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beck-hartman · 5 months

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What a question to ask a couple of teens | Beck.

When: December 16, 2023.

The wind was bitter, inviting all the familiar sting and scents of the coming holiday. Christmas was days away, and Beck found himself alone--a horrible thing to be. His mind hadn't been far from the store he spent much of the latter part of senior year in and out of, and a gift on his list had finally brought a need to return.

Seventeen-Eighteen. What a year to be making life-altering decisions. But when you know...when you have no doubts? The memory lost the sparkle the time actually held, as if his mind left the cloud he hadn't seen hovering in real time. The man--no, the kid--he envisioned possessed more foolishness, more naivete, more bliss-induced ignorance.

"You know, to get from Hart to Hartman, all you need is a man." It was perhaps the lamest of his jokes, but it made her laugh every time. She'd come back with a far better quip about him taking hers instead when they got married. When. Not If. They spoke in whens back then, as though speaking of inevitabilities. He had wondered in the last eight years how many times she'd said it knowing she wasn't going to stay with him, knowing she no longer believed they could beat anything. His dreams too big and her convinced hers weren't big enough.

Hand on the handle, he took a sharp, quick inhale and pushed. The chime rang through the store with its striking familiarity. The one place he'd avoided, he found it exactly as he'd last left it this same time in 2015. It was a time capsule, filled to the brim with nostalgia and old hopes.

"Mr. Hartman." Same store owner, same warmth in his greeting. He held an understanding in his eyes, in the wisdom of the lines that crinkled around them when he smiled.

As if pushing play on an old tape, his gaze traced over the crystal clear cases, rewinding through the years further and further in time. He was seventeen, in here for the first time to look for something to bridge the path from childhood sweethearts to adulthood: a symbol of the forever they continually promised one another. He found it in an oval halo cut diamond with gold band, simple yet elegant and set in a way that reminded Beck a bit of flowers. She was always happiest when he brought her flowers, so it seemed perfect to put one eternally on her finger.

Visit after visit spanned his memory, filled with the echoes of "is it still here?" He waited day after day with the kind of patience held by children awaiting Santa's visit. It would have to be his own money, an idea to this day he didn't know why he was so determined to uphold, but that path had enough 'what if's to drown him.

Then he was eighteen, coming full circle in the memory. She's gone. That was another odd thing, he never really said 'she left me'. She was just gone. Maybe that truth was easier to bear than a choice that was made, a surrender in a fight for them. In the end, it was all loss.

He still saved the money up as planned, came back, stood here. Why he did it would never have an answer, a sort of self-flogging that was undeserved. His only crime had been to dream bigger than reality allowed and miss the signs of his relationship failing.

Twenty-six. He could see the look given, and though he hadn't come for that, the words tumbled out before he could think better of them.

"Is it still here?"

And finally, in all his moments of asking, the answer changed. "No." The tone was quiet, empathetic, knowing. "I held onto it as long as I could for you, Beck. There are others like it, but it's not--"

"--The same, I know," Beck finished for him. Too much time had passed. "I was just curious. We're not there yet anyway." Anymore died a painful, burning death in the back of his throat. Maybe they had never been there at all, maybe it was something kids together as long as they were said. Maybe he was the only one who was ever standing here, saying he'd do it in a heartbeat. "It's Christmas, so I'm here to get her something else actually..."

---

After hiding the gift in his room, he took a moment at the marina. It was a long time ago. He'd already accepted the loss a thousand times over, but like a scab, it kept breaking open to bleed again. His heart had a bruising grip around it, pressure on his chest only fresh, ocean air might possibly release.

The optimist in him said dreams were made to inspire, to find the goals in them to mold them into reality. But maybe that's not what they were. Maybe they were simply visions of hope, something to keep lights shining, fires burning. Perhaps it was reality that had to be accepted as it came, taking the steps only as they were presented to you. Oh, but can a dreamer really stop dreaming?

The odds had always been against them, and the dream wasn't dead, not entirely. Maybe it was like the ring itself, it couldn't be the same but that didn't mean the one for them wasn't out there. It was now less of an inevitability and more of a maybe someday. The love would last forever either way. If standing on the beach in the middle of the End of Summer Bash had showed them anything, it was they'd always be in love. This was their real thing.

Beck didn't ask for much, for so long it was two things: to travel and to marry Shosh. Well, he got one. Even if it would have been the thing sacrificed if he'd been asked to choose between them. Whatever dreams were, this one needed to be put away for the foreseeable future. This was time she needed, and time was something he could give her.

