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oliviajdjarin · 5 months

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Din Djarin: Come and Get Me

Pairing: Din Djarin x fem!reader (she/her; afab)

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: After a job leaves you trapped, you realize how much you have come to trust the legendary Mandalorian.

Excerpt: “Please don’t cry,” you heard him whisper, “please don’t cry, Y/N.”

“Come and get me,” you begged, “Din, please come and get me.”

“The house is likely on total lockdown,” he said. “There’s no way for me to get in.”

This only made you sob harder.

“Please, Din,” you said through gasps of air, “please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t leave you alone,” he said. It sounded like he was running now. “Not ever, you understand me?”

Warnings: claustrophobia, panicking, panic attack, crying, so much banter, dinny boy gets *stern, * but only because he is in love hehe.

A/N: happy dincember my people :)

Pedro Masterlist

All my writing

(gif credit to pinterest)

“Why are droids always so angry?”

A deep sigh arose through your comlink.

“Because everyone is always pushing their buttons.”

Silence.

“You’re holding back your laughter.”

“That is absolutely not what is happening,” Din responded, voiced husked with his ever-present exhaustion.

“I can feel it,” you countered. “You are actively killing braincells trying to hold it back.”

“That is not what is killing my braincells,” Din responded, and you gave a dry chuckle back.

“Just get the credits and get out,” Din said, “we have other jobs to do.”

“Yes sir,” you responded sarcastically, pulling down your mask. It was a soft obsidian fabric that covered everything but your eyes.

“Need I remind you it is your fault we are here in the first place?” Din asked, knowing it would push your own button.

Greef had known you since you were a kid, your parents always calling him a “close family friend.” In actuality, your parents were his most profitable bounty hunters, and they had worked with him until they physically couldn’t anymore.

Without hesitation, choosing you take their place.

They had trained you from birth, ingraining into you the strength, cleverness, patience, persistence, and of course the wit needed to be an adequate replacement.

In Greef’s own words, you were “more than adequate.”

You worked for him for over a decade before finally meeting the infamous Mandalorian. His name had been circling for a while before you met him, allowing him to climb the ladder of Greef’s good graces (a particularly slippery ladder, in your opinion), as well as the ladder of wealth. You didn’t mind at first, sticking to the lot of bounties Greef would assign you every month, and minding your business.

That was until this Mandalorian started getting your pick of the lot.

“He’s just as good as you are,” Greef had said to you. “Your skill sets are incredibly complimentary. It is best for me financially to have you both going at once.”

You scoffed into your drink. “Give me a break, smartass. Next thing I know it will ‘best for you financially’ to have us working together.”

“It was a joke, asshole,” you responded to Din. “I’ll admit, not one of my best.”

Din sighed and remained silent. After two dozen jobs together, he had learned how old that jab was becoming.

“Going in now,” you said quietly, pulling out your gun and – as quietly as you could – shooting through the lock on the front door of what had to have been the biggest house you had ever seen. The outside was made with some rare limestone that glimmered in the moonlight which, in your opinion, literally shouted “rob me.” The owners of this house had tricked Greef, running off with the sum of money he had owed you and Din for a previous job (quite convenient, if you said so yourself). Greef agreed to pay you and Din triple your original salary if you got it back for him.

And here you were.

The door squeaked on its hinges as you opened it, revealing a pitch-black living area. You took one step inside, and as you did, a generator must have kicked on, because the room was instantly lit up. You gasped, stepping back in fear of a possible alarm, but as you waited a few seconds, there was no such thing.

“You okay?” Din asked quietly. If you weren’t shitting your pants, you might have teased him for seeming like he actually cared.

“Yeah,” you responded, winded. “Yeah. Fine.”

You looked around the room, jaw falling open slowly as you did. It might as well have been a museum. Paintings, vases, chandeliers, stones, and jewels. You could tell one thing and one thing only.

Whoever these people were, they were fucking loaded.

“Hey, Din,” you asked.

“Yeah?”

“Did Greef say anything about being allowed to steal anything else?”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Got it,” you said, and moved further into the house.

“Greef paid some gungan to have dinner with them, so there shouldn’t be anyone in the house.”

“I was at the meeting for this job, Din.”

“I know,” he said, “Just checking.”

His voice was laced with an undertone of…hurt. You didn’t have time to think about that.

“I’m headed to the master bedroom,” you said, weaving your way through objects worth more than you would ever see in ten lifetimes. “I’ll let you know when I find the box.”

“Alright,” Din responded, and you carried on.

You circled the first floor of the house, hemming and hawing at what seemed to be an endless supply of riches.

“Are we focused, Y/N?”

“Lazer,” you responded after almost touching the shiniest blue stone you had ever seen. “Nothing on the first floor.”

“Okay,” Din responded. “How-how you holding up?”

Your eyebrows wrinkled together. “Fine. How about you?”

“I’m good,” he said softly. “Just now realizing we have never done a job like this before. Me only hearing you through the comlink. I’m used to being next to you.”

“Oh, the poor Mandalorian, all alone in the desert, cursed with the job of keeping watch. You missing me big guy?”

“Just missing being faster than you,” he jabbed. “It’s good for my ego.”

“Har har,” you responded, opening the first door you found at the top of the stairs. “You can’t deny I give you a run for your money though.”

“You sure do,” he said, once again laced with emotion. What the fuck was with him?

And why did you keep noticing?

You opened the door and were welcomed by what had to have been the biggest bed you had ever seen in your life. It took up half the room, with the rest of it being looted with more treasures, including plants, shelves of books, and…

…a music box.

“Bingo,” you said.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s a game you play for fun,” you responded. “You wouldn’t be familiar with the concept.”

“Very original.”

“I’ll be here all night,” you said with a smirk, and walked to the box. You pulled it off the shelf delicately, feeling the weight of credits in the bottom. You laughed happily, unable to hold it in.

Din laughed too. He understood immediately.

You felt for the seal on the front and began to pull it open carefully. You got it about halfway open before it immediately shut, snapping your fingers into it.

“Mother –” you said, pulling your fingers out and holding them to your chest.

“You okay?” Din asked quickly, almost as soon as the word left your mouth.

“Yeah,” you said, flexing your fingers. You laughed lightly. “I think this house may be out to get me.”

As if you spoke it into existence, all the lights in the house suddenly shut down, soaking you in darkness. Strobe lights of red began to pulse on the ceiling, the door to the bedroom shut automatically, and an ear-piercing alarm permeated the room.

You were suddenly unmoving.

“Y/N?” Din asked, his voice a whisper above the alarms. “Y/N, what is that?”

The box fell from your grip.

“Din…” you said, chest constricting, muscles locking, brain failing. “Din…”

“What’s going on?”

You started shaking your head, making your way to the door slowly. You jiggled the doorknob, then pulled on it, then yanked on it, then threw your body into it.

It was no use. You were locked in from the outside.

“Din, I –” your voice cracked with a sob. “Din, I’m stuck.”

“What do you mean?” He sounded like he was walking.

“I’m-I’m trapped,” you said, sobs now fully escaping from your mouth. “Din I’m trapped. They know I’m here. They’re gonna…”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, hand cupping your mouth as you began to hyperventilate, because suddenly, you were a child again. Put up against one of your parents’ countless tests. Locked in a basement, or a ship, or your own room, forced to find a way out, told that in the real world, if you couldn’t find a way out, you would likely be killed.

You could never pasts their tests. Never.

“Din, they’re gonna kill me.”

“Shut up,” he said firmly. It sounded like he was moving faster. “You’re not gonna die.”

His tone was unconvincing.

“Din,” you cried, tears staining the fabric covering your face, snot soaking through it. Panic was seeping itself into your bones. “Din, what do I do? What do I do?”

“You’ve gotta find a way out.”

“I can’t,” you wheezed, body sliding down the door and onto the floor, the alarms and the red overstimulating your every nerve. “I can’t Din. It’s so loud,”

“Please don’t cry,” you heard him whisper, “please don’t cry, Y/N.”

“Come and get me,” you begged, “Din, please come and get me.”

“The house is likely on total lockdown,” he said. “There’s no way for me to get in.”

This only made you sob harder.

“Please, Din,” you said through gasps of air, “please don’t leave me alone.”

“I won’t leave you alone,” he said. It sounded like he was running now. “Not ever, you understand me?”

You nodded, now plugging your ears, and closing your eyes, rocking yourself back and forth subconsciously.

“I’m going to get you out of there,” he said, his voice suddenly nasally. “I swear to the maker I’m going to get you out of there. I just need your help, okay?”

You tried your best to gather breath. “Okay. Okay.”

“Okay,” he said. “I need you to see if there are any windows in the room. Can you do that for me?”

You swallowed, standing on shaking legs, ears still plugged. You squinted as you walked slowly, finally reaching a wall. You then felt the wall with one hand and walked forward until you felt something that resembled glass.

“I-I found one.”

“Good,” he said, sounding peculiarly winded. “Now, I’m going to need you to break it.”

You sobbed once more. “How?”

“Anything. Shoot at it, throw things at it, the fucking music box for all I care. Anything.”

You swallowed again, breathing in as deep of a breath as you could, before pulling out your gun. You felt the glass once again, and slowly backed away from it. You continued to release faint cries as you did, holding up your gun with quivering fingers, before letting blasts fly.

You heard some cracks as they landed against the glass. Once you halted your firing, you made your way back over to it, and realized they weren’t nearly enough.

“I’m going to have to kick it,” you said, some semblance of power returning into your voice.

Din didn’t respond.

You backed away again, breaths still rapid and voice still raw. But you gave that piece of fucking glass your all.

Your foot went right through it, cutting shards into your calf and ankle.

You grunted, falling back into the room.

“You get it?” Din asked, panting.

“Yeah,” you said, clutching your leg. “Yeah, I got it.”

“Good. Now stand up.”

You did.

“Walk to the window.”

You did.

“And jump.”

“What?”

“Jump now.”

It was in that moment that you realized that you truly, unequivocally, deeply trusted the Mandalorian. Because you jumped into the dark, cold night, and he caught you, mid-air.

You gasped as you landed in his arms, watching as the ground beneath you whizzed by, eyelids pealed back in awe.

A smooth, gloved hand framed your cheek and pulled your vision upwards, locking it into his visor.

You stared at him, the remnants of tears against the cold wind freezing your face, and yet his hand was the true culprit of your goosebumps.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. The flames from his jet pack illuminating his armor in golds and reds.

You nodded. “I’m okay.”

He nodded, diverting his gaze to stare forward into the night, but keeping his hand pressed against your face.

You would say it was the shock, or the trauma, or the adrenaline pumping through your veins. In reality, all you wanted was comfort – his comfort. You couldn’t stop yourself.

You rested your forehead against the side of his visor and closed your eyes, scooting your body as close to his as possible as the two of you shot through the sky.

“Thank you, Din,” you said, tears escaping you once more. “Thank you.”

Din audibly swallowed, then removed his hand from your cheek and used it to remove your mask, before sliding his hand into the hair at the back of your neck.

“I swore to you I’d get you out of there,” he said, his voice crackly and weak. “I don’t break promises.”

You nodded against his visor, clutching desperately onto the fabric around his neck. He smelled of sweat, metal, and home.

“I’ve got you now,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.”

