#even though Syd can hurt him like no one else. she’s also the only person watching him sometimes?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rosyfingereddawnn · 3 years

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That’s The Way

Pairing: Jimmy Page x Reader

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: none, this is kind of an introductory/fluff chapter if you will :)

Story summary: Y/N Y/L/N, an ordinary seventeen-year-old girl, gets pulled into the world of rock and roll on a fateful night at the Marquee Club in London when she experiences the musical phenomenon of the Five Live Yardbirds. She grows up fast, navigating her way through the downfall of The Yardbirds, the legendary skyrocket of Led Zeppelin, era-defining decadence instigated by the ‘60s and ‘70s mindset of free love and personal gratification, and finding the courage to express how she fell deeply in love with one of modern music’s greatest guitarists.

Author’s notes (from Molly of rebel-without-a-zeppelin): Hi everyone! A little disclaimer on my part: this is the first story I’ve ever shared for public consumption. I’ve been toying with this idea in my mind for a very long time now, and I’ve finally mustered up the courage to share it with you all. I hope you like it. I am incredibly honored to collaborate with Syd on this project; this is truly our baby, as it has a very long, detailed, intricate plot, so saddle up for lots (and lots) of drama! This is also a sloooowwwww burn, like really, really slow lol. Over the course of the story, please feel free to send me your theories and comments; I would absolutely love to read them. Please enjoy, and happy reading!

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3 May 1965

The sound of a car horn beeped incessantly from the front of Y/N’s house. Dropping her backpack down on her bedroom floor with an annoyed huff, she sprinted down the steps. She never did get enough time to prepare, and it was no different today. With her friend Carolyn in tow, Y/N made a beeline for the front door, the click-clack of her Oxford shoes pounding across the hardwood floor. Y/N’s mum, who nonchalantly strolled out of the laundry room with an armful of freshly washed and folded bath towels, leant against the doorframe.

“Now remember Y/N: no drinking, no drugs, no sex. No going home with strange musician guys, nor are you allowed to go to their hotel,” her mum instructed calmly, knowing she’d receive an eye roll from the girl. Her stern expression at home on her gracefully-aged face, the girls receive the speech they get every time they go out. “You too, C. Even though I’m not your mother, I still worry about your safety.”

Both Y/N’s mum and dad had a very protective instinct over their eldest daughter, just like their other three children. Even at Y/N’s healthy age of seventeen, she longed for the freedom and trust that her older brother had gained at her age.

“Thank you, Mrs. Y/L/N,” Carolyn replied with a little laugh.

“Mum! This is literally the fourth time I’ve been to a Yardbirds gig, and nothing bad has happened,” Y/N huffed. Her mum raised her eyebrows.

Lillian, Y/N’s little sister, walked into the foyer and surprised Y/N with a big, tight hug around her waist. Y/N gasped at the sudden contact, but chuckled when she realized it was her younger sister, and reciprocated the hug.

“I don’t want you getting hurt, Y/N. Boys are icky. And stupid!” Lillian said in a whiny voice, her face muffled by being buried in Y/N’s stomach.

Y/N ruffled her sister’s muss of dirty blonde waves affectionately, rubbing her back to soothe her worries. “I promise, I will come back perfectly fine! I won’t let any boys mess with me, Lil,” Y/N said with a smile, “And when I come back, I’ll tell you everything that happened.”

Lillian gazed up at Y/N with a similar smile, her small teeth shining a bright, pearly white and her chin resting on the taller girl’s stomach. “Okay,” she said, content, before releasing from Y/N with a stuffed animal tucked under her arm.

“Where’s Charlie?” Y/N asked, hoping she could say goodbye to her younger brother before she left.

“I think he’s riding around the neighborhood on his bike with his friends,” Y/N’s mum replied with a shrug. Y/N felt a little disappointed, but she figured she’d talk to him tomorrow at breakfast about her night out.

Thomas, Y/N’s older brother, continued to honk the horn rather obnoxiously, growing quite impatient. It’s a wonder the neighbors weren’t at arms, knocking on their door. He was forced by his parents to be Y/N and Carolyn’s chauffeur to the Marquee Club in London.

“We have to go, or else Tommy will have my head,” Y/N said as she started to open the front door.

“Wait!” her mum said, sloppily placing the towels down on a nearby counter to dash to the door and give Y/N a hug and a kiss on the head goodbye. Finally pulling away her weathered hands flew to Y/N’s shoulders, and gripping them firmly, she continued, “Be good. Love you.”

“I know, I will. Love you too,” Y/N smiled, before dashing down the steps and to the passenger seat of the car. Carolyn was in quick pursuit, following her to the car and taking a seat in the back.

“It’s about time,” Tommy huffed impatiently, tapping his fingertips on the top of the steering wheel as he put the transmission into drive.

“Sorry. Mum was giving me and C a safety brief,” Y/N replied apologetically.

“Why are you two still in school uniforms?” he snorted, shifting to look over at the girls; their studious appearance of white oxford shirts, sweater vests, plaid kilts, white knee socks, and smart oxford shoes would be quite out of place among the audience at the show.

“No time to change, just like usual,” she replied, turning on the radio, soft melodies pouring out at a low volume.

The three drove in silence, except for the sound of the radio playing, until Carolyn had dozed off on the somewhat lengthy car ride. Occasional small talk between Y/N and her brother permeated the quiet that fell over the group, but it picked up when they were only a few blocks away from the venue.

“You gotta stay safe in there, Y/N,” Tommy said, looking straight ahead. His teeth clamped down sharply on his bottom lip: a dead giveaway to the nerves he must have been feeling.

“I know, Dad,” Y/N joked, punching him lightly across the shoulder. Her bright smile wavered and fell when she saw his grim expression.

“I’m serious, you know. I don’t want my sister being pestered by some wankers in a blues band.”

Y/N smirked at her brother’s sudden defensive behavior. “I can take care of myself. Trust me. This isn’t my first rodeo. You should’ve seen the first Yardbirds gig we went to. Utter chaos...” The tilt of her lips signalled that she was joking, and Tommy huffed out a laugh.

Carolyn, stretching with a grunt, had miraculously woken up just as Tommy pulled up to the front door of the Marquee. Glancing at the venue with awe dancing in their eyes, Y/N and Carolyn disembarked from the car, walking closer with the façade of calmness and competency.

“I’ll be back later to pick you girls up. Have fun, but not too much fun,” Tommy rolled his window down as he said this, winking playfully.

Y/N waved to her brother as Carolyn thanked him graciously for the ride. Arms linked, Y/N and Carolyn entered the famous Marquee. Nervousness and anticipation began to pool Y/N’s stomach as she was greeted by the decadent atmosphere of the club: the smell of smoke, alcohol, and sweat hung in the air as her eyes were flashed by many people mingling about, dressed in typical mod clothing. Y/N and her friend looked at each other, feeling like aliens in their intelligent dress. They tactfully made their way through the crowd as they found their way to their usual spot, a small leather-upholstered booth set against the wall near the stage.

“Today might be the day, Y/N,” Carolyn said as they settled into their seats.

“I don’t know,” she replied, smoothing out her skirt, “the idea of that is both scary and exciting to me at the same time. We’ll just roll with the punches, I guess.”

“Which Yardbird do you have your eye on?”

Y/N smirked as she thought for a moment. “Hmm...I’m not sure. I guess they’re all pretty cute in their own way. What about you?”

“Yes, I agree. But I must admit, I do have a very soft spot for Chris Dreja.”

“I’ll pray for ya, C,” Y/N chuckled.

~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, backstage, five live Yardbirds were performing some pre-show rituals in the hopes of easing the preliminary anxiousness. Jeff, Keith, and Jim were peeking out the little sliver of curtain that allowed them to see their gathering audience.

“Look! It’s those two schoolgirls again!” Jeff pointed to the two teenage girls in school uniforms, chatting in their booth waiting for the show to begin. They were huddled together in conversation, legs daintily crossed as their faint giggles floated over to them. Jim couldn’t help but smile at the sound, though he recovered quickly, not wanting his bandmates to get any ideas.

“What’s wrong with that? They must like us,” Keith replied.

“I think they’re both really pretty, especially the one with the Y/H/C hair,” Jim pointed out, trying to be as subtle as possible.

“Yeah, maybe we should invite them backstage after the show… have a nice little chat,” Jeff winked at the singer and the drummer cheekily.

After taking a final glance at the two conversing girls, the three returned to the backstage area where Paul and Chris were. Jeff immediately enlisted Giorgio, their manager, to complete the agreed-upon mission. Jeff loosely draped an arm around Giorgio’s shoulder before bestowing the request as politely as possible. Not trying to be suspiciously polite, of course, because everyone in the band and its entourage were firsthand witnesses of Jeff’s temper and stubbornness. Yikes.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to do me a favor,” Jeff said to Giorgio with a mischievous smile.

Giorgio rolled his eyes, knowing this “favor” would have to do with scouting girls from the audience. “What d’ya need, Jeff?” he sighed exhaustedly.

“Don’t complain, please,” Jeff deadpanned. “There are two pretty birds in the audience, wearing their school uniforms. They’ve been coming to our shows for a little bit now, and they seem nice—”

“You want me to bring them backstage after the show?” Giorgio interrupted, somehow telepathically knowing, by routine, what the guitarist’s request would be.

“You finish that sentence like you know what I’m about to say.”

“That’s because I do, Mr. Beck,” Giorgio retorted sarcastically, “this happens a lot more often than you think it does.”

“Whatever,” Jeff grumbled moodily, knowing he was right, before walking back to the group of musicians in preparation.

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Y/N and Carolyn continued to gossip happily about what was happening at school, not a care in the world. They felt the stares of older men in the club, who silently disapproved of their knee socks being scrunched by their ankles, because that wasn’t the “proper” thing to do. But they didn’t care. Who are they to judge?

Every teacher scolded girls at school who did the same thing, because they didn’t want their long legs to be “tempting” or “distracting” any boys. A bloody nuisance, is what it is.

The girls were snapped from their thoughts by the sound of a heavy guitar tone being blasted through the speakers in an opening riff. Their eyes were stapled, almost transfixed to the stage as they took in the five sharply-dressed men in front of them, singing their songs and playing their instruments.

As much as Carolyn enjoyed The Yardbirds and music in general, Y/N had a rather deep connection to it, odd enough as it was. She could play the piano fairly well, so she understood where these musicians were coming from cognitively and creatively. From what she’d read in magazines about current popular musicians, like The Yardbirds for example, she liked the same music they did. Y/N understood dynamics, tempo, tone, key, and musical notation, just like they did. Perhaps she’d be able to get into an intelligent musical conversation with at least one of them one day.

Two straight hours of hits, obscure songs, and blues covers from The Yardbirds’ catalogue were played for the Marquee Club patrons, hypnotizing its drunk and high onlookers with polished musicality and instrumentation.

As the final song concluded, both Y/N and Carolyn, unbeknownst to the other, felt a sinking feeling of disappointment that fell like a pit in their stomachs. They wouldn’t have the chance to meet the band. No one from the entity had approached them yet, and momentarily the five live Yardbirds would be exiting the stage for the night.

After they said their goodbyes and thanks to the crowd, they disappeared behind the curtain. The main lights of the club brightened to signal that the show was over, as the voices of all the patrons raised in rave of the spectacular show they had just witnessed.

Discouraged, but still in light spirits at what they had just seen, Y/N and Carolyn stood up from their seat and headed for the front door. Y/N expected her brother to be waiting in front; it was late, so might as well not make him wait longer than he needs to.

Y/N and Carolyn were merely a few feet from the door when Y/N felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Turning around to see a man with a dark beard already baring a jovial tight-lipped grin at her, the girl was quite surprised, maybe a little weirded out, but she reciprocated the gesture as genuinely as she could.

“Hello sir, what can we do for you?” Y/N greeted, discreetly nudging Carolyn to help her out and become a united front with her in front of this stranger.

“Good evening ladies, I was sent by Mr. Jeff Beck to offer you an invitation backstage to hang out with the band.”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and her face broke out into an obvious mad blush, much to her dismay. She was internally screaming. The Jeff Beck had spotted them in the crowd?! This had to be a dream. Wait, this could be a complete drunken buffoon trying to trick them. Y/N remembered what her mother had said, and took the proper precautionary measure.

Y/N smiled in the most composed way she could. “Thank you for such a gracious invitation! Could I ask your name, if you don’t mind?”

“Giorgio Gomelsky, manager of The Yardbirds,” he replied, in a seemingly proud manner.

Okay, this was real. Y/N knew that Giorgio was definitely the manager’s name. She turned to Carolyn, who looked just as excited as she was.

“What are your names, dears?” Giorgio asked, pulling them out of their daze of what seemed like a fake reality.

“I’m Carolyn, and this is my friend Y/N,” Carolyn piped up, excited that she finally got an opportunity to speak to someone close to The Yardbirds.

She internally agreed to let Y/N handle the “diplomacy” part of the introduction, knowing that she was best at that. Carolyn knew her friend was quite shy, so she knew to step in when Y/N was starting to feel anxious. She noticed Y/N starting to fiddle with her fingers while talking to Giorgio in the most collected way she could muster; as excited as Y/N was, Carolyn knew she was growing very nervous.

“Well, it is certainly lovely to meet you both. So, what do you say? Would you like to meet the lads?”

After one final glance of excited mutual agreement, Carolyn replied, “Yes, we’d love to.”