And that was the story. That was the reality of it. The ring was gone, to somebody with hopefully a better story to tell, and maybe one day there would be another. His weight resting through his forearms onto the pier, Beck wasn't sure how to feel about that, maybe he'd never be. And that's just what it was.

Making his way to a secluded spot, he took the joint from his pocket he'd picked up when he dropped the gift off. A flicker of flame, inviting an end of this pain.

Is it still here?

No.

--

Where'd you go?

I was in New York.

--

Six months?

Seven months, thirteen days.

--

I was in New York…multiple times. Harley was up there too, and I went to visit him.

I know. Well, I assumed. Harley and I were together a lot in New York, he actually worked at the bar with me...

--

For what it’s worth, I wanted to tell you. But Shosh didn’t want you to know and it wasn’t my relationship so I didn’t feel like it was my place, you know?

--

You should leave.

--

I’m not the same anymore, Beck.

Rising from deep within his very soul, he released a guttural scream. The sound carried away by winds and waves into the depths of the ocean until his throat ached and weight lifted. Hitting his knees first, he collapsed back onto the sand as he flicked his lighter open again bringing it to the stick now pressed between his lips until the end began to simmer. Smoke entered his lungs like a warm blanket against the cold. Numbness followed, vanishing into an empty mind. The world seemed brighter again, or maybe that was the sun above him.

How rare it is to meet your soulmate when you’re only four years old, and how cruel when it's not as simple as such luck should be.

#( self para. )#( loved you first when we were children | beck & shosh. )#weed tw #drug use tw #drug use = smoking weed #// this broke my heart into tiny pieces and I spent way too much time in it but I wanted it out of my head #but gosh I forgot how much I love a self para tho.

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idiot-mushroom · 4 days

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they’re baked af

og pic:

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fxlsegods · 1 month

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🎡

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phosmic · 1 year

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he can be your angel devil, zaza devil, gender devil even

#i did this in 2 hrs i am not gonna clean this one up but <3 #akiangel #csm aki #csm angel #aki hayakawa #angel devil #csm #scribblescrabble #drug use -#god do they need to smoke weed so bad

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stxnerredxx · 21 days

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i’ll bend over for u anywhere anytime ;)

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anotherpapercut · 9 months

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genuinely so many of you want to be leftist and "punk" and countercultural soooooo bad but you refuse to become comfortable with the concept of people taking drugs for fun because they like it and not because they were somehow tricked or forced into it without knowing what they were getting themselves into

you'll be like "addiction is a disease!!" but think you're better than those degenerate stoners because you only drink energy drinks and white claws and would never touch "illegal drugs"

many if not most drugs CAN be consumed completely safely with almost 0 risk to the user and even if that werent true and all drugs were extremely dangerous you still wouldn't be better than those of us who love doing drugs recreationally

lighten up and grow up. get offline, talk to real adults, and stop being shocked to discover that they enjoy doing stuff that adults do like have sex and do drugs and even listen to rock and roll

#put punk in parantheses bc yall are hardcore straight edge at best lmao #goes to a punk show in someones basement and gasps when i see people snorting coke off each other in the corner #anyway heres your regular reminder from your friendly neighborhood drug addict that drugs can be and often are consumed safely #LSD‚ MDMA‚ psilocybin‚ cannabis of course‚ ketamine‚ coke‚ whippets. these are all drugs that i personally have used #and that are completely safe when used correctly and by someone who doesn't have some sort of allergy #even if someone is on a dangerous drug like meth or heroin you are not better than them #in fact theyre probably a lot chiller than your ass if youre still viewing drugs as a thing for 'degenerates' to do #literally can not hang out with non druggies anymore bc they cannot stop themselves from moralizing it #i mention that my vape has thc in it and i get That Look and a bunch of 'i would never smoke weed. i mean its fine. i just would NEVER'#i get it! you view drugs as a thing thats only for poor people or people who dont care about themselves or whatever #i call that the go ask alice effect. people will think you smoked weed then immediately had sex got pregnant and died of a heroin overdose #even when they think theyre being super progressive

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codgod · 8 months

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finally got around to drawing them as the mystery gang but also i didn’t even try to keep the outfits the same as the characters they’re supposed to be. pretzel has become puppy

