#for a second I thought Dean is in heaven Cas is in the empty and Sam is on Earth but no | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

alexiswritingstuff · 1 year

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Human.

Masterlist

Status: Complete.

Pairing: Castiel x gn! reader.

Other character appearances: Dean Winchester.

Summary: After getting his grace taken away from him, Castiel is left with being a human for the first time ever. The reader wants to prove to him that he’s not alone... Once they find him.

Warnings: mild angst, with some comfort dw.

Parts: one - two - three

A/n: I just binged the entirety of supernatural, and my brain is infatuated with yet another man. Cas deserves every bit of love, so I wanted to write for him, especially in season 9 because I can’t even imagine what it was like going through that.

I also wanna say that this is my first time writing for these characters, meaning that I might not be able to rightfully portray them in my pieces just yet, so bear with me please.

Either way, I really hope you enjoy... and let me know if you want a part 2.

It was some time early in the morning.

There were no windows in your room, due to being in a literal underground bunker, so all you had was an alarm clock to rely on for that information.

Though even if you had managed to catch the numbers that continuously flashed across the glass screen, it didn’t seem like your brain would process it.

You were wide awake. Any and all attempts at going back to sleep, or even to just shut your eyes, ended with nothing except getting right back to square one.

It was something that got old really fast. And now you found yourself sat at the edge of your bed, the cool air barely doing anything to soothe the warmth of your skin.

Every thought that swirled through your head felt like it only arrived to fight the previous one. To contradict it. Prove it wrong. Either way, it was just fuel to your bouncing leg that never seemed to cease.

There was a whole lot going on, and I mean a lot.

But to summarise at least the main things that had your brain freaked, to say the least, was that Sam's condition was only being improved by some angel that hid in his head... Which he also still doesn’t know about-- But that’s besides the point.

Oh, and another, totally minor, fact was that every other angel had been thrown out of heaven like shooting stars. Meaning that there were now hundreds of beings stuck in random parts of the country...

Including your friend.

From what you had heard, Castiel was now entirely human in an unknown destination.

I mean, you had clues from a call he had made once he found a pay phone, but whatever was happening on his end proved that he wasn’t going to be around there much longer.

You had to decide.

In an instant, your anxiety ridden body had pushed itself up from the bed beneath it.

Your knees felt like they were going to buckle as soon as you got to your feet, thinking on and on about how you would actually locate Cas, what you would say to him once he was found, what he would even be like after everything.

But in order to gain an answer to any of those questions...

You kind of needed to leave the bunker first.

And that meant getting past Dean. Giving him a really good excuse as to why you were more or less abandoning him to look after his brother while you looked for your... friend.

A sigh seeped through your lips. Each half of your body was devoted to either convincing you to stay, or leave. But after thinking about what Sam would do in a situation like this; where there was a person actually able to go and look for Cas, “Okay,”

You made your choice.

So, within the next five minutes, you had grabbed an emptied duffle bag, threw it on your bed and filled it with various things that you could only guess a new human would need.

Once there was a feeling of satisfaction when looking through the items inside, you simply zipped it up and swung it over your shoulder...

Admittedly, however, you did kind of stand there for a second. The worry of what the hell you were going to tell Dean, or how he would react, just overloading your mind, especially because of the recent circumstances.

But nevertheless, you managed to straightened yourself up, letting a very deep breath fill and empty your lungs, before finally making your way towards your bedroom door.

And only leaving once you had grabbed a wad of cash and shoved it into your pocket.

You made your way through the kitchen, placing the weighted duffle bag onto the smooth wooden table and unzipping it before moving towards the largest fridge compartment.

After opening the door, your body lowered a little. Your eyes scanned across each shelf, looking for anything that was easily portable and at least filling when consumed.

And soon, you ended up with arms full of sandwiches wrapped in Saran wrap, that you had made earlier, in case you actually did choose this option, and any drink close to water as apparently “You only needed the sink for that.”

“Y/n, hey, I, uh-- Whoa, what...”

Shit.

“What’s up with the bag? There a case I don’t know about?”

Your body tensed. The sound of the fridge door closing almost made you jump out of your skin as you anticipated the oncoming conversation.

I mean, it was gonna happen sooner or later.

With yet another deep breath, you turned around, tightening your hold on the food and drinks, and only spared the Winchester a simple glance before making your way back to the table. “Y/n?” The items practically spilled, one after the other, onto the wood when you got in front of it.

Dean remained still for a moment, his eyes following you as you organised stuff into groups, but as soon as he saw you reach for the duffle bag, “No.”

It clicked.

“Hey, no. No, no, no, no!”

Before your fingers could grasp onto the material, another hand seemed to beat you to it. And now it slid to the complete opposite side of the table. “I told you we would get to that, man. Right now--”

“Yeah, Dean, ‘getting to it’ is the problem.” you cut him off, meeting the man’s desperate eyes that almost made you regret that decision, “Look, I know you’re worried about Sam, okay? I am too-- Of course I am. But, I can’t... I can’t wait any longer.”

“I mean, Cas is a human, Dean, a human!” you continued, “He-- He can feel things like hunger and the need to sleep, and hell he’s going to need to piss at some point, if he hasn’t already, but... He’s never felt that before.”

“Any of it.”

“He has just been thrown into feeling things like we do, and... and instead of being right there with him, as he goes through all of this shit for the first time ever-- ever! We, his best friends, are just here.”

“In the bunker, all cosy with unlimited access to food, water-- Even a shower, while he is stuck in some random place, probably with no idea of where he is.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest. It felt like it was just gonna burst right out while you stared back at Dean.

But after every scenario you had imagined of him losing his shit, right then and there, once he would find you trying to leave...

He only sighed.

He took a mild step back, the breath still sifting through his lips, while he brought his hands up to his face and rubbed at the skin. An attempt to make sure that he wouldn’t say something he would regret. “I know... I know, Y/n, it just--”

Dean sighs again, “... I don’t know what to do.”

In that moment, all of your nervousness melted away. You had gotten so worked up about this whole thing that you forgot, at the end of the day, that he was your best friend.

You found yourself just standing there again, watching the man with furrowed eyebrows and softening facial muscles.

“Ezekiel... I don’t know-- I thought he would do more than this. At least faster, anyway, but...” Dean’s eyes sort of stared at nothing for a moment. Like he was searching through the air as if it would give him some sort of answer. And then he looked back at you, “I don’t know if I can’t keep lying to him, man.”

“I don’t know if I can keep lying to Sam.”

“Dean,” you began as soon as he had finished, and slowly moved forward until you were right in front of him. You placed a hand on his shoulder, “I know it’s a lot.” He snorted, “That’s an understatement.”

“Dean, you just... You need to make everything seem like it’s normal so that Ezekiel can do his work.” you insisted with nods of your head, “Look for a case, or something.”

“Do whatever you would do on any other day.” Your hand squeezed the shoulder it lay on, and Dean seemed to take in a calmer breath in response. “If it does, however, get too much or something then call me, all right? I just want to get Cas settled in-- That’s it.”

“I’ll be back before you know it.”

You stared at him for a moment. Waiting for at least some kind of signal while he took the time to think about what you said. And soon, you removed your hand from his shoulder after one final squeeze. Dean gave you a look with little nods of his head.

The bag you were trying to grab eariler slid back across the table. Back into the place it was before. And right as it got in front of you, the packing had began almost immediately.

You put all of the items in, maybe a little too fast, pressed it down a good few times. And while attempting to zip it up, Dean took the job of pulling the teeth together, so that you could actually close the damn thing.

“Okay,” you breathed out, swinging the bag that was increasingly heavier over your shoulder before turning to face Dean the moment it sat in a good position. He raised his head a little. “Let me know how Cas is then.”

His voice was a lot softer than it was before. A look of sincerity fighting its way through the panic in his eyes, despite his attempts to mask it.

“Of course.” you ensured with a few nods of your head. And Dean smiled.

It was short, which they always kind of were, as like every other time, before you could send him one yourself, he would change the subject.

For instance now he patted your back with a clear of his throat, looking through your eyes to see how badly you wanted to do this, before he simply turned.