Giorgio led the pair of girls back the way they came, through a sea of inebriated people, but this time through the backstage door. Y/N made an appoint to walk behind Carolyn, in an attempt to collect and relax herself. She was starting to sweat a little, her stomach doing flips and her hands becoming cold and clammy.

~~~~~~~~

“Our guests should be arriving any minute now,” Jeff said as he was placing his guitar back in its case.

Chris was standing and chatting with Paul in a corner when he turned around in surprise at the news. “Guests? What guests?”

“We had Giorgio invite two girls from the audience to come back here,” Jim replied, walking over to sit down in a metal folding chair.

“And why weren't we made aware of this?” Paul asked, as he walked to get another metal folding chair to place near Jim.

“It was their idea,” Keith replied, pointing two fingers between Jeff and Jim. Paul and Chris just nodded in recognition.

“I didn’t hear you disagree, Relf,” Jeff clapped back. He then told Chris and Keith to get some chairs for themselves and the two girls that would be walking through the door at any second.

Before Keith could respond, a couple knocks resounded in the room, signalling the arrival of the guests. Jacket lapels and ties were quickly straightened, even though each person was still glazed with quickly-drying sweat from the show they had just played, before the room fell unnaturally quiet as Giorgio opened the rather squeaky door.

The initial tension in the room that lasted a split second could be cut with a knife. Y/N felt her heart pounding in her chest, a cold sweat already running down her back, as five pairs of eyes landed on her, Carolyn, and Giorgio, warm smiles following suit.

She felt like internally combusting.

“Boys, this is Y/N,” Giorgio broke the momentary silence by introducing her, “and Carolyn.” Y/N smiled shyly and sent them a little wave, a dusty shade of pink seeping its way to her cheeks. Carolyn’s greeting was much more exuberant than Y/N’s, as she took the initiative to go over and shake all of their hands amiably. Y/N realized she had to follow her friend in order to make a good first impression.

Knowing that the boys wanted to spend time with the girls without being chaperoned, Giorgio left the room to attend to other business affairs.

Upon first glance, Y/N was the most beautiful girl that four of the five Yardbirds had ever seen. Perfect features, long legs, a calm, gentle, sweet demeanor… Just an absolutely angelic young woman; a vision.

Jeff had obviously recognized her beauty, from seeing her at multiple shows, but he thought she was way out of his league. He decided to focus on getting her to laugh and relax around them, because he noticed just how nervous she looked. She was turning pale right in front of his very eyes! Paul and Chris began to internally question themselves, how have I not seen this girl before? She is so gorgeous! Jim had been glancing at her sporadically throughout the show, soaking up her faraway presence. He noticed how her eyes glistened in childlike wonder as she watched them do what they did best: perform the Chicago blues.

“Well, it is very nice to meet you both,” Keith replied enthusiastically. “I’m Keith,” he alluded to himself, then pointing to the other members of the group while giving their names, “and this is Chris, Paul, Jeff, and Jim.”

“I mean, we know who you guys are, but it’s so lovely to finally meet you,” Carolyn replied. Y/N nodded in agreement.

“Come and sit down! Make yourselves comfortable. We don’t bite,” Jeff joked, motioning to the open chairs. The girls smiled and accepted his invitation, Y/N taking a seat between Jeff Beck and Jim McCarty, while Carolyn took a seat between Keith Relf and Chris Dreja. The chairs were arranged in a circular formation, so each person could talk to the other with ease.

“Tell us about yourselves!” Paul initiated, “I think Y/N should go first though, because you haven’t said too much yet,” he laughed at the last part. Y/N giggled (a little too idiotically for her own liking), but she felt herself become starstruck at how her name sounded coming from one of their voices.

Y/N clenched her cold, clammy hands in her lap as a method to ease her anxiety before starting with a smile. “Well, I’m from Saint Albans. This is our fourth time, I believe, coming to see a Yardbirds gig. Carolyn and I came to see you with Eric Clapton once, and then this is the third time with Jeff.”

“Oh, that’s fantastic! I guess I see where your favor lies in terms of guitarists,” Jeff responded playfully.

“I guess you’re right,” Y/N laughed, “I will admit that I love what you’ve done with the body of work. Clapton was a blues purist, which I respect, and he’s great, but I think your playing is much more interesting and unorthodox.”

Paul, Jim, and Jeff all raised their eyebrows at Y/N’s comment. They were impressed with how she understood their musicality.

“Are you a musician?” Jim asked Y/N.

“Not in your sense of the word,” Y/N chuckled, “But I’ve been playing the piano for most of my life, so I understand music. Probably more than your average female audience member,” she added with a grin.

“That’s so cool! Are you classically trained, or is it just a hobby?”

“Classically trained,” Y/N admitted to Jim shyly.

“Oh wow, so you’re the real deal,” Jeff added.

“I’m not a professional, so I’d say no,” Y/N laughed.

“You probably know more about music than all five of us combined!” Paul said.

“Well, I know that you know much more about the blues than me!” Y/N answered playfully.

“Okay, I’ll give you that,” Paul smiled at Y/N. She cursed herself in her mind for feeling weak at Paul’s simple sentiment, but tried to keep her composure as best she could.

The four of them, especially Jeff and Y/N, began to bond over their love for different musicians. Y/N expressed her love for Chet Atkins and his fingerpicking style, Scotty Moore’s lively soloing style, and Robert Johnson’s slide technique and open tunings, rendering the three men shocked at her knowledge on the subject. Y/N loved how easily Jeff could make her laugh, and how interested Paul and Jim were at whatever she had to say, significant or insignificant. Chris Dreja, who was in a little group with Keith and Carolyn, occasionally spaced out of his conversation to hear what Y/N had to say.

They bonded for about an hour and a half about everything and nothing, until Y/N abruptly realized that Tommy was probably waiting for a while outside for her and her friend. She apologized to the band profusely for such a sudden departure as she and Carolyn walked towards the door.

“Say you’ll come visit us again after the show?” Jeff called to Y/N as she turned towards him in the doorframe.

“Absolutely,” she smiled brightly.

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Thanks so much, hope you enjoy!!

Taglist: @y0uth--anasia @reincarnated70sbaby

#jimmy page #led zeppelin #that’s the way #jimmy page fanfic #jimmy page fanfiction #jimmy page x reader #led zeppelin fanfic #classic rock fanfic

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cadomoisspokenfor · 3 years

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Ya know thinking about it, maybe there’s nothing more to Syds weird amount of trust for Farouk than gullibleness and pride.

There seemed to be a pattern of her not really internalizing the severity of Farouks crimes, she mostly just thought of him as an “asshole” throughout all the seasons and not someone doing deep long lasting damage to the people around her.

In chap 11 when they find the music box David ask what it is she says, “Nothing just your asshole parasite messing with my head.”

As if its Davids fault Farouks evil, or as if Farouks only a David problem, and not ya know, an extremely powerful supervillain bent on world domination.

I’m trying to figure out what Syds perception of Farouk was, so lets look at their major interactions.

1. Discovers his existence, chap 5. She was wondering what the problem in her and Davids relationship was and now she has someone to blame. I’ll point out, it’s likely she was only thinking of Farouk as an obstacle in the way of her and Davids relationship, and not as a horrifying abuser who’s had a chokehold on David for his entire life. Now the “mission” is clear, snip Farouk outta Davids head, everything’ll be perfect.

2. David and Amys childhood home, also chap 5. Farouk jump-scares them a few times. And I think as far as Syds concerned, that’s a cheap trick. She sheds a tear but then puts on a brave face and keeps moving. Just a horror show after all. None of it “real”. But then Lenny actually jumps out and attacks her, telepathically ties her up then starts grotesquely kissing David while he’s unconscious. And the way she talks, I think Syd internalizes Lenny as being like... a jealous ex. The kissing, the “you stole my man” type language. Man, this relationship obstacle just won’t get out the way. And then...

3. Mental Clockworks, chap 5-7. In the white room Farouk reveals his true form and chases Syd down which scares the shit outta her. But, important note, he doesn’t actually touch her before the delusion is put in place. It’s still very much not real.

Anyways, what’s a horrifying display of control and power for everyone else worked a bit differently for Syd. She was the only one who noticed anything was off. And she couldn’t place it for a while, which worried her, and she eventually gets incapacitated by Lenny. But then, she’s woken up by Cary who takes her into a phone booth and tries to update her on what’s happening, only she’s already figured it out. I’ll point this out as a moment of overconfidence, she’s visibly proud that she was able to see through the illusion. She’s not like the others, she’s a hero archetype. And being that means when Cary hands her the glasses and tells her to go save the others she’s super confident in her ability to do so. She’s the hero after all. And when she does put on the glasses she remarks, “She thought it’d be more interesting.” She’s actively downplaying this nightmare. I don’t hold it against her but my point in saying all this is that it comes back later. This is another instance of her thinking Farouk’s “Not that big a deal.” Underestimating his abilities. I mean, she saw through it after all, she could probably do it again if she needed too... right?

To summarize 3, Syd sees herself as the hero who saw through Farouks cheap illusion. She feels stronger than Farouk here, like he couldn’t hurt her (really hurt her I mean) even if he tried. And in that, she can’t relate to the others who treat it like a big deal or like a traumatizing moment in their adventure. It was just a standard hero vs villain fight to her. Really hope the points getting across cause this’ll come up later.

4. White room, chap 8. Another interaction with Lenny only this time she’s on the ropes, looking a lot worse for ware. Syds not scared of her anymore, or so she tells herself at least. She saw through Farouks tricks. She can do it again if she has too. Nothings gonna get in the way of her and Davids happily ever after. Except Lenny has a good point... she’s still inside David. Still attached to his mind. She could explode his brain if they try to rip her out forcefully. And David can’t handle himself against Farouk, Syd knows this. Cause Davids never won against Farouk up to this point. Getting out of Mental Clockworks was a team effort from her, Melanie, Cary, and Oliver. If it hadn’t been for the crown they wouldn’t’ve gotten out of their. Syds role in this was to keep Kerry and Rudy safe until Cary could complete his end of the plan. And she did. But David was helpless in that, as far she knows. So she, the hero, needs to do something. Just sitting around isn’t good enough. So... she switches with David again. Using a true loves kiss too, a truly fairy tale worthy action, one for the books.

She’s fully possessed now, completely outta control of her own body, but Farouk only used her to get Kerry. It’s a very short moment for Syd, she might not even remember it. When she wakes up she says, “Did we win?” She honestly might’ve just blacked out after the kiss. Because they’re not telepaths their minds are probably much easier to push to the side than Davids. She might not’ve really... experienced the possession is what I’m getting at. And she’s once again most concerned with David.

D: “You should not have done that, as much as I like kissing you.”

S: “It would’ve killed you.” She says that last line not in a concerned way, but in a playful-ish way. As if to say “Obviously I saved you. I’d destroy the world myself if it meant saving you.”

Ya know what, I’ll point out here also that David once again failed to beat Farouk. Syd managed to get Farouk out of his mind but David still couldn’t stop him in the real world.

5. Plaque, chap 9. As explained in show, Syds been part of the team hunting down Farouk and trying to stop him from finding his body. Before chap 12 she and everyone else is under the impression that Farouk is the source of the “maze virus”. A psychological plaque that freezes everyone in their tracks and causes them to chatter their teeth. Disturbing, but... just based on other stuff we know about the character... she probably doesn’t care that much. Her main focus is probably still David. And when David comes back, she immediately blames him for disappearing. Her context here being that he was found in the club they followed Farouk to, next to a bunch of teeth chatterers mumbling, “Help them. Their in the maze.” Clearly, he’s been somewhat involved with the events of the past year, so why hasn’t he contacted her? Why hasn’t he included her in it? Why’d he abandon her? He says he doesn’t remember anything? Ptonomy says otherwise. Clearly he remembers something. He’s keeping secrets. She gets why from the others, but why from her? They’re supposed to be a team. And he abandoned her, to go clubbing with Farouk or whatever it is that he was doing their.

6. Music box, chap 10. Davids back. Maybe she can just pretend things are normal. He leads them to the middle of nowhere and they find her old music box. Farouk. That asshole. His little jump scares and memory tricks won’t get to her. He can’t hurt her, remember? This is all he can do. Illusions, trick. And she’ll see right through them every time. Besides, was reminding her of her childhood really the best he can do? Yeah she’s got a childhood, so does everyone. She’s over it already. (I’m starting to type more and more in Syds perspective.)

6.5 Syd the illusion breaker gets caught in the maze, chap 12. Only... she’s out of it before David even enters her mind to save her. She sees that he’s there, doesn’t know why, but decides to use this as an opportunity to teach him a lesson. We all know the lesson though. The headline in this particular case is, “David never saved Syd from her maze.” He never even saw it. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about when she mentions it. He entered her mind but she’s the one in full control. Scary good control even, props to her. The lesson she’s trying to teach him is sort of... her own thought process on heroism. “Love can’t save us, it’s what we have to save.” Up to this point “love” is all Syds been fighting for. It’s been the driving force behind her heroism. She’s done some messed up things in her past, sure, but all her problems only made her stronger. They made her the “truth seer” she is today. They led her to David, the best thing that’s ever happened to her. No villain can hurt her more than she’s hurt herself. This all... obviously doesn’t translate perfectly to David. That’s just... not been his experience.

(Skippable David Tangent) Farouk hurt David the most that any one person could. And David couldn’t hurt himself more even if he tried. And all Davids pain hasn’t made him mentally stronger, less gullible, or less sensitive. The opposite in fact. Davids minds been split, unbeknownst to Syd. He’s in a constant state of confusion. He keeps getting tugged around by friends and enemies and doesn’t know what to do about it. Davids pain hasn’t shielded him at all, just caused him more strife. He’s even still being manipulated by his abuser. The survivor story just doesn’t work on him, at the moment at least. As far as Davids concerned his “strength” comes from his powers, and he didn’t get a choice in those either. Syd doesn’t see any of this, she’s not a telepath. She hopes her story will help him but... it really only applies to her. Back into her perspective though,

7. Lenny’s back, chap 15. I know this isn’t a Farouk interaction but it is sorta important. Davids not listening to her. She’s trying to remind him of the mission, trying to keep him focused, but clearly it’s not working. Losing his sister really affected him. She understands sure, but he won’t even talk to her about it. Love is what’s supposed to be used to help each other through these dark times, to make sure people don’t feel alone. But he’s isolating himself from her. He isn’t “saving love” he’s pushing it away. That’s not what heroes are supposed to do. Farouk is once again in the way of their love. She can’t blame David, and she knows it’s not her fault, so Farouk.

But the headline there is she’s downplaying his sisters death. As if it’s just another trick to mess with him, an obstacle to be hurdled over. Like the music box thing. But... his sister died. In fact... Lenny was more immediately comforting to him about it than either of the Syds were.

Syd still isn’t internalizing the pain Farouks causing to others. All she’s internalized is her own wins against him and the fact that he’s never permanently damaged her specifically. Or so she says. He’s still just a ghost in a haunted house.

8. Lenny talk, chap 16. Syd comes over to gloat. She sees through Farouks trick. Lenny’s not gonna frazzle her, or David. She’s just another obstacle to their happiness. Only Lenny drops a hard truth on her. And Syd doesn’t seem to want to hear it. She’s stunned at. Tbh... I think she walks away deciding not to believe her. It must be another trick. She just said that to mess with her (again, Syds thoughts). She really really wants to continue thinking of Farouk as “just some asshole” who they need to work with and/or defeat so her and David can finally have their happy ever after. At this point, if she actually started thinking of Farouk as dangerous to her, as a major threat, it’d feel like giving him power. The power of fear, over her. She refuses to be afraid of Farouk, cause she knows that’s how he tricks people. That’s how he controls them. So she doesn’t listen to Lenny. She resolves to continue downplaying Farouks crimes. A dog barking in peoples ears.

9. The cave, chap 18. In between this and the last one David left her again. He really doesn’t get what “saving love” means. But she dedicates herself to him again. If he won’t save love, she will. She’s a hero after all. She’s beaten Farouk in the past and she’ll beat him again if she has too. And then... the cave. Incorporating what another fan has said, even if Syd does pic up on Melanie being Farouk, she knows her future self wanted to work with him for some reason. He was the key to saving the world. He may be a house haunting asshole, but if he saves the world, then there’s gotta be something more to him... right? Melanie complains about Oliver some more, she’s over it. But then Melanie starts showing Syd images. Syd doesn’t know how she’s doing that, but some of the images are from very private personal moments. And they’re all centered on David. These must be memories. Both her and Davids. How Melanie is doing this can go on the back-burner for now, what is she trying to tell her with these? That Davids crazy? No, Farouk’s the one who was behind all these things. Davids “her man.” Her one true love. The problem in their relationship has always been Farouk.

But then... there are all those moments after she got Farouk out of his head. Him keeping secrets. Him not confiding in her, or being there for her. Him constantly leaving her behind. That’s not how love’s supposed to work. A psychopath? Well, when you say that... and you show these images on the screen... and you show him torturing Oliver ( a victim) to get to Syd. And enjoying it, almost like he just wanted the excuse to go all out. Like it’s not really about saving Syd. Or love for that matter. Syd maybe admits to herself at this point that Davids fairly unhinged. He’s had a rough childhood though, there were bound to be some sharp edges here and there. He tortures Oliver for a long time though. And it really starts to feel like he just likes doing it, not that he’s doing it cause it’s “necessary”. It doesn’t even work.

And then... Melanie shows her Future Syd. She matches the description David gave her. And there’s David, in those same pajamas he wears. And... he’s kissing FS. He didn’t tell her about that. It’s not cheating cause it’s her future self. But... they talked about this. David was the one to say it might feel weird. Why not tell her? Why keep that a secret. Even if it’s not cheating, it certainly feels like it. It’s a huge betrayal. And he doesn’t have Farouk as an excuse. Davids just... a bad person. She’s starting to piece together the point of all this. “Legion, The World Killer” yada yada.

David hasn’t been loyal to her. He hasn’t saved loved, he’s not going to save love. The path he’s on is dark and selfish. Could he destroy the world? They’ve known he could since season 1. They never thought he’d actually do it. But wait no, you can’t give up on love that easily. He’s a good person. And then Melanie shows it all again. And she shows him kissing Lenny. And she shows FS telling Farouk about David. And Syd can’t help but concede. Davids too far gone. Farouk may be an asshole, but David lied about everything. He lied to Syd. Again, Davids not going to save love, he missed the mark on that. Davids going to end the world.

Very important to point out here, as I’ve tried to build it up, Syds internalized herself as a hero who doesn’t let anything get to her. Farouk can’t hurt her with his illusions and tricks. She’s seen through them before and she’ll do it again. But David betraying her? Keeping secrets? Playing with her heart? That hurts more than anything Farouks done to her. She invested in David. She was on his side no matter what, but he wasn’t on her side. So if FS says Davids evil and has gotta go, than she’ll believe her. He’s gotta go.

All of this hopefully explains my theory on Syds specific moment-to-moment reasoning thoroughly

I also wanna say though, if I’m right this makes Syds moment on the mountain make more sense. All the specific unexplained discrepancies.

She says she knows it was Farouk who showed her all that. Because she doesn’t perceive Farouk as that big of a threat and again, as mostly a house haunter. Those were clearly memories, she doesn’t care that the infos coming from him, and she believes she can tell the difference between an illusion and something real. so Davids gotta answer for that.

She gets a detail wrong, she says “He went to see her, after you quit.” But we all know he saw her before David quit and specifically set him up. Syd doesn’t know David specifically broke their rules after they set them. She thinks he kissed her beforehand and didn’t tell her for whatever reason.