Tag list: (if you would like to be added please let me know!)

burned-dorito, @tiredbuthappyppy @em---r @just-a-sewer-goblinlin @punkiwiki @lovesbiggerthanprideerthanpride @darth-voder @samanthacookieone @torchbearerkylee @stardust-galaxies @c4psicle @joelsflannell @mysun-n-stars@tateelii @darth-voder @kirsteng42 @leithatnight @arson-tm @l0calgothh @thesmutslut @alastorhazbinbin @grincheveryday @reader8679 @cockscombkingdom

@lexloon @pauphs @enjoyyourlatttebitch

@miss-goldenweek

@darling-murdockk @1deadpool266 @queen-nothing-blogg @burnt-dorito @untitledareaa @julialoopeezz @daphne-turner @jediknightjanaa @sasakipspoststs

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avpdpossum · 9 months

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avoidance is so weird because it’s so temptingly easy to pretend it’s not there when it’s not at its absolute worst.

when i’m at my lowest, my avoidance becomes volatile and dangerous — it means almost daily mental breakdowns, it means probably wanting to hurt myself or worse, it’s means things are bad bad. but times like now? where i’m in a better place and i don’t have to interact with people often enough to trigger it too badly? it’s easy to pretend i’m fine.

and that’s not because i don’t have symptoms — there’s a big glaring reason i don’t have a job yet, that i stay in the house pretty much every day and (aside from the family i live with) only ever see my safe person, that there’s a million important doctor calls i haven’t made yet, that i have my name change papers all ready to go but haven’t changed any of my documents yet. the avoidance is obviously still there and still causing problems, and i know my life doesn’t look how it should.

but because it’s not destroying my default mental state right now, it feels like i’m lying to myself and i’m totally mentally healthy and i have nothing to worry about. and when i see my therapist, the way i describe things sounds like there’s nothing going wrong in my life because there’s no active bad shit, just a lot of things that aren’t happening. and how do you quantify the absence of something?

how do i explain that the problem isn’t that i’m unhappy, it’s not that there’s bad things to fix, it’s just that most of the time, there’s nothing at all? that i’m mostly happy because i don’t have much of a life right now, and if i were to get my life to a better place from a practical standpoint i would almost definitely be thrown back into a worse mental state?

i’m trying to find a balance that allows me to have a decent life and decent mental health, but god, it’s hard to do when it would be so much easier and less exhausting to just stay stagnant forever and hold onto the relative peace that comes with that.

#tbh the only thing stopping me from staying like this forever #is 1) i hate not having money to get little serotonin trinkets with and 2) i Cannot keep living with my parents long term #also yes hello im not dead and neither is this blog #poss.speaks #avpd #actually avpd #actually avoidant #avoidant pd #avoidant personality disorder #cluster c

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synnamonroll666 · 6 months

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Intoxicating Scent

Prompt 27: Breeding Pairing: Syzoth X Fem!Reader Description: Being in heat was difficult for Syzoth. Every three months, he would struggle to keep himself from tackling you 24/7. But he always managed to refrain from doing so. However, when you end up in heat at the exact same time, he loses all control... Warnings: HUGE Breeding Kink, Pregnancy Kink, Syzoth In Heat, Dirty Talk, P In V, Creampie, Talk Of Oviposition... Word Count: 1.2k Main MasterList: 🖤 Kinktober MasterList: 🖤 Synny's Angels: @lorebite, @mornandil, @queenkhepri, @bihansthot, and @mmeerraa.

⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒

When I wake from my slumber, I am drenched in sweat and my heart is racing. I swallow a few times, discovering that my throat is feeling sore and dry, like it hadn't seen water in days. It roars within me—my Zaterran instinct—demanding that I succumb to my desires.

Usually, this voice was redundant, constantly reminding me of the purpose of my reproductive system when I was in heat. But today, its whispers have become screams. Being in heat was hell, but this was something else—I had never experienced a feeling like this before. And when I am breathing deeply to catch my breath, I smell something—something that makes my blood boil with need.

I look to my side to see my lover lying naked between the sheets. She is fast asleep, exhausted from our activities earlier this night. She looks so pretty—the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I always found my mate attractive, but something about the way she looks now is just too addicting to pull my eyes away. I lean over her and inhale deeply to take in her scent, and it hits me: she's in heat too. She is at her most fertile at this moment, and my body is going absolutely crazy for it.

Both of us are in heat at the same time; the poor girl doesn't stand a chance.

My reptilian instincts kick in, and I nudge her neck with my nose—a small courting ritual Zaterrans do before breeding. I bury it just under her jawline and take a big sniff, letting her scent fill my lungs and intoxicate every corner of my feral mind. She wakes, her pretty eyes glancing up at me as the corners of her lips curl into a sweet and loving smile.

Luckily, it doesn't take long for her to figure out what I want, and I am relieved when she lays flat on her back and spreads her legs.

A low growl emits from somewhere within as I stare at her willing form. The rest was a blur. I don't remember ripping the bedsheets from her body or how they ended up in a torn-up mess on the floor—I don't remember how I ended up bending her so she was ass up in the air and her face was buried within our pillows.

All I remember is sinking my twitching, aching member into her core and sighing as her warmth finally cured the agony I had suffered from. But that moment of peace was merely the calm before the storm, because that primal voice within screams at me, ordering me to stuff her full of my seed. I have to get her pregnant.

I NEED to!

I pull out quickly, earning a soft whine of disappointment from her. But soon, those displeased sounds would be turned into moans of ecstasy when I would reenter with brutal force, my tip instantly bruising her cervix. I hold her down by the shoulders with one hand and hold her hips up against me with the other. I pound into her over and over, allowing her tight walls to milk me of everything I have.

I press my chest against her back, enjoying how her form trembles beneath me as I trap her between me and the mattress. She has no room to move—barely any room to even squirm like her body naturally desires to do in this state. I croon her name as the heat radiates off of her feverish flesh and warms me like a fire. I could stay buried within her for hours, siphoning that heat from her and basking in its company.

She whines and begs as I claim her—as my nails dig deeply into her flesh as my hips hastily snap back and forth furiously on a mission. Though her words fall on deaf ears, since I am too in my wild Zaterran nature to comprehend them. My throat grows more torrid by the second, and my tongue intuitively lashes out to lave her throat, flickering against her rapidly fluttering pulse to collect the droplets of sweat upon my pallet.

I can't hold back my moans, as it tastes sweeter than any drink I have ever consumed. It is like I have been stranded in a dry desert—dehydrated and dying from thirst—and she was the oasis that saved me from my fate. She is not only my goddess but also my savior.

Her trobbing core embraces my length tightly, suctioning on to it and pulling me back each time I begin to pull out. That is the only language I understand now. This shows me that she needs me just as much as I need her in this moment, and I am more than willing to provide for her what she so badly craves.

However, I am unable to fully focus on what she wants now, as my nature has me wanting one thing and one thing only—that one thing that I'll do anything to get, which is fill her with my children. I am already leaking within her, but it is not nearly enough. No, I won't be satisfied until her little belly expands with my seed, pearls of it dripping down her legs since she is too stuffed to contain it all. But I would make sure that she would take as much as she could.

"I'm going to fill you to the brim with my seed and make your stomach swell with my kin! I'm going to put a whole clutch within you and make you the mother of my children!" I growled deeply, my voice growing daunting as it now sounds more animalistic than anything, much like the voice I hear inside my head.

With each pump of my member into her soothing heat, that bubble of arousal grows larger, threatening to pop at any moment. And when it does, a feral roar tears from my throat as I release all of my semen into her gentle womb to coat its walls. I place my hand on her stomach, feeling it finally swell with my seed as I stuff her full. After my member showers her womb thoroughly, she collapses on the bed, rolling slightly onto her side since she is unable to lay face down now. Soon, I see why

As I rest on top of her, I look down at her now-inflated stomach. I gently brush a hand over the rounded flesh, and knowing it will soon grow even more as my seed develops into my offspring makes me smile. I feel my heart flutter as I imagine them fresh from their eggs—my little hatchlings will look so adorable. And their mother—she looks so beautiful right now, my heart can barely handle it. But... Something is still wrong.

She is not nearly swollen enough—she needs more. Instinctively, my hips retract and push back against hers once again. She responds with a tired whimper, but I ignore it, too distracted by my yearning desire to release yet another load into her already-overflowing womb to focus on anything else. I will not stop until I have emptied myself fully in her—I won't stop until she is filled completely with my young.

⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒⛥⭒

#mortal kombat 1 #mk1 #mortal kombat reptile #mk reptile #reptile #reptile x reader #mortal kombat syzoth #mk syzoth #syzoth #syzoth x reader #kinktober 2023 #SinnamonsSpicyFics

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chi-ow-hua · 2 months

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Medics are messy.

Or, well, the medics themselves probably shouldn't be too messy, considering they are sometimes the only thing standing between a gruesome wound and Thanatos himself. Although medics probably shouldn't perform surgery while wearing flip flops, either, so maybe that's not saying too much.

But regardless of appropriate footwear (or lack thereof), the profession itself is messy. Blood. Muscles. Organs. Bones. You name it - Will has seen and touched it all.

He can vaguely remember being a bit grossed out, in the beginning. He supposes that would be the natural human reaction when confronted with gore. Especially of the real variety. He's grown out of it, though. Plus the perks that come with his position are nothing to sneeze at.

Nico teases him for not liking horror movies, but the truth is that to Will they are just incredibly mind-numbingly boring. It doesn't matter how realistic the wounds or special effects look - hell, they could cut open a real human being and the injury still wouldn't faze him, no matter how gruesome. Because for Will, the worst part isn't the visual. That one he got used to pretty quickly, considering. It's everything else. It's the smell, putrid and overwhelming and always so horribly nauseating he swears he can taste it. It's the sound, failing organs frantically trying to fulfill their purpose in a desperate cacophany the movies can never get quite right (if they even remember to try.) It's the revolting knowledge that what you are feeling does not belong outside of a body, that it shouldn't be able to be felt like that.

They watch a bunch of horror movies anyway, because Nico knows how to press his buttons and manages to bait him into it every single fucking time.

("Please", Nico had whined in a tone he'd never dare use outside of his cabin. Maybe Will's shamelessness is contagious. Or maybe Nico knows that, without witnesses, nobody will ever believe him. "It's for the aesthetic".

Will had felt his lips contorting into a smile, even as he'd tried to keep on his mask of fake indignation. 'Aesthetic' is one of Nico's favorite words, along with 'vibe' and 'rancid'. Will kind of loves that he knows that. Nico can be as cool and badass as he wants, doesn't change the fact that he's an absolute dork as well.

"Come on, you know you're gonna give in anyways" And then, because the little shit knows what he is doing, he'd winked. And, well. Will is not too proud to admit that he is an absolute sucker for brown eyes. Especially these ones.)

He should probably be embarrassed about how easy he is, to be honest. But things like shame or propriety or even self-respect kind of go down the drain when you are perpetually exhausted and have seen basically the entirety of Camp in various states of undress. He used to think that that was the reason naked bodies didn't seem to have the same effect on him as on other people, but then the Michael-thing-that-shan't-be-mentioned happened and. Well. Let's just say Will is very aware that being a medic and having an active sex life are not mutually exclusive. Their father's slutty tendencies have been inherited by quite a lot of his half-siblings, as it turns out.

Besides, even if the movie itself is boring, Nico's reactions are hilarious. The jumpscares always get him, even if the fucker tries to deny it. And when a movie manages to really grip him, Nico will make sure to keep Will just slightly behind him. Will isn't sure whether that is a voluntary action or just instinct, but it always makes him swoon all the same. Nico is probably aware of it, freakishly observant as he is, but he never mentions it, so neither does Will. Gods forbid Nico stop doing it - that boy is jumpy even outside of shitty movies.

#okay hear me out #nico is always fighting in the thick of battle (esp bc hes a child of the big three) so he had to teach himself to be alert at all times #meaning he is one jumpy dude #horror movies are a safe (and not physically taxing/exhausting) way to indulge in this anxiety a bit #plus they fit with his aesthetic as a child of hades tm #will on the other hand?#dude is a medic. a combat medic. people come to him with half their organs outside their bodies and he has to stay calm #what i mean is that this guy is not phazed by anything.#do you see where i am coming from. it makes sense in my head ok #also slowly turning all pjo characters aspec hehehehe #ace will #will solace #nico di angelo #solangelo

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br-uwu-cewayne · 2 years

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ID in Alt

An all-hands-on-deck, every-last-second-counts, season-finale-level emergency situation has the good commissioner rushing to the scene straight from his bed. Sparing only enough time to shove his bare feet into his work boots (he HAS seen Die Hard, after all. In a true emergency, a shirt and pants are negotiable to shave a little off the clock, but there is always time for shoes), he barely considers his state of undress as he hops up on the nearest squad car and starts barking orders into the radio and to those gathered around.

After all, why would he care? Why would anyone care? Oh sure, it’s bound to be a humorous enough spectacle, the city’s police commissioner so drastically out of uniform, but an emergency is an emergency. Lives are stake here. Surely, given the situation, no one’s gonna spare him any attention past the first chuckle.

