most love from the other boys :”) ( they have a rule where the plate with the most meat goes to him )

roommates with bu fanfan

Always seen with mu ziyang ( the true otp )

Doesnt like meat with fats

CAN DO SPLITS!!!!!!! & ALSO SPLITS WHILE DOING A HEADSTAND

HAS THE NICEST LOOKING EYES

is an idiot. he went to a korean restaurant & told ziyang that the “spicy cabbage” wasn’t tasty and he preferred kimchi instead. BUT THEY ARE THE SAME THING. 

he likes white roses

likes cats!! 

likes to scare chickens (& got scolded for it)

during break time, he has to memorise Chinese vocabulary ( and is taught by the company’s ceo!!!!!!)

i think he sticks with ziyang the most! ;; (obvs they are the superior ship)

BROUGHT ZIYANG TO SEE THE TALKING TRASH BIN JUST TO MAKE ZIYANG SCARED. 

shittiest luck HAHAHA (bufan+lingchao team and yueyue+ziyang team had to draw lots to see who gets to sleep in the room and who sleeps outside in the living room, and ling chao always loses)

GETS DISSED FOR HAVING NARROW SHOULDERS 

printed his own picture on a pillow then said it was “given by fans” 

had a writer/blogger/reviewer kind of site where he wrote stuff 

looks up to xukun and zhangjing the most in ip!

 “ if your 3 qin brothers become a girl, who would be your older sister, younger sister and girlfriend? ” LING CHAO: NONE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE UGLY

GETS HIT BY ZIYANG A LOT LMAO 

ling chao’s fans are called 糖精 (tang jing; candy spirit) because of his love for candy

小于 (xiao yu)

BC221’s manager!!!!!!!!! (Also helps then stretch)

very sassy & playful

older than all of the qin boys ; had to work for 4 years before attending university

he’s almost always the camera man for bc221′s trainee life videos!!!! (its either him or bowen)

Came off as a little mean in the video where the boys were stretching :c but honestly he just rlly wants the best for them

Stays with the boys in their qin dorm!!!!!!

Went to the same university with mu ziyang!!! (& says mu ziyang stole his snacks, face masks, shoes, clothes, socks etc); they probably graduated the same time cause they were classmates! 

Sometimes ppl call him 小鱼 (yu) ( word play; means little fish ) & mu ziyang called him 热带鱼 (tropical fish)

When yue yue got in trouble for playing computer games, he called xiao yu handsome and he laughed & immediately stop scolding yue yue LOL

yueyue likes to diss him lmao 

Gives ling chao sweets!!! (doesn’t give bufan and yueyue bc they apparently dont listen to him lmao) 

said to bufan : “IS BEING TALL EVERYTHING??? HUH???”

“we always get scolded by our manager, the first day would pass by normally but then on the 2nd day we would get scolded” - yueyue & bufan

“excuse you? what was that about your manager scolding you everyday? its called a heart to heart talk” 

a fan sent pig feed to the company & he said he was going to save it to give to the boys as a birthday present

WROTE MU ZIYANG IS THE UGLIEST AND LEFT IT FOR ZIYANG TO FIND 

yue yue calls him 小于帅 a lot. 

followed yue yue to his home to visit lao yue’s mum :”) helped yue yue carried the luggage up the stairs

went Thailand with yue yue and mu ziyang after eliminations!

got dragged by bu fan into the toilet  (bu fan said it was xiao yu that pushed him inside but there’s video evidence HAHAHA)

Sadly no longer part of QIN’s entertainment anymore

博文 (Bowen)

lives with the boys apparently

Shorter than the qin4 and xiao yu ahaha if you see the video angle being lower compared to others, then its bowen filming (fans call it the girlfriend angle lmao) 

I think he’s qin’s video editor/photographer!

currently now part of qin’s one man subbing team rip bowen

passive aggressively posting on weibo whenever xiao yu posts updates on their Thailand adventure bc they didn’t bring him along hahahah

he has a cat called 棉裤 (cotton pants), mu ziyang hates this cat because 棉裤 always climbs on his bed

#idol producer shitpost #idol producer #ling chao #lingchao #yue yue #bufan #bu fan #mu ziyang #mine #i'm always updating this whenever i see smthg interesting omg #qin #bc221 #xiao yu #bowen

[totty-chan]

The Truth about Fhujeth vs. Chocho

This isn’t a callout post, it’s a name-clearing and fact-straightening post for @chochomatsu / @domatsu

Before I go on with this post, I’m going to say a few things for the sake of transparency. I have known (or at least known about) both Fhujeth (@totally-totty / @osomi) and Chocho within the Osomatsu-san fandom for roughly a year now. I have had my own share of negative experiences with Fhujeth over that year, not least the Totty Club issues. I met Chocho because of the Totty Club and we’ve been friends since that time. The club is not what this is about though. I just felt I needed to state my relationship with these two people to clear up any potential questions of bias towards one side.

No one in existence is 100% unbiased, one is my friend, the other isn’t. But despite completely different experiences I have tried to maintain neutrality where I possibly can. I already knew there was a past friendship and later breaking of said friendship between Fhujeth and Chocho, and that there was some drama that spilled over into the public domain after that break.

I was told last week that Fhujeth continues to vague post about the situation, suggesting she hasn’t been able to let go. I decided to approach Fhujeth to see what was going on - for the sake of a friend that I care about. Fhujeth knows that I am friends with Chocho but again, for the sake of neutrality, I asked Fhujeth why she sees Chocho as her “abuser”, and what proof there is of this. I am someone who needs proof before I believe. Fhujeth explained her position and gave me some evidence in the form of chatlog to back it up.

After Fhujeth presented her argument to me along with the evidence she had to give, I stated that I wanted to get the other side of the story by talking to Chocho about it. Fhujeth’s nature basically instantly turned more... apologetic? Certainly less fighty. I got the distinct impression she didn’t want me to approach Chocho about this - which to me rang alarm bells.

I then spoke to Chocho about the situation - a story that Chocho has been unwilling to talk about in any detail until now. The reason being that she didn’t want to relive it, hoping that it would blow over and go away. But obviously it hasn’t.

Just to note that Fhujeth (and apparently some of her friends) questioned whether I am being appropriate by mediating between her and Chocho, asking for details as I go. Later on, Fhujeth said this to me:

I try to hear both sides of a story but I also since this summer have been trying not to get too involved in other people's drama. I don't want to because I don't want to get on anyone's badside. I know this is hard to believe but like you, I am someone who sticks up for their friends and fights and often is a diplomat or mediator or a neutral party who tries to hear two sides out. I have been for my friend and someone who wants nothing to do with them who keeps harassing my friend.

My answer is that this is exactly what I am doing here. You are welcome to judge me for making this information public however you see fit.

I have been given explicit permission from Chocho to post the information beyond this point.

I asked for this permission because I feel that it is disgusting that this issue has been going on for so long, an issue affecting a good friend of mine. I am of the opinion that if Fhujeth can go around the fandom spreading chatlogs to incriminate someone, I can use chatlogs to debunk it.

The rest of this post is under a cut - it is a LONG TEXT WALL but it clears up a lot. For those without the time to read a post of this length there is a tl;dr at the end. However you will need to read the post to understand the reasons for the conclusion!

KEY FROM NOW ON:

Normal - Me (totty-chan, Sammy)

[ITALICS] - Chocho’s notes, opinions, etc.

BLOCKQUOTE - Chatlogs - Chocho is normal text, Fhujeth and others are bold

I have been assured by both sides that none of the chatlogs shown to me are edited in any way, except names where appropriate and the occasional note spliced in to better explain certain things. For Jussy, a person unfortunately involved in this, I have replaced their tumblr username with “Jussy” to protect their identity. There is private information (location, etc.) about both parties in the logs which I will replace with “---” for the sake of their privacy. Some chatlogs had images within them - these cannot be shown as they were not logged in the text files and no longer exist. I only sought permission from Chocho to show logs. Anyone who would like to see the evidence shown by Fhujeth will have to ask Fhujeth herself for it.

Both Fhujeth and Chocho mentioned that they used an IM app called “utox”. Fhujeth claimed that this app doesn’t keep logs. Chocho’s logs from this point mostly come from utox (some are from tumblr). This image is proof that logging is possible:

Commissions/Money

The first thing Fhujeth spoke to me about was regarding commissions done by Chocho for other people.

totty You want the chatlogs? I have one that was taken from when her and a friend of mine were talking after my friend found out Chocho had been pretending to be two different people and pleading as both for commissions and I have our last convo that we had before the "we're not talking anymore." That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Fhujeth gave me evidence in the form of a chatlog about the second issue mentioned here first. I’m going to cover the issue regarding begging for commissions first despite not being given “evidence” about it until a lot later in the conversation. This also involves other people and money which is why it’s the important one.

Fhujeth claimed that Chocho asked people for commissions, claiming that she “needed money for this or that reason really bad.” There was also a claim that Chocho would pretend to be both “Domatsu” and “Chocho” - two separate people - in an attempt to ask for more money from the same person. This person is a mutual friend of both Fhujeth and Chocho.

Fhujeth claimed to have proof that Domatsu and Chocho are the same person but said that Chocho admitted this anyway so it wasn’t needed.

When I asked Chocho about this, she said:

[I never asked anybody for commissions, ever. It's against my morals. I made a commissions promo post on domatsu in order to replace my dodgy old Wacom tablet that was years old, worn down and no longer supported for parts and did commissions for that, people continued to commission me after that, even though I posted when I got my tablet. That was their choice. Fhujeth saying that I squeezed Jussy for tons of money... whilst Jussy did commission me A LOT, she always came to ME asking, I never asked her (unlike Fhujeth who flat out said to me one time that she was going to go ask Jussy to commission her). I never begged Jussy and I never approached her or pressured her to commission me. She always asked first and I always made sure she was okay with the price and knew where all the pricing was coming from in the picture before she agreed to it. I thanked her for all her commissions because she really did help me.]

Chocho gave me evidence of Jussy asking for the commissions:

Jussy Hey, honey~ ^.^ hope you are well? I can't stop looking at my OsoMisha piece~ *u* and I am so happy with it~<3 I would love to commission you again X33 Jussy I will email you again~ ;) with my new idea~

Jussy BTW, when I get paid again, I was thinking of commissioning you again, but for something different ;3 * at the end of the month

Jussy Haha XDD you think you can take on another commission of mine? ;3

Jussy Eeeee, plz let him tumblr XDD and yush~ 0w0 it is <3 such great times X3 Plus, your Kara comic inspired me to commission you for an OsoMisha one X3

Jussy Soon, I'd love to commission an icon X3

Jussy I was thinking of Osomatsu and his brothers surprising Misha on her birthday on the 10th >w< Jussy as a commission

Jussy Hey, ChoCho X3 you up for me to commission you again? c:

Jussy Now I have the urge to commission Misha taking care of Osomatsu in the clothes his wearing~

Chocho also gave me this chatlog between her and Fhujeth regarding Jussy, commissions, the cost of said commissions, and asking for them.

Fhujeth: Jussy wants to pay me 35 (total) for a drawing with 3 chars (dollars) yay or nay Chocho: Fullbody or no Chocho: *? Fhujeth: full body Fhujeth: that's alot less than she was paying Chocho: I'd ask for 40 at least Fhujeth: Did my art value suddenly change Chocho: I don't think so! Chocho: Did she mean £? Fhujeth: Originally she paid 71$ for it Chocho: Or does she not know currency conversion? Chocho: What did she even say? Fhujeth: Cus I'm not sure if I should be insulted and hurt and start crying and just stop doing commissions or think she has no idea about currency conversion Chocho: I'd fall on the last one there first Fhujeth: I really hope so... Chocho: This is Jussy Fhujeth: [9:38:02 AM] Jussy: Yo~ ;3 [10:48:33 AM] Firrymatsu: Hi ^^ I am going to get this commission done fast but is is possible to be commissioned again sometime soon I just had to go to the doctor and my medication was 25 pounds ;.; [10:49:40 AM] Jussy: Okay my darling~ >w< and sure thing my honey~ ^.^ you know, I was thinking I COULD give you back the sketch you gave me, so you can finish it off and I give you 25 $ or more for it~ : 3 [10:49:54 AM] Jussy: Now you have a good idea on Hummingdoe's appearance [10:50:22 AM] Firrymatsu: dollars or pounds :o [10:50:52 AM] Jussy: Dollars ^w^ [10:51:36 AM] Firrymatsu: the one with croc, moosel, and hummingdoe? [10:52:07 AM] Jussy: That's right ^w^ [10:55:32 AM] Firrymatsu: 25 dollars is not very much @_@ [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? Fhujeth: does she even have a concept of money? Fhujeth: I'm taking into consideration the 10 she already gave me... Chocho: I haven't a clue! Fhujeth: I'm too tired for this ;.; Fhujeth: It's 3 full body characters in a style I dunno, one is a fan character with an out of style reference.... Chocho: I'd also consider that you are asking her to commission you and give her money rather than her making that decision herself to ask on her own... Fhujeth: Yeah! I am taking that into consideration. Originally this idea we planned at 70, I think 50 is fair? Fhujeth: or 45 Chocho: Ask her for that! Fhujeth: Ok! Fhujeth: [10:56:03 AM] Jussy: Okay X3 35? [10:56:21 AM] Jussy: or 40? [10:59:41 AM] Firrymatsu: 40 @_@ then you had already paid that 10 dollars towards it, that makes it 50 - I'd normally charge 70 but since I am asking you for help I will go lower?

Fhujeth: i'll reply when i am done with this commission is reluctantly asked if they were willing to commission me again.

[See? She flat out asked/begged Jussy to commission her... and was insulted with the price Jussy was willing to pay. From what I could gather, Jussy wasn't happy with the sketch Fhujeth gave her before so wanted to commission Fhujeth for something else instead of the original pic?]

(Note, Firrymatsu = Fhujeth)

From my perspective it appears Chocho received commission requests - she didn’t go asking for them personally. There is evidence that it was in fact Fhujeth that asked for at least two commissions rather than being approached.

Also (this is just my opinion), what is wrong with commissioning under multiple aliases? Novel authors write books under different names all the time to separate styles - and make money on those separately. It happens in the music world too, songwriters often have multiple aliases or they ghostwrite for other singers or bands, making money as they go. It’s not immoral, it’s just a method of being able to separate different styles of working and still be able to keep on top of things. I do not understand why Fhujeth is using this against Chocho in an attempt to back up the “abuser” claim.

Fhujeth also said this to me regarding Chocho and Jussy:

If you see her collection you'll understand she had no NEED for money, she had a WANT for money. When Jussy found out that not only was her money going towards the same person but also not for needed things like food and health but for buying say, a full set of 45 dollar a piece matsu plush... she was not terribly happy.

I asked Chocho about this and was given this chatlog with an explanation afterwards:

Chocho: We live in a little town. =( Fhujeth: Ahhhh. Fhujeth: That makes it creepier you're so close to Jussy then. Chocho: It's not even that... it's a sub-town? Or village? I dunno. --- is the area, --- is the town... and we're in --- which is considered a part of --- overall so I guess it's a village Chocho: Yeah, we are REALLY close to Jussy Fhujeth: we don't have villages here so I have no idea how to like.... word it. Yeah it seems creepy..... like nothing on her but she is strange... part of me wonders if she is an adult... or a kid.... or an impulse buyer Fhujeth: Like nothing on your fanart I just don't see how someone can afford all that so fast like wow. Fhujeth: That's a lot of artwork of a weird fantasy. Chocho: I dunno. =T Not complaining though, it helped John with his bills this month

Chocho: I finished one of the comms for Jussy Fhujeth: Yay! Chocho: dop Chocho: =image goes here= Fhujeth: you did it!! Fhujeth: cute! Fhujeth: she will love that Chocho: Thank-you! =) Chocho: 1 down Chocho: 3 Chocho: to Chocho: go Fhujeth: are they easier ones? Chocho: Not particularly Chocho: One involves Iyami Chocho: who is a bitch to draw Chocho: And one is hypnotism-esque Fhujeth: from her? Chocho: Well, yeah Chocho: I don't take commissions from anybody but you, John, Jussy and Cathie at the moment Fhujeth: Ahh that is nice and a smart idea Chocho: I really want to help John out. @_@ Chocho: So I'm just having the money sent straight to him Fhujeth: Good idea! Fhujeth: And they have lots Fhujeth: Well, I wonder what Jussy really is she seems to be so mysterious

(And when Fhujeth says that I "didn't use the money on life but on merch instead"... that's not entirely true. I got some merch that I had ordered sent to my friend because I couldn't receive it here and it ended up being way larger than we expected, it was HUGE! If I'd have known they were THAT BIG I wouldn't have ordered them, but they were and we ended up with them. He had to send them one by one and they cost $22.50 to send EACH. He IOU'd me the money and sent them over to me since his house is not very big and they were taking up space. Then it turned out that he was short of funds for personal reasons (I'm not gonna say what because it's private), so I wanted to pay him back ASAP to help with his bills. So I was getting Jussy to send ALL the commission money she paid me directly to my friend (John) in order to pay him back for his kindness and help his bills. So yes, whilst it was not going on MY bills, it was going on my FRIEND's bills. And whilst it was TECHNICALLY going "towards merch", it was actually going towards paying my friend back for the postage it cost him to get them to me. Fhujeth knows this.)