And again, she doesn’t fully understand what everyone around hers been through. Hence, “The son of sam” thing. To her, Farouk maybe evil, but you can see through his tricks if you just try hard enough. Even though he possessed her she didn’t really register it happening. At a certain point the things you do when he’s in your head are on you (says Syd).

Oh, and also majorly, the “Farouk, your enemy” thing. She never really care about him all that much. He was just an obstacle. David was the one who had a weird complex about him.

Tl;dr Syd doesn’t view Farouk as much of a threat. She doesn’t register or internalize the pain he’s causing to the others cause he’s not doing any of it to her. Syds main focus is David and when she realizes what Farouk’s showing her are memories, and that David’s betrayed her and isn’t planning on “saving love”, that hurts her more than anything Farouks done. Thus, she turns.

#legion fx #spoilers

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teaspoon-full-of-sugar · 4 years

Text

wrong

pairing: stanley barber x reader

warnings: drug use (of course), spoilers for season finale, arguments, cursing

word count: 2.2 k

synopsis: in which stanley is in love with his best friend, and y/n has had enough of the distance.

—

Stanley Barber remembers vividly the first time he ever got high.

He was barely 13 when he found his father's stash in the old china chest in the corner of the dining room, and it took him a couple months to gather the courage to actually use it. His mother was gone, claiming to be at the neighbor lady's house for a "wine night"; he later found out that she went there to sleep with the neighbor lady's husband. He couldn't blame her for the affair, though.

Looking back on that night, he sounds a little pitiful. He was by himself, coughing and choking on the burning smoke. He laughed and talked to himself until he passed out, content and calm. It wasn't an overwhelming high, or an exhausting high, or even a powerful high, but he would never forget that night.

The next morning, he woke up with a foggy mind, burning eyes, and a wide smile. He strutted proudly out of his house that morning, his satchel dragging behind him, and quickly caught up to his neighbor, Y/N, who had her baggy hoodie bundled in her arms, wrapped tightly around her middle as she sluggishly walked down the wet sidewalk. He remembers the sour look on her face, her eyes downcast and heavy as she grumbled about how early it was. She gave him an incredulous look when he told her about his escapades the night before; she didn't believe him. A part of him was offended when she started laughing, brows cocked with judgment in her eyes.

"I swear," he said. "I'll prove it to you."

She just rolled her eyes, nudged him with her elbow, and scoffed.

"Sure, Stan."

Later that night, he took her to the basement, offered her a joint, and the rest is history.

That was also the night that Stanley Barber finally admitted to himself that he liked Y/N.

He knew that night they first got high together. He knew when he saw that blissful smile on her lips, when her nose scrunched up when she laughed, and when she fell asleep on his arm, features happy and carefree and relaxed. He knew when they woke the next morning, her eyes swollen with sleep, that he would do anything to see her that happy again.

Now that he's (almost) a man and in high school, he can assuredly say that he loves her.

But Stanley Barber, to put it lightly, is weak, riddled with anxiety and self-doubt, so he's never had the courage to tell her how he feels. Every weekend for the past three years, he has wanted to confess his undying love for her, like in the movies. He's thought about it so many different ways; maybe one night he would hold a boombox outside her house, or he would just gather the courage to kiss her. He dreamed of her, holding his hands one night after getting high, and while he was rambling about the meaning of life, she would cut him off by kissing him, her lips tasting like weed and Oreo's and something that is just uniquely her.

But that never happens.

In his junior year of high school, he is confident for once in his life, and he asks Syd out. He never really considered why he wasn't nervous when he asked Syd out. Perhaps, it was because he was certain she wouldn't say no, or, and this is the more likely scenario of the two, he didn't really care if she shot him down. He didn't care if Sydney refused his advances because she wasn't really the one who he had feelings for; she wasn't the one who occupied his every thought. Sydney wasn't the one who held his heart. God, that sounds stupidly sappy. He hates himself for even thinking that.

But he could learn. He could learn to love her as much as he loves his best friend.

Or at least that's what he tells himself.

Nevertheless, he started seeing more and more of Sydney Novak and less of Y/N. He tried not to notice, but he did. (Of course, he did). Y/N would claim to have to stay in class for lunch to finish a project, and then, she started walking home after school instead of riding home with him. Soon, she stopped showing up to their weekend hangouts, which were once filled with smoke, laughter and blissful stories.

It was a good thing, he told himself over and over. It was a good thing. He needed to get out of that relationship. It was starting to take a toll on his mental health. He eventually started to push Sydney into the void that Y/N once had.

When Sydney told him about her mind powers or whatever, it was just another thing to distract him.

That's all everything was anymore: a distraction from his feelings.

Then, it all went to shit. All those distractions and excuses he made came crumbling down.

It's the night of Homecoming. Sydney left him for Dina as soon as they got there, but he didn't expect any different. Y/N isn't there; no one asked her, and he hadn't bothered seeing if she would want to go with him and Sydney, since she hadn't bothered talking to him for the past weeks, even though it was basically his fault. He doesn't dwell on that thought. Then, Bradley pushed Sydney too far, and well... he lost his head. The drive home is a blur of sirens, flashing lights, and blood. He couldn't find Sydney.

He comes home that night to see Y/N lying on his bed, feet propped up on his pillow with too-big socks slipping off her heels. She doesn't move when he kicks his shoes off, unbuttons his shirt; she doesn't look at him, not even when he slips under the covers beside her.

"How was your night?" He asks, but she doesn't answer, the sound of her shallow breaths being the only sound in the room, besides the buzzing from the old lights by the bar. He sighs. "My night was great. Thanks for asking."

He wants to burst, anger and insecurity making it hard for him to breath. He wants so badly to tell her everything: what's been going on with Sydney, with Bradley; he wants to scream until his lungs give out because he just feels like no one can hear him, or even notice him for that matter. He wants her to know how much he wishes she was with him tonight, how she makes things easier for him. He just wishes she could understand, but she won't, and she never will. Why? Because he is a scared little boy, and that's all he'll ever be.

"Don't be a dick, Stan," she mutters, words slurring together slightly.

"How high are you?"

"Too high," she answers, trying to keep her composure. That's when he notices her legs twitching, her barely open eyes, a half eaten Cosmic Brownie and a crumpled water bottle on the ground.

"Do you need to throw up?" He asks tiredly, knowing how she can get when she's had too much, and, judging by her sluggish movements, she's nearly there.

"No." She says.

They sit in silence, and for the first time in the history of their friendship, it's awkward.

"I'm mad at you," she says suddenly. "I am very angry with you." Her voice breaks toward the end. He can't see it, but a tear slips down Y/N's cheek, wetting her hair.

He never noticed how much of an effect it had on her when he left. Stan was her only friend, and the fact that he left her alone for some other girl made her understand how fragile she feels without Stan beside her. She hates how dependent she is on him, so she did what any other person would do: pushed herself away. She always thought that it was always going to be just her and Stan, but she was sorely mistaken. It was petty, really. It started off with little things, like being snippy whenever he brought Syd up; then it escalated, and it eventually got to the point where she would leave whenever Sydney was going to come over.

When Stan told her that he and Sydney slept together, it was over.

Y/N hated how many tears she cried for him. She hated the fact that she was never good enough for him. She hated having those stupid memories with him, and she hated the fact that she still loved him. Despite the fact that he seemed to care so little about their friendship, despite the pain he put her through, she couldn't get him out of her head; she couldn't sleep without dreaming of him, and her days were plagued with thoughts of him.

And it broke her to see him so happy with someone else.

So, she cut herself out of his life completely because surely, she would be fine on her own, right?

Once again, she was mistaken.

Despite how hurt and resentful she was, she could not stay away.

"Why? Is that why you've been avoiding me? I haven't seen you in weeks, and now, you come around when you need a hit. And you break into my room and use my stash. What the hell, Y/N? You're angry with me? I should be angry with you," he spits, sitting up quickly.

She shakes her head, breathing out through her nose. She turns onto her side, facing away from him. He feels his face heat up, anger and frustration seeping through every pore, but behind all that—the hurt and the resentment—he feels empty and broken.

"Fucking look at me, Y/N," he grits out, his emotions getting the better of him. Stanley has always been a picker; he pushes and pushes until he gets a reaction out of the person. He did the same with Sydney at the bowling alley (and he nearly got his head taken off) and he does the same with his father. Maybe it's to get a reaction or attention.

"Why are you angry with me? Huh?" He asks again, poking her and pulling at her arm to make her look at him.

"What is wrong with me?" She sits up suddenly, making them nose-to-nose. Stan visibly recoils, brows furrowing and lips twitching. She looks tired, her shoulders sagging.

"What?"

"What is so wrong with me, huh?" Her bottom lip trembles, and tears swell in her red, hooded eyes. "I have been with you through everything, with your dad, your mom—" She looks down at her trembling hands, snot dripping from her nose. She wipes it away with the sleeve of her sweater, sighing weakly. "Then, suddenly, that's not enough, and you ditch me for Sydney fucking Novak, and you—you..." The words die on her tongue, and she looks so sad, her lips puckered to keep from crying any more. "You kiss her and hug her and—" She swallows, pain etching her features. She curls into herself, hugging a knee to her chest. "What is so wrong with me?"

Stan is in absolute awe. He wants to pull her into his arms and sink into the comforter, kissing her, but he can barely move, his heart racing in his chest. He stutters, looking for the right words. This is it; this is the moment he has been waiting for. The past three years he has dreamed of her baring her heart to him, professing her undeniable love for him, but he can't even speak. He is, for once in his life, completely at a loss for words. Whether from frustration or elation, he doesn't know, but he can feel tears forming in his eyes, nose burning and skin clammy. He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding on to, his heart racing.

He shakily puts his hands to the crook of her neck, holding onto her warm skin like a lifeline. He looks down at her lips; they're tucked into her mouth, teeth biting at them nervously. His thumb traces the bottom lip, easing it out from her teeth. She looks at him with anxious eyes, wide and pleading for him to make a move.

And he does.

He kisses her.

It's not what he expects, really. There isn't any fireworks or chills, and it doesn't leave him gasping for breath. No, in fact, it feels like he's breathing for the first time; it fills him with warmth and security and such relief. And as she holds onto him, her arms wrapped tightly around his middle, he has never felt more at home. He has never felt so content and peaceful.

"Absolutely nothing," he says after they pull apart, resting his forehead against hers. It feels like there has been a weight lifted off his shoulders. He runs his thumb over her cheek, wiping away tear marks from her skin. She sniffles, leaning into his touch. He kisses her nose, a wide smile creeping over his features.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with you."

#this is kind of a mess #im sorry #:/#stanley barber #stanley barber imagine #stanley barber x reader #i am not okay with this #ianowt #ianowt imagine #ellie writes #ellie writes angst #ellie writes fluff #ish

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ghost-in-the-stalls · 3 years

Text

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 6 - For Himself

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety here

A lot of the songs Neil keeps are just for him. Sometimes you need to be in your feelings a bit and music is the only place you're comfortable doing that.

2. Shrike - Hozier

After he initially found Hozier, this boy didn’t listen to anything else for weeks straight if he could help it. Shrike I think is just a song that he loves the sound of. Pretty much the only thing we know in canon about Neil’s music taste is that he doesn’t like loud music. Which is incredibly vague and generalizing. To me, that tells me that Neil maybe is actually someone who tends to pay most attention to and by most effected by the sound of a song than the theme or lyrics or genre or anything. If he doesn’t like the sound, he doesn’t like the song. But a sound that appeals to him? Oh boy, he won’t be able to let it go. Shrike is like that for him. It’s gentle and smooth and I imagine he doesn’t pay too much attention to the lyrics or meaning. He just lets himself get lost in the sound.

11. Best Part - Daniel Caesar & H.E.R.

Not too much to say about this. It’s soft and beautiful and smooth, and I think Neil would greatly appreciate the sound. It’s a bit too soft for him to associate with Andrew, but he doesn’t need the association to enjoy it. Neil listens to it on his morning runs when the sun is only just rising and the world is still moving slowly. But he also listens to it on slower mornings when Andrew convinces him to forgo the morning run in favor of breakfast and coffee on the couch with the cats.

17. Dreams - Fleetwood Mac

Like some others on this list, this is a song that catches Neil wholly for its sound. Like the title, listening to this song feels a little like getting lost in a dream. There's just something very soft about it, and those are the kinds of songs that catches Neil's attention. He likes that he's found something he can get lost in for a time without losing himself.

27. Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright

As incredible of a song this is, the origin of Neil's connection to it isn't anything super emotional. The foxes made him watch Shrek. He became very attached to this song and would listen to it on repeat for weeks afterwards. They all got so sick of it. His aux cord privileges were revoked. Matt doesn't need to start CRYING while he's DRIVING Neil, THANK YOU.

As for his connection to it, a big trend I'm seeing in the stuff that I think Neil listens to is that a lot of it is very emotional. Sad songs, moving melodies, beautiful ballads. I think Neil listens to music to help him feel his emotions - like really feel them. He's so good at compartmentalizing and shoving everything down and away (as per the trauma of running for the better half of his life), I think listening to emotional music - like really listening to it all - as a means of getting in touch with the emotions he's always shoving aside would be a great coping mechanism for him. To that degree songs like this just strike a cord with Neil, even if there isn't any parallel to draw between the lyrics and his own life. A song is a package of emotion that Neil can hear and unpack and process at his own pace while retaining a safe degree of separation.

30. Obstacles - Syd Matters

Not a whole lot to say about this one. Neil finds it somehow - either through one of his foxes or just on his own - and he finds it incredibly calming. He keeps it close. It makes him hopeful even on days when he can't bring himself to look in the mirror. The steady melody and repeating words help him get lost in something other than his own thoughts.

35. Ashes On Your Eyes - Deb Talan

This is one Neil found on his own. It doesn't remind him of any of his foxes, though, or his mother. It's one of the few songs he has just for himself. It serves as a reminder that he's going to be okay. He has a great support system, but sometimes he likes to find comfort in himself just to prove that he can still do it. Songs like this keep him going on those days where he doesn't want to bring his problems to others.

37. Rivers and Roads - The Head and the Heart

This is one Neil gets his hands on in his final year at Palmetto, but it isn't just about Andrew for him (like most of the others from this year). This one is about all his foxes - his family. It's about how lonely he feels even when he has a whole group of people he lives and plays and interacts with on a daily basis. They aren't his people; his people are scattered everywhere. He only learned how to be a real person after he met them. Now he needs to learn to do it on his own. There's a special kind of pain that comes when he thinks of how much he misses each of them.

39. Unsteady - Ambassador X

This song is one Neil thinks of often when he's having bad days. He'll still always end up having some days where he doesn't feel like a real person, and on those days it can be hard to ground himself - to keep from floating away and giving up on everything he's built to run back to being nothing. What helps him most on those days is not being alone. It takes him a long time, though, to learn how to communicate what his needs are on those days. It's pretty lucky that Andrew can read him so well, but during the years when they aren't living together it becomes very hard for Neil to find the words to ask for help. This song helps him with that. The chorus is so short and to-the-point but is still such a bare-bones lay of emotion and need that it centers Neil enough to realize that he doesn't need to explain himself or mince his words when he's asking for help. He just needs to ask.

42. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - Green Day

The downside to having the music taste that Neil does is that sometimes he latches onto something that is apparently a bit cheesy or overplayed, and the foxes gladly tease him for liking it unironically. This is definitely one of those songs. It doesn't matter to him that it was basically everyone's 8th grade graduation song (he didn't get one of those anyway, Matt.) He listens to this and thinks of the passage of time and how hard it's going to be when his foxes are scattered all over the country while he's stuck alone in Palmetto. But they'll be happy, and he'll be happy soon enough after that. They'll all move forward but it doesn't mean they'll lose each other (he has to repeat that to himself on bad nights).

The completely serious way he listens to this song is funny to the foxes at first, but Nicky is the first to break down crying when it stops being funny. He's also the only one to break down crying, but that doesn't mean the others don't get emotional too. ("Jesus, Neil, you got a whole team of collegiate athletes getting emotional over the time-of-your-life song. How much more of a fucking weirdo enigma can you be??" -Andrew at some point probably)

47. Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.

Neil has some pretty intense, pretty specific trauma. Plenty of people in the world have experienced terrible things and it isn't a competition. Neil knows this. However, he's also painfully aware that he's someone who pulled the right numbers in the shit lottery. Sometimes it helps to hear this song.

He knows that maybe his own life experiences were not anything close to what the songwriter had in mind, but it still helps. It helps to remember that he isn't the only person in the world who has terrible days. It even helps to know that people outside of the foxes have bad days. It helps to find a way to feel connected to the larger population of the world. It's a definite new thing for him - feeling like he's allowed to belong in the world - but it's very comforting at times.

54. Lights Up - Harry Styles

((I wish I could remember who made a post once saying this was a very Neil song because that was how I first heard it and I wish I could credit that person. Alas, it was over a year ago when I first read the books and didn't recognize any usernames yet :/ if anyone knows who that is lmk!!))

There are a lot of things Neil doesn't know about himself. There are a lot of things from freshman year and before that he still feels some level of guilt for. But ultimately he doesn't regret a single choice he's made. There are a whole lot of things he's still figuring out about his life. He heard this song and really vibed with the sound and what it was saying. Not much more to say than that. He's found himself in a light that he's happy to stay and figure himself out in.

66. Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles

Mary was a bit of a Beatles fan. There were several of their songs she'd play on their long drives when they weren't being immediately tailed.

This wasn't one of them. She skipped this one, every single time. Neil fully understands why. For all the indulgence she gave herself in the music she listened to, this one seemed to cross a line she couldn't handle.

Now Neil listens to it on morning runs and good days. And he lets himself feel okay.

71. Fall on Me - R.E.M.

Neil's had plenty of people trying to hurt him throughout his life. He's never really gotten help from people he was supposed to get it from. And now he has a whole family of people who have experienced similar abandonment.

Sometimes that pisses him off.

Sometimes he just really wishes the world was a softer place. Andrew would say it's dumb to wish, especially for something like that. And he'd be right. But it doesn't stop Neil from thinking it sometimes.

73. Hat and Feet - Fountains of Wayne

Sometimes you're just beaten down and worn out. Just once in a while, Neil wants to let himself feel this without feeling terrible and lost for it. This song helps with that.

Sometimes you're just a hat and feet, and that's okay.

#aftg #my writing #neil josten #andreil #andrew minyard

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finalcreacher · 4 years

Text

Protection - Sydney Novak x Modern Witch! Reader

A/n - Hey, it's Sid here! :)