Now, if he were back in his prime? That’d be different, sure. He’d probably show a bit more modesty, knowing that the eyes on him would be more appraising than just merely attentive. But Jim’s long past that now, and highly doubts that an exhausted divorced father of two workaholic pushing fifty doing his best to wrangle back control of yet another active Wayne Hostage Situation in a pair of joke boxers he got for his birthday is going to get anyone’s motor running.

At least… he doubts it until the next morning, when he fetches his newspaper amidst the unusual sounds of neighborly whistling and catcalling, and sees the “GCP-DILF” headline the Herald has decided to run today.

“Karmic. Retribution.” Dick shows Barbara no pity at lunch, patronizingly patting her shoulder as she stares, horrified, at Twitter’s trending page. “You’ve had it too good for too long, making all those jokes about our very real and genuine pain. But now you understand. Now you know. What it’s like to have the entire city thirsting over your dad.”

“I take it back,” comes her hoarse whisper, the warbling tone shaking with stunned disbelief. “I take it all back.”

“Too late for that now, Babs.” The original twitter article has now made it to 69k likes. Like a greek chorus mocking her tragedy, the thread bursts into a refrain of [Nice.] [Nice!] [nice] [Nice] [NICE] [nice!] “…too late for that now.”

Haven’t been able to stop thinking about this post ever since I made it. I am sorry, and you’re welcome.

(yes I forgot the gun belt, no I did not realize until I had already finalized and posted, absolutely I am claiming “artistic liberty” about my own damn post T.T)

#gcpdilf #jim gordon #commissioner gordon #James Gordon #Batman #my art tag

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tiger-moran · 5 months

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I'm still tired of Moriarty (and Adler too to be honest) being used as some sort of 'archetype' where you've got to have your Holmes character, your Watson character, your Lestrade or occasionally some other main police inspector character, your Adler character, and then your Moriarty character. But very often Moriarty (and Adler too) will be the most unrecognisable out of all of them.

It's like I've said before but pretty much nobody cares about it when I say it Moriarty is not the 'most evil person ever' or an actual 'supervillain' or something and he's not even the worst villain in canon, other canonical villains do much worse things than he does. I have said all of this often in much more depth in my essay, but he's just been hyped up into this 'Holmes's Nemesis' thing which means of course basically everything he is and does has to revolve around Holmes apparently. But he wasn't even just that in the canon? Even when ACD literally just created him to try to kill Holmes off he wasn't even that or just that? Even Arthur Conan 'I have no fucks to give about these stories any more' Doyle gave Moriarty a lot more depth than just him being an 'Evil Villain' and he certainly didn't make him so that his every single thought and action involved Holmes. And yet that's essentially the only way Moriarty ever seems to be defined or portrayed now.

Look I'm not saying every detail that is there about him in the canon has to be strictly adhered to because it doesn't and frankly some of it is best ignored entirely because some of it's based in nonsense like phrenology or physiognomy and also some of it definitely sounds like Holmes's exhaustion/paranoia/drug induced hallucinations whereby he sees Moriarty as some sort of monster not as a person.

But I'm tired of almost everything with a Sherlock Holmes character having to have a 'Moriarty' but then pretty much the only thing that makes it Moriarty (supposedly) is 'this character is a Big Bad villain who goes against and is probably weirdly obsessed with Holmes'. Almost every single other thing gets erased or changed (even right down to his name more than once), and I just... do not see the appeal or the point of creating what's basically a completely original character then slapping the name Moriarty on it.

Often it used to be basically... let's make this guy absolutely depraved, the Absolute Worst Person Ever. And they'd tack the name Professor Moriarty on him and that was it, that was supposed to make me buy that that really is Moriarty.

Now it's more like... let's change practically every detail about this character so it's basically a totally unrecognisable original character. But then I'm still supposed to a/ accept and see this as Moriarty somehow because the character is obsessed with the Holmes character and going against him and... that's about it usually and b/ automatically love this character just because it's supposedly still Moriarty and c/ get really excited about the idea of even more adaptations doing this same sort of thing often as well? When... no? I don't see that as Moriarty any more than I see the 'depraved and nothing else' character as Moriarty? And I don't love these characters, in fact mostly I don't even like them and usually I will actively hate them? Especially when they manage to screw over Adler's character at the same time as doing this with Moriarty. And I am never going to get excited about the prospect of any more versions like this, in fact I'm at the point where I now actively dread any more of them popping up.

And it especially sucks how often erasing or changing almost every detail about Moriarty involves erasing or demeaning Moran as well as Moriarty's relationship with Moran. 'Moriarty' usually ends up obsessing one way or another over Holmes and either his relationship with Moran doesn't exist at all (which means sometimes Moran doesn't exist at all), or it's a relationship without any closeness, without any trust, without any real respect, yet it was ACD who put the basis of the idea that Moran is a mirror to Watson and the Moriarty and Moran relationship is a mirror of the Holmes and Watson relationship there, that idea comes from the canon, the few of us in the fandom who actually care about the characters and the relationship did not just invent that out of thin air.

Though in fact even older versions which are generally canonically pretty faithful still demeaned the relationship, they still relegated Moran to being unimportant to Moriarty. I mean even Granada kind of did all of this - they expanded on Moriarty in some ways but then really didn't do a lot to expand on him beyond him being the Big Bad Villain who exists only to commit crime and has no other interests at all apparently and he rivals Holmes and that's it, and they didn't do anything with Moriarty and Moran together, which they could have easily done when they seemed to have no issue putting Moriarty into a story he canonically wasn't in. And the Bert Coules' Final/Empty radio adaptations certainly did this - Moriarty's actions all seem to revolve around Holmes in that; Moran is relegated to just one of many people who work for him; all of the things that could have implied closeness between him and Moriarty were cut out completely.

And mostly really I'm sick of these radically different versions being all lumped together with the few I care about and being treated as interchangeable with them when most of those versions have no relevance whatsoever to me, and then people going on and on about some version in which I can see pretty much precisely nothing of Moriarty (i.e. the character I love so much) and how that's apparently the ~superior~ version.

Sorry but where the hell is my middle-aged maths professor who probably also likes art and who is a good teacher and has other interests and, you know, a whole life that doesn't actually revolve around Holmes, and his devoted bosom friend Moran? Because we've had hundreds if not thousands of these supposed 'Moriartys' by now in adaptations and non-canonical texts. And yet I've had that about the grand total of 1 (one) time.

#James Moriarty #Professor Moriarty #Sherlock Holmes #Sebastian Moran #Sherlock Holmes canon #Sir Arthur Conan Doyle #Irene Adler

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mooremars · 8 months

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Camelot 2023 Act 2 ramblings about the music and book and also the visuals again because turns out one post wasn't enough.

I still cannot possibly recommend anyone actually read this because it is so absurdly, comically long but I still needed to get even more feelings out.

Act 2, Scene 1: The castle courtyard one year later:

• "We shouldn't be alone together" like girl

• I love how she's almost exasperated by it

• When she fantasized about this all-consuming high-stakes love she probably didn't think about how exhausting it would be to actually live with it all the time

• Like having this conversation every single month does sound exhausting

• The way she's actively trying to drive him out of Camelot, Genny is so much and I respect it

• She's really doing her best in a way that involves truly torturing Lance, he should really do some soul searching about why he loves someone who treats him this way

• "I've trained dogs to chase you"/"And those dogs were fast.. the expression his bark is worse than his bite that wasn't my experience"

• Sorkin slightly breaking the tension of this scene which is so needed

• "You're not English"/"Neither are you"/"I think that changed when I became queen of England"

• I also feel like there is a lot to unpack in this exchange

• "And when would I do that Genny?"

• The angst in that delivery

• If Ever I Should Leave You is so gorgeous

• I think it was Sorkin who basically said that the show doesn't need magic because the songs provide enough magic on their own and this is the perfect example

• Jordan Donica is tremendous

• I knew him from Charmed and it took me a bit to place him but holy shit

• I may have actually seen him before, I'd have to check but regardless I need to be paying attention to literally any theater he does because I want to go

• This applies to all of them, who am I kidding

• Anyway, he's amazing here and I am probably underselling him in this post because I only saw him half the times and so my memories are much less clear

• And my reference is closing which was not him by this point

• And the outro music (? sorry I know nothing about music) is absolutely stunning

• This song is so romantic but also very shallow

• They're fulfilling a version of love that is all big gestures and big feelings but not necessarily substance

• Because they're trying to fill a void in themselves using the other and when you do that, you can't see the person as an actual person

• Just an extension of your unmet need

• Which is too bad because I think if they weren't, they might actually like each other

• But fuck is this song so romantic

• Every lyric is good, the way they're sung, I think I may for the first time have use of the phrase swoon worthy

• Specifically the end

• "I have a thrilling engagement. I'm giving prizes at the potato show. I'm eager to find out what the qualities of a prize winning potato are"/"I'll be at your side Ma'am"/"Thank goodness for that, those potatoes can be dangerous"

• The lines are so funny and her delivery is so heartbreaking, I am suffering

• I do just love Genny so much and she deserves happiness dammit

• "So the rumors are true, the chain of wedlock is so heavy in Camelot it takes three to carry it"

• Mordred coming out with the one liners immediately

• "He's willing to make any old man a knight I see"

• Pelli immediately threatening violence, beautiful

• The whininess of "I shall be busy tomorrow afternoon" and slapping the bench

• Fourteen year old edgelord Mordred

• Very interesting to have him be a year younger than Arthur was when he became king, really underscoring how young he was

• "I was raising by a mother with a fatally broken heart. Makes for a dark childhood"

• Like do we think Mordred is just trying to drum up Arthur's sympathies or is this actually true?

• "And when you speak to the king, you should remember you're speaking to the king"

• Arthur literally never insists on any manner of kingly respect but his son is a little shit that he hates, so he will

• Love that

• "Dispatch to the court, the king has a child he fathered out of wedlock. Problem solved."

• The blackmail just instantly failing is very funny

• Also would love to know how the conversation about this between Genny and Arthur went

• "I'm not ashamed of you. You don't embarass me though it's not for lack of trying."

• That's too generous, Mordred is embarrassing

• "It's always been my wish that you and your mother stay here where I can take care of you both"/"Stay where, in the servants' quarters?"/"In any quarters you like"/"Except the queen's"

• I wonder if Mordred is the one who feels this way or if he's just parroting back what Morgan has said

• "I was a boy when I met your mother"/"And my mother turned you into a man"/"A man named Merlyn turned me into a man"/"That's a new bit of palace gossip"/"No you idiot, he was my teacher"

• Obviously sarcastic Arthur is always a treat and specifically the facial expression and tone of no you idiot

• But just so curious about Morgan and Arthur because Arthur gets pissed at that whole turned into a man bit

• And he has been pretty chill with Mordred being terrible for this whole scene

• He's very much not comfortable with what Mordred is saying and this is the only moment where Mordred gets under his skin and like that is very interesting

• "In this place the law applies equally to everyone"/"Even the king and queen?"/"Especially the king and queen"

• You are literally watching the light bulb pop over Mordred's head and it's played perfectly

• Everyone in this cast is perfect

• The Seven Deadly Virtues has no right to be this funny

• "Making my Beelzebubble burst" is my favorite but really this entire song is great

• It's such a petulant performance and it's perfect

Act 2, Scene 2: The King's study

• Another amazing bit of scene change music

• The intimacy of them spending their evening playing chess together and talking

• Presumably this is just what they do on a lot of nights and I love it

• I feel like there's definitely potential in a their relationship through chess fic

• Someone please

• I firmly believe they are at like a full 50-50 split in terms of who wins

• "Are you really reading while you're chasing me around the board?"/"Sorry I didn't hear you, I was reading and chasing you around the board"

• And his okay in the middle like he knows he set himself up to get mocked

• Making fun of each other is one of my favorite love languages

• Also same structure as Arthur telling her it will seem that she's rooting for Lancelot to lose and she says that's because she is rooting for Lancelot to lose

• It's just a fun little dialouge thing that I enjoy Genny doing

• Makes her lines feel hers

• I love that Arthur has Merlyn's final warning on his mind so naturally he consults Genny

• And then it devolving into a philosophical discussion about what is and is not possible

• "I was 10,000th person to try, how do you explain that?"/"9,999 people loosened it"

• A perfect and funny line that becomes sweet and profound later on, I will never not love that

• "We have greatness in our grasp, humanity does, but for some reason every time we see it we assign the responsibility to some supernatural force. Or to god."