Disappearing into the hallway.

~~~

The past few hours had felt like a wild goose chase.

You had gone from town to town, driving up and down every road numerous times, to search for this man. And you still had nothing.

No sign at all.

Eventually, after another clue you were following went cold, ending the same way as the last, a break was most definitely needed.

You found yourself in some convenience store. Being so consumed by the lack of your friend had caused you to forget about your own wellbeing. It hadn’t even struck in your mind until your stomach practically screamed at you to eat something.

So that’s what you did.

You laid out some bottles of water, food with actual nutrients in them and snacks that you wanted to see Cas try onto the counter before reaching for your wallet.

The cashier began putting the items in a few bags. And after paying, you took them, ignoring the ache that pulsed as soon as the weight got to your shoulders. “Thank you.”

With that, you were back outside, the sound of life engulfing your senses in a way that stopped your feet from moving any further.

Your eyes flickered back and forth between each street. You looked through the many people, that all seemed to walk in different ways, and the plethora of buildings that hugged the next.

“Where the hell are you, Cas.” A deep breath slowly filtered through your lungs, letting you take time to straighten yourself up.

An awarness of sweat suddenly grabbed your attention when the bags in your hands sort of slipped in response to the moisture. So, once you regained a strong grip. You turned. Making your way back down the street.

The familiar grumble however rumbled through your system, and though you were going to eat when back in the car, it seemed like your body was rather persistent.

You found yourself trying to maintain your balance. Juggling between keeping your hold on the bags and combing through your pockets for a Granola bar you had put in there for later. “Come on, man, where is--”

A sudden sound clattered through the busy air.

In that moment, your feet seemed to halt once again. Your eyebrows were furrowed, eyes flickering through the oncoming faces to see if anyone else had heard it...

But, somehow, No one had.

The bar you were looking for was now between your teeth, as you had finally found it. And once you convinced yourself that it was just your imagination, you divided the bags you held between each hand.

Though, right as you were about to take a step-

BANG.

There it was again.

“What the... What the hell?” You spun round, letting your confused eyes scan through the street you had just walked down to figure out what was going on.

And that was when your gaze landed on an alleyway.

You sort of stared at it for a moment. Weighing out all of the outcomes that checking it would have. However, your body reacted before your brain did as you started to backtrack.

Every part of your face was riddled with confusion and curiosity, which further increased when you actually got a glimpse of what was around the corner.

I mean, it was just an alleyway. But a blue jacket seemed to draw your attention from the surrounding bland colours, and your gaze soon landing on what appeared to be a man.

The longer that you looked at him, the more you took in what was around him. Which in fact lead you to realise that he was positioned in front of a bin, that loud sound being him discarding the lid so that he could actually look inside.

Immediately, your body retracted. Guilt flooded through your veins at the fact that you just stared at a random person trying to find food, because that was none of your business...

But before your eyes could follow the movements of the rest of your body, the man moved his head in a way that showed off his side profile.

And now you halted once again.

That face. The structure.

You could never forget it.

“Cas?”

The man before you, who had just grabbed onto the rim of the bin, twisted his head round so fast that when your eyes actually met, all the air in your lungs felt like it had disappeared.

“... Y/n?”

His voice.

That was his voice. A sound that ended up jumpstarting your brain as the bar dropped from your mouth. Forgotten.

You couldn’t look away from him while you moved further into the alleyway. An action that meant the nearer you got, the more you could see his face and the roughness that came with it.

There were prominent bags underneath those unforgettable eyes. Various patches of dirt littered across any part of skin that was on display, and he even had stubble sprouting across the lower part of his face.

It was a look that you never expected to see.

As soon as you got close enough, the bags in your hands fell to the floor one after the other. Your eyes wondered from his face to the, actually different, clothes worn on his body, and then back up again.

It was the man that pulled your best friend out of hell, the man who went through purgatory with you-- The person you had been trying to find for days on end with nothing but failure in return.

It was Castiel.

You pulled him into your arms so suddenly that you didn’t even realise it had been done until your chin was rested on top of his shoulder. He was real.

“What are you doing here?” His voice purely rumbled through your ears, but due to the longing of wanting to hear it in the first place, you didn’t move. A chuckle even fleated your lips at the feeling of his life underneath your fingertips.

Cas was lightly patting your back in response.

It was hesitant. Either because he didn’t know what to do, or it was because of the fact that he truly couldn’t believe that you were right there. That he could feel you.

Before he could figure it out, though, you pulled yourself back in a way that let your eyes fully take in the features of his face. Not daring to actually let him go.

“How did you find me?” Cas questioned instead, letting himself do the same thing until they began to flicker behind, scanning over where you had just come from, “Where’s Sam and Dean.”

The query had you stifling another laugh. An action that seemed to bring Castiel’s attention back to you, and soon that familiar expression of confusion tugged at his features. “What?”

“Am I not good enough for you?” you joked, leaning back a little to get a good view of that face. Apparently that signalled something else, however, and Cas’s head sort of lowered, his eyebrows knitting together even more. If that was even possible. “You know I would never think that.”

“Oh... No, Cas, I know that! I know! I just-- Forget it.” you insisted with a shake of your head, finally letting him go so that you could collect the bags that were previously left on the ground.

“Let’s get you sorted then, huh?”

Once they were all rounded up, you had twisted your body so that you could further signal to him that it was time to go. More so that you wanted to get back in your car and actually eat something...

But he never moved.

He was just stood there. Staring. His eyebrows twitching in a way that made your head mildly tilt to the side, “What are you waiting for?”

When the sound finally seemed to reach his ears, his body straightened up within a second. The taut, almost anxious, look on his face eased away. And that’s when he finally began to move.

“Come on.”

The door swung in with ease, and you walked in without a second to waste, carrying all the bags, including the duffle bag, despite Cas’s persistent protests, “All right, so,”

“I booked this place for a few days,” you begun through a strained voice, placing the array of plastic bags on the little table by the window, “It should be enough, but I can pay for longer if needed.”

You rounded up all of the stuff that needed to be refrigerated first and moved to do exactly that with the mini fridge, these rooms always seemed to have, by the sink.

It was only on the way back to the other items, however, that you realised Cas hadn’t responded to your words. Or even spoken at all since you got out of the car.

“You alright?” you questioned, though your back was now turned, and lifted the duffle bag from your shoulder. The lack of weight had you stifling the urge to let out a huff of relief before you placed the bag beside the rest of the food.

Cas was stood practically in the centre of the room. His eyes scanned across the patterns of the wallpaper, the carpet that had probably been walked on a thousand times, the door to the bathroom.

And then he turned again, looking at the bed he stood at the end of.

The singular bed.

“You’re not taking me back to the bunker,” His voice was lighter than usual, almost as if it didn’t want to come out at first. The range of deepness was still there however. One that seemed to make your body freeze whenever it boomed through your ears, “Are you?”

It took you a few seconds to do anything as your mind battled with multiple thoughts.

You wanted to say so many things. Apologise for so many things. But the idea that whatever came out of your mouth could possibly hurt him, in any way... You would rather say nothing at all.

And that’s exactly what you did.

Your fingers fumbled for the duffle bag in an attempt to distract yourself as much as possible, which proved hard, especially when unzipping the thing, due to the fact that any sound produced seemed to echo through the room.

You cleared your throat, beginning to take out any of the items that needed to go in the bathroom or in drawers--

“Y/n.”

The urge to sigh was immediate, but you stifled it just as fast.

The last thing you wanted was to make him feel worse than he probably already did. So, instead, you closed your eyes. Trying to collect yourself as much as possible before there was any sort of reaction.

“Cas,” you managed out after a moment. And after a subtle, quick, shake of your head, you finally twisted yourself round to face the man who hadn’t even moved an inch.

Those eyes.

Those beautiful-- I mean, blue eyes of his stared back in a way that was almost as if he was glimpsing into your soul. He was reading into absolutely any movement you made, and any look that showed on your face, even for a split second, like his life depended on it.

“Look,”

You slowly started to make your way towards the man who continued to watch your every move. Uncertain to even blink, as if you would just disappear when he opened his eyes again.

Instead, however, you were now standing right in front of him.

