#and no matter how much we hate it we can’t make ourselves stop loving our parents

[aurillio-thoughts]

a complex sirius who loves his family, especially his mom, is so much more tragic and nuanced and interesting than a sirius who flat out hates his family and i will die on that hill

#it’s more realistic too honestly #when you experience consistent emotional abuse from your family usually a big part of it is gaslighting #and no matter how much we hate it we can’t make ourselves stop loving our parents #a sirius who silently cries in the middle of the night because he misses his mom is so much more real #he hates them and loves them and wants to escape them but doesn’t know how to live without them #i will die on this hill #you can’t tell me i’m wrong #sirius #sirius black #walburga black #black family #noble and most ancient house of black #orion black #regulus black #marauders #marauders era #aurillio rambles

[rpstartersinc]

* 𝐇𝐁𝐎'𝐒  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐔𝐒  /  𝐄𝐏  𝟑,  𝟒  &  𝟓.

feel free to change pronouns / wording!

“ want your jacket back? ”

“ never been in the woods. more bugs than i thought. ”

“ i don’t want your sorries. ”

“ i wasn’t gonna say i’m sorry. ”

“ nobody made you go along with this plan. ”

“ don’t blame me for something that isn’t my fault. ”

“ what are you looking out for? ”

“ is it something lame, like you fell down the stairs or something? ”

“ someone shot at me and missed. ”

“ i gotta grab some stuff i stashed. ”

“ you ask a lot of goddamn questions. ”

“ i had a friend who knew everything about this game. ”

“ there’s this one character named mileena who takes off her mask and she has monster teeth and then she swallows you whole and barfs out your bones! ”

“ ah, getting funnier. ”

“ dude, you got to go up in the sky! ”

“ so everything came crashing down in one day? ”

“ if you have to get bit to be infected, then who bit the first person? ”

“ there’s stuff up there you shouldn’t see. ”

“ well now i have to see. ”

“ whatever it was, think it’s gone. ”

“ dead people can’t be infected. ”

“ it doesn’t get old. ”

“ i’m not infected! ”

“ why did you take that long to answer? ”

“ i thought about lying for some reason, but the reason didn’t come. ”

“ i’m letting you go, so go. ”

“ if i feed you, then every bum you talk to about it is gonna show up here looking for a free lunch. ”

“ you already know i’m bad at lying. ”

“ everything tastes good when you’re starving. ”

“ i know i don’t seem like the type. ”

“ would you stop!? ”

“ paying attention to things, it’s how we show love. ”

“ there are no friends to be had. ”

“ i’ve actually been talking to a nice woman on the radio. ”

“ aren’t i the lucky one? ”

“ i got something to show you. ”

“ i like you older. older means we’re still here. ”

“ i was never afraid before you showed up. ”

“ took most of the night. i’m exhausted. ”

“ i’ve had more good days with you than with anyone else. ”

“ i should be furious. ”

“ you hear anything, you see anything, yell. ”

“ so they’re dead? ”

“ i used to hate the world, and i was happy when everyone died. but i was wrong, because there was one person worth saving. ”

“ we have a job to do, and god help any motherfuckers who stand in our way. ”

“ we can just keep our histories to ourselves. ”

“ you do what i say when i say it. ”

“ they have hot water! i’m taking a shower, and then you’re showering, because seriously - pffff. ”

“ well don’t you look pretty. ”

“ it’s like a spaceship. ”

“ gas breaks down over time, this stuff’s almost water. ”

“ it doesn’t matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationary. ”

“ what did the mermaid wear to her math class? an algae bra. ”

“ i stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. ”

“ this make you all nostalgic? ”

“ hold your horses, i wanna see what all the fuss is about. ”

“ why are all these pages stuck together? ”

“ can we start a fire? i’m freezing. ”

“ no one’s gonna find us. ”

“ if you don’t think there’s hope for the world, why bother going on? ”

“ i’m not even tired. ”

“ i’m all turned around. ”

“ this is my second day in a fucking car, man! ”

“ you’re not hurt? ”

“ you don’t come out until i say, okay? ”

“ my mom isn’t far, if you could get me to her. ”

“ you can have it. ”

“ you don’t have to! ”

“ i can’t fit through. ”

“ i was alone. ”

“ you were wronged, and i’m sorry. ”

“ they put a gun to my head! ”

“ have i satisfied the necessary conditions for you to talk? ”

“ you think i won’t do it? ”

“ i didn’t hear that guy coming. ”

“ you’re just a kid. ”

“ i know what it’s like, the first time that you hurt someone like that. ”

“ i’m not good at this. ”

“ you shouldn’t have had to, and i’m sorry. ”

“ it wasn’t my first time. ”

“ you put it in your pack, you’ll shoot your damn ass off. ”

“ we’ll get through this. ”

“ let’s just handle what we have to handle. we can deal with this after. ”

“ where would you be without me, huh? ”

“ how did you know it was an ambush? ”

“ i’ve been on both sides. ”

“ we did what we needed to survive. ”

“ did you kill innocent people? ”

“ i don’t want someone sneaking up on us while we’re sleeping. ”

“ i don’t wanna talk about it. ”

“ so it gets easier when you get older? ”

“ did you know diarrhoea is hereditary? yeah, it runs in your jeans. ”

“ you laughed, motherfucker! ”

“ look at me, not at that. ”  

“ i used to be so scared of these people. ”  

“ did it make you feel safe? ”  

“ how does it make you feel now? ”  

“ i swear, i’ve told you everything i know. ”  

“ he won’t be talking. ”  

“ why go to the trouble? you can kill yourself right here. ”

“ do i look scared? ”  

“ i’ve been watching them, i know their patterns. ”  

“ we don’t wanna hurt you, we wanna help you. ”  

“ if i lower my gun, we didn’t hurt you, so you don’t hurt us, right? ”

“ that’s a weird fucking tone, man. ”  

“ that’s just the way he sounds, he has an asshole voice. ”

“ i’m gonna trust you. ”  

“ you know what happens when you do that to people? the moment they get a chance, they do it right back to you. ”

“ never killed anyone. ”  

“ pointing an unloaded gun at you was the closest i’ve ever come to being violent. ”

“ that’s my dicey-as-fuck plan. ”  

“ your dad’s kind of a pessimist. ”  

“ he’s not my dad. ”  

“ i’m not her dad. ”  

“ endure and survive. ”  

“ i wasn’t exactly telling you the truth, before. ”  

“ i am the bad guy because i did a bad guy thing. ”  

“ we’re not doing so good. ”  

“ have you been back to the room you grew up in? ”  

“ he would be horrified by the things i’ve done. ”  

“ this is what happens when you fuck with fate. ”  

“ are you ever scared? ”  

“ i’m scared all the time. ”  

“ i’m scared of ending up alone. ”  

“ if you turn into a monster, is it still you inside? ”  

“ stay awake with me. ”  

“ gimme the gun. ”  

“ what did i do? ”  

#( sentence. ) #sentence meme #sentence starters #rp meme #rp starters #tlou #the last of us hbo #tv series #apocalyptic #horror

[neptune-ian]

Love Wins All

~mini analysis

I suppose most of you all watched and listened to IU’s new song featuring V, Love wins all. The song and the music video are so magical, ethereal yet alarming and sad. I felt a urge to make a mini analysis about it as I love the story behind.

