#escaping their abusive mom

[pain-is-my-game]

It's terrible knowing that if I ever show sadness or show anything emotion that's not positive towards anything whether it's my fault or not I'll either get blamed for it or told that my emotions are irrational.

#i will never care if you reblog #im so tired #i just wanna escape #vent #tw vent #cw vent #eldest daughter syndrome #sad thoughts #eldest daughter #eldest sibling #oldest daughter #toxic mother #emotional neglect #emotional abuse #emotional abandonment #toxic mothers #toxic mom #toxic parents #thoughts to throw into the void

[aurillio-thoughts]

a complex sirius who loves his family, especially his mom, is so much more tragic and nuanced and interesting than a sirius who flat out hates his family and i will die on that hill

#it’s more realistic too honestly #when you experience consistent emotional abuse from your family usually a big part of it is gaslighting #and no matter how much we hate it we can’t make ourselves stop loving our parents #a sirius who silently cries in the middle of the night because he misses his mom is so much more real #he hates them and loves them and wants to escape them but doesn’t know how to live without them #i will die on this hill #you can’t tell me i’m wrong #sirius #sirius black #walburga black #black family #noble and most ancient house of black #orion black #regulus black #marauders #marauders era #aurillio rambles

[datascatvislorturlough]

Being homeschooled as a way to prevent any contact with the outside world was a wild trip. Not a fun trip. No, it was abusive, alienating, extremely lonely, and with absolutely no escape possible. I couldn't find refuge in friends, because I had none. I couldn't get help from a counselor, because there were none. I absolutely could not tell a mandated reporter what I was going through, because there were none. I couldn't get help from child services, because I didn't know they existed. I couldn't get help from anyone. No one came and saved me. No one.

You controlled everything about me. My clothes, my hair, my relationships, where I went and how long I was there. You made one ultimate and stupid assumption, and it will haunt you later. You could control who I was with, the environments around me, etc...

You made a big mistake in thinking you could truly control my thoughts. You made a big mistake in allowing me internet access at 13. You made a big mistake in allowing me to go to community college. I thank you for these.

I dreamed of my life without you. I dreamed of my life: without you.

THE ENTIRE TIME.

You'll be left behind. I won't look back. I won't help you. I won't save you. I won't talk to you. I won't be near you. I won't answer you.

You're lucky I have three siblings who care about you in the way you want them to.

Good luck.

#parental abuse #parental abuser #homeschooling #ex christian #ex southern baptist #physical abuse #emotional abuse #trauma #religious trauma #fuck christianity #fuck you mom #fuck you dad #fuck the church #i'm so tired #i want to escape

[mybodypaystheprice]

I might?! Finally have?? A place??? To live??

#like to rent #and escape my abusive parents #moving in with my QPP #she’s got a job #and my Etsy shop is going well #we’ve been searching forever #and the city is like the Bay Area San Francisco of Canada #so we’re living on the island instead #and I’m taking my cat #my mom is like #literally upset that I’m doing well

[heyitsphoenixx]

.

#personal vent incoming to just get off my chest don't be weird about it #i've known since i was a kid that my dad was overtly abusive but #just in the last 3-5 months i've learned my mom was and currently is almost just as abusive #but she's just covert about it instead #all of my adolescence was about surviving my dad who was so obviously a monster that he was almost easier to deal w in a way by comparison #this is. what an utter mind fuck #there's also like. no member of my family that i can turn to for help #bc they're either just as bad or my mother has ruined any relationship i might have w them over time #and i also fear being a burden #so i'm making a plan to get out but god it's overwhelming thinking about doing it all alone #and the thought that it might take years to actually get out or get healthy #she's kept me isolated from any support for so long #and im afraid any family that could possibly help wouldn't fully understand or they would be just as bad as her #and it feels impossible to progress at all bc im living w her and literally filed as her dependent on taxes #like ik this is gonna be the hardest thing to escape in my life and i've already escaped a lot #but this time i have to largely on my own #is v scary #and she's conditioned me to believe that i can't make any right decisions on my own without her #and that anything i do is always 'backwards' #makes it that much harder to make a clear plan #her work schedule is so inconsistent that it makes getting therapy online (since i don't have a license or car yet) nearly impossible #to do it without her or my brother listening #that i've just felt trapped for years #but. i can Tell i'm getting better now and rapidly. more than i've been for a v long time #so the process is just beginning and i think even she can tell #which is also dangerous #but ik i can do this its just the amount of time and effort and organizing behind her back and doing it alone thats v overwhelming #but anyway #we stay silly