I personally don’t see an issue with spending commission money on merch, or for that matter, anything. In any case, this issue doesn’t seem to be quite as clear-cut as Fhujeth was painting it to be. The obvious conclusion from the things Fhujeth told me would be that Chocho demanded to be commissioned due to a strong “NEED” for money, claimed that it was for “things like food and health”, only to spend it on merch. I’ve seen enough evidence to be able to say that this isn’t the case.

Chocho also gave me further logs about the commissions/money issues:

Fhujeth: I refunded her the 35 when the REALLY EVIL PART OF ME WAS LIKE, "Dude keep it dude, dude, duuude, dude, greed, dude, greed, dude."

Fhujeth: plus the 45 USD she just tossed me for (well, some stuff I paid 3 dollars for basically) Chocho: How much profit are you making off of her? Fhujeth: The camera case/bag was in a super clearance machine I think they put it in there to make it difficult to grab the iyamis and chibitas cus it was big and would catch the claw but I was like, "FUCK THAT" and got all the chibitas and iyamis around it and then pulled it out Fhujeth: and then like there was times I just bulk won tons of osomatsu keychains and she bought 2 of those Fhujeth: cus on golden week they rigged the machines to pay out super crazy easy and I spend like 300 dollars I ended up with like 8 choros and 7 jyushis Fhujeth: contacted jussy about the osomatsu cushion hehe Fhujeth: did I tell you I charged her 10 shipping and her item to ship turned out to be 180 Chocho: 180? Fhujeth: like 2 dollars

Fhujeth: "the keychain and pillow (very huggable) for 65 + shipping (and you already paid for " ya so I know what you'll do with these poor plush so I will charge 15 for the keyring and 50 for the plush juss Fhujeth: me: Well the pillow which I sell for 40 I'll sell to you for 50 and this keychain I sell for 10 I'll sell to you for 15 and I know oyu paid shipping on the other thing you bought but I'ma go ahead and ignore that and combine this all shipping so 15 shipping Fhujeth: yeah I feel bad Fhujeth: but I also am like Fhujeth: she is really Fhujeth: but I Will give her a nicer shipping i think Fhujeth: at least tracking Fhujeth: you: *terrible person* Fhujeth: you're thinking that Fhujeth: a bad person would be if I decided to not refund her that 35 dollars and see what happens x.x Chocho: I didn't say anything! =B Fhujeth: What are you thinking? Chocho: That I'm not sure if Ichimatsu looks right? XD Fhujeth: So you don't care if I charge her for things? Fhujeth: Like a lot. Chocho: Oh, I do, but it's none of my business. =B

Fhujeth: I most def do not feel bad Fhujeth: charging her Fhujeth: because she probably torments many people

[I find it amazing she says about my "collection"! Hahaha! She's shown people her collection what, countless times? She has far, far more than I do and it's not like she needs that any more than I do. XD SHE's the one who doesn't have a need for money, not me, I never inherited anything from anybody! SHE's the one who has a want for money, even though as far as I know, she has a lot already! (She also liked to horrendously overcharge Jussy for things, just because she knew Jussy wouldn't question!)

To be honest, any time Fhujeth offered me something to buy off her it was.... really unnerving... it wasn't like a friendly "Oh yeah, you can buy this if you want", it was always so... like a sharp merchant, not a friend helping another get something. She even said one time that she would only hold a piece of merch for me for "up to a year"... that put quite the unnerved feeling onto me... XD;;; And it was ALWAYS like that... we had to make sure the money was 100% EQUAL AND ACCOUNTED FOR. To be honest, it was scary. She did this with the plush she wanted me to make her too. I didn't really like buying from Fhujeth, it was stressful, but a lot of the time I felt pressured.]

Fhujeth: well, I have one Chocho: One is in 18 Fhujeth: I will sell it Fhujeth: I can hold it Chocho: Oh? =o Well... if you want to... Fhujeth: if you're up for that Fhujeth: I don't mind holding stuff for you up to a year

I’m seeing a “NEED” for money from Fhujeth here - not Chocho. There are also some very obvious nasty and insulting attacks on Jussy from Fhujeth combined with some extremely unfair financial tactics in an attempt to squeeze more money out of her.

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth involved a claim that Chocho demanded to be commissioned by Jussy to buy a new cellphone:

She threw her phone on her bed and it accidentally cracked and broke (baring in mind this was a phone her dad gave her, had no service, and she used to play games on it). She said she was gonna ask Jussy for help to her a new one. We were also talking about Timezones for another reason. If it wasn't cause the phone broke it was cause she wanted something else but I remember around that part not caring too much.

I think it was the phone.

Chocho gave me this chat between her and Jussy along with comments and chat with Fhujeth:

chochomatsu And my phone smashed yesterday tooooo Jussy B'awww, I am soooo sorry to heat that my lovely ;w; chochomatsu Not having a good time (;m;) Jussy what?? o0o nooo! Anything I can do to help? ;w; chochomatsu Yeah! (;m;) [<--- Note, this is a response to "what?? o0o nooo!", not "Anything I can do to help? ;w;] Some of the glass actually fell out... so... it's pretty much unusable now. (;_;) RIP my phone...I didn't even have it all that long... Jussy Oooh, my...you poor lass ;3; <3 can you get it fixed? chochomatsu And I can't afford to get another one either! At least I didn't use it all that often... (;w;);;; Jussy b'awww ;3; I only use my phone for calling and texting chochomatsu I think it's pretty much gone. (;_;) I don't think you can replace the screens on these... This was my first ever smart phone, I wanted one for years... and I think it lasted... a few months... not even a year! Jussy Ooooh, poopy ;3; what a shame How did it break? chochomatsu It was a really silly thing. (;_;) I went to bed last night and took it with me because I do Japanese study just before bed... I put the charger on my pillow and then gently plopped my phone on top... Jussy b'awww ;3; chochomatsu BANG Glass all over my pillow... Jussy Oooh, my..o.o Jussy goodness it happens darling, don't worry chochomatsu Yeah. (;_;) I feel really stupid... it wasn't even that hard an impact, I guess it just hit it in the wrong place Jussy aww, I am sorry dear ;3; chochomatsu I think we passed your workplace today though! Jussy Really?? 0w0 --- That's where --- is~ chochomatsu Yeah! You work at --- Bupa, right? Jussy I do :D Jussy what time?

[we talked here about completely different things for a while until we had to go, this next part is the next day]

11/23/2016 Jussy Aaaahh, Hey, ChoCho~ X3 I would like to help you get a new phone by commissioning you. I have something in mind and I would like to discuss it ^w^ chochomatsu Hiya, good morning, Jussy! <3 How are you today? And thankyou so much! (;m;) That is so sweet of you! <3 *hugs* Jussy Good morning my darling~ ^w^ I am good, a bit better from my cold >w< <3 and ya welcome, always happy to help out~ ^.^ *hugs*

[In regards to the phone, I never asked Jussy for commissions to cover replacing it. I mentioned it to Jussy because she was my friend and I was frustrated I'd just broke my phone (anybody would be I think), she approached me the next day saying she wanted to commission me to put towards getting myself a new phone, which I was absolutely greatful for. This commission I asked her to send to my BOYFRIEND instead since he'd be the one buying the phone and I wanted that money to absolutely go towards the phone. But before I could get the phone, Fhujeth lied to Jussy about me in order to put Jussy off me and cut me off from any future commissions (knowing that I only ever accepted commissions off of Jussy by that point). Since I no longer had any kind of income, I had to send the entirety of that money to John since he was a priority over a new phone. I still don't have a new phone (but luckily for me, it hasn't fallen apart yet like we expected! Since the crack is right at the button, we expected the button to fall out at any time, luckily it hasn't. I had to stop doing my kanji/kana learning because that involved drawing the kanji/kana on the screen and the sensitivity is basically shot on that part of the screen making it very hard to do anything there.).

(Also, my phone has always had service (you can see that it does, "TESCO" in the bottom corner of the photo I gave Jussy of my phone showing the damage)

It wasn't my Dad that gave it to me, it was my Boyfriend's Dad and I used it to study Japanese with apps because it was too weak to play the phone games without crashing. I tried playing Hesokuri Wars on it for a bit, but it was unreliable and crashed during game play a lot. So whilst I left it on my phone for ages, I didn't open it because it wouldn't load at all eventually (updates made it too hefty). I mostly played things like Hesokuri Wars and Tabimatsu on my PC using an emulator called Andy. It was FHUJETH's phone that didn't have service that she only used for games.]

Fhujeth: My mobile lost service... 3-4 months ago.

Chocho: My phone is too shit to run Hesokuri Wars without endless crashing

Fhujeth: we should find a chat program that works on your phone Chocho: It's like shell shock Chocho: I don't think any will, it's just not powerful enough to be any more than a call and text thing

I don’t think I really need to add to this - the proof is clear enough for me.

Fhujeth also told me this, bringing another person into the issue with Chocho and commissioning:

Cathie had her own experiences with Dexts (commissions being rushed/made poorly).

Like she'd pay 100 for a drawing that was not nearly up to par for what Domatsu usually did. That was one thing she told me

This is Chocho’s response to this claim along with logs to back it up:

Chocho: And Jussy knows I plan to finish hers when it's cooler Fhujeth: Totty: Choromatsu-Niisan is the kind of person who wears..... like... the pads on the elbos and all Chocho: It's okay if I fuck up a background, it's not okay if I fuck up paid art

[The background in this chatlog was regarding the backgrounds I used to draw for domatsus blog updates. All of the art I have ever done on commission for anybody, ever, including Fhujeth themself, was to the best of my ability at the time. I promise that completely, I have no desire to "half-arse" anything. I have no idea where Cathie got the idea that I didn't draw pictures up to par of my others at the time? I always tried my very best... =/ If Cathie said that at all, I wouldn't know! But I honestly had no idea she felt that way.]

Chocho: I don't want to cop out on the story Chocho: That's why it's pissing me off so fucking much Fhujeth: Rush it? Chocho: no Chocho: Absolutely not Chocho: Quality or bust Fhujeth: i mean it's good and i can help you make sure it's in character Chocho: I've got a good reputation I don't want to fuck it up by coughing up half arsed shit onto the blog Chocho: Yeah, it's a matter of pride, but also a matter of respect for my fans

Fhujeth: It's nice to have stuff made by friends! I liked the figure i had from my friend but i was bummed when i realized she made it shitty on purpose ;.; Chocho: did they really though? Fhujeth: I'm 99& sure. Fhujeth: %^ Chocho: i have more respect for myself than to do that Fhujeth: They're those kind of people.

chochomatsu i have far too much respect for my works to do anything less than my best i wouldn't want to crap out a shitty item chochomatsu i never like asking anybody for money

Fhujeth: Apparently I illustrated a book... and it's coming out soonish..... *halfassed all the art they accepted it and took it my mind is blown, all it is I think they changed the cover*

Doesn’t look like Chocho is the one that “halfassed” art for other people. Art is, of course, subjective... but as long as the person drawing it does so to the best of their current ability and with as much effort as they can spend on it, that’s just fine.

An extra note from me... I saw this in the logs I was given and thought it worth mentioning (because it’s just... not right).

Fhujeth: So for a picture I might charge 25 for I charge 50 for to someone who I knew made 6 figures a year and wanted --- KND operatives Chocho: I think my biggest deal is asking for money full stop

Fhujeth is charging higher prices to people who she knows to have more money. I don’t recall rich people walking into a store and having to pay more because they’re rich. This isn’t a variable income tax system.

The Plush

Still regarding commissions and money in reality, Fhujeth told me about trying to commission Chocho for a custom Matsu plush. This is part of what Fhujeth said to me:

She made a Karamatsu plush and it had messy hair, he was supposed to be from her blog. I didn't like the hair but the plush the rest of it came out great. I told her the honest truth about it. Later she made a Choromatsu plush and I LOVED IT and I kept saying how I wanted to commission her for one and she kept holding the thing I said like 4 months prior about the one's hair against me?

We were friends so I wanted to give her my honest answer when she asked what I thought. The rest of the plush was fine but the hair just looked really off on it. She made the Posing Karamatsu too which I loved as well! I really liked the pattern she made for the Choro one but a lot. A LOT of drama would constantly ensue whenever I said, "hey I wanna commission you for one."

I wasn’t at all sure what the real problem was here or why it was brought up with regards to Chocho being an “abuser”. When I asked Chocho about this one it took a long time to explain.

[Ok... this is a complex one that needs a LOT of backstory to explain... so... I can make plush, but I can't make them EASILY because I don't have a sewing or embroidery machine. Everything I do on a plush has to be done by hand using a needle and thread. That includes the face embroidery/embroidery anywhere else. This takes hours and can mess up my hands/fingers because of repeated pressure of a thin, metal stick pressing into them (also because pushing the embroidery needle through multiple layers of fabric and embroidery REALLY hurts. @_@ And you can stab yourself all too easily. I don't like doing it really so try to avoid it and don't take any commissions unless they are specifically for friends. Fhu knew about the faces and embroidery, so she knew it was a hard and painful activity before she even started pressing for a Totty plush later on.]

Chocho: I have a question Fhujeth: sure :3 Chocho: If I were to make Karamatsu plush, should I make it chibi like the official ones or proportional Fhujeth: that would depend on if you want it to be proportional or chibi :O Fhujeth: why not both Chocho: Because it takes a long time to hand embroider the faces. XD Chocho: And I'm limited on fabric. =( Fhujeth: you hand embroider? wooow Chocho: Yeah! Fhujeth: woow that looks like it would take forever Chocho: It does. @_@ Chocho: And it hurts. XD Fhujeth: that is some dedication Chocho: It's the only way I can do it. =( Chocho: Which is why I only do plush commissions for friends. XD Fhujeth: well, otherwise it'd be a lot

[Eventually, I felt like Fhujeth was a close enough friend to me for me to want to make her a plush. So I offered that I could potentially trade some merch for a small, custom demon Todomatsu plush. I was instantly made uneasy by how it all became about "how much are you going to charge me?". What was simply a "maybe you'd like something made by a friend?" had suddenly turned into a hyper-serious TRANSACTION. I was basically put on the spot to give a price for something that I hadn't even planned yet, I wasn't even suggesting actual money, just a merch trade. That felt like pressure and I was a bit unnerved, but I shook it off.]

Chocho: Hey.. I have an idea/proposition Fhujeth: Go oooooon :O Chocho: Would you be willing to take payment for some thing in the form of a tiny demon Totty plush? Chocho: *some things Fhujeth: :O payment for like what, and PROBABLY x3 just what I have here or? like the kara head/buttons? Since I think we're about even on the auction lot Chocho: I think we're about even on the auction, yeah! =D And I dunno, yeah, the merch you get in Japan I guess, yes! XD Chocho: I'm not sure how big he'd be since things always come out bigger than I expect... Chocho: But he'd be custom cos he'd be demon Totty Fhujeth: i'll be buying more blind bags of stuff :O so I can just keep you updated. Yeah @-@ Chocho: I'd have to make a new pattern. XD I can't use Karamatsu's because he is MASSIVE Chocho: Okay! =D Chocho: How much would you be willing to pay for the plush anyways? @.@ If he came out to be about 12-15cm? Fhujeth: What are you charging o_o Chocho: I was gonna make him keychain sized? But I just know he'll end up bigger. B/ Chocho: I dunno because I've never really done it before. Chocho: Well, I've made things for John on commission but yeah Chocho: I know the cost of fabrics and time and pain Fhujeth: Like, how many hours would it HYPOTHETICALLY TAKE Chocho: But that doesn't line up to what people expect to pay so Chocho: Well Chocho: How long do patterns take. =_= Hmm... a few hours Chocho: Making plush can take... over a week Chocho: (It's usually way longer to be honest, but they're usually bigger( Fhujeth: I'm not sure o_o I'd like it but my budget is only as big as what I have ATM. Kara head is 35 + the buttons is 9 (minus one from the doodle just now) Chocho: Watch him end up being half the size of Karamatsu instead of 12-15cm Chocho: We can wait and see! Fhujeth: And as I get more stuff I'll figure things out o_o I'm bad with plush prices. Chocho: It was just an idea. XD Fhujeth: I am interested! And yeah! Fhujeth: If you can give me a number it'd be better!! and you should put a dog squaeky inside it o_O so it makes some sound, if you can, I think you can get that from like... a cheap store and take out of dog toy.... ?? which I can pay for? AHHHH, let's wait till I figure things out but assume right now we're at 42 dollars or something Chocho: Hahaha! XD That's a good idea on the squeaker! Chocho: Yeah, we'll keep it in mind! =D Chocho: (Also gotta remember the face embroidery) Fhujeth: Yeah x.,x Chocho: I wish I had a machine for that. =(

[The idea of the plush stuck around though]

Chocho: I'm really concerned about this plush Fhujeth: Aww don't worry about it too much. Fhujeth: I am not that picky if love is involved. Chocho: Yeah, but you don't want him to be hideous Chocho: I also worry about the quality of the embroidery Chocho: Because I'm not a machine Fhujeth: oh I am not picky on that I will know it is hand made. as long as it wont fall apart. Chocho: It shouldn't fall apart Chocho: But it might be ugly Fhujeth: I got a sculpture from sone, I showed them the example of what I wanted, I showed them a turn around, the got the proportions all wrong Fhujeth: you wont be that bad. Fhujeth: I still kept the loved the sculture Fhujeth: scupture Chocho: Kept the sculpture? Fhujeth: I kept it and loved it^ Chocho: What sculpture? Fhujeth: it was of my knd oc Fhujeth: i commissioned her because i thought she'd do really good Chocho: Was it not so good then? =< Fhujeth: i was disappointed greatly Fhujeth: but said nothing Chocho: Aww.. =( Chocho: I'm sorry about that Chocho: That's what I'm worried about

Fhujeth: I've commissioned some original stuff of my characters and came out really bad, in fact one I think got made bad on purpose.... Fhujeth: But I loved it anyways until one day the head came off because they didn't bake it enough... like the wire just split through the head >< I wanted them to fix it but I moved by then so it's at my dads so it wouldn't break more Fhujeth: And I'll be honest on a technical level and for that person's skill it was atrocious and when I first saw it I felt kind of bothered... Fhujeth: But I thought maybe it wasn't like that on purpose and they did it the best they could so I put it with all my other stuff of that OC

There was a weird situation building up here from what I could tell. Fhujeth wanted a quality plush which is fair enough, and Chocho doubted her ability to match the requirements. Fhujeth saying that they’ve commissioned other people and been disappointed with the result in the past was obviously furthering the doubt from Chocho that the requirements could be fulfilled. Claiming that a past commission had been done badly on purpose was, to me, a step too far. There doesn’t seem to be any proof of that here and presenting that thought to Chocho inevitably heightened the concern about being able to satisfy Fhujeth even further. I know for sure that if someone commissioned me for anything creative and was mentioning past commissions in this sense I would lose all confidence in my ability.