“I didn’t, uh… I didn’t really plan what I was going to do, or say, when this moment came.” You spoke slowly. A sort of hesitance becoming more and more apparent with every word… And soon the new human wasn’t the only one staring.

You gulped. “Cas... The angels.” His entire demeanour visibly shrunk. “I just… It’s going to make me sound like an asshole, and you have every right to be mad at us-- at me, but--”

“No,” Castiel suddenly stated, “No, I understand.”

Your eyes were narrowed. “You... You do?” That same confusion from earlier filled your veins, and did so even more when Cas simply nodded his head. “You want to protect.”

His voice was louder this time. And when he moved towards the singular bed, letting his hand closest graze across the sheets, your gaze could only follow, “Keep them away from danger,” he added on, slowly lowering himself to sit on the mattress, “It’s... understandable.”

Your heart ached. The sight of him; the way his eyes glazed, the way he sat, his voice. He looked so…drained. It hurt you to see it, but you couldn’t even begin imagine what he was feeling.

“Oh, Cas.”

A deep breath seeped into your lungs, and you moved in the next second before your brain could decide if it actually was a good idea.

And now here you were. Standing in front of the man, you had so desperately wanted to see for weeks on end, in a way that meant he had to lift his head to see your face.

The two of you stared at each other for a moment in a silence that didn’t seem to be uncomfortable. You took in each other’s presence, the disbelief from earlier finally beginning to dissapate as you stared into those ocean like eyes.

There was a multitude of things that seemed to swirl within them, and after realising that they had captivated you, a little too much, you remembered the sort of conversation you were having.

A sigh eventually made its way between your lips, and you began to lower yourself down until you were crouched before him. “It’s just for now… Okay?”

Your eyes never left his as an attempt to show your assurance. And to further prove yourself, you grabbed one of his hands. Having to hide your shock at how cold it was in your grasp, “I care about you too, Cas.”

“You know that right?”

That was the thing that finally seemed to gain a reaction.

His expression shifted in a way that was similar to earlier. Every feature across his face let go of the tension and taking its place was a sort of... soft look.

“Right?” you questioned again when there was no verbal response, and even lightly shook the hand you held onto as if it would make him speak.

Instead, Cas tore his eyes away from your own, a sort of timidness taking over his demeanour.

He was only able to lowly hum in acknowledgment to your words, and even when he nodded his head to show further understanding, it was a movement you almost didn’t see. A movement that seemed to flick a switch in your brain.

You began to think about what would happen when you left.

What would he do? What would he think about? Did he even know how a shower works?

I mean, yes, he was a grown, million year old, man. He also can sure as hell take care of himself, he has proved so many times. But he had just gone through failure after failure.

He had watched his brothers and sisters get thrown out of their home. And now they were coming after him. Wanting to kill, torture and who knows what else.

Castiel could handle himself, sure. But thinking about what he would do, or in fact not do, when those angels eventually found him... It had you sick to your stomach in an instant.

So, after staring at his tired face some more. After realising that this man had probably never had a day of comfort, of calmness. You finally had an answer to the question you had been asking yourself since the beginning of the search for Cas.

“Which is exactly why I’m going to stay with you.”

#castiel #castiel x reader #castiel supernatural #castiel spn #castiel novak #castiel novak x reader #gender neutral reader #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural x gender neutral reader #supernatural fanfic #spn #dean winchester

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deanwasalwaysbi · 2 years

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The Winchesters Pilot - What do we know about the box? Was that Samuel Campbell at the beginning?

The paper Mary found describes a magical box and says:

Follow the path of 1 toward Heaven. Second spot is four less seven Find the forth behind Hells door, Six suns set on the Western floor I will always lead you here, Ending the darkness that we all fear

My first thought was THE EMPTY - and I Screamed. but once I calmed down I started thinking dimensions and the Acreda. there are also strong Amara vibes I am choosing to ignore.

We have seen a demon get sucked inside, into this tiny box. So either it's a trap or it's a door. If it's a door I would expect it goes to another dimension.

Either way - what happens if a person we care about at some point gets sucked into the box too? 🤔 hrmm (don't hurt Lata!)

The MoL locked it up for a reason - which they wouldn't do if this awesome piece of tech was a no downsides monster trap. So maybe it can suck people in or the Acreda can use this to cross over. Per @greatcometcas Akreda is ancient Greek for Locusts and doesn't that just have Vibes.

The paper also had these symbols on it, one of which Samuel someone with a bag with the initials S.C. wrote in blood to open the Manhole of Letters at the beginning of the episode. (A bit of digital manipulation and highlighting) I was convinced the symbols would combine together to create the Men of Letters symbol. No such luck yet. Unless we separate them into their base ancient ruins. ...

Started with the assumption that this person was Samuel - possible Tom Welling stand-in notwithstanding - that leads me to some questions.

Apparently the symbol he drew into the dish is called an Odal Rune or an Othala. (thank you @swordofsun!) Unfortunately I know it as a symbol co-opted by nazis, but it's is one of the oldest and most widely used runes in ancient Norse, Germanic, and Anglo-Saxon cultures. It was used for the “o” sound and is symbolic of lineage and genetic inheritance.

So - so I had been assuming this Indiana jones looking man was Samuel Campbell, but is he? I still think that is most likely but it feels like this symbol should have been drawn in MoL legacy blood to open the door. We've seen that before. I'm fine with that being unnecessary, but it would be fun if that meant 1) Samuel had ties to MoL 2) The Campbells have some history with the Acreda or 3) That isn't Samuel.

This is about when @wigglebox asked me if that man looked like Jensen and, now that you mention it.... I don't see bow legs, but it does kind of look like the back of his head? Is this Jensen/Dean? Is this Henry/Gil? Is this just Samuel/Tom? IDK. Someone tell me who this looks like to you, where my hand freaks at?

I want it to be Dean, he's a legacy and it would be a fun twist, but I think Dean would be better able to handle himself and he's wearing a wedding ring so for that to be Dean he'd have to be married to Cas at this point - Which obv means I am fully on board 😂💙💚. Nah, I think it was likely Samuel.

Symbols on the paper (bear with me there are a LOT of interpretations online and I do not know what I'm doing):

MoL Symbol - Unicursal Hexagram associated with symbolic magical, and spiritual connections. "Our crest. The Aquarian Star, representing great magic and power. They say it stood at the gates of Atlantis itself." Combination of 2 Kauną (see below) and an ᚷ? (top right)

Apparently this is a combination rune used for protection - or protection of family. I feel like this looks like it's a combination of the two symbols Inguz - fertility or love and Isa/Isaz - ice or death. ᛝ + ᛁ (Top left)

Raido ? - Journey - combined with the symbol for message / god / odin. AR . Also seeing people referring to this as Energy - getting real "the heroes journey" vibes, Robbie. ᚮ + ᚱ

upside down Othada - apparently the main meaning of a reversed othada is “loss of home”? ᛟ

This one I could not find - the only combination I was able to come up with was a double ᛜ a ᛜᛜ which is an inguz from a different culture. Meaning seed, or energy. Creation. - Maybe the duplicate means destruction / the darkness? Like a reverse? It could just as easily be 2 Othadas doubled back on themselves which would be fun thematically.

Othada / Odal- Heritage/Legacy/genetic inheritance or separation or possession ᛟ

combination of Kauną/Kenaz & Igus ᚲ + ᛜ - getting so many interpretations off of these - Kenaz - love/relationship/fire, Igus seed/energy/creation.

If I didn't know better - and I think I do - I'd think this was about Amara - the elusions to god (reverse) and the darkness. But given what we already know I expect this to be about the Acreda. Mostly I think this is a warning about an interdimensional door. I was clowning for a second when I found an interpretation relating to a journey in time, but I don't think it holds up.

Thank you to @escapingpurgatorypodcast @endofthebookpod & dearly to @deanncastiel for the image source!

I sincerely hope someone who knows better can make some sense of this

#the winchesters spoilers #the winchester speculations #tw meta #spntw meta #tw tinhatting #(although it could also be a combination of the symbol for year and two symbols for elk. help. this is too available for interpretation)#original content #DOES ANYONE KNOW ABOUT ANCIENT RUNES? HELLO?#chuck won #supernatural meta #tw acreda #apollo #akreda #akrida

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lordstormageddidnt · 2 months

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There is something that has always deeply bothered me about the confession scene, and I haven't seen many people talk about it (no, this is not about how Dean should've rescued Cas or about how Dean was the homophobic version of this 🧍 emote the entire time). This opinion has been peer-reviewed by my friends who get all their supernatural information from me so I'm obviously correct.

Anyway. Cas should not have been taken by the Empty in s15e18 "Despair" and I will die on this hill.

For those of you havent watched Supernatural and only get information force-fed to you by me, the Empty is a supernatural entity that rules the afterlife where angels and demons go after they die. The Empty and Castiel have a very antagonist relationship, tracing back to at least season 13. Basically, Castiel died and annoyed the Empty into letting him come back to life.