I would like to start with the overall environnement sourrounding our characters. It is apocalyptic, destroyed and abandonned. Nature and the environnement we found ourselves in are very often our mental and emotional state ; note that when we watch the MV we don’t know what happened before, we just see two lovers running away from a flying cube. Therefore I suggest to interpret right at the beginning their love being vulnerable and at the verge of breaking apart. A love that lasts but will no longer stands, things will go back to where it was before. (I don’t know if any of you know of the video game The Last of Us 2 but the MV somehow made me think of it)

As for the cube I interpret it as a fear to loose everything they ever built, they run away from an unavoidable disaster (which, they seem to know of already). But also as people’s opinion on their relationship and why it should not last. The cube could be the symbol of Hate in opposition to Love.

When our two protagonists enter the abandoned building they see that pile of clothes (I’ll talk about it a bit later). But reach out to another room - a restaurant. Here they find a camera and film one another, this camera is the door and reason to their love as they see who they used to be/how they see each other when they feel at ease. They are indeed aware of their disabilities but that does not stop them from loving each other and more, to find the other perfect. The only thing they care is the good moments they had with the one they dearly love and even whilst knowing they can’t win (even though they [are] try[ing]) all that matters is their feelings. They don’t have much but when they are behing closed doors they feel free.

However we also see black dressed people pointing at them and probably cursing at them being together. It’s part of their love story -an unrequited love- but they still manage to stay together, again : their joy, love, feelings and who the other is is all that matters to their eyes. They did not even pay attention to them.

Sadly they had to go back to reality and had to run away from that cube, while running away the got to the clothes’s pile room. They were stuck. V tried to fight back that imminent end in front of them, that fear coming from a powerful being on which they don’t have control over. By doing so, the cube got red signaling that it is now time as they tried to win over itself, they were daring, they fought but something is not accepted between the two to continue the relationship. IU then protected V as she could and covered his good eye to not see the fatality she is witnessing. She can’t talk nor hear but she loves, he can’t see well but he loves… they slowly evaporate then disappear. Only their clothes fall from the ceiling rejoining the pile — all their past lives they had together but without any succes in any of them. Only their love is felt left in this whole abandoned room. They loved and will still love each other even if humans and Hate disagree.

~Neptuneian

#love wins all #IU #V #bts v #bts #kpop #kpop tarot #music theory #taehyung #kim taehyung #lee jieun #jieun #tarot blog #tarot #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #love

[fabbyf1]

Are you still responding on comments at AO3?

Besties, 

I want to talk about something that makes me uncomfortable. I hope you’ll allow me to speak my mind, hear what I’m saying, and not jump to any conclusions. Please don’t read any further into this than what it’s actually about. 

I want to talk about comments on AO3. 

Comments on AO3 are so fucking important. If you’ve ever published something on AO3, you know how incredibly special they are. Writing is such a long, lonely process that we all do for free. We challenge ourselves to be creative and to produce content that we want to see in the world. We take time away from our own lives and responsibility to do something that we love to do. 

And sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll build up a little following of people that enjoy your stuff. People who will read your fics religiously, even if it’s not something they would have previously clicked on. And that, my friends, is an insane feeling of validation. It’s something I’ve never experienced before, even though I’ve been writing since I was 12. 

F1 RPF is such a special place to be. 

Having you all back me and support me is insane. I love it so much. The fact you have such faith in my writing that you’ll click on a fic and go into it with an open mind simply because I wrote it is mind-blowing to me. I never want that to change, and I never want you all to feel like I’m immune or numb to that. I am so incredibly thankful for your support. 

I’ll never be able to find the words to express how much joy I get from posting a fic and seeing you all freak out over it. It makes it worthwhile. It inspires me to keep going. It builds my confidence and helps me continue to take time out of my personal life to write these things, knowing that I’m not just doing it for myself anymore. 

But that’s where the tricky part comes in, and I’m not sure how to talk about it without sounding like a whining little bitch. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you how to praise me. I never want you to think I’m taking feedback, comments, or praise for granted because I promise you I’m not. 

I still cry and gag and scream over every single comment I receive, no matter how long or short the comment is. I screenshot them and send them off rapid-fire to my little group of besties so that we can all cry over them together. 

But I think it’s important we keep it on the right platform. 

Very recently, I have stopped responding to comments on AO3. It wasn’t an easy decision for me, and I cried actual real-life tears about it because I didn’t want anyone to hate me or think I was a rude, self-absorbed lil bitch. 

Up until this week, I was religiously responding to every single comment I received. Because I wanted you all to know how much they meant to me. But I’ve reached a certain point now where it’s taking too much time out of my day to respond to them all when I feel like I could be using that time for better things. Like producing more content for you. 

But I’ve noticed, particularly this last week since I stopped responding on AO3, that my Tumblr inbox is suddenly full of AO3 comments. I can’t help but think it’s because I still respond to (almost) every Tumblr ask I get but have opted out of responding on AO3. And if that’s the case, I totally get it. Because interaction is important, and we all enjoy talking to each other! 

I don’t want anybody to think I’m asking you not to interact with me. 

I fucking love talking to you guys. You all make me laugh, and cry, and gag, and scream and panic-pace around my apartment with some of our conversations. I never want you to stop sliding into my dm’s or sliding into my asks, on anon or off anon, to scream about things with me. 

But what I’m asking... is that you also leave a comment on AO3. If you only have the time or desire to write on one platform... please make it AO3. Come to my tumblr to talk to me, Kate, about anything you want. Or, copy and paste the AO3 comment into my tumblr ask so I can repost it for everyone to see. But I’d ask that you not skip the AO3 comments to post on my tumblr instead. Because... they belong on AO3. 

I’m so incredibly honored that you would take the time out of your day to leave me a comment (of any size). Seeing them on any platform brings me so much joy, but I think they belong on AO3. Whenever I’m feeling sad or down, I’ll go reread the comments on my AO3 fics. If they’re split between two platforms, comments are more likely to get lost in the mix, and that makes me so sad to think about because I want to reread them. 

Because you took the time to tell me something nice. 

Also... stats matter. And I hope you don’t think I’m being cocky or entitled when I say that. But comments, kudos, and views matter. It’s how your fics get more traction and more attention and how you widen your audience. Stats are an awkward thing to talk about, especially for me, but they really do matter. 

I hope you all can understand where I’m coming from. 

And I truly hope you don’t think I’m complaining or trying to dictate when and how you should praise me. Because I promise you that is not my intention. I’m just... a real person behind a screen, with real feelings and real emotions. I love you all so much, and I’ll never stop crying about how loved and special you all make me feel. 

Thank you for listening, besties. 

[tl;dr I think AO3 comments should stay on AO3, and not go into Tumblr asks. Please don't hate me.]