[The concept of a "demon Totty" plush had become a thing and was on our er.... list of things I owe in trade for merch? No merch traded hands though, I liked to pay for them first... but Fhujeth would "put things aside" on the "plush list", though not everything applied. In any case, I eventually decided to try and make a small Karamatsu plush as a test, since Fhujeth didn't like the risk of me making her a plush without seeing the pattern first. I was a little unsure about him, his hoodie kind of pinched his neck because I'd made the opening too small and his hair was VERY fluffy because of the fur I'd used for it. I felt concerned about him, especially since Fhujeth had now set this very high bar in my mind, what with being so money concerned, telling me about how she was certain her friend intentionally made her a bad commission sculpture to spite her and that she was VERY disappointed in the result, but didn't say anything... also with the idea that she didn't want to risk me making it without proving she'd like the pattern first.]

Chocho: Progress Fhujeth: aww that looks adorable! Chocho: NOT WHEN HE HAS A HEAD Chocho: I just placed it there Chocho: I used the long pile fur so it would NOT be that messy if I had used the minky Chocho: OH WELL Chocho: Whatever Chocho: I'm only finishing this really because it'd be a waste of embroidery otherwise. XD Fhujeth: give him bandages Fhujeth: have big Kara care for poor injured baby scruffy kara Chocho: It this particular one worth the effort? Chocho: "He looks retarded because he fell off the roof" Fhujeth: xDDDD Chocho: I guess he's not THAT bad Chocho: but eh Chocho: I don't think he's worth $ Chocho: maybe if the hair was shorter fur but I dunno, can't really tell that because it's not Fhujeth: haircut? Chocho: Nah Chocho: Because once it's cut it can't come back Chocho: And if I fuck it up that's it fucked up further for good! Chocho: But yeah, I don't think I can make you a Totty. @_@ I'm sorry Fhujeth: it is ok ^-^ Chocho: I didn't think you'd like it! XD Fhujeth: you don't seem confident :3 Fhujeth: so it is ok! Chocho: You don't seem to like how he looks anyway though. XD Fhujeth: it's hard to tell with the hair tbh Chocho: It's overall pretty shitty, huh? Fhujeth: Nooo! Fhujeth: The body for sure looks great Chocho: But the most important part is the head Fhujeth: the face is good too! Fhujeth: but the hair is very... wild Chocho: Really? I thought the face looked bad... Well yeah, I used craft fur, minky is like what you have on the keychain plush Chocho: Look at the length on big Karamatsu compared to little here Fhujeth: yeah! that is a hugeee difference Chocho: Yeah

[The small Karamatsu plush's hair kept coming up, even though I had explained that I used a different fur than what I would use for hers....]

Chocho: Be honest, do you want a chibi body like the keychain plush, or a to scale one Fhujeth: whichever you as the artist want. What do you personally thing might look better Chocho: The body pattern I have looks more to scale Fhujeth: I do like the chibi body but a real body, if it translates well, the bunny I got, did you see how it is... Fhujeth: it's like 2.5 heads tall Fhujeth: how is that like... that is ok too... Fhujeth: 3 heads tall Fhujeth: ok Fhujeth: 2 heads ehh Chocho: XD Chocho: I dunno Fhujeth: I like the height of the karamatsu plush but yeah his head (and hair) bugged me Fhujeth: we talk little the big one is fine Chocho: Well, I told you that his hair was not the same fabric. =P Fhujeth: yeah! Chocho: I used craft fur, not minky, cos I wanted it messy Chocho: But yeah, seriously though, no promises Chocho: I've seen a ton of cute plush and I don't think I'm cut out for it Chocho: To be honest, I knew you didn't like it as soon as you said you didn't know if you wanted to trade for it yet Fhujeth: brb my mom got me Chocho: Ok! Chocho: I think for now, it's best to assume I won't be able to do this, ok? The plush. Chocho: To be honest, to make one to the proportions of cute bunny Totty would involve me remaking the pattern all over again, not just the head. And that involves making the clothes patterns again too. It's a lot of effort that to be honest I don't think I'm willing to put in. Chocho: The effort and time to make ANOTHER pattern (especially if it just fails again), considering that I've already made 2 Matsu patterns already, not that one of them was with Totty in mind, but nonetheless... if more time, effort and stress than I think you'd be willing to trade for Chocho: *is Fhujeth: oh the bunny totty is bleg Fhujeth: I like your big karamatsu Fhujeth: bug maybe half the size Fhujeth: but^ Chocho: That would still be making a whole new pattern. u_u And I thought the Bunny Totty was really nice. =( Fhujeth: not just a resize Chocho: The way that big Karamatsu's head is done makes it hard to resize. =( Chocho: Besiiiides Chocho: I'm sure you wouldn't like the nasty darts I had to put in to make his hair work... Chocho: Also, his head flops cos it's heavy, you don't want it Chocho: It's too hot to work on anything plush now anyway. Because I don't have a machine, all the sweat that the hot, muggy weather causes will soak right into the fabric. Which is disgusting. So I avoid it... I also think if I had a machine that would do the face for me in a matter of minutes, it wouldn't be a problem... but I don't.. so every failure is a lot of wasted time and pain and suffering. All in all... I don't think I could make you something you wouldn't be disappointed with. =( Chocho: And not because I think you would rip into it, but because I don't think I have the skills Chocho: Anyways, I better get to bed! G'night! I'll catch you tomorrow! Fhujeth: nooo Fhujeth: i haD TO EAY Fhujeth: eat Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: so soon Fhujeth: to when I came back Fhujeth: i was gonna confess eerything to you Chocho: Confess? Chocho: I only send the message a minute ago. XD Fhujeth: AHH YOU ARE HERE MY FRIEND <3 Fhujeth: Yeah but a minute, less than you can walk away Chocho: But really, I do need to go after I've taken my meds, Kirk has to get up early Fhujeth: I love you, I am glad I met you. before we fuss, let me clarify things hsould we get into an argument Chocho: It's probably best we do this tomorrow so I can sleep. XD;;; Fhujeth: please, when we end a day in a huff and you show up not the next day it hurts so bad Chocho: As in, if it takes a negative turn, I can never sleep and Kirk's health tomorrow depends on me sleeping Fhujeth: Affirmative, be well, sleep well. Fhujeth: It was more detailed, that was a summary. Chocho: I didn't think we were arguing or having a huff today. '3' Fhujeth: not today! just anytime~ Fhujeth: like the other day Chocho: I was just expressing that I don't think I'm fit for purpose!

Which way round is this? Fhujeth claimed to me that Chocho was the one that brought up the hair thing and held it against Fhujeth. These chatlogs suggest it’s the other way around; Fhujeth really didn’t like whatever had been done with this other plush’s hair and was holding it over Chocho’s head whenever the idea of the Totty plush commission was discussed.

[I started to pay off the stuff we had on the "Totty plush list" from what I remember, since my first attempt had been not good enough. Fhujeth still wanted a Totty Plush though so that was still in the air. Then there was a set of limited edition... uhhh... lottery official plush I think it was? Of the Matsus in the "I <3 Toto" outfits released. I managed to get the Choro through my friend in Japan and I wanted the Kara (of course) but he was nowhere to be seen. Eventually one popped up on Yahoo Auctions!, but he was expensive, I couldn't afford him. Fhujeth mentioned she wanted it, but would feel bad if she got it (and I didn't), so I figured I'd offer, if she was willing to grab the plush and hold it, I could trade it for the Totty plush (if I could do it to her standards), otherwise she could keep the plush for herself without guilt, or sell the plush off for profit or something since it's limited edition and the value will only go up. She didn't want to "RISK" it, which made me incredibly upset since she, by this point, had repeatedly insisted/hinted that I wouldn't do a job good enough for her to accept and it was getting quite insulting. Why did she keep saying these things, yet keep asking for the plush? =/;]

Chocho: I really want that but it's out of my reach Fhujeth: I like it but I'd feel bad if I got it Chocho: Would you trade me it for a demon Totty plush? Fhujeth: You mean like I buy it, keep it in the package and all and if you design a plush I like we trade or is it I buy it expecting we trade? Because in one regard that is alot of pressure because One I see done, already, the other I don't... so... and then if you make it and there is some issue then I'll feel so bad and obligated to say yes anyways. Like what are you thinking o.x Fhujeth: I mean Fhujeth: what are you thinking/what is your idea Chocho: Yeah. I'd trade you that Karamatsu straight for a demon Totty plush and we would make sure it's a pattern you like. Chocho: Nah, never mind, it was just a thought Fhujeth: Isn't that a lot of work for a plush like that? Chocho: It is Fhujeth: I'm willing to take the risk I guess... I hate calling it a risk but... In the end I guess my biggest fear is you present me with something and I dislike it and then we end in a problem. I'm not picky but my last few non-drawn commissions from people have been all crap. Fhujeth: Not saying you'd do that! Fhujeth: I'm just saying it's like I pay for something and it breaks. Fhujeth: Not that a plush can break, and yours look like good quality. Chocho: You think my plush would fall apart? Chocho: If you think it's too much of a risk don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No, no. Fhujeth: Do you prefer me not expressing just my thoughts outloud? Chocho: I think it's kind of insulting you think that doing a trade with me is a huge risk and you'll probably get something you'll hate... Chocho: But it's fine, don't worry about it! Fhujeth: No that's not my concern! See now I feel guilty ^^;; Chocho: I'd prefer not to do all the work of making a pattern and plush and the face embroidery for one plush anyway Fhujeth: I'll do the trade if that is what you want to do. Chocho: Because it IS a lot of work, effort and, since you seem to think I'd fuck up, heartache for a $55 plush +fees and postage Fhujeth: It's not that I don't trust you I just always jump to the worst conclusions. Fhujeth: Chances are the plush is going to be super cute and awesome. Chocho: I don't really want to make a plush for somebody who thinks I'm going to churn out junk... that is WAY too much pressure Fhujeth: I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me.... Fhujeth: ..but maybe I am misreading it. Chocho: Not really, I just feel hurt that every time I mention making a plush you make it sound like I'm going to make an ugly piece of crap Chocho: You are the only one who has ever repeatedly made me feel like I churn out shit plush... Fhujeth: I really want a plush from you! Fhujeth: I'm just really nervous to buy plush, always. Chocho: I don't want to make a plush for you because you don't trust I can do it Chocho: It's fine, I don't need to spend another $55+ anyway really!! Chocho: And plush take weeks Fhujeth: I do really want a plush from you. Fhujeth; I am patient and in no rush. Chocho: What if I can't make something you like? Fhujeth: You'll make something I like. I'm sorry for instilling fear in you. Chocho: Would you sell it to me in commissions of other kinds or for tutoring/red lining/whatever as long as it's not something I can't teach? Chocho: Or would you just keep it you think? Fhujeth: I want a demon totty plush or I'll keep him, probably... unless there is more art I need i the future. Just take your time. I'm sure whatever you do will be great. I didn't mean to make you feel scared or pressured. I'm just scared of things but yeah...

Wait... what? Fhujeth says here “I feel like you're trying to guilt trip me....” but this whole chatlog continues to read like Fhujeth is almost threatening Chocho that they must get things right if the work is to go ahead. It’s plenty obvious that Fhujeth really wanted a custom plush from Chocho... but at the same time injecting incredible levels of fear and doubt about whether she trusted Chocho to do a good job. I don’t really know why this was the case but I know for sure that if I was in this situation I’d simply say “No, sorry, I can’t do this for you” and refuse the job. Fhujeth obviously couldn’t take this for an answer, though.

[A little while later, I offered to pay off the Karamatsu plush straight and not trade him for the plush so that Fhujeth could have the money since she needed the funds. Fhujeth still wanted the plush though, even though I wasn't sure if I could do it, so it continued...]

Fhujeth: Hey Chocho: Hi! Chocho: I have a proposal for you... Chocho: How much was the postage to get Totty and Kara idols to you? Fhujeth: For both? Well I put them in with some other stuff remember? Chocho: What would be my percentage of it? Fhujeth: Well just the Kara right? o.o Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: Let me look ;o Chocho: OK! Fhujeth: sorry if eel reallyyy shitty Fhujeth: if you saw my tumblr messages Fhujeth: my mom poisoned me Fhujeth: in short so you don't have to read Chocho: I did and that's why I'm asking this Fhujeth: Okay so he alone was 5500 + Buyee fee 150 + Yahoo Fee 200 + Domest Shiiping Fhujeth: not going to charge for consolidation Fhujeth: it was 3700 yen for all 5 items to be shipped....... the 700 is fine I'll do the other 3000 of that Fhujeth: 5500+ 350 + 1112+ 700 Chocho: Ok! Would you be willing to post him to Kaji too? Fhujeth: Yeah, when I get that other Karamatsu eventually. Chocho: If so, I'll pay you for him flat out (if I can afford to after I've paid Kazuki) so that you can put that money towards getting away from that mother that's trying to kill you. $75.57 he comes to Fhujeth: No, no, no. I want the plush from you. Chocho: We can do the plush later, you need the money more right now

[Eventually I tried again at a pattern, this time a little bigger in a rag doll style with floppy limbs. When I started making the pattern I was already on edge because of the high feeling of pressure, especially since I never know if a pattern is going to work when I first make it. When I had actually put him together, I was really quite disappointed. I felt that I had messed up his body, it was too much like a cylinder and I felt I hadn't tapered him enough to his shoulders so he looked boxy. His eyes also came out wonky (one iris/pupil a little higher than the other...) which I had no idea how had happened since it was straight in the hoop as far as I was aware. I was just incapable of seeing the plush in a good light, I felt like I hadn't hit the standard I was desperately hoping for and I felt the plush was a failure.]

Chocho: he's also naked because i don't have his clothes fabric yet Chocho: yeah i did, but he hasn't turned up in the house yet Fhujeth: Can I see nakey choro? Chocho: i'd rather not... it's... really bad Fhujeth: *it's cool if not* Fhujeth: That's fine! Chocho: i'm just going to make him my hug buddy Fhujeth: I'm sure he's not that bad! Fhujeth: I have Present Jyushi and the one time he showed up I did not be there to pet him Chocho: you thought little karamatsu was bad, this one's not much better Chocho: which sucks because it wasn't easy to make Fhujeth: I did notthink he was bad o.o Chocho: you said you didn't like him, especially his face [<- this here, unless I missed one of the logs, was a mistake on my part. Unless Fhujeth restated at some point that his face was bad too, but I don't remember specifically] Fhujeth: I think the hair through it off for me Chocho: i used craft fur on that one instead of minky Chocho: i did say that... Chocho: craft fur is lower quality and longer pile, but i wanted it to be messy Fhujeth: Yeah, but it made an illusion for me! I think if I saw him in person it'd be different for sure! I am sure it looks great (Choro)

[In the end, after I broke away from Fhujeth and gave my Chocho some clothes, I ended up falling in love with him. The clothes nicely hid the fact that his torso is a tube... XD;;; And I don't notice the eyes now, even though I know they're dorpy. I also don't have that whole pressure over my head to perform any more... So yeah.... this entire thing went WAY past the whole messy hair plush thing... it was the constant being threatened that I better do a good job and the whole air that commissioning/trading me a plush was a "risk" to her and her high set standards etc. had left me feeling hypercritical of all my attempts and feeling at a complete loss. She brought up the hair repeatedly in regards to that one, small, plush. But there were other factors too that made me absolutely want to back out, but I felt too scared to say "sorry, no... I'm not going to make this" because it had gone on so long.]