Fast forwarding to season 14 (specifically s14e08, "Byzantium"), Jack (Castiel's adopted half-angel son) dies and the Winchesters attempt to revive him. Cas goes to Heaven to find Jack, but the Empty is looking for Jack, too. Cas attempts to trade his soul for Jack's, allowing Jack to be revived by the Winchester's spell with Castiel being taken to the Empty immediately. However, the Empty says this:

Deal. Oh, but not now. No, no, no, no, no. No, you see, I-I meant what I said. I-I want you to suffer. I want you to go back to-- to your normal life and-- and then forget about this and forget about me. And-- And then, when you finally give yourself permission to be happy and let the sun shine on your face, that's when I'll come. That's when I'll come to drag you to nothing.

When Castiel cashes in on this deal during s15e18, he tells Dean that the Empty will take him in his happiest moment, which Cas believes to be him confessing his love for Dean. Because he believes Dean will never reciprocate, this confession is Castiel's happiest moment, and he is giving himself permission to be happy when he finally tells Dean about his feelings.

But "happiest moment" isn't actually one of the conditions of the deal. Looking at the text, the Empty presents two conditions for when it will take Cas:

Cas needs to forget about this deal with the Empty

And then, Cas needs to allow himself to be happy

Like I said, the confession as it stands does fulfill the second condition. But Castiel never fulfilled the first condition of the deal. He never forgot about his deal with the Empty-- in fact, he starts his confession with an explanation of the deal he made.

Ergo, Castiel's love confession did not fulfill the terms the Empty laid out for the deal, and Castiel should not have been taken.

There is obviously a case to be made for following the letter vs spirit of the law (if you want to be really pedantic, Cas was in a windowless room with no sun to shine on his face), but it goes against the spirit of the deal for the Empty to take Cas when it did.

If you haven't seen the episode (s15e18 Despair), Dean lands a near-fatal hit on Billie (aka Death). Billie chases after Dean and Cas, and they hide out in the dungeon. Billie attempts to break down the door while Dean and Cas weigh how they can get out of this. Dean says that there is no way to stop Billie, and Cas comes up with the idea to summon the Empty (by experiencing his happiest moment, aka confessing his love); the Empty also hates Billie and would therefore snatch her up too when it took Cas.

The Empty states very explicitly that its whole purpose for the terms of the deal is that it wants Cas to suffer. Snatching Cas's happiness away from him when he thought he would be free causes Cas more suffering than the Empty taking him the minute Jack was revived. There is no suffering in Cas dying knowing that Dean a) knows how Cas feels and b) will be saved because of Cas's actions. There is, however, suffering in Cas dying without any way of saving Dean's life-- which is what would've happened if the Empty hadn't shown up.

Ergo, Cas's speech did not fulfill the terms of the Empty's deal, and even if it had, it would have been more in-character and in line with the spirit of the deal if the Empty had stayed out of it and let Dean die.

Ergo, Castiel should not have been taken by the Empty.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

#alfie #tayclown #supernatural #castiel #season 15 episode 18 despair #castiel's deal with the empty #red string era

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dothwrites · 1 year

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dothraki_shieldmaiden's 2022 Year in Review

i shall believe | rated: E | Word count: 80,745 | COMPLETE

Castiel Novak is a down-to-earth businessman. Most of the time. His romantic side has him secretly dreaming of Mr Right, a family, and happy ever after. Dean Winchester is a single father who doesn’t believe in happy families anymore. In order to keep his son safe and happy, he would sell his soul, but as a sadistic Dom takes an interest in him, he sells his body instead. A shared session at a BDSM club leaves Castiel intrigued and soon he finds himself willing to do anything in his power to heal the wounds that life has left on Dean’s soul. When he realizes that the very thing Dean dreads the most might just be what he needs, Castiel sets out on a mission - but maybe it’s just not in his power to save Dean. Will Dean be able to battle the demons that haunt him and find the happy ever after Castiel has dreamed up for them?

many the miles | rated: E | Word count: 61,220 | COMPLETE

After Dean's little brother moves to Stanford, leaving him behind in their hometown of Lawrence, Kansas, Dean feels untethered. The obvious solution is to go on semi-regular trips to see Sam. The problem is that the drive to Stanford is long, and Dean's not quite as young as he used to be. Pushing through isn't really an option. Enter The Carriage House, an Airbnb located halfway between Lawrence and Palo Alto. The price is right and the location is perfect. There's just one snag, and that comes in the form of Castiel Novak, the owner of The Carriage House. Castiel is smart, funny, and one of the hottest guys Dean's ever seen. Unfortunately, he's taken. Nevertheless, Dean and Castiel embark on a friendship that spans the miles between them. As their friendship deepens, Dean realizes that Cas is everything he wants, but the persistent question nags him: what if he's not everything Cas wants?

stability | rated: E | Word count: 17,991 | COMPLETE

Benny and Castiel have played this game so many times, with so many different rules. By now, Benny thinks that he could predict every one of Castiel’s moves. It’s led to a comfortable balance between the three of them, where there are no surprises. He relies on that rhythm, but tonight… Tonight, something’s different.

another night on mars | rated: E | Word count: 54,482 | COMPLETE

The first time Dean Winchester met Castiel Novak, he thought the alpha was the biggest asshole he'd ever met. No blockers, awkward, with outdated opinions on almost everything? The second time didn't go much better.

Whiskey & November | co-written with @friendofcarlotta | rated: E | Word count: 188,236 | COMPLETE

There is a place in L.A. where the richest of the rich can make their dreams come true. For an outrageous sum, they can hire an “angel” who is programmed to be exactly what they need: a stripper, a scientist, a temporary boyfriend. Most people don’t choose to question who the angels are, or where they came from. Sam Winchester is not most people. His brother Dean went missing in L.A. two years ago, and Sam has spent all that time trying to track him down. The trail leads him to a shadowy organization known as “Heaven” that coerces people into giving up their identities and personalities so they can be reprogrammed for Heaven’s purposes. Inside Heaven, trouble is brewing: two of the angels, Whiskey and November, are beginning to break through their programming. As they fall for each other and fight to remember who they are, they discover that they have an ally already working to bring down Heaven from within.

empty places | rated: M | Word count: 71,871 | COMPLETE

There’s something outside the house. Something is moving outside the house, moving inside the house. Maybe moving inside him. Something is outside the house, and it wants in. After tragedy derails his life, Castiel Novak needs to escape. He flees to Lawrence, Kansas, where he answers Dean Winchester’s ad for a roommate. There, he tries to mend the shattered pieces of his life. But as he starts to become closer with Dean, Castiel finds that escape isn’t so easy. The past doesn’t want to be left behind, and there’s something inside the house. Something hungry. And it won’t be appeased until it has him.

o weary traveler | rated: E | Word count: 107,436 | COMPLETE

Still reeling from the death of his father, Dean Winchester has one goal: make it home to Lawrence, where his kingdom and the rest of his life are waiting for him. His task is made infinitely more difficult when he shipwrecks on a mysterious island. When his crew and then his brother disappears, Dean enters into a deal with the island's mysterious inhabitant, Castiel, to keep them safe. The catch? He can never leave. Bound by his deal, Dean has no choice but to get to know Castiel, and what he finds is surprising. Castiel is kinder than he originally thought, even though he's harboring his own secrets and guilt. Dean needs to return to Lawrence, but he finds himself reluctant to leave Castiel behind. Meanwhile, Castiel knows that the kindest thing to do for Dean is to let him go, regardless of his own feelings towards him. As their relationship deepens into friendship and then something more, Dean and Castiel face both outside dangers as well as their own doubts. Can Castiel find it within himself to let Dean leave? Can Dean find it within himself to go? Or can these two create their own destiny?

#destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #dothwrites #every year i think that i wrote dick #and every year it turns out that i kind of wrote more than i thought #but just know that i am never satisfied with the amount of fic that i write #if i had my way i'd be pumping out a 100k fic every month

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youchangedmedestiel · 2 months

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My thoughts just after finishing Supernatural

One year ago on this exact same day I finished SPN. I watched 15x18, 15x19 and 15x20 in a row. I just ate dinner between 15x18 and 15x19 (weird dinner). After watching episode 15x20, I wasn't that pissed off about the end. It changed now, because I got the time to think about it.

See, I knew Cas wouldn’t appear in the last two episodes, but somehow I still hoped that the deal with the Empty wasn’t the reason, because he deserved to be happy. As I progressed through season 15 I felt it coming, even though I was hoping until the last second. And when I got to episode 15x18, I understood that it was this deal that was going to kill him but I didn't know how. That confession scene destroyed me but anyway I went to eat my dinner while being destroyed and then I came back to SPN to watch the last two episodes, knowing I wouldn’t see Cas anymore.