#I really hope you read all of this even though it's long #i'm sorry for being so long winded THIS IS WHY I CANT WRITE SHORT FICS EITHER BESTIES #please undersatnd that i love you all so fucking much #you bring so much joy to my life #i brag about you to everyone i know

[bebx]

hi im so sorry but i need to get this off my chest and i cant talk to my friends about it because its so embarrassing and ive talked about it PLENTY

but anyway long story short i was dating someone, we have a weird history dating wise & have been best friends for 3+ years before that all started. literally three weeks ago we decided to be exclusive, on friday i found out that the day before, he kissed another girl IN PUBLIC. i know that girl, they've hooked up before (when i was also hooking up with him but it wasn't anything really and i didn't actually know for sure if they were hooking up (they were)). so we called it quits.

i still spent the weekend bc i'm weak and all i want is him. he said he never felt a connection like this with anyone, he said he loved me and he said he was sorry a hundred times..... he said it would take a long time before he'd feel 'normal' about me. we were both emotional when i left, and since then i havent really stopped crying lol

AND NOW. i dont know if im just driving myself crazy but i feel like he's (still) (again?) talking to that one girl and it would make sense because he basically cheated on me not even a week ago so why wouldnt he do this now??? but. it feels too cruel. but maybe thats just who he is.

god i hate this so much he drives me completely mad im stalking his every move and every time i see something that even slightly hints at my suspicions i get so ill and it makes me wanna kms. i just wanna feel normal i hate that he did this to me i miss him so bad. i know we literally shouldn't ever get back together again because this is just a fraction of the shit thats happened in the past 10 months, BUT I ONLY WANT HIM. and i feel like we're soulmates. BYEEEEE this is so humiliating. im so tired i just want it to end

hugging you so tight right now, anon!!! 🩷🩷🩷 so sorry you have to go through something like this. I can’t say I know exactly how you feel, because each person experiences this type of pain differently, but I do know it just super sucks when the person who hurts us and the person we want to hate turns out to be the one we love the most. sometimes our hearts can be stubborn just like that (it all would’ve been so easy if we could convince ourselves to stop caring and to being able to fully hate them and moving on, but it’s never that easy, sadly). I can’t tell you what to do or how to react to the pain you feel, but know that your pain is valid and how you feel / how you react / how you cope with that pain, that’s valid too. and you are not weak for being hurt when someone wronged you, especially when it’s someone you trusted. I know this is cliche and is so much easier said than done, but please also be kind to yourself, above anything else. that boy and the girl he cheated on you with, they don’t deserve you. they lost you, not the other way around. think of this as an opportunity for you to open yourself to someone else who truly loves and values you, whether it be romantically or platonically. I know right now you just want him, but if the wrong person can make you love him this bad, imagine how much happier you’ll be when you finally find the right one who can make you love them the same way you loved him, if not more, the only difference is that they won’t break your heart. and you deserve to be happy. that someone is out there, and I truly believe you both will find each other when the time is right. but for now, try loving and being gentle to yourself even if it’s hard (I know it can be hard, but at least give it a try), the best revenge is to prove to them that you don’t need them to be happy and that you can heal from this and thrive without them in your life. doesn’t matter how long it takes, but you will get there one day, and you will look back and be so damn proud of yourself for how far you’ve come. because hey, look at you, you are still here, and for that, I am so damn proud of you!!

it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be completely broken, because the thing about crying and being broken is that it’s not permanent, even if it feels like it right now.

and by the way, the ones who should feel humiliated are him and that girl, not you. screw it if they deserve each other. YOU deserve so much better than that anyway.

#my inbox is open

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself-Story (18+)

⚠ CW: addiction, drugs, depression

As you can see, my daily morning routine had become a real ordeal for me. Every morning I woke up with terrible fears, that I couldn’t explain exactly? The answer to this, I will soon get in my dreams. Not just my anxiety made life difficult for me, but also the farewell to Philip.💔 😢 Remember how bad I felt when Nico left me?? If so, I don’t have to explain much about how I felt. Just then, I didn’t have to go to work, even though I loved my job at the time. 

Now everything was different and I also had other difficulties, my addiction! This drug just destroyed me. 😔 🤷‍♀️.....Thankfully I had Daniel with me, who took care of me. 💗 💗 I was so ashamed! 😔 I felt totally stupid! Like a defiant baby he had to take care of. But Daniel was so sweet and understanding. That motivated me to face my job and all the everyday tasks, I had so panicked. He himself was not well, too! He’s also struggling with the same damn thing I am. How much our addiction burdened him, I will see at the end of this day. We’ll both go down together...😢 😰

Ma day started at 06:20 a.m. For Daniel, a bit earlier since I had such a hard time getting up in the morning. He knew it will take a while to get me out of bed. So he got dressed & ready to have enough time for me. After Daniel somehow got me out of bed, we sat together on the couch in the living room. I started crying. I couldn’t bear his sad look. He looked at me like I was wrecked. I told Daniel yesterday, that Philip said goodbye to me.😭

Daniel: You can talk to me about him. What exactly happend? 🙁 🤷‍♂️

Me: I don’t want you to think I’d regret it with you. I’d do anything for you! You’re all I ever wanted. I just wish, I’d met you much earlier. Before my heart was so broken.

Daniel: I don’t care, I can handle it! The main thing is we are together! Ily!  You’ll see, soon you’ll be better.....But why are you so sad about Philip? 

Me: He ended our friendship. I’ll never see Philip again! He left me forever.😭 😭

Daniel: I’m so sorry, babe! Maybe you don’t believe me, but I’m really sorry! 😟 I’ll make it up to you, I swear!.... Don’t cry, everything will be fine, but now you have to go to work.

Me: I don’t want to! Please Daniel, leave me at home. 😭 😰 I’m gonna stay here with our kitty and wait for you. I’m not leaving or meeting Sofia.

Daniel: You know we’re a team and I would do anything for you to feel better. But NOW, you have to help me and do what I tell you. I’m not gonna let you lose your job, your education! And besides, that would only worsen our situation.😟 We’re going down slowly! I-....I can’t keep ourselves afloat alone. I need you! 🙁 😔 I don’t want us both to lose everything, because of our fucking addiction! 🤦‍♂️

Me: I hate my life! 😩 😩.....The only thing that matters to me is you! And I’m afraid to lose you.

Daniel: Why? I’m here! I won’t leave.....You told me you were taking antidepressants, but since you moved in with me, I’ve never seen you take any. 😕

Me: I had panic attacks a year ago....But I was afraid to continue taking them, because we are constantly high.

Daniel: You can’t just stop your meds without telling a doc! That’s why you feel so bad now, plus you’re constantly having withdrawal.

Me: Yea....I still have almost a full pack at my parents in my room.

Daniel: After work, we’ll pick up your pills.

Me: I’m so tired! I feel ill every day and I am constantly cold. I don’t want to go out, why don’t you understand me? 😢

Daniel: Please, come with me to the bathroom. Do it for me. I get you have no desire and strength. I’m helping you and I’ll drive you to work and pick you up.🙁

Me: I don’t even know what to wear? Everything overwhelms me! 😩

Daniel: I already picked you something. So don’t worry about it!

Before I went to the bathroom, I did a line. Daniel and I didn’t actually do that before we went to work, but since I wasn’t well, he gave me something. I felt better right away! But I got so high, that I fell asleep in the bathtub and Daniel had to help me out to get dressed.

Me: I am so ashamed...

Daniel: Why? You are so beautiful! Actually, I would like to undress you 😉 but...later! I don’t want to risk you being late.

Me: I’m so useless! 🤦‍♀️ I wonder how long it’s gonna take you to leave me too.