• You would think given the structure of the love triangle that Arthur would be set up to scoff at the idea that god has responsibility for human greatness in contrast to Lance being extremely devout

• And like I do think Arthur and Genny are actually on the same page but I enjoy that she gets to voice that thought

• This is the woman who first ran away and then threw prayer on top after as a little afterthought so yeah perhaps Genny is not the best catholic

• "Perhaps when he died, his soul transmogrified-"/"What did I just say?"

• Arthur immediately needling her and doing that stupid little hand motion on transmogrified

• They're adorable

• "I enjoy seeing you get riled up"

• This is what you say to a woman you're about to call your business partner? In that way?

• I don't know who to blame because I can't tell if the line or delivery is more of the culprit

• No it's the delivery, I have literally put in the audio as proof

• The audacity, I'm obsessed

• He's got it so bad

• Could've had this Genny

• Like Mr. Purity of Soul who thinks women can't possibly understand politics has absolutely never considered the concept of female pleasure, for sure has never heard of foreplay, and definitely believes the clit and g-spot are both myths

• I love Lance but proposition: there's no way that man is good in bed

• Everything else mean I've said about Lance has been out of love but I love Genny and she doesn't deserve mediocre dick

• And yet he's playing by Jordan Donica so it is also valid and understandable

• Sorry, I digress but gotta find the humor in the whole none of them get to be happy business

• But actually I really appreciate that even in this tragic narrative with big ideas and a lot of angst, they get to have fun and be fun

• Even as their relationship is about to hit its breaking point, you can still tell they're not just torturedly in love but they actually like each other so much

• "And while you're enjoying it, let me ask you this... how often do you write to her?"

• Genny is attempting to play it cool but boy is she not

• The little pause between often and write and then to her, oof

• It's so soft but like the hint is there

• The silence while Arthur makes his move on the board, ugh

• "I send a letter a week"/"Every week?"/"Yes"/"For how long?"/"Mordred's fourteen, he came to me when he was ten so four years"/"That's 208 letters"/"I have a responsibility there, I'm trying to do-"/"Do the chivalrous thing"/"Yes"

• It's so painful to hear their deliveries and realize they're having two separate conversations where they're both upset and they don't understand the other person is feeling the same

• Like Genny getting alarmed at 208 letters, Arthur getting frustrated and defensive about it and cutting Genny's last line off, and then Genny delivery of do the chivalrous thing like she's so tired

• It is so besides the point but how exactly was Arthur expecting the fucking soap opera and/or sitcom situation he's trying to create going

• Like his piece of shit kid, his ex who hates him, his wife that he loves whose feelings for him he doesn't have a handle on, and his bestie whose feelings for his wife Arthur definitely does know

• I know castles are very big but I don't think they're big enough to make that situation good for anyone

• "You've never asked me her name"/"Is it Morgan Le Fay?"/"How did you know that?"/"And she's a scientist"

• Genny has been holding this in for a whole year and she's finally ready to use it

• She says it like she's caught Arthur in some kind of lie which obviously she hasn't but I do wonder if she's had this conversation in her head enough times that she's already thinking the worst

• "He blames me for her condition. All the more reason why I want them both to be here at the castle. She needs care."

• That long pause before condition and the way he says it like maybe Arthur also blames himself

• And they're still playing chess throughout this whole thing as if they can pretend that this conversation isn't causing them both pain

• The sound of the pieces getting moved on the board while during the tense silences, yes

• And now we get to me being emotionally destroyed

• This scene is a roller coaster and the writing and acting of it is perfect in every way

• "We're more than king and queen, you and I. Don't you think?"

• He's so unsure, he's always so unsure it is torture

• The emphasis on you

• But also he does in some way recognize that she's upset about Morgan and he gets so close but spectacularly fails

• Genny is so hopeful on the "Yes, yes I do"

• Him stammering out and Genny trying one more yes to get him to come up with something

• And then that something is business partners

• In my brain I am screaming

• I have done nothing but make fun of Arthur for business partners (and friends) since I first saw this show and I will continue to do it now

• However I do think that for him, in the context of his experience being thrust into royalty, he is actually expressing a very romantic sentiment

• He meets Genny and tells her about Camelot and she doesn't think she's worthy of that

• But here he's affirming that she is, that she's his partner in this and he recognizes her worth

• They talk in the second scene and she mentions that as a princess she doesn't have friends

• And here he's telling her that they are friends, that she isn't alone

• And we see how uncomfortable Arthur is being treated as the king

• And he's trying to tell Genny that he cares for her as a person and not just the queen he traded for in a treaty

• He wants her to see him that way because if she sees him as just Arthur and not the king, then maybe he can tell her how he feels

• But also maybe it you are a man and your confession of love to a woman contains the words "I know this is an unusual thing for a man to say about a woman but" you have turned down the wrong path

• "Yes. Friends. And business partners"

• Her delivery is so ice cold, it's perfect

• The fact that she says this and even Arthur picks up on her tone and knows he fucked up

• Arthur trying to fix things and being interrupted

• His frustration with himself is so heartbreaking

• I am still screaming in my brain just louder now

• Pelli is great but also he is the cause of so many of Arthur and Genny's resentments and miscommunications, the man's a magnet for drama

• He's so funny in this scene trying to complain to Arthur and Arthur already knowing all of Mordred's bullshit

• And yelling dammit so many times in the most perfect way like me with every person who has ever annoyed me

• "Because England doesn't have a law against limericks"

• The fact that even though they're in the middle of this weird emotional mess, Arthur looks to Genny when he's talking about how Pelli's question is complicated

• His thinking buddy

• And business partner

• Also the idea that Arthur is so chill with the fact that he doesn't have the answer, that he's laying groundwork for future progress instead of assuming it will be accomplished by him

• Which is just inherently a concept I think I struggle with, that the world will not change in all the ways it should in my lifetime but the work now still has to be done

• So I like to see it

• Not going to write out another good Sorkin speech about ideas but I love this one too rest assured

• And we've had a nice little break, now we're back to chess and Arthur trying to force out something coherent and me screaming in my brain again

• I still can't get over the way they're still playing chess I'm sorry

• Genny saying "you're in check" with a different delivery every time to convey her emotional state

• The range

• Arthur just trying so hard to come up with anything again, I am personally suffering

• "What I feel-"/"I thought it was right on the money"/"Oh you do?"

• Then I think he says "oh okay" but I don't even know

• They were so close this is the worst

• Still chess

• "Do you regret being born a princess?"/"I'm confident that most people would gladly trade their problems for mine"/"But you're not talking to them right now"

• Firstly the show does an amazing job recontexualizing What Do the Simple Folk Do and everything around it so A+ for that

• But also Arthur is so empathetic in this moment

• "I know you're sad sometimes. That you miss whatever life you were searching for the night you ran from the carriage. The simple joys of maidenhood you called it. You do a good job of hiding it from the court but when you feel sad you-"/"can talk to my business partner?"/"Well I think I might be good at cheering you up"

• The delivery is so sincere

• He sees her pain and he cares so much

• He feels responsible for the life that she missed out on by marrying him

• And he wants to help

• In many ways, he is terrible at expressing his feelings but again in some small respects, he does absolutely knock it out of the park

• Even if Genny can't see it

• "If there was a tournament for cheering you up, I think I'd win"/"Oh as long as there wasn't a bird nearby"/"It wasn't just any bird, it was a white tailed eagle both times"

• The way they move from emotional conversations and annoyed miscommunications back to humor with such ease

• Arthur's bird obsession continues to be one of the best bits of characterization ever

• Genny making fun of Arthur's various words for peasants

• I love What Do the Simple Folk Do so much

• It's just perfectly constructed and the rhymes are pretty genius

• I love every single lyric

• And I love that this song gives Arthur and Genny a chance to be charming and reconnect after the second half of act 1 and the beginning of act 2 were so focused on Genny and Lance

• And then this scene has so much going on that it reminds you why they're the couple of the show

• I didn't need reminding because I'm trash for them but other people might

• All of the little jokes between the lyrics are so funny

• The delivery of "the very last thing you should have is encouragement" is so much funnier than on the cast recording

• Like what is this? So charming

• "My father used to say I sang like an angel who'd been blessed with a particularly pretty singing voice"

• I'm so glad this is at least on the cast recording

• She plays it so straight, it's so good

• This may be my favorite of the songs

• And the dance, they're so cute, the squeeling kills me

• I can't adequately express how much I need to find a bootleg so I can witness this again, the whole scene really but mostly this

• I cannot handle the way they say "Genny"/"Your Majesty"

• Fuuuuck

• The groan in the audience at "a letter from my mother", the pure expression of fuck Mordred

• "He's been waiting a long time."/"Yes"/"My mother was his first, you know"/"I had that sense, yes"/"They say you never fully get over your first love"

• Genny hates Mordred so much and she's right

• He's hitting her exactly where it hurts but Arthur can't even tell

• Also fascinating that Mordred can actually see the dynamic between Genny and Arthur and Lance so much more clearly than the people involved

• "You think you might possibly be spending the night?"

• Like her deliveries were getting more panicked but then this one

• Like she can't even believe what she's hearing and he doesn't even get it

• The long silence after Mordred says Lance has the queen's protection detail

• As people make mmms in the audience

• And then their last little exchange

• Ouch

• Genny telling Arthur what she herself actually needs to be told and Arthur having no clue

• "His queen's in danger"

• Mordred is the absolute worst and it's perfect

• The reprise of the Simple Joys of Maidenhood, so sad and I can't handle it

• I think this is her moment of just fully sitting in the idea that her husband doesn't love her and sees her so completely separate from that that he doesn't even understand why she's so upset to see him dash away overnight to see another woman

• And that he therefore doesn't and won't love her in the way she's singing about

• And thinking that she has the knight pining for her but it isn't enough and sets up her trying to make it enough

• She's grown so much since she first sang the song but she still can't fill the void of wanting this kind of love

• But also knowing that kind of love isn't enough

• I love her

Act 2, Scene 3: The home of Morgan Le Fey/Guenevere's Chamber/ Castle corridor - on that evening

• The into music to Morgan is gorgeous, perhaps my favorite

• It's hard to introduce an important character this late into the show and make them so memorable, even if they've been hanging over the narrative for a while now

• And still have them knock it out of the park but once again, this show is perfectly cast

• The tension of this whole scene is everything

• Morgan's laugh and then "Jesus christ it's the king of England"

• Immediately sets her up perfectly

• And we get something totally different out of Arthur

• I love their dialouge which I am once again trying not to just fully write out, I love their chemistry, I love how quickly their friendliness breaks down

• He does sound genuinely happy to see her at the beginning but as soon as he asks if she's feeling well, they start to cool

• I can't even pick specific lines because everything is such a vibe

• You feel the history and complication and the years apart where everything has changed for both of them and the way that she's the one person who knew him as just Arthur

• "I know exactly who you are"

• Like of course this one was gonna have a line reading that lends itself to multiple things but that's always good and I like it

• Genny ranting to Lance about the number of letters Arthur wrote to Morgan

• She finally gets to be pissed and Phillipa Soo plays it so well

• "Don't review my arithmetic in your head, it's 208"

• Even at her most angry, she still must make sure Lance knows she's right, very relatable

• "I questioned the king, we've all questioned the king"

• This adaptation has built in the knights discontent so well that it's believable that they've just been growing more resentful over time

• "Because one cannot legislate goodness Pellinore, which at the end of the day, is the mission of the round table"/"And what say you Sagramore?"/"Well tell me, when we're all equal will peasants live like knights or will knights live like peasants?"