Back with a requested one shot from a wonderful person on the IANOWT Amino. They wanted the Reader to be practicing modern witchcraft, which I thought was such a spectacular idea. I have never had this much fun researching for a fan fiction before(the exception being TS,AMM, that's an absolute passion project right there). With that, I hope you enjoy!

T/W - mentions of death/a dead character

Word Count: 1,555

You knew Stanley from school, mainly, and that you had lived only a street or two away from each other our whole lives. You weren't best friends, but it wasn't uncommon for others to see the two of you together. Stanley found you after class one day, claiming that he had something important, and you were required.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I need you to bring all of your witchy stuff for my friend."

"Stanley, I'm not sure what you need this for, but I can't just come up with something right on the spot. I need time to prepare, and I need to know what I'm preparing for."

"Well, I can't quite tell you."

You let out a long, exasperated sigh. "I can't believe you," you mutter, "at least give me something to work off of."

Stanley stays silent for a bit, fiddling with hands, and trying to think. "You see, it's my friend..."

///

Of course, you knew her- everyone knew Sydney Novak. Living in a small town, you know every little thing that happens, including that her dad just died. You knew the best way to deal with grief was time, and you weren't entirely sure what Stanley wanted out of you for today, but you'd try your best.

The two of you concluded that he and Sydney would meet at your house over the weekend. Giving yourself time to prepare, and so you would have all of the materials you would need. The thing is, Stanley wasn't precise in what he needed. He didn't even say it was Sydney at first, but describing her as a friend whos dad just died- well, it would be hard not to know it was her. He said that she was dealing with something dark and confusing, and you hoped Sydney would be less vague.

Not only had the ambiguity of the scenario worked you up, but you were also incredibly nervous. Your experiences with witchcraft had always been very personal, and you hadn't shared it with anyone else before. Save for Stanley, who was perpetually curious and asked too many questions. But you had never performed a spell near or for him, or given him an object- he was merely a spectator.

Stanley enjoyed the idea of witchcraft though, he loved how enthusiastic about it you were, so it wasn't Stanley you were worried about. The thought of sharing this personal thing with someone else, was- simply put- scary. While one person accepted it, another may not. A lot of people, when given the idea of witches and their practices, think it's bullshit- that it's only for fantasy realms, and TV shows, and movies.

It's so much more to you, though. Magick's real, whether people want to believe it or not.

A booming noise comes from the front of the house, harshly knocking you out of your thoughts. You saunter out of the garage(part your room- part spiritual living space) and open the front door- revealing your guests.

"The two of you couldn't knock any louder?" You joked, stepping aside to let the two of them in- you shut the door softly behind them.

Stanley had been in your house a thousand times, so when you closed the door, he had already found himself(and Sydney) in the garage- standing awkwardly inside, waiting for you.

When you're finally able to get a good look at her, there's an overwhelming aura surrounding her- one that even the most simple of us, like Brad on the football team, could sense. You had never felt anything like this. Realizing you'd been staring too long, you shake your head slightly and prepare yourself for a small and suitable hello.

"Oh, sorry- you must be Sydney," You smile, holding your hand out for her. She nods, giving you a short shake.

"Yeah," she trails off, looking from you to Stanley, back and forth, back and forth. "And you are?"

"I'm Y/n."

"Stanley, why'd you bring me here?" She looks at him, confused, and gives him a beady-eyed stare.

"You didn't tell her? God, you're killing me, Stanley!" Your smile is unwavering, but your annoyance with Stanley was only growing. "This dork over here said you've been dealing with a lot of shit lately- thinks I might be able to help." You lower your head a bit, speaking in a low voice, "I'm a witch." You chuckle, letting it sink into her.

"No, no- I can't do this," Sydney replies harshly.

"Would you at least try? It's not harmful- I won't do anything without your word." You lift your head again, giving her a calm, sort of sad, puppy look- the eyes and everything.

She begrudgingly nods, "fine."

I sit crisscross applesauce on the floor, and invite her to join me- she follows suit, plopping herself down in front of me. "Stanley's told me some of what's been ailing you, but I think it will be beneficial if you tell me yourself. I mean- who knows what other sorts of stuff he could be saying."

Stanley looks at you in mock offense, "First off, how dare you," he begins, holding himself from grinning. When you start laughing, though, he can't help to join in, and neither does Sydney.

Once everyone has settled down, you reach your hands out, arms lying against your legs. Sydney does the same but connects her palms down to yours. You could practically feel her energies coursing through your fingers, and you wondered if she sensed it too. "Now," you whisper, "How do you feel?"

She shrugs, "okay, I guess."

"Is," you pause, uncertain of how to go forward. "Is there something dark and unknown following you? Let that be for a person, or a feeling, or something outside our realm."

She still seems hesitant but nods again. You can sense an internal conflict when she moves or speaks, a part of her wanting to tell you something, the other part- terrified.

"You don't have to tell me," you give her a comforting smile.

"Strange things keep happening," she replies. "I'm scared it will hurt someone."

"Yourself included?" She hums in agreement. "Let me see what I can do- I think I have just the thing."

You find yourself looking through a container of various crystals, a different meaning, and property to each one. You pick up one of the pieces and rub your hands along the smooth, black stone- this would be perfect for her, you think. Grabbing a piece of twine, you loop it through a small hole in the crystal, and tie a knot at the top, allowing just enough room for someone to slip it over their head.

"Here, Sydney. This onyx- keep it close to you."

"What will it do?" She hesitantly reaches out for it, and you motion to her to lay the palms flat- which she follows. You place the pendant in her hand, the twine twirling down, and you help to press her fingers closed around it.

"It will help to block the negative energies, whatever is out there, whatever is going on- this will help."

"Will it stop it completely?" Sydney wonders- her eyes appearing to be hopeful.

You hesitantly shake your head, "It won't, not entirely. There's something downright evil following you, but this will keep you safe in the meantime until I can make a more potent protection spell."

"Oh, thank you." The two of us stay silent, and Sydney plays with the onyx, eventually placing it around her neck.

You get up quietly, noticing Stanley picking up a few rare items, and you scold him to stop. You can hear Sydney getting up as well, and laughing softly at our shenanigans. "If you need anything else, you can always come to visit, even if it's just to talk," you smile, your cheeks dusted pink, as you begin to put away all of the materials, gently in each of their spots.

Stanley's already slipped out of the room, probably waiting on the porch or in the living room. Frankly, you hadn't even realized he had left, and he must have said something, it's just your mind was elsewhere. You couldn't quit thinking of Syd. You had never met someone like her.

"Syd?" You call out. You knew she was in the room with you, but she was reticent. "I was wondering, would you want to go out sometime?" You're still turned away from her- no longer putting away anything, but to save you from the embarrassment the oncoming rejection would give.

"I'd like that," You turn around, and she's sitting on your bed, beaming at you- albeit still as red in the face as you were. You chuckled to yourself, finding yourself sitting next to her in a matter of moments. "So," she begins, "How about tomorrow?"

Your heartbeat was rapid and hard, and you wondered if she felt the same warm, bubbling happiness that she made you feel. Even though you had only met today, you knew she was special.

The following day, the two of you had gone out, gotten shakes, and walked around town. Parting when the sun began to fall, and promising to meet up again, and to say we'd see each other during school—and watching Syd hold her onyx pendant close to her as she left for her house.

#I am not okay with this #IANOWT #Sydney novak #Sydney Novak x reader #reader insert #x reader #reader x character #IANOWT Reader #IANOWT Reader Insert #fluff #witchcraft #fanfic #fanfiction #requests open

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lokisrare · 4 years

Text

birdie

pairings: ben hardy x ofc.

word count: 4.6k

a/n: i hate this but i love this, also, spoiler: i hate cassie. i don’t really know what it is, but let me know what you think and if you want to know what happens next lmao. oh, by the way this was heavily inspired by break my heart by dua lipa.

June 6th, 2010.

“Well damn, you look HOT.” I gushed when Sydney walked out of the changing room.

She sent a smile towards me while fixing her hair, it must’ve been freaking hard to get on that dress, I think to myself when I look up and down her body, the dress hugging her body just right, but still, the material looked incredibly uncomfortable and her face just confirmed that to me.

“I feel like someone’s pinching my nipples constantly, like here…, ugh it hitches so bad,” she says trying to fix the top of the dress and I laugh at her struggling to make the dress work.

“Syd, why don’t you try something else, you’re going to look good anyway,” all I receive is a death glare and I just know she’s telling me to fuck off while still trying to find a way to feel comfortable.

She huffs and gets into the changing room, closing the pink curtain a little too aggressively, I suppress a giggle knowing she’s having a hard time and I’d probably end up with my hair pulled if I keep making fun of her. “Everybody Talks” by Neon Trees is playing which makes me roll my eyes annoyed, it had become my young sister’s favorite song so it was on repeat almost every hour of the day, just listening to it gave me a horrid headache.

“Fine, I guess I’ll just go with the first one,” Sydney says finally getting out. I nod, a very genuine and happy smile plastered on my face, it was 6.30 pm and we had left my house at 4, to say I was hungry and tired was an understatement.

“I really hate you, Cass, you know that right?” Sydney says as we finally get to my house, most specifically: my room. I run straight to my bed, my back thanking me for finally having a moment to rest after being walking and standing still for three hours straight. “I don’t really know how you choose so easily; I just can’t decide when it comes to shopping.”

I smile with my eyes closed hearing Syd grabbing the make-up bag as she seats in front of the mirror, “I just go for black, that’s my secret, black’s the right decision. Always.”

“Your whole wardrobe is black, Cassie.” I don’t see her but I can tell she rolled her eyes, annoyed. “You could’ve at least gone for something red this time or maroon or grey.”

I prop on my elbows scanning my open (and messy) closet, well… maybe I owned a lot of black clothes but it is just a glorious color, or not actually a color but who cares, black just rocks and it was easily combined.

“I promise I’ll wear something else next time.”

Sydney looks at me with a sarcastic expression, raising an eyebrow.

“No, you won’t.” Nope, I won’t.

I grab the curling iron next to my night table: “Curls, straight or should I just go natural?” Sydney shrugs looking at me intently, her lips pressed together, after a few seconds she just clicks her tongue and turns around.

“Whatever you feel like doing today, babe, you’ll look pretty anyway,” she pauses. “And Ben will like it anyway.”

“SYDNEY, NO.”

“What?” She says smirking at me through the mirror. “Oh, come on you can’t possibly think I don’t realize, the tension is obvious,” she smiles satisfied at my petrified expression. “Besides he’s a Capricorn, Capricorn and Scorpios have AMAZING SEX.”

“SYDNEY” I shout throwing a heart shaped pillow at her while she laughs uncontrollably, “He’s my brother’s friend, your step brother and almost 3 years older.”

“Your brother does not care at all, I don’t either and you didn’t say nothing about the sex thing so you little bastards have been really sneaky about it but I’m the devil and I found a condom on the bathroom trash the other day,” I set a mental reminder to slap Ben when I see him tonight, “It wasn’t mine so it was either from my parents or from Ben. And your face just told me it was from Ben,” she stops and then wrinkles her nose, “Ugh, disgusting. Let’s move on from this topic, please.”

“You started it.”

“I thought he was fooling around with Candace, she’s been after him the whole year, it looks like she knows he’s leaving soon. Besides I heard the rumor they slept together, I’m sure she started it.”

“Yeah, I think she knows, that’s why she’s been so clingy.” I cringe thinking of it. “Well if it’s true then her wish finally came true.”

The disgusted tone in my voice making me feel kind of angry at myself, just as much as the thought of Ben fooling around with Candace and I know Sydney can tell. I wasn’t very surprised when I first found out she’d been trying to get his attention the whole year, her obsession with Ben wasn’t new and she seemed a little too desperate, but she wasn’t a bad person, maybe too much of a bimbo girl but still, a nice person and Ben had always found a way to avoid her.

When Malik came up to me with rumor it made my stomach turn, giving the fact that two weeks ago he had me pinned against a wall at some random party while we had a (very steamy) make out session hoping my brother wouldn’t find us. Fucking. Ben.

“I don’t think that’s true at all, I totally think she spread the rumor herself with some friend’s help.” I sighed at Sydney insistence, “besides the whole situation is so weird, he is constantly running away from her and just one day they, like, fuck? Uh-uh, that just not makes sense, maybe she’s blackmailing him.” I laugh at her occurrence. Only Sydney, of course. “I truly hope my theory is not true, that’d be, like, pyscho behavior.”

“Yeah, but still, it might be true, we don’t know” I say getting up and throwing the curling iron on top of my bed. Curls it is, I think. “I believe there’s pizza on the fridge, is that ok for you or what do you want?”

Sydney thinks for a few seconds, “yeah, pizza’s fine, I’ll just eat a tiny bit though because I want to get really wasted really fast today and that’s way easier if I have an empty stomach.”

“You’re going to die.”

“Oh well, but it’s not going to hurt if my drunk as hell.”

“Touché.”

The dress hugged my curves just fine but I still felt like I was trying very hard to convince myself I really liked the way I looked with this way too short dress and I hadn’t just bought it because I knew it would catch Ben’s attention; I was upset knowing I was just about to leave my house wearing something just not-me at all to impress a stupid boy.

He’s not stupid and you know it.

“You look gorgeous, breathtaking and completely uncomfortable.” I turned around, Syd was standing leaning against the door frame looking effortlessly beautiful, her blonde hair straight and the loose baby pink dress making her look absolutely angelic.

“I am terribly uncomfortable, and I hate the fact the I’m about to take it off because it costed me good money I could’ve used to buy something I actually liked.” I said raising my voice, feeling angry at myself again, for the same reason, “I hate myself sometimes.”

Sydney giggles as she looked through my closet, smiling triumphantly when she found what she was looking for: a short black skirt and a grey blouse.

“I love this outfit on you, please change, you’re radiating so much negativity wearing that outfit besides the look on your face makes it seems like it’s causing you actual pain to be wearing this.” She stated and then lowered her eyes to my feet, “Oh god, Cassie, take those heels off, those are not even your favorite ones, put on your white vans, do yourself a favor, please.” I groaned as I got up feeling defeated and absolutely ridiculous to say the least.

Once I was changed, I felt my confidence coming back again, I looked pretty and I looked like me, Sydney got up from the bed clapping happily.

“Yay! That’s my Cassie, you look gorgeous!” she grabbed my hand dragging me downstairs way too fast and excitedly, making my chest crash against her back when she stopped abruptly at the end of the stair, turning around violently, “It’s not like you didn’t look gorgeous before, it’s just… now you look gorgeous and your face doesn’t look like you’re in the middle of a funeral.” I scoffed punching her arm but a giggle escaped my mouth making both of us laugh, right before we saw the taxi parking outside.

“Ok, let’s do it giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl.” I opened the door as Syd put two little vodka bottles inside of her little purse. “All done, and just to re-clarify, you look amazing and Ben’s going to love how you look, you really don’t need to try so hard, he already likes you.”

“Oh my God, STOP, let’s go Syd.” I said pushing her outside the house.

“Just saying.”

The house was packed, way too packed for a place so small, the air was filled with smoke from the cigarettes and the smoke machine placed on top of an old couch. I looked around trying to find my friends or at least my brother.

You’re looking for him.

I rolled my eyes annoyed at myself, once again. I wasn’t looking for him, or maybe a little, but it’s not like I was desperate. Or too desperate.

“My niñas, over here mis amores!” A curly haired boy calls from inside the little kitchen. Lucas. He had two girls clung to his sides, fighting for his attention, I smirk looking at him as he excuses himself with the girls and start making his way towards us. Poor girls, if they only knew.

“Ugh, I’m already hating this place and I’ve been here for just 20 minutes.” He states right after kissing Syd and I’s both cheeks.

Sydney takes the vodka bottles out of her purse making Lucas smile widely as he puts his hand on his chest. Oh my god. I already knew I was going to be tonight’s babysitter.

“Yas! You are my Blondie Number One angel, Syd.” Lucas grabbed her cheeks pecking her on the lips, looking behind them I saw the two girls from earlier, both with annoyed looks as they turned around to leave the place, Lucas hand grabbed my arm, catching my attention, “Why so distracted? Looking for Blondie Number Two?” He asked raising his eyebrows repeatedly. “He got in here right before you guys but since Candace the Crazy was looking for him since she got here, he completely disappeared.” He said looking around, his arms resting on Sydney’s shoulders, “Nope, Blondie Number Two’s not around. To be honest I’m kind of worried Candace is blackmailing him.” he stated clicking his tongue.

Sydney let out a very exaggerated high pitched scream, “I thought THE SAME and Cassie won’t believe it.”

“Guys, both of you are insane, completely insane, let the poor girl live.”

Hypocrite.

“Oh c’mon, two weeks ago you were ready to sneak into Daisy Clinton’s room to do the nasty with Benny-Boy for like the 100th time now you just don’t care? I don’t buy it baby, no no, not when you came in here looking like a lost puppy.” I opened my mouth ready to say something but Lucas spoke first also interrupting Sydney whom was about to complain since she was the last person to find out or to figure it out, actually, “And don’t tell me you were looking for your brother. I. Know. You. Cassidy. Peters.”

I just shrugged trying to not show him how fucking right he was, and also trying not to accept to myself I’ve been looking for him the entire time we stood in the middle of the tiny kitchen. Sydney gave me the finger and then made her way towards the improvised dance floor carrying Lucas with her.

Now I was seated on the corner of the living room watching Logan Lawrence, our school’s quarter back make out with one of the shyest girls from our school. Poor girl. She’s so going to regret it tomorrow… and forever probably. Logan was just that disgusting. I kept looking around when I started cursing at myself, I’ve been sitting here for almost half on hour looking at Sydney and Lucas get wasted just because I was trying to find the boy I was desperately craving for and he was nowhere to be seen, which was bad, but I had seen Candace dance around looking absolutely drunk, which was good, but it also meant Ben could be with any other girl, which was bad. Really bad. For me, of course.

My phone buzzed, three messages from Jonas, also known as my brother.

Jo: bring me a whisky pleeeeeeeease

Jo: no one will realize, I’m on the roof with the boys

Jo: please cass, be a good sis

I huffed but still got up ready to do what he asked me to, I mean, it’s not like I was doing anything better. I grabbed the bottle of whisky and a very drunk boy stared at me, I was ready for him to say something but he just smiled and gave me the thumbs up, I laughed a little and waved him goodbye as I made my way upstairs.

How the fuck do I get to the roof?

Cass: how do I get there?

Jo: first floor, the room with the green door at the right, take the stairs

Jo: be fast, there’s like a lot of people getting at it

Well fuck. Once I got to the first floor the green door was the first one I saw, an AC/DC poster on it, I breathed in and opened it, trying to get used to the dark looking where the hell was the supposed way to the roof; not giving a single fuck I opened the door again learning a lot of lovely words from the people hiding in there, I was about to say something to them when I saw the hole on the corner of the bedroom’s ceiling and the wooden escalator right under it. Of course.

The relieve my ears felt when I reached the roof was glorious, I took a few second to enjoy the feeling when I felt a hand on my shoulders, grabbing harder the whisky bottle ready to snap at whatever drunk boy who was trying to annoy my little moment of peace I turned around but I was met with Blondie Number Two, or just Ben.

“Easy, Cassie.” He laughed grabbing the bottle from my hand and lending it to my brother who was right behind him with a knowing smirk, I sent him a death glare.

“Hi, Cass, having fun?” He said slurring his words, oh my God, obviously Jonas Peters was a lightweight and now I had just brought him a big ass bottle of whisky for him to keep getting drunk.

I looked to him and then to Ben who stood way too close for my liking, I was able to smell his perfume. My mind travelling back to Daisy’s room when I was pressed against a wall, his hands roaming trough my whole body while I left love bites all over his neck, getting drunk on his scent.