Daniel: All this, I don’t mind! Honestly not!...I see the struggle you're going through but you’re still doing your best. Otherwise you would have stayed in bed. But I don’t care, I just don’t want you to lose everything. And nothing can separate me from you except-.... it’s something I cannot.....influence.

Me: You mean....if something happens to you? 😟

Daniel: Yea. 

Me: I think that’s what scares me. That’s why I don’t want to go out or leave the apartment.

Daniel: We just stay together all the time, so nothing will separate us.

Me: Ok. Ily! 💗

We both felt the same, something bad is going to happen to us. 

In the office I finally met my trainer who was not there for so long. She was totally disappointed with me, because she got wrong information. She thought I didn’t do my job while she wasn’t there. But as you know, nobody told me what I have to do or where my office was actually, which is why I sorted files for Martha and the disgusting Mr. B., wanted me constantly in his office. He saw that I had nothing to do and also let me sort his files. But I was glad about that! He gave me something to do, a task, and he helped me when that stupid Martha attacked me again for NO reason! 😩 When my trainer accused me of not doing my job, I was totally shocked! This was simply not true!! But instead of defending myself, I fell silent. As always, I couldn’t get my mouth open when it was necessary. I was so pissed with myself that I started crying as she left the office. But Mr. B. noticed this and told my trainer that I had worked for him in the last few days. I really thought Mr B. was okay. And yes, that was nice of him. But why Mr. B. became disgusting to me, I tell soon.

Previous / Next

Start

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18+ content #cw addiction #cw drugs #cw depression

[russilton]

Hi

Just a message to say how much I love your blog and hearing your thoughts.

Overall, how do you rate Mercedes chances of getting back to winning races and championships? The optimist in me is thinking that this still the team that won 7 back to back drivers and 8 constructors, so they team knows what do do, but on the other side the team have struggles to understand the car, and have taken steps back, and have overtaken by a customer team. I know it's hard to continuing winning and finding those tenths of a second which make all the difference. I hate that they are wasting such a talented driver line up in Lewis and George, and thats not even getting into my thoughts about Lewis being robbed of another chance to go for another title after the last one was stolen, and the fact that George struggled at the back of the grid for years whilst his peers who he beat got the chance to podium and score points, and now the team doesn't know where it stands, or how to develop the car.

I hope the guys home race is kind to them, and that the car decides to perform and be a good racing car.

Hi anon, first of all, thank you! I’m glad my waffling thoughts can be of some interest to anyone other than the friends I’ve pleaded into listening (they are very kind people)

Second of all, I agree with everything you’ve said here and I echo these thoughts and frustrations myself. Without a shadow of a doubt we have the most talented and balanced driver pairing on the grid and if cultured right they will literally only get stronger. Lewis is a considerate and fond teammate because he worked so hard to be so. George is whip smart, mostly patient and adores Lewis- and they’re being wasted on a car that neither of them can make work.

On one hand I’m almost glad it’ll only serve to bond them hopefully and stop them from letting hubris go to their heads the way a fantastic car may have. On the other- you can only go so long before it takes a toll- they are both more susceptible to morale than either would ever accept.

What does this all mean when it comes to your original question? Well… I have to believe we will get back up there again. I just have to. Sports is an addiction, an addiction to the rush of adrenaline a win brings and sparks in your gut like lighting. Within that addiction is the core belief that we will win again. That no matter how pounded into the ground we end up, that next hit will come and it’ll feel even better than the first. I could sit here and try to ration out why based on our planning and mechanics and holy father James Allison we will get back up there- but ultimately what it all boils down to is just the pure belief they did it once, they can do it again. Lewis will have his 8th, 9th, maybe more. George will win again and Lewis will hoist him high in pride when he does so, and then he’ll win his own WDC.

I rate their chances high because I truly think it’s only a matter of time as long as we keep working ourselves towards that goal with the same fervour. Even on my most miserable moments- that belief holds strong. Even when I’m whinging or complaining- it’s because I know they can do better and I can’t wait to see them do so

Lord forgive me but I will always be a soppy sports fan.

#asks #anonymous #mark’s driver meta #mark talks britcedes

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

(((cw — mentions of suicidal ideation)))

Renegade actually really helped me because it came out when I was in a relationship with someone who really struggled with depression, and while I loved them and still do in a lot of ways (nothing will ever change that) it was getting to the point that it was really, really hurting me. I struggle with mental health stuff too, just not to the same extent, and the relationship had gotten to the point where I was basically shouldering everything for both of us. There was this implicit assumption that I will always take care of them no matter what the situation is, to the point where they just fully stopped ever asking me how I was doing or if I was okay and would (unintentionally) make me feel guilty or horrible if I ever had something that I had to focus on that wasn’t them— like if I was at work and had to be out of contact for a day, they’d be spamming me with texts telling me how much they missed me and how they felt like they were succumbing to the depression without me. They didn’t trust mental health professionals or the suicide hotline and would basically use me as their therapist, even though I have no background in mental health support, and it got to the point where I just fully stopped feeling like a person because it felt like my only reason for existing was to take care of them. If I did anything for myself I felt like I was being selfish and uncaring, because if I ever tried to implement boundaries/take time for myself they’d interpret it as me saying that I hated them and go into a suicidal ideation spiral talking about how they deserved to die because they only ever hurt everyone. For a very long time I felt like I was just an awful human being for ever being frustrated or hurt by them and so I never confided in anyone about it because I didn’t want people to know what a shitty person I was. People don’t really talk about how hard it can be to love someone who feels they can’t love themselves — I thought I was just failing as a partner. Renegade coming out made me feel like I wasn’t alone for the first time in years, and what ultimately pushed me to get help for myself, which in turn led to me realizing that my partner had become unhealthily dependent on me, and that all the times I was “helping” them, I wasn’t really helping them. They had fallen into this pit of “why should I try to help myself when she’ll always be there to help me?” It was really hard, and I do still feel guilty about how things went down even though I know what I did was the right choice for both of us, but we ended up separating and as far as I know they’re actually getting the help they need now.

I love Renegade because i do think there’s a lot of love in that song, but it’s also muddled with the pain and frustration of feeling like you’re giving this person everything you possibly can and more to help them, only to have the situation continue to get worse and feel like it all means nothing. It’s not their fault, but neither is it yours, and you’re not a bad person for feeling pain or frustration or struggling yourself because of it

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, anon. I don't have any piece of advice to offer (not that you'd need it from a stranger anyway), but just know that you absolutely did the right thing, and I'm so glad Taylor relased Renegade and gave you a bit of the strength you needed to do it.

It's a fine line: I think that we should try our best to help our loved ones when they are struggling, BUT I also believe that it's important we don't lose ourselves in doing so: there's only so much a person can endure, and it's not fair that the entirety of one's pain should fall on just their partner, or one friend, or one family member.

I know that in my lowest moments it would've taken an entire nation to lift me off my feet and help me get better, and I know that placing all of that burden on one single person would've been too much for anyone.

I'm really glad you're doing better.

#tw suicide

[sweetestberryofthebunch]

hi berry !!!!! i don’t have much to offer you but love BUT i wanted to come say hi and that i love you <3<3 i hope you’re having a great day and i hope you have a great week this week (and every week) !!!!

NOT MUCH TO OFFER? EXCUSE ME???