• Their entire speech is amazing

• The knights growing angrier as they realize they're all on the same page

• The way that it all fits seamlessly into the story we see on the stage but there's also no denying it's about the time we're living in right now

• But again, not in a way where it feels out of nowhere or too heavy handed

• "I throw away the letters, I give away the money"

• I love the way she delivers her lines so dismissively

• I wonder how much of it is her feelings and how much of it is trying to hurt Arthur as much as he's hurt her

• "That part gets left out of the legend" I think is the first moment where Arthur gets under Morgan's skin just a bit

• Like I'm not sure what she wants/wanted from Arthur but maybe it was just that she doesn't like being erased from the story

• "What wife could possibly object?"

• I love her bitterness mounting leading up to this line and actually hearing her call herself Arthur's wife which is I don't think is something she does before

• "I admire the king's commitment to doing the right thing no matter what. That's what a man does, and god knows it should be what a king does."

• I love watching Genny justify her anger because on one level she knows it isn't fair to be angry

• That she really does admire Arthur's goodness and believes he's doing the right thing

• That it's not that he's going to see Morgan, that he wants to bring her to the castle, it's about his actions with Genny

• Or I suppose the lack of consideration of her feelings in maybe the most hurtful way where there was nothing deliberate, it just didn't even occur to him

• She's so hurt

• Everyone in this scene gets to be extremely mad and I love it

• "When he ran out of here, he didn't think it would trouble me at all. He didn't think the letters would mean anything to me. Or staying overnight. Mordred said his mother was his first true love. Business partner. He said it right in front of me as if I wouldn't mind"/"Do you?"/"No, of course not. It's just that it was the first time that it's been demonstrated to me that-"/"Your husband doesn't think of you as his wife"/"Yes"

• Everything is on her face and in her voice

• She's so hurt, so angry, so tired of not being loved

• And when she says of course it doesn't bother her, when she pulls back her feelings in front of Lance

• And her delivery of yes like something clicks in her brain, probably their entire relationship is flashing in her brain and she's building up evidence that it's true

• Lance has articulated exactly what she didn't know she was feeling

• And the music under it underscores each emotion perfectly

• Again Phillipa Soo is just emotionally devastating in this scene

• But also gotta go back to "Your husband doesn't think of you as his wife"

• Like right now I'm just thinking back to Arthur referring to Genny as French to Lance when they first meet and again when he asks her to tell Lance he's being invested

• While Genny in that scene and in the first scene of act 2 keeps referring to her country as England while Lance claims her as French like him

• I wonder if that distinction is one of the things that feeds into her (and Lance?) feeling like Arthur doesn't think of her as his wife

• That she's trying to keep proclaiming her loyalty and he keeps putting a border between them

• At least in her point of view

• While he's as always trying to show her that he sees and respects her as an autonomous individual and not a thing he owns

• Am I reading too far into this? Probably

• (You're not my homeland anymore, so what am I defending now - honestly that it took me this long to make a Taylor Swift reference is a marvel)

• Anyway back to this tremendous scene

• Part of me does wonder if Lance really doesn't know how Arthur feels or if he's in denial because it's easier for him if Arthur doesn't think of Genny as his wife

• Like he does make a point to tell Arthur in the last scene that he and Genny aren't together

• He's gotta realize in this scene how Genny feels about Arthur but curious about the other way around

• Or ya know, maybe he doesn't, maybe he's just as emotionally inept as everyone else in this show

• Don't really have a point, it's just an interesting thought

• How do so many versions cut Fie on Goodness?

• Like not only is it an amazing song but also it's sort of the whole damn point

• If you cut it, the ideals of Camelot are barely even a plot, it's all love triangle

• Also just want to take a moment to appreciate how gross the lyrics to this one are

• This is for sure my favorite sequence

• The intro speech to the song is perfect

• Them just getting worked up about how England is special, it is better, that they're the ones who should be listened to

• "Don't dare question our loyalty to the king"/"A king who encourages debate"

• Again I just love the knights' conflicted feelings about Arthur

• So it's easiest to shift all the blame to Genny and Lance

• This song is so good, this cast is so good

• "That day that I became king, my cousin gave me his tutor, a man named Merlyn. And Merlyn spoke to me of a great cause that I could lead. But I would have to stay unmarried until a young princess in France came of age"/"And you left me unmarriable, a woman with a child"/"I didn't know about the child until he came and introduced himself"/"You raise your voice to me? Have I displeased you your majesty?"/"Stop calling me that"/"I know all about the French princess-"/"The queen"/"and the grand cause-"/"great cause"/"I don't give a damn"

• This is a stupid amount of text that I've typed out but I love their back and forth here

• Arthur trying to justify himself and not wanting to take responsibility and them both getting angry at each other

• Morgan and her relationship with Arthur have been changed pretty drastically to the point that she's not even the same character and I like it and her so much

• I do wonder what the intent was here because I feel like you could read a lot of different things into their dynamic

• And to what that means about Arthur

• I mean I get the sense that she's maybe always been maybe a bit of an outsider, maybe always was a little more world-weary (or maybe not, maybe getting left pregnant while he became king hardened her)

• And maybe their power dynamic has been completely flipped but also maybe Arthur still has a hard time not letting it flip back

• Because like there's no doubt for me that for whatever reason, she was the one holding the cards originally and he doesn't know how to deal with her now

• Like I don't know if she's older or Arthur was always bad at love so she would have just been the more confident person but there's something there

• She obviously has a completely different point of view than anyone else in the show which I love

• And she gets under Arthur's skin so easily

• I guess because she's the one casuality of his great cause, the one wrong he can't right

• Also "stop calling me that" is so petulant teen

• And he was that when he knew her so of course it comes out

• "You seem quick to betray the king"/"I would die before I betrayed King Arthur"/"Yet here you are"/"I can't rise above being a man, a human man. I can't transcend it no matter how hard I try"

• My favorite Lance line

• Ugh it's perfect

• He's so tortured and so good at conveying that in his delivery

• He's getting some character growth

• Genny being both not wrong but also putting it on him so she doesn't have to think about her own behavior

• "My duty is to god, King Arthur, and the round table. I can best serve all three with my absence. It's a small price for one person to pay for a greater good"

• Ooh the self-loathing hits so good

• And Genny panicking because she's about to get left for the second time tonight

• The playing of If Ever I Would Leave You

• Because he is, or he's at least trying to

• To do the right thing

• Genny and Lance speaking French together, always good even thought I can't understand shit

• "No more talking"

• And the bed just being pulled out of the scene

• I just love how the song is interspersed with these scenes, this sequence is truly brilliant and the energy of it in the theater is truly unmatched

• "All the letters that followed-"/"All the letters that followed offered me room and board along with the cash. Imagine how moved I was by the chivalry"

• Ah mocking chivalry, a family pastime

• Again, I just love the way she goes in on Arthur's attempts to do the right thing over and over

• And again I don't know if it's because he wouldn't give her what she actually wanted or pure vengence

• "Guilty and alive once more" is probably my favorite line from the song

• "Let me ask you this question and I'm entitled to the truth. If there hadn't been a cause, a great case, would you have married me? No."/"I was fifteen years old that night and the next day I was king. I was anointed by the archbishop of Canterbury in York and those men think they put me in direct contact with the divine. There was a cause."

• Clearly in her mind he was never going to marry her but we know from Pelli that when he met Arthur when he was already king, he was still very much in love with Morgan

• More than 10 years (plus then a year that's passed in story) before this could be lots of different amounts of time but it could have been up to a few years into Arthur being king which is a long while

• So the answer was probably yes

• But he doesn't say any of that because his feelings don't matter, he's too focused on justifying his cause, that it was important enough to make up for her life

• And ya know Camelot is what's important now, Camelot is what he and Genny have devoted their lives to, he can't fail

• This is the scene where I just conspiracy board Genny and Arthur's relationship

• This is fine, I'm normal about this show, that's why I wrote all of this

• Either way I think it must really bother Athur that Morgan might think he's not a good man

• We saw it with Genny and the courtesans thing too

• Like obviously part of that was being in love with her but also I think it fucks with his self-image as a person who does the right thing which is his entire life

• And Morgan's the biggest crack in that in his mind which is why he gets angry pretty much constantly in this scene

• At least that's my theory

• I love that we get see him cracking a bit under the strain of being good and trying to rise above being a human being just like everyone else in this scene

• He's got a lot more moral fortitude than the rest of the characters so it just manifests as him getting to be angry and express it to another person for once but still

• He makes excuses, he gets mad, he won't accept that Morgan's version of events is also true and he can't force her to be okay with it

• I don't know, there's something nice about narrative not saying that making the choices of the knights or Genny and Lance is inevitable, Arthur does make the right choices but he still isn't perfect here

• "And I won't live in a spare room in a castle and be the used and discarded former mistress of a king... but I will be the mother of one"

• So like how much of Mordred's plans are Mordred and how much is Morgan?

• And you know used and discarded former mistress of a king is killing Arthur

• "And he didn't"/"What?"/"Put you in direct contact with the divine"/"That is made clear to me every day"

• Morgan did a good job of pretending indifference at the beginning but the more she lays into Arthur, the more hostile things get between them, it's so clear that if the opposite of love is indifference then they haven't managed to get over loving each other

• It's just soured and rotted but won't die

• More so for Morgan because she paid the price, she couldn't move on in the way he could

• "And I wouldn't want to see your face when you realize it didn't make a difference. There'll be greed and injustice and hate and horror. You can change the stuff but people stay exactly the same. No one whose opponent was human nature has ever won a fight. Human nature responds to-"/"Inspiration"/"Fear. And that's it"

• It's so cruel but also a great illustration of the ways that they're fundamental opposites

• "I don't forget anything"

• Another extremely loaded line delivery

• (Don't make an All Too Well reference, don't make an All Too Well reference, don't)

• The panic and realization of "he's not stupid" and the music that builds to it and Morgan's laugh ugh perfect

• The intro music to I Loved You Once in Silence is gorgeous

• Lance and Genny in white feeling guilty as hell is a good visual

• So much regret

• Just instantly

• I feel like the moment they've actually acted on their feelings, they know that it's not only a mistake but also that their feelings aren't actually what they thought

• Well maybe Lance doesn't quite have it yet in this scene but he gets there

• Not to repeat what I said about the first scene in act 2 but

• My take is that they intentionally deepened Arthur and Genny's relationship and Lance's character but not Lance and Genny's relationship

• They intentionally left it shallow

• That these are two people who are missing something and the easiest way for them to get that is to frame what they have as love

• I mean for Genny it's sort of obvious, she's married to a man she's in love with but that she thinks doesn't love her

• Lance makes her feel certain about his feelings for her and that's validating

• But Lance, I feel like I have thoughts but I'm not sure

• Lance has never been forced to reckon with temptation before

• And instead of facing that in himself

• He just makes Genny part of the list of things that define him

• A goddess on earth and a god above

• Along with the table

• And he can worship them all to avoid having to figure out who he actually is

• It's not him admitting he has a human weakness, it's a grand tragic love story that he can suffer for

• And suffering, well that's what lets him cope with whatever about himself he feels is so terrible that he needs to punish himself for it

• He's so terrified to look inward, so afraid of something in himself that he just finds his identity in other people and institutions

• And he can't hide behind that anymore because he's betrayed it all, every single thing

• I feel like this makes it sound like I don't like Lance and I very much do

• He's just particularly flawed because he's the only one who doesn't start the show knowing that about himself

• They all make choices out of self-loathing and fear of unworthiness but I do think Lance thinks consciously he's above that for most of the show even if subconsciously he knows he isn't

• He's the only one of the main three to not really finish his character journey within the confines of this narrative

• Arguably he only starts right now and finally realizes he's not the man he thought he was

• Again fic potential somone???

• Well that was a tangent

• Jordan Donica's performance of I Loved You Once in Silence is so heartbreaking

• "Lance I made a mistake. I'm sorry but you're a good man and I should have been nicer to you."