Stop it. Answer the question.

“Absolutely not.” Jonas pretended to cry and then blew a kiss towards me as he left to join his others friends, they were just as drunk as him, or even worst. Ben cleared his throat making me look his way taking in his appearance, black shirt, black jeans, black shoes, so good looking. Maybe that’s what I liked him so much, it seemed his closet was also full of black clothes.

He was effortlessly beautiful.

“Well, thank you. “He said, a smug expression plastered on his face just as the color drained from mine. WHY?

I sighed, putting on my best annoyed look trying desperately to make it seem I didn’t care at all. Liar. “Don’t flatter yourself, I did it on purpose.” He nodded, the little smirk still lingering on his face as he stepped closer to me, hooking his arm around my shoulder.

“Yeah, sure, Birdie.” I groaned at the nickname and Ben threw his head back laughing at my annoyance.

“Don’t call me that, Ben. I don’t go around calling you Blondie Number Two.” I tried to let loose from his arms but he just held my tighter, starting to walk and dragging me along with him to sit closer to the edge against a wall, the big tree in front of the house blocking the street lights making it hard to see clearly; once we both were sitting I was finally able to get off of his embrace, looking down trying to ignore the fact that Ben was so close to me, and we were alone in the –almost- dark.

“But I always call you like that, you should be used to it by now… Birdie” He said right after getting comfortable on the floor. I huffed. No. I would never get used to it because I felt embarrassed and angry, angry at myself (as always, of course) for being so obsessed with him since forever.

I saw him light a cigarette from the corner of my eye, before turning back his attention to me, blowing out the smoke, “it fits you, you’re so… free, I don’t know, so you,” I looked at him attentively, lost in the way he chewed on his bottom lip while he tried to find the words, “I mean…, ugh, you know what, nothing. It just fits you because you’re beautiful and birds are also beautiful and interesting and also fucking smart”

I really didn’t know how I managed to not throw myself to him right there. To everyone, Ben Jones was this incredibly confident good looking college boy every girl wanted but to me he was just Blondie Number Two: Ben Jones, the boy whom just had compared me to birds because I, apparently, am: pretty, interesting and intelligent and now just stared at his cigarette nervously waiting for my response.

He was trying to be romantic, cute or whatever about the nickname but we both knew really well why he called me that.

“You’re and idiot, Ben.” I punched his arm lightly, “you could’ve jus explained it that way ten years ago when you started calling me that. Seven-year-old Cassie would’ve have been happy with it.”

He shrugged, “I figured you hated me.”

“I threw myself from a homemade zip line to impress you, I surely did not hate you.” Ben choked on the cigarette smoke looking at me with a funny expression, “I just never talked to you because Jonas wouldn’t let me, it wasn’t cool if his little sister tried to be friends with his friends.”

“The whole zip line thing was just to impress me?” I nodded, “well fuck, Cass, I appreciate it, you almost broke a bone back then.”

“Good to know you do now, finally.”

He finished the cigarette, throwing the filter somewhere and got closer grabbing my legs and placing them on top of his, I felt drowned to sit completely on his lap but held back that need while looking intently into his eyes trying to figure what he wanted, his left hand travelled to my lower back as he stared at my lips, my breathing slowly becoming erratic I just wanted him to do something.

“W-what are you doing, Benjamin?” He smirked, his hand resting on my back pushing me up so now I was fully sitting on his lap, his right hand caressing my thigh making me look up and down, from where his hands were drawing circles on my leg and then back to his plumped lips.

“I’m just trying to show you some gratitude after all these years of you trying so hard to get my attention, Birdie” He said, his voice coming out really low making my insides tingle and my cheeks burn, thank God for all this darkness surrounding us.

“Can I kiss you?” I felt so desperate, our lips gracing as his hands kept caressing my thigh not letting me focus on his question completely.

“Why are you even asking?”

“Just being a gentleman.” He said gripping my waist harder, a whimper coming out of me provoking a smug smirk to creep on his face.

“Oh, shut up.”

I grabbed his face finally kissing him, smirking against his lips when Ben let out a throaty moan breaking the kiss for a few seconds but kissing me back hungrily as I fully straddled him, his hands going automatically to my hips gripping harder when I bit on his bottom lip, licking it with my tongue. Ben captured my lips with his again, I was so high lost in the moment as our lips moved in complete sync I wanted to stay like this forever. He pecked my lips before resting his head on the wall behind him while both of us tried to control our breathing.

“I fucking want you, Birdie.” He said getting closer to my face to peck my lips one more time, “but we are not doing this here, not with your brother and our drunk as hell friends just a few meters away.”

I groaned remembering the fact that I was in a roof and also in the middle of a party and as much I was wanted him, he was right.

“We can go to my house, my parents are gone for the weekend and they took Layla with them,” Ben’s eyes shot open, his right hand brushing the locks of hair falling on my face as he smiled satisfied, “besides Jonas is staying at Will’s today.”

“Then let’s fucking go.”

He grabbed my waist and got up with me still on top of him, I laughed against his shoulder as he settled me back on the floor and took my hand to guide us out of the roof. He walked towards the group of boys, two of them were already passed out on the floor while Jonas and Will vibed to Pursuit of Happiness, the bottle of whisky was empty.

“You two. We are leaving, don’t drive, walk or just take a cab.” Ben said, his voice firm as the two other boys glanced at each other and then started laughing.

“Yes, father!” Will saluted and I couldn’t help let out a laugh. Ben gripped my hand tighter and I looked at him, he was trying to suppress a laugh too.

“I’m serious, Will. Be safe.” Will just nodded as he laid on his back again.

“And I’m serious, Benjamin Jones.” Jonas said stepping into the conversation. If he was slurring words earlier now he was just a mess, I rolled my eyes at the drunk ass of a brother I had, “Don’t make me an uncle,” my mouth opened to say something but the words weren’t coming out, “at least not on my bed or on the couch, if you please, now leave, my children.” And that’s all he said before passing out on top of Will legs. Ben looked at my horrified and I just stood there.

“Does he know?” I asked right after he took my hand to lead us toward the hole on the floor.

“I mean it’s not like were not pretty obvious. You keep looking at me completely stunned every time.”

I scoffed. “Like you don’t do the same.”

“Never said I didn’t.” He winked at me and then started to go down the wooden stair.

Once we closed the green door after another round of cursing from the people inside the room, Ben asked me to wait for him as he went to the bathroom and just then, during my time alone I realized I left and never told Syd or Lucas, and I had been gone for -maybe- longer than thirty minutes and then so suddenly the name Candace came back to my mind; turning towards Ben who was coming out of the bathroom fixing his hair, I got to him and he looked down at me confused but smiling.

“What?”

“Are you and Candace a thing and I’m just being that girl?” I was fuming, not really because I was being that girl but because of the fact that I hated the thought of him with someone else.

Is not like he wasn’t aloud, we’re nothing.

Ouch.

Ben rolled his eyes looking, to my surprise, annoyed. “That fucking girl. I was just being nice to her for once and now she goes around spreading bullshit. NO, Birdie, there’s nothing happening with Candace. That’s why we were on the roof, I was avoiding her, she’s a pain in the ass. In my ass.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” He said closing the distance between us and kissing me softly, this time was way different than before, and I was loving every second of it, “why can’t you see you’re the one I want, Birdie?” he said against my lips and I felt my legs trembling at his honesty.

“We should go.”

Why didn’t I say something back? Why didn’t I say I wanted him too? Because I did, I knew that. I was stupid. Well no, actually. I was afraid and I knew it deep down, back then, I just didn’t want to come to terms with it. I was afraid of getting too attached to him that when we had to take different paths it was going to hurt so much. That’s why I never said nothing.

After some promises from Syd and Lucas to find my brother and Will and take a cab the four of them together we left the house holding hands, my house was maybe ten blocks away, a little less maybe so we decided to walk, enjoying each other’s presence, none of us saying nothing. I felt Ben’s gaze from time to time but I was too submerged on my own thoughts, drowning in them and hating to be feeling that way when I should’ve been enjoying our little moment.

Both of us knew it probably was the last time we’d see each other but none of us said anything, or I didn’t say anything, Ben had made it clear a few minutes ago. And I wanted him, but I also didn’t want to hold him back and that’s exactly why what I really think and felt was never said.

And after ten years it still haunted me.

Now the same horrible feeling growing on my chest, I was feeling as nauseous as I felt back then when I said goodbye to him knowing I was escaping from what I really wanted out of fear, because I was a coward but I was also seventeen and experiencing a feeling so hard it numbed my thoughts.

Now I stood in the middle of the room, the glass of wine long forgotten on my hands as Sydney’s hand gripped on my arm sympathetically and I felt thankful because otherwise when I saw him entering the place, looking exactly the same just more mature; his cheeky behavior that made everybody love him still present, I felt so out of place, my knees shaking a little, or maybe it was just my imagination.

8 years after.

“Blondie Number Two has ARRIVED!” I heard Lucas yell in the distance.

And I just had to get out of here. Fast. The world was literally spinning around me as I looked at everyone greeting Ben with a hug, the ones who didn’t know him just stared at the scene smiling.

“Cass, we can leave, there’s no need for you to be doing this now. It’s fine.” Sydney whispered.

“No. I’m ok, this doesn’t affect me, not really.” I shrugged and she just stared at me not saying anything but her expression showed concern and tiredness towards this whole situation. “It’s just, it’s been so long and I’m just shocked. That’s all.”

Sydney opened her mouth to protest but closed it immediately looking behind me, right then, almost instantly, a very well known cologne filled my nose before I could ask her what was going on.

Oh crap.

And there he stood, in all his glory. Just as handsome, his confident aura captivating everyone around us, just like always. I extended my hand to him provoking Ben to just smile and roll his eyes taking my hand just to tug me into his arms, hugging me sweetly as my face was stamped against his chest, not reacting.

Do something. I mentally shouted at my self.

My hands travelled to his sides, finally embracing him. This felt nice, I thought. It felt familiar; way too familiar for two people who hadn’t seen each other for so long.

Ben moved his head, lowering it so now his mouth was right next to my ear, sending a shiver trought my whole body, the action being too intimate for the place we were in.

“Long time no see.” He whispered really low for me to hear it properly thanks to the music playing in the background, but still managing to knock the air out me when he got even closer and simply said: “I’ve missed you… Birdie.”

Now I really wanted to leave. Again.

#ben hardy #ben jones #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy smut #bohrap #borhap imagine #borhap x reader #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader

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bedbellyandbeyond · 4 years

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Preparation

“I… I don't think I’m ready,” Nathan said, shakily. “It's too soon, isn't it?” “No, the dragon knows best,” Nari assured. “It's really no big deal. You're so lucky too, with these new surgeries and things. You won't know the pain of true birth. Be glad you don't have a vagina.” It was the Saturday before Nathan's scheduled caesarean. Aoife had come to his room the day before like Syd had promised and went over planning with him. The problem was he didn't know what he wanted for the C-section. He didn't know if he wanted to be awake or not. He didn’t know if he wanted music to play or if he wanted to be the first sound his babies heard. Most of all, he didn’t know who he wanted to be there with him.

“I don't want to be alone,” Nathan said. “…Do you want to be there?” “Uh…” Nari paused. “To be honest… Just have Dax there. I'm sure he'll love it.” “I don't know, don't you think that's too much too fast?” Nathan asked. “We only just…like… We don't even know what we are yet.” “You spend too much time on these little things. Your life is too short to worry about that,” Nari explained. “Just tell him to be there and he will be there. You know you want him to be there, so tell him to be there.” “But it's Monday. He'll have class on Monday,” Nathan said. Nari was getting ticked. “I have class on Monday but you asked me.” “Yeah…” “Hang up and call him.” “Okay, okay. Thanks, Nari.” “I'm hanging up.” “Okay, bye.” Nathan heard the tone and hung up his phone. He sighed and tried to gather himself to call Dax but he was a little too anxious about it and decided to just text him. ‘Hey. Are you free to talk?’ He figured it gave him time before Dax would respond, so he started looking over some of the notes he took when Aoife talked to him. If he chose to stay awake, he had the option to pick music to play. He wondered if he wanted that. But then that meant he'd need to pick a play list and he couldn't figure out if he would be expected to pick music he liked or maybe classical music for the babies, or what and he figured it was too much to decide on. No music probably. His phone buzzed. ‘For sure. Did you want me to come over?’ Nathan's heart fluttered a bit thinking about it, but it wasn't what he expected. ‘I meant more for like a phone call.’ The next reply came shortly after. ‘Well are you busy right now?’ Nathan licked his lip in thought before answering. ‘Not really.’ ‘Then can I come by? I want to give you something anyway.’ Nathan was nervous to see Dax again so soon. Sure, they'd kissed, but after that, Nathan had been really embarrassed and asked for time to think. But he didn’t really have a good reason for Dax not to come over. He might as well. ‘Okay, sure. If you don't mind.’ 'Great! I'm out with the car so I can be there in 15’ ‘Are you driving rn?’ ‘Nono I’m in a store, no worries’ ‘OK Cool. See you soon.’ It took Dax little more than ten minutes to get there. By then, Nathan had just managed to make tea for them both, but he was still very nervous. “Allo, comment ça va?” Dax greeted when he got there. He had with him a small gift wrapped present. Nathan rubbed his neck. “You didn’t have to get me anything…” “It's not a big deal. Easy to make,” Dax said. Nathan took the gift and opened it. Inside was USB key. “A flashcard?” “Yes. On it are some lullabies and music I got from my tribe,” Dax said. “Since I didn’t get the chance to grow up around that side of my family, I used some of this music to get to know them a little better. There's some Quebecois music as well.” Nathan smiled and held the key in his hand. “…That's actually really sweet. Thank you Dax.” “So you like it?” “Yeah, of course.” “Aw, great, cause I lied. It wasn't that easy to put together,” Dax admitted. “I had it all on CDs so I had to rip them, but my computer doesn't have a disc drive so I had to use Nari's, and—” “Dax, I'm having my c-section on Monday,” Nathan said. Dax blinked. “Monday? This Monday? I thought—” “The doc says the wolf is ready to give birth any day now so they moved it up,” Nathan explained. “But I don't think I'm ready…” Dax took Nathan's shoulder. “You are ready. It's going to go well. The twins will be here. It'll be…” Dax looked at his phone. “December 7th. That's not a terrible birthday. It's further away from Christmas than it would've been. If you celebrate it.” Nathan nodded slowly but didn’t say anything. He felt like he was going to cry, but he was trying very hard to hold it in. Dax tilted his head and looked into Nathan's face. “…This might be a bit bold… but, would you want me to be there?” Nathan nodded again, quicker. “Yes… Please, if you can.” “Yes, of course I can.” Dax kissed Nathan's forehead. “Don't worry. I'll call the principal today.” “Thank you…” Nathan hugged him. “Nari said I should ask you, but I didn't think you could…” “Non, don't worry. I'll be there,” Dax said, holding him and rubbing his back. “Just tell me what you need me to do.” “I'm really scared. I don't think I want to be awake, but I also don't want the twins to be alone when they're born,” Nathan said. “If anything goes wrong, even if it's small, I want you to be there with them.” “I will,” Dax assured him. “You don't need to worry.” “What worries me though is that the doc said the wolf’s ready, so what if she goes into labour before Monday?” Nathan said. “It’s Syd who talked to you, right?” Dax said soliciting a nod from Nathan. “I have a feeling you can trust their timing.” “But still, no one knows enough about this,” Nathan said. “Nari seems to be the only one who knows the most about my condition, but even he doesn’t know anything about werewolf children or births or anything.” “You’re here though, aren’t you?” Dax said. “If anything happens, there’s guards here all night. They’d alert the medical ward.” “You’re right, you’re right…” Nathan ground his teeth nervously. “If you really want…” Dax offered. “I could stay overnight…” Nathan jerked his head up. “Overnight?” “I’m not suggesting anything, you know, indecent,” Dax said. “But remember, you stayed in my apartment that night. I can handle it.” “No, Dax, that was different,” Nathan said, pulling out of the hug. “I was injured. The wolf is calmer when she’s injured. You wouldn’t be safe.” “I don’t think that’s true,” Dax said. “You’re very gentle and so is the wolf.” “I’m not risking it,” Nathan said. “The whole reason I’m here in the first place is because I hurt someone I cared about. I don’t want to ever do that again.” “Is the doctor here today?” “Yes, but—” “Then I will ask them. I bet you it’s very safe,” Dax insisted. “I’ll be right back.” “There’s no point. I’m not putting you in harm’s way.” “You want me to be there, though, don’t you?” Dax asked, heading to the door. “There’s no harm in asking.” Nathan rubbed his arm. “Dax, please…” “I’ll be right back.” Dax left. Nathan frowned and sat back down on his bed. He still had the USB key in his hand so he pulled out his laptop and plugged it in. He needed to calm down and what better for that then music? The first track on the list was a song with slow heart like drumbeats and a throaty voice. Nathan figured it was the Ojibwe music Dax was talking about. It was rather soothing. The next few songs were similar, and Nathan felt a lot less tense as he waited for Dax to get back. The twins were becoming active, which always gave Nathan a feeling of unease, but he figured it was good to know they were healthy. Dax came back with Sydryn at his side. The doctor scanned around the room as they entered. “Hm, no, this won't do…” “Hey, doc,” Nathan said, nervously as he set his laptop aside. “Listen, I told Dax this was a bad idea…” “No, there just isn't space,” Syd stated. “Ideally, Mr. Olivier is to sleep here, you'd need better accommodations. Not to mention, when the twins arrive, you'll need better space. There's no use moving you now though...” “What?” Nathan frowned. “You're not serious.” “I couldn't be more serious,” Sydryn stated. “After the twins are born, we'll move you to a family suite. It would only make sense.” “That sounds great, but I mean, there's no way Dax can stay overnight,” Nathan said. “It's alright. If we just bring in an extra bed to extend it width wise... Or separately if that's your preference...” “Doc, that's not the problem!” Nathan said. “It would be too dangerous.” “Are you afraid of him?” Sydryn asked. “Of course not! He should be afraid of me though.” “I think you're overestimating yourself.” “I mean the wolf.” “Nathan, Dr Gardi has kept very detailed observations of the wolf's behaviour after dark. It's likely part of the reason he's ill right now, having not slept in weeks… But regardless, the wolf isn't of any threat unless hungry. You're regularly well fed here.” “But you can't be sure something won't happen...” “If something were to happen, you're already here,” Sydryn explained. “And the likelihood of an incident is very low. Having Dax here for the night is likely to do you more good than bad. But if you don't want him here, obviously no one's going to force you.” Nathan looked between Dax and Syd, then rubbed his knees. “...This is all happening so fast...” “No one can argue that,” Sydryn agreed. “Your lives are very short however. If you're worried about your relationship, I already told you you're both very attracted to each other. Your personalities are compatible and you're both educators so you can trust each other when handling offspring. If it's the twins you're worried about, honestly it is a risk and we're working with the unknown here, but I don't think anywhere else in the world has more ideal conditions for this birth to occur. You're in the safest hands we can provide, and I'm not saying that to inflate my own ego. This facility is incredible for what it does for people like us.” Nathan nodded slowly, though it felt like he'd been told this over and over again. He looked at Dax who smiled and reached out to take his hand. “You're sure it's safe for Dax to stay here with me?” Sydryn smiled. “Yes. And I think you'll appreciate the comfort.” “Okay... Set us up.”

#lore #Nathan #Dax #Sydryn #Nari #werewolf #thunderbird #dragon #vampire #mpreg #mpreg belly

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mashitandsmashit · 4 years

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America’s Got Talent: Season 15 - Online Auditions

Alright, let's talk about the online auditions...And I don't just mean the ones they actually showed in full on the show last week, I mean all of the ones that were available to watch before the season even began! You can find all the videos here (you can't miss them): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsNUxRA5hGXEAZI3Mk_D3JQ/videos