[cactusfru1ts]

i was watching psych with mom and during one of the flashback scenes she was like “you know since this show is presented from shawns point of view and hes such an unreliable narrator, maybe all of these scenes are exaggerations? these could just be a misremembered caricature of his father because hes so much more mellow in the present day of the show” and i went on like. i gave a whole fucking presentation about how shawn is a liar but hes not a compulsive liar and he has no reason to lie to himself or to the viewers, he has an eidetic memory and his dad is still the kind of person to save an unfinished doghouse for decades just as an “i told you so” no matter how much more mellow you think he seems and so many of the characters are so over the top on their own anyways and she was like wow that was a really insightful and well thought out analysis and then 20 minutes later shawn made a joke about being into nurses and i actually paused the show to try and convert her to me and my siblings conspiracy theory that the other reason shawn spencer is Like That is because he watched a lot of mash and imprinted on hawkeye pierce at a very young age and i literally watched her expectations lower themselves back down to their earlier position in real time

#psych #psych tv #shawn spencer #i stand by everything i said btw. both about shawn being a reliable narrator and about him imprinting on hawkeye pierce lmao #im just absolutely convinced that hawk was to shawn as shawn was to me #also yes my mom questioning if shawns memory of his abusive parent is accurate did not escape me #but like we dont have TIME to unpack all of that. lmao #for now its just funny. dont think too hard about it! #quetzposting

[handweavers]

theme of the month really is "here are the cycles of pain and suffering that people get trapped in due to generational poverty and the mental illness and addictions that naturally arise from the anguish caused by that. watch as it eats people you love. you can't save them because this is greater than yourself. they can't save themself either because the system is so stacked against them. no one else can save them either, or anyone really, on an individual level, because the cause of these problems go far deeper than that and the wheels were set into motion so long ago that there is no other path anymore. all you can do is witness."

#between my friend and her kids having to escape IPV bc her ex was threatening to strangle them #and then finding out one of my cousins on my moms side had a fatal od due to bad supply/unsafe conditions #i just dont have the words rn #domestic abuse mention #overdose mention

[s4pphoiduser]

blind (2022) is driving me insane. im begging my friends to watch it but theyre either busy with exams or almost exclusively fluff/romance-watchers . i need to talk ab this w someone just hit me up or something GOD

#kdrama blind (2022) #blind 2022 spoilers #tvn ocn blind (2022) #so my theory is the same as other peoples' its confirmed that 13 yoonjae is sungjoon so im thinking sunghoon was there too (somehow idk) an #that hes 11 and jung inseong the juror is 12. 11 and 12 seem to be real brothers? bc in ep1 11 said 'go meet mom' and not 'go meet your mom #and maybe 11 and 13 escaped together after hiding under the floorboards? since sj Was adopted maybe he was taken in when the parents found #sh after they escaped together? and the thing is everyone is involved somehow so if the mother was like in a high position at the center (i #i didnt the lady at the start of ep7 for someone else) then how was sunghoon there? idk i havent gotten that far on my theory except that #hes 11. maybe they were Both adopted? so the next to die is either the lady idr her name or the producer guy. 24 + 7 r confirmed dead now #13 is sungjoon. and inseong is def connected to this somehow like the rest of the jury. ergo my theory that hes 12. also i think the body #they found w ahn taeho's phone in ep8 is jung yoonjung's (yoonjae's older sister) bc of the necklace and the size of the skeleton. so now #they've found one body from the events of 20 years ago that happened at the center. all the jurors' kids will be killed as revenge for the #parents turning a blind eye on them as kids so theyre being punished by having their beloved children taken away from them. i think its #amazing how theyre all connected they dont know it at all. choi soongil was the only one who recognized ahn taeho (bc of the scar) and #yeom hyejin didnt know her father was sending kids to be abused and enslaved. kang youngki saw kids in numbered uniforms doing hard labor #never said a word bc keeping it a secret earned him money that he spent on his own kid who wouldve been around the same age as them. #from ep8 we see that the producer made a docu on the center and just buried it. and ofc mr baek who was the ringleader of all this. #his daughter killed on her birthday and kang youngki's daughter killed on her wedding day as retribution. im sad that ahn taeho died living #a life of guilt and fear moving around all the time but at least hes free from that now. im glad he got to apologize to 'yoonjae' for it #honestly i cant be mad at ahn taeho bc he was a survivor and a child and terrified. also is it just me or did sunghoon look disappointed #when ahn taeho confessed? like thats all the evidence i have supporting my theory that hes 11 i think. ofc theres the vibes? that he and #sungjoon have more history than the shows let on so far but if he was 11 he would be so disappointed bc he planned their escape #anyway come talk to me about this its driving me crazy