It’s definitely Fhujeth that brought up the hair issue on multiple occasions, despite using this as part of the “abuser” argument in my conversation with her. There is some context here I’m not 100% sure of but it’s more than obvious that there was a lot of injected pressure from Fhujeth regarding this commission over a period of time. There is no reason for me to believe that this was Chocho being abusive in any way.

The Fat/Slob-love situation

In my conversation with Fhujeth, the subject turned to a claim that Chocho had a thing for “slobbing up characters” which made Fhujeth uncomfortable. This is what was said to me by Fhujeth:

I lost a lot of faith and trust in having close friends because of the way they would make me feel bad if I didn't do something for them or if I mentioned that some of what they drew made me uncomfortable. (example; the drawing in reference to that chat was uhh, Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob)."

"It was more that that was all she drew. I draw some weird stuff but it's never consistent. As you can tell she has some sorta thing for slobbing up characters based on our roleplays and private interactions and literally most of Domatsu and Chochomatsu blogs being.... slob. Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

This again had me confused... I couldn’t see where the “abuse” actually came into this. I mean, fair enough, some people find certain things uncomfortable and if that is stated to the person they believe to be making them uneasy with certain types of content, they should speak up and let them know - especially if it is in a one-to-one conversation between friends.

I obviously asked Chocho about this situation and this is the explanation I got:

[See, the fat thing is funny because it was FHUJETH that kept bringing it up. We'd be talking about something completely different, or roleplaying normally and she'd bring the subject in. She KNEW I didn't like it, I said multiple times that it made me uncomfortable, but she just wouldn't stop. I kind of wondered if she was trying to push "desensitisation" of something I don't like on me. And that bit where she said that picture of Choromatsu made her uncomfortable? That's funny too because she sent me this in one of her post-parting ways e-mails;

"There is a common reoccurring theme with your art that screams "slob love" the baggy eyes, messy hair, beer belly/guy, five o'clock shadow. It's okay to like that and I never thought it was gross even though I was well aware you were into that way before we stopped being friends. I never judged you for that because I mean, I'm a fetish artist, lol."

Also, it wasn't ME who drew obese Matsus... that was Fhujeth, I still have some pics she sent me, here.]

For the record, the image Fhujeth was referring to (”Choromatsu, aged 30s where she gave him messy hair as his hair was thinning, laying shirtless on a green arm chair, his gut hanging out, and he looked like a slob”) is this one:

That, to me... isn’t what it was dramatized to be. Dad bod, anyone? “gut hanging out”? Er, nah... if that picture makes Choromatsu out to be a fat slob I really need to sort my life out!! And that arm chair isn't green...(??)

Also, salarymatsu.tumblr.com is publicly visible and the reference for his hair was from canon material (kun).

This is the Osomatsu-kun reference Chocho used for the hair:

It was Ichimatsu with the messy hair (the one with the glasses, last panel)... but this is real canon stuff about the Matsus being 30 years older than their kun age. It’s a bit of a running joke in the series that Choromatsu becomes bald but there’s absolutely nothing here to suggest a “slob” kink.

[Also, she was ALWAYS talking about fetishes. So, so often, more so than anybody I have ever met before. EVERYTHING was(/is?) a fetish to her!]

Fhujeth: The only cartoon network shows that I can argue had any kink content in them was Uncle Grandpa and Kids Next Door and the latter the director told me it didn't.

Fhujeth: Tuttle I think he gets depression after his wife dies and becomes a blob... I really like that video. XD Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;; Fhujeth: Anyways yes I wanted to share that with you since we talk of kinks a lot and that song is one of my favourite things seth macfarlane's done Chocho: It's not like I choose to talk about kinks! XD Fhujeth: But we do!

Fhujeth: How... how close to "stuffing" should I get before too much is too much because I am not very good at drawing the line between kink and not kink because I have done kink artwork and am 100% desensitized to it

[Another interesting piece of chatlog from Fhujeth is...;]

Fhujeth: I like stupid drunk losers tht are slobs

Fhujeth: Ahh ok! But I like fat slob loser characters a lot, idk why they appeal to me greatly... especially ones that are unaware of how lame they are

Wait... you what?? Fhujeth was blaming Chocho for being into this as a kink and using it in her argument as to why Chocho was an abuser. This is evidence that it was in fact THE OTHER WAY ROUND and the accusation is blatant projection. I don’t get it - why use this as an argument when it’s an obvious lie?? Like I said earlier, if something makes someone uncomfortable, they should speak up. But as proven in the chatlogs it was in fact Fhujeth that liked “fat slob loser characters a lot” or “stupid drunk losers that are slobs”.

There was a LOT more chatlog suggesting Fhujeth liked to bring up fat in random conversations that were, in general, unrelated.

Chocho: Why does Karamatsu go around with his arms crossed in those clothes Chocho: Only in those Chocho: There seems to be no reason Fhujeth: Karamatsu: *feels fat* Totty: OF ALL THE CLOTHES*

Fhujeth: originally a black and white character, is just a fat pig now Fhujeth: Btw this show if you never saw it is brilliant Chocho: Ichimatsu: Actually Todomatsu then Fhujeth: Totty: :// IIRC: She is even depicted as super fat and can't fit into things and like eats an entire car. I feel like there was an episode she gets stuck somewhere from being so fat and she can't get outside to a food mobile that comes every rare time. Chocho: She doesn't look that fat! XD; Fhujeth: They change it for the show, it's very.... cartoonish Chocho: Ahhh okay! Fhujeth: Like, at certain times they make her fatter

Fhujeth:XDD Totty: I'l commission you - Draw Karamatsu really fat and ugly.... and then make his head normal... you know Chocho: XD Fhujeth: Totty, wait, he already is like that Chocho: Karamatsu: ... 8( Totty!

Fhujeth: dayon has a big head. Chocho: XD Chocho: yes Chocho: DAYOOOOOOOOON Fhujeth: and on a perspective level that person is tall Fhujeth: and the one in green is tall Chocho: Yes. XD Chocho: Well, I still think the Matsus are short Fhujeth: they were tall as kids Fhujeth: at least in 66 kun Fhujeth: xD they look like giants Chocho: I love that bit before that though, where they call Karamatsu an idiot and he's all hurt Chocho: XD Chocho: Yeah, but in 66 kun they change height all the time. XD; Fhujeth: "I'm not an idiot" :( Chocho: Karamatsu: *wiggly mouth* Fhujeth: i bought those tickets because i care Chocho: And all the merch. XD Chocho: .... something weird goes on with his body here.. Chocho: ???? Fhujeth: Totty: It's the fat inside him Chocho: XD Chocho: It just couldn't take being called an idiot Fhujeth: THE FUCK DID HE SAY JUST NOW Chocho: XD Chocho: "How so"????

Fhujeth: Totty: Hah, if Choromatsu Niisan wants to do that then I'll go to his stinky idol club and make a fool of himself in front of nyaachan. Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: Yeah, exactly Chocho: Feel free to get Totty to get Chocho's dick out in front of Nyaa-chan Chocho: And do whatever with it! Fhujeth: So he sneaks back stage using his "Totty Charisma Charm" and makes a fool of himself. OK! Yeah! This is fun :D Chocho: That doesn't involve a knife or irreperable damage, hahaha Yeah Fhujeth: it was an ideaaaaa ;.; Chocho: Totty can do things like join Nyaachan and idol fansites and post dick pics and nudes Chocho: No no, I mean, you can do dick things. XD Chocho: Just not involving knives Fhujeth: Totty: I AM CHOROMATSU MATSUNO I AM A REAL FAT OTAKU WITH NO PRIDE. I HAVE TWELVE BROTHERS SO IF YOU SEE A GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE ME ITS TOTALLY NOT ME BECAUSE I AM GROSS AND NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE EXCEPT TO GO TO IDOL SHOWS :>

[This particular chatlog was about a "bodyswap" event we were going to do between Chochomatsu and Totally-Totty where the two (in each others bodies) go off to try and ruin each other's reputation.]

Chocho: Choromatsu's muttering that he'd like some boobies wrapped around him Chocho: Preferably belonging to Totoko and Nyaa-chan Chocho: Because he's scared of everybody else Fhujeth: Kara's man boobs Fhujeth: jk Chocho: I think that's something that people don't tend to realise with these guys... Or at least Karamatsu, Choromatsu and Ichimatsu... Chocho: They're virgins... they're nerds and they're (deep down) introverted... they're scared of girls.. they're gagging for it, but they don't know what they're doing and it's been so long that when a girl DOES approach them, they panic Chocho: Jyushimatsu's too 8D to be bothered by it I think... Totty's practised with being around girls and Osomatsu is just... XD Chocho: But the other 3 don't have a clue what they're doing Chocho: Karamatsu acts like he's this hot piece of meat, but as soon as he actually potentially gets a date

["Kara's man boobs" was, of course, not in regards to ANYTHING we had been talking about. I ignored it.]

Chocho: Besides how weird that is Chocho: Lice prefer clean hair. Apparently. Not that Ichimatsu's hair wouldn't be clean, it's not even that messy Fhujeth: what a werid ask Chocho: Right? Chocho: *picks nose* Fhujeth: xD Fhujeth: ughhh Fhujeth: Totty: Ok, when I say Kara is fat he's not Chubby. -.- Chocho: Ichimatsu: What's the difference Fhujeth: Totty: He's.... fat... *does motion like pregnant*

[The "weird ask" "lice" part was in regards to an ask Chocho got mentioning about how anon was concerned that Ichimatsu would have lice because of his hair. I answered that one fairly close to the end of when I was interested in working on the blog if you really want to see it. The fat comment wasn't in regards to anything that we had been talking about.]

Chocho: This is actually a redraw of something from 2002/3 Fhujeth: Are those all saying he needs to lose weight? Chocho: No. XD Fhujeth: Oh

Fhujeth: Yeah! "Karamatsu Tax" Totty: He's so fat he has to be charged mroe to be drawn.

[This was in a conversation about somebody young who wanted to commission me, but had no money, who had been passed my details by somebody who had no idea that they couldn't afford to commission anybody. I had a waiting list for domatsu commissions at that point, so I couldn't warrant doing anybody artwork for free in that style (I didn't even have time to draw art for myself!) but the person wasn't taking no for an answer. Just before going to pressure the person who gave the young person a recommendation to come to me, Fhujeth said this. I won't share the rest of the log, because it has details (names/urls) about the young person and the person who pointed them in my direction. It was a misunderstanding from their part, so it's not fair to and I won't put them on the spot. This just had nothing to do with the subject.]

Chocho: ah, they're around Fhujeth: AHH Fhujeth: I'll try to see if choromatsu becomes available Fhujeth: i need Fhujeth: tots Chocho: ded Fhujeth: No sign of Pink Legless man yet! The only way he could lose that weight was cutting it off :( Chocho: who totty? Chocho: i take it the idea of that machine is to push kara off the platform? Fhujeth: Yeah! Chocho: however that is don Chocho: e Fhujeth: just.... poke at hit until his fatass falls off... probablly.... seeing if you can scoop it otherwise just start at one end and try to push it in one direction then flip to the other end x.x it looks money consuming Chocho: there is only one claw Fhujeth: Yeah I mean by one side being his butt and then head Chocho: i see Chocho: i don't care for that one anyway, i only want choros

[This was about that online crane game you can win real prizes from, Toreba I think? Fhujeth was talking about the available prizes and how to win them.]

Chocho: choro's the rude one? Fhujeth: XD No. Totty knows he was wrong, he feels really bad. I think he'll get flung back and remain there like, "X.x" and then when he comes to try to "make it up" to his big brother whether it be getting in the way or mentioning that his brother has some issues with his shirt Fhujeth: or fat

[wait what]

What indeed... why is fat being randomly brought up as a subject in the middle of conversations so much if Fhujeth knew Chocho didn’t like it? If I know one of my friends doesn’t like something I don’t try to constantly push it in their face. This, to me, is an example of abuse in the opposite direction to what Fhujeth is claiming.

Fhujeth: My mom LOVES to watch the fat people shows like about the people so fat that they are like nothing but blobs and then they lose the weight

Fhujeth: Totty: EHHH? *huff* I.... I don't care either. Fhujeth: TottY: I DON'T CARE! (almost wrote cake) Chocho: chocho: sure! Fhujeth: Totty: To prove I don't care I will wear this fatsuit. Chocho: chocho: go on then Chocho: chocho: post photos of you in it to twitter too

Fhujeth: Jyushimatsurepliez took the leaf off Totty and now Totty is a Tanuki I'ma draw him kinda fat but not with big balls Fhujeth: But fat animals are not gross like people

Fhujeth: Finally Totty is fat xD

[By the last month this was what MOST of the conversations were about, it always went back to fat, not because I wanted it to. Where my text is lower case, it's because I was fucking done, I was so sick of this topic, the only way I could bounce it back was using humour.]

I would be fucking done by this point too. If someone I thought was a friend was constantly throwing a subject I didn’t like at me, despite me saying I didn’t like it and I don’t want to talk about it, I’d be seriously pissed off.

Fhujeth: I really like Choro! Actually that was one I paid for too today was the idol choro mascot plush, I wonder if he'll be fat Fhujeth: I'll get him in a few days! Fhujeth: And hopefully he'll... be skinny. Fhujeth: but if he is fat he is ffat Fhujeth: Then we know. Fhujeth: But if he is skinny then you were blessed. Chocho: "blessed"

[This was out of nowhere too. For context with that plush, I ordered a Choromatsu from the second set of the first plush (I think?) that were available? It's the small keychain "mascot" where Choromatsu is in the green flannel shirt with glowsticks and a bandana. When mine came, he was overstuffed which made his face look... wide... I was somewhat upset because he was nowhere near what the first one looked like, I wanted one that looked like the one from the first set. Apparently by getting a "fat" Choro, I was "blessed".]

In my conversation with Fhujeth, she claimed this:

Our RPs were all about humiliation and Choromatsu being a fat drunk gross slob. It wasn't an occasional thing, it was an all the time thing.

Chocho gave me this chatlog to explain that the topic was, again, brought into the roleplay by Fhujeth - not the other way round:

Fhujeth: Totty: All old people have hard candy in their pockets, Choromatsu-niisan... It helps them remember what it's like to feel teeth. Chocho: chocho: no idea what you're talking about Fhujeth: Totty: *finds one* Ewww, it's sticky... Fhujeth: Totty: You should use this... *runs away and returns with a green bumbag/fannypack* Chocho: chocho: why would it be sticky in a wrapper in a bag? Fhujeth: Totty: It must've melted. Fhujeth: Totty: *it's not sticky* Chocho: chocho: if you don't want it, give it back Fhujeth: Totty: I want it... Fhujeth: Totty: *opens and eats it* :3c *realizes this was in his brothers pocket* *smiles still despite realizing how gross it is being in an old man's pocket too* :3c;;;;;;;; *spits it out* Fhujeth: Totty: It tastes good at least! Fhujeth: Totty: Is there a bag of fresh ones? Fhujeth: Totty: *carefully places bumbag on Choromatsu's waist* Hopefully it's not too small~ Fhujeth: Totty: *tightens it all the way, too tight* Chocho: chocho: argh why?!?!?! Fhujeth: Totty: Hmm it seems really tight on you... Fhujeth: *steps back, hand on chin Chocho: chocho: what are you doing to me?! you're trying to kill me Chocho: chocho: again Fhujeth: Totty: I'm giving you this bag to store candy and goods in! Chocho: chocho: stop tying it up so tight, i'm not a child i don't need the child setting!! Chocho: chocho: that HURTS you know! just like if i did it to you!! Fhujeth: Totty: Ah, you're right.. *loosens all the way* There, fat old man setting. *it still fits on him* Chocho: chocho: THERE IS NO "FAT OLD MAN" SETTING Chocho: chocho: todomatsu... *puts his hand on tottys shoulder* i'm sorry to break it to you, but... i'm not actually fat Chocho: chocho: here, let's see how YOU like it! *swiftly takes off the bag, whips it onto totty and yanks the strap as tight as it will go, harshly in a matter of a couple of seconds* Fhujeth: Totty: ... :S *ithurts* AGHHHH >< It's tight Chocho: chocho: hmm? what's that? it's tight? does it hurt? what a shame *huffs and stomps off* Fhujeth: Totty: *teary eyed immediately* Fhujeth: Totty: AHH TAKE IT OFF! *can't find the snappy part to undo it* CHOROMATSU-NIISANNNNNN!!!!! Chocho: chocho: *long gone*

[Just reading this I am so done, hahahaha! This is another example of us roleplaying and Fhujeth making it about how fat Chocho is. As I said, I just shrugged it off with humour. It ended up being about ridiculing Choromatsu and/or him being fat because she MADE it about it. She knew I didn't like it, so it always came up.]

I mean... this RP just looks playful and silly without context... but with all the above chatlogs taken into account, the obsession with fat and slobs evidently wasn’t coming from Chocho.

Chocho sent this to me which was posted by Fhujeth after the end of their friendship:

“Stop talking to other people”

Another part of my conversation with Fhujeth was a claim that Chocho had told her to stop talking to so many other people so that Fhujeth had more time to talk to important people, i.e. Chocho:

It was little things like demanding that I stop "stretching myself thin so I can chat with the people who matter (her)" instead of jumping around from the dozen or so convos I am in a day.