• I love that, I love that she takes her responsibility (even if she's already trying to cover up what happened)

• But also it's just the clearst indication that acting on her feelings killed them

• She doesn't need to push Lance away anymore to stop herself from doing anything

• I love that Lance tries to surrender peacefully

• He's willing to take responsibility not for his noble suffering anymore but because he is a good man and he knows he's done what he's been accused of

• And he only attacks because he has to

• Mordred's evil laugh

• Lance being slightly disheveled and grabbing Mordred's sword to fight off the guards and escape

• I don't have any kind of intellectual take, this is just a personal problem for me

• My jaw was on the floor when Lance started yelling back about coming for her if he survives

• Such a tense ramp up into Guenevere

Act 2, Scene 4: The trial/The Battle

• Guenevere has such amazing lyrics

• The entire "more than love met its doom"/"came the sundown of a dream" verse destroys me

• And I love every word of added dialouge, so correct to put it on the cast recording

• I feel I must explain my love for the staging of this song some more because it is so simple and I understand that some people are not into it but I so much am

• I love the way they close off the back of the stage for I think the only time in the whole show and it becomes claustrophobic all of the sudden

• Now Arthur is stuck in this little box in front of the audience while everything falls apart for him and that's what you have to look at so there's no getting away from how devastating it is

• We just get some full force Andrew Burnap acting and I love it, I think by now it should be clear that I would

• In other versions that I've seen, there's a lot more happening and we see Genny

• And we see Arthur see her tied to the stake and Lancelot show up to rescue her

• Which I do like in theory

• But we don't really see Genny have any actual role or even seeming to have any particular feelings about what she's done or what's about to happen

• Like she's about to die and I've yet to see a version where I have any idea if she's got a single emotion about that

• Despite the name of the song, I think this show decided this scene isn't about Genny, it's about Arthur

• It's about the consequences of his laws

• It's about the beginning of his new war

• Arthur screaming "Pelli I know" like we see him start to crack

• Oh to know who told Arthur and how he took it

• "Well do something"/"She's under arrest. She's been accused of treason"/"Arthur I understand that you're angry but"/"She's been accused of breaking the law. She has to be judged"

• The delivery of that last line, ugh

• He keeps it impersonal, it isn't about what she did to him or his pain, it's about the law

• The law they lovingly crafted together

• "What a magnificent dilemma: let her die and you're a monster, let her live and you're a fraud. Which will it be? Do you kill the queen or the law?"

• Fuck

• The delivery is so good

• Mordred is having the time of his life shrieking about Arthur's pain

• The killing the queen or the law bit seems to be mostly unchanged and it's maybe the best single line from the original book

• Although it went from kill the queen and your life is over to you're a monster

• Mordred has to know Arthur is in love with Genny, right?

• Maybe he just can't imagine Arthur could love a person more than he loves his ideals which I guess would make sense given Morgan and Arthur's relationship

• Arthur drawing his sword on Mordred!!!

• "Ooh careful your majesty, you wouldn't want to be barbaric"

• The fact that Mordred thinks that's going to work, that he can continue to poke at Arthur and he won't respond, he really does believe in Arthur's goodness doesn't he?

• "You are exiled from this court. Return and I will show you what barbaric looks like"

• Arthur screaming at Mordred with his hand around his throat is so intense

• It's so good

• Another gasp out loud in the theater moment

• Arthur is fully unraveling and I'm obsessed

• "I know my way out"

• It's such a teenage delivery and like Mordred is just a kid who feels abandoned by his father

• And as much as this is a tragedy for the three main characters, it's no less a tragedy for Mordred

• Aging down Mordred, also a great choice

• And again, just another stellar performance

• Every single person in this cast just knocked it out of the park in a way I never could have anticipated

• "Arthur please, I'm an old man and I know I'm ridiculous but for the love of god, it's Genny. She made a mistake, she knows that."

• I love that Pelli loves her too

• That he isn't judging her

• "She broke the law Pellinore. A law signed by the king. So say the people"

• He starts trying to be calm but then the fact that it's his law brings up the anger and then he breaks on so say the people

• He's written his own destruction

• And empowered others to take the decision out of his hands

• I love the dialouge in this scene so damn much

• "Neither you nor I nor god himself can stop this terrible thing that's been put in motion"/"What are you waiting for?"/"I'm waiting for what's inevitably coming next"

• The delivery of coming next...

• Like obviously he wants Lance to save Genny but he knows that no matter what

• No matter if she lives or dies, peace is over and the round table has been destroyed

• And he needs to prepare

• Also the way he frames what's happening

• It's not what Genny and Lance or even Mordred caused

• It's just what's been set into motion by all these tiny and giant choices throughout the show that have bubbled over into the death of Camelot

• "That's Lancelot du Lac out there and he's brought a battalion. Double the guard, triple the guard, those guards are going to die tonight"

• How many times can I just copy a bunch of text and write the delivery

• Because yup

• The lack of hope from Arthur is chilling

• Arthur getting dragged back into the war he worked so hard to end

• Just every line delivery in this scene is perfect

• Every lyric of the song

• Every acting choice

• And I love to see it visually

• Preparing for war isn't an exciting spectacle, it's tragic

Act 2, Scene 5: Outside Joyous Gard - on the eve of war

• The way they fade in on the eve of war just broke my heart every time

• I would love to know how much communication there was between Arthur and Lance and how

• Like how much of a role did Arthur play in the whole Genny not getting burned business?

• And the fact that his first question is whether they've been injured

• Even after everything, he's a good man who cares

• And Genny and Lance too, being willing to come back and die

• They're all good people who made mistakes but still good people

• "I assure you, if I thought it would end all this, I would light the fire myself"

• Absolutely brutal but like after he lays out all the death and rebellion that have already happened I guess brutal is fair

• Ya know, if I thought he meant it even a little

• "Lance, come morning some of your countrymen are going to be at the end of my sword. It's not personal, it's just my job. Stay safe Lance."/"I can't do that. And neither can you. Godspeed your majesty."

• I just love the idea of Lance and Arthur as these two people who love each other spearheading this war neither of them believe in

• It's so tragic

• Their goodbye is so understated which for Lance is like truly a great bit of contrast

• They've had enough big declarations, these few sentences just distill everything perfectly

• And then we come to Genny and Arthur, fuck fuck fuck

• The first time I saw this I spent like all of intermission and act 2 with a loop in my brain of but they love each other, right?

• I am unrepentant trash for them in this version as though that wasn't abundantly clear

• And Aaron Sorkin delivered for me so hard in this scene

• "Please let me die, Arthur"

• The pause before his name

• And now we get to the part where I start to get like teary-eyed in the theater

• "Two very powerful men did this to you... not Mordred and Lance, your father and me"

• That long pause before and me

• I love his whole speech, I almost typed it all out

• And they allow so much silence during it

• And the way he's like trying to hold it together but he can't by the end

• "You were treated like a queen but you were my hostage Genny, what the hell did we think was going to happen?"

• That he recognizes and actually admits the ways that his choices have harmed Genny, the unfairness in the entire situation he's put her through

• That he can see even through his own hurt and the enormity of what has been set into motion, his own responsibility for what's happened

• Like he's not right but he's also not wrong

• "And for it's worth, I've been in love with you this whole time"

• Not even looking at her so we have to see it instead ugh

• And then watch that long silence while Genny just like rearranges her entire view of their relationship

• "For what it's worth? Did you just say for what it's worth?"/"Well I thought maybe you'd like to know that. But I wasn't sure."

• Just smashing my heart into tiny little pieces

• After everything they've been to each other, after all they built together, he still doesn't even know if his feelings will matter to her

• While Genny is getting ready to lose her mind after for what it's worth

• They're so absolutely emotionally inept

• "You weren't sure? Why didn't you ever tell me before?"/"It doesn't matter"/"Why?"/"How could I? I'm the king of England. You'd have been forced to pretend you felt the same way"

• Again they are delivering lines in a way that is continuing to smash the little pieces of my heart into complete dust

• Like Arthur is again not wrong but not right

• His life is so lonely because of this crown he didn't want and his desire to actually be responsible with that power

• And even now he tries to get out of explaining that to her

• I love him so much is the problem

• And then her mmm like all the pieces are coming together in her brain that they've both been suffering for nothing and she is pissed

• I love her so much which is also the problem

• Incidentally, both of these things are also their problem so very relatable

• "Out of curiousity, if I had told you, what would you have said?"/"That I loved you from the moment I saw you, from the moment you spoke, from the moment you sang me that stupid song about the weather"/"It's not about the weather it's a metaphor"/"I know it's a metaphor"

• The way Genny overlaps him asking, she can't even wait for him to finish

• The way she says stupid song

• The way that she's like, I did fall in love with you over that song but also I still hate it and think it's dumb

• She says it with such contempt

• Icon

• Even standing before the wreckage of their lives, they still can't stop bickering about the song, I'm obsessed

• "I prayed every night that one day you would see me the way I saw you. And then you told me I was your business partner. Yes I was and I am in love with you"/"Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse"

• She prayed every night???

• For two years???

• That he would return her feelings???

• Fuck

• Like I don't know if I can convey how much them being in love with each other and thinking it's unrequited for two whole years ping pongs around my brain and just lights up all the synapses

• "Do you really think 10,000 people loosened that sword for me?"/"I do"/"So do I. That's a nice thought isn't it?"

• It is a nice thought

• I love the philosophy of this show, I love that there's no convoluted Arthur is actually the son of the last king so he was destined to be special

• These are just two people who though birth or circumstance ended up in this position of power and chose to do good with it

• Genny begging for just a little more time like the only reason I kept anything together was being in a theater but if feel confident that if I ever get my hands on footage of this show, I would have already been sobbing by this point

• "They won't let me let Lance save you twice so you have to go Princess Guenevere"

• Hearing him call her by her name is so deeply distressing

• Literally not once before in the show does it happen and it hurts

• And then they're playing Before I Gaze at You Again what an amazing choice

• Turning a love song she sang about Lance into this romantic moment for her and Arthur because theirs was the love story the whole time like brilliant

• That they chose the show's first love song and brought it back for Genny and Arthur being unable to leave each other without that hug and that kiss

• Like this song that is originally about the pain of unfulfilled love for the wrong person and then flipping it to the pain of fulfilled love with the right one

• I am so not okay

• Also people did very loudly applaud at closing when they kissed and I was so glad because truly in my head I was doing it every time

• "I love you"/"I love you too"/"God save the king"

• I mean these are some good last words to say to each other, I'll give them that

• The thing about the original version of the musical is that the ending was already a perfect concept

• Here it just feels more meaningful because they lay that groundwork about inspiring the next generation throughout

• Tom trying to con Arthur about his age is very funny

• This kid is so good and adorable

• "You're speaking to a king"/"I'm twelve years old"

• Like his comedic delivery, very impressive

• "And when did you decide upon this nonexistent career?"

• We get a solid 60 seconds of cynical Arthur and that's about it

• The entire concept of this kid being inspired by the stories of Camelot is just deeply moving and beautiful

• And just the entirety of Andrew Burnap's performance of that realization hitting Arthur

• I love a story that's about the power of stories

• People also applauded at the last show when Arthur says the stories were all true which I also just deeply love

• Arthur's I know exactly how you feel when Tom says he's not ready to be a knight and putting his arm around him, so cute

• "And you will return to your home alive"

• The way he says alive

• Like I think Arthur knows that he's not making it out of this

• Even if he would manage to survive the battle and Mordred, he knows his time is done

• But the the future is still there

• And there is about to be so much death

• Some of it from his sword or his orders

• And the rest of it of his men

• But at least this kid, he's going to live

• The reprise of Camelot... I just love it so much

• "I've won my battle, here's my victory"

• Not a new line but just such a gorgeous one

• The entire idea of the story of Camelot as a tragedy but a hopeful one just gets me

• It's such a beautiful conclusion that this version sets up so so well

• I love that we end on a speech again, just like act 1

• Also that last bit of music as they walk off, stunning

• I have attempted to track down as many older productions of this show as I can including the movie which was good but I am biased and I do sort of think Sorkin and Bartlett Sher and the actors and everyone else involved had the more interesting take on the themes and characters

• A Broadway musical is best when it has simple but impactful themes and big emotions

• And that's exactly what this version gave us

• The highest compliment I can give this show is that not only have I not stopped thinking about it, not only did I tell everyone I know to see it, not only did I want to see the show again (and again and...), but it also just made me feel inspired to see more theater in a way I haven't in a serious while

• I just love this show so much and I'm so glad there are some people here who can't get over it either

• This is what I have to offer, the longest possible unhinged rant and bad quality closing audio, that is all

#it is bad that i wrote all of this #but it's worse that I had to learn I vomited out more words than tumblr even allows #this is what Camelot has done to me #this and made me see just so much more theater than I have ever #still riding the high of watching this cast live apparently #This Barbie can't shut up about Camelot #maybe three is enough unhinged long rants about this show #I wouldn't put money on it but we can all hope #I think the only thing that can sate my soul is a proshot #or sate my soul like 50% with a bootleg #and 50% by casting everyone in this show in good new stuff #preferably produced by my friend's boss so I can maybe get a free ticket #I'm waiting for the most crucial moment to be that annoying friend who asks for a perk #Camelot Musical #the freedom I feel having this note off my phone though

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witchcraftingboop · 11 months

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Ok, I'll bite: absolutely dumbest thing you've seen on magical Tumblr, like, the kind of thing that just stuck in your brain and cannot be removed because of how indescribably stupid it is, the "How can you be this dumb and still be alive?" kind of thing.