[mejomonster]

One of my favorite anxiety tips i read, was this: if you tend to fear the worst outcome will happen or be very stressed about something (like say going to the grocery store, a party, going to the doctor visit, riding the bus, whatever)

Before you go, take a moment to think out a few things. 1. Think the worst case, that you're possibly fearing, and what you might do if it happened or what consequences it might have. Say you're worried about going to the grocery store. For me, I may be worried worst case they won't have what I need, I'll forget what I need, the cashier tries to talk to me and i royally fuck up what I say, they call me a bitch, maybe I run into an ex at the store who tries to follow me. For me maybe I'd plan to just leave asap if any of those things happen: just go straight home, never go to that specific grocery store again, do my shopping online next time from a different store. Basically I think of what I'm scared of, and what my plan maybe is if it happens.

2. Think of your best case scenario. Really be indulgent, whatever is your personal best case. For me, if I don't want to see anyone, my best case is the grocery store is quite empty and I don't have to look at anyone, everything I need is there and easy to get to AND the Jean jacket I really want is there for sale for like $6 and in my exact size, and maybe when I check out I get complimented on my hair (or the cashier barely notices me). For you, it might be that you get tons of compliments on your cute clothes, everything is cheaper than usual, you meet the love of your life in the baked goods isle and they get your number and ask you on a date, you run into your best friend there and she talks to the cashier for you (if you don't like talking to the cashier), and you get to pet a puppy outside the store (if you like puppies). You can make the best case scenario as awesome as you want it to be. (And honestly you'd be surprised how potentially awesome the actual outing could be... I did my "best case dream scenario" for a vacation I was worried about once and 90% of my unrealistic best case stuff happened).

3. Now think of a realistic case of what will probably happen. Something in between your worst fear and best hopes. For me, for grocery shopping, the realistic case I'd think about would be: I go, some stuff is for sale and somes expensive but I mostly end up spending what I planned, it's a bit busy but no one talks to me because I don't talk to them, if I see anyone who lives around here i dont want to talk to then i just walk away from the area they're in, I get most of what I went for but maybe forget a couple things or they don't have them, I check out and maybe say "have a nice day" to the cashier and feel stupid but I leave and the cashier forgets what I said because they don't know me and see hundreds of people a day. I leave. It's not a super great time but it's not super awful.

When you actually go, the realistic case you thought of is the closest to how it will probably actually go. The realistic case is usually something that can be gotten through. (And if you thought of worst, best, and realistic cases, and the realistic is still "i get physically hurt badly" or "I have a panic attack and have no safe escape and try to kill myself" then it's probably fair to just Not Do it even if people are pressuring you to).

If something worse happens, you might already have a plan for it (my plan is to leave immediately if something I really dislike happens and pick a different grocery store in town in the future), if something better happens (like if you love puppies and get to pet one) then maybe scary outing had some parts you enjoyed.

This doesn't work for everything. It's helped me with some everyday situations though.