Chocho showed me this chatlog of that event:

totally-totty The second the drama was done that is why I went and messaged you on domatsu to tell you my reply so you could see it in the morning but I was just getting over anxiety attack and stuff. I didn't want to tell you to go away or anything because I liked knowing you were right there... chochomatsu To be honest, trying to guilt trip me into swallowing my feelings isn't fair either really. totally-totty I dunno. I guess I just do the wrong things. chochomatsu It's not a case of telling me to go away, I would have still been there I know what it's like to have something come up where your mind feels stretched thin and you need to focus on one thing at once as it's really important totally-totty I am sorry I didn't consider your feelings. chochomatsu So really, you should have just said something like "hold on, I'm having a crisis with a friend over here, it's serious", I don't see anything wrong with that totally-totty I will remember to do that. I am learning just now I have so much to learn socially and that I am still so socially under developed with dealing with other people and that I am fucking retarded. I'm really bad with other people's feelings. chochomatsu Calling yourself "fucking retarded" is another form of guilt tripping, by the way.. trying to make the other person feel guilty for being hurt by your actions totally-totty No. I am not asking you to feel guilty about it. I need to get better and learn. I know I have flaws I need to work on it. chochomatsu That's why I'm telling you how it's coming across, that's all totally-totty Thank you. totally-totty I'm really sorry about yesterday it just started off hectic with the auction, I am sure you know that is very high pressure. So after that I was all antsy and didn't feel like drawing so I went around and just cleaned my whole room and then I swam and then I finally sat back down and we chatted some and I was sorta spaced out and then the drama with my friend started and I immediately went into that anxiety shock, you know what I mean? That anxiety shock where it's all, "omg, omg." totally-totty When I was antsy I also started a bunch of other chat conversations with people. x.x So I was distracted with those all day. So I was ignoring them all... I jumped around and would forget them all.

But back to us. I'm really sorry. It's weird when you're not on anymore... haha. I didn't mean to make you think you were annoying or bothersome, either. chochomatsu That's why I don't talk to many people at once totally-totty I'm starting to think I need to stop talking to so many people now. It's really mucked with things. chochomatsu The feeling of complete and utter disconnection and lack of care you get from somebody spreading their conversation capability so thin is extremely damaging Especially when it's from somebody you really enjoy or need to talk to totally-totty I agree, and I have noticed this has been happening especially as of late. Which is why I need to stop it. Because I'd rather talk to the friends I care about than other people.

[So... I didn't even bring it up, she was the one who said it. I just gave reasons as to why it might help her (and the people she talks to, not just me).]

Yeah, I’m not seeing abuse from Chocho here either. Chocho may have given a reason as to why she thought Fhujeth was doing damage to their friendship by trying to talk to many people at once, but isn’t this a valid concern? Fhujeth seemed to take it well here and agree with the stance. Also I do see manipulation of Chocho by Fhujeth with things like “I am fucking retarded” in an attempt to get a sort of “No you are not” response.

Another claim from Fhujeth was this:

It was little things that getting mad at me for being friends with some other people that hated Choromatsu.

Chocho had this to say:

[I never got mad at Fhujeth for being friends with anybody. I admit I got frustrated at people who hated on Choromatsu endlessly, but I'm sure anybody who had their favourites get hated on would feel the same way. I vented to Fhujeth about it, but never, ever attacked her over it. Who she's friends with is none of my business.]

Venting is wholly different than being mad at someone. There doesn’t seem to be chatlogs of this event from either side unfortunately.

Chochomatsu = Domatsu

This goes back to one of Fhujeth’s main claims of abuse from Chocho - that Domatsu and Chochomatsu were two blogs run by the same person but that Chocho refused to tell Fhujeth about it despite them being friends. Fhujeth said this to me:

We talked all day every day and we did the ask blog thing together. For me, it felt like a massive breach of trust when she pretended to be someone else to me. It's okay to want to start new but to lie to your friend that you're not someone is.... that feels very unsavoury.

Asking Chocho, this is the explanation:

Chocho: Interesting that she puts Chocho highly already though Chocho: He's existed for what half a month Fhujeth: Yeah you seem really tense Chocho: Yeah. =( Chocho: I have the magazine pic, your body pillow, jussy's commissions, that plush (Bob), THE NEXT DOMATSU UPDATE, chocho's asks, this birthday thing, just paid twice for my birthday present, probably going to have to do that again when Chibita finally shows up... Chocho: I'm trying!

[This is proof that Chocho existed for less than half a month by the time I told Fhujeth. I didn't tell ANYBODY about Chochomatsu at first because I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the blog. If I had told anybody, even my closest friends, I would have basically had to be committed to it and I didn't want to seal myself in on a blog I wasn't even sure I'd keep. After a week or so, I felt I wanted to keep Chocho, so I let Fhujeth in on it and my other closest friends outside the fandom (I didn't really have any friends in the fandom besides Fhujeth. Funny that, huh?). Fhujeth was the only one who took offense. (Also, in regards to "we did the ask blog thing together"? That's because she always forced her way into my blog stories and pressured me when I wanted to use my own Totty. I wasn't allowed to even concept asking another Totty blog to be my Totty for any particular post.]

So, what, 2 weeks that Fhujeth didn’t know Chochomatsu and Domatsu were the same person? I am again finding myself not being able to see where the abuse is. Even if it had been kept a permanent secret, it’s another case of this multiple alias thing just... being a thing in the creative arts. Why is it abusive?

To follow on from the subject of Totty blogs, Chocho gave me some explanation as to what that meant:

Chocho: If I legit went and made a Totty blog instead, you'd let me rot domatsu? Fhujeth: No, what I meant was more like... Fhujeth: I don't think I could stand a chance against you and I'd probably have to quit myself. Fhujeth: And I'd see it as competitiion, I guess. Chocho: Why would you do that? Chocho: You know I can't write Totty as well as you Fhujeth: Because there is absolutely no way in hell I can compete with your art. Chocho: Character portrayal is more important than art though Fhujeth: well, not really on tumblr people care about art lots ;.; well, in the end of it all I'd be incredibly hurt like, "Errr, there's 6 guys and you legit going to drop the one to pick the one I play even tho we work so closely together now I'm doomed and we can't work together so much and now I guess we're frenemies." Basically I'd handly it all in a very immature and very bad fashion because I have a very childish competitive nature.... But you are more than welcome to I just wouldn't be able to handle it at all like a grown adult. Fhujeth: its not a threat lmao I legit don't think I;d handle it well XD I already get really competitive when I see other Totty blogs Chocho: Well, don't worry, I wouldn't. I only asked since you said you'd only let me if it was to make a Totty blog? Chocho: I think? Fhujeth: Noooo. Fhujeth: I don't want domatsu to rot at all I love it Chocho: *only let me quit Fhujeth: yeah because the immature fraction of my brain would say, "Uhhhhh...... this person who was my friend is now my enemy" Fhujeth: like blanca was thinking of making a todomatsu universe I said, "NO" Fhujeth: Not like that Chocho: Uh... how do you feel about my Totty then? =S Fhujeth: I like him! Fhujeth: But since you don't have him as a dedicated blog... Fhujeth: I'm not like, scared. Fhujeth: That he'll become something I have to worry over. Fhujeth: Since you're Karamatsu to me... Fhujeth: of course I don;t OWN him either I just don't want to get competitive Fhujeth: against friends... because I get really bad. Fhujeth: I am crazy agressive competitive person if I wanna be.... or I give up if I don't think I can do it. Fhujeth: this is a bad side of me... Fhujeth: a really bad side of me Chocho: Even if I gave him his own blog, it'd work in the same way as the rest of them. Fhujeth: Right, that is OK. I mean.... your Oso blog doesn't take asks and all really... Fhujeth: Wow I can already tell I would handle this terribly. Fhujeth: I am feeling my blood pressure going through the roof, God I am so immature :/ At least I am aware of this flaw but still... damn. Chocho: I'm not going to make a Totty ask blog, don't worry Fhujeth: T-Thank you..... Fhujeth: You're allowed to though. Fhujeth: I'd figure you'd go for Choro Chocho: Yeah Fhujeth: I'm sorry....... Fhujeth: For how I just was Chocho: Oh, no, don't worry

Fhujeth: I just hope I didn't make you hate Totty Chocho: No Fhujeth: Did you fall out of love with him tho? Chocho: The only thing is that I feel pressured not to include him in blog things (as mine solo) because you've told me in the past that he's yours Fhujeth: Oh, I don't mean like that you can do that.. Chocho: So if you feel like he's not there much it's because I feel you'd be angry with me if I gave him screen time or his own blog Fhujeth: Hmm, I would feel nervous about his own blog but not screen time.... Chocho: Exactly Fhujeth: Because you do so much better than me... XD;; it's more like Chocho: That's why he's not around Fhujeth: You could basically run me out of business... I guess... Chocho: I really doubt it Fhujeth: Look how fast Chocho grew and he is the same popular as Todo Chocho: Apparently he became one of the more expensive ones, so I don't think that's true... Fhujeth: i dunno. Don't let me stop you from doing what you want. Fhujeth: ^^ Fhujeth: If you run me out of business you run me out of business it's just the way it'd go. XD Chocho: I can't run anybody "out of business", it's not a business. ._. People haven't stopped with Karamatsu or Choromatsu blogs because domatsu and chochomatsu exist for example... Chocho: I managed to get enough for a gacha again and I got red hoodie Osomatsu. =/ Fhujeth: No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point". That is what I got and I was so mad. Fhujeth: But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you. Chocho: And that's why Todomatsu isn't around at all on my blogs Because it would be my fault if you quit Chocho: It's not that I don't like him, more that I'm... not really allowed Fhujeth: Ahh, no, please, don't say that. Fhujeth: Please do what you want. Fhujeth: ==inadifferentveinifeellikeishouldquitnowsighs== why is this all so complicated. can we talk this out just so you can understand where I come from and then you can see that you can do as you wish? :3 Chocho: See? Now I've made you want to quit just by saying that I wanted to separate dematsu into 4 blogs. =S Fhujeth: You can Chocho: I know where you're coming from, you've explained before Chocho: But this is why Totty hasn't been around on my end, that's all Fhujeth: It's not like it's going to be super active or anything like chocho or domatsu .... Chocho: Respecting your wishes Fhujeth: no? Or is it Chocho: It is! You told me you didn't want me to be Totty and that you would feel threatened and annoyed if I did Fhujeth: It would be more active? Please do as you wish. Please don't let me stop you.. Fhujeth: Honest. Fhujeth: But now I feel bad because you want to do something and you feel like I am stopping you. Fhujeth: All I was doing was expressing my feelings but I didn't want you to actually not do something because of me. I am not that selfish. I'll deal with it on my own. Chocho: Nah, it's fine. As long as you know that it's not that I don't like Totty! Fhujeth: I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something. Fhujeth: I'm really torn right now. Fhujeth: I'm gonna go away for a while and lay down... x.x I am too conflicted. I do not own a character, so please, by all means, you have every right. Chocho: This is why I didn't do anything! >_< Fhujeth: But you want to!

This is quite an obvious example of gaslighting... “You could basically run me out of business” ... “Don't let me stop you from doing what you want.” ... “No but if I know a new blog comes out that is doing better than me already and faster than I would up and quit and feel "no point".” ... “But my feelings, please, don't let them influence you.” ... “Please do what you want.” ... “I don't know I don't want to prevent you from doing something.” ... “But you want to!”

Seriously... that is some powerful manipulative flip-flopping in an attempt to scare Chocho out of making a Totty blog.

Back to the issue of Chochomatsu and Domatsu being the same person...

[Also, she approached Chocho and pressed for conversation, not the other way around.]

05/19/2016 mr-flag hii ^^ welcome to the ask blog world! I am gonna answer you ask, sorry it';s coming form this blog you only follow this of my blogs <3 I am totally-totty too your choro is super cute <3 I might answer it though in a bit I am not sure yet the timing I have..... I wanna answer it now.... chochomatsu Oh! I thought I was following your Totty blog! I can see it on my dash right now! :O Are you sure? Maybe I need to unfollow and follow again???

[Chocho's blog was started on the 17th of May, 2016. Fhujeth approached the blog on the 19th of May 2016. 2 days after the blog was born.]

Chocho went on to explain that Fhujeth had been accusing her of having a Totty blog before the end of working on the Domatsu blog:

Fhujeth: you are capable of a lot.... i'd not be surprised if you had a totty blog already and I didn't know of it XD Fhujeth: not that you'd be that deceptive Chocho: I'd ummed and ahhed about Chocho for a couple of months before I did him... and I hesitated before I posted him first post even... I felt really guilty about him to be honest. Nah, I really really don't have a Totty blog I have domatsu and it's partner blogs, Chocho and Wakuwaku. And I don't do anything with Waku... since he chills out on Chocho's blog all the time. Fhujeth: Oh I am not accusing you of one...

[She was falsely accusing me of having a Totty blog back before I had even stopped doing Domatsu too. She accused me of a lot to be honest, with no grounds. And how do you prove you don't have something when you don't have something? She always put me on the spot for things I couldn't prove otherwise because they didn't exist.]

“Oh I am not accusing you of one...” Oh really? That’s what it sounds like to me.

In my experience, Fhujeth has been accusing Chocho of running a Totty blog for a very long time. A lot of people in this fandom already know that Fhujeth accused Chocho of being Todomatshu/Shu/Boots - another good friend of mine. This is in fact connected to the Totty Club situation as Shu was the founder and the one maintaining the list of members and such. The Totty Club drama is of course where most of my bad experiences with Fhujeth come from and it is difficult to prove to someone that two blogs are two different people when both people have been scared into not wanting anything to do with Fhujeth at all. I don’t have saved proof, but I have personally witnessed Chocho and Shu in a drawpile session together, working on separate drawings at the same time.

Fhujeth’s words:

totty Like I said too, I wasn't there at the drawpile. I guess one of my other friends was and said something how Chocho emulated Shu's style effortlessly and flawlessly but that is all I know. It falls back down to proof, again. I wasn't there just like you weren't there. I don't know. I'm not going to tell people Shu is Chocho. I don't even bring any of them up in name anymore.

I know which friend Fhujeth is talking about and this is not the same drawpile session I’m talking about. They weren’t there. In fact this friend she mentions is almost certainly the one that leaked chat from the Totty Club discord we had that triggered a lot of the drama with Fhujeth to begin with. I wish I had proof of the drawpile claim but I don’t. I didn’t think to take screenshots - we were all busy drawing and having fun. To this day I get the very strong impression that Fhujeth still believes Chocho and Shu are the same person.

I can’t give chatlogs as proof that they aren’t the same person as no logs I have access to have anything that would prove or disprove anything to do with this issue. The only other thing I can possibly add to this is that in the days of the Totty Club discord I could occasionally see Chocho and Boots (Shu) typing at the same time. Again, no proof, I don’t record my screen!

This entire situation was abusive to all of us. It ripped the Totty Club apart - people were unable to trust other members, Shu in particular, because of Fhujeth’s unfounded claims. As always, Chocho preferred to remain quiet about anything to do with Fhujeth at the time. I have to say I now understand why that was. I also finally understand why Fhujeth was so persistent about Shu being Chocho - she was STILL paranoid that Chocho was running a Totty blog and was attempting to be in direct competition with her.

The Pain Incident

Before I go on with this issue I have to explain why this is the last one I’m bringing up despite it being one of the main things Fhujeth presented as evidence that Chocho was abusive to her. It needs everything that has been explained previously to make sense and to give context, otherwise it comes across as very one-sided and it’s hard to see why the things being said are actually being said. The events of the previous months lead up to this final situation.

First of all, the claim Fhujeth presented to me:

Uhh. Okay, day before is what we're talking about. We were in a convo and she was super into collecting all the Choros for it so the first thing she said was like, "aww I didn't get X choro in the roll" she immediately showed me a drawing after that and I replied with a very stock reply of, "I'm sorry" or something, but as I was sitting down my back just died on me. So I started to panic like, "oh my god I am in so much pain holy shit ahhhhhhafsdgsdfhgdhdg" which obviously caused me to not reply to the drawing cause I was in physical pain and now spazzing about how i'm at home alone and scared and that idk what to do and I can't call anyone and idk where my mom is and i am scared. I was freaking out. She mentioned the drawing again but I just was sorta like.... in freaking out mode by then. I eventually got to the floor, got proper care after laying on the floor home alone for an hour with the anxiety now that my friend hated me and that I was home alone and couldn't move. After my mom came home and I got treated for the pain I came up to apologize on utox and what not and the last message she had written was, "ugh whatever i'm gonna go watch tv"

When I brought this part up with Chocho...

[This is another thing that needs FAR more backstory than Fhujeth gives... but of course she wouldn't give the whole story I suppose... =T In any case, this event happened after months and months of her complaining about her back pain (and other pains, she was just apparently constantly in pain and on pain medication) and shooting down my ideas for ways to get it seen to or ease the apparent pain. Eventually, especially by the last month, I was sick of hearing it and starting to doubt it was actually as bad as she always said it was. It ALWAYS came up, but she was NEVER willing to do anything about it because money and weed is more important.]