#.png #jrwi #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #jay ferin #jrwi chip #idk if i should tag pretzel since she’s a dog lol #for anyone curious she’s a red heeler #i’m not great at drawing animals so idk how much that comes across lol #no lizzie i decided i’d just keep it to the riptides #also uh #drugs tw #because that is supposed to be weed. i know that’s not how most people hold blunts but it was easier to draw lol #don’t smoke weed around ur pets btw it’s bad for them #ik the van looks kinda weird btw dw about it i wasn’t using a reference for most of it #i will if i draw it again though lol

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intoxpetting · 3 months

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having a little diamonds treat this morning 🩷

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ticklishcicada · 1 year

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Super Aerith-io Smoking Weed The Movie [4K HD Remaster]

#Aerith Gainsborough #Final Fantasy #final fantasy vii #ff7 #ffvii #420 #weed #drugs #april 20th #smoking #low poly #lowpoly #polygonal #aerith use enemy skill materia to get smog!!!!!!!!!#smoke gay weed everyone

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dayurno · 6 months

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on the topic of kevin smoking weed…what do you think his first time was like. do you think he got scared or do you think it completely mellowed him out for once?

HE GOT SCARED 🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽🏃🏽 i think kevins first time smoking weed was in the nest because they were college aged after all and breaking the master’s rules is survival at one point or another. i don’t think riko was involved (imagine that) and that made kevin’s paranoia skyrocket, so when he does smoke he gets really afraid and anxious and it’s a total vibe killer. i can see kevin and jean smoking in the nest and immediately fucking like rabbits about it though

his Second time he does mellow out. the second time is with the monsters and andrew’s close supervision so when kevin does smoke he is well fed and hydrated and lying comfortably which makes the experience much better even if their weed is considerably cheaper. i dont think he does much then!!! nothing besides giggling at the ceiling and lying his head on andrew’s or nicky’s laps. for some reason i can see him trying to teach the monsters japanese nursery rhymes and accidentally making them all have children’s songs stuck in their heads for weeks

the REAL deal is when neil joins them though. neil’s overall anti drug behavior is very quickly put to test by a high as balls kevin day performing every increasingly ridiculous exy trick neil can come up with on court. an eye opener experience for neil

#asks #i love you kevin day i need to give you drugs #andrew: if you were a baby bird id feed you drugs and alcohol kevin: I understand #also the idea of kevjean smoking together in the nest always has me in shambles #the gnarliest poorest thinnest most diy joint youve ever seen in your life #rolled with grocery store bag paper #lit up by the stove #like its insane. its crazy.#HONESTLY just between us #dont kevjean have that vibe of getting high and IMMEDIATELY fucking like rabbits #WEED THAT MAKES YOU GAY #the first time jean smokes weed at usc hes at some frat party and hes hit with #intense flashbacks of frankly some of the nastiest sex of his life #(brings bong to his mouth) WHY MYNDICK HARD #anyway #kevin #kevjean #kandrew

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ask-the-totally-real-peppino · 1 year

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(I saw them content warnings and the first thing that came to my mind to the mention of weed was peppino sitting on a bean bag smoking some zaza

WAIT I JUST ASLO THINKED OF PEP FUCKING STONED TOO HVVFGUKVYFUG)

(Ajfdjdf, that's pretty much spot on! Peppino sometimes gotta chill tf out, and Gus knows where the good stuff is!

I'm not sure about Pep tho, I am imagining all his animal DNA would not gel with the weed, and he just ends up sick

But that also means he could be affected by catnip instead, and that is very funny to me)

#ooc post #but yeah Peppino and Gustavo don't smoke too often #just when they wanna chill or have a particularly bad pain flare up y'know #and when someone can watch Brick bc she is not allowed any!!!#I guess Pep can watch her bc he would not be allowed any either #so that solves that!#either way it probably won't happen a lot in the context of the story!#okay time to make dinner bc I'm hungry!!!#and then update maybe #drugs //#drug use //#drug mention //#weed //#weed mention //#smoking //

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calliemity · 2 months

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craziest thing about going to a good dentist for once is finding out that i have been getting overdosed on laughing gas my entire life, and the symptoms i thought were normal were overdose symptoms. so now i have to reevaluate what orin's experience on nitrous would be like, because APPARENTLY feeling like youre floating and like your hands are made of static means you are getting way too much. insane

#also in general orin is so cringe for using nitrous specifically its probably the worst drug to use recreationally #i mean like. in terms of safety the drug itself is extremely safe #but if you want something thats going to keep an effect on you for longer than 3 seconds #laughing gas isnt gonna do that. its fast acting and fast leaving. if youre not getting a constant supply youll sober up so fast #goddamn it orin just smoke weed like everyone else. loser

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onesmolhurts · 1 year

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