Being homeschooled as a way to prevent any contact with the outside world was a wild trip. Not a fun trip. No, it was abusive, alienating, extremely lonely, and with absolutely no escape possible. I couldn't find refuge in friends, because I had none. I couldn't get help from a counselor, because there were none. I absolutely could not tell a mandated reporter what I was going through, because there were none. I couldn't get help from child services, because I didn't know they existed. I couldn't get help from anyone. No one came and saved me. No one.
You controlled everything about me. My clothes, my hair, my relationships, where I went and how long I was there. You made one ultimate and stupid assumption, and it will haunt you later. You could control who I was with, the environments around me, etc...
You made a big mistake in thinking you could truly control my thoughts. You made a big mistake in allowing me internet access at 13. You made a big mistake in allowing me to go to community college. I thank you for these.
I dreamed of my life without you. I dreamed of my life: without you.
THE ENTIRE TIME.
You'll be left behind. I won't look back. I won't help you. I won't save you. I won't talk to you. I won't be near you. I won't answer you.
You're lucky I have three siblings who care about you in the way you want them to.
Its very interesting to me that archaeologists are finding tons of evidence that in prehistoric times disabled people were accomodated and cared for because when I was a child my dad told me the opposite.
The example he used, as I remember it, was this: "Imagine we lived in prehistoric times as hunter gatherers. Let's say you broke your leg. Taking care of you would be a liability for all of us, so we'd have to leave you behind to die :)"
At the time I was bewildered and hurt, but I accepted his answer. Now I just think my dad is a terrible person.
Starting to realise Octavia’s song ‘My World Is Burning Down Around Me’ could also work really fucking well for a younger Blitzø song. Here are the official lyrics from Loo Loo Land:
My world is burning down around me
My deep despair is what surrounds me, yeah
Your dark decay
I feel so sad
It's black and grey
I hate you dad
You never change
You only lie
It's all the same
My world is burning down around me
My deep despair is what surrounds me, yeah
My world is burning down around me
My deep despair is what will drown me, yeah
So now I can only imagine Blitzø and Octavia bonding because Octavia has the song playing in her headphones too loud and Blitzø goes “Hold on, is that Fuck You Dad?” and then they have a whole ass discussion about how it’s the story of their lives and they realise they’re Maybe Not So Bad/Different After All™️
Dad complained about my identity, and you know what that means.
So dad went off spewing and speaking pure Yappanese to me about how this is all bogus. And while saying that, he pointed to my nonbinary flag and the omnisexual flag (which was a shitty painting and I am not good at mixing colors) in which he called the "Unicorn-Gender" flag.
All of this over the fact that I did not hand a collage of me and some family members in my own room.
So in the rules of this community,
when someone complains about someone's gender,
we add another one.
Before
Due to reasons I’m currently staying at my parents and man I just love how uncomfortable my transness makes my dad. When he misgenders me it doesn’t even bother me he just sounds so unsure of himself!
Speaking of memory, that last post I reblogged just reminded me of the time my father told me that my memory was worse than a dementia patient.
I just find that so so fucking funny because now that I'm older and actually work with dementia patients at my job, dementia is so so much more than just memory loss and the memory loss in dementia is so unique and unlike anything else that causes memory loss, like you can't teach a dementia patient something new because they're incapable of learning new things due to the fact they have little to no short term memory and are also losing long term memories as the disease progresses.
So fuck you dad. You're a cunt. If you really believed my memory was that bad how come I never saw a doctor? Hmm? Or why didn't you try to find ways to help me with my memory issues? Why did you just yell and hurl insults at me, like that solves anything? Care to explain, father?
I hate how easily I was able to get rid of my dad but it’s gonna take a lifetime of trying to heal to get rid of the pain and fear he’s brought me over my lifetime