Fhujeth: Yeah. I hope I can. x.x I am like, really.... blah. Chocho: Do you think it has to do with the med you had to drop and the lack of weed at all? =( Chocho: Some kind of withdrawal symptoms? Fhujeth: Oh, hey, would you be willing to reblog my promo post? You don't have to... because you probably don't want that on your wall right now, but yeah. Any withdrawl would be gone now. Chocho: Combined with the pain of your slipped disc Chocho: Cos that is not pleasant Fhujeth: I am used to the pain, that is not like, a thing that gets me. Chocho: Pain gets to anybody. u.u Fhujeth: It adds to it but it's not like.... what is angering me. Chocho: Is it the education thing? Chocho: Also, brb!! Fhujeth: Nah, it's the "I am pissed at my friend for not keeping me away from game centers even if I beg because I have no self control and will pile through hundreds of dollars easy because I am mentally sick and can't control myself even tho I begged them the other day to keep me away." Fhujeth: "I am pissed at them too for forgetting that shop exists after I spent a TOOOOON of money on blind bags.

Wow... just to comment here... that’s really not your friend’s responsibility. If you can’t control your own spending don’t put the blame on someone else! You’re saying right there that you have no self control and yet you’re pissed at someone else...

Fhujeth: Ahhh the chronic pain is so... Fhujeth: awakening Chocho: Your slipped disc? =( Chocho: I bet it is! Fhujeth: yeah and then like just pain everywhere else it's kinda messed up Chocho: How are you, besides your disc? =< Fhujeth: Sore xD Chocho: <=( How long have you been suffering this for? Fhujeth: Since I got here for sure uhhh, for the one on the higher part my back, since 2012 I had diagnosed a disc in my lumbar that was out but it is ok now Chocho: Hmm... >_< Can they pop back in place? Fhujeth: I don't have health insurance atm Fhujeth: so I can't get it treated Chocho: I meant on their own. =( Fhujeth: It could I guess Fhujeth: depends on the damage Fhujeth: basically it's really tender at this one spot and then it causes all the muscles to tense around it Fhujeth: and all the walking has been really bad Fhujeth: I get back from going out and the pain is so intense Chocho: Yeah... =( Hmm.. Can you get a hold of heat or massage packs that might help? Fhujeth: I have.... some menthol strips I been sticking on they help a bit Chocho: Mm! At least you have something! ;o; Fhujeth: yeah :D Fhujeth: and ibuprofen Chocho: Ibuprofen is amazing

Chocho: Yeah, came back from the doctor and Zenryoku Batankyu had finally arrived. =D Fhujeth: Ramen is not really healthy and the high sodium must ause inflamation and I am in insane pain today from it!! AHHH Congrats!!!! I should pick up those CDs Fhujeth: so are you ok :3 like from the doctor? Chocho: Ahhh okay. XD;;; Yeah, that's not good... I hope you feel better!

Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: Woow!! Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* Fhujeth: That is already more support than I have gotten @-@ That is so cool! Fhujeth: ahh i feel crappppy Chocho: *PRIVATE STUFF ABOUT MY FATHER* I miss my Dad. =( Ahhh, still bad? ;m; Is there anything you can take? Fhujeth: ahh I am sorry you miss him ;.; Fhujeth: Yeah, weed, but I am waiting on my damn mom to finish with the laundryyyyyy Chocho: I haven't gotten to see him in a few years now, darn lack of money. Ohhh, would weed help then? Fhujeth: it helps me with pain, most. XD; It makes me forget I am in it.

Just to be completely clear, that chatlog has obvious edits to protect the privacy of Chocho and her father.

Fhujeth: Totty: See? I'm a lot cuter, and I have like, a better personality, and my eyebrows are well shaped and maintained. :3 Chocho: Ichimatsu: *holds up another drawing similar to the first except it has "shaped eyebrows" drawn on* Fhujeth: Totty: o_o *pulls out phone and checks self* No, wait, that could be deceiving me *runs to body length mirror in closet* *looks ok* ??? Fhujeth: (ugh my joints hurt) Chocho: Is it all the pain? =( Fhujeth: i dunno they just hurt all the sundde l.l Fhujeth: sudden^ Chocho: Hmm.... have you been tensing because of the rash? Fhujeth: not sure o.o Fhujeth: I'm sooo tired tho Chocho: I really hope the doctor can help on Monday. =(

Chocho: The idol otaku I mean Fhujeth: I am looking for those online @-@ They were lottery prizes too Fhujeth: it looks like there was when I was looking a big set and a small set, only the big set has choro and kara with the jackets and all Chocho: Yeah, I wanted the big set! Fhujeth: they look cute! if i seem weird today it's because I am in intense pain !! Chocho: Okay, I hope you feel better. =(

Fhujeth: like the one in the tv Fhujeth: ? Chocho: I imagine so! Fhujeth: it hurts to moveee ffff Chocho: Like the one on South Park Fhujeth: I might lay down with the tens unit -- yeah! Chocho: Okay! I hope you feel better!! Chocho: Thanks for listening to a part of my teens. XD Fhujeth: Not right now! I need to draw... but it just so distracting. No problem same for me! Fhujeth: You said someone you know how a disc issue right? Chocho: Oh, yeah, my Dad has I think Fhujeth: ok ^^ Chocho: Why do you ask? Fhujeth: if you know how it is like at all :o Chocho: Well, I don't have it personally.. =o Fhujeth: Mine is pretty painful at times! Like, "this hurts a lot I might puke" painful

Chocho: I love all the spinning they put into these intros, hahaha Chocho: Skillz Chocho: ZARD... ;m; Fhujeth: i miss the mid 00 Fhujeth: s Chocho: 8th opening with the dancing. XD Chocho: I don't miss the 00s at all Chocho: It was more of a time of suffering for me than I even realised Fhujeth: For me i grew a lot. if I reply slow right now it is because i wanna finish this art and go lay downb ecause pain

Chocho: I wouldn't want to send out my rare badge and get nothing Fhujeth: True! Fhujeth: ahh i slept really bad on my back Fhujeth: i am in so much pain i can't focus that is why i am on so late Chocho: Did you take some painkillers? =(

Fhujeth: Thanks! Chocho: No probs! Fhujeth: "wh-why is everything distorted" Fhujeth: Heh I wish I didn't have caffiene addiction so I didn't have to drink cofffee this morning! Chocho: How come? Fhujeth: It's a stimulant so it's going to make my anxiety worse too.. Though the inital effects the the pot should be out of my system by now I am confused @_@ Oh well. I wish it would stop. I'll shut up about it XD Chocho: I hope it passes for you, really! Fhujeth: I hope it passes too because it's more painful to be sitting on the computer and being awake and trying to be alive than it is laying in bed pretending I don't exist! I'm fighting so hard to go back to bed and not exist!

Chocho: Karamatsu's enjoying it at least Chocho: Vados wasn't even in the 3 episodes we watched, only the intros for a second or so Fhujeth: Sorry for not talking lots I have weird muscle pain going down my arms -.x Chocho: S'all right! Fhujeth: i've felt shitty I hope nothing is seriously wrong lmao Chocho: It's probably one huge body shock combination or jet lag and coming back from Japan and infection and tiredness Fhujeth: yeah ;.; Chocho: Probably sister and mother induced stress to put the cherry on top

Fhujeth: invisible trauma from being fickin Chocho: that's not a work book Fhujeth: nyaachan fanbook Fhujeth: omg i just sorta fixed my back but I hear if I move my disc will slip back in place Chocho: oh? Fhujeth: Yeah I used a TENS to stop all the pain and decompressed my back and it doesn't hurt right now but I am scared to move Chocho: that's no good Fhujeth: no and i guess i don't qualify for obama care or something so I do not get insurance Fhujeth: ahh well

Fhujeth: No. It stinks bad too. Chocho: as do cat farts Fhujeth: Yes. XD Fhujeth: I cannot stay up at all @_@ Chocho: too tired? Fhujeth: pain Fhujeth: and that time of month Chocho: i seeee Fhujeth: but my back being like a squished sandwich cookie is kinda gross Chocho: yeah... Chocho: i hope you feel better Chocho: wanna talk totty? Chocho: would that help at all? Chocho: cos Chocho: i mean Chocho: it's totty

Fhujeth: I accidentally hit end task when fixing something else - I have a lot to do but I am getting it done I am just freaking out some because my mom is making me do the back porch and I am only a third done, I'm in intense pain and I wanna get Jussy this commission by tonight!

Fhujeth: Are you feeling okay? Chocho: why do you ask? Fhujeth: Because you're my friend and I am concerned about your well being? Chocho: oh i meant if you thought i was acting weird or something Chocho: i have a headache and i'm peeved but otherwise ok thanks Chocho: you? Fhujeth: My back wont get better and the pain is intense no matter what I do and I'm running out of pot and the guy who was supplying me left the country I think Chocho: i remember you mentioning about the pot guy... Fhujeth: So I might be weird a few days after I 100% run out. x.x Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: But I need to figure out more pain managment ideas because it's pretty much at the point where I am unable to do very much. It's excrutiating to bend down to feed the cats and I haven't done hardly any housework in the past few weeks that required hevy lifting and when i was powerwashing the other day the pain was insane. Fhujeth: but yeah! That's how I've been! Fhujeth: Otherwise I've bene okay emotionally! Chocho: there has to be other ways Chocho: my friend goes to massage therapy and accupuncture for his pain Fhujeth: I have something that is like accupuncture! The problem is I don't have health insurance, otherwise I'd be all over physical therapy x.x Chocho: you're gonna be saving a buck by not buying weed Fhujeth: I think a session for physical therapy will cost me half a month's supply of weed Chocho: just go every 2 weeks Fhujeth: When I went they wanted me to go 2 or three times a week (I forget how many times but it was like 15 sessions) for some very specific things (sessions were 45 minutes and were workout, massage, stretch, and decompression, and TENS). I'll see if there is anything the state! I think right now my best option will have to be the way most americans manage pain... XD our ridiculously heavy duty pain killers that kill us slowly and surely.

[This log was nearing the end of us talking. She literally asked me how I was JUST to talk about how much pain SHE was in, then say she's not willing to pay for care.]

Chocho: but he gets bad bad pain Fhujeth: Ah! Ok! I have back pain! I wish had healthcare! I'll look into things more. I was thinking of getting one of those inversion tables! Chocho: heat pad might help too Fhujeth: I use heat, ice, and a mini-tens unit! (also those are great for cramp pain!) Fhujeth: Oh I remember what helped too is that stinky rub Chocho: i think if it's that bad, your pain, you should try these things out, if only a couple of times... like the massage treatment Chocho: it may well super help Fhujeth: I did twice! Fhujeth: err, I did physical therapy twice Chocho: ah well there you go Fhujeth: like 40 sessions! It helped but I went a lot. Chocho: i don't really have any other ideas Fhujeth: It's ok! Chocho: dried cranberries Fhujeth: What do those do :O Chocho: some kind of pain relief, i'm not sure

Fhujeth: I am in. So. much. Pain right now. I'm wanted to stay at the computer and still play sm but I think I'm gonna have to lay down and try to work on my back at the same time. What else do I need to do for Choromatsu and the meds :3

Fhujeth: i am so much pain i can't hardly walk Chocho: maybe you should rest.... Fhujeth: I'm gonna when the game comes try to lay on the floor with my legs up and try to get my spine to at least not hurt... gonna try to get some other work sorted first Chocho: ok! Fhujeth: Sorry for whining I'm kinda scared it's never been this bad and it wont stop Chocho: it's all right Chocho: i hjust hope you can get some relief Fhujeth: I have some vicadin it just recently expired i think...

Chocho: i looked up slipped disc treatment Chocho: "It can take about one to three months to recover from a slipped disc. Treatment usually involves a combination of physiotherapy, such as massage and exercise, and medication to relieve the pain. Surgery to release the compressed nerve and remove part of the disc may be considered in severe cases, or if the pain doesn't settle down over time. In many cases, a slipped disc will eventually shrink back away from the nerve and the pain will ease as the disc stops pressing on the affected nerve. Sometimes the slipped disc will stay pressing on the nerve, but the pain goes away because the brain learns to "turn down the volume" on the pain messages coming from the nerve. " Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: i still recommend massages Chocho: once every 2 weeks Chocho: if you're in that much pain, surely it's worth a try? Fhujeth: I have a thing I am going to start to use for massages and start with it... I think mine isn't a slipped disc though it's the next step above that (unless it's the same name) Fhujeth: But massage would def help Fhujeth: I wonder if there is a place here that can do it not as a "spa" Chocho: it would be worth looking into if you're going to not be spending that $ on weed... use it on something else to help the pain Chocho: i would Fhujeth: Yeah I know! Trust me, I know. ;.; I tried doing some other stuff like laying the way you're supposed to but it felt like uhh how to word it..... Fhujeth: I was more sore when I got up

What stood out to me in this one was just how willing Chocho still was to help Fhujeth out with her pain despite everything that Fhujeth had put her through up until now. But it’s being mentioned so much it’s difficult to know how bad the pain really is.

Chocho: good Fhujeth: Ugh I am trying to massage the area and the pain got like 50 times worse Fhujeth: I think Chocho: i think it may well be a case of worse before better Fhujeth: it might wear off Chocho: cos you're shocking the system Fhujeth: Yeah. shocking the system? Chocho: yeah, as in it's not what your back is expecting Chocho: kind of like ice stings before it numbs Fhujeth: I hope! I feel kinda tense now x.x;

[These all lead up to the "day" where I was finally done with the topic always being about how much pain Fhujeth was in and me not being all too sure how much of it was true and how much was attention seeking... turns out the time I was finally done was the worst time to be done.]

[The pain stuff, whether is was a headache, a migraine, rashes, aches after working in the garden, her back or anything else... basically started, at the latest, around April when she was in Japan (condering that we first started talking at the very end of February that year). From that point, talk about pain came up all the time, it was draining and the pain just "escalated" all the time. And it continued right up to when I said I wanted out (Which was the end of November the same year).]

The logs here are just from the utox app and Chocho says these are not all the mentions of pain from Fhujeth.

This is where we got onto talking about the ignored artwork...

[I actually shared the artwork first, then commented about the Tabimatsu event. Her back didn't "escalate" until I mentioned "let's ignore it" about the art (which to be honest, she ignored my art a fair few times before then) which I had been actually drawing out some of our roleplay we had been doing, which I had been doing to try and distract her from the apparent pain. By this point, she had been complaining about "bad pain" so much (crying wolf, basically) that I... have to say, I no longer believed the severity. Here's the chatlog. With that in mind, you can see I'm tired of this same situation over and over, it just happened to be the worst time to make a comment. Either that or she escalated it BECAUSE I made a comment? I don't know, I can't be sure, I was only on the other side of the screen. After a while she went silent, so when I decided to go watch TV with my boyfriend, I left the note saying I was. It was blunt because I was annoyed, which I assume came across as heartless to people she showed. Sadly, timestamps weren't kept, so that context is lost.

Apparently the people who she showed at least partial logs to, she didn't mention that I was drawing the pictures to entertain her and help distract her, nor that I asked if she took pain meds and if they would help. Basically the only part she kept of mine was "thanks for ignoring my pic", I was told. So THIS is the "edited chatlogs" I mentioned. Editing means conveniently dropping details from the conversation too, being that because you've only shown snippits or because you've dropped lines entirely...]

Chocho: *PIC WAS HERE* Chocho: i never managed to get school uniform choromatsu from the event before it ends Chocho: there's no way i can get enough coins for another spin before the event goes, which sucks Fhujeth: I'm sorry >< Chocho: it's okay i guess what can i do? let's ignore it [<- note, this was me hinting about the ignored artwork] Fhujeth: uhhhhh my back is Fhujeth: very bad Fhujeth: atm Fhujeth: i am home alone Chocho: thanks for ignoring my pic can you get any painkillers or do ones like ibuprofen or paracetamol not work? Fhujeth: this is emergency Chocho: or do you have any of that one that worked the other day? Fhujeth: your pic is good I like it Fhujeth: sorry I am panicing Chocho: mmhmm [<- note, this is a response to “your pic is good I like it”, not that she is panicking] Fhujeth i can't move Chocho: have you got any of the one you used the other day Fhujeth: i can't move Chocho: the one that let you sleep well Fhujeth: like my back is that much pain i can't move Fhujeth: i am like leaning ovef in my chait Fhujeth: your picture, I like it! I am really sorry I can't focus right now. I don't mean to ignore it I'm freaking out and in a lot of pain and I can't do anything Chocho: i don't have any advice left Fhujeth: there is no advice Fhujeth: i am stuck here and scared Fhujeth: and hurting Fhujeth: till my mom gets back Fhujeth: i'ma try to fb her Fhujeth: she coming home Fhujeth: im trying t figur out how to get to the floor Chocho: im going to go watch tv

This is the conversation that happened a day before the chatlog that Fhujeth gave me as evidence that Chocho didn’t care about her pain while only being interested in the fact that Fhujeth ignored an artwork. After all of the previous “I am in pain!” claims how was Chocho supposed to know that THIS one was a dire emergency? Anyone who is told about someone else’s pain that many times is going to be desensitized to it and it becomes very difficult to tell what is bad and what is REALLY bad. Because Chocho wasn’t convinced that it was apparently an emergency, Fhujeth accuses Chocho of abuse.