Then came episode 15x19, I've read often that people prefer to ignore 15x20 and I can totally understand (Dean deserved to live free and happy), but 15x19 is NOT a satisfying ending for me, because Cas is still in the Empty (well maybe not, but we don’t know that yet) and I just can’t, he can’t stay there, dead, I can’t accept that.

This is what allows me to appreciate 15x20 a little bit. But it’s not the only reason, because in this last episode I spotted several empty bottles of alcohol in Dean’s room and you all know why. He misses Cas, for sure, at least it’s my headcanon because I need it. Plus, he doesn’t stay long alive after Cas’s death, there is no real timeline. He couldn’t ask Jack to bring him back because Jack told them he wouldn’t intervene anymore and left. So maybe their hopes to get Cas out without Jack were at zero. But I’m sure Dean searched in the bunker’s library when he had the time to before he died. He searched for a way to get Cas out. And then he died (unfortunately, it still hurts).

Which brings us to episode 15x20. The end of SPN is “good” in a sense that Dean wanted Sam to have a life, a normal apple pie life, so it’s a happy ending for that, because he achieved his goal but HE DESERVED to have that too, for himself, that or anything he wanted, not only for his little brother but FOR HIM AS WELL.

AND ABOUT CAS? Well about Cas, especially the crumbles we got with “Cas helped” I totally understand why people feel pissed about it, I kind of feel like that too now. But when I first saw this scene, I was happy to hear about Cas because I already knew he wasn’t in the last two episodes so I wasn’t going to be as disappointed as people that waited to see the episode when it aired.

We learn that Cas remade Heaven (with Jack’s help) to do a Heaven Dean deserves, and I - for me it was like Cas fucking succeeded to give Dean what he deserved. He not only saved his life multiple times, but also told him he loved him, made him believe that he did and gave him freedom (for a short amount of time, I’m really pissed about that for sure and I’m sure Cas is too, like he wasn’t expecting him so soon) but he also changed Heaven for him, to make one he deserved.

HE CHANGED THEE ENTIRE HEAVEN FOR THE MAN HE LOVES. I’m going to cry writing this, because that’s like the greatest love story ever told. And yes I would have done things differently, but I can’t and with what they gave us I do what I want. And we have an angel of the Lord, that rebelled against Heaven and that was dead, being back and building a new Heaven for Dean to enjoy eternity with the people he loved. He knew Dean was made of love and he needed a space to express it, and Cas gave it to him (with Jack of course) but damn *typing with tears in the eyes* that still hits me soooo damn hard. Because when someone love you enough to tell you they do without excepting something in return, sacrifice themselves while doing it without having an answer about whether their feelings are requited, and remake Heaven for you to have the afterlife/eternity you deserve, nothing can beat that. THIS here, this is what grabs my heart and clenches it every damn time. The greatest love story ever told. No one, NO ONE can change my mind.

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trsf-theblog · 6 months

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Anna Milton

I'm watching the Anna episode, and I've got so many thoughts for this one. My first watch through, I struggled to like Anna after she remembered she was an angel. In part because she becomes a lot more stoic - she became who she used to be, and the human version of her seemed to just be...gone. I think Anna would have been way more interesting as a mix of human with a lifetime of angelic memory. And she gets a little more like that while she's talking to Dean on that car trunk in the Yard. But there's still too little of that human she used to be left in her personality for me. It made that whole sex scene between her and Dean feel...empty? Anna had so little personality once she became an angel, and approached Dean with the same lack of personality, so it didn't feel...erm...passionate. Let's call it that. As someone who identifies as ACE and also thinks there is way too much sex-for-sex's-sake in our media/entertainment, it bothered me on my first watch through. It bothered me less with time, but it always seemed out of place. (OMG, also, can we PLEASE talk about how she puts her hand over Cas's handprint? Like?!!? SHE WOULD KNOW WHAT THAT WAS. That made the whole thing seem very...hmm...like a pointed message to her former suboridnate 🤣) ((As does the kiss she gives Dean, which the show very purposefully cut to Cas's reaction for. Like. You don't cut to another guy's face mid-kiss for no reason.)) (((Personally, I think it was a way to start showing Castiel's...weakness for humanity. Not necessarily romantically, but for sure in curiosity. It fits too when later everyone shuts their eyes when Anna gets her grace back expect Cas. He's staring at her with such open curiosity and awe. I'm pretty sure it took way fewer episodes for me to fall in love with Cas, but this one cemented it))) Anyhoo, back to Anna! I struggled with her more and more every episode she was in because she just went more and more stoic-angel. And what a bummer! She had soooo much potential to be a cool, involved character. I never understood why they didn't use her more. Second thought - Part of me wants to have gone further into why Anna chose to fell, especially with the possible rising tension in the upper ranks of Heaven with the Apocalypse coming. It seemed like a perfect opportunity to lay groundwork for Heaven being the bad guy. Anna either found out more than she wanted to know or just got a sense Heaven wasn't what it was supposed to be. They show could have sprinkled a bit of that in and made Anna more of a key player in being on the humans' side when the time came. Third part! Oh My God. Why was Dean sooo damn interested in her after he found out she was an angel. He was a bit flirty when she was human, but guys, it like...tripples once she reveals she's an angel. He does the whole half-smirk, green-doe-eyed smile around her allllll the time. Guys. Dean is so hot for angels, and the second one came along with them female looks, he was ON THAT 👀 Aaaaaangel kiiiiiiiiiiink. That's our boy!

Lastly, can we talk about Alistair knowing how to exorcise Cas? I don't fully know why that hit me in the good-storytelling bits, but oh boy did it. And I love that Dean saves him from it. You could argue it's kinda just nature for Dean in a fight, but that was Alistair he was taking on. The whole point of that battle was to let the angels and demons fight each other (and get out of the way), and he couldn't let Alistair "kill" Cas. I love how early on that friendship was being written. They could have had it be Sam or Dean or Anna who got Alistair off Cas, but nope! They picked Dean 😁 Anyhoo, that's my ramble for tonight! I'm supposed to be writing (I haven't written anything in two weeks 😭) but since I'm stuck on the damn Morton House (seriously - have I ever told you guys I don't like writing Sam when he's away from Dean? THEY are supposed to be the co-dependent ones, dammit 🙄) I thought hey, I'll post here! At least I'm keeping those writing/Supernatural/fangirl vibes flowing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ So! Help me get some planning gears in motion. What do you all want to see out of Anna in TRSF? I have one idea at the moment, but I don't know if I'll go that way, as it conveniently takes Anna out of the story. And I juuust ranted about how much I did not like the show for doing that🤦‍♀️ She'd get to live happily as a human at least! But the more I think about it, the more I know she has potential as a character. I also know that the Muse and I have a habit of shying away from the women on the show Dean gets busy with. A small part of me thinks "NO, he's for Cas, back off ladies!", but that's me fangirling and I know that. A bigger part of me doesn't want to write him getting intimate with other characters (although for some reason, Cassie and Lisa don't trigger this at all - just Bela and Anna). The largest part yet is actually just angry and holding a grudge against the show writers for the amount of queer-baiting we got followed by under-developed and sometimes forced-on-us relationships, particularly with Dean.

Hmm, that's probably why Cassie and Lisa don't trigger this issue. Those relationships well developed and had purpose/fullfillment in them. Plus, the characters were well written and had depth! But Anna's relationship with Dean felt especially forced. And so my default planning definitely went towards avoiding her. Heeey, look at me writing out my thought process until I reached an understanding! Now I know why I want to avoid Anna, which means it's time to get the Muse working on the exact opposite 🤣 And that ramble got away from me. Go back to telling me what you all want to see from an Anna story arc in TRSF! Please and Thank you in Advance for all ideas and inspiration! 😁

#supernatural #8.years.of.silence #fanfiction #the road so far (this time around)#dean winchester #castiel #anna milton #s4e10 #spn

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angelsdean · 2 years

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what if the empty was actually the big bad of s15, not chuck. silly meta with very little proof that i've been thinking about for weeks but.

like, ok, bare with me. so, the empty was thee title card of the season, right? which to me feels like it should have been a larger presence than it was. and yes, the empty gets cas in the end, but mmmm, that doesn't feel like enough. ever since the empty was introduced, it's been vindictive, spiteful, and furious at being disturbed and awoken by cas.

a point was also made to establish that the empty is an ancient cosmic entity that exists outside of god's control.

god has no domain in the empty. the empty also doesn't belong on earth or in heaven or other realms, but from what we saw in the episode where cas makes his deal, it can leave it's dimension and invade other realms. we also see this when it visits Death's library.

throughout the seasons the empty is shown to have a clear agenda against cas. it targets jack to get to cas. it wants cas to suffer. and it /knows/ who cas loves. it knows all of cas's weaknesses. so, why wouldn't it toy with the winchesters? make them suffer, make them lose everything?

another thing we know about the empty is that it can take on various forms.