You better take that back because ur mere presence on this Earth is worth more than some peoples entire life’s work. Ur an angel and I will not allow such self slander!

Aaanyways thank you so much for stopping by, I’ve just had a hard day meeting with other activists to discuss the current Anti Trans Hate happening and it really drained me. Our community is under attack and no matter how much we try to do, we can’t protect ourselves alone and its scary.

But yeah, I’m home now, about to make a nice hot meal (instant noodles lol) and just vibe on the escapism hellsite for a bit since real life is too exhausting right now…

#love you so much Gi! #an angel a legend an icon #a pillar of our little community here #the collections of whomst #the collections of gi!!!

[scribblelegs]

Re posting

Cheers to those good songs - that bring those nostalgic memories flowing back like a wave that you can’t stop.. crashing against the in sides of your membrane inside your head making you relive the most beautiful moments of your life in a loop.

I think of the day I die often, it’s like a memory in my mind that I’ve already seen 100 times over.

It brings tears to my eyes every time and I wish I could stop it but I can’t.

The compulsive ways that my mind brings me to tears is unstoppable sad and beautiful.

Profoundly moving it takes me back to painted sunsets over the Midwest city skylines so eloquently placed I could live here forever.

How i imagine the pain of my loved ones and the bottomless feeling it brings to never see them again in this form. A lifeless body that once brought so much to the world, so much we can can feel it all around us even today.

I miss my friends who’ve gone away and passed on.

How my mind can switch from beautiful to pain with the strike of a chord, I see the pictures we took and gather my thoughts as a tear forms in my eyes

those times are long gone but fresh they live inside my spirit.

I love and hate the ways of my cruel brain in broken world. How self aware yet clueless I really am.

I’m alive,‘

I can breathe she said after her stint in the Psych ward .

after bouts of agony I could feel through her wounds and the itch of her scars.

How I remember the moments that brought them to her body, how the body repairs and mends the damages we can’t escape our minds from doing to ourselves.

This Life is pain and the torture of living can become overwhelming

How memories never die long after we’re Gone

like an imprint in time. We mattered. We matter.

How the stains of her blood cascading from her gashes, so bright and so open like a butterflies wings scattering onto a white fur carpet over a wooden floor.

How blood pooled like en endless wave brought upon by emotion wreckage and self mutilation.

How it healed her in times of struggle need and the hope tthat didn’t exist. How each slice was therapeutic in a way, for her.

How the droplets scattered like a map of lines on a distant highway that was lost from another dimension.

It all seemed so surreal in this foggy haze of panic I had to be calm.

And we sat there trying to understand this unforgiving world we’d been placed in.

Where we didn’t belong and never felt home.It was unlike the movies.

The terror it brings when you watch your best friend in the exact moments she’s questioning her existence.

How I cried endlessly into the void helping her wash her wounds, reassuring her of love and compassion the world forgot to show her.

How god abandoned us like a thief in the night stealing our hope and joy.

I love her I can feel her pain. I am scared and frozen in a bottomless pit of disparity god casted upon us like an unforgiving cruel joke.

We were kindred souls lost in a drain pipe reaching for air and drowning as the blood moved From her arms, to the bottom of the tub swirling down the drain

Sadness was all I could feel as I washed her wounds and dried my eyes.

Our angels were not there as the night folded into morning all i could do was cry and in darkness we sat together alone in a shadow we created.

As her scars fade with grace and turn to a shimmery lavender where the skin once was jaded and torn

I’m remindedOf love.-

How every time I said I love you I meant it.

How deeply I miss you.

& how I write to people like it’s the last letter they’d ever see from me and how I hold my friends so close, like a ribbon hugging a bouquet I admire the ones who love me and cherish our time together deeply like an old rooted plant - [

You never know when the last I love you will be . So say it again and again if you can.

Mean it everytime.

Because I am glad you’re alive at the same time as me.

Our purpose may be unknown for some but that doesn’t mean it does not exist.

Cheers, life is so beautiful

💊🧠

[faewrities]

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU PROMPTS

“Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.” “Your eyes can deceive you; don’t trust them.” “Luminous beings we are, not this crude matter.” “Who’s the more foolish: the fool or the fool who follows him?”

“Your focus determines your reality.”

“No longer certain that one ever does win a war, I am.” 

“In a dark place we find ourselves and a little more knowledge lights our way.” 

“Sometimes we must let go of our pride and do what is requested of us.”

“No one’s ever really gone.”

“The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” 

“Many of the truths that we cling to depend on our viewpoint.” 

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” 

“I like firsts. Good or bad, they’re always memorable.” 

“Great, kid, don’t get cocky.” 

“Congratulations. You are being rescued.” 

“I am not a committee.” 

“Weapons are part of my religion.”

“Be careful not to choke on your aspirations.”

“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.”

“Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.”

“Let go of your hate.”

“Why, you stuck-up half-witted scruffy-looking nerf herder.”

“You’re nothing. But not to me.”

“I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.”

“Would somebody get this big walking carpet out of my way?” 

“You’re just a child in a mask.”

“You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”

“Don’t call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight glob of grease.” 

“There’s always a bigger fish.”

“In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck.”

“As my sweet mother always said, ‘Son, if one hostage is good, two are better. And three, well, that’s good business.”

“I got a bad feeling about this.” 

“This is the Way.”

“You can’t stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.”

“Women always figure out the truth. Always.”

“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

“Never tell me the odds.” 

“A friendly piece of advice; assume that I know everything.” 

“In my book, experience outranks everything.” 

“Stand together, die together. Let your death be the final word in the story of rebellion.” 

“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to.”

“You know, no matter how much we fought, I’ve always hated watching you leave.”

“Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi’s life so you might say we are encouraged to love.” 

“So this is how liberty dies … with thunderous applause.” 

“We had each other. That’s how we won.”

“I smell profit!”

“I truly, deeply love you. And before we die, I want you to know.”

“I can bring you in warm, or I can bring you in cold.”

“I was not elected to watch my people suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee.” 

“That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.” 

“Make ten men feel like a hundred.”

“You’re exactly the way I remember you in my dreams.”

“Reality doesn’t care if you believe it.” 

“As long as there’s light, we’ve got a chance.”

“This is the Way.”  

“Rebellions are built on hope.”

#rpmeme #rp meme #star wars rp meme #star wars rp starter #rp starter #star wars roleplay #star wars rp #rp prompt #rp prompts #rp sentence starters #may the fourth be with you

[jewelcrackers]

TW: fakeclaiming, r/systemscringe

Though I can’t remember how he worded it, a friend said recently that one of the reasons he wanted to get to know me was because I wasn’t putting anything on for anyone – I was just being myself. It got me thinking. My full reflection hasn’t completely changed to word form yet, but I realised that something positive came out of something that could’ve potentially turned ugly.

A few months ago, I posted on r/DID out of desperation. As a system, we hate not having communication with each other, that we don’t know our names, what we each like – we have no collective identity because our communication is so awful. This has been the case since February/March of 2021. After this post, someone from r/SystemsCringe DM’ed us asking invasive and invalidating questions. Either they decided we weren’t worth their time or I managed to shut them down, but only four messages were sent between us all together and as far as I know, we never got posted.