So let's get right to it, shall we...?

10: Erin McCarthy. I'm sure Terry got flashbacks to his Old Spice days (I know it was the other guy, but still...) I guess the horse was a pretty amusing touch, but this lady's so pitchy that I was getting a migraine! All that said, this was a HELL of a way to close out the auditions...

9: Chris & Syd. Well, the guy's a nice singer, and the dog...is good at howling...Otherwise, this is a silly gimmick, and won't likely make it past the Judge Cuts next week...That said, if they do, they're gonna be a real threat in this game, bringing in votes from both the Heartland and dog lovers...

8: Tommy Socks. It's funny how they showed this right after the dude juggling flaming axes and a chainsaw...and yet THIS is the most dangerous-looking act I've seen in these online auditions! Usually, a man his age shuffling around on a hard-tile floor in his socks is a LifeCall waiting to happen! And yet he not only remained on his socked feet, but proved to be very spry on them for his age! This act is a silly gimmick, and he won't make it past the next round, but he still has my respect!

7: Max Major. OH MY GOD! THE FINGER TRICK WORKED ON ME TOO! HOW DID HE DO THAT!? IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN SIMPLE PHYSICS, HE MUST BE A WIZARD! ...Or a demon, like Simon said...But seriously, this was nothing amazing...I guess the fact that he was able to do this through video chat was impressive enough, although I did just read a comment about an “invisible deck”, which does make it less impressive...Still, I'm curious enough to see what he can do on a live stage...

6: Lauren O'Brien. Impressionists are always fun, even if the novelty of them tends to wear out pretty quickly from round to round...But I enjoyed her, and her impression of Sofia is all the more amusing now that I've gotten to know her more throughout the auditions. (Silly accent aside, she is growing on me as a judge...)

5: Darius. I guess he won't give his last name...(Rucker?) Very likable personality, good song choice, and a very nice singing voice! I wouldn't quite call him my favorite singer of the season, but this was a nice audition...It's actually kind of a shame that we won't likely see him again...At least this season...But if nothing else, maybe I'll actually get a little respect for my miserable time working retail (even though I quit that job months before COVID even broke out...)

4: Alexis & The Puppy Pals. Well, she's not quite at Alexa Lauenburger's level yet, but she's on her way! None of the tricks were anything I haven't seen before, but they were very impressive considering the age of the trainer...How interesting that some of the best dog trainers to come on this show are little girls! All that said...The 80s called, they want their wardrobe back!

3: Aaron...Bonk? (Sorry, I can't see his name spelled out anywhere, only hear Terry pronounce it.) Silly little diagonal mohawk aside, I'm always a sucker for rebellious-looking people juggling chainsaws and flaming weaponry! I'd love to see him do this act on a stage, but since they didn't even show him in last week's quick compilation of online acts, we're probably not even going to see him again...Again, at least until he tries auditioning again for one of the coming years...

2: The Hurd Family. Clearly, the dad and the eldest son are the real talent, while the two younger siblings are just there to cute it up a bit...Some very strong dancing, but sadly they probably won't make it past Judge Cuts since they were given the montage treatment in the official episode...

1: Simon's pajamas. A brilliant spectacle! BRRRRAVO!

This was a fun little collection of talent, and the home-recorded nature of everything kinda added to the charm...The judges were also more entertaining while just casually kicking back at their houses...Like with “Saturday Night Live”, I hope it doesn't have to continue like this, but for now, it was different and enjoyable...(Unfortunately, the Judge Cuts will be more of the same, so I really do wonder how they're gonna handle the remainder of this season...)

Probably the only acts from this who will pass the Judge Cuts next week are Alexis and MAYBE Max (if he can pull off a good enough trick). Everyone else were either silly gimmicks who don't even have the quality of so-bad-it's-good, or weren't shown in full for the official episode last week...

But we'll just see...For now, let's move on to tonight's “Best Of” show...Here are the auditions they compiled for this episode...

1: W.A.F.F.L.E. Crew

2: Double Dragon

3: Brandon Leake

4: Brett Loudermilk

5: Cristina Rae

6: The Spyros Bros

7: Voices of Our City Choir

8: Alan Silva

9: Roberta Battaglia

10: Vincent Marcus

11: Archie Williams

The reason why I listed these acts is because all of them are most likely in the live shows already (not counting the Golden Buzzer acts that we KNOW are already there). The “Best Of” shows tend to be made up of acts that the judges and/or producers liked the most, and by the time they air, the live performers have already been selected weeks or even months ago...So you know they must have liked them enough if they're in this compilation...

Can't say I'm surprised by any of these choices...except maybe Double Dragon; They were a little under my radar...I mean, if it were up to me, this compilation would have included Malik DOPE, Noah Epps, Nolan Neal, Winston, Brothers Gage, Wesley Williams and Sheldon Riley...But Waffle and Spyros are probably my two favorite auditions this season overall, so whatever...

I guess these were pretty good auditions overall...A few boring episodes here and there, but there was still a handful of memorable acts...I'd LIKE to think they'll all make it next week, but we'll just wait and see...The format's going to make things VERY difficult, and we might not even see some of them compete again...

Even the Golden Buzzer choices had some decent variety for once! Only two of them were solo singers (one child, and one adult), and for the other spots we have a choir, a poet and a dance group...Waffle's still the only act that really excites me, but it's refreshing when it's not just four singers and a dance act...Plus, from a cynical business standpoint, the choices all make perfect sense...

As for which of them will win this season...Well, it's a VERY tough call...I'm still rooting for Waffle, and they DO have the right aspects to help them out...But so far, they're not quite raking in the same enthusiasm that other winners have...

Roberta has the most views BY FAR on Youtube...But does she really have the uniqueness or overwhelming hype that previous winners had? While I like her overall, I REALLY don't want her to win this season, because NOTHING about her is distinguishable compared to all previous winners...MAYBE the quality of her singing voice compared to other child singers, but even that is a tough comparison...

Otherwise, we've had child singers with much more unique gimmicks win in the past, she's not writing her own songs (yet), she doesn't have a unique genre...Hell, even in terms of which judge's Golden Buzzer she is, it's hard to root for her; It's only Sofia's first season, and she's basically filling in for Gab Union (whose GB won last season), who in turn filled in for Mel B (whose GB won two seasons before that). Come to think of it, aside from Howie's GB the season before THAT, the only judge who has SEEN their GB win each year was the female minority judge (seeing that NONE of the GB's won in Season 13...though it was probably MEANT to be Howie's again...)

Point being, if there's any season where Simon's GB is to win, it should be the one where he selects an act that has potential to be one of my favorites...I guess it wouldn't hurt to give Heidi a year either...Or hell, more seasons where the winner ISN'T a Golden Buzzer...(You never know...It could be Archie...)

Anyway, that's all I got for now...See you next week when we find out which lucky acts get to perform live...Or...well...as live as they can make it...(God, PLEASE don't make this our “new normal”!)

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callunavulgari · 4 years

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Year-In-Life | 2019

Or that annual New Year’s meme about yours truly.

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before? Had abdominal surgery! I spent most of April either doped up or unconscious. Long story short, I had an ovarian cyst that they thought was twice as big as my fist. So they fast-tracked me to surgery, and discovered that while I did have an ovarian cyst that was pretty large, most of the issue was that my bowel had fused to my uterine wall. Or was it abdominal wall? Either way, my bowel was glued to where it shouldn’t be and very angry because it had a fairly large pre-cancerous polyp in it. Which I found out a week after the abdominal surgery, when I had to have a colonoscopy. Which leads me to...

Had to do three different bowel preps in less than a month! It’s really not fun, guys. But, I got a cyst removed, a polyp removed, a metric fuckton of endo removed, and got my bowel back where it should be. Also, they confirmed that I can have babies! Which I didn’t know I was so fucked up about until I started crying about it post surgery.

Oh, also I peed in a bedpan. That’s also something I’ve never done before. And and and, been sick on Christmas! - Adding Tanya later in this post means I remembered something else I’d never done before - jumped into a pool fully dressed. Then became... no longer dressed.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Still don’t remember what my resolution was which- hey, 2020 Heather! Your 2019 resolution is to legitimately lose weight (she says while eating cotton candy ice cream out of the tub) and quit smoking again. Also, maybe be engaged. But mostly, the weight and the smoking thing.

As for 2019 resolutions- I can guess what they were, which probably boiled down to losing weight. I put on about 20 pounds after surgery and haven’t lost it, because shocker, abdominal surgery really fucks with your core strength. Pretty sure there was something in there about reading 100 books (done), beating 4 games (done), and write something original (done? technically?) and/or novel-length (negative).

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? High school people and a few old coworkers. Nick’s cousin and his wife just had their third kid though. I think it may have actually happened on Christmas. 4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? Alternatively, what is your favorite place that you did go this year? No countries. Went to North Carolina for our possible last beach vacation. In January we’re going to Vegas for our friend’s wedding, which will be interesting. They’re getting married on a ferris wheel by an Elvis impersonator. May also go to Maine this year, but not sure yet because I only have a certain amount of vacation time.

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019? Didn’t get a ring, yet. But we’ll see. We also didn’t get the house yet, so lets recycle those wants! Also, while we’re shooting big here, how about a better goddamn president?

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Started my second big girl job on November 18th. Had surgery on April 12th. Not a whole lot else stands out. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Got a new job! With more money and more responsibility and will look really good on a resume! Didn’t kill myself? Which sounds pretty morbid, but I had a lot of pain in my life earlier in the year.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not... losing... weight? Because I really need to do that. The heartburn bullshit will likely go away. The sleep apnea thing will likely go away. Your health in general will improve. And you don’t even like food that much anyway! 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I think I’ve had the flu twice this year and again, abdominal surgery, so yes. 11. What was the best thing you bought? I got nice clothes? Most of the other shit has been knick-knacks. I got more books. A new bookshelf! 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I don’t know. Mine, I guess. I mean, 2019 wasn’t the worst, but it definitely has not been great. 13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed? I have a friend. Let’s call her Amanda. Yeah, her. She’s blown us off a lot this year, which really sucks. The rest of it is her own decisions that only affect us because it’s inevitably going to affect her in a terrible way, but the blowing us off and only using us as passes for free food and ways to do her laundry really sucks.

14. Where did most of your money go? Surgery! My OOP may have been met in April, but the surgery itself was $48,000. I’ve only had to pay about $6,000 because my OOP was 5k, but that still hurts. And my dental sucks, which means I paid out of my ass to fix my teeth. Also, I bought way too many clothes and books. 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I do still appreciate having a job with decent money. The new job will have insurance after my 90 day probation period (yeah, because you can’t have health care for 3 months even if you work in health care because you’re new). I’m glad that I caught the polyp before it became cancerous. I was happy I could have babies. I got excited about the new His Dark Materials series and The Witcher series and Kingdom Hearts 3 and God of War, and probably at least a couple other fandom things.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019? Face My Fears. Curse of the I-5 Corridor. Hadestown soundtrack. Transistor soundtrack. Wasteland, Baby! album. Billie Eilish in general. Lark of My Heart. But mostly, Face My Fears and Don’t Think Twice. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Sadder, probably? 2019 wasn’t great. ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. iii. richer or poorer? Technically probably on par with where I was last year? I didn’t save quite as much as I wanted to with the surgery happening. Also, my car needed some pricey repairs this year. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? I do wish I’d written more this year, but I wrote a lot in October. Possibly more than the last two years combined, which was nice. And I read a lot. I kind of wish I slept more. Or ate better. Or worked out more. I’m just really tired this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Spent less time with doctors? But I mean, taking care of myself is good and I’ve never had that option before.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Spent it mostly sleeping. We got a bug that was either a really bad cold or a flu, so I’ve spent the last week generally shitty and sweaty and tired. First year that we haven’t been able to do Christmas basically at all. But we spent the hours between 6pm on Christmas Eve and 10am Christmas morning have the most restless goddamn sleep in the world and then opened presents and watched Love Actually and some television (the last two episodes of the Witcher!) while kind of napping on the couch, and ordered Chinese because it was hungry and the only thing open. 21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? Think I’m going to make the pirozki on Sunday, and then we’re doing a gift exchange with some of our friends at his mom’s house. 22. Did you fall in love in 2019? Eh. Still love him. 23. Best month for you this year? Clearly me having a good 2018 while everyone else had a shitty one guaranteed 2019 to be shit, because I honestly don’t fucking know. October was nice. So was August. But fuck most of the rest of it.

24. What was your favorite TV program? Of just 2019? Russian Doll, Glow, The Dragon Prince, Good Omens, Schitt’s Creek, The Terror, Chernobyl, Buzzfeed Unsolved, She-Ra, His Dark Materials, The Witcher... 2019 may have been a meh year, but it had some good shows. Of those, I think my favorite was probably either The Witcher or Good Omens, with His Dark Materials, Russian Doll, and The Terror tying for third. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Eh.

26. What was the best book you read? Red, White, & Royal Blue was probably my favorite. I also read Sanderson’s books this year though, which were also absolutely amazing. Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive were wonderful. It was a pretty great year for books too. Books and TV, well done 2019. Middlegame, The Ninth Gate, a lot of rereads. Best one was still Red, White, & Royal Blue though. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Do Utada Hikaru’s new Kingdom Hearts anthems count? Because Spanish Sahara by Foals, Obstacles by Syd Matters, the new Hozier album, and the Hadestown soundtrack were all wonderful musical discoveries. 28. What did you want and got? I don’t know. New clothes? A laptop? Confirmation that my ovaries work?

29. What did you want but didn’t get? Well, I lost the bet with Brandon. No ring by the end of 2019. No kids, either, but we aren’t quite there yet. No house. No perfect health? Is that a thing?

30. What was your favorite film of this year? I liked Into the Spiderverse a lot. Detective Pikachu. Rocketman.Frozen 2. Endgame was all right. I didn’t hate the new Star Wars. Toy Story 4. IT. It wasn’t a super great movie year for me.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? The big 3-0. It was all right. The night before we went to Fujiyamas with a couple of our friends, then on my birthday we had breakfast at First Watch, did some Christmas shopping, and went to the Zoo Lights a little after 5. Froze to death because it was snowing and shocker, when snow melts you get wet, but it was nice. Then had a late dinner at Mackenzie River, because it was one of the only places still open and close to our place.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hah! A better president and a ring is the only thing that I didn’t get from my wishes last year. ----Hmmmmm 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? I did not give up and buys Scrubs. Instead I have a perhaps slightly oversized work appropriate selection of jeans (for Fridays), work slacks, blouses/sweaters, dresses, and skirts. I spent a little too much on clothes this year. I blame discovering Torrid. 34. What kept you sane? Reading was really, really great this year. - STILL leaving this answer, three years running! 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? David Tenant made a shocking comeback after Good Omens aired. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? FUCK DONALD TRUMP IN THE EAR 20156789. —– Ayyyyy, this was my response from last year, and apparently also the year before and the one before! Hello past me’s, don’t worry, it’s still getting worse. 37. Who did you miss? Myself. Also, my brother, who is still in jail almost a year later and still no fucking trial. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I don’t know. Oh! I do know! I really like Tanya.

39. Talk about a new friend that you made this year: Tanya is awesome and pretty and fun and possibly at least a little bit crazy, but we all fucking are, come on. She got to come with us on vacation this year and it really made it interesting. Also, Shay and Alicia. I knew them last year, but got to know them pretty well this year.

40. Post a picture from the beginning of the year:

Took this one about 20 minutes after midnight on January 1st, 2019 after my first successful round of Battleshots. The hat went to the winner. It is not the most flattering picture, because I had been drinking already before I had to take four shots of Satan’s cinnamon liquor.

41. Post a picture from the end of the year:

Taken on my birthday, at the zoo. Again, snow melts.

42. A memorable meal discovered this year? Not sure? There’s not a whole lot of new food we haven’t tried. One of the pharmacists brought in some authentic Indian food for one of the potlucks we had and I don’t remember what it was called but it had rice and eggs and was amazing.

43. What was your favorite memory this year? I don’t know. We saw both Hamilton and Les Mis this year and they both reduced me to tears. I also had some good moments with books and tv shows I watched with Nick.

44. What are you excited for next year? There’s a couple new books. The election. Some tv shows, I think? Games? I don’t know, man. I’m trying not to come off as horribly depressed but I am kind of pretty depressed and nobody will ever know because the only person who ever gets this far into reading these things is me, so- hello 2020 me, you were really sad on December 26th 2019 and honestly for most of the year, so I sure hope 2020 is the year that we fucking seize life by the horns or however that saying goes.

45. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019: I feel like my message from last year is fucking taunting me. Legit though, this is not the worst thing you’ve ever been through. You have a boyfriend who loves you, two wonderful cats that better not fucking die anytime soon, and like, I don’t know, working ovaries. A job. A car. An apartment that has a kind of shitty kitchen and a bath tub that might as well not exist, but is still an apartment! Which is more than some people have!

I guess my message from last year (it gets better) is in almost direct opposition of this year, which is basically: it could always be worse. 46. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer

(seriously, deliriously happy 2018 me quoting singin’ in the rain is taunting me wtf)

First Fandom of 2019: January of 2019 was pretty solidly Detroit Become Human. It hit me hard. Favorite Main Character of 2019: Jonathan Sims. I was a slut for the Archivist in 2019. Favorite Villain of 2019: Elias from The Magnus Archives, maybe? My only other response would be.. dun dun dun, Ben Solo aka Kylo Ron or whatever Favorite M/F Couple of 2019: I... am back on my Reylo bullshit. Favorite F/F Couple of 2019: Can I say Villanelle and Eve even if I didn’t really dip into the fandom? No? Okay, Catra and Adora. Favorite M/M Couple of 2019: Okay, so the three that got me this year was Hank/Connor, Jon/Martin, and Ryan/Shane. Fandom That You Never Expected To Get Into: Um, Buzzfeed Unsolved. Never would have guessed that one. Also like, while I would have expected Detroit Become Human I never would have guessed my favorite ship. Fandom That Made An Unexpected Comeback: Sigh. Twas that Reylo smacking me in the face at the tail end of 2019. Fandom That Inspired The Most Crack: Insert shrug? I read a weird Buzzfeed Unsolved fic above Mothman giving the guys sharable dreams (that were sometimes weird and sometimes sexy) until they boned. Last Fandom of 2019: Sighing again. Reylo. Though Yuletide has made it so I’ve read a lot of Queen’s Thief stuff. Favorite Fandom of 2019: I think that Buzzfeed Unsolved was my favorite purely from a fic standpoint, but Detroit Become Human and The Magnus Archives were both really great too.

#heather says what #2019 #new year's memes #selfie tag?

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trulymadlysydney · 6 years

Text

Close to you (Submission)

(thanks Syd! 😘)