and this post about the disconnect between early seasons chuck as "an absentee authorfathergod" vs s15 chuck who is thirsty for revenge really got me thinking....what if that wasn't chuck at all in s15. what if it was the empty posing as chuck, wreaking havoc for the sole purpose of making cas and the winchester's suffer?

like i said i don't really have much "proof" to back this up it's just a silly little thought, though i'm sure if i rewatched s15 i'd start connecting dots to prove the theory but two things i do have to offer is,

first: “chuck” disappearing all the people. Sure, god could do that, but there's just something about leaving the world utterly Empty that pings little lights in my brain. there is a profound sense of emptiness throughout 15x18 which then culminates in cas being taken by the empty. we already know there was a clear parallel being made with charlie and sam losing their significant others in that ep and then dean losing cas. so it would be all the more fitting it it *was* the empty responsible for all those losses.

second: lucifer and lilith coming back. both were in the empty. god supposedly has no domain in the empty.

now spn has been finicky about it's lore in the past, like cas has come back / been brought back before by god / gadreel but those instances were before the empty was introduced as a concept so. ignoring that for a moment, one could reason that god shouldn't have the ability to bring back angels and demons from the empty. in fact, billie literally keeps jack stashed in the empty for a while specifically because god would not be able to reach him / detect him there.

later the empty contradicts this saying that god isn’t supposed to have domain over the empty but that’s a lie and that billie has promised to fix this glitch. they also say they’re warded from entering earth. however, isn’t that exactly what an evil entity would say to mislead you so you don’t figure out they’ve been possessing god’s vessel the whole time? yea.

anyways so, when cas comes back in s13 it's because the empty decides to release him. so, the empty-possessing-chuck would totally be capable of bringing lucifer and lilith back for funsies too. and LIKE HELLO:

lastly, the empty's pretty pissed at jack too for exploding inside it and making it loud. so when jack "becomes god" that's the empty leaving the chuck vessel and taking over jack.

and finally, what does the empty do best? put people to sleep and create illusions. the empty wants to sleep. the empty wants quiet. and who would threaten their quiet more than the winchesters? especially the one looking to bust out his angel. so, dean and sam think they won but they're sleeping. that over saturated heaven? sam's whole life post-dean? nothing but a dream. the empty won.

#oh this got so long. im sorry #but anyways. been tossing this around my brain for like 3 weeks #the empty won theory #also this has nothing to do w that chuck won meta post that's been going around. i still think chuck totally won not trying to dispute that #and i plan on reading that whole meta sometime soon #this is just. insane victoria thoughts that i finally sat down to write out lol #spn meta #long post #vic.txt #mymeta

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thefrogsthewaterturnedgay · 9 months

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Spn finale- three years later

So i know i might be a little late to this but i have just finished binging supernatural. After s15e20 i have some thoughts.

First off: Cas. Where is he? In heaven Bobby mentioned Cas "helped jack" when fixing heaven. Does that mean Cas is in heaven? I thought he couldnt come back from the Empty? If he is in heaven then why dont we see him? If he is in the Empty then why did Bobby say that??? Its never brought up.

And then theres Cas' death. It's hardly mentioned past episode 18, and its mentioned like once in 20.

And they never mention or acknowledge the love confession!!!!!!!

Second: What about Jody and Claire and Donna and Kaia and other world bobby and charlie and all the other people they cared about? Only Donna is really in 18 and none of them are past that. Did they ever come back after Chuck got defeated? Presumably they did. But why don't they ever show up? Wouldn't Claire probably want to be there when Sam burns dean's body? Wouldn't Jody? The point the show tried to make was that Sam didn't have anybody left? so they just ignored these other characters????

Third: After all those years 15 years Dean dies from a RUSTY NAIL??? ON A CASUAL RANDOM JUST ANOTHER WEDNESDAY VAMPIRE HUNT??????????????

WHO SAID THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA????

Finally: Wasn't the whole point of everything they did for 15 seasons, all those apocalypses and not-quite-deaths free will? Wasn't the whole point of defeating Chuck them finally getting out of the hamster wheel and living their own lives? Then dean dies like immediately after, and the whole thing is framed like sam has no one left and has to build a whole new life. Not even acknowledging the people they lost along the way (CAS?!?!) Or the people he still has left (see: second point).

So in conclusion, total shit finale, so many things weren't addressed or just tied up terribly.

Please, I need some good fix-it fics so if you have recs please tell me.

#supernatural #cj posts #spn #spn finale #destiel #s15e18 #dean winchester #team free will #spn finale hate #spn writers #fic recs #please i need recs #claire novak #jody mills #bobby singer #sam winchester #castiel #spnfandom

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wigglebox · 2 years

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the shittiest thing is that there isn’t anything wrong with 15x18′s scene [the one thing i wish is that dean could have talked back and answered but i think we know why he didn’t]

bad things can happen to queer characters. the empty deal was set up since season 14 and it’s been dangling over our heads until 15x18 and the longer we went we either thought they forgot about it or we were clowning that destiel would be the thing that made him happy and indeed it was.

bad things can happen to queer characters if you allow the story to take flight from there. 15x18 wasn’t bury your gays [imo], indeed, technically, cas was taken alive to the empty. he wasn’t killed he was just kidnapped lol.

the issue wasn’t that the empty deal was fulfilled because again, it happened. it happens.

this show can have very sad moments. the show killed him in the season 12 finale too but we knew he was coming back so it was okay.

the problem was never 15x18. that scene was beautiful, the immediate aftermath is haunting, and its impact on the fandom and pop culture was felt deeply. sp8, bobo, jackles, misha, they all did a very good job. i can play that scene in my head like it’s on screen in front of me beat for beat.

the problem was the fact that 1519 and 1520 did literally no follow up.

****I’m going to state for the record right now, I don’t believe that cas is in heaven so that’s going to take up the bulk of the second half of this so if that spec really upsets you pls don’t continue ;_;

15x18 ended and dean’s ignoring a phone call from sam, who he knows could very much well be in trouble. it was quiet, he was crying, it was sad, we all cried, we were all so happy but also so sad, it was a beautiful tornado of emotions that any writer and actor and director should feel proud of telling.

the issues came first with 15x19 when you had little emotional follow up. idk who inserted the scenes where it appeared dean was really struggling with what happened but he never explained really what happened to anyone. he didn’t say aaaaanything. he didn’t explain. nothing.

there was that report from a set watcher that said in their first scene where they try to give themselves up to chuck and he’s talking about bringing cas back that he was really really emotionial, whereas in 1519 it didn’t seem as emotional as we know he can get, and has already gotten before. but that’s more up for debate because we don’t know that person’s parameters for ‘emotional’

but regardless, dean’s emotional state in 1519 didn’t linger too much on 1518. i feel like you can feel jackles struggling to try and demonstrate that where he could but what also sucks is that he’s not in charge of what takes they use.

the last time we hear dean say cas’ name is when he gets that phone call and it’s lucifer — some more queer coding and the last bit of it we see for the rest of the show.

and after that, literally, i’m serious — like go back and watch the episodes if you don’t believe me — dean never says cas’ name again after that.

so already out of the gate, a man who, through our own past witnessing of his emotional state after cas has gone, should be really just completely frozen. maybe not completely, only bc you’d imagine he’d draw on that inner emotionality and help use it as a tool, and we do get ‘that’s not who i am’ or whatever but there’s still no....impact.

1519 muffled the emotional impact of 1518.

1520 shoved it in the ground and covered it with 8 feet of cement.

1520 has a whole host of issues which like — conspiracy after conspiracy as to what happened exists but the fact remains is i do believe them when they say the final script post-covid wasn’t all too far from the original pre-covid. i know there were reports from 2020 vegas con that one of the actors, i think kim or bri, said they were still working on fine tuning the script — but regardless — i don’t think it was ever going to be too far off.

my complicated emotions on 1520 range from genius episode to oh my god what the fuck episode — but the fact of the matter is we were likely never going to see cas again.

sam mentions him in a group with others, bobby mentions him as an after thought etc etc. the worst thing is that we were likely never going to see cas on screen again because if you did you’d have to put him on the same screen with dean and if that happened the people would want an answer to 1518 straight up

so we replace him with jimmy instead and what likely would have been our last glimpse at a good queercoding, the last strong punch to dean’s 15 mile deep glass ceiling they have on top of him. jimmy was supposed to be dressed like cas, and they were supposed to talk. dean’s reaction to seeing him was supposed to initially be emotional before he realized it wasn’t cas.

but even that wouldn’t have helped 1518 because we still wouldn’t have seen cas.