If we’d been posted, I don’t know if we could’ve handled it. Everything about our existence has already been claimed as fake on that subreddit in various unrelated posts and threads, and not being able to find any other systems in the same boat as us despite searching was only strengthening the internal feeling of being fake that seemingly all systems feel. Our mental health was already bad enough at that time. Looking back though, part of me is glad that that person messaged us, because, in the days following, our mindset changed.

We decided to stop trying to find each other. Nothing we’d done had helped, and there was no one who seemed to relate to us, understand, or have any new advice. That and our posts were getting lost. After we lost the original contact we’d established with ourselves and each other, our biggest fear was people saying we faked it for attention. No one did to our faces, but we were still terrified of people not believing us about being a system and our trauma. After this person messaged us though, something seemed to click.

This is where we are right now. This is the point we are at in our journey. This is our current reality – and we don’t need to prove that to anyone.

We stopped trying to look into the headspace. We stopped thinking about it all the time and stopped trying to decipher the noise in our head. We began spending our time freely – following what we wanted to do instead of questioning the fluctuations in our interests. Allowing things to not make sense. Knowing that it’s okay that our interests and voices are different, that not knowing who we are doesn’t mean we need to hide. The people who matter are the ones who love us for us.

Since we’ve stopped hiding for others, interactions have felt more genuine. We’ve found friends who laugh when we get sidetracked, when our voice changes, when we’re loud without meaning to be. Our existence isn’t wrong to them. Our neurodivergencies aren’t wrong. We’re just us.

You know what surprised us the most though? Since we stopped pushing, we’ve learned more about the mechanics within our system than ever. We know now that one specific team of alters will come into handling the body, knowing barely anything about us or our life, and they learn as they go. Once they learn too much, everything seems to rotate – those alters will be inaccessible and a new team manages life outside the headspace. We’ve even learned to identify these “resets”.

They take the form of switches an hour or two long whilst the entire system shifts, and the first alter of the new team to front feels like they’ve woken up from a long sleep and struggles to gather their bearings for a few hours. It happens under very specific circumstances – those that match the only times we felt safe as a child, probably because the amount of dissociation required for these resets makes us almost completely unaware of both the external world and our thoughts, so I guess the brain needs to be sure that we won’t be harmed during this time. We have always followed this pattern – from knowing nothing, to a little, to too much, and then starting again. The memories we have access to prove it.

We’ll regain proper contact when we’re ready. We’ll know who we are when we’re ready. We’ll have the answers we want when we’re ready. We are real. Our experiences are real. Fakeclaiming won’t make us disappear.

PS: those friends we mentioned throughout this post – you know who you are. If you’re reading this, thank you. Love you lemons 🍋

#did #did osdd #trauma #dissociation #otherwise specified dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #systems #tw fakeclaiming #all systems are valid #system #pdid #mental health #mental illness

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

Hello! Oh my fuck, chapter 5 was a WILD ride….

The tenderness of Alec looking after Magnus when he’s sick.

The fact that Magnus is so used to having to look after himself that Alec caring for him makes him realise it’s okay to be sick. The fact that he never got that type of love and care growing up so he had to create it for himself. Very 😔

“Your cuddles were a little meh today.”

Yeah I think this is such an appropriate measure of a person’s general level of wellness lol. I’m so happy that Alec can cheer Magnus up even when he is sick and make things feel so much lighter.

People didn’t realise it, but hiding took away parts of your soul. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t a coward’s move. It took more strength and bravery than being in the fucking military took.

My heart goes out to all the people who can’t love as they desire because of idiots who can’t accept people as they are. Just such a lonely world for some people and it fucking sucks. We are better than this.

That Alec and Andrew bonding moment over their partners.

Thank fuck for this! I’m glad Alec has Andrew to talk to about Magnus and just the parts of himself that he normally has to hide. I’m glad that he’s not completely alone and has the support he needs when he’s so far away from his true home (Magnus obviously)

“Everything you wear feels like a personal attack on my sanity.”

The fucking body chains!! We stan, we fucking stan babe. Always support more of this, very here for Alec losing control for Magnus. I kinda got whiplash here cause I was still digesting the chains and the angst of Alec leaving hit me square in the chest. He really picked the worst time to tell him I swear. I mean at the same time he had been doing that all week so..?

"I'm not allowed to be mad at you, Alec."

I hate how we as humans do this to ourselves, torture ourselves for feeling certain emotions. All of our emotions are valid, regardless of the reason. We are allowed to feel them and not feel shame for them. How we are on them is a complete different story. Their situation is so complex that Magnus is allowed to feel angry, it’s just what he does with that anger that matters. People who don’t know their circumstances can say what they want but it’s just hard for them to have their happiness and feel hopeful about stuff that is very much being ripped away from them.

Magnus crying in the bathroom.

No stop this is so sad. How many times has it had to console himself and be his own emotional support without Alec? He’s doing his best and it just sucks ahhhhh.

“Sometimes, yes. Sometimes I feel like I’m only a small part of your life, when you’re my entire life.”

I’m so happy that Magnus spoke up and told Alec how he feels. It’s not easy to be this vulnerable and let a person know how much they mean to your life. It’s hard because so much is out of Alec’s control and he can’t always put Magnus first, he can’t always guarantee things. The unknown is just so scary for them because all they have is right now.

Okay those videos!

We know that Magnus was watching #5 on repeat alllllll night! Thank fuck for Andrew for filming those Grammy reaction ones! Something for Magnus to look back on and remember that Alec loves him. Something to calm him and make him feel at peace when he is lonely and just wants his Alexander.

A: Breathe, baby, breathe. You are going to win this.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Alec’s night terrors + attack

Just….fuck. What do you even say? How do you even understand the pain and shame and guilt and fear? This is the thing with the military, the fight does not end on the battlefield, it exists within you in every memory you have, every feeling you contain and everything that brings you back to your time fighting. I don’t know much about being in the army but I know a bit about PTSD and just how powerless you can feel. I am so glad Alec had Jace at the hospital with him because just dealing with all that alone would have been so overwhelming (especially the nurses stopping him from getting to Magnus)

These are the hands that hurt Magnus, he thought.

I lost it at this one because we literally went from Alec using his hands to heal, to care for and to hold. Now his hands have become a weapon, the very thing that brought pain to the one person he loves the most.

—

So yeah I just had a long cold glass of water and now I’m just staring into an unknown existence trying to process the pain omg. How you do this? Just amazing. So so excited for next weekkkk!!! Hope you had a good bday weekend 🙌🏼

Also I saw that chapter count increase 😬

Okay I love hearing your thoughts and analysis

Only Magnus can get sick and go all “I liked being sick”. He’s an idiot like that.

Writing that accident was kind of hard tbh. You’re going to see how Magnus reacts to the whole thing and how malec deals with it now. This was supposed to be a longer chapter where his recovery was also included but I ended up splitting the chapter into two. I wanted to address Magnus’s trauma properly. I didn’t want this storyline just to be for angst sakes. And shits going to be extremely hard for Alec too.

Also yes ma’am- not a lot of people noticed this but you’re a smart cookie. The juxtaposition of Alec tending to Magnus in the first scene and then what happened in the last scene.

Yes, I had a great birthday weekend. I drank, got high, wrote angst>>>>>

Thank you. Take care 🌸

#LRHWY

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Love Endures Forever

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

Psalm 33:21 For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy name.