I can feel his green eyes on me as I cross in front of him, yet again, on my way to the kitchen. My hands are wrapped around the stems of the wine glasses from last night and I’m balancing a plate where the biscuits Harry had brought once were in my other hand. His legs are propped up on the coffee table in front of him, crossed at the ankles and his mouth ticks up on one side. One of his long arms stretches across the back of the sofa and the other rests casually against his stomach. “D’ya need help, love?” Harry asks, sitting up a bit more. I smile at him over my shoulder and shake my head before I turn the corner. A few seconds later, the sounds of The Great British Bake Off fill my tiny flat and I smile to myself. He’s comfortable here, and I’m glad for it. He’s always so busy, always travelling and trying to meet the expectations of others, trying to be fifty different places at once, just so he never lets anyone down. When he’s here, which is regrettably not very often, I don’t want him to feel pressured at all. I don’t want him to have to be on… I want him to just be Harry. We’ve been friends for years. Harry has come to be an extended part of my family, and I’ve become part of his. It’s a nice feeling, to be so wholly accepted by Harry’s family. Admittedly, I’m a bit of a people pleaser, so the fact that they like me makes me a tad smug on the inside. More than once, Anne has taken me by the arm and rested her head on mine, telling me how much she appreciates my relationship with her son. Even when Harry was dating someone else, his mother would side-eye them and nudge me in the ribs, whispering “So what’dya think?”. She’s guilty of doing it when drunk, normally, but it’s funny nonetheless. I think both of our families have probably thought our relationship was going to turn into more at some point, it just never has. I don’t blame them for assuming it, really. We’ve always been close and rather touchy, and have even kissed under mistletoe at Christmas and at the stroke of midnight on new year’s. We’ve never talked about it, though, and I don’t want to be the first one to bring it up. Not that it hasn’t crossed my mind. Harry has a way about him that makes you feel like you’re the only person in the room. He makes you feel loved and special and unique and like no one could ever be more important than you. And, okay, so maybe I’m a little in love with him. But really, who wouldn’t be? When I make my way back into the living room, Harry’s eyes are transfixed on the TV and he points to the show that’s playing. “Sharon’s dough wasn’t left to prove enough” He tells me. “S’not gonna rise.” “Paul’s gonna be maaaaad” I say in a sing-song voice as I sit next to him, snuggling under his open arm and Harry makes a noise of affirmation. His arm curls around my shoulder automatically when my body fits next to his, my head resting on the inside of his shoulder. We sit like that for a minute before he shifts under me and I raise my head to look him in the eye. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “C’mere,” Harry says, somewhat clumsily pulling me onto his lap. My knees sink into the sofa cushions on either side of him and my hands rest lightly on his shoulders. This isn’t a typical position for us to find ourselves in, and I’m not sure what to do. My bum rests on his legs, just before his knees and his hands splay out along my back. His shirt is thin and soft under my fingers and I fidget with on of the seams. Ican feel the warmth radiating from his body seeping into my skin and I have the sudden urge to curl up and bask in it. A fire stokes low inside me and I suddenly feel like I can’t be close enough to him. I’ve had this urge before, normally when it’s just us and he can let his guard down, and often aided with alcohol, but it’s never been quite this intense. Harry shifts down a bit and drags me along with him, pulling me closer to his torso. We’re chest to chest now, and my arms wind around his shoulders without any thought. He grasps me tighter, too, and sighs deeply as he rests his head in the crook of my neck. I’m torn because I don’t want to break whatever spell has come over him, but I also want to know what is happening, what this means. My fingers play with his hair - longer now, than the last time I saw him - and scratch at his scalp, which I know he likes. “Harry,” I say, just barely a whisper. He draws back a little, so he can look at me, but stays close. His green eyes are fierce and deep and I think I may get lost in them if I don’t look away. “Are you okay?” “S’gonna sound stupid,” he warns. “I’d expect nothing less,” I tease gently and he bites back a smile. “I jus’ wanted to be close to you.” He doesn’t look me in the eye when he says it, but it breaks my heart nonetheless. I pull him to me, wrapping my arms around him tighter than before, and settle in as close to him as I can. I try not to think about the fact that he’s between my thighs, something I’ve thought about and fantasized about since the first time I’d met him, and concentrate on keeping him close to me. I try to pour out all of my love and appreciation for him, how much I adore him, how I love his stupid jokes and the way he puts the needs of others before his own. I give him everything I can and try to convey how I feel though my touch. I try to show him how much I care by squeezing him tightly and holding him as close as possible, mingling my energy with his. His own hold mirrors mine and I try not to cry. It hurts me to think that he would feel alone or lonely, that he has to be careful with the people he dates because they could want him for the fact that he’s Harry Styles rather than for who he really is. I just want to keep him close and protect him from the world. I don’t know how long we’ve been sat like this, but my legs are starting to go numb. I shift slightly and for a second, Harry’s fingers flex into my sides. It’s like a reflex, and it’s over in the blink of an eye, making me question if it ever really happened at all. His nose skims the side of my neck briefly and goosebumps flash through me. “I like this perfume,” he says. His lips move against my skin and his voice his quiet and raspy. I shiver, but try to cover it up with a small laugh. “Well you should, you gave it to me.” Harry pulls back and looks at me again, his eyes dark and pupils wide. His hands have trailed down towards my bum and grip lightly at the back of my thighs whilst my fingers still play with the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. His perfect teeth sink into his lower lip and he admits,“I like that you wear it still.” His cheeks tinge pink and I have to force myself not to look away. We’re inches from each other, and I swear his eyes dart to my lips more than once. “It’s still my favorite,” I say with a small shrug. Harry tilts his head towards mine and my heart stutters in my chest. I briefly wonder if he can feel my heart pounding, but I’m soon distracted by the feel of his skin on mine as he presses his forehead against mine and his eyes slide closed. He looks so at peace that I can’t help but close my own eyes and just appreciate his presence. I feel his chest rise and fall with every breath and I try to match my breathing to his. I have to slow mine considerably; I wasn’t even aware it had picked up. When his lips ghost over mine, my insides light up and I swear, just from the bare touch of them against mine, fireworks erupt. It’s a slow, barely there feeling, but from it I know he feels the same tether that I do. I’ve waited so long for this, to be held this way by him and touched in a tender, cherished way. From the way his fingers move against my skin - stroking my hair, my back, my thighs, my face - I can tell he’s waited just as long. A calm feeling of finality settles over us as I sink into him further and in this moment, I know all I need to.

------

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO SOFT IM SAD

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years

Text

Some Truths Are Stubborn As Gravity, Ch 2: Six Billion Pieces Waiting To Be Fixed

Her soulmate mark left Penelope just enough room to choose the wrong man the first time.

Elena wants to make sure she’s with the right person right now.

Schneider doesn’t think he deserves a soulmate, or that one is still waiting for him.

Syd is certain they found theirs. They just don’t want to lose her.

Why can’t destiny be simple?

Penelope x Schneider | Elena x Syd, One Day At A Time. Also on AO3.

(Ch 1)

“Mom,” Elena declared that morning, while Penelope was getting ready for work, “you have to promise you’re not going to embarrass me.”

“Me? Embarrassing? I don’t know know what you’re talking about.” Penelope turned back to the mirror and finished applying mascara. “I’m one of the cool moms, remember?”

“And I love you very much,” Elena replied, spacing her words out with care. “But today is important.”

“I know, I know, you’re meeting your internet people for the very first time. I want it to go well for you, too, baby. Besides a quick hello, and maybe a couple of middle school photo albums, I promise to stay out of your way.”

Elena waited until she had Penelope’s full attention. “It’s not just that.”

“Okay. Then what is it?”

“I didn’t realize it until I woke up this morning--it never occurred to me when we set up the meeting, I just wasn’t thinking about it. But, well…”

Elena lifted up her shirt just enough to show the small black date written across the left side of her stomach.

“Oh that’s right, it’s July 19th.” Penelope shook her head. “Sorry, I feel like I’ve been a day behind this whole month.”

She realized Elena was staring at her impatiently and sighed. “Elena, if the great love of your life is going to find you today, I highly doubt anything I--or you--say could ruin that. Try not to worry so much.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You and Papi fell in love right away. What if I meet my soulmate and they don’t even like me?”

“It doesn’t work that way,” Penelope countered gently. “That’s why they’re called soulmates. And anyway, you need to keep in mind that this is only one July 19th. Don’t pin all your hopes on today, all right? I don’t want to see you get hurt if this turns out to be an ordinary Saturday.”

Elena exhaled loudly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll try.”

But despite her easy agreement, she knew something good was going to happen. She could just feel it.

****

Elena really, really loved being right.

It was part of what made her so good at debating; winning an argument meant public validation for being smart and knowing things. She was allowed and even encouraged to celebrate just how right she was--so she learned how to win even more arguments.

When her friends arrived and she was finally meeting them all in person, she couldn’t stop her nerves from coming out in stammering geekspeak, but she was also thrilled, because despite her mom’s warning, she met her soulmate right on schedule.

Dani was gorgeous, and smart, and funny. They cared about the same causes, and liked some of the same music, and as soon as she reached for Elena’s hand to say hello, Elena knew that they were totally meant to be.

Or at least, they would be, as soon as Elena managed to say more than two words to her.

And if Dani was gay.

And if Dani liked her back.

The more time she had to think about it, the more she realized she was probably being ridiculous. Elena had no idea when Dani’s day even was, let alone if they might have a connection.

She smelled really good, though.

Lots of girls tried really hard to make the best first impression possible, each year when their day came around, but Elena had never cared much about soulmates growing up. Maybe she even tended to be a little bit mean to anybody she met on that day each year.

Well, to the boys. A part of her knew, though it would take her years to understand why, that she didn’t want some boy she would be stuck with forever.

But once she figured out that she liked girls, that liking girls was something she could do...something that was possible and okay and right...July 19th made her nervous.

Her parents had been so in love, she’d seen it every day. She felt it. And things between them had still imploded. Their marriage was a slow-motion car crash; she and Alex were left with whiplash and in Elena’s case, the understanding that love was not automatically enough.

She wanted to find her soulmate. She wanted to fall in love.

But she didn’t want to ruin it before she got the chance.

So when the first July 19th after she came out led her to a gorgeous activist with confidence to spare, Elena held her breath and hoped.

She didn’t do anything else, especially nothing as logical as mentioning her mark to Dani or asking her out.

What if she tripped over her words and said the worst possible thing and scared her soulmate away? With her luck, it could happen. Her mom insisted otherwise, but she didn’t understand--she had never been as awkward as Elena.

Plus she met her soulmate ages ago. And her soulmate was a boy.

It was just different.

****

“Do you ever wonder about your soulmate?” Penelope asked Schneider, standing just outside his door.

He took one look at her face, sighed, and stepped back. “Come in, Pen. This feels like a longer conversation than we should be having in the hall.”

As she sat on his couch, he shut the door behind her and tied his robe a little tighter. “Now, what’s on your mind? Soulmates?”

“Yeah. Elena has been asking a lot of questions lately, because of Syd…”

“Understandable,” he interjected, nodding.

“And it got me thinking, if at our age it even makes sense to think about soulmates anymore. If we haven’t met our person by now, what’s the likelihood that we’re going to?”

“I don’t know,” he said, joining her on the couch. “I guess this means Victor wasn’t yours?”

She looked down at her lap. “No.”

“I kind of wondered, after everything, but I didn’t want to ask. I’m sorry, Penelope. That sucks.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, shaking her head. “We didn’t know any better. Our days matched, and I wouldn’t change any of it--my kids are the best part of my life.”

“I know.” He reached out to hug her from the side. “Still. To answer your question, I don’t think about it, no. I haven’t in a long time.”

“Really?” Schneider had always been casual about relationships and sex, but he was also so sweet, so full of love for the people around him, that Penelope definitely would have guessed he was a believer in fate.

“Yeah.”

“If you did find your soulmate now...do you think there would be a chance for it to work?”

“If you found your soulmate now, I one hundred percent believe that it would work,” he told her seriously. “Absolutely. It’s crazy to think that just because you’re forty, you can’t find love.”

“You’re only a little older than me,” she reminded him. “If I can have a happy ending, so can you.”

“Eh.” Schneider waved her words away.

“Hey, you could. Why don’t you think so?”

“Have you met me?”

“Yes. Three times, as a matter of fact, since you kept reintroducing yourself before you got clean.” Penelope caught something in his expression as she spoke, and narrowed her eyes. “Is that what this is about?”

“You of all people should get it,” he said. “You can’t tell me that Victor’s drinking wasn’t part of what broke your marriage. Who would want to live with that? And my relapses, my addictions, are so much more complicated than the drinking. It’s my whole life.”

There was such a hopeless, helpless quality to his words, it hurt Penelope to hear, but she didn’t try to argue with him. She just listened.

“I stopped thinking about my soulmate when I started drinking. Because who needed to pin their hopes on fate when drugs and alcohol were right there, instant happiness? And I haven’t wondered about her since, because I refuse to. There’s no requirement that you love your soulmate, you know? You can walk away.”

Penelope heard what he wasn’t saying, and grabbed his hand. It was an impulse; she was rarely the one who reached out first.

“Schneider, listen. You’re right, about Victor, I know what that life is like. Which means I know what I’m talking about. You hear me?”

He nodded.

“You are more than your addictions. You prove that, every day you stay sober. Victor and I didn’t work out for a lot of reasons; in the end, we just weren’t meant. But for those years, I’m glad we had each other. Even during the worst of it, because it helped shape who I am, and I’m pretty awesome.”

He smiled. “You are.”

“So are you. Whether you meet your soulmate tomorrow, or you never find her, you have as much potential for happiness as I do. And if it doesn’t work, it could be because of your horrible taste in music or the fact that you cook nettles...it could be because she collects those creepy old dolls white women like, and they stare at you while you sleep, and when you want to move them out of the bedroom she cries and says they’re her children and talks to them by name. It could happen for all kinds of reasons!” Penelope insisted.

“But if it ends because you’re in recovery, and she can’t handle that, then she was never your soulmate to begin with. Because you’re easy to love, Schneider. You’re so easy to love, and you’ve worked really hard to stay sober, and anyone who cares about you can see that and is proud of you for it.”

He stared at her for a full minute, swallowing hard before he spoke. ”Hey, wasn’t this supposed to be your pep talk?”

“We can do me later,” she said, flashing him a smile. “Right now, I got you.”

“Yeah.” Schneider smiled back, squeezing her hand. “Yeah, okay. Thanks, Pen.”

****

It was pretty bizarre that her little brother and her Abuelita, of all people, had helped Elena start dating...but she couldn't deny that without them, she probably never would have found herself getting ice cream with Syd.

Now that it was just them, she could feel her nerves coming back, times a hundred. Considering how they met, she lunged for the easiest conversation starter that came to mind.

"So, have you always been into gaming?" Elena asked, dipping her spoon into a cup of vanilla with crumbled cookie pieces on top.

Syd nodded. "Pretty much. I had to save up for my own equipment, because my parents aren't big into non-educational entertainment. They were fine with it once it was clear I wasn't going to let it interfere with my homework, though."

"What was your first console?"

Swallowing a mouthful of rocky road, Syd paused. "It's going to make me sound like such a nerd."

"Hey, you're talking to the queen of the nerds right here," Elena replied. "I recycle for fun."

"Well, I was impatient and saving up money was taking a long time, so I got my first console from one of my cousins when I was seven--and it was already a hand-me-down for him when he got it."

Elena smiled. "Now I'm intrigued."

"My first console was an Atari."

"No way. Like, the real thing? Retro Atari?"

"With Frogger and Pong and all of that, yeah." Syd grinned. "I wanted an Xbox, but allowance and extra chores could only go so far."

"I can't believe you bought your own gaming system at seven," Elena mused. "You're right, you really are a nerd."

"Hey, it takes one to...get ice cream with one."

"True." Elena smiled back, and they ate their dessert in slightly-more-comfortable silence after that.

It was at the end of the evening, when Syd held the door open on their way out of the shop, that the possibilities between them became so much scarier. Elena caught the date written on the inside of their wrist and stopped walking. She was frozen where she stood.

"Elena? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she told Syd faintly. The paralyzing terror was unexpected.

Hadn't she hoped this would happen? Wasn't it what she wanted?

"I'm fine," she added, as though saying the words would make it true. "Just a...a little dizzy."

At least that part wasn't a lie. It felt like the whole world had sped up around them, a whirlwind of possibilities, all tied to the meaning of July 19.

She knew the right thing to do would be to tell Syd the truth. They had the right to know what Elena had just figured out. But it was so soon--it was too soon. If Syd was going to let her down gently after their single date, it would hurt much worse now.

People's days were private, Elena thought, not sure if she really believed that or was trying to convince herself. She didn't have to reveal hers, just because Syd happened to have the same one, in an unavoidably visible area.

Love was a leap, that was what her mom had told her once. A decision, not just the unavoidable whims of fate.

As Syd waited with concern, Elena offered them a reassuring smile, and kept her mouth shut. She didn't know if this was fate or not, but she was sure of one thing: she wasn't ready to leap.

****

Getting confirmation from the universe that Syd could be her soulmate left Elena even more determined not to scare them off. It also seemed to directly increase the amount of stupid things she said when she was trying to flirt, and she couldn't make it stop.

It didn't help that she had a little brother who made it look easy. She wished she had half of Alex's cool, instead of being the sibling who couldn't string together a coherent sentence around her crush.

Kissing Syd was an act of desperation, some sports metaphor for her final chance, the moment when Elena decided it was better to risk everything than let Syd think the worst.

And then, kissing them was a revelation.

They liked her back. Even though she couldn't stop babbling, even though she spent most of their time together acting crazy, Syd liked Elena as much as she liked them. Enough to make out on a balcony in the middle of a manhunt.

Sent back inside by circling helicopters, they went to Elena's room, holding hands next to each other on her bed.

"I have to show you something," Elena said, before she could lose her nerve. With her free hand, she lifted up the long-sleeved shirt and vest that she was wearing, baring her stomach.

Syd's confusion turned to surprise, and then joy. They held up their wrist, asking the question with raised eyebrows rather than words.

Elena nodded. "I noticed it after ice cream."

"Why didn't you say something? I thought maybe you were lactose intolerant and just didn't want to mention it. Or that you had a terrible time."

"No, I had a great time. I just got scared, when I saw it."

"Of me?"

"Not you." Elena squeezed the hand she was still gripping between them. "Of the future, I guess? I thought I was ready to find the person I was meant to be with, and our first date was going really well, and then I saw your mark and I realized I am so not ready. Not for my whole life to be decided right now."

"Nobody said it has to be," they pointed out.

"Yes, and I realized that a few minutes ago, when happiness finally drowned out the panic in my head. I like you. And hey, maybe we're meant to be. That's pretty cool."

"That's very cool," Syd agreed.

"So for now, I'm going to focus on that. Getting to know each other better and having fun."

"Saving destiny for later."

"Exactly."

"Sounds perfect." Syd looked down at their joined hands. "Should we go join your family?"

"It's been weird out there. I kinda got the feeling we'd be better off staying in here."

"Okay."

They sat in silence for a few moments before Syd let go of Elena's hand. She turned toward them to make sure everything was okay, but never got the chance to ask.