In a literal sense: glitter candles. It's an actual fire hazard, and people still insist on making them. A coworker of mine actually just the other day gave me a candle with a puddle of glitter on top and glitter all around the inside and outside of the glass holder. Also a witchcraft shop near-ish my apt was just crammed full of candles coated top to bottom in glitter, and he was actively trying to sell them. Glitter-coworker also allegedly sold 20 before I told her they're a fire hazard. Absolutely wild.

In a practical sense: the idea that you can't practice malefic magic because you'll tip the balance of the universe. That is the dumbest shit I've ever heard, and it gets toted across Witchblr in one form or another, and the very idea of it just sounds exhausting to me. How do you function knowing your every negative action causes the universe to fall out of balance and target you specifically to right the wrong? Y'all need to start researching what actual karma is before you give yourself and everybody around you anxiety

#boop's asks #not really hot takes imo #witchble be like #also bonjour tyet #if y'all give me topics it's a lil bit easier tbh xD

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mobileleprechaun · 3 months

Note

😡

For every 😡 emoji in my ask box, I will go on one unhinged rant of indeterminate length.

A non-exhaustive list of songs that viscerally enrage me:

No Such Thing as the Real World by John Mayer - guy who has experienced a mere beige sliver of the world: "wow i understand what life is all about now! i'm so enlightened. 😃😃😃" also: shut the fuck up John Mayer you annoying douchebag cunt, get over yourself, you're insufferable and your cloying voice makes me want to attack and kill

Best Day of My Life by American Authors - engineered in a lab to sell Jeep Grand Cherokees to men with MBAs who are reconnecting with their inner child by building a treehouse over the summer that they will use a grand total of twice before unceremoniously abandoning due to mosquitoes. rancidly twee faux-whimsy

Runaways by The Killers - I bop to The Killers and am unashamed of liking even their corniest stuff. However, my local radio station played this one about ten times every day for three months straight and now it activates my CIA-implanted sleeper cell assassin training

I Wanna Talk About Me by Toby Keith - embodies the most obnoxious John Wayne-wannabe you’ve ever met pulling down his Wrangler jeans and ripping a huge Hormel No Beans Chili fart right in your face. I almost respect how carefully horrible it is

Gooey by Glass Animals - I’ve been trapped in a little jar by a TikTok daddy dom who vapes and he’s breathing the vape juice all over me with every condescending little syllable. it smells like artificial grape

Santa Looked a Lot Like Daddy by various artists - uses repetition in a manner evocative of being beaten to death with hammers. in most covers, it’s your peepaw wielding the hammers. merry christmas???

American Woman by The Guess Who - I respect this band, and most of the song isn’t bad, but it sounds like he’s about to vomit at the end and I’m extremely not about it

Madness by Muse - ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma... MANRAY...?! I'm disappointed, this one's just annoying and they really fell off here

Always the Last to Know by Del Amitri - I want to give this one the benefit of the doubt and assume they intended to write the protagonist as a controlling, entitled, whiny hypocrite, because there's absolutely nothing wrong with writing a song from the perspective of someone who sucks... but they did a little too good of a job and I'm just reminded of my shitty ex-friend who had a crush on me. no thanks

Shake Up the Happiness by Train - Coke commercial music, I don't want to be in a fucking Coke commercial, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!

#angy sunday #this took too long sorry!#more 2 come thank you for sending them in and indulging my inner AVGN rip-off 💖

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yeehawbvby · 5 months

Text

Falling Away With You | Ch. 46

Sebastian x F!Reader and M. Rasmodius x F!Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Chapter Summary: Y/n is sick, so there's a lot of napping here. As usual, there are shenanigans, too.

Author’s Note: Ok so my aim rn is to post at least once a month :'D Let's hope I can actually follow through...

Hope y'all enjoy, take care! x

Table of Contents + Work Summary

Check it out on ao3!

Prev | Next

Although we left the tower from the main floor, Magnus brought us back through the teleportation hall. I’ve only ever been over here a few times, and it’s just as beautiful and dramatic as you’d expect a hall of cubbies with portals in them to look.

Spotlights shine over each glowing floor crest. Dense ivy is climbing nearly every wall, because of course Magnus’ arborie extends down here too. Some worn-out, brassy plaques that once stated the location that each portal led to are fastened to the stone in-between each red velvet curtain, which are held up by golden rods. Some of them conceal the portals that they're intended to hide, and others are haphazardly bunched open.

As Magnus and I silently near the end of the hall, we both turn to each other. Something feels… weird.

“Do you hear that?” he asks into my head.

I furrow my brows, then shut my eyes, really trying to focus my senses. I hear… oh for fuck’s sake, is that— “Camilla?” I finish my thought back to the wizard.

He sighs. His eyelids close. Takes a deeper breath, nodding. Mentally preparing for the confrontation, I assume.

I wince, remembering how my other encounters with that witch have gone. I haven’t seen her much — just the day I met her, and one other surprise visit. None of it was terrible, I guess, but they weren’t the coziest experiences I’ve had to endure either.

My eyes widen as my thoughts jump to their next subject. Seb.

I whisper, “Fuck, she’s probably torturing the poor guy.”

Another sigh emits from my partner. Matching my volume, he submits. “Well, let’s get this over with…”

I have to hide a grin. Is it sadistic of me to find his resentment towards Camilla kind of amusing? I mean, he’s typically so laid back, y’know?

While we quietly pad through the bookshelves and back to the room where we began today's activities, I try to focus on Camilla. Channeling my energy, and whatever… aaand…

Damn. Still can’t mind-read. I thought maybe the tension would, like, encourage it out of me or something…? I dunno.

Maybe some other time.

Probably not.

Fuck.

Whatever.

A few more steps and I’m able to make out her words. She sounds just as unnecessarily sultry as I remember her. “Anyway, how have you been faring, tiger?” Tiger?! I stifle a laugh. “I never thought I’d see you around here again.”

“She must not have gotten here too long ago,” I observe into Magnus’ head, peering up at him as we slow to a halt just a few paces from the room our visitor is occupying. He nods in agreement.

“If you’d like, you can wait upstairs. I won’t subject you to her if you feel uneasy.”

“Too late. Ripping the bandaid off!”

Before Magnus can register what I‘ve “said,” I turn the corner. Camilla, probably having been fully aware of our presence for a hot minute or two, turns to me as if in cue.

“Hey, sweetie~” God, does she have to say it so... seductively? I feel a light tingle in my cheeks and avert all eye contact as I offer a meek “Hi.” I see the witch peer behind me from the edge of my vision, and her grin turns more devilish as I brave her face again. “Razzy!!”

“Spirits protect me,” he murmurs aloud. “Camilla.” He pairs her name with a curt nod.

She looks tickled. Camilla totally knows he hates her. She has to, I mean, look at them! The lady just knows how to make the best of it. I respect that, honestly.

I look towards Seb, who looks absolutely exhausted. I wonder if he managed to get even a wink of sleep. As Camilla struts towards Magnus and I, with her focus plastered on the older wizard — thank god — I maneuver towards the couch and plop myself next to Sebastian.

I can’t resist.

“Hey there, tiger~”

Seb deadpans me. “I will end you.”

I snort. “Sorry, jeez! You alright, love?” I whisper as he leans his head on my left shoulder. My corresponding hand instinctively draws upward, promptly running my fingers through his fluffy, pitch black hair.

He simply groans.

A soft chuckle escapes me, and I pat a kiss onto his forehead before dropping his fringe and leaning my temple against his scalp. I fidget with the shoulder of his shirt and shut my weary eyes, just enjoying the contact with Seb after today. There’s still plenty of daylight left, but I think the excitement combined with the wine has me feeling a little drained. I’m choosing to ignore the potential illness I might experience from skinnydipping in cold water and cold weather like a dumbass, good lord Magnus I would be so mad at you if I had it in me—

“You sleep at all?” I cut my thoughts off.

“Barely…” Seb grumbles, “By the time my body decided to cooperate with me, I had about 10 minutes before she appeared.”

“Hm…” I look up to the other spellcasters in the room, who have relocated from the doorway. Camilla still has her back to us. “We can try and sneak up to Magnus’ bed for a nap while she’s distracted if you want,” I suggest. “Not sure how focused she is on listening to us right now, y’know?”

Seb sighs. Then, he nods.

“I’m sorry,” I invade Magnus as we stand up and tip-toe to the doorway. “Good luck down here. We’ll be in your room.”

I look over at Magnus, who peers towards us while Camilla focuses her attention to the long, glowy, fancy scroll in her hands. His face stays stoic, but his eyes light up at the sound of my voice; and as he nods his response, he offers a wink.

What does that wink mean? Was it just cheeky? Or does he think we’re leaving to, like, fuck or something?

“Don’t have too much fun without me, dear.”

Oooh, he thinks we’re fucking.

I’m pretty sure neither of us have any intention to engage in that — I’d envisioned more of a cozy nap together, perhaps — yet I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if the tables were turned from this morning, with Magnus walking in on Seb and I rather than it being the opposite.

Phew. I need to think of literally anything else before I short circuit and walk into a wall.

I take Seb’s hand in mine as we wordlessly trek up the basement stairs and through the main floor. Feeling the new piece of jewelry adorning my hand, Seb raises it to his face as we walk up the next set of stairs.

“What’s this?”

“Magnus finally asked me out. Made me a fancy magic ring to go with it.”

“It’s about time,” Seb grins lazily, lightly teasing the absent wizard. “Looks pretty.” He presses a kiss to the knuckle just above my ring, lightly tugging me through the doorway to Magnus’ room.

“You look pretty,” I quip back.

“I look like shit, actually.” He lets go of my hand and collapses onto the unmade bed, belly-first.

I wrap around to the other side — there’s more than enough room for both of us to sprawl — as I respond, “Still pretty.”

Laying down much more gently, I curl up on my side and away from Seb. “By the way, I might have a cold coming on, in case you wanna keep your distance. I don’t want to get you sick with how busy your work has been lately.”

The bed shifts slightly, and I feel fingers running through my still damp tresses. Mmmm this is nice.

“You two get caught in the rain or something?”

“No,” I sigh. “We went swimming…”

I head a light snort behind me. “Where the hell did he take you where it was warm enough to swim?”

“Bold of you to assume it was warm enough,” I respond, closing my eyes. Melting into the light scratches of Seb’s nails on my scalp, the feathery tugs to release the knots from my hair, the warmth of his fingers... “Same weather as here, basically,” I mention quietly, trying to break out of this comfy stupor. I sniffle and clear my throat before continuing, “It was a magical little forest clearing with a lake and waterfalls and stuff. Looked like it was ripped from Skyrim or some shit.”

“Any creatures?”

“Only fish.” I hear a soft tut behind me and smile. He was probably hoping for some fancy new frogs. “They were cute, but I was secretly hoping a junimo or two would pop out of the woods to say ‘hi.’”

“I was banking on you meeting some fancy new frogs or something.” Called it! “That still sounds nice though. I’m glad you two had fun out there.”

I nod, scooching back towards Seb. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer, tapping a kiss to my head. I hum contentedly. Use my feet and lower legs to shimmy the blankets onto me. Manage to get them up to my knees before reaching down to pull them high enough to cover the lower part of my face. God, they smell so nice. Like Magnus, but with whatever detergent he uses mixed in. Some cottony type of smell.