=========================

VERSE OF THE DAY

========================

+ Psalm 100:5 For the Lord is good, and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

‭‭=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM LOVING REGARDLESS

I AM OPEN TO LOVE

I AM SETTING ASIDE BITTERNESS

I AM FILLED WITH LOVE

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

We can never doubt the love of God ; he loved us so much that he gave his son to us; and Jesus even showed us in 3 years what we should be doing as Christians or believers of God and how to love and care for someone who's a stranger. A lot of times, we base our Christianity on a set of rules, which is (legalism), we forget how he loved and how he acted and what he did and we need to allow the Holy Spirit to mold us so that we can be just like him.

God love endures forever; we forget that we must love even if someone doesn't love us back; we must love even if the person makes it impossible to love; we must push through as he did , no matter what we do and how much we push and reject his love he still holds on to us and say it's okay I got you.

Pslam 107:8 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!"

Some of us refuse to love certain people , and some of us refuse to love even when we are proven wrong, but no matter how much sin is in our hearts, God love doesn't change; I have heard of people saying that family left them when they needed them, or family stops loving them because of their lifestyle change. Still, God isn't like that; no matter how much change we make, no matter what we do, what we become, he doesn't care; his love is STEADFAST, and we have to become these same people.

There are so many wicked things that is happening in this world , it’s so much hate and fighting and confusion but long with world peace we need LOVE in this world most of all, this world lacks that because people don’t care for one another anymore , some of us only care about things that’s beneficial to us , if it doesn’t help us we DON’T CARE and that not how we should be .

For some of us, we want to be loved unconditionally, and no one will ever love us like that. YES, sure we can get married, we can date, and someone will love us, but not like God does because his love doesn't change or fluctuate; it doesn't come in waves; his love stands on the basis that we were created in his likeness. And unlike what ophrange have to endure , he won't turn us away. It’s mentions so much about his steadfast love in the word of God.

•Psalm 107:15 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man!

•Psalm 103:17 But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children

•Psalms 36:5 Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

Love should be unmoveable; it should be something that never changes; we change, our age changes , what we wear or like and dislike changes , but love shouldn't; we should be able to show love to anyone and everyone, and if someone declines our love we have to love them still and move pass it and give them unto God, because we can’t make people change , but God can.

***Today love is not something we can take on off it shouldn't be but some of us do , the bases of our ongoing relationship with Christ is love! When Jesus told us to love our neighbor this isn't because our neighbors gave us a house warming gifts , but we love them because they are supposed to be our brother and sister.

Parts of us want to give up on loving people, but we can't call ourselves Christians and stop loving; all we can do is give love. God showed us even while we were yet sinners, God still shows us love even when we trip or stumble , God still loves us through everything , and this is what we must do love someone regardless not based on looks , money status , background . It doesn’t matter , it shouldn’t matter we must love like GOD LOVES US ! ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

========================

PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father we thank you for letting us see another day ! We thank you caring for us even while we were slaves to the enemy. Lord forgive us of everything we have done wrong please keep us near you ! Help us to love someone regardless help us to have that steadfast love . Sometimes it’s hard to love people because of their ways and what they say but father please help us to be focus on you and how we can please you . We desire to please you with our whole heart . Please show us how if we are missing that step, lord if it’s any bitterness in our heart please remove it , if it’s any hurt in our heart please remove it , lord we know we can’t have that in our heart and grow in you in Jesus Mighty Name Amen

========================

REFERENCES

========================

+Psalm 107:1 Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever

+Psalm 86:5 For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you.

+Psalm 36:5 Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

========================

FURTHER READINGS

=========================

1 Kings 7:1-50

Acts 7:30-50

Psalm 128:1-6

Proverbs 16:31-33

=========================

#bible #bible quotes #christian quote #daily devotion #daily devotional #inspiration #scripture #bible verse #christan life #christian life

[ausetkmt]

In the early days of the internet, a hater was the worst thing you could be. Spite and sarcasm had no place in a sea of people who watched videos of babies laughing or tended to their virtual farms. Thankfully, as time passed, we as a society have learned to stop lying to ourselves. No one is ever truly out of sight and out of mind today, which is why we shamelessly send bad posts of people we don’t like to our friends or have entire group chats dedicated to gathering receipts. Over 70,000 people have uploaded their confessions on TikTok to the tune of the catchy “Hater’s Anthem” because, as the song itself says, we love the way it feels to be a hater.

You, too, might find yourself looking at the social media feeds of people you don’t like and getting joy out of that experience. It’s a common habit, an often harmless way to let off some steam, but continually hate-stalking others’ accounts can keep us trapped in a cycle of unproductive negativity.

Since prehistoric times, humans have thrived on seeking out and obtaining information about the world around us, especially as it pertains to other people. It doesn’t matter whether we love or hate them; these emotions activate some of the same circuits in the brain and consequently release the same rush of rewarding feelings. Often, we’re drawn to dislike those who we feel violate social norms — like that annoying microinfluencer who overshares every single detail of their deep-seated trauma — because we’re intrigued by why and how they’re able to do what they do. These reasons could be even more complicated and varied if we personally know those we keep tabs on.

Of course, this kind of social media lurking is completely different from actualbehaviors of criminal stalking and acts of hate. There’s a serious distinction between quietly sending a friend someone’s weird Instagram story and actual bullying and harassment, which should never be condoned. But no matter how harmless this common version of social media stalking could seem at the onset, it can still be detrimental. When we’re feeling particularly down in the dumps, it’s hard to see that what we’re looking at is just a deluge of highly curated information that may not serve our better interests to engage with. The feeling of social comparison that follows forces us to keep up with appearances and overcompensate for what we lack.

Despite these real effects, it can be hard to admit that it’s a problem that needs to be addressed, mostly because of how easy it is to hide. “Think about other behaviors like smoking, drinking alcohol, or compulsive shopping. There are often witnesses to this or a trail of evidence, which makes us feel more accountable to other people,” explained Georgina Sturmer, an integrative counselor who has worked with women struggling with addiction. “[Hate-stalking] can be done in private, without fear of being caught or questioned, making it much easier for us to go down a rabbit hole.”

As a result, we tend to go down these spirals alone and leave social media stalking sessions feeling ashamed or embarrassed, wondering how we got so invested in others’ digital lives in the first place. It’s a complicated behavior that brings up a lot of conflicting emotions. With that in mind, the names of some of the people interviewed for this article have been changed to protect their identities.

Recognize the behavior and understand what’s driving it

Like any other addictive behavior, hate-stalking can be a habit we develop to address an unmet need. “It’s easy to go online in an attempt to tackle underlying feelings of loneliness or boredom. Once we’re there, social media contains built-in features that keep us on the hook,” Sturmer said.

When we acknowledge that our social media lurking can hinder our happiness, it’s important to get to the root of this behavior. Take Annie, who still keeps tabs on the former bullies who made her high school life a living hell. “I’ve kept up with their lives for so long to see if they’ve peaked in high school,” the 29-year-old creative told me in an interview. “Sadly, hate-stalking has only made me more self-conscious, especially when I see a former bully thriving. I tend to talk to myself from a place of shame whenever I don’t achieve something like them.”