Syd leaned in slowly to kiss her, giving her time to protest, melting her nerves away with every brush of their lips and the feeling of their fingertips against her face.

When they finally emerged from her room, Elena was certain even Dr. Berkowitz could see the flashing sign above their heads that said 'just got done making out until we were flushed and breathless.' Nobody said anything, though.

It was a miracle that she didn't revert to her former, babbling self after that, but once the soulmate connection was out the open, Elena didn't feel nervous around Syd anymore. She didn't feel scared, either. She just felt happy.

Until Homecoming.

****

Before Syd showed up in that jacket and tie and made a liar out of Elena and her disdain for high school rites of passage, she wasn't sure how anybody knew when they were in love.

She loved her family and her closest friends, and she had thought about it a lot, but it was a mystery to her. How did 'like' evolve into 'love' and when did you notice the difference? It had to be really obvious, right? Like getting hit by lightning, one of those metaphors for love that sounded violent and terrifying but, Elena thought, must be worth the damage. Otherwise, why would everyone be so obsessed with romance and happily-ever-afters?

Maybe people liked to exaggerate. Or maybe she was just weird, because it was nothing like a lightning bolt. It wasn't even like her heart skipped a beat.

Elena watched Syd totally embarrass themself in front of her family--except they weren't embarrassed at all, not like Elena would be with everyone looking at her while she sang and danced. Syd was so secure in who they were...they liked her that much...they were one of the most amazing people Elena had ever met. They were smart, and funny, and sweet, and so talented, and oh my god she was in love with them.

She expected her stomach to lurch, her heart to race, and it did as the significance of her feelings sunk in. But the actual fall into love was so easy, it didn't hurt it all. It was more like static electricity in the dark, over an empty patch of carpet. A brilliant spark she never expected that could light her up.

And wow, did it ever. She went to a dance. She danced without caring what anybody else thought. She was happy, and in love, and once she told Syd the truth about her lack of popularity, she felt even more sure that they belonged together.

Their days matched, after all. According to the lore that was the first step to forever.

If she were a different kind of person, an easier person, less prone to picking everything apart and looking for danger, that would have been enough. But she was Elena Alvarez, and she had two divorced parents who could barely hold a conversation about the weather without arguing.

Parents with matching days, who loved each other right up until they didn't.

After the dance she couldn't help thinking about it, worrying over it. She and Syd were so happy that she could lock the fear away most of the time, but it would come back whenever she got too comfortable. Anytime Elena thought they really must be soulmates, an obnoxious part of her brain asked why it mattered. If soulmates couldn't guarantee a relationship was forever, what was the point?

By the end of the school year she she could tell her distant moods were worrying Syd, but she couldn't stop feeling torn between happiness and fear. If they knew she had doubts, it would worry them even more, so Elena avoided the questions and the confused looks.

It finally occurred to her on a random Tuesday night at home that she might be missing a piece of the puzzle. If she was, Elena realized, laying her domino down next to the last one Alex had played, she could never expect to figure this out.

Elena didn't want to hurt her mom by opening old wounds, but she had to know. Was the moral of her parents' story that soulmate bonds couldn't guarantee happiness?

Or had her mom just mistaken her Papi for fate?

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ninesoftkids · 6 years

Note

ship ur mutuals with skidz! bringing this ask meme back cause y not! friendship! woo! 💓❤️💓💖💗💕💞❣️💗❤️💞❣️

Aayyy, I love these asks! Unfortunately, Stray Kids only has nine members :( so I’ve finished the rest of my mutuals with other idols I think fit! I hope that’s ok lmao. Right. (It’s gonna be quite long so i’m going to insert the line thingy) Here we gooooo :D

· Woojin – Andy. Thefirst person to fight your corner, but sometimes they lack belief inthemselves. An essential part of our family, just like Woojin. One of the mostcaring people I’ve met, but also definitely one of the most chaoticallyencouraging people ever. Don’t let them eat the trees. @haknveons

· Minho – Roxi. Two bubblypeople with serious visuals! But don’t let their cuteness fool you – there’sdemons hidden beneath the angel exteriors. Just as Roxi loves to both hurt andheal us with gorgeous pictures of our faves, Minho loves to tease. The push-and-pullrelationship. Roxi the Angel, and Minho the Devil. But he cares deeply, andwould always listen to whatever worries you had. You can expect cute good nightmessages and missed Skype calls that are made up with a thousand nose kisseswhen you finally see each other. The Opposites Attract Couple @lxx-fxlix

· Chan – Syd. Bluntand honest, forthright with their beliefs, I think Chan and her would have amazingphilosophical arguments that would end in cuddles and Disney on the sofa whilethey throw popcorn at each other. Chan could teach you Korean, and you canteach him your slang :D Also that height difference would be cute af. @hwarang-my-loves

· Hyunjin – Mer. Twoanimal lovers with visuals to merder. 😉 You share the cutestgiggles and are always down for pillow forts and cuddle piles. Fancy dinnerwho? Give you two pizza and some fluffy dogs and you’re good to go. You’d takethe best pictures of each other and you’d be the Aesthetic Couple @softstan4softboys

· Changbin – Liz. Edgelord?Bitch, where? Like Changbin, your aesthetic is the opposite of your personality.You’re both whole dorks who love fiercely and are genuinely amazing people. Plus,I just really like imagining Changbin doing aegyo for the last Cadbury’schocolate or something and you judging him so hard, but doing the exact samething thirty seconds later. Softies. Both of you. The Tsundere Couple @darkaegyo

· Jisung – Hae. Two kidswith unbelievable and unending energy. Plus the visuals? God damn you’d look sogood together. Another Aesthetic Couple. Give the two of you energy drinks andyou’ll be bouncing off the walls. Expect midnight runs to your local supermarket,throwing grapes into each others mouths, cute holiday vlogs where Jisung triesto befriend a squirrel and you throw peanuts at him. @squirrelboiii

· Felix – Csen. He’dlove to watch you draw in the park while he kicks a ball around with the boysand pretend he’s not trying to figure out who you’re drawing – he hopes that it’shim. Teaching each other to cuss in other languages. He’d roll his eyeswhenever you scream over Namjoon or a Stray Kids Comeback but secretly love howexcited you get about things you love. The sarcasm also runs strong in thisship. Cute selfies returned with a ‘I did it better’. 100% down to prank eachother. The Friends to Lovers Trope we all adore. @lee-minho

· Seungmin – Esther.People can’t decide if you’re the most savage or the most soft couple to exist.You both put so much thought into what you do for others and you’re so treasuredby everyone who gets to call you a friend. Birthdays are always anticipatedbecause you try to outdo each other in what presents you get each other. You metat a theme park, both the odd person in a group and having to sit next to eachother on a ride. When the ride ends you leave the others to find some ice creamand drinks – and it isn’t your fault that you forgot you arrived with otherpeople. The Meet-Cute we all deserve. @goddamngyu

· Jeongin – Charz. Thelittle sister we all wish we had. You and Jeongin would be the cutest ok. You’dcompete at baking and force the boys to choose which is better without themknowing whose is whose (you’d both try to bribe the boys beforehand) You’ddance long into the night, not watching the time and just laughing at eachother’s attempts at popular dances. You were probably introduced through mutualfriends at a bonfire, and spent the night arguing over who had the best randomfacts. The Must Protect Couple @strayedtoofar

And now my other mutuals! :D

· Tayla – KimSeokjin, BTS. Both visuals and Jin would help raise your self-confidence levels byalways taking pictures of you looking cute and bragging to the boys about you. Absolutedorks, with ridiculous nicknames to match. You steal his shirts and he pretendsnot to notice because his jumpers give you sweater paws and it’s adorable. But thosesweater paws come in handy when he tells a particularly bad pun and one lookfrom Yoongi has you whapping one sleeve across his arm, despite laughing atleast as hard as Jimin. Couple Goals. @mindieu

· Ash – Lee Jihoon, SVT. You’re another Opposites Attract Couple, but both of you makeme want to cuddle the shit out of you. Both completely adorable, you probablymet like one of your AU’s :p A penpal thing that your friends mischievouslysigned you up for and it grew from there. You’ll send him Kpop memes and thoughhe won’t understand many of them, the second he sees his face he’ll be like ‘hey!It’s me!’ He hates aegyo but he’ll do it to make you smile, even at the expenseof his dignity in front of the other members. The Pen Pal trope that I am anabsolute sucker for. @lovelyhoonie

· Stacia – KimTaehyung, BTS. Infectious laughter would follow you everywhere you went, and you’dalways be touching each other in some way – holding hands, an arm wrappedaround your waist, you name it. Also secretly evil – together with Jungkook,you prank the shit out of the other members and no one ever links it back toyou. And why would they? Both of you have Angel faces. The Trouble Maker Couple @softtrasshh

· Jazz – Taeyong, NCT. Istill don’t know a lot about NCT, but I think your personalities would match sowell! Both fun loving and so caring and ready to give advice if people need it.You’d bond over your protective instincts and probably spend lots of time atsmall parties with close friends, laughing over good memories. @always-a-winwin

· Ty – Jeongyeon,Twice. Neither of you could look like a mess if you tried. Goddess-tiervisuals, I swear. I also like to think that Jeongyeon sends really cutemessages to her members and always tries her best to make everyone feel better.And you’re literally the same, in that respect. You love angst so much, and youdon’t need a happy ending, so when she finishes a sad movie or novel, you’rethere to tease her back into laughter again. Neither of you are good for myheart and you fucking know it, you demons. Pet names between you range from ‘babygirl’ and ‘sweetheart’ to ‘nerd’ and ‘oi, you’. The Playful Relationship. @softspearb

· Bri – Kihyun, Monsta X. Outspoken about what youthink is right and wrong. Incredibly loyal and fun-loving. Always up for anadventure, and weekends will find you two trying to get lost in the city purelyfor the fun of it! The Adventurous Couple with so many stories to tell! @b-interest

· K – Jennie, BlackPink.You seem kinda intimidating but you’re actual fluffballs. Always have eachothers backs, and spend your weekends at the park trying to get pictures of thecutest dog – loser has to buy ice cream. The Cute Couple @straychijeu

· Roo – Jung Hoseok, BTS.You always try to see the best in people and in every situation. You’ve beenthrough difficult situations, but you smile your way through it with your headheld high and you always show concern for everyone else, sometimes forgettingthat you deserve to be cared for too!!!! @chanscurls

· Tia – Jin Jin,Astro. Visuals for days and with smiles that make the sun jealous! I thinktogether you’d be the couple that always out and doing something. Trying a newrestaurant, racing each other down streets, going to karaoke rooms. Your IG isfull of, not necessarily aesthetic photos, but definitely short videos of JinJin doing something amusing and you laughing in the background, or you leaningon a fence pointing at ‘the view’ with a comment from him ‘you are the view’. TheCheesy Couple! @ ????

· Flora – Youngjae,GOT7. Very affectionate and take the cutest selfies! If someone can’t find eitherof you, it’s because you’re hiding somewhere with ice cream and a movie. You loveteaching each other your own languages and laugh together over both yourattempts at the correct accents and pronunciation! @ ???

I cannot remember some of your URL’s so like…. can the rest of y’all link this to them bc i’m an awful human being lmao

#i love my mutuals with all my heart

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heoltrouble · 7 years

Text

Reunited

"Are you at it, again?“ Eunha scowled behind you while you quickly shut your MacBook so she couldn’t have access to invade your secret.

Geez, this sneaky head!

You cursed her inwardly, feeling embarrassed for caught stalking your ex-boyfriend.

Stalking Kwon Hyuk. Yes, it’s the famous R&B singer which known as his popular name; Dean. Your ex-boyfriend who made you stuck in forever couldn’t move on phase, the passionate Hyuk.

"What?” you turned your head to face her, giving your innocent look as if stalking your ex was completely normal behavior. Well, it was normal and understandable when you had broken up with him one month ago, but the fact was you had been doing this for three years, three years five months three weeks two days in exact number.

"You will only hurt yourself.“ Eunha said, but her voice sounded sad. She was the one who knew how hard you tried to let him go, but until now you never did.

"I know, can’t help.” You shrugged then looked out at the window, sighing.

You can’t stop thinking about him. Never.

You tried to not having an urge peeking his life, it usually work in a month or two but you would find yourself back to stalk him again. Checking the latest news about him, the girl whom he date and stuffs. You knew it’s not right and wasn’t a good effect for your mental’s health but you couldn’t stop yourself. His presence was like tattoo which deeply engraved on your life, it was never simple to let him go.

Curiosity can kills T-Rex and you didn’t want to die because of your curiosity even though you’re not that ancient legend animal, infamous Tyrano Saurus. You were always curious about his life, or like what Eunha called; stupid obsession.

It wasn’t like you didn’t want to stop it, you tried. Multiple times, you blocked him on twitter, telegram, kakaotalk, even in instagram, but in the end you always back to your instagram account and peeked his life through your another account.

It’s like wanting your wound to be healed but you keep scratching it, it never make the wound any better, it make it worse and you just didn’t care.

Added this on the the list; nothing help when wherever you are, his songs and his name always can be heard. He’s on the top of his career, having his second mini album released, bunch of featuring with other talented artists, countless commercials, and lastly being one of judge on Show Me The Money 6, hell was increasing his appearance everywhere.

Then what do you have to do except accept the reality that you never could run away from him? It’s suck, and that’s how life can be. Take it or leave it.

Living as radio announcer made you listen and read everything about him, whether you like it or not. But it’s your job that we’re talking about, be professional was the best decision. And no one knows you’re his ex-girlfriend, well you also didn’t want others to know. His fans could be so brutal and aggressive if they knew the incompatible girl who dated their oppa, jealous fangirl could be so scary and dangerous.

You shook your head, shuddering at the thought about what they could do to you. Threat, murder, bully, kidnapping or violence.. Anything could happen.

“Y/n, have you read the script for the interview next week?” Your senior’s voice made you jump out from your seat.

“Uh?” You looked at her, completely bewildered.

“You are not listening to me, aren’t you?” She put her hand on her hips, ready to scold you.

You gave her apologetic smile, “sorry, what did you just say?”

“You’ll be the host for our interview with Dean, have you read the script?“

Crap. You forgot. No, not completely forgot. You did read it but you were planning to switch your interview session with Eunha, because you didn’t want to interview this artist.

"Sorry, sunbae..” you mumbled, thinking what kind of excuse you would say to avoid this interview.

“Have you read it or not?”

“I have, I did..” you nodded.

Shit, you were really bad at lying.

“Good, then you must be ready. He will have this interview next week, talking about his new single and we’ll have little bit personal question.”

"…“

"Y/n?!” She called you because you didn’t give response.

"Yes?“

"Why are you looking so uninterested? It’s Dean, all the girls love him. You should be happy because there’s a lot of girl want to be in your position."

And here you did your best to not rolling your eyes at her.

"Maybe they could take this opportunity?” You shrugged, not wanting the conversation going further. Or else, you would spilled the truth, rambling about how you cope with the sadness and regret for breaking up with him.

"No way, I don’t want them going crazy while interviewing him. It will make him uncomfortable.“ She reasoned.

"But Eunha said she wants to do it.” You lied, you haven’t asked her yet and you were one thousands percent sure Eunha won’t do it either. You just needed to save your own life and sacrifice her.

"Nope, I need her for another project. You’re the best, You aren’t affected by him, it will help to smoothing the interview.“

Smoothing the interview but ruining my life? Yeah, thanks. But your life already ruined by the time you chose to break up with him. Once again, thanks for reminding me.

You couldn’t hel but scoff.

Thirty minutes before on air, you kept fidgeting your fingers; absolutely nervous. It’s been so long time since the last time you met him, it will be the awkward radio interview on your history.

Minutes passed and you heard someone opened the recording room.

"Hi.” He greeted casually.

You wanted to say hi but all you could do was only nodding. He was standing across you with his million smile, looking so attractive without even trying.

His washed ripped jeans gave you glimpse on his right knee and his black sweater wasn’t helping to calm your nerve. His body screamed muscle everywhere, sure he had been hit on gym more often for the past years.

Cutting the awkwardness, you acted professionally, asking him few questions based on the script, helping him to promote his album and made sure the listeners wouldn’t miss to watch SMTM6. Dean himself on the other said looking really calm and reserved, he went very well answering the questions. He even brought your favorite Starbucks hot chocolate which made you can’t say no.

Who’s crazy to say no to hot chocolate, though?

Finally. It was on your last section, you had one last question left on your script and then asked him to sing his song in acoustic version.

"Dean-ssi, recently you did a lot of featuring with other artists, among of them is there your favorite?“ You asked, still managed to look him at his eyes even though you wanted to end this interview quickly.

"Ummm..” He tilted his head slightly as he thinking the answer, looking so freaking adorable and hot at the same time when he ran his fingers on his hair.

How could he manage that thing? Damn for his gorgeousness-

"Every featuring has its own unforgettable moment..“ he said, snatching you back to reality and stopping you to ogling at him, "It’s hard to pick one when the fact I adore all of them. The only I can do is getting better in each collaboration, they’re all very precious moments for me and my musicality.”

Ha! The cliche answer, of course he won’t say who’s his favorite. It will only make the others feel bad.

“I see..” you agreed, “but I do like your collab with Loco, his rap and your voice goes well on that song.” You stopped talking when you realized you just make your own honest opinion, it wasn’t written on the script.

Darn-

Dean couldn’t hide his smirk, his eyebrows looked like they mocking you. Your opinion was like feeding his ego and it wasn’t your intention though.

“Really?” He nibbled his lower lips, teasing you, “you listened my song?” His eyes were twinkling in amusement.

“Yeah.. It’s a good song.” You admitted, next time you should stick on the script instead of improvising by your own. You and your mouth needed to talk after this, it needs to stop speaking your heart loudly.

But the song was really caught your attention, you were completely honest about your opinion. You liked the song, and you have it on your phone.

“You didn’t say it only for making me feel better because I’m the guest, did you?” He asked again.

Why did you feel he was the interviewer and you were the guest?

“Of course not.” You defended, sometimes being nice to the guest needed, that’s why the interviewer would say they listened or watched the guest’s work, call it ethics code but you’ll need it in any occasion.

“Do you have it on your phone?” He dared you, gaining chuckles from his manager, your producer and few his fans which lately you knew they’re all your co-workers. They’re Dean lovers while you were Dean’s lover. You was his lover, a long time ago. But unfortunately for you, he’s still your lover.

You aren’t going to let this topic down, are you?

You gave him that look but he only smiled in victory.

“I do.” You couldn’t stop yourself to not glare at him.

“Can I check it?” He really loved to test your limits.

You sighed inwardly but at the end you gave your phone to him, showing your iTunes playlist. The entire Korea was listening you and Dean, you won’t let them down and gaining hatred comments for lying to their oppa.

He gently brushed his fingers on yours when he took your phone, you freeze for a second when you realized he did that on purpose. Dean’s seemed not caring at all, he played innocent as if nothing then he casually pressed the play button, placing your phone near the microphone to let the world knew that you’re not lying.

He played his newest song, Love featuring Syd.

“You really have it.” He sang proudly.

“Of course, didn’t I tell you earlier?” You suppressed your urge to not rolling your eyes and scoffing at him, well his manager was there and his bunch of lovers were there too! Literally everyone on his side.

You noticed he was typing something on your phone very quick and skilled before he gave your phone back. He reached out your phone back to you in polite manner, then you took it from him real quick, more like snatching.

You looked at it in disbelief when you noticed what he wrote earlier, just when you looked at him, he already staring at you with his deep eyes while you looking at him with your mouth hanging open, wondering what on earth he just did.

He opened note application on your phone and there’s his words typed on it;

I miss you, please come back.

#dean #deantrbl #deantrouble #dean trouble #dean the official #deantrbl scenarios #deantrbl scenario #club eskimo #clubeskimo #kwonhyuk #kwon hyuk

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