they never explain how cas ‘helped’ rebuild heaven, how he got out of the empty only two episodes after he got in there, why he doesn’t show his face [which i feel like would have been even more ‘wtf??’ when we saw jimmy but not cas], etc etc. since we didn’t see him on screen, and never was going to see him on screen, i did not believe he was in heaven at all.

all this unspoken dialogue and scenes explaining to us literally, — as dean and sam hunt monsters who literally rip the tongues out of people and dean gets first pied in the face [with a laughing robert singer behind him] and is stabbed in the back and killed — that the lack of emotional response and feedback and story post 1518 was a deeper issue behind the scenes with the creatives.

the problem wasn’t 1518, cas being taken by the empty as part of his deal, etc etc.

the problem was there was no emotional follow up, no contemplating, no empty rescue, no more dean and cas on screen together, etc etc etc.

[which, as part of the meta conspiracy — 1502 cas tells dean ‘we are (real)’ and now they’re not on the screen anymore by the end together soooooo was....any of that real?]

but regardless, spec, meta, and whatever aside

the problem was never 1518. 1518 is at the good kids table. the problem was, and forever will be, the episodes that came right after and didn’t do anything with that incredibly emotional and impactful scene.

#so it's not bury your gays #gays can die gays can get hell deals made and bad things can happen to gay charactres #the problem is what do you do with that?#and buckleming and singer and tobe fair i have to say dabb #dropped the ball on that one #and it's not misha's fault and it's ridiculous 1) producers would make him 'defend cas' death' and 2)#stupid that the fandom would blame him for it too and be up in his mentions being pissy #i'm sorry #long post #salt #1518 #mc #spn cast

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earlgrey-aziraphale · 1 year

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The thing about the Empty is the silence. Cas had forgotten.

He has felt loneliness before, and grief, too, like a gaping wound–he is millions of years old, that is nothing new. He has experienced nearly everything a being can, in his hundreds of thousands of human lifetimes. But this, this nothing–is unlike anything he’s felt since the very beginning of the Universe. He has always, even without his Grace, felt the electric-pulse presence of his brethren calling out to him, the ambient noise of Creation at large. Here, he is an angel beyond even Heaven’s reach–no gamma wave of thought, no solar flare of emotion can reach him. He has never been alone before, not like this.

It is like losing a limb, like going blind.

He looks out at the void. This is Eternal Sleep, for his kind, and it is long, and boring, and—empty.

He is straining to hear something, anything. His steps don’t echo, here-they’re absorbed by the nothing, nothing, nothing around him. He had gotten used to the noise on earth. The rustle of wind through trees, the squelch of wet earth beneath his boots. The rumble of an engine.

Silence, he knows, can drive humans insane. Left alone in the dark and quiet for too long, they begin to fear the sound of their own heartbeat. He has no heartbeat, here.

You have nothing, says his nightmare. It is wearing Dean’s face. You’re all alone.

Under extreme stress, the human mind will conjure voices from thin air, figures from the suggestion of a shadow. Lies, to remind the brain it is still alive. Castiel is not human. This is not a trick of his own mind–he has no need of earthly light, or sound, or sensation, and he need not conjure any. This is the Empty’s revenge. It knows his thoughts, his desires. It can see inside his memories, and it will corrupt each one until he has nothing left that isn’t tainted.

He shuts his eyes—even the ones that don’t exist in this form—knowing it will not be enough. He will see it anyway.

Dean is here, in the driver’s seat of the Impala. There is music playing.

There is no music, in the Empty. No twang of guitars, no thumping bass, turned high enough to feel in his chest. No hoarse human voice, singing along.

Come on Cas, you know the words.

He does. REO Speedwagon.

And I meant

Every word I said

When I said that I loved you I meant that I loved you forever

Where they are doesn’t matter–landscape after landscape blurs past, here an open midwestern road, there a pass between hills, pine trees stretching above. They had lived this day a thousand times, in a thousand places: a case behind them, and nothing but the road ahead of them for miles.

And I’m gonna keep on loving you

‘Cause it’s the only thing I wanna do

I don’t wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on loving you.

He doesn’t know how long it has been. Time goes a little funny, in the Empty. Somewhere, seconds or maybe years ago, Cas had told Dean he loved him, and for a moment—just a blink to even a human lifetime—he had been happy. He wonders if Dean was, in the end.

He takes in the stubble coming in at that familiar jaw, the softness of that hair in the late afternoon light—and it makes him want more than anything to touch. To feel the warmth of those thighs through rough denim, that stubble against his cheek. Not that he ever could have, before. He could never have had Dean Winchester—he could have the memory of those hands tapping a beat on the steering wheel, that voice calling him Cas—it felt more intimate, somehow, more like him than the one humans couldn’t pronounce, and angels rarely used.

Even that is gone, now. Beyond his reach.

We’re not looking for you. No one is coming. His nightmare turns to look at him like they’re sharing a joke, and it is so like Dean in the quirk of that eyebrow, that easy grin.

I know, he answers, simply. Castiel isn’t delusional—no one is coming for him, this time.

There are no more deals to be made.

#so sorry #this was gonna be a rescue fic it just may never get finished so have the angst #spn #fic #deancas #my fic #destiel #spn 15x18

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dangerouscowboyfrog · 1 year

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Ways I think Destiel could have ended because my brain likes to see me suffer.

Castilel telling Dean how he feels (you changed me etc.) and Dean just staring at him for a moment knowing what this means, what it always means, before moving in, kissing Cas like he never kissed anyone before. It's a short broken and messy kiss, but that's all they get, all they ever got. Dean holds on to Cas, aware of what happens next, what always happens. Cas pushing his love away, letting the empty tkae him to safe the men he fell for.

Dean not letting himself being pushed away, grabbing onto Cas like a drowning man would grab a plank. The empty slowly crawling towards Cas, so painfully slow and inevitable. "I can't loose you. Not again" Deans voice is rough and low, the tears he held back being set free. Cas shakes his head, another tear falling down. The last words the angel heard before they both got drowned by darkness were spoken with the softest voice Cas ever heard. "I love you too Cas. Of course I do."

Dean is in heaven. The way he went out wasn't really how he wanted to go, but when does a Winchester ever get what he wants? The hunter looked around, a smile appearing on his now younger face. His baby, his Impala was here too. The brunette walked to his car without a second thought, slowly opening the door. It felt wrong. Whenever he drove his baby there was always someone next to him. His Das, Sammy or- ...or Castiel. Dean sighed. With a heavy heart he gets into the car. Just when he wanted to start the motor, a familiar rustle of feathers was heard next to him. Dean freezes, not daring to look up, this can't be he can't face another fake Castiel he- "Hello Dean" Still frozen in place but now with tears falling freely on his cheeks. Slowly still not daring to look up did the green eyed man raise his head. A hand touches his face cupping it with soft hands and finally Dean looks up. There he was. The love of his life, his Angel his savior his best friend. The soft smile was filled with love and adoration. Deans hoarse voice cut through the silnce. "Dammit Cas... I thought I lost you I- I-", his voice broke away. Cas let go of Deans face pulling him into a warm hug. "I love you too Cas, I love you so so much I'm so sorry I couldn't say it I lost you I couldn't I-". Castiel listened. He whispered into the hunters ear that it's okay and that it wasn't his fault. They didn't break their hug for a long long time.

The empty appears lo ot out of nowhere. The black tentacles giving of a disgusting sound. Castiel pushes Dean away from him, away from the dangerous black goo. Just in time. Only moment later and the door is flying through the room, death rushing in. They stop dead on their way to their victims as they realize what's going on. Without giving death a chance to fight the black goo shoots towards them to grab and take them into the everlasting darkness. Castiel doesn't care about that, not breaking eye contact with the human on the floor. A last tear falls as the angel turnes around, facing the black goo, ready to go. But no tentacles reach out for Castiel. Nothing happens. After a few seconds, a head made of goo appears in the black portal. "You gave me something good Castiel. I may still hate you, but for this pleasure I will grant you freedom." With those words the portal closes. Castiel falls to his knees legs weak from the thought of still being alive. Dean slowly stands up, not sure what he should say. He stays silent. Castiel breathes slow and thankfull before he stands up with a painful grunt. He turns around slowly and looks at Dean with eyes that scream of forgiveness and love. They fall into each other a hug turning into a desperate kiss. They stay like this for a long time.

#supernatural #destiel #dean deserved better #castiel deserved better #dean winchester #castiel #english isn't my first language #fanfiction #lin talks #this is how i want them to go #either together or not at all

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spencereliotwinchester · 1 year

Text

Free Falling

Title: Free Falling

Word Count: 1,821

Summary: Sam sacrificed himself to the pit to trap Lucifer, and Dean is having trouble dealing with that. Non-Canon, alternate storyline. 5x22 “Swan Song”