Fhujeth claimed that the question about painkillers was insulting:

I might've forgotten when I worded the story but I rectified that. That was something that to me was more an insult than a concern because if I am in pain OF COURSE I am going to take pain meds.

Chocho gave me these...

Fhujeth: it's just she wants me to clean always at the worst time so I try to get it done in the am Chocho: That's a good idea.. u_u Fhujeth: There, now if I have to do anything it'll be powerwash Fhujeth: which I might do in a few minutes Fhujeth: because also if this pain gets worse I'll be unable to clean at all! Chocho: Hmm.. =( Have you been taking painkillers or..? Fhujeth: I will in a bit if it gets worse it's ok right now :3 Fhujeth: roombas are great (robot vaccuums) ahh Chocho: Okay! ;w; Just don't suffer too much, all right? <3 Hahaha, I bet! XD Fhujeth: oh I wont :3

Fhujeth: ahh my head hurts Chocho: How come? D= Fhujeth: not sure o_o Chocho: Headache? Fhujeth: Yeah ;.; Chocho: Can you take painkillers? D= Fhujeth: Yeah I may... brb gonna do the dishes Chocho: OK

Fhujeth: whch pattern Fhujeth: For kara? Chocho: Yeah! => Chocho: See if it's possible to shrink down Chocho: I doubt it cos it has small parts. XD Chocho: It might not even be worth trying... Fhujeth: I have a badddd migraine Chocho: Did you take painkillers? =< Fhujeth: Yeah not working x.x Chocho: Did you take paracetamol AND ibuprofen together?

Fhujeth: it's ok! also happy birthday again Chocho: Thank-you! ;w; Fhujeth: x3 no problem, I wish my head didn't hurt so bad. Chocho: Did you take ibuprofen AND paracetamol? =< You didn't answer Fhujeth: what is paracetamol? Chocho: It's a painkiller.. =o Chocho: One of the most common... Chocho: You can take it with ibuprofen as long as the ibuprofen you took doesn't have it in it. => Chocho: And it acts like a double whammy because it attacks pain in a different way Fhujeth: Ahhh, no I don't have that Chocho: Might be worth checking your painkillers to make sure they don't have it in already, then getting some if they don't! =o Fhujeth: it's hard to get that stuff here. Chocho: Is Japan really stingy with painkillers or something> Chocho: *? Fhujeth: well you can only get them in a pharmacy Chocho: Cos paracetamol is... the standard painkiller Fhujeth: I will sleep soon Chocho: Okay! ;w; Sounds like a good idea since you're in so much pain! Fhujeth: Yeah... I wanted to finish the bag but I will when I wake up. Chocho: Good idea.. =< Chocho: Don't suffer, you know? Fhujeth: Yeah x.x I am suffering at this point Chocho: You should try to rest! =< Chocho: Especially with a migraine Fhujeth: Yeah, I will sleep now!!!! Goodnight :3

Fhujeth: Back.. are you feeling betteR? Chocho: Yeah, you? Fhujeth: Nope x.x Chocho: Still in pain? Fhujeth: Yeah. ;.; Chocho: Did you take any painkillers? =) Chocho: *=( Chocho: Heh, shouldn't be smiling at that Fhujeth: it's ok XD You seemed pretty pissed at me when I left so... about to! Chocho: I was pissed at the world Fhujeth: I am used to people taking their frustrations out on me XD;; So I sorta knew you were upset about many things but I felt like I was in firing range. Did you wanna post that thing? Chocho: Ohhh no, I might have ranted about things to you but I don't go about ATTACKING my friends

[Any time she was in pain, I suggested/asked about painkillers and usually she hadn't even bothered to take them... so... painkillers were the first thing I always asked about every time.]

So hang on... every other time painkillers were brought up it was Chocho being helpful and it was appreciated... but this one time where ignored artwork also happened to be involved is was hugely insulting? I don’t get it.

And something else I’d like to mention. I’ve never seen Fhujeth mention pain before. There are endless instances of it in the logs from Chocho, but past Chocho saying goodbye to Fhujeth...?? Maybe it’s only ever in private conversations... but just a thought.

Part of Fhujeth’s conversation with me:

Ah, to add, yeah. So that event happened, I didn't log into the chat we used (utox) the next day so that night they IMd me talking just about 'Oh I guess Totty has big balls now" or something cause the yokai set came out... :S and I was like, "Wait are you for real you're not gonna ask how I am after that?"

Chocho gave more logs:

11/22/2016 chochomatsu just gotta say choromatsu is very amused that todomatsu is a tanuki and what that implies totally-totty Yeah. chochomatsu i'll leave you be

totally-totty And. The "icing on the cake" was instead of you sending me something saying, "are you ok? i know you were in a lot of pain yesterday." You had to tell me about Tanuki Balls. I think you're a great person and I like to RP and interact and chat with you but I think you think I don't care about you. chochomatsu tanuki balls? totally-totty Isn't that what your first message to me implied? chochomatsu not really besides the fact that that was trying to start conversation i wasn't even thinking about tanuki balls totally-totty What were you implying in your first message? chochomatsu tanuki's are portrayed/commonly seen as fat that's all are they supposed to have big balls too? totally-totty Yeah.

[The continuation of the "chatlog evidence" that Fhujeth cropped out, revealing that I wasn't actually talking about tanuki balls at all, but actually that tanukis are portrayed as fat, something she kept pushing on Choromatsu (and earlier, when I was working on Domatsu, Karamatsu) that is now Todomatsu instead. Even though I flat out explained myself there and then, I guess she thought that messaging her about tanuki balls was more offensive and better to use as "evidence", so she cropped the rest out.... also, one of the lines in her chatlog is out of order. Here's the true order;]

FHU'S 'EVIDENCE' ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

chochomatsu here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

TRUE ORDER;

chochomatsu i don't want to talk about this any more we are getting nowhere i don't think i am wrong for having emotions or feelings, but i obviously am, so i'm sorry i will leave it at that here's what you want: i was completely 100% wrong, bad, nasty, horrible and i am sorry

totally-totty I understand where you're coming from, we are both at fault here or it was a misunderstanding. It was a bad situation where we both felt ignored by the timing of events and you expected me to do something that I didn't do.

totally-totty I think we're both at fault.

So... edited chatlogs? It’s a minor edit but it significantly changes the flow of the conversation in Fhujeth’s favor when read in the order Fhujeth showed it.

Additionally...

Fhujeth: I am back now! I have to try to clean my side of the house that is what I was doing the other day when we were talking when pain got me ;.; now it's all messy again and I am terrified so if I say that I am in very bad pain again it's probably the same as yesterday! I'll try not to "cry wolf" with pain that is tolerable from now on to help clear things up! Fhujeth: the day before^ Chocho: take it easy, ok?

[Fhujeth even admitted she had been crying wolf about her back pain before the fight after the event.]

[I found out later from others that Fhujeth chased all my potential friends away by spreading tiny nasty rumours about me to people who were other ask blogs in the fandom, in an attempt to keep them away from me. Telling them things like I was SO controlling and had a huge ego/bad attitude. I had no idea this was going on, but apparently she started super early into our friendship (the domatsu days, before chocho existed).]

[I found, after I had broken away from Fhujeth that I realised that she had really... muddied my mind. The way she was so quick to aggression or even a full out argument (which I really did not want) made me just nod along and agree with her nasty comments and tactics in order to defend myself from potential fallout and I felt disgusting about that after I broke away and my mind was cleared. I rarely stood up for my beliefs and morals whilst talking to her. I mean, sometimes I did? But usually I didn't. I dunno if maybe the people who talk to her now are doing that very same thing now themselves. She just had this toxic atmosphere that infects you. After I walked away I found that my mood was instantly more positive, even though she was trying her very best to destroy me publicly and privately. The absolute hell she put me and my name through after I left was actually less stressful than the frustration and pressure I had to deal with daily whilst we were talking, especially near the end.]

[Fhujeth would fight about /anything/. I'm pretty sure she enjoyed arguments (which I really, really do not) and liked to spur drama. So I would try and avoid that at all costs, not calling them out on their poor behaviour or bad morals because I didn't want to argue about things, ever. And the fights took forever, they lasted sometimes hours I think because you just can't be right against her. Even when the argument was as stupid as "what the right way to play DDR is". I could never win because she would never reconsider her opinion/point/stance. Basically the only way out of the argument was bowing down and saying "you're right, I'm wrong, you win". But of course, the response to that is always negative (and insulted) because she wants the argument to continue I suppose. And of course, if you're angry, the way you pitch "LET'S END THIS" is always going to be angry. I'm actually quite hard to anger and yet she managed repeatedly. Possibly more times in a single year than anybody on their own has managed to do (besides maybe my brother if we count my entire life). I can't believe just how many times I say I'm frustrated or angry or peeved or upset in these chatlogs looking back... it doesn't sound like me... <=/;;; Cos I'm not usually angry or peeved or upset... tired maybe... XD;;]

Fhujeth claimed to me that she was the one that tried to get away from Chocho.

That she sent me after I had chosen to stop signing in to get away from her.

Chocho gave me a small chatlog with her point of view...

Fhujeth: You having a good day today? Chocho: Yeaaah, enough. You? Fhujeth: Eh, was ok, Jussy did something minor but irritating to me Chocho: Really? =S What did she do? Fhujeth: she messaged me on two seperate accounts of mine within 5 minutes of each other saying Hi on one and "boop" on the other at 5am XD Chocho: Ugghhh... you might wanna tell her that it was 5am and you didn't appreciate it... Chocho: She probably doesn't think time zones Fhujeth: it was more so the... probably... 5 minutes within each other. I can get after a few hrs or osmething if it is important but just to say hi...... within 5 minutes is.... strange Fhujeth: Cus I know I messaged you twice the same day on different accounts but it was after a fight.... and it was over the span of a day. :S Fhujeth: But this was like 3 minutes or less even.. and not even to say anything.... important...

[By the last month of talking to Fhujeth, I have to be honest, I wanted out. But I could tell that if I told her "that's enough, I'm leaving" that she would... well, do exactly what she did. There were a couple of times after fights where I'd say something like "Is this the end?", hoping they'd say "Yeah, let's part ways" so that I wouldn't have to make the run for it and the parting would hopefully be mutual and peaceful, but every time, they wanted the friendship to continue. (As an interesting point, now I'm looking back at these chatlogs, basically every fight/argument had a "So what do you want to do then? We always fight anymore, should we still be friends??" from her in it. This was from quite early on though, so it looks like a threat, rather than a resoution.) The fallout I could sense scared me into not leaving, but I was completely done/spent emotionally otherwise. If I had just not signed into Tox ever again, I would be leaving behind all my friends on there and she would just come find me on tumblr anyway as always... but after "the back event", I found out about all of the horrible stuff she had been doing in regards to me even from months back, the whole talking about me behind my back and villainising me to others. So I decided that was it, wrote her a message about giving the "closure" that she wanted, that she had told me at the start of the friendship (if I wanted to leave I had to give closure, not just disappear). I didn't block Fhujeth so she could have her say and I got nothing but abuse back which I didn't respond to until she blocked me. I have not said a thing to her since. She even sent some horrible, abusive e-mails in the coming months after, knowing I'd see them. Also, it's probably worth mentioning that she sent my boyfriend of many years a direct malicious e-mail, trying to turn him against me.

She says that she was trying to get away from me for ages, but it was the other way around. I was terrified to leave, I even said so to one of my friends, because I could just tell from the atmosphere that if I left, no matter how I did it, she would follow me or try to destroy me. Which is exactly what she did.]

This is a chatlog of Chocho talking to one of her other friends (name censored for protection):

chochomatsu <name>, I'm scared... if I try to cut ties is she going to try and destroy me? It's pretty much the biggest reason why I've let myself be pushed around by her for so long.... this has been going on for months... chochomatsu I can't do it any more... chochomatsu If she's willing to ruin my reputation over a tiny scuffle/misunderstanding... because that's basically what that was a few days ago. Hurt feelings, not even a fight

And this... is the very last thing Chocho said to Fhujeth. The parting message:

11/26/2016 chochomatsu Hey. I can't do this any more.... I found out what you did regarding Monday/Tuesday. I'm not willing to put up with this any longer. It was fun while it lasted and I can't say I didn't have some good times with you, but enough is enough. This is the closure you asked for... thanks for being my friend.... I hope things go well for you from here on out. Goodbye! totally-totty You mean you hurt me so bad? It was fun when it lasted... What do you wanna do with what is owed? Just be even? totally-totty I think it hurt me that you did not get that you hurt me... And then guilt tripped me... Tried to put the blame on me. totally-totty So yeah. It was great while it lasted. Sans the times youd misunderstand me and I would put up with it. totally-totty But i am not all to blame here. If you cannot see what you did wrong. I feel so sad for you. I only retailiate when i have had enough. totally-totty What did you find out exactly? Just for reference. totally-totty That I told people you abused me tooons of times? That when I have had right to be paranoid and scared you told me not to hold it against you but when ai hurt you youve held it against me ever since. totally-totty Ill miss talking to you. But i wont miss the anxiety and stress of feeling like i was walking on eggshells to make sure i said things properly. totally-totty I wont miss you interpreting everything as either aggressive or ignored either. You have hurt me more than you actually know or probably grasp and all you cared was that I ignored your drawing. "If i was in pain id have done this" ya well im not you And id try to apologize but itd always go to a false ear. totally-totty So I leave you with this. I know it sucks to have epilepsy and other physical ailments but please... You have NHS. For your future... Please seek some psychiatric help. You are lucky enough that you get access to it. Utilize it. Also learn how to take a critique.

...wow. After everything I now know this is just... incredible. Fhujeth is insinuating that everything is Chocho’s fault here. That Chocho guilt tripped her(?), hurt her, misunderstood her... and that everything they ever spoke about in their friendship sparked anxiety and stress. And that final attack on Chocho’s physical illness is just flat out despicable. There is NO excuse for that. (Note: Chocho has given me full permission to include this information in this post)

Perhaps, given everything here, it is Fhujeth that needs to seek psychiatric help.

Past this point, Chocho claims to have not spoken to Fhujeth at all hoping that Fhujeth would eventually move on and not cause further drama over the broken friendship. Fhujeth didn’t do that (as I can back up). Emails were sent to Chocho from Fhujeth for months after the final goodbye...

"Have fun, I guess. You really hurt me. You have no idea how much you hurt me. You're a heartless person. I should've known when I first met you. I have no idea what your issue is..."

And...

“And I can NEVER forgive you for the shit you pulled on Jussy you desperate little fuck."

What... seriously?? Fhujeth was the one bugging Jussy for commissions and insulting her behind her back. If Fhujeth is referring to the two aliases thing... jesus fucking christ get over it! People have aliases, big deal! There is some SERIOUS spite here for reasons I can’t fathom. That Chocho managed to get away from her maybe? If you’ve read to this point you’ve seen the level of manipulation aimed at Chocho from Fhujeth.

And, quite importantly I think, it’s clear that Chocho was the one that wanted to get away, not the other way round. An abuser does not try to get away from their target, that’s what the abused does. The abuser is the one that takes chase once their target has got away.

Among other emails sent to Chocho from Fhujeth, there was also one apparently sent to Chocho’s boyfriend in an attempt to get him to turn against Chocho and reveal information to Fhujeth (this I couldn’t believe until I saw it, it’s a SERIOUSLY disgusting move). I wasn’t shown the entire email but I asked if I could see so Chocho asked her boyfriend to hand over some parts... (name changed to Chocho for privacy - real name was used)

Chocho did some really terrible things to me in the past and I can't say I haven't retaliated but even after I've tried to apologize she has kept it up. I just want peace. I have been trying to move on and it has been literally impossible, even with the blacklisting software and blocking.

I'm not here to criticize her or get mad at her, I just want to ask if you can check on her and what she is doing with ask blogging. I know she has stolen an idea from me now, and this I have records of. I think she is running multiple blogs under different aliases too. If anything I am actually more so worried for her mental health than anything else.

It's not my place to start anything. I just want you to look at what she is doing. Please, I urge you to keep this between you and me. I wouldn't be contacting a complete stranger if I wasn't getting desperate.

I think at this point she is running around four different tumblr "identities" and trying to play them off as if they are entirely different people despite it is very clearly in her art style that it is her.

Yes, really. Fhujeth actively tried to get Chocho’s boyfriend to reveal information to her behind Chocho’s back because she was paranoid about what Chocho was “doing with ask blogging”. Now I can’t speak for anyone else but I find this utterly despicable. Not to mention the continued attacks on Chocho’s state of mental wellbeing.

Extras...

[I had so, so many fights with Fhujeth because she'd take something the wrong way or she'd be rude/disgusting or she'd pick a fight.... and every fight lasted FOREVER and I was SO DONE with fighting. My 2 best internet friends for up to 10 years? I have probably had 1 argument with each in those years. And it didn't last and cleared up quick. My best friend in person that I have known since I was about 8 years old? I have had 1 fight with them EVER and it was because of another person. My other best in person friend I have never had a fight with ever. I had another best online friend who I had known since we were 12, she slowly drifted away over time due to changing interests and I think we lost touch when we were about 24 or older by the time that happened... we had 1 fight in the history of us being friends and that was when we were what... 15? Prime time for teenage friend arguments. In general I think it's natural to have at least ONE fight with your best friends that you know for years. But the sheer amount of fighting Fhujeth started between us in less than a year was just incredible...]