Sometimes, there can also be an element of seeking karmic justice, of wanting to know whether someone is suffering as punishment for hurting us in the past. Take Rica’s former coworker, who Rica said was so threatened by her that she tried to derail her career. “[This person] moved to another company, and I started hate-stalking to see if she would make something of herself after leaving,” the 42-year-old salesperson shared. “I just didn’t want to believe that she could ruin my career and not face any consequences. I’d like to think that the universe is fair.”

Coming to terms with our reasons for lurking will require asking and answering some pretty uncomfortable questions. “Examples of this could include: What are you seeking in this encounter? Are you going [to this person’s account] to torture yourself? Is this a manifestation of feelings of loneliness or anger or envy? Or are we curious what other people are doing without us?” said Jaimie Krems, a social psychologist and professor at the University of California Los Angeles.

Consider, too, the role social media may have previously played in your relationship with this person: Maybe you were “liking” and commenting on their posts, or your catch-up lunches or birthday parties were featured on their feeds a lot. These interactions may have brought the distinct kind of validation that serves as online currency, which might be a reason why we keep coming back to some people’s accounts.

Limit your exposure

At the end of any relationship, we’re often told to unfollow or even block the other person on all social media platforms. But for those who find it hard to cut them off immediately and completely, detaching from a stalkee and their daily activity is nonetheless necessary.

Lily, a 22-year-old writer, admitted that checking up on her ex-boyfriend and his new partner two years after the breakup just adds salt to her emotional wounds. “Even if the intention behind it was to feel better about myself, it would always make me feel like shit because, at the end of the day, I used to be that girl beside him, making plans of growing old together,” she said. Seeing anniversary and milestone posts on her feed from her ex is particularly difficult for her: “It would remind me of how things were like when the breakup was still fresh: crying nonstop, screaming my lungs out in pain, and feeling all this anger and frustration and grief.”

It’s important to track moments when you feel the need to social stalk and assess what factors those instances may have in common. Were you in a specific place that reminded you of them, hanging out with certain people, or doing a particular activity? Maybe this could also be indicative of a larger personal issue we have, like in Annie’s case. “Now, I’m trying to see if my hate-stalking is a manifestation of my demand avoidance: if I’m doing this just to ignore what I know I should be doing to make my life better,” she said.

Put a plan in motion

If we’re not careful, social media stalking can go from a harmless little treat to a negative reflex that bleeds into our daily routines. “Acknowledging the urge as it creeps up on us and giving ourselves a few minutes to pause before acting on it could be helpful,” said Krems. Exercising this self-restraint, even in small increments, can help us think about whether it’s something we really want to do or just a habit our brains and thumbs have grown accustomed to.

Other long-term examples that could help kill this habit include losing ourselves in something else — maybe a hobby, a piece of media, or even another person. “Lately, I’ve found that crocheting and going on TikTok instead helps me,” Lily said. It can also help to open up to someone we trust so we can process what we feel rather than forcing ourselves to seek out information that confirms our destructive beliefs.

In extreme cases, like those that require a total digital detox, we could find ourselves making excuses instead of taking steps to curb our behavior. In this case, Sturmer invites us to examine why this may be the case: “Perhaps you don’t want to put boundaries in place because you say you really need social media for other purposes. Ask yourself if this is really true, and try to seek out ways to get only the information that you needelsewhere.”

Accept that it’s a normal part of life

Contrary to popular belief, keeping tabs on the social media of people you don’t like isn’t always this shameful activity that signals the beginning of a depressive episode or unhealthy obsession; when taken at face value, it’s just another means to acquire new knowledge — and if we find exactly what we’re looking for, it could significantly improve our outlook. “I found out that my former coworker didn’t get into the company she wanted and was forced into retirement,” Rica said. “It’s amusing to see her trying to convince everyone that she’s happy with how her life looks now.”

On other occasions, it can even serve as a means to strengthen or start relationships. “There’s a possibility that shared hate might actually bring us together more than shared love. If we both hate the same person, perhaps we have underlying similarities that could make us great cooperators,” said Krems. “This coalitional hate-stalking can feel good because we’re both discovering information and bonding together, which could have great payoffs for our well-being.”

While this may seem like a reach to some, let’s face it: No matter how much we claim to have moved on, the right mixture of boredom and curiosity could compel us to check up on a certain person. The schadenfreude that can come with that doesn’t mean we’re irredeemable or evil human beings. Our feelings toward the events in our lives, and the people we meet, are valid and varied. As long as our social media check-ins aren’t an obsessive and organized effort to ruin someone else’s life or to hurt ourselves, we don’t need to beat ourselves up when we go down the same ol’ spiral.

“Not liking someone and wishing them ill, should we be doing that? That’s a question that depends on our morality,” Krems said. “But does almost everyone do that? I think the answer is yes.”

#Why do we keep tabs on people we can’t stand? #emotions #hate #pain #validation

[girlbossgirlblogger]

Being alone was slightly less terrifying than settling. I guess what I’ve really done is settle for being alone. 

I have all this love trapped in me with nowhere to put it, so it rots and turns to bitterness and resentment.

I learned I was an overthinker when I wrote a short story for my creative writing class with a character based on myself and the entire class described her as an overthinker. I was genuinely not aware of it beforehand. I thought everyone was that internally analytical.

I say, “I don’t like people” in place of the truth, which is, “People don’t like me.” It’s a defensive survival instinct because I can’t take the trying anymore. I’m too embarrassed and ashamed of the truth. I’ve always been aware enough to know most people don’t like me, but never aware enough to know why. I’ve never really been able to figure out why people decide they dislike me when they don’t even know me, before they even have the chance to get to know me. I don’t know what’s so off putting about me. My friends think I’m just mean, but I’m not; furthermore, I wasn’t always like this, but the world and the people within it have hardened me and poisoned me with bitterness. I know this is close minded and I’m not giving people a chance to prove me wrong, but it hurts too much, and how many times do I need to be proven right time and time again? I know I’m the problem, but I’ve decided I will no longer give them the chance. I can be my own problem and not burden anyone with being their problem. I can keep them safe from the posion, I can shield them from it. This is my act of liking people; doing them the favor of keeping them away from me.

I hate when someone says something to me and I instantly know I will never forget it, will never stop thinking about it. It’s usually a thoughtless comment with no harmful intentions.

I looked at them and listened to the silence between us, even when the lights went out.

But I am not a good person. I am a shitty person who takes care of people and tries to serve everyone around me in a feeble attempt to amount purpose to my life, like doing enough good things makes up for the fact that I am not a good person.

You can’t be a bad person because you aren’t really a person at all. You’re just one version of yourself at this point in time. Everyone is broken into a million different fragments – the person we see ourselves as, the person some people see us as, the person other people see us as, the person we want to be, the person we truly are, and the person we may become. Actions are shitty, people are not, so it isn’t really possible for you to be a shitty person.

Immediately once we say the words we say and do the things we do they become changed into new matter entirely. But perhaps in the few seconds where we open our mouths to speak and begin the actions we take they are just that – words and actions, unchanged. There is simply not enough time to live in those few seconds. Instantly after, those words and actions become altered by perception. There is no truth, only memory. The window for the present is so small, that there is no life, only memory. And it is impossible to share an identical memory with anyone else and nearly just as impossible to convey memory in its entirety with anyone else. As such, we are all stuck living in separate lives, in separate memories.