#anxiety #rant #advice #so like. personal examples of when it has worked versus has not: #when i moved out of my parents i had an unhealthy codependent and quite traumatized relationship with them #it was simply NEVER safe to bring up certain topics with my mom. and visiting my mom #always included in the worst case scenario: leave immediately if she screams or hits you. drive a neighborhood away and park #immediately call friends so you dont try to kill yourself in the middle of a panic attack. #and also included: if you cant call a friend when you go? then do NOT go to moms. if you cant safely escape if #a panic attack starts? do NOT go over there. #so like... even with worst best realistic cases? there were times it simply was not safe to visit my mom #because the worst case risk of suicide attempt with no one to reach for support was Not something safe to risk #likewise say your situation is you left TV at physically abusive ex's house and want to pick it up #the reality is. if you have no people to back you up. then worst case the ex may hurt you if you #go over alone to get your TV. in which case you simply Cannot go get your tv. not without friends. the worst case isnt #worth the risk. #now situations where best worst realistic often helps me? doctors #im horribly afraid of them. worst case: they refuse to treat me while im actively dying and i need to go to ER #when that happens i dont usually risk shit with doctors #but if i AM stable enough im not actively dying? then worst case is they hate me and refuse to help me #and then i go find a New Doctor who treats me respectfully and helps me (ultimately a bad outcome that i can endure and fix) #best case: doctor greatly improves my quality of life and helps figure out whats wrong and treat me #normal case: doctor orders some possibly useful test and prescribes a possibly useful med afterward #and if it helps yay. if it doesnt help i call them or have another appointment and they try some #more tests and meds. #best and normal case are good. even worst case i can endure (as long as im not actively dying) #this also works good for: should i go to party. to fair. to store i like. to discord chat. etc #if its something you Really Like then your Best Case Scenario might be so wonderful it will make you want to bear the fear to do it anyway

[dsgustng]

Sometimes i just.. think about how every single family member or adult/guardian etc in my life ranged from being clearly annoyed or uninterested in me; just sorta tolerating my existence at best to physically assaulting me and verbally abusing me day in and day out at worse. I don't think I had a single positive influence growing up. No one loved me or found worth in my existence. I'd show people my heart and they'd throw it to the ground and stomp on it. I'd show people my artwork and they'd tear it up in front of me, my comfort objects confiscated and destroyed, my special interest mocked. I couldn't just be "normal". Everything about me was an annoyance. Something worth punishing me over..... I can't... Think of a single person who showed me unconditional kindness. I don't understand what I did to deserve that kind of treatment.. I really don't ..

#teachers thought it was funny to humilate and bully me in front of my peers because i was the weird 'problem child' #anything i used as an escape just became another source of pain #my artwork was constantly thrown away and ripped up #my comfort objects were constantly taken and stolen/destroyed too by other kids #and it go home and get mercilessly abused by my mom every single day #teachers were mean. my peers were mean. my family snd other adults were mean #the only ppl who were nice to me were the adults who were grooming me of course i was easy prey #grooming tw #child abuse #ableism #the torment is fucking endless i can hardly function #how do i fucking live like this how do i grow from this #it feels hopeless at times im fucking serious #i feel like i was born to fucking kill myself #suicide tw #negative #vent

[strawtebby]

Love the idea that once Luz is home and with her mom she goes into “I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine do not look at me I will shatter I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine” mode in OVERDRIVE. What I want though? Camilla doesn’t notice. She’s just so happy Luz is home and out of danger, and most importantly acting like she always did that she doesn’t register that Luz is that badly effected. She obviously knows Luz needs help and is trying to help her, but focuses on the other kids because Luz has always been her rock just as much as she’s been Luz’s and she thinks she can handle it for the most part. Especially when she’s home, she should be fine, and all these other kids, the poor things, are displaced and far from home, their parents must be so worried, she needs to take good care of them, make sure their ok. Luz will be alright, she’s always been strong emotionally. After all… she was fine after her dad died.