While looking for the chatlogs shown in this post, Chocho found a lot of these fights with Fhujeth... but because the post is already very long I have put these in a separate draft here:

https://totty-chan.tumblr.com/private/172180653683/tumblr_p62b4pvIRS1w7dwde

There are also other subjects of interest in this post although they weren’t strictly related to Fhujeth’s claims of abuse from Chocho that she discussed with me. There are also some logs and comments that extend upon the subjects covered in this post, but again, this post has grown into a monster already

tfl;dr

I (Sammy) have had my fair share of bad experiences with Fhujeth over the past year. I have known about the drama between her and Chocho but not any of the details until now. I approached Fhujeth about it asking for proof because I didn’t like the fact she was STILL going around accusing Chocho of being her “abuser” and I didn’t know why. After listening to Fhujeth’s argument and considering her evidence, I went to Chocho to ask her for her side. Up until now Chocho has been very unwilling to talk about anything to do with Fhujeth because it was a very hurtful topic for her. But when I told Chocho that Fhujeth is still claiming that she is the abused, Chocho decided to break silence and... well.. tell me everything. If you’ve read the post, I’d like you to make you own decision on all of this, BUT, in my opinion Chocho is the one that was abused. And in a big way, for a very long time. Manipulation, gaslighting, fear, uncertainty... you name it, Fhujeth tried it. And when Chocho finally decided enough was enough, Fhujeth took chase and terrorized Chocho privately and publicly for months after the friendship was broken up.

tl;dr of the tfl;dr

Fhujeth’s a manipulative, despicable piece of shit who thought she could frame Chocho for her own disgusting behavior.

Considering my personal experiences with Fhujeth and those that I have discussed with others in the past, this article expert-reviewed by a licensed professional counselor describes this situation to near-perfection. I am of the opinion that Fhujeth is living with Antisocial Personality Disorder, or ASPD.

https://www.wikihow.com/Spot-a-Sociopath

Please read if you can and consider your relationship with Fhujeth and if any of this is relevant to you.

Take care of yourselves.

Chocho, I really hope Fhujeth finally leaves you alone. After seeing the proof you have given me I now believe you have been framed for abuse you didn’t commit and I can honestly say you don’t deserve any of the hell you have been dealt for the last year and a half...

#fhujeth #totally totty #totallytotty #chochomatsu #domatsu

[andrewthoughtsbombdiggity]

egnaro krowkcolc a

Upon viewing A Clockwork Orange, a few questions arose in my mind. What kind of movie is this? Where is this going? I saw that the description was “dystopian” and sci-fi, and the strangest thing was that for the first time I watched a movie that was dystopian but wasn’t apocalyptic. Society seemed normal, I mean it seems that this dystopian Britain was obsessed with the 60’s erotica art scene, but normal nonetheless. After a few more times of viewing to see if I could “get it” I gave it an ‘A’ rating. This movie struck me at first as an exploitation and college film with a big studio budget, due to the extreme use of nudity, sex, and phallic/clitoral depictions that were nearly unheard of or seen in a big studio movie. But as previously mentioned I do like to give art a chance, even if it isn’t something I necessarily like or enjoy. The cinematography is done quite well with some shots even allowing you to feel like the main character Alexander De Large, such as the shot where he is watching the films as part of his rehabilitation and he starts shouting in horror, the way the camera is angled gives us a sense of disturbing and unease (1:16:34-1:17:23). 

The film is directed by the late Stanley Kubrick, a renowned and prolific filmmaker and director who’s other movies include 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968 and Eyes Wide Shut (1999). Kubrick adapted the film from the book of the same name. The book was written by Anthony Burgess in 1962 and satirizes government (both left and right wing) it also depicts teenage gangs and violence and monstrous crimes, some of which were changed in the movie. Kubrick’s intention for the film was to satirize government as well, we see this in the many scenes where The Minister of the Interior appears and F. Alexander appears for the second time. Although the film does not out and out say it, It is to be perceived that the Minister of the Interior is the authoritarian side of things and a representative of a government that kind of reveals what makes the film “dystopian” (2:08:20-2:13:15), where he hints that F. Alexander (Alex’s captor) was a “writer of subversive literature” and F. Alexander the government (representative of the Minister of the Interior) “Totalitarian” (1:47:36-1:47:59). There’s always something to this movie, something to uncover, and although it is really wacky and out there, you get the feeling about halfway in that there is something more. You nearly feel brilliant when you pick up on a theme, and there’s a different theme to pick up on every time you watch Clockwork orange. That’s the beauty of it, all the different themes and how they plug into each other, how they play off one another, how they and the movie critique society as a whole. It’s a real thinker’s movie; ripe with analysis and hidden meaning that anyone watching this movie cannot get enough of. The acting in this movie is superb, the actor Malcolm McDowell plays the main character Alexander De Large (Alex), a witty, sociopathic, intelligent youth who delights in classical music (particularly that of Beethoven). The way McDowell plays Alex is so convincing that when he looks at the camera and stares at your eyes, you really feel the piercing above his brow as he stares intently and gravely upon you. His acting really carries the movie as you do follow him and his journey and you really do believe he is a real man. Kubrick as he stated in an interview that his intention and vision for Alex was “Alex is a character who by every logical and rational consideration should be completely unsympathetic, and possibly even abhorrent to the audience,” he continued. “And yet in the same way that Richard III gradually undermines your disapproval of his evil ways, Alex does the same thing and draws the audience into his own vision of life. This is the phenomenon of the story that produces the most enjoyable and surprising artistic illumination in the minds of an audience.” (Far Out staff, “Kubrick Once Explained…” https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/stanley-kubrick-explains-a-clockwork-orange/). And I would agree with this wholly, Alex is the driver of this movie, he was the driver of the book, hence why he is the main character. The audience sees a savage self, a more primal and truer self in Alex as he gallivants on his crime spree(s), it is the fact that he is forced into such rehabilitation that makes us sympathize with what seems to be a man you shouldn’t and couldn’t sympathize. The music is on point and the electronic and despondent rendition of Beethoven’s 9th symphony (played numerous times throughout the film (26:01-28:04, 1:15:41-1:19:29)

is a nice touch that portrays nostalgic longing for yesteryears softens the harsh reality of his cold world, think Fallout 3 & 4 but instead of bubblegum pop and 50’s rock, its classical music in a harsh “near-future” (60’s near future) Britain. Clockwork Orange takes you down a government-sterilized trip down dark corridors and fluorescent hallways, with hints of fascist and socialist agendas, the portrayal of violence, how it affects the youth, even the subjects of free will and can it be taken away? When you are done watching the movie it all ends in a spectacular fashion, with Alex’s picture being taken with the Minister in hopes of swaying public opinion, all the while the previous 10 minutes you slowly start to understand that the effects of his “reboot” were undone as he imagines himself with a woman with an adoring crowd. It ends with Alex narrating to the audience “I was cured, all right”, an eerie and thought provoking line as the cherry on top of a very experimental, philosophical and strange piece of cinema. My heart really warmed up to this film as it is charming despite it obscene and jarring exterior, deeper within is something all can take with them, whatever that is, is up for you to decide. Good luck deciphering the language the delinquent youth use, as I wouldn’t want to spoil it. Another take on the meaning of this movie wouldn’t be surprising as it is still debated whether or not it deserves an X rating or should even considered a great film, but by its cult following and the Stanley Kubrick, who treasured this movie above all else, it is no less than a masterpiece, and I agree.

#clockworkorange blogposts greatcinema

[sweatytyrantwhispers]

Part 4 of things my friends do that make me love them even more:

- both rachel and cristine are artistically talented and i cant fucking wait to see them become famous doing the things they love (i know theyll becoem famous i believe in them tht much) (rachel has a great singing voice; cristine has a great singing voice, knows how to play various intstruments, loves acting, and can paint/draw amazingly)

-seth tells me some catchphraes his fav youtubers say whenever we talk

-none of my friends (nor I) knows how to react or what to say most of the time, especially when it comes to gift giving and compliments; we’re all oblivious and awkward people that don’t understand society

-andy messes up on what to say to customer service people when its evening/night time cus we usually go out around tht time but he’s used to sauing have a good day

-andy also hates intersections so he’ll pretend hes walking in the other direction (away frm the intersection), stand on the sidewalk and pretend hes doing something, or take a whole other route if theres a car nearing the intersection bc he says it feels awkward

-rachel’s favorite animals are dogs and raccoons so when i send her a post abt raccoons she gets rly excited and says she wants to hv a raccoon as a pet when she grows up. She also gets excited when i point out a dog to her in public (she cant see it cus no glasses but still excited by its genert presence)

-dina is scared of lightning so I always try to ask her if shes alright when theres a thunderstorm

-when we go to the park, rachel almost always tries to make tiktoks. We always end up interrupting and annoying her while she makes them though, sorta like our little routine.

-last time we went to the park, rachel ended up accidentally hitting meng and I directly on the face with the volleyball (its ok though cause im pretty sure we’ve ended up accidentally hitting each other with the ball at least once)

-when i got hit with the ball dina asked me if i was ok but as she moved towards me she went for the ball (we were playing monkey in the middle and she was one of the monkeys); its just funny and i love that our friendship is at a point where we could laugh about it and everything is fine

-i told my friends that i was depressed before going to the park to hang out w them. when i got there i kinda just sat on the ground looking through reddit with music on high. they all tried their best to talk to me and tell me funny stories (they said they overheard a group of kids talking about how they pantsed another dude) to cheer me up. Dina and Rachel both decided to give me a hug at the same time and i toppled over. Dina gave me a hug again. I love them so much

- Andy called me while i was in class to tel me to look at the sunset. Its something that both of us have done a few times because we both love sunsets and usually see them when we’re out. Its a small thing but it makes me love my friends even more.

-I was on voice call with Rachel on discord and she laughed then sent the group chat a link to a tiktok

-(not my friend but my mom) She knows that i hate it when things are thrown out when they’re still good or can still be repurposed. Someone brought flowers home for some reason (i forgot why) but she was putting the flowers in a vase one day. Some of the flowers broke off the bigger portion of the stem and couldn’t be put into the big vase but she put a bunch of them into a small container for me and gave it to me. I loved it even though we did hv to throw it out like a few weeks later.

-My friends and I were at Central Park and we were waiting for my two friends to finish up taking pictures. Meng and I were taking a short nap (him sitting down w his elbows on his legs and me w my head on his shoulder) while we waited. We also shared my earbuds to listen to my music. I was p sleepy so I was on the verge of sleeping my also sorta aware of what was going on (mainly cus we were guarding our stuff while everyone else was taking pictures elsewhere). I was doing that thing you do when you’re nodding your head while trying to stay awake/go to sleep. I kept on doing that until he eventually sat up a bit more and pushed my head onto his shoulder better

-Samir looked at a shirt with george washington on it and confidently said that was benjamin franklin

-Dina was talking about how she kept on eating shrimo and peanuts even though she has a mild allergy to it. Rachel and I were telling her to stop and tht we’re not bringing it to the picnic on sunday cus we dont want her dying. She responded, very confidently, tht she “hasnt died before”

-Samir calls dina “d-money”

-Rachel gave me a hug as an im sorry for taking so long. (I genuinely didnt care cus even tho they do take a long time i still v much love them)

-Rachel takes tiktoks and videos of us while we’re out

-Rachel and Dina both got v the excited when i wore a skirt out today because I usually dress more masculine

-A few weeks ago (i think) my friends and I were at the park. I was trying to do something to meng and tripped and fell on the park ground (the part where there’s basically a bunch of tiny rocks on/in the floor). Meng was also trying to do that thing where two people hold a person’s arms and legs and swing them back and forth with me but forgot that if you take someones legs off the floor with no one else holding my arms, i would fall head first onto the park ground, which i did. Both times I laughed at myself but everyone rushed to me while laughing. Idk why but it made me feel like I was ok and safe, even if i was in so much pain, srsly i couldve had a concussion.

- Rachel and I both got excited bc we both wanted to got to the same college

-I call andy when im walking home by myself at night (or when the route im taking doesn’t necessarily hv a lot of people of lights) and he just vibes with me (sometimes talks to me abt how i should b home) until i get home safely

-idk if i already put this but Andy and I have a safe word when we think there might be someone behind us following us at night bc one time when walking home we thought tht and used our now safe word to see if there was someone

-Rachel and Dina do this thing where they take their hand and go from the side of someone else’s body (where the arms are) to the bottom of their legs rly fast while theyre walking. They call it “full body stroke”. They shared it w me and now we do it to meng almost every time we go out. Sometimes we do it together (one person per side).

-While at Central Park there was a dude that was singing (he was rly good). He started singing “Lean on me” by Bill Withers and my friends started singing along with him.

-Rachel sent me a tiktok knowing full well that itd make me gay panic bc yk ✨w o m e n✨

-Dina, Alan, and I stayed out after everyone else went home cus yk they were tired. Dina and I decided to talk like white girls/pick me girls the rest of the night with their stereotypical voices. We laughed the entire time and created weird storylines including: Jessica (Dina), Olivia (me), Jayden (Jessica’s boyfriend and brother that created on Jessica with me and Nicole), Nicole (Jessica’s friend), Olivia’s dad (a convicted felon in all 50 states and is dead), Jessica’s dad (a lawyer that’s also running for president, and Alan (he was just roped into our bs and was there to act like the dude that we both wanted to have as our bf).

- When we were in the bathroom and washing our hands, Dina waited until after the other woman in the bathroom to leave before coming up to me and, in a discreet whisper, told me that the soap was what “good pussy sounds like”

- Rachel, Dina, and I saw a few cats on our way to meet up with Alan and we played w the cats for a bit before one of them said “pspspspsp come here alan” to one of the cats. We now do this frequently to each other even though we hate it.

- We have corrupted each other to the point where we cannot hang out without someone saying “that’s what she said”, something about Dina being white, “just like this dick”, and “deez nuts”. We laugh about it a lot

- Rachel and I are both reasonably out of energy both mentally and physically after our jobs so when I walked w her to a mall w the rest of her friends, we both walked silently with a bit of catching up cause we both understood how the other felt

-We had a water balloon fight today at work (Alan, Rachel, and I work together). Obviously, I took the chance to pop as many balloons over rachel’s head and dump water on her. She tried to spray me w water using a water gun though. Afterwards gave the towel i brought to rachel cause she needed it to change. It’s important to note that rachel has purple hair right now and that the towel was white. key word: was. The towel was now stained a light purple (I dont mind but damn)

- i made rachel a purple raccoon by crocheting it (purple and pink actually). I finished it yesterday (sunday) and gave it today to her at work (monday). I opened the door a bit and peeked my head in with the raccoon just below me in my hands. She was confused at first but then saw the raccoon and her eyes lit up. It was rly cute🥰🥺 to see her get excited. We both nicknamed the raccoon “pimp jr.” and i made a lil name tag/from to tag that said it.

- rachel likes to lip-sync to music shes either listening to or hears in store and sometimes does a little dance with it. Its so cute and I love looking at her do it because it reminds me of why I adore her. She also goes hard when it comes to singing at karaoke. Like damn her vocal range is astounding

- dina got so excited when i asked her if she wanted to binge watch all the twilight movies with me. She looked so cute cus its one of her favorite movies. ugh i love my friends.

-a lot of dudes have crushes on rachel and dina and the both of them usually just try their best to avoid the person or avoid confronting them. Idk why but it kinda makes me feel grateful that I’m close friends with them because I used to have a crush on both of them before when we first met. When I told them i used to have crushes on them they didn’t act weird about it or anything and we continued to be friends. I’m so fucking grateful I’m their friend despite my initial crush on them cause they’re two of them most amazing people I’ve met my entire life.

-rachel, meng, alan, and I went to go watch Shang Chi in movies. In the last few scenes (which were v tense btw) rachel nd I both got rly anxious and squeezed each others hands bc we were scared out favorite characters were gonna get hurt. She squeezed the fuck out of my hand to the point where I couldn’t feel it anymore and neither could she. I’m ok with that though cus I’m glad she finds comfort in squeezing the living fuck out of my hands.

-dina, rachel, and I have matching bracelets from hot topic and i see them wear it almost every time we hang out. Alan and I have a matching pair too but I dont think he’s going to wear it very much (issok tho).

-We went to karaoke yesterday and I dont know how I just realized this but while she’s singing, dina likes to move around a lot. It’s not exactly dancing but not particularly just moving around. Its kinda like that tiny thing ppl do when they’re alone and playing their favorite songs on blast. She’s so cute when she does it, esp because she seems so happy when she does it. Even though I absolutely despise Justin Bieber, I would play his songs over and over again on blast if it made her as happy as she has made me.

-dina and I like to go to the swings and blast “Happier Than Ever” with earbuds in (we share a pair for this) and she screams along to it for the second half

-it’s become a “tradition” for us to go to the swings (most of time) after we’ve done the initial things we already planned out because dina and I love the swings.