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Death, 5x22, Swan Song, hurt/no comfort, attempted suicide, depression, wincest, ANGST, ANGST, ANGST, so much angst

Main Character(s): Dean Winchester

A/N: Blame @hoboal87 for this.

Based on this gif:

Tags: @hoboal87, @writethelifeyouwant, @negans-lucille-tblr, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @outofnowhere82,

His fist raised, but something in Sam’s eyes changed. Dean could barely see through his blood-filled, blurry vision, but Sam’s fist fell and he jumped away. Dean watched in slow motion a giant hole opening, Sam and Adam falling. It was mere seconds, but for Dean it took hours.

Cas back to heaven, Bobby back home in South Dakota, and Dean alone. Bobby offered for him to stay, but he couldn’t. He could barely sit in the impala with how it reminded him of his brother, but the thought of remaining stationary made his skin itch and crawl. Sam, a constant pulse in his brain on repeat no matter where he was. Diners, motel rooms, laundromats.

Dean went so far as to drive to Colorado and camped in the Rocky Mountain National Park. The first night, he did sleep, but the next night that was chalked up to how exhausted he was. The third night, Dean could only think about the last time he and Sam had gone camping. The ground digging into his knees, even with a mattress pad laid out in their tent, Sam’s breathy moans, the feel of his cock buried in his brother’s ass, the sight of Sam’s sinewy back arching under his touch. It was a strange comfort.

Dean felt empty, hollow, and startlingly alone when he opened his eyes the next morning. He grabbed a backpack of supplies and began up a hiking path that followed along a burbling stream of crystal clear water. Dean stopped and squatted down to look into the stream, appreciating the soothing sound that was drowning out the constant barrage of Sam his brain kept throwing at him.

Voices, real voices, distracted him. He looked up the trail and saw two females making their way toward him, the brown-haired female talking animatedly about the gorgeous view from the outlook they were hiking down from. A tan and green plaid scarf hung loosely around her neck and Dean was reminded painfully of the color of Sam’s eyes.

“Got a problem, dude?!”

Dean had been staring unknowingly, mind lost in the soft hazel of Sam’s loving eyes the last night they’d spent together in bed. He held up his hands in an apologetic gesture and said, “sorry… Sorry, I just spaced out.”

He quickly stood up and started up the path again as the blonde made a disgusted scoff. He felt embarrassed, but his mind quickly swept up his thoughts into memories that immersed him deeply into the understanding of how lost and isolated he felt. The last time was when his dad had disappeared and Sam was at college. Dean wasn’t sure how long he walked the path, but the sun was directly overhead when he came across the outlook point the woman had been talking about. It was a large open space, overlooking a vast portion of the national park.

He walked right up to the guard rail and scanned the expansive forest and mountains. A wide river flowed through the valley below, cutting a path as far as he could see. The view truly was breathtakingly beautiful. It’d be so easy to just step over the guard rail and fall, just as Sam had fallen. The view was almost as beautiful as Sam, it would be a great last view of the world. Dean took a quick step back, bewildered at the intrusive thought. The feeling of emptiness would be gone, though. He wouldn’t have to be alone, make decisions, or deal with the overwhelming grief that was swallowing him whole.

What was he without Sam anyway? Sam; brainy, creative, selfless, and clever. What was he? Quick-tempered, borderline alcoholic, impulsive with a knack for getting himself nearly killed. A follower that was completely paralyzed, unable to make a move without someone shouting directions and guiding him.

Dean stepped back up to the rail and leaned as far as he could, hands braced on the rail, looking curiously over the side of the cliff. It was easily a two hundred foot drop to the trees below if not more. He had a white-knucked grip on the guard rail and his heart started pounding erratically at the mere thought of a free fall. The instinct of survival warred with grief and depression, thoughts bouncing back and forth, pros and cons, like a game of ping pong. Grief was winning, chanting Sam and alone and worthless.

“I’m sorry, Sammy,” Dean choked, tears springing to his eyes. He wiped a hand across his face and continued, “you busted your ass, you lost everything, everyone... And your reward? Getting killed... On my watch. If I... It was on me. I should have done more, found another way… It should have been me, and... And there's nothing I can do to make that right. I am so sorry."

He looked down at his hands, still gripping the guard rail. A tear dripped from his cheek and splashed on his knuckle. He took his backpack off and set it down on the ground, then cautiously, carefully, he stepped over the rail, turning so his hands were still gripping it. The space between it and the cliff edge was so small that over half of Dean’s boots were hanging off. He was still staring at his hands; all he had to do was let go of the railing. Let go, and be free.

“Wait! Stop!”

Dean jerked his head up, a park ranger was sprinting toward him. He released his grip, pushing away from the rail. He briefly saw the park ranger still running toward him, mouth moving like he was still yelling, but the only sound he could hear was the blood rushing through his veins; like when he held seashells against his ear on the beach. His heart was beating faster than it ever had before, like it was trying to get as many beats in as it could before it died and Dean stared up into the sun-filled sky as his stomach seemed to plummet faster than his body. He felt strangely euphoric, though, with the amount of adrenaline-powered fear coursing through his body. He closed his eyes.The last thought that crossed his mind was to wonder if this had been what Sam felt.

“You irritate me, you know that?”

Dean snapped his eyes open, disoriented, and looked around. He was sitting at a table in a small diner across from Death, who was taking a bite of a burger. Dean looked down at the table and saw there was a burger and fries in front of him too.

“Eat.”

It wasn’t a request. Dean picked up the burger and took a bite. The taste was familiar, a long distant memory that he couldn’t quite pull to the surface. His stomach churned uncomfortably and he set the burger down, forcing himself to swallow.

“Y-You’re here to reap me?” Dean asked, breaking the tense silence.

“No.”

Dean was taken aback, his mouth opened and closed, trying to form a coherent sentence.

“Stop that. You look like a fish out of water. It’s unbecoming of you, Dean.”

Dean snapped his mouth shut, but threw Death a petulant glare in return. He watched Death eat the rest of his burger in silence, unsure of what to say or do.

“I told you to let your brother fall into that fiery pit.” It was a statement of fact that didn’t make Dean feel any need to open his mouth; he waited for Death to continue. “The one time I decide to do you a favor, trust that you’ll fulfill destiny, you go and try to kill yourself.”

“Give me a break!” Dean snapped angrily. “I spent my whole life fighting that crap. There's no such thing as destiny. Just like-”

Dean’s voice died in his throat as Death raised his eyes to Dean’s and widened them as though daring him to finish his sentence.

“Not hungry?” He asked. Dean shook his head, staring at the tabletop. “You have so much fun wrecking the natural order. I wonder if you would change if you were the one who had to clean up the mess.”

Dean glanced up, but looked away from Death quickly.

“You and your brother,” Dean looked back up to Death who was speaking in a slow, dangerous tone, “are an affront to the balance of the universe and you cause disruption on a global scale,” Death hissed the last few words, eyes flashing in anger; Dean recoiled slightly, eyes wide.

“I…Apologize for that,” he whispered in a fear-filled voice.

“I need you to continue to do what it is you do, so I’m going to do you a favor to keep you from making another half-cocked decision that’ll damn the universe.”

Death stood.

“I always thought I was insignificant to you,” Dean blurted out before he could clap a hand across his mouth.

A mirthless smirk flashed across Death’s face, “Well. Guess you learned something today. It’s about the souls, Dean. You’ll understand when you need to. Now, I’m going to do you ***one more favor. Try not to squander this one.”

Death touched his ring with the opposite hand and Dean suddenly toppled over on the ground. He scrambled to his feet, head whipping around. He was about thirty feet from the outlook point he’d thrown himself off of. The park ranger was still leaning over the railing, his back to Dean.

His heart was thudding almost painfully in his chest and Dean felt an ominous sense of foreboding from Death’s words. He scowled to himself, he truly didn't have a decision that was his, solely his; free will really didn't exist for him. Had it ever? Probably not, but to have it so blaringly thrown in his face stung.

The park ranger turned around, speaking into his radio asking for backup. They looked up at each other at the same time; Dean’s eyes widened in realization and the ranger shrieked.

“You! You just-” he gestured frantically at the railing. “HOW?!”

He walked forward purposefully and the park ranger moved away from him in fear. Dean grabbed his backpack from beside the railing and slung it over his shoulder. Then he looked at the ranger, seeing fear and confusion on his face.

“Apparently it’s not my choice and it’s not my time to die,” he deadpanned.

Then he turned and sprinted as fast as he could back down the trail. No one would ever believe the park ranger, he reasoned. Normal people didn’t magically appear out of thin air. Dean had accepted that he wasn’t normal a long time ago.

He threw his camping gear into the impala as fast as he could, not wanting to run into the park ranger again. Tearing out of the park as fast as he could, Dean couldn’t think of where to go, so he decided to drive south until he decided; if he decided, he corrected himself.

#dean winchester #sam winchester #death #5x22 #spn 5x22 #swan song #hurt/no comfort #hurt #depression #attempted suicide #wincester #angst angst angst #angst #so much angst #all the angst

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