#the owl house #sorry I’m just projecting #also that line Vee said to Luz about her having no reason did NOT sit well with me #Camilla was by NO MEANS abusive #but I recognize Luz’s behaviors #she was absolutely using her fantasy world to push away negative emotions #a coping method Camilla obvious encouraged at one point and then flipped on later #that was painful and hurtful for Luz #she goes as far as to THROW AWAY HER COMFORT ITEM to please her mom #she would OBVIOUSLY want to escape those emotions #the boiling isles was just a convenient way to do that at first #but then it became *real* it became important #it became something she couldn’t just abandon #Luz makes drastic choices when pressured into giving up things she loves #going to the isles #destroying the door #can’t wait to see what she does know that she’s been forced to give up her adoptive brother and mother : #🙃

[chaoticgremlinwholikescheese]

Don’t wanna examine why playing hide and seek ignited my fight or flight so much

#cause like. i was never physically abused but I remember hiding in my closet to escape my moms yelling

[dylanconrique]

it pains me how much i truly hate the family i was born into. 😔

#*and this is icarly! #*personal #my father is an alcoholic verbally and physically abusive pos #my mom is racist and homopobic and refuses to believe i am bi #i have two older brothers who act like a couple of inbred monkeys and continue to bully me like they always have even though we are adults #i hate that i have no way of escaping them right now cause i don't have a job or enough money saved up to get my own place #honestly plan on cutting all ties with them once i do though cause i just can't handle this shit #it's severly messing with my mentality and i fear i'll never be 100% happy without them #sorry i'm in a mood and i just had to get this out #*bpd tag

[alloutshirt]

disclaimer : this is a personal life vent look away

shouldn’t be sharing this but i need to take it off my brain (wow reading it back it really sounds like i lost my mind but unfortunately it’s all true and not all of it fits in 30 tags lmaooo)

#because at this point it’s too funny not to share #keep in mind that all of this happened in the last two months 😭 #so my dad wants to introduce us to his new gf who he met barely two weeks ago on holidays and will now move in and look for a job here caus #she’s from romania and wants to stay ????? #i know because my dad asked me to clear my room so she has one which okay i guess #my room that’s currently full cause we had to get the stuff we stored at my grandparents following my parents breakup as they’re themselves #getting a divorce after 60 years together and selling the family home we all grew up in #this happening because my grandma got diagnosed with alzheimer n my grandpa so this as an escape door to talk about her being violent #cause breaking news we all looked up to them as the inspiration for a couple but apparently she’s been abusive their whole life #we also just learned to our last name should be different as my grandpa never knew his dad and too his mothers name #all of this we learned having to question our aunt cause we found out by randomly seeing to house on selling website and our dad just sayin #'sometimes people aren’t in love anymore' like we’re 5 yo #i don’t think my dad ever processed any emotion #taking it back to my dad he wants to introduce us on the 16th which funny thing is the day my mom is getting married to her partner #and im still not sure if my dad knows #marriage that makes me sicker the closer it gets cause the guy is a walking red flag and lately i haven’t seen my mom that much #cause i can’t stand him and how she is when he’s around #which he always. is. #oh and his daughter who hasn’t talked to him in years and truly i get it sis will be here but everyone knows #it’s to ask him for the money he doesn’t have again #so im torn but also i up she makes a fuss and everything gets cancel so i don’t have to talk to my mom about how she’s doing exactly #what she promised to never fall for again after finally ditching my dad #and like at least my mom’s side is out of the equation as there’s probably still a murderer on the loose looking for her sicko sister #who herself threatened my mom several times cause my mom dared calling her out on abandoning her disabled daughter to live #with their parents for twenty years and still now with them nearing 80 being sick and broke cause they never made it official and she’s #still the one getting money support lmaooo #oh how could i forget im also staying at my dads cause my big sister moved back with my mom and took my room #following her breakup with her bf of 4 years when she caught him cheating with a 16 years old #oh and now some of my best friends are still deliberating wether they ever wanna talk to me again #this could be fine if i could cry **** *** and dissociate but i no longer have my own room :) being so so brave rn :)

[draculasbane]

!!!

#Things got straightened out and me and my mom are closer to moving now :D my faith in life is restored oh my god I’m so happy I just gotta #be patient now I’m so freakin happy I hope it’s smoother waters from now on and we can escape this abuse man 😭😭😭 #// abuse mention