I feel some shifting behind me, and then my back feels a little warmer. Seb must’ve tucked himself in too.

“Comfy?” I murmur, already feeling myself drifting off.

He hums an affirmation, and it’s the last thing I can register before sleep takes me.

_______________

I wake to a baritone sigh from somewhere across the room. I keep my eyes shut. Sniffle. Notice how crunchy my throat feels, how my spit is almost too thick to swallow. God damnit I’m totally sick. It happened so quickly, too… maybe something about the magic? Who knows.

My gentle alarm clock pads over towards the bed, and I hear another noise – more of a huff, maybe of amusement? – this time. More footsteps. The bed dips in front of me. I feel the warmth of something hover over my cheek, as if hesitating, before it softly rests there. Then, it relocates to my forehead.

“Hm…” I hum, enjoying the feeling. This is so nice. One partner on either side of me. I feel so pampered.

“Are you awake, dearest?” Magnus whispers. His hand drifts back to my cheek, his thumb soothingly stroking it.

“Mhm.” That sounded so gross. I clear my throat and try again. Comes out smoother this time.

He observes, “You feel warm.”

Still too groggy to speak, I respond with another hum. Maybe that was more of a grunt. I dunno.

“Are you feeling alright?”

I shrug. “Probably just a cold,” I answer. My head hurts and this is only making it throb more, but it feels easier to do this than to speak for now. “No big deal.”

He curses to himself. “I’m sorry, dear. My kind has somewhat of an immunity to most mundane illnesses. I didn’t think twice before encouraging you to join me for a swim.”

“Worth it.” Now that I know I probably can’t get Magnus sick, I remove my hand from under the covers, reaching blindly in his direction. When I feel his shirt in my grasp, I tug it, and with a quiet chuckle he nudges closer to me.

Probably not wanting to disturb Seb, he responds back into my head. “It was not worth it,” he lightly scolds. “I never want you to feel unwell for my sake.”

“It’s worth it to meee.”

A voiceless chuckle escapes through his noise. “You’re silly.”

“I know. Now shut up and nap with is.”

“So demanding.”

I’m unsure if he’s watching me, but I raise a finger to my lips anyway. “Shhh.”

“Alright, alright.” A beat passes. “Actually...”

The bed shifts again as I feel the body in front of me vanish. I gather the strength to open my eyes, furrowing my brows as I glare up at him between two narrow slits. “That’s not napping,” I pout.

Another chuckle under his breath. “I’m going to make some soup.”

“Hmm.” I sigh, shutting my eyes again and scooting back a little more. Seb’s unconscious form tightens its hold around me. ”Fine… thank you, love.”

“Of course, my heart. Please keep resting – I will come get you two when it’s done.”

I nod, hoping he’s still looking. His light steps grow quieter, and the door shuts again. Seb exhales behind me.

His voice groggy from sleep, he murmurs, “Oh my god dude, his face was so close to mine.”

I chuckle. “Sorry if we woke you up.” I answer verbally, then decide that it’s easier to keep at it telepathically. I feel so… eugh.

“Sorry if you can feel my heartbeat right now,” the emo responds.

“He had you that frazzled, huh?” I feel Seb nod, then continue, “Sounds like your feelings have evolved beyond just crushing territory.”

“You’re telling me…” His arm moves, his hand resting on my forehead. “Hm. You are warm.”

I repeat back to Seb what I’d told Magnus, “Probably just a cold.”

“You’re awfully toasty for just a cold.” Seb’s arm lowers again, wrapping back around me. “Why don’t I stay at the farm for a few days? I can help out while you get better.”

I can’t help the smile that curves my lips, but shake my head. “No! You have your own work to worry about.”

“I’m sure Magnus wouldn’t mind splitting farming duties with me. We both know he’s good with plants, after all.”

“He has his own work too.” My eyes are still shut, and I’m still facing away from Seb, but my brows furrow. “Besides, I dunno how cozy I am with you both doting on me so much. Feels weird.”

“Yoba forbid we love you, or something,” he chuckles. I join him, but not without lightly nudging him with my elbow. “You don’t wanna miss meeting Krobus coming to Spirit’s Eve because you didn’t take care of yourself, do you?”

I groan. “...Fuck you. I don’t like it when you’re right about things.”

“Too bad.” He kisses the crown of my head, then sighs. “Want me to go grab you some tea?”

I shake my head. Scoot back a little more, then tuck my top leg between both of his. Reinforcing that I don’t want him to leave. Deciding my head is pounding too much to keep talking to him telepathically, I clear my throat, then tell him, “Magnus is making soup.”

There’s a pause before he asks, “…Where?”

I think for a moment. I’ve only eaten an actual meal here, like, once, and that was when Magnus disguised his home for Abby’s potential visit. Y’know, when he conjured a whole-ass kitchen into the main room. Other than that, we usually order in or have little treats if we’re hungry.

“Huh.” I think harder. He’s gotta eat more than just takeout, no? “Maybe he keeps a hot plate or two in his cabinets, or… wait, no, the outlets are all taken by his string lights, and he’d never turn those off…” I pause, lightly coughing and clearing my throat before I wonder, “Where the fuck does he make food?”

Sounding more confused now, Seb asks, “Where the fuck is his fridge?” “Does Magnus… does he eat when we’re not here? Do elementals need food?”

I turn my head back slightly, and see that Sebby’s expression is just as concerned as mine.

Without a word, we both get out of bed – well, I kinda roll out more than anything – and head downstairs. As if to sneak up on Magnus – observe him in his natural habitat, if you will – we tip-toe down to the main room…

Aaand he’s not there.

I turn around and jog up a few steps to see the hallway.

Eyeing the spiral staircase – which I assumed led to a room that was full of artifacts and shit based on the fact that I’ve never been up there, and because why wouldn’t it be cluttered with various arcane wonders? – I think out loud, “Does he have a kitchen up there?”

Seb follows me. I look up at him as he reaches the step I’m on. Unsure of himself, he squints and tilts his head to the side a little. “Maaaybe?”

He looks down at me. Filled with determination, we nod at each other and continue our adventure through this absurdly stereotypical wizard tower, which we’ve spent plenty of time in without knowing what is actually up there.

How the fuck have neither of us thought to look or ask?

Whatever.

I sniffle as we mosey over, and get onto the first step to try and peer up. Sniffle again, big style. Sounds gnarly.

“Gross,” Sebastian teases.

I nudge him. “You’re gross.”

Without a response, Seb steps up to join me. The top is dark. Can’t see shit from here.

“Should we check?” I ask. “I mean, I don’t want to go anywhere he doesn’t want us to, but—“ Seb is already ascending. “Oh.”

I follow him up, hastily catching up to his longer strides. For some reason my heart is pounding, as if something bad is gonna happen. Haven’t had any premonitions yet, so that’s promising, at least.

We get to the top, Seb whips out he flashlight on his phone, and—

“It’s just a normal attic.”

“Oh.” That was anticlimactic. “Well…”

Head lowered, I take a walk of shame back down the stairs. I was so convinced something cool and/or mysterious would be going on up there.

When we get to the bottom, now in the small corridor outside of Magnus’ room again, Seb takes a turn into the bathroom. He closes the door, but talks anyway as he pees.

There’s something heartwarmingly domestic about this.

“You think he got caught up in some business with Camilla again?” he suggests.

“Maybe. I hope everything is alri—“ I stop my words short as I hear the front door open. “Someone just walked in,” I mutter against the wood.

I can’t hear Seb’s response over the sound of the toilet flushing, and tip-toe a few feet over where I can see the culprit. My eyes widen, watching as the wizard transfers takeaway containers of soup into some bowls he had stored near his workstation. I’ve been hoodwinked!

“Magnus Rasmodius,” I announce, ignoring the surprised little jump he does as he turns towards me, “What the frick is that?!”

The wizard’s eyes widen and pinken, his cheeks flushing to match. “Erm…”

Seb steps out of the bathroom and peers over my head. “Oh, you dirty, dirty man.”

I cross my arms and lean back against Seb, cheekily glaring down at the wizard. A short silence passes.

“…I cannot cook.”

My brows furrow. I slowly make my way down the steps with Seb in tow. “What, like, you don’t have anything to cook with, or..?”

He shakes his head, eyes still pink as he confesses, “I don’t bother to keep much kitchenware handy. My cooking and baking skills are abysmal.”

All the tea, ramen, and other things that can be made by simply boiling water are beginning to make sense.

“Do you just buy takeout every day then?” Seb asks.

With his brows lowered and his bottom lip being thoroughly chewed, Magnus diverts his eyes.

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?!” I frown. “I wouldn’t mind cooking for you. Or with you, I mean, I could teach you a little.”

“Is it not an utter embarrassment, though? To meet someone who can’t cook, despite having been on this earth for centuries?”

“No!” Seb and I both answer. He sounds just as passionately full of worry as I am. “I’m not surprised, to be honest,” Seb tacks on. “With how much of your life you spend working, there’s not much time to learn how.”

I nod in agreement. I shuffle over to Magnus. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I look up at him, my chin resting just below his chest. “Let’s try cooking together when you have time, ‘kay?”

Hugging me back, Magnus peers down in surprise. “Yes,” his shock turns into a warm grin, “That would be lovely.”

Seb walks past us, grabbing a bowl from the counter. “Oh hell yeah, is this pumpkin?”

“Butternut squash.”

“Damn.”

“They’re both squashes, technically,” I point out to Seb. “You get this from Gus?” I ask Magnus, punctuating my question with a sniffle. He, more maroon-eyed again, reacts by placing a soothing palm against my cheek. I practically melt into it.

“Indeed. It is always intimidating to go there, but he is a pleasant man.”

Seb, nodding along as he swallows a sip, chimes in. “Gus fucks.”

I snort out a little laugh. Magnus tilts his head, obviously confused. He doesn’t question it though. Probably had too much slang for one day.

“How does it work with, uh...” I vaguely gesture in Magnus’ direction, implying that I’m referring to his appearance.

He snorts, reassuring me, “He and Emily are some of the very few who know the truth of my existence.”

“What about the other people in there?”

“I teleport directly to the kitchen.”

My brows raise and my jaw goes slack. I huff out a laugh, turning my head and lifting my elbow to my face as it morphs into a cough.

Before I can pry further, Seb asks, “Does that not scare the shit outta them?!”

“They’re quite used to my presence at this point.” He grins, his eyes turning pink as he adds, “I’d like to think we have a fond acquaintanceship by now.”

Aw. I hope they do. He deserves friends besides cryptids and gremlins and basement dwellers! And if there’s anyone here who I think would be accepting of Magnus based strictly on looks and vibes, it would totally be Emily.

Changing the subject, Magnus places his other hand on my free cheek, bending down to kiss my forehead. I tippy toe to help him out. “Now eat,” he orders, his irises burgundy again, “before it gets cold. You need this.”

I nod, situating myself next to Seb as I grab the two unattended bowls, handing one over to Magnus. I hop onto the counter and happily sip straight from the vessel. Gus does fuck, god damn this is good. It’s sweet and salty and creamy as hell, with the exception of some toasted seeds floating within it.

The rest of the day after this is spent taking it easy. After finishing my soup, I nap some more – Magnus lets me borrow a shirt to sleep in, so I don’t need to keep getting all tangled up in my skirt and sweater – and I opt to head home when I wake back up. Magnus insists on teleporting me there, but I walk, wanting to get some fresh air.

I changed back into my own clothes for the walk, but brought the borrowed top with me, insisting I’d wash it for him. That was only a half-lie. No shit I’ll wash it, but as soon as I got home, I tossed Magnus’ tee back on. Too comfy to pass on.

Seb and Magnus continued their training as I made my trek back to the farm and into my bed, and about an hour or two after I situated myself, my partners were already forcing themselves into my house to check up on me.

Fucking dorks. I love them so much.

After ensuring to them that I don’t need anything extra, and begging them to stop fussing over me, the two of them clamor into my bed with Cannoli and I.

It’s a tight fit, and not as comfy as cuddling in Magnus’ bed, but this fucks too.

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